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When Words Wander

By: Joesephus



This is NOT a stand alone story! There is no sex in the story. I've tried to make it realistic, so don't expect Jonathan to have been a former SEAL able to visit vengeance on Susan and Rich. While I'm going for a different ending than Nici in her "Something to talk about" and "Between Two Lovers" I've tried to keep the characters as she wrote them. That doesn't mean I see their actions the same way. I have the Nici's permission to write this ending. Indeed, she's been a wonderful help in understanding the characters involved. I've done my best to keep them as she created them. I have made a few minor changes, for example Joey is a girl and the location is Austin, Texas and not Denver, Colorado. If you haven't read the story, "gird up your loins," because it's a heart breaker. Mine begins after Nici's "Between Two Lovers Chapter Two."



When Words Wander



"Since we're going to sign an agreement not to go to court, you might wonder why I'm talking about what a court would do. I want you to understand that any agreement we get will be within the range of the best and worst that might happen to you in court.

Jonathan took a deep breath and blurted, "I want to support my kids, but I don't want to give that cheating bitch a dime. Can we do that?"

"No! The only way that would happen is if she agrees to it. That's what 'collaborative' means. If you could prove that she'd abandon the marriage and the kids, you might stand a chance with some of the judges, but she's been a stay-at-home mother. Both you and the kids benefited from that, and it has real monetary value. You've told me how you sacrificed to make it possible for the household to be her 'job.' What sort of message are you sending to your daughters if you change that now? Do you want them to think that being a full-time mother doesn't have monetary value? That's the message you'll send if you try to make Susan suffer because she didn't get a good job outside the home. Is that really what you want to say?"

Jonathan sighed. Not putting the kids in daycare letting Susan make their house a home had been important to him. He wasn't sure when she started her affair--- she said a year--- but when he thought about it, the way the house was before the kids started school and after, it just seemed like she didn't create the same sort of safe place. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he'd thought it... well, he didn't know what he thought. It was just that it was clear that Susan didn't have the house or the family at her core once the kids started school. She'd started taking craft classes and getting involved in all sorts of civic project instead of focusing on her family's needs.

Jonathan had accepted it as part of life. Like everyone, Susan had grown as she got older. He'd hoped she might get a part-time job so that he wouldn't have to pull so much overtime, but he had to admit he felt a certain pride that she was able to get involved in society things like the wives of their rich neighbors.

Now, a bit shamed, Jonathan looked at Mark in his expensive suit. "I'm not too good with words. I think that's one thing that scares me about all this legal stuff. I'd bet on myself in a bare-knuckle brawl with money, marbles or chalk, but I'm not good with an argument. I don't even have a good answer days later. I'm the guy all those greeting card companies had in mind when they wrote that stuff. I've spent hours picking out a card for Susan or the girls on special occasions, or just when I wanted to tell her I loved her, because I could never find words like that in myself.

Jonathan's eyes locked with the lawyer for several long minutes as the two men took silent measure of each other. There wasn't any tension, just a lively non-verbal discussion. Finally Mark's mouth twitched, hinting at a smile. "I understand, words and phrases are easy for me, but if I had to fix my car I'd be using a horse. Like the Good Book says, we each have different gifts. A society needs all of them if we're going to be successful. If this divorce were to go exactly as you wanted, what would it look like?"

Jonathan hadn't given this a lot of thought. "I've been looking and I found a job on an offshore rig on the Gulf Coast. They work two weeks on the rig and then they give you two weeks off. Even with all that time off, I'd be making more than I am now. I could pick up part-time work here, but I'd only do things that would allow me to be home when the kids aren't in school. I know girls need their mother, so if we could split their time so they lived with me half the time and the rest with their, mother that would be fair? I don't need much to live on, especially if I'm on a rig half the time, so I think I could probably give the kids 75% of my take-home after taxes. The rest would be enough to get a little place, make my car payments and such... would that be fair? But I don't want a penny going to support Susan!" 

Mark smiled, "Under Texas law, you'd max out at 30% of your assets, basically your salary, for child support, and three years spousal maintenance." Mark paused and steepled his fingers under his chin for a bit then said, "How long do you think you'd want to work offshore?"

Jonathan shrugged, "I hadn't really thought about it. I don't want to work out there at all. I like Central Texas, it's close to my family, but I didn't see any way that I could work here and still have any time for the girls. Especially if I have to work even more overtime to pay for an extra place. I'll be too tired to spend any time with them. 

That's why I'm going to work off-shore. My understanding is that oil companies get more than a month's worth of work out of you in the two weeks on the rigs but you're free the rest of the time. The benefits look good and by working part time here, I can start to put something away for the girls to go to college."

