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Eleanor Rigby

By: Harddaysknight



Ellie and I were married 16 years ago. I had spent much of that time waiting for the other shoe to fall, as they say. Ellie had been the prettiest girl I had ever seen. Now she was the most beautiful woman I had ever known. She had been three years behind me in school. She was the homecoming queen, the captain of the basketball team and still held school track records in the 400 and 800 meters.

To say she was popular is like saying that an eagle can fly. It just didn't begin to cover the actual fact. Ellie was a walking wet dream for every male that could draw a breath. The only reason she even knew I existed was that I lived across the street from her, and our parents were friends. That gave me the opportunity to spend time with her from the time she was in grade school.

After high school, I attended a trade school to learn carpentry. I had always been pretty handy, but I wanted to be more than a guy with a hammer. I wanted to know the best way to construct whatever I was going to build. When folks looked at a home I built, I wanted them to be know that it had to be the best.

I started working for myself after I graduated. It was a tough haul for the first few years, but the quality of my work gradually became known. Eventually, I hired a helper and then two. I had work scheduled a year in advance by the time I was 25.

Ellie went to college and earned a degree in accounting. Did I mention that she was almost as smart as she was beautiful? She went to work for a firm that took care of all my taxes and helped manage my business accounts. That was when I finally found the nerve to ask her out.

I'm around six foot tall and still weigh around 185. I never was accused of being a matinee idol. I'm pretty much a regular guy. When Ellie agreed to a date with me, I was quite surprised. I knew she had more suitors than Carter has liver pills. I warned myself that she would go out with me once or twice and then move on. I never did figure out why she kept going out with me and eventually agreed to marry me. I did know I was the luckiest guy on the planet, except for one thing.

I was always waiting for that other shoe to fall. She was beautiful, intelligent, athletic, and very personable. How long would it take for her to realize that she could do better than being with me? Even after she gave me the two most wonderful girls ever born, I still feared that it couldn't last. Jen and Audrey were the perfect daughters, at least in my book. 

I did the only thing I could think to do, and that was be the best husband and father I could possibly be. I wasn't a pretty boy and I wasn't a rich guy, but I was dedicated to my family and I hoped my efforts would ward off the forces of evil; the inevitable day when Ellie realized she could do better, and resent me for keeping her from her destiny.

I was in the basement on a Sunday morning, working on finishing an entertainment room that the girls could use when their friends came over. We had a laundry chute that went from a large closet off the kitchen down to the basement. It carried any sounds that emanated from the kitchen area quite clearly to the basement.

I heard the doorbell ring and Ellie answer it. The voices were muffled at first, but as they approached the kitchen, I was able to make them out clearly. Our visitor was Helen Drake, Ellie's best friend.

"I can't stay too long, Ellie. I just had to stop in and ask you if you had heard the news. Do you know who moved back to town?" asked Helen.

"O. J. Simpson?" guessed Ellie. "Elvis? Jimmy Hoffa? Bigfoot? Osama Bin Laden? You will let me know if I am getting close, won't you?"

"Now I don't feel like telling you!" laughed Helen. "Your guesses were all pretty good, but wrong. Do you remember Dan Wilkins?"

"I have heard the name, but I can't remember where," answered Ellie. "I am sure you will help my memory."

"Right! You don't remember where you heard that name?" Helen repeated. "Weren't you yelling it the night you lost your cherry? Didn't you date him for the last two years of high school?"

"Now that you mention it, you could be right," chuckled Ellie. "Was he just over six feet tall with blue eyes and the sexiest smile ever seen on a man? Was he the quarterback on the football team? Did he pitch the baseball team to the state title?"

"I think you have the guy," agreed Helen. "I thought I would be able to jog your memory. He is divorced from that rich bitch he married and has moved back to Westbury to open a law practice. I heard that his hairline has receded a tad, but he still looks pretty good!"

"I'm not surprised he got divorced," replied Ellie. "He always had an eye for the ladies. He was the sports star with the great looks. Women were always flocking to him."

"As I recall, you were flocked a few times yourself, Ellie," laughed Helen. "Does Ted know about you and Dan? How will he take having Dan back in town?"

"He knows that Dan and I dated for a couple years. He knows I wasn't a virgin when he and I started dating after college. We never really asked each other about old flames," admitted Ellie. "It's better to let some things go unmentioned. We don't lie to each other, but we never have asked each other very many questions about the past."

"I wish Stan was like that. He hasn't stopped asking me about old boyfriends since we've been married," complained Helen. "Sometimes he seems jealous and other times he seems to get turned on when I tell him stuff. Now and then I wonder if he is one of those weird guys that wants to watch or something."

"I don't think he'd watch very long before he dug out one of his guns, Helen," Ellie cautioned. "Don't mistake a little curiosity and titillation for wanting you to have a boyfriend. I know Stan and he is from the old school. Shit would hit the fan, big time, if you ever tried it."

"How about you, Ellie?" Helen redirected the conversation. "What happens when you come face to face with Dan? How will you act? Will you hug him, shake his hand, pretend you don't know him, or go to bed with him?"

"I think I would either shake his hand or give him a hug. I haven't seen the guy in almost twenty years. He may not be too impressed with how I've changed over the years," suggested Ellie.

"Yes, you could be right about that," Helen replied sarcastically. "You've gone up a bra size, kept the same size waist, haven't developed a single wrinkle, and your tits still defy gravity! Dan will be so glad he didn't marry you." 

That was the last I heard of the conversation as the two women were apparently walking to the front door. I sat down and contemplated what I had heard. I knew Ellie wasn't a virgin when we began dating, and I even suspected that Dan Wilkins was the lucky fellow that had claimed that prize. Now I knew it to be fact and that troubled me for some reason. I was happier not knowing for certain about the men she had slept with.

I also realized that my fear now had a face and a name. Rumor had it that Dan Wilkins was a high-powered corporate lawyer. He had married into a prominent family in Rhode Island and was the poster boy for the "local boy moves on to much bigger and better things" small town propaganda machine. He had become a bit of a local celebrity by doing well and staying away from his roots.

Now he was returning to Westbury to open a law practice. Combine that with being single again and I knew my Waterloo was approaching. I had never been an athlete or a scholar. They never gave out many awards for hard work. It isn't eye catching or even popular. Even though I had always expected something like this to happen, I had no plan to prevent it. Dan was everything I wasn't. You can't change human nature. In the end, I decided to do the only thing I knew, and that was to redouble my effort to be the best husband and father I could. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was all I could come up with. 

A short while later, I went upstairs for a soda. Ellie was working in the kitchen. 

"Did I hear someone talking with you earlier?" I asked. 

"Helen stopped in to chat for a few minutes," admitted Ellie. "She didn't stay long."

There was no mention of the arrival of the studly Dan Wilkins to our town. I considered that omission as I went back to work in the basement. It was big news to Helen and Ellie, yet she never bothered telling me. She wasn't comfortable discussing her first lover, or his return. I had a bad feeling about the guy.

The next couple of weeks were uneventful. I spent every chance I had being a caring dad to my girls and husband to Ellie. I think she wondered about my attentive behavior, but never voiced any suspicions. I worked really hard at being a great lover for her. I made sure she would have a couple orgasms before I even considered finishing. I took her to dinner and took her shopping. If things went south, I wanted to be able to tell myself I had done my best.

Then things began to unravel. Ellie was the chairperson for the local hospital auxiliary. They held events to raise funds for equipment needed to keep our hospital state-of-the-art. She held the position for a few years and did a great job with it. The auxiliary had several fundraisers throughout the year. It was the standard practice to get a local businessman to co-chair an event.

Somehow, I wasn't surprised when Ellie told me that the auxiliary had asked Dan Wilkins to co-chair Casino Night, which was held every spring. I was even less surprised to find out that he had agreed. He would be working closely with Ellie for a few weeks as they put the event together.

I struggled to hide my fear and depression. I debated whether I should make a stand, or try to pretend it was no big deal. I was wracked with indecision, so I said nothing to Ellie. Then one night, before dinner, it came to a head.

"Ted, you have been very quiet lately," observed Ellie. "Are you feeling okay? Is there anything wrong at work? Is there something you want to tell me?"

She was like that. I never could hide much of anything from Ellie. She seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

"I am just a little depressed about the upcoming fundraiser you will be working on," I answered. "You get so busy that I hardly see you for weeks. It would be nice if someone else did it this time. You have done way more than your share for the auxiliary."

"I always thought you were proud of my work for the hospital," replied Ellie. "Do you want me to resign, Ted? If you say the word, I will quit tomorrow."

"It's not that I want you to quit," I faltered. "It's just that you do so much and the girls and I don't see much of you for a month or more. Couldn't you let someone else chair this event?"

"Is it this event that worries you, Ted?" asked Ellie. "Or does it have something to do with Dan Wilkins working with me on this event?"

"I'm just trying to tell you that I like to have you home with me. I know he's an important lawyer and a big success. He was the star jock and the big Romeo, and probably still is," I continued. "He's single and good with the ladies from what I hear. I would like it better if you weren't around him."

I said the very thing I had promised myself I wouldn't say! I admitted I was worried about that damn guy.

"Ted! You are afraid I will take up with Dan, aren't you?" gasped Ellie. "That was a long time ago, Ted! I am your wife now. We have two daughters together. I am not going to switch horses in midstream."

Somehow, that didn't allay my fears! Ellie seemed to be saying she was stuck with me and would make the best of the hand she was dealt. I felt like I was the goddamn joker in the deck and she had drawn me. The next step was the discard pile.

