98 comments/ 125854 views/ 14 favorites How High a Price: Susan's Story By: andrewpeters This story is a sequal to the story "How High a Price" by the Troubador, a story where a husband discovers that his wife has cheated on him, and confronts her. If you haven't read that story yet, please read it before this one, and hopefully, you will get more enjoyment out of this story. A number of different endings have been written to this story, of varying types and scenarios. I'd like to think this is somewhat realistic, and hopefully you, the reader will agree. I would like to thank the Troubador's wife, Pam, for assistance in editing an early draft of this story. As I sat there, unable to move, and watched my devastated husband walk out the back door of our house, I tried to understand, how I had gotten us to this point, to the real possibility that our marriage may have been irrevocably harmed, and finished. I thought back to the beginning of this week, a week that started as many others had in the past, but weeks that had never jepordized our love. We had a strong marriage, based on our deep love for, and trust in each other. I don't think either of us had ever felt threatened, or given the other reason to be concerned about that love. In fact, I don't think I could have had a better husband, and I know he felts the same way about me. As I headed to work that Monday morning, I was almost relieved that my husband, Early was away on business for the week, not that I was glad to be rid of him, but this week was a crucial week for me, career wise. I'm an attorney trying to work my way up to a partnership in the most prestigious firm in the area. It isn't easy for a woman, despite the changing times. Yet I'd been fairly successful to date, and was pleased when I was selected to head up the legal work in an extremely complicated business deal, worth millions to the respective parties and a very hefty fee to our firm. It was hinted that if I could pull the deal off to the satisfaction of our extremely finicky client, the partnership I desired would be mine. It had been my goal for a long time as I felt a partnership would tell the world that I'd arrived as well as providing a better lifestyle for us. Early has always accepted the fact that my career often involves working extra hours to meet deadlines, but this week would be far more hectic than any other I could remember. I knew that I would have to put in extra hours, and that things would be quite tense, as our clients had called on Sunday to tell us that the timelines had changed, and that if the deal wasn't finished this week, it would collapse. With Early away, I would have no problem devoting my entire week to this project. Even though Early was away, I was comforted by the fact that we would talk every night, just as we always did if one of us was out of town. He had given me his meeting schedule, and I'd filled him in on my expected plans. I was quite concerned, as negotiations hadn't gone as smoothly as I would've liked. Our clients indicated they felt that things weren't progressing to their satisfaction. I was afraid that I'd be removed from the file as some senior partners expressed doubt in my ability to pull it off. That's when John stepped up. John Stickner was a senior partner and one of the sharpest minds in the office. He told the others that he'd be pleased to work with me on the file. He said he was confident I could pull things together for the benefit of the client and the firm. Once he said this, you could see the others back down. The workload was extreme. Meetings with the respective parties went on constantly in an attempt to finalize details. The work in putting the formal agreement in place would be intense. The pace was extremely hectic for all of us. John is about 15 years older than I am, and an accomplished lawyer. He is quite intense when he works, but very charming in relaxed, social circumstances. He has always been very friendly to me, flirting a bit, and making comments with a sexual innuendo, to which I responded in kind. Maybe the fact I knew he had been divorced for years, let me accept and respond to the sexual nature of his teasing. I have a great secretary, Jennifer, who has worked for me for a number of years. She is always there to work any necessary hours to meet deadlines and never complains about the intense workload. I know I can always count on her to help me pull things off. As the week went on, things were nuts. John was always there to offer advice and discuss ideas while letting me run things. When he spoke up during the countless meetings, he always left the impression that he was communicating on my behalf. I understood from others that he was giving me a lot of credit when talking to the partners. But I felt that without his experience and expertise, I wouldn't have gained the necessary confidence of our clients. Every night, I made sure to phone Early at his hotel. While we discussed our day, Because I knew that his work was quite important to, and the fact I didn't want him worrying about me, I didn't let him know how worried I was about pulling this deal off. On Wednesday matters reached an impasse. Lengthy meetings didn't resolve the major issues. When we took a supper break, I took