66 comments/ 143715 views/ 27 favorites Tim's Odyssey By: cageytee Bizarre! That's what my friends and family thought about my relationship with Amber. For the past 30 months or so, we have been friends. Perhaps I've been a better friend to her than she to me but that has yet to be seen. For about five months before that we weren't friendly at all, at least I certainly wasn't. For 23 years before that we were married to each other! What's bizarre to me is that yesterday I got a call from Sam (Samantha) to say that she is headed back home from her weekend across the state in St. Louis but that our discussion and our decision would have to be put on hold for a while as she was bringing someone back with her and she felt it was important. That "someone" was Amber! What in hell was Amber doing in St. Louis and more important, why was Sam bringing her home and why did we have to put our decision on hold? Sam and I aren't married but we have been living together for most of the past two years. The decision she referred to is that we planned to make a significant change in our "live-in" relationship and to have my ex-wife coming to interrupt that, is bizarre. *** I grew up in foster homes and group homes and learned to deal with life the hard way. Those years made me as physically tough as I needed to be to fight for and maintain a starting position on both my high school and college football teams and that, combined with enough intelligence, at least to get by, helped me achieve the financial success I currently have, . . . that is, with a whole lot of help from a friend. It has also helped me tough out the emotional problems in my life. As I said, I was in a number of foster homes since birth, but the one that had the most effect on me was the last one I was in, with old Charlie Evanston. I had been placed with him and his wife Edith, with whom he lived at the time. It was, as I recall, a wonderful loving and caring home and, overall, continued to be afterwards, but he caught Edith having sex with a neighbor one night after, both Charlie and she, along with the rest of their neighbors, had had a wild night of drinking and dancing at a street party. He insisted she leave and over the next few weeks bought out her share of their home. Because there was no other place immediately available for a teenage boy, the powers that be at the Children's Protection Service, let me stay with Charlie and I spent almost 3 more years there, visiting Edith on alternate weekends in her one bedroom apartment. Edith never recovered. Often, going there was a chore as she was usually very morose when she wasn't outright crying, often for the whole weekend. She went on and on about what an awful mistake she had made and how much it must have hurt Charlie to lead him to throw her out and not even consider letting her return. Sometimes she cheered up a little on the weekends when I was there, but her overall depression made it impossible for her to hold a job for long, yet she somehow got the rent paid and there was always enough food in the refrigerator. Charlie didn't show it, not at all, but I'm pretty sure he was hurting too. In a rare moment of intimacy between us one day, a year later, I asked him why he didn't forgive Edith. His face saddened visibly, he looked right at me and said, "This is between you and me and no one else, right?" I nodded. I could see tears coming to his eyes as he said, "I've already forgiven her. I loved her for too long and far too much not to forgive her." "Then why doesn't she come back to live with us?" "Because as much as I love her, it isn't enough for both of us and I don't believe she loves me enough. If she did, she wouldn't have fucked that son-of-a-bitch no matter how drunk she was. I miss her terribly but I can stand this hurt better than the hurt that comes from being with someone you know doesn't love you enough to remain true." That confused me at least a little as, every second weekend, I listened to Edith pour her heart out about how much she had hurt Charlie and how, knowing that she had hurt him, she had hurt herself too. Because of Charlie's refusal to let her return, her regret over her transgression and most of all her pain from hurting Charlie so badly, seemed obvious to me and although still very young at the time, I remember feeling that there was no way Edith would ever hurt him again but before I could say anything to him, he added, "Life is like a poker game, if you let them see how you are feeling, you lose! No matter how much you hurt inside, don't let anyone see it. Try to show that in spite of what has happened, you are getting on just fine. It will help you do exactly that. It will also help you avoid the embarrassment of foolish emotional behavior because the embarrassment and humiliation from your own stupidity, if you handle it badly, will last a lot longer than the emotional hurt of betrayal." *** Charlie would let me play ball all night if I wanted, provided that; first, my homework was done and second, I played as well as I could. Charlie said, "If you're not putting your best into it, you shouldn't be doing it." I practiced more than I played and when I played, I did it well! I won a full ride at State and, with additional alumni support, actually had a decent income from a part-time sinecure as well, as long as my grades were good and I was a starter. There were no end to the girls and women who were available, given my status as a school "jock", and as well as a reputation for being a top athlete, I also had a reputation for fucking and drinking my way through the school. *** For most of my high school years, I didn't date and of course remained a virgin but my cherry was taken just after I turned eighteen, by Marci James. I was 5' 11'' and 195 lbs of muscle and co-ordination and her boyfriend at the time, although he was bigger than me, tried to beat on me for accidentally bumping in to her one day. I beat him to a pulp right in front of her and Marci, screwed up as she was, was so turned on by it all that later that day she seduced me in the park underneath the bleachers. There wasn't much foreplay. Once under the seats, she took me in her arms and kissed me, forcing her tongue into my mouth. I had been jerking off regularly for years by then and had a pretty good idea what this was all about. My cock was hard as hell. After the kiss, she stepped back, opened her blouse, unhooked her bra in front, letting the first tits I had ever seen in the flesh fall free and then she told me to suck on them. I wasn't at all slow on the uptake and I soon had my lips locked on a nipple. It seemed to me that I was only at it for a few moments when she pushed me back, fell to her knees, unbuckled my pants, pulled down the zipper and pulled my jeans and boxers down to my knees, freeing my erect cock. In moments I went from a guy who had never seen tits in the flesh, to a guy getting his first blowjob! The feeling was incredible and I came quickly, too quickly, but she kept sucking, trying, I guess, to keep it hard. After a while, she stopped and told me to lie down on my back. When I did, she knelt beside me and got back to the blowjob. When I was hard again, she stood up, lifted her skirt and pulled off her panties. She straddled me and sat down on my cock, taking it in, in one stroke and I was being fucked for the first time. Even after having just cum in her