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Family Guy

By: cpete



As always special thanks to the editing skill of mikothebaby, for her kind time, and patience in making this story readable. All and any errors are mine.

++++++

My wife, Amanda, was trying to hold back her tears as we walked across the campus away from my youngest son's dorm room. We had just got him all moved in, and now Amanda was sniffling, as was our next door neighbor, Kathy, whose boy was rooming with our son.

"I can't believe our boys are all grown up." Our neighbor, Kathy, sighed as she pulled a tissue out of her purse.

My wife, Amanda, accepted one of the tissues. "Yes it is hard to believe," Amanda said, as she dabbed at her eyes. "Now they have to make so many decisions on their own."

My mind was also on my own big decision. I began to have doubts as we made our way to the parking lot. "Should I pull the trigger? My plans were almost a decade in the making. Was the timing right? Did it need to be done at all?"

Amanda made a move to clasp my hand. I avoided this by reaching into my pocket to pull out the car keys, even though we were still quite a distance away from my SUV. I saw our neighbor Kathy give me a puzzled look.

"Mark it's OK." Amanda spoke. "I know how you feel."

"If only you did." I thought, as my mind drifted back to past and the moment that started this all.

++++

I recall Amanda and I had just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, plus it was an election year. The current crop of crooks for office at that time were trying to tell us how the other side was bigger thieves and liars. I wondered if when these crooked politicians died, did they did need to dig a hole to bury them? Or would they screw right into the ground?

I had grabbed the mail that afternoon, pleased to see a padded envelope among the junk mail and bills. I had been the winning bidder of a bunch of SD cards off eBay, and the delivery was way overdue.

I ripped open the padded envelope from the back, I was dismayed to see another bulging smaller manila envelope.

"Damn!" I muttered, opening up the attached letter. "I hope I did not get burned on this bid. That would ruin my day."

Not only was my current day about to be ruined, but many future days also.

Dear Amanda,

I hope this note finds you in good health and spirits.

I have recently come to grips and admitted my addiction to alcohol. With the help of my higher power and sponsor, I am working the program. I am now clean and sober for 90 days.

As part of my twelve step program, I have made a list of all persons I have harmed, and am trying to make amends to them all.

In your case, I am more than willing to try direct amends, but I don't know how. As I only now, with my newfound sobriety, have come to regret our actions. Yet I do not wish to cause you any emotional injury or strife in your life.

Although I feel cowardly, the best I can do is ask you for forgiveness, and if you wish, promise never to contact you again.

Do with the enclosed what you will. I do not have the courage to destroy them, yet feel I do not have the will to resist the temptation involved with the memories of keeping them.

Warm Regards Always

Josh

"What the hell" I said out loud, turning the now ripped padded envelope to look at its front. I now saw it was addressed to my wife Amanda. "Josh? Regret our actions? What actions?"

The only Josh I knew was a neighbor who had moved away a while ago. Josh was one of those losers who lived in his parents basement. Drunk most of the time, he claimed to be running a photography business. Josh was a decade older than Amanda and I. He was what we called a "Slinky", not really good for anything, but brought a smile to your face when falling down the stairs. I recall something about Josh being forced out of the house after his parents passed, not keeping up with property tax or something.

My mind was in such a turmoil, it took me a second to notice I was still holding the smaller manila envelope.

Tossing the padded envelope and letter aside, I tore open the bulging manila envelope. A bunch of 3x5 pictures fell out. The first few pictures showed a decade plus younger Amanda in some tame cheesecake poses. She was dressed in a clingy blouse and shorts. The outfits looked familiar, I flipped over a picture and saw no date.

I walked into my home office and took a framed picture off the collection of family photos on my desk. It was a photo of a sitting Amanda and our first son, who was less than a year old at the time the photo was taken. Amanda had given me the picture as a Christmas gift. In the framed picture Amanda was dressed in the same outfit. Also the lighting was almost identical in the framed picture with my oldest son to the pictures I had received in the mail today. I turned the framed picture over, the date was nine years prior. I now had a date to go with the pictures.

I shuffled through the pictures. The progression of pictures had Amanda going from cheesecake, to topless, to fully nude. As Amanda's apparel dwindled, my blood pressure rose. The last sequence of photos had Amanda with a penis in her mouth and getting fucked in various positions. You could tell some of the pictures were taken by the guy holding the camera, such as a few shot from above, with Amanda looking up into the camera lens, winking, with a dick in her mouth and a smile on her face. Others must have had the camera on a tripod, or been taken remotely, as the pictures of Amanda getting fucked in missionary, doggie and cowgirl style, were off center, and somewhat less in focus.

I dropped into the chair at my desk. I felt faint, it was as if all the blood had left my head.

"How long had Amanda been screwing around on me?" I pondered out loud.

Glancing around at the assortment of pictures on my desk of my family, I tried to see if any more of them had Josh's "imprint". The array showed the evolution of my clan. Amanda on our wedding day, Amanda with my oldest boy as a baby, than Amanda with both our boys as they grew. Aside from the first picture, all the other pictures had the logo of various mall photo shops.

Suddenly a horrible thought crossed my mind. "What if the boys were not mine!"

I grabbed the most recent picture of my "Loving" wife and the two boys. They were dressed in their baseball uniforms from the summer league. I felt a swell of pride that any father feels when he looks at his offspring, but I tried to take a more critical view. Both boys favored their mother Amanda in looks, however, they did seem to have my build and jawline.

Leaning back in the chair, I felt weary. This was not helping. Than a thought flashed in my brain that sent me digging through the desk drawers. I pulled a copy of the medical form my sons had filled out to play baseball this season. In my day, the paperwork was basically who to contact in case of accident. Nowadays the form was almost 6 pages long with food allergies, insurance carriers, waivers, medication, and consent. The treaty to end World War II was on a single sheet of paper. Somehow I found it difficult to believe that my kid's baseball league was more important than the ending of World War II.

It took a while but I found the data on the voluminous form I was looking for, the blood types filled out by our physician. Reaching into my wallet, I pulled out my Red Cross blood donor card. Type "O" the card read. Amanda was the same blood type, we had always joked it was convenient we could donate to each other. My oldest boy's form stated he was also Type "O" I felt a huge relief. I scanned my younger boy's form for his blood type information.

Blood Type: "A Positive" it said in bold black letters.

While not a medical doctor, even a freshman high school biology student knows two Type "O" blood types cannot produce an offspring with type "A" blood

I had thought my world could not shatter twice in the space of an hour, but it had. I stared at the typed letters "A Positive" for almost a full minute, willing the letters to change. But they did not.

"YOU CHEATING BITCH!" I yelled into the empty house, slamming my fist on the desktop.

Wild thoughts ran thru my mind, I would murder Amanda. No, leave Amanda. No murder, THEN leave Amanda, No just take the boys, and leave Amanda. The boys were 9 & 11, I was pretty sure they would choose dear old Dad in a divorce if asked..or would they, or would they have a choice? These mental gymnastics continued for about an hour and just exhausted me. I found no solutions, just more questions. It got to the point that I was so tired, it took a massive effort just to drag myself up the stairs and drop into bed.

++++++

I sat at the kitchen table the next morning staring at my wife's back as she did something in the sink. I had begged off dinner last night when she and the boys had returned from the movies. After a restless night's sleep, I felt a strange calm, almost numb. Everything was the same in the house; Amanda had not changed appearances overnight. But it was as if someone had showed me all the magicians tricks. I was no long in awe, and questioned her every move and motive.

"Amanda do you remember Josh?" I asked.

I could not see Amanda's face, but I swear her body stiffened a moment before answering.

"Josh? Our old neighbor Josh? Wow, I have not heard that name in about a dozen years." Amanda said.

"I was just thinking about Josh and his photography stuff. He was always running around taking pictures of neighborhood kids. You think he was a pedophile or something?"

There was relief in Amanda's voice as she replied with a chuckle. "Believe me Mark, Josh was not into little kids."

"And you know this how Amanda..." I trailed off

Amanda wiped her hands on a dishrag before calling the boys for breakfast. "Quite a few mid mornings I saw a hung over Josh trying to sneak some bimbo out of their basement without his parents discovering them."

"Sounds like you knew Josh pretty well Amanda." I questioned. "You miss him?"

"Well no, not really." Amanda started. "We got a much better deal when Kathy moved in. You know our kids are almost inseparable."

Kathy, our good neighbor, had bought out the house mortgage after Josh's bank had foreclosed. Kathy was a single mother. She had used the life insurance money from her police officer husband's death to buy into Josh's former residence. Our kids were the same age and soon became fast friends, always together. As a single mom, Kathy worked long hours, we had basically "adopted" her kids. It was just as easy to load two kids into the car for a baseball game, or day at the beach, as four kids. They kept each other occupied. Amanda often joked with Kathy that we were going to list her kids as dependents on our tax returns.

As a single mom, Kathy could not pound a nail into a snow bank, so Amanda volunteered me as a "house-husband". I was not ready to be a cast member of the TV show "This Old House", but I could do most basic home repairs. My father had been a real craftsman in his field, but most times his mantra was "If it cannot be fixed with a hammer, you have an electrical problem."

I did not mind spending time doing a few chores at Kathy's. She was easy on the eyes, a real MILF, not that Kathy ever gave me any indication in that manner, nor had I expressed any interest. Dad had taught us to be a man of our word, and I had kept my vows.

Amanda came over and gave me a playful slap on the shoulder. "Mark don't tell me you are jealous of Josh after all these years?"

"The guilty dog barks first Amanda. Do I have any reason to be jealous?"

Amanda sat down at the table, but would not meet my eyes, instead just stirring her coffee. "Oh course not!" she said. "Josh was just a harmless drunk. He was always taking pictures of everything. He probably could have been a good photographer if he was not drinking all the time."

I leaned back in my chair and said nothing.

Amanda looked up for a second from her coffee mug before continuing. "Come on Mark. We had just started out. You were working two jobs and going to school, I was stuck home with a baby all day. After ten hours of "Barney" and diapers, I was desperate for some adult conversation. Everyone in the neighborhood was working. Josh was just..just around."

I still said nothing.

Now Amanda seemed to get upset. "My God Mark, What! You think I was off screwing some middle aged drunk in between the baby's naps! Get over yourself!"

I put down my coffee cup. "Amanda your acting awfully disturbed, the best defense is a good offense. You have something to tell me?"

Amanda just got an angry look on her face and jumped up from the table.

We were interrupted by the boys noisily invading the kitchen. I silently rose from the table. As I headed up the stairs, I mentally tossed reconciliation out the window. I knew the anger I felt toward Amanda would pass, the trust though, would never return.

++++

"Mark you sure you want to do this?" My brother Eric asked the next day. We were in his office, and he was looking over the photos, letter and other papers I had brought him.

Eric was my brother from another mother (and father). Eric's parents had escaped from Eastern Europe during the cold war days, and lived next to us when I was growing up. A tragic accident had killed Eric's parents when we were both only 6 years old. A social worker had asked my folks to look after Eric "for a few days", while they tried to locate other family members, or line up foster care. Eric's case fell through the cracks, or just got lost in the bureaucracy, because the Social Service people never did return. Eric just stayed with us.

Back then I didn't know any different. I treated Eric's addition to our family as an extended sleepover. I know now that it was a financial burden to our working class family. When I asked my mother years later how she did it, Mom just waved me off with "Slice the bread a little thinner, put some more water in the soup."

My father was never one to turn away a person in need. While a religious man, Dad felt faith was in actions, not litanies, and had no use for most of organized religions. He always ended all our supper prayers with "..next time let there be more instead of less around the table, and Lord protect us from your followers.".

Dad never treated Eric any different than me and my brothers (which given my Dad's temper, could be good and bad). Before my Dad passed, I questioned why he took in another mouth to feed, when he was already struggling. He just shrugged and said. "That's what a man does."

Eric was so blond he was almost white, reflecting his Eastern European roots, I was much darker skinned, given my parents southern Italian background, so it always raised a few eyebrows when we introduced the other as "brother." Once when my Dad was with Eric at a Father-Son event, someone had commented that the "mother" must have a very fair complexion. My Dad snapped back "Yea she is translucent."

