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The Catastrophic Swap

By: Metamorphose



First I need to thank my very noble editor - Trixter. A guy who would go through the smut some stranger wrote in another country, more than once. 

You totally rock. 

And now for the tale: 

***** 

The catastrophic swap - women are volcanoes. 

"We're not going." 

"We sure are." 

"We hardly know them." Rose critically scanned the countertop that her husband just supposedly cleaned. She gave a heavy sigh, and then attacked the bread crumbs he missed with a wet towel. "We don't even know any of their friends." 

"So?" 

She checked on the roast in the oven and tasted the onion soup on the stove. A row of vanilla cupcakes stood in three rows like obedient soldiers on the countertop, and she added chopped nuts on the chocolate frosting, counting exactly four chips for every cupcake. "So you'll mingle, you always do, Adam, and I'll just sit there bored with no one to talk to." 

"Say what?" 

"What?" 

"I call your bullshit," Adam crossed his eyes in the way that always made her laugh. "I call your bullshit and I raise you an empiric fact; you have ten times the social aptitude than me." 

"Aptiwhat?" 

"And you're adorably funny in an adorable funny way. Yep." 

"I don't have the energy to be nice to new people tonight." 

Her husband kissed the back of her swan neck. "Today, and last weekend, and the one before that and...When was the last time we went out on a social event?" 

"Ben's party?" 

"One that wasn't all about our five year old son," Adam said. "Come to think of it, when was the last time we had a date, like two adults in a relationship supposed to have?" 

"Let's have dinner outside, tomorrow." 

"Okay, great, but we're also going to the party tonight." 

"I always thought Liam Colman was kind of a dick; why did he invite you in the first place?" 

"Michelle did," Adam said. 

"Say what?" 

"His wife." 

"No shit, Mr. Obvious, I know she's his wife," Rose stopped mopping with the wet towel and turned to her husband, eyes squinted. "Since when do you have conversations with Mrs. 'Look Ma, No Bra'?" 

"Their son is in the same kindergarten with Ben, we talk all the time." 

"Aha, the plot thickens." 

Adam laughed then tried to kiss his wife but she pushed him away. "She's nice," he said. 

"I bet she is." 

"You don't have to bet. She is." 

"She also likes to wear those halter dresses, with half her silicone boobs popping out." 

"She does? I didn't notice." 

Rose slapped him with the wet towel. 

"How do you know they are silicone?" 

"She let me touch them whenever we make love." 

"Your funny just fell off." Adam tried to grab the towel. "Seriously, since when did you become a fake boobs expert?" 

"She weaned three calves and her adders are pointing to heaven." 

"So?" 

"So gravity doesn't work at the Colmans? They are a fake, case closed. Wait a minute, why are we discussing her boobs?" 

"You started it." 

"I'm ending it; you're not allowed to talk with that slut anymore." 

"I love it when you go all-jealous on me," Adam leaned over, this time Rose allowed him to kiss her lips. "Anyway, we met today when I picked up Ben, and she mentioned the party and she said that they wanted to invite us for a long time, and that they are having a big party, and that they would love for us to come over, and we are going, so put on something sexy. You don't say no to the neighborhood's Brangelina." 

"The what?" 

"Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie." 

"I know what Brangelina means, but since when the Colman couple ...? You really think she's Angelina Jolie pretty, do you? You're so not talking with her ever again." 

"Jealous much?" 

"Nothing to be jealous about. He's an ex-school jock who made it in car imports and she's his ex-cheerleader trophy wife. Brangelina my ass, they're a clichéי. She used to model, didn't she? Probably dense as a neutron star." 

"Well la di dah, Mrs. I won three Physics Nobel prizes." 

The tip of the towel she was holding whistled as it connected with his arm. 

"Ouch!" He exclaimed as he disarmed his wife of the wet towel. "And I meant Brangelina in a sense that they're very rich, very successful, very pretty couple, by local standards." 

"So what? So are we." 

"Not really." 

Rose batted her eyelashes. "We're also considered a very good looking couple." 

"By whom?" 

"By a lot of people. Some of which aren't even my mom. And we're also semi-successful, and rich... not at all." 

"Meh, if they're Brangelina, we're Alyson Hannigan and Alexis Denisof." 

"Who?" 

"Exactly, now put on your hot green mini dress and let's go." 

"I'm not feeling so well." 

"That's just your laziness talking." 

"You're right, I'm tired, it's been a long week; I slave all day at work for the sake of a bunch of ungrateful little pricks, who think that to be someone you need a douche like Simon Cowell to... Shit." The Rumba robot stopped picking dog hairs up from the living room's Persian rug and started protesting in German. "Goddamn. You said you're gonna fix the language problem a week ago, Adam. You see, I slave all day at school, and then I come home to my second job, being the house slave, because no one here lifts a goddamn finger. It's the weekend. All I want is to do is finish the cooking and the cleaning, shower and then snuggle in my pajama watching some episodes of 'The Walking Dead'. You know what you're asking of me?" 

"To go out, meet new people, drink a little, share a few laughs, instead of being stuck at home with one of your geek shows. I know; I'm a horrible person." 

"You're asking me to put on makeup, shave the jungle I have on my legs so I can put on that green mini spray-on dress, to go mingle with a bunch of douchebag strangers. My batteries are dead, sorry. ...and The Walking Dead is not a geek show." She added with a sniff. 

"Totally is. Which reminds me, I always make an effort to flow with your nerdy hobbies." 

"Like when?" 

"Like when you dragged me to that gremlin movie." 

"Avatar?" 

"King of the something, the King of the Earrings, King of the Rings, King of Jewelry." 

"Lord of the Rings. Just one part of the trilogy, and you snored through the whole damn thing!!" 

"Did I?" 

"It was embarrassing." She pouted. "You might have stayed home for all the fun you were that night." 

"Okay, Okay, I'll fix the Rumba, and finish the kitchen while you do all that girly stuff. I'll even iron my own shirt." 

"I'm not going." 

"If we're going tonight, I'll do the garden tomorrow, tree trimming included, and I'll even paint the fence." 

"I'm not going - wait, seriously?" 

"Scout's honor." 

"What's the scouts' policy on professional postponers?" 

"Come on." 

"I'm gonna kill you if we're going tonight and you'll dodge that promise tomorrow using some lame excuse. I've been asking you to paint it for..." She counted out loud, "fuck, I don't remember." 

"Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. I'll even throw anal sex into the deal as a sweetener." 

"Your funny just fell off. And you'll also fix the shed's roof?" 

"Now you're just being greedy." 

@@@@@@@@@@@ 

"Wow, that makes one hell of a picture ... yeah." Liam Colman dropped himself on his patio's chessboard couch, and stretched his legs on the fancy trestle dining table, a glass of cognac in his left. He gave Adam a friendly slap on the shoulder. "A pretty picture indeed, makes you glad to be alive and a man." Liam nodded towards the outdoor brick oven where his wife, Michelle, was picking up a dirty plates while having a small talk with Rose. 

"Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony." 

Yeah, kind of." Adam smiled. 

The Ebony was Michelle, in red backless dress. Classic model slim chic, sculptured on perfect mahogany complexion. Adam tried not to stare too long because the back opened all the way almost to the crack in her tiny ass. 

"Hey, Adam." Liam he had the authority commanding deep voice of someone who is used to people paying attention to his words. "Stop ogling at my wife's ass." 

"What?" Adam coughed and blushed. "I was not." 

"Kidding." Liam winked, "Why do you think she puts on that kind of dress? She wants people to stare." 

"Dude, I was not checking out your wife's ass." 

"Come on," Liam punched him one on the shoulder, "no harm in just looking." 

"I wasn't." 

"Bro, man up!" 

"Okay, but if I'm gonna admit to anything inappropriate, I'll need a reassurance that you're not gonna hit me. Cause I heard you used to be a Shayetet officer (Israeli Navy Seals)?" 

"Six years of hard service, but hell no, hitting you would be major hypocrisy. I inappropriately checked your wife's ass; a couple of times tonight." 

Adam laughed, a little too loud on account of five beers and a single cocktail with ton of tropical fruits. Liam punched him on the shoulder anyway. 

Ivory was Rose. She was also a tall woman, not model tall like Michelle or heroin chic thin, but she compensated with an hourglass shape kept tight by jogging five days a week. Thirty two blond with almond shaped blue eyes and a smile that made people want to be her friend the moment they met her. Men usually checked out Rose, and Adam liked it in an 'eat your heart out, that hot babe is mine' kind of way. 

All considered, Adam was glad to learn that Liam checked out his wife's behind. It reinforced his own masculinity to know that the husband of a hot babe like Michelle can be little jealous of him. "Thanks for inviting us, Liam," he gave his own wife an ass scan. Yep she was extra hot tonight in her green mini. "Great party. We got to know a couple of people who have been our neighbors for years. Not a triviality for us. We're usually too lazy to initiate any social get together." 

"First, you should know it's a shame that we didn't invite you earlier, you're an awesome couple. Well, your wife is hilarious, we love her. Next time I think it's best if she can come alone, you're just eating stuff and drinking free beer." 

"No problem." 

"Second, that's really sad, I mean, about you not mingling more, because you seem to have a knack at making friends." 

"Well, half of us at least have that talent." Adam looked back at his wife whom was chatting and laughing with Michelle as if they were BFFS since middle-school. 

"She sure does," Liam said, "go.t it, get it. Get it? Fuck that, I'm a little drunk." 

"Stop looking at my wife's ass." Adam punched him lightly and tipped a bottle of beer. 

"Actually, I would be insulted if people didn't steal a peek at my Michelle's badonkadonk. It cost more than my new Isuzu Trooper, what's the point of spending so much money if you can't rub it in people's faces?" 

"I didn't know there was such a thing as an ass job?" 

"Ass job, boob job, nose job, and some other parts she didn't fancy - jobs. I think she's crazy, by the way, she was always the hottest girl around. And I've known her since high-school." 

"Wow, so you've been together..." Adam counted fingers. "A hundred years?" 

"Yeah, yeah, laugh away." Liam took a sip of cognac. "How bout you, Bud? When and where did you meet that jewel of yours?" 

"Funny story, because we'd also met in high-school." 

"No shit." Liam had a throaty pleasant kind of laugh. "The hottest girl in high-school too, I bet." 

"She was the nerdiest kid in the entire school, probably in the entire state." 

"No shit?" 

"Used to run with a bunch of weirdoes, you know the kind that only date computer games and suck at football." 

"That beauty queen over there?" 

"Had braces, glasses with lenses bigger than the Hubble Telescope's, used to dress like my grandma, the whole deal. Oh, and she had like twice the ass than she has now. She looked like a mouse back then, a chubby mo... yeah." Adam shut up when he realized that the alcohol was talking out of his throat; Rose was very touchy about her Ugly Duckling past, and Liam despite all the niceties and the openness, was still a stranger. 

"So?" 

"Huh?" 

"So what happened?" 

"Our parents are best friends. My mom pushed me to take out that poor girl who never goes out on Saturday Nights as a onetime favor. We both weren't too enthused about it; me because I was a shallow prick, and her because I was a shallow prick, plus she knew I didn't do it voluntarily." 

"So?" 

"We saw through the pride and prejudice, both of us. A rare moment for me, I have to admit, not so rare for her. The rest is in the history books, like they said... err, say." 

