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Ain't Talkin' Bout Love

By: StangStar06



 Hey folks. Thanks to Barney-R for his great work in editing this story. And thanks to all of you who read it. 

No under 18 sex.

SS06

* * * * * *

When I think back now on where my life went off the rails, I'm sure it was the concert. We should never have gone. Before the concert, our lives, our marriage, and our relationship were normal. However, that's all gone now.

I met Valerie back in college. She was a bit on the short side, with olive skin and the longest prettiest black hair you've ever seen. That hair was alive. There were streaks of brown, red and even a few errant strands of blond in it that catch the light from time to time. Val is always adjusting it, and putting it into and taking it out of ponytails.

It's almost as if her hair gets bored with being in one position or one style and forces her to change it. Her hair is the first thing that women notice about Val, and usually they're really jealous of it. 

The first thing that men notice is her ass. Val's ass is Kardashian-like. In fact, Val looks like a shorter, chunkier Kardashian. From years of studying my wife and all of her bodily dimensions; I have come to a few conclusions. Val's waist is normal sized. But the fact that her ass is so big makes it seem smaller than it is. Her boobs are just slightly bigger than normal. However, since most women who have one outstanding feature are generally short changed in others; they seem to be bigger than they are. 

I think it's because nine times of out ten, a woman with a really big ass is almost always flat chested and vice versa. Val hates her ass, but over the years, she's come to realize that it really is a strength for her. 

She also hates her thighs. What she doesn't realize is that if she had those long thin thighs that women, all seem to want, they just wouldn't work with her ass. She would look like a frigging lollipop. 

Val's thighs are massive and rounded. When most guys see those thighs, they seem to notice like I do that your eyes are drawn to follow the curvature of those thighs, and they lead you right to her pussy. 

I think that most men take one look at my wife and just want to fuck her. I know that's still true, it's just that I no longer feel that way. Until right after the concert, I loved Val with all my heart and soul. We got married right after I graduated from college and we've had a truly perfect life since then. 

Val never actually graduated because we had a little scare and a big tragedy. Actually, it was that tragedy that led to Val being built the way she is. Back in college Val was much thinner. She also didn't have her ass and her thighs; they were a lot smaller. She was just a short thin, almost flat chested woman with a hell of a lot of hair. 

Since Val had a reputation as one of those girls who didn't put out, she didn't have a lot of guys chasing her. I'd always thought she was pretty, but I was too shy to talk to her. I heard that at twenty years old when I first saw her that she was one of those rarest of creatures at our college, a virgin. 

Things moved on and Val became just another of those anomalies, like the full moon, or an eclipse that we notice in passing, but don't really affect our lives. I saw Val around campus occasionally and heard that she had a boyfriend. She also had a roommate, a very pretty girl who was huge. I think I saw her once. She had gigantic boobs, a gigantic gut, and a really pretty face. It was as if a God was giving you that face as a reward for putting up with her bloated body. 

I often thought about Val in passing. But, I had a life of my own, so I didn't spend very much time dwelling on circles that I didn't intersect with.

That all changed one snowy evening, when a truly pissed-off Val, walked into the coffee shop that I was studying in. 

"There are no empty tables in here, can I share yours?" she asked. I just nodded without looking up from my book. 

"I'm Valerie," she said. "But you don't have to look up. I mean it's not like I have big tits or anything." She was clearly pissed at someone, but just hearing her name forced me to look up. 

When I looked up, our eyes met, and it pulled me out of studying and her eyes softened somewhat. For some reason, I think we both felt something. Now before you jump to conclusions, let me explain something. I don't ... let me repeat I do not believe in love at first sight. In the first place, this wasn't the first time I'd seen Valerie. And I had always been attracted to her; I'd just never believed that I had a shot with her. 

However, that evening in the coffee shop, I sensed that I had a very good chance. I did all of the guy stuff. I bought her coffee and a donut. I sat there and listened very carefully to her tale of woe. It was some drivel about her boyfriend doing some stupid thing. I complimented her on now pretty she was. Even back then her hair was incredible. I think her hair liked me. Every time she leaned over her hair moved towards me. 

When it was time for the coffee shop to close, I walked her back to her dorm. I was too shy to ask her out, or even to ask for her phone number. But I didn't really have to. The fates were on my side. Or at least I thought they were. But the fact is unless you're Bill Gates, Brad Pitt, or Tom Brady; the fates are never really on your side. They just set you up with short term happiness that leads to long-term pain. 

But I was still surprised when I ran into her again two nights later. Something had to be going on, because during my college years, I dated a lot. I didn't have a steady girl because I went to college to get an education, not to get married. I dated a lot of girls, had sex with some of them and remained friends with a few. My goals for college included getting an engineering degree, getting a great job, and replacing my aging Mustang with a newer model. I'd been bitten by the Mustang bug at an early age and had no intention of changing. 

"Josh, you are a hard man to track down," she said, trudging up behind me. Her tennis shoes and the bottoms of her jeans were soaked from the snow.

"Hi Val," I said. "I didn't know anyone needed to track me down."

"I wanted to thank you for the other night," she said. "I was really down then, and I truly needed someone just to listen to me. You were great. And you didn't try to tell me what I should do, either. You just listened. Thanks for that. You're a great friend. Unlike some people I could mention."

"Thank you for the compliment," I said. "It was nice seeing you again."

"Where are you going?" she asked. She reached out to grab my arm and did the Val for the first time. I should probably explain what doing the Val is. My wife is pig headed. When she makes up her mind to do something, nothing outside of the will of the Gods is going to change her mind. However, another of Val's characteristics is the seeming ability to defy physics with her clumsiness. Val can fall in situations where it seems impossible for anyone to slip. 

And on that evening, she slipped and fell, stretched out on the snow-covered side walk. I again did the guy thing and helped her up. It was the first time we touched, and I'm sure that we somehow passed a jolt of bio-electricity between us. Time seemed to stand still as we looked into each other's eyes. 

"You've got snow all over you," I said. "Can I drive you home?"

"Where are you going?" she asked. 

"Nowhere exciting," I said. "One of my professors told us about the meteor shower tonight, and I was going to drive out into the country, away from all of the street lights, so I could see them." 

"That sounds amazing," she said. 

"I could ... If you want..." I began. 

"Yes," she said expectantly. 

"Take you back to your dorm, so you could get your boyfriend to take you!" I said. 

"Josh, I broke up with him after what happened the other night," she said. I had no idea what she was talking about. I had spent the time when we were together looking at her. I'd been mesmerized by her hair and her presence. Listening to her was asking too much. 

"Can I go with you?" she asked in a whiny little voice. 

"Val, are you sure you wouldn't be bored?" I asked. "From what I've heard, you hang out with a pretty wild crowd."

"Those are Steve's friends, not mine," she said. "And most of the time, I'm bored there. I just hang out with them because he's my ... he was my boyfriend. I've never seen a meteor shower."

We stopped off and got snacks and drinks. She was surprised by the fact that I didn't buy any liquor or beer. And on a crystal clear, bitingly cold winter night, we drove out into the country and pulled over to the side of the road on a gently sloping hill. I had positioned the car just below the crest of the rise, so we didn't have to crane our necks to see the sky. 

We made small talk, while looking into each other's eyes for a while and then out of nowhere, streaks appeared, hurtling across the night time sky. It was like nature's very own fireworks display. Val seemed to be really surprised. 

"There really is a meteor shower," she gasped. "And it's beautiful."

"Val, that was why we came out here, remember?" I said. 

"I thought that meteor showers were just another name for submarine races," she giggled. 

"That's the kind of stuff you use on the easy girls," I guffawed. "Not for someone like you. Holy Shit, look at that one." I pointed upwards towards a big streak of light that seemingly exploded and filled the sky with smaller streamers of light. That was what happened when the meteors actually hit earth's atmosphere and burned up. 

As we started the car to drive back it was already very late. "Josh, what did you mean, someone like me," she asked. "Seriously."

"You're not the kind of girl, that guys run games on," I said.

"You mean I'm some kind of stuck up, chick who doesn't like to have any fun. So no one needs to waste their time on her?" she asked. "Because, I'm not like that, Josh. I'm just as much fun as the next girl it just takes..." 

"Val, you're not the kind of girl who guys run games on because you're the type of girl that they marry," I said. 

Something changed between us then. For the first two and a half years that we were in school I hardly ever ran into Val. But after that night, I don't think I could have gotten rid of her if I tried. And wherever we went, she was all over me. The constant touching led to hugging. The hugging led to kissing. And Val didn't care where we were or who was around us. 

Some of my on and off dates made it a point to notify me that I was wasting my time, because Val didn't put out. Others made it a point to let me know that Val's ex, Steve had also gotten some on the side, to ease his cravings, so I could let them know if I was interested. 

What they had no idea of was that Val was doing her best to lose her reputation as a virgin, and she seemed to want to lose it with me. 

"Meteor showers tonight?" she asked me. 

"Val, there aren't any meteor showers tonight," I smiled. 

"We should go and check just in case," she said. 

That led to us parking on that same deserted country road staring up at the sky. We sat there eating snacks until Val pulled out a bottle of liquor. And a cup. 

"I brought this for you," she smiled. 

"Val, I don't drink," I said. "And even if I did. I have to drive us home."

"You're supposed to give it to me, Silly," she giggled. "Isn't that the way it goes? You get me slightly drunk to lower my inhibitions so you can have your way with me. Of course if I was totally unwilling, you'd have to get me really drunk. But if you get me really drunk, I wouldn't remember if it was any good or not."

"Shit, in that case, why waste money on alcohol?" I asked. "If I was going to rape you, why not do it the NFL way. I could just knock the shit out of you and fuck you while you were passed out!" I started the car angrily. My ten-year-old 1990 Mustang roared as I started her, as if she was mirroring my anger. 

I put my hand on the gear shift to drive us out of there, but Val put her hand on top of mine. Then she reached over and switched the ignition back off. 

"Josh, you don't seem to understand what's going on here," she said. 

