65 comments/ 100583 views/ 17 favorites One Hundred and Fifty Five Miles By: magmaman "Is this Mr. Mike Morgan?" The deep voice asked when I picked up the phone. "Yes, it is." I answered, curious as to who was calling. It was nearly 8 AM and on a Sunday, the phone almost never rang at that time of day. "This is Captain Stan Harrison, Oregon State Police. I am calling about Dana Morgan, I assume that is your wife?" "Yes, it is?" I felt a sudden sense of foreboding. "There has been an accident. She is being transported by Life Flight to the trauma center in Portland." For a moment, it felt like my heart stopped. "Accident? How? That can't be, Dana is in Denver?" I managed after a few seconds. This didn't make any sense. "I am sorry, sir. We have a positive ID on her. There was a car crash on Highway 30 West of Portland. She should be arriving at the hospital right about now." "I don't understand, there has to be some mistake." I told him. "We got the information from her purse, sir. She was driving the vehicle, it was registered to her. You do need to make arrangements to go up there." "All right. What happened, was she by herself?" "It was a head on crash. There was one other female in the vehicle, sir. She is deceased." "Who was that?" I asked, already reasonably sure it had to be Sally Bittler, Dana's best friend. "I cannot release that information yet, sir, we are trying to notify the next of kin." "All right." I hung up, completely confused and in a state of panic. Dana was supposed to be in Denver at her company meeting. She worked as a sales rep for her company, once or twice each year they held meetings in various cities around the Country. There just had to be some kind of mistake. Someone with a similar name, something like that. Dana had hugged me and climbed in the taxi for the airport Friday afternoon. She took the shuttle plane from our home at the coast to Portland, then she was flying to Denver that evening. I called Dana's cell phone, it went to voice mail. That was when it finally hit me that it really was Dana, she always answered her cell phone, without fail. She never turned the thing off, ever. I called her Mother, explained what little I knew. She was extremely upset, not understanding either since Dana was supposed to be at the meeting. I asked her to keep Mark and Sally Ann, our two little bundles of mayhem until I got back. I promised to call her with updates as soon as I knew anything. Then I called the trauma center, at first they didn't want to give me much information but after some insistence the nurse told me that Dana was in surgery, and in a coma. Still not completely sure this wasn't a mistake, I again called her cell phone. Once again it went to voice mail. Then I called the number she had given me for the hotel she was staying at. "Hello?" A man's voice answered. That didn't sound right. "Hello, I am trying to reach my wife, Dana Morgan. Can you dial her room, please?" "Room? What? Who is this?" The man's voice demanded. "My name is Mike Morgan, I am trying to reach my wife Dana." "Why are you calling here, Mike? This is Jack Bittler, Sally and Dana were in an accident. This is Sally's cell phone, she accidentally left it on the charger here at the house. The police just came by, Sally has been killed, your wife is at the hospital in Portland." He sounded beside himself. I knew Sally Bittler, she had been a life long friend of Dana's from first grade all the way through high school. She and Dana were a lot alike, both of them wore their hair long and dark, Sally was an inch or so taller. Other than that, they could and did share clothing all through high school and even sometimes after. Dana had insisted on naming our little girl after her close friend. I had wanted Ann so we settled on Sally Ann. I knew Sally was married to a man named Jack but I had never met him, they lived way out highway 30 towards a tiny town called Clatskanie. That was Sally and Dana's home town, they both graduated from the high school there. It used to be my home town, I went to the same school through my 10th grade and a few weeks into the 11th, but my folks moved us about 50 miles south so I graduated from the St. Helens school. +++ "I am really sorry, Jack. Do you have any idea how the accident happened?" I didn't want to upset him further at a time like this, but I also wanted desperately to know what was going on. "They made a sudden U turn, right into another car. Probably to come back and get this fucking cell phone she just bought!" He broke down into sobs, I was fighting tears myself. Then the phone went dead, he had hung up. Dana's Mom arrived to pick up the kids, she was beside herself. I told her I would call the instant I knew anything. Then I went out to our garage, took the car cover off my Corvette. It was the 50 year anniversary z06 edition, and very fast. Just a toy, we sometimes took it to car shows and out for rides, just for fun and to ne looked at. It was raining lightly, I never took that car out in the rain but now I needed it, it was far faster than my old truck. I made short work of the two lane stretch of highway out to the valley, taking turns far faster than I ever had before. The machine stayed planted to the road, even in the damp conditions. The Sun came out just