I felt anger and fear as my face flushed and my hands clenched. I turned around and left the room before I said something even dumber, or started bawling like a baby. I was just beginning to realize how much the situation worried me. I decided to hop in my pickup and go for a ride. That always helped me relax and think things through. As I was climbing into the truck I heard Ellie calling to me, but I pretended I didn't. I drove down the road.  

I was back in half an hour. I knew that if I didn't show for dinner, the girls would be worried. There was no reason for my insecurities to affect them.

Dinner was a little strained, but the girls were chatting so much that they didn't seem to notice how quiet Ellie and I were. We cleaned up and watched TV for an hour. Then the girls went to their rooms to do their homework.

"Ted, would you tell me what you want me to do about this fundraiser?" Ellie quietly asked as she slid closer to me. "I don't have any problem working with Dan, but if it bothers you, I will drop out, or get him to resign or something."

"Sweetheart, I hate being such a jerk, but he worries me. He worries me a lot. I know you dated him for a couple years and you two were close. I know you are a wonderful wife and mother," I added. "The problem is that he is better looking, better off financially, cooler with the ladies, in fact, he has me beat hands down in everything. You are so beautiful, Ellie, that you can have any man you want. You'll want something better than a guy like me, and who can blame you?"

She just stared at me like I had grown a frog on my nose. I was uncomfortable telling her my fears and I was worried how she would react.

"Ted Rigby!" she admonished. "How can you even say something like that? I can't believe you could think that was true."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just kept quiet. My thoughts were all jumbled up and I didn't know what to think.

"You must be the dumbest, blindest man on the whole planet!" she continued. "There isn't a woman that knows you that wouldn't trade places with me in a heartbeat. You are handsome, strong, kind, hard working, and a devoted husband and father. The girls adore you, and quite honestly, so do I. I bet our finances surpass Dan's by double, and that is mostly because you are such a good carpenter and I am your business manager. You are too soft to be real good in the business end, but that is a good thing, Ted. You are kind and sensitive to people and their problems."

"I never dreamed you thought I could ever leave you for another man!" Ellie admitted. "To be honest, I am the one that should be worried. I hit the mother-lode when I got you."

I just pulled Ellie to me and hugged her till my eyes dried. She said all the things I needed to hear. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders.

"I am so sorry for being such a jerk," I finally managed. "You do what you have to for the fundraiser. I will be fine with it."

We went to bed early and stayed up late that night! I felt like a teen again and I couldn't get enough of Ellie. I did everything a man could do to please a woman and a few things never before considered by civilized man. She slept in my arms and I felt great.

Have you ever noticed that the words you share at night and believe with your entire heart and soul begin to sound a little empty in the light of day? I had opened the door and could have gotten Ellie to remove herself from the damn fundraiser, but she got all romantic and dished out compliments until my head was turned. The nagging doubts were back the next day. You can't live with a feeling for 16 years and have it explained away in five minutes.

Over the next couple weeks, Ellie was gone to meetings quite often. The girls and I had gone through it before, but it had never been so painful to me. The idea of her with that slick Wilkins irritated me no end. I really tried to act normal, but I knew Ellie was picking up on my insecurities. Our conversations became slightly strained. She was working hard and was not getting enough rest. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks. We were stressed to the max. 

I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but it seemed as though she spent more time on this fundraiser than any of the preceding ones. I caught her talking quietly on the phone a few times. To a man already paranoid, these were all bad signals. Our sex life disappeared. I just tried to hang on till Casino Night was in the rear view mirror. 

The afternoon before the big fundraiser I had promised to pick up Ellie at the community center where she and her committee were decorating and doing last minute preparations. First, I was supposed to pick the girls up after track practice and swing by to get Ellie. She had gone with Helen that morning. They had to shop for a few last minute items for door prizes.

The girls called me to tell me that practice had been called off. It had been raining hard since the previous night. Because of the rain and the melting snow pack, flood warnings had been posted. With track practice canceled, I was over an hour early at the community center to pick up Ellie. 

I told the girls to wait in the car while I went in to see if their mother was ready to leave, or if I should return later to pick her up. I entered the main reception room and ran into Helen.

"Can you tell me where Ellie is?" I asked. "I'm a little early and I want to tell her I can come back later if she wants."

"I haven't seen her lately, but she is probably in the office getting all the games and tickets ready, Ted," responded Helen. "Want me to look for her?"

I told Helen I would just go find her myself and she should continue with her decorating. I went to the office and tried the door gently. It was locked! That was enough to take my insecurities to the next level. Why would they lock anyone out?

I quickly surveyed the door. It was one of those cheap pre-hung doors. I refused to use them in the homes I built. I knew they were not made to withstand any sort of heavy impact. I backed up a few steps and smashed the door with my shoulder. The jamb gave easily and the door flew open.

I saw Dan Wilkins for the first time since he had returned to Westbury. He had Ellie bent over a desk and had his cock buried to the hilt in her pussy.

"Ted!" gasped Ellie.

I didn't wait for another word. I turned around stalked across the main room. I could barely see where I was going. My hands were shaking and my stomach hurt. All I could think of was getting as far away as fast as I could. I sensed that distance would somehow lessen the pain. Helen started to say something as I went by her, but the look on my face silenced her. She turned to look toward the office as I passed her.

When the girls asked if their mother was coming with us, I was barely able to croak a negative reply as I started the car and drove away in the rain. The weather was perfect for my mood. As we approached our street, I noticed the stream was boiling over the top of the small bridge that spanned it. Always a cautious man, even in the throes of depression unlike any I had ever known; I stopped the car to check the situation first hand. To my surprise, and horror, I realized the bridge was actually gone! I almost drove into the raging stream with my two girls. My knees started shaking as I realized how close I had come to extreme danger and possibly death.

I trudged back through the rain to the car and turned it around. I was torn between blocking the road so no one drove into the stream, and getting home with the girls. I had seen a police car by a flooded intersection a half-mile back and decided to report the situation to him. Then I would circle around to another road that didn't have to cross the stream. The cop could get someone to put up a barricade.   

As I drove, I realized I was extremely hurt and disappointed, but not surprised by Ellie's betrayal. By expecting it for so many years, I may have created the very problem I feared. It always worked that way in the old "Outer Limits" and "Twilight Zone" shows. Now I was the guy wondering if it was all a dream, or perhaps a nightmare. 


Eleanor Rigby



I'm sure that by now many have heard of Eileen Nearne, an eighty-nine year old woman who died alone in her flat in southwest England on September 2, 2010. With no known friends or relatives, the town of Torquay entered Miss. Nearne's tiny flat to search for records of someone to notify of the impending funeral.

No living relative or friend was found; her only sibling Jacqueline had died in 1982 and Miss. Nearne had been alone ever since. Yet what the authorities did turn up was an astounding historical treasure of medals and papers that revealed her to be a World War ll heroine with the code-name of Agent Rose. Eileen Nearne had defied the Nazis in occupied France as a wireless operator.

The English press ran with this story, calling Miss. Nearne, Eleanor Rigby as in the Beatles song of the same name. Saying she was to be buried along with her name, many papers ran a large photo of Nearne as a young woman in a racy black beret. Her posthumous skyrocket to fame has now changed all that. 'In her life, only her humility was larger than her courage and now her life should be sung about as much as the Beatles' Eleanor Rigby,' said the London Times in an editorial.

As part of the super secret Special Operations Executive (SOE), Eileen flew into France in 1944 to work undercover in helping to organize and coordinate a resistance fighter's network. As a child, Eileen had lived in France with her parents and her perfect French help to fool the Gestapo into thinking her a native when they first arrested her. She was released only to be re-aressted weeks later and eventually sent to a forced labor camp in Silesia. She escaped in 1945 only to be caught again but through perseverance she escaped one last time. 

After the war, she and her sister who was also in the SOE were awarded the Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE). Eileen, who lived alone after her sister's death, never spoke to anyone of her wartime heroics. Eileen Nearne, truly a secret agent until after her death, now deserves some accolades and John Pentreath of the Royal British Legion has plans to do so at her funeral. A fitting tribute is all anyone can do for Miss. Nearne now but she deserves that at least and thankfully, at her funeral she will receive the honor and respect she deserves. The Legion, an organization dedicated to the welfare and memory of members and veterans of the British armed forces, has taken over the planning of her services and the country will have one last chance to thank Miss Nearne for her service above and beyond the call of duty to her country.

Eileen Nearne makes a person wonder how many more of our parents and grandparent's generation have left us with their contributions to ending a deadly war going unsung. They have lived the remainder of their lives un-praised and unknown. Although these heroes do not seek adulation, many of us feel their story should be told. Theirs is not the history of kings and generals but of the foot soldier, the takers of the hill and the grunt in the trenches. As an example, just a short time ago a man found out his father was responsible for preventing emperor Hirohito of Japan from committing suicide at the end of the war. The man rushed in just as the emperor was raising a gun to his head and at great peril to his own life got the weapon away from the emperor, saving him for the trial he deserved. The soldier never told his family anything about his days of serving his country and always refused to talk about it. It was only after the Pentagon released papers that contained his father's story did he learn what a hero his father had been. After his father confirmed that he indeed was the man named in the story, the son asked why he never told anyone about it and he merely said that he was just doing his job.

