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Aftermath

By: dansemajik



It was just a misunderstanding, words that weren't meant were passed, each of them hurting, and wanting to hurt back, that desire always followed by regret and personal condemnation. The second guessing, maybe I should have...what if I had said... crossing their minds.

They had drifted off to their separate corners, like two boxers after the last round, to wait for the decision from the judges. Each of them was licking their wounds. She was curled up in one corner of the big chair in the bedroom, her diary in her hand, the pen flying across pages at amazing speeds. He is slunk down in his recliner, the television turned up so the sound of her tears can't creep in and break his heart a bit more. It always unnerves him, the near silence of her tears, he can see the tears falling if he shuts his eyes, he can see the pain in the blue of her eyes, as she looks at him as if asking him WHY?

She had smiled at him through the veil of tears, and said, "I am sorry baby. I do love you, you know." then she had quietly gone into the bedroom. He knew to write. She knew that her words, her inconsiderate moment has caused his ire, yet, he felt responsible. His hand was crushing the remote control. He could see her in his mind shaking her head as she walked away. The words were brief, but they were potent. He wondered at the entire scene. No reason for it really, just short tempers, long days at work and it happened. Ah, but the pain lingers.

She writes about her day, the crap at the office, the news that a little boy, a relative of one of her co-workers had died in a fire, and it had rocked her. It had cut her deeply and she was still feeling the loss even though it wasn't hers. She had spent the afternoon gathering up clothing for the mother of the dead child. Her boss had asked her if she had a dress she could donate for the mother to wear to the funeral. So she dug through her things, finding clothes that she didn't, or couldn't wear since she had lost weight, and grieved for a child, a family she didn't even know.

She had been short tempered, when he called saying he was going to be late, could she hold dinner. She hadn't wanted to talk about it yet, so she had mumbled something and hung up. He had come home angry at her rudeness. She was caught unaware; her head was still with dead children. She couldn't even remember what was said.

She took her pain out on him, and he didn't know where it was coming from. She would have told him, she should have told him. It would have explained a lot. She knew he was sitting in there, staring at the television, not really understanding what had happened. She also knew she had to wait before she approached him because she badly needed a hug, and knew she would not be able to stand the rejection right now. He had to cool down and she knew he needed some space for that.

She stared at the bed they had shared, not for a long time, but long enough to know that she never wanted to share a bed with anyone else. She loved this man deeply and abidingly. He was all she ever needed, or wanted.

She went into the small bathroom off the bedroom, washed her face and blew her nose. She hated the way her face got blotchy when she cried. He said it was adorable. She shook her head at her reflection. She went into the living room; he was sitting in his chair, looking miserable. He looked up as she came into the room. He held his arms out to her, and she collapsed against his shoulder, on his lap, and cried into his shirt. He couldn't understand all that was being said, but he got the gist of it. He realized that her pain was so much more than the words that were passed. He whispered, "Baby, I am sorry. God, I am so sorry." She stopped crying after a short time; the tears just seemed to run out. He kissed the tear tracks on her cheeks, and kissed her sweet smelling hair. She turned her face and caught his mouth with hers. 

It had begun as a gentle kiss, but soon deepened. She pressed her body to him, and he put his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. Their tongues danced together, lighting small fires, and creating raging flames of desire. His hands stroked her back, and finally lifted her up. He carried her to the bedroom, their lips still together. He brushed her bangs out of her eyes and kissed her red nose, and began kissing down the side of her neck. He pulled the T-shirt over her head, and cupped her braless breasts in his hands. "You are so beautiful." He leaned down and took one of her nipples in his mouth. He sucked gently, knowing that this was not one of those rough moments she liked so much. He would give her what she needed.

She shivered as his lips covered her nipples, first one then the other. His tongue raking across the sensitive skin making her moan softly, causing a minor flood between her legs. He stepped back, and she helped him get rid of his work clothes. She stepped out of her jeans and he pushed her gently on the bed. His lips crushed hers as he kneeled between her legs. He let his lips follow the line of her throat, to her breasts. His knee brushed her pussy, he could tell how wet she was already. He suppressed the smile that threatened. Her hands were in his hair, on his face, his chest. She rose up to kiss him, and then take his nipples in her mouth, she was kissing and biting his neck, shoulders and chest. 

He pushed her legs apart with his knees, and grabbed her up into his arms. He held her close, made her look into his eyes he said, "This is so you know...No matter what, I love you. I need you, and I want you. Your pain is mine. Your joy is mine too." With that he slid into her, smoothly, reveling at the silky heat of her. She sighed as he entered her, the tendrils in her stomach curled up and unfurled again and again as he showed her that he meant what he had said.

He held her tight and made her see what he felt and with her arms and legs wrapped around him, he could feel that she gave back, all he gave her, again and again. The love they shared made it an even greater moment in time.

They didn't hurry, she let him stroke her slowly, gently, as long as she could, then she asked for more. "Baby, Fuck me please...please fuck me." He laughed quietly in her ear. "Isn't that what I am doing?" He pulled out, and leaned down and said, "Or do you want THIS" He said the last with a powerful thrust into her. She cried out, smiling at him, nodding her head. "Please" she begged. She pulled her hips up higher, and moved her ass just enough to make him want to fuck her the way she wanted to be fucked. 

He laughed, as he slammed into her, she moaned, and without words let him know that he was doing it right. He felt her quicken around him, watched the flush blossom on her cheeks and chest. He knew that soon it would be over for him too. Her eyes lost focus, and he felt her legs and arms tense up around him. He pushed into her hard, twice more, and he felt her explode around him, holding him tight, and pulsing, forcing his orgasm, sucking his balls dry as it pulsed around him.

He stayed in her for a few moments, letting her vaginal muscles relax, so he could withdraw without hurting her. Her tremors were still there, but subsiding. He loved lying beside her, feeling the aftermath of an orgasm. She always came hard, and it had amazed him the first time. He rubbed her stomach, feeling lucky he had her.

She smiled at him, and said, "Thank you. I love you." She knew that he had given her a gift. He had forgiven her, accepted her mistakes, and he loved her. His heart was the most precious thing anyone had ever handed to her. She sometimes forgot to guard it with the care it deserved. She tucked her head onto his chest, right below his shoulder and traced her fingers about his face. "I love your lips," She said. She then went on to name all the parts of him she loved... it just so happened, she loved all of him, so it took a while.

Afterward, they got up and she fixed a quick meal that they ate on the living room floor, in front of a sitcom that was stupid, but they both enjoyed. She kept touching him, for a reminder that he was still there. He knew she loved him, and that's all he needed.

Aftermath



All characters in this story are fictitious and bear no relationship to any person, living or deceased. The setting for the story is based on historical events but no event reported in the story is based on any specific historical occurrence. The activities described in this story are not necessarily either recommended or condoned by the author. With these considerations in mind, enjoy.

**************************

Lieutenant Jeffrey Wilson checked his cockpit one last time before giving the thumbs up, feeling the immediate response as his F2H Banshee was flung off the deck of 'USS Essex', cruising out of missile range off the North Korean coastline. He joined formation with the remainder of his flight and headed inland to the Yalu River. The sortie went normally, with the aircraft encountering a small amount of inaccurate groundfire, which caused little concern.

After fifty minutes the target zone was in sight and each pilot took his turn in dropping his six 500 pound bombs, watching as they hit their targets in support of the South Korean infantry. They then all used their 20mm cannons to strafe enemy positions.

'Poor guys,' thought Jeff as he watched the bombs explode and cannon fire sweep the devastated countryside, 'Pleased I'm up here in the clear air.

He checked behind and did a gentle turn to form up with his flight for the return trip when he felt rather than heard a thump from somewhere below him. Quickly he checked his instruments. Everything seemed normal, engine revs unchanged on his two jet engines. He checked outside, below and behind and noticed a thin trail of white vapor streaming behind him. Fuel, he immediately surmised. He checked his fuel gauges and noticed that the main tank was noticeably lower than a few seconds ago. His wing tanks were empty, not being required for such a short sortie, so he only had the 877 gallons in the main tank. Already he noticed that he was under half full now, although he should have had several hundred in reserve once he returned.

"Damn," he muttered under his breath, before thumbing his mike button to report the situation to his flight leader. 

Once that was done, he had to work out the best strategy in the hope that he could at least reach the coast, ditch in the sea and be collected by a rescue helo. 'Height,' he thought, 'I need to use my fuel to gain height so I can glide further once the engines cut.' He notified his intentions to his flight leader then broke formation and headed skyward. He noted that he had less than a quarter of a tank of gas left; '200 gallons, only just enough to reach the carrier even without a leak,' he thought.

He climbed at an economical rate, ascending at around 45 degrees until he reached 47,000 feet, just above the plane's normal operational ceiling, when he leveled out. There was little to do now except fly towards the coast and hope.

The port engine stopped first, the whine of the turbines deepening as they slowed, followed a few seconds later by the starboard engine. The sudden relative silence with just the deepening turbine whine was oppressive. Jeff pointed the nose of the Banshee down the minimum amount necessary to allow him to still have sufficient speed for the controls to operate. He moved them the bare minimum but they still felt floppy and unresponsive. He jockeyed the plane along, balancing minimum rate of descent against speed. He saw his flight heading home far below and a long way ahead. The safety of the coastline was just visible in the distance.

Gradually Jeff watched as the coastline became closer and clearer, and the ground rose to meet him. '10000 feet, not enough,' he thought as he worked a few figures on his calculator. He tried to ease the nose up a fraction more, but quickly dropped it again as the stall warning horn sounded in his ear. He might just make it, he might, he had to. His very survival might depend upon it.

The coastline was only a few miles ahead, but the ground was very close and a low range of hills might just prevent him from reaching safety. 'So close,' he thought. 'Well, the next few minutes will tell.'

As the ground seemed to rise quickly to meet him he dropped below the crest of the hills and knew he would have to land on the ground. There were no flat, unwooded areas he could see so he chose a copse of low trees, hoping that the branches would soften his landing. He had a few seconds to think of his gorgeous wife, Marlene, waiting for him at home and then he focussed once again on the landing, timing it perfectly so that he touched the trees as he raised the nose, bleeding off as much speed as possible. The last thing he heard before he passed out was a tearing, screaming crash.

He awoke sometime later, suspended in his harness on his side. He could see the ground a few feet below the torn off wing root. He released his harness, braced himself against the edge of the cockpit, thankful that the canopy had been torn away, then climbed into the low tree, down its branches and dropped the few feet to the ground.

He took stock of his situation, checking himself for injuries; nothing except a bump on the head, presumably when the canopy was torn off. He listened for any sounds. "Damn," muttered again, he heard sounds of people moving quickly through the forest and by the volume of the sounds they were approaching quite rapidly.

He headed off towards the coast, away from the sounds, keeping as close to the trees as possible in the hope of reaching the coast before being captured. He hadn't gone far when he heard similar sounds in front of him. He was surrounded, quickly taken prisoner and marched away.

************************

"Nana," began Emily, "I've got a class exercise for my journalism class. We have to interview a member of our family and find out as much detail as possible about our family history and ancestors and then write an article about it. It's worth 30% of the marks for the course so they're expecting something quite detailed. I was wondering if I could interview you please."

Marlene looked at Emily's eager shining, smiling face and her mind drifted back to when she also had been 19 and studying at college. She gazed at her for a long while before replying, the years parading behind her eyes, memories as vivid as when she lived them so long ago.

"Yes, of course, sweetheart," she replied. "You'll have a lot of writing to take it all down though because it's a long and complicated story."

"Nana, I don't need to write it down now, I'll simply record what you say on my smart phone and then I can select and write what I need to later."

"Oh I forget you youngsters have all these gadgets. OK, when would you like to start?"

"Well, if you've got time now, so have I."

"OK, sit yourself down and get your smart phone ready. Make yourself comfortable and could you please bring me a glass of water; my throat gets quite dry and husky when I talk a lot, as I will be today."

Emily brought Marlene a glass of water, set up her phone, ensuring it was plugged in to the mains so the battery wouldn't die part way through, then signaled that she was all set.

Marlene went back through her memories, then remembered the stories of other members of the family. Where to start? The years melted away as she thought back . . . . . 

********************************

Marlene finished her shift at the hairdressing salon where she worked and caught her usual bus home. She entered her empty house, missing the sound, smell and, yes, mess that were there when Jeff was home with her. After only being married for 16 months, they really hadn't had time to settle down as a married couple before he was posted as a Banshee pilot on the 'USS Essex' stationed off the North Korean coast. 'Oh well,' she thought, yet again, 'The war can't last forever.'

She prepared her dinner, placed it on the range to cook, poured herself a glass of the cream sherry she loved, turned on the television and then heard someone knock on the door. She went to answer it and was concerned to see two naval officers standing there.

"Mrs Marlene Wilson?" inquired the more senior officer.

"Yes," she replied nervously. He stomach was churning and she was suddenly very afraid.

"I'm Commodore Fitzgerald and this is Lieutenant Molloy. Is it OK if we come in please?"

Marlene stood aside and let them precede her, closing the door before following them into the lounge. She turned off the television, waited until they were seated and then sat in her chair.

"I have some bad news for you, Mrs Wilson," began Commodore Fitzgerald, "Your husband is missing in action. It appears his plane did not make it back to the ship and crash landed in the trees close to the coast. A rescue helicopter visited the area and found his plane, which had a wing and the canopy missing, but there was no sign of Lieutenant Wilson. I am really sorry to have to break this news to you."

Marlene sat, stunned, without responding for many seconds. She was too shocked to cry.

"W-w-what happens now, then?" she asked.

"To a large extent we just have to wait and see. We don't know where he is, we don't know if he's injured and we don't know if he's been captured. There have been patrols of North Korean soldiers in the area but we don't know whether they came across him or not. I'm sorry, but at this time we know nothing at all really except that he's MIA."

Marlene covered her face with her hands, sobbing gently, then with a supreme effort pulled herself together and looked back at the officers.

"So will you be searching for him? When will you know? Will you keep in touch with me and let me know any progress?"

"The main problem we have is communication with North Korean authorities. They are supposed to notify us of any prisoners captured but usually don't, so it may be a long time before we know for certain if he has been captured or not. There are also reports of unofficial militia type groups patrolling in the area. But we will keep in touch with you and as soon as we hear anything we'll let you know," reassured Commodore Fitzgerald.

"Thank you," said Marlene. They all stood and Marlene escorted the officers outside. She closed the door gently, turned off the range in the kitchen then threw herself on the couch and burst into tears, sobbing her heart out, beating the cushions on the sofa.

"It's so unfair," she screamed, "It's not even an American war. Why did he have to go? Why did he have to join the navy? Why couldn't he just get a nice safe job here in Tacoma instead of flying off around the world? . . . . ."

After several more minutes she calmed down. She had the realization that she was, no, is the wife of a US navy officer and this was no way to conduct herself. But another part of her continued to rage as thoughts flew through her head: "He's not just an officer, he's my husband, my lover, my best friend; we have plans to have children together, raise a family; we have dreams and plans; hopes and most of life to live ahead of us both. I'm only 22, far too young to be a widow."

The thoughts and emotions inundated her, rendering her unable to think clearly. A long few minutes later she pulled herself together and stumbled to the phone, where she dialed the number of her friend Jen.

"Hi Jen," she said when Jen picked up, "I just had a . . . ." 

Marlene burst into tears, sobbing into the phone. She heard the voice from the phone vaguely.

"Marlene, honey, what's wrong? Tell me, what's the matter."

Between sobbing Marlene managed "It's Jeff. He's MIA."

She heard Jen's reply "I'll be round in five." Then the phone went dead.

Four minutes later Jen's car screeched to a halt in front of Marlene's and Jen ran inside to sit on the floor next to Marlene and cuddle her as her shoulders heaved with deep, heartfelt sobs. She just held her, rocking gently, as Marlene wept out her grief. Eventually the tears ceased and she reached a more peaceful place.

"What am I going to do?" she asked when she could speak again.

"I don't know," replied Jen, "But what you're not going to do is to assume that just because he's MIA, he's dead. That's highly unlikely. He's either reached the coast and evaded capture, in which case he'll undoubtedly be rescued, or he's been captured, in which case he'll be returned after the war or as part of a prisoner swap. It's far too early to just give up on him."

"I guess you're right," conceded Marlene. "Like a drink?"

"I think we both need a stiff whiskey," agreed Jen standing up and collecting glasses and a bottle from the cupboard. "Lemonade or water?" she asked.

"More whiskey," replied Marlene with a slight grin, reassuring Jen. "I'm sorry, Jen. It's just the shock and suddenness of the whole thing that really unnerved me. I'll try hard to stay strong."

They drank their whiskey in silence for a while then Marlene said she was tired and was going to bed. "Jen, you go on home; Arnold must be wondering what's happened. Thank you coming so quickly. I'll let you know if I hear anything."

"You sure you'll be OK?"

"Yep, I'll be fine," she replied, forcing a smile.

They hugged goodnight then Jen returned home while Marlene showered before climbing into her large, empty bed. Oh how she wished Jeff could be safely lying beside her right now.

Arnold and Jen collected Marlene from the front door and they headed off to the Independence Day celebratory fireworks near the Naval Base Kitsap at Bremerton. It was nearly two years since that horrible evening when she had heard that Jeff was MIA. Since then there had been no news. North Korean authorities denied any knowledge of him. To all intents and purposes he had simply disappeared off the face of the earth.

Marlene had leant heavily on Jen for support and was extremely grateful for her being there. Jen was also concerned, feeling that Marlene needed to move on. It was obvious to her that Jeff had been killed; nobody could really be missing for nearly two years in this day and age of modern communications and technology, could they? She was continually trying to bring Marlene back into the social scene so that she could at least start to reclaim her life.

The fireworks were, as always, spectacular. Marlene found herself next to a very personable young naval officer who introduced himself as Lieutenant Ted Martin, working at the Naval Base and living fairly close to Marlene in Tacoma. They chatted amiably during the display, Ted expressing sympathy for Marlene in her current situation.

"You know," he said, "I might just be able to help you. How about I make some inquiries from friends who have access to, let's say, less than official channels. Sometimes the official channels don't have all the information we hope they would."

"That would be wonderful if you could please," agreed Marlene hopefully.

They exchanged addresses and phone numbers, as well as Marlene giving Ted Jeff's details. As the show finished Ted told Marlene he'd be in touch regardless of what he found out.

On the way home Marlene told Arnold and Jen all she knew about Ted and what he had offered to do for her.

"He's a really nice guy and we got on so well together," she enthused. "He told me he'll see what he can do to find out if Jeff's still alive and if so where he is. Apparently he has channels he can use that are not the official channels; he wouldn't elaborate on these. We got on well and he's going to call me regardless of what he finds out."

"That's wonderful," replied Jen, sensing more than just a casual friendship was developing here. "It will be terrific if he can bring you a sense of closure. That's really what you need to be able to move on instead of simply marking time with your life."

Two weeks passed before Ted phoned Marlene.

"I'd like to tell you what I've found out in person if you're willing; a bit difficult on the phone. Can I come around and visit you this evening please?" he asked after the usual pleasantries.

"Yes, of course," replied Marlene, "How about 7pm?"

"Great by me. See you then."

When Ted arrived Marlene took him in to the comfortable lounge and poured him a whiskey and herself a cream sherry. Once they were settled Ted broke his news.

"The news is not good," he began. "Nobody I asked has any knowledge of Jeff, at least none that they are prepared to divulge. I'm afraid we really must conclude that he has been killed in action."

Marlene eyes started to tear and she wiped them away angrily.

"I've made some other inquiries about having a memorial service for him," continued Ted. "This is similar to a funeral but without the coffin, obviously. It is more or less a formal and official recognition that Jeff has died and it will allow the legal formalities to proceed that are required before your marriage can be annulled and you can start your new life. You're still young and I really would advise you to take this opportunity, but I do realize it's a huge decision for you to make. What it really means is that you have to face the prospect that you will never see your husband again. I can't make that decision for you; it's something that only you can decide."

Marlene burst into tears, sobbing inconsolably as she confronted what she had been avoiding for nearly two years: that she would never see Jeff again and, worse, would never learn how or where he had died. Ted placed his arm gently around her shoulders as they sat on the sofa. After a few minutes her wave of grief passed and she turned to him and embraced him, burying her face against his chest. She continued sobbing, racking her body as she pressed against his warmth and comfort. Ted sat, continuing to hold her gently.

After about 15 minutes or so she relaxed against him, her sobbing had ceased and he felt the tension leave her body. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Thank you for all you've done," she said quietly. "Sorry I've made such an ass of myself. It's just been so long without knowing, living in forlorn hope; it's both traumatic and a relief to have a little more certainty in my life. Thank you for inquiring about the service. You've been a wonderful helpful friend and I really value that."

Marlene reached up behind his head and drew him down to her, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. Ted blushed noticeably under his tan.

"That's OK, Marlene, I'm sorry the news couldn't have been better."

Marlene disentangled herself from Ted and refreshed their drinks, pouring at least doubles for them both. They sat at the ends of the sofa as they discussed their lives up until now. Ted realized how much Marlene had loved Jeff, how they had plans for children, a better house and for travel later in their lives. He in turn talked of his life as a shore based naval officer in intelligence, hence his ability to access alternative sources of information. Marlene refreshed their drinks several times as they were emptied while he talked a little of his personal life, of the relationship he had with his prior partner, recently ended after three years due to a lot of petty quarrels, and her finding another man, of the loss that he felt now that she was no longer in his life.. 

Time passed quickly and before long it was late.

"I need to work tomorrow," said Ted, "So I'd best be leaving."

"Are you sure you're OK to drive after drinking that much?" asked Marlene, knowing that she was feeling decidedly tipsy and would be very reluctant to drive in that condition.

"Hmmm, probably over the limit, but I do need to go home to sleep."

"Well, you could sleep here if you wish," suggested Marlene tentatively. "There are two spare bedrooms."

"That does make more sense. I could leave early in the morning to go home and change before work."

Marlene showed Ted one of the guest bedrooms, gave him a towel, showed him the bathroom and prepared to leave him. As an afterthought, she turned to him and reached for his hand.




Aftermath



"Thank you for coming to tell me your news in person," she said softly. "It can't have been easy for you but I really appreciate it. Thank you for all your help and support."

"That's OK," he replied, "I'm just sorry it wasn't better news.

Impulsively Marlene placed her other arm around his neck and kissed him on the lips, a little less chastely than before. He wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her to him, feeling her warm body pressing against his as they extended their kiss. They unclasped their hands and wrapped them around each other, lost in the depths of their passion.

After several minutes they broke apart, separating slightly and gazing into each other's eyes.

"That wasn't supposed to happen", said Ted apologetically, "I'm sorry, Marlene." He struggled to pull away further.

"Ted, I'm not sorry. It's so long since I was held and kissed like that; I'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Please don't be sorry; it was wonderful and just what I needed now. Maybe we'll repeat it again sometime when we're both sober, just to see how it feels again." Marlene smiled at Ted, kissed the fingers of her right hand then placed them on Ted's lips. "Goodnight, sweetheart, and thank you again."

She pulled away and went to her bedroom, where she undressed, climbed into bed and within moments was in a deep, alcohol-induced sleep. Ted also used the bathroom, undressed in his bedroom and climbed into bed. He lay there thinking about Marlene, about whether or not he had taken advantage of her when she was in a vulnerable condition, and about possibilities for a future with her.

The following morning they both arose early and Marlene helped organize breakfast for them in the kitchen. Both were quiet after their brief embrace the previous night, wondering if it was best forgotten or best discussed. In the end they both started to talk at the same time.

"You go," said Ted, after they both stopped their initial comments.

"I'm sorry if I took you by surprise or offended you last night," she said quietly.

"No, you didn't and you've nothing to be sorry for," replied Ted, "In fact, I was going to apologize to you for taking advantage of you when you're in a fragile and vulnerable condition."

"No, don't apologize. I enjoyed your support and your embrace. It's so long since I've received the love I felt from you last night." She cast her eyes downward and continued in a very quiet voice. "In fact, I want more of it if you're willing please."

He thought over possible replies without speaking as they ate their granola and drank their coffee.

"Thank you for breakfast," said Ted, rising, "Now it's time I left to prepare for work."

Marlene rose and approached him. "Thank you for all you've done. Now, before you leave, another hug please?"

