41 comments/  39887 views/  8 favorites

Troubling Question

By: magmaman



{No happy ending here, life sometimes gets in the way of that. Or does it? Sometimes it is we that can get in the way of what could be. 

This has a tiny bit of truth in it, almost everything I write does. Probably that is true of everyone who writes, even if the truth is only fantasy.

I do know there was a friend once, and Sonny is (was) his name. Long time gone from us now, I stood in the rain and listened while people spoke of how wonderful he was.

He wasn't though. 

There was also a woman, one I loved..and lost. I used a different name for her, because I love her...and I hate her.

My fault for that, I suppose. Life is full of mistakes. So far the payment has been nearly 50 years. I didn't take my medicine when I woke up this morning, I couldn't write this if I did.

Way it is.

The mistakes here in this tale are all mine, I can make enough of those all by myself, no help required.} 

+++

Sonny was a guy I grew up with, we were buds all the way back to first grade and before.

He had sandy colored hair, lean and muscular at just under six feet tall. Just like me, except my hair was black.

Everyone called me Danny which I hated, I wanted to be called Dan. Sonny was the only one that always did call me Dan, usually anyway.

I wore a mustache, ever since as barely 14 year old kids Sonny and I were walking home down the bay road and we got into a foot race.

That happened a lot, sometimes he won and sometimes I did. We were competitive. This time I decided to cheat and cut the corner across a neighbor's field. The tide was out and I had to jump the narrow channels where the water normally filled them. It was an easy hop, no need to even put any real effort into it. 

The bank was wet, I missed when my foot slipped.

Down I came, right onto a sharp piece of a limb, which cut my upper lip almost to the bottom of my nose.

Sonny was right there in a few seconds, helped me home where Mom doctored me. There was no money for real Doctors so Mom sewed that up, the result was that I was left with a nasty scar.

After being teased at school with no mercy, I grew a mustache. One day Andy Walker got to teasing me, calling me "hair lip" and basically being an ass. He was the school bully, big, crew cut, we all know the type.

I told him to shut up, one nasty comment led to another, he shoved me into my locker and then we were going at it in the hall.

And I was losing. Hell, Andy had me by 50 pounds.

Then Sonny showed up, it became two against one and now we weren't losing. At one point Andy had me by the neck and was trying to mash me against the row of lockers lining the hall, Sonny kicked him right in the nuts from behind.

Andy ended up crying.

Unfair? Yes, it was, and we didn't give a shit.

From then on, if anyone messed around with one of us it was both of us, it didn't take long and things got real peaceful around out school.

Andy even quit picking on the other kids, they were grateful to us for that. If he started, we threatened him and he backed down every single time.

The result of that was that we had a lot of friends. Andy had been a genuine ass up until that day we cleaned his clock for him.

OK, we also got the proverbial chips on our shoulders, for quite some time we ran things around school.

But we did finally out grow that, thank God. By then we were in college, one of those local community places which are free. We both could afford free.

+++

Sonny and I were friends before but now we were inseparable. We were always up to something, too. 

We had discovered much earlier that girls were more than just a pain in the ass, so we planned out some ideas to have some fun. It was mostly Sonny that came up with the plans, I went willingly along with them though.

One Summer right out of high school we took two girls on a sort of picnic out in the woods, and I mean WAY out in the woods. They began to gripe about the long walk but we told them we were taking them to a secret place, so they followed grudgingly along. It was very nice out when we started, and Sonny had a big jug of wine he had swiped from the corner store downtown.

That was one thing I knew about Sonny that I didn't like much, he did have sticky fingers. I even yelled at him about it a few times but nothing changed there.

It probably didn't help that I ate the candy bars, drank the soda pop, sometimes beer or wine.

He encouraged me to grab something myself, but I just could not bring myself to do that. Still, I did share in the results of what he got, shame on me, I know.

We were all getting giggly and having a great time, when the wind picked up, right on schedule.

Soon it began to rain, no way in hell would we get back to town without getting soaked. We pitched a small tent over a low hanging limb, it was just a tarp we had brought along but it worked.

The spot was near a creek where Sonny and I went to snag Salmon that came up in the Fall, we knew the area well.

"You guys did this deliberately!" Jenny Miller accused us, her younger sister Marie was nodding and agreeing with her. 

We denied that of course, but the truth is we were sort of hoping things would turn out in our favor. 

Which is why we had two sleeping bags, the tarp, rope and tent stakes. The packs we had on our backs were sort of heavy, we had some Kentucky Fried and some snack bags for the picnic we told the girls we were taking them to.

Sonny acted like he didn't even notice the weight, I sure did. But Sonny was always on the strong side compared to me, even though we were the same size.

Cleverly we had checked the weather report. Rain in the afternoon, then clearing by evening, temperature in the middle 70's, perfect.

It was right, too, we got there and pitched our tent.

At first I thought we were busted but both girls were whispering to each other and grinning.

Sonny and I lost our virginity that afternoon. Well, I lost mine anyway, twice. I guess a person can't lose it twice, but that is the way I felt about it.

I wasn't real sure about Sonny.

Still, he wasn't exactly an expert with females, but then I wasn't either. One thing we did agree on, we both really liked that.

Jenny wasn't all that shy and I got to see her bare titties as Sonny was trying to figure out where everything was less than two feet away from me.

Marie was far more shy, maybe because she was sort of chunky, but once we got going she became very willing, she even reached down and grabbed me, getting me aimed properly.

It was pretty clear that both of them had done stuff like this before, things went together with no real trouble at all.

At one point Sonny was feeling Marie's right boob while he was poking Jenny, I was mauling Jenny's left boob while I was poking Marie.

It was kind of a different first time. It is amazing how exciting a closeup view of a man's very first real pussy is. Then when I rather eagerly climbed up on top of Marie, I thought she was saying "No No No!" and I hesitated, but she grabbed my fanny with her left hand and tugged, her right hand between us holding my dick aimed.

It turned out she was saying "Oh. Oh. Oh!"

Later on Jenny and I had a private session in our basement, afterwards Jenny told me that Sonny and I felt almost exactly the same which I found weird. That day she just appeared at our basement door, I let her in not really knowing what she wanted.

I found out what it was rather quickly though, all she had on that day was the pullover dress.

I asked Sonny later on if he ever got some privately from Marie and he grinned at me and said, "Of course."

A couple of times after that we got the two of them into our basement while the folks were out, neither Jenny or Marie was the least bit bashful.

I got to see things done from up close that most people only get to see in videos. We formed circles, girl/boy, girl/boy. That was neat, Marie sucking my dick while I ate Jenny, Jenny sucking Sonny's dick while he ate Marie.

