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Amy and Brian Ch. 01

By: laf199



This story is a continuation of Exploring Feelings, which detailed the affair between Amy Harris and Chris Barnes. Though I tried to provide Amy's side of things as much as possible, I do realize that most of that story is told from Chris' POV, and ends with his secret life largely resolved. Amy's secrets, however, are still very much hidden at the end. So I decided to write a story from her point of view, as well as her husband Brian. Chris and Liz make an appearance in this story, but they are not the primary characters. Hope you enjoy, but you should read Exploring Feelings first in order to understand the background that leads Amy and Brian to where they go in this story.

*****

"Honey, you ready to go?" Amy Harris asked her youngest child, 8-year old Johnny.

"Just a few more minutes, Mommy," he replied, turning away from her and running back happily to the merry-go-round in the mall.

"OK, but just a couple, you have your piano lessons in a half hour," Amy answered, smiling as she looked at the fun he was having. Young kids could afford to be care free, to enjoy things without the weight of life's problems. And unfortunately, Amy had her share of problems, despite the image she fostered as the perfect wife and mother.

She turned around and watched as one of those problems, Chris Barnes, turned the corner out of sight, and out of her life, perhaps forever. Amy thought about what Chris said, about secrets coming out when you least expect them. He was right of course, no matter how hard you try to hide things they have a way of revealing themselves sometimes. Maybe she should take his advice and confess her sins. But what Chris didn't know was Amy had more secrets she was hiding.

As she waited for her son to finish, she took a moment to place a call to that other secret.

"Josh, it's me," Amy said, leaving a message on his cell phone. "Listen, we can't keep doing this, it's too dangerous. Anyone could find out and my life would be ruined. I'm sorry, I hope you understand," she said sadly as she hung up her phone.

"I'm ready to go, Mommy," Johnny said as he hugged her from behind. Amy pushed away her other thoughts.

"OK, sweetie, I'll take you to Mrs. Carlton's house for your lesson," she replied, as they walked to her car. Amy's other kids, Kelly and Tyler, were at their sports practices (softball for Kelly and lacrosse for Tyler), so Amy had a few hours to herself before her family needed her.

After dropping Johnny off, Amy decided to head home and think about things, about how her life had gotten to this point. Of course, there was a strong chance he would be there, as well, working in her backyard as always. But she knew it was inevitable they would see each other, might as well get it over with.

Upon arriving home there here was, 21-year old Josh Anderson, working on finishing the flower garden in the Harris backyard. Amy had known Josh since he was a kid; he had grown up just a few blocks away, and her and Brian were friends with his parents. Josh was helping his father with his landscaping business and hoped to one day take over.

Amy had known Josh had a crush on her for several years, it flattered her but he was just a young boy at the time. Besides, Amy had other distractions. When he returned last summer and began working in her backyard, she at first thought nothing of it. But then she began to see the looks he gave her, and her thoughts began to wander. God, he was in such good shape, she began to think, with jet-black hair down to his shoulders, and emerald green eyes. At that point, it had been over a year since she broke things off with Chris, and she found herself responding to the attentions of this young male. 

Almost without realizing what happened, a torrid affair had begun between Amy and Josh that ended when he returned to school in the fall. Now, he was back, and it had started once again, during the afternoon when her kids and husband were busy. But now, it needed to stop. As with Chris, Amy knew it had gone too far.

When he saw Amy, Josh came running into the house, confronting Amy in her hallway. 

"It can't be over, not yet," he said, grabbing Amy and pinning her against the wall. "I give you things your husband can't. I know you can't give this up," he said as he slowly began kissing behind her ear and down her neck.

"Oh, Josh, it's too dangerous, I have too much to lose...ahhh, that feels so good," Amy said, as she began to lose the fight within herself. She grabbed him behind his head, and pulled him in for a passionate kiss, fighting his tongue with her own.

"I knew you wanted this," he breathed, as her pulled her hair out of its ponytail and let her blonde locks fall over her shoulders. Slowly, he picked her up and placed her on the end table next to the stairs, continuing to kiss her and reach under her dress to remove her panties.

"No, Josh, stop, STOP!" she said out of breath, but she made no move to make that happen. In fact, as he began to unzip and lower his jeans, her hands began to help him as she grabbed his toned ass. Then, she unbuttoned his shirt, and began to caress his pecs and abs.

"Yeah, that drives me crazy," he groaned, and began to close the distance and kiss her once again. Amy's left hand wandered downward again and began to slowly tug at his erect penis. Josh was about the same size as Chris had been, and not much bigger than her husband. But that wasn't what this was about.

All of a sudden, Josh stopped, and asked her "This is OK, right?" Despite his aggressiveness at the start, he was still a young kid, and didn't want to force the older woman into anything.

"Yes, don't talk, just do it, OK?" Amy exclaimed as she pulled his member closer to her opening, giving it long loving strokes and eliciting the moans she sought from him. She didn't want to think now; she needed to satisfy her urges. With Chris, she never had to worry about it, but Josh was young and she often had to take the lead. While that excited her, a part of it bothered her; she was the adult here and should know better. Yet all her thoughts now were about Josh parting her folds.

With a groan from both of them, he did just that, and Amy locked her legs around his ass as it began to pump back and forth. Soon they picked up the pace, as Josh rammed Amy into the table and up against the side of the stairs. Their lips never left each other as they moved closer to their peaks.

"Yeah, baby, your pussy is the best, I can't get enough," groaned Josh as he humped faster and faster. "Is this what you wanted?"

"Yeah, yeah, you know it is," Amy squealed. "Make me come, baby, I need it...oh yeah!" With that, Amy crashed over the edge of pleasure.

Feeling her come, Josh could hold it no longer. His balls tightened, and with a deep groan and one last violent pump, he unloaded into her. It sent Amy's ass hard into the table, knocking over a change dish situated at the other end.

"OH, god that was good," Josh said as he came down from his high, gently kissing Amy on the lips.

"Mmmm-hmmm," she replied dreamily, returning his kiss. As she began to come back to the rational world, however, she saw the dish lying on the ground, broken into three pieces.

"Oh, no!" she cried, pushing Josh off her. "My son Tyler made this for me in his arts and crafts class. How am I going to explain it to him?" In an instant, all the bad feelings came rushing back.

"I can fix it," Josh offered. "He'll never know the difference." 

"No, I'll think of something, you should go," Amy replied. Now that her desires were met, she really didn't feel like making small talk with Josh.

"OK, see you tomorrow?" Josh said with hope. He was certainly hoping he could continue to plant other things besides roses.

"We'll see," Amy said dismissively. "Right now you need to go; I have to get ready to pick up my kids."

Josh left for the day, and Amy fixed herself up and went to pick up her kids. 'How am I here again', she thought. After Chris, she thought it was over, that she had explored everything she needed to and could dedicate herself completely to her family.  

It seems that's what Chris had managed to do, even though it was her idea to end it that last time. Somehow, their secret had gotten out and his marriage had survived. Even more amazingly, nothing about her and Chris had gotten back to Brian. 'I have been incredibly lucky', she realized.

Yet still, here she was risking her marriage with a new man, a younger man. That prospect excited her, even now. She liked the idea of being able to turn on a man nearly twenty years her junior. But she was playing with fire, and she knew it. So why couldn't she stop, did she need her secrets to be exposed like Chris in order to do it?

For Amy, that was not an option, in no scenario did she see herself being as lucky as Chris was. She didn't see how Brian could forgive all she had done; if she was in his shoes she wouldn't be able to. Liz is an unbelievable woman for being able to get past this, she thought, but she is the exception, not the rule. 

Amy tried to think of anything to help her stop, she even contemplated returning to church and seeking guidance. She was not religious now, but had been as a young girl, up until about 12 years old. In many ways, she felt her experiences then may help explain why she was acting this way.

As much as you tell yourself you are not going to be like your parents, that you won't repeat their mistakes, sometimes life has a way of showing you how wrong you are. For Amy, she realized that as much as she hated her father, she was acting just as he had. Amy had never really forgiven him for what he did to her family almost 30 years ago, even after her siblings and mother had long since let it go, but now she was beginning to realize she was just like him. 

She was her father's daughter, and the thought sent a shudder down her spine as she began to relive the moments of that awful year. 

FALL 1989

Twelve-year old Amy Rodgers sat in the front pew early one Sunday, at her family Presbyterian church just north of Baltimore, in Aberdeen. Amy's father, David, was the head pastor at the church, and he and his wife Helen were pillars of the local community. Almost everyone sought out the Rev. Rodgers for advice, even people who were not members of his congregation. Any local politician made this their first stop in any of their campaigns, in many ways the Reverend was the moral compass of the community. 

Amy was the youngest of David and Helen Rodgers' three girls. She was a bit of a surprise baby, her older sisters were 7 and 9 years older than her, and off in college. As the baby of the family, Amy was showered with affection by her parents, who had more time to focus on her now that her sisters were starting their adult lives. In particular, Amy was very close to her father; they did everything together. She was fascinated by his job and how he helped so many people; one day she hoped to be just like her Dad and become a minister, they belonged to a progressive part of the church and David always encouraged his girls to follow their dreams.

Often, she was so excited to get to church on Sunday that Amy left early, before her mother. Their house was only a few short blocks away, and Amy liked being the first one there. At the moment, it was still an hour or so before mass. She hadn't seen her father yet, he was busy preparing his sermon for the day and liked to be alone. But she wanted to see him, she ran across a bible passage she thought would fit his sermon. So she walked to his office behind the church to see him.

As she was making her way there, she noticed a young woman, around the same age as her sisters, knock on her father's office. He greeted her with a smile, and brought her in, closing the door. 'Oh, that's odd,' thought Amy, 'he usually doesn't counsel people before mass'. Curious, she walked towards the door. Amy's life would be forever changed by what she heard, then saw.

At the door, she heard low moaning, in her father's distinctive voice. Initially, she assumed her father must be hurt, and began to turn the doorknob to check on him. Then she heard him moan again, "Oh, Pamela, that feels so good, now put me in your mouth." 

Amy was 12, while she certainly was not sexually active with boys (she was honestly still coming to terms with her feelings toward them), she knew enough to know these moans were not ones of pain coming from her father. But it couldn't be, he wouldn't do that. There must be some explanation?

