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My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice.

By: Jack Gates



Terry takes Alice's smalls off the line.

Just a short story to create a giggle or two.

The rain was coming on and I ran out on my zimmer to get my clothes in. I was putting the peg basket away when I noticed that Alice the widow woman next door to me had some out too, so I went across and took hers off the line too. She came out with her washing basket just as I was finished.

'Thank you Terry. You are so good to me.'

'There you are love, when was the last time a guy handled your knickers?'

'You know, Terry! I forget! Not since my Bert was alive, that's for sure. Give you a thrill, did it?'

'Get away with you, you would slap my face if I told you the truth!'

'Don't tell me you fancy an old bat like me?'

'What if I said, yes! You still have a nice ass and a marvellous pair of legs on you.'

'That's a blooming laugh! I have had that many operations, Darling, they maybe have sewn it up!'

'I could always check it out for you, Love.'

'All you want is one of them dirty white macks, because you are getting to be a dirty old man, Terry flipping what's-your-name!'

'You know you love me, really.'

'I know one thing. From now on I'm going to wash me knickers everyday and pray for rain!' She laughed and turned to go into her house. The rain got heavier so I put my zimmer into second gear and zoomed back into my own place.

Later, I sat by my fire and thought back to my Jenny. Been dead five years, now she has. God bless her soul. She was a virgin when I married her. Broke her in on the first night of our honeymoon at Great Yarmouth. The Landlady gave us fits, she did. Jenny was a screamer, every time I made her cum, she would yell out like one of them there banshee things. She was a squirter too. Had to fork out more money to the Landlady to keep us in clean sheets. The Landlady was mortified!

Jen liked reading sexy books and magazines. If it had sex in it, Jen would read it. I didn't grumble about it, because of her reading and her wanting to try out all the things she read about, well, I had great fun, didn't I? Guess we taught ourselves the Kama Sutra, what ever you call it? I don't know. Knowing Jen she could have wrote a better book than that one, in the Queen's English too. I reckon me and my Jen put the word porn into pornography, no kidding, we must have done, you know? Over the years, we did!

Then there was the day when we were up the Flea Market, she lamps this book and barters with the guy for it. She got it for 50 pence. It was full of the dirtiest pictures I had ever seen! Guys fucking women up their asses and guys fucking other guys up you know where. Cock sucking galore being done by guys and gals and guys with other guys. It was wicked!

Jen did most of her reading on the loo or in the bath. Seldom in bed because we were always doing other things in there. Needless to say, true to form she disappeared into the loo as soon as I got her home. All I heard through the door was, 'Oh my God! Is that possible! Oh! Jeez! That one is so big! That guy is loving that cock up his bum, that is for sure! Oh my God!' I was down stairs drinking a pint of best bitter, thinking of the capers we were going to get up to later.'

By this time, with my horny thoughts I was sitting in my chair nursing a dilemma type hard-on. A dilemma because it was a rarity. But, erect, thank you very much. It was then, that Alice came to borrow a cup of sugar!

'Did I do that to you, Terry Watkins?'

I looked up and nearly had a bleeding heart-failure, didn't I? My cock shrivelled up and disappeared back into its hole like a spurned Jack Rabbit!

'That's what you did, Alice! Nearly frightened me to death you did! Why don't you wear a blooming bell around your scrawny neck? Or, try knocking a man's door before you barge in here like you own the place. Is it you I pays me rent to?'

She sat in the chair opposite and started to cackle like an old fish-wife, she did.

'If you want me to do something for you, Terry?  You only have to ask.'

'What you? With your gnarled fingers and prune-like pussy? It must have withered and died by now.'

'Would you like to see it?'

Got another shock I did! She lay back and opened her legs to reveal she wasn't wearing any knickers and she put on display for me the perfect pudenda! It was shaved as clean as a whistle and it was the mound of a baby! Honest! I aren't joking! The cleft was slightly apart with pink broccoli oozing from the slit. Guess what? There was a resurrection! He who only hardens occasionally had hardened twice in one day! Thanks to Alice. St Johns Close had become a Wonderland! I mustn't boast about it, they will stop me flipping pension, won't they?

The brazen bitch was laying back caressing it with her fingers. I took my cock in hand and started to man-nip-ulate. Wow! It was nice! By now we were staring at each other and making sweet music, Alice on her Alice-Harp and me on my Terry type flute.

'You want a fuck?' She almost pleaded.

Hastily, at a geriatric speed of light I threw down some cushions and pulled myself up with my zimmer and then got old Alice to her feet and got her to squat her ass on a cushion and to lay back with her head of silver grey hair on the other. She herself pulled up her lambs-wool jumper and her cross- Alice's - Heart bra. Amazingly her tits were quite nice too. She must have starched them before coming over to me. I even undid me own braces and dropped me trousers to the floor together with my y-fronts which by now were more like w-fronts. Who cares? games on! Clutching my faithful zimmer tightly, I lowered myself to the floor and Alice, in that order. Both of them sighed, I don't know if it was passionately or with fatigue. For my ego's sake I hope you vote for passion. God I was thumping! Throbbing! Ready to go.

'You want me to help you? It's gone down again, Terry.'

'Whose damned idea was this anyway? You got a foot-pump, or something? You had better take your teeth out!'

'You will need to come up here, I can't reach it down there.'

'In that case, you will have to send for Pickfords.'(crane hire firm)

'Stop your moaning and get your ass up here.'

'Time I said those very words to the wife, Alice.'

'Oh! No! Not another ass freak! My Bert was like that. I hated it and loved it at the same time, it was weird. When he didn't do it for a while I would get down on my hands and knees and beg for it.'

That's the best position to get it in, Alice.'  

'If you want it that way you will have to think up another position, my knees are killing me with arthritis!'

'Will you stop your yapping woman and get your mouth round it. Ouch! Did you take your teeth out?'

'Sorry, I forgot. You will have to keep reminding me. What are we on the floor for?'

'Damned if I can remember. You will have to help me up.  Some fool as taken my trousers down.'

Half an hour later when they finally managed to get back to sitting opposite to each other.   

'Do you think I have a nice pussy, Terry?'

'Of course you have, Alice! What did you ask a daft fool question like that for?'

'Oh! I just noticed I didn't have my knickers on and just thought I would ask. Shame about your cock though.'

'What's wrong with my cock?'

'Don't know, I seemed to remember they used to be harder and a lot longer!'

'Mine gets that way sometimes. Was, before you came in just now. What did you come in for, Alice.'

'I thought you would like to fuck me.'

'Of course I would like to fuck you. Lets do it on the floor.'

Jack

My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice. Ch. 02



'Good morning, Alice! Oh! I did not know you had company! I will speak to you later, Love.'

'Don't go, Terry! This is Molly, my daughter! I was telling her all about you. What a lovely man you are! Say hello to Terry, Molly.'

'I must say you have brought back a grin to my Mum's face, Terry. I am very pleased to meet you. I'm a lonely widow-woman too. I was wondering if you had some of the joy you give my Mum, for me?'

Before you think I am cradle snatching. Alice did tell me about this daughter of hers and I happened to know she is fifty-nine years young. A little bit plump here and there, but still a nice looking woman. She was no shrinking violet because she got up laboriously from her chair and grabbed my old bones and gave me a smacker on my lips that even a vacuum cleaner company would have given thousands to get hold of. Of course old Alice was back to her grinning again and me not noted for my bravery when facing extreme peril...Wanted out of there! 

I was Mollified! My heart was palpitating alarmingly. I sat down on the couch because my legs were crying out for my trusty Zimmer. Being macho and a show-off at heart I had bravely walked across to Alice's unaided. After all, if you want to get into a girls knickers you have to prove that you are capable, don't you? Although, saying that, since the first time, I hadn't exactly required a shoe-horn to get into Alice's best knickers. In fact, I was a bit worried about my benefits, Social Services might think old Alice and I were co-habiting! 'No! Your Honour, old Alice and me, we were just being a bit friendly!'

Sitting on the couch was another mistake of a mammoth size. Molly sat next to me. She sat down and I was elevated so that we were seeing eye to eye again. Which wasn't a good thing because Alice - aiding and abetting the conspiracy -  had quietly slipped through to the kitchen with the aid of her Zimmer. This did not go unnoticed by Molly who attacked me from all quarters. I struggled passionately and protested gallantly, but to no avail!  She mauled me into a kissable position and tongue lashed my tonsils and had my cock out of my pants quicker than you can say, 'John Thomas.' Molly has the hands of a farmer's wife. I never had a chance!

Watch out! Alice is back!

'Molly! Will you stop that! Terry don't want you sprawling all over him like that. Behave and be gentle with him. Maybe I should teach you the facts of life, Girl! When I told you about the birds and the bees, I meant that it was for human beings too. Not as you ever were a human being, Molly! Why don't you place him on the chair-lift and take him upstairs and show him that you can be a nice girl.'

'Oh! Can I, Mummy? Come on, Terry! Let me help you upstairs. What I'm going to give you will be much better than all them pills the doctor gives you to keep you alive. I have proved you are still alive, I gave you a hard-on didn't I?  Or is that because riga-mortis has already set in?'