They smiled at each other and, with nothing further said; they embraced closely, each feeling the warmth of the other as their lips met and tongues entwined. They held this position for a long time, each feeling the love of the other and their love for the other. It was as though this match was made in heaven and creation was smiling upon them. Eventually they broke apart, their fingers trailing in each other's hands and Ted left through the front door. Marlene watched him depart and they waved to each other as he drove away.

Marlene tried to quickly fit the key in the door lock as she heard the phone ringing inside. Why is it always so much slower to do something when you're in a hurry, she wondered. She reached the phone and answered, recognizing Ted's voice on the other end. It was the first time they had talked since he left four days ago, and she was nervous at not having heard from him, wondering if she had offended him or overstepped some mark or something. Now all she felt was joy and relief as he greeted her.

"Hi, Ted," she replied, deciding that she knew him well enough now to be completely open with him, "Yes I'm as well as can be expected I guess. I still sob each night in bed, but that's probably expected when one loses their spouse, lover and best friend. How's things with you?" 

"All's good with me," he replied. "Are you doing anything this Saturday night?"

"Not that I know of," she replied, "What did you have in mind?"

"I wondered if you'd like to come dancing with me. Last Saturday each month there's a dance at the Officer's Club and without a steady relationship at present, I have difficulty finding a partner. So I wondered if you'd like to fill that gap please."

"Jeff and I used to love dancing but I haven't danced for over two years. I'll probably have two left feet I'll be so rusty. However, if you wear steelcaps I probably won't damage your toes too much. Yes please, I'd love to be your dance partner."

Ted chuckled. "I'm sure you'll manage just fine. All the steps will come back once you start. Thank you, Marlene. I'll collect you about 7.30 on Saturday night. Oh, it's not formal or anything like that, just a pretty dress will be fine, no need for any formal dress, and flats will be far better than high heels."

"OK, thank you so much. It's the first time I'll have been out like this for ages. I'm really looking forward to it."

"Great; so am I. See you then."

"'Bye Ted, and thank you," she replied, reluctantly breaking the connection.

She stood by the phone and hugged herself. For the first time forever, it seemed, she had something to look forward to. A date! Could she call it a date? Probably, she told herself. What would Jeff think, she wondered, then she told herself again that Jeff was dead, it was time to move on. Tears came to her eyes and she wiped them away impatiently. Her life with Jeff was over; it was time to move on to the next phase. She walked into her bedroom to select a suitable dress for the dance, something that would allow her to move easily, something not too flirty, well, maybe a bit flirty. Just because she was a widow didn't mean she had to dress like a dowager. She chose what she thought was eminently suitable, black and red, full skirt, low cut top.

"Hello," said Jen as she answered the phone.

"Hi Jen," replied Marlene, "How's things with you?"

"Great thanks. How about you?"

"I don't know. I've got a problem. You're the only person I feel I can discuss it with. Can I come round to see you now, please?"

"Of course," replied Jen. "I don't know if I can help, but often just discussing something makes it seem less formidable. Come on round."

"Thanks, Jen. See you soon."

Marlene hung up the phone, locked the house and drove the short distance to Jen's place. Jen was waiting at the front door and greeted Marlene with a hug.

"Come on in. Like a coffee?"

"Oh yes please, replied Marlene, joining Jen in the kitchen as she prepared it.

"I had a call from Ted today," started Marlene. "He invited me to a dance on Saturday. I accepted."

"Good for you," replied Jen, giving her a big smile. "You've been a recluse for nearly two years; it's about time you got out and had a bit of fun or you'll be an old maid before you know it."

"Yes, I know, you've told me that lots of times. But I feel so bad about it, like I'm cheating on Jeff, although I know he's probably dead now. But I still feel married to him. Ted's tried to find out anything about him without any success and has made some inquiries about a memorial service. Maybe I'll feel better after that."

Jen looked at Marlene closely. "Is there something about your relationship with Ted that you need to tell me?" she asked.

Marlene blushed and looked at the floor. "We've kissed. And the other night he spent the night at home, but we didn't sleep together."

"Oh sweetie," replied Jen, approaching Marlene and hugging her. "Have you fallen for him?"

"I think so," replied Marlene in a small voice. "I don't want to but he's just so, . . . . um, . . . . gorgeous. In a lot of ways he's like Jeff; considerate, respectful and, I suspect, loving. But I feel it's too soon."

"So why did you let him stay at your house?"

"We'd both had quite a bit to drink. I didn't think it was safe for him to drive so he slept in the spare room."

"Oh. I guess that was sensible. So what's brought this on now?"

"Ted's invited me to a dance on Saturday night and I've accepted. I guess this could be classed as a date. It's the first time I've been on a real date since Jeff and I were courting. I'm really nervous, especially so as I'm still legally married. I really want to go and am looking forward to it; you know how much I love dancing. But I still have reservations. What if Jeff's still alive? What if he returns home on Monday? How can I live with the guilt that I gave up on him and went out with Ted?"

Jen took the cups of coffee into the lounge and they sat on the sofa.

"Now listen to me," she began when Marlene was settled. "You cannot live your life based on what ifs, you can only take into account what is. What is right now is that you're lonely, Jeff has been missing for nearly two years, you have a life to live, Ted seems like a great guy and also seems to be treading very lightly. Many guys would have been unhappy sleeping in a separate bedroom after kissing you. So if it was me, I'd go for it. You're only young once. Who knows, from some other plane Jeff might have actually sent Ted to you because he knows how desperately lonely you are."

Marlene sipped her coffee, thinking about Jen's words. They certainly had a ring of truth and common sense about them. But what if Jeff wasn't dead and he did return? Jen had said to deal with what is, not what if. 'I guess I'll just have to face that situation if and when it arises' she thought. Then she gulped.

"Um, thanks for that. It sounds like good common sense, which I don't have that much of at present. What if he wants to go further; to sleep with me?"

"Well, again, that's for you to decide if and when the situation arises. There are no right or wrong answers here. You just have to feel your way and trust your instincts."

They discussed the situation and possible ramifications for another half hour before Marlene was happy with accepting Ted's invitation and letting the evening take its course. She thanked Jen for listening and her good advice and returned home, leaving Jen to prepare dinner for her and Arnold.

Ted arrived at 7.25 on Saturday night and stood back to admire his dance partner. 

"Wow, look at you!" he exclaimed as he took in Marlene's beautiful dress, slim legs beneath and coiffured hair, which she had done especially for the occasion.

Marlene looked at him in his casual trousers, cut slim as the latest fashion dictated, a casual shirt with tie and highly polished shoes.

"You look pretty fantastic yourself," she said.

They embraced, a little shyly at first, then he kissed her chastely on the lips. 'Oh', she thought,' I want more of this, much more.'

The dance was everything she could have hoped for. Ted turned out to be an expert dancer and, as expert dancers do, he made her look wonderful on the floor even though she stumbled a few times when she forgot some intricate move. The dances included old time traditional waltzes and foxtrots, and country dancing, along with some more modern jive dancing, which was very energetic. Marlene was surprised how unfit she was, often panting after a particularly energetic session. She made a mental note to take up running again, something she had dropped during the upset of Jeff's disappearance.

After supper and a few more dances it was time for the last waltz. Although she had danced a few dances with other officers to whom Ted had introduced her, she was determined to have the last waltz with Ted, as he was with her. They moved gracefully around the floor, clinging to each other tightly. Marlene enjoyed feeling his muscular body against her own and her thoughts ran wild as she imagined what could occur later once he took her home, if they were both willing. She felt so sexy; more than she had since she had last been with Jeff. She hoped she would be able to slake those feelings later this evening.

After the last waltz, she and Ted bade other officers and their partners good night then Ted drove her home to her place.

"Will you come inside for a nightcap?" asked Marlene.

"Yes, thank you," replied Ted, and they walked up to the front door with arms around each other. 

Once they were inside Marlene wasted no time at all in embracing Ted and pulling his head down to give him a very intimate and loving kiss. They tongue wrestled for a few moments before Marlene broke away.

"What would you like to drink?" she asked.

"A bourbon if you have it please."

Marlene poured a bourbon for Ted and a cream sherry for herself, then they sat close together on the sofa. They cuddled, sipping their drinks and enjoyed the togetherness without talking for a short time. Marlene realized that she really needed Ted in her bed. He was too much of a gentleman to push the issue, so she decided that she needed to broach the subject.

"Do you need to go home tonight or can you stay over like last Saturday?"

Ted looked at her for a few seconds. "What are you really asking?" he asked softly.

Marlene blushed scarlet, averting her eyes. Quietly she replied "I would really like you to stay if you can please, in my bed."

Ted smiled, pulling her closer to himself. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked.

Marlene felt her stomach turn over at the thought that she would be alone again tonight if he left. She knew she didn't want that. She really didn't know how far she wanted to go though. It was so long since she'd slept with a man, she really wanted to, but there was a part of her that still hoped beyond hope that Jeff was alive and would return, which meant she had to be faithful to him.

"No," Marlene replied, with tears in her eyes, "I don't know what I really want."

Ted kissed the tears away. "I'm very willing to be led by you. Just let me know how far you're prepared to go and whatever happens is fine with me. I certainly don't want to push you into anything you're not ready for or can't handle."

Marlene hugged him and gave him a passionate kiss. "Thank you, darling. What a wonderful man you are."

They talked a little about a variety of things while they finished their drinks, then Marlene stood and led Ted into her bedroom. She stood on tip toes as she reached up to kiss him.

"I want you to sleep in my bed with me tonight, darling. I don't know what else will happen, but I want you there with me, please."

He kissed her sexily, and, reaching behind her, began undoing the buttons down the back of her dress. She kept kissing him, untucking his shirt and running her hands over his back. Once her dress was undone she shrugged it off her shoulders letting it pool around her feet. Ted caressed the skin on her back and sides while she undid his shirt buttons, their lips still locked in a sensuous kiss. 

She pulled his shirt off, then started undoing his belt and trousers, which fell down once the belt and buttons were undone. Meanwhile he had undone her bra, the cups still being held in place by her breasts being pressed against his chest. Once his trousers were around his feet, she felt his erection in his shorts and leaned back to look, causing her bra to fall to the floor.

"Wow, that's a whopper," she said in awe.

"It's all yours tonight if you want it, darling, but if not, he'll be ready if and when you do."

They both stepped out of their outer clothing around their feet, removed their shoes, stockings and socks, he removed her garter belt then they climbed into bed. They cuddled, their bodies in close contact, lips locked in a long erotic kiss. Hesitantly Marlene ran her fingers under the elastic of his shorts, then slowly eased them down over his erection. While she was doing this she felt his hand also easing her panties down. A lump formed in her throat. Part of her was screaming out 'Stop' while another part was ecstatic that after all this time something sexual was happening. Which part to believe? She chose to ignore the objecting part, feeling the delicious feelings as Ted continued to strip her naked as she lay alongside him in her bed.

Ted and Marlene both pushed the other's underclothes as far down their legs as they could reach then kicked them off. They cuddled, kissed and caressed naked, skin on skin. Marlene felt his huge cock against her belly and knew that her pussy was wet and ready for it.

Ted gently rolled Marlene onto her back and spread her legs with his knees. She felt open and exposed to his cock as he positioned himself. 'NOOOO!!' a part of her yelled inside. She closed her legs, curled up tightly and sobbed.

"I'm sorry darling, I'm just not ready for this yet. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Ted immediately lay back down beside her and held her gently, allowing her to sob against his chest. 

"That's OK," he crooned, over and over to her.

Slowly Marlene stopped sobbing and finally she just lay still in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," she whispered. "I guess I just need more time. Will you be OK?"

"Yes, darling, I'll be fine and I'll be here when you're ready. That may be later tonight or in a year's time, I'll be here. I love you, sweetheart, and would never do anything to hurt you or hurt your sensibilities."

"Thank you, sweetheart. You're so understanding."

They spooned together and both soon slept peacefully.

At breakfast the next morning, after cuddling each other all night, they discussed the situation.

"You know, my mates at the base won't believe me if I tell them I slept with a naked woman all night and there was no sex," commented Ted.

"I'm so sorry, darling," apologized Marlene again, blushing, "Somehow it just didn't seem right. You mentioned about a memorial service. Maybe that would bring the closure I need so we really can become lovers."

"I'll make inquiries today. We should be able to sort something out real quick; after all it's two years next week, isn't it?"

Marlene looked down, angrily wiping away the tears that came to her eyes. "Yes, on Wednesday."

"Right, I'll see what I can organize. I really need to head home for a quick change of clothes. If we're going to do this often maybe I should bring some clothes here," he grinned as he made the suggestion. "Anything you'd like to do today?"

"I really don't know. I seem to spend most of my time just moping about without any real interests anymore. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Well, do you like sailing?"

"I've been out a couple of times but not recently. I certainly enjoyed it when I went out, but maybe that was because Jeff was there. I don't know."

"I have a 30 foot yacht moored at Defiance marina, just by the Tacoma Yacht Club. Like to go sailing today?"

Marlene brightened immediately. Anything to get out of the house and away from all the memories. It would really do her good to be out in the fresh air, she thought.

"Yes, that would be wonderful, thanks. I'll organize some food while you get changed at home, then if you collect me, or I could drive to your place."

"I'll collect you. Be back in an hour or so." He gave her a kiss then headed to his car.

Ted arrived back soon, dressed in more casual clothes. He carried the food Marlene had prepared to his car and put it in the cooler in the trunk, arranging it around the drinks he had already loaded. They headed off to the yacht club, chatting amiably about the day with no hard feelings after the previous night together.

Ted quickly had the yacht ready to sail while Marlene familiarized herself with the boat and tried to remember what little she knew about sailing.

"Can you steer the boat so that you keep the green markers on your left, please," he asked, stepping away from the wheel.

Marlene steered under motor competently, remembering times when she had been entrusted with this task before, while Ted uncovered the main and fore sails ready to set those once he was clear of the marina berths. Once clear he set the sails for the westerly sea breeze, stopped the motor and headed north past Vashon Island, allowing Marlene to continue to steer and pointing out places of interest on shore.




Aftermath



It was nearly lunchtime when they arrived off Bainbridge Island and tacked to the northwest to anchor in the lee of the island for a lunch break. The summer sun beat down and without any movement the temperature rose. Ted stripped off his shirt, while Marlene stripped down to her bikini swimsuit which she wore instead of underwear, feeling that it was more appropriate for their nautical adventure. Ted brought up a couple of large covered foam cushions and they lay on the deck, contentedly eating and sunbathing.

"Let me put some cream on your back," offered Ted. "you'll probably burn otherwise."

"Thanks, dear, then I'll do the same for you, although you're a lot more tanned than I am."

Their conversation turned, inevitably, to their future after the memorial service and once more Marlene found herself apologizing for last night.

"I hope you really are OK after last night. I truly did not mean to tease you but I just felt it's too soon and I wasn't ready."

"That's OK, just let me know when you are and I'll be there for you. Until then, I really don't think you've grieved for Jeff, have you?"

"No, I know I haven't. I still subconsciously hold out hope that he'll just roll up here one day, large as life, and we can simply continue where we left off. I know that's not going to happen, but part of me still believes it will."

"It will be easier after the service. That will put those doubts to rest."

They rolled together, kissing sensuously, stroking each other's bare skin. Marlene felt Ted's erection grow inside his shorts and gently squeezed it while he had his hand inside her bikini bottoms gently caressing her well-lubricated pussy.

"Is this OK?" he asked.

"Yes, I think so. Just no further, yet."

After a very enjoyable couple of hours, they set sail for Tacoma once again, gliding effortlessly and almost silently on the gentle breeze until once again Ted started the motor for the final up-wind leg to the marina berth. They tied up, stowed the sails and other gear, took their cooler and personal items ashore and drove back to Marlene's place.

"Will you stay for dinner?" she asked.

"Absolutely. I'd really enjoy that. It's a lot more fun sailing with company rather than on my own. Thank you for a wonderful day."

"No, I should be thanking you. It was great to be doing something that required some concentration but wasn't too arduous. It allowed me to focus on other things besides Jeff. And being in the outdoors on such a beautiful day was an added bonus. Thank you so much, sweetheart."

Marlene made burgers for dinner, then they chatted, sharing aspects of their lives with each other, while having a few drinks of whiskey and sherry.

"Will you be OK driving home?" asked Marlene after a few hours.

"I really think I should stay. The amount I drank probably won't put me over the limit, but you really never can tell," replied Ted with a hopeful grin.

"Well, you'd certainly best not chance it then," she replied, smiling broadly, "I guess you want to sleep in my bed as well then?"

"Only if you're inviting me and you'll be there too," he replied. "By the way, I did put in my clothes for work tomorrow so I don't need to go home early in the morning."

Marlene gave him a dig in the ribs. "That was some assumption you were making. I've a good mind to send you home now."

"Well, I'll go if you want me to," he replied seriously.

"Oh no you don't. You can stay here so I can tease you again. You don't get out of it that easily," she replied with a laugh.

They cuddled on the sofa for a while longer then headed to bed, where they both stripped off and climbed under the sheet. They cuddled, kissed, he massaged her breasts, she rubbed her hands over his back and ass, as he did for her also. She then reached down and took his hard cock in her hand, jacking it a couple of times, while he cupped her pussy, running his fingers through her slippery slit.

"Just wait a few more days, please honey," she murmured as her hips showed him how much she enjoyed his ministrations.

"Yes, sweetness, a few more days will be fine."

They kissed goodnight then once again spooned together and drifted off into contented sleep.

The next morning they kissed each other awake, showered together, dressed, ate breakfast and then Ted kissed her goodbye and drove to work. The suddenness of his departure left Marlene feeling bereft. Oh how she loved that guy. She wandered around the house for a while, straightening a few things, and then phoned Jen. She told her all about the weekend; about the dance, sleeping together both nights without any sex, the yachting and how she felt now.

"You know, you really need to get over Jeff and realize that he has gone for ever. You need to grieve and release him," Jen told her, "Otherwise you'll lose Ted as well. No guy can put up with the amount of teasing he must be feeling for very long. Undoubtedly he'll have blue balls and sometimes they can hurt like hell, or so Arnold tells me when we played at orgasm denial a few years ago."

"You did that!" exclaimed Marlene. "Wow, that'd be hot."

"Yeah, well not too hot when you have a really grumpy husband who is in intense pain from his balls when I didn't allow him to cum after teasing him for a few hours. I certainly paid for that, but that's another story. What's happening about the memorial service?"

"I think Ted's going to see if he can organize it as soon as possible. After all, he's got a real incentive now."

They finished their conversation and hung up their phones. Marlene decided to head into town and shop for some sexy underwear, in the hope it would be put to good use in the near future.

"Good news, darling," Ted's voice said in her ear as she answered the phone, "The memorial service is being held at the Base on Thursday of next week. It's all arranged but you need to sign some papers. I can bring them around for you tonight. The captain in charge of ceremonies agreed that it was now highly unlikely that Jeff would still be alive and that two years was sufficient time before a memorial service was held. So will you be home this evening?"

"Yes, sweetheart, come round for dinner. I'd love to have you call in; I've missed you in the two days since Monday morning. Remember to bring your clothes so you don't need to leave early."

"OK, I'll call in home on the way. See you about 6ish. I love you, darling."

Was that the first time he'd told her that? She tried to remember. She thought it was.

"I love you too, honey," she replied.

They broke the connection and she spent the rest of the day in eager anticipation of the evening.

He arrived at 6.10pm and they spent a quiet, pleasant evening together. She felt very emotional as she signed the forms requesting a memorial service and agreeing to all the conditions. It was very final; an admission that all the hope she had clung to for the past two years was now at an end. That there was now, officially, no hope of her ever seeing her beloved husband again. Accompanying the memorial service forms was another form which she needed to sign to seek an annulment of her marriage to Jeff. That also was an emotional moment; never would she have expected to have had to sign a form seeking the termination of her marriage, a marriage that had been so full of joy and love. 

After she signed these forms she cuddled in to Ted, sobbing for a long time against his chest. He held her patiently as she released Jeff from her soul; the start of the grieving process that would leave her free from doubts and ties to the past. Once that emotional passage was completed, they both went to bed together, spending another night of chaste cuddles. In the morning they again awoke, showered together, breakfasted and Ted left for work.

"Goodbye, sweetheart, I'll let you know how things go. I don't think there'll be any problems. Service is set for 10am next Thursday, but I'll see you before then I hope. Do you feel like an overnight sailing trip over the weekend? The weather looks like it's really settled so it would be calm all the way I would think."

"That sounds wonderful, thank you. It would be lovely to relax before what is quite possibly an emotional storm next week. Why don't you come round for dinner Friday, stay the night, then we could set off early Saturday morning? Remember your work clothes for Monday so you can stay Sunday night too," she grinned.

"Aye aye, captain," he replied with a mock salute. "See you on Friday evening." He climbed the steps to give her another kiss goodbye, then left for work.

Friday night they had another lovely home-cooked meal and a few drinks as they watched a movie on TV, then bed, once again with chaste cuddles. They were, by now, quite comfortable cuddling each other naked, but both were really keen to consummate their love for each other, which was only being prevented by Marlene's guilt at betraying Jeff. Roll on Thursday night, thought Ted as he cuddled Marlene's back, his erect cock resting between her legs; 'so near and yet so far', he thought.

Sailing conditions were wonderful, except for the wind direction. They had to tack into a moderate northerly breeze, which cooled the air down considerably and much reduced their distance made good up Puget Sound. However, they made Useless Bay and anchored for the night in the lee of Whidbey Island. They dived into the chilly waters, naked, for a quick wash before cooking a fairly basic meal, then climbed into bed. They had arranged the mattresses so they could sleep together, instead of in bunks, and once again curled up together, skin against skin, without being able to gain any release from the growing sexual tensions.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," said Marlene, "Next Thursday, I promise."

"That's OK, darling. I do understand, but I'm also looking forward to Thursday evening."

The following morning they ate a quick breakfast then availed themselves of the rising northerly wind to make a fast and exhilarating spinnaker run down Puget Sound to the marina. It took only a third as long for the return voyage as for the trip out. Once the yacht was ship shape and everything had been stowed, they returned to Marlene's for a late lunch, then spent the afternoon lazing on recliners in the sun, planning their life ahead with each other. Both were now utterly besotted with the other and, so long as they were compatible sexually, they were convinced that marriage was the way to go as soon as possible. Another movie followed dinner, and then it was again bedtime.

"This may be the last time we sleep together without sex," said Marlene as they spooned together, this time with Marlene against Ted's back. He could feel her aroused nipples pressing into his shoulder blades as she rested her hand on his erection.

"I certainly hope so," replied Ted, "I really don't know how much more of this I can stand. It's so very frustrating, even though I fully understand your situation and the emotional aspects involved, my physical aspects are most definitely becoming very pressing."

Marlene kissed his neck. "I understand, honey, and I am just so grateful that you are so understanding. I'll make it up to you any way I can, after Thursday."

They talked softly for a short time then both slept. In the morning the routine was normal, then Marlene phoned Jen and told her about the weekend.

"Oh, you're so lucky to go sailing for the weekend," she said, "Pity about no sex, but that'll come. I think you two are doing marvellously well. Next you'll be getting married."

"Yes, actually, we did discuss that possibility. However, we have to get the sex part working first. I've promised Ted Thursday night; I just hope I feel OK after the memorial service so I can keep that promise."

"You'll be fine," reassured Jen. "Just take it a bit at a time."

"Yes, I guess you're right. No good thinking about it till I really do need to face it; otherwise I'll get so worried that I won't be able to do anything anyway. However, I have done one thing. I went to the pharmacy and bought a cap, some spermicidal jelly and a couple of boxes of condoms so at least we'll be ready if we do get that far."

"That was good thinking. Gotta go anyway, things to do. Take some time for you and just relax and grieve in your own way. I'll be there for you on Thursday too. Can I drive you to the service?"

"Thanks, Jen. You're a real friend. Yes please. We probably need to leave about 9 - is that OK for you?"

"That's fine. See you them."

"Bye."

They broke the connection.

Marlene spent a great deal of time during the next two days just resting and thinking of Jeff. She realized that she was saying goodbye to him and asked if it was OK if she went on with her life, receiving an 'OK' from somewhere, which she felt more than heard, in her heart. When Jen arrived on Thursday morning Marlene was dressed in black and waiting for her. They travelled to the naval base almost completely in silence, Marlene deep in her own thoughts and Jen respecting her need for time to be with those. When they arrived they were greeted by Ted in his full dress uniform.

