73 comments/ 80565 views/ 17 favorites What Could Have Been By: StangStar06 Hi Folks.Things got a bit heated in the comments last week didn't they?...Well relax this story is another shorter one but it should be a lot less controversial. This one is just a bit longer than last week's story so it's another shorty. That actually happened because we're working on a longer, darker story that there just wasn't enough time to finish this week. So at the last minute, I just wrote this story. This one besides being shorter was written and edited in less than 24 hours due in large part to the extremely great editing under pressure done by the incredible Mikothebaby.Enjoy! SS06 * * * * * * There are some things you just can't or at least shouldn't take home. I pulled my 2012 Mustang GT into the parking lot behind the bar in search of a few moments of relaxation. I was still so pissed off from the pressures of the day that I'd have felt bad about taking any of that anger, home to my lovely wife. She had enough stress in her own life trying to raise our three terrifying young boys. She didn't need me adding to it. When I get home I should be happy and ready to spend time with her, not vent the frustration that had built up after 8 hours plus of dealing with assholes. As I walked into the slightly darkened bar, some of the regulars greeted me. This was one of those places where everybody knew your name and you were always glad you came. It was one of those friendly neighborhood bars and to be truthful it was only a couple of blocks away from my house. My main problem was dealing with the union reps. It was almost like their entire existence revolved around slowing down production. Maybe in their minds, the more they could slow things down the better it was for their people. I wish just one of them was smart enough to realize that the slower they worked, the less money we made, and that trickled down to them. When they asked for things like increases in wages or benefits, it was hard to justify it when profits were down. What a bunch of morons. And they were all so self-important. There wasn't a single team player among them. If I didn't have a mortgage and two car notes and my three spoiled kids, I'd walk the fuck out the door and never look back at that place. But who was I kidding. I was locked in. My job paid me very well and the actual work I had to do managing the plant wasn't very hard. The economy was also so bad that if I did walk out of there I'd have trouble getting another job on that level and there were so many guys out there who'd give their left nut to replace me. My mother didn't raise any stupid kids so I'd stay and put up with it. I raised my arm and the pretty barmaid whose name I never could remember brought me a cold Dos Equis amber. Before I'd even taken a sip of the first one, I asked for another. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I drink a fuck of a lot of it. As I took the first pull on my bottle and looked around the room I saw a woman going from table to table. Most of the guys were shaking their heads and she'd move on to the next table. I knew she wouldn't last long in here. The owner, Murray, liked to run a clean place. Women could drink and hang out here just like anybody else, but he didn't allow pros to work in his bar. When she got to the last table, she started to head for the bar. Her body looked like it had been spectacular at one point, but time and hard living had turned things sour. Her breasts were still nice but she walked slumped over as if the weight of the world rested on her thin shoulders. Life had given this woman a beating. I immediately felt sorry for her and I hadn't even seen her face yet. When she got a couple of stools down from me, I heard her ask the guy sitting there if she could sit down. In bar slang, a woman asking if she can sit down or asking a guy to buy her a drink carries an implication with it. And most of these guys, like me, who were happily married, would never take her up on an invitation like that. It sounds innocent and innocuous, but one thing can quickly lead to another. And soon you find yourself sliding down a slippery slope that ends up in a place that you don't want to be. As I sat there drinking my beer and letting all of the tension melt away, she drew closer and closer to me. She had to be pretty damned desperate to just go from stool to stool propositioning every man in a bar. Just before she got to me, Murray's voice rang out. "Hey you, get out of here. And don't come back. I run a clean place. I don't need any pros working out of here. My customers come here to drink and to relax. They don't need or want anything else." He flipped on the Lions preseason football game and stalked towards his office in the back. That had been pretty harsh. She'd been working steadily but quietly through the bar. She hadn't been overt about it and she didn't have on tons of make-up or a dress that showed off her boobs or her ass. I had to hide a smile, but I was also pretty relieved that she got tagged before she got to me. To tell you the truth, I'd never actually spoken to a hooker in my entire life. I began to wonder if I was really glad that she hadn't reached me, or if I was a little bit saddened. What would she have asked me? What would I have said in response? Would being near her have filled me with revulsion? Or would I have been just a little turned on? "Sorry," she said to Murray's rapidly receding back. "A girl has to make a living." All of the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. The voice was older and sounded like she'd been through hell and back, but now I recognized it at once. She looked at me and her mouth dropped open at the same time mine did. Our eyes locked and recognition gave way to remembrances. I was taken back to the first time I ever saw her. I was in the tenth grade. Boy what a kid I was. It was the middle of the school year when she walked into my class. I can still remember my teacher, Mrs. Ethel Mertz introducing her to the class. "Tell them your name, honey," said Mrs. Mertz "Felicia Thomas," she said shyly. I went into a swoon. Her voice was so musical that it sounded like she was singing. Her face looked like she was halfway between being an angel and being a pin-up girl. I was in the tenth grade so during our time we were pretty innocent. There was no sex going on, at least none that I was involved in or knew about. Sure we knew about it, but no one had done it. Nice kids just didn't do things like that in my day. There may have been one or two kisses exchanged occasionally on someone's front porch. But that was it. Up until Felicia showed up, everyone knew who the pretty girls in our class were, but we didn't really investigate the way they were built. Perhaps it was just the fact that we'd all grown up together and gone through school together so most of the girls in the class developed slowly in front of our eyes. But from the first second that I saw Felicia, I knew why women were built that way. Of course, with me being on the smaller side and the smarter side and also the quieter side, I never really got a chance to speak to her much. I was, however, just as much a member of her fan club as everyone else. The jocks tried to impress her with their athletic prowess and their aggressiveness. The cool guys and the slick guys tried to impress her with their coolness or their schemes, but she didn't seem to bother with any of it. I observed everything she did through the tenth, eleventh and half of the twelfth grades. The summers were the worst time of the year for me. I hated summer vacation and could hardly wait to get back to school to see her. I went to school every day. I memorized her entire wardrobe. Just to show you how obsessed I was, there were several girls in the class that took a liking to me and I ignored them all because of my obsession with Felicia. Kathy Sanders made it a point to tell me how stupid I was. Kathy was a nice enough girl. She wasn't a princess and she wasn't a frog. She was just a nice normal girl. She had a very cute face and a nice body. There was only one thing wrong with her. She wasn't Felicia. If there hadn't been a Felicia, Kathy Sanders would have ruled our school. Not even the cheerleaders could hold a candle to Felicia. Comparing the average eighteen year old girl to Felicia Thomas was like comparing Marilyn Monroe to a Campfire girl. It was almost as if they just weren't the same species. Kathy asked me to go with her to one of the dances and I looked at her like she was crazy. I didn't mean to be offensive, but the thought of dating anyone except Felicia was foreign to me. I didn't even know what to say to her. There was an embarrassingly pregnant pause and then she turned red in the face. "So you'd rather go to the dance alone and stare at Felicia across the floor, IF she even bothers to show up, instead of going to it with someone who actually knows you're alive and likes you?" she asked. I think I nodded but I'm not really sure. "What a fucking loser," hissed Kathy as she stomped away, leaving me standing in the hall in front of half of our class. During our senior year, we went on a lot of trips and activities. One of those trips was to Cedar Point, the famous amusement park in Ohio. We had to sit through a two hour long bus ride to get there. I intended to have fun that day. I had a decent amount of money to spend and a few friends to hang out with. We'd already decided everything we wanted to see and do at the park. Little did I know that real life was about to cancel my plans. I was one of the first on the bus and grabbed a seat near the middle of the bus to wait