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Old Friends, New Desires Pt. 01

By: Clemons



This turned out longer than I thought it would be when I first envisioned it, so there will be four parts over the next week. It could fit into several sections, but I believe it truly is a "Loving Wives" story. I have tried to make the characters sound like real people and would appreciate feedback on that. Speaking in a woman's voice was a challenge, and I would like feedback on that also, especially from any female readers. Celia's change is probably btoo abrupt for reality, but strange things happen when sex enters the equation.

*****

Breast cancer! I was terrified. My worst nightmare had come true. I couldn't think. I barely felt my husband's arms around me, holding me tight. My mother had died of breast cancer, as had some friends and acquaintances over the years. The survivors I knew often had a difficult time dealing with their new life and the effects of the cancer. I knew these were strong possibilities when I had the sample taken from my breast, but had kept that idea away from my consciousness as hard as I could. Now I, Celia James, had breast cancer.

I was told that a full mastectomy was the only solution. Fortunately, my left breast tested cancer free, but I was counseled about the idea of removing it, also, in order to avoid problems later. I said absolutely not. I was not going to further destroy my body on a chance. I'd deal with that later if I had to. I knew some women did that, but it seemed to me that giving up a cancer free breast was giving cancer total control of my life and my femininity. 

I was barely sane for the two weeks until the operation; only Dan, my husband, and my family and friends kept me from crying the entire time. Dan constantly smiled at me and told me I was not to worry, that medicine was much better than in my mother's time, and the cancer had been caught early, making treatment much more likely of success. Dan kept repeating that he would always love me, no matter my appearance after the operation. I knew he meant it, but wondered if it would be true when he saw my ugly body. Dreams of scars and sagging skin kept me awake; fears of death and disease clouded my waking hours.

I would not put a fake breast in my body; I had read too many articles about what happened when they failed and about how they never felt natural. Also, the doctor told me that I would probably need cosmetic surgery on my left breast to match. No more surgery than absolutely necessary was my statement. 

Dan helped by reminding me that he had mentioned many times about how he hated the look of implants. So, his reassurance helped, but like any woman, my breasts were part of my identity, my sexuality. I obsessed about this, but Dan strongly supported my decision; it was my body, my choice, he said. I had always loved him with all my heart, but his support during this awful time raised my love to an even higher level. Our children, our parents, and our best friends, Marty and Sam, stayed close and listened to my fears and consoled me.

I spent a lot of time looking back on my life, especially my marriage. Dan was a star baseball player in college and was movie star handsome. He certainly could date any girl in school. When he asked me to go to a U2 concert I was surprised, but he told me he had seen me at the baseball games and learned from a friend that I loved baseball. I had been on the softball team in high school but had ripped up my ACL chasing a ball into the stands.

It didn't take long for us to realize that we wanted to be together forever. On our second date we were kissing passionately in my apartment when I realized I wanted him, physically as well as emotionally. I had let some boys touch my breasts in high school, and as a college freshman I had let one boy I had been dating for a few months put his finger in me. It had been exciting, but that was all I had done sexually.

But when Dan stopped kissing me and leaned away to look me directly in my eyes, I knew what he wanted and I knew I wanted it too. I felt a warmth between my legs and it matched my desire. I took his hand and put it on my breast. He caressed it through the blouse for a moment, then slowly unbuttoned the top buttons and reached inside my bra. When he touched my nipple, I had to push myself into his hand wanting more.

He took my blouse and bra off and kissed my nipples. I could feel myself getting wet in my panties. I took his hand again and moved it to my thigh under my skirt. I never spent a moment worrying about going too fast; this was absolutely what I wanted. We didn't have any protection, so I had to wait another day to lose my virginity.

We married when I was 19; my parents said I was too young, but we have been married for 23 years. We have two children, Rachel 21 and in her senior year in college, and William 19 and a sophomore at the same college. It is a classic close knit family, loving and caring. My kids are smart and hardworking. They are honest and fair and honorable. Dan is 46, an engineer for a construction company, and I am second grade teacher, the best job in the world.

I kept one horrible thought to myself; I was afraid that Dan would not want to make love to me after the operation. I had always been just a little bit above average in the looks and beauty department. I am 5'6", 140 pounds, 15 pounds more than before the kids, and my face was always described by most people as pretty but Dan always called me beautiful. I have brown hair that has some body and sheen, aided by good hair dressers. My two best assets were my breasts and my butt. My breast were 34 C and held up firmly even after breast feeding. Dan had said very early on in our courtship, "Eileen, you have a great ass, a Brazilian ass." I had to ask him what that meant and giggled when he told me. 

But I was sure that a middle age teacher with a scar tissue instead of a breast would turn him away!

I thought of all of this and our love a lot in the weeks before the operation. It was a mixed blessing. It provided comfort and a center for my feelings, but it also reminded what I could lose.

When I awoke from the surgery, the doctors told me that it had gone better than they had hoped; I had no cancer cells in my lymph node, so none had been removed. I was happy, but I knew I no longer had a breast on my right chest. I dreaded removing the bandages.

Well, I finally did and saw the terrible results and went into a deep depression. Even after the drainage tubes had been removed and the scars lost their red, raw look, it took months to work out of it to an almost normal life. Dan held me and told me repeatedly how much he loved me and that his love had nothing to do with my breasts. 

But I didn't believe him, and I treated him badly in my depression; I ended our sex life. I hid my body from him and rebuffed any affectionate approaches. I didn't even want to be hugged in fear that my missing breast could make it awkward.

Dan told me it was all OK, that he still loved me. Perhaps he thought I'd get better and return to a normal life, but that didn't happen. In fact, I got worse; I had nightmares and everything seemed to remind me of what a monster I had become. 

One night about six months after the operation I was trying to sleep, and I half dreamed about and half remembered a night of passion Dan and I had shared before I learned about the cancer.

I opened the bedroom door just enough look inside and see my husband sitting on the bed looking back at me. I put one leg inside the door, showing my thigh high stocking and garter belt. Then I leaned forward, holding on to the door, and let my breasts hang down, held up by a very sheer bra. Then I walked into the room and looked at Dan while I ran my hands over my breasts and stomach, ending with a grasp at the front of the matching, sheer panties that barely covered my mound.

Turning sideways, I caressed and squeezed my ass as Dan focused intently on my hands as I touched myself. I stepped closer after a few minutes and started to undress slowly starting with the nylons. As I took off each piece, I tossed it at Dan who gathered them into his hands. When I threw my panties at him I told him to smell them even though I knew they were already wet and had my smell. He smiled as he complied.

Finally, I stood in front of him and watched him reach out to touch my breasts.

I sat up in bed, gasping for air, in a panic. No, he couldn't touch my breasts; I only had one. The other was just a scar. My memories of love and passion were now my nightmares. I sank deeper into my depression and desire to never let Dan touch me again. 

Dan told me it was all OK, that he still loved me. Perhaps he thought I'd get better and return to a normal life, but that didn't happen. Months went by, and I became reclusive and started shutting out my husband and children and friends.

I knew that I was creating an awful life for myself and my family. I wondered how long Dan would accept me this way; no sex or affection, almost no social activities. We stayed away from friends and even stopped seeing our children as much. I tried to not let it affect my teaching, but I had lost much of my personal affection with the children, and they knew it.

Old Friends, New Desires Pt. 02



Thanks to the readers who commented on Part one. I will get better at this with practice and advice.

*****

Finally, a way back came from an outside source. We had friends who had been married almost as long as we, and who were about our age. We had been close friends and companions for over 20 years, and they had visited me almost every day in the hospital. Marty, never Martha, a name she hated, was my chief support and shoulder to cry on other than Dan, and her husband Luke provided an outlet for Dan's fears and frustrations. Their home is right behind ours and the backyards had merged together into a play area for our kids and their three. We often spent time at each other's houses.

Dan told me one day that he had invited them over for dinner the next Friday. I didn't want to have anyone visit, even our best friends, but Dan simply, but somewhat sternly, said that it was a "done deal." I got mad at first; who was he to tell me what to do! But the remaining sane voice in my mind reminded me that he was my loving, suffering husband.

