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Love Wasn't Enough For Her

By: Slirpuff



Webster's definition of divorce is as follows: A judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, from all matrimonial obligations.

Quite a mouthful, isn't it? But just looking at the printed words on that page they mean little or nothing to me right now. They are just words, and they don't have a clue as to how I'm feeling. I'm not saying the definition is wrong, more so just stating the fact that my marriage represented more to me than what is written on that damn page. It was my life for Christ's sakes, well it use to be.

I don't care if you've been married ten days or ten years, divorce takes a lot out of you no matter if you're the divorcer or the divorcee. I was born and raised Catholic and the first time I ever even heard the word divorce was in a country song by Tammy Wynette. She started out spelling the word and went on from there. 

"Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today," Tammy sang in the first line of her song, but it said it all for me. Mine isn't there yet, but it is headed in that direction. Just so you can understand where I'm coming from, I didn't start it and only found out about it when I got served at work. A quick call to my wife's cell and all I was told was to read the paperwork. I didn't want to read the damn paperwork, I wanted to hear from her lips why she was doing this, but she disconnected before I got my answer.

All right, so maybe we didn't have the fairy tale marriage but I didn't think it was all that bad, it just took a little extra work at times, but doesn't every marriage? Money was always an issue with us especially after our son Danny was born. Becky went from a carefree college life style to that of a new mother working a couple of hours a day, and that only happened when Danny got old enough to be left with a baby sitter. 

You see, Becky didn't want to have kids, at least not until we were married and settled in our jobs for at least a couple of years. Right now she loved to go to parties, concerts, and most of all clothes shop. All in all, living at home, going to school, and having a boyfriend who she loved to death, she thought she had it all, and maybe she did. We, or should I say she, had it all planned out. We were supposed to finish school, get married, and travel the globe on our vacations the first couple of years. Only then were we going to think about buying a house and settling down with one-maybe two kids but I kind of screwed up those plans.

We were out on a date and things were progressing nicely, in my book anyway. I wanted to have sex but she didn't that night. I guess I pushed the issue and talked her into it. I grabbed a blanket out of the trunk of my car and under the stars we started to make love and yes it was love making. God, I loved her. My one big mistake that evening was leaving my condoms in the glove compartment of my car. I knew I should have run back and gotten one but instead of stopping and going back to the car, I decided to pull out at the last minute. I guess I wasn't quick enough. Two months later a pissed off Becky was lambasting me for not being more careful. She couldn't take birth control pills, because they made her physically ill, so birth control had been my responsibility.

"Jesus Christ, now what the hell are we going to do? My parents are going to shit and even though my dad likes you, he's going to be royally pissed at you for getting his daughter pregnant," she said in tears.

"Hon, we'll just get married a little sooner than we'd planned, that's all."

"That's all? And what about the baby?" she screamed back at me. The "A" word was on both our minds but being Catholics, neither one of us wanted to say it out loud even though we were both thinking about it. 

"After this semester we'll take a little break and I'll get a job so we can start to get settled before the baby gets here. After the baby comes we can go back and finish school. We will be right back to where we are now. 

Can you say shit for brains? Because that was what we both were secretly thinking when I made that grandiose speech. We knew it probably wasn't going to happen like I'd laid it out, but if we didn't say it out loud, maybe my little fantasy would actually happen. Well, it didn't and it was much worse than either one of us could have ever imagined.

First, with only having two years of college under my belt I didn't get the great job I'd always planned on getting. The money wasn't bad, but the hours were long due to my working a ton of overtime. My benefits didn't kick in for ninety days and only partially covered Becky's pregnancy because of something called a pre-existing medical condition. To top it all off, Becky had a difficult pregnancy and was bed ridden for the last two months. Monetarily we were making it outside of the medical bills that were putting us deeper into debt each month.

Becky went from a shapely five foot six slender beauty with shoulder length light brown hair to an overweight blimp, as she referred to herself. Her long locks were replaced with a short-cropped hairdo that she said was easier to take care of, and I learned very quickly not to say anything about her weight. More than once I caught her staring into her full-length body mirror looking sad as she rubbed her belly. She was not a happy camper.

Like she said, her dad blamed me and so did mine. My dad asked why I couldn't have left it in my pants or at least covered it up. Everything was black and white with him and accidents only happened when you did something stupid, like this. Luckily both our mothers took a slightly different approach. They weren't happy about it either but were a lot more forgiving for one and only one reason; there was going to be a baby involved, their first grandchild.

I tried, God knows I tried. A small wedding with just family and a few friends was what we had instead of the splash Becky had always dreamed about. There was no honeymoon because money was still tight and Becky made it perfectly clear that she wasn't going to go parading around some damn resort looking like a whale in some frumpy outfit, so we stayed home and tried to make the best of it. 

We found a cute little two-story house that had been up for sale for over two years. Right now it wasn't anything special but had possibilities. In this down economy the owner wanted to dump it but we made a deal with him to do a rent with the option to buy after two years. He didn't like it much because he wanted his money out of it but our moms convinced him somehow. Who was going to argue with two determined women?

Becky liked the house and for the first time, in a long while, she was starting to smile again. The women would dream about paint and curtains on the windows while I thought about all the hard work it was going to take to make it a real home for the three of us, and it was going to be the three of us very soon.

After one of the hottest summers on record, Becky gave birth to our son. He weighed nine pounds, ten ounces and although she didn't have an easy birth, I was there every step of the way. Danny was born after sixteen hours of intense labor. She was drained and beyond exhaustion looking like a limp dishrag as she held our son for the first time. She smiled but I think it was more about it finally being over than the bundle of joy she was holding.

Everyone was happy for us and said we were now a family, whatever that meant, but the hard work of adding another mouth only pulled us further apart.

Becky's mom talked her into breast-feeding Danny. It was suppose to be healthier for the baby, but she had nothing but problems with it from day one and this was one issue I couldn't help her with. Becky didn't have tiny breasts but they weren't big either. The nurses said that there wouldn't be a problem and showed her how to pump out her milk when he wasn't feeding. I guess they never anticipated the ravenous appetite Danny would have. From the start all he wanted to do was EAT, sleep, poop, and EAT more. My wife was getting more stressed everyday.

"Hon, why don't we put him on formula and give you a break? You haven't had a good night's sleep since we left the hospital and that way I could take over the night feedings.

"Mother's milk has special things in it and it's better for our son, don't you know anything?" she snapped at me. To tell you the truth, no I didn't, but I was learning the hard way and fast. When he got something called colic it only made life worse. He now skipped the sleeping and went straight from EATING, to crying, to pooping, to wanting to EAT again. Becky finally relented and we put him on baby formula, that didn't totally solve all our problems either.

After four long hard months our parents gave us the best gift ever—two weekends alone. Her parents picked up Danny on Friday afternoon and were keeping him until late Sunday afternoon. Our sex life had been almost nonexistent so I thought that we'd spend the weekend in bed reconnecting. I only got it half right.

I came home Friday night with Chinese, Becky's favorite, and found her dead asleep. I figured I'd just let her sleep until she woke up and then we'd have dinner along with a little lovemaking. I ate dinner alone and crawled in bed next to my wife just after eleven. I woke up at seven thirty the next morning, made coffee and waited. Ten thirty-two the next morning she walked downstairs wearing that old blue terry cloth robe she'd had forever along with her bunny slippers.

"I think I died and went to heaven last night," she said smiling and stretching. I laid down just after two o'clock, after mom picked up Danny, and fell asleep. The next thing I knew it was nine thirty this morning. Why didn't you wake me?"

"Babes, you needed a good nights sleep more than Chinese last night," I said sipping on my second cup of coffee. "I've got coffee and plan on making you the breakfast of your dreams. So sit your butt down and have a cup of coffee while I do this."

Sausages links and French toast with fresh fruit and whipped cream were the things dreams were made of that morning. I cooked until she couldn't get down another bite and then I cleaned up the kitchen while she took a shower. When she came out I kissed her wet body and started to get frisky. She told me to hit the shower and shave or there wouldn't be anymore kissing. 

All right, I was pumped. I was going to get laid or should I say make love to my wife. It had been a while and I knew I wasn't going to last long the first time, but I figured I'd be able to knock off at least two sessions before lunch. To save time I shaved in the shower and made sure my chin was as smooth as a baby's bottom. I jumped out of the shower, dried off, and with a huge smile on my face I went looking for my bride. Maybe she's got some frilly thing on and waiting for me in bed my hormones screamed at me. I rushed back into our bedroom. Fuck, she was totally dressed.

"Hurry up and get dressed. I've got a big shopping list for today. We'll start off at Wal-Mart and then I want to stop off at Lowes and look at shutters for our bedroom. I don't like shades and the sun is waking me up too early every morning." My dick went limp.

"I thought we'd fool around a bit this morning. You know, reconnect."

"Steve, we've got the whole evening for that. Right now we've got things to do. We can fool around later, if there's time." 

"If there's time?" my little brain screamed out. I got dressed.

