8 comments/ 8714 views/ 7 favorites A Changing Life Ch. 01 By: jab13 This is my first ever story and it is completely fictional. I would like to apologize to anybody if I offend and base my story on your personal lives. There is absolutely no sex in this part as the characters start under 18 as I'm trying to lay out a story. PART I My family didn't have much since the time my mother divorced my father. It was about eight years ago when my father came home intoxicated and an argument they were having suddenly became a nightmare. At some point during their fight my father struck my mother knocking her to the floor and began yelling in her face in which my older sister Julie intervened. It was when my father turned and raised a hand to strike her, but I think he realized that he would do something he may regret so he screamed at her to mind her own business which frightened my younger sister Elizabeth who went running to her room crying. I stood there shocked and horrified and didn't know what I should do. I did the first thing that came to mind which was go after Elizabeth. I wrapped her up in a hug and not knowing myself I told her that everything will be fine and that no matter what happens I'll always be there for her. It took a while before she finally calmed down than wipes her eyes and asks me to say a prayer with her which I agreed to promptly. After that she hugs me again and tells me that she loves me with a tearful smile. With a smile of my own I reply "love you lots". Who would ever thought that this moment would happen every single night that we say a prayer together which always ends in a hug with me telling her "love you lots". Lizzy falls asleep a while later in which I cautiously made my way back downstairs fearing that somebody might be seriously injured. Instead I see the police escorting my father out in handcuffs with mom and Julie sitting on the couch together crying. I walked over to my mother and ask her if everything is fine now, and she forces a smile and nods her head and pulls me into a hug. Feeling better after that, I made my way over to Julie to hug her but her reaction suddenly startles me. She yells at me to never touch her and to don't bother with her as long as I live and stormed to her bedroom. I look fearfully over to my mother which she just tells me to just give her some time and space than she'll come around. My mom than thanks me for taking care of Lizzy, kissed me on the cheek and went to go clean up the mess that was made. That night changed my family and who would of thought things would only get worse. Julie and I drifted further and further apart while Lizzy and I became closer like best friends. Weeks followed since that incident and we moved into my grandparents' house until the school year finished out. We than moved into a small apartment across town until my parents' divorce was finalized. After that we moved again but this time it was far from where we lived for so long. Money soon started to become an issue as the divorce depleted most of our bank account, and my mom was making enough to just get by. Soon after that we found ourselves pawning things just to pay rent and put food on the table. It got so bad that we were forced to move back to our grandparents house. We lived there for a couple of years until both my grandparent's passed away. Grandpa first which really killed me on the inside, because we were close and I loved to sit and listen to his war stories and his younger days. Grandma a few months later following restless nights for mother who stayed awake and sobbed. Months after that it just got too expensive to keep up with the bills and we lost the house which forced us to move into a cheap motel. It wasn't until I turned 15 when my mom made a bold decision. We were going to move all the way to the east coast of the US and start all over again. We took what little we had left and went all in so that my mother can give us the life we deserve. My mom took what little money she had saved up and bought a house of our own. PART II The house we moved into looked like it been through hell but to be honest we were happy to have a place to call home. My mom had many contractors out for estimates for our renovation but couldn't strike a deal because of our financial issues. It was when we were having dinner one night I saw that my mom was looking down at her food and seemed troubled. "What's wrong." I asked her. She looked at me and suddenly she began to cry. "We have to move again. I cannot afford to fix this dump." I rubbed my face in my hands trying not to look upset than looked over at my sisters who had tears in their eyes now. I don't know what it was but I began to take charge." Look mom. The school year is about to begin and we're all behind as it is but we are not going anywhere. I'll try to fix this place up myself. I just need you to put some money aside and I will buy what I need slowly. I may not know what I'm doing at first but I'll learn from my mistakes. Trust me ok. Let me take this burden off your hands. Please." I grabbed her hands in mine and they were shaking." I can do this." She looked at me shaking her head. " I can't let you do this. You