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Every Year, Every Christmas

By: X_Bishop



(This story is inspired by The Luther Vandross song of the same name.)

What you are about to read is odd for me. As a rule I never try to post my stories to more than on site. This is a unique situation in that this is the first of two reprints of stories posted on another site. My thanks to my friend Isaac Newton for his editing and his challenging comments. If you have Luther Vandross's Christmas CD listen to cut number 4. I think it sets the mood for the story just as it did my imagination.

It's Christmas Eve in Albuquerque NM. The evening air is chilly, just like I like it. My visible breath marks time with my step as I briskly walk through the park. The hawk tries to whip open my charcoal grey wool coat, but this is only a baby hawk. It would take Mr. Hawkins from Chicago to even get my attention tonight.  I pull my cap down and my scarf tighter around my neck, and just keep steppin. I dropped Jr. and CeCe at their grandparents. They're getting old enough now to know I don't have to work every Christmas Eve, but maybe by next year I'll be over the pain and heartache. Hell, she's only been gone 4 1/2 years. 

I quicken my pace.  I need to get to the restaurant before it fills up.

My name's Nathan Saunders, and to look at my life you'd think I had it made. I'm a successful up-and-coming entrepreneur. My bank accounts show I have enough money to buy pretty much anything I want, but I've always maintained a lifestyle that looked like I was just making it. Right now the greatest joys of my life are my 8-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter.  Concern for their health, growth and well being is all that kept me going those first months after she left. It was hard to make them understand that their loving mother still loved them but had to leave because of her addiction. They are still too young to be told the total truth. I was her husband for 5 years, her man for 2 years prior to that; and I still can't totally grasp the situation. Some people, happy in their alternate lifestyles, may say that I should have stayed and gone with the flow to keep her happy. Most of them never understand that, in a marriage, meeting the other's needs not only comes first, it goes both ways.  There are some dreams or desires that are better left unfulfilled for the sake of the relationship. 

Like I said, life on the outside is all good. It's inside that I keep falling apart; inside that I keep trying to rebuild my broken heart and synthesize some kind of patch for the chunk that my ex-wife Maime took away when she walked out. By now I almost make it through the year, and then Christmas comes and Luther Vandross's song "Every Year, Every Christmas" plays, and my heart shatters back into the pieces she left it in. In the video Luther waited under a lamppost on a crowded street for the love that left him, as his friends watched from inside a special restaurant. Me, I'm going to go into mine and hopefully get OUR seat -- the seat where we had our first dinner date, the seat where I proposed to her, the seat where I last saw her smile before my world came to a crashing halt.

Let me tell you a little about Maime. Born in Brazil, she stands 5'6 1/2" tall, with a clear honey brown complexion and dark brown eyes that draw you into her sensuality. She has a face that people say favors the actress Raven Simone except darker. After each of our 2 babies, she worked out hard 3 times a week and got down to a 39DD chest, 28-inch waist and 38-inch hips.  She sported a booty that made men trip over their dropped jaws when she walked by. Pair all that with her thick almost muscular legs complete with a gap between the thighs (you brothers know what I mean), and you have a true-to-life traffic stopper. She usually kept her thick hair cut right at her shoulders.  When she was 8 years old, her parents were one of the few black families allowed to immigrate to the US that year. She was the oldest of 5 kids and the first in the family to go to college. That's where I met her.  For me it was love at first sight. She didn't get the picture until her third (and though she didn't know it, her last) opportunity to go out with me. She did, however, and from that point on we were inseparable. She had a sharp mind and common sense that sent most of the players' home with their tails between their legs.  

We didn't make love right away.  I always assumed it was Maime's way of testing me to see if I was for real. I remember what Maime said to me the night we first made love: "Nathan, baby, you need to understand a couple of things. First, I'm in no way a virgin. I gave up my virginity when I was sixteen and had my first grown man at seventeen. I've discovered I have a very big appetite when it comes to sex. Second, and this is important, I only want to have sex with one man, MY man. As long as you never cheat on me or play me for a bitch, I promise you I'll do everything I can to make our sex life as wild as possible. Now, you think you're ready for some of this?"

I didn't answer her. That night I let my actions answer for me. She was the one that went to sleep first, about 3:30 AM! When she did, I woke her up with my cock deep inside her pussy in a long slow fuck that had her screaming and left her curled up in a fetal position after she pushed me away. I leaned down to her ear and whispered, "I'll expect you to hold up to your end of the bargain on the wild sex, cause what you got so far is just the start. Oh yeah, I don't share either." [wr3] We started on Friday night, and by Sunday morning both of us went to breakfast walking funny. 

After we graduated, marriage seemed like the natural thing to do, just like it seemed natural to include her in the fledgling computer networking business that had been my dream. I guess the laws of the universe were in our favor because after 3 years, with her handling the front office and scheduling and me handling the client prospecting and onsite work, we were showing a nice profit. Through all the struggles our relationship just kept growing. Even with the added pressures of the business and the additions of the kids we still had what I thought was a healthy sex life. 

