19 comments/ 26471 views/ 5 favorites Shrinking Violet By: Spencerfiction This was an experiment in producing a story without dialogue, delivered as a series of monologues. I thought it was boring and didn't work, so I was going to shelve it but a few people liked it, so I hope some of you will too. There is infidelity and reference to sex but no actual bonking descriptions, so if you want something for the wankbank, give this one a miss. ***** 1. Jim Jones talks about how his wife started dieting. My wife Vi Jones is a shy and reserved person. She is so close to our 8-year-old daughter August that she is almost a sister to her and prefers her company to women of her own age, which is her late thirties. Vi has been overweight pretty well forever and was steadily getting bigger over the ten years that we've been married. She casually tried lots of different faddish diets on a regular basis but without much progress in that direction. She was worried that our daughter would pick up her bad eating habits. She is quite short, barely five foot tall, and as she was a full size 28 she couldn't get clothes to fit her in the shops any more. We ordered a hell of a lot of stuff on-line. She wore mostly black and dark colours, feeling she didn't want to draw attention to herself. She suffers from poly-cystic syndrome, which was only recently diagnosed. This was the cause both of her obesity and relative infertility. Our Doctor offered her a course of 12 weeks with the local slim club as her only option out of her predicament. Vi joined the local group of slimmers who meet at the nearest community centre early one evening a week, taking August along with her, so she too could assimilate the lifestyle of healthy eating. Vi took to the regimen so well that in her first year she reduced from size 28 down to size 14/16 and lost 5 stone. She won her group's slimmer of the year award and then went on to win the area title, too. Now my Vi has lovely skin, has always had a pretty, no, beautiful face and long straight blond hair down to her waist. As far as I am concerned she has always been a looker. even with a few extra pounds, she was a lovely handful. Now that she has lost all that surplus weight, although she is still curvy, feminine and pretty well perfect. She has a very cute little-girl quality about her and the overall effect is that she is absolutely stunning. She has always been painfully shy, though, especially after August was born and she started to pile on the pounds. She never went back to work at the shop as she intended to fall pregnant with our second child as soon as possible and has always been totally absorbed in her loving family. I work as a cabinet maker and joiner in a furniture factory at some distance, about an hour's drive each way, and I earn just about enough for our family's modest needs. Vi seems a lot more confident in front of strangers now, having stood up in front of the group and area reps, she doesn't need to take August with her to every meeting now. 2. Vi Jones speaks about her weight loss. When the doctor said the only way that I could improve me chances of conceiving was to lose a lot o' weight, I was shocked. I'd bin real conscious about me appearance for a long while, but thought that as soon as I had another baby I'd lose it again, easy-like. An' Jim never complains about me size, he jus' gives me squeezes all the time. Trouble is he's one of them people what can eat whatever he likes and never puts on a single pound. The Doc was pretty blunt about me choices if I want to avoid an early grave. It was either a gastric band or I tackle the calories intake by proper organised dieting. Apparently in my case the NHS could help by paying for the first three months of meetings at the local slim club. I only summoned the courage to go the club when I found I could take August along an'all. I now know how much August'll benefit from the lifestyle change. The guys and girls down the slim club were very friendly, and the club consultant, Wendy, was lovely, they had all been through the diets and knew what was what. The discussions after weighing-in help us keep our focus and point out pitfalls and traps. I started losin' weight straight away and won slimmer of the week the very next session, and 3 times or so a month after that for quite a while. I actually won slimmer of the month for about six months on the trot. So embarrassing, I had to stand up out in front and tell everyone how I did it. I went cherry-red the first few times I had to speak in front of everyone, but did get a bit more used to it. I still win the monthly award once every 2 or 3 months. Then I won me group's Woman of the Year and Slimmer of the Year, wow! Winning them first two contests have boosted me confidence and knowin' I look so much better means I don't