58 comments/ 120200 views/ 7 favorites New Year's Eve: Jealousy By: JakeRivers "Think'st thou I'd make a life of jealousy, To follow still the changes of the moon With fresh suspicions? No! To be once in doubt Is to be resolved." —Shakespeare Othello, III,iii,177 (Othello is determined not to live in jealous doubt but to resolve the situation.) This is a (possible) closure for the Story "New Year's Eve". Chapters 1 & 2 of this story were written in early 2003 by mischevious. Kanga40 wrote chapter 3 shortly thereafter. This story has been dormant for 2½ years. There have been numerous calls for the original authors to complete the story. In the last few of weeks I have had a couple readers ask me if I would complete the story, so… I'll put my next story on hold for a couple more days. I have been unable to contact mischevious, but Kanga40 graciously gave her go ahead to try my hand. I still hope to see a chapter four from her. In any case, I'm sure that this is not how either of them envisioned the story to end! Please read the first three chapters for background. It really won't mean anything if you don't. I'm doing virtually no summarizing from previous chapters! If the first two chapters aren't your cup of tea, at least read Chapter 3 by Kanga40, I believe it contains enough background for this ending to make sense, and isn't too long. This story is complete in this submission (after two and a half years you don't think I'm going to drag it on, do you?) THE DAY AFTER YESTERDAY After getting Marie to bed I looked at the clock: 12:03. Jesus, it was a new day in a new damn year. I needed to sleep but my eyes kept popping open. Finally I went downstairs. I looked under the bar to see if I still had the bottle of Celtic Heartlands Macallan. Yep! At least the New Year was starting right, even if the old one had ended kind of crappy. This was a 34-year-old scotch my dad had given me on our tenth wedding anniversary. Right now it looked like the scotch loved me more than Marie did. I'd opened it, just to taste, and put it aside for a special occasion. Now sure as hell seemed like a good time to drink it, although there wasn't anything special about this occasion. The smell was buttered mints and nice tropical fruits. The taste was layers of pure malt with great depth! Great stuff for a shitty night! I turned all the lights out and turned on the gas fireplace. Staring into the shimmering flames was almost hypnotic. I felt like one of Clint Eastwood's early movies: the scotch unfortunately was the good, Marie was the bad, and my memories of last night were the ugly. I thought I was going to throw up at the image of David's not quite erect cock at the entrance to Marie's vagina. If he had had a full erection, I realized, it would have already happened. I knew some of the blame was mine; I could have stopped it several times. But it was David that led her to the bedroom! It was Marie that got really pissed and told me to go home; she was going to stay with David! If I had not kicked in the door our marriage would be over. I drank about a third of the scotch and fell asleep on the sofa. Marie came down a little after noon. I stepped over and said good morning; she walked by without looking at me, went to the kitchen and fixed some coffee. I went into the den for a while, thinking, and went back into the kitchen and poured some coffee for myself. I sat down across from her, and quietly said, "Marie, we need to talk." She sat there, staring at her coffee. "Marie, please look at me!" I stared at her for a minute. I started getting really pissed. "Marie, God Damn it! Look at me!" I said as I threw my coffee cup at the wall, smashing it to pieces. She finally looked up at me, her face blank, and walked upstairs with her coffee. I sat looking at the coffee dribbling down the wall. Patterns… like the roadways of life… I shook my head and stood up. I went down to the basement, half-heartedly trying to work on several projects lying around. Finally I gave up, and went to the den to watch the bowl games, and finish the scotch. I never saw Marie again that day. I guess she came down and ate something while I was in the basement. Thank God the kids were at my mom's place. I slept on the sofa again that night, this time on purpose. My emotions were raw. I didn't want Marie to leave. I couldn't believe she was reacting this strongly. I was awake for hours, going over everything, trying to figure out what was happening. Finally, around three, I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and looked at my watch. Damn! It was already after eight! I sat there for a bit trying to think, and then I realized that David wasn't coming over! It came to me that I was holding my breath. I let out a long sigh, and smiled for the first time since Friday night. I fixed some coffee and started up the stairs, hoping we could put this behind us now. When I got to the landing the bedroom door opened, so I paused. Marie came out, suitcase in hand. Mesmerized, I watched her walk down the stairs towards me. I opened my arms a bit to hold her and make things right, but… she walked right past me and to the garage. I stood there stunned a bit and ran to the garage. She was driving away as the garage door slowly creaked down. Shit! She was driving to my brothers; she had made her decision. THE FIRST DAY OF FOREVER I sat in the den, alone with my thoughts. The "good" was gone; I'd finished the scotch last night. The "bad" had just deserted me, leaving me for I don't know what with my brother David. All I had left was the "ugly", and I damn sure had a lot of that. And a bottle of Maker's Mark I found. I thought back to New Year's Eve - I threw up on the carpet, the sofa and myself. I cried. I took a shower, changed clothes and opened a bottle of cheap gin. Marie was gone, the good scotch was gone… Shit! Even the Maker's Mark was gone. I was drinking cheap gin and realizing that might be a paradigm for the rest of my life. Marie was gone! Fuck my brother. Fuck me! Was I jealous of my brother? Images from the video flashed in my mind. No! I didn't have a brother! Marie? Fuck! More cheap gin… I thought about it for a long while and decided I wasn't going to be a victim! First, I