"A fucking fairy tale." 

"I'll drink to that," Adam raised his half empty bottle from the table. 

Liam aimed a finger gun at his neighbor. "Put down that cheap ass beer or I'll open fire. I have the real thing right here," He pulled out a bottle of Hennessy Ellipse that probably cost him half a of Adam's salary. 

"Thanks, but I should stop drinking anyway." 

"Chill, bro, you have a free pass to go apeshit on the booze. Just park your car here and come take it back tomorrow; it's a 15 minute walk back to your place. Hell, I can give you a lift, I'm not that baked yet." 

"No, it's not that. I've got to get up early tomorrow. Do the garden, paint the fence. Rose made me a chore list from here to mid-December." 

"Tell me about it." Liam gave him a sympathetic pat, which made Adam cough. The man didn't know his own strength, or probably did and it was a macho thing. "I learned in the Army how to kill someone with a knife, and I learned from my dad how to make a sweet deal on spare car parts. But once you get married and buy your own house you're supposed to become overnight an expert technician, electrician, gardener, painter and a carpenter. Michelle sometimes wants to talk about our relationship, I tell her there is nothing to discuss. It's an employer employee relationship, you command, I do." 

"House chores, Jesus, one thing I could go without. Fucking routine." 

Liam raised his glass. "Routine should be outlawed, it kills the human spirit." 

"Damn right," Adam couldn't remember when he last felt such a brotherly bond. It wasn't just the beer in his veins; something about Liam was very likeable. "It's the routine that's killing our social life. It's killing the romance." 

"I hear you, brother." Liam said. 

"You come back to the same house every day, the same bed, the same woman, the same woman sleeping in that same bed." 

"Yeah. Wait, what?" 

"I know my wife at thirty two still looks like a hot chick; but you can get tired of eating hot chicken day after day; sometimes you just wanna bite on a juicy brown steak." Adam had his eyes back on Michelle's butt. 

"Okay, hello there little buddy, I think that maybe you had enough," Liam said. 

"You had me at hello," Adam said and they both burst out laughing. "But seriously dude, I heard you and Michelle have a solution for the routine problem." 

"What?" Liam sobered up in a flash. "What did you hear?" 

So fast, in fact, that Adam decided that he might have made a mistake. "Nothing, dude." 

"What did you hear, Adam?" 

"That you and your wife, I mean you and Michelle, I mean... You know what I mean." 

"What did you hear, Adam?" 

"That you swap." 

"Who told you that?" 

"Don't get all fired up, Liam, it's just talk." 

"Who?" 

"Andrey Schwartz might have dropped a hint. But he's stupid." 

"He's dead meat." 

"Bro." 

"Just a sec, the Goldmans are leaving. Gotta play the host part," Liam's friendly smile was up again. "Don't go anywhere, be right back after these messages." 

"We should be going too." 

"Come on, stay for a one more brewski, it's on the house." 

"It's late, and we really don't want keep you up." 

"Nonsense. Stay for a little while." 

Adam felt it was more a command than a request. 

"I wanna have a little word with you before you go," Liam said. 

"About what?" 

"About stuff. About routine." Liam went over to the door where Mike and Anastasia Goldman were saying their goodbyes to Michelle and Rose; making non-obligatory promises about getting together again that no side had the slightest inclination to keep. 

Adam scanned his surroundings. A big house, three floors and a huge basement with a private gym. A huge garden, probably with a private gardener attached; an outside Jacuzzi and a sauna. He wouldn't mind a slice of that routine. And if a beauty like Michelle was his, he would never get tired of eating that chicken 24/7. She was super-hot, in that hot actress you've seen in that movie, kind of way. Out of your league and out of the question. 

No, he wouldn't mind a bite of that routine at all. 

"Seen anything that you like?" Liam jumped back on the couch, scaring Adam out of his reverie, "Except for my wife's ass, that is." 

"Come on, man." 

"You're right, you're right, that joke is getting old. I must be drunker than I figured. Tell me something, Adam, so Andrey said me and Michelle swap?" 

"He's a douche." 

"You think he was telling the truth?" 

"It's none of my business, bro. I shouldn't have opened my big yapper. Too much beer, you know." 

"Good answer. Actually, we do like to play sometimes with other good looking couples." 

"Oh." 

"You and Rose?" 

"No, no, we don't. " Adam raised his beer to his lips and coughed. "We gave it a serious thought, me and Rose, "he lied, "though we never actually..." 

"And you want to?" 

Adam eyes went wide as soup plates. He gave Michelle a quick scan then looked back at Liam. "You mean...? Yeah. Sure. I mean, if you're okay with it." 

Liam Nodded. He wasn't looking at Adam, he was checking out Rose, who was leaning over the stove. " I'll have to check on Michelle first, though." 

"Oh." Adam felt his heartbeat go African drums style. He thought he should mention that the part about giving a serious thought to swinging was only half true. Meaning, Rose didn't have a clue that he even considered it, and she'll probably go for the loaded shotgun option if he ever mustered the cojones to pop the fantasy. 

Liam went over to Michelle and dragged her away from Rose. They had a short exchange, and at one point Michelle raised her head and smiled warmly at Adam. He choked on his beer and sprayed it across the room. 

"Are you embarrassing yourself too much for us to come here again?" Rose chose the worst possible moment to come over. 

"No, I'm thinking about stuff." 

"Stuff?" 

"Routine. The erosion of lust, you know. That sort of shit." 

"Six bottles of beer will do that to you every time. Stand up lover boy, in case you didn't notice, we're that annoying couple who stays after everyone else has gone." 

"Give the man some air, Rose." Michelle sat her tiny ass near Adam. She took the bottle off his hands. 

"Yeah, give him a moment, beautiful," Liam joined them, "he just found out that Michelle and I are swingers." 

"And how many bottles did you have, Liam?" 

"Really, we are, we love it." 

"I used to love swinging too, when I was ten." Rose extended her hand to her husband, aiming to pull him back on his feet. "But then I ate too many cakes and broke the backyard's swing, my leg, and my pride. Since then, not so much. Come on, hubbie, let's swing our way back home." 

"Rose, just a sec, I'm dead serious." 

"Me too; they used to call me Rosie van Serious in..." She finally registered that Michelle had her hand on Adam's thigh, and to the fact that her husband's face was crimson red. 

"What? Swingers, like in...?" 

Liam nodded. 

"Okay." 

"So, what do you think, beautiful?" 

"Good for you; let's go, Adam." 

"Might be good for you too," Michelle said. "We think you are a very attractive couple," she rubbed Adam's thigh. 

"Aha." 

"Keep an open mind, Rose." Michelle hand didn't stop her caress. "We invited you because you sounded like a fun progressive couple; nothing like the cavemen in this town. Why not give it a shot? It's no biggie if you think about it, really. Harmless fun." Michelle's smile was a little strained. "Adam is hot, and you're a very beautiful woman." 


The Catastrophic Swap



"Thanks." That simple "thanks" from Rose was as flat as they come and carried all the friendliness and warmth of the North Pole. 

"On the other hand-" 

"On the other foot," Rose said. 

"What?" 

"On the other foot that gonna kick your phony behind if you don't take your hand off my one and only." 

"No need to be rude." 

"Yep, come on, Adam." 

"I..." Adam rose up on not so steady legs, "Yeah, I guess we should be going. Thanks for inviting us; great party; we really had fun and...", he shut up when he saw murder on his wife's face. 

"Our pleasure," Liam said, "hope to see you soon. Both of you." 

"Don't call us," Rose said, "we'll call... Actually, we won't. Cheers." 

@@@@@@@@@@@ 

On entering the Toyota, Rose burst out laughing which made Adam sigh in relief. He was certain he was about to receive some serious thrashing. 

"Brangelina, huh? Idiot!" 

"Yeah, well, who could have guessed?" 

"The most perfect couple in the neighborhood? Rich, beautiful, successful. Really? That's just so you'll know, that's exactly- It's a lesson, Adam. Not all that glitters is gold. The most perfect couple in the neighborhood, my ass. Jesus, what a pair of looney tunes." 

"Hey, don't be so judgmental, babe. It works for them." 

"I'm sure it does. Sickos!" 

"Why Sickos? It doesn't look like he's aiming a gun at her head." 

"And you, you spineless jellyfish, why did you just sit there like an idiot and let that whore rub your jinni?" 

"I was in a state of shock." 

"I'll give you a state of- come here." Rose tried to grab him but he blocked her. 

"Let's just get home. Liam's going to take out the trash from the party, and he'll see us still parking here. He might figure we're reconsidering their offer." Adam said. 

"Good thinking. Step on it." 

Adam let out the air he was holding, it was a close call. Had Rose pulled him to her body she would have noticed the raging hard-on he was trying to calm down since Michelle touched his cock. 

@@@@@@@@@@@ 

A week and a half later. 

Adam had the house all to himself. Ben already slept and Rose went straight from work to have her hair styled. A rare event, so Adam invited Michelle Colman over. At first he thought he'd invite Rihanna, Scarlett Johansson, and Beyonce too, but then he figured that the imaginary Michelle Colman would appreciate the exclusivity. 

He tried all week not to think of her, which was like telling yourself not to think of pink elephants, except that pink elephants rarely give you a boner. Each time he thought of her hand, 'accidentally', brushing against his cock, he had a hard on. He opened his Facebook profile at least a hundred times and almost pressed the unfriend menu item. Almost. 

What the hell am I playing at? 

She asked to be his friend on Facebook, a week before the party, and Adam didn't think much of it then. She didn't unfriend him after the party, and she even poked him once, which he ignored after a long argument with himself. He knew that if Rose would get a sniff of Michelle on his Facebook, he would be in a deep pile of steamy poop, and still he couldn't. 

What the hell am I playing at? 

She had a pouting facial in her profile photo and it stared at him from his iPhone. 

"Michelle, I've got to get you out of my system." 

She only pouted her perfect lips back at him. Michelle was half Yemenite, half Persian and she took the best attributes from both sides. 

"Michelle, please, I can't." 

She could easily take on Rihanna in a sexy lips competition. 

They entered the shower together and in no time Michelle Colman had her lips around Adam's cock. Luscious; her pout alone, enough to give you a king size boner. She licked the underside of his cock with the tip of her tongue, slowly, playfully. Then she gave the head a tiny kiss. 

"I wanted you for so long." Her lips wrapped his shaft in a wet warm grip. 

"Oh, Michelle." 

She sucked and pulled her head backward, her lips parting with his cock with a sexy smack of lips. "I've wanted you for so long, Adam." 

"Oh, Michelle." 

She grabbed his balls and enveloped him again in her mouth. 

"Michelle, baby, I'm on the verge; you better pull out." 

She pulled back and lifted her perfect coal black eyes to him, like an innocent sexy doe. 

"But I want to feel you cum inside my mouth." 

"You're just amazing." 

Someone banged on the shower-room's door. "Adam! Adam!" 

He jumped two feet in the air and almost broke his ass bone when he landed. 

"What?" He shouted to cover up his shaky voice. 

"What?" Rose imitated his fake rage. "What do you think? I want to take a shower too, what are you playing in there? You want some of Bens' plastic ducklings?" 

"I thought you had an appointment with the hairstylist." 

"He cancelled; his boyfriend is ill or something. I wanna take a shower, what's taking you so long?" 