have to hide meself away no more. I can enjoy beautiful bright, colourful and fashionable clothes and show off me new figure. I love the gym work and feel so naughty the way the guys hit on me down at the gym. They are so much fitter than me scrawny husband. But bless him though, I do love me Jim, he's put up with me bein' fat for years so he should get the benefit of finally having a hot wife. Only drawback is all the loose skin which I have to tuck away in me undies, I'd crap meself if any of them fit geezers down the gym saw the real wrinkly me underneath. The slim club has entered me as their candidate in the regional contest. Me sister Melanie is a hairdresser and she talked me into having me long hair cut into a bob. The success of them last two competitions has boosted me confidence and I have been putting in a bit more effort down the gym, adding road running and hot yoga classes during the day. It is so useful not havin' to go out to work. Jim has helped me get in me exercise time by adjusting his work hours to look after August when she gets home from school. 3. August Jones has her say. I'm real prouda Mummy. I went with her to slim club for most of the first year and it was great how slim she got. It's a lot of fun going on Monday evenings, the ladies there all play with me and are so funny! I saw Mummy win the main prize which was real embarrassing! But I went with her a couple of times when she spoke to the other clubs in our town and she was so brave. And she won the next final an'all. Mummy's now doing lots of joggin' and training and shopping so Auntie Rosie is helping us as Daddy needs to work longer hours. 4. Jim thanks and complains. I have to thank Rosie Gardner, Vi's younger sister, who has stepped up to cover for my wife when I have to work. I couldn't survive without her help. Vi's lost another stone in the past couple of months as she ups the ante on the exercise front and, as a consequence, has further revamped her blessed wardrobe. I think she can get into size 12 clothes now and all those size 16/18s we bought a couple of months ago have had to go down the charity shop. She won the regional finals as overall slimmer of the year, going onto the national finals in a couple of months' time. She's now asking for, no, demanding, a mini tummy tuck operation, costing £4000, which will almost totally wipe out our savings. If she does manage to wheedle round me, I guess it'll mean her waist measurement will change down another bloody notch and she'll want even more clothes. I'm sure we've sent more old clothes to Oxfam recently than I've got in my own blooming wardrobe. 5. Vi feels good and wants to feel even better. Bum looks amazing, great muscle tone in calves 'n' thighs. Can't stop lookin' in the mirror. That extra working'-out in the gym has really paid off. The only prob is me big flabby gut, what looks like a skin apron. I wanna mini-tummy tuck 6 weeks before the national slim club finals to remove loose skin round me belly. Takin' all me efforts to sweet talk Jim into lettin' me have it cos the lying cheapskate says I look fab just as I am. He don' wanna spend the money on me. Honestly, men! I need him to know he'll feel the benefit, if you know what I mean... I daren't tell Jim that this op'll mean I can't have a second child cos it'll undo the benefits of the surgery. I think Jim would be disappointed if he knew, but I don't wanna'nuvver kid at my age, especially if I'll lose me figure again. Anyway, I wouldn't've nothink to wear, 'cos I've got rid of all me ugly fat clothes! 6. Jim comments on Vi's proposed tummy tuck. She's off her bloody head, that stupid woman! We ain't got no money in the current account because we're buying all these clothes. Even bloody shoes! Now you can't tell me that madame's feet are getting any bloody thinner but she still insists on buying new shoes and boots that match her new wardrobe. She's no clue about what things cost or how long it takes me to work to earn what she can spend in minutes. She just prattles on about how much money she thinks she "saved" in the sales. Women! Now she's got a bee in her bonnet about cosmetic surgery. This is not us, we are a working family, our kind don't indulge themselves with boob jobs or tummy tucks or Botox and the like, we can't afford stuff like this. It's such a waste. Wear a bloody corset, woman! The stupid thing is, that to me the way she looks at the moment is absolutely fantastic. She's always been beautiful face-wise and a nice comfortable handful to squeeze and cuddle up to, but now she has the pretty firm body of a model to go with it. For years she didn't care a fig about her appearance, back then she was natural, cheerful and funny, shy and appreciated anything I did for her. Now she thinks she is a bit of a looker, she's lost all of her sense of humour and is taking herself far too seriously. Everything what I do for her doesn't seem enough and she always wants more. She's fab for forty, just accept it woman, for crying out loud! Four grand! Crazy! OK, we could just manage, but this would clear out our deposit account, the money we're saving in case the boiler goes or the car fails the MOT or we decide to have a holiday abroad this year. It'll take several years to build up those savings again. We'll need it for August's further education and our lovely girl's certainly bright enough to go to Uni when her time comes. 