called a storage place I had used when we brought our current house. Next I called to the local UHaul and reserved a truck. I went down, picked it up and got tons of boxes. Christ! The boxes cost more than the booze! I went back home, packed everything up, everything I felt I wanted to keep. It wasn't much. I drove to the storage place and unloaded. After taking the truck back I went to the bank. Opening up new, separate accounts – splitting everything 50/50, I told the VP that was taking care of me to call her cell phone to have her sign the new cards for checking and savings. I figured I'd earned about 60% of the money we had, but I just wanted to get gone from her! I kept out about twenty grand in traveler's checks. Do you know how many goddamn times you have to sign your name for that many traveler's checks? Shit! I stopped by my lawyer's office and signed a power of attorney to sell the house or any other damn thing Marie wanted to do, including divorce. I just didn't want to deal with it! I told him my basic plans, and how to reach me in an emergency, but to tell Marie that I would talk to her in a few months so we could settle things. "Donald, could you keep your eyes on the kids? I know this is a big favor to ask, but could you do this for me as a friend. The twins, Paul and Andy, and my little girl, Cassie, are at my mom's. I'm sure Marie will be picking them up, but if there is any problem at all, get hold of me at the emergency numbers I'll fax you from time to time. Then I went by the office and talked to my boss. We had a pretty good relationship. I had worked for him for many years. He was the Vice President of Marketing and I was a product manager. I told him some of what had happened and asked for some unpaid time off. He was okay with it, we had finished several new product introductions recently, and things were a little slow right now. I had a couple of "early days" projects that the new girl I had been training could take care of for a few months. Bob asked me to call him if there was anything he could do to help. I went to an on-line travel site I had used a lot over the years and booked a thirty-day cruise to the Mediterranean. It was tough because of the holiday season. I had to take a suite. What the hell! I went to the airport a couple hours later and flew to Ft. Lauderdale. Boarding the cruise ship I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. ESCAPE I got to the ship early and spent a couple hours getting familiar with the ship – somehow Marie and I had never done this before. I made it a point of "baptizing" each bar I found. Damn! There were seven of them. Being somewhat of a perfectionist, I did it again! Later, I remembered to go to the right dining room for dinner. Jeez! I bet you thought I'd forget to eat! I wound up at a table for eight, a stockbroker couple, a banking couple (well, maybe retired banking couple – God! I hoped!), the Purser, a retired schoolteacher, and… this redhead! I didn't mean it to be demeaning that I saw her only as a redhead, but, hell, that was her defining feature. Did you ever see Maureen O'Hara in "The Angry Man?" Well, that was Muirinn. I learned later that Muirinn meant "of the long hair." That was she. Red hair? You had to see it! Long, to her waist long, thick, rich, red! Freckles like they were going out of style. Were there more? And where? My inquiring mind wanted to know! She sat next to me. I fidgeted. With my hands under the table I took my ring off… why hadn't I done that before? "Hello I'm Muirinn," as she put her hand out. She pronounced it. I couldn't. Staring at her, I finally stuttered, "I'm Chance." Dinner was enchantingly good! I had a filet mignon in a béarnaise sauce and some really great Burgundy! It was so nice to just sign my name and wonderful things happened. Dessert was just; well, as it melted in my mouth I kept looking at Muirinn, thinking incredibly sweet thoughts! Later, I ran into Muirinn in the Casino. She turned out to be my good luck charm. First, I was screwing around with the slots, just out of idleness. $3,000! Three grand! Three thousand dollars! Love those slots! Muirinn wanted to try roulette. I gave her a couple of the black chips - $200. She put them on red and hit. And again! She was ecstatic, laughing at herself, at me. We went over to try craps… $7.000! Big time! Texas Holdem, $22,000! By the end of the trip I was up more than a hundred grand! But the trip wasn't over. Muirinn and I went dancing later – she made me a much better dancer than I was. I had a lot of fun and we wound up on the poop deck, smoking (I hadn't smoked for more than ten years). She told me her story. "I'm from County Meath, outside of Dublin. I'm in the middle of five girls. It was hard growing up, no money, nothing. I was smart and got a scholarship to Farnborough College of Technology in Aldershot. That's south of Farnborough in Hampshire. I met a sergeant in the Coldstream Guards and fell madly in love. I guess it was the uniform and maybe his cockiness! God was he arrogant!" "He was making pretty good money, around £20,000 a year, so I was able to keep up my studies. After two years he was assigned to the Household Cavalry Regiment in Bosnia. It was supposed to be for six months. After three weeks, three bloody fuckin' weeks, he was killed in a car accident. I knew I could never go home, having married a Brit, and after graduating, I got a job with Chase Manhattan in New York. "It was okay, but after Ashley, my heart just wasn't in it. My heart had no room for men. That was five years ago!" "Muirinn," I began, but she started laughing at my mispronunciation. "Well, Red then" as she smiled, "Has there been anyone else?" "No, I just lost interest, I guess you had to know Ashley. He, well, he overwhelmed me! No one could ever do that again, and I don't even want to try!" "But, you just can't shut yourself off!" "I know, damn it, I know! I'm here because I know I need to be, well shit, I need to be fucked!" she answered as she blushed furiously. She was quiet for a moment, and continued, "Chance, I need you!" Thinking of Marie, I answered, "Yeah, Red, I need you too!" We went to her cabin, holding hands. She disappeared into the tiny