108 comments/ 95081 views/ 11 favorites For the Love of Hanna By: Salamis Warning: There is no-sex in this story. Chapter 1: Our Shadow There is nothing like a cold December morning to drive the last vestige of sleep from my body. My glasses fogged as soon as I opened the outer door. I bent forward to retrieve my handkerchief and my peripheral vision caught movement to my right, it was not close by, perhaps some forty feet away and on the other side of the street. Ordinarily I would have been startled, but I was on guard for the presence of raccoons. The four-legged bandits had become frequent visitors to the cans than lined our neighbor's driveway. I half expected them to scurry across my path or confront my intrusion. However, the movement came from a person not an animal. They moved quickly but in a manner of someone with a slight limp. Nonetheless, they made it to a waiting car and then drove off just as I was beginning to focus. I caught a glimpse of hair overflowing a hood. I could not be sure but I thought the figure had been a woman. On this street at this time of morning, that was certainly an odd happening. However, I shrugged off the scene as soon as the car pulled away. There was not much else to think about so I hurried over to my own vehicle. It was 6am. With luck, I could get a lot accomplished before the office opened. As predicted, my morning in the office went surprisingly well, no fires to put out and no egos to stroke. Maybe this was evidence of the Christmas spirit. Whatever it was, I made it out of there unscathed. I was taking a half day and meeting my wife for lunch at the mall. When I arrived at the mall, I saw my wife making her way thru the crowd. The place was crowded with the usual holiday shoppers. Maddy was carrying two bags that she seemed to have trouble negotiating. I came upon her quickly. As I moved to grab both bags from her, I felt a tingling in the back of my neck. I glanced over her shoulder and caught sight of a woman in the distance. She appeared to be looking at us. At first I thought she was looking elsewhere, that is until our eyes met. For a moment, we appraised one another but my eyes refused to stray from her face; it was devoid of all humor. She was not merely deadpanning us; she was studying our interaction…as if she were eavesdropping, looking at us with the air of a busybody. However, given her distance and the fact that neither Maddy nor I had spoken I knew that she could not have been listening. Then as quickly as I had seen her, she turned and walked away. It then occurred to me that this woman moved in the same irregular manner as the person I had seen earlier that morning. I guided Maddy into a nearby restaurant and we sat down. Maddy was describing the buys she had made. She was so excited at having found an outfit for her cousin Kate. As she spoke, she kept shifting nervously in her seat every few seconds. At eight months pregnant, I knew her back was bothering her and the hard plastic chair was not helping. As expected, she announced that she was going to the restroom. I stood and moved her chair while helping her rise from the seat. I turned to watch her walking away. Even though the dining room was crowded, I caught sight of someone staring through the window separating the restaurant from the mall walkway. It was the same woman I had seen earlier, and she was focused again on Maddy. This was getting creepy. I thought about telling Maddy about this but decided against it. It might needlessly upset her. Besides, it might just be a coincidence. Then for some reason I thought of Sylvia Seagrist. It had been a dozen years since that mentally ill woman had aimed an automatic weapon at random shoppers in a mall. That image got me out my seat. I picked up our bags and waited for Maddy outside of the restroom. She was a little surprised to see me standing there when she opened the door and scrunched her face when she saw I was holding our bags. I put my best smile on the situation. "Hey babe, it's too crowded in here, and I see how your back has reacted to those seats. Tell you what, let me make you lunch at home then I will give you a bath and a massage? How's that sound?" "Marvelous", she said with a big smile as she interlocked her arm in mine. I breathed easier now as I hustled her out the mall and into our car. I kept looking around for that woman, careful not to involve Maddy. As we pulled into our street, I checked again for our 'shadow'. Satisfied we were alone, Maddy and I entered our apartment. Maddy was very tired from our outing. She slipped out of her clothes while I ran the water for her bath. I helped her get in the tub. There was foam seat in place for her comfort. "I must be a sight", she said after obtaining a comfortable position. She looked at me as if she were going to cry. Her hand was placed on the side of the tub. I placed my hand over hers and moved to kiss her forehead. She never looked lovelier to me. She was having my baby and her body was all warm and soft. Sitting there naked in the bath, I saw how vulnerable she was and all I wanted to do was protect her and make her feel safe and loved. "Babe, you are as beautiful to me now as the day we married. Now sit back and relax." I washed her tenderly, caressing her skin with both the cloth and my hands that were lathered with the scented soap. I took my time resting over various parts of her frame: her legs, her arms, the back of her neck, and her ears. On her neck and ears, I placed kisses as water rinsed over her. I helped her up and dried her, again lingering over certain areas of high tension. Then we went to the bedroom where I commenced her massage starting with her feet. Within minutes, Maddy was asleep so I tucked her in bed and turned off the light. The radiators hissed as I left the room. The temperature had been steadily dropping all day. I wondered if it were going to snow. Ours was a frontal apartment on the second floor. It had a good view from the living room window of the street as well as the city skyline. I looked out first at the southern sky and then down at the sidewalks. The street was clear, as dusk l had descended. As I was moving back, I caught sight of a car across the street. It looked like the same vehicle I had seen in the morning. Furthermore, the engine was running and I could see the outline of one person on the driver's side. This was no coincidence. We were being watched, probably by the woman from the mall. I thought about calling the police; but what did I have to offer? She had not actually come in direct contact with either of us, she just watched. If we were lucky to get squad car to come it could take hours. This type of call had the lowest priority. I decided to change the rules of the game we were playing. I left the building by the back fire door and proceeded through the yard to the adjoining lot. From there I circled around until I made it to the street. I was now about 100 yards from the entrance to our building and the woman was parked more than half that distance between. I had brought a flashlight along to help me negotiate the walkway. I noted that the vehicle had Maryland plates. When I reached the car, I decided to take another risk…one that in hindsight was quite foolish. I grabbed the driver's door handle assuming it unlocked. It was, so I swung the light directly in this woman's face as the door flew open. The effect caused her to recoil in her seat