"Yeah, I do," I said. "This was some sort of test. You're trying to see if I'm the kind of creep who might someday try to take advantage of you. I hate to disappoint you or whoever it was that told you I was a rapist. Yes, Valerie, I'm sorry; I have had sex a few times since I've been in school here. However, I am a healthy twenty-one-year-old man. We can't all be as pure and special as you are. So maybe I've failed your God damned test. But I have never raped or tricked any woman into having sex with me, so..."

"Josh," she said calmly. 

"And another thing," I said loudly. "Your test was stupid! What if I had taken you up on your offer? Or what if you had gotten me all heated up to the point where even if you said "no," I wasn't going to take that for an answer. I could have just NFL'ed you and just left you by the side of the road and..."

"Josh, shut the hell up!" she yelled suddenly. She reached down between my legs and pushed the seat back. (Sorry guys, this is a story based on a Van Halen song so from time to time I might throw in some of the classic VH lyrics)

Then she straddled me. Somehow she moved herself between me and the steering wheel. I should point out that nowadays, fourteen years later; her ass would not fit in that space. Anyway, she raised herself up by scraping her tits and everything else across my body. My dick was rapidly rising in my pants, and it was pulsing so hard that both of us could feel it. She looked directly in my eyes then, and I was lost. 

"Josh, you're a fucking idiot," she said. "Wait, change that you're a non-fucking idiot. You didn't drag me out here to take advantage of me. I begged you to bring me out here. I didn't ask anyone anything about you because I already know everything about you. This wasn't any kind of test. And I didn't think you were going to rape me. Raping someone is taking sex from them against their will either by force, threat, coercion, drugs, or incapability. You don't have to take it from me because, you idiot, I've been trying to give it to you for weeks. The liquor wasn't to get me drunk; it was to get YOU drunk. But now that we're this close. Close enough that I can feel your ... Uhm ... equipment throbbing between us; I realize why my plan would never work. I'll have to try something more direct." 

"Why wouldn't it have worked?" I gulped. 

"Do I really even need to say it?" she smiled. 

"Val I have no idea what you're talking about," I said. 

This was the first time that Val had demonstrated her second super power. The first was her uncanny ability to fall flat on her face or ass in situations where most people wouldn't have. Her second super power was the ability, like most wives have to look into her man's eyes and almost always know his thoughts. 

I tried to turn my face away from her relentless gaze. She grabbed me by my chin and turned me back to face her. 

"Sure you do," she smiled. "Clearly, I'm the idiot here for not seeing this sooner." 

"Not seeing what?" I asked. I had no idea what she was talking about, but let's face it. Most of us will never understand women. 

"Josh you love me," she said. "I'm such an idiot. All of the things you do. All of the places you take me. The fact that you actually listen to me. God, I'm thick."

"Uhm..." I began. At a slight tilt of her head, I shut up. She started to unbutton her blouse, and I grabbed her hands. 

"Jeezus, what now?" she asked.

"I can't do this," I said. 

"You're too young for erectile dysfunction," she said. 

"My erectile is functioning quite well," I spat. 

"Yeah, I know," she smiled. "I can feel it through my jeans. If it was any more erectile, it would probably have pushed my jeans and my panties into my pussy. So why can't we do this?" 

"Because, it's your first time," I said. "That is a really special gift for you to give to someone. It's going to be something you remember for the rest of your life. What will you tell your daughter someday? Yeah, Honey, my first time was with some guy, in his car. Nope, we're going to pause and make arrangements so your first time is really special." 

"Holy shit, my mother is going to love you," she said. I took her home that evening, with her maidenhood still intact. It lasted another week. The following weekend we drove to Niagara Falls and rented a honeymoon suite in one of the hotels. 

We took our time and worked her into a frenzy. By the time I gently pushed my way inside of her, she was on the verge of a massive orgasm, courtesy of my fingers and lips and tongue. She was so close that all it took was a few gentle strokes to push her over the edge. Afterwards, I washed her clean with a warm towel and held her until the pain went away. 

It took her a few days for the soreness to go away, but I never forced anything on her. A few days later, she was all over me again. Our sex life was very full and very healthy. She wanted to try everything. She had no fear and no inhibitions when it came to the two of us. She talked about our sex life as if it was perfectly normal. She, for some reason, seemed to enjoy rubbing it in her roommate's face. 

She seemed to scream especially loud if we did it in her dorm, when her roomie was home. 

The excitement lasted for about a month and a half. That was when we discovered that Val was pregnant. 

We wasted no time driving home to tell her parents the news. Her mom was happy for us. Her dad was skeptical. We had dinner with them in their home and after dinner, I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. I gave her my grandmother's ring, and she accepted my proposal. Even her dad was smiling then. 

We started making plans for how our lives would go. Everyone we knew was happy for us. We drove back to her parents' house every weekend, so she and her mom could plan the wedding. We'd been moving things along really quickly. We wanted to be married before the baby was born. 

It was a typical Saturday morning for us when things changed. Val and her mom, along with a couple of Val's friends who were acting as bride's maids were going shopping that day. Val's Dad and I were going out so he could teach me to play golf. 

She was laughing and making fun of me, when it happened. She used that first super power of hers to change our lives. There was no rug on the floor to trip over; it was just a regular ceramic tile floor. However, somehow Val managed to trip and fell heavily, flat on her tummy. 

She was still laughing when she tried to get up, and suddenly she started to hemorrhage. There was blood everywhere. Her Dad called 911, while I gathered towels and pressed them between her legs to staunch the flow of blood. I scooped her up in my arms and ran to my car. I put her on the front seat and leaned it back as far as I could. 

I broke every speed limit in the state but fortunately there were no police cars around. During the section where we drove on the freeway, our speed was more than a hundred and forty mph. I got her to the ER, and had her on a Gurney, with a doctor hooking up an IV and then called her mom and dad. Her Dad, had been pissed at me for moving her, but he had to admit that I had done the right thing because by the time that I called them, the ambulance hadn't arrived yet. 

Her parents got to the hospital about a half-hour later. They had to explain to the police and the ambulance, why we weren't there. 

She was in surgery for more than four hours. In the end, the doctors told us that Val would make a full recovery, but the baby was gone. Val and I cried our eyes out. Just as one of us would stop crying, the other would start. We both ended up taking a few days off from class. I took a week off. Val never went back. 


Ain't Talkin' Bout Love



After that first week had ended, we were able to take her home. Val was depressed. Her mom and dad were constantly reminding her that it had been an accident. I even tried telling her about how often she tripped and fell over nothing. 

However, Val was inconsolable. "I killed our baby," she cried. That started another bout of crying. It took days before she was ready to talk again. 

Val's parents were church goers. They invited the reverend from their church to come over and say a few words to her. I guess their hope was that he could lift her spirits with a few words of wisdom. 

"Valerie, The Lord works in mysterious ways," he said. "I've known you since you were a little girl. I know that right now you're feeling really bad about this, but you have to look at the bright side. God has a plan for you, and maybe this was just not the time for you to have a baby. The doctors have said that your ability to have children is still there. You can have another baby in the future. And now you don't have to get married." I walked out of the room angrily. 

Her dad ran after me. "Josh, what are you doing?" he asked. "Val needs you." 

He convinced me somehow to go back. The good reverend waved at us as he drove off. "Did Reverend Flynn cheer you up, Honey," he asked Val. 

"Nope," she said. "All he did was tell me that I'd have another chance in the future to be a mom." 

"And don't forget that we don't have to get married, now," I said, sharply. 

"That's true," said Val's Dad. 

"That's bull," I spat. "What does one thing have to do with the other?" 

"Josh, you're a good guy," said Val's dad. "You would have been a good son. When we found out that Val was pregnant, you did the right thing. And you did it without hesitation. However, this gives you two the opportunity to take a step back and..."

"No," I said. "No steps back. I didn't ask Val to marry me because we were pregnant. I asked her because I love her. This is bullshit."

"Calm down, Honey," said Val. "There is nothing on this planet that can keep me from marrying you. Just as soon as I can get out of this bed." 

Her mom and dad were grinning from ear to ear. Six months later, we were married. And our lives together have been awesome. I have a great career as an engineer. Val not only didn't return to college, she never went to work. Taking care of me was her job until six years ago when our son Robbie was born. Everyone was afraid whenever Val even stood up, but the pregnancy was uneventful. Almost a year to the day later, our daughter Yvette came along. 

Our lives were perfect until that damned concert.

* * * * * *

Valerie

It wasn't that fucking concert. How can one thing be blamed for ruining a marriage that has been going on for fourteen years? The seeds were sown many years ago. The concert was just the catalyst for those seeds to ripen. 

To begin with, I've been a silly bitch for most of my life. Almost everything I've done until recently was out of pure vanity. 

Over the years, it just grew worse and worse. It started out with a betrayal and a scheme and grew into something very beautiful, but tainted. 

Let me start at the beginning; you see even Josh doesn't know this part. I started this whole thing as a very average college student. I didn't work very hard at my studies, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. 

To me, college was an extension of high school and every year I told myself that I would get serious the following year. There was one bright spot on my existence. My boyfriend was Steven Dee Golf. They called him Screaming Steve and he was a local rock singer. Like me, Steve had long black hair down to his ass. We looked good together in pictures. I went to see every show that he did. He was always the center of attention, and I was right there beside him. 

In those days, I had a roommate too. Claudia Jenson was her name. She was a big woman. Claudia was the prettiest obese girl I've ever met. She had huge boobs and a big fat ass, but her face was beautiful. I think that to be truthful, her face was prettier than mine. The only thing I had on her was my hair, and the fact that I was thin. I sometimes felt sorry for her because she didn't have many dates. 

I felt so sorry for her that I once took her out to one of Steve's concerts with me. After the concert Steve, as usual, wanted to talk about the show, and how good he'd been. We went back to our dorm. The three of us were excited and really jazzed up. Claudia had some beer, and we started drinking. It was the first time that I'd had alcohol, and it really didn't taste good to me. I barely finished one, and I felt awful. I almost passed out on the sofa, and my stomach was really upset. To this day, I'm not much of a drinker. But that night, I was out of it. I vaguely remember Claudia putting me to bed. 

