3 comments/  35841 views/  5 favorites

A Brother's Love Ch. 02

By: ethereal_dancer



(September 22nd 1994)

Lena trembled as she looked up, sickness creeping into her stomach. She didn't want to go in, didn't want to accept that this was her new school now. Her old school was so much better, with its deep red brickwork and long green lawns. This place was too big and uninviting. Smooth grey pathways led between sculpted grounds of bark chippings and prim box hedges, up to the large, sweeping steps at the school's entrance. Huge windows loomed over them from a blank, white-washed exterior, looking out over the hordes of students arriving in the early morning sunshine. Lena felt like it might swallow her whole.

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up into her foster brother's gentle, slate-blue eyes. He smiled down at her and Lena blushed, her head in a jumble of emotions. She wanted to run away, from the school, from her foster brother, from every part of this new life she was meant to be leading since her family's death. The other part of her wanted to curl up in his arms and cry until she could cry no more. 

Her foster brother knelt at her side. "Don't be scared Lena." He said softly. "They're real nice here, I promise."

Kristopher Alden was twenty three, tall and devastatingly handsome, which, even at twelve, Lena hadn't failed to notice. He was kind and gentle with her, not pushing her to talk if she didn't want to, not forcing her to do anything. He told her jokes to make her laugh and stories about his life with their foster parents Bill and Maggie Howard. At those times, Lena forgot her pain, at least for a little while.

Nodding feebly, Lena took a breath and resigned herself to her first day at this strange new school. 

*

The school bell sounded, loud and shrill, across the grounds of St.Mary's. Kit knelt at Lena's side and assured her that everything was going to be ok. He knew exactly how she felt and it hurt that he couldn't take away her pain and confusion. She didn't deserve any of this...but then again, who did?

"Want me to walk you to the door?" he asked her. He knew she'd say no, but had to ask, just in case. 

Lena shook her head. "No...I can do it by myself." She said, her voice a mix of fear and pride. He smiled inwardly. He knew she didn't mean anything nasty by her words; from the moment she'd first arrived, she'd said things that sounded rude and spiteful, but her heart just wasn't in it. 

She swallowed and brushed his eyes with her gaze. She didn't move. "Go...it's alright." He encouraged, standing up to his full height. Lena shot him a sharp look, as if to say 'how do you know?!', then she blushed, checked herself and offered him a faint smile.

He smiled back, gave her a cheeky wink and watched her as she slowly walked away, towards the school. She got ten paces away before turning and running back to him at full speed. She threw herself at him and swung her arms around his waist, hugging him for the first time. Kit was surprised but soon caught himself and held her close. He knelt down to her level, looking into her teary eyes and wanted to take her home, but he knew he couldn't. She had to face it eventually.

"Don't worry, ok? I'm gonna be in town all day, so if you need me, I wont be too far away. If you get scared or want to talk to me, go and ask Miss Jennings...she's the red haired lady at reception...just tell her who you are and that you'd like to speak with me, and she'll let you call, ok? She's my friend."

Lena fought back tears and nodded. "Ok." She muttered. "What time are you coming to get me?"

"Maggie's coming to fetch you later; at three-thirty...Bill and I have got to go see a man from out of town. We'll be back at the house about six."

"Why can't Maggie go with Bill and you come and fetch me?" she asked.

Kit smiled. "Because, pretty lady, we've got a surprise for you, but Bill and I have got to go out and get it."

Lena's gasped, her eyes lighting up. "You've got me a present?" she asked.

Kit just grinned. "Maybe. Now go...I'm gonna get into trouble if you're late."

Lena smiled and went to leave, then quickly turned, hugged him and ran away towards the school, her worries forgotten...at least for now.

* 

Sighing, Kit watched her disappear into the school and turned back to his car which was parked a few feet away. Not surprisingly, a young man with golden brown hair and blue eyes stood leaning against it, his whole body tense as he watched Lena leave.

"She likes you." It sounded more like an accusation that an observation, but Kit knew, like his little sister, that Matt didn't mean it in that way.

Kit didn't offer him a reply, just held his gaze and stepped past him. He climbed into his car and started the engine. As he pulled away, Matt appeared in his passenger seat and glared fiercely at the side of Kit's face.

"I hate it when you do that." He said, knotting his brows together and glaring at his own feet. 

"I can't talk to you in the street Matt; no-one can see you...d'you know what they do to people who have conversations with thin air...they ship them off to the loony bin, is what." Kit pointed out.

"I'm just sick of this. When I met you...when I first died...I asked you why I'd come back and not my parents...and you said it was because of the connection me and Lena shared...you said that soon she'd be able to see me and feel me in the air, that I could talk to her and stuff...but...but she can't! It's been over a month now Kit! I can't just wonder around forever! It's driving me insane!"

"It won't always be like this...I promise you...but you gotta understand it from Lena's point of view. She can't see you because she's torn up inside...it's like...it's like..." Kit searched around for something to relate to. 

"The stars..." he said, waving one hand at the sky. "The stars are always there, aren't they? But we can't always see them Matt...no matter how much we might want to, sometimes there's just too many clouds, you know?" Kit hated to talk like this, but sometimes the only way to get a message across was to put it in a way that could be easily understood. 

"That's what it's like for Lena...she won't be able to see you until the clouds pass and the only way to help her is to make her feel good. You've gotta send her good thoughts Matt, not ones of loss and anger." Kit told him.

The silence fell as Matt thought this over, his brow still tightly knotted and his jaw clenched. Finally Kit felt him relax and saw Matt turn his head to the window. "There was a time...when she was in hospital...that...I thought maybe...maybe she felt me there..." Matt said quietly, as if doubting his own thoughts.

Kit turned off onto the long country road that led up past their house and out into the sticks. He pulled up at the side of the road, switched the engine off and turned to his friend, knowing that when he got home they'd have no chance to talk. At least, not without Maggie and Bill thinking he'd gone mad.

"Tell me what happened..." Kit said.

Matt clenched his teeth several times, making the muscle in his jaw pulse. He seemed to do this whenever he was in deep thought. 

"It was after I first met you. I was in the hospital, trying to get a grip on...on being dead." Matt held a certain tone in his voice and Kit knew what he was thinking; 'how do you get a grip on being dead?' "I'd been there for weeks," Matt continued, speaking slowly as if replaying it over in his head. "I just watched her lying there...all limp and broken...I'd been asking her to wake up, that everything was going to be ok and...telling her that I love her." Matt glanced up and smiled in remembrance. "I was so happy when she finally opened her eyes. She was drowsy from the painkillers, but she was still pretty sharp....she still gave the doctors a few of her evil glares..." They both laughed softly, knowing that glare all too well. 

Matt hardened quite suddenly as he glanced at Kit. "After the doctors had gone and she was alone, she started to cry...so I told her to hush...that I'd be there soon...that ..."

Matt went silent, lost in his own thoughts as he stared at some insignificant point near his feet. Kit leant back in his seat and let him have a moment before speaking. "Then what...?" he asked.

"Then...she seemed to try...to try and...turn towards me, but she couldn't...then...then she said...'I love you Matt'. I know she knew it was me, that was there...even when I touched her hand, I felt her react to it....like she could feel it...but then she went to sleep and...it hasn't happened since."

Kit nodded, thinking it over. "You were happy at the time, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, I was glad she'd woken up." Matt repeated.

"Well...I'm guessing, because of the drugs they'd given her...added to your happiness...I'm guessing that she did feel you, probably would have seen you had she been able too..." Kit spoke his thoughts aloud.

"But why hasn't that happened again?" Matt asked. "What if I disappear or something before she gets to see me?"

"You won't. It doesn't happen like that. Because you were touching each other when you died, your soul has kinda...fused with Lena's. The only way that connection can be broken is if Lena died too...then you'd both pass over together." Kit explained. 

He'd told Matt all this before, but he knew how hard it was for people to understand what was to come. He didn't even know himself. 

"Look, you've got to have patience, Matt, it's the only way. I know it's hard and I know you hate me for not being able to give you all the answers, but I just can't. There are no rules and even if there were, I'm not the one who makes them. I can help, but you have to have patience. When the times right, I'll talk to Lena. I'll help her to open up to you, but right now, she can't. Just give her love, Matt, and keep telling her everything's going to be alright and it will be...for both of you."

Matt gave no answer, just sat in silence, still staring out the window. The sky was darkening, threatening rain. Kit hoped it would only be a small shower; he had work to do and he'd rather not be doing it in a storm. 

"I'm gonna go back to the barn...I'll see you there." Matt said. He'd been staying in the barn for the past couple of months. It was a place where he could have privacy and a shelter from the rain. Although people often believed that ghosts were unfeeling, this wasn't actually the case. They could still feel and be affected, could still cry and be hurt. They just couldn't be seen or felt by most living souls.

Kit nodded and watched Matt disappear into nothingness, as though he were some figment of Kit's imagination. When he first started to see ghosts, that's exactly what he thought they were. He thought he was going crazy.

Kit still remembered the day it all began; it was two week's after his mother's murder. He was just eight years old, starving and sick on the city streets, hanging in the void between life and death.

He remembered what had put him there, without food or shelter. He would never forget what his step-father had done.

*

His mother and Malcolm were arguing again. They argued every night. The shouting only stopped when his step-father hit his mother and Jeanette ran away to her bedroom and cried. Kit felt powerless to help her, though he'd tried many times and got himself a beating from Malc. His mother asked him not to get involved, told him he should hide and let mommy sort it out. 

So he'd hid. He sat in the darkness beneath the stairs, watching, waiting. His step-father lashed out, striking his mother across the face and sending her flying into the corner of the sideboard. She hit her head and cried out in pain. Kit wanted to run and help her, but fear froze him to the spot. 

What happened next was all a blur in his head. To begin with, the memory had been so clear, but after years of suppression, the edges of his memory had softened and Kit could only remember flashes of that night. 

He remembered his mother reaching out for the knife she'd been carving meat with just minutes before; he remembered his step-father grabbing the back of her head, slamming her cheek down onto the sideboard, telling her not to do anything stupid; his mother had yelped, closed her fingers around the hilt of the knife and swung it at him in desperation. Malc had laughed, pulled back on her hair and whispered something in her ear. 

His mother had darted a glance towards the stairs, where she knew Kit was hiding. She began to beg, her subtle French tones becoming more pronounced as she began to whimper. "Leave him alone, he hasn't done anything wrong...please Malc, just leave him out of it..." she'd begged.

He whispered once more into her ear and Jeanette began to cry. Her grip on the knife became slack and Malcolm seized it from her hand. Yanking back on her hair he told her she was his good little slut and threw her across the kitchen. Jeanette landed heavily on the tiled floor and sobbed. 

Turning his wild, drunken gaze to the hallway, Malcolm twirled the knife in his hand, making the blade glitter menacingly. His face was red and hungry, his eyes dark and wide, searching.

"Kristopher...Kristopher? Where are you?" he beckoned. "Come out and play son...I know you're hiding here somewhere..." Malcolm stepped out into the hallway as his mother screamed and ran at him.

"You bastard! You said you wouldn't hurt him!" she yelled. Jeanette was only a slender, small framed woman and Malcolm was six-foot-two, weighing nearly twenty stone, but the force of her attack sent him lurching into the wall. Kit heard the heavy thud as his weight hit the plaster and the pictures rattled against the wall. Malcolm roared.

Kit knew that this was his moment to run...that's why his mother had attacked, to divert Malc's attention. Without knowing how, Kit was at the front door, reaching up to the latch and yanking it open before he could even think about his actions. With a last terrified look behind him, he saw Malcolm shrug his mother off and charge up the hallway in pursuit of Kit's disappearing figure.

The next thing he remembered was hearing the front door slam shut, then Malcolm's outraged yells and his mother's screams; and then silence; terrible, ear shattering silence. Freezing in terror, Kit stared back at his house, his face white, his ears straining for another noise; a yell, a scream, anything to let him know his mother was alive. Nothing came.

He wasn't sure how many minutes passed before he heard the front door being opened. He saw Malcolm's huge figure blocking the light from the hallway and even from his positioning, Kit could see he was deathly pale. Kit lurched behind a neighbour's hedge and watched as his step-father scanned about in the darkness. 

"KRISTOPHER!" he yelled. "I will find you Kristopher, I swear it! There's no use in hiding!"

Kit stayed as still as he could, watching, not daring to breathe. After what seemed like hours, Malc climbed into his car and sped away. To his horror, Kit saw blood staining his step-fathers hands and clothes and knew then that his mother was dead.

Screaming in pain, Kit had ran...he never stopped running...he kept on and on, until finally he collapsed in some tall grass at a roadside. For two weeks he hid. He didn't want anyone to find him. He was so scared that if people found him, then Malc would find him too.

It was a week later, months for all Kit knew, that he came across a small farm on a hill, with a run down barn full of straw. He had no idea where he was, but he knew it was very late. The stars had been twinkling away at him for several hours now. He had to be very careful. 

Delirious from lack of food, having only had a slightly melted chocolate bar he had in his pocket and the remainders of a burger that he saw someone throw away, Kit crept up to the fence bordering their house and tapped lightly on the wood. He'd found somewhere like this before, but the owners kept dogs in the yard and Kit hadn't thought to check before he'd gone climbing over their fence. He wouldn't be making that mistake again. 

Luckily, no sounds came from within and more importantly, no dog's came to chase him away this time. Carefully, Kit climbed over the fence and tiptoed across the yard, being sure to keep to the shadows, in case the farm owners should happen to glance out their windows and see him. He snuck around the side of the barn, to where a pick-up was parked beside a row of stables. He wasn't as easily seen here. 

Slowly, he began to climb the stacks of straw, higher and higher until he was near the rafters of the barn. Exhaustion ripped him apart, but he knew, if he could just get up there, he'd be safe, at least for tonight. Gasping with exertion, Kit pulled himself up over the last bale of straw and collapsed on top of it, his legs still hanging over the edge.

He wanted to give up there, but he knew he couldn't. Pulling himself onto his hands and knee's, Kit crawled to the middle of the straw pile and groaned as he fell down, giving in to his exhaustion. He coughed, then wretched several times and curled up in a ball, clenching his empty stomach.

Numb from cold and aching with pain and hunger, Kit closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer to the gods, asking them to take him. He hoped he wouldn't wake up again, hoped he wouldn't have to face another day, reliving his memories; the shouting; the glitter of the knife in his step-father's hand; his mothers screams; and always, Malcolm's leering face in the darkness, always waiting, always searching for him.

And that's when it first happened. 

He heard soft breaths behind his head; his mothers soft voice as she sang. Lifting his head, Kit held his breath, unsure whether he was imagining things. He must be imagining things. 

But there, looking perfect and serene, sat Jeanette Alden, her rich dark hair tied neatly with dark blue ribbon, wearing her favourite pastel blue summer dress. She smiled as Kit stared, white faced at her, then continued with her lullaby.

"M-mama?" he croaked, tears burning his eyes. "Oh mama, I thought Malc had hurt you...I thought you were dead."

"He did, my darling, and yes, I am...but Malcolm...he's gone now...the policemen caught him days ago...he cannot hurt you anymore. Hey, hush, no tears." Jeanette said softly, running her delicate fingers through her son's messy, dirt caked hair.

Kit wiped his face with the back of his hand, feeling all his hunger and pain ebb away as his mother stroked his hair. Her fingers were so warm and soothing. There was no way she could be dead if she was here with him now and he told her so. "But mama...you can't be...you can't be dead...you're here...you can't go...I need you..." he rambled, reaching out to hug his mother, to make sure she wasn't just a figment of his starved mind. 

Jeanette kissed his head and held him close, trying not to get upset. "Kristopher." She whispered softly, wiping the tears from his face. "Listen my darling. Mama can't stay long."

"But..." he began.

Jeanette held her finger to his lips. "Hush. No questions. Ok?"

Kit nodded sadly. Jeanette smiled and dropped her finger from his mouth. She spoke soft and slow like she always did, her voice calming in itself. "I've been asked to give you a message Kit...a very important message. There are lots of people where I am...lots of people who are lost, who need you to help them Kristopher...they need you to show them how to get home."

"How mama? I can't help them..."

"Hush. You can. But to help them you must first help yourself Kristopher. You must live. You are a very special boy...the gods have chosen you to help them. You are their guardian angel Kit. Without you, they will never find their way to the other side...they will never be at peace."

"But I don't understand mama...how can I help them? I can't even see them...what can I do to help?"


A Brother's Love Ch. 02



"But you CAN see them...just open you eyes and open your heart...help them understand that death is not bad...it is rest...it is all part of life, my darling, and clinging to those we've lost will do no good. Everything has an ending Kristopher, just as every cloud has a silver lining..." She smiled warmly at him and Kit saw light pouring from her eyes. She looked like an angel. 

"Where will you go mama?" he asked weakly.

Jeanette smiled brightly and looked towards the sky. "Just as you will be their angel here on land, I will be their angel of the sky. I will watch over them, just as I will watch over you...I will always be around, even if you cannot see me." Jeanette looked towards the sky once more and nodded softly, as if to someone unseen. "Now, my darling, no more questions. I haven't long before I must go."

Kit swallowed hard and stared up into his mothers beautiful, glowing face. In all his life, she'd never looked so serene and happy. There were no cuts or bruises on her face or arms or legs; there was no fear in her eyes, just breathtaking, golden light; and strangely, it felt really good to know she was finally free, finally at peace within. 

"Now come, my darling, we have an appointment we must not miss." She said.

Kit furrowed his brow, not understanding her meaning and Jeanette laughed. "Come..." she stood up and held out her hand for him to take. She was warm to the touch, which surprised Kit. He'd always thought ghosts were cold.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"I want you to meet a friend of mine...someone who will help you understand what it is you must do."

"Why can't you stay and help instead?" he said, feeling strangely weightless as he began to climb down the straw bales. 

"Because I have work to do my darling...besides...my friend is much better acquainted with being dead than I...he will know exactly what it is you're to do."

Kit held his mothers hand and laughed as she began to skip by his side. The night air was cool and everything seemed light and suspended, as though it was all a strange dream. He hoped he wouldn't wake up.

Kit began to forget about everything and became captivated by his mother, twirling and skipping in the starlight. Jeanette danced like a ballerina. Her feet tapped and pattered on the stone beneath them, her arms and hands slicing the air like ribbons. Her hair glinted and swayed, her body leapt in unheard rhythms. 

Finally, as she began to slow, Kit's attention was diverted to the fence, now barely six feet in front of them. Specks of light like fireflies fluttered in the air, pulsing, and grouping together to form a strange, undetermined shape. Kit squinted, trying to make out their pattern.

"Mama...look..." He breathed.

"Hush." She whispered gently, still swaying left to right, her eyes closed and a smile lighting her face. "Think happy my darling...think of the sunset in the mountains...think of the squirrel in the garden at home...and of love...think of love above all else."

Kit did as his mother told him and thought. He focused on his mother, watching her face, thinking how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. She opened one eye and smiled at him, then let her gaze rove. "Look Kristopher...it's working...you're bringing him through."

