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Just Old Friends

By: Mainefiddleheads



"Is forty really old?" I asked myself while standing in front of the dresser mirror trying my best to suck in those extra two inches. Glancing at the hair, there was no grey, not even a hint and except for just the slightest, tiniest crow's feet coming out of the side of my eyes, there were no wrinkles. Twelve ounce curls and Charlie's Barbeque once a week were the excuse for the two inches. I guess good genes kept the hair color. My Dad didn't go grey until his sixties if that was any consolation.

Charlene's excuse was that she was tired of growing old, tired of having an old truck mechanic coming home reminding her of what she thought she could have had in another life. At least that is what she complained about more often than not. She got so tired of it that one day I came home and half of our household had been moved to destinations elsewhere. It didn't matter where. It just wasn't here. 

The papers came the day after and I can't say they were brutal. I got half the equity in the house, an equal split on savings and she didn't touch my shop. The house was actually paid for and I ended up talking an equity loan to buy her share. Since she made about the same income working as a loan administrator at a local bank, alimony wasn't in question.

We had built the house years ago thinking there would be a big family to fill it however that never happened once we found out there was a plumbing issue with Charlene. She seemed to take it well and we never considered adopting kids so we ended up with a four bedroom, three bath house on a tree shaded corner lot that just grew in value. She would get $200K out of it and I'd get another mortgage to start paying at nearly 40 years of age.

After getting the papers I didn't see her until we sat across from each other in my attorney's office.

"You are looking well, Charlene."

"You are looking as usual, Mike." She replied with a deadpan expression.

She was dressed well. I suppose she could afford it at that point. Being tired of one man after 17 years didn't keep her from getting energized with another. Apparently she found that elusive other life with a real estate broker who catered to broken middle aged dreams and sad sack administrators. Unfortunately, she started her new life a couple months before informing me of it.

I don't know why she wanted the meeting since I was willing to sign the papers as soon as I received them. I sure didn't want the divorce but I knew Charlene too. Once she gets something in her head, absolutely nothing stops her from moving on whatever is motivating her. So, the divorce was a done deal once she had the papers served. 

"Mike, do you know why I'm divorcing you?" She asked, again with that deadpan.

I looked at her carefully. It had been three months since she served me and I just wanted to get this over with.

"Nope."

I looked at my attorney and hers and told her I just wanted to put my John Hancock on three sets of them and go to the diner for a burger and a beer.

"Well, don't you want to know?" The deadpan look was gone and concern was mounting.

"Charlene, at this point I could care less. Let's just sign and move on. You look happy as shit and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste a minute wondering why you do the things you do. I'm done."

My attorney pushed the copies over to me and I signed all three but Charlene wasn't done.

"I'm not signing until you hear me out. So sit back down and take it like a man."

"Charlene, maybe your new man will take that shit from you but you should damn well know your old poor truck mechanic of a soon to be ex-husband isn't going to give a rat's ass what you have to say."

With that I stood up to leave and reached for the door.

"That's fine. You can move in that whore right now if you haven't already."

Well, that stopped me up short and against my better judgement, I looked right at her.

"What in hell are you talking about?"

She didn't skip a beat.

"I'm talking about you and Colleen Whitmore. You have been fucking that whore for a year now. Hell, half the town knows it. That's the real reason I left your sorry ass. You thought you were slick and I didn't know shit. Well, you were wrong. Yeah, I was tired and bored but we could have worked through that. Instead, you took up with that bitch."

She stopped talking at that point with an expression of anger and sorrow pasted on her face and to be honest, I didn't really know what to say at first. I didn't think she knew anything about Colleen. I looked Charlene right in the eye.

"Charlene, you don't know the first fucking thing you are talking about." 

She interrupted me and pushed a printed photo across the table. While still standing, I picked it up.

It was a picture of a small dark haired woman, about my age, with her arms around the neck of a taller man who was leaning down and kissing her on the forehead. The woman was Colleen Whitmore and the man was Mike Donaldson. That was me in the picture with the Donaldson Truck Services work shirt on.