for my friends. I knew that the jocks and the popular kids would all want to hang out in the back and I really didn't want to deal with their shit. I also knew that the nerds and the scared kids would be in the front of the bus, hoping for protection and freedom from the attention of the meaner kids. I also didn't want to be a part of that. The middle of the bus was pretty much just ignored, so that's where I sat. As the bus began to fill up, I saw my friend Mike's mom's mini-van, pull into the parking lot. Mike's mom was a MILF even before they had the term. Her one issue was that she was really disorganized and was always late for everything. But if you took a look at her, you wouldn't care. All she had to do was to smile and everything would be forgiven. She was her generation's Felicia. This time though, they weren't actually late. They were among the last to arrive, but there were still several open seats on the bus. There were two near me and a few in the front and in the rear. I saw my friends Mike and Steve get out of the car and make a beeline for the bus. Just as they got onto the bus, my plans changed. It was as if a hush settled over the bus as Felicia got on. She smiled slightly and several people waved at her. Some of the jocks in the back of the bus made room for her and almost every guy there had his mouth drop open. Okay, I looked too. I couldn't help it. And I'm sure that my mouth had dropped open as far as every other guy's had. But for the past couple of weeks, I'd been paying more attention to things other than Felicia. I was going away to college and I had a job lined up for the summer. I had my whole life ahead of me and it was time to start concentrating on my future and not my fantasy girl. Basically, adulthood had started to beckon me. It was time to put away childish things. Seeing Felicia dressed for a summer outing wasn't exactly a childish thing though. There was just no way to explain it. There were a lot of girls who were dressed almost slutty, but they couldn't hold a candle to her. Felicia had on a halter top, they were the style back then. Most of the girls had on some kind of crop top or halter top. But in Felicia's case, the way her large boobs just rocketed away from her rib cage was dizzying. We aren't talking about the average high school girl's boobs here. They were full and round and just incredible. Her boobs belonged on a thirty year old woman. Her waist narrowed and then veered outwards creating that hourglass shape that never, ever goes out of style. Her shorts were modest, but the legs that extended from them were incredible. Every detail of her body was feminine perfection. Even the male teachers on the bus were drooling. And the female teachers were looking at her just as angrily as the female students were. She walked down the aisle of the bus and then sat down daintily in the empty seat right next to me. I was flabbergasted and so were my friends, who walked up right behind her and were startled when she sat next to me, breaking up our plans for the bus ride at least. Mike smiled at me and shrugged his shoulders, before he and Steve headed for empty seats. As the bus pulled out, I found things to look at out of the window. It took less than five minutes of driving for her to start. "You're going to be kicking yourself tomorrow," she laughed. I had no idea what or who she was talking to so I continued to stare out the window. Hearing her voice, that close to me was intoxicating. "Boy, talk about missed opportunities," she continued. I turned around to see who she was talking to and found her looking at me. I'd spent months and years staring at her from afar. But to see her, this close, was just over whelming. Up close, I could see every tiny line and wrinkle on her face. I could see tiny freckles and imperfections. Her brown eyes had tiny flecks of green in them and they were amazing. All of the myriad differences from one side of her symmetrical face to the other, made her more real. And unbelievably the imperfections only made her more perfect. The strangest thing about it was that she knew. "Girls talk to each other all the time," she said. "I've been told more than once that you spend a lot of time staring at me." Oh yeah, she knew. And unbelievably, she was okay with it. "Why?" she asked. There was really no need for words. The look in my eyes said it all. We just looked at each other for a very long moment that seemed to last forever. "Oh," she said. I felt like Icarus. I was simply too close to the sun. I had to avert my eyes and look away from the flame or melt from its fury. As I tried to look away she grabbed my chin and held my gaze. "No," she smiled. "I need you to get used to seeing me. We're not going to have much fun today if you can't get comfortable with me." What the hell was she talking about? We? Did she actually mean her and me? How the hell would that work? She was this goddess and I was just a regular Joe. It simply would not occur. The heavens would not allow it to be so. "Can I ask you something?" she asked. "Of course, anything," I said. "Why haven't you ever spoken to me?" she asked. I turned red all over again. I started to look away again to cover my embarrassment and she pulled my face back in line with hers again. "I guess I could have tried to say something to you too," she said. "But you're so damned smart, you glow. You know the answers to all of the questions all the time. How does anyone do that? Did you know that most of the girls in our class think you're cute and everyone knows you're going to be successful some day? You're going to have the big house and the long car and all of that stuff." "Uh unh," I stopped her. "I'm definitely always going to drive Mustangs." "Like all of the pictures in your locker?" she asked. I blushed again, "Yeah I do some watching of my own," she smiled. Then she did it. She flipped the arm rest between us up and pushed it between the seats and turned our seats from two separate seats into one longer one. Then she took my arm and wrapped her own around it. She dropped her head onto my shoulder and closed her eyes. I felt so many different things at that moment. On one hand, I felt strong and confident for once. I felt as if I had to protect the most precious thing in the world from all comers. On the other hand, I felt like I was going to explode with happiness. At the same time, her big soft breasts were being pushed into my arm and I had the biggest, most embarrassing erection of my life. I felt like everyone on the bus was looking at it. In actuality though, it was only one person. Kathy Sanders was staring at us and she had murder in her eyes. Once we got to the park, I gently shook Felicia awake. Her smile as her eyes opened gave my heart wings. "Are we there yet?" she asked. The slight huskiness in her voice endeared her to me even more. As we got off the bus and entered the park, she refused to let go of my arm. I watched everything and everyone around me. For some reason, my curiosity over how all of my classmates viewed seeing Felicia and me together overwhelmed my desire to look over the park. I saw and heard several different reactions. From curiosity on the faces of many, to a thumbs-up reaction from my two best friends who were clearly happy for me, and bore me no ill will for standing them up. Perhaps the strangest reaction at the time came from Kathy Sanders. I actually heard her utter, "Fucking bitch." I was too happy to try to figure out what her problem was though, and Felicia and I settled down to the business of having fun. We rode the rides, starting out with some of the really fun rides and working our way up to the big scary coasters that Cedar Point is famous for. Of course, we sometimes had to stand in long lines to get on the coasters like the Blue Streak or the Demon Drop, but even that was special. If anyone had told me that I would like standing in line for almost an hour for a two minute ride, I'd have thought they were crazy. But standing in line with Felicia was more special than the ride. We talked the whole time and I never tired of listening to her talk. We ate, we played games, we walked around and did everything there was to do. We bought souvenirs and T-shirts alike and changed into them. We walked around, holding hands like we'd been a couple for a long time. It was a perfect morning and afternoon. Unfortunately, by mid afternoon I was running short on cash. I'd spent a lot of the previous fall and winter saving money earned by mowing lawns and other odd jobs. Felicia and I had blown through almost one hundred and fifty dollars in just under four hours. We sat around for a few awkward moments and then ran into a group of kids from our school who decided that they were going to get something to eat. Felicia decided to join them. One of the guys had offered to pay for her food. As they walked away, I felt like an egg dropped from the top of the Empire State building. I started out nearly as high as the clouds only to be dropped from those lofty heights to shatter on the cold, hard ground below. I felt awful. In fact, awful wasn't really a good enough word to describe how I felt. I did run into the unlikely quintet of Mike, Steve, Holly, Sarah and Kathy Sanders as a fifth wheel. They all came over to me as I made my death march back towards the bus to spend our last two hours in depression and solitude. "Where's your girlfriend?" asked Kathy snarkily. "She's hanging out with some other people," I said quietly. "When did she decide to this?" she asked. "Let me guess...about the same time that YOU ran out of money, right?" "Don't sweat it Jerry. Just hang out with us," said Steve. "Yeah," they all echoed. "Thanks guys," I said sadly. "But I'm just not up to it. I'll see you on the bus. "Wait, Jerry," said Kathy. I didn't wait to hear what she had to say. I had to get out of there before my friends caught me crying like a baby. As I left them standing there, I could hear them talking. "That's rough," said Mike. "Poor guy," said Steve. "Just watch, I'm going to beat her fucking ass," said Kathy. "Let's go find that bitch." As much as I thought I would, I didn't cry as I sat there on the bus thinking. I did run through a lot of different feelings though. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt too. I guessed that was what it felt like to have a broken heart. But at the same time, as I thought back on it, I asked myself if it had been worth it. Was the pain I'd felt at the end of the day a fair price to pay for the elation with which I'd started? I guess looking back on it I have to say yes; hell yes in fact. Four or five hours with my dream girl on my arm were worth two hours of heart break any day. What Could Have Been As a matter of fact, it was a fitting way to put those childish dreams behind me. I think that everyone, at sometime in their life, is going to get kicked in the teeth and have to pick themselves up. We are measured as men and women, not by our capacity to be knocked down by the ills of life and love, but by our ability to get up from them. I walked away from that heartbreak, bruised and battered, but also stronger and harder, if a bit less open and far less innocent. My good fortune continued as my friends and their new lady friends got back on the bus among the first to arrive. As I pretended to nap, they surrounded me and wrapped me in a cushion of compassion. Less than ten minutes later, Felicia got back on the bus among a group of people from the back of the bus. As she passed by me, dragged by one of the larger guys who had possessively enfolded her in one of his massive arms, she flashed a glance at me. There was a strange emotion written all over her face. I couldn't tell if it was regret or guilt, but I pretended I was still asleep. Over the next few days in school, I heard all kinds of stories about what had happened those last two hours at the park. I heard that Brad Jameson had kissed Felicia several times. I also heard that he had his hands all over her. I pretended that I no longer cared, but in reality, each new story and rumor ripped my heart to shreds all over again. Of course, an environment like a school is relatively small and insular, so inevitably we ran into each other a few times before the school year mercifully ended. And for some reason, the sparks continued to fly each time our eyes met. She often tried to initiate a conversation and I always simply politely nodded and said, "Hello," before shuffling away on some pretend errand before she could actually say anything. There were several times when she tried to corner me, but usually the forces of the universe that had aligned to give us that perfect morning conspired to keep us apart in the form of either Kathy or one of the hulking guys, who, for some reason, seemed to be following her around now. Her last futile effort came on our graduation day. Just as we stepped off the stage, with the fruits of four years of hard labor and maturation, she grabbed me and uttered the words that no man, even a newly minted one who has just broken free of the cocoon of boyhood, wants to hear. "This bullshit has gone on long enough, Jerry," she said. "We need to talk. And we need to do it now before it's too late." I was caught like a deer in the headlights before her seemingly righteous fury. "If there's any talking going on, it needs to be between us," hissed Kathy Sanders. "Get your skanky ass away from him." I took that moment to, in the words of Snagglepuss," Exit stage left," and return to my parents and friends who'd come to see me graduate. We went out for a great dinner and I didn't give Felicia much thought that summer. That summer I worked my ass off. I worked all kinds of shifts and saved enough money to buy my first car. I bought a used 1988 Mustang GT 5.0. It was red. It was hot and it was my next true love and the first of my true loves that was actually true to me. In the last few weeks before I left for college, that car and I really got around. I did hear from my friends that Felicia was desperately trying to find me. In fact, one of the guys who worked across the street from the factory I worked in had given me her phone number. He knew her family and had promised to give me her number. I took it to be polite and simply tossed it away as soon as he left. I still had feelings for her but I realized that things between us were more of a fantasy than anything sustainable. Besides, I considered myself a man of the world even though at almost nineteen, I was still a virgin. My car had given me more self-confidence and I had strong ideas about what I wanted in a woman and though she was still my fantasy girl, Felicia didn't fit the bill in real life. I've often wondered what it was that was so important that she wanted to say to me. I just didn't wonder enough to actually want to hear it. The experience with her had taught me several valuable lessons. Not the least of which was that I needed someone in my life that I could count on through thick and thin, not thick and fat. Any woman who'd run off with a different guy as soon as the money ran out wasn't my type. I left for college without ever seeing her again. I didn't know which school she was going to and I hoped she didn't know anything about mine. Of course, I went to Michigan. It was close enough to actually drive home every weekend or even during the week if I had an emergency. And naturally, I never did make it home until Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. I got so immersed in my studies and my budding social life in Ann Arbor that I just couldn't find the time to make it home. When springtime came around, Mike, Steve and I, all went to Florida together to blow off some steam. We partied hard and had a great time and none of us mentioned high school or anyone we knew there. Summer came and I got an internship at Ford. I was far too busy and too tired to do much other than work, eat and sleep during the week, but I let my hair down on the weekends, within reason. I dated some and hung out with my friends some. No one had seen hide nor hair of Felicia and I didn't care. There were rumors that she'd been in the hospital, but again it simply didn't warrant enough interest for me to even ask about it. Fall found me back at school and occasionally dating a girl or two here or there, but there was really nothing serious in my life except for school and my car. The following summer, I was twenty years old and armed with my Associates degree I got a far better position in a manufacturing plant a few miles outside of Detroit. I was making very good money even if it was just for the summer. I went to a few parties with Mike and Steve. We'd just hear about someone having one and jump into my Stang and head over. It was at one of those events on a Friday night that it happened. I was doing my usual scenery watching and occasionally pretending I knew how to dance when I heard the voice behind me. "Why didn't you ever call me Jerry?" There was no need to turn around. I knew from the sound of the voice who it was and the goose bumps all over my body only served to remind me how I'd once felt about her. But I'd done two years of growing and maturing and I was sure that I could handle her. So I turned to face her and found myself unprepared for her as usual. Sure, I'd gotten a bit taller and put on a few good pounds. My voice was deeper and I was surer of myself, but Felicia...? There was simply no way to describe her. She was incandescent. She was so pretty it hurt my eyes to look at her. If it was possible, her breasts were even fuller and her hips had widened a bit to make her seem more mature, more womanly. Her legs were still curvy and beautiful. As usual, she was simply on a different level of maturity than all of the other girls around us. She was simply a woman among girls. There was just something extra about her. There was also something different about her, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "You know, I thought we had something special." she said. "What happened?" I just snorted. Either her memory was selective or she thought I was stupid. "It was nice seeing you again Felicia..." I began and she just erupted. This time there was no Kathy around to protect me. "I've been kissing your ass or trying to for more than two years now," she screamed. "All I wanted to fucking know is why you bailed on me. Even the worst criminal in the world deserves to know what he's guilty of. Fuck, is it so hard for you to just do me the courtesy of talking to me?" Everyone at the party had turned to look at us. "Fuck you, Jerry. All this time I've thought that you were different. I thought you were something special. I've been holding onto this fantasy about us and I can see now that's exactly what it was..." Her voice was getting louder as she spoke. Finally I just grabbed her by her arm and pulled her outside. She offered no resistance at all. I pulled her out to my car and opened the passenger door and pushed her inside. She crossed her legs and let her head sink back into the thick black leather. She smiled and placed her hand on top on mine on the gear shift as I drove away from the party. I drove to a secluded area in front of the same lake the party we'd just left had been on. But we were alone there, away from nosy people and prying eyes