I arrive at the restaurant. The hostess and manager remember me. They have my/our usual table ready. Jenny the waitress brings me my usual glass of wine and leaves the menu. I pull out my wallet, remove our picture, and prop it up against the napkin holder. She's still beautiful. She told me I was her best lover, the one that met all her needs. To me, she was the freak of my desire. To everyone that knew us, we seemed a perfect pair. I never even came close to wanting another woman. How could I when every time I looked at her I saw freak that I hadn't touched yet. I never once thought that there was anyone else out there who could see it, much less touch it. My bad. Near as I can tell our troubles didn't start until the business's fifth year, when we developed a business relationship with Strem Technologies Inc and it's president/owner Todd Strem. 

Todd was a unique man. He had a Mellow Yellow complexion with a 6-foot tall muscular body.  A Leon Isaac Kennedy face with a Billie D. Williams's presence and personality that usually had all the ladies drooling when he walked by. He had a dual reputation of being a shrewd businessman who got what he wanted and a player who got who he wanted. I had worked hard to break into his little clique of associates and was fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to land some small contract work on a minor job. Maime and I stayed up late most nights making sure everything was perfect on that job. We did so well that Mr. Strem himself came to our offices to congratulate us and to lay out several other projects that he thought he could use us on.  We worked hard and got great reviews of our efforts and service.  Todd laid out still more projects, and I must admit each time he did, the money got sweeter.  We started spending a lot of time with Todd, to the point that he became a regular visitor at our house and we were invited to his parties. We did a lot of networking at those affairs, but always Todd was there in the mix. Some people began to regard the three of us as partners. 

Maime, at first, was nervous around him. Her intuition told her he was dangerous. He would always be very polished and professional with the both of us. Maime said he at times seemed overly polite to her, but he seemed to look through her. Maybe that should have started bells to ringing in my head, but I was running so hard to make sure that everything was right that I never focused on him and Maime. As time went on, she grew accustomed to his presence. To hear her account of how things happened, even if I had been looking, I probably wouldn't have seen anything. She claimed she didn't see the trap until she was already in too deep.

The months before our explosion saw our company make a lot of money and impress a lot of people. The work also kept me out of town quite a bit, but we always tried to visit our special restaurant just before I left on any extended trip. Near the end I was literally dead on my feet but again from what Maime said to me later, I could have been at 110% and it wouldn't have made any difference. When Todd made his move it was a slam-dunk. I never knew there was a game, much less that it was lost, till that particular Thursday night when I came home a day early from a business trip set up by him. I was exhausted. All I could think of was climbing into the hot tub with a bottle of champagne and pulling Maime in with me. Hell, I didn't even care if she was on her period; I would have gotten off just holding her in my arms. What I found was a videotape propped up between the front door and the storm door of our house.  On the outside of the box were the typed words, "Watch this. Your wife is very photogenic."

I assumed that this was some special video that Maime had made of herself modeling some lingerie or telling me where to meet her for some special fun. The strange part of it was I hadn't told her I was coming home early. I wanted to surprise her and the kids. The house was empty so I assumed she had sent the kids to her cousins' for the night, and further assumed that Todd had told her I was coming in early. I was only half right. Over the next four and a half hours I would see just how wrong things were. 

I poured myself a gin and tonic and slid the tape in the VCR. As I sipped on my drink I saw a living room come into view. I knew it well since I'd spent many hours sitting in it hashing out details on various projects - it was Todd's living room. I remember thinking, "Now this is strange. Why would Maime be showing off lingerie in Todd's living room?" I heard voices from outside of the camera's range and was shocked to see Todd walk in and sit on his plush leather sofa, followed by Maime. The first shock came from what he was wearing - a light robe and red silk boxers. Then Maime dropped her coat to reveal the special sweater that I had bought for her some months ago. It was special because it could be worn as a regular sweater or off the shoulders and folded up to reveal her midriff. I was surprised and a little irritated to see her exposed shoulders but also that she had it rolled up, not only showing off her flat belly but also accenting the way her short leather skirt rode her wide hips. About a third of her thighs were showing, something she never did unless she was with me. She had completed the outfit with her black see-through, thigh-highs and black 4-inch pumps, which always made her big legs almost irresistible to me. 

Todd seemed to have a concerned look on his face and Maime's face showed equal concern. They sat and talked about the usual conversational topics as if trying to refrain from getting into the main event. Finally Todd started the conversation that sparked the end of my marriage. The hidden microphones picked up every word.

"Maime I'm thankful that you took the time to come over. You really didn't have to. You look gorgeous as always. That outfit is fantastic."

"Thank you, Todd. You sounded so upset, I thought I'd better check up on you. What happened?"

"I broke up with Sherry tonight."

"What? Why?"

"(Sigh). You know why."

Maime leaned back either in surprise and shock or to better show her legs; I don't know which.

"No, Todd. You can't mean that..."

"I told her that the timing wasn't right for us. I let her down as easy as I could. I just couldn't tell her the whole truth."

"Todd, no! Don't lay this on me."

"No, Maime. You know that's not me. But the truth is the truth. If you read the letter I sent to you, you know I could never do that. Just like I can't change the way that I feel."

"Todd, please don't go there. I'm a married woman - a happily married woman."

"I know that. I've never deceived myself. I know how much you love Nathan. He's my friend. I'd never do anything to hurt him, but I can't deny my feelings for you either. That's why I wrote you the letter. I needed to confess my true feelings for you and try to move on, but I can't."