On the way up to the upper floor, Molly danced attendance by hugging me tightly so that I could not make my escape. Some how her bodice had come undone and her bra which clipped together between her Kilimanjaro like boobs was also open and so was providing me with a vista of ample feminine loveliness. My bi-focals were playing havoc because it was as though I was surrounded by mountain peaks.

From the top landing until arriving on my back on Alice's bed was meteoric. She just scooped me up like a bride over the threshold, carried me at the run and plonked me down on protesting bed- springs. I heard the motor of the chair-lift whining and knew it had gone back down to pick up Alice, not as Molly needed reinforcements. At my time of life, two anxious pussies would mean my sudden death by misadventure. The well known saying, 'Dying laughing.' Was a sombre thought, but at this moment, possible. A myriad of Zimmers sporting celestial wings flashed across my conscious mind. I watched them disappearing into the clouds until!

'Look at me, Terry. Please, look at me!'

Dare I? The bravery thing was irking me again. I shrugged nonchalantly and opened just one eye, then two! Molly was naked and filling my vision, wall to wall. Come back Sharon Stone, all is forgiven! Her thighs were like a giant nut-crackers! A true reincarnation of the Grand Canyon, even down to it's multi cacti undergrowth. Amazingly her forest of pussy hair was jet black which was probably down to the knowledge of her dear departed husband who was an arable farmer with a sound know how in the use of potassium-nitrate fertilizers.

Molly moved towards me to reveal Alice who was half the size and a quarter of the weight of her Daughter.  Sweet Alice was naked too. and also hell-bent in her quest to get at my body trapped on her bed. A body in mortal fear of the unknown. The bedstead screeched angrily when Molly just stepped up onto it as if it was but a piffling stepping stone and marched to the wall-side of the bed and flopped down and caused a high reading on the Richter Magnitude Scale. 

Meanwhile, Alice, featherlike, came into my welcome arms, because out of the two luscious specimens of feminine delight I chose the one who I knew would be more gentle on the fair, wear and tear of my bone-structure. I kissed her and she kissed me back so lovingly, I immediately thought of asking her to share Zimmers with me. Her touch on my testicles was fairy-like and arousing. Then I felt her fingers walking up my shaft, measuring, an inch at a time. Unconsciously I went to the fingers of my other hand when she got to five.

It was then the bed shook. Eeeee! Fi! Fo! Fum! Molly pounced like an ogre of ill-repute and my cock disappeared entirely into her mouth which made my bollocks jump with abject fright! Another hand rumbled underneath me and a dildo sized finger prodded my anus, painfully. For the first time in my life I cursed my Mother for giving birth to me. I was just getting my lungs refilled with air when she burped around my cock and her teeth scraped my shaft sorely. I yelped and pulled my cock out of her mouth together with her top dentures. When I looked at her I had to laugh because her lips were trapping her bottom set which was half out of her mouth too. I turned back to kissing Alice while Molly took care of her dental chaos. I moved over Alice and her deft fingers eased my cock into her wet pussy.  Alice and I made love, she was such a gentle soul and I was a tiny bit in love with her. I loved to please her sensual needs. Molly, strange enough, respected the fact that she would have to wait to be sated, if that was at all possible by me or a thousand other virile Viagra taking males.

When Alice was content, which graciously she showed charmingly on her serene sweet countenance.  She quietly left the bed and smiled wanly at me as if she was thanking me for my bravery and wishing me luck for my future survival. It was though the whole of the world's population of males was relying on my strength and fortitude to with-stand Molly's endeavours to put me and the male-world at large in our place and that is underneath women.

Fiddlesticks! to that! Was my silent cry! Outwardly I was quaking. Alice had taken away my arousability. My cock was as flaccid as a plate of day old porridge oats! I did not see any immediate chance of it signing on back to duty again. No Boots and Saddles bugle calls would bring John Thomas back to arms, or for that matter the undiscovered depths of Molly's pussy.

For a moment I thought of my distant Zimmer standing alone by the fireplace in my warm and comfortable cottage, the safety and the sanctity and of what possible chance I had of ever getting back there. Life was so cruel and getting shorter for me each passing minute!

However, my fate was in the hands of the Goddess Molly as once again the bed springs protested and she moved down and popped my soft dick into her mouth as if it was a gob-stopper of the peppermint flavour and she started to suck on it, chew on it and she was slowly but surely inching her loins towards my mouth, and suddenly my visions of a Purple Heart were blacked out by Molly's massive thighs. The air and light were shut off at the same time to be replaced by the ventilating shaft of a fish canning factory pumping its rancid air into my quivering nostrils. Suddenly my normally clean shaven face had a black beard and moustache which was emitting copious juices, in-flowing into my mouth at the rate of one litre a second.

In my time I had been known as an expert muff-diver, in fact my scout uniform sleeves were inundated with muff-diving prowess badges, all with accompanying bars and stars, but this thing with Molly! It was above and beyond the call of any man to do is muff-diving duty. It was inhuman!

I was just about to die because of asphyxiation, when her thighs suddenly opened, it was instant resuscitation. Short lived though, because she moved over me and pushed head back down again.

'Lick my asshole. Terry. If you are going to put your cock anywhere its going to go in there. I have never have had a cock in my ass and it has been a life time fantasy. Make my dream come true for me, Terry. Please fuck me in my ass! Daddy often did it to Mummy that way, but my husband would not do it to me. I found myself staring up at her brown hole and shuddered. I gripped her buttocks with locked elbows and prayed for cavalry to charge into the bedroom.

That accounted for the KY jelly and Vaseline I had seen in the bathroom and I had wondered about it. So, old Alice took it up her bum! Molly would not always be around to save Alice's bum from John Thomas.

'If that is what you want, Molly. That's what you will get. Nip into the bathroom there is some KY jelly in there, it was especially made for this tight asshole of yours. Mind you, I would be doing this under duress. I don't want you putting the death lock on me again. I thought I was a goner in there. There was no need for the nuclear bomb with you around. I bet all our enemies would queue up to die voluntarily if they knew they were going to meet their maker that way. Especially if you suck them off as they go. That certainly is a cavernous cunt you have! If Alice and I want to end it all peacefully, we will be sure to give you a call.'

She laughed and rolled off the bed and waddled off to the bathroom. I heard her having a pee it was long and gushing as if she was using a fire hose. It made me think of the trout stream joke. I waited until she pissed herself laughing and I was up that stream like a trout! I think the lady in question had an awful lot of pubic hair.

I was gently hand rearing John Thomas when she made a re-appearance brandishing the KY like a fairy with a wand. In both cases a procurer of intimate miracles.

She tossed the tube to me and bent over the bedside chair. I screwed the nozzle onto the tube and moved in behind her and her legs were shaking. It was like sticking a needle into a haystack.  I emptied what was left in the tube and finger fucked her bum for a few minutes and nosed my cock into her posterior opening. There was a sudden whoosh and I gasped as I braked hard to stop my balls going in there as well! The adage, 'She will suck you in and blow out your boot-laces! Had always been funny before. I know ships have bilge pumps, mind doth boggle!

The heat around my cock was immense! I think she had been imbibing spinach into her arsehole, an old sailors trick, I believe. I didn't have to move a muscle! To tell you the truth I was scared. She just stood there and rocked using her inner muscles to milk my cock. It worked. She was raking her pussy like a posse of gardeners, first with one hand and then the other.

Her scream of, 'I'm Cumming!' sounded as if it had come from the Queen Mary in a fog! the windows rattled and the neighbours on the other side hammered hell out of the adjoining wall.

Where I found the energy to stagger home, and bolt all the doors and windows, I have no idea. I collapsed on my bed and slept for two days and two nights, prizing open my fridge for sustenance on the morning of the third day after Molly.



My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice. Ch. 03



For those who do not know a zimmer is a walking frame to aid the lame.

For a while after Molly, I borrowed a brigade of Beefeaters off the Queen to stand guard over my bones and to tell me when Molly's car came through the gate. So, successfully I was able to take on the mantle of the Artful Dodger.

On my almost daily sojourns to Alice, I gave her three bells on the phone and if it was Molly-Clear I zimmered round there at the speed of sound. It was amazing the change in her. Always a big grin and she counter-zimmered into my arms on sight. Of course John Thomas was always pleased to see, feel and wriggle its way into her. She always welcomed him with open legs.

On this bright sunny June day she told me that Molly had mentioned our anal-intimacy to her. She looked at me as though expecting rebuke when she said it. I smiled, shifting John Thomas to a more comfortable place along my thigh, and replied with an embarrassed gulp! 

'So much for secrets! She told me you and the Tenant Farmer used to do it a lot.  'He' who Molly keeps in residence on her farmstead has never had the courage or the rampant desire to do it to her.'

'Yes, my Reggie was a horny badger if he caught me bending, and I used to bend over a lot. It first happened to me in a field of kale. In those days we used to weed by hand. Just me and him, it was. He was always tapping me up, fingering my pussy. We were not married then. Didn't know what condoms was. Then, there was this day, he was more rampant than usual and I ended up flat on me belly in the amongst the kale rows. My nostrils digging a furrow in the soil. A disturbed very irate worm came up from its subterranean depths, glared at me with angry eyes and wriggled away, to my relief. I have never had the joy of a worm up my nose in a kale field before. Has anyone found out if worms screw them selves? Having incest with ones upper half or if one half happens to be a 'bottom' if you get the gist?! 

