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Closing The Circle

By: Rambulator



I was six almost seven when I learned that James was not my real father.

For the most part the bully of the school had left me alone most of the year but for some reason the day before school let out for the summer Randy had laid for me after class. He started shoving me and calling me names. I decided since I just had the one day left what the heck let him have his fun, but when he called me an *Indian Bastard* something snapped and I let him have both barrels.

When the teachers separated us we both looked like we had been thrown in the bear cage at the zoo and had come out the losers. After a talk with the teachers both of our parents marched us out of the school and then home.

To my shock nothing was said between my mother and I about what had happened except for my mother saying that when my father got home from his business trip the next day that we would all set down and talk about it. I did not get much sleep that night thinking about how my father was going to punish me. I wasn't worried about the fight so much; it was just because it happened on the school grounds.

Since the next day was the last day of school they let us out early, but today Randy and I both were lead out of the school from different doors and told to go straight home.

When I got to the end of the block I saw almost started to cry when I saw my fathers car sitting in the drive, but since I was always taught that when ever I did something wrong I was to stand up and take the outcome. I stepped into the house and was told by my father that I was not going to be punished at all for the fight but to put my school stuff in my room and then come down to the den.

When I arrived in the den my mother and father were sitting on the couch and had a folder on the coffee table in front of them. I was told to get a throw pillow and sit on the opposite side of the coffee table. When I was settled, my father said. "Brent, your mother and I were going to let you get a little older then tell you this but since the fight and what Randy said we feel it best to explain it to you as best we can."

He took a deep breath and continued. "In life we are not always dealt the best cards to play with but we have to play the best game we can. I can and will be the best father I can be but I am not your real father. Your father was killed in a car wreck before you were born. I met and married your mother when you were just six moths old. All I know is that to me you will always be my son no matter what. Now it is your mothers turn to tell you all she can about your father." 

He then turned and told my mother that he would go out and leave us alone while she and I talked about my father.

She took his hand in hers and said. "Please stay, I want you to hear this too." She then turned to the coffee table and opened the folder and pulled out a faded picture and handed it to me, saying. "Brent this is the only picture I have of your father, Nathan. This was his senior picture from high school."

I took the picture and looked very closely at it and noticed that I had his eyes and hair coloring. I never thought about having Black hair and Brown eyes being different than the Blonde hair and blue eyes of my parents had.

My Mother continued. "Your father was half Arapaho Indian. My mother and father were not at all happy that we had fallen in love and had forbidden me to see him again. But being kids ourselves we began sneaking around behind my parent's backs and seeing each other. After we graduated we ran off and got married. On the way back a semi truck had a blowout and skidded across the highway and ran over the car we were in."

She reached in the folder again and pulled out a newspaper clipping about the wreck. 

"Your father was killed instantly and I was severely injured. When I woke up in the hospital my mother and father were not too happy. When I got better and went home they found out that I was pregnant with you and started to pressure me to get an abortion. But I refused because you were all I had left of the love your father and I shared. I left home and went to live with your father's parents and started to work as a waitress where I met your stepfather here and fell in love with him. I started to feel guilty about living with your grand parents and loving another man but your grand father told me that your fathers spirit knew and approved."

I didn't exactly know what to say so I just kept quiet.

My father spoke up and said. " We know that this is a lot for you understand at this time but we want you to take this folder and look and read everything in it over. If you have any questions we will always be here to answer them."

Being just six at the time I had always been analytical in everything I did. When it came to difficult problems be it school or just in life its self I always tended to list out in my head or on paper the steps to solve the problem. I guess you could call me a young nerd. But this time it was difficult to just think. With tears in my eyes I spoke up and said something dumb. "Your not going to hate me for being an *Indian bastard* like Randy said, are you Dad?" 

He was instantly around the coffee table and hugged me in his arms and said, "No son I'm not, and you are not an *Indian Bastard*. For one you are part Indian and two you are not a bastard. You were conceived on your mother and fathers wedding night. Part of what is in that folder is your mother and fathers Marriage License. And to me you will always be my son real father or not."

I took the next week or two looking over everything in the folder and asked a lot of questions. I found out that night why my Grandparents on my mother's side never paid much attention to me. 

About a week later I was told that my fathers parents wanted me to come and spend some time with them. I readily accepted just to be able to find out more about my father.

I went to spend a couple of weeks with them and found out my grandfather was a Medicine Man or Shaman, as I would later find out the correct word for it.

I went to spend a month every summer with them that I could. My grandfather was kind of a summer camp counselor, telling stories and explaining the Indian way of life to the kids at camp. When I spent the summer with them I usually went with him to help out and sometimes sit in on some of his sessions with the kids.

When I was twelve I went to one of his sessions and since they needed one more in the group to round out the circle that he always had them sit in. 

He started out by explaining that the circle indicated life was a circle that life was created from the earth and when we died we went back to the earth to be reborn. He went on to tell a story I had heard many times about two lovers from different tribes falling in love and losing each other to the swift current of the stream but in the afterlife finding each other. At the end of the story he had us all to hold hands with the person across from us and gave us Indian names. The girl across from me he gave the name of Morning Dove and he used the name he had given me on the day I became a man of the tribe, Running Elk. When he finished he told Morning Dove and I to stay holding hands and said. "I have just seen a vision that your two lives will always be intertwined."

Being just twelve I somehow believed that this time he was probably wrong in his vision, because what would this girl see in me. After all I was part Indian. 

------------

After I got over the shock of my father not being my real father I began to see just how much he did love me. He sometimes had to be away for a month at a time with his job but when he was around we always did things together. He was there when I got my first home run at T-Ball and he even flew back into town for two days when at age eight I had to go in for emergency surgery for my Appendics. It seemed he never got tired of me always wanting to play catch or basketball. He even had time for my sister Mary Anne who was almost two years younger than I.

Even though my sister and I were always fussing and fighting we knew we loved each other. When I came home from the hospital she had decorated my room with balloons and paper mache streamers. When I started dating she even went out with us some. When she was allowed to start dating we had double dates together.

When she was old enough she started to spend summers with my grandparents also. By the time she was fourteen she had already decided she was going to be an archeologist, studying the American Indian way of life.

As I said mom's folks had little to do with me but with they doted on Mary Anne. When she was old enough to realize that they paid all of the attention to her and none on me she started refusing their presents and spending less time with them. She eventually found out the truth about dad not being my real father. She came into my room one night before bedtime and I could tell she had been crying and I asked what was wrong.

Whimpering, she asked. "Even though we are not real brother and sister. Do you still love me?"

And I said, "We are brother and sister. We had the same mother just not the same father. I will always love you just like dad loves me even if I am not his real son."

She hugged me real hard and said. "Thanks, big brother I will always love you too."

It all came to a boiling point with my sister the night of our Graduation. (I guess I forgot to mention that Mary Anne had jumped a grade between the ninth and tenth grades. her I.Q. was way up there.) 

We had a few friends and relatives over to the house that night for a Graduation Party. Although mom's parents showed up they never congratulated me or offered a present. When my sister had enough she flat out asked my grandmother why they treated me the way they did.

My Grandmother said, "Why, he's just the Indian's Bastard Child." 

My sister spat back, "You always treated me like a princess and him like shit. I am proud to be his sister. He has more compassion and common sense than either of you bigoted assholes and from this night on I no longer wish you to be my grandparents."

Mother reached out and slapped her across the face, saying. "That's enough of the foul language young lady." 

Mary Anne Grabbed her jaw and ran from the room with mom crying and following her.

I looked at my grandmother and said. "I know you have never liked me because you always thought my father was not good enough and I accepted that. But that was no reason to say that to my sister, she has always loved you no matter the way you treated me." With that I turned and walked away to see about my sister.

As I walked from the room I heard my father say to them. "I have always thought of Brent as my own son and you know that. But I will not tolerate your insolent behavior toward him in my house so please go. Feel free to come back when you can apologize to my son and daughter."

When I got to Mary Anne's room mom telling her she was sorry for slapping her.

"I know mom, I deserved that. But they have no right treating him the way they do." Mary Anne said.

"Brent has always known how they felt." Mom told her. "Even though they treat him that way he still loves them. His father was the same way, and he is so much like his father."