The ceremony was very formal and very moving. It was clear to Marlene that Jeff had been a well-respected naval officer and was sadly missed by his comrades. His commanding officer delivered the obituary and on more than one occasion Marlene found tears welling in her eyes. Once the formalities were completed, they adjourned to the officers' club for a three course luncheon and a few drinks that the navy put on for them. It was at that time that the stories started coming out, some of which Marlene had heard, but most of which were new to her. Marlene soon gathered the very obvious fact that as well as being a well-respected officer, Jeff had had a keen sense of humor and was not averse to playing practical jokes on his brother officers.

It was late in the afternoon when the gathering drew to a close. Ted had been very careful with the amount he drank and was well under the limit when he offered Marlene a ride home. Marlene thanked him, told Jen that he would be taking her home, then left with Ted. They arrived home about 40 minutes later and Ted hurried around to open her car door. They walked up the path and she unlocked the door, at which time Ted picked her up, carried her over the threshold into the bedroom and placed her gently on her feet on the floor. He then embraced her and they kissed deeply.

Within a few moments they were both removing the other's clothing and within two minutes were naked except for panties and shorts. Marlene pushed him away to arm's length and looked at him critically, noting his muscular body and the huge bulge in his shorts. She couldn't help herself; she reached down and carefully eased the waistband over the head of his cock, gasping at his size. She measured it with her hands, noting that if she wrapped her hand around it, her thumb didn't touch her fingers, and estimating that she could easily fit both her hands on the shaft and there would still be some sticking out the end. She wiped the small blob of liquid off the end and sucked her finger.

"Mmmm, nice. But I don't know how your huge cock will fit inside my little pussy," she murmured to him.

"I'm sure it'll be just fine. You'll stretch to fit, I'm sure, but we'll just take it easy to start."

He knelt down in front of her and slowly lowered her panties down her legs. He nuzzled her pussy, inhaling her womanly scent before pushing against the insides of her knees. She spread her legs wider, allowing him to sample her dripping slit with his tongue.

"You smell and taste fantastic," he said smiling.

He stood up again and they pressed their bodies together, his cock nestling between her legs as they kissed deeply.

"You OK with this now?" he asked.

"Yes sweetheart, I'm so looking forward to having you in me. Over two years is a long time without a man, darling. But before we make love I need to prepare myself and you need a condom. We don't want any babies coming along now, at least, not just yet."

She tossed him a wrapped condom from the box in her drawer and went to the bathroom to fit her cap and use the jelly. She was back in a couple of minutes and noted he was wearing his condom.

He picked her up again and laid her gently on her back on the bed, spreading her legs wide and again nuzzling and licking her wet, open pussy. She gripped his cock, jacking it to once again to feel its size.

"You know, you're a remarkably sexy girl," he whispered in her ear.

"That's fine, but please, just stick your cock in me, please darling, don't keep me hanging around like this."

He moved over her, lying between her legs which he bent at the knees and pushed outwards and upwards towards her hips. Her pussy was wide open and gaping, wet with her juices. He carefully and gently placed the head of his cock at her entrance and pushed. It popped in with little resistance. He held it there for a few seconds, kissing her and looking into her eyes.

"Oh, please, push it in, give me more," she whimpered.

Very slowly he pushed inside, feeling the wonderful friction of her silky tunnel against his sensitive cock. He felt the head touch the cap at the end of her love tunnel and relaxed there, allowing the sensations to diminish slightly. Marlene wriggled her hips, pushing his cock head to the side to try to allow it to go in further.

"More," she whispered, "Push more in."

He pushed again and felt his cock move forward until it once again was touching the end.

"Push harder," she whispered again.

He did, feeling the pressure on his cock head as the root of his cock pressed against her clitoris. 

"Oooohhhh, yesssss," she hissed in his ear as she rolled her head from side to side in pleasure, "I feel soooo full."

They lay still for several minutes, then he began moving out, then in, small movements to begin with, rotating his hips to stimulate her clitoris. It took only a very few of these movements before she started panting hard.

"I'm gonna cum, yes, like that, ooohhh yesss, ooohhh fuck me oooohhhh, aaaarrrrhgggghhhh," she cried as she came hard, writhing as much as she could under Ted's weight.

Ted maintained control and relaxed, easing his own urge to cum too soon. Once she was over her crisis, he continued as he had before, easing out and pushing in, gradually making his movements larger, easing more out, pushing more in again, very gradually speeding up and grinding his pubic bone against her clitoris each time she was fully impaled on his massive hard erection.

Neither of them could take this amount of stimulation for very long. After fucking gently, then harder, for five or so minutes he felt his orgasm approaching. He increased the stroke length and rate and soon they were both gasping and panting. 

"Ooohhhh, yesss, fill me with your cum, fuck me hard, harder, fill me, squirt your cum in me, ooohhhh I'm cumming again, ooohhhh, beautiful, oooohhhhhh . . . . " she screamed as she again rolled her head from side to side, eyes closed, her whole body shuddering in ecstasy.

Ted came hard, squirting his pent up juices from weeks of teasing into the end of his condom, holding still as he pumped and pumped, before collapsing, helpless, onto Marlene's still shuddering body. They lay like that for a few minutes before Marlene tried to lift him off.

"I need to breathe, darling," she gasped.

Ted took his weight on his elbows and looked down at her. She looked wonderful, he decided, with that healthy just fucked look all over her face. He bent down and kissed her hard, to which she responded in kind, tongue wrestling for a long time before he broke away, gasping for air.

"That was so beautiful, just like you, sweetheart," he murmured.

"Ooohhh, you say the nicest things. What a wonderful lover you are. Thank you, honey. I've missed sex so much and really needed that."




Aftermath



This story is about a young couple rebuilding their lives after the wife is viciously attacked.

The rape is not described. I will under no circumstances write such a scene. The story begins after the fact.

If rape fantasy is your thing, I suggest you seek help.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Marcus held the car door open for his wife Dawn and she eased herself out. She winced and held a hand to the side of her ribs as she did so.

"Thank you," she said, softly.

Marcus said nothing in reply, merely giving a small smile, unsure in its sincerity. He swallowed sharply. He couldn't look at her like this. He couldn't look at his wife of eight years, with her badly marked face and severe bruising on her neck and shoulders; bruising that mottled her body from where it peeped out over the top of her baggy sweatshirt down to her lower ribs and started again between her thighs. She had a blackened left eye and her lower lip was still swollen and discoloured.

He blinked back a tear and had to look away. He caught a glimpse of curtains twitching in a neighboring window. "Enjoying the show?" he thought bitterly.

Dawn limped slowly from the car to the front door of the terraced house she shared with Marcus. He followed behind, he had wanted to help her, to take some of the weight off her, but could not. Almost imperceptibly she leaned away from him whenever he came too close, not even aware she was doing it. And every time it happened, another dagger entered his heart.

There was a series of snapshots in his mind:

Bidding her goodbye as he went to work.

"I'm going shopping this morning," she had said, "do you want anything?"

A quick think, "No thanks," a peck on the cheek and then, "Bye."

When the police arrived at his place of work and informed him that Dawn had been attacked. Dragged from the supermarket car park, taken to a secluded place in the local woods and attacked. Beaten... and raped... and beaten again.

The journey to the hospital.

The shock when he saw her, what that animal had done to his beautiful Dawn.

Her frenzied screaming and fighting when he had rushed over to take her in his arms, as she lay in the hospital bed. She had fought him like a wild beast, like she didn't even know who he was.

That was four days ago.

In silence, he followed her inside the house.

They sat down in the living room. Dawn automatically went to her high-winged armchair that sat in the corner next to the reading lamp and her small bookshelves. Marcus remained standing. He was at a loss for words, what could he say? He stood and looked through the net curtains that adorned the large plate window. Jumbled suggestions ran though his mind; "I'm sorry," no. "I wish it had never happened," obviously. "I hate to see you like this," Oh please! Helplessly he settled on, "Would... would you like a cuppa?"

Dawn glanced up briefly to look at him. He sensed the movement and turned to face her. Immediately her green eyes became downcast. She watched her hands as they clasped together tightly on her lap and gave an almost imperceptible nod. The movement made her ash-blonde hair shake. Or what was left of it. It was badly cut and very uneven. It had been roughly removed with a tool unsuitable for the job, a hunting knife. The same one that had been held at her throat.

Marcus tried to smile as he replied, "Okay, won't be a minute," and went into the kitchen to prepare. He hadn't asked if she wanted a cup of tea for any other reason that he just couldn't bear to look at her for the moment.

She watched as he quickly left her presence. She knew that he couldn't look at her, not like this and she hated it, but at the same time she couldn't stand the thought that he was looking at her. It felt... dirty. She felt dirty.

Marcus was filling the teapot with hot water when he felt her presence behind him in the kitchen, she had entered silently and skirted the room from the door to the sink. He heard the tap turn on and the sounds of Dawn washing her hands.

Without looking up from what he was doing he asked, "Are you okay?" And cursed himself inside. What a fucking stupid thing to say! Of course she wasn't okay, how could she be after... that.

She replied quietly, "I'm fine, it's just I needed to wash my hands, that's all."

Marcus poured the drinks and handed one to his wife. She took a sip and winced as the cup touched her sore lips. She smiled ruefully and said, "Hot."

He wanted to touch her face, to stroke her lips and her eye as if somehow he could brush away the pain they were causing her, his wife, his lovely wife. His hand came up to gently touch her. As his fingers came onto contact with her cheek, she stiffened and her eyes widened slightly.

Marcus whispered, "I love you, you know."

Dawn grabbed his fingers, pulled it away from her face and held them in a tight grip just in front of herself. Far enough away so that he couldn't reach her but still close enough to show that it wasn't rejection. She looked down at the floor and replied, "I know."

Abruptly, she left his hand go and stepped away. She swallowed, embarrassed, and then said, "Best drink up before it goes cold."

For Marcus, it was like a slap in the face. Never in all their years together had Dawn ever stopped him from touching her. In fact, most of the time they had trouble tearing themselves out of each other's grip. At least, that's how he remembered it.

For want of anything better to say and to fill the now uncomfortable silence, Dawn said, "The doctors have booked me in to see a counsellor."

"I know. They want me to go as well. Why do I have to go? After all it was you who was... was..."

Dawn snapped, "Raped! I was raped! Is it too difficult to for you to say?"

"I'm sorry."

"Well excuse me if I don't fall down with sympathy for you!"

He sat the small kitchen table, rested his elbows on its polished surface and looked down at his hands as his fingers interlocked together, "I'm sorry. I know it must be hard for you, after all it was you that was... raped," he was a picture of misery, "I just... I just want to..."

Marcus almost snarled, "I just don't know what to do! I don't know what to say. I mean, all that happened to you and I can't do anything. I want to make it all better, I want to take the pain away... And I can't do any of that. I feel so useless. It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it happen."

Dawn despaired. She was in such pain both physically and emotionally that she didn't know how she get through it and now she watched as her husband felt sorry for himself. She wanted to rush across and take him in her arms and soothe him. But thoughts came into her mind unbidden.

Nasty thoughts.

Evil thoughts.

Look at him, sitting there wallowing in self pity. What about me? What does he know about misery? Terror? Pain? What does he know about looking into the eyes of someone as they violate you, never knowing if your next breath will be your last? Anyway, it's all a trick! He just wants you to feel sorry for him and come in range. Then you know what'll happen don't you? That's right, he'll do what he did. Men! They're all the same! No! This is Marcus, he's my husband. He loves me, he would never... Would he? Why am I thinking these things? Look at him, he needs me.

Really? Where was he when you needed him?

THAT'S NOT FAIR!

Isn't it?

No! It's not his fault, it's my fault. It must have been, I must have done something, otherwise why would he have picked me?"

Dawn reached out a shaking hand, she wanted to touch his shoulder, not much, but it would have been a gesture, a sign, however small that she didn't hold him in some way responsible for what had happened, or even that she didn't see him the same way as she saw the man who had violated her. But in truth, right now she couldn't. So her hand fell limply back to her side and she could merely watch as Marcus buried his face in his hands.

And then... And then it was like she was someone else. Someone looking down at the two of them in a frozen tableaux in their kitchen. She felt detached and dispassionate.

She looked down at her hands, they were dirty again.

"Odd," she thought distantly, "I thought I just washed my hands."

Dawn once more ran the tap and squeezing some washing liquid on to her hands began to rub them together vigorously.

"What are you doing?"

"My hands are dirty."

"You just washed them a minute ago."

"I know, I didn't get them clean," she stopped washing and examined her hands again, "You know, actually I think I need a bath. I haven't had a proper soak for days. Dawn strode from the kitchen and upstairs to run herself a bath, leaving Marcus sitting at the table. He thought her actions a little odd, she had not even turned the tap off, neither had she rinsed the suds from her hands.

Dawn quickly stripped off her clothes and tested the water with her toe before easing herself into the bathtub. She grimaced slightly as the motion of sitting down made her battered ribcage and thighs grumble with a dull, throbbing ache. She looked up at the mirror as it misted over from the steam that was filling the room and nodded slightly, she had no desire to look at herself, even by accident. She knew she must look a sight and she also wondered how Marcus could look at her either. She wasn't pretty, not any more. And not just because of the marks that covered her normally lily-white skin. No, she felt degraded and used and ugly and pitiful and hateful... and dirty. Incredibly dirty.

She stared at her hands, she could still see the filth that covered them; in fact even as she watched, it grew and spread up her arms, past her elbows, shoulders, everywhere.

She had to get clean. She had to get this grime off the outside of her body and just wished she could do the same to the inside. Grabbing the rough flannel that hung on a little hook by the taps, she rubbed some soap into it and started washing herself. It didn't seem to matter how hard she scrubbed, it wouldn't come off. Harder and harder she worked the flannel back and forth, but still she was just as dirty.

"No good, this isn't working."

Her eye fell on the nailbrush.

Downstairs Marcus sat staring into space. After an indeterminable length of time, he looked up at the clock. His brow furrowed as he realised that he had been sitting there for over an hour. He tilted his head and listened but could hear no sound from upstairs. So he decided to see if Dawn was all right.

Standing outside the bathroom door, he tapped gently and asked, "Are you okay in there, Love?"

No answer.

He put his ear to the door and could just make out the sound of Dawn as she cried to herself. Somewhat disturbed, he rapped on the door again, louder this time.

"Dawn? What's going on? Are you okay?"

Still no answer, so he opened the door and went in. The colour drained from his face at the sight before him.

Dawn was sat in the now cold, water crying and muttering to herself as she roughly worked the nailbrush back and forth across her upper body. Her arms were scratched and raw from where the rough bristles had ruptured her skin from frenzied scrubbing.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Marcus roughly grabbed her wrists to stop her from continuing with her work and pulled the nailbrush from her hands, throwing it to the floor. She reacted immediately and flew at him like a demon trying to scratch his face.

"GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK!"

The sudden attack surprised him and Marcus nearly stumbled, but he managed to keep his balance. Angry and frightened, he pulled her from the bath and tried to ignore her hammering fists and scratching nails. And still she screamed at him, her face a mask of pure fury. It was all he could do to wrap his arms around her to try to stop her from hurting herself even more than she already was.

But that was not what Dawn could see. All she could see was a cruel face and a fat, rancid body of... him. He was back! He wanted more! No! She couldn't let it happen, not again. So she fought, Dawn fought against him with every ounce of strength she possessed. In her madness, she was strong. She tried to scratch those eyes right out of his head, sobbing and screaming as she struggled against his arms, but she could not break free.

Soon she was exhausted. Crying and sobbing, she fell forwards against Marcus. She knew what was coming but she felt powerless to stop it. Despair filled her very soul. She could do nothing to protect herself, except one thing. She switched off. It wasn't her, it was someone else and she was merely an observer.

Still shocked and frightened at what Dawn had been doing to herself and at what she had tried to do to him, Marcus felt her go limp in his arms. Gently he eased her from the bath and half walked, half carried her to the bedroom. He sat her on the bed where she slumped and just stared dully into space.

It was breaking his heart to see his normally happy and vibrant wife like this and he felt all the more inadequate for it. Grabbing a towel, he quickly dried her off and then carefully laid her down before covering her with the duvet. He bent down a placed a kiss on her forehead saying, "You need rest. Try to sleep." 

A fairly useless thing to say, he knew that. But what else could he do?

Dawn said nothing in reply, she was still staring at nothing. He wondered if she even knew he was there. Then he got undressed, climbed into the other side of the bed and watched his wife where she lay, unmoving until eventually, thankfully, her eyes began to droop and then closed.

The next morning Marcus was looking at his face in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were sagging and bloodshot. He had not had much sleep. Dawn had suffered nightmares. Terrible nightmares. Every time she suffered, it woke him up and he did what he could to calm her. He stroked her forehead and made soothing meaningless noises until she settled down only for the same thing to happen a little while later.

He also examined the scratches Dawn had made on his cheeks and around his eyes. He pressed a careful finger against them and winced. Dawn appeared in the mirror, she had her towelling nightgown on and stood behind him in the open bathroom door.

Her face was a picture of concern.

"Marc... I'm sorry."

"What for?"

She pointed to the reflection of his face, "For that. I just couldn't help it."

He could see she was close to tears, "I knew it was you, I knew it," she broke down, "But all I could see was him."

Marcus span round and gathered her in his arms. She buried her face into his shoulder, weeping and continued, "I know you would never hurt me... I just..."

Gently stroking her hair, Marcus made quiet shushing noises and replied, "It's okay. It's okay."

Again he inwardly cursed himself, "Is this the best you can do, you complete twat? It's fucking not okay! It's horrible and I hate it."

[click]

"Maria Brown counselling. Time, 11:40. Date 17 September. Session one. Mrs Dawn MacKenzie. You don't mind me recording this do you? It's just it makes it easier for me to take notes."

"No. Go ahead."

"Okay, thank you... So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Don't know. Nothing."

"I see, well, how about this. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Okay, I suppose."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You've been through a very traumatic experience, Dawn. I may call you Dawn? Thanks. Would you like to talk about it?"

"No."

"I know it must be very painful for you, but it might help if you talk. You don't have to of course if you really don't want to, but if you don't try then you'll never know."

"And just how do you know anything about it? How do you know how painful it is?"

"Because I've been there, Dawn. I've been where you are now. And I know that talking might help. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that these sessions will cure you of all the hurt that you feel right now, but they might help. Believe me."

"... You were..."

"Yes. I was. Some years ago now. But I got through it, I came out of the other side... And so will you, but you have to let me help you, Dawn. I can't do anything if you don't let me help you."

Crying, "It hurts."

"What does?"

"Everything."

"What do you mean?"

[A long pause.]

"I hurt. My body hurts... I can still feel it, everything he did to me and it hurts."

"Is that all? Or is there something else as well?"

"I hate this! I can't talk about it. I want to go home."

"You've got plenty of time left for this appointment and I'm not going anywhere. I know that this is hard, but it is for the best."

[sniffles]

"I think I might be going mad."

"Why?"

"I keep... I keep seeing him."

"The man who raped you?"

"Yes."

"Why do you think you're going mad, Dawn?"

"I attacked my husband you know, the day I got out of hospital."

"Did you?"

"Yes. I was sitting in the bath and he came in and grabbed me... I thought Marcus was 'him'... And all I could do was attack him. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me."

"And why did Marcus grab you, Dawn?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do. Tell me, why did he grab you? Did he want sex?"

"No! I don't know, he just grabbed me."

"That's not true is it? Remember Dawn, I've been where you are now. So tell me the truth, why did he grab you?"

[Pause]

"I was just washing myself, that's all."

"I can see the marks on your arms. I've read the police report and I know they weren't received during the assault. What were you doing in the bath?"

"ALLRIGHT! I was scrubbing myself because I was filthy! Are you happy now? I'm filthy and I'm dirty and I don't think I'll ever be clean again!"

"You might not think so now, but you are clean. The man who attacked you is the dirty one. That's one thing you must remember, Dawn. You were the victim. You aren't filthy, you aren't dirty. And I hope, one day I can convince you of that."

[click]

Marcus was waiting by the car when he saw Dawn come out of the front door of the clinic. He hurried over to her, he could see that she had been crying.

"How did it go?"

She blew her nose and then replied, "Okay. Fine."

"Ah. That's good. When's the next one?"

"Next week for me. Friday for you."

He clicked his tongue irritably, "I don't need counselling. Nothing wrong with me."

Dawn touched his arm and said, "I told her that you didn't think you needed to see her, but she said that she really needed to see you. I don't quite understand but she did seem pretty keen... And... I'd like you to."

Marcus gazed into Dawn's face. She looked so down, so broken. Not the same woman she had been less than a fortnight ago. In fact, this was the first time she had left the house since coming home. She needed him to do this, so how could he refuse, even though he knew it would be a complete waste of time.

He smiled briefly, "Of course I will. Come on, let's get home."

He placed an arm around her shoulder, and led her back to the car. Dawn had to force herself to accept the lazily draped arm, in her head she knew that he was just trying to be his normal self, comforting and secure, but she still had to fight the panic that arose in her breast when she felt him touch her like this. A hand on her arm, a gentle stroke of her chin she could handle, but this... this felt too much like that night. An arm out of nowhere on her shoulders, a blow on the back of her head and then the nightmare.

Dawn hated what she was becoming and she hated thinking these evil things about Marcus - he wouldn't, he couldn't do such things - but she was still scared that he might when she felt his arm across her shoulders.

When they got home, Dawn washed her hands in the sink. Marcus watched her as she pushed the sleeves of her baggy sweatshirt up to her elbows, slathered her hands with liquid soap and scrubbed them together. After that first frightening episode in the bath, he had taken care to remove the nailbrush, the scrubbing brush, every scouring pad, even the small plastic one they used to clean the pans with into the bin. He didn't think he could bear to see something like that again.




Aftermath



"Why do you keep washing your hands all the time? You aren't dirty."

Dawn spun towards him, "What did you say?"

Nonplussed, he replied, "I said, why do you keep washing your hands all the time? You aren't dirty."

Dawn gave him a strange look and said, "Yes, I am," and continued at the sink.

Marcus was angry now, he rushed across and grabbed her wrists and forced Dawn's hands in front of her face.

"Look at them!" he roared, "They are so clean they're fucking shining!"

Dawn was shocked at his sudden temper and all she could do was look at her hands tightly held in place in front of her. Then she slowly looked at Marcus, she could feel tears welling up, she couldn't stop herself, "No. They're dirty. I can see it. How can you look at me like this? After everything."

She pulled free and turned her back on him covering her face with her hands.

Marcus could barely make out her words as she said, "I hate this. I don't think I'll ever be clean again."

Just as suddenly as he was angry, Marcus was ashamed of his outburst, he reached out to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder. As soon as she felt his touch, she jumped and pulled away shouting, "Don't touch me! Leave me alone!"

She ran sobbing from the room, upstairs to the bedroom, slammed the door behind her and threw herself on the bed. 

Marcus could only stand there and listen to Dawn sobbing. His heart was breaking. She was in such pain, he only wanted to help and did nothing except make things worse. He felt so helpless that frustration had made him lash out at her.

He sat down heavily and put his head in his hands, "Christ! What's happening to us?"

[click]

"Maria Brown counselling. Time, 09:30. Date 22 September. Session one. Mr Marcus MacKenzie."

"Why are you recording this?"

"Just makes it easier to make notes. You don't mind I hope?"

"No, go ahead. Probably won't be much to record anyway."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, what do I need counselling for?"

"You tell me."

"Eh? Well nothing, of course. I wasn't attacked."

"I know. But your wife was... How do you feel about that?"

[Short pause]

"What sort of stupid question is that?"

"Is it a stupid question?"

"Of course it is! How do you think I feel about it?"

"I don't know. That's why I asked."

"I'm blazing fucking mad about it that's what!"

"Why?"

"Oh come on!"

"Marcus. Please believe me when I tell you that I'm not trying to wind you up. You're angry and frustrated I can see that. Trust me, I'm a professional, we're trained to spot these things."

[Bark of humourless laughter.]

"Well you're doing a damn good job of winding me up."

"How? I only asked a simple question."

"No. You asked a fucking stupid question."

"Okay then, let's try another tack. When you first saw your wife at the hospital. What went through your mind?"

"Are you real? That's a damn silly question as well... Okay then I'll play your games, but only because Dawn wants me to. This is all a waste of time if you ask me."

[A short pause.]

"Rage! That's what went through my mind. Pure, naked rage."

"And who was it directed towards?"

"Wha...?"

"Your rage. Who were you angry at?"

"Why, the bastard who... did what he did to Dawn. Who the fuck else?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"I am... not following you at all, right now."

