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To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 01

By: javmor79



INTRO 

I have to start by apologizing for the lengthy intro, but this story is so outside of what I would write that I feel the need to explain it. I have recently reached out to people who are into the cuckold genre. If anyone has paid attention to my comments, they will realize that a common theme of mine is to respect each other's desires and try to learn from people who are different from you. 

I love talking to people who are different from me. I love learning what makes them tick. There is nothing better than learning something new. At least in my mind. 

So I began asking questions. I wanted to understand what a guy gets from allowing his wife to have sex with other men. I received several emails in response to my inquiry. Two of them stood out. I began a dialogue with these two individuals and they shared quite a bit with me. Both of their life stories fascinated me. I still keep in touch with them. 

They inspired me to attempt to write a story with the cuckold theme. This was challenging for me because I had to be able to imagine a man going through it before I could put it on paper and make it believable. 

Using their inspiration as well as bits from of their emails, I was able to construct this story. I originally planned for it to be three parts; however, as I explored the characters, it morphed. When I sent it to my editor, it was 109 pages of a word document. I broke it up into 7 parts. 

I don't write stories with perfect people or evil ones. I try to keep characters as 3 dimensional as possible. To me a story is best when it makes both characters likable and unlikable. In my stories both of them will be flawed, yet enduring. 

Now comes the warning. This story is a cuckold themed tale. If this brings back any repressed memories of past relationships or angers you in any way, I suggest you save yourself the trouble and heartache. In my opinion, you should skip to the end, 1 bomb it now, and move on to the next. The choice is yours. But you have been warned. 

For those of you who want to give me the benefit of the doubt, I hope you enjoy. 

As always, feel free to leave a comment. To me, that is the best part of the story. Whether you liked the tale or not, let me know why. Constructive comments will be appreciated, asinine rants will be ignored. Thank you. 

THE PRESENT - September 2015 

BAM! 

"Ma! Carlos tripped me!" 

"Did not! Callie just fell because she's clumsy and stupid!" 

"Yes you did you freaking jerk! You put your foot in the way!" 

"Did not!" 

"Did so!" 

I sat in the basement and listened to the pandemonium upstairs. I almost smiled to myself at the nostalgia that it brought back. It sounded so similar to my sister Trina and me in our childhood. I would have smiled at the déjà vu, but my heart was still seared from the brand of painful thoughts brought on by betrayal. This brand restricted my face muscles, causing a semi-permanent scowl. Sigh. Life's a bitch. Then you die. 

You might think that those were my kids waging World War III. I actually wish that it were. Sadly, the kids screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs are my niece and nephew. I do have a son, but he is at home with his mother. 

I don't know exactly what act of preteen buffoonery launched the chaos, but I know that it was settled when Trina yelled at both of them to go to their rooms. I heard stomping and further name-calling, but things eventually settled down. 

I bet you are wondering what is happening. It sucks starting in the middle of a tale. It's like missing the beginning of a movie. You find yourself asking a lot of questions that others who saw everything already know. Well, you can rest assured that you aren't the only one in the dark. I too am trying to put the pieces together in my head. 

I am Josh. At a glimpse, I am a thirty five year old man with a loving wife, a wonderful son who thinks the world of me, and a great job that pays very well. Yet here I am lying down on a lumpy couch in the drafty basement of my sister's house instead of stretching out on my comfortable king sized bed at my own. 

My mind is a whirlwind of activity, desperately running through the video of my life and trying to figure out when everything went to shit. I sit here, running through questions, hoping that my mind can grasp something to hold on to. 

Where did things go wrong? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why me? 

Or perhaps I am just fooling myself. The sad and sobering thing is I know the moment when I stopped being the director of my own movie. 

It was the moment when I made a conscious choice to set my life down this path. The moment when I allowed lust and a need for excitement to make my choices for me. That is the moment I gave it all away. All of the soul searching I am doing right now is simply me trying to justify that decision and make me feel like less of a loser. 

A lot of people look at the bad things in their life and say that it all "spun out of control". These people are deluding themselves. Truth is, things rarely "spin out of control". People who believe that have a victim's mentality and don't want to - or can't bring themselves to - take responsibility for their own bad decisions. More often than not, a person would be better served looking for the moment when they gave up control. People who consistently can't pay their bills can find moments when they made a foolish spending decision and purchased things that they had no business buying. Merovingian from "The Matrix Reloaded" describes this truth of life as causality. Action, reaction. Cause and Effect. 

Simply put, Choices have consequences. When a person makes the wrong choice, they suffer. Period. If you stop playing the victim and are honest with yourself, you will find the source of your pain in the mirror. 

This moment of clarity, my epiphany if you will, didn't just happen suddenly. It has been about 10 years in the making. That is how long I've known Naomi, my wife. Married for eight years, she has been a constant source of lectures in my personal school of hard knocks. 

My tale goes back a little further though. You see, I have long been willing to view myself as a victim. I was raised in an environment that catered to me constantly. Growing up as a kid, I really didn't have to work hard at much. Let me explain.  

I was a miracle baby for parents who were told that they would never have kids of their own. Something about my mom's uterus not being able to carry a child full term. Devastated by this news, they went through hell. I've been told that they came really close to calling it quits. They eventually found a way to heal each other, and in doing so, found the love that they'd forgotten. Once past the pain, they decided to start a family through adoption. 

My parents soon found out that adoption was not easy. It was a grueling and rigorous process. They paid a lot of money and were put under a microscope for months. Everything was brought to the light. Finances, past relationships, parents, medical history. Everything. They held their resolve though, and their reward was a beautiful 2 year old girl. 

Life is a comedian at times. Three months after my parents adopted Trina, my mom found out she was pregnant with me. The doctors weren't very optimistic about her chances to actually give birth to me. At first my parents tried to keep their emotions in check, maintaining a certain amount of distance from the child in my mother's womb. They had found their way back from the edge of divorce and they weren't going to let this put them through that pain again. But feelings of anticipation became inevitable around month six. By month seven, my mom wasn't allowed to do anything but lay in the bed with her feet up. Despite their precautions, I was born a month early. 

While I was strong enough to survive with the help of diligent doctors, I still was pretty sick as a small child and required a lot of attention. I eventually grew stronger and healthier. The only thing that has lingered is the fact that I am diabetic. Not the fat people kind of diabetes, but the kind that you are born with. 

Anyways, you can imagine how much my parents doted on me. I never wanted for anything. All I had to do was ask. If that didn't work, whining was a decent second option. If that failed, all out tantrums worked. Even as a teenager I could almost always get my way. Sure, the tantrums changed from sprawling out on the floor kicking and screaming to me simply giving my parents the "silent treatment" until they gave in, but a duck is still a duck. 

My sister did not have it that easy. My parents made her earn everything that she got. They were hard on her. If she brought home a B, they asked her how much longer could she have studied to get an A. They stayed on her about her chores. On top of that, she was often held responsible for MY fuck-ups. "If she were a better sister, I wouldn't have done it." You get the picture. 

You may be getting a wrong perception of sister's place in our parents' hearts. Perhaps you are imagining a Cinderella type family. But it wasn't like that. My parents have always loved Trina from the first moment she came home. She was everything that a daughter should be. They were hard on her, but I think that may have something to do with the family that Trina came from. I never found out the full story of why my sister needed a new family, but over the years I've heard bits and pieces. I think her biological mom was a prostitute and her biological dad was a drug dealer, but I'm not completely sure. Nevertheless, my parents were determined that she would not pay for the sins of her parents. 

Despite their good intentions, life in our house always gave the perception that I was the favorite. I even believed it for a while. I know she did. The catch phrase of our childhood was, "I bet you wouldn't care if Josh did that!" 

You would think that this would breed some contention and strife between us, but it wasn't so. Oh sure, we got into it countless times. I was selfish, she was bossy; I was a spoiled brat, she was a stuck up bitch; you know, the usual stuff. But she was a great big sister; she always took care of me. We weren't best friends who hung out all of the time, but we were very close. Every time I have needed her, she has always been there. Nothing has ever kept her from helping me. 

Because I always had a great safety net growing up, I never really suffered negative consequences for bad choices. If I stole something from the store (only happened once, I swear), my sister was blamed for not watching me. If I got a bad grade, my parents blamed the teacher for not teaching it properly. If I got in a fight, my sister, the teacher, and the other kid's parents were blamed. You get the picture. 

I eventually grew up though. I went to college and learned how to repair electronics. I wasn't an engineer per se, more like an engineer technician. I don't build anything. Instead I fix the things that others build. It is the difference between an Automotive Engineer and a mechanic. After I graduated I got a job with a company that has contracts with the several factories. We maintain, repair, and upgrade their machinery. It was a very well paying job. 

Still, my victim's mentality emerges at times. I have had times where I still reacted like that premature baby who depended on others to give me what I needed instead of finding it within myself to get it. It's hard to overcome the characteristics that you develop as a child. My sister, my wife, and my parents, all - at some point or another - were a crutch for me. 

But life, oh boy, life can be a heartless teacher. Life works overtime to beat into our brains the things that we didn't learn as children. Hence, my marriage. 

As you hear my story the word cuckold may pop into your mind time and time again. While I never consciously thought of myself that way, I can see how the term could fit. There is a stereotype of the kind of guy I am in association with that title; short, nerdy, maybe a little bit fat. Oh, and of course, the proverbial little dick. You know, the kind of guy that doesn't have women knocking down their doors and ripping their clothes off. But that isn't me. While I'm not particularly tall, I'm definitely not short. I played basketball and football in high school, so you can pretty much guess what my physique is like. I had my first non-solo orgasm at a fairly young age due to a blowjob, and shortly after that I found the pleasures of vaginal sex with a different girl. I have had pretty decent sexual encounters since then. While I wasn't fucking all of the time like Hugh Heffner of old, I wasn't lacking in horizontal company. All in all, I was comfortable with the fairer sex. I was about as successful in my experience with them as most good looking guys are. 

However, Naomi is no ordinary woman. Let me tell you about her and how we started. 

TEN YEARS AGO - May 2005 

The first thing you should know about Naomi is that she is sexy and she knows it. A dangerous combination. 

This is the part where I might tell you that my wife is of supermodel proportions with a thousand watt smile that turns limp noodles into raging erections within a matter of seconds. Well, that is actually somewhat true. 

She does have a dazzling smile that lights up her face. Her laugh is infectious. Those two things mixed with her eyes makes men believe that they are the only one in the world when she is talking to them. It isn't the color of her eyes that does it. They are light brown; pretty, but not at all rare. It's the way that they twinkle when she is in full flirt mode. 

She doesn't have the body of a supermodel like you sometimes hear in these stories. No, she is a real girl. She does have a full C cup bra size and a soft, round ass; however, her waist isn't a size 2 and she does not have abs of steel like you see on pop singers like Jennifer Lopez. Her stomach is flat stomach and she has no hanging flab. 

She isn't fat, nor is she skinny. But her body has the curves in all the places that makes a woman desirable. Trust me, if she walked out of the room wearing yoga pants and sports bra, you would notice her. 

Simply put, Naomi exudes sensuality. Don't get me wrong. She isn't trashy. She doesn't dress in clothes that are too tight or show a lot of skin, but she knows how to wear clothes that accentuates her sexuality without advertising it. Beige or white sweaters that cup her full breasts and hug her stomach, jeans that embrace her ass and curve with its roundness, or open toed shoes that show-case her pedicured feet are her weapons of choice. She has that unique ability to accentuate her assets without begging for attention. 

On top of her sex appeal, she is smart. She has drive to be successful at whatever she does and is extremely competitive. As beautiful as she is, her confidence in herself actually trumps her looks. She is poised enough to always look her best, but classy enough to not try too hard to draw attention. These things about her are what makes her sex appeal so...appealing. 

She went through a period in which she wasn't this person, but she came out of it. When she did, she was a force to be reckoned with. But that part of the story comes later. 

So, when I was introduced to her through a friend, I was surprised at how friendly and receptive she was to me. I am comfortable around women, but we guys know when we come across one that is out of our league. Well, my first impression of her was that she was in another ball game all together. 

To my astonishment, she smiled genuinely at me as we interacted. She threw her had back laughed at my jokes, even when they were marginally funny. She touched my arm and leaned in close when she was speaking to me. Basically, she flirted with me. I decided that I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't ask for her number, so I did. She threw me for a loop when she turned me down, but took my number instead. 

It's funny how hindsight can give you clarity of the times life tried to foreshadow your future for you. This small act of control gave a glimpse into who Naomi really is. Always on top of her game. Always in the driver seat. 

She waited for a week to call me. By day three I'd accepted the fact that she wasn't going to call. I figured that she politely took my number so that she didn't have to blow me off to my face. When I heard her voice on the phone I almost choked. After an initial moment of surprise, we had a decent conversation for about 10 minutes until she got to the reason why she called. 

"You busy Saturday?" 

"No, why?" 

"Because I wanted to know if you wanna hang out with me." 

In my life it is very rare that an attractive woman asks a man out. Unattractive women may, but usually pretty women have become accustomed to being chased. They find that they don't have to ask a man out. They simply send the signals out that they are up to BEING ASKED. Asking first sends off a vibe of desperation. If the dufus that they are with misses subtle hints that she throws at him, then she just gives less subtle ones. Eventually she will give up and write him off as either gay, uninterested, stupid, or just not confident enough to seal the deal. Either way she chalks him up as a dud and moves on. One thing about hot women is that there will ALWAYS be another guy around the corner just waiting for his chance. 

But to have a girl who looked like Naomi actually call me out of the blue and ask me out was unexpected to say the least. She didn't have that "I need a man" vibe about her. I couldn't imagine her being starved for attention. Yet she asked me out with no hint of insecurity about breaking the unspoken rules of courting. I was taken aback for a moment. 

"Ummm, sure. That'd be cool. What did you want to do?" 

She seemed to think for a moment before she responded with, "I don't know Josh. Surprise me." 

Once again, she threw me. Here she was asking me out, yet I was the one left with the task of surprising her. It was like she was auditioning me to see if I had what it took to keep her interested. Kinda like she was saying, "Here's your shot. Don't blow it." 

When I hung up with her, I was very intrigued, and if I'm honest, a little intimidated. I wanted to impress Naomi and didn't think dinner and a movie was going to do the trick. I decided to ask the only person who has always given me sound advice. 

My sister Trina has always been that person. Plus, she was no stranger to male attention herself. Naturally, her appeal was lost on me since I have always seen her as the big sister whom I loved to annoy, but I've heard other guys refer to her as "hot". 

When I dialed her number I hoped that she would be able to give me some good pointers about what would be a good first date activity that would impress but not seem like I'm trying too hard. 

I was wrong. When I told her about my predicament, she didn't give me any kind of advice - she gave me an earful! You see, in my excitement about going out with Naomi, I'd forgotten that I promised my three year old niece and four year old nephew that I'd go with them to the local carnival that Saturday. Trina burst my bubble when she reminded me of that promise (BTW, I hate carnivals. I only promised to go for the kids). No amount of pleading or explaining myself got Trina to release me from my commitment. 

Since I had caller ID on my cell, I had Naomi's number. So I reluctantly called her to deliver the news that I had to reschedule. She sounded disappointed at first. I was hoping that I could talk her into giving me a second chance so I explained about my niece and nephew and told her how important it was for me to keep my promise to them. 


To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 01



Funny how women's minds work. The fact that I was willing to cancel with her to keep a date with my niece and nephew impressed her more than any extravagant date I could have thought of. That Saturday, she joined us 

Did I mention Naomi's absurd sexuality that she exudes without trying? A pair of white shorts and a tank top that said "Hot Mama" in bedazzled lettering had the same effect that a Victoria Secret's model in lingerie has. 

Trina took an immediate liking to her. The two of them formed a bond like they'd known each other since high school. Naomi talked more with my sister than she did with me! 

I tried to play it cool with Naomi. I didn't want to give her the impression that I was some love struck horny teenager (even if I was). So I didn't act overly touchy feely with her. I kept conversation casual and light. I won her a teddy bear from one of those rigged games while I fought back the urge to punch the guy in the throat who was openly flirting with her. We ate ridiculously overpriced pizza and cotton candy. All in all, it was a nice day of hanging out without having that "on a date" pressure. 

Did I mention that I HATE carnivals? It's actually the rides that I hate. Especially the rollercoasters. Up, down, jerking left, jerking right, upside down, dipping low and soaring high. Not too fond of them. 

Well, Noami wanted to ride them and dragged me to every single one. Trina, knowing damn well how much I hated those things, smirked and waved us off. 

"Have fun Josh!" She called out as she watched us make our way to the back of the line. The only thing I could do was glare at her. 

I gritted my teeth and fought the urge to scream in octaves that would have Mariah Carey taking notes as I went through my personal seventh circle of hell. For the 3 minutes at a time I sat strapped in those death traps. 

When the date was over and I dropped her off at home, she surprised me yet again. 

"Josh, I want to invite you up to my apartment for some coffee, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea." 

Of course I thought about having sex with her, but I hadn't actually had a plan on how to make it happen. I was content to go with the flow. I wanted it, but it wasn't a deal breaker for me. I was still on a high that we had hung out and had such a good time. I didn't want it to end on a bad note with her having the impression that I felt obligated to get laid. 

"It's okay Naomi. We don't have to have sex. I just like spending time with you." 

You would think that was the right thing to say. Somehow, I misunderstood her. She looked confused for a moment, and then a smirk came on her lips as she understood my gentlemanly gesture. But it was completely unnecessary. 

"Oh no Josh, I don't think you understand. You see "coffee" is a female's code word for nasty sweaty sex. That's the real reason why I'm inviting you up. I like you a lot and I was actually hoping to lure you upstairs so that I can do unspeakable things to your body." 

I know I looked like an idiot. This girl kept blowing my mind and I had no defense against her. 

"So what's the misunderstanding?" 

"I just don't want you to think that I'm going to be your girl or anything like that. I want to sleep with you, but I don't want a boyfriend." 

Being the true gentleman that I am, I had to turn her down. I explained to her that sex is something special that two people share when they really care... 

Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't seriously believe that bullshit, did you? I fucked the hell out of her. TWICE. 

Sex with Naomi did not disappoint. She didn't do anything different or better than other women before her. She was just so enthusiastic about it! Sex with her was like a sport. A sweaty, pulse racing, pleasurable sport. When she sucked my dick, she went after it like a hungry bird goes after a worm. When she was on top, her hips were moving and gyrating in so many directions that it felt like she was attacking my dick with her pussy. I'm not going to even talk about hitting it from the back! She was slamming into me with as much force as I was slamming into her. 

Even with the condom on I didn't last long the first time. I would say that I held out for a good ten minutes or so, but that's being way too generous. She was THAT GOOD. I don't even think she came the first time. 

Guys, if you fail to make them cum the first night that you have sex, you can forget about a repeat. And I definitely wanted a repeat. 

So there was no way I was going to leave it at that. Her disappointment was short lived. I dove between her legs and ate her to a leg shaking, head grabbing, eyes rolling, loud moaning orgasm. By then I was at back at full attention, so I hopped on her and gave her two more. 

When we were done, I was done. I don't think I could have gone again if she fed me Viagra pills and I washed them down with Red Bull. 

We both fell asleep. I woke up to total confusion when she was hurriedly rushing me out of the door. 

I tried calling and texting her, but after memorizing her voicemail message and getting no response, I gave up. I didn't hear from her for another 2 weeks. Then, one day she sent me a text asking me to a concert that she won tickets for on the radio. I happily accepted. 

Of course, things ended up in her bedroom later. And the living room. And the kitchen. You get the picture. 

Once again the morning after found me hurriedly getting dressed and shoved out into the street. 

+++ 

TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATER - September 2005 

"Josh. Don't be like that. Stop acting brand new. You know what this is." 

I lay in Naomi's bed pouting. Once again, she was kicking me out in the morning. Once again, after not calling me or answering my calls for the longest time, she just popped up out of the blue and wanted to get together. After a night of fucking my brains out and making me squirt more times than any man should, she was treating me like the annoying guest that wouldn't leave. It was like I was some glorified booty call. 

In her defense though, that is exactly what I was. The problem was that I was growing too attached to her. 

I know I'm about to lose some of you. Knowing what category that this story is in, I can picture you guys groaning and slapping your foreheads. 

Was I pussy whipped? Maybe. 

I know, I know. I'm supposed to be a real man and not let some bitch jerk me around. I know that. Hell, I would have agreed with you a few months before. But Naomi was so different. She was intoxicating. She's the kind of girl that the more you are around her, the more you want be around her. The fact that she rationed her time with me didn't deter my feelings for her. In fact, it intensified them. Absence making the heart grow fonder and whatnot. 

"Whatever Naomi. Look, you don't want to be around me, that's fine. If the only thing you want from me is for me to stick my dick in you, fine. I get it. But be real about it and stop jerking me around." 

She rolled her eyes and gave me a "here we go again" look. In a tone filled with exasperation, she said, "I'm not jerking you around Josh. I told you that I don't want a boyfriend. You knew what this was from the get go." 

"So what is this thing that we have going on? Am I just your booty call? Huh? I need you to spell it out for me kindergarten style." I wanted to put her on the spot. I wanted her to say EXACTLY what this was. In words, real words. Not assumptions and hints. 

She blew a breath out and wiped a strand of hair out of her face. "Fine. If that's how you want it. We have sex. Good sex. I like fucking you. Apparently you also like fucking me. I don't know what more you want from me." 

"You still haven't answered my question. What am I to you?" 

She was cornered and she knew that blunt honesty was the only way out. Her face took on a determined look and her eyes locked onto mine's 

"Okay Josh. We are friends with benefits. I like you a lot. More than the rest actually. You make me feel really good. But I'm not looking for a boyfriend." 

Now, I admit to being a little slow at times. But within milliseconds I caught on to the phrase that hit me like a Floyd Mayweather barrage. 

"What do you mean more than the rest?" 

The fact that she didn't looked ashamed or repentant at all let me know that this was not a Freudian slip. She meant what she said, and she wasn't apologizing for it. 

"I'm not the only one, am I?" 

Her face did take on a look of remorse at that. Not that she felt bad for what she was doing, but bad that I didn't realize it and was hurt by it. 

"No. I'm sorry. I thought you knew." 

I gave her an incredulous look. 

"Why would you think that I knew that?" 

Hurt was quickly giving way to anger. I sat immobilized for a few seconds before I jumped out of bed like it was on fire and started getting dressed. 

"Come on Josh! Do you seriously expect me to believe that I am the only one you are having sex with?" 

The look I gave her said it all. 

"Oh my God. Josh, I really didn't know." 

I turned from her and I searched for my discarded clothes, which were strewn all over the place. I felt Naomi grab my wrist and try to pull me to the bed to sit down. 

"Josh, please, calm down. Stop getting dressed. Sit down so we can talk." 

I jerked my wrist away from her as I located my shirt. Ignoring her pleas, I clumsily pulled it over my head and around my chest. Next I reached for my pants that lay crumpled at her bedroom door. 

"Come on Josh. Let's talk like grown ups." 

"Go fuck yourself Naomi!" 

She gave up and let me continue to dress. I didn't even look back as I practically ran out of her apartment. 

+++ 

When she called me two nights later, I was calmer. Even though I still didn't want to speak to her, a part of me did. The weaker part. So I picked up. 

"Hey Josh" 

"What's up Naomi?" I answered flatly. 

"Can we talk? Are you calmed down enough to have a conversation with me?" Her voice wasn't exactly brimming with remorse, but it was definitely devoid of bravado. She seemed sincerely contrite. 

I wanted to lash out at her some more, but I really needed this conversation to happen. I had a lot of questions that I didn't have answers to. So I swallowed the bile. 

"I'm good." 

I thought I heard a sigh of relief on the other end. "Okay." 

So we talked. She explained that she assumed that she wasn't my only sex partner and that I understood where I stood with her. She did tell me upfront that she didn't want a boyfriend. 

"So, I'm okay to fuck, but not okay to be exclusive with?" 

"Don't think of it like that Josh. You're making it out to be like something is wrong with you. But it's not like that. I don't want to exclusive with ANYONE. It's not just you." 

"Why Naomi? What's wrong with being an actual couple?" 

This ladies and gentlemen was where the rubber met the road. That moment in time when life tells you what you need to know to make the right decision. That one piece of information that decides what kind of future you will have. 

"I enjoy sex too much. I love having it. I love the freedom of being able to have it with whom I want when I want. And while you are VERY good at it, I don't wanna be tied down with just one person. I'm sorry to put it to you this way. Every guy that I enjoy sex with brings something different to the table. Most guys think it's about the dick size, but that's not always true. I mean, look at you." (Huh) "You don't have the biggest dick, but you give me more orgasms than guys with nine inches" 

"I don't have the biggest di..." 

"Trust me. I'm not saying that you're small. Believe me, you are FAR from being small. But I can't lie and say that you are the biggest. Not like Jason..." 

"If you finish that sentence Naomi I swear to fucking god I will hang up on you!" 

"Sorry Josh. I wasn't trying to rub your face in it. I was giving you a compliment. You ring my bell more than most. If its any consolation, you have stayed the night with me every time we had sex. None of the others did that." 

If I'm honest, that was some consolation. But it was like telling someone that they are the best looking ugly person, or telling a woman that she looks good "for her age". I didn't want to be the tallest midget. 

"Gee Naomi. Golly! Well, I feel so much better now! So, because you like me more than the other guys that you fuck besides me, you give me the courtesy of kicking me out early the next morning instead of the night before. Well, when you put it like that..." 

I could tell she was getting irritated with this conversation. But there is no way she could have been as done with this shit as I was. 

"Listen Josh. I like you. A lot. More than the rest of them. But I can't be your girl. Now, I LOVE having sex with you. I get that you want more. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have. So I will respect you enough to not call you anymore and ask you to hang out." 

I don't know what I felt when I heard that. I loved spending time with her, but the pain of being with her and not having her wasn't something that I could deal with. 

"I know that you're mad right now and I hope that you get over it. I would really love to continue chilling with you and hanging out; but only when you are ready to accept this for what it is. So I think that we should back off for a while." 

Though I seriously didn't want to end it like that, I knew that it was the best way. 

"Okay Naomi. Maybe you're right. Maybe we should cool it." I was finally able to choke that out after a few seconds. I actually began to miss her immediately. 