as I made the turn Northbound, I ran in the left lane all the way once I reached the freeway, with my four way flashers on. People saw me coming and pulled over, most of them did anyway. The ones that didn't, I just slipped over to the right and sailed by. I halfway expected to see a police officer, but the only one I did see had someone pulled over just South of Salem. I knew about that area, I was barely 5 miles per hour over the limit going through there. Once North of that, I set the speedometer on 90 MPH and let her go. Sunday traffic before noon is fairly light. A few times I looked at the windshield display and it read over 110, each time I eased up a little. Then I went right back to pressing it. Once in the long stretch North of Woodburn I glanced down and saw 130, I eased back off again. It was a dangerous trip, I kept finding myself blinded by tears, reaching up to wipe them away. At the hospital, I parked and dashed inside. The mileage counter read one hundred and fifty five miles, I had done it in just under two hours. The receptionist told me to take a seat, and a social worker would be right out to talk to me. That worried me, a social worker? Was Dana dead? Terrible thoughts were pouring through my head as I sat there fidgeting, upset. The social worker that they said would be right out took over an hour, my mind began to whirl with memories. +++ I met Dana in grade school, we got into a fight of all things. At that time she was actually bigger than me, with a solid little body and a round pudgy face. The fight came out about equal and lasted quite a long time, I had finally gotten her down on her back, she had both hands in my hair and was pulling my head down for all she was worth as I tried to pummel her with everything I had. I really wasn't having much success, then the teachers got there and broke it up. I got a very nice bloody nose out of the deal. We both accused each other of starting it, but the results were both us us got to sit inside in detention while all the other kids got to play outside during lunch breaks. I hated Dana, but she hated me also so we were equal there. From then on for a few years we both refused to even speak to each other. I grew up and got taller, just under six feet, ending up far bigger than Dana did. She stopped growing at around 5' 2" tall and then one day in the beginning of our junior year I saw her coming down the hallway. I got a funny feeling, Dana suddenly looked...wonderful? The chubby and nearly perfectly square little body had vanished over the Summer, she had rounded out and she was simply beautiful. My family moved just a few short weeks after, I was really upset about that. But I used every opportunity to go see Dana. She and her friend Sally were on the cheerleader squad, I was at every single game from then on. That began the chase, I did everything I could think of to get her attention but nothing worked, she still hated the ground I walked on. It didn't help one bit that she was a few months older than me, she turned 18 just after Christmas that year, I was still only 17. Once when I was up there I saw Dana and Sally coming out of a store, I tried to talk to her but she blew me off. "That stupid kid is always hanging around, he drives me nuts!" She complained to Sally as they walked away. Sally gave me a smirk over her shoulder as I just stood there. I refused to give up, though. One day in our senior year I was at a track meet in Clatskanie, I was a runner and actually pretty good at it. But I wouldn't have even been on the track team except for it gave me a chance to see her. I was stretching my legs out, getting ready for my event when I looked over and one of the jocks named Harmon White had Dana by the throat, yelling at her. She was struggling fiercely, but Harmon was way too large and strong. I knew they had been dating, much to my chagrin. Several of the other kids were standing around staring, doing nothing. I dropped doing my warm ups and ran over there, telling him to leave her alone. Dana was crying and trying to get loose from him, and her face was red. I knew he had slapped her. But she had gotten her licks in, he had a bloody nose. The jerk turned on me instead, we had quite a scuffle which I was losing badly since he out weighed me by a good sixty pounds. Then as he got me down on the ground, swinging at me with both arms, Dana went right over the top of him from behind. She hadn't changed very much in that respect, she was smacking him upside the head and digging at him in a way I remembered very well. I wiggled loose and gave her a hand with that. In short order he didn't want any more, he was actually whimpering by the time he got up and scurried off, to the howls of the other kids. His nose had gotten even bloodier, I managed to get one of my own licks in. The teachers got there a few seconds after it was over, Dana and I ended up in detention once again. Mine was served at my own school, Dana at hers. I wouldn't have minded one bit if I could have served my punishment at her school. I even asked if I could, but just got some odd looks. Our schools now had one of those "no violence of any kind" rules, so Harmon got detention too. Even worse, I was off the track team, I had missed my event because of the scuffle