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It Started With Not Feeling Good

By: wieliczka



"This is UPS, Ms. Carol McCarthy, you have a delivery."

Standing in the hallway of a $50 a night motel, a UPS delivery person, a Process server and a rep from the Dept of Public Health were waiting. The UPS delivery man had 20 boxes of Carol's clothes and other things. We all know what the Process Server had. There was also a representative from the Dept of Public Health. 

After much pounding on the door and getting the motel manager, the door opened to two shaken people. Mrs. Carol McCarthy, 48, a Pharmacy Tech and her boss, Mr. Bill Ross, 43, had by this time redressed themselves, but it really did not matter. 

In the hallway were Mrs. Joan Ross, 42, Mr. John McCarthy, 51, and the three McCarthy children, Ann, 26, Tom, 25 and Jim, 23. All were holding laptops showing a live feed from any of several webcams active in that hotel room.

The UPS man asked for a signature for the boxes. The Process Server served both of them with divorce papers. And the rep from the Department of Health required them to be interviewed, tested and treated before being cleared to return to work. 

Dr. Ann McCarthy returned Carol's Medical Power of Attorney back to Carol, stating that she would no longer be her physician. 

Tom McCarthy Esquire then stated, "I am representing Mr. John McCarthy and am not be available to represent you. There is an order of protection in place that states that you are not allowed at the house or to have any contact with your husband or your adult children. The motel room is in John McCarthy name and has been paid for the next 5 days. So with your belongings, you should have time to find a place to live. The credit cards have been cancelled, the checking account was closed, but a new account was set up in your name. As soon as you go to the bank to finish the paperwork, the money will be deposited. Half the liquid assets have been placed in it for your use. Are there any questions?"

Jim McCarthy then requested and received his phone back.

==========================================================

It all started when John was not feeling right one week. Something was wrong with his body, and he did not know what it was. The wonderful thing about having a daughter that became a physician, he did not need to wait for an appointment, but just call.

Ann did the normal things that a doctor would do, including blood work. With something from the back of her mind, she ordered a couple more screenings. A door opened when she received the results. Her father had an STD, a curable one, but an STD. 

As a complete professional, she called him in for a follow up visit, and blocked off an hour of her patient time. She put her own feelings to the side. This is what she learned from her father, be professional. 

When he arrived, she sat him down and herself down across from him at a table. "Dad, you have an STD. For public health purposes, we have to find the source of the transmission. I would like you to be completely honest with me. Have you had sexual contact with anyone else besides your wife? Is there any way you could have come in contact with anothers bodily fluids? I am not here to judge or condemn."

There was a look of shock on his face, then one of resignation. "I have not even looked at another person since I asked her to marry me 29 years ago."

She saw his sorrow, she knew where it was coming from. There was a reason she requested the additional tests. "Before we go off the deep end on this, let me get Mom in here. I will not share this with her, but I will test her too. I will have the nurse give you an injection. What you have should clear in a couple of days. Come back in two weeks after your next round trip load to California. Officially, you have a bug of some sort that is contagious."

Ann examined her mother, ran the extended tests and the result was the same. She received a 'booster shot' for her immune system, being careful to not let her see what it was. Carol and John were tested again in a week and were clear. Her father then left to drive his rig to California. Instead of being away only a week, he was able to get some additional runs to Vancouver and Salt Lake City. He returned to the East Coast three weeks later.

Because of the 'bug' that was going around, Carol was tested each week. She was positive for an STD again by the end of that third week, before her husband returned. He returned to a negative, his blood was clear but his 28 year marriage was not.

Carol was always been a demanding and punitive individual. Full of herself, massively opinionated, sometimes cruel and self-centered. John was a truck driver that provided all he could to his family. They put their lives into their kids, and the kids did their parents well. The kids became a doctor, a lawyer and the last was an MBA in finance. He was not able to pay for everything on a truck driver's ticket, but he did all he could.

His children were his pride and joy. He always had a good relationship with them, and they with each other. Ann called a family conference with Tom and Jim. All the kids had their suspicions for years, this was no shock.

The three of them mourned the destruction, but vowed to support their father, only their father. If there was real contrition from their mother, maybe something else would be done. Their job was now to protect their father, emotionally, legally, medically and morally. They came up with a plan. It gave their mother a chance, but there were no guarantees of anything.

John and Carol had $50,000 in savings outside of their 401Ks, in bank CDs. That money would be split three ways to pay directly to the outstanding student loans. This would take it away from their mother's ability to touch it. Each child would repay it to their father when able to. 

The house was underwater, John's car was 8 years old, and Carol has a 1 year old Caddy, in her name and her payments. His 401K had $350K, hers had $125K. There may be a loss there due to the laws of the state.

She works as a pharmacy tech part time and brought in $40K a year. In a good year, John brought in $80 to $100K. No other assets.

The next issue was to find who, how and when she was cheating with. After that, it would be documentation, but first things first. 

A year ago Carol asked for a smart phone, and she got it for Christmas from the three of them. It was still in Jim's name, but the monthly bill came to their parent's house and their father paid it. Jim, as the official owner, will change the billing address. As Jim set up her email and her phone security, more apps will be added to that phone. Tracking and monitoring will begin ASAP. Tom will create the initial diversion and Jim will do the install tomorrow.

Ann will quietly take samples for DNA tests for all five of them. Tom will bring in tech support for monitoring the family house and her car. Additional people to be brought in as needed. John taught his kids to be professional. This was all done without personal emotion, just cold and calculated actions. Emotions have nothing to do with being professional in a business situation.

Their father was brought in a week later as some of the results came in. All the children were his. There would be weekly blood work to monitor and maintain his health. From the smart phone monitoring, Carol was not in any place where she was not expected to be this week, but the emails fully documented her cheating. 

She was cheating with her boss Mr. Bill Ross, the shift's lead pharmacist. They only got together when John left town, and only during lunch as he was married with two kids less than 10 years old. They meet at the local no-tell motel 10 minutes away from their work. May have started when she got the phone, but that was unclear. Discussions with the long term clerk, greased by two C-notes provided much information. The same second floor room is reserved. The first one there pays for it with cash. They just get the key from the front desk when the other arrives. They each drive their own cars. He has a two year old BMW, she has the year old Caddy. There is a liability with the national pharmacy chain that employs them both. He is her supervisor.

Information was needed on Mrs. Joan Ross and her children. It is important to not blind side her and her kids with what happens. Contact will happen when there is graphic evidence to present.

Decision to web cam 'their' hotel room was made and the tech people brought in for a consultation. Multiple webcams recording was suggested and accepted. With the desk clerk's cooperation paid for with another couple of C-notes, the room was 'permanently' rented and the hidden cams were installed in wall decorations. 

John left for another long run to California, and their first documented extramarital sexual relations was made the next day. 

All financial plans were in place, the divorce papers were created and with fed-ex, were sent and received from John in California for signing. Mrs. Joan Ross was then contacted and a meeting was set up.

With a Social Worker on standby, the recording of her husband's infidelity was received with resignation. It had been suspected. She planned to go forward with the divorce. 

All the people that worked on John's divorce planning were used for Mrs. Ross. It took two weeks to organize and complete. By that time, John returned home, but was immediately given a 'new load' to California the same day.

An email suggested meeting at the hotel the next day for 'fun and games'. The trap was set and the two hotel rooms on either side of 'their room' were rented. Carol arrived first and was just given the key. Bill arrived five minutes later and went straight up to their room. It cost a little bit of cash and a couple of well placed phone calls, but the UPS and Public Health Rep arrived after 20 minutes, the Process server was 5 minutes later.

