2 comments/ 16980 views/ 4 favorites The Beginning of Stupid By: eldumbo The Art of Being Stupid Begins Friday May 15th, 1981 was about to be the greatest day of my life. When the sun went down that evening I would still be a jackass but at least there'd be some improvement in this wretched thing called the being I was. After twenty-eight years of being an idiot, I was finally getting laid. Thank God for that angel by the name of Linda. For most of my existence I'd been a fat ass, four-eyed and terrified of girls, that's a statement of fact. A jackass, real simple. Blame it on anything up to and including being raised American Baptist, it didn't matter, facts are facts. For a lot of reasons in early 1981 I went nuts. Stopped smoking and got healthy. Stopped eating and got thin. Got a pair of contact lens and could see. I even paid attention in grad school, not that it had any purpose in life. After all, I was still terrified of women and then there she was. I was drinking coffee at McDonald's across from the university that Wednesday morning, killing time waiting for class. For no apparent reason I watch the city transit bus pull to a stop across the street, let some people off and pull away. This beauty of a woman was standing there, waist length chestnut hair, flannel overshirt, jeans, book bag and white cane. Shit, a blind girl going to college? I was impressed. I was a jackass. I pitched the coffee and followed her to see what this was all about. At least followed her to the first intersection. We're college snots, we only thought about ourselves, not the disabled beauty trying to figure out traffic. I don't know where it came from, this rare bit of courage that infected me at the moment. "Hi, pretty lady. Can I help?" Whether it was the compliment or the offer of assistance doesn't matter, I got a smile. By the time we'd gotten to her class I also had a name, life story and a date to take a walk that afternoon after class. I'm no looker but I must have talked well. I was apparently about to talk a lot better than I ever knew possible. That was about 9 that Wednesday morning when we'd met. By 3 that afternoon we'd established the Park of Roses isn't in bloom the third week of May. We'd also established sitting on a fallen log kissing was nice but back in my car would be better. We were going to establish a lot of other things real fast as well. Little things like Linda loved getting felt up, especially since she didn't like to wear a bra, 34C's or not. She also loved having her nipples sucked, even when her moans made me crazy and I broke the skin. Linda definitely liked having her jeans unsnapped and caresses down there where she wasn't wearing panties either. What she really loved was the finger in her and coming all over it. So much so she really thought she'd love me taking her back to her place and finishing the deed I'd started. I'm a jackass, I panicked. I'd beat off just before I'd picked her up. I'd never had the sticky finger before. I'm an idiot. I dredged up a lame excuse and begged off. Friday though. Friday, let's do it then. Deal. Thirty-six hours blurs, I've got no idea what I did or thought. All that matters was I was supposed to be at her place on Broadmeadows at 9 on Friday morning. She'd be waiting, it would be nice and that was all good. I'm a jackass and I was parked there at 8. So much for health and not smoking, I chained them as I watched the clock. I'm surprised somebody didn't call the cops. Right at nine I'm out, I look up the street and a bus stops on High Street. It pulls away and here comes Linda. She's supposed to be home, I'm confused. I'm scared and I wait. Judging by the kiss I got, all my troubles were over. Actually they had just begun. She'd had to go to campus to turn in a form. She was so looking forward to this. So glad I was there. Had I been to the apartment yet? No? Oh, then I hadn't met the room-mate. Room-mate? Room-mate. Tracey, another blind woman, sitting on a couch listening to the television. How nice to meet you, are you leaving? I'm a jackass. No. No matter, Linda's dragging me back to her bedroom. We'll talk later, I'm sure. Sure and the door is closing, the disaster begins. Shit or get off the pot, junior. Linda dropped her book bag and was standing there, halter and jeans. We're kissing, the halter is opening, my shirt is coming off and it's too late to be anything but terrible. That being terrible was something I could and did do quite well. Bear in mind Linda had no idea I was a virgin and I had no idea women could be that vocal. I'm totally embarrassed I can't find the slot and the fact she was shrieking in lust while I fumbled around. I don't care how loud the TV was, Tracey was hearing it all and Linda didn't care. She just wanted laid and I was an idiot. Idiot but not totally stupid. I'd seen a porn movie or two, there was still hope. I rolled on my back, watched my cock finally stick up and not down, then moved Linda into position. I remember she frowned but she was frowning a lot at me. She got the message though and all praise to God with one lifting of her hips and slamming down onto me. Finally I wasn't a virgin any more. At least my penis was in a woman, let's say it was that, but about 15 minutes from orgasm I discovered. A nude beauty, now shrieking again as I felt her wetness coat me was pumping up and down. She arched her back, her breasts heaving and then