rest room and came out about ten minutes later in a diaphanous pink gown. It was thin enough to see the freckles continued on to her breasts. "Chance, I don't want any entanglements! I know I'm screwed up from Ashley, but please, just be with me until we get to Naples. Don't ask me any questions; don't make any promises. Hold me! Love me!" I sat next to her on the bed and just did that, I held her. She was crying, shaking a little. I was patient. She buried her face in my neck. Later she turned her face up and kissed me, gently, and again. She looked sleepy, looking at me with smoky green eyes, almost closed. "Love me, Chance, love me!" I pulled her gown off; she was absolutely gorgeous! Her breasts were small, with no sag at all. The nipples were large, the shade of pink sometimes found in a sunset over the ocean just as the sun dips in the sea. Her body was tight, she clearly worked out (I found out later she was a dedicated runner – she had run in three New York marathons). Her bush was as red as her hair and trimmed into a neat triangle. I kissed her, and felt her response. I slid down to her breasts, kissing her soft skin as I went. Holding one breast at a time I loved it! I made love to it. So soft. My hand framed her right breast, pushed it up as I slowly licked around the areola, slowly, flicking the nipple occasionally with my tongue. Taking turns with her breasts I made love to them, until I felt her body shudder with release. She started crying again and I started to rise, alarmed. "No! No, it's okay. It's been so long!" she whispered as she moved my head lower on her body. It was strange! I wasn't thinking of my self, sure I had a serious erection, but I just wanted to please her, to give her the relief she needed. I used my tongue; I used my fingers. Her orgasms were almost scary. She was crying, she was shouting – not my name! When I mounted her it was all but over. Tears were sliding down her cheeks, but it was clearly over for her. I was ashamed, but I didn't stop, I had problems of my own and needed release too! Afterwards, we both fell asleep. In the dawning we made love again, no tears this time, but sweetly, gently, for a long time… It was a great cruise! Muirinn loosened up and we had a lot of fun. She never said anything of love. If she had, I probably would have too. I certainly loved her in some fashion, and had even wondered if she would like my kids. I know she would fall in love with Cassie. We made a number of stops in the Eastern Caribbean, small islands becoming a no name blur. Eventually we headed east, into the long stretch of open, empty Atlantic. We finally arrived in Funchal, Madeira and had, I think, the best meal of the trip. We went down to the waterfront to a restaurant that had small boats sitting in the water, with wooden walkways leading to them. We had this really ugly fish, vicious teeth and all. It was called the Scabbard fish, but locally it was the Espada Preta. Local fishermen caught these fish with long lines, between a half-mile and a mile deep! It was grilled with a half banana on the top and served with some nicely chilled Vinho Verde (green wine). It was a totally gorgeous day, and I felt myself being drawn more and more to Muirinn. I don't know how much of it was because of her and how much of it was my anger towards Marie. We made several more stops, finally arriving at Naples. We docked around five in the afternoon, and would debark at eight the next morning. I had plans to spend a few weeks in Italy, and then Spain, but I had no set itinerary. We had a nice meal onboard for the last night; the restaurant went all out. We went to the lounge afterwards, mostly sitting quietly, dancing once in a while. About ten, Muirinn took my hand and led me down to her cabin. Putting her finger on my lips, she slowly undressed and lay on the bed. Taking my hand she pulled me down. It was slow, it was… endearing! It was as if she was a whirlpool and I was being pulled into it! It was like nothing else I had ever experienced. I fell asleep. Around one, Muirinn shook my shoulder. "Chance, it's time to leave! I still have to pack." I started to talk to her, to tell her how I felt! Her hand caressed my face, my lips. "Chance, I love you… but I don't. I know this doesn't help you, but Ashley will always be my love. Maybe that's morbid to you; but it's not to me. I will always remember you, how you made me alive again, if only for a few days." "Please don't look for me in the morning. I want to keep you in my heart as you are!" I took her in my arms, both of us gently crying! The next morning I slept late on purpose, until I finally couldn't stand it! I hurriedly dressed and ran to the railing on my balcony. I saw a glimpse of red moving through the crowd on the dock… "Red!" I yelled! A flash of a pale face, a hand waved, wavered, and she was gone! Tears in my eyes I went back to the cabin and packed. The rest of the trip was strange. I didn't even look at another woman. Sure, I thought about trying to find Muirinn. But I knew she was gone. It was over, never more to be; never meant to be. I couldn't stop myself… I started remembering Marie. Those hazel eyes started to haunt me. I remember how sexy she was when she dressed up. I remembered her pert breasts. I remembered… my brother's prick, ready to fuck her as soon as it got hard! Shit! What was I feeling? Well, I was pissed, angry, mad, and yeah, jealous! Ain't this a fucking riot? I'm jealous of my brother who was probably fucking my wife while I was sitting here drinking! Yeah, I got drunk a few times. More than a few! Jealous! Shit! I didn't much feel like sightseeing so I walked around a lot, but mostly I enjoyed the restaurants. One in Madrid, near the Plaza Mayor was incredible! Called Restaurante Botín, it was even in the Guinness Book of records as the oldest continuously operated restaurant in the world, since 1725. It was really a series of connected caves below ground and several buildings connected together above ground. It was really weird; floors didn't meet between buildings, little alcoves all over the place, but the food! I usually had a pitcher of Sangria and either the cochinillo asado or the cordero asado, the suckling