the opportunity to make my call to Early. I indicated to him that I was quite busy and would be in the office the next day working on the file. Then, just after supper a major breakthrough occurred. All the parties got together and worked on hammering out the details and signing the contract before anybody changed their mind. Following the meeting with the client, we got busy in putting together the necessary paperwork. John made countless helpful comments, pointing out little things that would enhance the agreement, while Jennifer slaved away tirelessly in producing the documents. Just before midnight we were getting too tired to think straight and agreed to go home and come in early the next morning to wrap things up. After a few more hectic hours at the office, we produced a strong, enforceable agreement that met with our clients approval, and passed muster when reviewed by the attorneys for the other side. Just before noon, everybody met at our offices to sign the document. I had pulled it off!!. Albeit with lots of help, especially from John. I realized that without his help, I may not have pulled it off, but because of it, I may get my partnership! I looked at Jennifer, and realized the tremendous pressure she'd been under to get the document done with the strain from the extra hours she'd put in. I told her to take the rest of the week off, she'd earned it. As we were talking, John stepped in to say that he was going to take me for a celebration lunch and I likely wouldn't be in the rest of today. Despite my initial protests, he wouldn't take no for an answer from me, telling me that he'd let the receptionist and the senior partners know we'd be gone. Of course, after what John had done to help me, there was no way in the world I would have denied him my company for lunch. I felt it was the least I could do, after all, I was in the mood to celebrate. I knew that without his help, there was no way that I could have pulled off the deal, the one that should deliver my partnership. We agreed to meet at one of the areas fancier restaurants. As I was stepping out of my office, I ran into Mr. Jensen, one of the Senior partners. "Susan, great job. I understand from John that you did a fantastic job, and the clients are thrilled. I'm sure that your work will be considered quite highly when the partnership committee meets." As I drove to meet John, I couldn't help but scream with excitement, thankful for the closed windows of my car. When I got to the restaurant, I thought of Early and pulled out his itinerary for the week. "Darn, he's in meetings until after supper, I wanted to call and let him know that it looks like he'll be married to a partner. I'll just have to wait until tonight". I knew how proud of me he'd be! John and I had a wonderful meal, perhaps with a bit too much wine. He was glowing in his praise for the job I'd done, almost convincing me it had been all my effort. He told me I'd be a cinch to get a partnership out of this. I knew better, "Come on John, we both know that without your help, your pushing and prodding, things never would've come together. I might get the partnership, and you know how much that means to me. But there is no way I would've been able to do it on my own. I owe you, and I owe you big time!" Following that the conversation continued, but in a more relaxed joking way, and yes, it was filled with a lot of sexual innuendo. I'm sure the quantity of wine I'd drunk allowed me to carry on the way I did, finally saying "You know John, after what you did for me this last while, I'd do anything for you" While I hadn't meant it in that fashion, I wasn't totally surprised, in light of the way that the conversation was being handled, when John responded with a bit of a leer, "Wow, that's a pretty inviting statement from such a pretty lady. It conjures up a whole lot of possibilities. I just might have to take you up on it." "Well John, I mean it, I owe you big time!" " In that case, Susan, will you spend the weekend with me?', half laughing as he said it. I laughed, "While I did say anything John, but that what wasn't quite what I had in mind, though it might be fun." Then, it must have been a combination of the booze and the incredible high I was on, I said in a teasing way, "You know John, Early is away for a few days, so it's now or never." "Susan, I would like this more than anything else" suddenly very serious. We both looked at each other, I don't know who was more surprised when I agreed. I told him I needed to stop home and grab a few things. He followed me in his car as I drove home. It was then that the first doubt crept in to my mind, what was I doing? At the same time I rationalized, that just because I went there didn't mean that I was going to do anything, and if I did, I did owe John more than anything. Yet, I'd never been unfaithful and I knew Early hadn't either. We'd both seen relationships broken because one of the partners screwed around, and both of us vowed that we would never let it happen to us. But at the same time, I was telling myself that without John, I wouldn't be in line for this partnership, and I owed him more than I could ever imagine. After all, it was only sex, and Early was away, and he'd never know. And because of John, Early