8 comments/ 49018 views/ 1 favorites Clitty, Clitty, Bang, Bang By: Cromagnonman With apologies to Ian Fleming. * I flicked a speck of dust from the gleaming bonnet of my pride and joy, a British racing green blower Bentley just like the one that James Bond drove in the early Bond novels and the same car that starred in Fleming's other book Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang. It stood amongst over a thousand other gleaming and beautifully restored Vintage and Veteran vehicles that were about to take part in the Bi-annual Bay to Birdwood rally from West Beach to the National Motor Museum at Birdwood in the Adelaide hills. This year I was driving on my own, my wife of twenty years having decided that she was not prepared to compete with the Bentley for my affections, leaving me for a stuffy accountant who worked for her family company. The fall out from this development was that I would have to sell my car as part of the property settlement and I think that I will probably miss the 'old girl' more than the human old girl, at least it is cheaper to run. While we were waiting for the show to get under way many of the drivers wandered around looking at the other cars and asking the owners about their history. I had just finished posing for a series of photographs with the friends of some spectator when I was confronted by an apparition in tweed. She was tall, slender, her lines were classically perfect, her hair was shoulder length and blonde, her complexion fair and makeup understated, but who was noticing. Her voice was like honey, low, soft and smooth. At that very moment I made the decision to revoke my membership of Misogynists Anonymous. "My, what a beautiful car." "Thank you, so you like old English sports cars." "I love them, unfortunately mine is not old enough to run in this rally, but next year it will be in the Classic." My heart jumped into overdrive. "Are you going to Birdwood?" Well I can live in hope can't I? "I really only came down to get a close up look at the cars, why, are you inviting me to join you?" I couldn't believe it but my mouth beat my mind to the punch by a good half second. "Would you like to join me?" "Let me get my bag from my car, I'll only be a minute." She wasn't much more than that, "You realise that you'll have to bring me back here to get my car, don't you?" "Of course." She climbed in and sat in the passenger seat admiring the array of instruments and switches on the dash panel. The Marshall's voice came over the public address system advising the drivers to start their engines in preparation for the journey. The Bentley roared into life and the engine quickly settled into a soft rumble. "By the way I'm Felicity." "I'm sorry, I should have introduced myself, I'm Bill." The car beside us moved into line and we followed, the first part of the journey through Adelaide was slow because of the need to obey speed limits and it wasn't a closed road, but once we reached the hills the road had been closed and we could go as fast as we liked, within reason. Crowds lined the road as we moved slowly through the city and out along North East Road and by the time we had reached the outskirts both of us had perfected the 'royal wave; as used by the Queen, it somehow seemed appropriate given the car we were in. "Do you have a scarf that you can put on, it's going to get a tad breezy from here on in." Felicity took a scarf from her bag and tied it around her head, she looked even more beautiful. The Bentley leapt forward as I accelerated up the winding hill out of Tea Tree Gully passing several other cars, the Bentley, Felicity and I all enjoying the freedom of the closed road and being able to use the whole road to sweep around the corners. "You enjoy this don't you?" "I have to make the most of this trip, this will be the last time." "Oh, why so?" "I'll tell you about it over lunch, just let us enjoy the moment while we can." "Sure, can I enjoy it too?" "Only if you enjoy sitting in an old car being pushed to its limit." "There's not much better." We sat in silence for the rest of the journey because, with the increased speed and the need to run up and down the gears to negotiate the windy and hilly road, the noise level increased dramatically. Having parked the car in the concourse section of the parking area I jumped out and walked quickly around to the passenger's side, opening the door I handed Felicity out. "We have arrived safe and sound madam." "Why thank you William, I did so much enjoy the journey." "Would madam like to stand there for a moment while I set up the table for luncheon?" "And what is on the menu today?" She was going along with my silliness. "We have truffled lark's tongues, followed by pate de foie gras and pressed tongue sandwiches washed down with an excellent glass of Shiraz, then we have freshly brewed coffee to your taste with an assortment of seasonal fruits and cheeses." I lifted the picnic hamper and the table and chairs from the back of the car and set them up. Felicity opened the hamper and peeked inside, "I thought you were joking about the food, but you weren't, you really know how to spoil a girl. You must have been expecting to pick someone up, you have more than enough for two people." "I wasn't expecting to meet anyone, but I was hoping. I must say I'm not disappointed with the outcome. The hotel put together a picnic hamper for me, I hope