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A Change in the Status Quo

By: Occamspiledriver



There is no sex in this story; hence it is the non-erotic section.

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A double burger with bacon and cheese, a side of fries and a large coke. Now that is how one celebrates a birthday. OK, as birthday meals go a good steak would have been better but it was not in the plans even though it was my birthday. It sure as hell beat the "eclectic" place my wife had dragged me to earlier. Happy Birthday number 38 to me. Yup, it is my birthday and while I am not big on celebrating it you would think I could at least eat at a place of my choosing. However I am married and as most married men know your life is not your own. You get married and it almost like being a kid again with somebody trying to tell you how to dress what to eat, how to behave etc. Well maybe not as bad a as that but damn close. 

My name is Charles Alexander, Chuck to my few friends and acquaintances. My age you already know, the other vital statistics are 6 foot tall, 170lbs, blond and blue 20-20 vision. I don't smoke and rarely drink. My occupation is that of a maintenance technician at a local factory. Basically I maintain and repair the manufacturing equipment. My main hobbies or interests are hunting, fly fishing and trail running but I am also an avid reader.

In my spare time if I am not running or fishing I am reading or suffering the net. The books I read are mostly history related but I am and information junkie when it comes to the internet; current events, politics, science, sports, entertainment and, of course a little porn. If am not doing any of that stuff there is a "honey do" list to be take care of. Actually reverse that; if there not something on the "honey do" list to take care I am doing the other stuff.

I like to think I am honest with myself, after all to borrow a quote, "a man has got to know his limitation". I am not what you would call attractive. Nobody every called me handsome or good looking except my mom and my wife but there is a law that requires moms to say that to their children. As for my wife she is either just being nice when she says it or as they say "love is blind". It is not that I think I am hideous but I am fortunate that I do not make a living by my looks, I would be starving. 

Well, it is my birthday and a man should in engage in a little reflection and self evaluation on such a day. I like to think I am a good person. I believe in giving a day's work for a day's pay. I have never called in sick and never been late to work, something I am quite proud of. I do not believe anybody owes many anything nor do I have "entitlement" to other people's money; I make my own way.

This does not mean I am without fault. I am stubborn and have been told I lack the ability to empathize. I am not much of a people person. I feel uncomfortable interacting with people, one on one or crowds it does not make a difference. I also have a low tolerance for them and the sexual, social and political games they play. To put it bluntly most people suck. Many would sell out their best friend to get laid or walk over their own mother to get a promotion. That is why I have so few friends. I guess I just don't trust people after seeing what they would do to each other. I much prefer dealing with equipment than people. I am not even that close to my family. The one exception to this has been my wife. She has been my one true friend. Some use the term soul mate. I don't know much about that but without her I would really be alone. The thing is except for her I would really not mind it.

This lack of people skills has hampered me in my career somewhat as I have passed on promotions that would move me up into management because it meant having to deal with people and their often silly assed excuses as to why they could not get their jobs done, show to work on time etc. I like being responsible for just me and not having to answer for the actions of others. Some people hate managers and supervisors. Not, me unless he or she happens to be a real ass. I sort of admire them for being willing to take on a job where their success is really measured by how well those under them perform. My success is based on how will I do my job.

Now before you consider me some type of hard ass I am far harder on myself than others. My wife says that this is my biggest fault. I am willing to cut other people a little slack for an honest mistake but I beat myself up over my own errors. I do not see this as a fault. If people demanded more of themselves the world would be a better place. I am not some ogre. I give to charities but I take a dim view of grown healthy adults who end up on long term assistance.

Ok, I guess that is a pretty good view of me now on to my wife. Rebecca is four years younger than me and works as an executive in a medical supply company. The company I work for is in a related business as we actually manufacture medical devices among other things. She was still in college when we met and got married. I worked a lot of overtime and, on occasion, a part time job, to hold down her college debts as she got her MBA. I did not have any college debt as I went to trade school after spending some time in the military. She is what you might consider the American dream girl. 5' 6 "Blonde, blue with curves I the right places. She refuses to tell me her weight and I never would hazard a guess in front of her as matter self-preservation. 

In most ways we are complete opposites. A former high school cheerleader she is a social animal, outgoing popular with a lot of friends. In fact "our" friends are her friends. She runs our social life and I am content to let her as it is something I would just as soon not bother with it.

I am always amazed that we ended up together as she is out of my league but on reflection she was the one who pursued me. To put herself through college she was working at a restaurant that I frequented. I often found myself being seated in her section on the days she worked. Turns out that she arranged to have me seated in her section and after some flirting and stuff she asked me out.

Yes, at first I wondered what the initial attraction to me was, she could certainly do better. Maybe it was because I was over 21 and I could buy beer. She said it was my quite maturity as opposed to the drunken frat boy crowd she was always around. I thought it might be because I had a regular job, money in a savings account and a car. Well pickup truck actually. Eventually she convinced me she liked, even loved, me for me and to cut a long story short we ended up getting married 8 months later. To be honest I am still amazed if not suspicious as to why she chose me. Yes, I believe she loves me but why? I am totally in love with her but as of late she seems to be testing that love.

I have to say my wife had been my one true friend and despite my complaints I really love being married to her; at least up until this past year. I still see her as my friend and lover but I have come to doubt that she does. 

As the years passed we seemed to drift apart which I guess is how it is with most married couples. In the early years her job required a lot of travel and I worked, still do as a matter of fact, a split shift, twelve hours a day, three days one week and four days the next. I worked every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and every other Wednesday. Some people may think twelve hour shifts are a little rough but those three and four day weekends are great and it would be hard to go back to having only two day weekends. That is one of the reasons I never wanted a management job as most of them were nine to five Monday thru Friday. On Fridays the nine to fivers use to try and kid me about having to work on Saturday but I would just tell them that Friday meant that they were just that much closer to Monday.

In the early days we made an effort to spend as much time together as we could. I would try to take days off if she was returning from a business trip on my work day and we would try to meet for lunch at least once a week plus a monthly date night. Funny thing is, or perhaps not so funny, since she got promoted her job required less travel we are spending less time together. She now supervises those who were supposed to do all the traveling and make the sales calls. This meant longer hours including some weekends in the office. Meeting for lunch became harder as most of her lunches were also business meetings. 

For the past year it seemed like we stopped making the effort. On my part I know it was because I got tired of her answer always being no. I used to send her flowers for no reason in particular but she just did not seem to appreciate the effort. When I failed to even get a thank you for the last ones I sent I just stopped. I could not really say what her reasons were maybe she was she getting overwhelmed by work or maybe she was taking me for granted. 

Since I had so much time off I took care of most thing s around the condo. The cleaning I mean. We each took care of our own laundry. She had too much special care stuff and I told her she was just going to have to take care of that herself. If it requires a gentle cycle or hand washing I do not deal with it. We had discussed buying a house but I objected as I hate doing yard work. My philosophy is that life is too short to waste too much time doing things you hate. I know I sure would like to have all those hours I spent behind a lawn mower as a kid back to do something else with. So we bought the condo. See, I get my way on some things. I also handle all the joint finances. We have a joint account to which we each contribute to handle household expenses and savings. Neither of us cooks much since it is just the two of us that is a non issue. But on at least one of my days off I would try to put a good meal together, but I stopped that after since she was always going to be working late. 

We decided against kids in favor of her career. I did not have a problem with that as long as she understood I was not going to get a vasectomy. Never can tell when we might change our minds.

Then there is the subject of our sex life. I like to think it was good up until a year ago then it went to hell. She was almost always tired or had to get up early etc. So I just stopped trying if it happened it happened. If not well there is always internet porn and my hand. It is not as if I was silent on the matter. I remember one Sunday afternoon she had come home from shopping and I attempted to get her to engage in some conjugal relations. After being rebuffed I commented she had every woman's dream marriage; lots of shopping and no sex. Well she went off on some rant about her money, me being a hormone driven teenager etc, etc, etc. Another time I casually mentioned my celibate lifestyle and she blew up once again. Of course we would then talk about. We would both try harder and things would get better for a short time then it would slip back. 

I should add at this point I usually do not do a lot yelling and stuff even when mad. I am a believer in the Kipling poem "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you,.... Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, and - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!" At times my calm demeanour would make her even madder.

I also noticed that she did not seem to want me to go with her on a lot of her company get-togethers. It was not that big a deal because I normally had to take a day off to attend and there were other things I would have preferred to do with that time. It is not that I disliked the people she worked with. Some of them were OK but just not my type after her big promotion. I used to try to attend as many as I could, you know be there for her. 

After her promotion I had only attended a few events one was for her a couple of other people's promotion. It was a meet a greet type of an affair that was not too bad. I was able to talk sports with some of the guys my age and some of the older men shared my interest in hunting and fishing but that was about it. 

The second event was what might be concerned the turning point in our relationship or at least brought her opinion of me and our relationship into sharp focus. It was a purely social event at one of her colleague's home. I had stuck pretty close to Rebecca at first. That was until she had more than a couple of drinks. She was talking with a group of wives and the subject of finding a good housekeeper came up; it seemed some of them had maids. Rebecca giggled and stated "I already have good housekeeper in Chucky here" as he rubbed my arm. Some of the women giggled with her while one of the older women stated it was nice that she had a husband who helped out. Rebecca replied that "it's not like he has much else to do." I held my tongue and kept my cool. One of them asked what I did for a living they did not seem too impressed with my response as they were or were the wives of business executives , lawyers and a couple of doctors. 

As I said before with my schedule it was easier for me to take care of things around the house but I did consider my time valuable. I thought I worked hard and deserved my time off. While she might have considered by hobbies a waste of time I never criticized the time she spent looking for old furniture and knick-knacks. I excused myself and went to cool down. If she knew I was mad she gave no indication. I stood on the back patio and gave the matter some serious thought. Had I really become just a housekeeper to her who had nothing better to do? Of course where in the hell did this"Chucky" thing come from? Never ever before had she called me "Chucky".

After a bit I decided to get something to snack on. I reentered the house and was trying to locate where they had all the good munchies when I heard my wife calling "hey Chucky." I turned to look at her and she held up her empty drink class and tapped her finger nail against the side. I just stood and stared at her for a few seconds. I did not smile I just tried to keep my expression blank. The group she was with was watching as I simply pointed toward the drink bar and said "it's over there." I then turned a walked away leaving her with a bit of a stunned look on her face. Her companions shared the same expression.

We had a big fight over that one when we got home; she claimed I had embarrassed her while I accused her of getting drunk and treating me like a servant. Then the same thing happened; we apologized to each other and promised to do better. After that she would only mention upcoming business functions but explain that it was not necessary for me to attend most of them. Happy to let off the hook I did not think too much about it. That was until this week and I received a call from her boss, but more on that later.

