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Waking Up With a Monster

By: StangStar06



Hey, Folks. This one is a nice midwinter pot boiler. It's a little bit long and it gets crazy near the end. It's just the thing to keep you entertained during these snowy winter afternoons. SS06 

* * * * * *

I had just finished wheeling the stretcher from my last patient out of the examination room, when it happened. I walked into the control room between the two examination rooms and noticed the look on Rachel's face. Something about her expression put me on edge.

As she hit the switch to expose her patient, I thought I heard her say something under her breath. After the exposure, Rachel looked at her screen. Whenever we worked together, I used the CR room and Rachel took the DR room which she preferred. The DR room was digital, so there was no need to run cassettes. Another advantage was that the images came up on the screen almost immediately. 

For the first time that I can remember, Rachel cursed. She actually whispered the "F" word before going back to the examination room to position her patient. It shocked me because usually Rachel's "F" word is "fudge."

For her to be that upset, it had to be something that she could personally relate to. I began to think that maybe this was one of those cases where she might need a shoulder. I imagined that she was probably doing x-rays on a person that she knew personally and that her images indicated a pathology that might be hard or life threatening. 

While Rachel positioned her patient, I looked at her orders. The woman she had on the table was only twenty two years old. She'd been in and out of the hospital for the past three years. The ER doctor had ordered x-rays on her chest, clavicles, her right shoulder, humerus, forearm, wrist and hand. 

Rachel's images showed several fractures and a peek into the room showed a lot of bruises. The door to the outside hallway opened suddenly. That shouldn't have happened because there was a light just above the door that warned everyone outside that X-rays were present inside of the lab. Anyone with common sense would have realized the danger of being exposed to radiation and stayed out of the room.

The guy who opened the door was probably deficient when it came to common sense. He was tall and thick, with a rat-like appearance. He had more tattoos than sense and looked around for the woman on the table. From his nervous appearance, I got the idea immediately that he was the reason she was here.

"Sir, you can't be in here while the exam is going on?" said Rachel. 

"Are you done? Is anything broken? I want to see the x-rays," he said nervously. 

"Her doctor will go over the x-rays with her," said Rachel. The guy was steadily approaching and had paid no attention to Rachel informing him that he couldn't be in the room 

"I said I want to see the x-rays," he said again. 

"I can't allow you to view them," said Rachel. There was fear in her voice and the asshole, like a rabid dog sensed it and tried to take advantage of it. I punched a code into the phone for our security team and went into the room.

"It's against hospital protocol," said Rachel.

"Rules were made to be broken, right sweetie," said the asshole, backing her up to the wall. "I've been breaking rules since I was..."

I was in the room before he could finish his sentence. Seeing another man come into the room, especially one who was nearly his size changed his entire demeanor. 

"Get out of the examination room, sir," I said. I emphasized the word "sir." I was trying to remain professional. 

"I was just saying that I wanted to see my wife's x-rays," he said politely. "Is there a problem with that? I'm worried about her. I came home from work and she had fallen down the stairs. I rushed her here and..."

I stepped closer to him inserting myself between him and Rachel. "You need to stay home from now on then," I said. "Because her bruises and contusions don't look like they came from a fall." His face got a completely different look then. He was nervous. He was bigger than I am but I'm more muscular. I think he realized that in a fight, things might not go his way. And even if they did, he wouldn't come out of it unscathed. He started to back off.

"As a matter of fact," I continued. "It looks like some big, dumb assed, chicken shit, coward beat the shit out of her. So you should probably stay home with her from now on." He looked towards the exit. 

"I think that the doctors are required to report injuries like those to the police," I said. His face turned three shades paler while I watched.

"Uhm, I'll wait outside in the hall," he said. He turned and headed for the door that he'd just come in through. As he opened it he found the four huge guys from our security team and a smaller man with graying hair, who wore a suit and glasses. 

The security guys came into the room just as he was going out. "What's going on Mark?" asked the first man though through the door. His name was Goren Merpyle, but we just shortened his first name to "Go."

"The guy who brought this lady into the hospital, came into the room during the exam," I said. "He demanded to see the x-rays. I think he was worried about something."

"I'll get a copy of his license and ID," said Go. He opened the door and went into the hall. He came back a few moments later. "He's gone. Don't worry we'll get him." He pulled out his phone and started yelling orders into it. He told the members of his team who were stationed at the doors and in the parking lot to look out for the guy and gave them a description. Then he and the guys who were with him, left the area. 

I went into the hallway with the older gray haired guy, so Rachel could finish her exam. 

"I should have known," he said. 

"Should have known what, John?" I asked.

"This was Rachel's exam and you stepped in, to rescue her," he smiled. 

"John this was an unusual situation," I said. "She doesn't get paid to fight off two hundred pound gorillas. Her job is to get diagnostic images. And she's really good at her job."

"Oh shit, Mark," he said. "Don't tell me you've got it too! I guess I could use a tan, turn around."

"What have I got?" I asked. "Why the hell are you standing behind me?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Rachel thinks the sun shines out of your ass. And you're sitting here telling me how good she is at her job. It sounds like some kind of weird mutual appreciation society."

"Uh, John, can we have a statement from the representative from the sense and sanity department?" I said. "I'm fifteen years older than Rachel. I'm almost old enough to be her father. I'm also happily married."

"There is that," he said. But he didn't sound convinced. "But I'll give you to the benefit of the doubt. So let's talk about what I came here for. You know that I'll be transferring to the new hospital in six weeks. It's time for you to step into management, Mark. You can't hide in an exam room forever. I'll let you pick your own team. The hospital opens in three months. I'm only going to have a couple of weeks for the transition. We're in the interview process right now. All you have to tell me is that you want the job and it's yours."

For a few moments there was an awkward silence between us. "Come on Mark, with your daughter going off to college you're going to need more money. I see this as a golden opportunity for you. I know you don't like changes, but this one would be good for everyone concerned. You can even bring my granddaughter with you. You and Rachel can be a package deal. At least think about it."

"Alright John, I'll give it some thought," I said. I hated lying to him, but there was no way I wanted to move to another hospital. I especially hated the idea of trying to help set up the x-ray department in a new place. I had my mind on all of the arguments and nightmares that would happen during the first couple of years of operation. I wanted no part of that shit. 

"So what were you and my grandpa talking about?" she asked. I turned and saw Rachel behind me. As usual she looked over me and then came to me and made a minuscule adjustment on the radiation badge on my collar. She had to reach up to do it. Rachel was barely over five feet tall. At five nine, I towered above her. 

Her long blond hair was gathered into a long braided pony tail. It descended almost to her rounded butt. Her huge green eyes seemed to always be wide open. I was sure that Rachel had absolutely no idea how beautiful she was.

"We were just talking about the new hospital," I said. 

"Have you made up your mind yet?" she asked. 

"I haven't really given it a lot of thought," I said. "I kind of like it here."

"Me too," she said quickly. "And Mark...thanks for helping me with that guy."

"No problem, Honey," I said. "I'm going to have Go assign a security guy to hang out here, while I'm gone."

"Where are you going?" she asked. 

"Remember, I have to drive Lila up to her college. We're leaving first thing in the morning so she'll have Saturday and Sunday to settle in. Registration is on Monday and her classes start on Wednesday."

"Oh my God, I forgot," she said. "I'm going to miss her. Send her my best. And I'll see you on Monday, right?" 

"Yes ma'am," I said jokingly. 

I threaded my way through the maze of corridors that make up the hospital. By the time I'd made it to the parking lot, it was slightly after five. My little chat with Rachel had delayed me. I saw my Mustang in my spot in the parking lot. Every time I saw the car I smiled. The deep blue, almost purple paint gleamed in the fading sunlight. The twin rolled chrome exhaust tips gleamed brighter than the paint. Everything on the car except for the body panels was chrome. The only exception to that color scheme was my bright red brake calipers. 

Under the hood, I'd detailed my engine as well. All of the support and trim panels were the same shade of blue as the body panels. Even my massive twin screw supercharger was the same shade of blue. The supercharger also had my initials painted on it. 

The supercharger raised my engine to a tire shredding six hundred horsepower. I had to be really careful on the freeway because it was easy for me to let my speed go north of a hundred and forty. The faster I drove the better the engine sounded.

Of course that wouldn't be my problem this evening. Whenever I got on the freeway late, gridlock kept me to a far more pedestrian fifty miles per hour for the duration of the trip home. 

As I predicted my commute ended up taking far longer than the twenty minutes I managed in the morning when the roads were clear. 

I parked in my driveway and went inside of my house. I heard the voices from upstairs and went to see what was going on. 

"Push your butt down on it." 

"Oh, I don't think you're going to be able to get it up." I stood in the doorway and smiled. My wife Katherine was bouncing up and down on my daughter Lila's suitcase trying to close it. I walked in and sat down on the suitcase with her. It snapped closed. 

"Thank you, sweetheart," purred Katherine. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down onto the bed for a kiss. 

"Uh, roughly twenty four hours from now, the two of you will be able to do that all over the house," said Lila. "But can you at least wait until I'm gone to let your hormones take over?"

Kat made a big show of sucking my tongue. "Ewww! That's disgusting!" whined Lila. 

"Oh we're gonna' get far more disgusting once you're gone," gushed Katherine.

"TMI, mom," said Lila. "I don't want to acknowledge what you do to my daddy."

"If it wasn't what your daddy is always doing to me, you wouldn't be here," laughed Kat.

"But you guys are too old to still be doing that," gushed Lila.

"Honey, when you love someone, those feelings NEVER go away," said Kat. "I've been with your daddy for most of my life. Since the day we met in college, there has never been another man for me. You and your daddy are my whole world."

Kat was always saying things like that. And every time she did, it just made me love her a little bit more. 

The three of us spent the evening together. Although it was unsaid, all three of us realized that it was the last time the three of us would do that while we all lived together. Lila was a grown woman now. She was moving away to college. She was still my little girl and she always would be, but at eighteen, she was legally a full grown woman and she'd be on her own at college.