slapped her hands together over her head and shrieked as another orgasm let go inside her. Not mine, hers, a woman who loved loving. I was just hanging on, watching her go berserk and wondering why I wasn't coming. Wondering if I was queer or something, it was so long of her humping me before I finally felt it. It, that beautiful sensation building, swelling and finally exploding. Sweet Jesus, I'd finally screwed a woman. It was some other guy who sauntered out of that apartment around five that evening. I pitied Tracey, she'd had to hear it all, the making of a stallion. Five times I'd dropped a load into Linda, three on my back, finally managing two missionaries before the session was over. I even got one from her on her knees, not as good as inside the pussy, but still a climax. I was all man, totally ready for what came next into forever. A forever that lasted exactly two weeks. Fourteen glorious days of banging a beauty, no questions asked gives a man a new outlook on all things. I stayed a jackass as well, never telling the poor thing she'd broken me in. Never having any doubt she knew after the first time I'd tried to stick her. She'd only known the art for a year herself, losing hers on a camping trip. None of that mattered, at least to me. All that worried me was the next orgasm. That and then that other guy. It was two weeks to the day that I'd lost my virginity, about 9 that Friday morning as well, when I called. Just wanted to make sure she was home before I came up to bang her again. I have no clue why she answered the phone other than to let me know my standing in life. Maybe it was just the way she chose to give the message to any guy in my situation it was over. The sound of another guy's lust grunts was my first clue I might be on the cut list of Linda's life. Hearing him tell her he was coming was another, as was her own lust growl and then the panting of a completed couple. I'd gotten what I deserved, I hoped she enjoyed getting fucked and hung up. The stallion wasn't much of a man after all. I'd catch up to Linda one more time but it was years later. I walked away from that one totally convinced I should consider the priesthood. How little I knew how wrong I was, that I was about to shoot fish in a barrel. That a man's total failure would lead to any man's greatest success when it comes to getting laid, but that's a collection of stories yet to be written. The Beginning of Stupid Ch. 02 It had seemed like a decent idea three months before. A field trip into Ohio's Amish country through the non-credit arm of the university would get me a ride in the country, a paycheck and a day to see old friends up there. A day with the real Plain People might appeal to city types, not a journey to the tourist crap. The concept had gotten better the day before when the first trip had gone extremely well. Now, on a Sunday afternoon the day after, the whole thing seemed like the best idea I ever had. After all, I was now getting the blowjob of the century. Deb had been one of the ten women and four fellows who'd been along for the day back in time. A great group, everybody hit it off and had a good time. She was a babe, I'd noticed her immediately. Tall, fun-loving and a constant smile made up the appearance. Not shy at all, a bit of the flirt and didn't know a stranger. You always tell people to stay in touch or call sometime when you go your separate ways in those situations but you never expect it. Especially when a babe had called me that morning and invited me over for coffee. Just coffee, just a beginning friends kinds of thing or so I thought when I strolled the three blocks over to her place. It was more like a woman raving about how wonderful the day had been. Recalling every detail, just so overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. So overcome she just had to curl up next to me on her couch and kiss me. Then kiss me again. Then kiss a lot, at least until somebody's body gave her away. I knew Deb had a bra on, I'd felt the straps as we had our arms around each other. I'd thought the sweatshirt she was wearing was pretty thick, it being April and all. For all that there they stood, two nipples busting out in front of me. Not a fringe benefit I'd expected from being a tour guide but not one I wanted to turn away. You read about stuff like this but it never happens to idiots like me. At least it hadn't but then it was. Almost. The sweatshirt started to slide up but hadn't even got to the cups before Deb broke the kiss and shook her head. "No, baby," she whispered, bumping my hands away and pulling the shirt back down. "I'm seeing somebody. Don't do me." Do her, the term caught my attention. For a guy who'd only had sex with one woman and then for just two weeks, I still had a lot to learn. Phrases, motions, moves, all that stuff. Especially the thing about I wasn't supposed to take off Deb's sweatshirt but she could. One motion and it was off, she was lunging forward and our lips were locked back together. I was still grasping that concept of who could undress who as kisses moved to my throat and her hand started unbuttoning my shirt. I might have mentioned it to her as a point of interest but was distracted. I also could have mentioned that her bra strap seemed to have trouble staying on her shoulder too. Just being the gentleman, I was trying to pull it back into place but mis-judged the distance. By