I spoke and said. "She's right sis, I still love them after all they are my grandparents too. They can't help it if they grew up in a different time and have so many prejudices to overcome. Besides the most important people in my life love me for who I am. Yes, when I was younger it hurt me for them to treat me like that but as I got older and understood why they are the way they are. I decided that two wrongs don't make a right."

I turned to mom and said, "Dad may need you now, he just told them to leave."

She hugged Mary Anne one more time and got up to leave the room, saying. "Thanks Son."

I hugged Mary Anne and said, "Thanks sis, that look on grandmothers face made my night." And we both burst out laughing.

When fall came around we both started our freshman year at the University of Oklahoma. All during college we occasionally double dated but neither of us was serious about anyone in particular, until our junior year she introduced me to Angela. Angela and her were lab partners in her Archeology class.

--------------

Angela and I started dating regularly. We still doubled with my sister and her string of fella's, but we started seeing more and more of each other. Pretty soon we started hedging around the idea of some kind of long-term relationship. 

Then one day Angela met me and said we need to talk, she said that she had to go back home because her mother was very ill and she was going to have to put her education on hold for awhile to be able to help take care of her younger sister who was Sixteen at the time. 

I asked if I could maybe come to visit her sometime during the summer break before my senior year started. She told me to write to her and she would know more a little later when I probably could come and visit.

My sister and I finished out the rest of the school year and went home for the summer. I had gotten a couple of letters from Angela during the time she left and the summer break. In the last letter she wrote she stated that things were pretty hectic around her house with her mother steadily getting worse and managing the house for her sister and her father and she would try and be back at school the next semester and we could try and get together then.

With that last letter I started to get the feeling she must have met somebody back home and didn't want to see me anymore. So I never wrote her back to let her know our address so if she could write me during the summer, although I did try to call her a couple of times. One time I got her father and he said he would try and tell her to call me, but I never heard back so I figured that what we had was over.

My sister and I went back and finished our senior year, and then she went back the following year and started on her Doctorate. (Yes she was that smart). I went to work for an insurance company in town as their Computer Administrator. Not a lot of money at first but with a chance at things to come in the future. That first year I had saved nearly half of my wages and invested it with pretty good earnings.

Just after my sister came home for the next summer break, she informed us that her professor had asked her to go with him and a few other students to Mesa Verde to a dig site there. She was to get two weeks home and then leave for the site and be back about two weeks before school started again. We were all happy for her but mother and father hated that she wouldn't have much time for herself before school started. 

I took off the week before she was to leave so that the family could all be together before she left. On Tuesday her and I went shopping, she wanted to get some comfortable clothes to wear at the site. When we arrived back at the house there was a strange car sitting in the driveway.

Our mother met us at the door with puffy eyes, like she had been crying. "What's wrong mom? Nothings happened to dad has it?" Both Mary Anne and I said almost at the same time.

She said, "No, come into the kitchen and sit down and I will try to explain."

After we had sat down she said. "Your father and I met just a couple of months after he got out of college. It seems that he and a bunch of his frat guys went to a party and started to get drunk. He doesn't to this day remember much about that night. Well it seems that he had sex with one of the girls there. She became pregnant that night. She didn't love your father so she never tried to let him know that he was a father. She married her college sweetheart and never let him or her daughter know the real truth. When she died a few months back she left a letter confessing it all to both of them. The husband threw a fit and almost threw her out. If it wasn't for her sister he probably would have, but her sister stuck by her and helped track your father down."

Mary Anne Said, "That poor girl. I bet she feels like the roof has fallen in on her head."

"Yes, she does." Mom said. "She's in the den with your father now. I want both of you to try and make her welcome, after all she is almost in the same position you were in Brent."

"You can count on us," I told mom. "How are you taking it?"

She said, "I am fine with it. Your father and I had a long talk about it last week; we have always had a strong enough relationship. Yes, I know I should have said something to you two but having been your mother all these years I guess I knew that you both would feel the way you do. I am more worried about that girl in there than anything else. She is in an emotional turmoil right now, with finding out her father is not her father and trying to come to grips with a stranger being the her real father."

We both hugged mom and let her know that we both would welcome our new sister into the family.

After Mary Anne had shown mom what she had bought, we both went up stairs to our rooms. In a few minutes Mary Anne knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to talk. And I said, "Sure."

She sat down and tearfully said. " Angela and I were almost like sisters and you and her were getting close to being an item Brent but I feel kind of joyful that I do have a big sister now. I know you and I have been close all these years, even when grandma and grandpa treated you so badly. I just want you to know that you will always be first in my heart."

"I know sis," I said. 

Just about that time mom stuck her head in the door and said that dad would like to talk to us in the den. 

Mary Anne and I headed downstairs and were met in the living room by dad and he hugged us and started crying and said. "I know this is a big shock to both of you and I'll understand if you don't want to but I would like you to come into the den and meet her. She is a very sweet girl and she wants to move down here from Tulsa. Her sister is going to start college in the fall and her father just doesn't seem to want her around after that."

Mary Anne kissed dad on the cheek and said. "I have always wanted a sister to talk to instead of this lunkhead brother of mine."

"Lunkhead, I'll have you know just because you’re the smart one in the family doesn't mean I'm a lunkhead." I said laughing. I then turned back to dad. "You have always been there for me so now it's my turn to be there for you. I guess you and I will have to get used to being outnumbered in this family from now on."

He hugged me again, saying. "Thank you son. Now let's not keep the young lady waiting any longer, she's nervous enough already."

When Mary Anne and I stepped into the den we both stopped in our tracks. Mom was sitting on the couch next to "Angela".

When Mary Anne, Angela and I got over our initial shock we held out our arms to her and she came running into our arms crying.

Mary Anne said to her. "I just told Brent that I considered you like a sister, now you are my sister and to me you always will be."

That sent Angela into another fit of crying while she hugged on Mary Anne.

While they were hugging and crying in each other's arms I turned to mom and dad and told them that Angela was the girl from school that Mary Anne and I were telling them about.

-------------

We spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on our lives since we had last seen each other.

"He told me before I left to come here to Ft. Worth that he really did love me but it hurt too much to find out after all this time. He just wished that mother had told him the truth a long time ago so that they could have worked it out between them. I told him that I would always love him too. Then he said that I needed to come and see my real father and if things worked out with us that he just hoped that I would not forget him. It hurt him dearly I know and I know I still love him too but that hurt will always be between us and he knows it too."


Closing the Circle



Over the course of the weeks, Barra became accustomed to offering his gift to the Goddess when he felt desire begin to run through him. Sometimes he would be alone in the woods, part of a private ritual between him and the earth, but other occasions would be under Niamh's supervision during some quiet time they shared together.

He noticed Niamh always cast a circle and set wards when they were to do this and he found himself mirroring her movements and words when he was by himself. He wasn't always sure if he achieved the same level of security as when Niamh did it, but either way, it made him feel safe within the sacred space.

Niamh watched his progress with satisfaction. She noticed how much calmer he was becoming as his body and mind became more aware of each other. She knew he watched her when she drew her powers around her and noted his growing confidence in trying things out for himself. She did not need to watch his circle casting, for she felt the corresponding shift in the aether when they were put into place. She also noted the subtlety of his actions, only using as much energy as was needful and never attempting to use too much when a little sufficed. 

One evening in late spring, when the last meal of the day was over, they sat for some time, sipping their tea and talking, almost as if each were trying to delay what must inevitably occur. Barra sensed Niamh was uneasy about something, but could not put his finger on what exactly it was. At first, he was embarrassed to offer his gift to the Goddess in Niamh's presence, but as he grew more used to it, he almost managed to achieve a sense of detachment between his mind and body. Niamh rarely spoke to him, except to check on his level of comfort and health, or maybe to suggest another technique, but she never became involved with his actions, her face remaining impassive throughout.

He could not believe her when she told him she had no desire of her own. He had known enough women to notice the difference between their lack of interest and when desire ran strong within them. It could not always have been so with her. There must have been a time when she loved for love's sake alone and not at the will of the Lord and Lady. One day he would ask her, but not now. Some nights he tried deliberately to entice her, to goad her into a physical response to his actions, but although her eyes might flicker, her body remained hidden underneath her clothes and she did not stir from her stool until she came to wash him and plant a single kiss on his cheek or forehead.

