92 comments/ 162188 views/ 25 favorites Forgiveness, Just Another F Word By: Slirpuff I've been sick to my stomach for the last week, ever since returning from my latest business trip. I didn't have diarrhea or the flu, it was worse, much, much worse than that; I'd stepped out on my wife Linda. I know what you're going to say, that what kind of low life would cheat on his wife. I've said that and a million other worse things to myself and right now I'm feeling lower than whale shit. I look at her when I come home from work and my stomach tightens into a knot and all I want to do is cry. The worst part about it is that I had unprotected sex and may have passed something on to my wife. How could I have been so fucking stupid? I could claim that I was drunk, but I wasn't. We'd been drinking for a couple of hours after a long day of boring meetings but I wasn't drunk. When everyone left and if I hadn't decided to have one more for the road I wouldn't be in this pickle. If had just gone back to my room I could be smiling at my wife and enjoying her body; instead I'm sitting on the toilet trying to push out a lung or at least a spleen so I'd feel maybe a little bit better. But whom am I kidding; it's never going to go away. She sat down on the stool next to me, smiled and ordered herself a drink. Did I pay attention to her? Hell, yes. When a dynamite looking woman sits next to you and then smiles at you, you take notice unless you've already taken your last breath. She, like me was traveling on business, but unlike me, she wasn't married; or at least wasn't wearing a wedding ring. We started talking innocently at first, then a little flirting and finally when she put her hand on my arm, sparks flew. At that point I should have excused myself and gone back to my room, but I didn't. We kept talking and the flirting became more rampant as I now touched her arm. She was the one who suggested going to the lounge and dancing, not me. I would have been just happy to spend our time talking. Why did all the songs have to be slow ones? I'm not a good dancer but we weren't moving much at this point anyway. I could feel the beads of sweat dripping down the back of my neck and I felt her hand caress my back as mine moved from her back southward. One of us suggested a nightcap but I should have been the one to dig in my heels when she mentioned in her room. When we got inside I knew it was wrong for her to kiss me especially when I kissed her back, trading tongues as we both tried to undress the other while standing there with our tongues in each others mouths. I must have said to myself a hundred times this was wrong but my little brain was in control at this point. To put it bluntly, we kissed, had a lot of mutual oral sex and screwed until we were both exhausted. Finally, finally my big brain kicked in and asked me to explain what I'd just done. That's when the cramps started. I excused myself, got dressed and went back to my room. My phone was blinking and I listened to the voice message my wife had left. It was too late now to call and what excuse could I give for missing her call anyway. "I'm sorry, I had my tongue halfway down some strangers throat and couldn't talk when you called," that would go over really big wouldn't you say? So I did what every other cheater probably did, clean away the evidence and try to forget it. That didn't happen. I called her from the airport and made up some lame excuse and said I'd see her later that night. I spent the entire three hours on the plane praying to God she wouldn't find out and asking for his forgiveness vowing to be the perfect husband from that minute forward, but my cramps didn't go away. I think it was God's way of punishing me. Linda was all over me when I got home. Being married just seven years, we still were in the honeymoon stage of our relationship. She was what most guys dreamed about having, Five foot five, one hundred and five pounds with cute short blond hair and a killer body; what was I thinking. I tried my best to perform, but just couldn't. All I could see was that other woman every time I looked at my wife. The sex with her hadn't even been that good, it was nothing like what I experienced with Linda, not even close. Well, why in the hell did I do it? That was the question that kept wracking my brain. If I was so happy with Linda, why did I cheat? I dragged my ass to work but was basically useless. After about a week of this, Linda told me to go to the doctor; thinking it was something serious, and it was. Like I thought, there was nothing physically wrong with me, my brain was making my body pay me back for what I'd done. Saturday I got her off with a combination of lips, tongue and fingers but couldn't get it up. She was worried and I was scared she'd see right through me and figure it out. After two week more of this I'd decided to come clean and tell her. She thought I had some incurable disease and was dying; she was only half right. Friday night with the kids finally tucked away I sat her down in the living room and told her. Hell, I spilled my guts telling her every sordid detail to finally get it off my chest. I felt better for a whole twenty-two seconds. A miserable piece of shit is how she started, before moving to cheating bastard and it finally ended with her screaming at me, crying and running up to what used to be our bedroom. I now felt worse if that was possible. I sat on the couch all night wondering what was next. Did I sleep? Hell, I don't even think I breathed more than a couple of times that night. I wanted to die and I think at this point Linda would have gladly helped me. It would have been kinder to have her find me dead Saturday morning than what happened. "Leave. Steve, get the hell out of here before I strangle you with my bare hands," she yelled at me. "I never want to see your cheating face ever