with Harmon. I was also upset because I knew that that jerk Harmon would be sitting right there in the same room with Dana while I was stuck way down in St. Helens at my own school. So I called her every single night after school. She didn't just hang up after that. We talked until my Mom made me hang up, it was a long distance phone call and she didn't like that much. It appeared that Dana had forgiven me. We began to date, the third date I kissed her and she kissed me right back. The Summer after we graduated was the most wonderful time of my life. +++ We both went to State after high school, she was studying business, I was working for my engineering degree. At first we both dated a few others, but we kept coming right back to each other. That Harmon White was also at State, he somehow managed to date her himself. It appeared that she had forgiven him, also, and I hated that. I was tickled when we settled on just seeing each other. One evening a year or so later she was in my apartment, my room mate was gone off to some party somewhere. We had made some popcorn, teasing each other by throwing pieces back and forth, trying to catch it with our mouths. One piece went right down the front of her blouse. She reached in to dig it out, giggling, but somehow it slipped further in and she couldn't reach it. "Turn your back." She said, giggling. "I don't want to." I told her. "OK. You asked for it." She laughed, reaching down and unbuttoning her blouse so she could reach inside her bra. She was digging in there, trying to get the piece loose, looking at me watching her. At this point the most she had ever allowed was for me to touch her over her clothing. I noticed her face turn red, then her lips pursed slightly and she got a funny look in her eyes. When she tugged the bra cup down slightly with one hand, I saw the upper edge of her nipple appear for an instant. "Why don't you let me help you with that?" I asked her with a silly grin. She stopped and looked right at me. "OK." She said, with only a slight blush. An hour later we were in my bed. +++ It would be nice to say we were both virgins, but I wasn't. I like to think that Dana was, but I couldn't really tell for sure. She didn't bleed or anything like that, although we did have one hell of a time getting things lined up. My pants were down, trapped on my ankles because my shoes were still on. I had managed to get her panties off, her dress was hiked up, I was poking away trying to find her when she pushed me off of her. "Let's take those things off." She said, reaching down to tug at my tennis shoes. She got both of them off, peeled down my socks, then stood up and jerked my jeans off. I was now completely naked, Dana stood there and looked at me, then she let out a tiny giggle. I was hard as a rock. She reached down and pulled her dress over her head, stood there and smiled at me for a few seconds. All she had on was her bra, which she reached back and unhooked, dropping it on the floor. Her body rippled with muscle, her breasts stuck out proudly from her chest, huge dark nipples capping each one. "There!" She said, sliding back onto the bed with me. I did some more poking, finally she reached down and grasped me, lining it up herself. It still took several minutes before it would go all the way in, that happened suddenly, all at once there was room. I didn't even think about a condom, I didn't have one anyway. I did bring that up later on as we lay there cuddling and exploring each other's body. "It's all right, I am on the pill." She told me. From then on, we were nearly always together. +++ My own virginity was lost at Spring Break a year or so before, several of us guys had a beach front condo, somehow several women ended up in the room with us. For a couple of days there were naked people everywhere, I lost count of how many or who I was with. That was a crazy time, at one point I woke up still in a drunken stupor and some guy I didn't know had his hand on my dick, I yelled at him and took a swing but he let go and ducked. I probably would have went after him for that but on the other side of me was this naked brunette and she quickly took his place, opening her mouth and sliding her lips over me. I had no idea what her name was and had never even seen her before. Did Dana have any experiences like that? Probably but I just never asked, no reason to. Dana became all mine that first night we were together, neither one of us ever dated anyone else again. Marriage was a given by the time we graduated. The house, the car, two kids, a life? All of that came along at a perfectly normal pace. Our combined incomes put us in very comfortable shape. I talked to Dana about quitting her job and just taking care of the house, but she didn't want to. Instead, we hired an almost full time housekeeper, a pretty Norwegian woman named Nikki. She was about five years younger than Dana and I, and wonderful with the kids. She became a household fixture, coming in daily at 8 in the morning, then going home at 6 PM, five days each week. She was somehow more than an employee, she became part of our family. Weekends Dana and I spent at home with the kids, or off doing something, enjoying life. +++ Dana spent a few days once or twice each year at those meetings. She always