letting out a loud gasp. "Who are you? Why are you following us?" I shouted. The woman was breathing quickly now. She held my gaze in a wide-eyed stare. "Who are you?" I repeated. Seeing that she was obviously in fear of me I calmed a bit, more in frustration than anger. A different approach was required so I lowered my voice as well as my flashlight. "Look, I've seen you following us. If I don't get some answers, and soon, I'm calling the police. Stalking is a serious offense in this state." With that, the woman broke down. I was unprepared for the floodgates that followed. Her body shook as she cried silently. For the first time as my adrenaline slowed, I noticed the cold. It was below freezing and the wind was picking up. I hit the button on her door then quickly moved around the car into the passenger's seat. She was still sobbing as I reached across her close her door. I sat there quietly as she began to compose herself. I now began to look upon her as a woman. I wasn't very good at reading ages but I guessed her to be in her late forties. She was blond and her hair was rather long, beyond her shoulders. It had an unkempt look, as if she had not cared about her appearance. She possessed a thin nose as well and a small mouth. She was a pretty even in distress. I noted that her face had character; there were the lines at the corners of her eyes and around her mouth, but they still conveyed a face that was soft and delicate. For that reason, I wasn't concerned about her initiating any violence towards me. Taking a deep breath, I resumed my questioning. "What is your name?" "Felicity Davenport" she said, as she looked straight into my eyes. The name did not register. "Do I know you from somewhere?" "No, we've never met Mr. Treadway", she responded as she lowered her head. That she knew my name concerned me but I kept my surprise away from my face. "Then why…" "I had to see her, I wanted to…" "Do you mean Madeline? You had to see Madeline? What do you want with her? "She and my husband…" she said as she brought her hands up to her face. Her body shook once again as the tears returned. What about Madeline and her husband? I wasn't upset, not because I could place Madeline with another man, but because I could not. My Maddy was very much pregnant and very much my wife. I could not imagine her cheating on me. "I would like to talk more with you about this. Where are you staying?" I asked, in part wanting to validate that she was from out of town and to get her away from our apartment. I knew Maddy was lying down and I WAS curious as to why this woman would stalk my wife. It would be a couple of hours before Maddy would awaken, enough time to calmly get some answers. "I have a room at the Hilton on City Avenue" "Good. Are you capable of driving or do you want me to drive?" "I'm fine now", she said as she turned on the lights and put the car in gear. We were at the corner in seconds before heading towards the main branch of traffic. "Where are you from, Alabama or South Carolina? I detect an accent." "I'm originally from South Carolina but we live in Baltimore," she said, smiling at my question. I have an ear for accents. It's a hobby of mine. "You drove up from Baltimore?" "No I was too upset to drive. I took the train in case my nerve failed. Then I rented a car here." I ceased asking any more questions. If her husband was in Baltimore then this affair she alluded to must have been very infrequent. Maddy and I were virtually inseparable this last year. This woman must have been mistaken about my wife. The rest of the drive to the hotel was covered in silence. Fortunately, we were only a few miles away so the trip was a short one. When we arrived, she gave the car to the valet and then we stopped in the lobby. There was a bar or lounge on one side and a restaurant off to the other. I'm not much of a drinker so the choice was easy. Besides, I preferred the atmosphere of the restaurant. It did not look very crowded and we could talk there without interruption or distraction. "Why don't we talk over coffee in the restaurant?" I said as I gestured in that direction. She merely nodded, placed her arm in mine, and began walking with me. I slowed my pace to match her gait. We asked for and were seated at a table a suitable distance away from where the sparse crowd was clustered. We could speak here. I waited for our coffee before beginning. "So what makes you believe that my wife and your husband are involved? "Because Mitchell… he's my husband; Mitchell and your wife had an affair before." Now that caught my attention. I was almost too afraid to ask. "When?" "I don't know exactly how long they carried on, but I know it ended about four years ago while she was his student." "Mrs. Davenport. That's before we were married." I said, relieved that this business predated my relationship with Maddy. However, it was a little unnerving to think that I had been a rebound lover. Even so, I was about to write this woman off as a bit of a flake and find a way to extricate myself. A few more questions and I could leave. So I responded with the only line of questioning possible. "I'm afraid that's before my time. We've only been married a little over three years. If that affair ended so long ago, why are you interested in them now? Haven't you and your husband reconciled?" She started to tear up when I said that. However, the rest of her countenance remained unchanged. "I thought so, but a few weeks ago I overheard a conversation Mitchell was having with one of his friends. It was clear that your wife was their subject. Mitchell was going on and on about her, particularly about her energy in bed. I could not hear what the other man was saying but Mitchell was apparently answering many questions. Then he said to his friend that he was willing to share her; that she would have no problem with that." "Mrs. Davenport, you are aware that my wife is eight months pregnant?" I said smiling sadly at her. "I know that now. This looks very bad." "Are you implying the child is not mine? Rest assured, it's mine. If that is your concern then what you've told me so far doesn't add up. You seem to be talking about futures. If there is some plan in the works its months away. Furthermore, I cannot believe that Maddy has anything to do with this. Do you have any real evidence other than a partially overheard conversation? "Yes. I found some of my husband's emails and forwarded them to my account. I can send them to you. They confirm what I heard them talking about. They've started up again…it's been going on over a year now." I took another long sip of my coffee. This woman was disturbed. I did not know how much of her story to believe. If I had the emails then perhaps it might add credibility to the other parts, but it was still too far fetched an allegation. It was more likely that she had Maddy confused with someone else. Maddy and I were together most of this past year; the times we had been apart amounted to no more than a couple of weeks scattered over months. "Mrs. Davenport, let's suppose for arguments sake that your interpretation of the conversation and the emails is correct. What do you want? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be confronting your husband with this?" "I've spoken with Mitchell before about his women. He would deny having any intentions on your wife. He's a pathological liar", she almost spat out. I was put on guard by the venom in her voice when she said this. She continued, "I thought that if I could speak with your wife, persuade her to leave him alone…but I did not have the courage to meet with her." With that, she looked down at her cup and fell silent. I felt in my coat for a pen. I did not have one. "Mrs. Davenport, do you have a pen? I'll give you my email address." She fished for a moment in her purse and produced a pen. I took it and wrote my information on a napkin. "And when you send me those notes, include your phone number. I'll get to the bottom of this, though I still doubt it has anything to do with my wife." I said as I moved to my feet. "I'll call you when I have something. Until then, go home. Talk with your husband." I left the restaurant after that, pausing only briefly at the door to get one last look at Felicity Davenport. She was staring out the window, immobile as well as oblivious to my departure. I left the hotel and headed for a waiting cab. I checked on Maddy as soon as I arrived home. She was sleeping peacefully in the same position as when I left. I was thankful for that. The baby had been very active these last few weeks. Maddy was finally getting some needed rest. I looked at her as if doing so for the first time. My God, even in sleep she was beautiful. I could not imagine life without her. I hoped that the baby favored her in appearance. Thinking of the baby brought me back to the moment. It dawned on me that I had obtained very little information from this woman who called herself Felicity Davenport and I WAS curious. She had mentioned her husband Mitchell and some other man who knew Maddy here in town. She also said that Maddy had been a student of Mitchell. With that information, I headed to my computer in the guest room. An hour later after searching the net I had significantly more knowledge of the Davenports. However, Mrs. Davenport proved to have the longer biography. Dr. Felicity Davenport was well known in medical circles having authored several books on Bioethics while at Johns Hopkins. There were multiple pages of articles written where she was either the author or a subject of an interview. One article showed a picture of the doctor taken from her book jacket. She was shown with her husband and son. Her husband was a handsome man, perhaps in his late forties. He possessed a massive shock of hair and graying temples. He had this Kennedyesque look about him. As I studied his face, it came to me that I had seen this man before…and it had been in the last few months though I could not recall the place. After reading the article on the good doctor, I turned my attention to her husband. There was a public record on him too. Mitchell Davenport was an accomplished Obstetrician and Reproductive Endocrinologist, in short, he was a fertility doctor. When I read that, I thought again, on where I had seen him. Unfortunately, that question still drew a blank so I contented myself on piecing together his history. The impression I had of Mitchell Davenport was of a person who was driven: third generation physician with something to prove coming from a very wealthy family. He was an active member of a number of different organizations as well as a writer, lecturer and practicing physician. The number of organizations on his resume amazed me and I wondered how this man might make time for family, let alone an extramarital affair. I caught myself making a naïve assessment. People who cheat will find the time regardless of the demands of their schedule. Hell, we had a president taking sexual favors in the oval office. I wondered what it might have been like for this man when he was with the younger version of my wife. That daydream ended when I heard movement from down hall. Maddy was awake. I shut down the system and made my way to our bedroom. Maddy was using the bathroom again. I took a seat near the bed. I understood the allegations against Maddy but I was having difficulty taking them seriously. When the emails arrived, I would see if they provided evidence supporting Mrs. Davenport's claims. Until then I had to rely on what I knew of Maddy from our time together. I rested my head on the back of the chair and closed my eyes. I struggled to remember the history I had on my wife from our very first meeting. My breathing slowed as memories of my early days with Maddy flooded my awareness. Chapter 2: In the Beginning My family lived in a working class neighborhood in Philadelphia known as Queen Village. My mother ran an in-home day care business out of our apartment for most of my formative years. The Doucet family rented an apartment in our building when I was three. They had one child, a daughter Madeline, who was also three years of age; and given that her parents and mine were also close in age and both had small children, it was not surprising that the couples became friends. Therefore, when Maddy's mother decided to return to work, she chose my mother to care for Maddy. For the Love of Hanna I do not remember much about that time. My mother tells me that Maddy and I did not initially get along. On more than one occasion, my mother separated us because of our habit of fighting over the same toys. She thought that I played with Maddy much the way I confronted my older brother Alex. So quite frequently I found myself standing attention in the corner for 'being too rough' with Madeline. In contrast to my behavior, Mom thought that Maddy was a perfect angel. She was always polite, obedient and quick to help her whenever she could. I think that Mom's bias in favor of her future daughter had its origins in those years. My own attitude about Maddy began to change when we entered kindergarten. Mom was still watching Maddy for her mother and one of her duties was to walk Maddy, Alex and myself to and from school each day. Mom instructed Alex to always look after me as his younger bother and I was instructed to look after Maddy as if she were my sister. I'm not sure if Maddy was told about my mother's edict but one result of that dictate was that we always walked home from school together when we were allowed to travel on our own. I became very protective of her and she responded by treating me first like her brother, and then like a close confidant. She had a calming effect on me. I was always a bit hyperactive except when I was with her. She was the only girl in my small circle of friends, and what I learned about girls I was taught by Maddy. Perhaps the most important lesson I learned from our friendship ironically was how to trust women, and how not to be afraid to be open and honest with them. With Maddy, that honesty came easy. I never understood then what she saw in me but there was a bond of trust between us. At times, I thought she treated me as another member of her family. Of course, she was a regular visitor in our home and ate dinner with us several times a week. That level of familiarity inspired trust. With Maddy, trust is everything. She does not show her emotions except around those closest to her. With those, she trusts she is very affectionate. Never a day went by that I was not hugged or squeezed or kissed when we were together. When she had her first menstruation, she told me before anyone else. She was scared when she reached me. Of course, that was a bit too much information for my twelve-year old brain to handle so I took her to my Mom. Whatever they discussed between them I do not know. But Maddy thanked