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The Wrath of the Wicked Webcam Ch. 01

By: sophist801



I'd been sitting in front of the 32 inch monitor for not more than 20 minutes when the image burst to life in front of me. It was a webcam image that seemed to crawl out of the monitor and grab me by the throat, choking me, slowly delighting in seeing me turn blue as I gasped for precious oxygen. On top of it all the image was smiling ever-so seductively as it did everything possible to entice me, or any other horny male viewer, into a "private" show. I did not need to be enticed twice as I quickly clicked on the tiny red box indicating I wanted a private show with the image and I wanted it now. 

It only took a couple of minutes to upload the necessary registration and credit card information before I was granted access to the private "chat". It was far too easy to accomplish access and have the screen saver burst to life with the image of a model dressed in a tiny g-string and low-cut transparent bra that left nothing to the imagination. The model was also wearing a pair of thigh-high black lace stockings and her makeup was heavy, designed to hide as many of her lines as possible.

With another click of my mouse I was now recording the image and all of her movements before me. Even though she was in her mid-forties she was clearly an attractive woman who still had the ability to turn heads and raise the testosterone levels of most men. I was, however, the dear in the headlights and so surprised to see the near naked woman in front of me. 

I'd gone online at the suggestion of a friend who knew I was now home alone in the evenings and was becoming more and more frustrated due to lack of affection and sex, sex my lovely wife normally gave without hesitation. Since I lost my job two months ago our financial situation has continued to be difficult so Jocelyn, Jocelyn Marie Combs, the mother of my three children, decided she would go back to work. Jocelyn had never really worked before, even though she had a degree in business from UCLA, finding work in this economy without experience would be difficult. So, she accepted a job working evenings waiting tables and doing banquet work for the Westin Hotel. A good family friend, knowing our situation, was the Maître D and able to get Jocelyn work. 

For the last three-and-a-half weeks she has been coming home around midnight and always exhausted. After working 7-8 hours on her feet, carrying trays and cleaning tables, it was easy to understand why she was always interested in showering and going to bed as soon as she got home. Our sex life, effectively, seemed to end. I bit my lip when this happened reminding me that, being out of work, there wasn't much Jocelyn could do but it was important for our family to have the income. I reasoned we would get through this period and we would once again become a family when I found work.

I was optimistic, I had set out many resumes and had a couple of interviews scheduled, but was realistic and patient, knowing something would eventually turn up. So I put my energies into taking care of the children, ages 9, 11 and 13. I cleaned the house, cooked evening meals and made took on several projects around the house like painting the kitchen, repairing cracks in the stucco, repairing leaky faucets and cleaning out the garage. Even though I was missing the love and affection of my lovely wife I was being productive and knew this time would pass.

I returned to the image on my oversized monitor. As I registered with the website I used the name sophist801. Since I did not have time to really thing about a clever user name this came to mind. Socrates was a sophist. The sophist was a teacher who used dialogue and the telling of stories as a way to teach. The dialogue was the primary way for a sophist to get the student to think about the underlying values of a particular lesson.

"Hello luv. How r u?" Now that I had a good, clear image of the middle aged woman on the screen there was no doubt it was my wife Jocelyn. I had gone on line to vicariously relieve some of the sexual tension that had built up over the last few weeks and now, now I was not in the least bit aroused. In fact I was repulsed.

"Not so good. Alone and horny!" I was going to lead her along, record everything, and then provide her with a clear message.

"Sorry sweetie, r u a teacher?" She knew what a sophist is from my ramblings about philosophical concepts and through discussions about dialectical behavior. I winced as she so easily called me sweetie, an endearment she'd used for me for so many years. It was also odd that I could not remember her using the endearment for quite some time.

"Yep. Gonna show me something?" There was no hesitation as Jocelyn wiggled around on what looked like a thatches mat. There were large pastel colored pillows for her to sit on and play peek-a-boo with her watchers. Her bra and thong came off quickly and were carefully laid to her side. I'd never seen the underwear before and was getting angry she'd never worn them for me.

"Nice" I typed quickly.

"Thank you, sweetie." It hurt to hear her use a term sweetie, one of endearment I always thought was reserved for me. Jocelyn was now speaking into the microphone and had stopped typing. Typing her response was interfering with her ability to talk to me, watch her monitor and do what she was going to do next. "What do you like sweetie?"

"Show me your ass hole . . . "

There was no hesitation as she flipped onto her hands and knees and pushed her puckered hole and pussy lips into the screen. She managed to do this and keep her eyes on the monitor. I knew that if I switched to two-way voice communication she would immediately know it was me.

"Now stick your fingers inside of . . ." Before I was finished typing my request Jocelyn had pulled her pussy lips open and a finger disappeared into each hole. If it had been anyone but Jocelyn I might have been turned on and beating my own meat.

"Are are you feeling any better sweetie?" She asked with a throaty seductiveness.

"Some, but I'm still lonely and wish I could fuck your ass." It was rare that, over the years Jocelyn had let me have access to her anally. But when she had she always seemed to enjoy it.

"Oooh, you are naughty. You can fuck my ass if you want." With that she produced a six-or-seven inch black dildo and began to work it into her brown hole. It was well lubricated and seemed to slip in without any difficulty. It only took a couple of minutes for her to begin to moan from her masturbatory efforts. I was stunned that she would so quickly move to doing something like this for a complete stranger.

"I hope you husband likes your ass as much as I do." I typed not really expect a response but was curious how she was going to react and what she might say.

"My ass is only for you, sweetie." For the moment this was a true statement, her ass might as well have belonged to someone else. She had also been too tired and had denied me the last few weeks and this made me begin to seethe, especially since I now knew why she was always tired.

"Turn over and let me see that pussy of yours." Again she did not hesitate. As she reclined on her back she reached down, carful to weave her way through her curly brown hair, to pull open her vaginal lips. She then let one finger lightly stroke her clit, which was hard like a man's erection.

"How's that sweetie? Do you want to fuck me now?" Before she had finished her question two fingers disappeared into her gaping pussy and she moaned softly.

"Your husband is such a lucky man!" I wanted her to begin to think about me even if it was what she thought might be a role play situation.

"This is only for you, luv. My husband could never satisfy me the way you do!" She added a third finger and began to vigorously finger-fuck herself.

I did not respond for a few minutes as Jocelyn obscenely masturbated for the wicked webcam, for me, an anonymous customer supposedly enjoying her simulated display of carnal desire. No wonder she was exhausted every night! To perform like this for 7-8 hours could easily destroy any desire for real loving sex.

"Still with me sweetie?" I had not disconnected do she knew she was still getting paid, that I was probably still watching. Maybe she thought I was quiet because I also masturbating? 

"For now."

"Still feeling lonely? What else can I do to make you happy?" Her voice had a seductive and motherly quality I'd seen her use with our children a hundred times. It was the let-me-kiss-it-and-make-it-all-better response a mother has for her son who had skinned his knew falling off of a bicycle.

"Yeah. I don't think I'm doing any better." I was typing my response. "I miss my wife terribly and am thinking about . . . ." I knew Jocelyn would try and comfort me, even if she thought I was some asshole jerk who just wanted zip less sex.

Then I added, "I guess you can make sure Jimmy, Karen and John" These are the names of our three children "are tucked-in and kissed when you get home." She would now know, or strongly suspect, it was me. Her reaction was to immediately pull her three long sticky goo-covered fingers out of her equally as sloppy pussy. She then tried to cover up but then quickly realized it was a crazy gesture so she sat up straight, adjusted the cam so it focused just on her face. 

"Is that you Bobby?" Her face was suddenly twisted with more than concern and it suddenly looked much older than forty-three. Was she suddenly realizing she had acted the part of the absolute slut for her husband, the man she had never done anything like this for?

"Good night Jocelyn. Now that I know what you think of you husband and children it's probably best you sleep someplace other than in my bed." I decided to wait a couple of minutes to see what her response would be, to see if there was embarrassment, remorse, or any other feeling that told me she was hurting.

Jocelyn began to cry, not hiding any of her sudden grief. Her heavy makeup, dark and blue, ran down her cheeks staining Jocelyn's face. It was once a face that had been the most beautiful thing in my life. I couldn't watch anymore as I severed the webcam connection.

The Wrath of the Wicked Webcam Ch. 02



My love for Jocelyn was still there, it was just now haunted by the feeling I could not trust her to put her family first. No, it was more than a trust issue. I suddenly felt like I simply did not know her and she did not know me. Had she really thought I would be OK with her spreading her hairy cunt for strangers? No, I just was not supposed to ever know what she was doing, was I? 

If she came in that evening I did not hear her. It wasn't until I crawled out of bed to sounds of three boisterous kids all screaming the mommy-mommy-why-are-you-sleeping-here? By the time I was on my way down stairs Jocelyn was making coffee and I noticed the blanket and pillow on the futon in the den. The kids were just happy to see their mother and disappear into the family room with their fruit loops and to fight over what cartoons to watch on TV.