So, on a Friday evening in late May, Marty and Luke came over for some barbeque. I really wasn't a good hostess; I was very passive, and everyone seemed to be infected by that mood. We had switched from beer and wine after dinner to cocktails, but being a bit tipsy didn't seem to lighten the mood at all. Then Dan decided to take the conversation a little bit further than we usually shared and everything changed. 

We had talked about almost everything in 20 years, but other than some casual jokes and references to how kids slowed down our love lives, we stayed away from discussing details about personal sex lives. Marty and I had never had a "girls' talk" about our spouses or fantasies. I couldn't be positive about Dan and Luke, but neither seemed the type to sit around and get personal on anything, let alone sex; I was sure Dan wasn't.

On a warm May Friday night, the four of us were relaxing with drinks on our deck after a meal that Dan and I had prepared. Actually, Dan had done most of the work; he is a much better cook than I am. Marty and Luke were a bit more tipsy than I was, but Dan seemed to be staying up with them drink for drink, even after we switched from beer and wine to cocktails. Maybe that's why Dan decided to take the conversation a little bit further than we usually shared. 

He started with a somewhat personal question that was still in our comfort zone. "Listen, we all are about the same age, and we've been married a long time. I know that we share a lot of experiences and views, so our problems are probably going to be pretty much the same. So, I have a question. Is there anything that you guys (He called everyone guys.) wish were different in your lives? Something you wish you had done or not done. Something you want to change? Something to stay passionate." When he added passionate, they knew he was talking about sex.

There was silence for longer than usual, and Luke and Marty looked at each other sharing that wordless communication that long time couples have. I watched them, wondering how they would approach the question: Humorously, seriously, as simply the start to a general discussion of life. I knew where Dan was going with the question, and I was a bit nervous, so letting them take the lead was OK with me. It would be interesting to see how each would answer because, like Dan and me, Luke and Marty were a couple who had had a long marriage, a good one, but they were about as different as could be.

Marty was an extrovert, a happy, friendly, social person. She threw herself into new adventures and ideas with excitement; she was willing to try just about anything. While Dan and I travelled to beaches and tourist towns, Marty pushed Luke into river rafting, and sky diving; they visited towns off the tourist list. Sometimes they had a great time, sometimes not. But Marty was always ready for the next adventure. Marty taught at the same school I did, first grade. Her class was always loud, mostly from her. The kids had fun and learned a lot. Parents signed up on a list for her class. She would tell you the truth even when it was inconvenient; she didn't hide her opinion. She could be loud and sometimes just hummed or sang songs.

What made it a bit strange was that Marty is an itty-bitty woman. She is only about 5'2" and weighs about 100 pounds. She could have passed for a young girl if you didn't get too close to see the laugh lines around her eyes. She had natural red hair and green eyes and small breasts that she complained about to me often, although I knew she was happy with her body. Her ass was small, but still tight and round. Dan thought it was her sexiest feature. So did I; remember, mine is getting a bit large. She dressed just a bit on the far side of flirtatiously, skirts a bit too short, pants and shirts a bit too tight. But she was so small that it all seemed appropriate for her. She did get a lot of stares from men, including Dan.

Luke was so unlike his wife, physically and psychologically, that I sometimes wondered how they had ever gotten together. First of all, he towered over her; he was close to six feet tall and had a robust, muscular body. Both of them exercise every day, and he has defined muscles and a six pack. Dan and I had wondered how they made love; her face was about on a level with his chest. But Marty was the touching, PDA type and kissed him often in front of us. They managed the contact easily enough.

Luke was also much quieter than his wife; he usually let her take the majority of the conversations. But when he did talk, he was worth listening to. He was an engineer and often spoke very logically; it was clear he thought things through before deciding and speaking. One big asset was that he was a great story teller; he could be serious and very funny. Even relating his daily events could turn into a funny story. I think he was more comfortable with a format, a guideline than just conversing.

I have to admit that I had thought about how touching his chest would be like and - I was embarrassed about this when I told Dan. - what holding his ass would be like. Dan thought it was funny because he had fantasized about Marty's ass. We shared fantasies like that often. As part of keeping our sex life compelling, we even went to public places and picked out people that we found attractive, or just specific body parts that fit our ideal sex object. I usually agreed with Dan's choices, but he often saw mine and asked if that was really my type. I think there must be a psychological point to that but decided not to bother with it and just have fun.

Luke and Marty took much more time to answer than I had thought they would, so I knew that the answer was going to be serious, not a joke. Finally, Marty answered. "We have had feelings like that, just a few years ago" she admitted. "We talked about it. It wasn't a lack of love or passion, as I'm sure it's not for you. It was the loss of the newness that age brings to everything, even sex. Many couples either don't feel it strongly, or just accept it, we believe. That was our conclusion, at least. But we wanted that feeling back. I thought to myself that it sounded like our conclusion, but trying new things hadn't solved our problem. Then she surprised us.

"We tried different fantasies, role playing. You know, nurse and doctor, cop and crook. I particularly liked the two strangers' scene. We even tried a little bit of discipline and bondage." I was shocked, both that they had tried it and that they were telling us. I looked at Dan and could tell he was also surprised, but, like me, he wanted to hear more. We sat and listened.

"We tried it both ways," Luke offered. "With each of us taking turns being dominant or submissive. Those are the terms we found when we looked up BDSM in the computer."

I asked what BDSM meant. Luke seemed a bit reticent but Marty quickly answered. "It stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. Some of it is very ugly looking and seems dangerous, but we stuck to few basic ideas." She paused for a couple of seconds; she looked a bit puzzled. It dawned on me that she was deciding how much more to say. "I have to admit that I liked it when I was tied up and when I tied Luke up. The idea of being in someone else's control or having the same control was a real turn on. I also liked being spanked on my ass, but Luke wasn't aroused by being spanked at all." I think my mouth opened a bit at that. 

"I liked the bondage, too, "Luke offered. "I liked touching Marty, knowing that she had to let me do whatever I wanted to." He hesitated for a moment, then seemed to decide something. "I liked getting her ready to climax and then slowing down so she had to wait for it."

Marty was almost laughing. "At first, I was really mad at him, but when I came, er, sorry, climaxed, it was terrific."

I was reeling from this news, and I realized I was very turned on. I was even getting wet thinking about it. At first I pictured Marty and Luke doing the bondage, then I pictured Dan doing it to me. I realized that I had unconsciously started holding my breast. I looked over at Dan and saw a tightening of his shorts. He had an erection! I looked back at Marty and saw her looking at it as well.

I had to know more. I started asking questions. "Do you still do it?"

"Yes," Marty said without hesitation. She didn't stop there. "We have bought some toys online to make it more realistic."

"Like what," I almost yelled.

"Well, some handcuffs, velvet ropes with straps, a couple of belts and whips, and even a ..." She stopped, and even the dim light from the deck's lone lamp showed that she was blushing.

I couldn't imagine what she wouldn't say after the revelations so far. I wanted to beg her to tell us, but settled for the old "If you've gone this far, you have to finish." line.

Marty looked at Joe and he shrugged his shoulders. She avoided looking at Dan and looked straight at me. "We have some butt plugs."

I was so naïve that I wasn't sure what she meant. I stammered, "What, what ... it's a ... what?"

I wasn't making it easier for Marty. She looked at Dan finally, and he smiled and shrugged his shoulders. So she answered in Marty-like fashion, straightforward and blunt. "It's a smooth, oval shaped piece of metal that Joe sticks up my ass."

I could barely breathe. I couldn't move. I wasn't really seeing anyone for a while. So many thoughts were running through my head. Who were these people I thought I knew? How had a simple after dinner conversation led to this? A butt plug! I had always thought of anal intercourse as something dirty, and Dan had never brought it up, so I never had to think about it. Wait. If they used a plug... I blurted out the question before I thought. "Do you have anal sex, too?"

Everyone laughed. At first I was hurt, but quickly saw how funny it must have sounded. I was the one pushing the limits. "I'm sorry, but it seemed like a logical question, and, I just wanted to know. No, I still want to know."

Marty was full on in total disclosure mode now. "Yes, we do. We went years only talking about it once in a while, but I was always afraid. Luke is, is, well Ok, he's rather large." 