Sure, she'd come home for summers, holidays and some weekends, but for all intents, my baby was moving out. Our lives had entered a new phase. Soon she'd be out of college with a career, then maybe a husband and a child of her own. 

The next morning the three of us were up early for our last breakfast together. After breakfast the two of them got into Katherine's truck and got on the road. And just as Kat had predicted, Lila couldn't get that suitcase up. She was lucky that her mom and I would be going along with her. I followed them in my Mustang. We finished the three hour drive and got there before lunchtime and unloaded the truck, which Lila would be keeping. We were scheduled to pick up Katherine's new car on Monday. Until then, she would drive my winter vehicle.

The three of us toured the campus to give Lila an idea of where everything was in relation to her dorm. There was a rather nerdy looking woman, who I noticed staring at us more than once. 

When we had seen as much as Lila needed, we sat down at a small outdoor cafe to grab a bite. It was a bittersweet moment. A host of emotions went through the three of us. It was a turning point in our lives, but none of us had any idea of what was about to happen. 

For Lila, it was a moment that she both dreaded and longed for. The moment was sweet because, she was going to be out on her own for the first time in her life. It was perfect because although she wouldn't have her parents living with her, the college life offered enough security and regularity to keep her both safe and busy. It was like being on her own, but with training wheels. She would also have her own vehicle and we were only a few hours' drive away. 

Katherine on the other hand couldn't keep her hands off of me. She was anticipating the romantic nature of the two of us being truly alone together for the first time in eighteen years. She even had her hand in my lap under the table. As we waited for our food to arrive the three of us looked at each other. Katherine and Lila were all smiles until they looked at me and saw the first tear roll down my cheek.

"Daddy what's wrong?" asked Lila.

"I knew today was coming," I said. "But I guess I'm just not ready to give up my baby yet." She was on me in a flash. She wrapped her thin arms around me and she reverted from the confident young woman I had just seen, into my little girl all over again. 

"Daddy, I'll always be your baby," she whispered.

"Oh, for crying out loud. Will the two of you give it up," spat Katherine. "Jeez us Mark, she's going off to college, not to war. And you, Lila, would you rather stay home and go to the community college right down the road? Or do you want the best education the state can offer? You've been waiting for this for most of your life."

The waiter came back with a tray full of food, and we should have been happy but the mood had changed. Katherine scooted over beside me and whispered into my ear. 

"When we get home, I'm going to suck the skin off of your dick. And then we're going to fuck until we can't move."

Her words made my balls tingle and I was suddenly glad to be sitting down. We smiled at each other like two Cheshire cats. 

But when I looked up the nerdy woman was there leaning over our table staring at Katherine. "Kathy...?" she said. "I thought it was you."

"I'm sorry, I don't...I don't remember you are you a friend of my daughter's?" asked Katherine.

"No Mom, it's me...Brina," she said. "I...I never thought I'd see you again. I mean I always hoped I would, but I never expected to. What happened? Why did you leave us? My daddy never told me. But he cried for days when the two of you broke up. Do you know what it's like for an eight year old girl to have to comfort her father? I'm twenty six years old now and I can still remember the pain he went through. I can still feel it."

"I'm sorry miss, but I don't know you," spat Katherine. 

"Sure you do...Look!" said the girl. She reached into her purse and brought out a faded old picture. I recognized it immediately. It was Katherine and it was from about a year after we got married. I'd know that shitty haircut anywhere. I also noticed that in the photo she was wearing a one of a kind necklace that I'd had made for her on our honeymoon in Mexico. 

"That is you, Katherine," I said. "What is going on?" 

"She has me confused with...maybe she has the dates wrong. I think her father might have been one of the guys I dated before I met you and..."

"Bullshit!" I yelled. "In that photo, you're wearing the necklace I bought you on our honeymoon. How the hell is that possible?" My heart was hammering in my chest like I had just run a marathon. I had the feeling that I my world was about to change and I wasn't going to like it very much. I turned towards the woman.

"Brina, is it?" I said. "Sit down please. Tell me about how you know Katherine. And why you called her mom."

"She isn't really my mother," she said. "My mom died when I was six. But Kathy was pretty close to being my stepmother though. And she told me I could call her mom. She loved me. Or at least I thought she did. She started dating my daddy whenever her job as a flight attendant brought her into town. After a while, she even moved in with us and stayed with us. She and my daddy loved each other."

"Whoah, slow down, Brina," I said. Things were beginning to click. Did her work schedule take her out of town for...?"

"Yes," she interrupted. "She'd be gone for two or three weeks and then come home for a couple of weeks or so and..."

"And where did she sleep when she was with you?" I asked.

"With my dad, of course," said Brina. "They were going to get married. We were going to have the perfect family. She was going to get another job and stay with us. She'd be able to stay home with us, I was so excited. But then one day I came home and all of her things were gone. My daddy was sitting at the table with a half empty bottle of liquor and the most awful look on his face. He tried to smile at me and he took me to Disney World for a week. But I knew there was something wrong. He looked...he looked like someone had torn his heart out. It took a long time for him to even pretend to be normal after that. He slowly came out of it. And after a lot of years he met, dated and married another woman. She's a really nice lady, but I don't think my daddy ever felt the way about her that he did about you. 

I think he married her more so I'd have a woman around once I got to my teens than any other reason. But she tried her best to make him happy and to help raise me. She's a good woman and they're still together now. But I've always wondered why you left us. Did you and Daddy, have an argument? Did he do something wrong? Did I?"

"Brina, are you sure this happened when you were eight?" I asked. She nodded. I have pictures of her and my dad sitting there watching me blow out the candles on my cake. We all had party hats on and there was a big 8 on the cake. Why does it matter?"

"Because, when Katherine was with you and your father, she was already married to me and we had a baby who was less than a year old," I said angrily. 

"It wasn't what you think, Honey," said Katherine suddenly bursting into tears. 

"You have to give me a chance to explain this," she cried.

"What do you need to explain?" I asked. "How the fuck, do you explain, leaving your husband and your newborn baby daughter on a regular basis to go and screw some other guy and play mommy. Why the fuck would you need to do that. I loved you more than anything I can think of and we had a child of our own. It just doesn't make any fucking sense!"


Waking Up With a Monster



"Mom, please tell me she's lying," said Lila. "This is some sort of joke right. Is this some sort of sorority hazing thing?" 

I wrapped my arms around Lila who was nearly hysterical. "Baby girl, don't worry about this," I said. "Your job is to take care of your classes and your grades. Make some new friends and learn as much as you can. I want you to have a great foundation. You can be anything you want Honey. Now is where you start. I love you Lila, I'll call you tomorrow." 

"Mark, we need to talk about this," said Katherine. Ten minutes prior to that, I'd have laid down my life for her, but I found myself disgusted by the sight of her. And she knew it. 

"I'm going home," I hissed. "You can ride back to the house with me or not it's your choice. But after that...we're done!"

She looked at me with the stupidest expression on her face. It was as if she couldn't imagine me not wanting to have anything else to do with her. I hugged my daughter and told her to call me every day. When Katherine reached for her, Lila moved away. 

"You always have taken your father's side in every disagreement," Katherine said. Then she ran to catch up to me. The first hour of the drive was silent. There were several times when Katherine tried to start a conversation, but I was in no mood to talk to her. 

"Mark you have to talk to me at some point," she said when we were about halfway home. "Maybe you hate me now, despite the way I feel about you. But Mark, you've always been a reasonable person. So can we just talk about this?" I didn't say anything and she took that as a yes.

"The least you could do was to disagree with me when I said that you hate me," she said. Since that didn't get a reaction, she continued to talk. "Mark, I'm not defending what I did. I was totally wrong. I betrayed you and our marriage vows. But Mark, it was eighteen years ago." She looked at me and I saw the tears in her eyes. 

I was so used to comforting her when she was upset or when she cried that I almost pulled the car over and hugged her. 

"Mark you're not going to understand this, but I had a mental break down at the time. I think they call it post-partum depression. In the space of two years I went from being a carefree single woman who was fresh out of college to a married woman with a baby. I felt myself being swallowed up by the whole thing. I felt like I was drowning. I just needed to have my own space. And honey you were and are an awesome father. Our daughter loves you. The two of you were fine without me. And once my depression ended, I broke it off. I've spent the last eighteen years doing my best to make you happy. I believe that eighteen years of happiness trumps a few months of mental illness. It never happened again, Mark. I know you're angry. I know you're hurt. But we love each other and we have a daughter together. It was one mistake Honey."

"You claim it was one mistake," I hissed. "That mistake lasted for months. And it smells like bullshit to me. If you were depressed because you suddenly had a family that included a husband who loved you and a baby daughter, why the fuck would you have an affair with another man, who also had a young daughter. That's like jumping from the frying pan and into another fucking frying pan. The only difference is that you don't own the second frying pan. Most people try to find something different from what they have. I think you're lying." I stared at her and she dropped her head. 

Living with Kath for almost twenty years and taught me a lot of things about her. One of those things was, knowing when she was lying. 

"I also don't believe that this one was the only affair you ever had," I said. 

"I swear to you that I never did anything like this at any other time," she said. "You and Lila are special to me. I'd never risk our marriage again, Mark. I learned my lesson the first time."

Once again she looked everywhere except for my eyes as she said it. "Katherine, this morning I really thought I was one of the luckiest men on the planet. I thought I had a wife who loved me, a daughter who was happy, healthy and at the beginning of her life and the car of my dreams. Now all I have is the car. My wife is a lying cheater. My daughter is no longer healthy or happy after finding out that her mother abandoned her regularly for no other reason than to fuck some other guy and spend time playing mommy to another little girl. And I can't trust you as far as I can throw your cheating ass. Just from listening to you talk, I know you did this more than once. You may as well come clean because now that I know, I'm going to find out everything and if you're lying to me, we're done."

"Mark stop being dramatic," she said. "You love me."