Anyway, getting back to he who is trying to penetrate!  He told me I couldn't have no babbie if he put it up my arse. By this time he had wrestled my knickers down to my knees and when he said he was going to put it up my arse. I got up to scarper and fell ass-over-tit, I did.  Well. over my knickers which were by that time interlocking my ankles. He pounced on me and got a wee bottle of olive oil out of his pocket. And he told me to rub it on his cock. He made me tell him why I was putting oil on his cock. When I said to stop it squeaking? He pinched my nipple through my jersey. Never wore a bra then. Didn't think myself posh enough. (sniff!)

He made me spell out all the naughty words to him, you know, words you would only want to use in a kale-field.

Normally, I never wore knickers, I only wore them to tease Reggie. Quite often I would flip up the back of my skirt and show him my knickers and he would chase me into the barn or an outside loo. He wanted to put it in me, but I would not let him until we were married. I used to play with his cock and make it cum all over. I would let him frig me if his hands were clean. He used to moan at that, saying my pussy was a lot more smelly than his hands. The cheek of the young man. Well, he was a young man then!'

Alice paused for an asthmatic breath and went on:

'Anyway he finally got his big dick into my bum out there in the kale field. It was our first fuck. It was sore at first, but I quickly got to like it. I think it was because I was as desperate as him to have his cock in me. Started to happen a lot then. Mainly in the hay loft. The more we had it, the more I liked it. Of course Reggie was all over me like a blooming measles rash.

Even after we were married we carried on doing it and decided to only do it the other way when we wanted to have a kid.'

'There is no way you can have kids now Alice, my love!'

'I know, but there is no way you are going to get away with not putting your cock up my ass, Terry. Not now, not after you have already got it up my Daughter. She's got a friend, called Freda, if she tells her, you will be for it! You think my Molly is big! You wait until you try and swing your leg over Freda! You will need Mountain Rescue teams standing by. She has never been married. Ain't a man on Earth brave enough! I told her I would put in the hat for her to go to Mars. She just laughed and the wind out of her mouth blew my best vase off the mantelshelf. I was cross. It was my Mums. They gave it to her for knitting the most scarf's and socks for the army during the last war, they did!'

'She sounds like a really big red hot Mamma! Freda, I mean, not your Mom.'

'She used to go out with this all-in-wrestler. Man-mountain he was. Every time he fucked her, he used to put her into a full-nelson wrestling hold so that he wouldn't fall off her and break something.'

'Think I am going to move out.'

'Freda asked one guy for sex and he asked her if she was insured? He was afraid she would flatten him. When she said no, he told her consummation was a, No-No! He was a great bike rider. He got on it! By the way!  I have restocked with KY Jelly and Vaseline, Terry, come upstairs and I will show it to you. One of the KY tubes is just dying to have its cap twisted off and its nozzle fitted so that it can be slid into something warm and receptive.' I looked at her over the top of my spectacles.

'You are turning into an old tart, Alice. That feels nice! You have a way with John Thomas.  Mmmmmmm!

'I can't wait to have you slide him into my bum.'

'Did you manage to get the chair-lift fixed? I don't want to be trapped up there if Molly comes. I don't like the idea of us being upstairs and she downstairs in charge of the electric mains switch which is down here, Alice. It took me three weeks to get over our last meeting with your Molly! As for that Freda woman -  already -  I have palpitations!'

'Freda cannot get here unless Molly brings her in the car and I don't think she will risk Freda in the car just now as it is due it's Ministry of Transport Road Serviceability Test. Molly keeps going on about last time Freda was in her car, she farted into the upholstery and nothing will shift the brown stain she left behind, from her behind -  I think they fell out over it. It has been like the war of the Trojans ever since.'

Pausing for another lung filling breath, she went on, 'The last time they fell out, Freda was arrested by the police and they had to get a gorilla cage from the local circus to put her in to get her to the police-station. One guy had the nerve to say she was fat! She hit him and they tried to put her in one of the cells for the night only they could not get her in. What scared them most was if they got her in and they fed her, they would never get her out again. So, they released her. That wasn't the end of the story, Terry! When they took the cage back to the circus, the circus owner wanted to know where Freda lived so that he could sign her up as she was a much bigger attraction than his gorillas. He also wanted a mate for a male gorilla who was pining for a mate. The gorilla had already fucked two of the male keepers and he was scared the hornery thing would go gay!'

'Blimey! Alice! I don't know, about Freda! You should be on the London Palladium with the stories you tell! If you weren't occupied pulling my cock I would have thought you were pulling my leg, Girl!'

'Think we will have to help each other to the chair-lift.'

'Yeah! You go first, Alice.' She did laugh! She faced me with her legs open all the way up to the top landing. Brazened hussy. I had no idea she wasn't wearing her knickers. By the time I struggled up there on my own, she was naked, sitting on the loo. Using a ball-douche up her bum. Door wide open for all to see!

'You want a go at this, Terry? It's nice! My Reggie loved it up his bum! He bought me a strap-on. You want to see it?'

'No, thanks, Alice. I have a douche round home, I use it twice a day, everyday, three times on Sundays. As for the strap-on, guess you would be better at it than that there gorilla you were on about!'

''Ask a silly question, should of known you would joke about it.'

She did not seem at all embarrassed that I was looking at her, even at her age there was great beauty to be seen. She had suffered a dislocated femur a few months back and had suffered with leg ulcers for years and since the operation they had miraculously cleared up. Now her legs look quite young, her bum muscles were still firm and there were no wrinkles or skin sag as you would expect to see in a woman her age. Her breasts were 34c and there was very little breast sag either. She often lifts them in her hands so I can lick and suck them. She is quite proud to offer them to me. So she should be. As a farmers wife she has had a hard life working to all hours, seven days a week. Now she was blossoming into a lovely geriatric! Every time I look at her and I feel soft hearted enough to want to polish her zimmer for her. Don't you dare laugh! Zimmer polishing can be an arduous task -  not to be tackled lightly!

I was a solicitous gentleman and helped Alice up off the loo, just in case she became a fixture. Walking arm in arm towards the bedroom, well that was until I felt her fingers foraging inside my the back of my track-suit pants and undies. Needless to say, I also articulated my hand to her freshly washed anus.

'You will be gentle with me won't you, Terry? It has been a long time since I've had it that way?'

'What way, Alice?'

'You know!  Up my bum!'

'Are you sure about this? Alice, your daughter is a lot younger than you are! She's more plump around the rump than you are.'

'I thought you said you liked my ass? You said I had a nice shapely ass!'

'I like rice pudding as well, but I wont eat it with figs in it.'

'I am not asking you to eat my ass, Terry! Although from what I can remember back when my Reggie used to do it to me, I guess I could grow quite partial to it again, Darling! What! What you laughing for, Terry?'

Laughing! I was holding my sides, creasing myself, after I regained control of my laughing-box I managed to splutter, 'I was thinking about the gorilla licking Freda's arsehole, the thought tickled my fancy, Alice! God bless the woman, I have not even lamped my eyes on her yet!'

'You wont want to, Love. There is hell of a lot of Freda to look at It is the gorilla you should feel sorry for, poor thing.'

'That's what I love about you, Alice. You are so thoughtful and compassionate!'

By this time Alice was climbing onto the bed showing me her bare ass and pussy. I couldn't resist it and I goosed her bum. She looked back, grinned one of her best grins and waggled her bum. I heard the bones creak. It was not unlike a skeletons tea-party. All we needed now was the ketchup.

As the maid was out for the day, I undressed myself brazenly flaunting myself. John Thomas was forlorn and refusing to leave my testicles on their own, which was not the solidarity I was expecting, demanding from him. Maybe it was because we hadn't had lunch, we are usually sitting together, him snuggling into my ample lap at the lunch table at this time of the day.  If I am not wearing my tie, tit-bits usually drop down to him from my dribbling lips. Like me, he his also a creature of habit. To him, sex at lunchtime was not a usual habit, at least not in the last decade or two.

Getting back to Alice who had by this time had eyeballed my serious geriatric droop with that knowing smile on her face, I hate women with loose morals. I knew what she was thinking, 'he's been playing with it again!' Reminds me of my Vicar. He has always got a condescending look on his face when he sees me as if he is saying to him self, 'Welcome to Masturbators Anonymous, obviously being a Vicar, he is the President and chief masturbator. I have a good mind to get my own back and send Freda into him. I don't think the gorilla would mind a respite. It may even make the Vicar into a human being, like me!'

'Now where are you, Terry? What you thinking about now?'

When I had finished narrating to her she laughed and said, 'Come here you daft thing! Let me suck it back to life for you. Even if I have to splint it and bandage it, you will still have to put it into my ass.'

I sat quietly onto her breasts and dangled Thomas over her toothless mouth. She snapped her gums down onto His Softness and applied suction, proving both her lungs were able and functioning. Her lips became embedded betwixt my pubic hairs,  I use the plural because there are two of them. I named them Pinkie and Perky, as Perky usually stands up higher than John Thomas.  John is the one with the hat on.

'Its getting hard!'