Pouring myself a cup of coffee I sat at our dining room table and let my gaze fall on the pondless waterfall we had built a couple of years ago. When it was even half way nice outside we often enjoyed sitting outside, sipping coffee or wine and just listening to the gurgling water. Now I used the water fall to hold my gaze and help me concentrate.

"Bobby, I'm so sorry you . . ."

"Sorry I caught you cheating?"

"I never cheated on you!" She had convinced herself what she was doing, probably because she never saw things from my vantage, wasn't cheating. Her argument was nothing more than a matter of semantics.

"OK, say I send the DVD to you mother, sister, my brother, and Father Ho (our parish priest's name really is Father Ho) and if they agree with you I will concede you did not break your vows. Because if you even begin to argue with me that is exactly what I am going to do." I was dead serious. I would send copies of the DVD to many, many people and ask one simple question. If Jocelyn was your wife would you consider what she is doing on this CD an act of infidelity?

"You recorded me?"

"Yes. Not only did you cheat on me, with who knows how many nameless men, you also did things for them you never did for me and you made it clear I could never satisfy you!" I spit these words at her with such distaste that it made me wonder what had happened to my wife. Jocelyn would never have let me talk to her like this.

"If that is how you feel, that no one can fuck you as good as a stranger, then you need to leave now. If you choose to stay then you are probably going to be spending the rest of your life trying to convince me I do satisfy you. And then there is the issue about giving your ass, you fat hairy ass, to another man and not me. If you did not mean what you said how are you going to ever convince me?" I stopped to sip my coffee and gaze out the window. I was having a difficult time even looking at her.

"Bobby, you know it was all an act! You know that is what I had to do to get tipped, to make a little money!" It was true, even I knew this, that the more seductive and slutty you are when on a webcam the more private shows and money you make.

"Then explain why you haven't been able to smile for me these last few weeks and can turn it on for total strangers. Explain why you have repeatedly turned me down when I approached you for sex, a kiss good night or a morning hug-hello. Explain why you have completely pushed me away from you . . . . No, don't explain anything! If I had been doing what you have I would be feeling cheap, dirty and guilty. I'd come home feeling like a streetwalker and be constantly worried I'd seen you or one of our friends had seen you." The thought some of our mutual friends might have also seen her sent chills up the back of my neck, especially when I thought about the fact it was a friend who suggested I visit the webcam for a little relief!

"Oh, God Bobby I never meant to hurt anyone, never! I was only thinking about how I was helping my family and . . ."

"Stop it Jocelyn! Stop it right now! It was a friend who suggested I visit the webcam to begin with! If what you are saying is true you would never have thought about saying anything disrespectful about me for potentially millions of people to hear! You crossed the line Jocelyn and I want you out of this house today. Go someplace and butt-fuck one of your webcam buddies, but you need to be out of this house today and away from our children."

"Bobby, I made a big mistake and I am sorry. I can't leave you or the kids, I just can't! It would kill me, it would just kill me." A part of me wanted to console her but I was too full of my own pain and anger to comfort anyone.

"Too late Jocelyn. I saw way too much. Besides, have you looked in the mirror this morning? Do you remember how much paint you had on last night? Do you know your children have already seen your mascara streaked face and ratty looking hair? And you say you never meant to hurt anyone? That you never broke your vows? Go look in the mirror then ask me for a little sympathy." 

I turned to continue my waterfall-gaze finding it difficult to look at Jocelyn. "Jocelyn you need to leave and figure out what is important to you and why. When you have done this then come see me. I will hold off on starting divorce proceedings until then." I wasn't trying to be fair I just didn't want to make such a decision (to divorce Jocelyn) when I was hurt and angry.

Jocelyn made a feeble attempt to come to me, to hug me, to fall at my feet and plead. I was only praying she really was beginning to understand how serious the situation was for her and for those who loved her.

"Bobby, please, please believe me, I never meant to hurt you or the kids. What do I have to do to convince you? Please, at least tell me what I need to do to make you believe me. Then I'll go." I believed our financial situation had pushed her to bare her herself in a most degrading and slutty way. I wasn't sure I could bear any public humiliation, especially if anyone we knew sat before their home computer, watching my wife masturbate and degrade the man she called her husband. I think this was what was eating at me the most.

"OK Jocelyn, three things need to happen before we can even talk." I scratched my face thoughtfully realizing I needed a shave.

"Yes, anything?" Anything may mean doing something that is not at all possible or that, even when completed, will not be accepted as enough.

"First, you need to bring me proof you have not contracted a disease you could pass on to me."

"Bobby, I told you I never physically cheated on you! You have to believe me!" She was crying as she spoke and the new tears seemed to compound her facial makeup disaster. Jocelyn really looked horrible. I did not respond to her statement.

"Second, you will need to find a way to convince me you have not been fucking other men that you have not already given your ass to someone else. Because right now I do believe there is no way you could perform the way you were without satisfying your carnal needs off screen." Carnal needs? No one talks about fucking as a carnal need so I don't know where this came from, but then I was still trying to control my own emotional pain. 

Jocelyn pulled herself off of the kitchen floor and sat in the chair next to me. I think she was beginning to understand my resolve would not let her wiggle out of this with tears, begging and promises.

I also had no idea if Jocelyn could prove to me she had remained physically faithful. In my mind there really was no way for Jocelyn to make things right at least not in my lifetime.

"Third, you will need to figure out how to erase the ugly image I have in my mind, and from the DVD, of a woman baring herself in such a way that I could not imagine my children coming from the same place. Right now I have no desire to even touch you, let alone hold you or kiss you. Before yesterday holding you, kissing you, and making love to you was on my mind for the last, oh, at least 18 years or so. You will need to figure out how to fix the utter revulsion I feel when I see you and Jocelyn I am skeptical you can do this." Seeing Jocelyn like this, seemingly broken and ever so degraded, broke my heart. I saw no other way to proceed. Even if she did get her act together I did not believe we could salvage our marriage. For certain our lives would never be the same.

"How long do I have to make this up to you, to convince you I love you and our children more than anything?" How long? I had not thought about a time frame. I was also being careful not to say I would welcome Jocelyn back if she could accomplish these three tasks.

"The only thing I will promise is not to start divorce proceedings until you have returned to address my concerns. Keep in mind Jocelyn when you do return you will only have one opportunity." I looked into her painted eyes that continued to plead and shed tears. For the first time in our marriage I was not responding with open arms and the loving comfort due from her husband.

Three hours later Jocelyn had packed her car, showered, and removed all leftover makeup. She looked clean but had developed a sadness that you could see in slumped shoulders, her pursed lips and with her difficulty in looking me in the eye. Her self-respect and pride had been lost to the wicked webcam. 

Her saying goodbye to our children was very difficult for Jocelyn. The kids seemed to understand what was happening and did not do any of the "mommy, mommy, please don't leave!" I could see this hurt Jocelyn even more. For the last few weeks she had forgotten about her family, which is ironic, because she had gone back to work because of her family's financial situation. 

"Jocelyn, please do not hesitate to call your children, anytime, OK?" She was walking to her car as I spoke. I would not use the children as hostages to punish her further. I knew that, down deep, she loved her kids.

"Thanks Bobby, that means a lot to me. I love you Bobby . . . ." Then Jocelyn was in her car pulling out of the driveway.

I went back in the house and did not watch her drive away. It was not a time to wave or say hurry home. It was more real than any webcam and that's when I realized I would miss Jocelyn terribly.



The Wrath of the Wicked Webcam Ch. 03



Two weeks after Jocelyn left away I was offered a Director's position with a good sized hospital. Being an experienced administrator who has a reputation for always paying attention to the "bottom line" and the efficient utilization of services made me a very competitive find. In the current economic market there simply weren't too many jobs that I was tailored for, in terms of education and experience. Hospital administration was a perfect fit for me and I was gainfully employed.

I hired a nanny to come in afternoons to be with the kids and prepare the evening meals. Logistical issues due to not having Jocelyn home forced me to begin using a couple of different babysitters. Sitters would stay with the kids on weekends when I was called in for an emergency situation (which was rare). Usually a Physician or Nurse (on-call) would be called in for an emergency surgery. As the administrator I am usually just notified of emergency cases.

Jocelyn began calling the kids at 8:30PM every evening. The regularity of her calls helped her and the kids be prepared and look forward to the conversations. For the most part the calls, usually on the kitchen's speaker phone, consisted of telling Jocelyn what they did in school that day, what they had for dinner or what they had planned for the weekend. Sometimes I would stand around the corner and listen in on the calls to doing what I believed was a father's job to monitor the exchanges. I wanted to make sure the content of the calls was appropriate for children and that Jocelyn wasn't denigrating me or our family. After the webcam display I was "gun shy" and wanted to make sure my children did not become unsuspecting receptacles, so to speak, for the problems Jocelyn and I were experiencing.