"That doesn't mean that I can't live without you," I said. "We both went to college. We will both survive. I'll pay you a very fair settlement. We'll sell the house and split the money fifty-fifty. Then you can go out and fuck as many guys as you want. It'll be better because you won't be tied down. You can go out and become as big a whore as you need to be."

"Mark, I already told you it only happened once. And it was eighteen years ago. I also told you it was a mistake. We are not getting a divorce over this. Do you realize how stupid you sound? Lila is finally out of the house. We can discover each other all over again. We can travel. We can walk around the house naked. We don't have to worry about Lila hearing us or catching us. I love you, Honey and I'm sorry. If I could take it back I would. But I think a divorce is far too extreme a punishment."

"Karen, what punishment would you consider fair?" I asked.

"Personally, I don't think there needs to be any punishment," she said. "We're adults. I've admitted my mistake. Let's move on."

"You have rocks in your fucking head," I spat, far more venomously than I intended. 

"So, other than the divorce, what would you consider fair?" she asked. "I know men. I suppose you want to go out and screw some tramp for a while to make me suffer. And then for the rest of our lives, I'll catch you thinking about her sometimes and realize that it was my fault."

"Apparently you neither love me, nor do you really know me after all of this time," I said sadly. "If you loved me, the thought of me having sex with some other woman would almost kill you. You'd feel as bad and as upset about it as I do after hearing about you fucking that girl's father. If you can even suggest that, as if it's somehow acceptable or fair, you don't know me. And if you knew me, you'd also realize that just going out and having sex who some woman that I have no feelings for is nowhere near worth the pain I'm going through right now." She nodded.

"That's right, Honey," she said. "That's the same way I feel about it. What I did eighteen years ago was just sex. It is nowhere near what we do. I love you Mark. No one could take your place. As the years have gone on, my love for you has only grown."

"So you say," I told her. "But I really can't believe a word that comes out of your fucking mouth. I just don't know you anymore, Katherine. I thought I did. And I guess I loved the woman I thought I had married. But now in the cold light of day, I don't think I love the woman you turned out to be."

"Now who has rocks in their head?" she laughed. "You don't know how not to love me, Mark. You'll sulk for a few days and then things will go back to normal."

When we got to the house, I got out of the car. "Mark, aren't you going to put your Mustang in the garage?" she asked. "You know if you get dust on that car you're going to spend three or four hours washing and waxing it. That's three or four hours that we could put to better use. If you know what I mean."

I didn't say a word. I just unlocked the door and went inside the house. Once inside, I went up to our bedroom and then out again. I walked two doors down and looked into Lila's room. As usual it was a mess. It still smelled like the raspberry cocoa that she drank every morning and every evening before she went to bed. There were still piles of discarded clothing and old notebooks strewn all over.

I smiled as I caught a glimpse of the spot on the wall where we measured her height every month until she decided that she was tall enough and we didn't need to do it anymore. 

"I miss her too," said Katherine from behind me. "But she can't stay a baby forever, Mark. She has to move forward in her life. And we have to take advantage of our opportunities as well. Remember how we talked about how terrible it is for some people who have lots of kids. By the time their kids are grown, they're too old to do anything. Well, Honey we hit the jackpot. We did our duty to the human race. Our daughter is a beautiful, intelligent, strong young woman who will make her contribution to society. And in the meantime you and I are still young enough to travel, the way we talked about when we first got together. 

We can spend the next few years seeing everything in the world that we want to see and then sit back and grow old together while we raise our healthy, fat grandkids. I really like the travel idea. I wish I could just pack a bag right now and just go. And actually I can, Honey. You're the one with the job. And you could if you wanted to. You have so much vacation time stored up that you could take four or five months off, but you won't. You love that hospital."

I went into the hall closet and pulled out a couple of suitcases. I started throwing clothes and running gear into one. I went into the bathroom and grabbed my shaving kit and toiletries. I put more clothes and some underwear into another suitcase. Then I grabbed my long duffle bag out of the closet. I threw a bunch of shoes and lots of scrubs into the duffle bag. I grabbed my iPad and nestled it carefully inside of a rolled up set of scrubs and pulled the string tight.

"Stop joking, Mark," laughed Katherine. "As much as I would love for us to do it, we're not going on vacation. You're not that spontaneous. But thanks for the laugh. Now back in the real world, I seem to remember promising my husband that I was going to suck the skin off of a part of his anatomy and..."

I threw the strap from the duffle bag over one shoulder and picked up the two suitcases. Katherine had already dropped to her knees. She looked up at me on surprise. "Mark, what are you doing?" she whined.

"Kath, we have a lot of things to fix. I'm seriously not sure that they can be fixed. I still think that you're lying to me. I just have the feeling that you're still hiding something. I just don't trust you anymore. It's hard to love someone when you don't feel you can trust them with your heart or your happiness. I really need some time to think about this," I said.

"Why can't you think here?" she asked angrily. "We can't fix things if you're not here. And if you don't trust me, now do you know that I won't go out and screw some guy while you're not here?"

"I don't actually," I said. "And realistically, you're an adult. You can do whatever you want to do. But right now, we're hanging on by a thread. Anymore lies or anything else could break that thread. And once I make up my mind, we're over. I'm not abandoning you, Katherine. You have my cell phone number. I'm going to check into a hotel until I figure out what I want to do. I'll call you in a few days and we'll talk. So you need to figure out exactly what you want me to know."

"I want you to know that I love you and I'm sorry and that it won't happen again," she said.

"Well, I guess that's a good start," I said. "I'll call you in a few days."

With Katherine's voice pleading in the background for me not to go, I grabbed my bags and left the house. I was barely able to force the two suitcases into the Mustang's trunk. The duffle bag had to go on the back seat.

I checked into a mid level hotel downtown near the hospital I worked in. I spent the first evening eating room service food, watching crappy movies and wondering where I went wrong. 

Most of the people I knew considered me a pretty smart guy. So why did I feel so stupid? Why did I feel like I had wasted most of my life? But as I reconsidered it, I realized that despite all of the bullshit that I had yet to wade through, some good had come of it. There was no way I could ever consider Lila a mistake.

As I went to sleep, or tried to, the loneliness really set in. But every time I thought about how I missed Katherine, I remembered the lies. I also remembered that I still had no idea of the extent of them. 

I woke up the next morning and called Lila. She seemed as usual to be a ball of conflicting emotions. I could pick out happiness at hearing from me, sadness, and excitement all at the same time.

"I know that you have a lot to do, Honey," I said. "And it's a Saturday so I'm sure you have plans for the evening. But I need a favor and I want to take you to lunch."

"Okay, Daddy," she said. 

"Don't you want to know what the favor is?" I asked.

"Do you want me to kick mom's ass?" she asked.

"No," I said sadly. "But I would like you to find that woman from yesterday and bring her to lunch with you. I'd kind of like to talk to her."

"No problem, Daddy," she beamed. "After yesterday, Brina kind of appointed herself my on-campus older sister. I'll call her and invite her. I'm sure she'll come, especially with free food available."

I ate breakfast in the hotel's cafeteria. While sipping my coffee, my cell phone rang. I looked at the screen and saw that it was Katherine. 

"I've thought about several ways to make things up to you," she said. 

"You were supposed to be thinking about telling me the truth," I said.

"You already know the truth," she said. "I went a little crazy after Lila was born and did something I shouldn't have. I already told you that I was sorry and that it would never happen again. What more do you want?"

"Katherine, I lived with you and loved you for twenty years. I think I know when you're lying. And when you said that you had never done it again since then, you were lying," I said. The conversation died then. 

"See what I mean," I said. "Even now you can't tell me the truth. I don't think we have much future left, Katherine."

"Mark, you're being unfair. You're asking me to hang myself. I've been a good wife to you, you know it. Why can't we just agree that I fucked up and put it in the past? Mark, we're starting an entirely new phase of our lives now. Let's just start fresh and leave the past in the past," she said. Again the silence on the line was deafening.

"Mark, when are you coming home?" she asked.

"Whenever you're ready to start being honest with me," I said. Then I hung up the phone, chugged the rest of my rapidly cooling coffee and left the cafeteria. 

I pulled up in front of Lila's dorm just before noon. A lot of the guys at the college looked over my car as I parked it. I called Lila and she came down and escorted me up to her room. Any hope that being in college had matured Lila, went out the window when I saw her room. It looked surprisingly like her room at home.

"I'm still in the moving in process, Daddy," she said, when she was me looking at the clutter.

"Well I guess you've been moving into your room back home for eighteen years then," I quipped.

We walked over a couple of dorm buildings and collected Brina. 

Brina folded her incredibly long legs into the Mustang's back seat. Both girls chattered away like cheerful birds during the drive downtown. I had found the restaurant using an app on my iPhone that found the best restaurants in any city.

I wondered how the girls would ever stay as slim as they both were, with the way that they put away food. After lunch I drove Lila back to her dorm and promised to stay in touch with her. I was surprised when I realized that neither of us had mentioned her mother even once. 

As Lila got out and went into her building, Brina got into the front seat. As she sat down her skirt rose, revealing nearly all of her long tanned legs. Brina was tall and lanky, with thick glasses and out of fashion clothes but her legs were first class. 

"Well that answers that question," she smiled.

"Was there a question?" I asked. She just smiled. It was an awkward looking grimace that showed teeth. Somehow her face just didn't match those legs. 

"I was wondering why you asked me along to this lunch date," she said. "But from the way you were staring at my legs..."

"Bah Bah but..." I stuttered.

"So you want to see my butt too," she said. She immediately began lifting the hem of her skirt even further.

"Hold on Brina," I managed to spurt.

"Oh, don't worry," she smirked. "I'm not going to argue with you. If you want to see me naked, it's fine with me. Of course, I'd rather wait until we get to my apartment but you're in charge baby. I'm going to give you my number though, so next time we don't have to go through Lila."

"Brina..." I tried to get her to stop. She pulled the skirt up around her waist and started trying to shinny out of her panties.

"I never thought that my first time would be in a car," she gushed.

"Uh, Brina, this isn't going to be your first time," I said.