After a few seconds thought Jonathan continued, "But I don't want the girls to think I love work more than them, and I want to see them grow up. You know? Susan is always saying I just sit around watching TV and drinking beer, but I listen to what's going on too. Susan was always telling me about what the girls were up to. Like as not, Cindy and Joey would come sit on the couch with me and talk too. They'd tell me all sorts of things about what was happening to them. Stuff I never talked about with my parents. I never said much, I'd just listen mostly. I mean I'd give them advice, and I never forgot that I was their dad and not their best friend. But it was just so neat to see how their minds worked and to watch them becoming smarter and more grown up. Cindy would talk about boys and what her friends were doing. I was part of their lives you know. I don't want to lose all that. I want to be able to spend time with them and not be a stranger who takes them to dinner."

In a very quiet voice Mark asked, "Where are the kids going to live if you don't want to help Susan live in your house, and you only have an efficiency? When you're on the rigs, they can't live at home without someone to take care of them." 

Jonathan's forehead wrinkled in thought, "I don't want the kids to lose our house... I guess I hadn't thought about any of this. I just assumed that I'd lose everything and Susan would get it. I just don't want to pay her anything. I'll buy the kids gift cards for Luby's cafeteria or any good place to eat, but I don't want to buy so much as milk for Susan's coffee!

Jonathan's lips compressed, "I don't want to pay for her housing either! I want the kids to have the house. I don't mind paying for that, but I don't want her to live there!" He paused looked down at his hands, clenched in his lap. "This is really a mess, isn't it?"

"Some couples agree to share the family home. Sharing the family house sounds good, but in real life it almost never works out. However with you being gone every other two weeks, it might work short term."

Jonathan felt his stomach twist into knots. "It wouldn't be bad if she paid half for it but she can't make that kind of money, and I don't want her to bring that asshole there, or the other assholes she'll pick up. I don't understand that woman, but I don't want my kids to get the idea that it's okay to have two husbands at the same time."

Mark looked over the financials. Since they'd built the house two years ago, the market had declined slightly, and most of the twenty-thousand they'd paid down would be lost to the 5% realtor's commission. They didn't have any savings beyond his 401(k). Splitting the assets would mean selling the house, which would hurt the children. If this went to court there was a good chance that Susan would gain full control of the house until the kids were grown. Jonathan would then get half of the profit when it was sold.

Mark had seen something like this in most cases. It was especially tough when one spouse was a stay-at-home parent. "Once you're divorced, you won't have any say about how she lives her life. However, if it's your house, if you're covering all the costs, you can have a say about what can happen there.

"If we could figure out a way to get her cash for her share of your assets..." his voice trailed off in thought. "Would you consider letting her live in the house during the periods you're on the rigs for a time. The free rent might serve in lieu of some support, at least until she could find a job and begin supporting herself?

Choking off a bitter laugh Jonathan said, "Susan won't ever go to work, all she wants to do is to be a wife and mother. I wasn't enough for her so she had to go find someone else to be a wife to, she'll do the same thing again. I shouldn't have to support her while she shacks up with whatever number of men 'need' her as a part-time wife."

Jonathan paused, as he realized that he'd stumbled into a new understanding of Susan. "I don't understand that sort of thinking. I only want one woman. I'll give her everything I have, all of me. Isn't that what we promised each other at our wedding? 

"I mean I don't smoke, I have a good job, before this happened I don't remember the last time I drank enough to have to worry about passing a DWI test. I don't gamble, I'll bet a few buck on a game, but never more than a five here or there. Hell, I don't even buy lottery tickets 'cause the odds suck. I don't chase other women, and I've sure as hell never raised a hand to any woman, much less Susan.

"I've thought real hard on this, but I've never thought about it this way. It wasn't just that she felt the need to have sex with another man; it was that I wasn't enough of a husband for her. She wants more than me...

'That's why she had to lie to me. I might not be enough man for her, but I'm too much of a man to settle for half a woman. It's like playing poker where I bet a hundred but she only puts fifty in the pot. She wanted us both, that means she's going to want more than that asshole can give her too. Why would any sane man... " Jonathan clamped his mouth shut and gritted his teeth. It went against his grain to bad mouth others who weren't there to defend themselves. As much as she deserved it, his daddy had taught him better.

Mark looked expectant and let the silence stretch. For most people, expectant silence becomes intolerable and eventually they'll let things slip out they hadn't intended, just to break the silence. When it was clear that Jonathan wouldn't say anything else, he asked, "What if we put into the agreement that you never have to see Susan, that she'd have to wait until you were boarding the plane before she could come to the house, and she'd have to leave before your plane landed here?"

There was a tiny light of interest in Jonathan's eyes and he asked, "Could I say that she'd have to live in the basement, where I've been living? Could we also say that she couldn't move the furniture or change things? She was always moving things around, buying new things and decorating the house. If it was my house I wouldn't want her messing with my stuff. She'd be like a guest there. Could I do that?"