Despite her better thoughts, she opened the door, and her heart broke at what she found. The young blonde girl was on her knees, between her father's legs. Her father's pants were down around his feet, his head thrown back with an ecstatic look on his face. 

For a moment, Amy froze; everything she had believed in her young life had been taken away from her in that instant. She forced herself to speak.

"DAD! How could you do this, to Mom, to us!" she screamed, running out of his office and down the hall.

"Amy, baby, wait, I can explain," the Reverend called out, as he struggled to pull his pants up and go after his youngest daughter. He didn't want anyone to see her upset, he needed to talk to her and calm her down.

He caught up to her in the church, and found her crying in the front row pew. It was still about 45 minutes to Mass, so no one had arrived yet, especially her mother. He had to fix this, and fast.

"Amy, I'm sorry you had to see that, but I can explain," he pleaded.

"How, I saw what you were doing, what she was doing to you. You can't explain away why you would do that!" she cried.

"Oh, honey, I'm human, and I sinned. I was weak and couldn't help myself. I swear to you that was the first time it ever happened," he explained, reaching old to hold her hand.

"Don't touch me," she snapped. "I don't believe you, how can I believe you?"

"It's true," he protested, "I'm just going through a tough time right now, with a lot of things," he said vaguely. "But God forgives, right? I always taught you that. As soon as mass is over, I'm going to pray to God, who'll give me the strength to never let this happen again."

"But you need to tell Mom as well, confess to her," she replied, "She'll forgive you too if it was just one mistake."

"I know, but," he started, "I need some time to figure things out. Your mother is going through a lot lately, what with your sisters at college and her worried about them. It wouldn't be the right time for this. As long as I confess to God, and he forgives me, your mother doesn't need to know. We can just keep it between us?" he said, with a pleading look on her face.

"You can't ask me to keep this secret for you, especially from Mom?" she cried. "It would kill me inside!"

"But honey, you have to think of the family," he replied. "Your Mom may not be as forgiving as God is, what if she wants to leave me? Divorce is a much bigger sin, you wouldn't want that. I need you to be a big girl for me now."

Amy sighed, she was just 12, she didn't want her parents to break up. Plus the damage to their standing in the community would be substantial if this came out, she was old enough to realize this. She would be teased mercilessly at school, another child of a religious man who everyone had come to see as hypocrite.

She wanted to give her father the benefit of the doubt. He was human, and humans sinned. But if they show contrition, those sins should be forgiven. It wouldn't be fair of her to ruin her father over one mistake. Amy realized her carefree childhood days were over, as she prepared to keep her father's dark secret."

"OK, Dad, but you promise me, this won't happen again?" she asked, looking deeply into his eyes.

"Of course, baby, I promise," he said reaching out to hug her. At that point, people began to arrive for mass, including her mother. Her father gave her a big kiss, and left to prepare for the mass. 

As her mother arrived, Amy didn't see the meaningful glance her father shared with Pamela, the young blonde girl she found him with. The meaning of the glance, 'It's OK, she won't tell.' 

Pamela smiled to herself as she took her place in the back of the church. She had been sleeping with Reverend Rodgers for the last two years, since she was 19. She couldn't wait for their regular scheduled rendez-vous, on Tuesday afternoon. She had wonderful news to share that she didn't get a chance to tell him earlier, news that would finally make him leave his loveless marriage. She was pregnant with their child.

Amy kept her father's secret, until one horrible day two months later when the truth finally emerged. She heard her mother screaming at her father, telling him to leave. She ran down to see what was wrong, but only saw her mother on the couch crying; her father having just fled the house. The local newspaper was strewn across the hallway. Amy picked it up and read the headline.

"PROMINENT LOCAL REVEREND IMPREGNATES YOUNG PARISHIONER; PAYS FOR HER ABORTION"

Amy dropped the paper and ran to her room, crying. After a few minutes, her mother came up to console her. "Amy, honey, you're going to hear some things at school the next few days, about your father. I'm sorry honey, but the two of us will get through this, together."

"Is it true?" Amy asked, her head buried in the pillow.

"I'm afraid so, sweetheart. Your father confessed to me. Apparently, it had been going on for a while now."

In that moment, Amy knew she had been lied to, so completely by her father. All the love she had for him disappeared instantly, and was replaced by simmering hatred, for what he had done, to her mother, and to her. But still, she kept his secret. She didn't want her Mom to know she was aware something had happened. 'My mother will never forgive me,' she thought. And she needed her mother's love, now more than ever.

"Your father won't be staying here, at least for a while, until we figure things out. But know that both of us love you, no matter what happens," her mother said as Amy reached out to hug her.

"I'm sorry Mom," she said through sobs.

"Oh, sweetie, you have nothing to be sorry for, none of this is your fault," consoled her mother.

In Amy's mind, this was a lie. If only she had been more forceful with her father, he would have stopped and none of this would have happened. But she had no one to talk to about this. Her sisters came back down to offer support for her Mom, but they were still busy with college and had lives of their own. There were also insulated from it, the moral failings of a Reverend in Maryland did not make for local gossip at their colleges in New England.

But Amy and her mother bore the brunt of the taunts. Every day at school, the snickers behind her back and taunts to her face increased in volume for Amy. She began to plead with her mother to stay home in the morning. For Helen Rodgers, it was no better. Though she was spared the overt taunts, she saw the looks of everyone in town wherever she went. After a few months, she knew she had to get her daughter, and herself, out of his town.

So Helen and Amy packed up and moved to Springfield, just outside Philadelphia, near where Helen grew up and where she still had family. Amy's father stayed behind in Maryland, trying to save his career and tattered reputation. She enrolled in school, where no one knew her or her story. While that was good, it was also lonely. Seventh grade was a tough place to make new friends.

Most of the time, she ate lunch alone and thought about how her life had turned into a disaster in just a few short months. And it was all her fault, of that she was sure of. Until one day, a shy, but cute blonde-haired boy came up to her in the cafeteria.

"Is this seat taken?" the boy asked. "Hi, I'm Brian Harris," he said.

"I'm Amy, nice to meet you Brian," she said warily. Given what happened, Amy wasn't the biggest fan of the male species right now, but something about this boy told her she should let him sit down. "You can sit here if you want," she said.


Amy and Brian Ch. 01



"OK," he replied; then he proceeded to say nothing, for the rest of lunch period. Still, the next day, he came back and sat with her again, this time managing a few words. Within a week, they were talking throughout lunch. After a month, they were talking after school for hours. After two months, they were dating, though they didn't officially call it that yet. Brian had completely won her over.

He never said much, but listened to her and all her problems. He became the one person she could talk about things with, things she couldn't tell her mother, like everything that happened with her father. Brian could relate, his father had also cheated on their mother, and his folks had separated. Unlike Amy, Brian was the oldest sibling, and his younger brothers looked to him for guidance on how to get through everything. 

So it was only natural that Brian played this role for Amy, as well. Under no circumstances should she think any of this was her fault, he assured her. Her father was the one who made the mistakes, nothing she could have said or done would have prevented it. He made her feel good about herself again. And she could get lost just staring into his blue eyes. Even at that age, Amy knew she was going to marry Brian one day. She knew she couldn't ever bear losing him.

As her high school years passed, Amy began to put her father out of her mind. Her parents never officially divorced; that would be bad for business. Though the Reverend couldn't save his job at the Aberdeen parish, after some time passed he found a second career as a public speaker with a cautionary tale, of getting caught up in the ways of the flesh and sinning, only to find God again.

He brought his wife with him on some of these engagements, to talk about forgiveness, and how she had forgiven him, with God's help. That wasn't anywhere near true, but her mother put up with it. She needed to support her youngest daughter, and the money she made as a local teacher wasn't nearly enough. And the Reverend was making decent money on the speaking circuit selling this tale of redemption, even if it was about 99% bullshit.

Amy would have no part of it; she refused any attempts by her father to draw her into them. Mostly, she paid no attention to him at all; he was traveling so much she barely saw him anyway. And she knew he was still screwing around on her Mom, even the slightest detective work would reveal lipstick stains on his collar after he returned from his trips.

She suspected her Mom knew as well; how could she not? But her mother wouldn't officially leave her father, they just settled into separate lives, reuniting only for those brief moments where they had to fake it in public. The whole thing disgusted Amy, but she realized her mother was doing it primarily for her.

Throughout it all, she always had Brian to lean on. The only rough point was that six month period sophomore year, when Brian got cold feet and wanted to date other people. Her heart was broken, but she knew her Brian would come back to her; it was the only thing that kept her going. After a few months, he did, telling her what an ass he had been and begging for a second chance. Of course, she gave it to him and never looked back. But she could never go through that again, without her rock, her Brian, she didn't know how she would hold it together.

Amy began college and moved into her dorm room, out of her parent's house. Upon returning for fall break, she noticed her father was home more, which was unusual. Mostly, she ignored him, as she usually did. But she noticed her mother spending more and more time with him.

"What's going on," she asked her mother.

"Your father and I have reconciled," her mother said with a smile. "Isn't this great!"

"Are you nuts?" asked a dumbfounded Amy, "He hasn't changed, he never will!"

"Everyone deserves a second chance," her mother explained. "We're both getting older and near retirement, and all my kids are leaving. No one wants to be alone," her mother said as her smile faded.

Amy didn't want to make her mother feel bad, but she knew how this would end. Somewhat harshly, she said, "Well don't come crying to me when he screws up again!"

Her father tried to speak to her as well, but she would have none of it. All she would say is that he was a terrible father and she wanted nothing to do with him. She pushed her home life to the side and focused on college.

Like every other time, he father hadn't really changed; he just faked it for a long time, until after her wedding to Brian. He had been there, and for her mother she had reluctantly agreed to allow him to walk her down the aisle. She held her ground at letting him perform the service; under no circumstances would she allow herself to be married by that man.

Shortly after the wedding, her mother called her crying. She had found hotel receipts in her father's wallet and found out he was seeing another woman. Again she kicked him out, this time for good. Amy's father then moved to Florida to retire, and she saw very little of him.

