48 comments/ 98974 views/ 2 favorites I Am Such A Fool By: DG Hear A lot of my stories have the same characteristics. There are only so many ways to cheat and fewer ways to have sex. I try to deal with the ways that couples handle their situations. Thank you to LadyCibelle and Techsan for editing my story. I made a number of changes after the editing, so any mistakes I take full responsibility for. * Most people wouldn't tell of the stupid things they have done. I wanted to tell my story so that other men out there wouldn't make the same stupid mistakes that I have. I'm a forty-five year old man who has been married since I was nineteen. I have two grown children who are now married and on their own. I grew up in a small town, could be Anywhere, USA. I met my wife, Glenna, when we were kids. We started dating as teenagers. She got pregnant shortly before graduation. We got married shortly thereafter and our life together had begun. I was able to get a decent job at the local factory, thanks to my dad. I made good money and worked hard at providing for my family. For the first year, we lived with Glenna's parents. I can't say they liked me but they did tolerate me for doing the right thing and marrying Glenna. I had no problem there. I really loved my wife and was happy that we were able to start our life together. After a year we were able to buy a mobile home and moved into it. Life was pretty good. Two years later we had our second child. Now we had a son and a daughter. I got clipped after that. We had our family and didn't want any more kids.. Some people told me I was too young for a vasectomy, but I didn't want Glenna to have to be on the pill or use other preventive measures. I joined a program at work to take college courses. They would pay for my schooling as long as I went for a degree and kept about a C average. It took me four years to get a two year degree; it wasn't easy but I did get it. I became a foreman at the plant shortly thereafter with a large raise in pay. I was now considered part of management. I worked my way up and after twenty years, I became head of one of the departments. It was as high as I could go unless I wanted more schooling. I should mention that I did take refresher courses throughout the years to help me get ahead. We were able after a few years to buy a nice home in decent neighborhood. We were the typical family about which so many people talk. To everyone we were the all American family: middle class with two kids and making a decent living. Our sex life was great, especially in our earlier married life. We didn't care where we did it. You have to remember we were like kids ourselves and we both loved doing it. After our second child we slowed down some but we still did it every week or at least whenever we could. I know other people have seen us making love. We did it in the car or even at a few parties we went to with friends. We often laugh when we think back at how open we were with our lovemaking. I guess we had a little exhibitionism in us. As we matured and our kids got older, we were a lot more private about our lovemaking. I will tell you that I never cheated on Glenna and she never cheated on me, to the best of my knowledge. I say this because neither of us ever refused the other. We didn't have to go outside of our marriage; our other half was always there for each other. Throughout our married life I brought up swapping and things of that nature to Glenna. She always told me in a nice way that she didn't want any other men. I was enough for her and she vowed to always be true to me. I have to be honest with you here. You might write and say what a bastard I am and a wimp or something else, but I do believe I'm pretty much a normal guy. I fantasized about seeing Glenna with other men. I even brought it up during some of our hot sex sessions. I would talk about how nasty she would be letting these men feel her up and stick their cocks in her. I brought many fantasies into our love making. I would go on-line and read all these stories about swapping. I have to tell you that if you read enough of these stories you start thinking differently. The older I got the more I would read these stories. I'd constantly ask myself if I missed out on something special. When we went to parties and I saw Glenna dance with other men, I had to wonder if they ever got a feel or even more. I would bring it up to Glenna when we were in the throes of passion. She would tell me that she always got felt up and how different men pressed up against her. When I asked her for names, she never gave any. If I mentioned any she would tell me to shut up and fuck her. If I ever mentioned it at other times than during our lovemaking, she would tell me that she only talks like that because she knows that's what I wanted to hear. She told me she would never intentionally let men feel her up. "You mean that you have never been approached by another man? A good looking women like you?" I asked. Glenna has always been a good looking woman. Maybe not calendar material but she always looked nice. "Gregg, get real. Every woman gets approached by men. It doesn't make any difference what she looks like. The thing is how a woman handles the situation. I let men know up-front that I'm married and not available. I love only one man and that's you." "Would you ever tell me if