mouth, I knew I was ready to cum again as she bounced up and down on me. It's amusing now, but it was serious then. After only a minute or so (or so I remember it) she gasped as if in pain and I momentarily panicked thinking I had hurt her, but as she recovered from what I now know to be an orgasm, she looked down at me with the same look I had seen in a number of porn photos that I jerked off on and I came for the second time as she lifted off me. On disengaging, she grabbed my cock and jerked me until I was spent. She told me I was a good fuck and she might just call me sometime, then she left. Afterwards I took her panties home with me. I don't remember what I was thinking at the time, perhaps a souvenir or a trophy, but that turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. I didn't hide them very well and when Charlie was picking up clothes for the laundry one day, he found them. When he asked, I told him the whole story. He smiled a bit and asked me if we had used a "rubber". When I asked what he meant, he explained it, then told me we were going to see the doctor. Dr. Granet and Charlie told me about STD's and that the exam showed I wasn't infected . . . this time. They taught me about condoms and Charlie insisted that I keep one with me and that I use one every time, without exception, until I was ready to assume the responsibilities of a parent or I was ready to let myself possibly catch AIDS or any number of other STD's. For my senior year, with my status as a starter for both our football and basketball teams, I was buying condoms by the dozen and later I used even more when I got to college. *** Shortly before my high school graduation, Edith died quite suddenly. About a month later, Charlie told me he was going to retire after I graduated and move back to New Mexico, where he was born and raised, to live with his brother and sister. He sold the house we lived in and invested half the money, about $85,000, in a portfolio that he gave me, telling me that upon graduation I was on my own. I missed him terribly but knew he wouldn't like me saying so. We kept in touch by telephone now and then, but I still felt alone. To cope, during my first college year, I buried myself in studies, sports and getting laid, not necessarily in that order. We had a winning record in my first year and some of the local papers listed me as the main reason. In my sophomore year, we got all the way to the Division final but lost on a record field goal kicked by the opposition on the last play of the game. Again, the local media featured me as a leading reason for our team's success. However we were losing a number of starters to graduation and we were, for the following year, going to be, once more, a mediocre team. By my Junior Year at university, now playing on that "mediocre" team, I was becoming bored with it all. My grades were O.K. but I was having difficulty getting excited about the sports and the parties, even getting laid. I had a few threesomes, both me with two women a couple of times and I double teamed a cheerleader with Robbie Kemper one time, but even that wasn't enough to keep me interested. I had been majoring in Kinesiology thinking I would teach Gym but one night I attended a seminar on running your own business and got hooked on the idea. In my senior year, I took a number of business courses and didn't complete the required courses for my degree in Kinesiology thinking I would stay another year or two and graduate with a double major. That caused some problems with my eligibility to play football and almost cost me everything, as I needed the scholarship to finance my education and avoid dipping into the money Charlie had given me. Thanks to help from one of the business law professors I was reinstated on appeal and got an extra year of eligibility. It was in his Business Law course that I met Amber. I saw her as more "cute" than beautiful at first. She was really bright and very successful, academically. When I looked a little more carefully, I saw a great personality and really nice figure with what I would estimate to be size "B" tits and great legs. She was on track to become a lawyer and was taking this business law course as an option. I often sat with her, even had one study group with her and we became friendly if not friends. By the end of that year I was fascinated with her and although we continued our friendship, she would not go out with me. She was quite open about the reason. "I'm not about to become a notch on your belt!" she told me. "Your reputation precedes you." As I said, I was rapidly tiring of that lifestyle and I continued to pursue her, being careful not to over do it. For the rest of that year, I focused on my contribution to our team and on my studies, not to mention working on getting nearer to Amber, but the closest I got to a date with her was coffee after study group and one night after most of the group had met in the on-campus pub, she let me walk her back to her apartment and kissed me on the cheek when she said goodnight. At the end of that school year I attended an orientation program for three weeks then I worked for six weeks in the summer as a teaching assistant in a summer school program and when that was over, I flew to New Mexico to visit Charlie for a week before training camp opened. Over that entire time I didn't see Amber at all. I did call her apartment few times but got no answer and once, about four weeks into the summer school program, I left a message and one night later, when I got home, I found a message waiting from her in return saying, thanks for the call, she was hoping to hear from me but that she was about to vacation with a cousin and would be out of town for about three weeks and she would be back the week before school started. *** I arrived in New Mexico to find that Charlie was not well! He looked feeble and pale and much older than the 66 he was. His brother Alan told me that Charlie was excited about me coming and was actually better than he had been for months before I visited. He must have been pretty bad then! We spent a terrific week together but it was difficult for me because Charlie had taught me to keep my feelings to myself and he did it too. I loved him and I was pretty sure he loved me as well, but nothing was said by either of us. I hated to leave him at the end of that week but training camp was starting and I had to be there to keep my scholarship. When I left, I was afraid that it might be the last time I would see Charlie alive. *** As I slid into my seat on board the plane for the trip back, a "million to one" chance happened to me for the first of two times in my life, for when I looked up, I saw Amber taking a seat about two rows in front of me. I managed to switch seats with the man beside her and I enjoyed her company all the way home, taking my mind off my sorrow at leaving Charlie. She had been visiting a cousin for a few weeks and was now headed back to school just as I was. "You've changed!" she told me after I told her about my visit with Charlie and something of my life with him. "You are calmer and maybe more . . . mature." In response I said, "More mature enough that you'll go out with me?" She did, and in between road games we dated on weekends and then, about midway through the season, she started coming to my away games along with a group of other fans. We spent some quiet evenings