'You don't have to sound so damned incredulous, Woman! Maybe it is because I was thinking of Freda. Ouch! Bitch! That hurt!'

'Say that again and I will put my teeth back in! You appear to be ready, I am ready, let me turn onto my belly for you. Use plenty of that jelly stuff.'

'What jelly stuff? Where is it?'

'In the blooming bathroom! Where do you think!'

'You better go for it, I ain't got my zimmer here and I don't like going through my ladies personal things. Maybe there's some of your knickers in the dirty-linen basket and I will get side-tracked again.'

'It ain't in the linen basket it's in the medicine chest, Silly Man! There is a blue pair of Mollies in there, Love. Bring them with you, they may help me to get you hard again.'

'Ruddy women, why you can't get your arse ready for fucking before you come to bed, I don't know!'

'Just you wait until I get my rubber dick up your arse, I will you know!'

I knew fine where the lubrication was kept, I had already had a nose around the bathroom. I picked up the open jelly tube and a spare one and then I opened the basket. There was some of Alice's knickers and the blue silky one which were pretty rancid when I put them to my nose. Molly's smell was a lot stronger than Alice's. I felt John Thomas stirring. I sidled through deliberately making my cock bounce from side to side and still smelling the crotch of Molly's knickers to tease Alice.

'Come on, Terry I have started without you! Ooooh! I am hot to fuck! Come and fuck me, Tiger! Squeeze that tube in me and get your cock into my ass! Your cock is lovely and big, ram it in me, Lover!'

She was on all fours waggling her ass from side to side and John Thomas was doing us both proud. It must have recognised Molly's smell and his trip up her tight asshole.

I moved in behind Alice and pressed a good dollop of juice into her anal hole and industriously fingered it in with one, two, three fingers until she was rocking and writhing around my in-depth fingers.

'Oh! Yes! That feels good! Now your prick, Darling! Now your prick! Put it in and fuck me. Go on! All the way! Oooooh!  Aaaaagh! Yes! Its so big! Make it hurt! Terry, make it hurt! It's been too long since I have had a cock in my ass!'

'If I had known what a slut you are Alice I would have been rattling your bones a long time ago. Wooow! You are a tight assed baby! Take it, all of it! Between you and Molly I am not going to be playing with myself ever again!'

'Don't forget Freda! That feels so nice, it has been too long! Fuck me in my ass! Yes, Terry, Yes! Do it! Do it good! Oh yes! That's it! Right up! No hurry, Sweetheart, just keep doing it. I just want to feel it inside me.'

'You are some shag, Alice. You are going to have to call an ambulance to take me home.'

'Who said I am going to let you go home. You are mine now, Terry. You and your prick, you are both mine. I will get Freda and Molly to guard the doors to stop you getting away from me. The only way out of here is Reggie's way out. Feet first in a wooden casket.'

'Where do I sign?'

'In my ass, Sweetheart. Use your prick and your juice as pen and ink!'

THE END.



My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice. Ch. 04



I was in the loo when the pesky phone rang. It always happens, I'm either on the loo. In bed, or in the blooming bath! I got off the toilet, bum still un-wiped and limped to the phone to have it stop ringing. 

Once again I reminded the phone and the unthinking caller that they were illegitimate. Trundled back to the loo with locked kneecaps and finished doing what supposed to come naturally. 

I made a cuppa and sat down by the fire with a fag when the phone rang again.

'Yes, who is it?'

'Same old grouse-like Terry! Why I love you like I do, I do not know. Yes I do know, Its because I persevere and I do like the cock we share, you as the donor and me as the lover of able and willing cocks of your size, Darling.'

'Was that you phoning earlier, Alice?'

'It was, my Love, yes. Did I disturb you?'

'I was on the loo, woman! Have been constipated for days and you, you had to choose that moment, didn't you?'

'Oh dear! I know how aggravating that can get, Love. I am sorry. Let me make up for it, let me turn down your favourite bedcovers and who knows you might find the object of your dreams betwixt those covers.'

'Oh well, you do have a warm pussy and its cold in this house today. Are you alone? You had better be!'

'All alone, just wearing a robe and panties, the ones you took off the line for me, remember?'

'Bitch you are giving me a hard-on here. You had your back door open this morning and I swear I could smell your pussy from here. Never known a woman to juice up like you do, Alice.'

'One track mind you has, always checking out my back door.'

'Will you stop it, woman! I am on my way over. Get yourself on that stair-lift what ever you call it and get yourself up them blooming stairs. God you are in for it when I get to you. Ouch! Damn and blast it!'

'What's up, Terry? Are you all right? You hurt yourself?'

'You ask some daft fool questions, Alice. In me haste, I fell over the blasted Zimmer-thingy didn't I? Give me old knee a knock, I did.'

'As long as it wasn't your old cock you damaged, you'd be no good over here without that, no damned good to anyone you wouldn't be. Get up and get over here or I will shut you out.'

'No chance of that you like my cock too much you do.' Here! You got any o'that broth yers had yesterday. Lovely that was, you cant expect me to perform on an empty stomach, can'ya?'

'Get over here. I'll have a plate ready for you. Always thinking of your belly than my needs. What a woman needs to do to get a good fuck out of you I do not know.'

'He He He He! You know you love me, Alice. See you, Gal!'

Just on my way out of the door when the blasted phone went again, didn't it?

'Yeah! Hello!'

'What damned foolish question is that? Sure it's me. Here ain't I?'

'Yeah, she's out; don't know where she's gone. Woman doesn't tell me all her business. What do you want to know for? '

'Yeah, I will tell your Mum when I see her that you called. Okay, Molly. I will. You too. Keep your pussy warm for me. Bye!'

'You take your time don't you? Lucky for me I am not standing here in the nude waiting on you to come and stoke my boiler. Your broth has been simmering the same as I have.'

'Hush your viper tongue woman. Just saved you and me a lot of trouble, I have. Coming out of door when your Molly phoned, I think she was after my body again. Managed to put her off I did. I will let you thank me with your bum when I have finished the broth, when you can get the energy to put it on a plate.'

'Got any bread to go with this?'

'Did Molly say when she was coming? Your Lordship?'

'No, I was a bit abrupt with her, think she got the message.'

'You were just being your usual old crusty self then, were you Love?'

'You can open your legs now, I can feel this broth going to my vitals.'

Alice sat back in her chair and opened her legs with a Cheshire cat like grin on her face.

'You going out, you got lipstick on?

'No Love, I put it on for you just in case you go daft and kiss me.'

'Don't matter how much paint you put on an old bike, Alice. It's still an old bike.'

'So what? An old bike can still give you a good ride... Terry flipping clever-dick!'

'Problem is, Alice, the saddle wears out too and I hate saddle sores.'

'Why! You miserable old buzzard! That was damned well insulting! Get back to where you came from if you don't like me, you, you old coot, you!' Her chair scraped noisily across the kitchen floor and she got up and hobbled out of the kitchen.

I got up from the table and open and slammed the back door and moved over behind the door to the hall. Alice came through it and I grabbed her and kissed her firmly on her painted lips. Pushing her against the door I put my hand between her legs and she moaned into my mouth as I made contact with her moist pussy lips. Her ample arms came up around my neck while we necked like a couple of old lovebirds.

She pushed me away and murmured, 'Take me to bed, Terry. I want it so badly. You make me feel like I am a brand new bike with that cock of yours.'

My fingers were in her pussy all the way up the stair as she sat astride her chair lift. We were kissing and tongue teasing each other's mouths. I was knackered by the time we got to the upper landing. I stood gasping for air and watched Alice shrugging out of her housecoat and waggling her bare bum at me as she disappeared inside her bedroom. My hand went down to my flaccidity and I slapped it and stroked it, pushed it and pulled it right up into a frantic lazy-lob. (Half-hard or a half-soft, according to your sexual education.) Well, a man has his pride to deal with.

She was spread out on the bed, nipples hard and red where she had been pinching them and her pussy lips wide open and flapping with juice trickling in her slit. My balls rolled over a couple of times in their well-wrinkled sack. My cock actually twitched! (I kid you not) I felt it! As I approached her, her legs opened further and her arms opened, beckoning me into her web of ancient temptation. I went, without fear. Once again proving my bravery and so there was not a shadow of doubt although I did catch sight of a bird flying past the bedroom window.

With bones creaking I mounted both the bed and old Alice. She grabbed, attentively he-who-could-still-be-bent and waggled him within clammy fingers. Agitating him with a modicum of affection mixed with geriatric desire. I gasped, 'Oh! Alice!' She in turn cried out, 'Oh Terry! I love you, Terry!' Those word said, are like producing a passport at the airport checkout, allowing us to enter the modes of travel to the pleasure zone. I thought she wanted me to put it in, but suddenly she grabbed my head in both of her hands and pushed it down, down, down between those open thighs. I took a quick breath and closed my eyes to avoid splash getting into them - I wound out my tongue to do her homage. Mmmmmmmm! It had a fishy taste. Not cod, maybe hake from the Adriatic Sea. The surrounding hair was not unlike fish bones. The first course had been Alice's broth and now I was getting a meal fit for kings. The taste grows on you, not as I had any alternative. Alice was rotating my head in good style. I knew because of the spinal clicking in my neck.

