18 comments/ 6127 views/ 1 favorites Answers? By: Tara_Neale Naomi Powers opened the front door to her dingy apartment. She tossed her purse on the table in the hallway and kicked off her shoes allowing them to land where they would. Her neatly ordered world was back to the chaos that it had been that night thirty-one years ago when she was just a baby. An eight month old baby learning to crawl. Through her mother's blood when she did not answer her cries. They say her father found her there asleep in her mother's cold arms the next morning when his night shift ended. When he first saw the scene he had thought that she was dead too, she was so covered in her mother's blood. It was the paramedics that discovered she was alive. Dehydrated a dirty diaper and covered in her mother's blood. But alive. Naomi did not remember that night. Just starting kindergarten at five and wondering why all the other children had these things called mothers. Her dad had explained that her mother had gone to heaven and left it at that. She was thirteen and they had gone to a family reunion in South Carolina before she learned the truth. She had gone to take an empty platter into the kitchen, fill it up and bring it back to the buffet table like a good girl when she heard her grandmother and aunt talking about her mother's murder. She had dropped the platter. They had looked up when they heard it shatter on the floor. She had run, just run, as far and as fast as her legs could carry her. Her father had found her a couple miles down the road, convinced her to get into the car. They had talked. He told her the basics then but Naomi could tell that it was painful for him, that he was not telling her everything. Of course, being a curious thirteen year old girl, she turned to the only place she could for information...the Internet. What she discovered there shocked her. She found out not only about her being alone with her mother's body all night, but that the prime suspect had been her own father. Of course, they had any evidence to convict or even arrest him. Naomi knew her father. Knew he could never do what they said. She had seen the pain in his eyes as he told her in that car. The man had never even dated since her mother's death and she knew he had the opportunity. Several women at their church had eyes for the forty-one year old factory worker. But even more than any of that evidence, Naomi knew that her father would have never, ever left her alone with her mother's body. He loved her; he just would not have done that to a helpless little baby, his baby girl. She began to brood over those online news articles, look for some clue that the police had missed. They had moved from that house, moved across town. But one day when she was fifteen she had taken the bus back there. The house was empty and boarded up as many were in the city with its depressed economy. She had walked around until she found that the board on the back door was loose. She had only gone a few feet into what had once been a kitchen when she heard a moan in the darkness. She realized then that the place had become one of the cities crack houses and fled as quickly as she could. That trip might have been the end of it, except that as she ran crying from that darkness the nice older woman next door yelled after her. She recognized Naomi. Not as the little baby that she had once cared for, but as her mother's daughter. Miss Ethel had asked her in for tea. Who had tea in these modern days? Let alone in that neighborhood. But Miss Ethel did. And she talked to Naomi about the whole sorted thing as she called it over pots of the strong brew that required both milk and loads of sugar to make it bearable. Miss Ethel had filled in many of the blanks about the case, about her early life from the woman. Things that were not in the police report. Because of course the police 'knew' it was the husband that always did these sorts of things. Miss Ethel like Naomi though had known that her father could not do that, not to her mother, not to the woman he loved. But Miss Ethel had never been able to fill in the most important blank...who killed her mother. Who would do such a horrible thing to the young mother? To her family? Why did they leave Naomi alive? And simply...why? Why? Like Bruce Wayne, it was the question that had haunted the young woman's every waking moment and turned her dreams into nightmares. Nightmares of babies crawling through warm, sticky blood. Caressing cooling mommy's cheeks. Curling up next to stiff bodies. And like Bruce Wayne, it had guided her career choice. Naomi had excelled at school, making the honor roll every semester, scoring in the top ten percent on her SATs. Even her final year in high school when Miss Ethel had died of a heart attack and her own father sickened with cancer, she had not let up. She would take her books with her to the hospital, study while her father took his chemo. The hardest of course was those nights when he was too ill after his treatment to come home. Naomi would stay at the hospital as late as possible, until the nurses kicked her out. They thought the young woman was just a devoted daughter. The truth was that she was afraid to be alone in their house. Even if it was not the same house, the same neighborhood even. Naomi had learned early that no one was ever safe. She would not really sleep those nights, listening for every sound. She had even slept with a knife under her pillow. Her father had lived long enough to see her graduate. Long enough to know that she had been accepted to college, had a full scholarship. Long enough to raise the daughter that had been left behind. As the cancer ate at his