Now at this point I guess a normal person would have suspected an affair. But even when she was travelling a lot I did not think she would cheat on me and I did not think she was doing so now with less travel. I just think our marriage had slipped down a notch or three on her list of priorities. Perhaps at the same time so did her opinion of me. She was now a big shot company executive with reserved parking an office and administrative assistant. I was still an hourly employee who had to get to work a little early if I wanted a parking spot near the plant entrance.

Now how did I end up at a burger joint eating by myself for my birthday? I would say that with most married couples the wife controls a lot of things. Now you can try to pull all that macho stuff but from home décor to the restaurants and movies you go to the wife is probably calling the shots. As an example one of wife's favorite things is looking for antiques and I have endured many a Sunday walking through antique shops with her. Now I like some old stuff like those old service stations signs. I wanted to get one but was told he would not go with the rest of our stuff. Yup, she said "our stuff" even though my opinion was not asked for when she bought it. 

Movies are another example. We almost always go to some artsy movie or a chick flick. I go to movies to be entertained preferably action adventure. I don't want to go to movies for some message unless it is a message about the bad guys dying in big explosions. Rebecca says the other types of movies will broaden my horizons. She did not seem to have a problem with my horizons when we got married.

Anyway for my birthday my wife decided we should go out to eat at some place that is described as eclectic. Now I don't know about most people but what I am eating should not include eclectic in the description. I barely tolerate the word fusion in its description and it has to be the right type of fusion like my favorite steak place has a steak and enchilada combo. To tell the truth I was surprised she remembered my birthday given as busy as she has been and the lack of interaction we have had. The down side was that she was going to have to make one of those rare business trips the next day so as she put It "it would be an early evening." I figured this was code for don't count on getting laid even if it was my birthday. 

I sucked it up put on my suit and tie as the place had a dress code. A place with wheatgrass on the menu should not have a dress code and exactly who thought that a pear sauce and peppers stuffed with something would be a good appetizer? Anyway Rebecca looked good as always. She was wearing the seemingly ubiquitous little black dress, short just as I like it. Also 4 inch heels, hair high and off the neck, I love her neck. 

Somewhat disconcerting was an expensive looking necklace I had not seen before. Now just because I don't really care about some things, like fashion and jewelry, I try to pay attention and I notice to what my wife wears. When I asked her about she said she bought a while ago as a promotion present to herself. We kept separate accounts but had a joint the one for common household expenses and savings. We each agreed to contribute a percentage of our income into it. We also agreed to discuss any major expenses even if it did not come out of the joint account. I did not want to get into a her money vs. our money argument so I let it slide but I did wonder just how big a pay raise she did get and was she keeping to our agreement on the amount that went into the joint accounts?

We took my pickup truck to the restaurant. I preferred to drive (what man doesn't?) and driving her BMW would have meant readjusting the seats and mirrors. Besides in this state pickups are an acceptable form of transportation even to high scale events. The drive to the restaurant was pleasant as we talked about our jobs and when we could take time off for a vacation together. We arrived and were seated at our table promptly. We ordered our drinks which was always a problem for me at these types of restaurants. 

Now as a rule I never drink much since I am the one normally driving and this lets Rebecca enjoy more than a couple of adult beverages but I do like to have at least one beer with my meal . I was never much of a wine drinker and only occasionally drink it out of politeness at some social setting. The problem here was how they served the beer. I really preferred my beer ice cold straight from the bottle, not in a glass or from a can. As you can imagine drinking beer from a bottle would not be acceptable in this restaurant so I just ordered a soft drink while Rebecca ordered some type of wine.

The waiter had just left to get our drinks while we looked over the menu (as I suspected not a T-bone or Rib Eye to be had) when a woman stopped by our table. She was apparently an old friend of Rebecca's. I never got the name as we were not introduced. There was the normal high pitched "Oh my Gods", and other squeals women seem to always engage in when surprised to see each other regardless of age. I always wondered if they reached frequencies only dogs could hear. Near as I could tell they had not seen each other in while. It was then that this woman said "You simply must come and say hello to Janice and the others in the lounge." It was then that my presence was acknowledged by Rebecca as she got up. She stated "I am just going to say hello to some old friends, I will be right back" then her and her friend left the table. I nodded wondering who Janice and these old friends were while I watched my wife walk away. 


A Change In The Status Quo Revisit



After reading A Change In The Status Quo by OccamsPileDriver I thought it was a really good story, a sign of the present times but Chuck the main character had left a lot of questions unanswered in the mind of the reader. I know that the author is wrestling with a second part, but with his permission I'm going to try to continue the story of Chuck and Rebecca. To me the original story didn't give Rebecca any chance to put her side of the situation, but the two participants seemed basically pretty good people who had just got off track and needed a big shock to get them back on.

The original story should be read first as it sets out a lot of the underlying issues. This story is classed as non erotic as there is no sex per se. so if that is all the reader is interested in then reading further would be a waste of their time. I just hope that Occamspiledriver isn't too upset by this treatment. As always, the use of any of the material in this story may only be done with the permission of the author.

Hi, I'm Charles Alexander, most times known as Chuck. After that fight with Rebecca on my oh so Happy Birthday I went to bed and started to drop off to sleep. Dimly I felt her sliding into bed beside me as I dropped off, she stayed on her own side of the bed with her back to me, instead of cuddling in as she usually did. My sleep was a little disturbed; my stomach seemed off with gas pushing up into my chest just like it had been so often over the last year, my consumption of Maalox had gone up a tremendous amount. I fully woke and felt Rebecca's shoulders shaking as if she was sobbing. I got up and went to the bathroom thinking that when I got back if Rebecca was still awake, we were going to have that talk about her conduct that night and over the last few months, and get it over with for good or ill, I wanted to know what was going on.

Looking into the mirror I thought not for the first time how much like my Pop I was, both facially and mentally. Now there was a man. He didn't give a damn for anyone other than his family, He lived his life his way, hunting and fishing, doing a damn good job of his work right up until he retired, didn't take days off except his holidays, didn't go to bars or parties, just the occasional movie or show with Mom. I always thought they were the perfect couple until the day Mom packed her and my sisters clothes and moved them out without ever telling Dad or me why. Dad said he thought it was another guy from the hospital that she was involved with, but she moved in with her sister and never dated to my knowledge. As far as I know she didn't see Pop again till the day she buried him. Still I was just like Pop, tough, able to stand on my own two feet, a trail runner, hunter and fisherman and that was all that I needed, I didn't need anybody. Just as that thought crossed my mind, the worst pain I had ever felt crashed into my chest and I blacked out. They tell me that was when I died.

I felt the lightest touch of lips on my forehead and a hand on mine I heard Rebecca's voice quietly as if from a long way away saying "Chuck come back to me, I need you". It felt like a couple of drops of rain on my face, I heard creaking sounds as if someone was settling into a chair. I tried to open my eyes but couldn't seem to, nor could I move my fingers when I tried. All I could hear was the hiss of oxygen and the beeping of a monitor so I took it that I was in a hospital. My god, what happened, the last thing I knew was that I was looking at myself congratulating myself on being just like Pop then that agonizing pain that came up from nowhere into my chest.

I heard a woman's voice I didn't recognize, "Mrs. Alexander your five minutes is up for this hour, why don't you go get something from the cafeteria? You haven't eaten a thing since you got here, try and get some sleep in the bed chair in the waiting room. We'll come and get you if there is any change. Doctor James wants us to keep your husband asleep for at least another day to give his chest time to start healing." I tried to shout, "Rebecca stay with me," but the mouth stayed closed and I just yelled it in my mind. I had heard of cases where patients under anesthesia had still felt the surgery or heard every word mentioned around them. Now I was experiencing it.

There was another female voice. "Hi Julie, how is Mr. Alexander doing?" The other female said, "Hi Doctor James, the monitors are good, and his oxygen levels are staying pretty high." The doctor replied. "Well the next 24 hours will tell the story. This time tomorrow we will remove the ventilator and see how he does on his own. He is a very lucky man, his wife was right there, she knew exactly what to do, got the EMTs on the way, told 911 the front door was unlocked, then got going with CPR and kept the flow of oxygen going to his brain until the EMTs could shock him. She bust a couple of ribs but If she hadn't our Mr. Alexander would have been laying on a slab in the basement with a tag on his toe, waiting for the pathologist, he isn't completely out of the woods yet it will take another couple of days before we can be reasonably sure."

I never knew that Rebecca knew how to do CPR or knew First Aid, it must have been another one of those things from work that I half heard when she told me.

They say that people listening in on a conversation about them don't hear anything good about themselves and that held true. Julie asked the Doctor, "How on earth does a young man of 38 end up with a heart attack, especially one who seems as fit as this one?"

"Easy, I had the chance to talk to Rebecca for a while earlier, and I guess Mr. Alexander is pretty much a hardass and dogmatic about his meals. Apparently he is a real meat guy, double hamburgers, cheeseburgers, pork chops, steaks particularly with all the fixings so what looks good on the outside isn't necessarily good on the inside, his cholesterol reading were through the roof, and the arteries in the heart were in sad shape, that why we had to do four by passes. It is a wonder that he hadn't been feeling it long before now."

"Is there any family history?"

"Well apparently his father died of a heart attack in his late fifties a few years ago. From what I heard from Rebecca it couldn't have been a pleasant death. He wasn't found for around four days, he was flat out on the kitchen floor reaching for the phone. The mailman called police after he noticed the mail piling up, looked through the kitchen window and saw him on the floor. It was enough to get Mrs. Alexander worried and start her trying to get Chuck to eat at restaurants where the food was less fatty and rich but I guess they weren't his style."

Obviously Mom had talked to Rebecca. Mom was still Pops next of kin so the police had contacted her and she looked after the funeral arrangements. I had left it to her and my sister, I had to work, Mon could get time off and my sister could too. I just went to the funeral. Mom had tried to tell me about it at the lunch after the service, but Jeff Pops fishing buddy had started to talk about a great spot for steelheads that they had found so I didn't pay much attention to her, I'm always a sucker for a good fishing story.

I guess that was why Rebecca had tried to change the restaurants that we went to, just maybe I had been barking up the wrong tree a little, just then I heard Julie say," time for his meds" and in a bit everything started to go hazy and I guess I passed out.

I woke feeling a little pressure around my mouth and nose. The noise of the machines was constant and I could hear the hissing of oxygen as it was being pumped. Most reassuring was the absence of any warnings. This time I noticed the band of pressure on my arm as a blood pressure cuff inflated. I tried wiggling my fingers but I couldn't yet. I just seemed to be suspended in space. I could hear murmuring some distance away but couldn't distinguish what it was, and then I heard another female voice say. 'Go right on in Mrs. Alexander, there is no change in your husband's condition at all but Dr James has had us cut back on the anesthetic just slightly. Every hour that goes by is a good sign." I heard a scraping noise and felt a kiss; at least I thought it was a kiss, just like the touch of a feather on my forehead.