Eric had worked his way through law school, graduating top his class. Recruited by a big name law firm, Eric had been climbing the corporate ladder on his way his way to partner. Even while working over 80 hours a week, Eric had all the trappings of an up and coming lawyer, expensive car, condo overlooking the city, the model quality fiancée from a wealthy family. She was on his arm at all the big gala events. That is until Eric burst into the office of his mentor, one of the senior's partners, to surprise him with the announcement of a major client signing. However, Eric was the one surprised, finding his fiancée bent over a conference table, being fucked in the ass by the senior partner.

Eric stayed to the end of the year at the firm to collect his bonuses and perks. Then after cashing out, Eric led an exodus of both the top lawyers and big clients from the place. His old firm never recovered, it tottered along a few more years before going bust.

Eric now had a small law practice dealing with contracts, wills, and other matters. He made the lions share of his money as a "hired gun", acting as outside counsel for various big trials. Now married, with two kids of his own, we were still close.

Eric shuffled my paperwork in a folder. "Mark, I think you are still in shock, take some time to get perspective."

"You mean like you did?" I said with sarcasm "You are my personal hero for how you handled that event at your original law firm."

"Not all of us can be heroes." Eric replied, trying to lighten the mood with some humor. "Someone has to sit on the curb and clap as we march by." He then got serious. "Listen Mark your wife, Amanda, is a person, and most people have a hard time seeing beyond themselves. We only see how we are treated and aren't on the lookout for the effects of our actions on others."

"What are you, fucking Yoda now Eric?" I rolled my eyes. "I want out! My revenge will be that cheating bitch getting squat, and everyone knowing what she did. I don't want Amanda to think she can screw around on me and plead hormone induced amnesia, like I am some Damn fool!"

"Ok Mark, but you know that revenge is a foolproof way to let someone know they get to you. This gives a person a lot of power, knowing that they can break you down. Don't give that power to anyone. It's better to ignore the emotional offender. I know it's not instantly gratifying, but in the long run it's the best thing to do. Take it from someone who has been there."

Eric turned to tap on his computer keyboard. "I don't do family law, but a buddy of mine from the old firm is a real shark. He is called "MISTER BIG SHOT" because he always hauls out the heavy artillery. This guy takes no prisoners, you sure you want to do this?"

"Make the call Eric."

+++++

A week later, we were in an upscale, corner office downtown, Mr. Bigshot had just finished going over the reams of paperwork I had brought in. Tax returns, pay stubs, mortgage payments, paternity tests, wills, etc. The list seemed endless as to what he required. Mr. Bigshot took off his reading glasses before speaking.

"Forget about it"

I was shocked at hearing those words coming out of the heavy set lawyer who was supposed to be such a killer shark.

"Mark, I know you and Eric are related somehow, so I am going to give it to you straight. Forget about it."

It took a moment for me to speak. "You mean I should just act like it never happened! Smile knowing I got screwed."

Mr. Bigshot leaned back in his chair. "Yep, unless you have video of your wife Amanda force feeding your kids Red Bull as toddlers, and making them fight each other for prize money."

He pointed at me. "Presently you have a good looking wife, home and two nice kids, but with a little more work, you can have a small apartment, no money, part time kids and the wife can have new male friends, with you paying the freight. I am talking alimony, child support, over half your earnings and savings. "

I was stunned. "Amanda has a job, and why should I pay child support for a kid not even mine!"

Mr. Bigshot looked amused. "Mark I will take your money if you want to proceed, but let me tell you about the facts and the law. What your wife makes at that pissant part time hair salon job does not come close to your income. So alimony is a given. All that is up for debate is how much and how long. As far as child support for a child not yours, only six states in America allow a male parent to stop, or not pay child support to a child not his while born when the couple was married. Unfortunately we do not live in one of those states."


Family Guy: Louis and Bonnie



"Hey Louis I just wanted thank you so much for this weekend. It's been a long time since I have had a girl's night out."

"Oh Bonnie you know you don't have to thank me, the truth is I'm glad to be out of the house to. Peter has been driving me nuts lately and worse of all we haven't had sex in almost two wks." Looking up Louis sees the hurt in Bonnie face and realizes what she just said. "Oh God Bonnie I'm sorry I didn't think it's just, just when was the last time you had sex?"

"The last time Joe and I had sex was the week I got pregnant and the next day Joe was hurt trying to capture that robber. I'm not complaining Louis I love Joe I really do but it has been over a year now I haven't had anyone to get me off in so long." Bonnie had tears in her eyes for a minute before pulling herself together again.

Louis looked down her food then back up into Bonnie's beautiful eyes, "Well Bonnie have you ever considered, umm, you know getting some on the side. You know just to hold you over?"

Bonnie considered the question for a really long time before finally answering Louis, "honestly Louis I'm not sure I could be with another guy, I just love Joe to much, but I don't know how much longer I can go without the touch of someone else." The two friends just sat there and ate in silence for a little while before Bonnie finally asked Louis a question that has been on her mind for a long time. "Louis if you don't mind my asking how is Peter in bed?"

Louis looked Bonnie right in the eyes and told her the truth. "Bonnie with Peter either you are getting fucked for hours or he's done in under a minute. When Peter is drunk he just can't last but when I get a hold of his fat ass he can go all night. Then there are the nights when Peter is sober and we fuck for hours. Peter will eat my pussy like no man ever has, it is incredible, but to be honest he's not the best pussy eater, I have had several who were better. After he eats me he takes his hard dick and fucks me in every hole I've got until we both have cum so much we pass out in our own juices." 

As Louis was telling Bonnie about how good a lover Peter was she could feel her thong becoming wet. Louis also noticed as she was telling her story that Bonnie's nipples became rock hard and that her friend was starting to squirm in her seat. Louis lifted her foot up Bonnie's leg and let it just graze up against the other woman's pussy. A small moan of desire escaped from Bonnie's lips and Louis new that she would have her beautiful next door neighbor.

"Oh God Louis I'm so horny," Bonnie confesses to her best friend, "Its been so since I last had an orgasm I just can't take it anymore. Louis, do you think we could go back to the room now, so I can take care of my needs?"

Louis nodded to her friend and the pair got up and left the health spas dinning room. Their room was a small room with one bed that they would have to share and a small bathroom. The only perk of the room was that the tub was big enough for two and had jets to help the guest relax. Bonnie went strait for her bag and grabbed her vibrator she had packed incase she had some free time alone, but now she just couldn't wait to be alone. As she grabbed the vibrator Bonnie headed towards the bathroom when all of a sudden she felt a light touch on her shoulder. Startled she turned to Louis who said to her, "Honey you are not playing with your wet pussy in the bathroom. Go get comfortable on the bed. I'm going to just sit over there in the chair so just pretend that I'm not even here." Louis gave her a soft shove towards the bed and a little pat on her nice tight butt.

Louis went and set down in the chair as Bonnie set down on the bed. She watched her friend slip out of her tight jeans and Louis couldn't help but stare at her friend's well shaped and tight ass. With her pants off Bonnie quickly slipped under the sheets of the bed and her hand and toy quickly followed. Damn thought Louis hoping to get to see her friend playing with her horny little pussy. Bonnie at first appeared to be uncomfortable, but she just closed her eyes and turned on her toy.

Bonnie nearly started cumming with the first touch of her toy to her very wet pussy. She still had on her soaked panties and was rubbing the vibrating toy on her swollen clit. Bonnie was moaning at the pleasure of the toy as it was flowing over her wet panties but this wasn't enough. Bonnie quickly stopped just long enough to toss off her wet panties and started up the toy again. Without her panties on Bonnie quickly inserted her toy deep inside her pussy. Bonnie had her eyes closed as she was pumping her vibrator in and out of her aching pussy so she didn't notice as Louis got undressed and slowly crept up to her. 

Louis bent down and passionately kissed Bonnie right on the lips and reached out to grab one of her big soft tits. The unexpected, yet extremely pleasurable, kiss and grope caused Bonnie to lose all control. Her hips began to buck and rise off the bed as her orgasm began. When Bonnie started to cum she was screaming in Louis's mouth so she moved from her friends lips down to lick and suck on her beautiful tits. 

With Louis sucking her tits Bonnie began to scream out in pleasure, "Fuck ohhohhh FUCK ME!!! Oh God Oh God Louis suck my tits make me cum like your little lesbian bitch!!!" Bonnie lost track of how long she had been cumming for and guessed that it had to be for several long minutes before her hips settled back down on the bed and she passed out.

Bonnie awoke from her sleep to a great pleasure; someone was going down on her. So it had all been a dream Bonnie had thought. She must be in bed with her husband Joe and he was licking her tight aching pussy getting it ready for his big 9 inch dick. "Oh Joe that feels good," she said and then she opened her eyes only to see Louis giving her the licking of her life.

"Oh Bonnie your awake again good. You passed out for about 5 minutes and I just couldn't let all of this delicious girl cum go to waste."

"God Louis yes baby lick my pussy you little slut!" Louis did as she was told and kept licking up and down her friend's tasty pussy. Louis would swirl her tongue around Bonnie's hard clit or flick it back and forth causing her friend to moan with pleasure. While Louis was playing with Bonnie's clit she stuck one, then two and finally three fingers deep inside of Bonnie. As Bonnie was approaching her next orgasm Louis quickly lubed up the middle finger of her left hand then moved it quickly to Bonnie's asshole. Louis slammed her finger deep inside of Bonnie's back hole causing her to scream out her next orgasm. Louis just kept sucking on her clit and fucking her friend in both holes sending her from one orgasm to the next. Finally Bonnie couldn't take any more and begged Louis to stop but Louis kept going sending her friend into one more powerful orgasm before slowly pulling away.

As Bonnie began to recover Louis moved up next to her friend and kissed her softly. "Louis thank you so much. I haven't had an orgasm like that since Joe's accident and I have missed having sex so much." Bonnie had tears in her eyes as she gave Louis another kiss. Bonnie slowly let her right hand move down to Louis's medium sized tits rubbing and pinching her nipples. 

Louis moaned from the slight pain pleasure mix as her friend grabbed a hold of her nipples. Bonnie then began to lightly kiss her way down her friend's neck towards those beautiful pink nipples. Bonnie kissed one then the other slowly licking and sucking on Louis now hard nipples. Louis was growing desperate with need for her pussy so she pushed Bonnie away from her sensitive nipples down towards her dripping snatch.

"Lick my fucking pussy you bitch!" Louis demanded of Bonnie. 

"But Louis I've never even touched another girl's pus..." Louis cut off her objections by pushing Bonnie's face down into her awaiting pussy. Louis had most of her pubic hairs shaved but left a little upside down pyramid pointing strait down towards her clit. The red patch of hair always seemed to help Peter remember to lick her sensitive clit and now it was directing Bonnie to her little love button as well.

Bonnie was slightly intimidated at first but quickly got over her nervousness about licking her first pussy. While she began doing all the things that she loved having done to her Louis was calling her all the names in the book. This oddly turned Bonnie on even more. Bonnie really enjoyed the taste of Louis little pussy. She would slide as much of her tongue inside of Louis tight cunt as she could lapping up her tasty juices. Like Louis did to her she began to finger Louis tight pussy and asshole. As Louis was on the verge of an orgasm Bonnie grabbed her vibrator and stuck it insider of her wet pussy and turned it on. The vibrations sent Louis over the edge. 

Louis was screaming out things like, "Oh my freaking GOD Bonnie I'm cumming...uhuhuh that's it you Little Bitch make mama cum!" As Louis's first orgasm was ending Bonnie took the toy out of Louis pussy making her whimper wanting it back inside. Bonnie quickly replaced it with her mouth getting her first taste of girl cum but she wasn't done with the toy because she moved it down to Louis little asshole and shoved it deep inside her awaiting hole. 

Between Bonnie's licking and the toy up Louis ass she had many more orgasm. Finally Louis forced Bonnie away from her now to sensitive body, and brought her up towards herself. The two beautiful women held onto each other and shared light kisses. Both women were drained and quickly fell asleep naked in each others arms. The next morning when Bonnie had woken up spooning with Louis she smiled down at her friend grateful for this wonderful new joy that had just entered her life and grateful that they still had another whole night together before returning home. 



Family Guy Redux



Family Guy Redux, I Handed Her the Divorce Papers and Everything Went Downhill.