There was never an inappropriate exchange that I overheard. I also heard the "mother" in Jocelyn emerge in a way that made me a little relieved. I wasn't sure why I felt this way; it was probably they way she began talking about the kids and me.

"Don't you love us anymore?" Jimmy, my seven-year old toe-headed wonder asked with eyes wide and near tears. As the youngest he fell into that category of always being picked on by his older brother, John, and then rescued by his older sister, Karen. When Karen would intercede to defend little Jimmy John always backed off and apologized. Yes, they are great kids. Karen could mediate in a way that Jocelyn and I, as the authoritative parents, could never do.

"Of course I do Jimmy. And I miss you so much! It is important I do a few things to make sure we can always be together, and this is taking me time. Please be patient with me." Jocelyn sounded sincere, like the wonderful mother she has always been! Her sincerity helped address my fears and anxieties.

"Then why did Dad make you leave? Don't you love Dad anymore?" Karen was a very perceptive girl all of nine years old. There was no doubt in my mind she would go on to college to do something scholarly, maybe even become a psychologist. I almost felt guilty as I eavesdropped on their conversation but needed, at least for my own sense of self-confidence, to hear her response.

"Karen, you need to believe me, it is nothing your father did. It is something I did that hurt your father, something I will regret for the rest of my life. I am spending time alone trying to figure out how to make things right with your father. Please help your father as much as you can. He is a good man and not at fault for me not being home." Even though Jocelyn had chosen her words carefully I did not believe she was feeding the kids a line of bullshit.

"Mom, what did you do that was so bad?! If you love Dad, and he loves you, what's the big deal?" John, my oldest, was never one to mince words and was straight-to-the-point. Tact was not something he considered as important and that is probably why he picked on Jimmy only to be chastised by his sister.

"John, let's just say I did something that hurt your father terribly. It was my entire fault and I am struggling to find a way to make it up to him. I did something I am not proud of and need each of you to understand you mean the world to me." I knew John, now 14, had discovered the internet. Even though his time on the computer, located in the family room, was limited and supervised, I wondered if he'd discovered live webcams. I was hoping this thought entered Jocelyn's mind as it did mine.

As I listened in on the kids conversation with their mother I wondered where we would be now if I had not discovered what Jocelyn was really doing when she went to "work"?

I didn't need to hear anymore and was a little afraid my kids would learn I was listening in on the conversation. I was just relieved Jocelyn was not trying to push this off onto me or was shrugging her responsibility. Aside from Jocelyn's calls to her children I spoke to her, albeit cordially, only when I picked up the phone in the evenings. 

It was almost seven weeks since Jocelyn had left when a letter arrived. In that time I had not worried about where she was or tried to find out. I knew that, on some level, she was OK. Her calls to the kids told me this. I also did not want to do anything that would appear my resolve was weakening. The letter had two sheets of paper inside. The first was a hand written note from Jocelyn.

Dear Bobby, God I miss you so much! And hope you are well. These are the test results, all negative, you requested. It took so long because the HIV/AIDs test will not show any definitive results for up to six weeks. Love, Jocelyn

The results only proved she had no disease which was a relief. She could be using a condom and spermicidal to make sure she is "clean", yes? The test results did not prove she had not actually had physical sex but I conceded to myself that she had met one of the conditions for returning. Reading the official looking test results reminded me of the fact we had not touched or kissed in, (I was trying to do the math in my head and failing!) close to 13 weeks! I'd been so busy with the new job and kids that the lack of affection was beginning to be almost natural. Natural? I don't have any idea what is normal or natural! Could I really live without Jocelyn in my life? I was beginning to believe the kids and I would be OK if I never saw Jocelyn again, that our lives would move forward.

Two days after receiving Jocelyn's test results a set of four DVDs arrived. They were from Jocelyn and their labels told me they had been made every two weeks over the last seven weeks. Had she gone back online to again? As I asked the question the next question that entered my mind was more logic than anything else. If Jocelyn was using the webcam again, whose computer was she using? Then I wondered if she was using the same computer set-up she did before? 

Each CD was labeled 1-4 and so dated giving me a chronological history that started a week after I'd asked Jocelyn to move out until about a week ago. So I started with DVD #1. In the first DVD Jocelyn was fully dressed in a pair of sweat pants and sweat shirt. She wore no makeup and her hair hung straight to her shoulders and looked like it had just been washed. She looked like the middle-aged mom she is. It was also clear she was at the same computer she was at when she had gone through the masturbation scene. 

It would haunt me until I knew whose computer, and where, she was accessing the website. I did not feel relieved with this thought at all.

"Hello." She greeted her audience civilly.

The barrage of people wanting her to "take-it-all-of-and-show-us-your-tits" began almost immediately.

Repeatedly Jocelyn would type her response that she was a married woman and was not going to strip for lonely perverts who had nothing better to do than watch someone beat off. She would repeatedly type a response or say, "there is no reason why we can't be polite and respectful." For almost an hour this went on before Jocelyn broke the connection asking everyone to pray for her. She was now asking people who sought a cyber-sexual experience to pray for her? 

Jocelyn had never been a particularly religious person at least not that I could remember. Was she now doing a Twelve Step program to address a cyber-sexual addiction? Again, I did not have an answer.

It was bizarre, at best. If she was going to prove something to me I would have to monitor every webcam website all day every day. I had not done this because I was not going to waste my time getting upset with what I found or did not find. She could easily move to another webcam site and there must be hundreds of adult chat rooms for her to move to. It was not my job to "police" my wife.

The second DVD was similar to the first one except I noticed Jocelyn had cut her hair fairly short. She also was not wearing any makeup but looked like she had been getting a little sun. Her tan gave her skin a health kind of glow and she was smiling more. I couldn't tell but it looked like she had lost a little weight. The conversation she had with her audience of men and women, many still hoping to get a peak at her naked body, also took a different turn.

"Sorry folks, I don't get naked for anyone other than my husband." I was trying to do the math in my head, again. This was the second DVD, made two weeks after the first one. Add a week since she left home and three-and-a-half weeks since she last was affectionate with me and you had approximately six-and-a-half weeks since I'd even caught a glimpse of her naked. I was beginning to wonder what she looked like naked and I was her husband! But she was speaking about me in a positive and supportive way and this made me feel good, even if it was may male pride and ego that was being addressed.

"I'm willing to talk to folks. If you are respectful and understand I will only honor my husband and family, I will chat with you. If you want to chat about how important these things are then let's talk. Otherwise don't waste your time or money on me." 

I was a little surprised that a few of the viewers logged on to her webcam site stayed to chat with her. 

One man talked about how his wife had "fucked him over" and how angry he was. Another person, someone who gave me the impression it was a woman, said being "fucked over" happened to women too.

One person who was logged on to the site asked how she was "keeping it together". Jocelyn responded that being able to talk to her children every night was the glue that kept her going. Jocelyn explained her children and husband were her life and then she was afraid she'd lost the most important things in her life because of her using the live adult webcam.

What happened next surprised me. Several of her chat room viewers tipped her! The tips weren't outrageous, and I still don't know how the token tips translate into cash, but she was being recognized for her commitment to her family and not for her fat ass and hairy cunt, and this was on what I was now referring to as the wicked website. 

Again the DVD ran only about an hour with her chat room nearly half full of people who seemed to be more supportive than demanding she "take it off." Those visitors who got belligerent and accosted her for not stripping were quickly pounced on by other members in her chat room.

The third DVD showed the image of a person who had clearly lost weight. Her face and neck seemed to have gained tone and definition and her hair appeared on her as most natural. I liked it. She wore no makeup but did not need makeup. She was a little tanner and appeared to be more physically fit than she had for years.

By the conversation she was having with her audience Jocelyn had developed a following, which told me she had returned more often than the four DVDs she was sharing with me. The thing that continued to bother me was that it was still an adult website, it was still a place where people got naked and cyber-fucked each other. People began to refer to conversations they had with her last night or the day-before-yesterday. Jocelyn still wore the sweat clothes but was sitting up straight and with a sense of dignity. Her audience did not try and get her to strip or ask her to commit lewd acts for them. When someone did become lewd and crude other chat room members ran that person off as if in defense of Jocelyn

After watching the third CD I had the feeling I knew what an AA group was all about. I was also surprised so many people were tipping her and tipping her big time. Where she was once tipped 10-50 tokens Jocelyn was now being tipped 100-250 tokens at a time. People were thanking her for such good advice, for helping them see how what they'd done had been hurtful to someone they loved. 

The fourth DVD was more of the last one only at the end of the DVD Jocelyn said it was the last time she would be online. She looked like she was healthier than she had been at anytime in her life. She sat up straight and looked confident. She definitely looked 20 pounds, maybe more, lighter than she was seven weeks ago. She now wore a shiny black running suit (rather than the drab grey sweat pants and shirt) that did allow some of her new figure to be displayed. Jocelyn was visibly very attractive. She spoke looking directly into the camera rather than watching the monitor.