Both of them had hairy pussies, but they looked and tasted completely different. Jenny used some kind of mild perfume down there, Marie didn't.

I liked it both ways. One thing about Jenny, she loved to suck gently on nipples, she did that with all three of us in turn. At one point Marie was sucking on my cock while Jenny was sucking my nipples, Sonny was fucking Jenny while I had my fingers inside of Marie.

We sure got an education in sex that Summer.

Over the next year or so we ganged up on several of the girls we knew, one would think none of them would go for that but the surprise was how well it worked.

Right about that time I had figured out that girls like to do naughty things too, as long as they are reasonably sure no one will ever find out. But girls also talk, and word got around I guess.

Sonny and I became very popular and none of the other boys could quite figure it out. We sure as hell were not about to tell, we knew damn good and well if word got out that would probably be the end of things.

Sometimes it was just one girl and the two of us, but usually we cornered two girls at once, then traded off.

Foursomes may seem strange but we liked doing that and had great success, even with a few of the so called "upper" crust gals that would have nothing to do with us publicly back in the community college we were attending.

In the halls they sometimes acted like Sonny and I didn't exist, get them alone and it was a different thing entirely. Other times, when no one was nearby we got big smiles, like in my math class Alice Miller who was Andy Miller's sister caught my eye and grinned.

I ran into her later at the soda shop, and invited her over to play Air Hockey. 

"OK." She said, after glancing around.

Alice was the first one I beat Sonny to, at least I thought I did.

Girls do talk, there is no doubt about that at all. Guys brag and often aren't telling the truth, women compare notes, they are way nastier than guys are. It was quite a discovery, man did things get easier to pull off once Sonny and I had that revelation.

Like Jeanie Herman, who was dating Johnny Harrington, the local bank President's son? Old man Harrington was always into every deal within 500 miles that had money involved.

His reputation was sort of shady, rumor had it that it wasn't good to cross him. He was a short and dumpy little man with beady eyes, I didn't know him well and didn't want to. How someone like him came up with a daughter that looked like Jeanie is beyond me.

Every school has a Jeanie, the best looking girl in the whole school. She knew it, too, the way she acted at school.

Jeanie was head cheerleader back in high school, on the debate team, Salutatorian at graduation. Into everything, and she mostly ran everything.

When she pooped, it came out inside little plastic pellets and didn't smell either, at least she acted that way. She always had the prettiest clothes, her hair was always perfection.

In the halls she wouldn't even look at us when we went by.

In private she tugged her panties down for us, it finally got so when we invited her into the basement to play "ping pong" or whatever other reason we came up with, she didn't even bother to wear any underwear.

She insisted that we couldn't do her in the pussy because she was saving that for Johnny, but her fanny was sure fair game. That was a new one for me, too.

Another thing Jeanie got off on was when she was down on her knees, naked, jacking us both off at once. She wanted us to blast off in her face, why she liked that so much I just don't know. She was trying to get us to both go off at once, and when she managed that her big soft tits would flush bright red.

Jeanie also liked to be spanked, which I also found weird. If one of us was swatting her on her bare ass, she would swing her butt up in the air and open her legs so we actually hit her on her pussy.

Without fail a few minutes of that set her off.

She must have told us, "Please don't tell Johnny." a dozen times. We promised, and we didn't, because we figured if we did, we wouldn't get any more of her butt.

But let's face it, Jeanie was bent over giggling and her pussy was right there, it would have been easy to just sort of "miss" a little bit?

But we said we wouldn't and kept our word, although Jeanie's pussy was all swollen up and wet looking, and I was sure tempted.

I even stuck my finger in there a few times, getting a "don't" from her which she really didn't mean. I knew that because I stuck my tongue in there and she didn't complain one bit.

She was the one that convinced me to "Lick it" back there some. Licking a butt hole did not strike me as a something I wanted to do very bad.

I had seen Sonny do that, but it just seemed nasty to me, I assumed it would taste awful.

It didn't, I think because she washed it real good before coming over, and I learned to like that real fast.

We also knew we might get a visit in the middle of the night if word got out, the Harrington family had a reputation which we knew all about.

Rumor had it that old man Harrington was behind Charley Baxter being found floating in the river, especially since Charley Baxter was his partner in a logging deal. Something about 9 truckloads got reported and scaled but 12 were hauled out?

Timber was up in price at the time and three missing loads was about 10-12 grand. Then Charley suddenly had one of those new Mustangs, it was blue and those cost about 10 grand back then, when someone piled on all of the toys and whistles. 

He only got to drive it for maybe 3 weeks.

But they decided Charley slipped and fell in while out fishing, hell, it wasn't even Salmon season and they never found any fishing gear.

The deal had one of those survivor clauses, so there was a blurb about that in the papers.

But nothing happened, and Charley Baxter got buried.

Old man Harrington now owned the whole company. He also ended up with the Mustang, how that happened I never did figure out.

+++

Then one night things got out of control and both Sonny and I got Jeanie's pussy. That was OK, by then she was fucking Johnny anyway. Of course she ended up pregnant and Johnny had to marry her.

She told us she thought the rubber she made Johnny use had broken. But she didn't make Sonny or me use one, which I never did get.

Jeanie delivered twin boys, now that was funny as hell. One had black hair and the other one had sandy colored hair. Johnny was sure proud of his twin boys. 

There was a brief period in there where I was concerned, but nothing ever came up and with Johnny having money, it was best to leave things be. Sonny and I even discussed what the possibilities were, he just shrugged.

Women pretend to be all virtuous in public but get them alone and feeling safe, they were down for doubles close to 90% of the time.

Either that or they wouldn't let us do anything.

Like Maggie Jones. Untouchable, we had no luck with her at all. She would get real mad at us if we even copped a feel, which both of us did attempt. It was a surprise to me when she came over, Sonny somehow talked her into that.

That gal sure took way more effort than most.

Sonny came up with some pot and we plied her with that, she got crazy giggly. Then he set up the movie player, it was a big reel to reel thing, he had a sheet he set up to see it on.

Porn, of course. Maggie seemed fascinated when she saw the film of an actual male pecker, she was tittering at first and pretending to not look, then staring. Sonny whipped out his, at first Maggie covered her eyes but she was peeking, next thing we knew she was rubbing it so I got mine out too.

So even Maggie got crossed off our list. We had a goal, get every single one of the girls in our school. 