However, back to Alice, she was loving my administrations, so much she was positively purring which I have to admit spurred on my endeavours to bestow on her the climax to beat all climaxes. I don't think I have ever put out my tongue so much as I probed with it to get into her hidden depths. Made me wish for a few more inches, because I was cock-sure there were more juices to slurp up just out of reach. One of natures shortfalls really. We are all looking for those few extra inches. The way Alice was thrusting her hips, groin, pussy into my face I guessed the old dear was about ready to pop. Surprisingly, to both of us, she did pop! Maybe it was because at that juncture I wormed a long gnarled finger up her bum. Terry's-talented-talon did it again. 

I lay recuperating, my head resting on Alice's vulva, the pillow of every man's dreams. Have you noticed, Guys, how easy it is to pop off to sleep when using mons-pillow? Well, it would be, but for the inwardly pressing needs of the Mons-Venus itself. This one in particular, Alice's, she was already gyrating which reminded me about a certain Cock-Robin who had already retired for the night not even half way through the day. A Cock-Robin now being coerced into doing the deed. A deed not even my trusted Zimmer (walking-aid) could help me with.

Alice, not to be robbed of that which she needed so desperately, gave me a surprise with her sprightliness as she moved her body and swooped down with wide open mouth and engulfed His Softliness just making one mistake, her ass was within striking distance of my coiled stinky-finger. Snakelike it uncoiled viperously and became a serpantlike sodomic spear, which forced a moan around my almost swallowed love-shaft. In turn it encouraged her to turn her mouth and throat into acting like a domestic vacuum cleaner. The chain reaction made my balls become suddenly rhesus as they climbed my love shaft into the I-am-loaded-position. Her anal penetration timing was equally as good as mine, because as her finger went in - my spermatozoa's went out! Spurting copiously into her gastric-oesophagus channel. Now I was pooped! What the woman was playing at with my flagging libido I had no idea. There was no way I was going to get up and go again. Now I know why she had killed off her man! I was unfortunate enough to be her poor next-door neighbour!

'Terry, wake up, Love! Molly is here!'

From Lands end to John O'Groats My, 'Oh! No!' was heard.

'Fetch my Zimmer, Woman. I have to get out of here!'

'You didn't bring it, Terry. Do you want me to tell her you are not well?'

'God! Don't tell her that, she will know she has got me at her mercy if you do that! She will have me going about bow-legged and singing soprano!'

'Poor, Love. I guess you are too big to give anyone the excuse that you used to be a jockey. Talking about jockeys, you said you were going to jump into my saddle! I am still waiting!'

'Oh Alice! Have a heart!'

'You mean that's a no?'

'Help me to get dressed. How is it that Molly did not come up with you?'

'I sent her around the shops to give you a chance to get away. It will not be long before she gets back. What did you do with your under-pants, were you not wearing any? Are you sure you don't want to give me a quick fuck before she comes back? Let me lick him a bit. Stroke him a bit. Look! He's growing! Hey! Look, Terry! You, old Codger! Come get it up me! You know I don't mind which hole. Do it!'

Alice got off the bed and went and leaned over the chair, wagging her ass at me. Despite her age, Alice has a lovely ass on her. I went over to her and opened her buttocks with my fingers and licked all the way from her clitoris to her asshole. I tasted Vaseline and withdrew my tongue and inserted two fingers into her ass. She wagged her ass suggestively and pushed back onto my fingers. My prick was up for the occasion so I popped it into her ass. Her asshole went into her get-it-up-me-quick mode and she sucked me into her depths.

'Right! Now, fuck me! Fuck me in my ass. Molly isn't here. I was kidding you on, Terry. I just wanted to stir you into shagging me. Give me a really big cum. Darling. Go on! Oh yes! Yes! You are filling me up with your beautiful big cock! Oooooh! It feels so good. Aaaaagh! It hurts, but I love it! Don't ever stop fucking me.'

The end of another chapter...

Jack.



My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice. Ch. 05



Alice and Terry's escapade on the Common.

Chapter four if you all remember concluded with the principle characters other half sharing Alice's bed. Terry now suffering from brewers wilt was in the spooning position tucked in behind our Alice. Both parties with their eyes closed dosing off because they were in a we-can't-go-on state.

'What on earth is that, Terry?'

'It's my cock, Woman! What the Hades do you think it is?'

'No! Not that, that noise outside?'

'You want me to take out a climbing licence and climb all the way over you, just to look out of your window? What if one of your nosy neighbours is out there?'

'Just stay there, Terry, I will go. You have had your way with me. Typical lazy good for nothing man! You don't care if I catch pneumonia, do you?'

He replied with a loud snort and carried on snoring. Alice got out of bed, rubbing her aching legs and pulled on a robe over her emaciated figure and moved with a grunt to her window.

'Terry! Wake up! Come and look at this! It's a dirty great big lorry next door. Poor woman's hardly in her grave and there is someone moving into her house! Bless her soul. Wonder if they know its full of vermin?'

'Didn't know your Molly was squatting there, Alice. Are they young people or fogies like us? Go and ask them who they are and what colours knickers she wears and whether she puts on clean ones every day and if she is going to hang them out so you can see them?'

'I thought you would be more interested in that, Terry. Of course, you want them when she has worn them, just before they are washed! You have even got my Molly keeping her knickers on longer just so you can sniff, lick them or what ever else you do with them. Damn it, I am guilty too! It turns me on when you go down on me and snuffle my pussy through my knickers.'

'Not as I want you to change the subject when you are on my favourite topic, Gal, but what did the doc say about your legs last time you went to see him?'

'He said, they are a lot better and that I should get out and walk more to get the circulation going, why Terry?'

'I was thinking, I should walk more too, was wondering if you would like a nice walk to the common? Its not far, Darling and it's a lovely day out.'

'You are itching to get me down on that grass, ain't ya, Terry?'

'That's what I love about you Alice. Your mind is singular and on the same blooming track as mine. If you want me to give it to you in the grass, then, I will give it to you in the grass, your ass too, if you beg me some more.'

'What will we do if we grow tired, Terry?'

'Doing what?'

You know, walking and things!'

'Dunno, have a nap like we always do, I suppose.'

'What! Out on the grass, in the middle of the common? What about the creepy crawlies, Terry?'

They wont mind us, Alice. They have seen it all before, plus the fact they don't read the scandal magazines.'

'Here! Lock the door for me and give me the key, Terry. What yer got in that their bag you're carrying?'

'Well, I thought we could have a bit of a picnic, Alice.'

'Good on yer, Terry. I loves yer because you aint arf thoughtful!'

After about ten miutes walking, she turned to him and said, 'It's a luvly day, I am glad you got me to come out with you. You are right, commons not so far away is it. Are you going to get naughty with me, when we get there, I mean?'

'Alice, Luv! I am taking you out for your health, I wasn't thinking of us having hanky-panky at all, but now you bought it up, I suppose I could get into your knickers if that is what you really want. A man's work is never done!'

'This place never changes, does it? Used to come over here with me boyfriends when I was a teenager. Got up to some right naughty things, we did.'

'I bet you had more cock than I have had hot dinners, Alice.'

'Don't be rude, come to think of it though, maybe you are right!'

'Come this way, Love. There are some shrubs and things over there, maybe a bit of grass we can lay on and have some privacy.'

'Hope so, I am feeling horny, Terry.'

'Tell me when you ain't. Here we are. Yes, this looks good. Hang-on until I spread this old shower-curtain down on the grass, Alice. Just right for us to get comfy on, ain't it?'

'Ooooo-yes! This is nice, sun's lovely and warm. Feel like getting all naked, I do. Great for our rickety old bones, this!'

'Restrain yourself, Alice. Lots of people walk around here. You will get us nicked for public blooming indecency, you will.'

'Shut up and come and lay down and take my knickers off. They are the ones you like best, me purple ones with white lace trimmings. You said they hold me pong lovely, you did.'

I got very gently to my knees beside Alice and she threw her ample arms around my neck and gave me a resounding open mouth kiss, followed by her rapacious invading tongue, insidiously tussling with mine. Have to admit, didn't arf feel nice.

'Ouch!'

'What's the blinking matter, Terry?'

'Got blooming cramp in me leg, ain't I? Hurts it does. Ain't cut out for all this frolicking in grassy patches like this, Alice.'

'Come here let me rub it better for you.'

'That's my cock you are rubbing, Alice.'

'So it is! It's lovely and hard! A fellow could do a lot with a thing like this for a willing lady like I am, Terry.'

'Are you okay to get yourself screwed on a hard ground such as this, Alice? Don't want to do you no injury, Gal!' 

'Why don't you get on with it and take my knickers off for yourself?'

She opened her legs to reveal her wet crotched knickers. I slid my hands up the outside of her expansive thighs and inched them down getting a good smell of her sexy body odour as I did so. She had been busy with the razor again, for an old bird she certainly looked after herself. Me too, I suppose, it was obvious she was doing it for me, she knows I hate a mouthful of pussy hair when I am down tasting the fruits. The anxious way she pushes my head downwards I know she likes me to do her the honours. Just between me you and your Aunty Mary, I can't get enough of the taste of pussy nectar. I am not being personal; I don't really care what you do with your Aunty Mary. If you just happen to be Aunt Mary, then I hope you will understand.