At Lowes we got paint for Danny's room and two sets of wooden shutters for our bedroom. At Wal-Mart we got new sheets for our bed and an extra set of bath towels that were on sale but it took forever to get Becky out of the store because she had to walk the entire store to see what else was on sale. We didn't get back home until after two thirty. Then, instead of making time for the two of us, she wanted the shutters put up and the first coat of paint on Danny's walls.

The shutters took me about two hours and while I was putting them up Becky rearranged the furniture in Danny's room so we, or should I say I, could paint the walls. I put the first coat on the walls and then the trim. She said something about breaking for dinner, but I was on a mission. So, she ate the leftover Chinese and I worked until almost ten o'clock. God, I hate trim work I told myself sitting on the floor with my back up against the crib after finishing, the dirty paintbrush still in hand. 

When Becky said she hoped the walls would look better with a second coat I about shit. 

"You don't like the color?"

"It looked different on the paint swatch, that's all," she said with this scowl on her face. I did the second coat that night.

She was watching the television in bed when I came in just after midnight. I was dead tired, dirty, and smelling of paint and body odor. 

"Take a look at the room and tell me what you think while I take a shower." I was whipped.

I had been going nonstop for the better part of ten hours and although I was a little hungry, I was too tired to eat. The shower about put me to sleep and after drying off I climbed into bed and before I knew it I had drifted off to sleep. Like me on Friday night, she didn't wake me up.

I found her Sunday morning in Danny's room moving the furniture back. I helped her and then we both went downstairs to breakfast. I was famished and made Belgian waffles and bacon. I must have eaten three whole ones before I finally stopped. Sipping on a cup of coffee, Becky asked what I had planned for the rest of the day. With a gleam in my eye, I chased her upstairs and we spent the next two hours in bed. It had been a while and we both needed the release, which came too fast the first time. The second time was nice and slow and, I made sure she got off at least twice. This was a welcome break, but by four thirty Danny was back and life went back to our new normal. 

Two weeks later when my parents took Danny we went out Saturday night with our old friends. We were the only ones married with a kid. Even though they all said they envied us, I knew they were thankful it was us and not them. We didn't make love that weekend but did fuck one another about three or four times. 

After six months at my new job I was informed that the company would reimburse me for any schooling that was related to work. Since I had been going for a business and marketing degree, so anything and everything I needed to take for my degree was acceptable. I was in seventh heaven, but Becky wasn't.

"It isn't fair. You get to go back to school, and I get stuck at home watching Danny."

"Honey, as soon as we get a little more ahead, you can go back to school and finish your degree. It's just that they're going to pay for everything outside of books. I'd be a fool not to take advantage of it." She understood but like I said, she wasn't happy.

The next two years were something like a whirlwind. I went to school two nights a week and did an on-line course one other night. So, when I wasn't going to school I was either working or studying. I made sure to leave Saturday and Sunday open for our family, which I made sure, included a fun activity and me making all the meals. When Becky started working a couple of hours a night I was happy for her. It got her out of the house, and she now had a little mad money of her own. Life was finally going our way.

When I had four classes left for my degree and found out I could take them all on-line; I did something for my wife I'd promised her years ago. I told her she could go back to college and finish her degree.

"You mean it? You're not joking around, are you?"

"Honey, it's your turn now." Did I get sex that night? Hell, yes, and it was much better than the diet of quickies I'd had over the last year. We'd been so busy that we'd started pulling apart because there was never any 'us' time, now there would be.

I set it up with both her parents and mine to watch Danny when I was at work and at night I'd take over the baby-sitting duties. Becky deserved it after so many years of helping me out. We were now both almost twenty-four but would still each have our degrees by the time we were twenty-seven. Not bad, a kid, a house, and four year degrees; we'd have it all.

School was tough for Becky and she wasn't getting the high grades she had before everything went haywire. She had to work a lot harder and even got connected with a study group to help boost her grades. I offered to help her but she insisted that she could do it on her own. I think her first year was the hardest of our entire marriage. By the end of her second semester I felt that I had a roommate more than a wife. Three days a week of school and three nights a week with her study group there was again no time for us to connect. I guess maybe this was what it was like when I'd gone to school, but I didn't remember it being quite this bad.

"You want to go where?" I asked almost in shock.

"I want to go to Panama City for spring break with my study group."

"Becky, I barely see you, and now you want to go off with the people you've been spending every waking minute with instead of your husband? What's wrong with this picture?" I asked. My voice carried the irritation I felt.

"Steve, it'll be Thursday night and I'll be back late Sunday night. It's not like I'll be gone the whole two weeks. I'm not driving and I still have a little mad money left. Come on, I think I deserve this."

I wasn't happy but told her okay. I even slipped her a couple of extra bucks. I told her to call me when she got there and to take it easy. I reminded her she wasn't a teenager anymore. She gave me an ugly look after that comment.

I kissed her goodbye Thursday night and didn't hear back from her until she was on her way back late Sunday afternoon. If you think I was pissed that would be an understatement.

I had called the hotel at least a dozen times and left messages for her but she never returned a one. I didn't know any of her friends, so I didn't have any of their cell numbers. Her phone had been turned off Thursday night and not turned back on until Sunday morning.

"I know you're mad and you have every right to be, but would you believe I lost my phone and only found it Sunday morning?" She tried to explain to me when she finally called.

"No," I shouted into the phone.

"Would you believe I was drunk for three days?" 

"That I would fucking believe." I was hot. "What else did you do that you weren't suppose to?" I asked not even wanting an answer.

"I didn't do anything and I don't like the tone of your voice," she replied. "Just what are you implying?"

"Oh, I don't know? Just what do drunken women do on spring break, anyway? Will I see your picture on a Girls Gone Wild video or worse?"

"I don't like where this conversation is heading. We'll talk about this when I get home."

"We sure as hell will!" I hung up.

Sunday night got really ugly. I didn't come right out and ask if she had cheated on me, but I did allude to it in a roundabout way. She denied it vehemently and asked how I could accuse her of such a thing.

"I don't know, maybe because you're the one who said she was too drunk to call her husband to tell him she was all right, because maybe she wasn't all right." Our marriage took a nosedive after that night.

She apologized for not calling and for acting like a scatterbrain, but there didn't seem to be any remorse in the way she said it. After that I got blamed for everything. 

If I hadn't gotten her pregnant we'd be on easy street with good jobs and traveling the world. She told me how this group or that one was going to the Caribbean, Mexico, or Europe for summer vacations that we'd never be able to go on.

"Becky, we're not dead yet, are we? So, we're not quite as free as your single friends, but would you give up Danny to be that way?"

"Steve, what a horrible thing to say. I love Danny to death. I never once said I was sorry he was born." She hadn't said it aloud, but I know she had thought it on more than one occasion.


Love Wasn't Enough For Her



So, our life and marriage went on. It did get a little bit better but was a far cry from what it had been prior to the Panama City trip. We made love but most of the time we had sex. When I told her I missed the long teasing and romantic sessions we had in the past I was told to take what I could get because there was a little one in the house now.

When I set up a free weekend for us, Becky informed me that her study group was getting together on that Saturday night. When I told her to choose what she wanted to do, she talked me into going with her to their get together which ended up being a horrible mistake.

I think the oldest person of the group was twenty-two and an immature twenty-two at that. They were young, single, and had one thing on their mind—to party and have fun. I remembered my first two years of college and how much I'd drank but four years later I had priorities other than getting drunk and getting laid.

I tried to fit in but I wasn't into drinking games anymore, and even though there were a lot of smoking hot single women there, I was more than satisfied with what I had. There was a lot of kissing, flirting, and hand play with most of the stupid games. I guess if you drink enough your inhabitations go out the window along with a lot of common sense. Most of these people would never remember half of what they did that night and the rest of them, well, they'd be worshiping the porcelain god before the night was over.

About one in the morning I grabbed Becky when one of her buddies got way too friendly. I found him making lips with my wife and trying to cop a feel. I didn't kick the shit out of him because I don't think he could have even stood up. Becky? She was blasted also, but at least had enough common sense not to say a word. All in all, none of the members of her study group impressed me in the least.

Did we make love Saturday night? Not a chance in hell even if she hadn't puked on the way home. Sunday she was nursing a massive hangover and as for me, I was doing a slow burn.

"I know you're pissed but I don't want to hear about it right now. Chris was drunk and didn't know what he was doing and who he was doing it with."

"But you did, didn't you? What would you have done if you found me kissing some strange women with her tits in my fucking hands? Or maybe you just don't care any longer, is that it?" That put her back on her heels.

"Steve, what an awful thing to say. Do you think I set out to get felt up last night? It was a stupid mistake on both our parts, that's all. It's not something that either one of us would have done sober."

"And how much of this shit happened in Panama City where I wasn't there to stop it?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? Nothing happened up there. I didn't do a damn thing with anyone. Why won't you believe me?"

"Well, if this can happen with me in the same room, what happened with me six hours away?" Becky was getting angry again.

"If I hear your accusations one more time it'll be a cold day in hell before you get any nookie from me again."

