223 comments/ 101431 views/ 124 favorites Mr E and the Guilty Conscience By: Tx Tall Tales ================== What does he know? What will he do? Again, something a little out of my normal wheel well - but then again, there's been a lot of that lately, hasn't there? Mister E is a new character that's a bit out of the ordinary, and this is the first of a series of unusual adventures I have lined up for him. I hope you enjoy. Another difficult one to categorize. I chose Loving Wives, even though there's not much sex in it, and no cheating. Could have been humor or Non-Erotic. Let me know what you think about the category choice. This is an entry in the 2013 Summer Lovin' Contest. ================== * * * Now * * * It was a small summer barbecue party, a few of our closest friends hanging out in our backyard, enjoying the bay view. I'd never been that social, and was enjoying the camaraderie, the easy laughter, the comfortable give and take that happens between friendly couples. It was all so new to me, and I have to admit I enjoyed it. All thanks to my amazing wife Sue. We have a large outdoor prep table where Sue and I were finishing the preparations before putting the food over the coals. She was fixing a huge salad, while I took care of the chicken. "You heard that Bill Davis moved out?" Annie, one of the wives gossiped. Our guests were all gathered on the back deck, while we were assisted in our endeavors. Dale, Annie's husband was trimming and seasoning steaks for those who wanted them. Marie, the youngest in our small crowd, was mixing some kind of salad dressing. Rabbit food, not my favorite. Her husband Mark was sitting on a stool, watching. I couldn't blame him. The three bikini tops deserved the attention. My wife Sue laughed. "No surprise. I heard the bastard's been cheating on her with one of the office bimbos for over a year." She rolled out a couple of cherry tomatoes onto the heavy oak slicing board. "You know what I'd do if I caught him cheating?" she asked, grinning. She pulled out the tenderizing mallet and slammed it down hard on the pair of tomatoes and smashed them to a pulp. The ladies laughed, as did I. Dale said 'Ouch!' earning more giggles, and a pretty loud guffaw from me. Annie looked at me. "You think that's funny?" she teased. "Yeah. Anyone screwing around deserves what they've got coming." I was working on slicing up a chicken, and thought I'd try to be part of the fun. "If I caught someone cheating," I said, and then I lifted the chicken by the legs, spun the butcher knife across my fingers and over my palm, in my best Benihana style, razor sharp blade glinting in the sun. I lifted it high and then brought it down the center hard, between the legs and slicing the chicken neatly in half with a satisfying thunk that left the blade stuck about 1/2 an inch into the butcher block. I didn't get the laughs I expected, although both Annie and Marie chuckled. Oh well, I was never very good at humor, and with two quick strokes, carved the other two chickens neatly in half, so they could be grilled. I spread out the chicken halves, and realized it had gotten pretty quiet. Sue looked pale, and she abruptly dropped what she was working on and went back indoors. The group split up, only Marie and I continued working alone. "Not funny I guess," I muttered. Damn, I sucked at socializing. Marie giggled. "I thought it was," she said, pouring her homemade dressing into a decanter. "I don't know what got into them. She started it." I had patted the halves dry, and was adding salt and pepper. I liked things simple, always did. Kind of surprising that my life had gotten as complicated as it had, although I wasn't complaining. * * * Then * * * Like I said, I'd never been very social. Pretty quiet, a nerdy outsider, I'd never been popular. Not a jock, not a ladies' man, not in any clubs. In high school I was just doing my time, with no plans for the future. I was uncomfortable in large groups, but did just fine one-on-one or with a couple of friends. I wasn't anti-social, I just preferred quiet. I went to community college, and got a job at my father's business nights, doing wiring and installation for networking, fire alarms and security systems. The work was done after-hours, and that was perfectly fine by me. It paid extra, and I was left alone. After a couple of months I had to fill out some paperwork, and learned I'd be getting a security clearance to do the installation work for a large government contract. Dad already had a clearance, and apparently that made getting mine easier. It was a pretty miserable job, half my time up in ceilings and running fish-tape through walls. Dragging bundles of cables through undersized openings and spending hours labeling everything and punching down the connections. I didn't mind that much. I did my thinking, and methodically installed, tested and retested each wire, plug and fixture. Lots of paper work, pre-wiring layouts, office wiring diagrams, post-wiring documentation, performance analysis numbers. I wasn't the fastest, or the friendliest, but I was thorough, and never got a call-back to fix something for being installed half-assed. I almost always got us the follow on business, since I did what I said I'd do, when I said I'd do it, on time, on budget, with the gear I brought to the job. Who knew that just doing the project correctly was exceptional in itself? My cousin Jarrod was the one who introduced me to the opportunity that changed my life. It was pretty outlandish, moving to Antarctica, and doing a huge upgrade at a government installation on one of the most desolate locations I could think of. My clearances got me in the door, and the hardship pay made the decision easy. You don't make a lot more money than you normally would, but with food and housing paid for, you get to keep almost all of it. I know, I sound like I'm wandering here, but it's important to explain how an under-educated, not particularly intelligent, middle class, scrawny geek could end up living on the beach, in the Florida pan-handle, in a home fully paid for, with a beautiful wife, a great job, neat toys, and interesting friends. Not much to say about the job. Long hours. Long shifts. Some people drank, and there was a good bit of promiscuity, but not for me. I froze up around girls. Again, as a social misfit, I did my job, volunteered for some interesting tasks, and took advantage of the time and isolation to take college courses remotely, and continue to work on my degree. Strangely, I liked the life, made a few friends, and my bank account steadily grew. After a year, I had to leave for 60 days, part of their rules. I went home, did some more work for Dad's company, and then returned to the frozen south. Most people would give the place a try for the experience, and we'd never see them again. For me the forced solitude, isolation, and shortage of 'new' people to meet was like heaven. During winter the place was mostly evacuated, and I was depended upon as a jack-of-all-trades, which I didn't mind. With nothing to do with my spare time, I studied, worked out, and spent my off hours learning some weird stuff, from whoever was willing to teach it to me. I mean it, I had a lot of spare time, a lot, and had to do something. I got interested in magic for a while, and for the better part of a year always had a card deck and coins on me. I loved impromptu magic, doing tricks with whatever was at hand. I liked rubber