chance, not design, my hand was on her bare breast and my heart skipped a beat. Jesus, this woman was big. There was a major blur that infected my brain at that moment, to this day images coming and going in bits and pieces. A bra got unhooked, that must have been me. My shirt was open, that was on her. Two bodies laying on a couch, magnificent breasts pressed against my chest as we French kissed, that was on us. All about to get a lot better. Lips are sweet but throats are tasty too. Slowly I kissed downwards, throat, shoulders and chest. The objective still stood straight out, Deb's bright pink nipples standing at least an inch out. I just had to mouth each one so slow, rolling the sweet treat with my tongue, feeling the beauty's body twitching under me. Getting close but never close enough. A soft hand pressed my head away as her other hand began to slide into my pants. "Don't screw me, baby," Deb panted. "Please, don't. Please. Let me please you." Please me? To a guy who was fairly clueless, that pleasing concept meant laying me but she was saying that was off the table, couch or bed. To a woman apparently seeing somebody else, that thing about pleasing meant something else. In a blink positions had shifted, kisses were at my throat and chest as I was on my back on the couch. A hungry mouth was at my nipples. I was the one moaning in pleasure. So much pleasure I've still got no idea how Deb got my pants open. That they were, my penis straight up, at least for the quick glance I'd gotten of it. That was an improvement over the other woman, me never really mastering sticking it straight out to get in her, it always seeming to want to point down. Not that it mattered at the moment, Deb setting to work, sweet kisses and licks definitely getting all my attention and giving me all that pleasure. Worshipping it actually before she went berserk on a slow, slow comer. On and on and on her head bobbed as sucking noises grew louder than my groans until finally I couldn't hold it any more and totally exploded. It was a wild animal's look in Deb's eyes as she gazed up at me, semen running down her chin and onto her chest as she struggled to swallow it all. The only other bj's I'd ever had were spit into a toilet, I was liking this. I drew her up and covered her mouth with mine. So that was what I tasted like, I was surprised. Had to stop eating soda crackers with so much salt I guess. Really surprised at that but not as I was at what was about to come next. Deb staggered to her feet, covering her bare breasts with her hands. She swallowed hard again and then panted, "Go." "What?" "Get out of here. Leave." "God," I gasped without thinking, "was I that bad?" "You're ok," Deb said, now trying to get dressed. "You're fine down there. It was nice but I can't let you stay. You can't screw me, honey. Please. This never should have happened. Leave. Please. Now." It was three blocks back to my place, three tenths of a mile to figure out what just happened. I was ok? Or was I fine? About all that made any sense was it made no sense, no rational, logical sense. Deb had given a blowjob to the field trip, the Amish, the beauty of the day, not me. I was just a tool, the representation of all that or any other bullshit I could think of to justify getting blown and tossed out immediately after. Nothing really made sense but at least I'd learned. I had another trip the next Saturday, I was going to have to play it cool, not expect this was ever going to happen again. I'd just got lucky once. I might still believe that if that next Saturday I hadn't met Ann and her family but that definitely is a story of stupid for another time. The Beginning of Stupid Ch. 03 A Study in Stupid--3 New Ways to be a Dumbass "I don't want to see you any more. Please don't call." The click of the receiver in my ear pretty well told me there wasn't any sense in carrying on a communication. I knew the score anyway, Ann just broke it off before anything happened. Not just the score, I knew all the statistics that went with it as well. Ann, another of the women who'd taken my field trip to Amish country class through the university. That had been four months before. She'd had such a good time she'd signed up her parents, her brothers, hers, their families and just about everybody she knew for trips since. All that and still found time to go out with me. Three times out with me, even if I was thinking she was a little young at 24, me the old veteran of 34 at the time. Twice it was lunch out, the third time back at my place. Tuna sandwiches and making out on the couch just the day before this magical phone call. That's as far as it went though, I didn't even get to second base. That other statistic of the game came into play when I tried to get the top button open, the fact she had a husband. Maybe she hadn't been a good girl before she married Tom but she was now, that's all that mattered. Oh well, so it goes, at least for an hour. It was that hour later when the phone rang, Ann's mother on the line. Very cool, very reserved, wondering if we might meet the next day to talk. Having no desire to be murdered without witnesses around, I suggested Wendy's for lunch. Fine, click and oh well all over again. At least I wasn't wearing a bullet-proof vest when Marsha's mile-long Buick pulled into the Wendy's lot. I thought about it, at least until a burst of sunshine opened her car door and grinned