"Well, you said you were enraged. Are you sure it was just at the attacker? Or were you angry at yourself as well?"

[A long pause.]

"No... I don't know."

"Or perhaps, Dawn."

"WHAT?"

"It is not unknown for the partner of a rape victim to be angry at her for what happened."

"If you were a man, I'd punch your face in for saying that! How could I be angry at Dawn? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard... When I found out what had happened and when I saw her for the first time, I thought I was going to faint."

[sniff]

"I mean, I saw her in that bed all... I felt like my heart had been ripped out... I should have been there to protect her. It wouldn't have happened if I'd been there."

"So, you were angry at yourself."

"Not 'were', I still am. I hate myself. I had... thoughts."

"Like what?"

"I can't. If I tell you about them, you'll think I'm as bad as that bastard that did this!"

"Okay then. Shall I take a guess? How about this... You wonder if she led him on in some way."

"NO!"

"Okay, what about, did she actually enjoy it?"

"STOP IT! FUCKING STOP IT!"

"Was he better than you?"

"SO HELP ME, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I WILL HIT YOU!"

"Or were you enraged because Dawn is yours? He took something that belonged to you and spoiled it."

[Extended silence.]

Barely audible, "Yes."

"Yes to which one."

"All of them."

"I see. And how do you feel about that now?"

"I hate myself. I despise myself for thinking those things. I didn't want to, you know. I just couldn't help it."

Barely understandable, "Dawn was tortured and raped and beaten and all I can think about is how bad I feel... What I've lost."

"It's a perfectly understandable reaction. And a very normal one."

"Is it?"

"Oh yes. I know that you don't seriously consider those thoughts, even when they are foremost in your mind. I've seen the same reaction many times... Far too many times. But they will pass. You will get over them."

"How can I? You don't know the guilt, the shame, the anger. I just want to go out in my car and find him and kill him. I want him to suffer. I want him to understand the enormity of his crime... and then beat him to death."

"That too is very normal. I don't expect you to believe me at the moment, but these feelings of guilt will pass."

[click]

The couple decided to have a nice meal. Marcus cooked a couple of his special steaks and set up a romantic candlelit table. A nice bottle of wine chilled in the cooler and Marcus was wearing a collar and tie.

There was no particular reason for it. He just felt it was about time they tried to get some normality back in their lives after the trauma of the past couple of months. He was actually quite nervous. He knew that Dawn was upstairs putting on one of her nice evening frocks. It would be the first time in far too long that he would see her in something other than shapeless clothing that hid her figure or at night, her large terry-towelling nightie.

The door opened and Dawn apprehensively entered the room.

"Well?" she asked in a quiet voice, "How do I look?"

Her hair had been tidied up by the local hairdresser as best she could. It was now cropped quite close to her skull. She was wearing a light application of make up. Nothing fancy, just a hint of blusher to highlight her cheekbones and a delicate, almost unnoticeable enhancement to her eyes. But it made a difference. She was wearing a knee-length cocktail dress in midnight blue that was held up with thin straps over her shoulders.

Also, she was barefoot. The only shoes she had that went with the dress pinched her toes, so if she had ever gone out in it, the shoes came off under the table at every opportunity. Seeing as they were eating at home this evening, she decided to leave them off all together.

Marcus stared at her. For the first time in far too long he was seeing the woman he loved as she should be. Pretty and sweet smelling with a hint of Channel No. 18. The bruises on her body had faded, as had her black eye and lip. But there were still scars, he knew that. Deep scars that would not fade so easily.

Finally he said, "I think you look good enough to eat."

Dawn dimpled and made a small curtsey.

Marcus helped her into her chair and then disappeared into the kitchen, returning with one very well done steak and one medium-rare. As her meal was set before her, Dawn took a deep breath, "Mmmm. That smells good."

He opened the wine and poured each of them a generous portion before sitting down to his own meal and said, "Dig in."

Dawn put a forkful of steak in her mouth and chewed slowly with her eyes closed.

"Heaven," she murmured, "Just the way I like it."

Marcus shuddered and said, "I said it before and I'll say it again: Cows should not be cremated. I'm sure there's something about it in the Bible."

She smiled, even though she had heard the remark many times before. Marcus suddenly said, "Oops, forgot something." 

He stood up and crossed the room to the hi-fi. A flick of the switch and the room was filled with the mellow sounds of a tape of romantic instrumental hits from the 50's and 60's. He adjusted the volume so it was just right for nice background music and then sat back down to continue his meal.

They ate in silence for a while and then he spoke again, "I've really missed this."

Dawn smiled around her food. Chewed, swallowed and replied, "Me too. I think we should do it more often. I'll even help with the washing up."

"Actually, you won't. You really do not want to see the kitchen at the moment."

Again, she smiled. Marcus was loving this. She had smiled more in twenty minutes than she had in the past couple of months.

The leisurely meal finished, they were drinking the last of the wine when Dawn said, "Hey, my favourite. Stranger on the shore."

She stood up and held out her hand, "Dance with me."

Marcus took her proffered hand, it felt cool and soft and it was tiny nestled in his palm. He allowed her to draw him to his feet and placed her other hand on his shoulder, shivering only slightly as he placed his fee hand on her waist. He looked into her eyes a she looked into his and they slowly started moving together. Not really a dance, merely rhythmic swaying to the gentle tones of Acker Bilk's clarinet.

Without conscious thought, they drew closer together. Dawn nestled her head on his shoulder - it was easy as he was a good seven or eight inches taller than she was - and closed her eyes. She felt his hands slide around her as they moved and he rested his cheek on the top of her head. Dawn felt a tremor of apprehension in her chest when she was enclosed, but she fought it down. This wasn't like then. This was different, this was the man she loved and she wanted to be here, in his arms. But still, she could feel the bitter taste of fear.

"No!" she thought to herself, "I am not scared. I'm safe here. I want to be here. I want him."

And as she repeated the words inside her head, almost like a mantra, she started to believe them.

As for Marcus, he wasn't thinking much at all except, "I'm holding her. She's letting me hold her."

Another voice whispered to him, "Holding her like you should have been when she needed you?"

"No! That's not fair! It wasn't my fault. It wasn't her fault. It just happened. It happened and we have to deal with it. I don't want to think about that now, I just want to hold her."

Dawn pulled her head from his shoulder and looked into his face, "I love you, Marc," she whispered.

He didn't reply, he lowered his head a placed a light kiss on her soft lips. Dawn gazed into his eyes for a moment and then closed her own, her lips parted slightly as she waited for him to repeat the action.

He did.

And again.

Dawn's cools fingers found their way to the back of his head and pulled him down for another kiss, holding him in place so she could return it with equal loving tenderness. She could feel heat rising inside her. A feeling that she thought she might never feel again.

Marcus was in seventh Heaven. Dawn's sweet perfume was intoxicating, but it was as nothing next to the sweetness of her lips and the feel of her soft warmth in his hands. Slowly he started rubbing up and down her spine as his tenderness increased in fervour. He allowed his fingers to slide around her torso and gently brush the side of her breast.

Dawn felt his hand move onto her breast. And she felt it change, it was no longer a gentle, loving hand, it was a cruel hand, a spiteful hand that was going to grab her flesh and squeeze it until she cried out in pain. Her eyes shot open and she looked into the face of a stranger. The lips against hers no longer tasted sweet. They tasted bitter, like tobacco.

She pushed him away roughly and watched as the stranger's hate filled face swam and changed back into that of her husband. He looked shocked and hurt. And all she could say was, "I'm sorry... I can't."

Dawn wept as Marcus' arms enclosed her once again and he held her.

Thoughts raced through his mind as he held his quietly weeping wife, "God, I want her so much! Why won't she let me? Am I not good enough any more? Was he better? Does she want him instead of me? What am I thinking? What sort of a fucking animal am I? I just want to grab her and take her! No! No I don't, I'm not like that. Yes I am, oh my God, what's happening to me? You bastard! If I ever find you I'll kill you! You've taken something from me and I want it back!"

And Marcus was filled with burning shame as he held Dawn and tried to comfort her even as he couldn't comfort himself.

[click]

"Maria Brown counselling. Time, 13:35. Date 5 January. Session five. Mrs Dawn MacKenzie... Is Marcus here as well?"

"Yes, he's waiting outside."

"Right. So, how are you today?"

"Fine thanks."

"Really?"

"Yes."

[fast forward]

"It is getting better... I think."

"In what way."

"Well, we had a romantic dinner at home, he cooked."

"Sounds good so far, however I sense a 'but' coming up."

"What do you mean?"

"You said 'It's getting better... I think.' Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was a nice dinner at home, just the two of us. I had a nice time."

"Except..."

"Except nothing, I had a lovely time. We ate, we talked and we had a slow dance."

[Extended silence.]

"Oh alright! We tried to... to... be intimate."

"I assume it wasn't a success."

"No it bloody wasn't! I mean, I wanted to, I did, I really did. But when it came down to it, I couldn't."

"Why was that?"

"You know why. The same thing happened as always happens. I know it's not him but I can't do anything about it. I just, I just can't do it."

"I think you're wrong."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh I agree, you feel unable to accept any sort of physical intimacy at the moment, but you will. It just takes time."

"Do you think I don't want to? I do. And I know Marcus does too. He must think I don't love him anymore."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well... I can't, you know."

"Have sex with him?"

"Yes."

"So what does he do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Does he get angry? Irritated?"

"Yes. He tries to hide it, but I know he is. He must be very frustrated, I just... This is killing me! I hate it, I hate it that I can't have sex with him. I feel like I'm driving him away."

"And you think he might stop loving you."

"Yes."

"I am forced to disagree. You know I've had some long talks with him."

"Of course."

"Do you ever speak to each other about these sessions?"

"Well, no actually."

"Why not?"

"I don't know... It just never occurred to us to talk about them."

"So, you tell me, a relative stranger your deepest thoughts. But you don't share them with the man you purport to love."

"That's not fair! I do love him."

"And he loves you."

"I don't know any more."

"Think about this. If he didn't love you would he still be around?"

[fast forward]

[sounds of crying]

"It is getting better you know."

"How can you tell?"

"Well, think about it. What happened when he first tried to touch you?"

"I couldn't stand it. I tried to hurt him."

"Yes... But you told me earlier that you had a dance with him. I assume you were quite close together when you did."

"Of course."

"Touching?"

[A short laugh]

"Stupid question. We were dancing."

"And how did it feel? The dancing I mean, not the..."

"It was good. I liked it... I see what you mean."

"Like I said. It is getting better, it just takes small steps."

[fast forward]

"So Marcus, I understand you had a romantic dinner."

"Did Dawn tell you about that?"

"Yes. How was it for you?"

"What do you think? It was great."

"She also told me that you both got, how shall I put it, a little frisky?"

"Humph. Well. That could have turned out better."

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

"I thought you said Dawn already talked about it."

"She did. But I'd like to hear your thoughts."

"Well, we tried, it didn't work. End of story."

"How did you feel about that?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes."

"I hated it. I mean, I wanted to make love, but when I touched her she pushed me away."

"Where did you touch her?"

[Pause]

"Are you getting some sort of thrill out of this?"

"You know better than that."

"Yes of course, I'm sorry. I touched her breast."

"And..."

"I told you, she pushed me away."

"How did that make you feel? Angry? Hurt?"

"No, not angry, at least not with Dawn. Disappointed more than anything."

"Disappointment, understandable. But you said angry but not at Dawn, so who were you angry at?"

"Erm. Him! And don't ask who him, you know who!"

"Is that all?"

"No. I was angry at myself."

"Why?"

"I... I had those thoughts again. But it was worse this time."

"In what way?"

"I wanted to just do it. Have sex."

"You mean you thought about just ignoring Dawn's needs and having sex with her."

Barely audible, "Yes."

[Extended silence.]

"How could I? How could I think something like that? I'm no better than the man who raped her."

"Yes, you are. You're a much better man."

"How can you say that after what I just told you?"

"It's obvious. You wanted sex. You thought about forcing yourself on her."

"Yes."

"But you didn't, did you? You wanted to, but you didn't. That's the difference between you and him. You automatically put her needs before your own."

"I never thought of that."

"Anyway, it is a normal reaction in a man when excited to think like that, especially since you have not been intimate for so long. You wanted to reclaim her... Men are the way they are, just like women are the way they are... How long has it been since you had sex, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't mind. We last had sex a few days before the attack. I haven't even seen her naked since, except that one time in the bath."

"I see. So, it has been several months since you had sex. You must be quite frustrated."

"You don't know the half of it."

"And yet... You still respect her wish to keep you at a distance. Perhaps you should think about that."

[click]

It was coming up to Marcus' birthday and Dawn still couldn't think of anything to get him. He was so hard to buy for. When asked what he wanted, he always said the same thing, "I already have everything I need, just give me a card and a kiss."

But she knew that was no longer true. He did need something.

Her.

And she wanted him just as much, but it was so hard. Whenever he came too close, stepped inside the boundaries she pushed him away, much as she hated it she couldn't help herself. Dawn felt she was losing him. Their relationship had settled down over the past months to be more like brother and sister, than man and wife. The more she thought about it, the more she felt the need to do something. But what? What could she do?

She had an idea.

It was distasteful to her, no not distasteful, that was the wrong word. Scary perhaps, but distasteful, no. However, it was something that she had to do.

She had to do it, not Marcus. The onus was on her as it had to be. She couldn't rely on him for what she had to do. It was her battle, he could help and support her, but she had to fight the war. After all, hadn't he been supporting her all this time?

But what if she couldn't do it? What if she tried and just couldn't? It could do more harm than good. No! What could be worse than how things were now? Some of her steel returned, some of her former self asserted itself. She would do it! Even though it might be painful for her. Oh yes, it could be painful, but she would do it!




Aftermath



It was Sunday and Marcus' birthday. He woke up and found the bed next to him empty, a quick glance at the clock told him it was just past nine o'clock. Suddenly the door burst open and Dawn walked in, she was wearing her nightie and carrying a tray, she said, "Oops, I didn't think I kicked the door that hard. Happy birthday. Treat number one, breakfast in bed."

He smiled as he sat up and Dawn placed the tray on his lap. He looked at the full English breakfast, two slices of toast cut in half in a rack, a cup of tea and a small envelope propped up against the small glass of orange juice and said, "This looks nice. Thank you."

He accepted a kiss on the cheek and then opened the envelope. Inside was a card, it had a racing car on the front and a badge that said 'I am 4 today'. He raised an eyebrow at Dawn who giggled and said, "Sorry, but it was the only card I could find, the others were too soppy."

Marcus nodded, grinning. He opened the card and read the message inside. It said, 'Happy Birthday Darling. I hope you enjoy your present. All my love, Dawn.'

"What present?"

"It's a surprise. You can have it after your breakfast."

Dawn perched on the side of the bed and watched Marcus as he ate. She reached across and took a slice of toast to nibble. She gazed at him. Inside she was nervous, she hoped her nerve would hold. It had to. A steely resolve filled her. She would make her nerve hold.

Once his meal was finished, Dawn took the tray and placed it on the floor.

Marcus had a boyish grin as he asked, "Right then. Where's my present?"

Dawn took a deep breath and answered, "Here."

With that, she quickly pulled her nightgown off over her head, and stood before her husband, totally naked. Marcus' eyes bulged, he had not been expecting this. Eventually he managed to croak, "Are you sure?"

Dawn was shivering and she couldn't quite keep the quaver from her voice as she replied, "No, so you better do something quick before I chicken out."

Tentatively, he reached out to take her hand, it felt cold and slightly clammy to his touch. He drew her closer so that she had to kneel with one leg on the bed. With his other hand, he pulled her face closer to his and placed a delicate kiss on her lips.

Dawn climbed onto the bed properly without breaking the kiss and lay next to him, her on top of the duvet, him underneath. The kiss increased in fervour and their arms entwined the other. And the kiss deepened. Gently he inserted his tongue into her mouth, her lips twitched as she felt the intrusion, but made no move to stop it happening. In fact, her own tongue reached out to touch his as it invaded her mouth. Like two snakes they wrestled together sensuously.

A firm, masculine hand began a lazy journey from a soft round hip, up a shivering side, over a heaving ribcage and found what it was looking for: a warm, soft mound of breast flesh. Squeezing the flesh firmly yet gently, a finger brushed against an increasingly hard nipple. A moan, a sigh and forgotten feelings and desires began to wake.

But with the welcome desires came something else... Fear. Dawn could feel the fight or flight reflex kicking in. In turmoil she battled, desperate that no hint, no clue would escape to alert Marcus to her difficulty. She concentrated. She directed her will against her own instincts, "This is my husband's hand. I want it there. I want it to touch me. This is Marcus. My husband, my lover. I want him."

She strengthened her resolve. She knew that she must. And she brought her will to bear on the next stage.

Her hand grabbed the top edge of the duvet and she wrestled it down Marcus body, allowing more of his naked flesh to touch hers, until it had been pushed as far down as she could reach with breaking both the kiss and the embrace. She was desperate to keep that contact, desperate to keep their loving lips and questing tongues together. And desperate to keep his hand on her breast. She could feel him lightly pinching her nipple and carefully rolling it between finger and thumb, just the way she liked. With only a slight hesitation, she rested her hand back on his shoulder before letting it slide down his chest, his broad chest, over his stomach and down...

Marcus was in the throes of passion and delight. He had Dawn in his arms and he was loving her like he had been wanting to all these past months. But he was also very careful, he knew that she was frightened and nervous. Even as she tried to hide it, he could feel every hesitation, he felt the slight stiffening of her torso when he first laid hands on her beautiful, soft breast. He fought against the burning need to just throw her down and conquer her. He had to. He had to let her make every move, had to let her battle her demons in her own time. The touch of her delicate fingers wending their slow way down his body towards his manhood was exquisite torture. He couldn't wait for her hand to grasp him there and send lustful messages of desire through his system.

Her hand reached his tight briefs and she touched him intimately. Marcus couldn't help but groan into Dawns mouth. And still they kissed. He took a chance, it was time. She was touching him, he wanted to do the same for her. His hand slipped from Dawns, now flushed breast and started a journey of it's own. Back down over her rib cage, her flat tummy. He felt rapid spasms under her skin so he stopped for a moment, his finger just touching her belly button. Her own hand moved a slid under the waistband of his underpants and with a surprising suddenness took a grip of him. He had to fight for breath momentarily, regain some control. He slowly released her from the increasingly passionate kiss and let his lips plant butterfly kisses along her jaw line to the side of her neck. His tongue traced a line up to her ear lobe and he took it between his teeth and gently nibbled on it.

"Aaah," she whispered, "that feels so good."

She was right. It did feel good. No, it felt better than good. It felt wonderful. This was how it was supposed to be. Gentle, loving, sweet. Not cruel, not brutal, not terrifying. And it was. Her breathing was starting to increase in rapidity and the warmth, the almost forgotten warmth of tender lovemaking was returning to her. Her nipples were achingly hard, and she was excited. Not yet ready to accept Marcus into her, but it was building up. She could feel his hand on her tummy, waiting, biding its time for the right moment to move down toward her sex.

A spasm, she felt his hand was moving again, slowly, slowly down. Her thighs parted slightly as her body readied itself for the gentle intrusion she knew was coming. And once more, her emotions did battle. Conflict swept through her as she forced her thighs to remain apart. She wanted him there, she wanted him to touch and stroke her. But her subconscious was telling her otherwise, and as before she began her steady inward mantra, "This is my husband's hand. I want it there. I want it to touch me. This is Marcus. My husband, my lover. I want him."

His hand reached her centre. In a moment, one fantastic, golden moment, rational thought left her as a dart of electricity shot from her womb, straight into her brain, frying nerve endings and senses as it went.

She stiffened, but no fight or flight response this time. No, this was joy! And there was more to come.

"Oh God... Oh God... Keep doing that... I love it..."

A flash of lightning! And another! And another! Dawn thought she would be overwhelmed by the sensations that were flooding her belly. The heat, the need... The desire.

But this wasn't enough. She sat up and looked into his eyes. She could see concern.

He began to speak, "Are you oka-"

She placed a finger on his lips and said, "Shh."

Dawn reached down, grasped the sides of his pants and slid them down his legs and off. She looked at his nakedness and said, "I want this. I want this inside me."

She threw her leg over him and herself. Dawn felt him twitch. A movement and he was inside her. She held still for a moment, head thrown back and eyes closed.

Marcus was battling his animal instincts, he so wanted to thrust straight into her, but could not, would not. He would do nothing to spoil this moment. This was all about Dawn, not him.

Dawn was fighting another battle in her treacherous mind. She knew it was Marcus beneath her. She knew it was him inside her, but still she had to battle. In her mind she could see it was someone else. Someone hateful and hating. But she couldn't stop now. She was going to banish the demons.

Before any further doubts could overtake her. Dawn sank firmly down on her haunches and they were joined. The sensation sent the air from her lungs in an explosive exhalation. She lost control of some of her other functions. She slumped forward and her head hung down. Her mouth started to water almost convulsively and a small droplet of dribble ran from her lips, down her chin and dripped into Marcus' chest, but he didn't care. He watched as his wife sat astride him, her face twisted as she wrestled with her violent emotions. The spit that fell from her mouth. The reddening of that expanse of skin between her collar bones and her perfect breasts.

She never looked more beautiful than she did right now.

Dawn felt his hands take a grip of her thighs. Another assault on her already overloaded nerves. And she started to move up and down. Her eyes opened and she looked down at Marcus' face as she moved. And saw him!

In her mind she began to scream again, not in lust, not in fear, but in righteous fury!

"No! It's not you! You are not here! You stay away. I'm not frightened of you any more! It is Marc inside me, not you. It's my husband. You are not here, you are not wanted here. FUCK OFF!"

She looked again. It was Marcus. It was her Marcus loving her. And she moved up and down, faster, faster. She wanted him. She needed him to explode inside her.

Marcus wallowed in the silken grip she had on him. He was near to release, he could feel it building... until he exploded. The pure joyous sensation made him dizzy.

Dawn groaned as well as she felt him fill her so deliciously. She stopped moving and fell forward to cover his face with kisses. Until she finally got a grip of her emotions and rested, breathless on top of him, her cheek next to his and him still firmly embedded inside her. She wanted him to stay there for now. Dawn whispered, "I love you so very much."

Marcus couldn't speak, all he could do was let his arms wrap her in a tight embrace and hold her.

Dawn shivered. But not with fear.

[click]

"Maria Brown counsellor. Time, 10:00. Date 2 April. Final session. Mrs Dawn MacKenzie."

[Fast forward]

"You look happy today. Wh-"

[Fast forward]

"Really. How was it?"

[Giggle]

"Bit nosy aren't you?"

"I'm pleased to see you can laugh about it, Dawn."

"I'm sorry. No, it was good."

"Were you scared?"

"Well, a bit at first... Actually I was more angry than anything."

"Why?"

"Well, erm, you see..."

"Take your time."

"I was making love with Marcus, but I kept seeing him. And it was frightening, but... I don't know, it just stopped being scary. And I lost it."

"What do you mean?"

"If I told you, you'd probably have me locked up."

"Will you tell me?"

"We-e-ell..."

"I can see you are a bit embarrassed. Shall I tell what I think?"

"Okay then. If you want."

"I think you saw him while you were with Marcus and at first it scared you-"

"I already told you that!"

"Please, let me finish."

"Sorry, go ahead."

"Anyway, you were with Marcus, and you finally realised that you were the victim."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you realised that what happened wasn't your fault. He tried to take something from you. At first you thought he had, that perhaps you had let him."

[Silence]

"Go on."

"But he didn't, did he? You only thought he had. You found it again. You and Marcus had it all the time. And then you got angry. I bet you told him to piss off or something."

"I told him to fuck off."

"Quite. But the important thing is, you told him. And he did fuck off, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"A major victory Dawn, I think you should be suitably proud of yourself... and of Marcus."

"Oh I am, believe me."

"Anyway. The sex itself. How was it for you? Was it satisfying?"

"Erm... Actually no. It wasn't, not really."

"So... You didn't climax."

"No."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Christ! Is that your favourite question?"

"It's certainly one of my most effective... And you still haven't answered it."

[Laughter]

"You are persistent, I'll give you that... Okay, I don't know how I feel. Truth to tell, I don't know if I wanted one. The sex was... something I needed to do. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I enjoyed it... But not how you might think. It was just... just... I don't know how to put this without sounding foolish."

"Do your best."

