132 comments/ 139389 views/ 23 favorites Nighttime Confessions Too By: capecodmercury Author's Note: This is a continuation of Nighttime Confessions. It can probably stand on its own, but might make better sense if you have read the earlier story first. This is not a stroke story. There is very little sex and a lot of emphasis on emotions. If you don't like this type of story save yourself time and go elsewhere. I had a lot of fun with these characters. I hope you like it. As always, your feedback is gratefully appreciated. ++++++++++++++++++++++++= After sixteen years of marriage, even a week of playing bachelor can get old. As my alarm went off Thursday morning, I reached over to shut it off and, without thought, rolled back over to give Meg a hug and kiss before getting up to shower. But she wasn't there. She was at the Athletic Association Conference and wouldn't be getting back until Saturday. With the kids away at camp for another two weeks, I was alone in the house. So, I groaned, stretched and started the process of making myself presentable. I was going to have a hard time getting up the energy to make it into the office again today. It's strange. Usually, I have no problem getting ready to go into work. I enjoy my job and look forward to the challenges that I face each day. But this last week has been difficult. I've found it hard to go into work when I knew that Meg was away at a high-class resort enjoying the conference. I envied her. It felt like she was away on vacation while I was stuck at home. I'm not sure why this week was different. Meg is a teacher so I have gotten used to her getting to sleep in while I went to work during school breaks. Nevertheless, the thought of playing hooky flashed through my mind. As I drove in to work that morning, I realized that what was making me envious was Meg's excitement during our daily phone conversations. She wasn't telling me about the meetings and sessions, she was talking about the fun she was having with Judy and her friends as they made the round of the afternoon and nighttime activities. Her call the day before had been a prime example. When she left for the conference she was convinced that her boss Frank was going to try to seduce her. We had talked about it and came up with a strategy for dealing with Frank if he did try something. By yesterday's call, she had decided that Frank had given up on his plans so she was free to enjoy the remainder of the conference in peace. The rest of the phone call was a blur, she went on and on about her plans in great excitement. She was so happy and excited that I could barely get a word in edgewise. I don't think she even thought about how I would react. I was happy she was having a good time, but deep down I resented the fact that she could have such a good time without me. It sounded like she had forgotten that she was a wife and mother. I wondered if she thought about me at all once she hung up the phone. A further irritation came from her companions. During our call on Tuesday, she had talked about what a good time she had had dancing the past few nights. When I asked her whom she was dancing with, she rattled off the names of four guys, Phil, Wayne, Sam and Art. It turns out that her new group of friends was four men and three women. Not only was she out having a good time, she was getting wined and dined by some guys that I didn't know. I trusted Meg, but there was something about the whole situation that caused my hackles to rise. Did they act like four couples when they were out together? In short, I was jealous. I was bothered by the good time that Meg was having with her new friends while I was stuck working. I was bothered by the fact that it did not appear that she missed me at all. My ego was hurting. Could I be forgotten and replaced that easily? As I sat in traffic, I thought about how I was feeling and felt foolish. I had no reason to be envious or suspicious of Meg. I was just getting burnt out and in need of a vacation myself. It had been a long time since I had gotten away from the office for more than a day or two. I needed to get away. I was going to talk to my boss that morning, get the next week off and surprise Meg with an impromptu vacation. It was time to dust off the camping equipment, haul out the canoe and revisit some old haunts. I knew just the trip to take; a route through the lakes, rivers and ponds of the Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York. It was a leisurely paddle that Meg and I have enjoyed in the past. The route was not well traveled and the chances of spotting wildlife and a variety of waterfowl were excellent. However, the best part of the trip was the fact that there were plenty of private campsites. I wanted to spend some quality time alone with Meg before Brad and Sarah got back from summer camp. When I got into the office, I went to see my boss Jim Thompson. To my relief, he was willing to give me the week off even on such short notice. He smiled at me and said, "for God's sake Don, it's about time you figured it out. You need a break. You've been snapping at people all summer and that's not like you." "I know Jim," I replied with a sigh. "Between the conference that my wife is at, Sarah's gymnastic camp and Brad's soccer camp, this summer has been crazy. I didn't think I was going to be able to afford to take the time off so I have been trying to gut it out. "On the way in today I realized how jealous I was of Meg being at that conference. When I start getting jealous because she gets to go to a conference for her job, then I'm beginning to lose it. I figured I'd better take a vacation before I do something stupid." Jim laughed and told me to enjoy myself. "Take that pretty wife of your away for a while and show her some attention. If you don't watch out someone is going to steal her away from you!" I laughed at Jim's comment and went back to my office to start my day, but his comment struck a nerve. It seemed a little too close to my worries from earlier that day. Was she missing me? Later that afternoon, I called Meg for our daily chat. But as soon as she picked up the phone, I could tell that her mood had shifted radically from the day before. She sounded jumpy and her mind wasn't on our conversation. After talking with her for a few minutes, it was obvious that something was bothering her. " Meg, what's going on? Is something wrong?" I queried. "What? No. Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired." She stammered. "Are you getting tired of cooking for yourself yet?" I knew something was up. For the last three days our phone conversations had been about the conference and what a good time she was having. Now she wouldn't talk to me. "Meg, don't try to change the subject. Something is bothering you, I can tell. What's wrong? Did something happen today?" "Don, there is nothing wrong. Nothing happened. I told you, I'm just tired. I couldn't get to sleep last night. I had a lot on my mind and couldn't get comfortable without you to cuddle into." "What was bothering you? You were so happy yesterday. Did something happen to you after our conversation?" I pressed. "Shit, did Frank try to hit on you again? I'll kill him". "No, I told you its nothing. Frank has been a perfect gentleman. I just got to thinking about us and started to miss you." "Meg.. . ." "Look," she interrupted harshly. "Drop it, please. I told you it was nothing for you to worry about." Meg caught herself and went on in a softer tone. "I promise, I'll tell you all about it when I get home. Can we talk about something else?" I knew I wasn't going to get anything else out of her right then. After sixteen years of marriage, I have learned that when Meg doesn't want to talk about something, it's not going to happen. All I could do is hope that whatever was bothering her was not major and would keep until she got home. I gave in and changed the subject. "So tell me, what's on tap for today. Any special plans?" I asked. "I don't know." She replied softly. "I'm supposed to get together with Judy, Dee Dee and Rachel, but I'm not sure if I'm going to go. I might just take a nap." "What about tonight? Are you heading out for another night of dinner, drinking and dancing with the guys?" I asked sarcastically. As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted saying them. I knew that the tone of voice I used was bitter, but I couldn't help myself. I wasn't happy that she wouldn't talk to me about what was going on and I didn't like the idea of her going out with a group of guys I didn't know. "What do you mean?" She yelped, picking up on my tone of voice. "Are you accusing me of something? You sound as if you are jealous." "I know," I sighed. "I think I am jealous. It's just that all I have heard about since you got to the conference is what a great time you are having with your new friends. All day long I've been sitting here missing you and, I know its stupid, but I'm feeling left out and sorry for myself. I just can't stop worrying about these other guys and the good times you are having with them. "I'm sorry. I'm not accusing you of anything. I love you and trust you too much for that. I know that you would never do anything to hurt our marriage. Just forget I said anything." When I finished, Meg didn't say anything for a long time. When she did speak, her voice was full of emotion. "Don Prescott," she choked, "you're not being stupid, I love you for worrying about me. Don't you ever forget that I love you more than anything! You are the only man that I have ever loved and nothing will ever change that. You have no reason to be jealous because there is no-one who could ever mean as much to me as you do." After that we said our good byes and hung up. As I put down the phone, I thought I heard Meg bursting into tears, but I couldn't be sure. All I could do is stare at the phone. That had been one of the strangest calls that I had ever had. It was obvious that something was bothering Meg but there was nothing I could do about it until she got home. I was feeling uneasy. Her reaction to my jealousy seemed out of character. I expected her to laugh at my concerns and tease me about it. Instead, she had broken out in tears and told me not to be jealous. Was she feeling guilty about something? And she never did tell me what her plans were for going out with her gentleman friends. To keep myself occupied, I threw myself into getting ready for our canoe trip. I decided to surprise Meg with the trip. By Saturday morning, I had picked up all the necessary supplies and everything was packed including her gear. I was going to pick her up at the airport and head directly out to the Adirondacks. We did talk on Friday, but the conversation was short and strained at times. The only things she wanted to talk about were the meetings that she had been to that day. She didn't say word one about our conversation from the day before. She also avoided my questions on what she had done the prior night or what she planned on doing that day. I wasn't sure if she was being considerate by not rubbing my nose in the fun she was having or if she was hiding something. She did give me some big news however. Meg had been asked to become a member of the state competition committee. This was quite a coup for her and big boost for her career. I knew she had lots of ideas that she wanted to propose and this would give her a forum where she might be able to make a difference. I was excited for her, but she seemed conflicted. When I asked her why, she told me that the duties of the committee would require her to be away four times a year. Committee members met each summer for three days prior to the conference and were required to attend quarterly meetings in the fall, winter and spring. She would be gone for ten or more days in the summer and each of the quarterly meetings would mean at least four days away from home. Meg said she was worried about the amount of time that she would have to spend away from home. It worried me too, but I didn't want to let her know. I didn't want to be one of those husbands who let their fears get in the way of their wife's career. She told me that she was thinking about it and that she didn't have to give them a response right away. I let the subject drop. I figured that we would have a chance to talk more about it later. Meg was booked on an early flight home. Her return flight was due around eleven and I planned to leave for the trip right from the airport. We had about a four-hour drive and it was about an hour's paddle into the first campsite I wanted to use. When Meg got off the plane, she was happy to see me, but she looked haggard and tired. There was tightness around her eyes that I did not like. She acted nervous and under stress. It was almost like she did not know what type of reception she would get from me. I kissed her quickly and hustled her over to the luggage carousel. I was thinking of the trip. I wanted to surprise her and get on the road as quickly as possible. We lucked out and her bag came out quickly. I grabbed it and we walked out to the SUV. When she saw the canoe on the roof, she looked at me with a question on her face. I smiled at her and said, "Surprise! I realized a few days ago that I was getting burned out. Jim gave me next week off and I thought we could spend it up in the Adirondacks relaxing. Besides, I thought that we could use some time alone before the kids get home from camp. We're all set to get on the road. I even packed you a change of clothes if you want to change while we drive." Meg just looked at me. She seemed hesitant, almost apprehensive about going. I was surprised and hurt at her reaction. These trips alone have created some of my happiest memories. We were pretty sure that Brad had been conceived on one of these trips. One of my biggest regrets is that they don't happen as often as I like. We constantly bemoan the fact that we never get time to spend together. I had thought that this would be a great surprise, but it seemed that I was the one getting the surprise. "Look, Meg if you don't want to go, we don't have to. We can find something else to do." I told her. I'm sure I sounded testy. My tone of voice conveyed my disappointment and irritation at her reaction. Meg flushed and looked away guiltily. She had some reason for not wanting to go on the canoe trip. However, she knew how much these trips meant. I don't think she could come up with legitimate reason for not wanting to go. After a moment she looked back at me with a forced smile on her face. "No, its OK, I was just surprised that all. Let's get going." I just stared at her. "Meg, I'm serious. If you don't want to go we won't. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do." I placed her suitcase in the car, got in and waited for her to join me. Admittedly, I was steamed. I was also confused. But, I wasn't going to make her go. I had given up on the trip and was planning on heading to the house. As Meg got in the car, I could see the tears in her eyes. She was going through an internal struggle that I could not help her with. As I left the airport, her eyes widened as she saw me take the road home. She sat there biting her lip and staring at me intently for a minute or two and then sighed. "Don, I'm sorry. I'm being selfish. It's not that I don't want to go, it's just that I've been away for a week, I'm tired and I wanted to get home. I need to talk to you and I thought it would be easier to do it at home. But that's not fair to you. Let's go. I just need a little time to adjust." I looked over at her. "Are you sure? If you want to spend some time at home and rest, we can always take a shorter trip later in the week." Meg looked at me and smiled tentatively. "No, let's go now. I know you've got your plans all made and it's not fair to you to make you change them. I'm sure I'll be OK by the time we get on the water." I took her at her word and took the next exit. It took us only a few minutes to get on the right route out of town. I had to concentrate on the traffic for a while before I could settle in and put on the cruise control. When we all set, I relaxed a bit and looked over at Meg. "You said you had something you wanted to talk to me about." Meg looked over at me and gave me a nervous smile. "I just wanted to talk to you about the conference. It will keep until later. We can talk about it tonight once we make camp. Besides, I'm curious about something you said at the airport. You're feeling burned out?" The next four hours lasted forever. Meg was determined not to talk about the conference or about what was bothering her. Every time I brought it up, she would change the subject and tell me that we would talk about it later. I could tell she was hiding something, but I couldn't pin her down. The final two hours of the trip were spent in silence as Meg tried to nap on the seat next to me. When we got to the parking lot where we would be putting in, we quietly worked together to get the canoe off the car and loaded with the gear. We locked the car and set off for our first campsite. By now, her behavior was getting me seriously worried. Something was very wrong and I had a feeling of dread as I tried to anticipate what she was going to tell me. When we got to the campsite, we fell into routine and set up camp and went about the chores of making dinner and getting a fire going. By unspoken agreement, we talked of inconsequential matters until we had finished eating and cleaning up. Finally, as dusk settled around us and we sat staring into the campfire, I knew that it was time to bring the matter into the open. "Enough is enough, Meg. Can you please tell me what in the hell is going on? What's bothering you? You've been acting strange since I talked to you last Thursday." Meg looked over at me. She was on the verge of tears and was sitting hunched over with her legs curled up. She looked totally miserable. "Don, I have a confession to make. I did a stupid, horrible thing at the conference. I hope you can forgive me." Meg looked down at her feet and whispered, "I had sex with Phil." With this pronouncement, Meg burst into tears and buried her head into her arms. For an eternity I just sat there and stared at her. All of the insecurities and worries that had been plaguing me since she started talking about the men at the conference on Tuesday came flooding back. My worst nightmares had come true. She had gone to the conference, forgotten about me and replaced me. Emotionally, I was in turmoil. Her announcement had come as a complete surprise. While I had been jealous of her spending time with guys I didn't know, I never imagined that she would cheat on me. I was devastated and I was angry. "What the fuck do you mean you had sex with Phil!" I shouted. "You fucking bitch, how could you do this to me." I'm normally in control of my emotions, but for a while, I lost it. Meg just sat there crying, curled up in a ball as I ranted. With every insult I hurled at her she flinched and slipped deeper into misery. She didn't even try to defend herself. Finally, my outburst burnt itself out and I sat back down and stared at her coldly. At that moment, I wasn't sure what I felt for Meg or what to do next. I still loved her, but I hated her too. I hated what she had done to us. Her confession destroyed me emotionally and devastated the trust that I had in her. "Do you have any explanation for yourself?" I demanded. Meg looked up at me and whispered, "I'm so sorry." "Fuck that, I don't care if you are sorry, I just want to know what happened and if you can give me a reason for it." I snarled. Over the course of the evening, Meg haltingly told me her story. She explained her relief at finding Judy's name on the conference list and her surprise at finding that four of Judy's friends were men. She told me what they talked about and how she had grown comfortable with them. She even told me that she thought about one of them trying something, but how she had been sure she could handle it. She was totally miserable as she talked. I just sat there and stared at her. Nighttime Confessions Too As she talked, she confirmed some of my fears. She admitted that she had enjoyed the social aspects of the conference far too much for my liking. She had been flattered by the attention that she had been getting from the guys. She shamefacedly admitted that there were times when she felt like she was single. She was aware that she and Phil were pairing up, but didn't worry about it. She let her guard down with Phil because she trusted him not to try anything. The hardest part of all was hearing about Wednesday night. She didn't go into details about the sex she had with Phil. She didn't have to. I was hurt enough by her story of how she blithely ignored the warning signs and let Phil seduce her. The situation seemed surreal she said. She noticed how the others had quickly drifted away to their own sexual pleasures leaving her with Phil. She knew she should have left, but she just sat there and let it happen. She believed that Phil would never cheat on his wife and told me why. She didn't convince me and by her tone of voice I think that we both knew she was deluding herself. On some level she had to know what was going to happen that night if she stayed with Phil. To her credit, she didn't try to shift the blame for her actions to anyone else or pretend that she didn't do anything wrong. She guiltily acknowledged that she could not have been seduced if she hadn't been receptive to it. She took responsibility for her actions. She just told me how it happened. How Phil seduced her gradually until her libido was in a place where she would accept his advances. How feeble her efforts were to stop him. She cried as she admitted that she willingly went with Phil to have sex. She did start to tell me what happened between her and Phil in his bedroom, but I stopped her when she started to describe how they undressed each other. I was disgusted. I had no desire to hear a blow-by-blow account of her sexual misconduct. The only thing that made hearing any of the details bearable was the fact that she was suffering as much as I was. Telling me about it did not excite either of us. It hurt her as much as it hurt me. When I told her to stop, that I didn't want to hear about the sex, she flashed me a grateful smile. But then she grimaced and told me that she did need to tell me something else about that night. The last part of her story was incredible. She told me that after she had had sex with Phil they had gone back out