The whole interaction was very professionally done. It was not professionally received. There was crying and promises and explanations from both of them, but their words fell on deaf ears. The two spouses and the three adult children walked silently away leaving the two to blaming each other.

Two weeks later, a meeting was set up with Carol, Carol's counsel, John, John's counsel Tom as well as Ann and Jim. Because of the Discovery requirements, Tom presented the listing of assets. Carol was shocked that the $50,000 was spent. She was offered the house and the equity of her car as well as enough from John's 401K to make them have equal amounts. 

Her lawyer asked for counseling and a trial separation. Carol was crying, and Tom asked her lawyer that his client restrain herself or the meeting was going to be immediately over. This shocked her into submission. At that point, an agreement was made to consider each others requests and to meet in two weeks. John's side left first in silence.

This pattern of meetings went on for over 6 weeks. At that point, a trial date was set over Carol's objections. 

During this time, her one-time boss was fired and a law suit was filed against him by Tom for alienation of affection. A low settlement was offered by the Pharmacy legal department, but was not accepted. Her ex-boss left town after he settled with his wife. He got the clothes on his back and needed to sell the BMW for living money. It appears that this was not the first time he was unfaithful and was caught. 

When the liquid assets were split, it only amounted to $5,000 each. The difference being their salaries, and she was immediately starting to hurt financially. She was forced to sell the Caddy as she could not afford rent and car payments. She worked as many hours as she could. It was difficult being there, everyone knew, but everyone knew before too. Now there was no fear of retribution, but no one was nasty to her.

Each time they went before the judge, another delay was made, postponing the start of the trial. This went on for a year. Generally, it was her son delaying it, sometimes it was her own lawyer. She could not get to the point of asking the judge to consider counseling. 

She learned a lot in that year. She realized that she was a nasty self centered person that threw her weight around when ever she wanted. Because she was now missing her support, every time she did something bad, it came back to hit her. 

Through her lawyer, she requested from John some additional living expenses. Without telling anyone, she used those funds for counseling. She was realizing she needed to fix herself. It was a lot of hard work for her, for anyone. But she kept at it. She even became pleasant at work and got a promotion to team leader. She started to learn how to build things, not just rip them apart. She realized that she needed to start over at 49.

What she did not realize was that the insurance company was sending statements of her medical claims to the holder of the insurance, her husband. Their youngest son Jim was monitoring all expenses and could see who and what type of doctor was providing the services. He needed to see if there were real changes in her.

One day, Carol ran into her son Jim at the grocery store across the street from her therapist's office. He 'accidentally' was there that day. Remembering the order of protection, she apologized and started to walk away. He called her to stop and have coffee. She found out the order was no longer in force and he was willing to speak with her.

He asked her about her life, and without knowing, she let slip that she had been in counseling that day. She said that she was doing much better, that she was looking at her life. That it was difficult, that she damaged everyone in her life. He brought up Ann. Her daughter was pregnant. At that she began to cry and had to walk away.

The next day at her work, Ann showed up at quitting time asking if they could go out for a cup of herbal tea. They talked over three hours. It was not a forced talk, but Carol showed that she was different. She did not ask about their father or other brother. She spoke sometimes about the past, the good, the bad, the rotten things she did that ended her marriage, that damaged her family. For the first time, with anyone but her therapist, she spoke in detail about the affairs she had before. These were the ones the kids had some awareness, but not full knowledge of. She talked about what was going on inside of her then and now. The why of it all, what was lacking in her. She even showed to Ann part of a long letter she was writing to her father, a letter that he would never be getting. Carol said that she realized a long time ago that they would never be meeting one-on-one. Mother and daughter hugged at parting. The first time Carol touched anyone from her family in over a year. Touch from a loved one is precious.

At her next therapy session, her therapist asked her a question. Would she be interested in a group therapy session too? There is a marriage group that meets on Tuesdays. It might help to hear what others say and feel. It was hard on her budget, but she decided to go. Unfortunately, she messed up the room number and arrived 5 minutes late.

After she settled, someone else came in five minutes later. It was John. He took a look around and sat in the only open seat, right behind her. Their eyes met, and only broke when he moved behind her. His eyes were not harsh, or nasty or mean, but questioning and soft.

When the group leader finished her intro, she asked the new members, if they wanted to, to introduce themselves and say why they were there this evening. Carol saw four people on the other side of the room stand up and speak. Two were cheated upon and the other two were having trouble in their marriage. Then it was Carol's turn.

"Hello, my name is Carol. I was a cheating self centered whore of a wife that has been living on my own for over the past year. I was having trouble with life in general and abused anyone that I felt I could. It was all about me, never about us. This cost me my marriage and my children. Just recently, I was able to speak with two of my adult children in a year. My daughter is expecting, we even hugged. I have damaged so many people in my life. I am moving on as best I can, and repair what ever damage I can, but I feel that it is too late." She sat down and sobbed.

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder and heard, "My name is John. I was a husband that was cheated upon, many times. It was only my children that pulled the resources to break away from it, before it killed me. They helped me to kind-of end my marriage, and kind-of not. You see, I am still married but have not spoken to her in over a year. Now my children say that I need to step up to the plate. They normally don't tell me what to do except this time, I need to talk with her, because now I want to." and he sat down. 

Neither Carol nor John was able to really concentrate on the group session. They both waited behind and looked at each other when John suggested a nearby greasy spoon. She countered with a Starbucks for tea, and she was buying.

This was the first of many tea nights after the group sessions. It was a get to re-know your partner. No promises were made, or given, but for the next three months they met afterward and talked. There was an evening where John was not there, but Tom showed up after the group session and they talked and reconnected. 

At the next session, the leader came over to Carol and asked her to join her out in the hallway. "I've just received a message from John a few minutes ago. He does not have your phone number. You've been asked to go to St. Mark's hospital across town, 5th floor, maternity. And here is $20 for the cab I just called. Hurry, go now."

There were three very worried looking people there. Ann's husband was with her in the room. Carol found out that Ann was 8 weeks early and everyone was on edge. The focus of the four of them was on Ann and her husband, not Carol. Hours later, some answers came out. She was fine, the baby girl has some breathing problems, but that is somewhat normal for premature births. They were all called in to the see the newborn through the windows.

While standing there and looking at the child and crying, Carol felt a hand on her shoulder. It was the second time that John touched her. She went from crying to wailing when he hugged her. She could not hug back. She said, "I've been a jerk most of my life with you. How you stand to be around me?"

"Excuse me Grandma, but stop crying in front of baby Carol." Carol was shocked into silence. "We have much more to work out, but would you like to have standard marriage counseling sessions with me now? We have some things we need to work on together."

It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 02



With all the grief I received with the original story, (It was an experiment on my part), I received a request to add additional chapters. I realized that there were only a handful of stories that I read at this website that actually covered a counseling sessions.

If you feel that an unfaithful partner deserves the gates of hell, please do not continue and go onto another story. However, if you feel that a relationship of 25+ years, children, grandchildren can have an effect on people, then please read on. Life and people are messy. 

By the way, I have relatives and many friends in the counseling 'business'. My knowledge has been gleamed from hearing 40 years of nameless and faceless stories of people attempting to better their lives.

*****

Session 1 Martial Counseling

Carol and John were sitting in the marriage counselor's office.

Social Worker: "When you set the appointment, you spoke about your marriage was near divorce because of unfaithfulness. What are you here for today? What do you want to accomplish?"

John: "I'm not sure. Having a grandchild opened me up to talking together. Right now not so sure. Her cheating. It all really hurts."