"Bobby, I have never loved anyone the way I do you and have come to the realization earlier today that displaying me via this webcam broadcast is what got me into trouble to begin with!" The number of people all trying to send her messages was constant. I wasn't paying attention to what they were trying to say. "So this is going to be the last time I ever talk to an anonymous audience. If, when I see you next, I cannot convince you of my love and fidelity then I will accept the consequences without question and grant you a divorce. Before God and all of these people you need to know that since I said I would marry you, you have been the only man to ever hold me and to make love to me."

The connection then was ended and a blank webcam screen stared back at me.

Could I believe what she was telling me and the world? I didn't know. I was confused and my resolve was beginning to crumble. I knew it was time for us to talk, for Jocelyn to make her pitch for staying together or formally bringing to a close a chapter in our life. The one thing I still did not know was whose computer she'd used and where. 



The Wrath of the Wicked Webcam Ch. 04



After talking to the kids the night after I'd received the DVDs, Jocelyn asked to speak with me. She wanted to meet, face-to-face, to present her case for staying married. I acquiesced asking her to come by the house the next evening at 7:30PM, telling her the kids and I would be ready for her visit.

"The children will be there?" She asked with a somewhat surprised voice.

"Of course! There can no longer be any secretes in this family. They have as much right to know what has happened. Besides, I will be talking to them after we talk, to make the determination as a family." No one said it would be easy did they? Family issues this dark and deep get sticky, very sticky, especially when children are involved. I did not want the kids to believe they were at fault in any way, even if the truth hurt them.

"OK Bobby, I can understand. There is nothing like coming clean is there?" I did not immediately respond as I debated whether or not to ask about the location of the webcam/computer she'd been using. Then, in the spirit of coming clean, decided there should be no more surprises.

"Are you still there Bobby?" I had a way of getting quiet as I debated how to say what I needed to say.

"Yes Jocelyn. There is one other thing I will be asking you to explain. I'll want you to explain where you have been using your webcam, whose is it, that sort of thing." I could hear the intake and exhale of air on the other end of the line.

"Would it be OK if I explain that to you, now?" I was curious why she would want to keep this from the kids and wanted to make sure nothing was shared that would be especially hurtful for them. Then I reasoned that if it would be hurtful for them it would also be hurtful for me and we might not have to meet after all. Besides the topic of adult webcam sites was probably not something I wanted to explain to my children.

"OK, go ahead and explain." There was another audible intake of air followed by an exhale. Keep in mind I have not asked where she has even been these last several weeks so everything was news to me.

"The computer and webcam belongs to Harold Carpenter." Harold Carpenter was my old boss, the man who let me go when the healthcare company I worked for reduced its workforce by 50%. I'd always considered Harold to be an upfront person who treated me well. He was well respected by everyone and the community. So why was he involved with Jocelyn and seedy webcam chat rooms?

"Explain, and this better be good." I was already imagining the worst.

"OK, Harold has put to work close to fifteen women, mostly women married to your colleagues who were laid off. Harold has provided the location, security and webcam access in an old warehouse that has been remodeled with separate rooms for viewing. He has seen this as a business and a way to help keep families financially solvent, like ours. And before you ask, he never came on to me or touched me. He was never even present in the room where the computer was!" I was speechless and still did not believe she had never succumbed to Harold's, or anyone else's, lustful advances. I am, after all, a skeptical husband who was beginning to feel like a chump who had been duped and asked to accept one big suppository. The suppository was being jammed up my rectum and would soon produce a ration of pure shit.

"Bobby, are you still there? Bobby, talk to me, please." 

"Jocelyn, let's just say, at least for the sake of discussion you are telling me the truth. I would be an absolute idiot to believe such a story if I could not verify it."

"So what do you need me to do to convince you I am telling you the truth? Name it?"

"By noon tomorrow I need the names, email addressed and phone numbers of each woman who is or has worked for Harold. I need to know who has exposed themselves to the public, to our friends and possibly our children." I could hear Jocelyn groan with the thought that one of our children might have seen her on the now infamous wicked webcam. 

"Then I will need time to speak with each woman to confirm your story." I really did not expect Jocelyn to produce such a list because I did not believe her story. Aside from her four DVDs, which could easily have been staged, she had given me no other way to verify her story.

"Bobby, I can't violate their confidentiality and trust! Do you know what you are asking me to do?" I knew exactly what I was asking. I was asking her to do something I did not believe possible. I did not believe she had managed to get her loyalties and priorities straight.

"And you spreading yourself for God and every perverted creep wasn't a violation of our trust and confidentiality?! You can violate the trust of your marriage but not the trust of 15 webcam cyber-fuckers! If you know another way to verify your story, do so, but do it before noon tomorrow. I want to believe you but I am at the end of my rope and after tomorrow I am finished playing this game. It is just too stressful for the kids and me. Except on one of your DVD copies of a webcam broadcast, I have not seen or talked to you! Instead you have continued to talk to strangers, albeit with your clothing on, but strangers nonetheless. You do know that, whether intentional or not, you continue to give to total strangers what you need to give to your family! Goodnight Jocelyn." As I disconnected the call I called my attorney and left a voice message to have the divorce papers ready to go by the next day at noon. 

After getting the kids to bed I went into the den to relax, or try and relax. I pondered checking out the live webcam site to see if I recognized any of the women (wives of friends) then realized I couldn't bring myself to even do that. So I contented myself to just check my email before going to bed. 

It was the third email, of maybe 25 email messages, that caught my eye. It was from Jocelyn's hotmail account and had an attachment. The email read:

"Bobby, I thought you might ask for this . . . please try and respect what each woman has felt she was only doing what she needed to do to keep her family together. I will never again, not in this lifetime, use a webcam again! I love you and want to come home so much! Jocelyn"

There were 17 names, addresses, email addresses and phone numbers on the list. I recognized 6 or 7 of the names as co-workers who lost their job when I did. I wondered how many of the women would be home and how many would be prostituting them on line, all in the name of supporting their families.

My response to Jocelyn read. "Jocelyn, I can promise nothing. I don't want to hurt anyone but I will learn the truth even at the expense of 17 women, no 18, end in divorce. Bobby" There was always the possibility that many of the women were using the adult webcam sites with their husband's approval.

I quickly keyed in each woman's name into a distribution list and sent each one an email. It read:

I've just learned that each of you has been prostituting yourself in order to supposedly support your family as my wife had done. Unless you want your husband to know exactly what you have been doing you need to call me before noon tomorrow. If I don't hear from you by then I will immediately contact your family and share the name and location of the live webcam site. I will want to know three things: 1) did Harold ever ask you for or receive sexual favors from you, 2) did my wife, Jocelyn, to the best of your knowledge, perform sexual favors for Harold or any other patron and 3) has the experience of becoming an on-line whore been worth it? Bobby Combs.

Yes, the message was harsh and maybe over-the-top. I did not really believe all of the women were whores. Either way, I fully expected 17 married women (I was assuming they were all married) would soon feel their worlds turned up-side-down, if they had not already been going through what Jocelyn and I were. 

It is entirely possible some husbands knew and approved of their wives public displays. For some it might have even been an exciting experience. Sick, at least for me, but possible. Then if a woman was a single mother and just trying to survive I think I would be a little more understanding.

I started getting email replies and phone calls within an hour of sending out my email. To my surprise not one of the responses affirmed they had ever had sex with Harold or anyone other than their husbands. Most of them pleaded with me not to tell their husbands what they were doing. All of them seemed to express some degree of shame or regret but admitted the money had been helpful for the support of their families. 

It wasn't until I received a phone call the next morning from a Helen Harcourt that Jocelyn's explanation began to unravel, sort of. I remembered Helen's husband Gerald as a nice guy, though quiet and the kind of person who kept pretty much to himself. I was prepared to hear more of the same stuff and did but I learned Harold operated two webcam sites and that there were another group of "couples" who were standard on this site. Shit, just when I thought everything might actually come together, another wrinkle.

"Helen did you or Jocelyn ever works the couple's site?" As soon as I asked my question I could tell Helen realized she'd made a mistake by offering too much information.

"I'm not sure." There was too much hesitation in her response for me to not press her further.

"What do you mean, you are not sure?"

"Well, it means she might have early on but I know she hasn't the last 5-6 weeks, at least that I know of. She made it clear she was having problems at home, with her marriage, with you, and was going to do everything she could to make things right." Make things right by still going online was not, in my mind, a way to make things right.

"Helen, is the second site located in the same location?" Her hesitation told me it was. I hoped Helen never played poker because she would lose. Again, her silence told me more than what she was saying.