When everything was ready, Barra settled himself on the thick furs by the fire and waited for Niamh to cast their circle and set the wards. Sometimes he followed her line of blue light with a golden one of his own. She did not reprimand him or object to what he did, so tonight he stood up and drew the double circle with her, watching how the lights hung together in the air like a million tiny stars. When she invoked the Guardians of the four quarters, he answered her and it seemed to him their circle was the stronger for his contribution. He did not know why, but he felt they would need that extra protection.

Niamh was wearing a different robe tonight, woven in softest wool and held up by a single drawstring around her neck. She wore her usual belt, but there was no sign of the beige linen shift she wore underneath. Barra fantasised what would happen if the drawstring was loosed and the material fell to hang around her waist, but he knew it would not happen and he should concentrate on other things.

Niamh handed him the jar of salve and he wasted no time making himself comfortable and working on his own arousal. This was never difficult. All he had to do was remember the pattern of the Everlasting Tree and paint it on Niamh's body in his mind. His body did the rest. Once he reached the root of the tree and her Gateway, that was always the point of no return. He was almost there when Niamh suddenly reached out and held the tip of his manhood firmly with two fingers.

"Wait!"

Barra was surprised, not shocked, but obviously interrupted from the final outcome. "What is it - what do you mean?" he asked.

"You need to learn control and more obedience," was all she would say. "It is not all about pleasure."

Barra's confusion was evident. What did she mean? Why did she touch him? What was he supposed to do? Had he offended her in some way? Did she know the image he used within his mind?

"Take your hands away."

Barra dropped his hands uncertainly to his side, leaving his member erect and quivering.

"Now tell me what you feel."

Barra stuggled for a moment to find the words to convey the strange sensation she had caused in him. "I feel..... the moment of .. the giving .. is passed, but I feel pleasure still..." Naimh's hand stroked him lazily for a few strokes. He savoured her touch on him, the pulses of sensation subtle and familiar but not overwhelming.

"If the point is not pleasure, then what is the point - apart from the giving - the offering?"

"More learning, more awareness."

"What must I learn now?"

"Control and obedience. Touch your sack." Barra reached down to cup his scrotum in his palm. "How long before it will discharge?"

"It depends on .. how I - or you - " he looked at her," - how fast or .. it depends upon how I am touched."

"And if I do not give permission?"

"If you do not give .. permission?" Barra felt his wits leave him. What was she talking about?

"If I do not give permission for your gift to be offered at the point of offering?"

Barra shook his head in bewilderment, "I do not know ... how could I stop myself from .. spilling my seed. What happens, is ... a thing of the body."

"We shall see." Niamh released him and leant back on her stool. She took a sip of cooled tea as if her throat were dry. She offered him the dish, but he declined. "You may continue."

Barra looked vaguely worried and thoughtful, but he resumed,. placing his hand back at the root of his shaft, bringing both hands to the swollen head, smoothing back the foreskin as the stroke made its descent to the base, one hand following the other in slow sure movements

He was so engrossed in his own action, he almost missed seeing Niamh untie the top of her gown, letting the material droop to expose her right breast. She cupped her breast in her right hand and pushed her thumb firmly down from the top of the breast towards the nipple. He had seen women do this when they fed their bairns, but never during acts of love or lust between men and women. Suddenly he remembered the sweet taste of milk from his woman's breast when he'd lain with her after their son was born. For once, the memory of her did not bring its usual anguish, he only remembered the sweetness and the love of their union. 

Barra's eyes never left Niamh as he looked with longing at her breast. Several times, she pushed downwards with thumb and he saw her nipple was indeed engorging; tiny, pale blue drops appeared on the tip. As he watched, he placed one palm over the head of his manhood, while the other twisted gently as it stroked. His motions did not speed up; he sensed she wanted him to be controlled and deliberate. He gently swirled his palm round on the tip of the glans and felt a wave of sheer excitement pass over him.  

Niamh was watching his state of arousal carefully. "What is it you want, Barra?"

"Lady..." his voice was laboured as he continued to slowly stroke, and work his length. "I would..."

"What would you?"

"I would..." he tore his eyes from her breast and looked at the floor. "Might I touch you?"

"Where?

"May I touch your breast, my Lady?" He looked up at her and stretched out one hand tentatively, noticing that the drops on the end of the nipple were growing larger.

"No! Open your mouth." His hand dropped to the pelt as if she had stung him. He fixed his gaze on her face and opened his mouth, not completely, just agape slightly."

"Stick out your tongue."

Barra pushed his tongue to protrude slightly from his lips, his gaze never wavering from her as he continued to work his hand gently along his shaft. Niamh left her stool and came to kneel beside him, her hand still squeezing the end of her breast. She rubbed the liquid from her nipple onto his tongue. He felt it trickle onto his tastebuds and as he drew his tongue back into his mouth, he tasted that familiar sweetness. How a woman who was not with child or nursing could produce milk, or something tasting like milk, he did not know. This must be a gift from the Goddess, Herself, and silently, in his heart, he thanked Her.

"Now tell me what you feel."

Barra reflected. "I am still aroused... but .. I want more... I want more... "

Niamh smiled at him. "You sound like a child. A child who wishes...to?"

"I want to suckle. I want to suckle at your breast."

"What will that teach you?"

"All goodness flows from the Mother." He heard Niamh's familiar chuckle.

"And?" She loosened the drawstring further so that her gown fell to her waist.

Barra felt his fantasy coming true. "And ... I obey you as I would a mother..."

With her hand still cupping her breast, Niamh leant forward and offered it to him. Barra opened his lips to receive her nipple, reaching for it with his tongue, not probing, but like a child, softly and greedily sucking her into his mouth. He drew her breast in and suckled on her nipple, while he returned his attention to his manhood. His strokes were becoming deeper now. He lifted his head for a moment and the breast fell away from his lips.

Niamh let slip a soft sigh as she concentrated on keeping her breathing even. She knew she took a great risk, allowing him access to her body, especially when her body seemed to be having a mind of its own, instead of its usual detached watchfulness.

"Now," she asked, "how do you feel?"

"I am ready, Lady, my moment comes."

Once more her hand reached across his and she squeezed below the end of his shaft forcefully, almost painfully. Barra winced - with surprise rather than pain.

"You still think so?" Niamh's finger brushed across the tip of his nipple, forcing him to close his eyes for a moment at her touch on his skin.

He frowned, "The moment passed."

Niamh nodded. "What are you learning, Barra?"

"That ... that .. I may control my body and ... not all things lead to a set conclusion."

He was pleasantly surprised when she offered him the other breast. He took it, less childlike this time, teasing the nipple gently. He heard how her breathing changed as she closed her eyes momentarily at his touch, but all too soon she took back control and was almost her normal, impassive self. Barra could sense a subtle change in her, as his lips encircled the nipple and his tongue delicately flickered across the end. He heard her take in a deep breath. 

His hand movements were almost lazy now. There was an arrogance about the way he moved, trying to return himself to the moment of climax.

"Lie back, Barra, put your arms above your head."

He wondered, idly, why he did not sigh or feel frustrated she should deny him his release a third time. It was as if the end point had no meaning, no purpose. He trusted she would do with him what was needful. His body felt pleasured, his desire coiled inside to be released upon her command, "As my Lady wills it, " he murmured as he lay down in the required position.

Niamh sat down beside him, releasing her hair so it fell all around her like a veil. She drew it together in one hand and brushed it against his skin, starting at his neck, then drawing the thick strands all the way down his body. Barra shivered at the sensation. He flexed and arched his body as the featherlike touch moved over him, almost writhing in pleasure. His instinct was to take her, to hold her, but he knew he would break the spell, taking her from his body forever.

Naimh moved to his forehead, planting a single kiss, first on his brow, then on his throat; in the centre of his chest; on his solar plexus; just below his belly button and then on his sack. A long low groan, almost a growl escaped from Barra's throat as he twisted in ecstasy. Then he felt her drape her hair across his manhood. The hair fell softly, teasingly, a feather-light but deeply powerful sensation. His head swam.

Without warning, he felt her mouth engulf him, her tongue licking him, while her hand curved around the base of his shaft. He felt warmth and wetness, delicious movement. His urge to caress her was only restrained by gripping the fur below his head. He felt her lips caress him, moving slowly up and down; her mouth applying minimal suction around the tip while her tongue probed the slit at the end.