Amy consoled her mother, but by this point she had come to the realization that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Look at what she was doing to Brian now. Still she rationalized it in her mind, 'I'm only doing it because I'm lonely and Brian is busy, he did it because he liked it.' Deep down, she knew it was ridiculous, but ever since she could remember she had a blinding hatred for her father. She would never, could never, admit to herself that in many ways, she was just like him.

PRESENT DAY: 

So she pushed thoughts of her father further and further, until he was gone completely from her mind. No matter what she did with Chris, or even now with Josh, she refused to equate herself to her father in any way.

Until really this moment, right now, after everything that happened with Josh, and seeing Chris as well. He had come to terms with his mistakes, and his sins, and from what he told her he was rebuilding his life. But here she was, in denial and still sinning, much like her father had. Slowly, Amy began to cry at this realization. However, after a time she composed herself to pick up her kids and become the perfect mother again.

Brian Harris was in his office at the end of the workday, finishing paperwork for his department. He wanted to get home for dinner with his family, as he always tried to do now. He knew a lot of the parental responsibilities fell on his wife Amy, and he felt bad about that. Brian wished he could be there more for his kids, but he tried his best to attend all their games and recitals.

Unfortunately, he felt like that often left little time for him and Amy. He loved his high-school sweetheart, with all his heart, but he often felt like there was a distance growing between them. All their time together basically revolved around their children, it left little time for themselves. Brian saw this as his fault, as much as he tried to be there for her and the kids, there was only so much he could do. He was still a heart surgeon after all, it required long hours.

He saw what happened to his parents; slowly they just drifted apart without fully realizing it, until their love was gone. His parents' divorce was tough on the young Brian, but he distracted himself though sports and helping his younger siblings, and after a time his parents worked toward an amicable settlement and a plan to co-parent their children. 

But it had still been incredibly hard on Brian, and he didn't want his kids to have to deal with what he did at their age. He didn't feel like he and Amy were anywhere close to that, but he knew they needed to put in the work or it could happen. Temptations were everywhere; at that point one of them walked into Brian's office.

"Hi, Dr. Harris," said Catherine, the new nurse on the Cardiac wing. She was gorgeous, just 26 years-old with long auburn hair and beautiful almond-colored eyes. And like many of the nurses on staff, she had a thing for the dashing blonde-haired Department Head.

Brian couldn't deny that he appreciated the attention. He was about to turn 40, and his hair wasn't quite as thick as it used to be (and he stressed over the grey hairs he found becoming more prominent), but he kept himself in good shape. For the most part, he was able to laugh off the flirty looks and gestures he often received; he loved Amy and had no attention of cheating on her. But he couldn't deny there was something in the way Catherine looked at him that was exciting. 

He always felt Amy had looked at him that way, but once you're married close to 20 years you do tend to lose a little of that, and settle into a more comfortable love for each other. But no matter how old you get, being desired by someone feeds into one's ego, even if the woman looking at you that way is not your wife.

"Hi Catherine, how was your day," he replied, trying his best not to be flirty.

"Please call me Cat, Dr. Harris, everyone else does. And it's been great, I love working here, I'm learning so much from everyone, you especially," she said, batting her eyelashes at him. Cat knew what she was doing, but she was young and wanted to have a little fun. Dr. Harris was so unattainable for her; he was happily married so she didn't see the harm in it.

"Well, that's great, it's why we are a teaching hospital," said Brian, clearing his throat. He tried to think of a way out of this conversation; having a woman like this looking at you could make the most faithful man contemplate unthinkable things.

"Hey, some of the nurses and junior residents were stopping for a drink after our shifts, care to join us?" Cat asked, with more than a little hope. Maybe if she just got this man out of his comfort zone for a while...'what am I thinking, this is just harmless fun', she said to herself.

"Maybe another time, I need to get home for dinner. Have one for me," he said quickly, with a laugh to hide his discomfort.

"OK, well I'll see you tomorrow," Cat replied. 'I'm such an idiot', she thought, 'now I just made him uncomfortable. The last thing I want to do is lose my job by flirting with some married guy who has no interest in me.'

"Have a good night, Cath...I mean Cat," Brian said as she turned and left. After, he sat back in his chair and sighed. 'She's gorgeous,' he thought, 'but I'm not risking my family for a cheap fling. I won't do what my father did, what Amy's father did.' 

He promised himself he would try to reconnect with his wife, starting now. They still loved each other, of that he was sure, but they needed to make time for themselves. Maybe they could plan a weekend trip to the shore, away from the kids.

With those thoughts, Brian left his office and headed home to see his family.

At the Harris home, Amy was preparing dinner. Her son Tyler came in, holding the broken change dish. In her haste to get Josh out of the house and pick up her kids, Amy had forgotten about it.

"What happened, Mom?" Tyler asked.

"Oh, honey I'm sorry, I tripped and accidently ran into the table and knocked it over," lied Amy. "We can fix it, don't worry?" she said, beginning to cry.

"No worries Mom, it's just a change dish," Tyler replied, not really sure why his Mom was getting so upset. "I can just make another one for you, no reason to cry about it."

"I'd like that a lot," Amy said, giving her son a big hug. "Sorry I got emotional, I know how hard you worked on that. Why don't you go clean-up; dinner is almost ready."

As he son left, Amy held back tears again. Her son didn't care about the dish breaking, but he didn't really know how it was broken, as Amy did. 'My son spent his time making that for me, and it broke because I was fucking some guy, a kid really, not much older or more mature than my kids,' she shamefully thought. 'Not much older than Pamela.'

Her husband walked in the door and she went to greet him. "How was your day?" she asked as they kissed.

"Good, hey I was thinking, you and I haven't done anything by ourselves in a while. Maybe we should go to the shore house for a long weekend; we can leave the kids with your mother or mine?" he asked.

"That sounds great, honey. Let's talk about that later, dinner is almost ready," Amy replied.

"Great, I'll go check in on the kids. I love you, you know that right?" Brian said.

"Of course baby," Amy said, hugging him tight. "Is something wrong?" she asked, in fear. 'He knows, about everything,' she worried inside.

"No, just thought it would be nice to get away for once," Brian explained. 'I shouldn't have said that,' he thought, 'Why did I say that?'

"I'll let you know when dinner's ready," Amy smiled, giving her husband a kiss and returning to the kitchen.

'I am married to the best man', she thought. 'Somehow he realized we were drifting apart and wants to remedy it. I can't lose him...I've treated him like dirt. I have to end it with Josh.'

She would talk to Josh tomorrow, he was just a kid and he had to know their affair couldn't go anywhere. She could explain that to him, of that she was sure. 

At least that is what she thought. Little did she know this would be the last night her family would ever be this happy again, for a long time.

TO BE CONTINUED...



Amy and Brian Ch. 02



Brian sat at his desk at work on Friday, making plans for his weekend with Amy. They were going to their shore home; Amy was dropping the kids off at her mother's house this afternoon, then they would leave after Brian finished work. He had cleared his schedule and insured that the hospital had proper coverage for the weekend.

 As he completed his rounds, he ran into Cat, who gave him a sheepish smile. She was a little embarrassed at her behavior in his office last night; she felt like a school girl trying to get her crush to recognize her. Hopefully, Dr. Harris didn't notice it.

 But Brian had, and while flattering it did make him feel more than a little uncomfortable. Cat was a gorgeous woman, but he was committed to his marriage. Still, she was a talented young nurse who was an asset to the hospital, so he was determined to forget about last night and move forward in a professional manner.

 "Hi Cat, how are all the patients today," he said, with no hint of awkwardness.

 "Everyone's good, all in their rooms resting and we have no procedures scheduled the rest of the day," she replied. She loved her job here and feared last night had jeopardized it, so she was relieved Dr. Harris didn't seem concerned by it.

 "Great, well I'm heading out for the day, my wife and I are heading out for a weekend alone. Take care, I'll see you on Monday," he said walking away.

 "Have fun," she replied, staring somewhat wistfully at him as he left. His wife was a very lucky woman, she thought. For Cat, all that was on her plate tonight was take-out food and a night of cheesy romantic comedies on Netflix. Right now, she didn't have time for romance herself, but hoped one day soon she would find Mr. Right.

 As Brian finished up work, Amy was returning to her house after dropping the kids off at her mother's. As she looked in her backyard, Josh was there, looking like a puppy who had lost his toy. She was hoping to have this conversation next week, but realized it would have to be now, before he got any ideas.

 "Hi Josh, can I talk to you inside for a minute," Amy said as she opened the door.

 "Absolutely," said Josh eagerly, thinking he knew what that meant. He entered the Harris house.

 "Listen, what we had was wonderful, but it has to end. Like I said when we started, this can't go anywhere. I need to focus on my family now. You're young, I'm sure you'll find a girl closer to your age in no time," said Amy gently, trying to make this as easy on him as possible.

 "But, I love you Amy, I want to spend my life with you, I don't want any girls my age," Josh replied, looking at her with a mix of hunger and despair.

 "Oh Josh, you're too young to think that. With time, you'll realize I'm right. Maybe we can talk more next week, but I have to get ready for my trip," Amy said, gently putting her arm on Josh's to prod him to go.

 But her touching him only spurred him on. Suddenly, his hand dropped below her waist, and he began caressing her between her thighs. Amy began to feel herself respond despite her brain screaming no.

 "It's not over, not until I say," he grunted. "And I can feel how turned on you are. You don't want it to be over either."

 "No, Josh, stop, stop, ohhhhh," she cried, as his inexperienced but eager hands began to arouse her. Without thinking, she lay down on the couch and before she knew it, Josh was removing her jeans, then her panties.

 "I knew you were wet, and I can take care of that baby," said Josh, licking his lips as he dipped his head between her legs. He would give her what she needed before she could question it; then she wouldn't think of stopping.

 And in that moment, stopping was not on Amy's mind. She dipped her hands to Josh's head to hold him in place as she got lost in the pleasure. Soon he had her writhing on the couch, moaning his name. He was going to make her come.

 As her head thrashed around, out of the corner of her eye, she saw it sitting on the living room table. The change dish that they had broken yesterday, her son must have left it there. Suddenly, her mind took over. 'What am I doing," she thought. Somehow, for once she forced herself to stop.

 "No, Josh we can't," she cried, pulling him up and off of her. "It's over, I can't do this anymore." Josh just looked at her with a dumbfounded expression, his face wet with her juices. 