Just as we are now seeing the last veterans of World War l dying out, before too long there will be no one left who was there, who saw World War ll in real time. No one left to say they saw Auschwitz and it was real, not propaganda. No one to say they somehow survived the D-Day landings as their comrades in arms fell at their feet. Sure, this was the first war caught on film and that has helped a great deal in trying to understand what our parents and grandparents went through. However, when told in the first person you get the feeling and a reality that doesn't show up on film.

In closing I urge those of you who have family left who went through that great war, try to get them to open up to you, and talk of their experiences. I know my father made light of his contribution as a cadet in the Army Air Core. I knew he flew missions almost daily from somewhere in England to drop bombs in Germany. He talked of how the Germans were out of fuel and ammo and all was a free ride, except for the rockets they would send up after them. He did admit he was on the last plane out of England and so he stayed until the very end. It was only after he was gone and while going through his things where I found a box full of medals and ribbons did I learn it wasn't as easy as he led on. We know they didn't all win medals and ribbons but they all were heroes and they all deserve recognition.   



Eleanor Rigby: Choices and Consequences



The following sequel to the story "Eleanor Rigby" posted by 'Harddaysknight' is submitted with full permission and encouragement of the author of the original story.

Any readers unfamiliar with the original work should read that story first before continuing. 

(There is little to no sex in this story.)  

No part of this story may be published at any other site without the express permission of the author. © October 2005



*

"Ultimately, we are each responsible for our actions. You knowingly, willingly, even eagerly, jumped into Dan Wilkins' arms and bed. It was no accident. I tried to convince you not to take up with him, but you did anyway." 

"Ted! I was wrong! I know that now. He means nothing to me. Please believe me when I tell you that I love only you!" pleaded Ellie. "I haven't seen him since that day. I will do anything to make this up to you!"

"That is good to hear, Ellie," I replied as I reached into my briefcase. "I have come to realize that you are not too good for me. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Just sign these divorce papers for me and I won't ask you for another thing." 

(Last three paragraphs of Eleanor Rigby by Harddaysknight)

Eleanor Rigby - Choices and Consequences 

Ellie looked like she would faint then got up and ran to the bathroom I listened as she lost her breakfast. It took a few moments but she came back and knelt next to me. Looking at her I was taken aback at how broken and humiliated she appeared. 

The emotions boiled up out of her and she sobbed uncontrollably, shaking her head she managed to blubber out. "Oh god please no Ted, please I made the most horrible mistake of my life. Please don't do this. We have 16 wonderful years together I know you love me. I wasn't showing you the love I truly have for you when I went to him. I thought I could control myself... that he was only in my past. Only when you found us having sex did I realize how obsessed I still was with him."

She let out a long low wail as she said, "Please!! Don't do this I beg you, I am so sorry let me make this up to you, please. I love you so much." Then she deteriorated into a blubbering heap.

Putting the divorce papers away I stood and said, "We will see how things work out Ellie. It would be better if you moved into the spare bedroom." I stood and went to the front door, then taking a deep breath I opened it and walked out. 

After meeting with my crew I was pleasantly surprised to find out that we were ahead of schedule and the city inspector had already passed our current work at two different job sites. 

I gave my foreman my cell number and headed to the doctor's for a check up. Then I traveled across town to meet with a counselor that my lawyer had set me up with. Our first session was a fact finding affair and I told Dr. Carolyn Jones even though I am still leaning heavily towards divorce I won't rule out anything. She even suggested joint counseling in a few weeks. I told her I would consider it.

I was amazed at how good I felt when I left her office and headed out to lunch to meet with my Private Detective. I was building a great case against Mr. Dan Wilkins and I intended to cause a great deal of pain for the asshole.

The tension in the house was horrible for the next week and Jen and Audrey noticed it too. About 10 days after I got home the four of us were at the dinner table, Ellie was just pushing her food around on her plate. Audrey finally said, "Ok what's with you guys. First why did mom move into the spare bedroom? Secondly why is there this feeling of impending doom hanging over the family?"

Looking up from my plate I caught Ellie's gaze, "You want to answer that or do I."

The fear and utter humiliation showed in her eyes but so did her love for me. The same love that had she been holding it close to her heart, she would never have been in the situation before her. Ellie took a deep breath then slowly let it out then replied, "I'll talk to them Ted. Do you want to be present when I do?"

Shaking my head no, I stood up; I wasn't all that hungry anyway and left the table for the computer room to get my e-mail. Over the next hour I heard all three girls crying and early on I heard my daughter Jen yell out "Mother! How could you?" 

Sometime later Jen and Audrey came in to see me. Jen's sweet voice filled the room, "Daddy can we come in and talk to you." I could hear the tears in her voice.

"Yeah babies, come on in."

Both girls buried their faces in my shoulder one on each side of me and cried. Soon I joined them in the waterworks. When we all calmed down one of them kneeling on either side of my chair Jen looked into my face. "Daddy I know you're mad and so angry at Mom, but please look at your options before you divorce her."

"I will baby, but it's more than anger its total loss of trust, and the realization of my worst nightmare that she would leave me for someone who has more. Better looking, money, prestige, I can't fight against that."

Audrey replied, "That's stupid Daddy, mommy loves you and knows this was the worst possible thing that she could ever do. But she loves and wants you. Are you going to go to a counselor? My Advisor in school says it helps people a lot."

I marveled at how grown up the kids were and I knew they didn't give their mom any squirm room. Ellie had betrayed us all and I knew the girls were hurting right now, but needed to know I was alright and they focused on me not themselves.

"First off, yes I started seeing a counselor today. Secondly if you want I'll get you set up for time with her also. I still love mommy but I don't know if I can forgive her enough to and try to rebuild what we had before her little tryst."

I didn't feel it was right to let my kids deal with my pain so I just allowed them to talk back and forth and I answered a multitude of abstract questions they came up with. When they were talked out I kissed them both and sent them to bed. 

A few minutes later Ellie knocked on the door, "Do you need anything else, I am drained and need to go sleep." 

I looked up at Ellie she looked bad, probably worse than at anytime I had ever seen her in my life. I nodded, "Yes but it can wait until tomorrow." 

Ellie looked at me and blubbered, "Please, please don't divorce me let me win back your love and trust, win back your pride in this foolish woman. I do love you more than life itself. I know you're hurt and angry right now but please wait for a while and see if we can work through my foolishness."

Her eyes were so full of fear I knew I felt so many things for her at this moment. Love, disgust, heartbreak, fear of her loss, concern for the kids, every conceivable emotion that could be imagined was running wild inside my head. But through it all I was not fully convinced that throwing her away was the best thing. I was damn close to that decision but not absolutely. 

I spoke slowly and with great determination, "I am leaving my options open and will do nothing for the next few days or weeks. All I can say is I am not going to do anything foolish for or against you, wife." I emphasized 'wife' and let it sink in. I wasn't talking to her as a lover or a friend but as the empty hollow shell of a person I felt she had become when she stooped to bedding that asshole.

Ellie's eyes fell to the floor and she answered, "Thank you Ted that gives me a little bit of hope. Good night." Turning away she quietly went to her bedroom leaving me with a tidal wave of emotional backlash to deal with.

The following morning I was up early sitting at the table drinking my coffee as the girls came rushing down to grab breakfast and get out the door for school. I made some phone calls and went into the living room to apply some heat to my arm while relaxing in my recliner.

Ellie came down and poured herself a cup of coffee; she came in and sat on the couch. "Ted you said last night that there was something you needed. What can I do for you?" There was a strange mixture of hope and fear in her vocal response, her voice raised and quavering dropping off to almost a whisper. She was hopeful I would reconsider our marriage and give her a chance. But scared at what I said I was considering, and with good reason.

"Ellie, although the raw pain is ebbing I am still not decided on what to do. I know your confession to the girls was hard for you to do. Thank you for telling them the truth."

Ellie nodded and replied, "You're welcome!"

I waited to see if she wanted to say more and when she didn't continue I did. "There are a few more confessions that need to be done in the next few weeks. Your Mom and Dad and my parents are two of them. I also am demanding that you and Helen break all ties."

Ellie looked at me with a questioning stare. "I don't understand Ted, Helen is my oldest and dearest friend, I've known her since we were four or five. She hasn't done anything in this mess I've created."

The slight grin on Ted's face was definitely his sarcastic flip; Ellie knew his anger was building so she lowered her eyes to the floor hoping not to incite his temper any more.

Ted just looked at her until she met his eyes, "I warned you on at least two occasions that you being around Wilkins had me bothered. You told me I was being silly, even admonished me." Ellie winched at how complete her betrayal had been.

Trying to gently defend herself she calmly replied, "Ted I believe I told you if you say the word I would resign."

Ted held up his hand, "So now this is my fault? What you did leading up to and at the fundraiser would just have been postponed not stopped. You moved the line Ellie and that brings me back to Helen. Your best friend isn't supposed to come into your home and tease and taunt you with the 'forbidden fruit" of a past lover. The guy who claimed your cherry and to whom you ran back to and moaned with many times afterwards."

Ellie blanched at the realization of how much Ted knew and how deep her attachment to Dan Wilkins had been, and in some ways still was. Only now could Ellie see how deep her betrayal had driven the knife into the heart of the man she truly loved.

Ted continued, "I will not have that woman come into my house and all but purposely tempt and taunt you about your past with him. I can't imagine that you just blew it off. She planted a seed and it grew... quickly. Don't think for a moment I blame her for your horrific choices and actions. You alone went against our marriage. You choose to go to him and his bed, no one forced you. But she pushed that seed when she didn't have any reason to, 

I know from listening to my sisters and other women that girls seldom forget and will usually hold a soft spot in their hearts for the guy that claimed them first. As long as it's a pleasant memory and obviously yours with him was. There is something you long for with him or something he does better or at least is better at.