again, do you hear me?" I was still stuck on her first word and by the time it sunk in the others that followed had gone in one ear and out the other as she continued yelling other things at me. "Linda, can we at least talk about it?" My grandma's crystal platter crashed against my forearm as I put it up when I saw Linda grab it and toss it my way. It didn't shatter but broke into three pieces. It didn't hurt, how could it with my heart racing at twice its normal speed. When she reached for the lamp I moved forward and wrapped my arms around her. "All right, I'll leave," I said trying to diffuse what was happening but it didn't do much good. "Take your shit and leave," she screamed through her blood shot eyes as she clenched her fists. "Steve, can't you just fucking leave?" she screamed one more time before starting to cry. I wanted to grab her and comfort her, but that wasn't going to happen now or any time soon, or maybe ever. I packed two suitcases and walked down the stairs. Linda glared at me and I slithered under the door and left. There was a Motel 8 about two blocks from where I worked so I checked in there. I got a corporate rate because I told them I wanted it for at least two weeks. I figured after two weeks maybe she'd calm down enough to talk to me. So my exile started. I called my kids every other day and asked if mommy wanted to talk to me? The answer was always the same. Since Linda didn't work, my checks went automatically into our checking account. When I went to the bank and couldn't get any money I found out that she'd taken out all our money and opened a new account. We didn't have a hell of a lot, but I stopped the automatic deposits the next day. After two weeks, I stopped at the house after work to try and talk to her. She opened the door and then slammed it in my face. Guess she was still too angry. Every Friday I stopped home after work and every time she refused to talk to me. I saw my kids and they wanted to know when I was coming home and all I could tell them was, soon I hoped. Word spread through my family and although I was the black sheep everyone hoped that we could work it out, including me. How could we work it out if she wouldn't at least talk to me? I went to see her parents. I let them tear me a new asshole for the first half hour. I asked, no I pleaded with them to talk to their daughter to at least talk with me. I would go to counseling, hell, I'd crawl on my hands and knees to her if she'd give me five minutes. They said that they'd try but not to get my hopes up. After a month she called. Not to talk but to rag on me because she was getting low on money. "I need you to put your paychecks into my checking account. The bills are coming due and I don't have enough money to cover them." "No," was all I said. "What do you mean no? I need that money, you owe me," she yelled through the phone. "Linda I don't owe you anything. I will support my kids, but I don't owe you a thing. I've tried to talk to you for the last couple of months and you've refused. Unless something changes, we'll be divorced by the end of the year. I sure as hell don't want that, but I can't fix our problems by myself." She hung up on me. Three days later I was served. It wasn't the standard boilerplate terms and conditions, she was claiming adultery as the reason. I was devastated. I took Thursday and Friday off to feel sorry for myself. My parents felt sorry for me but told me in no uncertain terms that it was entirely my fault. When I yelled at them and told them, didn't they think I knew that without everyone reminding me everyday, they asked me to leave. I guess I lost it when she had a restraining order filed against me. I could not come within two hundred and fifty yards of my house. Now when I called to talk to my kids she refused to let them talk to me. "When you start depositing your checks again maybe I'll let you talk to them," she told me. I knew I'd fucked up, but this was wrong, this just wasn't right. I fought it, but lost on all counts. It was then that I got angry. I got an injunction to remove all of my belongings from the house. I went there with a moving van and took all my tools, clothes and everything I'd had before we'd gotten married. I had a court-approved list and a sheriff with me so there wouldn't be any problems. When I took the stereo she wasn't happy, but when the movers loaded up the big screen television and the microwave she got angry. When they took out the bed out of our bedroom she was livid and swearing at me. The sheriff more than once had to tell her to settle down. "Linda I didn't want it to come to this, but you gave me no choice." She told me to fuck off. I ended up moving in with my parents out of necessity. The motel was getting too expensive, my lawyer fees were going through the roof and I need to see a friendly face once in a while. Linda's lawyer went to court and the judge setup temporary spousal and child support payments; it was for almost three quarters of what I was making. My lawyer said we could fight it but it would take time. "I can't live on what's left, it's not even enough to rent an apartment." He told me to get a second job. That night I found myself at my house pounding on the front door, asking for Linda to talk to me when the policemen arrived. The kids were crying, looking out the window while the policemen explained that I was in violation of my restraining order. "Linda, I know you can hear me," I shouted. "Unless you talk to me, I'm quitting my job tomorrow and you'll get nothing, ever; do you hear me? Please, I love you, don't do this to us," I screamed through my tears. I saw her look at me for a split second and then she was gone. I was escorted off the premises. "Dan, this is my letter of resignation effective today," I said handing it to him. I explained what was going on, and said that Linda