at home too, either in my apartment or hers, but she made it clear she was not getting into my bed nor would I get into hers. She had had sex with a boy at her high school when she was 15 but he had been clumsy and selfish and, over all, it wasn't a great experience. As a result, she had decided to wait until she met "the right guy" before she went any further. Some of our sessions got hot and heavy but she would push away gently before it got too far and as difficult as it was to do, I always respected her wishes. One night we actually slept together. We had been studying for an international business course well into the night and we both fell asleep on the sofa in her apartment and didn't wake until early the next morning. When I left, we both laughed at what the neighbors must be thinking. *** Near the end of that year we accepted an invitation from Amber's friend Lisa to spend a long weekend at her boyfriend's estate in Iowa. It was huge and definitely upper crust. His parents were there but the place was so big we hardly ever saw them. We were each given our own room and the bedrooms were larger than any two rooms in my apartment. There was every luxury you could imagine including a gym, hot tubs and a pool. One thing that became apparent was that Amber's "friend" Lisa was putting the make on me. She touched me at every opportunity and managed to sit with me at every meal. She frequently bent down to pick up something letting her blouse fall away from her magnificent braless tits. Late Friday night she wore the briefest of skirts while she took me on a tour of the grounds. At one point, she was walking up some stairs in front of me and either she was wearing what had to be a mini thong or she was bare under that skirt. Needless to say, her boyfriend Eric seemed to be interested in Amber as he took her on a separate tour. I managed to get through it on the Friday night and Saturday morning but by noon I took Amber aside and told her what was obvious, at least to me, that they were looking to swap. Amber blushed and responded that she had let Lisa think we were sleeping together as she was tired of her lectures about how great it was to get fucked. Then she blushed and said there was more but that she was too embarrassed to tell me. I've never seen myself as an insecure person but somehow the only thing I could think of was that Amber somehow wanted Eric and was using me to get Lisa out of the way. I was hurt, but being true to Charlie's teaching, I never let it show. I told Amber that I wasn't interested in Lisa and that I would be content to leave but that I could probably distract Lisa long enough for her to get Eric into her room before I did. Amber was upset that I would think such a thing but did admit that she had been thinking about going along with the switch because she felt that in our relationship, we were close to making love and she was afraid she had too little experience and felt she would need more if she wanted to keep a guy like me who had "been around". When Lisa had expressed an interest in swapping, Amber felt it might be a way to get that experience but the thought of me sleeping with Lisa put her off that idea. Hearing me say I wasn't interested in Lisa made Amber rethink it all! That seemed to be the turning point in our relationship. She went directly to Lisa and told her we weren't interested in swapping then she proceeded to move her things into my room. That night she came to my bed wearing a simple cotton night dress and after some hot and heavy foreplay, she had me take it off her. We made love and, although exciting because it was our first time, we were both nervous and didn't really get off all that well. Lisa's concern as she expressed it to me afterward was that she had so little experience and I had so much. She told me that she had even considered breaking up with me to gain some experience on her own, but feared I would meet someone else and she and I might never get back together. I told her that just being with her, experienced or not, was exciting to me and that she would soon learn what she wanted me to do and what she didn't. On hearing this, for the rest of our time together, Lisa approached that aspect of our lives like any other subject she studied. She set out to learn how to be damned good at it! *** She was an eager student and over our years together, she not only became adept but also creative and I believed I was the luckiest man alive. The only small mark in our relationship was that she often said she felt she brought so little experience to our sexual relationship that she was concerned that she might not be giving me all that I wanted or needed or worse, that I would tire of her and find someone else. I reassured her that she was all that I wanted and we went ahead and got married. Charlie came to the wedding. Tim's Odyssey The closest I ever saw him come to being "emotional" was when he told me what he thought of Amber. He adored her and was adamant that I not "fuck up" and let this one get away. That advice kept me on the straight and narrow for my entire married life. I took a job with the Deston Conglomerate in their trailer leasing firm after college, while I decided what sort of business I would get into on my own. Amber joined a very well respected law firm, Kallen and Associates located near my work. About seven months later there was a "hostile" takeover bid from a rival corporation and like everyone else that worked at Deston, I started to worry about losing my job. True to Charlie's credo however, I never let it show. In the midst of that action we received word from his brother that Charlie had died. Amber went with me to the funeral. At the wake, Alan told me that he and Charlie were joint owners of the family home, that it was too big for just he and his wife now that Charlie was gone and that they wanted to sell. He already had a cash offer of $450,000 for the property which had no mortgage. He wanted to know if that was O.K. with me. Seeing my confusion at being asked, he guessed that Charlie had neglected to tell me that I was his sole heir and that Alan needed my permission to sell. Not only that, but Charlie had also invested his half of the proceeds from the sale of the house where we had lived together. That too was to be mine. Over the next few days as I went through Charlie's records I made another interesting discovery. In spite of the fact that Edith had betrayed Charlie and he had literally thrown her out over it, the financial records showed numerous payments made to keep her rent up to date and to keep her grocery, utility and medical bills paid. He would never take her back but he continued to take care of her anyway. All told, Charlie had left me about $360,000 in liquid funds and combined with the value of the portfolio he had given me when he moved to New Mexico, I had a net worth of almost a half million dollars . . . in cash! *** Three weeks after Charlie's funeral, I was an active participant, along with my wife, in the bidding war for Deston's stock, to circumvent the hostile takeover bid. I was guided by Sam Wasterman, the General Manager of the firm whom I had come to admire and respect during my first 7 months there. In the deal I made with him, in return for my voting support with our stock, combined with others who were supporting him, he agreed to hire Kallen and Associates, (a local