"Just a second. Jesus, a man can't have a shower in this house?" 

Rose opened the sliding door. She stood naked, except for a single sock. Her heavy chest happily jumping up and down as she laughed. "Are you like five? How much time? Can I join you? Wait, what the hell?" 

"What?" 

"Were you just playing with yourself?" she asked as she touched his throbbing erection. 

"No." 

"Aha. Next time better coordinate your testimony with Happy Willy here." 

"Crap." 

"Stand still, I'll grab my Galaxy and document the moment." 

Adam turned his back to her. "You're mean, did you know that? I don't want you to be my wife anymore, ever. A bigger woman would have pretended not to notice." 

"I can call Mrs. Avramson, she's a hundred pounds bigger, but I think you've been embarrassed enough for one day." She slapped his butt and grabbed his cock from behind. "Who was your fantasy shower partner?" 

"You." 

"The sun also goes down in the east and the earth is flat?" 

"Rihanna." 

She shook her head. "You always had something for chocolate skin, eh? Why the hell did you marry a Polish girl?" 

"Because I love her?" 

"That's the correct answer. Move aside, you, you masturbating juvenile. You can stay under my umbrella, elah, elah , elah. Rum pa pa pam, Rum pa pa pam, man down. Rum pa pa pam, Rum pa pa pam , he spanked the monkey all over town." 

"You're way off key." 

She slapped his butt hard, making him jump. "You're not allowed to fantasize about anyone but me." 

"Alright, alright already. Let me die from embarrassment in peace, woman." 

"Can you postpone dying for ten minutes? It's a shame to waste such a nice boner. Now make room, you idiot. Thirty two and wanking in the shower, Jesus." 

"All men do that." 

"Remind me to never take a shower in a house with men living in it. What's that beep?" 

"Beep?" 

"Sounds like your annoying iPhone when its battery is about to die." 

Adam tensed. "I must have forgotten it on the ceramics. Stupid of me, I'll put it on the bed so it won't get wet." 

"As if we don't have enough unnecessary expenses." 

Adam tried to push her out of the way but she pushed him back. "Don't touch it with your hands, you're all wet, you'll ruin it." He made another attempt but she grabbed the iPhone before he could take it. 

"What's gotten into you, are you feeling okay?" 

"Nothing's gotten into me, just throw it on the bed and come here already, you made me horny as hell." 

"Hold on to that thought, mister," she smiled and went out of the bathroom. For a moment he thought he was in the clear but then he heard a soft gasp and Rose came back in. She held the iPhone screen up, pouting Michelle Colman smeared all over it. She looked at Michelle's picture, then at her husband boner which was shrinking fast, back at Michelle, and then back at him. 

"Rose," he said in a quiet voice. 

Her lower lip trembled. 

"It's stupid really, it's not what you think." 

A tear formed at the corner of one blue eye. 

"Rose, just wait..." 

She nodded and the drop fell down on the bathroom tiles then exploded into a multitude of tiny tears. She turned her back without uttering a word and slammed the bathroom door behind her. 

@@@@@@@@@@ 

"Open up, Rose, let's talk." 

"Go away!" 

Adam tried to insert a key to the guestroom's keyhole, but Rose anticipated and pushed a key from the other side. "Go away, Adam, or I swear I'm calling to the police." 

"And tell them what, exactly?" 

"That you're a lying, cheating bag of shit. How could you do this to me? To us?" Her muffled sobs escaped through wooden door. "And with that fake plastic parts phony skank, of all people. And I told her to get her hands off you. Jesus, she must have been laughing so hard at that. How long have you two been fucking?" 

"What on earth are you talking about?" 

"You think I'm stupid?" 

"You think I'm having an affair with Michelle Colman?" 

"You do think I'm stupid. I hate you; I hate you so much right now!" She screamed. "I'm such a pathetic idiot." The sobbing continued. 

"Rose, stop it! I've never cheated on you." 

"You have her on Facebook!" 

"I have 'Eric Clapton's Band' on Facebook, doesn't means I sleep with Eric Clapton's Band. We're friends for three weeks; she sent me a single message asking if we're coming to the party. That's it. No talks, no calls on my mobile from me to her or back. Does it look like we're in any sort of a relationship?" 

"I caught you with your dick in your hand, masturbating over her picture!" Rose screamed 

"I'm sorry." 

"Great! You're sorry. How do you expect me to trust you ever again, Adam?" 

"Can you please open the stupid door?" 

"No, you don't get to be angry, mister." The key on the other side clicked and the door opened. Rose was wrapped in a sheet, ancient Greece style. Her eyes were red but she wasn't crying. Adam's words put a cork on the river. 

"Can we sit down?" 

"I'd rather we stand," she folded her arms on her chest. "I don't feel like being too near you right now." 

"But I never cheated on you." 

"I caught you masturbating over another woman. Over Michelle Colman's photo." 

"Men masturbate." He tried to control his voice," ninety nine percent say they do, and one percent lie. Why when I said it's Rihanna, it was legit?" 

"You stupid idiot." Rose hit him hard on his naked chest, her nails scratched blood. "Rihanna doesn't live fifteen minutes' walk from here, and I'm pretty certain she never offered to have sex with you." 

"I'm sorry." 

She threw her hands up. "You know what? Fuck that, I don't have the energy..." She started toward the door then changed her mind and turned. "Are you in love with her?" 

"What? No. Of course not." 

"So it's what? A juvenile infatuation?" 

"I'm not even in-lust with her," Adam lied. "I thought about the concept, all, week and yeah, I won't lie, it... I think it's hot." 

"Sleeping with Michelle?" 

"Just swinging." 

"Just swinging with Michelle." 

"You're being childish." 

"Mr. Mature." She snorted a bit too loud. "What else have you've been keeping from me?" 

"Nothing. I just think it's hot; swinging, not Michelle Colman. It's a common male fantasy; so stop looking at me as if I'm some kind of pedo child molester." 

"You want us to swing?" 

"Maybe I do? So what?" 

"Sure." She pulled some t-shirts from a closet and then stopped and turned. "Am I boring you in bed, Adam? Are you still attracted to me?" 

"What? Of course not and of course I still am." He said a little too fast. 

"That sounded sincere as Clinton's "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." 

"Rose." 

"What's going on, Adam?" 

"What do you want me to say?" 

"The truth for a change?" 

"Rose." He took a step towards her, but she took a step back, keeping the distance. 

"Am I living in some kind of La La Land where everything in my marriage is peachy, Adam?" 

"You think our marriage is peachy?" 

"Up till today, I did. Alright, not peachy, but okay, certainly okay." 

Adam took a deep breath, rubbed his face, and then decided to shut up. 

"Well?" 

He shrugged. 

"I am living in my La La Land, am I? We're not okay, not by a long shot." 

Adam kept his silence for two seconds, but her patronizing and irrationality finally got the better of him. "We certainly are okay," he said. 

"But?" 

He regretted the words as they came out, but words once they're out, you can't put them back inside. "We're okay, which is exactly the problem, we're okay, routinely okay. Liam was right. The sex..." 

"What has that douche got to do with it?" 

"We're down to once or twice a week, Rose. Almost always on Saturday morning, right before Ben wakes-up. Ten minutes of fun and we're done. Liam called it routine, and he's right. It's becoming like a house chore, one of your checks in the box to complete in your list of how married life should look like. It says having sex on your list, so we're having sex once a week." 

That hit Rose harder than his lust for Michelle, mainly because she detected the truth in his voice. "That's the first time I have heard you complain." 

"I'm not... I just thought we could add some fuel to the fire. You know, spice things up a little." 

"By sleeping with other people." 

"Well, not... I mean, yes, I have thought about it. It's just sex." 

"Just?" She took a deep breath, "You're okay with me sleeping with another man?" 

"That part of the fantasy sucks." 

"Apparently not enough, because you would still go with it. When I saw Michelle rubbing you like a genie from a lamp I wanted to kill her in the slowest and most painful way man didn't imagine yet. How come you don't feel the same about me?" 

"It's. Just. Sex." He said the words slowly, emphasizing each word and rolling his eyes. It made Rose's hand itch; she wanted to slap him again. "Besides, I read that this kind of jealousy is good for marriage." 

"Wow! Let's call Liam and Michelle right now." 

"You know what Rose? Do whatever you want. You caught me masturbating in the shower, that's it, and you've turned into this out of proportions drama. I never said we must swing, I only said we could, but we're obviously not on the same page." 

"We're not reading the same fucking book!" She raised her voice again and her tears erupted. 

"Then we won't swing, and I'm cool with that. This, this ... whole thing is blown out of proportions. I can't fight anymore, I don't want to. When you feel like having an adult conversation, we can have one. I'm done with this stupid fight." 

@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

Truth of arms was unofficially declared that night, due to exhaustion. Adam slept on the living-room's couch. He deleted Michelle from his Facebook account and did his best not run into her when he picked up Ben from the kindergarten. Rose didn't trust his denial completely. He had a history of flirting and twisting truth to his benefit; a source to most of their big fights. She checked the phone records and being a techie, knowing he isn't, searched his desktop for anything suspicious. When all her inquiries came out empty, and after the initial shock sank; she had a long talk with herself. 

On Wednesday night she called him to pick up Ben as she'll be late. When she came home Adam was already in bed, watching something on his iPhone. Rose kissed his cheek on her way to the bathroom. She spent twenty minutes inside, and then came out with a bang. 

"Ta Da." 

"Where? Who? What? Who might you be Mrs.?" 

"I better be your wife, or you're in deep trouble." She circled the bed and herself like a ballerina. She wore a lacy black bra that snuggled and caused her massive twins to rise like they did before she used them as milk containers. A silk black cord encircled her waist and stretched from her naval between her legs. Other than that she wore a cat mask and nothing else. "What do you think?" 

"I'm stunned. I'm... Where is the 'Like' button, I wanna press. Where the hell did you get that... that... what is this exactly?" 

"It's called a cat-woman. It's from Digidigi - toys." 

"Nice." 

"I bought ton of other stuff, too. I'm bringing adventure back to our bedroom." 

"Big Like." 

She jumped on the bed and pulled the blanket off his body. Next she sat herself on his stomach, getting a big whoof from Adam. She tickled his ass, and cupped his cock. "What the hell? Why are you so wet?" 

"Well..." 

"You've been playing with yourself!" 

"Fuck. Not again." 

"Here's an idea. Stop masturbating like a gibbon and save yourself the embarrassment, doh. What were you watching on your iPhone? Porn?" 

He nodded. 

"Okay, I'll stop being a total prune, today is a day for new experiences, baby. Porn is your thing; so it's my thing from now on." 

"You're serious? " 

"Rosie van serious had left the building." She jumped up and down on his stomach and smiled to show him she wasn't annoyed, despite the fact that she was slightly pissed. She was not going to ruin it by being her usual self. "Sexy cat-woman is here in her place, all juiced up for perverted action." 

"Let's rent a movie on the VOD." 

"Why pay when we can surf to your favorite site?" She picked up his iPhone. 

"On this tiny screen?" 

"Watch and learn, baby." She rummaged the drawer near her bed, pulled up a memory card and dumped it. 

"Let's just rent a movie. 

"Have some faith, baby. This cat woman rocks when it comes to AV-adapters." 

"I didn't know you could wire the iPhone into the TV." 