Cpete wrote Family Guy, a more or less predictable cheating wife story. With cpete's permission I have bowdlerized the first part of his story almost beyond recognition as a lead in to my idea of an ending. I have kept the character of Mark, who's not too bright as cpete created him, but his wife now has 20 IQ points on him, and the story heads off in a different direction. You really should read the Family Guy, and then this one, and if you don't like this one, don't blame cpete. Oh, in this story the cheating wife wins!

Dawnj was kind enough to edit it.

Family Guy Redux

My wife, Amanda, was trying to hold back her tears as we left my youngest son's dorm, walking across the campus to the parking lot. We were hot and sweaty, having just moved him in, and now Amanda was snuffling, as was our next door neighbor Kathy, whose boy was rooming with our son.

"I can't believe that now all of our boys are grown up and moved out!" 

Our neighbor, Kathy, sighed as she pulled a tissue out of her purse in feminine sympathy.

My wife, Amanda, accepted one of the tissues. 

"Yes it's hard to believe," Amanda said, as she dabbed at her eyes. "It's the end of a big part of our lives, isn't it. Like 'the rest of our lives' sort of decisions don't revolve so much around the kids."

Kate stunned us with

"Don't be surprised when the 'for sale' sign goes up next door, I'm selling the house."

Amanda indicated her sympathy with:

"I wondered why you didn't do it years ago; you killed yourself keeping up that barn."

I only half listened to them. My mind was on my own big decision. I had a few doubts about "pulling the trigger" now that it come time to do it. My plans were almost a decade in the making. Was the timing right? Did it need to be done at all?"

Amanda made a move to clasp my hand. I avoided this by reaching into my pocket to pull out the car keys, even though we were still quite a distance away from my SUV. 

"Mark it's OK." Amanda spoke. "I know how you feel."

'If only you did.' I thought, as my mind drifted back to past and the moment that started all this.

I knew our marriage ended years ago. We had just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary; I grabbed the mail, pleased to see a padded envelope among the junk mail and bills. I had been the winning bidder of a bunch of baseball cards on eBay, and the delivery was overdue.

I ripped open the padded envelope and pulled out a bulging manila envelope with a letter.

"Damn!" I muttered, opening up the attached letter. You don't normally get a letter with e bay purchases. I hope I did not get burned on this thing."

Dear Amanda,

I hope this note finds you in good health and spirits.

I have recently come to grips and admitted my addiction to alcohol. I have no money and no family, but with the help of my higher power and sponsor, I am in a group home for substance abuse persons. I am now clean and sober for 90 days.

As part of my twelve step program, I have made a list of all persons I have harmed, and am trying to make amends to them all.

In your case, I am more than willing to try direct amends, but I don't know how. As I only now, with my newfound sobriety, have come to regret our actions. Yet I do not wish to cause you any emotional injury or strife in your life.

Although I feel cowardly, the best I can do is ask you for forgiveness, and if you wish, promise never to contact you again.

Do with the enclosed what you will. In my present circumstances, I am lacking privacy, and do not want something so personal to be seen by others. The memories they bring show how empty my life alone has been, but I can't keep them and I do not have the courage to destroy them.

Warm Regards Always

Josh

"What the hell" I said out loud, turning the now ripped padded envelope to look at its front. I now saw it was addressed to Amanda. "Josh? Regret our actions? That's a pregnant statement if I ever heard one!"

The only Josh I knew was our former neighbors' son, one of those 30+ year old losers who lived in his parents basement. Drunk most of the time, he claimed to be running a photography business. Josh was a decade older than us. He was what a "Slinky" is, not really good for anything, but brought a smile to your face when falling down the stairs. The family sold the place and moved away some years ago, taking Josh with them. Money troubles I was told.

I tore open the envelope, and pulled out a bunch of pictures. The first few showed a decade plus younger Amanda in some cheesecake poses. She was dressed in a clingy blouse and shorts. The outfit looked familiar. They were probably in chronological order, and I shuffled through them following a progression of Amanda going from cheesecake, to topless, to nude, to pornographic naked. As Amanda's apparel dwindled, my blood pressure rose. The last sequence of photos had Amanda with a penis in her mouth and having intercourse in various positions. 

You could tell some of the pictures were taken by the guy holding the camera because they were at odd angles, some with Amanda looking up into the camera lens, winking, with a dick in her mouth and a smile on her face, well to the extent she could smile with her lips around a penis. Others were taken from a camera mounted on a tripod from three different locations. My wife having him in missionary, doggie and cowgirl style, were off center, but in focus. Clearly no condoms, and from the changes in haircuts and makeup, taken over an extended time. In several she looked a little pregnant.

I walked into my home office and took a picture off my desk. It was a photo of her with our first son and his maybe three month old brother, she was wearing the same outfit. Now I had a date to go with the pictures.

I dropped into the chair at my desk. I felt faint; it was as if all the blood had left my head.

"How long had Amanda been screwing around on me?" I pondered out loud.

Looking through the sex pictures, her hair was various lengths, so at least several months, and in some her breasts were quite full, and her belly somewhat rounded. Carrying a child?

Suddenly a horrible thought crossed my mind. "What if the boys were not mine!"

I grabbed the most recent picture of my "Loving" wife and the boys dressed in baseball uniforms. Both boys favored their mother Amanda in looks, and looked to have my build and jawline, but what does that prove?

"YOU CHEATING BITCH!" I yelled into the empty house, slamming my fist on the desktop.

Wild thoughts ran thru my mind, I would kill her, leave her, get any kind of revenge on her. The boys were 9 & 11, shit! She'd get custody and I'd be a visiting father. There were no solutions, just more problems and questions. The weight of the discovery washed over me, and drained me. I was just so tired, weary. It took a massive effort just to drag myself up the stairs and collapse onto the bed. Try as I might, I couldn't still my mind. I pled sick at dinner, and stayed in the bedroom. 

The next morning I was at the kitchen table, staring at my wife's back as she busied herself at the counter and the sink. After a restless night's sleep, I felt a strange calm, almost numbness. Everything was the same in the house; it all looked normal, smelled normal, Amanda hadn't changed, but it was as if someone had showed me all a magician's tricks. I was no long in awe of her, and questioned her every move and motive.

"Amanda do you remember Josh?" I asked.

I could not see Amanda's face, but her shoulders stiffened a moment before answering.

"Josh? Our old neighbor? I haven't heard that name in years, did he do something to get himself in the paper?" 

"I was thinking about Josh and his photography stuff. He was always running around taking pictures of neighborhood kids. You think he was a pedophile or something?"

There was relief in Amanda's voice as she replied with concern. "Good god no! Don't tell me he's in the paper for that!"

"He's not in the paper at all. How do you know he's not some sort of sex offender..." I trailed off

Amanda wiped her hands on a dishrag before calling the boys for breakfast. "Of course I don't know any such thing. Once I saw a very hung over Josh waving goodbye to a woman leaving the house, so at least he likes women, and I never heard a hint in the neighborhood about children."

"Sounds like you knew Josh pretty well Amanda." I questioned. "You miss him?"

"Never really knew him. He took some portraits of the family, you wouldn't sit for any, so you're absent in them...that was about it. We got a much better deal when Kathy moved in. It's like she and I are twin moms!"

Kathy, our good neighbor was a single mother. The life insurance money from her husband's death in the line of duty went to buy Josh's house when his parents sold it. Our kids were the same age and Kathy and the boys became part of the family, sharing me as the father.

An unhandy single mom like Kathy couldn't maintain her house, so Amanda volunteered me as a "house-husband" which I didn't mind. She was a fun person, easy on the eyes, a real MILF, but I certainly didn't do or even hint about anything improper. Dad had taught us to be a man of our word, and I keep my vows, just like he did.

Amanda came over and gave me a playful slap on the shoulder. 

"Mark, you get jealous at the drop of the hat! It's silly! Josh was a drunk and a bum, who's only virtue, was he could take good portraits when he was sober."

"The guilty dog barks first Amanda. Do I have any reason to be jealous?"

Amanda sat down at the table, looked me in the eye and lied.

"Of course not! she said. 

"Like I said, Josh was just a harmless drunk. He was always taking pictures of everything. He probably could have been a really good photographer if he wasn't drinking all the time. His parents asked me to try to talk to him, get him into AA. Didn't work, though."

I leaned back in my chair and said nothing.

Amanda looked up for a second from her coffee mug and I thought she would resume with Josh, but she changed the subject.

"Weren't those the days, Mark. We'd just started out. You were working two jobs and going to school, me with babies in diapers, your mom so sick. But we had fun, didn't we. You could come home ready to drop, but you'd land with Mr. Woody up in the air! I had to get myself off first, because you'd be so tired you'd shag, shoot and snooze! "

"I don't think it's proper to talk of such things like that."

Amanda gave me a funny look, and heaved herself up. 

"Well so much for the good old days, I'm going out and weed the gardens."

I was going to follow her and have it out with her when the boys noisily invading the kitchen. I got them their snack, listened to their prattle, and shooed them outside to play. I silently headed up the stairs as I mentally tossed reconciliation out the window. I knew the anger I felt toward Amanda would pass, but the trust would never return. Find one rat, and there's others you didn't see.

"Mark you sure you want to do this?" My brother Eric asked the next day. We were in his office, and he finished looking over the photos, letter, and the DNA testing that proved my younger boy wasn't mine.

Eric was my adopted brother; my folks looked after Eric "for a few days" when his mother died. Eric just stayed with us. I know now that it was a financial burden to our working class family. When I asked my mother years later how she did it, she just waved me off with "Slice the bread a little thinner, put some more water in the soup. Children come first!"

My father was never one to turn away a person in need. While a religious man, Dad felt faith was in actions, not litanies, and had no use for the organized religions he knew about. He always ended all our supper prayers with "...next time let there be more instead of less around the table, and Lord protect us from your followers.".

Eric, always seeing the worst, said dad meant more food on the plates, but he was just ragging me, I knew dad was talking about more family and friends around the table.

Eric worked his way through law school, graduating at the top his class, and right off was minting money, engaged to the love of his life who was also a lawyer at the same firm. That is until he saw her bent over a conference table, having intercourse with one of the senior partner. It took a while, but word got out about her, so she had to quit, and the only work she could find was as a public defender at damn little money.

Eric didn't act right away. He stayed at the firm for almost a year and a half, collecting his bonuses and perks. Then after cashing out, he led a couple of other attorneys in an exodus. Taking most of the bigger clients with them. The old firm never recovered going bust two years later.

Eric shuffled my paperwork in a folder. 

"Mark, I think you're still in shock. Take a deep breath and get this in perspective. She's a good woman, good mother, and you get along well with her. You two are friends."

"You mean like you did?" I said with sarcasm "You and Dad are my personal heroes, look how good you handled that event at your original law firm."

"Bro: There are only winners and losers in this world. Heroes are scattered equally among them, You get to choose to be a winner hero or a looser hero. Listen Mark. I wasn't married, no mortgage, and I didn't have children. You and your wife are good folks, but most people have a hard time seeing beyond themselves. We only see how we're treated and aren't on the lookout for the effects our actions have on others."

"What are you, fucking Yoda now Eric?" I rolled my eyes. "I want out! My revenge will be that cheating bitch getting squat, and everyone knowing what she did to me. I don't want Amanda to think she can screw around on me and plead hormone induced amnesia, like I'm some Damn fool!"

"Ok Mark, so you want to be a loser hero. Go at her up the center and take the hits, fuck up the boys and their future and get spit out of the divorce courts. Stupid! Stupid! Think for a god dam minute. It's usually better to ignore the emotional response and plan your actions. I know it's not instantly gratifying, but in the long run it's the way to win. Think about what you really want and then create a plan to make it happen. T. Boon Pickens said, "A fool with a plan beats a genius with none every time." Take it from someone who has been there."

"Screw her! I want out!"

"I don't do family law, but an old friend of mine from the old firm is a real shark. Now you're sure you want to do this? I'm telling you, you'll rue the day!"

"Make the call Eric."

A week later, I was in an upscale, corner office downtown, Mr. Lawyer "the Shark" was looking over my last three years tax returns, paternity tests, and two pages of what I wanted out of the divorce. I was surprised how little he wanted to see. 

He took off his reading glasses before speaking.

"You said that other than that, you have a happy home? Kids doing well in school, no daggers flying between you and Amamda?"

I nodded in agreement

Then Forget about it! Leave it behind you!"