7. Vi, four weeks after her tummy tuck. That really bloody hurt like hell and still bloody hurts. My main scar looks really horrid. I know it's under me panty line but still looks horrible when I'm in the buff. I've bought some fashionable hipsters and I need to take 'em back 'cos me scar shows. I still 'ave a belly button, though, 'cos sometimes they have to remove it. They've dropped the position of it by a coupla inches or so. It looks wrong, odd, d'yer know what I mean? I've not told Jim that we can't have another kid, but what he don't know don't hurt him. I'm now 40 and we'd been tryin' for six or seven years to get me pregnant, but it weren't happenin' and it ain't gonna happen now. Not that Jim's doin' much about it though, he's always workin' and then too bloody tired to give me any quality cuddlin' time. He loves workin' so much he's taken on another stupid bloody job. He says we are short of money but I think it's 'cos he likes keepin' outta me way as much as possible. Missing sex'n I feel real sexy now to be honest. Had to abstain for a few weeks anyway, of course, 'cos o' the surgery but I'm so in the mood for a bit o' sweet lovin' right now and no sign of bloody Jim to do his business. Glad I won the regional finals just before the op and it was great that the reporters and photographers from the local newspapers and even local TV wanted to interview me. I felt like a real celebrity. I can't believe I was able to stand up and talk to them without gettin' tongue-tied, I've actually got some proper confidence 'cos I'm right comfy with lookin' so good. Actually lookin' forward to the national finals in a couple o' weeks and gettin' fully back training and toning for a week or so beforehand. Might even get some nooky if Jim plays his cards right, or even wrong, given half a chance. 8. Rosie Gardner has her say. My not-so-big-any-more Big Sis is so trying my patience, she really needs to get her sodding head out of her arse. I think Vi's being a right selfish bitch and I can't listen to her prattling on and moaning about her lot any more. All she ever says is "Jim won't do this and Jim won't buy that, and Jim's never about when I need him". Vi can't see that her loving husband's working himself completely into a frazzle doing two jobs plus two hours a day travelling, trying to pay for all her new clothes and accessories plus the weekly slim club and monthly gym fees. It's all her, Vi, Vi, Vi, I'm sick of it. Then there's all that expensive fresh food she has to have to keep her weight in control. August's really missing her Mum 'cos she's out all the time. Now it seems Jim can't afford the time and definitely not the cost of going to the slim club finals up all the way up in Manchester, especially considering the cost of all the changes of clothing that Vi insisted she needed for that long weekend. I think Jim's pretty fed up with the whole dieting kick she's on. Can't say I blame him, frankly. 9. August misses her Mummy. I love Auntie Rosie, I like playing with her, she's really great fun. Makes up for me missing me Mummy who's always out and me Daddy who is so tired all the time. Daddy does an extra job cleaning offices in the evenings, so Auntie Rosie does my tea, bath and bedtime story instead. 10. Jim on work. Finding it hard to make ends meet at the moment. The credit card statements for the past few months have really gone off the charts. Vi doesn't have a clue about the value of money. The only overtime at work is Saturdays, as the economic downturn has taken its toll, so I have had to take a cleaning job for three hours in the evenings Monday to Friday at minimum wage. All the time Vi's swanning around like a fashion model, spending our money like water. She's taken to visiting other slimming groups at least one evening a week and talking to them about her success. I will grant you, she certainly looks the part now and is a great advert for the club's methods. Vi has really come out of her shell, when she was overweight she was too shy to speak to anyone. She gets back late most nights through gym work, jogging and visiting other slim groups. August is really missing seeing her, though, and I'm missing Vi, too. 11. Vi wins slimmer of the year It was