"You put the adapter in; and the HDMI out, you take the remote and then you shake it all about." She jumped up and down on his stomach again, earning a half a cough, half laughter from Adam. "You do the hokey cokey, and you press this lil button. And that's what it's all - woa. What's he doing?" She pointed at their bedroom TV screen that was now streaming the last movie on Adam's iPhone. "He's rimming her." 

"Why not?" 

"You always said that real men don't do it. You only want me to do you, but look how enthused he is. Hmmm... Interesting." 

"It's just porn." 

"Terrible blowjob, she's got no technique, Adam. She looks bored." 

"Yeah she sucks." 

"No, she doesn't, which is one thing she's missing. And surprise, surprise, he's returning the favor with just the same zeal. You said real men never do that either." 

"He's gay," Adam sniffed. "Real men never go south." 

"I'm no expert, but he looks very hetero to me." She slipped off her husband's stomach. "Do you find this hot? Really?" 

"Ah, yeah." 

"Why? I mean, nothing she does, so far, that I don't and with ten times the skill. And I'm a hundred times more vocal than her. You should film us and watch it." 

"I'll get the camera." 

"Hold on to your butt, Mr. Spielberg, lets' just watch for now. Well hello there." She said as another naked actor with a coast to coast erection, appeared on the screen. "Who are you? Oh, you're the gynecologist. He's the gynecologist, Adam. My gynecologist makes me do that. Oh. Nope. But not that. Nope. I know porn isn't exactly filmed in Universal studios, but you got to admit this video looks like it was filmed on someone's smartphone." 

"Yeah, it's-" 

"Oh wait, this site is called Amateurs Homemade. What are we doing looking at amateurs? Let's find the professionals. What's this movie called, anyway?" She touched with her finger on screen and the headline appeared. "Me and my wife, swinging party March 2010. Okay, I don't like that movie." She gave him a look that made Adam wish he could disappear inside the mattresses. "Let's look for something else in your browsing history. Me and my wife, swinging party February 2010. Nope, let's roll back, me and my wife, swinging, Sylvester party; tight schedule these two have." 

"Yeah." He tried to take the iPhone but she took it out of reach. 

"'In the swinger club.' No. 'Big swinger Orgy. Nope. First time a swinger. Next." Her hand was shaking slightly on the screen. "'How to convince your wife slash girlfriend to become a swinger. Really Adam? Let's check out places you surfed yesterday. 'The swingers' paradise site. Czech swingers. Swapping partners. German older swingers. Hot couple swing into a horny orgy. How I tricked my wife into swinging with my best friend. There is delicate line that connects all these videos, but I can't quite put my finger on it." 




The Catastrophic Swap



"Rose, stop, not that fight all over again." 

"Yeah." She dropped the iPhone. "Silly me." 

"You're not." 

"Here I am, going into this totally embarrassing sex-toys store, when the only fantasy you want me to fulfil doesn't include toys or sexy lingerie. It doesn't even include me at all." 

"That's not fair." 

She picked the iPhone again. "I'm calling Michelle and Liam." 

"Stop! You're being childish." 

"I'm being pragmatic. You're obsessed and I give in. You have my blessing, go and swing with her." She felt the tears and she bit her lower lip, she won't cry, not this time. 

"It's called swinging, not cheating and disregarding the fact that Liam won't let me just sleep with his wife-" 

"So that's what stopping you?" 

"No, what stopping me, is that a day after we swing, my wife will serve me divorce papers. This fantasy is not for everyone, certainly not for us." 

"So it's fear of repercussion that's keeping you from doing this. Not love or fidelity, god forbid. Fidelity, such a dirty word." 

"Like I said, this fantasy is not for everyone. It takes a bigger person to-" 

"So I'm small and petty." 

"It needs better communication, not this 'Now I got you, you son of a bitch' game you're playing each time it's brought up. But most of all it needs trust; loads of it. We don't have that kind of trust between us. Well, at least you don't." 

"How the hell am I the evil guy in this movie?" 

"You're not." 

"Just small, petty, and untrusting. I'll show you broad minded." She dialed. "Hi, who is this?" she pressed the speaker so Adam would hear. "Is Mom home?" 

"Who are you calling?" 

"Michelle, this is me, Rose Alexander." 

"What do you want?" A cold reply from the other end. 

"What the fuck?" Adam whispered; Rose ignored him. 

"First let me apologize, about that night, at the party. I'm really sorry." 

"Okay." 

"I am." 

"You called me phony. You promised, how did it go? You promised to kick my phony behind." 

"Rose? It's Liam." The cheerful voice must have come from another phone, because the sound was different. "Michelle, I'm taking that call. Rose, are you there?" 

"Sure." 

"I'm really glad you called." 

She wanted to say 'I bet you do, asshole' but she pinched herself and just said "I wanted to apologize." 

"What? No! I should be doing the apologizing here. I should have called you a week ago, but I didn't have the nerve. It was too embarrassing." 

Yeah, I'm not buying your bullshit. "Okay." 

"We jumped you, I'm really sorry, it was nasty and unthoughtful. You don't do something like that." 

"Okay." 

"I can blame it on the alcohol, but no matter how I turn it, I was a jerk." 

The apologetic attack took her off balance. "Oh... Okay." 

"So, ah, yes. Please accept my sincere apology, and don't judge me too much for trying." 

"That's Okay." 

Adam punched an imaginary iPhone. "Hang up." He whispered and she remembered why she called. 

"Actually I called because we gave your suggestion another spin," she was surprised at how unwavering her voice sounded. "We decided that we're totally gonna give it a shot." 

"What?" 

"We want to swing." 

"Partners swap?" 

"Sure." 

"Not a good idea." 

"What?" 

"It's-" 

"Three weeks ago Adam was hot, and I was beautiful." She felt a sudden relief, but also annoyed at the rejection. "What happened?" 

"You're angry, Rose." 

"Am not. I'm happy, ha, ha. See?" 

"Yeah, is Adam there?" 

"He is; you're on speaker." 

"Did you two have a fight or something?" 

Wait, a douchebag like Liam wasn't supposed to be so perceptive. People who think the sun shines out of their crap holes, as a rule, aren't. 

"You did have a fight. Probably Michelle and I had a part in it." 

"No we didn't, no you weren't." 

"Swinging is not something you should do out of anger, or because you want to prove something, Rose. You sound angry and hurt; nothing good can come out of it." 

"Adam thinks it's not a big deal." 

"He's wrong. It is, if you do it from the wrong reason. Some people, and I'm not talking about you two, this is just an example; but some people think that swinging can save their marriage by adding lust or interest. They're wrong. Afterwards they still have the same issues, and they've only added the complexity of sleeping with different partners." 

"Oh." 

"So you get me?" 

"You surprisingly sound like the only adult in this conversation." 

"Yeah, well, comes with the practice. It takes a certain kind of people to do this, and some people just can't, which is cool." 

"The problem is that it's a huge thing with my husband. Apparently; a hidden fantasy he had been harboring." 

"Some fantasies are better left to just that... fantasies." 

"You know what? Let me and Adam worry about the results, are you two game?" 

"I say you need to give it another spin, or better still, ten spins." 

"Okay." 

"Whatever you decide, I still would like us to be friends." 

"Sure." 

"Okay, so I guess not. But give it another spin." 

"I'm hanging up." 

"Cheers." 

Rose took a deep breath. "That was weird." 

"Sure was." 

"I'd thought he'd be salivating over the idea." 

"Weird that he isn't some hormones raging sex maniac? No, that wasn't weird, you were weird. What the hell did you think you were doing?" 

"Fulfilling your fantasy." 

"But why?" 

She threw her arms in the air. "So you can fucking get over it. You know what? I'm willing to bet she's the worst fuck ever, model pretty women usually are." The tears were climbing her frustration ladder again; one made it through the barrier of her determination. She blinked and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "I don't know what's wrong with you, you're having a forties crisis at thirty two and we're going to resolve this one way or the other." 

"I don't want to lose you, Rose." 

"Don't you worry, baby. No repercussions. No divorce papers from this cookie. This is a onetime thing, so you won't die knowing you've missed something in your life." 

"I don't know." 

"Oh, you do. If you didn't you would have made an effort to sound more resolute." 

"I don't know, Rose, maybe Liam was right about doing this for the wrong reasons?" But he was lying, because he did know. His mind was already in a bedroom with Michelle Colman's lips wrapped around his cock. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

About a month later. 

"You should have turned right where the nav told you to." 

"I know the way, Rose." 

"I think we're going in the opposite direction, the sun should be to our right." Her Samsung chirped an incoming message. "It's Liam; they are already at the gas station, asking if we got lost." 

"Tell them five minutes." Adam didn't sound so sure. 

The sun was still low in the east when they left. Adam convinced everyone involved, it's best getting an early start on Friday, before traffic, but Rose suspected he was just eager for more Michelle time. They didn't say a word throughout the whole ride. Rose tried hard to imagine that this was just a dream. A mirage that will go away once the weekend passes. 

The sun was up now, in full glory, its rays splashing the water on the Sea of Galilee below them. Rose's eyes followed a fishing boat running circles around a wind surfer. She wanted to submerge, to dive into the cold bottom. Maybe she can learn to walk on water? 

"There it is." Adam shouted. The moshav (Israeli cooperative agricultural community) gate and its first houses appeared behind the bend. Nested between the green slopes, it had a perfect view over the sparkling blue water. "I knew I can navigate better than any stupid application. Too much dependency on technology, Rose." 

Rose kept looking at the water. 

"Goddam, what a view. To think that people here wake every morning, open the window, and this is what they get. Life just isn't fair." 

Rose didn't want to wake here even once, but she kept staring out of the window. Maybe it's time to develop alcoholism, to acquire the ability to skip some memories. 

"The gas station should be just ahead. There it is. I think I see Liam's yellow Isuzu Trooper. Did they say where they are?" 

"Drinking coffee inside." Her voice came to her ears through a long tunnel. 

"Let's go." 

Adam parked the car; his jump was springy, like a ten year old kid on his first visit to Disney World. Rose followed behind. She didn't feel anything, she was numb, detached. 

The gas station diner was all about Elvis. It had a ten foot statue of 'the king' smiling on its doorstep. The floor, walls, and ceiling showed scenes from 'King Creole' and 'Jailhouse Rock'. The sound system played soft Elvis songs. 

"I wanna go home." Rose said suddenly, but her husband already rushed into the diner, and he didn't hear her. 

Inside the warm smell of over-fried French Fries hit them. The Colman couple sat themselves in a corner booth. Michelle smiled coldly from her sit when she saw Rose, but Liam gave her a warm smile and waved. She preferred the cold smile. 

"I ordered coffee for the two of you," Liam smiled again. "Did you get lost?" 

"The nav system made me take the wrong turn. Crappy technology." Adam hurried up and took the sit next to Michelle, in the four sit booth. 

So soon? Michelle, thought. He forgot to pretend he isn't so eager. 

Liam had no choice but to smile and let her slide into the sit next to his. Rose pressed her back to the wall, keeping as much distance as she could from him. 

An elderly waiter placed a tray on their small table. An Elvis doll stood smiling in the middle of the tray, holding straws and toothpicks. 

"How was your ride?" Liam said. 

"Great, no traffic, once we cleared road six, I hit a wave of green lights." Adam was all smiles. "Can we go to the cabins now or we're too early?" 

