191 comments/ 127271 views/ 22 favorites Shutdown Fever By: jake60 Hugh McLean was walking across the parking lot on his way to the cafeteria for his lunch. He'd drawn second shift for lunch, and was getting pretty hungry after five hours of steady work in the cab of his crane. As he walked towards the double doors leading into the cafeteria he noticed the small groups of workers, all of them engrossed in animated conversations. Something was up, and when so many of the guys were talking about it, it couldn't be good. He wondered if someone had been killed on the job. That would usually get everyone's attention. As he approached the first group he noticed a man that he knew, so he called out to him, "Hey Bert, what's up?" "It sounds like the Iron Workers Union is going to call a strike this afternoon. They don't have a contract, and they figure this would be a good chance to force one on the Company." "Are you sure? What's that going to mean for the rest of us? I know the Operating Engineers Union won't let me cross a picket line, and I really wouldn't want to, anyway." Hugh was a little concerned as there were only three days left until the job was supposed to be finished. He was ready to head home after having been gone for three weeks for this shutdown. Three weeks of 12 hour shifts, seven days a week, and he was anxious to get back to his wife and step son. These jobs, where the plant was shut down for major renovations, always meant good money, but terrible hours. The young guys enjoyed them, saying they had Shutdown Fever, but he was almost ready to find himself a normal five day a week job somewhere close to home, a job that would let him spend nights with his family.. He exchanged a few more sentences with the group, but wasn't able to find out anything much about the potential strike. There wasn't too much more time left for his lunch break, so he carried on into the cafeteria to fill his empty stomach. As he ate he could see several pickups pull up, and a group of supervisors in their white hard hats begin addressing the workers in the parking lot. When he finished eating Hugh wandered out with his Styrofoam cup of coffee, arriving in time to hear the Head Superintendent tell them to check the lists that were being taped to the cafeteria wall, and that if your name wasn't on it, you were laid off with one day's pay in lieu of proper notice. The strike was indeed going to take place, and while they felt it would only take a day or two to resolve, they were going to release some of the workers, as they didn't need the full crew to finish the job. Hugh turned to see a dozen sheets of paper now being taped to the wall, and was in a good position to be among the very first to check them out. They were all arranged alphabetically, and it didn't take long for him to see that Hugh McLean was not there. He was actually happy about that, as it meant he could leave for home this afternoon, and arrive there before midnight if the traffic cooperated. It took only a couple of hours for him to sign himself out at the paymaster's office, and return to his rented room to pack. After he quickly packed his clean clothes and dirty laundry into the suitcases he picked up the framed photo from the bedside table. He always brought it on the road with him, and kept it where he could see it. It was a photo that had been taken on the day 4 years ago that he and the former Donna Charles had been married. Theirs had been a simple service before a Justice of the Peace, with only his sister and Donna's mother there with them. Of course her son Bobby was there, but he was only two at the time. He and Donna were both 28 in the photo, and he felt it was still a pretty good picture of both of them. The photo showed them standing under an oak tree outside the courthouse. They were holding hands, looking at the camera, and Bobby was standing in front of them with a big smile on his face. Hugh was about 6 feet tall with black hair and dark eyes, and had a muscular build with the ruddy complexion that went with being outdoors a lot of the time. Donna was about 5 inches shorter than Hugh, a pretty brunette with hazel eyes. She kept her hair relatively short, a style that went well with her features. She weighed about 135 pounds, and had generous curves in all of the right places. Ever since Hugh had met her, she had worked as a secretary in a small real estate office. When the packing was complete he headed for his car to start the drive home. He had tried to call home before he left, but the busy signal told him that Donna was tied up on the phone, probably talking to his sister Kathy. The two of them were like sisters, always planning something together over coffee or by phone. It didn't really matter though, as it would be nice to surprise her by getting home for the weekend. With any luck he could even be home by 10 o'clock, and they could have a few beers or a glass of wine together. The drive from the work site in central Minnesota to his home in central Illinois was smoother than he expected, and by 10:30 he pulled into his driveway, only to find the house in darkness. 'Damn, Donna must have gone to bed early,' he thought to himself. He'd have to do something about that. A quick shower and he'd join her for a little bit of catch up in the loving department. He grabbed his suitcases and struggled through the kitchen door. "Donna, I'm home. Get your sleepy butt out here and give me a big welcome home kiss!" Hugh set his suitcases down in the kitchen, and headed down the hall to the master bedroom. To his surprise the bed was empty when he flipped on the light. A quick check in Bobby's room showed him that neither of them was in the house. 'Damn,' he thought to himself, 'I should have called her.' After putting his two suitcases in the bedroom, he headed for the door, as there was really only one place that Donna could be. Since Bobby wasn't home either, they would have to be at his older sister Kathy's. It was only a 3 block drive so he decided not to phone her in advance. A nice surprise would be more fun. He wondered if his brother Ralph would be at home. Ralph Roberts worked as a welder, often at out-of-town sites like the ones Hugh worked at. They had two sons, eight year old Barry and 12 year old Ralph Jr. It was obvious as he pulled into Kathy's driveway that Donna's car wasn't there. It made him a little curious, but since he hadn't checked the garage at home, she may have just walked over. He could see that the light was on in the kitchen so he tapped on the door as he walked into his sister's home. Kathy was seated at the kitchen table and looked up in amazement and shock when he opened the door. "Jesus Christ, Hugh! You almost scared the life right out of me. Where did you come from? You're supposed to be in Minnesota until Monday or Tuesday." "It's a long story, Kathy. The iron workers went out on strike so the company gave a bunch of us an early layoff. I was one of the lucky ones. I got the rest of my shift today plus a full shifts' pay for tomorrow. It was a deal I couldn't refuse. Where is Donna? She's not at home, and neither is Bobby." As he was speaking, Hugh poured himself a half cup of coffee and sat down at the table with his sister. "Well, Bobby's in the back bedroom, fast asleep with my boys. Donna was invited out for a few drinks and some card playing with your friends Allison and Jerry. She said she might be late, so instead of waking Bobby up to take him home, she asked if I could watch him for the night; as if that would