came home with everything perfectly normal, telling me everything that went on. Her job was to teach the sales crew, and she was good at that. A couple of times I asked her if she had any troubles with guys hitting on her, she admitted it happened quite a bit. Men out of town, away from their wives, seem to be always looking. "So what do you do?" I asked, mildly curious. It wasn't something that upset me, Dana never gave me any reason at all to ever be suspicious of her. "The ones that understand when I tell them I am married I leave be, the ones that don't I smack if they get too grabby." She laughed. I laughed right back at that, knowing Dana and the right hook she had, I knew darn good and well that she could take care of herself. There was no worries about her getting drunk, either, even when we were out together, she would have one glass of wine and that was it. +++ My mind was whirling with those memories as I sat there waiting, I couldn't help it. It was like everything that had ever happened to us came pouring in at once. Hospitals are a terrible place to be. Waiting, always waiting. Bits and pieces of a person's life slide into and out of the mind, while just sitting and waiting. Not knowing what is happening is the hardest part. Finally, mercifully, an older nurse came out. "Are you Mr. Morgan?" She asked, glancing down at the clipboard she held in her hand. I nodded. "Your wife is very badly hurt. She has serious facial lacerations, broken ribs, a broken arm and leg. She lost a lot of blood. She was in a coma when she came in, they are maintaining that until the swelling on her brain goes down." The nurse never changed expression, she probably had to deliver news like that over and over, all day long. "How soon can I see her?" I asked. "You can now, I will take you back." She got up. I followed her down the long hallway. +++ There was no way to really see her, Dana's face was covered completely by bandages. So was most of her upper body. They had hoses and wires hooked up everywhere. A nurse looked up at me with a sad expression, then went back to checking monitors. One machine gave out a steady beep sound. I glanced at it, somewhat comforted to see everything was reasonably close to normal as far as I could tell. Just then a male Doctor came in. He glanced over at me sitting there, then he reached under the blankets and listened to her breathing. He glanced down at something under the bed, I leaned over and saw a clear plastic bag. It was filled part way with bloody fluid. "How is she doing?" I asked. "About as well as we can expect. Better actually, for awhile there they weren't sure. Right now we are hoping the swelling goes down. The Cat scan showed some serious bleeds." "What does that mean?" I asked. "Blood is toxic to brain tissue, we won't know for sure how bad it will be until it stops completely. We got most of it stopped during the surgery, though." I looked again, I could see a portion of her head, she was completely shaved. Her beautiful long dark hair was all gone. I sat there quietly until finally a nurse came in and told me to leave. They were taking her in for another scan anyway, doing a followup on the bleeding. +++ I left, found a hotel room and checked in. I called her Mother, explained what I knew. She wanted to come up but I told her that Dana was in a coma and there was nothing to be done for it at this point. We made arrangements for her to take the kids over to our house the next day, Nikki could handle things. I called and explained to Nikki, she told me she was glad to just stay at our house as long as it took. She did ask if she could have her friend Mary stay over, I told her that was fine. I had known that part about Nikki for quite a long time, and knew she would be discrete around the kids. One Hundred and Fifty Five Miles Dana's Mom arrived Tuesday, we sat in the room and talked. I told her I had no idea at all what Dana was doing out there instead of being in Denver at her sales group meeting. She didn't know, either. I had called her office, explained. I got the usual "really sorry to hear about that" and they did tell me that her job would be waiting for her when she recovered. I didn't mention that I did not think that was going to happen. When I asked about the meeting in Denver, I got a confusing response. They told me it wasn't scheduled for another five months. By then I knew already that Dana had lied to me about the meeting, now I knew she had lied to me about everything she had planned for the several days she said she would be gone. I just did not understand that, if she had wanted to go visit with Sally, all she had to do was say so? One day bled into the next, the waiting seemed to go on and on. Finally I had to go back to work, I had used up all of my leave, and we had bills, kids to feed. The rest of the trappings of life goes on, Dana lay there wrapped like a mummy, in a coma, unresponsive. My Corvette began to rack up the miles, one hundred and fifty five of them each way, three to four times every week. I began to have dreams of the sounds of the machines in her hospital room, finding myself waking up with a start. I had called Jack Bittler, about a month after the accident. We had a short visit, I asked him if he knew what the women had