pig or the roast lamb. This was like nothing I had ever had in the states. (Later, I found out they also had a place in Coral Gables. Was it worth moving down there? Hmmmm!) But, I was lonely. Visions of both Marie and Muirinn juxtaposed; images of one, then the other, or both. Some nights I thought maybe I was a little crazy. Other nights there were no doubts. I became a loner, drinking a lot, not talking to anyone. I eventually, after three months, realized that I didn't know what I was doing, or why. I think I really was a little schizoid! It was time to go home. I was missing the kids something fierce; the boys sure, but my little Cassie was an ache in my heart. Damn! I was more pissed than ever at Marie. RETURN OF THE VAGABOND I finally arrived at Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix the first of April (was I the biggest fool of all?). I rented a car. When the bus dropped me off I was sweating like a pig, it must have been over a hundred at eleven at night. I drove to the house in the icy air-conditioning of the rental car… it was dark with a "sold" sign on the lawn. "Well shit!" I thought. New Year's Eve: Jealousy I had plenty of money left from the cruise, so I went to the Pointe West. The steak place out back was still open, so I hurried over there after putting my stuff in my room. The steak was incredible: the food in Europe was great, but I'm a meat and potato guy at heart. I ate and sweated. Drank some wine, ate and sweated. I finished the bottle and asked for another, which I wound up taking back to the room. Lying in bed I started thinking. I had no idea what I would find. Marie, shit, I didn't know. If my sudden erection meant anything, I guess I still felt something for her, at least something physical! My brother, David? Fuck! He was dead! But I did have one feeling for him… jealousy, the goddamn green eyed monster! I fell asleep, deep sleep! Morning brought sunshine, breakfast (steak and eggs), and a realization that I had gained… a lot! I brought swim trunks in the gift shop and swam for a half hour. I was proud of myself! I was doing great! And then I swam up to the bar and started on Margaritas! Well, maybe tomorrow I'd cut back. It went like that for a week: steak at night, swimming during the day, and gradually less, and less booze and more and more swimming. I felt adrift. I felt alone. I felt… jealous of my brother! And I hated and loved Marie at the same time. Finally, after a week, I called my lawyer and made an appointment. I showed up early, but didn't have to wait too long. "Chance! How the hell are you? I thought you were never coming back!" "Well, Donald, there were days when I thought seriously about that. I stopped by the house and saw the 'sold' sign. What's up with that?" "Well, you took off and told me to do whatever I had to, so I did. It took me a while to get hold of Marie, Jeez! I called your folks and they gave me number for her parents. I called over there, but they wouldn't tell me where she was. I guess they are pissed with you! They did say they had the kids and that they were fine and Marie was seeing them regularly. Did you know she is living in Sedona now?" "Don, I haven't talked to anybody for three months!" "Anyway, when I finally talked to her she sounded kind of upset! I asked her what was wrong, but she didn't answer. I told her about the account changes, but the bank had already talked to her about that. I asked her what she wanted to do about the house." "She asked me 'When is Chance coming back?'" "I told her what you said, 'in a few months.'" "She responded, 'Well, I don't think either of us want to live there anymore, so sell the damn thing!'" "Well, I did. Jesus, it was a hot property! Closing is tomorrow, and you'll net about three hundred grand after closing costs. It's set up to put half in each of your accounts, is that okay?" Thinking about Sedona, I mumbled, "Yeah, that's okay." We talked for a few minutes, and finally I asked if he had a phone number for her. "No, but she will be here for the closing tomorrow. Hell, you don't need to, but you can come if you want." "No, just tell me where it is and I might show up. I'll call you for sure when I get an apartment." Since money didn't seem to be a problem, that afternoon I leased a really nice place in Carefree. It was a house, but the owner was in Europe for a year. I figured by that time I'd know what I wanted to do. RETROSPECTIVE ONE New Year's day, early. "Damn!" David thought. That fucking Chance screwed up everything. His mind wandered, "I've wanted Marie since I first saw her but never thought it would ever happen. Then last night things just evolved and she really wanted to be fucked! Then Chance screwed things up." Thinking about it some more he remembered how tough his brother was. "Shit! No broad is worth this!" Waking up Ann, who had drifted off to sleep on the sofa, he said, "If Marie or Chance calls, tell them I'm not home. If either of them, particularly that damn slut Marie comes to the door, do not open it!" He dragged her upstairs and they slept the sleep of the dead! RETROSPECTIVE TWO When Marie woke up on New Year's Day, she remembered all that had happened the evening before. Looking in the mirror in the bath, she flushed violently! Putting her hands over her face she started crying. She felt dirty! She had betrayed Chance! Oh God! Standing in the shower she went over in her mind what had happened… "I really screwed up! I don't know what happened. The whole evening was weird! I played the slut and that's not who I am. I've really screwed it up with Chance, and I'll never be able to face Ann and David again. I'm just thankful Chance stopped it when he did." Finishing the shower, she looked some more in the mirror as she toweled off: "This is Chance's body," she thought, "I don't know what I was doing with David. I didn't think I had that much to drink! I know I was horny as hell, but damn! I just can't remember how it happened!" Getting dressed she walked down to breakfast. Chance was standing there, looking at her. "I can't face him! I don't know what to say." These thoughts, and others, ran through her mind. Seeing him on the stairs, she just couldn't look at him. Fixing