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Out of Love Ch. 01

By: jezzaz



So this is my story of love won, lost, won and lost and won and lost and.... Well, you get the idea. It's a story of manipulation, thoughtlessness and anger, and about how the ends never justify the means. It's meandering and a lot happens, so hold tight.

We were on a weekend away, with two other couples, out in the woods in Montana. Two weeks before, another couple friend of ours, Mark and Wendy, had suggested a weekend away, "Out in the wilds", and drunkenly -- as we always seemed to be around them -- we'd agreed. We were at a BBQ at Mark and Wendy's place, on a Sunday, where Mark was demonstrating his new method of searing steaks, but throwing Southern Comfort on to the hot grill. The resulting flame cloud was most impressive and I'm surprised he didn't burn his eyebrows off.

Two days later the other part of our very close social group, Jim and Kathy, had joined the plans, cooing with enthusiasm, and within days a cabin out in the woods had been rented for a long weekend and everyone was busy trying to decide what to take with us.

Chloe kept asking me things like "Do you think I should take my hair curlers? Do you think they'll have electricity? What about a refrigerator?" and while I'd sit there, staring off into the distance and reflect for a second on exactly how much of a city girl I'd married, she'd look at me impatiently, then run off to the phone to call Wendy or Kathy for advice.

Before we get too deep in this, I should give some background here. I'm Jason -- Jace as everyone calls me, or "J" to those closest to me. You can tell how I know someone by what they call me. If it's "J", then they are part of the inner circle of people I've known for years.

My wife is Chole -- we've been married about 9 years -- very happily. Chloe is 39 and I'm 42. We met in a bar, years ago, and the attraction was immediate. We were married in a small ceremony with a few friends and family, preferring to do it just because we wanted to, not for everyone else. Our life has been very much along those lines since -- we live for each other, share as much with each other as we can.

Chole is a nurse and her dinner conversation can be pretty revolting at times, something that she LOVES. I can tell from the gleam in her eye when dinner is served as to what disgusting operation or medical condition she encountered that day I'm going to hear about. As a job, I'm a software engineer, working for myself and while working on some big projects, never quite hitting that payday I'd like. Guess I'm a better engineer than I am negotiator. But we muddle along together and do ok. We have common interests, we both love movies, we run together, and so on.

Chloe looks good for her age -- she's 5"4', about 115 pounds, small breasted and very svelte -, something that annoys the crap out of her friends, since the ONLY thing she does to keep her figure is running -- she eats and drinks what she wants and never seems to put on a pound. Her older sisters, who are all substantial women, never stop talking about it. They are convinced she's either bulimic, has had lap band surgery or is sacrificing chickens to Beelzebub. She just smiles devilishly and laughs when confronted by the frustration of her peers and family.

I'm a larger individual -- 6ft, 210, part muscle and part pizza and beer. I'm not fat, but I'm also not a gym rat either. I'm... solid, and that's about the best description. I shave my head because the hair is thinning and it's just easier than all the farting around some men have with their hair. Other than that, I'm clean shaven and I do at least try and keep up the personal grooming, although I do draw the line a pedicures. There's just something not quite right about sitting there while some little Korean lady uses implements on the tips of your fingers. I'm sure it works for other guys but, just not for me.

We have no kids -- We've tried several times and spent a fair bit of money on IVF but after the last round, we gave up. Both the cost and the emotional turmoil we went through was, ultimately, not worth it. We both made our peace with the result and resolved to make the most of not having kids. Do things like take off to the woods at a moment's notice, simply because we can.

So here we were, at this little lodge that was deep in the forest that Wendy had found. We arrived late on Friday and had much laughter and silliness carting everything from each other's cars into the lodge. Wendy and Mark had gotten there first and grabbed the master bedroom. We were next and grabbed the first guest room. Jim and Kathy had arrived last and spent all evening mock complaining about how we'd grabbed all the best rooms, and how they'd be staging a midnight raid aimed at turfing us out of our rooms and taking them for themselves.

I couldn't help noticing the extensive bar that Jim had brought with him. Jim is a self-made millionaire, although very quiet about it -- he likes the finer things in life and isn't afraid to spend money on those things he cares about. The rest though, well, I don't know many millionaires driving a 10 year old Ford Explorer. Looking through the bottles there were 3 different types of Tequila -- which would make Chloe happy, since that's her tipple of choice -- several bourbons and whiskeys, a few vodkas and a bunch of mixers. I stood there, looking through the bottles and feeling glad I'd brought a couple of cases of beer with me, since I'm not much of a liquor drinker. I prefer beer. It takes longer and the buzz last longer.

Chloe hates me trying to help install us in a hotel room or anywhere -- she has her particular way of putting things, so while everyone else was dashing around, I was left to wander around the house we'd rented and watch everyone else act like chickens with their heads cut off. Sipping a beer, I watched Mark carry a bag of what looked like party hats up the stairs. Mark is an area manager for the local cable affiliate. He was a man who hated his job, but was perfectly happy with that, since the job was "Good Enough" -- his life was outside the job. He never took it home and was happy living his life in the 8 hours he was not at the office.

He was 43, a year older than me, and to be brutally honest, both better looking and a slightly better physical specimen. That didn't stop me handing him his ass at racquet ball most weeks -- he says I "just want it more", but still, he had chiseled looks, piercing blue eyes, mostly clean shaven, but this weekend he had 3 day stubble, and almost politician perfect hair. At 5'10" and 190 pounds, he looked the part.

Mark really wanted to be a psychologist, but didn't want to spend "several years and a hundred thousand dollars indulging my own desires" as he put it. So he spends his time psycho analyzing the rest of us. And we spend the time laughing at his armchair analysis, even if occasionally he does get uncomfortably close.

His wife, Wendy, came out of the bedroom and saw me looking and favored me with a dazzling smile. She was the school prom queen. The head cheerleader, the one who everyone lusted after. Unlike most girls in that situation, she was actually whip smart. Blond curls down past her shoulder, almost beautifully made up, wonderful smile, terrific sense of humor and about as right wing as it's possible to be and not be Gengis Khan. But we overlooked that because she was very fun to be around and very careful to not use her obvious beauty to get ahead, although as we frequently pointed out, it's not like she has to do anything for that to happen. I've personally seen he get out of two speeding tickets, just by smiling at the officer. I remember spending a day grumbling about that afterwards, since my smile just gets me deeper in trouble when I try and use it. She works out religiously, and her 5'7" frame looks great -- she looks as good as she did in high school. Long bronzed legs trim figure and gravity defying 34C boobs. We all knew what they were because Mark told us. Repeatedly. Not that we wouldn't have worked it out ourselves. Wendy never walked anywhere without at least 3 pairs of eyes helping her on her way. Yet she was devoutly loyal to Mark and they were as much in love as Chloe and Me, or Jim and Kathy.

Ah yes, Jim and Kathy. In they came, lumping a large chest between them, Kathy giving Jim good natured four letter stares.

"What is in this thing honey? Weights?" she said, huffing.

"Don't worry. You'll be glad of it later" he replied.

Kathy put her end down, cracked her back, looked over and me and the eyes narrowed.

"What the hell are you doing you lazy dick? Get over here and help a girl out."

I smiled, put down the beer and went over and grasped the other end of the chest, hefting it easily. It wasn't heavy, she'd just been putting me on.

"Yes Mam," I said, tipping an imaginary cap with my other hand. "Where would madam like the chest?" I asked.

"The bedroom will do, doorman. And be quick about it!" she said, flouncing off back the car, all in a good natured and exaggerated fashion. "And don't you be admiring the caboose," she shouted over her shoulder, knowing I was watching her retreat. "That is not for the likes of you, I'll have you know. I'll tell my husband, so I will."

I looked at Jim and he looked back at me and shrugged. "Can't live with them, can't kill them." He said, as we lumbered up the stairs.

I looked back and Jim and wondered, yet again, at our friendship. I had known both Jim and Mark from college days. We'd all been at high school together, but they had run in very different circles from me, me being the nerd and Jim being the compact Jock and Mark being the Hard Worker -- he'd had a job all through high school while the rest of us were out getting laid and drinking beer, or in my case, in front of a keyboard and monitor. We were friends, and we'd seen some times together. We were radically different people and wanted different things out of life, but we all had common ground and genuinely liked each other and our company.

What was weird was how like the 3 musketeers we were. Mark would come up with the plans, Jim would finance them and I would act as the brains and the social conscience. When Jim wanted to hire some mercenaries to confront that Midwest church who protested servicemen's funerals, and they were going to show up to a funeral of a local guy, it was I who talked him out of it, and Mark then came up with paying some of the local bikers to do it instead. As it turned out, once we talked to them, the bikers wouldn't hear of taking money to do it. But then Jim had a large container of bike parts delivered to them anyway. He was good like that.

Jim was compact -- he hadn't grown past 5'5" but he was well muscled. He was blond, with curly hair, and looked nothing more like a dude surfer, even though he habitually worse a suit during the week. He had made a few million starting up, of all things, a window cleaning business. I'd helped him out on the computer side and after a few years, he'd swallowed all the local competition. Eventually he sold the whole kit and caboodle to an office cleaning company and never had to work again. He did -- he maintained an office and as far as I could tell, he was some kind of small scale local VC -- I was never really clear on it. I just knew he'd helped a number of small businesses locally, since every now and then I'd get a coffee and the servers, knowing I knew him, would gush his praises.

Either way, though he'd lucked out in business, he'd scored big with his wife, Kathy. She was dynamite. She was actually someone I dated in high school, but it had been clear from the second day that I wasn't going to be enough for her. She had aims, ambitions and had a certain degree of social climber built into her, coming as she did from working class-with-aspirations. We'd dated a few times and then she'd made it clear that unless I was going to get out from behind the keyboard and get out into the world, we had no future. I didn't have the heart to do the Bill Gates vs Michael Jordan comparison for her - that wouldn't have ended well -- and while she was nice, I just let it go.

In fact, it had been I who re-introduced her to Jim 10 years ago, and they'd married within 2 years and were going strong since.

Kathy was another one who worked hard for what she had -- nice and trim, petite, like my Chloe, - but more toned and bronzed. She used a sun bed regularly. Very tight and with very small breasts -- most of the time she simply didn't bother with a bra and while she was small, she wasn't _that_ small. More than once we'd seen them slip through the side of a tank top and someone had to cough and point it out, while she went bright pink. Dark curly hair cascaded down her back, and no one had the courage to ask if she dyed it.

Jim and Kathy had two kids, both barely toddlers, and had a stay at home nanny, something Wendy completely approved of and, secretly, Chloe and I were aghast at. But it was their choice and their money and frankly, we were probably a bit jealous too.

Either way, here were. At this nicely-appointed-but-in-the-middle-of-nowhere lodge, for a long weekend. Jim had brought fishing gear and Mark his bow and me? I'd brought a laptop. With extra batteries. I wasn't stupid. Screw the outside world -- that's for the birds. Literally.

I knew they'd all want to watch movies on it anyway, once they got bored of the great outdoors.

Once we were settled, it was planning time in the kitchen.

"Right!" said Jim, raising his voice over the hubbub of various conversations we were all having, the boss till the last. "The long weekend starts NOW. And, with the admonishment 'Start as you mean to go on', we start with a shot of Tequila! Here, grab one." He gestured to several pre-poured shots.

Everyone grabbed one, except me. I looked at my watch. It was 11:15am.

"Little early, don't you think?" I said, good naturedly. Jim lowered his glass and looked at me. "You driving, are you?" he asked, exasperatedly.

"No, of course.. fine, fine." I said, and grabbed one. Chloe grabbed my arm, pushed herself against me and said "Go on. Let's have a weekend off and relax. Let's get blotto." She knew it made me laugh when she used British expressions, knowing as she did my family's British heritage.

Mark said, in a low voice, "I think someone needs to remember some of our college evenings. Get back into that spirit."

Without turning, I said "Yes and other people need to remember who could hold their liquor!"

That, right there, was yet another small mistake I had made, cumulating in the disaster later. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It was true that during the college years, I had found myself with an absurd capacity for alcohol. However, something had happened about 4 years ago, a body change of some kind, which basically just meant I couldn't take very much anymore. Too much just put me to sleep, now, unlike when I was a kid. Not that I minded that much -- I'd done my getting-wasted phase at college, enjoyed it and moved on. Sometimes I was a little embarrassed to be around people who were in their 40's and needed to go back to those times. But still, a little bit of liquid relaxation wouldn't kill me, right?

We did the shot. Cheered. Then did another one. And another one. We on the fast track for getting blasted at midday on a Saturday.

Thankfully, sense restored it and we all settled down.

"What's the plan then?" asked Kathy "What are we doing?"

Jim replied "Well, I was planning on a little fishing. There's a creek about a mile from here that's supposed to be pretty good for fly fishing."

Wendy rolled her eyes "Well, know someone who is going to be bored out of her mind. Kathy, if you want to stay with us and hang out here, where it doesn't smell, feel free."

Kathy looked hard at Jim and said "Yes, I think I might need to. For my sanity."

Jim looked away and said "Yeah yeah yeah."

Mark looked at me "What about you J?"

"Umm, actually, I was planning on just sitting outside and writing some more." It was no secret that I was writing a novel and trying to get it done. I had figured that coming here and sitting outside with no distractions would be just the thing.  

Chloe stuck her finger in her mouth to the others, mimicking being sick and then turned to me with a bright smile "Oh that sounds fantastic dear! Can we all sit around your feet and bask in your glory?" Sometimes Chloe's sarcasm can be a bit in your face.

"Well, I'm sure you can. Although I rather suspect you'd prefer everyone to do that for you, YES??" I said, raising the ante.

It was all done in humor -- none of us really cared what the others did -- we were all secure enough that the banter wasn't forced and was genuine.

Chloe scrunched up her face at me and turned to Wendy. "So, did you bring that new shawl? I want to see."

"Oh the one from Giddions?" said Kathy.

"Yes, come see..." said Wendy, as the girls drifted to the bedrooms.

I looked at Jim and Mark. "Sod the tequila, time for a beer."

Mark grinned. "Sure."

As he got one out from the fridge and tossed it to me, I asked "What are you going to do?"

"Oh, I'm going to see which one of our women I can get the panties off" he replied, off the cuff. Mark often did that, throwing out inflammatory statements, just to see who was paying attention and to get a rise out of them. He claimed it was out of a psychologist's curiosity, but I think he's just thinking with his dick sometimes.

"Good luck with that" murmured Jim, as he went to get his fishing gear.

"Yeah," I said to Mark, for Jim's benefit, "Let me know what color Kathy's are."

Jim exited the room giving me the finger.

----------------------------------------

I spent the afternoon doing exactly what I had suggested, until the battery ran out on my laptop, sitting outside on a chair I had dragged out from the kitchen. I got almost 3000 words written, which I considered to be a good haul. The plot and characters of my novel was never going to win me an award, but I was doing it more to see if I could write a book rather than imagining I had the next great American Novel inside me.

When the battery died, I wandered back inside and decided that enough was enough. I had two other full charged batteries with me and that would be fine for the next day. As I went inside I could hear hubbub and chatter and came in to find the girls in the kitchen, nattering and eating crackers and, of course, drinking wine. They'd obviously been at it a while since they were animated and being silly. I also noticed they'd all changed into different clothes -- each was wearing a little sun dress and it was obvious none was wearing a bra either. Quite a view, it has to be said.

Jim still wasn't back yet, but Mark was at the kitchen table, going through some documentation or other.

"Here he is, girls! My own Mark Twain!" laughed Chloe, as I entered the kitchen.

"Yeah yeah" I said, going in for a kiss. Chloe put down her glass and grabbed my face in both hands and gave me a smacker, with the other girls going "ooohhhhh" in that silly way that teenagers do.

Mark looked up over his glasses he used for paperwork and said "Get a room, you too". I looked back at him and said "I don't mind if I do. I'll have yours."

I let go of Chloe and said "So, what's on the agenda for this evening?"

Wendy chuckled, "Oh, I think you'll find this fun..."

Kathy jumped in with "Did you bring your projector for your laptop?"

Chloe answered before I could "Of course he did. My little nerd always travels ready for a presentation, don't you sweetheart?"

"Yes, I have it" I said, ignoring Chloe. "Why?"

"We were thinking of having a BBQ outside, a fire pit and maybe watching a movie. We figured you'd brought the projector, and the only place we can find that is big enough to take the projection is one of the walls outside. Wadayya think?"


Out of Love Ch. 01



I nodded, 'that sounds... kinda cool actually. Only one problem. I didn't bring any movies?"

Mark stood up "I got that covered old friend." He reached down into his backpack at his feet about pulled out about 4 DVD's. All were porn.

"Are you serious?" I laughed, "Jurassic Poke? The whores of Madison County? Really? Who names these things?"

Mark waggled his eyebrows at me. "Wendy chose them."

I looked over at Wendy -- she was just taking a drink and choked on it as he said that.

"I most certainly did not." She said, indignantly. "I would never have chosen Wives First Lesbo if I were choosing. We need more porn made for women, don't we girls?"

I laughed. "I guess I can get behind that."

"So Mark," I asked innocently, "What color were they?"

He stood up, took off his glasses, smiled at me and said "I don't know. She wasn't wearing any."

Kathy went bright red and threw some chips at him, indicating that she knew full well what I was asking.

I laughed, and changing the subject, I asked, "So, what's for dinner?"

--------------------------------------------

3 hours later the sun was done setting, we'd eaten well on the grill -- Mark cooks a mean steak and we'd even had some fish from Jim. He'd come back with 3 trout -- small ones to be sure, but still, caught by his own hand. He'd had a lot of fun gutting them and having the women go "ewww" and "grosssss" at him. He'd been made to go shower again once he was done, while I was assigned to go bury the remains due to their smell.

We'd dragged the couch, a chair and a couple of beanbags outside, set up the rusting fire pit and got a fire going. Then we'd all moved the chairs back a bit since we'd completely underestimated how hot a fire pit can be. As the sun went down, we sat in the chair, drinking, talking, being silly, talking about dreams for the future and other things.

Once the sun had set, we just had the light from the fire to light us, and it was quite romantic, even if I do say so myself. However, at one point Jim, sitting in the couch with Kathy on is lap, put his drink down and said "And now, movie time. Anyone bring popcorn?"

I looked over at him and said "You sure about this? I mean really, Porn? There's really no story..."

"Oh come on," said Mark, "it's a giggle. We can critique the dialog and the girls can critique the fashion."

"Yeah, Mr. Boring, get with the program." Said Wendy.

"Is he like this all the time?" Asked Kathy to Chloe, who was crammed into the armchair with me. "You really need to get out more, girl. I could introduce you to some really nice men", she said, with emphasis and wiggling her eyebrows as she did it.

Chloe laughed her clear-as-a-glass laugh and said "No, he's totally adventurous at home. You should see in him in my Panties."

I cleared my throat and played along. "To be clear, I was out of fresh underwear and frankly, the lace suited me. Right, ok, let me get the laptop."

I got up abruptly, upending Chloe - who grumbled but managed to save her drink - and went inside. I came back out with the equipment, and spent a few moments setting up. As it turned out, it was just the right distance from the wall and the projection was clear and bright.

"Right, who has this evenings viewing material?" I asked, and a DVD came through the air and hit the back of my head. "My thanks to the Olympian for the discus throw." I replied.

I popped the disc into the laptop, turned up the volume and went to sit down. The movie began and because it was a laptop and no remote control, we were forced to watch it straight through, no skipping or jumping around.

The movie turned out to be about a swingers group, who were avid church goers and then, after church, held their own Sunday school. A bible section would be read out and then the small congregation would work out what sexual activity it related to, and then reenact it. There was plenty of absurdity as well as full on penetration.

But what was weird was the effect it had on us, as a group. To start with, there was lots of cat calling and yelling out of comments and laughing, but as the movie went on, they started to get less and less and there was more just...silence. Or at least I thought it was silence.

Chloe was sitting next to me, jammed in the seat and I felt her hands on my thighs, then moving up to grasp my dick. Now, I have to admit it, the booze and the porn and the setting, it was getting to me. I don't mind admitting I was pretty well turned on and the merest touch of her hand made my dick jump, my erection straining.

She leaned over and whispered to me "We should get that some air..."

I recoiled slightly and said "What if the others see?"

She looked at me, smiled and said "What are you, my mother? Besides, there's a reason the girls are quiet. They've got their mouths full." And she nodded over at the others.

It was hard to make out because the fire blotted out my vision, but after staring, I could see that Wendy had her head down in Marks lap on the couch and Kathy was leaning back on her beanbag, while Jim's hands were moving around her lap area. If I looked carefully, I was pretty sure her dress was all rucked up too, but it was hard to see.

"Jesus" I breathed. This was new territory for us as a group. I looked at Chloe and she smiled and said "See? We are behind. We need to catch up..."

And with that, she unzipped my jeans -- with one hand too,- then opened my belt, jammed my jeans down as far as they would go and popped my cock out for all the world to see.

Now I'm ok in that department. I'm an 8 incher, and I give thanks for it often. It's not hugely thick, but it's long and it's thick enough. But I'm also uncircumcised, which has both been a blessing and a curse in the past. A blessing because once it comes out that I am uncircumcised, girls often want to see, and well, you can tell where that leads. But it's a curse in that if I am wearing a condom and my cock gets the least bit soft, the foreskin unrolls and the condom unrolls. Three times in my life I've had to fish around inside a woman after having sex with her after we discovered that the condom had unrolled because I'd gotten momentarily soft.

Chloe game me a sexy smile, slid of the chair and onto the ground and just went to town. No subtlety, just an honest to god unabashed blow job. And she was enthusiastic -- very much so.

Now I don't normally cum from a blow job -- I require penetration for that, but in this situation, with friends close at hand, all doing the same thing, out in the air, and porn playing on the wall, well, I was primed. And I knew it. And I didn't want to blow it right there and then.

After about 10 minutes, the movie basically ran out, and the projector was just firing black on the wall. Now there was no sound, I could hear the crackle of the fire as it slowly died down and the gasping breaths and very quiet moans of the others sitting around the firepit.