"Yes, it is," she said. "I'm a virgin. You'll see that in a few minutes."

"Brina, what I meant was...you're a beautiful young woman. You don't want to waste something so special on an old man like me," I said.

"So...you don't want me?" she asked with her eyes tearing up. "It's my tits...they're too small, right?"

"Brina, your breasts are fine..." I said.

"But you kept making eye contact with me all through lunch. You told Lila to bring me to the lunch because..." she began.

"Brina, I was looking at you because I wanted to make a good impression. I...I need something from you. I need to get in touch with your father. You talked about how upset he was about what happened with Katherine. I'd kind of like to compare notes. I'm feeling the same way that he was right now," I said.

"Here's my phone number," she said. "I'll call my dad and talk to him. I want to make sure it's okay with him first."

"That's reasonable," I said. 

"Oh, shit!" she said suddenly. "You're feeling the same way my daddy was. No wonder you don't want to do anything right now. I should have been thinking. You just aren't interested in women right now. I'll give you a couple of weeks before I try again."

She kissed me on the cheek and got out of the car. I watched those long legs churning up the pavement for a second. She turned and caught me. She blew me a kiss and waved, before going into her building.

She was one messed up young woman.

The drive back to my hotel took a lot longer. Maybe it was because I was lost in thought. But maybe it was because I just didn't feel like I had anything to go home to. 

* * * * * *

Katherine

For at least the fiftieth time, I tried calling Mark's cell phone. I couldn't believe my life was falling apart. Over the course of twenty years I had made a few mistakes, but hadn't everyone. At least I was willing to admit to mine and try to make up for them. Mark was being unrealistic. The phone rang and rang and finally went to voice mail. I tried calling Lila. I had called her a few times during the morning as well. The first time she told me that she'd just awoken and would call me back later. The second time she told me that she was busy and would call me back later.

This time she answered the phone. The sound of her voice told me that she was happy about something. 

"Hi mom," she said. 

"Lila, I need you to do something for me," I said. "I need you to call your father and tell him..."

"Daddy just left," she said. "He took me to lunch."

The two of them had always been close. So it made sense that if Mark was feeling down, that he'd go to her. Life was funny. Growing up, Lila was purely a daddy's girl. But that was probably my fault. I guess in the early years I'd been a terrible mother. Like Mark recently found out, I had cheated on him shortly after Lila was born. 




Waking Up With a Monster



It was eighteen years ago and it was a different time. Nowadays we know so much more about the mental state of new mothers. Back then no one had heard of what I'd gone through. But today stories about women doing stupid things or even harming or killing their babies are all over the internet. I hadn't been that bad. I hadn't hurt Lila or tried to kill her, I'd just needed some space. 

At the same time, I loved Mark. I have since the first day that I met him in college, but I had been beginning to wonder if I should have married him. I'd always been a carefree single woman. Then all of a sudden I had a husband and a home and a baby. And they looked to me for everything. A lot of my friends were still going to parties. I couldn't. And Mark was so serious all the time. All he ever talked about was saving money for Lila to go to college, or saving money for retirement. 

So very soon after Lila was born, I found a daycare center that took newborns and I went back to work. Mark didn't want me to do it. He kept telling me that Lila needed her momma at home. But I just didn't trust myself around her. And to be truthful, I didn't like her. It sometimes seemed like Lila was the reason that I couldn't do anything or go anywhere. And from the first breath that girl drew in, she stole my husband from me.

Like with most mothers, my doctor advised against intercourse for a while after the birth of a child. Of course that didn't mean that there weren't other ways for us to satisfy each other. Mark's biggest mistake and the one that I believe really started things happened this way. 

I decided to do something for Mark to thank him for being a great husband. Throughout my pregnancy he had gone above and beyond what could be expected of any husband. My wish was Mark's command. And as I've said, I love the idiot. So after we got in bed one night, I reached for him and after some very hot hugging and kissing, I started giving him a really hot, sloppy blowjob. We were both into it and his toes were curling up when we heard it. 

It was the sound of that plaintive pre-crying warble that babies do. Sometimes I think they do it just to see if anyone is listening to them or if anyone is around. Most of the time, they do it for a few seconds and go back to sleep. So most parents let them do if for a while to see if it turns into real crying that might indicate that the child is hungry or wet or afraid. Not Mark, as soon as he heard that tiny voice, he shot up bolt upright in the bed. The look on his face clearly told me that I, the blowjob I was giving him and everything else on the planet no longer mattered. 

His queen had summoned him and like any good knight, nothing would deter him from his duty. He planted his hand on my forehead and gently, but extremely firmly, pushed my head away, pulled up his boxers and ran down the hall. 

A few minutes later, I peeked into her room to find him sitting in the rocker with Lila in his arms, feeding her. He was so intent on taking care of her that he didn't even notice my presence.

I told my mother about it. I also told my sister and one of our neighbors. To be women, they were all stupid. They seemed to have the opinion that I had picked an excellent husband. My mother told me that it was a sign that I didn't need to worry about infidelity. Mark clearly put his family ahead of sex. 

I took it as a sign that Mark put Lila ahead of me. So before the doctor had cleared us to go back to having sex, I was back to work. I now realize that it was the worst and stupidest decision that I ever made.

If I'd been worried about Lila stealing my husband, I couldn't have helped her more. Mark had to get up earlier and take Lila to daycare before he went to work. He also had to stop and pick her up on the way home. All it did was to bring the two of them even closer. Even as a baby, Lila only smiled when her daddy was around. 

When my boss got sick and couldn't go out of town to deliver some product samples to a major customer of ours, she asked me to do it instead. It was easy. I just had to fly to Chicago, drop off the samples and catch the earliest flight back home, the next morning. 

I did all of that. The one rub was that I got pissed after talking to Mark on the phone. All he talked about was Lila. I decided that instead of sitting alone on my hotel room, I'd go down to the hotel's bar and get a drink. 

That was where I met Dean. We talked for what seemed like hours. He was very lonely and he enjoyed telling me about his life. His wife had been killed in a car accident two years before. He had a young daughter who was about seven or eight years old. That evening she was at a sleep-over with some other girls in her class. His daughter was happy and healthy but Dean longed for someone for himself. 

My heart went out to him, but to me it seemed like fate. I thought that maybe we could be the answer to each other's prayers. Dean was lonely and I needed someone who would put me first. I did what anyone would do in my situation. I lied. I slipped my wedding rings off and made up a story. I was a flight attendant so I was only in town for short periods of time. 

I invited him back to my room and told him that I was on my period but I gave him the best blowjob I had ever given. His equipment wasn't as big as Mark's but Dean appreciated what I gave him so much that it made me want to give him more. 

I started traveling for my boss more and more. It got to the point where I was spending every other weekend in Chicago. And while I was there, I lived with Dean. It was the best of both worlds. But on retrospect, I realized that it was only good for me. Poor Mark was working his ass off. He was burning the candle at both ends. He was working as an X-ray tech while going to school at night to move up to his Bachelor's degree. But he was also taking care of Lila most of the time too. And on the weekends that I was away, he had to take care of Lila 24/7 by himself. And he never once complained.

Dean on the other hand had fallen in love with me. His daughter looked at me as if I was a surrogate mother. He had started dropping hints about us getting engaged. 

There was never a chance of that. I had no intention of ever leaving my husband. I loved Mark and though I was fond of Dean, I only used him to get the attention that Mark wasn't showing me. I guess I was using both of them. I think the real problem was that I looked at the whole situation sideways. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Dean got, or thought that he got the love he craved. His daughter got her surrogate mom. Mark had or thought he had the family he wanted. He got to spend more time with his fucking daughter too. I on the other hand got the husband I loved and also my little fantasy world with Dean, where I was the center of his world. I didn't see a problem.

I've read a lot of stories about men who cheated on their wives because after having a baby the women were so busy caring for the child that they forgot about their husbands. I understood how those men felt.

When Lila started teething, things only got worse. She had won. She virtually shut me out for the whole period of time. I know it wasn't intentional, babies don't plan or strategize, but she did it just the same. 

When a child's teeth rip themselves through their gums, it is very painful for some kids. Some of them do it one or two teeth at a time and don't suffer much. Others have bunches of teeth all sprout together. In Lila's case it seemed as if all of her God damned teeth came in at the same time. 

And during that time it just seemed to me, that she screamed the whole damned time. Mark got her Ora-gel and tried other methods like giving her ice chips, but the thing she seemed to love the most was to have her daddy walk around carrying her and rocking her to sleep. Poor Mark barely got any sleep during that time. That was when I noticed that I didn't matter. All of the feedings and diaper changes and other things that help to create the bond between mother and child hadn't happened with Lila and me. Lila had bonded with her dad.

So when Mark, looked as if he would fall over carrying Lila and I volunteered to hold her for a while, I realized my mistake. Poor Mark gladly handed her over to me. He thanked me profusely which made me feel guilty. I mean, why was Mark, thanking me for doing something with my own child? I realized then what a terrible mother I had been. I decided in that second to stop going to Chicago. 

But it all changed before the thought had taken root. As he handed her over, as exhausted as Mark was, he looked hesitant. It was as if he didn't trust me with my own daughter, or as if he just didn't want anyone else to hold her. I pulled the baby into my warm motherly embrace and cuddled her. Before I could even start to rock her or sing to her, she let out an ear-piercing scream of mortal terror. 

In a split second, Mark, who'd been heading for bed, wheeled in place and snatched her away from me. As soon as she was back with Mark, Lila settled down and started cooing. That told me what my place in that house was. That incident alone extended my time with Dean. If I couldn't be first in my own home, I could be first in someone else's. Don't get me wrong, I did feel guilty about the time I spent with Dean and Brina. But at the same time I craved the attention. 

One week later though, I went to Chicago and got a surprise. As my taxi pulled up to Dean's house, I saw lots of bags on the porch. I had a key to Dean's front door. My key didn't work and there was a note. 

