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Broken Promises

By: CelticFrog



**Author's Note**

This is my first attempt at nonerotic writing. In my endeavor to become a better writer, I am expanding my horizons. I welcome any constructive criticism and comments. Please vote and if you are so inclined, leave public comment. Thanks.

* * * * *

The tears are unstoppable. Only they decide when they will reappear and to what extent. I sit on my own in a near-empty house, willing myself to remain calm. Then my inner voice reminds me that I stayed calm last time. And nothing came of it. My hurt was shrugged off an unfeeling shoulder and I was brushed aside in a consciousness. My feelings became the laughing stock of some section of mind that never breaks the surface. 

This time, I tell myself, I will react differently. But I am unsure of how I will do it. If I am immediately confrontational, he will start out defensive. If I am calm like last time, he will ignore my feelings. If I am crying when he walks through the door, I will be regarded as a simpering fool. In all scenarios I play in my head, I can never win. Somehow, I will become the bad guy in the story, and I will feel the guilt that he so willingly passes off onto my shoulders. I will be the affected, the afflicted. And he will go about his days without so much as a backward glance to what has transpired between us.

Where do I draw the line? Where do I give up and find completion somewhere else? When do I say enough is enough and walk away, bleeding my heart through tear ducts that feel as though they will never be dry again? Where is my breaking point? 

I fear that I will subject myself to too many lies, too many heartbreaks before I can allow myself to admit failure. I fear that I may never understand that love isn't really enough. That sometimes, some people cannot commit themselves to one person completely. There will always be something else, lingering like the stink of death, to keep one person always a little more distant. A little less willing to give their whole heart.

It is as though I have been slapped with a concrete column, jerked out of its supportive place at the front of a majestic plantation. As the awning collapses, so do the supports in my soul. The trust and faith that I forced upon myself. The hope that I so foolishly have continued to foster, only to watch it collapse and be rebuilt upon a shaky foundation again and again. I wonder how long it will be before I fall to empty promises and falsehoods again. I wonder if I will ever learn that I cannot trust my heart. I wonder why I do not listen to the instincts calling from the back of my mind.

I cannot pause to think, or I will be afraid of the thoughts that creep up on me. I feel myself crumbling at the thoughts of what I would want to take with me if I left. I do not want to think of leaving. I cannot understand why I still want this to work, but understanding is apparently not necessary. I don't know how much more I can give. I feel as though somehow, by my not being the perfect housewife, I have brought this pain and sorrow upon myself. As if maybe he wouldn't lie to me if I would just clean the kitchen more often, if I would simply be a better maid. And yet, the best I can give him is all that I have, and I have given more than I ever believed was possible. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I know I should be more to him. After all, I do stay home with the baby while he goes to work everyday. Still, I am unable to be the person I want to be for him. And the more I try to be, the worse I become.

I hear the door and my stomach jumps. My mind races as I go through the list of things I want to scream at him and cry over. And I can't do anything but cry. He gives me another excuse that I want to believe. Another excuse that my heart breaks over. Because the promises he has made, the promises he has broken, have all become one. And I don't know what other promises he will break before the end.

At length, we talk and come to another compromise. A compromise similar to ones we have come to and failed at before. This one should be easier, though. Hope shines through pinholes that this one is a smaller step and therefore one that he can take without feeling as if he is losing himself. We somehow do not degrade into a shouting match, one with slammed doors and threats of leaving. We are learning through all of this, somehow. We are learning to talk and cry like lovers instead of enemies. My heart still hurts, and bleeds like a tiny crack in a shattered vase that was glued together by a concentrating child. But it is better than it was. And I see that he truly does not want to hurt me, although he cannot help himself at times.

We calm down and change the subject, having come to an acceptable stopping point. We are both satisfied that we can successfully change something this small but with such destructive capability. We do not have make-up sex, but instead cuddle up next to each other in a cocoon of such love and safety that it is almost hard to believe we were both crying helpless tears minutes ago. And we fall into a comforting sleep, waking with our arms still wrapped around each other and still as totally in love as we were the day we married. For a fleeting moment I ponder how we can still love so passionately, and then I understand that our love is one that defies description and can only be understood by observation. I smile sleepily, burrow into the safety of his strong arms, and doze in perfect contentment. 

Broken Promises



I walked up to the table and stood there. My wife's jaw dropped and her mouth was an open gaping hole. I think it was the most unattractive I had ever seen her look. Douglas started to rise but I held up my hand and said, "No Douglas don't get up. As long as you are sitting you are safe but if you get up I will be forced to knock your teeth down your throat. So please remain seated, I would hate to make a horrible scene here.

"I am sorry that I am interrupting your intimate moment here but I have to tell you Julia, I cannot believe that you faked being sick so you could blow off a weekend with me and be with this piece of dog shit. You know there is no one in the world I hate more than Douglas "dog shit" Simon. But to come here to OUR special place, the place where we met, the place where I asked you to be my wife and the place where we had so many happy times that is really something else again. Yes, it used to be a very special place to me but it is not so special to me anymore and neither are you.

"On our wedding day you promised, 'I will never do anything to hurt you.' And 'I will never do anything to make you stop loving me.'

"As I see it that is two broken promises because one I am terribly hurt and two my love for you is melting away like an ice cube in a cup of hot coffee.

"You know me better than anyone Julia and you know how I operate, I SAIL. I See the situation, Analyze the situation, Identify what the problem is and Look for the solution.

"I see the situation is you here with Douglas, in analyzing it I conclude you want to date other men. I am your husband and I will not allow you to date other men so I am obviously the problem. My solution is to remove the problem so that is what I am going to do. You are now free to date any men you want.

"I hope this piece of dog shit is worth it Julia."

As I turned to leave I added, "Douglas, this isn't over between us however. I will be seeing you around."

I walked quickly to the exit and out onto the street. I hurried across Michigan Avenue and around the corner toward the lobby of the Drake hotel. I stood there out of view when I saw Julia rush out the door and onto the sidewalk in front of Spiaggia. She desperately looked everywhere trying to locate me but she didn't spot me. When she didn't see me anywhere her shoulders slumped and she crossed the street, hailed a taxi and headed north toward our condo a few blocks away. I was horribly upset but I took some consolation in knowing that I had at least ruined her night with Douglas and also that she seemed to care enough to leave him and head home hoping to find me there. She wouldn't.