 "It'll never be over," he said angrily. "You love me, I know you do. I know you want this," slowly he began to close the distance between them.

 "No," Amy said firmly, pushing him away again. "You need to leave. And maybe you should stop coming here to work. I'm sorry, I never meant for it to go this far, but this is for the best."

 Josh was heartbroken, but did his best to hide it from Amy. Instead he sneered, "This isn't over yet; I'll be back next week. You and I both know what going to happen then." With that, he ran out the door and left.

 Amy pulled her pants back on and slumped on the couch. Hopefully he would calm down as he thought about it over the weekend. He was just a kid; he'll realize soon she was right. Anyway, she would have to worry about this next week, right now she needed to focus on her weekend with Brian.

 A few hours later, Brian came home, anxious to begin their trip. In fact, he and Amy were just about to leave; he only needed to pack a few things in their room. From his bedroom, he heard the doorbell ring but didn't think anything of it.

 Amy answered it, and upon doing so her world changed forever. Nicole Anderson, Josh's mom, was at the door, and upon seeing Amy promptly slapped her in the face.

 "You bitch, I thought you were my friend, and now I find out you're taking advantage of my kid?" she yelled. "You know he's convinced he's in love with you, how could you do this? You're an adult, he's a child. You're old enough to be his mother. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!"

 "Please, my husband will hear you," Amy said feebly. Chris had been right, she realized in that moment, secrets do come out when you least expect them.

 "I don't care," screamed Nicole, "he needs to hear this, he needs to know who he's married to!"

 By this point, Brian had heard them, but he couldn't believe Nicole's rantings. He knew his wife, she would never have an affair, certainly not with a kid like Josh.

 "I don't know what your son might have told you," Brian said, coming to his wife's defense. "But my wife would never do that." He knew the history, everything her father had done, how she despised him for it. Amy would never allow herself to behave as he had, sleeping with some young kid. 

 At that point, he turned to look at his wife and saw something he had never seen before. It made his heart sink completely. A mixture of fear, shame and guilt was written all over her face. 'Oh my god, it's true,' he thought awfully. Somehow, he managed to keep his composure while Nicole was there.

 "Nicole, I think you need to give my wife and me some time right now," he said, as calmly as he could manage. But the rage was written all over his face. Nicole realized this wasn't her place; she needed to mend her son's broken heart right now.

 "This isn't over, bitch," she sneered at Amy. "Not by a long shot." With that, she left Amy and Brian alone.

 Amy was paralyzed, with no idea what to do. She had to say something, anything. "Honey, I can expla....," she started.

 "Is it true?" Brian asked calmly, too calmly.

 "Let me tell you wha...," Amy began again.

 "Is it true?" he asked again in a monotone voice.

 "Yes," she said finally, there was no other answer to give.

 "How long?" he said, still calmly.

 "With Josh, it started last summer, then again when he started coming around again last month. But it didn't mean anything...," she began. In her haste to begin to explain, she didn't pick up on the fact that she said "With Josh." Her husband had noticed.

 "With Josh?" he said incredulously. "So there are others."

 Amy then realized her mistake. But again there was no other answer now..."Yes, one other," she said sadly.

 "Who?" he asked, again somehow calmly.

 "Chris Barnes," she said simply. There was so much more she wanted to say, but words had failed her, and that was all she could get out.

 "Chris? My friend Chris?" "You were fucking my friend Chris," he said, over and over again. Now he was not so calm. "How long were you fucking my friend Chris?"

 "Since college, on and off...but you have to let me explain," she said frantically. She reached out to grab his arm, but he just pulled away and sat on the steps. So many thoughts were running through his mind.

 "Are you still fucking him too, along with Josh?" he asked.

 "No, it ended with Chris a few years ago, I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry," she said, breaking down and sobbing.

 "Don't call me that," he sneered at her. His anger was rising and rising. He began to think of all those times he had invited Chris into his home, the times where he was busy with the kids while Amy and Chris disappeared somewhere. Suddenly, it all made sense.

 "So you were fucking him those times when he was here, when I was busy looking after the kids....weren't you!" Brian questioned as his voice rose. "Answer me!"

 "Yes, it just happened, we couldn't stop...I...," once again there was so much Amy wanted to say but she couldn't find the words. How could she explain this?

 "You what, felt bad that you were fucking my friend in my house all these years, yeah I'm sure you do now that I know," he mocked. He began to run through the timeline, she's been sleeping with Chris since before they got married, he realized. 

 Suddenly, he thought of his kids and made an awful connection, one that he had never thought to make before. He thought specifically of his youngest child, his little boy, who he suddenly and awfully realized now looked an awful lot like Chris Barnes.

 "Johnny?" he questioned simply, holding back tears. "He's not mine, is he?"

 "You're his father Brian, you always will be. Nothing else matters!" she said desperately.

 "But he got you pregnant, didn't he? DIDN'T HE?" he screamed.

 "I don't know," Amy said feebly. "Maybe, it was a terrible mistake."

 "I can't believe this, I'm gonna kill him!" raged Brian. "I bet his wife would like to know what he's been up to all these years!"

 "She knows," Amy said softly. 

 "What?" he asked.

 "I ran into him the other day, he told me she found out a few years ago, right after we broke it off. Apparently, they are trying to work through everything."

 "Oh, so I'm the only asshole who didn't know, how perfect," he laughed a humorless laugh. "You all must have been laughing at how stupid I was."

 "No, never....I didn't know how to tell you. I couldn't, I didn't think you could ever forgive me and despite everything I didn't want to lose you or our family. Please let me explain everything," Amy cried desperately.

 "After everything that happened to us as kids, my father, YOUR FATHER, how could you do this? I was there after he slept with that young girl and got her pregnant. I heard how much you hated him for it. Yet, you still do the same thing?" he barked at her.

 His words were like a punch in the gut for Amy. He was 100% right, and she knew it, but to hear him compare her to her father took the life out of here. She could offer no response in that moment.

 "I can't deal with this now, I have to get out of here," he said walking toward the door.

 "Where are you going, you're not going to do anything, are you?" Amy didn't want her husband to do something he couldn't take back.

 "What, like drive up the Turnpike and kill Chris?" he replied. "Don't worry, not tonight, maybe tomorrow but not tonight. But I can't be here with you right now,"

 "OK, but please tell me you'll come back and we can talk about this," she said grasping at his legs as he went to leave.

 "I can't promise you anything right now, Amy," he said, pulling her off of his legs. "All I know is I can't stay here." With that, he opened and closed the door on his hysterical wife. He got in his car and just started driving. For no reason, he ended up back at the hospital. His office couch was as good a place as any to spend the night.

 Chris sat quietly in his office for several hours, completely numb, almost unable to move. Then, suddenly his eyes were drawn to a list on his desk, of the department contact numbers, and to one in particular. Without thinking he picked up the phone and dialed the number. He didn't want any of his friends or family to know what had happened, he couldn't face them yet. Maybe talking to another familiar face would help.

 "Hi it's Brian...Dr. Harris. Something really bad has just happened to me, I need someone to talk to and you're the only person I could think of," he said to the voice on the other end of the line. "Can I come to your place?"

 "Yeah, come right over. Is everything OK?" replied the young female voice on the other end of the line.

 "I don't know, Cat, right now nothing in my life makes sense. I just know I can't be alone right now," Brian said. With that, he hung up and left to drive to Cat's apartment.

 When he got there, Cat answered the door in her pajamas. Suddenly, her quiet night of Netflix had gone out the window. She had no idea why Dr. Harris, Brian, had called her, but as she looked at him all she saw was a man in pain. As a fellow human, she wanted to be there for him.

 "Come in, what happened," she asked gently. "Did one of our patients die suddenly?"

 "No, but it feels like my life is dead." With that, he sat down and told her the story, at least all he knew of it at this point.

 As he poured his heart out to her, Cat was dumbfounded. No matter how much you thought someone had a perfect life, you never knew for sure. To all the world, Brian and Amy Harris seemed to have a dream marriage. Cat now had proof of what a lie that was. Her heart went out to him, how could anyone cheat on this man, and for so many years, she thought to herself.

 "I wish there was something I could say, that I could do that would make this all better," she said after he finished the grim details. "I can only imagine your pain."

 "Just listening to me was enough, for now. It helped me to tell this to someone like you, who doesn't really know me personally. I would be afraid anyone who knew me would be judging me," he said.

 "Judging you, for what?" Cat replied. "No one would judge you for anything."

 "Yeah, they would, even if they didn't mean to," he said sadly. "About how dumb I was, not being able to see it."

 "No one would think that, not anyone you should consider a friend," she said gently, reaching out to hold his hands in a consoling gesture. "But I'm glad I could be here, that you trust me enough to tell me."

 Brian stared at their hands joined, then looked up at Cat. She was in her pajamas, with no makeup on, but she looked beautiful. She was so kind, so caring, letting a man she barely knew spill his guts to her. But why had he chosen her, he began to think to himself.

 Cat was thinking the same thing. Just a little while ago she was still scolding herself for what she did last night. Brian Harris was all she had been able to think about since she began working at the hospital, but he was always a fantasy, and an unattainable one. Suddenly, maybe he wasn't so unattainable. And he was looking at her, really looking at her.

 "Maybe I should go," he began, pulling away from her.

 "No, you're in no condition to leave right now. Why don't you stay here tonight, on the couch?" she replied. Despite the complicated nature of his life, something strong told Cat she couldn't let him leave.

 "OK," he said, unsure. But right now, he needed some company; even if that company was a young female. Who looked so attractive, even in her pajamas.

 "Good," she replied. "I'll get you some sheets," Cat went into her bedroom and tried to compose herself. 'This man is going through the hardest moment of his life, I won't take advantage of it,' she thought. She found the extra sheets and brought them out for him.

 Upon returning to the living room, she saw Brian had taken his shirt off to get ready for bed. She couldn't help but stare, he looked so handsome, but so vulnerable. Unconsciously, she dropped the sheets on the floor and walked toward him. She reached up and began to caress his face.

 "I can make you feel good, help you forget for a night," she said, slowing caressing his cheeks. "After all you've been through, you deserve it."