"Todd, your letter touched me very deeply. You know that. I even hid it from Nathan, something that I've never done before. You have become more special to me than you know, more special to me than I ever want Nathan to know. I love Nathan..."

Todd's demeanor changed; "You love Nathan, but..."

"There is no but; I love Nathan."

"But you do have feelings for me."

"I just told you that you're special to me."

"Maime, please, after all the hours we've spent talking over the phone and at each others houses, please don't shut me out now."

"I'm not trying to shut you out or anything, but..."

"I know, I know! You love Nathan. But over these past months I've developed very deep feelings for you, a passion that sometimes threatens to drive me crazy. I couldn't continue to sleep with Sherry when all I could think about was you."

"Todd, I'm s-"

It looked like a scene from a soap opera as Todd stood up and angrily cut Maime off, "No, I don't want your sorrow or your pity. What I want is the truth."

"You already have the truth."

"No, what I have is part of the whole truth, laid out as a defense. I can't live with that anymore."

"Todd, what is it you want me to say?"

"That I'm not crazy, that I'm not out here all alone. I've bared my heart and soul to you, knowing full well you belong not just to another man but also to my good friend. But I feel our relationship, yours and mine, goes deeper and covers so much more. I don't expect it to be as powerful as your love for Nathan. I just need some acknowledgement that it exists, that you do have feelings for me. Just some acknowledgement that I matter, that my passion for you is, at least in some small way, returned by you."

I saw Maime shiver and turn away. "Todd I..."

Todd didn't wait for her to finish. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her back toward him. Then he took one finger and gently lifted her chin till their eyes met. Suddenly a chill went down my spine. You see, when Maime and I first got together and were learning each other, defining our relationship, one of the things we agreed on was that neither of us would ever look the other in the eye and lie about anything. She has blown 3 surprise parties because she made me look in her eyes and tell her the truth. That Todd would take this particular action surprised me. To my knowledge, she had never lied when we did this. 

"Maime, look me in my eyes and tell me the truth. If you can look me in the eyes and say that you feel nothing for me then I will never mention it again."

"Todd, please don't."

"Maime, all these months I've watched you and Nathan together.  I know that you have never looked him in the eye and lied to him. Now I'm asking you to do the same for me. Look in my eyes, and tell me that you have no feelings for me."

Maime froze. Again I saw her shiver as she tried to look away and tried to decide what to say. Finally she froze again, and my gut twisted into a knot when she whispered, "I can't."

"Can't what, Maime?"

"Todd, please?"

"Maime, you need this as much as I do. Tell me what's in your heart."

Maime closed her eyes and stifled a whimper.

"Todd, I love Nathan with all my heart ... but, god forgive me, I find you physically almost irresistible."

Todd enveloped Maime in a tight embrace that I knew took her breath away. He kissed her neck, her cheek and finally her lips. Maime fought him when their lips first touched, but Todd never relented.  Seconds later the embrace became mutual. I began to hear the breathing and moaning that was formerly heard by me alone. Maime was hot and getting hotter by the moment.

Todd's hands were now on the move, caressing her bare back up under her sweater. Maime jumped, and I could tell from her gasp and moan that Todd had successfully unclasped her bra. Her groans went to the next level as she felt another man's hands fondling her for the first time in 7 years. 

"Todd, please stop! We can't ... (GASP) Ohhh shit!"

Todd ignored her. He lifted her sweater and began to suck on one of her exposed nipples. Maime has always had sensitive breasts. There had been many times, when I wanted to tease her or turn her on but she wasn't in the mood, that I would ever so lightly stroke her breasts, especially her nipples. It worked every time. Several times I'd made her cum on the dance floor during a slow dance, not by grinding between her legs, but by holding her gently and letting her breasts move back and forth against my chest. I knew that Todd's mouth and tongue could soon have my wife climbing the walls. I watched as her willpower crumbled. She tried to cram more of her 39DD into his mouth, while his hand pinched her other exposed nipple. The harder his tongue lashed her nipple, the louder she moaned. When he reversed nipples, I knew she was well on her way to a huge climax. 

"OH god...YES! You're making me cum."

Her climax left her shaking and shuddering as she lay back on the sofa, covering her breasts with her hands. I was stunned. Maybe 1 out of 6 times I could make her cum hard just from directly playing with her tits, and then she had to be super horny. His first time ever tasting her, and he makes her knut so hard that she has to take a break after her first climax. I had never gotten that kind of orgasm out of her till I put tongue to clit.

Todd pressed his advantage, letting his tongue explore her midriff on its way to her centerplace. She squirmed and giggled as he found every sensitive spot on her belly and sides. All the while, he was busy unfastening her skirt and pulling down her panties. Her legs trembled as the cool air hit them. When he finally tasted her pussy, she screamed. 

"Oh! Oh, my god! Todd, that's so good! Fuck me with your tongue baby."

He did just that, bringing her to two more climaxes before he came up for air. By the time he was done, he had her legs wrapped around his head, and she was bouncing off the sofa as she screamed her climax. While she curled up, reveling in her last orgasm, he quickly ditched his own few clothes. Then he knelt between her legs, spread her already wet kitty, and brought her to a third tongue-fucking orgasm. In the aftermath he finally spoke to her.

"Maime, you taste so sweet. I had no idea you were that multiorgasmic."