The next thing I remember I was waking up, and my stomach was churning like there was no tomorrow. I barely made it to the bathroom to vomit out my guts. With the door to the bathroom closed, and the door beyond it to the living room closed; I doubt that Claudia heard me and I didn't hear her.

I was about to go back to bed, when I heard the weirdest sound from the living room. I opened the door and saw my boyfriend thrusting himself into over three hundred pounds of jiggling fat girl. 

I had never seen Claudia naked before that. Her boobs were huge. Each one of them was far bigger than her head. Steve was sucking on one of those huge tits and slamming his dick in and out of her ass. Both of them were moaning like they were about to explode. They were so intent on what they were doing that they had no idea that I was watching them. 

Then Steve pulled his dick out of her ass while groaning like he was near death. Claudia got up and then dropped to her knees and took his dick in her mouth like she was ... Shit she was a fat girl ... And she was acting like his dick was the last donut on earth. 

The first splash of his cum landed on her face. Then she swallowed the rest of it like it was the nectar of the gods. 

"Do my pussy again, baby," she begged. "You fucked everything else so we may as well start over." 

"Okay, just give me a few minutes to ... Oh Shit!" he gasped. He finally saw me in the doorway. "Valerie, this didn't mean anything. Honest babe, it was just sex. I don't even like her. She's just one of those fat girls who let anybody fuck her, seriously!"

"Just get out," I said, far more calmly than I felt. "And take the fat slut with you."

The next day I found out that Claudia and I would have to share the dorm until the end of the semester, unless there was another opening or someone was willing to trade with one of us. 

I also found out that Steve had been cheating on me for months. Apparently his willingness to wait until I was ready to have sex only meant that he was willing to let me wait. Meanwhile, he was free to screw every woman he ran into, including my roommate. 

In the movies, a cheating boyfriend is apologetic and willing to do anything to win back the heart of the woman he loves. Steve never even called me. It was as if his whole attitude was ... "Oh well, ya caught me. I guess we're done. See ya."

I was pissed. I was of course hurt and disillusioned, but mostly I was pissed. 

I found myself walking around until my fucking bones were chilled. I went into a coffee shop that was so crowded that I couldn't find a table. I sat down at a table with a guy I had never seen before. There was nothing special about him; I just wanted to sit down. 

He turned out to be a really nice guy. He bought me coffee and a donut. And he listened to me bitch about Steve and Claudia. As I talked, I really looked at him. He was actually kind of cute. We talked... Well I talked until the place closed, and then he walked me back to my dorm. 

Early the next morning, I was so pissed that I decided to go to class; I ran into Steve coming out of another dorm. 

"Oh hey, Babe," he said. "We on for tonight?" 

"We broke up, last night, remember, asshole?" I yelled. 

"Oh yeah," he said. "Why did we break up, again?" 

"You fucked my roommate, is it coming back to you, now?" I asked. 

"Oh yeah, but that was your fault. If you were taking care of me, I wouldn't have had to go to someone else, ya dig?" he said. I just walked away from him. He clearly didn't miss me. I meant nothing to him. He'd already found another woman and still wanted me too. I began to see that I had deluded myself with Steve. I needed to find someone who really did want to be with me. 

And that was when I tracked down Josh. I decided to use Josh to make Steve jealous. Josh never knew it but we went to a lot of places, just so I could run into Steve. Every time I saw Steve, there was always some slut hanging all over him. 

That was when I decided that I would use Josh to learn about sex. I would give Josh my virginity to make Steve jealous. And then when Steve and I got back together; I would give him all the pussy he wanted. And I wouldn't seem like such a dork because I would know how to do it. 

But somehow, I started to realize that Steve didn't give a half a damn about me. I was sinking into a depression, when a couple of girls that I knew started to ask me questions about Josh. They were talking about how cute he was. They asked me about how I had found him. "He's so much better than that freak you were dating," said one of them. 

I never looked back. The next thing I knew Josh, and I were an item. Then I found myself pregnant. It all just seemed unreal. Then suddenly I was engaged. And through it all, I felt as though there was this warm envelope of love surrounding me. Every girl I knew was jealous of me. 

It was bizarre. Josh loved me so much. Except for my parents, no one had ever felt that way about me. I liked it. And then we lost the baby. I know that my parents and Josh were all very sad about it. I was just numb. 

My dad had been lukewarm about Josh, but after seeing how pissed Josh got at the thought of not marrying me, he realized how much Josh loved me too. 

And Josh really did love me. He was always talking about how beautiful I was. After I got out of the hospital, I expected my body to go back to the same way it was. It didn't. My wedding dress had to be refitted. My boobs were bigger I didn't mind that at all. But my ass was bigger too and so were my thighs. 

Josh loved it. All he talked about was how sexy I was. I, on the other hand, began dieting, and I resented Josh. I resented him because he had been the one who'd gotten me pregnant. The pregnancy and the flooding of my system with hormones led to my ass and thighs getting bigger. 

I had always had the kind of body that looked good in a bikini. On my honeymoon, I was afraid to put one on. Josh made me feel better as usual. He couldn't take his eyes off of me. He told me that I'd been too skinny, but now I was perfect. 

Our lives moved on and after eight years of marriage and being constantly harassed by my parents about when they'd be getting grand kids, I decided to go ahead and give them some. I had two kids in quick succession and found my ass even bigger. 

Once again, I blamed Josh. And although I didn't tell him, I went back on the pill. I went on every type of diet I could find. It was stupid. Yet still Josh kept telling me how sexy I was. My body didn't look anything like the women on TV. 

My ass simply swallows a bikini bottom. Any type of panties I wear become a thong. My thighs are bigger than my husband's. 

My life was a disaster. I was trapped. I was a fucking soccer mom. I had a husband who worshiped me. I liked him, but I wasn't sure about love. I think I loved the fact that he loved me. 

We had two kids who I blamed for ruining my body. And all along, I dreamed of getting back at a guy who probably didn't even remember me. 

During family get-togethers, my dad always talks about how lucky I am to have a beautiful house and a husband who loves me so much. He talks about how great my kids are, and how glad he was when I dumped that loser and met Josh. 

A few years ago, that loser met two Dutch guys in California. Teddie Hal Naven and his brother Angus were a guitarist and drummer. They added a bass player named Anthony Michaels and the band Hal Naven was born. I was so depressed that I didn't know what to do. 

My ex was now a world-famous rock star, and I was wiping the noses of little kids and entertaining offers to join the PTA. I got more depressed every year. I also got better at covering it up. 

Hal Naven's first three albums went platinum. They traveled all over the world. Steve got into all kinds of trouble the way rock stars do. There were drug busts and a couple of arrests and lots and lots of women. I should have been there. I would have been there if it hadn't been for Josh. 

I'd been beautiful and thin until Josh started pumping babies into my tummy and making my ass big. 

Hal Naven's fourth album sucked. It did not go platinum. It did not go gold. In fact, it was out of the metals. The album went wood. That is a special category for recordings that have more returned to the record company than were actually produced. Kids were making bootleg copies of the record and turning them back into the record company for a refund. 

The band was arguing, and they all blamed each other. Steve went solo. His tour was bringing him home. I was dying to go to the show. I bought a ticket and told Josh I was going. 

"Well okay," he said. "If you really want to, we'll go." 

"Josh, I want to go alone," I told him. I could see the pain in his eyes, but he nodded his head and told me to have a good time. My heart leaped in my chest. I hoped, and I prayed that Steve might see me among all of those thousands of people.  

I think over the two weeks that I had to wait until the night of the concert; I hurt Josh more than I ever had. I walked around the house singing Steve's single, "Ain't talkin' bout Love." 

I went out and got my hair trimmed and got my makeup redone. I bought a new outfit. It had a very low cut top and a very tight skirt. Josh took one look at it and went out for a drive in his Mustang. For the first time since we'd met he didn't sleep with me. 

Something told me that I was making a mistake, but I was so excited about the concert that I couldn't think of anything else. 

The night of the concert, I left as soon as Josh got home and could watch the kids. I ran out of the door and drove downtown to the concert hall. I stood in line for over two hours with a bunch of teenaged boys and a few older guys. There were a few groupies there too. 

When they finally let us inside, the crowd pushed inside the doors. I was swept along with the flow of the crowd. I knew that if I tried to stop. I would be trampled. 

I finally got to a spot right up front near the stage. As soon as the lights went off, I was being groped and felt up. 

I turned and felt even more hands on me. And then the music started. There he was no more than ten feet away from me. I screamed when I saw Steve in all of his glory. He had on tights and a loose tunic-like shirt. He wore a bandanna wrapped around his head that was the same material as his shirt. 

The guitars and drums were loud as hell but Steve's vocals were the loudest of all. 

"Ain't talking bout love," he sang. "My love is rotten to the core." 

"Ain't talking bout love," the crowd sang along with him. "Just like I told you before." 

And then it happened. I looked up directly into Steve's eyes, and he smiled. He nodded at me and made a gesture to one of his roadies. The next thing I knew, I was being invited back stage. I watched the rest of the show from the back stage area. There were several groupies back there with me. We waved at all of the people staring at us from the audience. 

I felt really special. Most of the women in the backstage area were really pretty or really slutty young girls. When I was younger, I would have felt right at home with them. I wished more than anything else that I had my body back. I let my hair down and swung it out to free it. None of them had hair like mine. Sure, there were blonds with curls and a few with very straight hair, but nothing like my dark tresses. 

There were men walking by and looking at us. They whistled and made comments. I began to feel good again. But then as if to remind me of what Josh and his kids had taken from me; I heard two of the girls talking. 

"My God, look at that giant ass," said one. "And her thighs would probably crush a guy." They both giggled. 

"Be nice," said the other one. "She's probably someone in the band's grandmother."

"It's pathetic," added another woman. "She really should be at home in her rocking chair with a cup of tea and her cat." 

Then I heard them start to scream. I thought they were all laughing at me, but a shadow that fell over me made me turn around. There he was pushing through the group of girls until he got to me. Then his arms opened, and I ran into them. 

"Hey Babe. Been a long time hasn't it?" he shouted. The other girls were pissed. They scattered, trying to compete for the guys in the band that hadn't picked anyone yet. When the band was all partnered off, they went after the road crew.