be a problem." As she was speaking Hugh's head had suddenly snapped up and all expression had left his face. When he spoke there was a subtle change to the tone of his voice, a change that Kathy didn't really notice. "She said she was visiting Allison and Jerry? What time did she go over there?" He was watching closely as Kathy answered his questions. "That's right; she said she was playing cards with Allison and Jerry. I think she left here about 8:30. She said you guys go out together a lot. She was over for supper with them last Friday night, too. I don't mind, Bobby's a real dear, and she watches my two whenever I need a quick babysitter." "Yeah, we do visit them often. He and I work on a lot of jobs together. Tell you what, I'm going to go over and join them. Don't call and warn them that I'm coming, I'd like it to be a surprise." Hugh got up and drained his cup of coffee before heading towards the door. "I'll call you tomorrow, Kathy." He gave his sister a quick wave goodbye, and then went out the door. There was a look of serious concern on his face. As he drove to the home of Allison and Jerry Black he had a lot going on in his mind. The day before he had left for the job in Minnesota, Allison Black had called. Donna wasn't home at the time, so he had chatted with her. The reason for her call was to tell them that she was going to be leaving in the morning to spend a month in California with her sister. Her sister was expecting twins, and had asked Allison to come and help her during the last week of her pregnancy, and for the first few weeks at home with the newborn infants. Hugh was sure he'd forgotten to tell Donna about the call. If Allison was in California, who was Donna visiting, he wondered? If she wasn't at the Black's home, where had she gone? He decided that it was possible that Allison had canceled her trip for some reason, or maybe Kathy had been wrong with the names. He certainly hoped that was the case, as the alternative he could think of was big trouble. He'd never had reason to doubt his wife in the four years since they had married, but there already was the thought in the back of his mind that maybe she was hiding something from him and his sister. Jerry Black had often commented on how much he appreciated Donna's good looks and curvy body. A couple of times when he'd had a few extra drinks, he'd made some suggestive remarks, remarks that Donna had laughed off. It had been Donna's good looks that had initially caught Hugh's eye, but it was her winning personality that had really got him interested. She was a single mother when he met her, but once he had met Bobby, the fact that she had a child was inconsequential to him. He really liked her boy, and they had bonded well once he and Donna had become a couple. Lately he had begun to think of formally adopting Bobby so that he could give him the McLean name. Hugh decided that he would first check at Allison and Jerry's, to see if his fears were just foolishness. As he turned down the street towards their house he realized his heart was beating faster than normal. 'What if she isn't here; or what if she is, and Allison really is in California?' These thoughts were racing through his mind as he pulled to a stop across the street from the Black residence. Jerry's car was in the driveway, but there was another car in front of it that he couldn't see very clearly. It was in the shadows, and he hoped that it wasn't his wife's car. The house was in darkness, and he knew that if they were playing cards and having a few drinks they would be in the kitchen or living room, and he could tell from where he was parked that there were no lights on downstairs. Staring at the house and the mysterious car in the shadows wasn't doing anything to calm down Hugh's racing heart. After about a minute of thought, he quietly got out of the car and let the door swing back gently, trying to be as quiet as he could. He had to check that mysterious shadowed car to see whether it was his wife's or not. As he walked around the side of Jerry's red Mustang, his worst fears were confirmed; it was Donna's car all right. She had apparently pulled around Jerry's car and parked in front of it. Hugh was confused now, uncertain of just what he should do, and very unsure of what exactly was going on inside. He decided to walk around the house, thinking that perhaps they were on the patio. As he walked along the sidewalk at the side of the house he began to feel calmer, having convinced himself that they would be seated on the patio enjoying a beer. As he rounded the house though, he could see that the patio was empty; no one was enjoying a drink under the stars. He walked further into the back yard and looked up at the house. There was a dim light in the window at the center of the upper floor. He'd been in the home often enough to know which room that was. A surge of anger overtook him, and he quickly retraced his steps to his car, where he opened the trunk and took out the hammer he kept there. He was hefting the hammer in his hand as he walked purposefully back to the house. It wasn't until he approached the side door that he began to slow down and bring his thoughts under control. His initial decision had been to use the spare key he knew was under the welcome mat at the door. He had already imagined their startled faces when he came into the dimly lit main bedroom, swinging his hammer, intent on beating them senseless. Visions of the aftermath had come to him in time though, and he realized he couldn't do that to another human being, regardless of his motive. He would have had to do away with himself too, as he couldn't imagine living with the reality of what he had intended to do. He stood by the back door, pounding the hammer lightly against the palm of his hand, thinking about what he should do. Finally he backed away from the door, and went to his wife's car. Donna had the bad habit of leaving her keys sitting in the tray in the center console whenever she parked her car. He always told her it was an open invitation for someone to steal the car, with the door unlocked and the keys in plain sight. He opened the door quietly, grabbed her set of keys, and left the hammer on the driver seat. After quietly closing the door he went back to his car and drove away, heading back to the home he and Donna had shared. It was only a few blocks drive, and about the time that he turned into the driveway the full effect of what was happening caught up with him. The fatigue he felt from the long day of work and driving, combined with the realization that the woman he had fallen in love with was now in the bed of his onetime good friend, brought tears to his eyes. For the next 10 minutes, time that seemed more like an hour to him, the tears flowed unabated as he grieved for what he had lost. Eventually the grief began to be supplanted once again with anger, controlled anger that got him thinking about a plan, a way to salvage some pride and punish his cheating wife. As a plan was formed he regained control of his emotions, and 15 minutes later he got out of the car and headed to the house with a look of determination on his face. His first step was to empty his two suitcases, and take the dirty laundry to the laundry room. His dirty clothes could be washing while he went about completing his tasks. The now empty suitcases were lying on the bed, and he began to carefully fill them with his clothes from the closet and the drawers in the dresser. When the two suitcases were fully packed and could hold