I was shocked at hearing those words coming out of the heavy set lawyer who was supposed to be such a killer shark.

"Mark, I know you and Eric are brothers, so I am going to give it to you straight. You'll screw up your family. Forget about it."

It took a moment for me to speak. 

"You mean I should just act like it never happened! Smile knowing I got screwed and am raising her love child."

Mr. Shark leaned back in his chair. 

"Yep, unless you have video of your wife Amanda force feeding your kids Red Bull as toddlers, and making them fight each other for prize money."

He pointed at me.

"Presently you have a nice looking wife, for the last ten years you've been happy together, respect one another, reasonable relationship, home and two nice kids, but look at the opportunity at you feet! With a little more work, you can have a crappy apartment, no money, part time kids who have no college in their future, and...and the wife can fuck her new male friends in your house. I am talking alimony from you, child support from you, more than half your earnings and savings."

I was stunned. "Amanda has a job, why should I pay child support for a kid not even mine!"

"Mark I'll take your money if you want to proceed but let me tell you about the facts and the law. What your wife makes at that picayune part time hair salon job does not come close to your income. So alimony is a given. As far as child support for a child not yours, it doesn't matter." 

"But what...what if I find out Amanda knew it wasn't my son all along? That is fraud, right?"

"Your wife could take out a full page add in the New York Times announcing to the whole world you were not the father, and she knew all along, and you would still have to pay child support."

I interrupted him. "I can at least try to get some back money from my cheating wife's boyfriend, right?"

"From the letter you showed me, he probably hasn't any money. Forget it.

I slumped back in my chair as he continued. 

"Ask yourself if the cost of a man's pride is higher than half of his assets, plus spousal and child support. And, making all this public won't give you your self respect back, or restore your reputation. Look, you work hard, but add apartment rent, and you two can't begin to carry the house. Your kids suffer, you suffer, your wife suffers? Try a Marriage Counselor to help you get past this."

"I swear that is NOT going to happen to me" I said through gritted teeth.

"Fuck!" I said under my breath.

"It's cheaper to keep her." Mr. Big said philosophically. "Extramarital affairs is an issue that 68% of all married people will have to deal with during their marriage. You have children involved, so that changes the whole dynamic. Children of divorce have a much higher rate of substance abuse, promiscuity, depression, and anger issues. Hell, the only truth in a divorce is that there are no real winners. However, absent abuse, in all cases among the losers are the children. Big time losers. You hate your kids?

Suddenly, I had a flashback to the day I told my Father we were expecting a child.

"Mark," Dad had said. "Many men are fathers, but fewer fathers are men. To be a man who is a father, your first, last, and only priority is your children. If there is not enough food, you go hungry. Not enough shelter, you endure the cold. If there ain't enough money, you do without. Most important is strength. You must be strong at all times for your family, and I am not talking about some blowhard show that buckles when the going gets tough. You must not only show strength, but also be strong enough to seek out, and accept help when needed. You will never know how strong you are, until strength is all you have.

Son, you will often be wrong, but you can never be in doubt. This is expected and accepted as a true Man. Your efforts will rarely be appreciated, or acknowledged, most times ridiculed, but a real true man does not do this for accolades or praise, he does this for his family, for his children, because he is a true and real MAN."

I jumped out of the chair like a shot, and extended my hand to Mr. Bigshot. "Thank you for all your time. I certainly got a heck of a legal education. But I do not think I will be using your services right now. What do I owe you for your efforts?"

He smiled a really warm smile as he stood to shake my hand. 

"No charge Mark, I owe your brother a few favors. I've given you good advice, I'm glad your reconsidering. Seriously, call me anytime, my door is always open to you. I mean that!"

+++++

Two days later I met Eric for lunch.

"Eric, after you caught your fiancée with your mentor, why didn't you quit right away? Why stay for almost a year/"




Family Guy Redux



I saw the jawline of Eric stiffen before he spoke. 

"Naturally, my first reaction was to quit immediately." He smiled a bit. "Well, actually that was my second reaction. My first reaction was to head butt the old bastard after I pulled him off that slut." Eric paused to peel a shrimp. "After I left his fat ass, sprawled out on the carpet with her, I went to my office and printed out my resignation."

"And?"

"At first I was mad as hell, than began feeling sorry for myself. Then I remembered what our Dad always said about pity."

Together, at the same time, in a low baritone imitation of my Father's voice, we both said in unison. "Boys, put your damn pity in one hand and piss in the other. Let me know which one gets full first."

We both laughed for a bit before Eric continued. "Anyway, I figured why should I let those two deprive me of the fruits of my sweat and labor. The next day, for the first time ever, the most senior partner came to see me. He was "concerned" about the "misunderstanding" between me and my old mentor.

What Bullshit! I was quite a rainmaker, and that prick was just worried about me walking, and taking all those accounts, as well as all the billable hours with me. He promised me all kinds of magic beans, and I made him put them all in writing. From then on, I was not going to let anyone dictate my happiness.

I even kept that cunt around for some regular guilt fucks. She did everything to keep me. I mean why shouldn't I? It was not as if we were both virgins, or never slept with others. Eventually I got tired of just sex and dumped her. She was history. Same with the law firm, the day my contract was up, my firm was set up, space rented and equipment in place, staff...everything. I left when it worked best for me, and on my terms, not theirs."

I took my brother's words to heart. From that day forward, I did what made me happy, while staying true to my Dads advice that the children came first. Amanda became a family helpmate, not so much a wife as far as I was concerned. I was determined to keep a little distance from her. We only had sex about once a month. That became easier a few weeks later when at supper: 

"Mark I have some great news!" Amanda announced at dinner. "The salon wants to make me manager full time! I'll have to start out working evenings and weekends. But I am sure you and the boys can make out OK."

This worked out perfectly, as I had had breakfast with the boys and was gone to work before Amanda awoke, and she was still at the salon the time I came home. I fixed us all dinner, fed her leftovers, and was fast asleep an hour after she came home. On her days off, I told Amanda I was in a darts league.

In reality I decided to have a few meeting with a shrink on my own. I found out I was responsible for my own contentment. Amanda's actions were out of my control. We're all surrounded by temptations. It is our own personal weaknesses and responsibility when we give in to those temptations. It helped make me stronger.

Of course I no longer trusted her, which changed the feelings I once had. If whatever she did didn't impact the kids, I really could care what she was up to. Not that she was up to anything. My hatred about her actions lost it's original intensity as time went on, sort of slid into the background. I was in this for my kids and me, period. End of story. Amanda became more like a roommate with benefits, and not many of those. She was so involved with her job, I do not think she even noticed me withdrawing.

Meanwhile, the boys and I were having a great time. I took out a huge home equity loan on the house, and put in a swimming pool, outside deck, plus turned our basement into a true "man cave." I got rid of my boring car and bought a massive SUV that got shitty gas mileage. My boys and Kathy's kids all traveled in comfort as I purchased prime seat season tickets to every sporting event. I became the kid's team chauffeur, as the damn SUV could squeeze in the whole team, plus equipment. Win or lose, each game resulted in a trip to the local pizza parlor, or ice cream place on my dime.

Kathy often accompanied us on our excursions. People often mistook us for one big family

Amanda generally begged off, because a couple of years later she bought the beauty salon business, and her work hours went up even more, so she was "too tired", or wanting to "relax" on her day off. 

In fairness she took the boys to plays, ballet and classical music concerts, fairy stuff that held no attraction for real men, but I figured sports, hunting and fishing were more interesting and would keep 'em straight. I took them camping in the woods where they could see unspoiled nature and we had a great time, Amanda took 'em to weekends in New York and Washington, so they could see how crowded and dirty the cities were. The kids got lots of attention, and I knew they'd spend most of their time with me after the shit hit the fan!

When my oldest boy and Kathy's firstborn son went off to the same college I set up a partial scholarship to enable her boy to attend. I didn't tell Kathy so she wouldn't feel she had to pay me back.

Three years later the same scene was repeated with the last of our offspring. This brings us to the present day and my current dilemma, stay or go? Move on, or the status quo?

++++

Amanda was on our deck, enjoying the last of the summer evening, overlooking the pool with a glass of wine. I saw the price on the bottle, damn $25 for a short quart! I popped a can of beer and joined her.

Amanda had her eyes closed as I took a seat in a lounge chair across from her. She yawned and stirred languidly:

"Mark, doesn't the house seem so empty now with the boys gone." Amanda sipped some more of her wine. "I've been thinking, we're both ready for a change in life."

I had finally made up my mind, and thought to myself "Oh wait Honey, you are gonna get a change, all right! Gonna destroy your cheating ass! Your happy days are over!"

"Hold that thought, I'll be back in a minute."

I came back from my truck and dropped the divorce papers on the glass topped table between us. 

"Amanda, I do not feel we should be together any longer. I would like a divorce."

Amanda sat straight up, nearly spilling her wine, her eyes wide open, and grabbed the papers, scanning through them quickly and muttered:. 

"No shit!"

"Amanda, these are signed copies of the petition for divorce. As soon as you get a lawyer to go over them with you, I need you to sign them too and we'll file 'em. As you can see I have been quite fair, the savings are..."

"Quiet, give me a minute, hon, I'm trying to read this. Yeah! Yeah, Good. Good! Yah, it looks OK. You've been more than fair." 

I tried to be calm, knowing the tears and sobbing would start as soon as it hit home.

"We both make about the same salary, with roughly the same amount in our retirement accounts." That much was true as I had deferred a big pay raise by asking it to be a bonus. Neither of us had much in our 401Ks after raiding them to pay for my sons' college."

"Ok Mark, I said it looks fair to me too. I'm good with it." 

I was shocked and delighted when she rummaged in her purse and pulled out a pen.

"OK I sign and date here, that's you're copy, and here, this is my copy. There! Done! Like civilized people, and no lawyers. I can't tell you how relieved I am. Frankly I'm fond of you, and I was really afraid you'd take divorce badly, you don't roll with the punches very much, so I'm delighted you came to the same conclusion on your own. I was afraid I'd hand you the papers and you'd start carrying on and on, spouting those bromides your father used to tell you. He was full of corn ball philosophy, and he was right on about half the time, but the other half...total fucking bullshit. So how does it feel to be free of me? Got somebody lined up?" 

My vision blurred for a moment, I was starting to black out. She was happy! She wanted a divorce? She should be howling and begging...what the hell!

"You OK Mark? You look like you're about to pass out. So who do you have lined up? You've been working up to this for a hell of a long time by my reckoning."

"Sadly I am still married to you until the Judge says it's final. Only then will I look for companionship with another woman. I'm not a slut with no morals." 

That would hit home, right to her heart, emphasizing who was a slut! Then I placed the pictures on the table one by one on the table, photos of her and Josh in the most disgusting pornographic of positions. 

"Where the bloody hell did these surface from? Oh Mark! I am so sorry you saw those, it must have been really hurtful to you. Josh showed them to me years ago. He promised to destroy them, 'cause I sure in hell didn't want them. Fucking Josh! Well what can I say, they are what they are. It was fun at the time. 

"You know, some marriages can sometimes survive bad sex or no sex if there is affection and companionship. In my case I needed sex, and wasn't getting it. On that companionship thing, you were good at it in the early years, but you've withdrawn from me for...what? Years and years! Your not really here any more. 

Knowing this was coming, I've been going with a guy for the last eight months who's a wonderful companion, and he can also fuck me hard standing up against a wall, and just as I come down from a howling orgasm, get me laughing so hard I piss all over the two of us and then he fucks me to another high."  

"Amanda that's filthy and disgusting! I'm divorcing you..."

Mark, I've got some pent up anger towards you too, and that...that slipped out. I said that just to push your button and gross you out. I shouldn't have done it, it served no useful purpose. I'm sorry I said that."

"It was awful is what it was, and I'm divorcing you because you are a gross, disgusting, cheating no good fucking whore! I have never cheated on you in my life. Never! My dad use to say that a man wouldn't..."

"Your father was a good man, a very good man, but he was also a closet case. In those days, you either became a priest or became a confirmed bachelor, what ever the hell confirmed means in that situation. Your mother got knocked up by somebody right after high school and he married her to save face for both of them. There's a reason why she didn't get pregnant again. You never saw them kissing, or putting their hands on each other, did you? Remember the family vacations? The two rooms? You boys and your dad were in one room, and your mom had her own room because she was 'a girl'? Sound normal to you? 