Carol: "I really fucked up, I've lost so much. I still know that I can never undo what I've done. I want my family back, I don't know if it is possible."

Social Worker: "This is how I work. Everything in this room, everything said is confidential. It does not leave this room unless you both agree. Each person needs to be heard and to hear themselves. We will develop realistic solutions, look at patterns of behavior and look at how your relationship works, or doesn't." 

"In short, what is said in here stays in here. We will listen to one another and ourselves and figure out workable ways to solve our problems. And finally, we need to see how we act and what is triggered in ourselves and the other."

"I will be asking questions of both of you, but I will try to let you both guide where we go. Although sometimes I will over rule if I feel that it is necessary. Any immediate questions?"

Both Carol and John nodded no, then the Social Worker asked John directly, "How did this all come to a head?"

John: "My children took the lead when I found out I had an STD. My daughter is my doctor. They confirmed what I had dreaded. They took the lead in the discovery and the break up too."

"However, upfront they said that I needed to make the decision to end the marriage. I let it ride the past year. Our son, my lawyer kept delaying the divorce until I gave him the go ahead. He never got it from me."

"My youngest son met Carol and found out she was going to a therapist. My daughter spent several hours with her the next day. Ann is pregnant. Having a grandchild on the way changes things for everybody."

"I found out later that my therapist is in the same practice as Carol's and they were authorized to consult with other as they saw fit. They agreed with each other to recommend the marriage group to us individually. I didn't know Carol was going to be there."

Carol: "I didn't know John would be there either. In the new person introductions, I figured I had one shot with John, just one. I thought he would leave as soon as possible. So I just said what I was and what I felt."

Social Worker: "What was that?"

Carol: "I can't remember the exact words, but it included I was a whore."

John said with no anger "Self centered whore, a cheating self centered whore." Carol looked at John in a bit of shock. He continued looking directly at her, "Carol, It was the start of you speaking openly and honestly, not pretending, not hiding. I didn't say this to be mean, I said it was because it was so important to me, that I heard it directly from you."

Carol looked on but not in anger and continued, "When ever I had trouble with life, I abused others to deal with it. I was brutally honest about me, probably the first time in decades."

John nods yes.

Social Worker: "What did you think you were going to accomplish? If he stayed and did not run away like you feared?"

Carol: "I needed to show him - and me - that I was not the same. At that time it was over 4 months in therapy finding out about who I am, what I think, what I was afraid of, how I protected myself. I WAS DIFFERENT."

Social Worker: "John, why did you stay?"

John: "As I said before, I started to hear honesty out of her. She was taking responsibility for what she did. There was a grandchild in the wings now. I also saw the hole with our adult children, especially our daughter. I could not bear to cause them more pain, needless pain. They were as upset with this as I was." 

Social Worker: "What about you? What else was there?"

John: "I wanted, no I needed, needed very much closure of any sort. I kept putting it off. When the Marriage group session was over, we went to Starbucks for tea. We went there after every meeting."

Social Worker: "What did you talk about?"

Carol: "We did not talk about the heavy deep issues. For me that would have been very scary. I would have done it, but I knew I wasn't ready. John, you didn't look like you were ready either," looking directly at John, "were you?"

John: "I wanted to, but I couldn't. I'm full of anger and depression. And fear, fear too. I don't trust my self. We were meeting after the Marriage group session for three months. I felt we were just dancing around the issues. Neither of us could bring things up."

"I learned much from that group, but I don't trust myself. I've been seeing my therapist for a while, and I know my limits. I knew that I couldn't do this unaided."

Carol: "I've been feeling that way too. It took a lot for me to become ashamed for what I've done. I've realized that I've damaged everybody around me. To be honest, I'm grateful for any contact with my family at all."

Social Worker: "I'm going to ask you both a series of questions and each of you need to give us all as honest as possible answers. Who wants to go first? I will alternate asking each of you." Carol and John both nodded yes, but John waved Carol to be first.

Social Worker: "John, why did you let Carol go first?"

John looking a bit surprised, "Well? I always let her go first."

Social Worker: "Why is that? Take your time with this answer."

John thought about it for a couple of minutes. "Carol is aggressive and I'm more laid back. She tends to want to have things quicker, faster, no patience for anything. I used to get run over a lot, so I just let her go first and not deal with it. It was not worth the fight."

Social Worker: "Would it be going out on a limb to say that this was a way to buy peace?" John nodded yes, "Do you agree Carol?"

Looking a little bit flustered, she closed her eyes and spoke softly. "If what you are saying is that I'm a bitch, then that is correct."

Social Worker: "Lets not take the term bitch into this Carol. Why the lack of patience? What were your goals? What was important to you to do this?"

Carol: Getting a bit agitated; she got a scowl on her face.

Social Worker: "This is a difficult question for you, isn't it? Please take your time."

At that point, Carol's face went from anger to nearly crying. John reached out and held her hand with out saying a word. Then she did start to cry. 

Carol: "I've just started looking at this in my sessions. Remember, my father was southern Italian. He had no patience, no patience with anyone, no patience with me. That is how I treat others."

Social Worker: "John, what does that do to you?"

Taking his time and thinking about it carefully. "I always felt dumped on, less than human, not a man, not a husband. I was a hired hand. I needed to protect myself from it. I knew it would pass, so I just endured it. Tried to not let me get hurt by it. It caused me to live in my head. I had a three kids I was responsible for too."

Social Worker: "Carol, How did John interact with you after you both would interact like this?"

Carol: "He would clam up. That got me doubly mad. He was not who I demanded him to be. I was good in everything, the world had to be as good as me. I'm realizing now that I was out of control, and he wouldn't stop me. I would not let him stop me even if he tried. NO, bitch is a good term for me."

At this point tears begin to well up in John's eyes. For the first time since that day at the motel, she reached over and held his hand quietly. He jumped at her touch, but held her hand back.

The session ended a few more minutes. All agreed to continue their individual councilors and the marriage group.



It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 03



Session 5 Marital Counseling

Social Worker: "You both seem to be a bit upset today."

Carol: "We were talking just before we came in here. John has decided to get rid of our bed and replace it totally; bed, mattress, box spring, sheets and comforters. Everything."

Social Worker: "Why is that an issue for you? You two are still living apart."

Carol: "That bed is not that old. The mattress and box spring have more years left on the warranty. I spent a fortune when we upgraded to the king size bed from the queen that we had for years. It's a waste." 

At this point Carol held up her hand to stop anyone else from speaking. She then added slowly and softly, with some hesitation, "This is our 5th martial session, and we have not addressed my being unfaithful to John and our marriage. I know that John may have thought that I defiled that bed like I defiled our marriage. I told him that nothing ever happened at our house. This bed is innocent. I was not."

Social Worker: "John, tell us what you think."

John: "It was true, at least before Carol told me, that I thought this bed was the scene of destruction for me. I can accept that it wasn't. But I want to get rid of it. We got it when our youngest was a junior in high school. It is so big that I never knew if she was in the bed with me when we were sleeping."

"I'm an in-town and an over-the-road trucker. I sleep alone more than I ever want to. Sleeping in this bed was like sleeping alone. Sometimes I couldn't tell when she got up, or came back to sleep. I don't like sleeping alone."

Carol had a look of shock on her face and the other two saw it. She held up her hand to hold them quiet. "John, burn that bed, get rid of it, give everything about it away." She paused. "That is when it started. That was it."

John: "What?"

Carol: "That was when I was slipping away from you. Hearing you I can see it so clearly now. We got that king sized bed, and I no longer felt your presence at night. Like when you were on the road, but it was all the time after that. BURN THAT BED. BURN THAT GOD DAMNED BED."