I was shocked again, not surprised, but this was way too intimate for me to absorb while staying calm. I looked at Dan and found him staring at me. He's really surprised, too, I thought. Then I looked at his face and saw something else there, as if he were gauging my reaction. What!

"How did you start doing it?" I asked. I still craved more information.

To my surprise, Luke answered. He was good at explaining details. "We told you that when we started bondage that we did some research; we found a few interesting things. One was that anal sex is pretty popular today. Sex researchers say that more and more people are trying it now than since they began tracking those kinds of things. 

"Second, there is a set of rules that are designed to take the fear and danger out of the bondage and discipline. For example, it's really just play acting with some serious stunts. Nobody has to do anything they haven't agreed to try beforehand. Plus there is a "safe word" that the submissive partner, the one who is receiving the B and D, can use that instantly stops everything."

"I used that a lot at the beginning," Marty said. "Almost everything we did at first scared me a bit, but Luke stopped as soon as I said stop. Eventually, that made me worry less and allowed me to take a few more chances and give Luke a bit more time."

"Your stop word was stop?" Dan asked with a small laugh. 

"Yeah, at first, but we soon realized that I would say stop as part of the game, when I didn't want to stop, but Luke did stop. So we changed it to pineapple." She saw the bewildered look on our faces and said, "Well, I really hate pineapple."

There was a lull in the talking for a second; I think everyone was taking time to adjust to this new information and the new state of our relationship. I looked around and noticed that the others seemed to be lost in reflection, not looking carefully at each other. I was. Dan still had the erection and was readjusting his shorts to make it more comfortable. Luke was rubbing Marty's back and shoulders. And Marty was adjusting her skirt which had become bunched up while she leaned forward and talked. Somehow, the skirt ended up higher on her thighs than before. I knew that just a few inches away would be her panties. I looked at Dan again and knew that he had seen the skirt move up. He was still looking at it.

To my surprise, I realized I was still holding my left breast with my right hand, and now I was actually moving my hand in circles over it. I was embarrassed, but I didn't stop. I looked at Marty again and she was staring directly into Dan's eyes. Her mouth was open and her breathing made a very soft sound with each exhalation. I broke the silence with another question. "How did you feel during the anal sex? Didn't it hurt?"

"Yep. It did. But we took it slow for a few weeks adding a little bit at a time until it stopped hurting and Luke's co..., umh, penis was all in. The research we did said that there are thousands of nerve endings in your butt. That makes it hurt more at first, but when you adjust, it adds to the pleasure. It was kinda' like the whipping." 

I reacted like a teenager. "Oh my God!" They had mentioned buying whips, but I hadn't thought beyond that to actually using them. "You whip each other?" I couldn't stop asking.

"Well," Luke responded, "I have to admit that I do most of the whipping; I'm not too happy with getting whipped. It's selfish of me, I know; I should stop using the whips and canes on Marty, but I love to see her ass turn red. Most of the time I use my hand." 

"And, I have to admit, that every time he does it, it starts out hurting, but in a little while, I start getting wet, turned on." Marty had a big smile on her face when she said it, but she looked at our faces and must have seen us just gaping at her. "I'm sorry if that was too much information."

"That's OK," said Dan. "By now, a little bit of plain speaking seems appropriate."

"Well, then, I get a boner as hard as a rock," Joe offered with a smile.

"Which I put to good use," Marty added with her own smile.

I had been pushed beyond my limits of decorum by then. At least, what used to be my limits. My brain was reeling with pictures, ideas, desires, and confusion. It was all shocking, but most of all, I was overcome by my reaction to know more, more details, more examples. I decided to give everyone a chance to regroup, and asked if anyone wanted another drink or a snack. All of us wanted another snack, so Dan and Luke started making some. Marty and I went into the kitchen for snacks.

When we were alone, Marty immediately started talking; she seemed a bit subdued, even worried. "Celia, I'm sorry if this has been a mistake, if it has been terrible for you. We got carried away, but we don't want to hurt our best friends. I'm so sorry." She started crying.

I moved toward her, held her in my arms, and told her that it was the exact opposite, that Dan and I appreciated that we were such good friends that they could share all this with us. "If you want to know the truth, I'm quite turned on, and I think Dan has an erection. Wait, plain speaking, he has a hard on. And, we want to hear more."

"Really?" Marty hugged me harder and laughed. "That is so wonderful to hear. To tell the truth, Luke and I have talked about telling you before, but we never seemed to get that intimate. We wanted to share this new phase of our life with someone who understood us and cared for us. This is perfect."

I was still terribly curious. "Good, but, Marty, tell me the truth. Do you really get excited about all this, bondage, spanking, whipping? Or do you say you do for Luke?"

"No, no. I love it. I'll tell you a secret. When I masturbate, I think about being tied up or about Luke beating my ass." She paused, looked thoughtful, then asked me, "Tell me Celia, what you think about when you masturbate? I know that's really personal, but it seems that privacy has gone out the window tonight. I wonder what fantasies or memories you use since I've told you mine."

I kept quiet for a minute and thought. Marty was right, personal, private parts of our lives seemed less important now. But I didn't want to answer the question. Still, I guessed I owed Marty the truth. "I don't masturbate anymore." That's all I said. I was more embarrassed by that admission than by anything else that night. I hadn't masturbated in several years; I purposely didn't think about it. But tonight I had to face the fact that part of my sex life was gone. I began to add that to the unrest I had felt about sex and was not happy with what it seemed to say.

"Really! That's so sad. I couldn't go more than a few days without sticking my fingers in my pussy." Marty had let polite language go, but that was OK with me. The word "pussy" was the right word. I have a pussy and like most of the world's people, I had grown up making myself climax. No, cum. Maybe it was time to start using some real words, not medical terms. Marty went on. "What stops you? Wait, given your reaction tonight, is it that you can't find something to get excited about? What is it?"

"I haven't thought about it." Then, an idea just popped into my head and I thought about it for a few seconds. "Marty, it's worse than that. I just realized that I can't remember getting wet at all, for a long time, unless Dan and I were having sex." I felt like crying.

Marty stepped forward and hugged me. It was comforting, but awkward. Her head rested across the top of my breasts. I was suddenly aware that I was paying more attention to her head on my chest than her comforting me. My attention was distracted when Marty reached around me and grabbed my ass.

"We have to get this working again. Gotta' shake your ass up. Sex with hubby is great, but you have to feel like a woman again. Someone who can turn men on, who can flaunt this great ass of yours." She let go and stepped back. "Tell me the truth, what is your real reaction to what Luke and I told you tonight?"

"I'm not sure," I lied. Marty simply crossed her arms, glared at me, and struck a pose that yelled, Tell me the truth. Damn. It was time for truth. "I got wet. I haven't thought about all of it or what parts I would want, but the thought of doing something so different, so daring, got me wet." I braced myself. "I want to try it." It felt so good, so right to say that. "I want to try all of it." 

I was excited about sex! I could feel the stirrings of a change in my attitude. Hadn't thought about my missing breast or felt that I couldn't be a part of any sexual situation because I was deformed. Then I realized that not only Dan, but Marty and Luke didn't seem at all hesitant to be in a sexual experience like this with me. Dan's repeated promise that the loss f a breast didn't affect my sexuality was finally sinking home.




Old Friends, New Desires Pt. 02



Marty laughed out loud and hugged me again. "Well, let's see what Dan says."

I panicked; I hadn't thought that far ahead. Dan would think I wanted to be a slut. "No, wait. I can't tell Dan. He's almost as straight-laced as I am. He'll be upset."

"I doubt it. Not with the size of the hard on I saw in his pants is any indication." She grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the deck.

Dan and Luke had moved to chairs next to each other; I saw them look at each other as we came back out. I wondered if they had talked about it and what they thought. Of course, that was stupid. They're men; they had to have talked about it. But they weren't going to have anything to say with Marty at full throttle.

"OK. Here's the way it's gonna' be. Luke and I have found something special and satisfying. Celia wants the same thing. And the same way. So she wants to learn about bondage and whipping and anal. And we are going to teach her. Dan, if you are the man I think you are. You're going to join your wife with everything you've got, and I mean everything."

Wow, that was quick, to the point, and frightening. Anal? I didn't know about that. But I didn't say anything. I was afraid to, but I looked straight at Dan, as Marty and Luke were doing.