a man made advances toward you?" I asked. "Only if I couldn't handle the situation. Would you tell me if a woman grabbed your cock?" she laughed, trying to make light of the situation. "Probably not," I said. "I'm like you. I'd handle it or get it handled," I laughed. To be honest I really have to wonder if I could handle seeing her with another man. Fantasy is one thing but seeing it would totally change things between us. I read in these stories that if a husband and wife agree to swap partners that it's not cheating since you both agreed on it. I think I'd have to go along with that theory. It's something that I guess I'd never find out and I'm not sure whether I really wanted to. Maybe fantasies are best left that way. Here I am a forty-five year old man that has only been with one woman. I'm willing to bet not many men can say that. In one sense I'm proud of having been faithful to my wife. On the other side, I feel that I might have really missed out on the sexual side of life, especially after reading all these stories. A lot of them said they were true. Whenever I got the urge to cheat or the situation presented itself, I backed away. I will say that I've been drunk a couple of time and things got a little heated but I was always able to stop. I know I've always wondered "What if?" ------------------------ As of late I haven't been feeling very good. My stomach has been bothering me. After a few months and a half dozen bottles of antacids, Glenna made me go see the doctor. I hate doctors. I remember telling Glenna that people who see doctors get sick and die. Anyway I took a day off and went to see the doc. He ran some tests and took some x-rays and told me he would contact me with the results. He looked a bit concerned and when I asked him about it he told me he didn't want to say anything until the tests came back. Now I was worried. I received a call from the doctor's office the next day when I was at work and asked to come to the office after work. I knew this was serious. Doctors don't make appointments that quick for common ailments. They just give a prescription. Now I was very nervous. The doctor told me I had a growth on my intestines. He believed it to be a tumor and wanted me to make an appointment right away and get it removed. I knew what he was saying. I probably had cancer. "Is it cancer, Doc? You have to be up front with me here." "We don't know that for sure but, seeing cancer runs in your family, I would say there is a possible chance that it is cancerous. I'll know for sure when we take it out and run tests to see if it's benign or not. Either way it has to come out," said the doctor. "I don't think so, Doc. I don't think I'm going to have it taken out yet," I replied. "What? You have to have it taken out. If you don't it will surely kill you," responded the doctor. This is when I told him the story of my father dying of cancer three years ago. My father was a big proud man. He was a good family man and always did what he felt was right for us. One day during a routine physical, the doctor found a growth on his colon. After opening him up the tumor turned out to be cancerous. They removed what they could but the cancer had spread. He was sewn back up and given radiation treatments. My father fought for his life for the next two months. At his death, he was just a shell of the man he once was. My mother waited on him hand and foot, night and day, both of them hoping that my father might beat the odds. I watched him suffer day after day. I vowed to myself that if I ever had cancer that I would never put my family through the agony of watching me die. I truly believe that if my father would have just let it go that he would have died much sooner but would have left this world with a little more dignity. He told me more than once that he felt so bad putting all this worry on my mother. I know it not only took its toll on my dad but my mom as well. She died of a heart attack six months after the passing of my dad. I had to believe the loss of my dad had something to do with it. "Doc, I have my affairs in order. We had an insurance review done recently. My wife will be well taken care of and I'm not about to put her through what my mom went though. Without the surgery, how long will I last?" "Gregg, you can't be serious. The tumor might even be benign." "In that case doc, it won't kill me. If it isn't benign, how long do I have, Doc?" "I can't say, Gregg; I won't even venture a guess. You need to let us take it out as soon as possible. What are you going to say to Glenna and the kids?" asked the doctor. "If you give me pain pills I'll just tell them I have ulcers or something. Doc, you have to try to understand. I'm doing this for them as well as for myself. We do have doctor-patient privilege here, don't we?" "Yes, Gregg, we do, even though I think you're making the wrong choice. I will write up a report as to your condition and you will have to sign it. I hope you understand," said the doc. "I do, Doc. Look at the bright side. If I'm still alive a month from now, maybe we'll take another look and run a biopsy," I tried to smile. I signed the form releasing the doctor of any wrongdoing. He gave me a prescription for pain and even for antacids. I left his office trying to figure out what to tell Glenna and what to do with the remainder of my life. Glenna and