"It's all ready been a cold day in hell," I quickly retorted back at her. "Becky, you just don't see what's happening to us, do you? You're a married woman and a mother acting like a single girl again. You're constantly picking your new young friends over your family, and I'm more than a little concerned."

"Well, if I hadn't gotten knocked up," she started to say when I stopped her dead in her tracks.

"For the millionth time, I'm fucking sorry but unless you can push Danny back into your womb, you're going to have to live with it. Danny's not going away but unless you get your head out of your ass, we're not going to make it." I'd thrown the gauntlet down.

I could see the steam come out of her ears. She turned around, marched back into our bedroom and slammed the door, locking it in the process. I loved her, but she was making it harder and harder every day. And like I said, she didn't see it.

When we were together for dinner things were frosty, at best. And now she was gone almost every night with her friends. When she came home drunk or high Friday night we had a big drag out fight. I finally gave her a choice, her friends or our marriage.

"You can't tell me what to do, I'm not some eight year old you can order about."

"Then stop acting like one."

"Steve, you've called all the shots since we've been married but not this time. They're my friends and I'll see them if and when I want."

"Then I guess I know where your priorities really lie." I left and didn't come back for two days which I guess was juvenile on my part, but I was afraid of what I would have said or done.

The following Thursday I was served at work. I tried to talk to her but she refused to talk to me in person or even on the phone. I was told to read the paperwork because it was all in there.

Irreconcilable Differences was how it was all spelled out in the papers. She was looking for child support for Danny, alimony for herself because she wasn't working, the house with me paying the mortgage, and full medical and dental. I don't know what she'd been smoking, but it must have been something pretty strong. In essence they were asking for more than I even made.

Doug, a friend of my dad's who was also an attorney, took pity on me and did all my divorce work pro-bono. He told me to ask for joint physical custody of Danny, this way there would be minimal child support and to fight any alimony. Becky was more than capable of working, and since it was my money paying for her education, I was told to stop it immediately.

"Steve, you don't want it to get ugly if for no other reason that you have a son and will have to have at least some contact with her."

"Doug, I don't even want the damn divorce. If I could just talk to her, I know I could convince her to drop it." But she never did talk to me until it was too late for the two of us.

As they say life went on. She and Danny moved in with her parents for the time being. She still wouldn't talk to me and it seemed that it was going to be a lost cause. Her parents were sorry, but were on her side, like mine were on mine. After telling my boss that I might be leaving due to an impending divorce, he told me that he'd gone through two and had a few tidbits of wisdom. That's when he told me about cutting off all my overtime and hitting me with a pay cut.

"We're not doing that badly, are we?"

"Look, Steve, I like you, and I understand what you're going through. You need to suck it up for the next six to eight months because they're going to base your child support and everything else on what you are presently making. You're going to be losing well over a third of what you're making, but it will be only temporary. If you need any extra money, I know a guy who owns a gym in Ashland who will pay you cash money to clean his place every night. Your wife is going to realize pretty quickly that it's not going to go exactly like everyone is telling her."

He was right on that one. I left my house and moved back in with my folks. I cancelled the phone, cable, electric, and stopped making the monthly mortgage payments. There was no way I was going to be able to afford what she was asking. My boss gave my attorney a letter stating that my overtime was ending effective immediately due to the downturn in the economy, the employees might, in addition, have to take a five percent pay cut. 

"Steve, how come you're not paying the house payment and the other bills? We're going to lose the house," she yelled at me over the phone.

"So? And your point?"

"Where are Danny and I going to live?"

"I guess with your parents, sure as hell not mine."

"But I was told you'd have to pay the house payments until Danny turned eighteen so we could live there."

"I'd sooner lose the house and my job than to pay so you could live there scot-free. How stupid do you think I really am?"

"But they told me."

"I don't care who told you what, I'll give you child support for Danny, but that's all. Last time I looked I didn't have sucker tattooed on my forehead, at least not any more."

"Maybe we can talk about this, you know, work out some agreement. I'd hate like hell to lose the house after all the work we did on it."

"The house means shit to me. I did kind of hope that we could work through our problems, but I guess you have your own agenda going forward. Too bad, we use to have something special."

The lawyers went back and forth for almost two more months. Becky's lawyer wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was only his second case, but he was cheap, I guess you get what you pay for. With my salary cut by forty percent and with me asking for joint physical custody I'd thrown him more than one curve.

My attorney, Doug, said that I would pay the standard guideline twenty percent of my salary if Becky had full custody and only fifteen percent for joint custody. There would be no alimony, no house payments, and Becky was to assume fifty percent of all existing debt.

We had only one credit card with less than a thousand dollar balance but our medical bills were well over ten thousand dollars. I'd been paying a certain amount on it every month but since I'd been served I stopped paying anything. It was getting less rosy for her by the day.

When Becky's lawyer asked for a face-to-face meeting I refused their first request. The bank was talking foreclosure and with no one mowing the lawn for the last eight weeks the house wasn't looking too good. I was working my day job and then driving twenty miles to my other night job, which took about two hours every night. The one thing it did do was to keep me busy and grounded. I'd see Danny on the weekends at my mom's house and still managed to keep up with my schoolwork. Did I have time to think about Becky? Hell, yes, but when I did, I just got angry all over again, so I tried to block her out of my mind as much a possible.

Becky was the one that came up with a compromise that even shocked the shit out of me. She proposed that we both live in the house until we could either sell it or have one of us buy out the other. She and Danny would have the upstairs, I would have the basement bedroom and the main floor would be neutral ground. This way we wouldn't lose what equity we'd built up in the house. We would split the bills down the middle and we could also split custody without moving Danny around week to week. She asked that I pay the house payment and she would take care of the utilities. My share of the house would be pro-rated because I would be paying the lion's share of the expenses. We would split the food and all the other household expenses. I guess it was her last ditch effort to save the house. I decided it was time to meet.

"Well, what do you think of my offer?"

"I don't think it's going to work," I replied. "You did nothing but bitch at me the last six months we were together, what would be the difference now?"

"Well, I'd be upstairs and you'd be in the basement. Our contact would be limited, and we're only doing this to save what little nest egg we have. I think when the market opens up we'll make at least thirty thousand in profit on our place. I'd hate to lose that after all our work."

"You mean after all my work, don't you?"

"I lived there too, didn't I?"

"When you decided to grace us with your presence," I responded back sarcastically.

"Hey, I was going to school and studying," she shot back at me.

"Yeah right, tell me another lie why don't you." It was getting ugly all over again.

"I don't care what you believe, I wasn't cheating on you."

"Becky, this isn't going to work. The first time your asshole friends come over and get in my face I'm going to kick their butts out and it'll be a done deal. And, I'm sure as hell not going to be your live-in baby sitter while you go off gallivanting around every night. Why don't we just say we had a good run while it lasted and let it go at that?"

"Don't you even want to try?"

"Why? You were the one that wanted this divorce because I was the one who was holding you back after ruining your life, so excuse me if I don't have a lot of sympathy for you."

"I never said that."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You mean that you spending six days a week with your friends was more important than spending time with your family?"

"I was studying, for Christ's sakes. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"You don't have to explain anything to me anymore. You're getting exactly what you wanted, and I hope you fucking choke on it." It wasn't going like Becky thought it would.

"How about if we set up rules for each of us? You know, who does what and when. That way there won't be any misunderstandings." She was pleading now.

God damn, I still loved this woman but hated her at the very same time. Maybe if we did this, she'd see what she'd be losing and drop this damn divorce. It was a long shot but it was my last chance.

"All right, you give me a list of your conditions and I'll make up a list of my own. We will see if we can come to some type of agreement," I told her.

"Great, give me a couple of days and then we can get together again." I didn't respond. "You'll see, we're two adults and I know we can make it work."

Two days later we exchanged lists and that's when fur flew. She lost about fifty percent of hers and I lost about a third of mine. She would do the cooking and shopping and I would take care of the house. We would split the child-care duties and each of us would have a free night either Friday or Saturday. I was emphatic that there would be no parties and NO overnight guests. We both agreed to the final terms, signed them, had the agreement notarized, and put into the divorce papers.

Getting caught back up on the bills was tough but we split the costs. Becky had to take out a loan for that and for school among other things. She was now working three to four nights a week and with her three classes she had literally no free time.

I was eating all my meals in the basement because it hurt too much to sit at the table and pretend we were still a loving family in front of Danny. Finally one night she brought the food she had made for Danny and herself down to my room and said that if I wasn't coming upstairs to eat with them, they'd be eating downstairs with me every night. I relented.

After about a month things were almost normal. We got along and even laughed with one another. We hadn't gotten along this well in the last year. I helped her with Danny whenever I could and when she asked me for a little help with her schoolwork I was more than willing. As I said, maybe this was the wakeup call we both needed.

When she came home late one Friday night plastered, I helped her upstairs, undressed her, and put her to bed. The following morning she couldn't take her eyes off me.

"Thanks for your help last night. I guess I had a little too much to drink and ended up having someone drive me home."