Maime shivered and whined, "That was so good. Only Nathan has ever made me cum like that."

"Hmm... Let me see if I can do a little better." Those sounded like the words of a confident, experienced player, and another chill went down my back. 

However, before he could do anything more, her hand made contact with his hard cock, and immediately she pulled him to her lips. I noted, as she swallowed his cock, that he wasn't much bigger than I was. He was maybe a little thicker but definitely not longer. My ego surged, telling me that she would handle him and then say, "Thanks, but Nathan does it better." Both my ego and my heart were shattered by what was to come. 


Every Year, Every Christmas



She kept him deep in her mouth, sucking and slurping loudly on his cock. Soon he was moaning and moving to meet her rhythm, making the slurps even louder. He told her how great a cocksucker she was, and that he had never had a better blowjob. His words had a physical impact on her, making her moan as she sucked all the harder. When he came, she didn't miss a drop. Now it was his turn to pant for air.

"Oh goddamn woman that was the best I've ever had. You are a natural born cocksucker."

My wife's expression was one of pride and surprise, "Your cock, it actually tasted - sweet. Once I tasted it, I couldn't let it go."

"Only a true cocksucker can actually taste a man's cock. Maime, you are amazing."

Maime didn't smile or say a word. I could read on her face that guilt was starting to assert itself. The realization of what she had done was beginning to weigh on her mind and heart. Todd obviously sensed it as well, and one hand began to work between her legs.

"Gasp! Todd, please stop."

Todd didn't answer; he just kept playing with her cunt. Then his other hand began to gently squeeze her tits.

"Todd, please? This is wrong. If Nathan were to find out..."

"He won't, and we've both come too far to deny ourselves this pleasure now."

His fingers must have found her G-spot because she suddenly screamed and began flopping on the sofa. Score one more knut for Todd Strem. He kept his fingers inside her until his cock had swollen up again. Then he began to lick her clit, driving her absolutely crazy. This time, however, he stopped short of her orgasm. Maime grabbed his hand trying to put his fingers back inside.

"Shit! Todd, please? Don't leave me like this."

"I'm not, baby. I just want to take you to the next level. You're going to beg me to fuck you."

He pulled her from the sofa to the floor and spread her legs wide. The scream that I heard come from Maime was like nothing I had ever heard before. He paused after he pushed all the way in.

"Yeah, Maime, yeah! You are so tight. Shit! Such a hot, tight bitch."

"Oh ... Ohhh, please. You are so big. I feel you filling me up. Come on. Fuck me Todd!"

"Say what, slut?"

"Please, I'm begging you, Todd. Fuck me! Fuck me hard!"

Todd began to plunge in and out of my wife, rutting and grinding hard when he was in, and then pulling nearly all the way out, only to slide back in again. It was then that I noticed something that rocked my world. The camera angle had changed so it could get a close up of his cock going into my wife's hot cunt. That meant two things - one, there were other cameras in the room; and second, there was a third person watching from somewhere else because no way would she have laid down if a third person were present in the room. Someone else knew of my wife's adultery. Was this then some blackmail scheme? To what end?

Further speculations were cut short by Maime's screams of pleasure. Todd was now slamming his cock deep inside her, and she was moving her hips and ass to meet him. He had my wife thrashing so much that they were actually moving across the carpet. The camera adjusted the angle, keeping the two centered. Her continuous screams told me that she was enjoying this a lot, perhaps way too much. As if on cue, Todd began talking to my wife and staring into her eyes whenever they were open.

"You like this cock? Don't you, Maime? You like the way I fuck, don't you?"

"Ye - ahhh god - yeah. Shit, yeah!"

"You like the way this feels, don't you?"

"Yeeess! AAAAHHH!"

"Never been this good, has it bitch?"

"Shit it's so good, Todd."

"Better than Nathan?"

"AHHH!"

"Does Nathan fuck you this good, slut?"

"AAAHHH shit. Fuck me."

"Does Nathan fuck you like this?"

"No, Ahhh no."

"I didn't think so."

He began a frantic hard stroke that made Maime scream herself hoarse. Thirty minutes later, Maime had her most intense orgasm ever. While she had almost no voice to scream, I could tell by the way her body twitched and spasmed that it was one that I had never seen before. Their fucking had caused them to travel from in front of the sofa clear across the room. I was sure she had carpet burns on her back and arms. Not only was sweat pouring off her, not only was she panting and gasping for breath, but she was crying - not from guilt over what she had done, but from the extreme pleasure she got from it. Todd sat back on the carpet with a huge smile on his face. He watched as my wife still lay curled up in a ball, whimpering and shivering from her last climax. Minutes later she finally caught her breath enough to speak, the hidden mikes barely caught her words.

"Ohhh god. I've never been fucked like that in my life."

"Maime that was the most awesome lovemaking I've ever had. You are exquisite."

"Oh, I still feel you inside me. It's almost electric. I've never felt anything like it."

"Maime, I thought your husband made you feel this way all the time."

"Nathan doesn't even come close to this. Hell, how could he? I never dreamed that I could come that hard, that often. I didn't think it was possible. Just what are you?"

"Just a man who knows how to love a woman. Of course, you know I've got to have you again."

"Shit! I don't think I can go another round with you tonight. I'm totally exhausted. Besides I feel bad enough as it is. I've never cheated on Nathan before."