body, Naomi saw the relief in his heart. He would be with her mother. He would find out the truth. Nothing would hurt him where he was going. Despite being alone in the world, Naomi had done well in college, excelling again. She had focused upon her career choice...forensic psychology. And the more she learned the more she applied it to her mother's case. By the time she graduated with honors, she had developed a profile of her mother's killer. After college she had been recruited by the FBI, but she had turned them down. Instead she went home. Was it home? Not really. But it was the place that she needed to be to get the job done. To find her mother's killer. And she had. Five years of her life. Fighting within her own department to get the case re-opened. Pushing the Cold Case unit to do their jobs. Making more enemies than friends. It had all paid off. Among the stains of blood that covered her little pajamas had been one small spot that did not belong to her mother. A few years ago it would not have been enough even to get a DNA profile, but Naomi knew of a new technique that she had studied at college. But she had to fight again. Why should the department spend that kind of money on a twenty-five year old case? The killer was likely either dead or in prison for another crime. In a city where murder was a daily reality, they simply did not have those kinds of resources. Naomi had made a couple of calls, when even political pressure did not work on the departmental powers that be; she had called in a personal favor from a technician at the lab. Hell, she had even considered paying for the damned test out of her own pocket but she knew that if she did it would probably not be admissible in court. As it was she was walking a tight rope. She just needed answers. And now she had them. Turns out that the department was right. Her mother's killer was both...dead and convicted in other crimes. The man had been executed for killing six white women. In exactly the same way that he had killed her mother. But because her mother was black they had never made the connection to crimes that bore a remarkable resemblance to her mother's death. So now she knew. Knew who killed her mother. She even knew why. The FBI had profiled the man extensively before his death. After he had converted to Christianity he had been among the most cooperative of their subjects. He had spent hundreds of hours talking with the team about why he committed his crimes, how he chose his victims. It was all there. And none of it mattered. None of it made any difference. Her mother was still dead. She had still grown up never knowing the woman. Her father had died under the cloud of suspicion. And her? Her whole fucking life, almost thirty years, had been about solving this one case. Finding her mother's killer. She knew all the psycho-babble about closure. Where was that closure? Even knowing all that she knew now...it still did not make sense. It was still as random as being in the wrong place at the wrong time. What now? The department had given her a week off. Supposedly to grieve. The truth was that she had made so many enemies there by going over people's head that she really did not have a career left. She had no personal life either. Despite being a beautiful young woman she had been so focused that she had never really dated. Besides honestly some part of her had been afraid to care about anyone...what if something happened to them too? What if something happened to her and she left young children behind? Naomi sat on the crappy old couch and just stared out the window looking at the city where she had grown up. It was falling down all around her. Just like her own young life. The city spoke of rejuvenation, redevelopment. The truth was that this place was probably drawing its last breaths as dying as the industries that had built it. She shook her head and asked the question that seemed to have replaced that other one..."What now?" Answers to the Mysteries of Femdom Why does being forced to be the slave of a woman and drink her urine or lick her feet produce such pleasurable emotions within us? What makes fantasizing over being forced to dress as a girl and provide oral sex for a male friend arouse us to the extents it does? I have had these questions for years and I believe I have found several answers. If you too have a seemingly insatiable desire for FEMDOM and homosexual fantasies, I humbly request that you read the following. The Beginning If the vagina [seal] was harder than the penis; the penis would break upon entry into the vagina. Similarly, if the egg was harder than the sperm; the sperm would die upon entry into the egg. In order for reproduction to exist, the penis must therefore be hard enough to puncture the vaginal seal and long enough to allow the sperm the ability to swim to the egg. The vaginal seal must be fragile enough to yield for the penis. So too, the sperm must be strong enough to swim to the egg and puncture it and the egg fragile enough to yield for the sperm. The sexual desire is therefore contingent upon sexual reproductive ability. Take the example of a female who views a soft penis. In this case, the sexual act is impossible (a soft penis cannot penetrate the vaginal seal) as is the desire mitigated. When the penis becomes hard; the sexual act becomes possible as does the desire of the female viewing it increase. This is obvious. It is apparent that the sexual male is an extension of his penis and sperm and the sexual female that of her vagina and egg. The sexual male in general therefore is desired to be hard (muscular) and long (tall). The sexual female in general is desired to be fragile (in order