The sheer unexpected invasiveness - the unfamiliar intrusion - thrilled him. He felt the blood coursing and roaring through his head and body. Once more she lowered her mouth over him again, her teeth gently chewing him, while her hand stroked his sack and inner thighs. 

His writhing was slow and uncontrollable, each motion she made bringing him closer to climax, but he tried to restrain himself - to hold back. Her sucking became more forceful, allowing him no respite, her tongue swirling around him, her fingers teasing behind his sack, applying slight, but noticeable pressure. 

His need became more urgent as she sucked more forcefully, her other hand busy around the base of his shaft brushing the newly grown hairs. He found he could barely speak. His eyes met hers, begging her to allow him to end this exquisite torment. His groaning was constant, coming in waves to match her lips' actions, and as he felt her teeth on him, he shivered. In his mind he heard her voice, saying he had no control, it was hers to give or reject and that she would make him discharge his offering.

Aloud he said, between moans, gasping "Yes, Lady."

His body was jolting and shuddering now as she sucked him deep into her mouth. The feeling of being swallowed whole was unlike anything he had known before and he began to shake. "Lady, I beg of you..."

"You may offer your gift." Her voice was clear in his mind as he felt her hands lightly stroking around his sack and inside his thighs - barely brushing the skin. There was no time to think - just a sudden lightning flash moment and an explosion of wave after pounding wave of pleasure, as his release came upon him. He felt the seed pumping along the shaft and releasing into her mouth in eager, violent pulses. She held him firm in her mouth, gathering the seed and swallowing until his spasms subsided, his flow coming in slower, gentler shudders.

When Niamh felt Barra's body begin to twitch and shake, she released his shaft and lay close to him, drawing him to her, stroking his belly and back, soothing him until he grew still, little by little.

Without thinking, Barra brought his hands down from above his head, enfolding her in his arms and stroking her, as if to return the comfort she was offering him. He still could not quite manage to speak, even though his breathing was almost back to normal.

Niamh gently kissed his cheek. "What have you learned, Barra?" Was this his thoughts playing tricks on him, but he could have sworn he heard her say, "Beloved." Was that really what she thought of him? He thought hard for several moments before he answered. When he did, the words rose in his mind, not on his lips, coloured with his love and gratitude for what she had done. 

"Giving is not about the gift, about the outcome. The giving, the gift itself, is in the giving, in the preparation, the making of the gift and its outcome. All of these are part of the giving. It is not for me to choose when or how the gift should be made, but to listen to the Goddess and please her as she would be pleased."

Niamh nodded, her eyes glistening in the firelight.

He held her tightly, "Thank you, my Lady. It was a lesson I will not forget." Barra sensed Niamh's growing vulnerability as she fought to maintain a semblance of control over her emotions. He noticed how she swept a hand across her eyes, almost casually, brushing away the gathering tears.

"Stay, Lady," he urged, "lie here with me and rest. It is warm." He looked down at her, not pleadingly, or anxiously, just with deep compassion and affection in his eyes. Niamh hesitated. "Stay, please, for warmth and companionship, nothing else."

He felt a single tear drop on his chest. It was enough for him to push the tendrils of hair away from her face and gently stroke her cheek.

"Should your Lady not be always strong and sure?" Niamh murmured.

"No-one can always be anything," Barra brushed the wetness away from her eyes. "Come, lend me your strength and I will lend you some of mine."

Naimh turned her head into his shoulder as he cradled her. "I don't know what it is, Barra, this weakness. Sometimes the things you say touch me deeply."

"There is no secret in that- we are bonded, you and I. Sometimes I know what is in you, even though I do not know where it comes from. It echoes from you and I speak it. Weakness it may be, but only if it were turned against you, which it will never be. Never." 

As his voice died away, he felt the tension in her body relax and for the first time since his arrival in her life, she allowed herself to cry and be held by another. His lips touched her hair in silent benediction. Lying quite still, his quiet breathing soon calmed and soothed her until they both drifted off into a dreamless sleep.



Closing the Circle



"Once, only once," Kate sighed as her finger circled her clitoris while with her other hand she caressed one of her breasts, "we only did it once."

Her sighs became gasps as she brought herself to orgasm, her clitoris stimulating finger moved faster and she was squeezing one of her nipples.

As she climaxed she cried out, "Alec...Alec...fuck me darling...fuck me," and as she began the descent from the pinnacle she wept. There was no Alec to fuck her, and she shared at least half the blame for that. 

* * * * * * * *

The whole scheme had been doomed to failure from the start, the idea of a second honeymoon after twenty years of marriage when the sharp edge of sexual attraction that was there at the beginning is no longer urgent, and in Kate's case no longer there at all as far as her husband Steve was concerned.

It had been Kate's idea as a desperate move to try and pull the marriage together. She knew that Steve was being unfaithful, in fact had been unfaithful with several women. They had slept apart for two years, first in separate beds, and then separate rooms.

The idea had been foolish and even grotesque right from the start. Their honeymoon had been spent on a small hired river houseboat that was simply named "The Honeymooner." There in quiet places along the river they had made love, swum naked, and the made love again. Now Kate and Steve never made love and that had been Kate's main motive in suggesting another such houseboat trip, trying to revive what was essentially dead. 

The situation was even more hopeless and ridiculous because they had taken their son Alec with them. Alec had of course been the reason for their marriage, or more accurately, Kate's pregnancy.

Steve had very reluctantly agreed to the trip, whether out of some sense of guilt or not, who knows? But at least he had agreed. 

With three of them on board any sort of one bed cabin honeymooner was out of the question, and they ended up hiring a four bed cabin boat. Right from the start it had been fruitless. Steve virtually demanded a cabin to himself, leaving Kate and Alec to occupy two of the other cabins, with one left unused. 

Had Kate hoped to pull the marriage together she knew even before they had untied the first rope, that it was a wasted effort. But there was to be one outcome that she had not foreseen, and that outcome was to bring about a change in all their lives.

* * * * * * * * 

Perhaps Kate was the eternal optimist and she insisted that they stop at the places they had stayed at during that long ago honeymoon. One such place was a wide sandbar in a bend of the river. 

No doubt still clinging to the last rags of hope Kate had suggested they swim naked, as they had done on their honeymoon. Steve had declined and had sat gloomily fishing. 

Their son Alec was incredibly shy about his body, but after much persuasion Kate got him to swim naked with her. It was a foolish move and Kate should have known it, but if she did know it, she ignored the potential danger, or did she invite it?

When Kate and Alec climbed back aboard the boat Kate asked Alec to dry her back. Alec gazed at her, and despite her forty years it has to be said that she was worth gazing at.

She had the slender face of a mischievous pixie, with abundant golden- brown hair, now wet, large brown eyes, a short tip tilted nose and a mouth like a rosebud. Short in stature, only five feet two inches, her figure was trim with well formed legs and breasts that seemed a little too large for her frame. As Alec looked at her he could see at her groin the hint of a firmly cleft vulva.

They had not seen each other like this before, and now Kate could see Alec's response to her nakedness. His penis rose and became firm, he wanted her, but then, she had known for a long time that her son had a sexual interest in her. She had accepted this, knowing that sons often had a sexual longing for their mothers, but Kate told herself this was a passing phase in Alec's life.

Now, seeing his erect manhood she was not so sure about the "passing phase." She felt her body responding to him, her vagina becoming wet and her nipples extending. She glanced at Steve, had he noticed what was happening? No, he was sullenly intent on his fishing, gazing out over the water. 

Kate hastily handed Alec the towel and turned her back. If she hoped that this would reduce the sexual tension she was disappointed. The intimacy of drying her back from her neck down to her firm buttocks was intensely sensual. 

When Alec finished drying her she was tempted to ask him to dry her front, but instead she took the towel and fled to her cabin and dropping onto the bed she lay breathing heavily, trying to control the sexual arousal Alec had inspired in her. 

She heard Alec make his way into his cabin and she started to imagine what he was doing – masturbating to relieve his sexual tension? 

Still naked Kate started to gently press one of her nipples and her hand reached down and she fingered her genitals. Deprived of sexual gratification for a long time she had frequently resorted to masturbation, but whereas in the past her fantasies had been of faceless men, now they took definite form, Alec.