an amazin' night. Mel cut me hair and coloured it a slightly lighter tint and layered the hair so it fell on my shoulders so softly and framed my face real well. I wore this lovely long blue silk evenin' gown with a split all the way up to the top o' the thigh. I felt so wonderfully sexy. It was expensive but I reckon it were worth every single penny, that dress. It's a shame that Jim weren't interested in com in' up for the three days and two nights because of those damned jobs of his. He has decided they are more important than supporting us at the contest. He could've hired somethink for the weekend if he couldn't afford a new suit and chip in a coupla-hundred for the flight up. I woulda made sure he had a good time. Then, all on me own, I only went an' won the bloody final, didn't I?! I felt so good, me sitting next to that 20-odd-year-old hunk Darren, who ended up as runner-up. He kept touchin' me under the table, makin' me feel real sexy, like. He is so tall and fit-looking, and charmin', he pretty well swept me off me feet. I'm so enjoying havin' lots of publicity. But then I deserves to be worshipped, I've worked real hard and done well, everybody tells me so. Now here I am, sexy as anythink, but no soddin' hubby to give me the lovin' I need 'cos he's put both his stupid jobs before little old me, his better half. I feel like a goddess and none of me fam'ly gets it. I really worked inches off me butt to get here, I did. I don't think Jim's in my class any more, 'though I still love him of course. See, I'm youthful an' full of energy while he's become a tired old man. Me, I wanna go out an' party, party, party with this fab new body o'mine, an' all he wants to do is stay at home 'n' snooze till he goes out to work again. Borrrrring! Alright, I do regret it this mornin' but I went an' lost me bleedin' head an' slept with that Darren guy las' night. Look, I haven't had sex for 2, no for 3 monfs and then I woke up next to that Darren early Sunday morning. I couldn't even remember having sex wiv him. I suppose I should have skunk back to me own room an' worked out how I was gonna make it up to Jim. But Darren was just lyin' there with his mornin' wood and I just wanted a taste an' one think led to another and we ended up doin' it all morning. Actually, he was crap in bed, but that's ok I had meself a tiny little bit o' fun, that's all. I still love my Jim, especially as Darren weren't a patch on Jim even on a bad day. Fortunately, Jim'll never find out, he's 200 miles away, an' I'll make it up soon as I see 'im. Us winners stayed on another day so we can have our interviews on Breakfast TV, early on Monday. Just fancy! I have a full rounda photo shoots, interviews, an'all, that I am so lookin' forward to it. An' did I remember to tell ya I'm gonna be on the damn' telly?! 12. Darren sends a tweet to his 752 followers on Sunday morning. Cross Slimr o Year Milf off bang list, euw! Me barge pole up fat bitch, us stoned. Revolting! She had a brand new tummy tuck, yuk. 13. Vi interviewed on Monday morning. Appeared on Breakfast Today, which was so exciting. Piled into a limo with the other three or four winners, but I was the star turn, the overall Winner. They made us all up, blimey they really slapped the paint on. Wow! I looked like a bleedin' china doll! The interview went very well until that TV breakfast bitch asked me about my overnight affair with Darren. What!? Apparently the prick told everyone on twitter what he had done with me Sunday mornin'. I said, no way! I love me husband, exclusive-like. I wouldn't do nothink like that to him. An' that prick Darren just sat there wiv a smart smirk on his mean thin ugly face! An' then they asked me about the tummy tuck. I went so red! And they told me the slim club organisers were taking back the title and canc'llin' the cheque 'cos I hadn't declared the op on me app form. They had a live feed set up inside our house and filmed Jim before takin' August to school. All Jim said when they asked him if he was aware I slept in Darren's room all night, he just said "No comment" an' August looked real upset, I don't think she knew what the bloody hell was goin' on. The Studio audience even booed me, callin' me a slut. I cried an' the studio cameras went off as the programme moved to another subject and they virtually frogmarched me out. I keep ringin' home but can't get no answer. Jim doesn't have a mobile phone and we won't let August have one, she's too young. Sent a text to Rosie and she texted back "Slut bitch". Cow! 14. Jim about Vi being on the television. Great to hear from Vi on Sunday that she'd won the top prize. Poor pet didn't wake up till lunchtime, those organisers must've worked her to a frazzle at the after party. She says she's being interviewed on the TV sometime in the morning, but she's