Before she hung up with me she shot another cannon across my bow. "Just so you know, I'm giving you an open invitation to pick up where we left off. I wasn't kidding when I said that I liked you a lot. So even if I'm not calling you, I'll be hoping that you will call me. Take care Josh." 

Then the line went dead. 

+++ 

SIX MONTHS LATER - Early 2006 

I hadn't talked to Naomi since that conversation. She kept her promise and didn't bother me. I did get an occasional stab in the heart when she posted something new on MySpace or when she responded to something that I posted. Don't ask me why I still kept up with her. Maybe I was a glutton for pain. But for the most part we stayed clear of each other. 

I found myself both relieved that she was giving me space and hurt that she could drop me so easily. I guess it is easy when you have a harem full of virile men waiting to give you endless pleasure. 

To say that I missed her immensely would be doing the English language a grave injustice. In the first weeks following the start of our hiatus, I didn't even want to go anywhere. I went to work and I came home. Anybody who has broken up with a woman that was everything that they could want knows how this feels. However, we weren't married and I hadn't fallen completely in love with her, so I was able to move on. Granted, she was a girl that I could easily fall in love with; she had that hard to describe and ignore way about her that was mesmerizing. It wasn't something that I could shake off easily. But I had some comfort in knowing that it wasn't me that she was rejecting. She wasn't open to a relationship with anybody. I did wish that she felt the same about me that I did her, but I accepted the fact that we just weren't meant to be. 

So for six months I was able to put Naomi in the rearview and I lived life like only Josh does. I went out with friends. I hung out with my sister occasionally. I even got laid a few times. That didn't last long though because she was the younger sister of one of my buddies. After the inevitable altercation, I knew it was a safe bet I wouldn't be drinking any cold ones with him anytime soon. C'est la vie. In my defense, she was HOT!! 

So when D day finally came upon me, it shook me to my core. That day that I walked into Starbucks and heard her familiar laugh from across the room resumed the process of my eventual undoing. Even with the low level buzzing of activity, I recognized the owner of that throaty laugh. My eyes scanned the room until I saw her. On the other side I found her sitting on a guy's lap happily chatting with a group of people. The bigger surprise was how I felt when I saw her. Even after all of this time, I found myself right back in that bedroom with her when she ripped my guts out telling me that I wasn't the only one who was keeping her company. 

If I'd reacted quicker I could have made it out of there undetected, but seeing her on his lap froze me in place for a split second too long. Her eyes met mine and I saw a familiar smile emerge on her face when she recognized me. My heart started beating faster when she got up off his lap and meandered her way through the coffee crowd to meet me. 

"Hey sexy. Long time no see." She practically sang when she stood in front of me flashing me that smile that could melt steel. 

"Hey Naomi" I returned. I could smell her intoxicating perfume. That mixed with those eyes were like kryptonite. A slight glance in the direction she came from was enough to snap me out of the trance. 

"New boy toy?" I inquired as I nodded my head over to the guy who was glaring holes through us. I guess I wasn't the only brokenhearted member of the "Naomi Club". She threw him an offhand glance, completely ignoring his venomous expression. 

"Something like that." 

I couldn't help but to laugh at how nonchalant she was being about him when just moments before she was on his lap like they'd been together for years. 

"He may have different thoughts on that." 

She snickered "You all do." 

The entire time we were talking, she didn't break eye contact once. It's that thing that she does where she makes you believe that you are the only one in the room. It's hypnotic. I felt myself falling under her spell despite myself. I was almost ready to grab her hand and lead her out of there, but I caught the trap in enough time to pull free from the web. 

"Well, whenever you break the news to him try to be more gentle than you were with me." 

Ouch. The look on her face let me know that I hit a bullseye with that one. Her face went from seductive to hurt in a matter of milliseconds. Although I felt justified, I also regretted saying it. But I'd effectively broken the spell. 

"I-I should get back. Take care Josh. It was nice seeing you again." She embraced me in a warm hug and made her way back to her boy toy. They had a brief exchange that couldn't have been pleasant, but she planted herself right back on his lap. Someone else in the group said something to her and she threw her head back in laughter. Just like that, it was like the last ten minutes hadn't happened. 

Later on that night though, I got a text. 

U up? 

I looked at the screen for a few seconds and replied. 

Yea. Wassup? 

Wanna no if u can cum over 

Y? I thought you'd be busy with that guy. 

No. Not busy. 

I didn't respond to that. I was about to put the phone down and go back to watching The Sopranos when I heard the chime again. I opened the message to the jaw dropping pic of her standing in the bathroom mirror holding her phone. She was completely topless. The message attached told simply said: 

I really missed u. 

My mouth dropped open when I took in those perky breasts. I'd almost forgotten how they looked. But now, all of my feelings came flooding back to me. I sat there at a loss of what to say. 

The phone suddenly rang in my hand, jarring me out of my trance. No question about who the caller was. I looked anyway, hoping against hope that maybe it was my mother inviting me to church. Or maybe it was some telemarketer looking for donations for the Cleft Lip Children Association. But alas, if that were so, this story would probably be over now. 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 01



I knew that I shouldn't answer it. I knew that. But like a moth to the flame... 

"Hey Naomi." 

"Hey yourself. Can you come over?" 

"I don't think that it's a good idea." 

Silence. 

"So are you coming?" 

"Why Naomi? Why?" 

"Because I miss you. More than I thought I would. When I saw you today I started thinking, you know, about us. I still have feelings for you Josh. We were good together." 

More silence. I couldn't make myself shut her down. I had that same rush of feelings that she did, but I wasn't going to tell her that. 

"Josh?" 

"Yeah, I'm still here." 

"Just come over...please?" 

What can I say? You can pretty much guess what happened from there. There was a difference this time though. The next morning, she didn't kick me out. I woke up to her snuggling against me. Just like that, I was trapped in the web again. 

************************ 

BACK TO THE PRESENT - September 2015 

My sister shook me awake. I hadn't even realized that I had dozed off. 

"What Trina?" 

"SHE'S on the phone." 

My sister said the word "she's" like it tasted bad coming out of her mouth. Trina held the cordless in front of my face gesturing me to take it. 

"So. Tell her I'm busy." 

I tried to roll over but she poked me on the shoulder with the phone. 

"I'm not a secretary Josh. Tell her yourself." 

I took it from her, pressed the "End" button to terminate the call, then handed it back to her. Smiling at me and shaking her head, Trina took the phone from me. 

"You have to talk to her sometime Josh. You can't hide here forever." 

I ignored her and rolled over. I heard a few moments of silence, then the sound of her footsteps retreating up the stairs. Alone in my solitude once again, I went back to my pity party that was in full swing. 

I'd walked out of our (me and Naomi's) house after she confessed that she'd been having an affair for the past few weeks. Our confrontation was almost a week ago. Since then, she has been hounding me non-stop. I eventually had to turn my cell off, which is why she was calling my sister's house phone. 

Luckily, I didn't have to worry about her simply ambushing me by coming over. She'd already tried that. The first night I left, Naomi assumed that I needed time to cool off before I returned home. So she left me alone. I ended up at my sister's house needing a shoulder to cry on. After a while, it was decided that I would stay with her for the night. 

The next morning, when she realized that I hadn't returned home, my phone nearly exploded with calls from a frantic wife. Messages telling me to call her, asking where I was, begging me to talk to her, you name it. I ignored all of them. 

Naomi, always being one step ahead of me, found my phone's location with the GPS tracker. Twenty minutes later my wife was repeatedly ringing my sister's doorbell and yelling at me to come out and talk to her. Trina flung open the door and told her that if she came over here again bringing that "Jerry Springer shit" then she was going kick her ass. Then she would call the cops on herself. After she was released on bail she was going to hunt Naomi down and kick her ass again for making her go to jail. 

Naomi is a lot of things, but being a fighter was not a talent of hers. So she wisely took my sister at her word and left. That hasn't stopped her from trying to get in touch with me though. Since then she'd made a habit of constantly calling the house phone since I still refused to answer my cell. 

So here I am, hiding behind my sister's skirt, and feeling like an utter loser. I know by now there are all kinds of "kick the bitch to the curb" thoughts running through your head. Easy for you to say. You came into the movie later and don't know all that you missed yet. This story gets more complicated 

**************** 

THE PAST - Early 2006 

The next morning after Naomi and I became "reacquainted", she surprised me by not only refraining from giving me the "heave ho", but she actually cooked breakfast for me. As we sat there eating our food, we would glance up at each other to see if the other person were looking. This little game continued until there was nothing left on our plates. 

The giant elephant just sat quietly in the corner, awaiting for us to acknowledge him. Neither of us wanted to ruin the mood, so we tried to overlook him. But he was not to be ignored. Finally, unable to take it anymore, I decided to take the lead on this one. 

"Where does last night put us?" 

I could see the disappointment in her eyes. She obviously didn't want to be having this discussion now, but I was forcing the issue. She steeled herself and sighed. 

"That depends on you." 

I nodded my head as the meaning of what she WASN'T saying sank in. 

"Soooo...we're good as long as you get to fuck whoever you want." I saw her flinch for a moment, but she didn't deny what I was saying. 

"When you put it like that you make me sound like I'm some kind of whore." This time I was the one not denying. She immediately got defensive and angry. 

"Fuck you Josh. What, so I'm a whore because I don't want you to be my one and only? For your information, I don't go around just fucking every cute guy that flirts with me. I may have more than one sexual partner, but I don't' just fuck everybody." 

"We had sex on the first date Naomi." 

After the words were out of my mouth I instantly wished I could reel them back in. I look of hurt and horror flashed across her face as she jumped out of her seat and exploded. 

"The reason why I slept with you on the first date was because I FELT SOMETHING FOR YOU asshole. I thought you were different than the others. If you must know, that is the only time I have done that. EVER! But you can rest assured that I am correcting that mistake right now. GET THE FUCK OUT!!" 

She stood in front of me breathing hard. Her pretty face was creased with anger and venom. But she never looked more beautiful. 

"I'm sorry Naomi. I just..." I went over to her and tried to hug her, but she pushed me off. 

"I said get the fuck out." Her voice was stern, but it didn't pack the punch that it did when she first said it. I took a chance and still wrapped my arms around her. She struggled for a minute punching my chest, but they barely had any power in them. It was a token resistance to let me know that I hurt her. Finally she simply laid her head on my shoulder and let me hug her. She didn't hug me back, but her body was molded to mine's as she accepted me. 

"You're a real asshole, you know that?" 

Once tempers were cooled, we were able to have a rational discussion. We'd moved from the kitchen and into the living room. 

"So, if I am to be with you, I have to accept the fact that you have sex with other guys." 

"Basically." 

"And I have to accept the fact that we are not a couple." This time she just nodded. 

"So, what does that make us? Am I just one of the stable boys?" 

She broke a smile on her face for the first time all morning. "No, you aren't one of my stable boys. I actually care for you. When we stopped hanging out, I missed you a lot. I had to stop myself from breaking my promise and calling you at least a half a dozen times. But I promised you space, and I didn't want to hurt you." 

"But you don't like me enough to be my girl?" 

A sad look crossed her face. 

"You can't think of it like that. I do want you in my life. I really do. But I LOVE sex. I enjoy trying out the variety. Big dicks, little dicks, black dicks, white dicks, I love them all. I don't go around just fucking every guy I meet, but if I meet one that I would like to try out, I want the freedom do that." 

"What about me?" 

"God. I LOVE having sex with you. You are so...energetic. So eager. You make me feel so good when you are on top of me. More than that, I like spending time with you. I have never met someone that I can just be who I am around. For some reason, I feel more comfortable with you than I do with any other guy. That's why you've always stayed the night with me. I had to make myself kick you out in the mornings because I could honestly fall for you." 

"So you keep yourself at a distance from me because you want to keep fucking around?" Once again I saw her flinch when I said that. 

"Please don't say it like that. It sounds so crass. But yes, I don't want to give up my freedom. I know that a guy like you isn't going to be in a relationship with me under these conditions, so I have to distance myself and be ready to walk away from you. But for some reason you snuck under my defenses." 

I looked at her angelic face, her brown eyes staring imploringly at me. God, she is so addictive! Like heroin. I know that she's bad for me. But I can't quit her. 

"What happens if I can't deal with this?" 

She looked disappointed when I said that. Her face was filled with hope a moment ago, only to have it dashed. 

"Then you walk away. I'll understand. I'll hate it, but I get it. I seriously hope you don't though. I would really miss you." 

What can I say? I was hopelessly enamored by this woman. I knew that I would be with her, even in a limited capacity. Why can't I shake her? 

"What about me? Would you expect me to just be with you?" 

As the thought crossed her face, a dark cloud appeared over it. Was that a flash of jealousy? I saw it, but there is no way that could be true. Given how she just got done with that bullshit speech about her "freedom" there is no way that she expected me to just be a one woman man. 

"Of course I can't expect you to not have sex with anyone else." She said that statement reluctantly, as if she really wasn't buying it. She continued though. "All I ask is that as long as you are having sex with me, that you wear condoms with all of them. I always do." 

She was right about that. Her nightstand drawer is like a condom infomercial. I honestly think that she could single handedly make Trojan's stock plummet if she stopped buying them. 

"Okay Naomi. We'll try this out." 

She squealed and jumped in my lap. Moments later she was impaled on me and riding me like a jockey. As we both came I had the fleeting thought that I would pay for this decision. 

*** 

I wanted to give credit to Nonethewiser for his editing and suggestions that have greatly improved my story. There may still be some errors in the story as I tried to implement his changes, so they should not reflect at all on the wonderful job he did. 

This was my first time using an editor. I highly recommend it to any other authors who don't already utilize one.



To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 02



Brief Synopsis of Part 1: 

Josh's mind travels back to the past to when he met the alluring Naomi. He recounted the beginning of their unique relationship. She told him that she did not want a conventional boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, yet she wanted to spend time with him. She admitted that she enjoyed the freedom to have multiple sexual partners. While she acknowledged that she had some feelings for him, she was not willing to relinquish that freedom to be with him. 

He agreed to be with her on her terms, though he sensed that this choice would cost him.

In the present, he is still reeling from Naomi's betrayal of their marriage as he tries to collect himself. He is disgusted with himself for "hiding" in his sister's basement as he tries to come to grips with what his marriage is. He does not know how it all went to shit, but he realizes that he is not the innocent victim.

Yet there are many unanswered questions...





To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 02



I had to adjust to the new feeling of sliding in and out of her hole. It was like velvet was rubbing my shaft. I wanted to make this last for her, but my control was slowly slipping away. 

Her breathing quickened and her moans increased. Her nails dug into my shoulders as she looked into my eyes. Then she started bucking her hips again and I just lost it. 

"Cum inside of me Joshy! Give it to me."

Hearing her say my name like only she can, mixed with the new feeling of nirvana, was too much for me. I came so fucking hard that my dick was tender. I had never felt that before.

We lay intertwined in each other as she peppered me with light kisses. She finally settled down on my chest as the silence encased us. I was about to doze off when I heard her whisper, "I meant what I said you know. I love you."

I pretended to be asleep, but my mind was more alert than ever. I remembered my agreement with Naomi that as long as I was having sex with her, that I would wear always wear a condom. I'd just broken that agreement. 

I wasn't worried about STD's at point. Mel didn't seem like the type of girl to give it away to every guy that came her way. The chance of pregnancy didn't really seem real to me either (although it definitely should have). My worries were focused elsewhere. 

I knew that I cared about Mel. A lot. That's why it hurt me so much when I had the accompanying realization that there was a good chance that Mel and I were going to end soon. I couldn't do this to her. As much as I cared for Mel, I didn't love her. I still was in love with Naomi.

God damned heart! It wants what it wants.

For the next few weeks, I stayed away from both women. Yes, I ran and hid. That seems to be what I do when I'm faced with a situation that I don't want to deal with. Phone calls went ignored, texts went unanswered. I didn't even read them. I knew what they would say and I didn't want to deal with either woman asking me what's wrong me.

You bitches are what's wrong!

Okay, that's not fair. Mel wasn't the problem. Even Naomi wasn't the problem. The real problem was the jerk in the mirror who couldn't figure out how to get his shit on straight.

You see, my problem was this: I was in love with Naomi, but I WANTED to be in love with Mel. 

I spent my time trying to come up with ways to channel my love for Naomi onto Mel. I'd come to the realization that in many ways, I was worse than Naomi. At least she had the decency to be honest with me about what she did. She never lied to me, never manipulated me. Sure, she kept the details of her trysts to herself, but I never had to wonder if she was holding out on me. 

I'd been deceitful to Mel since the moment I met her. She assumed that she was the only one getting my attention. I spent an awful lot of time with her so she didn't suspect anything else. But I did get with Naomi enough to keep what we had breathing. There was hurt, pain, and jealousy there, but it was very much alive and part of my life. I guess that's how I knew it was really love. Why the hell would I – could I – put up with the pain and jealousy?

While what I was doing was karmic justice as far as Naomi was concerned, it was just cruel to Mel. She didn't deserve what I was doing to her, especially now that I know how she felt about me. 

My biggest problem was just selfishness. Plain and simple. Remember, I was indulged as a child and kind of expected to be indulged. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I didn't want to let Mel go, even though it was the right thing to do. I wanted to keep her. I did care about her, but part of the reason why I cared about her was because she made me feel special. She gave me her complete attention. She gave me what I wanted Naomi to give me. 

At the same time, letting go of Naomi wasn't an option for me. With her, I felt complete. Don't ask me why. I couldn't explain it you if you did. But I was in love with her. Had been for the longest time. However, I knew that she didn't love me the same way. Sure, she cared about me. Maybe even loved me a little (though she NEVER said it). But I knew that I loved her a hell of a lot more than she did me.

So, was it fair to Mel to be with her, accepting her love and attention, when I was in love with someone else?

Of course I already knew the answer to that question. But doing the right thing is a lot harder than knowing what the right thing is.

Sucks, doesn't it?

*************************

BACK TO THE PRESENT – September 2015

Things had quieted down upstairs. I assume my sister loves her kids a little too much to have killed them and buried them in the back yard, so my guess is that they had gone to bed a little early.

The door to the basement opens and footsteps begin descending the stairs. Trying to feign being asleep, I hold my breath hoping that the intruder into my misery will take the hint and go away. No such luck.

"I know you aren't sleep Josh. You do realize that you snore, right?"

"Whattaya want Trina?"

There is a second's pause before she pokes me in the shoulder. Hard.

"Oww! What the fuck Trina?"

"I want you to eat this God damn sandwich so that I can tell your wife that you ate. Maybe then she can stop calling."

"Who gives a fuck what she wants? Lord knows she couldn't care less about what I want."

"Grow up Josh. Eat the fucking sandwich. You can boycott her cheating ways without martyring yourself. Find another way to throw your tantrum after you make that sandwich disappear."

I theatrically grab the sandwich and take an exaggerated bite. 

"Mmmm. Delicioso." I say sarcastically. She did not look amused. "I love it when the bread is hard on the crust but soggy in the middle." 

She slaps me on my head. "If you'd eaten it when I brought it down AN HOUR AGO it might taste better. But you have to act so Josh-like instead of being a man and dealing with it."

"Go fuck yourself Trina!"

"Get some balls you fucking spoiled brat."

I settle down as I hear her footsteps walking away and back upstairs. She stops before she exits the basement and is quiet for a few seconds.

"Look Josh. I know I'm being hard on you. But I'm worried about you. I just want you to be okay."

I don't respond right away, but her words do register with me. Right before she exits the basement I yell out, "Love you sis!"

I can practically hear her smile. "Love you too spoiled brat."

"Stuck up bitch!"

"Drama Queen!"

"Nerd!"

"Bed wetter!"

I jerk up to look at her when she said that. 

"That only happened once. And I was eight." My face wears a mock hurt look, but I can't help but to smile. I watch her come back down the stairs and stand in front of me.

"How many times would you have to suck a dick to consider yourself gay?"

My face must have screwed up as the image of a guy's dick in my mouth flash I my mind. Trina's gaze held a look of amusement.

"I would never do that. Not even once." I reply before I realize the trap I fell in. 

She snickers playfully as she nods. "Exactly bed wetter. Because once would be enough."

With that she bends low and kisses me on my forehead. When I am alone once again I have no choice but to laugh. Leave it to my big sis to find a way to bring me out of my funk. 

***********************

THE PAST – June 2006

I ran, ducked, and dodged as long as I could to prolong the inevitable. That came to a screeching halt that Wednesday I came home from work and saw Mel sitting in front of my apartment. Our eyes locked and the look on her face did not say, "Welcome home sailor".

"What the fuck Joshy?"

I don't know if it was her accent or my imagination, but she sounded angry enough to have us end up on an episode of "Snapped". I'm not saying that I was afraid of a woman (that would be unmanly), but I did do a slight scan of her hands to ensure that they weren't clutching any sharp objects. I'm just saying.

I slipped past her and unlocked my front door. We did need to talk, but out here in this hallway was not the place. I had neighbors who were unemployed and very bored with life, so it would not have been beneath them to eavesdrop on a lover's quarrel.

As soon as the door was closed behind us, Mel launched into me.

"Are you completely mad, or a fucking wanker? You ignore me for weeks without a word from you. What the fuck?"

Even as she was yelling at me so hard that spit was flying out of her mouth, I couldn't help but to take a moment to admire how god damn sexy she was. I don't think any man could look at her for long without wanting to run his tongue across her tats. 

"I'm sorry Mel. I just had a lot on my mind and I had to get to myself to sort it out. That's all."

She stood in my living room with her hands on her hips, glaring laser beams into my face. Then her countenance softened and took on a look of sadness.

"It's not coincidence that you needed time to think right after I told you I loved you, is it?"

I wanted to tell her that that had nothing to do with it, but I couldn't lie to her anymore. So I silently shook my head and looked at the floor. In my peripheral I saw her nodding.

"Well, at least I know how you feel. You coulda just told me to fuck off instead of running away."

"That's the point Mel. I don't want you to fuck off. Right now you are the best thing in my life."

"But not good enough to love me, right?"

"You can't think of it like that. It isn't about you not being good enough. It's about me not being in a place to give you the love that you deserve."

The irony that I was reciting the same bullshit placating lines that Naomi had given me over our time together was not lost on me. In fact, it made me sick to think about. It just reminded me that she and I weren't so different after all. 

Mel gave me a sardonic laugh as she looked at me in disbelief. "You can't be serious. Wow. You really are a wanker."

"Mel..."

"Fuck off Josh! And make sure that you lose my number while you're at it!"

She pushed angrily past me and stomped to my door. I wanted to say something to stop her, to get her to turn around and jump in my arms. I wanted to go back to how we were before I became such a fucking idiot. Before she said I love you. God, I just wanted to take her to my room and ravage her into incoherence. But I didn't. In my own, kind of pathetic way, I did the right thing. I let her go.

She swung my door open and was about to exit my life forever, but something stopped her. She stood there in my doorway, hand on my doorknob, and started crying.

"That was my first time ever telling a man that I love him." I barely heard her in between her sobs.

I stared at her, open mouthed, feeling like the lowest form of whale shit that ever existed. Its funny, Naomi breaks my heart into a million pieces, and I pay it forward. Maybe I deserved all of the pain that was heaped onto me. I always thought of myself as the victim, but in a twist of fate I was now the perpetrator. 

Mel was a trooper though. I watched her compose herself, wipe her eyes, and close the door behind her without looking back. 

END OF PART TWO

***

The term "Exploding Noema" came from a movie that I once saw called "How to Rob a Bank". When I heard it, I liked it and put it in the back of my mind to use it in a story one day. I wanted to make Josh reference the movie, but my editor pointed out that the movie came out after the argument between him and Naomi took place. I kept the term in because I liked it so much, but I omitted the movie reference. I still wanted to give credit to the movie though, so here it is.

And of course I wanted to give credit to my editor Nonethewiser for his corrections and suggestions. He really did a great job in helping me bring out my story's potential. Any errors I have overlooked in transferring his editing to my work should not be a reflection on him.

Thank you for reading.



To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 03



BRIEF SYNOPSIS OF THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER: 

THE PAST: Josh met a sexy woman named Mel in a nightclub. She turned out to be everything that Naomi was not. He quickly started developing feelings for her and they became close. In an unexpected twist, Naomi realized that she stood a good chance of losing Josh to this other woman. That potential loss made her see just how much she cared for him. She made him an offer that she thought he couldn't refuse. However, things were different than they had been. To her surprise and dismay, he not so gently refused her proposal. 

Josh's elation was short lived. He found out that Mel's feelings for him were deeper than he anticipated. His conscience wore on him because he knew that he was now the perpetrator instead of the victim. He was now in Naomi's shoes. Deep down he knew that he did not - could not - love Mel, no matter how much he wanted to. His heart was already taken. 

Eventually, he did the only thing he could do. He let Mel go. 

THE PRESENT: With the help of his big sis, Josh begins to ascend out of the quagmire that he allowed himself to sink into... 

TO HAVE AND TO CUCKOLD PT. 3 

STILL IN THE PAST - May 2006 

I may not have been in love with Mel, but it sure felt like a big part of me was missing without her around. When she walked out of my life (okay, when I pushed her out) it was like she took all of the fun with her. I retreated into my shell and stayed there for days. 

I didn't even go to see Naomi to let her know that Mel and I were finished. Part of it was childish. I didn't want to give her the reprieve from her jealousy. But there was also a part of me that was wondering if I made the wrong decision. Of course there are many out there who would say, "Duh! Of course you made the wrong choice". In the end though, it wasn't really my choice to make. 

You see, for me it wasn't a choice of Mel or Naomi. My heart made that choice long before I met Mel. The decision boiled down to me. What kind of person did I want to be? Was I the kind of person who would string a girl along that had feelings for me just because it made me feel good, knowing that I was in love with someone else? Would keeping her around hoping for the slim possibility that I could develop feelings for her be better or worse than setting her free to find someone who would love her and only her? 

I did have mixed feelings of relief and jealousy knowing that Mel was the type of girl who would only stay single as long as wanted to be. Any man lucky enough to catch her would have to be a complete idiot to let her go. 

Me included. 

Still, the questions lingered. Some of them I knew the answers to, others were elusive. 