"You'll get used to it."

"No, I don't want to get used to this. It's like a drug. I love Nathan too much to play on him."

Todd's posture took on a commanding presence.

"Maime, I've wanted you from the moment I saw you. Now that I've had you, I can't let you go. I'm going to keep on having you. I'm going to fuck you the rest of tonight, and you can leave in the morning; but you'll be back. You'll be back, and you'll beg me to fuck you again. Then there won't be any question in your mind as to whose you really are."

The tape went blank and for me so did time. In what seemed like a few minutes I was over at Todd's condo. The door was open so I walked in and slammed it behind me.

"TODD, YOU BASTARD! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!"

The door to his study opened and he casually strolled out, dressed in slacks with a bare chest and his red smoking jacket. The smirk on his face indicated he wasn't at all surprised to see me

"I expected you an hour ago. What'd you do, watch the tape a second time?"

"You mutha-fucking bastard! How dare you seduce my wife!"

"Whoa man, hold on. I just did what comes natural to a playa-man. Your old lady could have walked out at anytime. Instead she chose to stay. Now she's a Ho. My Ho. She just can't get enough. Don't hate me for doing what comes natural, man."

"Just because you think you're some player don't give you the right to mess in other peoples' marriages. Is that why you had me flying all across the country handling your business - so you could fuck my woman?"

"Hey, man, you got paid for your work. Hell, I even shared the bonuses with you."

"Yeah, well let me share something with you. After these remaining contracts are completed, I'm through doing business with you. If I catch you so much as looking in my wife's direction, you'll find out how a playa can become just another victim!"

"Wait, man, hold up. Look, business is business. I used your company because you are the best I've ever seen at what you do. We can make big money together. I'm talkin' multiple millions here. We got a good business arrangement in place. I don't want to lose that, man."

"You should have thought of that before you started bangin' my wife. I don't do business with assholes. My company will make millions without your help. Fuck you and your business. My company and my woman are going elsewhere. Cross my path again at your own risk."

"Look, man, so I fucked your wife. So what? She's an awesome fuck. Don't throw away the dollars over a piece of ass."

I exploded, hitting him flush on the jaw with an overhand right, then backhanding him with the same right hand. He fell to the floor and raised his arms to ward off further blows. He was obviously shocked by my actions and even more surprised to find his bottom lip busted open. His eyes lit up as he saw his own blood on the back of his hand.

"FUCK! Damn! Son of a bitch! Shit! You want out, fine; get the fuck out. Maime, however, is my bitch now. She'll do what ever I tell her. If you think I'm lying, try this on for size. I knew you were coming in early. You probably walked in the house and thought she had sent the kids to the sitters so you and her could have the house all to yourselves. NOT! She never knew you were coming. Wouldn't have made a difference if she did. While you were watching the tape, she was over here bangin' me. She's my ho' now man. Take your business if you want, but your woman is my bitch now and ain't nothin you can do about it. Now get the fuck out."

I started to let my foot finish what my fist had started, but another of his whores came to the door and screamed when she saw him on the floor with me standing over him. I left him with a final warning and walked out.

I pulled into the garage and noted that Maime's car was there and the engine was still warm. My anger surged as I remembered Todd bragging that he was fucking my wife while I was watching the tape. I found Maime sitting on the sofa staring at the blank screen of the television. The tape and note were sitting in front of her on the coffee table.  "Maime?"

She turned a tear-streaked face to me.

"Nathan, I know you're angry, and I'm sorry, baby. There is nothing you can say that will make me feel any worse than I already do. I know you want to scream and yell, but please hear me out. There is something else you need to know."

She paused, collecting herself. Then suddenly, in anger or anguish, she threw the tape and the note into the fireplace where they fell into pieces. When she spoke, there was a detached tone to her voice, like she was on the outside looking in. It was almost spooky. "Damn you, Todd, you fucking bastard! I see now why you told me to hurry home after you fucked me tonight. He knew you were coming in, Nathan. He set all this up. 

"What you saw was the very first time he fucked me four months ago. I told you when we first met him that there was something unsettling about him. I had heard about his dogg ways through the grapevine, but I figured as long as we kept things on a purely professional level everything would be fine. I didn't realize just how smooth and evil he was until it was too late. The elders at the church I grew up in used to say that the devil can quote scripture, too. Todd is every bit the devil and he doesn't care who or what he destroys. 

"At first, he just made polite compliments in your presence. Then it became subtle inferences with you just out of earshot. Next, lighthearted conversations when you weren't around. Finally, our conversations became deep, very deep. I told him things about us and about me that I have never even told my best friend. He used all that to get into my head first; then to get me into bed with him."

"Maime, why didn't you come to me after the first time? I would have kicked his ass then. We don't need his business."

"I know we don't need it now, and I guess we didn't then, but that's not the point. Nathan, you don't understand what he did to me that first night. I love you, Nathan, and I've always loved how you made love to me. Todd, however, is different.  I never knew people like him existed. I've never been taken and fucked like that before in my life. The tape ended, but the night didn't. I stayed with him the whole night, and each time he took me was better than the last.  

