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A Band of Brigands Ch. 1

By: All by myself



I hope you like it. I've worked on this project for a long time. Feedback is appreciated.

Chapter 1.

Jimmy Roberts stood in a line fifteen people deep to punch his timecard in a steamy hellhole known to the locals, and everyone else for that matter, as Katz Industries. He hated his job, but was grateful for it. Here lately there had been a hell of a lot of people that had been laid off, including one of his roommates Billy, and the rumor was that a new batch of poor shmucks were going to be getting the boot this week. Jimmy’s other roommate Todd was in front of him and when he didn’t move forward with the line Jimmy pushed him.

“Wake the hell up numbnuts.”

Todd shot him a glance from over his shoulder and retorted, “Like you’re in hurry to start working on that damn press.”

“I sure as hell ain’t. But I want to keep this job and being late because your roommate is a retard that falls asleep in front of the time clock ain’t gonna work with the big boss.”

They finally made it to the clock and got their cards punched in time to not be late -although just barely- and were making their way to their line when Jimmy saw that Todd looked angry.

“What’s the hell’s the matter with you?” Jimmy asked.

“I wasn’t asleep.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You said I was asleep, I wasn’t asleep. I just wasn’t paying attention. You don’t have to be so damn mean all the time.” 

Todd opened their toolbox and slipped two pairs of welding gloves out and handed a pair to Jimmy. This was an old habit that even their current argument didn’t change. They had their steel toed boots laced up and their safety checks completed when they heard the intercom blare, “JAMES ROBERTS AND TODD MILLER PLEASE REPORT TO HUMAN RESOURCES.” 

The two of them stopped and stared at each other. Todd was shaking his head, and Jim frowned a little bit and shrugged his shoulders.

“Ain’t no use in freaking out yet. We don’t even know what they want,” Jim said.

Jimmy and Todd didn’t have to eat the lunches they’d brought with them to work that day. The two of them were escorted out of the building by a couple of burly maintenance men at about nine. Todd had blubbered on about how he worked hard for the company, and about how he’d do better. “This isn’t right,” he’d said, nearly in tears. “I do a good job here and this isn’t right.”

Jimmy was stone faced as usual. When the discharge papers were signed, and promises of good references and unemployment benefits dispersed, the party broke up and the maintenance guys followed the newly unemployed out to Jimmy’s car and waited for them to drive away. Todd looked like he was ready to cry, and Jimmy tried to ignore it for as long as he could. He knew that Todd was upset, and that he had every right to be, but in the end Jimmy just couldn’t stand weakness. And that’s what tears represented to him. Jimmy just wasn’t capable of not commenting on Todd’s immanent bout of weeping. He didn’t mean to be hurtful; he just had to root out what was inferior. He saw tears as weakness, and he saw weakness as catching, like some kind of virus. 

“Suck it up Todd, you big pussy. I don’t want to hear it.” He saw Todd’s lip begin to quiver and thought that his rapidly deteriorating condition was in spite of his words of warning, and not because of them. So he trudged on with what he thought of as tact. “Damn it Todd. I know this sucks, but all your schoolgirl bellyaching ain’t going to help.”

With that Todd lost it. He just put his hands over his eyes and began to bawl. Big groaning sounds of pain that even Jimmy knew couldn’t be simply from losing his job. But even though he realized it probably wasn’t only -or even primarily- his workplace woes that were bringing Todd down, Jimmy didn’t acknowledge that to him. It never even crossed his mind to offer a comforting word to Todd. He thought only about what he saw as his failure to keep the sissy from crying, and about how he’d probably have to listen to him wail for the rest of the way home.

That wasn’t to be the case however. Jimmy wasn’t the type of person to analyze the behavior of others, but five minutes later when Todd stopped crying and started to laugh, Jimmy took notice and -rather remarkably- wondered about the well being of his friend, if only for a few seconds. 

What’s wrong with this guy. He’s a freakin’ nut. A few cards short of a deck is an understatement, Jimmy thought as Todd slapped his thigh and laughed as though he’d heard a joke. 