"You haven't changed a bit," he said. We left the arena and went to his trailer. We talked for a long time. He filled me in on everything he'd done since he'd left Michigan. His life was exciting. He'd been all over the world several times. I envied him. 

He smoked some really strong weed. I took a puff or two, so I didn't seem stuffy or boring. I didn't like it. I liked what came next even less. He took me by the hand, pushed me down over the back of his sofa, pulled my panties down roughly and started fucking me. As he slammed his dick home in me, it really hurt. I think it was the surprise. He didn't give me a chance to get into the mood. I wondered why I wasn't ready. It never took me very long to get ready with Josh. 

Then I remembered that Josh always cheated. He always spent a lot of time kissing me, and rubbing me, and eating my pussy until I just begged him to fuck me. 

The weirdest thing happened. Just thinking about Josh got me wet. But it was too late. Steve had pulled out. Before I knew it, he had lined up and forced the head of his dick up my ass. The pain was incredible. Josh and I experimented with anal sex a few times. I really didn't like it. I gave it to Josh every once in a great while as a special treat. He understood it for what it was and was very gentle and appreciative. Steve was just slamming his dick in my ass like a madman. I started crying, and he took my whimpers for moans. 

"Ooh baby, I may have to keep you around," he leered. "Someone really likes it up the old poop chute, huh?"

"Mmm Hmm, love it," I spat. It was a lie, and I felt like I was giving away a piece of my soul. But I was willing to let him do it, if it got me what I wanted. 

"Oh shit!" he said a little while later. "You have to go and pack, don't you?" I had thought that he was going to send me home with an autograph or something. 

"What do I need to pack for?" I asked. 

"We're leaving," he said. "This was my homecoming. It was the last stop on the US leg of the tour. The record isn't doing well here. So, I'll head home tomorrow and spend a few days at my home in California, and then we'll head out on the road again. We're going to Europe, then South America, then Japan." 

"But what does that have to do with me?" I asked. 

"You're coming with me, aren't you?" he asked. It was as if the clouds had opened and given me my fondest dream. 

I hurried home. Of all the early Saturday mornings of my life, all one thousand eight hundred and twenty of them this was the best. I was in heaven. The drive home seemed magical. I don't normally drive very fast, but that morning, I broke the speed limits and ended up getting pulled over by the police. 




Ain't Talkin' Bout Love



When the officer gave me my ticket, he asked me where I was going. I told him that I was going home. He smiled at me and told me that would be a good thing. I asked him why and he told me that Josh had been frantic. He had been calling the police stations and hospitals all night. He had even gotten my parents involved. 

I just laughed and told the officer that I had gone out for the evening and had simply lost track of time. I laughed again. The cop didn't seem to think it was funny though. 

"Aren't you a bit old to be acting like a teenager?" he asked. "You're lucky to have people who care about you enough to worry about you."

When I got home about twenty minutes later, the house was lit up like it was Christmas. I walked into the house and went straight up the stairs. Josh heard me and ran up the stairs after me. 

"It's her," he yelled. I heard a stampede of people running up the stairs after that. Before I knew it. Josh, my dad, my mom, and both of the kids were all in the bedroom with me. I looked at my watch, knowing I didn't have much time and began packing. I didn't need very many clothes because Steve would buy me what I needed. Mostly, what I needed was personal items and things like my phone and maybe my laptop.

"What happened, Honey, are you okay?" asked Josh. 

"I'm great," I said. "In fact, fact I'm better than great." 

"But I tried calling you," he said. "I called you at least fifty times." 

"I turned the phone off," I said. 

"Why?" he asked. 

"Because you get on my God damned nerves," I snapped. The pain on his face stopped me. "Look Josh, you're a nice guy. You really are. But it's time for the truth. I like you; I really do. And I don't want to hurt you. But I've never loved you the way I love Steve. In fact, I only started dating you to make him jealous. I only had sex with you to make him jealous. I only agreed to marry you because I got pregnant. I haven't been happy for a long time. And now I have a chance to be happy. I hope you can understand this, but I'm leaving."

"Okay, you don't love ME," he said. "But what about our kids?" There were tears running down his face. 

"Josh, I'm really not trying to hurt you or anyone else," I said. "But I never wanted any kids. I just..."

"You selfish bitch," spat my father. I ignored him and concentrated on Josh. 

"Josh, the real key to raising happy children is love. You love those kids. You're a great father; they'll be fine without me. You can handle it," I said. 

"What about your family and your parents?" he asked. 

"You can have them too," I laughed. "Maybe they can help you with your kids."

Josh had no idea what to say. When he heard me say, "Your kids," he folded. He literally fell to his knees trying not to cry. It was exactly the kind of thing I'd tried to avoid. 

I wished that I had been able just to slip into the house grab my stuff and slip back out. I had called a taxi from the car, since I would be leaving it. I was sure that Steve would buy me a Rolls or something more fitting my status as a rock star's wife. He told me that his lawyers would handle my legal problems, so that wasn't an issue. I just needed to get out of the house, and I'd be free.

"Josh, look you don't have to worry about the divorce or anything. Steve's lawyers are going to handle that. You can keep everything. After all, you were the one who bought it all anyway. If you play your cards right maybe you can even get some money out of this. Steve is a rock star. They're all loaded," I told him. 

"I don't need any money," he said. His lip quivered, and it was all I could do to close my suitcase and keep moving. Something inside of me told me that I was making a huge mistake. But I told that something to shut the fuck up. "All I ever wanted was..." he began.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed. "Don't fuckin' say it. You'll just make yourself seem whiny and weak. I get it. You love me. You'll get over it. I was meant for bigger and better things. You have no idea of the sacrifices I've made for you. Look what you did to my body. My ass is huge. I was never this fat before you started getting me pregnant every year. Shit, if I hadn't gone back on the pill after Yvette was born, we'd probably have more kids, and I'd be as big as a house. Just let me go and we'll all be happier!"

By the time I was finished, I was screaming. My dad was glaring at me. Josh, with tears streaming down his cheeks was hugging our two crying children. They really had no idea what their mommy was so angry about. My mother was hugging Josh and had turned her back on me. "It's hormones ... Maybe she has a brain tumor ... She doesn't know what she's saying. Don't worry Josh, she doesn't mean a word of it," she said. 

I picked up my suitcase and turned my back on the past. 

* * * * * *

Josh

After two days, I still missed her. I had no sense of pride or self-respect. I would have taken her back in a second. I wanted so badly to believe that her mom had been right. Please God, let it be something like that. Let her hormones be in a flux. Let it be a brain tumor ... at least one that can be operated on. 

After two weeks, I realized that I had to move forward, if only for my kids. At five and six years old, they really didn't understand what was going on, or what had happened. Yvette was especially unaffected by it. She was seemingly enjoying all of the extra time her daddy was spending with her. 

The three of us were going grocery shopping together for the first time. I had made what I believed was a good list. We were slowly trudging up and down the aisles. I had added more things to the basket than were on my list. There were things in the basket that I didn't remember putting in it. I chalked it up to my day dreaming. I knew that there were times when I would simply stand in place and just zone out. 

Most of the time I was thinking about Valerie, or what I might have done or not done that caused her to fall out of love with me. However, that wasn't exactly true was it. The truth was that she had fooled me or made a fool out of me for all of those years. I was still having trouble believing that she had never..."

"Are you even listening to me?" she asked. I shook my head and realized that there was a woman standing in front of me. And more importantly she was holding Robbie by his hand. 

"I'm sorry," I said. "What did he do?" 

"Nothing really," she smiled. "He was helping me shop. I looked up, and he was filling my basket." 

"I'm sorry again," I said. I picked up Robbie and put him next to his sister in the buggy. We smiled at each other and turned away. I did look at her but only in a passing sense. 

We finished our shopping and were in the checkout line when we saw her again. She was in the next line, putting her things on the conveyor. Robbie started waving at her, and she waved back. He started giggling and then Yvette joined in. She was giggling and waving although I'm not sure that she understood why. 

I nodded at the woman again and noticed how nice her smile was. I didn't see a wedding ring, which considering how attractive she was made no sense. But then it was clear that I didn't understand women. Women are like cats. They just do whatever the fuck they want and their logic defies reason. 

I ran into her yet again while walking back to my car. Her car, a Jeep Commander, was parked next to my 09 Mustang GT. As soon as I rolled my cart next to her; she started laughing. 

I put the kids in their car seats and opened my trunk. She was laughing even more, then. 

"What's so funny?" I asked. 

"I like your car," she giggled. "It's beautiful." 

"Thanks," I said. 

"I'd imagine that it's wonderful for drives and short day trips," she said. 

"It's great for everything," I said sensing a "but" coming. 

"Was this your first time doing the shopping?" she asked. 

"Yeah, why?" I asked. 

"How are you going to get all of those groceries in that tiny little trunk?" she asked. "Normally, I'd have expected you to shove some of them in your back seat. But, you've got two kids back there and..." 

"Okay, I get it," I said. She finished packing her own car and leaned against it to watch me. I filled the trunk until it almost wouldn't close. Then I started arranging things in the empty front passenger seat. I could hear her giggling and tittering. She really was pretty. It's a shame she was such a smart ass. 

"Fuck it!" I said. I opened my door and started to get into my car. 

"Wait, you're not just going to leave all of that stuff in the basket are you?" she asked. 

"That was the plan," I said. "I'm too tired to do anything else. I'll consider it a lesson learned. Next time I'll drive another car. I have to learn to do things differently now. I'm going to make some mistakes. This was just one of them." 

She was still smiling, and my embarrassment was growing. I kind of wished that she would just leave. It seemed as if she was using my problems for her entertainment. 

"Wait a minute," she said. "Since you're my future father. I might be able to help you."

"How am I your father?" I asked. I was beginning to believe that as pretty as she was, she was crazy."

"Well, your son did tell me I was pretty. So I told him he was my boyfriend." She said.

"Hmmm," I said, looking at her. "So what did you have in mind?"

"How about if you load the rest of your groceries into my car, and I follow you home?" she asked.

I had to admit that it was a good idea. So that was what we did. Once we got to the house, she carried my sleeping son into the house while I carried Yvette. 

