256 comments/ 59980 views/ 4 favorites Law of the Heart - Jill's Opinion By: angiquesophie Headhuntertales wrote a story called Law of the Heart. You can read it in Literotica. It was about a young lawyer woman who went to the ten year reunion of her law school, down in Florida. Her husband couldn't make it to go with her. Then his appointment fell through and he decided to surprise her. In "Loving Wives" such surprises hardly ever work out well. This story is no exception. Headhuntertales wrote 6 chapters of the story. Then he challenged us readers to find alternative endings to it. It took me a while, but here is my version. It is quite different from others'. That may very well be because I wrote it from the woman's perspective. And because I think cheating is usually far more complicated than many men choose to make of it. My story takes off at the exact end of chapter 6. Should you read the first 6 chapters? I think it would be wise. Angiquesophie. Law of the Heart -- Jill's Opinion. I am a lawyer. So is my husband. Maybe you don't like lawyers. Well, to be honest, I can see your point. But I still do hope, that you are prepared to hear both sides of a story. That is what lawyers are for, you know. Your may be unmoved in your righteousness where cheating wives are concerned But you must at least listen to the other side of truth. Even if it is from the mouth of a lawyer. ************************************ I am Jill Chandler. I married Jake Roberts and by now I'm fed up with being that. I am sick and tired of being portrayed as the bad guy in his story of so-called broken vows and bleeding hearts. Oh, I'll never deny that I was acting selfish. But I wasn't the only one, you know. There is no reason at all for my sweet husband to take the moral high ground -- he has claimed that lonely place a few times too often. Actually, he has done it as long as I know him. To understand what really happened at that reunion in sweet and sunny Florida, we have to go back quite a few years. We also may have to take a more objective look at Jake Roberts, my husband. One that is less prejudiced than the narrow glimpse he allowed you in his part of the story. You see -- I love Jake. I still do. But that doesn't mean I'm blind to the fact that he is morally color-blind. He only sees black and white. He sees the world in terms of: his side and the wrong side. There is only good and bad, right and wrong. Yes, I know that people admire him for that. As a public defender it makes him a champion of the weak. And rightfully so. He is a good man. His heart is in the right place. And it is clad in reinforced concrete. But away from the limelight he is also the man I live with. He is the man I gave my heart to. He owns it. But please tell me, does owning mean that he should be the one to decide whether and for what it beats? Jake Roberts has a vision and a mission. They are his. He lives for them. I'm sure he'd die for them, given the smallest chance. They are his food and drink, his obsessions. They direct his life. And mine. They so much control us that it borders on the autistic and claustrophobic. I love Jake Roberts. But I refuse to believe that love obliges a woman to empty her brain. If that is what people call unconditional love, count me out. I am proud of my brain. It was the sharpest of my year at law school. And my parents always gave me the sound advice to never stop using it. All this may sound harsh and uncaring. That is not what I am. I am a caring mother. I am a loving wife and have been a loyal confidant through years of poverty and struggle. But I am also a human being. I have needs and dreams. ************************************ Two days before we planned to leave for the reunion, Jake told me he couldn't make it. I wasn't surprised. I expected it. He had a court case for some petty thief. He could have delegated it. But that wasn't Jake. He felt obliged to the small time criminal. He had given him his word, he said. There had been times when I would have told him he had obligations to me too. He knew how much it meant for me to go there and get out of my "mommy-mode", even if only for a short, refreshing breath. However, my belligerent days were over. Too many morally laced defeats had cured me. I even offered not to go either. It had become the polite thing to do. Yes, we had grown to be quite polite with each other. Of course he vehemently refused. Sacrifice is his second nature. He said he'd come over the next day. "No doubt the next, next day," I thought. "If ever." Experience can make one bitter. Jake knew how important this weekend was for me. Ever since the pregnancy and the birth of our son Jake Jr, three years ago, I had been tied down by motherhood. I only saw mothers, children and more children. A trip to the supermarket was a treat. But I shouldn't complain. I'd wanted the child too, didn't I? I never complained. I love the little boy to death. Having him I consider the most significant thing I ever did in my life. For Little Jake my love is unconditional. But once more: it doesn't make me brain dead. There still is me, Jill Chandler. I don't ask for much. Only once in a very long time I need to get out and breath. Jake knows that. He has a one-track mind, but he isn't callous or insensitive. He knew that going to the reunion was exactly the balm my parched soul needed. It was the perfect refueling of my worn out engine. I had been running on empty for too long by then. I yearned to be back where I had been free and uncaring. To think of nothing. To be among the people I had shared my reckless youth with. Just to be young and beautiful and silly again. I knew it was only make-belief -- a sweet southern mirage. It would only last a few days. But right then it was all I needed. Oh, of course: Jake would never deny me. "Go, darling. By all means go, you deserved it." But the petty thieves of this world come first. ************************************ That last evening before I left for Miami, I threw in an ultimate effort to jump-start his autistic brain. There still had to be a connection between his balls and his brain, I thought. It might be atrophied. It might be clogged with the pulp of endless briefs and law books. But I had to try. I had dieted for weeks, worked out and tanned my body to look my best in the beachwear I had shopped for. So, before packing, I showed it all to him: the new blue bikini, the sexy belly shirts, the colorful sarongs. And my new body, of course. Sure, he appreciated it. So did Big Jake, as we playfully call his cock. We made love and it was good. But having sex was only part of the intentions I'd had with the show. I wanted to give him one last chance to change his mind about staying behind. Of course he didn't get it. ************************************ The moment I stepped out of the plane, I felt it. The warm breeze greeted me with a million sweet fingertips. It made my hair dance. It screamed freedom. Boston had been cold and drizzling. It urged one to crouch and protect one's inner warmth. Miami opened me up with the touch of a magic wand. From the first second it hurled me back to the twenty one year old girl I had been here. It straightened my back. It relaxed my muscles and made me push out my tits in reckless defiance. Thank God