 "I don't want you to pity me," he said, even as he felt his desires stirring. He needed a connection right now, especially a female one. He felt so emasculated hearing of his wife's betrayal. And this beautiful young woman was looking at him like his wife used to, with a wild desire. It made him feel like a man again, in this moment.

 "It's not pity," she replied kissing his lips softly. "I've wanted this since I first saw you. I know it can't go anywhere, but I need you too right now."

 Upon hearing that, Brian decided to forget his pain, if only for a moment. He reached out and began to hold Cat by the waist, slowly moving his hands up to fondle her breasts through her PJ's. Cat put her hands over his, then began to slowly unbutton her top. She revealed her C-cup breasts in all their glory.

 "You're so beautiful," Brian said.

 "Touch them, touch me," Cat moaned. "I won't bite."

 Brian pulled his hands back to her glorious breasts, and began to slowly touch and tease her nipples and the mounds that surrounded them. Cat rolled her eyes back in her head as she moaned with pleasure. Brian got bolder with his hands, and began to slip one under her pajama bottoms.

 "Right there," she breathed. "Do you feel it, how wet I am for you?"

 "Yeah," he groaned, as his fingers slipped inside her panties. As he began to touch her, he was rewarded with mewling groans from her that pleased him. At the same time, Cat began to tug at his belt. She pulled it off, and unzipped him, reaching inside to pull out his penis, and stoke it slowly, lovingly, up and down and again. 

 "You're so hard," she said with a smile. "I'm going to enjoy this, so are you." Slowly, she got on her knees and took him in her mouth. For the first time since high school, Brian was inside another woman's mouth. And it felt fantastic.

 Cat swirled her tongue behind his head a few times, before sucking up and down his length. As she reached the top she paid special attention to that spot behind the head again, licking in a circular motion. It was driving Brian wild, she could see it as she looked in his eyes. Right now, he was not thinking of his wife and his pain. 

 All his thoughts centered around his penis, as he grabbed her head and forced himself in and out of her mouth faster. He began making primitive grunts, and Cat knew he was close. Still he warned her of his coming eruption.

 "Cat, I'm gonna cum soon, oh yeah I can feel it," he groaned. "Can I?" he asked, unable to put the words together to finish the question. But Cat knew what he meant, and what he wanted. She wanted it too. 

 "Cum in my mouth, I want to swallow it for you," she replied, taking him out of her mouth to speak then sucking him even harder. She looked right at him and saw the anticipation on his face. Then she smiled and sucked hard for her reward.

 "Here it cums, here it cums, yes!" screamed Brian as he unloaded his balls down Cat's throat. One, two, three, even four jets of semen rocketed out of his penis; Cat took it all in her mouth. God it felt so good, so right, he thought. He couldn't remember the last time he came that hard. As his orgasm faded, he looked down at his young lover and began caressing her head. She looked up at him with eager eyes.

 "Was that good?" she asked smiling. She knew the answer, but wanted to hear it from him.




Amy and Brian Ch. 02



"Yesssss," he said catching his breath. "It was wonderful, but I can't believe this happened." Suddenly, he began to think again of what brought him here.

 Cat saw his change in expression, and quickly moved to correct that. After all, he had given her one reward, but she wanted another. Slowly, she began to stroke his member, and with delight she found it responding quickly. She looked up at Brian.

 "I hope this big boy has another present for me," she said seductively, all the while stroking him up and down till he reached full mast again. "There's another place I want to show him."

 "I think he wants to see it," he smiled back at her. He needed to come again, if anything it kept the pain from coming back. And this was maybe the most beautiful, sensual woman he had ever seen. After everything he learned tonight, he saw no reason to deny himself the pleasure of her body, not anymore.

 Cat held him by the hand and led him to her bedroom. She quickly removed what was left of her pajamas, and lay down on her bed, pulling Brian on top of her. All the while, her hand never missed a loving caress of his member. He willed himself not to cum, not yet at least, he wanted to feel something else. 

 Both their hands maneuvered his penis to Cat's entrance. She looked up at him with anticipation. She had never wanted a man inside her more in her life, but she had to make sure he truly wanted this.

 "Are you sure," she asked. "We can stop if you want," 'Please don't stop,' she thought to herself as she began to feel him rub himself against her vagina and up and down her brown landing strip.

 "Right now, this is the only thing I'm sure of," with that, he pushed himself inside of Cat, eliciting a moan from her and a groan from him. He sunk himself fully inside and held himself there for a moment, looking down at her. Her hair was tangled all over her forehead, her eyes were looking wildly up at him, her tongue licked around her lips. 

 She was the picture of sexual perfection in that moment. And Brian wanted to claim her as his prize. With that, his hips began their motion, and he quickly felt Cat moving up to meet his thrusts. As she moaned and whimpered, he leaned his head down to kiss her beautiful lips. She locked her arms around his back, and her legs around his ass, and held on for the ride.

 "Yeah Brian, just like that, don't stop, it feels so good," she moaned. Brian's penis began rubbing against her clit as he pistoned in and out, faster and faster. He was driving her to a massive orgasm.

 Brian continued to grunt above her, nose to nose, as he watched her face change, from a look of desire, then to pleading, then to wonder. He could tell she was close, and so was he. But a thought popped in his head.

 "I don't have a condom on, I should pull out I'm about to cum," he groaned and reluctantly began to pull out.

 "NO!" she exclaimed, holding him in place with her thighs. "It's OK, I'm safe...I want to feel it!"

 For a fleeting moment, he thought of his wife. Had she said something similar to Chris, only for it to result in Johnny? But quickly, he pushed that out of his mind. He needed this, he deserved it...and he was going to have it. He pumped harder several times, both of them moaning; then he felt his balls tighten.

 "I can feel it, oh god I need to shoot!" he bellowed.

 "All of it, I want all of it inside me Brian," Cat yelled back as she began her own orgasm.

 He pushed himself inside her, as far as he could, and completely let go.

 "AHHH----AHHH----AHHH," he chanted, as his semen splashed inside Cat. She locked her legs tightly around him and pulled him in for a kiss, as they finished their orgasms. After a few seconds, his whole body gave out and he practically collapsed on top of her, completely spent. Slowly he moved to get off, but she held him in place as he softened inside her.

 "Don't move, not yet," she said softly, rubbing his back. "This is my favorite time; I like to feel it soften inside me, knowing how hard you came. How hard I made you cum."

 Brian smiled at her and ran his hands through her hair as they both caught their breath. They kissed for a long moment. Then, reluctantly he pulled himself out of her, with a groan of disappointment from Cat. He moved to the side, and he began to spoon her, leisurely caressing her body. Neither of them spoke, as both slowly slipped off into a deep slumber, that they both desperately needed. Words would come tomorrow. For Brian, everything would come back tomorrow. Right now, he could only concentrate on the woman in his arms, until he fell asleep.

 He woke up with that woman still in his arms. He looked over at her alarm clock, which read 6:25 AM. Amy must wonder where I am, he thought. He checked his phone, sure enough there were about 25 messages from her. But she could wait, right now he looked at the beautiful woman next to him and began to process at all that happened in the span of about 7 hours last night.

 In that time, he went from loving husband, to aggrieved spouse, to cheating husband. And despite everything that happened, he still considered what happened with Cat cheating. He had not come here for this, at least consciously; he merely wanted to talk to a friendly face. But why her friendly face? 

 He realized then that a part of him wanted this to happen, and he didn't regret it. But he had so many things he needed to sort out, and he couldn't do that here. At that moment, Cat woke up and turned to him. She saw the look on his face; she knew last night wasn't going to solve his problems, but as she woke up she remembered exactly what had brought him to her doorstep last night.

 "How do you feel?" she asked, reaching up to him. "No regrets about what happened with us?" Cat didn't know why, but she desperately needed to know.

 "No, last night was wonderful," he smiled at her and reached out his hand to touch her cheek. "But it didn't solve my problems. There are things I need to do today."

 "With your wife?" she asked. She cared for this man, and didn't want him to do anything he would regret.

 "No, I have to see someone else today," he replied. Seeing her concerned look, he added, "Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid, but there's someone I need to talk to, two people actually."

 "OK, if you want to come back here later, you can. We can just talk this time, or other things if you want," she said, playing with her hair.

 "I'll give you a call later, when I'm done," he said. "But I have a long drive ahead of me. Again, I loved last night. Whatever happens from here, I'll never forget it."

 "I won't either. I know you have a lot to deal with, but I'm here for you, as just a friend, or something more," in that moment, Cat desperately hoped for something more. But it wasn't about what she wanted right now

 "Thank you, Cat," he replied as he leaned down to kiss her one last time. "We'll talk later." With that, he left her bedroom and began to dress. As he got into his car, he placed a call.

 "Brian, thank god, I called everyone, I was afraid you did something crazy," Amy exclaimed.

 "I'm fine Amy," he said without emotion. 'And maybe I did do something crazy, but I enjoyed every second of it', he thought to himself.

 "Are you coming home, we need to talk through this, please," she pleaded.

 "No, not today, I need to pay a visit to someone else," he replied.

 "Who?" she asked, though she knew exactly who he meant to see.

 "I think you know who!" he sneered. "Seems like I owe an old friend a visit," with that he hung up the phone, and turned his car onto the PA Turnpike, heading east toward the New Jersey border. What he would say when he got there, he didn't know. Maybe he would just let his fists talk. He had about an hour to figure that out.

 TO BE CONTINUED....



Amy and Brian Ch. 03



Brian punched the gas of his Audi sedan as he crossed the Delaware River, and hit 85 mph as he merged onto the New Jersey Turnpike for his trip north. Luckily for him, the Turnpike was relatively traffic free on this Saturday morning, and drivers here were generally expected to be going that fast in these conditions. Brian didn't want to be pulled over and asked where he needed to be in such a hurry. "To kill my best friend," was the only answer that came to mind. He figured a New Jersey State Trooper would not find that particularly amusing.

As he settled in to his drive, Brian did begin to think about exactly what he wanted to accomplish here. He wanted to do a lot of things to Chris right now, but talking to him was near the bottom of the list. Actually, the person he really wanted to talk to was Chris' wife, Liz. She knew about what happened between her husband and his wife for 2 years now, and somehow she was OK with it? Nothing about that made sense to Brian.