been doing. He told me he had no idea, he had not even known that Dana was up there. Sally had told him she was going shopping, they found her car parked in a lot a few miles South. Then Dana and Sally got into the rental car that Dana had. He mentioned that the police investigators said Dana had been driving, he began to sound bitter and almost accusing, so I said my goodbyes, wished him the best and hung up. I knew about the rental car also, I had to deal with that. Dana had purchased full added insurance, so it wasn't much of a problem. Just paperwork to sign. I did drive out to the storage lot to look at the simple white Impala she had rented. I saw no way that anyone could possibly live through that, it was nearly totally destroyed. There was no passenger side of the vehicle left at all, even the driver's side had only a tiny space left, it didn't appear that even Dana's small body could possibly have fit in there. I saw the dried blood still there on the remains of the machine, I just stood there and weeped. Why were they in the rental Dana had when Sally had a car of her own? Why drive South, park the one car and take the other? Where could they possibly have been going? Nothing made even the slightest bit of sense. It boiled down to Dana almost had to be having an affair, if so, then Sally was also involved. And if so, then with who? And where? Dana having an affair was not something I could even begin to understand, or accept. But what other possible answer was there? Especially since when I had been given her things at the hospital, I found her wedding rings inside a side pocket of her change purse. Dana never took her rings off to my knowledge, not even in the shower. It had to have been an affair, and I had no way to find out. A complete search of her purse came up with nothing at all, except in the bottom of her purse was a small black case, inside it was a canister of mace. What in the world was Dana doing with a can of mace in her purse? I did something I had never done before, I went through every single drawer in the house, came up with nothing. I read her emails, looking for some clue. That was easy, I knew her password, it was DanaMikeMS, just our names and our kid's initials. I found nothing at all that was not perfectly normal. I checked every single place I could think of in the house, even in the bottom of her underwear drawer. I also went over the telephone records for the last several months, trying to find phone numbers that sounded unfamiliar. There were a few, I called them. One was her Doctor's office, one was a spa she went to once in awhile to get her hair and nails done, sometimes a massage. The rest were all just perfectly normal. There was nothing, nothing at all. +++ Two more long difficult months went by, then I got a call from the hospital, Dana had come out of the coma. She was sitting up when I got there, some of the bandages had been removed. It was another shock when I saw her. She was awake, but appeared to be totally confused. There was a mass of scars on her face, angry and red, and several rows of very ugly ones where the stitches had been removed. She now looked nothing at all like my Dana. The only part I thought I recognized were her brown eyes, and I could see just one of them. Even that did not look quite right, dull and lifeless, like she was trying to focus. But I knew that she was probably still fairly heavily sedated, passed that off as just medication. Her hair was beginning to grow back in, she had what looked to be less than a half inch of growth. She looked at me with the one eye I could see, the expression was completely blank. Her mother sat there, her hands in her lap, her eyes damp. "Dana can't remember anything! She doesn't know me, she doesn't even look like my little girl!" She said to me. I looked at Dana, she looked back at me. "How are you doing, honey?" I asked her. "Who are you?" She asked. The words were slurred, difficult to understand. "I'm Mike, I am your husband." She just stared at me oddly. The whole morning went just like that, I showed her photos of our kids, got a blank look. Later, I spoke with one of the Doctors. "We simply don't know, it could be permanent, or of short term. Maybe partial or even complete amnesia. There are so many things about the human mind we just do not understand." "What about her face, she is so badly disfigured that.....?" "We can fix that, make her look just like she did before. You have very good insurance, so it can all be taken care of. But the memory, she may never recover from that. She is going to recover from the injuries, although it's a surprise to us that she is even still alive." It was another full six months before Dana was released to come home. There was one therapy session after another, she had to relearn to walk, she had to relearn nearly everything, even proper speech. By then the kids had visited several times, seeing her like that was a trauma in itself but I knew they would need to adjust. Little Sally Ann had thrown a fit that first time and refused to go to Dana, Mark just climbed onto the side of the bed and hugged her. "That's not Mommy!" Sally Ann had screamed, her head thrown back and eyes full of tears. I had never seen our little girl throw a complete tantrum like that