not sure exactly when, though they're picking her up about five o'clock in the morning. Vi's never at her best first thing, and by first thing I mean about 8.30. I got a call from the Studio later on Sunday. They want to interview August and me at home and'all. Want to come round about half-five to set up lights, sound and test transmissions. I rang Mum and Vi's mum and all our friends to tell them to be sure to watch in the morning. TV crew came mob-handed plus a reporter and photographer from the local rag. They turned up at the crack of dawn. They all wanted coffee or tea, so I ran out of mugs and milk. I had to do egg on toast instead of cereal for August's breakfast. What with everyone getting in the way, we were gonna be late getting ourselves off to school, and they still weren't ready for transmission by the time we normally leave home on the school run. Shrinking Violet Just as I was getting August's coat on, Vi's spot was about to come on the TV in two minutes and the director wanted to usher us into position. I rang the school secretary quickly and said we'd be late for school and she was so excited to hear the reason why, she said she'd record it. Apparently the whole school would definitely watch it during assembly just after 9am, which was nice. August would be able to see her mum on the telly then. 15. August and the film crew. Was in bed when Daddy was told 'bout Mummy on the screen. So it was a s'prise to see all them people in our house when I woke up. Ruth, the woman with the crew was very nice and she calmed me down, 'cos I got very shy, with so many people in the house. It was a bit of a p'lava and then Daddy got real upset and told them all to go and we had to get in the car while all those flashing lights went off and we were pushed and pulled and shouted at and I was very frightened with everyone shouting. I wanted my Mummy but she weren't there, but then she's never there any more, is she? 16. Jim sees red. I didn't actually see Vi's interview. I saw the group of slimmers walk on. There were four of them, with Vi in front and some skinny beanpole next and a nice old couple. But Ruth, the director wearing the earphones, had the sound on our telly turned off so it didn't interfere with our transmission and we then had to face the cameras in our sitting room. It started off exciting enough, with the slimmers getting a chance to say something each but we couldn't hear any more as Ruth came through the earpiece, getting August and me to move closer together in front of the camera. Then the presenters in the studio started questioning me through my earpiece about Vi's supposed affair and whether we were getting a divorce! What the f-! They kept on asking the same question and August was getting more and more upset as I was getting more and more angry. I kicked them all out then, threatening to call the police on them, for outstaying their welcome, so finally the buggers went. I couldn't believe how crowded the street was. All the neighbours were out watching the spectacle, with other TV vans turning up with masses of press photographers. We were mobbed getting to the car. What the hell's going on!? I can't understand it. Vi, what have you done? 17. Rosie on the grapevine. I read the rumours about my not-so-big Sis from my so-called friends on Facebook first, as I'm not on twitter. They were all gossiping about Vi and taking the piss out of her and me. I could strangle the lot of them, especially Vi. Mum had left me a note on the fridge for when I got in last night but I never saw it so I missed the breakfast programme. Then an item comes up on the radio news about it. Tried to ring Vi but her mobile's off. Next tried Jim but again his home phone's maxed out for messages and the stupid sod doesn't even carry a mobile. 18. August upset. When I got to school they were all excited and asked if I'd seen Mummy on TV? I said no, it had started at home with the sound off but then I had to leave to get to school. We all went into assembly and they started playing back the recording. Miss Jenkins had trouble getting it going, she always does, but that nice Mr Pitman got it goin'. Then Mummy was on the TV but she got flustered and it all went wrong an' she started getting upset and crying. Some of the other children started laughing an' the rest started crying. My friends asked if Mummy an' Daddy were getting a divorce. I cried an' was taken to the Nurse's room before Auntie Rosie came'n' got me. 19. Rosie collects and delivers. August was ribbed at school by her so-called friends and she ended up in tears. All the while Vi has been so preoccupied with her contest,and Jim working long hours, he had given my mobile number as emergency cover. So, after the school secretary called me, I collected the poor girl. August was really upset and missing her mum. When I drove down the street where her house was, I found loads of reporters camped out in front of August's home. As we turned around and drove away, we saw and waved down Jim's car coming towards us. He had been having a bad time at work and called the school to say he was coming back to pick up August and was told that I had already collected her, so he came straight home. We drove out of town and I tried to call Vi from the car. No answer. I booked us into a small motel. I used my credit card just in case Jim's name triggered a response and someone at the hotel tipped off the press. 