Could I have fallen for Mel if I hadn't met Naomi first? Absolutely. 

Why did Naomi have such a hold on my heart? No fucking clue. 

I didn't know then. I honestly still don't know now. I don't think I ever will. That's what's so frustrating about love. It isn't logical, but it makes perfect sense. It often hurts but it feels great. Craziest damned emotion. 

"It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity." That Merovingian knows his shit. 

After a few days of living like a hermit, I decided to go see Naomi. I definitely had to talk to her. Was I ready to talk about being exclusive? Not sure. But we needed to sit down and talk about something. 

I didn't bother calling or texting her because I didn't know what to say. I just figured that when we were in the same room we'd figure it out. 

I should have called. 

When I got to her apartment, I knew something was wrong. I felt it. My ears didn't actually pick up the familiar sounds of her moaning until a few seconds later. Even through the door, I could sense what was going on in that apartment. Naomi is not a quiet lay. 

I almost retreated and slinked away. Almost. But my rage started building up. I'm sure part of it was residual depression of Mel leaving, but I could not contain it. I balled up my fists and hammered on her door like I was the police. 

I heard the activity on the other side of the door cease. There was a moment of silence before I heard Naomi yell out, "Who is it?" 

I didn't even answer. I banged on the door again. The light in the peephole disappeared, which let me know that Naomi was looking out of it. 

"Josh?" 

The door opened and Naomi stood there in a bathrobe, which she held closed. 

"What's wrong baby?" 

I pushed past her into her apartment and laid eyes on a naked man sitting on her couch with a condom covered erection that stuck straight up in the air. The condom was glistening with what could have only been her juices. His forehead beaded with perspiration. When he saw me charge in he immediately tried to preserve his modesty by covering himself with one of her pillows. 

Now my rage had reached epic proportions. I was pissed when I heard her having sex. Seeing the undeniable evidence of a naked guy that was still ready for action was a different thing. 

I swallowed the urge the beat him senseless. I turned to her, and in a voice that I'm sure was menacing, told her, "We need to talk," 

Her eyes flashed defiance. Knowing Naomi, I shouldn't have expected her to shrink down in intimidation. 

"Josh, I'm busy. You should've called." 

My anger needed a place to vent. It was like steam filling an enclosed pot with the lid tightly in place. The lid was getting ready to be blown off. 

I turned to him and said, "Dude, you don't wanna be here. Leave." 

Had the guy not been in the awkward position that he found himself in, he might have posed a threat. But he was at three distinct disadvantages. The first was the amount of homicidal rage that I was feeling. The second was having him sitting down while I was standing, and the last being a touch of latent homophobia that is present in most straight men. No man wants to have to tussle with another with his balls hanging out. 

Naomi stepped between us and held her hand out. 

"Josh, you need to leave. We'll talk later." 

This did nothing to calm my rage. Until this point, considering the level of anger I was feeling, I was being pretty calm. That was over 

"WE'LL FUCKING TALK NOW!" 

My voice echoed down the hallway of her apartment building. I'd completely forgotten that the door was still open. Neighbors started to open their doors and subtly inquire about what was going on in 312G. 

"Steve sweetie. You better get dressed." 

His face flashed with genuine concern. "I'm not leaving you here with this guy." 

Naomi tenderly stroked the side of his face. "Don't worry. Josh isn't going to hurt me. I'll be fine." 

He didn't look convinced. His eyes still scanned me warily as he weighed his options. I grilled him, daring him to make a move. 

"Josh! You wanna talk. Fine. Go out in the hallway and wait for us to get dressed. Your only other option is for me to call the cops and have you removed!" 

I knew she was serious, so I reluctantly went out in the hallway as she slammed the door behind me. Ten minutes later a sullen looking Steve strode past me using big angry steps and disappeared out of the building. 

I walked into the apartment to find her sitting with her arms and legs crossed. Her eyes told me exactly what was on her mind. 

"So you want to talk? Start talking!" 

By now my anger had dissipated - a little. But I still had this need to attack Naomi. I took the seat across from her and leaned my elbows on my knees. I wiped my face with my hands. 

"So you're still sowing your royal oats, huh?" 

She sat there and smirked at me. 

"Really? You disappear from my life for weeks at a time with that fucking bimbo. Then for the past, I don't know, two to three days you won't return any of my calls or texts. Now you want to show up out of the blue, kick my door in, and get angry that I'm not celibate?! Get over yourself Josh!" 

She did have a point there. I could admit that to myself. But I was not going let her know that! 

"Oh please! We both know that YOU of all people aren't going to be celibate!" 

"FUCK YOU JOSH! In case you forgot, I wanted to be exclusive with you. But you had some need to rub that skank in my face, talking about psychoanalysis and exploding...whatever! YOU CHOSE HER! So why don't you run back to Miss Tea and Crumpets and leave me the hell alone!" 

The mention of the day I threw Mel in her face squelched my gusto. It reminded me that I used her to exact karmic justice on Naomi. I didn't really intend it for that purpose, but that's what happened. Images of Mel crying on my doorstep let me know that I was not an innocent party in this heartbreak drama. 

"Mel and I broke up." 

I looked up at her expectantly. I don't know what I expected. Remorse. Sympathy. Maybe a little empathetic sadness. But she just looked at me, waiting for me to continue. 

"You aren't going to say anything?" 

"What do you want me to say Josh? I'm sorry? Because I'm not. That fucking British bitch wasn't right for you anyway." I then heard her mumble, "Probably wasn't even her real accent." The fact that she was jealous enough to get catty did give me pleasure. 

"She's South African." I said, thinking for some reason that the correction was meaningful. Naomi looked at me like she wanted to lodge something sharp in my sternum. 

"Big fucking deal. She's still a tramp." 

Hearing her attacking Mel angered me. Of the three of us, she was the least culpable. 

"Well, at least she didn't cheat on me." 

"I never cheated on you either Josh. I was always honest with you. I told you from the beginning about who I am and what I want. You knew exactly what you were getting in to." 

"SO WHAT NA!" I shouted as I stood up. She didn't even flinch. "Knowing is different than feeling. Knowing didn't stop my fucking heart from breaking!" 

I didn't want to get emotional, but I couldn't help it. The feelings were there, buried very close to the surface. They'd been there for a while now. 

"How do you think I felt every time you went out with another guy? How did you feel when I was out with Mel?" I asked her. Naomi sighed as she deflated. Understanding reached her eyes. I think that for the first time she actually looked at this from my point of view. 

Slowly, she got up from the couch, came over to me, and wrapped her arms around my neck. She kissed my cheek and held me in a warm embrace. 

"I'm really sorry Josh. Not about her, but about hurting you." 

We hugged for a few more minutes, just enjoying the feel of each other. 

"I've missed you baby." Her breathy whisper in my ear took away all of the pain that I'd felt. Her lips met mine. It started soft at first, but soon we were making out. 

I started to try to lead her into the bedroom, but she broke the kiss when she realized my intentions. I was confused at first, but then I looked at the couch and remembered that not too long ago she was having sex with another man. 

"Do you want anything to drink?" She changed the subject as she went to the kitchen. 

I told her yes and took a seat on the couch. She returned with two waters and handed me one as she sat next to me. We both took leisurely sips as we looked at each other. 

"Don't you even want to know why she left?" 

"No. Not really." She said with a triumphant smile. She was enjoying this a little too much. I watched her take another sip of her water and marveled at how gracious and beautiful she was. I could tell that she knew that I was looking at her, but she didn't feel uncomfortable in the slightest. 

"It's your fault you know." 

"Really? How's that? How did I make little miss Tattoo run off?" 

I paused because I was building up the courage to say what I needed to say. My heart was practically in my throat. 

"She left because I couldn't fall in love with her. I...I'm in love with you." 

She froze mid sip. Even from behind the water bottle, I could see her shocked expression. Time stopped for me. Seconds and minutes no longer existed. I realized that I wasn't even breathing. 

Was this what Mel felt like when she whispered those words to me? God, what if Naomi reacts like I reacted? No wonder Mel was so hurt! 

Naomi slowly put the water on the coffee table in from of us. "Wow Josh. I mean...wow." 

I wanted to sprint out of there and throw myself off the nearest high point. Didn't matter what it was; bridge, skyscraper, a really tall fucking tree. I just wanted to end it all. 

That is until she wrapped herself around me like an anaconda. 

"I-I think I love you too Josh." She let go of me and sat back, looking into my eyes. "No, I know I do. I love you Josh." 

From then on we were pretty much the stereotypical exclusive couple. I introduced her to my parents (that was an exercise in how much they could embarrass me in one evening). I met her friends (not happy that most of them were guys). But she introduced me as her boyfriend, so I was okay. There were a few shocked faces and jokes amongst her group; they often made references to me being the cowboy that finally broke the wild steed. 

Naomi and my sister got really close. They even talked on the phone a couple of times a week. I found that a bit curious, but in a good way. It could have been that they were so similar that they just automatically liked each other, but I think that Naomi was the sister that Trina never had and vice versa. 

You will probably notice that I mentioned nothing about Naomi's family. When we became close, I noticed that she never talked about them either. When I spoke to her about meeting them, she said that her parents were dead. I asked about siblings and she changed the subject. She clearly didn't want to talk about it, so I was left with no other choice but to drop it. Maybe I shouldn't have. But I was young, happy and in love. Delving into her past didn't seem pertinent enough to disrupt that at the time. 

Another decision that shaped our future. Que Sera Sera. 

I spent so much time at her apartment that it seemed only logical that we get a place together. At least it seemed only logical to me. She still had that ridiculous need to assert her "freedom" though. She didn't use it to have sex with other guys, but it was always a battle to get her to act like we were a couple. I had to constantly fight with her for the smallest expressions of love and commitment. 

I do agree that things were moving pretty fast with us. For Naomi, it was warp speed. It was just that I was so into her that I was all in. She often put the brakes on and told me that we needed to slow down. 

I don't know why I was pushing things as hard as I was. I think deep down I was trying to cement my place in her life. We had such a rocky start, and she was so hesitant about moving to the next step that I was a little insecure about where I stood with her. 

Not to mention that she was the biggest flirt in history. But I knew that she was faithful. One thing about Naomi was that she was honest about her shit. I questioned her about her interaction with other guys frequently, and she was always upfront with me. 

Was he flirting with you? Yes 

Did you flirt back? You know I did. 

Are you attracted to him? Yes. I think he's hot. 

Would you fuck him? If it wouldn't hurt you, yes. In a heartbeat. But I know that it would hurt you, and I wouldn't do that to you. 

Also, she rarely said , "I love you". These things always made me doubtful about us. 

Remember, I was a perennial victim. Having a victim's mentality doesn't only mean that you tend to blame outside forces for your problems. It also means that you always expect to have problems; therefore, you create a lot of your own issues through self-prophecy. 

My insecurity and her reluctance to make progress was a constant source of tension between us. We'd argue time and time again over these things. I'd attempt to move forward, she'd give a little but after a while pull the emergency brake. 

I know most of you are wondering, why stay with her? If it's that hard to be together, why not cut your losses and move on? 

Well, because it wasn't hard to be together. The stuff I mentioned were the only bad parts of my relationship with her. The good parts? Ah yes, the good parts. She got me in a way that no one besides Trina understood me. It was uncanny how she would always know exactly what I needed without me uttering a word. For instance, there was one time when I was extremely pissed off. I had no idea what made me so irritable. I was snapping at her about little things and I couldn't really figure out why. Finally, without a word, she just left. I was about to call her to apologize, but she returned 15 minutes later with a Snickers bar. I looked at her with a face that was clearly a question mark when she smirked at me said, "Josh, you aren't you when you're hungry". Those of you who have seen a Snickers commercial know what I'm talking about. We laughed for at least 10 minutes over that one. But I realized that she'd figured out that my blood sugar was more than likely dropping. Instead of just telling me to get something to eat, which probably would have started more arguing, she diffused the situation with humor, all the while giving me what I really needed. 

That's just one story. There are many. We were good together. 

I felt safe with her despite the fact that it would take a natural disaster for her to say those three words to me. However, she showed me in so many ways. 

For one, given her "need" for freedom, the fact that she was willing to give it up for me was in itself remarkable. And in case you're wondering, she was faithful. Could she have been lying about it? Sure, anything's possible. But I don't think so. Naomi wasn't the kind of woman who felt like she had to lie about what she did. She'd always been up front with me and told me the truth, whether I liked it or not. 

So she gave me no reason to distrust her. For those of you who feel that I shouldn't trust her because of how she was, let me ask you something. Would you want your significant other to judge you by who you are now, or who you were when you weren't together? For someone like me who has a "colorful" sexual past, the answer was easy. 

After months of battling with her to get a place with me, I was at my wits end. To my surprise, she finally agreed that we should move in together. By this time I'd known her for a little over a year and a half, though we'd only been an official couple for about 8 months. 

It was an adjustment for us, but I really think that the bigger adjustment was on her part. She was so used to being on her own and having her space that it was a real culture shock to be sharing with someone else. But I could tell that she was trying. 

I did things to let her know how much I appreciated her, which always made her smile. I was a decent cook, while she was the take out queen, so I occasionally made sure that we ate something that was actually prepared in our kitchen. 

Naomi would have episodes where she would get claustrophobic with me around. Everything pissed her off at that point. She'd snap on me about the smallest things; chewing my gum too loudly, laughing at stupid commercials, leaving the toilet seat up. Okay, that last one is apparently a legitimate gripe amongst women, but you get the picture. 

I had learned her moods by then, so I knew when she needed space. I learned that the best approach to this was to make myself scarce by hanging out with friends. So I would make up some plans that I "forgot" to tell her about and disappear. She protested for appearances sake, but it was half-hearted. 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 03



I would know when she was ready for me to come home. She would call me and complain that I Ieft her there by herself while I went out to have fun with my friends. Of course, this would be hours later. We both knew that she enjoyed it when I left, but instead of saying "thank you" she made it my fault. Her accusations never packed any real venom, and we both knew that this was her way of saying that she missed me. So I let it slide. I would let her know that I was on my way home and apologize for "being so selfish". 

She made sure to punish me repeatedly for my thoughtlessness. 

I asked her to marry me when we were walking in the park one day. I made it sound like some off the wall suggestion. She stopped walking, looked at me and said, "No." 

My heart broke, but I tried not to show it. I pretended like it was just a suggestion and tried to change the subject and start walking again, but she grabbed my arm. 

"I said no because you weren't really asking me. When you are serious about proposing to me, you will buy a ring, make some extravagant subterfuge to throw me off, and then surprise me in front of dozens of other people by dropping to your knee."  

"Will you say yes?" 

She pretended to think about it. "I don't know. I guess you'll just have to ask to find out." 

So it came as no surprise when I dropped down to one knee at a Christmas party held at my parents' house and asked her to be my wife. In case you're wondering, she said yes. 

****************** 

THE PRESENT - September 2015 

For the first time in days, I feel the urge to get out of my sister's basement. I look at my half eaten, soggy sandwich and my stomach growls. The fact that I actually think about finishing it makes me realize that I am hungrier than I thought. 

It's around midnight, so I silently creep upstairs to see what I can find in my sister's fridge. As I nimbly make my way into the kitchen, I hear something that makes me pause. My body stops moving as I perk my ears to recognize the noise. I hear it again. It sounds familiar, yet foreign. Oh fuck! It's a moan. 

Slowly, stealthily, I take baby ninja steps towards the sound. As I turn the corner, I almost lose what little I have on my stomach. 

Right there, on her living room couch, my sister is getting ploughed by a muscular ass. I can't really see her fully. All I see of her is her socked feet above his shoulders, and her small hands on his thighs. He is standing with his legs apart for leverage, so I also get the added view of his dick savagely invading her as his balls bounce off of her. The lewd sound of wet, slapping skin fills my ears. 

"Fuck me Jerry! Make me take that dick!" 

I stand immobilized. It isn't eroticism that keeps me there; after all, she's my sister! It is pure shock. 

She finally opens her eyes and sees me. She has a moment of that Exploding Noema Syndrome that I mentioned earlier. That moment passes quickly though, and she launches Jerry off of her. 

"Oh my God! What the fuck! Josh! Get out of here!" 

My mind and body are on two different wavelengths. I try to scramble out of there, but trip several times before getting my footing. Once I'm safe in the confines of the basement, my mind replays everything that I saw. Much to my chagrin. 

Above me, I hear frantic movement across the floor, which by my guess is them hurriedly getting dressed. When it calms down, I figure that it's time to face the music and get this inevitable awkward encounter over with. Time isn't going to make it any less uncomfortable. 

"Are you guys decent?" I yell out as I open the basement door. I have to make myself stop from laughing when I hear my sister's embarrassed voice answer me in the affirmative. 

I lose the battle of not laughing when I enter the living room and see them sitting on the couch with a gap between them big enough to fit me in. That is funny enough, but upon further inspection, I see the reason why. There is a big wet spot on the cushion that they are avoiding. 

"If you guys don't mind, I'll be sitting over here. You know, where it's dry." I say, pointing to chair across the room. Trina covers her face in embarrassment. I know that I shouldn't enjoy this as much as I am, but this is the first real laugh that I'd had in a week. 

"How's it hanging Jerry?" I joke. My sister looks like she is ready to pass out. 

"What do you want Josh?" She quickly interjects, not even giving Jerry a chance to answer my obvious set up. Her voice is stern, but with her cheeks are flushed. Her normal assertive Trina-like demeanor is gone. I rarely see her like this, so it's a real treat for me. 

"I just came up here to get something to eat sis. Don't want my sugar to get too low. You did make a promise you know." I smirk at her, still enjoying the discomfort that she is feeling. 

Trina glowers at me with a look that should have shot lasers through me. My feigned innocent expression does nothing but antagonize her. As it is supposed to. 

For some odd reason, the happy couple just aren't in the mood for loving anymore. They say their goodbyes and Jerry finally leaves, giving my sister a peck on the lips. 

Gee, I hope it wasn't something I said. 

As I watch the exchange between them, I am struck by the way Jerry looks at Trina. It is very reminiscent to the way another man had looked at her once upon a time. The way I looked at Naomi before all of this. Like nothing else matters. 

"Good seeing you Jerry." I shout as he makes his way out the door. By now he is less embarrassed about the situation. My sister is still unable to look me in the eyes, but Jerry is actually smiling about the whole thing. I guess there are worse things that a guy can get caught doing than fucking the shit out of a pretty girl. He gives me a head nod in response. "Later Josh." 

With him gone, Trina shoots daggers into me with her eyes. 

"I've been trying to get you out of the basement for days. You pick NOW to get your head out of your ass?" 

Irony can be funny. Well, at least to me it is. Trina looks less amused. 

"Well, how was I to know that his head was in your ass?" 

Her face screws up as she throws something at me. I don't know what it is, but it sails in another direction, missing me completely. 

"Ewww. Gross Josh. Do you kiss Henry with that mouth?" 

"Do you kiss YOUR kids that that mouth? I'm sure it was just doing worse things than mine." 

"Kiss my ass Josh!" Her words don't have any ire in them. In fact, there is a smile creeping on her face, like she is finally conceding to the fact that she was caught with her pants down. Pun intended. 

"No thank you. That's Jerry's job." I yell out as she strolls into the kitchen. She returns with two cokes and hands me one. I guess sweaty, raunchy sex can build up a thirst. After a couple of sips she gives me a serious smile. 

"I am glad to see you up and at 'em." 

"Yeah. I may have to fight the urge to stick a rusty fork in my eyes, but other than that I feel better. Well, as good as I could feel with a wife who fucks other people." 

She nods sympathetically and takes another sip. "You gonna talk to her?" 

The only response I can give is a shrug of my shoulders. Things get awkwardly quiet for a moment until I ask, "What's it like sis, you know, with him gone?" 

By "him" I was referring to her late husband and my niece's and nephew's father. Carlos was a cop who was shot in the line of duty while doing a routine traffic stop. He didn't realize that the beat down Honda that he pulled over for speeding was stolen and had a trunk full of drugs with a driver on his third strike. 

"Lonely. Fucking lonely." Now it's my turn to nod. 

"Do you ever get over it?" 

She sadly shakes her head. "No. Never. Especially when little Carlos looks so much like him. There isn't a day that goes by that something doesn't remind me of him. I used to play this game with myself where I try to imagine what Carlos would do or say when the kids did something good like come home with a good grade or something bad like rub bubble gum in each other's hair." 

I selfishly start thinking about what my life would look like without Naomi in it. I don't like the empty void feeling that follows that thought. 

"Does Jerry help?" 

She gives me a slight laugh and she looks up dreamily. "Jerry's great. He helps. He's funny, sexy as hell, and really sweet. But he's not Carlos." 

I have to agree with her on that. Carlos was one of a kind. 

Trina worked for the DA's office when she met him. Still does in fact. Carlos Senior, my late brother, had the hots for her from the moment he saw her. He often joked that the first time he saw her ass in a fitted pleated skirt he knew he would marry her. 

He pursued her big time. He would drive up to the office a few times a week when he was patrolling just to ask her out. He wasn't even subtle about it. She turned him down on almost a daily basis. At first. 

As time went on, it became a cat and mouse game. Carlos kept coming back, bringing flowers, leaving notes on her windshield, waiting by her car for her to get off work. He even found out her telephone number and her address (wouldn't be much of a cop if he couldn't). He just would not quit. I believe that my sister fell for him long before she finally gave in and went out with him, but she just got a kick out of him chasing her. She acted annoyed by his pursuit, but she could have stopped him if she REALLY wanted to. When she finally did accept his invitation to dinner "just to shut him up" he told her that she would never regret that decision. Until he got shot, she never did. 

When she got that distressing phone call, little Carlos was one years old and she was 8 months pregnant with Callie. When she gave birth, Carlos' death amplified her postpartum depression. All she wanted to do was sleep. She didn't clean the house. She didn't take a shower. She just slept. If it wasn't for my mother stepping in and practically living there for months, I'm not certain that Carlos and Callie would still be with her. 

Carlos was like a big brother to me. I looked up to him. He had this aura of confidence about him that just drew you in. He wasn't what most people would consider tall, dark, and handsome. He had a rough look to him. But he was funny as hell and could charm the pants off of...well, my sister. There was just this way that he carried himself that made him a natural leader. 

Even my parents, who were always judgmental about Trina's decisions, loved Carlos from the moment they met him. It was like he was born to be in our family. That's why his death hit us so hard. Not only were we grieving for Trina, but we also felt the loss. Of course Trina suffered the most. She had two kids , one of whom would never meet her daddy. She had to make funeral arrangements. She had nosy people who constantly wanted to talk about what a shame it was for a cop to get shot doing something so routine, all the while trying to pump her for details on what was happening with the case so that they could run back to the rumor mill with fresh information. It was a long road back for Trina. 

She hit rock bottom with depression. Little by little though, I saw my sister crawl her way out of it. When she started dating Jerry, I knew the worst was behind her. 

"You are one strong cookie Trina. It takes a lot to hold you down." I say as admirably. She smiles at my compliment before she gets up and makes her way up the stairs to her bedroom. As she passes me she lovingly rubs my head. 

I can't just leave it at that sappy moment though. 

"Why were you two in the living room? You know that's what bedrooms are for?" 

She laughs as she stopped a few steps up. "Cal was having nightmares so she slept in my bed. There's no way to get it on with a 12 year old next to you. I figured that you would still be wallowing in your misery downstairs. Of course, being the true pain in the ass that you are, you can't even do that right. You always have to find a way to ruin my fun." 

"You're welcome." 

When I hear her bedroom door close, I sit in the silence thinking about my own life. What would life look like if I had to continue without Naomi? 

Fucking lonely indeed. 

******************** 

THE PAST January 2007 - March 2010 

I would love to say that married life was all that I dreamed it would be, but it really wasn't. We all tend to romanticize what life would be like with our spouse. You know, sex in all parts of the house, intimate nights together, finishing each other's sentences, and whatever other cliché you can think of. 

But those of us who are or have been married know the real deal. Those clichés of marriage last for about the first six months to a year. We all know what the term "honeymoon phase" is. Then the warm and fuzzies of love start to wear off and you realize the other realities of life. 

Nothing brings this home more vividly than watching your wife take a shit with you in the bathroom. Her foul stink fills the air as you gasp for breath. She, on the other hand, insists on having a deep emotional conversation with you while she is dropping the deuces. When you reach that level, you know the honeymoon phase has passed. 

And that's before you put a bun in the oven. Once you fully consummate your wedded bliss with an infant, you are in it for the long haul. 

Henry was born in April 2009, just over two years after Naomi and I said I do. He was the most perfect baby that was ever made. Really! I'm not biased when I say that. He really was the best looking baby in the entire world. I saw him in the nursery when Naomi was knocked out after 10 hours of heavy labor. Let me tell you, anyone who says that all babies are beautiful needs to be slapped in the mouth for lying. I looked at a lot of those screwed face crying machines and I knew that they were going to be the target for bullies in the coming years. 

When we took Henry home with us, we were scared shitless. Here we had this perfect, precious life that we were responsible for. His future was going to be a direct reflection of us. 

Naomi selflessly gave her resignation to her job to become a full time mom. By that time I made enough at my job to support us. Sure we had some major adjustments to make as far as our spending, but all of our bills were covered from my check alone and we still had sufficient money for the other stuff. 

Naomi's pregnancy was a very difficult one. She came down with Gestational Diabetes during, so she gained about 80 pounds. She was always lethargic and would run out of breath easily. Just moving from the bedroom to the living room was enough to wear her out. By the time Henry was ready to come, she was begging him to get the fuck out of her. 

After he was born, I assumed the weight would go away. It didn't. Her sexy figure seemed to be a thing of the past. She did not take that too well. 

My sister and mother tried to make me understand what a hard time she was having, but you are better off teaching music to a monkey. What did I know about post-partum? The only thing that I got out of those discussions was that I needed to be patient with her. They told me that the best thing that I could do was to try to reassure her and tell her that I still found her sexy and enticing. I tried to do that. 

The problem was that I didn't find her sexy and enticing. Sounds cruel but true. It wasn't about the extra weight that she put on. It was that her attitude changed with the weight. She was no longer the confident, sassy woman who I met. She was often moody, depressed, and irritable. A lot of time it was no fun being around her. 

