67 comments/ 70941 views/ 17 favorites For All We Know By: StangStar06 Hi Folks, How do you follow last week? You don't. You just write another story and realize that some of them are going to do well and others will go over like a fart in church. The last two have been relatively aggressive so this time I wanted to do something little different. Two of my biggest influences are DQS1 and AlleyKat08. In the last story he graced us with, he mentioned that he doesn't think that cheaters are necessarily bad people they've just made mistakes.AK08 is radical about her views on cheaters. I thought it might be interesting to explore this and see if I could find a situation where she'd have sympathy for the cheaters. Some of you won't like this one (naturally) so next week will of course be something different. Thanks, as always, to the incredible Mikothebaby who turned my gibberish into a story and this week had far less time to do it. SS06 * * * * * * "Again today I sat alone. I watched the rain as it fell." "Another moment passes by. That's when the loneliness is felt." No a good start, I thought. They were probably the most depressing song lyrics I'd ever written. How the hell was I supposed to help it though? I tended to write the way I felt and on that rainy day only one thing was going through my mind. I knew that she was with "Him," again. I couldn't help it. I wondered what they were doing and I felt sick to my stomach. I imagined him whispering into her ear, and I wanted to scream. Of course, she always tells me that she loves me and only me. But what difference does that make? I imagine him running his hands all over her luscious body or simply touching her and I want to strangle the bastard. Of course, he isn't a bastard at all, he's actually quite noble. It doesn't change a fucking thing. If I thought that for one second I could get away with it, I'd kill that motherfucker. But instead, I sit here on a rainy afternoon and write depressing song lyrics. My band is doing really well and we need new material. I don't even understand why I do certain things and why I don't do others. Why, for instance, am I playing in a band? I'm twenty four years old and working on my Master's degree in bio chemistry. Between my classes and my internship at Harris Chemical, I'm pretty busy. I'd love to be able to spend the rest of my time with Priya. And to be honest, I really do. We share a lot of the same classes. We study together and our work schedules are the same so really the only time we're apart is when we're at work at our different jobs... ...Or when she's spending time with this bastard. He travels a lot and whenever he's in town, she's with him. In fact, he mostly comes into town just to see her and fuck up my life. After he leaves, it takes a while for us to get over the feelings of guilt and anger that he leaves in his wake. Sometimes it's her, but lately it's been me. The last time he came into town and left, I'd been already asleep when he was done with her. She came into my room. I still don't understand why she didn't just stay in their hotel room until the next morning. Anyway she came in and crawled into bed with me. I pretended to be asleep. She tried to shake me and I mumbled but continued my pretense. So realizing finally that sex was off of the table, she snuggled herself into a spoon position right in front of me. Her ass insinuated itself against my crotch and she even had the nerve to pull my arm around her. She let out a contented sigh the way a cat does after stretching and clawing up your fucking couch. And that was what she'd just done to me. She'd just clawed up my fragile heart and treated me like my feelings mattered to her as much as the couch you aren't done paying for, does to that fucking cat. I could smell the Indian food on her breath with its pungent spices and I could smell the shitty, flowery smelling incense that he burned in his hotel rooms in her hair. Either she didn't care that I could smell them or it just didn't matter. Maybe she thought that I loved her so much that she could just throw shit in my face and I had no choice. Maybe she thought that I loved her so much that I'd take her back no matter what. And the worst fucking things about it is that she was right. I did love her that much and I would. From the very first time that I saw Priya, I belonged to her. She's exotic looking with an almost golden complexion. She has long, inky black hair that goes almost down to her waist. Her waist is so tiny that I can put my hands around it and have my fingertips touch. Her breasts are very large for her petite frame and her ass is very well rounded. She has very long, sculptured legs but despite all of that, my favorite of her physical attributes are her large almost luminous, golden eyes and her mouth. Whether it's her wry little smile expressing something, while her sarcasm cuts someone to bone, or the way she winks at me while we're in class; I love her face more than anything. The only thing that comes close to her face is her personality. Priya is everything to me. She's both best friend and girlfriend at the same time. She's my biggest fan and my harshest critic as well. I remember times when I wrote songs for her that I thought were brilliant and that everyone in the band loved and she'd say, "Meh." I'd asked her what was wrong with it. Neither she nor I had any formal training in music and some of the guys in the band were music majors. I always figured if they liked it, it had to be good. We'd try the song out at a gig or party and usually her reactions would be correct. I remember asking what it was about the song that she didn't like. And she'd tell me. "You can do better, Honey," she'd say. "This song sounds just like the song you wrote me for my birthday. So if you do this song and that song in the same night, most people aren't going to like it as much because they'll think they've already heard it." She was always pushing for me to do more and do better. All of our friends had gotten to the point where they were simply tired of hearing us talk about each other. My friends got to the point where they refused to even listen to my opinion on women. I remember last week when the SI swimsuit edition came out. Being guys, we talked about it. There was even an argument going on over whether Kate Upton or Cintia Dicker was the most beautiful woman on the planet. They even asked a couple of the girls about it. But they never asked me, not even to break the tie. Finally, one of the girls brought me the magazine and asked me which one I liked. And I told her that I thought they were both beautiful but neither one was nearly as pretty as Priya. She, on the other hand, sits around drawing little hearts with our names in them and sometimes gets so distracted doing that and dreaming about our future during class, that I have to give her my notes to study from. I guess it's not enough to be in love. We both think that the other was put on this planet just for us. So the other night, when she crawled into bed and snuggled up to me, it hurt her just as badly I think, when I rolled away from her, as it had hurt me to think about the time that she'd just spent with him. By now, all of the "He man" guys out there are thinking that I should go find the guy and beat his fucking ass. That isn't possible or likely because I am not Rambo. "Shit, Rambo isn't Rambo anymore. Stallone has had a couple of heart attacks and looks more like Liza Minnelli than Rambo these days. Sorry guys but you're thinking with your fists instead of your brains. This guy is an international figure and has a crew of armed bodyguards that travel everywhere with him. If I so much as farted in the same room with him, the only thing left of me would be a small stain on the floor. By now, the wimpy guys out there are probably making fucking excuses for her and thinking about how evolved I am to let her do what she needs to do to feel fulfilled or something stupid like that. Well guys, again I'm sorry but your panties are probably too tight. Because you see, I'm not that fucking sophisticated. Cheating is just fucking wrong and Priya is mine. She loves me. She doesn't love him. What they do together is just...well it's just necessary. By now the moderates among you are probably thinking about this in what seems like a logical way. Like me, they agree that cheating is wrong and I shouldn't have anything to do with it. But they realize that my relationship is with Priya, not with him. So by now, they're thinking that I should either give her an ultimatum or just kick her ass to the curb. I should either tell her that it's him or me; but not both or I should just dump her. And truly, most of those guys are probably thinking dump her. They're thinking that no matter how much I love her, she's disrespected me and for both my own piece of mind and my self-respect, I need to get rid of her. Seriously, her having another man implies that I'm not enough for her. She threw the whole thing in my face. She didn't even respect me enough to cheat on me. That makes it seem like I wasn't important enough to her for her to bother covering it up. Then there's the future. What if I did make her stop or give her the big ultimatum? How the hell would I know if she had stopped? And how do I even know that sometime in the future she wouldn't just do it again? At any rate, the only opinion that matters here is mine. This is after all, my life and my decision. Especially when you guys are all wrong... You see, Priya is cheating. But she's cheating with me. I'm the other guy. The guy she's with right now is her betrothed. In her country, that's the same thing as being married. She was chosen for him by their parents when she was four years old. Their families are both very old families with a lot of power and influence in their country. Her betrothed is in line to become the next Prince of Pacmanistan. Priya could become the next queen and help to set policy in the country. She came to our country to further her education. The two of us were never supposed to meet. We were never supposed to fall in love. But we did and everything is just fucked up. I can remember that first afternoon that I saw her. We were both at a picnic on the beach with a large group of mutual friends. There were several unaccompanied girls there, but as I said, from the first time I laid eyes on her, I was hers. There were also several single guys there and a few of the more confident guys also noticed her. They went over to her and took their shots and got shot down. I think most of them were smart enough after hearing about her situation to simply leave her alone. After all, there were other single girls there. I saw her across the beach and never went over to her but I was smitten. Everything she did only made the attraction stronger. When I heard her speak, her clipped British sounding accent drove me mad. When she stripped off her T-shirt and shorts to go into the water I had a personal explosion and nearly blacked out. It wasn't so much an explosion as much as it was a painful diversion. All of the blood was diverted very rapidly from one head to the other. When she got into the water, her screams of delight endeared her to me even more. And I still to this day have visions of her stepping out of the water with all of the wet hair streaming down her back and plastered to her face. To me it's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. After that, I became more social. I went anywhere that she was going to be, just so I could stare at her from afar. My heart broke every time some guy tried to talk to her. I rejoiced every time she repelled them. And I shuddered to think that her biting sarcasm would someday push me away the very same way. Over time, we'd made eye contact a few times and it really seemed to me that there was something there between us. But I never made the move that would forever expel me from her presence. I wasn't really in her presence but I was on the periphery and that was far better than being rejected and dismissed. Finally the fall gave way to winter and our group of friends started to pair off and the numbers of singles diminished greatly. Since winter also lends itself more towards indoor activities this presented an opportunity. There were several times when we went to see movies and all of the couples paired off, leaving the few of us that were singles