Liam checked his watch. "No, we're good. This place rocks, you won't be disappointed. I've been here once." 

"With you wife?" 

"Not with Michelle, don't panic. I once checked a real estate option. Wanted to buy my own guesthouse on the slopes." 

"Nice." 

"Yeah, mucho expansive, and it only gets guests on weekend. Not a very smart financial investment as everyone seems to thinks. You're not drinking your coffee, Rose. Are you okay?" 

Funny that my husband doesn't notice, but not surprising as he keeps eating that whore with his eyes. "I need to go, for a second. The ride was too..." 

"Sure." 

At the smelly restroom someone painted on the wall with lipstick. 'Rachel Gur the whore, opens her legs for two shekels'. The frightened Rose, staring back at her from the mirror, frightened her, so she closed her eyes. A second later Rose puked out the sandwich she force fed on the road. 

I said I'm gonna do it, so I'm gonna do it, and I'll never think about it. 

I said I'm gonna do it, so I'm gonna do it, and I'll never think about it. Clean your face and your act, girl. 

Liam surprised her in the hallway. "Better now?" 

"Yeah." She tried to smile but it came out all wrong. 

"Because you don't look the part." 

"I'm okay." 

"It's fine to have a change of heart at the last moment, Rose.," He said in a low voice. "We can turn it into a regular weekend, you know. Two couples hanging out in two cabins. Each with the original spouse he came with." 

"I..." 

"It's okay, Rose, no biggie." 

"No, no. We said we're gonna do it." 

"So what?" 

"Adam wouldn't like it." 

"So Adam will be a bit disappointed." 

"A bit?" Her laugh came out so bitter it had sharp teeth. 

"So, he'll be a lot disappointed, tough." 

"No, this train had left the station." 

He shrugged, unconvinced, and she hurried back to the table, before he'll convince her to turn tail and do a runner. Adam and Michelle were chatting like the best friends ever. Michelle was even laughing at his repertoire of three stupid Polish jokes. When Rose appeared from the hallways, they sort of moved backward, like a pair of teenagers caught holding hands. 

Michelle looked her up and down, decided that there was no competition here, so she smiled. "Your husband is so funny." 

"He's a riot. And I'm fine, Adam, thanks for asking." 

"What was that?" 

"Nothing." She picked up the menu and buried her head in it. Each time she heard Michelle laughing, she felt her stomach churn. 

"Okay boys and girls." Liam came back from the restroom. "Ready to go? Oh, Oh, sorry, Rose, you want to order something? Breakfast?" 

"We ate sandwiches on the way." Adam said. 

"Rose, you want me to order something for you?" 

"I said we already ate." Adam said. 

"Heard you the first time, buddy. Rose?" 

"No, I'm full." 

Outside she bumped into Michelle when they both tried to enter Adam and Rose's family car. Rose mumbled a weak apology and went to Liam's Jeep as they had planned in advance. A moment later Adam took Michelle's suitcase from the Liam's jeep and Liam entered carrying her suitcase from their car. The setting and the details was his making. Away from home and nosy neighbors, they'll rent two cabins for the weekend. Both women will switch cars, in advance, so they'll get no raised eyebrows from their hosts. 

Rose didn't remember anything from the ride to the cabins. Liam tried some small talk but he might have been talking to an early version Siri. 

@@@@@@@@@@ 

"We had some trouble with the swimming-pool, and we emptied most of it. So don't dive in head first or anything." The tall blond owner's son smile looked tired. He still wore his army uniform, probably just back for the weekend. Probably just waiting to have some time off and unwind instead of dealing with the weekend tourists. Rose was still numb. 

"I'm Arik, by the way, this is my number, if you need anything. On the back of that card you'll find the Wi-Fi password. Those are the keys to the cabin; just leave them in the keyhole tomorrow. Just don't jump head first into the pool." He sniggered. 

"Your dad promised a swimming pool," Liam said. 

"I'm sorry, the pool walls developed a weird brown stain and no one knows where it came from. You don't want to swim in it today, honest." 

"You're dad also said two comfi-remote cabins," Liam nodded toward their accommodation for the weekend. "But all I see is a single cabin that someone turned into a duplex, by adding a wall and cutting the space by half." 

"Sorry bout that too." 

"I don't know, man, I feel like I'm getting the shaft here." 

"There was a mix-up with the booking, I'm really really sorry. You know what? Breakfast is free of charge, plus I'll fire up the outdoor Jacuzzi. I'll give you the keys, and I won't give it to any of the other guests. You'll have an exclusive access. How does that sound?" 

"I guess Jacuzzi it is," Liam didn't sound so enthused. 

"Great idea." Michelle said. "I could use a dip to start the weekend." 

@@@@@@@@@ 

Liam was humming in the bathroom; surprisingly it was the Andante movement from symphony no. 5. Rose went into the small bedroom and unpacked her swimsuit. 

"Are you coming outside to the Jacuzzi?" He asked. 

"Sure, just a sec." 

"Take all the time you need. I noticed that the air conditioning isn't working. Gonna have a chat with that Arik kid first." 

Rose unfolded her swimsuit on the rug. She could have done it on the double bed, but she kept a wide berth from it, as if it had sharp teeth. Of course Michelle wanted a dip in the Jacuzzi. She probably could model bathing suits with that body. She regretted now her choice of her one piece swimsuit. She tried a mini bikini at the boutique last month, and even her critical eye loved the result. She looked super-hot. However when the clerk asked her if she wanted to take it, she decided a bikini is unbefitting of a married mother. 

The outside Jacuzzi was as big as a small pool. Enough to indulge two dozen bubble loving guests. Michelle was already laughing in the bubbling hot water at some joke Adam mimed. If Rose had reservations about her unsexy swimming suit, they were immediately gone. 

"How do you like Michelle's swimsuit?" Adam laughed a bit too loud. 

"I don't know. Did she bring one? " 

"What for?" Michelle rose out of the water and sat her tiny butt on the Jacuzzi's stairs. She was butt naked. Her body was a work of art; plastic art. Brownish skin, zero fat and abs in the all the right places. A waterfall of raven black hair, fell down to her sculpted ass. Everything that Adam adored in a woman. She looked like a brownish Barbie doll. 

Rose gave the water a try with her toe; then she entered as slowly as she could. A strict discipline of daily marathons and zero-carbs diet worked wonders on the body of a once chubby girl. She was really proud of it. However, next to Michelle she felt like a beached whale in a red swimsuit. 

"So how do you like this place, kids?" Liam smile changed to a frown when he saw his wife's natural Jacuzzi style. "You know, someone might come in, dear. That kid, Arik." 

"We're on holiday, Liami. You might wanna take a chance and loosen your tie." 

Liam shrugged and took off his shirt, then jumped in and took a sit near Rose. He gave his wife another unsympathetic scan, then leaned back and sighed. "Did you see the trees around the cabin? It's like sleeping in a forest." 

"You've been working out in that basement of yours, man?" Adam sounded as if he'd been tricked. 

"What? No, I don't use the gym, only Michelle does." 

"Yeah, sure, I guess the six-pack sort of popped up one day." 

"I'm thirty five; I've been surfing daily for... hell, thirty five years I guess. The abs are just a bonus." 

"Yeah, every morning at five: am, like a Swiss clock; wakes me up." Michelle rolled her eyes. "You think he could skip it once or twice during winter; let me sleep a full night every now and then." 

If Michelle was Barbie, then Liam was certainly her Ken. Sculpted triangle body with muscles showing where most people who aren't surfers have nothing but body fat. 

Adam had a moment of panic. For the first time since their arrival, he stopped eating Michelle with his eyes and started checking out the person he was giving his wife to sleep with. He had that 'What the fuck? Why did no one bothered to tell me?' smeared all over. 

Serves him right. Rose had a vindictive thought. Eat your own messed up meal. 

"So did you notice the trees around the cabin?" Liam asked Rose. "Pretty awesome, no?" 

"Huh?" 

"The trees." 

"What trees?" Rose was looking at her husband; Adam's head swiveled back and forth, between her and Liam. Michelle stared at Adam, annoyed. Liam was the only one oblivious to the little drama. "The trees around the cabin. They are Oak and Ella (Pistacia) lovers," he said. 

"Nobody cares, sweetie." Michelle was obviously not used to not being the center of attention for more than sixty seconds. "It's not healthy to stay so long in a Jacuzzi. Are you coming, Adam?" She wrapped her lithe form in a white towel and went outside. Adam gave Liam one last look and took off after her. Rose picked herself from the Jacuzzi and ran after him. 

She caught him outside as he cleaned his legs from dead grass. Michelle was already inside their cabin and Rose sighed in relief. She hugged him from behind and clung to him, his familiar heat and smell eased her mind a little. 

"Hey baby," he said. 

"Got a little scared when he took off his shirt, eh?" She kissed the back of his neck. 

"Yeah, the son of a bitch got the looks. I didn't know you could get a six-pack just from surfing." 

"Me neither." Rose laughed. "I saw how you freaked out. Don't worry, I never meant to sleep with him anyway." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Did it ever occur to your selfish self that I'm not attracted to douche-bags? This is all about you." 




The Catastrophic Swap



"Oh." 

"Now let's go home." 

"What?" 

Rose felt the slim hope she was kindling going up in smoke. "I wanna go home, Adam." 

"We can't do that!" 

"I don't want to do this." 

"Now? You wanna bailout, now?" 

"I know I said I would, but I can't, I... I just can't." 

"What on earth am I supposed to say to the Colmans?" 

"Tell them I'm sorry... No! Tell them I'm not feeling too well, I puked in the gas station, you know." 

"Rose, get a grip. It's too late for that." He forced her hands off his torso and she felt her heart break. 

"Adam, please." 

"Rose, I never thought I'd say this, but you're being a jerk." He left her standing in the grass. 

@@@@@@@@@@@ 

Liam was in the kitchen, whistling the Andante from symphony no. 5 again. 

"Can you be a little quiet?" Rose asked. 

"They already left." 

"What?" 

"Nothing to hear," Liam said. 

"What?" 

"I saw Adam and Michelle leave the cabin five minutes ago." 

Rose finally lifted her ear from the wall that they shared with Adam and Michelle's cabin. "Went? Where?" 

"I have no idea; they took the car." 

"Crap." She finally sat down on the bed, defeated. Adam won; his lust and selfishness proved stronger than the connection she thought they shared. 

Son of a bitch. 

With resignation of defeat, her numbness was gone and new flower blossomed. Anger. 

"Son of a bitch." 

"Huh?" 

"Liam, come here." 

"Just a sec." 

"No! Right now!" 

He came into the room balancing two big mugs of coffee and some scones on a tray. She thought he'd be smug, but he looked genuinely worried. "Here," he placed the tray on the bed. "You didn't drink yours at the Elvis diner." 

"I don't want coffee, let's have sex right now." 

"Nope." 

She pulled down the strap of her swimsuit, and one heavy breast popped out of its cage. "I can be slutty too, see?" 

"No you're not. Put it back on, drink the coffee." 

"Don't you want to have sex?" 

"Of course I do. Great tits, by the way." Liam, gently, pulled her strap back on. "But not with someone who is not attracted to me and certainly not with someone who is trying to have a revenge fuck." 

"I am attracted to you." 