I looked up at Charlene and glared at her.

"Like I said, Charlene, you don't have a fucking clue what you are talking about."

I threw the picture across the table at her.

"Charlene 'Whatever your name is gonna be', you are the only one in this marriage that fucked somebody else. You are the only one that lit it up for some strange. When you get home tonight and your new stud man is nailing your whoring ass, you remember that. You're the cheating fuck, not me.

In the meantime, you make sure you stay to hell away from Ms. Whitmore. She deserves a hell of a lot more respect than I'm getting. With that said, I'm out of here."

I looked over at my attorney who was a bit confused himself and I told him I'd call him in a bit. Charlene looked like a doe in the headlights as I opened the door and left the office. It was a quick walk to the diner and since it was close to lunch, I had that burger and beer.

I grabbed a window booth and watched Charlene and her lawyer leave the office across the street. They both hugged and Charlene stepped into a new Chrysler 300 and pulled out of the parking lot waiting for a break in traffic. She looked up through her windshield and right into my eyes in the diner. I don't know what I saw in her face but I didn't blink as she turned into traffic and headed down the street.

The Chrysler 300 belonged to Dickey Johnson, one of our esteemed sleazy Real Estate agents in town. He had a history with a couple married women before Charlene but that didn't seem to slow her down. Because she arranged the appraisals for many of the real estate sales in the area, Dickey was a familiar face at the bank and to Charlene. I always considered the little cheese dick a shady bitch of a man. 

After 17 years it was done. In 90 days, I'd be officially divorced. After lunch I walked over to my old bank, Charlene didn't work here, and had my old friend Bill Peterson draw up papers for an appraisal and an equity loan for 25% of the value. I'd cover the balance out of what was left of my savings. Charlene had agreed to let Bill make the appraisal. He was an honest layman pastor in addition to being a banker and we both knew and trusted him from way back. In 90 days, Charlene would get her $200K. I called my attorney on the cell and explained what was going on with the Colleen issue and he basically told me what I already knew. Wait the three months and it would be all over.

Divorce is an odd thing because it affects so many people in so many different ways. I can't count the number of people I know in town who have been divorced, some two and three times. I guess I never expected it of my marriage because I thought most of the marriage was pretty good. That said, I can't say I was much surprised when Charlene left. We had been pretty downhill for the past couple of years. I don't mean rock bottom but slowly drifting off in other directions I guess.

That afternoon, the shop was slow so I headed back to the house and mulled about thinking over the earlier events. Charlene really didn't know what in hell she was talking about. Colleen was about the oldest friend I had. We were first introduced on the school bus while traveling to third grade a long time ago. All through school we were the best of friends and by the time hormones started kicking in we began drifting away from each other. Boyfriends or girlfriends interfered with our time together until we finally ended up going in different directions.

I met Charlene while I was going to Diesel School in Nashville and we hit it off right away. She was almost the complete opposite of Colleen in that she was brash, opinionated; mule headed and set in her ways when her mind was made up. But, for some reason I liked that in her. It meant I didn't need to waste time fighting to get my way. I knew better. We ended up getting married and settling back in the town I grew up in.

Colleen had gone to college and taken a teaching job on the other side of the state and eventually married some fellow she worked with. We would run into each other every couple years or so but even that fell off about ten years ago and I had never introduced Charlene to her, I guess because I never had the opportunity.

One day about a year ago, a Dodge Ram 2500 Diesel Quad Cab pulled into my shop lot and I watched this little tiny woman crawl out of the cab of that truck. She was wearing jeans tucked into a pair of cowboy boots with sunglasses on her face. I had never seen her before on the lot and when she walked into the customer service area she walked up to me at the counter and lifted the glasses off her face and our eyes met.

"Sweet Jesus ... Mike, it's you" was all she said.