Damn near made it, too. Sonny even told me that he got to Mrs. Morrison, the Social Sciences teacher. Right there in the fucking classroom after school? Mrs. Morrison was about 40 or so and not all that bad to look at, maybe 15 20 pounds on her fanny that was extra. Still Sonny giving it to her right there in the school?

That was a bit much. I then made my attempt at her, I got nowhere at all. It was the way things always were, it was almost like I was always along for the ride.

Yes, we did our best to get every single female, but by the end of the 2nd year in our community college we still had a few to go and I was getting less interested in that stuff.

A very big part of that was due to Sherry Cole, she was sort of my girl friend. I met her the last year before we graduated, her folks moved to our town and bought the auto parts store.

I could kiss her, even touch her ribs but that was it. I liked her at lot, so when Sonny tried his "invite" thing I told him no way. We had our very first argument, but I stood fast.

Sherry actually did come over, but nothing happened. I watched Sonny like a Hawk that evening, but he didn't even try anything.

I didn't want Sonny fucking Sherry, I just didn't. I hadn't even got to do it myself yet. By then I understood that it always seemed that he got to the girls first.

Even Alice Miller, the one that I had thought I got before he did? I happened to mention that one day when Sonny was bragging, he grinned and asked me if I noticed the long scar on her left tit.

Alice Miller had a scar on her left tit, from falling off a Horse once years before.

That one busted my bubble, and it pissed me off a little bit.

+++

Rumors were floating around by then, I guess, somehow Sherry got wind of what Sonny wanted, and some of the things we had been doing. Like I said, girls talk.

The stuff with Maggie happened right about the time Sherry and I were just starting out dating.

I was in the middle of that, sure, misgivings about it but it was what Sonny and I had done for a long time, so when he got something set up, I went along with it.

Sherry found out somehow, that caused an argument, we broke up. I was upset, I really liked Sherry. 

I think the real truth is that I was growing up. I was well aware that what we were doing was not very nice, we used them and that was it. Sure, we didn't force anyone, or anything like that but we did get them drunk and stoned and took advantage of them.

Sonny and I did go out a lot and shoot pool, drink beer and hang out, but I was more mature and I understood that some of the things we were doing was just not nice to the women.

He never changed much in that respect though, women to him were just something to play with.

+++

I was best man when Sonny married Kathy Alexander, a tall and sort of on the heavy side little sweet heart. Her family was new in town and he met her at the gas station where he worked. She had a big smile that never left her face, she kept a perfect home and they seemed happy. 

I was over there a lot. The idea of us doing her together just didn't come up. Thinking about that now, back then it didn't even cross my mind.

She was Sonny's wife, that meant untouchable to me now. We were both growing up, all of the shenanigans ended when he married her.

At least for me, anyway. Sonny just never changed, not really.

The other weird part was often Sonny and I would be talking, he would say something like "remember when?" and launch into detail about some women we had been with.

Kathy was right there, she never batted an eye so he obviously had told her all about our antics.

It was maybe six months later when I ran into Sherry again. I remember that day, I spotted her across the store and worked my way around until I was right in front of her.

Seeing her took my breath away, she really was a gorgeous little thing. Sherry was barely 4' 8" tall, she wore a "C" cup bra which on her made her upper body look enormous. 

"Hi." Was all I said. A smile crossed her face, she said hi back and we just stood there and looked at each other.


Troubling Question



"Hey, I would like to take you out to dinner." I managed to get out.

"OK." She answered instantly. She seemed happy about it, that gave me hope.

We were quickly right back to dating. It took me nearly a dozen dates to find that out those breasts were real though, she was one of those who just would not give it up easily.

I didn't even think about sharing her either, something about Sherry was making me selfish.

I tried though myself, lord did I try. When we first started dating again I also had a gal named Marilee that lived in the apartment right across from mine. 

Several times after I would get home from a date with Sherry, Marilee would show up at my door.

That was one of those "friends with benefits" type of arrangements, she liked to fuck me and I liked to fuck her. I met her after Sherry and I broke up, when she moved into my apartment building.

One thing led to another, we always stopped and talked when I saw her in the hall. I never made a pass or asked her out, for maybe three weeks it was just that, stop and talk. 

Then she knocked on my door at 11 O'clock one night, in just her bathrobe.

"Can I borrow some Sugar?" She asked me with a giggle the instant the door closed, and she dropped the robe.

Her body was nice and tight, so yes, she most certainly could borrow some.

"God, I needed that." Were the words she used about two hours later.

Sherry got wind of Marilee, how I have no clue. More of that "girls talk" I guess.

She mentioned that she had heard that I had a girl friend on the side, I told her the truth that yes, I was dating some.

I also told her I loved her for the very first time and would stop if she wanted me to commit to her. Oddly, Sherry didn't act upset, rather, she appeared to go deep into thought for several long seconds.

She also did not say she loved me back, so I took that as perhaps she was not ready.

The very next evening after a movie she asked me if I had any plans later. We were parked and Sherry was letting me kiss her, I could even touch her but just through her clothes. 

The truth was that I was already expecting to end up in the sack with Marilee later but I was having fun being with Sherry at the moment. 

For some reason I didn't think of being with Marilee as cheating. After all, Sherry and I had made no commitments.

Marilee was more like a..requirement? Something I needed that filled in the need, almost like...food?

"Well, how about if I come over to your place?" Sherry asked me.

So she came over, we even saw Marilee in the hallway, she just grinned and winked at me.

"I don't know how to do this." Sherry said the moment the door was closed.

"How to do what?" I have to admit I was confused.

"I went on the pill, and I want you to be the one to do it." Her face was flaming red.

That I understood.

I discovered that Sherry was not a virgin, that was a surprise. But what could I say? I sure as hell was not one myself, not by a long shot.

I also realized that any experience she did have was slight at best, there were no practiced motions.

Her body was magnificent. When the good lord designed the perfect female, Sherry was what he had planned. She even put Jeanie, the one other woman whose body I found spectacular to shame.

I even went down on her at first, that startled her and she tried to keep me from doing that, seeing her like that but I persisted. That part of her was beautiful, swollen and very visible with a large mass of wrinkled lips.

"No! It's dirty." She mumbled but I kept right on. It wasn't the least bit dirty.

Somewhere in there that changed to her mashing herself against my face as my tongue found her button, she was letting out squeaks and squeals, grunting and soaked in sweat, her eyes glazed over.

I did that for a very long time, watched as her nipples became like little steel bullets, her belly flushed red.

It took me a full 10 minutes to worry myself inside of her. By then I was an old hand at invading female flesh, I had long since lost count of how many. This was different, finally I felt her give and soon I had my longest, most powerful orgasm of all.