I reach down to Chloe, who was intent on what she was doing, and gently raised her head so she was looking up and drew her up, away from my cock. I got her standing and whispered "We need to go inside. Hell, *I* need to go inside, if you know what I mean.."

She nodded and whispered back "My god, I am so wet right now. Please, I need to be fucked."

She took my hand and we quietly, so as to not disturb anyone else, moved back into the house.

Literally on getting inside the door I grabbed Chloe and pushed her against the wall, pushing my mouth on hers and kissing her as hard as I could. She was just as into it as I was, and ground herself against me as I kissed her.

She took one of my hands, pulled up her dress and just pushed my hand on her pussy. She's always trimmed, which is nice, but I realized the small panties she was wearing were soaked. I pushed my fingers down the front of the panties, and my fingers just slid into her without any prompting at all -- with all the wetness there was just no other place for them to be.

Chloe moaned as I did it, and bit my neck softly.

"Do me, stud, I need your cock so badly" she said. This was unusual. Chloe normally thought that the dirty talk was just stupid and people trying too hard, but the booze and the porn had obviously brought something out in her we'd not seen previously. I was in no hurry to talk it through though.

I literally swept her up in my arms and carried her upstairs to the bedroom, which is easier said than done. Carrying someone up stairs, which are barely wide for one person, let alone someone carrying someone else is an exercise in avoiding smashing heads or legs against walls, particularly when part blasted. I did it, although there was a couple of bumps and laughing.

We got into our room -- and I claim credit for not smashing her head on the door knob -- and I dumped her on the bed. She responded by literally, just ripping her panties off, pulling up the sun dress and saying "Just FUCK ME NOW."

I needed no further exhortation. I was on her like a pile driver. We fucked for a good twenty minutes just in missionary, before she wanted to move. Usually we go through 2 positions, maybe 3. Here we went through about 8 -- I was screwing her from behind while she was bent over the chest of draws, she sat on me, both cowgirl and reverse cow girl, we did doggie -- she loved me pulling her hair -- and when we did reverse cowgirl, she insisted on moving the long mirror around the bed so she could watch my cock disappearing up her wet pussy.

Eventually though, I succumbed. I did my best to hold off my cum, but it was just too sexy not to. Having your wife hiss at you "I want your cum in me. Fill my pussy." While you pound at her and watch her face pinch is just too much.

Now the interesting thing with Chloe is that she doesn't often cum. We don't know why, she just doesn't do it much. She LOVES sex, but for her it's more about what she can do for the people she is with. I do my best to reciprocate but she's more in it for me. This does get to me sometimes, but we've basically tried everything we can think of and she's been classified as "Orgasmically deficient" which is an expensive way of saying "We don't know why you don't cum, but it appears to be that way."

But she does cum on occasion -- we've never worked out exactly what the commonality of those occasions is, but it's been fun trying. In 9 years of marriage, I've seen her cum face about 5 times. And I was about to make it 6.

Just before I was about to blow, she said "OMG... I'm cumming... don't stop, keep going..." We were laying on the bed, sideways -- me behind her, and her with a leg raised. I was pounding her from behind, slipping in and out of her extremely wet cunt, and also fingering her with my arm reaching around her upraised leg. Whatever it was, it was doing it for her and she looked back at me while she did the whole body muscle clench thing.

It was just too damn sexy and I couldn't hold back any more. I came a few seconds later -- a first for us.

We both suddenly relaxed and fell back, my cock falling from her even wetter hole. We both just drew in breath and lay there for a minute or two.

"You ok?" I eventually croaked, realizing how parched I was. "Oh yeah" Chloe said, in equal parts dreamily and thirsty.

"Want some water?" I said, intending to get some. "Yes, but... not right this second. I just want to be here with you." She said, snuggling her back up to me.

I took the hint and reached my arms around her, bringing her tight to me. It was a moment made of bliss. I truly wish I had never said what I said next though.

"Well, that doesn't happen very often," I said "Obviously we should fuck with friends present more often." I said, jokingly.

Chloe just said "hmmm" and snuggled into me harder.

We sat there for about 2 or 3 minutes, at which point I just had to use the bathroom. I explained to Chloe, got up and went to relieve myself, picking up two glasses of water while I was there. On the way back, I could hear the Noises Of Sex from the other rooms. Obviously Jim and Kathy and Mark and Wendy were still on the job!

I eased the door open to our room, took the glass of water over to Chloe, who was now sitting up, gloriously naked, having taken off her sun dress.

"Can you hear that?" I said. Chloe looked at me questioningly and I motioned with my head to the walls. She listened intently and suddenly her eyes went wide as she realized what she was listening to.

"Yeah" I said "They are little behind us, but that's as usual" I laughed.

We sat there, sipping our water for a few minutes.

I just looked at my wife and drank her in. She was just getting better as she got older and I just knew we'd be together forever. Amazing how good sex can make you think things like that.

She noticed me staring and pushed out a foot to explore my crotch a bit. Her touch sent my dick off again and it stirred and she sat up, smiling inquisitively at me. "Is my little soldier ready for round 2?" she asked, mischievously.

"Who are you calling 'Little'"? I said, putting down my water and pushing myself on top of her.

"Be gentle this time," Chloe said, "or I'm going to be sore in the morning."

"Your wish is my command, lady" I said, kissing her feet.

We made love slowly the second time, looking at each other the whole time. She didn't cum the second time, but I think she felt it was even more intimate because of the slowness and tenderness. I know I did. I would have taken even more time if I had known it was to be the last time.

Eventually though, I had a small cum, and by then we were just so beat that we both just fell asleep, still entangled and still holding hands.

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I came to from someone knocking on the door. There was background noise and I couldn't place it, as I struggled to wakefulness.

"J, you there, we need you out here man"

It was Jim, knocking insistently. Chloe stirred next to me and sat up blearily. "What's going on?" she asked, pulling her hair off her face.

"I dunno" I said, getting out of bed and finding some shorts to put on "Let me see".

I went to the door, checking first that Chloe was covered by blankets, and opened it. Jim was standing on the landing in his robe.

"Hear that?" he said, and now he said it, I could place the background noise. It was wind. And rain.

"We got a major storm hitting. No wonder it was so perfect today and warm tonight. A high pressure front was on its way in. Anyway, can't stand here chatting. We need to get out and drag in those chairs so they don't get soaked. Mark is already out and got your laptop and projector -- looks like they didn't get very wet."

I made a mental note to ask what "very wet" meant later -- Jim was great but he's a technical ignoramus who can crash a TV remote control.

Chloe joined me at the door, wrapping herself in a small cardigan. "We need to get those chairs in."

"We do" agreed Jim, and I did notice the double take of Chloe's apparel, or lack of it. He then went off down stairs and we followed. As we passed the kitchen table, I saw my laptop on it and did a very quick visual check. There was some wetness on the top but otherwise it was fine. I was relieved. That laptop was my life. This was a wakeup call to ensure it was backed up more often.

I hurried outside and found everyone else carrying stuff in. The rain had started to hit and everyone was wet. Kathy and Wendy were dragging in the chair Chloe and I had sat in, and it appeared both were no more dressed for the occasion than Chloe was. Jim and I took the large sofa and Chloe grabbed the bean bag. Mark was over at the grill, grabbing the cooking materials and lashing down the cover for it.

We all got inside relatively quickly, but not before us all getting soaked. Once inside, we collapsed on the furniture and just looked at each other. The girls were soaked and since wearing bed attire, were basically naked through it, and the guys were just soaked and bedraggled looking. I, alone, got away with it since I had no hair and I was wearing shorts, although after seeing where Wendy was focusing, it began to dawn on me that white shorts and rain was probably not a smart move. They were, basically, transparent. Wendy nudged Kathy and nodded at my crotch and both of them just ogled for a minute.

I shifted a bit uncomfortably and tried to make light of the whole situation.

"In honor of the moment, I propose we all now have new Indian names bestowed upon us. I declare you Wendy, to be henceforth known as Cheerleader Hobo."

Wendy laughed, and then we all did and thankfully the moment was broken. "In that case, Chloe, please take this the right way, but in that outfit, you are Bedraggled Slut."

Chloe broke into a spasm of laughing and coughing. "Right then, Kathy, you are Wet Curly Rat" she said, in reference to her hair. Kathy looked over at Mark and said, quietly and in a low voice, "Oh you have no idea..."

We all just stopped for a second, thinking about how to react to that.

Thankfully the boys names evoked no more 'moments' and after a few minutes, we all went back up to bed. I know I was beat and I was sure Chloe was, and from all the evidence, it had been a heavy night of booze and sex for everyone.

We were all sound asleep in minutes after hitting our beds again, despite the noise of the wind outside. Or maybe we weren't. I have no idea about anyone else. I was out like a light.

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Next morning I awoke with a yawn and the smell of coffee wafting through the open door through which my wife must have gone. I stretched, got out of bed, made myself decent in sweats and a T-shirt -- no more wet see through pants right now, thank you, and went in search of her.

I found everyone sitting downstairs, cups of coffee in hand. They'd made it on the gas stove, which was a godsend.

As I arrived, Mark came in through the door.

"Morning Champ. Had your java yet?" he asked. I rubbed my head "No, not yet. Just getting some, hint hint" I said, at the girls at the table.

"You get it yourself," said Wendy, "Your wife needs to sit down right now, after last night" she continued with a smile.

"What have you been telling them????" I said to Chloe, as I helped myself to the coffee pot.

Chloe smiled demurely at me. "I think the noise said it all, J" she replied, sipping her coffee.

"Ah yes, the noise. I can't help it. I'm just That Much Of A Man" said, lightly, as I took my first sip of life rejuvenating liquid.

"Yeah, he was trapping my hair under his hands, ladies. That's what you heard. Me telling him to get off me. Clumsy oaf. You don't believe a word of it." Said Chloe, smiling the whole time.

Wendy and Kathy exchanged a look and this time, Chloe saw it. "What?" she said.

"Yeah, we saw last night, why you were making a lot of noise Chloe."

Chloe went pink and Jim suddenly piped up "Oh, that big cock thing? Yeah, we know. He kept flopping it around at college -- any opportunity to do cock puppetry. We figure it's what god had to give J because he didn't give him money or anything else. A big cock is not all that is everything. Although I don't really know because MINE IS TRULY HUGE." He ended on.

Kathy laughed again and said "Yeah, no argument there, babe."

The entire conversation was out of my depth -- my wife was sitting at a table of my closest friends, discussing my cock size -- and I wanted out.

Mark then chimed in "Ok, so joking aside, we do have a problem. The storm last night -- I went out to survey for damage -- we did sign a released form and any damage is on us you know. The building looks ok, no shingles came down, but some trees are definitely uprooted. Now, normally I wouldn't care, but one is dragged over the road out of here. We are going to have to do something about it."




Out of Love Ch. 01



We all digested that as we sipped coffee. Then Wendy said "With what? What tools do we have? How can we deal with a tree? Isn't there someone we can call?"

Mark gestured slightly impatiently, "Can you get service out here? I can't and Jim can't either. We do have some tools -- I found them in the shed on the back of the property. But... it's a hand saw and an axe. Whoever deals with this is doing it the old fashioned way."

Again, we were silent for a moment or two.

"So, I think we should draw lots."

Another silence.

"Fine" I said. "I know exactly how this will go, as I know my luck, but ok, let's do it. It has to get done."

Mark ripped some strips from his papers, made one smaller, juggled the three of them around his back and offered it to me. And, as god is my witness, I ended my marriage by picking the shortest one.

"Fuck" I said softly, but not in a surprised way. My life is always like this. A shitty job to be done? Guess who'll end up doing it.

I shrugged. "Right. Ok, well might as well go survey the damage and get an idea of what I have to get done." I got up, went upstairs to get changed into shorts and a T-shirt, and Chloe came up behind me while I was changing.

"Don't be gone long" said, breathlessly, as she ran her hands over my chest. "I'll bring you lunch."

I turned around, kissed her hard, tousled her hair and said "Your big manly lumberjack will be back before you know it."

She stepped back and laughed, "Just don't be wearing women's clothing and picking up men in bars, ok?"

I laughed too, pulled on the T-shirt and went downstairs.

Mark directed me to where the tools were and off I went.

The tree across the roadway in was about a quarter of a mile from the house -- just enough that going back was too much of a hassle to actually do. I looked around and selected a likely bush if I needed to use the bathroom and smiled at the thought. Getting back to nature indeed!

I had brought my iPhone and Bluetooth speakers and set it down and got it going and then surveyed the work I had ahead of me.

Looking at the tree, it was a disaster. It was an old oak, more than a hundred years if I was any judge. It had been pulled out of its roots to a small degree, but the big problem was the limb that had sheared off and fallen over the roadway. The tree itself was at an angle, but steep enough still as to let a car go by -- I didn't need to chop the tree down, just get the limb off that had torn and was strewn across the road. The problem was that the tear where the limb had partially come off the main trunk was high up, higher than I could reach. I could cut the limb that had fallen across the road, but I couldn't get high enough to cut it high enough to let a car through -- I just couldn't get the angle on it to cut it.

There was literally no choice but to chop the whole tree down and hope that it fell the right way. I had no experience of this but, what the hell, how hard can it be?

Yeah, I learned. It's hard. Oak trees are hard. The axe wasn't the sharpest I've ever used and I was tired from the night before. I spent all morning chopping and was extremely sore in the shoulder area.

Chloe came to find me around 1pm, and brought me water, soda, beer (which did make me wonder what was going on up at the house -- more alcohol indeed I suspected) and a couple of sandwiches. They were welcome and she spent the time massaging my shoulders and I felt immeasurably better because it.

I don't think she was hammered yet, but she was definitely on her way -- there were indications of it -- conversational patterns and subjects she talked about that she wouldn't normally talk about unless there was alcohol involved. I discovered later that I was wrong, and she'd drunk sparingly. It was the weed they'd been smoking that was the culprit. When I discovered that, I also discovered that Mark had made all the strips short, and since I was offered the first once, I would automatically get the shortest one. He'd even winked at Jim while he'd done it -- all because he knew my feelings on weed and wanted a clear day to get wasted with everyone.

To be clear, I don't much care about other people doing weed. If you want to, that's your affair. Just don't do it around me. It's a bug bear with me and I don't like people doing it around me -- I have some bad memories from when I was a kid -, and out of respect for me, Chloe doesn't. She had a more liberal upbringing than me, and as such didn't see the harm in it and I knew she indulged when elsewhere, and I was ok with that -- just don't do it around me or come home to me under those effects. I don't know why I felt so strongly, - after all the effects are very like getting drunk, but with no hangover -- but I do, and everyone respected that. Their way of dealing with it was to get me out of the picture so they could indulge and, once I was able to look back, I could see that.

Chloe stuck around for a bit longer, to watch me work, and then said something cryptic about "If you thought last night was great, wait till tonight!" and wandered off.

I was still hung over and not thinking straight or I'd have worried about that hint, but as it was, I had a job to do and I wanted it done. It took me another hour to get the tree down and while it fell the right way, the branch was still across the road. It took me another two hours to hack off the limb, then another two hours to get it off the road and cut up. By 5pm I was beat, very disgusting and sweaty and badly needed a bath. But the job was done. By now my phone was out of juice from playing music --which was fine, there was no reception up here anyway.

I hefted the axe and whistled the "hi ho" song from Snow White on the way home.

When I arrived, the party was in full swing. And I mean party. There was music playing, the fire was going again -- Mark had cleaned out the wet muck from the fire put from the night before and restocked it with dry tinder and there were drinks everywhere. Mark had brought out his bar on a side table and Wendy and Kathy were actually dancing.

What really made my eyes pop were what the girls were wearing, or not wearing as the case maybe. Kathy was in a sheer red number, with slits up the side that made it plain she was not only not wearing a bra, but no panties either. The dress was two parts, a front and back and the two were connected via cris-cross lace ties. It was deep cut in the front and the back and revealed a LOT. I had no idea she owned a dress like this, let alone would wear one. Wendy was in a white halter top dress, which was in the Grecian style. It draped down the front, cut down to basically her waist. If she lent left or right too much, either one of her magnificent tits would fall out the side. You just couldn't stop staring. She was the ultimate wasp and yet, dressed like this?

Then my gaze fell on Chloe and I just stopped. She was wearing a jacket and dress combination. It was a black pleated skirt that feel to above her knee, but it was when she turned on hearing me arrive that I saw that the jacket she was wearing was a little tight on her, because it was buttoned up, with one button. And she was obviously not wearing anything underneath, since it pushed her boobs up and you could just see all the cleavage.

"Our warrior returns!" said Wendy, on seeing me first. I just stood there, looking around at the scene. Mark was at the grill, Jim was talking with Chloe and Wendy and Kathy were dancing by the drinks table. The guys were in slacks and collared T-shirts, and looking very slick and coffered. The girls were dressed....how they were dressed. I still couldn't get over that. And there was me, smelly, sweating and generally disgusting.

Chloe gave me her radiant smile and came over and put a hand on my bicep. "There you are. So glad to see you. We were waiting for you." I could tell she was a bit blasted but what the hell, that's what we were there for right? So many thoughts I wish I could retract and go back and revisit but this is the way of the world.

"You like?" she said, as she pirouetted in front of me. I nodded -- she knows I have a thing for pleated skirts -- and just looked at her enquiringly. "Jim brought a bunch of dress up clothes, in the chest" she said.

I stood there, absorbing that -- a whole bunch of questions jumping out at me like "How did he know her size?" and "Why would you do that?", that I wanted to ask but didn't want to get into right there.

Something was up and I wasn't sure exactly what yet, but on the other hand, she did look a million dollars and I was looking forward to getting into it with her later, like last night.

I said "I need to bathe, I'm disgusting."

"Just the smell of honest labor" said Chloe, although she did wrinkle her nose a bit and then added "But if you could be laboring honestly somewhere else, that would be nice. Go shower." Then she came in close and whispered "Got a surprise for you later..."

Boy, were those words prophetic.

Jim came over, thrust a beer in my hand and said "Get cleaned up boy. We have games tonight!"

So I went upstairs and took a bath. I could have showered but I was sore and my muscles ached and I'd been promising myself a soak all day. Sure, it would take longer, but they downstairs weren't going anywhere.

Before I did sink into the hot water, I tried to shave my head with my razor but found it hard going because it was so blunt. That was strange since it was almost a new blade, but again, I was tired and worn out from a day's hard work and frankly, my wife's attire and behavior were more at the forefront of my brain. Because of this I also completely missed the small hairs at the bottom of the tub when I took a bath or more to the point, noticed them, wondered what they were and then just swished them down the drain.

Sitting in the hot bath and drinking the beer was not a smart move on my part -- when I got out of the bath my body felt better but the combination of hot water and beer had really got me even more tired than I was before.

But I felt I had to be a part of this, whatever "this" was. I went into the bedroom and found chinos and a collared shirt laid out for me. These weren't my clothes, but no one seemed to wearing clothes they owned this evening either, so what the hell.

I put them, on and they fitted to a T. I went downstairs, the weariness hitting me repeatedly.

Everyone cheered when I appeared and instantly there were whisky toasts. Jim pressed one into my hand and I looked at it and said to him "I'm not sure...." He just ignored me and said "Don't be silly. That's a 300 buck bottle right there. Drink up and be happy."

I looked at Chloe and she raised her glass at me, as did everyone else. So, to go along, I drank it. At this point we retired inside, moving the bar with us.

I think over the next hour I did about 3 shots and 2 beers and each hour, the weariness got stronger. We played charades and it was all about sex positions and acts and I just didn't get most of them, not because I'm a prude but because I was so tired and kept dozing off.

Eventually, Chloe sat down with me in the couch and looked at me a little concernedly "Are you ok honey?" she asked.

I nodded. "I'm just really tired. Not sure how long I can stay up. Last night, being woken in the night, the booze last night, the work today, the booze now... I'm just..."

She looked me in the eyes and said "Well, here's something to keep you awake". She looked around, and while the others were all present, they were all turned away. She nodded grabbed my hand and put it up her skirt. I discovered her surprise was that not only was she not wearing any underwear, she'd also shaved her pussy bare.

She never did this, despite me asking a few times. She always showed scorn for those who did, keeping hers trimmed but with bush. None of this landing strip or Brazilian for her. Until tonight.

I just looked at her, with both a quivering smile and incomprehension in my eyes. She just smiled back, that vivacious smile and took a sip of her drink. I was about to ask something and she put a finger on her lips and said "Later". Smiling again, she got up and honestly, that's about as much as I remember of the rest of the night.

I think I sat on the couch for a while, I got offered another beer, which I guess I accepted. Basically though, I just fell asleep there and then. Totally out. I vaguely remember having someone shake me, and someone say my name at some point, but I couldn't tell you if that was real or not. I guess it must have been. The combination of the night before, being woken in the night, the intense physical work of the day and all the alcohol took its toll and I just passed out.

I woke up later that night -- I was dehydrated to the nth degree and had dry mouth and I woke with a slight start. I was still on the couch, only someone had thrown a blanket over me, which was nice.

I could hear the sounds of sex again, and I turned my head and the sight I beheld was one I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

My wife, the love of my life, who I loved more than anything in the world, was bent over the coffee table, facing sideways to me. Her skirt was up around her waist and her jacket on the floor. She had two arms on the coffee table and her breasts were swinging as she was pounded from behind by Jim, intensely. He had one hand on her back and the other leaned over, pulling her hair. Chloe was biting her lip and although both had their eyes closed the worst of all was that I could see that Chloe had a cum face on. The one I had almost never seen.

She moaned "Fuck me harder, stud. I need your cock" -- almost the exact same words she'd said to me the night before.

My blood turned to ice and my entire life crashed around me in that instant.



Out of Love Ch. 02



I sat there, eyes wide, waiting for someone to notice me, but they were completely enmeshed in the act, totally oblivious. I knew from practical experience that when Chloe is in that mode, it would take an asteroid hitting the earth to get her attention. I glanced at Jim, and he seemed equally intent and unknowing.

My heart literally broke as I stared at the tableau in front of me. My wife, evidently extremely into it, was being fucked by one of my best friends. I idly wondered where Mark and the other girls were -- I'd find out in a minute -- and then wondered what the hell I should do.