no more, he took them to his car. He knew there were boxes in the basement storeroom, so he went down and got several of them, neatly dumping their previous contents into piles on the basement floor. Donna could get replacements and clean up the mess later. He proceeded slowly through the house, gathering the things that belonged to him. The house and furniture belonged to Donna. She was already living there when he had met her, so there wasn't going to be any need to worry about who was getting what. Hugh knew that he hadn't contributed a lot of items to the house, although there were several things he would claim as his own. There was a laptop that he had purchased to replace their aging computer system. He would leave the older system for Donna and Bobby to use. They had two DVD players, so he carefully removed the one connected to the basement TV, and packed it and that TV into the car. By 3 a.m. he had the car full, and left to find himself a motel room for the weekend. He found a clean place about 3 miles from his former home, and unloaded the first load from the car into the room. Within an hour he was back at the house, loading more of what he considered to be his share of the community assets. He included a box of assorted dishes and cutlery, another of bedding and a third for the books, CDs, DVDs and videotapes that he felt were his. During all of this packing, his work clothes had been washed and dried and added to the car. The last hour was spent packing his tools from the basement and garage into the trunk of his car. By 6:30 he was finished, and made a slow pass through the house looking for anything that he had missed. The last item he found was a recent photo of Bobby, and he placed it in his pocket. His final act was to sit at the kitchen table, and while he drank a cold glass of water, he wrote a short note and stuffed it into an envelope. That envelope was left in the middle of the kitchen table, with Donna's key ring weighting it down. He left the door unlocked as he walked away. A half hour later he had his remaining possessions stored in his motel room. The next 10 minutes were spent under a hot shower, letting it wash away the day's sweat, and the tears that had returned when he realized it was all done. After crawling naked into the bed he fell asleep almost immediately, the long day, the stress and the emotions having finally caught up to him. ********** Donna McLean rushed up the sidewalk to her back door, upset that it was already 8:30 and she had wanted to be back home well before eight, before anyone would be likely to see her arriving home. Some fool kids had stolen her car keys so she had quickly walked home to get her spare set of keys. Jerry had offered to drive her, but she was pretty upset with him and was also worried about what the neighbors might think if a strange man drove her home at that time of the morning. It was safer for her to just walk home on her own. Her biggest concern was that the spare house key wouldn't be where it was supposed to be, at the bottom of her clothespin bag. As she approached the rear door she turned the knob by habit, and was surprised to see the door open for her. She silently cursed herself for having forgotten to lock it, and rushed inside and set her purse on the counter. If she remembered correctly, the spare car keys should be in the drawer under the telephone. As she walked to the phone she glanced at the table, and realized something there didn't fit. She stopped and looked more closely, and realized her missing set of keys was sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. "How did they get there?" She had spoken this aloud, without even realizing it, as she was so shocked at seeing her key ring there on the table. She reached for the key ring and then noticed the envelope below it. A look of curiosity was quickly replaced by concern, as she looked around her to ensure there was no one else in the room. With shaking hands she picked up the envelope and removed the paper inside. As she did that, something fell from the envelope and bounced across the kitchen floor. She thought she could see something under the edge of the counter in the general location where the item had disappeared from her view. Donna unfolded the paper and read it twice before the full realization of what it said struck home to her. When it did she collapsed onto a kitchen chair, her face in her hands, sobs wracking her body. She began repeating, over and over, "God no, dear God no!" It became her mantra as she sat on the chair rocking back and forth. Tears began to find their way down her cheeks and her hands, which were still covering her face. After a couple of minutes the phrases she was uttering changed, becoming, "What have I done, what have I done!" She eventually calmed down enough to pick up the note and read it again, hoping that it didn't say what she thought it did. This time she read it carefully. Shutdown Fever "You and that supposed friend of mine are lucky I didn't come upstairs and beat you to death with that hammer. Tell that bastard to stay out of my way. If he ever shows up on a job site where I'm working he may not survive. I've taken my stuff and I won't be back. If I left anything you can do whatever you want with it. I'll let you explain to Bobby why I'm not around anymore." She was still sniffling and quietly sobbing as she got up to go and see what had fallen on the floor. When she picked it up and saw that it was Hugh's wedding band she collapsed to her knees on the floor, and the tears and loud sobbing returned. ************ Hugh slept the sleep of the dead, not waking up until 6 p.m. It was the urgent need to have a pee that woke him, and he quickly got up and used the bathroom. It wasn't until he walked back into the main part of the motel room that the full memory of the previous night's events came back to hit him. He stopped in his tracks; his mind flooded with the pain of the previous night, and he finally sat on the edge of the bed as he wondered what he should do next. The next half hour was spent sorting through his clothing, finding the items he would need in order to leave the room for some supper. Hunger had become his main concern as he hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours. The last meal he'd had was a quick burger and fries at a truck stop along the highway on his way home. Once he was dressed he called the desk to keep the room for the next couple of days, and then grabbed his cell phone and headed out for supper. There was a nice looking Cafe a block away from the motel so he pulled in. Once he was seated and had placed his order, he took out his cell phone and turned it on. Almost immediately it rang, and he could see by the caller ID that it was his wife's cell phone number. He shut off the phone and stuck it back in his pocket. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to that bitch, he said to himself. As he sat and thought about everything that had happened, he glanced at the window he was seated beside, and got a good look at his own reflection. He realized he hadn't combed his hair or had a shave before he left the motel. So much for thinking he was his normal self. The meal looked very good but Hugh found that it was tasteless to him. All he could think of was what he had stumbled upon when he came home unexpectedly. How many times had that bitch visited his friends while he worked on jobs out of town? He would never have thought her capable of it, but the proof had been there in front of him. Suddenly the thought that perhaps his own sister had known about this all along crossed his mind, and his anger returned. After careful thought, though, he realized she must not have known what Donna was up to, or she would have called her and warned her. He decided to call Kathy to let her know that he was all right. When he flipped on his cell phone, he was advised that he had voicemail messages. He listened to the first three of them, but found they were all variations of the same message. Donna was sorry; she was crying; she begged for his forgiveness; she begged him to call her. As he continued through the messages he pressed the button to delete the message as soon as he heard her voice. It wasn't until the 7th message that the voice of his sister came through to him. He listened to that one. "Hugh, please call and let me know you're all right. Donna called me this morning, and she's a basket case. It took a while, but I finally got her to tell me what was wrong. She says you've left her; that you took all of your stuff and moved out. Call me as soon as you get this message." The next nine messages were from Donna, and he deleted them all without listening to them. The last message was another one from his sister, begging him to give her a call. He sat and stared at the phone, undecided about what he should do. It sounded like Donna hadn't told Kathy what was really going on. He ordered a cup of coffee, and after it arrived he punched in his sister's number. It rang four times and then switched to her answering machine, so he left her his message. "It doesn't sound like that bitch told you the whole story about why I left. Allison Black went to California the weekend I went out of town. Donna was over there with Jerry, and they weren't playing cards in the kitchen. I'll be arranging for a divorce as soon as I can contact the lawyer. You can tell her to quit calling me because I won't listen to any more of her messages. After the first three I just deleted them all. I'll maybe call you again tomorrow or someday soon. Bye." Hugh spent the next hour sipping his coffee and two refills. He couldn't really believe that his happy marriage had gone down the crapper so quickly. He tried to think back over his years with Donna, searching for any memory that might have suggested she was going to be unfaithful to him. He couldn't think of anything, but felt he obviously must have missed something. How could she go from devoted wife to cheating slut right under his nose? His eyes filled again with tears as he thought about the good times, and there had been many. Eventually he left and drove aimlessly around the town for a while before finally returning to his motel room. The long sleep he'd had, and the cups of coffee he'd drunk, kept him awake, and so he busied himself with sorting out his hurriedly packed possessions. The room had a dial up Internet connection so he set up his laptop. The next hour passed quickly as he did some banking on the Internet, moving his share of their joint accounts into his own personal savings account. He made a point of not taking every last cent he was entitled to. He wanted to take the high ground in this whole sordid mess. It was Saturday night, and he knew that most of the guys from the Union would be in the Midway Bar. By 11 o'clock he was finished with his banking and sorting operations, and decided to clean up and head down to the bar to see if any of the guys knew what jobs were available. He had decided that the best solution would be to find a good out of town job to get him away from Donna and Jerry, before he reconsidered his decision to not beat them to death. He was beginning to have major anger issues, and hanging around this town was not going to help them he was sure. A half hour later he was seated with three other Hoisting Engineers, men he had worked with often in the past. He quickly found out that the best job on the board right then was in Alaska, constructing a large pumping station for North Slope oil. It meant working six week stretches with two weeks off. There were openings for crane operators as not too many men wanted to take these jobs that required so much time out of town. He thought to himself, 'This sounds ideal. I can get away from that bitch, and make enough money to set myself up with my own place somewhere.' After two beers with the boys he excused himself, and headed back to the motel, a fresh plan in mind. By Wednesday morning he had accomplished a lot. He hired a lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings using irreconcilable differences as the reason, and left the lawyer a list of what items he had taken and what he had left, along with his email address. The Union office had set him up with the contractors doing the Alaska project, and he had signed all the papers committing himself to a minimum six week stretch on the North Slope. He'd found a storage company to take his meager possessions and hold them for him while he was away. Over the last few days he had deleted another two dozen voicemail messages from Donna. He hadn't listened to any of them. His one call to his sister was again answered by the machine, so he simply told her that he would be in touch and then cancelled his cell phone service. On Wednesday morning at 11 a.m. he caught the first flight of a complicated series of connections that would get him to the North Slope worksite by Thursday night. He felt nothing but relief as his plane taxied away from the boarding tunnel. His car was at the long-term storage lot, his bags were in the hold of the plane, his laptop was in the overhead compartment, and he was starting to put distance between himself and the source of the aching, empty feeling in his chest. As the plane took off he leaned back and closed his eyes, but all he could see was the happy couple standing with the smiling little boy, the photo that had been taken the day they had been married. The next week was a dizzying series of plane trips; a long ride jammed into a 'school bus' that took him to the camp; a two day indoctrination and safety seminar; getting comfortable in his 10' x 12' dormitory room; and spending his first three 12 hour shifts hoisting pipes and equipment on the job site. The work was tedious, the meals were rushed, and the alarm rang much too early. The morning of his fourth workday Hugh awoke feeling much better, much more in tune with his new circumstances. After this shift he would set up his laptop, email his sister, and begin taking stock of the features of his temporary home. Up to this point he had done nothing but work, eat and sleep. He had been largely able to avoid thinking about Donna, and her adultery, but knew it was time to begin his own healing, and the best way to do that would be to approach it head on. That evening when his shift was finished and he headed for the cafeteria, Hugh decided to pay attention, and his new interest in learning more about his surroundings was rewarded. Off in the corner of the cafeteria he was surprised to see a man he knew well. Frank Carpenter had been one of Hugh's best friends in high school, but they had drifted apart over time, mainly because Hugh was married and Frank was not. "Frank, how the hell are you? I'm surprised to see you up here. How long have you been up in Alaska?" Hugh sat in the empty seat across from his old friend, and extended his hand for a firm handshake. "My brother works at your Union hall, and he told me about the jobs up here. I've had my ticket with the Teamsters