She told herself she should have known. As Alec had passed from childhood and grew towards maturity she had seen and even felt his desire for her. The pressure of his firm penis against her as they hugged, the kisses that lingered and almost but not quite become tonguing kisses, his words of admiration for her looks, all had been obvious signs of his feelings for her.

Kate had accepted this as not being unnatural, but not until now had she felt herself responding to his arousal.

After she had made herself come Kate lay on the bed wondering about this newly experienced desire for her son. Had it been there all along, but deeply repressed? Was it because of her lack of sexual gratification with Steve? Was it the instinctive response of a mother to the son she loved? If it was natural in Alec, was it natural in her?

She had no answer to these questions; she only knew that masturbating had only marginally eased her sexual hunger for Alec, and she was wise enough to know that now it had started it would not easily go away. 

She had never been promiscuous and Steve had been the only man in her life, and this very trip had been an attempt on her part to try and restore what they had once been to each other, and now this had occurred.

She recalled the words of an older woman when she first started work. "My dear," she had said, "if you get really horny over some man it's better to have him because it's only when you hold back the damage is done."

At the time Kate had not properly understood what the woman meant and it was only when she began dating with Steve that she had felt, as the woman had put it, "horny." That in the end was the cause of her pregnancy and marriage, but that now lay in the dead past, so what of her "horniness" inspired by her son? Did the same apply, that the damage would be done if they held back, and what damage? She could not find the answer. 

* * * * * * * *

The next day she and Alec swam together again but this time they wore bathing gear, Alec in shorts and Kate in a bikini. This token cover up did nothing to prevent their mutual arousal but it was more obvious in Alec with his swollen manhood than in Kate with only swollen nipples showing against her bikini top. 

Alec, still morosely fishing, was making it obvious he didn't want to be there. He was no doubt thinking of what he might be doing with his latest inamoratas, and telling him self it was only another four days and they would be off the boat. Not even his sexual deprivation led him to resort to Kate.

Sexual arousal when you know it is going to be fulfilled is a happy experience, but when you know there is no hope of such fulfilment, it is very depressing, and the atmosphere on the boat was even gloomier.

Kate fought an inner battle. Her sexual attraction, not to say need for Alec, and his obvious desire for her made both of them restless. At times they tried to avoid each other, but that was difficult on a houseboat; at other times they gave in to the temptation to be close to each other, even to the point of swimming naked again. Such is the ambivalence of those who long for the forbidden and cannot resist being in its presence.

Such was the situation on the last night on board the boat. The night was warm and humid and Kate lay on top of the bed covers. In her imagination she conjured up a vision of Alec lying naked on his bed. Was he thinking of her? Was he masturbating as he thought of her? She began to stimulate herself but that was barely necessary because she was already aroused. 

She had to know, she had to experience what it would be like with Alec. If it turned out to be disastrous then it would only accord with the rest of the trip, and so what was there to lose?

She rose and went out into the central passageway. Listening at the door of Steve's cabin she heard the muffled sounds of his snores. She moved on to Alec's cabin and quietly entered. 

The only light came from a three-quarters moon shining through the cabin window. She could see Alec's form on the bed; he was lying on his back naked and asleep. Kate carefully sat on the bed. She could dimly see that Alec had an erection, perhaps inspired by some erotic dream. Was it a dream about her?

Almost fearfully she took hold of his penis and gently caressed it, and then leaning over she kissed its head. There was a trace of precum on it and she licked this off and then took the head of his penis into her mouth and began to suck and lick it. 

She tasted more precum and Alec stirred. Kate froze for a moment, but as Alec did not awake she recommenced her sucking, gently stroking his penis with her hand at the same time. It had been a long time since she had tasted and smelt a penis and she became careless, too enthusiastic, and Alec stirred again, and this time he woke up.

"Wer-what...what...?"

"Ssh darling," Kate said softly, "it's me, it's all right."

"Mother!" Alec exclaimed now fully awake.

"Quiet darling," Kate whispered, "we can do what we've wanted to do all week, but quietly."

Alec could have no doubts about Kate's intention and he said, "But father..."

"Asleep, but we mustn't wake him. Just lay still darling and leave it to me."

She vaguely wondered if Steve would give a damn if he did wake and find them making love, but that was a risk Kate did not want to take.

She carefully sat astride Alec and holding his penis in her hand she lowered herself on to it until its head was pressing against the inner lips of her vulva. Feeling the wet softness of those sensitive lips Alec gave a muffled groan. Kate slowly dropped lower and his penis slipped into her vagina.

As she dropped lower to take his whole length into her Alec gasped, "Mother...oh mother...it's beautiful...so...oh...oh..."

"Enjoy darling," Kate murmured, "I want you to enjoy me."

"I love you...I love you..." Alec moaned, "I've wanted you so badly."

"Yes, I know darling and I love you and want you."

Kate began to move over him, drawing back until his penis almost exited her tunnel and then plunging down again. It was difficult for them to remain silent as their orgasms approached and Alec could not hold back from crying out, "I'm coming...I'm coming mother."

"Shush," Kate said, "just let it go darling, put it all I me, I want to feel it."

She felt it, the squirting of his warm young semen into her. His hands were on her hips, at first dragging her down on to him and then lifting her and pulling down with each spasm of his ejaculation.

Kate struggled to remain quiet as her own orgasm convulsed her. She bit her lower lip until it almost bled and when at last it was over she leaned over Alec, her breasts brushing against his chest and said, "Remember darling, I love you."

She withdrew from him and as silently as a shadow she left his cabin, her hand covering her genitals to hold Alec's semen in her vagina. She paused to listen at Steve's door and again heard his steady snores. Entering her own cabin she laid on her bed, her hand still holding back Alec's sperm, as if she was reluctant to let it go.

For her it had been as if she had closed a circle. She had born him in hr womb; she had given birth to him, she had tended and loved him as a child, and now, in his maturity, with his penis in her vagina, it seemed as if he had returned to where he belonged and the circle was closed. 

It had been beautiful, but not enough. There had been no foreplay, no exploration of each other, only his penetration and she knew they both needed so much more. It was now she realised the danger, not in the sense that the woman at work had meant all those years ago, but another sort of danger.

Had their sexual intercourse been less that beautiful, if it had not been, as she visualised it as closing the circle, there might have been no danger, but its very success had taken them into hazardous territory. Now they had started – had experienced each other – they would want more and then more again. They had begun something that would be difficult and painful to stop. 

Yes, even in its limited way it had been too good and Kate wondered how they could go on living together in the same house without making love again, and in the end Steve would be sure to find out. 

Kate asked herself if she cared whether or not Steve found out. If it had been some lover other than Alec she might not have cared, but the spectre of incest hung over them.

Kate could have wept with frustration and an anger that was turned in on her self. It was as if every move she made was the wrong one: this whole trip, the nude bathing, the silent acknowledgement of mutual sexual desire, and now the fulfilment of that desire or at least the partial fulfilment of something that should have become an extended passionate affair. Perhaps there was also an element of guilt, and Kate knew that some radical move had to be made to stop any further development in their sexual activity, but she didn't know what to do.

* * * * * * * * 

Unknown to her Alec was having similar thoughts. Their brief sexual encounter had been the most beautiful that Alec had ever known, and although he did not think of it in terms of closing a circle, it had seemed like a homecoming, the place where he belonged.

It might be thought that this sense of belonging would be the source of great joy, but in fact he felt it as a threat. Like Kate he could see that now it would be difficult to stop love making with his mother if they remained in close contact, and it was he who made the decision about how to act.

The boat trip over and once more at home, Alec told Kate he would be leaving home for at least a year. There was no talk of their brief love encounter but they both knew why he was leaving home. 

The way Alec expressed it was that like many of his contemporise he would go backpacking for a year; this was usually an interval between the end of high school and the beginning of further studies or the start of working life. 

Relieved that Alec seemed to have found the solution to what Kate saw as a painful dilemma, she had agreed. 

Insofar as Steve had any interest in what Alec did he also agreed, his one comment being, "It'll make a man of him." And so Alec set out to travel the vastness of Australia, picking up such casual work as he could.

Almost as soon as he left Kate realised that she had been cut off from the one source of love in her life. She also realised that her marriage to Steve was at an end. This was made even more certain when she found herself to be pregnant – the result of her brief encounter with Alec. 