Dan looked at me, stood up, walked over to me, and took both my hands in his "I love my wife. Her happiness is my goal. And I am a man. Let's do this." That was all, but it was so much. I held him so tight that I could feel his erection pressing against my belly. I was pushing my breasts into his chest as hard as I could. We held ourselves like that for a minute or so, a lifetime. When we separated a bit, there was a silence. Dan broke it with, "Alright, now what?" We all laughed so hard that tears came to our eyes.

I was surprised that it was Luke who spoke. "Well, I have a plan, but you may hate it and think I'm a perv, but I believe it's the best thing to do. Marty and I took a long time to get to the comfort and pleasure level we have now, and there were some miscues along the way. Some of them almost derailed the whole process. She won't admit it, but I think I hurt Marty a few times. Both of us got frustrated. If it hadn't been for Marty's insistent, adventurous nature, I'm not sure that we would have stuck with it." He paused and I wondered where this was going; so did Dan and Marty by their expressions.

"So, I don't mean to be saying you don't want a challenge, but I'm not sure that without someone like Marty most couples would keep going. And, excuse me for this, while I love you two and respect you more than anyone else I know, I wonder if you have that kind of drive. I know I didn't." He stopped to let us think about that. I looked at Dan, but he didn't hesitate.

"I think you are right on both counts," he admitted. "This is a very big step, and we want to have all the help we can get. Especially if it can guarantee that nobody gets hurt. That it should help us get to the stage that you are in sooner is a bonus. So what are you suggesting?" Yeah, what? I wondered.

"Well, I think that Marty and I ought to be there when you start," he announced. He stopped to let that sink in. Dan turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. His expression was neutral; I had the feeling that this was going to be my decision, but I wanted him to let me know what he was thinking. I asked him.

"First," he replied, "I need to hear more from Luke about the whole plan."

Before answering, Luke turned to Marty. "I know this is a surprise to you to. Since this is so sudden, I am flying a bit blind here, but I really do believe this is the best way for our friends. But I won't continue this unless it's OK with you."

Marty faced him with a laugh. "Honey, you do remember who I am, don't you?"

We all laughed. Of course Marty would say that. We all knew her well enough to know that. Laughing broke some of the tension we all felt, and made Luke's task easier.

"Well, that wasn't unexpected," Luke said. "Well, I'll go on. I'm not suggesting a wife swapping deal. We'll be there to show you how to use the toys, how to gauge your pain levels, what lotions and lubricants are the best. As soon as you feel you're ready, it will be just the two of you. Well, take some time to think about it, and tell us what you want to do. Oh, do you have any questions?"

Dan reached over and took my hand. He told Luke and Marty to wait a minute for us to talk. Thank god; I didn't know what to think. That's not true, though; my brain was in a turmoil, but the wetness between my legs knew exactly what it wanted.

I never let my desires get the best of me, I thought. Thinking that, I suddenly knew. Part of the problem for both of us was that we didn't let our desires rule us. Our passion in sex was the physical act itself. Having sex is a desire, but being human let me know that there were many aspects of life, sex, that existed that we, I, had never even thought about. 

When we went looking for new ideas, we always looked where we were most likely to find answers that were safe. Even though we were looking for new ideas, we actually didn't think about the ways we would truly be able to find one. Now one, several, really, had been dropped in our lap with most of the work already done and great teachers. I knew what I wanted.

I told Dan. He was silent for almost a minute. Then he said, "Whatever you want would be enough for me to agree. But I will tell you, so you don't feel this was your idea and I just went along with it, that I want it, too. The idea of watching and being watched turns me on."

I was surprised. With all my thoughts about what this all meant sexually, the acts themselves, I hadn't considered that aspect. But I almost immediately went through a transformation. From "That's really creepy; I don't want people looking at me naked, having sex to another brand new thought. Watching other people and being watched. That thought hit me at the same time my legs involuntarily pressed together, putting my lips together, making me think about how sexy it really sounded. Damn, we wanted to change and this was the opportunity.

I said that to Dan. He asked me one question. "Do you think there is a chance that this will ruin our friendship with them? And, more importantly, will we regret it between ourselves?"

I thought about both ideas for a short time. "No, I think no to both. Luke and Marty are offering this themselves; they're that type. If things start to go bad, we'll stop it immediately. As for us, well, it's an exciting idea. We are adults and know what we will be getting into. If we promise each other that it is an experiment, a challenge, not an act of infidelity. If we start to feel uncomfortable with Marty and Luke around, we stop and know that everything is the result of a decision by each, by both of us. We have been looking for something." We kissed, a short one although Dan did force his tongue in and went back to the patio.

"We agree," Dan said. I said it too. Before either of them could reply, I told them about our discussion; they both were visibly relieved.

"That's wonderful," Marty said, as she rushed up to me and hugged me as hard as she could. I hugged her back, but I was concentrating on the feelings I had as she brought her head to my breast and pushed them against her. After a minute of rubbing her face all over my breasts, she told me how she felt about the feeling.

"I can fell just how big they are. So soft. No one could ever snuggle on my boobs, my tits." Then she pulled back a bit and told me to say "tits." I was a bit lost and asked her why. She told me to loosen up my language. "You can't go on saying breasts and vagina. You don't have to be filthy, although that's an option, but using some common dirty words can be a spark. No one wants to fuck a vagina. But a pussy? Now that's want we want." I noticed that she said "we."

OK, so I'll say she had rubbed her face into my tits, my boobs. We started to talk again.



Old Friends, New Desires Pt. 03



I want to thank the members who provided thoughtful and helpful comments; I was impressed and grateful. I don't know if I succeeded with all my goals, but I came close thanks to several suggestions and comments I appreciated. One question I would like to answer. Yes, there are several categories this could have been entered in, but I think it really is a loving wife story. And loving husband and friend.

*****

"So, when do you want to start this," Luke asked.

"Right now," I responded without hesitation. Everybody looked at me. I had been pretty loud.

"Umh, OK," Luke said rather hesitantly. "Look, you might be just carried away right now, maybe all of us have had a bit too much to drink. Why, I'll bet this is just a way to not allow yourselves time to chicken out."

"Right now," Dan said with conviction. He always supported me. I felt even better about it all.

"That's great!" Marty's face and voice tone left no doubt that she was excited and happy.

I surprised myself again; I must have felt this down deep. "I want to see Luke spank Marty," I blurted. I could feel myself blushing almost immediately. The idea that I had exposed a little too much about myself was embarrassing. But I didn't say anything else.

Marty laughed. "Good for you. Knowing what you want is a big part of succeeding, of being happy with trying new things. Truth is an absolute must. And it sounds good to me." She turned her back to me and rubbed her ass with both hands. "Should we use some kind of whip or paddle, little Miss 'I see sex.'"

"No." Again, I knew exactly what I wanted; I could already see it in my imagination. The turmoil between my legs got worse, or better, maybe. "I want Luke to use his hand right on your bare bottom."

"My bare bottom? Wow, I'm really liking this. Past my panties and everything. Fine by me." Marty reached down, dropped her shorts and stepped out of her panties. That quickly, she was bare from her waist down. She had obviously shaved her pussy; it was totally bare. I had all my pubic hair; it wasn't a lot, but it had never been trimmed. I could see her pussy lips clearly, and I could easily see her wetness; it was clear because she had no hair. I wondered what Dan was thinking, but that was OK; he had supported me so far and I wouldn't be jealous now.

Marty was obviously very aroused, and she hadn't finished shocking me. She walked up to me and took my hand and placed it on her bottom. "Is this what you want to see spanked, to see turn red? Go ahead, squeeze it. You're the one who is telling me to give it up. Of course, I really want it, too. I want to feel Luke's hand slap me hard, making it sting. But you're the one asking me to do it, so be a part of it." I almost took my hand away as a first reaction, but Marty held it there. I suddenly realized that this was part of the sex game, but it was also a kind of test. Would I have the nerve to do it? Or, maybe, did I have the desire? Slowly, I started to rub my hand over her ass.