corporate law firm who just happened to have a relatively new associate named Amber Backford, my wife), and to take me on as his administrative assistant. Over the next three years we built the Company into international status and our net worth (Amber's and mine) increased to close to a million dollars. Amber was made a Junior Partner in her law firm based on her excellent work during the takeover bid in spite of the fact that she had taken a leave 18 months after she began there, to give birth to our son Charlie. She took another leave 2 years later to have Karen, our daughter, who has been the "apple of daddy's eye" ever since. Over all, I would say that our lives from that point were "privileged". After 22 years of marriage, Amber was a senior partner in her firm, we were majority owners of Deston Corporation, a company now worth about $20,000,000, (nearly half of it ours), I was President and C.E.O. and our kids were both off to college, Charlie studying medicine in New York and Karen studying law in California. We were on our own once again. We were much like every other couple through those times. We had our ups and downs, more ups, I think. We had some quarrels but they never lasted very long and neither of us could remember what they were about. Our sex lives did the normal things as the kids came along but for the most part it was very good. When the kids were first gone, it got better. We were both able to cut back on our schedules. I moved "up" to Chairman of the Board and we promoted a senior staff member to C.E.O., we traveled more and we spent more time together playing both tennis and golf and all that contributed to a much more active sex life between us. There was one remarkable time in the fall a while back when we went to a Halloween party at the club. Amber's costume included a wig which she found irritating to her skin. Rather than switch costumes, she approached the C.E.O. of a company for whom she had done some corporate work and that woman gave her a sample of one of the "high end" wigs they manufactured. It was remarkable as it completely changed Amber's appearance from her rather short natural blonde to a shoulder length brunette. With a little make up to darken the eyebrows, she was a different person. At the party she had a great time because, whenever we were not together, people didn't recognize her. We both enjoyed it when she was able to start and carry on a conversation with someone who didn't realize who she was and was wondering how this "stranger" knew what she did. We laughed all the way home. That night she came to bed wearing only the wig and some make up! She began by having me on my back while she lay beside me passionately kissing me. After a while she began to stroke my cock while we were kissing. After I was as hard as I would ever get, she sat up, straddled my head facing my feet and planted her very wet pussy on my face. I ate her like there was no tomorrow. Through that, right up to an almost violent orgasm, she continued to stroke my cock. When she came down from that orgasmic high, she turned around and straddled me again, this time sitting down on my cock. She took my hands and pulled them to her breasts and I kneaded them while she rode me. Her nipples became as hard as rocks and after only a few minutes it was obvious she would cum again. When she did, I was carried along with her and I spilled as much into her as I ever had before. We kissed tenderly and as I was just settling in to that post orgasmic bliss we so often shared, I was shocked when she pushed up and turned, taking me into her mouth again. Even with my age working against us, she still got me hard again, then, laid back urging me to "fuck" her. I don't recall in all our years together hearing her talk like that while we were making love. I did fuck her, and having just cum, it lasted long enough for her to cum twice before I finally came again. We hadn't pulled off something like that since we first began having sex! Next morning my wife was once again blonde and still her wonderful self. "Did you enjoy yourself last night?" she asked with a huge smile on her face. "I most certainly did!" "By the way," she continued, "who was that brunette you left the party with? She looked pretty hot!" Getting into the joke I replied, "Damn, she was! It was as good a night as I've ever had." "Was she the best you've ever had?" Joking or not, this was headed in a direction that could be trouble and the look on her face reflected something that I could not interpret as amusement, so I replied, "No. She was really hot, but I much prefer my wife.", a reply which netted me a huge smile, a kiss and a hug. Later she did ask me, "Did you get off on fucking a strange woman last night?" "It was exciting for me mostly because I felt you were particularly excited. Was I wrong?" "No, you weren't! It was just a fantasy of course but for a moment it was like I was someone else and I could do what I want with impunity because no one knew who I was." She answered, then she blushed as she said, "I would normally not be as aggressive as I was last night except that I had the feeling you thought I was someone else and it seems to have worked for you too!" I took her in my arms and kissed her gently and said, "I find that someone else to be very exciting and it's best of all when she turns out to be you." The rest of that week took on a kind of "honeymoon" theme but without the wig. *** Although relatively rare, Amber did occasionally travel on business. Just before Thanksgiving that year she had to go to Miami to meet with a client. She was supposed to be gone about three days but she called shortly after arriving there to say that two of the people she was to meet with had been out to dinner the night before and both had some sort of food poisoning and would not be available to meet in the foreseeable future . She had arranged a flight back home to Kansas City the following morning but she would arrive later in the day as the only flight she could get at such short notice had a long stopover in Atlanta. We talked again that evening and once more the following afternoon while she was in Atlanta. That was unusual but not so much so that I was in any way suspicious. I enjoyed talking with her! In retrospect, I realize that she was especially affectionate when she arrived home late that afternoon giving me a great big kiss and hug as soon as she emerged from the limo that picked her up at the airport. That spilled over into a late evening, candlelit dinner complete with our favorite wine and we ended up eating each other for dessert. She had worn an ankle length skirt to dinner and after a lengthy, suggestive conversation, she sat on the sofa in our living room, hoisted up the skirt to show that she was not wearing panties and had me eat her to orgasm. When she recovered from that, she stripped off the rest of her clothes and asked me to follow her to our bedroom where she sucked me almost to orgasm then mounted and fucked me until I came. She remained in that affectionate mode for the rest of the week and on the following Wednesday we drove together to the airport to pick up our daughter Karen who, along with her brother, was coming home for the Thanksgiving weekend. We took Karen out for a late lunch in the City on the Missouri side then returned to the airport to pick up Charlie, then returned home. Usually