I waited a few more minutes to see what 'Dog Shit' did. It wasn't long before he came out and hailed a taxi and left in the opposite direction.

I decided to stay at the Drake for a few days until I could figure out what to do with my life so I went in and was able to get a room.

You are probably wondering how we got to this point in time so I will lay it all out for you. My name is John Burton and of course my wife's name is Julia. When I graduated from MIT I took a job as a software engineer working for Grace Systems Solutions a software developer in Chicago. The owner of the company and my boss was Gregg Grace and I have to say he was a pretty decent boss. I was able to work my way up in the company quite quickly and was actually pretty successful at what I did. At the second company Christmas party I attended Gregg introduced me to his goddaughter Julia. She was the daughter of his best friend and he had invited them to the party. I actually think he invited them so he could set me up with Julia. I was glad he did.

Have you ever heard of love at first sight? Well I was hit with it. I thought Julia was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and she was witty, funny and everything else I could imagine I would want in a woman. Yeah, you can tell I was a smitten. It didn't take long for me to dominate her night and truthfully I think she dominated mine too. We hit it off from the start and never looked back. As you read earlier the party was at Spiaggia and it just kind of became OUR special place. Three months later while on a Saturday evening date at Spiaggia I asked her to marry me and she jumped into my arms and said yes. 

We were married and our lives just kept getting better and better. My career flourished, her career flourished and we had many celebratory dinners at OUR place.

We were married in 2010 and everything seemed to be going along great until about six months ago when I started to get the feeling that the honeymoon was over. I know it isn't supposed to last forever but I really wanted it to. I was almost certain that there wasn't anything going on behind my back but of course you could never be absolutely certain. It was just a feeling that the romance had diminished.

I decided to do something about it and began planning a surprise getaway for the two of us. One of my best friends and former roommate Adam Hartley worked with his father Ben in the software industry too and in fact was a customer of Gregg's company. I frequently had to make a trip to their offices in Cleveland so I made my plans coinciding with one of the scheduled trips.

Julia and I were supposed to go to Cleveland to meet with Adam and Ben and their wives, Carolyn and Gloria respectively, for dinner on Friday night, then a brief meeting Saturday morning to discuss business and then we were going to drive to Niagra Falls for a couple of days by ourselves returning to Chicago on Monday night. My hope was that we would reconnect.

Julia clearly gave off vibes that she didn't want to make the trip with me. She didn't know about the Niagra Falls aspect because I wanted it to be a romantic surprise to jumpstart our second honeymoon. But, she kept balking at the idea and I had to push a bit to get her to agree to go.

Friday morning rolled around and when I got up Julia wasn't in our bed. I looked for her and found her in our spare bedroom sleeping. I whispered, "Julia, are you awake?" 

She stirred slightly and responded, "John, I got sick in the night and slipped out of bed so I wouldn't disturb you. I am really sick and just need to sleep some more. Will you call my office and tell them that I am sick and won't be in at all today please?"

I did as she asked and left her to sleep while I went to work. Around ten o'clock I called her to see how she was feeling and she said she was still sick. I said, "Well, I guess I will have to go to Cleveland alone then." I didn't get a response to that so I hung up the phone and immediately dialed Adam to let him know that I would be coming alone and see if they wanted to change any of the plans. Adam suggested that since Julia couldn't make it perhaps they would cancel the Cleveland trip and the two couples would just come to Chicago to meet with me Friday night and then Saturday they could do some shopping on the "Magnificent Mile" and if Julia was feeling better then we could have dinner Saturday night.

I thought it was a wonderful idea so I told him that I would make reservations for them at the Drake Hotel and would meet them across the street at Spiaggia for dinner at 6:00 p.m.. I called and cancelled my flight, my hotel room in Cleveland and all of the arrangements I had made for a car and for the hotel in Niagra Falls. I was disappointed but what are you going to do.

At three in the afternoon I called Julia to see if she was feeling better and well enough that maybe she would join us for dinner but I got a busy signal and frankly I forgot to call again because I was busy getting my presentation set up for Adam and Ben. Finally at 5:30 p.m. as I was rushing out the door I called again but this time there was no answer and it went to voicemail. I left her a message telling her what the plans were and took a taxi to Spiaggia to meet with the Hartley's.

We were having a cocktail at our table before our meal when all of a sudden Adam got a funny look on his face and said, "John, I am sorry but this is going to upset you a great deal. Julia just walked into the restaurant and joined another man. They are behind you and to your left against the wall. I am so sorry John." 

I slowly turned in my chair so I could see her and there she was with another man. I use that term loosely because it wasn't really a man it was Douglas "Dog Shit" Simon. 

I hate him and always will. To make that long story short I will simply tell you that he was engaged to my sister Barbara and literally left her standing at the altar. He finally showed up two days later at her door to tell her he just didn't want to get married. Three weeks later we saw his marriage license to another woman in the paper and a birth announcement five months after that. Barb was crushed and even though I feel she is better off without the cheating bastard she has never quite gotten over the whole thing. So now you know why I call him "Dog Shit" and why I hate him.

Anyway, back to the present. To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. I know I tried to say a few words but just stammered. I could see the shocked looks on everyone's faces and knew they felt sympathy for me. When I could finally speak I said, "Well isn't that something!

"Obviously I am not going to be able to continue this evening with you. I am not going to just sit here and pretend I didn't see what we all have seen. I suggest you four continue your evening and why don't we meet for breakfast tomorrow morning at 9:30 a.m. in your hotel coffee shop? I am quite certain I will be in better shape by then. Also, it is obvious that Julia and I will not be meeting you for dinner tomorrow night. I am really sorry, please forgive me."

I hugged the ladies and both men too, they were after all longtime friends, and walked over to the table where my wife was sitting. I am pretty sure that Adam followed a few steps behind just to make sure that everything would be alright. It wouldn't be but I appreciated his concern for me.

So we are back to the confrontation at their table and so forth and I am in my room at the Drake.