Life with her wasn't really unpleasant. It was just boring. There was no spark. I still loved her with all of my being, but being away from her was often easier than being with her. 

That Christmas, I made the gesture that actually was the first raindrop of the coming storm. I knew that she was having an issue with her weight. I knew that it caused her endless amounts of stress and depression. So, being the loving husband that I am, I bought her a treadmill. 

Not sure you know much about women, but apparently I didn't know dick. This gift caused her to run out of the room crying and have my mother and sister stare at me open mouthed like I just set Henry on fire. 

"Tell me you aren't really this dumb, Josh?" My sister asked me as my mother left to go console my wife. My dad just sat there with a bewildered look on his face that said he was just as confused as I was. 

"I thought it was a good gift." He mumbled as he and Jerry shared a shrug. 

"God! Now I know I'm adopted. There's no way I share any genes with you two." She huffed exasperatedly as she stomped off into the direction my mother and Naomi went. 

My gift, as thoughtful as I thought it was, reaffirmed my wife's belief that she was unattractive. To her, I was letting her know that I agreed with her by giving her a means to GET ATTRACTIVE. Women. Go figure. 

The chaos died down and things returned to normal, but that put a bug in Naomi's ear. Next thing I knew, she'd ordered DVD's teaching you how to get in shape, started watching the cooking network to learn how to prepare healthy foods, and joined Jerry's gym with him taking her on as a client. 

I guess I haven't really mentioned Jerry much at this point, except to say that he was Carlos' replacement. Well, that's not fair to either of them. There really is no replacing Carlos. But Jerry was the man that made my sister smile after a long time of pain. He was golden with us. 

He was a part time personal trainer at the gym that Trina goes to. He'd met her when she was still married to Carlos. He hit on her, as did a lot of the other guys, but she made it clear that she was in love with her husband, who was a cop. For some reason, guys back off instantly when they hear that part. Smart guys do, anyway. Probably scared of the gun. 

Well, after Carlos' death, when she tried to move forward with her life, she began to work out with vigor. It helped her forget. She was having trouble sleeping with Carlos' spot empty, so she worked her body to exhaustion until she could no longer stay awake. 

Jerry stayed clear for a while, as he knew what had happened to her husband. After a while the two of them began talking. Being that he was shut down previously and considering her recent loss, this time he didn't hit on her. He just talked with her. I don't know what he said to turn the tide in his favor, but I know that one day she surprised him by asking him to come over her house when the kids were being babysat by my mom. He came there expecting to go out on a date, but she dragged him inside and practically raped him. Repeatedly. 

So they started off as friends with benefits. In Trina's mind, they stayed that way, though I think that she's seriously deluding herself. He spends time with the kids a few times a week, he comes to all of our family functions, neither of them are seeing anyone else, and my parents are fond of him. I actually think that my mother secretly lusts after him, as I see her silently appraising him every time he lifts something heavy. But that is just conjecture on my part. 

The only thing that even hints of friends with benefits is the fact that she refuses to move in with him or allow him to move in with her. By the time my son Henry was born, they'd been - whatever they are - for about 3 years. Callie was 5 and little Carlos was 7. Little Carlos vaguely remembered his daddy (he was only 1 so his memories are mostly stories that he heard about his daddy), and Callie never knew him. Jerry was all they knew. Hell, they called him "uncle Jerry". 

It was at this time that he brought up the subject of moving in together. She flat out said no. She said that she was not remotely ready to move another man into Carlos' home, nor was she entertaining the idea of leaving it behind. She said he could either deal with it or stop calling. So he backed off. 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 03



Anyways, Jerry worked with Naomi 3 times a week, though she went to the gym every day. He also helped her come up with a meal plan that worked better for her. 

As the months went by, the pounds came off. It seemed like every time the number on the scale changed, a little bit of the old Naomi came back to us. She became more vibrant. She was sexy. Most of all, her confidence was returning. 

Then, one day, she called me at work. I thought something was wrong because she hardly ever called me during the day. She told me that I needed to hurry home. 

Panic had me breaking the sound barrier as I pulled into my garage. When I busted through the front door, I was greeted by a wife wearing the sexiest lingerie I'd seen her wear in a long while. I definitely noticed the difference in her body. While she wasn't like she was when I first met her, she was miles from where she'd been after Henry's birth. 

We fucked right there on the living room floor. Then the kitchen table. Unfortunately, I ruined her lingerie as I removed it from her body a little too "impatiently". 

Later on that night, I was unable to wipe the goofy grin off of my face. Neither was she. We just kept passing these secret looks to each other as Henry seemed oblivious. Once in bed, I asked her about my good fortune. 

"What brought that on?" 

"Did you like it?" 

"Hell yeah!" 

She flashed an appreciative smile that let me know that she was happy that she pleased me. She was still having a little trouble with her confidence, so me being turned on by her was a big ego boost. But I was about to find out that I wasn't the only reason that she was getting her groove back. 

"Please don't get mad when I tell you this. Jerry told me not to say anything, but I've never lied to you and I won't start now." 

This raised my alarm. "What happened?" 

She got an uncertain look on her face as she said, "Some guy hit on me today." 

Immediately, my jealousy burned. I knew she saw it in my eyes, because she started talking quickly. 

"It wasn't anything really Josh. He just told me that I looked hot and that he would really like to take me out." 

This did nothing to reduce my jealousy. 

"And what did you say?" I asked, perhaps a little too accusingly. She shrank back and looked a little hurt. 

"I didn't say anything Josh. I didn't have to. By then Jerry approached the guy and told him that I was a very good friend who was also the wife of another close friend. He said that he takes it as a personal slap to his face when people bother his friends. He hates getting slapped. It makes him angry and causes him to do rash things. Rash, violent things. The guy slinked away so fast I thought Jerry had vaporized him." 

Did I mention what a great guy Jerry is? 

I still sat there sulking. The memory of this great afternoon was blown to pieces. Naomi snuggled up to me and started rubbing my chest to comfort me. 

"Josh, you have no reason to be jealous. I had no inclination to go out with that guy. Honest. I was just so turned on by the fact that someone actually found me attractive. It made me feel pretty again. I needed your dick inside of me." 

This did calm me down some and I allowed her to snuggle me. 

"If you weren't married to me would you have gone out with him?" 

She thought for a moment and I felt her shaking her head on my chest. "No. He wasn't really my type. But it did feel good to at least have some guy ask." 

That put the matter to rest and we both drifted off into a slumber. 

************************** 

BACK TO THE PRESENT - September 2015 

The next morning, after I stumbled upon my sister giving it up so eagerly to her "not boyfriend" I decide that it's time that I return to work. I'd used up all of my sick days and then took some personal days, so it was time to get back to the world. 

Being back among the living is very refreshing. After only seeing the walls in the basement and having no encounter with any humans besides my sister and her kids (and Jerry of course, but I'd blocked that out), I find that I practically absorb the energy of others and feel a little revitalized. 

Tom, who is my closest colleague at work, catches me up on the trouble calls that were done in my absence and what was done to fix them. He also shows me what maintenance and repairs are still open tickets, and the time timeframe that we are expected to complete them in. He even made out a spreadsheet of what needs to be done on what day. Once he is finished giving me the low down he welcomes me back and we get to work. 

I like working with Tom. I don't like him as a person in particular. Its not that I dislike him, per se, it's just that he has little personality. For him, it's all business all the time. I know nothing of his personal life, and he stays clear of mine's. Even now, when I'd been gone an entire week, he makes no reference to it. He just kept things going until I got back, and lets me know what I missed. While we may never go out and get a beer together, as far as work goes we are a well-oiled machine. 

So I dive head first into work. How cliché is that? The poor cheated husband drowns himself in work so that he can forget his troubles with the missus. Well, it's a cliché because it works. 

Before I knew it, the sun had set and Tom was biding me a good night as he heads out. I hadn't even eaten lunch. Damn, Naomi would kill me if she found that out. 

I kick myself for thinking about her. Who cares what she wants? 

When I make it to my car and start the engine, I just sit there. Suddenly, I am confused about where I'm going. Am I going back to my sister's house, or should I head for home and face the inevitable. When I was hiding out in Trina's basement, it was easy. Now, being out in the world, I am forced to think about my life and what needs to be done. 

When you are done being the victim, maybe you can get off your ass and out of my basement and take your life back. 

Trina's voice breaks through my subconscious loud and clear. She'd spoken these words to me last night as I wallowed in my shit. They hurt at the time, but now the wisdom packed into them give me pause. 

Suddenly, my decision is easy. No longer a debate, I pull out of the parking lot and make my way home. 

***************** 

THE PAST - March through July 2010 

After that unexpected sexual bout with my wife, I was looking forward to more wonderful adventures. Unfortunately, things returned to the humdrum way that they were before that. Naomi continued to work out with Jerry and was still getting results, but the fire of that day hadn't resurfaced. Sure we had sex occasionally, but it wasn't how it had been. Naomi rarely (okay, pretty much never) initiated, and the Olympian performances of our "pre Henry" days were a distant memory (that amazing day with the lingerie being the notable exception). 

Since I knew that the ignition source for that explosion of sexual desire was the lust of an admirer, I tried to use that to spark something similar. I asked her if anybody else hit on her lately. She laughed and said that Jerry pretty much scared the shit out of that guy, and therefore set an example. Men went out of their way to stay clear of her, even when Jerry wasn't there. She didn't sound disappointed by this, but there was a certain lack luster way that she spoke about it that made me sad.  

I wanted my wife back. I hadn't totally realized that anything was missing in our marriage until she attacked me that day. After that, I yearned for a return to that. I mean, I knew that our situation wasn't the same as it had been before Henry, but we all live life gradually and learn new realities without knowing that we did. Then, something happens and we realize that things had changed without our noticing. That had happened to me. To us. 

The key to getting her back to that was to make her feel sexy again. The old Naomi was confident in herself. Remember, I told you that she was sexy and she knew it. Her knowing it was very important to her being sexy. It was a symbiotic relationship of sorts. She knew that men wanted her and that affected how she acted. She never really sought out attention from guys, but she knew that she would get it nonetheless. It became one of those things that just happened because she was so sexy. Now, she used that as a barometer to how sexy she was. 

So I set out in my campaign to make my wife feel sexy. I started groping her whenever I passed her. She was shocked at first and didn't know how to handle it. A few times she even asked me if I was feeling okay. 

"I just can't keep my hands off of my wife's sexy new body!" 

You know what? It worked! She began to get into the flow of it. She would bend down a few seconds longer when she was looking for something in the fridge, or stick her chest out a little bit further when she was reaching over my head to get something. There were times when we did everything short of drugging Henry to get him to bed early so that we could ravish each other. 

Things went on like that, and life at home was fun once again. But we all know that good things cannot last. I started to notice that she was falling into her funk again. My gropes started to irritate her and no longer turned her on. We still had sex, but the wild sex that I'd grown to enjoy started to become sparse. 

One night when we were laying down in bed I looked over at her reading a book. My eyes scanned her like they did every night and I admired her. Her legs were getting some tone in them, and her waist was looking really trim. I noticed some definition in her arms. She was really hot! But when I got to her face, all I saw was sadness. 

"Sweetie, can I ask you something?" 

She looked at me and laid her book down on her lap. "Sure honey." 

"Are you happy?" 

She looked confused for a second and asked, "Why do you ask that? Of course I am." 

"It doesn't seem like it." 

Now she put her book off to the side and scooted down on the bed until she was face to face with me. 

"Why do you say that Josh? " 

"I don't know Na. You just seem so far away from me. Ever since Henry was born you just don't seem like the happy fun loving Naomi that I married." 

For some reason this put her on the defensive. On a side note, in the book of things not to say to somebody who has had a baby 15 months prior, please include this. 

"Of course not Josh. The Naomi that you married didn't have a kid with her all day. The Naomi that you knew had a job and people to interact with. Of course she was 'fun loving'." 

Now it was my turn to get defensive. "So it's my fault? Is that what you're saying?" 

Her face softened and she rubbed my arm. "No sweetie. It isn't anyone's fault. It's just life." She kissed me on the cheek to reassure me and rolled over to get some sleep, but my mind was moving. My wife was unhappy, and I couldn't stand it. Worse still, there was nothing I could do to help her. 

After a few minutes of silence, I said, "Why don't you go back to work?" 

"Huh?" 

"You say that you were happier when you were working and didn't have to take care of a kid all day. What if you went back to work?" 

Now she rolled over to face me again. "Who would watch Henry?" I noticed that she didn't reject the idea. 

"I'm sure we can find a baby sitter. My mother is always complaining that she doesn't see him enough. If we put our minds to it I'm sure that we could figure something out." 

She seemed to perk up a bit. "I haven't worked in a year and a half Josh. Who would hire me?" 

"You aren't going to find out until you start looking." 

We talked for hours about how we would go about this. The more excited she became, the happier I became. By the time we dozed off, it was a forgone conclusion that we'd begun "Operation Get Naomi a Job". 

Over the next few weeks Naomi was on a mission. She'd updated her resume and talked to several headhunters. There was a little disappointment when she asked her old job if they had any openings and they told her no, but she was not to be denied. A minor bump in the road. 

Before my eyes, I saw the spark returning. I knew I made the right suggestion when I watched how she glowed. She didn't even have a job at this time and she was practically floating. This vibrancy hadn't translated to the bedroom yet, but that was okay for now. I knew that the uninhibited Naomi of the past was just brimming beneath the surface. I just had to be patient and wait for her to emerge. 

In our initial exuberance, we overlooked the fact that the economy was still reeling from the great recession and jobs were hardly abundant. The reality of our country's crisis became a real thing to us. 

Frustration started to set in a couple of months later when she was still unemployed. She'd been on 4 interviews by then, one of them coming down between her and another woman. When they chose her instead of Naomi I came home to an irritable wife who all but bit my head off at the slightest word. She apologized later, but I was beginning to worry. 

Her workouts continued, and by now she had a body that easily rivaled Mel's (don't tell her I said that). I was in a constant state of horniness whenever I saw the slightest bit of skin on her fabulous body. We were having some sex, but it was uninspired. She hardly ever had a big orgasm. It wasn't like she was a cold fish. She responded to me and I could see that she enjoyed our time together, but she never had any of the body convulsing explosions that she used to have. They were the kind where she would clinch up and moan, but hardly ever make any sounds in the decibel range that she used to. 

When I asked her about it, she would let me know that she enjoyed our sex just fine. We weren't those two young uninhibited people anymore. People grow up and relationships evolve. The important thing was that we were together and loved each other. All of the other stuff was superfluous. 

No matter what she said, I was not comforted. In fact, this broke my heart even more. It was like she'd given up. She didn't even act like she missed it. I think that Naomi was in a form of denial. 

My sister got the idea that Jerry should talk to the people at the gym to see if they needed a female trainer. I gave him some before and after pictures of Naomi to show. Once they saw her transformation, they were practically begging her. 

She would be working on the days that Jerry did not. This would end their time working out together, but he'd stop being her trainer long ago. They enjoyed their time together, as they'd gotten to be friends. 

The first few weeks she worked, nothing changed. She was happier and more vibrant, but in the bedroom things remained the same. That is until the day she called me at work and told me to hurry home. Déjà vu. 

She didn't even bother with the lingerie this time. That just saved us some money and made it easier for us to get started, though my clothes seemed to be fastened a bit too securely. Once again, we tried to fuck each other into unconsciousness. When we were done, we were nothing more than a pile of sweaty flesh. 

"Who hit on you today?" 

The question just came out. Surprisingly though, I wasn't even jealous. It was more curiosity than anything. She seemed hesitant at first, but when she saw that I wasn't angry she opened up and told me about a client. She'd been helping him for a couple of weeks and he was grateful. She said that he was very sweet when he asked her out to get some coffee "just to thank her" so she was equally sweet when she turned him down. 

This was actually the day of conception for "The Game". 

******************************** 

THE PRESENT - September 2015 

The engine idles softly like a purring kitten as I sit in my driveway. The trip from the parking lot at work to the doorstep of my house takes 20 minutes without traffic. Seems like a relatively small timeframe, yet it was enough time for my mind to tell me why going to my sister's house to hide out for a couple more days was a viable option. 

The problem is not that I'm afraid of Naomi. I'm actually more scared of what I will say or do. I don't want to face the situation that we were in. I don't want to hear her explain it to me. Naomi is a very honest person. If she tells me something, I don't have to wonder what she really means. 

If she were a liar or generally an evil bitch, confronting her would have been easy. Hell, she'd already be packed and moved out. The problem I have is that she isn't evil. She isn't a liar. She is one of the most loving people I know. Sure, she can be selfish at times and very controlling, but she would never intentionally do anything that would hurt anybody - especially me. She doesn't say it much, but deep down I know for a fact that she loves me. 

My problem is that when I talk to her, I will have to address the fact that I am not a complete innocent victim in all of this. This situation is not a case of the clueless husband versus the narcissistic wife. My time at my sister's house made me realize that we share blame in the status of our marriage. 

I can hear the groans. No! It's not your fault! Why does the guy always have to blame himself in these stories? It's the bitch's fault! She cheated! Not you! You are the innocent party! 

Trust me, I would love to put the blame completely on her. I so would. That's my nature, as I told you. If this were a StangStar story, I could look forward to the universe dealing out justice to the selfish clueless bitch by elevating my life and making her forever remorseful. If only. 

But one thing that separates the victims from the victors is the consciousness that you always have a part to play in your destiny. You are the actor, writer, director, producer, and publisher of your story. Nothing that happens to you just happens. Somewhere down the line, at some time, there was a choice made that set your path in motion. Oh, you may have been unaware of the choice at the time. Or you could have been aware of the POTENTIAL of the danger but felt that you stood a good chance to avoid it. Either way, an act of your own doing sets you towards the consequences. 

I turn the key and cut the engine. The silence that ensues lets me know that my choice to do this tonight is no longer just a plan. It's going to happen. 

Okay Josh. Time to face the music. 

My wife stands in the kitchen with her mouth hanging open as she watches me walk in the front door. I see her blink a few times as if she was trying to make sure that her eyes aren't lying to her. Things seem surreal at the moment. 

"Daddy!" Henry's voice pierces through the tension as he sprints over to me. I often find myself amazed at times at how fast those little legs can carry him. He closes the gap between us and launches himself into my arms. 

"Hey buddy!" I say as I scoop him up and kiss him. I almost have to kick myself at the thought that I've left him for an entire week with no phone call. It further bothers me that I was actually ready to go a little longer. 

Some Dad I am! 

Naomi slowly makes her way toward me. Her eyes are filled with both apprehension and relief. 

"Hey Josh." She says, trying to sound like all is normal, but the crack in her voice betrays her. She sounds like she is ready to cry. I allow her to approach me and plant a tentative kiss on my lips. I would like to say that I did it for Henry's sake, but that's not being honest. It really feels good to put eyes on my wife again and touch her, no matter how much I want to hate her. 

"I was just fixing Henry some dinner. Are you eating with us?" 

Her body language is very timid and unsure. The fact that she asked me if I was eating there let me know that she is aware of the fragility of our relationship. That never even used to be a question. 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 03



"Yeah. Did you cook enough?" 

"Umm, we can make due." 

She goes about setting up the food that she has prepared. As our new norm since she had started her journey of self-improvement, we are having a fine, healthy meal. She'd baked chicken breasts (skinless), steamed broccoli and cauliflower, and a made a couple of baked potatoes. She hadn't planned on me coming, so we have to improvise a bit. She'd made extra chicken to take with her to work the next day, so I can eat that. There are always enough vegetables. However, I have to fend for myself on the potato. Luckily, through the wonderful technology that is the microwave, all I need is a few minutes to remedy that. 

Its funny how things can turn around in such a short time. At one time Naomi never even set foot in the kitchen long enough to know what color the wallpaper was. Now, she was practically a wiz at fixing full course healthy meals. 

As you can imagine, dinner is a somber event, at least where Naomi and I are concerned. Conversation is stilted at best between the two adults. If it wasn't for Henry trying to play games with the broccoli and having Naomi constantly correcting him, there would have been no talking at all. 

After dinner is finished and we plant Henry in the living room to be watched by our 52 inch flat screen babysitter, Naomi grabs me by the hand and leads me to the bedroom. Keeping the door cracked so that we can listen out for our child, she sits on the bed and looks up at me with imploring eyes. 

"Are you finally going to talk to me?" 

For some reason, I feel the need to make this difficult for her. Don't ask me why I have to be a douche bag. 

"What's to talk about Naomi? You fucked another guy behind my back, for weeks mind you, despite everything we had set up. You did what you wanted. Period. I've been trying to reawaken the old Naomi for months now. Well, here you are." 

"Josh..." 

"No Naomi. I don't want to hear any of your bullshit about needing freedom, or exploring your wild side again. That's what the game was supposed to do. To give you what you needed without hurting us. I bought into it because deep down, I felt safe that you would always come back to me. Even when the game pushed me past my boundaries, I always had confidence that you loved and respected me. But you know what, my eyes are wide open now. I see you for what you really are." 

Her eyes are watering up so badly that tears just stream down her face. Those fucking eyes! God, they kill me! 

"And what am I Josh? A whore? Huh? Is that what I am?" 

I want to say yes. I want to make her feel like a slut. But I know the truth. She isn't a slut. 

"No Naomi. You're not a whore. But sometimes you can be a really selfish bitch." 

She at least has the decency not to argue that point, which bodes well for her. Not that she has any leg to stand on, but it surprises me that she accepts that. This should calm me down, but it does the opposite. Her basically admitting it makes it real. 

"God damn it Naomi! We had an entire game set up to prevent this shit! I wanted to let you explore your freedom. And I liked it. THE GAME WAS FOR BOTH OF US! FOR BOTH OF US! Now I'm left feeling like a fucking dumbass who can't keep his wife in check." 

I'm pacing the room now. I notice her eyes on me, watching every step I take. Her sobs are audible now, but my indignant anger washes out any sympathy I would otherwise feel for her. 

"Did you even think about me at all?" 

Honestly, she shakes her head. That's my Naomi. Even when a self-serving lie would probably serve her better, she sticks with the truth. 

"Why Naomi? Why?" 

Her answer is loud gasping sobs. I sit on the bed next to her and listen to her cry her heart out. I don't reach out to her, I just let her get it out. 

What is it about this one affair that hurts so bad? Is it the sex? Actually, no. Naomi had been fucking other guys for months now. Not many, but enough. I know about them. It was all apart of the game. We'd actually had fun with it. But this one, this one is different. The thing that set this liaison apart from the rest is the fact that this time it wasn't about the game - OUR game. She fucked this guy on her own accord, throwing away everything that we set up to make this work for us. These two lovebirds had planned rendezvous in which they secretly did God knows what. Despite her love for me, she was willing to do that. What made him so special? 

Then, to top it all off, she kept it from me for weeks. She hid it. That was something that she NEVER did before, even when we weren't exclusive. That's the shit flavored icing on this fucked up cake. 

"What made him so special Naomi? What was so different about him that separated him from the rest?" 

She just shakes her head and continues to sob. I'm running out of gas here. Exhaustion is setting in. A week of barely sleeping but not moving is catching up to me, causing me to be lethargic. I just have one more question though; probably the most important one. 

"Naomi, do you love him?" 

************************ 

THE PAST - July 2010 - January 2013 

I noticed that my wife was coming home with amorous intent more and more. Her body was better than it'd ever been, and she felt on top of the world. Her confidence was sky high and it showed in every aspect of her life. She had that spark in her eye that I'd desperately missed. 

The clothes that she wore to work became sexier and sexier. They weren't slutty or anything like that. Naomi had way too much class to be out there overtly flaunting her assets. They were just yoga pants or shorts that showed her excellent ass, and a sports bra underneath a tank top that was cut off at the waist to show her abs. 

By the way she was coming home and victimizing my poor dick I could tell that it was greatly appreciated. 

In bed at night, I would always question her about her day. It seemed innocuous enough, but what I was really looking for was details about the many passes that the guys were making at her. Any guy with a hot wife feels some sense of pride that she is wanted by other guys. Even if it is just to say, "I have this and you don't" we men like knowing that we have something that is coveted. There is a big difference between saying "my wife is beautiful to me" and saying "damn my wife is hot" and having everyone else agree. Say what you will, but having a wife who can get any guy she wants and having her choose you instead is extremely powerful. 

When I would ask about her day, Naomi knew what I was really asking. Being the vixen that she was, she would drag it out. She'd start telling me about the uninteresting minutia of the gym. It was torture. She'd actually MAKE ME ASK if guys hit on her. 

"You sure you wanna know?" 

"Yes, I wanna know." 

"I don't knooooow...you might get jealous." 

"Naomi..." 

"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you..." 

Finally she'd tell me. Her voice would get really low and I'd have to get close to her to hear what she was saying. While she talked, her hand would snake inside of my pants and grab me softly. My breathing would increase as she slowly moved her hand up and down. 

Then, she'd slide her body down until she was eye level with my cock, yet she would stare me in the face as she was stroking me. Looking down at her face as she talked and jerked me was intoxicating. I could feel her breath on my shaft as she spoke to me. 

Next, she would lick me from balls to tip, all the while looking me straight in my eye. I would want to lean my head back and enjoy it, but I couldn't look away. I was trapped. 

The finale would be when she took me in her mouth in between sentences, essentially giving me a blowjob while she told me her story. 

"When I was showing him how to do squats..." slurp, slurp "...he purposely stood behind me so that he could look at my ass..." suck, suck "...I could see his eyes roaming over my body in the mirror..." slurp, suck "...then he tried to rub my thighs to see if he could feel the muscle..." 

By the time she was finished, I would be ready to spray. But she wouldn't let me. 

"Oh no you don't cowboy. I need this thing in me. You don't get to come until momma says you can. Got it?" 

"Yesssssss!" 

Well, momma didn't let me come until she'd had about three screaming orgasms. By the time sunlight peeked through the blinds, we'd probably had 5 hours of sleep between us. Life was good! 

It amazed me how turned on I became from her getting hit on. When I look back on it now, I realize that it wasn't really guys coming on to her that got me hot. It was the power that she had over them. Knowing that I had a wife that others wanted made me proud. 