At that point, both Carol and John looked at one another. With all the hell they had gone through, they found and agreed on the starting point. Their minds were running a thousand miles a minute, with out a word being said. It was several minutes before the therapist broke the silence.

Social Worker: "Looks like you both discovered something. What does that mean to each of you?"

They looked at each other and Carol nodded to John to begin. She had learned it was the little things that made or broke a partnership. She was starting to learn to bring John out, to give him a place in their lives. To be a team, not to be in control. Right now that place was only 3 hours a week. 

John: "That was when I started to feel alone. It was bad when you would get on your high horse and try to control the world around you. And I was a big part of the world, along with the kids. But by that time, we had two out of the house, in college. The last was going in 2 years. And the great recession started. My trucking job was no longer steady; I had to take more cross country hauls to keep us afloat. Just at the time I needed you more, you were farther away. All I could do was to keep going. Put food on the table, pay the mortgage, and pay what ever tuition I could. I was the health insurance. It was on me. Nose to the grindstone. I was on the road and when I was home, you were farther away emotionally and physically."

Carol: "I remember getting more angry with you at that time. We were going through hard times, tense times, and you pulled away. Your cross country hauls kept us going, but you were gone. I was lonely for you. When you were on the road, I cried myself to sleep after the youngest would go to bed. When you came back, you were distant."

"What I did was wrong, so very wrong. I was wrong to start something for what ever bullshit reason. But I should be damned to have continued it."

Social Worker: "Are you both ready to talk about how it started?" With tears, both nodded yes.

Carol: "I was lonely, and starting to get to wits end. So much was inside of me that was about to burst out of me. Even then I knew I could do some real damage to anyone I came across. By this time, I burned out most of my girlfriends. They had problems too."

"My boss at work saw that I was not my normal bitchy self, I was depressed. That is not good when working with customers. So he started to talk with me about things. I opened up to him. Things I should have been saying to you John, I was saying to him because he would listen. That was all that went on. He was a safe sounding board for me. I never had a male friend that could do that with. I had burned out my girlfriends, so this was a port in the storm."

"Looking back on it, I realized now that the kids thought I was having an affair. I was. I was intimate with him, just not sexual. It felt good to feel like I was wanted for just being me, not a mom, not a wife that had to take care of the laundry and cook meals."

"Our lives stabilized. Your job became the norm and we got used to it. We grew a little bit closer, but only a little. You know how I act when things aren't right. Bitch, moan, complain and generally make life miserable for everyone around me. You've seen that all these years. Only now I can own it and from these sessions we've talked about what we should do about it. You say something and I deal with it. I've learned to not have to defend everything. We've been successful the times we'd tried, haven't we?" John nodded yes.

"Then we didn't do it that way. I'd bitch and moan, you'd withdraw even further. I couldn't talk with you about it without making it worse. And if you brought it up, I'd get angry and castrate you and your efforts. There was no way to win. You even brought up counseling, but I was so angry and full of myself that I shot that down big time. John, you married a stupid self centered idiot."

John: "You did too."

Carol now had tears welling up in her eyes. "You're just saying that to make me feel better. No, I didn't marry an idiot. I married a caring man that always looked out for me. And I payed him back with being unfaithful and staying unfaithful. No John, you got the short end of the stick."

John: "We both married people who are not perfect. We lost our way after raising our three kids, and we raised them well. We forgot about each other after the raising was over. You were lost in your anger; I was lost in my depression. We both lacked courage."

Carol: "But I moved on from being just emotionally intimate. I was at work when a coworker made a pass at me. It shocked me at first, but I didn't stop him. It made me feel good, guilty, but good. That is when the rationalizations started flooding my mind. I didn't ask for it, I didn't lead him on, but I didn't say no. Someone was paying attention to me."

"It started to snowball after that. When the heavens didn't open up and take me, I thought, what the heck. When you were on the road, making a living for us, a stolen kiss progressed to meeting for drinks after work. Then longer kisses, then groping each other at the bar. Finally, it was the back seat of his car, then a hotel. I DIDN'T STOP WITH HIM. I DID THIS TO YOU. I WAS UNFAITHFUL AND TRAMPLED ON YOU AND OUR FAMILY." At that, she held her face in her hands and cried. John didn't reach over to console her, the feelings had overwhelmed him and he too sobbed.

"Then I did worse, if there can be anything worse than this. He left for another job and that is when I started working for Bill Ross. He went after me. I had a reputation by that time. I welcomed his attention and his touching. I wasn't hurting anybody, nobody would know. I got company whenever you were out of town. I destroyed my husband and my family in those two years. I also destroyed his family too. Yes, he was responsible for what he did to his family, but I was part of that too."

"John, I cannot ask you for forgiveness. What I have done has been so vile that I cannot ask for forgiveness."

Social Worker: "John, what is going on inside of you? Tell us about it."

Wiping the tears from his eyes with a tissue, John looked down, dejected. It was what he had to, but never wanted to hear. The only thing he did not hear was the details of what they did. He actually saw that on the laptops outside of the hotel room over a year ago. "I've missed you for years. I was working all I could to make a life for us, but you wouldn't allow a life for us. I always hoped that things would get better, but they didn't. I always wanted a marriage where I felt supported, but I never got it. I withdrew just to survive."

"I've been living with this for over a year, trying to come to terms with it. I've never wanted to hurt you, but there was always more of your father in you than was healthy for me. I understand that that is who you are. That core will never go away. I want to run away and hide now. Just pull back and wait for the pain and anger and the depression to ease its way out. Then it is back to normal. Low grade functioning normal."

"We've both learned things in the past 6 months. I know that I can't do that anymore. That is as hard for me to do as controlling your temper is for you." He reached over and took a sip of a water bottle. He was stalling for time. He knew it, so did she.

"I want to get beyond this. I want to get beyond this with you, but it is still raw. I've always been a sensitive man. My feelings get hurt with ease. I can't let this one roll over me, but I don't want to let it determine what I route I take in life." That was when Carol reached over and held his hand. Touching each other in the past several months was rare, it always had an outsized meaning for both of them.

Social Worker: "What do you two want to do?"

Carol: looked at John, and he nodded for her to go ahead. "John, we have more things to work out. Can we both keep doing what we have in the past 5 weeks? I want so much to be solid with you, and I'm not willing to take any chances."

John: "That would be good for me too." And he stood up and hugged her, like he had at their granddaughter's birth.



It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 04



Social Worker: "You both appear to be upset today. Who wants to talk about it first?"

Carol nods to John, but he shakes his head no.

Social Worker: "John, for the past 4 sessions you've arrived with the same attitude. And from what I can see, you and Carol have hit a plateau. What do you think?"

John, looking angry shakes his head no, but no one else says a thing or makes a move. This has happened several times before in their sessions. Finally, he starts to speak. "I thought that counseling was supposed to help me, not keep me angry. We keep talking about things that happened before, choices I made and all I get is more and more angry. I may be a truck driver, but I never swore like one. AND I COULD NOW." With that, he clammed up, holding his arms tightly around him.

Social Worker: "What is triggered you, what is pulling at you? You've said some very strong things in the past, and yet we listened and did not melt from your fire."

John: "Sometimes I feel like I wasted my life. I thought getting married was a great thing, but Carol started changing, and it was not for the better. I always kept hoping that things would get better, but they never really did. The kids took 25 years of our lives. I am glad we had them, but I never realized until Carol's extra sex on the side, how out of the loop I was for MY OWN GOD DAMN LIFE."

"I did my best, I did everything a husband and father was supposed to do. I NEVER STRAYED." He closed his eyes and jerked from trying to control his sobbing.