I had turned off my cell phone while I was registering and figured I better turn it back on. There were several messages from Julia but like everyone else in my situation I just deleted them without listening to them. As I deleted the last voice mail my phone rang again but I let it go to voice mail because I didn't want to hear a thing she had to say. When it beeped that there was a voice mail I just deleted it and turned off the phone again.

Saturday morning I met with Adam and Ben to talk about our business relationship. I said, "Well guys I think there are going to be some significant changes taking place in my life and I am not exactly sure what those are going to be. I would like to ask you to not sign the new contract Gregg sent to you. Can you give me a little time to see what shakes out with my marriage and my job? As you know Gregg is Julia's father's best friend and her godfather. If you can, there may be a better deal for you out there later. If not, I certainly understand but honestly I don't see any harm in you going month to month with Gregg until my future is solidified. What do you think?"

As one they replied, "John, we will do as you are asking. We are with Gregg because of you and if your situation changes we will always be with you. Let us know what we have to do and when things change. We are here for you in any way you want us to be."

I got tears in my eyes with that and again just hugged to two of them. Then the ladies walked into the restaurant and it was time for them to drag their husbands off to spend their money. Adam's wife Carolyn smiled and said, "Come on dear, your credit card is cold and I think I need to warm it up for you."

Gloria, Ben's wife said, "I hope that Ben's cards are heat resistant because we are going to slide them so many times today that they just might melt. It isn't often we get a chance to shop the "Magnificent Mile."

I had to chuckle in spite of how I was feeling because I know they were playing with their husbands and also trying to cheer me up. I loved them for it. Hugs all around and off they went.

I thought about going to the office to put some things in order but figured that Gregg might be there on a Saturday and maybe even Julia would go there expecting I might turn up there. I decided to stay away and go in on Sunday morning early to do what I figured I would need to do. I spent the rest of Saturday afternoon reading a book I picked up. 

The next morning I went into the office and put a few things in order. I worked out the plan for what I would try to accomplish on Monday morning. Then, I went back to my hotel room with the Chicago Tribune and started looking at the advertisements for apartments. I knew that I couldn't stay at the Drake for the long term so I would have to do something else. When I had a few possiblities I made some calls and set up appointments for Tuesday morning. When that was all set up I settled down and decided to watch some football.

Monday morning I went to see my attorney. Roger had been my attorney since I arrived in Chicago and I asked him if he would have a problem representing me in a divorce action. He said, "God no John, you can't really expect me to believe you are divorcing Julia. You love her like nobody I have ever seen."

I replied, "Roger, the key word here is love. It is now past tense because I don't love her anymore. If you don't want to represent me fine, but all I would ask then is that you don't represent Julia either."

He agreed, "I would rather not represent either of you. I think you should try to work this out John, but if you won't or can't then you should use Jacob Easterman. I think he will do a good job for you. But please try to work it out okay?"

I thanked him for the referral but said, "No way are we going to work it out Roger I just don't love her anymore."

I met with Jacob and he assured me that he could have all of the paperwork ready to file by the end of the day on Tuesday and Julia would be served Wednesday morning.

A visit to my bank was the next order of business and I got a cashier's check for half of our savings account. I left all of the money in our checking account because there would be bills to be paid up until the time our divorce was final. 

Julia and I had a specific arrangement when it came to our finances. We each contributed a set amount each month to cover the monthly operating expenses. We also put in a set amount for meals and entertainment and a certain amount to build a fund for furnishings and equipment, etc. That account had grown to a sizeable amount because we always put in more than we used. That is why I left it so it could pay bills until the divorce was final. We also each put about $500 per month into a savings account for vacations and holiday's. I did take the 50% of that account.

All of the rest of our individual earnings were our money to invest as we saw fit and use as we saw fit. My investment account and her investment account were completely separate and in fact with different brokers. I don't even know the value of her account and I suspect she doesn't know the value of mine. Likewise on our 401k plans we each had those separately. The only thing we know about the other person's finances is that amount deposited each month into checking and savings.

I took my cashier's check to a different bank locally and opened new accounts for me. The amount I deposited in checking was $25,000 and $125,000 in my new savings account. 

I took care of a few additional details mainly financial like insurances etc. then figured it was time to go into the office and get things settled there.

I had barely walked in the door when the Kelly, the receptionist, told me "Gregg wants to see you in his office immediately." 

I figured, "Well here we go."

When I knocked on his door he called me in, "Come in John and close the door. I got a call from Julia. What in the hell is going on?"

I told him the whole story and he asked, "What are you going to do now?" to which I replied, "I am going to divorce her, what do you think?"

Now I really like Gregg but he is a bit of an arrogant ass sometimes and it started to come out immediately. He said, "Oh no you aren't John. You are going to suck it up and work this out with your wife. There is no way you are going to divorce her and continue working here. Those are your choices, work it out with Julia or I fire your ass."

I looked stunned (really I was pretending to look stunned) and said, "Gregg are you telling me that my work isn't valuable enough for you to get around the fact that I am divorcing Julia? Haven't I done a good job for you? Have I broken any of the company rules or did I not follow company policy?" You may have guessed it by now that I had my phone recording this whole conversation.

"John, you do a great job for the company and you are as straight laced as it gets and always follow the rules. And hell, you helped write the company policy so I know you follow that but Julia is my goddaughter and I am telling you that unless you work it out with her I am firing you. Do you understand?" I know he was just trying to pressure me but I was going to turn the tables and put the pressure on him.

I didn't smile but I wanted to at that point. Instead I said in a sad voice with a sad face, "Then Gregg you are going to have to say the words because I am divorcing Julia."

He looked surprised and disappointed but he said, "John you are fired."

I asked him to have security escort me to my office so I could remove the few things that I had left there. I did take a few things out on Sunday because I suspected that this was going to happen. I had worked with Gregg a long time and knew him quite well.

When I got to my office or should I say former office there were only a few things I wanted so I packed them in a small box I had gotten from the storage room. As I was about to leave the office Gregg said to me, "John, what about this picture." It was a picture of Julia and I on our wedding day. She was beautiful in her wedding gown and I have to admit I didn't look too shabby in my tuxedo either. A sadness overtook me for a moment and I know that tears welled up in my eyes. 

I said, "Oh yes, I always did love that frame." I picked up the picture, took off the back, dropped the picture into the trash bin and put the frame in my box of belongings. 