Plus, I loved the way it turned her on. The confidence that it gave her spilled into other areas of our lives. She smiled more. The flirty twinkle in her eye was back. She even walked differently. Like an elegant cat, her movements were steady and purposeful. She was a goddess. She was MY goddess. 

For a couple of years, things were looking really good. We were really happy. Henry was growing up, we had jobs that we liked, and we were loving and passionate with each other. 

The day of conception of the idea of the game started with us using the guys flirting with her at the gym to spark our own desire, but we officially created "The Game" about two and a half years later, on our 6th anniversary. We were at this upscale Italian restaurant. Naomi was really feeling herself because she'd bought a new cocktail dress that hugged her waist, cupped her breasts, and accentuated her toned legs. It was backless, so she didn't have on a bra. I also knew personally that her thong left little to the imagination. All and all, she felt like the goddess that she was. 

I noticed that the owner of the restaurant made a point of coming over to our table and personally introducing himself to us. He kissed Naomi's hand and she smiled at him seductively. She was in flirt mode, and he was lost in her power. 

Over the course of the evening, I kept an eye on him. He always kept looking in our direction. I somehow doubted that he found me all that captivating, so my only conclusion was that he couldn't take his eyes off of my wife. 

This did not escape her attention. She was shooting him flirty glances over my shoulder. 

"Honey, that guy keeps looking at me and undressing me with his eyes." 

I chuckled. "Really? Whew! I was starting to get nervous. I thought that he was checking me out." 

She giggled and threw a napkin at me. 

"I bet I can get this meal for free." 

I was intrigued. "Really? You think so?" 

She smiled at me and nodded, her eyes flashing with excitement. I'm sure my own mirrored hers. I pulled a one dollar bill out of my pocket and placed it in the center of the table. 

"That dollar says you can't." 

Knowing what a competitive streak she has, I knew that she wouldn't resist. I was right! She was absolutely amped! A playful smile played on her lips as a look of defiance crossed her face. Message received: challenge accepted! 

She slowly slid her chair back, got up and sashayed over to him. I saw his eyes light up from across the room when he saw her approaching him. I sat back and watched, sipping my wine. 

I don't know what she was saying to him, but I could read the body language. She turned her power on full force. Even from across the room I could see that she was a force to be reckoned with. He was lost in her presence. 

Then, he hooked his arm as she grabbed it. The two of them walked towards the back of the restaurant. I began to be alarmed. I was about to get up and go with them, but she shot me a smile over her shoulder as he led her through the doors. 

For the next fifteen minutes, I was a whirlwind of emotion. A flurry of questions barraged me. What was happening? Why did they leave? What was she doing back there with him? 

My imagination started to run away with me. In my mind's eye, I saw my wife on her knees preparing to wrap her luscious lips around his erect cock. I reeled as I saw her giving him the mother of all blowjobs. I saw his head leaned back, his hands on her crown as she slurped him to conclusion. Oh my god! Would she let him cum in her mouth? 

My jealousy raged. My stomach ached. My head spun. I found it difficult to stay seated. 

I was curious. I was jealous. I was angry. I was thrilled, I was worried. All at once. 

But there was something else too. Yes, I couldn't believe it. I was turned on! No, I didn't have an erection like some school kid. But I was getting hot. 

I think the fact that I didn't know what was going on was erotic. I knew that my wife loved me, but I didn't know what lengths she would go through to win the bet. Deep down, I knew that she would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. Yet, there was that nugget of chance. 

That's what had me on the edge of my seat. That chance. That small window of uncertainty. 

About fifteen minutes later, the two of them returned just as they'd walked out. As he led her back to the table, I inspected her. Was her hair disheveled? Was her dress on crooked? Was her makeup smudged. I'm not sure what feeling washed over me as I concluded that she looked just as put together as when she'd left. It was a mixture of extreme relief and anticlimactic disappointment. Why would I be disappointed? I certainly didn't want her to sleep with the guy. 

"Thank you for the tour of the kitchen Antonio. You have a wonderful restaurant." 

"The pleasure was all mine." He said as he kissed her hand. She blushed at his attention. 

"And thank you for that recipe. I'll be sure to try it out for my husband." 

It was like dousing a hot frying pan in water. I saw him visibly flinch when she mentioned me. Looking slightly disenchanted, he turned to me and gave me a stilted nod, as if he were forced to acknowledge that I was there. 

"You have a stunning wife sir. You are truly a lucky guy." 

She beamed as I gave him a nod in return. "I know I am. And thank you for giving her that recipe. I'm sure that I'll be enjoying it really soon." 

Take that asshole! There was a certain sadistic pleasure that I took watching him walk away as if he were defeated. 

"Come along dear. We should get going." She said as she smiled impishly. She gathered her purse and coat as we prepared to leave. Very coyly, she grabbed the dollar from the middle of the table and inspected it like she were checking to see if it was counterfeit. "By the way, Antonio was kind enough to comp our meal." 

END OF PART THREE 

*** 

As usual I want to thank my editor for such a great job that he did. Nonethewiser worked hard helping me wade through a very complicated story. With all of the time changes and flashbacks, it was pretty jumbled in its early stages. He helped me sort through it all and come up with this. He may not have agreed with all of my choices for this story, but he worked hard regardless. 

For those who have at least given me the benefit of the doubt and are still with me, I hope you will see that this story is more complex than the average "cuckold" story. I used the cuckold theme as a plot device to get to know the characters, but I didn't want it to consume underlying. Beneath the games that these two play there is real struggle to figure out what is important in love and marriage. Most of us who are married have gone through the setbacks that my couple are going through. You may have handled them differently, but every marriage has to find a way to survive on its own. That is why there are only two people taking vows, not everyone else. 

Hopefully you will stick with it until the end. I think that you will be surprised. At least I hope so. Only one way to find out. 

Next I have to credit another author. He is a well-known cuckold writer named Xleglover. I had to borrow a plot device that he uses in his stories. Those who are familiar with his tales know "The Game". I needed it because if fit what I wanted my characters to go through. My characters play a different game than his "Mike and Jen", but I still have to give credit where it is due. So there it is. 

Thank you for reading.



To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 04



***Author's note: 

I want to apologize to all of the people who emailed me and told me that they were fans of the story, as well as the ones who didn't email me. I know that the wait was long for this next chapter. I recently got hurt doing something stupid involving a football and a bunch of 20 year olds. My wife keeps telling me that I should act my age. Maybe one day I will listen (Who am I kidding? Men, do we ever listen?). My flash drive was at my job, but I hadn't been there for a while because I was laid up. When I was finally able to go, I had a lot of catch up work to do. Uncle Sam likes his shit done pronto, no matter if I am hurt or not. Anyone with a government job or contract can concur with this. 

On top of that, I got a nasty virus on my laptop that took me a couple of days to eradicate. 

I thank all of you who emailed me to let me know that you enjoyed the story. With all of the negative publicity I did wonder. 

I also wanted to thank the observation of FD45 that he made in Chapter 3. I was taking the attacks on Naomi personally, mostly because I was her at some point. I didn't realize it until he pointed it out. I never defended Josh, and he was bashed more than Naomi. Yet I vehemently asked questions regarding what she did or didn't do that was so wrong. Very curious. Thank you for that insight FD45. 

As for the rest of you, you guys are awesome. Whether you love the story or hate it, you still give me the courtesy of reading it and getting involved with your feedback. Honestly, I post stories on this site for that very reason. The scores are only a mouse-click. The comments and emails are personal thoughts that people take time out of their day to write. They are much appreciated. I tried to answer all of the emails, but they were too numerous. If I didn't respond to your email, I apologize. 

On another note, I made a mistake earlier. I said that there would be seven chapters. There are really six. 

BRIEF SYNOPSIS OF CHAPTER THREE: 

THE PAST: Josh and Naomi finally embarked on a relationship that actually led to marriage. Their road had a lot of growing and compromising before them, but they worked hard at it and were rewarded with a loving partnership. 

Naomi gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. While they loved Henry without limits, this joy came at a price. Naomi wasn't able to lose the weight that she'd gained from a rough pregnancy. This had a domino effect on her overall personality and she soon became someone that her husband was not attracted to. 

A loving gesture that went awry started them on the path towards September 2015. Naomi started to lose the weight that she'd gained. Shedding the cocoon, her inner butterfly started to emerge. She became more confident. Since that confidence was the source of her overall appeal, her sexuality started to return. 

Josh capitalized on this newfound glory. He searched for ways to fan the flames. He was desperate for the old Naomi to return to him. Be careful what you wish for. 

On their anniversary, they began a game that would ultimately amp their sex life up to new levels. It started with a dollar bet that Naomi couldn't flirt with the owner of a restaurant that they were at and get their meal for free. Testing the true capabilities of her "power", she took the bet. And won. 

THE PRESENT Josh returned to the real world. He felt revitalized. He was soon able to deal with the problem directly. Finally returning home, he confronted Naomi to get some much-needed answers. 

PART FOUR 

STILL IN THE PAST - January 2013 - 6th Anniversary 

I was all over her in the car. We sat in the parking lot of the restaurant necking like we were high school kids at a make out point. My hands traced her body as I breathed in her sweet aroma. One of her hands was on the back of my neck as she cradled me into hers. The other hand was desperately trying to loosen up my pants. 

"Why is your belt so fucking tight?" She moaned impatiently. Sharing her frustration, I took a break and unclasped the buckle. Immediately her hand snaked its way down to what she craved. 

"Oh my God you are fucking hard!" She gasped and she wrapped her fingers around my rigid erection. I could only groan in response. 

"Okay Josh. Get off me. Get me home and fuck me please?" 

I had other wicked ideas. My hand made its way up her dress until I found her sopping wet thong. Very carefully, I grasped it and started sliding it down. 

"Josh! What are you doing?" 

Completely ignoring her, I continued to pull it down until it was at her knees. She leaned her head back and opened her legs up as far as the thong would let her. 

My fingers found her hot opening. I swear I could practically feel steam coming from it. I inserted one, finger, then two, and began working them along the inside. When I reached her G spot, she started moaning. With my thumb, I found her clit and began massaging that. Her moans increased to guttural groans. 

"Fuck Josh! Keep doing that!" 

By now her thong was stretched past the point of ever being usable again as she had her knees straining against the thin material. Her hips lifted off of the seat and began bucking wildly in the air. She was so wet that I could hear the sloshing sounds that her pussy was making as I fingered her to an explosive orgasm. 

"I'm cumming Josh. Don't you fucking stop! I'm cumming!" 

Her wish was my command. By now I was working my fingers so fast that my wrist began to hurt, but I didn't care. I needed to see her cum. 

And cum she did. When it hit her, her body went rigid as she screamed out. At that point, I didn't give a fuck who was in the parking lot, or whether they were watching or not. I was mesmerized by watching my wife's convulsing body. I could feel her thighs quivering on my hand. 

With my free hand, I pulled her thong completely off. She was still coming down from her high, so she barely noticed that she was now panty less. I placed it on the dashboard like a trophy as I climbed across the car into her seat. 

"Josh. What the hell are you doing? You're not seriously going to fuck me right here are you?" 

I answered her by finding the latch to recline her seat into the horizontal position. She splayed her legs open giving me enough room to slide in between them. Her left heel hooked into the steering wheel and she put her right foot on my shoulder. She wasn't even pretending to resist anymore. We were both lost in the sea of lust. The only thing that could have stopped this from happening would have been a cop banging on the window, and even that was debatable. 

I lined my achingly hard cock up and slid into the place that my fingers were moments earlier. The wet warmth welcomed me in as it wrapped around my member. 

"Goddammit Naomi! You're so wet! God you feel good." 

I pumped my hips in rhythm with hers. Her hands wrapped around my neck as she pulled me in for a kiss. Our tongues wrestled for a moment until I had to break away. I needed my concentration to be channeled to my hips. 

"Fuck me Josh. Do to me what Antonio wants to do." 

The mere mention of his name fired me up. Yes, I was doing what he wishes he were doing. I was outside fucking the shit out of my beautiful wife while he was in that restaurant, probably still thinking about her. This turned me on. Big time. 

My woman, asshole. Not yours! You can only wish you were me. 

I couldn't hold out for long on that thought. Luckily, Naomi was really close to another one. Her nails dug into me as she sped her hips up. The sound of slapping skin permeated the car as it shook in rhythm to our coupling. 

When I felt her spasm again, I knew I was free to release myself. I couldn't stop from letting out an animalistic howl as I felt myself spurting gobs of cum deep into her. 

Once I was able to return to this solar system, I looked into Naomi's face as I heard her giggling. I noticed that she wasn't looking at me, but past me. My heart almost stopped as she gave a wave over my shoulder. 

What the... I thought as I whipped my head around. Through the foggy windshield my eyes locked on an elderly couple that stared back at me with their mouths hanging open. My gaze returned to Naomi as we shared a laugh. 

"Do you think they saw us?" I whispered. She giggled again and said, "Uh, yeah!" 

Later on that night, we laid in bed and snuggled. Henry was spending some quality time with his favorite (only) aunt, so we had the evening to ourselves. 

"What did you do with him?" I asked casually. Naomi looked up at me. 

"Do what with who?" 

I felt a flash of annoyance that she was pretending to not know what the hell I was talking about, but when I looked at her I saw that she was genuinely confused. 

"Antonio. At the restaurant. When you went to the back with him, what did you do?" 

A smile crept across her lips. "Josh, are you jealous?" she asked coyly as I felt her hand creeping down my stomach. 

"No. Just curious." I croaked, trying to sound casual. But let's be real. I was lying through my fucking teeth. I was jealous as hell! 

It wasn't just that though. There was something else that I couldn't get a fix on. 

That jealous feeling that I had was making me feel excited. No, I didn't want Naomi to fuck that guy. Not really. At least I didn't think so. But that fifteen minutes when I was unsure of what she was doing, or just how long she'd be gone, that was intoxicating! It was the most erotic rush I'd had in a long time. I guess that's what they call cuckold angst. Intellectually, I couldn't make sense of that feeling, or figure out whether it was good or bad. But for some reason it turned me on. Go figure. 

"Just curious, huh?" She said as she felt my little guy who wanted to come out and play again. 

"Tell me." I said with more force than I meant to. It sounded like a command mixed with lust. Yes, I was turned on! Might as well be honest about it. 

I was only wearing boxers, so she was easily able to free me from the hiding place. She slid down until she was eye level with my crotch. She knew what this did to me. Slowly, her hands started pumping. 

"Weeeeeell, if you must know, it was almost completely innocent." 

Almost? 

"He gave me a tour around the kitchen and I got to meet the chef who prepared our meal. As I was complimenting the chef I felt Antonio..." 

Her voice trailed off as she gazed my reaction. I was gone. She'd officially taken my brain out of my skull and reinserted it in my ball sack. 

"He what?" 

"I felt him rubbing my lower back, and then...my butt." 

"What the fuck!" I practically screamed. But there was no anger in my voice. Anger was gone. The only thing that I felt was lust. 

"Yeah" she said with a little more confidence. "He started to rub my butt. I think he thought I didn't have any panties on because he couldn't feel the thong. All he felt were ass cheeks." 

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I yelled out as cum shot out of my dick. It surprised both of us, but she got the bigger surprise as some of it hit her in the face. The rest of it dribbled onto her hand like melted ice cream. 

She went to the bathroom to clean up as I laid there, feeling completely drained. She returned with a wet rag and cleaned me up. 

"You let him grope you?" I asked with less lust. I began thinking like a jealous husband again instead of a horny teen. We all know that once you cum, your minds clears of the lust that clouded your vision moments before and you see things differently. No question about it. You go from being horny to human. 

"I didn't let him grope me, but I didn't stop him either. I just moved out of the way." She answered honestly. 

"But he felt enough to think that you didn't have any panties on?" 

"Yeah." 

I chewed on this for a moment. I could tell she was trying to figure out what I was thinking. Hell, I didn't even know exactly what I felt. I should have been angrier, shouldn't I? I was a little jealous, sure, but not angry. 

"Well, it worked." I finally said. She breathed a small sigh of relief. 

"I really wanted that dollar." 

****************************** 

THE PRESENT - September 2015 

"Naomi, do you love him?" 

Nothing else matters. This question is the one that had plagued me for the last week. As I sat in Trina's basement consumed by the misery of my thoughts, that was the one that kept me awake. 

"Oh my God Josh! No I don't love him! I don't love him at all!" 

I look up at the ceiling in disgust. If she starts with the "It's just about the sex" cliché I'd read so often in those stories, there is a good possibility that I could be going to jail tonight for spousal abuse. 

"I don't love him. I...I don't even like him all that much." You could have knocked me over with a feather when I heard that. 

"So you want me to believe that you snuck behind my back, fucked a guy for WEEKS, and you don't even like him? 

"It's the truth Josh, whether you believe it or not." 

I rub my fingers into the temples on my head as I try to quell the headache that is threatening to come on. Naomi sits across the room on the bed, looking up at me. 

"Naomi, are you still seeing him? Have you been with him since you told me?" I asked, afraid of what the answer might be. 

"No! Of course not, Josh. I am so ashamed and afraid. No. I have not been with him! I promise. You have to believe me!" She answered immediately and decisively. 

If you have been with me from the beginning of this tale, then you would have to agree with me on one fact. Naomi is no liar. If she says something was the truth, I am inclined to believe her. She hasn't lied yet. 

But there is always a first time. I'm not naïve you know. Well, not completely naïve, anyway. 

"So why? Why did you risk it for a guy that you didn't like? Did he have a big dick? Did you cum a lot? What made him so special?" 

"I DON'T KNOW JOSH! I DON'T KNOW! He didn't have an abnormally big dick. And you know that's not the only thing that's important to me. For some reason I couldn't stop meeting him. There was something there that I couldn't put my finger on. It was just...I don't know what it was." 

"Did he make you cum?" She nods her head sadly and suddenly can't look me in the eyes. 

"Was it a lot?" I ask softly, not really wanting to know. But I pretty much know the answer to that one. Once again she gives me the affirmative. 

We both sit in relative silence. Well, I am silent. Naomi is alternating between crying loudly and softly. 

"Why are you crying mommy?" An innocent voice queries from the hallway, breaking through our bubble of misery. Both of our heads shoot in the direction to find our son wiping his eyes sleepily. 

I'd completely forgotten that Henry was watching tv in the living room. Henry is such a good kid that at times you forget that he is even in the room. He doesn't throw temper tantrums or command attention. All you need is something to distract him and he will take care of himself. 

Forgetting her own pain, Naomi immediately jumps into mommy mode. 

"Mommy's okay sweetie. Just a little tired, that's all. Its getting late. You should be in bed." 

His eyes started to tear up. "I don't wanna go to bed mommy. I..I'm scared." 

"Is it the witch again?" 

Henry pouts and nods by bobbing his head up and down like small children at that age do. Kind of an exaggerated nod that was both cute and heartbreaking. 

For some time now, Henry has had nightmares about a witch. Trina's kids were watching "Insidious" one night (she didn't know) when Henry was over there. They didn't realize that he was in the room until he'd seen about 10 minutes. That was enough to fuel him with nightmares for the following two weeks. 

"'Would you like mommy to lay with you for a while?" 

The nod again. Naomi glances back at me as if she were asking permission to put this conversation on hold. A silent message passes between us and she disappears with our son in tow. 

With the small reprieve from this gut wrenching dialogue, I am able to sit back and process what happened here. The general synopsis of the facts is that my wife has been covertly meeting a man with the purpose of having sex behind my back for weeks despite our having a way through which she could freely have sex with him. 

This is where things get confusing. If she was in love with him, or there was something special about him, I could understand that. It would hurt like hell, but I could at least put a logical explanation to it. But according to her that isn't the case. She doesn't even like him. But for some reason he gives her countless orgasms. Something about their "relationship" made their tryst worth the risk. 

There is a missing piece somewhere. Either she is lying for the first time in our marriage, or there is some part of my wife that is fed by sex with this guy that I can't give her. Neither option is favorable. Both of them have serious implications about our future together. 

About thirty minutes later Naomi returns from caring for our son. She looks a lot calmer. Her eyes are still puffy, but she looks prepared for round two. 

"What are you thinking Josh? Are you going to leave me and Henry?" 

Up until this moment of truth, I wasn't sure what I wanted. The part of me that wants to assert my manhood tells me to throw the bitch out in the most hurtful way possible. Yet my true heart won't let me do that. Deep down I know that a few months of chest pounding pride won't make it worth the inevitable lifetime of loneliness and regret. At least not after she answered the two most important questions - did she love him and was it over - the right way. This at least gives us something to build on. 

I've been told that the two worst words of an old man is "what if". I don't want to look back over the course of my life and have those words be the mantra of a life lived with reservations. "What if" I gave up too soon? "What if" I had stayed and fought? "What if" I tried to understand why she did what she did before making the decision to walk out of the door? "What if" we could have found a way to move forward together? 

"No Naomi. I'm not leaving you. But we have a serious problem that we have to fix." 

Relief seems to wash over her entire body as I see her visibly ease its tension. She quickly closes the gap between us as she rushes over to me and wraps her arms around my waist, smashing her face into my chest. I let her hug me close but don't put any effort into returning the sentiment. That may be conveying a message of absolution, and that's not on the table - not yet, anyway. 

I pull her away so that I can look into her face. I need her to see me and understand where I am coming from when I say this next part. 

"I need to know what happened Naomi. I don't know what went wrong, and I need to figure that out. I'm a technician. One thing I know is that you can't solve the symptoms. You have to find the problem. That is the only way to keep it from happening again. " 

"I know Josh. While you were at Trina's house, I have done nothing but think about it. That's why I set up an appointment with a marriage counselor. I want to talk about all of the shit in my head. I have so many fucked up thoughts running around up there. I can't sort them out." 

"What kind of thoughts have you been thinking Naomi?" 

I watch her face turn contemplative. She can no longer look me in the eyes. 

"Lately, I just feel, I don't know, restless. Anxious maybe. I just feel that something isn't right with me, but I can't place it." 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 04



"Are you discontent with me? With Henry?" 

"No Josh. Not you. I love my two boys. I have a great husband who understands me better than I could ever dream of, and a sweet son that lights up my world. You guys are my heart. The discontentment that I feel lately is more about me. I don't know what I'm feeling, but I feel like there is something missing with me. I just don't know what it is." 

"Does it have anything to do with the game?" 

She looks thoughtful for a minute. 

"I don't think the game caused it, but I started feeling things the more we got into it. Feelings that I had when I was younger. Things that I buried when we decided to make a life together." 

It suddenly hits me that there are parts of Naomi that I know nothing of. As close as I am to her, there are places inside of her that I have never been. She keeps those places guarded so well that I hardly realized that they were there. However, no one can hide who they are forever. 

"When is your first counseling session?" 

"Thursday." 

I nod my head. "Well, I guess I better let Tom know that I'll be gone part of that day." 

*************************** 

THE PAST - December 2013 

Things had settled out for about a year. Naomi had taken on more hours at the gym because Jerry had quit. His full time job was demanding more of his time and he couldn't balance the two. He still came to the gym regularly to work out, but he was no longer on the payroll. 

With Jerry gone Naomi quickly became a hot commodity. I mean that in more ways than being nice to look at. She stepped up big time and filled the void that Jerry left. She was seriously helping people reach their exercise goals. The staff and the clients both felt that hiring her was the best decision they could have made. I was very proud of her. 

This was also the time that I got my promotion. Tom, who had been my boss, now needed help. The workload was beginning to pick up, so the company had to hire five more technicians. Tom felt that with the added people and the increasing workload that he would need help. He recommended to "the powers that be" that our shop be split into teams. When it was approved, Tom suggested that I be promoted to run the other team. I was hard working, knowledgeable, and had been there longer than most of the others. 

This new structure took a couple of months to iron out, but it rapidly started yielding results. Customers were happier because we were able to respond faster to their needs. Our shop became more organized and was run more efficiently and overall we were working less overtime. We soon became the model that the other departments were trying to emulate. As I said before, Tom and I work well together. 

As far as my sex life with Naomi, it was fucking awesome! Her confidence was in the stratosphere. This affected how she acted with me. She initiated often, she was vocal, and she was wanton. I had to stuff her panties in her mouth a few times to keep her from waking Henry up. I will tell you this, there is no bigger rush than fucking your wife with her own panties stuffed in her mouth. 

The game had taken a life of its own and turbocharged our sexual relationship. We were experimenting with the full power of Naomi's sexuality. It is a good thing that we were only betting with dollars. If I had made that first bet with a $10 bill instead of one, I would have been forced to take a second job just to pay her. 

I became amazed at my observance of how dumb we guys can be. I mean really. One flash of cleavage or leg and men were practically putty in our hands. I say our hands because everything that they did for Naomi benefited me. 

For instance, she got me out of a speeding ticket. I mean a big one! I was doing 90 in a 65 and a cop pulled me over as if he had been waiting for this chance all day. Naomi told me to give her my wallet. Confused, I did as she told me. Then she slowly slipped a dollar out of it and put it in her bra. I grinned at her as she said, "Don't worry dear. I'll handle this." With that she got out of the car and walked back to his cruiser. 

Handle it she did. By the time we parted ways with the cop he'd downgraded my rather expensive ticket to a "stern warning" to watch my speed. In return for not giving me a ticket, I pretended not to notice the fact that he slipped Naomi his phone number. 

The bets got more daring. She really got off on that. I'll give you an example. We had a Saturday to ourselves because Jerry was taking my sister and her kids to the amusement park. They were kind enough to include Henry in that. Though Henry was too small to ride any of the rides, Trina recognized that Naomi and I needed a day. She asked Jerry to include him. With their generosity, my wife and I decided to have a nice lunch and go for a walk in the park. As we pulled up, I put a dollar on the dashboard told what she had to do in order to win it. 

For starters, she had to take her panties and bra off right there and give them to me. She was safely in the confines of the car so that was child's play. However, I had not won a bet yet and I was going for broke. She was wearing a rather short sundress that buttoned up in the front, so the next thing that she had to fulfill was she had to open it one button too many so that her bra (if she were wearing one) would show. Of course without the bra all she needed was one wrong movement and voila - wardrobe malfunction extraordinaire. 

Furthermore, her dress was very thin. If she stood in front of a light source, everyone would get a good idea what her legs looked like all the way up. If they looked close enough, they would also see that she was sans culotte. 