20. Vi loses. Bastards! The Slim Club directors took away me award and the prize money with it because, apparently, I should've declared me tummy tuck on the entry form and it would've scored against me when the judges voted. I said that when I filled in the form, ooh months ago, I never had the op and hadn't even considered it back then. But the buggers've still gone and cancelled the bloody cheque. I tried to ring Jim and August but the answer phone at home is full an' won't take no more messages. Now wish we'd got mobile phones after all. Was dead against 'em then. Got no cash on me and there is nothin' left in the current account, and I couldn't get no cash out. Managed to get hold of Rosie's mobile eventually. They are all stayin' in a hotel near home. Jim's not talking to me. I told Rosie that the reporters 'ad got it all wrong, I was drunk and we just stayed in the same room celebrating together with other prizewinners, but nothink happened, none of us even slept that night we were so excited and had to go to the studios very early. I wouldn't do anythink to let Jim down now, would I? I'm not sure if she'd believed me, to be honest, but I had to try. Jim calmed himself down, after Rosie put in a good word for us, and called me back later an' I told him the same think. He thought we should sue the TV studios and the papers for lying. Bugger! Then I talked him into just forgettin' the whole think and look forward to us gettin' back together. He managed to transfer some money to the current account from the deposit so I was able to get out cash to pay for the extra two nights I'd spent at the hotel and me train fare down. Rosie booked another room at the motel for herself and I checked out and headed down. As I travelled down I wondered about the "gettin' another room" business, but, no, that wouldn't happen. Rosie's eight years younger than me and 12 years younger than Jim, so they wouldn't have would they? 21. Darren tweets on the outcome of his earlier communication to his 1173 followers. Bastards! Slim Club took back award & prize. shoulda got top prize but kicked out for bad publicity. Bastards! Skank def not worth it. 22. Rosie misses August and Jim. Vi wasn't too happy with me when she got to the hotel, accusing me of wanting to sleep with her husband. I told her she wasn't fooling me, at all, I know she slept with that Darren creep. I started following him on twitter from that day and he has mentioned banging her a couple of times, never very complimentary, of course. Vi doesn't want me around any more and accused me of trying to jump her Jim. As if I would. OK, course I would, he's a sweetheart. I really miss seeing them, August, particularly. 23. August on her holidays. Last month was a nightmare at school but now the summer holidays are here and we are at the seaside for two whole weeks. Mummy's not well as the sea air don't agree with her and she keeps being sick, euu, so Daddy and me played all the time on the beach and the fun fair while Mummy rests. 24. Jim reflects. Thank goodness all the hoo-haa's died down but Vi and I are still working through our trust issues and currently sleeping in separate rooms. At the hotel, August and I were in one room and Rosie and Vi in the other. Vi was very upset by the separation, well both girls were upset by the arrangements, to be honest, but what about me and my blessed feelings? I was fed up to the back teeth with the whole dieting thing and Vi still hasn't bloody well apologised to me about what she's put me through for months. This holiday should be the time for us to get together again, you know, physically, but as soon as we got here she went down with a stomach bug. Fortunately, August and I haven't caught it yet and to be honest the pair of us are keeping out of her way as much as possible. 