looking at each other. That had been an interesting time for me because, I'm not a troll. Almost from the beginning, there had been several women that had expressed an interest in either pursuing me outright or in having me pursue them. And being a young, hormonal, twenty something guy, there were times when I considered giving up. I wondered then exactly what I was giving up. I had nothing going with her after all. She, on the other hand, was seriously committed to someone else. She was also a virgin and in no way considering changing that status. So what exactly was I giving up? By giving up Priya, or at least giving up secretly stalking her; I'd be giving up frustration. I'd also be giving up being alone and lonely. And best of all, I'd be giving up celibacy because most of the girls our age were not only willing to have sex with their mates but wanted it. On the other hand, a lot of the girls we hung out with had asked me about Priya. And even more of the guys had caught me staring at her. So, some of our well-meaning friends pushed us together. The group started to do more of the indoor activities which started to include restaurants and bars and dancing. I often danced with a lot of the single girls, but I never once asked Priya to dance. So it was a huge surprise to me when I sat down at a table after dancing and she just flat out spoke to me. "Do I have food stuck in my teeth?" she asked. Before I could even look at her she kept talking in that clipped accent with that sarcastic tone. She lifted one arm and then the other. "Shit, I probably stink," she said. "Is that it?" I had never heard her curse before but she was working herself up and I could see it. "Or maybe it's something else," she continued. "Maybe it's the hair thing. I don't have sexy blond hair so you don't talk to me. Maybe you're not as smart as everyone seems to think you are. Maybe..." "Lady, you don't know me at all," I threw in when I got the chance. She grabbed my statement and ran with it. "Eric Peters," she said. "You're in the top three in your class in every subject. You're majoring in biochemistry. You have an internship with Harris chemical and aren't planning to work for them after graduation. You play guitar and write songs for a band that keeps changing its name. You have a nice voice but you don't like to sing. Your locker is 643 on the first floor of the Chem building. Your academic mentor is Dr. Sheppard just like mine. You don't live in the dorm. You have an apartment off campus. You drive a 2004 Mustang GT. Your car is the 40th anniversary edition and has a black interior and black exterior. You like that because they only made 25 of those and you tell everyone about it. You..." "Okay," I said. "I surrender. You do know ABOUT me. But you don't know me." "Okay," she continued, "you're probably not a racist but I think you must be a xenophobe...you know a nationalist..." "I know what a xenophobe is," I spat. "I have a good vocabulary and...." "Yes I know," she continued. "Almost no one will play scrabble with you. I've seen you dance a lot of times with Terri, she's black. You've also danced with Amy and Sarah. You've even stumbled around the floor with Rosa and she's a Latina. But you've never asked me to dance even one time. Terri and Rosa have boyfriends and you danced with them. Amy and Sarah are single. Amy likes you. But once again you've never asked me to dance even one fucking TIME. Why is that? Are you sure I don't stink?" "Respect and sanity," I said. "I respect your situation and your choice. I'm also sane enough to understand futility." I said. "What the hell does that mean?" she asked. "It means that I've watched guys who are far better looking than I am, guys who have a lot more charm and all of that bullshit that girls go for, struck down and then ground down by you. My ego probably wouldn't take the humiliation, so I steered clear." "You're pretty charming yourself," she said. "How do you know that you wouldn't succeed where the others failed?" My laugh punctuated the conversation as I walked off. It was the perfect period at the end of her improbable sentence. Surprisingly enough, she followed me as I tried to walk away from her. "Eric, you're perfect for me," she said. It was bad enough that she was teasing me. Was there really a need to humiliate me as well? The woman I'd fallen for from afar was some type of exotic ball breaker. It wasn't enough for her to freeze out and put down every guy who tried to talk to her. Now it seemed she was expanding to going after guys who weren't bothering her, just so she could humiliate them as well. "Please find someone else to toy with," I said. I waved at a few of my friends and left the bar. A few moments later I was safe in the arms...well the seat of my girl. The only woman I had ever loved before I saw Priya. My glass black 04 Mustang GT. I started the engine and basked in the sound of over three hundred horses channeled through an after-market exhaust system that had been custom made for my car. As I pulled away from the curb, I saw Priya staring at me in my rear view mirror. I wondered as I drove away if I was making the biggest mistake in my life. I actually had nothing to lose but my pride, and not really much of that. After all, Priya had already blown off every other guy who'd tried to talk to her. If I'd tried and failed, I'd have only been one more guy on the list. And since I had a pretty good reputation as a good guy, it would probably have said far more about her than it did about me. On the other hand, she'd really had me going when she'd said, "I was perfect for her." Shit, my heart had started beating so hard that I had to get the fuck out of there. I'd even left without saying goodbye to most of my friends. I just had to get out of there so I could breathe. More than anything else, I wanted the world to flip. I wanted to be in a world where instead of being lumbering, hairy, brutish creatures, men were the graceful beautiful ones. Priya was so God damned beautiful that I sometimes couldn't stand to look at her. Her grace and beauty were evident in everything she did. Watching her walk along the beach as I'd done during the early fall when the weather was still warm enough for that, was like watching a symphony. She turned the simple act of locomotion into an almost balletic performance. I was so crazy about that woman that it hurt. But the first time I actually speak to her I find out that beneath all of that grace and beauty, she's just another ball-breaking bitch. What a world. The funny thing about it is that most women wonder why some guys don't want to own a woman; we just want to rent them. I spent the rest of the evening alternately mooning over what could have been and cursing her memory out for the bitch she tried to be. I resolved that since she and I never had anything going except for the imaginary relationship I'd dreamed of since I met her, an imaginary break up was in order. I spent my last conscious moments before sleep overtook me considering the pros and cons of some of the other single women in our circle. And I decided to be logical and only consider women who had expressed some interest in me. The problem was that when compared to each other, they all had varying degrees of attractiveness and merit. But if I ever compared them to her they came up lacking. Amy, for instance, had a cute face. She also had a nice rack. If you considered simply volume and eliminated proportion, her boobs were bigger than Priya's by far. Amy was also a nice girl and she was interested in me. So if I was looking at things in a purely logical manner, Amy was the girl for me. For All We Know But I've never been the type of guy to consider things on the basis of pure logic. Sure Amy had big boobs but when you compared other factors, such as proportion, Priya's boobs were smaller but her body compared to Amy's is much tinier. Proportionately Priya's boobs were bigger and her waist was a lot tinier. And Amy has no ass at all. If you watched them walking next to each other, the way I had several times during the summer, it was like a graceful gazelle walking next to a cow. To put it in non-zoological terms it's like driving through a twisting and technical Grand Prix race circuit. If you need to drive that course, do you want to drive it in a semi or a Ferrari? When I woke up the next day, I'd already figured it out in my mind. The decision I'd made wasn't the one a nice guy would make, but it was probably the best one possible for me. I'd start spending time with Amy but I wouldn't lead her on. I wasn't going to allow it to turn into a relationship, but if she wanted to hang out that was fine. It was also fine if she wanted to turn the non-relationship into a "friends with benefits" thing, because I was all about the benefits. But I was not going to start calling us a couple. The way I looked at it, some pussy and no hassle although with a cow, trumps no pussy and humiliation from a gazelle every day. Unfortunately, the decision was taken out of my hands. I was on my way to my first class and a little early when I ran into Amy. I waved at her and she came right over to me and looked like she had something on her mind. She did but it wasn't what I expected. "Eric do you know how to skate?" she asked. "Well," I said. "I'm not a hockey player, or an ice dancer, but I can probably make it around a rink a couple of times without embarrassing myself or falling all over the place." "Good, because we're all going skating at the plaza downtown tomorrow night and maybe you can make up for last night, and get your good guy card back," she said. "How did I lose my good guy card?" I asked. "When we danced last night we seemed to be fine. Oh Shit, sorry I left without saying anything. But I just had to get out of there." "After making Priya cry, you should have left," she said. I was shocked at her words. "Amy, how did I make her cry?" I asked. "We had a conversation that's all." "Eric, you've never asked her to dance," she said. "Is dancing with her a requirement?" I asked. "Well...no but it would be nice," she said. "Eric, you just don't understand life in her country. The women over there are treated like shit. They're second class citizens." "Amy, you don't understand life over here. Men are treated like shit. WE'RE second class citizens," I said laughing. "Okay explain that one," she smirked. "Amy, if you take a typical guy like me, life sucks. I'm not rich. I'm not handsome, I'm a normal guy. The hot women look right through me to see some asshole, that'll end up abusing them or cheating on them or ignoring them. I'll end up with a nice little woman, that'll turn into my mom over the next twenty years. I'll never have an overwhelming passion for her, we'll just be stable. We'll have a couple of kids and by the time we're 45 one or both of us will have cheated on the other. Maybe we'll put it behind us or maybe we'll divorce. If we do divorce, pure loneliness will drive us to someone else." "If we do divorce, I'm screwed no matter who cheated on whom. I'll get raped in court because that's the way it works. Probably as many as half of the men out there want divorces, but as they say, it's cheaper to keep her." "Eric, what does this have to do with Priya?" she asked. "How many guys have you seen ask her out?" I asked. "Lots of them right?" she nodded. "Have you ever thought about how difficult it is to be a guy? You have to summon up your courage and approach a veritable stranger to ask them if you can spend some time with them. The poor guy has no power. He's at the whim of that woman. How much self-esteem does he have left when she rejects him? Some girls try to be nice about it. They make up excuse after excuse and the guy finally takes the hint and moves on. Other girls figure they don't want to beat around the bush and stretch it out, so they just say no. It' hurts more, but you get over it and move on quickly. But your friend is the type of woman who enjoys putting guys down. She just beats the shit out of them with sarcasm and destroys their ego. I think she gets off on it." "I think you're wrong Eric," said Amy. "She does have a weird sense of humor, but Priya doesn't have a mean bone in her whole body." "Amy, yesterday was the first time, I've ever spoken to her. She just walked up to me and started calling me names," I said. "Eric, she was frustrated and hurt," said Amy. "We spent