It was the craziest, wildest, most sexual experience of my life. Considering some of the things I had done in my life, that says a lot.

When she gave, it was sudden.

By the time I finally did settle all the way in between her legs, she was ready and it was not even a struggle any more. Her eyes were staring into mine, that was an amazing moment all by itself.

I had to lean down and bury my face by her neck, because it brought tears to my eyes. That I don't know how to explain.

By morning we still had not slept, and I was completely sure I was in love. Sherry's body somehow fit perfectly, there is no other explanation except that she was made for me and me alone.

Over breakfast, some scrambled eggs which had to be that way since I broke the yolks about 100% of the time, I asked her what made her decide.

"Since I know about you and that Marilee, and I don't want you to do that with her any more? I love you and I want to be with you, so I knew I had to let you do it with me, or you wouldn't stop." She told me, just like that.

"I love you too, Honey. I will be faithful to you, I promise." I told her.

Stopping was easy, I no longer had any interest in Marilee.

I did ask her straight out about my thinking I was not the first with her, she blushed furiously, then told me haltingly that she had played around with a toy a little bit "way back".

I accepted that, I really did.

Sonny was the best man at our wedding.

+++

Things became the four of us, fishing trips, camping out, we were on a mixed bowling team. About a year later we went together to Hawaii, Kathy actually wore a bikini. That was the first time I ever saw her with less clothes and she wasn't fat at all, she was just a big gal.

She had on a one piece outfit which covered skin but lord did it show off curves!

Sherry had her bikini on, and it was tough to not just stare at her. I noticed Sonny sure did. Sherry's waist was an honest to God 18", with her still very high and firm bust and round bottom, she got looked at a lot by everyone.

Sonny and I were down in one of the bars having a drink of some kind, the things looked like they had a salad stuffed in them. The girls were out doing what women do, which is shop.

"What is she like?" He asked me out of the clear blue sky. He had never asked me a question quite like that before.

"What is who like?" I asked back, that went right over my head for a moment.

"Sherry. You know, in the sack? How is she?" He was grinning, I realized whatever was in the drink was hitting him.

"Pretty wild, the best I was ever with. Hell, that's part of why I married her." I told him.

"I kind of thought so, she somehow looks like...she is hot! Kathy is nice, it's just that...?" His voice trailed off.

"Are you guys having some troubles?" I asked.

There had never been a sign, not one, they appeared to be happy.

"No, it's not that. I guess I am just bored. We used to have one hell of a lot of fun, didn't we?" He gave me a grin.

"Yea, but there comes a time when...you know?" I managed.

"Yea. Too bad. But if you were ever in the mood? I would love to do that again."

I just looked at him.

"Hell, we can do Kathy too if you want, I am sure she would be up for it." He laughed like he had just made a joke.

"Kathy? You mean you would go for that?" I asked.

"Sure, why not? She is a pretty good fuck, it's not like we haven't done things like that before."

"You guys have?" That shouldn't have been a surprise to me.

"You know Cary, our neighbor? Kathy gave him a hand job and let him suck on her boobs. It didn't go all the way though. His dick isn't very big, Kathy likes big ones. Like me and...you." He grinned at that.

"Kathy did that? Really? Why?" I asked.

"I asked her to, I remembered those fun times we had. But it wasn't the same for some reason."

I didn't know what to say.

"I was thinking, maybe the four of us could...swing?" Sonny said.

"Sherry wouldn't, she was a virgin when we met."

"She told you that? That's almost funny. She might surprise you." Sonny grinned at me.

That comment pissed me off a little bit.

We left it at that, but the seed was planted in my head. I found myself looking at Kathy differently. Sure, she was a large woman but she also exuded sexuality. 

She caught me looking at her a few times, and just smiled slyly. I tried to get the thought of seeing her naked and hot, tried to get that thought out of my head but it kept creeping in.

The next day we were supposed to take a tour of the islands, but Sherry had a sunburn. One thing I learned is a person can sure get a sunburn in Hawaii, it's very easy to do if not tanned yet.

Sherry's on the fair side skin didn't have much chance, 30 minutes out in that Sun turned her Lobster red.

I went down to a little store and got some lotion, went back up and had Sherry stretched out naked on the bed, rubbing it on gently.

There was a knock on the door, Sonny and Kathy had come by to pick us up. I told them what was up, they understood. I went back into the bedroom and finished up putting lotion on my wife.

"Go ahead and go, honey. I will just stay here and rest." Sherry told me. 

So I did, for the next two hours we rode along and looked at stuff. Oahu is no big deal except for the beaches and the end of the island away from Honolulu, so I was bored by the time we got back.

The pint of whiskey Sonny had sneaked into his pocket had me buzzing by then pretty good.

Sherry was fast asleep when we got to our room, I didn't want to wake her so I shut the bedroom door and went back out into the main room.

"Hey, Let her sleep. Come on back to our room and have a beer, OK?" Sonny asked me.

That sounded good so I went with them. Their room was different from ours, the bedroom section had a drape made of wooden strips that rolled up and down. The slats had half inch wide gaps between each one so they didn't hide very much.

Sonny handed me a beer and sat down, Kathy went into the bedroom. I almost dropped my beer when she tugged her T-shirt over her head, then leaned down and tugged off her shorts.

That fast, she was naked as a jaybird, she then walked out and sat down across from me, as Sonny handed her a beer. She raised one eyebrow and grinned.

Sonny just laughed when he saw my mouth hanging open.

"Relax, Dan. Kathy ain't modest and besides, we are on vacation. Time to kick back and get comfortable."

I shrugged and pretended this was no big deal.

Kathy sure did have a fine set of tits on her though.

I was liking looking at them. She even sat in a relaxed manner, every time she moved her leg her pussy was in view for a couple of seconds.

Sonny got up and went to sit beside her, in no time he had his hands all over her as I sat there and drank my beer, watching. That was a bit like old times, Sonny and I had shared quite a few females in similar situations, it was fun to watch him when he was working her over.

I got a hard on to end all hard ons when he pressed her knees apart, knowing very well that from my vantage point less than six feet away I could see everything. He used two fingers to spread her pussy open, showing it off to me.

"You gonna just sit there or are you gonna come over here and give me a hand?" He grinned over his shoulder. Kathy had his pants open by then and was giving it to him right back.

I couldn't help it, I set down my beer, got up and walked over there. Kathy reached up and undid my jeans, fished my erection out of there.

"Oh boy! Two big hard ones!" She grinned. One hand was now working up and down on me, the other on Sonny.