"Then tell me the name of the webcam site." She told me the name. It was a slight variation of the website Jocelyn worked for. I knew I would check it out and was fearful of what I might find. I was beginning to feel caught up in a typhoon and could not escape the wind and rain. I was beginning to feel like there was no end to this tunnel but knew I needed to end it soon or I would flip out and possibly kill someone. At least this is how I felt.

No, I'm not a violent person but I do have limits as to what I will tolerate.

"Bobby?"

"Yes Helen?"

"You aren't going to tell Gerald are you?" She was the first of the wives who sounded to be genuinely remorseful and concerned about how their marriage might fair if a significant other were to discover what they were really doing.

"Only if you promise to never go back to webcam work and to do everything in your power to make Gerald happy and I mean HAPPY. Do you understand my meaning?" I would keep my promise to her so long as she kept hers.

"Thank you Bobby. You have my promise . . . and Bobby, I know Jocelyn loves you dearly." How can someone other than my wife and I know we do or don't love one another?

"I just hope it is enough. Goodnight Helen." I removed Helen's name from the distribution list then sent another email to Jocelyn. It read:

Jocelyn, I've heard from many of the wives and have learned about the "other" webcam site where couples provide live sex performances. Were you going to tell me about this one? Did you perform there? I now need the names of the wives who are performing on this site as well. One way or the other I will know the truth. Bobby.

I'd been up most of the night reading email responses and taking phone calls from the women on the list Jocelyn gave me. I also received calls from a couple of women not on the list, women who feared exposure and had heard from those I'd contacted about my threats to expose them. 

While Harold seemed to be on the up-and-up with the women he hired what he was doing had the potential to destroy many families and I believe my message to everyone who contacted me was consistent. "Take care of your family, especially if you love and value them!" The natural consequences, for Harold Carpenter, would be for him to end up recruiting his models from someplace else or go out of business. I didn't believe this would happen, there were just too many people "out there" who got their kicks from cyber-sex. I realized most of these people were lonely, had difficulty maintaining health relationships, had been hurt or discarded by someone they loved, or had developed an addiction to cyber-sex. 

I did not hear from three of the wives on my distribution list and sat at my computer contemplating whether or not to send out notices to their husbands, as I threatened to do. Then I asked myself if I, as a faithful loving spouse, would want to know if my wife was exposing herself via some seedy wicked webcam site. I did not need to think long. Of course I would want to know and I would be especially angry if a friend knew and did not tell me, and I simply "stumbled" upon the image of someone I loved giving something to strangers (that I felt should have been given to me). 

The humiliation of learning the truth in some vicarious way, other than by my wife, would acknowledge that the safety and security that comes from marriage wasn't there. Jocelyn might as well have spoken Romanian and been a resident of Sibiu (Romania). 

It took me all of fifteen minutes to change my email distribution list to include everyone on the second list I received from Jocelyn. I then sent this message:

Did you know your wife (friend or companion) has been working evenings by exposing herself on an adult webcam site? She has been working for Harold Carpenter since you were laid off. I've attached to site address for you to check out for yourself. I am genuinely sorry to inform you in this manner. Bobby Combs.

I sent the email with a single, almost hesitant, tape of the send button. Only Helen Harcourt was left off of my email distribution list.



The Wrath of the Wicked Webcam Ch. 05



It was around 11:30AM, within minutes of sending my mass email, when there was a knock at my front door. The kids were in school and I'd been in the den responding to individual emails and phone calls. I was exhausted and now wondered if my marriage, and now seventeen other marriages, would come to an end.

Opening the door I was greeted by Jocelyn. She was dressed in the sleek black running suit I'd seen her wearing on her fourth DVD. Seeing her before me almost took my breath away. She had lost close to 25 pounds and she wore a pair of eyeglasses that gave her a distinguished look. She'd always worn contacts. And she smelled wonderful, a combination of eucalyptus and orange blossom, I think. All part of changing the image of her hairy fat ass displayed to the world.

"Jocelyn, hello." Yes, I was surprised to see her.

"I'm here to do my best to address your second condition for coming home." I must have had a blank look on my face. After all I was emotionally and physically exhausted.

"You remember, don't you? The condition about erasing the ugly image you have of me?" I did remember but I did not know what she would do to erase that image.

Walking past me she began pulling down the top zipper of her black running suit top revealing her tan and taught upper torso. She was wearing what looked like a very expensive black lace bra that barely covered her beautiful breasts. Was she seducing me?

"Jocelyn, what are you doing here?" It was an innocent question even if the image unfolding (literally) before me was one of wicked beauty.

"As I said, I'm doing my best to replace the image. You need to sit down and give me the opportunity. I have waited six weeks to do this for you. There is no expectation. Now sit and try and enjoy." There was no webcam, the kids were in school and what Jocelyn was doing was just for me (at least I was beginning to think it was only for me).

I sat and watched as the running pants soon found their place on the carpet and her firm legs and thighs revealed a semi-muscular body that had obviously spent a lot of time in a gym lifting weights and running. There did not appear to be an ounce of fat on her body. Her stomach muscles seemed to be rippled from hours of sit ups and the black matching thong barely covered her pubic area. 

"Jocelyn?" I was dumbfounded and as much as I tried to find the fat hairy ass and exposed sloppy cunt, I could not deny she had changed significantly. I could tell it was still Jocelyn but it was not, at least visually, the woman I'd seen on the webcam. 

"Shessssh" 

Soon she was dancing to soundless music and her bra and thong were in the corner of the living room. I wasn't sure where, when she took them off, the underwear disappeared to. I also could not remember her even taking them off! I found myself hypnotized by her dance and sensual striptease. I realized it was an act she had never done for me.

Then she lay on the floor and touched herself, first by dragging her finger nails down the front of her torso through her naked breasts resting on the mound where once rested a think black- haired pussy. Now there was nothing but a single painted fingernail pointing downward, as if to say, look at me now, and her perfectly and completely shaved pubic area. It was not the same fat-ass-and-hairy-cunt I'd last seen on display for the world. If I did not have the option of raising my head and looking at Jocelyn's face, I would not have recognized her.

Jocelyn then turned over onto her stomach and slowly raised her ass fort me to see, to gaze on. She was slow and deliberate in her movement. "Only for you Bobby." She whispered as she pushed back towards me spreading her legs to let me see she had shaved completely, ass-to-pussy! "I had the hair permanently removed." Her ass even seemed to be ripped from hours of working out. It still had that full-bodied shape minus several pounds of cellulite that would wiggle-and-giggle when she walked. Nothing seemed to wiggle-and-giggle.

As she tossed her head back to look at me, her short black strands of coiffured hair seemed to rise like hummingbird wings to reveal the tasteful and rich-looking black herringbone eyeglasses. The glasses looked to be made of a light weight metal and were a slender rectangular shape. It was the image of a very beautiful middle aged woman who had defied age and was now prostrating herself before me. But she was not stopping with just showing me her newly toned and tanned body.

Soon Jocelyn swiveled around and was crawling towards me, touching my legs and using her hands to crawl up my body. "Jocelyn, this isn't really necessary . . ." I knew that if she continued to seduce me I would not resist her. That isn't right either, I could not resist her!

"You need to let me do everything possible to change the image. No more talking until I am finished, please." The finger of her right hand had quickly come to rest on my lips. Just as quickly she had removed my pants and pulled off my t-shirt. At that moment, as her eucalyptus-orange blossom smell reached my nostrils I wished I had taken a shower, wanting to have just-as-clean a body as hers. But I was hopelessly and helplessly lost and knew I was not going to risk losing this moment to my insecurity regarding body odor. Besides I had not had any sex in, shit it had now been almost 8 weeks!

Her lips found mine before moving her lovely mouth down my body, stopping to lovingly lick and suck on my nipples. She'd never done this! I now was beginning to understand how a woman wanted to be loved, to be held, and the power of using lips and tongue with loving bites and caresses. Jocelyn ended up with my engorged cock in her mouth, in the recesses of her throat, moaning as she sucked and licked me to one of the most incredible orgasms of my life. She did not withdraw as I began to cum; instead she moaned and seemed to pull me even deeper into her. This was another first for us! Had our lovemaking over the years been bland and unimaginative? Had I failed to satisfy her, to make love to her at every opportunity? I was beginning to think I had let her down. Then I realized we are two adults and each of us is responsible for letting the other know what makes us happy or sad. 

As I lay sated, exhausted, thinking she was finished I was surprised when she continued to suckle, lick and kiss me until I was once again hard! It had been years since we'd had sex this intense! I was beyond being blown away as I felt her lips on mine and tasted myself, inhaled the eucalyptus and felt her insistent tongue slide into my mouth! Then, she whispered in my ear, again. "I want you there, now!" I could feel her tongue on my neck, her lips kissing me, as she lowered herself onto me, her breasts brushing my chest as if caressing me. I knew what she meant by "there" and I think the anticipation caused me to get even harder.