Carol was beginning to say something, but the Social Worker cut her off. "I've never heard you tell Carol how angry you are at what she did. You have always spoken about it in very controlled measures. When we had our first session, I asked if letting her go first was a way to buy peace. You both have looked at the costs of buying peace."

"John, could you now talk to Carol, like she used to talk with you? Your content, her methods, loud voices, hand and arm gestures, the whole bit. Can you try to do it?"

John looked at the both of them in shock. He never yelled, his anger was always pulled into himself. There it was under control, it didn't hurt anybody. Well that was what he thought. He knew now that wasn't the case. But actually act like a destructive in-you-face Italian? He shook his head no.

But Carol held his hand. "John, please try. You know that I survived under the master, my father. I'm still alive. Please try."

John looked at the two of them. Losing control and hurting other was something he vowed to never do. He remembered scenes from his youth. Still, he was tired of being depressed most of his life. What was going to be worse, depression, or getting angry and learning to not destroy everybody around him. He nodded yes.

"How the fuck could you treat me, anybody, like you did for so many years? How could anybody. NO. HOW COULD YOU ACT LIKE SUCH A JERK FOR YEARS? A SELF ASOBORBED JERK, running over anybody and anything that you felt annoyed with. HOW COULD YOU?"

"That was bad because it affected our entire family. But then, to show how powerful and important you were, YOU BROKE OUR MARRIAGE. JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE GOD DAMNED LONELY? JUDGE JURY AND EXECUTIONER." At that he stood up and stared to flail his hands in the air. 

John's highly controlled emotional dam was breached, and the emotions of years started to spill out of him on to the floor, over Carol and the Social Worker. For the next 10 minutes, he never stood down and he never stopped talking. He didn't pre-censor any thoughts, but let them all flow out. It was a volcano blowing up.

When he was spent, he sat down on the chair. He was emotionally empty, but in a good way. He didn't see Carol get on her knees at his side, and jumped when she hugged him saying she was so sorry for the damage she had done. She was crying too. 

John hugged Carol back, an honest hug, not a hug to make peace, but a hug of connection between the two of them.



It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 05



A day before their weekly counseling session with John, Carol received an unexpected visit from her daughter Ann. The look on Ann's face showed that it was not a social call to talk about her granddaughter. "Your father has been in an accident. He is fine, someone plowed into his truck in Arizona while he was waiting in line at an exit. He will be spending several days in the hospital there before they release him. Check your phone, the hospital has been trying to get a hold of you."

Her phone had died because she forgot to recharge it, a rarity for her. Carol was now worried. Ann immediately called the hospital and was transferred to the nursing station. John was in radiology, getting some x-rays, then he was going down the hall for a cat scan. He was stable, sore, some facial lacerations. He was awake and lucid, although he had lost consciousness briefly. He wouldn't be back for 2 hours at least. 

Ann got the medical update then hung up. Daughter and mother sat down and talked about it. "All these years, I was always afraid of this. Your father is a careful man, there that doesn't mean everyone else is." Then looking at her daughter, "I want to go there. Can you help me? He is precious to me. Can you help?"

Ann looked at her closely. Logic stated that this was a wasted effort, or at least a premature one. They should wait for the results of the tests. She had spoken with the nurse and the doctors. He was sore and needed to be under observation, but not in danger. It was not about logic.

The past several months have been life changing for her mother. Ann knew her mother inside and out, until lately. The craziness of Carol's upbringing had always hindered her relations with others. Now? She was working through her issues. She never did that before. From her brothers and her own interactions with her mother, this lady was reaching out, making amends, changing her dynamics. It was the same body, but not the same old draining needy person that she was.

She also knew her father. For all the time Ann knew him, she realized that he had an underlying bit of depression. The unfaithfulness of his wife gave him a chance to start over again, but he didn't do it. She and her brothers realized that in spite of all the bull shit of their parent's lives, these two people loved each other. They were not always good for one another, but they loved each other. That was a choice they both made, even if they never told each other in the past several years.

These past few months lightened her father's spirit. The personal, martial group and marital counseling have done wonders for them both. But Ann knew that they were now stuck. They had been stuck several times, and with luck and hard work, was able to move on. Not this time, the infidelity was stopping her father, her past destructive behavior stopped her mother. Both roadblocks to their future.

When someone has a near death experience, things that were important suddenly become less so. Many people suddenly realize that life is finite. Would this be the nudge to get them working together again? That was when Ann smiled, and the look of fear on her mother's face was replaced with hope.

In 30 minutes, tickets were purchased for a 9 PM flight that evening to Phoenix and a hotel reservation near the hospital. The hotel had bus service from the airport as well as to and from the hospital. A call to her youngest son, and the ride to the air airport was taken care of.

John woke up with a splitting headache. The combination of being bounced around the cab, the medical tests, and withdrawal from caffeine did it. Just before his eyes started to clear, he heard a familiar voice. "John?" He thought it was the drugs, until someone held his hand. Carol? What was Carol doing here?

"John, I'm here with you." and tears were forming in her eyes. During the middle of the accident when his rig was being pushed into the trailer in front of him, he thought he it was over. Those seconds lasted for a good 5 minutes while he saw his Peterbuilt slowly crumple into that trailer. The heavy machinery in that trailer stopped his cab from continuing to grind into to it. It stopped the trailer walls from shearing into his own cab. He shook from the terror of it.

Lying in the wreckage, he could not get out, but he thought he was OK. Fire then became his biggest fear. You can't be a trucker for so many years without seeing some gristly accidents. Now he was living it. Only 4 trucks were involved and the fire trucks were on site in 5 minutes. It took an hour to cut him free. He would never be the same. 

"John, are you alright John? Please say something to me." All he could immediately do was to tighten the grip on her hand. She was there, she was real. He was trying to say something, but he realized that there were bandages across his face. That was when he remembered the shards of glass and steel that flew around his cab. He remembered hearing that the wounds were minor, but bled like heck. He squeezed her hand again. That's when he heard, "You're OK John, You're OK." and he fell back to sleep.

Carol would never willingly leave his side for days. Only when forced to go back to the hotel for sleep and a shower by the nursing staff, was she not there.

He was not seriously injured, but he was banged around. He had lost consciousness, and that was serious. Ann was monitoring the situation daily, and was satisfied with the care he was receiving. She was able to ask her mother about specifics. Only once she called the charge nurse asking for some assistance on an issue. 

After a couple of days, it was looking more and more that he was OK. The immediate tension and concern from the accident died down. John and Carol were able to begin to process what happened with one another. 

John heard about her immediate decision to go see him, even with Ann's assurances. He was grateful she was there. Carol heard about his near death experience and shuddered at almost losing him again. They each heard the fear in their partner's words. Life could be over in a flash of an eye. They both were staring at that eye from over their shoulders.

Ann thought that this might get them moving again back to work through their road blocks. There is nothing like a near miss to see what you might lose. They both realized that they were supporting one another, and loved without reserve by the other. They had worked hard to rebuild their marriage, to make it better than it ever had been before. The fact that she was unfaithful never went away completely, but their new relationship over powered what was before. 

At the hospital, they did not decide to move back in together, but they did plan to host Thanksgiving. That would be part of their test with each other.



It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 06



Social Worker: "So how was Thanksgiving for you two?"

John: "This was the first Thanksgiving together as a family in two years. It was good to see all our children, their spouses and grandchild together again, for the first time."

Carol: "At the hospital, we decided to host Thanksgiving at his house as a test for us. We didn't tell the rest of the family that it was the two of us. The first thing I asked was what I could do to help out. I got my tasks, and then somehow, somebody here kept asking me to take care of a couple more things each day."