had turned her lawyer loose on me and that they wanted more than their pound of flesh. "Steve, I'm sorry and I don't want to lose you. Let's just say you're quitting for what, three, four months? You'll be off the books but your job will be waiting for you when this all blows over. Take care of the home front and good luck; it looks like your going to need it." I also fired my attorney and cancelled my cell phone. I was now unemployed, living at home with my parents with a total of five hundred dollars to my name. "What do you mean you quit your job? You loved that job?" Linda screamed at me over my parents phone. "I loved you more, but it looks like I've lost both." "You can't do this to me and the kids." "I've already done it. Call my work and talk to Dan; it's a done deal. We'll probably lose the house and I'm sorry to say both cars will be gone in about two months when we don't make the payments. Tell your pit-bull of a lawyer to send over the papers and I'll sign them, but I've got five hundred dollars left in the world so that's about all he's going to get. You won Linda, you finally broke me; I hope it was worth it." I hung up this time. The papers never came. My dad asked what my plans were but like I told everyone, I hadn't a clue. I missed my kids and even my wife, or ex-wife, but had reached the point of not caring any longer. I'd fucked up my life and it was time to move on. "Steve, honey, you've got to eat something, you're losing too much weight," my mom told me. She was right, these last six months had been hard on all of us, especially me. My dad wasn't so nice. "Son, get your head out of your ass. You can't whine about it forever. Be a fucking man and pick yourself up for Christ's sakes. You're starting to make me sick just looking at what you've become." He was right. I told Dan that I wasn't coming back. "Linda is divorcing me and refuses to even let me see my kids and the fucking court won't even make her. I'm just tired and it's time to pick up what's left of my life and move on." I shook his hand and he told me to use him as a reference when I eventually figured it out. Dad said I was running away and mom just said to write wherever I ended up. I had sold my television and everything else and was walking away with a grand in my pocket and two suitcases of clothes. They hadn't picked up my car yet so at eight o'clock in the morning I was on the road. I left a note for my mom and Linda, my wedding ring and my grandfather's pocket watch to be given to my son. I was angry with Linda for taking it this far, but was angrier with myself for starting the whole damn thing. Two states later I stopped. I needed a job, any job to give me some type of income to live on. For the next three months I did a million shit jobs to pay the rent and put food on the table. I was tending bar when a group of businessmen came it. I'd seen them before and couldn't help but listen to their tale of woe. "I need someone who can sell snow to an Eskimo and I need him yesterday. My two best salesmen left last month and you can't believe the crap that's out there." I wrote my current phone number down on an old business card along with Dan's extension. "I can sell snow to an Eskimo and teach him to sell it to his friends," I said pushing my card over to him. You can check with my ex-boss if you don't believe me," I said now moving over to get a drink for someone else. By the time I got back they were gone but at least they took the card. When he didn't come back the next week I was sure he'd tossed the card. The following Tuesday he showed up just after five. "Dan backs up your story and says I'd be a fool to let you slip through my fingers. My only question is if you're that good, why are you working here?" I gave him the short version and I was hired on the spot. I worked hard. Hell, that's all I did, what else was there to do. I sent my mom fifty percent of my first check to give to Linda but not to tell her where I was; I didn't need her pit-bull of a lawyer fucking up my second chance. I just went to work and gave him a hundred and fifty percent. When I stopped after work for a drink and a woman sat next to me and said hi; my cramps came back. I left, went back to my small apartment and sent another five hundred dollars to my mom for Linda. The cramps went away. I'd been gone for almost a year when my mom called me; she was the only one on earth that had my unlisted cell number. "Linda is asking about you," "You didn't?" "No I didn't tell her where you were, but you'd be easy to find if she hires a private detective. She just wanted to know how you were; I told her you were doing ok under the circumstances." "She's probably is going to track me down now that I've got a job again. I fucked up but why couldn't she just leave me alone like she told me to do?" Steve, I don't know, I just thought you should know." I thanked my mom and told her to give dad my love. "If I get the year end bonus I think I'm going to get, I'll send you something nice." "Just come home for the holidays, that would be the best present I could ask for." "Can't mom, and we both know why not. Just take care, I love you." The holidays sucked. Hell it was worse than that but I survived. I did get the bonus and sent Linda a little extra along with something special for my parents. When Fran sat down on the seat next to me at the club I waited for my cramps to start, but they didn't. She was tall, long brown hair and oh so good looking. I bought her a drink and ended up spending the night talking with her. Did I try to get her in the sack? Hell no, wasn't going there again, but did make a date with her for the following Thursday. She wanted to know everything about me and wasn't shy about asking. When I mentioned that I was separated from my wife she didn't bat an eye but did ask me questions about the who and why. "Fran, I