"Look, I have limited reading people skill, but I didn't need Dr. Phil to help me read your body language at the diner. It's okay, Rose, I'm cool with that. I came here knowing there is a 90 percent chance that I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. I figured this whole thing is just for Adam's sake." 

"So why did you vote yes on this farce in the first place?" 

"For the ten percent chance that I'm wrong. You're a knockout." 

"Thanks." 

He sat down on the bed beside her, keeping a respectable distance, and offered her the cup. "Welcome. Now drink the coffee, and take a hot shower. I know it looks like the end of the world right now. But it's not." 

"How could he?" 

"My perspective as a man. We don't not enough blood to operate the brain and the joystick at the same time." 

"I hate him." 

"This too shall pass." He said in a very Morgan Freeman like way. It seemed appropriate, because he had Morgan Freeman's deep voice. "You'll endure, you're a strong woman." 

"How can you be so fucking calm?" 

"I'm confident, that's why. You're insecure, that's why you're not." 

"Of course I'm insecure. My husband just left with Tyra Banks look alike to god knows where." 

Liam sighed then took a bite on a scone. 

"Well?" 

"I'm thinking, love, it's a slow process for me." He took a sip from his mug. "You're jealous because you're insecure. You're insecure because you've put Michelle on some unrealistic high pedestal. As if Adam is going to divorce you and marry her once he sleeps with her. You know, I've been around, she's not that hot in the sack, quite the opposite." 

"Really?" 

"And you've got what? Ma, a Bsc?" 

"A master's degree in quantum-physics." 

"Wow. Really? Michelle didn't graduate high school." 

"I'm only a high school teacher." 

"Michelle managed a flower shop which I bought her. She dragged a successful business, to bankruptcy in six months." 

Rose laughed. 

"Yeah, I didn't laugh back then. Almost took me down with her. She's a terrible mom. Our biggest son, Ron, don't speak with her. She can't cook if her life depended on it." 

"I can cook." 

"See?" 

"I'll trade it all for her looks, in a flash." 

"Shallow much?" 

Rose laughed again. It felt good. 

"And you'll be an idiot. I think you're ten times hotter." 

"Yeah, right." 

"Believe what you want, dear. You're younger, smarter, real blond knockout, carrying original parts from the box, no fakesies. She's older, not the sharpest pencil, school dropout, and as far as fake parts go, well-. What is there to be jealous about?" 

"Stop belittling her." 

Liam shrugged. 

"That's your wife, your one and only true love." 

"Except that she isn't." 

"What?" 

"I meant, she is my wife. She just aint the other thing." 

"Now you're just being a douche." 

"I'm being honest." He didn't look like a douche, he looked sad. 

"What do you mean?" 

"It means what it means." 

"Liam?" 

"Drink that coffee, take a shower. I'll be in the kitchen; making us some late breakfast early lunch- something, okay?" 

"Wait, mister, you can't drop a bomb like that and just leave me hanging." 

"It's private." 

"Said the man who wanted to sleep with me." 

"Take that shower, Rose, you'll feel much better." 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

Several hours of knowing Michelle Colman, and not in the biblical sense, yielded, to Adam, nothing but frustration and a severe case of blue balls. She was the grand master of tease. 

"Honey, can you come over here and zip me?" 

"Sure." He entered the fitting room and pulled on the zipper. It proved to be stubborn mother, so he pulled hard. 

"Careful." 

"Sorry." 

"Anxious, are we?" 

"You caught me." 

She laughed; a real happy laugh this time. He was learning to distinguish between her real and fake ones. "Don't worry, big boy, you'll score today. Just this dress and the blue one, then we're off." 

After the Jacuzzi, Michelle suggested they'll take a stroll together. To get to know each other better, she said. Her idea of a stroll turned out to be driving down to Tiberius' shopping-mall, and strolling into every Women Fashion boutique. 

"Needs some shortening, but I like it." She checked herself critically in the mirror. "You know, these mirrors, they distort your shape so you'll think you're Tyra Banks. Only when you get home to a proper mirror, you realize you look like Rosie O'Donnell." 

"You'll look dead gorgeous wearing a sack." 

"You think so?" 

"Everyone does." 

"Hmmm... How about you?" 

"I'm with everyone, can we just-?" 

"You're with everyone what?" She cut him in mid-sentence. 

"Just like everyone, I think you'll look dead gorgeous; no matter what you're gonna put on." 

"Really? You think so?" 

She was starting to get on his nerves. "Cross my heart, can we go now?" 

"What about your blond wife?" 

"What about her?" 

"Better looking than her?" 

Adam didn't want to think about Rose. He left her crying, standing helpless in the grass. "Come on, she's my wife." 

"So what? I won't tell on you." 

"You are." 

"I'm what?" 

"Better looking than Rose." 

"Much better?" 

He wanted to say that Rose didn't need tenth the attention and constant ego patting. Maybe shut her up with something nasty like that Rose blond was natural and she didn't need to color yet. Then Michelle pouted her luscious lips. "Much better looking." He agreed. 

"I like the blue one. Let's take it and get back to the cabin." 

"Thank god." He mumbled. 

She scratched her head and faked confusion. "Oops. I left my purse at the car. Shit, I think I forgot it in the cabin," she said. 

"I noticed." 

"Shit. Is it a terrible thing to ask if we can do a little trip to the cabin and back? I really like that dress." 

"Or I can buy it for you." 

"Really? No, I couldn't. I mean, it's too expansive. I mean... Wow. Adam, you're so sweet, you're amazing." She leaned and kissed his lips, her tongue darted inside his mouth, and that quick exchange traveled like lightening all the way to his cock. 

He meant he would buy the dress now, and she'll write him a check or something when they'll get back. Now he felt trapped, double trapped when he saw the price tag. Rose would murder him. 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't know how long it's been." 

"Since you bought a dress?" 

"No, silly. Since someone bought me a dress. Liam never does that anymore. That was special, and I'll never forget that." She kissed his cheek, leaning into him for a long time. He felt wetness where her face touched his, but he didn't know if the tears were real or fake. 

@@@@@@@@@@ 

Rose did feel a lot better after taking a hot shower. What really made her ache subside were Liam's words about Michelle; he was spot on about her insecurity. She found him in the kitchen, attacking a cucumber, slicing it to tiny bits at the speed of sexual frustration. He was whistling the Andante from symphony no. 5, again. 

"Do you know what's it called?" 

"Green salad, I think." 

"No, silly, the tune you keep whistling and humming all day long. It's actually a classical piece." 

"Oh, really?" He scanned her up and down, his blue eyes a little cold. "Just some music that got stuck in my head. Classic you say. Wow." 

"What? Did you download the ringtone by mistake?" Rose smiled. "It's actually-" 

"About that thing I said earlier." Liam interrupted her, "I shouldn't have; that was cruel." 

"About not loving your wife anymore?" 

"I didn't say anymore, and I wanted you to feel better; so I did it at her expanse, that was nasty. I'm not like that." 

"But it's true, right? I get it now. You're totally cool with her sleeping with other men. You don't lo... You just don't." 

"It doesn't mean I hate her. We have three wonderful kids, a family, a house, we're family." 

"So how come?" 

"Look, Rose, like I said; it's intimate stuff." 

"You know intimate stuff about me." 

"Like what?" 

"Like- Like the fact that Adam and I are swingers." 

He laughed, he had a good laugh. Throaty. Rose felt better because of it. "No you're not swingers." 

"When did it happen, I mean this ... When did you stop loving?" 

"You don't take no for an answer, do you? Okay. I guess it's fair. But first I want you to try the salad." 

"Take a shower, eat your salad. Do I have to, mom?" 

"If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?" 

"Roger Waters, I presume, jeez." She gave it a halfhearted go, then her eyes lit. "Nice. The spearmint is an excellent touch." 

"Kurdish recipe, I'm half Kurdish." 

"Go team Kurdistan." She dug in and took a spoonful. "See, I'm eating it," she said with her mouth full. "Now it's your turn." 

"When did we stop loving? I'm not sure we ever started. " 

"What? Bullshit?" 

"Why?" 

"Like when you proposed, weren't you in-love even a little bit?" 

"I was, a lot, just not with Michelle." 

Rose's lips formed a big O and the spoon froze mid-way on the landing strip to her mouth. She suddenly realized that she didn't think of Adam even once during the last fifteen minutes. 

"Her name was Bathsheba. She was smart, funny, naturally beautiful, sincere, educated. Everything that Michelle wasn't and I thought a woman should be." 

"Wow." 

"She was also my older brother's girlfriend." 

"Wow, twice." 

"I was smitten. I remember I used to convince my brother to double date just so I could be near her. I couldn't stop thinking of her; I never felt like that before, or after." 

"So? What happened?" 

"Michelle got pregnant. She forgot," he made a quotation mark with his fingers, "to take the pill. I had to do the decent thing." 

"You proposed?" 

Liam nodded. 

"Oh, Ouch, and Bathsheba?" 

"Yeah, ouch. Funny thing happened." A shadow of pain crossed Liam's handsome features. "Our engagement announcement was the catalyst to my brother and Bathsheba's breakup. She realized that she's never going to get the same proposal from my idiot brother. They had a huge fight, and she left him." 

"So you gave up the love of your life for marrying a girl you didn't love? That's a double crime. I mean, you did wrong to Michelle, and you did wrong to Bathsheba, but mostly you did a horrible thing to yourself." 

"I wanted to cancel the wedding. I wanted to tell her how I felt." 

"So?" 

"I went to my dad for advice. He told me that if I'll hook up with Bathsheba I'm going to break my brother's heart. That I'll tear the family apart. I was a good kid, obedient, still am. He told me to stick with Michelle." 

"Wow." 

"I know, a fucked up story." 

"A sad one more than anything. But what kept you all those years with Michelle?" 

"Inertia, I guess. Three kids." He shrugged. "Michelle is the kind of wife people expect me to have. She fits the image. I guess I liked that enough to compensate for the love thing." 

"So you stayed with her because what other people think?" 

"Don't look at me like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like you're so much better than me." 

"I didn't." 

He sighed. "That's human nature for you, Rose. People compromise. " 

"Not on the person they're gonna spend their life with, they don't." 

"Really? What kept you with Adam all these years?" 

Rose dropped the spoon. 

"Sorry, sorry, that was out of line. I lashed. Shit." He tried to wipe the tear that welled up in her eye, but Rose pulled herself back. "Forget that. Okay? Wanna watch a movie? We got the entire weekend ahead of us, and I'm fresh out of sad stories." 

"What movie?" 

Liam pulled out a laptop from his suitcase. "I've got here two tons of downloaded shit; we can connect it to the TV. Your husband may have hinted that you are a bit of a nerd. I've got every episode of star-wars. Lord of the Rings, plus the new crappy films. But I got more exquisite stuff, 'Blade Runner' the original, '2001', 'Alien', 'Clockwork Orange' 'Close Encounters' if it's a classic then it's here." He patted the laptop. 

"What? You downloaded all that stuff just for me?" 

"Why do you think everything revolves around you?" 

"Then why on earth would you have '2001 Space Odyssey' on your laptop?" 

"Maybe I'm a nerd too? Or that possibility never occurred to you." 

"Get real." 

"You get real." 

"You're a Shayetet -13. You're that hot surfer; the one who gets the girls all dreamy eyed and crap like that." 

"So?" 

"So you can't be a nerd." She laughed. 