"No problem," I replied. It was nice to see her naked body again. After I had put her into bed, I beat off in my bathroom wishing I'd copped a few feels. Damn, I wanted her.

The divorce paperwork was going through the courts and was less than a month away. I was trying my best to show her that we should try again without actually coming out and saying anything when two things happened.

It was about two weeks before our divorce became final. That evening I was cleaning up the gym when she walked in. She was about twenty-two, just over five feet two with the body of an athlete, solid and firm. I guess she'd been working out in one of the back rooms and had startled me because I thought everyone had gone home. We exchanged looks as she walked towards the women's showers. I was just finishing up when she emerged dressed in jeans and a short tee shirt.

"Steve, isn't it?"

"Yes, Steve Moore to be exact," I said smiling at her.

"Hi, I'm Amber Collins. I teach the afternoon aerobics classes. Kenny let's me work out at night when most people are gone. This way I don't have to share the machines and have other people bothering me, that is unless I want to be bothered," she said smiling.

"Well, now that you're done, I can finish up with the women's locker-room and get the hell out of here. It's late and I'm hungry and tired all at the same time."

"How about if I help you and we grab a quick bite," she replied.

I wasn't sure how to take her offer but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I smiled and within twenty minutes we were done and out of there. She said she knew a nice place close by and I should follow her. After ten minutes we were inside and had ordered.

Deep, rich black hair, that was still damp from her shower, olive colored skin, and the greenest eyes I'd ever seen.

"Steve, if you stare any harder you're going to burn two holes through me," she said with a laugh.

"I'm sorry," I said somewhat embarrassed. "It's just that you are really beautiful, do you know that?"

"If that's a pickup line, you're going to have to do a lot better than that."

I blushed, hell, I must have turned red-faced like a damn high school kid.

"I'm sorry, I hope I didn't offend you, and I'm not trying to pick you up really," I stammered.

"Why the hell not? I'm not good enough for you?" That brought on an hour discussion on my sucko personal life.

"You see, I'm still trying to save my marriage," I told her.

"Wow, talk about going down to the wire. What are you going to do next week when it becomes final?"

"Still try until I can see no more hope of reconciliation."

"You're a better person than me. I would have dumped the bitch and moved on. Life is too short to spend it on someone that stupid." We talked on for about another hour.

"Amber, I've got to call it a night. I've got schoolwork I need to finish by tomorrow night, and a list of honey do's that won't quit. I really had a nice time tonight, maybe we'll see each other around again."

"Steve, I work at the gym, of course I'll see you around. I do wish you the best of luck, but if it doesn't work out keep me in mind. I can always use a workout partner." As I drove home I wondered what she had meant by that last comment.

The first thing I noticed when I pulled up into my driveway that was different was that there was a strange car in the driveway in my spot and Becky's car was still in the garage. Looking at my watch it was a shade past ten thirty so it was probably just be one of her friends visiting. I pulled into Becky's spot and walked into the house. The kitchen was clean and I didn't see or hear anyone so I went about my business. 

I came upstairs about twelve thirty to get a beer when I heard a familiar sound from the next floor. Thinking I'd heard it wrong I quietly walked up the stairs and stood outside what had been our bedroom. When we made love, Becky wasn't quiet especially when she climaxed—that's what I had heard all the way in the kitchen. I could hear his voice from inside but I didn't stick around to hear what he was saying. I grabbed my beer from the kitchen and went back to my new bedroom.

Men aren't supposed to cry but I did anyway. Physically and emotionally I crashed that night. For the first time since I'd been served I realized my marriage was really over. Shit, she hadn't even had the courtesy to wait until our divorce became final next week. Two more beers eased the pain somewhat, but the emptiness was now settling in. I felt lost and alone for the first time in my life. I wanted to fucking die.

I was gone before anyone got up Sunday morning. She rang my phone later that afternoon but I let it go to voice mail, She was saying something about our usual Sunday night dinner but I'd lost my appetite and besides, she was the last person in the world I wanted to see.




Love Wasn't Enough For Her



I got home sometime after ten thirty. I'd had dinner with my parents and spent a couple of hours in a bar of all places. I didn't get drunk because for once I had to make plans going forward. It was now my life I had to worry about.

Monday I went to work early and even stopped at McDonald's for breakfast. I still felt dead inside but at least the waiting was finally over. My boss asked if I was okay and all I could tell him was that my divorce would be final this week.

"I guess your plan to win her back didn't work, huh?"

I just shook my head and went back to work. I needed to stay busy so my mind wouldn't wander to what I didn't want to think about. I stopped off over at my mom's and had a quiet dinner with her.

"Did you know Becky's looking for you?" she asked me

"So? In three days she'll be a free woman and I'll be out of her hair." I was going to tell her about Saturday night but thought what would be the point. I headed out to my second job and within an hour I was up to my eyeballs in sweaty towels and empty water bottles. 

I was wiping down the treadmills when I saw Amber. She waved and went back into one of the aerobic rooms. I was hurting and angry. I really didn't want to talk to anyone. I had the women's locker-room cleaned well before she finished her workout. I was just heading out the door when I saw her come into the main equipment room. She waved, I waved back, and I was out of there. 

When I pulled onto our driveway I noticed there were no guests tonight, but it didn't matter anymore. I snuck downstairs and shut and locked my bedroom door. I had just finished undressing when I heard a knock on my door.

"Steve, are you in there?" Becky asked.

I sat silently on the bed staring at the stupid door. I wanted to throw it open and shake her. I wanted to tell her that she'd killed any love I had left for her and that I hope the sex had been worth it. But I took the coward's way out and just waited for her to leave before falling asleep.

She was in the kitchen waiting for me Tuesday morning. She looked like she hadn't slept a wink the previous night; She was sitting at the table sipping on a cup of coffee in her blue robe.

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about."

"I don't know how it happened. We were studying and the next thing I knew..." I stopped her.

"I don't need to know the how or why and certainly not the fucking details." I was beyond angry at this point. "Our divorce is final on Thursday and I plan on being out of here by the weekend," I told her.

"But what about our agreement?" I just stared at her. I couldn't believe what I just heard coming out of her mouth.

"Becky, I thought in my own crazy mind that maybe, just maybe, I could convince you to give it another shot, but I guess you had other plans. I told you from the beginning it wasn't going to work and after last Saturday I finally realize by this weekend we'll be officially divorced. You got what you wanted. I hope it's everything you expected. So, if you'll excuse me, I've got a job to go to and an apartment to find." I walked out of her life and my marriage.

Until I found a place I moved back in with my parents and no longer paid the house payments or anything else. I would give Becky her twenty fucking percent of what I was making because there was no way I'd be able to care for Danny and work two jobs. My life was in the shitter and Becky had just pushed the handle down.

My mom was sorry it hadn't worked out but I was starting to be relieved that it was going to be officially over. We had mostly crap for furniture and there was no way I wanted anything out of our bedroom. I let her take whatever she wanted. Thursday night, after I got home from the gym, Becky wanted to talk but all I wanted to do was pack and get the hell out of there.

"Steve, think about what you're doing. Let's not overreact to what happened," she tried to say. I turned around and with daggers in my eye said my final piece.

"I should have kicked the shit out of Chris that first night and then maybe you and your other friends wouldn't have thought I was such an easy cuckold. I don't know when you lost respect for me, whether it was on your spring break trip or during one of your many fucking study sessions. It doesn't matter anymore. You blamed me for your unfulfilled life but you never once took any responsibility for what happened. I didn't do this all on my own we did it together. Hell, I know we didn't have an easy life but it was a good one. I loved you and would have done anything for you and Danny, but you had or needed to have more than I guess I could give you. I'm just glad I found out now instead of twenty years down the road. At least now I still have the time for a do over." She was crying, I was tearing up and with two suitcases in my hands I was done and out of there.

Her attorney threatened to take me back to court but I told him, through Doug, to pound sand up his ass. Becky had broken the agreement not me. It was cut and dry. She tried for a couple of weeks to talk to me but I never took her calls and didn't return her e-mails. I found an apartment close to my other job. This way I'd cut down on driving back and forth every night and it was as far away from Becky as I could get.

"I saw Danny almost every other week and he couldn't understand why I wasn't living with him and his mother anymore. I would just hug him and tell him I loved and missed him. I would let his mother explain it to him. I did make sure I got to my mom's after Becky dropped him off and left before she picked him up. She was one person I never wanted to see again. Every once in a while my mom would hand me a letter from Becky, but I would just rip it in half and toss it into the trash while she looked on.

"Steve, you've still got way too much hate in you. You need to let it go. You'll feel much better."

"Mom, how do you forgive someone who ripped out your heart and took something beautiful and killed it? I don't think I'll ever have it in me to forgive her."

"God, Steve, you still love her that much?" Even though I didn't want to admit it, I still loved her heart and soul. Maybe I should get WIMP or SUCKER tattooed across my forehead. Well, if I didn't see her, it made it a little easier.