Anyway, I don't want you around her at all, even on the phone. She all but egged you on, I don't trust you much right now, but I don't trust her at all. Why couldn't she say are you going to be all right with him in town. Maybe suggest you can put me on the board so there would be no way the two of you could be alone. But no, she all but puts you in the mind set to get with him.

Funny how you forgot to talk to me about all of this when she came over," His voice dripping with sarcasm covering a deep hidden pain.

Ellie's mouth was suddenly very dry as more of her betrayal came to light, "I'm so sorry Ted, please tell me how to make this up to you, to make it better."

"Sure how many times do you need to gargle or douche with Holy water before you're going to be back to how you were when I married you? I can't help wondering now how many others were there; you seemed to jump at this chance."

Clearing her throat she replied, "Ted there was never anyone else, I have been faithful to you up until two weeks before you caught us. I was positive I was completely over Dan and thought I could control the situation - I am an adult now. I was wrong; he blew past all my defenses. It was as if we were in high school again. 

I felt like I was young and beautiful and desired... then suddenly you were there and the fabric of my dream tore through. I have never felt more humiliated in my life and I knew that when you turned away you had spared Dan a beating and probably spared his life.

I know our sex life had dropped off before that, but I was so confused and constantly at war with myself. Neither of you were getting anything. He was pressing and you were so loving, but I could feel the tension and you were getting very pointed in your disgust. You never said anything but you don't live with someone for 16 years and not know them. I suppose that's why you knew something was wrong. 

Dan and I were talking alone a lot while working on the fundraiser and we were going out to old haunts after we were done with work. That's why I was so late some nights. He was always talking about how it used to be and how proud he was to be with me, I was lapping it up. I even let him kiss me a lot after the fourth or fifth week. 

I finally gave in a week before the Casino Night. That Friday I gave everyone else off as we prepared to push towards the next weekend. Only Helen, Dan and I were in the building and Dan soon had me cornered in the office. I let him have me twice that night on the big over stuffed couch in that office and Helen only smiled at me when I came out smelling like sex and disheveled. Just like she had the nights when Dan and I would have sex in high school, Helen knew then too - like she and I were sharing deep secrets and we both knew it. 

I gave my self to him on Sunday again at his place, twice and then the Thursday night you caught us was the last time. He was so pissed that you had interrupted us. I was frantic when I saw you I didn't let him finish, bucking him off and out of me and he wasn't happy. 

It was when I saw the look on your face that everything became crystal clear. One moment in time and the terrible betrayal I had allowed to happen, not that I had purposefully tried to get it to happen. My mind was spinning I was screaming at Dan who was trying to get me calmed down. 

Helen came running in as I was pulling up my pants and panties. Dan was still standing there with his pants around his ankles his stiff cock pointing in whatever direction he faced. He asked me "Since hubby already knows let me finish at least." Then I slapped him across the face and on his cock and said get dressed I need to go after my husband you ass. You're lucky Ted didn't just kill either of us, you didn't see his face unlike my dad if he had attacked he wouldn't have stopped.

You could see no one had ever talked or done that to him before. Dan suddenly began to dress and we hurried out to his car. As we walked along Helen, who had a shocked look on her face was with us she asked me, "What were you doing?"

I remember snapping back "What do you think?"

Helen stood by me the whole time Ted even when I was so inconsolable the first two days."

Ellie fell silent.

Ted looked at his wife she seemed genuinely broken, "First choice Ellie, Helen or me."

"That isn't fair Ted... "

"Neither is what you did to me. Ellie I have no trust in nor desire towards you right now." His voice sounded like the out like the blast of a cannon, all his fears, anxieties, insecurities and helplessness in this situation were contained in that outburst. Then taking a moment to calm himself down he continued. "I used to think of you a many times every day and think about making love to you. How you touched and pleased me, how I did the same to you. Now when I think of you all I see is him buried inside of you taking what you had freely promised to only me. Now I get sick thinking about touching you all I can see is the two of you." His voice trailed off the pain evident in his words.

Ellie blinked then stared intently at her husband she thought, 'Oh god what have I done? My blatant acts of over the top selfishness and betrayal have gutted my life and the lives of my family and friends for a long time to come.' Choosing her words carefully she replied, "If that is what it takes to get a second change with you, then despite what I would like I agree to your terms."

Ted had a hardened angry scowl on his face as he retorted, "Make sure you know all my demands before you agree." He snarled at her.

Ellie moved back at the sudden show of the anger that she now was convinced was just under the surface of her husbands uncertain demeanor. "What other demands Ted?"

Ted sat back and replied, "You will go to Wilkins's office and make a full confession to the HR department accusing him of a moral breach of conduct. You may use Helen as a reference to the circumstances."

Ellie sat back in her chair her pain obvious as she shook her head, "I don't know if I can do that Ted. It means telling some stranger I was a slut." Tears began to roll down her cheeks again.

Ted was silent as he watched Ellie, he contemplated his next action, 'Come on Ellie I am giving you the chance, don't crush all my hope and force my hand right now.' He watched for long moments and finally said, "You don't have to worry about friends and strangers thinking you are a slut, your boyfriend Dan, is already talking about you to his friends and associates, many of whom have never met you."

Taking a piece of paper off of the table in front of him Ted read the names of over twenty people to whom Dan had already bragged to about his little tryst with Ellie. At least my Private Investigators are getting stories to that effect already, from a number of sources. 

Ellie stared at her husband with horror, "Why would he do that?" The color drained out of her face at the revelation.

"That's the kind of guy your ex-boyfriend and new lover is, wife. It's all about him. I'll bet he never told you he was divorced and run out of town because he couldn't keep his hands off his associate's daughters." Ted let that news sink in before he continued, "At least two of the kids were borderline on legal age. His wife took that a bit negatively. That is only the public knowledge the Private Detective's I've hired have turned up."

Ellie shook her head. The shock of Ted's revelation about Dan was almost too unbelievable for her mind to fathom. But Ted had no reason to lie; she had done enough of that for both of them.

Ellie looked at her hands, "He said he and his wife just grew apart. He said he hadn't been unfaithful even though many people here in town thought that way. Oh Ted I'm so sorry, I let him lead me down a primrose path."

Ted's face didn't show any hint of satisfaction; there was none. What his P.I. had uncovered told him the story but it didn't make the situation any better. "Ellie I am ashamed of you here. He says he had never cheated and he wants you to cheat. Big contradiction don't you think? By the way I am sure you ate up his line of him being so sorry he dumped you after high school. That only after his now failed marriage did he realize you should have been his life mate or some such bull shit."

Ellie looked at Ted and gasped, her husband had just repeated almost word for word what Dan had kept telling her for the month leading up to the first time she cheated. "How did you know he said that to me?" Her face registered the shock of Ted discovery.

Ted answered without emotion, "It's the same line he used on at least three other of your classmates he has been actively seeing since returning here. They All three have been contacted and two were kept from repeating your problem, one already had given in." 

Shaking his head Ted continued, "You weren't even special enough to be his only affair. You were only the flavor of the week."




Eleanor Rigby: Choices and Consequences



Ellie became ill at that news and ran to the bathroom, loosing what little bit of last night's dinner she had eaten into the toilet. Ted followed behind and made two cold compresses out of rags to help Ellie recover. Laying one on her neck he gently wiped her face and rinsed the rag then remade the compress for her head when she sat up.

She sat with her back against the tub, "How can you stand the sight of me, or even touch me. I've been a whore for an egocentric ass, all because of what used to be."

Ted looked down at Ellie and squatted to look her eyes to eye, "I can look at you or touch you because deep inside under all the pain I still love you." Turning his head to the side Ellie saw a few tears trickle down his handsome cheek. Before she could say anything Ted looked back at her and continued, "What did you mean you did all of this with Dan because of what used to be?"

Ellie replied, "When Dan and I first met at the first fundraiser event, we both discussed the present. His recent divorce, his new job what's it was like to move back to his home town. I was always talking about you and the girls and of course my charitable events, so the present held no bonds. Yes he was still good looking, but so are you."

Taking in a deep breath she continued, "But starting with the next meeting he began to revisit the past. The past when I was younger and had life ahead of me, when being the focus of all the guys fantasies and all the girls fears. Oh, I didn't let anyone know I liked that, but my ego loved it. You were still my buddy who lived across the street. I wanted to remember some of that, some of those things we all give up as we get older. The things of your youth the endless flirting and the feelings of being sought after, learning about life and love and heartbreak, but it was just that, a fond memory. I didn't think anything of it as I knew as an adult woman I could handle Mr. Wilkins.

Then he started calling first once then twice; up to three times a day. Every call was about the fundraiser, then it would quickly deteriorate into chit-chat then personal interaction. Towards the end he even called here when you were home and I would try my best to keep my self isolated from you so you couldn't hear me talking to him. 

Suddenly it was like Dan and I were back in high school I would sneak around behind my parents' back to be with him. Suddenly I started downing those same kinds of things to you that I done years ago behind my parents back. I knew I should go home after our three or four meetings for the fundraiser each week. But instead I allowed Dan to talk me into going go out to eat afterwards. 

Honestly looking back I wasn't making him do a lot of convincing to get me to go. We would always demand a booth in the back preferable in a corner with subdued lighting and hold hands and talk for hours. It was exactly like we used to do in high school." Shaking her head and taking a deep breath then exhaling forcibly Ted could see this was as hard on Ellie to tell him as it was on him to hear.