at the sight of me. An angry mother doesn't come happy, nor does she look that good. It's been a sweatshirt and jeans when she took the field trip. Now it was sleeveless red blouse, black slacks and checkerboard shoes. Then there was that matter of a greeting. We'd shaken hands at the end of the trip, nice and polite. She'd been polite on the phone but very cool. Now, in a Wendy's parking lot, she was hugging me and giving me a kiss. Something was telling me I'd never figure out women but I wasn't listening to that voice. I'd rather be listening to Marsha. For an hour I was totally captivated, intrigued by a most fascinating beauty. I didn't want to talk about me, I wanted to hear about her, no matter how much she flattered. How much she almost flirted, not that I would admit that. She was so incredibly active, I didn't want to keep her from all the things she wanted to do. We would definitely have to do this again though, and soon. A fun hour, pleasant memories as I drove back to my place savoring a new friendship, pulled in the drive and realized a mile-long Buick was in my rear-view mirror. Maybe I was all talked out was why nothing was said there in the drive. No words as we went up the steps and I unlocked the door. Not a sound in the entire universe but the opening of the door, Marsha stepping in, the door closing, locking and two bodies locked together. For nearly twenty minutes the ultimate French kiss went on, neither one of us willing to break the moment. I'm a man though, though not that much of one. I can only take so much. I pressed my tongue deep into Marsha's mouth and moved my hands to unbutton her blouse. I'd tried it with her daughter and got shut down. I expected shut down even as the first button opened. The second. Third. Fourth and I pulled the fabric back. I glanced down and got even harder. The black push up bra was almost as erotic as she was. "Old ladies need help," she whispered, our lips finally separated. "Been a long time. Gravity is an evil force to 34D's, baby boy." "We'd better free them from their captivity." I've got no idea where that came from but she seemed to like the concept. Two hooks undone, the shirt fell off, bra went with it and I was on my knees. God, she was magnificent, big pink nipples so hard and so begging to feed me I just couldn't resist an old lady's sweetness. "Not here, babe," Marsha gasped, her hands on my shoulders to steady herself as I mouthed each beautiful breast. "Don't upright me first time. Bed, baby. Love me in bed, please." She didn't need to worry about upright, I was still clueless on that at the time. I didn't need to worry about anything, a willing woman asking to go to bed, Paradise for at least the next few hours. Linda had popped my cherry, Deb had blown me silly but this magnificent Marsha was about to make me a man. Once again I knew the score this time too. She's married, she's fifteen years old than I was and I was as hard as I was ever going to be. Most of all she was letting me, letting me take her to the bedroom, letting me lay her on the bed, letting me strip her to nothing, letting me get naked and letting me back to mouth her breasts. Letting me go all the way into absolute bliss. So this was what pussy was supposed to be like.. On and on I pushed into that velvet wetness, Marsha moaning in pure joy and actually singing my praises as a man. Coming all over me as my chest crushed her breasts, pounding away in total happiness. Feeling that glorious climax explode in her, listening to her growls of lust pleasure and knowing she was more than willing to take me on again. Take me on four times in a single afternoon. Me, getting four and about to get it all. For one solid month I had no life other than to stand at stud for Marsha. It had been a long time, seven years since husband made her feel pretty. Longer since she'd been with this much man, a sure way to keep me coming. We banged in my bed and on my living room floor. Her guest bed and then into the master bedroom. Across her kitchen table and she taught me upright in the laundry room. Thirty straight days of pure missionary sex, even including a couple of late night wham bams when she was headed home from meetings at church. Thirty beautiful days and then the phone rang. "I don't want to see you any more. Please don't call." The receiver clicked and one more time I suddenly knew the score. More than I'd ever know before. I dialed her back, waited for Marsha to answer and told her I'd be there in twenty minutes. Marsha swung the front door open slowly, standing there in her terrycloth robe. I nodded at her saying she had an appointment in an hour she couldn't miss. She had to dress. I nodded again and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. We had something we had to confirm first before she took care of business. I could read her every emotion as she looked up at me and knew I'd been right in what I suspected. With one motion I ripped her robe down to the tie at her waist, her breasts heaving once, the nipples hardening. I caught her around the neck and walked her down the hall to the master bedroom. I pressed Marsha on the covers, tore the robe off completely and then ripped open my shirt and pants. I was not going to be denied. My mouth covered hers, Marsha locking into an embrace as her kisses covered my throat. I moved down, hungrily mouthing each breast as she moaned. I caught her