At work I was now allowed overtime again and took full advantage of it, both in town and on the road. I still kept my second job and for once had money in my pocket again. Amber and I continued to be friendly but she seemed somewhat standoffish over the last couple of months. Fuck them all, I didn't need another crazy self-absorbed bitch, however sex would be nice once in a while. It had been months and besides taking matters into hand I missed the touch of a female, the sweet taste, and the release only a woman can give you.

It was Friday night and the gym was empty, or so I thought. I was just finishing up when Amber snuck up behind me. She spun me around and laid a big kiss on me with just enough tongue to make it interesting.

"There, I've wanted to do that forever. If I'd waited for you to make the first move I would be collecting social security. Finish up and we're going out whether you like it or not." I said nothing just stood there with this stupid look on my face. "Steve, this isn't a request. Get your ass in gear while I shower."

What should have taken an hour or more took fifteen minutes. All right the gym wasn't as clean as it normally was that night, but I had things on my mind other than dirty machines and sweaty towels. She came out with her hair still wet and her gym bag in her hand.

"Follow me to my place. I've got to change into something a little more respectable if you're going to take me to dinner tonight." She smiled and I did my best to hide my semi-hard dick.

Her place was about twenty-five minutes from my place and was a big step up from where I was staying. Within ten minutes she reappeared from her bedroom in tattered jeans, a very colorful tee shirt, and her dark hair pulled back into a long ponytail. She looked cute and hot all at the same time. I shifted my pants for the second time tonight.

We, or should I say she, decided on an Asian restaurant. It was small and the menu was very limited but the food was superb. 

"I've watched you mope around that place for months and figured it was time you got back into the game. She dumped you, get over it. You're free of the bitch. You've got a son and your whole life in front of you. You know what they say? Living a full life is the best revenge you can get."

After dinner we ended up back at her place. For the next two hours we kissed and did a lot of feeling outside the clothes. She wasn't going any further and I sure as hell knew I wasn't ready even though my dick had other ideas.

My drive home was tough as my dick kept getting in the way. As soon as I got home, I took care of my problem and thought about nothing but Amber.

"Hello," A tired voice came through the receiver.

"I'm sorry, were you sleeping?"

"Who is this? Steve, is that you?" she said sounding a little more awake. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Looks like about two fifteen," I replied in an apologetic tone. "It's just that I was thinking about you and decided to call and ask you out."

"Let me get this straight. You've been thinking about me since you dropped me off and waited until two in the morning to call and ask me out. Is that about right?"

It didn't sound so romantic the way she was playing it back to me.

"Yeah, I guess that about covers it."

"Yes, and never, I repeat never, call me at two o'clock in the morning again. Get it?"

"When do you want to go out again?" I asked. There was silence on the other end.

"Call me tomorrow and we'll talk. Just so it's not at six o'clock in the damn morning. You still know how to tell time, I hope?" She hung up.

I called the next day and by Saturday we started dating. After two months we became exclusive and dealt with the next issue.

"Steve, I don't jump into bed with every guy I date so don't get any ideas. When I'm ready I'll let you know, do you have a problem with that?"

"Not really, but how exactly will I know?"

"Don't worry, you'll know." One month later she was right, I knew immediately.

Amber had tickets for some event sponsored by the gym where we worked. I really didn't want to go but was going for her, and I think she knew it.

"Pick me up at seven and don't be late. I'm not one for grand entrances, if you know what I mean." 

I came to her apartment door with a Gerbera daisy in my hand. I figured I'd make points with her with it, along with looking good in my best semi-casual attire. I knocked on the door and as soon as she opened it I knew something was different—she was naked.

"Since you didn't want to go in the first place, I figured we'd have dinner here. You have a problem with that?" she asked pulling me in and giving me a kiss. With her warm lips on mine, her tongue was saying hello to mine. I wasn't sure if this was the real thing, a sick joke, or a test on her part. "Well, dinner's about ready, so why don't you come in, get comfortable, and we can eat," she said leading me into the kitchen. Turning around she took my jacket and threw it across one of the dining room chairs and started unbuttoning my shirt. "When I said comfortable I meant it."

Although I wanted to be a gentleman Amber had other things on her mind and dinner wasn't one of them. Within five minutes I was as naked as she, sitting on a kitchen chair with her on my lap exchanging spit and tongues. 

It had been a long time and I was plenty hard which she could probably tell by now. I felt like if she moved her ass one more time, I'd embarrass myself by shooting off. I was thankful when she got off my lap and led me into her bedroom.

The second time we did it we made love because the first time took me all of about two minutes if that long. Our second session started off with me working on her since she said that I owed her at least two orgasms because of my lack of staying power. However, she never counted on my hard tongue.

Becky had loved it when I went down on her. She would put her pillow under her head and enjoy the pleasures of my talented tongue. Amber however, was an active participant. She rubbed my head and moved her pussy up and down on my face before putting a pillow under her ass so I could get better access to her entire slit. It didn't take long before she was moaning and telling me exactly where and how hard she wanted it before climaxing on my tongue.

Almost fully recovered I moved in between her legs and slipped right in on my first stroke. God, she was wet. I started off easy until Amber wrapped her legs around me, told me to quit fooling around and fuck her. My second one lasted all of about nine minutes. I got off once and her twice more before the sun came up.

I had one eye open when I realized that Amber wasn't in bed with me. Sitting up I saw that she was getting dressed.

"I'm the one that supposed to sneak out on you, not the other way around," I said with a satisfied smile on my face. "Where are you going?"

"Class. I teach a Saturday morning aerobics class. I was going to leave you a note but since you're up," she said coming over and giving me a kiss. "Maybe you should do something about your breath, you smell like me, not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Maybe I should leave."

Amber flopped back down on the bed. "Stay here, I'm nowhere near done with you, understand? There's a new toothbrush in the right drawer along with toothpaste. The mouthwash is under the sink. There is food in the refrigerator so you can help yourself until I get back. I should be back in less than two hours." She gave me a quick peck and she was out the door.

After I flossed, brushed, and used the mouthwash I went exploring. She had a nice one bedroom with both a full kitchen and living room. The living room came with a forty-two inch plasma television and quite a few other electronic toys. I headed for the kitchen. A pot of coffee and a bagel with peanut butter was breakfast. I read the newspaper at the kitchen table and had just finished doing up the breakfast dishes when Amber came shooting through the door.

"I need a shower bad," she said grabbing me by the arm.

By the time we were done, we were clean inside and out. We didn't even dry off before hitting the bed. With her warm mouth engulfing my length I was hard within minutes. I was going to stop her but she'd have none of that. With one hand toying with the boys, her lips and tongue did the rest. I think it came all the way up from my toes as I gave her at least two big loads and what was left of a third. I never actually saw her swallow but when she kissed me right after, there was nothing left in her mouth, thank God.

"I guess you were right," I said with a smirk on my face. "Only a blind man would have missed your hint that it was time to take it to the next level."

We spent most of Saturday in bed doing things I'd only dreamed about. I hadn't been a virgin when I'd met Becky, but Amber was a lot more experienced than the two of us combined. I don't think she had a shy bone in her body, and what a nice body it was.

She had 'B' cup breasts with small nipples at the end of each. They were firm and basically stuck straight out. I don't think she had an ounce of fat on her. I noticed this fact when I studied her body with my eyes but mostly my tongue. After draining one another we cuddled up together and took a little catnap, well, she did anyway.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Just after three in the morning," I lied but with room darkening shades she'd have to look out the window to prove me wrong.

"Liar," she said punching me in the arm. "You may have given me a good workout but you didn't put me down for the count, not yet anyway."

"I've got to sneak over to the gym and give it a quick once over," I told her. When she said she'd come with me and we'd have dinner afterwards I didn't argue.

Between the two of us it didn't take over an hour to finish. 

"How come you never workout here? I know Kenny wouldn't mind and you could firm up some of those soft areas."

"What soft areas?" I asked striking a macho pose.

"That soft belly of yours and your upper arms to mention a few. Give me three solid months and you won't recognize yourself. That is unless you like looking like a marshmallow." This sure sounded like a dare.

Now I know why divorced guys hit the gym. They've got a hell of a lot more time on their hands than married guys and they want to prove to themselves that they're still desirable to other women, and I was no exception.

If I told you that Amber kicked my butt most nights that would be an understatement. She was much worse than any Marine Corp drill instructor could ever be. She changed my diet and purged sugar from my body, damn it! Besides water, I could drink nothing but diet soda and beer, and only if I did extra time on the treadmill or elliptical. She was a real slave driver but it worked, nonetheless. I wasn't ready for the Mr. Universe competition but I'd dropped two and a half inches off my waist and put on fifteen pounds of muscle. For the first time in my life I was getting the eye from other women. This fact pleased me very much. 

Amber and I were still an item but she made it known right up front that she was nowhere near ready to settle down and get married. When she got a job offer from Gold's Gym in Atlanta she jumped at it. She would head up all the specialty programs and only have to teach four times a week. However, I hated to see her go for more than one reason.