would be able to share the benefits of the partnership with me. I got to the house and grabbed an overnight bag and filled it. I didn't take my sexiest negligee, that was for Early only! However, what I grabbed wasn't sackcloth either. I looked at my watch as I got in my car to follow John to his house. It was almost 6:00, lunch had lasted far longer than I'd thought. As I drove behind him, I started to panic and almost turned around and went home. But I followed John to his home and parked my BMW beside his garage. We were both quiet when we got in the front door. "Susan, you don't have to do this if you don't want to, but I can tell you how much this will mean to me, I have always admired you so" "John, a large part of me tells me that I should run, I've never done anything like this before in my life, but I owe you so much. You know how much the partnership means to me, and because of you it looks like I'll get it. I may regret this, but I'm on such a high right now, this seems right. But remember, this is one time and one time only. I love my husband dearly, and always will. After I leave here, it's over and you can't ask me to do this again. But now, I'm here." "I understand, but I want you so much." With that he put his hands on my shoulders and kissed me, ever so gently, then gradually as I responded, with increasing passion. My bag was left by the door, as we moved, still locked together to the living room, where we half fell to a sitting position on the large sofa. I remember how soft the cushions felt as we sunk into the sofa, and I vaguely remember the view as I glanced out the large picture windows, over the forest behind his home. Our faces were pressed together, our bodies clenched more closely, as our tongues duelled with each others. I gasped as I felt his hand on my breast, I could feel my nipple harden. Without thinking I dropped my hand on his lap, and could feel his erection. I stroked it through his pants for a minute, feeling it grow beneath my hand. Then I pulled away from the kissing, my hand shaking as I unzipped his pants. I reached into his boxers, and pulled his cock out into the light. I looked closely at it, a drop of precum glistening from the slit on the purple helmet. Without thinking I leaned further over, and stuck my tongue out, running it over the top of the glistening head. I took his cock in my hand, stroking it up and down, as I ran my tongue all around it. As I was doing this my brain was telling me "Susan, what are you doing, what about Early," but at the same time my pussy was telling me, "Keep this up girl, look how wet you're panties are." I knew I shouldn't be doing this, yet I knew I had too, for I owed John more than I ever thought I would owe anybody anything. With that rationalization, I opened my mouth wide and slid it over the head of that cock. By now I was too far gone to stop, even though I knew I should. I sucked that cock, not quite deep throating it, I probably could have, for it wasn't as long or as thick as Early's, though it was big enough. I pulled my mouth off and ran my tongue down the shaft, then sucked his balls into my mouth, at the same time keeping a stroking motion with my hand. I could feel his hands on my head, running his fingers through my hair, moaning softly as I ran my tongue up, and closed my mouth over the head. Up and down on it I bobbed, finally feeling John tense up, hearing him tell me that he was going to cum. When I heard that I just kept my mouth moving, sucking that cock as hard as I could, feeling that final tensing before he exploded into my mouth. Considering his age, he came quite a bit, but I managed to swallow all of it. Gradually I pulled my mouth off, extending my tongue to do a final clean up of his cock. Surprisingly, we still had all our clothes on, though John's pants were open, with the necessary parts hanging out. For the next few minutes we lay like that, John leaning back, with my head on his chest. "Susan, words can not describe how wonderful that was, it has been a long time since any body has done that to me. But now its my turn to return the favour." With that John sat up and kissed me gently, moving his hands around to my side, sliding down the zipper to my skirt. I raised my hips as he gently pulled the skirt out from under me, leaving me lying there in my blouse, panties and stockings held in place by a garter belt, a concession to one of Early's fetishes. I could see from the glow in his eyes that he was admiring the sight, and I was glad that I was wearing sexy lingerie, and not just a pair of cotton panties. He gently started to stroke my pussy through my panties, and yes, my pussy had been right when it was telling me that they were soaked. I raised my hips a second time as he pulled the panties down, his breathing getting huskier as they moved past my thighs. As he pulled the panties off and dropped them on the floor, he gently started to stroke my lips. I groaned as his fingers first touched my clit, sending sparks throughout my body. Then I felt his tongue moving up my lips, his fingers pulling them apart as it delved into me, tasting my juices, moving up and down, flicking across my clit. It felt wonderful, though my brain tried to tell me that it wasn't Early doing