band magic, and stuff with ropes and strings. Nobody had explained to me yet that magic was the kiss of death when it came to women. The ultimate badge of desperation. I was taught to play the guitar by one of the short-timers working there. Nice guy, patient. He even sold me his old Martin when he left. He swore it wouldn't survive another change in environment. When he left, I found out from a burly Hawaiian dude that a ukulele was pretty damned similar, but easier to play, and a lot more portable. I got halfway decent on that. Thanks to YouTube, I had no shortage of instructors when he moved on. My second Winter, when the free time was almost too much to deal with, even for me, I started studying martial arts. Not one of the typical ones, but escrima, from a funny little Filipino guy, of indeterminate age. Nicest guy I ever met, and he always wore a smile. He was part of the scientist contingent, my first introduction to that group, and we were together for three years. I never got any good at it, but I liked playing with the sticks. Yantok I should say, or Master Keno would thump me good. That and the balisong. I loved the demonstration stuff. Master Keno would always joke I'd be a guro in show-off before I won my first sparring match. I struck up a friendship with one of the Japanese chefs, and convinced him to teach me the cool knife things he did in the kitchen. Fun but risky. For the better part of a year it seems I always wore band-aids, even using blunted blades. Just for fun, one day, he spent a few minutes teaching me how to throw them, spin and no-spin. I was hooked, and set up a 2x4 pallet at the end of my hall, and marked off the distance for one, two and three rotations spins. I'd often throw late into the night until someone bitched about the noise. In the Winter there weren't enough people around to complain. I wore out my first two sets of blades. I'd always been dexterous, being able to spin basketballs and dining trays on my finger, flipping pens back and forth around my thumb, running coins across my knuckles. Whenever I had a spare moment I pulled out the cards and practiced lifts, false shuffles, one handed cuts, dealing seconds, and the pass, all parts of my card trick repertoire. If not the cards, I had an old Zippo lighter out doing various spins, slaps and snaps. When nobody was around, I was twirling knives, or spinning my balisong. Can't say why I always liked to have something in my hand, absentmindedly perfecting my skills, but it was a strong habit. The habit extended to making sure I always had a deck of cards on me, a Zippo lighter, a balisong butterfly knife, and a couple of custom made tactical throwing knives I used for both spinning, and practice throwing. * * * Now * * * Sitting around the deck, I had just finished putting the chicken on. Sue was showing off her one-year anniversary gift from me, a new ring that matched her engagement ring and wedding band. Neither Marie nor Annie had seen it before. The engagement was a diamond solitaire, the wedding band plain gold. The anniversary ring was an arch of diamonds that wrapped around the single larger diamond on the engagement ring. I remembered the old three ring rope trick that Diamond Dave had taught me. I reached over to the sun umbrella, whipped out my balisong, and after a few of the required flourishes, cut the restraining cord free. It looked about the right length. At the same time, I was working out the routine patter in my head, always essential to a good trick. I had their attention by now, and stretched out the rope. "Sue," I said. "Place your engagement ring on the rope." She looked confused, then smiled for the crowd, and slipped it over the end. I showed the rope to be one single, continuous piece, hiding any evidence of my deception. About a third of the way down, I tied a knot around the ring, and had Marie test it. "What are you doing, Trey?" Marie asked. "A demonstration," I teased. I held the other end of the rope out to Sue again. "Your wedding band, please?" She removed it from her finger. "You know I never like to take it off," she said softly. "You should never have to," I told her with a wink. Her hand was shaking as she put it on the rope. She loved that ring. I loved her for that. I tied another knot, this time in the middle, once again showing it around, and I had Annie test that one. Another little magician's secret: get your audience involved. As soon as she was finished, I released the slip knot and palmed the plain band. That's the secret you know. They all believe the action was still to come, but the hard part had already happened, when they least expected it. When their eyes were burning my hands later, it would be too late. "The anniversary ring," I asked Sue. "Where's this going, Trey?" she asked. I realized that after a year together, I'd never performed any of my magic tricks for her. That whole dating 'kiss-of-death' thing. No wonder she was confused. "Patience, beautiful." She slipped the third ring onto the rope. I made a big deal of tying it on, then leaned across the table, to the guys. "Go ahead, test it," I said. While I held the rope out to them, I was already loading the band I'd removed earlier under the napkin in front of them. My body covered the action beautifully. And now everyone had been part of the trick. Diamond Dave would have been proud. Leaning back into my seat, I started the patter. "Sue, I hope you know what those rings mean to me." I held up the engagement ring, the large solitaire prominent, still tied to the left side of the rope. "A promise," I said, showing it around. I surreptitiously spun the ring around, exposing the back side. A simple, plain half circle. I displayed it, letting them believe it was the wedding band. Much of the rope was hidden in my hand, two equal length ends hanging in parallel, providing the illusion I was holding the middle of the rope. Such a simple elegant trick. "A commitment, our love for each other, and only each other." She nodded, a little confusion still showing on her features. I waved around the newest ring, the anniversary ring, stones glittering in the sun. I was proud. The trick was already over, and nobody knew it. It worked perfectly. Countless hours of practice paid off. The end of the rope hung free, showing that this knot was on the opposite side of the engagement ring. Subtle gesture, part of the beauty of this particular routine. "A future." I said softly, mysteriously. I gathered up the center of the rope in my fist, including the rings. I gave one end to Marie. "Marie, you were there the day Sue and I first dated. I looked at the love you had for Mark, and thought how wonderful it would be one day to have something similar. Would you do me the kindness to hold this, the symbol of our beginning, that first promise?" She grinned. "I never knew you to be so dramatic, Trey," she said. She held the end, looking around the table. I gave the other end to Sue, on the opposite side of the table, still clutching the middle, hiding the rings and knots. "Sue, I can depend on nobody but you for this. Will you hold this symbol of our future? Guard it?" "Of course, honey." I looked at the women. "Get a good grip. Firm. Don't let go no matter what. You hold my past, present and future in your hands." My hand held the middle, but my other hand slid beneath the table and took a half-dollar out of my pocket. "Marie, you're guarding the past. Sue, you're protecting