Ted nodded and Ellie continued, "About ten days before the accident I kissed him one night and in a matter of minutes we were in the back of his car involved in some heavy petting. I didn't let him have sex with me. But I was so confused, guilty, angry and turned on. When I got home I was so glad you were already in bed. I couldn't have held it together had you asked me anything that night. 

I also know I basically cut you off from that point on, but not for Dan. I was afraid of what almost to happen and didn't feel at all sexy towards you. I had cheated, maybe not in the letter of the law but in spirit and I felt my touching you was cheapening you. I also felt a bit dirty and didn't want to face your anger. So instead of telling you at the time I wasn't even thinking of doing, I hid from you. I took away all interaction with you emotional and physical even what I had promised only you.

The next night at the meeting our interaction was strained and after it finished I headed to my car to leave. He caught me as I unlocked the door, I told him to leave me alone and last night was a mistake. 

He looked at me and threw out his bullshit line of, 'it hadn't been a mistake to him' and how he wished he had never let me go. The he must have understood I was teetering on the line and took me into his arms and kissed me long and deep and I responded, god help me I responded. 

Ted I know it's a big jump going from leaving the meeting to be go home to my husband. Who I knew needed my attention and support as badly as I did his. To the next thing I know Dan and I are in the community center office on the couch and having sex twice that night, but that's what happened."

Ellie watched Ted wince as she told him of her infidelity, but she had to tell him all of it and he needed to know things. "Ted we had sex on three different occasions and the third time you walked in on us.

It was my worst nightmare, like my senior year when Dan and I were caught having sex when my parents came home unexpectedly. I still remember my utter shame as the light in my room suddenly came on. I can still see my mom and dad standing in the doorway to my room staring is shocked disgust at the scene before them. I was so humiliated I couldn't speak to either of them for weeks afterwards. Moments after the lights came on dad moved quickly to the side of my bed and grabbed Dan by the balls pulling him out and off of me. 

For the first time in his life Dan Wilkins had met his match. It was all over in three punches. Busted ribs, broken nose and broken jaw, I didn't see Dan again until the day he left for college nine weeks later. He took one look at me and ran the opposite direction; I knew I was out of his life at that point. I didn't know until later Daddy had told Dan if he ever came near me again it would be worse for him.

When you busted in the door it was my room all over only so much worse, I have never felt so cheap and dirty in my life as I did in those first few seconds I saw you there. I knew Dan was a dead man, but instead you turned away and left. After Dan's comments and Helen's we were dressed and out the door after you in a matter of moments. The only thing I could think about was what I had done, how I had betrayed you and put our relationship in horrible danger. It's easy to see things clearly looking back on them. I knew you warned me and I even told you I understood your fears about Dan, then ignored them. Everything from the time the car plunged into the flooded stream and Dan and I scrambling to get out of the window till I woke up in the hospital is very blurry."

Ellie hung her head, "Now you know everything Ted. Please tell me I haven't lost you forever, that there is still a chance."

I didn't want to hear what Ellie said, and frankly I was more concerned with my emotions becoming volatile. I was also surprised at what Ellie had disclosed about her father and mother finding Dan and Ellie in bed together after her senior year. I didn't know anything about that incident and I had known her most of my life. Not that it mattered to me at the moment.

"Ellie since the day I started going out with you as an exclusive couple I have had a complex that I wasn't good enough for you. That someone someday would come along and take you from me. The day finally arrived because for the past month while you were flirting and screwing Mr. Wilkins you left me and didn't love me in any way as you should have. You weren't loving me the way you had for the last 16 years of our marriage and the two years we were dating prior to that. 

Now you say you love me, but to my way of thinking it's only second best. I am the leftovers after shit for brains showed his true colors. Only then was my love good enough. Very much "Oh well nothing better is being offered so I might as well take you". I know I gave you my best, everything I had. But now I'm not sure what I ever really got from you. As I said to you already, I 'm not sure you are good enough for me. I have a lot of thinking to do."

Ellie didn't move, she replied, "You are right Ted. During that past month I wasn't loving you. I allowed my own issues from the past to turn my head from you. But you're wrong Ted so very wrong. I loved you with my heart soul and mind before the affair, and, when I woke up from my foolishness, I realized how deeply I love you now. I am also acutely aware of just how much I could lose. How much we all could lose. 

Please remember as you sort this out, I do love you my husband and I am willing to do almost anything for us to work this out and gain your forgiveness and trust again."

I stood and helped Ellie stand, "I'll think about it Ellie, I promise."

I was very cold and introspective at the next two counseling sessions and Dr. Jones asked me to do something for her. I was to list the things that made me fall in love with Ellie. The following week she had me list what I thought were the things that made her fall in love with me.

I also found out that during this time a jealous husband of yet another woman Dan had been having sex with called Dan's bluff. The betrayed husband went to Dan's new office and made a simple threat of a lawsuit if the morality clause of Mr. Wilkins contract wasn't immediately applied.

Dan Wilkins found himself without a job, having no friends in town due to at least three affairs in which he managed to become embroiled in just over twelve weeks back. He was also being branded a coward for his actions or more to the point his inactions with Ellie the night the stream flooded and the bridge washed out. 

I was not sorry to hear about Dan's troubles, but soon after Mr. Wilkins left town I noticed that my Father-in-Law had two fingers on his right hand splinted, broken in an unspecified accident. This coupled with rumors that Dan left town after a four day hospital stay had peaked Ted's curiosity. Coincidentally, all this happened about a week after Ellie told her dad and mom what had happened between her and Dan. 

Dan had left town after apparently being mugged and beaten severely, according to police reports there were five or six men involved. Strangely enough nothing of value was taken from Mr. Wilkins. 

I talked to my father a few days later. All Ellie's dad would say was, "You proved your love and devotion to my daughter and your family the night of the accident. Dan Wilkins tried to play games with Ellie in high school and I settled an old score. All you need to understand is I carried through on a long standing promise I made a many years ago to the conceited ass." 

I thanked my father, knowing the subject was now closed and never to be broached again. With Mr. Wilkins out of the picture I was able to focus on my still unsettled relationship with my wife. 

The counseling sessions were making some head way and I could accept I still loved Ellie and even vaguely desired her. My major issue was trust, and I was still having a huge problem with that four months after the accident.

Then one day I was given some major reassurance. I came home early one afternoon and as I walked in the house I heard all three of the girls talking in the kitchen. Audrey said, "Mom I'm proud of you. When Mrs. Drake called you earlier you just shut her down cold. It was so cool. I mean 'talk to the hand' and everything. 

Jen chimed in, "Mom I know this is tough but Dad's got to see you are really truly sorry. I just know he's gotta take you back. He's just gotta." 

Ellie let out a deep breath and with tears in her voice said, "What if he doesn't? Then what do I do."

Jen's voice had a strong edge to it as she replied, "If he doesn't get it through his rock hard head pretty soon he will be very sorry when Audrey and I get done with him."

I moved into the doorway between the Kitchen and the back porch and the movement caught Jen's eyes. She looked me straight in the eyes as she said her piece. She had a hardened look of a determined women etched on her face. I realized in that moment I had a young lady who was well on her way to becoming a woman looking at me. Even though I wasn't sure what they had planned I didn't doubt her for a second. 

Her chin up and her pride ruling her body language and attitude she looked at me and asked, "Any questions Dad?"

Audrey and Ellie turned in their seats quickly to face me. I suddenly felt like I had done something wrong. I mumbled out, "I believe you Jen and you too Audrey."

I looked at Ellie, "I guess it's time we went to see my counselor together don't you think wife." My tone was different the word 'wife' had a strong endearing tenor with it not cold as it had been for the past weeks. I could see from Ellie's small smile she had picked up on it.

"I'd love the chance Ted, I really would, like I said, anything to get the chance to love you again Ted." Her eyes misting over she fell silent.

"Did you really tell Helen that today?"

Nodding she said, "Yes?"

"Girls I need to talk to your mother alone please."

Both girls kissed their mom then me and left the room. 

I looked at Ellie she appeared to have aged over the past four months and the youthful beauty that had always been her trademark seemed to be fading away. It was as if the whole sordid affair and its aftermath had broken her spirit and her beauty with it. Lines and wrinkles that had formerly been barely noticeable were suddenly very prominent. Her eyes seemed to be deep set and there were dark blotches under both of them.

I leaned down and kissed my wife on the lips, my stomach didn't do the flip flop it had previously been doing when I touched her in a remotely sexual way. I wasn't ready to have sex or especially make love to her yet, but it was a start. She sat back a bit surprised, but her smile was genuine and heart warming. "Ellie, I was coming home today to tell you I made a decision at the counselor's today."

"Yes!" She said, her whole demeanor changed as she sat back rigidly bracing herself, obviously waiting for some bad news. 

I sat down next to her at the table, "I stopped by my lawyer's office after the counseling session today." I paused and could see the tears in her eyes. "I cancelled the divorce proceedings; I want to give us a second chance. That is if you're still willing?"

Almost jumping out of her chair she threw her arms around me and cried, "Oh God yes Ted, that's all I've prayed for all these months, you won't be sorry and I will never give you any reason to doubt me ever."

Looking down at her as she knelt next to him Ted continued. "The counselor talked to me today. She explained that the hardest part of getting over this whole mess was my own built in expectations that you would someday leave me for someone better. It wasn't a fantasy or an imaginary issue to me. It was very real and whether you understand it or not, you fulfilled it to its worst possible conclusion.