The final part of the bet was that she had to go the entire day without adjusting her dress once. 

She figured that she could just make restricted movements and be mindful of where she was to be safe. But, as I anticipated when I made the bet, there was a slight wind. While you would hardly notice it in normal circumstances, for her it was torture. Every time the wind blew, she stiffened up. Her nipples were protruding quite obscenely and it seemed that the embarrassment only fueled her lust. I was pretty lustful too. It's a good thing my pants weren't too tight. I would have had to hold a book in front of my crotch all day. 

She was very careful with her movements, so nothing "popped out". However, I planned to change that. I was either going to win this bet or my wife was going to flash someone. Either way it was a win for me. 

I set out a blanket and asked her to sit. While she would have normally adjusted her dress under her and been fine, she couldn't do that. She gave me a wide-eyed look that said, YOU BASTARD! 

Lets just say that between the wind, the sitting position, and a careless husband that kept "mistakenly" flicking her dress, there were quite a few guys and a couple of elderly couples who got a good look at what she was barely hiding. If there were kids around, I would have preserved her modesty for her. But if not... 

Against all odds, she won the bet. But so did I. I was so horny from the display and her pussy was so moist that I didn't last long at all when I finally ravaged her. I had to finish her off with her dildo and my mouth to give her an orgasm when I was done. 

The game had an amazing effect on us. We were spending more and more time with each other. We made time for each other. Before we started this, we found it hard to squeeze alone time. But now, we couldn't get enough of each other. We were having fun. It was good 

She would call me at work just to say hi. She sent texts messages telling me how much she missed me. She even grabbed me around the waist when my back was to her and told me that she loved me so much, and that she would be lost without me. Because or her aversion to saying the "L" word, this was significant. 

The best memory that I have is when she showed up at my job one day. My team and I had a long day ahead of us because of inventory. I told her that I would be late that night because the numbers were not matching up and we had to go through all of our logs, stock, and invoices for an entire month to figure out the discrepancies. She sounded disappointed when I told her. She asked me if I'd eaten that day, and I told her that I would try to grab a bite when I had a moment. 

Apparently, that was not good enough for her. Because of my diabetes, Naomi is always on me about my diet, and she always makes sure that I eat. 

About 45 minutes after I hung up with her, she called back. I was a little irritated with her because of the amount of work that was ahead, but that disappeared when she told me that she was in the parking lot and she needed help carrying the food that she had brought. When I went there to help her, I saw that she brought four large pizzas and some drinks. 

"Josh, you need to eat. I don't care how much work you have to do. Take a break." 

I was about to object, but I saw her face go into a pout. 

"Besides, I miss you. You're going to be late coming home. At least let me spend an hour with you." 

That break boosted my team's moral. For an hour, my wife sat with us and hung out. The entire time she sat on my lap. She was flirtatious, but not overly so. Her charm had every one of my guys eating out of her hand. 

She talked to the guys, telling them how great of a husband I was. My team looked at me with envy from then on. I even overheard a couple of them talking about what a lucky fucker I was for going home to that every night. I could not have agreed more! 

She also got me to go to the gym. She sold me on the fact that I could see guys hitting on her first hand instead of just hearing about it later. I suspect that her real goal was to get me to work out. She saw the pouch developing over my midsection, so she used my lust to manipulate me into doing something good for me. I told you guys were stupid! I was no exception to that rule. 

We decided that as part of our game, we would not tell people at the gym that I was her husband. It was just some weird coincidence that we had the same last name. I was just another horny client who needed instruction. 

On the days I was there, she was in full flirt mode. I would catch her shooting glances at me when she would let a guy rub his hands on her muscles to "feel the tension". Or when she had to help the guy get into the right position by rubbing her hands all over his body. 

Those nights she would tell me to do all of the things that those guys wished they could do. Then she let me do them. 

Life settled into this wonderful new norm for about a year. Then came the night that the nature of the game changed, throwing us into a world where the line between love and lust blurred. 

It started out innocently enough. Naomi had a friend named Jasmine who was getting married. My wife was a bridesmaid. The wedding was going to be in a location that was special to the couple, and it was about three hours away from our town. It was a fairly easy trip to make, so there was no hardship. The wedding was on Sunday, but the bachelorette party was on Friday so she wanted Naomi there then. 

My partner Tom had a family emergency and had to take a few days off at the last minute, so I was left picking up the slack. I had a lot of work to finish up on Friday. Since I did not know any of the guys that were going to be in this wedding, I didn't really feel as though my presence at the bachelor party, which was also on Friday, would be missed. Naomi and I discussed things and the new plan was for her to drive up there, hang out with her friends, and I would join her later on that night when I finished up. 

She left, giving me loving kisses and telling me to hurry and join her. When I told her to be good, she said, "I'll try. There will probably be a hung stripper there rubbing a piece of man meat all over me. You had better get there quickly. No telling what I may do if you make me wait!" 

We all know what Murphy's Law says. Apparently, one of Tom's team members (new guy) made a rather costly mistake and it needed to be addressed ASAP. I did not want to bother Tom, so I took a trip down to the site to talk to the customer. Since it was a guy that I had a rapport with from my "field tech" days, I was able to smooth things out. I worked with the new tech to make the necessary changes and show him what he had done wrong. Unfortunately, when I was finally able to return to the office I was left with two choices. I could stay there until the wee hours in the morning to finish my paperwork or I could get up early on Saturday and work until about noon. I chose the latter. 

When I finally made it home, I tried called Naomi on her cell but she didn't pick up. I left a message on her voicemail telling her the situation. A little bit later, I realized that she probably wouldn't even check her voicemail, so I sent her a text telling her to call me because there was a change of plans. 

About 20 minutes later a rather drunk Naomi called me back, and I could tell that she was having a VERY good time. I could not help but to become amused at how drunk she was. Her speech wasn't slurred or incomprehensible, but she was speaking way too loudly and saying things she would normally not say. Things took a turn though. 

"Josh, I need you here. I am so fucking horny from looking at all of these delicious men. I need a cock in me NOW!" 

"Delicious looking men?" 

I felt that angst. Sure, some jealousy started to surface, but there was a little excitement there too. I was trying to figure out a bet to trigger the game and make sure my wife was dripping for me when I got there, but in her drunken stupor, she had already made the next move. 

"All of these dicks in my face. And they taste so GOOD!" 

Suddenly, everything stopped. Well, except for my heart, which could have gotten a ticket for breaking the speed limit had a Doppler gun been pointed at it. 

"They taste good? What do you mean by that?" 

"You know what I mean baby." She cooed seductively. 

I was beside myself. The tornado of feelings were rushing through. Anger and jealousy were swirling around with arousal and lust, completely confusing me. Words choked up in my throat 

"You put them in your mouth?" I was finally able to get my mouth to say. She giggled and said, "We all did, honey." 

I don't know what I felt at that moment. Anger? Yes, I was fucking angry at that point. I was angry with her, but not as angry as one would think. I found that a bit curious. The anger was more directed towards the situation. I was angry with Tom for taking time off. I was angry at the distance between us for being too far away for me to get there to her. But I was mostly angry at the fact that I had a wife who was so juicy at that moment that I would simply sink into heaven when I entered her, and I was unable to do anything about it. 

She went on. "There is one called the Italian Stallion. He is so fucking sexy. And he is a BIG boy. We are trying to see who can make him cum. He keeps switching off to the next girl before she gets a good rhythm going. I think he is trying to hold out." 

That's when lust took over my better judgment. This was the moment when I allowed the game to reach its new level. The moment when I made a decision and let it all go off of the rails. 

"I have a dollar that says that you can't make him cum with your mouth." 

PRESENT DAY - September 2015 

Thursday is finally here. This is the day of our first appointment with the counselor. Naomi and I sit together on a leather couch in a surprisingly comfortable office. I notice the soft music playing in the background. All around me, the office is splashed with color from various plants. There are even a couple of paintings on the wall to match the decorum set off by the plants and furniture. Overall, someone went through great lengths to make this place as pleasant as possible. 

I do not mean to be sexist, but the moment that I was led into the office by the receptionist, I knew that our Dr. Carter was a woman. No man would put this much care into decorating an office like this. Men's offices tend to be a reflection of our achievements. It is as if we are bragging about our lives through the items that we display. This office seems to be completely about comfort and relaxation. It is pleasing to the eye and very soothing 

Naomi and I are understandably nervous. We tabled our discussion of her affair for the time being and figured we would save it for the professional. We were getting nowhere on our own so we called a temporary truce and waited. We had been cordial to each other throughout the week, but it was a chilly politeness. There was hardly any affection. 

I hear voices on the other side of the door. Two voices, both female. A slim woman swings open the door and she smiles warmly as her eyes take us in. I have to mentally applaud myself at my deductive skills in correctly assessing her sex. "Elementary" is one of my favorite shows. Naomi and I watch Dr. Carter enter and stand in front of us. 

"Well hello there Naomi and Joshua!" She says cheerily, as if she has been dying to see us all day. She extends her hand and front of me, which I take and shake. She repeats the gesture with Naomi. 

"My name is Dr. Carter, but I would really like the two of you to call me Beth." We nod to her as she takes her seat across from us. She quickly crosses her legs and places three notepads on her knee. 

Beth looks to be about in her mid fifties. She is very small and somewhat attractive in an older "Ally McBeal" kind of way. Her sincere smile seems to be a permanent fixture, like it's just another part of her face. Her voice is soft, but assertive. She is a perfect blend of professional and friendly. 

"Okay, so before we get into what brought the three of us here, let me tell you about myself. My name is Dr. Bethany Carter and I have been a counselor for 22 years. The last twelve years I have been working as a marriage counselor. I have seen and heard it all, so I can honestly tell you that nothing you say will shock me." 

She pauses and looks at us, as if she is waiting for some kind of acknowledgement or response. Naomi and I both nod our heads, indicating that we understand. 

"On a personal note, I have been married to the same wonderfully frustrating man for 28 years. He is my first and only husband. I made him promise that if I died before him, that he would follow me into the grave. It took me years to iron out his rough edges, and I'll be damned if I'll let some other woman reap the rewards of my hard work!" 

This gets a laugh from both of us. Beth's overall amiable demeanor puts me at ease. I can also feel Naomi loosen up next to me. 

"Now I will let you know my role here as well as some ground rules. For one, I am not here to fix your marriage. I cannot do that. Anyone who claims that they can is either lying or has delusions of grandeur about their abilities. The only two people that can save or end your marriage are you. My only role here is to foster an environment in which the three of us can communicate openly and honestly. Together we will take this journey and see where we end up. Sound good?" 

We once again nod. 

Hearing Beth say that she can't save our marriage takes me for a loop. I honestly did not expect to hear her say that. I always just assumed that counselors have all of the answers to get us where we need to go. 

However, it actually makes me feel a little better. I had just assumed that Beth and Naomi would spend an hour trying to talk me into forgiving and moving on. Now, with that statement, I feel as if there is no pressure on me to make this right. I do not have to defend how I feel. We can just talk. 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 04



"Good. Now rule number one is that we LISTEN. That means that only one of us talks at a time. No interrupting. If you have a question, you will write it down on a pad that I will give you and you will ask it only when I give you the go-ahead. Number two is that we will only use language in here that will help us in our journey. So that means no name-calling, no unnecessary swearing, and no belittling each other. We are all intelligent adults and we can find words that will convey our feelings without resorting to juvenile tactics. Okay?" 

Of course, the only thing we could do is nod in agreement again. 

"Awesome. Let's get started. Here are pads for the two of you. Pens are on the table in front of you. Now Josh, I would like to start by hearing from you. I am very interested in hearing your perception about how we came to be here today." 

******************************* 

THE PAST - December 2013 

I could hardly keep my mind focused on the monotonous paperwork that I had to do. All night I had dreams that Naomi was sucking a large dick of some buff stripper and being sprayed with cum. I tried to text her a few times, but I didn't get a reply. That sent my imagination even further into overdrive. 

Did she really suck a guy's dick? 

Did she make him cum? 

Did she sneak off with him away from everyone else and fuck him? 

Why won't she answer my texts? Is that a good sign or a bad one? 

I finally decided that there was no way that I would get any sleep, so I got up and started my work. The sooner I started the sooner I'd finish and the faster I could get some answers. 

I was on the road by 10 in the morning. I made the three-hour trip in two hours and thirty-two minutes. Jeff Gordon would have been proud. 

When I made it to the hotel and got my key from the front desk, I was panicked when I didn't find Naomi in our room. I frantically fished my phone out of my pocket and texted her. 

Made it. Where r u 

The five minutes that it took her to reply were the longest ever. It finally chimed. 

Hanging out with Jasmine. On my way up. 

I didn't know what I would find when she came up. I was on pins and needles. When she opened the door and we locked eyes, I took her in. She still looked like my Naomi. She didn't look like she'd been getting gangbanged all night. 

"Hey hun." She said as she grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me in for a wet kiss. "I missed you last night" 

"Did you Naomi?" I asked. It sounded a little accusatory, which wasn't what I wanted it to sound like. She stiffened up and looked at me for a moment with slight confusion. I smiled at her to set her at ease and I watched her relax. 

She reached into her purse and pulled out a dollar. 

"I lost." She said with a mock pout. 

"Really? Well, I'll take that." I said as I hummed "We're in the money". We both laughed as we snuggled closer. 

"So what happened? How did you lose? Couldn't go through with it?" I said smugly. I was a little bit disappointed, but I felt relief too. She broke that. 

She snickered a little. "Oh, I went through with it." 

I felt a pang right through my chest. I tried to calmly choose my next words. 

"Y-you went through with it?" 

"Yep." 

"So you sucked his dick?" 

She looked me in the eye as she gauged my response. I tried to have an impassive look on my face, but my emotions were in turmoil. I didn't know what I was feeling. One minute I was turned on, the next I was angry, the next I was jealous and turned on again. After a while those emotions just blended together. I couldn't get a handle on what I felt. 

"I did." She said, still waiting for my reaction. 

"So you sucked his dick, but didn't make him cum? 

She shook her head as a sneaky smile spread across her face, like she had a juicy secret that she was just itching to tell. 

"Did anyone win?" 

She nodded her head and bit her lip, as if she were trying to keep her mouth from shouting it out. She just couldn't help it though. 

"The bride-to-be won." She whispered as if she were trying to not get caught by probing ears. I nearly jumped out of my skin. 

"Your friend Jasmine! She's getting married tomorrow!" I yelled out in disbelief. Naomi laughed as she was trying to shush me. 

"So she sucked his dick and made him cum in front of all of you?" Naomi shook her head with that sneaky smile on her face. I knew there was more to this story. 

"She took him to her room." She said, her eyes wide with disbelief at what she was saying. 

"Are you telling me she fucked him?" 

Naomi nodded. Instantly, my mind assaulted me with images of her friend, who was about to get married the next day, getting plowed by some Italian stripper. I was equally appalled and aroused. 

"What did she say about it?" 

My wife giggled and leaned in closer. "She said he was the best fuck she'd ever had." 

Now I know that you guys are hopping up and down in your seat. Your brain is about to explode out of your head. This woman, who was about to be married, getting pounded by some big dicked stripper! 

What a slut! What about her fiancé? The poor sap is clueless. 

Judge me if you will, but that made it more arousing to me. Do not ask me to explain it to you because I can't. Nevertheless, I could not get the images out of my head of her grabbing this guy around his neck while he pounded orgasms out of her in missionary position, or the hand that held her engagement ring crumpling the sheets as she grabbed them while her pussy was being assaulted doggy-style. I saw the diamond twinkle as the light hit it. 

After running that porno in my head, I was ready for some action of my own. However, we had to hurry so that she could make it to the rehearsal. So I reluctantly followed her into the shower as we washed each other and got dressed. 

I sat in the audience as the women talked with the priest and the wedding coordinator about the sequence of events that was going to be happening the next day. I found that I could not take my eyes off the bride. She acted like nothing happened the night before. She was all smiles; her excitement about getting married was obvious. But I couldn't look at her without wondering how she looked with a dick in her mouth. A dick other than her fiancé's. I tried to imagine what her moans sounded like. Was she flexible? Did he bend her like a pretzel with her legs on his shoulders as he drove his massive dick into her wet hole repeatedly? Did he slap her ass when he fucked her doggy style? God! I was driving myself crazy! 

I took in my wife, who stood next to her. How would I feel if she were the one in Jasmine's position? Would I be as aroused? Would I still marry her? 

The next day the wedding and the reception went off without a hitch. People ate. People danced. People drank. We all had fun. After it was over the happy newlyweds disappeared in the limo to start their life together, after a two-week trip to Jamaica. I waved goodbye with the rest of the attendees as I staggered drunkenly with my wife up to our room. We had a satisfying round of sex before we drifted off to sleep. 

I woke up earlier than my wife, who was still passed out naked. As I laid there listening to the birds chirping, I found myself thinking about the blushing new bride. More than likely she and her new husband were just now awakening after a night of newlywed sex. They probably were going at it again, doing all of the things that Naomi and I had done the night before. What she let the stripper do to her 48 hours before. 

If Naomi had done that and I found out, would we be married? 

The answer to that question was murky. When we were first to be married, if she did what Jasmine did, we would not be here today. It was one thing for her to do it when she was free and not committed to me. But to accept my ring and do that, that would have been a deal breaker. Back then. 

However... 

Now, with all that we'd been through together, things were different. Somewhere along the line, my perception had changed. I didn't fantasize about her getting fucked by another man. That wasn't something that got me off. What did get me going was the fact that other guys found Naomi attractive enough to want to fuck her. To add on to that, the fact that they wanted to have her, to possess her, but that she was MINE...that did get me going. 

Yes, she was mine. I felt confident in that. Because of that confidence, her having sex with another man wasn't as much as a deal breaker as it would have been. I don't know - maybe the game was changing the way I saw love and lust. 

The real key to this was honesty. The "game" had shown me that we could explore sexuality that broke the conventions of marriage, but we had to be honest with each other. I trusted her. That was the only thing that made this work. A lesson that I later learned was that this was CRITICAL to what we were doing. 

I realized how much my thinking had been changed when I thought about my reaction to Naomi when she said that the strippers' dicks tasted good. I was a little angry, but I was more upset that I wasn't there to fuck her. I should have been pissed at her. But I wasn't. 

Even now, thinking back on it, I can't find the appropriate anger. I did feel jealous that she called him "a big boy", but it wasn't the all-consuming jealousy that makes husbands go insane. The only thing I felt was the need to ravish my wife. 

Curious. 

+++ 

When we returned from the wedding I didn't give Jasmine another thought. Life continued as it had been. My wife and I were having sex just about daily. She flirted shamelessly. We got off on it. 

The game took a new turn. My wife started openly flirting with people that we knew, especially when I was around while. I would pretend to be clueless. She would feign being drunk and let her inhibitions drop. She would dance suggestively and allow guys to grope her discretely. Our eyes would lock as lust passed between us when the guy wasn't looking at me. When I knew that he could see me, I played the part of the idiot, laughing and talking to others as if I had no idea what they were doing. This would cause some of them to get bolder. 

We did this at a couple of parties with some friends of ours. You would think that this would cause everyone to start looking at us funny, but it didn't. Because she was "drunk" she could just pretend like she wasn't her normal self. It was the guy that was taking advantage of her. When we saw them again, she let them sit back with the comfort of knowing that she didn't remember a thing about the party. She would say, "I hope I didn't do anything too embarrassing last night!" They would assure her that she was the epitome of well-mannered behavior. Since I was "clueless" then I could act proud and say, "You were fine baby. I didn't see you do anything wrong." 

Of course I noticed the faint smirk on the asshole's face. 

Later on in the night after she'd had an evening of getting groped she would regale me with the details. We would talk about just how far the guys got with her. Some of them were satisfied with squeezing her butt and tits. Others pushed the envelope and took advantage of my wife's "vulnerable" state. They did things like run a hand up her skirt or inside of her blouse. One of my good neighbors almost pushed her panties to the side and got a finger inside of her before she pushed him off. Going over these stories would always end with us trying to fuck each other into unconsciousness. 

Life with Naomi could not have been better. On top of that, my son made my long days at work worth it. I loved watching cartoons with him. Sponge Bob? Hell yeah! I could say that I only watched it to spend time with him, but I cannot lie. I found myself laughing at it too. My wife would just roll her eyes at us. 

We also started spending more time with my sister and Jerry. You know, her booty call (yeah right). We went out on double dates when my sister and I could con our parents into watching all three kids. 

Naomi had also started a new tradition called game/movie night. I think that was an excuse to hang out with my sister more. Jerry and I went for it though. We would alternate homes and either play a game or watch a movie. We tried to do this once every other week, but it varied throughout the month. My sister still worked for the DA so there were times when she was just plain tired. 

Naomi still worked at the gym. She still got hit on constantly. If Jerry happened to be working out on a night that she was working, he still chased away the saps. This never ceased to be funny. All in all, things were going as they were supposed to go. At least in my mind. 

One day I was cleaning out the attic when I came across an old box of Naomi's stuff. I remembered moving it up to the attic years ago but I never thought anything of it. Curiously, I started going through it. It was filled with a bunch of memorabilia and other things that looked sentimental. At the bottom I found an old photo album. 

I leafed through it and found a wealth of pictures that I had never seen before. There was no doubt that these pictures were of Naomi when she was a kid. The man and the woman who appeared in various ones were presumably her parents. She'd never really talked about her parents, so I sat there engrossed in the visual display of my wife's childhood. 

In the few conversations that I had with her about her parents, she only told me that they were dead. Nothing else. Nothing about how they died, any memories that she had of them, what kinds of things they did together when growing up...nothing. I always found it very strange and disconcerting, but I figured that it was too painful for her to talk about. We had a lifetime together. I would get the story eventually. 

So I put everything back in the box and returned it like I found it. I never mentioned it to her, but I hoped that one day she would share. I figured that at least she would want to tell Henry about his heritage, so I could be patient until he was a little older. 

+++ 

The weekend I became a full-fledged cuckold (I hate that word) for the first time is ingrained in my memory forever. That weekend was simultaneously the most exhilarating and humiliating of my life - that infamous angst multiplied by a billion. I remember it well. 

We'd gone out of town for a couple of days to celebrate Naomi's birthday. We had a party earlier in the day with family and friends. Then my mother watched Henry as we took a plane to a resort. It had spas, a casino, tennis courts, the works. I wanted to give her a couple of days of relaxation. 

The first night there, I honestly did not do anything but sleep. I had been planning the party with Trina for the past two weeks and it had taken its toll on me. That mixed with the plane ride wore me out. Naomi understood my need for rest, so she made herself scarce by checking out spa. 

I don't know how long I slept, but I was awakened by Naomi plastering herself across my body. 

"Wake up honey bun. Momma needs some loving!" 

I was still groggy, but I knew that in her frame of mind she was not to be denied. So I took my shorts off and grabbed the back of her head. She knew what came next and she greedily wrapped her lips around my dick. 

Within moments I was hard enough to drill for oil. She removed her shorts and jumped on. With her manicured hands planted on my chest for leverage, she bucked her hips wildly as she rode me for her pleasure. 

"I just got a massage." She said breathlessly as she looked into my eyes as she impaled herself repeatedly. Now I knew what got her so hot, so I pressed for details. 

"Was it a man or a woman?" 

She began bucking more wildly as she said, "A hunk." 

Hunk? 

"Did he rub you?" 

"Yes." 

Images were beginning to form in my brain as I started to match her riding with thrusts of my own. 

"Where did he touch you?" 

She started moving faster and more violently. 

"My tits and my...Oh God...my pussy!" 

When I heard that I started to reach my crescendo. My mind's eye saw him, fingering my wife's luscious pussy. She probably was making the same sounds that I was hearing at that moment. I could hear her pussy sloshing as I drove my cock into her and I imagined it making the same sounds on this guy's fingers. Did she moan for him like she was doing for me? Did she lift her ass in the air and give him better access? It was too much for me. 

"Did y-you let him grope you?" 

"Yes!" 

"Did he enjoy groping you?" 

"Yes. His dick was so hard!" 

She was getting closer. That was a good thing because my penis was not willing to wait for her. 

"You saw his dick?" 

"Oh God! Yes. He put it...in my mouth as he..." 

"What did he do to you Naomi?" 

"HE FUCKED ME WITH HIS FINGERS AS I SUCKED HIS DICK!" she screamed out as she exploded in orgasm. I felt her quivering all over my dick, which set me off also. 

She lay to top of me with my deflating dick still inside of her, completely spent. Her breathing was deep as she laid her head on my shoulder. 

"Did you really suck his dick?" Once the euphoria had lifted, I had to admit that I was a little hurt. And pissed. Like I said before, nothing like an orgasm to turn a man from horny to human. 

"I didn't suck him to completion. He took it out of his shorts and had it by my face. I just put it in my mouth. He was fingering me so good that it just felt natural. I didn't think anything of it because of the bachelorette party that you had me suck that stripper." 

"I had you suck that stripper? If I recall, you'd already blown that stripper before you called me!" 

She sat up and looked in my eyes. "Are you angry with me?" 

I was angry. She hadn't asked permission before she did this. I didn't answer her in words, but my face said it all. 

"I'm sorry baby. With the bachelorette party and all I didn't think you would be upset. I did suck that stripper before I called you, but you made the bet after. I thought it was okay." 

"You let that masseuse finger you though. What the fuck Na?" 

Her eyes started to water. 

"I'm sorry Josh. I really am. I didn't think you would be upset. Please forgive me." 

I couldn't stay angry at her. Things were ambiguous at this point. There was no line in the sand for what was acceptable and non-acceptable. I blew a breath out and sighed. 

"Don't worry about it Na." 

She flashed me a smile of relief as she lay back down on my shoulder. I heard her sniffling a few times. 

"But if we continue like this, we have to have some respect. I don't know about rules, but if there were any then rule number one would be that you don't do things without letting me know ahead of time. Okay?" 

"Okay honey." 

+++ 

The next day had us sightseeing and doing the "tourist" thing. We ate in a few restaurants. We went to a wine tasting. We had our picture taken in one of those photo shops where you put on silly costumes. I was a cowboy and she was a lady of the saloon. Those net stockings and that low cut dress did her justice. 