and ears. She smiled at me again. "This is much better Jerry," she said. "Felicia, aren't you worried?" I asked. "We don't know each other anymore. We haven't seen each other in a couple of years or spoken in longer than that. No one knows where we are. What about your friends? They don't even know you left the party. Anything could happen to you." "Jerry, I don't have any friends. I was at the party alone. I went to the party for the sole purpose of seeing you. This is where I'm supposed to be. Besides, you'd never hurt me. You still love me, even after the last two years that we've been apart. We just need to work out our little problem," she said. "What the FUCK are you talking about?" I asked. "We spent part of one day together when we were in high school. I spent the entire morning obsessing over you and buying you shit until I didn't have any money left. Then you ran off with the first available guy who still had some to spend on you. Any feelings I did have for you were burned away then. All I got for my trouble was pain, heartache and embarrassment for the rest of the school year. That and to have to constantly listen to stories about what you did with Brad as soon as you left me. What part of that sounds like love to you? If that IS love, I don't need it." "Is that REALLY what you thought?" she asked. "You're an asshole and a confused one. I didn't dump you for Brad, dumb ass. I dumped Brad for you. Brad was kind of my boyfriend at the time and he'd paid for my trip. I chose to spend that day with you because...You really don't get any of this do you? Maybe I'm the only one who felt it. Maybe you're just like all the rest of them. You're just mesmerized by my titties and don't really give a damn about the rest of me." Her face turned red and I saw tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Here you go," she said. As I watched she started unbuttoning her shirt. "I guess this is all I am." I grabbed her hand and stopped her. "What are you doing?" she hissed. "Don't you want to see them? There's no one around here. Maybe you were planning on fucking me. I hope you have a blanket in your car. I've hear getting sand in your pussy isn't a good feeling." I just looked at her in shock. "I hope you at least won't go around telling everyone after we do it. That's why I don't have any friends now," she said with huge tears rolling down both cheeks. I was shocked. It was all news to me. "And for your information, I didn't leave you at that stupid park. I went with Brad for one reason. I wanted to borrow some money from him so you and I could spend the rest of our time together. Brad was an asshole around his friends. He needed to act like a big shot when they were around, but alone he was okay," she said. "He kept telling me we'd just get on one ride and then I could leave. He could only give me twenty dollars though. I figured it was enough. You and I had already bought souvenirs and all of the rides were covered with our wrist bands. Do you know that I still have that shirt that you bought me? I don't wear it unless I'm feeling down. And, of course, I can't wear it in public..." "Why not?" I asked. She looked at me and smiled while she shook her head. "Jerry, Honey, my uhm attributes are quite a bit bigger than they used to be. Trust me if you were jealous of Brad, you wouldn't want me to wear that shirt for anyone but you," she said. "Anyway, he kept telling me one more ride until I finally put my foot down and went to find you. He came along and when I couldn't find you, I gave in and walked around with him and his friends. And yes, he did try to grab my boobs and my ass, that's what men do isn't it? And that was one of the things that let me know that you were the one I was supposed to be with. Jerry, you treated me like a person. And not only that, but like a person who meant something to you. Even when I rubbed my titties on your arm, I could tell you liked it, but you didn't try to take advantage of me." "That only confirmed what I thought, that both of us had felt when we first looked into each other's eyes. But now I can see that I felt it alone," she said. "I'm sorry to bother you. It won't happen again. This is just another example of me being stupid and jumping to the wrong conclusion. Could you please take me home or at least back to the party? I can probably get a ride back from there or get on the bus. I've been left out on the road once or twice and it's never pleasant," she said. We got back into my car and I drove in silence thinking about what she'd said. During the drive back to the party, her hand crept over to mine, but I didn't say anything. Finally it just came out in a rush of quick words and gasps. "You weren't alone, Felicia," I said. "I've been crazy about you from the first time I saw you. That was two years before Cedar Point. Most of the things you heard about me staring at you don't begin to tell the story. I turned down a chance to go to the prom with Kathy Sanders because she wasn't you..." She put her hand over her mouth and gasped. "No wonder she hated me so much," she smiled. "I guess that's why I was so hurt," I said. "I've never been very religious. I guess you were the closest thing I ever came to worshiping something. So that day at the park was like all of my dreams coming true at once." She blushed and looked away from me then. We were interrupted by a beeping sound from my wrist. "What was that?" she asked. "That was my 'get my ass in bed so I can make it to work,' alarm," I said sadly. "I have a summer job working as the assistant production manager in a plant outside of town. If I can get a job on that level when I'm done with college, I'll clear a hundred grand a year easily, so I need to do a great job so they'll hire me when I'm done with school." "Jerry, can we please start over again?" she asked. "I know I messed things up but I really want us to be together. We belong together." I was taken aback. I couldn't believe she'd said that. Before I could answer, she scooted over in the seat and kissed me. Although it was only a chaste little peck on the lips, I felt like my head had exploded. She squeezed my arm and rubbed those big soft boobs against me just like she had the day of the trip to the park and I melted. All of the things I thought I'd learned just melted away and I was hooked again. "Honey, tomorrow we need to have a serious talk. There's no time tonight, but there are a few mistakes I've made in my life that you have to know about before you give me an answer. I want to be totally honest with you, but Jerry you need to know that I've only ever been in love with one man in my entire life and that's you," she said. I nodded woodenly as she said all of the right things. I dropped her off at her cheap first floor apartment instead of the party and drove off to make it home in time to get a few hour of sleep before work. My Mustang was fast, but I could have flown home on the wings of love and gotten there quicker. All through the next day at work nothing could faze me. I was happier than I'd been at any time in my life except for at Cedar Point. I got off work earlier than I'd told her and even though I stopped off and bought her flowers, I got to her apartment over an hour before I told her I'd be there. I bought her flowers to let her know that despite what she thought, I still cared for her too. Whatever she'd gone through in life wouldn't matter as long as we were together. I figured if I was too early, I'd just wait for her in front of her apartment. I planned for us to go out to a nice restaurant so she could tell me her story in comfort as we ate. I could already see us together in both my mind and my heart. I guess it was like when my father taught me to box. I was so busy looking at things to see how they should go that I tended to lead with my chin. I got knocked on my ass a lot while he taught me to box. I would look my father over for any signs of weakness or holes in his guard and just as I thought I saw one, the canvas would come up to caress my back yet again. I got knocked down a lot while I learned to box. But the lessons I learned would serve me well throughout my life. And so it was that afternoon as I walked up to Felicia's apartment. The neighborhood wasn't the best and I was a bit worried about leaving my Mustang parked there. I figured it would be okay since I could watch it from her doorstep. Felicia didn't have a car, so I couldn't tell whether she was home or not. The only way for me to tell was to knock on her door. So I stepped up to her door and looked in through her window as I started to knock. For seconds that seemed endless, my hand hung there suspended in time and location. I neither knocked on the door nor retracted my arm as my brain exploded. Looking in the window, I saw a stocky older guy. He had a mean expression on his face and a balding head. His lips were fleshy and feminine looking but what he was doing was decidedly male. His lips curled into a smile as he saw me through the window, but he never stopped what he was doing. I guess I wouldn't have either. What he was doing was fucking Felicia. She was on her back and looking at him, so the window I watched through was behind her. She had no idea that I was there. Her legs were splayed apart and she was pumping her hips into him and moaning. His sweat dripped down on her and he moaned and started to fuck her even faster. Her breasts, for the first time I saw them in most of their magnificence although I wish it had been from a different angle. They moved like two large water filled balloons in counterpoint to their frenzied mating. She grabbed his hips conceivably to pull him