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Nuclear Response

By: radk



To the reader:

This story involves a deep hole that a wife gets herself into and can't or doesn't want to get out of. Her husband is devastated when he finds out and exacts a unique revenge that for some readers may be hard to stomach. Revenge is revenge, the method doesn't matter because in the end everybody gets screwed, including a lot of innocent people. Think WMD.

Remember -- This is FICTION.

Thanks to jo for editing.

Discovery

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. So is a lot. Albert Einstein

March 14, 2008 (Friday)

My first conscious thought of the day was looking forward to the weekend. It was Friday and I had one more day of work before I was free and tomorrow I was going to spend the whole day with two of my favorite girls; Jana my 4-year old daughter and my mom. My plan was to do some odd jobs around mom's house and afterwards spend the rest of the day chasing Jana around the back yard. My wife Jenni was out of town for work and wouldn't be back until late Sunday so I had Jana all to myself.

After I got Jana off to kindergarten I headed to work for a fun half-day of putting the new course catalog on our internet site. When I was done I could pick up Jana and head out.

I finished a lot sooner than expected and was heading home at 10:30. I came home to a big empty house. I couldn't pick up Jana up until 1:00 so that gave me some time to throw a few things in the car and grab a sandwich. While chomping on my peanut butter and banana sandwich with my left hand I started throwing what clothes and stuff we would need for the weekend in a pile on the bed with my right (computer geeks know how to eat and work at the same.) A bottle of shampoo I tossed on the pile rolled off and onto the floor on Jenni's side. I used my best telekinetic abilities to try to make it come back up but as usual I failed so I had to walk over and physically pick it up. I didn't immediately see it so it must have rolled somewhere. I knelt down and fumbled around under the bed. It wasn't there so I went fishing under the nightstand. I came back with the bottle of shampoo and a book. "I wonder if Jenni knows this is under there," I said as I looked at the little book. It wasn't one of her novels or some reference book for her work. It appeared to be a journal of some sort.

I sat on the bed for a long time and debated whether to open it and read what was inside. On one hand I didn't want to invade Jenni's privacy if this was some sort of a personal diary, but on the other hand if there was something in it that I should know then maybe I had to read it. It may be completely innocent and then it may not. The need to know won out and I opened to the first page and immediately recognized Jenni's handwriting, so there could be no doubt about who wrote it. The date of the entry was 11 months ago. I started reading.

Journal Entry Dated April 20, 2007 (Friday)

I've decided that keeping this journal is in my best interest. I don't know what the future will bring but at the moment I can only see doom and gloom. I know that everything I've done and will do will end up hurting Randy and Jana, but I'm so stuck I can't find any way out and I feel I'm screwed in a very big way. Maybe keeping track of everything will in some small way help should the shit hit the fan. I don't know if it will but one thing I do know, it won't change a damned thing, and I just hope some good can come of it.

This whole mess started just over a month ago when one of my bosses called me into his office. Lloyd Butcher is one of the executive managers for Thompson and is a powerful and imposing man. Everybody knows not to mess with him. He was with one of the internal auditors Carl Cashman. They told me that some of the accounts I was responsible for were short some money; $24,000 to be exact. They showed me the paperwork that showed my deposits to be $1,000 short each time I made one. It looked like I took out $1,000 in cash at the time of the deposit. They said that they wanted to give me an opportunity to explain what happened to the money before they went to the corporate office and the police. I didn't have any idea about the money, I never took anything, but they had a solid paper trail showing that $1,000 cash was missing each time I made a deposit. I told them I didn't do anything wrong and I didn't know about the missing money. I tried to explain but they wouldn't listen. I ended up breaking down and crying right in front of them. They said that since I had no explanation they had no alternative but to turn the matter over to the authorities. I had to go back to my desk and clean it out. I was terminated and to be escorted off the property at the end of the day. I went back to my desk and cried.

Around 4:00 Mr. Butcher called and said he wanted to talk about my situation and to come to his office. After a lot of discussion, and a lot of pleading and crying on my part, he said he believed my story and felt sorry for me. He said that he might have a way to fix it but I had to trust him. He offered me a deal. He wouldn't turn the matter over to the authorities and he would personally cover the missing money if I would become his personal assistant. The job had been vacant ever since his previous assistant didn't show up for work one day and nobody ever heard from her again. I would have a new job working just for him and I wouldn't be handling any money. He said that I could trust him to help me out of the mess I was in and over time I could pay back what I owed him.

It sounded too good to be true and I was happy to take him up on his offer. Besides, going from a contracts specialist to an executive manager's personal assistant was an increase in salary and responsibility. I asked him how I was going to pay back the money that I owed, actually didn't owe, and he said to trust him. He would make it all clear after I settled into the job.

He said that he would call the auditor and tell him that he found the missing money in another account, one that he forgot to mention before, and that I was only doing what I was told to do. I would be off the hook with them.

That night I told Randy about my promotion but I didn't mention anything about any missing money. He was so happy for me that I just couldn't say anything about it. This was my problem and Randy has always wanted me to work out my own problems before coming to him for help and I didn't want to disappoint him this time. I'll never forget how he looked at me as we sat at Sabatini's and sipped our Chianti. He said that I was moving up in the corporate world and my future looked good. He was so proud of me.

The next day I moved into my new office. It was a small outer office with a door leading to a small lounge in the back which had a full bathroom, a closet for clothes and a small couch. There was also another door that connected to another lounge at the back of Mr. Butcher's office. His lounge was arranged the same way but his had a larger couch and a small fully equipped bar.

As the news got around the office that I was Mr. Butcher's new administrative assistant I got a lot of stares from my female coworkers and smiles from the men. I didn't know what any of it meant and it felt kind of strange.

Later that day Mr. Butcher called me into his office and I sat next to his desk as he told me about my duties. He explained that I had the usual assistant duties; keep his appointments, greet company clients, type, and file, make his coffee, etc. He also said that I was required to accompany him to company functions and meetings at times other than regular work hours. I may even be required to accompany him on meetings out of town.

Then he told me about how he expected me to dress. He said that I was his personal representative and a representative of the company and I needed to dress the part. I always thought that I dressed nicely but he said he thought that I dressed too conservatively and he wanted something better suited to his assistant. He said that I was to wear shorter skirts. He also said that I was not to wear pantyhose; I could wear stockings or go bare legged. I wasn't to wear a bra. I had to keep my hair loose and flowing over my shoulders. I could wear panties if I wanted but they were optional.

I sat there in total amazement. When I started to say something he put his hand up and stopped me before I could get a word out. He said I was to change the way I dressed because I was a beautiful woman and he wanted me to display my beauty and not hide it. It would be beneficial to have a beautiful woman present when clients and other managers met with him. He also reminded me about the missing money and said that I had to start dressing the way he wanted starting the next day or he would terminate our agreement. He said that I could trust him and he wouldn't do anything to hurt or embarrass me. He said that he knew what he was doing.

I was in a daze and couldn't think straight. I didn't know what to say. All I could do was sit quietly and stare down at my hands.

He pushed an envelope over to me and told me to take the afternoon off and go shopping and get some new clothes; something like he described that would show off my beautiful body. He said that if I was worried about what my husband would think then I could keep my new wardrobe at work and change into it first thing in the morning and then back to my regular clothes before going home. But while at work or with him on company functions I had to dress like he wanted.

I took the envelope and went back to my office and thought about it. On one hand he assured me that he wouldn't do anything to hurt or embarrass me but on the other hand I might get a lot of stares and strange remarks from people around the office. I was stuck anyway because of the missing money. The more I thought about it the more I thought that it might be exciting to have people look at me and think I was beautiful. I've always been kind of a plain-Jane and maybe I deserved to look and feel sexy for once. But I would draw the line and wear panties.

That afternoon I went shopping and left everything in the trunk of my car.

The next day I went to work wearing my usual business suit but changed into one of my purchases in my bathroom. It was a simple, sheer white blouse and short black skirt, and I really mean short, the hem was over half way up my thigh. I didn't wear stockings because the tops would have shown with the short skirt. I felt funny with no bra but my nipples rubbing on the fabric of my blouse felt rather exciting. Afterwards I just stayed in my office and did my work.

Around lunch time Mr. Butcher called me into his office and told me to come in through our connecting lounges. As I entered his office I saw that he was leaning against the front of his desk. As I approached he told me that I looked beautiful but he needed to make sure that I followed his orders about my wardrobe. He asked if I was wearing a bra and I said I wasn't. He said that he had to check and told me to unbutton my blouse. I just stood there looking at him. After a few seconds his expression changed and he got a stern look on his face and said, in a forceful and ominous way, that I had to show him "or else".

I was embarrassed but I unbuttoned my blouse and stood there. It wasn't open so he could see my breasts just enough to see that I wasn't wearing a bra. He said "good". Then he said he wanted to make sure I wasn't wearing pantyhose so he told me to pull my skirt up and show him. Again I hesitated and again he gave me a stern look, so I hesitantly reached down and pulled up my skirt and showed him my panties. "Beautiful" was all he said. As he turned and went over behind his desk to sit down I lowered my skirt. As he sat down he yelled at me and said "I didn't tell you to put your skirt back down. Do only what I say, and when I say." I raised my skirt back up and stood there looking at the floor.

He just sat there and looked at me smiling. After a couple minutes he said to get dressed and go back to work.

My wardrobe examination happened like that every day for the rest of the week.

On Monday morning he called me in and we went through the clothes check again except this time he said to take off my blouse and hand it to him. He looked mad when I stood there looking at him. I started to cry. He just growled "do it!" I slowly took off the blouse and held it out for him with one hand and covered up my breasts with the other. "Now lower your hands," he said. I cried as I did. "Now the skirt." I lifted up the skirt and stood there and he said, "No, hand it to me." I wanted to run and hide but I couldn't run anywhere dressed as I was. I reached around back and pulled the zipper down and let the skirt fall to the floor. I bent over and picked it up, handed it to him and just stood there with tears running down my cheeks.