As she lowered herself onto me, I marveled at how tight she felt as her muscles seemed to grab hold and massage me! God it was an incredible sensation as I disappeared into her, into what I now knew was her beautiful ass. It was one of the most incredible sensations I'd ever experienced and instinctively knew it was the only gift Jocelyn could give me that, at that moment that would push me into an alternate frame of mind.

As she picked up her rhythm, taking me deep into her bowels, she once again whispered into my ear. "I want you to eat me . . . to kiss YOUR naked pussy . . . please Bobby, please eat me." With me still deep in her ass I picked her up and gently laid her on her back. With her leaning back on the couch I eased myself out of her as I slowly and deliberately lowered my mouth to her baldness.

I had not had a second orgasm while buried deep within her bowels but I was now shifting my focus from one of receiving pleasure to doing everything I could to please Jocelyn. It was, at that moment, important for me to make sure she knew I did love her, that she had succeeded in changing the ugly webcam image I'd harbored for weeks!

In the light of late morning I noticed the fine white lines wear the sun had not dared go, lines that only accentuated the beauty of her now hairless neither lips. I proceed to use my lips and tongue to make love to her, to bite, pinch, lick, and suck and kiss her to at least to two orgasms. I was beginning to feel good about being able to please Jocelyn, to make her feel loved and cared for. 

By the time she was about to come a third time she grabbed me by the hair whispering, "Enough, I need you in me sweetie!" Sweetie?

Everything had been absolutely perfect until she called me sweetie. Why? I instantly saw her on the webcam referring to some stranger as "sweetie". My body was no longer relaxed and became a bundle of rock-hard nails, taught and unreceptive to the feather softness of our lovemaking. My mind felt like it was caught in the grips of a vice that began to squeeze and crush my soul. I had no control over the transference reaction that killed my feelings of love and lust. My reaction was involuntary and was conveyed to Jocelyn in the space of a heartbeat.

"Oh, God no! Bobby, please, please, please . . . I don't know what else to do!" How could a single word trigger such a response?! 

As I sat next to Jocelyn she took me in her arms, holding me like a child who had fallen off of his bicycle scrapping both knees, both hands and had a bloody nose. Rather than give in to anger I let myself sink into a state of depression. 

"I now know how deeply I hurt you Bobby. I now understand and am at a loss what else to do. I just love you so much and know I've messed up our lives! I don't know what else to do! I just don't know what else to do." Jocelyn's sadness came across her as quickly as my body had reacted to her single word of endearment. It was a conditioned response, a transference response that told me there was a lot of work necessary to allow us to heal, if healing was even possible.

So there we sat, naked, smelling of eucalyptus, orange blossoms, sweat, and our sex holding each other, crying. I realized that the fat-ass-hairy-cut image was, in fact, gone. It had been replaced by an image of beauty and delight. It had to mean something, yes?

"Jocelyn, you didn't completely fail." She raised her head, tears dripping down her face (but no runny makeup or mascara). 

"So, there is hope?" There is always hope I just didn't know if it would be enough.

"I think so but there is one more question that needs to be addressed, yes?" I did not have to spell out the question.

Jocelyn got up and went to her running suit jacket and pulled out a DVD then handed it to me. "You won't like what you see on this but it is the entire truth." I suspected what I'd find.

"Tell me what I will find." I pulled the naked Jocelyn back onto the couch beside me.

"I don't know if I can Bobby? It was revolting when I watched it."

"Try me Jocelyn. If I look at the DVD I will have, most likely, one more nasty and degrading image to overcome and I don't think I could do that. So tell me what I will find."

"OK. OK. Just give me a moment." After a few breaths to calm her breathing she sat up straight letting me appreciate her healthy athletic physique. 

"When I first went to work doing the webcam stuff Harold suggested I start working the couple's side. No, Harold was not my partner; it was a man I did not know. I was so naive that I had no idea actual sex was involved! After all I'd never even seen or used a webcam let alone on an adult site. But the enticement of making pretty good money made me at least give it a try. The DVD is a copy of the first time going into private chat with a paying viewer." For a moment I wondered who made a copy of the DVD. Was it Harold? Would he have used it as a way to convince Jocelyn to continue?

"The first hour, or so, of that first webcam experience was spent responding to chat-room messages. This time included some intimate touching and caressing by my partner, a man younger than me whose name was Josh. Most of the time was spent with my partner rubbing himself through a pair of tight shorts and me doing the same thing. Then a viewer wanted us to go into a private session. By the time we were in the private session my partner said the viewer wanted to see us naked and me being fucked doggy style. I remember asking Josh if it was for real and he simply replied "of course, now strip baby so we can get this over with." By the time I had my bra and panties off my partner flipped me onto my hands and knees." This was getting to be a very difficult story for Jocelyn to tell but I said nothing to stop her. 

"At that point I realized what was about to happen, that this man was about to fuck me and was not using a condom! Yes, I began to worry about whether or not he was going to use a condom. Then the thought hit me that I was about to commit an adulterous act, that I was about to cheat on you, and I panicked. Within a few moments I was sitting up refusing to have sex with Josh. Talk about having pissed off customers! Actually I didn't really care about the customers I just wanted the night mare to end. Then Josh said we might salvage the situation if I gave him a blow job. At the time it sounded reasonable, even if the situation was anything but reasonable. After a few minutes of inner debate I proceeded to take Josh in my mouth and suck him off. After less than a minute I realized I couldn't continue! So I pushed him back on the bed, and ran out of the chat room."

"Will I find anything else on the DVD?"

"No, and I never returned to the couples webcam site."

"There is one more very important question for you to answer Jocelyn, were you even going to tell me about the other webcam site?" I had no patience to dance any longer, to play this game. Jocelyn knew this as sure as she knew me.

"I kept the DVD in case you did ask this question. But to be honest with you, no, I was not going to tell you about the first website unless you somehow found out. I now know I have risked everything by not immediately sharing everything with you but was so ashamed by my actions that I decided to not say anything to anyone."

For the first time since this all began I felt like she was telling me the truth but I wasn't sure I could live with the truth. My male ego had me in a twisted state of raw emotion.

As I sat trying to figure out whether or not to get angry, feel relieved or throw her out the door, Jocelyn retrieved a single sheet of paper with another seven names, phone numbers and email addresses. I knew it was the other list of wives who were working on the couple's site, at least the list of women she knew.

After touching my face and kissing my cheek Jocelyn dressed and left. She just left! Jocelyn walked out the door before I could say anything. There was no opportunity for me to vent my insecurities, or let my fears monopolize my thinking. I think we both were beyond talking. The one thing I did know was that, aside from the first wicked webcam experience of giving an aborted blowjob to a partner named Josh, Jocelyn had met all three of my conditions for keeping our marriage together.

There was one thing left to do. I created another email distribution list, as I sat naked, needing a shower and smelling of body odor, eucalyptus, orange blossoms and sex. Then I sent a similar email to all of the names on the list Jocelyn had just handed me. No, I didn't bother to look up the names of the husbands I just threatened to notify significant others if they continued to do things behind their husbands back. Who knows, there may be spouses who value the fiscal remuneration (from their wives webcam adventures) more than they valued honesty and fidelity? It was no longer my call to make decisions for anyone other than my immediate family.

Epilogue

Hell is more than a concept or place evil people go when they die. It is living life without love, friendship, and respect. Hell is living life in constant emotional pain due to guilt and remorse (because someone has wronged someone else). If we could easily forget how people have hurt us, wars would end tomorrow. We are, however human. Our memories can dull over time but we never really forget how we've been wronged or hurt others.

For Jocelyn and me it was important to not spend any more time trying to figure out how to atone for the hurt we have caused each other. We had already been apart far too long. My email to her was simply: 

Jocelyn, dinner will be ready by 7:00PM, please be home by 4:30PM . . . tomorrow we will go shopping for clothes that fit you better, OK? Love, Bobby. 

Yes, she was home by 4:30PM. That night I slept soundly for the first time in close to seven months and we did have a meeting with our children. Jimmy was just glad to have his mother home. Karen was initially suspicious but was instantly impressed by the new hairdo, eye glasses and cool running suit. John, my oldest, surprised all of us with his quip, "You know I love you Mom, but I am surprised Dad let you come home." We all sat stunned into silence by his comment.

"John, why do you say that?" I asked the question before I'd thought about what John, at 15, might actually know.

"Let's just say there is a certain website my friends and I used to visit. We often would end up in live chat rooms where, you know, adults go. My friends found this woman, who looked like you Mom, on one of those live webcam sites, and began to tease me. I punched one of my friends in the nose and told him that, even if it had been my mother on the webcam it did not give him the right to ever say nasty things about you, especially if I was there. I am personally glad you are home to address this rumor, that's all." John had said more in the two minute speech than he had for the last year! He had been tactful but also conveyed the message we were a family and he would fight anyone to protect us, even if his mother had done something that tested our sense of dignity and respect.