Mark suppressed a sigh, his job was always hard, but this looked like one of the tougher ones. He had to keep reminding himself that he was only hearing one side, but his experience told him that Jonathan was being as open as he was capable of being. He knew scores of women who would give their right arm for a man who gave as unreservedly as Jonathan. A man whose integrity was such that what you saw is what you got. He was what the world used to call a "plain" man and it was meant as high praise. It was cases like this one where Mark's old competitive juices kicked in, he'd have to watch that.





When Words Wander



Jonathan blinked so hard he was sure the neighbors could hear his eyelids snap back open. Little Cindy was the reason his gun hadn't worked? She'd known? How could she have known, when he'd had no idea that it might happen? Once he'd had a chance to think about what he'd almost done, it had shocked him to the very fiber of his soul. It was just that hopelessness, and the thought that his kids would be better off with him dead. He'd been overwhelmed and he'd had no one to turn to. Still, he couldn't let his daughter know how weak he'd been. The burden of what he'd almost done was his and his alone. His mind raced, he wouldn't lie, but what could he say.

"I wondered what happened to the bullets. The gun wouldn't do much good in a burglary if it wasn't loaded."

Cindy didn't say anything else but she looked reassured as she left the room.

Jonathan sat back on the bed and thought about what Susan had written. For the last sixteen years Susan had been where he stored his vulnerability, sure that she would protect his soft underbelly behind the shield he used to keep the world at bay, sure she'd protect him as he always tried to protect her. Having read Susan's story, he was dumbfounded. First, he'd had no idea that she had so much talent as a writer, and second, he couldn't understand how he'd ever thought that he knew her.

During their time getting ready for that first meeting, Mark had repeatedly talked about how important communication was for the collaborative process to work in a divorce. It had taken hours of skillful questioning by Mark to gather everything Jonathan wanted the lawyer to know. Yet Susan's words just seemed to flow off the page. Why hadn't she ever told him how she felt or what she wanted?

She must have known at some deep level how repugnant it would have been to him.





When Words Wander



"Let me give you another example. Jim is an incredible driver. He has fighter pilot reflexes, depth perception and peripheral vision. He's never been in an accident, but he drives like a fighter pilot! So, when we're in the same car, I drive. I'm not as good a driver as he is, but riding with me doesn't scare him, like it does me when he drives. 

"The first time I heard him teased by other pilots about letting his wife wear the pants in the family and drive, I wanted to tear into them. It didn't bother him at all. He's strong enough to be teased because my peace of mind is more important to him.

"We're both strong people. We're strong enough to not need to get into ego battles over what stereotypes say our roles should be or shouldn't be. That's true for the old gender stereotypes or the new ones!

"My God, woman, did you have any understanding of your husband at all? What sort of man did you think you'd married? I read your journal and I have to say I don't think I've ever met the sort of man you expected him to be. I expect my husband to treat me as his equal. I'd rip him a new one if he didn't treat me with the respect I'm due."

Laura leaned forward and lowered her voice to make her words carry force, "And I expect him to treat me the same way. He's my equal too! One of the things that makes my blood boil are feminists who want to replace the old male superiority with female superiority, or putting down men. Jim and I are different, but different doesn't mean superior or inferior, it just means different. We're like a beautiful picture that has two halves. If that picture had been cut cleanly down the center there would be nothing to hold us together. Instead we're like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I have indentation and protrusions where he has protrusions and indentations. It is our strengths and weakness that make our picture hold together. 

"I give my husband what he needs and I don't count the cost. My picture, my world is incomplete without him. What did you give Jonathan? I could give you example after example using your own words where he gave to you everything he had, but nowhere in your journal did I see you give him anything. Hell, you moan and groan about what he isn't giving you, but you didn't even give him your full attention. You didn't give him the sexual excitement you knew he wanted and that you were willing to give Rich. You didn't give him emotional support, and instead of getting a part-time job so he wasn't working himself to death to give you the comfortable life you wanted, you took a lover so you could give to another what you weren't willing to give to Jonathan. 

"I don't know if you are hearing me. This isn't legal advice; it's one woman speaking to another. You owe Jonathan. It's clear from your writing that you never put Jonathan more than fourth in your life. You came first, I hope your kids came second, Rich came third. If you have any character, you'll do your best to try to ease his pain, or at the very least do what you can to stop piling more pain on him."

"How?" Susan pleaded, "He won't talk to me and, living like we are is starting to hurt the girls."

"Susan, if you were Jonathan, would you want a woman like you in your life?"





When Words Wander



Jonathan swallowed hard, "Is there anything I can do to help? I don't want to butt in, but..."

"Still the noble knight? Oh don't get upset, I meant that in a good way. That's what I called my husband too. His birthday is the same day as Cindy's, that's why I remember it. I'm trying to find something for Mom... his mother. We're still very close. I go to all the family functions, and I've sworn I always will. Lance was killed in Afghanistan about a year before I met you."