All he said was "even more beautiful than I imagined." I was embarrassed and felt hot all over. He went back and sat down and put my clothes on the desk. He just sat and looked at me standing there topless. After a while he smiled and said I could take my clothes and go back to my office. I started to put my clothes back on but he stopped me and said to walk out the way I was and dress in the lounge. I grabbed my clothes and quickly left.

Tuesday and Wednesday were repeats of Monday, but I cried less each day.

On Thursday he asked for my panties too. I reluctantly gave them to him and he went back and sat down. He said that I needed to keep my pussy neat, not completely shaved just a bikini trim and clean.

Friday I was naked again for his inspection.

The next Monday after I was naked he said to sit down in the chair across from him. He said that one of my duties as his assistant was to make sure that he was happy at all times. I said I didn't understand what he meant so he painted me a very graphic picture. He wanted me to have sex with him. He wanted a blow job when he asked. He wanted to watch me strip whenever he called. He wanted to watch me masturbate for him. When he called I was to drop whatever I was doing and come to him. When he told me to I was to take off my clothes in the lounge and walk into his office naked. I wasn't to tell anybody about what I was doing, especially my husband and if I told anybody then our deal about the missing money was off and he would personally make sure that Randy and Jana were hurt. He didn't say how but I knew what he meant.

I told him that I couldn't do anything like that. I loved my husband and would never do anything to hurt him. He said he didn't care what my problems at home were but if I didn't do what he said then he would fire me and Randy and Jana would pay for my decision. He gave me until the next morning to decide.

I went home and thought about my predicament. I debated about telling Randy about my problem but decided that I had to handle this situation on my own. I also cried a lot. Randy just thought I wasn't feeling well so he took care of Jana and left me alone. I could see no alternative so the next day when we went through the wardrobe inspection I reluctantly said that I would do what he asked.

Before I left the office he said he wanted "a little taste." I backed away from him frightened. He just stood up and growled at me. He said that if I ever hesitated again or questioned him when he gave me an order to do something then I would pay for it dearly. If I moved again then he would fire me right then and there.

He walked in a circle around me looking me up and down as I stood there. He was behind me the first time he touched me. I jumped and he slapped my backside. "Don't ever do that ever again," was all he said. He gently rubbed my backside where he hit me. He rubbed my shoulders. He reached around under my arms and squeezed my breasts in his hands. Suddenly he stopped and went back to his desk and sat down. He said to get dressed and go back to work.

The next day he called me into his office. He was on the phone and motioned for me to come over and sit on his lap. When I did he started rubbing my back and shoulders. Before long he was squeezing my breasts. With one hand he unbuttoned my blouse and pulled it down in back and set it on the desk. I just sat there as he played with my breasts. He rubbed and pinched my nipples and made them stand up. This went on for quite a while and he never stopped talking. All I could do was stare at the walls and sit quietly. When he hung up the phone he kissed me gently on the neck and told me to go back to work. I picked up my blouse and went into the lounge to dress.

After lunch that day he called me in again. He was on the phone again but this time he was standing behind his desk. He put his hand over the mouthpiece and told me to strip for him. I remembered what he said yesterday about hesitating or questioning what he said, so I undressed. When I was standing there naked he put his hand over the mouthpiece again and told me to sit in the chair in front of him and masturbate. I started to cry again but I did what he asked as he watched. I played with myself but I couldn't cum because I was so embarrassed.

He finished the phone call and walked over to where I was sitting and told me to stand up. I stood in front of him and he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back and glared down into my eyes. He said that when he told me to do something I was to be enthusiastic. I was to enjoy myself and when I had an orgasm it was to be real, I was never to fake it. He let go of my hair and said that he had to punish me. He said to get dressed and go back to my desk. I was to leave my panties on his desk.

A little while later he called me on the phone. He said he wanted me to masturbate sitting at my desk while he listened. He wanted to hear me cum. He also said that my office door was to remain open. I didn't want to get him any madder at me than he already was so I reached under my desk, hiked my skirt up and moved one hand between my legs while holding the phone to my ear with the other. The desk hid what I was doing from the hallway so even if people did walk by occasionally they had no way of knowing what I was doing as long as I kept the expression on my face under control.

I stroked my pussy. It was getting wetter the more I stroked. I tried not to make any sounds or let my face show what I was doing but every so often a little noise would slip out. It was only a couple minutes before I started feeling that tingling sensation that told me that an orgasm was building. I stroked my pussy harder and faster under the desk. When I was on the verge of exploding I swiveled around on my chair to face the back of the office and spread my legs as wide as I could. I stroked harder and with a mighty grunt I let loose a strong orgasm. I moaned out loud and just sat there in my chair convulsing in ecstasy. Slowly, the grunts and groans subsided. I totally forgot about the phone at my ear until I heard Mr. Butcher say, "Good girl. Now I have a present for you so come in to my office naked at one o'clock."

A few minutes before one, I went into my lounge and undressed. I peeked through the door into his lounge and found it was empty. I then peeked through his office door and saw his standing in front of his desk. When he saw the door open he motioned for me to come in. I walked in wearing only my shoes.

He said how much he enjoyed my little telephone performance. He pointed downward and said to kneel in front of him. I knew what was next.

I'm not a stranger to blow jobs. My first was Jason in high school and I learned to really enjoy his warm hard cock in my mouth. He was also the fist to cum in my mouth. I dated a couple other guys after him but all they wanted to do was fuck and I never got to suck them off. Then I met Will in college. He was very demanding and rough and taught me how to do a lot of things with my mouth but most of all he taught me how to deep throat him. He always had me doing new things. He even made me give five of his sorority brothers blow jobs. That was the night he dumped me. He called me a whore. Not long ago I gave Mr. Santoni a blow job for the first time in his restaurant and that night his wife came in and caught us. I thought she was going to kill me but all she did was scream a lot in Italian and have her husband fire me. That's when I met Randy. He was always gentle and kind and thoughtful. With him I learned what it meant for both of us to enjoy my sucking and swallowing. I got so good I would make his toes curl.


Nuclear Response



I knelt and looked up at him as he unbuckled his pants and pulled them down along with his shorts. To my surprise his cock was the largest I've ever seen. It was way bigger than Randy's and that's saying something. I've always thought of Randy as well endowed but Mr. Butcher has a long thick penis that is way bigger than Randy's. He lifted it up and put it to my lips and said "suck." I gently took it in my mouth. It filled me more than I ever have been before. It was enormous. I choked several times as he kept trying to push it all the way in. He continued to stroke his cock in and out until I could feel him tense up. I knew what he was going to do so I prepared myself. When he came I swallowed immediately expecting a huge load but what I got was just a few drops. He had an enormous weapon but small ammunition.

After he came, and with the wave of his hand, he dismissed me. I went into the lounge, got in the shower, curled up on the floor as the water ran over me and cried. That was the first time I cheated on Randy. I just gave my boss a blow job and was torn up inside because although I hated doing it I was worried that somewhere deep down inside, I enjoyed it.

When I got home that night I just stared at Randy as he made supper and wondered what kind of a monster I had become. I just cheated on him. I hated what I did. I hated myself. I went to bed early and cried myself to sleep.

The next day Lloyd called me in his office again. He was standing beside his desk talking on the phone again and he told me to strip. As I stripped he pulled his pants down revealing his huge cock. He motioned for me to come over to his desk and made me face his desk and put my hands on the top. He moved around behind me to where I couldn't see him. I felt his hand rub my pussy; his hand was wet and warm. He must have licked it to make sure I was wet. I felt his body close to mine and something at the entrance to my pussy. He slowly pushed forward and slid his huge cock inside. All I could do was stand there with my mouth open stifling a scream. A little moan did slip out thought.

I have never had a cock inside me as big as his. Feeling it sliding in made me wet and hot. He started slowly stroking in and out and because I was getting aroused I added my own lubrication to his. At no time did he miss a beat in his conversation with whoever he was talking to. I spread my feet further apart and lowered my body to the desk to allow him to get deeper inside. He continued to pound his meat in and out until I felt the start of an orgasm. It took a few minutes but I came harder than I have in a very long time. I had to stifle a scream by putting my face in the crook of my arm and biting down but he just kept up the pounding even after I came. I came a second time just before he tensed and came inside me. He reached forward and put the phone in its cradle and hugged me from behind. His huge cock softened and fell out. When it was all over I showered again, I also cried again because I cheated again and this time had two orgasms. I couldn't help myself.

I know I'm on the road to hell but I can't find an exit ramp.

Over the next couple weeks I gave Lloyd blow jobs when he asked and he fucked me at least ten times. When he would call and tell me to I would undress in my lounge and walk into his office naked. I masturbated and came for him while he watched several times. I was getting more comfortable having sex with him like that even though I still cried afterwards, but I was feeling less and less guilty about what I was doing.

One day he called me into his office and we went into his lounge where he told me to lie on the couch. We fucked for the rest of the afternoon. He came inside me a couple times and I came too many times to count. At the end of the day he left me spread legged on the couch and went home.

The next day at lunch we had sex on the couch again. This time he said he wanted to fuck me from behind. I've never been a big fan of anal sex but when Randy asked I obliged. Now when Lloyd put that monster of a cock in my ass I was in another world altogether, the pain was excruciating but I loved it, I needed it. I never came with a cock in my ass before but I did with him, several times. Again at the end of the day he left me spread legged on the couch and went home, this time I was face down with a well used asshole.

We had sex of all sorts, in every position, and in every hole. I didn't have very much work to do so I had plenty of time to do whatever he wanted.

One day I went into his office and there was that internal auditor Carl Cashman. Lloyd said that he was telling Carl how wonderful my blow jobs were and I was to demonstrate by giving him one. I was more than flabbergasted. I agreed to have sex with Lloyd to save my ass from something that really didn't happen but I never agreed to be with anybody else. When I refused he told Carl to leave and come back in an hour. When we were alone again he didn't yell or threaten. He simply went over to his TV and put in a DVD and pressed play. The screen showed the two of us having sex on the couch in his lounge a couple days before. I could see my face clearly and it showed how much I was enjoying his thrusts. I could hear my screams as I came loudly. He said that he recorded every encounter between the two of us since we started and he would send the videos to my husband and my parents and have them distributed in the staff lounge if I didn't give Carl a blow job when he returned. I had no choice so when he returned I did. Carl had an average sized cock and it took no time at all to make him come. I don't remember if I cried or felt guilty about cheating on Randy. By then I was numb.