kids are my responsibility. What about school, a social life, and other things teens do with their time." "Mom Mom Mom; listen to me. I'll figure that out when I need too but let's just worry about right now. I'm fixing this place up myself after school and on weekends because we are staying here and moving is out of the question." I said looking deep into her eyes." Besides we already don't have much of a life." A tear starting to trickle down my cheek. My mom and I talked about this for hours until she finally reluctantly agreed. I got up and began taking notes from room to room on what I think needs to be done. This is going to be a lot of work I thought to myself after only doing one room. Am I making the right decision or did I let my emotions get in the way. Will I be able to keep up with this. Shaking them thoughts out of my head I went on with my task. I reached my sisters room and knocked. Lizzy opened the door."Whats up"? "Hey if you two don't mind I would like to take notes on what work needs to be done here." "Thanks John for talking mom into staying here." I stopped what I was doing and sat over on Lizzy's bed, "Look to be honest with you, I think I bit off more than I could chew." "Why do you say that." I handed the book over to Lizzy and she looked it over."Wow there's a lot to be done." "I know but I will do this even if it takes years. We need somewhere to settle down and I think moms about to explode from all the stress. Besides that I am also going to fix up the basement as my room so you both have your own privacy because I think that Julie over there finally needs some." "Why you doing something nice for her when she treats you like dirt." "It's for the both of you. Look she may do that to me but I will keep treating her the way I do you." I than look over at Julie and smile. "Fine with my decision" I ask her and of course she ignores me as if I don't exist but to her I don't. "Well anyway let me finish what I got to do so that I can call it a night." PART III Three months later on a Sunday I finally finished the family room. It seems quick that I got things done that quickly, but I found out that my uncle lives on the other side of town and borrowed money off him without mom knowing. I had my mom and sisters stay with my uncle for about a week so that I could paint and lay carpet. I heard a car honk outside and knew my family was back. I took a deep breath and went outside to greet them. I hugged my mom and Lizzy and gave Julie a smile than I led the up the steps. I let my mom in first. "Oh my God! Is this where I live, am I dreaming. You out did yourself. I-I don't know what to say." My mom said bursting with tears. I hugged my mom again. "You don't have to say anything. This is all for us." "This is beautiful" Lizzy chirped in. Julie just looked around shrugged her shoulders and went to her room. My mom started to call for her about being ignorant but I stopped her and said not to worry about it. I than showed my mom our new sofa set so that she could think about something else. Dinner was all about our new family room and seeing my mom this excited just made me feel like I took the world off her shoulders. I began to explain that I would start the kitchen as my next project since that it would take forever. I tried to go to bed early but I couldn't fall asleep. I laid there listening to my mother still going on about the family room. I just cleared my head and listened till i fell asleep. TO BE CONT... QUICK NOTE: I have a couple chapters written already but I don't know when I'll post them. Just a reminder this is my first story ever and I never even tried to write one before but anyone with suggestions and want to help me get better please email me. Email address in my profile. Thank you. I'm trying here. A Changing Life Ch. 02 Authors Note: Its been a while since I turned my attention to this story. There is no sex anywhere because this story is still building. Anyway I recommend you read the first chapter to get some background and hope you enjoy. ######## I stumbled into my room slamming the door closed behind me, intoxicated from the massive amount of alcohol I have consumed throughout the day. The world was spinning out of control as I let my body fall on the bed, my mind craving more alcohol but my stomach rejecting its advances. There was no way I was going to make it down to the corner bar in the current state I was in as I felt tears falling from my eyes. I groaned loudly, clutching the mysterious object I held in my hand with a grip so tight you would have to kill me to pry it from me. I shut my eyes even tighter, causing the world to spin counter clockwise at an intense speed, making my body want to retch up what everything I consumed. I kept hearing myself mumble 'why' over and over again. My nerves were shaking uncontrollably as I found myself standing and walking clumsily over to my dresser. I retrieved a green box and carried it as careful as I could back to my bed before sitting down. I sucked in a deep breath as someone says something to me, in which I just nod my head in an agreeing matter. The once quiet room is now surrendering to the power of the thunderstorm rattling the house. The dark night fading involuntary to the flashes of lighting. Small pelts of raindrops rattling on the roof above me as I lay the box beside me so that I can retrieve the key from my beside table. I opened the velvet box, and a photo lay on top. I smiled weakly as those distant memories flash before me. 