"Charlene, you are looking real good. How are you doing?" I said in reply as I came around the counter to give her a big hug.

I brought her around to my office and got her a cup of coffee as we caught up on the lost years. She had moved back into her mom's old house up past the high school but hadn't settled in yet. Between wrapping up her job back in Knoxville and getting things moved over here, life had not allowed her to slow down.

"So, what brought you back to Cordova, Colleen?"

She looked a little sad for a moment.

"The big 'D' as in divorce, that and the need to just get away and with Momma's house just sitting there since she went to live with Aunt Marjorie; I thought it would be a good change. She gave me the house last year. Besides, I took a job at the Jr High School as Principal starting this fall."

"How's that little girl of yours doing?"

"Mike, she's not little anymore. She'll be 16 in a couple months." She beamed.

I remembered her when she was real little, maybe four years old. I don't think I ever saw her after that.

"So, do you need help getting moved in? I've got a couple trucks and at least two good men that can get it done."

She just shook her head and told me that's not what she was here for.

"I need somebody to go over the truck out there with a comb and fix anything that might be wrong with it so I can take it in and trade it in on something I can actually drive. I hate the damn thing."

I glanced at her truck out on the lot. With all the chrome and pin striping, somebody had to have loved that big beast. She walked me out to it and I climbed up into it and checked out the interior. There was a lot of custom electronics installed. The truck had a front winch and a heavy duty suspension and towing package on the back. The darn thing had to run at least $50 grand and one thing was pretty clear to me; this was a man's truck and not something I would ever picture Colleen driving.

I told her I'd go through it and let her know if anything needed replacing or fixing but I didn't think that would be the case. The truck was less than a year old with only 8,000 miles on it.

"How did you happen to find yourself driving this big boy, Colleen?

"Mike, the first time I ever drove it was from Knoxville to here and if I have anything to do with it, it will be the next to last ride I make in it. It belonged to Dennis, my Ex. The divorce was finalized last week and part of the settlement gave me one vehicle and didn't specify which one." She smiled.

"So, I had my attorney go with me last night to Dennis' apartment and I left my Honda Civic in place of his prized Pride & Joy. This morning, he went with me to DMV and with the court decree and registration, we got the title switched over to my name. Jesus, he is going to be so totally pissed.

That's why I want you to go over the truck. It's paid for and I'm going to trade it in as fast as I can. Dennis doesn't get back from his trip until tomorrow."

Well, I spent about an hour going over it and gave her the expected news; no problems.

"Come with me, Mike. You know about cars and stuff. Help me buy something I'd like."

So that's what I did. She climbed back up into the cab and I took shotgun and the two of us headed down to Spoke Chevrolet. I knew Ralph, the general manager there, and we worked out a deal. Colleen got $42K trade in and drove off the lot in a brand new Camaro 2SS Convertible. She had to carry a bit of a note when it was all done but we drove off the lot with a slate grey beast of a car with the top down and the biggest smile on her face.

By the time she got me back to the shop, it was quitting time. We made plans to have lunch later in the week and I headed home to my darling wife Charlene. Of course, she wasn't there so I ended up baking a frozen pizza and swilled that down with a couple diet Cokes. Charlene came in from wherever she was around 7PM, took care of her lady business and we ended up streaming something off Netflix.

The rest of the week was pretty much the same until I had lunch with Colleen on Friday, a couple days after she traded in for the Camaro. I was down at the diner and she wheeled right in front of the window booth I was sitting in. Jesus, she looked good, too. The top was down and the car had a deep rumble when she pulled to a stop. She might have just finalized her divorce but with a package like that and the ride, she's be drawing attention soon enough.

She got all serious when she slid in the booth.

"Dennis is so fucking mad he threatened to kill me when he finds me. I've never heard him so angry. I called my attorney and he just said there was nothing I could do unless he actually tried to do something."

"Listen, Collen, I'd be royally pissed too if that happened to me although I wouldn't threaten to kill anybody. Do you think he would actually harm you?"