When I turned to walk out the door there stood Julia. She looked shocked and there were tears streaming down her face. Obviously she had seen me discard the wedding picture and felt the ramifications of me doing that. 

She asked in a very subdued voice, "Johnny, can we talk?"

I only slowed down and halted my exit slightly to respond, "There is nothing to talk about Julia, you already have cheated on me or were going to. You broke both promises you made to me on our wedding day. You hurt me so bad it broke my heart and you did something that made me stop loving you. It has been said many times before 'you can't unbreak a heart'. What is left? Do you really think I will be able to get over you cheating on me? You know how much I hate Douglas after what he did to Barb yet you were cheating on me with him? Surely you can't expect that we can still make it as husband and wife? No, Julia, there is nothing else to talk about." I continued walking out the door of my job and out the door of Julia's life.

I called Adam Hartley and told him that Julia and I were divorcing and that I had been fired from Grace System Solutions because of it. I told him that I was working on a new system security program that would be head and shoulders above what Grace was now offering but that I needed a couple of months to get it in condition to implement it. I asked again, "Would you be willing to stay on month to month with Grace until I could roll out my new program?




Broken Promises



"For the last two years Gregg has not allowed me to program as part of my job preferring to have me do system maintenance projects and all customer service/relations issues. Because of that I have been writing code in my personal time and I have it almost finished. Had I not gotten fired I was going to lease it to Gregg after he had a chance to see the improvements over his current program but now I will be free to market it on my own."

Adam said, "I would have to check with dad before my answer could be final but I am quite certain we would be willing to give you a few months to finalize it and then based upon our evaluation of course we could implement it here."

I was able to move out of the hotel in four days into a very nice apartment and though the monthly rent was rather high I had the reserves to make it work for a few months. After the move I spent ten to twelve hours a day writing and testing code. I knew that I could have it ready for market soon but I was driven to finish it and move on with my life. 

During that time Julia was served divorce papers. She called me numerous times wanting to talk it through. I listened to all of her voice messages but there was nothing that I felt the necessity to talk to her about. 

She told me, "Johnny, I admit I probably would have slept with Douglas if you hadn't stepped in but I never did. I don't know what I was thinking but I love you. Will you please call me?"

She said, "Johnny, I love you, I don't want a divorce, please call me."

She said, "Johnny, can't you find a way to forgive me and stay married to me?"

She said, "Johnny, I miss you!"

I was sick of it so I called Jacob and asked him to please contact Julia's attorney and tell him I would be seeking a restraining order if she didn't stop.

Soon thereafter I got a message from Julia, "Johnny, I love you and want with all my heart to put an end to this and spend the rest of my life loving you. I can't believe you want a restraining order against me but if you need to do it go ahead. This will be my last message to you. I want you more than life itself but the ball is now in your court. I am sorry I hurt you so bad that you wouldn't even talk to me. I love you honey, call me anytime you want."

True to her word I got not further voicemails or texts or anything. The effect wasn't quite what I expected because it kind of put a final stroke to our marriage even if we weren't divorced yet. It really did make me sad.

Three weeks flew by as I was working on my programs for many hours in each day. On a Friday afternoon shortly after lunchtime I got a call from Jacob informing me that we had a court hearing scheduled for the following Wednesday morning with Judge Janice Caldwell. He said that was not good news because she had the reputation of being totally against divorce and put everyone through the hoops before ever granting one, if she granted it at all. 

When we arrived at the courtroom Julia and her attorney were already there and our case was called within a couple of minutes. Once seated the bailiff called the courtroom to order, "All rise" and we did. Judge Caldwell entered and sat down and welcomed us to her courtroom. She turned to me and asked, "As the petitioner in this divorce case I am asking if you would drop this action and go home and work on your marriage?" 

I replied that, "No your honor, I want to continue the action."

I knew that trouble was probably coming when she had a look of disapproval on her face but said, "Well okay then."

She turned to Julia and asked, "Mrs. Burton are you in agreement with this divorce action or do you want to work on saving your marriage?"

Julia didn't hesitate, "Your honor I absolutely do not want a divorce, I love my husband and I want nothing more than to save my marriage."

"Mr. Burton, I have reviewed the petition carefully, recognizing that you are filing on the basis of irreconcilable differences and I note that your proposed settlement is extremely fair and I see no indication of the usual vindictiveness from the normal petitioner. Do you have any explanation why that is?"

"Your honor, I don't hate her, I don't want to hurt her and I have no reason to not be fair in a settlement. I just don't want to be married to her anymore because I don't love her anymore."

Julia gasped when I said that and there was a hint of a sob. 

The judge continued, "I think there is a really good chance that you two can work out your issues given the proper opportunity. I am going to order marriage counseling with a very qualified counselor. I am going to order three joint sessions, one initially then three individual sessions for each of you and then two additional joint sessions. The only exception to this ruling is if the counselor informs that court that there is no hope of saving this marriage. So ordered." She struck her gavel,'bam' and called, "Next case."

I wanted to protest but Jacob held my arm and said, "John, just go to the first session and see if you change your mind. If not make it perfectly clear to the counselor that you want out and see where it goes from there."

Counseling was a disaster. Julia cried, apologized and begged for me to stop the divorce and work out our marriage. The counselor listened to me but didn't seem too sympathetic to my desire to end the marriage. He asked, "John, why don't you tell me why you won't consider working on your marriage."

"Dr. Graham, let me tell you a story. Not fiction but it would read like a fairy tale to many. I was attended my company Christmas party and saw a girl across the room. Ever hear of love at first sight? It was love at first sight for me. My boss introduced me to his goddaughter Julia and I knew she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

I glanced over at Julia and she was smiling, not the sad and tearful woman of a few moments ago.

"She was perfect for me and apparently I was perfect for her because it wasn't long before we were hotly involved and three months later I asked her to marry me and after that we didn't look back. I thought we were perfect."

This time it was me that let out a small sigh. It was close to a sob but it didn't quite get there. I went on, "It was love at first sight Mr. Graham, I didn't grow into it. It wasn't something that happened over time, it was instantaneous. Love at first sight.

"Does that give you any hints as to my psychological makeup? I would think it would. So, if one can fall in love 'at first sight' it wouldn't be much of a stretch to have one fall out of love in an instant would it? 