the whole week trying to teach her how to dance. They don't have many dance clubs in Pacmanistan. And young ladies from good families especially on her level, simply don't dance in public. And then there was you. Like you said Eric, she's had to tell a few guys off. And trust me, Priya has a mouth on her and she isn't afraid to use it. But most of those guys were asking for it. Eric, she can't go on romantic single dates with guys because she's engaged. She can go out in groups with FRIENDS though. She's a really pretty girl Eric, but she doesn't see it. And shit, I'd love to be built like her. But guys don't see it like that. Most of them aren't really angling for a date or a friendship. They just want some pussy and they see dating as a way to get it." "Eric, you danced with all of the single women in our group yesterday and some of the attached ones. Terri's gigantic football player fiancé doesn't mind you dancing with her whether he's there or not because you're not an asshole and you respect limits. The only girl in our group that wanted to dance that you didn't dance with was Priya, Eric. She was almost in tears. So yeah, she kind of went into attack mode, but what did you expect?" "Amy, there are other guys in our group. Like you said, someone could have and should have danced with her. It didn't have to be me," I said. "Eric, it really did have to be," she hissed. "Why?" I asked. "Most guys hate dancing," she said. "They do it as a means to an end. With Priya there's not going to be an end. So someone has to do it just to be nice and you're the nice one. The two other single guys that we hang out with are either desperate or a dirt bag, so it really did have to be you. The guys who have girlfriends had better not dance with her or their girlfriends are going to be jealous or angry so they're not going to volunteer, so it should have been you. As a matter of fact, I told her before we got there that you'd probably dance with her. That's why she went after you." "So everyone just assumed that I'm supposed to be some sort of non-sexual saint. I'm supposed to rescue old ladies and orphans and dance with angry women with no thought of personal gain?" I asked. "Yes Eric," she laughed. "That's what you're supposed to do." The next day I drove downtown to the plaza along with a group of my friends. Those of us who had cars drove them and picked up those who didn't. I rented skates and tried out my rusty skills. After an exploratory lap around the rink, I was smiling and enjoying myself. I did a quick jump turn and suddenly remembered how to skate backwards. After that, I skated in time to the music and watched as several of my friends fell and got up and continued skating. Amy was an amazing skater. I skated with her a couple of times. The second time, she started waving something around in her hand. "We're going dancing tomorrow night if you want the chance to get this back?" she said. "If I want what back?" I asked. "Your good guy card," she smirked. "Amy, why do the girls always get together and decide where we're going?" I asked. "Because if we let the guys decide, we'd just stay in someone's basement playing video games, drinking beer and fucking," she said smiling. "So are you going to get this back tomorrow or what?" "Why wait?" I asked. I skated over to the sidelines quickly and leaned over the railing by the table that Priya was sitting at. I leaned over the railing until our faces were very close. "Why aren't you skating?" I asked. "Because I don't know how?" she said, sarcastically matching my exact tone. "If we got off on the wrong foot yesterday, I'm sorry," I said. "I'm kind of shy and I just thought that I'd get humiliated. No one really wants to be hurt, and coming from you it..." I hesitated. "What do you mean coming from me?" she asked. "I watched you earlier. You went over to Amy and you skated with her. You skated with her more than once. But when you went over to Sarah, she told you no and..." "Did you see the reason that Sarah told me no and how she handled it?" I asked. "Sarah told me no because she thinks I skate too fast for her. See how she's holding onto the railing as she goes around. She smiled at me and said no way Eric but I'll dance with you when we're done. It was friendly. When you tell guys no, it's not like that." "Eric, usually when I tell a guy no, it's because they want something other than being friendly. If I say no nicely, they try to persist and then things get out of hand. They don't take being rejected, nicely," she said. "It's probably because it hurts so much more coming from you," I said. "Why?" she asked. "Because you're so hot," I said. She tilted her head back and laughed as if I'd just said the funniest thing she'd ever heard. "Me?" she asked. "I'm hot?" and then she laughed again and wouldn't stop. "Eric, someday I have to show you some pictures," she said. "I went to an all-girls school. I'd be willing to bet that if I showed you my high school class picture you probably couldn't pick me out of the class. I look just like every other girl from my country. In fact, I'm not as pretty as some." Then it was my turn to start laughing. Amy skated over with Sarah. She looked pleased and handed me back my imaginary card. I whispered in her ear and asked her what size shoes Priya wore. She told me and I skated over to the rental window and got skates that would fit her. I put the skates down in front of her. "Oh no," she said. "How about a bet?" I said. "What are we wagering?" she asked. "Do you have any pictures in your wallet?" I asked. "Of course," she said. "Pick out three of them," I told her. "If I can pick you out in two out of three of them, you have to skate. If I can't pick you out. Then I'll take off my skates and sit with you." She thought about it for a moment. "And you have to dance with me tomorrow," she threw in. "I really want to do that." "Okay," I said. She searched though her wallet and found three pictures. She actually found more than three but she looked through them and pulled out the three should thought would give me the least chance of recognizing her. The first was the most difficult. It was a picture of three little girls who couldn't have been more than eleven or twelve. I stared at them and picked the girl on the right side. "Oooh," she shrieked. "How did you know?" She pulled out another picture this one had two little girls standing in front of a horse. "You're on the left this time," I said. "Shit," she hissed. I looked at the last picture. "You've already won," she said. "Are you trying to humiliate ME, now?" There were 16 girls in three rows. There were seven girls in the back row, five in the second row and four in the front row. I pointed at a girl on the right side of the second row. She put all of the pictures away and bent to put her skates on. She stood up and I grabbed her arm. She just stared at me as I grabbed it. From that first touch, something went through me. And I knew that futile or not, I was very glad that I hadn't settled for Amy. "You're not going to let me fall on my bum, are you?" she asked. "Your what?" I asked. "You call it an ass," she said. Her mouth curled into that little half smile that I've come to love. But that was the first time she'd done it with me very close to her. I melted and almost fell myself. "I'll protect your ass as if it was mine," I said. Immediately Amy flashed me an angry look. I guided Priya out onto the ice. "Okay ma'am," I said. "We're going to take it really easy. Just take baby steps. The first time around you're going to hold onto the railing with one arm and onto me with the other. It took us almost ten minutes to make it all the way around the rink, but she was smiling when we got back to her table. "Why are we stopping?" she asked. "Can we go again?" The second and third times around the rink she still took baby steps but she began letting go of the railing. By our fourth swing around the rink, she made it all the way around the rink just holding onto my arm. She was extremely gleeful and it was catching. Everyone seemed to be enjoying watching her become sure of herself. And her natural grace made watching her more fun than watching some of the women who'd been skating for years. But our luck couldn't hold out forever. And when it ran out, Priya showed me her intelligence. While we'd been skating around, I told her that falling was natural and it was bound to happen. I'd told her that a lot of people made the falls far worse than they had to be by flailing their arms and trying to stay upright. The best thing to do was to just bend your knees and try to make the fall softer. When she lost her balance, she did just that. I grabbed her and we fell together with her landing on top of me. "Oh, that didn't hurt at all," she laughed. "Tell that to poor Sarah," said Amy. She came skating over to us. "You had something softer than the ice to land on," she said. "I think Sarah almost broke her butt when she fell. She may never skate again." A few minutes later, we were back up and skating again. Almost too soon they announced that the song they were playing would be the last for the evening and that everyone who'd rented skates needed to turn them in. "Eric," said Priya. "Thank you very much. I had more fun than I've ever had." I smiled right back at her, knowing that my life was ruined. For the next few months, we were a non-couple. When I say non-couple I meant that we were friends without benefits. But everywhere our group went, the two of us were together. If we went to the movies, we sat together. If we went to dinner or dancing or anywhere else, the two of us were together. There were also times when the group didn't plan on going anywhere when Priya and I would quickly call several of our friends to go someplace just so we could do something together. Over the same time period, things began to change between us on a very subtle basis. We went to a slasher flick that was particularly gory and Priya actually grabbed my hand in the movie. After the scary part was over, she held may hand for the rest of the movie. After that, she always insisted that we go whenever something even mildly scary came out. One of the biggest changes was when we'd go dancing. I found that quite often, I ended up dancing every dance with Priya. When we first started, we only danced the faster dances where there was a lot of space between us. On one of those occasions a slower song came on and Priya and I left the floor. Just as we sat down, Amy pulled me back out onto the floor and told me she felt like dancing. During the song, I held Amy in my arms and she ground herself against me. She pressed her large breasts into my chest and pushed her crotch against mine. "Amy, are you trying to tell me something?" I asked. "That's for you to figure out," she said. When I got back to the table, Priya immediately snatched my hand and dragged me away from the table. Her eyes were blazing and the next thing I knew, we were in the parking lot. "What the hell were you doing?" she hissed. "What are you talking about?" I asked. "Eric, don't play stupid," she yelled. "What were you doing with Amy?" "Dancing," I said. "That was not dancing," she yelled. "That was two people FUCKING to music IN public." A couple of people came out of the bar and smiled when they saw us. "I didn't like it," she yelled. "I didn't like it at all. Don't you EVER do that again." "Why not?" asked Amy from behind us. "Priya, we're all just friends. Eric has gone above and beyond what I asked him to do. For the past few weeks or even longer, he's been beyond a good guy. Have you noticed that he used to dance with all of the single girls but now he only dances with you?" "Maybe Sarah and I want to dance with him sometime. It's much nicer than trying to dance with Claude who only wants to dance you into a corner and try to feel on your boobs. And Adam is worse. He'll only dance with you if he thinks he can fuck you. Besides, aren't you supposed to be betrothed or engaged?" she asked. "I am," said Priya loudly. "I've done nothing wrong or untoward." "So how would your intended feel about you spending most of your free time with one guy?" "He'd trust that we're friends and that nothing is going on," said Priya. But by that time I knew her. I knew her moods and I knew that she was lying. "He must be really understanding," said Amy. "Most of the guys I've gone out with would