for a few years now, and I've been up here for three weeks as a truck driver. So far I'm doing fine; it's not too bad when you get used to the fact that there's nowhere to go but this work camp and the job site." Frank appeared to be as happy as Hugh was to have run into someone he knew. The two men carried on a pleasant conversation, getting caught up on the changes in their lives since they had last gotten together. Eventually the conversation worked its way around to Hugh's life, and after a short hesitation to gather his thoughts, Hugh explained his new circumstances to Frank. "Well, things went for a crap in my marriage a couple of weeks ago. I got sent home early from a job in Minnesota, just in time to catch my wife with Jerry Black. I moved out and now I'm in the process of getting a divorce. Just goes to show you that it's when you get too comfortable that things can come along to surprise the hell out of you." Hugh's cheerful demeanor had disappeared and he looked up at Frank rather glumly. "I'm sorry to hear that, Hugh. Jerry's been a pussy hound for a long time. It's too bad your wife fell for his line of bullshit," said Frank, a sympathetic look on his face. "I have no idea who was chasing who, Frank. I haven't spoken to the cheating bitch since it happened. I was afraid I would lose it, and that would just make matters even worse." Frank was hesitant to continue, but finally said, "You probably should talk to her. I know what Jerry's like, and he may have had a lot more to do with it than she did. I've seen you and your wife out a few times, and I always got the impression she was pretty devoted to you. She was always hanging on your arm making it obvious that you were her man." "Yeah, you're probably right. I already decided this morning that I would contact my sister by email. She and my wife have been as thick as thieves since high school. My sister can probably fill me in enough to let me decide whether I should take a chance on speaking to my ex. There I go already, calling her my ex when I don't think the papers have even been served yet." Hugh shook his head, and laughed at his Freudian slip. The two friends got onto different subjects and spent the next half hour in animated conversation. Eventually they left the cafeteria and went their separate ways. Hugh wanted to get his computer set up, to see if the Internet connection that was promised really did work. When he finally got the laptop set up and online he was able to access his email, something he hadn't done since before his trip to Minnesota. It took him almost a half hour to delete the spam his account had accumulated, as he didn't want to delete everything en masse in case he missed something important. He was surprised to notice that Donna hadn't thought to send him emails the way she had bombarded his voicemail with her messages. Perhaps she didn't have the computer working, but he expected she had probably simply not thought of it. After a bit of thought, Hugh composed his message to his sister. He sincerely hoped that he wasn't making a mistake, but at least with email he could say exactly what he wanted to say without interruption. He read it over again before sending it on its way. ******** Hi Kathy; I never was able to get through to you on the phone, so I thought I better send you a message to let you know where I am. I'm working at a job on the North Slope of Alaska. I got here a week ago and will be up here for at least another five weeks. I'm assuming that by now you know the whole story from Donna. I never thought that she could do such a thing to us, and it has taken me until now to feel like I could even talk about it comfortably. The distance between us helps a lot though. She probably hasn't received the papers yet, but I have set the wheels in motion to get a divorce. I feel really bad about the effect on Bobby. Have you been able to see how he's been doing? I considered trying to get to see him before I left, but I was afraid that that would just be harder on him than if I just plain disappeared from his life. He doesn't deserve to be caught in the middle of this. You can give this email address to Donna, as I would like to hear what she has to say for herself. Be sure to tell her not to start sending message after message to me like she did on the phone. It she starts that again I'll just cancel this email account, and set up a fresh one somewhere else. Hugh. ******** When he was finished Hugh closed the laptop and leaned back. He was beginning to have second thoughts about having suggested that Donna contact him. He wasn't sure what he would want to hear from his cheating spouse. He closed his eyes for a moment, and the familiar scene from his favorite wedding picture played in his mind again. It wasn't until the next evening after supper that Hugh checked his email again, and sure enough, there were messages from both Kathy and Donna. He decided to read the one from his sister, and would decide whether he should read Donna's message at all after he had read what Kathy had to say. ******** My Dear Brother; Thank you so much for contacting me. I've been worried sick about you. Nobody seemed to know where you had disappeared to, not even the people I spoke with at the union office. Maybe they were just keeping your confidence, but if they knew, I wish they would have told me. I won't even tell you some of the things that ran through my mind. The reason you were unable to reach me at home is that I was either at Donna's or the hospital. That Saturday morning, after you let her know that you knew about her and Jerry, she lost it completely. She called and told me the version I told you about, but she sounded so bad I went over to comfort her. When I got to her place I found her in the bathtub. She was crying hysterically, and I could see two empty pill bottles on the counter. She was trying to pick up a razor blade from the edge of the tub, but she was so out of it she wasn't able to get hold of it. I called for an ambulance, and they took her in to have her stomach pumped. The psychiatrist on call gave her a prescription for some antidepressants, and they discharged her two days later. She seems to be doing OK now, but I check on her at least twice every day. Once she was under control again she explained to me what had happened, and you're right, at first she didn't explain the whole story honestly. She has told me everything now, and I believe she's told me the truth. I'm not going to repeat what she told me back to you, just in case I get something a little wrong. I told her to email you and tell you herself. She's going to CC me when she writes to you, and I will let you know if she doesn't tell you the same things that she told me. It's a good thing you deleted all of those messages from her. I was there when some of them were made, and they were so incoherent and rambling you wouldn't have been able to make any sense of them anyway. She made a lot of them from the hospital before her prescription kicked in. I honestly believe she loves you, and truly regrets everything that happened. I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her, as I think you two belong together. Your loving sister, Kathy. ******** Hugh felt he had enough to think about after having read Kathy's message, so he left Donna's message unread. Instead he reread Kathy's message over and over, before finally shutting off the computer and going to bed. He lay there awake for two hours thinking about Donna and the good times they'd had, before