"Bringing who..." Kit gasped as he turned to see what she was looking at. Where the fire flies had been just moments before, now stood a man...he a strong, worn-looking face and greying, hazel coloured hair. His eyes were almost black, yet somehow, it seemed like they were made of light, just like his mother's.

"Hello Kristopher" he said softly, offering his hand for Kit to shake. His voice was deep and soothing. It filled kits head with warm fuzz. "My name is Jonathan. I've been sent to help you on your new path."

Kit didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure he could speak. He reached out and shook the man's huge hand. "Hi." He muttered.

"I cannot stay, I'm so sorry...I would love to chat, but...the boss is calling and we must hurry." Jonathan smiled warmly. "I will be back in a few days Kit, when we will have much more time to talk. I just thought I should introduce myself before I start rudely popping in and out your life. Jeanette?"

Kit had absolutely no idea what this man was on about, but hearing that his mother was due to leave, he panicked and turned to her. He threw his arms around her waist and held tightly, not wanting to let her go.

"Eh, come now, my darling...do not fear...mama has to leave, is all...come...you my not feel it now, but you're very close to death my love and I cannot let that be." Jeanette took him by the hand and led him back across the yard. "However, I have such a clever boy...because of all the places he could have gone, Kristopher Alden managed to find a house lacking in children. You know why?"

Kit shook his head. "Because the nice people who live here cannot have children of their own. They would very much like to adopt a child...one in need of love and shelter and a warm bed to sleep in...and you, my darling, happen to be the most perfect child in the entire world."

His mother had led him to the front of the farm house, where wide wooden steps led up to a large veranda. Little purple and blue flowers were blossoming in pots outside. A straw mat lay in front of the screen door, bearing the words 'welcome home'. Although scared, Kit couldn't help but be reassured by his mothers smile.

"They will look after you, I promise...now...come and hold me, I must go..." she beckoned, her arms open as she knelt beside him.

"No mama, please..." Kit begged, clutching at her with all his might. Tears sprang to his eyes. Jeanette had to fight back her own, choking down her pain until she was gone.

"Yes, my love...I must..."

"Jeanette, we must leave now...there's no more time." Jonathan said from across the yard, his voice carrying across the silent air.

"Be good Kristopher..." Jeanette said, feeling her body go light. Kit gasped, seeing his mother becoming transparent in front of him, her body breaking up into little fleck's of blinding light. "Remember...life isn't always easy, my love, but it's the greatest of all adventures...it must be lived to the full!" she called. "I love you with all of my heart darling! Never forget!"

And with that, the light faded and she was gone.

Suddenly, all his exhaustion and hunger came flooding back. Kit saw spots of white appear in his vision as his knees buckled beneath him. Gasping, Kit fell to the floor with a heavy thud and began to wretch bile onto the veranda.

Lights came on beyond the screen door, though Kit was barely aware of any of it. 

"Who is it Bill? What's out there?" a woman's worried voice sounded faintly.

"I don't know. Stay there Maggie...Jesus Christ! It's a boy!" Bill gasped.

And that was how it had all begun.

*

Lena's first day at school went surprisingly better than she'd thought it would. She wanted to tell Kit that he had been right, that everything was ok, but he wasn't home when she got back from school.

She sat quietly in the kitchen, watching Maggie cook when she wasn't looking and pretending to read when she was. She wanted to help her bake; she'd loved it when her mom used to let her, but she didn't want to tell Maggie that. 

Maggie, of course, had already noticed Lena watching and knew she wasn't reading as she hadn't even turned a page of her book. 

"Hey little lady...I could really use a hand over here...I'm just no good at making cookies...think you could help me out?" Maggie asked, looking up just in time to catch the grin that had spread across Lena' face. Then she realised Maggie was watching and straightened herself out.

"I s'pose." She mumbled.

"Great! Go wash your hands then and come down when you're ready."

"Ok." Lena raced off upstairs to the bathroom, grinning to herself as she climbed the stairs. She tried not to show too much happiness in front of people. She didn't want them to think she'd forgotten her family, or that she was happy with where she was. Not that she was unhappy, it just wasn't her home. At least not the one she was used to, where she had her mother and father and Matt...

Taking care to wash between her fingers and under her nails, Lena then lathered the soap in her palms and watched as she rinsed her hands under the water. The soap bubbles trickled away down the plug hole. Her worries were like that sometimes...just seeming to trickle away. She laughed to herself and turned, searching for the towel.

"I wish I knew what you were laughing at."

Lena froze and spun round, almost screaming when she saw her brother standing behind her. She stood wide eyed, unable to speak, staring up at him. Her brother's face mirrored her own.

"Matt..." She breathed.

"Y-you can...you can see me?" he stuttered. 

Lena nodded. "Am I not meant to?" she said dumbly. Of course she wasn't meant to! Her brother was dead!

"No! I mean, yes!" Matt's face broke out into a grin and his eyes sparkled with laughter. "Touch me!" he demanded. 

Lena still wasn't sure whether to laugh or scream. Trembling, she reached out her wet fingers and touched his outstretched hand. She leapt back in surprise. Not only could she touch him, he was warm! And yet...he didn't feel quite solid...but almost. Gulping hard, she stepped forward and touched him again, this time letting her fingers feel him properly. She couldn't quite name what it was that felt different, just that he felt...softer somehow...

"M-matt...what's going on?" She asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Have I gone mad or something?"

"No, not at all kiddo!" he grinned. "You are one-hundred percent as abnormal as you always were!" He laughed, brimming with so much happiness that Lena couldn't help but grin with him. Before long, they were both laughing and hugging each other and Matt was leaning down, letting her touch him and play with his hair, making sure he really was real.

Then suddenly--

"Lena? Are you alright in there?" Maggie's voice through the door. 

They both froze.

"Er, yeah...um, I'll be out in a minute!" Lena called. 

"Riiight...I'll...see you down stairs, then?" Maggie said, sounding disbelieving.

"Ok!"

Lena and Matt stood looking at each other, listening as Maggie's footsteps slowly faded. 

"Why are you here?" Lena asked, still unable to believe her own eyes.

"That's the thing! I've been here all along. But for some reason you just didn't know it! It's been driving me insane! But then Kit..." Matt paused, unsure if he should mention Kit, as that was something complicated to explain. He wasn't sure if Kit wanted her to know at all, but then he hadn't said so, so maybe he didn't mind. He quickly decided, that for now, at least, he wasn't going to mention it. 

"What about Kit?" she asked. 

"Nothing...take too long to explain now. Just...you've gotta keep smiling, ok? Keep being happy and you'll be able to see me. Will you do that for me kiddo?" 

Lena beamed to hear him call her 'kiddo' and nodded eagerly.

Matt grinned and ruffled her hair. "You're the best. Now go...show Maggie how good you are at making cookies before she thinks you've gone mad, talking to yourself in the bathroom."

"Can no-one see you but me?" she asked, pausing as she turned to leave.

"Pretty much." Matt said. "Don't tell anyone ok? Our secret?"

Lena nodded. "Our secret."

She grinned once more, blew him a playful kiss which he caught and clasped to his heart as he always did and then left the bathroom.

Downstairs, she smiled as she came to Maggie's side in the kitchen, seeing how she'd weighed out flour, sugar and butter ready. She'd got a whole load of other ingredients stacked out near Lena, so that she could decide what flavour and decorations she wanted for them.

"So what flavour are you going for?" Maggie asked.

"Mmm...what do you like?"

"Oo...I like peanut butter. So does Bill." Maggie replied, smiling.

"Me too. But I like raisins too..." Lena said.

"Kit likes the raisins ones best...he likes them with cinnamon too...saying that, Kit just likes cookies in general." 

Maggie and Lena both laughed. Maggie grinned down at her and winked. "Good to see you're smiling."

"It feel's good to." Lena replied.

Turning back to the cookies, Maggie leaned over and pulled the raisins and peanut butter towards her. "I say...half and half?"

"Sounds perfect." Lena grinned. 



A Brother's Love Ch. 03



(May 18th 2000)

The new year of 2000 had come and gone without remark, full of the usual laughter, dancing and drunken cheering that always led them into a brand new January. The millennium bug didn't wipe them all out as the media had feared, computer systems went unaffected, the world didn't end at the stroke of midnight and life continued to pass by as it always had. 

But life on the Howard's farm was somehow different. 

The first week of January, Bill collapsed unexpectedly whilst working and Kit, Maggie and Lena -- And Matt too - frantically raced him to the hospital, fearing the worst. "Just a stroke," the doctor said. "Best if he doesn't over-exert himself from now on."

He'd been given a special diet and care plan to avoid any more heart problems in the future, and Maggie had given him very strict orders not to go straining himself on the farm. Kit and Lena took over the day-today chores and Lena put her foster-father's health problems to the corner of her mind for the time being.

For something else had struck her heart, something which overrode every other rational thought in her mind. She came to realise that she loved Kit and not only loved him, but was in-love with him and needed him like she'd seen Maggie need Bill when he'd had his stroke. 

She'd sat beside her foster-father's bedside back then, listening to Maggie cry and watching her grasp Bill's hand with fierce ferocity, as if, silently, she was telling him to hold on. And Lena had looked at Kit - her dear, sweet foster-brother -- and imagined that it was her crying and him lying there in that hospital bed; and tears welled, sharp and sudden, in her eyes and she cried with all her heart, because she knew she could never lose him; it would kill her, body and soul, to not have him in her life. She loved him more than life; so much it burnt at her heart and loins and she ached every minute she wasn't wrapped up in his arms.

And to add to her worries, Matt had been acting strangely with her lately. He was so distant, so quiet and sullen all the time. He often went wondering out by himself for long hours and sometimes seemed irritated by her presence. He didn't seem quite the Matt he'd once been somehow, all smiles and joking around; now he was pensive, moody and bleak, as if he took little pleasure from the world. And what was more was that he seemed to resent her, deep down, but why was a different matter and Lena could only guess.

But that wasn't all...the last year of school had, unavoidably, come to an end and everyone around her suddenly seemed to be asking the same damn questions...have you decided on which college you're going to? Have you enrolled yet? What do you want to do there? What do you want to do when you leave? Better hurry and make a decision...you're cutting it fine, you won't get a place at this rate...

It was driving her mad! 

Lena sighed to herself and emptied a barrow-load of clean straw into the last of the Howard's four stables, the one which belonged to her own horse, Archie. She'd been mucking out now for nearly two hours, which was double the amount of time it usually took her. But Lena hadn't noticed much, lost in her tangled thoughts as she was.

The truth was, she didn't want to go to college, at least not yet. She'd just spent the last thirteen years at school, why on earth did everyone want her to go rushing back? All Lena wanted was to stay here, in the one place she loved more than anything else, with the people she loved more than anyone else...what did college matter anyway, when she knew she'd grow up and grow old in the farm life she lived now? 

She'd never liked school anyway and didn't see how college would be any different...all the girls would still be airhead's, without a care for anything that was outside the realms of their plasticized, beautified, social lives...and as for the guys...jeez! Lena was seriously starting to think they could think of nothing but their dicks! Even the one's she liked at school, the one's she considered friends, drove her crazy with their snide remarks and childish comments about her small boobs or gangly legs. It was infuriating at the best of times...but mostly, it just made her feel ugly and alone. 

Still, she'd left now, hadn't she? She knew she'd done well in her exams and was looking forward to spending the summer at home, doing farm work and helping Kit and Bill convert the old barn...the only problem was that she didn't know how to tell them that... 

She knew that given time, Bill and Maggie would accept it, though they'd be disappointed; she knew that when it came down to it, they'd want whatever made her happy and if that meant not going to college just yet, so be it. 

As for Kit, well...she wasn't sure how he'd react; she was so uncertain of him these days, that she never knew where she stood from one moment to the next. He wouldn't shout -- he never did -- but it wasn't that she was scared of; it was his disappointment; she was scared of failing him more than anyone else, even though he was the one who asked the least of her. Still, she knew he'd be alright too, if it made her happy.

But it was, of course, Matt, her presently dreary and short-fused brother that would be the problem...she knew he'd be livid when he found out and she was sure he'd end up loosing his temper. Still, it was her choice and she wasn't going to let anyone else make it for her...if he didn't like it, then that was his problem...she just hoped he'd come around in the end and not vanish on her like he did last time they fell out...

She cringed just thinking about it; see, for those of you who haven't guessed yet, Matt wasn't exactly...well, alive...he was a ghost, who could only been seen by a very few, gifted people...Lena wasn't gifted in that sense, but the fact that she and Matt had been touching when he died, meant that their souls had somehow fused; this meant that Matt was unable to pass on to 'the other world' until she died too and she was constantly being haunted by his ghost, which, though generally useful and reassuring, sometimes had its disadvantages...

This time last year, just before summer break, she and her friend Luke had been 'experimenting' after school...they were alone and Luke had asked if she'd show him her boobs. She'd blushed at first and knew she should say no, but her curiosity got the better of her. She agreed that she would, as long as he showed her his penis. 

So there they were; Luke was sat in the front seat of his car, his flies open and his pants pulled down a little so that she could see the long, soft, pinky coloured flesh that hung there. Lena had expected something a little different, something more exciting, but a deal was a deal and so she unbuttoned her top to his waiting gaze. As she slowly slipped off her shirt, unclipping her little bra so that he could get a proper look, she was amazed to find that his penis was stirring...it was growing thicker and longer by the second.

"Er...um...s-sorry..." Luke blushed, his scrawny cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. "It's just..." he swallowed hard and turned away, trying to hide his erection from her eyes. 

Lena had been fascinated. Her eyes were wide and disbelieving, fixed on his now throbbing, purple head. "No...don't...I mean...I don't mind...really." 

Luke gave her a surprised look. "You don't?" Lena shook her head eagerly and Luke laughed shyly, turning slowly back to face her.

"C-can I...touch it?" she asked.

She thought Luke might choke. His brown eyes went wide behind his dark rimmed glasses and he took a big gulp of air. "Yes" he breathed nervously. 

Lena tentatively stretched out her hand, brushing her fingers very lightly across his cock head. It bobbed wildly and Luke let out a low groan. He seemed to like that, so she did it again. "Ohhhh...maaan...." Luke breathed. "Lena, you're the best..."

Lena blushed and smiled. Luke stared at her with an expression more intense than she ever thought him capable of. It made her feel uncomfortable, like a dog being judged at Crufts.

"Lick your fingers..." Luke whispered, his voice a husky growl which left no room for refusal. Lena did as she was told and slowly licked each finger, taking each one into her mouth and coating it with her saliva. 

Luke's eyes were fixed on her mouth, his eyes dark and glazed; he looked strange to her; like a stranger she had no desire to meet. She lowered her gaze to her wet fingers. 

"Wrap them round my cock." He told her, answering the question which was forming in her head; what now?

Lena nervously wrapped her fingers around his hard, hot length, and was just able to rest her thumb on the tip of her index finger. She was surprised at how solid it felt, when just minutes ago it had laid limp and squishy against his thigh. It seemed unreal somehow; too large for the body it was attached to.

"Now slide your hand up and down..." He wrapped his fingers round hers and began to move her hand, up and down, up and down, like a piston. Luke groaned deeply and threw his head back against the driver-seat headrest. His free hand darted to her exposed breast and quickly found the nipple. He rolled it between his thumb and index finger, then pinched it hard. Lena yelped. Luke groaned even louder.

It felt good to touch him like this, to be able to make him moan and Lena couldn't help but moan herself. Luke seemed to like the sound and soon had his free hand wrapped in her hair, pulling her face towards his dick. Lena wasn't sure what he wanted, but moved closer anyway, her face resting inches from his wet shaft.

"Faster Lena...oh yeahhh...that's it...ugh ugh...oh baby..." Luke rasped. His cock head was now just inches from her face, making wet 'thwack, thwack' noises as she moved her hand up and down; Lena could smell the pungent smell of it, see the clear liquid oozing from its tip, even feel the heat of it on her face. "Suck it." Luke suddenly demanded, his voice a raspy bark.

"What?!" Lena gasped.

"Suck it! Put it in your mouth slut!" He demanded. Lena couldn't believe her friend was talking to her this way. She didn't like it...She wanted to pull away. But Luke's hand was firm on the back of her head, preventing her escape. Part of her was scared now; she was going somewhere she'd never been before...part of her wanted to turn and run while she still could...and yet part of her, the part which usually got her into trouble, was insisting that she carry on.

Nervously, she flicked out her tongue and tasted the sticky liquid oozing from his cock. It was sweet and salty. It left a coating on her lips, like treacle would, so that she could still taste it long after she'd swallowed. 

Luke gasped. "Ohhh...that's it baby...Suck my cock...You're such a fucking tease Lena..." He told her, getting more intense by the second. "Oh fuck yeah..." he moaned huskily.

Lena's mouth fell open at being called a tease and before she knew what was happening, Luke had jerked his hips and shoved his cock right down into her throat, making her gag. For a few moments, she tried to push him away, feeling the size of him hurting her mouth. But then she relaxed and it began to feel strangely good. 

"Little slut...I'm gonna fuck your face Lena...I'm gonna come in your sweet little mouth and all over your tits...oh yes! Suck me slut!"

Not knowing what else to do, Lena just wrapped her mouth around him, trying to lick the underside of his cock as he slid in and out, but Luke seemed unaware of her efforts. He began to slam in and out of her mouth, both hands now on the back of her head, keeping her in place as he fucked her face. Lena didn't know what to do and wasn't sure she could move to do it even if she did know.

"Oh fuck! Yeah! I'm cumming baby! Yeah...yeahhh...oh yeahhhhhhhhh!" Luke screamed and with that he unloaded a great wad of sticky, hot fluid into her throat, which she tried her best to swallow, but some began to drip down her chin. 

As Luke let her head go, she pulled away gagging, dazed and confused, and it was only then that she noticed a figure glaring at her from the back seat. It was a figure only she could see...a figure with brown hair and angry blue eyes; her big brother Matt. Then in a flash, he was gone.

When she'd got home later that night, the first person she'd seen was Kit. He was sitting out on the veranda, his dark hair blowing gently in the breeze, while the sky grew steadily darker around him. He was quiet, not giving her the tranquil smile he usually gave her when she arrived home and not meeting her eyes; Lena's stomach lurched; she suddenly wanted to run away and hide. Kit's whole body seemed tense, his arms folded tightly across his chest and as she grew nearer, she could swear his eyes seemed glazed, as though he was drunk, but he wouldn't look her in the eye, so she was never sure. Without meeting her tear-filled gaze, he stood to his full six feet in front of her.

"Matt's waiting for you in the barn." He said quietly, then turned and left her standing there on the veranda, feeling dirty and alone. 

The argument which followed was the worse her and Matt had ever had, before or since, and consisted largely of Matt shouting at her, calling her horrible names, while Lena just cried and said sorry. Then he'd disappeared and didn't return for the rest of the night.

He'd forgiven her in the end, or at least forgotten anyway, but the memory of it still made her cringe and curl up inside. But what haunted her more was the disappointment in Kit's eyes when she'd arrived home; she'd never forget that; the way he couldn't look at her, as though she was something he found sickening.