Amber is so caught up in the kids being home that there is little sexual intimacy between us, but not that weekend. With the exception of me eating her in the living room, we continued to behave as she had upon her return from Miami. It was great! We enjoyed having the kids home and we enjoyed each other. Her trip to Miami was rescheduled for early December. I had been putting off a trip to New York and decided I would be away when Amber was. We had the same departure and return days but my flight was much later than hers. We went to the airport in the same limo but arranged separate ones to return home. As my flight left last, I walked her to her gate then, after she left, I went to mine. *** The trip to New York was uneventful except for a very nice dinner with our son Charlie. I spoke with Amber each night. Up till then we hadn't been in the habit of daily phone calls when apart, but lately Amber had taken to calling me and often asking me to call her in the evenings and I enjoyed all my interaction with her. I finally finished my business and headed home on the scheduled flight There was a very short delay which was explained to us as we taxied to the runway at Kennedy International. Apparently there was a bad storm in Kansas City but they had decided it may have abated by the time we arrived, so the flight was released. Later in the flight we were told that the storm had stalled in the Kansas City area and that we were being diverted to St. Louis until alternate arrangements could be made to get us to our destination. By the time we landed we were told that there would be an estimated 4 – 5 hour layover before we could resume our flight home. There were two other Kansas City bound flights that had arrived hours ahead of us and we would get out right after them. I tried to reach Amber both at home and on her cell phone as she was to get there before me and when I couldn't, it occurred to me that Amber might also be here in St. Louis as her flight was before mine. I began looking for her in the terminal. I was momentarily distracted as a photographer was taking apparently random pictures of the unusually large number of people in the terminal and one of them included me as I searched through it. In any case, I didn't see her so I returned to the very crowded waiting area by my gate. Quite some time later, the second "one in a million chance" event occurred in my life. Just before the first flight was released to Kansas City, I became aware of a young man who seemed to be arguing with the woman beside him. She was seated and facing away from me but he was seated beside her and had turned to face her. He was apparently trying to convince her to return to their hotel and she was refusing and trying desperately to get him to be quiet. It was amusing but certainly none of my business so I went back to the novel I was reading. Later I looked up as they both stood and began to walk away, him still trying to convince her to stay. I turned back to my book before my mind processed all that I had seen, but when it did, I jumped to my feet and followed them. It had taken a few moments for me to realize that the brunette he had been arguing with looked all too familiar, particularly when she stood and walked away. Although I could not imagine why she would, it made me think of Amber, wearing the wig she got for Halloween. After a search of the gates in that direction I didn't see her but I did see the guy who had been with her pass through a gate for a plane to Boston. On the way back to my gate I passed the photographer I had seen before and on a whim asked if he would mind showing me the pictures he had taken in the last few minutes as I thought I had seen an old girlfriend go down this way and I wondered if he might have caught her in one of his pictures. He agreed and after examining 6 of his digital pictures, we came across one that I was positive was Amber wearing the wig. I gave the photographer $20 and ripped a fifty in half promising him the other half if he would make a copy and send it to me. He said he could do better than that and offered to download it to my laptop right there and then. An hour and a half later I was on my way home with a picture on my computer of my wife in the St. Louis airport wearing the wig. My mind and my heart were in a turmoil all the way home. I ranged from, perhaps this was some sort of foolish prank, to a full fledged, she is doing something she shouldn't. Perhaps cheating! I took the limo home to find another candlelit dinner ready and waiting for me, my wife wearing a blouse tied at the waist with no bra and a knee length skirt under which I later learned she was not wearing panties. It took only a millisecond for her to realize I was upset! She asked what was wrong and I started up my laptop, loaded her picture and asked her point blank, "This is you wearing the wig isn't it?" She blanched but regained control and asked, "Yes, it looks like it is. Where did you get that?" "In St. Louis!" She completely lost her composure and fell into the chair behind her putting her face in her hands, now crying. "Oh my God Tim, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Her bawling made it impossible for me to get all she was saying and it took me a while to make out her repeating over and over, "This can't be happening to me! It can't!" In my fear and confusion I latched on to the only advice I can ever remember getting that would help me handle whatever this was. "Don't let them see how you are feeling. If you do, you lose!" I put on my best "poker" face and waited patiently for Amber to calm down wanting desperately to hold her and comfort her, but this was not the time, so I waited. It seemed to take forever before she settled down long enough for me to ask, "Who was the guy?" That started another round of bawling that delayed an answer. As soon as the opportunity came, I asked again, "Who was the guy Amber?" I couldn't make out the answer because she still had her face buried in her hands. When she finally looked up her face was wet and I remember being struck by the size of the tears running down her cheeks. They were huge. I finally made out that she said, "I don't know. A guy named Jerry from Boston. I've never met him before." "Why were you wearing the wig and what was all that about?" I asked, fearing I knew the answer. "Tim, I love you. I always have and I always will." "Why the wig? What's going on?" I asked again. In spite of my determination not to show how I was feeling, I was beginning to get angry. "Please let me go to the bathroom and get myself together and I'll answer." She sobbed. About 5 minutes later she emerged from the bathroom, poured herself a brandy then sat down beside me and began to explain. She was still sobbing but had enough control to be heard and understood. "When we were first married, I worried about how our sex life would be. I had virtually no experience and what little I did have was bad. I wondered if I could keep you happy. That all faded pretty fast as I loved what we did together and I was, still am, convinced you were happy too. After the Halloween party when we made love with me still wearing the wig and pretending you were having sex with some other woman, started me wondering again what it would be like to have sex with another man. I knew I would never do it because I couldn't bear to see you hurt . . ." She