this. Early, my husband, the man I loved, the only man who had touched me in that intimate way since we first dated back in college. I momentarily panicked, and was ready to pull away, when he sucked my clit between his lips and slid a finger deep into my vagina. At that moment I lost the ability to think rationally. I thrashed about as the feeling overcame me, until at last his fingers and tongue brought me to orgasm. As I was coming down I felt something else, and looked up to see him poised between my thighs, his cock starting to push into me. I thrust my hips up to meet him, and felt him fill me up. As he fucked me, I thought of Early, and knew I shouldn't be doing this. But it was to late to stop. While I won't deny that it felt good, part of me knew it wasn't my husband making love to me. For one thing, it wasn't gentle and loving, as it was with Early, in fact it was a pretty hard fucking I was getting compared to what I was used to. But still I responded, for I owed it to John. Finally he groaned and came inside me. It was only then that I realized that I'd had unprotected sex. At least I was on the pill, for Early and I wanted to wait a little longer before children, and I hoped John was clean. I couldn't help but laugh a bit as he pulled out of me. Somehow he had removed his pants, but the two of us were still fully clothed above the waist, save for his tie which was hanging undone around his neck. After a few minutes I told him I needed a shower. He led me upstairs, both of us quiet, and showed me the bathroom. I undid my blouse, and took off my bra, looking at myself in the mirror, bits of dried cum around my mouth, and cum dripping down my thighs. Thoughts of what I'd done kept running through my mind, guilt pouring over me as I stood under the shower. I tried to rationalize things in my mind. I wanted the partnership, and without John's help I wouldn't be in line for it. I owed him big time! Early wasn't home, and thank god, he would never know. I told myself that yes, I'd finish what I started, but never again! I loved Early too much to risk my marriage. Looking back , I realize that I never thought of it in the context of hurting him, or even that he would be hurt. I only thought of it as being unfair to Early because of my love for him, and of paying John back for his help. While drying off, I looked at my watch, it was after 9:00! "Oh god, I've got to phone Early! I should have called an hour ago." Panicking I pulled my cell phone out of my purse, and looked up the number of his hotel. My panic increased in spades when they told me that he'd checked out earlier today. "Please god, don't let him be home." I tried his cel and breathed a sigh of relief when he answered, "Early, I was beginning to wonder if something had gone wrong! I called your hotel after dinner and they said you had checked out. Are you alright?" "Yes, just a minor change of plans, where are you?" I started to breath again, for he sounded ok, and not angry. I was safe! "I'm home, just finished cleaning up the kitchen. Its been lonely around here tonight." I held my breath as I asked him "Will you be home Sunday as scheduled? Where are you staying?" "Well, I'll be home all day Sunday, no problem. We moved our negotiations to their company headquarters, you can reach me on my cel. Anything unusual come up today? I tried to get you at the office this afternoon." I thought quickly, "Oh well... no, nothing special. I must have been tied up with John Stickner at the time. He got me through the mess on the Melrose account, I owe him big time for that." meaning that wholeheartedly. Now with some excitement I told him "Honey, after I was able to turn that disaster around it looks like I'm going to get that partnership! Mr. Jensen practically promised it to me. Isn't that great!" Now when I look back I realize that my relief and excitement probably made me miss the lack of enthusiasm in his voice as he told me how wonderful it was, and agreed we would celebrate on his return. After some general chitchat, I hung up, thinking we should have been home together, sharing this career defining triumph. How High a Price: Susan's Story I walked downstairs, wearing a heavy robe I'd found over my negligee. John met me with a drink, "Susan, we probably should talk. I know you're feeling guilty, but this has been beyond my wildest dreams, and very special to me. And nobody's been hurt! I know that you'll go home to Early, but please, don't leave now. Stay with me until you have to be home for him." He looked so happy, yet so sad, at the thought of being left alone. I knew that if I went home now, I would be torn apart, festering in guilt until Early came home. If I stayed, I'd be reminded of what I had done, but at least I wouldn't be alone. I made up my mind, "John, I told you this would be a one time thing, and I still mean it, but time isn't up yet, Early won't be home until Sunday, I'll stay for now. After all, I did tell you that I'd do anything for you" We sat in front of the fireplace, cuddling together on the sofa, but not making love again. Finally we went to bed. It seemed strange to sleep with somebody other than Early. Maybe that's why I'd trouble sleeping that night. When I awoke in a strange room I started