'Sorry' was the last thing I'd heard myself say before I awoke. **************** I awoke in a pool of sweat, my blanket half on the couch and half on the floor as I let my mind focus on its surroundings. Rubbing the sleep away from my eyes, I turned over to catch a glimpse of the clock that read 5:43 am. I sat up so my sub-conscience mind can wrap its fingers around the dream I've been having. Why do I keep having this dream? Its been reoccurring time and time, night after night with me always awaken after I opened the box and stared at a photo of which always remained a blur.. Its been going on for the past several months with the answers always remaining a mystery like the contents in the box and the object I held in my hands. Everything I asked myself remained mysterious. What is in the box? Where did the box come from? What do I hold in my hands? Why am I drunk even though I never have consumed alcohol in my life? AM I really drunk. Why was I crying? Who's voice do I hear talking to me? What was the photo of? Was this dream to mean something or was it just my sleeping conscience playing games with me? I guess everything would have to just remain unanswered until one day when it suddenly hits me in the face. If it actually does. Its been almost a year since my family has moved into our house and you would have probably thought that we would end up having that magical fairy tale ending where we all live happily ever after. Now don't get me wrong, the smiles have returned along with the random game nights and we're all closer then ever since our nightmarish past that we had to endure together. Excluding Julie and I who remain apart, seemingly drifting further and further as time goes by. Lost in all the surrounding happiness is myself. I've been working around the clock distancing myself from the world around me. The advice my mother gave me seems to have come back to bite me in the ass. I've have yet tried to make a friend at school; my social life taking the knock out blow from my selfishness on keeping the close members of my family happy. I walk around like a zombie from the tiredness and fatigue that has possessed me. My interactions with my own family has taken its own toll with just one word replies or grunts; or with me always disappearing to go do renovations. I recognize my actions, yet I force myself to ignore them and pretend they don't exist. What's worse is my life has taken a downward spiral since that dream has haunted my sleep. I mainly feel as though something is missing in my life, but it's up to me to figure out what it is. What's been happening to me? Is it fatigue? Is it depression sneaking up on me? Keeping the smiles on my families faces is what is keeping me going day in and day out. I grudgingly pulled myself from off the couch and make my way to the kitchen to get a glass off water while making plans for that day. I relented on doing more work, but this time it is now time to start working in the basement so that I could eventually have my own room. Sleeping on the couch was uncomfortable, but I only did it because I gave my room up to Lizzy, so that my sisters' can finally regain some privacy. They both seemed excited about it, but wouldn't you kill for some privacy after having to share a small motel room for a few years. The endless sea of boxes that were stored in the basement seemed to take forever to dwindle down, but slowly they were disappearing as I removed them. It wasn't hard because mainly everything was packed to be moved, or to be stored. I picked up another box, and as I was reading what it contained, the bottom fell out causing a mess of photographs to scatter in every direction. Pissed off, I slammed the battered piece of cardboard to the floor and kicked it, causing another mess as it makes contact with my glass of water. The crash was loud as the tiny shards of glass scattered everywhere on the concrete floor, fueling my pissed off mood even more. I cleaned the glass up in a hurry and took a seat in the middle of the hurricane of photos and decided to inspect them, and as I was putting them into another box. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine as I looked into the eyes of my father. My mind immediately went back to re-live that horrid night so many years ago. I can hear the sobs of my mother and Julie ring through my ears as if it were yesterday. I felt a sudden shear of anger. I wanted to reach through the photo and ring his neck. Nobody has seen or heard from him since that night, and the last time I saw him he had handcuffs on and was being escorted into a squad car, as I watched the action through the front window. Our eyes met before the police car sped away and I could have sworn I seen tears in his eyes. Were they from regret? I'll never know. I ripped the photo to shreds as I felt tears well up in my own eyes. Some part of me actually miss having him around, while another part wants him to suffer like my family has been doing. My pile began to grow enormously as I tore every photo of my fathers existence until another photo took my attention. It brought me a smile while distracting me from my reverie, yet a chilled tingle triggered down my spine. The dream with me holding the photo. Is this the actual one I'm holding, or is it one of the other hundreds surrounding me. It can't be real, can it I thought as I stared at the young me, being kissed on the cheek by both sisters under a mistletoe so many Christmas's ago. The memory was vague, almost non-existent in my head. The only thing I can remember is that this happened back when we were one big happy family who spent time together and spread the love equally amongst each other. They were the happy times. I traced Julie's face with my thumb; wishing that once again we can be close like we used to be. We used to be the best of friends before the incident with my father. We talked all the time, we read together, she'd play with the plastic army guys with me, while I would play house, or doctor and the other many childhood games shared by youngsters today. "What the hell is with all the noise this early?" I almost jumped out of my skin startled and look up to see but who else, Julie. "Huh," I asked. "Nothing moron. You know other normal people are trying to sleep, right?" "Sorry," I mumbled not taking my eyes from the photo I still held. "Mom's gonna be pissed that your tearing up her pictures," Julie scolded stepping behind me to peer over my shoulder and then moving to a pile of photos herself. "Trust me Jules, she won't be." I said tossing the photo to my lap to watch my sister go through some other photos. "What are you doing up anyway?" "Couldn't sleep." I picked up the picture In my lap and turned to Julie. "Hey, do you remember this?" I said handing her the photo. I stared at her face for any expression to show that indeed she'd remember it. As always her stare remained blank. It felt like hours of uncomfortable silence before I broke it. "What happened between us Julie? I mean we used to be close!" It was a simple question that I've always wanted to ask, but was afraid too. Did I really want to know the answer, or did I want to live in denial, pretending we will again be close. Another eternity of silence passed as I watched Julie curl her blonde hair with her finger. "Forget I asked. Sorry to put you in that situation," I said giving her a way out and hung my head low. Julie lets out a sign, tossing whatever she had to the floor. "Gonna go get breakfast!" She said retreating back up the stairs. "Wait!" I yelled. "Please at least answer me one question? Why do you hate me after all these years?" Julie groaned. "Fine."Her tone made me rethink, made me wonder if whatever she had to say will finally stick the dagger between us forever, "I don't hate you!" She finally said after taking a seat at the bottom of the steps. My eyes grew wide at her revelation. "So why do you act like a bitch towards me?" "In general, I hate every single guy on the planet and you fall into that category, so I can't just hate you and act like a bitch towards you and not the others." "But Julie, I'm not all men. I'm your brother. Someone whose supposed to protect you, someone whose supposed to be close to you. I'm a shoulder you cry on when your feeling down.. Julie stood up and angerly crossed her arms. She looked annoyed and about to explode. "You," she points in my direction. "Protect me. Bullshit John. What did you do that night when the monster stood over me, threatening to put his hands on me? What did you do when he pushed me to the floor? What did you do when he hit mom?" "Julie, I..." "Don't interrupt me. You want the truth, you want answers, well you just better shut up and listen.!" "Sorry," I mumbled barely audible to my own ears. I can feel her eyes piercing my soul with the years of resentment trending behind them; the loath she portrayed between us over the years about to come out and drag me to hell. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. "Well my so-called brother, my self proclaimed protector. What did he do that night? He tucked his tail between his legs and cowardly ran off to hide, leaving mom and I helpless with a drunk that had little to no inhibitions. Do you know what it was like to see that monster standing there with handfuls of moms hair as she lay there defensively listening to the profanities he spat. How humiliating it made me feel to crawl helplessly to the phone so that I can call the police. I sat there on the phone trembling, fearing that the monster will turn his attention back to me. My eyes darted around looking for my brother, my best friend who was never in sight. I felt betrayed." "Jules, I didn't...." I cut off as she gave me an evil stare and I knew she wasn't finished. "John, I was a nine year old girl living a horror, a nightmare. I had nobody to wrap my arms around to console me." The tears that poured from Julie's eyes put Niagara Falls to shame. The mental image I received returned my tears from earlier. I relived that night in