and pouring some coffee she sat down at the breakfast table with the mug, watching the coffee swirl around in it, staring at it as if it had answers. She sure as hell didn't! Sitting there she heard Chance saying something… she looked up and stared at him, her mind blank! "I'm going crazy!" she thought, as she stood and walked up the stairs, hearing something smash as she was halfway up. She stayed upstairs until she got hungry, slipping down for a sandwich, but not seeing Chance. "God, I've lost him! I've lost his love… I've lost everything. I can't talk to him; I don't deserve him." The rest of the day, she stayed in her room, berating herself. She knew her husband was downstairs, but she just couldn't go to him. "Why?" she asked herself, "Why can't I go down and talk to him. Maybe he will forgive me?" But she never had the nerve to reach out, a little afraid of him. Deciding early the next morning, ("happy fucking New Year", she thought!) that she would just slip away. "It's better that I leave. I'd rather do that than have him throw me out. I know there are going to be bitter feelings and I don't want to make it worse. I know he will want to know why but I don't know why!" She packed a small suitcase and started down the stairs. She saw Chance on the landing, his arms reaching out, and her heart broke! She couldn't turn to him. She totally forgot about David. Driving away, she remembered that her roommate from Tucson owned a B&B in Sedona with her husband. "Maybe she can put me up for a few days?" she mused. When she arrived at the B&B, her old roomy, Candace threw her arms around her. They had always been best friends. Marie started crying and Candace took her arm and led her back into the office. "What's the matter, Marie? You look so unhappy!" "Oh, Candace! I've messed up and lost Chance!" Marie explained to Candace all that had happened. "Marie! You have to call him. Talk to him! I know he loves you." "I can't," Marie sobbed, "I've lost him!" The day after New Year's, she called her office and begged for some time off. She called her mom explaining she had some problems with Chance but refused to give any details. Her mom agreed to pick up the kids from their other grandparents and watch them for a while. A few days later, Candace and her husband, James, offered her a small room in the back with meals and a small stipend if she could cover the desk at night. "There's really not much to do, but someone has to be there. If a guest has a problem at night, or comes in late, or calls to make a reservation, someone needs to be available. We know it's not much Marie, but it gives the day to yourself and you can decide what you want to do." Marie really liked this. At night she would read or think about Chance. Some nights she would write him love letters, telling him how she loved him and how badly she felt. They were never sent. During the day she would hike a lot, the country was incredibly beautiful. Some nights, one or another of the guests would try to hit on her but she would just smile and shake her head. She tried to call home a few times, maybe a hundred! Two hundred! She couldn't count. The phone would just ring. She started going down to Sun City to see the kids once a week. The first trip she stopped by the house and saw that Chance's stuff was gone! She collapsed on the bed crying, heartbroken, for hours. Finally, after a month, she got a call from Phoenix; it was Chance's lawyer. Marie started talking to him but broke down and started crying. Finally, pulling herself together, she asked what he wanted. "Marie, I don't have too much for you. Do you know how hard it was to find you? We finally found a girl from your work that had been in your sorority at the U of Arizona in Tucson and she told me about Candace being your best friend, and about the B&B. I did talk to your parents but they wouldn't tell me where you were… did they give you my message?" "No, they just said that Chance's lawyer called. I assumed it was for a divorce, so I never asked anything else." "Anyway, Chance gave me power of attorney and said to take care of things. I talked to the bank and they said you knew about the new accounts, but what do you want to do about the house?" "Oh! How is Chance? Where is he? Did he ask about me? Did he start divorce proceedings? Oh, God! Tell me about him!" "Marie, I'm sorry, all he told me was to take care of things. He didn't say anything about divorce, he just said he would be gone for a few months, and he would call me when he got back. That's all I can tell you." "I'm sorry, I'm not thinking clearly. What did you want?" "Marie, we need to decide about the house. He didn't say specifically, but I don't think he cares about the house. My sister is looking for something in that school district, and if you want we can do it without an agent and save you and Chance an lot of money!" It struck Marie that she and Chance would never live there again! "I guess… I guess, well what do you think?" "I really don't think Chance cares! He left me power of attorney; he is not here. What do you want to do?" "Your sister really likes it? Oh, go ahead and sell it! I don't know what's right. I don't know what Chance wants (except it's not me, she told herself). Go ahead and sell it!" "Okay, give me the fax number where you are and I'll send the offer as soon as we can get it prepared. I have all the account info for depositing the closing amounts, half in each account. All you have to do is sign the papers at the closing." "Donald, has Chance said anything about a divorce?" "No, Marie, he gave me power of attorney for all the financial stuff and a divorce if you wanted one. Do you" "Oh, Donald! God, no! Please let me know if you hear from him." Marie felt like a chapter in her life was closing but she didn't know what else to do! Life continued, somewhat surprising Marie. Hints of spring came early to the high desert country. She had gone skiing with Candace a couple of times, having fun in the lodge in the evenings. When someone would approach Candace, Marie would tell him "Poor girl, ever since her husband died of aids, she doesn't feel like going out anymore" or a similar story. If a guy approached Marie in the bar, Candace