finally drifting off to a restless sleep. The following evening Hugh lingered over his supper, knowing that he would have to decide whether he should read Donna's email when he got back to his room. Finally, after having a third cup of coffee, he made the conscious decision to return to his room and read what Donna had to say for herself. For some reason he could feel his heart pounding as he opened the email. ******** My Dear Hugh; Thank you so much for letting me write you. I realize that I probably have no right to ask anything of you, but I do want you to know how much it means to me that you will finally talk to me, even if it is only by email. I so much want to hear your voice. First, I want to tell you that Bobby seems to be doing well. My mother had him for a few days when Kathy was tied up with helping me. The rest of the time either I have had him at home or he has been with your sister and her family. I have told him that I did something wrong, and that you are angry with me. I think he understands that. He has asked about you often, though, and I know it makes him very sad that you are not here. I feel so badly that I have betrayed your trust in me. It is not something I have done before, and it is something I will never do again, if you give me the chance to prove that. Please know that I really and truly love you. I'm not sure just what to say about what happened with Jerry Black. I don't know how much you want to hear about it. I'll give you a brief explanation of what happened, but if you want me to tell you more, just ask me. I'll do whatever you want. I was with him at his home twice. The second time was the night you caught me over there, and the first time was the previous Friday night. That first Friday he called me just after lunch, and asked me if I would like to come by for some barbecued burgers, since both you and Allison were away. I didn't think it would be a problem, so I agreed. Well, after the burgers we had a few glasses of wine, and it really hit me. We ended up necking and making out on the couch. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think it was going to lead where it did. I ended up staying overnight on his sofa. Somehow he was able to convince me that having oral sex wasn't really having sex. That's all that happened that time. Shutdown Fever The second time, I should have known better when he called and asked me over for a couple of drinks. I refused at first, but he hinted that he would find a way to tell you about our first tryst if I didn't come over. I think I just expected we might fool around like we had the first time, but it didn't work out that way. He gave me a little bit more to drink and it wasn't long before we ended up in bed. There's no easy way to explain it, but this time I spent the night in his bed and we had sex several times. You know the rest. I feel so terrible about it all. I have never done that sort of thing with him or with anyone else any other time. I've had lots of time to think about what I did, and I can't blame you for how you've reacted. If the situation was reversed I realize that I would have done the same thing myself. Please write back to me and tell me how you feel about me. I'm scared to read what you might say, but I'm praying that you might be able to see some way to forgive me. Your loving wife, Donna. ******** Hugh reread the letter slowly while his stomach churned. It got especially bad as he reread the paragraphs describing what she had done with Jerry. Seeing her confirm what he had believed jolted him. He realized that somewhere deep down he had hoped to hear that it was all a mistake on his part. Knowing it wasn't a mistake was forcing him back to tackling his feelings head on. He turned off his computer, and lay down on his bed. The next two hours were spent staring at the ceiling, deep in thought, until finally sleep overtook him. He awoke the next morning on top of the covers and still fully clothed. By the time he returned to his room that night, he knew what he had to do. Without hesitating, he turned on his laptop and began to write. ******** Dear Donna; I'm very happy to hear that Bobby seems to be doing well. I don't know whether you should let him know we are communicating or not. If you don't think it would create a problem, please tell him that I think of him often. I will be here for at least another month. I have the option of renewing my contract in two week extensions after that. I haven't yet decided what I will do when my first term finishes. It will all depend on where we stand I think. The only way I can see for us to get past this would be for you to completely describe everything that was said and done when you were with Jerry. Unless you can do that, I cannot be sure that I could ever get past it. Once I do know all of the sordid details I'll be able to better judge what I can forgive, and whether I could ever forget it. I'm not going to make you any promises. I have to say, though, that any further betrayal would be the end of us for sure. The only possible way I would be able to get by this is if I feel that I can some day regain my trust in you. That's probably more important than whether I can forgive and forget. Take your time in replying to me so that you can be sure that you have told me everything. Please copy your email to Kathy as well. Hugh. ******** Before he sent the message to Donna, he added a CC to Kathy. He felt great relief that it was now done. For the last couple of weeks he had seriously doubted that he would ever communicate in any way, shape, or form with Donna again. If he could get past this first step, perhaps there was some possibility that they could work out their serious differences. With the weight having been taken from his shoulders with the sending of that first email, Hugh decided to go back down to the cafeteria for coffee, and maybe even a piece of pie if it looked appetizing. He was surprised to see that the cafeteria was still quite busy, with over 50 workers scattered across the room. After he picked up his coffee and a piece of apple pie, he headed for the closest table, and sat down across from a couple of workers who were already there. He was almost finished his pie when he happened to look up, and noticed that the worker sitting across from him was actually a woman, a fairly striking woman with short black hair and very dark eyes. At first glance he thought she may have been native, but he realized her skin was very fair. "You look like you're really enjoying that pie," she said. She was watching him with a small, pleasant smile on her face, apparently waiting for him to reply. "Actually I am. I've been here for over a week, and most of the meals that I've eaten were not memorable in the least. This piece of pie is about the best tasting thing I've had yet." Hugh chuckled after having said that, and took a sip of his coffee. "You sort of surprised me, to tell the truth. You're the first woman I've seen on this side of the cafeteria tray line. I can see by your clothing that you work outside somewhere. What trade are you in?" "I'm an electrician. I've been up here off and on now for almost four months. What about you," she inquired? "I've been here only a couple of weeks. I'm a hoisting engineer, or crane operator if you prefer." Her eyes flickered across his face a couple of times before she said, "You look a little more alive today. I've seen you in the cafeteria a few times, and you always looked so haunted. Something must have changed for you." "You're very