for the busy-ness of the airport. It forced them to use the old fashioned stairs and a shuttle to the arrivals' hall. Nothing feels as glamorous as walking down those roll-on stairs, straight into the glorious sunshine. Little things can mean a lot to a starving heart. Sally waited for me at the exit. It had been almost a year since I had seen her in the flesh. And yes, she had added to it - not miserly either. I remember how we fought the extra pounds in our law school days. She did it for sheer need, I out of loyalty. By now she had given up, it seemed. But her wonderful smile hadn't lost one Watt since we were girls and became best friends. Her laugh was as shamelessly throaty as I fondly remembered. We hugged. Jake doesn't like Sally. I can understand why. Sally is everything he despises. She indulges herself. She lives for the moment and greedily sucks every last joyous drop out of it. She is the irresponsible cricket, where Jake is the diligent ant from the fable. She takes what she needs, which sounds selfish. But she shares. She shares in buckets and spreads her joy. Sally never cared for money or future. And God, I thought, the way we laughed our way through law school. "Where's hubby?' she asked after disentangling herself. I shrugged. She understood. "Come, girl," she exclaimed. "First surprise!" She led me through the exit into the Florida sun. Right at the curb stood a yellow, open sports car. Behind the wheel was Juan Mendoza. ************************************ Of course you know Back To The Future, the movie. Seeing Juan threw me back to the first time I saw him. I was 21 and the sun shone brighter. The air was fresher back then. Sweeter too. There were springs in the soles of my feet. Juan smiled when he saw me - a flash of light in his handsome, tanned face. It worked as a magnet on the corners of my mouth. Smiling back was the easiest thing. It spread a flush of heat through my body. Juan jumped out of his car without opening his door. He rushed around the back and we were hugging before I even knew what happened. His chest felt hard below his open silk shirt. My soft tits pressed into him. His hands were everywhere. Did I compare? His lean, worked out muscles and Jake's pudgy flesh and budding love handles? His golden tan and the sickly white of Bostonian winter? I don't remember. I really don't. But I enjoyed it. "Jill!" Juan exclaimed. His large, warm hands held my face. He caught my eyes. God, was it wonderful to feel so welcome. We kissed. Sally whistled. Juan grabbed my suitcase and stored it in the back of the car. Then he opened the door at the passenger's side. Sally crawled into the back. I slipped into the front seat. We roared off to the resort. I was 21. The wind whipped strands of wild hair around my face. Boston? Where on earth is Boston? ************************************ The resort was everything I had imagined. There were palm trees, a white sandy beach and a sparkling ocean. The room was more like a small apartment - my own little cabin in the tropics. It had wooden blinds, rustically tiled floors and whitewashed walls. An abundant shock of bougainvillea hugged the tiny terrace. I sank down on the bed. I closed my eyes and listened to the racing of my heart. The ride had been exhilarating. Juan drove his little sports car like a smooth eel through the late afternoon traffic. We had to yell our conversation over the engine's roar. We laughed, even sang. We raced like irresponsible teenagers under the deep blue cupola of Florida's spring skies. Juan's hand had been on my thigh. I did push it away. Gently. And not immediately. Our eyes met. I smiled. After taking a shower I dressed in the short sweet summer dress I had bought in rainy Boston. It was a warm maize yellow. It glowed against the hard-earned tan of my chest and legs. As I stood in front of the tall mirror I decided on the number of buttons to leave undone. Then I reconsidered and opened one more. Clutching my purse I walked outside. I'd meet the others, have a nice drink and a lovely dinner. Only when I started closing the door, I remembered. It made my face glow with embarrassment. I sat down on the terrace and got the cell phone out of the purse. My mother's voice seemed to come from another planet. Little Jake's excitement sent a rush up my chest. It was the deep down shame of not having thought of him since I landed at Miami Airport. ************************************ The drinks were exotic. They had all the right colors and the little umbrellas one should expect. They also had the potency to make the head buzz in the most pleasant way. All the good old friends were there. I saw Bill and George and their spouses. Both had been close friends with Jake. And of course I met Steve and Meredith. Steve had been best man at our marriage. They were now a staunch and settled couple. His hair had thinned a bit, her waist had done the opposite. But in their eyes lived the spark of an exciting past we shared. Meredith took me apart to tell me about her and Steve's plan to start a family. She asked me about the two Jakes. And I realized that it wasn't at all the subject I truly wanted to talk about. Drinks helped to rub out the years. Soon we slid back into the ways and manners of ten years ago. Long forgotten words and phrases crept into our conversations. By dinnertime we had all returned to what we had been back then - raucous, free and more than a bit tipsy. When we lined up for the gorgeous buffet, Juan Mendoza somehow succeeded in moving next to me. His identical twin brother Hector stood close behind us. He introduced me to his incredibly sexy blonde trophy wife. Her name was Maria. Barbie might have suited her better. They had married last year. Maria, I had heard through the grapevine, was an ex-Playboy model. She loved to show us why. Her bare legs were endless and deeply tanned. I didn't think her tits were all that real, but they looked spectacular. They almost rolled out of her shining top. Was I envious? I don't think so. During the cocktail-hour I had enjoyed a tidal wave of attentions and compliments. And God, did it massage my mommy-damaged ego. Of course Juan had been around me from the moment he and his brother arrived. They stayed at their yaught in the marina, he said. And I should absolutely come and see it. When we sat down at a table with our plates, he and Sally joined me. So did Hector and Maria. Juan and his brother had always been each other's spitting image. The years had not changed that one bit. Watching Hector made me smile. His boyish pride to show off his newest toy kept him on the brink of explosion. And Maria loved to play along. She did nothing to hide her assets from drooling men and jealous wives alike. God, wasn't it high school all over again? We ate and talked. There was more chilled white wine. And there was Juan Mendoza's hand. I gave up pushing it away after he came back for the fourth time. All the while were having a great time reminiscing. Sally's laugh hung over our table like a sun. The food was delicious. And the wine oiled all the rusty gears of our aging brains. The toes running up my left leg could anatomically never have been Juan's. Especially since his hand was now touching my other thigh, right at the instep of my sexy new