Shivering, feeling the familiar lurch and coil inside her belly every time she remembered, Lena finished laying new straw down and rested the fork against the stable wall. She stretched her back a little, jutting her breast's out and then bent to pick up Archie's water bucket. 

A shadow fell across her back and she turned.

Behind her, resting one arm on the open stable door, Kit's tall, lean figure stood silhouetted by the sun, smiling serenely at her with those surreal blue-grey eyes.

"Hi..." She said, smiling shyly as she stood up straight, her belly fluttering in a way which made her feel uncomfortable, as though Kit could see straight into her mind and know what she was thinking and feeling. 

"Hey...I was worried about you." He said, staring deeply into her eyes. "Thought that brute of a horse might have hurt you." 

"Who, Archie?" Lena laughed softly, picking the water bucket up from the floor. "He'd never do such a thing."

"I hope not...otherwise he's got me to answer to." Kit replied with a tender smile. 

Lena stepped towards him and Kit opened the stable door so that she could pass. Outside, she bent and tipped the horse's unused water down the drain, unaware that Kit's eyes were on her the whole time. 

After rinsing and refilling the bucket, she wandered over to the main paddock and fetched her reluctant horse back from his grazing, leaving Kit where he was, quite used to her routine. When she returned, he was standing in the same spot, one hand holding the stable door open, whilst the other held the horse's feed bucket. 

"Thanks." Lena smiled gratefully and led Archie into his stall. After she'd unclipped his lead rope, Kit dropped the feed bucket on the floor inside the stable and waited for Lena to leave before bolting the door behind her. 

"Where's Matt?" She asked quietly, standing by his side as they absently watched the horse tucking into his evening meal.

"Walking the heights," Kit told her, adding, "He left about ten minutes ago." 

Lena nodded an acknowledgement. In way, she was glad that he wasn't around; her thoughts were dark tonight and she didn't want to talk with him; she knew they most likely end up fighting.

Sighing lightly, she rested her arms on the stable door. The familiar champ-champ-champ of Archie eating his food comforted her and sent her thoughts drifting. 

Her body ached with the need to shout out her feelings. Not just her feelings about college and her future, but her deeper, darker, more heartfelt feelings; the sort that chewed away at her insides all day and night, not giving her any rest. But how could she tell Kit how she felt about him? There was so much to say, so much she'd buried deep own inside herself...she wasn't even sure that she wanted to tell him. It would change everything, maybe even turn him away from her; she couldn't face that. She didn't want to see that look in his eyes; that ashamed and disgusted look which made her feel so desperately alone.

Yet what other choice was there? If she didn't tell him, she knew it would destroy her. She couldn't stand it any longer; the lie's, the fluttering in her belly every time he was near, the way she couldn't stand him touching her because it made her feel so weak and defenceless. She felt like a big fraud and hated it.

"Hey dreamer...where have you drifted off to?" Kit asked softly, nudging her gently with his elbow. "You seem like you've got a lot going on in that head of yours..." his voice was tender and concerned. Lena looked up into his eyes and crumbled. He was so handsome, so kind and gentle...

"Wanna talk?" He asked with a tender smile.

Lena burst into tears.

She didn't know where it had come from or why now; it was as though a tidal wave had suddenly broken forth over her world and her heart was suddenly water-logged with sorrow.

Kit caught her up in his arms as though she had fallen; maybe I am falling, Lena thought; it feels just like it. She was suddenly afraid to hit the ground.

But then he was holding her and her fear dissolved. She rested her damp cheek against his chest, feeling his heart beat heavily. He smelt like hay and wood smoke; of cinnamon and sweat; of warmth and leather; he smelt like Kit and it reassured her.

He rested a hand against the small of her back, holding her body to his, her slenderness dominated by his tall, strong frame; his other hand was at her neck, gently caressing her with long, thin fingers. 

Lena sniffed and brushed away her tears, willing herself to stop crying. "I'm sorry...I don't know what I'm doing..." she sobbed.

"Shh...don't say sorry..." Kit whispered in her ear, holding her a little tighter. 

They stood in comfortable silence, listening to the wind rustling the trees and the occasional sound of a horse far off. Lena felt so safe in his arms, as though the world around them didn't exist; nothing could reach her in his arms. 

Gentle fingers reached to touch her face. Kit stroked his thumb across her cheek, wiping away a tear, and looked down into her eyes. His face was pained, as though it hurt him to see her cry.

"What's wrong Le?" he asked. 

Lena sniffed and wouldn't meet his gaze. "It's noth-" she began.

Kit cut across her. "Don't lie to me..." He said softly. "Don't tell me it's nothing...you've barely said two sentences to me all week...have I done something wrong?"

"No!" Lena gasped, horrified to think that she'd upset him. "It's just..." She sighed and pulled away from him, wanting so much to tell him the truth. But she couldn't; no matter how hard she tried, the words just wouldn't come. "I just can't Kit..." she sighed sadly, feeling tears threatening to overtake her again. She turned her back so she couldn't see him.

Kit didn't reply; he couldn't force her to tell him if she didn't want to. He just so wished he could help. It felt like years since he'd seen her smile, truly smile, like she used to. And she'd become so shut off from them all, from Matt, from Bill and Maggie...from him. 

Kit stared helplessly at the slim, dignified pose of her back. She'd been acting so strange of late; she barely spoke to anyone around her. It was like she'd somehow vacated their home and all that was left was a sad and silent image of what Lena was. Other times she was edgy; pulling away form him when he went to touch her, suddenly leaving the house without any explanation, disappearing without a backward glance as if there were demons on her tail. 




A Brother's Love Ch. 03



She'd once been so at ease in his company, so happy and relaxed, where as now she barely looked at him when she spoke; when she did, she looked so strong and fierce, but her eyes were full of pain and he was sure that at any moment she might break apart in front of him. 

Matt was having it worse than anyone; his persistent questions and worry were met with sudden bursts of anger and frustration; sometimes Kit would be downstairs with Bill and Maggie and Lena would be upstairs - alone as far as their foster parents were concerned -- and suddenly there was an outburst of "Leave me alone! You don't know what you're talking about! You act like you always know what's right for me and you don't! Go to hell!" 

Bill and Maggie would dart worried glances at each other and Kit would promptly cover for her -- "On the phone...teenager's, eh?" - And they'd shake their heads, laugh a little and go back to whatever they were doing. 

She seemed so desperately alone. It worried Kit; he hadn't seen her like this since she'd first arrived in their home as a twelve year old orphan, just weeks after loosing her family in a horrific car crash. He couldn't bare her silence, her distance from him; he couldn't bare the idea that something might be troubling her so much that she couldn't talk to him about it.

Here and now, he didn't know what to say; seeing her break down like this confirmed what he already knew; something was seriously wrong; Lena rarely cried and when she did, she never broke, not like this. Kit slowly reached his right hand towards her; he brushed his fingers across her soft shoulder and down her arm, coming to rest at her elbow. He took a step towards her, stopping so that his body was inches from hers. He could smell the fresh smell of her hair; shampoo and hay; he could feel the sweet warmth of her skin; soft and silky beneath his touch. He placed his left hand on her other arm, gently so that she wouldn't feel trapped.

Lena turned her head slightly. He caught the glimmer of fresh tears in her eyes, reflecting the dying sun like small, heaven-sent lights. Then she looked away again and all he could see was her back. 

"Lena...whatever it is...it's not as bad as it seems...you can tell me." He said softly.

Lena trembled, her mind racing with confused thoughts. The gentle pressure of his fingers on her skin was both maddening and reassuring. She knew she had to tell him the truth; she simply had to; it was now or never.

"I never...I never meant for this..." she said, her voice weak and strained. "I don't want you to hate me Kit..."

Kit frowned, instinctively closing his fingers on her arm. "You could never make me hate you Lena...no matter what you do or what you say...I promise..." 

Lena hoped that was true, but she knew that Kit wasn't, in a million years, expecting her to say what she was about to say and because of that, how could he honestly say what he would feel about her after?

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves, her pain and confusion. She felt like she was saying a final goodbye to her best friend and yet there was nothing she could do to stop it. She wanted to cling to him, to never him go, but she knew that it was no use; sooner or later he would leave her, disgusted that she could hide such secrets from him and for so long. 

But it had to be done; the longer it was left, the worse things would get and the worse he would think of her when he was gone.

She took another breath, brushed away her tears with cold, trembling fingers and finally turned to face him. 

"Kit...I..." 

There was a scuff of boots coming across the yard and they both turned towards the sound, faces pale. Bill was walking across the yard towards them, dressed in his dirty blue overalls and steel toe caps. His chestnut-grey hair shimmered like copper and chrome in the sunlight and his podgy face was dirty with sweat and sawdust. A mismatched little collie dog was bouncing around at his heels, drawing his attention from Kit and Lena.

Kit stepped a little closer to his foster-sister, desperate not to be disturbed right now. But Bill wasn't to know that and he continued to come closer. 

"Lena...please..." Kit whispered, pushing a lock of hair back from her lowered face. He lifted her chin, forcing her gaze to his. Words caught in his throat as he stared down into her sparkling green eyes. "Tell me what's wrong..."

Bill's voice grew louder -- "get off me you silly animal!" he laughed softly -- then he was barely metre's away from them and Lena still hadn't spoken, hadn't said what she so desperately needed to say. She held Kit's intense, unwavering gaze, felt a single tear trickle down her cheek and turned away.

"There you are, slacker...we've got a conversion to finish before winter, you know lad? Or had you forgotten?" Bill said sarcastically, his aged face alight with a grin. 

Kit's eyes never left Lena's face, frozen on her as though nothing else existed. 

"Lena...please..."

Bill had the horrible feeling he'd just walked in on something private. His foster-son's face was taut and unreadable, his blue-grey eyes turned black in the shadow of the stables. His foster-daughter was silent, turned away from them as she so often was of late, her face completely hidden by the sweep of her golden-brown hair. "Is everything alright?" he asked.

Kit turned his face to Bill, nodded once, and turned back. Bill looked at Lena for confirmation, but she didn't move. There was a moment's silence before she answered, very softly; "Of course it is..." her face turned to Kit a fraction, her eyes still hidden from view. "You best go...help Bill..." she whispered.

"Look, I'll see you over there, eh?" Bill said, moving away uncomfortably.

Kit barely noticed. "Lena..." he repeated her name, barely breathing it into the evening breeze. He reached to touch her and she pulled away.

"Don't keep Bill waiting..." She said. Kit didn't move, his hand still poised to touch her, the hurt obvious in his face. She hardened, feeling tears welling in her eyes again. She was so angry with herself. "Go!" she snapped desperately. "Please!"

Kit tensed, stung. 

At that moment, a shrill cry rang out in Kit's head and for a moment he felt as though he was being pulled from this world. It was a cry he knew only he could hear, for Lena didn't move, didn't change her expression at all, but stood silent, fixed, shut away. Kit shut his eyes, saw a flash of a young girl in pretty yellow dress and shook his head to clear it. 

When he opened them again, Lena hadn't moved and neither had he. He snatched his hand away, seemingly startled to find it still poised there, reaching to touch her. Then he swallowed hard and strode away.

Lena turned into the shadows, her body stiff. With tears flowing fast, she bowed her head and listened to Kit leave.

*

"That should do us for one night lad...Maggie'll be calling us for dinner soon." 

Bill's voice seemed oddly loud in the silence, a silence which was odd in itself. Kit's head snapped up to meet his gaze and it unnerved Bill to see how weary his foster-son looked.

"Sorry Bill...what did you say?" he asked, his voice a little strained.

Bill frowned slightly, his soft gaze searching Kit's face. He was always so unreadable, so subtle in his actions, that it was hard to say exactly what Kit was feeling at any one point. But in the cool glow of the work room lights, there was no mistaking the shadows beneath his eyes, eyes that were once so bright, now tired and full of sorrow.

"What's bothering you son?" Bill asked softly. "Has something happened with you and Lena?"

Kit sighed and rubbed a dirty hand across his face, smearing a bit of paint across his cheek unknowingly. He looked so worn for twenty-six years and it wasn't just because he'd done a hard day's graft. "I don't know Bill..." he answered. He gave a sad sigh. "She won't tell me what's wrong."

"So something was up, after all..." Bill acknowledged, nodding slowly. He took a bracing breath and shook his head, then reached for a rag to wipe his paint-covered hands on.

"I just don't know what to do...how can I help her if she won't tell me what's wrong?" Kit asked, his usually calm and gentle voice taking on an edge of sharpness. "I feel likes it's me...like I've done something wrong...and all I want to do is make it right again, but I just don't know how..."

"Well..." Bill sighed, dropping the rag back onto the work bench. He moved to Kit's side, folding his arms across his chest. "I can't say I was ever much good with advice lad...Mag's was always better with that sort of thing than me...but I can tell you something for sure..." he continued, turning his steady gaze to his foster-son. "Five years ago, a little girl moved into this house, a girl much like our Lena...you remember?"

Kit could still see the pale emptiness of her young face, the deep and desperate look in her eyes, both fierce and needing all at once. He could see that little girl, that twelve-year-old Lena as though she was standing before him now and though his heart ached for her pain, he couldn't help but smile, because he loved her regardless. 

"How could I forget..." he said softly.

"Exactly, lad...but I think you are forgetting..." Bill replied.

Kit frowned suddenly, unsure of what the older man was trying to say. "I don't...understand..." 

"Do you remember how quiet and withdrawn she was? How she used to sit at the window by herself for hours, just staring out...she'd never sit with us as a family...she wouldn't talk to me at all and Maggie could only get the odd word out of her...I started to think we'd taken on more than we could handle..."

Kit stared into his foster-father's worn face and saw that his eyes were shadowed with the same regretful look he'd worn nearly five years ago; the last time Bill had voiced his helplessness in the situation, had been just six long months after Lena's arrival and Kit had never seen him look so broken as then. 

"She was so hurt lad...so determined to fight it all on her own. We asked you the same question you asked me tonight...'What more can we do if she wont let us help?'...you remember lad?" Bill questioned, eyebrows raised and gaze gentle.

"Yes..." Kit replied, thinking back to the night when he, Bill and Maggie had been sat together in the kitchen eating dinner, Lena having politely refused to come and eat with them once more. Bill and Maggie were discussing what to do, what they could possibly do to stop Lena acting the way she was. Kit was angered at the tone in their voices, a hollowness, like they'd already given up hope. 

"And d'you remember what you said?" Bill asked quietly. 

Kit shook his head, but he knew he hadn't been very forgiving that night and had said some things which, though perfectly true, could have been phrased in a kinder way. 

"You said 'how can you give in on her so easy? Six months, that's all it's been...she's still grieving for her dead family, her whole worlds been torn apart! You're the only hope she's got and look at you...you've given up...'" Bill cut off, staring down at the floor. He seemed to lose himself for a moment before raising his gaze and continuing with more clarity in his voice. "That's what you said lad...'you've given up...but I'm not going to. I'm going to stick with her, because I know she's worth the fight.' I've never forgot those words."

"I'm sorry Bill...I never meant to..." Kit began, but his foster-father held up a hand to silence him.

"No lad..." Bill said, shaking his head softly. "I'm not reminding you because I want your apologies; I'm just saying...if you want some advice, don't give up on her. She not the same little girl she was back then...but she's still worth the fight, lad, every heart-breaking minute of it."

There was a silence after Bill had said his piece, in which the older man stared at Kit and Kit stared at a knot in the wooden work bench. The truth of his words seemed to linger in the air, resounding like the echo of a bell and Kit knew that he was right; he couldn't give in on Lena, he had to fight to keep her, even if she pushed him away; he knew that's what she wanted, even if she was too proud and stubborn to admit it.

There was a soft knock on the work room door and moment's later, Maggie's head appeared from the shadows of the yard. The two men both turned to face her and she smiled brightly, her face red from the warmth of the kitchen and the blazing fire which, Kit knew, would be awaiting their return. 

"Dinner's ready when you want it." Maggie said, dusting her hands on her apron and glancing round the work room. She nodded towards the row of five doors lined up against the work room wall, which had spent the day being sanded and painted. "You managed to get them all done then?" she asked.

Bill patted Kit's shoulder once, both reassuring him and ending their conversation. "We did that...they'll be ready for putting in tomorrow." He told her, but Kit zoned out. A soft, child-like cry was whispering at the back of his head. He saw again a flash of a little girl and a pretty yellow dress before it was gone once more and Kit was back in the workshop, watching Bill leave to wash his hands outside.

Maggie turned to Kit, her face alight and rosy. "You alright love?" she asked brightly.

Kit managed to give her a smile and stood up. "Yeah...just fine Mags..." he said. He knew it wasn't truth, but what he felt wasn't the thing that mattered right now. What mattered was talking to Lena, really talking to her, and not bolting at the first sign of rejection as he'd been doing so much of late.

"You going to come and have some dinner with us love?" Maggie asked.

"Not just yet...sorry Mags, but there's something I've got to do first." Kit answered, rubbing his hands down the front of his jeans to try and remove some of the paint smears from his fingers.

Maggie looked at him questioningly but Kit didn't want to burden her with the thoughts in his head. He met her at the door and flicked the light switch on the wall, so that the room was suddenly engulfed in darkness. Kit held the door open for Maggie and they both stepped out into the yard. 

"I'll put you some food aside for when you're ready then, ok?" she told him.

Kit smiled. "That'd be great...thanks." Maggie had already turned and left by the time Kit thought to ask. "Hey, have you seen Lena lately?"

Maggie paused and turned back to face him. "Gone walking..." she called, rolling her eyes, unseen in the darkness. "God knows where to at this hour, but...well, you know our Lena..." Then she turned and carried on across the yard and into the house.

*

The wind was picking up as Kit walked across the wide, familiar countryside to the west of their home, heading across the moors and to the forest beyond. If he knew Lena as well as he thought he did then he knew exactly where to find her; a mile or so across country was a great, jagged spine of rocks nestled in the deep, wilds of the forest. The largest of these great boulders, the one which overlooked the road leading to the local town and the civilisation beyond, they'd named 'The Watch Tower'. The three of them -- Lena, Matt and Kit -- would often lie up there on lazy summer days, watching hours roll by without a single care. It suddenly seemed so long ago now. He knew though, somehow, that this was where Lena would head to. 

The moonlight drifted in patches across the moor, lighting Kit's way through the night. There had been little rain for days and the ground was firm beneath his feet. He could smell the wood smoke drifting from the Howard's farm and heard the faint stirrings of nocturnal wildlife; the scream of a vixen from far off, the occasional call of a nightjar and one solitary hoot of an owl.

He'd spent more than half of his life admiring the dramatic beauty of the moors and tree's around his home, but tonight he barely spared it a glance and instead, allowed his feet to carry him along the familiar path. The wind lashed at his exposed neck and pierced it's way beneath his thin jumper, bringing the hair on the back of his neck to a stand.

He came to a stream with a small, simple bridge crossing to the foot of a large hill. Kit paused, looking up to the crest of the hill, where a single, majestic oak tree stood sentinel on the horizon. It's branches were high and wide, and it stood proud and alone, a single tree to announce the presence of the forest beyond the hill. From the point beneath it's bough's you could see across the Howard's whole estate, so the man stood beneath the tree would have seen him approaching from far off.