it's okay." It was, it wasn't the stuff that I said it would be but it was a very pleasant meal if cold meats and salad, a good wine and cheesecake for dessert. While we ate I filled Felicity in on my predicament, "My wife has left me and is hell bent on taking me to the cleaners. I don't think it is her idea so much but her new partner who just happens to be an accountant whose primary goal in life is the acquisition of money by whatever means available to him. I tried to warn her about the money grubbing bastard but she wasn't about to listen to me. So here I am, trying hard to enjoy the last outing with the 'old dear' before we have to part company so that I can afford her outrageous claims against the joint property." "What does your lawyer have to say about this?" "Not a lot, he says that they have done their preparation work well and 'lost' her money in various ways so that it appears that she is living on a zero income along with the fact that her family company, of which she is the Managing Director is on the verge of bankruptcy when a year ago it was a highly profitably business, while my company is struggling because the money that I need now to develop new products for the future has been invested in her company. Quite literally, I'm being right royally shafted. Now I have to hope for a decent bid at the next Shannon's Auction for my Bentley. End of my story, what about you?" "I have a slightly happier story, I come from a well to do family, sort of local aristocracy, who went to the right schools, studied the right degree at University, met and married the right man, had the right number of perfect children who have both done the same thing and are happily building a perfect life for themselves. The only glitch in all of this is that my husband unfortunately died in a car accident leaving me with an obscene amount of money, a perfectly good company that is able to run itself with good management so that all I have to do is front up to the monthly board meetings." "Sounds idyllic." "But it isn't, I'm board witless, I have a great deal of trouble finding something to do with my life, I've grown sick of the usual 'A' list society functions, being seen with the right people at the opening night of the Opera which I find totally boring, especially the sycophants struggling to have their picture taken with the stars at the after party." "So what do you do to while away the time?" "I'm interested in art and photography, I'm writing a book on one of my favourite places and its history and I get out to events like this whenever I can." Lunch passed much too quickly and the judging for the Concourse d'Elegance took place with the Bentley winning third place. I was not disappointed with the result because the two cars ahead of me were absolutely magnificent. At around four in the afternoon Felicity and I headed back to West Beach to fetch her car. Because we were travelling slower, the road was once more open to normal traffic, we were able to chat on the way back from Birdwood. "What are your plans for this evening?" I asked hopefully. "I'm having dinner with a very nice man." "Oh." I couldn't hide my disappointment although I understood that she would have to have had a prior engagement. "It's with you silly, that is if you're interested." I was, very, my heart was beating at an alarming rate. "Where are we going and can we get in at this late stage?" "You leave everything to me, all you have to do is drop me off at my car, go back to your hotel and preen yourself for this evening and I'll pick you up at 8.00." We arrived back at her car and I was impressed, I had thought that it would probably be some safe feminine car, a BMW or similar but there, sitting at the kerb was a gleaming silver Daimler SP250 Dart. "Wow! Where did you find that?" "My father bought it new in '61 and I inherited it when he got too old to appreciate how much fun it is to drive." We got out of the Bentley and I walked around her car stopping beside her at the driver's door. I took her in my arms, she didn't resist even when I drew her to me so I kissed her. Her arm snaked around my neck and pulled my head towards her and I felt her tongue probing my lips so I opened them, her lower body was leaning into mine and I was sure that she was able to feel my cock trying to get out of its cloth prison. "I seem to have an effect on you." She hadn't taken her mouth fully away from mine so that the vibration of her words came through my lips, she resumed her kiss. "Why wouldn't you, I find you incredibly attractive." I eventually broke the kiss, "I think we should save this until later or we'll get run in for engaging in lewd and lascivious behaviour in public." "Okay, but only if you are ready to honour your promise." She slid lightly into the Daimler and the small V8 throbbed into life. "See you at 8.00." and with that she was gone. I drove back to my hotel and left the Bentley for the valet parkers to take it down to the car park, telling that I wouldn't be needing it again that evening, and went up to my suite to freshen up. I had just adjusted my tie and put on my jacket at ten to eight when the Receptionist rang up to inform me that Felicity was waiting for me in the lobby. I saw her as I left the elevator, she was even more gorgeous now. I stopped and took in the vision before me. She had a quizzical look on her face so I walked towards her. We met