would say "Don't bother the poor girl, she's been down in the dumps since her husband beat the crap out of that guy she was dancing with!" They had fun making up the stories, giggling more than the drinks would cause, and laugh, as the guys would run away. Candace realized it was good therapy for Marie, and would go to great lengths to make her smile. Finally, the day came to go to Phoenix for the closing. Marie had mixed emotions, "I guess it's good to finish this. I do need the money. I need to get on with my life." THE CLOSING - CHANCE The closing was at a mortgage broker in Scottsdale. I got there early and looked around. Next-door was a small restaurant. I hadn't had lunch so I asked for a window seat in the front. I was looking right in to the parking lot in front of the office. "Damn," Chance thought, "Should I go on over there?" About five minutes before the hour I saw Marie arrive, get out of her car, and go into the office. She looked good! At exactly three, I saw Donald and his sister and her husband (I had met them at a wedding of one of Donald's cousins a few years ago) park their car and go inside. I sat there, fidgeting with my Gin and Tonic, then a second one, for about thirty minutes. Finally, I saw everyone come out. They stood there shaking hands for a few minutes. Then Donald left with his sister and her husband. Marie stood there for a minute, looking lost, and then went to her car. She sat down in the driver's seat; I watched, waiting for her to drive away. She started banging on the steering wheel; viciously enough that I started out to stop her. When I got to her car, her head was down on her arms, sobbing. I stood there a minute watching her with very mixed emotions: God, she was beautiful! Shit, she was David's girl now! Lifting her head she wiped her eyes and looking straight ahead, started the car. Still not saying anything, I watched her. Her hair was longer, and shit! What was that… gray hairs! I was mesmerized! I didn't know what to say. She started slowly backing out, looking in the mirror behind her and then… turning her head to the left to check that direction, looking right into my eyes! She froze for a minute, looking at me, and whispered "Chance!" Turning totally a deep scarlet, she recklessly backed out and tore away, almost creaming a Caddy entering the lot, and was out of there before I could react! I looked down and could see the tire track… about an inch from my foot! THE CLOSING - MARIE I drove down to Phoenix and had lunch at a place Chance and I used to go before we got married. I guess I was feeling lonely. I picked at my food for a while, I really wasn't hungry, and finally gave up and drove to Scottsdale for the closing. I parked and went in; I was the first one there. The receptionist put me in the conference room and gave me some water and coffee. I didn't want the coffee; I was having trouble sleeping, and opened the water. After a few minutes everyone else entered. If you've been to a closing before, you know what it's like! Sign this! Sign that! Finally it was over, and Donald handed me the copy of the wire transfer. "You know Chance is back, don't you?" he asked. "No! Where is he! Is he all right! Where has he been all this time?" "Marie, ease up! I don't know where he is, he stopped by yesterday and said he was looking for a place to stay, and that he would call me when he found one." "Is he coming today?" "Whoa, Marie! He didn't say anything. I told him about the closing of course, but all he said was that he would call me!" "Okay, I'm sorry Donald, it's just… did he say anything about divorce?" "No, I'm sorry Marie, I don't really know anything." I sat there a minute, thinking. After a bit, I got up and walked out to the car. Opening the door and sitting down, I lost it. It was suddenly too much for me. Losing Chance for some drunken lust… I started banging on the steering wheel. Feeling something snap in my hand, a sudden sharp pain, I gave up and started sobbing. Sobbing… it was hysterical crying! The pain in my hand, the pain in my heart… I knew they were both broken. But the pain in my hand would heal! Gaining control of myself, I started the car and began backing out. Looking to the right and over my right shoulder I started backing up slowly. Automatically looking to the left, I looked straight into Chance's eyes! We stared at each other for a second and then I panicked! Backing recklessly, I wheeled around almost giving a geriatric in a big car a heart attack! Getting on the freeway quickly I drove up to the I17 interchange and went north towards Sedona. About half way there I had to pull off the freeway… my eyes were blurry. I sat there for a while, thinking, finally washing my eyes from a bottle of water. I pulled into the B&B parking lot right at sundown, on a soft, warm, and gentle evening. CHANCE Stunned at seeing Marie, at her behavior, her reaction to seeing me, I didn't know what to think. I went back over to the restaurant and asked for another gin & tonic. Nursing it, watching the condensation sliding down the sides of the glass to the table, I tried to figure out what was what… what was going on and what was I feeling. I thought about calling my brother… and remembered I didn't have one. I considered calling the B&B in Sedona, but I didn't want to talk to Marie on the phone. I decided to drive up and see Marie – after a few cups of coffee. I wasn't sure if I cared that much about living, but I didn't want to take anyone out with me! I got to Sedona at full dark. Coming into town from Cottonwood, one of the first buildings on my left was a hospital. I pulled in there, figuring I could get some coffee and ask directions to the B&B. As I started to get out of my car I saw Marie walking out the front door of the hospital with Candace, who I had met several times. Marie had a cast on her hand and wrist. I decided to follow them to the B&B; I didn't want to talk to Marie in a parking lot. It was a couple miles down a side road, following a brook for a ways. They parked as I waited at the entrance to the parking area for a few minutes. When they went inside, I pulled into the parking lot. I sat in my car for twenty minutes or so, thinking it through. Going