her shoes, causing goosebumps and chills to shoot through my body. I saw the heartless face of my father taking his anger out among somebody he was supposed to love and protect. Julie brought me back to reality continuing her rant. "Know why I don't hate you? I fear you more than any other guy. I look at you and all I can see is that monster. You remind me of that night of horror everyday I look at you. I become scared at night to a point where I sleep with a knife close by knowing your only a few steps away. I can't sleep because every little noise scares me. So what do I do? I grab my knife and clutch it tightly and cry until everything goes black. I'm broken John. I'm eighteen and scared of her own family and shadow." My head dropped in shame. I never knew Julie felt that way for so many years. I began to wonder how far gone she really was. Could she ever have a normal life. "See John, you can't even look at my pain. Such a coward!" Before I could respond Julie turns and runs up the stairs without uttering another word. I sank to a defeated posture, my once best friend is gone forever. ************ "Happy birthday John!" Lizzy started to sing as I emerged from the basement several hours later. I forced a smile as Julie pushed past me to leave my presence. I had many hours to think about what she said and felt it wasn't far until she at least heard my side of the story. I didn't abandon her. I went to protect and calm a crying six year old Lizzy, who witnessed such a bad experience at such a young age. I did what I thought was the right thing in my mind. Why does every choice seem to have a consequence? I turned abruptly to find Julie retreating to her room. "Wait!" I called. She stopped which surprised me. I stared into he blue eyes. I became speechless. "Julie, I..." She shook her head and raised a hand. "Don't!" And just as quick she bounded up the stairs. I slumped back to the kitchen to another chorus of happy birthday before taking my seat. My mom kissed the top of my head before sliding a gift in front of me. "Happy birthday!" I picked up the package and tore it open. A green box appears before me and it seems like all nightmares are becoming reality. A Changing Life Ch. 03 Authors Warning. This story contains a kiss shared between siblings. Although it is brief, this is a fair warning for those who don't like that stuff. There is no sex in this part as I'm still developing the story. ***** Have you ever had the feeling where no matter which way you went, there was a feeling that somebody was watching you, burning holes through you with their eyes? Well that feeling for me has become a reality. Ever since I've received that velvet green box for my birthday, it seems as if the box was watching my every move, no matter which room I entered. It's like being trapped in a circular room with no windows and no doors. There's no escape. I have to close my eyes when near it at an attempt to shut it out, but my nightmares have etched it in my head long ago like an old painting. There is also a nagging curiosity tugging at my well-being, begging me to open the box, persuading me to face my fears, telling me that dreams are an imagination the sleeping mind plays to remain active. Yet there is that feeling of somehow there's a weird familiarity, like I'd seen this box before in my past. I just couldn't place it. Lying on the couch that night, Lizzy entered the room and plops down on top of my legs giving me a sympathetic, yet quizzical look. "Can I help you," I asked in an almost joking tone. I wanted to hide my recent qualms from everybody, especially Lizzy. She looked at me without answering, and after moments of silence, she smacked me hard on the chest. "You never came to say our prayers. I waited and waited, and here I find you about to fall asleep without coming to see me." Lizzy said with a pout followed by another smack. "Oh sorry," I said while rubbing the spot on my chest where she hit me. "I have a lot on my mind that I need to sort out." I winced at that statement when I realized I may have blown my cover. I was now open to scrutiny and Lizzy could practically get anything out of me with the slightest pout or a flash of sad eyes. I mentally face-palmed myself, while mentally punching myself. A smile crept to Lizzy's face. "Good, I have problems too and we both can solve them together. What have you been trying desperately to hide for so long? By the way, you failed miserably. I knew something was bothering you, but I couldn't find the right time to ask about it. You're horrible at being subtle." I raised an eyebrow. "Subtle?" "Yeah, you can't hide something if your life depended on it!" Lizzy responded. My mind began to race. Have I been so transparent about my woes that my whole family knew something was bothering me? Were they playing the same game that I was and hiding the fact that they knew about my worries and didn't want to bring any confrontation to the surface. "How bout you tell me what's been bothering you first," I said trying to deflect the attention away from my problems. Lizzy uncharacteristically looks down as I saw a flash of shyness and doubt cross over her face. "Am I pretty?" She asked in a low whisper almost like a saying something under your breath. I was shocked and taken aback by her question. "Of course. Why would you think you weren't?" Lizzy shook her head. "I don't want my brother to answer the question because he will say yes no matter what. I mean I could have a huge wart on the side of my face and my brother will still tell me I'm beautiful. I want you as one person telling another person about their looks. Pretend we're strangers for a moment and then answer. "Do you think I'm pretty?" I studied her face for a minute without saying anything. "Smile!" I told her, and slowly her lips part into a smile and I can see them quivering in anticipation of my answer. "Perfect!" I said. "Liz your beautiful. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise." "Am I more prettier than Julie?" I looked around the room in a panic. Was Julie somehow in on this? Was this her way of gauging my feelings toward her without having to come to me? My gaze finally meets Lizzy. "That's not a fair question." "Why isn't it? Is because Julie's older then me? Is it because you think she looks better than me?" Lizzy drops her voice to a whisper. "Is it because Julie has boobs and all I have is these mosquito bites?" "LIZZY!" I yelled, beginning to get uncomfortable about this situation. "I'm not comparing my sisters to one another. I don't think it's fair to either of you." "John, stop being the brother for a while and tell me what separates Julie and I," I groaned and began to get frustrated, but I also didn't want to bring a war between those two. "No!" I said flatly. "Fine. Then why don't you have a girlfriend yet?" "I guess I haven't found anyone yet." "If the right person came along, would you be open to it?" "Maybe! Why are you so interested in my personal life all of a sudden?" I caught the slightest glimpse of a blush form over her cheeks as Lizzy's posture took a shy form. It was something I've never seen from her before because she's usually confident about the way she handles herself. I didn't think much of it as I let it pass without question. Lizzy then jumps up slowly from where she was seated and approached me closer. "I want you to close your eyes and do open them until I say, and please don't freak out?" I stared at her with a questionable gaze and then obliged her request, hesitantly as I did so; wondering what was going through her head. I rested my head against the arm rest of the couch to get comfortable as I laid there eagerly waiting for what she had in store. A nervous feeling suddenly swept within my body as I felt her face close to mine. I can almost feel her warm breath bouncing off my face as she neared. It was seconds later when I felt it. Warm, soft, and a moist feeling bestowed upon my own lips with the slightest hint of a soft yet subtle moan almost barely audible too ones ear. It was gentle, not rushed but the predicament bought me out of the haze I was in quickly as my eyes flew opened to see a gorgeous face pressed against my own. I was startled as I pushed her away, jumping to my feet looking around as if someone saw. My mind was sending warning alarms to my brain; an anger boiling deep inside me I have never felt toward Lizzy retching itself to the surface. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream, but as I looked at her my demeanor fell. It broke my heart to see her face fall the way it did She looked ready to break down and weep at the drop of a pin. A gleam of fear coursed through her eyes as she slouched back, giving me the deer in headlights look giving her the posture of a cornered animal with nowhere to run. I could see the smallest hint of tears form in her eyes. "I'm sorry!" And that's when the floodgates opened and the tears rained down her face. I softened more at that. There's no way I could get mad at her, not ever. I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. "Why'd you do it?" It's wrong you know," I asked gently not taking my eyes off her. Lizzy broke the eye contact glancing down at the floor. "I don't know. I guess curiosity. A few girls from school were talking about boys and what kissing someone would be like. I wanted to feel it for myself." "LIZ, I'm your brother. You should never kiss me like that. Ever! It's wrong!" Her head rose, our eyes meeting again, hers puffy, red and full of wet tears. "It didn't feel wrong," she said softly. "It's not the point if it felt wrong or not. Siblings should never share moments like that. Look Lizzy, right now your growing up, your confused!" She furrowed her eyebrow. "Confused? John, I'm fourteen. I know what I did, and I knew that it was wrong." Lizzy then sighs letting out a huff. "I lied okay, well partially. I've had this urge to kiss you since...since I can't remember, and at school the other girls ignited that fire and I made up my mind. It was now or never." I looked at her in stunned silence, not even blinking. I had nothing to say so I just asked, "why?" Her head began to shake vigorously. "I can't tell you!" "Elizabeth!" I spoke her full name on rare occasions when I knew she had something to say, but felt guilty about the repercussions of her actions. It was my tone