me the next day on our way to school. Why she never approached her own mother about her problem was not shared with me. Since Maddy seemed to spend most of her free time in our home, I had little interaction with Mrs. Doucet. At the time, she seemed a harsh woman. She was very pretty but she rarely smiled. This was in contrast to her husband who was constantly smiling or laughing. I did not see Mr. Doucet that often but our encounters were memorable. He was a very tall man, perhaps six feet four or five inches, and he had a booming voice that drew your ear. However, what I remember most was his sense of humor and the very affectionate attention he always showed Maddy. I cannot remember a time they were together when they did not greet one another with a hug or a kiss. It is funny now but I cannot easily recall his face but I can hear his voice and his laughter. By the time, we reached our teens I had become Maddy's closest friend. We were unofficially boyfriend and girlfriend. I do not know where we would gone with that relationship, because shortly after Maddy turned fourteen her father died in an accident on the job. Maddy was devastated. She had adored her father. With him gone, her mother decided to move them to southern New Jersey to be closer to her own family. We corresponded for a time, as did Maddy and my mother. After a year or so the letters stopped. The loneliness and sorrow of her early writings gradually become replaced by stories focused on her new friends. I was not interested in them and Maddy seemed to shy away from telling me about HER life, so I stopped writing. In time, Maddy became a fond though distant memory. I went off to college in Pittsburgh then to work back in Philly. Maddy went to college in New Jersey and then on to graduate school in Baltimore. She became a nurse and then took her Masters in health care administration. Me, I was more inclined towards accounting and then somehow ended up working as a management consultant in a computer firm. We traveled in separate career and social circles and it looked like we were destined never to see each other again. Then one weekend I was visiting my parents at their apartment. As I opened the door, I saw this woman sitting next to my mother on the sofa. She looked vaguely familiar. So after I hugged my mother I turned to her guest and was surprised by the speed in which she rose from her seat. I was embraced in a bear hug accompanied by a kiss on my cheek; and then I knew…it was Maddy. It seemed that my mother and Maddy had never ceased communicating all those years. They were actually waiting for me to arrive. Of course, I did not know all of this that at the time. When I caught my breath, I took a good look at her. She was only a few inches shorter than my six feet. Her hazel eyes sparkled as she appraised me. She still had those same dark eyebrows and there was that wide smile that warmed me when we were fourteen. She had of course donned a new hairstyle, a long French braid that accented her raven tresses. I could not tell much more about her body since she was wearing a business suit with a skirt at mid calf. What I did see was very pleasing to my eyes. Maddy had turned into a very attractive woman. My assessment of her was obvious because of the huge smile that never left my face the entire time she visited. Before she left, I had her phone number and her new address in town. To make a long story short, we spoke on the phone later that night, had several dates over the next couple of weeks and were engaged a month later. Was it quick? You betcha. We just knew we were meant for each other. Of all the important decisions I had made as an adult, the one to marry Maddy was the only one I never second-guessed. My family was supportive of our engagement as were most of Maddy's relatives. The one person who did not share our enthusiasm was Maddy's mother. Surprisingly it was not the speed of our engagement that concerned her, nor did she dislike me as a son. She simply did not want Maddy to marry. Mrs. Doucet had changed after her husband's death. Her tragedy soured her on all marriage. She begged Maddy to reconsider her decision. She reasoned that investing too much in any man was sure way to a lifetime of pain. I felt sorry for her, but I never saw any indication that Maddy shared that point of view. Chapter 3: Absence of Suspicion I arrived at my office the next day still thinking about my conversation the previous night. Around mid-day, I checked my private email account and over two dozen notes that had been forwarded to me from Mrs. Davenport. These were notes authored by her husband to Maddy as well as to a man named Gerard. Additionally, there was other correspondence from Maddy as well. The emails were all sent as attachments to notes authored by Mrs. Davenport. She had printed the originals as pdfs to avoid the tracking mechanism normally associated with forwarding. It was a slick trick, one I had taught Maddy a couple of years ago when someone sent her a secured communiqué. While I was impressed with her technique, the content was underwhelming. Frankly, the correspondence between Maddy and her husband were all professional exchanges on matters either dealing with her career, the hospital or their interest in the graduate school. Their tone was friendly and polite yet somewhat clinical. It was apparent to me that Maddy was the initiator of those conversations. These notes between Maddy and Davenport went back almost eighteen months. I concentrated on the more recent ones because they provided an opportunity to study Maddy's mood and perhaps her intent. I read those several times and was left with the impression that Maddy was seeking something, but she was circling around not willing to mention it directly. The emails from Davenport to this Gerard person were another matter. These were more recent, the oldest being about nine months ago, just before her pregnancy. Both men discussed Maddy extensively. Davenport referred to Maddy's energy in bed while Gerard kept going on and on about how she dressed at work and the amount of times they flirted while alone together in either's office. To hear him say it Maddy was an eager participant who often started each episode of flirting. Fortunately, they never went further, but Gerard certainly saw that there was potential for greater intimacy. It was obvious that Gerard was seeking advice on how to proceed, asking Davenport to be his mentor in the seduction. Davenport for his part was feeding Gerard a lot of information on my wife. There were anecdotes about her fear of the water, about her love of certain foods, her love of the ballet; he even discussed her fear of abandonment after losing her father. All of these insights by Davenport amounted to a serious breach of trust, so much so that I debated forwarding these notes to Maddy herself. When I finished reading, I was concerned about this man named Gerard. I could not recall any Gerard working with Maddy and I had met most of her office-mates at the job or at the various functions, she and I attended. The rolodex in my mind called up each male I remembered from those parties. I could not recall an inappropriate remark or a passing glance that indicated some lustful intent towards my wife. Of course, my recollection was clouded by the last such party just weeks before. Seeing my wife eight months pregnant was not the fuel of erotic dreams…unless you were