be jealous as hell." She grabbed a guy who was walking by and started asking him questions. "Hey, if you were going out with a girl and she was spending all of her time holding hands and dancing with another guy, what would you do?" The guy smiled at her, he was probably drunk. "If I answer your question what do I get?" he asked. "Just answer the question," said Amy. "Will you rub those against me if I do?" he asked, pointing at her boobs. Amy just rolled her eyes and asked another guy. "I'd kick her ass and his too," spat the second guy. A few of our friends came out of the bar. "What's going on?" asked Terri. "Terri, when was the last time you danced with Eric?" asked Amy. Terri's boyfriend Ben was huge. "It's not my fault," he said. "I can't dance. That whole rhythm thing is a stereotype," he said. "Ben, nobody is blaming you for anything," said Amy. "When was the last time you saw Terri dance with Eric?" "Oh that's easy," said Ben. "I've had to dance with her for about the last three weeks or so since Eric hooked up with Priya. I hate dancing. And if I twist my ankle and can't play I'll get kicked off the team." Amy just tilted her head and looked at Priya. "We haven't hooked up," said Priya. "We're just friends." "Exactly," I said. "I don't know," said Sarah. "You guys are way closer than you and I are, Eric. And I've known you a lot longer. Whenever we go anywhere as a group, the two of you are always together. I think a lot of people think the two of you are together." "Bullshit," I said. "Exactly," said Priya. "Here," said Sarah. "I'll prove it to you. She went into the bar and came out with one of the waitresses. She stood all four of the girls including Terri and herself together. "Which one of these girls is Ben's girlfriend?" she asked the waitress. "Who's Ben?" asked the waitress. Ben raised his hand. The waitress pointed to Terri. "Good," said Sarah. "Now which one of these girls is Eric's girlfriend?" The waitress immediately pointed at Priya. Priya walked away from the bar angrily. Over the next few days, things only got worse. We went out a few times as friends but Priya didn't show up. And usually when I got there and found out that she wasn't there, I left as well. I ran into Ben and he told me that Terri had ended breaking up an argument between Amy and Priya that had turned into a fistfight and the two of them were each looking to find a new roommate. He told me that I should expect a call because they'd been arguing over me and Amy was really upset. For All We Know But it wasn't Amy who called me that evening. It was Priya. "Eric, can you do me a favor?" she asked. "Of course," I said. "Would you please tell that stupid woman that the two of us are only friends and that your only interest in me is as a friend just like it is with her and with Terri and Sarah too?" she said. There was nothing but silence. You could hear crickets chirping over the phone lines. "Eric, all you have to do is call her and tell her. You speak to her on the phone all of the time," she whined. "It's not that," I said. "Well, what is it?" she asked. "Priya, I'm sorry but I'm not going to lie," I said. "I'm not asking you to lie, Eric," she said. "I just want you to...Eric are you saying that you want something other than just friendship from me?" Again there was nothing but silence on the phone line. "I'm sorry to have bothered you," she said. "And I'm sorry if I led you to believe something that could never happen." After that, my life was like one of those movies that involve biblical plagues. I went to class, I went to work but it just seemed like the sun refused to shine. I don't think I smiled once over the next week and spring was just around the corner. My friends called, but I got off of the phone as quickly as possible. I didn't go out. I just went to work and to school and came home to study. I did occasionally go out for a drive in the Mustang. For some reason that always seemed to cheer me up at least for a while. But nothing else made even a dent in my depression. Finally, the social trinity plus 2 showed up at my apartment. Amy, Sarah and Terri, showed up and brought Ben and Carla Stevens along with them. "Hi Eric," said Amy sweetly. "We just stopped by to check on you. No one has seen you in weeks." "I'm fine," I said. I think they could all tell I was lying. "Eric, Carla is going through the same thing you are," said Terri. Amy looked at her evilly. "She just broke up with someone. But instead of staying locked up in her room in some kind of stupid depression, she's going out and trying to meet people." "Eric, we're young. We have a lot of life to go through," said Sarah. "We're going to have our ups and downs. But we have to keep going." "Sarah, I didn't know you did commercials," I said. "Is this one for an energy drink or a beer?" Sarah smiled. "Seriously though, Eric..." she said. "You and Priya can't stay locked up in your rooms forever..." Amy elbowed her in the side, hard. At the mention of Priya, my head snapped towards Sarah so quickly I thought my neck would snap. "Why isn't Priya going out?" I asked. "She doesn't room with Amy and Terri anymore," said Sarah. "She's in a room with Carla and me and she may as well not be there. She goes to school, comes home to study and goes to bed. I haven't seen her as much as smile since..." Amy slapped herself on the forehead. "Great move, Brainiac," she yelled. "We were supposed to be cheering him up, not bringing back the reason for his depression." "Well shit, Amy," said Sarah. "We're supposed to be his friends. This is a fucked up situation. So what harm does it do to tell him what he wants to know?" "Well, hey, those things just snap right off," I said. They all looked at me as if they had missed something. "I meant to say, thanks for coming over. Maybe we'll all get together and do something this weekend," I said. "If not, I'll be stopping by anyway," said Amy. I picked up my phone and called her. "Hello," she said answering the phone. The voice I had come to love had lost all of its fire and enthusiasm. "I'm sorry I lied to you," I said. "None of this was your fault." "What are you talking about Eric?" she asked. In just those few words her voice had changed. She sounded even sadder but amidst the sadness there was strength. The overall tone of her voice was no longer filled with an absence of life. There was definitely life there but it was tinged with regret. "Priya, I was never truthful with you," I said. "I was crazy about you from the beginning. I used to sit there and watch you when the school year first started. I spent more time watching you, when we were on the beach, than I did swimming or playing in the water. I used to think that you were an alien..." "I am an alien silly man," she smirked. A bit of the sarcasm that I loved so much crept back into her tone. "But I'm a resident alien on an educational visa so..." "I meant an alien from a different planet," I said. "Why," she asked. "Is it my fat ass or just my accent?" I started laughing. "Your ass is perfect," I said. "And that's part of the problem. I sat there and wondered how anything that beautiful could be on Earth, surrounded by the rest of us." "So this whole time, the only thing you wanted was my ass?" she smirked. "Priya, stop joking," I said. "I'm talking about all of you. You're the most beautiful, most perfect woman I've ever met. I was happy just being around you. The time we spent together was the best five or six weeks of my life." "But Eric, you had to know that it could never have gone anywhere," she said with a whining tone creeping into her voice. "What I gave you then wasn't fair to you. Amy was right. Things with us could never have moved forward. You deserve to spend your time with someone who could give you the kind of relationship you deserve." "But Priya, shouldn't I be the one who decides that?" I asked. "Maybe I care so much for you that I'm willing and happy to take whatever you can give me. Maybe I'd rather have a limited relationship with you than anything with anyone else." "Eric, why do you have to make this so hard?" she hissed. "There are plenty of women on campus. A lot of the women we know would love to be with you. Do I need to name names?" "You'd be wasting your time unless you're going to name yours first," I said. "Eric..." she said almost in tears. And then the phone dropped on the floor. I heard a door open and the sound of sobs. I heard footsteps getting closer to the phone. "Who the fuck is this?" screamed a feminine voice that I vaguely recognized. "It's me, Sarah," I said. "Eric?" she asked. "What did you say to her? Why did you make her cry? I must have this all wrong. I thought you liked her." "I do, Sarah," I said. "She and I just need to talk before things get even more messed up." "Eric, get in your little car and be at the student center in fifteen minutes," hissed Sarah. "For what?" I asked. "Just fucking be there," she yelled and slammed the phone down. Ten minutes later I was in the lobby of the student center. Sarah, Carla, Terri and Priya came in together. Priya looked like Hell. She looked like she'd been crying non-stop. We moved into a private study room. Sarah came over to me and she was clearly pissed. "Eric, you're supposed to be a really nice guy. I want you to leave her alone," she said. "But I..." I began. "It's not him," said Priya. "He didn't do anything wrong." "Amy was right, Sarah," she said. "I saw the two of them dancing. And to me they were dancing too close together. It was a slow song and I didn't like it one bit. I got angry and I pulled him outside of the bar and I started screaming at him. And I told him not to do it again just as Amy walked out. I think that Amy realized something that at the time I didn't recognize myself. At least when the time came, Eric was honest enough to admit it." "Admit what?" asked Sarah. "Amy said that Eric needs to be with someone so he can get laid. Is he putting pressure on you for sex? Is that what this is all about?" Carla and Terri were shaking their heads. "Uhm you guys talk this out," said Terri. "We'll explain it to her or try to." Carla and Terri pulled a fuming Sarah out of the room. "Eric..." she began. "Can we turn off the lights?" I asked. "Why?" she asked. "Because, I don't think I can look at you and try to argue with you," I said. "Oh, so I've gone from being otherworldly beautiful, to being so hideous you can't stand to look at me in less than an hour," she said. "You know it's not that," I said. "But if I'm looking at you, I won't be able to say no to you and I really have to fight for us." "Eric, there is no us," she said. "I belong to another man." I hit the light switch. "Tell me goodbye, Priya," I said. "Just tell me that you don't want to spend any time with me anymore. Tell me you hate me and you wish you'd never met me. I'll make it easy on you. I'll transfer to another school. I'll finish the last six weeks of this semester and in September I'll go to another school. Just tell me." We sat there in the darkness of the room for a while and the seconds and then minutes ticked by. "Priya, I love you, but we don't have all night," I said. Her sharp intake of air just made things worse. "Tell you what," I said. "Maybe everything I told you was too hard to remember. So let's distill it all down to one word. Just tell me to go and I'll leave and never bother you again. All you have to say is one word. Just say, "Go." Again there was nothing but silence in the room. "Maybe you're one of those passive aggressive types. You know, that whole Catholic thing. You don't want to admit that you're doing something against what the pope commands. So I'll do it for you. You want me to leave but you don't want to tell me to do it. Maybe you just don't want to hurt my feelings. I'm just making this too hard for you. So I'm just going to leave. Like you said there's nothing to work out. I'm just going to go and it won't be your fault. You didn't tell me to leave. So twenty years from now, you can tell yourself that you didn't make me leave." I got up loudly and stepped towards the door. Even in the darkness, her hand shot out in pure desperation. I could hear the fear in her voice as she grabbed my hand and screamed, "No Eric. Please don't go!" I sat back down, this time right next to her. I could feel her hand trembling as it held onto mine. "So Priya, what are we going to do?" I asked. "Did you