25. Vi tries to get back on track. The last few weeks has been horrible. We were in separate rooms in the hotel for a week and a half before we were able to go back home again. Jim cleared out all the junk from the box room and turned it into a tiny third bedroom for himself. It could be worse, he might have made me sleep in there. He is that upset though. I've told him that nothink happened with Darren until I'm blue in the face but I think he knows I'm lying. I've been gettin' hate mail, too, really nasty things, so Jim is checkin' all me letters now. We've not had any lovin' since we've been back but Jim promised we would try some romantic dinners and dances while we are on holiday and see how it goes between us. At least we will be in the same bedroom on holiday, so let's see how we get on. I might just jump him when he's not lookin'! Damn! Ever since we got to the seaside I've been sick as a dog. Can't be the food down here as I started feeling queasy in the car driving down and we had to stop a couple of times. Never been car sick before. Now I'm sick every morning and Jim and August won't come near me in case they catch it. And, since I've stopped going to slim club I've bin packing the pounds back on. When will I ever get an even break? 26. Rosie pines. I have really missed August this past few weeks. However, I think that I miss seeing Jim much more. I think I've always liked Jim. I hope Vi deserves him by making up big time. Or hopefully she cocks it all up as usual and Jim's ready for a rebound. 27. Vi checks stomach bug at the doctor's. F-! I'm pregnant! Accordin' to the doc I'm nearly two months gone. It can't be Jim's, we only started making love last week, the second week of the holiday, which was our first time for about four munffs. I was sick through most of the holiday so had a check up when I got back to see if I needed a course of antibiotics. I'm far too old to have another bloody kid. It's really gonna bugger up me bleedin' tummy tuck, I'll probably split in half a coupla munffs short of full term! It was that skinny bastard from the slim club weekend, I'm sure, an' I can't even remember his soddin' name! 28. Rosie exasperated. I cannot believe my skank sister. Looks like she's absolutely blown everything. She's not even told Jim she's up the duff yet. Wouldn't surprise me if she tries to pin it on Jim. He is so naïve that he may even believe her. I have given Vi that Darren character's email address as I had previously contacted him to try and find out exactly what happened after the national slim finals. 29. Vi desperate. Sent an email to s-head Darren and he's blown me off, again. He won't even give a DNA sample so we can confirm he is the father. What the f- do I do now? I am going to have to tell Jim soon before I start to show. F-! 30. Jim disappointed. I can't believe Vi. Pregnant after all theses years of trying and it's not even mine. She thought we could work around this. What?! There's not much to think about. So I kicked her out without a second thought and she has gone back to her mother's. I angrily packed all Vi's clothes in plastic bin bags and dumped them in the garage for her dad to collect. Not that she'll be able to fit any of them. I've contacted a lawyer and started divorce proceedings and she expects me to win custody of August due to Vi's virtual abandonment while she was on her exercise and competition circuit. August is upset that her mum isn't living with us any more. At least Rosie has started coming back around again. She said she had known all along about Vi but was too upset herself to come around until I asked her. 31. Vi dumped. Really f-ed up big time. Jim kicked me out and dumped all me nice new threads in the garage and by the time Dad got off his butt and picked them up for me they were creased, smelt of petrol and oil and will have to be washed or dry-cleaned before I can wear 'em again. Well, only some of the jumpers might fit, I suppose. Have seen a lawyer and want him to fix it so we can get back together. He says we should press for counsellin' and recon-sumfink-or-uva. Failing that, he thinks I should be awarded the house and August, but that's not good enough for me, I want Jim as well. Wivout Jim I'm nuffink. 32. Darren tweets to his 362 followers. Would you believe that Milf slut says I got her up the duff. Whistle for it lady, could be any one of a dozen guys, you sad old slag. 33. Vi is left without a paddle. I am in s-creek. Jim won't budge on con-whatever, you know, talkin' with a referee 'n' everythink, or give up the house and especially not August. Have given up slim club as I am starting to show, now. Also given up on that bloody wanker Darren, refusing to help with DNA. Decided not to take amnio-test-thingy as there's too much risk for Baby Jones. Stayin' with Mum and Dad and takin' a lot of stink from Mum who still thinks the sun shines out of Jim's arris and looks at me like I'm a tramp. 34. Darren tweets to his 127 followers. Lawyers chasin me for DNA. Hate needles. Going to Bangkok, next week, on me hols so I can bang me cock, alright! 