"They took turns taking care of you boys. Whoever was sleeping in the single room was free to satisfy their sexual needs. She picked up men, and they fucked the shit out of her while your father was reading you kids stories in the 'man cave.' The next night, he'd go out 'to relax" and she'd take her turn with you guys. It's the truth! Your mom and I talked about it. What can I say, they both liked dudes."

"You lying piece of shit! He wasn't like that! He was a man's man! No, no, not that kind of...he was a real man!" I was really pissed at her.

His face was flush, scrunched up in a rage.

"Mark! Being a man, being honorable, loving your kids, taking care of family has nothing to do with sexual orientation. He was a kind and considerate man, an excellent father, very much like you. I'll not say a word against him." 

"You just did! You called him queer! My father wasn't like that! It's an insult to him to even think that! Me, Eric, Mom we loved him!"

"You should add me to that list. I loved him too. As far as your mom knew, he didn't openly have sex with men until you boys were living away from home. Look, it was the arrangement your parents made with each other, and it was no one else's business. It was a sacrifice for both of them, they did it for themselves and for you boys. They did love one another, they just didn't have sex together. Much like us for most of our marriage."

"Jesus H! You are calling me a queer? Oh fuck, I feel like shit!" 

My heart was pounding, and my guts were turning to water. I just sat there in a daze what the fuck was going on.

"Mark, look I'm not complaining. We both went along with things as they developed with us, and maybe we made a mistake not talking about it. You're not gay, but after the first year or so, like a lot of people, your libido went south. Sex became totally vanilla, once a week, or less. When it dropped to once a month or less I was desperate. I tried everything I could think of to fire you up, but to you I was this sainted mother-Madonna, someone to occasionally make, delicate, sacred love to, not someone to fuck the shit out of sometimes. But I loved you. You were a good companion, good father, so I stood by you all these years."

"Right! You stood by me because you needed me. Your youngest child isn't even mine! That bastard Josh is, but it's only a guess, I wasn't involved, was I. You were screwing him for a long time, weren't you!"

"Mark's not yours? You're kidding! You sure about that?"

"DNA doesn't lie, unlike you, you slut!" 

"Well, I didn't know that. Really! Well I guess he could be. Josh was the first bit I had on the side. He wasn't good for much else, and I certainly wasn't going to run away with him. And not just besides he liked the bottle a lot more than he liked me. We fucked about once a week for...a long time, but like most of them, he was just a stiff and willing cock whenever I needed one."

"Oh Jesus, 'most of them?' Amanda, how could you do this to me? How many?"

"Look Mark, I know you're not going to understand because you're not like me. I was miserable, trapped with love and kids and no sex. I only had two choices, divorce you then and there, which would rip up both you and the family, or do what I had to do to make staying married bearable, which was get some fucking on the side while keeping my role in the marriage. Meanwhile I hoped our sex life would improve so I could close what for me was an open marriage. Much like your folks, I did it because I loved you and the kids. I'm sorry, but it was what I had to do to preserve our family. 

As to how many? I have no idea, I wanted a good fucking a couple of times a week, but I absolutely needed it once a month or so. I never found another Josh, and I was afraid of becoming attached to them, so I'd fuck 'em a few times and move on. I never did it with anyone from around here, and other than Ron, none of them knew my real name. I even had a fake driver's license and stuff if they looked through my purse."

"Like Vietnam, you destroyed the village to save it. This gets worse and worse, who's Ron?"

"We both knew when the kids left home, our reasons for staying together were done. I met Ron Willard almost a year ago, and...I know this is sudden, but I'm moving in with him in two weeks...the end of the month. I'll try to do it sooner if you like. I'm serious about him...Look, Mark, I hate to dump this all on you at once, I know it's hard, but look, you really deserve better than me! We're just not compatible in bed, the fire went out years ago, and even the companionship died. You're fine! You're a really good man! Somebody like Kathy would be great for you. She rarely...ahh rarely misses her husband, I think you two would be fine together."

"Kathy knew all this? She has the hots for me?"

"I don't know, she and I aren't that close. I know she likes you, but like you, she would never make a move while we were together. I just was using her as an example of someone who's fairly compatible with you, at least as far as I know." 

I'm not ashamed to say I started crying. It's OK for a man to cry, that is what dad...shit, this was not what I expected, at all. None if it! She's the one who should be crying and sobbing, not me, for god's sake!

"Oh god it's all, all screwed up, isn't it. You can't mean dad was gay! No way. You're way way wrong about that! I looked up to him all my life! I would have known!"

"Mike. He was like you, a real man. You are both old school men! He took care of your mom, and you and Eric. Think of what he suffered, decades without a sex partner, for you! For you and Eric! I went through your mother's papers, you know? I saved them because I thought they were important. Later on, when your mom went on cruses by herself, and your dad went fishing with his buddies up in Central Pennsylvania and Maine? They'd write letters to each other, they talked openly about their lovers, it wasn't cheating. And they really did love each other and could be open about their experiences. It was really beautiful, what they had."  

"Amanda, I have to go lie down. I feel awful...sick. Sick!"  

++++++

I lay there on the bed, my mind in a jumble. Like in twenty minutes my whole life crumbled. Amanda didn't even apologize for...for anything that she did. How could I not know? About any of it. Was I really living in a bubble? All I really know is one of the boys is mine. My father isn't dad! Well that's not fair to them. The four boys, Kathy's and mine, I brought them up and I'm their father, just like dad's my father. All this time I thought I was punishing Amanda, getting revenge for what she did to me, to us. But it's like we were in alternate universes. Love, hate, despair, pity, pain shame, rage, and wretchedness whirled in my head, over and over again until sleep covered it all.

When I came down stairs then next morning, it was like the storm in my head was gone, but left me facing a world of cold drizzling rain. I called Eric, hoping it was all lies about mom and dad...the bastard! He had known for decades, and then tried to tell me it was no big deal! Just let him think about the things dad must have been doing!

The boys took it pretty well. I guess with all their friends having stepdads, stepmoms, two moms, or two dads and "blended families" it was not a big deal to them. We didn't talk about the reasons for the divorce, but Mike Jr. said they knew neither of us was happy for a long long time. 

Amanda was quiet, but I knew her well enough to see that unlike me, she was at peace inside, eager for the future. 

I did what every middle aged man does when he stumbles from his marriage, I sold the house and rented a crummy apartment short term while I figured out what to do with my life. The house went under contract quicker than I thought, so I was trying to sell off the stuff neither of us wanted. We got a little cash out of the deal.

Naturally, I also joined a gym to try to get back in shape, or at least give me something to do in the evenings. I hate even the thought of going to the gym, but exercise helps depression and my belly was sagging down and my cholesterol was edging up. I was standing at the reception area dreading the free first session with my personal trainer when I heard.

"Mark! Oh My God, it's so Good to see you!"

I turned around to spot my old neighbor Kathy. She looked great. Kathy was dressed in skin tight leotards with the gyms name displayed across her chest and back. Kathy gave me a hug. Damn she was firm everywhere, and I felt myself getting firmer too.

"Kathy you look...outstanding." I said as she released me from our embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here Mark. Well part time anyway at least." Kathy looked down at a clipboard she was carrying. "Also lucky you, it looks like I am your personal trainer this evening. So what are you goals, flexibility, cardio, weight training? Where do you want to start?"

"Ah...how about the vending machine?" I offered. "I'll buy you the candy bar of your choice."

Kathy gave a laugh and dragged me into a slew of devices that could have been at home in a medieval dungeon to extract confessions. I saw none of the machines I recalled from my high school gym days.

I tried not to show any weakness, but after 90 minutes, I had vomited once and had to stop twice to catch my breath. Like any pseudo macho male, I lied and explained away my rushes to the bathroom on too much coffee at the office. The place must have had metric weights, because I know pounds were never that heavy.




Family Guy Redux



Kathy took pity on me, agreeing to meet at a coffee shop after I limped away to the locker room.

She looked fresh and radiant as we stood in line at one at the local java joints, while I felt like a dead man walking.

"Kathy, when did coffee get so complicated?" I said, after she rattled off what sounded like the makings of a chemistry science experiment to the guy taking our order. "If I recall there were only three types of coffee. Small, Medium and Large."

Kathy laughed. She had the high musical tone I remembered well. "Mark, just tell the Barista what you like, and he can mix you up something."

"Barista? My God." I shook my head in amazement. "Okay, please give me something a heterosexual male could drink at a football game that would not get his ass kicked."

Kathy swatted my shoulder as we walked to a table.

"Mark, I really miss you."

"Hell Kathy, you just miss having someone to do the free home repairs."

Kathy blew on the concoction that passed for her coffee before answering. 

"Well, there is that too. I am sorry about you and Amanda." She sipped her drink. "I think it's for the better, though. You two were miserable together. That's one reason why I stopped visiting, it was too painful to watch."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's like you were brother and sister, and wouldn't get near each other. You sort of cringed whenever she touched you, and rarely talked to each other. In a conversation, you each would talk to me, but not so much with each other. It was weird." 

I thought about what Kathy had said. "So Amanda never told you anything back then? What happened between us?"

Kathy shrugged again. "No Mark she didn't. We were friends, but not best friends, if you see the difference. Would it help you get back together if you did, you know, if you knew more details?"

I shook my head.

"No. I was the one to ask for a divorce and handed her the papers, expecting her to cry and sob, and be upset, you know. To my shock, she read the divorce petition, and signed it right then, in front of me, and told me she was moving out at the end of the month. So even if I wanted to stay, which I don't...it wouldn't matter much. It was odd, she said I was an old school guy, and I don't know what that means."

"Well it's all good, it means you have values, principles, you're a guy who isn't afraid to live by what he believes is important and right in life. You know, a stand-up-guy who takes pride in how he looks and acts. I'd say that's you."

"It does sound good, but apparently, it wasn't what she wanted you think?"

"Well as long as your principles and values and all that are the same as her principles and values, it's great. If not..." 

Then I tried to lighten the mood, and got Kathy laughing as I told her about other stuff. I was really enjoying myself and time flew by as we both enjoyed ourselves. Suddenly Kathy looked at her watch. "I am really sorry Mark, but I need to go. The last bus leaves in a few minutes."

"No worries Kathy, I'll give you a ride home."

"Thanks so much, my car's expensive to run, and I'm trying to be green, so I leave it home a lot. I had no choice tonight, it's going in the shop for a starter Thursday."

Now I looked at my watch. 

"Oh screw that Kathy, why didn't you call me before? I'll pick up a starter, and put it in your car. If we leave now we can get to the Auto parts store before they close."

"That would be so great Mark, but really, you don't have to do that."

"No really, not a problem. Besides, all my tools and stuff are still in my garage. I've got no place to move them to." Standing up, I offered her my arm. "Come Fair Lady, the Prius Hybrid Chariot awaits."

Kathy gave me puzzled look. "Hybrid Prius? What happened to that monster macho manly SUV of yours?"

I grimaced. "I got tired of driving from gas station to gas station. I think my carbon footprint was killing off an acre of the rainforest every day. Everyone constantly giving me looks, like I was some kind of Ecoterrorist."

Kathy looked amused. "I just can't see you in a hybrid."

"Yea, I can almost feel my testosterone level dropping as I squeeze into that plastic jellybean. You know how it is with us guys, size matters."

She chuckled as I opened the car door for her.

We caught a break; the auto store had a starter that fit Kathy's car (and bonus, it was on sale!). I swung by the house, so with the right tools, 90 minutes later I had Kathy's car all fired up.

She was living in a small two bedroom house that was immaculate. 

"Wow, this is great! You're not so handy around the house, I figured you for an apartment."

"I basically owned my house outright, so I sold it and bought this one and banked ¾ of the price for my retirement. I go to Lowes or the Depot when they have classes on stuff that I don't know how to do. I learned how to fix plaster and drywall, paint, basic plumbing, redo floors and all that. Plus I meet some nice people."

I was thinking she's got almost $300,000 in the bank! More money than Amanda and me put together, and I'm a sucker for paying for her boys' education! 

"Mark, I really appreciate you doing this for me and all,"

Kathy was so excited she grabbed me in a hug, and then looked guilty. 