the future. But who's watching the present? If I were to turn my head, for even a second, what would happen?" I had them on the edges of their seats. Damn this was fun. "I'm going to lower my eyes for one moment. I want you each to pull the ends of your ropes when I do." I lowered my head, one hand still extended, providing the necessary cover. "Pull." When they did, I lowered my head over my other hand, and dropped the coin on the glass surface. You could hear the distinctive sound of metal on glass, and they all gasped. I palmed the coin and looked up. The rope was extended, a ring near each of the women, but the center was a single unbroken line. "Trey!" Sue called out, her eyes searching the table surface. "Never fear, my love. I may have looked the other away, but I never, ever lost track." I reached for the engagement ring, and with a rub of my finger I released the false knot, and the ring dropped into my hand. I showed it around, and passed it to my wife. I took her hand and slipped the ring back onto her finger. "My promise is intact." I put my hand over the ring in front of her, and released it as well. I displayed the anniversary ring, and put it on Sue's finger. "Our future. I'll always trust you to guard it." I gave them time to take in the rope. Two empty knots. When the tension was perfect, I took it from them. I looked around the table. "Damn it. Past and future taken care of, what the hell happened to the now, the commitment?" I tried to make it funny, and I did get a hint of a chuckle out of them. I looked down the table. "Guys? One of you want to do me a favor, and give me my marriage back?" They looked shocked, nervous, glancing at each other and my wife. I pointed to the napkin on the table between them. Mark lifted it, and they all saw the wedding band sitting there. Annie and Marie were laughing, clapping. It took a few second before the guys recovered, and Dale blustered his way through, sliding the ring down the table toward me. "I think you lost this," he laughed. I picked it up and inspected it. "Perfect, unbroken." I winked at Dale. "Never lost it. Trust me." I handed it to Sue, and she almost couldn't put it on her finger, it was trembling so much. I held her hand. "It was only a trick, beautiful. A little joke. We both know nothing could ever interfere with our commitment. Nothing." She nodded slowly. "I...I have to pee," she said, and got up, almost jogging into the house. Marie was inspecting the rope. "Jesus, Mystery! Where do you come up with all this shit? That was amazing!" I laughed. I'd learned that the little air of mystery I had surrounding my past was the most interesting thing about me. "Y'all aren't the only ones with secrets," I teased, giving her a wink. "Refill, guys?" I asked the husbands sitting at the far end of the table, huddled together whispering. * * * Then * * * I never dated in high-school, and didn't have any more luck on station. I was no longer a virgin, after hooking up with a girl working on one of the tankers during her 72 hours leave. I had an interesting education through two overnight stays. She was stocky, brusque, and coarse, and for 48 of those hours, I thought I was in love. During my final winter, I ended up in a decidedly bizarre relationship. One of the scientists, an older attractive married woman approached me out of the blue. "May I buy you a drink?" she asked. "I don't drink much, but I wouldn't mind having one. I insist on paying." Kind of silly, I guess. She must have earned three times what I did. That won me a grin. I ended up buying her two long-island iced teas, before she got up the courage to move forward with whatever she intended. "Trey, can you be discrete?" she asked me. "Always, Dr. Ross." She wasn't completely unknown to me, an associate of Master Keno, but we were hardly friends. "How long have you been here?" she asked. "I know you were a fixture when I arrived two years ago. Keno says you've been here longer than him." "This will be my fifth winter." "Five? How do you stand it? The winters I mean. Summer's not so bad." "I like it. I have my hobbies. I'm happy with myself I guess, don't need a lot of entertainment." She was playing with her hair, almost like a nervous teen. She scooted her chair around closer to me. "Last winter I almost went crazy. The lab was like one big ridiculous orgy. I...I can't do that. I'm married. Happily married, I like to think." "Married? I've never seen your husband." "He has a teaching position. The opportunity here was too good for me to pass up." "Lonely?" "Desperately. Could you do something for me? I know it's going to sound weird..." It was. Katy Ross became my Pillow Princess. Forty seven years old, and so far above my station it was ridiculous. Elegant, attractive and brilliant, she fascinated me. She invited me to spend my nights with her. I serviced her orally, every night. She never reciprocated. The best she'd allow was for me to play with myself while touching her. Five long months, I pleasured her. In exchange she mentored me, got me the choicest lab assignments, and made me part of the 'in' group. Mr E and the Guilty Conscience I'm sure many would think me a wimp. Perhaps I am. I enjoyed it, the access to her body, wrenching the orgasms from her shuddering flesh, pampering her, cuddling with her. I was shocked when I was included on calls with her husband, and he thanked me for taking care of her, and being a gentleman about it. Mingling with the station royalty, the people the other hundreds of us were there for, was exciting. She cried when I told her it was going to be my last duty. Every year we were required to leave for a short period. I confessed to her that I wouldn't be returning from the next. I got a call from her husband. Strange. He thanked me profusely for helping them both. Swore if they could ever be of aid to me, to give them a call. He told me that his wife had a going-away gift for me, from both of them. Forty-eight hours of bliss. All the fantasies I'd had of her, she fulfilled and more. She didn't cry once until the last time we showered together, I washed her hair, blow dried and styled it. She was a logical person, rarely emotional. Not that night. The tears running down her patrician face were heart rending. I'll never forget Dr. Katy Ross. I'd pampered her for the last time, and she took me by the hand and led me to the largest conference hall. I was in shock after walking in. Must have been a hundred people there to say goodbye. Nearly the entire Winter staff. The biggest party I'd ever seen during my stay. I learned that only six people had been around longer than me. I guess I'd made more friends in my time there than I had realized. Good people, all. I was going to miss them. After five year-long tours, I was well-paid, experienced, educated, and had a substantial bank account that was growing through some reasonable investments guided by one of the local scientists. I was a changed man, both physically and mentally. I still considered myself a loner, although I appreciated my friendships. I'd had my fill of solitude, and wanted to re-enter society. My time with Dr. Ross had changed me. I'd filled out, and picked up a few mementos from my trip, including several scars on my hands and arms from playing with knives, an ugly burn scar on my calf from not paying attention in the kitchen once, and a nasty three inch one on my temple, almost hidden by my hairline, thanks to a spill