John: "I've been living alone for all this time, and being on the road most of that time, I didn't have to take care of things. It all caught up with me."

Carol: "John, I don't think that you even pulled out the vacuum cleaner in the past year. Well, I got there the evening before, because John asked if I could help set up. That wasn't anything he ever did by himself before. I knew we were in trouble the second I walked back in."

John laughing "You should've seen the look on her face. At first, I thought she was going to burst, but she didn't. She just kind of smiled at me and asked if we could work together to clean the house, at least the first floor for Thanksgiving dinner. We needed a clean place for our grandchild to crawl around in."

Carol: "You know, it was what I was expecting. John was never one to really keep things clean. Orderly, yes, clean enough for a grandchild, no."

John: "That was when we put together a plan on who was going to do what, and 4 hours later, we were ready to start the prep work for the dinner. I never knew how dirty the kitchen really was."

Carol: "Did you know there was still food and jars in the fridge from when I lived there? We ended up going out to a late night grocery store to restock. I was even able to convince him to get the healthier things."

John: "I picked her up Thanksgiving morning at 5 AM like we agreed and got straight to work. We were working well together when I slipped and the cranberry bowl hit the floor. Glass, syrup and little red balls all over the floor. Half way through the cleanup I realized I was bleeding."

Carol: "I washed it out, but it looked more than minor. He didn't want to go to the ER, so he called Ann to take a look at him. She had a smile on her face when she saw me there. John didn't tell her, did you? After putting in a couple of stitches, she and I finished the cooking. Lazy bones here was cheering us on the sidelines with a glass of wine. Then she left go home and bring the rest of the crowd for dinner at 2 PM."

Social Worker: "Sounds like you two were getting along. How did it feel for the two of you? You've been working on your relationship for about a year now."

John: "When I broke the bowl of cranberries, it never would have ended this way before. There would have been a lot of yelling and screaming. This time, no drama outside of the cut."

Carol: "And the clean up. It was a mess, but I think we learned it was only a mess. Not like John's truck accident. That was a wake up call last month."

John: "I don't know what we learned more from, Carol's cheating, my depression, what we've learned here and at the Marriage group, or that accident. This is the marriage I always wanted."

Carol: "Flying cross country to see you in that hospital..." Carol's eyes filled with tears. "I think that was when we both realized that we had to move on. You were stuck in the damage I did to you, I was stuck in the wrong I did. Neither of us could move on from that."

John: "But we both were working on other things, real important things. I was able to yell at you and you took it. You were changing how you treated me and the world."

Carol: "You spoke up and I was listening. Big change. We finally learned to become a team."

John: "You supported me when my favorite Uncle passed away. Before I would be happy if you were neutral, at least then I didn't have deal with my own feelings and have to baby sit your attitude. Not this time, you were there for me."

Social Worker: "So what is next?"

John: "This thanksgiving was a test for us. We know that the next couple on months are going to be hard for us. New habits to keep up and old habits to break. We were going to start to move Carol back in, but with my hand, we can't do it for a couple of weeks."

Carol: "So, a little bit every day is the plan, for everything. We're going to have successes, we're going to have some failures. We've been learning to live with that."



It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 07



John, Carol and their two sons helped Carol to move back in. It was over 2 years after she was moved out. To celebrate, all three kids paid for dinner reservations at a special place for just the two of them, alone. After Carol and John showered, they left to eat.

At the restaurant, it became a bit quiet between them. A little bit was tiredness from the moving activity of the day, the rest was the activity of the past two years. At the end of dinner while they were treated to desert, Carol cleared her throat, she wanted to talk. "I have to talk about" when John broke in. "No you don't. We went over that, whatever happened, and" then Carol broke in, "Please John, let me talk, please?" He nodded yes and allowed her to continue.

"In the past several years before I strayed, before I destroyed our marriage, we kind of got into a rut, emotionally and sexually. Our relationship was dying. I know that I was the biggest part of that. We've worked on the emotional and relationship part." He nodded yes.

"I want to talk about the sexual part. We haven't gone there. When I was unfaithful, what I did... was the same that you and I did, nothing different, actually even less. We've been physically apart for 2 years. We both have changed. We've started over. I think that emotionally, we're better than before." John nodded again, but smiled this time.

"I have and I've seen you drop parts of our lives that were not working for us." She cleared her throat and took a drink. They both knew she was stalling, buying a little bit of emotional time.

"I want our sexual relationship to start over again too. Start over from the very beginning. Nothing off bounds. Maybe not nothing, but at least we talk about it first." she paused, "Nothing between us anyway. At least to try something that our partner wants to try. We may not do it again, or we may love it, but we need to have that freedom to be open to new things between us. How do you feel about this? What do you think?"

John waited a minute, and Carol was worried. But then he smiled and Carol relaxed a bit. "I'll admit that tonight I was worried about what you did before. It was one of those things that I hit the wall on for those months before the accident. I thought I just needed to move on. But you're right, everything should be open to talking." He took a sip from his drink. She reached over and placed her hand in his. He squeezed it lovingly. They learned much in the past year about being with each other.

"Sexually, with you I've been dead for several years. We only did one or two things, then came" at that he paused. She added, "My straying, my being an unfaithful bitch?" He continued, "I stayed dead for the next year. But we met at the marriage group, and I started to feel things again. Just after our granddaughter was born, on my way back from the west coast, I actually drove to a legal brothel in Nevada."

Carol's eyes were wide. Her quiet conservative husband went to a whore house? There was something, something exciting going on in him that she never knew.

"But that was as far as I got, the parking lot. I wasn't ready for anything like that. For the hour I waited there, I saw about 20 guys go in and only 10 come out. I figured it was a 45 minute job." And he laughed. After a second or two, she did too. This was not the man she knew before, the one who was so quiet about sex. This gave her an idea. They continued talking about sex, what they were feeling, what they wanted, what the other wanted. They had never done this before, so openly, so frankly. 

They had finished their desert and coffee. Carol reached over and gave John a big kiss. Then she whispered into his ear, "We need to do better than 45 minutes." then stuck her tongue into his ear and her hand across his groin. That used to drive him crazy years ago. She used to do it to him in public when a few people could see. She was betting it was doing the same now. She was right and what she traced the outline of in his pants told her so.

Paying the waitress, they got up from the table and Carol felt a hand grab and playfully squeeze her right cheek. She jumped at first, then stopped and backed into it, twice. The second time caught John off guard. The games have started, and these were two dedicated players. It was going to be a good night.

In the car on the way home, Carol slowly traced his manhood with her hand. Then to make his driving even more interesting, she slid her dress up slowly while spreading her legs. He had never seen her in a thong before. In the darkness of the front seat, she kept teasing John, pulling his eyes away at stop lights, only to cover up when it turned green. A couple of cars honking brought him back to reality. He was going to get her for this later.

Pulling up to the driveway, he reached over and pulled her mouth to his, and his hand plunged into her thong. That's when he discovered she had shaved. She whispered, "I did that for you last night. Do you like?" while his fingers entered her slit. She moaned while he got her all worked up. She was very near to coming when he stopped cold. "We have to get into the house, and bolted to the door laughing. "Tease me will you. Hurry up." She got her self together and had to plan her come back quick.

John had entered the house, but stopped cold in the hallway. There were flowers with 'Welcome Home' balloons on the table, along side an antipasto tray with an ice bucket with spumate and two glasses. 

Carol came up behind him. She felt his arm over her shoulder, hugging her. Their lips met and their arms held each other, until she goosed his ass and laughed. She giggled out a "If you open that bottle, I'll bring the tray upstairs."