That was the start of Lloyd sharing me with others. Since that day I've given blow jobs to two other executive managers (Mr. Jenkins and Mr. Schmidt) and the head of sales (Peter Kensington.) I also had sex with Charles Hawkins (the head of accounting) bent over Lloyd's desk while he watched.

Lloyd told me that my duties had changed. In the future I would be available to any of the executive managers by appointment. I was to do whatever they wanted the same as with him. I would still be available to him whenever he wanted (without an appointment.) I was also to go with the management team on appointments and meetings and satisfy potential customers. I was to do whatever anybody wanted with anybody they wanted.

I was now officially a whore.

Well, that brings everything up to date. The reason for this journal entry is to document the events that led up to my becoming the Thompson company whore. From now on I'll try to write down everything I do and who I do it with. Maybe I can get out of this mess some day by using this record.

God, I'm sorry for what I'm doing to Randy. I know what he would do if he ever found out; he would divorce me and take Jana away from me. He would probably want to kill Lloyd too. I would be very lucky if that's all he did because Randy has a very strict and conservative moral code and I've violated it in a hundred ways. I hate myself for hurting him but I couldn't help it. I trusted Lloyd and he lied to me. I was manipulated and I was too dumb to see where I was headed. I'm in so deep now I can't even see the top of the hole.

I know that what I'm doing is very, very wrong but I just can't help myself. I can't stop. If I do then I could be hurting the two people that I love more than any other in the world; Randy and Jana. I don't care what would happen to me I just don't want them hurt.

Please God help me and find a way to forgive me.

********

I closed the journal and sat there on the bed. I didn't realize until right then that my shirt front was wet. The tears were still falling as I threw the journal across the room crashing into our wedding picture. My jaw was clenched and my fists balled up and shaking. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to scream. I wanted to kill that mother fucker Butcher. I wanted to strangle Jenni. At the same time I wanted to die.

Somehow, without thinking about it, I got up from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. The peanut butter and banana sandwich came back up violently. The only saving grace was that bananas taste the same coming up as going down. After my guts were empty I stuck my head in the shower and turned on the cold water. It had no affect clearing my head or making my pain easier but at least the vomit was off of my face.

I went back into the bedroom and picked up the journal and straightened the picture that I knocked over. I held the picture of Jenni in her wedding gown and thought how beautiful she was. Her beautiful long black hair was piled up on top of her head for the wedding but normally it flowed straight down her back. She had the sweetest smile with deep pools on each side that the word 'dimples' couldn't describe adequately. People have always compared her to Princess Diana with her regal nose and wide set eyes. I just thought that she was the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I touched her face behind the broken glass and set the frame back down.

I sat on the bed and opened the book to read some more. The phone rang.

"Hello Mr. Brooks, this is Wendy at James Street Elementary. Jana is here in the office waiting for you to pick her up. Kindergarten was over thirty minutes ago. We were worried when you didn't show up. Is everything all right?"

I looked down at my watch and cursed silently. "Yes, I just lost track of time. I'll be there in ten minutes. Thanks."

I tossed the journal on the pile of stuff that we needed for the weekend and grabbed the corners of the bed spread and lifted. I looked like some sort of a bargain basement Santa as I carried everything out to the car and dropped it in the trunk. As promised, in ten minutes I was walking into the James Street Elementary school.

Jana was sitting in a chair with her arms crossed looking quite mad. When she saw me come in, for a moment she gave me an angry sideways look, but her face softened and she ran to me and gave me the most wonderful hug. She didn't see the tear that fell on her back as she did.

The drive to mom's house usually takes only an hour by using the highways but I wanted to review what I just read and think about what I should do, so I took back roads the whole way. When I arrived Jana was asleep so I carried her up to the spare bedroom and told mom that I was going to start on the list of jobs. Ever since dad died I was the one that did mom's little maintenance jobs that she couldn't do by herself. I really just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

I worked well into the night. Mom brought me dinner in the middle of the backyard where I was cutting limbs out of her maple tree. All the time I thought about what I read. I was broken hearted. I had to stop work several times to wipe away the tears. I only read one entry dated 11 months ago but thought that if this started way back then how far has it gone? What more devastating news about my wife would I discover when I read the rest? I was in no hurry to find out that my life was over, if my marriage was over. Well after dark mom came out and sat next to me on the picnic table.

"What's wrong?" she asked gently.

All I could do was look at her in the dim light. Like a six year old whose favorite puppy just died I fell into her arms and cried. I didn't cry tears of a grown man but tears of a little boy that wanted his mommy to make things all right again. I cried on her shoulder and she held me and patted my head.

After crying on her shoulder for much too long I sat up and wiped my face. I looked down at the ground and said, "Mom, I just found out something about Jenni, something that makes me believe we can't be together any more. It's bad mom, real bad. I don't know what to do. Right now I want to kill her but I love her too much. I just can't stand idly by and let things continue like they are. I've got to do something, I just don't know what. I know I've got to be a man and do what I need to do but I don't know if I've got the strength. It's really a mess mom."

My mother has always had a serenity and wisdom about her. Usually wisdom comes with age but she's always had it. For some reason when everybody was running around like crazy screaming and hollering she was calm and serene. She always knew what to say in every situation to make things better. I've always trusted whatever she said. She looked up into my eyes and said what I knew to be right. She said, "Randy, I've always believed that you were a good man, maybe better than you think you are. If you say that you have a problem with Jenni then I believe you have it within yourself to fix it. You may have to forgive her for whatever it was she did or your may have to cut your losses and run. Either way I know you can and will do the right thing. Just remember two things. First, don't do anything that would hurt that little girl of yours. Jana is a wonderful child and she needs her father. Second, I'll always be here for you, I've got your back if you need."

I paused to think about what she said. I knew it had deeper meaning than just the words she used so that meant I would have one more thing to think about this weekend.

"Thanks mom. I knew I could count on you to tell your little boy to be a man. I'll do what I have to and I promise Jana won't be hurt."

We walked arm in arm through the dark back yard to the house. She went into the living room and I went to check on Jana.

March 15, 2008 (Saturday)

I didn't sleep much, maybe a few minutes here and there, so that's why I felt like shit as I sat on the edge of the bed watching the sun come up through the window. I could smell mom's fried apples drawing me down to breakfast so I got up, cleaned up, and went downstairs.

"Morning," I said.

"Good morning. I won't ask how you slept because I could hear you tossing and turning all night. Just eat your breakfast. You'll figure it out."

"Thanks mom. Oh, after I finish my work today can you watch Jana for a little while? I want to walk back to the old grotto. I won't do anything stupid; I promise I'll be back. I just want to be alone for a while and think. That's all."

"OK but you be careful. I don't want to have to go back there and drag you home like after your father's viewing. Just relax and do what you have to do. Jana and I will have a wonderful day."

It was just after lunch time that I finished all of the little jobs on the list and then a few more that I found to do. Mom and Jana had gone grocery shopping so I grabbed Jenni's journal and a couple beers out of the fridge and started walking toward the woods.

When I was a kid I used to go back to the edge of the grotto to be by myself when the weight of the world was on me. When I was growing up it was my safe harbor, a place where I could think and make decisions. Sometimes my best friend and I would sit on the edge for hours and hours and talk about what we planned to do when we grew up. Life seemed to look better when you were staring down into a 150 foot hole.

I sat with my back against a rock and looked out over the edge. It hadn't changed much since the last time I was here, just after my father's funeral. I took a long drink of one of the beers and opened the journal.

The entries after the first added nothing to what I already knew or helped with the dilemma that I was in. She gave names of the men she had sex with and what she did and how many times. For the most part they were dry and emotionless but once in a while she expressed how wonderful something felt or how much fun she had. She still sounded remorseful when she wrote about me though. As the entries went along, the writing seemed to become more and more relaxed, more matter of fact. The things she did however were absolutely amazing. I came to one entry and read.

Journal Entry Dated October 20, 2007 (Saturday)

This past week was absolutely, fucking amazing. I would have never believed I had it in me to do what I did, but I did. Well, let's see, where to begin? OK, Friday a week ago Lloyd said that we were going to go around and deliver the fiscal year end bonuses to the salesmen in the region. Every day we were going to drive to a different branch office and meet with the sales staff. I was to dress extra nice for the meetings.

On Monday we went to the western region branch office. We met with the four salesmen (Jim Grey, Pauli Sandusky, Melvin Mockabee, John?) and the department sales manager (Norman Grey). Lloyd told them how proud he was that they were the top producing branch this year and he was there to deliver their bonuses. He said that this year there was an added bonus. He said that every one of them could spend two hours in a hotel room with me in addition to the check he handed them. They could do whatever they wanted. As a little incentive he had me stand and strip to the waist. All but one of the men was salivating like a pack of dogs as I stood there bare-chested. He encouraged the men to sample their bonus by touching what they saw, but no more. The rest of me was reserved for later on that day. All but one came up and squeezed my breasts and played with my nipples. Lloyd had the men worked up in frenzy.

When he told me to get dressed again the one man that didn't want to participate was gone. Lloyd gave me a key and said to go to the hotel and wait. An hour later the first man came and we fucked like rabbits. I only came two times but he was a great fuck. He left and the next man arrived a while later. He was a bit shy and all I did was give him a blow job and talk. After he left the third man showed up and I sucked and fucked him like I never have anybody before. His cock was almost as big as Lloyd's, but not quite. I had at least three orgasms. When he left I was sure I couldn't cum any more and then the department sales manager showed up. I guess that's what it means to be a manager. He managed to fuck my ass for over an hour before he left inside me what seemed like a gallon of cum. The stuff continued to leak out for the rest of the day. He was the first man to show me what ass-to-mouth meant. I was a bit horrified the first time he took his cock out of my ass and put it in my mouth but it became no big deal after three or four more times, it just became part of what we did. When I cleaned him up after he came in my ass I tasted both his fluids and my own. I was surprised; it didn't taste like shit at all. It tasted musky, somewhat like sweat.