35. August misses Mummy. Miss my Mummy but I want to stay with Daddy at my house. Auntie Rosie stays some nights. She has her own little bedroom, Dad's old one. Auntie Rosie's made it look really nice with new curtains and cushions. Mummy's sad and she is getting fat again and stopped going to slim club on Mondays. Miss slim club, it used to be fun. Mummy's sad all the time now. So's Daddy. 36. Jim trying to hold it together. At least with Vi staying at her Mum's I am spending a lot less money, although the monthly savings are pretty well being swallowed by lawyers' fees because Vi keeps fighting to get a better settlement. Both lawyers' bills are coming out of the same account, that's mad, no-one wins except the lawyers, absolutely mad! August seems less upset about the divorce than I feared, although we are keeping the news of the baby from her at the moment until Vi's appearance makes it obvious. I speak to Vi as little as possible, I can't find it in me to forgive her, perhaps once the divorce goes through we might have to get back on speaking terms, if only for August's benefit. I never want to see Vi's baby. I'm adamant about that. Rosie has been a treasure though, she can't do enough for August, which has helped her cope. Rosie stays in the spare room at least a couple of nights a week. We'd be lost without her. 37. Darren tweets to his 127 followers. Lonely, Thistle Hotel LHR, room 435. Flight in morning. Any girl company out there? 38. Jim faces an ultimatum. Doug Gardner, Vi and Rosie's dad, and still my father, came and spoke to me today. He retired last year and said that their house had been up for sale all this time, with the intention of them moving to Spain. Now he has received an attractive cash offer, with little chance of it being matched or even approached in the current market. If he and his wife Ivy accepted the offer, they would be off within about five or six weeks. This leaves Vi with nowhere to live, with over three months to go before the birth. She wanted the baby born in England so doesn't want to go with her parents. She has no means of support as her lover Darren was still refusing to cooperate and besides he was out of work, had been for years, and was unlikely to provide any kind of child support in the foreseeable future, if ever and had hinted at moving abroad soon. Doug said they were prepared to pay Vi's half of the mortgage if I would allow her to move in. What do I do now? I said I would think it over. 39. Vi receives decree nisi. Sad day today, me marriage is finally over, the decree coming through today in the post. Mum and Dad are excited about the move to Spain and have said that whatever Jim decides, they will send me enough each months to may my rent for a small flat, but it will still mean I'll be on me own. I am so big now, even me stretch marks've got stretch marks. Me figure's gone west, just like me life, which sucks big time. I could cheerfully throttle that Darren creep. 40. Darren tweets to his 127 followers. Three replies, one offer, one show. Great send off, but shes gone first thing so no boner bonus morning glory! 41. Jim decides. August is happy, her Mummy is coming back to live with us in the morning and is excited about a new brother or sister coming in a couple of months or so. I had to bite my tongue before adding the word "half" to brother or sister. Although I sound like a wimp, having her back, it is the best practical option. I will sleep in the box room, while Vi and the cot will be in the master bedroom. I will put a TV with cable in the dining room for Vi to use in the evening, so I can have use of the living room; she can use that room whenever I don't need to. She will have to look after her own meals and washing, and we have divided the housekeeping between us. I will not have anything to do with child care, if she wants to go out she will have to arrange a baby sitter; she won't be able to call on her parents and certainly not me, except where August is concerned. 42. Darren tweets to his 132 followers. Nicked in Thailand for drug possession. I'm innocence, man. Honest. 43. Darren tweets to his 114 followers. Must have been her, the last night in LHR, blond tart @rosiegee with nice arse, she planted drugs in my bag, man. 44. August happy. It is so nice seeing my Mummy so cheerful this morning. She cooked my breakfast and did some for Daddy too, although he is still upset with her. Nanna and Gramps went away and won't be back till Christmas. They dropped off a lot o'loverly presents for Daddy and me and lots of baby stuff. It'll be good to see Mummy whenever I get home from school, I had missed her. Better than waiting hours for Daddy to get home from work or Auntie Rosie, who doesn't come round every afternoon as she used to. I miss Auntie Rosie, she's fun! 45. Darren tweets to his 13 followers. Consul legal adviser reckons I'll get eight years. If I ever find her I will kill that blond cow! THE END