into the living area of the suite and met up with Judy and Wayne. The mental image of my wife sitting down in nothing but a robe with another woman and two men was incomprehensible to me. While Meg was not exactly body shy, she had never been an exhibitionist. Phil, Wayne and Judy had told her something in confidence. They asked her never to repeat the story because too many people could be hurt. But she didn't want to keep any secrets from me. She had to tell me the whole story. She had fallen in with what can only be described as a group of swingers. She gave me the history and the absurd rules that they had created for their cheating. She even went through all of the rationalizations that they used to justify their actions. Her voice shook as she told me their argument that the sex was only for fun and did not have to affect her marriage. She described their methods of hiding their assignations and their attempts to persuade her that it could be hidden from me. They believed that the sex was meaningless to the marriage as long as no emotional bonds were formed. That was when she dropped her final bombshell of the evening. I knew she had been invited to join the Competition Committee. What I did not know was that the committee was the method by which they got together. She had been invited to join their sex club. After they invited her to join them, Phil asked her to spend the night with him. He wanted more sex. But she refused; although she admitted that she was still aroused and tempted to stay. However, she told me that she was confused, guilty and scared and needed time alone to think. She didn't know what to think about their arrangement. She didn't know how to respond to the offer. She was feeling guilty for giving into temptation with Phil. Now they were asking her to knowingly enter into a long-term sexual arrangement although they did their best to convince her it was not really cheating on me. She was skeptical of their arguments. Her confusion and her skepticism were enough to overcome her arousal. So, she left. Besides, she said, she felt that sleeping with Phil would have created a level of intimacy that she did not want. She thought that sleeping and cuddling with him would be a bigger betrayal than the sex! When Meg finished describing Wednesday night, she just sat there drawn into herself staring into the embers of our campfire. I sat there mulling over what I had heard. I had questions about her behavior, but I dreaded hearing her answers. Finally, I stirred and asked her. "What about the rest of the week? Did you go back and fuck him some more on Thursday and Friday nights? Is that why you refused to tell me what you were doing?" Meg winced at the accusing tone of my question and looked up at me with a pained look on her face. "I deserved that, but, no, I only had sex with him on Wednesday night. After I left the suite, I spent the night tossing and turning thinking about what I had done and what I was going to do. "Don, I'm sorry to say this but, I did think about their offer. The sex was physical and nothing at all like the way we make love. It was just another way to have fun, like dancing or playing a game. It didn't have any special significance. It was so casual that it seemed like just another social activity that I could choose from. " I don't love Phil and didn't make love to him. You are the only man I have ever made love too. I know it's a cliché, but it was just physical, just sex. I almost convinced myself that this was OK. I kept on thinking about their claim that this didn't really count as cheating because it was just friends with benefits. It didn't mean anything emotionally; it was just another benefit of being at the conference. "I found myself thinking about what Phil had told me and wondering if it would really hurt you if I had sex with someone else while I was away at the conference. I knew that no amount of sex with Phil could affect the way I loved you or the way I felt about our marriage. After all, what you didn't know couldn't hurt you right?" Meg shook her head disgusted with herself and went on. "I don't know what I was thinking. I had breakfast with Judy on Thursday. I was confused and had a lot of questions about what was going on. When Phil came over, it felt really strange. I didn't know how to respond even though he treated me the same way that he had been treating me all along. I felt like I had a big sign around my neck telling the whole world I had cheated on you. "I wasn't entirely truthful on the phone with you on Thursday. I had made plans at breakfast to get together with Judy, Dee Dee and Rachel in Judy's room to talk. I wanted to get my questions answered. I needed to talk to them about their arrangement and how they could manage to do it. I really wanted to talk to Rachel see how it affected her relationship with her husband." Meg took a deep breath. "I'm not sure, but I think that Judy had invited the guys to come over later in the afternoon." Meg stopped for a moment and looked at me intently. "Don, I know I acted like an idiot and did some real foolish things last week, but I need you to know one thing. I love you more than anything and could never do anything to intentionally hurt you. Even when I was being a fool and trying to believe what they had told me, I was thinking about you, too. "Don, their offer was tempting. But it was the whole package that made it exciting. I had so much fun with them and the sex was just another part of it. They were asking me to join them and have a lot of fun. It was like being given the chance to join some exclusive club. I found myself wondering if I could accept the sex as part of being in the group. It wasn't what made me want to join them; it was almost like a price I had to pay. But, no matter how I was tempted, I could never do it if there was even the slightest chance that it would hurt you or our marriage. That is why I wanted to talk to Rachel and Dee Dee. "Then I talked to you and realized what a fool I was. I didn't need to talk to Rachel or Dee Dee; I just needed to think about us. When I got off the phone with you, I just started to cry. No matter how I justified it, it would affect our marriage because I would know that I was cheating on you. Even if I could hide it from you, I couldn't hide it from me. It would have to affect our marriage because it would affect me. I couldn't believe that I had even thought about joining them "When you told me how much you loved and trusted me never to do anything to hurt our marriage, I felt like shit. Here you were apologizing for doubting me when I had just betrayed your trust. I felt like dying because I knew that I had let you down. "I called Judy and told her that I didn't want to see her or her friends anymore. I told her that I was out and that I was disgusted with myself for cheating on you. The last two days I spent in my room crying and trying to decide what I was going to do to make this up to you. That's why I didn't tell you about what I had been doing on the phone. I wanted to talk to you face to face. I only left my room to go to the sessions I had to be at." Meg looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Don, I love you more than anything and I don't want to lose you. I know that I made a horrible mistake and hurt you terribly. I'm so sorry and hope that you are able to forgive me." When Meg finished, I just looked at her. Her confession had shaken me badly. It was bad enough that she had cheated on me. The idea that she had