He smiled at her and said "Who has to go upstairs? Just get the glasses ready." and they both heard the pop. The spumate started to bubble over, but she quickly put her mouth on it and sucked to stop any loss or mess.

With her mouth still on the bottle she heard, "You look pretty good sucking something long and hard." He cupped her ass and gave it a playful light slap. "John, I didn't care about the mess on the floor or me not anymore. I didn't want to waste it. Fill these glasses, and meet me in the living room while I get the tray and close the curtains."

Settling on the couch, Carol leaned her back against John and began to sip the spumate. He fed her some asiago cheese, then she fed him some milanese salami. After a little bit, she leaned over and kissed him softly. He took the glasses and put them on the table behind him. He began to run his hands along her back and then along her ass. He always loved her ass. She never let him play much with it before, but tonight was going to be different. Slipping his hand under her thong, she backed his hand away and pulled back to look at him. He was looking a little deflated, but she smiled. 

"You never made it into that whore house did you? Tonight, you get your whore. I'm yours for anything you could have bought, and it's on the house." Carol stood up and got his glass. "Hello, my name is Candy, I'll be yours till morning. All expenses paid. What can I start doing for you sweetie?" and she knelt down in front of him, with a big sexy smile on her face.

They had never played any roles before. But having spent the last year on the internet, he was game for it. She just one-upped him, and he was willing to let her win, for now.

"Well Candy, could you first refill our glasses, and break out the bourbon, the fine sippin' top shelf stuff. You know where it's kept. We're almost out of this."

Carol returned with the Makers Mark he kept in the liquor cabinet, along with two glasses. She was going to enjoy this too. With a bit of show-womanship, she drained the last of the spumate directly from the bottle. She smiled at him as she licked the neck of the bottle.

"Candy, I'd sure love to see you strip for me, and yes, please take your time, I want to enjoy it." With that, he put his legs up on the couch and leaned back with his arms behind his head.

She had never stripped before, and was more than a little unsure of it. All she could remember was a clip from the movie Gypsy. She leaned over and whispered quietly into his ear "I'll be open to suggestions, I'm new at this," and backed away. He smiled and nodded yes.

Moving her body erotically was something she never did before, but she saw an appreciative audience. Her own audience raised her confidence. Teasing him in the car was so much easier she thought. Putting on some smooth jazz, she started to move to the music, and then swayed her hips while closing her eyes. She got into the zone with it. In a few minutes she opened her eyes. John was there, with his mouth open, his eyes intent on her. She felt it, she felt her 'new lover' desire her. Her actions started to have a mind of their own, and he loved it. She had not yet loosened a single piece of clothing.

She began to slide her hands along her slightly chubby body. She hated her additional weight, but John loved it. Her curves always turned him on, and now he was watching her sway in front of him. He tried to reach out to touch her, but she playfully slapped his hand back. They both smiled at each other.

She started to cup her tits for him, slide her hands along her hips and along her inner thighs. A few minutes of this she began to feel his hunger for her. That was when she unbuttoned a single button of her blouse. Turning, she then reached to the food tray and grabbed some cheese while swaying her ass in front of his face. Turning back, she slowly placed the cheese into his mouth. After he had swallowed it, she followed the cheese with two fingertips, then whole fingers, allowing him to lick and suck them clean. She never knew how erotic it felt to have your fingers in your lover's mouth.

She unbuttoned another button, then another. Her red bra was starting to peak out. She swayed her tits in front of his face, letting her perfume drift into him. She could see that he wanted to touch her, but she pulled back, unbuttoning the third, fourth and fifth.

She was enjoying this, more than she ever felt she thought she would have. She pulled out the tails of her blouse out, and then unbuttoned the rest, opening it for him to see. Swaying in front of John, she took his hands and placed them upon her breasts. They both moaned together. She did not know how she was going to keep this up, she wanted him so badly, but she also wanted to keep him stringing along. She never got the choice.

He pulled her down to her knees and her hands to his belt. "Candy, I can't take that any more. Do what you do best my little whore." 

Carol wasn't stung at that line, she rather enjoyed it now that they were back together. It was a term of endearment now. She unbuckled his belt and slipped his zipper down. She brought her face to his crotch and breathed in. For so long she was away from his scent. For the past two years, she would think of it as she masturbated herself, now she smelled it again, she was home.

"Candy, take off that blouse, I want to see your tits. NOW." She smiled and let her blouse slowly fall off her shoulders. She still wanted to tease him. She was on her knees in her red lace bra, he loved red lace. It was a front clasp bra, and she loosened it and let it slip off her shoulders. 

There were the tits he had been looking for, inches away from his mouth. He reached over and fondled them, and gave then a little kiss before he put her hands back on his pants. She started to rub his cock through his underwear when he told her to stand. "Take off you clothes. I want see you naked, and be quick about it." Then he swatted her left ass cheek lightly.

She did as she was told, loving the newness of this all. They had never done this before, she never knew how erotic it was. She dropped her skirt and was standing there in her thong and nylons. For him, she wore a red garter belt. He had never seen her like that before. 

After removing the garters, she put her fingers along the thong at her sides, and slipped it down to her feet. She then picked it up and let John smell her arousal from it. He smiled and pulled her down, not to kiss his mouth, but to his straining cock. It was still hidden in his pants. First she unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, then his undershirt.

She kissed and sucked his nipples on the way south, getting a yelp for her efforts. She smiled at that. She got to his pants, sliding her hands along the front of his legs till she got to his feet. Then she took off his shoes and socks. To tease him further, she quickly licked his toes. His eyes went wide open. She just as quickly slid her hands along his sides to his waist band. He was breathing heavy by then. She wondered how quick he was going to cum. She knew what she wanted to do with it.

He picked up his ass from the couch and she slipped both his pants and underwear off at once. She made sure she did not touch his cock. But once again, she didn't get a choice. He pulled her face to his cock and gave her a single command, "Suck it my little whore." 

Like most women, she never liked to swallow, but she had in the past. She also never liked to wear it. Today, she was going to do both. The smell of his cum on both of their bodies was going to keep them going all night. She knew what she was going to do to him. Looking directly at his eyes, she started licking and sucking on his cock. With the eye contact, she knew he would not last long. Carol was right. He became rigid, but he held her head on his cock. He wanted her to get a mouthful, didn't care if she swallowed, but wanted to cum in her mouth. The first for him was that he was going to kiss her when he finished. They both were going to taste themselves before the night was over.

He filled her mouth and it dribbled on him. She immediately started to rub it over the both of them. They had done that before when they were younger. While she was doing that, he pulled her to his face, and kissed her completely, sharing his seed. Her eyes went wild, her cunt tingled with anticipation.

"Candy my little whore, get on your back and spread your legs" and he swatted her ass again. She did what she was told, but started to realize that he swatted her ass more today than their entire courting and marriage. She lay back on the couch and watched him get on his knees. He was looking directly at her pussy, her new bald pussy. He was smiling.

She wasn't a big fan of him eating her, partially because she wasn't thrilled with tasting herself. She liked kissing more. But their marriage was now new. The look of lust and love in his eyes told her it was a great new day for them. She had seen him taste himself, that he never did before. That was a bit of a turn on for her to see. Because her mind was wandering, she didn't realize that he was going to attack her pussy, until it happened. It was an intense rough sucking, licking, rubbing while he slipped two fingers into her pussy and another two into her ass at once. Her pent up excitement went into overdrive. Within 10 seconds she came, a climax to remember. She had never come so quick and so hard in her entire life.