off a ladder. I thought it gave me character. I needed something, I was pretty middle-of-the-road other than that. Katy and her friends came through for me, and I lined up a contracting job at Hurlburt Field in Ft. Walton Beach. I had my MBA and a Bachelors in Computer Science, with several Cisco certifications under my belt. A fist full of written recommendations from some of the best known names within their fields. A list of references that would make a pro-athlete blush. One of Master Keno's friends had setup my company, and all the side-work I did for the scientists was charged to my sideline. It gave me a work history and padded my accounts, more than I would ever have expected. Katy and Master Keno never even told me about it. I signed the papers they told me to, and let them take care of me. It seemed the right thing, with all the network wiring background I had, to get into IT. I was pleasantly surprised it paid as well as it did. I guess I could thank my Station friends for that. Twenty-six years old, I had 8 years of networking experience (or so I claimed, since wiring was a part of networking, technically), an advanced degree, an $85/hr job that I didn't mind putting in all the over-time asked for, and zero social life. I missed my friends. Then Sue stepped into my life. "So, Mystery, you coming to the 4th of July cookout at the yacht club?" Mystery? Was she talking to me? The pretty little brunette had cornered me, and seemed to get a good bit of enjoyment out of teasing me. I was lousy at speaking to girls, especially one as pretty as her. Once I knew them it wasn't so bad, but strangers? Scared the shit out of me. "No," I mumbled, looking for an escape route. She grabbed my arm, laughing. "No you don't. You don't escape that easy. You have to come." I looked at her in surprise. "Have to?" She nodded. "I already told the girls you were my date. You don't want to make a liar out of me do you?" I had a nervous habit of playing with my stuff when stressed, and I found myself with a Liberty quarter in my fingers, palming it, rolling it across my fingers, and doing similar stuff automatically. It calmed me. "Date?" I asked. "C'mon. I know you must date. You can't keep your secrets forever. We're going, and that's that." She put a piece of paper in my hand. "Pick me up at noon. Don't be late. By the way, we're bringing my famous German potato salad, so no motorcycle. Pick me up in that gorgeous 'Vette of yours." Yes, I had a Corvette. A '69 big block convertible stingray, triple black. My first car. One of the pilots was moving overseas and I got it for a song, only $24K, less than I'd pay for most new cars. I also had a '72 Moto Guzzi 850GT which I fell in love with at first sight. A cool $4k and it was mine. Nice thing about being near several large military bases. Great used vehicles always seemed to be for sale. I figured I had the better part of 5 years salary saved up, which I'd nearly doubled with reasonable investments and my side jobs. I was earning good money. I deserved a couple of toys. I rarely drove either, they were both collectibles, so most of the miles went on my 11 year old F-150 pickup. Three great vehicles, for less than the price of one new tricked out extended cab truck. Dad didn't raise no fool. Well, not much of one. * * * Now * * * I was stuck with grilling duty, while the others eventually returned to the backyard. Our house was the preferred gathering place, specifically for the yard. We were right on the bay, with a nice 100 feet or so of landscaped Bermuda between the house and the water. We had a dock, where my little Triton with twin Yamaha 300s was tied up. A few large Sweetgum trees provided shade in the summer. The nearest tree trunk was 40 feet from the deck where I did the grilling. I know that for certain. To the inch. When I was grilling for myself, I practiced my longest throws from there, into a large flat slab of tree trunk I'd hung from the tree. A perfect 5 turn throw, the longest I practiced regularly. "Chicken's done," I told Sue, where she was chatting with the other girls, sipping Margarita's on the porch. She seemed to have gotten over my little trick. I thought she'd enjoy it more. I never got these things right. The men had taken a walk down to the dock, and had stopped to talk under the tree on the way back. Dale and Mark were playing with the cheap throwing knives I'd left in the target. Kind of funny to watch. Half-a-dozen throws from about 10 feet, and not one stuck. It was the perfect distance for a simple one turn throw, or even a no-spin. "I'll go down and get them," Sue said, getting up and walking to the steps. "Don't bother, I'll get their attention," I told her. She gave me a frown. "No need to yell, I'll only be a second." "I won't. Go ahead and finish your drink." I pulled out my favorite thrower, and after determining they were a good 5' out of my line of fire, I leaned back and gave it a good hard throw. Lucky shot, it landed just a hair off center. I practiced enough that I always hit the target, getting it to stick was maybe a 90% chance. A bull's-eye was at best one in 10. It hit with a solid thunk, and their heads spun as if on a swivel, both of them stepping back. I heard their wives laugh. I lifted up a half chicken on one of my knives. "Dinner's on," I called out. Marie came over with the tray, and I started piling the chicken on it. "Where'd you learn to throw like that?" she asked. "Overseas. Something to pass the time," I explained. She grinned. "Are we ever going to find out what you did over there?" "You know the drill," I teased. Even after almost a year, she still asked at least once every time we saw each other. "I know, I know. You'd love to tell me, but you'd have to kill me." "Break my heart to kill a girl as pretty as you," I told her with a wink. * * * Then * * * No way out of it. I detailed the 'Vette, and put protective tarps in the minuscule trunk. The original seats were still in storage, and I had the reupholstered cloth seats installed, so I wasn't too worried if we had wet bathing suits. I wore surfing shorts and a garish Hawaiian shirt, a going away gift from 'A'amakualenalena, my uke instructor. At 11:55 I was parked outside the address of the apartment Sue had given me. She walked out with a large foil tray in her hands just about the time I was going to head up to the door. I opened the trunk and helped her put the potato salad down, turned around and found myself in her arms. She gave me a quick kiss. "There, that's out of the way. You won't be too nervous giving me a good-night kiss when you drop me off. First date, you know, so a kiss is all you're getting, but I can promise you it'll be a good one." She gave me a wink, and climbed into the passenger seat. I was stunned. I had no idea how to handle someone like Sue. I closed the trunk, and got in the car. "How old are you?" she asked, as I started up the big 427. "Twenty-six." "Really? How do you have such cool toys?" "Careful with my money." "You have a lot don't you?" I wasn't real comfortable with the direction of the conversation. "Enough." She leaned back, shaking her hair out. "I bet." The Gods had blessed us with a beautiful day, and I had to admit, I enjoyed the feeling of driving the 'Shark' through the streets, top down, with a gorgeous girl sitting beside me. We turned a lot of heads. "Damn, I look good in this car," Sue laughed. "I should be pissed at you for making me wait