seriously considered joining this club was devastating. "Why Meg?" I asked her in a pained tone. "Why? Are you unhappy with me? Our marriage? Do you want out?" "No! No!" She blurted out. "I told you, I love you more than anything!" "Then why did you do this? Why did you cheat on me?" I asked her miserably. Meg looked at me and turned away. She couldn't stand to look at the pain in my eyes. She stared into the fire for a moment and replied. "That's what I have been trying to figure out for the past four days, why. Don, this was not something that I planned to do. It just happened. I never even thought about cheating on you before. You are the only man that I have ever loved and nothing is going to change that. "The only reason that I have been able to come up with is that I was weak and gave into temptation. You know that I have had other guys come on to me before. We've talked about it. I've always been able to see right through them and tell them where to go." Meg sighed and rubbed her neck. ‘I don't know why Phil was different. The only thing that I can come up with is that I thought he was safe. I wasn't on my guard with him. I didn't think he would cheat on his wife so I let myself open up to him in ways that I normally guard against. By the time I realized where we were headed, he already had me turned on and I just couldn't say no. I was thinking with my emotions and not my brain. All I could think about is how good he was making me feel. I wasn't thinking about the trouble that might happen in the future. All I thought about was the moment. I gave into the temptation." Meg stared at me intently for a moment. "I know I screwed up, but I hope you can understand how it could have happened. Haven't you ever been tempted before? Haven't you ever done something that is wrong just because you couldn't help yourself?" I didn't answer her. I was still looking for answers to my questions. "Even if I accept the idea that this was just a momentary lapse of reason, it still doesn't explain the rest of it. How in the hell can you explain to me why would you even consider joining this sex club?" I demanded. Meg flushed at my accusation and looked away. To me this was the sticking point. I might be able to accept a one-night stand, but it hurt that she had considered a long-term arrangement. How could she even think about joining these guys on a permanent basis? "I don't know how to explain it." She said with some trepidation. "I wasn't thinking very well. My emotions were all over the place. I was feeling guilty, but I also felt drained from the orgasms that Phil had given me. I was feeling emotional and overwhelmed. "When we went out into the living area, the whole situation was strange. I could hear Art and Rachel going at it in the next room and then Judy and Wayne came out in their robes and I realized that all I was wearing was a robe too. I've never done anything like that before and I didn't know how to respond. Then they started to tell me this story and I couldn't believe it. I just sat there trying to make sense of it all. "They must have known what emotions I was feeling. They kept telling me that I had nothing to feel guilty about. That what I had done with Phil did not hurt you or betray you. They were trying to take away my guilt." Meg sighed and looked at me. "Part of me wanted to believe them. If they were right it would be easier for me to live with what I had done. They were giving me the excuses I needed to justify my behavior. It was easier to deal with my own guilt when they were telling me that everything would be all right. But, I still felt guilty and had doubts. "When I left, the thing that kept running through my mind was the fact that I cheated on you. Yes, I did think about their offer and I've already told you it was tempting. I wanted their friendship and the sex was part of it. I had to decide if it were a price that I would pay. But, I never decided to do it." Meg looked away for a minute and bit her lip. "I have to be honest. Until I spoke to you, I didn't really think everything through. I was just thinking about it from my perspective; how it would affect me. I didn't think about how it would affect you if I lied to you and cheated on you. It wasn't until you told me you loved and trusted me that I realized how selfish I was being. "Meg, I need to know." I demanded. "You keep on saying the sex wasn't important to you and was a price you would have to pay to be part of this group. What do you mean? You said earlier that you went with Phil willingly. You wanted to have sex with him." Meg looked down. "You're right. I hate to admit it, but by the time we got into his bedroom, I was ready to have sex with Phil. He had gotten me very aroused and I wanted him as much as he wanted me. He was a perfect gentleman and the sex was very exciting. He has a lot of experience and made me feel things I have never felt before." I just stared at her. This talk had turned into a nightmare. Not only had my wife cheated on me, she had topped off the evening, by telling me in so many words that Phil was a better lover than I was. Now I was hurt both emotionally and in my ego. Meg looked up and saw the expression on my face. Suddenly she realized what she had just said and a horrified look crossed her face. She could see how I had taken her words. She could see how her words had affected me. "Don, I never meant to suggest that Phil was better than you." She blurted out. Meg took a deep breath and went on. "I can't deny that the sex was exciting. It was different from how we make love. Phil has a lot more experience than either you or I. He went out of his way to make sure that it was good for me. Sex is a game with him and he showed me ways to extend the experience and enjoy what was happening. "But that doesn't mean I preferred him to making love to you. I don't care how good his technique was; it wasn't the same. I missed the love and closeness I feel when we make love. Sex with Phil was just that, a physical act that didn't mean anything emotionally to either of us. It was just about making each other feel good. "Please believe me. I never meant to hurt you! This was a mistake that I made. I wasn't looking for another guy to have sex with. I've never been unhappy with you in bed. You are a compassionate and considerate lover that I love to be with. You touch my heart in ways no other man could ever dream of. Sex with him could never compete with making love to you. I wouldn't trade one night with you for a thousand nights with him. No one could ever replace you in my heart. You are the one that I love and want." Meg stopped for a moment and looked at me. "When I said that the sex was a price I would have to pay, I meant that it was not the reason that I wanted to join the group. It wasn't what I was looking for. The reason I was so concerned about it was because of what it might do to our marriage. I knew that the others would expect me to continue to have sex with them if I joined the group and I didn't know if I could do it. Don, I wasn't out looking for sex with other men." When Meg fell silent, I stared at her. She had dropped some huge bombshells on me tonight and I was numb. But, I was angry and that I didn't trust myself to make a decision right away on what she had told me. I might make a decision that I would regret later. For now, I needed to get away from her. Without a word, I got up and went over to our tent. I grabbed my sleeping pad and separated my sleeping bag from hers and made a bedroll under