He was also a little angry at her. Sure, he couldn't really consider her a close friend. They had honestly lost touch over the years, and his anger returned as he began to realize exactly why they had; why Chris had seemingly avoided all his calls for the longest time, only to suddenly call back at random times and become interested in seeing him again—'he didn't really want to see me,' Brian fumed.

But he felt like Liz at least owed him a phone call, to tell him what she had learned, about what a lie he was living. He would have done it for her, he was sure of that. And for the life of him, he had no idea how Liz could forgive such a betrayal. Brian wanted to talk some sense into her, almost as much as he wanted to beat the living crap out of her husband. Almost, but not quite.

As he approached Exit 10 and made the turn on Route 287 North toward Chris and Liz's house, Brian tried to force himself to calm down. Rage and fury were nice, but he knew he also needed his wits about him. And right now, only one vision could sufficiently calm him down.

He thought back to last night, when he was on top of Cat, inside her, and remembered the look on her face as she began her orgasm. She was staring so intently into his eyes; it felt in that moment to him that he owned 100% of this woman, her mind, body and soul. Just the thought of that was enough to make Brian smile.

But he couldn't deal with any of that right now. His life had become a train wreck, and he quickly divided it into priorities. First, he needed to confront Chris, and get something...revenge? closure?...he wasn't entirely sure. He just knew he needed to do this before he could move on to his other problems.

Then he had to make sure his kids were OK. As a child of divorce, he knew how that affected children; he was basically his kids' age when his parents divorced. Brian wasn't sure that was what he wanted, but whatever he decided his kids' well-being had to be a major part of it.

Finally, he needed to work through everything with Amy. At this moment, he was disgusted by the sight of her, but as this news sunk in, he realized that would likely change. He had to figure out a way to talk to her, honestly even be able to look at her, and he desperately needed answers as to why she behaved like she did, especially given her history, their history. 

Only then, after all that was decided, could he really figure out what Cat meant to him. He never thought he could ever look at another woman and feel anything like he felt toward his wife. But being with Cat last night he did feel something; he just wasn't sure what it meant. He had gone there looking for comfort and an escape, and Cat had been there for him. And maybe (probably he thought sadly) he had taken advantage of her crush on him. 

But it didn't feel like just a random, revenge hook-up to him, not even in the cold light of the morning. It meant something to Brian, and he realized he still needed that escape, at least tonight.

But he couldn't commit to anything beyond that, at least not yet. He had to piece his life back together first. As he crossed under Route 78, he realized he was now only about 15 minutes away from Morris Township, where Chris and Liz lived. He began to ready himself for a confrontation.

He pulled up a few houses away, and looked toward their home. Suddenly, he saw Chris leaving his house, and began to exit his vehicle, hands balled into fists. But then he saw Liz with him, and their three kids, in various sports uniforms. He thought of his own kids in that moment, how they would feel if some man came out of nowhere and attacked their father. He forced himself to calm down and stay in his car as they pulled away.

Brian stayed parked on their street for 30 minutes, then an hour, just staring ahead with only his thoughts to accompany him. A luxury car didn't stand out in this neighborhood, so he drew no suspicions, even though he was staring at one house in particular. 'What am I doing?' he finally thought, 'This won't solve anything.' He began to turn on his car and drive home. Then, he saw an SUV pull back into the Barnes' driveway.

Chris and Liz were alone this time, having dropped their children off at their practices. Brian watched as they exited their car, and fumed as Chris put his arm around his wife as they returned into their home. 'My life is ruined, primarily by this guy, and he gets to live his life like nothing happened. He got away with everything. Not anymore.' Brian exited his car and walked directly to the front door and rang the doorbell.

Liz answered, "Brian?" she said awkwardly. Instantly she saw a look which she was familiar with, a mixture of total heartbreak and total rage. 'So the bitch finally told him,' Liz thought to herself. Chris had told her he ran into Amy; she didn't like hearing that at the time, now she wondered where this was going.

She tried to give Brian a sympathetic look, but it was like he didn't see her. At that point, she heard her husband, "Who's at the door, honey?" Brian heard him too, and turned his head. Liz remembered what Chris had told her, about what she should do if this moment ever occurred. She stepped aside and let Brian and Chris see each other; her husband was right, this needed to play out without her stepping in.

"You son of a bitch!" Brian yelled. "You ruined my life, now I'm going to ruin yours!" He lunged toward Chris, who made no move to defend himself. Brian cocked his left fist and threw it, connecting with Chris' right cheek, just below his eye. He staggered but stayed on his feet. Brian then threw a second punch to his gut, and Chris fell to his knees, gasping for air.

Brian taunted him from above. "Is that all you got?" he sneered. "15 years of fucking my wife, you deserve more punishment." He went to throw another punch at Chris, who still made no move to fight back.

At that point, Liz stepped in between them. She knew what her husband told her, that she should let Brian do whatever he wanted to him, but she couldn't let anymore happen. Brian was going to seriously hurt her husband if this went any farther, especially if he didn't fight back. 

"OK, that's enough, I think he gets the point," said Liz, positioning her body to shield Chris from any more blows.

"Get out of the way, Liz. Haven't you protected him long enough?" Brian said with disdain.

"Think of your kids, Brian. If this goes any farther you're going to do something you'll really regret. They're going to need you with them right now, not in prison," she said forcefully.

It was enough to calm Brian down. He backed away and sat on their sofa a few feet away, head in his hands. Liz turned to check on her husband.

"Are you OK," she said with concern, running her hand along his rapidly swelling cheek.

"I'm good, I can clean myself up," he said, grabbing her hand and kissing it. "I'll go pick up the kids later...I'll think of something to explain this. You need to do what we talked about."

"I know," she said, smiling at her husband and turning toward Brian. Her husband didn't let go of her hand though, so she turned back to look at him.

"Thank you Liz, for everything, for being here, for staying" he said, with a tear in his eye.

Liz said nothing at first, instead gently running her hand down her husband's cheek again and smiling at him. "Put something on this," she said softly. "We'll be back in a little while." She then turned to Brian, "You could use a drink...and we need to talk. I'll drive."

Brian got up and followed her, but not before looking at Chris, still sitting on the floor. He saw the shame in his eyes; Chris could barely look at him. Brian felt a moment of superiority, but then quickly realized how pointless that was; it didn't make him feel any better in the end. He followed Liz and got into her car.

She took him into Morristown and to one of the bars on South Street, near the Green. They went to a corner booth and ordered their drinks, a Scotch for Brian and a red wine for her. 

Liz knew he needed so many answers; she wasn't sure how much his wife had told him. Frankly, she could only answer so much herself. But she had to calm him down, so he could talk rationally to her husband. He needed to do that, both of them needed to do that.

"When Chris told me he ran into your wife, we thought something like this might happen," Liz began. "Chris and I talked about it a lot, about what would happen. It kind of played out exactly like he thought."

"You should have left us alone," Brian replied. "He deserves to pay for his sins."

"Was I supposed to let you really hurt him?" Liz answered. "Whatever you think of him, he is paying for his sins, he pays for it every day, when he looks at himself."

"I can't believe you defend him, after all he's done," Brian sneered. "You've just let him off the hook."

"You have no idea what I went through, how hard it was, for me, for my kids, and yes for my husband," Liz said. "For almost a year I could barely look at him, barely be in the same room as him. But as time passed, I saw everything he was doing to atone, to become my husband again. He met every condition I gave him. I checked his phone and emails constantly; he even still offers to let me check them now. He threw himself into our family, into wooing me again. And he talked about his issues, first with his therapist then with me, about why he felt he did it."

"Slowly, I began to let go of the hate and see the man I married," Liz continued. "When I was able to do that, I could see what I wanted. And what I wanted was him, our family. It wasn't easy, but in my heart it was the right decision to forgive him and begin to move past it."

"So that's it?" said Brian unconvinced. "You never thought of leaving him?"

"I thought about it all time, I almost did many times, but something kept me from doing it; my kids at first, but then Chris too over time," Liz explained. "I tried dating other men, first to get back at Chris but also for a release, to forget my pain. I knew Chris was aware, but he didn't say anything." 

"But the flings I had were empty, meaningless...I didn't feel anything for those men," she continued. "It just made me feel dirty, in a way, no better than what he did. After a while, I stopped, and it helped me figure out what I really wanted."

Brian thought about what he had done last night; he had also needed a release, a moment to forget his pain. But what happened with Cat last night felt anything but empty and meaningless to him. However, he didn't really want to talk about that with Liz; he still had more questions.

"I still can't see how you just live your life with him and not think about what happened," Brian said.

"I do think about it, and every day can bring a new challenge; just two days ago I got another one when Chris told me he saw her," after all this time, Liz still couldn't say her name. "I wasn't happy about that. But he told me, and we talked through it. We tell each other everything, how we're feeling about things, good and bad. It's the only way we can do it. One day at a time."

"I've had two years to come to terms with this; you've had what, a day?" Liz continued. "I'm not saying you forget, you never do, but it gets easier, and with time your mind becomes clearer. At that point, you can then begin to figure out how to piece your life back together, either with her or apart."

"You can't say her name, can you?" Brian asked, picking up on Liz's feelings for his wife. "You can forgive your husband, or at least move past what he did, but you still hate Amy?"

The wince at her name being mentioned told Brian he was correct. "It's probably not totally fair, but yes I still hate her. She didn't force my husband into anything, I realize that, but I can't forgive her, I won't. Holding on to a little bit of pain, a little bit of anger, helps me. Maybe you'll always feel the same about Chris, but you guys were friends for a long time and have a history together. And I don't have to deal with her every day, you will. You have kids together after all."

"Yeah, but even that was a lie, at least with Johnny," he replied. Liz raised her eyebrows at that, 'she really had told him everything,' she thought.

"That was hardest for me," she began. "Knowing that he was out there, and might be my husband's. Chris and I have talked about that, a lot, and you really need to talk to him about it too. That boy is going to need you, his father, to help him get through this. You need to remember that, he's your boy."

"I know, he's my son, I don't care what any DNA test says," Brian said. He wasn't sure of much, but that was #1 on the list of things he did know. "And I don't want him to find out about this, at least not yet. He'll have enough to deal with."