observant," Hugh said. He took a second look at her, as her statement had surprised him. He hadn't considered that his struggles with his feelings for Donna would have affected his external appearance as much as it had his soul. Hugh looked down at his coffee for several moments before he continued. "I came here to get away from some serious issues with my wife, and just a few minutes ago I sent her an email. It's the first communication I've had with her in almost three weeks. Actually, I've sent her a couple of messages by way of my sister, but this was the first direct message I've sent her." "They must have been serious, if you came up here to get away from them, and took off your ring." His tablemate picked up her coffee and watched him over the edge of the cup as she took a sip. "You're definitely observant, to see that my ring is missing. The mark is a lot less white was when I first took it off. Yeah, things are about as serious as things can get between a husband and wife; serious enough that I already have a lawyer working on a divorce. Actually, that reminds me that I should perhaps tell him to hold off for a few days while she and I do a bit of talking, or rather emailing." Hugh smiled, and said "I guess if we're going to be talking about the state of my marriage I should at least introduce myself. My name is Hugh McLean." He stretched his hand across the table. "I'm pleased to meet you, Hugh McLean. My name is Janice Stetler." She raised her right hand and shook John's hand firmly. Hugh noticed that her handshake was very firm for a woman, and her hand was lightly calloused from work. He glanced at her left hand and noticed that there were no rings on it, nor signs that there had ever been. As she returned her hand to its former position beside her cup of coffee, a large man got up from a table about 10 feet away and approached their table. "Is everything all right, Janice?" He had a questioning look upon his face. "Oh, yes Billy. This is Hugh McLean. He and I were just having a pleasant little chat. Thanks for asking." She had smiled at Billy before making her reply. When she finished speaking, he gave her a small wave and went back to his seat. "What was that about?" Hugh hesitated before he asked. He had a questioning look on his face as the brief exchange had him puzzled. "Oh, Billy is on my crew. They really keep an eye out for me, as there are a few less than respectable guys working on this site. I had a major hassle with one the first week I was here, and ever since, the rest of my crew has watched my back." She was very serious now, and her voice had lowered. "If Billy and one of the other guys hadn't come along when they did, I'd likely have been raped. Now, whenever any of the men here speaks to me, they generally check to see if I'm getting an unwelcome advance." "It's nice to know they are sticking up for you like that. I hadn't considered the problems a woman on this worksite would face. Are you the only one, or are there others that I just haven't noticed?" "There are a few others, I'm not sure how many. We have a separate dormitory section from you guys. A few of them are truck drivers, and there's another electrician, but she's not on my shift or crew." Hugh and Janice continued their conversation for a while, but never did get back to the state of his marriage or what had prompted his newfound interest in life. After about 10 minutes Janice got up to head back to her dorm room. Hugh followed shortly after, as he wanted to get a good sleep. Tomorrow was another long day in a string of long days for him. As he drifted off to sleep he thought to himself that it was nice to have found such a pretty new friend. Perhaps she could give him an unbiased woman's perspective on things. The next day went by fairly quickly for Hugh, and he didn't hear from either Donna or Kathy. He did send an email to his lawyer asking him to hold up on the divorce. That evening he went down a little later than normal for his supper, hoping he would run into Janice again. He had decided to ask her for advice, if she didn't mind giving him some. Hugh found that she was seated at the same table as the previous night, in conversation with her friend Billy. After he picked up his meal he asked if it was all right to join them and both of them insisted that he sit down at their table. When their meals were finished, Billy excused himself, saying he needed to get his laundry done. Janice was quick to tell him that she was fine, and that she would see him on the job tomorrow. "I'm in a bit of a quandary here, Janice. I'm hoping that I can get some female advice on the situation with my wife. The only other person I can ask would be my sister, and she is a very good friend of my wife. Would it be all right to run a few things by you?" Hugh sat quietly while Janice considered her answer. "I'm not really qualified to offer that kind of advice. I've never been in a situation with a partner that sounds like it would be as serious as what you're involved in. I've been married, but it ended suddenly without a divorce. My husband was killed by a hit-and-run driver just over two years ago. However, if you think I can help, go ahead and ask your questions." "I'm sorry to hear your husband died, especially that way. That must have been hard. I didn't realize that you had been married. Maybe we should just forget about the whole thing; it's probably a bad idea on my part." "No, go ahead. I just wanted to warn you that you're not getting any kind of an expert here." Janice laughed and took another sip of her coffee. "OK," Hugh replied quietly. "I'll keep it as short and to the point as I can. A couple of weeks ago I found out my wife had a brief affair with a friend of mine; she was with him twice. It sounds like he used wine, some manipulation, and even a vague threat to help overcome her inhibitions, but I don't think it was anything like a sexual assault; at some point she seems to have been at least partially willing. She's supposed to be sending me a detailed description of what actually happened, but of course it will simply be more of her word on that." Hugh stopped speaking as he took a slow sip from his cup of coffee. He could see that Janice was listening intently to what he had been saying, and so he continued. "She seems really serious when she says it would never happen again. Donna has apparently attempted suicide, and is now on antidepressants. I'm not really sure how I feel about her, but she says she still loves me." He took another sip of coffee, and began speaking again. "For this to work I need to believe her; forgive her; try to forget it happened; and eventually trust her. I just don't know if that's all going to be possible. I guess what I would like from you is an opinion on what my wife has done." Hugh laughed, and said "I won't necessarily agree, and I sure won't blame you if it's wrong. I'm just desperate for a second opinion." "Wow, this is tough. I was hoping I could put myself in her place, but from what you told me this could be difficult to do. I just can't picture myself having been out alone with a friend of my husband's, having drinks, and going along with anything sexual. That wouldn't be me, I'm afraid. That said, it sounds like she's very remorseful." Janice looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought, and it was several moments before she continued. "I'd suggest that you go slow and easy, and see maybe if there some way that you could check up on her story. How about contacting your former