I was an exhausted woman when Lloyd came back to the room that evening. Of course I fucked him before we drove home.

On Tuesday we went to the southern region branch office. Their sales manager (Sid Green) and the four salesmen (Eric Green, Ian Stone, Leroy Johnson, Sam Shadusky) met with Lloyd and me and we went through the same routine. Lloyd gave out the checks and I stripped to the waist while they played with my tits. Afterwards all five of them took turns fucking me in our hotel room. They didn't show up one at a time like the guys on Monday. They all showed up and I took turns fucking someone while sucking another. When one came inside me another took his place and the spent man got ready for the next round. Oh, and Leroy was the first black man that I ever fucked. I've heard all the rumors that black men are supposed to be well hung but he was just average sized. Randy is bigger than him.

I was too tired to perform for Lloyd when he came back to the room so he just jerked off and came on me before helping me in and out of the shower. When we drove home I slept the entire way.

On Wednesday we went to the central region branch office. There was a major shock in store for me there. The office consisted of two men (Hiram Leibowitz, Evan Mann) and two women (Lynn Teasdale, Sandra Miller) and the sales manager was also a woman (Mona Johnson). Lloyd made the same presentation as he did the previous two days. This time I felt a bit awkward standing there topless in front of three other women. I did it but I still felt weird. I went back to the hotel room wondering if the women would show up. The first person at the door was the sales manager. She said that Lloyd told her that I had never been with a woman before so she volunteered to teach me. I spent the next two hours learning how to kiss another woman, how to caress and suck a woman's breasts, how to use my fingers on their pussy and their ass, and how to lick every bit of energy out of their bodies by eating them and making them cum. She was kind and patient with me. In the end she said I had a talented mouth and when I licked her pussy it was like no other woman she had ever been with. She left me a $100 tip. The next to show up was one of the other saleswomen and I used on her what I had just learned and she left very satisfied. She too left me a $100 tip. The other saleswoman arrived and she just wanted to eat me. I didn't have to do anything to her she was just enamored with my pussy. She even put a finger up my ass as she licked. I had one incredible orgasm when she did that. I got another $100 when she left. After the last saleswoman left the two men showed up and I fucked them both at the same time, one in my pussy and the other in my ass. They took great delight in switching places. I've had two men in me at the same time before and usually I had one or two orgasms, but with these two I didn't cum at all. They left a $100 tip and went away with big smiles on their faces. Cheap skates!




Nuclear Response



I wasn't satisfied and when Lloyd came back I fucked his brains out.

Thursday was a bit different. We went to the northern region branch office. They had the worst sales record in the company. Lloyd wanted to give them an incentive for next year instead of giving them a reward for this year's poor performance. Lloyd berated the salesmen with the figures for the past year and how they didn't measure up to the other regions. He had all three of the men before him cowering in fear. At the end he pointed at the sales manager and said that he was responsible for next year's sales figures. If they improved this is what each man would get. He whispered in my ear for me to stand up and go over to the men and strip. They were surprised to say the least when they saw my blouse hit the floor. I think I had their attention as I unzipped my skirt and lowered it to the floor. I walked in front of one of the men and bent over and pulled my panties to the floor sticking my ass right in his face. He about fainted. I walked around the table to where Lloyd was sitting and stood behind him. Lloyd told them that if they had improved sales figures next year they could have me for an evening.

Again Lloyd whispered in my ear. He had a sheepish grin as I sat down and masturbated while the three salesmen watched. They weren't allowed touch me or themselves. I started rubbing my pussy and tried to keep eye contact with the losers but I couldn't cum that way so I closed my eyes and soon I was moaning and jerking around in the chair with what would be the day's only orgasm. I dressed and we left. Lloyd said he thinks they got the point.

Friday was a repeat of Thursday at the city regional branch office. Lloyd yelled at the staff, I stripped and masturbated, and we left. On the drive back home I gave Lloyd a blow job as he drove. He almost ran off the road when he came in my mouth.

All in all this was a pretty amazing week. I got to do things I've only fantasized about. I fucked five men at a time, I fucked a woman, I fucked a black man, and I earned $400 in tips. But most importantly I came so many times I couldn't keep count.

I still felt awful about cheating on Randy, afterwards. When I was with someone I became a totally different person and really put a lot of enthusiasm into whatever we did. When it was all over I reverted back to myself and felt like I just wanted to die. I'm like two different people, the work 'me' who fucks and sucks everybody I'm told to (I hate that person) and the other 'me', a loving wife and mother (that's the real me.) I now don't feel anything when I'm doing what I do at work. I guess that's what being a whore means.

********

I put the journal down and stared out over the gorge. This would be a perfect place to end it all I thought. Nobody would find the body for a long time, if ever. But why was I thinking about ending my life, I didn't do anything wrong. That rat bastard Lloyd Butcher and Jenni did. I shouldn't be the one to suffer for what they did, they should. But I was suffering.

Jenni's writing sounded less and less remorseful, it sounded like she enjoyed what she did. I wonder if she enjoyed it more than being with me. I'll have to ask her that when she gets back Sunday.

I decided that when she gets back I'll confront her. If she denies anything or doesn't tell me the truth I'll take Jana and come live with mom. Divorce is too kind of an end for her for what she did to us. Then Monday I'll go beat the shit out of Mr. Lloyd Butcher.

I picked up the journal and read. Jenni's exploits were exhausting. She entertained all of the managers at a managers-only Christmas party fucking and sucking everybody all night long. For New Years Eve she was in a hotel room for the use of any company employee that wanted her, and judging from what she wrote there were over twenty men and women that did want her, over and over and over. Afterwards she sucked off every man at the party, a little New Years gift from management. No wonder I wasn't invited.

She entertained customers in her lounge or at their hotel rooms or at their place of business throughout the year. She fucked and sucked and licked her way through most of the employees where she worked. She even screwed a pizza delivery guy as a tip after he brought pizzas to a meeting. She fucked the town's chief of police and a couple of his deputies as payment for something they did for the company. At one management retreat she put on a performance with a group of male and female strippers that, in her words, "will remain in the memories of everyone that saw it for the rest of their lives."

Her writing told me a lot about what she was thinking, whether she intended to or not. I could almost read her mind. I read about a split personality; however the only personality I ever saw was the one she displayed at home. I don't know if I would like the other one.

The last journal entry was just a week ago. She was out of town this weekend at a company function so you could bet the farm that she was the center of everybody's attention again. I know I couldn't stand to hear any more about her exploits. I just wanted to be out of my misery.

I closed the journal and closed my eyes. The images of every sex act she wrote about swirled around in my head. All I could see was my beautiful Jenni with a cock in her mouth and another in her ass. I could hear her tell her lovers how much she enjoyed their cocks and their cunts. I could almost smell her musky sexy aroma. I leaned over the gorge and threw up the first beer and what little breakfast remained. When I was empty again I cleaned my mouth out with a swig of beer and then lay down in the weeds and cried.

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself about then. I had no clue that any of this was going on. How could I have not known? How had I missed the signs? I could look back now and see things that maybe should have made me suspicious but I had no reason to doubt or mistrust Jenni. But I couldn't mistrust her, hell I loved her. She always told me when she had a problem so maybe she didn't think what she was doing was a problem. We never fought. She always kept up with her part of the household duties. She was always a great mother to Jana. Sure, our sex life has fallen off some but I figured that it was a byproduct of our working so hard. I wonder how many times I got sloppy seconds. I never attended any of her company events usually because I wasn't invited or I passed it up because I'm not much of a party-person. What else did I miss?

I also felt like this was partly my fault. The men in her life always manipulated Jenni pretty easily but when we married I vowed to never take advantage of her naïve nature. I didn't want to do to her what other men had done. He father dominated every aspect of her life until she went away to college and that included the way she dressed, school activities, and dating. At college she was free to do what she wanted but she hooked up with a guy that was just like her father, domineering and controlling. He took advantage of her emotionally and sexually before tossing her aside like yesterday's newspaper. He made her do things that would rival some of the exploits in her journal. He crushed her spirit by dumping her. Even her college swim coach had some after-hours private instructions that were nothing more than opportunities to watch her swim in the nude while he jerked off. I met her just after the owner of the restaurant she worked in fired her after his wife found out that he was photographing her in the nude in his restaurant after hours. She was very trusting and believed everyone, especially men. When they handed her a line, she fell for it.

I guess I wasn't paying attention to the men around her.

I never felt more like an idiot than I did at that moment. Someone said that hindsight was 20 - 20. Hindsight sucks!

March 16, 2008 (Sunday)

Mom walked us to the car as we left.

"Randy, please call and let me know what's happening and don't do anything to get yourself into trouble. I know you'll find a solution. I love Jenni just as much as you do but if half of what you told me about last night is true then she's changed and isn't the same Jenni you married. I trust your judgment. Remember you've got Jana to worry about."

"I'll call mom."

Jana and I got home in the afternoon and played for the rest of the day in the backyard. She was totally exhausted by the time I put her to bed for the night. I grabbed a couple beers and went to the living room to wait for my wife to come home from work.

At 9 o'clock the front door opened and Jenni stepped through carrying her suitcase.

"Hi honey," she said as she set her bag down. "How was your weekend? Did our little girl behave herself?"

I looked up from my beer and said "My weekend was probably not as good as yours. I got fucked by only one person, you probably had dozens."

She looked at me like I had just grown a second head. "What's that crack supposed to mean? I was working all weekend. I'm tired and the flight back was lousy. Now I come home to your weirdness. What the hell?"