before. Her initial excitement at seeing her mommy after so long vanished in an instant. Dana's Mother took her outside into the hallway, it was obvious to me that the scars and everything were scaring her. Plus once again Dana's face was bandaged, they had begun the plastic surgery process. I knew there would be many trips back and forth to the hospital, they had told me it could take as much as two to three years to restore her to the way she had looked before. Even then, only if all went well. By now she was getting small red bumps that would fester up, tiny pieces of glass. Those were like little pimples, they completely changed what had been an almost flawless complexion before. Several times I watched as a nurse used what appeared to be a tiny vaccum, carefully working it over the skin on her face. They had to remove all of the tiny bits of glass before they could continue with the repairs on her face. I knew that was uncomfortable for Dana, but she sat there and endured it without protest. After, we would sit and talk, I kept telling her about incidents in our lives, she listened carefully. One day I leaned down and kissed her like I always did, just before I left to go home. "I am ugly now, aren't I honey?" She asked me. It was the first time since the accident that she called me honey. "You are beautiful!" I told her. "Are you going to still love me...like this?" "I will always love you, no matter what." I kissed her again. "I love you, Mike." She said, giving me what passed as a smile. "When the surgery is all complete, you will be just like you were before." I told her. She clutched at my hand for a long time that evening, almost like it was her lifeline to hope. +++ I drove carefully all the way the day she was allowed to come home. The rental car I had gotten was huge, the biggest one they had. I wanted her to feel as safe as possible when she got into a vehicle for the first time after the crash. I kept hoping that Dana would recognize something, but she showed no sign of that at all. She still wore the one large eye patch, she had lost most of the vision in that eye and trying to see through both eyes confused her. The bandages on the right side of her face covered her nose and mouth, with just a small opening to breathe through. The Doctors had told us they could probably fix her eye with a lens replacement and some laser surgery. Nikki was there to greet us, everything neat as a pin like always. She took the kids in and fed them, then they went out back to play. Kids, they have such a wonderful ability to adjust, bounce back. Dana looked around, total confusion on her face. She had come to accept me and the kids, but still remembered nothing. I held her hand as we walked inside the house. It felt odd, slender, she had lost so much weight that she was very thin. I kept looking over at Dana. I had been watching her closely, hoping for some sign. Nikki came out, she helped Dana to a chair, she was still very weak and acting confused. "Thank you." She told Nikki as she sat down. Nikki looked at Dana very closely, then at me strangely. She tilted her head towards the kitchen. I followed her in. "That's not Dana." She said flatly. I looked at her, I wasn't surprised. It had also begun to register on me. I had seen her mostly bandaged, then even with the bandages off her face was slashed and scarred from the broken glass. One cheek was puffed up to nearly twice normal size. "I have been beginning to wonder, but the police, the hospital all insisted. I am sure it is her." I suddenly felt completely unsure of anything. Then once again I tried to convince myself I was wrong, Dana now looked so totally different that I couldn't be sure. She had lost at least twenty pounds, her face was so badly disfigured that it was impossible to know by looking. I had held her hand many times at the hospital, that by itself should have been enough. When I slipped her wedding rings onto her finger, they were loose, I passed that off to the weight loss. Denial. It can take over the mind, even knowing the truth deep down, the denial sets in and takes over. I wanted it to be Dana, desperately, but deep inside my mind I think I always knew. There was just one way to be completely sure. "When you bathe her this evening, let me know? I need to....see her." Nikki nodded. She understood perfectly. After dinner, Nikki cleaned up, then she helped Dana into the bathroom. She still had a terrible limp, one arm was also very weak. I waited and then walked in. She stood there facing away from me, Nikki was helping her out of her dress. The one she had on unbuttoned up the front. She wore no bra, the straps lay over sensitive scar tissue on her shoulder and hurt her. Nikki slid the dress off her shoulders, that was the moment I was completely sure. Dana had very large and dark nipples, and even though she and Sally Bittler were very nearly the same size and shape, the woman standing there had smallish pink and soft looking nipples, slightly rounded and puffy. I made it into the living room, managing to sit down. I had been holding my breath. My Dana was dead, I knew it now for sure. That was when the tears came, they poured from me in a torrent. Dana was dead, I had cared for and worried about another man's wife for nearly a