Then Sonny slid into position, Kathy leaned back and spread her legs, never letting go of me.

Sonny lasted a long time, but then he always did.

I used to way back try and last as long as he did, but I never quite managed that. Sonny would have made a pretty good porn star, he had no trouble at all staying up for very long periods.

Finally he let go, then after a few minutes he rolled over.

"Your turn, if you want to." He told me, panting.

By then I wanted to, and I did. Kathy was wet and warm inside, puffy. I slipped right in, no trouble at all. She let out some moans that sounded like it hurt but of course I knew it didn't.

Then those big hips of hers were pounding upwards at me. Her inner muscles were strong, she gripped me like a vice when she hit her peak.

When we were finished, I looked down at her. Kathy had her eyes closed, still basking.

Instantly Sherry asleep back in our room popped into my head and I was ashamed.

"I need to go check on Sherry." I said to no one in particular.

"She is fine, stick around and we can have another go in a few minutes." Sonny told me.

"No, I really do need to go check." I said, standing up. Kathy opened her eyes, looked at me. There was a flash of puzzlement in her expression but she didn't say anything.

I dressed in a rush, almost ran back to our room.

Sherry was still asleep, so I went into the bathroom and cleaned up to hide the evidence.

I was completely ashamed of myself, we had promised ourselves to each other, and now....?

My God! What did I just do? If she ever found out...?

I didn't dare tell her, I think I knew what her reaction would be.

+++

That night the four of us went to dinner, I was quiet, waiting for one of them to say something and then all hell would break loose.

I was fairly sure that Sherry would have a screaming fit if she knew. But everything was perfectly normal, so I finally relaxed. Then Kathy and Sherry went to visit the lady's room.

"So when do you want us to give Sherry a roll?" Sonny asked me.

"Is that what it was all about? You want to get to Sherry?" I asked him.

"Hell, yea! She is such a tiny little thing, I would love to! You did say she is a hottie in the sack, didn't you?" He grinned at me.

"Hey, don't go telling me you are going to be selfish?" He added when I didn't answer.

"It's different with us, we don't...I mean, Sherry was a virgin." I protested.

"I sort of doubt that, but all the more reason to let her find out what something different is like. Crap, how many broads have we broken in, anyway?"

"Sonny, let's drop it. I don't want to, not with Sherry." I told him.

"Man, that's pretty damn one sided, Dan, you just hosed Kathy not 6 hours ago. Fair is fair." His expression changed to mildly angry.

"I just can't. Not Sherry, she isn't like that."

"Sure she is, she just doesn't know it yet." He snorted. Just then the two women came back, the conversation went back to normal.

Later, in our room, I wanted to say something, tell Sherry. I was ashamed at what I had done, the combination of drinking, an exotic location, then Sonny doing what he did which was something I had been a part of so many times it was almost normal?

When we were crazy kids, that was just fun. Now married and settled down with a woman I loved more than anything on earth?

It was completely different.

I had fucked up, and royally. Now my marriage was in jeopardy and I knew it. Sherry was a very sexual woman, but just with me. She knew I had been intimate with others before, of course she did but that was before we had taken our vows.

How in the world was I ever going to tell her?

How was I ever going to try and fix this?

I didn't have a clue.

What I did do was try and avoid being around Sonny, or Kathy, for that matter.

That turned out to be not all that easy to do.

+++

It was about three weeks later when the phone rang. It was Sonny, he wanted to know if I would go fishing with him out at a nearby lake. I would have begged off but Sherry was right there, and she asked.

"It's Sonny, he wants to go fishing. I need to work on cleaning out the garage." I said. That was already an excuse I had used a couple of times.

"Oh bull, honey. Go ahead and go, you guys haven't done anything for weeks. If that garage gets any cleaner we should move into it instead of in here!" She gave me a big smile.

That is how Sonny and I ended up in a little 12 foot rowboat in the middle of a lake. I knew very well what was coming, and it didn't take long.

"So? Did you tell Sherry yet?" Sonny asked.

"Tell her what?"

"That I let you fuck my old lady. She liked it, by the way, and said you can pop by any time!" He snorted at that, reached out and slapped me on the shoulder.

"We need to forget that ever happened." I said, keeping my hands busy tying on a lure.

"No way! I should get my piece, that's fair." He protested.

"Sonny, no way in hell am I going to let you have Sherry, besides, she wouldn't anyway."

"Oh, I bet she would, and not only that, she would love it! Hell, maybe I will just go fuck her and be done with it, you don't need to be there anyway." He chortled.

That was when I hit him.

They say the first good punch wins the fight, there is some truth to that. One thing to remember also that a 12 foot long boat in the middle of a rather large lake is the wrong place to start one.

I have no idea where I connected, but connect I did. Sonny rolled over sideways, tried to stand up and went right over the side.

Next thing I knew he was grasping at the side of the little boat, it shipped water from his weight as he tied to climb back in, then suddenly it was full of water and I was in the lake too.

Made from aluminum, it had foam filled in underneath the seats so it didn't sink. I grabbed it, trying to roll it back over when I saw stars as something hit me right in the back of the head.

With my head spinning, I turned just in time to see Sonny swing again, then everything went black.

+++

I seem to remember sirens but I am not sure about that. I am also thinking that I woke up several times, people hovering around but I am not sure of that, either.

When I did wake up, nothing was familiar. I let out a groan, I had a headache to end all headaches.

"Well! Awake, I see? Just lie still, I will get the Doctor." A woman that appeared to be very blurry said.

I reached up to rub my head but all I felt was a lot of hair and a spot where there was much less. There was an odd feeling rough spot too, it seemed large.

The Doctor came in, mostly talking to himself. Something about body temperature, a bunch of things I didn't understand.

I went back to sleep, it seemed like I woke up every few minutes but there was a clock on the wall and it was hours every time. Sometimes I felt hands but I didn't know what they were doing to me.

Then one day I did know, someone was washing me and rolling me this way and that.

I sat up part way, but there were hoses attached and I couldn't sit up all the way.

"Lie still, honey. I will get the Doctor." A woman's voice came from what sounded like from inside of a barrel.

+++

I woke up again to sunshine on me, the drapes were pulled back. Someone was sitting there, it took me some time to realize it was Sherry.

She looked at me, her eyes lit up.

Her hair was longer than I remembered?

"Oh my God, you are awake, honey? How do you feel?" She got up, reached out and held my hand.

There were tears in her eyes.

"Like shit." I managed, the first real words I had spoken that I could remember since waking up a few hours earlier.