I heard Rebecca's voice. "I love you Chuck, come back to me, I need you'"

I struggled, but I could only form the words in my mind. "Rebecca I need you, more than I have ever believed, stay with me."

I heard footsteps and another voice cut in, "Ms Alexander, Doctor James has said its ok for you to stay with your husband any time; she thinks the worst has passed and we are going to be gradually bringing him round. He will hopefully be fully conscious around ten tomorrow morning.

"That's good; I like to be here beside him, it makes me feel that we are together for a time, that big bed of ours feels awfully empty and cold without him beside me."

"Look, why don't you go home for a while? You've been here since 3am Saturday, sleeping in the waiting room and existing on junk out of the machines and that stuff they call food in the cafeteria. Go home, shower and change and get some rest, it isn't going to do Chuck any good to get out of here and you be too ill to help him."

"Lee-Ann, I almost lost him, in fact even before this happened I think I was on the path to losing him. I'll stay until noon; his Mom is coming in then, I talked to her this morning. I have to call Chuck's company then my own boss to tell him I won't be in till further notice."

Oh no, that's all I need, my Mom weeping all over me, she didn't shed a tear over Pop, she needn't over me either.

"Lee-Ann are you married."

"Yes I've been married for 17 years now, got three children too."

"What comes first, your husband and family or this hospital?"

"Well I figure this hospitals always gonna be here whether I am or not. My nursing is important to me, but the choice isn't even close, my husband and family come way above all else."

"Ever since I finished school, the opposite can be said for me, I've been all business, pushing as high as I could get. This last year I could have taken things a little easier, but what did I do, I started pushing my sales staff harder, calling them in on Saturdays, training, pushing. I know what my name is among the staff, the Icy Bitch. Somewhere along the way I forgot that Chuck needs some attention too. He really supported me when I was on the road, doing sales and had to be away from home. I would come back home absolutely bushed, and find that all had been taken care of at home. Then when I finally get to a position where I can help him, I just work harder to make more money and ensure I keep my job. Even Sam my boss keeps on at me to cut back saying that I put too much time in."

"Do you have any kids?"

"No, I guess I was pretty selfish, I didn't want kids because they would interfere with my career. For a long time that didn't bother me but when the company had social gatherings and I would sit and chat with the wives, they would talk about their children; I realized I was getting jealous of what they had. Then Chuck collapsed and suddenly I realized that if the worst happened if he didn't survive, life would be pretty bleak and empty for me, I would have nothing left of Chuck at all other than a headstone. "

"You know it isn't too late, how old are you now?"

"I'm 34 so I have some time yet, but I honestly don't know if my attitude towards my job has pushed Chuck and me apart. It struck me a couple of months ago that what I've been looking for is someone who needs me. I've been wanting at least one child for some time, now it could be too late; Chuck has been so uptight for the last few months that I'm almost scared to ask him."

"Rebecca it looks pretty good for Chuck now. Even if the worst happens, what sperm he has can be harvested and they can do in vitro fertilization."

"No I couldn't do that, not without Chuck knowing that he was a Dad or going to be, or him being there to help raise the child."

Hey, that's a switcheroo, why didn't she say something before? That kind of interferes with my idea that she was distancing herself from me, not if she wants my child. What the hell else was going on that I didn't see? Come to think of it why did Sam tell me that he wanted to see me Tuesday after the company weekend? Probably something to do with fishing, that was the biggest reason that he and I got along, really he was the only one in the company that I had any time for, and I really hadn't made any effort to hide it at their functions.

"Why not mention it to Chuck, all he could do is say no?"

"That was my biggest fear that he would. Somehow ever since I got the promotion that I wanted I have been a little afraid that he would leave me. That he didn't need me anymore and he thought I didn't need him. He has always been a pretty independent sort of guy, probably too independent. I know that when he went to company functions with me, he wasn't shy about showing how he felt about my co workers, that somehow he was better than them because they didn't share his interests. The only reason he talked to my boss was that they were both fishing crazy. In a way it really caused problems for me at work because my co workers tended to shut me out. After the promotion it got worse it was as if he didn't have to help me anymore that it was wasting his time to go to the company events. In the end it was easier for me in the office if I told Chuck he didn't need to go, and then tell the company that he had to work. I just went alone or with Chuck's Mom as I pretty well had to be there, but mostly I chatted with the other women and went home.

He even missed me getting a big presentation, I had found some problems with an order and I saved the company big money. I didn't know it was going to happen so I didn't say anything to him, the company bought me a lovely necklace, but I felt really bad that Chuck wasn't there to see me get it. I heard a couple of other women talking about Chuck not being there, that not only didn't he care about them he didn't seem to care about me either. All I wanted to do was go home and cry and I kept it hidden away for a while. When I finally wore it the other night Chuck commented on it, so I just told him I bought it. That may have been when our spat started."

"Rebecca, It seems to me that what you two should be doing is having a week away and doing nothing but talking. You have to make Chuck see that it's fine to be independent, but there is a point that you have to consider others, that they are entitled to their points of view."

"That's easier said than done, Chuck is pretty obstinate in his beliefs, he got them from his father who was just the same."

"Yes and from what I read in the case files died alone and unloved on his kitchen floor."

"Alone yes but not unloved, Chucks mother told me that she loved him still, she just couldn't live with him knowing the damage he was doing to himself."

Well it's right, you don't hear anything good about yourself when you eavesdrop, and I can't turn it off. Looking at myself it isn't hard to see why people didn't think much of me, because I couldn't spend a little time to get to know them. The nurse is right, Pop died alone and unloved and remembering the small turnout for the funeral he was unmourned too, I guess what he taught me wasn't really what I needed. Just then things started getting hazy again and I passed out again.

I began hearing the noises of the machines again, and this time I could definitely feel the pressure of a hand on mine. I could also feel pressure down my back as if I was in bed on my back, with my body bent and head up, not only could I feel the pressure around my mouth, but I could feel the machine breathing for me. I still couldn't move my fingers or open my eyes. And with the hose down my throat I couldn't even try to talk.

I heard footsteps coming closer, and heard my Mom say, "My god, he looks just like his dad did when he had his attack."

What do you mean his attack? My Pop never had a weak moment in his life, that's what he taught me, to be tough and not weak and not accept weakness in others. To be a man at all times.

"Hi Mom, what attack are you talking about, Chuck and I never heard of anything?"

"Let me just sit down and I'll tell you, I've kept Ken's secrets way too long as it is and I'm afraid he did just what I begged him not to, turned Chuck into a carbon copy of him."

"How could he be in hospital without us knowing?"

"It was when you were on that holiday in the Caribbean, he was starting a four day weekend from the plant, I was still nursing at the time on nights and when I got home on the Friday morning, he was sitting on the couch sweating, pale and complaining about pains in his shoulders and arms. It was obvious that he was having heart trouble so much against his wishes I called 911. He was taken to County Hospital, they did an Angiogram and Angioplasty cleared a couple of blockages and he was allowed home on the Monday morning. He was given a diet sheet, told to lose weight, stay off work for two weeks and take it easy with no strenuous exercise. I told him I would call Angela who was in Uni at the time and I would call the plant to tell them he wouldn't be in. he told me that I was not to call anybody and he was going back to work the next day. Nobody was to be told that he had been ill. I couldn't believe it; I was in tears all the way home thinking I would lose him.

"If you felt like that, why did you leave him?"

"While I may be the one who packed and walked out the door, he actually left me the day I took him home. I told him that I had no intention of sitting at home watching him kill himself and that I would give him three months to get on a diet and eat better food or I would leave."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say, he just picked the truck keys up from the table, got in his truck, drove down to the Burger Barn and ordered and ate two double hamburgers and fries. I stood outside the window and watched him."

"Did he do anything to help himself?"

"No he just kept right on, working all the hours he could eating whatever he wanted so three months after I brought him home from the hospital, I did exactly what I said I would. I packed mine and Angela's clothes, went to my sisters and cried for probably the next month. I loved that man so much but I couldn't sit by and watch him slowly kill himself. After a couple of weeks he met me as I left the hospital, he asked if my temper tantrum was over and when I was coming back. I asked if he had changed his diet he said no and he wasn't going to. I told him I wasn't going home until he did. He just said, "Fuck you then, I don't need you or anybody." The next time I saw him was when I had to identify him after he was found dead."

"Oh my god, we had no idea."

"No, he put it around that he didn't know why I left, that maybe I was having an affair with a guy at work. I wasn't and anyone who knew me knew that but I guess it gave him the opportunity to look like he was the injured party. I've just right now started to date a little, a nice guy, a Vietnam vet who doesn't hesitate to make it clear that he needs me."

"Oh, who is he?"

"Steve Richards, I met him years ago when I was still working and he was in the hospital for surgery. I was looking after him and met him and his wife Betty; they were a really nice couple. I hadn't seen Steve since, until a few weeks ago when I was walking along the River trail and found him sitting on one of the seats. I sat with him, we chatted and he told me that Betty had passed away six months previously with breast cancer."




A Change In The Status Quo Revisit



"So have you slept with him yet?"

"No but he is so nice that if he asked me to I would in a flash. As we seem to be in a true confessions mood, how about you, have you met anyone that rings your bells more than Chuck does, after all you've been married over ten years?"

I thought, Good Mom maybe I'll get the answer I've been seeking over the last year; Rebecca must have been seeing somebody.

"No, First of all Sam and Lila the owners of the company have a really strict morals policy. No attachments with members of the same department, any affairs for married employees meant immediate dismissal, and while on the road, we were the company and our conduct reflected on the good name of the company. If anything bad got back to Sam I would lose my job and let's face it, in sales there are regular talks between the company and our clients, even a breath of scandal would get back eventually.

Second and most important, years ago I picked Chuck out as the man I wanted to marry. Oh there were lots of other guys who wanted to date, but most just wanted into my pants, and the others seemed immature. It took me a long time to convince him that I really loved him as he seemed to be really unsure about himself then, as if he were wondering why I would choose him as a husband.

Over the years while I was on the road I had lots of opportunities that the company wouldn't know about, but I never met a man that I thought was worth losing Chuck over. I knew damn well that if I did cheat on him, Chuck would divorce me for sure. I stayed out of the bars and dances, ate in my room a lot and watched a lot of TV. I missed him like hell of course and I watched more than my share of porno movies and used a lot of batteries in my little friends." She gave a little laugh at that. "They were pretty handy at home too when Chuck was working."

"Same here, strange how you miss having a man when you've had one for a while."

Little friends, I guess they were better than a hand, how come I never saw any sign of them, of course I didn't go round looking through Rebecca's things while she wasn't there, I was too busy playing with fishing rods, tying flies or looking at porn on the net. I never thought Becca would be doing the same thing as me. If I'd known we could have had a lot more fun when we were together.