to panic, forgetting where I was. Just then John entered carrying a glass of orange juice. "Good morning Susan, I've got bacon and eggs ready downstairs when you're ready." Breakfast conversation was a little awkward, but gradually became more comfortable. A little later I went upstairs to get dressed. As I pulled a sweater over my head, I glanced out the window. I thought I saw a dark green Explorer drive by, just like the one Early and I had purchased to tow our camping trailer! My heart went into my throat! Then I realized that there must be a number of vehicles like that around, and Early didn't like to drive it unless necessary. Most importantly, I told myself, Early was in Los Angeles. We actually had an enjoyable afternoon, spending a lot of it talking shop. I learned a lot from John, as he gave me various tips on things to do, avoid or to watch for. He barbecued steaks for supper and opened a nice bottle of wine. To that point, we hadn't had sex since the first hurried bout down stairs last night. Thinking of what John had told me, about how special this was to him, I decided that I owed him one more time. I led him upstairs to the bedroom and told him to sit. As he watched me, I undressed, taking my time so he could enjoy the view. The look in his eyes as I pulled the sweater over my head, and reached around to unhook my bra and saw my breasts for the first time was something to see. I could tell how special this was to him. Even though I knew in my heart that it was wrong, I again told myself to relax, it was only sex, and I owed him big time. "Nobody would be hurt, Early will never know, and it'll never happen again", I told myself. Remembering how aggressive he was last night, and how sore I was I decided that I'd take control and told him to lie down. While I didn't want to give him another blow job, I did take his cock into my mouth and worked it until it was fully erect. As I did this I slid one hand between my legs and stroked myself, in part to ensure that I was wet enough, and in part to try and excite myself so I'd enjoy it more. When I felt we were both ready, I straddled him and slowly sank down onto his cock, feeling it fill my pussy. I have to admit that it did feel good, but something was missing! I tried to build up as he neared his orgasm, and the way he played with my breasts helped, but I knew I wouldn't cum. Then it hit me, whenever we did it this way, Early would tease my nipples, and when he sensed that one of us was close, he'd reach out and play with my clit, helping me to reach orgasm. It was less hurried than yesterday, and enjoyable. But still, it didn't feel right as he finally deposited his load deep inside me. I didn't achieve orgasm, though I think I fooled him into believing I had. After a while I told John I needed to clean up and went into the bathroom. As I sat there, I realized I was again late in calling Early. What if he had phoned me? Thank god he didn't mention trying when I got him. I told him that I was getting ready for bed, which in fact I was. I was a little surprised when after I commented about the big lonely bed in our bedroom, he responded by saying how lonely such a big bed could be. When it was time to hang up I told him how much I loved him, meaning every word, and was happy to hear him tell me he loved me more than his own life. And I did love him, and knew I always would. He was everything I could ever want in a husband. After I hung up, it just didn't feel right. The sound of his voice told me something was wrong and I couldn't shake that feeling. When I came out, John sensed it, and asked me what was bothering me. "I just had my daily talk with Early, and I know something's wrong. I don't think he knows, but at the same time the tone of his voice, the way he sounded, tells me that all is not well." John talked to me, trying to convince me that I should relax. "Early couldn't know and everything was ok. Maybe he'd had a tough day." Still I couldn't relax, "John, I think I should go home now, it was fun, but its over." John urged me to spend the night, pointing out that I'd been drinking and it would be better to drive home the next morning. Despite the growing fear inside me, I had to agree, after all Early wouldn't be home for another day, and we went to bed. I got up the next morning, after a restless sleep, dressed and shared breakfast with John. Again I reminded him that this was a one time affair. While he agreed with me, I could tell that he did so reluctantly. I gave him a hug, and got into my car for the drive home. As I drove, the guilt was overwhelming. I tried to rationalize that it was only sex and after the help he'd given me, I owed John, and now the partnership debt was paid! Early would never know! I also promised myself that I would never do anything like this again. While my love for Early was never in doubt, it was only know I realized how strong my love was. By the time I pulled into the drive way and entered the garage, I was relaxed, more at peace with myself. After all, Early wouldn't be home until tomorrow morning, and I would be ready for him. I couldn't wait to tackle him and feel real loving again. Nothing seemed out of place as I walked in the kitchen door, carrying my overnight bag. As I got