“What the hell is wrong with you. You’re a basket case.” 

That just started Todd out laughing again, and in spite of himself after awhile Jimmy started laughing too.

Billy was reading on the couch when Jimmy and Todd got home and barely gave them a glance. Jimmy paused in the living room for a couple seconds to see if Billy was going to ask him why the hell he was home at a quarter past nine on a workday, but when Billy didn’t move, Jimmy just went into the kitchen, and looked over his shoulder to watch Todd stand over Billy wide-eyed, apparently appalled that his current situation wasn’t being addressed immediately. But Billy never addressed any situation immediately. He always sounded like every word that left his mouth was measured, as though he were perpetually on the witness stand. 

Jimmy opened the pail with his lunch in it, thought about nibbling on the sandwich, decided against it, and grabbed a spoon and his chocolate pudding instead. He stood in the kitchen and waited for the fireworks that were soon to come. Todd should have known that when Billy was in one of his moods, he wouldn’t speak to anyone unless they spoke to him first, probably so he could shoot that look of contempt he was always practicing on. After a couple minutes of what Jimmy hoped to God was pretended shock, Todd spoke.

“You’re not going to say anything?”

Billy gave him his Why Won’t These Lesser Mortals Leave Me Alone face, and turned back to his book.

“We got laid off today, you know.”

Billy continued to ignore Todd, and Jimmy still stood in the kitchen eating his pudding and trying to not smile at sissy Todd’s attempt at getting an emotional response from Billy.

“That means we don’t have enough money for rent next month. We barely have enough money for food. We’re going to get thrown out on the streets. Maybe that will help to get that book out of your hands.” Todd turned to Jimmy, looking for some back up, but Jimmy just shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his pudding. Todd, incredulous that Jimmy didn’t seemed bothered about their impending homelessness either, continued on with Billy. 

“Billy, look at me.” Nothing. No response. Then, “Billy, fucking LOOK at me!!”

Billy finally looked up at Todd and said mildly, “There’s really no need to raise your voice.”

“What do you-”

“What the fuck do you want me to say Todd!? Huh? We’re broke, and that sucks the fat one, but can I at least read a little bit before we get our electricity shut off?”

Jimmy chuckled from the kitchen, but Todd just grew more grim, if such a thing were possible. 

“Billy, I just want to talk about this ok? What are we going to do? We need to figure something out.”

Jimmy finished his pudding and walked into the living room.

“Well, I think Billy’s right, Todd,” Jimmy said, plopping down into the recliner.

“What do you mean?”

“Get your skinny ass out of the way so that I can watch Sports Center before they shut our electric off.”

Now it was Billy’s turn to chuckle as Todd turned a deep shade of red, and walked into the kitchen. He picked up the cordless phone from its receiver and walked towards the patio. 

“Good idea Todd,” Billy hollered from the other room. “You better call Sarah before the phone gets shut off.”

Billy and Jimmy chuckled together while Todd stepped outside and shut the door.

“Poor Todd,” Jimmy said. “I feel kinda bad fucking with him, but it so much fun.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“But seriously Billy, what do you think we should do?”

“I dunno.”

“That’s it? 139 I.Q. points and all I get is ‘I dunno?’”

“I dunno,” Billy repeated.

“You ain’t no help at all man.”

“Yeah, I know,” Billy said as he settled back down on the couch with a book in his hand. 

Jimmy flipped on Sports Center, and the two of them sat there, waiting for a storm that they knew neither of them could avoid. 

Todd sat outside crying on the phone to his ex-girlfriend Sarah. She’d left him to “Find herself.” That of course was an easier thing to say than “I don’t like you much anymore,” which was much closer to the truth.

“You know what the worst part of it is Sarah? They don’t even seem to care. They don’t seem to give a crap that we’re not going to have a place to live next month.”

Sarah sat in the apartment she shared with three other girls, and wondered why in the world was she even listening to him whine? Why did she even bother? 