The words were very hard to say, it was like my mouth, my tongue? They didn't work properly.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Your boat flipped over, it hit you in the head. They brought you here, for awhile there we weren't sure you would make it." Her lip was quivering, another tear welled up in her eye.

"No, it was Sonny..Where is Sonny...?"

"Sonny is fine, he is the one who brought you in." She said.




Troubling Question



"Where is he?" It was coming back to me.

"At work today."

"What? Today is Sunday?" I said.

"No, today is Thursday. You have been in a coma for seven months." Sherry was really squeezing my hand now. Her eyes were now brimming with tears, her voice shaky.

That took me some getting used to. Seven months? What in the world?

+++

"Subdural Hematoma" Is what the Doctor told me had happened to me. I really had no idea what that was, but things had been touch and go for awhile. My body was covered with blisters when we arrived at the hospital, something about the body not being able to regulate temperature.

I expected Sonny to come in and see me, but he didn't. Perhaps that was a good thing, I was still angry at him.

Then it was 2 months later before I was ready to be released. They wheeled me out to the car. I looked at it.

It was an older Dodge van, shabby.

"Where is the Impala?" I asked Sherry.

"The bank came and took it, there was no insurance so I couldn't keep up the payments. I'm sorry." Sherry said.

She got behind the wheel, pulled out onto the freeway. The thing was a stick shift, the long lever jutted up from the floor. I had no idea she could even drive one but she managed expertly.

"Where are we going? Our house is the other way." I asked.

"That went too, honey. Sonny and Kathy let me live in their spare bedroom. Thank God for that, or I could have been on the street. Your insurance from work covered some of the medical bills, but I had to sell the house once our savings ran out. It was all government assistance after that. Until I finally found....some...work."

It never registered on me to ask Sherry what she was doing, at that point I still was not thinking clearly. She never mentioned the house, the car, everything going.

"Swell." I mumbled. I was young and didn't pay any attention to better medical insurance, things like that. Stupid of course, but that is what happened.

Then it hit me.

Sherry? Living with Sonny and Kathy? That had not even crossed my mind while in the hospital, now it did.

I wanted to ask then, desperately, but I didn't.

I remembered very clearly what my friend Sonny had said. He wanted to fuck my Sherry, and Sonny was the kind of guy that usually managed that if he set his sights on doing it.

+++

Kathy was there and greeted us, Sonny was gone to work. She hugged me, Sherry took me back to the room she was using and I sat down.

"So what has been happening, honey?" I asked.

The financial mess I had left her with was my own fault, I felt guilty about that. I already knew we owed the hospital more money than I could probably come up with in the rest of my life.

One thing about owing money though is that if a person has none at all, it is not a worry.

"I have been working, honey." I looked at Sherry, the way she said that got my attention.

"Doing what?" I asked her.

"Down at Clara's day spa." She looked down.

"Doing what?" I knew Sherry knew nothing about hair or nails.

"I am one of the massage girls." She told me, her face flushing.

"WHAT???" I demanded.

"I am sorry, honey. I had to, You know I have never held a job, and we got married so young I don't have any real skills."

"You do...massages? What kind of massages?" I demanded. I already knew, Clara's had a reputation that was fairly well known. I had never been there, but Sonny talked about the place.

"You know what kind." Sherry answered, in a tiny little voice. She wouldn't quite meet my gaze.

"I don't believe this! How could you?" I demanded.

"I had to! There was nothing else, I had to! We were losing everything!" Sherry shot right back.

I didn't have an answer for her.

We sat and looked at each other in silence.

"How could you have sex with Kathy?" Sherry demanded after a minute or so. 

I wasn't ready for that, either.

"How do you know about that?" I asked finally, unable to meet her steady gaze. A dozen excuses flashed into my mind but all of them sounded lame.

"Kathy told me. She is the one that found me the job, when I told her I couldn't do anything like that she told me about what happened."

"You mean you are having SEX with men? Customers?"

"No, just...you know...hands." Sherry blushed furiously.

"Has Sonny been? Have you and he had....?" I couldn't finish the question.

"What? No, of course not. Sonny hasn't done anything at all, Danny. Without him and Kathy, I don't know what I would have done."

I wanted to talk more, get it all sorted out, but my eyes were closing.

And I wasn't sure I believed her.

There was nothing I could do about anything, nothing at all. I was so weak I could barely make the bathroom by myself.

It was also clear that being released by the hospital was premature, but then with no more insurance payments, they likely wanted to get rid of me.

How a few months lying in bed can take all of a man's energy is beyond me, but I never felt so weak in my life.

Sherry got me to bed, that was the last thing I remembered.

+++

"Hey!" I heard a voice, it sounded hollow. I opened my eyes, Sonny stood there looking down at me.

I sat up with a groan, the room kept tipping and I felt dizzy.

"Vertigo, the Doc said you might have some troubles with it." Sonny said.

"What in the hell happened out there?" I asked him.

"Hell, you clocked me! I never dreamed you would do something like that. The damn boat went over, I hit you back. Then you were floating face down so I had to pull you out. Somehow I got the boat back upright and bailed it, got you to shore. When you wouldn't wake up and I saw the blisters I knew."

"Knew what?"

"You had blood on the brain. Hell, Danny, I am sorry as hell about that."

"I didn't want you messing with Sherry!" I blurted out.

"Yea, I got that. I just thought that, since you and Kathy? Anyway, I left her alone. You and me are buds, OK? We fucked up, I know that now but at least you are lucky, she forgives you."

"How do you know that?"

"She told us, plus we told her everything. Kathy got her a job at the spa were she works."

"God, Kathy works there too?"

"Yea, she does. It brings in $300, sometimes $400 per shift. It's not what you think, they just do rubs."

"Rubs? Jesus fucking Christ! Rubs?"

"Hey, it ain't a big deal. She needed a job and that stuff is easy. Besides, Sherry is different, she won't do anything else at all. Hell, she won't even get her tits out for the customers, she could make twice as much if she would. She is lucky to bring home $200. Hell, they call her the Ice Princess, the boss would can her but for some crazy reason she has regulars."

"I suppose that makes it all better, right?"

"She loves you, for God's sakes. Otherwise she would be long gone. She sat there in your room every single moment that she wasn't working."

"This is just great." I mumbled.

Right about in there was when I made my decision. Was it the right one? Thinking about that later, it struck me how much a person can give up because of pride and being stubborn.

Right at that time, pride and being stubborn prevailed.

+++

It took weeks before I began doing exercises, then finally started running. Well, it began as just walking, then short trots. One day I actually ran about 100 feet, from there improvement was rapid.