to let her know that the situation is serious and I only want honest answers without the bull crap. She turned her back, seemingly to hide her face. "I think I'm in love with you and I wanted to show you rather than tell you. I wanted to save you from her before she breaks your heart!" Lizzy said through a wail of sobs and then turned backed to face me, probably to witness my reaction to her confession. My reaction must have mimicked hers because we both got the deer in headlights look before she clamped a hand over her mouth. It gave me the impression that I wasn't supposed to hear any of that. "Liz," I spoke but didn't have time to finish my thought as she turned and bolted from the room, the stairs clapping under her footsteps before being replaced by a door closing. I slumped back down on the couch. My mind began to fill with thoughts as if it were a giant aquarium, swimming around in my head with an endless destination. The times Lizzy and I spent together being the forefront of my wandering thoughts. It all now started to make sense. Her feelings that is. I would catch glimpses of her just staring at me intently without an apparent reason. The small caresses of my arms or legs as we made conversation. How close she would sit next to me; like how this night started. The tight hugs as if letting me go would end the world. Have I been that dull and empty headed? I couldn't put obvious gestures together like a pre-schooler's puzzle, than again it's not everyday your sister drops a bombshell like that. Maybe I was oblivious to her feelings. I found myself standing outside of Lizzy's room, her soft muffled sobs can be heard though the closed door. The silence of the night seemingly to enhance the sounds from within. I put my hand on the knob taking a deep breath and counting to three before letting myself in. "Hey," I said as I approached her fetal form. She didn't look at me, nor acknowledge my presence as I took a seat on her bed. "Look I'm not here to tease you or embarrass you, but we have to talk. These...these feelings you have for me. Maybe it's a phase your passing through, but you can't act upon them." I don't know what I expected from her at this moment. Hell I don't even know what the I'm saying. All I really wanted to do is reassure her that no matter how bad things can get because of this; I will love her no less as a brother. I won't change who I've been because of this incident and I wanted her to know that. The thing is, I can't put my emotions into words right now so I sat silently, waiting for her to reply. "Lets just say our prayers and we'll talk later," she said finally facing me. "I wanna be alone." I nodded. After our prayers as I'm leaving the room Lizzy calls me back. "I need to know. What's in the box you got for your birthday?" I stopped cold. My nightmare began playing in my head like an old re-run as I held the doorknob in a death grip. "What's wrong?" I heard Lizzy ask through my fog. "Nothing," I answered her. "We'll talk later like you wanted to too." I opened the door to leave. "Wait!" Lizzy called. "I wanna talk now!" I took my seat again at the foot of her bed. "I want to tell you the honest truth why I kissed you, but you have to promise me that you won't make fun of me no matter how silly it may seem." I nodded in response. "I may have blurted it, but the truth is I'm scared. I am scared that you'll fall for someone before I had the chance to tell you how I feel." It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Was I the one who's confused or is she trying to tell me that she wants to be more than brother and sister. "Look. You have to ignore these feelings because in the long run, one of us is gonna get hurt. It may not be now, but we can never have what you want. I'm sorry for saying this, but I don't share these same feelings as you do..It's better if I tell you now because you'll hate me right now, but in the long run everything will cure with time." "How do you know? Have you ever been hurt within a relationship before? How much time has passed since that dreaded night? Julie still hates your guts. Time cures everything", she huffed in annoyed anger, sighing in frustration. Lizzy reaches out a hand and slaps me across the face. "Your a jerk! I'm pouring my heart out to you and your doing nothing but making up excuses for everything that I have to say." "No I'm not," I responded rubbing my stinging cheek. "You want what you can never have and it's frustrating the hell outta you because you know I'm right." She slapped me across the other cheek. "How dare you. Now your making yourself look like a prize to be won." "Lizzy I didn't mean it like that. What I'm trying to get through your stubborn head is there can never, nor will there ever be an 'us'. "Your right John. I really hope she does breaks your heart." Lizzy says just loud enough for me to hear. "Huh? Who breaks my heart? Liz smiled evilly. "Wouldn't you like to know." "Yeah, I actually would." She shrugged. "I been having this dream. You meet a girl in school. She has black hair, green eyes and I think her name is Torrie." Lizzy then went into more details about this girl from her dreams. I stared at her