I wasn't even angry, right then. I was just shell shocked, heartbroken and didn't know what to do. In the end I thought "I can't stay here, I need to get out of here", the fight or flight reflex kicked in and for me, it was flight. Which is just as well, since if it had been fight, it would not have gone well for anyone. I have a second degree black belt In Ju-Jitsu I earned when I was in my 20's and while I hadn't seen the inside of a dojo in a long time, I still remembered enough and had muscle memory for Very Bad Things to happen to everyone.

I got up, the blanket falling from me and very carefully moved off behind the rutting couple. I dimly remember thinking "I have to leave" and then wondering where my car keys were. Then I remembered they were on the bed side table in our room. While I was there, I would grab a drink of water. I probably shouldn't be driving since I still had alcohol in my system, but I equally couldn't stay here, so I'd have to take that risk. Such where the thoughts going through my head at the time.

I went up to our room and as I passed by Mark and Wendy's room, I discovered where Kathy was. Their door was open and I couldn't help but observe the scene in it as I passed. Wendy was naked, on the tip of the bed, leaning back on the pillows, legs spread and one hand grasping one of her tits and the other was on the back of Kathy's head, who knelt between her legs, lapping her pussy intently. Her head was being pushed into it repeatedly by Mark, who was behind her, pounding her pussy as hard as he could. I could see rivets of sweating running down his back. Kathy was really getting into it, wiping her face all over Wendy's pussy, getting her juices all over her. I also noticed that Wendy also had a shaved pussy and I wondered if it was her who had put Chloe up to it.

I stopped for a second, but it's a testament to how fucked up emotionally I was right then that I didn't get hard for a second. I've thought about it since and while I think it's enormously erotic, it just doesn't turn me on. For obvious reasons. 

I quickly moved on before Wendy looked up and saw me. I went into our room, grabbed my keys, grabbed my backpack -- thankfully I'd put the laptop and projector into it earlier, to get it out of any harms away, and went back downstairs as quietly as I could. I picked up my dead phone and eased out the front door. Jim and Chloe where still at it -- they'd changed positions so she was on top and I could just see that she had, indeed shaved her pussy, and Jim was getting the full benefit of it. I was lucky in that the layout of the house was such that the stairs was right by the front door, so I was able to get out easily without being noticed -- not that I would have been since they were so immersed in what they were doing, but still. If the door had slammed, they might have noticed and it would have been an awkward moment. Someone would have got hit and blood would be spilled and I'd probably end up killing someone.

I got out, walked over to my car and got in. I sat there for a second, panting and trying to sort out the emotions I was feeling. I was trying to be rational and think about what I needed to do next, but it was interspersed with random thoughts and emotions.

I need to get home. Good thing I have this car then, the Mustang GT I've always dreamed about. It'll get me home faster than anything else, particularly the way I drive. Why would she do this? We had such a great night last night. Being fast is good. They are going to notice I have gone and there is no phone reception up here, so they will have to come after me if they are going to. I wonder if she has done this before? No, she can't have. I'd have known. Wouldn't I? My phone is dead. I have a charger, but I don't really want to use it - if they do get in phone reception range, I don't want to talk to her. I wonder if the others planned this? I wonder if they do this a lot and we are new meat? If I don't respond, Chloe will definitely come after me, so I while I can get home in about an hour and half in my Mustang, it'll take them at least 2 in the explorer. I wonder how she'll feel about this in the morning? How will I feel?

Enough thinking. Action time. I started the car, put it in gear and gingerly let the clutch out. I moved out from the small parking lot as quietly as I could, turned on the lights and made my way down the long winding lane leading up to the lodge. Past the tree I spent the day chopping down and eventually onto a main road. We actually live in Spokane, in Washington state, so I definitely had a drive in front of me, but that was ok. Driving right now was exactly what I needed, to sort out my own brain.

I pointed the car to home and let her have her head.

When I got home, exactly one hour and 33 minutes later (even then, I still kept tabs on stuff like that), I literally dashed out of the car and into the small house we shared. When I got inside I saw that there were waiting messages on the phone -- lots of them. I had no desire to listen to any of them and spent a frantic 30 minutes gathering everything that I could think of that I would need and that would fit in my mustang. Some monitors, keyboards, and couple of PC's, some hard drives, as many clothes as I had (which, was more than I had thought), some toiletries, and even stupid stuff like a plate, a bowl, spoons and forks and a cup and so on. I grabbed some of my favorite books -- although I almost always use a Kindle now, but still, physical books evoke memories -- and the framed painting my dad did of my mom when they first met. There were still some collections of stuff I wanted to take but I knew she'd be coming -- or at least I imagined she would if she had any love for me left, -and frankly I had no idea of what state of mind she was in.

Either way, I wanted to be gone. As I was packing up the last of my stuff the home phone rang and the machine picked it up. It was Chloe. She was frantic and saying "Are you there? I can't get you on your cell. Where are you? I am so freaked out right now. I'm so worried, please, call me. We need to talk. J, where are you?"

Hearing her voice literally tore my heart in two again. All I could see was the image I had seen as I woke up -- my wife being banged by my best friend, in front of my sleeping form no less -- no respect there, obviously. Although I almost laughed when I thought that -- "No respect" -- because they didn't take it up stairs. Not "no respect" because my friend was fucking my wife, no, "no respect" because they didn't do it privately. I did almost giggle, and then I realized how fucked up I truly was.

I had to get out.

So I left. I went to the other side of town, sat in a shitty motel, hid the car behind a garbage area at the motel so you couldn't see it unless you were parked in a certain position, and just sat.

And I sat there for three days. I did no work. I barely ate. I just sat there, thinking. About the future, what I was going to do.

Every time I thought about Chloe and me and the future, all I could see was the image of her cumming on Jims cock, and saying the same things to him and she said to me. I could see the cum face, the one I so rarely saw and which Jim, apparently, invoked in her on the first fuck. Or maybe it wasn't the first fuck. I have no idea. Then I was confronted with the question of "did I want to know?" even. And if I did, would it change anything?

One thing was for sure. I could no longer live with her. I couldn't see her in the same blissful way I had the night before. My version of Chloe was gone and there was a new one now, one that enjoyed sex with my friends. Who did it in front of me when I was asleep? I couldn't reconcile the two -- the one who I knew loved me and the one that would do this, and it was destroying me.

Eventually, I left the motel and I drove to Portland. By now I had charged up my phone, seen that it had almost 40 messages, mostly from Chloe, but some from the other couples. I deleted all of them without listening.

When I got to Portland, I leased a small one bedroomed apartment and then decided it was time to go back, get the things I had left and be done with it.

I rented a Town and Country van, put the chairs down, took a deep breath and drove back. I tried to time it when I knew Chloe would have a shift at the hospital, and mostly, I was right.

I got into the house -- my keys still worked, I had been worried about that -- and I got out all the other stuff I really wanted. There was a captains chair I worked in and some collections of toys that meant a lot to me. Nothing had really changed in my absence, although I noticed there was no house cleaning or tidying up of dishes any more.

However, as is with my luck, I didn't get clean away. And it was probably better this way.

As I was carrying out the last item to the van, Chloe drove up in her red Miata.

She jumped out of the car and ran to me, flinging herself on me, crying mightily.

"Where have you been? I've been worried sick. We had the cops out looking for you?" she sobbed, burying her face in my neck.

I disengaged her hands from around my neck and pushed her off me. I wasn't rough, but I wasn't feeling particularly loving at that moment. In fact, I was starting to get angry. The anger I'd not felt at all until I was here with her now.

I started to say something, then just stopped and went back inside. She stood there, trembling, knowing it was bad, and then followed me in.

I sat down in the master chair and she sank into the sofa opposite, her bag dropping down her body and onto the floor.

"J...I.... I don't know what happened. Where did you go? Why did you leave?"

I just sat there and looked at her. I didn't say anything -- I didn't trust myself to say anything right then. She looked at me, and I could see she didn't want me to have seen anything. She didn't know what I had seen, and she wasn't going to bring it up if I didn't. But I wasn't speaking. And she had to fill the air.

"I... look, I don't know what you saw. It wasn't what you think..."

I just tilted my head at that.

"Ok, well... yes, perhaps it was what you saw. Look, it wasn't supposed to be like that. It was supposed to be all of us. You fell asleep!"

She looked at me imploringly, as though this was a mea-culpa and it was up to me to respond. I considered what to say.

"So, because I was asleep, that makes it my fault that Jim was stuck up you and you were evidently getting into it, yes? That I'm at fault here?"

She slumped down. "We thought... we thought it would be ok. You'd said that we needed to have sex with friends around... I thought you'd be ok. It was supposed to be all of us playing. We had a whole night planned, and then you just fell asleep." She repeated, as though it explained everything.

"When you did, we made a pact that when you woke up, the three girls would just be on you all night. You'd get all of us, to make up for it! It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was just supposed to be more of the night before, only with more people!" she was starting to cry talk now.

I considered this and, as an example of the way my brain works, I had to contest something. "So let me get this straight, you'd fuck Jim -- wait, did you fuck Mark too?" I asked, as it suddenly occurred to me. Chloe looked down and said in a low voice "Before Jim, only a bit though. He wanted to fuck Kathy with Wendy. Apparently it's a thing for him."

"Oh, well - that makes it all ok," I said, in a particularly nasty tone. "So back to the point, if I'd woken up past all the earlier excitement, I'd have had all three of you, yes?"

"That was what we intended.." Chloe said, rubbing her eyes with one hand. "But then you'd gone..."

"So, in response to me not being incredibly angry with my so called friends for fucking my wife, I get sloppy seconds from all of them? Or sloppy thirds or however many times your shared your slut cunt." It was a measure of how angry I was that I used words like that. I wasn't normally like that, but the more I heard this explanation, the angrier I was getting.

She was genuinely taken aback. "J, it was a mistake. You don't need to be so nasty."

"Fuck Nasty. I've barely begun. Now answer the question. My reward would have been three completely fucked women who would have been oozing cum, yes?"

Chloe suddenly realized where I was going with this. "Umm, no, that wasn't what we meant. We wanted to make fantasies come true for you. Three women J. Don't tell me you don't want that. I know you do."

"Oh certainly," I replied. "I'd just rather they were either cheaters or had just been fucked senseless by my friends. You didn't even think that through properly either, did you? You know what I think? I think this was preplanned by the others, and if you haven't done this before, you were pretty easily persuaded. I think you were all drunk, you were all stoned and you were all horned up because of what happened the night before. I think you desperately wanted to do this and when I feel asleep, you came up with any idea you possibly could in order to make it alright in your own mind. That's what I think."

Chloe just sat there, very very still, suddenly starting to understand my state of mind.

"I love you Chloe. Or, I did love you. Heart and soul. Maybe I would have shared you had I not had a day of labor" -- Chloe suddenly avoided my eyes at this and I knew something was up -- "Oh really, there's more? What is it? Get this Chloe, your only chance here is total honesty."

There was no chance anyway -- I was beside myself with anger now I was here, listening to this; I was gripping the sides of the chair so hard it would leave imprints in the leather -- but she didn't need to know that and it was likely this would be the only way I would hear the truth, or at least as much as she wanted to tell me.

Chloe sat back and pushed her legs together, the way she always did when she had admit something she'd done wrong.

"Mark rigged the paper scraps. He knew you'd say no if you were in the house and we wanted to get high. The tree was just lucky. You got the short straw and we got to smoke all day."

"Oh he did, did he? Oh good. Another thing to have a chat with him about sometime soon." I said. I was starting to go past anger and into icy stillness. Chloe has only ever seen this once before and when it happened, someone got beat up pretty bad -- someone who richly deserved it. I wasn't anywhere near it when it happened, but it happened none the less, and she knew I was responsible.

"J... it was not supposed to be this way. After the night before, you seemed so into it. I mean we fucked like never before. The others were talking about hearing us while you were working. We talked about sharing and everyone agreed you'd be into it; we just had to do it the right way. I was a bit skeptical myself, but once we started playing charades... after you went to sleep we started playing duo charades, where two people have to do the action and it was great. I even..." Chloe actually blushed here "touched my first pussy other than mine." There was even a slight hint of her smile as she said it.

I took a deep breath.

"Oh that's great honey. Another first while I was asleep. Yeah, I'm sure that was great for you. I would have liked to have seen that too, but hey, who cares when the old man is asleep eh? Serves him right for sleeping when all this great stuff was going on."

Chloe bit her lip and fumbled with her hands in her lap.

"I want you to understand something Chloe. Whatever you intended, whatever plans you cooked up and what fantasies you thought you'd be making happen for me, later, I want you to understand this. I walked in on a party happening -- I'd been working very hard all day physically -- and now I find out I was suckered into doing that -- and I had drinks pressed upon me when I'd not even eaten anything. I fell asleep. I'm sorry I did that. It was not intentional. But I did. And while I did, you thought it was ok to break the most sacred thing we have between each other -- our word. I have no idea what I would have thought if I had not fallen asleep, but, and I want to make this absolutely clear -- it was not your decision to make for me. Not something like this. Do you get that? You do NOT make that kind of decision for someone else while they are asleep and have no idea what is going on."

Chloe nodded dumbly and then offered "It was just sex J. Just sex. I love you and always will. You are my man. Nothing can change that. It was a mistake. I know that. I didn't know you would react like this. I'm so so sorry. I just... I don't know what I can do to make you understand that."

I sat back, sucked on my lips and wondered how to say what I needed to say.

"Chloe -- I believe all that. The problem here is that while I _do_ believe you, that it was a mistake and you regret it, it still happened. You can regret it as long as you like, but I was the one who woke up and saw as his first waking site his wife getting hard fucked by his best friend. I carry that around. Every time I close my eyes, that's what I see. And you know what _really_ hurts?  Chloe shook her head miserably.

"You had your cum face. 9 years we've been together and I can count on one had the number of times I've seen it. But one fuck with Jim, and there it is. Can you imagine how that compounds that memory? Can you imagine how that makes me feel? One fuck with him and bam, you are there. With me, it takes years."

Chloe's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh honey.. I'm so sorry, it was just... new. The night before with you, the porn, the promise of that night, the weed... it was just... curiosity. I was so horny and he was just fucking me and it just happened. It doesn't mean anything. It really doesn't. Jim is beside himself right now. He and Mark have been looking for you for days. They feel like they destroyed everything."

"Chloe, difficult as you might have with this concept, since you keep repeating it, 'It's just sex' does not actually make it any easier. I'll put it to you this way. If you'd fallen asleep, and then woke up, and the first thing you'd have seen was me fucking Wendy, and more so, making her cum right there and then, how do you imagine you'd feel? Can you imagine me repeated 'it's just sex' to you would make it ok?"

Chloe stopped -- this had obviously occurred to her before since she just stared down at her twisting hands.

She said in a quiet voice, after a few minutes "I know. I thought of that once we knew you were gone. There was only one reason you would have gone -- I didn't know what you saw.... I just kept repeating it to me, Wendy and Kathy said the same thing. They said once I got to talk to you, you'd get over it. The offer is still there by the way. All of us?" She looked up at me hopefully.

Right now, I had ice running through my veins. "No, I don't think so. I don't think I should be around them, or Jim or Mark, or them around me. I think right now very bad things would happen. I don't care how contrite everyone is. I care about the fact that I cannot look at you without being utterly disgusted."

Chloe howled at that. "J... Please.... You are my world. I can't be without you. This was just a horrible mistake.. Please. What can I do? How do we get past this?"




Out of Love Ch. 02



I'll be honest. Part of me was pleased at making her suffer, the way I had. Although it wasn't a patch on how I was feeling, but maybe it was and I was just too angry to see that. But part of me was horrified, both at her suffering and at my own self for inflicting it. But I was seeing red and that was the lesser voice.

"Chloe, I'm leaving. I'm leaving you, this house, this marriage, those friendships and this town. We are done. What you did was just... too far for me to deal with. Maybe in years to come but right, as I said, all I can see is Jim's cock in you. I'll find a lawyer and have him contact you."

I stood up. "I'm sorry it came to this, but you did this. Maybe it was circumstances, but that's the way it's happened and I have to deal with it." Chloe wailed and got up to come to me. I was ready for this and backpedaled to the front door pretty nimbly and opened the front door -- having not locked it before, and was out before she got to me.

I was in my van and backing away, seeing her in the door way, quaking and crying her eyes out. I was shaking badly myself, and I only drove a couple of blocks before pulling over in order to calm down. In doing so, 5 minutes later, I witnessed Jim's red Ford Explorer whip past me on the way to my old house. I snorted and though "figures" and as I drove away, I idly wondered if Chloe would get fucked again tonight. But then I thought "It's none of my business any more" and resolved to put it out of my mind as much as I could.

Fat Chance.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Six months passed. Stuff happened.

For three months, I was a complete disaster. I barely bathed, I basically just got enough furniture in my apartment from craigslist to sit on. I discovered I didn't need TV at all -- just downloaded everything from the internet. I found myself crying at odd moments, and I replayed both the moment of waking up in that lodge and the final rant with Chloe over and over in my head, playing out different scenarios.

Chloe has tried to contact me several times. By phone, which I ignored and email, which I also ignored. I'd moved once, when I got a registered letter from her -- how she found me I don't know, but I was pretty sure it would be followed up by an in person visit if I didn't respond, so I moved instead.

I got a lawyer, and we hashed out terms. She's not signed yet, but that's ok. There's time and I'm in no hurry to be married again.

But, like I said, I was a mess. I stopped running, exercising and doing anything good. I drank took much and got into two fights. Both Jim and Mark tried to contact me too, but gave up after a few weeks. I spoke to my sister and told her a brief version of events -- she knows where I am but no one else does. Well, no one that doesn't have access to a private investigator, anyway.

Jim even wrote to my software company, asking if I'd do some contract work for him, with a new company he was financing -- "can we let bygones be bygones" indeed. I laughed at that, but did put him onto a friend of mine who needed the work. I told him to triple his quote and Jim paid it, with no questions.

I stopped shaving, both my face and my head -- and I really saw how grey I was and how thin the hair was on top. Strangely enough, it was this that really prompted me to start turning myself around. I could NOT just let my hair be thin and grey -- which completely obviated my long running rant about other people who cared too much about their hair; I did too, just in the opposite way -- I HAD to shave it, and as such, it was then that I started to even start looking at coming out of my funk.

It took me 3 months to really come to terms with the fact that I was on my own now, that Chloe was out of my life and I was alone.

And then I met Amy. Now, this is not your typical rebound affair. I still don't know quite why she chose me, because I was a disaster and one look at me made that clear -- but she did, and she turned out to be everything I needed.

Amy Halslip was red headed, spirited, in charge of her own life and certainly not in charge of mine. But she brook no shit, took no prisoners, you got once chance and if you made it through, you were golden. She was also the most levelheaded person I ever met, and able to see the other side of any discussion almost instantly. It was an almost supernatural gift.

Somehow, I made it through.

We met at a book store. Most of the time I was strictly digital -- I LOVE my kindle -- but in my haste to leave Chloe, I'd forgotten one particular book, from Neil Gaiman, that holds particular memories for me. I simply have to have a hard copy, so I'd gone to the bookstore -- one of those huge ones with a coffee shop in it, to get one. I'd encountered Amy in the science fiction section -- which was unusual enough, an attractive woman into sci-fi? -- and had a very brief bit of banter when she'd asked me where a particular author was; as it turned out, one of my favorites -- but then I'd encountered her again in the coffee shop -- she had the only remaining chair free at her table, so I asked if I could sit down.

We talked, she made me laugh -- a rarity in those days -- and I left feeling better than I had in a while. She pressed on me her card and made me promise to call. I didn't, but we ran into each other again a week later at the grocery store. We went for coffee again. Somehow we ended up dating.

I was entirely unsure about it, but she seemed sure. She was calm, reassuring, unwavering and extremely understanding with me. Everything I needed. She started to bring me out of my shell a bit - took me out to movies, made me eat out, went through my refrigerator and discarded all the old and crap stuff. She wrinkled my nose at my furniture, where I lived and then... then there was the sex.

That was just...weird. It was effortless and passionate and she just knew so much as to what would make a man happy. She was obviously a woman with a past, but I never enquired. I don't know why, it just wasn't a subject we got onto and if we did, she steered it away very quickly. All I knew is that she was as new in Portland as I was, had very few friends and was quite ok that way, living her life for herself.

She was pretty damn awesome to look at too -- 5'11", as I said, red tresses flowing down her back -- it was obviously dyed since she didn't have the fair skin that goes with red hair -- it's a striking thing that you can't quite work out what is wrong when you first see her, but it just makes her more attractive and interesting, not less. She has a 36B bust, knows how to use it, an hourglass figure and a penchant for long flowy dresses. She has a gentle humor and very subtle New York accent that I swear she tries to hide.

I was happy. For the first time in a long time, I could see a future that was Chloe less, but still ok. The pain and anger was still there, but diminishing over time -- Amy was helping me overcome it and it was almost too good to be true. Exactly what I needed had come along and I was starting to recover.

She was even tentatively interested in some of things I was. Unlike Chloe, she'd not roll her eyes when I'd make Star Wars quotes, although hearing she'd never seen The Return of the Jedi was more than I could take. I bought the bluray that afternoon and we watched it, while drinking beer.

Afterwards I asked her what she thought and she said "It was an interesting exercise in an inverted oedipal complex", whatever that meant. I would discover that, but not until much later.

Of course my story came out one night. It was inevitable. I'll never forget her response though. She gathered me up as I cried and said "It'll be ok. Not all women are like that. And remember, while she hurt you, it was not intentional. You have to remember there was no malice. Just thoughtlessness". As she rocked me back and forth.

Her understanding blew me away and we had many discussions about it over the next few months. She was adamant that Chloe's actions weren't malicious, just stupid and that I needed to understand my own reactions to understand myself better. She ended up Chloe's number 1 cheerleader, and I could never really quite understand why. But she'd follow up a sermon with a blow job and a damn good one at that -- I never tired of her looking up at me smiling at me, with my cum leaking out of her mouth. She'd start by licking my cock to erection, then licking the shaft up and down, just touching the tip on occasion, then going full down on it and using her tongue on my tip, then just as I was getting there, going back the shaft again. It was only long after we were done that I realized that what she was doing was exactly what I did to her, only when I was eating her -- I'd lick all around her labia, the touch her clit occasionally, go back to the labia, maybe tongue fuck her a bit, then I'd go all out on the clit, licking, sucking, biting (gently), for a couple of minutes, then I'd go back to tongue fucking or licking around her pussy. It drove her crazy and I had no idea that I was subconsciously showing her what I wanted too.