"But I am, and you're prejudiced as hell, Mrs. Rose Alexander." 

"Am not." 

"Am too. Just because I'm a dumb Jock who sells cars for a living, so if I'm humming Prokofiev's symphony no. 5, then I probably learned it from a ringtone. Not prejudiced, my ass." 

"Oh, crap." 

"The tune you keep whistling and humming. It's actually a classical piece." He said, repeating her own words and imitating her voice. "No shit! Twelve years of piano lessons, playing at the Tel-Aviv conservatorium. I bet I forgot more classical music than you ever learned." 

"Oh, double crap." 

"Exactly. Now finish the salad and pick a movie." 

@@@@@@@@@@@ 

The sun reached its apex in the middle of the sky, and Adam's lust reached a boiling point. Michelle indeed went out of the boutique after he bought her that evening dress, but she had to check into every other shop and every stall between the mall and the parking lot. To make things more frustrating, it was Friday, and the market in Tiberius was open. He had to buy her a blue bracelet that she simply had to try, was sooo adorable, and matched the blue evening dress. Then she buttered him into buying a silver necklace that just matched the bracelet so well. Adam said a silent prayer of thanks when she missed a jewelry shop and probably some diamond earrings that matched all three. 

"This is totally awesome." They strolled hand in hand through the Tiberius' esplanade. "I feel like I'm a teenager again. It's so romantic. Who would have thought?" She kissed his cheek. 

If Adam wanted romance he would have rented a movie. He grunted in frustration. 

Michelle in a flowery yellow and red halter dress was blooming. She laughed a lot; none of that fake laugh that she used near her husband. Her iPhone constantly clicked as she took a selfie every minute and then uploaded the narcissus masterpiece to her Facebook. "Let's take a photo together under that arch." She pointed at an ancient Roman era arch, towering over a Bedouin selling donkey rides to young tourists. 

"Why?" 

"I want a souvenir, silly." 

"I hope you're not planning to upload it." 

"Are you nuts? Of course not; I'm a married woman. Just something for myself to remember. Now stand straight, eyes front, look at the pier, no, not like that. Try to look like you don't want to be somewhere else, sweetie." 

"It's a bit awkward, Michelle, don't you think?" 

"Can you?" She gave a heart melting smile to the donkey ride selling Bedouin, and offered him her iPhone. "If you're so tense, baby, then I have just the right cure." She grabbed the surprised Adam and pulled his head for a hot French kiss. The Bedouin cat called and pressed the smartphone's camera several times. He waited for the kiss to end, and then took some more pictures because the kiss lasted forever. 

Michelle pulled Adam's body to hers. He felt her breasts pressing against his chest, her warmth and perfume engulfing him. Her arms circled his neck and didn't let go. His arms went around her body and cupped her butt in the halter dress. Her tongue explored his mouth boldly, and his tongue answered the dance with the same enthusiasm. He wanted to breath her in, to devour her. His cock was straining to escape his pants. 

A white donkey shouted something in donkey language and the Bedouin sniggered as if it just told him a lewd joke. Michelle finally detached her lips but not her arms from around Adam's neck. "Is that a donkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" 

"God." 

Michelle grinded her pelvis against his. 

"Woa, there." His cock was on fire. 

She giggled and did it again. 

"Hey you two, get a room. This is a respectable business." The Bedouin said. 

"We already have a room." Michelle pulled Adam for another hot kiss that lasted a little longer from the previous. 

"The car is near." He said out of breath. 

Michelle simply pulled him again and kissed him deeply. 

"Oh my god," Adam moaned when she pulled back. "Come on, Michelle, people are watching." 

The white donkey decided at that point to mount the black one tied next to it. Maybe out of envy, or maybe he wanted to show off, possibly it was just horny. The huge rod flexed in the air and disappeared completely inside the black donkey's sheath. Both animals gave a loud horn like bray to the sun. The Bedouin cursed in Arabic. 

"I think they are in love," Michelle said. "Are you relaxed yet, sweetie?" 

"Are you for real? I'm like Mount Vesuvius just before it buried Pompeii." 

"Mount who?" 

"I'm about to explode." 

"Oh," She hooked one leg around his and grinded her pelvis mercilessly against his. He started to protest but she shut him up with a passionate French kiss. 

Adam exploded in his pants. 

@@@@@@@@@@@ 

"The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping." The words of interrogator on the flat TV screen echoed ominously. They sounded alien inside the sunny cabin on early noon. 

"What do you mean I'm not helping?" Rose said. 

"What do you mean I'm not helping?" Leon the android said. 




The Catastrophic Swap



"Let me tell you about my mother..." Rose said long before the actor on screen reached his line, and reached for the gun. "You know? Saying that 'Blade Runner' is based on 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?', is like saying 'Harry Potter' is based on the 'Earthsea'. " 

"Who cares?" Liam fished a pistachio nut from a basket that was lying between them on the bed. It set a convenient border. "It's a unique case of an awesome book and an awesome movie?" 

"Earthsea?" 

"No! Do Androids Dream," Liam spit out the nut shell. 

"Oh, I'll take Ursula over P.K.D every time." 

"Say what?" 

"For sure." 

"Ursula over P.K.D? Blasphemy!" 

"Oh god, another Philip. K fanatic drone. I like Le Guin; shoot me." 

"Over Philip. K every time." Liam mouthed the words slowly. "Blasphemy." 

"Some of what he did was great, but some of the early work was hack writing. He was a known schizophrenic and an amphetamine addict, and it shows." 

"Okay," Liam sat up. "I thought I could spend the weekend with you, but this is.., pffft." He made the 'way over the top' sign. "Sorry, Rose, I thought I could do this, but I'm afraid you'll just have to leave." 

"What? Right now?" 

"I'm sorry, but a man has to draw his red lines somewhere." 

"Alrighty then, it has been-" Rose almost said fun. "It has been surprisingly interesting." She reached out and shook his hand. "I guess I'll be going now." 

"You're still here?" 

"No, I'm gone already." Rose sank back on the bed. "I meant, she's gone already, I'm the new girl they sent as a replacement." 

"I hope the new one doesn't think Le Guin writes better than Philip. K. Dick." 

"Le Guin who?" 

"Good girl. Want a Pistachio?" 

"Too fatty." Rose slapped her stomach. "You know? That's the nerdiest conversation I had in years." 

"Good passionate talk about stuff that doesn't really matter to most sane human beings?" 

"Exactly! You are a nerd." 

"Told you so." Liam pealed another pistachio, threw it in the air and tried to grab it with his mouth. It hit his nose instead and skipped onto the carpet. "In fact, I'm so nerdish I once flew to a Star-Wars convention in California and George Lucas and all the fans went outside and did 'The Wave' just out of respect to my superior geekiness. True story." 

"Which part of it?" 

"The part where I almost flew to California. I'm in the closet nerd; I would never go on a convention. Society wouldn't accept it." 

"Thanks for the effort, anyway." Rose sighed. "Yeah, it has been..." 

"Nice." Liam tried an underhand throw of another pistachio; this one landed true. "Yep nice. Say it. It has been nice here for the past sixty minutes with you, Liam. Won't kill you to admit. I counted four smiles and one short laugh." 

Rose glared at him. 

"Or maybe not." 

"You know, it's a beautiful day outside," she said. 

"Wanna go out?" 

"Yeah. It's stupid to watch a movie I've seen a dozen times on a day like this. I want to go out and pick acorns, so Ben can show them at his kindergarten next week. They do a circle gathering sort of thing, and anyone who's done something special on the weekend or brings something special to show the other kids, gets to be a hero for like five minutes." 

"I get what you're saying. Nice being the center of attention once in a while. Builds character and self-confidence." 

"I bet that if my parents had taken care to build me some, I wouldn't have been here while my husband is out there with..." She choked. 

"Hey." 

"No, I'm not crying about it anymore. Enough is enough. Let's find us some acorns in the wadi." She jumped out of bed. "Look up." She pointed at the ceiling. He did, and Rose changed to a comfy white T-shirt and training pants. She checked, Liam kept looking at the ceiling and didn't sneak a peek even once, as befitting to his new title as a nerd. 

"Actually the trees around the cabin are oaks," he said. 

"Oh, right, right, you said something about that when we were in the Jacuzzi." 

"You actually listened." 

"Just a little because it was so absurd." 

"Me? You mean I was absurd?" 

"Yeah, you, Sir. Obtuse a Lot," she tied her sneakers. "You rambled about hypothetical trees, oblivious to the fact that everyone was all about the non-hypothetical question of who is going to have sex with whom in a few minutes." 

"I'm not an idiot or obtuse." Liam face darkened. "I knew exactly what was going on. I just tried to diffuse the situation." 

"Touchy. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. " 

"No you're not." 

"So you're also a psychic?" 

"Just a vibe I'm getting. You chose to be here, no one forced you, Rose. Don't blame it on me." 

"Except that I wouldn't be here!" She raised her voice. 

"What?" 

"If you hadn't filled my husband's head with swapping, I wouldn't have been here in the first place. I had a perfect marriage before you came." 

"I filled your husband's brain? Me?" 

"Short memory syndrome?" 

"What?" 

"Caused by a guilty conscience, maybe? Wasn't it you in that stupid party in your stupid house that jumped and told us we should try swinging?" 

"Adam initiated that talk, not me." 

"What?" 

"We had a swap with Andrey Schwartz and his wife, and the idiot went and bragged about it to Adam. Your husband initiated that talk." 

"And you immediately figured it was an invitation!" 

"Because Adam told me both of you discussed swinging and this was something you both-" Liam slammed his fist on the bed, and the plate of pistachios flew and flipped. 

"You wanna hit me or something?" 

"So now I'm also a violent fuck who hits women?" 

"Both of us what?" 

"He said you both considered swinging, just didn't have the opportunity." 

"Bullshit." 

"How was I supposed to know he's a lying douche? I would have never-" 

"I don't believe you." She screamed, picked the empty bowl, and threw it in his face. Liam simply dodged. "Adam would never-" She thought of all her husband's little lies. "He would never." She thought about all his nasty secrets. "He would never betray me like that!" She thought about her image crying in the grass, while he called her a jerk and rushed to his new sex partner. "He would never!" 

"Really, Rose? 

Rose buried her face in her palms. 

"Crap, look, don't cry." 

"He's such an idiot." 

"I'm sorry, I really am. Just don't cry, please." 

"What am I going to do?" 

"Let's just go outside for some fresh air. Okay? One acorn at a time." 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

"Maybe I should climb higher?" Rose got a bleeding scratch from a low branch and she sucked on her thumb. A sense of calm hit her and she closed her eyes. Maybe it was the fresh air, maybe she was fresh out of tears. 

One acorn at a time. Liam was right. Occupy your mind with something else. 

"I think there are no acorns on this stupid oak," she said. 

"Maybe because it's an Ella (Pistacia)." 

"Oh." Rose hiccupped, the aftershock of her crying. 

"But when you have an Ella, the one next to it is always an Oak, they are lovers." 

"So this one?" She pointed at a tall tree shading their cabin. 

"Yep. Zeus once got down from the Olympus to see how men were doing. And he found only crappy people." 

"Swapping partners?" 

"Sodom and Gomorrah. But then he found this nice old couple-" 

"Oak and Ella." 

"So you know the legend?" 