each other half way and embraced. "Hi, I can't believe that you are even more beautiful than before." "Thank you, you don't scrub up too bad yourself." We walked out to where her car was parked, she tossed the keys to me, "Why don't you drive." I tossed them back to her, "You know where we're going and I want to see if you can drive as good as you look. She could, and it wasn't long before we were seated at a window table at the Windy Point restaurant overlooking the city and its lights, eating a sumptuous meal. I drove back into the city with her head on my shoulder and when we got back to my hotel I asked her if she would come up for a coffee for a night cap. I opened the door to my suite and ushered her in. I only just had time to place the 'do not disturb' sign on the door and lock it when she threw herself into my arms, her lips finding mine in a kiss even more passionate that our earlier effort. My hands reached behind her and found her arse cheeks, pulling her into me, not that she needed much pulling, and I ground my hips against hers. I felt her hand pushing its way between us and move to my zipper. I moved away from her just enough for her to draw it down and slip her hand inside, grasping my cock. "You are excited aren't you." "It has been a while you know." My hand was doing its own bit of exploring having found its way onto her breast, I rubbed her nipple under my hand feeling it rise into a firm peak, and my other hand moved to the zipper of her dress and started to draw it down. She stepped out of her dress and it dropped onto the floor between us, it was then that my observations were confirmed, she wasn't wearing a bra. I bent down and took one of her nipples in my mouth and began sucking it, moving my tongue around it in circles. "Oh my God that is wonderful," she sighed as she slipped her hand under the waist band of my underpants, "and so is this." She was moving her hand up and down my shaft, I was in heaven. I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom and lay her gently on the bed. I slipped my hands under the waist band of her panties and pulled them from her, her legs were apart exposing her wet pussy to my gaze. I positioned myself between her legs and my tongue probed her pussy lips, sucking in her juices. I licked my way to her clitoris and sucked on it while her hips moved under me. "Oh my God, this feels so good, Oh God, please faster, faster, faster." I felt her pussy tense and her whole lower body began to shudder. It seemed to go on forever until she eventually stopped. She had her fingers in my hair and drew my head up to hers, kissing me deeply, tasting herself on my lips. "Now it's my turn." She rolled me onto my back and straddled my face and moved down to suck my hard cock. Her mouth was incredible, it moved up and down as she applied pressure with her lips. Her rhythm increased and so did mine, I could feel her rising to another orgasm, I could feel myself rising to an orgasm. "I'm going to cum soon, do you want it in your mouth or somewhere else?" "Be quiet!" With a shuddering explosion she came, I came, she swallowed like mad, I swallowed her juices, we removed our mouths from each other and kissed, swapping juices with each other, me tasting a mixture of hers and mine and liking what I was tasting and she tasting herself again. We lay in each others arms until we regained our breath. "Are you expected home tonight?" "I live on my own, why do you ask?" "Because I don't want you to leave me tonight, in fact I don't want you to leave me, period." "Getting a little ahead of ourselves aren't we?" "Just striking while the iron's hot, that's all. "Is that what you call him? I think you'd better strike again while I think about this." I struck, moving over her I position my iron at the entrance of her pussy and pushed it gently in until the full length was inside her, her intake of breath was all the signal I needed, I increased the tempo, pushing hard against her pelvic bone at the top of my stoke putting pressure on her clit and then slowly withdrawing my cock until only the head remained inside her dripping wet pussy before plunging my full length inside her. Felicity had three intense orgasms and it was in the middle of her third that I shot my load into her. We lay there for several minutes while the iron turned into a soft mass of flesh inside her. "You are good, do you know that?' She looked at me with half closed eyes, luxuriating in the sex that we had just had. "I was just about to say the same thing, we are," I said to her kissing her lips, her neck, her breasts, "absolutely just right for each other, I want this to go on forever." "If we keep it up at this rate we'll only last a year." "A year is better than nothing." "My sentiments entirely, in fact I have a proposition for you." "I'm all ears." "Thankfully that isn't true. But what I have in mind is this; I'll come back to Sydney with you as your lawyer and we are going to tear shreds from your wife and her sleazy accountant so that you won't have to sell up to pay for your divorce settlement, after that I fully intend to marry you and we can spend the rest of our lives fucking each other into an early grave, I do not want to die old gracefully, I'd much rather die young disgracefully." "Sounds perfect to me." And it is. Clitty, Clitty, Bang, Bang Ch. 02 The feedback I received after the first Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang suggested that maybe there was a second chapter in this saga, this is it. Felicity stirred beside me, her hand reached out and her fingers wrapped themselves around my cock, this is how one should be woken up every morning. "Good morning lover." Her voice had a sensuality about it that stirred up memories of the previous evening. Brilliant memories. "I must be dreaming, even worse I must be dead, why else would an angel be in my bed?" My hand had located her pussy, now moist with anticipation and two of my fingers entered her paradise hole, one sliding in and out while the other stroked her clit. "You realise that you're going to have to be quick, don't you?" "Never! There is no way that I'm going to speed up this process." "But you have to take your car to the transport depot so that it can be carried back to Sydney, then you have to be at the airport for your flight home, and I have to see you get to the airport on time and then arrange my affairs so that I can join you." "Why do you have to be so organised?" I moved over her and my cock entered now familiar territory, slowly bringing her to her first climax of the, day that is if you don't count the ones she had in the wee small hours. I wasn't very far behind her and we were soon in the shower removing the traces of our passion. Minutes later I was checking out. "Would sir like me to arrange transport to the airport?" Efficient to a fault and obviously working on a bigger tip. "No, I won't need transport. There are a couple of things I have to do before heading for the airport and I have transport." His eyes swept over Felicity and I could almost hear the cogs whirling away inside his head, not that I was worried about what he thought because hotel staff are the models of discretion. Car organised and breakfast over Felicity and I were in the departure lounge of the airport, "How long will it take you before you can get over to Sydney?" We sat next to each other holding hands and waiting for my boarding call. "Today's Sunday, I should have everything organised by tomorrow evening and I'll jump on the red eye Tuesday morning. I expect you to meet me at the airport, I don't fancy having to find my way to where you live in all that traffic." "I wouldn't have it any other way." I was looking deep into her eyes and detected a look of sadness in them. "Hey don't cry, it's only two days and we'll be together again." I leaned over and brushed her lips with mine. "This is the first boarding call for QANTAS flight 752 to Sydney, would all passengers make their way to gate 24." Felicity and I walked over to the gate and I checked in and got my boarding pass. "Goodbye my darling, I'll miss you. I can't believe that this time yesterday we had only just met and were driving up to Birdwood in your Bentley, it seems like we have known each other forever." She forestalled my reply with a kiss that left me and everyone around us in no doubt about her affection for me. My return kiss was merely a confirmation. The flight back to Sydney took just under two hours going on a week, I felt a new sense of emptiness having left Felicity behind in Adelaide. I would have loved to have stayed a little longer and driven back with her in the Bentley, slowly. Ah, I dream, but reality is totally different, for instance the Bentley is not the most comfortable car over long distances, and not the most economical either, and then there is the traffic, heaps of heavy transport meaning that the likelihood of a broken windscreen is a better than even chance. And then of course there is the wildlife to contend with, kangaroos are bad enough, a decent hit on one of those can wreck a car, there's also the wombats, these are fur covered mechanised concrete bollards and the damage that they can cause has to be seen to be believed. Discretion is the better part of valour so I'm on a plane and my car is on a transporter. Tuesday morning, heaven awaits me at the airport so I'd better not be late. I checked the flight arrival times on the internet for the third time this morning and it's due on time so I'd better get a wriggle on. A shit, shower, shave and shampoo later I was heading into the latter half of the morning rush three hours although I didn't mind all that much, Sydney drivers are, by comparison, more civilised than their interstate counterparts, the volume of traffic makes that necessary, so it didn't take as long as I'd expected to arrive at Mascot. I was waiting in the arrivals area when Felicity came in, she saw me straight away and ran towards me. The other people there were amazed at the vision of a 40 something woman behaving like a besotted teenager. I wasn't much better. I grabbed her in my arms and we kissed more passionately than was considered proper, but we didn't care. "Tell me, where do you live?" We were driving in my other car, a two year old Citroen owned by my company, she sat next to me with her hand alarmingly close to the lump in my jeans. "I have a two storey terrace cottage at Glebe, that's in the inner Western Suburbs. You wait till you see it, it's made of convict made sandstock bricks and has been lovingly restored, the only concession to modern design is the outdoor dunny (toilet) has been moved inside, other than that it is very much as it was two hundred years ago." "Wow, we have nothing like this in Adelaide." She stared up at the