She looked around and made that face. I started carrying the groceries in and placing the bags on the floor in the kitchen. I wanted to get everything out of her car as quickly as I could. When I came back with my second load, she was putting dishes into the dishwasher. I didn't say anything. 

When I came in again she was gathering dishes and fast food wrappers from the living room. 

On my next trip in she was arranging the pillows and neatening the living room. She had taken her jacket off and was cleaning as if she lived with us. 

The next thing she did surprise me. She stepped in behind me and started helping me put the groceries away. I hated to admit it, but it felt good. When we were all done she started to empty the dish washer. 

I went to the freezer and pulled out a steak. She stared at me crazily and grabbed at her waist. 

"Are you a vegetarian or something?" I asked. She ran and grabbed her jacket. She reached into it and found what she'd been looking for. 

"No, I'm not a vegetarian," she said. She held her phone up to her ear and started talking. "There's no way I can get there," she said. "Have fun without me."

I had gone back into the kitchen while she spoke on the phone. I was crushing my steak. I crushed the meat to tenderize it, instead of beating it, to avoid waking the kids.

"Okay, my steak looks good," she said. "Where's yours?"

"Huh?" I asked. 

"You made me miss my dinner date, the least you could do is feed me," she said.

I got another steak out and started to crush and marinade it. When the steaks were done I went out onto the deck and started the grill. 

It was a very beautiful, crystal clear night with the moon shining down. I had her chop some veggies to put on the grill with the steaks. She also got plates and silverware out.

I pointed to a stack of paper plates, and she shook her head.

"It's so beautiful out here. I want real plates and real silverware," she said. As I manned the grill, she busied herself. I had no idea what she was doing. 

"Where are the candles?" she asked. "I know you have candles."

"I think they're in the dining room in one of the drawers in the buffet," I said. 

She ran off to find them.

A short time later we sat across from each other. The combination of moonlight and the soft light from the candles made the setting seem romantic. 

Her eyes were the bluest blue I had ever seen. They were almost like doll eyes with their unreal brightness. 

"This is sooo good," she mumbled with her mouth full of food. On most people talking while eating seemed sloppy or classless, but somehow she managed to make it seem cute.

"Sylina," she said. "S-Y-L-I-N-A, my dad's mom was Sylvia, and my mom's mom was Lina."

I started laughing then. I realized that we'd been together for all of that time and didn't know each other's names.

"I'm Josh," I said. "Since you're going to marry my son, Robbie, I guess we should know each other's names.

We spent the rest of the evening just talking. It was a nice, pressure free evening. I told her my story, and how I was just learning how to live without Valerie. She already saw some of my learning experiences in trying to be both parents to my kids.

Her story was completely different. At twenty-eight years old, she was retired. Six years earlier, she'd been riding in a car with her parents. They had just gone out to eat, to celebrate their anniversary. They were driving on the freeway and had just passed under a pedestrian bridge when it collapsed. The car was crushed. Her parents were killed instantly. 

Sylina had to be cut out of the car. No one expected her to survive. She broke almost every bone in her body. She also had multiple organs either failing or on the verge of failing. It took over 11 surgeries to stabilize her, and she was in a coma for almost a year. 

She awoke to a clean slate. She had very little memory of what had happened to her. It took months of therapy to gently stimulate her memory before bits and pieces of her life began to come back. 

She grieved alone about the death of her parents. She had no other relatives. Most of her friends, including a fiancé had abandoned her. However, she had far more pressing concerns. She had to relearn almost everything. 

It took her more than six months to slowly and painfully build up the strength to walk. More therapy followed until she was able to leave the hospital and resume or begin was more correct, her life. The state was ready to settle with her. The bridge had been ignored when it came to basic maintenance, despite the fact that several engineers had warned them that it was on the verge of collapse. 

Between the insurance money and the settlement from the state she ended up with ten million dollars. Now she just lived. She spent most of her time shopping and just living. She was bored to tears. 

I suggested that she just try to figure out what she wanted to do with her life and then go back to school, so she could do it. 

She told me that she'd tried several different courses of study and got bored with all of them. She was more interested in why Valerie had left us. 

When I explained that Val had left us for Screaming Steve Dee Golf, the former lead singer of Hal Naven, she laughed as if I had just told her the funniest joke she'd ever heard. 

"That guy is a clown," she laughed. "He's a caricature; he's like a game-show host. He's supposed to be a singer, but he can't sing. From what I've heard his record isn't really selling. I guarantee you he'll end up in the Ice Capades wearing a Snoopy costume." She laughed as she said it. 

She noticed that my mood had shifted. "What's wrong, Josh?" she asked softly.

"Maybe he is a joke but what does that make me?" I asked. "My wife left me after all of those years of being married, to be with that joke."

That first night was only the beginning. Over the course of a few weeks, Sylina became a part of our family. It started out casually, with her dropping by just to see me or the kids. Then she started meeting me directly after work and even going with me to pick the kids up from daycare. 

The women at the daycare center loved her. It was a good thing they did, because one afternoon, an emergency at work left me with no other resort than to have her pick them up for me. 

I don't know when it became normal, but it did. Before I knew it, I was spending all of my time with Sylina. The time we spent on my deck or on my sofa, began to dominate my thoughts. Our sessions weren't sexual in those first few weeks. We cuddled a lot and kissed. The kisses were getting hotter as time went on. Neither of us mentioned the elephant in the room with us. The fact that I was technically, still married, seemed unimportant to both of us. 

My birthday changed all of that. We sat at the table with the kids and mys while I opened my presents. Sylina and the kids sang happy birthday to me, and I blew out the candles. I closed my eyes and made a wish. 

After mys had gone home, I was sure that their first meeting with Sylina had gone well. 

"Josh you seemed a little disappointed earlier," she said. "Were you hoping that Val would show up for your birthday?" 

"Val who?" I asked. 

"Smart man," she laughed. "Did you get your wish anyway?"

"Nope," I said. "When I opened my eyes you still had your clothes on."

* * * * * *

Valerie

In every new situation, there's a period of adjustment. I remember when Josh and I first moved in together. He was so nervous that he went outside every time he had to fart. He wanted me to be comfortable, so he went out of his way to make sure that everything was the way that I wanted it. It took a while for him to realize that I wasn't going to just leave him over some minor disagreement.

But things were different here. I spent most of my time watching a flurry of activity that spun around me. The strange thing about it was that everyone seemed to know who I was, but none of them spoke to me. 

The guys seemed to be constantly giving me the once over. Most of them smiled afterwards. I got the feeling that they knew something that I didn't know.

After thinking about it for a while, I realized that they had probably been told that I was Steve's new woman. 

I hardly ever saw Steve that first day, but one of his assistants was constantly coming into the trailer to make sure that I was comfortable and happy. 

"He's got meetings and interviews pretty much every second until we leave," said Bert, Steve's assistant. "That's the rock and roll lifestyle."

Sometime after midnight, Steve rolled in. He was drunk off his ass and wanted to fuck mine. 

It hurt even more because this time he didn't even bother to fuck my pussy first. When he'd done that the first time, at least he'd had some of my vaginal secretions to partially lube my anus. This time it was just him forcing his dry dick into my already sore asshole. And again Steve either mistook my cries of pain for cries if pleasure, or he just didn't give a damn. After he was done, he reached into the dresser next to the bed and pulled out some sort of pipe. He smoked something and offered to let me hit it between puffs.

I shook my head. What I really needed was a Tylenol 1,000,000 to ease the pain in my ass.

"Drug free huh?" said Steve between puffs. "Me too. I'm just smoking this crack for my glaucoma. It really helps. But other than that and a little bit of weed or Hash, I don't touch anything. Okay, every once in a great while, if I'm really stressed out I might take a ride on the horse. But I am totally drug free."

Then he rolled over and went to sleep. He was snoring in only a few moments. He was sleeping in his clothes, like a bum. 

It just didn't seem like the glamorous life I had envisioned. So I lay there next to a stinking, snoring man, wondering if my ass was bleeding. Things had to get better. 

Just before I fell asleep, I found myself wondering what Josh was doing. I hoped that he, and the kids were fine. I wanted them to be happy. I just wanted to be happy too.

In all of the time that we'd been together, I had never considered it, but I missed Josh. We had never been apart before. Even when he traveled for work, he always took me along. 




Ain't Talkin' Bout Love



Another funny thing was that when I first broke up with Steve and started with Josh, I hadn't missed Steve at all. Maybe I'd known all along that I would see Steve again.

When I awoke the next morning, the trailer was already moving. Steve was still beside me snoring away. I got up and looked around. The trailer had full kitchen facilities but there was no food. 

I wanted to call someone to tell them what I was doing. But I couldn't think of what to say. Finally, I called my best friend Angela. When she answered the phone, I could tell she was busy with her kids.

"Hey, do you want to meet up and take all of the brats to the park to play?" she asked. "I need a change of scenery and some adult conversation before I go nuts."

"Angie, I'm done with all of that," I said. I told her what I had done. There was nothing but silence on the line.

"Angie, are you still there?" I asked. 

"Uh yeah!" she said after a long pause. "Val, are you okay? I mean why would you do something like that? You have a great life. You have two adorable kids and a really cute husband who loves you. I don't get it. Where are your kids?"

"Don't know, don't care," I said. "That is a problem for Josh."

"He must be really upset about this," she said. 

"He'll get over it," I said. She started asking me questions about Josh. 

"Val would it seem weird if I stopped by so my kids could visit yours?" she asked. Suddenly, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I realized that Angie as a divorced woman would look at Josh like a hungry dog going after a steak. I didn't like it.

"Angie, stay away from my husband!" I told her.

"Val we must have a bad connection," she said. "I can't hear you. Val you're breaking up ...turhjdjh!"

"God damn it, Angie," I yelled. "That shit won't work. I know you can hear me." Then the phone went dead. I knew that Angie was going after Josh. 

"Babe, I need to fuckin' sleep," mumbled Steve. I sat on the sofa quietly after that. Occasionally I looked out the window and watched the scenery pass. Being a rock star's girl friend was boring. 

I must've dozed off for a while because when I opened my eyes, Bert was in the room, and he looked worried. He woke Steve up, and the two of them had a few words. 