“I try to talk to talk to them but they just look right through me. You know I…”

He continued on but she stopped listening. She felt responsible for him, that was it. That was why when he called so early in the morning, (it was barely 10) she had raised her throbbing head from her pillow and picked up the phone in spite of the fact that it was his number on the caller ID. She knew it was him before she picked up the phone, and yet she did it anyway. She had no desire to speak to him -none whatsoever- but she did. His sensitivity was what had drawn her to him, but also what had pushed her away. 

“Todd,” she said, interrupting him, “what do you want me to say?” 

He stopped for a second, probably a little miffed at being interrupted, and then said finally, “I guess I just wanted to talk. I guess it just helps having somebody there to listen.”

She rolled her eyes. “I feel real bad for you. I wish that there was something I could do.” That wasn’t really a lie either. At least not a boldfaced one. She did wish she could help, but it was out of a sense of duty. It was penance for not being able to love him anymore. She wanted to. He was fun as long as most things went his way. The problem was that Todd flaked out at the least possible resistance. It was like a house made out of cards. It only took a small wind bring it all to the ground, and this current situation was like a hurricane.

Todd continued on, talking about how all Billy seemed to care about was his stupid books, and how Jimmy was still planning on taking that girl from the factory out tonight.

“What girl from the factory?” Sarah asked, hoping her voice sounded more natural to Todd than it did to her own ears.

“I dunno, just one of those stupid girls from quality control. Why?”

“Just making conversation, that’s all.”

When Todd came back into the house, the downstairs was empty. 

“Anybody here?” he hollered up the stairs.

“Would you shut up? I’m trying to write.”

“Where’s Jim?” Todd asked, walking up the stairs and into Billy’s room.

“Am I Jimmy’s daddy? He probably went swimming. He asked me to tell you to meet him out there when you got done talking to Sarah.”

“Really?”

“No,” Billy said chuckling, “but I thought if I told you that you’d leave me alone so I could write.”

Deflated, Todd left Billy’s room, grabbed a towel from the closet, and headed down the stairs. 

Billy called after him. “Hey Todd.”

“Yeah?”

“I think everything will be cool. We’ll all go out job hunting tomorrow morning, ok?”

“Alright. See you Billy.”

“Get the hell out of here.

“Fuck you.”

“Nope. Get out.”

 *********

Jimmy wasn’t at the swimming pool, and he wasn’t with one of the girls from quality control. He was in the studio apartment of a woman he met at the gym they had in their apartment complex. He had spotted for her last week. She had given him a smile that was mostly dimples while he stood above her, and he’d enjoyed it. He also enjoyed the view as she pushed the weights up, and then let them slowly fall to her breasts, as well as a promising inch of flesh exposed from her belly button to her waist. 

Jimmy was in bed with her; the extracurricular activities finished, and the cigarettes smoked. 

“Jimmy, honey?”

Jimmy searched for her name. He thought it was a K name… Kassy, Kristin, Katie, but he wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, baby?” he asked. 

“Are you going to stay for dinner? I’ll make you steak and mashed potatoes. I’m a great cook. We’ll sit and talk.”

Since there was nothing but soup at home, (maybe grilled cheese) he should probably stay, but he didn’t think he would. He liked steak, but it was only 1:00 p.m. They couldn’t realistically have dinner until 5. That meant four hours of who knows what. They could have sex again, but not for four hours. Plus he really did want to get home. He was supposed to go out with that girl from the plant, and he needed to do something about Todd before he killed himself or went postal.

“No,” he said, finally. “I’ll need to be getting back home after awhile. I have some stuff I need to do.”

The girl stiffened. “Like what?”

Jimmy was a little pissed off that she was meddling. Meddling was the crime he felt was the worst, and the one he thought women were perpetually guilty of committing. 

“Just some stuff, that’s all.” He didn’t feel like giving this new girl the play by play of how he planned on spending the afternoon. 

“She huffed and rolled over. He took that as his cue to get dressed, and sat up on the bed and reached for his jeans.

“You’re leaving?” the girl asked, not turning over.

“I thought I might,” Jimmy said, pulling his jeans up to his hips and zipping them up.