part way through the kitchen I realized something was wrong! I looked about and saw a mess of dishes in the sink, and the tea pot I'd put away sitting on the stove. With my heart sinking, I looked carefully around, not seeing or hearing anybody. I headed carefully through the dining room. As I reached the living room I rushed over to the fire place and grabbed the poker fearing I might disturb a burglar. Just then, I heard a noise and whirled about, and there he was! I stumbled as I saw him, just sitting there taking a sip of tea, but saying nothing. Without thinking I spoke, "Oh my god, Early, you scared me half to death! When did you get home?" fearing what the answer would be. I'll never forget the flat, empty tone of is voice, as he said " A couple days", I collapsed into a chair, my mouth hanging open. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you call? Where have you been staying? In that same, almost deathlike tone of voice, a tone I didn't recognize, he responded, "I did call, I called Thursday afternoon, you weren't home and you weren't in the office, and Jennifer wasn't there either. You didn't answer your cel. Then I was sitting here in my chair when you called, I spent that night in that big lonely bed you told me about. Somehow I don't think the bed you spent Thursday and Friday nights was all that lonely. Do you want to tell me about it Susan? Can you make me understand? By now the tears were pouring out of me. You may not believe me, but it wasn't the fact I'd been caught. It was the look on his face and the sound of his voice that told me how much I'd hurt him. It made me realize this was one factor I had never considered. The face I looked into appeared as if it had aged 10 years since I had seen him off at the airport on Sunday. I still wasn't thinking straight as I tried to spell out my rationalization to him, "Early, I love you! This had nothing to do with us. Please try to understand that this was something I felt I had to do! It had nothing to do with my love for you, for us!" His words back to me felt like a knife being driven into me "That make no sense to me Susan. How can your cheating on me, cuckolding me not have a thing to do with us?" Even as I responded my words, and the rationalization I'd used to convince myself what I'd done was right, sounded hollow to me, so I imagine how it sounded to him. "It was something I felt I had to do, Early. I was trying to repay John for what he had done for me. It had nothing to do with the way I feel toward you, my love for you!" I think I made it worse when he asked me if John had forced me, or blackmailed me, and I told him that I did it on my own. As he talked it sounded so ugly, yet when I tried to tell him that he was making it sound so tawdry, I had to hear him ask if it was beautiful. I could see that his hurt was increasing, if at all possible. I wanted to go to him and hug him, and let him feel my love, but I knew he would push me away, and I couldn't blame him. When Early asked if my cheating was due to a lack of performance skill on his part, I screamed at him. I wanted him to understand that I loved him, and that making love with him was special! When he challenged me with remembering our past talks about the importance of fidelity, I understood his pain. Only now did I think about how I would have felt if I'd discovered he was having an affair. When Early asked me why John should not expect to do it again, doubts were raised in my mind about what John may think or expect down the road. Despite the fact he'd told me he understood this was a special one time affair, I suddenly remembered little comments he'd made, the reluctance in his voice. What would John think? I knew I could never do it again, and never would have in any event. But I knew that now was not the time to make further protestations, for they only sounded hollow, and weak. Eventually Early finished talking, though not before telling me he hoped we could save our marriage. He told me he'd sleep in a guest room until we got separate beds for our room. We would see if things could be worked out, or if our marriage was finished. I had to accept that he didn't trust me or respect me. After all, I had cheated on him! But at least he indicated he still loved me. Why hadn't I thought of love, trust and respect before I convinced myself that it was only a harmless fling. He went so far as to tell me not to suggest he cheat on me to even things up, for fidelity was still so important to him. While the idea hadn't occurred to me, I could see that it might be a way to deflect some of the guilt I had to bear, and a way of making me feel the same hurt that I'd caused him. As he walked out of the room into the patio, I could see the tears in his eyes, further proof of the overwhelming pain and hurt I'd caused the person I loved, the one who meant the most to me in the whole world. I know I watched a shattered man walk out of our house. The Aftermath I spent the rest of the day, sitting there, slumped in the same chair. getting up only when absolutely necessary to go to the bathroom. The pain I felt was nothing, I knew, to what Early felt, except my pain was because I had caused him such pain. The partnership that I'd lusted after, lost its sparkle