thong. By then I didn't care much anymore. Steve rose and held a speech. I am certain he didn't deliver half of what he had prepared at home. But his speech no doubt was twice as funny because of that. We cheered him on and applauded. It gave me the chance to stand up and shake the Cuban attentions off my body. There was coffee. I took the opportunity to walk over to another table. I talked with old friends and forgiven ennemies. There were drinks and music. There was a bit of dancing with Steve and Bill. Then there was eleven o'clock and time to find my bed. I thought it wise to not follow up on Juan's invitation to see his boat. I was 21 again, maybe. I sure felt horny, too. But the mommy inside me still thought she had to be my chaperone. ************************************ That night I masturbated twice. Once on the bed as soon as I arrived back at my cabin. And once under the shower that was meant to calm me down. My fantasies were wild and satisfying. Jake wasn't in them. The embarrassment about that made me try to reach him. I am not sure if I was disappointed not to get him. He hadn't called me. Was I disappointed about that? Still fretting, I fell asleep. ************************************ Breakfast was late and lovely. There were loads of fresh fruit, yoghurt and cereals. And once more there was the company of youthful memories. I had done twenty laps in the pool. I also ran a few miles along the ocean. I felt on top of the world when Juan Mendoza and Sally joined us. Sally virtually glowed. She seemed very excited. The main event of the day would be a luau on the beach at dusk. But before that we would all get on a tourists' boat. It would sail us out onto the ocean and let us do some snorkeling. The idea excited me. I love snorkeling. But Sally shrugged. She said she wouldn't join the pale, dull tourists on that boat. We were supposed to share it with a load of teachers from the north. "Not cool at all, Jill," she said. "Let's go with Juan and Hector. They invited me to their luxury yaught. Come with us, Jill! So much more fun." I looked at Juan. He nodded and smiled encouragingly. Then Sally started to talk me into joining. She also invited Steve and Meredith. They hesitatingly accepted. I looked over at the group of teachers. They assembled on the patio that adjoined the breakfast room. They were a rather drab lot indeed. I grinned. "What the hell," I said. "Why take the school bus if there is a Ferrari waiting?" ************************************ Well, you know what happened. You read what Jake saw. But did he see what he thought he saw? True, we had a lot of fun. And that's what it was, fun. There was booze and pot. Sally got topless. She said she always tanned topless. And we were not on a public beach, were we? Besides, we were 21 again, remember? We were drunk and high. Even stalwart Meredith shrugged and tossed her bikini top on the table. Hector's Barbie wife hadn't bothered to wear one to begin with. I can imagine why Jake made of it what he did. He was hot and tired by the time he arrived. He was pissed off when they refused him the room. He was disappointed seeing how his surprise plans didn't work out. He always gets a bit upset when he has to improvise. And of course, there were the Mendozas. I had been dating Juan that first year at law school. He was fun, charming and the best looking guy around. He also was rich and generous. His parties were famous. I liked Jake from the first moment I saw him. But he was shy and very, very serious. He worked the hardest of the lot. He came from a poor background and had been awarded a scholarship. He never had much money. But I doubt he would have spent more if he had been wealthier. Most of his time went to studying and the odd jobs he did for pocket money. I never saw him at parties. Even at a game of football or basketball he seemed to keep to himself. He hardly ever stayed for a beer or a barbecue afterwards. Then -- towards the end of the last semester of that first year -- Juan and Hector stole my law review. It wasn't that big a deal. I wouldn't have much trouble coming up with another idea. But the way Juan reacted to my protests turned me off. He never apologized. He just laughed. And in the days that followed he hardly acknowledged me. Maybe, I thought, maybe this was the only reason why he dated me? We had formed small task forces to do our projects. I was in a team with Jake and I told him about the theft. God, I shouldn't have. The next day I heard Jake had been beaten up by Juan and his brother. He had confronted them with the theft of my review. Hector had a black eye to show for it. But of course Jake had had no chance against the joined Cuban forces. Classmates stopped the fight. Jake ended up with a lot of bruises and a disjointed jaw. That is when I fell in love with him. Jake always avoided the brothers after the fight. Being loyal I stayed away from them too. Not because I nursed a grudge about the theft. The whole thing was soon all but forgotten. Juan was Juan, I admitted. A lot of fun, but a spoilt stud. Nothing to spend precious time on. Law of the Heart - Jill's Opinion Besides, I was very much in love with Jake. There just was no room for other things for a while. My loyalty would never allow me to openly "betray" him by seeing his "enemies". I missed the parties, though. I missed the nighttime skinny dips and beach barbecues. The fun weekends at sea. The silly, empty headed good times. Jake shunned the rich in principal. He frowned on their "shallow" ways as he put it. I admired him for his backbone. But I missed the parties. I wasn't a virgin when I came to Florida. I wasn't a slut either. But I had a healthy interest in sex. I flirted. I loved the attention. And it aroused me no end. I slept with the Mendozas in that first year. True, at first I thought it was only Juan. I was amazed by his virility and stamina. Until Sally told me the truth. I am still grateful she did. I was very much under way to fall for the incredible sex. The intensity of it and the sheer number of orgasms. But after I knew their secret, I stopped sleeping with them. The stolen review was just a welcome pretext. And the incident with Jake was the definitive way out. But I still missed the parties. Jake doesn't know. In our last year I went to a number of beach parties, barbecues and boat trips. Sally was there and some of the richer classmates. And the Mendoza twins, of course. None of the partygoers had Jake's sympathy. Funny thing is that most of them hadn't mine either. With the exception of Sally. I just needed to get out. I needed the breath of fresh air. The empty minded relaxation after the hard work. Funny, when I look back at it. Weren't those the same reasons I had for going to the reunion? As far as I'm concerned, nothing sexual ever happened at those stolen parties. I never fucked anyone. There was flirting and some petting. And a lot of drunken kissing. But I never let anyone fuck me. I loved Jake. I still do, I guess. ************************************ So we smoked and drank and danced half naked on that boat. Then Juan played hard to get with my top, right before we sailed into the marina. A sudden move of the boat drove my bare tits into his chest. The blue little top disappeared into the