She said you took a very normal desire that many people have, to have yourself transported back in time, younger, in perfect physical condition, when everything was new, exciting and fun. Coupled with the fact that you probably never got over your hero worship of Mr. Dan Wilkins, who also happened to be a very important first for you.

She explained many sports stars or political figures go through withdrawal at the end of their careers as the spotlight of fame passes them by. It would be very similar for you as you never really had an ending to your relationship with Dan, just a disconnection and that caused by your father. Suddenly you were back to over 20 years ago, and things were like they were then. It was a time bomb waiting to go off.

None of what I just told you let's you off the hook in the least for your own purposeful betrayal of me and our marriage vows. You purposefully chose to betray me, to break your promise to forsake all others. Although I am reasonably sure you are genuinely sorry and repentant over the whole issue. There still are major hurdles for us to overcome and it won't happen without professional help."

Looking into her face I saw a little flicker of hope and a whole lot of love reflected in my wife's eyes. She nodded her understanding then held me tight. 

Ellie replied, "Ted my heart is singing, after four long months of bitter tears and heartbreak. You've given me the chance that I've hoped for so desperately. Both our moms told me if you could see yourself clear to offer me a chance it would be after a lot of soul searching.

Now here you are my love and life, asking me to try and repair the damage I have done to us." She just whispered, "Thank You. When is the soonest we can get some counseling together as a couple?"

I smiled, "Our first session can be tomorrow afternoon with Dr. Jones, is that Ok?"

"Perfect Ted, that will be perfect, I won't screw this up again if you can just allow me the chance to prove that to you." Her voice cracked as the emotional overload washed over her like a flood. 

I held Ellie to me; I had done nothing to cause this mess. I had even tried to prevent it. I knew my own issues hadn't led to Ellie's betrayal, but I felt I still owed it to myself to fight for her, for us. However when Dr. Jones told me today, I had been less than honest with my own feelings possibly even holding back part of my own love and emotional commitment while I was waiting for 'The other shoe to drop.' She told me no one could love another unconditionally with that kind of fear constantly running through their mind.

After thinking through everything the doctor told me, I knew I couldn't just walk away without giving our marriage my absolute best attempt to save it. As I sat with Ellie on my lap I felt two more sets of arms circle around both of us. The girls had rejoined us. As a person or even a couple we might not survive. But as a family with everyone working as one. Well Ellie and I might make it after all. I knew I wasn't going to allow our relationship die without a hell of a fight.

Kissing my three ladies I whispered, "Go get changed we're going out to eat as a family." 

Jen looked at her mom and I, a new joy sprung up in her heart you could see it in her smile. "Mom, Dad, we love you both and welcome home."

Audrey smiled and nodded, adding, "Yeah, welcome home and hurry up you guys, I'm almost starved to death."

*

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Eleanor Rigby: The Aftermath



"Bless me Father, for I have sinned, and I wish I could die!" I wailed into the darkness.

Before I could stop crying, the door to my confessional was opened and Father McKenzie stood over me. He offered his hand to me as he spoke.

"Come with me, Eleanor, please. We need more time and privacy than this confessional can offer. Come with me to my office."

I allowed him to lead me to the front of the dark, lonely church. Then he opened a door to a small room with files and a desk. I sat in the chair he offered and slowly began to compose myself. Finally, the tears stopped and I was able to speak. 

"Father McKenzie, I cheated on Ted. He caught me with another man!" I blurted. "Now Ted hates me and asked for a divorce. I want to die!"

"Ted caught you in the act, so to speak, Eleanor?" asked the ancient priest. At my nod he continued.

"Did Ted physically abuse you? Or verbally? Or sexually, when he caught you?" he queried. I shook my head.

"What exactly did Ted do?" questioned Father McKenzie.

"He looked like someone had just plunged a dagger into his heart. Then he quickly walked away. He never said anything, Father. I would have felt better if he had beaten me," I confessed. "I certainly deserved it."

"Was it the next time that you saw Ted that he told you he hated you and asked for a divorce?" prodded the priest.

"Well, no. The next time I saw him was when the car I was in drove into the flooded stream and I was swept away by the floodwaters. I was ready to give up when Ted caught me," I answered, remembering every detail of that dramatic day. "Ted hoisted me up to some men on a bridge as we passed under it. He saved my life, after he had just caught me cheating a few minutes before!"

"I believe I heard about that flooded stream and Ted's heroism," Father McKenzie replied. "I understand his arm was badly broken and your older daughter practically dragged him out of the stream by herself. That was about a week ago, wasn't it?"

"It was six days ago; the longest six days of my life. Ted met with a lawyer while he was in the hospital and had him draw up divorce papers. He gave them to me the morning after he came home," I sobbed. "He told me he used to think I was too good for him, but now he realizes it is he that is too good for me. He wants a divorce. He hates me."

"I see," Father McKenzie nodded as he spoke. "Ted hates you. He jumped into a flooded stream and risked his life to save his horrible, cheating, unfaithful wife. While in the hospital, doped up on all kinds of drugs and in great pain, he made the decision to ask you for a divorce. Did he tell you he hated you?"

"Ted never used those words, but I know he does! How could he not? He would never ask for a divorce if he didn't," I reasoned.

"You thought Ted should accept being a cuckold? You thought that would be demonstrating his love for you?" continued the old cleric. "You thought if he loved you he would accept you sleeping with other men? Is that what you thought when you were being unfaithful to Ted? He should accept everything you do and not complain, and certainly not ask for a divorce?"

"No!" I practically shouted. "I knew Ted would never accept me having an affair! I just never thought about him finding out. I would never hurt him deliberately."

"Excuse me for appearing dense, Eleanor, but how in the world could you think that betraying your husband, your daughters and your entire family, would not hurt Ted? Did you take precautions against disease and pregnancy?" demanded the priest.

I had not expected such a difficult time with Father McKenzie. He had been a family friend, as well as the local priest, for as long as I could remember. He performed the ceremony when Ted and I were married. He had always been kind, gentle, and non-judgmental. Now he seemed to be almost as horrified as Ted had been. Had I made another mistake by confiding in him? 

I was not on the pill, so Dan had used a condom. I felt relieved and ashamed at the same time. Somehow it made me feel more guilt, knowing we planned ahead enough to have protection. I pushed that from my mind and spoke to the old man before me.

"Looking back, of course it had to hurt him. There could be no other result," I admitted. "I just blocked those thoughts from my mind when I was with the other man. I just wanted to have a little fling, to prove I was still a desirable woman, and not some old hag."

"Had Ted been less than attentive sexually? Perhaps you felt short-changed by Ted," suggested the priest. "Is he lacking as a lover? Is he possibly not equipped to give you the pleasure you seek in bed? Is he selfish or rough?"

"No! Ted is a wonderful lover. He is very virile, but considerate. His 'equipment' works just fine, Father."

"Perhaps he leaves much to be desired as a provider and as a father to your daughters," countered the old priest in a very irritating manner. "Are you looking for someone that will take better care of you and the girls?"

"Ted is the best husband and father you will ever find!" again I practically yelled. "He supports us extremely well. The girls adore him. I could never find his equal, let alone someone better!"

"No reason to be upset with me, Eleanor," replied Father McKenzie. "I am just trying to determine why you have given up on Ted. Where has he failed that you are willing to end your marriage?"

"I am not willing to end our marriage. He is the one asking for the divorce, not me!" I shot back in desperation.

"You want to stay married and just have lovers from time to time, or do you want to have one long term lover?" questioned the once kindly priest.

"Damn it! I don't want any lovers, ever. I just want Ted to love me! He is all the lover, husband, father and friend I could ever want! Why is that so hard for you to understand?" I exploded.

"The question, I think, should be why has it been so difficult for you to understand, Eleanor?" responded Father McKenzie softly.

I just sat there, too numb to respond. That was the question! Why didn't I realize I had it all, the whole enchilada? Why had I betrayed everyone that I loved, and that loved me, for a fling with a conceited, self-centered jackass?

"Father, do you think I am mentally ill? Could that be why I did such an awful thing? Maybe I should just join an order of nuns and go to some far away place to work with AIDS victims. That would cleanse my soul of sin, wouldn't it?" I asked.

"If you left your family to do that, I would think you are mentally ill. God isn't looking for people that want to torture themselves. People do those things to help others, not as some sick kind of self-determined retribution, or punishment!" preached Father McKenzie. "Come with me for a minute, Eleanor."

I followed him to the door as he stood just beyond it. He pointed to the two-dozen or so people sitting in the church, praying.

"Look at all the lonely people, Eleanor. See Mr. Peak over there? His wife was extremely over-weight. She had diabetes, high blood pressure, and very bad circulation, but that did not stop her from eating everything in sight! She had a massive stroke and died at age 43. He is alone and heart-broken."

"Look at Tom Fiona in front. Every day he comes here and begs God to forgive him for hitting a minivan and hurting two small children, while he was driving drunk. Every night he goes out drinking and drives home! His wife left him years ago and his kids won't speak to him," observed the clergyman.

"To the left is Mrs. Martin. She is a widow at 49. Her husband smoked two packs a day. He died from cancer last year," revealed the old priest.

"The fellow in the last pew is always trying to score oxycontin, except when he is here, in the church. Just two rows in front of him is a woman that has shared needles with every addict within 100 miles. Take a good look. I want you to know where all the lonely people come from! They, or their loved ones, made bad decisions, very bad decisions," he concluded.