"Do you remember what he said at the end of the tape? He said I would come back, and that I would beg him to fuck me. That first night was the third day of your 10-day trip to San Diego. I got home the next morning, and all that day I wrestled with whether or not to call you and confess everything. But all day that day and the next, I couldn't get the feel of him out of my body or my mind. I masturbated till my hands were tired, and I was still hungry for more of what he did to me. To this day I don't know whether his dick is platinum or gold tipped or what. I felt like a total slut. The night of the fifth day I went back to his place, and I did beg him to fuck me again. That night he took my ass too. When I left the next morning, it was just like he said. I had changed. I spent the whole day crying because I now knew what I was and whose I was. By the time you returned, I had been with him 3 more times, including the night before you came home."

"Just what are you saying, Maime? He told me that you were his bitch, but I need to hear the words from you. Are you saying you want to be with him? That you want to be his slut, his sex toy? You want to be his bitch? He don't give a shit about you. He doesn't love you. All you are to him is a piece of ass, a piece of ass to be used till he gets tired of you. Then he'll just throw you away."

The tears began to fall again from her eyes. She stifled a sob and wiped the tears away. She couldn't look me in the eye. She mumbled something that sounded like 'I know,' then shook her head as if trying to refocus on what she wanted to say. No, what she HAD to say.

"Nathan, I love you. I love you with my whole heart. But Todd has totally ... fucked me up, or turned me out, or got me hooked. Choose any or all of the above. Five months ago, I never dreamed that there was anybody that could love me better than you. Todd not only turned me out, he fucked up my whole thought process. He gives me climaxes that I feel the next day. It's like his dick is crack cocaine for the pussy. When I look at you, I still see the man that holds my heart; but ever since that first week I haven't been able to look at you as my lover. For a while I tried to at least go through the motions, but it was no good.  It's like you've become some play brother and not my husband. Didn't it seem strange to you that we haven't made love these last few weeks? Normally I would have been all over you for attention.  Since I started fucking Todd, though, no amount of your loving can satisfy me.

She paused, wrapped her arms around herself, and shivered as if from the cold. She fought to keep from collapsing into a sobbing mess. She wouldn't raise her head to meet my eyes; she just sat there shaking. Finally she managed to look up at me. Her eyes showed the shame and grief of what she was about to say. I felt my strength drain away.

"I let him make a slut out of me and make you worse than impotent. At least if you were impotent that would be an excuse, but you're not. You're as strong and virile as ever, and yet I have no sexual desire for you. I used to hunger for you, but now when I'm with you all I can think about is when can I get with Todd again. I'm like some crackhead. I'm watching everything I say I love slip away, and I can't do anything about it. The worse part of it is, I don't care. I never dreamed I'd ever hear myself say that; but Todd's cock is like a drug to me, and I don't care what I have to do to get it. I wish to god I could tell you different, but I can't. I hate myself for what I've become, what I let him make me do, but right now it doesn't matter. I'm his - his bitch, to do with as he pleases."

Maime collapsed on the sofa in heaving sobs. I needed to hear the words come from her mouth, and I had. However, hearing them come from the lips of the woman I loved left me crushed. During the whole time she spoke, her eyes never wavered from mine. I had no choice but to believe her. My wife was literally a slave to another man's desires and had no intention of changing it. Now I had a decision to make: live with it - ride it out till he got tired of her and kicked her to the curb - or oppose it and be prepared to walk away. Could I walk away from the woman that I loved more than my own life? I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come. As if reading my mind, Maime laid out the choices between her sobs. 

"Nathan, baby, I love you. You have my whole heart. I know you love me, but right now it makes no difference. I can't get enough of Todd, and I'm gonna go back to him again and again. I can't help myself. He's got me so addicted that nothing else matters, not you, not the business, not even the kids.  If you can't handle that, I'll understand and grant you a divorce. I won't contest it or ask for anything, just out. You take the kids and move on with your lives. You deserve that much. But, baby, if you could just hold on and stay with me right now, that would make me the happiest woman on earth. You would anchor my emotional stability while Todd takes care of my sexual needs. Can you love me enough to do that?"

In my mind, I heard the sound of glass breaking as my heart fell in pieces. For what seemed like an eternity I grappled with her words and their meaning. Part of me still couldn't believe this was happening. She just told me that she would be happy if I would stay, but that she wasn't going to give herself to me. She said she loved me, but not enough to stop running to Todd to get fucked. She was willing to throw away our business, our family, and our relationship that was 7 years in the making to run off and be Todd's sex slave. The more her words rang in my head and the vacuum where my heart used to be the more my sadness and grief grew into anger. By the time I found my voice I also knew what my answer would be.

"Maime, do you understand what you just asked me to do? You're asking me to become some punk or a cuckold. If I don't, if I remain a man, then you're going to divorce me? What happened to our wedding vows? What happened to the words we spoke the first night we made love? What happened to 'I only want to have sex with one man?'"

"Don't you think I've asked myself those same questions a thousand times? They don't work anymore! They don't apply here. You want to hear the words from my mouth fine: I threw you, our business, the kids, everything overboard for Todd and what's between his legs. In a way, what I told you that first time we made love still applies. I only want to make love to one man. It just happens to be Todd and not you. It tears me up inside, but that's the truth."

I measured my words to keep my anger from screaming at her and driving things to another level. I grabbed her by her shoulders. She just sat there like a rag doll.