friend, the one she was with. If you could check some of her story with him, or verify that she is telling you the truth now; maybe that would assist you in making your decision. Beyond that, I guess it's just how you feel about her. If you can get around the facts of the whole thing, maybe time will take care of the rest of it." Hugh thought about what she said for a few minutes, before replying. "You know, I think you may have helped me. I think I will take it slow and easy. I have no interest in contacting my former friend on this, and I don't know that I'd believe anything he told me anyway. There's no easy way for me to check on what she's telling me right now, but maybe something will come up. Thank you for at least thinking about my problem, and for your advice. I'll think about this until I get my next email from her. Now, maybe, it's time to get off that subject. Why don't you tell me something about yourself?" Janice actually colored a bit when Hugh suggested that she talk about herself. "Well, there's not really much I can say. I'm 30, a widow, as I mentioned, and an electrician. When I'm not on jobs like this I live in Seattle. This is my last tour up here. I'm done in two more days, and I should have enough money saved to get a place of my own. My husband left me under a pile of debt, not on purpose of course, and I finally got out of that a few months ago. On my last break at home I was able to get a job in the maintenance department of the power plant, so once I leave here I won't have to worry about coming back again." She gave him a pleasant smile as she stopped speaking, and had some more of her coffee. "Darn, I didn't realize you would be leaving so quickly. I've enjoyed your company and our little talks, and maybe I would have had a few more questions to ask you." Hugh smiled and then shrugged his shoulders. "I'll have to muddle along on my own I guess. Truthfully, in the end it's going to be my decision to make. Maybe asking for your advice is just a way of delaying the inevitable." The two of them made small talk for a few more minutes before deciding that it was time to call it a night. They agreed to have coffee together the next evening. That night as he drifted off to sleep, Hugh's thoughts alternated between his conversation with Janice and images from his life with Donna and Bobby. After work the following day there were still no messages from Donna or Kathy. He knew he couldn't rush things. It was all up to Donna now. Later in the evening Hugh went down to the cafeteria and spent an enjoyable hour with Janice, most of the time spent discussing fishing, a sport they both enjoyed. They agreed to meet the following evening for a goodbye cup of coffee. When Hugh checked his email the following evening he had the 2 messages he'd been expecting. From the time stamps on the messages he must have just missed them the previous night. He debated for a while on which one to open, and finally decided to leave both of them until later in the evening. He may as well be in a good mood when he joined Janice and her coworkers for a coffee on her last night in the dormitory. After shaving and combing his hair, he headed for the cafeteria. Janice was seated at her usual table, and this time it seemed that her entire crew was there with her, all of them intent on making her last night at the worksite a memorable one. There was a lot of laughing and joke telling taking place. When Hugh walked into the cafeteria, Janice immediately called to him, insisting that he join their group. He grabbed a soft drink, and walked over to their table. "Welcome, Hugh. I'm glad you could join us for our little get together. These guys are the crew I've worked with ever since I came up here." Janice proceeded to introduce them all to Hugh, explaining that he was about the only nice guy she had run into, that wasn't an electrician. That drew an awful lot of laughter at Hugh's expense. He was soon joining in with the rest of them in their jokes, many at Janice's expense. Over the next hour the crew slowly dwindled as men took their leave. Eventually it was just Hugh and Janice left at the table, and he said, "This has been awful lot more fun than reading my wife's latest email. It's the one that is supposed to detail what exactly went on, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm not really looking forward to reading it. I just hope that when I'm finished it I won't decide to fly back and strangle them both." He laughed, but it was a nervous laugh, as his last statement was pretty close to what he was really thinking. "Well, Hugh McLean, I don't think you're the type of person to take the law into your own hands. I'm sure they're safe enough, although obviously you will have to decide on the state of your marriage. I hope it works out well for you, and that whatever happens, it's something that leaves you happy in the end. You seem like the kind of guy who deserves a happy ending." She gave him a smile and then took his hand for a final handshake. She was standing, intent on getting back to her room to begin the task of packing for her morning flight back to civilization. Hugh was at a loss for words, but finally said, "I'm really pleased to have made your acquaintance, Janice. It's been nice to have a friendly face to look forward to seeing. I've really enjoyed our talks, and maybe someday I'll come out to your part of the country to see if the fishing is really as good as you say." He took her hand in both of his as he shook it for the last time. As she walked away, he couldn't help but feel a familiar sense of loneliness once again. He sat at the table for another 15 minutes before he too went back to his room. Sitting back at his computer, Hugh decided to read his sisters' email first, expecting it would be the shorter of the two. He opened Kathy's message, and read it slowly. ******** Dearest Hugh; I have read Donna's email, and only have a couple of things to add to it. The first is that the first time she told me what had happened, she indicated that Jerry had given her more wine than she mentions now. The other thing I recall her saying before was that the second time she was at his home, he had to take her arm to help her up the stairs to the second floor, as she'd had too much to drink to be able to walk up the steps on her own. I have seriously considered that he may have done something to her drinks, something that made them more potent than normal. I phoned and asked her why she had downplayed these things, and she told me that she didn't want to make it look like she was blaming Jerry for everything. She wants to accept her share of the responsibility for what happened. No matter what you think of her based on what happened, I want you to know that I believe her when she says that she loves you, and that she would never do anything like this to hurt you again. Your loving sister, Kathy. ******** Hugh sat quietly for a few moments, considering what his sister had said in her message. He too had been wondering about whether Jerry had spiked Donna's drinks. It wasn't beyond the realm of possibility, and would certainly speak in her favor. In any event, he would have to read her message before he would be able to make up his mind on that account. Now that he had no further excuse he could use to keep him from opening Donna's email, he clicked on it. After a few moments it opened, filling his screen. He sat there staring at it, afraid to begin reading the words he knew were going to be terribly upsetting to him.