to be capable of yielding to the penis and sperm of the male). Unlike the male, the female must live long enough to conclude the act of reproduction (birth). Beauty is indicative of health and health indicative of the ability to live the amount of time required to provide the fetus with nutrition until birth. The female must therefore be healthy looking (beautiful) as well. Jewelry and makeup are intended to make the female appear more healthy. Hence, in the sexual realm; activity (penetrating and giving sperm) is attracted to passivity (the ability to receive sperm) and beauty. When two entities interact with one another, the strength of the stronger entity is more greatly exemplified by the weakness of the weaker entity and visa versa. The manifestation of this interaction to the extreme are the acts of dominating and submitting. The purely sexual male has an urge to exemplify strength; dominate. The purely sexual female has an urge to exemplify fragility; submit. The male searches for eggs to invade; the female sperm to be given. It thus becomes apparent that our bodies release various hormones in order to bring about the reproductive act. However, our bodies appear to be able to adjust to external stimuli as are males capable of experiencing feminine based hormones and visa versa. The Mind The primary way in which our bodies react to external stimuli is through the mind. I think it is this relationship between the primary sexual desire and cognitive knowledge that causes most sexual fetishes. For instance, suppose we take that of homosexuality and of FEMDOM. If you are a male, you will find that when you have the urge to act on a homosexual impulse and you act on a FEMDOM impulse instead, the initial homosexual impulse is mostly mitigated consequent to acting on the FEMDOM impulse; the FEMDOM impulse nearly replaces the homosexual impulse. However, if we were to try that with a purely heterosexual act it would not suffice; a "dominant" female is required. Similarly, we can replace the FEMDOM impulse with a homosexual one as well. We thus see how a dominant female can more or less take the place of a male. Giving oral sex to a male (by a male or female) is a way of exemplifying the ability of his penis to invade your "vaginal seal" (your mouth obviously being symbolic of your "vagina"). In the FEMDOM context, giving oral sex to a female is often intended to mitigate the use of ones penis; making it more similar to a vagina in consequence. Similarly, the woman will often wear a strap on or force the male to lick her toes and feet. In this case, the female's toes and feet serve as an extension of her "penis". Humiliation Most will notice that when engaging in homosexual or FEMDOM fantasies that the act of humiliation is a primary requisite compulsory for pleasure. This is because humiliation is a means of making someone less powerful and more fragile; it is a means of exemplifying the ability of the individual to yield to the penis. When someone is humiliated, he is more likely to yield to the stronger entity. Primary Cause of Feminine Based Desire (FBD) in Males Though what causes an individual to develop increased FDB (though the term FBD is not at all scientific, I feel it most accurately portrays the desire at hand)? Take the example of a married man named Joe and his wife Samantha. On one hand, Samantha is physically fragile and beautiful. When Joe lies in bed with her, viewing these qualities in her releases male based desire (MBD). Joe now desires to dominate her (as most normal human and non-human male mammals would); then the mind kicks in. Joe subconsciously recalls that Samantha serves as an influential district court judge. Additionally, she brings in the majority of money for the family. If she decided to leave Joe, he would be left with little. Joe thus comes to the realization that while he is physically stronger, Samantha is indirectly stronger. How can Joe's penis penetrate Samantha's stronger vagina? How can his weak sperm penetrate her strong egg? Consequent to this realization, Joe's body releases FBD, almost as if it could change it's sex at will based on external conditions most desirable to the survival of the organism. However, moments earlier Joe released MBD consequent to viewing Samantha's physical fragility. Joe is now consumed in a state of two separate sex based desires and must find a means of release for each one. I think this is achieved by either one of two ways that I am aware of. The first; Joe can release his MBD with Samantha by becoming the sexually dominant partner- and then release his FBD with a male later on. The second; he can release both his MBD and FBD with Samantha at once. He can have sex with her normally (releasing his MBD) while also suck her toes, give her oral sex, drink her urine, submit to her by wearing a collar and giving her an authoritative name..... (releasing his FBD). This is why a mistress must be sexually attractive as a woman apposed to a man; because femdom is as much an outlet for MBD as it is for FBD. Of course, this production of FBD in Joe need not derive from the entity upon which he releases them on; it can originate from an altogether external cognition (such as a few hours prior to this when Joe was at work taking orders from his boss). Reality-Sexuality Relation Additionally, the less of a likelihood something is, the less sexually pleasurable it is as well. There is a positive correlation between reality and sexual gratification. For instance, let's say Joe were to masturbate over having sex with a celebrity that he is attracted to and he receives a level "5" pleasure. The next day, he meets this very celebrity and