"When Marcus... When he was... well, you know... inside me. It was like it wasn't him at first and I don't know how I feel about that, before you ask. All I could see was him even though I knew it really Marcus. And then I got mad, and it was Marcus. I could see Marcus. And at that point I was so happy I didn't care if I climaxed or not. I was with Marcus."

"I see. You know, you have taken a big step here. Like I told you, if you remember a few sessions ago. I said it would be a series of steps, of victories. This was a big one. You will reclaim a satisfying sex life, if you can get this far, you can go the distance."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I can't wait."

[click]

Dawn unpacked the suitcase and placed her knickers and bikini in the top drawer of the small chest of drawers. Marcus pulled back the sliding door that separated the room from the balcony and said, "You should see the view."

She giggled, "I have to unpack first. I always unpack first thing, you know that."

He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled against her neck. He murmured, "Every holiday, the same thing. Well this time, I've got a better idea."

"Hmm. What?"

"Unpack second thing instead."

"So what's first thing then?"

His hand moved up her torso and cupped her breasts.

"This."

"Mmmmmm. Good idea."

They made love.

Eventually, Dawn was able to get her breath and slowly started the downward journey from ecstasy to normality. Once there, she opened her eyes to gaze at Marcus where he still crouched between her spread thighs.

He grinned, "Now you can unpack."

She gave him a filthy smile and replied, "No. I think I'll unpack later. I have a better idea."

She held out her arms and welcomed Marcus into a warm, passionate and above all, loving embrace.



Aftermath



"I'm sorry Don. I know I'm going to miss you but it's for the best."

I was ending my 3 month affair with Don Miles. He was a lovely guy and great in bed. He had brought a new zest for life to the bored, fed up woman that I had been when I met him.

In fact my weekly afternoon trysts with Don had been the best possible therapy I could have had. They had put a sparkle into my life and I was a better woman, wife and mother for it. Because I was a better wife, my husband Josh had picked up on it and was giving me the love and attention that I needed. It made me see how much I loved my boring, predictable, stick in the mud husband and how much I needed him. And of course I loved my two kids and certainly I wanted to keep our family together.

So before anything went horribly wrong I had decided to end it with Don.

"Do we really have to end it Carol? Our Thursday afternoons together have been wonderful."

"And for me too," I told him. "But I don't want to risk my marriage and family."

Don nodded acceptance. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

I felt bad doing this to Don. He had done wonders for me and had even helped to improve my marriage. He was a decent man. I suspected he was on his way to falling in love with me which was another good reason to end the affair. Then Don could find a girl of his own and marry her. I found myself getting a pang of jealousy just from the thought. Don wasn't mine and I had no right to be jealous of him. Perhaps I was becoming too fond of Don.

"You know, Carol, we might not have to end it."

Interesting. What did Don have in mind?

"You know there are quite a lot of husbands who like their wives to go with other men."

I did know that. Some women I knew had husbands with that trait. Most of them had other men 'just to please their husbands'. Until Don I had disapproved of them. I didn't think Josh had that trait. Certainly he had never mentioned it. I said that to Don.

"You could sound him out on it," Don said. "Didn't you say he got turned on when you told him about your old flames?"

I'd forgotten about that. Yes he had. At the time I was embarrassed about my past and the topic had become off-limits between us. Just possibly Josh might have that trait. I knew he wasn't possessive or controlling. He'd even once told me that he liked me being my own person. It made me a better wife for him. But I didn't think he'd include my affair with Don in that. 

I felt sad leaving Don's flat for the last time. I was missing him already, and I feared that my marriage would fall back into that same rut it had been before Don. I promised myself that I wouldn't let that happen. That I would keep it exciting and interesting even without Don in my life.

From Don's place I collected the kids from their play dates, got the older one started with his homework and let the younger one help me with getting the family dinner ready for when Josh came home. This used to be a boring chore before I met Don. Now it was good fun and I loved the mother daughter relationship I had with my younger child. 

When Josh came home from work he gave me a kiss, played with his kids for a while then laid the table. We all sat around it for our dinner and the conversation flowed freely. Josh believed that getting our kids to tell us about their day and us telling about ours developed the kids' language skills. I'd been wrong to think of Josh as boring and predictable, he was absolutely committed to his family and was only predictable in the sense that he could always be relied on to do his best for us. It almost brought tears to my eyes as I thought how beautiful our family life was. Later, after the children were in bed Josh read them their bed time story.

In bed that night Josh was in the mood for some nooky. I'd already had my quota for the day but I knew better than to deny Josh. In fact I confess to getting a kick out of having two men in one day. It brings out the inner slut in me and I thoroughly enjoyed it as my husband slid into me and started pumping. I came quickly and often. It occurred to me that two men a day was an extremely pleasant arrangement.

It was nearly a week later that the topic came up. It was something on the news about a famous sports star who confessed to enjoy cuckolding. I thought I would sound Josh out on whether he would like me to have another man in my life.

"What do men get out of it?" I asked Josh. I was trying to tread lightly here and phase in the topic so that it came up naturally.

"They get turned on by it," Josh told me.

"So why do some men get all angry and jealous and other men get turned on?"

"The men who are ok with it know all about it so there's no cheating or deceit, I suppose. And they enjoy it."

"How would you feel about it?"

"What you having another man?"

"Yes and you knew about it?"

Josh looked puzzled. "I thought you already were. Don't you see your Don Miles chap on Thursday afternoons?"

Oh my God! Josh knew about me and Don. I was taken completely by surprise. I couldn't think what to say. "How did you find out?"

"You told me."

I certainly didn't tell him. That was the last thing I'd have done.

"Don't you remember? You woke me up in the middle of the night and told me you fancied a man called Don Miles. You said it was some sort of need you had. I was too sleepy to argue and just said 'okay' and went back to sleep.

I was still in a state of shock, getting worse if anything.

"I broke up with him today," I told Josh. "I'm not seeing him anymore."

"That's your decision. It seemed to me that what you had going there was good for you. You've been a lot more relaxed and cheerful. The whole family benefitted."

"You aren't cross with me then?"

"How could I be? I'd said it was okay so you weren't actually cheating. I expected you to tell me about it but when you didn't I supposed you were shy or something. Like you never wanted to talk about your old flames."

So I still had a marriage. Josh seemed to have taken it all in his stride and wasn't concerned. But my heart was still pounding and there were butterflies in my stomach.

He didn't seem at all upset so dare I try total honesty? That would be easier. I knew I was confused and my mind in a turmoil. I needed time to think. "Let's have some tea, Josh, and we can talk about it."

"All right. I'll make it." Josh went out to the kitchen. I sat and tried to get my mind working again. Josh knew I'd been seeing Don and he didn't seem to mind. Did he really not mind? If he'd been seeing another woman I'd have killed both of them. But that's me. And he knew about it but he hadn't said anything or even given any hint that he knew. How the heck did he know? I was sure I hadn't told him. I thought I was keeping my guilty secret.

Josh came in with a tray of tea things. "Let it brew for a while," he said putting it down.

"Josh, you seem to have taken my thing with Don very calmly. How is that? Is it that you don't care?"

"I remember thinking before it started that you were looking and acting a bit ragged. Like you were depressed and fed up with it all. I was trying to think of something exciting for you that we could afford and the kids would enjoy too."

He was right. I remembered I had been feeling run down.

"Then you came up with this Don Miles thing and it seemed like an answer. You picked a damned good time to tell me about it though. I don't think I'd have agreed if I'd been fully awake."

"I still don't remember telling you. Was I talking in my sleep?"

"You spoke clearly and articulately, like you normally speak. I assumed you'd been lying awake thinking about it. Sometimes you talk in your sleep and it's meaningless babble."

I poured the tea to gain thinking time. "How did you feel about it?"

"I was concerned that it would be bad for our marriage but I couldn't see you running off and breaking up the family. Also I felt a bit humiliated that I wasn't enough man for you. Against that I thought it might be good for you and restore you to your normal happy, loving self. So on balance I thought to risk it."

I was impressed by Josh's insightfulness. He seemed to understand perfectly. He knew me better than I knew myself. "Josh you don't need to feel humiliated. It was just some excitement and novelty that I needed. That's all. It is no reflection on you as a man."

"Well, it does seem to have done the trick. You are a much better person for it. More loving to me and our children and happier in yourself." Josh paused, then added as an afterthought: "But I am pleased you've stopped seeing him. I wasn't happy about it."

"You didn't get that turn-on effect that some husbands have?"

"No. But sometimes when we're having sex the idea that you'd had some other man's prick inside you will come into my mind and I come there and then. Involuntarily. Otherwise I just feel the humiliation of it"

God! I'd damage Josh's ego. He wasn't an arrogant man to begin with. He had a lovely self- deprecating sense of humour.

"I have a feeling that Don Miles is going to be part of our marriage for some time to come," Josh said, thinking aloud.

I felt an important need to boost Josh somehow. I realised that my affair had undermined him. "Josh, it will fade into the past. I'll never do anything like that again and it will become of no more importance than the guys from before I met you."

"Yeah. You're probably right, Carol."

We let the topic drop and Josh went to do something on his computer. I watched television for a while and went to bed. I was asleep by the time Josh came up.

The next few days we didn't mention my affair. Life seemed to go on as normal. I could tell Josh was making an effort and I did my best as his wife. I wondered why Josh should feel humiliated by my affair. I was worried that in some way I had harmed him.

I noticed that our love making in bed at night hadn't been happening lately. At first I just missed it and wanted Josh to come on to me. Then I got worried that he didn't fancy me anymore. Eventually I asked him about it.

"I can't get it up," he said and walked away from me, presumably because he was embarrassed about it. 

I couldn't let that go. I ran after him. "Josh, can't we talk about this?" I was sure I could help him with it.

"No need. Go back to Don Miles if you want some. Or any other man you fancy who has a prick that works."

It wasn't what Josh said, although that was hurtful enough. It was the coldness in his voice that chilled me to the core. It told me our marriage was over and he no longer cared what I did. I went and had a cry in the bathroom. I knew it was my fault. Don had tried to be forgiving about my affair but in doing so he had made himself impotent. I thought counselling could help, if I could get him to agree to it. But I knew enough to realise this would not be a good time to suggest it. 

That evening we had our usual family supper and I could see how much Josh loved our kids, even if he had gone off me. I thought again what a good man he was and how badly I had let him down. When he came downstairs from reading them their bedtime stories he actually apologised to me for speaking coldly earlier. "I'm sorry Carol. You just caught me at a wrong time there."

My immediate reaction was relief that my marriage could be saved. Then I tried to see it from Josh's point of view. "As wrong times go, that must have been the ultimate."

Josh actually smiled. "Yeah, it was."

"What were you thinking?"

"I was hating not being able to get an erection. I had to let other men fuck my wife for me. I was feeling particularly useless as a husband."

I was trying to think of a reply to that when Josh went on: "I was thinking if you wanted a divorce I'd let you and the kids go and you could find yourself a better man. I was wondering if that wasn't the right thing to do. Wouldn't you be happier with someone like Don Miles?"

"God no!" I cried, shocked to the core that Josh should even mention divorce.

"Well, at least his prick works," Josh said.

I was distraught. "Dammit Josh there's a lot more to a man than his prick. There's love and affection, being a good provider to his family, the love he gives his kids and the example he sets them. There is no man who could replace you Josh."

"Except in bed."

What could I say? I had the sense of being a complete failure as Josh's wife. What the hell had I been thinking when I was having my affair? How utterly stupid I'd been.

Over the next few days I kept out of Josh's way, except for family meals. He was cordial enough. He was going to some pains to keep things warm between us but deep down I suspected he despised me. It was about two weeks later I plucked up the courage to mention counselling to him. "I don't think it will work Carol. I know what's wrong with me and no amount of counselling will fix it."

"What is wrong? Is it because you still can't get an erection?"

"That is a symptom. It's me being your cuckold that is wrong with me."

"What can I do? I can't undo what I did?"

"I want a divorce Carol."

I died a kind of death on hearing those words. 

"It doesn't need to be the end of us though. We can carry on as we have been these last few years. Keep the family together. Just that if I'm no longer your husband then I'm no longer your cuckold. I think then my prick will work again and we can fornicate to our hearts' content. It's the best way forward for us Carol."

"All right, Josh," I whispered. I went to our bedroom and had a good cry. I knew I had brought this upon myself. It was all my fault. Josh was a good man who had tried to do the right thing but at such a heavy cost to himself. His impotence was undermining him and he'd got to the point where he couldn't stand to be my husband. And I couldn't blame him.

Josh had the divorce papers served, a court date was set and at the hearing the judge's main concern was the welfare of our two children. Josh's lawyer explained to the judge that we both still loved each other and would remain together under the same roof and would continue to be a loving family. "Then why do you both want to divorce?" the judge asked.

"My client is suffering from erectile dysfunction consequent upon an affair his wife had with another man. He believes that his impotence is psychological in nature and is caused by his status as her cuckold. When he is no longer her husband he ceases to be her cuckold and his potency will be restored,"

The judge, a woman, gave me a withering look, was sympathetic toward Josh and granted a divorce effective there and then. She ordered that the court receive quarterly reports from a social worker regarding the well-being of our children. 

We went for a coffee and a snack after the hearing. I felt sick and was reassured by Josh's companionship. Josh noticed I still wore my wedding and engagement rings. "Whatever the legal status you are still my man," I told him.

"Up until you fuck some other man. I couldn't stand going through all that again."

"That's not going to happen, Josh."

"That's exactly what you'd have said on our wedding day too."

I damn' near burst into tears all over again. I realised that my sweet, loving and trusting man had become cynical, disillusioned and embittered. I knew it was all my fault. How the hell could I repair him? At least he was still with me. "Josh, I'd like to see if your theory works. You aren't my cuckold any more. Can I get you working down there?" Sometimes my voice speaks even before I'm aware of the thought.

Josh's face changed. He looked enthusiastic and gave me a loving smile that warmed my heart. "Yes. What a good idea."

On the drive home I gave some thought to what I could do to restore Josh to his former self. I knew we'd have the house to ourselves for a few hours. I thought about what he liked, what would be most likely to work. I had some pleasant erotic thoughts on that drive.

When we got in I undressed Josh in our living room. He would be more self-conscious of being nude there than he would in the bedroom. Being nude had given him half an erection. He seemed quite happy so far. I got him on the settee and took his circumcised prick in my hand. I examined it minutely. It was just an average sized prick, ugly as all pricks are, but this one was particularly important to me. A few light teasing strokes with just one finger got him up to a full erection. It occurred to me that if it was that easy had we really needed to get divorced? 

Josh looked pleased. He stood up, got me to my feet and began undressing me. I thought that this was most promising. By the time he had my clothes off I was looking forward happily to the next half hour or so.

In the bedroom Josh kissed me on the lips and on my nipples. His erection was strong . I realised that when everything is going well in a relationship it makes no difference whether or not you are married. I loved this man and he loved me. I was moist and ready for him when he slid into me. It felt so good. Over and above that feeling was an overwhelming sense of relief that Josh loved me in spite of everything and that we were still together. Everything was going to be all right.

"Shit!" Josh said and discharged his semen into me, not 30 seconds after he had first entered. So much for wonderful sex, I thought, trying not to be disappointed.

In fact I wasn't all that disappointed. I knew Josh's prick was working, that he still wanted and loved me. Those were the main things. Josh had never had a problem with premature ejaculations before so this time was probably because he hadn't had any sex in a long while. He'd always been able to delay his ejaculations and come with me on my second or third climax.

It happened again in bed that night. Josh came inside a few seconds and left me wanting more. And it kept on happening for the next two or three weeks. I'd put off speaking to Josh about it because I didn't want to undermine his still fragile self-confidence. I tried hard to not to remember my affair with Don Miles. Back then I had both Josh and Don doing their best to satisfy me and how lovely that had been. Josh himself didn't seem bothered about his premature ejaculation. He was getting his release which, I suppose, was all he wanted. Was it a kind of revenge on me for cheating on him? Then I remembered: back when I'd asked him if he got a turn on effect from me having another man he mentioned an involuntary ejaculation whenever he thought of Don inside me. "I come there and then," he'd said.

So he was still thinking about me having Don. He wasn't yet fully over my affair. He was still damaged by what I'd done to him. All my guilt and anxiety re-surfaced. I did everything I could to show Josh I loved him and needed him.

And I really did love and need him. When he went away on a conference that his firm put on for its managers I missed him so much even though it was only for a long weekend. The kids missed him too. The house was a mausoleum without him. Sleeping alone at night made me realise how lucky I was that I still had him. I didn't mind not being his wife any more. I was content being his woman and having him around.

One of those nights I had a nightmare that he'd left me for ever and I'd never see him again. I woke up in a cold sweat and was too frightened to go back to sleep. Lying there, wide awake feeling both scared and guilt-ridden at the same time I decided that I'd never mention his premature ejaculation to Josh. I just loved him and wanted him for his love and companionship. The loss of the wonderful climaxes he used to give me was the cross I would bear for what I'd done to him.

When Josh came home it was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. The kids rushed out to greet him and he came in carrying both the kids. He put them down, gave me a hug and a kiss. "Bet you didn't miss me a bit," he said. If only he knew. 




Aftermath



He seemed so pleased to be back with us he reminded me of the old Josh, radiating happiness and self-confidence, cheerful and making jokes about things.

After three lonely nights without him I was happy to have him in bed with me again. We had a nice cuddle and it was time for what I had come to call Josh's quickie. He climbed on, I'd moistened up in anticipation, and he went into me. I didn't expect much from it except the satisfaction of pleasing Josh. After a while I found myself warming up, actually enjoying him inside me. From there I found that sweet pressure kind of building up inside me. Oh Josh, don't come just yet, wait for me, I thought.

I came in a glorious orgasm that was so much the better because I hadn't had one lately. Josh kept going and I had another and another until it was one continuous orgasm that I hadn't had since the early days of our marriage. It was so beautiful. Eventually he came too and I felt his semen on my cervix. I had to suppress my screams of delight in case I woke up the kids.

I held on to Josh to keep him inside me for as long as I could. Eventually he dropped out of me and I released him. "Thank you Josh, that was wonderful," I told him.

"Thank you, Carol."

We both fell asleep.

Next morning I was feeling great for the first time in ages as I drove in to my mornings only job. I was so pleased that my man was back to his normal wonderful self and everything felt right with my life. I wondered what had happened to set him right again.

What could have effected such a miracle cure to restore Josh's self-confidence like that?

Suddenly it dawned on me. I suppressed my initial surge of rage and decided if that's what it had taken then so be it. I was the beneficiary of it. I stopped in the company car park and uttered a silent prayer asking the Almighty to bless the unknown woman who had helped Josh to recover his self-confidence. "But just don't let the bitch do it again. Amen"



Aftermath



Aurele woke up in her bed, surrounded by several sleeping bags.  Her parent’s house was startlingly silent, especially after everything that had happened last night.  Aurele’s parents were absent from the scene- on a trip to visit some obscure relatives that they had mercifully spared their daughter.  Aurele was eighteen, had just graduated, and was in the midst of packing up to head for the university, and as soon as the opportunity had presented itself, she had made plans for one last party, at her house.  

She had kept it small, unlike the monstrous happenings that several of her classmates were famous for, inviting about a dozen close friends, and keeping the booze to a minimum.  Dirk had somehow managed to get drunk and puke all over the bathroom, but she was confident that he was responsible enough to clean up after himself.  And for the most part, not much sex had gone on.  One couple had camped out on the couch for the night under a blanket, but most of the rest of the girls had slept in her room, with the guys across the hall.  Aurele had secretly been hoping to get a little action- just to have a little fun and relax.  It had been more than a year since she’d had a meaningful relationship, and she was intimately lonely.  But alas, she was close friends with most of the guys who had showed up, and none of them seemed interested in her.  She had to partly agree with them- it’d be weird hooking up with a friend, and probably ugly afterwards, but she still thought that it’d be kinda fun.  

She sat up in her bed and surveyed the scene.  She was the first one awake, and decided to take a shower before anyone else could lay claim to it.  She slid out of her bed and tiptoed around her girlfriends en route to her closet.  She slipped off her loose nightgown, letting the cool air touch her bare skin.  The nervous prickle of goose bumps dotted her skin, and her nipples hardened a little against the cold.  It was strangely erotic, being naked around so many people.  Even if they were asleep.  Without hesitating too much, however, for fear of a friend waking up, she wrapped a clean white towel around herself, feeling the fluffy cotton around her stomach.  She smiled, feeling happy and protected.  She again stepped over her friends, hoping they wouldn’t wake up to be flashed by her walking over them, and stepped out of her door.  She decided against the weak shower she usually used, partially because of the mess Dirk had left, instead opting for the luxurious double shower in the master bathroom.  Her house was all on one floor, so she only had to walk across the living room where all of the boys were sleeping to get there.  She was a little more cautious here, but she still had to step over several boys to get to her destination.  She did so, nipples hardening again at the thrill of her near nudity amongst her friends.


Steve Thompson was one of Aurele’s closest friends, and had been since middle school.  He lay awake in on her floor, with his eyes closed, remembering fondly the events of the last six years, and especially the last night.  His memories were unwillingly focused on Aurele herself, and the outfit she had worn the night before. He could still see her, low hip hugging jeans, a black tank top that hugged her stomach just so and revealed a little of her midriff.  He hated admitting it to himself, but recently he had become very attracted to his friend, though he couldn’t imagine doing anything about it at this stage in their relationship.  He didn’t think anyone else was awake, and was enjoying the somber silence, in comparison to how loud it had been the night before.  They had all been surprised at how well Aurele had regulated the party, and also surprised at how much fun they had had without drinking, though a large portion of the fun had been messing with the couple of shit faced guys.  He smiled.  It was refreshing to wake up after a party without a hangover.  

He was about to get up when he heard Aurele’s door open, and caught a glimpse of her wearing a towel.  He sighed, and expected her to walk across the hall into her bathroom.  When she turned towards him and the living room, he closed his eyes again, playing dead, not wanting her to be embarrassed.  She was trying to be quiet and not wake anyone up, but Steve could track her footsteps, which were coming straight for him.  He realized that he was blocking the path to the other bathroom, her logical destination.  He felt her foot drop on the side of his sleeping bag, and heard a quiet rustle as she was stepping over him.  An instantaneous debate raged in his mind, and despite the objections of feeling like a pervert, he opened his eyes slightly as she was over him.

Aurele was stepping over his chest, with her head facing the other direction.  Knowing that she would not see him, he opened his eyes a little wider, and traced them up her tanned legs and under the fringe of her towel.  Her thighs were so smooth, her butt extended so beautifully and curvily away from her body that he almost didn’t notice that he had a clean view between her legs.  In the split second view he saw her two pink lips and little patch of short dark brown hair surrounding them.  A little light glistened off of the apex of the lips- he was surprised to realize that she was a little excited.  She was so clean, so pristine; he didn’t feel dirty admiring her body, like he did when he occasionally slipped in a porno movie.  He felt like he was admiring a masterpiece, a painting, a work of art.  It was pure, natural, beauty, and he felt uplifted at having been privy to it.  His penis also felt uplifted, but that was just a side effect; his head wouldn’t be swimming this hard if he was just horny.  She walked away, high stepping over several other boys before stepping through the door.  She turned before she entered and looked back at the room she had just walked through.    Her shiny brown hair twirled onto her shoulders as she turned, revealing her clean face and collarbone.  Steve immediately shut his eyes, but he had the vague fear that he had been spotted.


As Aurele stepped into the master bathroom, she felt a shiver run down her back.  Had Steve been awake when she stepped over him?  She felt her modesty twinge a little bit, but at the same time she felt her excitement grow.  Perhaps her hopes for the night before might still come true….  At any rate she didn’t have the guts to face him again, but she left the door to the bathroom open a little more than a crack, hoping that she would be discovered again.  Amongst all of her male friends, Steve was probably the one she secretly admired the most- he was smart, athletic, and had on several emotionally intimate occasions revealed his inner sensitivity to her.  She loosened her towel and bent down as she dropped it on the floor.  She ran her hands up her legs as she rose, stopping them on her hips and running them in dense little circles, massaging her muscles to life.  She turned to the full-length mirror and practiced making a couple pouty lipped ‘I want you’ faces, secretly wishing that Steve was there instead of the mirror.  The cool morning breeze swifted inside from the high window, and quickly hardened her nipples for the third time that morning.  She closed her eyes and reveled in the excited feeling gripping her breasts, touching her nipples lightly with her fingertips to enhance and prolong it.  She opened her eyes again and became aware of the moisture between her legs, moving one hand away from her soft breast, past her lightly curving stomach and trimmed hair and into the moistness.  She curled a finger into herself, letting her lips part and a small sigh escape.  Remembering reality, she removed her finger and pulled the lever in the shower, releasing a shimmery stream of warm water.  She waited a moment for the water to warm, one hand posed on her hip.  She had always relished her good girl next door image, but was not afraid to let herself feel the intense waves of her desire every once in a while, and she was so turned on now that she couldn’t help herself, even knowing that should she accidentally call out, all of her friends would at once know.  