year. The Doctors had already begun the process of restoring her face. I had carefully gathered up every single photograph I could find. They had used a computer, demonstrating how she would look when all of the work was finally complete. I had accepted all of that, it meant I would have my wife, my life back. Our two children, Mark and Sally Ann had come to accept that this woman was their Mother. I knew that Jack Bittler had buried my wife, I was there at the funeral even though Jack and I really didn't talk except to acknowledge each other. Jack Bittler had met another woman, they were engaged to be married. Life had moved on. Nikki came out of the master bedroom, sat down next to me. She had a box of tissues with her, handed me one. "What are you going to do now?" She asked simply. "I don't know." "I put her to bed, she is sleeping now." "All right, thank you." Nikki had long since put the kids to bed, she got up and said good night, giving me another concerned look. I spent that night right there in my chair, thinking. I may have dozed fitfully, I am not sure. The next morning, Nikki came out to find me still sitting there. She sat down next to me again. "Can you keep a secret?" I asked her. "Yes." She looked at me, then she smiled. Once again, she understood completely, there was no need to say the words. Dana was home. "I will go make some breakfast." She got up and went into the kitchen. I walked into the master bedroom, Dana was awake and looking at me. "Good morning, honey." I said. "Morning." She smiled, at least what I could see passed for a smile. +++ Four years later, I sat at the kitchen table. Dana sat there also, taking a bite of the eggs Nikki made for her, scrambled. I know that Dana had always liked her eggs sunny side up. A tiny change, one of many. A person adjusts, some things become normal. A lot of things have changed. The first time we made love, Dana was eager, it had been such a very long time for both of us. I did not press for that at all, she came to me instead, wanting. It was different but the same, if that makes any sense at all. We became one once again, this woman now looked exactly like she was supposed to. She felt completely different, but only for a short time. Then it was like the accident had never happened, Dana became my wife once again, normal. I know that I allowed that to happen. For Dana, she now thought it was her life and always had been. +++ "Mike, honey? Can we go talk? Privately?" Dana stood up after breakfast that morning. The expression on her face was different, concerned, I could tell her mind was busy about something. Nikki overheard, she left and went into her own room, closed the door softly. "It was my fault." Dana blurted out the moment we sat down in the living room. "What was your?...OH! Do you remember some of it?" "Yes. I'm not Dana, I am Sally." She had tears in the corner of her eyes. "I know. But you are Dana now. You are my wife." She began to cry. I reached out and held her hands. "What do you think was your fault, honey?" I asked. "The accident. I realized I had forgotten my phone, I slammed on the brakes and then just turned. I didn't see anyone coming until we hit." I just nodded, I realized my new life was now probably going to come apart again. "I killed Dana!" She was seriously weeping now. "It was an accident." I told her. I reached out and gathered her into my arms, she came willingly. "Oh, Mike! I love you so much!" She cried. "I love you too, Dana." I told her. "Can we? Please? I can't go back to....Jack. I love you, I love our kids!" "Yes. It's now been years, there is no way back." We sat there and held each other for a very long time. +++ The brain is a fantastic thing, the body has a way of healing itself. Dana told me that tiny things brought little flashes of memories. Each time she got a piece of it, she told me about it. When we did talk, it was like a story of something that had happened to someone else. Then one day it must have really poured in, she once again wanted to sit down and talk. "She... Dana...called me a couple of days before she drove up. There was a terrible problem." She looked at me sadly. "I have to tell you this, it's not fair to you not to know." "Tell me what, honey?" "A few years back, she was at one of those meetings. She ran into that Harmon White there. He was her first, you know, way back. She was barely 18, she said it just happened." "I didn't know that." "That day..when you were there, that was what the fight was about, she wouldn't let him...do it any more." "I never knew that, either." "I didn't think so. Anyway, he was, she told me. But it got worse, they talked and that night she went...to bed with him again." I nodded, I had known it had to be something like that. "Then Dana found out she was pregnant with Sally Ann, and she thought it was Harmon's." "I see." I felt a cold chill run down my spine. "He got in touch with her later, demanded she come to town, he wanted her again. He told her he would tell you if she didn't. She didn't want to, and knew she couldn't tell you. So she came to me." I didn't say anything. Once again my heart was being ripped out of my chest. "Dana didn't want to, she said it was a terrible mistake. That was where we were going that morning, to see Harmon. To