all that had happened, New Year's Eve, Marie and David, Marie leaving to be with him the next day, my odyssey to Europe with the sad/pleasant interlude with Muirinn. Remembering Marie's reactions earlier. She didn't seem to be with David, so I didn't really know what was going on. Breathing a deep sigh, I got out of the car and went to the door they had gone in. Entering, I saw Candace sitting in front of the fireplace, talking to a couple guests. Seeing me she jumped up. "Chance!" she gasped as she ran over and threw her arms around me! She almost knocked me over… What does this mean? Why this reaction? I'd only met her a few times! "Thank God you came! I've been so worried about Marie. She was almost hysterical went she got back from Phoenix." "I saw you come out of the hospital. Is her hand broken?" "Yes," Candace continued. "She is in a lot of pain, but she refused to take anything for it. "Chance," she continued, "Marie told me everything that happened. Since she got here she has been inconsolable. I think she is almost literally heart-broken. You know she loves you, right?" "Yeah, I know," I answered sadly. "But she chose my brother. She left and went to him, damn her!" "Oh no, Chance! She never went there. She was so mortified at what she had done, and almost done, that she just couldn't face you! She knew she had lost you and ran away. She didn't know what to do, so she came up here." "But I thought…" "No, Chance, she didn't go there. She has not seen or talked to David since that awful night! She has been healing here, but her heart is dying. The last week or so she has been apathetic, turning into herself! Go to her Chance. At least talk to her. Give her that much at least." She pointed down the hallway, telling me how to find Marie's room. I walked down, turned the corner and stood in front of her door. I could hear her, barely, through the door, sobbing. I tried to understand what Candace had told me, about Marie not going to David. I had hated both of them for three months for what they had done to me. I had drunk myself into a stupor too many nights trying to fight down the insane jealousy I had felt. It was almost too much to understand. New Year's Eve: Jealousy Finally, I tapped on the door, lightly… after a minute, a little harder. I heard the crying become muffled, almost stopping. A quiet "One minute!" The door opened, Marie looked at me and whispered, "Chance" and fainted! MARIE I came up from a deep fog, my face feeling wet. Chance was sitting on the bed wiping my face with a damp washcloth. He was looking at me, his concern showing. I started to speak, but he put his finger on my lip "Hush, not yet" he quietly murmured. I lay there, looking at him, one of his hands wiping the hair back from my forehead, over and over, the other taking mine. He looked drawn, tired! We stayed that way for a while, my body slowly relaxing, my mind going still. Finally I sat up, looking at him for a moment, and then turning away. "Chance, oh God Chance, I'm so sorry, so damn sorry!" Tears started streaming from my eyes and I couldn't continue. "How are the kids? I've missed them fiercely, especially my little girl!" "Oh, Chance! They are fine. I visit them at least once a week. At first Cassie would cry when I came in without you. I started telling her stories about you; you know all the silly kid things your mom told me. I know I should have moved them somewhere, back to the house or got an apartment. I think I've been a little crazy – I couldn't make any decisions! Chance, are things going to work out?" "Marie, we need to talk, but not now. I think we are both in shock now. I'll see if Candace can find me a place to stay and we can talk in the morning – maybe take a walk after breakfast." He ran his hand over my forehead and then taking his thumb wiped the tears from under my eyes. He kissed my forehead and left the room. A few minutes later Candace brought some tea, and stayed and talked with me until I got sleepy. The next morning, awakened by the sunshine and the birds fighting with the squirrels, I got up and jumped in the shower. I wasn't sure why but I felt better. I didn't know what was going to happen but I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I could stand tall again. I really didn't have any hope that Chance could forgive me - I hadn't forgiven myself yet. But at least things would be resolved and we both could get on with our lives. I hoped that at a minimum we could become friends. I didn't think I could face never seeing Chance again. Getting dressed I went into the dining room to find something to eat from the morning buffet. Chance was sitting there, drinking coffee. As he saw me, he stood and pulled a chair out so I could sit. Hesitantly at first, then with more verve we started talking. By unspoken agreement, we didn't talk of anything serious. I talked of my stay at the B&B: of the beauty of the forest, the almost tame animals. I blushed when I told him the stories Candace and I made up to keep guys from bothering me. He grinned at the aids story, and laughed out loud at hearing how he had beat up my boyfriend! It was good to hear him laugh; it had been so damned long! He told me some of what he had done, the cruise, some of what he had seen, the restaurants. His face darkening a little, he admitted to drinking too much without saying why. But I knew, and I looked down, feeling sad. After breakfast he asked if I knew a place we could go to so we could talk. I asked Candace if she could fix a box lunch and a thermos of coffee for us. I went back to the room and changed into shorts, a sleeveless blouse and walking shoes. Going back to the lobby, I found Chance waiting, with the lunch and coffee in a backpack. His shoes were okay for walking and he had borrowed a pair of shorts and a tee shirt from Candace's husband, James. Without talking much, I think we both were feeling some trepidation over what might happen, we started down my favorite trail. It was up a narrow valley along a bubbling, cheery creek. There were lots of birds, squirrels, and once, a couple of startled fawns leaping off into the brush. It was a warm morning, still cool in the shade, with the promise of a hot afternoon. Except