"Julia was on a date with another man, she claims she never had sex with him and I actually believe her but there is a very good chance she would have had sex with him if I hadn't stepped in. She cheated on our marriage any way you want to look at it. A date with another man is cheating. 

"And to add insult to injury the man she was with was Douglas "Dog Shit" Simon my worst enemy. It wasn't just any man. She knew of my hatred of Douglas, she knew the whole story about how Douglas hurt my sister Barbara yet here was the man she chose to do her cheating with. 

"Add further insult to injury she went with him to the most special place in our relationship, the place we met, the place where I asked her to marry me, the place where we spent many happy times together, and the place where I hoped we would celebrate her first pregnancy if that happened, the place where we would have celebrated the birth of our first child and so on and so on.

"When I saw her sit down with Douglas, saw him touch her face, saw them raise their glasses to each other in a toast and saw the smile on her face the love of my life cheating on me with my worst enemy my heart tore open and that love I had started leaking out. By the time I got to their table my heart was half empty and by the time I walked out the door of the restaurant it was dead. No more love for this woman who had been my life. All the love had leaked out.

"So now you see Doc why I don't want to be married to her anymore. There is no love left and I don't want to be in a marriage when I don't love her. I cannot be any more plain than that can I?"

Julia was openly crying by this time and I felt bad for her but it didn't change my resolve. I didn't love her anymore and I wanted out of the marriage. I turned to her and said, "Julia, I am sorry. I don't want to hurt you but can't you see my point? You wouldn't want to be married to me if I don't love you, and I don't."

Dr. Graham said, "Well our time is up for today but I think we have gotten everything out on the table at this time and I feel confident that we can make some further strides with the individual counseling and I have high hopes that we will be able to reconnect you two. I am going to recommend to the judge that these sessions should continue."

About this time I was livid, "After everything I just told you there is no chance in hell that I am attending further counseling sessions. You must be ignorant if you still feel there is a chance for this marriage to survive. Have your counseling sessions with Julia if you must, but I will not be attending any more sessions."

I got up and walked out of the office. I thought, "Damn, how can anyone be so dense."

Two days late I got a letter from the court with three dates scheduled for my individual counseling sessions. Needless to say when the first date had come and gone without me attending I was escorted to the courthouse and put befoe the judge and ultimately held in contempt of court. Judge Caldwell fined me $500.00 and informed me that if I missed my next counseling session I would be jailed. I told her, "You will have to jail me then because I am not going to any more counseling sessions."

That is exactly what happened. I skipped the next session and two hours after my scheduled appointment a police officer knocked on my door and escorted me to the Cook County jail. What a lovely place that is. Yikes.

My attorney visited me each day and tried to get me to agree to go to the counseling but I refused. On the third day I had another visitor. My old boss Gregg had come to see me and was allowed a 15 minute visit.

He said, "John, I am sorry you are going through this and I am sorry with the way I treated you. I should have seen how things were with you and been more supportive. I think I have a way out of this whole thing for you if you will just give me a chance to work through it with you. If you agree to the individual counseling Judge Caldwell will let you out of jail. Then you and I can sit down and go over what I feel will be helpful in resolving your situation. All I ask is that you consider coming back to work for me afterwards. No promises necessary, but just consider it."

For the first time in quite a while I actually felt good about something. Gregg had always been my friend and had always been fair to me before the Julia thing blew up. I agreed to do as he asked and promised to think about going back to work for Grace Systems Solutions.

The judge scheduled my first individual session for the next day and I was escorted home by an officer who waited while I showered, shaved and dressed for my appointment. He then escorted me to the session and waited for it to be completed. The session was what you would expect with all the psychological digging and probing, you know how it is. I did everything I could to be as cooperative as possible. 

When the session was over Dr. Graham escorted me out and informed the officer, "Mr. Burton was very cooperative and has agreed to attend the next session a week from today."

The officer said, "Very well then Mr. Burton, you are free to go home but let me caution you that if you miss next week's session you will be taken before Judge Caldwell again and man I wouldn't want to be in your shoes then. She is one tough mean woman when she gets pissed, so my advice is to not skip that session."

I called Gregg and agreed to meet with him at my apartment the next day. He and I spent the whole morning talking through his proposed plan. We made all of the necessary arrangements to obtain what we wanted and then went to lunch. After lunch we sat down again to discuss my future involvement with Grace Systems Solutions. 

I said, "Gregg, I have always thought well of you and you have been a good friend but I need to do what is best for me. I don't know if you remember back when I got my last promotion you ordered me to not do any programming. You informed me that I was too valuable as a system maintenance manager and customer service/relations manager to get up to my elbows in programming.

"I love to write code though Gregg so I have been working on a new security program that is four generations above anything on the market today. Trust me when I tell you that it would blow your socks off and revolutionize the system security of this country. You know all the trouble retailers have been having with being hacked. With my new program that will be totally impossible, totally. I am a couple of months away from testing on real company data and I would guess the program would be ready to roll out in three or four months."

Gregg nodded, "You have Ben and Adam lined up for the test right?"

I smiled and said, "Gregg, I never could pull much wool over your eyes. Yes, they have agreed to give it a trial. You know they are with you because of my personal friendship with Adam and truthfully if my program is successful they would be leaving you."

Gregg said, "I know you are right but how did you intend to get around the non-compete clause in your contract?"

"Gregg, the non-compete clause only applied if I quit or was fired for cause. Neither of those is the case though, you fired me because I wouldn't try to work out my marriage. Because of that there is no non-compete clause issue."

He got a devious smile on his face and said, "Not to be contentious because I want you to come back to work for me but I could have always trumped up some work related issues to fall back on."

I laughed at him and he kind of got a pissed off look on his face that I would laugh at him. "Gregg," I said, "I recorded our conversation when you fired me and I clearly asked you if there were any work issues responsible for my firing and you said 'no'. My firing had everything to do with Julia and nothing to do with my work. I have you on tape."

"Why did you feel it necessary to tape that conversation John?"

"Because Gregg I know you, I know how much you love Julia and I was pretty certain that you would go all out to get me to not divorce her."

"Okay, fair enough."