has a discussion with her. Joe then masturbates over having sex with her again the following night. This time however, he receives a level "10" pleasure. The very fact that Joe knows that the person he is masturbating over is cognizant of his existence makes the fantasy more in touch with reality. This is why people will tend to fantasies over a less attractive personal friend than a more attractive celebrity. Now let's revert back to the case where Joe is taking orders all day from his boss. If the boss is a male, Joe is more likely to masturbate over homosexual fantasies. If the boss is a female, he is more likely to masturbate over FEMDOM fantasies. This is because the respective fantasy is closer to reality. Fear and Anxiety The more one fears fantasizing over FBD and tries not to in a direct sense, the more one will have a desire to do so. This is because the very act of fear is not a dominant emotion; it is a sign weakness and fragility (part of the natural female realm). By fighting the impulse with will power, this weakens the body and so too makes it more fragile. The only way to conquer this is by attacking the source. Going back to our example of Joe, this source of FBD was due to a subconscious (or conscious) cognition. The negation of the emotion is contingent upon intellectual understanding of the etiology of the emotion. Another method of negating FBD is, when engaging in regular sex or masturbation, imagine dominating the woman and her submitting to you (or actually find a partner who wants this). I believe this will allow you to vicariously release your FBD through her. Though, as with any case regarding the release of FBD, anything other than having sex with a man (the pure FBD) often only serves as a partial release (i.e. by substituting it with a woman's foot or vicarious submission). However, this partial release is very often sufficient. Apart from the creation of FBD consequent to cognitive knowledge (as in the case of Joe realizing that his wife earns more money) the production of FBD can also come from simple genetics not contingent upon cognitive understanding or social interaction. It is for this reason that many people, myself included, have had such desires from the earliest of years. Mind games such as achieving intellectual understanding of the source is a powerful weapon for this as well though I think additional methods would be helpful. Such FBD can be mitigated by increasing MBD by cognitive means (i.e. being self employed and having employees work under you) or, again, by the release of FBD by means of vicarious submission through a female by having her sexually submit to you (this does differ somewhat from regular male sexual activity because the emphasis is on her submission to you rather than your domination of her). Why Most do not Quit There is one more subject to address and I believe it is one which many do not want to hear; which is why I saved it for last. Most people truly receive an IMMENSE amount of pleasure consequent to acting on their FEMDOM and homosexual impulses. For this reason, even if one were to achieve victory over conquering the impulse, the consequent lack of pleasure is often enough for us to try everything possible in order to resurrect FBD. The good news is that merely trying to directly produce FBD only serves to reduce it for the converse reason as to why trying to directly reduce FBD increases it (as stated earlier). However, in response to this we will often fool our minds into pretending that we truly "want" to reduce FBD in order to increase it as it is a source of immense pleasure. This brings us to the question; why should we negate FBD? To answer this I have stated several correlations I have found in myself and several others between MBD and FBD. When all is said, I do not believe most (if not many) males can psychologically function properly when producing FBD on a regular basis. When these hormones are suppressed they cause sever anxiety and stress for nearly everyone. For many, when they are released, cause fatigue, depression, and decreased intellectual ability. If you are someone who does not suffer from any negative consequences of FBD, I apologize for wasting your time. 1) Increased desire for FBD consequent to increased stress or worry. 2) Increased desire for FBD when tired or sick. 3) Increased desire for FBD subsequent to substantial social interaction when in subservient position in relation to others (reality-sexuality relation). 4) Short-term increased desire for FBD consequent to doing MBD (due to non-release of FBD). 5) Long-term increased desire for FBD consequent to doing FBD (due to increased production of FBD). 6) Ability to do FBD for a seemingly infinite amount of time without climaxing subsequent or not subsequent to doing MBD. 7) Increased fatigue and decreased intellectual ability consequent to doing FBD. 8) Face appears more feminine consequent to doing FBD (most likely for the same reason as to why women's faces are reported to look more beautiful consequent to doing FBD). 9) Increased depression consequent to doing FBD. 10) Increased intellectual ability and decreased fatigue consequent to doing MBD. 11) Short-term increased desire for MBD consequent to doing FBD (due to non-release of MBD). 12) Long-term increased desire for MBD consequent to doing MBD (due to increased production of MBD). 13) Inability to do MBD for a significant amount of time without climaxing subsequent to doing FBD. 14) Increased energy consequent to doing MBD. 15) Increased happiness consequent to doing MBD. What G-d wants to happen, will happen, nothing can change this- so pray. Feel free to contact me with any questions.