Matt's face was pale in the moonlight, his usually bright eyes turned to dark hollows by the shadow of his hair. Even from this distance, Kit could see his taut, bunched up shoulders and clenched fists; he could almost feel the anger radiating off him. Kit knew immediately, by some strange instinct, that Matt and Lena had been fighting again.

With a sense of resignation, Kit made his way up the hill towards Matt and found himself walking straight into a storm.

"Did you know about this?!" Matt demanded fiercely, the moment Kit came within ten feet. 

"About what?" Kit asked, his voice tired but patient, his gaze steady on Matt's thin face. His figure had a translucent quality in the moonlight and he kept flickering faintly, almost imperceptibly, as if struggling to maintain hold of his bodily form. 

"It's Lena!" Matt growled, his teeth clenching as he spat his little sister's name. 

His ferocity, when provoked, was something Kit had become quite accustomed to over the years; it was a trait Lena sometimes shared with him and, usually, only with him. It amazed Kit how two siblings, who were usually so close and loving, could be so brutally savage to each other at times. Once the fight was over, however, Lena would shrink back into her beautiful, delicate self, obviously pained to have fought with her brother; Matt, on the other hand, could stay angry for hours, days, even weeks after they'd argued. 

His voice cut into Kit's distant mind. "She said she's not going to college! Did you know?!" Matt demanded, glaring at him with intensity.

Kit frowned, surprised. Lena hadn't mentioned anything about college...and if that's what she'd been so upset about earlier in the day, then why on earth did she think he'd hate her for that? Surely she didn't think he would. She knew him better, he was sure. He knew in his gut that something else was up; something Lena wouldn't tell him, let alone Matt; something that had nothing to do with college...

"Kit!" Matt growled impatiently.

"No, I didn't know..." Kit answered. He turned his gaze to Matt, his brow creased severely in thought. "Did you ask her why?"

Matt laughed sarcastically. "Because she doesn't want to, simple as that! You know Lena! She doesn't need a reason to be stubborn!" he shouted. Matt made to slam his fist into the tree of the great oak, but stopped himself short. The fight seemed to seep from him, making his arms limp. Matt shook his head, turning his face away to darkened sky. "I can't believe her...what's she thinking? She's so clever Kit...and she's gonna throw it away. If mom and dad knew..." He turned suddenly, striding twenty paces before stopping again. Kit saw his moonlit silhouette bring an arm up to wipe his face and knew that Matt was brushing away angry tears.

Kit quietly made his way over, coming to a stop at Matt's side. He mirrored the younger man's stance and stared up at the dark sky, saving Matt the embarrassment of being seen crying.

"She'll have her reasons..." he said softly. "Though whether she'll ever admit them is another thing..." he added to himself. He sighed softly, felt eyes on him and turned, feeling it was safe to finally meet Matt's questioning gaze. "Let me talk to her, ok? I might be able to figure out what's going on with her..." Kit said.




A Brother's Love Ch. 03



Matt thought for a moment before nodding, seeming to be subdued. He looked absently towards the stars, frowning fiercely with dark, sparkling eyes. "She's on the watch tower..." he said, then adding softly, ashamedly; "I left her crying there." 

Kit prickled slightly as if pinched, but didn't say anything because it wasn't his place to; Matt was Lena's brother, after all; their arguments were their own. Besides, Lena could stand up for herself perfectly well, he knew. 

"Don't worry Matt...she'll be alright, I promise you that."

Matt didn't answer and when he finally spoke it was simply to say "I think I need to get some space...on my own...just for tonight..." he shut his eyes briefly, clenching his fists once more and a grimace passed across his features. "I'll see you tomorrow Kit." 

There was a sudden breeze then, unnatural in its movement, and within moments, Matt had gained in translucency, until he was little more than fireflies of light in the dark night air. Then he vanished altogether and Kit stood alone in the darkness, looking down from the crown of that oak-capped hill, onto the deep, dense forest that lay below.

*

Lena stood looking out across that same stretch of tree's, her gaze trained back towards the Howard's farm, observing her world like a princess from a locked tower. The forest was an impenetrable blanket of shadow across the moor and the only lights she could see were faint sparkles of firelight from houses far off and the flash of cold, white moonlight across the black trees.

She shivered slightly in the mounting breeze, her golden hair flickering around her face like dancing cobras, her knuckles clenched, bone white, at her sides. Beneath her feet, the vast silence of The Watch Tower slept like a great, ancient beast, her presence on its back unnoticed, her pain unfelt.

Her shoes had been cast aside in a fit of madness and her feet were exposed to the raw, cool surface of rock and its smattering's of tree-matter; crushed remains of chestnut shells and crisp brown leaves, bit's of bark and twig, nibbled here and there by squirrels and such.

But she, like Kit, took no pleasure in the forest and view around her; tonight the aching in her heart seemed so bad she felt like she'd been blinded by it. And so suddenly it had struck her, she thought...it seemed like such a short time - barely weeks, perhaps months -- had passed since she'd looked into his smiling eyes and felt, for the first time, that deep, longing need in her heart; that need to be completed, that need to love this man more deeply than she'd ever loved a single being before, and to never be parted from him again. Her whole world had collapsed under the knowledge that it couldn't be so; that he would never hold her in the same light as she held him.

The tears on her cheeks had long since gone cold and Lena hadn't a thought to wipe them away; what was the point in hiding? And yet, she thought, I do. All day, every day, I hide away, inside myself. She didn't need words to deceive; every time his finger reached to touch and she pulled away as if she didn't want it, she was lying; every time he asked her questions, like 'you okay?' or 'what are you thinking?' or 'what did you dream?' she lied in her answers; every time she smiled or laughed she felt like she was lying! She felt mad with it!

And then there was Matt; dear, irritating, blunt-edged Matt. He always picked the best of times to goad her, didn't he? And she, of course, had let him get to her and blurted all that stuff about not going to college putting it in such a way as to really get Matt provoked. She'd succeeded too. She'd been so childish about it; being stubborn, not listening to him and laughing derisively every time he'd tried to be reasonable. WHY?! Why had she done it? She didn't want to make Matt angry! She didn't want to tell him about college, not until the right time! So why had she? Was she really going crazy?

Oh hell, I even threw my shoes at him, didn't I? She groaned to herself. I'm insane...I must be.

Lena knew it was getting late and that she should head home, but the silent beauty of the moonlit forest enthralled her like a spell. She could sit for hours up on the watch tower, just watching the breeze. The stars glittered above her in a breathtaking display of beauty and solitude, indifferent to the world below. Lena felt rather like a star, though perhaps a dying one, she thought; the loneliness, the endless space, the silence.

But there wasn't silence. 

A faint sound of footsteps was drawing closer from somewhere to her right. Someone was coming down the forest path and Lena had no desire to meet whoever it was, whether friend or foe.

She quickly abandoned the idea of finding her shoes and climbed down the smooth, steep slope of the watch tower, making barely a sound. 

When she reached the path, Lena knew she couldn't follow the normal route back to the farm, for that's where the footstep's approached from. She thought about trying cut through the trees, but knew she'd most likely get lost and that wasn't something you wanted to do late at night. She decided there was only one route she could take; she'd cut round the back of the forest and rejoin the main path about half a mile from home, right next to Oak Hill and the stream.

Darting into the deep forest shadows and away from view, Lena began her long and barefooted trip home, wondering once again if she was losing her mind.

*

Kit heard not a sound and reached the slope which led up to the watchtower's peak. He barely had to climb twenty feet when he realised Lena wasn't there. He could see every inch of the rock's high, smooth surface and no inch of his foster-sister's beloved form.

He was puzzled. He'd felt so certain that she'd be here, watching over their world like the angel he knew she was. But she was not, it appeared, anywhere here. Kit wondered where else she could possibly be at this time of night; no stores were open, the forest was too dark to negotiate and all her friends lived miles away from here.

The only other thing he could think was that she was lurking around the farm somewhere - hiding in the stables with Archie perhaps -- and that he hadn't met her en-route because she'd taken the longer path home...or maybe she was currently taking the long path home and she'd be arriving at the farm sometime shortly. Kit wasn't sure what to do for the best.

He climbed up to the top of the watchtower and stood looking out over the dark, night-blacked forest and the distant town, the moonlight breathing its white mist across his view. It was a cool, peaceful night, the sort that makes you feel non-existent against the sheer magnitude of its silence. On a night like this, Kit could almost feel the Otherside beside him, like a human presence. He could feel it within, that great whispering caress at the back of his conscious, a reminder of his duty to the Otherside and his promise to his mother.

As if drawn by his thoughts, the whisper in his head began to increase in volume and at that same moment, little sparks of light began to gather and dance in the air beside him. Kit watched them distantly, barely noting their slightly blue-ish tinge before returning his gaze to the forest.

The figure materialised slowly beside him, taking longer than Matt or another earth-bound-spirit would, for this particular ghost wasn't coming from some place on earth; he was coming from a much greater distance by far and was struggling a little, due to the dark thoughts in Kit's mind.

A minute passed before he finally managed to gather form and look at Kit with slight exasperation. "Thanks for the help," Jonathon grumbled sarcastically in his long, smooth voice. 

Kit gave the familiar, black-eyed face a weary half-grin and turned away. Jonathon stood beside him, arms crossed lightly behind his back, eyes staring out into the distance with Kit's, his hazel-grey hair blowing lightly. 

"Troubled mind?" he asked.

"Hmm...you could say that..." Kit replied in a mutter.

"Well, never mind...you can think about that later..." Jonathon said bracingly. "I've got some work for you to do."

"A little girl in a yellow dress?" Kit asked, his voice hinting at resentment. 

"I'm afraid so...she died earlier this evening...she's been drifting round her home in Kent ever since and she's very distressed." Jonathon told him with a sigh. "I'm sorry Kristopher..." he added sincerely. "I know how hard all this is for you."

"I know you do Jon." Kit said with an appreciative smile. "It hard to understand sometimes, that's all...I mean, why did that little girl die tonight? Why did matt die and Lena's parents? I understand that people have to die sometime, but...its never that easy...it always seems so unfair..."

"I'm afraid that idea will never leave you as long as you still have the power of thought. It's the curse of loving, Kit...when you stop aching for the dead, you have become them; you are dead, not bodily, but heart and soul. It is good to feel pain Kit...don't resent it."

"It's not my pain I resent. It's that of those who die and those who are left behind wishing." Kit replied softly.

A moments silence passed before Jonathon spoke; "You really are your mother's son." He said tenderly. Then he held his hands open, palms up, in a gesture of welcome and said soberly; "Come now Kristopher. We have a little girl in need of our guidance..." 

*** 



A Brother's Love Ch. 04



May 18th, 2000

The two men stood, eyes turned up towards the well-kept façade of the large foursquare house. No lights were visible behind the closed curtains and, despite the neatly kept exterior and welcoming touches to the veranda, there was as an air of desolation all around them. 

The youngest of the two men let out a long-held breath and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. His eyes, a curious blue-grey in colour, darted to the man beside him. 

The older man shimmered slightly, still attached to the Other Realm, unable to enter this world as a fully formed being. In his own realm, he was powerful and wise, able to travel anywhere he chose with the smallest of thoughts. In his own realm, he was known as Kharon. In ancient Greece they had wrote legends about him.

To Kit he was just known as Jonathan; but he meant more than any legend could; he was a friend, a tutor and something of a father too. 

When travelling with Jonathan, Kit lost the solidity of his living form. It was as though they travelled on another plane of existence, hopping from place to place in something of a dreamlike state. They went unnoticed by passing eyes, moving freely through the world at Jonathan's whim, heading to wherever there was a soul that needed help passing over into the Other Realm. His body felt insubstantial as they moved and Kit too, for those moments, felt what it was to be a ghost.

Jonathan arched an eyebrow and turned to look at Kit's hunched form, as they stood in the unseasonably cool air.

"Can you feel her?" he asked.

Kit nodded. Somewhere near the back of the house, he could feel a tremor in the air. It was a subtle feeling, almost indescribable; like the feeling left behind when a car passes you on the street; or the hush after a pebble falls into a still pond. Kit was attuned to the subtle feeling the dead gave off that signified their presence. 

"Yeah. She's wound up pretty tight though. I don't think she's going to appreciate our little welcoming party." His voice was grim. He wasn't in the right mind for this, not after his earlier conversation with Lena. He already felt confused.

"I'm sure your enthusiastic demeanour will work wonders on her, Kristopher," Jonathan said sarcastically, a twinkle in his eye. "Come." 

With careful footsteps, he and Jonathan followed the tremor around to the back of the house. Kit heard her sobs before he saw her. She was small and her dress, once so bright and flawless, was a little dirty and crumpled around the hem. She sat huddled into one corner of the porch, holding her knees to her body as she hid her face and cried. 

She looked up when she felt them approach and glared at Kit with large brown eyes. She sniffed, tucking her legs in tighter, and moved her eyes to Jonathan. 

"Who are you?" she asked, distrust written all over her tiny face. "I don't know you!"

Jonathan hung back while Kit took a tentative step towards the porch. "No, you don't me," he said softly, trying to keep his voice soothing and light. "My name's Kristopher Alden, but people call me Kit. This is my friend Jonathan."

Kit offered a small smile but the girl just glared. 

"What do you want?" she asked, her eyes fiercer still. 

Kit swallowed and took another step closer, right to the edge of the porch. "I want to help you. What's your name?"

The little girl scowled, her eyes darting across the worn wood of the porch as if measuring the space between them. "Julia." she whispered. She glanced at the rear door to her home and hugged her knees tight. Her face was a mask of pain and anger when she turned it back on Kit. "But you can't help!" she cried. "So leave me alone!"

"I know you're scared, Julia. Things aren't making any sense right now...but if you let me, I can make things okay. I promise I can help you understand." Kit took a chance and climbed the two steps up to the porch, where the girl sat just metres away.

But it was a step too far and she balked. 

With fear and anger making the energy crackle on her skin, the little spirit stood and stumbled for the door of her home. She tried to grab the handle but it passed straight through her hand. Kit stood mutely still, not wanting to scare her any further but it was already too late. She turned around to face him, her eyes wide with terror, but Kit could tell that her fear was mostly towards herself and what had happened to her.

"Julia...please...it's okay..." Kit tried to soothe her but she just backed further away, her insubstantial form sinking through the closed door of her home. 

"Go away!" She yelled. "Leave me alone!"

There was a quiver in the air around them and Kit braced himself just in time; as the little girl's fear peaked and her anger flared, she unleashed a ball of energy in Kit's direction. It hit him squarely in the chest and Kit felt the breath leave him. He stumbled back from the force of it, although he'd felt much worse from young ghosts, and fell to the soft grass beneath the porch. The ball of energy jarred him to his bones and licked across each inch of his skin, warm and full of static. 

Jonathan was hovering over him when he opened his eyes and his fingers tingled. He sat up, blinking the fuzz from his head.

"Remind me again why it can't be you who does the talking?" Kit said, rubbing his chest.

"You know why Kristopher. Young spirits are volatile. They're usually so confused they won't listen to anyone, least of all the ancient ferryman telling them "you're dead, but don't panic". It has to be you...you have the gift...to reason, to calm...you are the stepping stone between the living and the dead. That is why you 'do the talking'" 

Kit cocked an eyebrow at Jonathan, having heard the old spirits words a hundred times. "Still kinda sucks though" he muttered.

Jonathan only looked amused.

The two men walked away from the neat house with it's desolate air and angry little spirit hiding away inside, knowing they had gone as far as they could for one day; until the little girl was ready for answers, they couldn't do much more. 

At least she knows we're here now, Kit thought, his hands back in his pocket and his collar pulled up against the cool night air. She knows there's someone out there who can help.

It made him think longingly of Lena and how he wished he could do the same for her; it seemed no matter how many times he tried with her, she was never ready to open up. She always left him feeling so helpless; pushing him away, shutting him out. He could get through to her once, when she was young and she was that messed up little kid, lost without her family. Things were different now; she was always so determined to fight her battles on her own.

"Has the thought ever crossed your mind..." Jonathan broke into Kit's reverie, making his head snap up. "...to tell the girl...?"

"Tell her...?" Kit repeated, confused. 

The older mans gaze was intense. "Lena...tell her...you're in love with her..."

"Wh-I don't....I'm not...'in love' with her" Kit said, the words barely more that a mumble.

Jonathan laughed and raised an eyebrow. "No?"

Kit frowned, dropping his gaze once more. "No. No, I mean...I love her, of course...she's, well, she's..." 

A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth as he thought about all the things Lena meant to him. 

"She's fierce, you know? So stubborn and determined to do things her way...you can talk to the moon and back but she wont change her mind if it's set. And she's loyal...careful too, for the most part..." Kit tried not to think about the few mistakes she'd made. It made a knot twist in his stomach. "But behind that fierce little shell of hers...she's so gentle...so beautiful and sweet..." 

Kit stared deeply into his memories, recalling the way she'd slept for three nights beside the sick body of their old piebald mare, Gypsy, when the horse fell sick with fever; she'd barely left the horses side, except when forced to go to school. Another time, when she was fourteen, she'd come home with blood running down her legs and arms and a good knock on the head from where she'd fallen from a tree, trying to rescue their closest neighbours cat. 

He thought about the way she smiled; sometimes that big, heart-aching grin that made his breath catch; and sometimes, just sometimes, she'd look at him across a room, or over her shoulder and he'd catch that slow, sweet smile of hers, so tender, like she was telling him a secret; a smile just for him. He could feel the way she fit so perfectly in his arms; he could feel the size and shape of her body as though it were an extension of his own. If he closed his eyes, he could even smell the sweet fragrance of her hair and skin; shampoo and horses and something distinctly Lena - like honeysuckle or jasmine on a warm summer day.

But then he thought of how all that had seemed so distant from him lately and his chest ached with loss.

"I just wish I knew what's wrong with her. I wish she would talk to me," Kit sighed miserably.

Jonathan was quiet and still, never one to rush his thoughts or words. His dark eyes twinkled as he considered Kit for a long minute. "You are a smart and remarkably intuitive boy, Kristopher Alden." He said eventually. Kit looked up at his mentors praise, but frowned slightly, wondering where Jonathan was leading. "Since you were a small boy, you have never ceased to amaze me how much strength and patience you show, even when faced with problems that appear to have no solution." Jonathan cocked an eyebrow and turned to Kit so that his intense eyes - dark, yet so full of light and depth - met Kit's in an unshrinking glare. "However...when it comes to that girl...you are so incredibly blind, it is only a matter of time before you fall and break your neck."

Kit stared, a little shocked. "I don't..." he began.

Jonathan's voice held a note of severity, something Kit had rarely heard from the man. "You tell yourself that what you feel for her is all the result of simple, platonic concern...that you love her as though she were a good friend or a sister...and yet, tell me my young friend..." Stepping closer, Jonathan lowered his voice to a softer, almost musing tone. "How many times a day does the thought of her fill your head?"