"But don't get carried away. You know, I'm kind of used to living alone, and don't want to change that. You're free to store your stuff in the garage, but I'm not home much these days. You need to find yourself an old school woman, and they are out there. Do you mind if I introduce you to a few?"

"Kathy, I've always liked you, and I certainly don't wish to get involved so soon, so don't think anything of it. I just have some time on my hands. I'm not really ready for something serious, but as long at they know that, sure, I'll go out to dinner with anyone you suggest." 

I was driving by a few days later, and saw her and a guy laughing and going in the house. He didn't look like he was there to fix the washer. I had a second cry as I realized she liked me as a friend. I had been thinking of her in, you know, that way. It was a shock to find out that she felt differently. What is it about me?

+++++++

I called Amanda and asked her out for dinner just to talk. We met at a German restaurant around the corner from my apartment. She gave me a friendly hug:

"How you doin' Mark? You getting' out some?"

"I really don't feel like it, Amanda, I'm so depressed. Apparently I've been living in my own world. Dumb as a post! You and Eric knew about Dad, why did you keep me in the dark?"

"Mark, you idealize the people you love, and won't accept anything you see as a flaw. Your dad figured you'd turn on him if you knew, so it was his choice not to come out to you, and then after dad died, what was the point?"

"I never would hate him for that! It's not something he chose."

"Well maybe so, but you're pretty set in your ways, you either like something or hate it. Years ago, you remember I wanted us to pretend we were strangers and you were picking me up in a bar?"

"I think so, we didn't do it, I forget why."

"We didn't do it because you jumped all over me, 'only immoral people even pretend to do such things. That's dirty sex.' It didn't fit your image of what I should want, so you slammed the door shut. You're really rigid and too quick to reject anything new. You probably would have been outraged at your dad for not being what you imagined he should be and pitched a fit. Maybe you would eventually come around, but maybe not. You hugged my adultery to your chest letting it eat away at yourself for years. Once you get something in your head, you can't get it out."

"Well, maybe you're right abut that, but it is immoral...picking up people in bars."

"In your moral view it obviously is, even if it's your own wife you're going to 'pick up' and even if we are just playing. But rather than forcing me to fit your notions of fun, may if you had met me half way, we'd still be together. The more rigid you are, the harder it will be for you to find someone else."

"Do you thing that's why Kathy doesn't want to...you know be with me? I mean I could make her life a lot easier."

"Mark, I haven't talked to Kathy in months. Being able to make life easier is no reason, no reason at all to marry someone. But I don't know what she thinks, you should talk to her about that, not me. Talk to her, she's a friend, and that's what friends are for. I'm sure she sees you from a different perspective than I do."

We shifted to the kids, and I found out that they were more interested in a weekend at Tanglewood arts festival, than fishing up state, Amanda suggested I take them deep sea fishing at the shore. I've never done that, and it worked out all right, but I missed the trees and the hills. 

So how'd my plan work out for me. The short answer is the pits, that's how it worked out for me. Looking back on it, I wish we had talked years ago. Funny, I'm fifty years old, and finally old enough to have a conversation, you know, talk sort of comfortably about sex! I'm dating a nice woman, and while it's still hard for me, we talk about our needs, and you know, she taught me some stuff. 

Like dad use to say, "Please your woman, and the most wretched circumstances are pretty good." Or something like that, I really don't remember now.  



Family Guy



"But what..what if I find out Amanda knew it was not my son all along? That is fraud, right?"

Mr. Bigshot now leaned forward, putting his forearms on the massive desk. "I am going to let you in on a dirty little secret. Let's say we can prove your wife knew it was not your child. It would be Fraud if she represented the child as yours. However, that kind of fraud, is the only fraud that carries no penalty, and requires no restitution. Hell, if you were divorced and paying child support for 17 years, your wife could announce to the whole world you were not the father, and she knew all along, in a full page ad in the New York Times, and guess what? In all fifty states there is no law that requires her to pay you back, or suffer any penalty."

"Mark some poor bastard in Florida was paying child support to a lady he was not even married to. The fool finally got a DNA test showing the kid was not his, yet the court ordered him to continue to pay support, as it was, quote, 'In the best interests of the child.' I think that case is winding its way up the judicial ladder now, the child will be 18 before this saga ends. But even if he wins, there is no way that pseudo Dad is getting any of the funds back...."

I interrupted him. "I can at least try to get some back money from my cheating wife's boyfriend, right?"

"Most States only allow the mother to seek restitution. Only two states allow you as the male to try to recoup money. But you must prove both the boyfriend and mother knew of the deception. Plus, you need to show there was an undue hardship on both the child's well being and family quality of life. And Mark, guess what? This is not one of the states that has such a statute."

I slumped back in my chair as he continued. "Ask yourself if the cost of a man's pride is higher than half of his assets, spousal and child support. Money can't buy his self respect back, or restore his reputation. Is it better to end things and gamble to find someone to be truly appreciated by than suffer a sham marriage?"

Eric spoke up. "Maybe a Marriage Counselor can help them get past this."

Mr. Bigshot just waved his hand. "At best, counseling works less than 10% of the time. In my experience it just tips off the spouse, allows them to prepare an exit strategy. Over 2/3 of women in counseling will initiate the divorce. Well over 55% of women who cheat eventually leave the marriage. It is a little less in states with shared custody, but we don't live in one of those states. Our process is its winner takes all. Odds are overwhelming in the mother's favor here. You guys are what age? In your mid-thirties?"

"Yeah" I muttered, trying to absorb all these body blows.

"Well Mark, I hate to be the bearer of worse news, but the most common age a wife cheats on her mate is age 45. If your spouse has already had a fling, then when your wife hits forty, the evidence of that spouse re-offending is pretty high, sadly almost a sure thing. The pain and guilt have faded from the earlier affair, or fling, yet the memories of what was thrilling, good, the excitement, whatever about the event, grows in the mind. Kind of like some high school athlete who scored the winning point, but broke their leg in the process. The mind downplays or forgets the pain, yet blows the "big moment" way out of proportion. The longing to relive the moment can turn into an obsession. But while a middle aged athlete can only at best, relive those glory days through their kids sporting events, a spouse can, and will find a partner outside the marriage, in an attempt to recapture whatever made them have an affair in the first place."

Eric chimed in what I was thinking. "Once a cheater, always a cheater?"

Mr. Bigshot spread out his hands, palm up. "Nothing is absolute, but infidelity is a close second to the main cause of divorce, which is money."

"I swear that is NOT going to happen to me" I said through gritted teeth.

"Swear all you like Mark," Mr. Big replied. "Swearing is the compromise between running away and fighting."

"Fuck!" I said under my breath.

"Is it cheaper to keep her?" Mr. Big asked philosophically. "Extramarital affairs is an issue that 68% of all married people will have to deal with during their marriage. You have children involved, so that changes the whole dynamic. Children of divorce have a much higher rate of substance abuse, promiscuity, depression, and anger issues. Hell, the only truth in a divorce is that there are no real winners. However, in all cases the biggest losers are the children.

Suddenly, I had a flashback to the day I told my Father we were expecting a child.

"Mark," Dad had said. "Many men are fathers, but fewer fathers are men. To be a man who is a father, your first, last, and only priority is your children. If there is not enough food, you go hungry. Not enough shelter, you endure the cold. If there ain't enough money, you do without. Most important is strength. You must be strong at all times for your family, and I am not talking about some blowhard show that buckles when the going gets tough. You must not only show strength, but also be strong enough to seek out, and accept help when needed. You will never know how strong you are, until strength is all you have.

Son, you will often be wrong, but you can never be in doubt. This is expected and accepted as a true Man. Your efforts will rarely be appreciated, or acknowledged, most times ridiculed, but a real true man does not do this for accolades or praise, he does this for his family, for his children, because he is a true and real MAN."

I jumped out of the chair like a shot, and extended my hand to Mr. Bigshot. "Thank you for all your time. I certainly got a heck of a legal education. But I do not think I will be using your services right now. What do I owe you for your efforts?"

Mr. Big grinned as he leaned forward to shake my hand. "No charge Mark. This was just a couple of old legal buddies having a conversation." He turned toward my brother Eric. "Besides, I owe your brother there big time for dragging my fat ass out of that dead end position in the old firm. I am doing a hell of a lot better now, and have him to thank for it. Just call me anytime, my door is always open to you. I mean that!"

+++++

We were driving back in Eric's car when I asked him. "Eric, after you caught your fiancée with your mentor, why did you not quit right away? Why stay almost a year at that firm?"

I saw the jawline of Eric stiffen before he spoke. "Naturally, my first reaction was to quit immediately." He smiled a bit. "Well, actually that was my second reaction. My first reaction was to head butt the old bastard after I pulled him off that slut." Eric paused to tune the radio to another station. "After I left his fat ass, sprawled out on the carpet with that skank, I went to my office and printed out my resignation."

"So why didn't you turn it in?"

"I was mad as hell Mark, than I started to feel sorry for myself. Then I remembered what our Dad always said about pity."

Together, at the same time, in a low baritone imitation of my Father's voice, we both said in unison. "Boys, you can put your damn pity in one hand and piss in the other. Let me know which one gets full first."

We both laughed for a bit before Eric continued. "Anyway, I figured why should I let those two's actions deprive me of the fruits of my sweat and labor. The next day, for the first time ever, the most senior partner came to see me. He was "concerned" about the "misunderstanding" between me and my old mentor.

What Bullshit! I was quite a rainmaker, and that prick was just worried about me walking, and taking all those accounts, as well as all the billable hours with me. He promised me all kind of magic beans, and I made him put them all in writing. From then on, I was not going to let anyone dictate my happiness.

I even kept that slut around for a few good sympathy fucks. I mean why not? It was not as if we were both virgins, or never been together. The minute I found something better, she was history. Same with the law firm, the day my contract was up, I was history too."

++++

I took my brother's words to heart. From that day forward, I did what made me happy, while staying true to keeping my Dads position that the children were forefront. Amanda became a non-entity as far as I was concerned. I was determined to have as little to do with Amanda as possible. That became easier a week after I returned from my meeting with Mr. Bigshot.

"Mark I have some great news!" Amanda announced at dinner. "The salon wants to make me manager full time! I'll have to start out working evenings and weekends. But I am sure you and the boys can make you own dinners for a while."

This worked out perfect, as I was gone to work before Amanda awoke, and she was at the salon manager job by the time I came home. I was fast asleep by the time she closed up shop. On her days off, I told Amanda I was in darts league.

In reality I decided to have a few meeting with a shrink on my own. I found I was not any more fucked up then the next guy. But more important, I discovered, besides the obligations to my kids, I was responsible for my own contentment. What Amanda had done, was doing, or going to do, was out of my control. We are surrounded by temptations. It is our own personal weaknesses and responsibility when we give in to those temptations.

In truth, as I no longer trusted Amanda, this changed the feelings I once had for Amanda. Soon I found I no longer cared what she did. The hatred about her actions lost it's original intensity as time went on, but the bad feelings were still there. I was in this for my kids, period, end of story. Amanda became more like a roommate with benefits. She was so involved with her job, I do not think she even noticed.

Meanwhile, the boys and I were having a great time. I took out a huge home equity loan on the house, and put in a swimming pool, outside deck, plus turned our basement into a true "man cave." I got rid of my boring car and bought a massive SUV that got shitty gas mileage. My boys and Kathy's kids all traveled in comfort as I purchased prime seat season tickets to every sporting event. I became the kid's team chauffeur, as the damn SUV could squeeze in the whole team, plus equipment. Each win or lose, resulted in a trip to the local pizza parlor, or ice cream place on my dime.

Kathy often accompanied us on our excursions. People often mistook us for one big family. "I wish!" was my semi joking response. That always got me a puzzled look from Kathy.

Amanda constantly begged off, citing her work schedule, being "too tired", or wanting to "relax" on her day off. Soon, the boys just stopped asking.

After some years, my oldest boy and Kathy's firstborn son went off to the same college, hers on a partial scholarship. Kathy never knew I had lumped in the rest of his expenses with my boy.

Three years later the same scene was repeated with the last of our offspring. This brings us to the present day and my current dilemma, stay or go? Move on, or the status quo?

++++

Amanda was on our outdoor deck, enjoying the last of the summer days, overlooking the pool with a glass of wine in her hand. I returned after cleaning out the SUV of the remnants from our trip.