the canoe. I couldn't bring myself to even sleep in the same tent with her. Meg watched me silently. When she saw me pulling my gear out of the tent, she sat there with a stricken look on her face. She waited until I was done and fled into the tent. As I settled in for the night, I could hear her softly sobbing. It was not a restful night for either of us. The next morning, I got up and started to make some coffee. Meg got out of the tent and looked over at me by the fire. She wasn't sure whether she should approach me or not. Finally, she took a deep breath and walked over to the fire. "Don, I know that I hurt you last night and I'm so sorry. I hate the fact that I destroyed your plans too. I'll start packing the gear and we can head back. This was why I didn't want to come, but I just couldn't disappoint you again." Meg turned around and started to walk back to the tent. All of a sudden my stubborn streak asserted itself. "Who said we were going back? I planned a week trip and that is what we are going to do! You've already fucked me over enough, I'll be damned if you are going to destroy my vacation too. We're going to finish this trip." Meg stiffened at my words but continued to pack the gear. We ate breakfast and broke camp in silence. I wasn't ready to talk to Meg and she could see from my icy demeanor that trying to talk would only cause her more problems. Since the first canoe trip we took together, Meg and I have rarely talked while on the water. There was no need. We would enjoy nature in a companionable silence; it brought us together. The mood in the canoe that day was palpably different. The silence that day was not shared; it was a barrier between us. We didn't talk because we had nothing to say to one another. I spent the morning in stony silence glaring at Meg's back. But anger has its limits. The hours of silence lead naturally to contemplation. As the day went on, I couldn't help but think about what she had said the night before. I had to figure out my feelings. What was I going to do? I knew that I loved Meg, but could I forgive her? Did I want to separate from her or ask for a divorce? I had to deal with the knowledge that she had slept with another man. Another man had fucked the pussy that had been my private domain for the past twenty years. Meg had admitted that she was weak and had given into a moment's temptation. Could I forgive her for a one-time transgression? Nighttime Confessions Too Temptation is an insidious thing. Sometimes it can be hard to notice as it creeps up on you. All of a sudden you are faced with a choice. It's easy to get caught up in the moment. You don't think about future consequences, all you think about is the now. What's in front of you. When you are faced with an offer that seem too good to pass up; it's only later that you realize that spur of the moment decisions can have long lasting consequences. To make matters worse, sometimes the circumstances conspire to hide potential consequences. This can make the temptation even harder to resist. Your emotions take over or you are forced into a hasty decision. This can be the most dangerous situation of all. When a situation seems to good to be true, human nature asks, "What's the catch"? You look for the consequences and can avoid the spur of the moment decision. When you can be spot the potential consequence, you have a basis on which to make your choice. But if the consequences are hidden, you go with the moment and forget to look for the catch. When you discover the consequences, it might be too late. For example, we have all heard of instances where someone "does the right thing" and returns a found wallet, a large sum of lost money or an expensive piece of jewelry. These are the situations that are too good to be true. It's easy to spot the consequences that will flow from the decision that is made. You can see the harm that will come to the person who lost the item and the potential consequences if you are caught keeping the money or the item. You can imagine the potential rewards of doing the right thing. There is the temptation to keep the money, but you make your decision with knowledge of the consequence and this makes it easier to resist. But we have all found a quarter or a dollar on the street and picked it up without a second thought. How much effort do we expend to find the rightful owner? It's not even thought of as a temptation. You don't think about that money belonging to someone else, you just think that it is your lucky day and walk on. For each of us, the line where we stop thinking of it as a lucky find and start thinking about the person who lost the item is drawn in a different place. There are other examples as well. We all speed because we know it is safe to drive 5-10 miles over the speed limit. Yes it is breaking the law, but how many of us think of it that way? Our expectations have led us to believe that it is acceptable. Similarly we all fib in small ways every day from our taxes, to our bosses to our wives. We don't do this to be dishonest. We know it's safe so therefore acceptable. To understand why Meg had given into Phil, I had to think about what had happened, how Meg viewed the temptation. Meg had told me that she hadn't thought about the consequences before she slept with Phil. She acted on the spur of the moment and gave in to her emotions. She never looked for the catch. When she did think about the consequences, her reaction was what I would hope. She had deep regrets when she realized what she had done. She refused to have sex with him again and avoided him for the rest of the conference. As I thought about what Meg had done, I began to hope that there was still a future for us. It hurt to know that she had fucked some other guy, but I could understand how she gave in to temptation. Meg had touched on the issue of temptation last night and had asked me some troubling questions that I had ignored. There have been occasions where I have faced similar temptations. I can understand how hard it is to stay in control. There has been three times during my time with Meg that I have faced temptation, with varying degrees of success. The first time was when Meg was pregnant with Sarah. Roger from the office had invited me to a bachelor's party that he was putting together. My first mistake was accepting the invitation. I knew that Roger had a reputation for outrageous parties. He was wild and I should have known that he had something special planned, but I believed him when he told me that the party would just be drinking and watching some skin flicks. In retrospect, Roger had plans for me from the beginning. He always told me that I needed to let my hair down. After we started to get buzzed, Roger convinced the groom to submit to being handcuffed to a chair in the middle of his living room. It was obvious something was going to happen and I stuck around to make sure that the groom wasn't going to be humiliated. That's when the two strippers showed up. I should have left then and that was my second mistake. Over the next half-hour the strippers gave us a highly erotic show. They stripped each other completely and kissed and fondled both each other and the groom. They were using him as a stage prop. As they stripped, they took turns sitting on the groom's lap and teasing him unmercifully. Then they started to strip the groom as well and gave him one hell of a lap dance. The groom gave into temptation. He didn't think about his fiancé or his upcoming marriage; all he saw was their