"Mike, I don't know." She looked a bit scared at that point so I tried to assure her that everything was going to be OK but truthfully, I didn't know myself.

We finished up our lunch and I made sure she had me on speed dial if anything came up and I headed back to the shop. That evening, after Charlene and I had our customary Friday night fuck and grunt, my phone started going off and when I picked it up, it was Colleen and she was in a panic. After I calmed her down, I told her I'd be there in a bit.

"Charlene, I need to go out on a call. I'll be back in a bit."

She just mumbled something in her half sleep mode and I grabbed my run bag and my CC holster before heading out the door. It took me about 15 minutes to get to Colleen's and she was waiting for me on the porch with a Winchester pump in her hands. Her daughter Christine stood behind her.

"Colleen, tell me slowly what happened and why didn't you call the police instead of me?"

"Mike, we were just cleaning up the kitchen and getting ready to go to bed when he threw a brick through the living room window."

"Who was he? Did you get to see him?"

"I saw my old white Civic going down the road. It has a different shade lens cap on the back driver side tail light. It stands out like a sore thumb. One of my coworkers changed it out for free off a wrecked Civic but it's off a bit in color."

I got them both inside the house and sitting in the living room.

"OK, first, I think you should call the police and see if they can pick him up. Then I'll get this window patched up until we can replace it."

Colleen wouldn't have anything to do with the police but I had my own backup plan. Bobby Dyer was a guy we both went to school with and he was a lieutenant with the city police. I was going to ask him to look into it discreetly.

Once the ladies were settled down, I located some clear plastic and packaging tape that would work until morning. Once everything was cleaned up, I let Colleen know to call me if anything else happened but if it did to call the police first. She agreed and I hauled my ass back home for some needed sleep.

Charlene was snoring away when I crawled back into bed and she mumbled something and I just kissed her goodnight and fell asleep myself. The next morning I got the window fixed and had a talk with Bobby. Sunday night, I got another call.

Bobby Dyer and one of his officers had a drunk, angry Dennis Whitmore cuffed face down in the gravel with his pockets emptied out. The contents included an S&W.38, a six inch blade and a pint of Jim Beam. The S&W had two rounds missing and they were found in the wall of Colleen's living room. So much for Dennis' freedom. By the time it was over Dennis got 36 months if he behaved, 10 years if he didn't. The judge didn't take kindly to him shooting into a house with a woman and child in it.

After that Colleen and I started having lunch regularly and reconnecting as old friends. I got to know her daughter Christine pretty well. But, out of all that, we never did get romantic. It was always a matter of being good friends and being there when the other needed it. Over the course of the following year, Charlene never did meet Colleen and I never made anything more out of our friendship than having lunch or giving Christine a ride across town if she needed one until she got her driver's license and didn't need my lift.

Colleen started dating but nothing seemed to work out for her at the time. One day she came into the shop to have me look at one of her tires and when I was done, she reached up and put her arms around my neck and gave me a big hug before giving me a peck on the lips. I just smiled and kissed her on her forehead before setting her down.

"Thank you, my sweet Mike. You have always been there for me and if you weren't already hitched, I'd rope you myself."

She said it in a joking manner but there was a seriousness undercutting it. If both of us could have gone back 20 years, things might have been different but they weren't. I did still love Charlene and I didn't cheat on her but I could still be friends with that girl I met in 3rd grade.

So that was the setting for the picture Charlene slid across the table at me in the lawyers office. It was a completely innocent picture of two close friends and nothing more and it was a couple months before Charlene walked out, about the same time she started getting started with her new life.

About a month after the meeting at the lawyer's office I got a call informing me that Charlene's attorney had held off on filing the papers with the court. It seemed Charlene was getting cold feet on the divorce for whatever reason. I asked him what the consequences were and basically everything would stay as is unless there was reconciliation between us. 

Since Charlene was tooling around town in Dickey Johnson's new Chrysler 300 every day and likely on the receiving end of his non-boring prick, I sure as hell didn't see any reconciliation happening in this case; not on your life.