I have always had a good relationship. I didn't want to lie to her but I didn't want to put her through any unnecessary pain. Let's say I had a week or a month left. Why bother her with it. There's nothing she could do about it and besides, knowing her, it would be one big argument about me giving up. God, I'm so confused. My head keeps turning and turning. I know I'm doing the right thing and yet to know my life is about over... damn it! My emotions are running amuck. "Why, God? Why me? There are things I never got to do. Oh, shit! What am I thinking? I'm dying and thinking about the sexual desires I never had fulfilled. Maybe, just maybe I ought to fulfill some of them." The following week I had a trip to Nevada for a meeting. Originally I was going to cancel and have someone else go in my place, but now I thought I'd take advantage of the situation and just do a couple of the things that I used to fantasize about. It would probably be my last chance to go out with a bang. I guess I thought of it as a pun. When Glenna came home from work she asked me about the doctor visit. She said she thought I looked out of sorts and wondered what happened. I explained to her that I had an ulcer and the doctor gave me a prescription and antacids for it. I was supposed to go see him in another month or so and he would run some more tests. She looked at me and hugged me. I can't honestly say that she believed me. I was out of sorts and my mind was filled with confusion. She knew that I had the meeting planned the following week and asked me if I was still going. I told her I was and that maybe getting away for a week would be good for me. I even joked and said, "Maybe I can get rid of some of this stress." My stomach was hurting and I took a couple of the pain pills before going to bed. When Glenna got into bed I nearly attacked her. When she lay down I started kissing her and feeling her breasts. "Gregg, are you alright?" she asked. "I just want you so bad," I said as I lowered my fingers down over her mound and started fingering her. I got between her legs and started eating her out like I used to do years before. I was acting more like a teenager in heat than a forty five year old man. Eventually Glenna got into the game and started pumping into my face. I don't know how long I ate her pussy but I made sure she climaxed. I then climbed up and spread her legs and entered her. I drove my cock into her with abandonment. In my mind I was thinking that this could be our last time together and I was going to do everything I could for her. Even though we made love regularly, we never went at it like this. I just couldn't get enough of my wife. Somehow, and in someway, I felt she knew more than she was saying as she went along with all my desires. She even did oral on me which is something she didn't do unless she was drunk or at least had a lot to drink. The next day as I left for the trip she told me how much she loved me and to be careful. I told her how much I loved her also and that I would see her the following week. I had gotten into our savings and withdrew twenty thousand dollars the day I left the doctor's office. If I were to splurge in Reno, I would need money. This was a special account that we had set up strictly for retirement. I had money transferred each month into it. I figured I'd never be alive to use any of it so I took enough to hopefully live my fantasy. ------------------------- In Reno, Nevada, we had meetings in the mornings and we were on our own in the evenings. I went to the meetings on Monday and Tuesday. My stomach was bothering me so I called in and told them I wouldn't be in on Wednesday. They had my paper work delivered to my hotel room. At least I could have a chance to review it. On Monday evening I went to one of the bars and watched the young women do striptease. It was the way that I had always pictured it on the TV episodes that took place in places like Las Vegas. Women constantly came up to me and I bought them drinks. On the stage were these dancers almost nude. On Monday night I asked one of the young ladies if she was free for the evening. She came to my room but she sure wasn't free. When we got to the room I had so much to drink that I wasn't feeling much pain. She danced for me and then went down on me. It was over in a matter of minutes when I suddenly shot my load all over her breasts. She had pulled it out of her mouth just as I let loose. It was good but I guess I expected more. I did feel a spot of guilt. It was the first time in my life that I had cheated on my wife. The next evening my stomach was bothering me even more. I hooked up with a bellhop who said he could get me drugs for my upset stomach. He came back with a man who offered me some weed already rolled in cigarette form. It cost me but I do feel it helps with the pain. His name was Roger and he and I went down to the bar and met some of his friends who were on their way to a party. They asked me along and I accepted. The party was at a large house off the beaten path. Admission was a hundred dollars and you still had to buy your own drinks. The place was packed. The women seemed wild. The kind that you see on TV going to these dark clubs. It was like one of those places. Lots of flashing lights and very loud music. There were a lot of drugs and drinking going on. I ended up on a