She stepped into the shower and closed the clear glass door, happy that should Steve come to the door, he would be able to get a clear view of her.  The water tapped against her face and chest, wetting her shoulder length brown hair against her scalp.  It ran in rivulets down the curves of her body, over and around her breasts, down the outside of her stomach, and back into the interior of her body, through her pubic hair and against the top of her lips before it left her body and dripped to the drain.  She was warm all over, secure for a moment, and felt the twinge of joy that accompanied familiar warmth.  More rivulets formed and ran down her back as she leaned forward.  They quickly passed along the small of her back and down between her thighs, lapping against her pussy from behind before traveling down her inner thighs and calves.  Her lips opened again, aghast from the pleasurable feelings that the hot water created against her skin.  Her nipples were very hard now, and she ran her hands through her hair, relishing in the soft, sensual feel of the long strands under her fingers.  She grabbed a doily and poured some of the fancy body wash onto it, squeezing it in her hand to produce a rich lather.  She pressed the soapy puff against her stomach, and slid it up to her breasts, loving the slippery feel that the soap gave her skin.  She worked the soap into her chest, arms, and back, finally bending over to wash her legs.  She started at the bottom, working up to her knees and her thighs with the soapy cloth.  She could feel the bands of muscle in her legs lose their tension to the light pressure.  The steam from the hot water made her body even more slick, and she put the doily down and started to slide her hands over her body, really beginning to get into it.  She pinched her left nipple lightly between her thumb and forefinger.  A soft sound escaped her mouth, and her dark brown eyes closed in delight.


Steve got up a couple minutes after Aurele had disappeared behind the door, after the throbbing in his cock had subsided.  He had meant to go see if he could find any food in the kitchen, but as he stood up he noticed that the bathroom door was open enough for him to see inside.  Another instantaneous debate, and he stole quickly and quietly to the side of the door.  Had she left it open on purpose?  He could hear the shower water running, and he thought that he heard a sigh from inside.  He looked back to make sure that no one else was awake, then slowly peeked around the doorframe and had a clear view of Aurele’s body through the clear glass shower.  Not only was this too good to be true, but she was at the moment lightly rubbing her nipple, and her other hand was creeping towards the dark triangle between her legs.  Holy shit… he thought, getting a prolonged view of her entirety.  He could see the water running down her sexy stomach and athletic legs.  He remembered staring at those legs as Aurele had run down the soccer field, but he didn’t remember them looking this good.  They were evenly tanned, curving from her thighs to her feet.  She had just the right amount of muscle to keep her legs firm, but not hard and too defined.  She turned towards him a little, exposing her breasts more fully.  He had never gotten close to a view of her chest, as she generally didn’t wear skimpy clothes to school, or even to the beach, really.  They were a little on the small side, but with a great shape and tone, with small, dark pink areolas perking slightly upwards.  They looked so supple, and seemed perfectly proportioned to the rest of her, he couldn’t resist imagining taking one into his mouth.  Her chest and shoulders were smooth, not bony, but lean.  Her toned arms moved gracefully around her body, and he couldn’t help but stare at the way her lips parted slightly and her eyes closed.  He had always known that Aurele had a pretty face, but as it was, with her dark hair sleek and wet and her cheeks slightly flushed from her activity, she had never looked prettier.  

By the time he could tear his eyes away from her timeless expression, her fingers had reached their destination below her waist and were slowly moving in circles around her puffy lips.  One finger slipped inside- deep inside, and as she withdrew it he could see a sliver of her pink interior.  She dipped it in again, a little faster and a little deeper, rotating her finger and wrist together.  Steve felt his own erection straining mercilessly at the cotton he was wearing.  He was terrified that someone would wake up and notice him peeking in, but he couldn’t tear himself away, so he took the more daring road and slipped inside of the partially opened door, as quickly and quietly as possible.  Aurele didn’t seem to notice- she was too involved with herself to have any conception of the outside world.  Now that he had a little privacy, Steve couldn’t resist the urge to ease his erection into his fist and release the tension.  This was without a doubt the sexiest thing he had ever seen, and he just couldn’t help himself, despite being worried about her finishing and catching him.  He tried to think up some excuses, but he couldn’t and he didn’t care.  His desire for her screamed from so many different levels that he couldn’t ignore it, and he’d never have this chance again.  Besides, there was still the chance that she wanted him to see this…

Her finger was still searching inside, but with more intensity- she began using two, and her gentle thrusts steadily rose in speed.  Her other hand had been roaming around her chest, but now she touched her neck and thigh with it before sliding it down the top of her slit and then back up, finding her delicate clit as she sighed, almost moaned, a little louder than she had before.  She matched the pace between her hands, circling and massaging her clit in rhythm with her pumping arm.  She seemed to be losing herself in it- she looked a little unsteady on her feet and she braced her head against the tile wall.  Steve was caught up in her- he began stroking himself at the same speed as she was going.  His other hand caught the base of his dick, trying to contain the excitement and not lose it before she did.


Aurele had sensed him enter the room, but she didn’t care.  She hadn’t been this turned on in months, and she was loving every minute that she spent on herself.  Her fingers moved with speed and precision, knowing exactly how gentle her body needed them to be and the right patterns to bring out the sharp waves of pleasure that preceded the flood that she knew was coming.  She leaned forward against the tile, bracing herself for it.  She felt it building deep inside her, from her mind that so badly wanted release, to her thighs that reaped the pleasure.  She built and built and built herself up, slowing down occasionally to heighten the periods of speed, to the point that she could barely contain herself.  The hot water out of the showerhead fell on her open lips, rolling across her collarbone.  She pressed her nipples against the cold tile wall, craving the stimulation and getting it from the amazing temperature difference between the water and the wall.  She was lost in the ladder she was climbing, and swiveled her wrist around to allow a third of her fingers to enter herself, not losing the pace or the intensity.  She felt herself going over the edge, flung from the waves onto a cloud, forgetting everything around her.  She let out a squeal, luckily not loud enough to wake anyone because she wouldn’t have noticed.  She continued directly pressing her clit sideways, and arched her fingers inside her towards the outside, searching for the spot, wiggling, rotating, searching, and finding, and she massaged the sensuous skin inside of herself, feeling the lithe pink walls of her pussy contract around her fingers as she came- stronger and stronger, she arched her head into the air and squealed again as spasms raced through her body, radiating from her dripping pussy and reaching every part of herself.  A small stream of fluids made it’s way down the interior of her leg, lost in the streams of water, as she continued to circle and stroke through her climax.


Steve saw the signs of the building in her, as she let out a small squeal and broke her head from the wall into the air.  He let himself feel it unrestrained, not worried about losing himself anymore.  He found a box of tissues, and readied one hand with one so as to not make a mess.  He dared not close his eyes, but he focused more intently on Aurele in the shower, imagining the way she felt right then.  The female orgasm was a beautiful thing, and most beautiful coming out of this girl that he cared about and was so incredibly attracted to.  She squealed again and he knew she was there, and his fingers moved with incredible speed along his shaft, bringing all of his desire out and converting it into a feeling that had never been this strong.  He wanted to take in all of this, observe, and drink it in and store it as something beautiful that could never be taken away from him.  So he watched her even as he spasmed, leaving himself behind and giving into the feeling that she had created in him.  His climax was deep, and he shivered.  The deep, slow spasms continued much longer than he expected, and as he finished she was moving her hands away from her sensitive areas, cupping her face and bracing her back as she fought the weakness in her legs.  He found the trashcan and disposed of the tissue.  Somehow he still felt fresh, as if his eyes had just taken in a symphony that no one could understand but everyone could feel.  He needed to become a part of it, he needed to tell her how he felt, and not let her slip away to a college away from him.  She was something remarkable, from every point of view, and the way he felt was remarkable, and he didn’t care about the possibilities for rejection anymore.  He approached the glass curtain and started to slide it open.  Aurele’s eyes were still closed; she was still straining to regain stable footing.  As if to help her, Steve put his arm across her back, taking some of her weight, and touched her cheek with the other, turning her face towards his own.

“I knew you were there,” she said, eyes still closed.  “I wanted you to be there.  Secretly, for a long time…”

Her sentence trailed away, and he cut her off.  “You’re so amazing, Aurele, I never really fully realized it.  I just want to be as much of a part of your life as I can be, even if it’s not for very long.”

She opened her eyes, smiling at him because he was exactly what she needed, exactly what she had wanted for so long but could never find.  She had opened herself to him on the last remaining level and he had responded like the men of her dreams always had- with passion, caring, appreciation, and understanding.  They kissed underneath the flowing showerhead, slowly and passionately.



Aftermath



It was raining again. It had rained yesterday and would probably rain tomorrow. It didn't concern him though. He would stay dry in his car, and it would reduce the chances of him being seen. He wasn't sure what to do if he was seen sitting in his car outside her flat so many nights in a row. Part of him wanted to be discovered, part wanted to leave before it happened. He had thought about the consequences. If the Police were called and he was forced to leave he would, but he would keep coming back. If The Husband saw him watching from the confines of his car it might end in violence and he couldn't promise to hold back. If She saw him and tried to get him to leave, he would... He didn't know what he would do. Still, in the last two weeks he hadn't been noticed once. That was why he was here. 

Seven months ago he had begun a sudden passionate relationship with a female friend. It had taken him by surprise, he hadn't even considered it a possibility. Almost without warning they were seeing each other every other night and trying to hide their love from their friends. It had been the most intense time of his life. Finally someone wanted him for the way he was, the man he was. It was like a story come true. She filled his every waking thought, her face was burned into his brain, her voice haunted his ears. He was happier than he had ever been.

Just as suddenly as it had started it was over. No reasons, no excuses just a sudden lack of interest. Every time he tried to see her, She made sure other people were present or claimed a prior engagement. He wrote letters that went unanswered. He made dates She didn't keep. He was devastated. He wanted to die.

Five months down the line he wished he had had the courage to kill himself. It had been difficult to return to his boring life. Nothing interested him any more. None of the things he owned could hold his attention. The biggest problem was he still couldn't tell his friends what had happened. They mustn't ever find out. It would ruin Her life and that would ruin his. No one to talk to, nothing to do, nowhere to hide from the misery.

Time was his best friend now. Gradually he came to except his position. He started looking forward to the night in stead of dreading the sleepless hours. He began to concentrate on his work again. He was occasionally able to forget the pain She had inflicted. Still there were days when he would sob himself through the night thinking of her sweet kisses, her soft skin. Although he could still see her face in his mind and hear her voice on the wind, it seemed easier to forgive her.

It was a little thing that restarted the agony. Just something said in passing. Most of the time he would have ignored it, but this time it felt personal. She wanted to talk to two of his friends. Nothing odd in that? Why did She not want to talk to him? Granted they hadn't really spoken since it had stopped, but why did she name the others? It was as if a floodgate had opened. All the emotion he had been forced to bottle up for so long was released. Tears ran down his cheeks, his legs turned to jelly. It felt like his innards had been ripped out. 

Luckily it was a weekend. By Monday morning he had cried himself out. Work went by in a haze. Nothing could penetrate the cloud of despair he was trapped in. As he sat looking at a plate of food that night he had an idea. It wasn't the best idea he ever had, but in his current state it was excusable. He would ask her to her face what he had done wrong. At least he would know. That was two weeks ago. Until last night he hadn't worked up enough courage to get out of his car. He still hadn't rung the bell.

There was a knock on his window. It startled him, he must have drifted off to sleep. When he turned his head he nearly screamed. She was standing in the rain outside his car. For a moment he fumbled with the window switch before he realised the electric windows didn't work with the ignition off. He waved her round to the passenger door. He could hear his heart beating, feel his blood pounding through his veins. He could hardly breathe. Somehow his hands were on the steering wheel, gripping tight, and his eyes were fixed straight ahead. He couldn't turn his head. He could tell she was saying something but he couldn't focus on the words.

It was raining. He was getting soaked. He didn't care. Nothing mattered any more. Since She had left the car, he had lost all his feelings. She had told him to leave. Not to come back again. She didn't want to see him anymore. His heart had died right there in the street. He had looked at the clock as she left. 12.15 in the morning. He had ceased to exist precisely then. He didn't recall choosing a direction, or making the journey, but he was here. He was standing on the edge of a cliff facing the sunrise. It surprised him how beautiful it looked. It reminded him of Her. Fitting he should think of her as he fell.



Aftermath



This is what happened in the days following my story "A Special Hair Styling."

I was totally unprepared for the aftermath of my first adventure in sex with a man other than my husband.

We'd talked about all kinds of kinky things during sex. I am much more careful than Gene, and try to only say what I mean. We even discuss what we said in the heat of passion when we're not having sex. 

Gene told me he really wanted me to do some naughty things. I tried to find out if it was just fantasy or if he was being serious. I said he'd better not do anything without me, as I'm very jealous and possessive. 

After my adventure with Joseph, I got all over Gene in his office. He licked and sucked my tits and finger-fucked my pussy, making me cum and cum. I was dying to tell him, but I'd promised Joseph I'd wait until he cut Gene's hair the next day. 

In bed that night, I had Gene lick my breasts where Joseph had cum. I knew he wouldn't be happy I hadn't told him right away. But he would have wanted to lick my breasts if he'd known, so at least I wasn't cheating him out of that.

After Joseph cancelled Gene's appointment, I dragged Gene into the bedroom and told him. We fucked each other silly. Afterwards, I started writing "A Special Hair Styling" while it was fresh in my mind. I found putting it into words was intoxicating and a tremendous turn on.

Gene and I email each other a lot. I sent him the first draft, eagerly awaiting his opinion. Maybe we'd go play some more. I wouldn't have any trouble cumming a couple dozen more times.

"What'd you think?" I was so wet and aroused.

"So what else did you do that you didn't tell me?" There was a tone in his voice I rarely hear.

I was totally confused and my head was spinning. Shit, I knew he didn't mean it, telling me it was okay to do things. "What are you talking about?"

"You didn't tell me he sucked your tits or had his hands in your cunt. Did you suck his cock and fuck him too?"

"I didn't tell you? I thought I did. I was so nervous telling you, honey. You said you wanted me to do something. It all just happened. I was just teasing. The further the game went, the more I got into it. I really didn't think it would happen. The salon was so crowded, I didn't know there was a place outside. No, I didn't do anything else."

"First you don't tell me until this morning, then you leave out the details. So I can only assume what else you left out."

"Gene, I was aching to tell you. The moment he cancelled your appointment, I told him I was telling you. I dragged you to the bedroom, pushed you onto the bed, got on top of you and told you. I was timid and anxious about your reaction. You said it was okay, but I wasn't sure you really meant it. All the time I was telling you, you never said a word. Your expression never changed. I was terrified I'd done something I shouldn't."

"I didn't say anything so as to not interrupt you. I didn't want you to lose your place."

"How the fuck would I lose my place telling a story like that? I needed some feedback from you. How do I know what you really think? I know now, I fucked up everything. It was only fantasy and you said it wasn't."

"No, I'm just wondering what else happened, what you haven't told me."

"Nothing. I told everything in the story. I wouldn't have sent it to you to read if I had any secrets. I didn't realize I left anything out in the bedroom. I was scared."

So there we were with tons of tension filling the air. I was getting more stressed out by the minute. "I totally fucked up," I thought. "How do I undo this mess?" Why didn't I listen when I told myself Gene was just fantasizing? Talking about it and doing it weren't the same. Gene is very different from me, I can't always read him.

The next days were total agony. Gene was telling me everything was fine. I was so confused. Was it okay? What would happen next? I didn't want him fucking around, so how could I?

I emailed my cyber lover Ken, telling all. He said, "You two should have laid down ground rules. Also, if you can screw around, so can Gene. It's only fair."

"Your right, ground rules would be a big help," I answered. "Let's not even talk about the other. I won't go there right now."

Maybe I'm a bitch. But I'd proved I had self control. I was dying to wrap my mouth around Joseph's cock. I had my pussy inches from his raging hard-on while he was asking to rub it on my cunt lips, just a little bit. I wanted it. I wanted him to fuck me, but I turned him down. I don't know if Gene has the control I have. 

We've been monogamous for over a decade. There are a lot of STDs out there these days. I don't want any.

Gene really wants to suck some cock and get fucked. I'm afraid of opening Pandora's box. If he'd been there Friday instead of me, with a beautiful cock inches from his mouth, would he have been able to say no. I doubt it. Maybe I don't give him enough credit. 

Heck, the first years we were together, I was the slut, out fucking and sucking to my heart's content. He knew it too. Gene says he has never been unfaithful to me and I believe him.

It was hard to talk with our teenage son around. Finally, we got some privacy. We concluded I was projecting how I would react onto Gene. I would flip, so I expected him to. Despite our talk, it continued to fester in me.

At midweek we were home alone. Gene was in his office. I was my usually horny self, needing to cum. I went into his office and crawled between his legs, reaching for his pants. "Can I suck your cock please?"

He laughed and said, "Maybe." I can be a pain in the ass, always wanting sex.

I got his pants undone and whispered, "Nice" as I smacked my lips. I flicked my tongue on the head of his dick, then began licking around it. I watched him as I licked my way down the shaft, getting it wet. Once again, I couldn't read his face. I was still insecure. 

I started getting into it. I do love the feel of a hard cock in my mouth. I was slurping and sucking up and down his cock. My nipples were hard from rubbing against his legs with my every motion. I could see myself sucking him in the mirror, which enhanced my excitement.

Gene roughly pushed my head further down his cock, saying, "Suck it you little slut, just like you wanted to suck Joseph's cock."

I'd usually tell him not to push, but I wasn't over what I did, so I kept my mouth busy with what it's doing, instead of talking. It wasn't the best position to take a cock down my throat. I really hated being shoved, but I was a naughty wife. I pulled his hips forward to get a better angle, wanting him to stand up.

He knew me and did. "Is that better? Can I fuck your face harder like this?"

I could see everything in the mirror now. He grabbed my hair harder than he ever had before, pulling my head onto his cock. I kind of wanted to get mad, or to get up and go, but I let him continue. I was trying not to gag, to get the rhythm and relax my assaulted throat. See what I'd gotten myself into.

He just stopped. "Bend over the desk!" he barked. 

He's never talked to me like this. If either of us is dominate, it's usually me.

Gene lifted my skirt, pulled my thong aside and shoved two fingers into my pussy. "I see the slut wife wants to get fucked." He rammed his cock into me hard and just kept pounding deep and hard into my cunt, slapping my ass with his hands. He'd never done that. 

It hurt like a son of a bitch. I wasn't used to this. Somehow out of nowhere, I was starting to like it. Gene rarely takes control, I always decide what games we play. I get tired of always being in charge.

"Fuck me Gene, fuck me hard!" I was yelling. "I'm cumming, don't stop."

"My nasty slut wife likes getting punished for what she did, don't you bitch?"

"Yes! Oh that hurts, but yes, punish me I was so bad." I continued to cum as Gene shot a load deep inside me.

"Okay, I was busy. Get out of here, you slut."

I was confused, yet my body was afire from what had just transpired.

Now it's Saturday and things are hectic. I haven't even thought about what to play or even wear.

I've already had my shower. He's out quick.

"We're playing 'punish the naughty wife' today," he says. "You've been weird enough about this Joseph crap and I've had it! We're going to settle this once and for all. You feel guilty. Fine! I'll take care of that today. Get over here and suck my cock, you slut."

I hate being called a slut in that tone of voice, but just go to him fast.

No kissing, no touching, no foreplay. He just grabs me by my long hair and pulls me to my knees, to his cock. "Your going to do this my way!" He is already rock hard, no chance to get into the mood, to relax. I love sucking cock, I love the feel of it filling my throat, but I have to get aroused first. 

Not today, which both frightens and excites me.

"You're my cock sucking whore, and I know you wanted to suck Joseph's cock.

I can't comprehend what's happening here. This isn't how Gene acts. But there's no time to think about it. His fingers are locked in the back of my hair and he's pulling my head forward as he shoves his cock all the way down my throat. I can't breathe and want to gag. He's rapidly plunging all the way in and out. My eyes are watering and I'm catching breaths when I can.

"You little nasty bitch, going out in broad daylight and showing your cunt to strange men. Shoving your fingers in your pussy and fucking yourself for them. You probably did suck his cock, too. Did he ram it down your throat like I am? Did you enjoy letting a stranger fuck your hot mouth?"

I certainly can't answer him. 

He slows down some. Good. I think for a moment. He has his cock deep down my throat just holding it there, not pulling back. I'm telling myself "Relax. Relax, you can do this." I'm not sure which was worse, the fast furious ramming in and out of my throat, or the slow torturous holding it all the way in, that feels like it's taking an eternity. I have to look up at him. I can't fathom that this is my husband. But it is.

"Get on the bed, bitch. You aren't going to get me to cum that easy."

He grabs my nipples, squeezing and pulling them hard. "Ouch, baby that hurts."

"Shut up and take what you get. My fucking wife let some guy suck her tits. I can do anything to them I want."

I have very sensitive, very responsive nipples. Once things get going, they can handle some roughness. I figure, "I went out and played without asking. I better take what comes from it." I am scared. I've never seen this side of Gene. Not ever.

He starts slapping my thighs, then my ass. He has big hands and he's not even trying to gage the strength of his blows. Yet, I can feel myself starting to respond. I can't believe I'm getting turned on by this. I'm waiting for the next blow to my ass. I'm moving towards his hand, wanting the next assault, moaning from the mixture of pain and pleasure.

"My naughty wife likes being punished, doesn't she?"

"Yes. Spank me for being so bad. I was a very bad girl."

He sticks a couple fingers in my dripping snatch. "Little whore's all hot and wet. I bet she thinks she's going to get fucked now."

"Yes, please fuck me, fuck me hard Gene." I'm so impassioned. I want to get fucked.

"I'm going to fuck you all right, fuck you hard like you want. It isn't your slutty cunt I'm going to fuck, though. I'm going to fuck your ass, and I'm going to do it whether you want me to or not."

I rarely let anything bigger than a tongue in my nearly-virgin ass hole. Gene's butt fucked me three times in all the years we've been together. Slowly and carefully, after I'm very relaxed.

"You can consider yourself lucky I'm going to use any lubricant beside your dripping pussy juices."

He's behind me, lubricating his cock. I'm so fucking excited. The spanking and the way he's talking to me has my body afire. Is he really going to do this?

"You won't believe I'm not upset at you. You've been walking around the house acting all weird for a week. I know how to cure you." 

"The reason I picked you in the first place was because you were so nasty. Then you went and turned into a prude. I finally get you to be nasty for me again and you have a guilt trip over it."

"From now on, if I tell you to go out in a short skirt with no panties and show your cunt to someone, you do it. If you feel bad about it, I'll punish you. You're my naughty wife and you'll do as I say. 

"Just admit it. You liked having your cunt fucked by his hands, while he sucked your tits. Outside in the middle of the day, where you could have been caught at any moment."

"Now, my naughty little slut, I'm going to give something else you need." 

He lines his cock up with my rosebud and shoves the head in. 

Oh my God it hurts! My mind is racing. He has a grip on me. I'm not getting away. Think. Relax. How? Squeeze tight, then relax. Oh shit! I squeeze my ass for all it's worth, then relax. Yes, it's helping.

"That's my girl, relax, cause even if you don't I'm still fucking your ass until I'm done. What a hot slut you are. Your ass is so hot and tight, my cock feels really good in it. Sure looks good too, but it's going to look better all the way in."

Oh! Is he really doing this? I better get my act together or he's going to hurt me. Don't fight it. "Yes Gene, fuck me. Fuck your naughty wife in the ass! Fuck me like I deserve!"

"Okay slut." He presses onward, going further inside me. "Oh, that's nice! You should see my cock disappearing into your tight ass."

I'm pushing back to meet each thrust. It hurts, but it actually feels good too. My body is confused but doesn't seem to care. "That's good, fuck me, fuck my naughty ass hard Gene. Fuck me, I'm cumming, don't stop, fuck me harder." My orgasms are awesome, so intense the pleasure is overwhelming.