“Why don’t you want to stay with me?”

That was a fair question. Even someone as ignorant as he was about the motivations and peculiarities of others could see that that was a pretty fair question indeed. For once in his life he decided to tell the truth to the woman that shared a bed with him.

“I don’t think I like you all that much.”

“What?”

“I don’t even know you. I’m not sure I want to spend an entire afternoon and evening with someone I just met. I need some room.”

The girl sat up. Her eyes were wide and she was gaping at him. “You could have sex with me, but you don’t want to spend a night with me?”

“How do you know you’d want to spend that much time with me. We’re talking about at least six more hours. More if we watch a movie or something. Sex only takes a half an hour. That’s different.”

“Not even that long. Get out.”

“Alright, I will. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I-”

“Get out!” 

She was crying now, and that made him a little sad. He hated to see girls cry. Especially if it was his fault. It happened often though, and as he walked the block and a half from her studio to their three bedroom townhouse, he wondered why. Women were strange that was all, he decided as he made it to his house. You’ll go crazy trying to understand them if you don’t watch it. 

Jimmy stepped over Todd who was on the floor watching one of those cable news shows and reached for the cordless phone in the kitchen. He fished a phone number out of his pocket, dialed, and listen to it ring.

“Hey, is this Mary Sue? This is Jim Roberts from Assembly. Used to be anyway.”

Jimmy fished a container of pudding from the fridge, and sat down at the kitchen table. “So what are you doing tonight.” He’d already forgotten the nameless girl from the weight room, and as he talked to her he began to wonder about how Mary’s hair would smell as he held her against him, how her skin would taste while he laid with her. 

A Band of Brigands Ch. 2



I hope you like. Feedback is appreciated. Remember to vote.

Chapter 2.



“Should we wake him up?” Todd asked.

“You didn’t need to say ‘up’.” Billy replied.

“What are you talking about?”

“You should have said ‘Should we wake him?’, not ‘Should we wake him up?’ Up is an extra word.”

“Billy, I swear to God, why do you-”

A loud thud and a stream of expletives from upstairs stopped them both as they craned their heads towards the staircase in unison. Billy smiled and began to chuckle a little bit, and Todd gave him a reproachful look. The door to Jimmy’s room opened and slammed shut again. Todd followed the sound of the footsteps with his eyes as they went from Jimmy’s room to the bathroom, not noticing that Billy sat back down and picked up his book.

When Jimmy finished his shower and left the bathroom, the first thing he heard was Todd’s high pitched voice yelling at him to hurry up. We got a long day ahead of us, so hurry up. Who was Todd to tell Jimmy anything? Jimmy would be down when he damn well pleased, thank you very much. Besides, all they were doing was job hunting, and according to Billy (Who’d been out of the workforce for nearly a month) there weren’t many hot prospects. So all they were really doing was going to the same places Billy had been before, and if Billy wasn’t getting hired, then it was a safe bet that none of them would. 

“But we gotta do something,” Jimmy said. He didn’t even realize he had spoke out loud, and his own voice made him jump just a little. 

“What did you say?” Todd asked from the bottom of the stairs.

“I said shut the hell up. I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Just hurry alright.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes and went to grab his shoes and socks. He liked to keep them by the door downstairs, but Todd had whined about them being in the way. Billy sided with Todd, and had wanted him to move the shoes too but for different reasons. 

“They stink,” Billy had said, his face like granite. Just once Jimmy would have liked to see Billy get pissed off. Or cry, or yell. Billy never did any of those things though. He laughed a lot. He had a wicked sense of humor. That’s probably why the two of them became best friends, but he never got angry. He never lost control.

“Bastard,” Jimmy said.

After the three of them piled into his car, Todd in the backseat, Billy in the passengers side, and Jimmy driving, Jimmy asked them where they wanted to go.

“Well, I’ve been just about everywhere that pays better than unemployment,” Billy said.

“What do you mean?” Jimmy asked, starting the car, and putting it into reverse. 