A couple weeks after that, I got a call from Charlene.

"Mike, can we get together to talk?" She asked without even so much as a hello.

"What do you want to talk about, Charlene?" I asked waiting for the artful twist of words.



Just Old Friends



"Mike, I made a mistake and I need to fix it. Please, Mike?" 

"Charlene, I think we are pretty much past fixing the mistakes that YOU made. I'm working on fixing my own mistakes and one of them won't be meeting with you again. Have a great life Charlene."

With that I hung up and ended the call. I didn't make it to my fridge for a beer before she called back. After 17 years of loving, living and understanding this woman, I knew I needed to take the call if I was ever going to have any peace that evening.

"Charlene, what part of my reply to you did you not understand?"

"Mike, we have been together for too long not to try to sit down and have a conversation." She replied as if she had been practicing.

"Charlene, we haven't been together for over four months now. We are NOT together. That's not hard to grasp is it? Why don't you have this discussion with 'Swingin' Dickey and see if y'all can come together on mutual terms as to how you get it tonight, porked from behind or face to face? You are still fucking him, aren't you?"

She didn't say anything for a bit and I just hung on the line listening to the shrill silence. She had to know fucking that dipshit was a deal breaker from the get go. A one-time fling might have been something I could have gotten over, with a bit of retribution maybe, but offering up 

her pussy on a regular basis shut the door on our marriage.

"No, Mike, I'm not. I broke off things with him a couple weeks ago. I need to talk with you, Mike. Please?" She was begging now.

I've never been accused of the best judgment in all situations and this was one of them. I agreed to meet her at the diner the next day for lunch and she was buying.

Before I could leave for the diner, Colleen pulled into the shop and I immediately realized I had fucked up. Colleen and I always ate lunch every Thursday at the diner before she had to pick up Christine and run her to the Community College. The High School had a handful of kids trying to earn some college credits early and Christine was one of them.

"Ready, Mike?" She asked me while skipping into the shop.

"Jesus, Colleen, I went and told Charlene I would meet her for lunch today. I completely forgot all about our regular lunch. Jesus, I'm sorry."

She didn't miss a beat.

"That's OK, I'll go with you. I'm still hungry and I still haven't met the bitch that called me a whore."

Against my better judgment I kept thinking this might be entertaining so I grabbed her arm and we headed for my truck.

"Nope, let's go in the Camaro."

So we did and she pulled up and parked right in front of where we usually sat next to the window. When we walked in, Charlene was already seated at another table. Colleen just kept on walking toward our booth tugging on my arm the whole way. I glanced over at Charlene and saw the consternation on her face as I waved her over.

"Hello Charlene, you are looking good today." I said as she slipped in across from us. She did look good too. She had pulled out all the stops making sure her firm apple sized boobs were right on display. Colleen didn't miss any of it. She saw me looking and saw Charlene showing so she upped the ante. She leaned into me for just a bit of privacy and pulling her top out away from her breasts, lifted one of them out of her bra and hefted it for me with a sly smile on her lips.

"Mine are a bit bigger, don't you think, Mike?"

They are and all three of us knew it at that point. Charlene sat there with her mouth gaping open until she spoke.

"Who is this bitch?" she asked softly, almost whispering. Collen was quick.

"That is Whore to you, Whore Colleen Whitmore and it is my pleasure to finally meet you. Mike has told me so much about you that I feel like I already know you. You are into real estate, aren't you or is real estate into you?" she snickered.

"Ladies, let's make it real OK?" I glanced at Colleen and back to Charlene although Charlene hadn't done anything other than sit down. At that point the waitress came by to get our drink order and see what we wanted to eat. All of us had been here many times and Sheryl knew our habits?

"Regulars all around? She asked. All of us nodded in reply while staring at each other.

"Mike, how are we going to be able to talk with her sitting there like that?