After tucking Alice's knickers into my trouser pocket I slipped my own trousers to half-mast and got the lube out of the other trouser pocket and anointed the Charger with it. Have to do that otherwise the fire risk through friction would be great. Then there maybe further catastrophe if Alice farts and blows the two of us to Hell. Insurance companies look down their noses at that sort of thing, you know? Perhaps you don't. Maybe it's the smell of Alice's farts. Who was the creep who said, 'sex was fun?'

Of course, ever impatient, Alice grabs John Thomas and stuffs him into her very eager orifice before I could get her lubed. I sighed and inwardly thrust, she groaned and it was then we heard, 'Whats that? There is someone over there!'

I froze; Alice froze and started to shake at same time. Then a youngish couple broke into our clearing through the bushes. There was me with cock still fully embedded into our Alice. Wow is me!

'Look, Darling its Great Grand Papa having it off with Great Grand Mama! Dirty buggers!'

'It's indecent, Larry! We should call the police, they should know better at their age. They are still doing it, look! Do something, why don't you stop them?'

'If you and I are still doing it at their age, Lucy, You would be urging me on too!'

'Yes, Larry, I would, but not in a Public Place, that sort of thing should be done in private.'

'Granted, Lucy Darling.'

'Then call the police or I will!'

By this time, I was lying on top of Alice and we were both giggling like a couple of kids. I felt Alice wee-weeing herself which made it impossible for me to move, although John Thomas had shrivelled to haricot bean size. They turned and went away and I heard the guy calling the cops.

Amazingly they were on us in minutes!

The bushes had parted again to reveal PC and WPC Plod.

'Hello, Hello, Hello! What have we got here then?' Said an irate looking police woman with her hands tucked into her bulletproof vest. By this time Alice was pulling on her purple knickers and trying to get both feet in the same leg-hole. The area stank of piss, like a wall in a football ground; even I was mortified, although the lady officer wasn't arf bad to look at. The Sergeant who was with her for the sake of this story we will call Police Sergeant Percival Plonker.

The police lady who introduced herself as WPC Kitty Ketchup, smiled nicely at us, then she confided to us that there had been a public complaint saying that we were fragrantly behaving indecently in a public place. And we would have to be charged and taken to the station where we would be formerly charged and things taken down...at which point, Alice burst out laughing and started to wet herself again. Then, Sergeant P. Plonker took two hasty steps to his rear and almost fell on his ass. Which bought tears of laughter to the lady police officer's blue eyes. 

I looked down at her black stocking covered legs, but they stayed dry, she had nice legs though. Then our eyes met and there was a grudging look of admiration in hers mixed with an amused twinkle. She stepped forward to help Alice to her feet while the Sergeant peered interestingly into Alice's ample cleavage. At least we didn't have to walk home. I obligingly laid out the shower curtain over the police car seat for Alice to sit on. Then Alice asked why they were not handcuffing her? I thought she might have kept hidden her liking for bondage. The police lady told her that because of the absence of our zimmers she would trust us not to get off on our corned and calloused toes. Of course Alice saw the funny side and started to giggle, which made me pull up the waterproof sheet around her in case of further accidents. Same time I had to drag her furtive hand away from John Thomas. There was just no halting her geriatric horniness.

At the station we stood together in front of the Duty Sergeant Steven Sternmush and we heard the charges being read out by WPC Kitty Ketchup. I felt Alice trembling, it wasn't with fear because she was titivating her hair and when I looked at her she was making eyes at Sergeant Sternmush. The old tart! I was really peeved when Sergeant Sternmush's countenance started to soften and his bushy eyebrows started to flutter alarmingly. Hells bells! Was he getting the hots for old Alice? What ever, he started to speak, 'I will not arrest you two or make any serious charges at this moment in time, however I will keep you here over night to reflect on the seriousness of your predicament. I need to gather further evidence on this matter and if there are any charges to be made, they will be made in the morning. Take them away.'

I was escorted to my cell by Kitty Ketchup and to my surprise she sat beside me on the hard bench, so close our thighs were touching. 'How old are you Terry, you do not mind me calling you Terry? My name is Kitty.' 'I am 75, Kitty. You probably think I am a stupid old well past it geriatric fool?'

'No I don't, I saw you performing remember - it wasn't exactly boredom I saw on Alice's face, Terry. It has been a while since I have had sex and what I saw turned me on enough to give me wetness in my panties. Would you like to have a feel to see for yourself?'

'You trying to get me charged with assault on a police officer, Kitty?'

She smiled and leaned forward and placed her hand on the back of my head and kissed me so tenderly on my lips that I gasped and felt her tongue slide into my mouth. Her busy hand already arresting an erecting John Thomas. I placed my hand on her stocking clad thigh and then bare flesh and she moaned and pressured my hand into her moist groin, urgently with her own guiding hand. I traced her pussy crevice with my fingers, she was wet! Her kissing was now ardent, displaying strong sexual need. The smell of pussy filled the small cell. I was ready to fuck my very first police lady. She suddenly pulled away and stood up and then dropped her white cotton knickers to the floor and she stepped out of them and kicked them up into my face. I caught them and pressed them eagerly to my nose. She quickly unzipped my trousers and exposed my hard cock and then she was straddling me and guiding JT to her hot wet quim. It was quick, frantically fast fucking. I pinched her nipples through her clothing. She was sucking my tongue that deeply into her mouth I thought she was trying to swallow it. She moaned into my ear that she was creaming and surprisingly to me, I was shooting inside her pussy too. She received the juices I didn't have time to give to Alice. She stood up and quickly threw her knickers under the biscuit mattress on the bench.

'So you will remember me, Terry. Thank you, that was lovely. I suspect that Sergeant Plonker will have finished plonking your Alice by now. Hope she is fit, because Sternmush will want his turn later too. I know from sore experience he likes ladies bums.'

'Why do you put up with it, Kitty?'

'You are having a laugh ain't you. You don't twit on anyone in the Force! Besides, I like it up my bum! Does your Alice?'

'Just between you, me and Alice's cell door, yes she does, loves it.'

'Fancy seconds?'

'Much as I would like to, you are a lovely lady and everything, but John Thomas has said good night and the next time he rises will be at cock crow in the dawning.'

Kitty slammed my cell door quietly, it was then I was aware of Alice moaning out rhythmically, sounds I had heard so many times. They were not agony sounds. They were of extreme joy. There were also sounds of a male grunting with exertion and the slapping of contacting flesh. My Alice was enjoying herself. I fell asleep listening to them, also with the smell of Kitty's pussy in my nostrils. That was one hot police lady.



My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice. Ch. 06



'Alice, you okay? Haven't seen you up and about this morning, Darling!'

'That's because I am dressmaking, you will invite me out to these do's and things and I have nothing to wear.'

'That's how I like you best, Alice, me Old Fruit, nothing on!'

'You have me all sore down there with what you did to me yesterday, Terry, you blooming sex terror!'

'I'm coming across to kiss it better for you, hang on!'

'Don't you dare! have to finish this dress and I have a slip to repair as well.'

'Oh! Alright, do you want anything brought in from the shops I have to go out later, the larder is bare.'

'Maybe like you are, you will catch your death you will, the way you go around all blooming naked like you do.'

'Haven't seen that daughter of yours lately. Has she got a new bed pal,? Poor fellow who ever he is. She will suck him in and blow out his boot laces. God! My balls are still sore from what she did to me last time.'

'She says the same thing about you, Terry. She wants to know where all your energy comes from? For a geriatric old fool you sure can keep us ladies happy! Her words, not mine.'

'Talking about sexual exercises, when are you going to drop your steel-plated knickers again, Alice, I am feeling like me dickididos been cut off and fed to the ducks.'

'That's what should happen to it! Then maybe I will get peace to do some work. I am putting the phone down, Terry. Will drop in on you later, much later.......Bye!'

I stopped to think about Molly, Alice's daughter, for those of you whom may have forgotten take a decko at this: Notes about Molly: 17 stones in weight. 5.9 in height and really well proportioned and muscular with all her farm labours. Tits and ass, four large matching globes of womanhood. I recognise her tits because she has nipples on them. Wears ill-fitting spectacles which drop down onto the hook of her nose, so she is looking over the top of them all the time. Obviously bought over the counter from an establishment sporting three -balls. She would make a very good Sumo wrestler.....cringe! When she bends down her pants drop down three inches revealing ten inches of rectumus-canyon. Daughter of Alice and (Bert.. deceased)..She is a large farmer lady married to Norris a Smallholding Farmer...was a bit of a mountain climber in his youth, but found his wife an insurmountable object, way above his climbing abilities. Molly always makes sure that Norris feels at home because she keeps his house looking and smelling like a pig-sty. Molly's sexual energies are world wide known. She is a walking, talking vaginal odour!

'Alice?  You old bitch! You there?'

I slammed the phone down in disgust! Pesky women. Good for one thing, then they play hard to get!. John Thomas was looking forlorn and wilted this morning, smelling of Alice's frontal orifice and bum sniffingtons, not to mention an ounce of smegma or two. Time to give him a birthday and go for an anal evacuation, a douche, a shower and a shampoo.

The phone rang.