“Well, we made a lot of money at Katz Industries, mostly because we seemed to be the only ones that worked there that could walk and chew gum at the same time. If you file for unemployment you get a percentage of that. I think we’d get about $200 dollars a week, which is just about as much as they pay you starting out working the Fry-o-later down at Micky D’s.”

Jimmy looked at Todd, then back to Billy. He turned on the street from the apartment complex’s parking lot. “Well, let’s go the county then boys.”

“Just like that,” Todd said. “We’re not even going to look.”

“I told you, I’ve already looked,” Billy said. “I’ve been looking for the past month.”

“If what you said is right, if we’re the only ones there that could get anything done then why did they lay us off?”

Jimmy rolled his eyes and looked at Todd through the rearview mirror. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Finally he said, “They’re going to hire kids that are the age we were when we started, and pay them what they paid us when we started. They think it’ll save them money.”

“They’re probably right, you know,” Billy said, “technically speaking. It would probably be cheaper.”

Jimmy said nothing. He turned the radio to the Reds game. Billy took the everpresent paperback from his back pocket and began to read, losing himself in the world the writer created for him. Todd sat on the hump in the middle of the backseat. It was uncomfortable, but if he moved into one of the seats he might miss a snippet of information passed between the two in the front. Discussion was stilted and slow, as it always was. But Todd sat there anyway, looking out the window, the sun warming his face. 

“$200 a week is not going to cut it Billy,” Jimmy said eventually.

“No shit,” Billy said.

“We all have car payments, insurance, and credit card bills. That doesn’t leave much left over. Do you have a plan?”

“Nope.”

“You’re the one that’s suppose to think shit up. That’s the way it works. You think shit up, I get laid and beat the hell out of people, and Todd, well… Todd whines a lot and we laugh at him. That’s the way it’s always worked. And now you don’t have a plan?”

Billy looked at Todd who was blushing (which only made it more funny) and said, “Jimmy, the Ladies of the Night that work for Quality Control don’t count. It‘s different if you pay them.”

“Damn it Billy, don’t go calling Mary Sue a whore,” Jimmy said.

“She’s not exactly chaste. She’s even slept with Todd over here.” With that he clapped Todd on the back, and noticed that Todd’s eyes were as big as saucers.

“You slept with my girlfriend?” Jimmy asked. He slammed on the brakes and pulled the car to the side of the road. “Get out of the car Todd.”

“What? I didn’t do it. I swear.” Jimmy looked at him hard. “Ok, I did do it, but how was I suppose to know that she was your girlfriend.”

“Fuck,” Jimmy said. He put his hand through his hair.

“You’re with a different woman every night. Besides, I didn’t even know that you knew her.”

“Bullshit,” Jimmy said. “Get out of the car Todd. Make peace with your God little man.”

“No, honestly. We’d both just got dumped, so we went out for coffee to kind of -I don’t know- be depressed together I guess. We just sort of fell into each other. Kind of like a little bit of a respite I think. I didn’t know Jimmy, I promise.”

“Billy,” Jimmy said calmly, “what the hell is a respite?”

“It’s like a time out .”

“From what?” Jimmy asked.

“Well in Todd’s case from bitching and moaning about how much he misses Sarah.”

“Ok,” Jimmy said. Then he started the car again and pulled out into traffic. 

“I didn‘t really like her too much anyway. She talks too much, plus she chews gum with her mouth open a little. It‘s gross.” 

“Jimmy, you just threatened my life,” Todd said. “Why would you do that? Especially if you didn‘t like her.”

“It‘s like the remote control.,” Jimmy said.

“How’s that?”

“I don’t really need it after I pick what show I’m going to watch. But, I don’t want you to have it.” Jimmy smiled real big, then added, “Plus, in alot of shows there are ALWAYS commercials.”

“Well isn’t that nice,” Todd said.

“Certainly an outstanding metaphor,” Billy added.

“Screw you guys.”

“I think not,” Billy said. “But either way, back to the task at hand. Which is of course food and shelter. We don’t have enough of the former, and pretty soon we’ll have none of the latter. The solution of course is money.”