waves. In the haze of our high it was all great fun. We went off the boat. My skin glowed with the excitement and the sun. So did my head. I forgot all about my rings. I had taken them off not to lose them while snorkeling. Psychologists might find more reasons. But it is true that I never missed them until later. I don't remember seeing anyone on the dock. We were laughing about the afternoon fun. Only when we reached the resort, I got pissed about the lost bikini top. I realized it was the only hot bathing suit I had with me to wear to the luau. So I grabbed Juan and told him to buy me a new one. He owed me. He grinned in a good-natured way. "Only if I can take it off later!" he chuckled. At the boutique he urged me to choose an almost non-existent piece of see-through strings. Although the arousing afternoon hadn't quite left my system yet, I gracefully declined. But his choice definitely moved the boundaries of my shyness. Never in my Boston life would I have taken the little yellow number I decided on. And as time became short, I didn't even try it on. I left Juan to pay for it and hurried to my room. "Don't I even get a kiss?" he called after me. I stuck my tongue out. ************************************ The luau was at the beach. I went there after showering and donning the new bikini. I had never worn one as small and flimsy. It left me giddy with delicious nervousness. Luckily I had the belly top and sarong to cover it. I phoned my parents and Little Jake. I asked about Jake. They told me he had called. He was still in Boston and couldn't make it. Maybe not even tomorrow. A flash of disappointment hit me. But I wasn't surprised. I tried his cell phone without success. ************************************ It was already dusk when Steve, Meredith, Sally and I arrived at the luau. A small forest of tiki-torches created a circle of living light in a small grove of palm trees and bamboo bushes. It opened to the beach and the calm, dark sea. A full moon sailed the skies. There was food and fruit and drinks. Most of my classmates were there already. The Mendozas and their blonde prize pussy arrived at the same time we did. Juan immediately claimed me. He wanted to see "his" bikini under my top and sarong. I retorted with a joke. We laughed and he took me to the food bar. That's when I saw Jake. Of course it couldn't be him. The trial would only just have finished by now. Besides, he had told my parents he was in Boston and could not make it. Nevertheless, my heart leapt when I saw him at the edge of the torch light. But when I did two steps in his direction, he disappeared into the dark. I shook myself free from Juan's arm to go investigate. There was no one to be seen. It confused me. I was sure I had seen a man. I was certain it had been Jake. But if that was true, why didn't he come to me? Why disappear? And why lie? I shook my head. Could it have been an illusion? It must have. Juan asked me if something was wrong. I just stared at him. Then I shrugged and joined the group at the food tables. ************************************ After some of the finger food we had a few cocktails. A salsa band started playing and the atmosphere got excited. A few couples took the floor and danced. Everything was perfect. The black velvet sky was strewn with stars. The surf whispered. The air felt balmy, the music was sensual. People laughed. There were more great memories and sweet drinks to share. But I didn't get into it. My eyes roamed the darkness around us. Twice I thought I saw a glimpse of someone circling our gathering. I felt eyes watching me from the dark foliage. Goosebumps crawled up my spine. Then Juan pulled me onto the sandy dance floor. I love dancing. Boston and childbirth have left me rusty. But the pounding Latin beat and the enthusiasm of my classmates pulled me through. So did Juan. A rush of hot sensuality shook my body. It left me exhilarated and I started following his expert lead. Close to us Hector danced with his playmate. She was very good. Her hips seemed liquid. Her tits shook inside her top. Then she suddenly ripped it off her body, throwing it into the air. Soon her blue shorts followed. A wild cheering washed over us. It drowned me like a refreshing rain. It felt good. Maria's bikini wasn't more than a set of strings. Her flesh shone with sweat in the light of the torches. Hector's hands ran all over her body. So did Juan's over mine. At first I tried to escape them. But he only danced closer. What the hell, I thought. A salsa is a salsa. Tonight is the night. The beat, the music and the yelling overwhelmed me. I danced with closed eyes. My arousal fed on the wild movements of my body. The world around me was a whirlwind. Then the sarong slipped off my hips, down my thighs. I looked down. Juan held the sarong in both hands. He see-sawed it over my butt and thighs -- pulling me closer, then letting me escape. It felt glorious. I playfully pushed him away when he got too bold. We laughed. We flirted and challenged. God, was I ever this young? Then I saw Jake again. This time I knew it was him. His face was in the light. It was covered and uncovered by the cheering crowd. But I now knew for sure. My heart stopped. But I was torn away by my dance partner. The next moment the face had gone. Juan had pulled off his shirt. Now my hands were slipping off his sweaty chest as I still pushed him off. I danced on, but my concentration slipped. Where was the face? I searched the crowd. Then a huge cheer made me turn around. Maria had thrown away her skimpy top. Her huge and perfect tits swayed and bounced on the beat of the music. A gap in the circle once more revealed Jake. He just stood there. He never looked at the naked woman. His eyes were on me. What did he want? Why didn't he move? "Get me!" I screamed without words. I started to really struggle away from Juan's advances. But he pulled me closer. I felt his raging erection against my belly. "Jake!" I gasped. The sound drowned in the cheering. What held him away? Why this apathy? Come here, I begged. Hold me. I am yours… He just stood and watched. He never moved. How long had he been here? Why this secrecy? Why the lie about still being in Boston? A turmoil of feelings drowned me. My brain buzzed. My vision tunneled. An alien thought entered my overheated brain. Was this a game? Was that it? Did he want me to challenge him? Tease him? Jake? That wasn't at all like Jake. Was it? Look at him there. Just standing, watching. No expression on his face. My confusion about his attitude dissolved into a new feeling. I felt hot and dizzy. The drinks and the dance had made me incredibly horny. And then here was my husband, obviously wanting me to go on teasing him, flirting, dancing dirty. Did he? Well, what else should I make of it? The new feeling grew into a hot and sizzling rage. Each flowing salsa move ground a new level of anger to the surface. It made my heart pound. "Goddammit….Jake! If that is…what you… want of me…here! Take it!" The words screamed inside my skull. They followed the beat of the music. My hands writhed down my sides like snakes. Then they wriggled back up. My fingers grabbed the hem of my shirt and I pulled it over my head in one flowing movement. Soon the bright green top lay trampled under my feet. A