I reached under the chair and got the journal and flung it across the room like a Frisbee. It nearly hit her in the head as it whizzed by and crashed into the china cabinet. She stood there with her mouth open staring at me like head three just appeared. I didn't move. She turned and went to the china cabinet. When she saw what just destroyed the glass front and the wine glasses from our wedding she froze. She didn't do anything for a long time. Finally she reached into the mass of broken glass and picked up the journal. The next thing she did surprised me. She quietly walked out the back door.

I got up and looked out the kitchen window and saw her sitting in the little swing set clutching the journal to her chest and sobbing violently. I was in no mood to interfere with her so I went back out to the living room and started beer number two.

I finished beer two and started number three when I heard the back door open. Jenni came in and sat down across from me and put the journal on the coffee table. I didn't know nor care if she was all cried out or not but her face was all red and puffy and the mascara from her eyes was streaming down her cheeks. Her normally well kept hair was a mess. Her bottom lip was quivering and she was still breathing heavily.

She looked down at the book and spoke with a hoarse voice. "Now you know. What are you going to do?"

I glared across at her and said, "I haven't decided yet. But whatever I do will be big, you might say epic."

"Are you going to divorce me?" she asked quietly.

"Like I just said, I haven't decided yet."

She looked up, caught my eye and said, "I'm almost glad you know. I never wanted to get in as deep as I am. I never wanted to hurt you, hurt us, but I did. I know what I did. I know what I am and I have no excuses. I never wanted to start. I just want it all to end. I want to go back to being a normal working mother. I'm tired of everything: all the sex, all the lies, all the people controlling my life. I want to be with you and Jana, but I'm afraid that I've totally screwed that up. You will never know how sorry I am for what I did, what I am. Randy, talk to me. Please say something."

"I read your journal, everything, and I have a couple questions. First was this weekend another fuck and suck for your journal?"

She bowed her head and said, "Yes."

"I was pretty sure but I had to ask. I don't want to know the details but I do want to know something very important. Did you do it voluntarily and did you enjoy it?"

"This weekend was a management retreat and was set up a long time ago. I had to be there, I'm part of the team."

"Yeah, the part that spends all the time on her back with her legs spread. Some team member."

She didn't reply to that, she just looked down at the table.

I watched her sitting there and said, "You didn't answer my question. Did you enjoy it? Did you do it because you wanted to? From what I read it seemed like you're really into all the shit you do and get off a lot doing it. You seem to be enjoying yourself way more than we ever did. Is that true?"

"No! I didn't enjoy it more than we ever did, just differently. Randy I love you; I never wanted to hurt you. I'll admit that I do enjoy the attention and the sex but it's different than what you and I do. You and I make love. Everyone else, well... it's... and besides... aw shit... no matter what I say or how I say it I come off as a lying cheating whore. Well, I am a whore. I am a liar. I am a cheater. I can't deny it; I do enjoy it when I'm with someone. I still do it because I have to, but, I never enjoyed lying to you. There, I said it. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"I'm not sure what I wanted to hear. I just didn't want to hear any bullshit lies. I'll give you one thing; I don't think you're lying. I don't think you could lie your way out of this mess anyway."

We sat in silence for a long time.

"So, Is there an 'us' anymore?" she asked softly.

"Honestly I don't see how there can be. You put your whore life ahead of your family. I was lied to all these months and probably the laughing stock of everybody that came inside you. You abandoned Jana and me for a long line of cocks. No, I don't see any way to be 'us' again. The 'us' you're talking about ceased to exist the minute you got down on your knees in front of that dirt bag Butcher. I was just too stupid to notice."

Jenni fell over onto the couch sobbing into the cushion.

"And speaking of Butcher, I plan to go to work with you on Monday and beat the shit out of him as you clean out your desk. From what you wrote he blackmailed you into doing all of this. He was responsible for getting you into this mess, but you were responsible for staying there. I've always believed that everybody involved in a bad situation has to pay. I don't know how many men and women you've been with but each and every one of them is just as guilty as Butcher. I want to punish everybody but Butcher will have to do for now.

Let me tell you something I remember from a long time ago. During the time of the Cold War politicians had a term for what I want to do. They called it 'The Nuclear Response'. If someone did something against the United States then the retaliation would be swift and devastating. One atomic bomb and the problems were gone; so were all of the enemies and so were a lot of innocent people. If I had an atom bomb I would shove it up Butcher's ass and press the button. That's what I want to do, I want to make everybody pay and pay dearly and I don't give a shit about collateral damage. I don't know how realistic that is so I'll start by beating the shit out of that asshole on Monday."

"Randy, don't do anything stupid, he's a powerful man with a lot of friends. You might get into something you can't get out of, just like me."

"Monday, one way or the other, I'll end this shit. Now get out of my sight. I don't want you near me. You can sleep in the spare bedroom from now on. Just get the fuck out of my sight."

Jenni ran from the room sobbing followed closely by the sound of the spare bedroom door slamming.

I got up and got another couple beers. I wasn't going to sleep very well so I might as well sleep tight.

March 17, 2008 (Monday)

Jenni sat quietly as we drove to her work. She spent the night crying. I knew that because every time I got up to go to the bathroom I heard her. Her id badge got us into the building and past the guard. Jenni went to her office and I walked past the receptionist and into Butcher's office. He was sitting behind his desk smiling. I didn't know what to make of it but it didn't matter, I was going to jump over his desk and start wailing away.

Before I could take two steps something grabbed me around the neck and pulled me backwards to the floor. I felt something very heavy on my chest and looked up to see a huge man dressed in a security guard's uniform sitting there and another was using his knee to hold my head down to the floor. No matter how much I struggled I was pinned under 500 pounds of muscle, so I gave up.

I was looking up as Butcher's face came into view overhead. He looked down at me and smiled and said, "I was wondering when you would show up, I've been expecting you. The guard at the front door called when he saw you come in. The two gentlemen holding you down are part of my personal guard. They will do anything I ask, including breaking your neck and finding that cute little daughter of yours and doing something you wouldn't want to know about. As for that slut you call your wife, she's mine, I own her. She's mine to do what I want with and you can't do anything about it. I've got a good thing going here with her as my personal whore and if you try to interfere in any way I'll have you gutted and thrown in the nearest dumpster. Then I'll make sure your little Jana never sees the second grade. Do you understand what I'm saying here asshole?"

All I could do was mumble. I still wanted to get up and kill the bastard but I was outnumbered and outgunned.

"Well mister brave husband to the rescue let me just show you what I mean."

I couldn't see very well from the floor but I heard him say, "Jenni, come in here."

A door opened and I heard Jenni say, "Oh my God, no! Please don't hurt him, please no!"

Butcher yelled, "Shut up and get over here. I want to give your hubby a little demonstration."

The two overstuffed guards wrestled me into a sitting position and lifted and placed me in a chair. One handcuffed my hands behind me and the other cuffed my feet to the legs of the chair. Someone shoved a gag in my mouth. I was facing Butcher and Jenni as the two guards stood behind me with one hand on each of my shoulders.

"Now, Jenni I want you to show your little hero here just what kind of work you do for us. So strip and get down on your knees. Now!"

She stood and looked at me for a long time when Butcher reached up and grabbed a hand full of her long black hair and pulled her head to his face. He whispered something in her ear. I don't know what he said but she immediately stepped forward and started unbuttoning her blouse. Tears streamed down her face as she dropped the garment on the floor behind her. She reached up and unhooked her bra and let it fall forward. Then she reached behind and unzipped her skirt and with one motion pulled down the skirt and her panties around her feet. She just stood there naked in front of all of us. I could hear the guards snickering when Butcher smacked her on the bottom. She jumped forward and looked sadly at me and turned and slowly knelt in front of Butcher. He reached down and unbuckled his pants and took his cock out and shoved it in her face. She put her lips around it and sucked him slowly at first but after a few strokes started bobbing her head up and down wildly, all the time crying and moaning.

I tried to struggle against the chair to get out and kill that bastard when the lights went out. I didn't know what hit me but that's all I remembered from the office.

The next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital room. There was an I.V. in my left arm and my right arm was in a cast. I could only see out of one eye and my mouth felt like it was full of cotton. When I tried to yell out for a nurse or somebody nothing came out. The door opened and a police officer walked in. When he got close enough for my one eye to focus on I noticed that he was the local chief of police. He walked over to me and smiled.

"How are you Mister Brooks? Not in too much pain I hope. You're probably wondering what happened. Well we found you in your car off of Mayfield Road in the ditch. It looks like you swerved to avoid a deer. Well that's the story we filed down at the office. But you and I know better, don't we. See Lloyd Butcher is my brother and he's done a lot for me. One of those things was a fun filled evening with that cute little wife of yours. So I want to keep on old Lloyd's good side and keep on porking your old lady. That's why when he called and told me you fell down a flight of stairs I was only too happy to take care of things for him. But I didn't want him involved in any way that's why you ran off the road. Now just so you understand me, if you don't go along with my little story then I'll have to pay a visit to your home and find some illegal drugs or kiddie porn or something that your neighbors wouldn't be too pleased about. Keep quiet and let my brother-in-law do what he wants and nobody gets hurt, especially you or that lovely daughter of yours. Capiche?"




Nuclear Response



 Capitulation

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.  Jeannette Rankin



March 19, 2008 (Wednesday)

Jenni drove me home and helped me to get into bed. I had a broken arm, broken jaw, two broken ribs and several bruises and scrapes and I needed all the help I could get. I just didn't want it to be her. Hell I hadn't seen her since she was on her knees in front of Butcher with his cock in her mouth. She showed up to take me home without a word where she's been for the last two days, I didn't ask either, and I didn't care any more. I didn't say a word to her and she didn't say anything to me. She just looked sad.

I couldn't talk and I couldn't eat. I just laid there and listened to my mother's voice in my head saying to not do something stupid. I did and look where it got me. Jenni avoided me when she was home and little Jana helped whenever I asked for something to drink.

March 22, 2008 (Saturday)

I was able to get around by myself a bit and moved to the living room. Around 6 o'clock the front door opened and Jenni walked in. Closely behind her were the same two guards that danced all over me and then Butcher.

Butcher held out a small gift bag and placed it next to the chair where I was sitting.