'Hello, Alice, you old fart! Knew you wanted it, have you got your smelly knickers off? '

'It isn't Alice, my name is June Harper from the City Council. I trust I am speaking to Mr. Terry' Wilkinson?'

'Oooooops! Sorry Darling, what can I do for you?'

'I am with Housing Benefits and I would like to come to speak to you in regards to reviewing your benefits, it is just a normal two year check, Mr. Wilkinson, there is no need to be alarmed unless you have a job as a pilot with British Airways that you have not told us about.. When will it be convenient for me to visit you, I am in your area this afternoon, shall we say about 3 o'clock?'

'Yes that's fine, Miss. Sorry about earlier.'

'3 o'clock it is then, Mr. Wilkinson, and by the way mine were clean on this morning!'

I heard her laughing when she put the phone down. It rang again right away. ' Yes, Terry Wilkinson!'

'My. Oh! My! you are a posh git this morning, you old reprobate! Have they threatened to cut off your phone again for using bad language?'

'No, Molly. A woman from the council rang me and I thought it was your Mum. I was very rude thinking it was her. Need to watch what I say.'

'Woweeeeeeeeee! Are they going to put you out of there? Where, to an asylum? Got a posh name now ain't they like House of Mental Correction or something like that. Hope they put you in a straight- jacket to curb those wandering hands of yours.'

'You are glad of my wandering hands, Molly, no one else would be brave enough to give you a feel. Probably afraid of getting dandruff, the hair on your pussy needs a blooming full-time hairdresser to look after it.. It would be alright if you parted it down the middle, remind me to buy you a comb for Christmas.'

'I thought you said you were going to be polite on the phone?'

'Who? Me? To you? Anyway, what do you want?'

'Wondered if you were lonely and wanted a cuddle, I am feeling horny and thinking of you makes me feel horny. You know how fond I am of John Thomas?'

'Your Mums away up the hospital to get her legs seen to, I told her it should be 'er head they should be looking at, she did laugh, your Mum!'

'Good, so the coast is clear then and you ain't got an excuse, take your teeth out and clean'em, I am on my way, Lover-boy.' Oh! While I am thinking of that piece of scrap-iron, throw that Zimmer frame (walking aid) of yours into the coal-house, you won't be needing it for a while. Ooooooo! I can smell me pink frilly panties already.'

I put the phone down and put my head into my hands wondering what I had done, Molly and a council woman all in the same day of my miserable life, when will I ever learn?

Whistling a happy tune, I went for a shower. Paying particular attention to John Thomas, thinking of Molly's ample bum made him easier to clean. I used to call him Harry Shaftington until I met a woman in the local public house whose name was Betty Shaftington, Yep, you guessed it. Her hubby's name was Harry.

I did clean my teeth, they were manky. Clair-flipping-voyant that woman. Was in the bedroom toweling my magnificent three and half strands of hair dry when Molly sneaked in behind me and goosed my naked bum. At least I hoped it was Molly and not the electric-man. I was bending over and she put her gentle hand on my back which weighed 3 ton 15 pounds and 4 ounces exactly. Her goosing turned into anal penetration which only a farm-girl versed in the noble art of furrowing knows how to do to make your balls go jingle jangle jingle. I leaned on the bed and dug in for a siege, she was right again, I wasn't going anywhere. Molly carries a very mean strap-on cock in her bag everywhere she goes.

'You like this, don't you, Terry? You should get yourself a boyfriend.'

'Thought I had! You! That does feel nice.'

'Do you want me to fuck you, Darling?'

'Molly, you do ask daft questions for an old slut!'

'Freda likes my strap-on, I had it up her yesterday, begs for it she does. I ain't no lesbian, but I do like to lick a good pussy now and again and of course one thing leads to another.'

'They should give you a blooming uniform and a badge and a license for that rubber dicky of yours, you do good for the community you do, Molly. Aaaaagh! Go easy with that thing! Oooooooh! Screw me! That hurts!'

'You have a nice arse, you do, Terry. I love shagging you!' You take my 8 inches like you love it!' It's right up you just now. Does it feel nice? I am going to get one of these things that shoots cum one of these days, they are making them now you know. Fill the balls up you do. Then when I cum, I can shoot jism right up your arsehole! Need to get me a virile young bloke I can milk to get all his spunk so I can fill my balls. Need to start a spunk-bank, Terry!  Would love to make you preggers.'

She had my old knees sore doubled up over my bed, her thusting hard and deep, causing me to moan out from each thrust.. I was scared stiff I was going to get cramp at any moment, but the pleasure she was giving me with her fake cock was something again. I was moaning with real passion as Molly acted her man-macho thing up my bum. I thought of her giving it to woman-mountain Freda, now that would have been a sight worth paying for. Molly is a big lady, but Freda is out of this world with an overlap! I would be scared to ram John Thomas into her because she would suck my balls in too and I would never see them again, my cock too for that matter. Her having a gorilla as a mate? King Kong? Yes, maybe.

Molly did a quick gear change from third to fifth and she was piston fucking me at the speed of sound, flesh slapping flesh! I was ooooing and arring, grunting and groaning and Molly was laughing like a mad banshee, what ever that is. 'Go on! Take my hard cock!' she was shouting. 'Woweeeee! Am I ploughing your ass, Terry-Boy! You're a bum boy! Only bum-boys take it up their arses like you do!' Suddenly she stopped, withdrew her dildo with a plop and then ripped off the strap on and threw it onto the bed and grabbed her knickers and shuffled herself into them pulling them up expansively over her big belly.  Up trousers and did up her belt accompanied by a loud belch and a simultaneous fart.. Then she was out of the door shouting over her shoulder, 'Tell Mum I called, will you Terry.......Bye!'

I lay on the bed and began to realize it was wet under me I had cum and didn't notice it or had Molly peed?  Is that why she got off her mark so quickly I raised up off the bed and it was soaking she had peed on me! Dirty Bitch! The time was one o'clock already. I hurriedly stripped the sheet off and turned the mattress and put a fresh sheet on and sprayed the room with a lavender spray and put on a fresh pillow case and quilt cover.  Then I tidied the rest of the place while drinking a beer and eating a cheese sandwich with pickles. I sat down for a quick smoke at ten minutes to three. What time did she say she was coming this woman from the Council? I had forgotten. The door bell rang.

'Mr. Wilkinson?'

'Yes, who are you?'

'June Harper. Housing Benefits Officer from the City Council. This is my card.'

I opened the door, 'Come in, Dear, I am Terry.' I put out my hand to her and she took it and shook my hand. I held onto it and looked searchingly into her eyes. They were hazel. She looked back and didn't take her hand back. The signals were passed between us in that moment. Damn it! I had not lost it, I could still do it! 

I took my hand back from her now sweaty palm, or was it mine?. I asked her to sit and she did, primly trying hard to tuck a too short skirt in around her shapely thighs. I moved a seat to sit right opposite to her (cos of me eyesight yer know!) and said, 'Why your visit Miss Harper?'

I was studying her, she had opened her jacket to reveal a white shirt and a pinkish bra beneath, just a restraining bra, see through almost. She must have seen my gaze because she pulled her jacket together a bit, but when she reached down to her brief case much to my joy it opened even further.

'I have to ask you a lot of questions Terry, please call me June if you wish me to use your christian name. Some of my questions maybe you will think very personal, but, I am sorry I do have to have the answers.'

'Fire away, June. Be as personal as you like!'

Her face coloured as she became aware that I was staring at her nipples which had erected somewhat because I was thinking she may have clocked John Thomas, who was getting my horny messages to him loud and clear and was growing in sympathy with the Housing Ladies thimble-like nipples.

'Does anyone else live in this house with you, such as lodgers or children?'

'No, no one.'

'Have you worked, been paid a salary since you last declared to us?'

'No. You said you were wearing knickers, what colour are they, do they match your bra?'

'I ask the questions, Mr. Wilkinson, not you!' They are pink too.'

'That's nice. I can see your bra. You might be kidding me as to the colour of your knickers. Are they knickers or panties. What's the difference, June?'

'Please, Terry, stop what you are doing. You do not know what you are doing to me with your very naughty chatter. Can you put something over your lap, what I can see is distracting.'

'You asked me if I had someone living here with me and I told you no. I was lying to you, there is this fellow here, his name is John Thomas, you want me to bring him out so you can see him, June?'

She lay back in her seat with her eyes closed muttering, 'oh! No, no, no , no!' Her knees came apart to reveal her pink panties. Pink panties with a wet patch highlighting her pussy.

'June Harper, you want JohnT don't you?'

She sat up, not bothering to close her legs and looked into my eyes. 'I have wanted you since I spoke to you on the phone. Your voice was so sexy, it made me wet listening to you. I came here for sex with you. Actually I am finished work and this interview is scheduled in my tomorrows work load. Yes I want your cock, Terry. I have not had sex for 4 years and I have been feeling so horny of late.'

'Hang on let me make a phone call just so as I can warn Alice not to disturb us. Horny old bitch will be over here and scratching your eyes out if I don't..' I tuned away from her to the phone and rang Alice. 'Hell! She is still out!'

'Are you cohabiting with her?'

'Woweeee! What does that mean?'

'Are you living together as husband and wife, Terry?'

'Omigod! No! Me living with old Alice? You have to be joking you do.'