The feel of naked flesh, firm but soft, occupied my thoughts for a moment. Then it hit me, hard; I was holding a woman's ass, my best friend's ass. Her butt was smaller than mine and tighter. I moved my fingers apart and started moving my hand all over her ass. When I pushed two fingers between her cheeks, Marty made a small sound, a slow "Yes" and pushed her tits (Not breasts.) into my chest, well, the lower part. I felt them and knew that I liked the feeling. 

I suppose that never having had any experience with a woman before was part of my feeling so excited, but the main idea was simply that it was sex, physical and personal, and I had denied it for so long.

Her husband was watching me do it. My husband was watching me increase my hold on her right butt. I squeezed harder. I liked it. Hell, I loved it. Didn't think that it was the wrong thing to do, a sin or dirty, or something. The old ideas that I had always had about public sex, other women, being an aggressor were dropping away. I never wanted them back. Marty took my hand off her ass.

When I had put my hands on her and pulled her crack open, I wanted to grab my pussy and stick fingers in and rub my clit. I wanted to cum. It was overpowering. I had never felt like this before. I didn't know if it was of touching another woman, being outside, or knowing this was the most adventurous sensual experience that I'd ever had. I had roamed my hands all over her tight, small butt. It was so unlike mine. And it turned me on like I was 17 again, feeling a dick for the first time. For holding a woman's ass! I put my hand inside my panties.

Dan didn't hide the fact that he had to move his dick inside his pants to stop some of the strain as he watched me feel Marty's ass. I turned to Luke and saw he had the same problem, but I also could tell that he had, well, a bigger problem. I just kept staring, and he saw me, looked right at me and kept moving his dick. Hell, his cock. The word made me even hotter.

Then Marty walked over to Luke and they started kissing, passionately. There was a lot of tongue, and kissing on the ear and neck. They began to let their hands roam. First running lightly up and down their bodies. But soon Luke reached down and cupped Marty's left tit through her sweater; she jumped a bit at his touch. He squeezed it, roughly I thought. But that was what I wanted, too. 

Dan had come up beside me, holding my hand. The tension in each of us was obvious. Luke stepped back and took Marty's light sweater off her leaving her completely naked. He started to bury his face in her tits, to move his mouth around from nipple to side, to in between. They were small as Marty always said, but they fit her perfectly, were part of a total sex package, and Luke was concentrated on them as if the world had gone away. Marty was giving herself to him completely. She moaned and pressed hard into him. We made it public, but they were in their own world now.

I felt a hand between my legs. Dan had found my hand inside my shorts, and he was pushing my shorts and hand hard into my pussy. I moved my left hand down and unbuttoned my shorts. Dan pulled them down my thighs, lowering them. As his hand pulled them down and touched my legs, I felt as if every nerve in my body was alive and reacting.

When he moved my hand aside and put his hand inside my panties and grabbed my pussy, I couldn't wait. I was too far gone in lust. I came, long and hard. My body twisted against his; I wanted to become part of his body, to touch it all. I heard myself moaning .It was more than a minute before the orgasm ended, a long time for me. Dan held me tight the whole time. He whispered into my ear. "That made this worthwhile right there. I loved it."

I wanted him again. But he had turned to watch Marty and Luke. Another jump forward, I thought, one I would have told you 20 minutes ago I would never see. Marty had Luke's cock in her mouth and was making loud, wet noises around it. She had grabbed his balls and held hard. He jerked his body against her hold, but I heard him tell her to squeeze tighter. It was the most erotic sight I had ever seen. I was feeling the tightness between my legs again. I had given Dan blow jobs during the years, but I was always afraid of choking or having him cum in my mouth. My fears had caused him to not seek it often.

But this was something I had never imagined about oral sex. Luke kept his eyes locked on Marty's head bobbing back and forth on his cock. I could tell she would stop a bit and run her tongue over the head and sides of his dick. She sucked on the underside of his cock just below the head and Luke would draw in his breath sharply.

Marty didn't slow down at all. She wanted his sex. She held his balls with her right hand, sucked his dick deep inside her mouth, probably her throat, too. She had her left hand between her legs, obviously driving two fingers inside her pussy. Once, she pulled her hand out, dripping with her liquid sex, and put the fingers in her mouth. Again, this was a new, exciting sight to me. I knew I would have just thought of how dirty it was if I had heard about it before this. Now, now I wanted her to put them in my mouth. What I had thought of as the reality of my sex life was long gone.

It took several minutes, but Luke started giving a grunting sound pushed through his teeth. Marty told him, "Wait, give me a few more seconds." She increased her masturbating by grabbing her pussy hard, holding it so tightly that I felt a sympathy pain in my snatch. That's a good word. She yelled at Luke. "Now, now, now!" She kept saying that as cum splattered all over her face. 

She kept on shouting "Now!" as her body started shaking. She was lost in a world of orgasmic pleasure. Luke's dick was still hard, and I was unable to look at anything else. It was longer and thicker than Dan's. That might not guarantee anything, but it was a thrill to think about. Would he be able to fit it all in me? Would the thickness rub against my clit more? I suddenly felt guilty; I shouldn't be thinking about that. It wasn't a swapping event. 

But I knew, as with the entire evening, it wasn't the specific sex acts, it was the total reawakening of my life, my senses, my sexual being. Touching Marty, watching Luke and Marty having sex, thinking about Luke's size weren't going to make me a lesbian or want to have sex in public. I didn't want to have sex with anyone but Dan. All of this was an event, an electric shock to my nearly dead desires.

I looked at Dan. He had his dick in his hand and was jerking off. That did it for me. I pulled my shorts off my legs and grabbed my pussy, hard. Once more, the climax was almost immediate. I did manage to get my finger in this time, but soon forgot about it as the painful pleasure, the heat, of cumming overtook me, and I had no conscious thoughts. I felt hot and sensitive all over my body. My nipples stood out so hard they hurt. Then I heard a familiar sound; Dan was cumming and making his usual low moaning sounds. At the last second, I grabbed his cock and held tight. He pushed his cum out, in one continuous burst.

We stood together like that, absurdly happy. Then, Marty spoke up. "We saw the last of that. You sure didn't seem to have any sex problems with that show." Dan and I looked at each other. She was right. It had been pure sex, really base level sex. But we had been in touch the whole time, helped each other climax. We had enjoyed it and each other.

But my curiosity was still working in overdrive. "Is there any reason other than for the joy of it that you just did that?" I asked.

"Two," Said Luke. "I wanted to test your reaction to something so sexual and so open. If you couldn't take it, you couldn't do what I suggested." That was Luke. So clinical.

Marty stared at him for a second. "Well, that's news to me. I did it because I can't just start into the games without being turned on. A lot! I want, need, to feel ready to go to bigger climaxes before we play. You should both keep that in mind, but especially you, Celia. Being wet helps a lot. Now, are you ready for your dream to come true?" 

Luke smiled and said, "And reason number two was that we enjoyed it."

"More than ready," I answered Marty. "I'm excited. I don't think I have ever felt like this before." Suddenly, I had an awful thought. That might have been an insult to Dan. I realized that he hadn't had much to say during all of this. He had supported me and certainly enjoyed and participated in the sex. But I had been the one who pushed the idea, who stated a desire to see a couple in a sex act, a nasty one as I had believed. Had I forced him into this, made him go along to keep me happy? It seemed to be my desire more than his. Did he believe that my reaction had been based on Luke and his big dick? I had said I had never felt like this before! 

I told Marty and Luke that Dan and I had to speak again and that we would go to the kitchen and get some more drinks. Marty wanted another Jack and coke, but Luke switched to plain water. 

When we got to the kitchen, I told Dan about my fears. He asked me what had caused them specifically. "Well, I just said that I was turned on like never before, and that may be an insult to you. I love you so much and I love the way you make love to me. I don't want you to think I want sex with Luke. I don't want to think that I'm pushing you into something you don't want to do, and I've been asking all the questions, and I've been so excited and sure of what I wanted, and you haven't said much and..." I was babbling. 

Dan reached up to my face and put his hand on my mouth. "Shh, shh," he whispered. "Don't get so upset. It's OK; it's all OK." He was speaking softly and slowly. He took his hand from my mouth and stepped forward and hugged me. "I will always want to make you happy, but not at the expense of our marriage. If I didn't agree with this and still went ahead, it would lead to bad feelings eventually. I'd be jealous and insecure. But I do want to do this; for me, as a guy, let's face it, it's an experience any guy would want. But you mean more to me than any fantasy I have. " He stepped back a bit and looked me in the eyes. 