The night found us in a club that Naomi had heard about. It was a club for the 25 and up crowd, so it wasn't full of a bunch of silly 21 year olds. 

Naomi and I danced for a few songs. She asked me to go get her a drink when we sat down at our table, so I headed over to the bar. It was a bit crowded, so it took me a minute to get one of the bartender's attention. When he finally handed me my order, I went back to search out my wife. Imagine my surprise when I saw a guy sitting in my seat, 

Naomi saw me she smiled and waved me over. 

"Renaldo. This is my husband, Josh." 

Renaldo extended his hand to shake mine. I had to put the glasses down on the table to return the gesture. 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 04



"How do you know my wife Renaldo?" I did not mean for it to come out like an interrogation. But it did. He didn't look the least bit phased though. My wife however, started blubbering. 

"He is the masseur that gave me that massage yesterday." She said with a little uncertainty in her voice. 

"Yeah. I was telling your wife about this club when I gave her the massage yesterday. She said that she would check it out if she could get you to come with her. I'm glad to see that she was able to talk you into it." 

I think my face conveyed my emotions accurately because I saw Naomi begin to shrink into her seat. 

"Really? Well Renaldo, I think I need to have a word with my wife, so if you'll excuse us..." with that I grabbed my wife by the arm and jerked her out of her seat. I was practically dragging her behind me as she shuffled in her heels to keep up with my pace. 

"What the fuck is going on Naomi?" I asked her when we were out of the club. Naomi stammered to answer me as I glared at her. That was when the chivalrous Renaldo decided to check on the fair lady and see if she was in need of a manly intervention. 

"Is everything okay, Naomi? 

The fact that this Asshat had the nerve to make his way out here and ask my wife anything filled me with enough rage to end this fucker. 

"Renaldo, this is between me and my wife. So if you don't get the fuck away from us I swear I will break every last one of your fucking fingers, STARTING WITH THE ONES YOU STUCK INSIDE OF HER PUSSY!" I was yelling so loudly that I was starting to draw a crowd. 

Now Naomi went from contrite to furious. Without a word, she stomped off in the direction of our rental car. Renaldo and I glared at each other for a few more seconds before I had enough. 

"Go try to fuck someone else's wife Renaldo. Mine is off limits." He looked at me with a laughter in his eyes as he licked his fingers. Point made. He walked away leaving me with a head full of steam. I angrily stalked my way to the car. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you Josh! I cannot believe you embarrassed me like that! Dragging me out of that club like a rebellious kid and telling the entire world that Renaldo fingered me! God!" 

"Are you serious? You manipulate me into going to a club so that you can meet up with the asshole that fingered you and you have the nerve to be mad at me? I humiliated you? YOU HUMILIATED ME!" 

I saw her face soften at my outburst. She looked at me inquisitively for a second and then took a breath 

"Josh, you thought I wanted to go to that club to meet Renaldo? Shit. No wonder why you were so mad." 

"Huh?" 

"I didn't go there to meet him. He told me about it, but I did not go there to meet him. I told him that I wouldn't go unless you were there with me for a reason. I didn't want to give him the impression that I was meeting him there. But I still wanted to go because he made it sound like fun." 

"The two of you looked awfully comfortable while I was getting drinks. What were you talking about?" 

She blushed when she thought about that. "He was saying that he enjoyed giving me a massage and was trying to talk me into doing...other stuff." 

"Really? What did you tell the asshole?" 

Naomi actually looked hurt that I would ask her that. 

"Josh, I have been faithful to you. I haven't done anything that I thought would be inappropriate. I know the massage got out of hand, but I didn't think it was any different than what we've been doing. But I would NEVER intentionally do anything that would hurt you. Never. You got to believe me on that." 

"What did you tell him?" 

Tears started to well up in her eyes as she shook her head, as if she couldn't believe that I still had to ask. 

"I told him that I wasn't going to cheat on you." 

I did believe her, but it did not stop the anger and the hurt. 

"Would you fuck him? If you weren't married to me, would you fuck him?" 

"What does it matter? I am married to you, and I know that it would hurt you. So the answer is no." 

"You didn't answer the question." 

She blew a breath of air, as if she was exasperated. 

"If I wasn't married to you, then yes. I would fuck him. Happy?" 

I sighed and put the car in gear as we drove back to our room. 

+++ 

The final day of our fun filled weekend started like the two previous. Naomi woke up before me and headed for the spa. When I woke up, I showered and waited for her to return. She came through the door, showered, and we left together to eat some breakfast. After that, the rest of the day consisted of doing nothing. The fight of the previous day faded and we continued as if nothing happened. 

When we returned the hotel to change for some swimming, I found that there was a message for me at the front desk. It was from Renaldo. 

Hey bro, 

Sorry about last night. I didn't mean to piss you off. I was just concerned about Naomi because you were being kind of violent with her when you dragged her out of there. I can't stand by when I think that a woman is being abused. Your wife set me straight and told me that I should apologize to you. So here it is. 

Renaldo. 

"Who is the note from dear?" She asked in a voice dripping with innocence. I looked at her and scowled. 

"You know who the hell it was from. It was from your boyfriend apologizing for being an ass. Why would he do that?" 

"He apologized because I talked to him this morning when I saw him at the spa." 

"Did you..." 

Her eyes went wide and her brow furrowed with anger. 

"No I didn't get another massage or anything else Josh. God!" She said as she stomped toward the elevators. This fucking woman is going to be the death of me... 

That night found us in the same club again. I was surprised that they let us back in after the ruckus that we made the night before. 

"I'm just letting you know ahead of time dear. Renaldo is going to be here." 

"What the fuck Naomi!" 

"I wanted to put last night behind all of us. It was a misunderstanding and we were all embarrassed. I told him to meet us here so that we could have a few drinks and see if we can get along. Okay?" 

I didn't answer. But I didn't have to. Seconds later Renaldo made his way to our table. 

"Hey bro. No hard feelings?" He said as he extended his hand. He actually looked sincere so I warily took it and shook. 

Things pretty much were a blur from there. We alternated between buying shots. We actually had a pretty decent time. At first, Naomi was a buffer between us, but after the alcohol flowed it was less awkward. Before I knew it, we were all laughing and joking. 

I even let the two of them dance. I did watch closely for any signs of impropriety. They did dance rather close, but there was no over the top rubbing or grinding. Then she came back to the table and grabbed me on the floor. 

Things gradually took a turn from friendly to something else. The drunker Naomi got, the more uninhibited she became. Then, during one dance, the three of us were out there on the floor together. Naomi was dancing with the both of us. I was in front of her and Renaldo was behind her. I did notice that his hands was running along her thighs. I made a point of removing them, but I didn't do it too forcefully. Maybe it was the alcohol, but seeing his hands on her did not irk me, as it should have. 

Naomi gave me a hot kiss that could have melted metal and then turned around to face Renaldo. I could see his surprise when she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. I saw his eyes flash towards me to see my reaction, but the liquor had my mind twisted at that point. I don't think any of us were in our right minds. 

I saw his hands snake down to her shapely ass and pull her close. The two of them swayed back and forth in a sensual union. I know I should have been angry. But I wasn't. I heard her whisper something in his ear, but I couldn't make out the words. He didn't answer though. He just kept holding her as they kept in rhythm. 

Then she suddenly broke free from him and found me. She plastered her body to me in the same way that she'd done him a few seconds ago. 

"Mmm. You're hard Josh. I can feel you. You turned on baby?" 

"Yeah" I could barely breathe I was so fucking horny. "I want to fuck you." 

"What if I told you that I wanted Renaldo to join us?" Her voice was soft and throaty, but the words that came out of her mouth stunned me. Her breath filled my nose. I could feel how hot she was. 

"What?" I croaked out. She looked me right in my eyes. 

"I said I want you and Renaldo to fuck me. Tonight." I could see the lust in her eyes. They looked straight at me, piercing through my liquor-fogged mind. She meant every word she was saying. I was lost. 

"Will you let him join us? 

I didn't know what to say. The feelings that were swirling around inside me were at war. The lust and the jealousy battled each other until they formed an alliance and began to merge into one blurred emotion. It became difficult to separate the two. I knew at that moment that my wife was going to have a dick in her that wasn't mine. Her spell over me was now complete. I nodded my head dumbly, still unable to speak. But that wasn't enough for her. 

"Give me a dollar Josh. I want you to bet me that I can't take the two of you back to the room and fuck the both of you into incoherence." 

"No. Not in our room. I can't...not there." 

"What if we went to his room then? Renaldo lives in this hotel. Would that be okay?" 

I nodded my head, still in a haze. She smiled at me and held out her hand. I reached in my back pocket and grabbed my wallet. With shaking hands pulled out a dollar and handed it to her. 

+++ 

Things were a haze of naked bodies and sweat from there on out. The scene was pretty surreal. As I was fucking her and watching her suck his dick, I was numb. Then he ripped open a condom and switched with me. 

At some point, I stopped participating. I hadn't really cum. Things were just too outrageous. I extricated myself and stood back to watch. 

Naomi was getting fucked from behind. Renaldo was grasping her waist with one hand while his other was on her shoulder. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open as her body jerked with his thrusts. She wasn't moaning, but she took an intake of breath every time his stomach made contact with her butt. 

Slap. Slap. Slap. 

I had to get out of there. I grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom. As I dressed, my mind began to clear. Things were officially out of control. I quietly crept out of the room. 

I think I wore a trench in the floor of my own hotel room. I'd been pacing back and forth for the thirty minutes since I'd left Naomi with a practical stranger. 

What the fuck was I thinking? A threesome with some strange guy? Fuck! 

Did she even realized that I left? I tried to call her cell but her it just went to voice mail. So I just turned off the lights and waited. And paced. And raided the little liquor bottles in the minibar. And belittled myself. 

The uncertainty was killing me. Not knowing what was happening was death by a thousand cuts. Every time the second hand ticked on my watch, I was sliced with another cut. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. 

Thirty minutes later my phone jarred me out of my trance. I looked and saw that my wife was calling. 

"Baby, where did you go?" She said in a panicked voice. 

"I'm back at the room Na." 

Five minutes later she came bursting through the door. She wore a "just royally fucked" look on her face, but it was twisted with apprehension. 

She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me. 

"Baby. What's wrong?" She said as she kissed my face. I couldn't get a handle on my emotions. I was alternating between relief that my wife was still mine to anxiety about what door we opened up. The emotions were so fickle that they were switching inside of me like a strobe light. I couldn't get a handle on them. 

She took me by the hand and led me to the bed. Then she gently turned me around until my back was to the bed and pushed me over it. I fell helplessly on the softness of the mattress and laid there. She began to unbuckle my belt and slide my pants down. I was on autopilot, so I impassively lifted my hips to give her room to get my pants down. 

Then she took my member in her mouth and began to suck softly. Up and down, her lips lightly massaged me. This wasn't like her normal blowjobs. It wasn't energetic or vigorous. It was a like she was slowly, softly making love to me with her mouth. 

"I love you so much Josh. Never forget that." She said in between sucks. I looked down at her and saw that she was looking back at me. 

I didn't even feel it coming. I just knew when it was there. I didn't have time to warn her. Suddenly, I felt myself erupting in her mouth. She was surprised by the first blast, but eventually her face settled. She didn't release me until I stopped squirting. She swallowed it all. 

I was emotionally spent. Drained completely. I lay on the bad as flaccid as my dick was. I felt Naomi crawl up on the bed until she laid her head on my chest. She peppered me with light kisses and rubbed her hand across my stomach. We laid like that in silence, both lost in our world. 

"Did you enjoy it? I asked flatly. She continued to rub and kiss me. 

"Yeah. I did. It was erotic. I've never done anything like that before." I could feel her face move in what I imagined to be a smile. 

Silence. I didn't know how to react to that. Was I angry? Excited? No, I was neither. I was just numb. 

"Would you do it again?" 

She thought for a minute as she continued to kiss my chest. "No. Not with him." 

Relief began to ebb through my clouds. She wasn't in love with him. She wasn't going to run off and leave me lonely and miserable. She was still mine. 

"Would you do it with someone else?" 

"Maybe. If you bet me." She then sat up and looked at me. 

"It was fun with Renaldo because of you baby. If you aren't happy with it, then it isn't fun. When I let him finger me, I got off on it knowing that I was going to fuck you as soon as I got up to the room. When I let him fuck me tonight, I was thinking about you. I honestly didn't think it would be this hard on you. Without you, it is just sex. I would never trade you for just sex." 

She laid her head back down on my chest and continued to stroke my stomach. "You and Henry are my world Josh. Without you two, life isn't worth living." 

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her on the top of her head. We lay there in silence and listened to each other breathe. I didn't know what our future held. All I knew was that things were out of control. 

END OF PART FOUR 

Quick note: 

I want to dispel a theory that some people have. Some think that I am trying to condone cuckolding or make it "normal". I don't think it's normal. While I don't admonish it as "evil" or "wrong", I'm also not under the impression that most men feel this way. I do feel that more people get into this than what we give credit to, but it isn't close to being a 50/50 split. 

Being open minded is not about accepting everyone's point of view as right. Open minded means that I will listen to you without bias and make my decision based on the facts. Some people seem to confuse that. You can be open minded and still disagree. It also means that you realize that your way isn't the only right way. You can feel that it is wrong, but you can respect someone else for feeling that it is right. That isn't going to make you change your mind about your views. 

Unlike science, there is no way to prove who is right or wrong. All you can do is use the happiness meter. Are the two in the relationship happy? Does their happiness intrude on other's happiness? If the answers are yes and no, then whatever they are doing is right for THEM. 

So I'm not trying people to get people to accept it. I'm not trying to explain it away. This is just one situation in which I can see a guy letting it get that far. It is a story told from my imagination (partly), not an exposé or a persuasive paper. Whether the characters in this story are right or wrong is up for interpretation by the reader. 

Finally, I want to thank my editor once again. His work is phenomenal. Any mistakes I made transferring his work to my own is not a reflection on his efforts. 

Thank you all for reading.



To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 05



***Author's note: 

My editor suggested that I put the last two chapters together and submit it as one. Because of my recent hiatus due to my "football injury" (haven't been able to say that since high school) I have a lot of work to catch up on. Therefore, I took his advice. This is the final chapter. 

On an offhand note guys, keeping yourself in shape does not mean that you can run around with 20 year olds. Lifting weights and running on the treadmill is no substitute for raw youth. FYI 

Anyways, thank you guys for reading. I have enjoyed writing this story and the feedback that it produced. Even the feedback from people who didn't like it. You took the time to give it to me, and it is greatly appreciated. Many authors don't like negative feedback. I still see it as a compliment. 

I really tried to answer the emails guys. I'm almost certain I got to all of them. If I missed some, please don't take that as a sign that I didn't feel it was important. 

Brief synopsis of the previous chapter: 

THE PAST: The game heated up for Josh and Naomi, and ultimately climaxed in a threesome with a man named Renaldo. This threesome, though erotic, made Josh seriously think about where this relationship was headed. He realized that they were out of control. 

THE PRESENT: The couple start therapy with Beth, who is a marriage counselor. They feel at ease with her, and begin to open up. The strain that the relationship is under is taxing for the both of them. Josh is hopeful that therapy will help them find out what went wrong. They have a ways to go... 

STILL IN THE PAST - Spring 2014 - December 2014 

After Renaldo, we stepped around each other apprehensively. We avoided mentioning that event and went about our lives as if it never happened. At least we appeared to. However, each of us was dealing with what had happened in our own way. 

Naomi showered me with love and attention. She practically drowned me if I am being honest. While I certainly enjoyed it, I did wonder why. She had always been a bit sparse in using the L word unless she had fucked up and needed to reassure me. That was what was so unsettling. I knew why all of the displays of affection were happening, and that inevitably brought me back to the feelings that I had over the Renaldo incident. 

On my part, I dove head first into activities that gave me a little distance from her. I worked a little bit longer. Not enough to raise an eyebrow to the casual observer, but just enough so that I could delay going home while still maintaining an acceptable excuse. 

I also started jogging/walking. Since her transformation a few years before, Naomi had been on me to start taking better care of myself, so this was also excusable. She did say that she would like to jog with me, but I waved that off. I told her that it would be too embarrassing to be upstaged by my wife because of my inability to keep up with her. It was a matter of male pride of course. She bought this reasoning, albeit a little too reluctantly for my taste, and didn't bother me about it again. 

We did make love, but some of the fire was gone. I really have to take most of the responsibility for this. I could not help wondering if she were comparing me to Renaldo. When I watched her fucking him, it was clear that she was enjoying it. Even when I was out of the picture, it took her an entire thirty minutes to make it back to the room. Allowing her ten minutes to get dressed, that would still mean that he was fucking her for a whole fifteen to twenty minutes before she saw that I was missing. 

This went on for a few weeks. I wasn't giving her the cold shoulder. I was just trying to come to grips with where we were in our lives together. 

One night, I was watching "Suits" when Naomi walked in. I didn't see her so much as I felt her presence. When I turned to look at her, I saw pain written all over her face. 

"What's wrong Na?" I asked. Seeing her looking like that broke through the barriers that I'd built up. The vision went straight to my heart. 

"I miss you Josh. I miss us. I don't want to lose you." 

I waved her over and she came over to the couch that I was on. I opened my arm and gave her room to cuddle me. Instead, she laid her head on my lap. 

"I love you Na." I said as I stroked her hair. I felt her shoulders shaking before my pants got wet from her tears. I didn't say anything. I just gently caressed her hair. We stayed like that until "Suits" went off, and then we went to bed. We didn't make love that night, but we spooned and embraced until we fell asleep. 

My icy fortress of solitude began to thaw after that. We slowly returned to how we were before the weekend at the spa. Within a few weeks after the night on the couch, we were enjoying the same loving partnership that we had. Everything except for our sex life was what it once was. 

Understandably, we didn't attempt the game during this time period. Naomi's sex drive returned to how it had been before she opened up. I think that she was afraid of any reminders of that weekend and what it would do to me. Therefore, she avoided it. This avoidance had an overall effect on her libido. We still made love, but the fire that had been ignited in my wife - the fire that I enjoyed so much - was quelled. 

In all other areas, she was the same loving wife that she had been in the past. She kissed me goodbye when we left each other. She cuddled me when we laid in bed together. We watched movies, went on dates, ate together, talked, laughed, cuddled, and made love. While it was very nice, it was also a little stale. At least to me. 

I know, I know. Be happy with what you have. I was happy with what I had. But my penis wanted it all. 

I began to miss the game, or at least the energy in our house when we were playing it. Yeah, we were cozy in our day-to-day lives and happy, but the extra excitement was gone. The spontaneity of the game had opened up a hidden compartment in our lives that was exciting. We had metaphorically closed that door and pretended that the room didn't exist. But we also left a lot of the fun in that room. That's the two-edged sword of excitement. It becomes addicting. I don't know if's adrenaline, or something psychological or whatever - but without a doubt when you start doing things that give you a high, you miss it when you stop. 

It was close to Christmas. We were shopping for gifts. Naomi, being the ever-efficient one, had a list of things for everyone on the list. She knew the stores with the best prices. She actually had a spreadsheet of which items could be found at what stores. She knew the mall like the back of her hand. Using this knowledge, she separated the list according to which stores were in proximity of each other. I had my list and she had hers. 

Being a guy, I was naturally was done shopping ages before she was. Hell, I had my list. I knew what I was going in there for. For me it was a simple matter of locating items, paying for items, putting items in the trunk. Easy peasy. 

Now, my wife, well she did things a little differently. Being the quintessential woman that she was, she would locate her items, window shop for things that she would pick up on a later date, talk to the random fellow shopper about how crazy the stores were during the season, compare notes with another shopper who had kids around Henry's age, window shop in other stores, and finally call me to find out where I was. The exact opposite of easy peasy. 

By the time she called me I'd already stuffed my face full of Sbarro's pepperoni pizza, a large coke, and a Cinna bon. Since this was one of the few opportunities for me to eat without the Health Nazi on my ass, I splurged. 

She told me to meet her at some shoe store (not one of the stores that we needed to shop in, mind you), so I began to search for her. When I arrived, I didn't go right in. I watched her from the outside. There was a gentleman that she was talking to. He had a shoe in his hand and was pointing to various things about the shoe as he spoke, so my assumption was that he was describing the features. 

It was obvious that he was hitting on her. It actually surprised me, because if I saw him in any other context I would have put money on the fact that he was gay. However, judging by the way he looked at my wife's cleavage as he spoke, he was definitely into women. 

I also took a second to observe Naomi. The twinkle in her eyes. The smile. The arm touch. Oh my fucking God! She was flirting back. 

It was really good to see her with that vibrancy that I missed. She was in her element right now, and I have to admit that I liked it. 

She finally spotted me and waved me over. The shoe salesman did not look as happy to see me as she was. As I walked over, she made the introductions. 

"Honey, this is Chris. Chris, this is Josh, my husband." 

Chris shook my hand and smiled at me, but I could tell that I was the last person that he wanted to meet. Naomi went on talking about the shoes that she was looking at (as if I gave a fuck) telling me all of the wonderful things that she and Chris were talking about. Chris smiled at her, told her that he had to help to some other customers, and disappeared. 

"...I would really like those shoes. Doesn't it make my legs look awesome honey? If we hadn't spent so much today I would buy it and model it for you." Her voice finally droned in through my consciousness. 

Suddenly, my brain went into lust mode. It was time to wake the Kraken. 

"Why don't you get it Na?" 

She gave me a confused look. "Because we spent over $700 sweetie. You know what we had budgeted for Christmas. This shoe isn't in the budget." 

"I'll bet you a dollar that you can't get it within the budget." 

Her eyes flew open at me, as if she were shocked at what I said. I simply smiled at her and let things sink in. 

"What are you saying Josh?" 

"Nothing. Just making a bet that you can't find a way to get that shoe in a price range that will be in our budget." I gave her a smile dripping with false innocence. She looked at me warily. 

"Josh, shut up. We're leaving." She said as she placed the shoe back on the display case and began to make her way out of the store. 

"I understand if you don't think you can do it." I said casually as I shrugged my shoulders, trying to bait her with the challenge. She stopped and turned around to face me, her face indiscernible. 

"No Josh. No. I will not have a repeat of what happened with Renaldo. I cannot go through that again. I don't want to go too far and risk losing you again." 

"So, you don't want to do it? Are you saying that you aren't intrigued?" 

"That's not what I'm saying Josh. I have no problem with the game. I have a problem with losing you." 

"I get it Na. Things got out of control. I wasn't expecting the Renaldo thing. It was a shock to my system. One minute we are just a couple of exhibitionists and the next we are having threesomes with a guy that I don't like. I didn't take that well. But I miss how we were. I miss the excitement that the game brought. It is obvious that it brings out a wildcat in you. I like that wildcat. " 

"Are you serious Josh?" I noticed that her face began to show some excitement, though she was trying to quell it. 

"Yes Na." 

"Josh, what if..." 

"This is a very special dollar Na." I said, cutting her off as I waved a dollar in front of her face. "After all, we spent so many of them today. That makes this one rare. In order to get it, you have to do some special things." 

Her face crept into a sinister smile as she gave in. Her eyes were on fire. I could practically feel the energy from her. It was intoxicating. 

"What would I have to do Josh? I really want that dollar." 

"Weeeell...I don't know if you have what it takes to do this but I'll tell you anyway...First you have to go into the bathroom and remove your panties." 

She giggled. "I'm listening so far." 

"Then I am going to go out to the car. I'm really tired and need to rest. Plus, I don't think I can stand in here while you try on shoe after shoe after shoe." 

"So I'm simply trying on shoes? What's so hard about that?" 

"I'm glad you asked. You aren't going to try them on. Chris is going to try them on for you. And you can't adjust your skirt one time." 

Her mouth dropped open as understanding hit her. "But Josh, if he lifts my foot up to put the shoe on me, there's going to be no way to keep him from seeing my..." Her voice trailed off. 

"Oh Gosh! I hadn't thought about that Naomi. But that doesn't sound like my problem. That sounds like a problem that you have to deal with." 

The look on her face was electric. 

"Your final task to complete this mission is for you to purchase a shoe. This shoe has to have a significant discount on it. I will be looking at the receipt." 

With that I left the store with her bags in tow. I put them in the trunk with the bags and listened to the radio for about an hour. I then saw Naomi hurriedly making her way to the car with her head down. 

"So..." I said when she was in the car. Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. She could hardly look in my eyes. 

"I did what you said." 

"And?" 

"He spent the last hour putting shoes on my foot. At first it was all professional. But when he got a good look up my skirt, and he saw that I wasn't hiding anything from him, he started lifting my leg higher and higher. After a while I actually started to smell myself, I was so wet." 

With each word she said, my dick go harder and harder. I had to grab it to keep it from jumping around. 

"Did you get the shoes?" I was able to ask despite have a difficulty forming words in my brain. She shook her head. 

"He couldn't. His manager was there. But he told me that he closes tonight at 9. He will be by himself. He said that if I come back...alone... then he could see if something could be worked out for the shoes." 

When she finished her statement, I got the full meaning of what she said. If I came back alone...something could be worked out. 

I felt her hand brush my hand that was grasping my dick. I looked in her eyes and saw lust. Pure lust. Her hand gently moved mine to the side as she worked my zipper open. I helped her free my aching erection from its denim prison and watched her welcome him into her warm mouth. Nothing was heard in the car other than her sucking and my moaning. 

She paused sucking and looked up at me, but her hand continued to stroke me. 

"I really want that dollar Josh. My mission isn't complete yet. I have to go back at 9 and get those shoes." 

She went back to sucking me as I died and went to heaven. Her soft lips slid up and down my shaft, gently caressing me. I felt the magma in my balls began to boil. I wouldn't last too much longer. 

"Naomi..." 

She stopped sucking and looked up at me. Her face was apprehensive. 

"Josh, I don't want to do something that will damage us. I'm not going to lead you into anymore situations like I did with Renaldo. If you want me to do something, you have to tell me. You have to take the lead." 

"Okay Na. I get it." 

"Do you want me to go back tonight and get those shoes Josh? You know what he wants. You have to say it." Her voice didn't hold a seductive tone in it. It was serious. 

It was kind of killing the playful mood. 

"Do you want those shoes?" I asked as I pushed her head down onto my lap. I was trying to reignite banter. Her mouth wrapped around my dick as I heard slurps from her sucking. She took a break and said one word. 