lacework around the veranda posts and along the fascia board and the soft sandy coloured bricks. I opened the heavy wooden door and she stepped inside, "Oh wow! This is even better than the outside. I can see myself living in a house like this." "So can I." I took her in my arms and kissed her, pulling her body into mine with as much force as I dared to use. It wasn't enough for Felicity, she put her hands on the cheeks of my ass and drew me further towards her. "Coffee now or later?" "We'd better have it now because once we get into your bed I have no intention of letting you go for at least 24 hours." "You're a wicked wanton woman, do you know that. I'm in grave danger of being led astray. White with no sugar?" "You remembered, yes. Can I do anything to help?" "You can sit there looking beautiful, this machine just about does it all by itself." I pushed the button on the front panel of the coffee machine, while it heated itself and went through its self cleansing cycle I got the milk from the refrigerator and a slice of fruit cake from a container in the pantry. I pushed another button and the machine ground and brewed the coffee, all that I had to do was steam the milk. We sat at the dining table sipping our coffee and eating the rich moist cake. "Where did you get this cake, it's amazing." "I made it using an old family recipe handed down through the generations from my mother." Replete, refreshed and recovered we adjourned to my bedroom and my king sized bed, it was going to cop a pounding. Under the bedclothes we were caressing each other, exploring our bodies in a slow and sensuous way, there was no rushing our love making this time and we fully intended to make the most of the time. I was kissing her left breast, my tongue circling around the nipple bringing it to an even greater erection, my hand was gently caressing her inner thighs, avoiding her pussy, she was trying to arch her hips and push her pussy onto my hand every time it passed but I withdrew it just enough to keep away from it. "Please stop that, I don't know if I can stand this much longer. If you don't get on with it I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and ravish you." My finger entered her pussy, "Oh God, Oh my God." She cried as her body shuddered its way through an orgasm, "That's not fair, you have only to touch me there and I'm cumming all over the place. I can't believe my life is so great right now." "Your life, what about mine, it has never been this good, ever." I straddled her and pushed my cock into her, we made slow, sensual love. We came often, I emptied myself into her mouth and pussy several times, I wasn't keeping score, and on one occasion Felicity came so ferociously that she squirted and we had to replace the sheets before we could get any sleep. I had forgotten how good it felt sleeping with your arms around the woman that you loved, could there be any greater sensation? I'll answer that myself, I'd forgotten all about waking up with your lover's mouth around your hard cock, that has to be the greatest. Felicity made breakfast and over coffee and toast we talked about my problems. "I don't know how they're doing it but the best part of three million dollars has disappeared from the company accounts over the last twelve months. I suspect financial skulduggery but I can't prove anything and without proof I'm sunk." "I know that I can help you here, our legal firm in Adelaide deals with commercial law and we have a very close working relationship with the ASX and the Fraud Squad. I'll ring someone and explain the situation and see what they can suggest. What I'll need from you is the name of this accountant and your wife's company name, or names, as the case may be." I provided the information before I left for work, I didn't want to go but thought that I should because if I stayed at home we'd never get anything done. Felicity rang me several times during the day to ask for more information and keep me up to date with developments, and to tell me how much she loved me of course. I would normally have worked until at least 6.00pm but today my heart wasn't really in it so I went home early. "What have you come up with?" I asked over a glass of red wine. "According to my Fraud Squad contact it's a pretty straight forward scam but difficult to prove, it involves shelf companies, asset stripping, offshore tax havens and a paper trail that is almost impossible to follow." "So what's the next step?" I was beginning to feel like Don Quixote only I didn't have a lance or a windmill. "It involves several companies that he owns and we have to track each of them down to find out where they fit into the scheme of things. Once we've established the link between all of these companies we will be able to formulate a strategy that we can use to shaft them." "I think that is enough for today, what say we go to one of my favourite restaurants tonight and try to forget about my problems for a while." "You're on, just let me get tarted up." She headed for the bedroom to change. My favourite restaurant wasn't trendy so we weren't rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous, but the food was brilliant, the wine list extensive and good and the service was quick, polite, and if you weren't in a rush they didn't push you. We weren't in that much of a rush that we didn't have time to enjoy the food. Michael, the waiter, was