Colleen had positioned herself close to my side and I have to admit I was having trouble concentrating. All I could think of was that bare tit and the growing hard-on in my pants.

"Charlene, Colleen and I have lunch right here every Thursday and I forgot about that when I agreed to meet with you, honest. So, if you want to talk, this is how it will have to be."

The waitress brought our drinks back and as Charlene began to speak, Colleen started cracking open peanuts and grinning from ear to ear.

"Mike, OK, then this will have to do" She cast an evil eye toward Collen who just popped a couple in her mouth.

"I stopped the divorce papers so we can go back to where we were. I ended that stupid thing with Dickey because I knew how idiotic I was being." 

She hadn't told me anything I didn't already know except for revealing how stupid she was if she thought stopping the divorce was a ticket back into my home and life.

"Mike, I know I fucked up really bad but we had a good thing between us. How can we get that back? I'll do anything you want, anything." She was near tears trying to get that out.

I didn't get a chance to reply before Colleen interjected.

"Ms. Johnson ..." She started

"That is Mrs. Mike Donaldson to you." Charlene interrupted. Colleen continued.

"OK, Mrs. Donaldson. Didn't you start fucking Dickey Johnson a couple months before you screwed over Mike and left him? Of course you did. You were fucking around before you ever thought of getting a divorce. Why should Mike ever let a cheating skank like you back into his life?"

If looks could kill, Colleen would have been lying wasted in a bloody heap on the floor at our feet.

"Mike, Please, I can't talk with her here."

"Charlene, it's that or no talking at all." I replied. "Also, about fucking that piece of shit Dickey, how long did you think it would take before I found out the truth?"

"Mike, I told you I was stupid. I wasn't thinking about you finding out. Heck, I wanted you to find out. It was Dickey who told me about you fucking this whore, here. Look at her!! You were with her long before I listened to Dickey. That's why she is here now."

Colleen interrupted again.

"You are one stupid twat. It was Dickey Johnson of Johnson Realty who showed you that picture of my hugging Mike, wasn't it? Of course it was. That's the same dickwad who has been trying for two years to buy my Mom's place for a song and a dance and the same shithead who has been pestering me to do the same thing up until about four months ago when I told him to completely fuck off."

She was on a roll so I didn't interrupt her.

"Mike and I went to school with the prick years ago and he knows Mike has been my oldest friend since I was just a little girl. So, his picture taking and lying to you was just his petty way of trying to get even with me. Hurt my friend, hurt me. Aside from that, he thought Mike and I were an item around town. What would we need with two houses? Mike's is a whole lot nicer and I could sell Mom's place. Now, I'm not saying your peckerwood friend had any real smarts but that's how he thinks. But, first, he had to get you away from him so he could be with me. There enters the stupid twat named Charlene.

Show you a few stupid pictures, every one of them innocent, and you peeled the panties right off your cute little ass and threw your marriage right out the god damn window. Plus, you know what is even more fucked up?? Do you??"

Charlene just stared at her.

"What was really fucked up is that me and Mike were never an romantic item. Hell, a few minutes ago was the first time he had ever seen my tit! Let me ask you this, you dumb cow. How many times do you think you fucked that cheesy fuckface, Dickey?"

I think both Charlene and I were speechless until Colleen goaded her one more time.

"Seriously, how many times? You were together at least six months right up until a couple weeks ago, you said. Let's see. The average whore dog cheating skank couple fucks 3.7 times per week. So 26 weeks, that's 96.2, oh Hell, let's round that up to 93. I think Mike should get some really good loving from someone who really loves him so he can appreciate being really loved before he ever entertains your offer to grant him with your presence."

She sighed and sat back, taking a sip of her sweet tea. I didn't really know what to say but I had to say something.

"What did Dickey Johnson want with your Mom's place?"

Charlene answered for her before thinking.

"He wanted to acquire the land before Phoenix announced the office park plans next door. Dickey has a brother who works for them. He already has 2 of the 4 needed"

I looked at her.