even further inside of her, although I was sure that if he got his dick inside her any deeper the head of it would come out of her mouth. I could hear them grunting and panting through a nearby window that was partially open to cool the room. "Is it good?" he asked through grunts. "Yes baby," she quickly replied between moans. "It's the best ever." "Who owns this pussy?" he asked obviously trying to send me a message. "You do Honey," she said. "How many times do I have to tell you there's no one else? Ooh baby. Oh. Fuck me Honey. You do that so well. I keep telling you, I've only ever been in love with one man and that's you." She called him Honey, just like she did me. She even used the exact same corny line on him that she'd used on me. I felt like a God damned fool. I pulled out a pen and took the card from the flowers. I drew a line through the part that read, "To starting over," and wrote, "I came over but you were far too busy to make time for me. " I scratched out, "Love Jerry," and wrote, "Goodbye, for good this time." I carefully placed the flowers and card on the doorstep and headed for my car. I guess the boxing lessons served me well. Less than two days after being knocked on my ass, I was back at a party. That second time around although not nearly as devastating as the first, took its toll on me as well. I won't say I became jaded or hard, but I was never as open or as quick to believe in anyone again. No matter how hard women tried to convince me, I was never as easily swayed and never again fell as hard. A few years later, I did meet a woman and dated her for a while. She wasn't nearly as beautiful as Felicia, but then I don't think any woman anywhere ever would be. It took her a while to batter down my defenses but she was relentless. We eventually married and we have the previously mentioned brood of future lady-killers but from time to time I've gone over things with Felicia in my mind. On some of these occasions, I wondered what things might have been like and on others I grit my teeth and almost roar out my hatred for the woman who broke my heart twice. My roars, though silent, are also impotent because deep down inside I know I still love her and probably always will. What Could Have Been I shake my head and clear out the memories and realize that she's doing the same thing. "Jerry, is that you?" she asks. "No, it's not me," I said, getting up to leave. She follows me to the door and grabs my arm as I walk through it. "I know it's you Jerry," she says. "You haven't changed in all of these years and I know you better than anyone else on Earth." "I think there's someone who knows me better," I snapped. "Jerry, I don't want to fight," she said. "It's been what...ten years since you stood me up. I just want to talk to an old friend for a few minutes. There's something I've thought about over and over for the past ten years. I've got my own theories but I'd really like an answer." "An answer to what?" I snapped. As usual she was inching her way closer to me, but this time it wouldn't work. Then she touched me and everything melted away. All of the years that had ensued, the decline of her beauty and her body, none of those things meant shit. She was still Felicia and the feelings I had for her still rushed back all at once. As I looked at her, the stars were back in my eyes and in hers too. "What happened, Jerry?" she asked. "Why did you just leave me flowers instead of coming over? And why did you change the message on the card? At first, I thought that maybe you were still angry at me and had just agreed to come over to get me off of your back. But I dissected that message over and over again and I'm sure you meant the first one when you wrote it. I was sure that maybe someone had told you something about me that made you just decide that I wasn't worthy of being in your life. You broke my heart Jerry." That pissed me off. I snorted derisively and just looked at her. "What?" she asked. She'd moved us over to the bench in the bus stop in front of the bar. As she pulled me down beside her, I was in a fog. She wrapped her arms around mine in her trademark move and trapped my arm against those deflated but still substantial breasts. My dick started to inflate as usual. "I suppose you got married?" she asks. I nodded my head woodenly. "Do you love her the way you loved me?" "Not even close," I say truthfully. "Jerry, we were meant to be together," she says quietly. "I fucked up, you fucked up and it doesn't matter. We are supposed to be together. Do you ever think about what could have been? Do you ever think about what should have been?" I nod my head. "We can still be together one way or another," she says. "We're not dead. We can still have everything we wanted. We can be together until the end. However you want it." "What do you mean?" I said. "I'm married." "So what," she snapped. "You've already said that you don't love her as much as you love me. I'm yours Jerry. I always have been. If you give me a chance I can explain why I'm doing what I have to do. Just give me a chance. We can still be wonderful together. They have this thing they call DIVORCE. You do not have to stay in a situation where you're not happy." She squeezed her boobs against my arm again for emphasis. Then she "accidentally" brushed the front of my pants. "You're wrong there Felicia," I said. "You used to be beautiful but you're well past your prime. And I never ever said that I love you more than my wife. What I said was that I don't love her the way I loved you. It's a different kind of love. It's quiet and solid as opposed to explosive and spiky. I guess the biggest difference is that I can trust her, the way I was never able to trust you. Sure it wasn't love at first sight with us or even second sight, but I know it's permanent." "You want me Jerry," she gushed. "You want me badly. You always did. And Honey you can have me. You can have me whenever you want me, for free. I'll stop doing this. I don't like doing it but I have to make a living somehow and I'm not smart like you are. I just need for us to be together, Jerry. If you don't want a divorce, I'll be your mistress or your lover on the side or just your booty call. I just need for us to be together. I still don't know why you stood me up. It was that jealous bitch Kathy Sanders wasn't it? She told you some lie to make you angry at me didn't she?" I don't know how, maybe it was her suggesting that I either divorce my wife, or cheat on her, but the fog had lifted. "No it wasn't Kathy," I snapped. "I wasn't in contact with her by then. We went to different colleges and she was no longer in the picture during that time. But someone did say something that hurt me pretty badly." "Who?" she asked angrily. "You," I said coldly. "I was so stupid when it came to you that I was already back in love with you. You always did have a gift for just sucking me in and leading me down the path you wanted me to follow. Remember the line you gave me that night after the party. You said that, "I was the only man you'd ever loved." "Of course I remember, it was true then and it's still true now, dummy. No matter what anyone says that will always be true. You're the only man I've ever loved," she said. "I've never told that to anyone else either." "Except the older balding guy who was fucking you when I got to your apartment that day," I snapped. "You told him the exact same thing less than twenty four hours later. And it looked a lot more believable since you were pumping your pussy against him and moaning while you said it." "Oh my God, Jerry," she said. "I never knew you saw that. I'm so sorry I can explain it, if you'll let me." "You always have an explanation don't you?" I said. "You may as well explain nuclear fission while you're at it. And then explain that whole God particle thingy too." "The man you saw me with was my boss" she said. "I had to let him fuck me so I could keep my job. Jerry, I'm not very smart, I've told you that. I was the worst secretary on the planet, but I needed that job. I had to support my son, look." She reached into her purse and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She handed it to me and I opened it. It was the birth certificate for a boy named Jerry. He'd be about eleven years old judging from the date of his birth. "Don't even try it," I said. "I'm not..." "His father," she said. "Of course not. We haven't had sex yet. Brad was his father. But he disappeared when he found out I was pregnant. He died about seven years ago having never seen or believing that Jerry was his son. I named my son after the only man I've ever loved." I was quiet. "What are you thinking about?" she asked. "I was just wondering how many of those birth certificates you have in that purse," I said. "How many names are on them?" "There's only one," she snapped. "Believe it or not, I do love you, you moron. But I just keep fucking things up. Jerry I grew up in a trailer park. We squeezed six people into one tiny assed trailer and I didn't want to grow up that way. I have two sisters and a brother. My parents argued constantly and fought regularly until my dad ended up in jail for beating my mom's ass too severely. They cheated on each other so often that they didn't even bother to hide it near the end." "That wasn't the life I wanted. My brother is serving a life sentence for a murder committed during an armed robbery. Both of my sisters are dead. All three of us were always pretty, but after watching my sisters I realized that pretty doesn't mean shit. Pretty can cause problems. Becky died of a drug overdose. There were always guys who wanted to fuck her because she was so pretty. They