Before she could recover, he had moved his mouth to hers. They shared her taste while she panted, trying to catch her breath. This was the first time he made her come in two years. 

"Candy, get on your knees and show me your ass. NOW, GET A MOVE ON." She was feeling like a plaything, a piece of meat. She didn't think it was going to be this way when she 'became Candy'. But a quick swat on her ass got her moving. "Don't turn around."

Now she was getting a little worried. This playing was starting to be a little unnerving. That was when she felt his hand on the back of her shoulder, steadying himself. His other hand was spreading her legs. When she felt him tenderly stroke her pussy, she relaxed a bit. Guiding his cock into her from behind was something they always liked. That way, he could reach around and cup her tits or play with her pussy. She loved it too, feeling his hands all over her. Carol didn't have to do anything but receive. Sometimes it's nice to just receive from your lover.

A couple of strokes is all it took for them to connect. This wasn't Candy and a trick here, this was Carol and John, 'new lovers' again. An old and a new feeling at the same time. He whispered her name into her ear. She felt his hands gently caress her breasts. "Oh John, I've missed this so. I've missed the feel of your arms, of your breathing on my neck, of your cock in and out of me." He grunted in reply, but caressed her neck and stroked her back tenderly.

That was enough for Carol, and she started to groan. "Fuck me John, fuck me hard, give me all you got. I love it when" and his hand covered her mouth while he plowed her as hard as he could. He didn't want to come so soon, so he had to quiet her. That surprise restraint caused her to climax again, and she shook like a leaf in the wind, then collapsed. John collapsed on top of her and they lay there in silence.

They sat up a few minutes later and kissed. She knew that John had not come a second time, but smiling at him she told him that he was wonderful, but not to be worried. She had plans after a little break. He smiled back and held her face while kissing her.

She reached over to the whiskey and the food tray. She started to feed him some salami with cheese while they sipped the Makers Mark. She also stroked his cock, and licked her juices off of it while they were resting. She wanted to be sure he remained hard.

When they were finished, she excused her self and went to their bedroom to get a jar. She had bought fruit flavored lube for them and she wanted to try it out. He didn't know what was coming.

She knelt down at his lap and started to lube him up. When she gave the jar to him, and turned around, he got a smile on his face. That was when he knew for sure what was going to happen. She spread her cheeks while looking at him with a smile. All she said was to take it slow. 

He looked at this woman on her knees with her ass in the air, such a submissive position, open and venerable. He loved it. Life was different now. He was getting more of what he wanted out of life, and was willing to give more. Now he was going to get her ass. He always loved fucking her ass, but it was so rare. It had only happened after she had gotten more than half-way drunk, then she complained about it for months afterward. Not this time, not anymore.

He started by kissing it, then licking it. He got his tongue over it and into it a little. Her movements and groaning told him that this was good for her. Then she started to tell him to start lubing her ass with his fingers, to get her relaxed and bigger. "I want your cock in my ass tonight. I've been practicing for months with some butt plugs. Do you like me practicing for you? Do you like me sticking things up my ass for you?"

"Carol, I've always loved your ass" and then gave it a little slap. "You like me slapping your ass while I get you ready?" and he put two fingers in, slowly stretching her.

Something happened with his last slap when his two fingers entered her ass. She felt a tingling, not pain, but a bit of pleasure from the slap. In the past couple of months, she started more and more ass play when she masturbated, alone in the bed at night. It felt good. Now the gentle slapping was amplifying the feeling. It was also naughty, more naughty then just putting things up your ass. She started to moan with his fingers opening her up. She began to fuck back, to meet his finger thrusts. He found a willing partner, his new lover was a willing partner.

He moved to three fingers and five minutes later he felt she was ready. That was when he heard "John don't wait another minute. Put that cock of yours into me, ream my ass with your hunk of meat. Make me moan." They took their time together, he waited for her to back into him. He groped her tits and fingered her cunt to distract her. It only did a little bit of good. Finally he popped in, but he remained motionless. She appreciated his slowness. She was realizing that this made it so much easier on her. As the pain receded, her excitement increased. She started to slowly rock back and forth on his cock. It was only five minutes from when he first put his cock at her ass to get where she was enjoying it. But it was a long five minutes. 




It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch. 07



Once she started to slide her ass to meet his cock, he slowly started to pump. The tightness on his cock and the tits in his hands were great. He whispered into her ear, "I love fucking your ass Carol, I just love sticking my cock into all your holes." Then he slapped her ass again, just a little harder. She winced from the shock of it, but groaned in pleasure. "You love slapping my ass, don't you? You love doing anything to my ass. Fuck me harder lover, fuck me harder. You like kissing it, licking it, fucking it, spanking it." He slapped her again.

She took a chance. "You like slapping it because I was a very bad girl, wasn't I. You want to punish me, don't you? You want me to only suck you, to only fuck you, to only swallow your cum, don't you?" He slapped her ass harder, leaving a red mark where his hand hit her. She groaned and humped his cock harder. 

"You've been a very bad girl Carol, but from now on, you're mine. You're only mine. You'll be my Candy, my little whore that services only me. You'll find new ways to fuck for me." 

Carol was lost in her feelings, the cock in her ass and his hands in her cunt were driving her wild. All she could say was "Yes master, Candy is your little fuck toy, your only fuck toy." She groaned again, building toward her climax. "Candy is yours and yours alone. FUCK ME HARDER, FUCK THIS BITCH'S ASS HARDER." With that, he slapped her ass and they both came. She felt the cum shoot in her ass as he stopped pumping her, pushing his cock into her as far as it would go. He attempted to keep frigging her cunt, but lost out to his own climax. They collapsed on the couch in one sweaty mass of two lovers.

They lay there holding each other. They never had a love making session that before in their lives. It was wonderful, and unsettling at the same time. They both looked at each other and kissed. Not a kiss of passion, but a kiss of romance and love. Who knew that marriage could be so wonderful? 

The temperature in the house was dropping, so John suggested a shower and moving upstairs where it would be warmer. She grabbed the drinks and their clothes, he grabbed the food, and the lube. They weren't going to stop this evening even if it killed them.

Carol got to the bathroom first and took care of business before John arrived. Some things were always going to remain off limits. But she started the shower, got the room warm, and stepped in. John was a minute behind her. He had loaded a special DVD into the player in the bedroom for later. She pulled the shower curtain on the side and kissed her husband while she pulled him in. 

Soap and hot water, washing and massaging each other, a shower with your lover is wonderful after having made love for the past hour and a half. Neither wanted to stop, and they kept each others interest heightened the entire time. She loved the feeling of being on her knees sucking him, feeling the shower spray over her. He licked her ass and fingered her as she bent over.

Drying off, they went to the bedroom for more to eat and drink. That is when John turned on the DVD. Laying there bed, holding each other, Carol and John saw some super 8 movies, that John had converted to DVD. It was their wedding, followed by their children growing up. Then came a black screen for 30 seconds, followed by hearing her at the birth of their granddaughter "I've been a jerk most of my life with you. How you stand to be around me?" Then came calendars showing their counseling sessions, his accident and Thanksgiving dinner. 

Carol was crying the entire time, from joy, from sorrow, from release. John too has tears in his eyes. He held her close and they kissed. "John, you know I will be a better wife this time, I can never forget what I did either." That was when he took out the DVD, gave it to her along with another one. 

"Carol, the one we saw was part of our lives. Do with the past what you may. That will never go away. But the second DVD is like the first, only with the good things kept. Do with that what you may too. It takes two to keep a marriage alive, more than just love."

With that, they kissed and hugged again. They ended this reunion day making slow and passionate love, aware that the future was in their collective hands.