tits and pussies. Of course he reacted, the dancers were gorgeous and they were doing everything in their power to tease him and get him off. They were rubbing and touching him in ways that would have gotten them arrested if they had tried it down at a club. He wasn't able to stop the dancers as they undressed him and started to fondle him. He sucked when they shoved their nipples into his mouth. When one dancer shoved his face into her pussy he didn't hesitate, but started lapping eagerly as the other one sucked him and got him hard. He may not have had much of a choice when she slid a condom on him and mounted him, but when they took off the handcuffs, he was eager to continue. My third mistake was not leaving when Roger announced that the girls were ready to do the rest of us as well. At the time, I told myself that I was only staying to make sure that things didn't get too out of hand, but I was lying to myself. I had gotten pretty worked up watching the dancers do the groom and was not thinking clearly. I didn't plan on doing anything with the dancers, but I was having fun watching the show. Roger made sure that I was approached quickly. I was standing there, rock hard watching the one of the girls play with the groom and a couple of the other guys. Suddenly, I felt this small hand reach into my pants. The other dancer had come up from behind and had gotten my zipper undone. Once she got her hand on my prick, she used it as a handle to pull me into a bedroom. I tried to get away, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She was all over me and I told myself that I couldn't pull away without hurting her. Roger had promised her an extra $100.00 if she could get me to fuck her or allow her to blow me. She was determined to get that extra money. She worked on me begging me to fuck her as she continued to pump my prick. I finally gave in to the temptation; the hand job felt good and I forgot about consequences. I didn't want to fuck her but I did get a blowjob. There was nothing erotic about it. I wasn't looking for it. I didn't plan on doing it again. It wasn't even that much fun. The release was purely physical. I felt nothing for the dancer except some pity. But, whom am I kidding. I gave into the moment. I'm not proud of it, but it is hard to resist a naked woman who is begging you for sex. After she finished, I left as fast as I could. Even as I shot off on her chest, I felt incredibly guilty for what I had done. I vowed that I would make it up to Meg and that I would never let myself get in that type of position again. It was a one-time occurrence that I had no desire to repeat, but I still felt like a heel. The second incident came after an office Christmas party about eight years ago. Meg was out for the evening with the kids and I was riding with another guy from the office. I had had a few too many and was feeling no pain. My ride and I decided to join our co-workers when the party ended up at a local bar. By 9:00 P.M., the group had thinned out and most of the happily married people had already headed home. I found myself sitting with Peggy, a cute red headed co-ed who was doing an internship in our office. Peggy was pretty sloshed and, as the night went on, she started to come on to me. Peggy loved to dance and she kept dragging me out on the dance floor. She was rubbing herself against me and was doing some amazing things with her body. My chest had been intimately introduced to her breasts and she had worked her ass tight against my crotch. She knew that she had made me hard and she liked what she was feeling. In the booth, she sat pressed up against me with her hand caressing the inside of my thigh. I'll admit it. I found the attention flattering and did not discourage it as much as I should have. I grabbed a few feels too. It's not often that a middle age man has a cute co-ed come on to him. It got serious when Peggy trapped me in the hallway by the toilets and gave me a kiss that had smoke blowing out of my ears. She propositioned me. She cuddled into me and whispered that her apartment was close by and invited me to go home with her. She wanted to show me a good time. This was an offer I could resist. I knew that nothing good could come of having an office romance with her. I was happy with Meg and knew that an affair would screw up my marriage. Peggy was cute, but the risk wasn't worth it. I could see the potential consequences and this allowed me to think instead of just going with the moment. There was nothing that she could offer me that could overcome my resistance. It wasn't a hard choice. I told her no thanks and decided to catch a cab for home. The next day, Peggy thanked me. She admitted that she was attracted to me, but she was mortified when she realized what she had done. It was a classic case of alcohol reducing her inhibitions. For the rest of her internship, Peggy would blush whenever she had to deal with me. I was able to see the consequences of accepting Peggy's proposition. I was able to avoid the ultimate temptation. But, I still felt guilty. My behavior at the bar had gone over the line. I did flirt with Peggy that night. I didn't stop her when she pushed the limits. When she ground her ass into me on the dance floor, I enjoyed it and pushed back. I enjoyed the mutual groping. I didn't pull away from her kiss. For most of the night it just seemed like harmless fun, but I was brought back to reality when she invited me to her apartment. I'm just glad her proposition came in a public place. I'm not sure I could have resisted if she had done so privately. The third time was with my next-door neighbor Barb. When Barb moved in next to us she was an emotional wreck. She had just gone through a bitter divorce and needed a friend to help her get back on her feet. Somehow, I ended up that friend. For over a year, I spent a lot of time with Barb talking to her and building up her self-confidence. Meg and I talked about what I was trying to do and she supported my efforts. She told me that she was proud of me and loved me even more for caring enough about a friend to try to help her. I'm not sure how proud Meg would have been if she knew the whole story. What Meg didn't know was that Barb would flirt and come on to me on a regular basis. Barb had caught her former husband in an affair with a woman from his office and had a low sense of self-esteem. I always considered her flirting a way to recover her confidence and re affirm that she was still an attractive woman. I wasn't sure how to handle it. Barb was in a fragile state and rejecting her abruptly could be devastating. But, I was not tempted to take her up on her offers; I had learned my lesson with Peggy. I was careful not to flirt back. If an office romance was dangerous, an affair, a fling or even ongoing flirtation with a neighbor was a recipe for disaster. After long thought, I did decide not to talk to Meg about the flirting. I didn't do it to hurt Meg; I was caught up in helping Barb. If I told Meg about Barb's coming on to me, then Meg might get jealous and that would be the end to my helping Barb. So, I carefully tried to thread the minefield of assuring Barb that she remained attractive while reminding her that I was unavailable. It almost became a game. Barb would flirt with me and got more blatant as time went on. She was trying to get a rise out of me. She took to wearing sexy clothes when we talked and would tell me how much she was attracted to me. She told me how much she envied Meg. She "accidentally" flashed