"Mom, can I ask another question?"

"Sure while we are in the mood, go ahead."

"When you came in you said that you begged Pop not to turn Chuck into a carbon copy of him, what happened."

"When Chuck was young. He played with the kids next door, both girls and boys, and then when he started school he kept right on, he had lots of friends, played games, just a normal little boy. Ken was a little hardnosed but then so were many guys, it was expected. When Chuck or Charlie as he was known then was around eleven or twelve, Ken who was always a grass roots Republican got interested in the survivalist literature. He started collecting a few guns, laying in supplies enough for a few months, trail running, hunting and fishing. Nothing major to start ringing any bells, but after a while he started to call Charlie Chuck, said Charlie was a wimpy name, like a girl, Chuck was manly. Then he and his buddy Jeff started taking him trail running and making him fend for himself, they would run and he would try to keep up with them, they wouldn't wait for him. I lost count of the times that I waited at the end of the trail they had been on to welcome a crying Chuck who was lost and scared and just blindly followed the path.

I gave Ken hell lots of times, but all he said was "Hell the trail is marked, all he has to do is follow it," I kept on going out with them and you wouldn't believe the way I felt the first time that he beat those two to the end of the trail. I felt like saying take that, he's better than both of you. Along with the trail running and the rest was the constant brainwashing that they used. All the garbage they talked about never needing anyone else. That he was superior and didn't need anybody else especially the little people as they called others, that he wouldn't need any further education and had to stand on his own two feet.

When Chuck was almost finished high school he had pretty good marks, I asked about sending him to college. All I got from Ken was," Oh he doesn't need that, I never went to college and I've got a pretty good job and pull down good money, let him work for a living just like any other guy." Sure Chuck can stand on his own two feet but thanks to his father he never lived up to his full potential. My feeling was that Ken resented the fact that I got an education and made more money than he did, he absolutely hated it when I went back to work after the kids went to school full time." It was terrible to try and get him to look after them when I was on late shift. Come to think of it, it was like a reverse snobbery, because others got an education and got on in life, they weren't real men."

"Okay Mom, thanks for being honest, I'll take off for a while so I can get a shower before they can smell me coming down the hallway, I'll be back around 6. I have to call my boss and tell him how things are, and I better call Chuck's boss and tell him how things are going."

I heard footsteps fade away. Hey Becca, where is my kiss. I started processing what I had heard. I remembered the kids in school, the fun I had with them until Pop started calling me Chuck and making me run. It was easy to remember the scared feeling running the trails when I had no idea where I was and Pop and Jeff running off ahead of me. Yes they had made me tough but what a cost. I could hardly believe that Pop had been sick but what I could believe even less was that he hadn't admitted it, not even to himself. Pop, I took you for many things, but I never ever took you for a fool, yet you destroyed your marriage rather than admit you needed people."

Just then the drugs kicked in again, a hazy feeling then all was quiet.

I could feel the sheet with my hands, it didn't seem so dark, and I just wished that I could get that damn tube out of my throat, it was so uncomfortable. My left hand felt like it was stretched out on a board and there was a cool feeling in the back of my hand. It seemed to go dark then light again as it somebody moved nearby. My right hand was being lightly held, I tried to move my fingers but still couldn't, I just knew someone was holding my hand.

I heard more footsteps, a new voice, "Hi Patricia, what are you doing here in, I thought you had retired and taken up knitting?"

"Betty Jean, how are you? I didn't think you would recognize me now that I'm that bit older. This is my son Chuck; I'm keeping him company while Rebecca gets cleaned up."

"Not recognize my favourite mentor, come on lady, how would I not? You spent all that time training me, the book learning was great but you taught me nursing. Things may change but I still use a lot of what you taught me about the practical side of the job."

"Things haven't changed that much around here and I'm glad that you are one of the nurses looking after Chuck."

"Well he is lucky, right now we only have two patients in the cardiac unit, so we can do a lot more. Actually I can monitor everything from the office over there, but we still have to come and check his fluid output here, they haven't got a machine that will do that yet." She laughed and Mom joined in

"Hey Patricia, in our briefing today we were told an insurance company investigator was sneaking around asking questions about your son, how come he was brought here instead of County which was closer to the house?"

"I don't know, Rebecca might, I'm just glad he was, I worked here for 25 years and I know that the heart unit here is way better than County's . We will have to ask Rebecca when she comes back, she said about 6 and it's just that now.

There were more footsteps, quicker and lighter, "Hi Mom, sorry I didn't get back sooner, that shower was so good, so relaxing, I feel much better now."

"Well I'll take turns with you so that will help you feel better, by the way Betty Jean here was just telling me that there was an insurance investigator here poking into things about why Chuck was brought here to St Barts rather than County, of course County's rates are a bit less."

"That was my boss Sam's idea, I called him from the ambulance to tell him I wasn't going to be going on the company trip Saturday that Chuck had had a heart attack and we were on the way to County. He said that St Barts was better and that if there was any argument with Chuck's insurance he would be covered under the spousal section of mine Then he asked to speak to the EMT and told him that Chuck should be brought here."

Thanks Sam, I really owe you when I get out of here, there has to be some way that I can. You've earned all the fishing trips you could ever want and then some.

Mom said, "Rebecca, have you heard anything from Chuck's company at all. I don't want to worry you but I've been told on the side that there has been an investigator around from Chuck's company's insurance company asking questions."

"I know, I called Jerry White, he is a friend who goes fishing with Chuck, probably his closest friend in the plant. He told me that the guy was asking the cafeteria staff what Chuck ate. I know they are going to try to get out of paying, all his boss wanted to know was when Chuck would be able to get back to work, When I told him that it had been open heart surgery and that it would be at least 10 weeks, he said they would have to hire someone to do his job.

I mentioned this when I talked to Sam and told him I was taking indefinite leave and would get in for a day and clean everything up that was outstanding, he told me that my PA had done all that was necessary, to just take things one day at a time, and that he was making me an appointment to see the company lawyer at 2 tomorrow afternoon. As he put it, "If that cheap asshole over there wants to keep doing business with us, he had better show a hell of a lot more compassion."

Sam, I owe you big time, not only for the hospital but for the care you've given Rebecca. I might have known what the company would do, to them you are just a number, and the only number they are interested in is the bottom line. What I can't figure is why when I knew that I gave them the service I did working like a dog sometimes, particularly when an important machine went down.

One thing about a heart attack it sure as hell makes you think and gives you time to do it. Why would Sam want to do all this for us? I sure as hell didn't deserve it; Rebecca must have really been something to deserve all this. I never realized just how important to Sam's company she was. No that's not really correct; the truth is I never bothered to take enough interest to find out, I encouraged her maybe but I didn't really take a thorough interest. Just like Mom, I had no idea that her co workers thought so highly of her that they would remember her so many years after she retired

The hand holding mine changed, it was obviously Rebecca that had taken over, I felt tired suddenly and I think for the first time since this ordeal started, I actually relaxed and slept.

I heard footsteps and felt the bed give a little under me as someone pressed down. Rebecca's hand left mine and I heard a chair scrape on the floor. It sounded like she was getting up.

"We need you to leave for a little while Rebecca, we are going to turn off the ventilator and remove the tube from Chuck's throat, we have backed the anesthetic off some more, and hopefully we will have a fully conscious husband for you by around 10, It's eight now, why not go down and get some breakfast and have a little clean up then we should have him awake for you."

"Okay Doctor James, I'll get out of your way and see you later, I'll be back around 9 30, I want to be the first sight he sees."

"I'll be back around 11 he should be awake enough then that I can talk to both of you about what happens from here on in."

"I will see you then, I have an appointment in the afternoon."

I heard footsteps going away and there seemed to be sounds on each side of me. I heard, "Slowly at first then once it starts moving it comes out quickly." I felt hands around my mouth, and it felt as if they were removing tape. Then I just wanted to vomit as I felt something sliding up my throat faster and faster. Suddenly my chest expanded on its own and the air rushed through my nostrils and mouth in a great gulp. I was breathing on my own again.

"Betty Jean, put a nasal cannula on him and turn the oxygen on fairly low, we won't cut him off completely until we see how he does on his own, maybe keep it up for a couple of days yet. I'm going to knock him out for a little while yet to ease the shock of being off the ventilator."

Just after I heard that, the slipping feeling came again and I went deeper into the darkness for how long I don't know, time seemed to be stopped in this place, and then things seemed to lighten. There was a hand holding mine, I pressed it, and this time it pressed back. I opened my eyes and there was a light above me and when I tried to roll my head to the right it worked and I saw Rebecca with tears streaming down her face. She stood, leant over me and kissed me.

"Welcome back Chuck, it's been a long four days. I thought I had lost you forever."

I tried to speak but all I could get out was a croak.

A voice from the bottom of the bed said, "You hush now, your throat will be too sore to talk for a while."

I looked and at the foot of the bed was a tall dusky colored woman writing in a book.

"Hi Chuck, I'm Betty Jean one of your nurses, your mom is a good friend of mine, she taught me a lot of what I know. Welcome back to the real world, you've been out of it for a couple of days but we are doing our very best to keep you in it. Doctor James will be back here before long. Just remember you are still very weak so don't try doing anything, just leave it to us. Now Rebecca, why don't you give Chuck a sip of cold water from that glass there, just a sip at a time remember his throat is pretty sore. If you give him anything tell us as we have to measure it."

Rebecca took the glass from the table and hooked the straw into my mouth. I hadn't realized how dry I was, and the cool water was like nectar as I took a few sips. Then I just laid my head back and closed my eyes, I felt as weak as a new born kitten.

After a few minutes a short bouncy woman walked into the room. "Hi Chuck, I'm Etta James your doctor, I hear you are a bit of a hardass. Well that may be the truth outside but in here I'm the hardass. If you don't believe me ask Betty Jean. While you are in my hospital you do what I say, and I hope you keep on doing it while you're out of it too.

The main thing for you to know now is that you had a heart attack; you are anything but indestructible and have to accept that. As it was your heart stopped twice but thanks to that lady alongside you, your level of fitness and the EMTs there is relatively little damage. I opened you up and did four coronary by passes to go round the blockages. I used a vein from the inside of your chest, and a vein from your left leg. The leg will likely begin to hurt as we reduce the painkillers that you are getting; most bypass patients usually say that the pain from the leg is the worst.

We are going to keep you in the unit here for another day and if you continue to progress well you will be going to a room on the cardiac floor. You will be allowed visitors other than family then, and you will be working with a dietician and physiotherapist who will get you up and moving around, and when you are walking by yourself and able to climb a couple of flights of stairs then we will let you go home. After 6 weeks of minimal activity we will bring you back and stress test you and if the results are good, you will be placed in a cardiac rehab group to start getting your fitness back.