"We don't disagree on that, but like I said you really need to talk to my husband about that. There is a lot I know he wants to say to you. Have you calmed down enough to speak with him?" she asked.

"I just need to know one more thing," he asked. "Why didn't you tell me? I know we hadn't seen each other in a while, but don't you think I deserved to know?"

Liz paused for several seconds, taking in what Brian said. "I thought about it all the time. I even picked up the phone and began dialing, especially in those early days," she said. "But then I thought, who would I be doing that for? It would only ruin your life and probably your children too. Look at how you feel now that you know. It would just be me getting back at Chris, at...your wife. In the end, I decided it wasn't my place to do that. Maybe I was wrong, but I figured instead of thanking me you would just resent me."

Brian wasn't sure whether he bought her rationale completely, but he decided to let go of any anger he felt toward Liz for that decision. She was going through hell at the time, like he was now, and had to focus on her family. This conversation had helped him, particularly Liz's thoughts about having to live one day at a time to get through things. Still, there was one other conversation he needed to have.

"Thanks Liz, for talking, and for stopping me from doing something stupid," he said, "I think I'm ready to talk to your husband now, calmly."

"Good, let's go back to my house," Liz said. "I do hope you figure out what's best for you, and your family. If you need any advice, feel free to call me. It's the least I can do."

"Thanks. It's funny though, you're pushing me to talk to Chris when you can barely even talk about Amy. Maybe talking to her would help you," Brian said as they walked to her car.

"Perhaps, but I just can't, at least not yet. One day at a time," Liz replied.

As they returned, Liz saw her kids were back. Her twins, Mark and Melly, ran up to her laughing as she walked in.

"Mommy, Daddy told us he tripped and ran into the screen door...he's so clumsy," they said in unison, laughing and looking at their bemused father, who was holding a frozen steak to his eye in the kitchen. 

"Yeah, we need to take care of him more," Liz said. "Come on, why don't we go upstairs and I'll help you clean up." Liz wanted to give Brian and her husband space to talk.

For the twins, their parents' troubles were a distant memory, but their oldest daughter, Jennifer, was more aware. She saw Mr. Harris come in with her Mom, and had a pretty good idea that a screen door did not give her father that black eye.

"Mr. Harris," Jennifer said as she came up next to him. "Don't hurt my Dad anymore. He did bad things, but he's still my father and I love him. I know he feels bad about whatever happened. We forgave him, you should too."

"I won't do anything to him, Jennifer," he said, thinking of his own kids. "I just need to talk with your Dad for a few minutes."

"Why don't you go upstairs for a little while Jen," her mother said. "Dad and Mr. Harris have some things to talk about. Everything will be OK." With that Liz walked with her oldest daughter up the stairs.

It left Brian and Chris alone on the first floor. From where Brian was standing, he could see right into the kitchen, where Chris was looking back at him, a nervous look on his face. Slowly, Brian made his way to him. "We need to talk," Brian said upon reaching him.

"Why don't we go outside," Chris responded. "I'll answer anything you want, with 100% honesty."

They settled on the porch and sat down. Brian had so many questions; he started with an important one.

"Do you love my wife, did you ever?" he asked.

"No, it was never about love," Chris replied, head down. "It might have been easier to explain if it was. I can't speak for your wife, but for me it was the excitement, the danger, of having something I shouldn't. It's taken me two years of speaking to my therapist to figure things out, and I'm still not fully sure why. But we never fell in love."

"Johnny...Amy told me," Brian continued. "We need to do a DNA test, I need to know in case something happens to him and he needs a genetic match. But, if it turns out like we think, I don't want him to know, at least not until he's older and can understand better. I'm his father, no matter what the test says. Nothing will change that."

"Yes, I know," said Chris. "Anything you need me to do, I will. I have no intention of interfering in your relationship with him."

"Good," replied Brian, "I can do things discreetly. I'll let you know what I need."

"OK," said Chris, "I'm sure Liz told you I ran into Amy the other day. Nothing happened between us then, I swear, but I did wonder if something like this would happen soon, if she'd tell you."

"That's not why I found out," Brian said. "Amy was screwing around with another guy, a kid really just out of college, after you and her ended. His mother found out and confronted her at our house. That's how I found out."

"Oh," said Chris, not knowing what else to say. In a way, he wasn't that surprised. In working though his own issues, he realized denial could be a very powerful emotion. If he hadn't worked through them, been forced to work through them, he probably would have kept cheating like Amy, he thought sadly.

"I should go," said Brian, getting up to leave. He had said all he needed to say. 

"Your hand is bleeding," replied Chris. "Let Liz have a look at that and bandage it up for you before you leave."

"I know this is worthless to you," Chris continued, "but I am truly sorry for everything that happened. If I could take it back I would. You were a great friend to me, and I treated you like shit. I have to live with that the rest of my life."

"You got a second chance here, Chris," Brian said. "Don't fuck it up. You probably won't get another, and it seems like you got a great family here." This was all he could offer Chris, forgiveness was not possible yet, if ever.

"I know, I just wished I realized it a long time ago," Chris said. Liz came out to check on them. "Honey, could you help Brian clean up and bandage his hand, before he goes?" he said.




Amy and Brian Ch. 04



Brian opened his front door and walked through the hallway. He quickly found Amy, sitting quietly on the living room couch, in the dark. Brian didn't know it, but this was where Amy had mostly been since her carefully constructed world began to crash in on her two nights ago. She barely ate, she barely slept, she mostly just sat in a ball on the couch, crying and cursing herself.

The only person she told of what happened was her mother; her kids were staying there and she wanted to make sure they were OK. She hadn't planned on saying anything; given what her mother had gone through she felt like she would be more sympathetic to Brian, but in that moment she needed her Mom.

Helen was shocked at her daughter's confession. Given how she felt about her father and the lingering hatred she still held for what he did, Amy was the last person Helen felt she needed to worry about doing something like this. But as she thought about it, and began to put herself in her daughter's shoes, she started to understand at least.

Amy had always put so much pressure on herself to live up to expectations. This was true even before her father's scandal; until that point she wanted to live up to his expectations. After that, she was determined mostly to prove that she was better than her father, and her mother saw her work so hard to be the best at everything. In the end, you can only do that for so long before you need a way to release the pressure, the stress you put on yourself. 

It didn't excuse her daughter's behavior, but Amy was her daughter, her youngest, her baby. Helen knew she needed to be there for her, to be her non-judgmental support. Last night, she told the kids she needed to run a few errands, and left them in the care of a neighbor friend for a few hours. She needed to be there for her daughter, if only for a little bit.

Mostly, Helen just held Amy as she cried and explained the entire awful story. How she had started with Chris, why she couldn't bring herself to stop it, everything regarding Johnny, and finally the last few terrible days. Helen did say much, she just tried to process it all.

Amy finally told her mother what she had been holding in all these years; how she had found her father on that awful day before his scandal came out, and how it killed her to hold that secret for so many years. Her Mom was stunned, but not for a second did she hold her daughter responsible for anything that happened with her husband, and she let Amy know that. She wished her daughter would have told her this sooner; maybe it would have healed her quicker and much of what she was facing could have been avoided. 

Ultimately, she gave her daughter the only advice she could think of; Amy needed to be completely honest with Brian, tell him everything and answer all his questions. It was the only way she could hope they would find a way to move past it. Everything had to be out in the open, as painful as it may be.

In truth, Helen didn't have great hope her daughter could save her marriage. Though she had stayed with her husband, for a long time after finding out about his secret life, it was largely a charade. Almost all of her love for her husband had died that awful day she picked up that newspaper. Nothing he could say would have changed it.

She did reunite with him for several years when Amy started college, but that was more about her than him. She was lonely, with all her kids out of the house, and afraid of living out her golden years alone. David seemed like a changed man, so she latched on to him; he was the one other constant in her adult life, besides her kids. 

But it had been a mistake, and she realized it almost immediately. David was still up to the same old tricks. He had changed briefly to woo her back, but once he had her again the old David returned. Finally, she had enough and kicked him out, for good.

Her mother's advice and experience was on Amy's mind as Brian opened the door and entered the house. She had no idea how this would play out, but she so badly wanted to fix this.

"Hi, how are you," she said coming to the door to greet him.

"How do you think I am?" he snapped. Forcing himself to calm down, he said, "Let's just get through today, I don't want to ruin the kids' mood."

"Are we going to tell them anything," Amy asked. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"No," Brian replied. "We'll pick them up, and then I'll tell them an emergency surgery came up." It was a believable excuse that had actually happened many times before.

"Are you going to stay with her, again?" Amy asked.

"No, I'll stay at a hotel tonight," Brian answered. At this point, staying with Cat was not the best idea, as much as he wanted to.

"That gets us through tonight, what about tomorrow, and the day after," Amy said. "At some point, you have to talk at me, be able to look at me."

"I know, but I can't yet," Brian said. "One day at a time. Let's go get the kids."

Brian and Amy picked up the kids at her mother's house. Brian noticed her mother giving him a wary, but sympathetic look. 'Well, if anyone can relate it's her, but she's still Amy's mother,' thought Brian.

The kids noticed something was off, for a couple who had spent a whole weekend together their parents seemed very distant toward each other. Plus their father's left hand was bandaged, and he didn't have a great excuse for it; it almost looked like he punched a wall or something similar. Their eyebrows raised more upon their return, when their father announced he had to perform an emergency surgery. But this had happened before, and they figured whatever happened between Mom and Dad would pass.

Brian went to a hotel and gathered his thoughts. Amy was right; he knew he couldn't keep putting this off. He had to talk to her and face their problems. But did he really want to face them? Wouldn't it be better to end it now, to rip the band aid off so to speak? Not for the first time that night, he thought of Cat and the last two nights. It would be so easy to run away from his problems and be with her.

But he owed it to his kids to figure this out. He didn't want to give up on his marriage just yet. He thought of Liz, and what she was probably thinking at this point; she told him she thought many times of ending it, but stayed with it until she knew what she wanted. Brian needed to give it time and figure that out for himself.

On Monday at work, he saw Cat; it was almost impossible not to run into her at some point. They both didn't want to let on to their colleagues what had happened this weekend, and late in the afternoon Cat found the time to visit Brian in his office when no one else was around.