screwed up one time in my entire life and it cost me everything I had built up to that point. But, my ex made sure I relived my mistake every day until I finally had enough and left." "Do you still love her?" "That's a tough one. I guess I kind of do, well, the old Linda anyway not the new bitch she became. I'm sorry, I guess it's still a little raw but after a couple more of these I get numb to it." I said ordering another round. Dinner was wonderful. She was the type of woman that made you feel relaxed to be with. When she suggested a nightcap at her motel room, I respectively declined; telling her when my divorce became final I'd love to take it a step further but not now. We went out twice more before she said that her project here was done and she had to go back home. I told her next time she came to town to let me know a head of time so I could make some plans. She smiled, gave me a big kiss with enough tongue for me to think twice about not taking her up on her offer. "I'll see you again," she told me as she pulled out of the restaurant parking lot. After that night I buried the old Steve. I still worked hard, probably harder than two men put together but I now took time for myself. I ate right, started going to the gym and began running again. My energy level increased and I looked the best I had in a long time. I still sent money home every week, but was at the point in my life to take the next step towards recovery. "Mom, I want you to have Linda send me the divorce papers. I'll sign them and put an end to my yearlong nightmare. Tell her that I'll be fair but it won't be the seventy-five percent she asked for last time and I want full visitation privileges." "Steve, are you sure you want to do this?" "Mom, time to start over, and I can't do it being married to her any longer." I'd expected the papers the following week, but got a better surprise; Fran called and said she was going to be in town on Tuesday night. "You got time for dinner?" she asked. "Just let me know when and where," I said with more than a little excitement in my voice. We ate at the same restaurant as last time. I ordered a bottle of wine and we had another fantastic evening. Forgiveness, Just Another F Word "I need to show you something in my room. I brought it all the way from home," she said with a huge smile. When we were just outside her room, she started to come on hot and heavy and my resistance started to wane. "Fran, I can't, at least not now; maybe soon though," I said this time with a smile on my face. "Well, you can't blame a girl for trying," she said opening the motel room door. "You're really going to like this though," she said turning on the light. There stood Linda looking at me. "Sorry about the deception, but she hired me to see if, once a cheater always a cheater, was true in your case." That was about all she got out of her mouth. "So still pulling the fucking string Linda," I yelled. "And Fran, what would have happened if I'd decided to come up to your damn room last time? Would you have gone through it, taken one for the team? But I guess that would have made you a whore instead of a conniving bitch," I said as I turned around and stormed out. I guess that wasn't what either of them had expected. "Mom, did you know about this?" "You mean about Linda wanting to see you? Yes I did, she talked to me when she dropped off the kids this morning." "And the fucking games she's been playing on me?" There was silence on the other end of the phone; I hung up. I was at work early on Wednesday. I shut my door and told my secretary, no calls and no visitors. I skipped lunch and decided to hit the gym after work. I didn't just hit the gym; I kicked the shit out of it until I could barely stand up. The shower brought me back to life but I was still pissed. Fran was waiting for me at my car. "I'm sorry ok? It was my job to check you out. You don't know how many scumbags there are out there." "And how many fucking bitches?" I replied. "All right I guess I owe you that one. She just wanted to be sure, that's all." "Sure about what? That she broke me and cut me to the core? That even though I fucked up she never once gave me the chance to explain and ask for forgiveness. How about cleaning out our bank accounts and then turning her lawyer loose on me? And the final insult, telling me I had to pay her to see my kids. Did I want to see her? Yes, but to close the book on my past life so I could start again," I shouted at her. "I thought you were kind of special, guess I'm still bad at reading people." "Steve, just talk to her; what do you have to lose? She told me to tell you she's not leaving until you talk to her." I let her stew for two days; I owed that much to myself. The three of us met at a quiet restaurant. "Steve, I'm sorry about all this, but I had to know," Linda said more than a little sheepishly. "Why didn't you call and just ask me if I was fucking everything with a skirt," I said more than a little angry. "Oh, that's right, you refused to talk to me. So Linda, how many revenge fucks have you had over the last year and a half? With a sweet ass body like yours they must have been lined up halfway down our driveway. Learn any new tricks? You could have at least sent me a video to rub the salt in the open wounds you left me with," I said peppering her. "Steve, are you about through? Got any more digs left? When you're finished let me know so we can eventually have a grownup conversation," Fran said looking at me, and then Linda who looked awe struck at my attack. "I guess that's all for now," I said finishing my drink and ordered another. "Steve, you hurt me. You can't imagine how much you hurt me. You were the last person in the world I expected to be a cheater. I guess when you told me I kind of lost it but can you blame me? What would you have done if you were in my shoes?" How