"And they were the worse rotten pair in the bunch, like you wouldn't believe." She sniffed a little and hiccupped. "So the godfather of the Olympus turned them into trees. Shazam. No acorns for you, next." 

"No, they took him in, shared their meal etcetera. So when they died he immortalized their love by those two trees that always grow together. Oak and Ela. Now they keep watching each other in the afterlife." 

"Spoken like a true nerd. You better watch him good, girl," Rose patted the trunk. "Don't blink. You can never know when your hubby might decide that you're not enough for him and he might want to sample a pine-lady. That oak is too tall, let's find another, Liam." 

Before she could protest he was already half way up the trunk. "Do you need just one, Rose?" 

An acorn bounced off her head and skipped happily into the grass. "Ouch, that hurt." 

"Sorry." 

"No, no, throw more. If Ben can give each kid an acorn, he'll be very popular." 

"He's five." 

"I wanna start early on his popularity. Prep him up when he's young, to compensate for my own horrendous lack of social aptitude as a kid. You know, Liam?" 

He threw down another acorn. 

"I just realized something." 

Liam kept climbing up. 

"You've been really nice to me since the moment we came, and I've been a total bitch." 

He shook a branch and two more acorns fell. 

"And you were really empathic, and caring. Not a douche bag at all." 

"And?" 

"And I'm sorry I lashed, it was unfair. I'm mad at Adam, doesn't mean it's your fault." 

"Some of it is. I shouldn't have done what I did at the party. I acted like a major douche. I'm not like that." 

"So why?" 

He stopped shaking the branch and looked down. "Because of you." 

"Me?" 

"You're special, I think you're amazing." 

"Stop." 

"You are amazing, Rose." 

"I'm also married." 

"Yeah, me too." He tried to wiggle another branch, but he overreached and it cracked. He tried to balance himself with another branch, but that one too betrayed him. Rose screamed and Liam he went like an angry-bird flop, onto the tall grass. 

"Are you okay? Liam?" She rushed over. "Are you hurt?" 

"Just my pride. Oh, crap. Maybe more than just my pride." 

"I'm so sorry, Liam." 

"Me too." 

She leaned over and kissed his forehead, startling them both. 

"Yeah, okay." 

Then she leaned again and touched his lips with hers. 

He stared at her, eyes wide. 

Rose shrugged. Next she leaned over and kissed his lips again, only this time it was much longer. Her tongue tried to part his lips but Liam pulled back. 

"Rose, wait. What are you doing?" 

"I thought this was the whole point of the weekend? No?" 

"Yeah, but-" 

"But I want to now. I want that very much." 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

"We were hardly out on the sun?" 

"Blame it on my fucking genes," Adam gave a halfhearted snarl at his red face in the mirror, "not everyone's grandparents were Yemenites." 

"I'm fifty percent Persian." 

"And a hundred percent a gold-digger tease." Adam mumbled. 

"What was that?" 

"Nothing, I'm sweating like a hog." 

"What did you say?" 

"I'm taking a shower." 

"I haven't eaten anything since morning." 

"You should have said something when we were at Tiberius. Nothing nearby is open on Friday afternoon." Adam pealed the shirt that was glued to his body with sweat. The wetness in his pants wasn't that great either. "Your husband said something about going to a restaurant this evening. We could ask him to make it earlier, say, seven? Hey!" He heard the shower door open up behind him and turned around. 

"Hey, big boy." 

"Hey, yourself." 

"I just wanted to tell you that it had been, so far, the best day." She placed her hand around his neck and pulled him over for another one of her French, full tongue action kisses. "I'm really grateful. It was special." 

Adam smiled and kissed her lips back. 

"I like you, Adam Alexander. A lot." 

"I'm glad." 

"That's the part when you're supposed to say that you like me too, a lot." 

"Sure." 

"Hey, don't be like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like cold. I've got enough of that from," Michelle nodded her head towards the shower room's wall and Liam's side of the duplex cabin. 

"Duset daram?" 

"Huh?" 

"I think that's Persian for I love you, Mrs. Half Persian." 

"You don't say, hmmm... I could use a shower too." 

"With all your clothes on?" 

She kicked off her stylish shoes and pulled the flowery dress left strap slowly, proceeding with the right. 

"You can leave your hat on." 

She slowly danced out of her dress, letting it slide to the wet floor. Her bra was off a second later, revealing the extraordinary work Liam paid for. Not too big, symmetrically round, and large brown nipples pointing up. "You like?" 

"Comme ci, comme ça." 

"Okay, have fun-" 

"Oh God, wait, can't you take a joke?" 

"Nobody likes a wiseass." She frowned but took off her panties nonetheless, she was completely shaved. "That was a rhetorical question. I can see you really like, Adam." 

"Don't be intimidated, I have a license to carry an extra-big caliber." 

"So where did you leave it?" 

"Come here." Adam growled, pulled her into the shower, and closed the door behind her. "All of it, just for you." 

"It's just a cock, sweetie." 

"Only bigger." 

"I've seen bigger and longer." 

"Like when?" 

"Each time Liam takes his shorts off." 

"Get the fuck out of here." 

"My husband got something in common with the donkey we saw today." 

"You're just trying to bust my balls." 

She cupped his balls and rubbed the mushroom's head with open palm. "Why, you have a size issue?" 

"Not until today, I hadn't." 

"Are you afraid Rose will like it?" 

"Fuck no! Anyway, it's how you use it that matters." 

Michelle took the shampoo and squeezed it hard on her perfect chest and flat stomach. A short wicked smile escaped her lips. "I bet he'll make that prune wife of yours wiggle." 

"What? Bullshit. Anyway, your husband isn't getting any tonight." 

"Don't bet on it." 

"Rose had a change of heart at the last moment. She won't do it." 

"Don't bet on it." 

"I know my wife. When she is set on something... Too bad, buddy." He said to the wall. 

"But that would mean that he'll never want to swap again, I mean with you." Michelle hugged Adam and pushed him to the wall. Her shampoo wet body made squishy sounds against his. "I don't want this to be a onetime event only." 

"We'll jump that fence when we get there." 

"Liam would never agree." 

"What he doesn't know can't hurt him," Adam said. 

"And Rose?" 

He didn't like to think about cheating on Rose. "You know, I fantasized about us in the shower." He changed the subject. 

"Was there something in that fantasy like this?" Michelle turned around and leaned back until his cock was nestled in the cleft of her ass. 

"Oh God," Adam grabbed her perfect tits from behind. He rubbed both nipples, slowly with his fore-finger and Michelle moaned. He opened the water and hot drops rained down on them and soon covered the glass with steam. 

She started rubbing her ass against his cock, up and down. Her lithe brown body glistened from the shampoo. Adam's fingers traveled on her belly and thighs, and his lips explored her shoulder. The shower was full of heavy breathing. Adam's body tensed as he flexed himself into her muscly ass. Her ass cheeks enveloped his cock, slippery and spongy from the hot water and soap. Michelle suddenly turned around and grabbed his cock with both hands. Her hands pumped twice. 

"Wait, just-" His cock disappeared between her fingers and reappeared again. She pumped twice more. 

"Christ I can't. Oh fuck-" 

His cock reappeared between her slippery fingers, this time the slit opened up and a thick stream of milky semen flew from it, and sprayed on the glass opposite him. 

"Oh, gaaad." Adam legs were shaking and he leaned back on the tiles. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to-" he gulped some air, "so fast. I'm sorry." 

"I like it when a guy can't hold it when I'm near." 

"Next time I'll go slower." 

"Promises, promises." She placed her hands around his neck and pulled him for a deep French kiss. 

He grabbed her buttocks and Michelle moaned into his mouth. Their lips separated but their bodies didn't. "You sure like to kiss," he said. 

"It's romantic. He doesn't," she nodded her head to the wall again. "He hates it when I kiss him in public, and when we're alone he never wants to." 

"He doesn't know what he's missing. Well, I was-. What the hell is that?" 

"What?" 

"There, again. That noise?" 

"Sounds like a horny cat that's- wait, Adam, where are you going?" 

But Adam was out of the shower already. Head extended forward, he walked slowly to the wooden wall separating their shower with Rose and Liam's bedroom. The cat like moan rose up again, this time much louder. Without the water's noise to muffle it, what he hoped was a mistake turned into the devastating truth. "That's no cat, that's Rose." His face was a mask of shock. "That's Rose when she's..." 

"I guess my husband is getting some after all." 

@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

Liam sat himself slowly on the bed, his ass' bone and hand still ached from the fall. "I'm not sure we should do this, Rose." 

"You're killing the mood." 

"What mood exactly?" 

"I'm starting to think that you said you wanted me just to make me feel better. You keep saying that we shouldn't." 

"That's just the decent nerd in me talking." 

"Tell him to zip it." Rose sat down on the bed and took a deep breath. In contrast to her bold demeanor, that breath came out shaky. She sat like that, for almost a minute, looking at the TV screen that still ran Ridley Scott's 'Blade Runner' while Liam stared at her profile. "Awkward silence moments." She sighed. "Don't you just love them? Say something." 

"You told the inner decent nerd to shut up." 

"Let the hot surfer player do the talking." 

"No such person in here." He lay back on the bed. 

"Can I..?" 

"Sure." 

Rose lay down her on his huge chest and listened to the strong heartbeat. Another ten minutes of Blade Runner went by. Liam slowly caressed her cheek and lips with his finger until her breath became more ordered and her shivering stopped. 

"Liam, I do want to." 

"Why?" He kissed her top. 

"Not out of revenge, not out of spite. I just want to feel needed. That I'm worth something, and I'm not just convenient; I wanna feel desirable." 

"That's just your insecurity again." 

"My husband doesn't think I'm desirable." 

"He's an idiot. If you had been mine I would have never let anyone else touch you." 

His hand floating so lightly on her face felt really good. "So why don't you touch?" 

"I'm afraid that's difficult." 

"Aha, I knew it." 

"You're a friend now; I can't objectify you anymore, I'm too emotionally invested." 

"Crap." 

"It's not necessarily all bad." 

"You're a nerd and a lil too attached to your feminine side. But if you want to help a friend in need, well this friend needs to feel desired. I have an idea." She jumped out of the bed. "Hi there, you must be Liam." 

"What?" He laughed. 

"Just go with the flow. I'm Indiana Rose, the adventurer; you must be Professor Liam, the famous explorer." 

"What?" 

"I found this treasure map." 

"Can I see it?" 

"I seem to have misplaced it." She checked under her T-shirt. "I know it's here somewhere, can you help me find it?" 

"How?" 

"You're the famous explorer. Explore!" 

Liam laughed and jumped out of bed. He grabbed her hips and Rose screamed a little when he placed her effortlessly on the kitchen's countertop. "Can I look under your shirt?" 

"The famous explorer needs to stop for directions?" 

"I like this game." Rose raised her arms while he pulled her T-shirt over her head. However, he left it half way up. 

"I can't see anything." Came Rose's muffled voice through the cloth. 

"Too much adventure for you, Indiana?" Liam kissed her naked bellybutton and Rose giggled, some because it tickled and some because she felt an electric shot of excitement rising from her belly up. This was so different from anything she ever done. "I can't see the map anywhere. Maybe it's here?" She felt his finger on her back, and second later her bra was open and then gone. She was glad that her head was still in the upside shirt, because her face was burning. The only man who ever saw her naked twins beside Adam was her doctor.