“I swear I don’t even know what you just said. Why do you always have to talk like that?” Jimmy said.

“I don’t try to confuse you, it’s just so easy.”

“Do you want me to pull this car over again?” Jimmy asked, but he was smiling this time.

“I’ll beat your hillbilly ass Jim-bo.” 

“That’s it, you little bookworm son of a bitch. You’re a dead man.”

They were both grinning now.

Let’s go camping.” It was Todd. The other two had forgotten about him, which was more the rule than the exception, and when he spoke it startled them.

“Cut the shit Todd,” Jimmy said. 

“Seriously, we can go camping. Save some money; it’s cheap,” Todd said.

Jimmy pulled into the parking lot of the Unemployment Office, shut off the car, and turned around in his seat to face Todd. “How cheap?”

“$300 a month.”

“Where is it at?”

“You really didn’t need to use the word ‘at’,” Billy said.

“What?” Jimmy asked.

“At is an extra word and a preposition. You should never end a sentence with a preposition. You should have said ‘Where is it?’” 

“It’s this place I went as a kid,” Todd said. “It’s called Cowan Lake. My aunt and uncle would take me during summer break. Uncle Marvin was retired so they didn’t have to worry about missing work or anything like that. I don’t think my aunt ever had a job in her life. Other than taking care of him.” Todd stopped and stared down at his shoes. Billy was reading again, bored with conversation, but Jimmy was watching Todd. And he saw the far away look appear as Todd was speaking about his aunt and uncle; who, Jimmy knew, had been dead nearly a decade. He saw the tears well up in Todd’s eyes as he looked down at his feet and grimaced. When Todd looked up again and there were tears running down his cheeks, Jimmy was somewhat relieved. Sure Todd was crying, but at least he wasn’t making any of those sissy sounds he made sometimes. 

“Anyway,” Todd continued, “Jim you know I never knew parents right?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy said.

“Well, Uncle Marvin used to think that it would be good for us to have a family vacation every summer. So, he took us there.” Todd’s voice was waivering a little bit now. Enough to even pull Billy from his book and turn around in the seat to face Todd. 

“It has electricity and water fountains with spickets on them, so you can fill whatever you need to fill with water. There are trails, a beach, hell we could even rent a canoe if we want. It’ll be an adventure. It’s about forty miles south of here. We can go into town and look for jobs in the mornings, and spend the rest of the time doing outdoor stuff.” 

It was quiet for a while, all of them sitting in Jimmy’s car outside of the unemployment office, the early May sunshine amplified through the windshield. It was hot, and they were all sweating, but none of them moved. 

“Does it have an indoor pisser?” Jimmy asked. 

“Yep, showers too,” Todd said.

“Whatdya think Billy?”

“I think it’s a bad idea.”

“Bullshit. You’re just pissed off you didn’t think of it yourself,” Jimmy said.

“Camping Jimmy? Come on man. You want to just get on unemployment and go camping?”

“It’s a good idea. Plus, maybe there are better jobs down there.”

“That’s outside of Wilmington right? There are NO jobs outside of Wilmington unless you want to be a farmer or pick fucking apples. Do you want to pick apples Todd? Todd, I certainly don’t want to pick apples, Jimmy do you want to pick apples?”

“No, but-”

“Cincinnati is only about an hour away,” Todd interrupted. “We can look down there. Maybe they got jobs down there.”

“But you don’t know, do you?” Billy said. 

“It’s better than sitting on our asses at least. Plus, think of the women at the beach Jimmy said. He put his fingers on his left hand together like a chef, kissed them and said,“Magnifico.”

Todd, who realized that the thought of all those women at the beach just sold his idea to Jimmy got out of the car and motioned for his roomates to follow him. “First step is getting our checks from the county.”

Jimmy looked at Billy, got out of the car and ruffled Todd’s hair. “I got to tell you Todd, this is the best idea you’ve ever had.”

Reluctantly Billy joined his roomates as they walked to county building, thinking of just how strange their summer was about to become.