stopped and looked at me, her face a mask of pain, ". . . like you are now." she finished as more huge tears rolled down her cheeks. "I began by fantasizing that I could try it and not have anyone, not even the guy I did it with, know who I was. No one would know and you would not be hurt. I thought that if I picked someone up far from home, looking much different, there would be no chance anyone would know." "How many men have you been with?" I asked far more calmly than I felt. "He was the only one and he is the last and would have been the last even if you had not found out." As I started to exclaim what a remarkable co-incidence that was, she quickly added, "I tried it in Atlanta on my way home from Miami last time. With the long layover, I left the airport and went to a nearby hotel where I put on the wig. I met a guy in the bar that I liked but at the last minute I chickened out and went back to the terminal to wait for the flight. This time I put the wig on in Miami. The girl who checked my picture I.D. when I went through security didn't even notice the change in appearance from my passport. I met Jerry at the gate in Miami and I liked him. He was hitting on me a little, not too aggressively and I thought about it but chickened out again and stayed at the airport and later boarded the plane, still wearing the wig. We ended up sitting together as he had his seat changed and when we were diverted to St. Louis he told me he would not be going on to Kansas City and had rebooked back to Boston. It seemed like the perfect opportunity. I would fuck him, find out once and for all what it was like and never have to see him again nor let you find out. As soon as I did it, I would burn the wig and that would be the end of it! I tried to rationalize it by thinking it would help me make our sex life better but that isn't true. It was a selfish act and I'm sorry I did it. Not only has it hurt you but it wasn't even exciting. I was so upset with myself and what I was doing that it turned out to be an ordeal and I had no idea how to stop what I had started without causing a fuss and maybe being found out. I convinced myself that it would get better when I relaxed but I didn't and it didn't. On the way back to the terminal from the hotel he tried to convince me to stay the night. When I wouldn't do it, he asked for a number where he could call me and I refused. He actually followed me to the gate trying to convince me to let him come to Miami and meet me again." Tim's Odyssey "Miami?" I questioned. "I told him my name was Janet Brownlee and that I was from Miami and going to Kansas City and Des Moines on business." I was trying to keep control but I was losing ground. Tears were welling up in my eyes. "Tim, believe me, it was a stupid, selfish act on my part. I love you and only you. You have done nothing wrong to drive me away and I love making love with you. I love everything about you and about us. I just thought I wanted to know what it was like with someone else. Seeing what I have done makes me embarrassed and ashamed. I am very sorry Tim. I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I'll stop all business trips, trips of any kind without you. I'll quit working if you want me to. I have already destroyed the wig because I had already decided never to do it again! You will find the remains of it in the downstairs fireplace. I did it before you got home. I knew before you got here that I would never do it again!" she repeated. "Damn you Amber!" I shouted, startling her, "How could you do that to us? You pissed away all that we had because you were curious? Our marriage was less important than your curiosity?" "It was a mistake, a very bad mistake." "No Amber, a mistake is something you do on the spur of the moment. You put that wig on long before the moment. You prepared for this mistake in advance. Did you use a condom?" "Yes!" "Who had it?" "Me." "That's not a spur of the moment thing Amber." "Please don't do anything rash Tim. I know you're hurt and angry. You have every right to be, but if I ever meant anything to you, please don't do anything until you've had a chance to calm down. Please Tim, please." The pain was becoming unbearable. My wife, whom I loved more than anything or anyone had gone out and fucked another guy and had planned for it in advance using her wig to disguise herself , even buying the condoms. I knew in my heart that our marriage was over. How could I ever trust her again? What else is she "curious" about? The potential list was endless. I was in a turmoil! My thoughts ranged from strangling her right there and right then to forgiving her out of fear of being without her for the rest of my life and I was struggling for some way to cope. "Don't let them see how you feel. If you do, you lose!" was all that came into my mind. I can stand the hurt of being without her better that the hurt of living with someone who doesn't love me enough to avoid turning to another man, in this case a stranger, because she was "curious". I put on my best "poker face" once again and said as calmly as I could. "I'm going into town at least for tonight. I'll call you tomorrow or the next day." Packing an overnight bag that night was the hardest thing I have ever done. The whole time Amber pleaded with me not to go. She promised anything I wanted if I would please forgive her and stay. It wouldn't make any difference in my decision to leave, I was sure, but I somehow couldn't avoid checking the downstairs fireplace on my way out and sure enough, the remains of what was probably the wig was there. Just as she said, she had burned it even before I confronted her. Too bad she didn't burn it weeks ago! I knew I would forgive her. I have loved her for too long not to, but I would not stay with her. That would be a terrible life for us both. For her it would mean having her every move watched. A lifetime of worrying, not only about what she was doing, but what it might appear she was doing; for me, a lifetime of wondering if she was at it again, a lifetime of living with someone who didn't love me enough to avoid turning to another man for sex because she was "curious". It was after two days and nights of soul searching that I called Amber and arranged to meet her at what used to be our home. She looked at least as bad as I felt but at least she had stopped that bawling. After a few difficult moments while she began apologizing again, I got her to stop and told her what I proposed. "We have had a lot of good years together so we should arrange to split as amicably as possible." That statement led to another round of crying and pleading and it took a threat to leave there and then before she calmed herself. I suggested we tell the kids that we had just grown apart and had separated by mutual consent. Amber's sobbing changed once again to a wail and I followed through with my threat to leave. The pain wasn't any better the following two days and I found myself shedding a few tears of my own except that I didn't have to bear the embarrassment of doing in front of anyone else. Two days later I called again and suggested I would drop over after lunch. I was taken back a little when Amber asked if 3:00PM would be O.K. She was finally calm and I quickly agreed. When I arrived a few moments past 3:00, there was another car in the drive which I was pretty sure was Amber's sister, Erin's. Erin is her