"Wait a minute. You did the appraisals for him, didn't you Charlene? So you knew about all of this and now that he's fucking dumped you, you want back into what you threw away? "

"No, Mike, it's not like that. I made a mistake." She replied.

"Of course you did. You made a big mistake when you first fucked him and then you compounded it by continuing to fuck him and then you administered the coup de grace by leaving me and serving me with papers. Here is what I say to your offer. Fuck that."

With that I got up, offered Colleen my hand and the two of us walked out. I told Sheryl the waitress that it was all on Charlene.

"Mike, please don't be mad at me. I knew I had to shut that conniving bitch down and the only way to do it is with the truth." Colleen looked at me with a tear in her eye.

"Colleen, did you know what Dickey was up to?" I asked.

"Of course I did although I didn't think he was going to fuck up your marriage as payback."

I looked at her and I could see something else and she knew it so she continued.

"When you told me she had a picture of the two of us together I needed to find out more about what was going on. That was just petty vindictiveness but just the same, something had to make him fruity enough to do it so I started asking around and I found out that the Collins' and Bobby Jones Mom had already sold to Dickey. Shortly afterwards, somebody from Phoenix Financials came around inquiring of their properties. Let's just say a friend of a friend helped me out with some information and I could figure out how to put two and two together.

Besides, I remembered seeing Dickey Johnson parked across the street at the CVS that afternoon when I gave you that hug."

She looked up at me and I gave her another one of those hugs.

"Colleen, I could never be mad at you for ever having my interests at heart. Besides, I quite enjoyed the cat fight." I grinned big time at her. "Not to mention the tit. Are you dancing at the Town Line Gentlemen's Club tonight?"

She punched me lightly on the arm and added.

"I only do private dances and, hey, in addition to all that, Phoenix isn't going to build the office park there anyway. How's that for fucking Dickey in the ass?"

With that, she fired up the Camaro and got a wheel as we headed down the street. The girl could drive.

Charlene tried calling me half a dozen times later that night but I didn't take her calls. All I could think about was Colleen and not in any good platonic friend kind of way. I hadn't been laid in over 4 months and I was past due. Unfortunately, with all the cat fighting at the diner that day, it was never mentioned that Colleen was in a dating relationship with a guy. I considered it serious between them since they had been going out for a couple months now.

So, with women in mind and being new to the dating scene after a nearly 19 year absence, I fixed myself up, slipped on a pair Tony Lama boots and splashed on a little Bay Rum. The Running Dog Saloon was real big with the crowd stuck between young pups and old foggies so that's where I headed.

It must have been my lucky evening because it was Ladies Night and it was packed. They had a dusty old honky tonk band playing on the small stage but they were suitable for dancing and within several minutes I was on the floor with an athletic lady a few years older than I but in a hell of a lot better shape. I wasn't fat or terribly out of shape but she put me to shame. She looked real good doing it too.

Her name was Sandy and after a few hours of shaking that rug and several shots of Jose Cuervo, we ended up back at my house shaking the bed frame instead and she was good, real good. I don't have a giant horse cock or anything but way back when I was dating, I was told on more than a couple occasions that the package was way sufficient for anybody's needs or desires. Sandy was no exception. She was nearly insatiable and took it in damn near every orifice. Charlene never let me get her ass but Sandy had an orgasm just thinking about it.

I drove her back to the Saloon to get her car in the morning and we made plans to hook up again next week. Her sales job kept her out of the fun circuit until midweek every week but since we were just new to it, it was OK with me. We did the hookup thing like that for a couple of months and I continued with my Thursday lunches with Colleen. Charlene still had not filed the papers for the divorce and she kept trying to reach me damn near every day. She had become a nuisance.

One evening at the Running Dog, I was nursing a long neck waiting for Sandy to show up and Charlene walked into the joint with some tall goober looking fellow I had never seen before. He was probably ten years or so older than me and not even close physically. I had him by at least 30 lbs. Charlene nodded toward me but I just turned away on my stool.