"Kathy, I've gathered all of your things. I know you're not a flight attendant. I also know that you're already married. I've taken Brina to Disney World this weekend. Please take your things and please don't call me or come back. I guess I'll always wonder why you did this, but if finding out means having to see you again, I'd rather not know."

It was signed D. Stockwell.

I returned to Michigan. I was a mass of confusing and conflicting emotions. As soon as I got home I ran up to our bedroom and cried my eyes out for hours. Mark as usual came up to comfort me immediately. He made me my favorite tea and sat with me, rubbing my back and consoling me. He was smart enough not to press me for answers until I was ready to talk. But he was also dumb enough to abandon me as soon as his daughter cried. 

I made up a lie about not being appreciated at work and how all of the traveling I did was taken for granted. Mark told me to quit my job and stay home. I decided to simply stop going to Chicago. It was easier than it sounded since most of the time I was volunteering to go and staying longer than was necessary.

But Mark's gesture touched me. I vowed to never cheat on him again and to try to become a better mother to my daughter. It was tough because by then Mark may as well have been a single parent. I was home most days but Lila had spent her first year and a half of life being attended to mostly by her father. So as soon as she could walk she started inserting herself between us.

When I pointed her patterns out to Mark, he told me I was imagining it. But I'd noticed that if Mark was sitting on the sofa alone and Lila wanted to go to sleep, she'd crawl up into his lap. If Mark and I were sitting on the sofa together, Lila would climb up on the sofa between us. She wouldn't just crawl up and lie across us or even climb up into Mark's lap, leaving Mark and me sitting together. She had to crawl up between us. In essence, she was pushing me away from Mark. If I was sitting on the sofa alone, she wouldn't even look my way. She would toddle all over the house looking for Mark. 

So, Lila telling me that her father driving three hours each way up to her school to take her to lunch didn't surprise me at all. In fact, all it did was remind me that that the two of them had become accustomed to reaching out to each other when they were sad or upset. They also did it when they were happy. I also had to admit that it was my fault. 

Over the years, there had been many times when I felt set aside or ignored by the two of them. But again most of them were due to my own needs or vanity. Don't get me wrong, there were years when I was faithful and I worked very hard to make us a close family. But there were also times when the slightest provocation could lead to me sleeping with someone else. 

When Lila was six years old and in the first grade, I had to pick her up from school once. I hadn't ever done it before because by then I had quit my job and since Mark's shift at the hospital ended just before Lila got out of school, it just seemed convenient.

So when I went to the office to find out which classroom she was in, everyone looked at me as if I had arisen from the dead. The principal personally took me to Lila's classroom. There, I met her teacher, who also seemed shocked beyond comprehension.

"Miss Henson, this is Katherine," said the principal. "She's Lila's mother."

"Holy shit, I knew he wasn't gay," spat the teacher. "Oh, I'm sorry! But it's just that Lila never mentions you. Uhm, are you and Mark divorced?"

"No," I said. "We're happily married."

"I'm sorry to pry like this, but do you live with them?" she asked. 

"Of course," I said. "Why are you asking me these questions?"

"We've never seen or heard of you," said the principal. "None of us knew that Lila had a step mother. Of course we're happy for Mark but..."

That was when I lost it. "I'm not her God damned step mother," I screamed. "I gave birth to her."

"Calm down, Mrs. Getsetgo," said the principal. "You're listed on Lila's family sheet. But we've never seen you here. Lila never mentions you and last month she asked if her Dad could bring her to the Mother/Daughter Luncheon. We just assumed that..."

It didn't help when they called Lila to get her coat and get ready to leave and the first words out of her mouth were, "Where's my daddy?"

Mark, of course took her side. He claimed that she just wasn't used to me picking her up. That led to me going away for a weekend to a bachelorette party with some friends of mine. I broke my promise that weekend. Actually I broke it several times. There was a black male stripper there who had me sore by the time the weekend was over. 

When I got home Mark treated me like a princess which only made me feel even guiltier about what I had done. Mark suggested that I spend more time with Lila and do some of the things that little girls like to do. He told me not to expect changes to come over night, but to keep at it because Lila was worth it. I promised him that I'd try. I did it more out of guilt than anything else. 

The next thing that happened made me feel even more foolish and it had nothing to do with Lila. Mark started working more hours and became a lead tech at the hospital. I expected that his promotion would have meant he'd fewer hours so he wouldn't have to leave me with Lila. But he worked more. He even volunteered to work some shifts so other people could take them off. 

Being a cheater myself, I knew what it smelled like. I did two things. The first was that I started another affair of my own with one of our neighbors. It was very dissatisfying as most of my dalliances had been, but I kept it up just to spite Mark.

The second thing I did was to hire a PI to watch over Mark and find out who he was fucking. The PI was very good. He followed Mark every day for weeks and didn't catch him once. So he tried a different tactic. He went to the hospital's HR department and found a guy with a loose tongue. He pretended to be a rep from a company we was checking up on Mark's finances.

My PI looked at me as if I had crawled out from under a rock the next time I saw him. I was sure that he was disgusted by what he had found out about Mark. 

"Don't worry, I'm giving as good as I get," I said. "I've got my own action going on the side."

"Yeah, lady, you've mentioned it more than a few times," he spat. "Can I ask you something? Did you start cheating on your husband before you suspected he was doing something? Or did you just hope he was doing something so you wouldn't feel bad about what you're doing?"

"Why, the fuck is it your business?" I asked.

"Because he's not cheating on you," he spat. "As much as I can tell the guy's life revolves around you and his kid."

"Then why the hell is he working so much?" I yelled. Somehow I knew I wasn't going to like the answer. 

"Because he makes decent money, but not rich guy money," he spat. "The poor schlob has been busting his ass to buy you a fucking Beemer for your anniversary next month. Can I get paid now, I'm done? On second thought send me a check. Enjoy cheating on a guy who loves you that much, lady."

Once again I was ripped apart by guilt and threw myself into trying to be the best wife I could. Over the years, I tried and did become closer to Lila. But it wasn't the closeness that most women have with their daughters. Lila was simply a daddy's girl. That was due in part to the fact that I left her to Mark during her formative years. They had developed a bond that I was peripheral to, but never on the inside of.

So I knew that afternoon, that Lila would never ask her father to call me. She was polite, she was compassionate sounding, but I knew that above all else, she was still her daddy's girl. She would not do anything to hurt him or cause him any pain.

"Lila, I love your father with all of my heart," I told her. "All I want is a chance to make this up to him. I'm your mother, Lila. I carried you for nine months. They pulled you out of my womb. The three of us are a family. You have to do your part to help us stay together. You have to help me."

I heard the sound of the phone falling to the floor and Lila laughing in an unrestrained fashion. 

"Mother...and I use the term loosely," she said. "You carried me for nine months and then handed me to my daddy for the rest of my life. I don't remember one instance of you picking me up when I fell or sitting with me when I was sick. 

"I remember Daddy, looking embarrassed as hell when he took me to the store to buy my first bra. I remember him scaring the shit out my first few dates when they came to pick me up. I remember millions of kisses and hugs and dollars slipped under my pillow over the years. I remember him telling me I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. I remember him propping me up when I needed it, picking me up when I fell and celebrating with me when I won. I can't count how many times over the years that he's told me he loves me, but I can't remember you saying it even once.

I do remember riding my bike up and down the street and seeing you slipping out of Mr. Morton's house down the street. At the time I didn't know what it meant, but I felt even then that it was wrong. And as I think about it now, I have the feeling that there must've been others too, MOTHER. I never said anything about it to Daddy, because he loves your silly ass so much that he would be hurt so badly by what you've done.

So don't expect me to be Switzerland here, mother. I have already chosen a side. If Daddy decides to keep you, I'll support it and keep my silence. On the other hand if he decides to walk away...you won't be seeing much of me either. Right now he is really upset mother, so I have to stand by him the same way he's stood by me for my entire life. But do intend to treat you the same way you've treated me for most of my life too. If you want to talk to Dad, you're going to have to call him yourself."

The only thing I could do was to pray that she kept her word. Mark, hearing about any of my dalliances could mean the end of my chances to stay married to him. I felt as if I was walking on the edge of a razor. I debated whether or not to come clean about my affairs and beg him for one last chance. The problem was that he was upset about only one and the very first of them. There had been so many more. And although none of them had meant a God damned thing to me, each of them would have been a dagger in the heart of our marriage.




Waking Up With a Monster



The truth would probably set me free, literally. But I didn't want to be free. I wanted more than anything else to stay married to Mark. The irony was that for the past two years, I hadn't so much as looked at another man. With Lila having her own car and the ability to come and go as she pleased, Mark had spent so much more time and attention on me. We were still interrupted by Lila calling him on her cell phone to tell him she'd be late or ask for money, but it was mostly Mark and me.

I had loved it. I fell even more in love with my husband and I concentrated on becoming the very best wife I could be. Lila and I had also settled into a truce of sorts. Sure, she still demanded his full attention when she was home, but like most teenagers, she wasn't home much. 

So now that we were more in love, more in tune with each other, having the best sex of our lives and on the verge of being able to do all the things we'd dreamed of over the years, this bullshit from 18 fucking years ago, sprouts like stink weed in the Garden of Eden. 

* * * * * *

Mark

Sunday rolled by with me ignoring phone calls from Katherine. I did get a couple of phone calls from Lila that cheered me up immensely. The thing I really wanted to do most though was to call Brina to see if her father would speak to me. There were things I needed to know about his time with Katherine. I had only heard Katherine's side of the story and for some reason I didn't believe most of what she was telling me. 

I had done some research on the internet on the subject of post partum depression. Katherine had been telling the truth there. There were some awful cases of women who did horrible things to their children while in the grip of the affliction. 

Lila's case must've been a mild one, because she never tried to hurt Lila. She just pretty much ignored her. I realized then that maybe it hadn't been a total loss because if it wasn't for the depression, our family would probably be more normal and Lila and I would probably not be as close as we were. 

On the other hand I had an awful suspicion that the reason we hadn't had any more children was something that Katherine had decided without consulting me.