So I continued, "I expect to make a fortune on new software and I am willing to share that good fortune with you Gregg under certain circumstances. I will come back to work for you full time. 

"My duties can remain the same with regard to customer service/relations but I will not go back to the system maintenance aspects. You will have to hire a manager to take that over and that manager should report to me because it is going to be so closely aligned to the new program assuming you get on board with it and I have every reason to believe you will be ecstatic with it. The remainder of my time say about forty percent will be spent on program development. 

"Even though I will be working full time for you and getting paid to develop my program and future programs the exclusive ownership of said programs will rest with me. In exchange for those conditions I will grant you an exclusive license to market my programs with a fixed royalty percentage payable to me. 

"I know this is pretty brassy of me Gregg, but after you see what I am working on you will be happy with this deal. We are going to make a killing."

Gregg a true businessman said, "I agree to all the terms of this proposal and will have our corporate attorney contact you to write up the deal. You understand though that if I feel it isn't working as expected I would still have the option of letting you go. I would like you to modify the royalty percentage to a reasonable higher number in the event that would happen."

My next scheduled counseling session came and went without me attending. True to his warning the officer knocked on my door and dragged me to the courthouse, this time in cuffs. He smirked, "I warned you buddy, this time your ass is grass."

When Judge Judy, I mean Judge Caldwell came into the courtroom I detected two or three shades of bright red in her face and smoke coming out of her nostrils and fire shooting out of her eyes. Yeah, as predicted she was pissed.

"Well Mr. Burton, it seems you have done it again. I find you in contempt of court and hereby sentence you to 30 days in jail."

Julia was present though I don't know why and with an outburst said, "No Your Honor, please don't do that to John. I withdraw my objections to his request for divorce. Please grant it and don't send him to jail again."

I think spit flew out of her mouth when Judge Caldwell said, "It's too late for that honey, he is spending time in jail period."

At that time I jumped up and yelled, "Your Honor, I would like to approach the bench."

She glared at me and spat again, "You are not allowed to address me directly, that is what you have an attorney for."

I turned to Jacob and said, "Jacob Easterman, you are fired. Now, Your Honor I will be representing myself and wish to approach the bench."

I approached and so did Julia's attorney. "What is it Mr. Burton?"

"Your Honor, I would like to request a short meeting in your chambers to put this whole case to rest. I believe if we have that meeting everything will be resolved to everyone's satisfaction."

"Very well, counselors will meet with me in my chambers in ten minutes. I declare a short recess." Again the gavel, 'bam'.

When we gathered in her office I requested that the meeting be off the record. She shook her head and was about to speak when I said, "Your Honor, I have reason to believe that there are issues that neither you or Julia's attorney would like on public record so I once again ask that it be off the record." She looked at me long and hard and then nodded and asked the court recorder to leave the room.

"Very well Mr. Burton it is your show. Let's hear it."

"First of all Your Honor, I have no desire for anyone to get hurt further in these proceedings. Please believe me. I have reason to believe that there has been judicial impropriety here. I don't want you hurt, I don't want your marriage destroyed, I don't want Julia's parents marriage destroyed either and I certainly don't want Julia hurt. I don't love her anymore and I don't want to be married to her anymore but I don't want her world to fall apart either.

"As you already might have already surmised I have evidence of you having an affair with Julia's father. That would dictate that you recuse yourself from this case. The evidence is irrefutable and rather explicit I might add. I would present that evidence here to you and opposing counsel if necessary but I don't want to do that. Further if forced to do so I would provide it for the judicial review board but I don't want to do that either.

"As I said, I don't want anyone hurt further. Julia would be devastated and I don't know if your two marriages would survive. I just don't want to hurt anyone, I just want my divorce." I looked over at Julia's attorney to see if he would acknowledge his thoughts on the matter. "What do you think?", I asked.

He looked at Judge Caldwell and said, "Your Honor, I have always respected you because you refused to give up on marriages that had a chance to survive. You have been a real hard ass in some cases, excuse my bluntness, but I have always seen why you did it. 

"Assuming that Mr. Burton's evidence indeed exists I would be disappointed in you having an affair and further disappointed that you would not have recused yourself from this case but like him I wouldn't want you hurt. I believe you should grant him his divorce." 




Broken Promises



Turning to me he said, "Mr. Burton, my only request of you is that you just sit down with Julia for a short time and let her talk to you. You told the counselor that your heart was broken and I understand that but know also that her heart is broken too. Just give her a few minutes of your time. Your honor none if this needs to leave this room if you grant the divorce." 

When we returned to the courtroom she granted the divorce and agreed that the property settlement as presented was ordered. We each kept our investment accounts our 401k's and fifty percent of our savings. It was agreed that the operating expense account was sufficient to pay all of the bills up through the finalization of the divorce and beyond and would remain in Julia's custody. It was agreed that she would receive the condo and could live there as long as she chose to totally free but should she sell it the net proceeds would be split 50/50.

The judge reversed her ruling of 30 days in jail and only assessed a fine of $500.00 again which I gladly paid. I realized that she had to save face in some fashion or there would be unusual scrutiny of the case and nobody wanted that.

As promised I sat down with Julia in a private interview room next to the courtroom. She apologized again and told me she had no idea why she did what she did. She told me that she was going to continue to see her counselor until she understood why. She told me that she would always love me and begged me to forgive her.

"I do forgive you Julia, and I do not hate you. I just don't love you anymore."

I hugged her and walked out of the room. I could hear her crying as I walked down the hallway.

I spent the next six weeks working on the new security program and was on the verge of implementing it on Adam & Ben's system. About a week before I was to go to Cleveland I got a call from Julia.

She said, "Johnny, I have decided to sell the condo and I have an offer for $560,000. I didn't want to sell it to someone else before I gave you the opportunity to buy it if you want it. If you want it you can pay me the $280,000 and I will reject the other offer. What do you think?"

"First of all," I said, "I do not want the condo. You can go ahead and sell it and have my share of the proceeds sent to my attorney payable to me. He will take care of any of the paperwork that needs to be handled for the sale and get the funds into my account. But secondly, "Why are you selling the condo?"

She responded, "I am selling it because I am leaving town. I have a new job and won't be living here anymore."