older sister and the two of them have always been close and I liked her a lot. Once in the door Erin hugged me and kissed me on the cheek the way she always did. Although it may just have been my imagination, the hug seemed to last longer than it had before. Amber just stood in the hallway still looking somewhat worn and ragged, but at least for the moment, much calmer than the earlier encounters. Erin got right to the point. "Amber has told me what she has done and for the record, I'm shocked and very disappointed in her but I'm her sister and I love her and will do what I can to support her and, if you'll let me, whatever I can do to support you too Tim." "Thanks Erin. I appreciate that but I cannot see this marriage going on. I love her too, but I don't trust Amber and I think trying to carry on to get past this will just be subjecting our lives to more fear and suspicion and I don't want that to happen. I don't want any revenge. I don't want to hurt Amber. Quite the contrary, I want to end this as amicably as possible and let both of us get on with our lives." Erin's look was a somber as it could be and I began steeling myself for an argument but none came. "As much as I love you both and want you to be happy together, I can't really blame you Tim and I've already told Amber that. I am asking though, that you two keep in close touch at least for the foreseeable future." I thought about it for a while then responded, "I hope we can be friendly again sometime Erin, but right now I'm so hurt and angry that it's all I can do to avoid lashing out at her and end up saying something we'll both regret. I'm so full of bitterness over her infidelity that I can't be friendly about it. Maybe that will change. I hope it does, but until it does I need to have space between us." It was then that Amber spoke. "Tim I'm ready to hear whatever you have to say, no matter how angry and bitter you feel. I created this mess and I'll take what's coming to me. Erin has already convinced me that that stupidity on my part will possibly cost me our marriage. Whatever comes of it, Ill do anything I can to lessen your pain. What I did was a stupid selfish act and, so help me God, I cannot say why I did it or what I was thinking other than I was curious and I thought, given the circumstances, no one could possibly find out. Even the guy I fucked has no idea who I am. Anything I say now can only be self serving and you didn't deserve to have me do it to you and you don't deserve to be subjected to me trying to justify it either." It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep my emotions to myself. I had to get out of there right away. The urge to take Amber into my arms and tell her everything would be O.K. was too strong and if I let myself do that I would have been lying. I muttered something about sending an e-mail over with ideas about how we would deal with all this and if we were agreed, we'd have our lawyer draw it up, then, I abruptly turned and left to hide the tears welling in my eyes. Two days later I had a proposal drafted that basically claimed to our friends and family that we had grown apart and decided to separate, that we would each take our personal belongings, that we would set aside sufficient funds to allow the kids to finish school and create a trust fund for them from our assets, that we would divide our remaining assets in half on the understanding that, included in my share, would be a controlling interest in Deston, that Amber could include the house, our cottage and some investment properties we owned in her share and that no alimony nor support of any kind would be paid by either party. We were both wealthy even with the assets divided and neither of us would want for anything, except . . . what we once had together and could no longer have! Amber agreed with everything except the story to family and friends and before I could discuss it with her, I got calls from both Charlie and Karen who both had been called and told all the gory details by their mother. Needless to say, both were upset but what caught me off guard was how angry Karen was with her mother. I would have expected Charlie to be the more angry of the two but he quickly pointed out that she was still his mother and he would find a way to get along with her. Karen, on the other hand said she would be O.K. if she never saw her mother again. *** We somehow struggled through Christmas and I went through the most miserable New Year"s celebration I could ever imagine. The next 5 months were a blur to me! I can remember incidents but not that much of the detail of what went on. I had already cut back from work and I had good people who made sure everything ran the way it was supposed to. I purchased a nice 3 bedroom home with a beautifully finished recreation room, a small gym, a pool and hot tub. The separation was formalized and the divorce papers signed. Amber wanted to have the cause listed as "adultery" but we settled on "irreconcilable differences". I saw very little of her as all communications were done through Dan Weston, our lawyer, Charlie, our son and Erin, her sister. Karen lasted almost three weeks in refusing to talk to her Mom and only relented when, one night on a conference telephone call with her brother and me, we convinced her to call her Mom and start mending the relationship. It was most of another month before Karen began to talk about her mom in a way anything near normal. For the most part, it was an awful time for me. I missed Amber terribly but managed to convince myself that it was the right thing to do and that I would be even more miserable living with someone I loved but couldn't trust. Finally after a particularly bad weekend when the final divorce decree was granted, I decided it was time to take some positive steps. I had been turning down invitations to attend a variety of social events up till then but realized that was a bad move. I needed to get out and meet people and maybe even date again. *** The first function I attended was a dinner and silent auction in support of a local charity. It wasn't bad and I did reconnect with some friends from the golf club and did make a date to play which I enjoyed a great deal. At the second function, a wine and cheese affair at a private art gallery owned by the wife of one of my executive staff members, and the third, a dinner before the opening night at our local theater, I was shocked at the number of women, mostly divorcees, but some who were married (and at least one whose husband was there with her that night) who hit on me. Never, even on a night when Amber had been feeling amorous and "touchy feely", did my ass get such a workout. It might have shocked me but it did convince me that I might just still be "dating material" so I set down to get back into socializing. I made a list of the single women I know and examined the list to see who I might like to go out with. It took a while because I think I might have been comparing them to Amber and the way she and I used to be. When I got past that, I settled on Marge Gambol, who had been divorced from her husband Phil about two years ago. They were a few years older than us but I liked Marge and Phil and can remember being disappointed when I heard their marriage had failed. The event was a dinner and dance put on by the foundation that supports our children's hospital and when I called, Marge