really mean what you said?" she asked. "No," I said. "I didn't really want to leave. But I would have to make it easier for you." "Not that part idiot," she smirked. "The part about how you love me?" "Yep," I said. "Sorry." "Eric, you LOVE me?" she asked. "Yes Priya," I said. "It's definite and confirmed. I have for a long time." "So what are we going to do?" she asked. She started crying all over again. I leaned closer to her and just held her. "Well..."I said. "We're both intelligent people. And we've realized that we have a problem. So we should relate the problem to something that we know about and handle it that way." "Can you turn the lights on?" she asked. "Why, Hon," I asked. "So I can stare at you like you're crazy," she said. "It's not as effective when you can't see me doing it." "This is simple," I said. "It's like we have an addiction. If we try to quit cold turkey, it's hard and painful. It leaves us with nothing to think about except what we're losing." "That makes some sense," she said. "So what do we do?" "We have to kind of ease out of it," I said. "And then we find a distraction." "It's going to have to be a really big distraction, Eric," she said. "And you don't get to call me Hon yet. You have to start with Sweetheart and then Honey and if you're really good we might eventually get to Hon." "Okay Sweetheart," I said. "So what's this distraction?" she asked. "In six weeks you'll go back to Pacmanistan for the summer and I'll go home to Michigan and my family. We'll have plenty of time over the summer to think about other things and we'll have three months away from each other so this can burn out." "And you think that three months will be enough to burn you out of my heart?" she asked. "Nah," I said. "That'll only take a couple of weeks." I heard her laughing in the darkness. Then the door opened. Sarah and Terri stepped through it. "Uhm Guys, they're closing the building," said Terri. "uhm why are the lights out?" "Because I'm so beautiful that he can't look at me," smirked Priya. "He was probably staring at your boobs when he said that," said Carla. Over the next six weeks, things got progressively worse. It got to the point where Priya was constantly in my thoughts. We kept all of the rules. We didn't have sex. We didn't even kiss, but we wanted to. I know I did and sometimes when I looked in her eyes; especially when couples around us were kissing each other so casually, I was sure that she wanted to as well. I did everything I could to ease our tension. It got to the point where the things she could say to me with a handshake or a look were better than sex. There was never a doubt in my mind, even when compared to friends with active sex lives, that I was the luckiest man on earth. Nothing is perfect and there were some things that suffered or became strained. My friendship with Amy was one of those. There were also things that were utterly destroyed. Priya's friendship with Amy fell into that pile. Of all the people we hung out with, only Amy truly knew what was going on with us. She pitied me and hated Priya. Every time I spoke to her, she told me that I was making a huge mistake and that things would end tragically for me. She also told me that Priya was an absolute bitch who was using me. She told me that I was a fool for allowing myself to be locked in a relationship where I didn't even get sex as a benefit. Time moved more quickly than I could ever have believed. It sometimes seemed that we'd go out with the group and as soon as we sat down at a table and looked into each other's eyes or had a dance or two, the evening was over. It also got to the point where our well-meaning friends began to get on our nerves. Priya was not nearly as tactful as I was. There were times when she was simply rude. Someone would come over to the table and sit down, only to have Priya tell them to find another table. She also refused to let me dance with other women. If they came over to the table and smiled, before they could even ask she just said, "No." Most of our friends understood or tried to. A lot of the guys who'd tried to talk to Priya and been burned by her made all kinds of jokes. One drunken guy stumbled over to us and slurred, "I can't wait to see how big those jugs get when you knock her up." Without losing a beat Priya looked him in the eye and spat, "When he knocks me up they'll be huge and you still won't get to see them." Everyone in the room laughed except for Amy, who stormed out, slamming the door behind her. The saddest day of the year for me was the day that I had to go home. Priya would still be there for a couple of days before leaving for her homeland. I had packed the night before and was leaving first thing in the morning. The night had been awful. Priya saying goodbye had hurt me more than I ever thought possible. We'd both known it was coming but we couldn't seem to let go of each other. Finally, the girls dragged Priya back to her dorm. I don't think any of them realized that it was supposed to be the last time the two of us would ever be together. In a way, I was glad they'd done it because I don't think I could have let her go otherwise. Just before I left that morning, there was a very light knocking at my door. I had no idea who it was. I opened the door and there she was. Before I could say anything, she went up on her toes and gave me the gentlest, softest kiss I'd ever felt. I was shocked. It was the most magical moment of my life. "I probably should have told you this before," she said. "But I love you too." And then she was gone. Over the summer, I didn't know what was going on. I hung out with my friends from home. I visited and was visited by a few of my college friends, including Amy, who my parents loved. Talking to Amy brought all of my problems back. "You do know that she's going to be like a princess in her country," she said. "She has a purpose in life. She wants to modernize the country and make things better for women there. She's going to marry a fucking prince. There's no way she's going to fuck all of that up for you. You're going to be a sixty grand a year chemical engineer. You're a great guy and you deserve a great girl but you're not a God damned prince, Dufus." "Wow," I said. "It's good to have friends." "Why the hell do you think I'm here," she said. "I am your friend. I don't want to see you hurt." "Well that's over now," I said. "We have the whole summer for her to get over me and go back to being a princess. By the time we go back to school, she won't even remember me. She'll be back to being a princess and I'll be back to being a frog." "You'll be better off without her," she said sadly. "Maybe this year you'll have a normal relationship." * * * * * * "I like the sound of falling rain. But can we live this way forever?" "And though this night may never end something in your eyes has sold me." The lyrics were getting worse. This time they didn't even fucking rhyme. My entire life was going to hell. Some fucking prince. His God damned cousin went nucking futs and tried to kidnap our President's daughter. Maybe I'd get lucky and the same thing would happen to him. He was also too fucking old for Priya. The guy was at least thirty five. He had her by about twelve years. And the worst part of it all was that I'd met the guy and he was a decent guy. I wish to God that he could be a monster but he wasn't. Shit, I couldn't even hate him. The kicker was always the fact that I am the fucking cheater. And I know down deep in my soul that I'm wrong as hell but I can't help it. Priya is like air to me. I'm not sure I can live without her anymore. So I sit here crying in my beer and writing the worst fucking song ever. I'm sitting here thinking that life will go on; or that we'll get back together again at the end of summer like we have for the past two. But we won't. This is the end. And this time I'll never see her again. Maybe Amy was right all along. But in my heart, I know that if I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't change a God damned thing. For once, I'm glad that none of my friends and none of the guys in my band are around today. Because as I look out through the window to watch the rain falling, somehow, some of those rain drops seem to have come through the glass and landed just below my eyes. They trickle slowly down my cheeks and end up trailing down near the lump in my throat. * * * * * * Priya had never told me whether or not I should transfer to another school. Before we left at the end of May, we were both too stressed out to even think about details. It had been three months since we'd told each other good bye and she'd kissed me. I could still feel the imprint of her lips on mine. If I closed my eyes I could still feel her. But I was sure that she'd spent enough time over the summer with her family and with her prince that she probably wouldn't even remember my name. I decided to just keep a low profile until I found out whether or not she was coming back. There was always the chance that she'd decided not to return. And even if we had, the campus was big enough for both of us. For the first few days that I was back and organizing things, I barely left my apartment. I was fortunate. The owner of the building I rented the apartment in was an old friend of my dad's. Not only did he give me a very reasonable rate, he saved an apartment for me each year. I wasn't guaranteed the same one and this year though, I had a better one. It was on the top floor and had both a small balcony and roof access. He'd also had the elevator repaired over the summer so it was quick, quiet, and clean. Once I got my class schedule, I pretty much stayed home. My first class didn't start for a week so there was no need for me to be there. For All We Know Amy called me. She'd come in a week early as well. I met her for coffee. "Hey Eric," she said, looking me over. "You look like shit." "I'm so glad I have friends," I said sarcastically. "You're not over her, are you?" she asked pointedly. I shook my head. "Amy, you never understood this," I said. "It was never about ME getting over her. That was never going to happen. It was about making it easier for HER to get over ME. So we just stayed together until the school year ended. I figured that once she got back to her home country, with all of the traditions and her family and her handsome rich prince, she'd forget all about me. And that she'd realize that for her what we had was a minor fling. Shit, we never had sex. We actually only kissed once." "You fucking kissed her?" said Amy in shock. "You kissed a woman that clearly belongs to another man. Eric, she may as well be married. In some countries, LIKE HERS, she could be tortured or beaten for that. Don't you..." "Amy, SHE kissed ME," I said quietly. "Anyway it's water under the bridge. I haven't heard from her for the whole summer. Not a call or a note or an E-mail or a text. It's done. I have to move on." "Great, we're having a get together on the beach this Saturday," she said. "And Terri wants to go dancing Sunday, as sort of a "blowing off steam before we start our classes," thing. You have to dance with her when you're not dancing with me. She broke up with Ben over the summer and she's just getting over it." "Terri and Ben broke up," I asked in shock. "How the hell did that happen?" "It's the stupidest thing you've ever heard of," she said. "One of the guys that Ben knew in his home town is gay. He set up a fake facebook page that was supposedly from some hot chick that lived in another state. He even used pictures of some Victoria's secret model. Anyway, he convinced Ben that this hot chick was in love with him. Ben fell for her and dumped Terri." "Wait," I said laughing. "Ben dumped Terri for a woman who didn't actually exist?" "Yep, but that's only half of the story," she said. "Ben won't be back here for school this year. He's going to miss a year." "Why?" I asked. "When Ben found out what was going on, he went ape-shit. Ben is a nice guy but he's nowhere near gay and you know how macho all of those football types are. He had a perfect relationship with Terri, that he threw away for what turned out to be a guy. He tracked the guy down and beat the cowboy shit out of him. He put the guy in the hospital with several broken bones. They say the guy may have to walk with a cane for the rest of his life. Ben is also suing him for several different charges