I decided to give Brina a couple of days to contact her father. I didn't want to seem too pushy and scare him off. At the same time I gave my marriage a lot of thought. 

It's really easy to say, "She cheated, it's over." But actually ending a twenty year marriage is a hard thing to do. My mind searched over and over through all of the details. I thought about all of the good things about my marriage and there were a lot of them. I loved Katherine and had for many years. That doesn't just go away. She was also the mother of my child. So even if we ended things, she would still in some capacity be a part of my life.

Then I thought about all of the bad things. And to be truthful there were very few. One of those was the fact that she had never really tried very hard to get along with Lila. There was also the fact that I just had the feeling that the Katherine I loved was a figment of my imagination. 

I thought about our entire marriage and went over every time that I could remember that we were apart. After all, if Kath had cheated on me while she was supposed to be traveling for work, why couldn't she have done it at other times?

I thought about a few times that were really suspicious. They hadn't been suspicious at the time they occurred. I'd always trusted Katherine above anyone else I knew. But now that I knew how she was, some of those trips didn't pass the smell test. 

Monday morning came and I got up as usual. I had to put my personal problems on the shelf for a few hours and be a professional. My patients were already sick or injured. They didn't need me to add my baggage to their situations.

I headed for work as usual but I had forgotten something very important. As soon as I stepped into office and spoke to some of my coworkers, I felt Rachel's eyes on me. She looked me up and down and her eyes changed. 

I waved at her and went to work. As usual Rachel was working in the DR room that adjoined the room I worked in. We chatted between exams as usual. Rachel asked me so many questions about my weekend that I felt like I was being interrogated. 

At lunch time Rachel grabbed my arm and dragged me out to the park behind the hospital. 

"What happened," she asked. "And don't give me any shit. I already know that something major has happened and it has you out of sorts. I also know that it has something to do with Katherine and you're pissed at her. I asked you a lot of questions today. When you talk about Lila, you get that goofy smile that you always have. But today you never mentioned Katherine unless I brought her up and even then your face got hard."

I took a few moments and filled her in on the events of the weekend. 

"Jeezus that woman is stupid," said Rachel. "I want you out of that house. You need to be away from her while you figure out what you want to do. What do you want to do?"

"I'm already out of the house," I said. "But I'm still trying to figure out what I intend to do."

"Where are you staying?" she asked. 

I told her about the hotel and she looked at me as if I was crazy. "After work we'll get your stuff. You can stay with me," she said.

"Rachel thanks for the offer. But I'm not sure that's a good idea," I said.

"Why isn't it?" she asked. She was serious and intent on me clarifying my reasoning to her.

"How the hell would I explain it to Katherine if we don't break up?" I asked.

"You've already broken up with her," she said.

"Well, I mean if we get back together," I corrected.

"You're NOT!" she said. "There's no way you're going back to that whore!"

In all of the years that I'd known her, I had never seen Rachel so forceful. 

"Mark, for as long as I've known you, you've had my back. You've taught me and helped me and protected me. Now it's my turn. This time, I'm the one with the experience. You do know that I was married once, right?"

"I had heard that," I said. Actually John had told me the whole story. 

"Well trust me," she said. "Cheating is like a drug for some people. And from what you've told me, Katherine is one of those. She may promise you she'll quit, but any time she gets angry at you or anyone else, she'll use it as a reason to cheat on you. Cut your losses and save yourself some heartache. You deserve someone who loves you so much that they could never imagine cheating on you."

We went back to work and finished our shift. After work though, Rachel was waiting for me. "I'll follow you to the hotel," she said. She was not taking, "NO," for an answer.

Truthfully, the events of the past few days had floored me. I was hanging onto my emotional stability by a thread. Rachel taking over was probably the best possible answer for me. We had dinner together in her tiny apartment that night and sat up talking, since both of us had the next day off. Since we worked Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday that week, we had Tuesday and Thursday off. 

We sat on the carpet in front of her sofa and I filled her in on the details of my separation that I hadn't shared with her until then. She told me that while I was making up my mind about Katherine, I needed to get a lawyer. I thought about all of the things that she was telling me, but I just wasn't sure that I was ready to give up on Katherine. 

Somewhere during the conversation, maybe it was the beer I drank or her wine, we fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night with my head leaning back on the couch. Rachel was asleep with my arm wrapped around her and her head on my shoulder. 

I picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. I placed her gently on her bed and put a blanket over her and then returned to sleep on her couch. 

The next morning I awoke to the smell of bacon coming from Rachel's kitchen. I went into the bathroom and showered. When I came out Rachel had the biggest smile on her face as she dished out the breakfast she'd just made. 

"So how did I get into bed?" she asked. 

"I didn't want you to wake up with a stiff neck so I, uhm carried you to your bed," I said. 

"Mark you are the sweetest thing," she gushed. "I like having breakfast with you. We should have done this a long time ago."

We ate and decided to go and see the lawyer who had handled her divorce. While Rachel was getting dressed, my phone rang. I looked at the display expecting it to be Katherine. But it was Lila. "Dad can you please call Brina? She's been driving me crazy," she said. 

Rachel came out wearing a pair of jeans that looked like they'd been painted on. I was used to seeing her in her loose fitting scrubs. I almost swallowed my tongue when I saw her. 

Rachel had an incredible body. Her rounded ass and luscious boobs were separated by an itty bitty waist that I was sure I could get both hands around. It was the first time I had ever looked at Rachel as a woman. I guess I had always seen her as more of another daughter. 

"What?" she asked innocently.

"Uhm...nothing," I said, thickly. "I have to call Brina."

One eyebrow arched. "Who's Brina?" she asked. 

"I told you about her last night," I reminded her. "Remember, she's the girl whose father Katherine was..."

"Oh yeah," she said. "The weird girl, who tried to rape you."

"It wasn't exactly..." I began. "I have to call her."

I punched in Brina's number and she answered it on the first ring. "How are you?" she asked. "I spoke to my dad. He's willing to talk to you. Can you do lunch today, at the same place?" 

I looked at my watch. "It's already after nine o'clock," I said. "We'd better shoot for one o'clock, to be sure." 

I hung up the phone and got nervous. Rachel snatched a handbag off of the table and headed for the door. 

"Rachel, I'm..." I began

"I know," she said. "We're going to meet Brina's father. I'm going with you. I have a feeling that this won't end well. Mark let's go see the lawyer. Trust me; all we're going to find there is more pain."

As we got into my Mustang I noticed that Rachel had put on her favorite sunglasses. I had given them to her for Christmas the previous year. They were Ray Ban Wayfarer Londons. 

She continued to talk. "I already have an idea of what you're going to hear," she said. "I think that after she felt guilty and broke it off with him, they met up a few more times. Mark you don't need to hear this. You already know she cheated on you with the guy. She's admitted it. Why put yourself through this. I know what you're doing. You're trying to find a way to give her another chance. I went through it myself. "

She looked over the tops of those sunglasses at me. "Mark, you're thinking that it's your fault. You're thinking that somehow you're to blame for your marriage not working. You think that if you just did one thing, or if you stopped doing one thing, none of this would have happened, right? In my case...Mark, I married my high school sweetheart. I know what I look like. There were lots of guys that I could have been with, but the one that I fell in love with turned out to be an asshole. 

We had a beautiful wedding. My mom, his mom and I planned it out for over six months. I knew that he was kind of a player, but I figured that after our wedding he'd settle down and become a good husband. I was nervous that night...shit I'll admit it, I was scared. He got my cherry and was really disappointed. I guess he was expecting me to be like the whores he was used to. I loved him, Mark. I loved him with all of my heart and soul. I would have done anything he wanted me to do. I would have done any nasty, depraved thing he wanted...I just didn't know how. 

Anyway after he fucked me, and that's all he did, he got up out of our bed while I was still confused. He went downstairs to get a drink. He left me wondering. I mean all my life I'd heard how wonderful sex was supposed to be and all I felt was pain. Then I remembered that it was supposed to be painful the first time, but after that it got better.

I was ready for some better. So I went downstairs to find him. I saw him. Just like he'd told me, he was in the bar downstairs. He had no idea that I was behind him. He was telling the bartender and everyone else who would listen to him, what a dead fuck I was. I wanted to burst out crying right then and there, but he wasn't done. As I watched he went off with some ugly old woman who promised to make his wedding night better. 

I went back to the room, packed all of my things and left. I tried to get an annulment, but since we had consummated the marriage, it was easier to file for divorce. He told everyone that I was frigid and probably a lesbian, so I left my small town and came to the big city with my grandpa. I started my career here and you know the rest. But it destroyed my ability to trust most men. That's why I don't waste my time dating.

And you're going to go through it too," she said. "Before I got married, I thought that the words, "complete," and "finished," meant the same thing. Now I know they are totally different."

"How?" I asked. 

"Because if you marry the right guy, you're "COMPLETE," she said, smiling."But if you marry the wrong one, you're "FINISHED."

"Yeah," I said. "Marriage is kind of like playing cards. When you first start out all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the time it's over all you want is a club and a spade."

Her hand reached across the console and covered mine. At that moment I really wished that Rachel was older.

As soon as I got to the campus, I texted my daughter to let her know what was going on. She replied, telling me that she was in class but wanted to talk to me when the lunch was over. 

I drove directly to the restaurant and looked around. I saw a man sitting at a table with a woman. He seemed to be a little older than I was. Everyone else at the restaurant appeared to be college aged. 

The woman he was sitting with, shocked me. She had uhm...strong features. I guess in the old days they'd have called her a handsome woman. I was sure that she had a wonderful personality. Rachel and I walked over to their table. 

"Are you Dean?" I asked. He looked nervous as he nodded. 

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry, I am," he began. "I hope that this doesn't get violent even though I suppose I deserve it."

"I'm not the violent type," I said. "We're talking about something that happened 18 years ago. I'm just glad you agreed to talk to me about it. Dean, I can understand how it felt to you back then. Actually you and I were in the same position. Both us were pretty much men who had to raise their daughters alone. In your case, I believe it was because your wife had passed away. In my case it was because my wife needed to escape reality. I suppose pretending to be married to you and helping to raise your daughter was easier than helping me to raise our own."