Since Steve could not possibly have impregnated her, it had to be a lover, but who he was never made aware of. That ended the marriage with only divorce left to be finalised. 

Kate gave birth to a daughter, but Alec was left ignorant of the drama going on at home.

Alec had kept in touch with Kate via telephone and snail mail, letting her know where he was and that he was well. Kate said nothing about giving birth or the end of her marriage. She had resolved that she did not want Alec to feel compelled to come to her out of some sense of duty. If and when he came home it would be because he wanted to and not because of any pressure applied by her.

Poor Kate, she always seemed to make the wrong decisions. The only right one as she saw it now was that night when she and Alec had made love. This had at least given her something of Alec in her life, the child Alexandria. It was little Alex who seemed to be in the centre of the circle Kate had visualised.

Had she known what was going to happen when Alec had left she might never have let him go, because with Steve gone they would have been free to fulfil there love freely. But if Alec stuck to his original decision he would come home at the end of the year, and how would he respond to Alex? This Kate dreaded.

And so the end of the year drew near. Alec, living somewhat frugally on his casual earnings, had bought himself a second hand car. His last telephone contact with Kate was to announce that he would be coming home. It was then that Kate told him of his father's departure, implying that they could now freely become lovers. But Kate still feared to tell Alec that he had fathered a child with her. 

Throughout the year she had wondered if Alec had found someone else. Perhaps he had experienced many girls – girls who would be much younger than her and prettier. She feared that Alec would not want her, especially now there was Alex. 

The telephone call that announced that Alec was coming home seemed to contain the possibility of yet another ill-starred event in her life.

* * * * * * * * 

Alec had not given an exact date and time for his arrival home, and so Kate was unprepared when she heard his car pull into the drive. She was wearing only the scantiest of clothing and her milk laden breasts were swinging free. 

If she had any doubts about how Alec felt about her this was quickly solved. As soon as she opened the door to him he said, "Oh mother I've missed you so much...I've needed you so much...is...is it still the same...oh God I've nearly been drive out of my mind wanting you at times, do you still want us to be...?"

"Yes darling, nothing's changed between us we can... "

She was not allowed to finish what she was going to say. Alec took her in his arms and kissed her hungrily and then carried her to the big divan in the living room. 

"I want you, "he said, "I want you now..." 

Kate felt utterly vulnerable; she knew what was going to happen and was helpless to stop it. As Alec kissed her almost desperately his hand moved inside her frail garment and finding a breast he gently compressed it and its nipple leaked her warm milk. The fluid ran down onto Alec's hand and he ceased kissing her and looked down in surprise at her breast. 

"You're....you're breast feeding," he gasped, looking at his wet hand.'

"Yes, I'm sorry darling, I can't help it if you..."

"No, it's so sexy," Alec said as if awestruck. "You've had a baby!"

"Yes darling."

"Who...?

"Can't you guess?

"Me?"

Yes you darling."

Kate knew instinctively what Alec was going to do. "If he does it he'll make me come," she thought. 

Alec pressed her breast again and this time it's nipple squirted milk, and as she had thought Alec leaned over her breast and licked the milk, and then he took the nipple into his mouth and sucked. 

Kate held his head close to her as she felt her orgasmic spasms but it was a very tender orgasm, soothing and filled with love for the one who suckled at her breast. 

Alec released her nipple and said, "I think you had an orgasm."




Closing the Circle



"Yes, it was so beautiful, what did it taste like?"

Alec laughed and said, "Rather like some of that tinned milk you used to buy."

Kate returned his laugh and said, "I've read somewhere that drinking a nursing mother's milk makes a man more potent."

"That may be right," Alec replied as he removed the last of her garments and drew her legs apart, "but I don't need it to feel potent with you."

He lay over her, taking his weight on his elbows and entered her.

"You might make me pregnant again," she whispered.

"Would you mind?"

"No, not when it's with you Alec."

It had been too long and Alec was on the verge of coming soon after he entered her, and despite having already orgasmed Kate was burning for him.

"I love you," Alec groaned as he shot the first of his sperm into her, and Kate responded, "don't ever stop loving me." 

Afterwards they clung together for a while. Alec withdrew from her and then did that which Kate, even in her wildest fantasies, had never imagined. Alec knelt between her thighs and carefully raised her legs and laid them over his shoulders. For a few moments he gazed at her exposed genitals and the leaned froward and began to lick her vulva.

Her vagina was filled with the melange of their fluids and the smell of sex hung heavy. Now Kate knew how much Alec loved her; he was home at last and the closed circle was an eternal ring.



Closing The Circle



Mom had slipped out earlier and about 6:30 she came in and told us that she had called in and ordered Pizza since she felt that family time came before cooking tonight and that it was on the table when we were ready to eat.

While we were eating Angela said that she had gotten a room at the nearest hotel when she arrived in town last night. Mom told her if she would like that she could go and get her stuff and sleep in Mary Anne's room in the other bed if she wanted to. She agreed and after they finished eating her and Mary Anne went to get her things from the hotel.

After they left I said to my parents, "When Angela and I last saw each other we were getting pretty close and I was about to bring her home to meet you when she said she had to go to help take care of her family. I still feel that way about her but I don't like the idea of feeling that way now that I found out she is my sister."

My mother spoke up. "You have always thought things through so just take your time and do a lot of thinking about it but just remember this. She technically is your step-sister you just don't have the same father or mother so that means that if you really love one another that would not be considered incest. I think that she is a fine girl and if you two are truly in love then I would be proud to have her as a daughter as well as a daughter."

My father nodded his agreement as he said. "I feel the same way as your mother does on this issue. I think that both of you will take your time and think long and hard on this. It may not be an easy decision on either of you but you both will have our backing either way that you decide. I also think that both of you ought to talk this over and put this issue aside until the initial shock of this subsides."

"Thanks, both of you." I said. "I'll wait until she brings up the issue before we even start discussing it." 

After Mary Anne and Angela returned, Angela decided that she was done in and that she wanted to go ahead and go to bed. Mary Anne took her up to her room and helped get her settled in for the night. Then she came back downstairs and set down at the other end of the couch.

She said, "Brent, Angela and I were talking on the way back about you and her. She told me she still cares very deeply for you but she doesn't think that this is the time to bring it up. She wanted you to know how she felt and to get your reaction because she didn't want to be staying here if it put any kind of emotional strain on you."

"I know sis. I still feel the same way towards her. I told mom and dad how I felt about her and we all think it best at this time to just let the subject alone for now and when things settle down then if later on we feel the same way then we can have a serious discussion about it. I really don't know whether us being step-brother and step-sister is going to have any effect on it or not but that is the most important factor I can see at this point."

"Ok Brent I'll go tell her that. She didn't think she could bring up the subject right now but she also doesn't want to hurt you either so I volunteered to ask you about it. I'll go let her know so that she will have one less worry to deal with right now." 

"Just tell her that I understand and I know that this is not the right time for us to even think about it for right now."

As Mary Anne got up off of the couch she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and said. "I love you bro, you’re the best. Good night."

"Good night Mary Anne." I said.

The next few days were a drain on most everybody with Angela getting used to her new family and trying to get Mary Anne ready and packed for her trip to the dig site. 

When Saturday rolled around she started wanting to call the trip off but Mom, dad, I and even Angela knew how important this would be to her schooling and ultimately towards her career. We all helped pack up her car and she left Sunday morning for the University where she was to meet with the rest of the group and take a bus from there.

-------------

A month after my sister left dad took a week off of work and drove mom, Angela and I up to get some more of her things. We got to meet her sister Melissa and she let Angela know that her father was getting over the hurt a little at a time and was starting to miss having her around. About the time we started to leave her father came in and Angela went over and gave him a hug and started to introduce us. You could see the hurt come back into his eyes when she introduced him to my father.

When I shook his hand I asked if I could talk to him alone for a few minutes and he nodded his head and pointed towards the kitchen.