in shock. Then Lizzy continues,"...You two are happy together, spend lots of time together and fall madly in love with one another until it ends ugly for the both of you. I don't know the details but..." "Lizzy you believe some dream," I asked hoping to hide my own dilemma. "Well I didn't at first. But when you got that box..." It hit me like a truck. The answer to our dreams must be something in the box. "Lizzy, I haven't yet opened the box, but tell me what you saw in the box." She closed her eyes, lost in thought before she opened them and shrugged. "All I can picture is a photo that lay on top. It's a picture of us kids together on Christmas; you,me and Julie." I gulped trying to swallow an invisible lump.On a whim i stood up and ran downstairs without saying a word. I returned seconds later. "Is this the photo?" I asked tossing the one I found in the basement. Her eyes lit up in shock and horror as she stared in surprise.. "Yes, but how did you know." Goosebumps traced my skin. Is it possible for two different people to have almost the same exact dreams but from different perceptions The chill was eerie. "A wild guess." I said not wanting to reveal my side of the dream to her. It was scary enough. My mind exploded with different thoughts all at once. I need to get out of here. Lizzy saved me from making up some lame excuse to leave. "Let's just call it a night. Things have become awkward and weird." "Good idea." As I was leaving once again Lizzy spoke up. "Can I have one more kiss," she asked shyly. I shook my head. "We can't, but I can do this." I traced my index finger and middle finger along my own lips before extending them to her lips, tracing them in the same matter as I did myself. "This is as close to a kiss I can give you. Just remember, I love you lotz no matter what happens, Oh and that girl from your dreams, she doesn't exist in school. I haven't seen anyone who looks like what you described. It's only a dream. It ain't real so let it pass." I whispered to her. I wish I could believe myself sometimes, but I just want her to remain calm and have nothing to worry about. I can't stand not seeing her happy.and the smile that lit her face now assured me that things will be fine. "Give me a hug," she said reaching her arms out to me. I bent down and hugged her. "No, this is the closest we can have to a kiss," she said giving me a peck on the cheek in return. "Just remember we'll always have each other right here", I said placing a hand on her heart. Liz giggled at that. "Goodnight!" "Night. Love you lotz.!" ********************************* As luck would have it the following week, the family car decided to break down on the way to school. My mom became frantic because she kept repeating herself like a broken record about not being able to afford to get it fixed. I was mad too because that meant I would have to walk to school in the brisk morning. Not that I hated walking, but it was a hike to get from where we broke down; to the school. At least I won't be alone with the millions of thoughts that seem to alienate my mind. After Lizzy kissed me, thing have been surprisingly great between us. I guess no love lost after that, especially me rejecting her. I thought she would spiral into depression, but she remained the same on the outside. God only knows what she really feels. But the thing that stuck in my head the most was the similarity of our dreams. Was there some higher power at work or was it just shrill coincidence. My only bet is to let thing play out as intended and just worry about now. I don't know what time it was when I finally arrived at school, but it was late as a security guard escorted me to the office. I managed to fall asleep on a chair waiting on the principle to give me my lecture and tardy slip. Gee, I had one of those lectures before and man that guy can talk until your ears start to bleed. I think he likes the sound of his own voice. I scurried down the halls after receiving my punishment and walked into class. Embarrassment overwhelmed me after the door shut me in. Have you ever walked into a quiet room filled with strangers and everyone looks at you as if asking why did you have the audacity to disturb the peace? You can feel all the eyes in the room upon you, seemingly to judge your character. Well that's how I felt at the moment. I had to silently pray for the floor to open, swallow me whole, or pray for brief invisibility to hide myself from the judgmental gazes of my peers. Of course nothing like that ever happens as I did the walk of shame to my desk, staring at the floor. I carelessly flipped my backpack onto my desk when I heard a voice. "Excuse me" I looked up at the person and without thinking I mumbled. "I'm Sorry Torrie" I took the seat right in front of her after my brain caught up, I whipped my head back and stared. Oh shit. Right before me is the girl Lizzy had described; one hundred percent accurately. "Hey," she whispers to me. "How is it you know my name when this is my first day? I haven't yet told anyone and I highly doubt the teacher even remembered. You just waltz in here out of nowhere and act like you know who I am." You don't wanna know, I thought.