"Look, I haven't had much to say because I have agreed to what you, all three of you, I guess, have been saying. I haven't stopped thinking, figuring out the possible outcomes of what we are going to do. I thought you were sexy being decisive, taking the lead. I didn't know you were worried, or I would have let you know how much I agreed with you." I felt better; he had said, "...of what we are going to do." He was just as prepared as I was. Of course, he added, "Besides, you know how much I like Marty's ass." I gave him a fake exasperated look and hugged him.

I grabbed his ass and pushed it hard against me. He pulled away a bit and knelt down to help me lower my shorts and panties again. He began to squeeze my ass hard. Then he squeezed even harder. It hurt a little. I moved away from him and said that holding me that tight hurt. His response shocked me. And it changed our marriage forever.

"Good." I held very still. Did he mean to punish me? Then I realized what he really meant. We were starting our new sex life. "How does this feel," he asked as he pinched one cheek tightly. "Or this," as he grabbed my left cheek so hard that I winced a little. He held on. I looked right into his eyes, felt the pain start to reach my pussy as pleasure, and said, "Tighter!" He did. Then he slowly reached up with his right hand, under my blouse and touched my nipple.

It was very hard by now. I knew he loved my nipples, even though I thought they were probably pretty average. He usually caressed them, ran his fingers across them. But this was a new day. He pinched it tightly. He held it roughly and twisted it. It hurt like hell. But he kept on doing it, never letting go of my ass. I should have screamed, forced him away. Instead, I kept looking in his eyes and said, "Tighter."

He laughed, let go of me long enough to put both arms around me and pull me tight against him. I could feel his erection against my thighs; we had been together so long that I could tell it was as hard as I had ever felt it.

We stayed that way for a minute, tightly locked together, when Marty came in asking about the drinks. She laughed and said that this was what she had expected to find, or more. I told her she had missed the "more." "Well, it's time we moved on to your fantasy," she announced.

We finally got the drinks and went back to the deck. I saw the kitchen clock and saw it was only eleven; all of this had happened in only five hours. Marty and Luke were still nude, and Marty gave Dan and me a "Well, we're waiting!" look while she moved a hand down her body. It took a second before Dan looked at me and stripped. After all that had happened, I was surprised to realize that I was still embarrassed, that I was nervous. But it only took a few moments to remove my blouse and bra; they were almost off after Dan's actions in the kitchen.

I didn't know what to expect next. Luke took Marty's hand, and they walked very close to us, less than a foot away. Marty was in front of Dan and Luke was very close to me. I waited. Luke spoke in his calm, orderly way. "We have all had some sex already, but it was a start, an erotic start, to a more serious and long term relationship. Marty and I are going to reveal our love to you; not just sexually, although that will be the way we show it, but also emotionally. We don't have just sex. Even if it seems different, even weird to you, to us it's love, always making love. I don't want strangers watching us. I know we have known each other for a very long time, but this is different. This is deeper than just being good friends."

He stopped speaking and looked at Marty who held his hand and smiled at him tenderly. Dan and I looked at each other; he said, "I agreed to follow you" and smiled. My eyes met Marty's who just smiled at me. I was expecting her to say something; she usually does. But this was now up to me.

I turned to Luke and stared into his eyes for a minute, maybe two. Nobody moved. Then I reached out and hugged him as Dan held Marty closely.

I reached with my left hand and felt both of Luke's shoulders. I moved them up and gently touched his face; it was more angular than Dan's smooth, more rounded face. Luke's lips were smaller, and I knew I loved Dan's more generous lips for kissing.

I had a revelation. I knew that I would find more differences between my husband and his best friend. I would probably like some of Luke's body more than Dan's. But none of that mattered. Dan was the only love of my life. Always had been and always would be. Luke had been right. We experimenting with sex; it had started this whole experience. But I knew, knew in my heart and soul that all of this was so Dan and I could rekindle and express our love in different ways. 

That caused a flash of self-recognition that overwhelmed me. It was as if a dam had broken and all the repression I had been keeping to myself had spilled out. What had I been doing to myself and Dan all these months? What was wrong with me? For the first time since I had heard the news about the cancer, I opened my mind to my life, not the fear and despair I had been feeling. I had allowed the fear of the cancer to control me; I had been thinking of the deaths of relatives and friends and panicked. 

My reaction had been extreme, had pushed all sources of love and help away. I knew, just understood for the first time that there had to be something wrong with me that had been dredged up by the cancer. An instantaneous thought, but I knew it was true. I had been sure that I was going to die! That fear had ruled me, nearly ruined me, and I hadn't acknowledged it before.

Now I had been faced with life, real people and sex and love. The source of my depression was still there inside me, but I now knew it existed and could find it and beat it with the love of my husband and the help of my friends. None of this evening's experiences would have been allowed into my world before. But I had been so false to myself that I needed this extreme set of events to jolt me back to reality.

No one had mentioned my scars, looked at me with pity or disgust. Hell, I hadn't even thought about my missing breast when I took my clothes off; I had only thought about the fact that I had never done such a thing before. 

I stepped back a bit, dropping my hands from Luke's face. I saw that Dan and Marty were not touching and appeared surprised, perhaps a bit worried that I had stopped. I told all of them what I had just discovered; my heartfelt love was obvious to them. Then all three of them came together to hug me. Marty was crying. Dan whispered to me that he loved me more than he thought possible. 

Marty broke up the moment with her usual exuberance. "Let's move on to the main attraction, me and my ass."




Old Friends, New Desires Pt. 03



We all laughed, and I even cried a bit. Marty was going to keep us lighthearted, keep me from dwelling on the past few months.

She walked over to a chair, leaned over with her hands on the arms, and, smiling, said to Luke," I'm ready. Are you up to it big boy?" 

He didn't say a word, just stepped forward and stood close and to the side of Marty's offered ass. He rubbed his right hand over her cheeks firmly, but not roughly. Then he slapped her several times with a very light touch. Marty bent over more and pushed her butt at him. He spanked her again with more force, then caressed her more.

Finally, he asked, "Are you ready, love?" Marty just nodded.

He spanked her with more force, continuing for about ten more slaps getting harder and harder. By about the fifth one, I could see that Marty was reacting to the pain. She had clenched her jaw and held her lips together tightly. Luke kept on spanking her, alternating with slow caresses. He was obviously using some force; Marty's ass started to turn red. But he was in control of his force and never seemed carried away.

They talked to each other, asking about how it felt and reassuring each other that this was what they wanted. Marty was moaning a bit and taking short, quick breaths. She told him once to spank harder.

Then she started the same "Now, now..." chant she had used earlier. Only a few minutes had gone by, but I was sure that the night's events had been powerful foreplay. Then she screamed, "Yes!" loud enough that I was worried our neighbors might hear it. She shook with a powerful orgasm.

When she calmed down, Luke began to softly caress her ass again, telling her how much he loved her. Finally, she stood up and held him tightly. After a minute, they looked at us.

I was totally unprepared for what I had seen. This hadn't been punishment or an attempt to control Marty; this had been an act of love. Sure, Marty had to like some pain, find it sexually satisfying. And Luke had to enjoy inflicting it. But they had found a way to express their love by accepting their individual desires. 

Dan and I looked at each other, but neither of us spoke.

Luke broke the silence, "Well, what did you think?"

"I think that I don't know what to think. All the talking and touching hadn't prepared me for the reality." I paused, thought a bit, and said, "It's an entirely new aspect of sex, of love for me. I'm drawn into the idea that Dan and I could open our lives to this form of sex. I know I'm very aroused and I'm trying to imagine what it must have felt for Marty. But I'm a bit scared, too."

I looked at Dan who nodded his head in a gesture of agreement. I went on, "I don't know if the pain will equate to pleasure like it does for Marty." Marty and Luke didn't respond; they were letting me come to terms with it myself. 

My mind was racing. I had told the truth; I was incredibly turned on. But was it because of watching or because I wanted to try it myself? Did I want to expose myself to the pain as an experiment? Did I want to share such an intimate encounter in front of our friends? I am not like Marty; I had been reserved, especially in public, my whole life. I was confused for the first time throughout the night.