Kit could feel Jonathans eyes assessing him, but somehow he knew his mentor wasn't really looking for an answer. But Kit didn't have to speak; Jonathan knew that every one of Kit's waking minute's were spent with Lena in his head; her smile, her laugh, her smell, her blush, the shape of her eyes and their deep blue depths; he never stopped thinking about her.

"And what of the girls who covet you? Why do you turn them away?" Jonathan asked.

"Because I have no interest in them," Kit answered, defensiveness colouring his tone. 

And because they're not her.

The thought charged through his mind but he pushed it away with well practised tenacity. Too late. Jonathans eyes sparkled with something akin to triumph. 

"She is everything to you. You would move heaven and earth to make her smile, to have her say your name or feel her in your arms. No other girl compares to her, no?"

Kit felt his cheeks begin to heat as he struggled to form words of denial. But he couldn't. It was all true.

"What's your point Jonathan?" Kit finally bit out, anger bubbling in him unexpectedly.

"My 'point', Kristopher, is that, yes, you love her...but the sooner you admit you're in love with her too, the better for you both."

"I am not in love with her!" Kit growled, his voice rising.

Jonathan turned on him so quickly, Kit almost staggered back. The older man's eyes were unsettling now, devoid of the calm tranquillity that Jonathan usually exuded; they were black spheres in his eternally preserved face; his grey brows were pulled down into a formidable frown and his mouth was a grim line. Kit had never, ever, seen Jonathan look so severe.

"You're a fool, Kristopher!" he barked, stepping close to Kit's face. "Why do you deny it?!"

Kit's voice was a murmur when he answered. "There's nothing to deny."

Jonathan's voice was little more than a whisper now but Kit caught every word. "No? You tell me you never looked at her in a way you thought you shouldn't? Never stared a little too long at an exposed waist or neck?" Kit refused to answer but Jonathan didn't relent. "Never dreamt about how soft those lips might be? How sweet it would be to kiss her? Never imagined how those legs would feel wrapped around your body as you moved inside her? Never wanted to run your fingers through her hair, your lips along her jaw, or down that sweet little neck? Never wanted to hear her moan your name while you..."

"Yes, okay! Yes!" Kit finally broke as image after image flashed through his head. "All the damn time! But I'm not supposed to! I'm the one that's meant to look after her, to keep her away from all that! I'm meant to protect her from all the pain and the hurt! She's had enough of that!"

Jonathans eyes softened he placed a hand on Kit's heaving shoulder as the young man tried to calm his racing heart. 

"She's not as fragile as you think Kristopher. You've protected her for so long, but now you're both keeping secrets from each other and all I see is you growing further and further apart. It's time to tell her the truth and let her decide for herself whether she need's protecting."

***

It was nearing ten when Kit arrived home. Jonathan had parted company with him under the apple tree out in the yard. Kit had watched his solid form fade and disperse into a thousand little lights, his mind in a state of shock. He felt numbness creeping in on him as he watched the last of the lights fade into the night. 

I'm in love with Lena. 

The thought churned up so many emotions in him that it made his head ache. He rubbed a hand across his eyes and walked slowly across the yard and up the front steps to his home. He paused on the veranda, taking a deep breath to steady the shakiness that had filled him since he'd shouted his confession at Jonathan.

He opened the door and stepped inside, feeling the warmth and smells from the nearby kitchen relax him a little. He slid his coat from his shoulders and was hanging it on a hook in the hall when Maggie appeared at his side; her face was taut with worry and a faded tea towel was clenched and knotted in the fingers of one hand.

Something was wrong and Kit's immediate thought was of Bill and the stroke he'd had back in January.

"What's happened Maggie? Is it Bill? Where is he?" Kit asked in a panic. 

Maggie shook her head. "No, no..." she smiled quickly as a way of reassurance but it wasn't her usual smile, that made her eyes crinkle and her cheeks glow. "It's not Bill...he's here, everyone's fine. Come and sit down, son," she said weakly, her warm, gentle fingers on his arm.

Kits mind raced in panic, knowing instinctually that something bad was coming. 

As he entered the kitchen, he saw Bill sitting at the four-seat breakfast table, wearing a frown and slowing drinking a mug of something hot. His gaze was levelled on one particular page of a newsprint and he didn't look up when Kit entered the room.

Taking the seat opposite, Kit lowered himself into the chair with bated breath, waiting for the bad news to come. Maggie sat between the two men and rested her arms on the table. for a moment the only sound was Bill sipping from his mug.

"Is someone going to tell me what's wrong?" Kit finally asked.

Bill lifted his eyes. He took a breath and wiped the frown from his face with one big hand and pushed the newsprint across the table with the other. Kit looked down, realising the paper was open on one specific article; there was a black and white photograph, slightly grainy in appearance, and a caption beside it in large, bold print;

CONVICTED MURDERER RELEASED

Malcolm Reed, 54, has today been released on bail. Reed, who pleaded guilty to the murder of his girlfriend and mother of one, Jeanette Alden, refused to make comment on his release. However, his lawyer, Louis Chapman, gave us the following statement; " Mr Reed has proven to the staff and inmates of the New Jersey State Prison that he is a calm and respectful man, who always strives to work hard. He maintains that it was never his intention to harm Miss Alden and that the situation he was faced with became unmanageable and unfortunately, Miss Alden was mortally injured. He looks forward to his impending release and being reunited with family." Reed, at that time, told the court of how Jeanette Alden was unstable and had threatened him with a knife after he'd spent an afternoon in the pub with friends. In his attempt to abstract the weapon from her hand, there was a tussle and Reed found the knife impaled in his girlfriends chest. He told the court that in his shocked state, he'd removed the knife and tried to give her CPR...

Kit had to stop reading. He felt as though he was going to be sick or pass out. He stared numbly at the picture of Malcolm Reed, the face that had haunted him for more than two decades; the face of the man that murdered his mother in a drunken rage and felt cold fear creep through his veins. He knew his mothers death had been no accident. Malcolm had intended to hurt her; her always did. He would have hurt Kit too if he had found him...

His last memories of the man replayed over and over in his mind; the night his mother had died trying to protect Kit from Malcolm's drunken violence. She had been so scared. 

*

He had her by the hair, her face pressed into the worktop. She was sobbing as she clutched the knife and swung it towards him. He grabbed her, whispered in her ear, something about hurting Kit, he knew. She'd dropped the knife. Malcom seized it, his face full of drunken hate. He'd dropped Jeanette. He was coming to find Kit, the blade glinting...

Kit had ran, out into the night, into the safety of the dark. 

Malcolm was furious. He'd turned back, back to Jeanette. Kit didn't see what happened next, but he heard the screams. And then silence. Terrible silence. 

Kit had been too afraid to move, trembling with shock at the thought of his mother being dead. 

But Malcolm's hulking figure had appeared in the light of the doorway. His drunken gaze lurched through the dark night, trying to locate Kit; the last words Kit had ever heard him speak rang in his head; "I will find you Kristopher! There's no use in hiding!"

*

Cold panic clutched at his heart and Kit found it hard to think straight. 

How had had his world seemed right for so long? For a while, a few short years it seemed, Kit had almost forgotten that Malcolm existed and would one day be released. The world was not right; it felt completely wrong.

"Now, don't get worked up about this, alright?" Bill was saying reasonably, fixing him with sombre eyes. "I thought you should know...but that doesn't mean to say the man's going to be thrown back onto the street. That's not how it's done these days is it? It says in that paper he's been released on bail...that means the police will be keeping a close watch on him and..."

"Where's Lena?" Kit asked suddenly, realising why everything felt so wrong. It was quiet. Too quiet.

Bill and Maggie exchanged a look, somewhere halfway between surprise and worry. 

"You haven't been with her?" Bill asked.

"We thought she was with you," Maggie said.

Kit was up and moving towards the hall before she'd finished her sentence. Maggie called after him, chairs scraping on the floor as she and Bill made to follow him. 

"Kit, calm down. Don't you go rushing out there!" Maggie said, hurrying into the hallway behind him. 

Kit pulled his coat from the hook and turned to face her. He put a hand on her warm cheek and tried to smile, to give her reassurance. 

"It's fine, Mags. I'll just feel better if she's home." He told her.





A Brother's Love Ch. 04



He looked over Maggie's shoulder to Bill, who gave him a silent nod. His look was knowing; he wouldn't try and stop Kit. 

"Want some company, son?" he asked, but they both knew Kit would refuse. 

He needed time alone, needed to feel the cold air biting his cheeks. His heart was pounding from the revelations of the past hour; the surge of energy from the girl in the yellow dress that had knocked him off his feet; his heated talk with Jonathan that had led to him admitting he was in love with Lena; and now Malcolm's release from prison. He couldn't wrap his head around it all. All he wanted was to wrap himself around the one person that made him feel sane and forget his troubles, just for tonight.

But where was she? Where was Lena?

Taking a torch from the little shelf near the door, Kit pulled up his collar and set out into the night.



A Brother's Love Ch. 05



18th May 2000

A mile or so from the Howard's farm

Stupid.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Lena bit down on her lip to stop herself from crying. She brushed the hair back from her face with a muddy hand and took a deep breath. The tree's either side of her were so dark and they blocked the light of the moon from reaching the little dirt path where she sat.

She was aware of her own stubbornness and how it got her into trouble more often than not, but as she looked around at her situation, she felt this might be pushing a new limit. 

She and Matt had fought again. Well, nothing new there. They were always fighting just lately. It had been her fault this time too. She'd wanted to take out her upset on someone and goading Matt was just so easy; he always took the bait and got all riled up. Then she'd told him she wasn't going to college and he'd really flipped. He'd shouted and called her names; she'd called him names in return; she'd even thrown her shoes at him; then he'd disappeared into nothing in that infuriating way only ghosts could. She hadn't seen him since.

She'd sat up on the smooth surface of the great, rocky mound they'd dubbed 'the watchtower' and felt the pang of his absence after he'd gone. She didn't want to be alone; she wasn't sure why she kept attacking the people closest to her. All she knew was that when they were there, it was somehow worse; having them close and still feeling so alone made her heart ache so badly that all she wanted to do was push them away.

She was sure Kit had come looking for her; she'd heard footsteps coming towards her, closing in on her little hideout up there on the watchtower. A sense of panic had overcome her and she'd bolted, not even reasonable enough to find her shoes before running away.

So now she sat, cold and barefoot on the side of the little dirt path, one ankle starting to swell from where she'd fallen over a tree root in the dark. She could hardly see a thing around her, just limbs of tree's and shadows that loomed and shifted in her vision. She wasn't scared; she didn't think there was anything in the night that could hurt her, but she was cold and sore and she wasn't sure how she was going to get home.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

She looked down at her bare feet, pale shapes in the darkness and was thankful it hadn't rained recently; the ground was dirty and she was certain her clothes were pretty filthy, but at least there wasn't too much mud and she was dry. 

In an attempt to stand, she shuffled herself a little to the left and managed to grab hold of small tree trunk. She gripped it tightly with one hand and used the other to push herself up from the floor. She swore quietly and bit down on her lip again as the touched her foot to the ground. Pain shot up through her calf and Lena winced, digging her nails into the tree. She took a deep breath and looked around, trying to see in the darkness.

She wasn't too far from home, she knew that much, but the moonlight wasn't lighting up the little path as well as she'd hoped, blocked behind the tree canopies, and Lena wasn't sure how much further she could go with only one fully functioning leg.

"Well, you've got to do something, Lena." she told herself quietly. She'd got herself into this mess after all and she needed to harden up if she was going to get herself out again.

She reached for the nearest limb of a tree and tested it's strength. Then, leaning her weight on it for support, she carefully took a step. The pain was sharp but not unbearable, so she tried again, and again, shuffling forward in slow, painful steps. 

Her breath was soon coming in short gasps, the effort of it more than she'd anticipated. The pain in her ankle was itching to make her yelp. It was getting really cold out too, the weather in Maine at a low for the season. Lena, without a coat on, shivered and her fingers began to numb.

She reached for the next tree limb, but a flash in the distance distracted her and she slipped, jarring her ankle painfully as she stumbled and fell to the ground. She missed smacking her head on a tree by a few inches.

"Shit!" She hissed, screwing her eyes up tight and pressed her hands into the dirt where she'd fallen. She could feel tears well in her eyes, but refused to let them out. With some effort, she pushed herself upright and dusted off her hands, then raised her eyes to where she'd seen the flash. 

It was then she heard footsteps too; the unmistakable sound of someone slowly making their way along a forest path; all rustles and crunches. She held her breath, instinct telling her to be still.

"Lena? Lena, where are you?" Kit's voice was calling her name and nothing had ever sounded so good. She saw the flashes then and knew he must be carrying a torch; the light weaved and flashed, coming closer.

Lena's voice still caught in her throat, so relieved to see him, so desperate to run away, even now. 

Her sense eventually won out and she spoke softly into the night. "I'm here, Kit. I'm right here."

***

Kit flashed the torch in the direction of her voice and his footsteps stilled as he took in the sight of her. She was crumbled on the ground, her legs bent at the knee in front of her, showing naked, dirty feet and what looked like a swollen ankle; her face was turned towards him, pale in the torchlight and though she squinted against the bright light, he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. Her hair was messy, as though she'd ran her fingers through it a thousand times, and there was dirt on her cheek, her knees, her hands and her feet. Some small part of him was annoyed that she left the house without a coat; how many times had he told her not to do that? How many times had she told him not to worry, that she'd be fine? 

Stubborn.

He lowered the torch and met her gaze. His heart broke as he saw the look she held. He knelt beside her and removed his coat, draping it around her shoulders without saying a thing. He didn't trust himself to speak. There was so much he wanted to say, so many things he should have been saying to her all along.

Instead, he pushed the hair from her face with careful fingers and held her gaze in his, unconsciously wiping away the dirt that was trying to impair her beautiful face. His thumb traced her bottom lip; it trembled beneath his touch. 

Her voice was small when she spoke; "I tripped over a tree root...I think I twisted my ankle and then I fell and..." the tears welled in her eyes once more and she swallowed hard, pushing them back.

Kit took her in his arms, carefully pulling her body into his lap and held her tight. She felt small when he held her, like she was born to curl up into a ball in his arms and stay there forever. Holding her felt so right.

He kissed the top of her head and let the silence stretch out. He wanted to ask if she was okay, but it was a stupid question. He wanted to ask if she could walk at all, but he didn't want her to try; he'd carry her home. He looked down at her body, tight against his chest and asked the only question he could think of that made any sense;

"Lena...where are your shoes?"

Lena groaned and buried her face in his chest. "I threw them at Matt's head." she said, her voice muffled by his body. Kit burst out laughing. She looked up at him, frowning in mock insult and poked him in the ribs. "He was being completely unreasonable!" 

Kit grinned down at her. "And I'm sure you were the embodiment of rational thought, Le."

She looked a little sheepish, her eyes dropping, but poked him in the ribs again, harder this time. Kit flinched at the sensation, but some part of him wanted her to put her cool fingers back on his chest, to touch him in anyway she saw fit. He was suddenly aware of the soft feel of her body, nestled in his lap; the way her left breast was pressed against his chest, the soft warmth of her ass pressed against his crotch. Her head sat just beneath his chin and he could smell her scent; shampoo, Lena and damp earth.

He absently ran a hand down her hair, brushing his fingers against her back. He swallowed hard, trying to push his thoughts away. 

Not now Kit. 

"C'mon. Let's get you home." He said eventually, handing her the flashlight. "You can guide the way."

"Yes, sir!" 

Kit hoisted her into his arms and Lena snuggled into his chest. She aimed the torch light on the path ahead as they moved off. They were barely two minutes from home so Kit knew there wasn't time to even begin to say the things he wanted to say so he kept quiet, trying his best just to focus on the task in hand and not the feel of her body or the way her breath sometimes tickled against his neck.

They had followed the path out of the stretch of dark trees and onto the bordering land when the silence between them was broken by Lena's quiet voice.

She was staring up at him, her expression unreadable to Kit as she spoke. "I don't know what I would have done without you Kit." Her voice was a whisper in the silent air.

Kit smiled loosely and gave as much of a shrug as he could manage whilst holding her in his arms. "It's nothing Le. Maggie and Bill would have raised the entire population of Maine if you hadn't returned by twelve, you know that. You wouldn't have been left out there all night."

Lena just frowned. 

"No, I meant...not just tonight. You've always been there for me. Things were really hard when mom and dad died and the whole thing with Matt and...I just mean..." She took a breath and closed her eyes. Her smile was weak but genuine when she opened them on him again. "Thank you."

Kit looked down at her, his brows furrowed. His throat felt suddenly dry and he didn't know what to say. 

"You're welcome," he whispered. 

They reached the bordering fence to the farm, the one that enclosed the yard. Kit stared at Lena, wanting to say more, so much more, but he saw movement across the yard and couldn't say what he needed to say. 

Light spilled out onto the veranda as the front door to their house was opened and Bill came stalking down the front steps. Maggie's figure hung back in the light of the door, pulling her cardigan tighter around her body to fend off the chill. 

"Heaven above, what have you done to yourself my girl?!" Bill called out, rushing to open the gate to let them inside the yard.

Lena smiled to show she was okay. "Don't worry, old man," she said affectionately. "I just fell. It'll be fine in the morning."

Bill grumbled under his breath. He pulled the gate wide enough to allow them to enter.

Kit glared down at her, his eyebrow raised as if to say "You think so, huh?"

"Well, it'll be fine sometime soon, anyway," she conceded quietly.

"Yeah, well, fine it may be but 'til I hear the same thing from the doctor's mouth you better consider yourself bed-bound my girl." Bill stated.

Lena rolled her eyes but didn't argue.

Kit carried her across the yard and up the veranda steps. Maggie fussed over them both a little and Bill immediately phoned for a doctor, despite Lena's protests. Kit left the three of them downstairs, Lena now situated in an armchair with blankets and mugs of tea and coffee being forced upon her.

He took off his boots and climbed the stairs to the first floor, flicking on the light as he went. Bill and Maggie had a room at the very top of the house, on the floor above Kit, with it's own en-suite and beautiful views of the land around them, while he and Lena shared the first floor. 

Kit made his way down the hall, right to the very end, where his bedroom had been for as long as he could remember. When Lena had arrived, she'd chosen the room opposite his. She liked to have him close when she had bad dreams and cried out, which was common back then.

He entered his own room, pushing away the thought of her as the vulnerable, scared teenager she'd been; those thoughts only made him feel even more guilty and confused about his other feelings for her; this new realisation that he was in love with her, that he wanted her in a way he was disgraced to admit.

Shit.

How could he tell her? 

Kit sat down on the edge of his bed and buried his head in his hands. His brain was working overtime, churning up thoughts and spewing them out in a cacophony that made Kit's ears ring. 

Jonathan made it sound so easy but Kit didn't even know how to begin unravelling the mess of feelings he had inside. And what would she say, really? "Oh, Kit, I'm so happy! Let's get married tomorrow!"

Of course not. 

Did he even want to marry her? He had to think about it. It wasn't like they could just fool around a bit and if things didn't work out then, hey, no worries, they could just stay mates or go their separate ways...it would change their entire relationship. Nothing would ever be the same again. So he had to be serious about it, had to be so careful not to lead her on or make her...