couch with two nearly nude women, probably in their late twenties. We all had smoked more weed. It seemed to help my stomach ailment so I wasn't feeling any pain. The three of us ended up in a room and it was the first time I was ever involved in a threesome. These two gals took turns riding my cock while the other sat on my face. I was really out of it and did the best I could. Besides buying the drinks and weed, these women cost me three hundred dollars each. I'd like to say I really enjoyed it but I could only remember parts of it. I passed out and when I awoke the next morning I called a cab to take me back to my hotel. That's when I called the office and told them I wouldn't be in that day. I took more pills because my stomach felt bad. The guy who sold me the weed was gone but I was able to get some off the Bellhop. I headed over to this lounge. For some reason, I wasn't into these young girls. Maybe they reminded me of my daughter or something. Anyway, I saw a woman sitting at the bar by herself. She was a stunning woman, probably around forty, give or take a couple of years. She was built great. She had on a sequined dark blue dress that was resting high on her thighs. The dress was low-cut enough to see the valley between her breasts. I couldn't help staring at her. She made me think of Glenna, remembering how I would have these fantasies of her sitting in a bar when I would come in and ask her to dance or whatever. The lady smiled at me. I asked her if the stool next to her was taken. "No," she said. "If you would like to talk, we could sit in a booth together." I jumped at the idea. Her name was Maureen. We sat in the booth and made small talk. I liked being with a woman of this age. The conversation seemed more real and so was the background music. Much more toward my tastes. I asked her if she was married when I saw the ring on her finger. "Yes, I am. We have an open marriage. Would you like to go up to my room with me?" she asked. I asked her where her husband was and she told me he would be there. He was a voyeur. He liked to watch his beautiful wife with other men. Of course I was hesitant. She assured me that he was a very quiet and gentle man. He wouldn't interfere; he never has, she told me. I've read so many stories about marriages like this. I decided to go for it. What did I have to lose? When we got to her room, her husband Walter introduced himself. He assured me that he wouldn't bother us but enjoyed watching his wife having sex with other men. Maureen changed into a light robe with nothing under it. She started undressing me as Walter poured us all a drink. I had to wonder if this was the kind of guy that I fantasized being. Sitting in the corner watching my wife have sex with other men? I was naked and lying on the bed with Maureen. I visualized Glenna and started making love to Maureen as though she was Glenna. I squeezed her breasts and started eating her out. I turned around into a sixty-nine position and continued sucking her clit while she sucked on my cock. I couldn't believe it when I looked over at Walter and saw him masturbate while I was doing his wife. After our oral manipulations we took a slight break and I smoked a weed and had another drink. I even popped a couple more pills. Walter didn't say anything as I lay back on the bed and Maureen mounted me and slipped my cock into her wet hot pussy. I honestly couldn't believe I was doing this. Maureen was doing most of the work as she bounced up and down on my cock. When she climaxed I saw her juices coating my cock. She kept going up and down till her climax was complete and her pussy stopped pulsating. Maureen got off of me and lay down beside me and was rubbing my chest. I hadn't come a second time yet. Probably because of the pills, drinks and weed. My cock was standing tall and wet with Maureen's juices on it, when Walter came over to the foot of the bed and put his mouth over my cock. I Am Such A Fool I couldn't believe this. I can't believe that this man would come over and suck his wife's juices off my cock. I was out of it and let him give me a blowjob. Maureen kept kissing me and pressing her boobs into my chest. I felt a climax coming and just let it go. I couldn't see Walter but I knew he was sucking me dry. When I finished coming I laid there cuddled up with Maureen and eventually passed out. When I woke up a while later they were gone. I called the front desk and was told they left an hour before. I could stay in the room seeing it was rented for the night. I took a shower and went back, lay on the bed and thought about all that had happened in the last couple of days. I was torn inside. I loved my wife with all my heart but here I was trying to live a fantasy that wasn't real. These young girls just gave up their body for money. They didn't care who they fucked or sucked. They didn't love me. Maureen and Walter were the type of couple I suggested to Glenna in our fantasies that we should be. I was wrong. I could never sit there and watch the woman I love being taken by another man. I think I would prefer to die than be like Walter; getting his jollies by watching other men with his wife and sucking other men's cocks. My little escapade into fantasy land wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I honestly wished I wouldn't have done it. Seeing it on TV or the movies is