cool breeze licked at my exposed skin. It felt so sexy. My nipples tightened. I screamed in abandon and made my tits bounce to the rhythm. A choir of fans echoed their approval. Jake had disappeared again. But I knew he was still out there in the dark. Ogling me. Drooling? Gloating? What Jake was this? Was this my love? The father of my child? This sick voyeur? This…creep? Ice cold disappointment seeped through my glowing arousal. I danced on. My body gyrated, only clad in the scanty strips of my new bikini. But my heart was cold. Every move from now on was to inflict hurt. Oh…I'd make him feel sorry for this. I'd put jealousy into those sick eyes in the dark. I danced wilder and closer. I moved my crotch into Juan's hip. I rested my head on his shoulder for a second. My hands were all over his slick skin. I touched the bulge in his shorts. My eyes sent fire bolts into the darkness where I knew Jake must be. One hand rested on Juan, the other waved over my head. I made a series of wild bouncing movements. One tit slipped out of the top. Cool air hugged it. The crowd cheered. With a piercing shriek I shook the exposed flesh. I wasn't in a hurry at all to put it back into the bikini-top. Then, after I did, I grabbed Juan's hand. I made a small curtsey to my screaming fans and told him I was thirsty. One last look showed me a glimpse of Jake's face in the bushes. It was a wooden mask. I shrugged and turned to pick up my top and sarong. Then I hugged Juan. We went for a drink. ************************************ The drink cooled my rage. But the embers kept glowing. I stepped away from Juan and the others to peer once again into the darkness that surrounded us. What on earth had come over him? I was here. I was his. Couldn't he see how hot I was? What held him back? I knew the lights of the torches made me stand out against the darkness. I prayed for Jake to come out and join us. To at last claim me, take me in his arms. But no one came. The party seemed to peter out. Most guests walked back to the resort. I saw Hector and his half naked babe walk over to the hot tub at the back of the grove. Sally went there too. She looked quite tipsy and leaned on the arm of an old class mate. I knew him from our long-gone weekend parties. "Come on, Jill!" Juan urged. He pulled at my arm. I hesitated. Once more I looked around. There was nothing out there. The anger returned. I let Juan pull me to him and together we walked up to the hot tub. The water was great. We had all stripped to our bathing suits. Only our heads were over the bubbling water. My mind started to float. The drinks, the sexy dancing, the hot water, the rage over damn Jake - it all blended together. It mixed into a blanket that slowly sank down, smothering my madness. When smooth, strong hands started to massage my bare shoulders, they rubbed away my confusion. Goddammit. Why should I care anyway? Sally handed me a glowing joint. I shook my head no with a smile. She insisted. I took a drag and held it. The kneading hands lowered to my tits. Oh God… A sweet and relaxed silence prevailed. Only the gurgling of the water and an occasional moan was heard. I sighed. Then I emerged from the floating bliss. It had been enough. Game over, Jake. Enough of this sick little game. I rose from the water and announced that I was going to bed. Sally protested. So did my nipples. And my glowing pussy. But I grabbed my beachwear and wished them all a good night. Enough is enough, guys. After a few steps I felt Juan's arm around my waist. Ah, enough, I thought. Enough I said. No more flirting. Stop playing, Jill. Stop playing, Jake. Please come get me. My God, I need you. Juan whispered into my ear. I couldn't help chuckling. My 21 year old hormones felt flattered. "Enough" could wait for just another minute, I mused. Let's give Jake his dirty money's worth. We walked up the path to my little cabin house. I saw a dark silhouette following us. It fled from tree to tree, never getting closer. What the fuck are you waiting for, Jake? What more do you want me to do? Irritation overwhelmed me. How far did he mean to push me? It was his crazy behavior that had forced me to challenge him. I teased him on the dance floor. I went a step further in the hot tub. Wasn't that enough? Don't make me do more, Jake. I feel too horny. We may both end up regretting it. Juan pulled me closer. Our shadows became one as we walked on. I turned my head away to peer into the bushes. Why did Jake let Juan go this far? Why did he still stay back, still watch from the dark? This was way past being fun. I stopped right there. A sickening thought invaded my buzzing head. Could it be that he..? No… not Jake. God no! My Jake would never want me to… I shook with an ice cold shiver. Did I know Jake at all, after all these years? Did I really? I had to know. I turned and hugged Juan. My head was on his shoulder now. His skin was warm against my cheek. He smelled of almond oil. "You owe me, honey," he said. "Remember?" His hand flipped the bikini strap off my shoulder. He kissed the bare skin. Once more I looked back into the night. I saw a stalker melt into a shadow. A sick, gloating stalker. Was this my man? The father of my child? I felt disgusted. I took a deep breath. Then I smiled at my companion. "Yes, Juan," I said. "I owe you. Come." I opened the door to my room and pulled him inside. I threw one last glance into the darkness. Then I closed the door. ************************************ I watched my hands shake. Oh yes, I may have felt dizzy and confused. But my body wasn't fooled one second. It shook with the forbidden excitement of it all. But my Boston conscience did not yet succumb to the hot and irresponsible tropics. Somehow, getting alone with Juan sobered me up a bit. He grabbed me as soon as we were inside. But I pushed him away. I smiled and told him to be patient. "I need a shower first, honey," I said. I poured a glass of wine for him and went to the bathroom. He didn't like it. His shorts made a nice tent and I knew which of his heads did the thinking. But I had to give Jake a last chance. I even thought I believed that. I had decided to fight off the Cuban macho long enough for Jake to storm through the door and end the silly charade. I had not locked the door. I stripped and threw my scanty outfit into a corner. I stretched my body, it felt good. The shower was a blessing. I thought I heard the water sizzle on my overheated skin. God, did my pussy drool for a cock. Then the glass door opened. I turned around and gasped "Jake". But of course it was Juan. He was naked. An almost painful looking erection reached up to his belly. "Dammit, Jill," he groaned. "Enough of this godawful teasing." He pushed me against the tiled wall and kissed me hard on the mouth. I screamed "No!" It gave him the opportunity to dash his tongue between my lips. His hands were on my tits. My hard nipples slipped and slid between his fingers. He pushed me hard. I felt his cock poke into my belly. The hot water pounded on our heads. Then his mouth left mine to suck down my throat. My scream rang over the sound of the water. I tried to struggle free, but by now he pinned my arms against the tiles. My nipples were sucked and bitten. A wave of electrical currents spread from them. Weakness