"It's just a small get well present. I don't want my favorite employee to feel that we're neglecting her little husband. It's some DVD's for you to look at while you're incapacitated. I know you'll enjoy watching them, almost as much as we enjoyed making them."

Jenni just looked at the floor as he stood over me gloating.

"Jenni dear, would you please go into the kitchen and get me something to drink, my throat is awfully dry. And stay in there until I call you. Oh, now don't worry; we're only going to talk. Now go on."

Jenni left and Butcher pulled up the coffee table and sat down.

"OK Randy, you don't mind if I call you Randy do you? Well Randy here's what's going to happen from now on. Jenni is going to continue working for me. She's going to do what she did before but since you now know I can expand her duties a bit. Before she only fucked people during work hours. Now she can work in the evenings and on weekends too. If I call and tell her to go somewhere, she will go. If I tell her she's to work the weekend, she will work the weekend. If she is to travel for business, then she travels. If you make one bit of trouble then, well you know what happened before. It may happen again. It may happen to someone else too. Just be quiet, live your life like the worm husband you are and don't make waves. I get real mad when someone makes waves. You don't want me to get mad now do you?"

I didn't say a word. I just glared back at him with all the hate I could muster.

"Good, we understand one another. Now is there anything you want to say to me before we go?"

The bandage around my jaw didn't make talking very easy but I managed. "Yeah, but your two goons there prevent me from speaking my mind."

"Oh, don't worry about them. They won't do anything, this time. So speak up my boy."

"OK, here's what I have to say, a quote that seems appropriate. I must not only punish, but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who had done the wrong."

Butcher and his goons just stood there looking at me like I was a monster from outer space. Then he smiled and said, "Ah the little worm is a bookworm too. Just say what you want to say in plain English."

"What I'm saying shithead is that I'm going to get you one day. I'm going to get everybody. I'm going to make you all pay for what you did to Jenni and what you put me through. So if I were you I'd be constantly looking over my shoulder. Mark my word; I'm going to nuke you and everybody in your little sex company. Everyone's going to pay and pay dearly. And there will be one hell of a lot of collateral damage. Mark my words."

"And just how do you plan to accomplish this? A pussy like you can't even protect his own wife let alone take revenge on hundreds of people. You're all talk, asshole. Jenni, come back in here."

Jenni came back in the room and sat down.

"It seems like your little hubby wants to play the hero. He wants to protect you and make sure bad men like me get their just rewards. It's all bullshit of course but I just want to tell you that your work hours have expanded. We'll talk about the details tomorrow but suffice it to say that Randy here is going to be sleeping alone a lot from now on. Now, go get ready, you have an appointment at the Crown Plaza at nine. A client of ours from Detroit is in town for the weekend and I promised him you'd visit. Dress nice. He's an important client. Now go."

Jenni looked sadly at me and turned and went upstairs.

Butcher smiled and patted me on the head as he and his two goons left.

An hour later Jenni walked in the room looking beautiful but sad. "I have to go. I don't know when I'll be back. Randy, I'm really sorry things got like this. I never expected our lives to turn out like they did. I love you and never want to see you hurt. I know you are hurting beyond belief and for that I'll be eternally sorry. I know you want to leave and can't so I'll try to bargain with Lloyd to see if you can get away and take Jana with you. I'll do whatever I have to even if it means whoring for him on the streets. I don't know if I can make it work but I'll try. Please don't do anything until I see what I can do. Please, for my sake. I don't want to watch them hurt you again. Just wait."

She turned to leave and stopped. She turned around and asked, "Randy, what was that quote you said to Lloyd? What did you mean?"

I just looked sadly from the little bag of DVD's beside the chair up to her face looking her square in the eyes and said, "It's a quote from Edgar Allan Poe, the story is 'The Cask of Amontillado.' What it means is that I'm going to get my revenge on everyone that has wronged me. It will be swift and devastating. And nobody will ever know what I did."

She just stared at me for the longest time. Tears welled up in her eyes knowing full well that I meant her as well.

"I want you to know that I still love you," she said. "I hope that when this is all over we can try to get back to a normal life as husband and wife. I know the healing will be difficult but I want you and me to be 'us' again. I believe we can, I hope so at least."

She bowed her head as she turned and left.

She didn't come home that night. And many nights following that night she didn't come home.

March 25, 2008 (Tuesday)

The little bag full of DVDs that Butcher brought me was still sitting next to the chair. I had no interest in seeing her in action. I already knew from her journal what she did; I didn't need to see it. She told me she did it against her will. She told me she enjoyed what she did. She told me she was sorry for hurting me. She asked me not to do anything and just wait until she sorted things out. She said she was a whore. She cheated. She lied. She hurt me.

But, I didn't care any more, I was past caring. I just wanted for her to hurt as much as I did. I just wanted everybody involved to pay. I wanted my revenge. I couldn't think of anything else but revenge. Going back to the way we were was impossible.

I calmly got up and took the bag of DVDs and hid them in the back of my bedroom closet. I wanted them out of my sight. But I thought I might need them later.

April 27, 2008 (Sunday)

My broken bones had almost healed; at least I was no longer wearing a bandage on my chin so I could eat normal food with only a little discomfort. The cast will come off my arm in a few days.

Jenni staggered in about 6 o'clock this morning and fell into bed exhausted. She didn't even bother to take her clothes off. She's been doing that a lot lately. I just closed her bedroom door. I think she spent more time away from home now than at home. I noticed these things and logged the pattern of her activities because I was still planning what to do.

I had a kernel of a plan in mind. It would take out all of those responsible for my pain all at once, even Jenni. This will be my own nuclear response. I needed to find out one more thing before I set everything in motion.

I knew in my heart that Jenni was simply the victim in this but I didn't care anymore. Maybe Butcher was responsible for getting her into the mess in the first place but she was equally responsible for continuing to do the things he wanted. It seemed to me that she grew to want it as much as he did and chose her life at work over her life at home. That made any chance of forgiving her or staying with her impossible. I just wanted to get as far away from her as I could.

********

It was almost sundown and I was enjoying a beautiful spring day sitting in the backyard in Jana's swing set when Jenni came out the back door.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I replied.

She walked over and sat on the little picnic table next to the swing set.

"I haven't seen you in a while," she said. "I've been very busy lately. I'm really sorry about everything. I really messed up our lives. I miss you and Jana. I think about the both of you all the time now. I know you don't give a rat's ass about me but I still care about you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to get you out of this mess but Lloyd insists that we pretend to be a happily married couple. I think he's just being a dick because he can be. How are you holding up?"

I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to be near her. I just wished she would go away and I could get on with my life, apart from her and that damned company, but I still felt something for her.

"I'll survive," I muttered. "Can I ask you a question? Have you kept up the journal I read? It's important for me to know but I can't tell you why right now."

"Uh, yes I have the best I could. Some times I don't remember things too clearly or I don't get a person's name. But I write in it whenever I can."

"Do you still keep it in the same place? I won't go looking for it I just want to know in case something happens and I need names and dates."

"Yes, it's under the nightstand in my bedroom."

"OK, that's all. Would you like something to eat?"

She looked at me for a moment and then put her hands over her face. She started crying. "I'm sorry," she said. "But that's the first normal thing you've said to me since you found out. Yes, I would love something to eat."

We ate together as a family for the first time in over a month. Jana and Jenni talked and I just sat quietly. One dinner doesn't make us a family again. We were just three people that shared the same house and for a moment the same table.

It won't be like that forever.

April 28, 2008 (Monday)

I sat alone in my bed reviewing my plan. It was perfect and sure to do everything I wanted. All I had to do was be patient and not waver from the path once it was set in motion.

My plan would allow me to be free of Jenni without worrying about Butcher. It would leave her behind to suffer the consequences of her actions. It would allow me to take Jana and move far away and start over again. It will also make all of those that took advantage of her suffer. The suffering would be monumental.

I picked up the phone and made a call.

May 7, 2008 (Wednesday)

Jenni came home from work looking as she usually did those days, well fucked. Her hair was a mess and her makeup was all over the place. Sometimes she came home with her clothes buttoned wrong or torn. One time she came home without her blouse, she said she lost it somewhere. She just waved at me and went up to her room. In a few minutes she was in the shower. I never moved - I just sat patiently in the living room.

A few minutes later she came down the stairs. I got up and walked over to her and said, "Butcher called while you were in the shower and left you a message. He said you were to go to the Hilton on Parkway and see a friend of his named Manny. The next time you talk to that son-of-a-bitch tell him that I'm not his fucking messenger boy. If he wants you to go somewhere he'll have to talk to you himself. From now on, I'm out of the loop."

I handed her the message written on a little piece of paper and went back to my chair. Jenni turned around and went back upstairs.

Thirty minutes later she was dressed and out the door. She didn't say a word.

I sat in the living room in the dark and cried thinking about what I had done. The beer didn't help.

May 24, 2008 (Saturday)

I could hear the retching all the way in the kitchen. Jenni was in the bathroom upstairs throwing up breakfast. A few minutes later she came in the room.

"Randy, I'm sick. I mean really sick. I've got a fever, my throat hurts and I ache all over. I think I've got the flu that's going around. If I do then I'll be miserable for a couple days and then it will be over. I don't want Jana or you to get it so please stay away. Can you get me something for my throat and some Tylenol, please? I can't go out or to work like this so I'll just stay in bed until it's gone."

"Go back to bed, I can take care of Jana and I'll get you something."

She went upstairs and I took Jana out for an ice cream and a visit to the pharmacy.

May 30, 2008 (Friday)

I got up to go to take Jana to school and go to work like I usually do and found that Jenni had already left. This was the first time she's been out of the house since last weekend. Obviously her flu was gone or she wouldn't have gone to work. But maybe Butcher called and reminded her that she wasn't keeping everybody happy down at the office and she just had to work through whatever she had. Whatever, I just had to keep doing what I was supposed to do and act like the devoted husband. I didn't want to land in the hospital again, or worse.