this long for a ride." "Sorry," I said, with no idea what kind of response that required. "No problem, handsome. I'll let you make it up to me." She turned in the seat. "I'm a one man girl, mister. So when all those other sluts start trying to dig their claws in, you remember, you came with me, and you're going home with me. Got it?" "Other sluts?" She blushed. "You know exactly what I mean. I know how you guys operate. Not with me, understand? No playing around on the side. I won't put up with it." "No playing around?" Every time she opened her mouth, it left me in a deeper quandary. "None. Of course you're going to flirt and shit. I can hardly stop that, now that you're out in public. But that's all. You so much as grope one girl, and that'll be the last time you see any of this," she said, opening her bathing cover, and showing me her exquisite bikini clad body. She giggled. "Eyes on the road, Mystery. Let's get there in one piece. We have an understanding, right?" "Right." I guess. I think. She was a lamprey. We got to the outdoor party, about 30 people from the building were there with friends and spouses. From the moment I dropped off her potato salad, she was clinging to my arm, and parading me around like some visiting celebrity. I only knew maybe half-a-dozen of them by name, but was quickly introduced to everyone. Someone stuck a beer in my hand, and when it was empty, it was replaced. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I met the 'girls' and Sue took over. "We had options, of course, but hey, how fun would it really be without y'all?" she was explaining. "Options?" I asked, still thoroughly confused. She pulled my head down, and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Don't be that way," she pouted. "Next time we'll hang with your crowd. You know I already told them we'd be coming." "Next time?" "Yes. I promise. I'll make it up to you." She was mugging for her friends and they giggled. "Spill, Mystery. What did you really do overseas? And no more of that BS about being on a chunk of ice in the Antarctic," the giggly red-head asked. Sue jumped in. "Spec Ops, Erin. You know better." Shit. I worked in the Special Operations building. They must think I'm part of that crowd. Truth is, I had no idea what those guys did, although working on their computer systems, I guess I had the clearances to find out if I wanted. I really had never thought about it. I guess it was a lot like the scientists. I did my job, they did theirs. Working with the JSOU, we always had Green Berets, SEALs and other Special Operations Force guys coming in for training. I dealt with a lot of the teleconferencing and training infrastructure. That must be part of the confusion. "How'd you get that scar?" the tall blonde asked, stepping forward and running her finger across my forehead. I felt Sue's grip on my arm tightening. "Fell down," I explained. I didn't want to go into the details of wearing the wrong boots for climbing an icy ladder. The girls giggled. "Sure. Fell down. I wonder how many guys died for you to walk away from that 'fall'." Marie, a diminutive brunette asked. The blonde had moved even closer. I could smell her coconut tanning lotion. She ran her hand over my arm, fingering one of the uglier scars I'd earned spinning knives for fun. Warning to anyone smart enough to listen: Don't use sharp kitchen butcher blades while trying anything new. Forty six stitches. "I bet there's a hell of story behind this," she said sultrily, looking up into my eyes from about a foot away. "Don't play with sharp knives," I said. Earning more giggles from the peanut gallery. "Heather..." Sue said, her voice tense. The blonde wasn't backing off, and I swear Sue was cutting off the circulation to my left arm. "I bet you're good with a knife," Heather said. Truth was, I wasn't bad. I pulled out my balisong, and started in with some basic twirls, then a zen rollover into a cherry-picker finishing with a trebuchet. "I'm Ok. Master Keno always gave me grief for putting style over substance." The girls had all stepped back a few steps, including the blonde. They were staring at me like I'd grown a third eye. "What?" "Do you always carry knives? Even on the beach?" Erin asked. "Pretty much," I said. Sue stepped in. "Geez, Erin! You expect a guy like Mystery to ever be unarmed?" Erin shook her head. "I...I guess not." Sue gave my arm a tug. "Gotta mingle," she told her friends. She dragged me down by the water, then turned and practically leaped on me, pulling my head down and planting a big kiss on me. "Jesus, that was hot! If I was wearing panties, they'd be soaked." I liked the kiss. I'm not going to deny it. I leaned down and gave her another one, since she didn't seem to mind. She pulled away after a few seconds. "Enough, Mystery, or I'm going to seriously embarrass myself here." "Why do you call me Mystery?" I asked. She looked surprised. "Isn't that your Operations name? I asked Margie who you were, and that's what she said." Margie. No wonder. She calls everyone Mister. She has a problem with my last name, Eulalia. Too many vowels, she says. I wonder what she'd think of my buddy 'A'ama? She calls me Mr. E. for short. Mister E. "Call me Trey, ok?" She smiled. "Like in 3? 003?" Damn she was weird. "Yes, as in three." "Wow. That's so cool! What do you want to do, now that we've done the introductions?" "I wouldn't mind eating," I told her. "I bet. Keep the strength up. C'mon, I'm sure we can get you fed." Not many people were eating yet, but she set me down at the table, and returned with a plate for me. "You gotta tell me what you think of my potato salad," she said proudly. At least a third of the plate was covered with her specialty. She returned with a plate for herself a couple of minutes later, and the table started filling up. Her girls quickly found their way over, and Marie dropped a plain brown bottle in front of me. "My husband brews our own beer. He wanted you to have one." I looked up and she pointed to one of the guys over by the cooler. I lifted the beer to him in a silent toast. Three of the guys all lifted their bottle to me, in almost perfect sync. "You mind talking to him a little later?" Marie asked nervously. "He's only in B building." "Sure. If you want." She gave me a huge grin, leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "God, you're the greatest," she said softly. Because I'd drink her beer, and talk to her husband? I was starting to think this crowd was too weird for me. Sue's potato salad was damned good. I told her so. "You're not just saying that?" she asked. "No. I don't do that. If it sucked, I'd tell you. It's good." The grin on her face was in danger of tearing the corners of her mouth. "I should have known better. You don't have to put on much of a façade, do you?" I laughed. "I'm a simple guy, Sue. God's truth." She reached over with her fork and snagged a slice of kielbasa off my plate. "I see you like living dangerously," I teased. I was kind of proud of myself. I was feeling a lot more comfortable around her, and even her friends. Even if they were weird. Her hand stopped. "I'm sorry. I'll get you more," she said. Damn. My humor always seemed to go over like a lead balloon. "I was just kidding. You can help yourself to my sausage anytime." I heard the giggles from the opposite side of the table, and saw Sue blush. I wasn't sure that was possible. I only then realized what I had said. "Oh God, he