"Yes." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. 

Her mouth enveloped me again, this time more vigorous than before. Her head was bobbing in my lap in rhythm with her slurping sounds. It was coming. I could not hold back anymore. Suddenly, my semen exploded out of my cock and into her throat. Her head kept bobbing until I was spent. I felt her swallow as she rose and wiped her mouth. 

We looked at each other and laughed. Our eyes mingled and displayed messages of love. 

************************ 

THE PRESENT - September 2015 

Naomi and I had attended several weekly sessions with Beth. I would like to say that they were bridging the gap between us and getting us past it, but they weren't. These sessions were confusing. Beth avoided the infidelity altogether at this point. She was just having us go through the history of our life together. We were retelling how we met, how I proposed, the first time we had sex, the first time we said I love you, things like that. While I did enjoy taking the trip down memory lane, I didn't feel that we were tackling the issue of why we were in counseling. 

I did find out who her paramour was though. We hadn't talked about it, or I hadn't really listened, until it came up in one of the sessions. Beth quickly reverted the conversation at that point away from it, but I did learn who he was. 

I hate to tell you guys this part, because it is so cliché. But here it is. This guy is her BOSS. Yep. He is a new boss that the gym hired to replace the one that had worked there for ten years. Apparently, the old boss was offered a position running a new Walmart that was too good to pass up. 

At the time that the new boss was hired Naomi was managing all of the personal trainers. She didn't do much one-on-one coaching anymore unless there was no one else scheduled. She had a staff of three trainers under her, so she only had to do an occasional session. She really didn't need the confidence booster of getting hit on anymore, so the promotion didn't do anything to our sex life. 

I remember her mentioning her boss a few times. She described him as loud, abrasive, bossy, and kind of a bully. She didn't sound overly impressed with him at the time, so I didn't pay it too much attention. 

So here we are at the next session. I admit that I am beginning to lose hope. I feel like I am no closer to finding out what went wrong than I was before we started coming. Without finding out what went wrong, I cannot find a way to trust her. Without that, there is no way that I can stay in this marriage. As much as it would destroy me, I will have to let Naomi go. 

When Naomi and I first arrived today, something felt very different. For one, there was no soft music playing in the background. Secondly, we sat across from a somberly serious Beth. The drastic change from her normal demeanor made the tension palpable. 

"Okay Josh and Naomi. I feel that we have come to a juncture in our journey together. I have enjoyed hearing the story of your marriage. Now I want to know about the past. Naomi, I want to hear about your parents." 

Beth's cool stare is both soft but serious. Her face shows nothing of the warm woman who greeted us that first week. It is clinical. Almost cold. 

I glance over at my wife, who actually pales. I can see her lips quivering as her wide open stare looks frozen. I have never seen her like that. 

"Th-they're dead." 

It is like a punch to the face. All of the times that I heard her say that in the past, this is the first time that I realized that she was lying. I almost walk out. But I need to finish hearing this. 

"Naomi, I want to hear about your parents." Beth repeats. Her tone conveys that she is not letting this go. I can feel my wife's hesitance and fear. She looks like a mouse backed into a corner. Like a little girl who is hiding under the covers hoping that the Boogey Man will go away. 

Part of me wants to jump in there and tell Beth to go to hell. I want to yell at her to stop bullying my wife. She obviously doesn't want to talk about this. However, I remain silent. I know that this is important. Has been for a while. I just failed to see it. 




To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 05



"How did they die Naomi?" 

My wife looks at the floor as tears stream down her face. Beth hands her a tissue, but both of us patiently let her compose herself so that she can continue. 

"My d-dad shot my mom." 

I almost shit myself when I hear that. What the fuck! How could she never have told me this? I keep my feelings to myself though, because I need to hear the rest. 

"I caught my mom cheating on him with my uncle Ricky when I was sixteen. I came home from school one day and they were kissing." 

She wipes her nose on the tissue. It almost breaks me up to see her like this. It also angers me to only be learning this now, after all that we have been through together. 

"When I confronted her, I called her a slut. I told her that she was whore and that I was going to tell my dad. S-she begged me not to. She promised to never do it again." Naomi pauses to swallow the frog that had lumped up in her throat. 

"BUT I HAD TO TELL! I couldn't just let her get away with it. It was wrong! I felt that my dad had a right to know what kind of woman he was married to." 

"Did you tell him Naomi?" Beth asks softly. I think she feels that Naomi needs a little help trudging through this quagmire of repressed memories. Naomi just nods as she breaks down crying in loud sobs. 

"HE KILLED HER AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!" she wails out. I reach out and hug her without waiting for a cue from Beth. She sits there and doesn't stop me. 

"It wasn't your fault baby. It was hers. She was the one who cheated." I say in soothing words. I thought that this was the right thing to say until she violently pushes me off of her. I look in her face and see pure rage. 

"NO! It was HIS FAULT!" Her voice is filled with venom. She almost sounds demonic. I get an inclination to interrupt. Beth must be part Jedi, because she sees my thoughts and shoots me a "shut the fuck up" look. 

"After he was tried and convicted for her death, I got a visit. From his son. HIS FUCKING SON! He was 3 years younger than me. Apparently, dear old dad had another woman on the side. Complete with a whole 'nother family." 

She is now standing and speaking with so much force that there is a vein protruding on her forehead. 

"My fucking father cheated on my mother for YEARS. Not only that, he bullied her. He talked down to her. He called her a worthless, mousy cunt. AND SHE TOOK IT! She never said a word. She let that fucking asshole walk all over her! Like the pathetic mousy bitch that she was!" 

Her anger almost scares me. I have never witnessed anything of this magnitude from her. Honestly, if she grabbed the nearest sharp object and started to stab me I would not be any more surprised than I am at her outburst. 

"For years he cheated with that other bitch. For years my mother sat there in a loveless marriage and allowed him to do whatever the fuck he wanted. She took his verbal abuse and his whoring without a Goddamn word! And when she finally found something that gave her a little peace and I-I..." 

Her voice trails off as her face abruptly morphs from unadulterated rage to deep despondency. Her heart is broken. Had been broken for years. I just never noticed it. 

Beth's soft soothing voice breaks through. "What did you do Naomi?" It is like Beth is trying to pull the poison out of her. She needs Naomi to say the words, to get it out of her soul. Like vomiting up bad food; it has to come out 

"I TOOK IT FROM HER! ME AND THAT FUCKING MONSTER KILLED MY MOTHER!" 

The three of us sit in silence after she is done. The only sound we hear is Naomi's heavy breathing. I am stunned. Never, in all of our years of knowing each other, did I even have an inkling that she was harboring this horrible secret. I cannot imagine what it must have been like. To have this crushing guilt of being the cause of her mother's demise, along with the rage that she felt at her father. My God! How could she even function? 

"Where is your dad Naomi?" Beth asks after a moment. Naomi shot her a look of anger as she spit, "In prison getting gang raped everyday if there is any kind of justice in the world." Her voice has nothing but hatred in it. 

Beth decides that we need to take a five-minute recess. Naomi needs to calm down. I need some air. So Beth tells me to go outside for a bit and come back when I am ready. 

When I do make it back, Naomi is calmer. Her face is streaked with tears and her makeup is a joke, but the anger and rage are just a simmer. She sees me and comes running into my arms. I wrap myself around her and we embrace for a few moments before we sit down. 

"Now, I feel that we are getting somewhere." Beth said in her normally cheery voice. We both look at her like she is insane. But she is not deterred. 

"Do you have any questions Josh?" She says, looking at my pad. I hadn't even thought of writing anything down, though my mind was swimming in them. 

"I guess the first question is...why? Why have you never told me any of this? We've been married for eight years. How come you lied to me all of these years?" 

Naomi looks at the floor and sniffs. She actually looks to Beth for help, who simply sits there and nods. 

"I didn't want to think about it Josh. I buried the hate in my past. It was easier for me to think of them both as being dead. They are dead to me. You would never meet my d...Kenny. There was no need to go into that." 

I know that this is where I am supposed to show compassion and understand where she is coming from. But I don't. I feel anger of my own. 

"So, you just lie to me FOR OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE! After all of the trust that I put into you. You LIED TO ME NA!" 

She crumbles into tears. "I know Josh. I know." 

Through Naomi and my exchange, Beth sat there nodding her head and writing in her notepad. But she never interrupted our dialogue. She finally felt the need to step in. 

"I have a question Naomi. Why do you think you found it so hard to commit to Josh early on? Why did you have trouble giving up your freedom?" 

Naomi looked like a light bulb went on in her head. 

"I never wanted any man to have any ownership over me. I couldn't stand the thought of being pathetic like my mother." She said aloud, but it sounded like she was saying to herself. Beth just sat back and nodded. 

"As you played the game, did you feel that sense of freedom that you had before Josh?" 

Naomi nodded, looking down at the floor. 

"So, if that freedom is so important to you, why did you marry him?" 

If ever there was a good question, that one was perfect. 

"B-Because I love him. He makes me feel like there is nothing he would do to ever hurt me. He is..." 

"The total opposite of your father?" Beth chimes in. Naomi looks at her for a moment, then lowers her eyes and nods. 

"We are almost out of time, but we have such a good flow going that I'm going to postpone my next appointment. Give me a sec guys, okay?" We nodded the affirmative as she went out to talk to her secretary. When she returned, we resumed. 

"We are at the point that I think we need to examine this affair that you had. Tell me about this guy again Naomi." 

************************* 

THE PAST - December 2014 

With the reintroduction of the game back into our lives via Chris the shoe man, our wanton activities slowly picked up. The balance of our lives shifted a little. Things seemed more vibrant and titillating. Even innocent things like helping my wife cook dinner was a test in our resolve to keep our hands off of each other. 

We began playing with the new boundaries that we'd set. Naomi did go back to the mall that night and got her shoes. Not only did she get a discount, she got them for free. Well, she didn't pay any money for them. But it did cost her a blowjob in the back of the store. The actual pair of shoes became a trophy of sorts for us. 

The new boundaries became the rules of the game. We never wrote them down, of course, but we talked about them as we clarified our expectations. The rules of conduct were: 





To Have and to Cuckold Pt. 05



I look over at Beth and I see her nodding knowingly, like the light was finally shining. The pieces start to fall into place for me too. Naomi is too far gone in her recounting of the details to see how the dots connect. 

"Then one day he cornered me in the locker room when the gym was closing. He asked me about a little 'one on one' work out. I asked him what about his wife. He told me: 

'Fuck that mousy little bitch. I want you." 

Naomi stops the narrative for a moment and tries to wipe her nose with the back of her sleeve. Beth hands her a tissue and allows the moment reprieve for Naomi to compose herself. 

"How did you feel when he called his wife a mousy little bitch Naomi?" Beth guides her. I know where she is going with this. Things are beginning to come together. 

"I was so livid at that point! I actually punched him in the face. I drew blood from his lip and everything. He just looked at me and sneered. 'That the best you got cunt?' he said. 

Then he grabbed me by the wrist and kissed me. It wasn't really a kiss. It was more like he shoved his tongue down my throat. When I twisted my wrist free, I pushed him off of me. In doing so, I guess I grabbed his shirt or something, because it ripped. On his chest I saw scratch marks that I think came from my nails when I ripped his shirt. He ran his fingers across the scratches and licked the blood from them. 

Then he said, 'Come to daddy bitch!' 

After that it was a blur. We ripped each other's clothes off. I fucked him right there on the floor. The whole time I was doing it, I was in a rage. I punched him. I slapped him. I called him a worthless piece of shit. And I came so hard I almost passed out." 

Her last statement hits me where it hurts. But surprisingly, it isn't as painful because I am beginning to see where all of this is coming from. Beth brings everything home. 

"What did he look like Naomi?" 

As I hear her describe the guy, my eyes are fully opened. There is no way that this is a coincidence anymore. I remember the picture that I saw in that photo album. Without realizing it, I break one of Beth's rules and interrupted Naomi. 

"Oh my God Naomi! You're describing your father!" 

The realization hit Naomi like a ton of bricks. She actually starts shaking. 

"Oh my God. I'm so fucked up!" 

I hold her as she begins to sob all over again. Beth even breaks protocol and comes over to our side. 

"No sweetie. You're not screwed up. You've been holding these demons to yourself for so long that you had no way of understanding them or getting them out." She says as she rubs Naomi's arm reassuringly. 

"But I fucked my father!" 

Beth shakes her head. "No sweetie. You didn't..."F"...your father." I notice that Beth has an aversion to swearing and tries to avoid it. "He's in prison. You had sex with someone who reminded you of him. You were trying to exorcise your demons." 

The sobbing subsides some, so Beth trudges on. 

"When you and Mark were together, how did you feel?" 

"I hated him. I hated his wife. I hated myself." 

"What made you keep going back to him?" 

Naomi was thinking for a moment, quietly sniffing. "No matter what I did to him, he continued to chase me. Like a pitiful puppy. He was pathetic, and I made him that way." 

Beth looks at me and saw that I had a question, even though I didn't write it down. She gives me a nod to go ahead. 

"Why didn't you tell me about this Na? You should have told me." 

She looks at me with the saddest eyes I'd seen on her yet. "I was ashamed Josh. That was the first time in my life that I felt shame for what I was doing. I hated myself for fucking him. It made me feel low. But it also made me feel more powerful than I've ever felt. I didn't want you to see me like that. To know that a part of me was even capable of doing what I did with him. The rage that I was capable of." 

Beth goes back over and sits in her chair. For the first time since this started, I feel optimistic about us. Sure, we are in a lot of pain right now, but that is because we just came out of surgery to get the cancer out. 

"I think this is a good place to stop. Naomi, you were wonderful today! So brave." Naomi actually blushes and smiles as Beth claps for her. 

"Before you two go though, I have to say this to you Naomi. In order to fully put this demon behind you, you are going to have to confront it. And I mean that literally. You have the opportunity and the means to release yourself. But it's going to take you doing something that you aren't going like." 

We sit there looking at Beth expectantly. Her face is deadly serious, but also encouraging. 

"You are going to have to forgive your father. I think that you need to visit him and confront him. Say all of the things to him that you couldn't say when you were younger. I believe you need that in order for you to forgive him. Only then will you be able to forgive yourself and heal." 

Once again my wife looks uncertain. If Beth told her to dive headfirst into a pit of snakes, Naomi would have looked at her with more enthusiasm than she just did. She glances at me, as if trying to see what I think of it. I smile at her and gently stroke her cheek. 

"You are the strongest woman I know Na. If anyone can slay this mother-fucking demon, it's you baby. And I'm going to be by your side every step of the way." Her entire face lights up with a smile as she crushes my neck with a bear hug. She is practically choking me, but it doesn't seem important at the moment. I look over her shoulder and see Beth wink at me as if to say Well done Josh. Well done. 

*** 

PRESENT TIME - October 2015 

NAOMI NARRATING 

I listen to the background noise of walkie talkies and doors slamming definitively shut. Low level murmurs surrounding me serve as white noise as the other people speak excitedly about loved ones that they miss so much. 

I wish that I could share their feeling. I wish that the stark white walls and gloomy overhead lights didn't carry a sense of doom that spread throughout my body. Unlike the others here, I didn't drive 5 hours and 25 minutes to see a loved one. I came here to this miserable place to see a hated one. 

Prison guards eye every last one of us with a detached interest as they wipe the wand over our bodies to detect any unknown metal objects. Once that task is done, they wave us through to the next station of inspection. 

This place is so...cold. So devoid of warmth. It practically sends chills through my body. I cannot imagine a worse place to put someone for years at a time. 

Good. 

Once inside the family area, I take a seat at the table in the farthest corner. I sit facing the doorway through which the guests of the state would walk through. I need to see him when he enters. I want to be able to watch him approach me. Call it a survival instinct, but rule one of not being caught off guard is to never let your enemy see your back. 

The door swings open and the room fills with orange jumpsuits. Hard core faces that had probably done unspeakable things turns into soft smiles as they lay eyes on the only people in the world that cared about them. It would have actually been touching if I were watching this under different circumstances. 

Then "he" appeared. The monster of my nightmares. The one who had stolen my parents from me. The hypocritical asshole who thought that he was justified in ruining three lives. I hadn't seen him in 18 years, over half a lifetime ago. I always thought I would have been fine to never seen him again. But I am not fine. The current state of my marriage is a testament to that. 

He doesn't look like the man I remember. The eyes of that young girl that watched his cold face all those years ago somehow made him a kind of evil deity in my mind. He was immortalized. His soulless eyes were so filled with hatred as he stared down at the lifeless body that he killed. He was invincible in my mind. Like Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers. 

No, this guy isn't him. This guy's body sags, as if the weight of his jumpsuit is too much for him. His face is older, but it is as if the sadness and remorse of his life have added the years to him. Not just remorse that a person feels when they do something wrong. No, his remorse is deeper. It is like life for him is devoid of meaning and happiness. Like he curses God every time he wakes up in the morning. 

Maybe there is justice. 

"Naomi?" He asked as he approached me. It looks like he can't believe his eyes. He blinks, as if trying to make sure that I am really here. 

He plants an awkward kiss on my cheek. I just sit there, rigid, not returning any warmth or affection. 

"Hi Kenny." I say softly. I hate the sound of my voice. It sounds so weak. I wanted to come here and show him how strong I am. I wanted my voice to be stern and assertive. Maybe even a little intimidating. But seeing him so beaten, so defeated, takes all of that out of me. 

I also see him flinch at the way I called him "Kenny" instead of "dad". 

"Long time no see baby girl." He says as he sits down across from me. I try to smile, but I can't. I also feel a wave of discomfort at his term of endearment. 

"So, what do I owe this pleasure?" He asks, trying to engage me in conversation that at the moment seems elusive. My stomach is filled with knots. I had an entire speech practiced. For days I had been going over what I was going to say when I saw him. I knew how I was going to say it. I even prepared witty, sarcastic comebacks to anything he could have possibly said to me. But all of that has vanished. 

I regret my decision to come here alone. Why did I tell Josh to stay back at the hotel room? Why do I have to prove that I am strong enough to do this on my own? Why can't I trust my husband to lean on him during times like this? Why, Why, Why? 

"I-I came here to talk to you. I'm seeing a counselor and she thought...she thinks...she and I think that it's time we talk." 

I am babbling like an idiot. A weak idiot. Come on Naomi! Pull it together! 

He suddenly isn't able to keep eye contact. I notice his eyes darting to the far wall as he averts my gaze. That serves me just as well because I am having trouble doing so myself at that moment. 

"I suppose you want to talk to me about...what I did." His voice sounds just as weak and uncertain as mine does. My God! He's just as nervous as I am. The monster of my nightmares is nervous! Of me! 

"Yes Kenny. I need to talk to you about the day you...shot mom." I am glad to hear that my voice now has some confidence in it. I use this gather my emotions and force myself to look into his eyes. 

"Um, okay Baby girl. What do you want to know?" 

What do I want to know? What do I want to know? What the fuck could I want to know? What the hell kind of question is that? 

Suddenly, I feel the anger surge within me. The repressed anger that I felt in Beth's office as I purged myself of my memories comes flooding back. It practically chokes me, it's so thick and hot. I can feel it morph my face into a grimace. 

"I WANNA KNOW WHY YOU SHOT MY MOTHER! What gave you the fucking right to kill her?" 

I feel the burning tears on the brim, but I'll be damned if I let him see them. He doesn't deserve to see me vulnerable. He is the enemy. 

"Baby girl..." 

"DON'T YOU FUCKING CALL ME BABY GIRL AGAIN! I'M NOT YOUR BABY GIRL! I'M THE GIRL WHOSE LIFE YOU STOLE YOU FUCKING MONSTER! 

I'm yelling so loud that my voice echoes across the room, completely overshadowing the other conversations that are happening. Well, that were happening. Now, there is nothing but silence as all eyes find my dad and I too interesting to ignore. The guard gives me a warning look and seems like he is about to approach me. In my peripheral I see my dad - Kenny - wave him off with a pleading face. 

"Naomi, I'm so sorry." He says as he reaches for my hands. I snatch them away and glare at him with an icy look that could freeze fire. He retracts his hands and places them on the table in front of him. 

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret doing it. What I did to your mother is unforgiveable." 

"Why did you do it dad? Why did you shoot her when you were out there DOING THE SAME THING?" 

His face falls when I say the last part. "I take it you know about Sandy and...your brother?" 

I laugh sardonically. "Yeah dad. He swung by when you were convicted. Seems he felt he should meet me seeing how we had so much in common. Of course, you didn't kill his mom." 

I can see how every sarcastic word that I shoot at him kills him a little more inside. Part of me revels in that. If I am hurting his feelings, good. Whatever he is feeling right now is like the after effects of a vaccine compared to the small pox he subjected me to. Relatives who didn't want to take care of me, social workers and physiatrists analyzing my moods, kids teasing me because of my murderer for a dad and slut of a mother. Fuck them both. 

That is why I spent years forgetting all of that shit. Changing it. Changing me. I had to. I could not survive without moving past my experience, and I didn't have the ability to actually get past it. So I eliminated it. It was easier than my alternative. And it worked. 

Mostly. Kind of. Not really. 

I worked hard to be independent and not need anyone. Especially any man. Hypocritical assholes. Fuck anything on two legs, but then be ready to burn the women at the stake for not sitting there and taking it. Men are miserable shits. Not good for anything other than a good roll in the hay. All of them can go to hell. 

Except for Josh. 

He is so different. No matter what, he always puts me first. My Josh! What would I do without you? 

Kenny's voice drones in, interrupting my trip down the minefield of memory lane. "I wish I could undo what I did to your mother. All of it. I treated her like shit and it haunts me everyday. Her face is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night." 

He looks to be on the verge of tears. His eyes looks into mine, begging me to sympathize with him. To love him. But I'm not there. I'm far from there. Like in another hemisphere altogether. 

At the same time, I can't help but to pity him - sort of. His life is shit. He is all alone. He has nothing to look forward to and no one to give a fuck about him. Horrible way to live, even for a monster like him. 

"So why did you do it? Further yet, why did you even marry her?" I ask him, softening my approach. I no longer feel the need to beat him up and torture him. It's like slapping around a wounded animal. 

"I never loved your mother. I know that sounds horrible, but I didn't. She was supposed to be a one-night stand. I was drunk. She was drunk. We had sex in a fucking bathroom stall. We didn't even get naked for Christ's sake!" 

I sit back and digest that bit of information. Of course I always suspected that he didn't love my mom. There is no way that a man can treat a woman the way he did and truly love her. However, there is a difference between knowing it in your head and hearing it aloud. It is jarring to say the least. Every kid wants to think that they are a result of a union of love, not drunken lust. God, no wonder I'm so fucked up! 

"I was a running back in college. Fast as hell. Strong. I had designs to go pro. Everybody felt I had a shot. Your mother was a local townie who enjoyed hooking up with college guys. She was even friendly with a few of my teammates. I'm just the lucky one who got her pregnant." 

If it were possible to feel any more like shit than I already did, that last statement did it. Shock hits me. So, I am the reason why these two were stuck in that horrible marriage? I think he correctly reads the look on my face because he immediately tries to explain. 

"Its not your fault sweetie. Your mother and I made the choice to fool around in that bathroom. I was too drunk to put on a condom. You had no choice in the matter. What happened was just a matter of consequences for stupidity." 

I calm down a little, though I don't really like being thought of as a "consequence for stupidity". Every word that comes out of his mouth further tears me apart. But I know that I have to let him finish. 

"When your mother told me she was pregnant, I about shit myself. I didn't believe you were mine at first. I don't even know how she figured you were. She wasn't the most chaste woman around. But when you were born the DNA showed that I was the lucky daddy." He chuckles to himself at his use of irony, completely oblivious to how low it makes me feel. 

"My old man always talked about honoring commitments. Doing your duty. So when your mom had you he told me that the proper thing to do was to make her an honest woman. 'You deserved a family' he said. After all, you were the only one of us that didn't do anything they shouldn't have. 

So we were married at the courthouse. Neither of us really wanted to be together. I was constantly getting ragged on for marrying the town bike. My teammates, classmates, even the coaching staff talked about me. I started to miss practices to avoid them. Started skipping class. Not to mention your mother always needing something. After a while, my performance on the field started to slip. A missed block here, a fumble there, a dropped pass or two. I was constantly distracted between enduring the constant teasing of my teammates and dealing with a family. Pretty soon, my scholarship was revoked and I couldn't finish school. 

Of course, I blamed your mother for that. Every time I looked at her, I saw a future that was down the tubes. And I hated her for that. 

Your mom had low self-esteem before we got together. That's why she let all of those guys have their way with her. A few drinks and a compliment and she was yours for the night. So naturally, she just took all of my abuse. It was in her personality. 

The only one who really showed any love for her was your uncle. Poor Ricky! He thought she walked on water. He didn't care about her past. Several times people joked that she got pregnant by the wrong brother. Hell, I wished she did get pregnant by him instead of me. But we were all stuck. 

My brother actually begged her to divorce me so that he could marry her. She never did of course because she was scared shitless of me, but I could see in her eyes that she wanted me to release her to be with him. But I couldn't do it. I thought that my future was shot because of her. There was no way I was going to give her a happy ending. I wasn't a very nice person. But you know that. 

So I kept her in that marriage out of spite. When you told me that you caught her cheating, I was enraged. How dare she! She steps in, ruins my life, and then wants to try to be happy! I felt that she didn't deserve a moment of happiness. She cost me my future and my happiness. What right did she have to have to find peace?" 

"So you shot her?" I finish his story for him, cutting to the point. All of his justifications just make me sick. He nods and finally looks in my eyes. 

It actually looks like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. His jumpsuit doesn't look as heavy anymore. He'd apparently been holding on to that in for some time now. Finally being able to release it appears to be kind of cathartic for him. 

"What about Brian?" 

"Your brother? I started messing with Sandy, his mom, not too long after I married yours. She wasn't the only one. I have to admit that I wasn't faithful at all. I was young, good looking, and had a low opinion of women. On top of that, I was angry. So I always went after the low hanging fruit." 

I have never despised anybody more than at this moment. He is a worthless human being, only capable of seeing what is happening to him. Everybody is against him. Nothing is his fault.