To sum up, you have been a very lucky man, and there is no doubt that your level of fitness helped you survive. If you take our advice, you should lead a pretty normal life. I don't promise that you'll be running any marathons, but you never know if you apply yourself you just might. For now we take baby steps, one day at a time, can you handle that?"

I just nodded a little and Rebecca said, "He will, he may be a bit of a hardass but he isn't stupid." I pressed her hand after she said it and as she pressed mine in return, for the first time since we were married I felt as if there was a flow of energy from her to me, that between us we could take on the world.

Rebecca and I just sat and chatted, well she chatted, I just listened and nodded, I still felt pretty weak. It was a pleasure to be able to sit and listen to her though, a pleasure that I had sorely missed. She told me about that night, of course she was unaware that I had heard quite a bit.

"I felt you get up, I hadn't slept much after that spat we had, I realized that I should have told you about the trip being a get together thing but all year you haven't wanted to go to company functions. I didn't know what to do; it was bad enough when you saw that necklace, it was like you were thinking it was a gift from a lover or something instead of just something I thought you wouldn't be bothered hearing about. To be honest I didn't think that you would believe it was a gift from the company, which is why I said I bought it myself.

To tell the truth I didn't really want to go on the company trip myself as I knew if I did, apart from meal times, I would be either sitting in my room or reading on the beach. I could have gone sightseeing, but doing it alone isn't that much fun. As the sales director I pretty much had to go or felt I did.

Anyway I heard the crash from the bathroom and I ran through. Seeing you laying on the floor put me into a panic for a minute then I remembered what we had been taught on the company first aid course. I grabbed the portable phone and kept it with me while I checked for a pulse. When I couldn't find a pulse I dialed 911, told them that you had collapsed and I couldn't find a pulse and I ran down the hall and unlocked the front door. I ran back to you and started to do CPR and kept it up till they arrived. They shocked you right there, then again in the ambulance when your heart stopped again.

I called Sam and told him what happened and that I wouldn't be going on the trip and he insisted that you be brought here to St Bart's and said you would be covered under my insurance. Either he or Lila have been calling me at least twice a day to see how you were doing.

I whispered, "I'm sorry I messed up your trip." She didn't hear me at first and had to get closer while I repeated what I said.

She replied, "I'm not, I'm not stupid, it has been obvious for quite a while that there has been something, but I couldn't say what and when I asked you, all I got was that there was nothing wrong. You just seemed to be more and more uptight. I told Dr James that and she told me that it is quite common for personality changes before a major body event, as if the body is getting ready for it."

I whispered again, "Do you know what Sam wanted to see me for."

Rebecca thought for a minute, "No, I didn't even know he wanted to see you, but he has asked if he can visit when you are out into a room, I told him I thought it would be fine, so unless you don't want him to, I'll tell him to come in once you are moved. It also looks like the bosses at the plant are trying to get your insurance changed; they have an investigator asking questions. Sam has arranged for me to see a lawyer this afternoon to act for us with them."




A Change In The Status Quo Revisit



"I'll wait until you see them then."

We just chatted for a few minutes more and I started feeling pain in my leg and in my chest. I told the nurse about it. Betty Jean had finished her shift and Julie was back, she put something into the IV and all went hazy and I slept.

Next time I woke up Julia was standing at the bottom of the bed, I turned and Mom was sitting in the chair beside the bed with her head back, fast asleep. I looked back to Julia and tried to smile.

"Julia smiled back, "Yes she's tired, she's spent almost as much time here as Rebecca, you're a lucky guy to have devoted women like that. The only times they have been away is to shower and get cleaned up, and if they could have done that here, I bet they would."

Just then Mom gave a snort and woke herself up. "Oh you should have woken me when Chuck woke up."

"He has only been awake a few minutes Pat, you have lots of time. If you need me I'll be over in the office for a while then I'll ask you to take a break for an hour while I wash this character and change his bed."

"OK. I'll come get you if Chuck needs anything. Chuck, how are you feeling?"

My voice was stronger now. "Mom, you won't believe this but while I was under, I heard a lot of what you and Rebecca were talking about. Why didn't you make me sit down and tell me the truth about Dad?"

"Chuck I haven't been able to make you sit down and listen to me since your dad started taking you out with him. I'm not surprised that you heard a lot of what we talked about, you're not the first patient to say that by a long way. I've even been told what music they were playing in the OR by a couple of patients, and comments made during the operation."

"Mom, please don't tell Rebecca that I heard I'll do that myself when I feel the time is right."

"Just as long as you do, I'll be waiting to hear that you have, I'll just tell you one thing it's good to have you back with us." Then she bent over me and for the first time in years kissed me on the cheek and I couldn't miss the tears in her eyes.

Rebecca walked into the room as she straightened up. "Hey what's this, are you trying to steal my husband." The grin on her face belied her words, "Chuck that's the first time I've seen your mother kiss you since our wedding, and even then the kiss for me was hotter than the one for you."

Mon asked, "How did you get on with the lawyer?"

"Well Sam had kind of briefed them so Mr. Wilson took some preparatory steps, he called Chuck's boss and he is on record as saying that if Chuck isn't fit to work then he is hiring someone else and Chuck is out. Then he called the insurance company involved and they are saying they won't pay the full cost of the treatment because they use County whose rates are lower and they figure Chucxk contributed to the attack himself by his diet. Now he knows what he is going to fight them on, apparently he has some kind of evidence that he thinks will make them fold, and as he put it, unless Chuck's boss changes his tune somewhat, the directors of the company are going to be pretty upset when they find out that Sam's company won't do another deal with their equipment, and we sell lots of it for them. We will just sit tight and see what the lawyer can come up with." Then she laughed, "Luckily Sam retains a bigger shark than Chuck's company does, and believe me that is right out of his own mouth, he just about floored me."

We chatted for a bit longer until I started to fall asleep again and Mom decided to take off. Rebecca settled beside me as if she was in for the long haul. As it was I woke during the early hours and when I looked to my side, she was laid back in a convertible chair, fast asleep with her hand on mine. Betty Jean was back on duty and she saw my movement. She whispered "Yes, except for the things she had to do, that's where she has been for as long as she has been allowed to be, right beside you just willing you to wake up. Now just go back to sleep, and just maybe later on today we will be moving you on to the floor."

Betty Jeans's word was gold, at about 10 am Dr James and Julia ran an ECG then after checking it they started unhooking me from all the machines, leaving a transmitter on me with contacts on my chest to be monitored in the unit. What a job it was. You know those TV scenes you see with the patients hooked up to the monitors. Well they only tell half the story, they removed wires, tubes, BP cuffs and even then they left me hooked up with a catheter and bag so they could measure my fluid input and output, (I just hope I don't get an erection ) then they hauled the bed and me down the hall to a private room. Then it was getting all hooked up again, with oxygen just in case.

Rebecca, Mom and Doctor James were there in the room with me, and Dr James started to talk, "Chuck." I held up my hand and began to say what I had been thinking.

"Doc, Rebecca, Mom. Chuck died early last Saturday morning, I'd like you to call me by my given name, Charles or if you want, Charlie. If I'm starting over, then let's start with that."

Mom burst into to tears. "Ken, you didn't win, I just hope you can hear this."

Doctor James began again. "Okay Charles that sounds like a great beginning, now here is what is going to happen from here on in. You are going to be in here for probably 3 or four days while the nutritionist and physiotherapist work with you, getting your diet under control and getting you mobile again. The diet has to change, if it doesn't you will be back here again and we can't promise as good a result the next time. I am going to put you on a blood thinner for the rest of your life to reduce the chance of clotting, just a baby aspirin for the present time and we will be getting your blood tested fairly often. Some of those tests will check cholesterol and we will try and keep that in check by diet and exercise for a start. I'm not like a whole lot of doctors who think that the cholesterol lowering drugs are like manna from heaven. Like all drugs they can cause other problems while stopping one so if you don't need them I won't prescribe them.

You can go home once you are fully mobile but you are not to do anything strenuous like gardening, work, sex or anything like that. Reading, fly tying, puzzles, anything like that are okay. After 6 weeks you come back here and I will stress test you on the treadmill and likely put you in the cardiac rehab program we have here at the hospital, where your capacity for exercise will be assessed. Once you complete that course, then there are gyms in town that continue that training. It's a fresh start, please take it and extend your life as much as possible."

I asked her. "How can a heart attack sneak up on you like that without warning? I had no idea I was in any danger."

"Charles, didn't you have a lot of stomach problems during the year?"

"Yes I did."

"A lot of that was your heart telling you there was a problem. Symptoms of heart disease and of stomach problems can be much the same and the difference can only be found by tests. I'm also going to give you a Nitro spray, if you are at home and have any pain in your chest, use it to spray under your tongue and repeat after 5 minutes, if you don't have any relief after three sprays, call 911 and get in to the ER, it is that important. If it is digestive, then that's fine at least you are not at home having a heart attack and praying that it is indigestion."

She left after that, Rebecca said, Chu.. Er Charles, Oh this is going to be tough, I've always called you Chuck. You surprise me, Dr James has just laid out that your life has to completely change yet you made hardly a comment. Why?"

"Becca, I don't want to be a fool like Dad was denying that he was any the weaker, I don't want to leave you alone or for some other guy, I want to live and to live with you if you want me.

Rebecca leant over and put her arms around my neck, nuzzling into the side of my neck and kissing me. I couldn't help it I had to say,"Hey careful Becca, if you get me excited while that tube is in my penis that could cause a real injury."

She giggled and sat back in the chair. "I better not do that then, I don't want to break it, we need it."

Mom came back in, and we just chatted for a time then they both decided to let me get some rest, and I really felt like it. They went off to lunch and Rebecca told me she would be in later.

I was finally allowed food, of course it was a fluid diet, and the best tasting thing I had was Jell-O. The coffee wasn't bad, but non fat creamer was bit of a shock, as was no sugar. Just as I was finishing who should walk in but Jerry, my colleague from the plant. He grinned at me, "Well I don't know if you'll be doing much fishing for a while, can I have your rod and borrow your flies?"

"Buddy, I'm sick not dead, I'm planning on using them soon, once the Doc will let me start practice casting. How is the plant doing without me?"

A serious look came over his face. "Chuck, I am sorry to bring bad news but it looks as if they are going to try and can you and hire someone else, You know how this outfit works, You're Just a number to them, they don't care if you get well or not, all they want is to get out from under any liability or increase in the insurance premiums. I was given time off to come visit, but the first thing I was supposed to ask was how long you would be off?"

"I won't know for about six weeks, hell they cut my chest down the middle so that will be a while healing. Who can tell, I sure can't neither can the doctor, then she is talking about cardio rehab after that; I guess it could be around 3 months anyway. Don't tell anyone there but right now I'm not so sure that I want to go back because the tension was getting to me, and right now the thought of another attack scares the hell out of me."