"Steve, I'll be just seven hours away by car and you can come up to see me now and then. I've asked Bobby to take over for me to keep you on the straight and narrow. There is no way I want you to go back to that soft pathetic Steve I knew way back then." We spent every available moment together until it was time for her to leave. We both knew a long distance romance wouldn't work for us, but I still hated to see her leave and it wasn't even because of the fantastic sex either; I really cared for her.

"Steve, if you ever decide to relocate keep me in mind. I'm not saying I'm ready to settle down yet, only that I'd like another shot at you before you finally decide to settle down. Enjoy yourself and don't worry, with your new hot body you'll find a replacement for me in no time." She kissed me once more and she was gone.

Amber was right. I got hit on both at work and even in the gym. Bobby was a lot easier on me than Amber had been or maybe I was just in better shape now. By summer I'd put on another ten pounds of muscle and decided to stop bulking up. I would maintain now instead of growing any larger.

I still saw Danny every week but it had been over five months since I'd seen Becky. My mom was keeping me updated on what was going on, whether I wanted to hear it or not. The house was foreclosed on and now owned by the bank. Becky was still at her parents and had to go down from three classes to one class per semester, something about being short on time and money. Me, I was one class away from graduating and if I pushed it, I could be done in less than two months. I loved online classes.

I had taken Danny to the zoo and then out for pizza and was running a little late one Sunday. With Danny there was always another thing or animal he wanted to see and I loved spending time with him. With our leftovers still in the box we headed for my parents' house. When I pulled onto the driveway I knew I was screwed. There in front of me on the driveway was Becky's blue Chevy. I almost thought about sending in Danny alone but figured I'd dodged her long enough. I was no longer the weepy little husband she'd discarded. I was nervous but still had a pang of excitement in my gut to see her again.




Love Wasn't Enough For Her



With Danny on my shoulders we walked in. My mom and Becky were in the kitchen talking and my dad like always was in the den watching some sports talk show.

"Hello, Becky," I said in a cautious but cheerful tone. "One son returned to you with just a little extra wear around the edges," I said. Danny meanwhile had started to tell anyone who would listen what we'd done in the greatest of detail.

"Hi Steve, it's been quite a while," she said looking at me with wide eyes. I guess she noticed the changes.

"You're looking fit, single life must be agreeing with you." It was at that point the look of horror covered her face. "I'm sorry, that was callus of me."

"That's all right, it's all in the past now, anyway," I said looking at her. Becky looked tired. She looked like she'd aged ten years. Her long brown hair was again cut short, and it looks like she had gained more than a few pounds. I won't comment on what she was wearing other than to say it wasn't too stylish. She noticed I was sizing her up and tried to push her hair back to make it look a little better.

"I'm sorry I must look awful, I'm just getting over the flu."

"Sorry to hear that. Well, I've got to get going," I said giving Danny a hug and kiss. I also gave my mom a peck on the check and said, "Take care Becky, maybe we'll see each other around." I walked out to my car on rubbery knees. 

All right she looked a mess but she was still Becky, the mother of our son. She was nowhere near as hot as Amber or some of the other girls I'd dated but there was still something there.

Monday night my mom called.

"Well, Mom, I'm kind of surprised. I thought for sure you would have called me Sunday night with all the new gossip and with what Becky thought of the new Steve. Okay, let's hear it." 

"Can't a mother just call her son to say, 'Hi how's it going'?"

"Okay Mom, we'll play it your way. Becky looked a wreck. She looked like she'd been ridden hard and put away wet. I guess she had no idea I was running late unless you failed to tell her, which wouldn't surprise me in the least. How am I doing so far?"

"Honey, you know I don't like to say anything bad about anyone but let me just say that a certain lady was beyond floored. When her lower jaw hit the floor all I could do was smile, not that I wish her any ill will mind you. She called you a hunk and asked if you were dating anyone. I told her a few but no one seriously. I think someone regrets what she did especially after finding out she hasn't been out on a date in the last four months." My mother would have been a great CIA operative. She could dig out the smallest of details with just a simple smile and a casual question.

"I guess I just wanted to see her reaction to seeing you again. I wanted to see the look on her face after what she put you through. I needed to show her how far you've come without her fat ass."

"Remind me not to get on your bad side, Mom," I chuckled.

"Steve, remember the Rotary auction is next weekend and you promised."

"Come on, Mom," I pleaded.

"Honey, you promised. And you said you had two other guys that would also do it. It's for the kids' summer camp fund."

"All right, all right. Jim and Tim said they'd go along with it because it's for a good cause but they made me promise that you wouldn't get them sold to some sixty year old lady."

"It's an auction, I have no control who wins whom and don't worry, no one is expecting them to sleep with the winner; unless they want to that is."

"Mom, do I have to wash your mouth out with soap? I feel like I'm being pimped out."

"Just for one night and just in case, your dad will be there to make sure you show up."

The three of us worked out extra hard that week. I ate little to nothing so I'd look cut. The kids' summer camp was my dad's pet project and he went all out every year. Last year he sent a hundred kids to camp and this year he was going to try to top that. He and my mother had been to a highbrow charity auction where they had auctioned off three bachelors. They made a ton of money and it got my mom thinking. And when my mom gets something in her head, God help everyone. She had talked me into it, and I had talked two other guys into it.

"Come on, guys, it'll be fun and we get free drinks and food."

"I can just see it," Jim said. "Some old bat is going to win me and expect me to do the big nasty with her." He cringed.

"Maybe it'll be some good looking gay guy," Tim added with a laugh. "Won't you feel crunchy then?"

"Guys, guys, it's the damn Rotary for Christ's sakes and we're not Chip and Dale dancers so let's not worry too much about it. We'll go have a good time and do something good for a bunch of foster kids." Like I said, they were going to do it, but they were doing it more for me because they were my friends and that's what friends do.

We all rented tuxes and looked our best. I skipped on the food but had two drinks just to take the edge off the night. We were the last ones on the program right after the Olive Garden and Long Horn Steak House dinners, like I said, nothing but class. The room was filled to overflowing when Tim took the stage. The bidding started at fifty bucks and went to just over two hundred. Jim's sexy smile drove up the bidding to just over two seventy-five. I was third.

"Ladies and gentlemen," I announced over the microphone, "remember why we're here, it's for the kids," I told them. "Dig deep until it hurts and then dig a little deeper." I was playing to the crowd. I handed the microphone to the MC and the bidding began.

When the bidding stalled at just over three hundred dollars, I took off my bow tie, opened up my jacket and unbuttoned my shirt and showed everyone my six-pack. 

"Now, wouldn't you like to take something like this home with you tonight?" The MC asked the audience. A lot of the older ladies blushed but the younger ones dug a lot deeper.

The bidding came down to two women. I couldn't see who they were because of the dim lighting. When the bidding hit three hundred and fifty dollars, they started going up by five and ten-dollar increments and when it hit four hundred and forty dollars one backed out. 

I guess you're probably thinking that it was Becky who won me? Sorry to disappoint you, but no, she didn't. She was there that night but when it went over a hundred dollars she dropped out and just watched from the sidelines. No, it was a foxy blonde about thirty-eight who came up to the stage to claim her price.

She was dressed to the nines and her first and only statement was, "You ready to go?" What was I going to say, 'no'?

She led me out to the parking lot to a Cadillac Escalade.

"You drive," she said throwing me the keys.

"Can I ask where we're going?"

"I thought a quiet dinner, and then we'd play it by ear after that. Oh, by the way, my name is Shelly," she said with a perfect smile.

She wasn't from around here and was wearing enough gold and diamonds that they must have added ten pounds to her dynamite figure. When she told me to take a right and two lefts after driving almost a half hour I was confused. We'd pulled up to a beautiful house but there was no restaurant in sight. She saw my confusion.

"I said a quiet dinner, I didn't say where, did I?" She took my arm and we walked inside. There in the formal dining room a table was all ready set up and it looked like the first course was waiting for us.

"I hope you like salad because I'm a vegan and I don't eat meat."

"It's your night and we're playing by your rules."

A Cesar salad, a tomato bisque soup, and medium well steak rounded out my meal. Shelly had a salad and I'm not too sure what else. It looked like a piece of chicken but I knew it wasn't. I was stuffed and when she asked about dessert I said, "maybe later." We had a glass of wine on the back pool deck and for the first time we started to actually talk.

"I know all about you Steve, and I'm quite impressed by your manner tonight. A little cocky but you knew what you were doing up there. Your dad will be happy because I gave him an extra large tip that should send more than a few needy kids to camp this summer. I especially liked the part where your ex started also bidding for you. She knew she didn't stand a chance in hell but she did it anyway."

"Who are you?"

"Just an out of town business woman spending a couple of hours with the good looking spoils of an auction I never intended to loose." She moved in close and touched me just with her lips and then after licking my lower lip mashed hers against mine.

"Why don't we skip the after dinner drink and go straight on to the dessert?" This was starting to go in a direction that I wasn't too sure about.

"You're married, aren't you?" I asked fully knowing the answer.

"Does that make a difference to you?" Shelly replied taking another sip of her wine.

"To me no, but I'm curious, doesn't it bother you to cheat on your husband?" She paused for a minute and gave me a hard look before answering.