December 25, 2008 (Thursday)

Summer and fall had come and gone. Jenni was working harder than ever, sometimes away from home for days at a time. She was looking thinner and more haggard every time I saw her. We rarely spoke to one another. Whenever she could Jenni would take our little girl to the park or shopping or anywhere they could be together. She always came back with a smile.

We celebrated a very quiet Christmas. Jana didn't notice any difference because Santa brought her the Barbie doll she wanted; and Barbie's house, and Barbie's Corvette, and Ken. Jana was in Barbie heaven.

I told Jenni that I didn't want anything from her but she gave me an expensive gold pen and pencil set anyway. I didn't get her anything.

In the afternoon Jana and I went over to mom's for dinner. Jenni wasn't welcome at her house any more so she stayed home. Mom knew everything that was happening and now she refused to even talk to Jenni. I think if she could mom would strangle her.

We had a lovely dinner and mom gave Jana Barbie's best friend Skipper.

 Detonation

Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds. J. Robert Oppenheimer

February 13, 2009 (Friday)

I was working at my desk doing the incredibly boring task of updating the course catalog on the company web site when there was a knock at my office door. I looked up and saw a man that I had never seen before.

"Mister Brooks? Mister Randolph Brooks?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm Randy. What can I do for you?"

"I'm detective Archer from the state police. Is your wife Jennifer Brooks?"

"Yes, what's this all about?"

"Sir, I regret to inform you that your wife has been killed. Now we don't know all the details but I can tell you what we do know on the way to the hospital. You need to come with me now."

I just sat there and looked at him. I'm sure I looked like an idiot but I didn't know what to do or say. I tried to stand but couldn't. I reached for the phone but didn't know how to operate it. The detective put his hand out and on top of mine on the useless phone.

"Sir, I'm sorry for your loss but you need to come with me. Can I call someone for you or tell someone here?"

"Uh, yeah, I need to tell my boss. Uh, I need to call someone to pick up my daughter at school. Oh shit, I can't..."

Somehow between the two of us I informed my boss of my problem and got a neighbor to pick up Jana. The detective walked me out to his car and drove to the hospital. On the way he told me what he knew.

"Mister Brooks I'm sure this will be hard to hear but it seems that your wife's boss killed her as she sat at her desk. According to witnesses he assaulted from behind with a large heavy object. He struck her over and over before some of the other employees pulled him off. She never regained consciousness. She died on the way to the hospital. We don't have a motive yet but the building was sealed and detectives are trying to find out the details. You wouldn't have any information that could help our investigation would you?"

I just sat quietly watching the buildings pass thinking of how I was going to tell Jana.

When we arrived at the hospital I wasn't required to view Jenni's body. I was more than a little afraid I would have to do that. There were enough witnesses to what happened that they had a positive identification from the scene. I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork pertaining to the disposition of her remains when the police released her body. I noticed that I used the pen that she gave me for Christmas to sign the papers. After everything was completed I tossed the pen in the trash and just sat in the waiting room staring at General Hospital on the television.

The detective drove me back to work where I picked up my car and drove home. Along the way I picked up Jana. I made her dinner and put her to bed before calling mom and telling her about Jenni.

I sat in the living room with a beer and stared at nothing. I felt nothing.

February 16, 2009 (Monday)

I took off of work to arrange for Jenni's cremation. Mom went with me because I wasn't sure if I could do it by myself. Mom moved in Saturday and has been taking care of Jana and me. She said that she was going to stay until things got back to normal.

I really never intended for Jenni to die like that. I only planned to get away from her and for her to suffer in public as much as I suffered in private. I'll have to live with her death on my conscience for the rest of my life.

When I got back home I just went to bed and slept. For the first time since I found out I slept peacefully. I didn't dream about anything.



February 18, 2009 (Wednesday)

I grabbed a couple boxes and headed upstairs and started packing up Jenni's bedroom. About half way through I found Jenni's journal, again. I scanned it quickly to see if there was any reference to me knowing about her or Butcher's forcing us to live like a normal couple. There wasn't anything but entries about her fucking and sucking. I reached into my pocket and pulled out detective Archer's card and picked up the phone.

"Archer here," the terse voice said on the other end of the phone.

"Hello detective Archer this is Randy Brooks. I just found something that might be important in the investigation of Jenni's death. It's a journal that she kept. I read part of it but I can't describe what I read. You've got to see it to believe it."

"As a matter of fact Mister Brooks I was going to call you. We've had a couple major things happen in the investigation and I need to talk to you. Is it OK if I come by your house this afternoon, say around two?"

"That's fine, I'll be here."

********

I answered the door at 2:15. "Hello, detective Archer this is my mother Marie Brooks. Thank you for coming over. Let's go into the living room."




Nuclear Response



Mom chimed in and asked, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Just water please ma'am."

I was a bit nervous about what the detective had to say. I pretty much knew what he was going to say but hearing it was a lot different than thinking it. Mom brought each of us a bottle of water and set a plate of her oatmeal cookies on the coffee table. Nobody could resist her oatmeal cookies.

Archer started. "Mister Brooks I've got several things to tell you about the investigation. Some you won't like but you need to know.

First of all there has been a major development concerning Mr. Butcher. This past Monday a judge set bail for him at one million dollars during his arraignment on the murder charges. That evening Mr. Butcher's wife posted his bail. Sometime that night she put twelve bullets into him. He's dead. The reason she killed him is directly related to the next part that I've got to tell you about."

He paused arranging in his mind exactly what he wanted to say.

"Sir, did you know that your wife was HIV positive? Her autopsy report came back with positive results."

I said, "Oh my God. No, I had no idea."

"Well she was and now the state health department is involved. They're going to want you and your daughter to be tested. Don't get upset with my next question but I've got to ask, when was the last time you had relations with your wife?"

I thought for a while before I answered. I knew mom knew what I was going to say so I had to tell the truth, well at least part of it. "It's been a long time. We separated in March of last year. We lived in the same house but slept in separate bedrooms. We did this mostly for our little girl. Neither of us wanted to lose her but we didn't have any love for each other any more. We wanted to stay under the same roof for her sake. I don't know how long this arrangement would have lasted but it's been a year since we've been together in that way."

"OK, but I think the health department is still going to want you to be tested. Can you tell me the reason you separated?"

"It's hard to talk about but it's all here in a journal that I found when I was cleaning out her bedroom. I also found these DVDs that show her in action. I suspected that she was seeing another man and when I confronted her she admitted that she was. I thought then that she was lying to protect someone but until now I didn't know the extent of it. It looks like she was involved with Mr. Butcher at work and a lot of others. I only read part of this journal but it looks like she had sex with an awful lot of people, and she kept a diary of what she did. You can have it. I don't want it in the house. What she did was awful."

Archer took the book and opened it up to a random page. He read for a few seconds and then got a wide-eyed look on his face.

"I think this is going to help a lot actually. The health department is going to want a copy to track down all the people she may have been involved with. Who knows, we might have a major health problem on our hands. I'll keep you informed of what's happening. As for the murder case against Mr. Butcher, I'm afraid that's moot. His death ended that case and started another involving his wife. I didn't tell you why she shot her husband. It's because she was HIV positive too. When she was arrested she said she got the disease from her husband. And after a quick glance at your wife's journal I bet he got it from your wife. However, his autopsy results are not back yet so we don't know for sure. We have three people we know about already and we've only just started."

"If there's anything else I can tell you or help you with please let me know. I'll do whatever I can to help."

"Well there is one other item I need to tell you. We found hundreds of DVDs in Butcher's office showing your wife and other men and women. Between this journal and the videos we may be able to track down everybody and get them checked out."

I just stared at him. Tears started to form in my eyes.

"Thank you Mr. Brooks," said the detective. "You've been very helpful. I'll keep in touch."

When the detective left mom turned to me and said, "Randy you weren't entirely honest with the officer. You knew last year what she was doing and said you couldn't do anything about it. You should have told him."

"I couldn't mom. I already look like a wimp husband and I didn't want the police to think that I didn't have the guts to stand up to Jenni. I did stand up to Butcher mom and all I got was a little trip to the hospital. I was afraid that if I said or did anything then it would have been much worse. I didn't want to take the chance that Jana would get hurt."

"Did Jenni threaten Jana?"

"No mom, Jenni didn't, Butcher did. He told me if I said anything to anybody about what Jenni was doing then he'd make sure that Jana was hurt, and hurt bad. I didn't want to take the chance that he'd follow through with his threat so I kept quiet. That's why I rearranged some facts with detective Archer just now."

"God, what you went through over the last year must have been pure hell. I don't blame you for hating Jenni. I'm just glad you protected Jana and took care of everything else as best as you could."

"Mom, I did what I had to do. I hated myself for doing it but I did it. But really it's just beginning. Just wait and see."

March 9, 2009 (Monday)

Detective Archer brought me a copy of the health department's preliminary report when he came to tell me that Jenni's death investigation case was closed. The problem was worse than anybody thought. It seems that the extent of the spread of the HIV infection from Jenni could reach hundreds of people. The health department was calling it 'An HIV Hotspot.' The local papers called it the 'Thompson Epidemic.' Whatever you call it there is a major HIV outbreak with Jenni and Thompson Inc. directly in the center.

The preliminary report said:

1. Jenni had sexual relations with 411 different people that they could identify by name. There were some that they couldn't identify at all.

2. They contacted and tested all of the people she had relations with. 36 People that had contact with Jenni were HIV positive.

3. They were still tracking down any other partner that all 411 people may have had relations with. And after them their partners, and so on.

4. Since the incubation period is variable it may take 9 to 12 months to make a full determination of the extent of the outbreak.

5. They had not determined how Jenni was infected.

What the official report didn't say was that Jana and I were not infected. All but one of the managers at Thompson tested positive. The Thompson corporate headquarters closed down the local branch and laid off the staff, pending an investigation into criminal activities of the management and staff.

The newspapers got a copy of the health department report and had a field day. Every newspaper in the state reported that the number of HIV test requests had tripled and that doctor's offices are flooded with requests for testing. Only the health department knew the 411 names but some people came forward and talked to the press. Most of what they said was bullshit and they put the blame completely on Jenni. Even the national news outlets had reports about the outbreak. The media was swarming all over town.