God, she'd look so pretty in white...he could imagine her with flowers in her hair, wearing a sleek white gown, a smile on her face as she made her vows. And he wanted, so much, to be the one to put that ring on her finger, to make sure she knew every day how beautiful and precious she was to him. 

Fuck. 

Kit groaned and fell back against his bed, his hands still pressed to his face, covering his eyes. He tried to focus on his own breathing, trying to stop the barrage of thoughts that were all trying to intrude on his brain. How would hw tell her? When? What would he say? What if she was angry, or disgusted with him? Could he handle that? What if she didn't want to talk to him again? What would they tell Bill and Maggie? What was making her so edgy lately? Had she already met someone else? Was she in love, was that it?

Shit. Shit. Fuck!

The thought felt like a fishhook in his gut, pulling up through his throat. Pain shot through him at the idea of her kissing someone else, of her loving someone else and him being the one who got to hold her, to tell her he loves her...what if he took her from him, some guy from a thousand miles away who asked her to come and live with him and she went and...

FUCK!!

Kit slammed a fist into the mattress beside him and sat up, breathing harder than before. He needed to stop thinking about it; he couldn't do anything about it right now, with Lena downstairs all dirty and wounded. 

He felt a pull to go to her, felt that he should be with her but he just couldn't, not right now. He needed half an hour to try and pull a thread of sense out of his patchwork of thoughts.

Lena was too confusing a subject, so he pushed it to the back of his head, deep into the dark corners where the thought of Malcolm Reed and his release from prison loomed at him. 

Kit felt his heart pick up speed at the thought of Malc, but he wasn't sure if it was fear he was experiencing. There was definitely fear there - there were too many scary memories in Kit's head not to feel fear - but there was a certain amount of adrenaline too. It was the same as that feeling he'd had when he was eleven and -being taller than most of the kids his age - had been the only one tall enough to go on the Death Drill ride at the theme park. Paulie Fitzpatrick had dared him to go on. Kit had been so cocky until the last moment, when the bottom had dropped from his stomach and he felt cold fear creep under his skin, but it was too late; he had to go through with it; adrenaline, fear, excitement, sickness...he wasn't sure what he felt, but he knew he was never going back on that ride again.

That was how he felt now; sick and scared and also kind of excited. He knew what Bill said was right, that Malcolm wouldn't be turning up on the front doorstep or wandering around town looking for real estate. There was no way he'd be allowed near Kit, given their history, and yes, Malcolm would be watched very carefully for a while, to make sure he was 'coping' in the outside world. 

But there was still a part of Kit that hid, small and afraid, in his front yard, minutes after his mother had been killed, and heard Malcolm's drunken voice shouting his name and swearing that he'd find him. 

And there was also a part, a grown man now, that wanted to hunt down the cowardly piece of shit that had beaten his mother for so long, who had used her and finally killed her, and make him know what real pain was. 

"Kit, honey?" There was a soft knock on his door as Maggie spoke. 

"Come in Mags." Kit answered, startled from his reverie. He glanced at the clock on his bedside and was surprised to find how much time had passed. It was nearly twelve o'clock.

Maggie's round figure slipped in through the door, footsteps as soft as a cats on the beige carpet in his bedroom. She looked tired. Her dark red hair was escaping the bun she'd pulled it into at the nape of her neck "You ok?" She asked gently, looking at him in that affectionate, open manner she had. She examined his face from a few feet away. 

Kit shifted on the edge of his bed. He had no idea how to answer that. He had no idea if he was ok. He just gave her a small smile . "Has the doctor been?" he asked. 

Maggie said nothing of the subject change but Kit heard her pause before she answered his question, as if she was contemplating whether to push him or not. "Yes. A sprain - not a serious one apparently, but it will take a few weeks to heal properly." she said eventually. "The doctor's told her she's gotta rest it and put ice on the swelling. He's wrapped her ankle up in a bandage too - somethin' about compression, but I think it's just for the sympathy." Maggie smiled.

"I'm sure she was happy to hear that. Lena loves to take it easy and do exactly as she's told." Kit commented with a hint a sarcasm.

"Well, she's gonna have to suck it up. Maybe it'll teach her a thing or two." Maggie shook her head, an annoyed glint clouding her gaze for a minute, no doubt thinking of Lena's stubbornness or maybe even her lack of shoes on returning tonight. Kit wondered what Lena had told them about their mysterious disappearance.

"Anyways, the doctor's given her a pain killer now and she's fallen asleep on the chair downstairs. Bill was going to move her but..." Maggie frowned and Kit knew she was worried about her husbands health. He wasn't supposed to go lifting heavy things anymore, not that he paid as much attention as he should to the doctor's advice.

"I'll move her." Kit said, smiling softly. 

Maggie reached out to touch his cheek affectionately. "You're a good man Kristopher Alden. She'll be very lucky, the woman that marries you my boy. She really will."

Kit almost choked. For a second he had a horrible thought that Maggie could see inside his mind and knew exactly what he'd been thinking with regards to Lena. But another second passed and he knew he was being stupid. Of course she didn't know. If she did, she'd slap him, not compliment him. 

Maggie dropped her hand from his cheek and smoothed the hem of her blue blouse. "Okay, well...if you don't need anything, Bill and I are gonna head to bed."

Kit assured her he was fine and Maggie left him with a kiss on the cheek.

A few moments later he heard Bill shout a goodnight to him from the stairs. He listened as his and Maggie's footsteps slowly thudded up to the floor above. 

Time to face the music, he thought, standing from the bed. He took a breath and quietly left his bedroom, flicking off the light as he went.

***

Lena murmured softly in her sleep, unintelligible words. Kit stood just inside the doorway of their sitting room, caught by the sight of her peaceful face. She nestled her head deeper into the dark green plaid of the armchair and murmured again.

A large, square coffee table sat in the centre of the room, a widescreen T.V to one side and a three-seater couch on another. Two armchairs sat at ninety degrees to each other in the corner, separated by an antique end table that had belonged to Bill's grandmother. It was in one of these armchairs that Lena dozed, an old woollen blanket draped across her legs and a cold cup of something on a coaster at her elbow.




A Brother's Love Ch. 05



Kit approached her quietly, his footsteps muffled by the thick brown rug that covered a large part of the sitting room floor. The light from a lamp on the end table cast a soft yellow glow across her face and picked out all the dazzling gold highlights in her mussed up hair. Kit wanted to smooth his fingers across it. He wanted to touch the smooth, pale plane of her cheek and watch those startling green-blue eyes open like the most beautiful flower. But she looked so peaceful that, for a moment, he was content to just watch her sleep.

He sat quietly on the arm of the other chair and swept a hand through his dark hair. 

How had he not seen this coming? Was there a point at which he fell in love with her or had it just swept him away like a slow tide, pulling at him for the six years he'd known her until there was no going back? He wasn't sure. 

As he sat there, listening to her murmurs and sleepy sighs, he felt the confusing swell of emotions he held for her threaten to engulf him once more. 

He felt so stupid for not realising his love for her sooner; because Jonathan had been right; it had been almost a year since he'd even looked at another girl that way. He'd had several girlfriends before that and the healthy imagination of any twenty-six year old male. But just recently his sexual appetite was bordering anorexia. 

Sure, he'd noticed Lena was...well, filling out. He'd have been blind not to notice the change from scrawny, pale teen to...well...

Kit's mind filled with the image of her earlier that same day, as she'd cleaned out the stables, dressed in a pair of worn, pale blue jeans and a white t-shirt. She'd stretched her back as he'd approached and the movement had made her t-shirt ride up at the hem and pull taut across her breasts at the same time. Kit had noticed, sure, and even felt a lurch of something like desire at the sight of her exposed skin, but he'd pushed the thought away so fast he hadn't stopped to examine it.

There had been countless times like this, little things that had made him stop, caught off guard, his natural male reactions rearing up before his mind came up with that one phrase to silence it all; "It's Lena." 

He'd told himself that so many times, his brain automatically telling him that she was out-of-bounds, while never once realising that his heart hadn't been listening. His heart had seen her walk to the bathroom in that little black baby doll last month and lusted at her smooth, beautiful legs; his heart had wanted to find out if she was wearing panties underneath while his brain made his head turn away and shut away the thought. His heart had wanted to kiss her exposed hipbone earlier that day, and trail kisses along her smooth abdomen, wanted to taste her skin and make love to her there, against the stable wall; but his brain had shunned the thought and replaced it with a smile and light conversation; the respectable figure of an older brother or a friend, not a lover.

Right now, gazing at her sleeping form, his heart wanted to scoop her up and take her to his bed, carefully undress her and kiss away her pain; and right now, his brain had to admit it wasn't winning any battles; his heart was finally winning.

"Mmmm...Kit..." Lena moaned softly.

Kit smiled at the sound of his name. He wasn't sure if she was stirring or not.

"Shhh, it's ok...I'm here Le." he whispered, leaning towards her and smoothing the hair from her face. Her eyes flickered and she moaned sleepily. "Come on, let's get you to bed." 

He pulled the blanket from her legs, careful not to move her bad ankle, and placed it on the other chair. Then he slid his arms beneath her and lifted her sleeping body up to his chest. Lena moaned again and this time her eyes opened properly. She looked so tired, but so pretty too.

"Hey sleepy head." Kit whispered.

"Hey," she whispered back. "Am I dreaming?"

Kit laughed softly. "I don't think so. Unless your dreams often involve me carrying your injured body up to bed."

Lena smiled but said nothing. She nestled into his chest and blinked sleepily.

Kit exhaled. "Anyway...I think it's me who's dreaming." he whispered, making his way from the room and starting up the stairs. Lena lifted her gaze to his face, her eyes curious, as if waiting for him to say more. 

At the top of the stairs, she whispered "Why would you dream about this?" She sounded uncertain, as if she wasn't sure whether he was joking or not.

"Because..." Kit pushed her bedroom door open with his foot and entered the familiar cream and deep purple cove of her bedroom. He carefully laid her down on her bed before answering. He stood beside her, met her gaze firmly and said "Because I'd be crazy not to want to take you to bed..." he gave a wan smile and added, "although I'd prefer it if you weren't injured."

Lena just stared at him, her beautiful eyes widening, both disbelieving and uncertain at once. The moments seemed to pass so, so slowly as Kit stared at her, wanting her to understand, while Lena just gaped back at him, her expression so full of shock he couldn't begin to gauge her true feelings about what he was saying. 

"I mean..." Kit turned, going to her chest of drawers and searching for her pyjamas in an attempt to buy himself time. He didn't know how to begin or what to say, but he knew he had to tell her now. "Lena, I...I don't know how to say this."

"Kit..." Lena's voice was little more than a nervous squeak and Kit couldn't bear to have her cut him off or change the subject now. He had to get it out.

"Please...just listen to me..." He turned around, holding a set of baby blue pyjamas in one hand. He took a deep breath and said what felt right. "When you first arrived here, years ago...I didn't know how...how empty life had been until that point. I know you think you were a moody little thing back then but...you weren't...not to me, anyway. You were this cool little kid, all scrawny and stubborn and full of fire and so...so sweet." Kit smiled into the distance but his heart ached. "I think I loved you from the first moment I saw you glaring at me across the kitchen table. You were so small but jeez...those eyes could have chilled the sun." He laughed softly and shook his head. "But you liked me....I still don't know why but you wanted to hang out with me, wanted to be part of everything I was doing and I loved it. I used to tell people you were my best friend and they'd laugh, like I was joking; I guess they didn't understand how a twenty year old could be best friends with a twelve year old, but they didn't know you Le..."  

Kit moved towards her, his words coming quicker now, though quiet in the stillness of the house. He carefully laid her pyjamas at her feet and then knelt beside her bed. Lena hadn't moved an inch, but he could feel her eyes on him, taking in every word. He didn't dare look at her, scared that if he saw any hint of repulsion that he'd lose his courage and leave.

"They didn't know you like I knew you. Like I know you. If they had, they'd know...you're amazing. You're funny...and strong and sensitive...and kind. You're heart is so big I genuinely don't know it fits inside you." He glanced up at her then, flashing a brief smile that died on his lips; the look in her eyes took the breath from him. Tears trickled silently down her cheeks and she looked both terrified and amazed. Kit swallowed hard, unable to look away. "You're the smartest, sexiest woman I've ever seen and I know I shouldn't be feeling this way or telling you these things but...I can't live with the idea that I never told you...so I'm hoping you don't hate me...But I need to tell you...And I've just realised this is probably going to ruin our entire relationship...I really should have thought about that first, huh? Fuck...sorry..."

"Kit, just say it..." Lena breathed. 

"I love you. Lena...I'm in love with you. In every way. I know I shouldn't feel this way about you but..."

"Shut up."

Kit almost choked. His felt the starkness of her words fracturing his heart. She was rebuking him. Of course. What else would she say? She didn't want him, never would...and now he'd fucked everything up. Their relationship was ruined and she'd never see him the same way again...

Kit stood from her bedside. His hands were starting to shake, he could feel them but he felt suddenly blind. In a second he'd turned and was at her door when her voice stopped him in his tracks;

"No! Kit...wait...I meant..." Lena cried out as her foot hit the floor, her desperation to stop Kit from leaving making her forget her injured leg; she'd tried to spring from the bed but the pain was sharp, and she fell to her knees on the floor. 

"Lena!" Kit darted to catch her but she was already trying to get to her feet, trying to get to him. "Don't, you're meant to rest!" he scolded, but his voice was hoarse and was barely more than a whisper. His hands tugged her up from the floor.

"I don't care...that's not what I meant Kit..." Lena's fingers reached out to his chest and Kit felt a tremor go through him as they met their mark. "I meant...shut up..." she repeated. Her voice shook and her fist pressed against his chest. "Shut up and kiss me." 

***



A Brother's Love Ch. 06



The air stilled between them. Time stood still for several long moments.

Lena felt the quick throb of Kit's heart where she clutched her hand to his chest; she felt the throb of her ankle, the pressure of his fingers on her arms as he steadied her, the cool trickle of tears on her cheeks, but everything seemed to have a ethereal quality, as though she were dreaming.

She prayed she wasn't dreaming. She prayed that she wouldn't wake up from this happiness.

Kit was in love with her!! 

It was more than she could have dared to hope for.

But the moments stretched into minutes as they stood there and Lena feared that her words had come out all wrong again. Kit just stood there, frozen it seemed, his expression slowly changing from pain to shock. His lips parted and his dark eyebrows hitched slightly but they were his only movements. 

"You don't know how long I've wanted this..." Lena whispered, unable to stand the endless silence anymore. Why wasn't he kissing her? She was desperate to know the feel of his lips on hers, to know their taste. "I thought you'd hate me if I told you and I couldn't bear it, Kit, I couldn't face losing you..."

Kit's fingers flexed on her arms, pulling her a little closer to his chest; at the same time his expression cleared and his eyes began to shine. "I told you..." he whispered, lowering his head so he was just inches from hers. Lena could smell that spicy scent of his, all cinnamon and wood smoke. "No matter what you do or what you say...you could never make me hate you." He repeated his own words to her and this time, she couldn't help but believe it. "I love you Lena and nothing is going to stop that...you understand?"

Lena felt tears threaten again as she broke into a smile and nodded vigorously. "And I love you too Kit," she replied. She reached her hands up around his neck; he released his hold on her arms and carefully wound his arms around her waist. "Now I'd really like it if you'd stop talking...and kiss me."

Kit laughed deeply and pulled her tight against him, lifting her off her feet. His mouth was soft and warm when it met hers and it was better than she'd dreamt a thousand times. His tongue, gently probing against hers, tasted sweet and reminded her of chocolate cookie dough. Her fingers sank into the hair at the back of his head as she pulled his face closer, wanting to taste more. 

Kit walked her backwards, slowly inching them to the edge of her bed. He carefully laid her down, never once breaking their kiss as his body followed hers, half resting on the mattress beside her so he didn't crush her. Lena felt the solid weight of him on top of her body, felt the gentle caress of his hand as it slid under her t-shirt, gently stroking the skin at the small of her back. 

Lena felt her heart flutter at the touch of his fingers, coupled with an entirely new sensation; an intense ache in the pit of her belly that made her feel hot and excited all at once. She found her own hands moving down to Kit's waist, her fingers finding their way beneath his clothes to the hot, hard flesh beneath. She felt him shiver as her fingers slid up his back and down again. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, to have him naked in her bed and do those things to her that no man ever had. She wanted her first time to be with Kit; she couldn't imagine it any other way.

As she began to tug at his clothes, trying to take his t-shirt and jumper off in one go, Kit suddenly broke their kiss. Lena almost cried out at the sudden loss of his lips. Then she saw his eyes and felt that it was worth it, just to see the look he held; she'd never seen him so full of fire and happiness; his eyes were dancing as if they contained a thousand grey-blue flames from another world. They stared at each other breathlessly, Kit's face just inches above hers.

"We don't have to..." he began, swallowing hard. "I mean...I don't want to rush this. I don't want to rush you...or us. Okay?"

Lena wasn't sure whether to smile or frown. "Don't you want to?" She asked nervously.

Kit looked incredulous. "You have no idea how much I want to Le, but...I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He said, smiling softly. 

"You better not." Lena whispered. 

"I'm just saying." Kit growled, closing the gap between them so they were almost nose to nose. "There's no rush."

Lena kissed him again, savouring his warm, sweet lips and letting out a soft moan. She could feel Kit's warm body above hers and the solid press of his growing erection against her thigh and the thought filled her with longing. She didn't want to wait anymore.

"I don't want to wait. I want to feel you inside me Kit." Her voice was soft and filled with all the plea she could manage. She prayed he wouldn't leave her wanting.

*

Kit groaned at her words and let his teeth find her bottom lip. He wanted nothing more than to strip her naked and take her there and her sweet words were tipping him over the edge. He'd said there was no rush, but it took all his willpower not to hurry this first moment with her, just to satisfy the sudden burn of lust running through his veins. 

He kissed her deeply, letting her know how much he wanted her. He knew his cock was growing hard against her leg, finally glad to be allowed some free rein. 

Kit sat back on his knee's for a second, straddling her hips, and looked down at her beneath him. He couldn't help the goofy smile that was creeping across his face. Then he slipped the jumper and t-shirt from his back and threw them on the floor beside the bed. He felt Lena's eyes trail down his body, letting her gaze linger where she liked. Kit allowed her time to look, whilst taking in every feature of her face and recording it to his memory; he didn't want to forget a single moment of this.

"See something you like, Miss Harris?" Kit whispered. 

His hands brushed against her hips, sliding up underneath the thin white material of her t-shirt and finding her smooth, soft abdomen. Lena shivered and smiled. 

"Oh, I saw it a long time ago, Mr Alden...I just haven't had a chance to...examine...you properly before." She answered.

Kit pushed her t-shirt up a few inches, exposing her belly button. He grinned and lowered himself to kiss her stomach and hips, just as he'd desired when he'd seen her working in the stables earlier that day. Her skin was delicious and warm, trembling beneath his mouth in what he hoped was excitement.