She went on to tell me that she had found out about her father and the judge and that she knew I hadn't want anyone hurt but it still did hurt her when she found out. She said she "Just needed a fresh start."

I wished her all the luck in her new job and said my goodbyes.

Two weeks later I walked into Adam & Greg's company with my security software package prepared for the testing phase and implementation of the live system. When Adam came to greet me he gave me a big hug and said that they were very excited about the new system and anxious to get started.

"John," he said, "Let me introduce you to our IT Administrator."

And there stood Julia.

I glanced to Adam and said, "What is this all about?

He smiled and said, "Julia is our new IT Administrator. I am sure you know how talented she is and I am sure you will have no problem working with her to implement the new security package."

I was a bit nonplused but I told him, "I will need a computer workstation to work on a few things for the remainder of the day. I will work some with Julia today but mostly I will be getting the package ready for installing and implementation. The computer should have internet accessibility."

I managed to settle myself down and I have to tell you that the day was rather pleasant. I had always looked at Julia as witty, intelligent, humorous, beautiful and fun to be with. None of those attributes had changed. Like I said it was pleasant. I also had always considered Julia to be my best friend as well as my wife and lover so we got along wonderfully. 

Throughout the day it was quite obvious that Julia was doing everything in her power to be close to me, to interact with me and yes to subtly touch me. It was having an effect. Like I said I always considered Julia my best friend and truthfully I missed her. 

At 5:30 p.m. we said our goodbyes with "I will see you tomorrow," and left. Sitting in my hotel room I did a lot of thinking and decided to make a bold move. I logged onto my laptop and hacked into the company computer system. (Yes you know us programmers almost always put a back door into our systems just in case we ever want to access it.) Anyway, I hacked into the personnel records and got Julia's address. I went to the wine store and bought a bottle of Julia's favorite wine and drove to her apartment.

The doorman asked whom I wanted to see and asked if she was 

expecting me. I informed him, "I am here to see Julia Burton and no, she is not expecting me." 

He called Julia's apartment and got no response. I figured that maybe she had gone out to dinner and wasn't back yet so I asked if it would be alright for me to wait for a while. He told me that it would be okay for me to wait and directed me to a small lounge area off to the side of the lobby.

It wasn't too long before I saw Julia walk through the door with a man in tow. As they reached the elevator the man gave her a hug and a kiss and patted her on the ass. Just then the doorman came to his senses and walked over to them and said something to Julia and pointed over in my direction.

I started walking in their direction and I heard Julia say, "Oh God No. Oh please no, no, no."

"Well, here we are again. It seems I am always interrupting your dates Julia," I said. "I apologize, I had no right to show up here uninvited but obviously I am glad I did." I handed the bottle of wine to the man and said, "You two have an enjoyable evening."

As I walked out the door Julia was rushing after me begging, "Johnny, please don't go, please don't leave me again." But, I did.

I went back to my hotel and sent Julia an email at the company. "Julia, when I walked into Adam's offices I was surprised to see you there. I guess it didn't take me too long to realize that you had probably quit your job, sold the condo, moved to Cleveland and went to work for Ben and Adam so you would have the opportunity to be close to me.

"I might be an arrogant person but I assumed you wanted a chance to get close to me hoping that we might reconnect and get back together."

I added, "I imagine Gregg had a lot to do with that telling you what I was working on and where I would be. That doesn't surprise me really but it doesn't make me too happy to have him messing with my life. Anyway, I was actually quite happy to see you. Truth be told I have missed you, we were after all great friends. I enjoyed being with you today. It felt really good. I didn't want it to end so I decided to bring over a bottle of wine so we could talk some more away from the office."

I had to take a break to refocus my thoughts. Then I continued, "Imagine my surprise at seeing you with another man. It kind of confuses me I guess. You go to all the trouble to be close to me again but in the short time you have been in Cleveland you already have an intimate relationship with another man? 

"There are only two things I can think of that would explain that action. You aren't really interested in renewing our relationship or you still have it in your head that you could be with me and date other men.

"Well either way I am out of the equation. I honestly had been second guessing myself for divorcing you but your actions give me peace of mind in knowing I didn't make a mistake. 

"What makes me angry at myself is the knowledge that I almost was a fool again, believing that you cared about me. You don't. You care only about yourself. I hope one day you find what will satisfy you, what will make you happy. The only remaining thing I want to say is 'Don't pursue me in any way again.' As far as you are concerned I shouldn't exist. Have a good life Julia."

Then I sent her a second email relative to the software installation. "Julia, attached to this email is a file containing complete instructions on how to activate the security software. There is a two word password needed to access the file and the security system. I am going to let you figure out what those two words are but if you think back to the last time we saw each other at Spiaggia it should be pretty easy. If you can't remember the two words maybe Adam can help you out because he heard them too."

Of course the passwords were BROKEN PROMISES. Those two words would always be needed to access the security system. I know I was being a bit juvenile but so what. She would be reminded of how she treated our marriage every time she accessed the system.

"I have installed the package on the server and using the instructions you only need to activate it and set second level access codes and passwords for the various users. It is all in the instructions. If you have any issues in the future call Gregg and he will put you in touch with the staff that worked with me on the program because I will not be working there any longer. Good luck."

Sometimes the men who have divorced a cheating wife find a younger, more beautiful, sexier, smarter and more intelligent woman than the one they divorced. She likes sex better and will love him forever and never cheat on him. That was Julia before she did cheat on our marriage and then it wasn't. 

I didn't find that woman. In fact when I resigned from Grace Systems Solutions I went into a state of depression. Yes, I did continue to receive huge amounts of money from royalties for the security package licenses Gregg continued to market. It was beyond my expectations but the money didn't matter to me anymore. 

I was in territory that I had never been in before. I think my self esteem was at the bottom. I had lost confidence in myself I guess. A first for me since I had always been self assured. 

I knew I had a problem so ultimately I applied SAIL and I started seeing a counselor and after a few sessions I came around. I continued to see the counselor (and no it wasn't Dr. Graham) for a while longer but I was pretty sure I was back on the right track. 

With all the money I was now making I approached my sister Barb and we agreed to move into a new condo together. She had a damaged spirit from Douglas "Dog Shit" Simon's treatment of her and I had a damaged spirit from Julia. I bought us a nice two bedroom condo with a beautiful living room, dining room and first class kitchen setup. It had a sizeable office space which worked out perfectly for me. 