invaded my legs. I murmured Jake's name. Then his mouth reached my clit. Not a minute later my first orgasm gushed into his face. It broke my resistance. I sank to my knees and took in his cock's head. His shaven balls were in my hands. My lips felt the throbbing of his veins. Then he pulled me off his hard flesh. He turned me around, spread my legs and smashed his cock straight into my wide open cunt. Jake never interfered. His face was blotted out by my second orgasm. ************************************ After we both came, we took it to the bed. Juan recovered as fast as I remembered. We did a luxurious 69 to get us ready for another round of nice and stretched out fucking. I loved his stamina. It allowed me three wonderful climaxes before he once again filled me with his sperm. Then we relaxed with a glass of wine. Juan told me I had been a fool choosing "that wimp" over him. I closed his mouth with a finger. "One more word about Jake, Juan," I said. "And you are out." He grinned and dove his head between my tits. I moaned. His mouth was al over my skin. It made me arch with desire. We once more fucked. Then I must have dosed off. When I woke up, I felt a hard cock push against my lips. I looked up and smiled. Would they still believe they fooled me with their little trick? When my lips sank down the vigorous shaft, I saw the tiny tell tale birthmark right next to the root of his cock. I touched it with a fingertip. "Mmmmmm…" I murmured. The head slid over my my tongue to reach the entrance of my throat. ************************************ A beam of sunlight touched my face through a crack in the shutters. It tickled my skin. I opened my eyes. Hector had left. I was alone. I moaned and covered my eyes with my hands. Guilt, of course. Remorse? A hangover, surely. I sat up and shook my head. My body felt sore, like after a good workout. With the addition of a really stretched pussy. And yes, a long forgotten sensation in my ass. I felt sticky all over. The shower got rid of my gluey souvenirs. A thorough douching cleaned at least the lower reaches of my openings. My mouth tasted awful, even after brushing and gargling. Ah well…it had been worth it. The thought made me wince. Had it been worth it? Should I even think like that? And if so, exactly worth what? I let myself slide down the slippery tiles to just sit under the warm, pounding rain. At last Jake returned to my thoughts. All of yesterday night seemed like a dream. Had Jake really been out there? Had he seen it? And just let it happen? Law of the Heart - Jill's Opinion If so, where was he now? He never intervened. I shook my head in disbelief. It couldn't have been him. He'd never have allowed it. I rose and dried myself. That's when I realized I missed my rings. I had left them on the boat. Damn. I phoned Sally. After an eternity I got her voicemail. She must still be sleeping. I didn't have the Mendozas' numbers. I slipped into a bathing suit, a blouse and shorts. I went outside. The sun was already high. People were gathering around the distant pool. No Jake, of course. I hurried down to the dock. The Mendoza boat was gone. One of the Marina's people told me they had left very early. They didn't say if or when they'd return. Damn. I went up to have breakfast. There were only a few of our reunion around. I sat with Steve and Meredith. They looked as fresh as dew. I fear I wasn't very talkative. ************************************ This last day of the reunion was all about relaxing, really. Some went shopping. I didn't feel like it. The day would end with a good bye dinner. Most would leave early the next morning to catch their planes home. I felt alone. I missed Jake. We hung around the pool. We swam a bit. And we tanned a bit more on the beach. We talked about the luau and I got a few uneasy compliments for my "interesting" dance act. I tried to laugh the embarrassment away. It seems the Mendozas had left for a family function. Sally came down to the beach around noon. She looked devastated. But her smile was intact. She nudged and insinuated about the night before. I told her nothing. Reunions were for the sharing of memories. No need to make those include recent adventures. I did inform her about the rings, though. She had the cell phone number of Juan, but he never answered. So I implored her to go after the rings as soon as she could. She should send them up to Boston at once. Sally grinned. "Such important rings," she chuckled. I gave her a very dirty look. It only made her laugh louder. ************************************ After breakfast I had phoned Jake on our home number. A huge sigh escaped me when he answered. So he was in Boston after all. What did they put in those cocktails yesterday to give me hallucinations like that? He told me he wouldn't be able to make it. He had been to the airport, he said. But he'd become sick. He still was. He asked if the reunion was a success. I told him yes. I also told him I missed him. Then he asked if it was romantic. Jake never uses that word. I tried to imagine what it might mean. Then I said it was all lovely and beautiful. We should soon have a holiday here, together. I meant every word of it. He then gave me Little Jake. His tiny voice almost made me cry. Jake didn't return to the phone. He just hung up. ************************************ I stared at the endless ocean. My ears blocked Sally's irritating chit chat. I shivered. Ever since the phone call I had been between two feelings, both bad. Should I feel relieved that Jake could not have been around, last night? If he had been, I had to face being married to a creep. But if Jake had not been the stalker, if he had not been the silent watcher that enraged me so much, I was even worse off. I had no excuse for fucking the Mendozas. I gasped at a new thought. Had I invented Jake's presence? Had I conjured up some devious way to ease my mind? Just so I could convince myself it was okay and grab what my body screamed for? Make it so that it wasn't cheating? Sure. His spying had outraged me. I had been disgusted by the sick encouragement he seemed to give me. But how could I ever have thought Jake would do a thing like that? My Jake would have walked in and surprised us all. He would have known it was all silliness and flirtation up to then. On the boat and on the dancefloor. My Jake would have known it was just that. He would never have just…stood there...gawking? Drooling? Oh, God. I rose and excused myself. I never made it to my room. I bought a huge bottle of mineral water to flush the taste of vomit from my mouth. I needed a drink. ************************************ I drove home from Logan Airport on Sunday morning, I was glad with the cold and drizzling Boston weather. Al the way up I had feared facing Jake. But the sunny, hot memories of Florida were in such contrast with this everyday, gray city that it at once turned the whole weekend into a dream. A distant mirage. It almost turned the Jill of Florida into a different person altogether. The welcome was a perfect let down. Jake didn't even kiss me. He just left me standing and ran to the toilet. I heard him retch. At least Jake Junior was overjoyed to see me. He never stopped telling me about all the things my parents had done with him. I hugged and