as I sat there. I realize it was the obsession with it that made me lose site of what was most important to me. I'd prided myself, an attorney, as being able to think things through, to look at both sides of an issue, so I could better advise my client on the proper course of action. Yet I had failed to do so at the most crucial, personal time for myself! I'd looked at things only from the side tarnished by the glow of and lust for a partnership. Yes, I'd owed John something, but not the risk of my marriage. What had I been thinking? And why hadn't I been able to see what the possible impact could be? The impact on the man with whom I shared my bed and my body, my true love, Early, and the impact it would have on me. Even now I realized that the guilt would have continued to build within me had I not been discovered, and how hard that guilt would have been to live with. Surely even the lowliest lawyer would have looked at a worst case scenario before doing what I'd done. I thought of how I'd tried to rationalize it as just 'sex'. Maybe if my husband treated me like dirt, or played around on me it might be. But our love was too deep to separate the sex from the love. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how wrong I was, and how he must feel. The tears continued to flow until I could cry no more. I was afraid I'd lost what meant the most to me in the world, Early! I knew that I couldn't turn the clock back no matter how much I wanted to relive the last few days, as they should have been lived. All I could do was tell myself that I would do whatever it took to convince him that I loved him as he loved me, and to rebuild what I'd shattered. Early avoided contact with me the rest of the day. When I did try and speak to him, he told me "Not today Susan, we both need to think, before we can discuss what happened, and where we're going." Finally the next day we did talk. I started "Early, you may find it hard to believe right now, but I do, and have always loved you. You questioned me yesterday on whether this was a first time, and how long it had gone on. It was only those two days, and it was two days too many. And believe me, this was the first time I've ever done this. I know the only way I can hope to win back some element of trust and respect is by being completely honest, whether it paints me in a bad light, as it should, or not." I proceeded to tell him the story. I did tell him about the sex acts, though I didn't go into graphic details, for I new I had to tell him. Even the thought of them was just about enough to make me cry, and I can only imagine what it did to Early. It wasn't even worth my while to tell him, that in all truth he was a better lover than John, that would wait for a later time. But I did profess that I had never desired anybody else, and I hadn't desired John, but felt I owed it to him. Even then I told him I knew I was doing wrong, but couldn't stop. I acknowledged my thought process had been impaired, by the high generated by my success and the lust for an almost certain partnership, the alcohol, and my feelings of gratitude and indebtedness to John. Even so, I should've been able to realize I was totally wrong. Yes, John was in part to blame. He knew how in love I was with Early, yet encouraged me to come with him. But it was my fault, because I did it. I told Early I realized how much I'd hurt him, and the pain I felt was because I had hurt him. "Nothing will ever excuse what I did to you, to us! I lost track of what was important, in the glare of the partnership, and now I don't really know if I want it. I can't stand the person who did what I did. I do know that what I want is to be with you until the day I die, and I'm afraid I've ruined everything." To my relief, he indicated he was still prepared to try and make things work, and did not intend to leave me or seek a divorce, though I was concerned when he added "at this time". He professed his love for me, albeit effected by the hurt and pain, and the loss of trust and respect, which would take time to be rebuilt, if it could. He acknowledged that he accepted my love for him, which helped, though right now he didn't know if it was enough. I offered to quit the office, and give up the potential partnership, but Early said it was to soon to make decisions. He understood how much the partnership meant to me, and had encouraged me in my goal to obtain it. As he said that, I could only cringe with the realization that my lust for the partnership was what had blinded me to the realities of my actions. As we talked, we realized that had I been a half hour later getting my overnight bag, he would have arrived home. Or if he'd called the office as soon as his meetings ended, I would have turned down the invitation for lunch and raced to Seattle to meet him, and to share my triumph with him. We talked a lot more throughout the day, but also spent a lot of time in quiet reflection. I even expressed my fears about the unprotected sex, and told him I intended to get checked out by my doctor. The day ended, with a little more hope than the day earlier, but with the realization we were a long way from being out of the woods. One of the most difficult things I faced after our talk was the next day when I