always gave her whatever she wanted money, jewelry and drugs, all the way up until she OD'd." "Mary was even prettier. She tried to say straight and live a good life. She was killed by a stalker. The guy loved her from afar until he realized that he could never have her, so he killed her and then himself so they could be together in his fucked up version of Heaven." "Everyone has always wanted to fuck me," she said. "I can look at a guy and see it. So I use what I have to, in order to survive, Jerry. Even back in high school everyone knew that you were smart. I used to watch you and wonder how you knew so many things that no one else did. I knew you'd be successful and have a great life. Then I started to hear from everyone that you liked me. At first I just thought I'd hook up with you and share your life but when I sat down on that fucking bus, I fell ass over tea kettle for you, seriously. As for Brad, I told you the truth, he was kind of my boyfriend, Jerry. I really did ignore him for you. I never used you Jerry, I really do love you. But I do admit to using Brad. It was survival Jerry. I was a teen-aged girl. Brad was rich. If I hung out with him and let him call me his girl, I got to eat. We never had any food in that fucking trailer." "At Cedar Point, I really did ask Brad's dumb ass for money that I could spend on you. Brad is dead but David and a couple of the other guys he used to hang out with still live here in town. You can ask them. They still talk about it. I told Brad I'd do anything he wanted for money. He told me that he'd give me money but because I was his girl. That was when I told him I wasn't anymore and he flipped out. He told me that if I wanted the money I had to ride a couple of rides with him and he fondled me in front of his friends. I didn't care. I just wanted to get back to you, Jerry. You can ask them that too." "When you left and went away to college without speaking to me, I collapsed. I didn't get into any colleges. I didn't have any money to go with if I had and the guy I loved didn't want to have anything to do with me. Brad was always there though. I knew all about sex and believe it or not I was saving myself for you, Jerry. All of this," she said gesturing at her body. "All of this was supposed to be yours." "Brad gradually wore me down by offering me everything he could think of to sleep with him. He kept telling me stories about you buying that fucking Mustang and screwing every girl in our class before you went off to college. He told me that you were probably engaged by that time with all of those beautiful college girls around you. So Jerry, I'm sorry, I gave in. He rented me an apartment and got me out of that trailer." "Even as we did it, I knew it was the biggest mistake of my life. I swore I'd never do it again. And I held out until my rent was due the next month. By the third month, I realized that I was pregnant and my life was fucked. After Jerry was born, I got the secretarial job and Al, my boss gave me his ultimatum. It was a terrible thing to do but I had NO choice. Either give up some pussy or give up the job. Over time, Al started to think that we were a couple. He even divorced his wife to be with me, but that was one thing I wouldn't do. I let him make me his whore, but I wouldn't let him make me his wife. The only person I ever intended to marry was you Jerry." "Al liked me to make it seem like I was enjoying it. He fired me a couple of times because I started to just lie there like a rock and let him do me. There were always newer and younger girls coming along so I did what I had to. But I never meant a word of it. Sometimes...sometimes I imagined that I was fucking you, Jerry. I know we never did it, but I always imagined that it would be tender and loving and you wouldn't treat me like every other man I know has." "Al died about a year ago and I really looked hard for a job. But I have no skills and no one was willing to train me. I know I'm not as pretty as I once was, but that's because I've had a hard, shitty life. My son and I now live in the same fucking trailer park I came from. What a way to complete the circle. I once again had no choice, Jerry. I figured that I was already a whore figuratively, so to become one literally would only be one more small step down the road to damnation." Again, I was speechless. I really believed her. "Felicia, this is a lot to take in," I said. "I need some time to think about it. Can I meet you back here at this same time tomorrow night? Maybe we can work something out." "I'll be happy with anything, Honey," she said. "As long as we can be together. But we've been waiting for too long, Jerry. We could have had our family by now. Tomorrow night I'm going to give you a taste of what you've been missing all this time." She accidentally groped my hard on through my pants and smiled. The next day, I made a few calls and finally got David Tyler's number. I called him and we spent a few moments reminiscing. Then I got down to the meat of my call. He started laughing out loud. "You got really lucky you called me," he said. "She's a whore like she always was. Did you know that she got pregnant and sued Brad to get child support? She had him painted as a deadbeat dad. It got so bad that he killed himself in a car wreck. He was talking to her at the time on his phone and lost control of the car. After he died, she hit his parents up to support their grandchild. They demanded visitation rights and as soon as they had the kid over for a visit, they did the cheek swab for a DNA test. It turned out the kid wasn't even Brad's. She'd been fucking three or four other guys all along." "She always blamed him though for losing you. She wanted to make him pay for that. I guess you were Moby Dick in her eyes, she was obsessed with you. You were supposed to be her ticket to the easy life. I ran into her and fucked her, a couple of times a few years ago. Once she hit me with that line about how she was glad she finally got me because I was the only guy she'd ever loved, I was gone. I heard her use that same tired fucking line on Brad lots of times. Steer clear buddy, she's damaged goods but at least she's consistent. She doesn't even have custody of the kid anymore. Protective services put him in foster care. You can't believe a word she says." After work I went home. I didn't stop by the bar or bother calling either. My wife, the former Kathy Sanders, greeted me at the door with a long kiss as usual. I hugged her to me again and just held her. "Not that I'm complaining but what was that for," she asked smiling. "That was because I love you," I said. "And I love our kids and our life. I was just thinking about what could have been." "What do you mean?" she asked. "You could have stayed single and been a rich, handsome, playboy instead of marrying me and getting me pregnant repeatedly. You could have been free to travel the world and hobnob with the other rich, famous playboys." "I was actually thinking that I could have been stuck with a lying manipulative whore and totally miserable, instead of having a warm and loving wife, a beautiful home and three bratty kids," I laughed. "So you've been thinking about Felicia again, huh?" she said, her face got serious. "Should I be worried?" I laughed for a long time. "No, Honey," I laughed hugging her again. "I'm just glad that I'm with you and our kids. I'm glad that what could have been...isn't" The end * * * * * * Epilogue At a bar, only a short distance away. A woman nursing a drink looks at her watch and realizes that the man she waits for isn't coming. "Oh Jerry," she says. "You always were the slippery one." She shrugs her shoulders then reaches into her purse and pulls out a phone. She dials a number and waits for the call to connect. "Hey baby," she says. "I'm on my way. Of course I'll be there and it's going to be good. Just like it always was. Do you have the money? I feel really guilty about accepting money from you. It just seems wrong. I mean you really are the only man I've ever loved..." What Could Have Been This is a series of stories about experiences with Jill, my first long term girlfriend and sexual partner. They are based on true events except that they are revised into what could have happened if we had been focused differently. If we'd known then how to have a relationship good enough to do the things we could have, then we would have been mature enough to have things turn out this way. Jill was a few years older than me and we learned a lot about sex during the few years we were together. She was nearly as willing to experiment as I was, that is, when she was willing to have sex. And that was not as often as I wanted. But even between times we talked about positions and techniques that we had heard about but not tried. We thought sex could be just for fun under the right circumstances. We talked about what it would be like to do other people we would see walking by, even threesomes and more. Jill had large boobs for her size and she came to enjoy the attention they brought her. She never liked wearing a bra so I always encouraged her to take it off as soon as we left for our dates. Although she didn't always wear revealing tops, I still liked knowing she had no bra. She had an older cousin, Jenny, who spent summers with her ever since their teen years. Jenny was very much into sex. She enjoyed the excitement of a new guy. She claimed to be an expert in the Kama Sutra. I think her mother was a French relationship psychologist. Some of Jenny's attitude influenced Jill because she became much more sexual when Jenny was around. Those two slept in the same bed as they had since they were