Bert came over to me, but not before I noticed something about Steve. 

When Steve got out of bed, his bandanna had slipped to the side. It was all I could do to keep myself from laughing. The top of Steve's head was as hairy as a bowling ball. All of the hair on top was some sort of wig that was attached to the bandanna.

With Bert standing in front of me, I could barely concentrate on what he was saying. But then something came through.

"Are you hungry, Valerie?" he asked. "Can you and Danny go on a food run for us?" I listened intently to what he was saying. I wanted to earn my place and prove my worth, not just as Steve's girlfriend, but as a contributing member of the crew.  

Bert explained to me that the trucks, and the bus that the band rode in and Steve's trailer were all massive slow moving vehicles. In order to make it to our destination on time they needed to keep moving. The answer was to send one or two people out in smaller faster cars to run errands. There was a McDonald's about ten miles up the road. We had to drive Danny's car to get as far ahead of the trucks as possible, go into the restaurant and get the food, then get back on the road and catch up to the trucks. 

"Okay," I said. 

In a few moments, the bus slowed, and I jumped out. A man who'd been following us in a car pulled right over to me. Bert had stuck some bills in my purse. I looked at the bills and counted over two hundred dollars. 

"We have twenty guys to feed, plus you," said Danny.

Soon we had left the trailer and the trucks far behind us. We pulled through a toll booth and had to stop and answer questions as we entered the state of Indiana. 

The officers were polite, and we were back on our way in minutes.

"The bus and the trucks will probably be searched when they get here," said Danny. "That will help us make some time up."

"Why will they search the bus and the trucks?" I asked.

"They always think that bands carry drugs or other stuff," said Danny, laughing. "Willie Nelson fucked it up for everybody. But they won't find anything."

"But Steve had..." I began. He smiled. 

"Don't worry about Steve. He's way too smart to get caught. He'll have moved all of his stuff out of the trailer, by the time they get to the check point."

I had a funny feeling when he said that. I was really worried about Steve. I also had a lot of other things on my mind. Not the least of which was Josh and my kids. 

Shit, I had to admit it. I missed Josh. I even missed his body destroying brats. I missed him waking up and reaching for me. I missed him staring at me like I was one of those women on TV. I missed him fondling my fat ass every time he could reach it. I missed his gentle yet passionate love making. I missed him eating my pussy. Apparently, Steve doesn't think I have done. I was beginning to think that I had made a mistake.

It took us almost an hour to get two hundred dollars worth of meals ordered and packaged. As we were loading the last of it, the bus, followed by Steve's trailer drove by. We quickly grabbed everything and drove off after the bus. We shot past them, and I noticed that the door of the bus was open. Danny snatched a few bags and handed them to someone on the bus. He did the same with each truck. Finally, we approached the trailer. It slowed down as we got to it and pulled over. I grabbed a couple of bags of food and drinks and waved good-bye to Danny.

Steve and Bert were laughing up a storm when I got into the trailer.

"I told you she was great," said Steve. Bert just kept nodding his head. That was the way it went for the next few days. It was early afternoon when we pulled into a compound surrounding a large dilapidated house. The house looked like it was on its last legs. There were people running around everywhere. As soon as the vehicles stopped, the crew started unloading equipment. After that they all took off. Some went inside of the house others got into cars or trucks and left the compound. 

I wandered inside of the house. The inside was like a huge bachelor pad. There were several giant TVs in the great room. Some were attached to gaming systems, and others showed movies or videos.

There were several small children running around. They acted kind of like feral cats. They would sit or fall down in front of a TV or start playing a game. They also looked up at every adult who passed by them. 

Seeing those kids made me think of my own. I started to wonder how I could have just walked away from my own children. They were my kids. Maybe after I got my feet under me, I could start sending them cards or small gifts from time to time. Maybe Josh would even let me visit them when I was in Michigan. 

All of a sudden, I noticed Steve walking into the room. Everyone waved at him or nodded to him. He smiled and sat down on a comfy sofa. He took off the bandanna and with it the fake hair. He rubbed the top of his head and fidgeted around as if he was having trouble getting comfortable. He stood up and then pulled his shirt up. Underneath his loose-fitting jean shirt, he was wearing what looked like a girdle. He undid several Velcro straps and then dropped it to the floor. I was appalled. My rock god boyfriend was a bald, paunchy middle-aged man. He had gained at least ten years in appearance just by dropping his hair and his girdle. 

As I looked across the room at him, I wondered what else about him was fake. Before I could really focus in on his face, SHE came down the stairs. The entire mood in the room changed. Everyone looked at her. 

"Okay, what the hell happened?" she asked. Her voice was loud enough that she didn't have to yell or scream. Bert came running from nowhere. And Steve straightened up as if he was on trial. 

"Uhm, Brianna ... uh Steve was showing signs of exhaustion," said Bert. "So we just rescheduled ... a few of the smaller market interviews, so he could ..."

"Bert, what do you do?" she asked. Again, her voice was unstressed and even calm sounding. 

"I'm Steve's road manager," said Bert. 

She nodded. I noticed then how beautiful she was. Her hair wasn't as long as mine or as thick, but it was beautiful. It was very blond with what I thought were a few strands of gray in it. She had a few wrinkles and was probably about my age. Several of the kids ran over to her, and one of the younger ones crawled up into her lap. 

"That means that you manage Steve, while he's on the road correct?" she asked. 

"Yes Ma'am," he said.

"Then why the hell didn't you MANAGE to get his ass to the interviews that he was supposed to do?" she asked. Bert seemed to physically shrink before her. 

"Maybe it isn't you Bert," she said. "Maybe it's me. Maybe I just have this thing stuck in my mind where the interviews, and the concerts are supposed to drive up sales of the CD. Then I check the books and see that the fucking CD is not selling at all. I see that it's way below our projected bottom line. And I also see that ticket sales for the concerts are way down, which means that revenue from those concerts, is in the red. Then I get calls from not one or two, but seven radio stations where Steve didn't show up. That makes me think that we're going to lose money. 

So let's see how this works. If the CD isn't selling, and we're losing money on the concerts, then I have no money to pay YOU or anyone else. That makes me think that maybe I need a new road manager. Someone who will treat my infantile husband more like a manager and less like a friend. Is that what I'm supposed to see?" 

"No Ma'am," croaked Bert. "I'll do better."

"You're gonna fucking have to," she spat. "Let me explain something to you. Steve is basically a baby. Babies just scream and expect something. Stevie isn't a fucking opera singer. He just yells words over music. If he was less musical, he'd be a rapper. Steve doesn't understand the business side of things. He just wants to get in front of a crowd and do his thing. The truth is that he would probably do it for free. You and I have to BE the adults here, Bert. We have to make sure that we make MONEY. Do you understand that?" 

"Yes Ma'am," said Bert. 

"Bert, if we don't make money, we don't eat, and we don't pay our bills, and Steve doesn't get to perform. It's even harder now. Half of the kids out there don't even buy music anymore. They just steal it off of the Internet. I'll expect to see you in my office in an hour to go over the expense reports from the tour and talk about reducing costs for Europe!" 

"Yes Ma'am," croaked Bert. 

"Who the fuck is that?" she asked. She nodded her head towards me. There had to be at least twenty-five people in the cavernous room, but she had somehow picked me out of all of them. It was as if she knew every roadie, crew member and groupie there, but somehow realized that I was different. 

Bert whispered something to her that I couldn't make out. 

"What!" she laughed. "She's almost as old as I am. You're kidding right? Was he high when he... never mind!" 

She crossed the room then, still shaking her head. When she got near me, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "Run." 

I squared up with her and stood up. "You can't make me leave here," I said. "Steve invited me." 

"Honey you can stay for as long as you want," she smirked. "I was trying to give you a chance to escape this circus while you had a chance. I wanted to give you the opportunity to go back to whatever it was you walked away from before you get hurt."

"No you're afraid that I'll replace you with Steve," I said. "We've already started having sex."

"If that's what you want to call it," she said. "I'm all for it. The more he screws you the less he wants to shove that thing up MY ass. Let me guess; you saw him on TV, and he's your soul mate right? Honey, my husband isn't anyone's soul mate except for his own. He doesn't know what love is. The man doesn't even know the names of his own children. All he knows is what he wants."

"But he..." I began. 

"Yeah I know he sings lyrics about you," she said. "They all say that. Don't any of you listen to the lyrics? Steve doesn't do love songs. "Ain't talking bout love. My love is rotten to the core. Ain't talkin' bout love. Just like I told you before." 

"What is it in that song that makes you think he loves you or anyone else? Tell you what, if you leave now I'll fly you back to Idaho or wherever you're from. If you decide to stay, you're on your own. I'll feed you and give you a roof over your head, but you'll have to get home on your own." 

"I'm staying," I said. 

"Okay, you can sleep in one of the rooms on the third floor with the other whores, when you're not fucking Steve. Make sure you use condoms. I got him snipped a few years back, but he doesn't need any diseases, and we can't afford any more God damned kids. I'm not even sure about all the ones we have now. Good luck. And find a way to make yourself useful. We don't need any more freeloaders around here."

She walked off, and I found myself staring after her. Things were not going the way I'd expected. From what I was able to see, Steve wasn't rich at all. I'd always thought that Rock stars basically printed money. But the music business clearly wasn't what it once was. 

For the next couple of weeks, I tried to fit in. Brianna watched me like a hawk. I think she did everything she could to make me uncomfortable. There were a few times when members of the crew came over and started talking to me, only to disappear as if they'd been caught in a magician's puff of smoke when she came around. 

At least she spoke to me several times. I think she needed it as much as I did. We talked about several different things. One of those things was Steve's career. Things were far worse than I had ever expected. 

"This record is simply not selling," she said. "I wish that asshole hadn't shot his mouth off and tried to be a big shot." 

"This probably isn't my place to suggest," I said. "But is there no chance that he couldn't just go back to..." 