She also had this trick of laying her flat hand on the top of my cock and making circular motions with her hands that just drove me insane. She could get me off in moments if she kept that up. Thankfully, she used it to drive me to the edge, and then she'd let go. I could never decide if she was being cruel or just trying to keep it going. She definitely had Tantric training in her life though -- I found some of her techniques in an online Tantric manual one night, and found one to use on her too.

Anyway, we were happy. She laughed at my jokes, told me when I was being an asshole -- though not roughly, and then, three months later, and six months from The Montana Event, as we had taken to calling it, real life came calling again.

I got an email. It was routed through Yahoo and it had a spoofed IP, because the IP it did have was the White House, and no one at the White House was emailing me about my ex-wife.

It simply said "Your wife is in trouble. If you have any love for her, you need to get home. A friend".

It was quite perplexing. I did some halfhearted sleuthing on it and worked out where it had been spoofed from - the service used, - but my heart wasn't in it. I had no intention of reopening that door and just ignored it.

Nothing happened for two weeks, and then I got another one. This time it said "She needs you. Things are going badly, and she might be in harms way. Go home now. A friend".

This time I showed it to Amy.

She looked at it, sat back and looked at me.

"What do you think?" I asked her. She played with a pen and said "I don't think it matters what I think, does it? It matters what you think, surely?"

"I guess" I said, "I dunno what to think."

"We should talk about this," Said Amy, in therapist mode "Do you still love her? On I know you aren't In Love with her, but that's different. You know what I mean."

"I dunno. I guess. She was my other half for 9 years. And when I say Other Half, I don't mean it like most men do."

Amy nodded. "Yes, I get that. You are a man who commits completely. You know how unusual that is?"

I laughed. "Yeah, Mark -- my friend Mark -- used to ask me when I was getting a vagina installed."

She tilted her head "You can laugh about him now. No bitterness?"

"Oh I'm still so fucking mad at him I could spit" I said, "But it's very... compartmentalized, you know? If I think of that night, I just want to kill the man in cold blood. But I can also think about the good times as well -- him and Jim. Did I tell you about the Vegas weekend we had that was pretty much the basis for The Hangover?"

She nodded. "Repeatedly" she said, in a weary tone, but with a smile.

"So, what are you going to do?" She said, getting back on subject.

"Well, I honestly don't know. Nothing? I think that door is closed now." I looked away from her when I said it and she saw it. She leaned in and took my chin in her hand and turned my head back to face her.

"I think... I think you need more closure. That or you need to resolve this. I think you left in an angry fashion. You know she wasn't trying to hurt you, even though she did in an unbelievably hard way. You need to resolve that in yourself. You don't have to stay. You just need to acknowledge that. We've only been together for 3 months, but I think I know you well enough to say that you are decent and good man. I think you left angry, you said things you regret and you need to clean that slate. Maybe helping her will help you."

"Do I still need help?" I said to Amy, her words having really cut to my core.

She raised her other hand and touched a tear on my face that I wasn't even aware was there. "I think you need to forgive yourself for your reaction first. It was ok and natural. And you are still mad at yourself. Look, go. Go see what is going on. I'll be here when you get back. You know I will be. We have lots more time yet - I can't bear to see you getting better but be stunted the way you are right now. Maybe this will help. I don't know either, but I think you need this."

I looked at her and smiled, and then she gave me a reason to remember her.

We went to the bedroom, and she took me outside onto the very small balcony off the loft bedroom I had. She kissed me hard, pulled my cock out of sweats and went to town on it, using every trick she had. But this time, she stopped once I was fully hard, kissed me hard again, which I didn't have a problem with, which surprised me, and then turned around and pulled up her flowing robe dress at the back. Again, I was startled to find she was wearing no underwear -- obviously there was a memo going around that I'd not seen- and bending slightly over the balcony railing, she pushed my very hard cock into her very wet pussy. It only worked because she was so tall, but it did work and I was enjoying the hell out of it. We had a slow rhythm, me pumping slowing from behind and her backing up into me. At one point she made me bend over her and grabbed my hand and put it on her breast, which was swinging free from the flowing dress she was wearing. If anyone looked up, they'd have gotten an eyeful of her tits and my hands on them, but we were on the 7th floor and no one did.

I was surprised at how easy it was... and as I was starting to up the rhythm, she pulled away and said, "Down cowboy... lets do something else different..."

She led me inside to the bed, and then got on all fours. I noticed there was lube on the side table, so obviously this wasn't as spur of the moment as I had thought, and she saw me looking and said "Put some on your cock". I had an idea of why -- she was very wet right now and didn't need it for her pussy, which meant I must be going somewhere else.

Sure enough, once I was lubed up she leant back and took my cock in hand, and pushed it towards her asshole.

I whispered in her ear, as I pushed the head of my cock in "I had no idea you were such a dirty girl!" -- I heard her gasp as it went in and instantly went still, letting her get accustomed to it. Chloe would never go for anal sex, but I'd done it in the past, pre-Chloe. I knew that the initial entry is the most painful for a woman, and you need to let her adjust once you'd got the head in.

After a minute of two, Amy started slowing pushing back on my cock controlling the rhythm and depth of penetration. I could hear her breathing increase, and I realized this was something she was getting off on. It did cross my mind to wonder why, if she liked this so much, it had taken three months for us to get to this, but on the other hand my dick was in her ass and it was so tight and felt incredible and I wasn't inclined to ask questions.

After a couple of minutes of this, Amy pulled my dick all the way in, held it for a second, and then whispered to me, "You have no idea. Now fuck my ass, fuck it hard and fuck it long." I needed no second invitation, and I started pile driving that ass.

Amy was definitely into it. I don't know whether it was because it was taboo, or the sensations it gave her, or how nasty it was, but we fucked for at least an hour with me doing her ass in every conceivable position. And she had no problem with ass to mouth either. I'd fuck her for 10 minutes, we'd change position, she'd go down on me, then reapply lube and we'd be back at it. She talked dirty the whole time too, "You like my ass do you? You like fucking this sluts ass?" and so on. It was incredible.

And then, when I said I was going to cum, she spun around and just sat there, mouth open, tongue outstretched while I blew my load on it. It was full on porn experience and I've never quite had anything like it.

She smiled up at me and licked her lips and said "Just so you don't forget what is waiting at home for you..."

Quite some night.

But that's how I ended up back in Spokane. Sitting on my street in my car and wondering what was going on. I honestly couldn't face going to my old house at that moment and instead, on impulse, I drove to my old local. I had no idea why -- it was only going to be full of questions about where I had been for the past 6 months, but even that was preferable to going to up to my house. I still had no idea of what I was going to say or what I was even there for, but Amy had thought it was a good idea and I needed it, so here I was.

I pulled into the lot of the Happy Turnip -- Washington Bar owners have a strange sense of humor -- and as I did so, I saw an old friend, Sam Burlington leaving the bar, he recognized the car, did a double take and waved at me. I stopped and wound down the window.

"Hey Sam".

"Jace! Where the hell have you been dude? We've all been looking for you at some point or another. Even thought you were dead at one point."

"I'm still alive and kicking Sam. Just had to get out of town for a bit. Problems and stuff. Don't really want to go into it, right now though."

"Yeah, I hear you. Trudy is still ringing my bell though. I'm actually late or I'd stay and chat. You in town long? Can we catch up?"

I looked out the windshield of the car and looked back and said "I dunno man. I don't know how long I'll be here -- got some stuff to resolve, you know? Look, I'll be around, if you see me, let's have a beer and a chin wag, ok?"

"Sounds like a plan sir." He raised his fist for a fist bump and I drove on into the parking lot. I got out of the car and went into the bar.

I had managed two beers and some desultory chat with old acquaintances, when the door opened and Mark walked in. I saw him in the mirror of the bar and sighed. The instant I saw him I knew it was Sam. Sam's wife, Trudy, was the PTSO vice president and who was the president? Wendy. Of course Sam had told Trudy he'd seen me. Of course she'd called Wendy. Of course Mark knew.

Well, there was only one way out and it was through Mark. Unless I was prepared to knock him down, there was going to be a conversation.

I looked away and felt him settle into the chair next to me.

He signaled the bar keep and said "A beer, and whatever my friend is having."

"Oh we 'friends' again Mark?" I said, bitterness I didn't know I had coming out.

He turned and looked at me. "J, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. We completely misjudged the situation. The beer, the alcohol, the night before... I know Chloe has already said all this to you, but I need to say it myself. I'm so sorry. We know we destroyed a friendship and for nothing. It was just sex. Good sex" -- the man couldn't help himself, he had to brag as well -- "but just sex, nothing more. If I could take it back, I would."

I leaned back and ignored the bottle placed in front of me and waited till the bar keep retreated. "I'm sure you would Mark. But you can't. I can tell you this. It's a good thing you are here and not Jim. Him I would deck. I should deck you too -- I know how the evening started -- but frankly, it's not worth my time."




Out of Love Ch. 02



Mark swallowed and turned and leaned on the bar. "I guess I can understand that. When Chloe explained the image you saw when you woke up, well, I'm just surprised any of us as still walking. I don't think I could have taken it without massive damage."

I chuckled a laugh with no humor in it "Oh, I 'm damaged alright. Just trying not to show it right now."

I took a drag.

"What do you want Mark? You need to get that off your chest so you can go back and analyze some more?"

"Actually, I came for that, and to warn you."

"Warn me about what?"

"Chloe took in a lodger."

"She what?" I said, putting down the bottle and giving him my attention.

"She had to make ends meet dude. She's a nurse, you aren't there anymore. She wanted to keep the house because of the memories in it. She had to let out a room to cover the rent."

"What the fuck? Where the fuck are you two in all this? Why isn't Jim bailing her out? He was doing that pretty good in other ways last time I saw him." I exploded. In an abstract way, I was quite interested in my own outraged reaction. I didn't know I cared any more. Evidently I did. Maybe Amy was on to something.

"She won't take anything from either one of us J. You know Chloe, once she gets an idea in her head. She feels that friendship with us has cost her enough, without it costing her more monetarily."

I stopped and considered what he said. It did ring true. If Chloe had remorse, and I was pretty sure she would given how she'd been last time I saw her, this is how she would react. She wouldn't cut off communication, but it would be carefully rationed.

"So she has a lodger. Much joy might it bring her." I said, trying to convince myself I didn't care.

"This guy... well, I'll be honest. He's one of my guys. He's an installer. Although when I recommended him, I had no idea he was.. well.."

"Was what?" I said.

"Well, we've had some complaints. Some of the women he's been on jobs for have complained that he's been leering at them, making suggestions. One even said he grabbed her ass. We had to pay out a lot to make that go away."

"Let me get this straight." I said, my voice rising a bit and me not caring. "First you fuck my wife, making me leave; now you've put some guy in her home that is potential rapist??"

Mark nodded unhappily. "We just discovered he'd got a rap sheet for assault, from 10 years ago. I can't fire him for that, but... you need to know. I don't know what you can do about this, but you need to know."

"Where the FUCK have you been during all this? Why haven't you done anything about it? You are usually the first in on something like this."

"I can't J. I'm his boss. I do anything and it's a lawsuit of managerial abuse waiting to happen. He already did it to the window installer place he used to work for. That manager got fired. My hands are tied. But now you are here, you can sort this out. She'll listen to you. She'll ask him to leave. She's too scared to now."

"She's what?" I almost shouted. This was NOT my Chloe. She was confident, didn't take crap and sometimes abrasive with it. She'd have had no problem telling some asshole to leave.

Mark turned to me again and said "J, things have changed a lot since you left. I don't know exactly what you said to her when you left, but she just crumpled man. She was like a balloon with the air let out. She's a shell of what she was. You say you are damaged -- from where I am sitting it's not a patch on how damaged she is. Go see her, you'll see."

I took a last swig of beer and set the bottle down.

"Mark, you are a piece of work, you know that? Some fucking friend you, to either of us." He looked abashed and looked down and I left the bar without looking back.

I immediately drove up to my old house and knocked on the door. The lights were on and her red Miata was in the driveway, so I knew she was home, but there was no reply. I knocked again, but still no reply, but I did see shadows moving. I walked around the side of the house, looking in through the window. The house looked basically the same, messier and there were some new items in the living room. I was checking them out and then I saw him wandering around. Mark was right, he was a piece of work. Wife beater Shirt, shorts, tattoos over the upper arms, unshaven, wild eyes and he'd obviously been drinking. I stepped back and he didn't see me. I saw him pick up another beer bottle -- there were plenty around the place -- take a swig and mismatch it, and bunch slopped over his shirt and face. He wiped it off with his hand and I heard him say "You can't lock yourself in the bathroom forever, Honey Babe. It's not like I want to rape anyone... I just want... company, you know? You know that. You can't stop going on about that fucking idiot ex-husband of yours. You need company too. We can be nice to each other. Wouldn't that be nice?"

If I thought I was angry before, I was fucking purple now. My ex-wife had locked herself in the bathroom in fear of this disgusting human being. I don't even know why I did what I did next, just that I had to. Whatever she'd done to me, no one deserved to live in fear. I went back around to the front of the house, and praying she'd not changed the locks, tried my old key in the front door. It worked and I thanked the gods.

Then I opened the door and right into a golf club leveled in my direction. Those old Ju-Jitsu reflexes sure do get slower, but they don't go away. I ducked just enough --t he club still hit me but it just nicked me on the top of my head. Just enough to piss me off even more but not enough to slow me down.

I walked in and he mumbled something about home invasion and tried another swing. I was expecting this and I stepping inside his swing, blocking his attempt with my right arm. I then leaned in and head butted him, hard. I felt his nose break and blood spray everywhere, and after he howled and put a hand up to face to comfort his nose, I took the left arm, twisted it a special way and popped his arm out of his socket. He howled again and this time I broke his right collar bone. All of this was eminently recoverable from, but right now he was 100% out of commission and not able to bother me while I dealt with Chloe.

Before I got to that though, I leaned down and grabbed his ear and twisted. He moaned again and shied back, not wanting me to hurt him again.

"Let me explain something to you. The idiot ex-husband is back. And you are gone. You ran into a door and hurt yourself. Fuck, you fell down stairs. I don't care. You are just gone. When I come downstairs again, you are gone or I hurt you and keep on hurting you. Do you understand?"

He nodded without saying anything, the bloody still dripping from his nose.

"If I hear about you harassing another woman, I will be back." His eyes widened at that. "Oh yes, I know all about it. It stops or you'll have no idea when I'll be back. But I will. And I won't take it easy on you next time."

He gurgled something about "Absolutely not" and struggled to get up. I walked towards the stairs and gave it no more thought. I had absolutely assaulted him, intimidated him and put the fear of god into him, an although it was in a good cause, sometimes what I am capable of when driven to it makes even me afraid of myself.

I went out the stairs to the bathroom. I knew which one she'd be in. I was angry and not thinking and instead of doing the smart thing and calling out and letting her know I was here -- god alone knows what she thought was happening downstairs -- I just kicked the damn door open and for the second time that night, walked into a stick attempting to smack my head open.

This time it was the bar rail from the towel holder in the bathroom. It didn't hurt that much but I felt it open a gash. I did grab it and twist it out of Chloe's grasp but by then she had realized who I was.

"OH MY GOD" she shrieked. "J!!! Oh god oh god oh god." She literally collapsed into my arms.

"Is he here? Is he gone?" she wanted to know, shaking and not letting go of me.

"It's ok" I said, stroking her hair, "I asked him to leave. He's gone."

"I can't.. oh my god, you are here. Oh my god. He was so... I didn't'... I just... J, thank god you are here...."

She was just sobbing in my arms. I wanted to make it better for her, but I could still only see her eyes closed in orgasm, as Jim slapped his cock into her. A lot of the anger was gone, but the hurt was still there. As much as I loved her, and I realized I still did, I couldn't be here. It was all still too fresh.

I gathered Chloe up in my arms and took her down stairs, to show her he was gone. True to my word, he was. The front door was still open and there was a trail of blood, but he was gone. I closed and locked the front door.

I sat her down and went and got a tequila shot for her and made her take it. She didn't take her eyes off me the whole time.

She was silent but still shaking. As I gave her the shot she reached up to me and drew me down. I thought she was going to try and kiss me, but she wanted to look at the gash in my head. She took the shot, drowned it in one and then said, "I need to clean that."

She got up, took my hand and took me into the downstairs bathroom. I saw my self in the mirror and I did look a scary sight. The gash in my head had bled down the side, and I was covered in blood on my T-shirt where I had blown out the lodgers nose and it had exploded. I had a nice bruise on my forehead from that too.

Chloe took a towel, wet it and started dabbing at me. I never took my eyes off her as she performed the nurse's duties she was so competent in. She finished, stepped back and said, "I think you'll get away with this. If we were in the ER I'd recommend stitches, but I think in this case it'll be un-necessary. There's going to be a little scaring, but it'll only show up when you get sunburnt, and we both know you never do, don't we?"

She gave me a sympathetic smile and my heart just about exploded right there.

She then sank down next to me, as I sat on the toilet and reached out her arms around my neck.

"I've missed you so much. So much. I just couldn't.... I.... didn't... Oh J..."

She was shaking, crying, happy and just unsure. I let her sit there for a moment, and then gently untangled her from me and stood up.

"Chloe..." I began.

She looked down at the floor and said in a quiet, defeated voice "I know. You won't stay. I know. I don't deserve that anyway."

"Lets go into the living room, we can't talk in here." I said.

I picked her up and we walked back into the living room. She sat on the couch and I on the chair and we looked at each other.

"J" she started, hesitantly, "I know I fucked up. We all fucked up. We've talked about it and we all understand how messed it up it must have been for you. We have no excuse -- we had the stories we built in our minds but, it was just justification for the moment. I don't know what to say, I am so desperately sorry. Is there....is there any hope."

I looked at her and was silent for a while, wondering what I could say. Even the hesitation was enough for her. She looked down and said, "I get it. I just... I just need you to know you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss you with every fiber of my being and I'll never be complete or right without you. But I understand."

"Chloe," I said, "You will always be my world. The other half of my heart. But, still, all I see if Jim fucking you. It's just not something I can get out of my head. Every time I look at you, I'd resent you and feel humiliated. I'm not here to be a dick. I'm sorry I was so angry last time, but I don't think you can really blame me."

She looked up briefly and smiled and shook her head. "I deserved it, and worse. And it's nothing I haven't said to myself. We all understand that we fucked up and let the evening get away from us. We should have waited; we should have gotten your take on it. I dunno... we just...." She looked away again.

"Look Chloe, I didn't realize you were in such straights financially. I can help a bit you know. So you won't have to take in lodgers. I mean - it didn't work out here, did it?"

She looked back at me, some hope in her eyes. "I know. I can't believe I did that. I just... had to. I couldn't afford it. To start with, it was nice having someone around, but he just got more and more of a slob and more and more belligerent. He still owes me the last months rent."

"OK, well, no more lodgers, ok?" I said gently. She nodded and bit her lip. She obviously wanted to ask me something.

"J... I.... there has been no one else for me. I will admit I tried again with Jim and Kathy and Mark and Wendy but it... just felt wrong and forced without you. I just had to do something to stop hurting though. Have you....?" The question was now out there.

I just looked at her for a second, nodded and then stood up. It was time to go. I didn't want to get into Amy -- she'd been hurt enough for one night. As I left, Chloe stood at the door watching me leave, and a more miserable human being I don't think I've ever seen. And then I remembered myself in the mirror that night, and amended that thought.

As I left, driving back to Portland, I wondered what I had learned from the evening, and what the future was to bring. I did make a call to Mark and told him the events of the evening, and I recommended that he get over there with Wendy to talk to Chloe and be there for her. I made it clear we were not 'friends', and that I knew of the extra activities they'd tried, but I was calling on behalf of Chloe. She would need them right now. He said "Ah" and left it at that and I ended the call. 



Out of Love Ch. 03



Authors note – thanks to Darkniciad for editorial assistance. This wouldn't have been published otherwise.






When I got back to Portland, there was no answer when I called Amy. I shrugged it off and buried myself in a new contract I'd picked up. I spent three blissful days elbow deep in python and PHP, building a new server back end for a game company – the kind of work where it's easy to lose yourself, learning new things. I also picked up my novel, which had languished on the hard drive of my laptop since the Montana Event. It felt weird to get back into that, but I just decided I wanted to.

Besides, I knew where she lived, although I did also realize that I didn't know where Amy actually worked. I knew what she did – she was a remote phD Research assistant for some university or other, working for the phD students when they needed data and research done. From the hints she dropped, it sounded like she was here in Portland because something bad had happened at a prior posting – either way I realized I didn't actually know where she did any of this researching. I'd never asked and she'd never volunteered. It was that kind of relationship – we shared what we wanted and never asked about that which we didn't. And, given the last 6 months, I was ok with that.

Eventually though, Amy called. We arranged to have lunch and I met her at her favorite French sandwich place. She had introduced me to the Croque Mousier sandwich, and its female cousin the Croque Madame. I was a complete convert.

When she arrived, she looked quite different. Her hair was now blond and much shorter. She smiled at me and sat down. 

"Surprise!" she said. I was taken aback.

"Wow," I said, simply. "That's a hell of a change."

She gave me another smile, looked at the menu and said, "I'll be honest. Sending you back was a big risk on my part. I had no idea if you'd even come back or not. I... needed something. I needed to do something with my look and shake it off. Try something different."

"Oh I remember something different alright." I smiled, in a vivacious way. Amy's response was not what I expected. She kept leafing through the menu even though she knew it by heart and said, distantly, "I wouldn't expect that every night."

There was something not quite right here but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"Oh no," she said, giving me a big smile again. "Just something work related, a project I am working on that is going to take longer than I thought. It's not a problem, just things aren't going quite to plan right now."