Amanda had her eyes closed as I took a seat in a lounge chair across from her.

"Mark, the house seems so empty now with the boys gone." Amanda sipped some more of her wine. "What a difference, but I am ready for a change."

I had finally made up my mind, and thought to myself "Oh wait Honey, you are gonna get a change."

I dropped the papers on the glass topped table between us. "Amanda, I do not feel we should be together any longer. I would like a divorce."

Amanda sat straight up out of her chair and grabbed the papers, scanning through them quickly. "What the HELL is this nonsense Mark!"

"Amanda, these are only a copy of the petition for divorce. As soon as you get a lawyer, I will have my attorney send the official ones to him. As you can see I have been quite fair, the savings are.."

"ARE YOU INSANE!" Amanda almost screamed. "After two decade you are dumping me! Now, after everything we have been through!" She kept looking though the papers. "No Alimony? Where is the split of savings? Shared debt on house? What are you trying to pull!"

I tried to be calm. "We both make about the same salary, with roughly the same amount in our retirement accounts." That much was true as I had deferred all pay raises that went with my recent string of promotions, plus kept my 401K contributions to the minimum, after raiding it to pay for my sons college.

Amanda looked like she had been pole axed, as she kept flipping through petition. "We only make the same salary because I work twice as many hours as you! I am not selling my house! I have worked too hard on it!"

"Amanda, we are upside down on the house, after you count the home equity loan. Where do you think the money came from for this deck, your new kitchen, the.."

She threw the papers on the table. "We are not getting a divorce, and that is final!" Suddenly it looked like a light bulb went off in her head. "You son of a bitch!" Amanda spat, pointing her finger at me. "You have found somebody else! I give you the best years of my life, and now you want to ditch me for some young slut!" Her face got red. "How long have you been fucking around on me! You cheating pig!"

"Please." I sighed. "Let's not go there. It does not matter what the reason is, this is a no fault state. Everything, both assets and debts are going to be split equally."

However, Amanda was not to be mollified. "Oh you are wrong MISTER! It does matter! I wanna know AND I deserve to know. Who have you been screwing me over with!"

I shook my head and said softly. "It is true there has been infidelity involved, but please let's not go there. It's best if we just keep this..."

My vision blurred for a moment when Amanda tossed her glass of wine in my face. As I got up retreating to the kitchen, I felt the wine glass bounce off my back before shattering onto the deck.

Amanda was livid, following close behind me keeping up her tirade, as I washed off my face in the kitchen sink.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I am not going to be tossed away because you want get your jollies off with some bimbo! No wonder our sex life has gone to hell the last few years! Well, let me tell you something buddy boy! I have had lots of opportunities in the past but I never.."

Amanda stopped cold, as I turned, placing one by one on the kitchen counter, photos of her and Josh in the most pornographic of positions. I slapped the pictures down, each one more revealing than the one before.

Her face went ghost white as Amanda rushed to the kitchen sink and began to vomit.

I shuffled the pictures into a pile as I sat down at the kitchen table. "Well Amanda, looks like you took advantages of the opportunities presented to you in the past."

Amanda finally stopped vomiting. She rinsed her mouth off with tap water, them splashed water onto her face. Finally she patted her face dry with a towel before sliding into the seat across from me.

"Please Mark, put those away." Amanda pushed the pile of picture toward me with one finger as if they were a live poisonous snake.

I placed the pictures into an envelope, than tossed them into a drawer behind me.

Amanda buried her head in her hands. "Oh My God, I don't know what to say."

I was weary. "Doesn't really matter Amanda, I don't care."

Amanda grabbed at my arm. "Mark, please listen, it was only that one time! You must trust me on this!"

"No Amanda, I don't have to trust you on this. And I don't." I leaned back in the chair. "I mean what? You would never lie about cheating?"

Amanda held onto my arm tighter. "It was so long ago. I did not know being a mother would be so tough. I was so sleep deprived with the baby, and you were always tired from working. I feel like I was losing my identity, just another "Mom" or you wife."

I pulled my arm away. "I was working two jobs and going to school, all for us, our family. So I really don't want to hear about being tired.."

"Mark I know." Amanda pleaded. "I wish I could take it all back. Josh was just a fun drunk. Josh's Mom would sometimes be around to watch the baby for a few minutes. Give me a chance to be with a grown up for just a little bit, to keep my sanity."

I tried to get up. "Amanda I really don't care."

She ignored me and continued. "Josh always had a drink in his hand, after a while I would take a sip or two. He was always taking pictures of me with that high speed shutter camera. I started to goof around, acting like it was some big modeling shoot. Josh kept encouraging it, telling me how great I looked, a natural, how the camera loved me."

Amanda bit her lip as she looked at me. "It just was fun that got out of hand. I would pull down my shirt to expose my shoulder, or lift it up a bit, to show off my belly button. Pretty soon I got so comfortable I was down to my bra. It was no big thing, hell people saw more at the beach."

I saw Amanda start to get tears in her eyes. "Then one day when I mentioned about getting you a picture for Christmas, Josh offered to do the photo for free. It went real well, the picture turned out great. Our son fell asleep right after, on a couch in Josh's studio."

"You mean his parents basement Amanda?"

She wiped a tear from her eye. "I figured he would sleep for a while and I did not want to wake him, so Josh and I had a drink. Well, one drink led to a bottle, and..well, in between my period and your crazy schedule, you and I had not had sex in a while. I was feeling real horny, when Josh started to take the pictures of me, this time my 'bad girl' came out. He was making me feel so sexy, I felt so naughty flashing Josh, and he kept encouraging it, like we were doing a real photo shoot."

I thought I could not be more shocked after I originally saw the pictures, but I was. "You mean you fucked that God Damn drunk, with my son sleeping a few feet away!" I stammered.

"OH God Mark, I am so embarrassed! I do not know what came over me, I was such a..a..." Amanda paused.

"Slut? Skank? Cumdump? Whore?" I offered. "Wait I take that back, you sold your ass for a picture. That makes you a really cheap hooker."

Amanda dropped her head on the table and began sobbing.

I mentally kicked myself, I would not treat a stranger this way, let alone someone who I had once had strong feelings for.

"Amanda, we cannot change the past, just own our actions. Please sign the papers, we will tell people we grew apart, no one outside our little family has to know."

Amanda lifted her tear streaked face from the table. "It does not need be this way Mark. Please that happen so long ago. It was such a nonevent, a mere blip, a stupid mistake of no consequences."

I pulled another set of papers from the folder, placing them in front of Amanda. I spoke as she scanned the set of documents.

"Amanda, all actions have consequences, some action more than others."

"Mark what is this?" Amanda asked, looking from page to page at charts and graphs.

"Amanda, that is DNA test results from our family, as well as blood types. You can see one of us does not match."

Amanda grabbed at her chest and started gasping for air. I got up and pulled a paper bag from the kitchen closet.

"Amanda breath into this paper bag" I ordered, placing the sack in her hands. "You are hyperventilating. Now slow down. Take natural breaths. Breathe through your nose, easy, easy."

After a minute Amanda's breathing returned to normal. I retreated to sit on my side of the kitchen table. She put the paper bag down as the color returned to her face.

"Amanda, you knew all along." It was a statement, not a question.




Family Guy



Amanda started shaking her head, while twisting the paper bag with her hands. "I..I..I suspected, but just hoped that.. well, I prayed..but..never...was never sure.." She stopped in mid-sentence.

"Amanda come on." I coaxed. "You are a high school graduate, honors in biology if I recall. You must have thought me quite the fool when I swallowed the whole 'premature birth', baby come early, load of crap you spouted." Now I was shaking my head. "You can see why I have a difficult time believing in any of your words, when you not only cheated, but had me raise another's man child."

"It wasn't like that Mark! After Josh and I...I just felt so ashamed. I didn't want anyone to touch me, not even you. I swore I would become the best mother and wife ever. Then when I found out I was pregnant. I..I just panicked. I had these nightmares you would throw me out, take away our son, make me have an abortion."

"Amanda, at any point in our time together, did I every threaten you? Every make you do anything you did not want to? You know how family centered I am, how I was raised." I stopped to rub my temples. "If you had come to me we could have worked it out. However, you chose to lie to me."

"It was just that one lie Mark!"

"No Amanda, it was not one lie. It was a lie every day up to today. Every day you chose to live and tell a lie."

"I didn't have a choice." Amanda pleaded.

"You always had a choice Amanda. At any time you could have come to me. You chose to continue that lie, and I do not know how many others. Now it is my choice."

"Please Mark." Amanda begged. "Don't tell the boys!"

"Amanda the time for lying is over. Children who experience secrecy and lies cannot trust what they are told, they become insecure and dependent. When the framework of the family finally collapses, there may be no honest relationships to fall back on. The children feel cast adrift, so either you tell them, or I tell them.

"Oh my God." Amanda said. "What will I say? 'Boys your mother is a cheap, lying, ungrateful, gutter slut who cheated on your father!'"

Now I had to smile. "Well Amanda, you may wish to skip the part about the 'cheap lying ungrateful gutter slut'. How about we tell the boys their mother made a mistake, but they are still both our sons, and this changes nothing about the love we have for them."

++++++

The boys took it pretty well. I guess with all their friends having stepdads, stepmoms, two moms, or two dads and "blended families" it was not a big deal to them.

Amanda was a bit bitter about the whole thing. She kept harping on how we could work it out, what a waste not to enjoy the house we had worked so hard on. But I was just done with the whole thing, and wished to move on.

Oddly enough the house was a bigger hassle then the divorce. Our MegaBank gave us the runaround when we tried to give it back. They killed short sales we had lined up, and we never seemed to talk to the same person twice. Depending on who you were talking to at the MegaBank, you got different answers to the same questions. Plus the paperwork was unreal. I believe we personally deforested a greater part of Washington State's trees on just our written requests alone. Thank God my brother Eric tapped one of his buddies, who was a real legal eagle in real estate transactions and legislation to help us. In a short few months, he proved the MegaBank not only violated their own internal policies, but also many state and federal laws passed to protect underwater homeowners.

In a bizarre twist, the MegaBank ended up owing us money. When they did not even show up for the court hearing (despite four registered letters), we obtained a default judgment that give us the house free and clear, plus court and attorney costs. It became a three ring circus when our attorney showed up at a branch of the Megabank with two armed Sheriff's, a writ, and moving company to seize assets (furniture and computer equipment, etc.) when the Megabank ignored countless notices to pay attorney fees. The local media was in full force, and even bystanders pitched in to help remove bank fixtures as the shocked bank manager tried to get someone from "higher up" to return his phones calls. The Megabank manager was using his personal cell phone as they had seized his office phone. We and our Attorney became celebrities for a while when the "David beats Goliath" story went nationwide.

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but the addition of the house threw a monkey wrench into up our divorce settlement. Amanda did not want to sell the house now. So after much "debate", she agreed to pay me half of what would be the rental value, and she would be responsible for gas, electric, water, etc. We would go 50/50 on insurance and taxes, with the proceeds from any future sale to be split equally.

I now did what every recently divorced, middle aged, man does, and rented a crummy apartment short term while I figured out to do with my life. Naturally, I joined a gym to try to get back in shape.

I hate going to the gym, I was standing at the reception area dreading the free session with my personal trainer when I heard.

"Mark! Oh My God it's so Good to see you!"

I turned around to spot my old neighbor Kathy. She looked great. Kathy was dressed in skin tight leotards with the gyms name displayed across her chest and back. Kathy gave me a hug. Damn she was firm everywhere, and I felt myself getting firmer someplace too.

"Kathy you look...outstanding." I said as she released me from our embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here Mark. Well part time anyway at least." Kathy looked down at a clipboard she was carrying. "Also it looks like I am your personal trainer this evening. What machine do you want to start out on?"

"Ah..how about the vending machine?" I offered. "I'll buy you the candy bar of your choice."

Kathy gave a laugh and dragged me into a slew of devices that could have been at home in a medieval dungeon to extract confessions. I saw none of the machines I recalled from my high school gym days.

I tried not to show any weakness, but after 90 minutes, I had vomited twice. Like any pusedo macho male, I lied and explained away my rushes to the bathroom on a too much coffee at the office. The place must have had metric weights, because I know pounds were never that heavy.

Kathy took pity on me, agreeing to meet at a coffee shop after I limped away to the locker room.