scent, quickly mounted her and slid in, our bodies tight against each other. Marsha's legs wrapped around me and she shuddered as the orgasms poured out of her soul. She came all over me, moaning words of love and devotion until I finally went rigid and poured my lust back into her. I collapsed and rolled off the beauty, Marsha clinging to me, her hands running over my chest as I caught my breath. She moved in close and whispered, "How did you know?" "That you're pregnant?" She nodded, fought a tear and said, "You know I have to abort. That's where I'm going. He'd never believe it's his, you know that." I nodded, actually approving of her discretion. "You can't come back, you know that too. Babe, I can't resist you. Don't tempt." I nodded but I was lying. I knew I'd be back some day. A woman who said I was good, I was great, wasn't getting away but that was years in the future it turned out. At that moment, all that mattered was the moment. I got somebody pregnant, thinking with my penis, my unwrapped penis, and I'd knocked one up. Dumb, irresponsible and it felt pretty good, especially as she let me pay for the mistake. That was only fair. I'd have to be careful though, getting married out of necessity was still going on in those days and I wasn't into that. I'd have to be really careful if this ever happened again. Not that it would, not for a dumbass like me. I'd just been lucky, I knew that as I drove home that day. Crap like this never going to happen again and I believed it. For about two weeks. How little I knew I was about to find out even a dumbass can get a lot more than he bargained for, but Holly is a story for another time. The Beginning of Stupid Ch. 04 She was tall, slender and incredibly elegant, this Holly that was on another of my field trips into Amish country through the university. Fifty-five years of living had served her well, erasing about any inhibition she could have had in the past and still keeping a stunning appearance. A shameless flirt, a fun-loving woman, she illuminated everywhere she went that day. As we all said our goodbyes that evening and went our separate ways, I never dreamed it was going to be just an hour and I would begin to discover how she defined fun-loving. It was exactly sixty minutes after I'd dropped off the van and got back to the house when the phone rang. Holly was on the line, calling from the phone booth just down the street. She'd dropped her friend Mary who'd been along on the trip off at her place and was wondering if I'd mind her stopping by. I remembered the obvious wedding ring, him some bank executive, and knew this one had too much class, too much breeding to be a wild child. It would be fine, a new friend in the making and I was dumber than ape shit. After about half an hour I was finally beginning to realize sex had nothing to do with love, courtship or any other ritual we guys use to get into women's pants. It was a recreational pursuit for this lady, about like a round of golf without the greens fees. Thirty minutes at my place and I'd been laid with a promise of more, the husband away for the weekend and Holly more than pleased to spend the night if I had an extra toothbrush. Then she filled me in on Holly Life. Getting into bed did have something to do with the love thing but that was a long time before, back with the first husband. Not so much with the second and even less with the third, he'd gotten her in the feathers on the first date and married her a week later. There'd been a guy or two in between but she still had reservations every time a man turned her head. After all, God hadn't blessed her with much when it came to endowment. She was glad that hadn't been an issue with me. Then again, I wasn't an issue for her, me not getting any praise for size, apparently dwarfed by one of the previous lovers that had really been what guys claim to be. I got high marks and kept in the saddle for my staying power and frequency though, especially when morning came and four times had made me come too. A nice evening and the beginning of two weeks of OK sex for both of us. I thought in the process I was figuring out the 80's woman finally. Come to find out, I didn't have a clue yet. It was a couple of weeks later, us laying in bed after the deed was done, when Holly curled up against me and said, "Babe? I need a favor. You remember my friend Mary?" I nodded, Mary the pudgy blonde buddy of Holly's on the trip. Quite, almost shy, but seemed pretty nice. "She needs help, baby." "Sure," I said with a nod. "What can I do?" Honest to God, I was so dumb it took a full minute of Holly grinning at me for it all to sink in. It took another full minute to come to grips with the concept I was nothing but a stud to Holly and, if I wanted, Mary too. It took half a second for me to shit myself at what was said next. "Be good to her, baby and then we'll be very good to you, OK? You'd like that, wouldn't you? Take the old ladies to Heaven. Baby like?" I was all a dream, I knew that. Me, a nerd who couldn't get a feel for years let alone a lay now going to stud one to take on two? No, it wasn't real, it was pure Literotica fiction and the next day I went down on Mary. I guess I had been a whore, not much difference other than the issue of price, screwing just for the screwing. We'd all gone to lunch, Holly went shopping, Mary came home with me. Maybe we talked, maybe we didn't, I don't