The next thing I knew I was being sucker punched right out of the stool and onto the floor. Charlene started getting hysterical.

"You weren't supposed to fucking hit him, you ignoramus!" She wailed at the man while flailing away with her small fists.

The bouncer had already grabbed hold of the guy and I was up on my feet ready to coldcock the bastard with a left hook but my head was spinning from the cheap shot. He started talking.

"The next time you fuck some man's wife, maybe he'll shoot your fucking ass, you piece of shit! You touch Sandy again and I'll cut your fucking balls off."

By this time, the bouncer was dragging him toward the door and I raised my hand and asked him to hold on.

"What the fuck are you talking about? You walk in here with my crazy ex- wife and sucker punch me onto my ass and accuse me. Hell, I don't have a damn idea who you are."

He looked me up and down.

"I'm Sandy's husband, motherfucker, and like I said, you touch her again I'll nut you like a pig."

They hauled him out of the place and to his car and I never saw him again. Charlene stood there crying like a fucking baby.

"I only wanted you to stop seeing her, that's all. I need you, Mike. Can't you see that?"

"Charlene, you better file the god damn papers or I'll file on my own. Now get the fuck out of here."

She had no sooner walked out the door when Sandy walked in. She strolled up to me oblivious to the social carnage that occurred several minutes earlier. I looked at her.

"Where's your wedding ring?" I asked

"What are you talking about, Mike?"

"Sandy ... Tall fellow, goober looking, likes to sucker punch, says he's married to you. He just left, Sandy 'Whateveryournameis, but I think if you shake your ass just half as good as you shake it for me, you might just catch up to him and maybe, just maybe, make things right. I don't know. But, one thing is for sure. I don't mess with married women and I'm sure as hell not messing with you."

She mouthed how sorry she was and turned and left

Charlene ended up filing the papers after I told her I was dead serious that if she didn't I would. I stayed away from the Running Dog for a little while and I never saw Sandy or her cuckolded husband again. Truth is I felt really bad for him. I had been cuckolded and now I had done it to somebody else. Apparently the rumor mill was working overtime.

"How long are you going to hibernate in your shop, Mike?"

She was snacking on peanuts again but it was only the two of us.

"Colleen, I'm not hiding or anything. I'm just taking a break from my overwhelmingly busy social scene, you know?"

"Shit, you've been buried up to your eyeballs in that shop since that little cunt's husband decked you at the 'Dog'. I've got an idea. Take me dancing tonight." She just smiled and knew she had won.

So that is what we did. We cut the rug, shook it up and had a great time. Both of us got asked to dance several times and we did for a few of them but we ended up back together every time. I got her out there on a slow number and asked her.

"So what happened to next best thing since sliced bread fellow you've been running around with for the past few months?"

She had her mouth close to my ear and whispered.

"He's not the man I want" and she then kissed my ear.

I'm not stupid most of the time and that was no exception. I held her face in my hand and kissed her soft lips until the song ended. Later that night, I stood in front of that mirror checking out the extra couple of inches on the belly and swore off Charlie's Barbeque until we finished the countdown. I looked at her reflection in the mirror. Jesus, she was a tiny girl in a big package. We had just finished Number 1 and we had 92 more to go. I was getting some really good loving from someone who loved me and I was appreciating every minute of that loving. As for Charlene's offer, no fucking way.

+++++++++++++++++++

Epilogue:

Charlene didn't like it a bit but she was officially divorced 102 days after Sandy's husband sucker punched me at the 'Dog'. She started dating some fellow because she was lonely or so she said but I have no idea how that is turning out and I just don't fucking care.

Colleen and I worked and worked on those remaining 92 lovings and a few days after I was officially divorced, I was even with Charlene. Colleen sold her Mom's house to a young couple just starting out and moved in with me. We haven't set a wedding date yet but we've been practicing the honeymoon damn near every night.