He nodded. "I was so lonely and I needed a woman to be a female presence in my daughter's life," he said. "Katherine seemed to be a godsend, but she left me feeling even more heartbroken."

"Yeah, I guess it was hard on you when she broke things off and came home," I said. 

"Mark, she didn't break things off," he said suddenly. "When we first got together Katherine lied to me. In fact all she ever did was lie to me. I believed everything she said. I loved her. I really believed that she was a flight attendant. I was about to ask her to marry me. Brina loved her too. Brina, like most eight year olds want to be just like their mothers and that was what Katherine was becoming to her. 

While Katherine was in the shower Brina was walking around carrying her purse. Brina dropped the purse and in the process of putting everything back into it I discovered her wedding rings. Like I said I loved her, but it made me realize that something funny was going on. I just had that gut feeling. I didn't want to rock the boat so I didn't say anything, but after she left I did some checking. I found out that she wasn't a flight attendant and that she was married. I broke things off, Mark. I left her a note asking her not to ever come back. It broke my heart all over again."

For a long time I didn't say anything. I was too angry.

"Mark, are you okay?" he asked. "Did I do something wrong? I never would have spoken to her if I knew she was married. I broke things off as soon as I knew."

"It's not your fault Dean," I said. "I'm beginning to realize exactly how skilled a liar Katherine is. I have nothing against you. Thanks for talking with me."

I was so angry that I was shaken. I could barely walk straight. I drove us over to Lila's dorm. 

Rachel spoke to me soothingly and tried to calm me down as we waited for Lila. 

When she got there, Lila seemed surprised but pleased to see Rachel.

"I was worried about him going through this alone," Lila told her. "But you'll take care of him won't you?"

"As much as he lets me," said Rachel.

I filled Lila in on what we had just found out before we started the drive for home. We got back at about six and I made a detour to my sister's house. She told me something I had begun to suspect about the times that they supposedly travelled together. Namely that except for the one trip to Las Vegas, there hadn't been any trips together. She also told me that she didn't see much of Katherine during that trip because Katherine was always in her room talking to me on the phone. Her sister had no idea what she was telling me. I don't think she knew about what Kat did any more than I did. Katherine had never called me once during that trip.

A few more phone calls including one to Lila and I had all of the information I needed. As soon as we got back to Rachel's apartment, I called Katherine. I told her that I was ready to talk. I scheduled our meeting for Thursday. 

On Wednesday at lunch time I met for the first time with the lawyer. He filled me in, on all of the things I'd need, including financial documents and on what I would probably get in the settlement. My list was surprisingly short. I wanted to pay Katherine whatever was fair. I didn't want her broke, I didn't want her destitute. I just wanted out. Katherine deserved to have a life, full of everything that she wanted. It just seemed that after all of the things that we'd done over the years we saw things differently. 

I still believed in love. I still loved the thought of sharing my life with one person who loved me enough to be faithful to me and me to her. But Katherine was simply not that woman. Perhaps she never had been. 

I felt like an alcoholic, only not so lucky. An alcoholic goes out drinking and gets so drunk that he has no idea of what he's doing. An alcoholic wakes up with someone he'd never fuck in a million years while he was sober. I on the other hand had no idea that I'd been waking up with a monster for twenty years. 

You don't sleep with a monster without waking up with a few scars. And now that I was awake the scars on my heart were becoming deeper and more and more painful. They'd probably always been there. But now that I was awake and aware of them, they hurt like hell.

From what I'd learned, Katherine had engaged in at least five affairs during our marriage. Some of them, like the trip to Las Vegas with my sister had been brief weekend things. Others had been more long lasting, like the affair with the old man down the street that my daughter had told me about. 

Katherine was clearly some sort of sexual sociopath. She believed that she could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, with whomever she wanted. She was above the rules and expected no consequences. Despite her protestations, Katherine was never going to stop. She would always find a reason to justify her actions. I needed to get out of the nightmare and start again.




Waking Up With a Monster



* * * * * *

Katherine

"Shit!" I thought. Mark clearly had no sense of exactly what it took for a woman my age to look her best. Although Mark, God bless his soul, still thinks I'm beautiful, I have to work really hard now to look the way I once took for granted.

Mark misses me. I could tell from the sound of his voice that he's ready to talk about us getting back together. He's going to forgive me, I can feel it. He may not like what I've done, but he loves me. So he'll find a way to put it behind us. And with Lila finally out of the way, we can have the life we've always dreamed of.

What I need to do, is get my hair done and get my makeup professionally done, so I can look my very, very best. I need to show him the woman he fell on love with all over again. I need to let him know that he made the right choice.

Our meeting is on Thursday. So I spent all day Wednesday, shopping and getting ready. On Thursday afternoon, I was sitting in my car in front of the little outdoor cafe that Mark had selected as our meeting place. When I saw him pull into the parking lot in his Mustang, I felt a tinge of excitement. It was almost like having our first date all over again. 

There was something different about him. Mark had never been a particularly flashy dresser. As far as GQ went, Mark honestly thought it stood for "God damned Queer." In fact, whenever we had to dress up, I picked his clothes for him. Bit there he was heading towards me in a navy dress shirt, navy slacks and a Gray sport, jacket. He looked good enough to eat. He had clearly gone shopping and gotten advice from someone, about how to look good.

He walked over to my car and opened the door for me. Mark had always been a gentleman. It was one of the things I loved most about him. I always felt protected and safe with him, especially when it was just the two of us. 

"You look beautiful," he said. My heart began beating faster. Visions of the two of us in bed flashed through my head. I smiled back at him.

I linked my arm through his and he recoiled. Mark had never ever refused my touch. He didn't refuse then either but it was clear that he hadn't expected it. And I wasn't sure that he wanted it. It reminded me that no matter what I thought, expected or wanted, we weren't out of the woods yet. I needed to be ready to fight for us, because Mark still needed convincing. 

One thing I had in my favor was that Mark had always been reasonable. Another was his love of family. And a third was the fact that I truly hadn't done anything for the last two years. Mark of course didn't know any of that. He was so upset about the thing with Dean that had ended seventeen or eighteen years before. 

My best course of action was to convince him that it had been caused by my depression after the birth of his daughter. I'd brought several articles on my phone for him to read.

We sat down at a table near the wall to give us more privacy. It was cozy and things were looking good. 

"Katherine, sometimes I almost forget now beautiful you are," he began. At that moment I knew things were going to be okay. "Maybe that's it," he continued. "Maybe a regular guy like me was never enough for you. But at any rate, you won't have any trouble replacing me."

That was when the wheels came off of the bus. I went from smiling at how easy things felt, to a full on headache in the blink of an eye.

"Why would I want to replace you?" I asked suspiciously.

The waiter came over and gave us menus. Mark ordered for both of us. I loved the fact that he always seemed to know exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it. 

"So have you given my request any thought?" he asked as the waiter stepped away. 

"What request?" I asked. "I already told you that I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again. Actually it hasn't happened in all of the time since the one you know about. And I explained what was going on then. While we eat I want you to look at something." 

I pulled out my iPhone and played one of the internet videos that I'd found. He watched it, but his face didn't change. I played another one for him and before the second video ended the waiter was back with our food. 

"Kath, let's just enjoy our lunch," he said. "We can have our talk after we eat."

"Mark there are some things that I'd like to talk about as well," I said. He looked at me suspiciously. "When are you coming home? This is becoming more ridiculous by the day."

He just smiled at me and cut into his steak. Then he stood up and walked around the table to my side. He picked up my knife and fork and cut my meat for me. When we were first married I had broken my arm playing tennis. During that time Mark had to cut my meat for me. I loved having him do it so he'd been doing it ever since. 

After we ate, we both decided against dessert in favor of a glass of wine for me and a beer for Mark. 

"Okay Kath," he said. "The floor is yours."

I looked over at him, realizing that this might be the most important talk we'd ever had. 

"Mark, I love you," I said. "I made a big dumb assed mistake, but it was at a time when I was not myself mentally. But as soon as I started to come out of it, I ended the relationship. I started to say I came back to you after I had ended it, but that isn't true because I never really left you. No matter what has been going on in my life, I have never even considered not being married to you, Mark. You're the icing on my cake. You're the best part of my life and I hope you have it in your heart to forgive me."

I felt really good about what I had said and even better when I noticed that he not only hadn't spoken but he sat there nodding his head. 

"So that's it?" he asked. "That's all you have to say? So our marriage ends with neither a whimper nor a roar? A relationship that lasted more than twenty years ends with a whispered lie? It's a pity."

He seemed to be really upset and I didn't understand. "What are you talking about, Mark?" I asked. 

"Lies, Katherine," he snapped. "For all of this time I never knew what a liar I married. Katherine, you didn't end the relationship with Dean. He ended it. You didn't stop because you loved us, or because you came to your senses. You came back to your own Husband and you child because Dean didn't want you anymore. Let me tell you something that you don't know, Katherine. Dean didn't break things off with you because he didn't love you. On the contrary, I think he loved you as much as I do. You strung two men along Katherine, for your own selfish needs. One of those two men was very stupid, Katherine, and the other was very honorable. 

Dean was the honorable one. As soon as he discovered that you had lied to him about being married, he kicked you out of his life, and his daughter's life, despite knowing how much it would hurt them. 

And as for me, eventually even the stupidest people learn something. And I know you now. I also know that Dean, as much as you lied about things, wasn't the only one. I've spoken to your sister, I know about the trips that you supposedly went on with her. I know that you never went with her. You went on trips of your own. And I know about the asshole down the street and how you carried on with him right under my nose. Boy, I was so stupid. But I'm not stupid anymore. 