When we got into the kitchen I said. "Mister Morgan, I pretty well understand how you feel. When I was just six I found out that my father was not my real father and it was a pretty hard blow for me then. I was young when I found out so that made it easier for me to adjust to the circumstances. Just seeing what my stepfather is going thru is just a part of what you must be going thru. All I know is that girl in there loves you a lot, at this stage even more than she loves her own father at the moment. You see I never knew my father he was killed in a traffic accident on his and my mothers honeymoon. I grew up with that man in there and I know he just wants the best for her. If it means coming back here to live he will give his right arm to see that she does. I think that she has the better deal because she now has two fathers and was able to grow up knowing her mother."

He shook my hand again and said. "I know it's not Angela's fault and it seems like I took a lot out on her after I found out but I was so mad at her mother I started to take it out on her. In fact I was just about to apologize to her before you asked to talk to me."

"Mr. Morgan there is something else you should know before we go back in there."

"What is it son?"

"I don't know how much she told you about college but her and my sister were in one of the same classes and my sister introduced her to me. We started to get pretty serious before she had to come back home. Her and I have agreed to postpone that part of our relationship until both of us are able to search within our selves about the step-brother and step-sister issue."

"You were the boy she said she was falling in love with?"

"Yes Sir."

"Well I see at least you do have a pretty good head on your shoulders and since you and her have put that on the back burner for now I won't mention it to her. I'll let her bring it up when the time is right."

"Thank you sir."

When we walked back in the room he went over and put his arms around Angela, then he said. "Baby I'm sorry if I took things out on you but I was so hurt at the time that I just started lashing out at you. Can you forgive me?"

Angela looked up at him and said. "Yes Daddy I do. After finding out about Brent's father I actually feel lucky about having two fathers. James has told me that it was you who raised me and made me the person that I am and no matter what you will be my father also. In fact I just came to get a few more of my things so that I can spend the rest of the summer with them. Then by then we will both have things sorted out in our heads and be able to come to grips with our feelings."

"I know baby, that’s part of the reason why I thought that you should go ahead and go visit with them. All I ask is that you never forget me."

"Fat chance of that." She said "You know that you will always be part of my life just like Melissa will be. Just remember I am leaving the rest of my stuff here and that means I will be back."

He hugged her one more time then let her go and walked over to my mother and father and shook their hands, telling them. "I know you will but take good care of my baby there please?"

They told him that they would and then Dad said. "Well kids we had better get rolling if we plan to make Oklahoma City by dark."

We left Mr. Morgan and a crying Melissa in the driveway as we left.

When we got back home we had a message on the machine from my grandfather. He wanted Mary Anne, and I to come up and see him. I called him back and told him that Mary Anne was on a trip to a dig site and when she got back we would come up to see him. Mom then got on the phone and explained about Angela. He then told my mother that all of us were to come up, Angela, her father and sister needed to be there too and also he wanted mothers parents there but would not explain why. We all thought that sounded strange but he had always done some things different from most other people. 

Angela called her fathers office and relayed the message to him and he agreed to come down to Lawton to meet us. Just let him know when and where to meet.

Mary Anne got back on the following Wednesday and Angela called her father and set up the time to meet us on the northeast corner of junction 62 and 115 at noon on Saturday.

I then called my grandfather and let him know that all of us would be there Saturday afternoon.

------------

We all met at 12:10 that Saturday. Angela and I finished the ride up to my grandfather's place with her father. 

When we arrived my great aunt Bernice came out to greet us. Telling us that my grandfather was out back putting the finishing touches to the Ceremonial Circle and that we should come on in the house. After she lead us in to the living room Mary Anne and her went back into the kitchen to finish up supper. We hadn't hardly gotten seated my grandfather came in and I introduced him to Angela, Mr. Morgan and Melissa he had already met my other grandparents. When he started to greet them they just gave him a dirty look but otherwise kept their greetings formal.

He sat down in his favorite chair and said. "I know you are wondering why I wanted all of you here but I'm not going to go into it much right now. Brent and Mary Anne both pretty well know the Circle Ceremony and they can fill you in on some of it but tonights is a special one that has been long in coming. Mr. and Mrs. Hastings whether you know it are not you are part of what ever happens tonight"

Mary Anne came back into the room and started to tell us that supper would be in about 15 minutes, and then she spotted grandfather and went over and kissed him on the cheek. She then sat down at his feet and started telling him of the site she had been on. She had to stop when aunt Bernice hollered that supper was on the table.

After supper grandfather cornered Angela and I then led us back to the bedrooms. He said, "Brent, I want you and Angela to put on Indian Ceremonial costumes tonight. Yours Angela is in here and Brent yours is in my bedroom."

"Why grandfather?" I asked.

"You will see later on. Angela Bernice will be here in a few minutes and show you the proper way to wear it."

Angela looked at me with a puzzled look and all I could do was shrug my shoulders with just as puzzled look at her.

He then went on to say. "Brent you already know the way it goes. I am going to get the others out to the circle. Bernice will bring both of you out when it is time." He then turned and walked back to the living room. 

About 30 minutes later Aunt Bernice knocked on the doors and told us that it was time for us to go out to the circle.

When I stepped out of the bedroom, there stood the most beautiful Indian Princes that I believe ever set foot on this earth. My heart started to beat a mile a minute. I was speechless all I could do was look at her.

When we got out to the circle grandfather was sitting in the center of the circle in full Indian Dress. Everybody else was sitting around the inside of the circle with two spaces left between Mom and Dad.

Aunt Bernice stopped us on the outside and told us to sit down and wait till grandfather was ready.

Grandfather started the ceremony in the usual way putting a small amount of gunpowder into the small fire in front of him. Then he began to speak.

"Many years ago there was a young warrior named Swift Buffalo and an Indian Princess named Blue Fox. They were very much in love. Swift Buffalo went out hunting the rare White Elk to give to Blue Fox to make her a beautiful wedding dress. While he was gone a band of Pawnee raided the camp and the Chief carried her off to be his woman. Blue Fox was so heartbroken that she would never see Swift Buffalo again that when they were riding next to a cliff she tried to throw herself off of the horse and over the cliff. When Swift Buffalo came back successful from his hunt and found that the Pawnee had taken her he jumped on his pony and started racing away in the direction they had taken. He followed every lead he could to find The Chief. After a year had passed he came back to the tribe and took a wife and later on had a son. In the Pawnee camp Blue Fox died in childbirth but the baby girl lived and was raised by the Pawnee Chiefs second wife. A few more years passed and he came upon the Pawnee Chief and challenged him to fight for the honor of Blue Fox. During the fight they were both mortally wounded and with his dying breath he swore that his decedents would not rest until the circle was closed." He stopped the story there and motioned Angela and I into circle to stand on either side of him.

Mary Anne and I had heard a similar story almost a hundred times, but this time the story was different. The look on everybody's face was in itself compassion on one hand but bewilderment on the other. I looked at Angela and she had a tear running down her cheek. I reached out and brushed it away with my fingertip. 

Grandfather started speaking again. "That was over 200 hundred years ago but tonight I stand here with Morning Dove and Running Elk." 

With those words Angela and I looked at each other and knew without a doubt that we were that boy and girl so long ago that shared a story at summer camp and realized how my grandfathers words about our lives being intertwined together was true. As we stared at each other with love in our eyes as grandfather started to speak again.

"As of tonight and with these two people that circle will once again be full. I knew of this moment years ago but as with so many lives there has to be many pitfalls and traps along the way." Turning to Mr. Morgan and said. "It was your wife that brought part of this together. She was the descendent of Blue Fox." He then turned to mother and told her, "Joan you are the descendent of Swift Buffalo thru your great-great grandmother."

He then turned and put Angela's hand in mine and smiled at both of us and said. "Tonight we have not only brought back together two sets of loves, that of Blue Fox and Swift Buffalo but also the love between Running Elk and Morning Dove. We have also helped to start healing two sets of families." 

He then turned and looked my grandmother in the eye and continued. "I know how your feelings run Mrs. Hastings but if you will do a search of your family you will find that your great grandfathers first wife was full blood Arapaho. She was the granddaughter of Swift Buffalo. After she died in childbirth he married again and his second wife raised the girl as her own, in a white world." 

He then looked at Mr. Morgan and continued. "Your wife was the descendent of Blue Fox. I do not know the different relations down the line but when I first met Angela at the summer camp when she was twelve I saw it. I already knew about Brent. They were both too young at the time to fully understand the implications of the situation. I had to let them grow up and develop their lives and ultimately their love. Your wife gave you two of the most precious gifts that anyone can give. She gave you Angela's and hers love. She tried to hide the pain of Angela's birth as long as she could to save you the grief and frustration that you have been feeling."