I disconnected my phone because of threats. Mom took Jana to school every day because I was barred from the building (they said I was a health concern.) Every couple days a reporter would show up at the door looking for an exclusive story. I don't even bother to answer the door anymore. I still go to work but I get a lot of people looking at me and whispering. I do my job in silence and then go home.

Life's a bitch, and then you die.

April 2, 2009 (Thursday)

I got a call from my insurance company telling me that they settled Jenni's life insurance policy claim. I would be able to come down to the local office and pick up the check on Monday. Jana was the beneficiary of her one million dollar policy.

That's only the first part.

I had an appointment yesterday with an attorney in town that wanted me to sue Thompson for Jenni's wrongful death. He had some interpretation of the law and felt I had a good case. I don't know the law but I said to go ahead, anyway I had nothing to lose. He also had an idea about suing all of the 411 people known to have been in Jenni's journal. He said that it was a long shot in getting any money out of them but at least everybody's name will be in the public record. The health department closely guarded the names of the people involved but since I had access to Jenni's journal I could use that as the basis for the lawsuits. Again I said go ahead. Publicity would be a bad thing for everybody involved.

I just sat back and waited for the fallout.

June 15, 2009 (Monday)

My attorney and I met with the lawyers from Thompson. I gave my deposition the week before and they reviewed it and asked a lot of questions, some very personal. I answered them the best I could, sometimes I used the words that the attorney advised me to use. At the end they made me an offer of $500,000 to settle out of court. My attorney was flabbergasted and he threw back a lot of legal mumbo jumbo and threatened to leave. While their attorneys were talking among themselves my attorney quietly whispered to me that he knew that the initial offer could go three or four times higher and he was waiting for their next bid. They made a counter offer and the attorneys went back and forth for over an hour. In the end I accepted a settlement of $1.5 million dollars. My attorney got a very large chunk of that money.

As we walked out of the building my attorney said with a very big smile, "This is going to go a very long way in making all of the other 411 individual suits settle too. We should do OK in the long run." I thought that the 'we' he just mentioned was really 'him.'

December 25, 2009 (Friday)

Jana and I spent Christmas at mom's house away from the craziness at home. It was another subdued time for mom and me but Jana loved the snow and her presents. It seemed that she had outgrown Barbie and now wanted a video game. Oh well.

I talked to mom about our moving when we settled on all of the lawsuits. Jana and I could go somewhere where nobody knew us and start over. She thought it was a good idea, if I took her along. I simply said, "I'll start looking."

December 31, 2009 (Thursday)

Today was a turning point in my life. Two things happened.

First, we settled the last of the 411 lawsuits. That brought the final count to:

1. I settled on 244 lawsuits each for a modest dollar amount.

2. I dropped 99 lawsuits for various personal reasons.

3. There were 11 lawsuits dismissed in court.

4. The court threw out 5 cases for 'technical' reasons.

5. The court dismissed 46 lawsuits when the defendants showed hardship due to their health.

6. A total of 6 lawsuits went to trial and all found for me, with substantial monetary amounts awarded.

The total amount of money awarded was roughly $1.4 million dollars. Again my lawyer took a substantial chunk.

Second, I settled on my house. I very quietly sold the house 'as is' to a real estate agent for a substantially reduced amount. I just wanted to get away as quickly and as quietly as possible and start over somewhere else. The money really didn't matter.

At the end of the settlement I told him, "You now own the house but I've got a couple things left to do. Tomorrow, Goodwill will be taking everything out of the house; furniture, kitchen stuff, beds, everything. I'm not taking anything with me - too many bad memories. I've already sent ahead everything I want to keep. You can take anything you want before Goodwill gets here in the morning. In the afternoon a cleaning company will come in and clean everything from top to bottom. That's the least I could do. Also, somebody will be by to pick up my other car. I sold it too. I can't drive two cars at the same time to get to my new home. By this time tomorrow we will be far away from here. You can say I'm sneaking out of town in the middle of the night if you want, I don't care. In the morning we're going to be far away from here and the past."

January 1, 2010 (Friday)

I looked back to check on Jana in the backseat and saw that she was asleep among a collection of toys. I glanced down at the morning newspaper on the seat beside me that had a front page article about one of their reporters who received a nomination for the Pulitzer Prize in journalism for his series of articles on the 'Thompson Epidemic.' At least someone was benefiting from this mess I thought.

A few days ago the same newspaper reported on the happenings since the story broke. They said that:

1. The 36 cases of HIV infection originally reported was now at 54.

2. An additional 107 people have tested positive reportedly from contact with those that had sex with Jenni. Included was one of the Thompson managers that had sex with Jenni and then gave the disease to his wife, two of his lovers, his sister, his daughter, and his son. That guy must have been a real sleaze.

3. There had been approximately 200 divorce cases filed relating to those named in the lawsuits.

4. According to the police, they responded to over 150 domestic violence calls, again related to those named in the lawsuits.

5. There have been 72 restraining orders issued by the spouses of those 411 people.

6. The state health department estimated that it will cost over 50 million dollars in health care costs for all those infected.

7. They fired all 12 executive managers, 6 department heads, and 23 employees from the Thompson office. This included the entire security staff. They offered positions to the remaining 35 employees at other branch offices.

8. The city fired the chief of police and two of his officers. They too were HIV positive.

9. Nobody has yet developed full blown AIDS.

10. Nobody ever found out how or when Jenni became infected.

11. Two people were murdered.

12. Two people committed suicide.

We have another thousand miles to go before we get home.

 Aftermath

When one door is closed, don't you know, another is open. Bob Marley

June 17, 2010 (Thursday)

I haven't felt anything like this for a long time. I thought that Jenni ripped out of my soul any ability to feel. But lately I've noticed that I occasionally smile at something, usually something Jana said or did. I think she's the only reason I made it this far. God I love that little girl. As long as she stays my little girl I may someday get past everything.

But it's not going to happen today. Right now I'm standing outside of a funeral home with my hands in my pockets staring up at the white front door afraid to go in. Inside are the ashes of my oldest friend. We were born on the same day. We grew up together, played together, laughed together, and learned everything about life together. Hell, we even lost our virginity together on the same camping trip. He had Sherry Marx and I had Donna Barnett. I think I got the better end of the deal. We were inseparable. We even went to the same college. That's when we got interested in different things and went down different life paths. We stayed in touch all through the years but were never as close as when we were growing up. We grew up and became different men.

But now he's dead and I'm an emotional mess and can't go in. I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of all those people so I don't do anything. I just stand on the sidewalk and stare at the door hoping that the ground will open up and swallow me whole.

As I stared at the door it opened. Standing there smiling down at me was Mrs. Pellegrino. I haven't seen her in almost 12 years. Except for a couple pounds and a grey streak in her long black hair she looked exactly as I remembered her - absolutely gorgeous. When I was a teenager I used to lie in bed at night and think about her. I used to think about her long beautiful legs, her ample chest, and her perfectly shaped backside. I would close my eyes and see her long black hair cascading down over her broad tanned shoulders creating an ebony frame for her oh so delicate face. Her eyes were hypnotic but she had the most incredible mouth I'd ever seen. It seemed to always be smiling. A smile that could light up the room or make any childhood problem go away. I spent a lot of time fantasizing about her with my hands down my pants. God I loved that woman.

But even then I knew that it was wrong. After all she was the mother of my best friend, a friend that is now in an urn just past the door she's holding open. Despite her beautiful smile I stood there frozen to the sidewalk hoping for the ground to open up. I looked down at my feet.

The heat of her body forced my gaze to rise and look up. Those beautiful brown eyes and that broad smile were just inches away.

"How are you Randy?" she asked with her crisp youthful voice. Even the sounds she made were gorgeous.

"I'm fine Mrs. Pellegrino. I'm just having a little trouble with my feet though. They don't seem to want to move up the steps."

"I had the same problem when I got here. It's not as bad inside as you think, really." She took one final step forward and put her arms around me. The mother of my best friend, my dead best friend, was holding me, trying to comfort me. I knew that was all she was doing but all I could only think about the warmth she radiated and the large soft bosom she pressed me into. I was both embarrassed and aroused. I dreamt of this long ago and after all these years I was surprised I still felt that way about her. But I was more surprised that I could still feel something, anything. And just knowing that was somewhat comforting.

I mumbled into her hair at the side of her head, "Thank you. You can't know what he did for me, how much he meant to me. I'm just so sorry he's gone. I miss him a lot."

We stood together for a while holding each other not saying a word. Just by holding me tenderly she made me feel like I could almost go through the door and face what was inside.

Slowly she broke our embrace and stood looking into my eyes. She had a quizzical look on her face when she asked, "Randy, I've got a question for you before we go in. I need some honest answers."

"OK, sure, anything you want."

"Yesterday a lawyer showed up at my door. She introduced herself and gave me an envelope. The contents were about a trust fund. Somebody set up a trust fund in my son's name for Joshua. It's a trust fund for a million dollars, a million dollars! I asked her who was responsible and she said that nobody knew; an anonymous donor arranged it. I think they do know but couldn't tell me. My question for you is this; did you have anything to do with this? Did you set up a trust fund in Portus's name?"

I looked her straight in her beautiful brown eyes and told the best lie I've ever told when I said, "No ma'am, I don't know anything about it."

She stood there looking at me and I knew that I could never lie to her and get away with it, but I had to try. After a minute her face went from serious to happy and she smiled her beautiful broad smile at me as she whispered, "Thank you."

I didn't let on that I knew that she knew, or however that goes. I just smiled back at her.

"I don't know if you know but I'm now Josh's legal guardian. You knew that Portus was sick for the last three years and before he passed we arranged for me to adopt Josh. So my grandson is now my son. I plan to use the trust fund money to see that Josh gets into the finest schools and colleges. If there is any left over he can have it as a wedding present. Josh said that he wanted to become a doctor so he can find a cure for what killed his dad. I'm going to try to make that happen."