about if I'd cheated on you? Would you have welcomed me back to your bed with open arms? I doubt that very much. I guess my attorney went a little crazy, but he was only out to protect my and our kid's interests. Steve, I wasn't working and when the money was starting to run out I got scared." "Linda you could have talked to me." "No I couldn't, I was still angry." "So you just released the hounds of hell on me. Now I know why there are so many pissed off ex-husbands out there. I would have supported my kids, but you wanted and got your pound of flesh. By the way, do you still have the house?" "I managed, with the help of my parents, to keep it along with the car. I was thankful when you started sending money." "But not thankful enough to let me see my kids or pick up the fucking phone and call me?" "If you'll remember, you left without anyway of getting hold of you." "Bull shit, you could have talked to mom, she would have gotten word to me. You found a way to track me down anyway," I said now looking at Fran. "Well, you got your money's worth, she sure is good. Hell, I even thought she liked me, stupid me." "Sorry about that; but I had to be sure." "Well, you've got your answers, I've got mine so why don't you give me the fucking papers so I can sign them and end this charade of what use to be a marriage so we can both go on about our lives." "Aren't you the least interested about our kids or why I'm here?" "Mom tells me about the kids and I couldn't care less why you're here." "Don't you at least want to see your kids?" "More than ever, but I figured that if I came back, you'd have me thrown in jail; so I stayed away." "Steve, I never would have done that." "Yeah right, so says the woman who refused to let me see them until I deposited my paycheck into your account and slapped me with a restraining order; by the way, that was a nice touch I never expected." "Steve, like I said, I was afraid that you weren't going to support us. I didn't have a choice." "Linda, you never even gave me a chance. Hell, you never gave us a chance. I've thought about what happened a million times. Would I do it again? Not on your life. Would I have kept my mouth shut knowing what I know now? Not really. You see I couldn't live with what I did to you. It was eating me up and in the end I couldn't live with the lie any more. So, I killed a good marriage and have been paying everyday since that night. Well, now that we've got all the "I'm sorrys" out of the way we can get on with our lives. Don't ask me to be your friend, because I don't have that in me. I loved you too much and couldn't bare it to watch you move on. So I plan on staying here and making a new life for myself. I'll see my kids when I can and we'll all learn to live with it." "To answer you question, I've gone out with a few guys but like you haven't slept with any of them if you're interested." "Damn girl, you must be going nuts. I remember how much you use to like sex with me. At least now you can shag the next guy you meet." "We didn't have sex, we made love and yes I miss that a lot; more than you can imagine." "Well enough of the sex talk, I'm starting to get horny as hell. You missed out Fran, I would have made the earth move for you, you can ask my wife; she never complained." "What would you say if I asked if you wanted to try again? You know, to see if there was anything left between us?" Linda said to me out of the blue. "Why? Why now? Have you forgiven me? I doubt that very much. And besides, if I give my job up to move home and it doesn't work, I'll have to start all over again; I don't have that in me any more." "I talked to Dan, and he says you can have your old job back with all the seniority you had when you left." "When did you talk to Dan?" "Three weeks ago." "Steve, I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I'm willing to take another shot at it. I want to have what we once had and I think we can get there again. Wouldn't you want another shot at it, with me and the kids?" Linda asked. "If you would have asked me six months ago I would have jumped at the chance. It's just that in my mind I've moved on. It was hard, but I came to the conclusion that what I had was gone and for my own sanity I had to get my head around it. Give me a day or two to think about it and to talk to Dan." "I guess that's all I can ask for at this point. But, think about what we could have again." I spent the next three days on the phone before taking a plane home to meet with Dan. He was happy to see me and was overjoyed at the prospect of me coming back. "I couldn't find anyone to fill your shoes and I heard you are doing a bang up job at Apex Industries. It shocked the shit out of me when Linda came by to talk to me about you moving back. When she asked if I'd consider taking you back I told her in a heart beat." We talked but Dan was surprised at what I was making now and what I'd need to come back. He said he wasn't authorized to go that high but would let me know in a couple of days. I was staying with my parents and it was a little tense the first day. "I'm sorry, Linda made me promise not to say a word to you. I guess she'd been planning it for a couple of months after she found you; and no I didn't rat you out, she found you on her own. Just smile and go see your kids, they know you are in town." I went over to my old house and rang the bell. I saw them look out the window, fling the door open and run into my arms. They cried, I cried and we were on the front step for at least ten minutes. After that it was non-stop talking about every detail that had happened to them over the last year. They didn't ask the one question I thought they would right away but I guess they were afraid of my answer. They did ask finally if I was moving back home." "Not sure yet guys, but no matter what happens, I plan on seeing you a lot