"Don't worry, I won't and I'll let the guys on the shop floor know that you are ok. They may not have been your best buddies but they have a lot of respect for what you know and did, and if the company follows through the way they seem to be going, they could run into trouble on the shop floor. If they do something to cheat you, then it could happen to anybody on the floor."

After Jerry left, I went back to sleep. I needed it after the constant noise of the machines in the ICU, It was a good job they knocked me out, or I wouldn't have slept at all. The private room was great and I felt fairly comfortable, though my chest felt as if there was no strength there. At least I slept most of the night except when those nurses insisted on doing things that absolutely had to be done in the middle of the night or the hospital would have ground to a standstill. I guess I was still a bit of a hardass but at least I tried to be pleasant about it. Morning came early, medications, blood being taken for tests then finally more Jell-O but at least I got some decaffeinated coffee.

I wasn't expecting Rebecca back until the afternoon so I was looking for something to read. I asked the day nurse Evelyn if there was anything around that I could get to read. She came back after a half hour with a book that looked like a romance, apologizing that there wasn't anything more slanted to male tastes. I told her, "Don't worry, if the toilet paper had writing on it, I would read that. She left laughing and I lay back and started the battered and well worn paperback. It was called Three Little Ships, written by an English lady whose name I don't remember, I guess you could call it a woman's book but It taught me a couple of things, one was that just because it was a woman's book didn't mean that the story was couldn't be exciting, and it also taught me that little people working together can accomplish big things. It was the story of the miracle of Dunkirk in the Second World War, how most of half a million British soldiers trapped on the beaches of Dunkirk were rescued by a fleet of hundreds of boats ranging from naval vessels to small boats towed in groups and how they were crewed mainly by civilian crews who faced bombing, shelling and strafing just to rescue the soldiers. It was something that I had never heard of, it wasn't American history it was British but it taught me a lesson about what the people I had thought of as little and unimportant people could do when it needed to be done.

After a lunch of beef broth, a thin soup and more Jell-O Sam popped his head in my door. "Hi Chuck, how is it going?"

"Come in Sam. I'd rather be fishing but hey, considering the alternative I had I'll take this. Sorry I couldn't make the appointment. I hear that I have you to thank for all the excellent treatment I have been getting, I owe you big time and you've earned the right to know all my good fishing spots."

Sam smiled, "That's why I am here, actually a couple of things, as Lilia gave me something to talk with you about. Both things are kind of personal so if you don't want to talk you can always tell me to shut up and we'll talk fishing. As far as the treatment goes you are entitled to it as Rebecca's spouse, and what is the use of being a major donor if you can't get a favor for a friend."

"Sam I don't have anything else to do but talk, fire away."

"After I told Lila that you wouldn't be with us on the company weekend, she sat me down and told me about a talk she had had with Rebecca. Just in case you don't know it the two of them are as thick as thieves, have been for a long time, they usually lunch together two or three times a week, and if Rebecca isn't back at her desk by 1 30, I start to worry because it is going to cost me money. Lila likes to take her when she goes dress shopping as she values Rebecca's advice. it is almost like she thinks of Rebecca as the daughter she has never been able to have, even with all the tests and modern techniques. I guess one of the last times they were out together, Rebecca was really quiet and when Lila bugged her into talking, she said that she had probably done the wrong thing in putting her career first, that she thought she was losing you and maybe you didn't trust her anymore. Lila being Lila I was told to ask you if that was so. Whether you want to answer or tell me to mind my own damn business is up to you."

"Well I must admit, I was beginning to wonder, especially when she got the promotion yet seemed to be working more hours, especially Saturdays, then I began to wonder about when she had been travelling for those years. You know all it takes is one little bit of suspicion and it all begins to get magnified out of all proportion, then when she wore that necklace the other night, I just couldn't see her buying it herself, she never spends that kind of money on herself without telling me first."

"That's because she didn't buy it for herself and you would have known that if you had come to the company functions. Actually Lila bought it, but it was paid for by the company. It only cost a fraction of what her care reading over sales contracts saved the company. A rep had made a mistake that could have cost the company a lot of money over time, and she caught it. As for the Saturdays, I keep telling her to quit working them, but she says that she would rather come in and help her reps than be on her own all day, not knowing when you will be home."

"I thought maybe she was meeting someone, using the reps as an excuse."

"Charlie, maybe you don't know, but our company has a strict morality clause in everybody's contract. We don't care what people do in their own time provided it isn't with another employee. If two single employees are dating, they have to tell us, and they will be put into different departments. Married employees are prohibited from getting involved with other employees; it is grounds for termination of their contract. Sales employees while on sales trips are expected to be on their best behavior as what they do reflects on the company. Again getting involved with someone else is grounds for termination and you would be surprised how fast things can get back to us, as we use the same chain of hotels and they know that if any of our employees creates a problem we are to be advised immediately.

Rebecca I know is one that won't cross the line. Early in her employment she came to me and asked if it was okay to get her evening meals through room service as she had been hit on a few times when on her own in the dining room. That was fine with me, there have been times that I have had to get hold of her at night, and I have called her room, she was right there, with no background noises other than TV shows, her completed orders usually came through at around 9 pm so she was working in the room. More than one manager has commented on why she is so welcome in the hotel as she is so quiet and polite. The only thing they say is that she watches a lot of movies but she pays for them separately, never on the hotel bill, Charlie, let me tell you, I wish all my employees were as well regarded. Anyway, I have something to show you."

He opened his brief case and pulled out a laptop computer, and set it up on my bedside table. He went on to explain what he was doing. "All our employees are aware that all operations in our headquarters are taped. The only places that are not equipped for video and sound are the washrooms and lunchroom. All offices are monitored 24 hours a day, seven days a week, all employees are aware of this, though sometimes they forget it includes weekends. This is part of their contract and many times they are glad of it because it provides backup for them if any customers start trying to get out of contracts etc. What a lot of people don't know is that once in a while Lila and I will go in on a Sunday and view the videos. I would like you to watch this one."

He started the DVD, and I recognized it as Rebecca's office. She was at her desk talking to one of her sales staff I had been introduced to as Tom Jacobs. She went over his sales report and asked him some questions about it. He answered the questions, then said, "Rebecca, why don't we drop the pretence, we both know what you want, you want a taste of Tom, I'll do a much better job than that jerk of a husband of yours of giving you what you want and satisfying you."

Her face changed in a hurry, obviously he had never seen her mad, Me I would have just turned and walked right out of there before the fireworks. He just made it worse; he got up, walked around her desk and put his hand on her shoulder. She just stood up as if she was going to let him hold her, but then stood back and he never saw her right hand coming up, Slap, the sound just seemed to reverberate round the room.

"You detestable son of a bitch, you are so low you could walk under a snake's belly, wearing a top hat. You're a married man with three children, your wife is a friend of mine, you know the company's regulations regarding sexual harassment and you still try to pull a stunt like that. Well on Monday morning I will be submitting a complaint about your conduct to the HR department. The only regret I will have doing it, is that it will hurt Joanne and your kids, which is the only reason I'm not on the phone to Sam right now."

I would have laughed if it hadn't hurt too much. "That's my Rebecca, I wouldn't expect any less from her though I didn't know she could hit that hard, maybe she should have got my attention that way sometimes." The video continued, "Just get out of the office and I never want to see your face here again."

I noticed the date and time on the video, it was dated June 5th, then the light went on in my brain, no wonder she was so mad when I tried to suggest some fooling around that Sunday, it was Sunday June 6th, (What soldier ever forgets the anniversary of D Day) the day after the altercation, no wonder she was mad, especially if the wife was a friend of hers, I guess I was lucky she didn't slap me.




A Change In The Status Quo Revisit



"Sam, that explains more than you know, what happened to Tom?"

"That Sunday was one of the ones that Lila and I went to check the videos. Once I saw that I called Tom in and laid down the law. Let's say that now Tom is getting a cooling off period, and you have probably heard what Chicago is like in winter. I haven't had any more complaints about him."

He went on, "That isn't all, I have another video I want you to see. You know that your present company is a customer of ours, we buy stuff from them that we sell, but isn't worth setting up our own lines to produce and they do the same with us. Well just over a week ago, your boss Jake Engels was in my office for a talk. I won't bore you with the entire chat, but I thought this part would be of interest to you. He started up another video.

Sam was telling Jake that his manager for physical equipment was retiring in 6 months and he was going to have to start looking for a replacement. Jake started boasting that he didn't need a manager, "I have a guy who knows every machine in the shop, and the beauty is that he has no idea of his value to me. I pay him what I would pay a mechanic, and he does the work of a manager. If he were to quit I would have to hire at least two guys to replace him, there is no way I could ever find someone else to work the lousy hours that he does and the less I have to pay out the better. In fact I heard that he was married to one of your execs, He is Chuck Alexander."

I turned the laptop away, It hurt that he thought so little of me that he would even talk about it to in some ways a rival of his and someone that I counted at least an acquaintance, if not a friend of the family.

Sam smiled, "I think that will be useful if you have to go to court against him, but I bet it hurts as well."

"It does, I thought I was better thought of than that."

"Well you are, the reason I asked you to come see me, was that I thought you would be just the man to replace Dick when he retires. You know your job, I'm, sure of that and while you are a bit rough around the edges, you don't hesitate to go right to the point. That speech of Jake's convinced me that you are the best man for the job. If you can work for that cheap SOB you can sure work for me."

"I'm not too good at handling people Sam, my manner sucks sometimes."

"That can be learned; in fact you are married to one of the finest human rights instructors that I have ever met."

"I don't know that I will be that fit in 6 months."

"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it shall we? You won't be doing a lot of the physical work anyway; the job is a managerial position. Let's see how your rehab goes."

"Well after that video, I will never again work for Jake, so if you want me I'll be glad to give it a try, as long as there is no obligation on either of us. If I don't suit you, you can me, and if I don't like the work, I can walk without any problems."

"Sounds like we have a deal, of course the fishing holes are included." His face broke into a smile.

Just then Dr James walked in. "Well Sam are you all done?"

"Yes Etta, we have just about finished for now."

"Well I need to examine Charles so I'll be grateful if you would leave for now, and take that computer with you, the last thing we need is for him is to be roving the Internet looking for porn in the shape he is in." She laughed at us, "Not for a while buddy."

He left, and Lila started looking at my dressings and the drains. "So you know Sam do you?"

"Yes he's my wife's boss and he wants to give me a job."

"Well you could do worse; he does some pretty good things."

"How do you know him?"

"it's part of my job to know our major donors, His and Lila's foundation provide a lot of funds and they have helped build our cardiac program and our neo natal suite. When they realized that they were not going to have children of their own, they decided to help us as much as they could."