"Maime, you just looked me in my eyes and told me that being Todd's whore means more than your family - more than our kids, more than our marriage, more than our relationship. Now, keep looking at me and tell me how you're going to make the kids understand that their mother loves being another man's whore more than she loves them. Tell me how my staying will help them get past that? Hell, for that matter tell me how my staying will help me? You're saying he meets your sexual needs, and I meet your emotional ones. Well, what about MY sexual needs. If he gets all your body, what do I get? Do I get to go out and find someone to replace you? No? I didn't think so. That would 'upset your emotional stability.' You know that if I found some new pussy and she was even half as good as you, that I would be better off, where I'd be appreciated. What about MY emotional stability? How the fuck can you satisfy my emotional needs when you're all the time gonna be like some junky, following him around, looking to score some cock? If you can look me in the eye and answer those questions, I'll stay. I'll at least make the attempt you won't to keep our marriage together."

The tears still ran freely down Maime's face. For a long moment she stared into my eyes. Then she turned away, as her sobbing shook her whole body. She slid from my grasp to a heap on the carpet. I had my answer.




Every Year, Every Christmas



"Pack your bags, Maime. I want you out by the time the kids get home from school tomorrow."

Now, as I sit at our booth in the restaurant, I wonder if I shouldn't have stayed and played the punk. Just as quickly the thought fades. She cried the whole time. She said she was sorry over and over, but she packed her clothes and personal belongings and left the next morning. The divorce went quickly. Maime asked for nothing but her clothes and jewelry, most of which she had already. Before it was final, we sat down with the kids and I let her explain that daddy and mommy couldn't stay together anymore, but that we both loved them. The kids wanted to go with her, but she told them that she was sick and needed to go away by herself for a while. She made no custody request, so when the judge gave her joint custody I was surprised; but I didn't fight it. However, over the next year, I had to deal with both kids nearly freaking over the fact that, with the exception of a few phone calls, their mother didn't seem to want to see them. I knew why, but I never said a negative word to them about their mother; however, I know their own gossip lines and relatives filled their heads with all sorts of shit. I licked my wounds and cried my tears in the darkness of my bedroom with the door closed and locked. Somehow, we all survived and began to move on. 

In my business, the whole situation taught me to work even smarter. I still held the purse strings to the business, but I had to trust my people to handle most of the fieldwork. I was blessed by the fact that a number of them stepped up to the plate.  I called a meeting of all my employees and told them that for the next 12 months I would be the sole person to sign contracts for the company.  I told/warned them that when we finished the remaining Strem Technology contracts, we would under no circumstances have any further business dealings with Strem Technologies, Inc or its subsidiaries or remaining contractors. I said that those employees who still wanted to do business with them were free to do so on their own, but that that was what they would be - ON THEIR OWN. They got the message. 

I kept tabs on both Todd and Maime. Todd put Maime to work as his personal assistant. Most of her assisting, however, went on behind the closed doors of his office. She became the newest in his harem of office sluts. I also found out about some other parties that he threw for particular clients and special friends, parties where every sexual pleasure was indulged. From what the gossips said, my ex wife was one of the main attractions. After we divorced I found out that he had run a similar game on women in more than a few of the companies he did business with. 

Surprisingly, when I took our company out of the mix it had an unexpected backlash. He brought in another company to replace us but they weren't nearly as efficient or effective. Soon, Strem Technologies started losing business. I found out first-hand because several of his competitors hired my company to redo work that he screwed up. Then, a number of his subcontractors bailed on him. The grapevine said that they saw what I did and decided that they didn't have to take his bullshit either. Suddenly he was scrambling to keep business and a competent work force. Eighteen months after we left, Strem Technologies, Inc. filed for protection under Chapter 11. Six months after that, he was quietly forced by creditors into Chapter 7. 

Part of me hoped Maime would come back, but neither the kids nor I heard a word from her. A number of women have tried to get with me, some of them stone hotties. Several of them my kids loved. In the end, however, it was always the same. I could never lay my whole heart on the table before them because Maime still holds a piece of it.

Well, I've dined sufficiently. I put the picture of us back in my wallet. If by chance she were coming, she would have been here by now. I pay Jenny the waitress and head for the door. I'll sleep alone tonight and be over at my parents early Christmas morning to watch the kids open their gifts. As I stroll leisurely through the park, I hear Luther Vandross on the loudspeakers singing the final refrain of his song:

"My friends gather round me with holiday cheer They say to forget you, to let you go, cause you're not here Well I can't keep explaining what they'll never understand And why I'm here every year, every Christmas I return every year, every Christmas I come here every year, every Christmas."

Epilogue

In the back of the restaurant sit two ladies, both dressed in holiday red and green. One wears a red, broad-rimmed hat, with the brim pulled down to cover most of her face. Her companion stands and anxiously watches as the man in the charcoal grey wool coat secures his scarf and cap and slowly walks into the night. The lady standing is a gorgeous black-hispanic mix with a café-au-lait complexion and long wavy hair that flows down to the small of her back. She stands about 5' 5" without heels and has a 38D-28-37 figure, with an ass that should have a monument built to it. As she slowly turns, watching the man disappear, more than a few heads turn following her body.

Her friend in the hat remains seated and a little tense at the attention her companion is drawing. She looks down at the table as if trying to remain incognito. Finally her companion sits down and frowns at her.