accepted immediately. I had called about two weeks in advance and was surprised to receive a call from Marge the next day asking me to dinner at her place the Saturday evening prior to the event. I accepted. I took a bottle of one of my favorite wines and went off to my first date, other than Amber, in almost 30 years. It was fun! Marge is an interesting person and I enjoyed her company that night. It was inevitable that we would discuss divorces at some point and I stuck with the story that Amber and I had parted ways by mutual consent. It was the only time that night I can recall that Marge didn't have the most pleasant of smiles on her face. "You're being a gentleman to the end Tim," she said, "and you can keep "whatever" to yourself as far as I'm concerned, but you should know that Amber has made no secret of her role in your divorce. I was playing bridge with some of the women from the club and several of them told the same story; that Amber openly says she screwed up her marriage. The details are fuzzy, but it appears you caught her with another man. Phil was a good man but he was too much into booze and try as we did to deal with it, it just got to be more than I could manage. Now," she added, "to get back to our evening together, let's eat, shall we?" There was no more talk about divorces or former spouses. Marge, it turns out, is a Chiefs fan and quite knowledgeable about the team and the game and I enjoyed our conversation. I was surprised at how late it was when we finally called it a night at about 11:30. She kissed me goodnight at her door and said she was looking forward to the following Saturday. Not knowing just what is standard these days I decided to call my daughter and ask if flowers or whatever was appropriate. I could tell she was taken back at the idea of me "dating" but she's an intelligent woman and after a few questions around how well I knew her, what sort of event we were attending and . . . what I had in mind regarding a relationship with this woman, she told me that following my instincts would be O.K. and that only a very few women didn't like getting flowers. I found a florist who suggested a nice bouquet of mixed flowers with some greens and baby's breath (whatever that is). It sounded good to me so I went with it. When Marge answered the door I was most pleasantly surprised! She looked gorgeous! I remember thinking I should have got roses but Marge was so visibly thrilled with what I had brought that I dismissed the idea immediately. She asked me in and offered a cocktail before we left. She makes an excellent vodka martini. After enjoying that and commenting again how marvelous she looked, we headed off to the dance. We were seated with some other club members that we both knew and in a short while we were both feeling quite comfortable. It was a huge affair with dining tables spread far and wide and Marge and I seemed to be the object of attention for many of the attendees. Dinner was excellent and the speeches were mercifully short and soon the dinner trappings were removed and the tables re-arranged for the dance to follow. We ended up finding that our table was almost "ringside" and after a very brief period of nervousness, Marge and I discovered we danced much more than just adequately together and we began enjoying ourselves immensely. I found that once again, whenever I happened to be on my own, a number of women, some of whom I knew better than others, stopped to talk and inevitably suggest that I call . . . soon. Actually, it was flattering! About mid evening, on returning from the ladies room with some of our tablemates, Marge pulled me aside and said, "Your "ex" is here. Please feel free to do whatever you are most comfortable doing. If that includes going over to say hello or even asking her for a dance, I will not be offended. I'm very pleased to be here with you and will support whatever you do." My first reaction was to try not to react! My next was to appreciate how supportive Marge was being. My chest, however, began to constrict and I felt that all too familiar pain although, perhaps not as badly as a few months prior. I put on my best poker face once again and said, "I don't mind saying hi or even dancing for that matter. Where are they?" She said she didn't know as she had seen her and another woman together in the ladies room. I asked Marge if she wanted another drink and on getting a positive answer, I set out for the bar. We may have been next to the dance floor, but we were far from the bar and by the time I got there I spotted Stan, my former brother with his wife Erin and with them was Amber. There was no sign of Amber's date. I put down the empty glasses I brought from our table and went over to say hello. Stan rose and shook my hand and after the usual "how are you", "nice to see you", among the four of us, Stan and I stepped aside to the bar and I spent some time catching up with him. He and I had always gotten on well and I hoped there were no hard feelings. Clearly, he was much the same as Erin, he wished that Amber and I were together but didn't blame me for what I had done. Trying not to overdo the joviality, I said that was behind us and then I went back to their table and asked Amber to dance. She seemed startled at the request but after being pushed by her sister, she accepted. The conversation was bland and although she was visibly nervous and I was much more nervous than I let on, we managed to get through the dance. I began to walk her back to her table when Stan took her hand and called out, "How about we change partners?" and without waiting for an answer, took Amber's hand and led her back to the floor. Erin joined me at once. "It has taken us all this time to get her out of the house. I hope she sees that you are going on with your life and she should get on with hers." She said. "I don't wish her any ill Erin. I hope she gets on with things too and I hope they work out well for her." I responded. "Sometimes I just can't believe it has happened myself." Erin went on, "You two apart and her not forgiving herself for the pain she caused you as well as having caused her to lose the only man she has ever loved." she continued. "I have dealt with the pain and I'm O.K.. She needn't worry about me and as for her, I don't want to be sarcastic nor mean but if I had really meant all that much to her, she wouldn't have gone off with someone else. She's . . ." "You can't really believe that!" Erin interrupted. "If you do, you don't know much about women or about Amber." "Erin, I don't want to argue. I'm sorry I have said something to upset you. Amber's an intelligent and attractive woman and I'm sure she could find someone who means enough to her to stay true to him. She's too fine a person to be unhappy and alone." And with that I thanked her for the dance and turned to get back to the bar and my date. Later as Marge and I were dancing, she leaned in close and said, "I'm glad you said hello and had a dance. It somehow seems more civilized and mature." That night over coffee and brandy at Marge's house, she told me she had to go to Bennington, a small town about a 150 miles south the following weekend and might I be interested in joining her. When I looked somewhat bewildered, she continued by telling me that she had already sold this home and was moving to Bennington to be nearer her son and daughter and her grandchildren.