She put a small plastic object on the bedside table, It was like a plastic tube and I had to suck on the one end and get a ball to come up to the top.

"I want you doing that every hour to get your lungs going again, then we are going to get you moving under your own steam, I'll see you again tomorrow."

Just as she was leaving, Rebecca and my Mom came in. Seeing me sitting up, Becca just beamed. "Wow, maybe I should stay away more often, you seem to be coming along pretty good, you have great color. Sam must have been good for you, what did he have to say"?

"To watch out for your right hand."

She looked at me for a minute, a grin stole over her face. "Did he show you that video?"

"Apparently if he didn't do it, your buddy Lila was going to do the same to him."

Mom looked at both of us as if we were crazy. "Mom I'll let Rebecca explain later."

"Also after showing me a video of that asshole I work for now he offered me a job, as Physical Plant manager."

"Wow. he hadn't said anything to me about it."

"Apparently he was going to sound me out about it on the trip, but when he heard I wasn't going, he called to make an appointment to see me this week, that's how I knew it was a couple's trip."

Rebecca turned to Mom, "Mom, can I ask for a few minutes alone with Charles, I think it's time we had a little chat."

Mom said, "About time too, Charles, remember what I said."

"Okay Mom."

Rebecca sat beside the bed and took my hand."Charles, I've been so scared over this last year, I thought I was losing you, that you thought I didn't need you any more, you became more of a loner, going out running and fishing, working most of the time that I wasn't. It seemed I couldn't reach you, and when we were together I didn't know what to say that I could say without upsetting you."

"Rebecca, I have a confession to make, apparently I'm one of those people who can hear what is going on around them even when unconscious, and so I have heard a lot of what you talked about with Mom, the nurses and Doctor James. Not only that I had a lot of time to think about what I was hearing, about how wrong Dad's outlook on life was. I don't want to die alone and unloved but I'm going to need your help to get out of the shell I made for myself. Sam made me realize just how ridiculous my suspicions were, and I'm sorry that I was not there to see you awarded that necklace, if you'll let me in future, I'll be there for you always, but I need you to be there for me too. This whole thing started at that party, you know the one where you gave me hell for making you look a fool."

"I know, trouble is that I darn soon realized that the one who made me look a fool was me, I was mad at myself, but I took it out on you, I had no right to say what I did about you, and do what I did. Liquor can make me do stupid things, probably because I have so little of it, I know that now and you will be surprised to know that the first liquor I have had for a while was last Friday at your birthday dinner."

"Friday night was just like that party all over again when that woman came over, you didn't say who she was, you just went off with her and after I waited about ten minutes I walked through, you were sitting with the gang of them and one of them was giving you a drink so I left and had a hamburger at the place across the street."

"And while you were having the hamburger, I was back at our table. I didn't drink more than a sip of the drink, left the women and when I got back I thought you had gone to the john, so I sat there for a while until the maitre D came over and told me you had left. I had no idea what to do; you didn't answer my calls so I got a cab home and had a couple of drinks while I waited for you."

"Sweetheart, for the last year I haven't known how things stood between us, and like you I could never find the words to ask you and once it came to mind that you might leave me for someone else, the snake inside got bigger and bigger. You were working Saturdays though you didn't need to, and I was scared that you were doing something other than working."

"Charles, let's be serious for a minute, did you ever take Saturday off to stay home with me?"

"No I didn't."

"And Sundays, what were you usually doing?"

"Either trail running or fishing."

"Those two days were the only times in the week I got off, I needed you just as much as you needed me, did you stop to think of that?"

"No I can't say I did, but I can tell you now as long as I have your help that me is gone, he might come back once in a while, after all I've been like that a long time, but I swear to do better."

"We both made mistakes, let's bury them here and now and start over. I made the mistake of putting my career first, you made the mistake of trying to be your Pop, Let's try putting each other first."

The tears were streaming down her face as she put her arms around my neck and sat on the bed beside me.

"Did you hear what I said about children?"

"Yes, I did, and I'd be really proud to be the daddy of any children we might have."

With that Rebecca began to cry, she reached for her purse and took out her birth control pill container. "I brought these with me because I was here overnight, should I get rid of them?"

"Rebecca, if that is what you want, I'm all for it. It may take a little while till we can do anything about it, but by then the chemicals should be well washed away

She turned to Mom as she came into the room and handed her the pills, "Mom would you ask Betty Jean to destroy these for me please?" Then she sat on the side of my bed and threw her arms around my neck again, kissing me full on the lips with the kind of kiss I hadn't felt for a long time.

"Hey lady, this is getting dangerous again."

"Just you wait till that catheter is out buddy."

At that Mom came back and after sitting for a while, they decided to leave for home and come back the next day, funny though, there was a smile on Rebecca's face and a spring to her step that I hadn't seen for a long time. Mom was going to pick up a few clothes and stay over with her until I was home again just to keep her company. As the worst was over, they were switching to regular visiting hours, which didn't start until noon, so I wouldn't see them until the next day.

Next day was the start of the road back. The catheter went, though they were still measuring fluids, I was allowed to walk to the bathroom, under supervision of course. I was actually allowed some solid food, if you can call cream of wheat that, and a slice of soggy toast, Dr James came in to see me along with the nutritionist to tell me what kind of a diet I should follow. Part way through the morning, I met Pat, she was my physiotherapist. The first thing she did was took a folded sheet and gave it to me. "Here this is going to be your closest friend for the next few days, when you get up and walk your chest is going to feel that there is no strength there. You hold the sheet against your chest as if you are hugging someone. I or someone else will hold your IV pole while you walk, until we put a heparin lock in and you can be free of the pole.

After five days of walking increasing distances hugging my sheet, with Pat, Mom and Rebecca taking turns to keep me company and walking up and down two flights of stairs, Doctor James pronounced me ready to face the world and as she, Rebecca and Mom pushed me out of the main door of St Bart's, in a wheelchair the sun and wind on my face was amazing. Thanks to the painkillers I wasn't feeling much pain as I got into the taxi. The Beemer had been deemed too tight to get into, and Becca said there was no way I was climbing into the truck, not on her watch anyway and finally to the congratulations of the neighbors I arrived home, ten days after that fateful birthday. The first thing I noticed was a big balloon tied to the table, Happy Birthday Charles and Welcome Home.

Epilogue

Well all that was three years ago, my recovery was normal, I enjoyed the Cardio Rehab, and continued the classes outside the hospital, the instructor is an ordained minister who is also a fitness instructor working with Dr James and the classes are in the basement of his church. Not only is he a great instructor, but a great counselor, easy to talk to, well up to date, probably the last man you would take as a minister, which is likely why Rebecca and I have become members of his church. As any heart attack victim knows, not only do you have to handle the physical aspects of the attack, but tremendous mental issues as well which Dave really helped with.

My other mentor in the class is Tony; he had a heart attack in his mid forties and after surgery was told that if he was lucky he might make 65. Well this year he is 75, and while he is slowing down a little he is still one of the liveliest persons that I know.

I was well enough to take the job that Sam had offered me, and did I mention that I started at more than twice what Jake had been paying me. I had no problem with any of the people that worked with me, Dave, Tony and Rebecca worked marvels with me as far as people skills went.

Rebecca and I, well we learned a graphic lesson, that we had become You and I not We. For the first six weeks that we were home, we pretty well talked each other's ears off, (Well we had lots of time, and the furthest we went was to stores for food and drink) We spent lots of time in front of a fire that I never thought I would see again, and spent lots of time in close contact. Not as close as I would have liked, but hey you can't have everything. The big thing was that we talked, more than we ever had in our lives. We found out what was important to each of us singly and to both of us as a whole. I began to look at the heart attack as one of the most important things that had ever happened to us.

Health wise things have been pretty good, we have had the occasional scare, all indigestion so far but as Dr James says, don't take a chance and don't drive in to the hospital, call 911. The first stress test was good, as were two annual ones in checkups, and while I'm not allowed to run in Marathons yet, I've done up to 5 miles with no bad results.

On the family front, Rebecca didn't go back on the pill and within six weeks of us first making love again, that little stick turned blue. First to go was the Beemer, Rebecca's reason was that she couldn't see herself driving it with a baby bump, and it would be a hell of a thing to put a baby seat in so we wound up with a Grand Caravan. Next went the truck, no need for a truck with the Caravan and anyway you couldn't put a baby seat in it properly. I offered to try but I saw that right hand and decided not to chance it, anyway Sam was getting me an SUV as a company car anyway. He made sure it took baby seats. Rebecca still goes in to the office once a week but she does most of her work from home, after all she can read all the sales reports on her computer.

Now I'm dictating this little story with a voice recognition program, it makes it much easier for me; it's kind of hard to type with two year old Julietta Patricia Alexander fast asleep with her arms around Daddy's chest. I wouldn't trade the feeling for anything in the world, especially when I look over to the other side of the fireplace and see Rebecca nursing two month old David Samuel Alexander. As Rebecca says, it seems that al she has to do to get pregnant is take her pants off anymore and who am I to argue. It took us a while, but we eventually got our priorities straight.

We make sure we get out once in a while and I usually let Rebecca pick the restaurant. no more double burgers for this guy and the only steak has to be extra lean and then not a lot at that. We have three great babysitters, Mom and Steve, now Mr. and Mrs. Richards, Steve is making a great grandfather, and knows a hell of a lot of good fishing spots to boot. The other sitter who surprised me the most is Lila, Sam's wife and Rebecca's buddy who just loves the kids to distraction. Sam says her shopping trips now are more likely to be Toys R Us than Sachs.

Oh, and about Jake. Sam's lawyer took a deposition from the cooks at the plant as to what they were told to cook and supply, and by the time Jake and his lawyer were shown the depositions and the video of the conference with Sam, and Sam's lawyer suggesting that a copy of the video might just find its way on to YouTube. Jake was advised that the publicity would kill his business if nothing else so we got an offer from the insurance company of $200.000.00 to cover the rehab.

What life has in store for me I don't know, it could be a few years, or a lot but I can face it a whole lot easier when Rebecca and I face it together hand in hand. I don't care what anyone says, that power that passes between us then is as real as can be. Also I've found that no matter whom you talk to, they all have something to offer, and that those I would have described as little people a few years ago can do great things when the need arises.

Oh before I forget; that necklace that helped cause all the trouble. On the day Julietta was born, Rebecca got the matching earrings, and on the day David was born she got a matching bracelet. They were not paid for by the company either, though Lila did help me find them.

Do I miss the old Chuck? once in a while I guess I do, but when I look at the life I am leading now compared to before the attack, I sure as hell prefer the new Rebecca and as the old adage says, it takes two to tango, and the sum of two of us together is much bigger that two separate going in different directions.