Her fingers delved back into his hair for a brief moment, but Kit couldn't help himself; he wanted more of her, wanted to see and kiss every part of her naked body. His hands found her arms and he pulled her up with him as he moved away, so they were both sitting upright. His fingers slid beneath her t-shirt, this time pushing all the way up until she lifted her arms and he removed it completely. 

He kissed her sweet lips, running his fingers down through her hair to cup the back of her neck. His mouth followed, kissing down her jaw, to her ear, then down the sweet and slender column of her neck. Lena let her head fall back as her breathing increased. 

His fingers brushed her shoulders and he gently pushed her back onto the bed so he could look at her properly.

The air rushed out of him as he took in the sight of her perfect breasts, encased in a snug, midnight blue bra that made her skin look pale and all the more beautiful. He traced the silky black trim of the garment with his index finger, down over the swell of one breast and up the other. Her chest rose and fell rapidly beneath his touch, her breathing quick and nervous as he gazed at her.

"Kit?" Lena's voice was a terrified little breath on the air, barely enough to make a sound.

Kit looked up into her eyes and gave her a smile that he hoped said it all. "Now I know I'm not dreaming..." he whispered. "You're more beautiful than I could ever dream."

Lena blushed deeply and the sight of her pink cheeks made his cock surge with desire. A thought rose to his mind at the sight of her and he suddenly frowned.

His mouth dropped a little and he didn't know how to ask what he wanted to. "Lena...are you..." the desire to say 'sexually active' sprang to mind, a stupid memory of 'those' talks from when he was in his teens; all the adults he knew seemed to like those words; they made him cringe. "Have you ever...done this...before?"

He swallowed hard, nervous of her answer. He hadn't wanted to contemplate it before. 

He could still recall the time Matt had caught her giving some guy head in front seat of the little punk's car and how it had made him feel; hurt and angry and a whole lot of other things he now recognised as jealousy. The idea of her innocence being taken by some little good-for-nothing pisswatch made him sick. He rarely drank (the only good thing to come from his time with Malcolm) but that night he'd eagerly drowned the thoughts away until they were little more than a distant memory. 

Since then he'd tried not to think of it at all. He'd assumed she'd be fooling around like all the girls of her age in a way, but at the same time, he vowed never to think of it again.

He didn't want the thought to ruin the moment but he had to ask; if it was her first time, he had to be more careful with her, make sure it was special.

Her cheeks were scarlet now, her blush spreading across her chest and making her pale skin glow pink. 

"Um...no." Lena answered meekly. Kit felt himself let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. "I've never...done anything...not since that time...last summer..."

Kit nodded, not needing her to explain further. He gave her a reassuring smile and kissed her passionately, releasing the tension that had grown between them. Lena arched her body up to meet his and he slid an arm underneath her. His hand found the catch of her bra and unlatched the little metal teeth. Then he smoothed his hand underneath the flimsy straps of material, easing them from underneath her body and slowly releasing her breasts from their dark blue wrapping.

Kit felt himself stiffen to an almost agonising level as he took in the sight of her smooth, creamy breasts; her nipples were taut and pink, reminding him of little cherries on top of a cake. Kit sucked one into his mouth and flicked it with his tongue. Lena arched and moaned in pleasure. He let himself indulge in the sweet taste of her skin, sucking and nipping and licking each nipple until Lena was begging him not to stop.

Kit nibbled his way up to her neck then and almost grinned when he saw Lena's pout. "I said 'don't' stop..." she muttered, trying to feign annoyance. 

Kit laughed darkly. "I've just got started..." he said. 

With careful movements, he slid off the bed and knelt on the floor beside her bed. His fingers unlatched the button of her jeans and slowly slid them down her thighs, revealing panties in the same dark blue and black trim material as her bra. Kit paid great attention to her bad ankle as he slid the jeans down her legs, inch by slow inch so as not to jolt her sprain. Lena winced as the material brushed over her foot but didn't make a sound.

Kit stood, his gaze falling to her almost naked body. Lena lay back on the bed, trying not to look self-conscious. Kit trailed his eyes down her beautiful body; her skin was the creamy colour of a pheasants egg, glowing a little under the golden light of her bedroom; her long legs looked a little too skinny, just like they had when she was younger; he could see the faint, pearly line of an old scar on her knee and a dark freckle right at the top of her thigh that he never knew was there. 

Kit gently brushed his fingers up the backs of her calves, up across her knees...he leaned his head towards the middle of her thighs and lightly kissed that little freckle as though it were an old friend; with his head so close to her panties, he could smell her sweet, musky scent and knew she was wet for him.

With his body burning for her, he looped his fingers under the waistband of her panties and met her eyes, nervous and wide above him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.

Lena smiled and nodded quickly but her nervousness remained. Kit held her gaze for another moment before easing her panties down her legs. Kit was pretty sure he groaned, just a little, when he looked up at her completely naked body; he could see the perfect, untouched valley between her thighs, her pussy smooth but for a neat little patch of mousy curls and he could see the shine of her excitement against her pink skin.

Kit's cock felt unbearably uncomfortable inside his jeans now and all he wanted was to press his naked body against hers so he stood and unbuttoned the dark material. Lena's eyes were as wide as saucers as he pulled himself free from his remaining clothes and she didn't blink once. Her gaze was fixated on his large cock and she swallowed hard, making Kit's erection jerk in excitement. She looked terrified.

"Hey..." He said, sitting beside her on the bed. He brushed his fingers along her jaw and into her hair and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. "What's wrong?"

Lena swallowed again. "I...You're a lot bigger than..." She laughed nervously and averted her eyes to the floor, embarrassed.

Kit laughed softly and kissed her. "Don't worry, okay? I'll go slow, I promise, and if it hurts, we can stop. There's no rush, remember?" he said.

Lena smiled weakly and nodded. "Also...I'm scared you...that I'm not...pretty...enough...like your other girlfriends were..." her voice was barely a whisper when she finished.

Kit's heart sank.

He took her face in both hands and made her look at him. "Are you crazy? Did you not hear me Le? You are the SEXIEST and SMARTEST girl I have EVER met. You're a thousand times prettier than anyone I know." His voice was bordering a growl. He was almost angry that she would consider it. But she was too cute to be mad at. So he laughed and shook his head, showing his disbelief. "I'm more turned on right now than I've ever been in my life and all I've done is take your clothes off!"

Lena smiled shyly, the pinkness returning to her cheeks. After a moment, she bit her lip and looked at him under her long lashes, the picture of innocence. "I've gone and ruined our moment now, haven't I?" she asked.

Kit chuckled and pushed her back on the bed. "Not possible. Only Matt turning up right now could do that and I happen to know he's away for the entire night."

Lena curled her fingers around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "Good. Then I get to keep you in my bed all night." she murmured. 

Kit let his weight press against her, relishing the feel of her naked body beneath his. He loved the feel of her soft breasts pressed against his chest and the silky heat of her body. His erection pushed against her stomach, it's swollen head poking at her belly button, whilst his balls tickled the junction of her thighs. Lena slid the sole of one foot down the back of his leg; she curled her ankle around his calf, making her legs spread a little.

Kit kissed his way down her body, light, feathery licks and nibbles down her neck, then deeper, sensuous sucking of one little taut nipple. He lingered for a moment, twirling a nipping the bud between his teeth to make her breathing increase, then down, down her smooth stomach and across her hips...

*

Lena gasped.

What was he doing with his face down there? She wanted him to kiss her nipples again; it made her feel a rush of excitement, surging up in hot, fluttery waves from her core, the place Kit had his mouth dangerously close to.

Lena's hands were in his hair, tugging gently with desire for him to continue and desire to make him stop. She didn't know which emotion she wanted to win out.

Kit darted his eyes up from between her spread legs, looking at her from under a sweep of mussed up dark hair. His eyes were full of that irresistible grey fire, sending waves of heat beneath her skin as he flashed her a look of pure fiendish passion. He had a half smile on his lips, slightly crooked, as if he knew what she were thinking and found it amusing. 

He gently nipped at the skin above her inch strip of pubic hair and Lena almost yelped. Her legs jerked apart a little more and the sudden movement reminded her that her ankle was pretty hurt, but then Kit was flicking his tongue lower and lower and she couldn't think of anything but that. He held her gaze, his eyes dancing with laughter as her eyes grew wider and wider. Then his mouth encircled her clit and he sucked her there and Lena gasped with pleasure.

She drove her hands into his hair, any thought of making him stop stripped away with each flick of his tongue. He kissed her pussy as though he were kissing a long lost love; full of passion and desire and want. Lena moaned as the fingers of his right hand trailed down her inner thigh and came to meet his dancing mouth. He slid the tip of his middle finger inside her wet opening and paused. Lena couldn't help her desires as her hips bucked forward; his long finger slid further inside her and Lena moaned again.

Kit slid that finger all the way inside and Lena could feel every inch of it pushing at the walls of her inside. She could feel her pussy clenching around his long digit as his tongue flicked and circled her clit, the two sensations making her wetter and wetter as hot excitement began to boil up inside her. 

"Ohh...yes...mmn..." She gasped, tugging at his hair.

She felt her body writhing uncontrollably against Kit's mouth and hand, could feel all her muscles tightening like loaded springs, and she couldn't stop the rapid tempo of her breaths or the moans than fell from her lips. Her whole body felt like it was going to explode and it felt so...so...gooood.

"Ohhhh, please...yes...don't stop! Yes!" 

Kit's finger slid in and out of her pussy, faster now, his finger curling up a little and rubbing against some little part inside her that felt even better than before. Lena scraped her feet up and down the bedcovers, trying to get a purchase on something as her world began to tip out of focus; she couldn't even feel the pain now, lost only to the waves of pleasure coursing through her body.

Kit sucked her clit into his mouth as her thighs clasped the sides of his head, and thrust once more into her pussy with that long finger. "Oh God! YES!" she gasped. Lena felt herself fall off some invisible ledge as her body shattered and fell a thousand times in the space of a minute. She felt her pussy clenching wildly and cried out as she came on a man's hand for the first time in her life. 

Seconds, maybe even minutes or hours later, Kit gently spread her now limp thighs and pulled his hand from her pussy. He kissed his way back up her belly, starting at her wet and tingling pussy and ending with his face hovering just inches from hers, his lips wet and smelling of her sex. 

Lena finally managed to focus her eyes on him and gave a shy, if extremely pleased, smile. She couldn't believe Kit had managed to do that to her with just his mouth and one finger. She wanted to find out what the rest of him could do.

She kissed him as hard as she could, not caring where his mouth had just been, and Kit seemed taken back for a moment. In another second, his lips were meeting hers and their passion for each other was climbing again. She felt like she was high on him, on the things he could do to her, and she didn't want him to stop. In the wake of her climax, in those moments where his hands weren't touching her, she felt emptiness creeping in. She wasn't ready to stop yet; she wanted more.

Kit's erection was brushing against her thigh again and this time, she wanted to feel that. Something primal inside her drove her towards it, wanting nothing but the feel of his solid cock thrusting inside her again and again.

Letting her passion drive her, Lena found her fingers running down Kit's back, lightly trailing her nails and making him shiver. 




A Brother's Love Ch. 06



"I want you inside me Kit...I want you to take me, right now." She gasped, tugging at his hips. She pulled him against her damp core, feeling his thick erection slide against her clit. Kit groaned loudly, breaking their kiss. He rested his forehead against hers and let his penis slide up and down her wet folds. Lena bit her lip and tried not to cry out as his hard member pressed against her swollen clitoris again and again.

Kit's hands delved into her hair, pulling it back and exposing her neck. Lena arched into his mouth as he trailed fierce kisses down her neck. She could see him losing control, see a side of him she'd never known; she felt as though she were some sort of tropical oasis and he were a water-starved dessert, like he couldn't get enough of her at once. His hands were on her neck, her shoulders, smoothing and cupping her breasts and making trails across her stomach; then his mouth would follow his touch and his hands would be back up again, thrilling some other part of her in ways she never knew she could be touched.

And all the while, Lena felt his erection grinding against her core, making her hum with pleasure that both soothed and burned all at once.

"Lena..." Kit's mouth was at her ear, his breath delicious on her feverish skin. "Lena, I want you so much. You are so beautiful...so...exquisite." 

Lena groaned. His words were hypnotising and she wanted more. "Kit...please..."

Kit groaned, stilling his thick shaft against her pulsing core. "Wait...I need...protection..." he gasped.

Lena frowned. "Why? I'm on the pill."

Kit's eyebrow quirked as he stared down at her, his breathing fast. "You are? Since when?"

"Since I was sixteen...you want an exact date?" She said, half joking.

Kit grinned. "No, it's ok." He laughed darkly and dropped his mouth to one nipple, tugging at it with his teeth. Lena moaned and rubbed herself against his slick shaft. "Guess you're just full of surprises tonight, huh?" Kit murmured.

*

Lena giggled and wrapped her legs around his thighs, making her pussy open like the most beautiful flower. Kit lowered his mouth to her ear, letting his cock rest in the valley of her wet vulva. He'd never wanted anything so much in his life as he wanted her.

"Lena..." he whispered, kissing her ear as he spoke. "I need you to...to tell me...if you want to stop..." Lena groaned, the beginnings of a protest. "Shh...this is important...what we're about to do...it's gonna hurt a little...just this once."

Lena smacked him in the chest playfully, the pink hue of embarrassment tinting her cheeks. "I'm not completely stupid, you know..." she laughed softly and rolled her eyes. "I have talked about sex before. I know what a hymen is!" she hissed. 

Kit felt the heat rise in his own cheeks. Of course she did. Why was he talking to her like a child? She was eighteen for fucks sake. Most of her friends had done it. Some had more experience than he did.

"Sorry." He murmured, returning to kissing her ear. "I just...don't want to hurt you."

Lena jerked her hips forward and tightened the grip on his legs, making his cock press hard against her clit. She looked up at him with those crazy innocent eyes and said "Even if I beg for it?"

His jaw could have hit the floor. How could anyone look so sweet and angelic and yet inflict so much filth into one sentence? It made Kit want to growl with desire, made him want to fuck her hard and hear her utter filthy words in his ear until he came.

"Be careful what you wish for. You have no idea how much restraint I'm showing." He whispered. 

Lena smiled, a mischievous glint in her blue-green eyes.

Kit ran his fingers down her arms in soft, feathery strokes. He traced the curves of her breasts with his index fingers, circling each nipple lazily until they peaked with anticipation. Lena was already wet; he could feel the way her pussy lips were gliding up and down his shaft with every tiny movement of Kit's hips. His cock was throbbing with it's need to release, his balls aching and tight.

He let his hands mould around the sides of waist, pressing more firmly as he moved slowly down, to her hips, her tense thighs...He knew he could wait any longer. Taking his cock in one hand, he moved back a few inches, allowing his throbbing cock head to slide between her hot pussy lips. He licked the head up and down, coating as much of his shaft in her slick juices, before lining himself up at her tight little entrance. 

He wanted to watch himself slide into her but he could feel the tension coming off her and knew she was getting scared. He looked up into her eyes. Holding himself up on one arm, her hovered just a few inches above her face, putting as much love and reassurance as he could into his gaze. Lena curled her arms around his neck, relaxing a little and he knew from the slight quirk of her lip that she was ok.

Kit pressed his cock into her tight opening, feeling the wet folds give way as the first inch of his solid erection sank into her. Lena moaned deeply. Kit placed a light kiss on her parted lips and pushed a little more. His cock sank another inch or two inside her. Kit had never felt anything so good; she was so tight, so soft, so wet and warm. 

He was only a few inches in when he felt the thin membrane that was her virginity. He paused, letting her adjust to the thickness of him. He kissed her sweet lips. "I love you so much Le..." he whispered.

Lena panted beneath him, her gaze already cloudy with lust. She smiled at him and nodded. "I know...just...do it quick, okay?" she said.

Kit kissed her again and with one quick thrust, he tore through her hymen. Lena yelped and dug her nails into his neck and Kit knew there would be marks there in the morning. He forced himself to stay as still as possible inside her, feeling the warm, wet ooze of her pussy as it gripped his cock, trying desperately to adjust to it's foreign presence. It took so much restraint not to thrust himself into her; she felt incredible. Sheathed around his cock like a hot, velvet glove, it was as if she'd been made just for him.

Lena swallowed hard, trembling a little as the pain subsided. Kit kept still, kissing her forehead tenderly as her breathing slowed.

"It gets better now." He told her.

Lena gave a small smile. 

Kit pulled out of her slowly, his cock alive with feeling as her body tightened around his retreating shaft. He was torn between the amazing pleasure he was feeling and the wince that came to Lena's face as he moved. 

"Hey..." Kit whispered, holding himself once more at her entrance. Lena's eyes were wide when she looked at him, full of adrenaline. "Try and relax. You're meant to enjoy this you know?" he said, trying to sound more amused than concerned.

Lena laughed and gave him an apologetic smile. She took a deep breath.

"Now lift your hips..." 

Lena gave him a look but did as he asked. Kit slid a pillow underneath her hips and she giggled as she sank into it. 

"Better?" he asked.

"Much." 

This time, Kit wasn't so cautious. He'd broken her hymen, taken her virginity, and now his only job was to make her feel as good as he possibly could. He pushed his cock back inside her tight hole, all the way to the hilt. Lena gasped in surprise, quickly followed by a guttural moan, somewhere between pleasure and pain. He sank his fingers into her hair, pushing it back from her face as he pulled out and drove back into her again. 

"Oh!" Lena arched her back, pushing her breasts up against him. Kit kissed her parted lips, her neck, thrust into her again. He delighted at the little moans of pleasure that fell from her lips with each thrust. 

"You're so beautiful, Le..." Kit growled, cupping her ass with both hands as he stretched her open again and again. 

"Mmm...oh...yesss..."

"Tell me what you want...tell me how you want me to make you cum." He whispered.

"I want...I want...I want you to fuck me. Hard." Lena gasped as Kit slammed himself into her, caught up in her words and the feel of her. He wanted nothing more than to fuck her hard and fast, even though a part of his was scared that he'd hurt her.

"Yes! Just like that!" Lena hissed.

Kit bit back a groan. Lena's hands moved to his shoulders, her fingers biting into his flesh, pulling him against her hot body. He curled her thighs tight around his waist as he drove home, her tight pussy yielding again and again. Lena arched against him with each thrust, driving him a little deeper each time and it wasn't long before Kit felt himself close to the edge. Sweat glistened on both of their naked bodies and the room felt heady and foreign. Lena's moans were in his ear, pushing him on, begging him for more and he was powerless to resist.

"Kit...Kit...please...yes...oh....ohh! Ohhh!!"

Kit felt the unbearably sweet clenching of Lena's pussy as her climax overtook her. She cried out his name again and again, like some kind of prayer to the Gods, her back arched off the bed as though possessed. Kit held her close with one arm, the other holding his body up as he ground his hips into her. 