kissed him. For a minute I knew all was well. Looking back I should have known Jake's sickness was mostly an excuse to avoid me. At the time I thought it was real. I felt sorry for him. He had cleaned the house and ordered pizza, even if he couldn't eat it himself. He never gave me a chance to thank him. The next morning he had already left for work when I rose. Strange, I thought. I would have assumed he'd call in sick. I phoned him at his office. His voice almost bit my head off. "What do you want?" he growled. I was taken aback. Then I told him we hadn't seen each other since last Thursday. He responded in the oddest way. "I am surprised you want to see me at all!" he said. A sick feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I protested his tone. I really felt offended. But it got worse. He almost spit into the receiver. "Jill, I am not ready to talk about your trip to Miami and who YOU SAW and who SAW YOU at the reunion!" The sick feeling spread. My voice was hardly more than a whisper. "Jake…did…did someone call you from Miami?" He just slammed his phone down. I sat and stared to the phone in my hand. A maelstrom of possibilities washed through my mind. Had Steve called him with stories about the dancing, the topless fun, the hot tub? Would that be enough for him to act this way? Or did he hear more? I called him again. He didn't answer. I worried. ************************************ That evening Jake was late. He also smelled of liquor. It was all very much out of character. He'd never miss dinner with Jake without calling. After I took the boy to bed, we talked. I wanted to know why he was acting so horrible. He took offense of that. "Where are your rings, Jill?" I had suspected that question, of course. I told him about taking them off for swimming and forgetting them. Sally would send them up. Once more it seemed odd to me that he was not only upset, but that he tried to control it so hard. Just for those damn rings? "I see no reason to be such an ass about that, Jake," I said calmly. Then I saw he wasn't wearing his wedding ring either. I commented on it. He opened his collar and showed his ring on a string of leather. "I'll tell you what Jill," he said. "When you have your rings on your finger, I'll put mine back on. Is that fair?" The whole conversation left me confused. So he was jealous. And maybe pissed off that I'd had fun while he hadn't been part of it. He changed his tack to Sally, asking how she was. Then he asked if Sally had led me into any trouble in Miami. Like forgetting I am married. It shook me and I guess it showed. He covered it up by presuming he had meant losing the rings. He then gave me another dig about me not ever hurting him, of course. I rose at that. I said this whole conversation didn't take us anywhere. I went to bed. He didn't follow me, but went to the spare bedroom. It almost made me cry. I called Sally. I urged her to get my rings back. Fast. She just laughed and wanted to know how that lovely night had been. I ignored her. I once more told her to get the damn rings and send them. ************************************ The next morning Jake was all smiles. But at the breakfast table he started prodding about the weekend again. His questions were as leading as a good lawyer's should be. I didn't budge, though. If he hadn't been there, he could not know. If he had been…I didn't care. The thought of Jake having been there spying on me and doing nothing, disgusted me. That in the end he had even urged me on, made the nausea rise. "I'll find it out sooner or later," he said before leaving. He didn't kiss me. It kept me bothered the rest of the day. Not with guilt, but with the foreboding of something worse. That evening he went at it again. He even used words like "confessing". I could scream at him with frustration. Why this torment if he hadn't been there? For if he hadn't, it was all just petty jealousy. If he had not seen it himself, he had no cause to distrust me. Unless Juan….no. I felt a rage grow inside me. I had a hard time controlling it. Then he dropped a calm little bomb. He said he needed to be away for a few days. I asked him why. He just looked at me sadly. He packed a bag and left. On the way out he reminded me to let him know when I retrieved the rings. I just sat there, watching him close the door. ************************************ That same evening I found the rings. Funny enough I did not pick up the photo albums to find our marriage pictures. I first went for the album containing my pictures from law school. The cold reception had made me yearn back to the 21 year old girl I had been this weekend. I also studied the photos of Jake and me. I looked hard to find out if and what we had lost since then. I saw we laughed a lot, back then. But well, they were pictures Don't we always laugh on pictures? When I put back the book, the other album fell out. I picked it up and leaved through it. A shiver went down my back. Did I know these people? So happy, so close. I sighed, starting to put the album back when something fell out of it. They were my two rings, glued together with tape. I had to sit down. The impact of my find hit me in the stomach. Here was proof. I had seen Jake in Florida because he had been there. It was all true. He had spied on me. He had not made himself known, just to see me flirt, dance, kiss. Just to push me on and on. He had never intervened. My Jake was a voyeur, a stalker. He had pushed me into going on. Step by step. Suggesting a game at first. Then turning it into a sordid, rage driven revenge. Allowing me to cross the line. I cried all night. Not from guilt or remorse. I cried because I had lost my love. ************************************ The next morning I rose and saw about Jake. I felt much better. The tears had flushed out the bitterness. I felt lighter and very calm. I now understood Jake's position. He had turned his burning jealousy into a self fulfilling prophesy. His life long hatred for people like the Mendozas had made him blind for the innocent flirting I did that day. From the first moment he had supposed I'd betray him. Then he'd started working on making it come true. He never gave me a chance. Well, I wouldn't either. The game he played these last few days I could play just as well. Maybe better. He wanted me to "confess"? To go down on my knees and show remorse for my "betrayal"? I'm afraid he'd have to wait a very long time. If anyone should confess, it should be him. For spying on me. For goading me along. For lacking in trust and loyalty. I guess he didn't know I saw him down there. Funny how he tried to conceal the source of his knowledge. He must feel shame too. A I knew Jake there must be at least a kernel of doubt about his own actions. Well…I wouldn't release him of that. I used the next days to settle a few things. I also used them to re-asess my closeness with Little Jake, after the long weekend of absence. And most of all I used them to give Jake the impression I did not find the rings. Then I called him at his office. His line was busy, so I left a message. "Jake, I am worried sick. Are you ever coming home? What is the matter? Please tell me what to do. We need to talk and work this out. Little Jake is wondering where you are? Call me." He only called me