I was, at that moment, a father and husband who was very proud of his children. If Jocelyn was ashamed of the fact that her son, most likely knew of her adult webcam "employment", she did not shrink in shame. In stead she touched her son's hand and whispered, "thank you."

What happened to Harold Carpenter and his wicked adult webcam sites? I don't really know. Jocelyn has given me no reason to seek cyber-sex for love and passion, and I am certain she has not returned to the wicked webcam business. I only know that each of us must find his/her own path and do the best we can to live with one another. Harold did provide employment for Jocelyn but facilitated, unknowingly, the near destruction of my family. 

NOTE: This story is fiction but was inspired largely by LadyKristal. LadyKristal works as a model on a webcam site and provided the personality and physical foundation for the character, Jocelyn. For LadyKristal, a professed mother I only pray she is happy and continues to hold her head high.



The Wrath of the Wicked Webcam Ch. 06



NOTE: After feedback from many of you (my thanks) it was clear this story was not finished. It could be read as a stand-alone tale but the context would best be understood if you read Chapters 1-5. This is still a story of healing, reconciliation and facing the demons that we all try to push-under-the carpet and try and forget. We never forget how we have been hurt (or hurt others) we can only do our best to be responsible for what we have done (or failed to do).

The teachings of Jesus tell us that faith, hope and love are necessary for people to live, especially when the world seems to crumble around them. Saints Peter and Paul go on to say that love, of the three qualities, is most important. Love is necessary for faith and hope. Faith and hope, without love, has little meaning. No, I'm not going to preach or praise the Lord. Getting "religious" is best left for another time and another place.

It is important, for me, that it took all the love in my being to have faith in Jocelyn and let hope back into my life. When I understood the power of that love it became relatively easy to extend my trust and have faith that our marriage was going to work, that we were beginning to grow and learn how to be "whole" as a family. It felt good as we learned from each other. As a result we began to talk frequently about what was (or wasn't) going on in our lives, what we were thinking and feeling, and sought ways to do things for one another.

Our conversations evolved into a "dialogue" of give-and-take, a real-life dialectic that moved us closer to acceptance and understanding. With my penchant for the analytical, some might call the predisposition for trying to see something that isn't there, as nothing more than a "mind game." Fritz Pearls calls this mental masturbation. Masturbation, in any form, was not where either of us wanted our lives to be reduced to. After all you don't need another person, by definition, to masturbate. You do need another person to love, have faith in and share your hopes and desires with.

This change in our lives took time. In fact it was almost a year following the time when I lost my job and Jocelyn found work as a model on an adult webcam site before we reached a comfort level that found a strength our marriage never had. To get to this point meant we needed to be more attentive to one another. This attention also needed to go beyond expressions of love, like making love, holding hands, kissing each other hello and good bye. It meant being able to mean what were saying and doing. Meaning then came from that deep-seeded belief that love was the driving force in our lives. With the love we would be able to withstand those stressors in life that threatened to tear us apart. 

It is just such a stressor, a challenge, a force outside of our marriage that slammed into us a year later. I was, at least this time, better prepared to handle the stressor. Being better prepared, as a good Boy Scout is always prepared, does not mean I would deal with the event very well. There was a part of me, something so ingrained in who I was that I would need to understand first. This is a thing called ego. No, to be more precise, it is my male ego.

As a child I was raised by a career military officer and was always told it was important to "be a man", to be in control, to never let an opponent get the upper hand. When I fell off of my bicycle with skinned knees and palms my father ignored my tears and put me right back on the bicycle. When my grandfather put a pistol in my hand and told me to pull the trigger I dropped the handgun into the sand and cried. He picked up the handgun, cleaned it off, and made me empty the revolver, three times! I had to do this until I was not afraid and did not cry. When my father caught me smoking out by the garage at age 12 he did not yell at me. Instead he made me smoke an entire pack of cigarettes until I was so sick I never wanted to smoke again. There was little room for emotional outlets and little acceptance for anything that challenged what it meant to be a man.

Faith, love and hope were not part of my father's preparing me to be a man, to be in control, to be able to withstand crisis situations with strength and dignity. My father was, after all, a warrior who saw combat in Korea, World War II and Vietnam. He also died an unhappy alcoholic. For him, he died a soldier first, not a father. But he still had been my primary role model and I knew I needed to work on being able to accept adversity without my male ego getting in the way.

The crisis situation?

It was precipitated by the eruptive death of Jocelyn's parents who were killed in a car accident. It had been one of those late night drives down Ventura Highway when Jaclyn's parents were hit head on by a semi truck driver, who had fallen asleep at the wheel. The truck driver demolished the car Jocelyn's parents were in and jack knifed the truck in the process. The truck driver died also when the truck flipped, breaking his neck and back. When Jocelyn was arranging the burial for her parents she was also confronted with enormous financial debt left by her parents. They had a Living Trust that named Jocelyn so everything, including the debts, fell on her. This included her parents Santa Monica home, which had two mortgages, and the fact her father had lost their savings in a bad investment scheme. No sooner did we have her parents in the ground when creditors began to do their vulture-circle around our home, threatening to take everything we owned.

We found ourselves in a situation similar to the one we were in a year earlier only this time we were in this together. There were no secretes. It quickly became clear we would need another source of income, even though I was (am) making fairly good money as a hospital administrator. Working for a large hospital demanded I be available almost 24 hours a day which meant it was almost impossible for me to take a second job. Other than her work a year ago at the adult webcam site Jocelyn had little real-life experience. The economy was still struggling and it was not a good time for her to go back to school, that would take time and money as well. We needed a second source of income to keep the creditors away from our doorstep, at least for a couple of years.

It was a few days after our return from Santa Monica when Jocelyn and I sat down late one evening to evaluate our situation. I was a little surprised when she came out of the bathroom that evening for our talk. She was wearing a dark pink top that showed a hint of cleavage. She was also wearing a pair of dangling ear rings I'd given her a few years ago. The top she wore was more of a tank top that left her navel exposed a navel that was now pierced with a single rhinestone stud. Beneath the navel she had on a pair of thigh-high black stockings and a very sexy, but tasteful pair of black lace panties. She had not gained any of the weight back she'd lost a year ago by running almost daily. In fact we now usually ran together in the early morning to stay in shape.

I also had not noticed that the corner of our bedroom had been painted red with a bamboo design that was very tasteful. Jocelyn did not come to me as I sat in bed g, waiting, wondering how we were going to deal with the debt left by her parents. Instead she walked over the corner of the bedroom and switched on a halogen floor lamp. It was then I noticed that the corner had been wallpapered, not painted, with an oriental looking red print. It was pleasing to the eye and I was beginning to get an idea about what was to come. My stomach churned, as in knots, with the glimmer of what was about to unfold.

"Jocelyn, what are . . . . "

"Shessssh. Let me show you, and then we can talk." I immediately closed my mouth.

There was a large divan sitting in the corner, one of our favorites for napping in or sitting to read. In this way one of us would not to disturb the other while sleeping. We'd gotten to the point where the presence of the other person was important for peace of mind so it was easy for me to sleep in the room if she wanted to read before bed.

Jocelyn then wheeled the computer monitor and computer (on a fancy computer stand made of hardwood) facing the corner. When she did this I immediately knew what she was doing. I wanted to immediately say, no way in hell! But I stopped myself as I wondered how much of my reaction simply was my male ego or my twisted sense of pride. I needed to let her continue. I knew it important for her to at least complete her, show?

Once the monitor was in place she turned it on so that I could see the image that was on the screen. Jocelyn then sat down on the divan facing the couch and I realized how sexy a woman I was married to. Her stomach was flat and the stocking did a wonderful job of highlighting her white skin.

"See the image Bobby?"

I nodded my head yes almost choking as I realized how I was becoming excited.

"Bobby, you have to talk to me as if you were watching me from out there, in cyber space, OK?"

"OK" I was recalling how I had ambushed her when I discovered her webcam job over a year ago. 

Could I do this?

"Hi."

"Hi." I said back to her.

"Are you lonely, hun?" She was now looking at the monitor and not directly at me or the monitor and I willed myself to play along.

"No. . . . I mean yes" I realized this was, in a sense, a role play.

"What do you want?" Jocelyn was absent-mindedly playing with a strand of hair as she spoke.

"Ummm, well, what do you do?" By this point I was turned on by her show and knew I was hopeless to stop what was happening.

"Whatever you want." She then let a hand trace the skin above her top as if adjusting the tight fitting top she was wearing. She appeared to do this naturally but I knew this was part of her act. All the time she was appearing timid, shy, almost like a little girl plays up to her father.

"Can you show me, ah, your nipples . . . .?" I did not believe things would move this fast then realized I did not really understand the adult webcam business. Business?

"Sure, hun, if you want to tip me. Do you want to tip me, to see more?"

I swallowed hard knowing her seduction was so good that I would never think to say no.

"Yes. You are so beautiful." I meant every word I said.