blushes," Erin whispered, and I'm sure I turned even redder. After eating, Sue left me with the guys, including Marie's husband. "Mark," he said, extending his hand. "Trey," I answered, shaking his. "Thanks for the beer." "Let me know if you'd like another one. I brought a few." I looked down in the cooler at his feet. There were maybe four left, with several empty bottles next to them. "One is plenty. Wouldn't be right to hog 'em all." He reached down and grabbed one. "No seriously. Please, someone's gotta drink 'em, right?" I accepted it, although I would have preferred a Guinness. "Thanks." Mark grinned, and introduced me around. The guys seemed a good bit more normal, talking about regular stuff, and not asking me any weird questions. At least not many. Dale, the taller dirty blonde guy, was looking over at the women. "Sue, huh? Lucky bastard. How do our girls compare to your, uh, last station?" "Prettier, younger, and not nearly so serious," I freely admitted. Most of those scientist women had senses of humor no better than mine. The girls at that party giggled more than I'd heard in a year on ice. All the guys laughed. "Yeah, I imagine so," Mark said. "Pretty laid back here compared to, uh, over there, I imagine." "Lot more blondes and red-heads," I added. Guy talk. "No shit. Gotta love the good ol' US of A." Neil, the third guy said, raising his bottle. I noticed he was drinking a Bud. "I'll drink to that," I said, lifting my bottle. The guys looked at each other, and they all lifted their beers, and touched mine. "Respect," Mark said quietly. They seemed like nice guys. I took a drink from my bottle, and remembered Dad's favorite toast. "May you have the hindsight to know where you've been the foresight to know where you're going and the insight to know when you're going too far." Mark looked at me nervously. "No offense, Mystery." Offense? I laughed. "Course not. To new friends, then," I said backtracking. "Please, call me Trey." God, I always seemed to say the wrong thing. He nodded quickly. "New friends. Thanks, Trey." * * * Now * * * We ate around our outdoor table, and my failed joke with the throwing knife seemed to be forgotten. We were all laughing at Dale's stories. Damn, I wish I could be half as entertaining. Then again, I hadn't done a tenth of the stuff he had. As was my way, I kept pretty closed mouthed, and just listened. Mr E and the Guilty Conscience The drinks were flowing, and nobody was feeling much pain. Sue was obviously buzzed, in her party, flirting mood. I liked that. It almost always meant hot sex. I loved that. She was amazing. "You ever sorry you gave up the old life?" Mark asked. "Rarely," I told him. "You know most of the guys didn't last more than a year. I had a five year run. Only six guys stuck it out longer. More than enough for any man." "Five years," Dale said. "Damn! So the humdrum beach life suits you now?" "Perfectly. Sun, sand, good friends, and the best woman a man could ask for," I told him. Sue grinned. "Best woman? Where is she? I'll tear her eyes out." "Silly girl. You're the only woman for me. You remember that first barbecue? Picking you up for the first time?" "Of course. Best. Day. Ever." "No playing around on the side. You warned me then. You'll never have to worry about me. I'm a one woman man, just like you're a one man woman." I was a little surprised when she dropped her glass. She apologized, and got up for a dishrag. She returned and cleaned up her mess, then came over to where I was sitting. She looked upset. "What's wrong, beautiful? It's just a little mess." She sat in my lap. "I am, you know. A one man woman. I love you. Only you. Nobody else means anything to me. You know that, right?" "Of course! You're mine, and I'm yours. Everyone knows that." I looked around the table. "Right?" They were looking at me funny. "Of course. Everyone knows that," Mark said eagerly. Dale was nodding like a bobble doll. "Only yours." I hugged her, and I could feel her trembling. "You feeling alright?" She nodded. "Only you, Trey. I swear! You gotta believe me!" "I know. Relax. Let's just enjoy ourselves Ok?" She gave me a quick kiss, then ran back indoors again. The woman had a bladder the size of a shot glass. * * * Then * * * I'll admit it. I had a better time at the 4th of July party than I thought I would. I stopped drinking after Mark's second beer, switching to soft drinks. When you drive a convertible sports car, you're a target for trouble. I wasn't about to get behind the wheel drunk. Sue noticed after a while. "No more beer?" "Can't afford it. I've already got a target the size of New Jersey on my back. Don't want to leave here drunk." She nodded. "I understand. It must be difficult." "Hardly. I like to be in control anyway." She was clinging to my arm again, and I pulled her around facing me. "Thanks for getting me to go out. I'm out of practice around crowds. I'm not making an idiot of myself, am I?" "No! Never." She grinned. "Can I consider the first date a success?" "Absolutely. I'm having a great time." She moved in for a kiss. A real toe-curler. "Want to take me out for ice-cream after?" "I'd love to." "Great. That can be our second date." I laughed. "Second date?" "I never fool around before the third," she teased. "Never?" "Not even for you, Mystery," she gave me a quick peck. "Although it's tempting as hell." She grabbed my hand. "C'mon. Time to say our goodbyes." We made the rounds, and I got more hugs than I would have expected, and lots of invitations to more activities. Sue was fielding those. She liked Baskin-Robbins World Class Chocolate, and butter pecan. I went for a simple chocolate shake, made with French vanilla and chocolate syrup. "Am I going to have to call you?" she asked. "For?" "You know. You had a good time today, didn't you?" "A great time." "You like me?" "I think you're pretty terrific, actually." "So you'll call? You won't make me do all the chasing?" "I'll call." "When?" I laughed. "We're still on our second date," I told her. "A little patience, alright? This is all pretty new to me." "You're not going to call Diane or Erin, are you? I saw Diane put her number in your pocket. Don't try to pretend she didn't. Why didn't you just tell her no? Aren't I good enough? Three dates isn't too long is it?" She looked sincerely upset. "I'm not going to call Diane or Erin," I told her. "Or any of those others ones either! Marie's married. She was only flirting. Don't...don't mess up her marriage, Trey. Mark's a nice guy. He even gave you two of his beers, he never does that. You don't do that, do you? Break up marriages for fun?" "Nobody but you, Sue. I'm not going to call anyone but you." "Promise?" "I promise. I'm a one woman man, just like you're a one man woman." "Am I that woman, Trey?" God, she was a fast mover. I'd never met anyone like her. I looked her over. She was beautiful, easily the best looking woman out there today. Filled out her bikini fabulously. Easy to talk to. Maybe a little nutty, but nothing horrible. What the hell did she see in a nobody like me? I saw her squirming under my gaze. "I...I'll treat you well, Trey. I swear. You'll never regret it. Better than any of them." "Am I your man?" I asked. "Yes! If you'll have me." "Then I guess you're my woman. It wouldn't work out very well otherwise, would it?" She laughed, and grabbed my hands. "Take me home, Trey?" "Sure." At the door, she gave me that kiss she promised. Best kiss I ever had, but