I think he ought to cum soon, but he doesn't. I'm going to be sore. I guess that's good. I won't soon forget my lesson. 

"So, my wife seems to like this. That's enough. Your supposed to be punished, not pleasured." He just pulls out.

He's got to be kidding.

"Turn around and suck my cock." 

I don't even know what to say or do. I just turn over.

"No, back on your hands and knees." He puts his dick, that's just been in my ass, to my lips and forces it in. "Suck it, dear. Lick yourself off of me." 

I'm trying to think of a way out of this, to no avail. He reaches over and starts smacking my ass again. It hurts terribly. I get busy and do my best.

"Nasty little tease. I know you like it when I tell you to drive with no panties on, with your skirt up. Took you long enough to do it. Are you going to obey me now?"

I stop to answer, "Yes."

"I didn't say you could talk. Just nod your head and keep sucking. In fact, here you go." He grabs my head and rams his cock back down my throat.

He has one hand shoving my head down the entire length of his cock. His other hand is showing no mercy to my ass cheeks. 

"Fucking slut wife, has to be punished for doing what I want. Your ass looks good this way, so red with welts on it. Are you learning anything yet?"

I look up and try to nod my head.

"What a good girl, you remembered not to stop. Now turn back around, but look at your ass in the mirror first."

I start to turn on the bed and see my poor abused butt. I can't believe it. It is bright red everywhere and there really are welts from his hands. No wonder it hurts.

"I'm going to fuck your asshole again. Don't cum unless I say so." He roughly grabs my cheeks, spreads them apart and once again drives his stiff cock all the way into me.

It's easier this time, but he said I can't cum. I'm a cum slut, I cum at the drop of a hat. Like I can control an orgasm. This is just making it harder. I always want what I can't have. "Please Gene. You have to let me cum." I'm pleading with him. He just fucks me at a even pace. Oh, it's good! All the way in and slowly out, over and over. "Please, Gene, I'll be good, let me cum while you fuck my ass." I'm meeting every stroke, pushing back, wanting it now. "I can't wait, fuck I can't, I'm cumming, oh fuck me!"

He's laughing as he wraps his arms around me, playing with my nipples the way I like, still fucking my ass. "I'm so glad I can help you by punishing you. Of course you can cum. I love you, my cum slut. Cum some more. Squeeze my cock with your ass."

As I continue to come, I feel him tensing up, holding himself deep inside me, cumming with me.



Aftermath



The Doctor took her out into the hall.

“Mrs. Mahoney, Shawn will be fine in time. The accident didn’t cause any serious long-term damage. It is important that you know however that he can’t have physical intercourse for at least six months due to the threat of infection.”

“Six months Doctor? We are a very loving couple, what will we do?” she blushed deeply. “That’s such a long time.” 

He patted her hand and said “Now you may of course with washed hands manipulate his extremities and if you wash him carefully afterwards you may even on occasion treat him to a short amount of oral sex. He can’t however come in your mouth, and must be carefully washed when you’re done. Do you understand?”

She nodded her head. Miserable at the thought of six months with no Shawn buried deep inside her needy pussy. She ached just at the thought. What were they going to do? She went back into the room and unable to tell him about the Doctors orders reassured him he would be coming home in the morning. The accident hadn’t hurt him permanently and all would be well. 

He was satisfied. He had been scared to death their sex life was over and said so to her. Before she left him using the lotion on the side of the bed she discretely gave him a climax to prove his wonderful cock was in working order and all would be well. He fell asleep as always, she cleaned him up and cried all the way home.

The following day, Fiona Mahoney for the first time in her life entered an adult bookstore on the way to the hospital. To her surprise, a nice older woman asked if she could help her with her selections.

Fiona stumbled and stuttered but finally got the story out. “There had been an accident, Shawn had been caught under the steering wheel and damaged his sexual organ. No intercourse for six months, what was she to do?”

Phyllis who owned the store smiled. “Darling, we can fix you up in no time. It will never be the same as a good stiff warm cock in your pussy but give you relief it will.” She giggled “especially if he gets into the game and uses these toys with you. Now let me show you what I have.”

It was over an hour later before they had finished selecting all the merchandise. Not only had Phyllis shown her more toys then she knew existed but she had taken her to the back room and insisted she try them.

“Can’t have you buying things that don’t turn you on now can we?”

Fiona had managed to have several hard orgasms with some little instruction. She was now certain everything would be all right and wondering where she had been all these forty-two years of her life that no one had ever told her about toys before.

She purchased two small vibrators, a large lime green jelly cock again as big as her Shawn but it felt so good filling her up, and one dark dusky pink one that was almost his size. Along with those, she got two big bottles of lubrication one with no taste and one that tasted like cherries. She liked that one. She also treated herself to some bras with cutout nipples, and several pairs of thong panties, and some wicked nightgowns and many batteries. She was amazed how good she looked in the sexy clothes. She was ready to take her man home and show him what life could be like even without intercourse.

She was an hour late arriving at the hospital. She had at the last minute stopped and booked a room and purchased some erotic video’s. Shawn took one look at her blushing cheeks and knew she was up to something. He felt his cock twitch at the look that said. I had sex and your going to get some when we get home.

The Doctor had already told him his limitations so he was curious about what would happen. He was also jealous of the fact his woman had somehow been satisfied and anxious to hear how that could have happened.

Fiona bent over to pick up his case and set it on his lap and made sure he saw her new panties. She kissed him Hello as she said how sorry she was that she was late and rubbed her large breasts over his chest. He swore he could feel hard nipples. He looked and could see them poking up from under her sweater. He shook his head, what was that woman up to today. He did know that his cock was getting hard. What was she thinking?

She got him settled in the car and pulling out into traffic smiled. “Reach over and feel my new panties my love.” He was more than anxious to do just that. He softly caressed her leg up her nylons to warm bare thigh and spreading his hand felt silk where cotton usually appeared. He reached across the slightly damp panties found they had a slit and he could fondle her pussy without a problem. She moaned and he withdrew. No more, auto accidents for them.

“You up to driving my love?” He shook his head yes, and she pulled over and they changed sides. 

“I know the Doctor told you several things before I came. I figure where there is a will there is a way. Sex is going to be different for awhile but sex it will be.”

She asked him to turn into the Ramada Inn up ahead and pull up to Room 637. He did, the bed inside was huge and was already turned down. There was on the side table a thermos of coffee and warm muffins. He was also surprised to see several fruits and a small pot of melted chocolate.

She turned to him and slowly unbuttoned him and stripped off his clothes. He was rock solid and weeping precum before she was done. 

Fiona excused herself and washed her hands and used mouthwash and then returned and knelt down to suck on her favorite toy.

“Honey” the Doctor, said, “I couldn’t do that.” 

Fiona, laughed, “He said a little, no coming in my mouth” He sat on the bed and groaned as she continued. When his sack got tight she withdrew and squirting some lotion carefully brought him to a climax.

“What does that do for you?” He asked. She giggled and said “watch”

Turning on slow sexy music Fiona his shy wife stripped for him under her street clothes she had underwear the likes of which he had never seen. He could feel his cock twitching again already. That was before he heard the bag and saw her reach as she pulled out a dildo as big as he was and watched as she lathered it with lubrication. She placed a leg up next to him and shyly said “Watch me.”

Watch her? They would have had to kill him to make him remove his eyes as it disappeared into her pussy and then she pulled it back out covered in the white creamy honey he liked so much. She did it slowly again as his hand covered hers and he heard her moan in passion and shiver.

“Fiona, you are a miracle” and he leaned closer and licked out with his tongue and laved her clitoris as his wife fucked herself into a frenzy.

Finally, afraid she would fall, he pushed her gently onto the bed and said “Enjoy. ” He took the hot, wet toy and using his thumb on her clit took her into a long rolling orgasm that shook the bed with its intensity.

Relaxing together, he finally asked. “How did you do all this and when?” She curled up closer and said “This morning that’s why I was late. She curled her fingers around his semi-hard cock. “I couldn’t live without you for six months.” He drew her closer. “I’m glad, I was going nuts thinking about not being close to you.

She sat up and said, “just wait, you haven’t seen anything yet.” Naked her baby belly still soft from the kids jiggling just a little, and the ass he loved bouncing she hurried to get a huge bag out of the closet.

She returned and dumped it on the bed. He sat up and laughed. “My god woman, did you buy out the store?”

She hit him several times with a pillow, “Why didn’t you ever tell me there was all this out there?” He shook his head. “Never needed it I guess, but thought about it a time or two.” He picked up some of her clothes and grinned. “Now I can’t wait to see you in this one.” He was holding a black leather corset that left her breasts uplifted but bare and her pussy uncovered.

She giggled, “I can see us at church with this under my dress and you knowing all the time I have on no bra and no panties. “ He pulled her to him and said. “How about washing those hands and giving this cock some relief?” He waited for her return and when she was busy working on his hard aching cock, he picked up the lime green cock and smiled. “I think I will just have to use this on you until your screaming for me to stop. What do you think?”

She leaned up and he reached down and kissed her taking her mouth and claiming his unique wife as his again.



Aftermath



Alrighty. This is my first story, so if you like it, good! If not, that's ok.

I would like to thank jacuzzigal for her assistance and expertise as an editor. You are a doll!

I would also like to thank Aussie Bard, who tale "Who's Sorry Now' inspired this one. If you haven't read it yet GO NOW!

And thanks for reading!

******

Monday

"I'm Home!"

A simple statement. A statement said millions of times a day all over the world. But this day, in this house, Cindy Brock again said a silent prayer to God thanking him for the return of her husband of five years, Kevin.

"I'm in the kitchen dear. Make yourself comfortable. Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes!" Cindy looked over the meal she had prepared. Not complicated but he likes it. Nothing to make him suspicious of her actions. 

"God I hope this works...I love him so much and I almost..." Tears start to form in her eyes but she stops them. "Can't ruin my make up, have to play it safe."

To understand why she has to play it safe we have to go back in time to last year. Last year Cindy's former best friend Carol caught her husband in an affair with a young intern at his business. Devastated she turned to Cindy and Kevin. They took her in and supported her.

That's when the trouble began. Carol came to Cindy one day and told her that she knew Kevin was having an affair. Cindy tried to argue but Carol brought up him coming in late, his recent cold attitude to her and then brought out the credit card statements. On them were charges for a hotel stay; a bill for delivered flowers, expensive lunches and the most damaging charge: a bill for an expensive necklace from a local store.

Cindy was crushed, but Carol convinced her to get even with Kevin before she confronted him. So they went out and got Cindy a lover, Ricky. Now Ricky knew his thing and he took advantage of the injured wife. Soon she was doing things for him that she would never do for her husband, anal, swallowing and more. A month after they started, Cindy made a tape of them and sent it to Kevin telling him she had been getting even with him, she didn't think she can get over his cheating, and she might be pregnant and in love with Ricky.

Kevin asked her to dinner to talk things over; Cindy brought Ricky and Carol along. They assaulted Kevin with their evidence but before Cindy could ask for a divorce, two of Kevin's coworkers showed up. They were an older couple and the woman, Susan, was not only his boss but also his mentor at work as well. They started talking to them all, thinking Carol and Ricky where an item. Cindy fumed there waiting for them to leave. Then the bombshell hit.

"Oh and Kevin thank you for that gift you gave me and Tom."

"Gift?" Carol and Cindy both asked.

"Yes, you know... For our twentieth anniversary Kevin sent us on a new honeymoon.... it wasn't far, only in the next town, but with all the work we've been getting it was a needed break. We even used new names and everything. It was so ...dirty, so secretive, so forbidden so ... wrong it was great! I even took my wedding ring off in front of that poor girl at the reception desk letting her think me and Mr. Jones here where having an affair!" The couple laughed as Ricky, Carol and Cindy sat speechless.

"You have a great husband here, and I am sorry that he had to stay late after work all those months. But I really needed his help and then after all of that, he arranged this wonderful gift.... did he think this up all himself or did you have a hand in it?"

Before Cindy could answer, Kevin said they had to leave to visit someone. They all said their goodbyes and left. Kevin would not let them say a word as he drove them all to a house in the suburbs; there they talked to one of the sales girls at his workplace and her husband. Then bomb number two hit.

"Thank you for the flowers. They where really appreciated," the sales girl's husband said.

"Does he like being cuckolded?" Cindy thought, and then saw the tears in the girl's eyes.

"We should leave," Kevin stated. As they went into the car, Kevin looked at Cindy and said, "She lost the baby a few months ago.... stillborn and 4 months premature."

Kevin's cold eyes tore Cindy's heart in two. In silence they drove back to Cindy's car. Ricky made a hasty retreat, and Cindy and Carol drove home together silently. When they arrived they saw another car in the driveway next to Kevin's.

Before they entered the booming laugh of Kevin's mother, Alice, could be heard. They came in to find the two of them laughing and making jokes. This confused them both; the fact that Kevin and Alice hadn't gotten along since his father died was no little family secret. Then two things struck both Carol and Cindy. The necklace around Alice's neck, and the fact her breasts were smaller, a lot smaller.

Noticing their stares, Alice laughed again. "Oh come on, the doctor did a great job...and they where giving me back pains anyway!"

"Nice to see you have such a good disposition on this Mom," Kevin said, slowly turning to look at Cindy.

"Well, your grandmother had this and so did your aunt Tweets! And if that little bore can beat this then so can I!"

"Beat what?" came the hesitant question from Carol, though both her and Cindy feared they knew the answer.

"Breast cancer."

Turned out Alice's doctor, who was an old family friend, had broke confidentiality and told Kevin of Alice's condition. Then one day he showed up at her work and asked her to lunch. There he gave her the necklace and told her he knew. That started the reconciliation between the two. No son wants to lose his mother.

Eventually Alice left, but not before filling Cindy's ears with praise for her loving husband and reminding him of their lunch date for Wednesday. Then the house went silent. Before either of the women could talk, Kevin told Carol to leave. When she headed to the door, he stopped her saying, "No I mean from here...permanently. Get your stuff and leave."

That night Kevin and Cindy didn't talk. Cindy was too embarrassed and confused. They didn't talk the next day either. Kevin moved into the guest room that Carol had been using. That Friday he told Cindy he was hurt but he still wanted to try and stay together. That was three months ago. They had tried to talk but the pain, guilt and anger kept getting in the way. Just as Cindy was losing hope, Kevin brought up going to a marriage counselor. She agreed and their appointment was set for Thursday.

Now, where did we leave off?

"Have a good day at work?" Cindy asked coming into the living room.

"Mondays are hell, especially now."

"What's different now?"

Kevin gave her a questioning look, then a flash of anger crossed his face, but both were replaced with a bit of sorrow.

"I forgot...While she was here we didn't talk much..."

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to help her."

"Now let's not start this, not today...lets just wait for Thurday," he sighed. "Susan left the company"

"What!? When?"

"A few days after our little dinner. Seems she and her husband felt they had reconnected and didn't want to lose that again. So she took an early retirement. Now we are short handed, and overworked with more work coming."

"Who's going to replace her?"

"So far management hasn't done anything, just sit and spin their wheels." He let out another sigh. "So I have stepped up and took over the department unofficially. No one complained. In fact, old Charles was wondering when I would jump in," Kevin laughed, "The only good thing is Amber, the head of human resources, told me today that they have stopped looking outside the company. In fact she said that I will be named acting head in a few days."

"Oh honey that's great! If they do that you will get the job! I know it!" squealed Cindy as she jumped up from her seat and came over to give Kevin a hug. But just before she could wrap her arms around him, he got up.

"Ah sorry ... I have to ... ah ...go to the bathroom and change." Kevin slowly exited the room leaving Cindy behind.

Damn, Cindy thought, this was such good news, but I... Cindy stopped herself. I can't cry now, she thought. She had a plan. A plan that formed in her head over the weekend and was determined to see it though. A plan to get her husband back.

Over dinner Cindy questioned him on his work, and what changes he was going to make in the department. Cindy really didn't understand too much of his work but was interested in his life. She'd been missing him for months. There was so much to catch up on; Susan's leaving only made this more apparent.

Later while Kevin finished watching the late news, Cindy got ready. Admiring herself in the mirror, she debated putting her hair up or down, deciding on down.

"A good choice," she said to herself about her outfit. Nothing too sexy. In fact she had gotten rid of all the clothes that she had bought for Ricky. All the sexy frilly ones and especially the outfit she wore in that tape. Tonight she was wearing a cotton dress shirt she bought for Kevin when they first got married. It said XL on the package but was really more of XXXL. 

She still laughed remembering when he put it on the first time. He looked like a child in its folds. Cindy was totally engulfed in it. And the shorts. Boxers she had gotten from the same place the next week. They were too small to fit him. A little large on her small frame but she could still wear them. 

Entering the living room Cindy saw the bikini clad antics of some enhanced blonde on the set, "What are you watching?"

" The miracles of modern medicine. And for only ten thousand dollars you too can be a famous actress!"

"You think I could look like that?" Cindy asked with a devilish grin on her face.

A smirk crosses Kevin's face for just a second as Cindy sits down with him on the couch. "I don't think so. Somehow I think you have to work out to get that way and we both know the most you work out is taking the credit card from your purse to the cashier - and you need to be spotted for that"

"Oh you ass!" Cindy screamed with a laugh. Just a few years ago she would have taken him seriously. But now she knew his sense of humor, his wicked style of verbal paring foreplay. "I'll show you a work out!"

With that, she ripped one of the decorative pillows off the couch and started to pummel him with it. It didn't take long before he grabbed his own and returned the assault. 

"Wait, wait! We are going to tear..."

"I don't care I'm going to get you for that mister!"

Kevin dropped his pillow and started to struggle with his wife, eventually grabbing her wrists and pinning her down on the couch. They looked each other in the eyes, panting. A light laugh started between them. Then Kevin slowly, oh so slowly, lowered his lips to hers. Tenderly they started to kiss, the first real kiss they shared since that night months ago. 

Slowly their kisses increased in number and intensity. Kevin released her wrists and traced her outstretched arms with his fingertips. Slowly he brought his hands to her sides and caressed her along the waist and the sides of her soft breasts. He broke their kiss and kissed the side of her face slowly, moving delicately across her flesh as he made his way to her neck, tasting her light perfume. There he licked, sucked and kissed her while his hand found the buttons on the shirt, opening them. With the last button released, he started to trace every curve on her body. Around her small pert breasts, down her small stomach and back up her slightly ticklish sides, causing small squeaking noises to escape her lips.

After a few minutes of this slow assault, he brought his right hand up to cup the back of her head, while his left snaked it way down to the boxers. As his hand passed the waistband on the shorts, he traced his kisses down to her breasts, slowly kissing the outline of them just as his fingers traced just a minute ago. His left hand entered her shorts and caressed the warm flesh on her thighs, fingers dancing along her smooth skin. Delicately he made his way to her sex; his fingers brushed their way through her brown pubic hair.

Good thing I let that grow out, Cindy thought to herself for just a second before the heat of his breath descended on her nipple.

"Oh God...." 

Kevin cupped her groin, holding her while she slowly tried to grind herself into his hand. He massaged her, feeling her moistness, slowly spreading his fingers and, with them, her. Cindy spread her legs to give him better access as his tongue flickered over her now very sensitive nipple. Like a piano player playing the concert of his life, Kevin played his fingers around her clit, spreading her juices. Cindy panted and gasped under his touch.

"Kevin, don't torture me like this, please...Oohhh..." Cindy arched herself against Kevin, driving her breasts into his face as he slowly entered her with his fingers. He continued to play with her sex while his other hand rubbed her neck, and his mouth made a circuit from one breast to the next. This body assault continued until Cindy could take it no more. As the orgasm overwhelmed her, she wrapped her arms around him pulling him into her chest and spanned her legs around his body, pinning him. Slowly the waves of pleasure begun to slow and cease. She started to release her grip but not before kissing him on the top of his head.

"Wow.... oh wow honey...." Cindy panted. Kevin sat back trying to get his breath, then he caught the gleam in his wife's eye. 

"Your turn." Cat-like Cindy stalked across the couch towards her prey.

"Ah, Cin-" His words were cut off by a kiss. Still kissing him, Cindy pulled his shirt up over his chest then kissed down his face, down his neck and then to his chest. There she ran her fingers trough his chest hair, while she started to kiss and lick at his chest.

"What are you-?"

"Just making my way, dear. Relax"

Cindy wanted to make this last but that could be for later...now she just had to return the pleasure that he gave her. She kissed her way down his body to his sweatpants, where she worked her fingers into them. Kevin raised himself off the couch allowing her to take off his pants, not expecting her to take his boxers with them. Cindy lowered her face onto his freshly revealed cock, letting her breath heat the space between them. 

As a moan came from Kevin she took him in her hand and placed her mouth over the head of his cock. She didn't close her mouth yet. She let him get used to her heat, and the moistness of her mouth. Looking up she started to wrap her tongue around his head, but was disappointed to see that he had laid his head back. She wanted to look into his eyes as she made love to him with her mouth. After watching him for a while and knowing that he couldn't take it much longer she took him deeper into her mouth, slowly letting him into her depths. Her head started to bob up and down, as she took more and more of him into her mouth on each descent. Cindy grasped the sides of his hips as she moved on his manhood, slowly but hungrily increasing in speed. Soon she began to feel his cock flex in her mouth and she knew that he was ready.

"Oh, Cindy - " Kevin moaned. He lifted his head and looked at his wife, just as she looked up and into his eyes.

She saw that his eyes were filled with love and lust for a second, and then they flashed in anger, confusion and pain. A cold hand grasped Cindy's heart just a second before he pushed her off his member.

"NO!" The scream left Kevin's lip as Cindy fell into the floor. "No," he gasped again, pulling himself up off the couch before looking at her again. Before she could say a word, he pulled his sweats up and headed to the guest room.

Stunned, she lay there for a minute before scrambling to her feet and raced to the closed door of the guestroom. Before she could open it to explain, to talk, to plead, she was stopped by the sound that killed her heart and wounded her very soul. She heard her husband crying.

------------------------------------

Tuesday

Cindy was awoken by the sound of Kevin's car leaving the garage. She opened her tear-encrusted eyes and looked at the clock at the bedside.

"Oh no, now he's going into work over an hour early." 

The rest of the morning Cindy cleaned the house, wishing that she hadn't switched days at work to have today off. She had such dreams that today they could spend the day in bed, Kevin calling in sick to work, reconnecting with her husband.

But last night that came to a stop.

Around noon, as Cindy made herself some lunch, she heard a car pull into the driveway.

"He's back...." Cindy rushed to the door and opened it to get to her husband. But he wasn't there. It was her parents.

Retired early due to her father's investments, they lived in the next town, just twenty minutes away but she didn't get to see them much.

A week after Kevin's 'outing', Cindy went to them and confessed her sins. Both of them promised to get her a good attorney and to "stick it" to Kevin. Cindy's reply that she and Kevin were trying to make it seemed to depress them. They never liked Kevin. He was too laid back for her over-stressed and aggressive father and too 'lower class' for her status-happy mother.

But they put their feelings aside for the happiness of their daughter. Then when it seemed that she could 'be rid of' Kevin they were overjoyed. That just angered the despondent Cindy, and they argued. This was the first time that she had seen them since that night. They chatted on the phone but it was strained and uncomfortable for all of them.

"Mommy!" Cindy raced out of the door and wrapped her arms around her mother, tears staining her dark blue dress.

"So has he finally left?" her mother asked.

"Martha," came the stern reply from her husband. "We didn't come here to argue."

"It's an honest question, Thomas."

"Let's get inside," Thomas stated as he took his only daughter by her shoulders and led her in.

He sat Cindy on the couch as Martha gathered some drinks together from the kitchen. 

Returning she commented, "Honestly, they just need to divorce. I don't know what he is trying to do."

"He's tying to save our marriage after I fucked it up, Mother!" screamed Cindy. "I messed up. I am the problem, not him."

"No he's just getting revenge on you by dangling a carrot in front of you before he snatches it away."

"Why would you say such a thing? He loves me, he always has."

"No, he loves having an attractive wife that he can't hope to match. He loves being a lowly accountant with a bride that can turn men's heads, the little-"

"Martha, I am warning you," started Thomas only to be cut off by Cindy.

"An accountant? Accountant? He's not an accountant. He has a degree in business just like Daddy. Sure it's not from Harvard but it's from a good school. And for your information, he's not lowly. He's about to be promoted to the head of his department."

"How's that dear? That Mrs. Queensberry has been heading up that division for years," inquired Thomas.