her husband. Then there was Maddy herself, she was consumed with the arrival of our baby. If there were ever a time to worry about some possible adulterous behavior it was not now. Once the baby arrived, there would be time to investigate the roots of Felicity Davenport's concerns. The emails failed to show any 'smoking gun'. Until I had one, I would file the matter away in a corner of my mind. The next few weeks were marked by our complete concentration on the baby…and Maddy's condition. We tried numerous diversions to relieve the tension. I opted to work from home during that time. It was pleasure helping her prepare the Christmas decorations and going with her to the numerous parties to which we were invited. There was only one downside to the holidays. Maddy was sleeping very poorly and keeping us both awake. On a few nights, she awoke to nightmares where she imagined the baby being born deformed. I knew she was anxious, almost as anxious as I was. It was one thing to plan and pregnancy another to actually have a baby. At 2am on January 4th Maddy woke me from what had been my first sound sleep of the week. Her water had broken. We left the apartment with military precision and were at the hospital within minutes. Less than half an hour after we arrived so did Hanna Marie Treadway; and for only the second time in my life, I knew pure unadulterated joy. The eight pounds and seven ounces of her being seemed so light in my arms. No one had prepared me for baby's skin; it was so soft that I feared harming her from holding her too tightly. Most of all there was the way she looked at me with those big eyes that conveyed so much trust and love. One look and I was smitten for life. Two days later Maddy was home and our lives were forever changed. From the beginning, we shared all of the parenting responsibilities. With the exception of breast-feeding, I was ever present to see to Hanna's needs. A month later and we had settled into a nice routine with Hanna that allowed us time to ourselves as well as the ability to match our sleeping patterns to hers. Now a mother, Maddy was the happiest I had ever seen her. She never lost that glow she had when she was pregnant. With very few stretch marks, she regained her figure within a month of the delivery. I don't' know how she managed to have her waist return to 24 inches, but the effect gave Maddy curves that most women envied. Of course having a 36C bust size added a lot to her picture perfect figure too. She radiated sensuality and I was eager to resume our sex life, and so I sensed was she. Spooning with her in bed each night was increasingly frustrating. Her doctor indicated that we needed to wait a few more weeks before engaging in vaginal sex. We could have sought oral relief but I was afraid that once we started down that route I would be unable to stop our inevitable slide into intercourse. The fact that Maddy was her affectionate self did not help matters either. About seven weeks into this purgatory, I was again in my downtown office when I received a call from Felicity Davenport. To be quite honest I had filed away Maddy's supposed indiscretions. I saw no change in her attitude towards me, if anything Maddy was more passionate today than before her pregnancy. So it was with some degree of annoyance that I picked up this call from the other Dr. Davenport "Hello Dr. Davenport. It has been some time since we've talked. How are you?" "I think we are beyond those introductions. Please call me Felicity", she stated in tone that seemed more familiar and friendly. "Felicity it is then, and please call me Danny. I was wondering when we would talk again." "How are you adjusting to fatherhood?" "Much better than I expected…very well actually." "Congratulations. I'm happy for you. However, this does not change anything. Since you haven't called me I take it that you either haven't read the documents I sent you or you don't consider them worthy of your concern." "I read most of them…and I'm still not convinced. For one, I am having a hard time understanding their motives. If I were to infer the worst, I might even conclude that my daughter might be his child." "I never said she was Mitchell's daughter. I would be shocked if she was. He is not THAT stupid. His game is blackmail not procreation, and Mitchell has not given up. I'm sending you his most recent emails to his confederate. I also believe that he has called your wife recently to reassert his claim. If I know Mitchell, he will continue to hound her until he gets his way. " Her last statement was like a slap in the face. My mood darkened as a result. My voice then conveyed the real fear I now felt. "Oh, I hear Hanna. Felicity, can I call you back, say in an hour? I'd really like to talk with you more about these emails." "Sure Danny. I'll be here all afternoon." I hung up the phone and immediately started bringing up the documents I had not read. I purposely had read the notes dating from right before Maddy's pregnancy and skipped the older ones. Well, I hadn't exactly skipped all of them. I simply read a couple and finding nothing of interest moved on to the more recent writings. When I looked at the remaining emails, I was appalled. There were several authored by Maddy that were particularly disturbing. I suddenly had my motive, or Maddy's at least. She was desperate for a baby. Due to some complications related to ovarian cysts, she mostly likely would not be able to conceive normally. She was however, an ideal candidate for artificial insemination. Maddy had pleaded with Davenport to see if she could arrange payments for the treatments. She explained our financial situation but offered to make good on the debt by making payments. When rebuffed she offered to provide other professional services for his next book. That too was refused. She kept proposing various arrangements. These exchanges went on for over a month until Davenport made an offer that she immediately rejected. Several notes later, she relented. Maddy had traded sex for fertility treatments, and evidently, her bargain called for "installment" payments! To say that I was shocked was an understatement. I called Felicity Davenport back moments later. "Dr. Davenport you talk as if you knew this was going to happen. I've reread all of the emails and I take you at your word that you know your husband has called Maddy. But let us be 100% truthful with one another. You want something from me and you have since we first met. You weren't stalking Maddy, you were stalking me. Now I'd like to know just what it is you want." There was a long pause as she let my words sink in. I was determined that she speak next. If I offered another word, it would be counterproductive. Mrs. Davenport was playing me and I did not like to be played. If she wanted my help, she needed to make her case and do so directly. "I am sorry to have done this to you Danny. In answer to your question, I thought it only fair that you know what was going on. Mitchell has always had a roving eye. I tried to ignore it because of our son. I suppose…" She was having trouble continuing. She added, "I suppose I would have lived with his infidelities if they were consensual. But the idea that he would use the desperation of young women as a means to satisfy his libido…that…well, it has to stop." We ended the call on that note but the conversation lingered in my mind the rest of that day. Even after I read her emails, I