that while not criminal, did really impact his life and career." "The judge totally understood Ben's mental state, but Ben had committed an assault that did great bodily harm. He gave Ben the most lenient sentence he could. But he's still going to be in jail for a year. And even if he's a model prisoner, he won't get out for seven months. By that time, the football season will be over and there will only be a few weeks left of the school year." "Terri realized that Ben was fooled and she feels sorry for him. But in her eyes, it doesn't change the fact that he dumped her for another woman; even though the other woman didn't exist. She says that any man she's with, has to love her to the exclusion of all other women whether their hotter than her or not. She said she wants someone who felt about her the way you felt about...you know who." "Amy, it's okay to say her name," I said. "And Ben was just a fool. Terri is beautiful and caring and smart and any guy would be lucky to get her." "Please don't tell me that you're going after Terri next," she asked. "Of course not," I said. "Good," she said. "I was beginning to think that you just aren't into white women." "Amy, you're probably my best friend, but I don't think I'm ready to be with anyone, regardless of color. I just don't ever want to feel like this again. So, there won't be any dating for me, this year. I don't think I'll ever date again. So please, don't start trying to fix me up with someone." She leaned over and kissed me gently on my forehead. After Amy left, I sat around my new apartment playing my guitar. I wasn't playing very loudly but I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door and a guy stood there. "Were you just playing the guitar?" he asked. "Yeah sorry," I said. "I'll turn it down." "I have a better idea," he said. "Why not get your stuff and come with me?" Two days later, I was in a band. We mostly played rock stuff. We bridged the gap between harder rock and some lighter Def Leppard type songs. We also had a few original tunes that I thought sucked, but being the new guy, I didn't want to make waves. It turned out the guys in the band just played together during the school year, and this year, one of their guitar players hadn't returned. So I spent a couple of days learning their repertoire. Amy called me Friday afternoon to ask if I wanted to do anything and remind me about the beach party. She wanted to invite herself to come to my first gig with the band, but I told her that I wanted to have a few shows to get used to it before I was willing to embarrass myself in front of my friends. She kept acting like there was something she wanted to tell me, but never did. Saturday, I showed up at the beach and greeted a lot of my friends. I saw Sarah and tried to hug her but she backed off right away. "Wow, I thought we were better friends than that," I said. "We're okay," she smiled "But uhm..." "Hi Eric," said Terri who'd just come over. "Hey gorgeous," I said. "I'm sorry to hear about you and Ben. He's a good guy. He's stupid but a good guy." She smiled at me and I remembered just how pretty Terri is. I reached out to hug her and she too backed away from me. "Is it my breath?" I asked. They both shook their heads. Terri pointed to the table where the girls had put all of the food. Standing next to the table was Priya. There were a couple of guys trying to talk to her as usual. "So did you get over her?" asked Terri. "That doesn't matter?" I said. "Obviously, she got over me, which is all that's important." The two of them looked at each other and shook their heads. Terri got the most evil smile I'd ever seen from her. "Watch this," she said. "Hey Pree," she yelled. Priya looked towards us, and when our eyes met she got up so quickly, that she knocked the guy who was leaning over her while trying to talk to her, down. She took off towards us and churned through the sand until she got to us. Terri and Sarah moved back just a bit more. As Priya got to us and started screaming at the top of her lungs. "Where the hell have you been? Do you...I went...and you...Oh...come on," she said. She grabbed my arm and dragged me further down the beach. She kept pulling my hand as if she was desperate. "Priya, is there something you need to tell me?" I asked. I didn't understand what was going on. "Look, I didn't know if you were going to transfer or I was supposed to. The school is big enough for both of us. I wasn't trying to mess you up with that guy back there. No one told me that you were going to be here. I almost didn't come, but Amy told me about it so..." When we got far enough away from our friends, she pulled me behind one of the buildings where they store equipment for the life guards. The next thing I knew she'd just launched herself at me. She threw her entire body into my arms. She wrapped her arms and legs against me and forced her lips against mine. If the kiss from the beginning of the summer had been powerful, this one was overwhelming. I ended up on my back in the sand with her on top of me kissing me like there was no tomorrow. And this time it was no gentle kiss. This time her lips opened and her tongue forced its way into my mouth. When I tried to back off, she just grabbed the back of my head and pressed even further against me. She just kept kissing me over and over. I don't think she stopped until we heard the voices. "No, we shouldn't," said a voice that sounded like Terri. "Come on, it's not like they're actually doing anything," said Amy. "You never know," said Sarah. Then the three of them stepped around the corner. "See they're fully dressed," smirked Amy. "Uhm, we just wanted to make sure you guys were alright," said Terri. "Now you see why no one wanted to hug you," said Sarah. "She's been crying over you since she got back to school and couldn't find you. There was no way I wanted to get caught between the two of you when she saw you. Uh...we'll see you two later." "It didn't work," said Priya. "What didn't work?" I asked. "Your very logical plan for me to get over you," she said. "You were right. I spent the summer with friends and family. I did a lot of things, but I thought about you every day." "What about the prince?" I asked. "I saw him a couple of times during the summer," she said. "What about him?" "But didn't the two of you do all kinds of romantic things and..." I began. "Why?" she asked. "We're already betrothed. And I'll be his first wife. As such, I'll have a very important position. I'll be able to make things much better for women in my country. But he'll probably have several wives. Why would we need romance, everything is already arranged. A lot of things happened to me over the summer and I figured out the fatal flaw in your plan." "My plan had no flaws," I said. She looked at me with that crooked smile. "Okay Wile E. Coyote-Super genius," she said. "Then why didn't I get over you? And from looking at you, you're not over me either are you?" "Of course I am," I said. She squinted at me. "You liar," she said. "Anyway, I have an offer for you to consider." "What are you offering?" I asked. "Your miserable little plan failed because we were not some typical college fling that was fueled by sex and beer. Eric, you are the first man I have ever loved and that is a powerful thing. At the same time, you love me so much it scares me. You've put me on this pedestal that is so high that I can barely even see the ground from up here. I propose that what we really need is more time to get over each other. We need to spend even more time together than we did last time, so we can see that we each have flaws. And then we can get over each other," she said squeezing my arm. "I'll do it," I said eagerly. "There are problems," she said. "I don't care," I said. "I'd do anything or put up with anything to be with you." "Eric listen," she said. "All we'll have is two years. If you remember last year after we got together, those last six weeks seemed like six hours to me. And this time it's going to hurt badly. Because if we hurt that badly after only six weeks together. How are we going to feel after being together for two years?" "I'd go through hell for an hour with you," I said. "I'll just have to enjoy those two years and make enough memories to last me for the rest of my life." "Eric, there's something else," she said. "The prince will visit me once or twice a year, here. During his visits, you might meet him, or you might choose not to. But you cannot give him, or any of his retinue, cause to believe that we are anything more than friends. That means you can't act jealous or hang around me or anything like that." "I can handle that," I said. She looked at me and shook her head. "It would probably be better if you're not there. Every time you look at me, your face lights up." "No it doesn't," I insisted. We walked back to our friends and sat down. "Amy," said Priya. "I know we're not the friends we once were, but how does Eric look right now?" "The boy is glowing like a light bulb," said Amy. "Pree, we're still friends. I just don't want to see either of you hurt. I want to see you have a chance to affect things in your country for the women there. You have a chance to improve things on a global scale. I want to see you do that. And I don't want to see Eric hurt either. But the two of you clearly light each other's fuses." "Did you hear that," said Priya. "You're lit up." Sarah came over to the table then and smiles at me. "God damn Eric," she said. "Smile much?" Things were completely different that year. From the start, Priya and I were simply never separated. We even had some of the same classes. We also didn't hide. If we were around our friends they all knew what was going on, so there was no need to. It felt so good to be able to openly kiss the woman I loved. Priya also started visiting me at my apartment. And we went on dates without the others, just as often as we included them. It took a few months before I found out an even bigger change in our relationship. It came on sweetest day. I gave Priya a beautiful gold necklace in the shape of a heart. It came with three gold chains. Her favorite was a 15" chain that she wore around her neck. There was also an even sexier chain that fit around her tiny waist and a 6" chain that turned the necklace into a bracelet. She understood the necklace and the bracelet. The waist chain is so, when you go home, you can always keep my heart close to you. You can wear it under your clothes where no one will ever see it and always have it close to hand. And very close to you so you'll always know that I love you, even when we're not together anymore. "Eric, don't be silly," she said. "You have to realize that I'm marrying the prince because it will be good for my country. It's like my duty. You and I will always be together in our hearts. You're the only man I've ever loved and you always will be. It's time for you to understand that." "Priya I do understand it," I said. "Not as much as you're going to," she said. "Let's go to your apartment." "But Pree that would be kind of rude wouldn't it?" I asked. She just smiled at me. "Let's go to your apartment," she said again. When we got there, we immediately hit the couch and started kissing each other. In moments our kisses got hotter, so I backed off. She grabbed me by my head and pulled me back to her. She moved herself into a position where she was on top of me. As much as I was enjoying it, I realized that I was getting to the point where I might not have the control to stop. Priya straddled me and took off her shirt. I could tell that what we were doing was having the same effect on her. Those large perfect breasts were heaving and through the silky material of her blouse even with a bra under it I could see that her nipples were showing through the blouse. "Eric, don't you like kissing me?" she asked. Her voice was thick with lust and the look on her face was sexier than anything I had ever seen. She didn't give me a chance to answer, she just dropped back to what we were doing and this time I could feel her nipples against my chest. My brain was telling me we had to stop this, but my body told me to continue. Priya was squirming around on me and I was on fire. I actually felt her fingers brush my dick and it sent sparks through me. Priya had no idea what she was doing to me. I pushed her away and she hissed at me. "Stop it, Eric," she hissed and