"That is the human condition, Eleanor. People mess up all the time, but some learn from their mistakes and some don't. It isn't mental illness so much as it's human frailty. Compared to a fatal stroke from selfishly being a glutton for forty years, driving drunk and hurting others, smoking two packs a day and getting cancer, or risking aids, hepatitis, and/or jail, your offense is minor. There is a chance it can be rectified. That will depend on you, what you have learned, and what you are made of," stated Father McKenzie.

He led me back inside the office and again sat me down. I was trying to absorb everything this wise old man was telling me.

"Frankly, Eleanor, I honestly wonder if you have what it takes. You have always been on top. You've always been a winner. You haven't had to work and struggle when all appeared to be lost. You are being tested, and thus far, you have failed. You yielded to temptation." 

He was right! I had always had things my way. I used my looks, abilities, brains, and charm to get everything I had ever wanted. I had never known bad times. Breaking a nail really wouldn't count as hard times.

"The brunt of the test, the most difficult part, is still to come," promised Father McKenzie. "What are you going to do now? Ted asked for a divorce. Do you really believe it was because he hates you? Could it be that you have hurt him tremendously with your betrayal and he doesn't know any other way to respond? You have compromised his masculinity by giving your body to another man. As your husband, he rightly demands that he be the only one to enjoy carnal pleasures with you."

"I have betrayed him, as you keep pointing out. What can I do to change that?" I cried.

"Absolutely nothing, Eleanor. No one can relive the past. Remember the people I pointed out to you in the church? They made bad decisions and had neither the strength nor discipline to change. God will forgive them, and you, for that matter. Your problem is here on earth," he reminded me. " You must decide if you want to stay with Ted. If you do, then you cannot agree to a divorce. You must change your self-centered approach to your life."

"Isn't the decision his, Father?" I asked. "Doesn't he have to want to stay married to me?"

"Correct again, Eleanor," smiled the elderly padre. "Will he find a woman that loves him more than you do? Will he find someone that would give her life for him as quickly and gladly as you?"

"No! Not now, Father. A week ago, I may not have been able to answer that question as honestly," I admitted. "Ted could never find a woman as totally in love and devoted to him as I am now. I know that no such woman could exist. I have been almost wishing that he would find out he needs a kidney, or something, that I could give to him, just to prove my love and devotion. I would gladly give my life for his. He has already risked his life for me." 

"That was a wonderful, brave act, by a man in love, Eleanor. You can be certain that you still own his heart, but his mind has doubts. You put them there, and you must be the one to remove them," offered the priest. "You simply have to find out how." 

I returned home that afternoon feeling better than I had in a week. Father McKenzie had given me food for thought. I had never doubted Ted's love for me, until he caught me with Dan Wilkens. Had I ended Ted's ability to love me? Could a man love a woman so completely as Ted had loved me, and then turn it off, or convert it to hate, in a split-second? I had to believe he could not; that his love was greater than my selfishness. My life was about to change!

I made a nice dinner and watched television with the girls and Ted. Ted always watched the late news so I waited for the girls to go to bed. Then I decided to let Ted know my decision.

"Ted, I have considered your request for a divorce," I started. "Your offer is very fair and probably much better than I could hope for if you sued for divorce over my adultery. That is what the law calls women like me, Ted. I am an adulterer."

"Ellie, there is no need to even bring that word up. I have told no one and have no intentions of doing so," responded Ted. "The divorce can be uncontested and neither spouse's fault."

"Wrong, Ted. It would always be my fault. We both know that," I quickly explained. "The thing is, I am not giving you a divorce. You will have to push for one and I will fight it every step!"

"Ellie, why make this hard? Do you want a better split? Do you think I have been unfair?" asked Ted.

"Ted, if I wanted a divorce, I would trust you more than any judge to treat me fairly. I know you far too well. Remember I have been your business manager for some time. You are a man of conscience and honor. That isn't always best for business. If it weren't for me, you would be responding to every sob story and emergency tossed your way and never be able to hold a schedule and complete your contracts on time," I laughed.

I couldn't believe it! I had laughed for the first time in a week. I had chartered my course, for better or worse, and I felt relieved. Sticking to it was going to be the tough part.

"So you think I am some schmuck that will let you take me to the cleaners, or worse yet, take myself to the cleaners, Ellie?" questioned Ted.

"Not even close, Ted. I think you love me like no man has ever loved a woman before, and I'm going to return that devotion tenfold. I made a horrible mistake, but that is human. Us humans do that, but hopefully we learn from our mistakes. I am telling you right here and now, that you are the only man I have ever loved and the only man I will ever be with from this point forward," I declared.

"I seem to recall words like that at our wedding, Ellie. Then you took up with lover-boy as soon as he came back to town. Promises are easy. Keeping them is difficult, as you have discovered," goaded Ted.

"Yes, I have, Ted. I expect you to feel that way. It's logical and you are a very logical man. Words I throw out tonight will not prove anything, or change your perceptions of me. Still, I am not leaving and I will not cooperate in a divorce in any manner. I am going to love and cherish you any way I can and convince you that I am the woman for you, the only woman for you. Easy to say, I know. This is one time I am going to fight for what I want, and for what I believe is best for you, and not just me. No woman will ever love you as I do now, and forever more," I added. 

Ted was totally stumped. I could see it in his eyes. He had expected me to either agree to his terms for a divorce, or to counter them with terms of my own. He never considered that I would refuse the divorce outright. That placed him in the position of having to file for a divorce and give reasons. I was betting, and praying, that his feelings for his daughters and their grandparents, if not for me, would make him dwell on the decision for quite some time. It was my only chance.

"Now come to bed and I will help you out of those clothes. The doctor was pretty serious when he said you had to be very careful about moving your arm around for a few weeks," I insisted to Ted.

He stared at me for a full minute, then got up and walked into the bedroom. I smiled to myself as I watched the utter confusion he was experiencing. 

I would like to say the next few weeks were easy, but they weren't. Ted remained aloof and I had days of fear, and even despair. The one thing I did not do was give up. Days passed and Ted never mentioned what he had decided, if anything, about the divorce. I put on a brave front, but I was scared to death that Ted would finally reach his decision. It was as if I was waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Father McKenzie began stopping at our house on Wednesday evenings. On the first Wednesday he visited, he chatted with the girls for a few minutes and then he and I moved into the kitchen for a quick conference. He went to great lengths to keep my spirits up. It really helped, too.

The second time Father McKenzie visited, we talked for a few minutes and then he went downstairs to the basement to talk with Ted, and to see the entertainment room Ted was still trying to finish. Working with one arm limited his speed and mobility. They were downstairs for a few minutes when Jen joined me in the kitchen.

"Why does Father McKenzie visit us so much, Mom?" she asked. "Is he trying to save our souls or something?"

"I think that might be more accurate than you can imagine, Jen," I told her. "I hope he does."

Jen looked at me oddly. She seemed to consider her next words. Then she simply changed the subject to boys in her class. We were still talking when Father McKenzie stuck his head back into the kitchen. He was wearing a big smile as he bade us good-bye.

Time went by, and Ted's arm was healing nicely. He never mentioned the word divorce again. It was really all I could hope for, but I was faltering. I had lost almost ten pounds from the stress of worrying about my marriage. The first five didn't hurt, but I knew I was beginning to look too thin. Still, I wasn't able to increase my appetite, or weight, and the trend continued.

Helen Drake stopped by often. She never mentioned that day when Ted caught me with Dan, but I knew that she knew. She was a wonderful friend and kept it to herself. She began commenting on my weight loss and seemed genuinely concerned. One evening, as she and I sat and chatted in the kitchen, she brought the subject up again.

"Ellie, you are a beautiful woman, but you are getting too thin! Are you doing this on purpose, or are you ill?" she asked. "I am getting worried about you."

"Thanks, Helen. I have been losing a little weight. It's just that it has been warm lately and I have very little appetite. I'll try to eat more so you won't have to worry," I tried to laugh her comment off and quickly changed the subject.

Shortly after Helen left, Ted wandered into the kitchen. He seemed to be deep in thought. I always tried to be cheerful and upbeat when I was around Ted. He seldom returned any emotion at all, but he wasn't the one trying to gain forgiveness.

"How about some ice cream, Ellie?" suggested Ted. "I'm dishing some up and I'll get some for you."

"Thanks, Ted, but I really don't feel like ice cream right now, but I'll sit with you while you have some," I told him. 

Ted came back to the table with two dishes heaped with ice cream. He placed one in front of me and handed me a spoon. He saw the question in my eyes as I accepted the spoon.

"It just seems like I shouldn't be the only one having ice cream," he grinned. "I know how you love Rocky Road."

It was the first time since that terrible day that Ted initiated any sort of interaction with me. I didn't want to ruin the mood so I smiled and began eating the ice cream. As we ate, Ted talked about the girls and how school would be out soon. He thought it would be good if they got summer jobs, just to learn responsibility and money management. 

We had a discussion like we used to have and I felt my spirits lift. We sat and shared ideas long after we had finished the ice cream. It somehow became a regular evening ritual. Ted was really putting a lot of ice cream in the dishes, but I was so pleased that he wanted to talk with me that I never complained. He was doing quite well for a guy using his right hand only.

When we went to bed he would slide into bed in his boxers, as he had always done, but he would offer no indication he had any interest in me physically. That hurt a lot because I really needed him to take me in his arms and hold me. I promised myself that if I were ever in his arms again, I would never let him go.