could not shake a growing feeling of dread. I didn't know what Maddy was going to do about her "deal" with Davenport. Furthermore, Felicity Davenport was still holding something back and that gnawed at me too. First, I needed to put a wrench in Maddy's plans. The Maddy I knew was honest to a fault. If she made a bargain, she would fulfill her end. Would she go through with it if she knew it would hurt me? Would Maddy deliberately take an action that she knew might end our marriage? No, she would not. The problem was that I knew her too well. In all of our short married life, we had never had a real argument. I had never been angry with her or even raised my voice when we disagreed on a subject. We had never been tested as a couple and that fact alone worried me. I based much of my understanding of her from our pre-teen years together. If I knew my wife, she would indeed try to resolve the problem with Davenport by the selling herself. She would also try to keep the entire bargain a secret from me. She would she sleep with him, though not for love, or I hoped not for love. My stomach went into knots when I thought that she might have some feelings for that man and perhaps was still attracted to him. To fulfill the deal was bad enough. To be in love with Mitchell was another problem entirely. Surely, Maddy did not love him. I knew she loved me, and she loved Hanna. Hanna. Would her love for Hanna stop her? Love could produce strange feelings. I loved Maddy so much that when she told me she was pregnant I worried if I would have any love left over for our child. It was an irrational thought. I realized my error as soon as Hanna was born. One love did not detract from the other, if anything I loved them both more. Could Maddy have the same feelings about Davenport and me? Could she balance both of us in her heart? No, it did not matter. I would not share her…ever. For me there was only one course of action. I would tell Maddy I knew about her and Davenport, but not just yet. I needed to know if she could continue to deceive me as part of her bargain. That meant waiting to tell her. There would come an appropriate time, until then I would carry on normally. Chapter 4: Exposure Felicity called two days later. She told me that Mitchell had spoken with Maddy. She had been given a date. They were to rendezvous on April 10th. She had two months to decide. How Felicity learned about this meeting, I don't know. I wondered if she had a spy in Mitchell's office. I could not believe she could have acquired this much information acting alone. In any event, that call caused me to watch Maddy more closely. For the Love of Hanna When I arrived home that evening Maddy seemed to be noticeably on edge. A few times during dinner, she was obviously distracted from our conversation. However, when she was with Hanna she was with her totally, her concentration was complete. With me, she appeared hesitant as if she had something to say but couldn't. She even touched me differently. Her hands tended to linger longer. Was it guilt? Was she having second thoughts? I waited to see which. Maddy and I had acted out our roles as the perfect married couple for the first two months after Hanna's birth. The sexual tension between us was building but I had not approached her when we went to bed each evening. This was now the ninth week. We were in bed when Maddy made her move towards me. She began by softly kissing my ear while rubbing her hand over my chest. In the past when she had done this, I would have eagerly responded. In minutes, I would be the aggressive one leading the dance. I almost cracked when she touched me. It had been almost four months since our last coupling and I was very much in need of her too. Instead, I decided to act nonchalantly when she advanced. I lay there motionless. Then when Maddy moved her hand towards my groin, I spoke. "Maddy, do you know a Dr. Mitchell Davenport?" She was caught off guard by this. She moved slowly back to her place in the bed. Then while trying to remain calm she answered. "Sure, he was my faculty advisor at Hopkins. Why?" I had trouble hiding my distaste of this exchange. I frowned as I asked, "Exactly how well did you know him?" Maddy must have heard the contempt in my voice because she turned away from me briefly. Then as if she were composing herself, she turned again to look me in the eye. Her expression was one of surprise mixed with apprehension. I prepared myself for a stonewall. However, I underestimated her propensity for bluntness. "I know Mitchell very well. I consider him a good friend. It was on his recommendation that I was hired by the University." Then she took a breath. "I can tell by your tone that you probably already know this… we…we were lovers." "Were you aware that he was married?" "Yes, I knew he was married. Daniel, that was over before we met. It turned out to be just sex, nothing more. Why are you asking me this now? I'm not in the habit of talking with you about my past relationships. You don't want to hear about them just like I don't want to know about the women in your past." "Maddy, the man was married." "So? I don't get your point. Are you trying to get me to say I was wrong for sleeping with a married man? OK, I was wrong. Are you happy?" "No…I'm not." She then got up and walked to the closet. There she stood my wife, the 'other woman' in a past life. I just stared at her. She stood defiant, her expression one of annoyance. She resumed her defense. "I can't believe that you're so judgmental, so self-righteous. What I did…what Mitchell and I did, was none of your business. It did not concern you. So you have no right to sit there with your smug attitude and proceed to judge me". Before I became aware of it, I was slowly shaking my head. My disappointment in her was obvious. It was assumed that we shared the same values, particularly about fidelity. We had not talked about it, it was assumed. Was it too late to have that conversation? "Maddy", I began, "this is now my business". She tossed on her robe and left me alone in the bedroom. I considered pursuing her but thought better of it. She returned a little while later and eased into her side of the bed. Round one was over, won by Maddy. She slept while I laid awake thinking of what to say. My moment had passed. I had been unprepared. My well-reasoned arguments failed me. My anger was returning and I wanted to lash out at her. For the entire night, I stared at the ceiling imagining my wife in the arms of Mitchell Davenport. I visualized her as she moved under me as we made love. Then I saw her with him and showing the same affection for him as she had for me. When I tried to sleep the images kept intruding. Early in the morning, I felt Maddy shifting nervously next to me. I wanted to continue the argument. Now in hindsight I know that that was mistake. I managed to have the presence of mind to sit on our bed when I began (even though I wanted to rush to her and shake her into my reality). As it was, I began with my voice raised barely above a whisper. Maddy was lying on her side. I knew she was awake. "Maddy I know about Mitchell Davenport and the treatments. And I know how you paid for them." I was not looking at her when I said this. If I had, I was afraid of losing my composure. I felt the bed move as she quickly shifted her position then stood in front of me. Her pose was at first defiant and her voice strong. "I did what I had