"We don't have an open marriage exactly, but we both are allowed a few indiscretions. No intercourse of any sort is allowed and it can be only a one-time thing with whomever. This way when we're out of town and we need a little release we can get it without exactly calling it cheating. You may not agree with it, but it works for us."

"I don't think I could handle it."

"Steve, we both love each other to death but since we're both on the road often this is a lot easier way to get rid of stress than to get a divorce over a damn blowjob or a little lickity clit. But enough of this talk, we've got more important things we can be doing," she said pulling my lips to hers.

She wasn't happy with my reply and after two more excellent kisses, she sent me back to my car in a cab. I was just walking out of the house when she spun me around, gave me a final kiss and said, "Oh, by the way, Amber sends her love." That sent me head reeling and my hand digging for the cell phone in my pocket

I told my mom that we just went out to dinner and talked. She did however, tell me that Becky still wanted to talk to me, but I never seemed to get around to calling her.

Even though my dad said it was cheesy, I attended and walked up to the podium to get my diploma. With a ton of sweat and blood I'd earned every credit in more ways than one and deserved to walk with my class. At the party, at my parents' house, everyone congratulated me on my accomplishment but also gave me the look that seemed to say, was it worth it? Becky brought Danny and instead of just dropping him off stayed the entire evening. She talked to my friends and family and always seemed to be looking my way. When the party was about over, I snuck up behind her. This time when she turned back around to look for me I was right there.

"Jesus Christ, Steve, you trying to give me a damn heart attack?" she said composing herself.

"Becky, do you want to go out sometime and just talk? I mean we never had or took the time, and I think it's long overdue, don't you?"

"Anytime you want. Just give me a little notice to set up baby sitting."

"Okay, set it up for this Saturday, and I'll pick you up at your mom's place about seven o'clock. We can have a nice dinner and go back to my place and talk and maybe put some old issues to rest."

"I'd like that," she said now smiling.

This week was busy. I got a salary bump and although I was tied to this company for six more months, because of them paying for my schooling, they didn't want me to leave.

"Look Steve, I can give you a seven and a half percent increase immediately and another five and a half in nine more months. You're coming along quite well and although I can't promise you anything, you are being looked at for an entry level management position down the line," my boss told me. Hell, in this economy I wasn't planning on going anywhere else.

I still kept my job at the gym but my days there were numbered. The extra money was nice because it was under the table but it was getting old. I was training a kid I'd met there and whenever I was tied up he would take over for me. I was going to miss working out for free, but like I said, I was starting to enjoy my post college freedom a lot more.

Saturday I picked up Becky and headed over to a small Japanese restaurant I knew on my side of town. She was friendly but a lot more quiet and subdued than the Becky of old. The food was good and we passed the hour and a half eating and making small talk like two sixteen year olds on their first date. What I was trying to do was put her and myself at ease in a casual atmosphere before we started taking about the tough issues of days gone by.

The drive to my place was quiet and tense. I had picked up a bottle of Becky's favorite wine and had a six-pack of Corona in the refrigerator. As I said before, my place was nothing to write home to mother about. It was a one-bedroom apartment in one of the older buildings around, but it was clean and spacious, having both a full kitchen and living room.

I didn't even ask her if she wanted a glass, I just opened the bottle of wine, poured her a full glass and got myself a cold one. I told her we'd probably be more comfortable in the living room so she followed me in there. I put her on the couch and I sat in the chair directly across from her. Silence again. It looks like neither one of us had any idea how to start.

"A nice place you've got here," she said looking around the room.

"It suits me for now, but I'll probably move closer to my folks now that I'm out of school."

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out. "I'm sorry Steve, I listened to a bunch of people who I thought were my friends, but in the end didn't know shit about me or my life. You've got to believe that I NEVER cheated on you up until that night no matter what you think. There may have been a little grab ass and stuff like that, but I never did anything. I just need you to know that up front."

"Becky I wanted to believe that, but with what little I saw, you can see how I had doubts. Even with what you call grab ass, I wouldn't have been comfortable with. But I guess you knew that already." 

"Steve, I just got angry and I never got over it. We had such a great life, and I had all these big plans but in an instant they were all gone. I blamed you. Hell, I hated you for what happened. I was no more ready for motherhood than the man in the moon. Even at twenty-two I was still a spoiled and immature brat. I wanted to enjoy the whole college experience not spend night after night up with a colicky baby. I don't know how many nights I sat in that rocking chair cursing you and Danny, wishing I could have just one do over in my life, but as you know, do overs don't happen in the real world."

"Why didn't you say something? We could have gone to counseling. Hell, you could have gone yourself to someone to address all those anger issues instead of pushing me to the side and trying to run away from something that could have been resolved with a little work."

"Like I said, I listened to the wrong people, the people you told me I couldn't see anymore. They told me that I'd be on easy street. You would give me child support, alimony, and make all the house payments. With my parents help I could finish school and have it all. I know now I was delusional, but it sounded so good back then when all I had was stress and was just so tired all the time. When it all blew up in my face I realized for the first time what I was doing, and I tried to back track. I, not anyone else, put together that plan of us living together. I figured I could still have it all."

"Becky, I knew from the start it wasn't going to work. I was still too much in love with you. It did nothing but hurt me living under the same roof, but apart from you."

"Steve, those last couple of months together were the best we'd had in well over a year. Do you remember how we use to laugh and interact? We were like a family again."

"You forget we still had the divorce hanging over our heads."

"I didn't forget. Whether you believe it or not, I was about to stop it completely until that stupid night. I figured that we, along with Danny, were older and we deserved another shot at happiness. What happened with Kevin wasn't suppose to happen. I wasn't even attracted to him. I guess the combination of alcohol and not being with anyone in such a long time proved to be too strong. All I remember was starting to kiss and the next thing I knew he was between my legs. I can't say I didn't enjoy it because I did or I at least did at that moment. I didn't think about what I'd done until just after he left and then it sunk in. I prayed that you were either still gone or dead asleep. I found out later you were neither."

"You killed any chance we had that night. Do you know what it was like for me to lay down on my bed knowing you were making love to someone two floors above me? It took everything I had not to run upstairs and kill you both in what use to be our bed. I died or what was left of me died that night. If you hated me, I hated you ten times more back after that night. I wanted you to hurt, I wanted you to feel the pain you had put me through. You were no longer my wife, just some stupid slut who didn't have the courtesy to at least wait until our divorce became final before spreading her legs for the first guy who came around." I was now angry all over again. It still hurt like a hot coal in my gut that no amount of alcohol or time could put out.

"It wasn't love making, it was sex. I hadn't made love to anyone since the last time we did it together. I'm human. I had needs. All you ever had to do was ask and I would have shared my bed with you in a heartbeat, but you never did."

"Share your bed? You were divorcing me, for Christ's sakes. And, why in the hell should I have had to ask? You were the one that started this fiasco. How in the hell could I have known that you wanted it? I was trying to rebuild our marriage and you on the other hand were playing a fucking mind game without bothering to tell me. So, if you're saying it was my fault, like everything else in our marriage, you can kiss my ass." This wasn't going well.

"All right, all right I fucked up big time." She screamed at me. "WE fucked up big time. So where do we go from here? Do we hate each other until the day we die?" She asked, looking for my reply.

"Becky, what do you want?"

"You. To try again once more."

"Not going to happen. Too much time and way too much hurt to go back."

"Who said go back? We could start again, maybe slower this time around? Look, I don't have a clue if we'd last even a day or two but I'd like to try. Make a fresh start without any expectations or pressures."

"Like I said before, I don't think we'd have a chance in hell of making it, maybe before but not now."

"Will you at least think about it?" 

I told her I would but not to get her hopes up. We talked, or should I say she talked, for the next hour before I took her back to her parents' house. My brain was busting at the seams. I needed time to think so I went for a little drive. Hell, I went for a long drive trying to at least resolve one issue.

It was just after seven o'clock in the morning, and I was knocking on the door with two coffees in my hand. A sleepy girl opened the door.

"Steve, what are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?"

"I know it's early, but I need to talk to you."

"Steve, this is not really a good time she said looking back into her apartment. Are you staying in town? Maybe we can get together a little later this morning?"

"That's okay," I said handing her both of the coffees. "I knew it was a dumb idea but I had a lot on my mind, which I guess included you. Go back to bed and I'll catch up with you later." I turned around and bounded down the stairs. I heard Amber call out my name twice before I was out of earshot.




Love Wasn't Enough For Her



If you were to call me impulsive you'd probably be right. After two gas and pit stops I found myself outside of Amber's apartment in Atlanta. This was the only other girl I had ever met that made me go weak in the knees. What the hell was I thinking? We had kept each other updated. We talked a little but mostly e-mailed and texted one another. She was happy with her life, but had always told me that before I decided to settle down to at least talk to her. Was she still interested? I guess that was the question I was trying to get answered that night or should I say morning. Sometimes the surpriser gets surprised. I saw it wasn't going to be that easy.