more from now on. I never even noticed Linda looking on as she watched from the kitchen." "You didn't have to ring the bell, it's still your house too." "Linda, the last time I came here, I was escorted away by two policemen, remember?" That brought a look of remembrance to her face. "Is the restraining order still in effect?" That brought another worried look to her face. "Steve, I don't have a clue? When I put everything on hold, I don't know if it applied to that also; I'll have to check into that." The house was the same but the yard looked a little rough. Everything looked exactly as the day I left with the exception of a new gas stove. It was like I'd stepped back in time and was coming home after a day at work, but I knew it wasn't real, not yet anyway. "Steve, you want to stay for dinner? We're having chicken with all the trimmings." There was no way my kids were going to let me say no. They even conned me into helping them set the table while Linda looked on. All through dinner the kids kept jabbering to me about anything and everything. It finally dawned on me what they were doing. They weren't sure when they'd see me again so they were making up for both lost time and trying to show me how happy they were to see me. The kids are always put in the middle in something like this, and though it isn't fair it is a fact of life. They continued nonstop until it was bedtime. Linda told them that it was time to call it a night and that their dad would tuck them in. I kissed them both and told them that I loved them. I gave them both a big hug. "Great kids," I said walking into the kitchen. "They've missed you." "I know, and I'm sorry about that," I said standing there not knowing what to do next. "You want a cup of coffee? I can make some if your interested," Linda asked. "I talked to Dan today and told him what I needed to come back. He's not sure if he can match my new salary but should have an answer for me in a couple of days. Besides that how are you doing?" I asked. "You know, handling it day by day. I am working part time as a cashier at the grocery store. It gives me a little extra money and gets me out of the house while the kids are at school. You thought any more about what we talked about?" "Well, I checked with Dan, talked with my parents but I suppose yours are still angry with me." "I guess they're as angry with me as they are with you. After you talked with them we had a little falling out. I didn't want to hear what they thought because I thought I knew best. They told me that this mess was your fault, but I didn't help matters by what I did." "That's about what my dad told me more than once. Mom is mom and loves me no matter what I do but just feels sorry for our kids." "Where do we stand? Are you considering giving it another shot?" "Linda, I'd love to see us back where we were but I don't know if it's possible anymore. You'll always think of me as a cheater and though you may eventually forgive me, you'll still always wonder when I go out of town if I'm cheating on you again." "Steve, that's why I hired Fran. She came highly recommended as someone who could find out if your spouse would cheat. When she met you, she wasn't sure about you and even on the last date she thought she could still get you into bed; and no she doesn't sleep with the guys. She said she was going to give it one more shot when I flew down with her but you shut her down; she was impressed. We never expected you to unload on us like you did. I thought you'd be happy to see me but after you stormed out I realized what it looked like. I guess I did set you up. I'm sorry, but I had to be sure. I didn't want to open myself up only to have it happen all over again. And no, Steve, all the talking in the world couldn't convince me; I had to see it with my own eyes, that you wouldn't jump at the first woman who showed you any interest." "And how about you? You've been dating for what, the last nine months? How can I believe that you didn't sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry? Maybe I should have hired a Fran or Frank, so to speak, to check you out. Like I said, a year and a half is a long time to go without. I married my right hand shortly after we broke up but how about you?" "I've got a few partners in my night stand to take off the edge and I'd be lying to say that I didn't think about it more than once with a few of the guys I dated; especially two of them." "You date anyone I know?" She was quiet for about a minute and then said that I'd know a few of them. "Great, so if we ever got back together I'd have to wonder which one of my good buddies was trying to hit on you." "Steve, that's the key word; tried. No one succeeded even getting to first base. A good night kiss is all they ever got. You've got to believe that." "Well, now I have to ask myself the question, why not? Why didn't you go for the revenge fuck? Was it because you still loved me? I doubt that, but it must have been something big or you wouldn't have gone without all this time." "If you must know, it was because I didn't want to be a cheater like you. I figured I wouldn't do what you did just to get back at you, so that's why I didn't let any of them take me to bed. I guess I was waiting for my divorce to be finalized before spreading my wings." "So you took the moral high ground. I guess it was just another thing you could hold over me, you didn't cheat but I did even though you had the opportunity." We just looked at one another for the next couple of minutes. "Steve, I'm not saying it 's going to be easy. It's probably going to be the hardest thing either one of has ever attempted and hell, we might last only two weeks before we say it's not worth it; but at least we'll be able to say we tried, and I do want to try only if you want to." Linda, there is so much hurt on both sides I just can't see me