Dan spoke up. "You can take as much time as you want, decide whatever you want. I am so happy that you seem to have come back to life that anything you want is OK with me."

Marty said, "Look, this was all in answer to Dan's question about our sex life. It's been a lot to take in, I believe. We all want you to be happy with what you have gained tonight. We don't expect anything more from you." She paused, then continued haltingly. "I do have one worry now, though. Has this been too much? Are you feeling regrets? Do you wish we hadn't been so open?"

That shook me out of my confusion. "No, it has been a tremendous moment in my life. I needed something to remind me that I am alive, to wake up my senses and desires. And my best friends provided what I needed with their love. I love you two and will be forever grateful to you." Marty smiled and tears formed in her eyes.

"OK, then," she said, "We can relax now, have a drink or three and let you have time to absorb it all." We all agreed and took a minute to get dressed. Dan and Luke went into our kitchen to make fresh drinks while Marty and I sat down and relaxed.

Marty seemed lost in her thoughts for a while and I was thinking about the night's events. The evening was quiet and unseasonably warm, and I took the time to clarify my reactions. Dan stepped out of the kitchen to tell us that he and Luke were going into our basement to pick out some good wine for "a good night." I had a feeling that they were allowing Marty and I time to talk.

After a few minutes had passed, I spoke to Marty. "Marty, I want to work out my feelings by telling you what I am thinking right now. Is that OK?" After she assured me it was, I started talking. I was hesitant at first because I still didn't know what I felt completely, but gathered strength as I talked to her. 

"First, I want to say again that I will always love you and Dan for what you have done for me, for us, tonight. I was lost in my own fear and couldn't see any way out. Dan had been so strong and patient with me, but I wouldn't respond. I think now that he had some hopes that starting a conversation about sex tonight would help. I guess it was a long shot, but it worked with your willingness to share and be so open.

"It's pretty damn obvious that I was as aroused in ways I never thought possible tonight. I didn't just start to come out of my depression, I leaped out. It is certainly an unorthodox way to get psychological help, but it worked. I think I can start the hard work of becoming normal again now." I paused for a moment.

"Dan has been asking me about seeing a therapist, and I've been ignoring him, but I think I'll look for someone to help me tomorrow." Marty smiled and I realized that I had just talked my way around to help myself move on. I felt happy about the future, a feeling I hadn't had in many months.

Marty reached over and held my hand, looking very serious. "I am worried about the 'leaping' out part. Tonight was a shock to your brain, to your life, for that matter. But was it too much, too fast? Will you regret it tomorrow or next week? You think you see things differently now, but will you still believe that that is for the best as you face the future?"

She was obviously worried about me, and still probably worried that tonight had been a mistake. "You are right to wonder about the effects of our experience tonight. I did things tonight I would never have considered before my cancer. I got nude in front friends. Touched myself and climaxed. Dan touched me and I climaxed again."

Marty interrupted. "Touched yourself, hell. You put a finger in your pussy and then Dan did it to you, also. You came twice. Get real."

I laughed. "You're right. That's what I did. I put my hand on my pussy and made myself come. That would have sounded so dirty to me before. But tonight it's what I did, and I don't feel dirty or embarrassed. It felt good, damn good. So did touching you and feeling your boobs pressed into me. I had never thought about finding pleasure from touching a woman before, but I'm glad I did it."

Marty was laughing. "So, are you announcing you're going gay now?" she asked.

I laughed with her. "Of course I am. I expect you to be my willing sex slave from now on."

"Yes, master," was her reply through her laughter.

"But the point I am trying to make is that it wasn't the specific sex acts that affected me; it was simply the fact that I felt something, something good. I felt the touch of another human, the touching that we all need in our lives, I believe. I was forced to wake up, to see myself as a physical, sexual person again, especially with Dan. Look, I love you and the uniqueness of being touched by a woman was a big part of tonight, but it wasn't a revelation that I'm gay. It was part of the shock to my mind that reminded me that I was alive.

"Most of all, I was forced out of my fear and self-pity tonight. I wasn't absorbed in all the horrible thoughts about my lack of value as a woman, as a person, anymore. My subconscious had been so taken over by the fear that I was going to die, that I had forgotten how to live. When I took part in the physical, sexual parts of tonight, I jumped back into my life. When I realized I hadn't thought about my scars and missing breast when I undressed, I was so happy." I was thinking this out as I said it. I started to cry and Marty stood up and sat next to me, holding me tightly.

I thought about Marty's questions. Would I still feel this way later? But how could I think badly about something that had brought my life back? It was that simple. I had lost so much of my life, but now I believed it was going to come back. This was a good, no, a wonderful thing.

We heard Dan and Luke returning; Dan had some wine bottles, and Luke had a tray with some clean wine glasses. Marty and I stood up and hugged our husbands as soon as they put the wine and glasses down.

"I take it that everything is OK," Dan said.

"More than OK," I replied. "Everything is damn near perfect! Let's have some of that wine, Dan, and toast the best friends and best husband ever."

As we took our first sips of wine, I thought about what I wanted to do now. It became clear quickly that I had already made up my mind. "I have an announcement," I said. "Marty and I have been talking about what has happened tonight, about how I would feel about her and Luke, about what I would think about everything later on. Well, I have decided that there is one sure way to show all of you exactly how I feel."

I reached out and took Dan's hand. "Dan, I want you to spank me. Right now."

Dan said "What," several times, as an exclamation, then as a question. 

Marty voiced a low, almost sultry, "Wow."

"Dan, I'm not sure whether spanking will ever be a regular part of our lovemaking, but I'm curious and turned on about it now. It seems the perfect way to show you, and myself, that I'm ready for a new life."

"Are you absolutely sure?" he replied. After looking into my eyes for a few moments, he added, "I don't want to hurt you." 

"I know that; but hurting me is not the point, and I know you are not capable of hurting me anyway. But a little pain isn't the same thing as hurting me." I didn't think I was saying it right, and I needed to be clear about what I wanted.

"When I saw Luke spanking Marty, it turned me on. Part of it was the sheer voyeuristic thrill of watching the sex, especially a sex act that I would have been shocked by before. Part was the total trust Marty showed she had in Dan. But, to be honest, I was also thinking about taking her place. She had an orgasm from the pain. What did it feel like for her? How did the pain turn to pleasure? Could I do it?"

"And when I thought about taking her place, I felt a rush, a pressure in my pussy." I still wasn't totally content with using what I used to think were vulgar words, but "pussy" just seemed so right. "I want to do it, and I want to do it in front of Marty and Luke."

Dan stared at me intently, sharing that non-verbal communication that long time couples have. He was asking me if this was what I really wanted.

I answered by continuing to ask for what I wanted. "My safe word is 'chocolate.'" Everyone smiled.

I stepped back from Dan and took my skirt and panties off. I didn't try to be sexy, and I wasn't embarrassed; I just took them off. Then I walked to the same chair Marty had used and motioned for Dan to join me. "I believe I have to do it all, show myself and all of you how committed I am to changing. I don't want to just go back to the old pre-cancer status quo. I want to make a new life with adventure and confidence."

I looked at each of them for a few seconds, then admitted, "Besides, I get a wet feeling from what I'm going to do. And spanking is just a part of it." I reached out to Dan's belt, loosened it, and lowered his pants. Then I pulled his boxers down. He was already erect. I touched him and he was very hard. His penis, his dick, moved when I touched it. I wrapped my hand around it and slowly, lightly stroked it. I had kept myself away from this sensation for a long time. What a fool I had been. How loving Dan had been by accepting that while I pushed him away from my life, our marriage.

I squeezed harder and Dan pushed his dick toward me a bit. I stroked some more. I saw that Marty and Luke were only a few feet away; Marty was hugging Luke's arm.

Then I leaned forward and took his penis into my mouth as far as I could get it; no licking or slowly inching it in. I engulfed it all at once. Closed my lips on it, circled it with my tongue. I wanted his dick in my mouth until it was a part of me.

Dan let out a moan when I did it, then another longer one as I simply kept his dick all the way in my mouth. I didn't slide my lips up and down its length as the sex books I had read when we were first married had instructed. I kept it as far in as I could and swirled my tongue around it. I knew it was farther in than I had ever been able to manage before without choking. My lips were on the edge of his pubic hair. What a sexy idea, I thought.