She looked fresh and radiant holding onto my arm as we stood in line at one at the local java joints, while I felt like a dead man walking.

"Kathy, when did coffee get so complicated?" I said, after she rattled off what sounded like the makings of a chemistry science experiment to the guy taking our order. "If I recall there were only three types of coffee. Small, Medium and Large."

Kathy laughed. She had the high musical tone I remembered well. "Mark, just tell the Barista what you like, and he can mix you up something."

"Barista? My God." I shook my head in amazement. "Okay, please give me something a heterosexual male could drink at a football game that would not get his ass kicked."

Kathy swatted my shoulder as we walked to a table.

"Mark, I really miss you."

"Hell Kathy, you just miss having someone to do the free home repairs."

Kathy blew on the concoction that passed for her coffee before answering. "Well, there is that too. I am sorry about you and Amanda." She sipped her drink. "Hard to believe that women cheated on you."

I had to gag to stop from choking on my coffee. "What! Who! How! How did you know?"

Kathy looked at me a second before putting down her cup and speaking. "No one told me. I have known you and Amanda for a long time." She shrugged. "Nothing I can prove, just an old cop's wife intuition. Amanda always had that 'Hope I don't get caught, look what I got away with' vibe about her."

I thought about what Kathy had said. "So Amanda never told you anything?"

Kathy shrugged again. "No Mark she did not. Would it help you get back together if she did? You know if you..knew more details?"

I shook my head. "No. It is not about the cheating, well, yes it is about the cheating. But this is more about the lies and mistrust. That I can't get over. I have about as much chance of finding trust in Amanda as a blind man with a microscope. Without trust." I wiggled my hand. "Why bother? The marriage is over."

I tried to lighten the mood, and got Kathy laughing as I told the saga of our home/bank/repo confrontation, plus the unusual house split between me and Amanda. I was really enjoying myself and time seemed to fly by as we both enjoyed ourselves. Suddenly Kathy looked at her watch. "I am really sorry Mark, but I need to go. The last bus leaves in a few minutes."

"No worries Kathy, I'll give you a ride home."

"Thanks so much, my car won't start. Bad starter I think, and well, work has been cutting back on my hours. Things have been a little tight, so I need to wait until next payday before I can get the car towed to the shop to get it fixed."

Now I looked at my watch. "Oh screw that Kathy, why didn't you call me before? I'll pick up a starter, and put it in your car. If we leave now we can get to the Auto parts store before they close."

"That would be so great Mark. For the past month, I've needed to leave home three hours early to catch all the buses, and it's still a 30 minute walk to work from the nearest bus stop. " Then Kathy paused. "But, I..um..don't have the money right now..."

I waved her off. "Forget it, you need a car. We'll deal with the repayment when you get ahead of the game. Besides, all my tools and stuff are still in my..I mean Amanda's garage. I have not gotten around to getting them moved." Standing up, I offered her my arm. "Come Fair Lady, the Prius Hybrid Chariot awaits."

Kathy gave me puzzled look. "Hybrid Prius? What happened to that monster macho manly SUV of yours?"

I grimaced. "I got tired of driving from gas station to gas station. I think my carbon footprint was killing off an acre of the rainforest every day. Everyone constantly giving me looks, like I was some kind of Ecoterrorist."

Kathy looked amused. "I just cannot see you in a hybrid."

"Yea, I can almost feel my testosterone level dropping as I squeeze into that plastic jellybean. You know how it is with us guys, size matters."

She chuckled as I opened the car door for her.

+++++

We caught a break, the auto store had a starter that fit Kathy's car (and bonus, it was on sale!). Amanda was not home, but I still had the garage door code, so with the right tools and 90 minutes later I had Kathy's car all fired up.

Kathy was so excited she grabbed me in a tight hug, planting a big kiss right on the lips. I did not return the embrace, having a grease covered tool in my hand. However, another covered tool further south was making itself known. If Kathy noticed, she did not say anything.

Cleaning up, I saw the water spigot would not turn off completely, and the drain was slow.

Drying my hands, I pointed at the sink. "Kathy, why didn't you call me? I could have taken care of that."

"Mark, I knew you and Amanda were having bigger problems. I did not want to bother you over trivial stuff. Besides when they started cutting back at work, I couldn't afford.." She turned away, but not before I saw tears in her eye. "I am not a charity case!"

I stepped up and put my arm around her shoulder. "It's not charity, just one neighbor helping another." I gave her a squeeze. "Besides I got lots of free time now, and it looks like you got some things that need to be done to fill that time. Tell you what, let's make a list, and like Kris Kringle, check it twice! Now be nice and please get me a pen and some paper. "

Kathy wiped her eyes, but she had a small smile as she turned toward me. "Ok Santa, but if you are too nice, I cannot promise I won't be naughty."

++++

For the next two weeks, I seemed to spend all my free time at Kathy's house. Her home did not need anything major, just a lot of small stuff from screen mesh repair, and rusty door hinges, to chalking splash guards.

I didn't get to get to see her "naughty" side, but enjoyed our time together. One night, after a few glasses from a bottle of wine, Kathy talked about her first husband.

"He was a good man Mark. Always helping others. He got killed when a drunk driver hit him. He was not even on duty. He had stopped on his way home from the gym to help a lady who had a flat tire. Damn drunk never even slowed down." She took another sip of her drink. "He was a fighter though! He held on for four days. You know the last thing he told me?"

I stayed silent.

"Mark the last words my husband said were not about him, they were about his family." Tears were streaking down her face now. "He said, 'Take care of our boys. Take care of our boys and take care of yourself."

I moved around the table to hold her as she continued. "I never thought it would be like this. Because he was off duty, we never got any of the survivor benefits. His small life insurance policy helped us get this house. Cops take care of their own, and his squad was always there to help. But I had to move. Because as wonderful as they were, it just kept reminding me of his death. I just never..I just never thought it would be this hard."

I let Kathy cry herself out, there were no words that needed to be said.

++++

The next morning I was under the bathroom sink fixing the drain. I felt someone tap my foot.

"Mark where did you go last night?" I hear Kathy say.

"Back to my crummy little apartment." I replied, pulling off the drain trap. "You were pretty much out of it. So I put you to bed before I left."

I stuck my hand out from under the sink and showed Kathy the drain trap. "Damn girl! Look at all this hair! You been washing a mongoose in the sink? Why if I.."

Suddenly the front door slammed open, and I heard footsteps, followed by a shrill voice. "WHERE IS HE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY HUSBAND YOU DAMN SLUT!"

Banging my forehead as I pulled my head out from under the sink, I saw Amanda's feet in the bathroom doorway.

"YOU BITCH!" Amanda screamed at Kathy. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

I jumped up, putting myself between a shocked Kathy and an enraged Amanda.

"Amanda what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to defuse the situation.

Amanda took her focus off Kathy, turning on me.

"Damn It Mark I know what is going on! Every night you're coming out of this sluts house, clothing all messed up! Sweaty like some farm hand plowing the field. I know what you have been plowing!" Amanda paused, it looked like she was trying to calm herself. "I accept you are trying to get even with me. But you have had your fun screwing this bitch. It's time for us to get back together."

I was so shocked I could hardly speak. "Amanda, there is no getting back together. That time is long passed. Besides nothing has been going on with Kathy."

I felt Kathy's arms envelope me from behind before she spoke. "That right Amanda, noting has been going on. But guess what? That is going to change right now. My late husband 'God rest his soul', told me to take of myself. And I intend to start right now by taking your EX-husband upstairs and fucking his brains out."

Now it was Amanda and I that stood there dumb-struck, Kathy moved from behind me and took Amanda's arm, leading her out the open front door. "Now please, do not be a stranger, but call first. We are going to be busy for a while." With that Kathy closed the door on a still mute Amanda.

Kathy walked back toward me, as I finally found my voice to speak. "Kathy that was....something. Thanks for the back-up and ego boost, but it was not necessary."

Kathy stood directly in front of me and took off her shirt. She had on no bra, and even for her age, Kathy's beasts were a sight to behold.

I managed to take my eyes off those two beauties, and look into Kathy's eyes, kicking myself for what I was about to say. "You sure you want to do this?"

Kathy put her arms around my neck. "Mark, I have known you longer than I knew my husband. I loved him like I loved no other, and I have fulfilled my promise to him to take care of our boys. Now I intend to fulfill my other promise to him, and take care of myself." With that she grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to the bedroom."

+++++

I am not sure who was more nervous. I did not want to screw things up, and Kathy had not been with a man for almost two decades. But just like riding a bike, we kept our balance and found the right speed.

The pillow talk got interesting when Kathy declared. "Mark, you need to move in with me." It was a declaration, not a question.

"Hold on. That is a bold statement. Aren't you afraid of this just being a rebound event?"

Kathy propped herself up on one arm, allowing me a view of those wonderful breasts. "Mark, we have been friends for most of our lives." She put her hand up to stop me from speaking. "We are too old to play games. It is a win-win. You need a place to live, I have a place available. I care for you, you care for me. I have needs, and you do too. Why should you pay rent to some faceless landlord? If it makes you feel better you can put what you would spend on rent toward the mortgage. Besides you know this house better than anyone."

"Kathy won't it be weird with.." I pointed across the street at my old house where Amanda lived.

Kathy just shrugged. "Not my problem. I am past caring what other people think, I only care what you think. Your old house is still in your name. That is a major investment, and what better way to look out after your investment than by seeing it every day."

++++

And so we did. It was odd for a while. Amanda was still bitter about the whole event. She seemed unable to move on.

"Damn it Mark!" Amanda said to me one day as I was at "her" house sealing a crack in the driveway. "When are you coming back home? This is crazy, you know you belong with me. What can I do? You know I am sorry for....everything. Just tell me what needs to be done to make this go away."

I put the top away on the sealant before speaking. "Amanda, I know you are sorry, and so am I. The fact is we are not getting back together, you need to continue on with your life. Find someone else."

"Like who?" Amanda spat. "I work in a salon with gay hairdressers, most of my customers are first wives." She looked at the ground. "Never did I think I would be one of them."

I said nothing and started packing up my tools.

"Come on Mark." Amanda pleaded. "Surely you can give me another chance, just forgive and forget, at least for our boys sake. I mean the holidays are coming up, we need to be together."

"Amanda, you are forgiven, and you had a chance every day for over a decade that you decided not to take. As far as forgetting..." I shook my head. "It is true the Holidays are coming up. The boys will be coming home from school, we can have alternate dinners at both yours and Kathy's home with all the kids like in the past."

Amanda crossed her arms defiantly. "I am not having that whore in my house! There is no way I am going to step foot in that bitch's house!"

I just shrugged. "I guess we will miss you."

+++++++

I thought the holidays would be awkward for the kids, given the new living arrangements between their parents and all. That fear was unfounded as both sets of kids took it in stride. I guess that is a good thing, but Damn, doesn't anything phase their generation?

The boys attended two dinners, so not to upset either mother. But by Christmas, the kids put enough pressure on Amanda to stop into Kathy's house for a short visit. Kathy asked her to stay, but to no avail.

Kathy tells me she has nothing against Amanda, and has no qualms about me spending time there doing house repairs, or events with my boys and Amanda. I do not think they will ever be friends as they once were, but Amanda seems to be warming up, and is at least civil to Kathy as time has passed.




Family Guy



After a year together, I couldn't be happier. It was not the white hot "love" of our youth, but a much more deeper, mature love of affection and respect. Still I felt an obligation, and asked Kathy about making it "legal".

"Mark." Kathy said, holding my head with both hands. "You are a great guy, and I want to spend the rest of our days together. But I promised myself I would only get married once in my life. I hope you can understand."

Truth be told, I really could not. But I remembered another thing my Father drilled into me. "If it ain't Broke, don't fix it!"

+++++++

Most bits of fiction have some hint of fact. In 44 of the America states, men can be required to pay support for children not theirs. Only two states allow restitution from biological father to non-biological father on a "limited" scale if fraud is involved. Statistics in this tale came from the Marriage Project, and the General Social Survey (GSS) by the University of Chicago and The Fidelity Study by the University of Indiana. Ownership of underwater homes and the repo of furnishings from local branches of some this country's largest banks has happened a few times, as homeowners have exploited the slow moving massive bureaucracy of the banks to their advantage.