that wasn't saying all that much. Still, I couldn't imagine they get much better. I was achingly hard when we separated. "I had a great first two dates, Trey. Thank you." She gave me another quick kiss, then left me. I walked back to my car, and before I hit the end of the block, I dialed her number. "Hello?" she answered after three rings. "Hi Sue. It's me. I had a great time today." "Did you forget something? Is something wrong?" "No. I promised I'd call. What are you doing next Friday?" She was quiet for a few seconds. "Could you come back for a minute?" "Sure, I'm only a few blocks away." "Great. I'll meet you downstairs." I drove around the block, and dealt with the local traffic for the few minutes it took me to return. She ran over and hopped in my car. "Take me for a ride." "Where?" "Anywhere, just drive Ok?" Definitely wacky. I drove down to the water. It was getting dark, and the fireworks were just starting. "Can we watch the fireworks for a while?" she asked. "Of course. You want to go down and walk the beach?" "I'd like that. You don't mind?" "Not at all." We spent a good hour watching all the private fireworks that people were setting off, bracketed by the city fireworks at each end of the beach. We walked hand-in-hand, not talking about much except about the different pyrotechnic displays. I let her set the pace and direction, and they were still going on when we got back to the car. "Take me home?" I laughed, opening her door. "Your chariot awaits, milady." I walked her to the door, and got another kiss. "Thank you for my third date," she said, smiling shyly. "Would I be brazen if I invited you in for coffee?" "No. I think that would be quite kind." That girl from the tanker? Someday I'll have to hunt her down and thank her. She was quite the pushy one, and had no qualms directing me on how she liked to be pleased. We spent two full days together, most of it in bed. I imagine I was able to sustain an erection for a few hours of that time, but the rest was her training me. I owed Dr. Katy Ross as well. She made sure there was one thing I could do, very well. Very, very well, if her moans, cries and screams were any indication. Their training turned out to be quite successful. Sue didn't mind fooling around after three dates. Even when all three were in a period of about 10 hours. She was crying, begging me to fuck her, after about an hour spent between her legs. I'd given her half-a-dozen orgasms, before I entered her. "Fuck me, Trey! God, I need you to fuck me!" she begged. I did my best, and it seemed to be good enough. I only lasted a few minutes the first time, but she had no qualms using her talented mouth to get me hard again. That second erection was good for half-a-dozen positions, and I learned something quite useful. I have a hard time coming when she's riding me. Don't ask me why, but it's a fact. She was a shaking mess when she finally rolled off of me, and I climbed back between her legs. "Take me, baby," she panted, pulling me close. I let her draw me down, and nibbled on her soft neck, letting my hips take over down below. "Oh, fuck," she groaned. "I...I can't believe it. You're going to make me come again," she gasped. "Come for me, beautiful," I whispered, driving into her hard and fast. "A...g..g..gain!" she whined, thrusting back hard. Her arms were wrapped around my body, holding me tight. She whimpered sweetly, then came hard. Less than a minute later, I was filling my second condom. I started to pull away, but she wouldn't let go. "No, baby. Don't move, not yet. Don't let me go." I hugged her tightly. "I'll never let you go, Sue." She sighed. "Holy shit, Mystery! I've never come like that, or been left this drained. Did they train you in that too?" I kissed her softly. "Two instructors. Five long months. Still you taught me something tonight." "Really? You liked it? You're not just saying it, right? I... I don't have a lot of experience, not professional. Only eight other lovers. I don't bore you, do I? You'll let me know if I do anything wrong. You can train me." "I like you just the way you are. Ready to go again?" She looked down to where I was already hard for her. "God! I should have known what I was getting into. Like everything about you. Dangerous, another weapon. You've never actually killed anyone with that monster, have you?" I remembered the final night with Katy, the only time we had sex. Her coming so hard for me until she passed out. Le petite mort. The little death. "Only once," I teased. "Just a little death." She looked scared. "You wouldn't, I mean, not me. Would you?" As many times as I could, I thought. I parted her legs and moved between them. "Only if you deserve it." An hour later she was trembling. She'd earned at least half-a-dozen. "God, that's intense. Knowing what you could do, if you wanted. Was that good for you too? I can do better." "You were wonderful. The best." "The best? You think so? I... I'm just an amateur!" "The best for me. Now. Exactly what I needed." She smiled, climbing onto my chest, kissing my neck. "If you need it again, I hope you remember who to come too. I can be what you need, if you'll give me a chance." "The chance is yours," I whispered, wondering if I had one more in me. We've been together ever since. Engaged within three months. Married in less than a year. We spent almost four months looking for the perfect home, and when we found the foreclosure, I knew it was the one. It needed some work, but that never scared me. Sue almost had a cow, when I paid for the house in cash. "How can you afford something like this?" she asked. "I told you, I'm careful with my money." It was going to take three quarters of my savings, but it was worth it. I liked the idea of knowing the place was mine, and I'd never have to worry about having some place to live, ever again. The house was ideal, not overly large, but with a big two car garage, and a carport that could hold two more. Waterfront, bayside, with a nice deck. Quiet neighborhood. All a guy could ask for. We had a great life. Together, we earned almost 200K a year, with almost no expenses. That first year we put close to 60 grand into savings. Marie and Mark lived only about a mile away. They became our closest friends. We had many. I should say Sue had many, but they were always nice to me. We were in love, and I couldn't imagine my life without her. * * * Now * * * Dusk was approaching, and I was sitting on the end of the dock, alone. I was hopeless as a host. Everything I did turned out wrong. I tried to fit in, joke, act like everyone else. I always screwed it up. I wonder how many friends I'd have if not for Sue. Marie came down and sat next to me, quiet, sipping a wine cooler. "You know something, don't you?" Know? What? Hell, I didn't know anything. Not even how to host a party. I didn't answer. She looked back over her shoulder, and I followed her gaze. My wife and the two husbands seemed to be arguing. "She loves you, you know. It's not too late." "Too late?" She looked at me, and I saw her eyes were moist. "Don't Trey. Please. You've done enough. It's stopped. I'm certain it never really went anywhere. They were stupid, but you have to forgive them." "Forgive them?" I asked her, wondering what the hell there was to forgive. If anything, I should be asking their forgiveness, screwing up another party. "Please? For me? You're a better man than this. You have to stop torturing them. You've made your