Sherry came home from work, not one time did she mention anything about it and I didn't ask. The whole idea of what she was doing burned at me, I forced myself to keep it out of my mind.

A few times she reached for me with her hands, that instantly put the bad thoughts into my head and no way could I get an erection. Sherry picked up on that, she quit trying to do even that.

I saw her begin to change, it was like a light that had always been in her eyes before just faded away.

She also flatly refused to quit the job she was doing, telling me we needed the income.

Sonny went off to his job, Kathy left the same time Sherry did. Those times I was alone, I just did everything I could think of to get back in shape. My weight began to come back, and in places it hadn't been before. My arms filled out, so did my legs. The crazy dizziness that tormented me faded.

One day I stepped on the scales and they read the same weight as before, but my shirt size was now one size larger, and my waist was one size smaller.

My wife and I were together, yet apart if that makes any sense at all. How a person can bottle up both anger and guilt at the same time is beyond me, I somehow managed to do that, too.

I finally found work, same field, different company.

Sherry by now knew. So did I. There was no real way to continue like this.

She just looked saddened when I told her what I was going to do.

"I guess I knew." Was the sum total of what she had to say. I expected her to cry, beg, throw some kind of fit.

She didn't. It was almost like she was resigned to it.

"You are one dumb ass!" Was what Sonny had to say, in disgust. I reached out and shook his hand. I had liked Sonny, he had been my friend for a very long time.

But now? Nothing was the same, and I could see no way for it ever to be like it was before.

I also knew I just could not stay, not with all that had happened. My own guilt was somehow overshadowed at what Sherry was doing.

"Rubs" it was called. I knew what that meant. How many men had she done that with? It had to be hundreds, perhaps..thousands? My wife, a jack off queen? Even with my own long history with women, that was something I just could not accept.

I was also having troubles dealing with my own guilt, my own failings, my own weakness. I had cheated with my best friend's wife, and being drunk was not an excuse. Of course, the one I had hurt was my own wife, and....myself.

+++

Nearly four years later, a man walked into the gym. I looked at him, not very many men came into the gym wearing business suits. He talked to the manager, then looked my way.

I saw his eyes widen, by now my body had 30 new pounds on it, my hair was closely shaven. A couple of fairly large tattoos covered my upper arms.

The gym had become a crazy obsession, it was the one place I could get some peace. Soaked in sweat, my muscles and blood vessels bulging, I probably looked intimidating.

I took the packet he thrust into my hand.

"You are served." He didn't change expression, just turned and walked away.

Sherry had filed for divorce, one of those "No fault" things. I read the papers, she wanted nothing. That was probably the sum total of my life at that point anyway, nothing.

I made it all the way home to my apartment before the flood came. I sat and bawled like a baby. I had deliberately shoved everything out of my mind, doing my best to force myself to not think about what was, what could have been.

Pounding weights, fighting through pain and keeping right on is a very good way to do that.

But what did I expect from Sherry? I had left that day and I didn't look back.

My life had been perfect before, I wasn't proud of what I had been like growing up, but to me, being with Sherry was my life making amends.

She had come to me completely pure, innocent, it was somehow like being born again.

Then that day in Hawaii, in a partially drunken state, I cheated on her. Torn with guilt over that, over my own weakness, things had escalated. Sonny was just being Sonny, a crazy guy with his own ideas of life and sexuality.

That kind of life was not for me.

Finding out that Sherry had bypassed her own morals was a shock, had anyone told me that something like that could even happen, I would have called them a liar.

That is one sided, of course, but that fact changed nothing.

In the four years since I had even seen any of them, the thought was always there, in the back of my mind that somehow, just maybe, I could go back.

I should have. I could have. But I didn't.

Four long years, not a single word. My new life was over 1000 miles away from the old one. I sat and thought about that as I read those papers.

"No!" I yelled, standing up. Several men in the club turned to look at me, I ignored them.

+++

When I asked for a couple of weeks off, my boss told me I couldn't take the time.

"I just can't spare you right now, we have the new evening group you are training, so sorry. You will need to work something else out." He said. He didn't even look up from the computor screen he was staring at.

"Sure I can, I quit." I told him, and walked out.

The 1000 mile drive back to the city went by in a blur, the old Ford pickup I now drove purred the whole way. To this day I don't remember any of the trip, my thoughts were somewhere else.

When I pulled up at Sonny and Kathy's place, the first person I saw was Kathy. She was outside. clipping some plants in the yard.

She looked up at me, no sign of recognition on her face. Probably easy to understand, the long hair and slender 160 pound frame was replaced by a 220 pound male with a nearly bald head.

"My God! Look at you!" She exclaimed when it hit her who I was.

"Hello, Kathy. Is Sherry here?" I asked her.

"No. She moved out, not long after you left."

"Oh. Do you know where she lives?"

"Yes. She bought a small house over on 17th street." Kathy said.

"Bought? A house?" I was wondering where she hsd come up with the money for something like that?

Kathy read my thoughts.

"She inherited an estate from one of her Uncles, I guess it was quite a bit. I know she had enough to pay off all of the medical bills and some left over."

"She paid off my medical bills?"

"Yes, she did."

That was something I knew nothing about, but then how could I? There had never been a single word. I had noticed that the bills from the hospital had quit coming, but I had assumed they had given up.

"Is she..still....?" I started to ask.

Kathy smiled.

"No, Dan. She went to a trade school, she is working as a nurse over at the hospital, Samaritan. Plus she is in night school, trying to get her degree to be a registered nurse."

I guess I blinked at that. Sherry? A...nurse?

"So what is going on?" Kathy asked, when I didn't say anything.

"She filed for a divorce."

"Oh. And you don't like that, I see. For God's sakes, go see her! What in the world has taken you so long?"

"I just...? I don't know. Maybe I should just....?"

"God damn you! You go see her. She is completely different now, all grown up. Sherry loves you, everything she did was for you, to try and see to it you were taken care of. You repaid that by just leaving?"

I did manage to get out a thank you and turn away to my truck before the tears that welled up in my eyes betrayed me.

"You are in for a surprise, so don't you dare fuck things up, Danny!" I heard her yell out. I caught a glimpse of Kathy standing there, her hands on her hips.

I turned to ask her what she was talking about, but the front door was closing. I just started the truck and headed over to the address Kathy had given me.

+++

I guess I stood there on that porch for 15 solid minutes, trying to get up the courage to knock. 

Finally I did.

It took me a moment to realize that the woman with the long reddish hair was Sherry, the last time I saw her, the hair was much shorter and dark.