had to go back to work, I only saw John in passing, and as I did I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Despite the fact that I'd rather avoid him for all eternity, I knew I had to face him. His face fell as I told him that Early knew, and what had happened. To his credit, he immediately accepted some blame for the event, and offered to talk to Early. But it was also clear from what he said, and how he said it, that he still had hopes for another get together. In the days following, my relationship with John became more awkward. The casual, easy teasing friendship was gone. In its place was an element of tension, the comments more biting, more personal. Even Jennifer commented on it. I know I couldn't get the image of our acts out of my mind, and I'm sure every time he looked at me he could imagine my mouth moving over his hard cock, or fucking me, yes fucking, I could never call it making love. The partnership, well I didn't get it! The old boys club was not quite ready for a female partner though they assured me that I was in line for it sometime in the near future. There was no way I could be sure John had supported my partnership bid, in fact I wondered if he'd suggested that I wasn't quite ready. This combined with the fact the growing tension I felt with John, and my dread of any office get together where John and Early might come face to face, convinced me that I should leave the firm. I joined a new firm, a younger more progressive one, where I knew my position would be based on my abilities. At home, things were quite awkward. At my suggestion, we saw marriage counsellors, who encouraged us to talk with and listen to each other. There is no doubt they saw the love, and the hurt. With their assistance, we continued to work at putting our lives back together. In time, we got to the point where we probably were talking more than we had before, and about more things! It took some time before Early was prepared to welcome me back to our bed. I wanted him to as soon as possible, but understood his reluctance. Accordingly, I did try and entice him, not in overt fashion, more in a manner of dress, or suggestive stance or comment. While I had always worn sexy lingerie at his urging, I got even more daring, and made sure that he got to see! Eventually I got him to re-establish some physical contact, such as hugging, or cuddling on the couch. The counsellors encouraged us, telling us to go slow, lovemaking should not be rushed, and when it happened, it should be for reasons of love, and not just lust. These little bits of contact helped keep me going while Early rebuilt the part of his heart that I had broken. I know that initially the physical contact wasn't easy for Early. The first times I could feel him flinch, and fight to not pull away. At those moments I feared I'd lost him forever. But eventually he grew more comfortable, and willing to initiate contact on his own. How High a Price: Susan's Story Finally one night as he hugged me, I could feel his erection pressing against me. I took his hand and led him to my bed. We silently undressed each other and I pushed him onto the bed. Just the contact from his erection had been enough to get my juices flowing, and without a word from either of us, I straddled his hips and lowered myself onto his cock. I gasped as I felt it's fullness as I sank down on him, a feeling I'd missed so much. It was so intense! I started to move up and down, feeling him react and move with me. Suddenly to my shock, I came. As he felt me convulse around him, and collapse on top, he rolled me over, his hard cock still deep inside my convulsing pussy. The feelings as he thrust inside me continued to grow, and feel so right. As his movements began to show that he was close to cumming, I came again, with one of the most intense orgasms that I had ever experienced. As I came, so did Early, with one final mighty thrust deep inside me. As we lay there I realized that tears were pouring down my cheeks, for even this act reminded me what I'd risked, and how much I loved him. As I looked at him, his eyes met mine, and to my surprise I could see tears in them as well, and I could tell that they were tears of love. I wish I could say that from then on things were back to normal, but that would be a lie. There is no doubt that they are getting better, but it is not the same. We both recognize that our love is non ending, and I think that there is a greater degree of trust, though I don't know when that will be total and complete. I know that Early understands that I could never cheat on him again, but still, we both have the memory of what happened. Yet, we know our love is strong, maybe even stronger than it was before! I don't know if I can ever repay him for the pain and hurt I caused him, nor do I know if I can ever accept what I did to us, even though he has told me he's forgiven me. Thank god, we are still together, and continuing to rebuild our relationship. Soon after the first time we made love. we got rid of the double beds and bought a new bed we share. We have agreed I'll go off the pill, hoping to have a child we can love and nourish together. We have both paid a high price, a price that never should have had to have been paid in the first place.