"Hal Naven?" she asked. I nodded. "Honey, those little Dutch boys may as well be the M&M twins. The only things they seem to know about are music and money. They had replaced Steve two days after he left and they have never looked back. They got the former lead singer from the band Mongoose, Stanley Hungar. They took their time and put out what might be their best album ever. It's certainly more of a commercial success. It's a bit different from the stuff they were doing with Steve. All of the rock writers seem to believe that Steve was holding them back musically. Their album is number one with a bullet on the rock charts. They're also selling out stadiums all over the world. Everyone seems to want to see how they perform live, without Steve."  

"Well, Teddy really is an incredible guitar player," I said. "I always thought that he and Steve were best buddies. Whenever you see them in concerts they're always smiling and patting each other on the back and stuff." 

"It's an act, Honey, said. "They do it because the audience wants to believe they're happy and friendly and having a great time. When they're not performing Steve and Teddy can't stand the fuck out of each other." 

"But why," I asked? 

"Ego," she said. "The music business is driven by it. Steve hates the fact that the Band was named after Teddy and his brother. He also hated the fact that Teddy was always getting those awards as best musician or best guitar player. Every time you picked up a guitar magazine it had Teddy's face on the cover. Teddy hates Steve because for Teddy the music was everything. If it was left up to Teddy they probably wouldn't tour nearly as much. He built a studio on his property and he goes there every day just to jam and to record. Steve almost never rehearses and he gets really sloppy live. There are more than a few times when he was so drunk while on stage that he forgot the lyrics and just started to hum or mumble gibberish along with the music." 

"Wow," I said. 

"There's also the drug thing," she continued. "Those little Dutch boys drink like fish, but they don't do recreational drugs. Steve on the other hand has been in and out of rehab since he was in short pants. You need to be careful that you don't get pulled into that shit." 

"So what happens now?" I asked. 

"Well, if sales of the record don't pick up, I'm gonna have to give Steve a kick in his ass," she said. "I may have to burst his fantasy and explain to him that he just isn't solo act material. We may have to put him in another famous band as a replacement singer. Failing that, he can always go on the has-been circuit. Maybe I can get him a spot as a judge on U.S. Idle or the Throat." 

Another thing we always seemed to talk about was my life. She seemed to be fascinated by hearing about my life, my family, and my marriage. 

"So he never cheated on you even once?" she asked me for probably the tenth time. 

"He paid all of the bills and came home to you every night?" she continued. I just nodded. 

"So what did he do wrong?" she asked. I had no answers for her. I was beginning to realize that I had probably made a big mistake. 

Two days later we were back on the road. Brianna had slipped me a few hundred dollars to make sure that I had money to eat and for surprise expenses. 

Brianna had done some moving and shaking behind the scenes. In the time that we'd been home she had pushed back the European tour dates to allow for a quick jaunt through several southern states. She'd had Steve doing interviews with every southern TV, radio, and internet outfit that she could find. Almost by strength of will she was forcing him down the public's throat. By doing that she had forced the public to think about him and by doing it, had forced the sales of the record up a bit. 

She'd also given me a phone and told me to be careful and if I saw Steve doing anything stupid, to call her without any hesitation. 

Steve was glad to be back on the road again. I think that he had the idea that while we were on the road he could control things. When the band was at home, Brianna was clearly in charge. The first night that we were back, we had sex again. It was as bad as all of the other times. The next morning I asked him the question that had been going through my mind. 

"Steve, what is it with you and anal?" I asked him. 

"Your pussy isn't really tight enough for me to enjoy it," he said. "Your ass squeezes my dick and it feels really good. Besides, you like it too, right? You're my freaky little ass fuckin' sweetheart, right?" 

"Uhm ... sure," I lied. "I was just wondering." 

He smiled at me and for a second he seemed like the boy he was when we were in college. Sure he had a beer gut that he wore a girdle over and with his big nose and hairless pate, he resembled a bald eagle, but just for a second we were young again. 

In that final few seconds I had begun to hope. We were clearly having a moment. He reached for me and even though my ass was still sore from the sex we'd had the night before, I decided that the moment was too special for me to ruin with my whining. Maybe if I had whined less and realized what I had, I'd still be with Josh and I wouldn't be a...? 

I actually had no idea what I was. I was somewhere between a groupie and a whore. I didn't really have time to ponder it because voices rang out from outside of the trailer suddenly. We slowed down rapidly and Steve and I were thrown off of our feet. Before we knew what was going on, the door of the trailer was ripped open. It was actually yanked open with so much force that it was damaged. 




Ain't Talkin' Bout Love



Four or five black clothed men rushed into the trailer and separated us. "Apparently they were proud of their limited education because they kept screaming out the alphabet and they were getting it wrong. 

"D - E - A," they yelled. I had no idea what that meant. 

"F - B - I," yelled others. That did seem vaguely familiar, but in my shocked state I thought I was at a debate for illiterate men who were trying really hard to get the alphabet right. 

I was thrown down onto the floor and not to gently. My hands were restrained behind my back with some of those plastic things that we used to tie up the garbage bags. 

The men began ripping the trailer up with a vengeance. "You're going to have to pay for everything you damage," screamed Steve. 

"Hey ... dude, where's your fuckin' hair?" asked one of the agents. Steve glared at him but could do nothing more with his hands restrained. A couple of the agents snapped pictures of Steve without his hair. 

"What are you Nazis looking for?" Steve asked them. Just as he got the question out, another man entered the trailer and he had a dog with him. It was a beautiful German Shepard. As soon as the dog came into the trailer it began sniffing and then it started to bark. 

The man led the dog all over the trailer. It sniffed everything. As the dog got near the rear cabinets it started to bark loudly. 

"Who does this bag belong to?" asked the officer handling the dog. "Steve immediately pointed at me. They began going through my bag and pulled out several plastic bags of a white powdery substance. I had never seen any of that stuff before. 

"I am shocked," said Steve shaking his head. "How dare you bring drugs on my trailer?" 

Before I knew what was going on, I was being led away in handcuffs. 

* * * * * *

Sylina

"So where the hell have you been for the last few weeks?" she asked me. "Wherever it is, you're happier than I've ever seen you." I just smiled at her.

"We all went out to that new Pan Asian grill last night. You should have seen all of the guys checking us out." I yawned. 

"So all of a sudden you're bored with going out?" she asked. 

"I checked out a new restaurant last night too," I laughed. "It's kind of a trendy place where the younger, cooler crowd hangs out. You guys probably haven't been there." 

"Where did you go?" she asked. "Is it expensive? Is it exclusive? What's it called?" 

"It's called Chuck E. Cheese," I said. 

"Is this like those Fondue places that were big in the 90's?" she asked. "I hope that isn't coming back. If you go to those places too often, your clothes start to smell like cheese and ... Are you serious? Isn't that place for kids?" 

"Yep, we took the kids out for a night," I said. "The little darlings were so exhausted that they fell asleep as soon as they got into the car. That reminds me, I have to buy car seats for my BMW." 

"Why?" she asked. 

"Josh has this Mustang that he loves," I told her. "We always have to drive it because it has the car seats in it. It is a really nice car, a Shelby something or other. It has like 600 horsepower or some stupid thing like that. That car is loud as hell. I asked Josh about it and he said that it's supposed to sound like that. I think it's some kind of man call, because every place that we go to, half of the guys come over to talk to him about the car." 

"I guess that would get kind of old, pretty fast," she said. "Doesn't the cheese place close up pretty early?" What did you do with the rest of the night?" 

"We sat on the deck, under the stars and ... we ... uhm ... talked," I said. 

"Ooh this sounds pretty serious," she said. "Last I heard, you hadn't talked with anyone since your accident. You've been a born again virgin for going on six years. And weren't you telling me that you had forgotten how to ... talk?" 

"I guess it just took the right man to make me remember, or just to teach me how again," I smiled. 

"Oh my God, you're blushing," she laughed. "Just the two of us talking about it has you seriously horny doesn't it?" I nodded quickly. 

A chiming sound came from my phone. I silenced it and then threw back the rest of my iced tea. "I have to go, Dana. The kids will be out of school in thirty minutes. I have to pick them up and start dinner," I said. 

"Are you high?" she asked. "That's what you have a maid and a personal assistant for." 

"I enjoy it," I told her. "I love my kids. And I think I'm in love with their daddy too." 

She just sat there shaking her head as I headed for my car. I had been picking the kids up for more than a week now. I loved it. I had met all of their teachers and Robbie had insisted on me picking him up instead of him going to the daycare center. Yvette went along with it too. I pulled out into traffic and thought about how much richer my life had become over the past few weeks. 

Josh was slowly giving ground. I understood what he had gone through or was still going through. I had gone through something similar a few years ago. 

One of the first things to come back to me after I got my memory back was the fact that I was supposed to be getting married. I had a fiancé somewhere. I went through all of my phone books and finally found Ted's phone number. I wondered why he hadn't called me during the whole time I was going through my therapy. 

When I finally got him on the phone, he acted really funny. I chalked it up to him being in shock. He asked me to meet him for lunch. I met him in a restaurant on the first floor of the building he worked in. My memory was still a bit funny, but I recognized him from pictures of us I found in my photo albums and on my Facebook page. 

We had a very sad conversation. Ted wasn't a bad guy. What happened was just life. For me it seemed as if it had only been a few weeks that we'd been apart. For him it had been more than three years. He had visited me faithfully. He had waited for some signs of recovery. Finally he had mourned me. And then life happened. Ted was married and had a child of his own by then. He apologized profusely, but I told him it wasn't necessary. I understood. At the time I really hadn't, but I told him so, just the same. 

As I drove along headed for the freeway, I realized that it had all been for the best. These first few weeks with Josh and the kids had made me feel as if my heart had wings. What I had with Ted had never come close to this. It was my last thought. 

I had stopped at a traffic light and was waiting for the light to turn green when one of the cars crossing the intersection suddenly veered right for me. The impact accordioned the front of my car as if it was made of cardboard. My airbag went off and I felt dizzy. 

The first thing on my mind was the kids. I called Josh at work. I got his secretary. Over the last few weeks we had become at least cordial, if not friendly.

"Mona, I've been in an accident," I said. "Tell Josh he has to get the kids and..." That was it. I passed out after that. I don't remember any pain, I just blacked out. 