recall. I do remember she did let me strip her, I can get hard for a pudgy girl and she was real good, better actually than Holly. She also was about as 80's as Holly and I still didn't know shit. It was as I was helping her hook her bra up when the subject of the next act came up for discussion. Mary might be the quiet one but the concept did bring a grin to her face. "I'm so looking forward to this," she said pulling on her shirt. "It's been a while. Way too long, actually." I guess the deer in the headlights look I was giving her was Mary's first clue I was a stupid. "Both of us, silly," she giggled. "Don't get your hopes up, we're not lesbos," and then she laughed hard and long. "But you've done this before?" "Of course," she frowned. "We're married you know." Catching the blank look on my face might be a clue, Mary filled me in on their facts of the 1980's way of life. "We weren't always like this, silly boy. Holly's second husband turned us on to it. That was in his favor but we insisted it would have to be in our favor too." "Favor?" "One man, two women, his favor. Two men, one girl, her favor, see? This is going to be in your favor." "You had both ways?" "Of course," Mary frowned, my ignorance a mystery apparently. "We did Holly's second and Bob over the years. Holly let my Jack get her too. Problem?" I shook my head but I was lying. The image was good and bad. Good I was getting laid. Bad, apparently it means nothing. Common sense said get out of the mess and let it go but guys clueless still thought with a penis, not a brain. I took Mary back to meet Holly and knew it had to be all bullshit. They were just pulling my chain. All a big joke. The next day would never happen and it did. Sex as a spectator sport is not something I'd ever considered before. That Wednesday I didn't have much chance to consider that though, two women in my kitchen, drinking coffee and giggling, both of them apparently electrified by the expectation, at least by what was popping through blouses and bras. I was wondering if there was a coin flip involved but the girls were veterans. It was all figured out. Whenever I was ready, just say the word. I am an idiot, I knew better. Word. It was a dream, I was a zombie in that dream and the hell they're not lesbians. Four hours later and it was all over, my laying in bed by myself trying to figure out what had just happened. Life was coming in snippets again, not a lot different than any other sex act I'd ever had. Nothing made sense and it all had happened. I'd taken Holly upstairs first, she'd been wearing little pink underthings but I have no idea how her outer clothes came off. I got on, mouthed her breasts and was about as hard as I could get. I know I shot a gallon in her, rolled off and there was Mary. I don't know if she'd watched, if she'd just showed up, what. I just know I was naked and laid, Holly was naked and laid and it was getting real weird real fast. I would have thought a wash cloth would be in order to wipe up the mess. Mary seemed to think her tongue was better. It was the stuff in movies, not real life, one woman eating another woman's pussy in the name of cleanliness. Holly was totally helpless, what orgasms I hadn't screwed out of her coming now in gushes to Mary's effort. Then it was on me. Mary slid across, her lips setting to work on my penis, the come now dried. I'd just gotten laid, I'm not Superman and I was getting hard again. This was nuts, it was crazy and Holly wasn't helping at all. She struggled to sit up, reached over and began stripping Mary. Cleaning my penis was turning into a blowjob as Mary's shirt opened. Black bra, I remember that. Mary's head was bobbing on the little bit I was able to get up, the shirt was off and Holly unhooked the bra. Mary broke the job to grab for air and Holly caught her by an arm, pulling her back and then onto her back beside me. One woman at another woman's nipples? I was hard as a rock and totally on automatic pilot. Four hours later and I was done. The women were gone, my sheets soaked with semen and I was clueless. Still am, nothing but snippets left to the historic fact. I know I'd pulled Mary away from Holly's breasts and banged her right beside Holly, the two of them holding hands as it happened, that's a fact. I think Holly blew me, but that is a little open to debate. I know I lost my virginity anal to Mary, there was something about Holly was used to it, being little boobs but Mary liked it that way. Absolutely nuts, absolutely crazy and this good Baptist kid knew it had to end right then. No more stupidity, I was going to reform. No more humping the travelers from the tours, no more casual sex, this was not a way to live even if it was so nice. Any way, I had things coming up that had to be taken care of. I had a speech to give in a couple of weeks, a historical society convention and I'd never given a speech. That was going to be trouble enough, I didn't need being a screw machine on top of it. It was over, I was gong to be a speaker and I made my vow. Indeed I held to it, I kept it in my pants, I broke it off with Holly and Mary and I got ready to astound with words, not sex acts. That I did, the dignified professor giving twenty minutes of brilliance in front of a crowd of two thousand. Two thousand and one cute little blonde front row center. I was about to find out stupid had just begun but that's a story for another time.