me quick glimpses of her breasts or her panties and let me catch her partially undressed. I'm a man. I'm not going to say that I didn't enjoyed looking at what Barb wanted to show me, but I thought she was just playing. I believed that she respected my desire to remain loyal to Meg. Barb had first hand experience of the pain caused by a cheating spouse. She told me that she didn't want to become the "other woman" in an affair, but I thought she was only teasing me when she said she liked the idea of a fling. In some ways it was my fault. I didn't discourage her as much as I could have and looked at what she was showing me with obvious appreciation. I didn't flirt back, but I did tell her that I was flattered and found her extremely attractive. It is entirely possible that she got the impression that I would have acted on her offers if I could do so safely. My mantra was that I would not do anything to hurt my marriage to Meg. When Barb told me that she had accepted a job in Spokane and was moving I was happy for her. I felt that she had finally placed her divorce behind her and was getting on with her life. I was also a bit relieved. Her flirting had gotten to the point where I was getting uncomfortable. I was worried that Meg would notice. When Barb planned her going away party, Meg and I were the first people she invited. I didn't think that Barb would flirt too much in front of everyone so I wasn't worried. I let go and started to have a good time. It was just another neighborhood party. I got separated from Meg when she got caught in a discussion with the neighborhood know it all. He wanted to give Meg his ideas on saving the school system. I mingled by myself for a while and then went upstairs to use the bathroom. Barb followed me upstairs and pulled me into her bedroom. Barb had decided that this was her last chance. She wanted to thank me all right; thank me on her back. As soon as the door shut, Barb was pushing herself against me as she tried to count my fillings with her tongue. Barb's reasoning was simple. I wouldn't fool around with a neighbor because I didn't want to hurt Meg. But now that she was leaving town, she thought she could convince me to give her a one- time command performance. Barb's method was very direct. Before I knew what was happening, her blouse was off, her tits were out and she was on her knees trying to get my pants off. She was pretty graphic in describing what she planned to do to me. She wasn't giving me time to think about Meg, she knew what she wanted and she was going after it. I did try to stop her at first, but it's hard to think about consequences when you have an attractive lady fishing around in your pants. I liked Barb and was attracted to her. I had real incentive to accept her statement that nobody would be hurt by a quick fuck. Meg would never have to know. My resistance was crumbling. I was sitting on the edge of her bed and she had managed to get my pants down and had my cock in her hand. I had just given into the temptation to start licking her nipples when I heard the doorknob rattle. That doorknob brought me back to my senses. Yes, I was still tempted, but the potential consequences had raised their ugly heads. There was too much of a chance that we would get caught. No matter how much my libido was screaming at me to fuck Barb, I knew it was not worth screwing up my marriage to Meg. Barb wanted to continue, but I was able to resist and I stopped her. I thanked her but I told her that it was crazy. I wasn't going to give in and have sex with her. I finally told her something that I should have told her a long time ago. While I found her attractive, I had no desire to be with her or with anyone else because I loved Meg. I wasn't looking for a safe way to have an affair. I didn't want one period. Barb finally got the message and apologized to me for her actions. She didn't want to leave on a sour note. I forgave her and gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her that I thought that it was time that I left. Barb laughed and told me that she would check if the path were clear. She teased me that she didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. She waved me out of the room and I went downstairs and found Meg. That party was the last time I saw Barb. So there you have it, my litany of shame. One tawdry blowjob and two abortive grope sessions over twenty years. I had never actually fucked anyone else, but I couldn't take pride in that statement, nor could I claim moral superiority over Meg. While I hated to admit it, had the circumstances been different, I easily could have ended up fucking one or more of these women. I wasn't proud of myself. My reason for refusing to fuck the dancer had nothing to do with right or wrong, I was put off by the situation. I knew that she didn't want me; she just wanted the extra $100.00 that Roger promised her. With Peggy and Barb, my awareness of potential consequences saved me from my own stupidity. I knew that had the circumstances changed, I might have fucked them both. I would have regretted it as soon as I realized what I had done, but I wasn't thinking of consequences until they were rubbed in my face. I was well on my way to fucking Barb when Ruth rattled that doorknob. I never set out to be unfaithful to Meg, but I'm human and I had given into temptation on some occasions I asked myself how I would have responded if it had been me in that suite. If I had been in Meg's situation with Judy, Rachel or Dee Dee, would I have given in? I didn't know. It would have been hard to resist. Meg did not have the outside intervention that showed her the potential consequences. She acted on the spur of the moment and screwed up. This group was almost the perfect temptation for Meg. Their views on sex and love were an extreme version of opinions that Meg had expressed to me on many occasions. Meg views sex as just another bodily function. What she views as important is the intimacy and closeness that comes with an emotional attachment. She has told me on many occasions that she feels we make love every time we cuddle and caress each other. While she enjoys sex, it's not an obsession with her, it is just one of the many ways that we show our love for one another. This group shared her views of the difference between love and sex. The difference however, is that they acted on their belief by having sex with other people. They told her it was all right to have sex as long as she kept it casual. They encouraged her to treat sex as just another physical activity. I'm familiar with Meg's beliefs about the difference between making love and having sex. We have discussed it over the years at various times. Before she met me, she was a person who lived the saying "its just sex." When she wanted release, she would agree to have sex with her date or her boyfriend of the time, but kept it casual. But after we met, she has always respected our relationship and stayed faithful to me. I don't share her belief that there is a difference between sex and making love. The act of having sex creates such an intimacy that I cannot view it as just another physical activity. The mere act of copulation is so personal that it necessarily creates a bond. Further, the mating dance to get to sex creates another type of bond. I might be a hypocrite because of what I have done, but even when I had been tempted, I've understood the consequence of my actions. I felt the guilt because I knew that I had betrayed both Meg and my own beliefs.