for the noise of the brook and the animals, it was a deathly quiet place. There was a faint breeze, just audible swishing through the tops of the oaks and scattered pines. After an hour – we made several stops to watch animals, or look at the fish in the stream – the valley widened out where another creek ran into our larger one. There were several large flat rocks in the middle of the brook. We walked gingerly across a log someone had placed there. We laughed as the log started turning and we had to jump the last couple feet. Chance took a blanket from the backpack, opened the thermos and poured some coffee. Looking at me, with a serious look on his face, he said, "Marie, we have to talk now!" THE END OF DAYS – CHANCE "When you left I thought you were going to David. I thought about following you; I don't know, maybe kill him! I had a terrible anger! It was only remembering the kids that kept me away. All I could think of was running, escape! I couldn't stay and face you knowing you were sleeping with David… no, let me finish! I know now you never went over there, but that day I didn't. Imagine my feelings! "Marie, I have to tell you, on the cruise, there was a woman!" "Chance, you don't have to say anything. This is all my fault!" "No, part of it was my fault too. It got out of hand! I don't know what's going to happen with us, but we must start with honest and better communication than we have had the last few years! Do you agree with this?" "Yes, of course! I'll do my best also." "On the cruise, I met this woman on the first night at dinner…" I told her about Muirinn. When I told about the last night, about what Muirinn had said and how she had left, Marie started crying. I think partly because of the sadness of it, but also partly because of realizing how close she came to surely losing me. I went on and told her about the rest of the trip, the loneliness and the drinking, and of how it was the pull of the children that brought me back. Timidly, Marie asked, "Then it wasn't me that you came home for?" as she started crying again! "No, Marie! Don't forget I thought you were with David! Now I don't know what to think! I just don't want to run anymore and I want my family back if there is anyway we can reconcile. THE END OF DAYS – MARIE "Oh baby! I'm so sorry! At first I just didn't know what happened. I hated myself for what I had done but I didn't know why I had done it! Last month I called my psych professor from college and asked her if I could come down and have lunch with her. I explained everything that had happened, and she told me what she thought. "She said she sees this all the time at the school. Alcohol acts like a sedative on the central nervous system, and what is most affected is behavior and emotion. Judgment goes out the window. She said that's why a lot of drunks think they are okay to drive. Some people are much more affected than others, and that I should stay away from having too much to drink. "I guess I was horny anyway, the alcohol and sex was going on, and God, Chance, I just lost myself. I'm not making excuses. I know I was wrong. I'm not telling you this so you will forgive me. This is something that has helped me try to get my life back together. Since that night, I never drink more that one glass of wine and I stay out of situations that could even look bad! "Chance, I do love you! Life has been so dark with you gone. Staying here, coming to the glade, the quietude, the beauty; it has helped me stay sane! Do… do you still love me, baby?" Chance looked at me, staring. He reached out with his hand, brushing my cheek. He leaned forwards, putting his arms around me. I pulled back… lying down on the blanket, pulling my husband down on top of me! A pair of orioles twittered in the tree, watching the spectacle of the man and woman. A squirrel paused, waiting… the water, splashing over the stones in the brook, gurgled, burbled, on to the great sea far away! Life on the world stage goes on, bothered not by the foolishness of two mere humans. NEW YEAR'S EVE – THE MONA LISA SMILE I was in the coffee shop at the hospital, choking down a partially warmed up cheeseburger. Marie was up in the operating room for emergency surgery. Throwing away the garbage in the trash, I got a cup of halfway decent coffee and sat by the window, watching the rain streaming down the windows, causing the world to blur. In spite of myself, I thought back to the previous New Year's Eve, of the pain, heartache and misunderstanding, the long period of blackness. I had refused to see or talk to David, and finally my brother had moved to Seattle. The kids were fine; my Cassie owned my heart more than ever. Marie was, well, she was in surgery. Thinking of all that could go wrong, tears formed in my eyes, brimmed over and slipped gently down my face. Marie, Marie… A hand touched my shoulder, briefly. Looking up I saw a volunteer holding a tissue for me. Taking it and wiping my eyes, I looked askance. "Please come with me," she said quietly, "the nurse wants you." "Do you know anything? How is she?" "No, the nurse just said to find you, that you would probably be down here." I followed her up to the nursing station. The nurse showed no emotion, face like a sphinx. "She's back from the OR, you can see her now." Looking at him, assessing his mood, she continued, "things might not be what you expect – I wanted you to know." Opening the door I saw in a flash that Marie was looking at me, a Mona Lisa smile on her face. Before I could say anything a nurse stuck a squalling bundle in my left arm. Stunned I looked at it, bewildered by the wrinkled beauty of the angry face! As I started to look up at Marie, the nurse pushed another bundle into my right arm, this one placid in her wrapping, looking at me with her barely open eyes, somewhat haughtily. Looking up from the twin miracles, Marie was laughing and crying, mouthing "I Love You!" Life was good. The end! Well folks, I'm sure an ending different than either "mischevious" or "Kanga40" envisioned. I'm also sure, as usual, some readers will be pleased… and some not! As Doris Day would say, "Que Será, Será!" Please vote! We writers have tender souls and need all the encouragement we can get!