"Thank you." She slowly lowered the straps to her top letting me see the black lace bra she wore underneath.

"Thanks for the tip, hun." Jocelyn was pretending I'd just tipped her. She then lowered the top of the bra, slowly, to reveal her pert hard nipples and white-white skin. I think my mouth had gone completely dry.

I sat silently completely mesmerized by her "show". I realized I probably could watch her do this all night long. But would I get jealous with her doing this for a cyber-space stranger? 

"Do you want to see me naked?" She looked away from her monitor and directly into the camera. Then she put her lips together as if to throw me a kiss.

"Yes?" 

"Then you need to take me into private session. Do you want to do that?" Of course I did. It was also a relief she would not get naked in the public chat. Still, she would need to be naked for a customer. That customer would be nameless, invisible and could be from anywhere on the face of this earth. The customer was concealed while the model was not. 

"Yes!" I then saw Jocelyn adjust the webcam to focus on the couch behind her. Once she had done this she moved back onto the couch and then looked at the camera. All the while she was smiling. If so much of our communication is nonverbal she would have to concentrate on appearing happy and pleased.

"Do you want me naked?" She asked again.

"Yes" Jocelyn had her clothes off, all but the thigh-high stockings and was reclining on the couch. God, I was so mesmerized.

"Now what do you want? Do you want me to play with myself?"

"Yes. Please." From the side of the couch she produced a small bottle of oil and placed a small amount on her fingers. Then she quickly began to rub her still shaved pussy. She seemed to be in a hurry. I would later learn that customers pay close to five dollars a minute for the privilege of "going private" with a model so it is important to give the customer what they want quickly.

"Do you want me to put my fingers inside my pussy?" Dumb question but it also excited me.

"Yes!" Without hesitation two oiled fingers disappeared between those lovely lower lips, her pussy. After a couple of minutes she withdrew the fingers and slowly placed them, one at a time, into her mouth to suck clean. She had to stop for a moment to adjust the camera to get the desired effect.

"Are you playing with yourself?" At that moment I was fully clothed and was not playing with myself.

"Yes." I answered.

"Do you have a big cock?" I wasn't sure what constituted a big cock. Jocelyn never complained before about me size wise. In fact she had been complimentary on more than one occasion. Still, the question caught me by surprise, mainly because it went to the heart of what it meant to "be a man."

"Yes." What man on the other side of this kind of a cyber-space connection is going to say no?

"How big is it? Tell me, hun." Do I lie or tell the truth?

"About 8 inches." I said.

"Tell momma the truth now. I think it's probably a bit bigger." She was smiling and licking her lips as she spoke. At the same time her free hand was massaging and pinching her left nipple. God, she knew how to flatter a man. I was silent. Mesmerized. Lost in how absolutely beautiful Jocelyn was at that moment.

"Still there lover?" She asked seductively. I wondered if I would be OK with her referring to a stranger as "lover".

"Yes."

"Good, because I'm now going to fuck you like you have never been fucked before!" I knew how good a lover she really was but her words were so convincing! She would have no difficulty exciting a cyber-space stranger with her words. Jocelyn was then off the divan and attacking me with a ferocity that was rare. It was wonderful to have her so aggressive. Could this be something to look forward to?

We never did have our talk the night of Jocelyn's demonstration. Passion overtook both of us and we made love into the hours of the early morning. Pure passion fueled by that sense of deep love that can't be explained without a sense of faith and hope.

We both woke, arm-in-arm, legs twisted around one another. Jocelyn's head was resting on my chest as she twirled my chest hair in much the same way she had absent-mindedly twirled her own hair while sitting in front of the webcam camera. Her fingers tickled and teased but they also told me she was awake and ready to talk. As much as I was craving a cup of coffee and a shower, it was time to get serious.

"So that's what it will be like?" I asked, referring to her "show" the night before.

"Pretty much. I would never go any further on camera than I did last night. Sometimes I might use a dildo."

"Do you own one?" I really didn't know if she did or not.

"No, well, yes." For a moment I was a little confused by her response then remembered she had used a black dildo over a year ago and quickly guessed she still had the rubber appendage. "I mean I would probably buy a couple less memorable dildos to use, if you said it was OK for me to do this." I was still troubled by the thought of Jocelyn going back to work on an adult webcam site but wasn't sure why.

"Oh . . ." I was beginning to think we'd come miles and miles in our relationship for Jocelyn to even consider this kind of work.

"Bobby, even though it is exciting, it is just a job." A year ago I would have not agreed with her.

"I guess I see that . . ." I did see it; I just had a few concerns.

"But you still have concerns, yes? What are they?" God, this woman knew me so well.

"Well, are there things you won't do on camera?" I could fell Jocelyn pinch one of my nipples, lovingly as if to say, of course. Actually pinching my nipples, feeling the softness of her lips on mine, were things she would never be able to share through the internet. It would still be nothing more than a fantasy.

"Yes. I won't fist myself or do anal. I also won't do anything that includes pissing, that sort of thing." That's good! Until her show last night there were things I hadn't considered could even be done. Pissing? Fisting? Women actually did this sort of thing for online customers? Then I realized whatever happened in "private" was something negotiated between the model and the out-of-sight customer.

"I also won't do anything you think is degrading to our relationship." This was probably the single thing that would end our relationship. If we didn't have the respect, regardless of whether things were said in a "fantasy" situation, then we were lost.

"Hmmmmm." I was pensive as I felt my breathing increase. There was still hesitation on my part.

"There is something else bothering you, what is it?" A year ago Jocelyn would not have asked this question. Hell, a year ago we would not even be having this conversation.

"Ah, well, where would you do this?" Last time she did this it was in secrete at a location I was not aware of. I did not like the idea of her going to a remodeled warehouse, or any place I could not control, or at least come to her rescue. Was this my male ego speaking? I felt this was not a safe thing to do and might put her in a situation where she might be tempted to do more than we'd agreed on.

That was when, still naked, Jocelyn got out of bed and walked over to the freshly wallpapered corner of our bedroom and sat down. Jocelyn sat down pulling her legs up to her chest. In this way you could not see her breasts or bare ass but she was seductive and provocative. Then she looked at the camera, which was off, and smiled.

"Right here." Jocelyn patted the couch as she spoke. "I wouldn't have to go anyplace and I could work the hours of my choosing. You would always know where I was and what I was doing. Then, when I got especially turned on I could turn off the cam and jump your bones!" In that instant Jocelyn had jumped back into bed sitting on top of me, letting me feel her naked sex, as I began to grow yet again.

Jocelyn looked at me and for a moment seemed to pull away. She was getting very good at sensing my feelings which made me feel good but was also a little disquieting.

"There is something else. What is it?" It was more of a feeling I was experiencing than a rational thought.

"I think I know . . . you are concerned that, once I start, my sex drive may drop off, that I may not be responsive to you. Is this it?" She was dead on target but I was hesitant to let my selfish wants and needs surface.

"That will not happen, Bobby. Unlike last time, I don't have to hide anything from you. When I did this before there were times when I finished working in front of the camera and was horny beyond belief. I also did not feel good about myself, my looks. I felt guilty about what I was doing and like I could not get the dirt off, even after a shower. So I rejected myself first. This time I will be home and everything I do will be for you, for my love for you and our family." Jocelyn then snuggled in the safety of my arms. 

Yes, we made love once more before realizing that sustenance (at least coffee!) and the warmth of a long shower was long overdue.

After six months of working the hours of 8:00AM to 12:00PM, Monday thru Friday Jocelyn had begun to develop an online following. She never worked on the weekend and was always available for me or family. The income she generated was also good enough to stave off the creditors. Everything she made from the adult webcam business went to pay off debts. It was also a time when I did come to grips with that side of myself that seemed to always get in the way of "being a man". Jocelyn was never on-line when the kids were home. This meant the chances of her being discovered by the kids or their friends were slim though I think our oldest son had some idea why the corner of the bedroom looked like an Oriental studio. We ended up wallpapering the entire bedroom to dispel the impression.




The Wrath of the Wicked Webcam Ch. 06



Yes, it was the love between Jocelyn and I that helped us find a way to overcome the initial pain of me losing a job and her sneaking out to do the webcam modeling. Now I sometimes will come home from work, an hour or so before she is finished with her time online. I will silently watch her chat with strangers and do her "private shows" which always drives me over the edge. The consequence is that I am the one who benefits in a way I never thought possible! Note: For every model working an adult webcam site it is important to understand they are in the business of adult fantasies. 

The key to this understanding isn't the adult webcam site itself but the knowledge that it is a business first. Like Lady Kristal she is in the adult-chat business for a few hours Monday-Friday. Like my hospital job, the rest of life is full of the challenges of motherhood (fatherhood), family, friends and simply making-ends-meet, making a living. When these things are understood and accepted, we become less judgmental, more accepting, and definitely able to love without conditions.