I laughed, "Oh, I know how that is. I had one contract that lasted 6 weeks past the quoted date. And I didn't get paid either. Love the new look through. It's like an entirely new girlfriend! Are you on the run or something?" I joked.

She glanced at me and I detected something in her gaze that just made me shut up. She must have realized and busied herself with mundane things, talking about a new movie she wanted to see.

I want to say that we just picked right back up where we left, but there was something very subtly different. Ostensibly, it was the same on the surface, but something had changed. I figured she must have had second thoughts about sending me back to Spokane, or the sex we had had before I left. I figured the parameters of our relationship had changed, and she'd shown me more than she was entirely comfortable with at that point. I just figured she needed space and not have me crowd her, so I left well alone – I had enough of my own baggage to deal with, without taking hers on my shoulder too.

Over the next couple of weeks, things slowly returned to Post Montana Event Normal – whatever that was - and I thought no more about it. Until three weeks later. Amy called me and asked me to come over. "We had something to talk about."

When I got there, I was as nervous as hell. As a younger man, that phrase was a prelude to being dumped. I had no sense that was going to happen here, but I wasn't sure what was going on any more. The older I was getting, the less I felt I understood what women wanted or needed.

I pulled into the apartment block where Amy lived and walked inside. I passed by a red sports car and idly noted it was the same model that Chloe drove. Small world.

I opened up Amy's apartment with the key she had given me, and announced my presence with a joke. "I'm here, Get them off quick!" I got nothing back and walked into the living room.

Amy was sitting her dinner table, with a coffee in hand. Sitting on the couch was Chloe. She rose as I entered the room. I stopped, totally blindsided. A million questions went through my mind. What did she want, how was she, how had she found me, given she was sitting with my then girlfriend, how was that going to work out? I glanced at Amy who was 100% perfectly calm, and who smiled at me.

This gave me the first problem. Where did I sit? With Amy or with Chloe? It was a perfect conundrum, and I side stepped it by grabbing a chair from the dinner table and putting it right between them, so I could see both. I noticed a very slight smile from Amy as I did it. She was aware of the predicament and my issue of where I sat.

"Hello Chloe," I said, as neutrally as I could, trying to work out what to say. "What brings you to Portland?"

Chloe sat down again. I could see how nervous she was. She looked terrible. There were bags under her eyes, her hair had obviously not been washed but hastily combed. Her clothes mismatched – although I noticed they were ones she knew I liked her in - and there was a small food stain on her blouse, which she would never have allowed usually.

"I..." she shot a glance at Amy, who smiled at her. Amy constantly amazed me. Here was my ex-wife who had caused me such pain and required Amy to put me back together again, and she had made her coffee and small talk while I arrived. I doubted I could have done the same.

Amy gestured for her to continue.

"I... I just can't be without you. I know we are done. I know I brought that on myself. I know I have my penance, but I just can't go on without you in my life J. I need you too much. Even if we can't be together, I just need to be around you. Even if..." and she swallowed hard and looked at Amy, "you've moved on."

I opened my mouth and closed it again, not knowing what to say. I looked at Amy again and she looked back at me, with an almost amused face. I realized she was enjoying this. Watching me squirm and have to make decisions of this nature. There would be a conversation about this later I vowed. I would explain the error of her ways. Forcibly, and repeatedly.

I turned back to Chloe. I had to say something so I asked the first question on my mind, "How did you find me?"

Chloe looked at me and said, "Jim. He hired a private detective to find you. We needed to know you were ok. That's how I found you the first time. We.... We just care about you so much. We know how much we fucked up and they've been keeping and eye out for you. We had to. We couldn't let it just go." Prophetic words, but I had no idea how much at the time.

I nodded. It was the kind of thing Mark and Jim would have done without me there to rationalize.

"Well that's nice. Thank you." I had meant to say it sarcastically, but it came out genuinely. I surprised myself.

"How have you been? You look..." I couldn't finish the sentence because it was painfully obvious how she looked and I just didn't want to say it.

"I look awful," she said, brushing a hair out of her face. "I'm a mess J. A total mess. And not even a hot mess, just a blubbering mess. I cry constantly and I've had to take time out at work – the doctors don't trust me right now not to make a mistake with medications. And I don't blame them. Sometimes I think about taking some myself, to stop feeling this way."

That alarmed me. Even on my worst day, self harm or drug use had never crossed my mind. I leaned forward and said, "That's not the answer Chloe. You know that."

She smiled back at me. A weak smile, but a smile none the less.

"I know. It's just... lonely. And I miss you so much. I thought we would be together forever."

I leaned back and said, "Weeeelllll...." For the first time I could smile about The Event, and that too, surprised me.

"The thing is J, I just need to be here for a bit. I need you around. I need your to be my rock. When you burst into the bathroom, I honestly thought my heart would burst, seeing you like that. My knight and hero – always the way I thought of you, and there you were again, saving me. When you left again, I really knew we were done and that gave me even more despair. But I decided that I had to take what I could get – whatever you could offer me, so I called Mark and Jim and got your address down here, and I just came to see what could be salvaged. Mark and Jim told me about...Amy, and even though you've moved on, I... just can't. Yet."

I glanced at Amy to see how she was taking all this. There was still that hint of a smile dancing on her lips, and it totally put me off asking if Mark and Jim knew where I lived, what was she doing here, at Amy's apartment. Sure, I spent a lot of time there, but it wasn't my address.

"Amy, I have to ask, what do you think?"

Amy put down her coffee cup and I got blindsided for the second time that day when she said, "I think you need to get used to Chloe being around. I just invited her to stay with me and she accepted. At least for the next couple of weeks."

"You did WHAT?" I said, rising up in surprise. 

Amy was cool and silent until I got the hint and sat down again. "I think this works for everyone. I've wanted to know what Chloe was like, she needs somewhere to be for a while, and she's handy to see you while you come and see me. Plus, if you want to look at it this way, she gets to watch you be happy with another woman, if you want to punish her some more. Sorry dear, we have to get this out in the open," she said, addressing Chloe. "If you stay here, you need to know the lay of the land. You hurt him and he may still want to punish you. We are a couple and will stay that way. We just need clear boundaries. Understand you may hear and see some things that you really don't want to."

Chloe nodded. She didn't look wild about it but she understood and accepted. "I deserve this. I put an image in your mind I know I can never take back. Turnabout is fair play," she said, being brave and putting on her 'I don't like it, but I know this is right' face, that I remembered so well.

"And you," said Amy. "Don't be getting any ideas. There will be no threesomes or sneaking around. You understand?"

I looked at Amy and honestly, until then, the thought hadn't occurred to me. And of course, now it was addressed, it did. In spades. I snorted and to disguise my sudden visualizations, I said, "I think I'm all done with group sex, Amy. My experience to date hasn't been the best."

Amy nodded. "I can well imagine," she said, dryly.

"So, are good? Do we understand the rules?"

Chloe nodded again. I kind of felt like I was just assumed to be along for the ride, so I had to ask, "And what if I'm not ok with this?"

Amy looked at me and said, "What of it? What are you going to do if not?"

What indeed. I had no plan and frankly, I was still shell shocked at Chloe showing up, let alone the bombshell that she was staying with Amy. I was playing catch up in the worse possible way.

"I guess I'll just go quietly then. Chloe, welcome to the neighborhood. I need to get going. This is a...lot to process."

Amy nodded approvingly. "Yes, I've got to get Chloe settled, as well."

There was something more here. I could feel it. I couldn't put a finger on it, but something was nagging at me. Some detail or other, some expression, something. I just put it down to me being blindsided and didn't dwell on it. I had to work out how I was going to treat Chloe, now she was roommates with my current girlfriend. That should make for lots of wonderful awkward moments.

I stumbled out of Amy's apartment and went straight to a local bar for a beer. Consideration of such weighty events required liquid assistance.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks passed. I was surprised at how fast. I was extremely wary of Chloe being around – I tried to get Amy to come to me, but she was not impressed with my apartment and kept trying to get me to hers. We went on a lot of dates, but never seemed to end up having sex.

Eventually, I just got tired of it and challenged her directly on it. "So, are done sexually? What's the story here?"

Amy sighed, put down her coffee – we were at Starbucks at the time – and said, "I don't have any problem. You are just never around at my place when the moment is there."

"You know why. Can't we go to my place?"

"No, I think not. You need to get over this. And she needs to get used the idea of you getting it on with someone else I think. She needs to move on too. She's not going to do that mooning over you."

Once we had that conversation, I tried to be at Amy's more. I saw more of Chloe, although she always seemed to be either on her way out as I was coming in, or on her way in as I was leaving. We had lots of awkward moments, but gently, slowly, we had some tender ones too. She tried not to get in Amy's ways and I could slowly see the old Chloe come back to life. She started working out, she started dressing better and eating better – it was like watching time lapse photography of a flower emerging again.

We had coffee together sometimes, and when we did, I found myself relaxing around her – like I'd made a conscious choice to not think of her that way anymore, just as a good friend who I had a lot of history with. When she shared with me – tentatively – the only two dates she'd had since I left – at Wendy and Kathy's insistence, and in both cases, set up by them, I sat and listened and laughed with her about the results, and how the guys had been total nut jobs. It was a funny story – never once was it about some guy sniffing around my wife. I remember thinking afterwards that I'd come a long way to be able to view it that way, naturally, without having to force myself to remember that she was an Ex and what she did with other people was up to her - that I'd removed myself from that decision making.

The only awkward moment – well, sort of awkward –was when she put her hand on mine, after telling me the stories and said, "You know why those dates were a disaster right?" I had a glib response about nerds not sharing enough data amongst themselves which I never got to deliver because Chloe followed up with, "Because they weren't you. And they were never going to be you. Those dates just reinforced the fact that I only wanted you. I just can't seem to move forward."

Another time, where we had lunch, I shared with her my excitement at a new mobile app I was developing. I'd be approached – recommended in fact – by another university based think tank that had gotten a grant to research crowdsourcing. They were using part of the grant to build a mobile app that would pose questions, daily, and see what results they got from those who had the app installed. Each day there was a $1000 winner's bonus, to encourage people responding. The idea was to track and figure out both how effective crowd source research actually was and also to calibrate what the general public would respond to in terms questions asked and reward promised. Was $1000 too little to find out what color panties Angelina Jolie was wearing that day, or would everyone have a go?

She found it fascinating – as she did a lot of my projects – and offered a few tips and thoughts. It was honestly like old times, and it was only when I got up to leave that I realized that no, we weren't married anymore and this was not the same. 

I was careful never to be at Amy's – and certainly never having sex – when Chloe was around, but, as usual, life occurred one night and once again, my life was turned upside down.

It was Halloween. Amy had been hinting about us having an outrageous time, and she wasn't wrong. I was told in no uncertain terms that it was not costume optional, and I was told we would be attending a party and that was all. I found that interesting, because in the 4 months we'd been together, I'd not met one friend of hers, and the fact that she had at least one friend who would invite her to a party was intriguing. So I had a good think about what costume to wear and eventually settled on an Indiana Jones outfit, complete with bullwhip and fedora. When I got to Amy's apartment, Chloe was just on her way out. She was dressed to the nines and looked fabulous in a red mini dress that clung in all the right places. I'd never seen it before and was going to ask but the right moment didn't occur. She said she was going to a party, thrown by a nurse she used to know back in Spokane, who had relocated out here. She did look great, and she'd come a hell of a long way from four weeks earlier, when she'd pitched up looking like a disaster. Thinking about how long it had been, I did make a mental note to ask when she'd be returning to work. Being on leave for 4 weeks must be killing her financially, and she'd need to get back to it sometime soon I figured.

But then she left, with a wistful smile back at me, and then Amy came out of her bedroom and my eyes popped out of my head.

She was a school girl. Not just A Schoolgirl, but like every man's fantasy of school girl. She had a wig on – a blond one, in a ponytail. She was heavily made up – red lipstick, eye shadow, the whole nine yards and, with long dangly earrings. She had a tight white blouse on, unbuttoned down to below her bra, which was black and very visible. A basic school tie was loosely knotted around her neck. She was wearing a blue pleated skirt, complete with big shiny safety pin holding the wrap around skirt together. There were stockings, and these were the real deal, complete with garter belt (or for those from back home in the UK, suspenders. I've never understood how there are such diverse and completely different names for those). I know this because she made a big show of bending down in front of me to do something to her 4 inch fuck-me pumps that didn't need doing, and the skirt rose up just enough for me to see her stocking tops and the garters attached to them.

I had an inkling of the way the evening might be going from this – this was all the stuff she knew I loved, from the discussions we had in the past.

She turned around and looked at me and smiled and said, "You like?"

I moved in, put my arms around her and pushed my groin – with its huge erection struggling to get out – into her body and said, "What do you think? Do we actually have to go this party?"

She laughed, pushed me away and said, "What kind of girl do you think I am?"

I laughed too and said, "Well, a damn sexy schoolgirl, I think?"

She tilted her head and looked at me and said, "Wrong. My costume tonight is 'my boyfriend's fantasy'."

I didn't quite know how to respond to that. It was a huge compliment but it was also worrying that she'd tell someone this, and they'd think I was some sort of perv for school girls. She must have read my face because she said immediately, "But don't worry, you are the only person who will know."

The relief must have shown too, because she couldn't help adding, "That you are a pervert with a schoolgirl fetish. Not that I suspect you are alone with that..."

She picked up her bag, took a last look in the mirror and said, "Shall we go?"

We went out to the car and literally, the moment we got out into public, where people were, the stares began. I was both proud and scared at the same time – but fuck it. It was Halloween. This is what it's all about.




Out of Love Ch. 03



We got in her car and as we buckled up, I asked, "So where is this party? Whose is it?"

"It's at a club. Don't worry, its right up your street."

I did worry about what she meant by that, when we pulled into the parking lot of a notorious strip club. She looked at me looking around and said, "Don't worry. It's going to be an educational night, but you are gonna LOVE this."

We arrived at the door, had names checked off a list – something else to ask about later - and went inside and it was a happening place. And to my surprise, it was all couples. There were no single sad looking guys pumping dollar bills into dancing girl's panties. The girls were definitely there and definitely dancing, but it didn't see any solo guys. Amy saw me looking around and saw the question on my face and grabbed my hand, and pulled me close. "Its couples only night tonight. It's a Halloween thing – someone I know basically rents the entire place out once a year, on this night, and invites select couples. The drinks are free, but if you want a private dance, you have to pay for that."

We went to the bar, we ordered drinks and after getting my beer, I just looked around. There was a vibe here - everyone was in costume and most of them were pretty revealing or just sexy. I put down my beer and turned to Amy, who was also checking the place out. "Amy, I'm going to ask you, and I want you to be honest. Is this a sex party?"

She smiled and tilted her head, "Ok, since you ask, no. It's a Halloween party at a strip club. I don't doubt sex happens, but it's not a sex party. No one expects anything of you – but I wouldn't doubt things can happen here if you want them to. Do you want them to, Jace?"

I looked away from her and picked up my drink again and took a sip as I weighed up my own emotional state right then.

"I don't think so – you know my last experience of this kind of scene. The wounds are still fresh. However, I don't think I – we – need to leave. I think we can hang. I don't want to be partying with anyone else, but... ok, we can hang out."

Oh, how we fool ourselves.

Amy smiled, patted my arm and said, "Let's get a seat", and we went to find a booth. We found one, sat down and over the next three hours we had multiple drinks and I was hit on by multiple strippers, as was Amy (in fact, I think she got more than I did) and we had three or four couples come by, sit with us, pass the time of day, watch the dancers and then move on, once it was clear we weren't looking for company of 'that sort', as I mentally categorized it.

After the last couple left, Amy turned to me and did two things. Firstly, she grabbed my hand and pushed it up her skirt, where I discovered that once again, there were no panties – she must have been allergic to them – and that she was dripping wet, and she leaned and said, "I am SO FUCKING HORNY. If you won't have a private dance with any of these girls, I will."

I kept my hand where it was, slowly rubbing her slit under the table, and could feel her tense up as I brushed my fingers over her clit, and I leaned back and said, "You are one nasty slutty girl, aren't you? Which one did you have in mind?"

She gestured to a tall Asian girl, two tables down from us, who was in a red Chinese mini dress. I'd watched that dress come off and on three times that evening when she'd been up at the pole and she was absolutely a vixen. I gestured to her with my free hand and she saw it, excused herself with the people she was currently attempting to get her to dance for her, and came over to our table. When she got there, she sat down, next to Amy, and I hastily removed my hand from under her skirt, since she would have seen it. As it was, I didn't do it either fast enough or subtly enough because the lady looked down, then looked up and gave us a big old knowing smile and said, "I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone else is doing it too. That other table I was at? She had his cock out and was trying to persuade me to go down on him."

I didn't know where to put my face after that, but Amy said with deliberate relish and intent, "You wouldn't?"

The girl looked at Amy and said, "Oh honey, he's decrepit, she's dried up and frankly the idea made me want to throw up in my mouth. I'm not saying I'd never do it, though, just not with them." Then she eyed us and added, "But you two... well, that's a different matter."

"I'm Amy, this is Jace," said Amy, offering her hand to the Chinese girl. 

"I'm Wonton," she said, shaking Amy's hand. "Or that's the stupid name I'm stuck with here, anyway. Won-ton – you know, like Wanton Slut or WonTon soup? The guy that runs this place is a schmuck, but I earn more here than any other dance place in Portland."

Amy laughed lightly. "Yeah, it's funny. I've been in a fair few strip clubs and this one doesn't seem the best run."

Bing bing - more Conversation threads for later. She was racking up the topics.

"You said it, sister," said Wonton, smiling and revealing perfect teeth. "Still, time is money as they say. You guys up for a dance?"

Amy looked over at me – and I still can't quite get over the fact that she just blurted this out – and said, "Actually, I am so wet that actually what I need is a good fuck. What I'd really like is to do that while you dance for us. Can we do that here?"

Wonton smiled again, broader this time, and said, "For a hundred bucks, you can do anything in here. Come with me." She got up and offered her hand to Amy, who took it. They both moved off and I, grabbing both our drinks, got up and followed, wondering at my luck and marveling at how sexy Amy was.

We moved to the back of the club, where there was a corridor with small alcoves off it, guarded by a very large man in a close fitting suit. He nodded at Wonton as she passed and sized me up as I did. The alcoves had no doors, but they did have curtains over them. Most were closed and from the noises we could hear from most of them as we passed, Amy wasn't the first with her idea. We went to the last alcove, and found there was a large couch in it, a small coffee table and that was it. Wonton closed the curtain, then turned to us and said, "Cash in advance I'm afraid. You seem good people but it's just easier to get this out the way first."

I fumbled in my pockets and Amy put her hand on my arm and shook her head. "My treat," she said and produced a single hundred from the depths of her purse. She handed it to Wonton who pushed into a small purse she had around her neck. 

"Right," she smiled, "Now, a dance you say? We won't be disturbed here, so anything you want to do to each other, feel free."

Instantly, Amy was on my pants, unbuckling them and unzipping them and letting my monster of an erection free. You could have buckled girders with what I had right then. Wonton started undulating, and slowly unzipping her dress in the sexiest way possible, maintaining eye contact with me which she did it. Amy went down on me and I sat there, watching a naked woman dance as seductively as possible for me, while my girlfriend blew me in the best possible way. How I didn't cum instantly I have no idea.

This went on for one song and then Amy, coming up for air, said, "I need to be fucked. And I want to watch her. But first..."

Amy got up, smoothed down her skirt, and then just grabbed Wonton and kissed her, hard. I was just astounded. Both at the thought that Amy was so sure of the situation that she could just kiss this naked girl, and no one would get upset and also that my girlfriend was into girls! Wonton, for her part, seemed totally into it. She grabbed Amy, pulled her in close, and carried on the kiss, pushing up Amy's skirt and fondling her naked ass. Amy broke the kiss, needing air I suspect and looked at Wonton and said, "I haven't done that in a while, LOVE kissing a girl." Oh the after dinner conversations we were going to have. She then turned to me and gestured at me to move, and she did so she jumped slightly, closed her eyes and moaned. 

I looked behind her and Wonton was just putting a finger in her mouth. "Tasty," she said. She'd just shoved her finger in Amy's pussy and was licking her juices! Honestly, I could have blown my stack right there and then! This kind of thing did Not Happen To Me.

I looked back at Amy, who looked impatient, and I pushed myself back on the couch. Amy turned around, so her back was to me, pulled up her skirt and positioned herself on my cock, sitting down on it, while facing Wonton. She was so hot and so wet and my cock just slid into her with no friction at all. I could feel how hot she was.

Amy arched her back, moaned and dug her nails into my thighs. "God, I need that," she moaned. Wonton came forward, and put her hands on Amy's shoulders and nuzzled down and kissed Amy's neck, as I just sat there, since I couldn't move – I had Amy's full weight on me. I felt Amy start to tense up and move up and down. She drew up her legs so her feet were planted on either side of my thighs and leaned back, with me basically stuffed completely up inside her. I was completely pinned down, and not able to contribute anything to situation, besides providing the hard cock in the first place. Given that, I craned my head around Amy's shoulders to see what was going on.

Wonton was bending down in front of Amy, she'd unbuttoned her blouse some more and had pulled her tits out of her push up bra and was busy going to town on them. Amy had her head back and was just going with it, slowly but rhythmically bouncing up and down on my cock and I was just getting an eyeful. Wonton then pulled back, looked at Amy and reached out with her hands and grabbed Amy's head on either side, and kissed her again. It was hot as fuck, watching her kiss my girlfriend hard, tongues and all, and Amy get totally into it. Then she pulled back, looked at Amy again and just descended to her knees. She forced my legs apart a bit, so she could get closer in and then dove into Amy's exposed pussy, full of my cock. Her face was right in there, and if I really craned my neck, I could see her tongue flick all over Amy's labia and clit.

Amy, if possible, went even tenser and stopped moving up and down – as much as because she wanted to be sure she gave Wonton static access to her pussy, as because she simply wasn't capable of processing the feelings she was having and move at the same time. She leant back into me and I reached around to pinch her nipples and kiss her neck as Wonton carried on eating her. I could feel Wonton's tongue on the part of the shaft of my cock that protruded from Amy, and it was hot. The whole scene was hot. This went on for about 4 of 5 minutes, with Amy shuddering twice, as she came from what was happening.