The End



A Change in the Status Quo



The waiter brought our drinks and I told him we would need a little more time to order. I was not about to order for Rebecca. She was pretty picky about what she wanted and no doubt I would get it wrong. She could never order straight from the menu. Something would always have to be on the side, substituted or cooked different. 

As I waited it gave me some time to think. I have noticed that certain units of measure we use are not exactly quantified. How much is in a pinch? What is an ass-load of something? What about a bunch? How many are in a handful? Are there metric equivalents to these units of measure? Is a metric group of something more or less than an imperial group? How about time? Are a few minutes five minutes plus or minus? How about when someone says they will be right back? How much time is that? How long do you sit at a table alone before you wonder what happened to your companion when they said they will be right back; 5 minutes or 30?

I guess it is all relative. Do you think sitting at a table for a few minutes by yourself would seem like a long time? If you are on fire five minutes is an eternity while if you are getting a really first class blow job it is almost instantaneous. I won't get into how long I waited for my beloved wife to "be right back" before I went to see where she was. The lounge was just as irritating as the restaurant. It served those fruity drinks like an appletini. Can you imagine James Bond ordering an appletini shaken not stirred? Drinks like that is evidence of our decline as a civilization. 

I entered the lounge a spotted her across the bar squeezed into the outside seat of a both with six other women all about the same age. She did not see me as she was engrossed in conversation with her friends. I stood off to one side and just watched her. When a waitress delivered drinks to her table and one of them was for her I went back to the dining room. I told the waiter we had changed our minds, gave him money to cover the drinks we had ordered plus a tip and left. You could say I was angry and hurt but I guess mostly I was disappointed. Not about my birthday but having one I loved so much and thought so much of treat me like that If she could treat me like that how was she treating others? Had she changed that much or was I just now seeing it?

I decided I was still going to eat out for my birthday. It was too late to get a good seat at my favorite steak house but my favorite hamburger joint was just across the street. Besides making great burgers it was my favorite for another reason; you could order any item from the menu anytime of the day and they were open 24-7. If you want a breakfast biscuit at twelve noon- no problem. If you want a burger at 5:00am it also is no problem. If you have not had a hamburger for breakfast you are missing out.

So that is how I came to be here by myself on my birthday. I had grabbed a seat in booth that gave me a view of the restaurant across the street. I was enjoying my burger when my cell phone began to vibrate. I am one of those polite bastards that set their phone to vibrate when in a restaurant. If the call is not urgent I will call back when I am done eating. If it is important, something that has not happened yet, I will leave the dining areas and take the call. My dad did manage to beat some politeness into me when I was growing up.

I do not know how long it took Rebecca to realize I was gone but I do know that enough time had elapsed that I was able to leave the restaurant drive across the street to the burger joint, place and receive my order and start eating before she came storming out the front of the restaurant to where my truck had been parked. She looked around and stomped her foot. Whenever she was frustrated or angry she would do that. It was move I always found kind of cute and amusing in the past. I would admit to deliberately aggravating her in the past just to get her to do that. Besides making up it up to her back then was kind of fun.

She took out her cell phone and shortly mine began to vibrate. It was her of course and I did not answer. Childish perhaps but I wanted to enjoy my birthday meal and talking to her would only spoil it. She did not bother to leave a voice message. I watched as she went stomping back into the restaurant.

At this point the situation might have been defused or mollified a bit had I called her back. We would have argued with her doing the yelling, at least most of it. In the end I would apologize for leaving her at the restaurant and she would have said she was sorry for the disrespectful way she had treated me and things would soon return to normal. Thing was I did not want to go back to what had become normal.

A taxi pulled up at the restaurant and I watch Rebecca get in and it drove off. I guess it was something that she did not stay and party with her friends but then again she had to get up early for her business trip. Rebecca called again, I didn't answer again and she did not leave a message again. They say a lack of communication can be bad for a marriage whoever "they"are. But right now I knew that we would only say things to each other that would make things worse. We would say hateful things or to be more accurate she would rant and rave and say those things. I would irritate her more by trying to remain calm stating my case instead of fighting back. Oh, I might say few things but I would try not to raise my voice. In the end we would apologize but we would not be able to unsay what we said. The wounds would heal but there would be scar tissue. Better to let tempers cool and give thought to what you want to say.

I finished my meal and decided it was too early to call it a night for celebrating my birthday. I figured I would go see a movie or maybe even two depending on how I felt about going home at the time. It may not seem like I was angry but I was royally pissed. I never did see much point in a bunch of yelling and screaming so I didn't. My normal method of letting off steam was to go for a run or some other type of physical exercise but changing into my workout clothes meant going home and that was not an option right now. So I was left to stew about it. I drove over to the multiplex where there were two movies getting ready to start. One was about a lame super hero whose weakness was a color so he could be defeated by a crayon. It is as bad as having a "super" ability of being able to talk to fish. Beware the dreaded attack of the Clownfish. 

I opted for some foreign movie about hunting trolls. How is that for expanding my horizons? I was watching a foreign movie. Actually I have watched a few foreign movies; Das Boot, North Face and Downfall just so you don't go thinking I lack refinement. 

I paid a not too unreasonable amount for my ticket and then was bent over at the snack bar. What is the markup for movie popcorn, about 900%? Why does the cost of admission cost less than the snacks? Well my anger over my wife's actions was briefly displaced by my anger over getting ripped off at the snack bar. The only plus was I was able to get my popcorn with extra butter, or what they call "butter". Unfortunately that just reminded me of Rebecca. She always insisted we shared an extra large popcorn like a couple should but she did not want extra butter so like a good husband I went along with it. At least for my birthday now I am able to enjoy the popcorn my way and they do not even charge you for the extra squirts of "butter". Of course I do not verbalize the fact the there is no charge for extra "butter" least it give them ideas.

While I was in the snack line my phone vibrated again. I checked it when I got seated another missed call from Rebecca and no message. I figure she got home without any problems. The Troll movie was OK so I thought I would see another movie but the next one showing without a long wait so I had to come up with another game plan. I sat in my truck and gave the situation some thought. I was still very angry about the incident and knowing her as well as I do I figured she was more than a little upset with me. If she was in anyway apologetic she would have left a message. 

Rebecca had her business trip to leave for the next morning and I knew she would not cancel it. If it was me I would not have either. I figured it was an opportunity for both of us to cool down. I sent her a text message merely stating I was OK then shut off my phone. At this point some guys would have decided to spend the night in a motel but not me. I had a comfortable bed waiting for me at home even if the spouse was hostile. Long ago we came to an understanding. I would not be sleeping on the coach if she was mad at me. If she was that mad she could sleep there but I would not prevent her from sleeping in our bed. If it got to the point were neither of could share a bed maybe it was time to call it quits.

Driving home I gave it some thought. That our marriage was not in good shape was obvious. We were more like roommates than spouses. How much was I to blame for this I wondered. Why did I stop making attempts for us to spend more time together? Was it just a matter of my feelings being hurt after being rebuffed? Should I have tried to attend more of her company functions? I don't think so because she never asked why I stopped. It was like she was almost relived not to have me there, particularly when I found out about this upcoming trip.

Was it just about the sex? I know it is all we guys think about all the time but it was more like just a symptom than a cause. I did come to realize that she was not to happy with me. One incident always stuck in the back of my mind. Not long after she got promoted I was sitting in the den surfing the net looking at new fly rods one evening while she was at the desk doing some work. We had not said much to each other both lost in what we were doing when out of the blue she asked "You are never going to change are you?" I responded jokingly that it was not likely and went back to what I was doing not taking her question seriously. Maybe I should have and asked some questions of my own. Was she unhappy with whom I was? What exactly about me did she want to change? 

It did seem that she no longer respected me nor it seemed thought much of our marriage. I still dismissed thoughts that she might be having an affair as I don't think that was her way. But then again I did not think she would treat me the way she had either. 

When I got home she was waiting at the door still dressed up and with an almost finished drink in her hand. No telling how many she had knocked back before I got home. She, of course, launched into me. Rebecca followed me around yelling and waving her hands around while I shed the monkey suit .

I sat on the bed listening to the airing of her grievances over my conduct. While she was on her rant I looked at one of my tackle boxes on the floor in the closet and realized it had been too long since I had been on a fishing trip. Perhaps I needed what some called "me time".

This did not mean I was not listening to what the wife was saying but it did not require my full attention as I had heard most of it before. To sum up the key point of her yelling were:

That I had embarrassed her by abandoning her at the restaurant. That I showed no appreciation for her taking me out to dinner on my birthday and that I had ruined our last night together before she left for her business trip.

I knew this was coming and had spent most of the night formulating my response. When she paused for a breath she stomped her foot and aid "damn it say something".

I stood up and paced back and forth as I laid out my response.

"I wish you were more honest about taking me out to dinner for my birthday. If it was for my birthday why take me to a place you know I don't like?" She started to say something but I continued "I know I took you there before but that was because I know you like places like that, I did it for you. Sometimes couples do that. They don't have to share every like or dislike but they compromise and endure them for each other. When was the last time you compromised for me? Tonight was not about doing something for me but doing it for you under the pretext for doing it for me. I could have handled that but everything else on top of that just took it too far."

Rebecca just stood there looking angry so I continued 

"You were the one who abandoned me at the table while you ran off with someone. I might add somebody I didn't know as I was not even afforded the courtesy of an introduction. All l got was an " I'll be right back." 

She then interrupted before I could continue yelling about how I could not wait while she said hello to some old friends she had not seen in years. 

At that point I lost it a bit and told her to shut up and not in calm voice. I had never told her to shut up before maybe that was part of our problem. I then continued "I may be just and undereducated shift worker to you but even I know the proper thing to do would have been to introduce me to your friend explain the circumstances and made arrangement to meet for drinks some other time. Yes, I know about the drinks I checked before I left and realized you would not be right back as you put it."

"Tell me Rebecca how long would you have waited if I left you sitting there to go have some drinks with friends?"

At that she exploded in anger with the response "Fat chance of that happening, you do not have any friends!" She quickly shut her mouth after that. Was that regret I saw in her eyes or hate?

My response was calm and even "I used to have at least one friend; that was all I needed. That friend was you."

She started to approach me and I held up my hand. "I am tired, I am going to take a shower and go to bed. I think when you leave on your business trip tomorrow you should spend some time thinking about what we should do with what is left of this marriage. I will do the same. Things cannot continue as they are between us. I do not wish to discuss this anymore until you get back."

I headed toward the bathroom but stopped and turned. "By the way your boss called me earlier expressing regret on my being unable to attend this so called business trip of yours due to my work. Seems that you neglected to tell me that this was a social -getting to know you - gathering for executives and their spouses with spouse attendance strongly encouraged, using his words. A weekend of fun and sun as he put it. You do not have to worry I am not as slow witted as you may think and kept with your story to him about my not being able to get the time off. Enjoy your trip."