children, because there was no spare bedroom. Although we wouldn't have sex, Jill and I would still make out while Jenny was there. Late one night, I unbuttoned Jill's night shirt and rubbed her clit while kissing her boobs. Jill was lying on my left arm so my left hand was free. Jenny found my hand and moved it under her shirt to her boobs. I think she was rubbing her own clit while I rubbed her boobs with my left hand. My right hand and mouth were busy pleasing Jill. Orgasms weren't a big event so things just died down. I left without telling Jill about Jenny's activities. Jill was a little jealous when Jenny would walk around in skimpy clothes. I never made a big deal about it but Jill could tell I noticed. So I thought it was best to not mention it. Jill's college class organized a charity golf game and needed Jenny and I to play the next day. Another student, John, who was from our hometown and the roommate of a good friend joined our team to complete the foursome. Jill and I knew John but hadn't spent much time around him. I thought Jenny would probably like him since he was one of people Jill said would be fun to do. But she said there wasn't much attraction, other than that. John was the only one who was decent at the game. He and my friend lived next to the golf course so we met there. It was unusually hot for a spring day. As the game began it became obvious that we had not dressed for the heat. We sucked as golfers but we had fun with it. John was trying to help the girls with technique but it didn't make much difference. The longer we played the higher the temperature climbed. I told the girls that at least John and I can take our shirts off, which we both did. We bragged about how much better it felt with the breeze on our skin. Jenny said the best she could do was to take her bra off. She did that without removing her shirt and stuck the bra in her golf bag. Jill told us she wasn't wearing a bra, but could only tie the shirt up around her waist. Jill wore a flannel button up shirt while Jenny had on a football jersey. John offered to go get t shirts for them back at his place since it was just next door. They would still be shirts but would have to be cooler than what they were wearing. The girls thanked him as he ran off. John caught up on the next hole. He gave each of the girls a plain white man's t shirt. Jill and Jenny hid behind a golf cart to change. I tried to peek but didn't see anything other than their backs. As we finished the game John and I paid more attention to the girls than our game. The view had improved substantially. Jill and Jenny didn't seem to either know or care that we could see through the t shirts. We stopped even keeping score. By the time we finished most people had gone so we went back to John's apartment for our cars. We were all very thirsty so we went in for cold water. The girls took their tops in so they could return the t shirts. After getting us large glasses of water, John sat on a small sofa while the girls and I sat on another small sofa near the door. John fiddled with the stereo as we drank our water. John and I thanked them for their choice of outfits and said we were sorry they had to change back to their normal tops. We also said we hoped they enjoyed our shirtless outfits. We still had not put our shirts back on. We pointed out the fact that we had been undressed that way for much longer than the girls wore the t shirts. Jenny stood up and said she enjoyed our show very much and said, "And here's a little gesture of appreciation." She then took off the t shirt, standing for us to see. Jill hopped up and took her shirt off as well, saying that she appreciated the show also. I was shocked. John and I were didn't know what to say so we just looked. All I could say was, "Wow." Neither made a move to put their other top on. After what seemed like hours, Jill, my girlfriend, walked over to John and sat on his lap with her boobs right in his face. She leaned over and kissed John. I was so shocked, it took a minute to notice that Jenny was straddling me the same way. Jenny kissed me for a long time then whispered in my ear that she had wanted to fuck me since we met. She said, "Relax and enjoy; Jill is OK with this. You might even like the show." I started kissing her all around her boobs and neck as she rubbed herself into my crotch. As she stood me up to take off my shorts, I looked over to see Jill on her knees blowing John. He was obviously enjoying himself, moaning as he laid back on the couch. Jenny pushed me down. I moved around to get a view of Jill as Jenny took off her shorts. She took my dick into her mouth for just a few seconds before sitting on my lap again. She slowly guided me into her. Jenny took her time fucking me. There was no wild humping, only slow moves as she alternated kissing me and putting her boobs in my mouth. Jenny told me to look over at Jill. She stood up and took her shorts and panties off, then pulled John up onto his feet. She sat on the sofa and pulled John down on her, guiding his dick into her. She laid back on the couch with her legs around John and her arms back over her head. She moaned as she took him deep inside. Jenny asked what I saw. I told that I saw Jill having a good time. She then asked what I thought. My response was this was the hottest thing I'd ever done. She then stood up and got on her hands and knees facing Jill and John. She told me to come in behind so I could get an even better view of them. I played with her boobs from the back. Jill got up then put John on his back with his head toward us. She straddled him and guided him in as she looked at me and smiled. She sat straight up giving me the best view ever. I couldn't last long looking at that so I came quickly and even more intensely than normal. It seemed to take hours. We watched Jill and John for a few more minutes before Jenny suggested a shower. She went straight in and waited for me a bit while I caught the last glances of Jill. After soaping each other up I moved around behind her and began rubbing her clit with one hand and her nipples with the other. It didn't take long for Jenny to have such a strong orgasm I had to hold her up. After drying off, Jenny guided me back into the living room where Jill and John were having a rest. Jenny, assuming the role of director, spread her towel out on the floor and invited Jill to lay on it. She then directed John to get down and lick her clit. I started kissing and rubbing her all over. Jenny kissed one nipple while I kissed the other. Within a minute Jill was having an orgasm. She then put John on the floor and had Jill straddle him facing away. She held his dick as Jill sat back on it. Jenny wanted me to stand in front of Jill so she could give me "the best blow job ever." As Jill took me in her mouth Jenny started kissing John. Jill bounced on John which led to another orgasm quickly. I was so horny I didn't last long either. Jenny told Jill to stroke me with her hand as I came, with instructions not to stop until she said. After a few minutes she told her to push upward behind my balls, wait a minute and do it again. I'd never experienced that before but I had to admit that it felt good. It seems that Jenny had done this a time or two. I didn't even notice when Jill got off of John because I had to sit on the couch for a few minutes after that. Jill and I found our clothes and got dressed. Jill put on her original top but didn't bother to button it. We sat and finished our waters just like nothing had happened. It was getting dark so we said our goodbyes. Jill and I got in the car for the 45 minute trip home. Jenny stayed behind to have dinner with John. She would be along later. Jill asked how I liked their surprise. It was one of the biggest and best surprises I've ever had. I loved it. She said it was also fun for her. But since she'd done John, she didn't need to do him again. But she thought Jenny might take care of that. I told her I missed seeing what all she did while I was in the shower. And I wanted to hear about it. But first, there was something we had to take care of. I drove into the parking lot of an old store that was no longer in business. I told her to get into the back seat. I got in the other side and pulled her shirt off. She kicked off her shorts. We had to work quickly before someone saw us so I jumped on top of her. She was still very wet so I slid in easily. We both came quickly before getting dressed again. During the drive I asked her to tell me about the experience and what brought this on. She said that John and I spending the day without shirts was a big turn on. But the biggest thing was spending afternoon showing off in a see through top was very sexy. She wanted to jump me several times before we got back to John's. "But you jumped John," I said. "Well, I had to pay you back for playing with Jenny last night while you were playing with me, right?" So she knew. Jenny had already told her that she moved my hand there. I asked, "Are you mad?" She wasn't. She told me that the two of them had been discussing sexual attitudes. Even before today Jill was trying to get over the guilt associated with sex. Jenny had been explaining that sex just for the sake of sex can be fun if you don't worry that it has to mean something. And it makes for a much more healthy relationship when you get by all of that baggage, she reckons. "Jenny explained the appeal of a new guy every now and then. It's something different to be explored. But you can't hang any more meaning on it other than fun. And it's actually a lot of fun when you can let go of all the needless garbage," she told me. "Jenny was always very