"She retired recently to be with her husband. And Kevin has taken over running the department. And for your information, Mother," Cindy spat out, "when he does get promoted he will be making more money than Daddy was at his age."

"Impressive." Thomas seemed to be surprised by the developments at Kevin's work.

"Well, all I can say it is that still doesn't change a thing. Making you live here so far from us, from your friends, making you take a job, and not doing his duty and giving us grandkids. I understand exactly why you felt you had to look outside you marriage."

"Mom, what are you saying?" Cindy stammered. She sat for a second looking at her mother. "You want to know why you are not a grandmother by me? It's not because he has been neglecting me, Mother. It's because I didn't want children."




Aftermath



"What?" exclaimed her parents. With one son announcing he was gay last year and the other having too much fun being single to settle down, they'd put all of their grandchildren hopes in Cindy. Now they saw those dreams of grandkids going down the drain.

"Well not immediately. I wanted to wait at least 10 years. He wanted to wait oh, till the honeymoon to start trying. I wanted a few 'fun' years. He wanted to start right then so we could enjoy them. So we compromised and said we would..." Cindy started to cry, " We said we would start next year. Then I had to go and try to have Ricky's...oh God."

Thomas gently held his child as both he and his wife digested the news that the reason they didn't have the grandchildren yet they wanted wasn't because of their son, but their loving child. And that she was trying to have one with her lover.

"Oh Jesus, thank you....", moaned Cindy.

"Honey?" Thomas pulled Cindy up and looked at her, "What?"

"Thank the Lord I wasn't knocked up. I don't think I would have been able to keep Kevin. He's against abortion, and I know he wouldn't want to raise another man's baby. Even if I said I would give it away, I don't think we could have made it nine months." 

Cindy grabbed a tissue from a well-used box next to the couch before continuing. 

"As for me working, I'm not like you, Mother. I can't be sitting on committees and talking about the town flowerbeds and such. I wanted to work. He was against it. I won out but had to promise to stay part time. But you are right. He wanted to live away from you all. But he wanted to be in Langsfield, over an hour way. I wanted the Hassel house next to ours. But he compromised and said if we could find a house here, then we would live in this town. I wish I had agreed, we could talk then...we could work things out. Before I met Carol."

Martha sat back stunned to discover Kevin wanted mostly what she did. She secretly wanted to live in Langsfield, but knew that in her hometown she was a big fish. There she wouldn't be. Her son wanted for her daughter what she did. Then it struck her. That was the first time she ever thought of him as her son-in-law. For only the fifth time in her life she was humbled. The other times were the birth of her children and when Thomas had asked her to be his bride.

"He'll do good in that job, he's a good manager of people," Thomas stated, breaking the silence. "Honest, loyal...way too loyal."

"Unlike me, unlike his so called LOVING WIFE right, Daddy," accused Cindy.

"No, it's not like that hon. I-"

"You want to see it? You want to see the tape? I still have a copy in the garage. Want to see your innocent daughter fucking a guy she picked up on the street like a two-dollar whore while telling him he was so much better then her husband. Her loving, caring...." tears clogged Cindy's throat, stopping her rant.

"No ...I just can't...I can't figure him out. Why would he stay? I know you hurt him. It had to. If your mother had ever done that..." Thomas looked at a stunned Martha, " I couldn't stay. You talk of his revenge. I wonder that too. I wonder what he is going to go to get back at you, at that girl, at that guy."

"What do you mean dear?" Martha asked.

"His pride has been hurt. His manhood, his ...everything! But what does he do? Does he ruin Carol? Does he run Cindy's name into the ground? Do the police find this, this, gigolo piece of garbage laying in a gutter beaten to a pulp? No. He just slowly, and surely proves his innocence then...nothing. It's the wait. It's killing me. What is he going to do? A man has to have revenge. He has to make it even. But nothing...for a while I thought...." he voice trailed off, knowing he'd said too much.

"What Daddy? What? Please tell me...." pleaded Cindy.

"For a while I thought he would get back at you like you where 'trying' to get back at him. So I had him followed. Nothing for a few days then, then he went to a bar. Got some drinks talked to some regulars. Then ... nothing. He went home."

"Bailey's. He went to Bailey's. Susan, her husband Andy and him used to go there a few times a week."

"Yes Bailey's. Nice place." Thomas cleared his throat, " So I thought he was just waiting for the right gal. So I, ah, found her."

"What?" both women exclaimed.

"It's a service of the agency I was using. To see in if the husband is cheating. Nice girl. A tall sexy blonde. She went to the bar. Sat next to him and hit on him.... nothing. I don't even think he noticed. So the next night she tried again. This time she was even more overt. Strike two. So, last Friday, they ...they had another detective point out to him that she was hitting on him. He promptly told her that he was married. And then he left. Oh there was more...she tried, I mean really tried but he would have any of it. I heard the tape and saw some hidden footage they had. I can't...I really can't believe it." 

Everyone sat back, thinking over the things that they had learned. For Martha that was the birth of respect for Kevin. And a feeling of sadness when she realized how close his marriage with Cindy was to being over. Thomas still couldn't believe even his own tale. The words of the girl echoed in his mind: "He's one of the last good ones, sir. If your daughter and him divorce, I might have to quit my job. Men like that don't come around the bend any more."

For Cindy, her father's story only reinforced the pain. A small part of her wanted him to slip. To have him get even with her. Then they might be able to move on. But right now all they do is hurt each other. She had to pin her hopes on Thursday. Hope that it will be the start of real healing.

Martha was the first to speak, "Honey if you need anything, anything at all."

"Anything dear, just ask us," finished her father. They looked at each other and knew that everything had changed. Regret for them both, regret for their misplaced anger at Kevin. Regret for never giving him a chance.

But none of them had to more regret than Cindy over her actions. And the words that she uttered just a few minutes ago keep echoing in her head:

"Before I met Carol."

------------------------------------

Thursday

"Today is last day of my marriage as it was," Cindy told herself in the mirror. She had gotten off work early to come home and freshen up. "Today we either start to repair the damage I caused ... or ... " the thought caused her to shiver. She had tried to seduce him earlier in the week; the only result had been silence. She could feel her heart die a little more each day as the gulf between them widened.

She glanced at the clock and noticed that it was getting close to the appointment. She headed out the door.

"Will he even show up? Can he forgive me? Did I hurt him so bad?" These questions rolled through her brain.

As she pulled into the lot, a feeling of relief flooded her being as she spied her husband's car.

"Ok one down.... how many more to go?"

Kevin exited his car when she pulled up. 

"You are almost late, we can go right in. I came earlier and filled out all the paperwork."

"Thank you, Kevin." 

He came earlier! He is really trying! He wants to try! These thoughts brought light to her heart as she followed Kevin up to the counselor's office.

Inside they just had to wait a few minutes before seeing the counselor. First Cindy went in. She was apprehensive at first but Mr. Chamberlain reassured her that he just wanted to get her side of the story first. So there are no arguments.

With pain and some humiliation she told her tale to the stunned man.

"Ah... well. That is quite a tale."

"It's not a tale, sir. It's my horrible life."

"Now, now, let's not have talk like that. I don't mean to trivialize your pain. That came out wrong."

Mr. Chamberlain then met with Kevin alone. Cindy sat in the reception area wondering what they where saying. Just as dread started to overcome her the door opened and she was motioned inside. 

"So ... " Cindy began, the fear apparent in her voice.

"I have to admit," the therapist confessed, "I have never seen anything like this before in my career. The two of you have some serious problems." 

Cindy began to tear up.

"But, the fact that neither of you have moved out of the house, and the fact that you are here gives me hope. Hope that maybe we can get you two back to a loving relationship."

"Like before? " Cindy asked filled with hope. She glanced at her husband to see him...deflated. Dejected. The glow that she felt at the doctor's news began to fade as she saw what she has done to this loving man.

"No, your marriage will never be like it was. The damage is too much. But we can reforge it. Make it new."

At least some hope still exists, Cindy thought to herself.

"Now I would like to have one session with each of you alone next week before our appointment next Thursday if that is ok with the two of you."

To Cindy's surprise they replied "ok" simultaneously.

The doctor smiled at them. "Good. You can make your appointments with my secretary."

Next Tuesday.

"Why don't you go to him?" the doctor asked. "Open up and tell him everything, try to console him?"

Cindy had just spent the last hour telling him in detail all that has gone on in the past several months. 

"I don't kn ... No, I do. I felt pain. I know that I hurt him and I didn't know how to fix it."

"It's possible that you won't be able to 'fix it', just learn to live within the new rules that the two of you will make in your relationship."

"What? But I have to fix it. I have to make it up to him!"

The doctor took his glasses off with a sigh. "Cindy. Kevin is hurt because you have done things with another man that you wouldn't with him. All the while telling the other man he was better than your husband."

"But he wasn't. Kevin is a fantastic lover! And those things ... I will gladly do them with Kevin, I want to!"

"Cindy where you a virgin when you married?"

"No, we couldn't seem to wait with each other but Kevin was my first and only until...."

"And Kevin?"

"The same...but people live with others having had lovers before they got married all the time!"

"But you didn't have one before Kevin."

His words cut through Cindy like a knife.

"Think about it. Everything he might have wanted to try ... you did with this Ricky. He was your first. And you vocally showed your pleasure. If he ever does those things to you, how will he know that you are enjoying it? That you aren't acting?"

"But I will enjoy it. It will be with Kevin."

"He's concerned that he's not as experienced as your lover was and he will make mistakes."

"I can teach hi ... " Suddenly it struck her. She shouldn't be teaching her husband about these things. Shouldn't be showing him how to please her. They should be learning these things together. Now they never would. 

This loss weighed on Cindy's heart.

"He's hurt. He doesn't want to take up from what Ricky taught you. He doesn't want to 'benefit' from your actions. In his mind he will never be as good as Ricky. Because if he was, you would have done those things with him."

The doctor leaned back in his chair.

"And how will he ever know that he is pleasing you? You can lie. Women fake orgasms all the time. And you are so desperate to get him back, to fix things, that you will do anything for him. Even do things that you had denied him. Even if you really don't want to do them with him."

This thought revolved around her mind. 

"Does he think that I will do these things just because I have to keep him? Not because I want to?"

"That is an excellent question for Kevin. I really can't answer that. But you have to ask yourself: How would you feel in his place?"

Cindy didn't want to think of that.... the thought was poison to what remained of her sanity.

------------------------------------

That Wednesday

"Do you love her?"

Now that was a simple question. If you had asked Kevin Brock this question months ago his answer would have come quickly and with force. Today when the Doctor asked him ...he took his time.

"Ye ... yes." 

"You hesitated."

"I had ... I had to make sure I still did. Even after what happened I do. But the pain, the pain makes that hard to see."

"She's in pain too."

"Not like me. She just has guilt and fear. I have pain."

"Why do you say that?"

"She did something wrong, really wrong. And she knows that. She wants us to stay together but she thinks she's going to lose me. That's why she tries so hard."

"Do you want her to try?"

"I want my wife, not some one who walks on eggshells around me. I want the woman who would fight me over editorials in the newspapers and call me a dumbfuck for my views. I want someone who says she will fix me a special diner and I get hot dogs from the local church bake sale. That's who I want."

"That's who we are trying to get here too."

"I hope so."

"Do you two talk anymore? I mean really talk. I find it hard to believe that you could do those things that you did and not tell her about it."

"Until she came to live with us, we talked. We talked all the time. Talked about everything. We used to talk to each other in bed. Just little things like what flowers we wanted in the backyard or trying to figure out whose kid knocked the stop sign at the end of the street down again. Now don't get me wrong we didn't always agree. In fact most of the time there was a difference of opinion but ... we did talk."

"And then...?"

"But then she moved in and we never had the time. It was always Carol this and Carol that. When I tried to talk about other things Cindy got mad at me. Said I was 'trivializing' Carol's pain. I just wanted to talk about something else besides Carol. Then work picked up.... heavy. So I threw all the time I could into it. Why not? I have nothing to do at home."

A pause grew between them. With a clearing of the throat, the doctor asked another question.

"What about your sex life?"

"What sex life?"

Another simple statement, this one said with no emotion, though it should have been full of it.

"Can you explain?"

"I haven't had sex in months. Fourteen months. That's how long my sex life has been hell. That's when she moved in. I even asked her to. I thought I was being nice. Then, she never left. We couldn't have sex because when Cindy is," his eyes burned with anger, "when she is being penetrated she is very, very vocal. So it had slowed to a trickle before ... she found her lover..."

"A dreadful mistake she's admitted she regrets."

"Yeah right, and nothing since."

"But she's tried."

"Yeah, tried to show me her new tricks."

"You have some major pain over this."

"Are you sure you're the doctor and not an intern? Because I think the man on Mars knew that too. Look she went out and got a better lover. A man who could do to her what I couldn't do and still can't. The only thing I can thank God for is that we are endowed the same. If he had a large ..." his words drifted off.

"You're very passive about all of this."

"Not passive.... shutting down. It like ... it's like I can't seem to get moving. I have no passion, no desire any more. It getting hard to feel any more."

Kevin cleared his throat then continued. "You know the worse part. The images. I can actually block out her voice in my mind. I can stop her from saying how great he is and how horrible I am. Her groans and her screams. I can't block out her face. How she looks when he took her in the a...." his voice stumbles, "when she looked into the camera she sucked on him. When she let him use her like she told me only whores let men use them."

"Then a few nights ago...." he choked out over tears that are beginning to form, "we started.... for the first time since. I tried to do my best. Tried to be better than him. Tried to be.... Then she looked at me ... with those eyes... using what she learned from.... I...."

Dr. Chamberlain let Kevin compose himself before he asked his next question.

"Have you thought of revenge?"

Kevin laughed, the first laugh the Doctor had ever heard from him.

"On who and how perchance do you suggest I do so? How must I get even with this Ricardo guy? Hell he was just given the keys to the kingdom and took it. There are times in my life if a hot chick had come up to me and said, 'I want you to fuck my brains out.' I would have, no questions asked. He was a pawn. No blame can be set at his footsteps."

"What about Carol?"

"Oh what can I do? Write her name and number on every bathroom stall from here to Texas? She gave Cindy the tools to dig the grave we are in. But Cindy made the choice."

"Ok, Cindy then?"

Kevin looked at the doctor bewildered.

"Haven't you learned anything here? Revenge doesn't fix things. It just makes you feel better temporarily. I don't care about feeling better... I just want my marriage back"

------------------------------------

Couples session, three weeks later

"Look Kevin, Cindy is saying she doesn't think you're were a bad lover. She never did."

"He's right honey. I ... I just ... I was caught in trying to hurt you and I know I did. I was wrong. Oh so wrong and if I could change it all, I would."

"Yeah, to keep it secret," Kevin replied sarcastically.

"Kevin Brock that's a lie and you know it! " 

Cindy's anger flared, she could not believe that he thought she still wanted to be with Ricky. But when he said that he didn't know if he could satisfy her anymore, that cut her to the bone. And to hear his reason why... she could not let him think this. Not anymore.

"Look I did things I am ashamed of with him. There I said it. Yes I am ashamed. I should have done those things only with you. I should have been with you only. WE should have learned not only what I like but what you like as well. But we can't. I can't go back in time. I can't change what I know. But I can tell you what I want. I want you. I want your touch. I want you love. Your caresses. Your kiss. You have never failed me as a lover and I am so thankful for that."

Cindy took a deep breath before continuing.

"He wasn't always like that. Sometimes it was just to get his rocks off. " A shiver went down Cindy's spine. "I'm just a whore."

"Cindy," the Doctor interrupted, "that's not..."

"You're not a whore Cindy." Kevin said, then stopped...he wanted to finish. Wanted to tell her that she was his wife. But something kept him from doing it.

That Saturday

It was the screaming that awoke Cindy from her sleep. At first she didn't know where it was coming from or who it was but then she heard her husband's voice.

"Get out you bitch!" 

Who is he yelling at? Cindy quickly put on her robe and just as she opened the door she heard another voice. A voice from the past.

"Just listen to me Kevin. I messed you two up. I need to fix it!"

"By what? Being even a bigger whore than you already are?"

"Listen you need to get back at me and ...and to even the score with Cindy. If you sleep with me..."

Carol's words stopped Cindy in her tracks. This was one of Cindy's fears. The fear that Kevin would find another to experience, another that might lead him away from her. A fear that just might be coming true.

"What? You talk her into ... into whoring herself out and now you want me to? What are you? Crazy? Get out of my house ... get out of OUR house!!!!"

"Kevin, I'm just tying to help. You two are really messed up and I did it to you both. You're going to get divorced!" Carol's voice began to crack.

"Then ... then that's our decision. Not yours. How are you supposed to help?"

"You can get revenge on her. I ... never did some things with Bob. You could do them to me. Then she would have the same pain as you."

"Now I understand. You don't want to help anyone."

"No I do, I just want to he..."




Aftermath



Kevin's laugh interrupted her.

"Help? By spreading hurt and pain? You think to heal our marriage Cindy has to hurt? That I have to? I won't do that because if I did cheat then my marriage will be over. The pain of my actions would kill me. I love Cindy. I don't know why I do. Especially after what she did to me, but I do. And if you love someone you don't try to hurt them."

He still loves me. I was beginning...I was beginning to ... Tears started to form in Cindy's eyes.

"Everyone keeps waiting on me to get my revenge. I have no revenge. I just have my pain. Pain I am trying to get away from. That is the only way I can save my marriage. I just hope that my pain hasn't totally driven a wedge between us."

"But she..."

"I know she caused the pain. I know she feels sorrow. But I can't ... I can't get beyond what she said. What she did. She's trying, I know, but I ... I can't move on. But you can't help us. You started all of this. You needed revenge and I became your target when you couldn't twist the screws on Bob enough. If I didn't despise you as much as I do, then I would pity you. Now please. I have been trying for a long time to keep my temper. Not just today. But I have been trying for months. I don't want to blow up. Because I know if I do, then I will get revenge. And I don't want that. I just want my family. Please leave."

Kevin's voice had regained is composure. The unsettling inner calm that bothered Cindy. 

He's really trying, Cindy realized, and tears fell from her face. And I can't help. Cindy ... when you get revenge you really get it.

The next Tuesday

"So after you found out your husband loves you, and is doing his best, you move out?" The doctor didn't even try to hide the dismay in his voice.

"Yes. Look I have been in his face every day since the start of this. I have been talking to him, trying to make amends. Showing him that I am waiting. I think that is part of the problem. He has never had a chance to get those horrible images out of his head. He's been trying to force his way through them. And he can't. They have to fade."

"So where are you staying?"

"At my friend Amy's. It's ok except for her dog. He's a bit overly friendly. Don't worry, Kevin has the number and I told him I was giving him space. So he can relax and heal. And we are still going to be attending our sessions."

"What if absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder?"

"Then I will have to deal with it. It will be the price I have to pay for my sins."

Two months later

Cindy looked around the apartment. 

"Two months and I still can't get that gal to keep that over grown Scooby Doo off the furniture."

She vacuumed the sofa until a pounding sound gave her pause. Turning off the vacuum, she realized it coming from the door.

"Wait a minute!" she yelled, setting the vacuum down. Who can this be?

The pounding continued until she opened the door. What she saw shocked her.

Kevin stood there ready to continue his assault on the door when she opened it. His hair was a mess. His suit disheveled, but it's his face, his face that was the worst for Cindy. It was a mixture or terror and pain as tears streaking down from his eyes.

"Cin..." he stumbled forward and engulfed Cindy in his arms. As he tightened his grip around her, he started to sob. 

"What's wrong? Kevin. Please talk to me!" Cindy returned the hug, selfishly relishing his embrace. It took several minutes for him to calm down, but when he did Cindy heard a son's greatest fear.

"It's mom, she got tested again today. The cancer's returned."

That Thursday

"So your first thought when you found out was to go to your wife."

"No my first thought was to scream but after that I just ... just wanted to be with someone I loved. Someone to support me." Kevin looked to his wife, squeezing her hand lovingly.

Cindy beamed at her husband as he told the Doctor of the latest news.

"And you?" the doctor asked Cindy.

"Well I made sure we went right back to Alice. That was like walking into hell." Cindy shuttered as the memory of the lashing that Alice gave her for her actions to her son. The final act she did before Kevin could get her to return to her bed was to rip off her necklace, Kevin's gift and sling it at the petrified Cindy.

"I have been wanting Kevin to blow up at me for months. To rage against what I did. I am so glad you didn't. If you were anything like your mother then ..." Her voice trailed off as she shuddered again.

"Why do you think we always had problems? I always admired my dad for his cool. He could get through things."

"But," interrupted the Doctor, "your cool almost let your pain eat you alive."

"I guess I just have to really work on getting a better balance, stop trying to be my dad and let more of my mom out." Kevin turned to Cindy; "You think you can deal with me being a little more like her, a little less controlled and more ... volatile?"

"Your mother is a wonderful person, just like your dad was," Cindy squeezed his hand. "I just want you to be you. And if that means having to put up with the Brock temper well then that is what it means."

"God help us if our kids have it too," Kevin laughed, not knowing the joy his simple words brought to his wife.

They drove back to their house listening to the radio and laughing at old eighties hits.

After they parked, Cindy exited the car laughing.

"I can't believe you remember that one! And every line!"

"They weren't that bad ... and you didn't her me making fun of you for singing those New Kids' songs now did you?"

"No but you where humming along."

"No I wasn't!"

"Oh yes...my husband a New Kids On The Block fan!" Cindy joked before seeing the flare in Kevin's eyes, "Oh no. ...Whatever you have in mind...don't you dare," Cindy retreated as he moved towards her, "no stay back ah!!!!"

Cindy raced though the garage getting to the internal house door before Kevin but before she could close it, he reached the door.

"Open this door missy, it will go a lot better for you if you do."

"Oh no ...no you don't I won't let yo...eek!" Cindy screamed as Kevin forced his way into the kitchen. She retreated from him playfully, stumbling to her backside over a chair left out.

"I always tell you to push your chair in but do you listen? Noooooo ... And look at you. Your make up is all askew. I guess we have to clean you up."

A sadistic gleam came to Kevin's eyes as he stopped at the sink. To Cindy's horror, he turned the water on and got out the spray hose.

"Oh God no this is a new dre ... AHHHH!" Kevin drenched Cindy, as she scrambled out of the room.

Panting Cindy decided to taunt him from the living room. "Ha! Can't do anything now can you! Your hose is too short!"

Her laugh was short lived as she heard the door to the refrigerator close.

"That is why my dear I have to be more crafty than everyone else," Kevin replied entering the room, carrying a pitcher of water.

"Where did you get that?"

"Oh I didn't like the temperature of the water so I started placing a pitcher in the cooler every night." Kevin's eyes gleamed, "Now come here...." 

Kevin chased her around the room before she was able to knock the pitcher out of his hand at the recliner.

"Oh I'm sorry I'll...." Kevin's lips pressed against hers, cutting off her words. 

Kevin slowly wrapped his arms around his wife and lowered her into the recliner. He started to kiss her face as his hands reached for her bra. 

"Kevin let me help," Cindy gasped before she quickly tore off her shirt. As his barrage of kisses returned to her face, she freed her breasts.

Kevin made his way down her face, to her neck, then he started to kiss and tease his way down her chest, before he suddenly stopped.

"Kevin.... what" Cindy panted.

"No."

"What?" Cindy could feel the tears start again.

"I said 'no'," Kevin looked up at her, and then the serious look was replaced with a sly grin.

"You get to go first this time." Kevin lifted himself up.

Cindy's eyes dried up.

"Oh but those have to come off, mister," she said, pointing at his pants.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Kevin removed his slacks and boxers. When he was finished, Cindy got up and motioned for him to sit.

As he did, she rested on her knees in front of him. She bent her face to his legs and started to kiss her way up his leg beginning at the knees. Encouraged by the little moans he gave, she worked her way to his balls kissing and sucking on then before licking her way up one side then down the other of his now engorged cock. She rose up one more time and bent her head down to take him in.

"Wait."

Cindy's heart pounded as she waited for what was coming next.

"Look at...look at me while you do it."

Cindy looked at her husband. " Are you sure? The la.."

"Cindy ... we have to get past all of this. We have to learn to be together...I have to learn. I wa ... I want you to. We need to learn about each other, again."

"Yes again," Cindy hisses. She smiled at her husband as she started to take him in her mouth.

"Oh yes, like that. Oh... I love you ... I love you so much..."

"OUCH! WATCH THE TEETH!"