Every once in a while Barb would slip into bed with me when she was feeling down. I would hold her and eventually we would both go to sleep. Sometimes it was me that was in a melancholy mood and I would slip into her bed and again we would hold each other and fall asleep. 

Yes there were mornings when I would wake up with my hand cupping one of her breasts. Yes there were mornings when my morning woody was nestled between her butt cheeks and yes there were mornings when her hand was wrapped around my cock BUT that was it. There were no mutual masturbation sessions or sex of any kind. We didn't freak out over any such contact but we had no intention of becoming lovers.

Barb had her friends and I had mine. She was off of men but had lady friends (no not lesbians). Occasionally I would bring a woman home and she would spend the night but not too often. A guy does need that release once in a while you know and I don't mean the self inflicted release either. Barb needed it too but I think all of hers were self inflicted because I could hear her moaning in her room once in a while.

Well one night I had gone to bed early because I was all alone. Barb had gone out for the evening with some of her friends and I was kind of lonesome. I slept quite deeply I guess because I had an intense dream and awoke feeling about as low as you can get. I slipped out of my bed and quietly padded across the floor and into Barb's bedroom. I gently crawled into her bed and snuggled up to her. I heard a small moan as I held her but she didn't wake up. I slipped back into a peaceful sleep.

In the morning when I woke up I had my arm around her with my hand cupping her breast. "Hmm," I thought to myself, "This breast is much larger than I remember." I reluctantly pulled my hand off the breast and my arm from around her and rolled away from her before I pushed myself up and took a closer look at the woman I was in bed with. It wasn't Barb.

My movements woke her up and she let out a small yelp when she saw me laying there looking at her. "Who are you and why are you in bed with me?"

Just then Barb walked into the room and started laughing. "Jessica, this is my brother John. John, Jessica a friend of mine." 

I reached out my hand and yes it was the offending one and said, "Pleased to meet you Jessica. Any friend of Barb's is a friend of mine."

She smiled at me and said, "Obviously any friend of Barb's is a friend of yours." She reached out and took my hand, "Even though there is no telling where that hand has been. Pleased to meet you too John. I feel like I know you so well already."

It was a little tentative for a second and then we all laughed. Barb explained that she and Jessica had been a bit tipsy last night and Jessica thought it best to spend the night rather than go home. Barb had gotten up to use the restroom and when she came back she saw me in bed with Jessica and decided to just go sleep in my bed and see what happened in the morning. What happened was me. We all had a good laugh over breakfast and Jessica headed home.

A couple of weeks later I was in my office working later at night when Barb and Jessica popped in to say hi. They were a little tight again but not too bad. Jessica looked at me with a big grin on her face and said, "John, should I just sleep with you tonight or wait and see if you crawl in with me in the middle of the night." They both laughed their asses off at me as I turned a few shades of red. 

Not to be outdone though even though I was slightly embarrassed I countered, "Actually I rather enjoyed the 'feelings' I got last time so sure you might as well sleep with me right away. I am almost done here for the night so why don't you just go and make yourself comfortable and I will be there shortly."

They both looked shocked but turned and went off giggling the whole way. My wit sometimes amazes me. 

When I got to my bedroom there was Jessica laying in my bed on the side I normally sleep. I figured she just did it to get the better of me so I thought I would throw it right back at her and said, "If you are sleeping with me it will have to be on the other side of the bed, this is my side."

She scooted right over and said, "Hurry up and get ready for bed and get in here. I am tired and I would really like to get to sleep." The girl just wouldn't give it up.

Well I looked at her and everything I saw and remember feeling was appealing. She was slightly plump in a very pleasing way. Her features were quite pleasant though not beautiful but certainly fresh and sweet looking. I already knew she had soft luscious breasts and her butt fit right around my cock quite nicely so I thought "What the hell."

I got ready for bed and crawled right in beside her and when I rolled over toward her my arm snaked around her, my hand cupped the same shapely breast and I said, "Goodnight honey."

She turned toward me and asked, "Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight dear?" And I did.

The next morning I had my rock hard woody neatly tucked between her butt cheeks and my hand on her breast. As I tried to remove both she said, "Don't, I rather like them there." I acknowledged her with an "Ok" and proceeded to play with her nipple until it was engorged with her moaning her encouragement.

In some mysterious way we both turned toward the other and proceeded to get naked. Sometime later Barb peeked her head into the room and said, "Oh shit, excuse me." As she turned and gently closed the door I heard her mumble, "I guess I should have figured that would happen sooner or later."

We spent the rest of the morning in bed, got up to take a shower (yes together) and ate some lunch with Barb. I said, "Jessica, there are some things we discussed earlier that I would like to clarify, care to join me?"

She took my hand and led me to the bedroom. The afternoon was spent completely discussing and napping. Barb had said, "Oh my god, I am going shopping," and she didn't return until dinnertime.

From that day forward Jess and I were a hot item. We took our time to get to know each other. To learn what was important and what worked for the two of us. Some months later we married and I am happy as can be. We didn't wait too long to start our family and as of this writing we have three wonderful children. Two are girls and they are as sweet as their mom. Our son is the youngest but will not be dominated by his older sisters. He is gentle and kind but at the same time won't take any shit from either of them. I think they will all grow to be fine human beings.

I wrote a couple of more highly successful programs which Gregg has no problem marketing. We have made a whole lot of money and aren't afraid to spend some of it enjoying our children and our alone time too. We have done a bunch of traveling and seen many wonderful things. I am trying to talk Jess into another child but I think I will lose that battle. 

What became of Julia? According to Gregg she found someone and married him. He said she asks about me frequently but he tells he to just live the life she has now.

I know many people will say she didn't really cheat on me but I disagree. Had she not gotten caught she would have slept with "Dog Shit" and intent to cheat is the same in my book as sleeping with him. Did I want to burn her down? No. But, because of her actions I didn't love her anymore. End of story. I hope she has found someone who makes her as happy as I am with Jessica. 

You've read it a dozen times or more. "The best revenge is a life well lived." I am getting boatloads of revenge because my life is over the top well lived.

The End