convince him, one way or another, to leave her alone." Now I knew what the mace was for. "How did you end up driving?" I asked her. "Dana started to, but she was terribly upset and crying. She was lying to you and terrified you would find out and leave her. I made her stop and we changed seats. Her purse was tucked in the driver's side, mine was on her side. That had to be why they thought...?" But that didn't explain her rings. Why would she remove her rings? "She took off her rings, why?" I asked. "I told her to, with that guy things might have gotten violent. We figured with the two of us we could handle him, I had one of those stun guns, too." "Stun gun? Where did that go, I never saw....?" "I don't know, maybe one of the rescue workers or something like that? I know she also had two thousand dollars, she wanted to try and bribe Harmon. They never found that, either. But I really don't remember very much about that part." "You were out cold, almost dead." I looked at her tearful face, reached out and took her in my arms. She held me tightly, like she was frightened to let me go. "Dana and I weren't thinking very clearly, were we?" "No. If she had talked to me, I would have been hurt but...I don't know, I think we might have worked that out." "What are we going to do?" She asked, finally. "I want you to stay right here.....You ARE Dana! I really do mean that." She sobbed, held me even tighter. +++ Dana is home all the time now, she is healthy again. She is beautiful, there is almost no sign left of the accident except for a slight limp and a tiny trace of stiffness in the corner of her mouth. There was just one thing I had to do after she told me about my wife's affair, and I did it. I remember the morning the brown envelope came in the mail, I opened it with shaking hands. "The probability of paternity is 99.9%" The first line read. I grinned broadly when I read that. "Hey, Dana!" I called out. She came out of the kitchen, looked at me. "Sally Ann? She is all ours, 100%!" I smiled, waving the papers. Dana beamed and came over to hug me. +++ Sometimes I lie in bed, thinking. Was what Dana and I did right? I don't know the answer to that, except for the fact that I do know I and my family are happy. One Hundred and Fifty Five Miles Sometimes I feel like I miss Dana, then I feel like I still have her. I know. That sounds strange, trust me when I say it feels strange, also. But it gets to be less all the time. Dana's Mother knows, and she accepts her new daughter completely. She told me once that she knew from the very first day, and never let on. I am not completely sure of that. I suppose in truth I think I knew myself almost instantly, I just would not let myself accept it. But I am not completely sure of that, either. They told me the woman in that hospital bed was my Dana and that is what I wanted so desperately that I accepted that. All of the little signs, the hints? I just ignored them. Her Mother never let on because she couldn't. That by itself is strange, but I suppose a substitute daughter is better than none? The real truth is that Dana IS her daughter, I do not know the why of that, it just is. Maybe, just maybe we are all insane? But then who in this world really is sane? Now, after more than a half dozen years, Dana really is her Mother's daughter, they have total acceptance and a bond. With her own parents long dead, it gives Dana a foundation to hang on to. Plus the kids, of course. And me. Every single person that knew Dana before looks at her, and she is Dana. Were we to ever tell any of them the story, they would not believe it. The truth? We keep that to ourselves, it is our secret and always will be. Our life together is good, sweet. We are hopelessly in love. We are not even living in sin, we took a little trip to Reno. Even her name is now completely legal, we saw to that, too. Jack Bittler? He remarried, to the same woman that he had had a long term thing going on, on the side. Dana knew about that, and she told me they had fought about it. She had plans to divorce him, she was fed up. Crazy things happen and are said in our crazy relationship, in the blur of former lives that sometimes gets mixed up into a blend with now. My wife, fighting with her former husband about his affair? Planning on leaving him, divorce? Yet she has always been married to me, that is what it feels like most of the time. So Jack? He is happy, especially since he collected the hundred thousand dollars in insurance he had on his wife Sally. Our two kids, now three with little Mike with the head full of dark black hair, they are happy. The only ones unhappy are those at the company Dana used to work for, she never went back. They still call from time to time, asking, she always tells them no. Once when they called she grinned at me. "I wouldn't have a clue." She said, I just laughed. Our Nikki? She is still here, she did go into Portland and married her girlfriend when some official simply declared that they could. There was quite a fuss about all of that in the press right after, so I am not sure that worked out to be completely legal for them but who gives a damn? Our kids love her, they love Mary too. There really is a point in life where there is no way back. The only thing to do then, is move ahead.