"Is everything OK," she asked him with concern.

"Yes...no...I don't know," he replied. "I still can't really face things yet. I stayed at a hotel last night, but I need to go home; my kids are not blind, I can only tell them I have surgeries so many nights."

Cat wished there was something she could do to ease his pain. Problem was, she knew what could accomplish that, but it was a bad idea right now. As much as she wanted him, as much as she felt herself developing strong feelings for him, she would be taking advantage of him if she did that anymore.

"I'm here, if you need to talk," she said, rubbing his arm. Though she meant it as a friend, the contact sent a bolt of electricity through both of them, as they remembered the events of the weekend.

"Thanks, but I need to get home, maybe another time," Brian replied. He couldn't go down that road right now; it wouldn't be fair to anyone.

So Brian went home, and attempted to begin the healing process. He spent the night with his family, and when his kids went to bed, he used the guest room. He had to be at work early anyway, before his kids needed to get up for school; they likely wouldn't notice.

But the Harris children noticed things were not good between their parents, and it concerned them. Word had not gotten out about the specifics of Amy's affair with Josh; the Andersons decided to focus on healing their son, and had no desire to broadcast his pain in public to get back at Amy. 

But there were enough whispers among the parents of classmates about troubles in the Harris marriage, and specifically that Amy had been having an affair. Several of the neighbors had heard the commotion that Friday night, and put two and two together.

These whispers got back to the kids, and they confronted their mother. Amy at first tried to explain, and then finally told them what happened. While leaving out specifics, she let her kids know that she had messed up repeatedly, and hurt their father. When Brian returned that night, he was faced with three crying, angry kids who hated their mother at the moment.

He was upset that Amy told them without him; he had wanted to be there to help ease their pain. In the moment, that became his sole emotion, and he began to yell at Amy, without really thinking about the fact that his kids could hear them.

Part of the reason he was so upset was that he got a sobering piece of news the other day. The DNA tests were back, and it was conclusive that Chris was Johnny's biological father. He was still coming to terms with what this meant. As he looked at Johnny, he could now see the resemblance to Chris, and he cursed himself for being so blind to it all these years.

And in his darkest moments, he wondered if this would forever change his relationship with Johnny. Could he get past this and still be his father? But every time he saw Johnny smile at him, he was able to push these feelings aside. Johnny needed him; all his children needed him in this moment. He couldn't take it out on them, for better or worse they were his kids. Fatherhood meant so much more than a donation of sperm, Brian realized. 

But it only made him focus his anger on his wife, for putting him in the position where he had to explain all of this to their son one day. And in this moment Amy had given him the perfect outlet to vent.

"How could you just tell them like that, without me," Brian shouted at his wife. "Haven't you done enough to ruin this family!"

"I'm sorry, they heard rumors, I didn't know what to do," Amy cried. "I couldn't lie to them anymore. Don't worry, they hate me not you!"

After a while, Brian stopped yelling at his wife and went to look after his kids. They were full of questions: Were they getting divorced? Why did Mom do it? What's going to happen to us?

Brian didn't have any good answers to their questions, but told them no decisions had been made about divorce. He was trying to work through things with their mother. He urged them not to take it out on her; that she had screwed up but she needed their support. At this moment, the kids would have none of it, their mother had ruined their lives as far as they were concerned.

Amy felt that way too, but she had no idea what to do or how to fix it. Her husband simply wouldn't talk to her, except to yell. She understood this, but they needed to work through it at some point. No matter what she tried though, she couldn't get him to talk. And now that the secret was out and he didn't have to put up a façade at home, there were more late nights at the hospital for Brian. 

On one of those nights, he ran into Cat, who was also working a night shift. She saw immediately that things were not going well for Brian, and went up to talk to him in the cafeteria during their breaks.

"This seat taken," Cat said with a smile as she came up to Brian staring off into space.

"No, please sit, it's nice to see your face, your smile," he said, with more than a little meaning.

"How are things?" she asked simply as she sat down.

"Not good," he answered. "All I can seem to do is yell at Amy; our kids just found out most of what happened. Right now, they refuse to talk to her, and I can barely be in the house to console them."

"Also, the DNA test came back for Johnny, I'm not his biological father," Brian continued sadly.

"Brian, I'm sorry," Cat said consolingly. "But like you told me, it wouldn't change how you felt about him."

"It doesn't, he's mine," said Brian definitively. "But it doesn't help me get over my anger toward his mother."

"Anger is understandable, but you have to let some of that go," she responded. "Until you do, you're never going to figure out what you want or what your kids need."

"I know, I'm trying, it's just not as easy as it sounds," he replied.

"Well like you say, one day at a time," she offered with another smile.

'God, I could get lost in that smile, and those beautiful eyes,' thought Brian. Cat was so nice and kind. And so beautiful.

"What time do you get off?" he asked with a knowing glance.

Though both knew it was not the best idea, a few hours later they found themselves back at her apartment, with Brian slamming into her from behind, like that last night together. In a way, he was taking out a lot of his anger and aggression here, but Cat was only encouraging him.

"HARDER!, HARDER!, I missed you inside me," she moaned, turning her head to kiss him passionately.

"Yeah, Yeah, I'm gonna cum soon," he replied, knowing how she wanted it.

Immediately, she turned around and repositioned them, with Brian on top. He looked different as he resumed his thrusting into her, she thought, there seemed to be more anger in him. So she reached up and began to caress his face, and it turned him almost instantly. 

He kissed her hand and continued to piston in and out of her, but he began to lose himself in the pleasure. Cat did as well and quickly both were reaching their peaks, in the position that had become second nature to them it seemed.

"I'm close Cat, I can feel it," Brian groaned with his forehead against Cat's.

"You know how I want it," was all she said. He took several more strokes then unloaded himself inside her, both of them moaning in ecstasy. Like before, she lovingly caressed his back as their orgasms subsided and his penis softened.

As he rolled off her, Cat moved on her side and rubbed his chest.

"You seemed pretty angry during that," she said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be that rough," he said, then began to smile. "But you helped bring me back."

"I like doing that," she replied, reaching out to kiss him, for a long moment. "But should we be doing this right now?"

"I don't care, I need this, I need you," he said. "I can't be without you right now."

That night was the first of many over the next three months. He told Amy and the kids he was staying at a hotel, but most nights he was here in this bed, with Cat. They spent a lot of the time wearing out her bed springs, but they also talked a lot, and not just about Brian's current situation. They learned a lot about each other and their histories. 

Cat told him about the time her college boyfriend cheated on her with her sorority sister. It didn't remotely compare to his situation, but she wanted him to know that life did move on after a betrayal. And increasingly, she wanted him to move on with her. The extra time she spent with him and the more she learned about him only confirmed her feelings; she was falling in love with Brian. And this was not good, because she realized he still hadn't faced his problems yet.

Brian realized this too, he could never hope to move on until he figured his marriage out. As much as it pained him, he told Cat they needed to stop again, and that he was going to move back home and give his marriage a try. He owed that to his kids, he felt.

Cat understood, she had expected this conversation, and knew she never had a chance until this happened. But it still left her heartbroken; she wished they had never started up again. Gradually, she tried to avoid Brian at work whenever possible; it was just too difficult for both of them. As she told herself after that first weekend, she began to search the job market for other opportunities.

When Brian first told his wife he wanted to give it a go and try to make their marriage work, she was overjoyed. The kids had also finally begun talking to her in more than one syllable, so she saw some light at the end of the tunnel. She suspected her husband had been seeing someone; he never seemed to be in the hotel room he claimed to be staying at. But now that he was back she hoped that was over.

But she quickly realized it was not as easy as she hoped. She had been seeing a therapist on her own, and when she went to marriage counseling with Brian she poured her heart out to him, and why she felt she acted like she did. She talked about the pressure she put on herself to be perfect for everyone, about the loneliness she felt, how it may have driven her to draw pleasure and excitement in a secret life. 

But it felt like excuses to her, and she realized to Brian as well. How could she explain things when she didn't really understand herself? All she could do was promise it would never happen again; but she knew that it was an empty promise considering how much she had betrayed him.

At times it felt like it was working; that Brian was coming back to her; usually it was when they were around their kids, who were happy their parents were at least trying. But very quickly Brian would pull away from her again, and it felt like they were back at square one. 'Every time he looks at Johnny, the anger towards me comes back,' she realized.

Brian was trying his best to get past that, but as long as he was with Amy, he felt like he couldn't let go how she had betrayed him. Maybe the best thing he could do was end the marriage; in some kind of reverse logic he felt like maybe he could rebuild a friendship with Amy as they worked through the process, like his mother and father had. 

And when he was most honest with himself, he didn't see how he could continue being her husband. He made initial consultations with divorce lawyers, but couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. Brian had come to think of his marriage as similar to having a parent on life support. He had seen this so many times working at the hospital. Realistically, the family understands there isn't any way their loved one is going to get better; but some small level of hope prevents them from pulling the plug for a long time. For a long time, Brian's hope was his kids; he didn't want to break their hearts and admit the truth.

It continued like this for almost nine months since the awful discovery. Brian was in his office, putting in another long day of paperwork. When he wasn't with his kids, he found himself here more and more, even on nights and weekends; at times where he may be obligated to spend additional time with Amy, he realized. 

He had tried to get past things, for himself and his children, and even for Amy in a way (most of the blinding anger he had once felt had long since dissipated), but he just found himself unable to forgive her. He remembered his talk with Liz, it was at around this point that she had begun to see her husband again, rather than the man who betrayed her, and she realized she wanted to make it work. Brian couldn't really see any of that in Amy, and increasingly wondered if he ever would.

But he was determined to still work at it; it was the only way he knew how to be, you work at a problem harder and harder and eventually you find a solution to fix it. At this point, he heard a knock at his door, and a familiar face entered, one that he had not spoken to in a while.

"Hi, Dr. Harris...Brian, can I come in," said the soft female voice as she entered his office.

"Absolutely Cat, good to see you, how is everything?" Brian said with a smile. He had missed their talks, and other things, he realized in the moment. But he quickly noticed Cat had a look of sadness on her face.

"I just wanted to let you know that I accepted a position at Children's Hospital, in their Pediatric Cardiology department," Cat told him.