the next day. I knew why he found it necessary to wait. It just enhanced my determination. I gushed gratitude when he called. It didn't change much of his pedantic righteousness. He at once started about the rings. I almost cried, it was all so small and pathetic. "Why are you so obsessed about my rings?" I asked. "I told you I have asked Sally to find out about them. I think they may have been stolen from the resort. If Sally can't find them then we will have to make an insurance claim." He remained silent. Then I told him again why I had taken the damn rings off. Shit happens, I said. I felt sad about he loss too. But why the fuzz? As if I had taken them off to feel unmarried again? To be free for other men? Is that it? He asked if I had. Knowing what he had done made me so mad that I almost blew it. I must have sounded hurt and indignant. Good. It was how I felt. I guess it was not how he thought I should feel. He once again trumped up all his insinuations. I should think of our great memories, he said. The great times we'd had. The unforgettable moments. I couldn't help grinning, but in a rather sad way. He tried to subtly point to the album and the hidden rings. He sounded like a lost child. He wanted us back, the security of our happy life. He desperately wanted to find a way without losing face. For a few seconds my heart melted. I told him I loved him. Which I did and do. Then my mind returned to what happened in Florida. And all the warmth disappeared. ************************************ Late Sunday afternoon I called him again at the office. His "hello" sounded calm. Some of the anger had gone. Good. "You're there!" "Yes, I am here," he sighed. "Ah. Ehm, Jake… I'll meet you in the lobby of your building in ten minutes, OK?" "Why?" "Please. Meet me there. Just... please be there." "OK." ************************************ I met him in the lobby. He didn't look too well. Then again, he hadn't looked great all winter. I had taken care to look my best. There still was the echo of my tan. I dressed in tied jeans and a lovely white blouse. I had also used some make-up. I needed every advantage I could lay my hands on. When we arrived in his tiny office, I shed the thick winter coat. I know he didn't care how cheap his place looked. I guess he even saw it as proof of his unselfish mentality. I hated the place. I always thought the shabbiness was an inverted kind of vanity. He sat in silence. His eyes were on me. "I have a problem Jake," I said. "I know," he answered. "I do too." I sat straight. "I charged $7,000 last week to our credit cards." He looked puzzled. "Yes Jake. You were so hung up about me not wearing my rings. I ordered duplicates from a jeweler. Exact copies that I could fool you with." "You mean lie to me with, don't you Jill?" "I don't know, Jake. Would you call it that? I just tried to salvage us. I thought losing two rings wasn't worth losing our marriage." I held up my left hand. Both rings shone on my finger. He looked away, out of the window into darkening Boston. "Then I found the originals, Jake." The silence stretched out. "You have known all along, haven't you, Jake? How did my rings get back here?" He looked up. Then he made the one mistake that destroyed all hope. His voice turned cold. The height he looked down from made it almost impossible to still see him. "I am the injured party here Jill," he said. "I will do the questioning. You can ask me questions on cross examination." I should have left. But there were things he needed to know. I objected that this was not a trial. He said it had to be. If he could not be a lawyer, he might be a husband and father. And Little Jake might end up losing a parent. He even insinuated the boy wasn't his. I watched him dig his arrogant grave. It brought tears to my eyes. How could things have deteriorated like this? "Go on Jill," he said. "Make your statement. Give your deposition. But remember you are under a marriage oath. You MUST be truthful. Tell me everything and omit nothing. If you don't, if you lie, then there will be a death of some kind. You might say an execution of relationships... husband/wife, son/father, friends/lovers, maybe even mother/son." Winter's dusk filled the office. My voice was a whisper. I hated the little tremor of emotion. "Jake," I said. "I came here to see who you are." His eyebrows rose in the silence I allowed to fall. "I came to see if you were still worth the effort of restoring our marriage, Jake. And you know, darling…you just blew it." Anger rushed into his eyes. His head turned red and the knuckles of his hands shone white from the tension of balling them. For the first time ever I feared he would hit me. But I had to go on. "Honesty, you wanted," I said. "Truthfulness, remember?" My voice was small, but steady. He rose behind his desk. "Truth, woman?" he groaned through his teeth. "The damn truth is you fucked two men while you were away, knowing I wasn't there! The truth is you betrayed our marriage and my love in front of our friends. The truth is you are a cheating WHORE!" I let the awful word echo through the room. I slowly turned the rings on my finger. Then I looked him in the eyes. They were bloodshot and very angry. "No, Jake," I said. "The truth is you were there. Not only do I know you were there. I saw you. You were there all evening." He sank back in his chair. I dropped my voice even lower. "You were there and you did nothing. You hid like a cheap voyeur. You circled the luau like a vulture, Jake. Oh yes, things were wild at the dance. I hadn't done that for years. I felt free and young again. But it was all innocent, Jake. It was innocent until you soiled it with your dirty looks and intentions. The first time I saw you, I even went after you. But you retracted into the shadows. What was I supposed to understand, Jake?" I was amazed that he kept his silence. I'd expected him to cut into me. To yell at me. That he would scream he had every right to watch if his wife would be faithful in his absence. But he didn't. He just stared, wide eyed. Then it struck me. This was news for him. He never knew I had seen him. He must be thinking back right now. He must be revising what had happened in the new light I shed upon it. As I said, Jake is a straight arrow. But he isn't insensitive. He knew things were different now. Could he jump his shadow? "Jake," I said. "You confused me no end, honey. At first I thought you'd started a game. That you challenged me to tease you. It was so unlike you, but I was hot and horny from the dance and the drinks and all. So I thought: what the hell? If that is what he wants. And I started dancing real dirty. And stripping, like Hector's wife." His hand was in front of his eyes. I moved to his desk to touch him, but he moved back. He stared me in the eyes. "Honey," I went on. "You never came to collect me. You just urged me to work myself into a state and then let me dangle. You made me feel so dirty, Jake." He rose, turned away and went to the window. I saw his face reflected in the dark glass. He looked very pale. "It doesn't matter," he said at last. "You betrayed me." ************************************ In the silence that followed I could hear the clinks and clunks of the ancient radiators. I folded my hands, covering the rings.