I reached up and grabbed his balls and squeezed them, more tightly than I had ever done. It all overwhelmed my love, the man I had withheld sex from for so long; Dan's dick, cock, started to jerk in my mouth after a minute. He usually lasted a long time, but the circumstances had made him hot and ready. He usually warned me that he was about to cum, but this time he just let it go. He spurted into my mouth with a force I had never felt before because I had usually moved my mouth to the tip and let the cum jet out onto my face. This time I tried to drink it all. Dan was actually grunting with effort and the strength of his release. He needed this and I needed to do it for him. When he stopped, I held him in my mouth for a few seconds, then licked him clean. I used my finger to wipe up the cum that had leaked through my lips and then licked my fingers.

"Damn, just damn!" Marty almost yelled. Then, "Damn," again in a lower, slower voice.

"Yes, Damn," I replied. I had never done anything like this in all the years we had been married. I had given Dan blow jobs, although not as often as I should have, I thought, but this had been an act of pure lust devoted entirely to his pleasure.

Dan reached down below my shoulders and helped me up. "That...that..." he was stuttering. "That was truly amazing. Thank you" he finally managed.

"No, you are amazing for the love and patience you have given me. It was more than any woman could hope for from a husband." It was rather a sappy thing to say, but as is often the case, it was exactly what I meant and wanted him to know.

I turned around when Marty said, "Well, well, well. Exhibitionism to be followed by a bit of spanking. This really is a new Celia." She walked up to me, hugged me, and said, "Welcome back to your life my friend." Luke joined the hug, his long arms surrounding both of us.

"And now, for the climax of this night's entertainment, pun intended. Are you ready Dan?" I went to the chair and pushed my butt out and up. Dan immediately moved to me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Marty and Luke a few feet away and knew that my ass and my pussy were open for them to see clearly. I was excited about that. I was becoming aware of a sexual nature that had never existed before. I may pick and choose from all the new pleasures I was experiencing when I had a chance to think about them and talk with Dan about them, but I'd be damned if I would regret doing any of them tonight, I thought.

Dan asked me if I was sure about the spanking. "Maybe you're just carried away by all this and want to be a part of what Luke and Marty have shared tonight. That doesn't mean you really want to do it if you think about it."

"You're absolutely right about both; I am carried away and I do want to try what I saw our friends do. But it is what I want to do. Period. I don't know exactly what to expect, or even what I find so appealing, but it's what I want." 

"OK. Remember, your safe word is chocolate. Don't be embarrassed to use it," Dan said. I took a last look behind me and then looked straight ahead and waited. Dan caressed my ass lightly for about a minute, rubbing a little more forcefully as the time passed. He started to cup each cheek and squeeze. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded my assent.

He started to spank me, alternating from side to side every few slaps. They were very light, not even stinging. "Dan, I'm ready. Harder!" I demanded. After a short pause while I heard Dan take a deep breath, I received a stinging slap on my right cheek. Then another and another. Each one was harder than the previous one. After about ten slaps, Dan rubbed my ass again. I felt the pain as it began to build.

"Your ass is starting to turn red," I heard Marty say. I felt the pain, but it wasn't much beyond a moderate discomfort. Then Dan slapped me again, with some real force. He increased his speed and force. I heard myself gasp with the pain. Each slap was hard and hurt, but the cumulative effect also began to create a strong sensation of pain. I was just beginning to wonder if I still wanted this as the slaps continued and I moaned a bit with pain.

Dan stopped and caressed my tender ass; it didn't stop the pain which had become constant. Still, it wasn't more than I had imagined. Dan continued to rub my ass lightly, and I realized he was giving me a chance to stop. I shocked him and myself when I told him, "Harder." I was going to go as far as I could. Tonight was not going to be a time to wimp out.

He slapped me again, harder still and I yelped with the shock of the sharp pain. He went slower than he had but harder. He must have spanked me ten more times, and I felt a pain I had not imagined. I began to think about my safe word, but I just couldn't quit. I turned my head and looked at Dan. All I said was, "Yes." He slapped me again, not much harder but more often and faster. The pain increased as I became more and more tender.

Was this ever going to become pleasure, I wondered. Then I noticed that my legs and back were hurting a bit. I was pushing my ass higher and closer to the blows! When Dan paused again, I didn't like it. "More," I said. I heard Marty let out an "Ohh" sound. Dan slapped me more.

The pain was still there but it was just one of several responses I was feeling. Each slap made me feel a pain and pleasure response. I don't know why or how pain can do that, except that it was part of a sexual experience. It hurt, but I was in charge of it, and it was a total physical experience. Dan and I were engaged in a complete sharing of trust and eroticism. 

I wanted him to keep on slapping me. The pain was still an underlying theme, but it was being overridden by pleasure. I didn't really know why I felt that way or how pain could feel so good, but I knew I was beginning to rise toward a climax. Each slap brought me a new sensation of sheer physical pleasure. My ass hurt but my pussy was on fire. I felt the heat and knew I was getting very wet. I started to take short breaths and repeating, "Yes, yes. Don't stop." 

Dan must have started to ignore his worries that he would hurt me; my demands had released his inhibitions. He spanked me harder and faster. His hand slopped lower on my ass and several times he was slapping my pussy. The pain went to a new level but so did the wanton pleasure I was experiencing.

Finally, I shuddered with the strength of one of the biggest orgasms I had ever had. It seemed to last forever; I had several smaller orgasms as I started to become aware of my surroundings again. I had been lost in a closed world of sheer lust and joy for a while. Dan had stopped spanking me when he saw me start to orgasm and now he reached out to help me stand up. We held on to each other as tightly as possible until Marty said, "Celia, you need to let me put some lotion on you. You don't feel it right now, but in a little while you're going to start to hurt. Your ass is so red it looks like it's on fire." As soon as she said that, I began to feel the pain again.




Old Friends, New Desires Pt. 03



Dan quickly went to the kitchen and got some aloe vera lotion from the refrigerator; we kept it for burns. He had me bend over again and softly applied it to my cheeks which were burning now. It helped immediately. "If it doesn't start to feel OK soon, try some ice, maybe a pain pill," Marty advised.

I hadn't said a word yet; the experience was still overwhelming me. Dan asked if I was going to be OK. I nodded yes. Luke reached out and cupped my face for a few seconds and asked if everything was OK. He wanted to know that I didn't regret anything. I smiled and held his hand against my face. After a short time of all of us just standing there, Marty spoke up as she often does.

"Damn, that was the hottest thing I've ever seen. It was as erotic as all hell. I really didn't think you'd do it, Celia; certainly not the all the way to the max way you did." Then she said something that summed up what I felt. "You know you're never going to be the same, don't you. Not only is the frightened, withdrawn Celia of the past months gone, but the Celia you were before that is gone, too. Maybe you won't even do this again, but the experience is there. Tonight happened and will always be a part of you."

Everyone was looking at me for my response. "Yes, that's all true. And Dan and I will have to explore our feelings about it all. But I know a few things already. You're right Marty, I won't be the same. Good. Life moves on and we change if we want to be better. And I do want to move beyond the horrible life I created after the cancer. And I don't mind being a different person as long as I'm still a woman Dan loves.

"This was all an adventure. Dan and I will talk about it and choose what we want to do in the future. Hell, to be honest, I'll probably be embarrassed about some of it, a lot of it. But I won't regret it; I wouldn't take it back for anything. I'm certain this was an experience I needed for my life and my marriage."

Dan took both of my hands in his and said, "Welcome home Celia. I don't love you more now because I have always loved you with all my heart." That was pure joy for my heart. 

Epilogue:

That was all three years ago. Dan and I are closer now than have ever been. Happiness is an everyday status. We kept the spanking as part of our sex life but didn't try bondage or any other BDSM; none of it seemed to excite us. We also didn't have any more nights with sex in front of friends. Marty and Luke are more than friends now; we love each other more than the word friends seems to describe, but we all decided to go back to our private sex lives again. Although, I still have some thoughts now and again about the intensity of that night and haven't completely ruled out a repeat. I think we all feel that way.