Eventually though, Wonton stood up, kissed Amy again – sharing her juices. "Fucking hot" I murmured.

Amy responded "Your turn". 

She turned around, climbed on the small coffee table and presented her ass to Amy. Amy didn't hesitate. She put her legs down on the floor, leaned forward and pushed her face into Wonton's pussy and ass. Like Wonton before her, she went to town on Wontons ass, tongue fucking her pussy AND ass. She was like a demon, eating the hot cunt and ass in front of her. I could see Wonton alternately looking back, closing her eyes, biting her lip and grabbing her tits. It was, folks, one hot show. And all I had to do was sit there.

However, after 10 minutes of this, while it was great, I felt the need to make my presence felt a bit more, plus I was getting a tick in my left thigh which I knew if left unattended would end up a full cramp. So, in a ruthless move, I literally stood up. It tumbled Amy forward a bit and she pushed up, past Wontons ass. She looked back at me, questioningly and I could see how glazed her face was with Wontons pussy juices, especially around the mouth. I smiled at her and said, "My turn now." She understood and moved forward, coming off my dick and standing up. 

Wonton looked over at me, reached out and grabbed my very hard cock and turned to Amy and asked, "With your permission?" – which was a nice touch.

Amy smiled and said, "Help yourself." And with that Wonton just fell on my cock. It was almost as if she inhaled it. There was no subtly, no 'wrapping my cock in her velvet mouth'. It was just a right on hard blow job, and she was VERY into it.

Amy sat down on the couch and arranged herself with her legs spread, pulling up her skirt and fingering her pussy as she watched. She was breathless and intense as she stared at Wonton, going to town on my cock. It was a terrific 5 minutes but, as before, I wanted to be more in on the activity. I gently pulled Wonton off my cock – there was an audible pop as her mouth came off it; that girl could generate some suction – and moved her into a better position. She knelt down on the small coffee table, ass facing back, and then buried her face back into Amy's pussy. Her ass was facing me; the invitation obvious, and I wasted no time taking her up of it. Again though, there was no subtly in the act. I just plunged my cock deep in her pussy and I felt her back arc and the intake of breath as my 8 inches plundered her hella wet cunt. And, honestly, I cannot believe I didn't just blow my load there and then. But I held my cool and pumped away, slow, fast, slow, then rotating my hips, using every trick I knew in fact.

We fucked like this for a good 10 minutes, when Amy leaned forward and gestured to me. I pulled out of Wonton who groaned as I did it, and Amy stood up. Wonton looked up, looked at Amy and understand. Amy wanted to swap positions, and that was cool with me. At some point very soon I was going to blow and I'd far rather do it in my girlfriend that in some random woman, hot as she was. It was a great experience, but I wanted to finish where I thought was right – implied permission or not.

We resumed me fucking Amy and she was half eating Wontons pussy and half just hanging on her leg, eyes closed, enjoying the pounding I was handing out. After about 3 or 4 minutes, I just knew I was going to blow. I could feel it building up. And when I did... it was glorious. The kind of cum that doesn't happen very often – where you are at maximum extension and you can feel every pulse, jetting your hot jizz into the woman's waiting hole. I could feel my own muscles pulsing as they blasted my cum out – and frankly I'm kinda surprised I didn't blow the top of Amy's head off.

I grunted, as I just exploded... and it went on for a full 10-15 seconds... another first for me. But then whole evening was like that.

I literally blew, every muscle clenched and then I just stumbled back.

Amy looked back at me and said, "You ok, Stud?"

I smiled sheepishly at her and said, "Um yeah. Another night at the shack. Ho hum," trying to make light of it. 

Amy muttered, "Yeah, right. Hey Wonton, where are the bathrooms? I gotta clean up before I start dripping..."

Wonton covered her mouth and laughed. "Over here, let me show you. I need to brush my teeth. Nothing like breathing someone else's pussy over the paying customers to make you no money at all!"

Before they left, Amy rooted around in her bag and produced another $100 bill and pressed it on Wonton. "I think you earned this," she said, and Wonton smiled her perfect smile and actually bowed!

I was left alone to pull up my pants, get on my wobbly feet and take our drinks.

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We went home. And I was beat. Elated, but beat. Amy wasn't very talkative, but I put that down to the tremendous fucking she'd got at my hand. Or cock. I knew it wasn't, but a man can dream, right? I was just blowing through life on a dream right then, best I'd felt in months.

And then we got home and I took a look around the apartment – there were crumpled up tissues everywhere – and I knew things weren't great for Chloe. Her car was outside and the guest room door was firmly closed.

I looked at Amy and she looked at me. She suddenly said, "Get me a drink babe? And a beer for you. You need to recover your strength."

I raised my eyebrow at that, but didn't say anything. I got the drinks and we sat down on the couch. She clinked bottles and drained half of hers in one go.

I sipped mine and said, cleverly, "So."

Amy smiled and leaned back. "Have fun tonight?"

"Um..." I said, even more cleverly I thought. 

"Yeah, I thought so," she said. "And what did we learn tonight?"

I thought and then said, "You like girls too? That's pretty awesome by the way."

"Oh, that's nothing. I've lived life Jace. I was thinking more of the fact that you aren't 100% averse to group situations."

My smile suddenly fled and I sat back. Was that was this was? A test of some sort? Amy must have read my face as she added, hastily, "Look, it's just sex Jace. I didn't really plan anything but being there, well, it was kinda primed. Don't be ashamed of yourself. You had fun. You got to do something that many men dream of and very few fulfill. So be pleased with that."

I thought a bit more and nodded. "Ok. I can get behind that. So to speak."

Amy smiled back at me, drained her drink and put the bottle down and then she said, "And now, I'm done. I'm tired, I'm going to go bed and you are going to do something for me now."

I smiled. Here we go. Reason #1 for 'recovering my strength', Round 2! And then Amy delivered the second bomb shell of the night.

"Jace, I want you to go into Chloe's room and fuck her."

I sat there, stunned, bottle on its way to my mouth and went, "What now? You know, that's really weird. I thought I just heard you say you wanted me to fuck Chloe?!"

"Yep," said Amy. "Look around you. She's obviously been out, come back. She's unhappy and she's been crying. That or she's got a massive cold all of a sudden. Amy has made a ton of progress, but she's very unhappy still. And not surprisingly. She sees you here, with me and she wants that. You are doing to her now what she did to you. Only you are prolonging it."

I was extremely uncertain of this. "Amy, this wasn't my doing. I'm sorry she's unhappy but it wasn't me that fucked my friends."

Amy sighed and said, "I know. Her unhappiness is to a certain extent her own doing. But the fact is that she's never going to move on until she gets some token of your forgiveness. You know she's not a malicious person. She fucked up. She made a mistake. She let desires and alcohol get the better of her and to her credit, she knows it and acknowledges it. She's not justifying it; she's not trying to make it your fault. For Christ's sake J, how long does she need to be punished? Get in there and make her understand that YOU understand."

"Yeah, but... sex? I mean, couldn't I buy her a card? Isn't this a bit... much – just to say 'I forgive you'?" I balked.

"J..." said Amy gently, leaning forward and looking in my eyes, "this is the ultimate forgiveness token. Don't you see?"

I did see. But still, this wasn't right. My girlfriend asking me to fuck my ex wife? "What about you? I mean, given what we did this evening, how can you ask me to do this? How are you possible ok with that?"

Amy took both my hands in hers and said, "J, it's only because of what we did today that I am ok with this. I know where you will come when you are done. But she needs this and I see it and I cannot be ok with myself unless I make you get in there and resolve this a bit. No one is asking you to marry her again, just... make her evening less shitty, ok? Now, I'm going to bed. Get your strength and go make her cum."

With that, she got up and went to the bedroom and as she drifted into her room she said, "And keep the noise down and let yourself out when you are done."

I just sat there, incredulous and stunned. The trouble was, I could absolutely follow her logic, but I still couldn't see how this was the right thing to do. Well, I could, but... my head was tied in knots. I sat there for almost 5 minutes just thinking when the choice was taken for me. Chloe's door opened and she darted out towards the kitchen and stopped dead when she saw me sitting on the couch alone.




Out of Love Ch. 03



"Oh J," she said, "I'm sorry..." 

She went to turn and go back in her room when I said, "Chloe...wait."

She was still dressed in her amazing red dress she'd been wearing on her way out, and while she looked great, I could see her puffy eyes and the fact that she'd been crying.

She stopped and turned and just looked at me, questioningly. 

"How was your evening?" I said, chickening out.

"Oh," she said, looking down with a very sad smile, "Awful. I spent the night beating off guys, and a few girls too. I just wasn't in a partying mood. Someone pinched my ass and when I slapped him, his drink went everywhere and I just had to leave. How was your evening?"

Discretion was definitely the better part of valor here, so I said, "Oh, it had its moments. Look, can you, sit down here with me for a minute?"

She looked doubtful but said, "Sure" and complied, sitting where Amy had a few minutes earlier.

"I think... I think we need to talk," I said. She just looked at me, and I plunged on. "Look... I know I was angry. You can understand why. I said some things and used some words... I'm sorry. I think we need to clear some air. I understand you fucked up. I understand that you didn't mean it. You don't have a malicious bone in your body. I know I've made you suffer and god knows how it's been for you here, watching me and Amy. I just....I just need you to know, I'm ok now. I'm not 100% with what happened – I doubt I will ever be – but... I don't hold it against you anymore. I just need you to know – we are ok. I don't want you to hurt."

Chloe sat there, staring at me. I could see the onset – first her lip moved, then her eyes watered and then she just burst into tears. She just sat there, crying and dabbing at her eyes and I just sat there like an idiot, not knowing what the right thing to do was. After a few seconds, I just grabbed her and hugged her. She buried her face in my shoulder and just cried and cried, shaking in my arms. I held on and was content just to sit there until she was done.

After a few minutes, she slowed the deep howls to just some sobs and eventually lifted her head off my shoulder and looked at me, sniffed and said, "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that."

I bit my lip and then said, "I'm sorry it took me so long. To be clear, I'm still not ok, but I'm not angry any more, at least not with you. I just..."

She just lunged in and kissed me. I didn't stand a chance or see it coming. Big old pontificating me, trying to be magnanimous and pompous and she just went straight in for the kill.

I loved it, kissed her right back and then suddenly realized what I was doing. I literally grabbed her and pulled her away. "Um, look that was nice and all, but I'm with someone else now..."

She looked back and me and with a very fierce expression on her face said, "If I want to kiss my husband, no one is going to tell me no." I looked at her and the Chloe I knew before the Montana Event looked right back at me.

"Um... ex...?" I said, in a whole inappropriate and very stupid attempt to lighten the mood. She drew back. 

I didn't sign anything that said that." She said, matter of factly. I opened my mouth and then shut it again as I realize that, no, she hadn't. I'd just never followed up on it. "Technically, you are cheating on me right now," she added.

Again, I opened my mouth to say something and nothing came out, and I shut it again. Her logic was right. It was all wrong of course, but it was also right and it was late and I was tired and I had no idea what I was doing, so I kissed her again. It seemed the thing to do.

And she got into it. Big time. She literally climbed on me and pushed me back. Somehow, while we were making out, she got my pants undone. I swear these women get taught this at school – I can't get a bra off without pliers, a flash light and a fish gutting knife, and yet these women all seem to be able to undo pants just by a flick of their wrists and telekinesis. Not that I was complaining loudly – but it was something that crossed my mind. As did the dress.

I pushed her back long enough to ask, "Where did you get the dress?" 

She answered breathlessly, "I borrowed it from Kathy", which opened a fresh set of questions in my mind as to when she'd seen her last, how much they knew about what was going on and oh my god, did she have my dick in her hand?

She was breathing hard, and she looked me right in the eye as she lowered herself on to my cock, mouth first. She never broke eye contact as her tongue flicked over my cock head, which, frankly, I felt was rising magnificently to the occasion, given the demands placed upon it this evening. And then it was in her mouth and I suddenly realized that it had been in two different women tonight, and I hadn't washed it at all. Chloe realized too.

She took her mouth off it and said "Hmmm. Funky. 'Moments' eh? That kind of night?" And to my utter shock and surprise then said in her best Paris Hilton voice, "That's hot," and went down on it some more. She went to town on my dick – which honestly was getting a touch sensitive by now – for another 5 minutes, then came up for breath and said, "My room. Now. And bring this with you," as she pinged my cock.

She got up and hustled into her room, and I followed behind, hopping out of my pants since waddling along with them round my ankles was inelegant. When I got into her room, she was already on the bed, laying back, legs spread wide. For a change, someone was actually wearing panties. They were small, insignificant, but at this point, it was a major change for me for someone to actually be wearing them. Of course she had a hand plunged down in them and was licking her lips dirtily at me – this was another new side to Chloe coming out but I've given up keeping track at this point. My life over the last few weeks had been so out of my control, I was just hanging on and trying not to be thrown out of the ride. I just stood and watched as she fingered herself, and then – and I couldn't quite believe this either – she pulled her hand out of her panties and licked them! She saw me staring and said, "Here, want a taste?"

I didn't need to be asked again, and went straight to the source. I literally jumped on her bed and positioned myself with my face down in her pussy. As I did so, I just ripped the panties from her. They were small. It was easy. I'm a man. What do you expect?

I noticed in passing that she was still shaved and again, idly wondered why or who for.

I spent the next 15 minutes just eating her – nothing else, just eating her. It was great – like old times and she was awesome and I'm pretty sure she came, although I couldn't see The Cum Face because I was nose deep and just didn't want to stop. In the end she literally had to say, "Please... Stop. I can't take any more." I moved my face and looked up at her and could feel how covered I was in her juices.

"If you don't fuck me right now, I'm going to cut it off and keep it," she said, smiling at me.

Again, no repeat invitation was necessary. There wasn't much subtlety in how we had sex that night, but it also wasn't all hard thrusting and wild animal sex either. I wouldn't say it was pure making love and all tenderness, but it wasn't animal passion either. It might have been, had I not already performed once that day, and in that manner, but it just wasn't right to have done that. It was missionary, and she kissed me repeatedly, and stared into my eyes the whole time. I honestly would have given a lot to know what was going through her mind. We just... did it. And it was great. It was comfortable, it was lovely, and it was right. I wasn't ready to make love to Chloe yet, but I wasn't going to use her for my own jollies either. It's hard to explain – when I came, which took a while it has to be said, she panted, "Do it, lover, cum for me. I need this. Cum for me." Which, again, wasn't something she would have normally said, but then we were both so far from normal now, I didn't know why I was wondering about it.

When I was done, and spent, and attempted to get off and she wouldn't have it. She wrapped her legs around me and held me, so my softening dick was still in her, as much as it could be. "Oh no, you aren't going anywhere yet, my man," she said. And I, the wuss that I was, stayed there. It was oh so comfortable in her arms. We both just lay there – her running her hand across my shaved palate and me with my head on her breasts, listening to her heart beat.

We must have stayed like that for half an hour and I could feel myself drifting off, and I decided I really did need to get out. It had been a hell of a day and I had all sorts of emotions drifting through me and I needed to sort through them. I gently disengaged myself from Chloe, who by now was very gently snoring, got up off the bed and grabbed whatever clothes I could find and let myself out of the apartment.

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So that happened. I remember thinking the next day how lucky I was, then soberly remembering why I was in this situation, and while it was great and all, I'd rather have had an intact marriage...

I had lunch with Amy the next day and I honestly couldn't meet her eyes, while she was vastly amused by my discomfort. "Cat got your tongue?" she said, playfully while sipping soup at our favorite Chinese restaurant. "Or is it shaved pussy that has it?" 

She knew Chloe was shaved? How did she know that? Did these girls share everything? Obviously not underwear, since no one seemed to be wearing that any more. I worried for the kids in Pakistan who were making this stuff. Obviously the bottom had dropped out of the market, pun intended.

"Look J – I'm not deaf. I know you did what I asked. I'm ok, alright? We are here, having lunch and it's ok. I know it's weird, but you did her a favor. You gave her release and absolution. I have no idea where she goes from here – she can't stay with me much longer I don't think, because it's time for me to reassert my rights here – can't have her getting uppity - but right now, this was the right thing to do."

I couldn't really say anything. I could hear her words, and in lots of ways I knew she was right, but it just wasn't who I was. I felt like I'd cheated on my wife with a girlfriend, not the other way around. It wasn't right, it's not who I thought I was and I was, frankly, more than a bit ashamed and guilty.

Amy murmured something else about it being just fine, and she hoped Chloe had got what she needed and I suddenly snapped. I slapped my fist on the table and said, "Amy, I think you are awesome, but can you please just shut the fuck up for a second? This is not about you. I'm sure you are fine with it. I have no idea how, but yeah, I got that you are ok. This is about me. This is about who I thought I was and the limits I had. And I feel pretty much just crossed them and I'm not wildly fucking thrilled about it, ok? So while it might all be fine for you, it's not so fine for me."

Amy recoiled and I could see a bunch of things cross her face, the most disquieting of which was calculation. She took a breath and said, "Yes, of course, I'm sorry. I've been quite focused on Chloe since you are pretty much there now and it's not fair. My expectations and personal point of view are not yours and I've been neglecting your emotional self."

Now, this sounded terribly therapisty to me, and I had to challenge one statement, "Not 'there' yet? What does that mean? Is there a 'there' to be?" I asked.

She considered her reply and said simply, "'There' is the place you are at where we can do what we did last night and then you could do what I asked of you later. You are there because you were capable of doing it. The fact that you are questioning it now just goes to prove that you are as much of a decent man as I had believed you to be. Its ok – you can forgive yourself – I actively pushed you into this and there is no resentment on my part. Chloe needed it and you know it. So give yourself a break – you are just being the knight again and frankly, it makes a refreshing change from most of the guys I've met."

It was a nice answer and obviously just the right thing for her to say – yet again - and it tickled my ego but I also knew there was more to this. I just didn't feel like right there and then was the time to go into it.

Shame really. It would have been enlightening, and given the events that followed the next week, would probably have given me some warning that my life was about to change rather dramatically yet again. And out of my control, yet again.

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Three days later, Amy and I were having dinner when she mentioned she had to go upstate, to a phD graduation. She'd been the main researcher for this candidate and he was having a private dinner at a hotel in Seattle to thank his staff since he'd just been awarded his doctorate. I did idly ask what it was in and I swear she said Klingon and Parapsychology, or something like that. I honestly wasn't listening that much. She then said she'd want to stay overnight since it was two hours north and she would probably be drinking – did I mind? 

My mind was full of the app I was working on and I waved it off. "Sure babe. Go, have fun, let your hair down. I'll take Chloe to the movies or something." 

Amy said, "I'll text you where I am, if you need me." And that was that.

Three days went by – I ran into Chloe twice and it was awkward but nice awkward, where you are both trying to be on your best behavior but laughing and giggling at everything. She mentioned stopping by that night and us going out somewhere and I said "Sure, I'll drop by around 7."

And I did. And what was waiting for me was... unexpected. I had thought we might go and catch the latest Tom Cruise movie, but what greeted my eyes when I got through the door put that right out of my mind.

Chloe was sitting on the couch, wearing white lingerie. I mean the whole Fredericks of Hollywood get up – white lace robe, a white corset, white diamante choker, long earrings, white stockings and 5 inch heels. Fabulously made up and hair done – she could honestly have been a Fredericks model. And while that was wow enough, sitting next to her, in the exact same outfit, only in black, was Wendy.

They were both shipping champagne and there was an extra glass on the coffee table in front of them.

I simply stopped and gazed. Chloe smiled at me, as did Wendy who coolly said, "Hello J. You are looking well."

I opened my mouth, closed it again, opened it again and said, "Hello Wendy. So are you. Obviously. Chloe... ummm?"

Chloe put down her drink and said "Its ok, J. Amy said it was fine. Not that I care that much but still, I asked first. I didn't want to put you in an awkward spot."

I answered, "What spot? What, exactly, is going on here? I mean, obviously you are... well..." I gestured to them both.

Wendy smiled and took another sip of champagne. Chloe looked at me and smiled and said "Well... the whole plan that night was that you were supposed to get all three of us. You never did. You never got anything out of that night and we all agreed that it wasn't fair."

I raised an eyebrow – something I can never do on cue, but can, apparently do it when it's necessary.

"It's true," said Wendy, putting down her drink on the table. "Mark knows I am here. He is positively happy about it – he's hoping it might go some way to repairing some of the damage. We didn't think you could handle Kathy too, at least...not altogether. That's another night. So... what do you think soldier?" She smiled at me and licked her lips.

I stood and thought for a moment and stammered, "I think... I think I need to talk to Amy. There is too much going on recently and I'm being led down paths I'm not entirely happy with. Ladies, I think this is awesome and I thank you, but I need you to sit tight for a couple of hours. I have to go see a man about a horse. I just can't.... jump in right now."

Chloe put down her drink and went to stand up; her eyes went a bit wider and I could see she thought she'd miscalculated – the worry hitting her. "J... please, we were just trying to make you happy."

I looked at her and said "I know. But I have to be the man I have to be. I can't just jump in here – and to be honest, I'm getting a little tired of decisions being made for me. It's been happening a lot lately and I'm not ok with that. I have to go talk to Amy because this needs to be discussed face to face. This is wonderful – don't get me wrong - but it's not right, at least as I see it. This is going too far, and I need to get clarity on where Amy's head is. Look, I'll be back. DON'T LEAVE." I said that glancing at Wendy and drinking in the sight of her in lingerie like this – you didn't get to see that every day. I did contemplate pulling out my phone and getting a picture, but that would have been going too far too. I looked back at Chloe and said, "Got that? I'll be back."

And with that, I left. Hard thing to do in the moment but I left absolutely convinced it was the right thing to do. And it was, but not for the reasons I had thought.

Seattle was 2 hours away the way everyone else drove. I did it in one hour and 25 minutes. Love that mustang. I had called Amy and got no answer – I left messages and called repeatedly and used my phones maps to navigate to the hotel she'd texted me earlier that she was staying at.