"He was right there, just like last year and the year before that. What's your excuse this year?"

The lady in the hat picks at her salad trying to appear disinterested.

"Excuse for what?"

"What do you mean, excuse for what? He was here; he obviously still loves you, or didn't you hear Luther Vandross. The same song, just like last year. Why didn't you say something? Go to him? Do something!"

"(SIGH) What could I say to him, Trina?"

"That he's not alone? That you have been here every year for the last 3 years? That you love him?"

"He knows that I love him, Trina. He knew that I loved him when I left him. That love didn't stop me from running off after another man. It didn't stop me from walking away from him and my babies into a situation that I knew, going in, was wrong. I don't have the words to wipe away the pain of what I did to him and my kids 4 years ago. I can't just walk up to him and say, "Hi, I'm back. I'm through making a whore of myself, and I'm ready to come back home."

"Maime, nobody said going back would be easy, but there is love there and that's a start."

"Trina, you don't understand. It's not that simple."

"Reconciliation is never simple or easy, but the start is just like any other journey. You just take one step, which you missed again tonight."

"Oh, yeah, take one step. Like the one you tried to take with Randle?"

"You won't make me mad like last year, Maime. I'll never stop trying to get back with him. My situation with my ex-husband is different from yours. When we split, it was like he took our love and shipped it to Antarctica. Plus, there's Rhonda in the mix now."

"Uh huh. You screwed up your relationship chasing behind some other man's cock. At least I didn't flaunt mine in Nathan's face."

"Don't you go there Maime. It was more complicated than that."

"No it wasn't, you got hooked on some other man's dick and got busted - same as me."

"It ain't gonna work this year, Maime. The whole reason you come here every Christmas is because you hope he'll be here. Why put yourself through the trouble if you're not going to do anything?"

"Because I can't! I can't face him. I won't let him sit here alone, but I can't go to him. He deserves better than me."

"He deserves to be loved by the woman who loves him."

Maime finally looks up both anger and grief playing across her face.

"Yes! He deserves to be loved. But can't you see I'm not that woman anymore."

"Oh, so the picture he stared at all through dinner was who - Vanessa del Rio?"

Maime goes into her purse and pulls out a copy of the same picture. She pushes it toward her companion.

"Look at it, Trina. That's the woman he wants. That's the woman he dreams about and grieves over. Look at her, and then look at me. He looks as strong and handsome as ever, but look at me! He told me the night I left that all Todd Strem wanted me for was his play toy. I knew he was right, but I went anyway. He said that once Todd got tired of me he would kick me to the curb, and he was right. I knew it, but I went anyway. What neither Nathan nor I knew was what Todd Strem would take from me before he threw me away. 

"What Todd had was so good it totally blew away my values and common sense. He took my pride and self respect the second time I went back to his place. I saw other women come and go. Most of them only lasted a month to six weeks before they burned out. It took a year before he finally used me up. What Todd left behind was only a shadow of the woman I had been. The woman Nathan came here hoping to see can't come to him. Look at her, then look at me. I had thick, pretty hair back then. It hung down around my shoulders. Now I keep it cut short to try to hide the fact that all the mess and stress Todd put me through caused my hair to start falling out. Where it used to be full and thick, it's thin and brittle now. The woman in that picture wore little to no makeup because she had such a clear complexion and smooth soft skin. Now look at me - all ashy and dry, even after I use lotion. I use a ton of make up now to cover all the dark spots and blemishes. The woman in the picture has a body that would make a blind man do a double take. Look at me now. Both my tits and my ass are sagging.  Hell, I'm even sporting a paunch where she had a flat stomach after 2 babies. Look at that woman's face - it's young and beautiful, vibrant and alive. Now look at me - dried up, drawn up, starting to wrinkle up. Burned up, just like any crackhead on the street. No, Trina, the woman Nathan is pining for isn't here. Just some withered, foolish, old wretch."

"Maime, from what you've told me about him, what you look like won't make a difference. It's your hearts that will make the connection."

"Trina, you weren't there the night he found out. You didn't hear the stupid, ugly things I said to him. You didn't see the hurt in his eyes or watch his heart shatter into a million pieces. You didn't see the man I love make a decision to be a man and move on, when all he wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry. You didn't see or hear me look him dead in the eyes and tell him that he wasn't man enough for me anymore. You didn't hear me tell him that sex with Todd was more important than my family and our 7 years together. I know he loves me, and I know I could go back tonight if I wanted to, and I know he would forgive me, over time. Maybe, over time, even Jr. and Ce Ce would forgive me. But I can't beg their forgiveness until I first forgive myself. Don't you understand? I can't begin to rebuild until I've forgiven myself. The problem, is not him, it's me. Every time I look in the mirror I want to throw up. I hate what Todd made me become, but, God help me, even after all this time I can't say that if he offered to take me back, I'd be able to say no. I cry every night because I know I left Nathan and my babies alone. I know that I can never make that up, never get that time back. Every night I hate myself all over again."

"So you won't go after him?"

"No. He's rebuilt his life and moved on. Maybe one day he'll find someone who can truly mend his heart. When that happens, part of me will die because he won't come back here. He won't have to. However, until then I'll be here, watching over him. I'll be here with Luther, every year, every Christmas."

END