Katherine, I gave you all of this time. I hope that you would come to terms with things and find the truth. But somehow it still seems to have eluded you. Even when I told you that only the truth would save us, you preferred the lie. So we're done Katherine. I've filed for divorce. You'll be served day after tomorrow. I'll be very fair. You'll get whatever the statutes mandate. But I'd like to get this over with quickly and move on with my life." He gestured for the waiter, paid the bill with his credit card and left, leaving me stunned. 

I'm not sure how long I sat there. At first I just felt heavy, as if the weight of everything on the planet was pushing its way down onto my thin shoulders. Then the tears started. The waiters were gathered in the area, wondering exactly how to go about handling me. I saved them the trouble. I got shakily to my feet and wandered towards my car. My car...that was funny. Like most of the things I had, Mark had bought it for me. 

I felt like doing a full on Kerrigan. I wanted to just find some quiet place to sit with my head down and scream out, "Why? Why? WHY?"

Why couldn't he forgive me? Why did he want a divorce? And most of all why had I been so stupid in the first place? Mark was my life. There was no way that I was going to simply give up. Things were going to get nasty before they got better. Perhaps my refusal to give him up would prove my love for him?

I knew him better than anyone else in the world. I had to use that knowledge against him. Mark had a tendency towards doing things in the most efficacious way. He usually preferred the easiest possible solution. Right now he was thinking that the easy thing to do would be to simply jettison me like yesterday's garbage. I would cause him so many problems that the easiest thing to do would be to just keep me.

At the same time, I needed to seriously look at what was wrong with me and why I did the things I did. I got into my car and drove home. Well...I drove to the house. It really hadn't felt like a home since Mark deserted me. On the way there, I called Lila. It was early afternoon and I couldn't remember whether or not she had a class. Actually it worked in my favor either way. If she didn't have class I could talk to her for a while. By talking to her, I could get her father to hear what I wanted to say to him. Lila was the surest conduit to Mark's brain and his heart. On the other hand if she didn't answer, she'd know that I had called and later on I could use the guilt over her not answering the phone when I was distraught and needed her, against her. 

But Lila answered. She waited until the fourth ring, but she picked up. 

"Hello Mother," she said. Her voice was even frostier towards me than usual. I had noticed over the years that when she spoke to me on the phone, even when things were going well, her tone was measured, almost professional sounding. But when she spoke to Mark, her voice was upbeat and happy. I got a flat sounding "Hello Mother," where Mark got a very cheerful and genuine sounding, "Hi Daddy!" 

If words wore clothing, her words to me would be dressed in funeral black, but those to her father would be dressed for the fucking beach.

"Lila...it's...it's me, Mom," I sniffled. 

"I know that," she said with no trace of warmth in her voice. "I have caller ID. Remember, when I answered, I said Hello Mother."

"Lila, this is going to be hard on you, Honey. But your father wants to divorce me and break up our family," I said. I listened intently. I would judge my next statement on her reaction. That reaction could be anything, from joining me in tears, to generally not giving a shit.

"I wonder why, Mother?" she said sarcastically. "I've spoken to Brina a lot. Mother, what exactly did I do to you? What was so bad that you abandoned me in favor of an older child, when I was a newborn? Was Brina that much better a child? I ask, because as an adult, Brina's pretty fucked up. Did you know that she made a play for Daddy? She follows me around trying to help me with everything. At first I thought that she was just being nice. But I really think that she has abandonment issues. 

Mother, you twisted that poor girl to the point that she wants what you have or had. She's so obsessed with you that she's trying to become you.

The funny thing is that I don't have those issues and I'm the one you abandoned. Maybe I don't have them because for most of my life, daddy picked up the slack. He was my mother and my father at the same time. So if you think..."

I quickly hung up the phone. Lila wouldn't be any help to me. I hated doing it, but I needed to put my own daughter on the enemies list. If she wasn't for me, she was against me. She wasn't a primary enemy though. I had always known that Lila would side with her father in any argument. Lila was simply misguided; just as her father was. Mark didn't realize how much I love him or the fact that I am the best woman for him. 

Without me, Mark would become another crusty, lonely, miserable divorced man. I couldn't let that happen to him when we were so close to having everything we'd always wanted. He would be far happier forgiving me and living our perfect life, than divorcing me and being miserable.

I needed my own lawyer and I needed a shark. I pulled over to the side of the road and pulled out my phone. I googled "divorce lawyers," and put in my zip code. There were more results than I expected. I called the top three results one after another and set up appointments for all of them. I drove to the first appointment then instead of going home. 

The first lawyer was an older man. He had that "doing the best for the family vibe," so I thanked him and walked out.

The second lawyer was a woman. She was all about protecting a woman's rights in a divorce. When she started talking about making sure that I maintained the home so Lila would have a place to go when she was home from school, I realized that she was not the one for me. Lila is over eighteen. She can and will make her own decisions regardless of what any lawyer or judge would say. There is simply no way that anyone could keep that girl away from her father. And I wasn't sure I'd want to. Even if Lila was fifteen or sixteen, I think I would have rather had her live with Mark.

She asked me about the reason for the divorce and when I explained it to her, the expression on her face changed. She was clearly one of those people who believe that cheaters should be punished and that infidelity is unforgivable.

I thanked her for her help and left her office as well. The next guy was different. His office was a huge place. He had a fountain in the middle of the outer office and art on the walls. He had a fat belly, smoked a cigar and wore a diamond pinky ring. "How much does your husband make and what do you want out of the divorce?" he asked. He blew a huge puff of smoke into the air. 

His entire demeanor was different. He didn't give a shit about me. I was just another case to him. "I want to stay married," I said. He took a big puff of his cigar and looked at me hungrily. 

"Haven't had one of those this month," he spat. He looked at me. "Are you trying to keep him from running off with a hotter or younger woman? Or did you cheat?"

"I..." I began. Before I could even complete my thought he spat another question.

"One time or multiples?" he asked.

"A few times," I said. "But you have to believe me, I..."

"Save it lady," he said. "You don't have to convince me. I don't care. The divorce game is just that. It's a game. The most successful players are the ones who best understand the rules and manipulate those rules the best. In this case it's like a volley ball game. Your husband wants to win. To do that he has to get more points than you do and have the divorce go in his favor or just be granted the divorce. 

"Your goal is different. You don't need to get more points. You don't care about points. You have two goals. The second goal is to keep your husband from getting the divorce long enough to get your first goal. Your first goal is to get him to take you back or at least to drop the divorce. I have to tell you though in all honesty, my goals are different from either of yours. My goal is to keep the ball in the air for as long as I can. As long as the ball is in the air, I'm getting paid. Do we understand each other? 

I will do anything I have to in order to keep getting paid," he said.

"You're hired," I said. I had found my shark.

"Have you already been served?" he asked. I shook my head. 

"He told me that it will probably be the day after tomorrow," I said. He smiled again. He handed me a sheaf of papers and a pen. "When do you need all of these back?" I asked.

"Now," he said. "As soon as you fill these out, I'm going to file. My goal is to have him served first. There are advantages to doing so. And another thing we gain is control. Right now he's in charge. He's sitting back like a fat cat. He's dictating what you do and how you feel. We're going to grab the control from him, by serving him first. If we get lucky, it'll knock him back on his heels and maybe he'll decide that he doesn't want a divorce."

"But what it he just accepts it?" I said. 

"Then we wait a few days and withdraw the petition," he smirked. "We can say that you've considered it and decided to try to fight for your marriage. Judges love that type of crap."

I filled on as much information as I could. Every time I finished a form he took it and added it to a file. "What do you think about the idea of having him served at work?" he asked. "That kind of embarrassment is devastating, but you have to be careful because it could backfire."

"I don't like that idea at all," I said. "Mark works in a hospital full of female doctors and nurses and all kinds of women. Having him served there would just let them know that he's available."

For the rest of the afternoon we went over strategy for almost every situation. When I left the office, I felt better about my chances of keeping Mark, but I still felt like shit that he wanted a divorce in the first place.

It was probably about six when I left the office. I couldn't believe that I had been there for that long. Tomorrow would be an important day. It would be the day that I started winning my husband back.

* * * * * *

Mark

"Okay, tell me about it," said Rachel. We were sitting at the small table in her tiny kitchen. I had just grilled a couple of steaks on a tiny grill on her tiny balcony. All of that smallness only served to make me miss my house even more. 

But the reality of the situation was that I would probably never live in my house again. Regardless of the way the settlement worked out, the chances of me living in that house were very slim. If we got a fair settlement, we'd have to sell the house and divide the proceeds. If Katherine got the better end of the deal, she'd get the house. And if I got the better end, which I didn't expect, I'd still sell the house because all of those years of memories would make moving forward more difficult. It's hard to move into the future when you're shackled to the past. 

"It was awful," I said. "I thought that with almost a week to think about things she'd see that I was serious and be ready to talk openly and honestly about things. But she just continued to give me the same old lies. And when I told her about what she's really been up to, she just looked at me as if none of it mattered. Her whole attitude was like "Yep I did it. Let's move on."

"Mark, what were you hoping for?" she asked. Her entire face showed her concern. 

"I guess I wanted her to come clean...and apologize or in some way show some type of remorse. I think that I just wanted to see that she truly wanted to try to change to save our marriage. But it's clear now that she really doesn't see that she did anything wrong. I loved her dearly, but if she doesn't see anything wrong with what she did, there's no reason that she won't do it again. I can't trust her," I said.

"Mark, I'm very sorry for your pain," said Rachel. "But I saw this coming from the very beginning. But you're a great guy. I'm very sure that you'll find someone else and it won't take too long. You'll find someone who'll love you the way that you need to be loved and won't ever cheat on you."

The next afternoon, just before my shift ended, I got a phone call. It was Katherine and she wanted me to stop by the house.

"Mark, you may as well come by and grab more clothes, maybe we can talk some," she said. "I don't want a divorce. I want us to stay together, but if you feel that's what we have to do, we may as well do it in a civil manner. We do have a daughter together. She is going to need both of us in her life. There are going to be times like her graduation, her wedding and the births of our grand kids where we're going to need to be around each other. We may as well get some practice being civil."