forced her tongue back into my mouth. She opened her blouse and I felt the silky skin of her back and sides. I began to gently stroke her skin and she moaned. Alarm bells went off in my head as I realized that she was at least as worked up as I was. I saw blue balls in my future. As I continued to stroke her back I was in heaven. "It's in the front," she said. "Huh?" I asked stupidly. "If you're trying to open my bra, the catch is in the front," she gushed. She straightened up for a second and then flipped the bra onto the floor. It was as if I'd been struck by lightning. I'd known and seen hints that Priya had incredible breasts, but seeing them for the first time was like a Catholic's first papal visit. You suddenly know why you pray and you understand so much more about what you believe in. When she saw my reaction, she smiled. "Eric, you CAN touch them, you know," she said. "I really want you to touch them." She opened my shirt and then started tugging my pants down. She also took off her skirt. She walked across the room which gave me a chance to cool down. My brain started to function again even as she walked back to me with a blanket. "Pree, we should stop," I said. "Eric, do you really want to stop?" she asked me. "Hell no," I said. "But I love you and..." "Even more reason for us not to stop," she smiled. "I love you too." Before I knew it, we were under that blanket and the only thing separating us was my boxers and her tiny thong panties. We were already sweating, but nothing that couldn't be undone had been done. I'd gone from kissing her, to nibbling her neck and she yowled like a cat when I sucked on her ear lobes. I squeezed and kneaded those perfect wobbly globes of flesh that had been forbidden to me for so long. I bit and sucked at her nipples and she pressed my head against them while moaning so loudly I was sure my neighbors would hear her. "Oh Eric, never stop doing that. It feels better than anything, ever," she gushed. Her legs were jerking and her belly was fluttering. "Eric..." she gushed just as the phone rang. Her eyes narrowed immediately. She reached out and grabbed the phone. "What?" she hissed. "Yep," she said, rolling her eyes. "We left. And yep we're okay. Eric wanted to show me something new about his car. I know you were worried Sarah and I love you for it, but I'm fine. Yes, I should have called or said something...Sarah, I'm probably going to be late getting home...Probably very late." As she hung up the phone, she looked back at me and then pulled the covers closer around us. "Eric, you don't love me," she said slowly. I looked at her in shock and she laughed. "Okay, you probably do," she laughed. "But you really need to learn how to keep a woman healthy." "I feed you," I said. "I even brush your hair after you swim." "Well, do you want me to get sick or catch a cold?" she asked. I looked at her crazily. We were so warm from each other's body heat that I didn't understand what she was talking about. I went back to sucking on her nipples and she gasped again. "Eriiiiiic," she gushed. "Don't you think I need to get out of these wet clothes? Before I catch my death of cold?" "Pree, you're only wearing panties," I said. "And they're really wet," she whined. "Feel them." She placed my hand between her exquisitely sculptured legs. I could feel the heat and the dampness. Then she pulled her panties off. She also started tugging at my boxers. Once we were naked together, she wrapped a leg around my waist and pulled me against her. "Doesn't this feel good?" she asked. "Better than anything ever has," I said. "Not quite, Honey," she moaned. She started rubbing her pussy against my dick and it was already hard but it turned into a solid carbide drill. It was so hard, I thought it might break off. From the way she was rubbing against it, her vaginal lips had split and she was coating my shaft with her inner wetness. "Pryia we're taking this too far," I said. "That's where I want to go," she said. "I want us to go too far." She kept up her rubbing and then she pushed. She stopped and winced a little bit when the head of my dick was just inside of her opening. "Ohh!" she said. "Stop Eric, just hold it right there for a second." "Priya, what are you doing?" I said, louder than I should have. "I should have sent you a memo," she said. "But I thought that I was the only virgin between us. I just figured that with you being twenty four, you'd done this before. Eric you can push a little bit more, very slowly." It felt like every millimeter that I moved tore or at least opened up new ground in Priya's vagina. She held herself very tightly against me. My mind was a whirl with all kinds of conflicting emotions. Finally my dick was fully inside of her and she started kissing me very gently again. After a while, her kisses became more insistent and I could feel her hips wiggling as she got used to the feeling of me being inside of her. For All We Know I started to gently and very slowly stroke in and out of her. She caught on almost immediately and started to mirror my movements. Our bodies were joined at both ends. Our tongues worked feverishly, while our reciprocating genitals danced below them. At the bottom of each gentle stroke, the base of my dick pressed against her clit. After a while our movements became more feverish and she wrapped her legs around my waist, trying to push me to go faster. Her heels prodded the backs of my legs and my hips as she bucked her hips against me. "Eric, this is way better than my vibrator," she gushed. "This is better than anything. I feel...I feel like I'm a balloon and I'm going to...Ohhh!...Ohhh! Eric....It's so hot...I'm going to burst open....Ahhh!...Oooh." I continued to stroke her even after her climax and then pulled out and shot my sperm on her stomach. "Why'd you do that?" she asked, looking at me like I was crazy. I looked back at her just as crazily. "Priya, do you realize what we just did?" I asked. "We are in sooo much trouble!" "Why?" she asked. "Remember, you're not mine. You're engaged to marry a prince. What about all of that shit about you being a virgin on your wedding night?" I said. "We're in trouble." "Never ever say anything that God damned stupid again," she said sitting up and rubbing her stomach. She rubbed the sperm into her skin and then tentatively licked her fingers. Watching her do it was so arousing that I almost came again. She settled back onto the sofa and wrapped her arms around me again. "We need to talk, Hon," she said. "Oh so, now we're past the sweetheart and the Honey stage?" I asked. She just laughed. "Eric, things are different now," she said. "Some things happened over the summer that I need to tell you about. But some of them are still the same. First off, never, ever say that stupid shit about me not being yours. I always have been yours and I always will be. I love YOU Eric. I'm going to marry Gustav but I love you. Gustav will have possession of my body, but my heart and my soul will always be yours." "Second; I fell from a horse during the summer. I was examined by the palace doctors. Gustav told his father that no examination was necessary but his father, who isn't a part of the royal family, insisted." "Gustav's father married a cousin of the royal family. So Gustav, by blood, is in line for the throne but his father isn't and never can be. Anyway, the palace doctor examined me and found that there was a tear in my hymen. She also determined that before the tear it had been intact and that I was a virgin. So on my wedding night, I'll pretend to be afraid and that I don't know what is happening. I'll cry a little bit and pretend that I'm sore for a few days afterwards." "Following that, I'll complain and lie there like a rock every time that Gustav tries to have sex with me. I'll make it so awful that he'll give up after a while. Then he'll simply add more wives or perhaps a mistress or two." I was shocked. "So why did you take your thing out and shoot your stuff on my tummy?" she asked. "We'd already gone too far," I said. "I didn't want the risk of you getting pregnant." "Eric, I wanted to feel it," she said. "I'm on the pill. I know that we can't get pregnant but it would be so nice to pretend that we could." "Pree why..." I began. "Because as much as I love you, it isn't up to us," she said. "If it were, I'd run off with you right fucking now. We'd finish school in a different place where they could never find us. But there are things that I have to do to make things better for women in my country. But, it's also because if I just ran off, it would be a terrible scandal, and my family would suffer. Eric, trust me. If the prince ever gets tired of my loud mouth or my constant demands for change and exiles me or throws me out of the country, I'll find you and if you're not already married to Amy or someone, we'll be together." I nodded my head. "Priya, I'll never marry anyone else," I said. "Don't be silly Eric," she said. "Life has to go on. Love has to go on. Love will survive, somehow, some way. I love you. So, more than anything else, I need for you to be happy for both of us. And if you do meet someone, don't hesitate. Plunge in with both feet and name one of your daughters after me. That would let me know that you remembered me. And love that little girl the way you love me." "But for now Eric, All we've got is just a couple of years to call our own. That's all we have, for all we know." She winked at me and pulled my arms around her. "I wish I wasn't so sore down there so we could do it again," she whispered. "Two years seems like a long time but it's going to go by in a heartbeat and I don't want to waste a second of it." I was thinking about what she'd said and the risks she was willing to take for me. I felt like crying because no one that I knew, loved me that much, or ever had. I leaned over and kissed her and noticed that she'd fallen asleep. So I just lay there, holding the naked body of the person I loved most in life. I knew then that she would always think that I'd lied to her, but there was simply no way that any other woman on the planet could follow her. Very early the next morning, she woke up and found me staring at her. "Did I drool?" she asked. "Do I snore very loudly?" "Yep," I said. "But you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I love waking up with you in my arms." "I think you like waking up with that thing lodged next to my ass and my tits in your hands," she smirked. "That too," I smiled. "Pree, we have to be in class in just over an hour and one of us has no fresh clothes." "So the other one of us should get his ass in the shower, while I dress," she said. "Then he can drive me home and go and get me breakfast while I shower and change." That was exactly what we did. I did get enough coffee and donuts for her roommates as well. Sarah and Terri looked at me as if they were examining me for any signs of change. "Is this going to be a habit?" asked Terri. "She looks really happy," said Sarah. "As long as she stays happy, I'm fine with it. He's happy too." "I was talking about the breakfast," said Terri. "If he's going to bring us breakfast every time they have a...pajama party, he needs to find a different place to buy breakfast. We need bacon or ham or some kind of meat. All of these sugary carbs and we'll all be fat. We need some protein with breakfast and..." "His protein is all mine," laughed Priya. "Get your own." Things only continued to escalate until, Priya staying in my apartment, became the norm. The first year, the prince visited twice. Both visits were hard for me. Since she couldn't have the prince stay in her dorm because it was an all-female building, she stayed in his hotel with him and his retinue during the visits. I went crazy each time. I was angry and sullen from the time she left me to be with him until she came back to me. And each time it was worse. All of her closest friends had met the prince and pronounced him to be a really nice man for a rich handsome prince. I couldn't do it. I literally hated the bastard and I just wasn't sure if I could keep it together around him. Part of it was that I loved Priya so much that I was insanely jealous. I imagined that all along she'd never loved me and that she and the prince got together and fucked like bunnies and just laughed at me. I imagined them doing things that Priya and I never even thought of doing. I imagined