one thing, but when you are part of it, it wasn't at all the way I thought it would be. Even though it might have felt good, it was disappointing to me. Maybe I was just too eager due to my sickness, I don't know. My mind and body was just full of confusion. I was in my own room the next day when I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I called the front desk before I passed out. ---------------------- My eyes were closed but I could hear voices and feel a numbness in my body. I couldn't make out any words but I did hear voices and sound. Was I dead? Was I in that twilight zone you hear about before going to Heaven or Hell? I would totally black out and come to hearing the sounds again. I couldn't move or open my eyes. My whole body felt numb. I was in this area of my brain where all I could think about was my life. My past was flashing before me. I could see Glenna and me making love for the first time. God, how I loved her and here I was never going to see her again. I thought about how I was there for the birth of my two kids. Now they were all grown up and starting families of their own. God, I wish I could have said goodbye but I really didn't want to worry them. I felt sad never being able to hold my grandchildren. Was this what it was like in the twilight zone? Maybe I was wrong; maybe I should have tried to live, to spend another month or so with my family. God, what was happening to me? I just wanted to hold my Glenna one more time before seeing the bright light that I had always heard about. I realized how wrong I was. I didn't miss out on anything sexual. I had it all with Glenna. I just never realized it. Whether it was oral or anal or even doggie style, Glenna was always there for me. How could I have been so stupid, what a fool I was, thinking I had missed out, when I had it all. After we had made love we always cuddled in each other's arms and when I awoke each morning, she was still there for me. It felt like I was nearing the light. I could start to see light. I felt my hand being held and squeezed, a voice saying everything will be alright. All of a sudden my eyes opened and it was so bright. I had to keep squinting. I looked over where the voice was coming from. It was Glenna; she was holding my hand. "Everything will be alright Gregg," she kept saying. I had a hard time focusing and I tried to speak but I had tubes in my mouth. Where was I? This wasn't Heaven or Hell. I'm almost sure it was a hospital. I looked over at Glenna who had tears in her eyes but was smiling at me. I then fell back into a deep sleep. Later when I awoke I could see a nurse standing there. She leaned over and was doing things to me. Adjusting the tubes in me and checking gauges on the machine. When she saw that I was awake she talked to me. "Good Morning, Gregg. You have been through a lot. You have tubes in your throat so you won't be able to talk. Your wife stepped out to get a cup of coffee. She'll be back in a few minutes. I know you have a lot of questions and we will try to get them all answered. You have had some major surgery. You've been here for four days now. I'll wait till the doctor comes in and explains it all to you. The best thing for you is rest. If you feel numb or confused, it's because we have you under some heavy medication. The doctor will be here in a few minutes to see you." After doing her tests or whatever she left my room. It looked like intensive care by all the machines I was hooked up to. A few minutes later Glenna came into my room smiling when she saw me awake. "I see you're awake again. Honey, everything is going to be fine. They are talking about taking you out of intensive care tomorrow and putting you in a regular room." Glenna leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. "I love you Gregg. I'll always be here for you." I tried to tell her I loved her but it was impossible so I tried to tell her with my eyes. I needed to know what surgery I had. The last thing I remembered was the stomach pain was unbearable and passing out. What hospital was I in? Was I in Nevada or Ohio? Where and when did Glenna show up? Did she know about the tumor? God, I needed answers. About that time a doctor came in. I had never seen him before. "Good Morning, Mr. Wilson. I'm Doctor James. I know things are foggy right now but I'll try to tell you a few things. You were brought here four days ago. We weren't sure what had happened to you. All we knew is you were passed out. We saw your pain killers and figured a possible overdose. We also had your wallet. We pumped out whatever drugs you had in your system and we put you on a respirator and contacted your wife. We told her you were passed out and she told us about your so-called ulcer. "We contacted your doctor and he told us about the tumor. You were unconscious so we asked your wife what she wanted us to do. She said to remove it. We took you into surgery and spent nearly eight hours removing the large tumor and a few small ones that we also found attached to your intestines. To the best of our knowledge we got them all. We did a biopsy and they were cancerous." I closed my eyes hearing the worst. I had cancer and now I was going to put my family through hell till I died. This brought tears to my eyes till I heard Glenna speak. "Gregg, they got it all out. You'll have to go through some chemotherapy