coming back home, jumping back into your bed and things being what they were before." "Who said anything about you sharing my bed? I'm nowhere near ready for that. We've got a lot of fence building before I invite you back to my bed. Also, I'm going to insist on outside counseling and a legal agreement going forward; something like a post nuptial. This way if something happens it's all spelled out." "Like me cheating again, right?" "If you want to put it that way, yes. I need to know I'm going to be covered. You can also put in it any concerns you have and then we'll get it notarized and go forward." "I also want a blood test and a lie detector test done. This way there will be no surprises going forward." "You want me to take a lie detector test to see if I screwed anyone?" "Yes, and I'll take one also. Right now you don't trust me and Linda, I don't believe you totally. So after we both pass that, I guess we'll have an outside shot at making it. You have your lawyer draw up the agreement and I'll have mine review it. It shouldn't take too long to get the details worked out." "Steve, it sounds like we're entering into a contract of some sort instead of trying to rebuild our marriage?" "In a way we are, a marriage contract," I told her. "All right, let's get the details worked out so we can start. I'll set up the counseling sessions and we'll be ready to go when you move back home." "Only after Dan agrees and we get the rest of the details worked out." She gave me a scowl. "Hey, you were the one that wants to be covered in case of something happening in the future and I'm just following your lead." Dan came back with a matching offer, I sent my terms to her lawyer for the agreement and I passed the lie detector test on Thursday. I drove back for the weekend and much to Linda's dismay I stayed at my parent's house. We had a great weekend with the kids and I started to feel like we were a family again. Her terms were unacceptable, again, but it didn't surprise me. I finally had to tell Linda to tell her lawyer to get with the program or we'd never get together. "Linda, state guidelines are thirty percent for two kids; he's still asking for sixty percent." She agreed and finally came up with some thing I would sign. What did surprise me was that Linda didn't pass her lie detectors test with flying colors. I guess she'd gone a little further with one guy than she told me. She didn't screw him but she'd gotten close. "I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd be pissed." "Oh, so you just decided to lied to me instead? I guess its better to lie than hurt the other person, is that what you're saying? I guess that's what I should have done back then and we wouldn't be having this conversation." "Steve, it wasn't with anyone you know if that makes it any easier." "Who was it Linda?" "Does it matter?" "Yes, it does. I don't want to spend the next thirty years looking at every guy wondering if he was the one." "All right it was an old boyfriend. Are you satisfied?" "What did you do, call him up and ask if he wanted to fuck?" I said sarcastically. "If you must know he came through my line at the store and we got to talking and he asked me out. I told him I was separated and one night we got drunk and we almost did it. I stopped it and told him it could never happen again; and it hasn't." "So my perfect wife is human after all; don't you feel better for telling me the truth?" She knew what I meant by that. It took another two weeks to work out the agreement, to give my notice and moved out of my apartment. The first night in my house was strange to say the least. She gave me a little peck on the lips before we went to our separate rooms to sleep. I would have killed to see Linda naked even just a little. The following week we started our bi-weekly counseling sessions and I watched my hours to make sure I was home for dinner every night. I limited my first out of town trip to two nights. I called her after dinner and spoke to her and the kids for almost a half hour. I half expected Linda to call back about three in the morning to see if I was still there and alone but it didn't happen. She met me at the door with a big kiss and a hug; we had a chance at making it. After six intense weeks I asked, in our sessions, when I'd be allowed back into our bedroom; you'll notice I said our bedroom. Linda said she wasn't ready but I pushed the issue. Forgiveness, Just Another F Word "Are we talking one more week? Three, six? I need some type of time frame I told the two of them." "Steve, you can't expect your problems to be resolved overnight," the counselor told me. "If we would have talked last year we would have been that much further along but she wouldn't talk to me. So, now she wants to talk, but I don't have a clue how long she's going to shut me out. Why doesn't someone give me their best guesstimate," I said looking at Linda. "How about six more weeks?" she replied. "Then, how about if I move out this weekend?" That shook them both up. "Steve, you can't expect your problems to be solved overnight," the counselor told me. "I'm not going to live with my wife and sleep in a separate for the next six weeks. If she doesn't love me enough to sleep with me, then what the hell are we doing here? Linda, you were the one that sought me out not visa versa." "Steve, Linda went through quite an ordeal and has trust issues that need to be addressed. You can't expect her to fall back into bed with you after all that's happened." "She didn't have any problem in doing so with her old boyfriend," I said knowing the response I would get, "And if you did fuck that slut we wouldn't be here either," she yelled back at me." "So, that's the crux of the problem. I'm still paying for my mistake and will be forever. I told you before; I couldn't or wouldn't live like this if I moved back. I'm about as sorry