The first thing that I remember waking up was that my hand hurt. It felt like it was in a vice. I opened my eyes and looked into my favorite face. 

"Are you trying to break my hand?" I mumbled. My mouth felt like it was full of cotton. 

"Why are you crying?" I asked. "Where are the kids?" 

"Mona came and pulled me out of my meeting," he said. "I called the school and had the kids taken to the daycare center so I could come here. I was really afraid." 

I looked at him again and it was really there. It was that same look that my parents used to give me. I hadn't seen it since they passed. Despite my pain, I smiled. And then I just let go. For nearly a month I had been trying very hard to keep my guard up. I'd been so afraid of having my heart broken again that I had been trying to keep Josh at arm's length. 

Sure we were a couple and we were always together and he lit me up in the bedroom. I also found myself thinking about him all day long. That hadn't happened with Ted. But that little bit of fear and uncertainty had caused me to hold back a bit. 

But the look in his eyes blasted through my reserve. I could no longer hold anything back. This man owned me body and soul. And there was simply nothing I could do about it. 

"Why?" I asked. 

"Why what?" he asked going on the defensive. 

"Why did you drop everything and rush over here?" I asked. The pain meds had me drifting off again. 

"I don't know. I just had to," he said. "I had no control over it." 

"Just go ahead and say it," I said. 

"Say what?" he asked. My eyes closed. I think he thought I was asleep. 

"I love you Sylina," he said. "I know it's only been a month but I..." 

My eyes popped back open. "That wasn't so hard was it?" I asked. "I love you too." 

The next few days were both wonderful and awful. Although I wasn't seriously hurt, they wanted to keep me in the hospital for three days to thoroughly evaluate my condition. That stemmed largely from my history. They were really worried about the possibility of a concussion and with my being struck so hard in the first accident that I went into a coma. Another head trauma might severely damage my already fragile brain. Two out of the three days that I was there, they ordered MRIs of my head. 

Every day after that first day, Josh brought the kids to see me. I felt so good when little Robbie ran into the room, climbed up onto my bed and hugged me like he never wanted to let go. Yvette was very shy, but she walked over and held my hand.  

On the fourth day I was told that I would be going home that afternoon. I could see that the nurses were relieved because I hadn't been a very good patient. I freaked out as they were going over the details of what I could and couldn't do. I was I supposed to stay in bed for at least another three days. I had several prescriptions for my dizziness and headaches, but was assured that I would be fine. My bruises would go away over the next few days. My only injuries were the concussion and a few cracked ribs that made breathing a bit uncomfortable. All in all I had been very lucky. 

My car had been totaled. The guy who hit me hadn't been so lucky. He hadn't been wearing a seatbelt and was catapulted through the windshield of his car. The resulting trauma to his head had rendered him brain dead. As a way of letting some good come of things, his family had donated all of his organs. 

I was a bit upset at the nurses and the doctors for not giving me time to make arrangements for my care when I left the hospital. The nurse who was giving me the rundown on what I could and couldn't do looked at me like I was crazy when I told her that I might need to stay another day or two until I could arrange for someone to take care of me. 

"Your husband is taking care of all of that," she said. "It's already arranged. He's going to take off a few days from work to take care of you. Why would you want a nurse when can have him with you? I would love to have him looking after me for a few days. I would stretch it out for as long as I could. You're a lucky woman." 

Just as she told me that, Josh showed up. He was grinning from ear to ear. He leaned over and gently kissed me. 

"Are you smiling because you pulled one over on those gullible nurses, or because you've imagined keeping me trapped as some kind of live in sex slave?" I asked. 

His smile quickly faded. "Sylina, I'm sorry," he said. "You don't know how hard it's been these past four days. I missed seeing you for more than a few hours at a time. I missed you so much and I never imagined that you wouldn't want to come home with us. I'll..." 

"Josh, shut up," I said. "I was joking. I never imagined that anyone would look at taking care of me was something they would want to do. Most of my friends are more of the "I'll see you when you're better / we'll have lunch type." He looked hurt again. That was when I realized that I wasn't crazy. This thing with Josh was far more serious than my relationship with Ted had been. This man cared about me so much that I seemingly held his heart in the palm of my hand. 

"I thought that we were a lot closer than just friends," he said sadly. 

"And you were right," I said quickly. I had to look away from him. At that moment it wasn't my head that I was worried about. I felt so happy that I thought my heart was going to explode. 

Josh took me home in that awful Mustang of his. The soft leather of his interior cushioned and caressed my sore body. I still wouldn't buy one of those cars. It was like being in a race car. The steering was so jarring that it constantly felt as if we were spinning every time we went around a corner. And you felt every bump and dip in the road. 

But I knew that Josh loved that car, so I got used to it. Maybe I would buy him a better one. Suddenly I realized yet another thing about Josh. He had no idea how much money I had. I knew that he had a great career as an engineer and had done really well for himself, but he didn't know about my money. That made me smile even more. He loved me for me. 

The next few days were truly magical. Josh waited on me hand and foot. Robbie and Yvette drew pictures for me and fake-read stories to me from their books. Neither of them could read yet, but they went through the books and told me most of the story from memory and from looking at the pictures. 

As I began to feel better, I remembered my nurse's words about stretching things out for as long as I could. I shouldn't have worried about it. After the first week of my three days was up, Josh volunteered to drive me back to my condo so I could pick up more clothes. He was letting hiss take the kids out to lunch so we would have time. 

We drove his Jeep to my condo. It would carry more and he was worried about the Mustang's ride quality not being good for my condition. When we got to my condo, I quickly packed a few essentials and noticed him looking at me. 

"That's all you're bringing?" he asked. I didn't really understand his question. 

"I cleared out one wall of the closet for you and all of the drawers on one side of the dresser," he said. The look on his face told me that he wasn't the only one who wanted to stretch my visit out. 

Two weeks and several more trips to the condo had resulted in almost all of my clothes and personal items being firmly ensconced in the house with Josh and the kids. My life was totally different. I used the Jeep while I waited for the delivery of my new car. My insurance company was replacing my car with a newer version. 

My life was so much better. I awoke every morning next to a man that I worshipped. I made breakfast for Josh and the kids before he went off to work and I dropped the kids off at school. We didn't do daycare anymore; I picked them up and brought them home with me. 

I spoke to other mothers while we waited for school to end and the flood of kids came streaming out of the school to tell us about their day. Over the course of a few weeks, I went from sleeping most of the day and shopping the rest of it, to playing the role of a suburban mom. I loved it. None of my friends understood it. They described it as drudgery, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I was even learning to cook. 

On weekends, we packed up and took the kids on little excursions. My days were full and rewarding. Our weekends were fun and we bonded. The best parts though were our nights. Somehow Josh had turned me into a sex fiend. As soon as we put the kids in bed, my body vibrated with anticipation. I had visions streaming through my head as I anticipated what Josh would do to me that night. 

One of the things I didn't expect was that Josh'ss would accept me. I expected some bitterness or mistrust of me. It didn't happen. From the very beginning they were very nice and very loving people. Perhaps it was because they too felt betrayed by the way their daughter simply abandoned Josh and the kids. But then she had abandoned them as well. But it might have been the fact that they saw how much I loved those kids and they loved me right back. 

* * * * * *

Valerie

What can I say about jail? Of all of the places that I never expected to be, it had to be at the top of my list. I was in a holding cell. Luckily for me since it was a local jail and I was a DEA prisoner, I was alone. No one spoke to me. They had taken my purse and all of my things. They had questioned me over and over again about where the drugs had come from. I had no answers because I didn't know. 

One of the agents asking me questions told me that Steve was going to sue me for bringing drugs on his bus. 

As the day progressed there were many changes. They thoroughly examined me and found no traces of drugs in my system or anywhere on my body. From what I was told they found all kinds of drugs in Steve's system and residue all over his body. Now the average person would think that would be enough for them to let me go. 

But Steve was now claiming that I was some sort of drugs dealer and the drugs that they found were mine. He told them that I was carrying the drugs so I could sell them to him. The Agent told me that if things went down that way, Steve would go to rehab and I would go to the federal pen. I've seen enough cop shows to know that he was trying to offer me a deal to roll over on Steve. 

I sat down with the agent and started blubbering. I told him everything and I think he believed me. But before he could give me the papers to sign ... and yes I was going to bitch out and snitch on Steve, the door flew open. 

The man who walked in wore what looked like a million dollar suit. 

"Thank you very much agents," he said. "My client and I will be leaving now." 

He handed them some sort of paper and they passed it around and started packing up their equipment. 

"Ten seconds," said one of the agents. "All I needed was ten more seconds. She was about to sign the paper and then Snortin' Steve would be screaming for a different reason. Those guys in jail would have had him singing all night." 

"That's Screaming Steve," corrected my supposed new lawyer. 

"Yeah whatever," said the DEA agent. 

After they left, the lawyer just looked at me. He shook his head. "They sure don't make them very smart on the farms these days do they?" he said. 

I started to answer him until I realized he wasn't referring to the agents. He was talking about me. "You didn't have a clue did you?" he laughed. 

"What are you talking about?" I asked. 

"Did you really think ... ah forget it," he said. He left the room and on his way out I heard him talking to someone. 

"What was the first thing I told you to do, Valerie?" asked Brianna as she walked into the room. 

"You told me to run," I said. 

"Uh huh," she said. "But you didn't listen and now you have a drug arrest on your record in the state of California. If you decide to go into politics or any type of public service you will never get elected. In some cases you may even go onto the "no fly," list. You're free to go. I got a judge who's a friend of Steve's to give you a suspended sentence. As long as you keep your nose clean for the next couple of years you'll be okay. But that's all I can do for you." 

I nodded. 

"Do you still have the money I gave you?" she asked. I nodded again. 

"Valerie, take the first bus home," she said. "The rock and roll world isn't for everyone. You're too nice, too trusting, and too soft for it. Go home to your family before it's too late." 

"But this has to be some kind of mistake," I said. "Steve would never do anything like this to me."

"What did you expect, Honey?" she asked. "Was it supposed to be love at first sight? Did you think he was going to just throw me away, for you?" 

"It isn't first sight," I said. "We were college sweethearts."