to do. When I look at Hanna I know it was the only thing I could do." "You prostituted yourself. Tell me why you HAD to do that." I shouted. I was losing control. I closed my eyes to calm myself. In all it took only a few seconds. I looked deeply into Maddy's eyes. Regardless of the strength of her voice, I saw the doubt and fear in her. Somewhere in her mind, I had reached that part of her that was bound to me. That part of her was uncomfortable with her betrayal. Seeing some advantage, I continued. "Did you ever stop to consider what effect your actions would have on me…on our marriage? She could not look at me after I said that. All she could manage was, "I've got to check on Hanna." With that, she turned and left our bedroom. The argument was over. I did not need to express the rest of my feelings to Maddy. She knew me well enough to know I was extremely upset. The real question was what was I going to do? A part of me wanted to leave her, to be rid of her completely. She had lied to me, deceived me, and cheated on me with another man… a former lover. As unsettling as this was, it was complicated by the fact that I still did not believe that she was motivated by love or lust. There was no evidence that she had any feelings for Davenport. He was someone she used to accomplish her objective. I wondered what she felt about me. Was my status in her eyes similar to Davenport's? Was I another means to an end? Did she see me only as a sperm donor? Certainly, she gave me no indication that she was using me. She and I had been best friends as well as lovers. We had made plans, shared secrets, created life. Was I only a sperm donor to her? The only person that I was sure that Maddy loved was Hanna. If I believed her, all she had done, she had done for Hanna. Was her desire to be a mother justification enough for her actions? No. Aside from that, Maddy had not acted alone. She used Davenport and he used her. However, it was not a relationship of equals. Even if she had approached him, he could have handled the situation responsibly. Instead, he made a decision to be a slime ball. Whatever the outcome of my relationship with Maddy I had to do something to stop Davenport from blackmailing any other women in her situation. Someone who would do this should not enjoy the benefit of a medical license. He should not be entrusted with the lives of other women. The problem was how to get Davenport without doing injury to Maddy or Hanna. I had but a rudimentary understanding of how doctors were licensed and what it took to challenge their ability to practice. I would need to be advised by someone who was familiar with the law as well as the licensing board in Maryland. I needed to hire a lawyer in Maryland skilled in matters of malpractice. But who? There was one person who was perfect for this assignment. I made my way to my home office down the hall and closed the door behind me before reaching for the phone. It was only 8:30am, and it was Saturday, but I knew that Felicity would not mind. If I were right, she would be expecting my call. She knew before I did what role her husband had played in my wife's pregnancy. She could have told me when we first met; instead, she gave enough information to help me discover the truth for myself. She never said it, but she too had used me. Felicity did not want to challenge Mitchell on her own. However, if she had his patient, a victim of his to champion, she could take action against Mitchell with limited damage to herself. Most of the proceedings of the Medical Boards across the country were conducted in secret. It was long held that these boards operated to protect the doctors and limit the liability of their insurance carriers. Maryland was probably no different from most states. However, Felicity was herself a member of that same club, except that she had influence there beyond the average practitioner. She could stick the knife in Mitchell's career before he even knew he was under suspicion. If I guessed right, she had been waiting for this opportunity. Dr. Mitchell Davenport's sins were not all of a professional nature. She would extract some measure of personal revenge…for all of us. "Felicity? It's Danny Treadway. Can we talk?" "Sure Danny." "You were not completely honest with me yesterday. This is not just about letting me know what Maddy and Mitchell had been doing. You implied he has done this before, I will guess with patients much closer to home. It would have been easier to contact them. However, you come all the way to Philadelphia to spy on us. You want something else. Is it revenge against Maddy?" "This is not about getting even with your wife. She just happened to be my husband's current pawn when I made my decision. So what do I want? I want him out of the profession…if not permanently then barred for some period, for that I need the cooperation of your wife and only you can deliver her. Of course that cooperation presupposes that she does not complete her part of their bargain." "I don't want her doing that either, for obvious reasons. However, I can't guarantee that Maddy will help you." "You must try Danny. He can't be left to do this again." "I'll talk to Maddy, that's all I can guarantee." "That's all I ask." As I was hanging up the phone I heard what I thought was the front door closing in the other room. I went out to check. The door was closed so I went to our bedroom. Maddy was gone. I was too wound up to speak with her anyway. She was probably out shopping for groceries. It was Saturday. I then checked on Hanna. She was sleeping peacefully. She wore a new diaper, obviously changed by her mother. Hanna would be awake soon. I needed to prepare her bottle. I was right about Hanna. She let me know she was hungry as I was warming her milk. She quieted as soon as she saw me. I thought I caught a smile escaping her lips as I lifted her then took her into the living room for her breakfast. She and I were a pair for the next few hours. By the time I looked up it was noon and Maddy had still not returned. I moved the playpen into my office, sat Hanna down, turned on my computer and started to do some work. An hour later, I was startled by a call from Maddy. She was at her mother's house in Salem, New Jersey. She had taken the bus there and more importantly, she did not know when she would be back. That call was not an exchange. Maddy talked and I listened. I barely managed a "goodbye" before hanging up. I was numb. By leaving, Maddy took the decision from me. For all the anger I had, I was not prepared to have her leave me. I secretly wanted her to put up more of a fight. What she had done with Davenport was wrong. We both knew that. However, she neither expressed remorse nor gave justifications for her actions. She simply gave up on us. That she could leave so easily hurt almost as much as knowing of her adultery. I was confused. I refused to think of divorce, yet I was afraid that she would divorce me. How could I live with a person who could cheat on me? Could I live without her? I wanted to punish her and I wanted to forgive her. I was a jumble of mixed emotions when I thought of her. I was so angry with her but I could never knowingly hurt her. Her call marked the beginning of many lonely nights. It was a struggle to keep my life on an even keel. To cope, I learned to set rigid schedules, and to live by them. By keeping order in my life, I was avoiding the inevitable confrontation