"Yes?" She asked, her eyes showing no sign at all of recognition.

"It's me, Dan. I just wanted to...?" I told her.

"Dan? DAN! My God, you don't look anything at all like you did. If it wasn't for your voice....?" Her expression was one of shock.

We then looked at each other for a long moment.

"Well, come on in." Sherry stood aside, I walked in.

+++

It should have been easy to talk, it had been before. But now every comment was halting, like it was thought out before saying out loud.

Sherry mentioned her schooling, and how she was just a couple of years away from her certification.

I explained about how I had gotten into working out and then could not stop, it became an obsession, which evolved into a trade. I now trained others who had the same obsession, or partially anyway.

We had been talking for perhaps an hour, both of us beating the bush around what we wanted to say.

Just as I was going to ask about her wanting a divorce, a door opened. There stood a little girl perhaps four years old. Her eyes were enormous, she looked at me, then stuffed her thumb in her mouth.

I looked at her and back to Sherry, who suddenly had tears in her eyes.

"This is Danielle." Sherry told me quietly.

I think I blinked in surprise, the little girl was clearly a spitting image of what Sherry must have looked like at that age.

"I see. I wondered why after all this time you finally wanted to....? Is the father still around, I mean, is that what you want?"

"Danielle is yours, Danny." Sharon said flatly.

"What? She can't be, I have been gone....?"

"Danny, you and I made love about three weeks before you...before you left. I quit taking the birth control pills when you were...sick, and when you were recovering we...we didn't..."

I remembered that, best described as less than memorable. Sherry had just gotten home, she hugged me but I wasn't really in the mood. She went in and took a shower before coming to bed, when she came out with a towel wrapped around herself. The way she looked, so beautiful, so vulnerable, I had reacted and I reached out for her.

Still, it was a struggle for me, I barely managed an erection. The thought was there, the body was not complying well at that point in my life.

We did complete the act, but like I said, less than memorable.

+++

I sat there for some time in surprise. Sherry didn't say a single word. Little Danielle went over to a box of toys and began to play.

"So? What are you going to do, Danny?" Sherry asked me.

"I don't know. I guess I need to find work, send support. I was also thinking, what if you and I were to give it another try? Perhaps if we put everything behind us....?"

Sherry appeared uncomfortable at that, she wouldn't quite meet my eyes.

"There is something else you don't know, Danny. I met someone, he is a Doctor where I work. We have been...dating."

"Oh." I suppose I should have thought about that, expected something along those lines. Life goes on, no one can expect love to last forever.

"Is it serious?" I asked her.

"Yes, his name is Dale, he should be home in a few minutes." She said.

"Home?" That word cut into me, I don't know what I expected. Perhaps that everything would be normal, everyone waiting for me to get my own act together?

"I see. I guess I had better go then."

"No. Please stay. Because of Danielle, you will always be in our lives, so I want you to meet Dale."

Dale walked in less than 20 minutes later, he looked at me with some surprise and discomfort showed in his face. He was a medium height man, about 35 or so, and very slender. Not what I would have expected Sherry to pick at all.

The way I appeared at that point in my life did create that kind of reaction in most people.

"Dale, this is my...my husband, Dan. Dan, meet Dale." Sherry said with some discomfort.

"I see." Dale shook my hand, I was careful to not clamp down.

We did talk, but the truth is that in this situation there really isn't a hell of a lot to talk about.

Finally I left, but now I stupidly began to plan on how to win my wife back. I had already told her I did not want a divorce, she had looked at me sadly and told me she did.

Using the excuse of visiting my daughter, I began to drop by every few days. Over a period of a few months, my hair grew back, and I was being on my best behavior.

Things did come to a head, of course they did. Dale did not like the idea of my being around, and by he time he complained to Sherry about it I already had Danielle calling me "Daddy."

I rebelled when Sherry told me they needed me to "structure" my visits more regularly, and she suggested every other weekend.




Troubling Question



"Look, I don't want to be kept away from my daughter, and besides, I don't want a divorce either." I told her flatly.

"Danny, we can't be together, we just can't. I am with Dale now and that is how it is going to be." She actually sounded angry, a rare thing for her.

"Why not?"

"Danny, there is something I never told you, I had no idea at all on how to. But now I think I must." She looked me right in the eyes.

"And what is that?" I asked.

"Remember when you and I first made love? You realized I was not...I didn't have my...hymen?"

"Yes, I do."

"I lied to you, I didn't lose that to any toy."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You were...doing all of those things and I found out. I couldn't take that, so we broke up?" She had a strange look on her face, I wasn't getting it.

"And?" I asked.

"It was...Sonny. He asked me out and we...he made love to me...in his car. I was angry with you, and I let him. It was just the one time, even when I moved in with them, he never tried, not even once. That's the truth." She said bitterly.

I stared at her. That was when I was convinced, Sherry really was done with me. There was nothing left, nothing else to do at that point.

She killed us for all time.

Once again, I walked away.

+++

Some might think I should go over and beat Sonny senseless, no reason for that, though. Yes, he had lied to me, knowing how I felt about Sherry, about things. But then Sherry had also lied, for the same reasons.

And me? I had lied myself. The result of everything that happened was a life there was no way back to.

I did go back to work, yes, once again training. That old Boss that I quit when he wouldn't give me time was so happy to see me back he was beside himself.

I went on to mixed martial arts, some of you saw me in the camp trying to win a contract. I didn't win, but the publicity was enough for me to get some matches, a few on TV.

The money? It's pretty good, and I met this lady fighter named Rachel, one thing led to another and she lives with me now.

I did ask her how many boyfriends she had before me once. She told me it was none of my fucking business. Sure, I could probably whip her but I don't want to try, besides, in bed she is a wildcat.

Rachel is the only woman I ever knew that could put both heels behind her ears, easily.

She also told me she was with me now and as long as I wanted her, she would be. If someday I didn't, just say so is all I have to do.

Is that love? No, what it is, is a relationship and it works just fine.

So, I also have a daughter. I send the money each and every month to the State, they take out their cut and send on the rest.

Last I heard, Sherry and Dale now have three children counting Danielle, all girls. I have never met them, just like other than pictures of Danielle, I never went back.

That hurts too much is why. She has a father that she knows, and I know Sherry enough to be sure Danielle will always be taken care of, loved.

Would I do things differently now, having lived the outcome of what I did?

Yes, I would.

And Sonny? My bud growing up? I don't have a clue where he is and I don't give a fuck.

That is what I tell myself, anyway.