Turning back to Angela and I he went on. "Both of your lives down the line starting with Swift Buffalo and Blue Fox and from then on as led you to this point in your lives. As I said so many years ago at that summer camp your lives would be intertwined as of this day it will be up to both of you to untangle and straighten out all of the joys and pain that started so many years ago."

As he left the circle and walked over to mom and hugged her and told her. "I did not tell you about all of this because I did not know when or even that Angela and Brent would ever meet again before I died. You have done my son a great honor by reuniting a love that held out thru the centuries."

My mother hugged him back crying on his shoulder.

When my mother finally let him go he said to all of us. "I know it will take time and patience to heal all of the wounds that have occurred in your lifetimes but now you have a basis from which to work on, if for no other reason than for Angela's and Brent's happiness but I hope all of you will find the joy of finally coming to the fact that despite all of the heartache and pain you do love one another. I know it is late but if you want you can stay here and talk together around the circle. When you are ready for bed Brent and Mary Anne will show you to the cabins." He then left us and headed back towards the house.

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After my grandfather left Mary Anne came over to Angela and I and said. "I knew both of belonged together before I introduced you to each other. I just didn't know how special each of you were. I had always listened to grandfather's stories and had thought that was just what they were. But as I studied about American Indian Culture and after the way he was aware of all of the circumstances involved I have more understanding just how much an Indian Medicine Man is so aware of people and their surroundings."

Angela's Father stated that it seemed as a heavy burden had been lifted from his heart as he heard my grandfather so what he did about Angela's mother. 

My grand parents never said a word except to each other and it looked like they might have been having a little argument between them. After a few minutes they asked Mary Anne to show them to there cabin. The rest of us spent a good bit of the night talking and there was some joyful crying. It was late before everyone got in bed. 

Angela and I being the last ones. When I kissed her goodnight she said. "Brent, I have been in love with you since that night at summer camp when we were twelve and I didn't realize it until tonight. I never want to lose you again."

"I love you too Angela, if I have anything to say about it we will never be apart again." And we kissed again.

When everyone got up and moving the next morning my grandfather told me that my grandparents left early that morning without saying a word to anybody.

After breakfast we all had to say our goodbyes. With grandfather making everybody promise they would be welcome anytime. He told Angela and I that he expected us to come and visit often hinting about great grandchildren in the process.

Angela's father made all of my family promise to come up and see him and Melissa as soon as we could, since she would be going to college there in Tulsa and living at home.

We all made them both promise to come and see us also. Angela and I would be going back with my parents so that we could start our wedding plans.

On the way back in the car Mary Anne told Angela that she was free to use her room until we got married but mom and dad didn't like the idea of us living in so close of an environment until we married. Angela said that she would get an apartment but I told her that since she didn't have a job as of yet that I would get the apartment and she could move into my old room. Mom and dad liked that idea because it would let them get to know Angela better. In the meantime Angela could still use Mary Anne's room until I moved out.

Over the next few months I moved into an apartment and Angela moved into my old room. Angela and my mother basically took over the wedding plans. We set the date for the wedding for next July that way Mary Anne and Melissa would be out of school. 




Closing The Circle



Angela insisted on a traditional Indian wedding ceremony to be followed by a legal service. With the pastor of the local Indian church performing the legal service. 

My grandmother shocked us all by wanting to have Thanksgiving dinner at her house and even invited Angela's Father and Sister. Angela's father agreed and they planned to come down on Wednesday and stay till Saturday. 

Surprisingly Thanksgiving went real smooth and grandmother was more pleasant towards me than anytime in the past. I commented that fact to my mother after we got back to the house. Then she told me that her mother had been researching her Family Tree and found out that not only did she have an Indian ancestor but that she had actually found three more in the family.

Angela and I went up to visit her father and sister for Christmas. We stopped back by my grandfathers on the way back and visited with him and aunt Bernice. When we started to leave Angela put a couple of boxes in the car. I asked her what was in them and she told me that it was your Christmas present from your grandfather but we were not to unwrap it until we got home. When we arrived back at home my grandparents were there and had a couple of more packages for Angela. Angela and I wanted to unwrap them but my grandmother wanted to say something first.

She first spoke to my mother. "Joan I know that we have been communicating more here lately but I have never really apologized to you about how I treated Nathan. I know I was bigoted but part of it was he took my little girl from me. You never knew it but your father and I nearly got divorced over the way I treated you. I guess over the years he had gotten used to the way I was and never said much when I put Brent down. The night of the Circle Ceremony he basically told me to shut up and start thinking about what Nathan's father had said, because if a man could tell just by looking at two twelve year old kids and knowing how their future would come about then the rest of what he was saying would not be far from wrong. I am so sorry I caused you grief all these years can you forgive me?"

Mother went over and hugged her mother so hard I thought she would break a rib or two. After the crying subsided a little mother said. "Yes mother, I forgive you. How can I not when I have always loved you even though we have not always agreed on things."

When the hugging and crying was mostly over grandmother then spoke to me. "Brent, you are the one that I owe the biggest apology to. Because of my narrow mindedness and bigotry I treated you like dirt. You didn't deserve that just because I did not like your father but part of it was that every time I looked at you I could see your mother and fathers love for each other. By treating you the way I did I cut myself off from watching you grow up into the fine man that you have become. I'm so sorry for all those wasted years. I asked your mother to forgive me but I am begging for your forgiveness."

"Grandmother, there is nothing to forgive. I guess I had more of my grandfathers blood in me than I thought because until this minute it never even occurred to me that all along I could see that deep in your heart you never stopped loving mom. And that you also loved me but never knew how to show it. I just put it off as just you being the way that you always were." 

After all of the hugging and crying was over. Angela told me to go ahead and unwrap the present my grandfather gave me. In it was an elaborate Indian Chief wedding outfit complete with moccasins feathers and all. In it was a note from my grandfather. It stated that it was Identical to the one that Swift Buffalo was to have worn when he was married to Blue Fox. 

Then it was Angela's turn to open hers. When she opened it up it was a beautiful white elk skin Indian wedding dress. My grandmother said. "I hope you didn't mind but since your mother was not here to help you with your wedding dress after I got your fathers permission I had Brent's Aunt Bernice help me with the dress, it is supposed to be just like Blue Fox's would have been."

To my grandmothers surprise Angela jumped up and gave my grandmother the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek that she probably had gotten in all of her life.

-----------

The wedding went off without a hitch and after the ceremony my grandfather told me that he expected his great grandchildren to come up at least two weeks every summer so that he could make sure that they would always know part of their heritage.

In the years to follow Angela and I have moved around the country some going where my jobs have carried me and our two children have grown up to be just as good people as their grandparents were. Every summer no matter where we were living they went to stay part of the summer with their great grandfather until he died at the ripe old age of 103. Our son Jeff followed in his Aunt's footsteps and is studying hard at the University of Oklahoma to become the archeologist that Mary Anne turned out to be. Vanessa, who was named after Angela's mother is studying to be a doctor at Baylor. 

Mary Anne became the leading expert in the field of Amerindian Culture in the U.S. she did her doctorate about the Perception of Truth and Myth in Indian Medicine Men. Mary Anne never married but from the way she talked she never is without some kind of companion. Come to find out later on she found out that she wasn't able to have children so that made her that much more dedicated to her job.

Melissa is now a Lawyer in a firm there in Tulsa. She has three children all in college them selves. Her children spent the summers with my grandfather also.

My stepfather died just after my daughter was born of a sudden heart attack. Mom never remarried but her and Angela's father spend a lot of time on the road in the motor home he bought when he retired. I believe the next time Angela and I go to visit her I'll bring up the idea since they spend so much time together. 

Mom's parents died in an automobile crash two years after Angela and I got married. They left everything in a trust to Mary Anne's and my children. When Mary Anne heard that she immediately signed a document stating that she would never have any children and that her part should be put into a scholarship fund for American Indian children.

Angela and I have and always will be two of the happiest and in love people we have ever met. Someday when we both pass on we want to be able to stand next to Swift Buffalo and Blue Fox and show them that their love for each other was not a waste.