attentive without being intrusive, his menu suggestions were good choices and his wine suggestions blended beautifully with the food. "I can see why you like this place." Felicity said as we left, "it has a comfortable ambience about it that is so natural that it couldn't possibly be put on." "Michael and I go back a bit, when he first started there he was a little unsure of himself. I encouraged him to be himself and let his personality dictate how to treat each customer and not try to be someone he wasn't. The type of clientele they get there can spot a phoney a mile off." We arrived home, I locked the car, set the alarm and immobiliser and went inside. I drew Felicity to me and hugged her tightly. "I loved this evening, I felt so comfortable with you that I can't believe that we've only known each other for a couple of days." "Don't get too comfortable Buster, that would be the death of a good relationship." By the time we had completed this exchange we were in the bedroom and undressed. "Come here," I held my arms out to her. "I want to hold you close and not let you go." I let her go, eventually, and then it was to lift her up and place her gently onto the bed. I kissed her fully and completely and my hands began their tour of duty on her body, no scratch that, it was a tour all right, but it was a pleasure and not a duty. When my fingers entered her pussy she began groaning and her back arched so that she could take more of my massaging fingers. Some time later Felicity shuddered her way through her fifth or sixth orgasm, it was a soixante neuf, and I had just had my third, we lay panting beside each other, the aroma of lust pervaded the room. "We'd better get some sleep, we have a lot of work to do tomorrow." How can she be so practical at a time like this, all I wanted to do was lay there with her in my arms. Today was Thursday and I'll remember it for the very best reasons; it was this day that I realised what an incredibly brilliant person Felicity was, she not only discovered how my wife's money got 'lost' but came up with a scheme whereby, even though my wife didn't have access to it, the amount was included when calculating the marital assets, my Bentley was safe. On this day I also found out how gullible my wife had been and later, how vindictive she was to become, I also found out what a conscienceless conniving arsehole her partner was. "We have them!" Felicity burst through the door as I was making myself a cup of coffee, I forgot the all about coffee, with the news she had for me I didn't need caffeine for a lift. "Not only have we found her money but we have uncovered a money laundering operation run by him that will see him inside for many years." "Slow down, now start from the beginning." "Well, when we were tracing the companies that he controlled we were able to follow the paper trail. He was using her money and by shifting it around the place, was able to use it as part of a scheme to launder drug money for a friend of his. The Drug Squad will raid him and seize his assets including her money, but because she can claim that she trusted him and had no knowledge of what he used it for she will get it back, eventually. Meanwhile it is hers and becomes a part of the marital assets." "So where do we go from here?" "When is your divorce hearing?" "Week after next, why?" "For starters I want to be at the hearing just to see the look on her face when all of this comes out. Timing is paramount, I'll arrange for the Drug Squad to arrest them outside the Family Court just to rub salt into the wounds she will be carrying after the hearing." "Wouldn't it be better for the arrest to take place inside the court?" "It would, but no can do, the Family Court is a Federal jurisdiction while the drug investigation is a State matter." * * * It was great! The look on their faces when Felicity started asking them about various companies and outlining how the money was moved around to lose it from her company assets. The look of total shock when she realised that the best laid plans had indeed gone astray. She went through several phases; anger at me for bringing in an expert to unravel the scheme, anger at him for coming up with a foolproof plan that didn't fool everyone, and even more anger at him when Felicity revealed that he had been syphoning off the profits from the enterprise into his private accounts. I did allow her to keep the marital home, I didn't ever want to see it again. Felicity and I celebrated our success with a sumptuous feast, at home, and a night of unbridled lust. "What are your plans now?" Felicity asked during a momentary halt in the lustful festivities. "I'm thinking of selling my business and buying a winery in South Australia and retiring to a life of ease watching grapes grow, after I marry you of course." "I assume that is your way of proposing, if so I accept most enthusiastically, and as for the winery, I actually own one. It was my father's and I inherited it along with the Daimler. It's in McLaren Vale where the best Shiraz in the world is produced, and we produce some of the best, and it will be my wedding present to you." "Wow! A friend of mine years ago said that the perfect wife would be a hotel owning nymphomaniac, I've got news for him, I'm getting the perfect wife, a gorgeous looking woman who is clever, incredibly sexy and sensual and who owns a winery. What more could a man want?"