'Having sex then?'

'Yes to that........... her daughter too!  Just doing my duty, think they come for the bum sex really, they both love John Thomas here.'  Her eyes were on my cock so I shook him at her, ' Isn't he nice? ' Her mouth was open. her tongue dripping saliva. I continued, ' Yes, they love this fellow right up their posterior channels. What about you, are you partial to anal gymnastics too, June?'

'Oh! Terry! What do I say to that? You dirty lovely old man! My ex-husband used to do it that way to me. Just the very thought of it turned my stomach. Thought he was weird.  It hurt when he first put it into my bottom and I stopped him and was adamant when I told him no more of that!. He was always touching me there until finally I started to want it.. Oh! Yes! I begged him to do it to me...in my ass. It's nasty isn't it? I loved it! Wanted more, much more.  Every time he pushed it hard up inside me I wanted it in deeper, much deeper. Your John Thomas will hurt me, Terry.  He must be all of 8 inches. Bigger than my ex-husbands, promise me you will take it easy with me. My holes must have tightened up because of the lack of use.  When did you last have sex with Alice and what's her daughters name?'

'Molly, daughters name is Molly. She was here this morning, she was.'

'Did you have her? Oh! Gosh! That was terribly forward of me!'

'Good Lord, Lass! No! Molly had me! She used that old strap-on of hers. Likes'er own way with folks, Molly does.'

'Gosh! Terry! Are you bisexual or something? You took a dildo, up your bum? She, had you? That conjures up some pictures in my mind!'

'Don't rightly know, June. Had a few guys do me, I have, in me time, you knows? But, I dunno if I was experimenting or needing it cos I was queer. I fairly enjoyed Molly's shenanigans this morning, I have to admit. right hard pumper, she is.'

'Are you going to make love to me or carry on talking all day?'

'Your fault for asking all your daft questions its obvious you likes the looks of John Thomas here. Ain't seen yours yet. How about taking them knickers off of yours and giving me a good old smell of them. Gets me going it does.'

She laughed at me and sprang up and quickly stepped out of her knickers and skirt so she was just standing there in her sani-belt, think that's what you call them belt things that holds up a woman's stockings. Shaved she was, nice pussy, all closed up like, just a naked slit showing. John Thomas jumped up like a young'en he did. Woweee! Was he raring to go! Me mouth was watering good style. I love the taste of pussy and when she grinned at me and said, 'Lay back and shut your eyes,' I obeyed. Well you have to, don't you? I felt the wet crotch of her knickers padded over my nose. 'Smell my love-juices, Terry. Go on, take a deep sniff, go on, that's it! Now open your mouth and taste them. I have always wanted to do this to a man, my husband would not let me do it to him. Go on, chew them! Suck on them!'

She was standing real close, close enough for me to give her pussy a good old groping.. I found her hot juicy hole and pumped a finger into it. She pressed forward onto my fingers and I felt her vagina throbbing and gripping onto my delving digitals, had two in, now I had. I had heard that office tarts were always ready for a damned good banging, they weren't kidding, they weren't.. The more I was handling this fine young lady, well Lady, could be in her fifties I would say. Fifty, fifty oneish. Still got a good figure a bit plumpish here and there, but highly attractive to young Thomas. After Molly this lady was a selected peach amongst rosy ripe peaches.

'Turn round, Lass. Let me see your ass.'

She turned, no hesitation, sexily, she turned. What a picture. John Thomas grew rock hard at such a delicious sight.. Her little brown rose-bud was framed by her belt and suspenders clipped into fully fashion black stockings. It was like June had stepped out of the thirties and forties. I had never seen such a sight that I was looking at now since a way back then. I wet a finger and touched her bud and watched it tighten up and then relax again as if she was telling herself that I was a friend, to let me in. June watched me wetting my finger in my mouth again, she smiled and allowed me to enter her botty this time.

'Just relax, Darling, I have to have a taste.'

I defied all odds and slipped to my knees, listening to my bones doing a castanet recital. I was reckless and carefree now. I defy anyone to accuse me of lacking bravery. I looked for my trusted Zimmer just in case I needed to retreat, but it was in the coal shed...That damned woman Molly! She told me to put it in there, I do not usually do as I am told.  I must be going jerry-hat-trick, to be sure Either that, I have a love for Molly's deep striking dildo!

Anyway, there I was, on both me knees staring at the prettiest Star-of-Anus I have seen for a long time. Saliva started to fast track from the rest of me body leaving it sadly dehydrated to supply starters in this all emergency situation. I hope John Thomas sends out thank-you letters for all their kindness, I do. Anyway I had enough spit and June Harper let out a deep passionate sigh when I popped finger in to second knuckle. Lordy me! She was tight! As tight as a gnatess's vagina I would say, although it has been a long time since I was so familiar. I spat on her ass again, a thing you all know cannot be done with finesse. She responded, the Lady from the Council responded with a polite fart.. Made me laugh, it did. She too had a quiet , but boisterous guffaw. "Butt it made me titter, Your Honour!"   "Silence in court! The next asinine remark will be treated as contempt!"

'Put your tongue in it, Terry! I love to feel a tongue in there.'

My fingers had opened her up nicely and I was stroking John Thomas to keep him on the boil. My tongue lapped and saliva painted her hole until I was able to wiggle my tongue into her rectum. Her bum sniffed of some kind of perfume, hard to say what, could have been a talc she had used. She was so hygienic it was painful. What did Molly do with the KY jelly? Bet she half-inched it! (pinched)  There I was licking away and frantically looking for condoms and lubrication.  I quickly stripped out of my trousers and pants and when I offered her my cock she looked passionately into my eyes and kept looking up at me as she took John Thomas into her saliva filled mouth. God! I almost came she had turned into a very hot sexy piece. I watched her roll her tongue around my rampant crown and then she tongue bathed my shaft taking in both my testicles which had my whole being throbbing. The lady was a Picasso of cock sucking and when she furrowed a finger into my rectum I gasped out uncontrollably with pent up passions. She had remembered my passion for anal and she was going for it like a woman possessed. My cock was glistening with a coat of saliva and she simply said, 'Now, Terry, do it!'




My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice. Ch. 06



My knob slipped so smoothly within and she sighed as she felt my entrance. I paused but she pressed her ass back onto my cock and I was four inches in when she moaned out, 'Aaaaagh!' I froze, halting my thrust and she rocked with knees trembling. She was leaning over with her hands on the bed and she gathered the sheets into clutching hands and I felt the channel relax around my cock, 'In easy now, Terry, all the way in, Lover!'

One of the pillows got moved and a couple of condoms were revealed. 'June I am not wearing a condom! Let me put one on.' She stood up as my cock oozed out of her and she must have seen them too, because she picked up one and ripped the pack open with her teeth and she put the teat of the rubber into her mouth and she went down to her knees and used her mouth to shroud John Thomas in good style. Then she was up and leaning over the bed, waggling her splendid arse. It felt like she was sucking me back into her until my balls were touching her pussy and my loins were hard into her buttocks. 'Fuck me, Terry, I want it so much!'

Once again I did as bid and fucked her with a strength which even surprised my old bones. I felt like a young one again, with June I guess I was getting one. The walls of her ass was so tight and educated to the fact that she was using her anal muscles to work my cock wonderfully. I was all tenderness, the feelings I had at that moment were as if she had been my woman, my lover all our lives. It felt like she was bestowing on me her very soul and she was giving herself to me so freely, so trustingly, this woman from the Council. This stranger from local government..................... .

'Terry Wilkinson! What the hell are you doing? Who is this slut? How could you?'

I spun round and a very irate Alice was standing there hands on hips, legs astride. Compared with June she was a little old lady, frail in comparison and like it or not, I was an old man too. I had hurt her, badly I knew. 

June rose naked from the bed and went in search of her clothes which had been scattered all over the house. I sat with my head in my hands and in moments I heard her leave. John Thomas had left too, he was now a withered pinkish prune. The room was quiet., Just the sound of heavy breathing.  Then suddenly I was being pushed backwards until I was prone on the bed with Alice, now a sweet bundle of womanhood on top of me. Our lips met and she kissed me amazingly passionately, like she had never kissed me before.

She backed off and whispered, 'I am sorry for breaking in on you like that, I had no right. Maybe I have just discovered it is not just sex with you and I. I was jealous and I think that I am in love with you. It made me very excited when I saw you fucking that posh woman up her ass, She was loving it, wasn't she? Terry.'

'Alice, I am sorry if I hurt you, it was a spur of the moment thing. I did not realise you felt about me that way. This thing with you and Molly I thought was for fun. Three people enjoying themselves. The lady who was with me was visiting me for a private reason and I was cheeky to her and she got hot and horny, it just happened.'

'I should have backed away when I saw the trail of clothes which led to your bedroom. They were too posh for my daughters although I know she was here, she told me on the phone.'

She was fidgeting on top of me and John Thomas was taking advantage. I was still naked and Alice's dress had worked up and I could feel her moist pussy against my thigh. She wasn't wearing knickers. She kissed me again and fidgeted some more. John Thomas found his own way home. She moaned out, 'Oh! Yes, Terry! Yes!'     Sometimes I feel that I am a fortunate man.