When I got there, I jumped out of the car and rushed in. I realized I didn't have her room number and rushed up to the desk and asked, "Ms Halsip?"

"May I ask who is asking sir? I generally need to call this through," the desk clerk said. 

I replied, "I'm a strip a gram. Nerds Uncloven. It's a hobbit thing. You know these phD's." I improvised, hoping he knew of the phD celebration there. He did appear too. 

He looked me up and down and said, "I hope you have a costume?"

"In the car," I said. 

He stopped, put a finger to his lips, tilted his head and then said, "Hmm... how much do you charge? I might have some other business for you later."

I opened my mouth, didn't trust myself to respond to that and then just said, "Maybe! But right now.., room number? I have to catch her before she goes to this event."

"Oh right," he said, shaking his head. He consulted his computer and said, "Room 343, on the third floor. Elevators are that way."

I smiled thanks and just walked to the elevators. He was obviously going to realize that I hadn't gone to the car for any costume but fuck that. I had business to attend to and I had what I needed now.

I was outside 343 almost immediately, and I knocked on the door. I heard Amy's voice saying, "just a moment," and the door opened and there she was.

Also in lingerie. It was obviously Fredericks Day and I hadn't been paying attention. "J!" she said, obviously shocked to see me.

"What are you doing here?" she continued, not opening the door very much. 

"Amy," I started, "did you...." 

I didn't get any further when I heard a male voice from inside the room say, "Is that the drinks we ordered? I'm dying of thirst here." 

The door opened a little wider and there, behind her, was my worst nightmare. A tall version of Jim – blond, sun kissed, body like a Greek god. I could tell because all he was wearing was a robe, and barely at that. The shaved chest was clearly visible.

I just stood there. I looked at him and at back at Amy. She took a breath, looked pained and said, "Fuck. Look, I'm sorry Jace. I didn't really plan on you finding out like this."

"No obviously not," I said, with the same ice in my veins I'd have 7 months ago, my heart just crashing, same as it did then. She could see it on my face but what she said next just blew me down even further.




Out of Love Ch. 03



"Look, what, did you imagine we were forever Jace? It's been great and I've had a hell of a lot of fun, but I think we've done all there is to do in this relationship. We are on the last hole now of the 18 and it's time to wrap it up. You need to get back to Portland and if you want to talk, we can do it in a few days, when you've had time to process this. Go find Chloe and cry with her if you need to. She can help."

And with that, she literally just shut the door in my face.



Out of Love Ch. 04



Authors note – thanks to Darkniciad for editorial assistance. This wouldn't have been published otherwise.






I sat in my car, driving back to Portland. There was music on but I don't know what it was. There were so many emotions and thoughts and strange idea's running through my head and I didn't even begin to know where to start sorting it. I was concentrating on the fact that there were two extremely hot women sitting in Amy's apartment who wanted nothing more than to make me happy, one of whom was my wife. I added another 5 miles an hour to my speed and then eased off again. I honestly shouldn't have been driving at all, now I look back on it, but I was too far-gone to even comprehend that at the time.

My mind wandered over the events of the evening, and the events of the past 7 months and I just couldn't fit them together. Amy had been perfect for me. Sure, I didn't expect it to last forever either; I had no idea where the relationship was going, or if it was even moving. I didn't really know what she expected to get out of it, or, indeed, what I had. But to end like this? That was just...cruel. She'd done so much to pick me up from the mess I was and build me up again, and then to just dump me like this? Out of the blue? That way?

I had to wipe my eyes a bit and pulled over for a bit, and I don't mind admitting, I cried. I cried for me. For how I felt. For how I had been treated. For being betrayed again. I was starting to believe it must be me – something I was doing that drove women to fuck other men. After 10 minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I pulled back on the road. I was being a pussy and I needed to be more of a man.

Amy had been perfect for me though. She'd even helped Chloe. She'd done such a good job that I could even contemplate life without her without completely breaking down like I had when I ran from Chloe. I mean, what are the chances of meeting exactly who and what you needed when you needed it? How lucky can one guy get, even given the circumstances?

And then a thought occurred to me. An outrageous thought, that couldn't possibly be true and I was mad at myself for even considering.

The trouble was, the more I considered it, the more I looked at it, the more I couldn't actually knock it down. It explained a lot, made sense of a few things that I had questioned and frankly, was so bizarre, I could believe it. Of course, I had no proof it was true. But as I sat there driving, I realized several things. I had to look into this outrageous idea. I had to either prove or disprove it. I couldn't go back and play with Chloe and Wendy, but I would have to talk to them. And I was focused and not as hugely upset as I had been two minutes before. If I was even 25% right, there was little point in being upset about anything that had happened that night. If I was wrong, well, there was plenty of time to be devastated later.

I arrived back at Amy's apartment – one hour and 23 minutes; I have a sickness – and walked in. The girls were still there but by now they were in sweats, sitting on the couch and watching some chick flick. They both looked up at me as I walked in and Chloe rose a bit off the couch, hovering.

"You're back!" said Wendy, un-necessarily.

Now, I needed to do this right, because reactions here could be very revealing. So I deadpanned it as best I could, which wasn't a lot. I said, in as flat a voice as I could muster, "Amy and I are no long together. I was informed in way that was, frankly, pretty much the same as I was in Montana. I need some time here – honestly as much as I would love this, I don't think I can right now. My head is a mess and I just need to go."

I watched both girls carefully – I caught the flicking look from Wendy to Chloe, which wasn't hard to decipher – 'Here's your chance girl.' And I saw Chloe stand with her hand on her mouth, eyes wide.

I saw the genuine concern there as she said, "Oh my god J. Please, no, not again. You don't deserve this."

She was right. I didn't. A sudden burst of bitterness welled up in me. "It appears I am the problem here. Twice in a year. You do the math."

Chloe didn't know what to do – she reached out, not that she could reach me from there, but hesitated from leaving the couch. I could see she was conflicted. She wanted to claim what she thought was hers, but she also saw me in pain and wanted to just comfort me. And she still wasn't sure enough of our relationship to know what the best thing to do was.

I looked back at Wendy, and she was alternating her gaze between me and Chloe, like a tennis match. I couldn't read anything in her face that was obvious, but it was apparent that she knew she was present at something she probably shouldn't have been.

"Look, I need to go. Chloe, honestly, if I were you, I'd pack up your shit and go back to Spokane right now. Amy had already said to me that she thinks it's probably time for you to go – I don't think sticking around is a good idea.'

Chloe's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Oh I'll be gone. We'll 'tidy up' before we leave, right Wendy? It'll be something nice for the cheating bitch to come back to."

I didn't point out that three days ago, that shoe has been on the other foot because, frankly, it was just nice to see someone on my side for a change.

"Look, I'll be in touch... Wendy, it was nice to see you." 

I nodded at Wendy and she nodded back and said, "Come see us J. Please. We miss you so much." 

I nodded again, looked again at Chloe, who said, "J... talk to me. Don't be alone. Come find me."

I nodded at her too and said, "I'll be back very soon, I promise. I just need to get myself together again."

I gave them a tight smile and said, "Don't worry. I won't vanish again. Not this time. I just need some time..."

I turned, put down the key to Amy's apartment on the kitchen table and left the apartment forever, without looking back.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I spent the next two weeks working feverishly – both on my proper work and also on my personal project. I made no headway at all to begin with, until I had a brain wave, put something in place and sat back and waited for the results. Within 24 hours I had an answer and it wasn't looking good. Within 5 days I had more answers. Within 10, all my worst fears were confirmed. I remember snapping shut my laptop, staring into the distance at the hipster coffee shop where I was working and just sitting there, shaking. So much was explained. I got another cup of coffee, spilled most of it because my hands were shaking, and then had by another one and apologize profusely the barista for making a mess. I sure didn't make any friends there that day.

As I sat down again, I realized that there were two things to do. Work out how I felt about the whole situation – Amy, Chloe and so on. And work out what I was going to do about it. Easy. I could knock that off before lunch, I decided.

As it was, it took me several days, but I decided I had to hit this head on. I made my decision and I was now set. Now it was time to get the players together, so I could finally bring some closure to this messy part of my life.

I called Chloe, and asked her if she minded me dropping by in Spokane. She'd gone back there and we'd been in contact every day by text. She was concerned and kept telling me if I didn't go back and see her, she'd turn up here again. And this time she'd stay with me. I had been holding her at arms length, using every excuse I could think of, but now it was time. Time to face some music and perhaps, hear a fat lady sing.

I asked her if she could make sure that Jim and Kathy and Mark and Wendy would be there too. I could tell she was uncertain, but desperately hoping this was the start of some reconciliation. She did ask a little anxiously, "You aren't going to break anyone's arms or faces are you? I don't want more blood in the carpet to clean out."

I laughed and said, "No, I just need to see those guys. I've not spoke to Jim since that night, or Kathy, and there's some air clearing I need to do with Mark and Wendy too. Don't worry – there won't even be any raised voices."

She said, uncertainly, "Well, if you are sure, then yeah, I'm sure they would LOVE to see you. Tomorrow night?"

I said, "Can we make it three days? There is one more thing I need to do."

"Sure," she replied. "I cannot wait. Please tell me you'll stay."

"We'll see," I said, "Lets not get ahead of ourselves."

The disappointment in her voice was palpable, but she understood. "See you soon lover. Cannot wait."

I had one more thing to do that night, and got it done in moments. Then it was just time to wait.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three days later, I was in Spokane. Nothing much hand changed, except the season. I was in the corner bar, having one beer (no more!) and going over things in my head. I had a lot to say tonight and I wanted to be sure I covered it all and got it all right. I knew certain facts, had worked out and deduced others and some were plain guess work – I needed to be sure I knew which were which.

I downed the last of my beer and turned to leave and saw Sam standing behind me. "Oh man, back again J! Want that beer?"

I laughed and said, "Sam, I would love to but I need to go see Chloe. Once I am done, we are definitely having that beer. And I'll even let you buy it." I clapped him on the shoulders and walked out.

As I drove up to my old house, I could see that Jim's red Ford Explorer was outside. He was early, but then he would be, I would thought.

I went up to the front door and rang the doorbell to my own house – a very strange experience. The door opened and Chloe stood there, smiling at me. She looked awesome. Nice blouse, well tailored jeans, hair done, minimal but well done makeup, the whole deal.

"C'mon on in you idiot. You don't need to use the doorbell. This is your house too." In way it was – I had been supplementing her for the past two weeks, and I felt ok with myself doing so.

I walked in to the living room and found Jim and Kathy sitting on the couch, Mark and Wendy sitting at the living room table and Chloe had taken the side chair. Everyone stood up and there was an intake of breath. Kathy was holding Jim's hand and Wendy reached out to Mark. No one said anything; they just stood there looking at me.

I looked at all of them. At the concern on their faces. They so obviously wanted me to be ok with this, with them, to return things to they way they had been. There was an elephant in the room and no one knew what to say about it.

I knew what I had to say, but now was not the time. Not yet. The party wasn't complete yet.

"Hey. I think I need a beer too?" I said to Chloe. Everyone else had one, so what the hell. Chloe bustled off to get a beer and I just stood there.

Eventually Kathy said coolly, "You look good J." 

I smiled back at her and said, "You too Kathy." 

I wasn't going to make this easy but I wasn't going to be rude either.

Chloe came back with the beer and every one sat down again. Jim fiddled with his beer and said, "How's Portland? Does it really rain there more than here?"

I laughed and said, "How the hell would I know? You know I work inside. Most of the time I barely see a window. Remember my tan?"

Everyone tittered nervously – my lack of tan was legendary, and everyone always worried about my bald dome getting burnt the moment the sun came out. But it was a moment. There was a palpable lessening of the tension. I wouldn't say everyone relaxed, but the feeling of impending violence and the worry of my immediate reactions lessened considerably.

I sat down in another of the table chairs and looked at my beer. "Stella! Awesome. Thanks Chloe." She smiled at me. She'd started to pick up on the fact that I was self possessed and obviously ok with myself and I had something to say and she was now starting to wonder what it was.

"Look, " I said, "there are obviously quite a lot things I need to say. I have some questions to ask and some thing I need to know, but that can..." as I said it, the doorbell rang.

Chloe went to get up and I sprang up first. "Let me get that. I'm expecting them." I said. As I left the room, everyone looked at each with a wondering expression.

I went to the door and opened it, and there was Amy. Right on time. She was dressed in a conservative skirt suit, and her hair was up. There was no makeup and she was obviously taken aback at me answering the door. But with all things Amy, she kept her cool and did a fantastic job of hiding her surprise. "Hello J," she said after a beat, "I didn't expect to see you here." 

I could see the cogs whirring in her head and I smiled at her. "Well, I am here. I'm sure you can draw conclusions from that. Please come in." I could see her hesitate, deciding if she wanted to go into a strange house with me - for reasons beyond the obvious - but she stepped in any way.

I was glad because if she'd left, I had no way of keeping her here, and she needed to be here for this. In lots of ways, this was all about her. "Come on in, meet the gang, " I said, "I've talked enough about them."

She went into the living room and looked around. Mark and Wendy got to their feet and gazed at her. Wendy had a large intake of breath and so did Kathy. The final nail.

"Guys, I'd like you to meet Amy Halsip. I'm sure the private dick you hired told you all about her." I said. Amy nodded at everyone and then looked questioningly at me.

"Actually, you know what? I have no idea why I am introducing you to her," I said, as I dropped back into my chair and picked up my beer, examining it. "You guys all know each other anyway. Right, Doctor Ingram?"

Amy, to give her her due, didn't jump. She must have known this was coming the moment she saw me at the door. She also didn't meet my eyes either though. She turned to Chloe and said "Chloe, would you be a dear and put the kettle on for some tea? I think I could use some."

I knew playing for time when I saw it and I said, "Sit down Doctor. Lets get cozy and chat."

Finally she looked at me and I could see, for once, her just not knowing what to say. There was a dangerous edge to my voice and everyone could hear it. Mark and Wendy just looked at each other, fright in their eyes. Jim and Kathy held onto each others hands for dear life and studiously avoided looking at anyone else. Chloe made tea making noises in the kitchen and then came out with a cup for Amy and handed it to her.

"Right," she said, "Enough. This is bullshit. Explain yourself please." She sat down and folded her arms and glared at me.

I looked long and hard at her, looking into her eyes. Then I spoke.

"Mark and Jim. I have a few questions and one thing I need to know, and I need you to be honest about it."

"What...whatever you need J," said Mark, with a small tremor. 

"Yeah," added Jim. "If you know about her," he nodded at Amy/Jessica, "then there's no point is us lying. We'll give you the whole truth. Right?" 

Everyone else nodded. I did actually trust him at this point. There was little point in them lying and if I caught them, it all would have ended instantly, and they had no idea what I knew or what I didn't know. If they really were contrite, they'd answer me everything I wanted to know.

"Question one. How much did she cost? I mean really?" I gestured to Amy, who was sitting motionless. "Her services have got to be astronomical?"

Jim gulped and said, quietly, "Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars."

There was a stunned silence in the room, while Amy sipped her tea. Even I was speechless. 

"Jesus wept," I said. "That's what a night with my wife was worth?" 

I couldn't help that – it just came out. On reflection it wasn't fair but some of the old bitterness was surfacing.

Jim was stung. All four of them were. "That's not at all what it was J. We were trying to repair the damage. That's what a friendship is worth. And more."

I didn't reply, instead turning to Amy – Doctor Ingram. "So Doctor Ingram. Can I call you Jessica? I would hope so, bearing in mind some of the things we've done together."

Amy / Jessica turned to me. She looked at me calmly and said, "You aren't going to be violent J. I know that. I'm....sorry. For everything. It was necessary. You needed it and I gave it. We... I... Well, the profile didn't cover as much as I would have liked it to. I..."

I just gazed at her. Eventually I said, "Do you have any idea how hard you are to find Jessica? You have no web presence. No one talks about your group. There's virtually no mention of you on forums. People just have to know you exist. I couldn't find hide nor hair of you, you know? Do you have someone looking for this stuff and removing it? I would imagine you do, to be that clean in terms of digital presence?"

She hesitated and then said "J, I would honestly be very interested in finding out how you found me. My group is very good at covering their tracks."

I laughed a gruff laugh came out more of a bark. "Oh I don't doubt it. I did find that Amy Halsip - the Amy Halsip you pretended to be – died when she was 18. I think you intended me to find that. I think the whole 'mystery background' thing was designed to entice me in, right?"

Amy/Jessica did smile back at me "Your profile did lean that way, yes."

I leaned back. "I'll bet it did," I said, "especially if this lot were giving it to you," gesturing at Mark and the group.

"So, all the secrets come out now eh guys? Shall I go through it for you? You can correct me on anything I get wrong?"

Everyone just stared at me with their best poker faces on. I took at another swig of beer and looked hard at Chloe, trying to read her, before I started in.

"So that day in Montana, you guys have been boozing all day, getting high and generally flirting and teasing each other. After the events of the night before, you guys thought I was on course to be in a sharing situation and you'd been priming yourself for it all day, right?" I looked at everyone and no one would meet my eye. Point made.

"Now you, Jim, Kathy and Mark, Wendy are priming this, because you've done this before, haven't you? This wasn't your first time up to dance, was it?"

Eventually Wendy met my eyes and said, "Yes. How did you know?"

"When I went upstairs to get my keys, I saw you and Mark with Kathy. Wendy, you are lovely, but you are the ultimate wasp. You aren't about to have Kathy here eat your pussy while your husband fucks her just because you got high. You'd done it before. No one was telling anyone anything or asking. There was experience there. One glance and I could tell."

Kathy bit her lip and Jim looked over at her.

"So the question for me was, was Chloe in on this at all? Had she played with you before?" I looked over at Chloe who gazed back at me with no indicators on her face. "Honestly though, I'm choosing to believe she hasn't, because if I do believe she had, we are 100% done. I think that you girls spent the day talking about it, making suggestions and generally pushing her in that direction though, am I right?"

Chloe then bit her lip too, but didn't look away.

Kathy spoke up, "Yes, we'd done it before. No, we hadn't included Chloe. Or you. She knew about it though. She's a smart girl and she picked up on it weeks ago. We wanted to get you guys in, but we didn't know how. You are a pretty straight guy J. We love you but we didn't know how you'd react if we just blurted it out. The whole weekend was designed to get us to that point, to see how receptive you and Chloe would be."

I nodded. "I figured. I don't understand why I was sent to chop the tree though. If you were trying to get me in the mood, why not get me slowly plastered during the day?"




Out of Love Ch. 04



"Because, well, we just wanted to get high. It was nothing more than that. Given your reaction to the night before, we figured you were on board already. It wouldn't be a problem. The girls were already talking about how much they wanted to take you for a spin, based on what Chloe had told them about how good you were," said Mark.

"So I come back, I'm tired and grumpy, I have a bath, you ply me drinks and then I just pass out in the middle of sex position charades. Wow, that must have put a crimp in your plans huh? Or not."

There was silence for a moment and then Jim said, "We'd been building up to it all day. We only had one more day there, and....we fucked up. The booze was too much. We tried to wake you but you were just out. We rationalized it that we'd party and you'd get all the girls to yourself later, to make it up to you. You'd be ok with it."

"Ah yes, the sloppy seconds defense," I said. Everyone looked away except Wendy who said, "No, it wasn't like that J. We were going to make your fantasies come true. Even Chloe wanted that."

I said, in a tight voice, "Wendy, whatever you thought it was, whatever fantasies you thought you were fulfilling, it would have been sloppy seconds to me. And no amount of other women being pushed on me makes up for my wife breaking her wedding vows to me, on an assumption that no one had thought through."

There was silence after that – there was no possible response to that and everyone knew it. After a beat I carried on. 

"So you carried on playing charades, got into the duo thing, clothes must have come off and it just kicked off. With the idiot over here sleeping on the couch right in front of you."

More silence. More gaze avoidance.

"And then I woke up, and saw what I saw. I left, in a daze. After I had gone, you guys eventually realized I was gone. Chloe here falls into a panic and you all suddenly realize that I must have woken up, seen something that would affect me, and that I took off. You don't know exactly what it was, but it must have been bad for me to take off, right? So operation 'Find J' commences. Someone brings Chloe home, to the road, and gets to the point where you get a phone signal. She frantically calls, and when she gets home, she finds I'm gone and well, it's not good, yes?"

Everyone looked at everyone else and eventually Mark said, "Pretty much."

Jim added "We looked for you for days. We called the cops, but they had no evidence that anything bad had happened, just that you'd left and there is no law against that. We hired a PI and it took him a couple of days to find you, in Portland."

"Then you came back," picked up Kathy, "and you talked to Chloe."

I nodded. "Yes, I did. I imagine that up till then, you really didn't know my mindset or what I'd seen. And I came back and laid it all out for you. What I'd seen, how it had affected me, and how I was reacting to it. Right?" I directed the last to Chloe. She just nodded, a single tear on her face.

"Once Chloe told us what you'd said, we just.... We were just devastated," said Wendy.

"Not as much as I was, I'll warrant." I couldn't stop myself saying.

"Well, obviously," said Wendy, throwing a four letter stare at me. "We understood right then what we'd done. We did this. Not you, us. We'd fucked up, pushing too hard, too fast, drunk, stupid, the whole thing. We... didn't know what to do. You'd gone. Chloe was alone and frantic. And none of us could blame you. I mean, it was horrible. And we hadn't thought at all."

There was more silence.

"And then we come to Doctor Ingram here," I said, looking at Amy. I shook my head. "This is exactly the kind of stupid harebrained scheme you guys would come up with, wasn't it? Without me there to stop you."

"We couldn't leave it J," said Mark, "We fucked up your marriage. We destroyed a couple who we all love dearly. You are the best of us and we destroyed it. We could not just leave it. We had to do something."

"So you hired the best. Ingram and Associates, covert rehabilitation. That's what it says on your business cards, right Doctor Ingram? Your specialty is rehabilitation, in situations where the subject doesn't know they are in rehabilitation. From what I have been led to believe, you tend to specialize in returning troops, particularly those involved in black ops?" I said.

"Yes," said Amy/Jessica. "They hired me, to pull you back together again and try and get you back with your wife."