with Maddy and the decision on how to proceed with our relationship. Chapter 5: Understanding Maddy My days were arranged for customers or for meetings and proposals. It was easy to over commit my time and I became a master at filling my calendar. While engrossed in my work I did not allow Maddy to enter my thinking. Returning home each night, it was impossible not to think of her. There was only one aspect of my nights that caused me joy, and that was Hanna. She lit up with a big smile every time I came for her. It was just she and I and we delighted in one another. But my elation was short-lived. When Hanna went to sleep, I was alone again. Maddy called at least twice a week. Our conversations were short and always about Hanna. How was she was eating? Was she sleeping? Was she teething? How was her last checkup? And after the questions, I would place the receiver near Hanna's ear so that she could hear her mother's voice before she signed off. If despair has a signature, it was present in her voice. Each call was surreal and I grew to dread them. I kept to this routine for a month. After each call, I was numb. It wasn't what Maddy and I talked about, it was what we didn't talk about. She needed a connection with us. I complied with each call because it helped me avoid thinking about our future. One Friday night I was feeding Hanna when the doorbell rang. It was Alex, my older brother. I measured his face and saw the familiar smile he first acquired when we were kids. I marveled at how he always maintained a calm veneer. Alex was one of the youngest Lieutenants in the Philadelphia Police Department. His looked favored more the student than the cop. We hadn't talked in a couple of months and I wasn't expecting him, then again Alex was never expected. He had a habit of just showing up. It was probably a habit acquired from the job. After taking off his coat he joined Hanna and I in the kitchen. "So what brings you out tonight? " "Actually I'm here to see how you guys are doing?" he said, then looking over at Hanna. "I take it that you and Maddy are still separated?" "You too? Did Mom send you? How did she find out? Has she told everyone that we're separated?" "No, just your family. What's wrong with you Danny? "What's wrong with me? Nothing, other than that my wife has left me." "Really? Have you been to see her?" he said with a smirk. "Alex…it's not that simple." "Is it ever? You want simple, stay single and join a monastery. That's simple." "Alex, she cheated on me. I can't let that go." Alex sighed before he spoke again. His voice dropped almost to a whisper. "If this was anyone other than Maddy I would say to leave her in a heartbeat. When Mom mentioned that you were separated I couldn't believe it. I knew you had done something stupid. So I called Maddy and then went to see her." He paused again as he turned his gaze to Hanna. "Sometimes the facts obscure the truth." "I don't know what you're talking about. She knows where I am. She left, if she wants to see me I'm here every night." "So you haven't thought of going to get her?" He was looking at me as if I had two heads. "Danny, when are you going to end this nonsense and go and get your wife? She won't come back on her own. You know she's not staying away because of the other guy. It's you Danny. She is ashamed of herself. She does not know how to face you because she knows how much this has hurt you. Much of her opinion of herself is based upon what you think of her. Now that she's done what she's done it's killing her." "How do you know this?" Alex slowly shook his head. He was growing impatient with me. He left the room and sought his coat. "I know this because I saw it in her face and heard it in her voice. I don't know all of what she did. I just know her. Whatever it was little brother, you need to hold in check some of that pride of yours and go to her before it's too late. If you want some measure of payback then focus your anger on the slime that used her. He is your enemy…not your wife. If you need some help with him call me." With that said Alex embraced me and left. I frowned as I closed the door behind him. As usual, my big brother was right; a fact I knew would cause me grief, particularly if he knew that I knew. He was right though. My pride kept me from seeing the truth. I wanted to punish Maddy so I expected her to come crawling back to me. She could never do that. It was not in her nature. She would take her shame and pain in solitude. In order for our marriage to survive, I had to seek her out and let her know that I forgave her. However, forgiveness would come with a price. I wasn't sure if when Maddy was told the price that she would still want to come home. On Saturday morning, I dressed Hanna and packed her bags for our trip to her Grandparent's house. With the stress associated with our marriage all time spent with Hanna became even more precious. Now with Maddy out of the house I was concerned that Hanna should always be around family who loved her. My parents were expecting us. Hanna was their youngest grandchild and the only girl, so her presence was always a special occasion. My Dad scooped her up with a bushel of giggles. A second later and they were playing in the living room. Mom led me to the kitchen and offered breakfast, but I was not hungry. "Have you decided what to do about your marriage?" she began. She caught me by surprise. Maddy had been gone over a month and I had not told my mother the real reason for her departure, only that Maddy was visiting with her mother in New Jersey. My expression must have spoken volumes. "Danny, I know about the reason for the separation. Maddy and I talk almost every day. I know you are upset with her and the situation is complicated. But I hope you are considering the bigger picture." I hadn't thought about the possibility that Maddy would share the details our problems with my mother. At first, I was annoyed that she was involved, but after a few moments, I was relieved that Maddy could speak so openly with her. However, I did not know if Maddy divulged everything. Mom might not be so understanding if she knew the whole story. I decided to show all of my cards. "Mom, Maddy cheated on me. That she did so to become pregnant with our child doesn't make it hurt any less." My statement had no visible effect on my mother. She continued along the same line of argument. "She told me that Danny, and she also told me why she did it. This does not excuse what she did, but you need to talk with her. You need to hear her out before you make a decision that might destroy your family." "If anyone destroyed our family she did." "She's hurting Danny." "And I'm not?" "I know you are. However, it will be worse if you two divorce. Maddy has loved you for as long as she can remember. She is bound to you Danny; and because of that, you have tremendous power over her. You exercise that power whether you are consciously aware you are using it or not. I don't find her position completely healthy but it is something you two can work on to fix together." "Mom I don't know if I can ever forget what she did." "You probably won't. I wouldn't want you or her ever to forget, but there are circumstances that can allow you to forgive." "But how can I ever trust her again?" "Trust is not about her, it's about you learning to recognize, and handle the imperfections of another." My mother was searching my eyes before she started up again.