Amber tried to call and text me over the next twelve hours but by the time I finally got home I was whipped. I spent Sunday in bed, alone, sleeping and thinking about my life going forward. I was glad the next day was Monday so I had something other than my own life to think about.

Amber and I finally connected and she informed me that I should have called her in advance instead of just popping in on her. She continued telling me that we were more than just good friends, but we'd never said anything about being exclusive. She really needed to know why I had come up to see her. That was the ten thousand dollar question now, wasn't it? I apologized and told her it was a stupid stunt on my part, and told her not to worry about it. It was my mom who to put it all into perspective for me. 

I was having dinner at my parents' house three weeks later. Dad had finished and was in the den watching something on the tube while I helped my mother with the dishes.

"Becky still cares for you, you do know that, don't you? And Danny is now at that age where he's starting to ask all the difficult questions as to why the two of you aren't together anymore."

"I guess she'll have to tell him the truth now, won't she?"

"Still have that anger, I see," she said handing me a dirty pot that needed to be scrubbed.

"Do you blame me? She fucked up, not me."

"Steve, Becky was right about one thing, you both screwed up. In your short marriage you ended up living three separate lives. It was you, Becky, and Danny struggling in the beginning. Then it went to you working all the time and going to school, and finally it was her and her own schooling. Nothing was ever what I'd call normal. There was always some type of drama in your lives."

"But isn't that the way life is, Mom? Nothing went according to plan and when things got tough she bailed on me."

"That's not exactly true now is it? She went through the first couple of tough years. Then she supported you when you worked and went back to school. It was only when she went back to school that there was a problem. At that point you two had already started growing apart and she wanted to regain her youth. I'm not saying she was wrong and you were right, or the other way around, it's just my observation. After that though, things got out of hand and the rest is history."

"She cheated on me."

"Steve, the two of you were by all accounts basically divorced and she told me herself that she was drunk. I know that doesn't excuse what she did, but I don't think you can throw any stones when it comes to making stupid mistakes either." She then reminded me how I was the one who started it all. The topic died after that.

There were calls and e-mails from Amber wanting to know how I was doing and although I replied, my replies didn't tell the whole story. Becky was giving me a wide berth. She had spelled out what she wanted and was even seeing a therapist on her own to resolve a lot of her old issues. 

To speak frankly, I could have gotten laid every week. Hell, if push came to shove, I could have gotten laid almost every night. Don't get me wrong, the sex in the past had been mind blowing in most cases, but that's what it was, sex, not love making. I made sure they were more than satisfied and in turn they always found a way to drain me. I suppose I should have been flattered, but it did nothing except complicate matters.

I was just finishing up Friday at work. I had no real plans but told a few of the guys I might join them for a cold one after work when I got her text.

'I'm at your place. How much longer?' It was from Amber.

I should have broken every speed record to get home to what I knew was waiting for me, but I didn't. I picked up a few things at the store and pondered my next move. I would get lucky tonight because with Amber, there was no luck involved. I'd already told her where my hide-a-key was, so I knew she'd be in my apartment waiting on me.

She must have been looking out the window because she was in my arms and in my mouth before I could even shut the door.

"I didn't think you would ever get home," she said, kissing me again with a lot of deep tonguing. "Driving makes me feel grungy. Let's take a shower and we can discuss our weekend while we're in there." 

By six thirty Saturday morning I was lying in my bed, on my back, staring up at a dark ceiling with Amber cuddled under my arm. I'd almost forgotten what a fantastic lover she was.

She opened first one eye then the other. She smiled, kissed me, and then ran for the bathroom. A short time later I heard the flush, the sink, and her prancing across the room in all her naked glory. I think she did a one and a half in the tuck position to get back on the bed and her lips told me that she was awake and ready for action again.

We made love that morning. With our lips joined and our hands intertwined above our heads we gave and took until we both felt one another climax and start to come down. With her eyes still shut and me shrinking rapidly I rolled off her and pulled her in close kissing the top of her head. 

"That was nice," she said snuggling even closer, if that was at all possible. 

The next thing I knew, it was half past ten and I was hungry, but badly in need of a shower first. I pulled a tired Amber out of my bed and dragged her into the warm shower with me. With Amber there is no such thing as a quick shower. Lips, tongues, and hands were all active until the water began to cool. With nothing but cold water left, we bid a hasty retreat and threw on only the barest essentials.

"You hungry?"

"I just had breakfast, what do you have for lunch?" she said smiling as she made coffee.

"Very funny," I said whipping us up some French toast and sausage patties. With breakfast out of the way we relaxed finishing our second cup of coffee.

"You made quite an impression on my boss. She said that you were the first guy that ever turned her down. I figured you'd at least give her a tumble and told her if you did, she wouldn't be disappointed."

"You pimping me out now?"

"Quite the contery, you pimped yourself out, she just took advantage of it. Shelly's in great shape isn't she? She and her husband own three gyms in the Atlanta area and are building another one just outside of Athens. They're great bosses. Now, why the surprise visit? Were your hormones acting up and you needed a little release only the way I can give you? You do know you scared the shit out of the guy I was with. He thought you were a jealous boyfriend and that he was dead meat." She laughed.

"Just hitting a fork in the road and needed to look at the map to see where I'm going." Amber looked at me kind of strange and proceeded to update me on her life.

She was in school getting her degree in exercise science along with revamping all the classes being taught at all the facilities. She loved her high paced life and the nightlife Atlanta offered. Amber had her life all planned out and it appeared that she had her head and ass wired together. She knew what she wanted and exactly how to get it, at least on paper that is.

"Steve, you know there are a ton of good jobs in Atlanta. I know you could find one that probably would pay you a lot more than what you're making now. Besides, you wouldn't have to drive seven hours to get the quality booty call you deserve." She kissed me again.

We spent Saturday talking and catching up. She still made me weak in the knees. That night she outdid herself. By the time the energizer bunny was done with me I was a pool of sweat, drained of every bodily fluid I had in me. 

"I'm still the best, aren't I?" I just nodded in agreement, pulled her in close and went to sleep. Life was good for the moment.

She tracked me down in the kitchen just after nine o'clock. Breakfast was made and I had waited for her to get up before starting to eat.

"Damn, I could get use to this type of treatment in a hurry," she said grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down next to me at the breakfast bar. "I need to get out of here by at least noon. It's a long drive and I hate doing it in the dark."

We had a nice breakfast together and by ten o'clock we were in the shower together. We ended up against the back shower wall kissing and exchanging spit and tongues until, again like yesterday, we ran out of hot water.

"Your turn next time she said getting her stuff together getting ready to leave. Give me a couple of weeks and then come up. If you come up on Friday I'll show you around the town, maybe you can set up a few job interviews," she said with a hopeful tone in her voice. 

When I started to say Amber, she stopped me flat.

"No, I don't want to hear it, do you hear me? We can make this happen, I know we can." She knew what I was going to say already. "Seven hours, it's not that damn far. I can be exclusive knowing I'm going to see you every other week. We can make this work." I held her and just wanted to cry.

"I think the world of you and maybe love you but I just can't. My son and family are here and I can't leave them, not yet anyway. You've got plans and are nowhere near ready to settle down just yet. Maybe in a couple of years, who knows?" For the second time in my life I had that hollow feeling in my gut. It wasn't just the sex, which was amazing; it was just so easy being with her.

"Steve, let's just give ourselves some time. Let's not write this off just yet. I told you to keep me on the top of your list and I still mean that. Hell, you're not running away to get married tomorrow, are you? Give it time, that's all I ask." She wasn't taking no for an answer.

I walked her to her car, kissed her, and told her to drive carefully. I threw her bag in the back seat and with a rib crushing hug and another couple of kisses she was gone. I died a little bit more that morning but realized that I couldn't change my life to suite everyone else's needs. I had to live my own life not someone else's.

I gave up my second job and found an apartment close to my parents' house. Right now I am concentrating on putting my life back in order. I set my priorities, which became family, and then work, and life went on. I made sure I saw Danny at least a couple of times a week, and instead of hiding from Becky anymore I faced my anger and got rid of it. Becky is still looking at starting over with me. We have gone out together a few times in the last two months, even as a family.

However, I'm in no hurry to do anything right now and besides Becky has her hands full with Danny and finishing up with school. Will we get back together? I kind of doubt it, something about trust issues but hell, stranger things have happened. Amber? Well she's planning a swing through central Florida in two weeks and has told me to set aside the whole weekend for her. So, I'm working out a little harder at the gym and taking an extra vitamin everyday preparing for her trip. But in the interim, I'm spending Friday night and all day Saturday with Becky at my place. She's calling it a booty call weekend and I'm kind of interested in seeing if she's picked up any new tricks—I know I have.

Have I fully recovered? Not yet. You don't go through a loss like that and walk away unscarred. It still hurts when I think about it, but I no longer drive myself nuts wondering and asking myself 'what if' anymore. I eventually want to settle down and have someone special to share my life with me but I'm not setting any timetable. It'll happen when it happens. Well, I figure that's the way it is suppose to happen, anyway.