"Tell me Doctor, did you come up with the plan to follow, or was it these idiots?" I said, gesturing at the others.

"If you must know, it was a combination of them and me. Once they contacted me and explained the situation, we met and they gave me a profile of you. My team spent 3 days going over it with them. I have to admit, I was intrigued. To be honest, and I'm not flattering you here Jace, people like you generally don't exist. Everyone has their issues where they are not the nicest people in the world. You, you treat everyone nicely. You have standards and you actually stand by them. You actually are everything it says on the tin. I had to find out if you were everything they said you were." Amy/Jessica was speaking more passionately now. 

"And was I?" I asked, my voice heavy with intent, "I am keen to know if I measured up."

She looked at me and away and said quietly, "Yes. If you must know."

Then she turned back and said, "Since we are talking about this, and it's out in the open, please know that it wasn't just a job. It was to start with – you were a mess, but I really... came to have feelings. It made it really hard to get the job done sometimes. What I wanted to do and what I needed to do where very different things and it, well, it sucked sometimes. You are a very decent human being and towards the end... it was... hard."

I looked at her; she looked away, then back, then away. For the first time she was acting more like a woman than a PhD in psychology.

"So, let me get this straight. The plan was to have Dr. Ingram here to pull me back together, then put Chloe here in an awkward situation, and have me ride to her rescue, right? You didn't actually expect me to come back, did you Jessica? That's why you had changed your look and why it took you 3 days to get back to me. You didn't think I'd come back. I wasn't supposed to, was I?"

Jessica shook her head and said, simply, "No. From everything that had been occurring, the profile stated you'd stay. I was in DC when you returned."

"Only I didn't." 

She nodded. "Your own decency basically worked against the profile. We aren't used to people who actually stand by what they say they do. We had some indication of possibility that you would do what you considered the right thing, but no one at the office really expected you would. Practical experience, I'm afraid," she said, apologetically.

I then swung around to confront Mark and Jim. "And right, since we are now on that subject. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING STICKING THAT ASSHOLE IN MY EX-WIFES HOUSE? Who the FUCK thought that was a good idea?" I had actually raised my voice, breaking my promise to Chloe. I felt every muscle in my body clench and had to actively force myself to relax a bit. I also realized I was going to smash the beer bottle in my hand and so I put it down.

Both Mark and Jim looked nervously at each other and Jim fidgeted with his hands. Wendy and Kathy wouldn't look at me either. No one looked at me until Mark did and when he did, I saw it all in his eyes. He was apologetic, terrified, sad, didn't know what to say. But he did try; I'll give him that.

"That... That was really another mistake. The concept – the plan, was to put someone who was somewhat bad news in there and give you the impetuous to come back and sort it out. You'd had time to get your head together, now you needed to come home. To see that Chloe needed you. You'd toss this guy out and see your place was here and it would all be great."

"J..." joined in Jim, "I... look, we didn't know he was that much of an asshole. We honestly didn't know about his rap sheet. We did take steps though. We went back to the bikers – remember them? – If you hadn't come after the second email, they were going to sort it out. He was gone either way."

"But I did come back," I said.

Mark nodded. "When I came to see you the bar, every word was the truth. I was concerned. You needed to deal with it."

"Well, every word you spoke was the truth eh Mark? What you didn't say...Well....."

He sighed. "I don't really have any excuse. None of us do."

Wendy suddenly spoke up, "J, for what its worth, what you did was... everything we knew you to be. Yet again you proved what a decent and stand up guy you were. When you left, and you called Mark, we went straight over and Chloe told us everything. She was an utter disaster. For the first time she really realized you were lost. Till then she'd been holding out hope..."

I looked over at Chloe, who was crying and shaking silently. I was trying to make a point of not asking her anything or even looking at her because I honestly didn't want to see something I couldn't recover from, but couldn't help it. 

"So what, council of war?" I said.

Jim nodded. "We contacted Dr. Ingram – I have a friend in the state department who used her group a few years ago and told me stories about them - and she came here. We sat down, talked about next steps. The thing is, we had figured that this would either work or it wouldn't. It didn't, at least in terms of how we thought the initial plan would work out. But in doing so, you made it so we couldn't stop either, you bastard. Yet again we looked like assholes, felt like shit, had fucked it up again and you just carried on being fucking impeccable in your behavior. We couldn't stop then. We needed to fix this. We needed to do whatever was necessary. We all agreed that. We'd started this, we'd made it worse, we needed to fix this."

I chuckled to myself. "Good thing I'm an idiot then eh? Gotta give you your due, Jessica. You were awesome. I never suspected a thing." Suddenly a thought gripped me. "That was what all that sex was about before I left, wasn't it? 'Give me a reason to come back' my ass – that was you getting in the last jollies before I didn't come back, wasn't it?"

Jessica had the grace to color just a bit and gave me a tight smile. 

"That's why we did what we did. You showed your true colors right then, because it didn't matter any more. I'm such an idiot."

Jessica pursed her lips and said, "J, I'm very, very good at this. Don't blame yourself here. This is the result of years of training and practice. In some ways, I really hate what I do. In others though... I help people. It's unorthodox, but it does work. You are only here, exposing everything, because I put you back together to be able to. And let's face it; it wasn't the most unpleasant set of events in the world, was it? For either of us."

She turned to Chloe and said, "I know this is a strange thing to say and you may not want to hear it, given the circumstances of how I know, but you are one lucky woman Chloe. Jace is a very good lover and actually cares about the women he makes love to. I don't know how experienced you are, but I would hold onto him because men like this don't come along very often."

"Well great, Doctor Ingram," I said, "You know what? You're right. And one day I might even forgive you for the way you've gone about it. But not today." I ended the sentence a bit more bitterly than I should have, but fuck it. I was pissed and with good reason.

"So then what? You came up with a new plan?" I said, turning back to Mark and Jim.

"We decided to keep trying. We needed to keep trying. So we can up with Doctor Ingram returning and carrying on, and then Chloe made up her own mind and came to you."

"Remember Jace," said Jessica, "All of this was also necessary. It was all true and right. Chloe did need your forgiveness and you needed to forgive her. You also needed to be reminded of why she was your wife. Having her come to me meant you had to face it. There was no option. We had to go with it."

I nodded, "Oh, I see it Doctor. I totally see it. It's a masterful plan, I have to concede you that."

"So that went on, and it went well, and then we come to Halloween," I said. "I have to admit, I am totally confused by that. We went to that club, what happened, happened, and then you send me home to be with Chloe? I don't understand that at all..."

Jessica sighed. "It was an opportunity to kill several birds with one stone. It was an opportunity to show you that a group scene wasn't the worst thing imaginable – to sever the association with being cheated on. To try and isolate that feeling and remove its association. It was also justifying allowing you to play with Chloe, and also, it had been suggested to me that you should be shown a good time. You'd had enough shitty things happen to you, and were about to happen, and there needed to be balanced restored."

I nodded, understanding. "Ah, I see it now. Wow, there was almost nothing we did that wasn't carefully considered, was there?"

Jessica at least had the decency to look away and said faintly, "No, not really."

"So then, the events at the hotel? Those were a set up too, I presume? You were playing a dangerous game there, breaking my heart again."

She bit her lip and said "That was a calculated risk. We had to do something that would push you back to Chloe. Everything had been arranged so it would be the natural thing for you to do. This time though, we were ready for your chivalry. We didn't know if you'd show up at the hotel, but we were ready if you did. And you did."

"Yes, I particularly like the 'calculated risk' part there. Given that the risk is 100% on my part and not yours. Thank you for risking that for me. If it had backfired, I'm sure you would have been beside yourself. Incidentally, I did idly wonder – did you actually get laid? I did notice that it was all set up to make me think you had, but I never saw any evidence of that?" I said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No," said Doctor Ingram, with a small tight smile. "That was Todd, my executive assistant. The only person there that night who would have gotten laid with him is you, J."

I laughed nastily and said, "Yeah. Makes me wonder if I should try that. I'll bet they don't fuck you over as much as women seem to."

"So that pretty much brings us up to date, doesn't it?" I said. "Many thanks to you Mark for sending Wendy over. I do hope you get to see that lingerie. It's pretty fucking sweet." 

I winked at Wendy and she actually blushed. With all this shit going on and manipulation on an epic level being revealed, she actually honest-to-god blushed.

"I guess you are wondering how I figured it all out?" I looked around. There was curiosity present I could see, but no one said anything.

"Well, at the cost of impressing you with my own cleverness, I knew from moment one that you were a phony Dr. Ingram. Oh I had no idea who you really were – I deliberately didn't look too deeply into it – but it didn't take much of an internet background search to discover that your identity wasn't real. Tie that with the fact at you obviously had therapist training of some kind and I knew that everything as it was presented to me wasn't quite right. But I still bought into it. I have to say it. I did – even though I knew it wasn't on the up and up, I bought into it anyway because I knew I needed it. I did have thoughts of you on the run, or in witness protection or some such, but the truth of the matter was that I just didn't want to look too deeply.

So well done everyone – kudos, you were all quite right. But the kicker was driving back from being dumped, in Seattle. I sat there, driving back, marveling at how Amy, sorry, Doctor Ingram, had been exactly what I needed, and now there were two extremely hot women waiting for me at home in lingerie." 

Wendy blushed again. 

"And how lucky could one guy be? It was just so obviously meant to be. And then I thought, what if that's exactly what it was? Meant to be? And then I started to think about Amy showing up in the first place, how she'd not let me go, how she'd been into the same things I was, so we'd have something to talk about, but how she really didn't know that much about the subjects. At the time I thought it was just because I did know about this stuff and was able to impress her, but what if she knew about this stuff just to give me that opportunity?

Then I thought about those emails I got, urging me to go back home. I did find the proxy server they used, and didn't look harder. So I did look harder, and I found where they came from. From your email server Jim. Now I know you are an idiot when it comes to this stuff, so how had that happened? So I talked to my buddy, the one Mark asked for. Turns out, he set it up for you as part of the contract you set him. He had no idea it was aimed at me – and he's pretty pissed off with you about that Mark, just a warning. Don't set my own friends against me – it never works out.

So, we have emails from you guys to me, we have the concept that our Lovely Amy here is a plant. How do I find out if that is true? Well, let me tell you again, you are a bitch to find Doctor Ingram. No website, no digital presence at all. You wanna know how I found you? Well, I didn't. The crowd did. Remember that app I was working on? Where you ask the world questions? Well, guess who was in charge of coming up with some calibration questions? You guessed it – this guy."

I nodded at myself with both thumbs.

"So I added a question and asked, 'If I needed a private service to help facilitate behavioral adjustments, that might involve sex, but had to be done complete confidentially and without the target subject knowing, where would I go?' And damn if two people didn't finger you immediately I had no idea if anything would come in at all, but there it was. It took some digging to get a picture of the Doctor Ingram – incidentally, you are all over a conference website you went to in 2008 Doctor, you might want to do something about that – and once I had that, I had most of it. Your group is very exclusive, so I've found Doctor."

I stopped and took a breath. There was absolute silence in the room – everyone was hanging on every word.

"I sent you an email from Marks' company over here, once I knew what your domain was called – incidentally Mark, you have a couple of new email filters on your server that I installed. The protection job my buddy did on your IT structure is really good, but once you have the password, it is easy to get past. He really is mad at you by the way. The email queried some detail of billing and your people at Ingram's replied to straighten it out, which gave me the link between you and them. The only detail remaining to get you here was another spoofed email, asking you to come here today to review the case and asking you not to call because 'J was around and might hear the call.' All in all, once I had it figured, it wasn't as hard as you might think to break it all down."

There was silence and I took another swig of beer and continued, "Which rather brings me to the final two things. Firstly, what do I do about this now I know?"

Everyone sat and stared at me and no one said anything. "How do I make it entirely clear to you guys that not only did you fuck up initially, but you compounded that fuck up with manipulation, lying, cheating me, and putting my ex wife potentially in danger of rape?"

My voice was quiet, but steel. I was very, very, very angry and I was doing my very best to keep it under control. "How do I make it clear to you that, as friends, you've done just about everything you can possibly do to make me want to make your lives as miserable as you've made mine? And what should I do about that? I could beat you, do the typical cheated husband stuff. God knows I have cause."




Out of Love Ch. 04



Mark, his voice vibrating, said, "J... I.... everything you said was true, but it wasn't intended the way you are taking it. Yes, some of it was underhand, but we had to do something. We couldn't just leave it. And you weren't exactly taking my calls. It wasn't like it was something we could just talk about. It was clear that if any of us had shown up, it wouldn't have gone well." 

I nodded – he had a point there. Kathy broke in and said, "J. Everything that was done was done out of love for you. We never meant to hurt you more than we already had. We just couldn't leave it the way it was. We were responsible. Chloe was devastated and so were you."

I leaned forward and said to Mark, but intending it for everyone, as calmly as I could, "I understand this. I honestly do. And it's the only reason we are having this conversation now and you aren't in a puddle of blood. But I need you to understand that while I appreciate that most of what happened was right, and was needed, and I needed it, the fact is that pretty much everything that has happened to me in the last 4 months was constructed, false and I believed it. I was manipulated and controlled and I need you to understand how that feels to me. My friends did this to me. They constructed something for me to believe in and then took it away, all in the name of trying to help. Add to that the fact that this only happened in the first place because you fucked up. Do you understand that? Can you understand that? Am I getting through?"

Everyone had hung heads now. "What do you want us to do, J?" said Wendy, quietly.

I wasn't finished yet though, and ignored her. "I also need you to know something else. Even though I woke up seeing the scene I saw, I knew Chloe. I knew that once she realized how I felt, she would be filled with remorse. I knew it would tear her apart. I knew she would reach out to me and need you for support. I knew her, and I was sure of what her reactions would be. It was definitely something I questioned, since I would never have imagined her in that situation in the first place, and fuck knows, it hurts but beyond that – I know she loved me. " 

I couldn't look at Chloe while I was saying this. 

"I trusted that I knew who she was. Even though I was hurt, I trusted her to be the person I thought she was deep down. But you've removed some of that now. I can't trust anyone in my life right now, because everyone in it has tried to manipulate me. In trying to do what you did, you've removed my own ability to trust the one person I thought I knew best, beyond the damage you'd already done that night. Do you understand that? Do you get what you've done? Do you understand now the depths of the damage you have wrought?"

Wendy and Kathy started crying as I said all this. Jim stared at his hands and Mark shifted in his chair, looking for something he could say.

I held up my hand as Jessica said, "J, I..."

"Amy, Jessica, whatever I call you, I told you this once before and I'm going to say it again now. Can you please shut the fuck up! I do not want to hear whatever you have to say right now. Maybe another time, but right now, you need to be quiet."

I looked at them and it was now time for the last question. The million dollar one. The only one I really wanted to ask and need the answer to. I turned to Chloe, who had stopped crying and was just looking at me, with fear and panic in her eyes. "There is one thing I need to know."

"How much did Chloe know? How much was she a part of this?" There was silence and I knew everything I needed to know in that instant. And it hurt.

"So she knew then?" I turned. If I thought my heart was breaking before, it was breaking completely now. I wouldn't survive this, I knew, but I had to know.

"She knew some of it," said Mark. "She knew didn't know about the asshole she had as a lodger. We only let her in on it when you went back to Portland."

I smirked, "I'll bet she was happy about that." Then I lost the smirk and said, "Cos fuck knows I'm not. There's something to answer for there Mark, you know that."

He looked down, defeated and said "Yeah, we know. There's so much we did wrong. We were just trying to make up. You know that."

I looked back and Chloe and I could see the tears start again. I could see her mouthing 'I'm so sorry' and 'Please', over and over again.

"She wanted to kill us when we told her what we had done. She wanted to come to Portland and tell you instantly. She actually came to do exactly that, but we managed to direct her to Doctor Ingram first, and she was able to convince her that it wasn't the best course of action. That if she really wanted you back, this was the way to do it with the least pain," said Jim in a distant voice.

I said directly to Chloe in a flat voice, "I honestly thought you were unbelievably strong, coming back in yourself in those weeks. I also didn't understand why you didn't just kill her." I nodded at Jessica. "Now I understand why. You knew it was only temporary. That I was being pushed into coming back to be with you. That she was ultimately no threat to you."

"J... I... I'm sorry. So sorry. She said it would bring you back to me. Don't you understand? I had to have you back, at any cost. I couldn't survive without you," Chloe said, between sobs. "I didn't know anything else. She told me not to blow it, that it would all come right in the end. I just had to follow her lead. I didn't know what was going on; I didn't know what they planned. She suggested that I ask Wendy over that night, that it would be alright and if things went according to plan, you'd be mine forever but I had no idea what she was doing or how she was planning it. I swear."

I sat there silently, digesting this. Presently I said, "Chloe, the way to get someone to trust you again is not to lie to them."

"What am I supposed to do, J? Tell me. Tell me what I need to do to have you back. I'll do it. Anything. I just can't stand this anymore," replied Chloe, desperation coloring her voice and body language.

"I..." It was I who was lost for words now. I had known this decision was coming, ever since I set this meeting in motion. Part of it was to resolve all the facts, so I could arrive at a decision. I had vacillated between what I would do – if I could forgive Chloe or not, if she knew or not. And now we were here and I had no idea what to do. I was still bitterly hurt at the treatment and betrayals that had been heaped on me, but I still wanted to love her. I literally had nowhere else to turn.

"If I might?" said Jessica, softly. 

I nodded at her.

"J, you are a good man. We all know that. The question you have to answer here is how much do you love you wife?" 

I just looked at her, expressionless.

"Would you hurt someone for her?" 

I nodded. 

"Would you kill for her?" 

I nodded again. 

"Would you die for her?" 

I blinked and after a second said quietly, "If I had to. I'd rather not though." 

It wasn't much of a question.

"Then, and I say this with years of training behind me, what the fuck is the problem? She made a mistake. It was a biggie. It sucked. You moved past it. Suck it up and be happy you idiot. You don't have to completely forgive or completely forget. You just have to be together. You will find the way to cope. She's obviously not going to do it again and just wants to do anything to make you happy. But stop this punishment, because at this point, it's not her you are punishing the most. It's you. I don't why but you seem to have a deep rooted neurosis about this. Like you caused this, by failing somehow. Just... "

Jessica ran down, shook her head at me and then said in an exasperated voice, "Stop looking at me, dumbass and look at her."

I looked at Chloe, looked at the hope in her face – so desperate and in need - and just said, "Oh Chloe..." and with that, she jumped into my arms, and held on tight.

I kissed her hard. She kissed me hard. There was a sob behind us but I didn't move until I was done.

When I was done, without moving my face from looking at Chloe's rampant smile, I said, "None of you are off the hook. We are moving to Portland and that is not up for discussion. I don't really want to see you guys around very much, at least not now. You have a fuck load of trust to rebuild and I'm not sure you can. If I detect any manipulation from you, well, you won't like my response very much. Do we understand each other?"

I got a chorus of 'Yes', 'Of course' and one 'Get a room' from behind me. I smiled at that.

"Right. Fuck off, all of you. I have things to do," I said, again without turning around or letting go of my Chloe. 

And as they left I did call out, "Wendy... you did keep that outfit, right?" which made her blush again.

Epilog.

It's been two years since then. We moved to Portland, as I promised. Chloe is still my wife – she moved jobs out there; there's always a need for a good nurse - and we have a new set of friends now. We still go back to Spokane every now and then – we were just back there for a wedding and we saw Jim and Kathy and Mark and Wendy at the reception. They looked the same. I could see how they wanted it to be like old times, and they tried really hard but it wasn't. But at least we are able to be cordial now, which is a step forward. Jim keeps asking me if I want to start a consultancy business with him – a full on, we-have-people-working-for-us business but while it's not that I don't trust him,- although I don't fully,- it's just that I'm happy doing what I'm doing.

While I understand why they did what they did, how they got in and just went for broke to try and recover something they fucked up in the first place, I haven't fully forgiven them in any way. I always knew they were capable of stuff like this, but I hadn't realized what it would be like to be on the receiving end. Sometimes I think about revenge, or doing something to them so they would fully understand, but for what? They didn't do it maliciously – they weren't intent on breaking us up or not caring about what I thought. They just jumped the gun, assumed I was on board because they were drunk, high and horny, and they'd misread my signals. The question has been raised to me about what I would have done had I not had to deal with the tree. If I'd not been tired and been part of the games. If I'd been liquored up as they were. Would I have gone along? Would I have joined in? And I think that the answer there is quite probably yes. Given that, it's hard not to understand where they were coming from. Their actions weren't anywhere in the vicinity of right, but they were at least understandable. No one had been trying to take something from me – quite the opposite in fact; circumstances had just conspired to make it such that I saw it all from the worst possible perspective.

I'm still hurt. I'm still pissed, but life is too short. I don't forgive that easily, and definitely not forget, but on the other hand, they just want to be my friend, and it's painfully obvious they are trying so hard to make amends. They blew a quarter of a million dollars trying – it's kinda hard to stay so pissed when you know that.

So we did invite them out for a BBQ here in a couple of weeks, which will be interesting. I still haven't forgotten the promise of all 3 girls at once, and remind Chloe of that every once in a while.

Chloe and I are closer than ever. She has the light restored in her eyes and last year we went to Hawaii for our anniversary. I can still see that image of her, every now and then and I can see the pain in her eyes when I react in certain ways, but, as I said to her, that's her cross to bear. None of us come out unscathed.

Doctor Ingram went back to her facility in Washington DC, although she did come by a couple of months ago since she was in town. She asked if I minded be the subject of a book she was writing, anonymously of course. Apparently I have what she is coining a "chivalry complex" and she wants to explore it. I really don't care that much and told her to have at it. As long as it didn't identify me, I could care less.

Sexually, Chloe and I have explored more. We've had a couple of threesomes and we even swapped with another couple - I was extremely nervous about that, and she even more so, but we wanted to see if we could handle it and while it was fun, it was something we both agreed we wouldn't want to do very often.

But having said that, I have taken Chloe to a certain strip club a few times now, and Wonton is fast becoming a friend – a very special friend – we see her socially and her name is actually Sophia. I can't wait for Halloween this year.