them having three-ways with circus clowns, and Priya giving him blow jobs while hanging by her heels from a trapeze suspended over a pit of dog shit. My mind went crazy. The second reason was because deep inside, I'd been raised to be an honest and moral person and no matter how you sliced it, I'm a cheater. I AM the other guy. Priya is in a committed relationship with this bastard and has been for almost twenty years. But every time he goes home, I'm fucking her like there's no tomorrow. Priya and I, once we'd gotten started, had explored every aspect of sex that two people could do. There were no orifices on her body that my tongue, fingers or dick hadn't been in. We'd had to try to become more careful lately, because our lust often got away from us. Some of our closest friends knew what was going on between us, but didn't talk about it. The problem was, that we'd nearly been caught, by a few who thought that we were only friends without benefits the way we'd been the year before. There was also still the problem that Priya was insanely jealous and would go off in a heartbeat. I did dance often with friends like Terri and Sarah and even Amy, but if things got a little closer than Priya liked, she'd snap. The worst part was the summer. But this time we weren't out of contact. We texted and E-mailed each other constantly. Of course, her phone recognized my phone as belonging to her friend Erica, not Eric. That was just in case someone read her texts. We also had our own innocuous code messages. I don't care meant just the opposite. It meant I love you. And other things like that meant completely different things to us than to anyone else reading them. We also stayed at school for three weeks past the end of the semester and went back two weeks sooner. That cut a nearly twelve week summer break, down to only seven weeks, and even then it was incredibly hard. There were several surprises. I was at my grandmother's eightieth birthday party, when I absentmindedly answered my phone. Priya and I didn't call each other, just in case the calls were monitored. "Hello," I said while watching grandma blow out the candles or trying to, after sucking in as much air as her frail old lungs could contain. I'd automatically turned up the volume on my iPhone so I could hear over the party. Unfortunately, they all got really quiet as Grandma got ready to blow out the candles and I'm sure the people closest to me heard Priya's clipped precise accent. "Eric, I miss having you fuck me so much," she'd said. I quickly stepped out of the room and lowered the volume. Priya was calling me from a payphone while her family was vacationing in a nearby Russian city. Since the call was anonymous and she'd picked a payphone at random and during a time when no one was with her, she'd felt free to speak her mind. We had a great, although short, conversation full of reassurances that we both missed each other and still loved each other. Of course I ruined it with my jealousy. I told her that I was sure the prince was taking care of her needs and since he was older and far more experienced, I was sure she didn't need me. She laughed at me and explained to me that she and the prince had never actually even kissed. They'd never hugged and except for formally holding hands at a ceremony or two they had never made any physical contact. "And Eric, your hands feel better than his do," she'd said sarcastically. I felt so much better but not so much that I wasn't embarrassed beyond belief when I stepped back into the room and had my grandma and a few family members staring at me. Our separation only seemed to make us even more desperate, when we did get back to school and back to each other. We both knew that this was our last year together. To make things worse, I found out that the prince would be acting as Pacmanistan's ambassador to the United States. The country had a queen who'd been educated here. She'd come to power when the last prince, her brother, had killed his father and tried to kidnap the US president's daughter. "She really didn't want to be queen though and most were sure that she'd step aside for her cousin in a few years. That meant that Priya's prince would become a king, and she'd be a queen. In the meantime, he was traveling a lot all over the world and anticipated visiting Priya at least several times this year. It just seemed like every time I turned around, the bastard was underfoot. I saw him several times from a distance and as I've said, I hated him. The bastard was too smooth. He looked like fucking Pierce Brosnan, and he was too God damned nice. He had a staff that followed him around, and like his cousin the Queen, he wanted to modernize things. Even some of his staff members were British or American. He had an assistant that floored me. She was tall and blond, and looked like a fucking supermodel, that followed him everywhere he went. Priya hated her as well. I told her that she was probably just jealous and she laughed. "I'd only be jealous, if I actually wanted Gustav," she said. "She's welcome to him. I hate her because she's constantly staring at me." "Maybe she's a lesbian," I whined. "Even other females want my woman." "You got part of that right," she said. "I don't know about women wanting me, but I am YOUR woman." "But seriously Eric, she's always trying to get me alone and talk to me, like we're fucking friends or something. I get the feeling that she's trying to catch me doing something I shouldn't be, so she can report me to the prince. It's like she's some kind of God damned spy. I hate that bitch. When I do marry him, my wedding present is going to be that he fires her ass." Priya and I were so happy this year that I wanted to cry. If I'd thought that the previous year was incredible, this one was off the charts. We went everywhere together. She even came to my rehearsals with the band. I think that we both knew that out time was getting shorter and wanted to make the best of it. We knew that each activity we did, might very well be the last time we did it together. Some things meant more than others. We went ice skating for instance, and it was almost too emotional. Some of our friends understood that it had been a skating party two years earlier that had brought us together. Priya just couldn't seem to stop crying when it was time to go. It took her a few days to get the spring back in her step, both emotionally and physically after that. As the weeks passed and spring neared, there was a sense of desperation to everything we did. For me it was different. I enjoyed everything we did, but I got angrier each time the prince breezed into town. I began to understand the mind of a terrorist. With my background in chemistry; especially the way the human body reacted to chemicals, I thought about bombs and poisons several times when Priya was away from me. And each time that she came back, it took me longer to get over it. It wasn't fair. Priya was mine. But in the back of my mind, I knew that I'm the one who was wrong. If a man buys a car and can't drive it for a while, he might allow someone else to use it until he can. But the guy who bought the car, still owns it. Everything I did this year outside of class was for or about Priya. Every song I wrote was about her. And I guess that's why this weekend hurts so damned badly. This is our last weekend together. Yesterday, we took our last finals. Today was Priya's graduation. She looked so beautiful and I never got the chance to tell her. For some reason, Prince Dickhead decided to show up. He never comes into town for this. He's never been here for the last week of school. But I suppose it does make sense for him to be here to see his wife graduate. HIS wife; just saying it pisses me off. Priya spent last night and the night before, with him. From what I've heard, their wedding will be very soon. One week from tomorrow, I understand, they'll be tying the knot. I wonder if the future queen will wear the stupid heart that I gave her at her wedding. Or will she decide to put away childish things when she becomes a princess? Wiping away my tears, I turn back to my song. I need a bridge and a chorus. I string together some of the things Priya told me for my chorus and the song suddenly makes sense. "Girl don't it seem like our judgment day is coming on," "Seems like trouble, is traveling all the way." "All we've got is just a couple of years to call our own." "That's all we have, for all we know." I add a riff and a couple of different chord progressions together and craft a song to go with the lyrics. I play it a few times until it feels natural. I record it so I can play it for the guys tonight at rehearsal. I got a few phone calls during the early evening from friends who want to know why I'd skipped Priya's graduation. I have no idea what to tell them. Sarah especially gets on my nerves when she reminds me that years from now, I'll wish with all my heart that I'd seen her one last time. Amy called me, just so she could tell me that she told me so. "I warned you, Eric," she said. "I told you from the beginning that you were going to end up hurt and miserable." "Okay, you were right Amy, bye," I said. Terri called later to tell me how sorry she was that things didn't end up better for me. She also told me that she'll see me at my show the next evening. Rehearsal went about as well as it always does. I played the new song for the guys and we played the music a couple of times. Mark, our vocalist thinks I should sing it. I immediately passed. He argues that the emotion I put into it will take the song over the top. After that, rehearsal went the way it normally does. We spent about a half hour playing music and two hours drinking beer. Most of the time after practice is over, Priya and I hung out with the guys or went out to eat. Tonight, my heart just wasn't in it and I packed my guitar and left after we got done. I drove the Mustang back to my apartment and nothing seemed real. Even my normally loud exhaust system was more subdued. It's a clear sign that even my car missed Priya. Once inside of my apartment, I just plopped down on my sofa. I didn't lie in my bed because there are fresh sheets on it. The sofa still has Priya's scent on it and I lay there taking it in. I wrapped myself in a blanket and in the darkness I let all of my emotions out. I don't think I've ever been this desolate in my life. I felt like I had no reason to do anything. I started running every memory I have of our time together through my head. I think I had finally drifted off to sleep when I heard the door opening almost silently. I saw a person walking quickly towards my bedroom and I think thought I was being robbed. I heard a muffled sob and I knew that it was her. "Priya, what are you doing here?" I asked. "I miss you so much, Eric," she said. "I love you Pree," I gushed. "I hate you Erica," she said suddenly. "You ruined my fucking life." I was shocked. "They found out that you're not a virgin?" I asked. "No Honey," she smiled. "They're totally unaware of every nasty thing you've made me do. But how am I ever supposed to be happy without you in my life?" "Pree, I have no life without you," I said. "Eric...can we have one more night?" she asked. I didn't know what to say. I was thinking that another night would make things even worse. "Eric, please don't give me any of that jealousy shit of yours," she screamed. "You won dammit. All he gets is an empty shell. Everything that makes me ME, belongs to you. This is just as hard on me as it is on you. I'm risking everything to sneak over here to see you. So can we please just have one more night of us loving each other? We don't even have to do anything if you don't want to. You can just hold me for awhile and..." Priya was suddenly in my arms and we wasted no more time with words. Our clothes were thrown around the apartment and wound up in little clumps of mixed garments in our rush to touch each other one last time. When I woke that next morning, she was already gone and the emptiness I'd felt the afternoon before had returned with a vengeance. She left me a note that told me to check the photos on my iPhone. She'd left me a series of pictures, some of them, extremely naughty; and the instruction that I was to look at one picture per day for the next three weeks. And I was to think of her when I did it. Then I was to get off of my ass and go out and find someone new.