comfortable with sex and her body and I wanted I wanted her help in getting past the hang ups I've had about our relationship and sex in general." "Besides, Jenny said you would enjoy watching as long as you weren't threatened. Guys are like that," she continued. "Well it means a lot to me that you want to work on it. And she's right, I liked it. A lot," I replied. "So how was it, really?" She explained that she was amazed how fun it was and how easily she had orgasms. Those orgasms always took a lot of time and effort before. Although Jill found him attractive, there was never a spark between her and John. That allowed her to have fun since it was just sex. She was also surprised because she liked watching Jenny and I. "But the best part is the way it makes you respond to me. It's not a free for all, and it matters who we are with, but it's something we can do sometimes as long as it makes us better instead of worse. We have to be careful not to turn it to a relationship with another person. We do that by being smart about who, when, and where." "When we put on the t shirts I was nervous. Jenny told me that all guys love seeing me like that, so I began to enjoy it. Then when I took off my top and let you guys just look at me I got the nerves again but it was even more exhilarating. Jenny and I had that planned. She suggested that I do John so I could see for myself what she's been telling me. I didn't think I could but the excitement started feeling good. She said that if we are to keep sex alive then we have to think and do sexy things - even if it feels like we are forcing it. So I took a deep breath and went for it. I didn't worry too much about him. I just focused on what felt good to me. I took the attitude that he was there for my enjoyment. Anyway, I decided that the more I enjoyed it, the more everyone - especially you - would enjoy it. When I first sat on his lap I began just rubbing my boobs on his chest. It did feel good. I kissed him to show him I was running things. Then I started noticing how it felt to rub my naked skin on his. It felt even better. By the time he started kissing my nipples in particular I was very much into it. The feelings were almost electric. I kissed around on him. He seemed to especially enjoy it when my tongue played with his nipples. I then moved down to take his shorts off. I noticed how exciting guys' dicks are. I took his in my mouth, enjoying the new tastes and sensations, and noticing all the differences with a new guy. Jenny and I have been talking about the best ways of giving blow jobs. It took a few minutes for him to get hard but I didn't want to overdo things. I noticed that gripping with good pressure made him react more. Also, pressure up behind his balls caused more reaction. I was doing this for my enjoyment so I backed off when he got too excited. I was so horny after all of that, I stood up and took the rest of my clothes off. After pulling him up I sat back on the couch and got comfortable. I pulled him closer and put his dick in me. It went in very easily and I was ecstatic. I think I came just then. It felt good to lay back and let him do me while I watched Jenny attacking you. I rubbed his chest and grabbed his butt and rubbed my legs all around him, all while wondering about all the new feelings you and Jenny were having. I started watching you watch me. I laid John down on the couch and faced you as I sat down on him. When I saw the look on your face I knew it was about you and me and I was in control. I leaned back on his legs to give the best view of me doing him. I noticed you had an orgasm right about then. That wasn't a coincidence, was it?" I told her she had no idea how right she was. That was exactly the reason for the explosive orgasm. "I didn't know watching you do someone else could be such a turn on. I know we talked about it a couple of times, but I'm surprised at how much I liked it." I told her. I told her about the shower that Jenny and I had. And, I couldn't wait to get back to see what Jill and John were up to. "But got back only in time to see you resting," I reminded her. "What did I miss?" She continued, "After you two left, John pushed me down on the couch and got on top. He pushed my arms above my head and held them there as he pumped me. He must have been nervous with you in the room, but he seemed to take more control once you left. As he pumped, I pushed my boobs up into his chest and wrapped my legs around him. He came quickly from that, which caused me to come also. We needed a break for a minute and we didn't even talk about what had happened. That's when you came back. The next part, though, was more intense than I could ever have imagined. It's my favorite part of the experience. I really enjoyed being the center of attention. Of course I liked receiving oral sex, but when you and Jenny were kissing my nipples it just drove me crazy. I don't even know how many orgasms it gave me. Then I got up on my knees doing John again, only this time with you in my mouth. I loved the sensations, especially when Jenny played with my boobs from the back. It was amazing. You coming in my mouth while I was grinding on John gave me still another orgasm. Jenny had some different ideas about what I should do while you were coming. What did you think?" I told her that whatever she did, she should keep on doing. I also observed that Jenny seemed to know a lot about sex. So much so, I suspected she was or had been a professional. Jill told me I was right; Jenny had done occasional stints as both a stripper and an escort when the circumstances were right. She does it not so much for the money, although the money is good, but for the excitement and what she can learn about men. "You've amazed me so much with everything you've done today; it's going to take some time for it all to sink in. But I'm sure I like it." I thought for a minute and asked what else she had learned from Jenny. "The main thing is that sex is not as serious as everyone says growing up. It can be exciting and fun if you want it to be. Or it can be boring. It just depends on what you decide. And if you want to be sexy, don't worry about your body or even what you know. Just think sexy thoughts and do sexy things. Even on your own. Sometimes Jenny reads all those smut books when she's alone to keep sex in focus. She gets ideas from them. She says it's easy to get distracted unless it's your priority. I never thought I would look at that stuff but now, maybe I would." "Well it wouldn't bother me," I replied. "I mean, as long as I get the benefits of it. Today was good, but let's chat before you do any of that stripper and escort stuff. And I wouldn't want you doing anything without me involved. But look at all the sex stuff you like. And share it with me. The point is: keep it for us." As we drove home Jill still hadn't buttoned her shirt. That was nice. As we continued talking we wondered if sex was really so important for a long term relationship. Our parents and grandparents, and lots of our friends acted like sex didn't even exist. The ones who talked about it at all gave us the impression that we were wrong to even want sex. Surely then, other things were more important. Judging from the married people we knew, it's probably unusual for sex to be so important in a married relationship. It's easy to be distracted by all the other things going on in life. Once the sex stops being a priority, it is very difficult, and maybe even impossible for it to return. We guessed so many people cheat on their spouses (and both of us had seen a lot of it) just to get some excitement back into their lives. So why not do whatever it takes to keep the excitement and adventure there in the first place? It appears to be a choice. You can have boring, which may or may not turn out to be risky. Or, you can have fun with your chosen one. So why not fun? As long as it matters to both (and sometimes we don't even know it matters until it's too late), it's as easy to make that choice as the other. Maybe it takes more effort. Maybe you have to get out of you comfort zone (or rut, as the case may be). It seems that it would be worth it. Jenny and Jill talked about ways to keep their own sexual interest levels up. They even started keeping a list. They thought they might write a book about it sometime. Some of their ideas included: Learn what you like in a vibrator then learn to love it. Often. Think sexy thoughts frequently and develop fantasies. If you have them already, think of some new ones. Actually share them with your partner. A slut is not necessarily a bad thing if done the right way. What Could Have Been Read Letters to Penthouse. Write some. Check out the magazines also. Visit sex shops. Make a game of finding things to use for sex in normal shops. Guys think you're beautiful without clothes on. You should think that too. "What other things do you have in mind?" I asked her. "There is a wet t shirt contest in a nearby city soon. I was thinking that might be fun but I was afraid to mention it before," she replied. "There's big prize money for the winner, but of course, I'm looking for another prize from you." "Before today I would have been against it but maybe I'm willing if you are," was my answer. And if that happens, there may be another story about that. We might have eventually found the right words to explain our attitudes. It's taken me a few bad and a few good relationships. Those have included years of experimenting with different kinds of sexual relationships and adventures to figure out what didn't work as well as what did work and why. And the adventures always provide a good distraction when I need it.