"I'm sorry, I know he must have been special, the best ones always die young... uh, I'm sorry, I was in the service before I got married. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. It really sucks."

Her expression softened and Jonathan saw something in her eyes, almost like she was appraising him. Then she said softly, "Yes, the good ones, they do die young, and it's so hard to find real men these days. Men who aren't afraid to be men...

Epilogue: 

"Mom!" Nancy demonstrated she'd gotten her mother's linguistic skill as she added a truly impressive number of syllables to that moniker. "Is it a law that bridesmaids' dresses have to be this ugly? I swear, when I get married my bridesmaids will look great!"

Flopping onto her bed she continued, "Do I really have to go to this wedding? Couldn't we have an emergency? I don't want to have to..."

"I will not stand for that attitude in this house! A wedding is a happy occasion. You will not ruin this day, do you hear me?"

"But Dad," said with an equal number of syllables, "This is the third time I've been her bridesmaid since you and Mom got married nine years ago. I suppose I should be happy I'm old enough now to stop being her flower girl." Seeing his look, she blushed slightly. She never would have vented if she'd been aware that her father could hear her. She stood back up and walked over to Janice, hoping he'd wander off now.

Janice squatted down to pin the hem so she could sew it later, "Jon, we have this under control. It's the sacred right of a bridesmaid to complain about her dress; she wasn't breaking your rule about saying anything negative about Susan. It's just wedding nerves. Remember how you felt when Cindy got married?"

"That's right, dad, it's just the dress. I'm really glad mother finally found someone. Maybe this one will last." As Jonathan left, Nancy giggled at her step-mother. When she gained her composure she asked, "Would you like me to stand on a chair? When I see you squat like that I'm afraid my brother's going to pop right out!"

Janice patted her belly, "I should be so lucky, I'm told the first child is a nightmare." Her expression turned wistful, "I do hope your mother will find what I've got with your father."

Nancy took Janice's hands in hers. "Dad was lucky to find you. We were all lucky to find you. There's a reason we call you Mom and her, Mother. You've taught us all of about what a strong woman is by how you've been there for him. Dad's not that good with words but when I catch him looking at you, I know he thinks you're his perfect woman." 

Nancy bit her lower lip and squirmed for a few seconds, then asked, "Janice? I love my dad, and I think he's the greatest. But... well, I mean you're a beautiful, a lawyer, you've got all those awards, I know you make more money that daddy. I know some of your friends have got to think you married down..."

Janice's eye's flashed, "Not if they're friends of mine, they don't! Look, no one can take credit for their intelligence or whatever their gifts are. You're born with those, God gave them to you; you didn't earn them. The marketplace decides what those gifts are worth. The market is not always fair. Why do singers make more than teachers? The only way to really judge a person is by what he does with his gifts. Your father is the world's best mechanic, period. He became that because of his character, his heart and hard work. Be strong enough to never settle for the mediocre in one field if you can have the best in another. It doesn't matter whether he's the best judge or the best janitor. The best in his field is always something special.  

"Oh, and don't be so sure about who makes the most money. People will always pay for the best. Besides, even if you're just world's the best hamburger flipper, odds are you will end up owning franchises. Just look at your dad. Now that he has his own shop you might be surprised at how much he makes. The world will build a superhighway to the door of a good, honest mechanic. I'm a very lucky lady to have found your father. It's been my goal to be the best wife, and the best mom..." Dropping her voice she continued, "You girls were so great, it was so easy. But I'm scared about having to start from scratch with an baby boy."

Nancy swallowed several time to clear the lump in her throat, then continued in a light tone, "There's only one man like Dad... okay Cindy got lucky too, but they don't make them like Dad anymore. I know I've been kissing a lot of frogs recently."  

Janice stood and with a gentle smile said, "You're lucky, you know what to look for in a man, your dad's taught you that. There are good strong men out there. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference in a warrior, from a bully, or a bragging blowhard, but if you take your time you can separate the wheat from the chaff. Your dad showed me what kind of man he was when he and your mother were separating. I knew it would take him some time to be ready to move on, but I kept my eye on him. You don't want to let the good ones get away. I didn't plan to meet him in the card section of a grocery store, but when he tried to cheer me up, I knew it was time."

Nancy's face turned serious again, "You never know who's watching you, do you? I mean if dad hadn't been all noble during the divorce, he'd never have gotten you, would he? I know some of the good ones my age haven't finished growing up yet. You've also convinced me that they're worth waiting for, and I will. I'm so lucky that I have you in my life. You've taught me how to be the sort of woman a strong man needs. I love you, Mom." 

Nancy placed her hand on Janice's stomach and felt the baby. "Don't worry about him because you are the world's best mom... until I'm ready to claim the title."

The baby gave a stomach rippling kick and both women smiled.

"I love you."

The End