as a person could be for doing what I did, but after almost two years I've paid everything I'm going to pay. I've been put to the test and I've jumped through all the hoops I'm going to. It appears that she wants me as the kids' father, and enjoy my weekly paycheck but doesn't want a husband; well me anyway. If she wants a whipping boy, she can look else where." I stood up and walked out to the objection of the counselor. I was just finishing up packing by the time Linda got home. She didn't say a word until I shut my last suitcase. "You're really leaving?" "I'll be at the Motel 8 until I can get an apartment. I'll be back this weekend to get the rest of my stuff." "I don't want you to go," she said teary eyed. "But you aren't fighting for me to stay either. I can't live with the woman I love in the next room hating me." "Steve, I don't hate you." "But I'm not so sure that you still love me. Linda, when you finally figure it out let me know," I said walking out of my house for the last time. Friday, Dan and I were sitting at the motel bar tipping a few. "Sorry to hear about you and Linda, I thought you guys were going to make it." "So did I. I guess my cheating was too big an obstacle for her to overcome. We really did have a great marriage, I'm going to miss it." "Well, at least I got my best salesman back. You don't plan on leaving again do you?" "Nope, not this time. I've got my kids and family here so I'm going nowhere." We had one more drink before Dan left to go home to his family; I was jealous. I was watching the basketball game on the television behind the bar when she sat down next to me and ordered a glass of white wine. I wasn't paying attention to her until she asked me the score of the game. "Atlanta is ahead of Chicago by five and they're in the third quarter." "They always fade in the fourth, you want to bet they fold?" "What do you want to bet?" I asked. "We can figure out something. The point is do you want to bet?" "All right, I said looking at the brunette sitting next to me. "If they fold, I'll buy you dinner with all the trimmings. However, if Atlanta wins, we do something else." "As in?" "Don't worry, you won't be disappointed." She looked at me and finally reached out her hand. "It's a bet, may the better woman win." The game went back and forth until the end of the fourth quarter when Atlanta started to fade. When they got behind by seven with just under two minutes I thought I still had a chance, but with two late fouls I knew I'd lost. "Well, I guess you were right. What's your pleasure for dinner; steak, sea food, Mexican or maybe Italian?" I asked. "I'm really not hungry, you got a room?" "Well, it looks like we're going straight to dessert," and we did. It had been a long time, too long. We started kissing in the elevator and almost broke the motel room door going through it. Material ripped, buttons flew as I pulled the bedspread off the bed and made love to her on top of the clean sheets. The first time was fast for both of us; it looks like she was as ready as I was. She was the one to suggest a shower, and who was I to object, after all she had won the bet. How we were able to wash with our tongues down one another's throat I'm not sure, but we did anyway. When I sat on the tub floor, spread her legs and ate her I thought she was going to lose it and come crashing down on top of me. Still soaked we hit the bed for round two. She blew me as I sucked and licked her clit until she exploded all over my face. I rolled her over, got between her legs and with her legs wrapped tightly around my waist we tried to fuck the other one to death. I felt it coming and gave her everything I had left, literally. When she climaxed she pushed back so hard it felt like her pussy swallowed my dick, balls and everything else. I rolled over onto my side and was still breathing hard when she flopped down on my chest. "Don't you dare go to sleep on me, I'm nowhere done with you yet," she said biting my nipple. "I just need to catch my breath for a minute, that's all. You really are a little slut aren't you and the brown wig was a nice touch." "I thought you'd like it, Fran being a brunette and all," Linda said tossing it on the floor. "Personally, I'm more into blonds but a redhead once in a while might be a nice treat." "I'll see what I can do, but enough talk," she said kissing me and trying to see what I had for lunch with her tongue. She spent the night with me for the first time in over a year. I called in dead the next morning and told Dan I'd see him Monday if I was still alive. I was about to say I was sorry but she put a finger over my lips. "No more past, only future from now on." We kissed, we made love and sometime after ten the next morning we had breakfast. We spent the next eight hours talking between our sessions. We still had issues that needed to be addressed but in the end none of them were deal breakers; unless they happened again, which wasn't going to happen in my lifetime. The spare room became just that again, a spare room. My parents are happy that we're working it out and so is her mother; but her dad is taking the wait and see approach. Best of all, we're a real family again; something I thought two months ago wasn't going to happen. Linda and I just celebrated our three-month anniversary and were having dinner in a nice restaurant when I heard a familiar laugh. I turned around to see Fran with a nice looking man in his early forties having dinner. She was shameless the way she flirted with this guy as she touched his arm and finally his knee as he couldn't help but look down the front of what was barely a dress. "You think I should warn him?" I asked Linda as she sipped on a glass of wine. "Did anyone warn you?" "Good point, but it looks like the son of a bitch is going to be dead meat before the night is over." I went back to my steak.