to make sure but the doctor said you will make it. Within a month or so you'll be somewhat back to normal." "Mr. Wilson," said the doctor. "You're a very lucky man. If that tumor would have burst inside of you, there would have been nothing we could have done. You'll be sore for some time. It will take a while for your insides to heal. Of course barring any infections you should be able to go home within the week." The doctor squeezed my hand and smiled. "I'll have you transferred to a room tomorrow. We'll take the tubes out of your throat in a couple of hours. You'll be on liquids for a couple of days and then soft food." After the doctor left Glenna started talking to me. "I wondered why you were acting so funny before you went on this trip. Now I know why we had that great love making session before you left. If I didn't love you so much I would hate you for lying to me. "I talked to Doc Elliot and he told me you signed a paper for him not to tell me. I hated you for that until the doctor told me why. After he found out I knew about your tumor he told me the story about your dad. You forgot the part where we all had a chance to say goodbye to him and tell him how much we loved him. How we reminisced with him about you growing up and all the wonderful stories he told us. "How do you think Marty and Brenda would have felt not being able to say goodbye to their father? Gregg, we're a family; you don't have to go through times like this alone. Good times and bad, for better or for worse, through sickness or in health, I took a vow to always be there for you. I want you to remember that. "By the way, there is someone here who wants to see you. I'm staying in your hotel room with a couple of friends," smiled Glenna. Who would she be staying with? Surely she didn't find out about my little venture into fantasy land. Please, God, tell me she's not getting even with me. I looked up and there stood my son and daughter standing next to their mother. "Hi, Dad," said Brenda as she kissed my forehead. "You scared us to death. Mom flew out on the first flight to Reno. Marty and I got here yesterday. Our spouses are taking care of your grandkids. God, Dad, we love you so much. Mom has hardly left your side. We're here for you, Dad, just remember that." I knew I had tears in my eyes. My son Marty came over and talked to me also. He told me that Brenda and he would be staying for a couple of more days. He was so glad that I was going to make it. He told me he needed me around for a few more years to help explain women to him. He wanted to make sure that I told him the key to a successful marriage. Glenna and Brenda both laughed. They knew that no man would ever understand women. Epilogue: I was released from the hospital in Reno four days later. I did take chemotherapy for two months until Doc Elliot gave me a clean bill of health. He never questioned my decision even though he knew it was wrong. He really is a good doctor. It was three months before Glenna and I started making love again. We did a lot of hugging and cuddling until then. I did use my fingers on her most all the time. She even used her hand on me at least once a week. The first few times it did hurt in my stomach region. I guess it pulled my stomach muscles which took the longest to heal. When we were back making love I told Glenna how much I loved her. Being with her and making love to her was like no other. We knew each other's likes and dislikes and I knew what made her climax. I hoped that she would never find out that I cheated on her. It was a mistake I could never take back and would always remember. One night after making love and she was lying next to me she said she had a question for me. "What is it, Honey?" I asked. "Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" she asked. "Of course I do. Why would you ask such a question? You are my life," I replied. "Did you get it out of your system, you know, your fantasies? Please don't lie to me," she asked. She knew. How? I will never know. She could read me like a book. Maybe she just knew I was never able to get away with lying to her. She had some kind of special intuition. "I love you, Glenna. I don't ever want to be with another women. I don't need fantasies; I have you. If you have any questions for me, I promise you I will be honest with you." I knew I couldn't lie to her. If she would ask me about my cheating, I would tell her. I would hope that it wouldn't end our marriage. After all I did it because I thought I was dying. It might not be a good enough reason but it was the truth. Glenna looked me straight in the eye. "Gregg, they say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. The same thing goes for Reno. I hope you learned your lesson. I have no questions for you but it better never happen again." To this day I honestly believe she understood. She really was a one of a kind woman and I was very lucky to have her. It's been five years and three more grandkids later and Glenna has never brought it up again. I thank God every day for Glenna. She really is my life, my rock. If anything the operation has shown us how vulnerable life is. We can be taken any day so we make sure that our last words every night are "I love you." * Thank you for reading my story Comments are always welcome, I do understand that not every story is for everyone. DG Hear