point." She grabbed my hand, clutching it tightly. "I love him. He's an idiot, but he's my idiot, and I don't know what I'd do without him." "Lot of idiots around," I muttered. Count me among them. "I know. I'm so sorry. I suspected, but you, you knew. It was obvious. God, how stupid could they be!" she snapped. "Everyone knows you're the last person in the world to screw around with." I sighed. Right. "Everyone knows," I laughed. She grabbed my face, and looked into my eyes. "No. Nobody does. It's our secret. You stopped it. Now you have to let it go. Please, I'm begging you, Trey. Let it slide this one time. For me. For all of us. She's learned her lesson, they all have. They screw up again, I'll help you bury the bodies. Please? Can it end?" Hell if I could figure out what the hell she was all worked up about. I hated to see her like that. I hated to see any woman upset. It was a weakness of mine. "Sure. For you, Marie," I told her. She burst into tears, hugging me, her arms like steel bands. I tried to calm her, stroking her hair. "I'm sorry," I said. Dad had taught me that much. With any crying woman, 90% of the time 'sorry' was a great start. She pulled away, and I felt her lips press against mine, briefly. "God, we don't deserve you. None of us. Don't ever apologize to me, Mystery." I chuckled. "I don't deserve you." She tried to smile, but I saw the corners of her mouth twitching. "Don't cry, beautiful. It breaks my heart." She looked back at the rest of the party, and I saw that we were being watched. "Time to go back, I think. Don't need any tongues wagging," I said. She laughed, and took my hand when I offered to help her up. "It's over?" "Yeah," I said. It was getting late. Still had a lot of cleaning up to do. "Thank you. I...I'll make it up to you someday. I swear." "Fine, next time you bring those crab cakes of yours." She laughed, and it sounded almost hysterical. "I've got an idiot to take home and straighten out. Don't be too hard on Sue. She really does love you." "I love her." "I know. Everyone knows. Otherwise, I imagine our parties would be half the size in the future, wouldn't they?" Hell, if I didn't have Sue, there would be no parties. I said as much. She let go of my hand as we approached the deck. I hadn't even realized she was holding it. Marie walked up to her husband, and slapped him. Hard. He didn't say anything, just lowered his head. "You got a fuckin' reprieve, you asshole. All three of you. There better be no next time, or I'll be the one pulling the God-damn trigger! You understand?" she shrieked. I saw his face turn red, and he nodded slowly. She kicked him in the leg. "God damn it! Fucking man-up and apologize, you piece of shit!" "I'm sorry, baby. It's not what you think," he whispered. "Not to me you idiot!" she screamed. She was scaring me, I'd never seen her like that. I was glad I was married to Sue, she never went off like that. I looked over at my wife, and she bowed her head. She got up and walked over to me, clinging to my arm like that first date. She lowered her head and pressed it against me. Mark spoke up. "I...I'm sorry, Trey. I swear, it never went anywhere." He looked down at Sue. "You too, Sue. I never meant..." "Just leave," she said softly. "Please." He nodded, and turned away. Marie walked over and gave me a hug. "Thank you." She grabbed Sue's chin, and lifted her face. "You and me. We'll talk later. You should thank your ever-loving lucky stars, you know." Sue nodded. "I know." Annie appeared as confused as me. Dale? Well he looked like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Marie stared at him. "What the fuck are you waiting for, dipshit? An engraved invitation?" He shook his head nervously, and approached us slowly. He moved like his feet were made of lead. Dale was a tall guy, good 6'3", towering over my 5'9". He stopped a couple of feet away. "Sorry, man. It was stupid, we know. Nothing happened, it was just talk that got carried away. If...if you can let this go, I swear to God, you'll never have to worry about anything like it again. I swear." He was shaking. "Please, man. Whatever you need to do, I understand. But I got a wife and kids. They didn't do nothing." I looked over at Annie. Damn near as good-looking as Sue. I tried to make light of the awkward situation. "Gorgeous wife," I said, giving Annie a wink. "God, don't you think I know it? I must have been fucking insane, to get involved." He was babbling, and I let him chatter, until he stopped, staring at me. "Is that the cost? My Annie?" I felt Sue's hands gripping into my arm. "How about next time, I provide the meat, and Annie provides dessert?" He glanced back and forth between his wife and me. "My A-a-annie's dessert?" he whined. He was acting weird. "Yeah. Make sure she brings over that amazing marble cake of hers. We'll call it even." At least. Best cake I ever ate. The girl was a genius when it came to baking. Dale's eyes opened wide. I stepped back involuntarily, when he dropped to his knees, holding his face in his hands. "You're not fucking with me, are you, Mystery? Please, please tell me, you're not. It's over?" "Yeah, getting late," I said, feeling distinctly awkward. He looked up, and I saw tears on his face. I turned away so he wouldn't have to suffer the embarrassment. "Sorry, Sue. So, so, damn sorry," he mumbled, standing. I looked back, and Annie was standing beside him. "C'mon," she said. "You're going to have to explain to me what the fuck is going on." She came over and gave me a hug. That's one of the things I really liked about Annie. Always got a nice hug, both arriving and leaving. "You always have the most interesting parties, Trey," she said, kissing my cheek. She gave Sue a hug. "Give me a call?" Sue nodded. As they left, Sue turned and hugged me. "God, I don't deserve you. Forgive me for being a fucking moron?" "If you'll forgive me for messing up another party," I said, holding her. She looked up at me. "Only you, Trey. I swear. I've been with nobody but you since we met, and I'll never even look at another man. You have to believe me. They never really stood a chance." I lifted her and gave her a bear hug. "Of course I believe you. I love you, silly girl." She grinned, and kissed me. "You know, I'm going to fuck your brains out tonight. Tonight, tomorrow, and every single day for the rest of our lives." "Leave a little brains, Ok? I don't have that much to spare." She laughed, squirming out of my arms, and tugging down my shorts, right there on the porch, in the fading light of day. "Alright. Just a little. You ready for me, Mystery Man?" "Always. I can't imagine my life without you." She stopped, looking up at me nervously. "I swear, I'll never give you cause to worry about that again." As her mouth engulfed my cock, I reached down and brushed her hair back to see her beautiful face. Damn, she was good at that. Mr E and the Guilty Conscience A loving wife, great friends, an excellent job. I had it pretty damn good. Even if I had the social graces of a rhino. My wife loved me, and only me, and nothing else mattered. As many have said before me, and more will in the future, life was good. ============================ Don't know where the idea for this once came from. Kind of weird, I know. Still I like the main character, and have some ideas for follow up stories if it merits it. This is a contest entry. I'd appreciate a vote if you enjoyed it. Only one, if it's not too much trouble.