Kit pressed his forehead against hers, looking down into her beautiful, wild eyes as she came. He could have sworn he saw stars in her eyes, but, at that same moment, her pussy gripped his cock hard and Kit's body exploded with the force of his own orgasm. He bucked his hips one last time, spilling his seed deep inside her and crying out her name. Lena's pussy clenched his shaft again and again, milking every last drop and Kit felt as though his cock were being massaged by a thousand warm, wet tongues. It was the most incredible sensation he'd ever felt.

He wasn't sure which one of them was trembling so hard, but Kit became aware of it a few moments later, as the glow from his climax abated. His legs and arms felt suddenly full of lead and he wanted to collapse right there, between Lena's spread legs, with her arms around his neck and her feet resting against...

Oh shit. 

Kit looked down into Lena's face with concern, realising then that the trembling was definitely hers. He'd forgotten all about her sprained ankle and the whole "resting it" thing. Shit.

Lena lay there, her eyes closed and a blissful smile on her face. Her cheeks were flushed and there was a sheen of sweat across her face and body to match his own. She'd look so perfectly content, if it weren't for the trembling and the single tear coursing down her cheek. 

"Shit. Le, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Kit asked.

Lena opened her eyes and smiled ever wider. "Yes. I'm more than okay." She grinned, another tear falling. "My ankle might never be the same again, but it was definitely worth it. Why did no one tell me sex was THAT good?"

Kit laughed and kissed her. "It's not. Only sex with you is THAT good." He said sincerely. "But...I'm a little bit concerned I may have damaged you for life. Hold still, I'm gonna move, okay? Just stay where you are." 

Lena nodded and flopped her arms down onto the pillow either side of her head. Kit carefully unwrapped her legs from his waist and, grabbing a pillow, laid her bad foot down upon it with as much care as possible. Lena bit her lip, clearly in pain, but stayed quiet. 

Just as carefully, he pulled his softening cock from her and saw the evidence of her taken virginity seeping out onto the bed sheets, staining the clean white linen with a mixture of blood and semen.

Kit closed her thighs and climbed from the bed. Lena looked at him, frowning with worry. "Where are you going?" she asked.

Kit leaned over her, brushed the hair from her face and bent to kiss her. He let his mouth linger on hers, getting caught up in the taste of her again, before finally pulling back and smiling. "I'll be right back, I promise."

Kit went to the bathroom to clean himself up. He switched on the faucet in the bathtub, added some of Lena's favourite bubble bath and let the water run while he cleaned his teeth. He left the dim shaving mirror light on, which gave the room a soft glow, and lit a couple of candles with the box of matches that was under the sink.

Satisfied, Kit returned to Lena's room and found her lying with her eyes closed, already falling asleep. 

"Come on, beautiful...let's get you cleaned up." He whispered. He slid his arms under her back and legs, lifting her up against his chest. He carefully carried her to the bathroom and lowered her into the foaming tub. Lena groaned as her body was enveloped by the warm water. 

Kit kissed her forehead and told her not to fall asleep. She opened one eye and smiled. "I can't make any promises." she said.

Kit grinned and turned to leave. Lena called his name and he paused, looking back over his shoulder. Her hair was wet and her eyes were wide open, smiling at him like he'd just handed her the best Christmas present she could have asked for.

"If this is a dream...please don't wake me up. I'm so happy." She whispered.

Kit smiled. "I wouldn't dare."

Back in Lena's room, he stripped the dirty sheets from the bed and, after some uncertainty, decided to throw them in the trash. The idea of Maggie finding Lena's sheets stained with blood and cum was a little discomforting, and he didn't really want her to find out that way.

He grabbed a couple of extra pillows from Lena's bed and left the room, closing the door behind him. He checked on Lena, making sure she hadn't fallen asleep, then went to his own room made sure it was okay to have her sleep in there with him. He was pretty tidy by nature, but for some reason, the idea of her sleeping in his room made him want to make everything perfect. He put the extra pillows on the bed and straightened the sheets but there wasn't much else he could do.

He turned the overhead light off in exchange for the more subtle glow of his lamp. The light spilled across his desk, where it sat, and onto the heavy cube of his P.C, the faded keys of his old keyboard and onto a small picture frame that Bill and Maggie had bought him for Christmas one year. In the frame was a picture of him and Lena several years ago; it had been a heavy snowfall - so high it had spilled over Lena's ankle boots and made her feet wet and cold; Kit had been carrying her on his back, Lena leaning back to let the snow fall on her face. They were both grinning. Maggie had captured the moment perfectly on film.

Kit smiled at the memory - she'd made that ridiculous red bobble hat look cute, somehow. It made his heart feel all fuzzy and warm to think of it. Then he thought of her now, lying naked in the bath, and the warm, fuzzy feeling turned into a blazing fire; that sweet affection was still there, but it was so much more than that now; affection, yes, but also desire and love, passion and need.

He returned to the bathroom and found her slowly sinking into the bubbles, her eyes closed and her breathing soft and regular. He bent down and kissed her gently on the lips and her eyes fluttered open. 

"I wasn't sleeping." She mumbled sleepily.

Lena yawned and Kit tried not to laugh. "No...but you probably should be." he said softly. He pulled the plug and grabbed a couple of towels from the shelf. Then he lifted her from the bath and, a little awkwardly, had her stand on her one good leg on the bath mat in front of him. She held onto him for balance as he wrapped her and then her hair in towels, then he scooped her up once more and carried her to his bedroom.

He placed her gently on the bed. Lena smiled and pushed herself up on her hands, so she was sitting, then slowly began to dry her hair. Kit reached across her to grab one of the extra pillows and placed it carefully beneath her ankle; it looked swollen and bruised and he felt like an ass for making it worse. He should have waited until she was all fixed up before jumping on her like that. 

"I'm not dying, you know, you don't have to look so upset..." Lena joked, fixing him with her blue-eyed stare.

Kit shook his head, pushing away the intruding thoughts. "You're right, sorry. I just feel bad...for hurting you." he told her.

"Well don't." She said seriously. "It was perfect. It sucks that I hurt my ankle, sure, but what we just did...that was amazing!" she laughed and Kit could see the genuine happiness in her eyes. "I loved it. I love you. Now get in bed and let's do it again." she grinned.

Kit laughed and shook his head. "You are joking?"

"Nope. I'm very serious." 

Kit hesitated for all of about two and a half seconds before jumping into bed beside her.

*



A Brother's Love Ch. 07



*

19th May 2000

Matt leant against the rough bark of an elm tree and stared out from under it's low hanging branches. Dawn had not long hit and the world was cast in weak, grey light; only the edges of the trees, the glinting metal of recently washed cars and suburban rooftops that were tinted a pale gold showed any sign that there was a clear, bright day ahead. 

Bird's began to wake. People bustled about in their houses, getting ready for work, yelling at kids to be ready for school, eating breakfast, making calls...all normal family things. A kid of about thirteen years old rode past on a dark blue BMX, a bag of newspapers slung over one shoulder. He didn't look up at Matt. The kid couldn't see him anyway. He rode on.

Time passed slowly. Matt waited. He'd been here hours, just thinking. He wasn't hungry or thirsty; he didn't need food or water; if it rained or blew a blizzard or a tornado hit right there and then, it wouldn't make any difference. He could feel it, sure, but it's not like he'd get sick or wet or physically hurt. He'd just fade away, think of somewhere else he wanted to be and he'd be there.

Well...his spirit would be there. 

He didn't have a body - his body was six feet under in a cemetery a few miles from his old home. He knew that; he'd been to visit. But his spirit - or whatever you want to call it - could do as he pleased. As long as it didn't involve talking to anyone...or touching anyone...or, in fact, doing any normal, human things, things he'd taken for granted every second he was alive. 

Being dead sucked.

Being dead and trapped with the living sucked even more.

He'd never believed all that stuff about Heaven and Hell, not really. Not like his mom taught them, anyway. She always said Heaven was a kind of paradise where people went when they died, where they weren't sad or angry and you were never too cold or too hot and or hungry or anything. She always made it sound like some kind of endless holiday, where you could bask by an oasis all day and drink multicoloured fruit juice, the sort that would have cocktail cherries and paper umbrellas in. There would be huge feasts and parties where all your friends came and you could stay up really late because it was never a school night in Heaven.

Hell, on the other hand, was an underground world full of fire and nasty fanged people, ruled by a big red guy with horns. People were always too hot, always starving, always in pain. People were tortured in Hell. Bad people went to Hell. People who hurt other people and were really mean to their sisters. 

He'd believed it until he was about seven.

After that, he wasn't sure what to believe. For one thing, their Grandma Harris died when he was seven and she had been really mean - she wasn't nice and smiley like Grandmas were in books and she would tell him off for everything - and their mother had said that Grandma Harris had gone to Heaven, which made Matt wonder; if Grandma Harris could go to Heaven then maybe Heaven isn't just for good people and maybe Hell isn't just for bad people. The thought had puzzled him, so he stopped thinking about it.

He understood now.

Heaven wasn't a beautiful paradise full of all your friends. Heaven was life and the ability to live it and share it with others that you love. Hell...well, Hell was what Matt lived in every day. Hell was to exist in a world where every one around you lived and loved, while you drifted, unseen and unheard, broken and invisible, without ever being able to escape. Matt pushed away from the trunk of the big elm tree, his eyes focused on the house across the street. The front door he'd been watching for the past five hours opened with a distant creak. A slender figure stepped out, blonde curls tumbling across the shoulder of a smart, duck-egg coloured shirt. A fitted pencil skirt hugged her, skin-tight, down to her knees and she wore a pair of black stilettos that Matt knew would make people want to fall at her feet and grovel.

She had a jacket and handbag in one hand, whilst she rummaged through the contents of the bag with the other.

Matt watched her pull out a large set of keys and lock the front door. Then she slid the jacket on and looked up, straight at him. Matt froze instinctively, but another second passed and he knew she was looking straight through him. She flicked her long, golden hair and walked away, down the street. 

Matt slowly crossed the street and followed behind her by just a few steps. Any closer and he knew she might feel him - she might turn her head as if hearing a noise, or maybe pause as though trying to remember something. Then she'd carry on, shaking her head in dismissal. That's what she'd done the first time he'd followed her, and he'd kept a little distance from her since. It hurt to be reminded that she couldn't see him anymore.

But he couldn't stop himself from coming. 

Natalie had been his girlfriend and his dominating thought on the day he died. They had dated for four months - not long, but long enough for Matt to be going a little crazy over her. She was the coolest girl he'd ever dated; real smart and sexy and funny too. Everything you could want. And he'd been the biggest asshole to her...

On the day he died, Natalie had called asking if he wanted to meet up that night. He knew he had some stupid concert thing to go to with his family but he could have blown it off for her. His parents would have understood. But all he could think of was how his mate, Tom Alcott, had been goading him, joking how Natalie had put out for her last two boyfriends after just a few weeks and yet she'd hardly even let Matt grope her. He thought things were really good between them and yet, she was always brushing him off, saying goodnight before things got too heavy between them.

So instead of just telling her he was sorry and he had to go to the concert with his parents, he'd been a complete ass over the phone, saying that there wasn't much point to them meeting up when he could have as much fun at this crappy concert than he could with her and that he was sick of taking cold showers all the time.

She'd hung up in tears and he'd immediately felt like an idiot, but was too stubborn to ring back and apologise. He figured he'd call her the next day, come up with some serious apology first. But there wasn't a chance to. 

It had all happened so fast; he remembered messing about, tickling Lena, making her laugh. She looked up at him, grinning. Then, in a fraction of a second, her eyes expanded - huge, dark pools full of death and fear. Her face was awash with harsh, bright light, making her appear pale and ghostly. Matt saw it coming, in those milliseconds before impact. Time slowed down, seconds felt like minutes and he saw it all; he saw her face, the reflection of the trucks headlights in her eyes, the way the light bathing her skin was too bright to be normal; he saw her fear and the scream that was forming on her lips, yet to be voiced. 

And in that second, he'd jumped for her. For some stupid, unnameable reason, he'd leapt forward as if he could protect her from whatever it was that was coming. He covered her body with his own, let his arms snatch her smaller frame from the seat and tuck her beneath him. He wanted to tell her something, that it was okay, that they were all going to be fine, but before he'd even managed to form the words, he was gone.

The truck slammed into their car, all God-knows-how-many tonnes of steel crumpling inwards and shunting into Matt's back; in the front passenger seat, Eve, their mother, had taken the worst of the impact and was dead before she'd even had chance to turn her head. Matt had followed her, not far behind, and a few minutes later their dad had succumbed to his injuries and passed on too. Lena had lain beneath her brother's body, unconscious and losing blood for nearly and hour while the medics and fire fighters had worked tirelessly to cut her free. 

For nearly an hour, Matt screamed. He was no more substantial than a breath of thought in a high wind, his spirit weak and confused and in complete shock. He could see his body, crumpled and utterly broken, mashed up in the wreckage of car and truck. He was watching as the medics and fire-fighters worked, cutting apart the mess of steel, pulling his parents free. He remembered watching, abstractly, as a paramedic took his fathers pulse and shook her head, but he wasn't really there. His spirit was clinging onto the faint but present heartbeat that lay beneath his crushed body, the heartbeat of his little sister. She was still alive. Somehow, she was alive. 

When they finally pulled her small body from the wreckage, it was quick, confused minutes before she was strapped to a stretcher and placed into the back of a waiting ambulance. Matt stuck close to her side, oblivious to everything around him. All he could focus on was Lena. His mind was a blur as he crouched beside her in the back of that ambulance, begging her to be okay, to wake up, to not give in. 

But just before the doors had closed, he glanced up, back at the wreckage of his parents car and saw his body, lying there, devoid of life, while, somehow, his thoughts, his ghost his...something...crouched beside the comatose body of his little sister and begged her not to leave him.

Matt followed Natalie down the street. She hooked earphones into her ear and turned the volume up on a rather expensive looking mp3 player. She caught the 102 bus into town. Matt rode with her, sliding into the seat a few in front of her and looking back. He watched her face, the sadness in her deep brown eyes that still lingered, even after all these years; he traced the mass of freckles that skimmed her cheekbones and her neat little nose; he clenched his jaw as she bit down on her bottom lip, scanning through her mp3 player for a particular song and smiling softly when she found the one she was after. 

He could hear it faintly, very faintly, through her earphones but he didn't have to hear much to know what it was. The Libertines - Don't Look Back Into The Sun.

His heart ached fiercely as he realised she was thinking of him. She'd played it over and over after he died, crying for hours in her bedroom while she listened. After a couple of days, she'd got up, gone to her desk and sat down, all red eyed and bed-crumpled. At the top of a notepad, she'd written his name; Matt.

Every word that followed burned his heart until there was nothing left but cold ash. 

You're such a jerk! I can't believe you've left me. I can't believe you're gone. It's not even possible. How can it be possible when I'm still so mad at you for what you said? I've been waiting for you to call, wanting to yell at you for being such an asshole on the phone, for all the cruel things you said. You want to know why I've been holding out on you?! Because I love you, jerk! Because I wanted us to mean something other than just sex! Because you matter to me. And now you're not here and I'll never get to say that. I'll never get to tell you I love you. You probably wouldn't have cared and you know what, whatever. You're gone and you're not coming back. So you're a jerk. But I love you. N x

She'd written the lyrics to 'Don't Look Back Into The Sun' at the bottom of the note and scribed "It reminded me of you" at the bottom. At his funeral the following week, she'd placed the letter on his casket, next to a flower arrangement that spelt out his name. She watched it disappear with his body, to be cremated alongside him. 

She hadn't cried for him since that day and she didn't play his song for months. Now and again though, even now, he'd find her listening to it, a sad smile on her face as she lost herself in some memory and he knew that she was remembering him. And it killed him all over again.

"I'm so sorry Nat," he whispered, sliding through the seat to get closer to her. It wasn't the first time he'd apologised. He'd lost count of how many times he'd said sorry, but it didn't change anything. He'd still hurt her, still been too stupid and immature to suck up his insecurities and just tell her he loved her. Now she'd never know how sorry he was.

Tears welled in Natalie's eyes, one stray little drop spilling out down her cheek and Matt reached out to wipe it away. He saw Natalie frown, her eyes boring into the space he occupied. Her fingers reached forward, inches from his wispy spirit form and Matt stiffened. She was going to touch him. Would she? Could she? This time, please... 

The bus jerked to a halt and Natalie started. As if waking from a dream, she shook herself slightly and stood, shouldering her handbag. She slid from the seat, glanced back worriedly as she made her way to the front of the bus and then stepped carefully down the steps and down onto the sidewalk, out into the soft morning sun.

Mat clenched his jaw, biting back pain and frustration as he watched her depart the bus. Finally managing to pull himself together, he closed his eyes and willed himself off the bus. He appeared ten feet from Natalie, watching her scan the light bluster of morning commuters around her. She was looking for someone and Matt knew who. Tom Alcott, one of his friends when he'd been alive; the guy who'd ribbed him about Natalie not putting out. 

He appeared through the crowd, tall and well dressed in a grey suit, ready for a day at the office. He grinned when he saw Natalie, his dark eyes full of the morning sun. Matt watched him approach, wrap his arms around her slender frame and kiss her chastely on the lips. Matt's stomach didn't clench anymore, not like it used to. Tom and Natalie had been together for nearly a year. Everyone said they made the best couple. 

They'd said that about him and Natalie too.

Tom frowned when he looked down, seeing a look in her eyes. "Are you alright? You seem...pale." 

Natalie swallowed and glanced across her shoulder. "Yeah...I just..." 

Tom ducked his head, levelling his eyes with hers. "What, what is it? Are you ill?" 

Natalie shook her head quickly. "No, it's not that. It's just...Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched?" 

Matt felt himself tense. Somehow, he knew Natalie was talking about him; she could feel him watching her. Tom looked worried. "You mean like a stalker?" he asked, glancing around nervously, as if he might find someone hiding, waiting to pounce. 

Natalie laughed. "No, no...nothing like that," she shook her head and plastered a smile on her face, a smile Matt knew she didn't quite feel. She looped her slender arm through Tom's much thicker one and urged him forward with a tug. "Look, I'm just being stupid. Too much coffee, not enough sleep, you know..." 

Tom suddenly swept her around to face him, pulling her close to his body. His thick arms crushed the soft, blue material of her shirt as he held her close. Her smile didn't falter. 

"Have I been keeping you up too late?" He asked, giving her a wicked grin. "I never heard you complaining on Friday night." 

Natalie slapped his chest lightly and pulled away, rolling her eyes. "Come on, pervert, or we'll be late for work." She walked on, arm in arm with her man, almost, but maybe not quite, forgetting the jerk who broke her heart all those years ago. 

Matt watched them walk away, feeling rooted to the spot. The emptiness inside him felt like a lead weight around his heart and he was powerless against it. Life - beautiful, torturous, untouchable life - flowed on around him. Matt stood, watching people begin their day - rubbing sleep from their eyes, yawning, sipping from paper coffee cups. Time passed, slow, painful minutes, until the bells on a church somewhere not so far off began to chime - seven o'clock. The sound startled him slightly, shaking him from his lonely reverie. 

Blinking tears from his eyes, he took a breath and willed himself away.

*