I tried to not be too obvious, but I would be sure to undress where he could easily see me, at least in a mirror. I did catch him looking at my ass and breasts a few times when he thought I couldn't tell. Was he beginning to weaken, at least a little? Could I hang on long enough to win him back? Would it even happen? There were more than a few nights I would lie in bed and cry quietly, long after Ted had fallen asleep. I never let him hear me cry. I always wanted to have a strong and positive attitude in front of him.




Eleanor Rigby: The Aftermath



It was a Wednesday evening in late May and Father McKenzie was sitting across from me in the kitchen. The girls were doing their homework and Ted was finishing the room in the basement. It had turned out really nice and the girls couldn't wait to invite friends over to use it. Ted was touching up a few places with paint.

"Father, I have a new problem, or at least the old one has come back to haunt me," I revealed. "The man that I, that I, made the 'mistake' with has called me a couple times. He insists I take up with him again. If I don't, he said he would be sure the girls hear about our affair."

"Have you told Ted?" asked the priest.

"I can't tell him! It will bring back memories and discussions of all my horrible behavior and he will just divorce me, for sure," I sobbed. "I told the jerk he could go to Hell. I never want to see him again and certainly not under the threat of blackmail. He is such a miserable shit, pardon my French, Father. If I were a man, I would kick his ass across town!"

"Perhaps he will be gentleman enough to keep this thing to himself, Eleanor," suggested Father McKenzie. "He might be testing you, to see if you want to resume your liaison."

"I wish I could believe that. He told me to be at The Rusty Nail for lunch on Friday, or he was going to send a few letters to my relatives. He said that if Ted weren't a wimp, and if we were going to stay married, he would have looked Dan up by now. He said Ted was either afraid of him, or Ted got off thinking about me with other men!" I recounted.

"I have no option. He can take his letters and burn in Hell! I will never again so much as be in the same room as him!" I promised. "He can eat shit, and die!" 

"Under the circumstances, I can forgive your expression of strong dislike for the man," chuckled the old priest. "You have made the right decision and I think it will work out okay. Have faith Eleanor, that your love and devotion are going to be rewarded. God works in strange ways."

Not long after Father McKenzie left, Ted came up and got our ice cream out. He seemed preoccupied, so I didn't press him for conversation. How would he take it when that prick, Wilkens, sent those letters to members of the family? I knew the answer and it wasn't reassuring.

It was Saturday afternoon when Helen Drake dropped in. I had already checked the mail and there were no unusual letters for the girls.

"How is Ted feeling?" asked Helen.

"He seems to be fine, Helen," I forced a smile as I answered. "Why would you ask?"

"Well, I thought he might be feeling a little sore after yesterday. Does he have a shiner or anything?" countered Helen.

"What are you talking about? I am not in the mood for games, Helen!"

"I guess Ted didn't tell you he was at The Rusty Nail yesterday at noon?" grinned Helen.

I felt a knot form in my stomach. Dan wanted me to show up at lunchtime! Did Ted run into Dan? I was afraid to even ask. Of course, I didn't have to ask. Helen could barely contain herself.

"Stan's younger brother, Steve tends bar there. He goes to night school, so he tends bar to help with the bills. He told Stan and me that he recognized Ted when he walked in. They had met a few times at some of our parties, remember?" asked Helen.

I could only nod. My throat was suddenly as dry as cotton.

"Steve said that Ted sat down next some guy in a three piece suit and started chatting him up after Steve brought Ted a beer. Steve was serving another customer when the well-dressed guy cursed and hit Ted in the face! He knocked Ted off the stool and Ted was just barely able to get his feet under himself to keep from falling to the floor. Steve said he tried to get around the bar to help Ted. Everyone there could see Ted had one arm in a sling and felt the other guy was just trying to bully an injured man," chuckled Helen.

How the Goddamn Hell could Helen be laughing? It was probably that miserable fuck, Dan, beating up on Ted!

"This is where it really gets good, Ellie. Ted started toward the guy and the guy kept punching at Ted's face. Ted slapped the guy across the head once. SLAPPED, not punched. Steve said it sounded like a firecracker, only louder. The guy staggered a little and then Ted just bitch-slapped the shit out of the guy, with one hand!"

The guy's face was bloody and he was on his knees, crying like a baby," laughed Helen. "He actually begged Ted to stop. Steve said Ted pulled the guy to his feet and said something in the guy's ear, real low so no one else would hear. Then he shoved the guy toward the door. The man fell, jumped back up, and literally ran out the door. Steve said he would not have believed it if he hadn't seen it himself. Ted just paid his tab and left. He never said a word to anyone else."

Ted in a bar fight? With his broken arm? My head reeled as I considered Helen's story. It could be no coincidence. Ted had to have gone there looking for Dan. Father McKenzie must have told him about Dan's promise to tell the girls and that he thought Ted was a wimp! I thought priests had oaths of silence, or some such horseshit! Thank God Ted wasn't badly hurt! 

"Ted came in a little late and went right to bed, Helen. I never actually saw him. He said he had a headache and would be okay in the morning. I had no idea he had been in a fight!" I concluded.

"According to Steve, it couldn't be considered a fight," grinned Helen. "It was an old-fashioned ass kicking!"

Suddenly Helen's demeanor changed and she took my hands in hers as we sat at the table.

"Ellie, I know you are having a bad time of it and I wish I could help, but I know I would be butting in," she admitted. "Stay strong and have faith in Ted. I have never known a man to love a woman the way he loves you. He'll come around."

I could no longer hold back my tears and Helen came around and held me for a long time as I cried like I had promised myself I never would. I couldn't stop thinking of all the pain I had created for Ted. I broke his heart, and his trust in me, then his arm, and now his face took punishment from a miserable shit not worthy to carry his shoes. Was I deluding myself into thinking I was, or could again be, good for Ted? Would he be better off without me? Better off with someone else? Was I just being selfish trying to keep the best man ever seen in my part of the world? Even if he could forgive me, did I deserve his forgiveness and love? My heart ached and my tears flowed.

Ted walked in on us as Helen held me. I saw his left eye was darkened somewhat, but nothing like I had feared. I tried to quickly gather my emotions and stop the flow of tears. Before I was composed, Ted turned and left the kitchen.

"He doesn't talk much these days, does he?" smiled Helen. "He didn't look too bad, though. I guess old Dan doesn't pack much of a wallop, does he? It makes me wonder what that asshole looks like today?"

Things settled into status quo after that. I never heard from Dan again and the girls never received any letters from him. Father McKenzie steadfastly refused to admit he told Ted about Dan wanting me to meet him at the bar. Ted was polite to me, but was still aloof. Sex was not even a consideration. He would have to touch me first, and Ted gave no indication he even wanted to go that far.

My brave words were increasingly difficult to back. The girls sensed something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. I had stopped losing weight, mostly because of all the ice cream Ted and I consumed every night. It crossed my mind that he was trying to fatten me up, but I dismissed that notion as ridiculous.

"Father, I don't know if I can keep this up," I confessed to the ancient priest one evening during his weekly visit. "Ted is civil to me, but nothing more. He doesn't hold me, or even touch me. I am afraid I have lost him."

"Eleanor, I warned you it would be difficult, but you have done better than I thought you would. I can't tell you if you are close to winning Ted back, or even if you ever will. I can tell you that you are doing all you can, and that is admirable. I can see you have grown in character and purpose. Even if all else goes awry, you are an improved person."

"Thanks, I guess, Father. I'm not sure if that should make me feel better, or not," I responded. "Being a better person doesn't really mean very much if Ted doesn't learn to love me again."

The old cleric just nodded.

"I have refused to accept another term as president of the hospital auxiliary. I am supposed to introduce my successor Friday night at the Chamber of Commerce's annual 'Recognition Night'. That is when they laud all the good work done by all the civic-minded organizations in the area. It is my duty as outgoing president to present Helen as the next president."

"You have served long enough, Eleanor. That shouldn't bother you, unless you want to keep the position," stated Father McKenzie. "Is that the problem?"

"No, I really don't care about that position at this point in my life. The problem is that if Ted doesn't go with me, it will be obvious that we are having serious problems. I have been able to make excuses about why I was alone at some functions, with his bad arm and workload, but not this time, Father," I explained. "I am afraid it will become public knowledge Friday night."

"Ted has refused to go with you, Eleanor?" asked the concerned priest.

"I don't even dare ask him!" I moaned. "How can I ask him to not let me look foolish and embarrassed after what I did to him? Why would he even care how much it hurts me to go out in public without him?"

The old priest sat and seemed lost in thought for a few minutes. Then he looked at me and smiled.

"Eleanor, this is part of your test, I think. Do not fail it. It is time to tell Ted how you feel and what you want for him, and your family. Just be candid and see what he says," Father McKenzie concluded.

After Father McKenzie left and Ted came into the kitchen for our ice cream, I broached the subject.

"Ted, I have to go to the Chamber of Commerce meeting on Friday, to present Helen as the next president of the hospital auxiliary. You are out of your cast now and doing very well. I would greatly appreciate it if you would come with me," I began.

I had made mental notes of all the reasons I could give to convince Ted he should go with me. I was prepared for any argument he could produce.

"Okay, Ellie," answered Ted. "What time will we have to leave? Let's take the girls, too."

I almost fell over! Ted not only agreed to go, he wanted to take the girls, too. We would appear as one big, happy family! I couldn't help myself and before I knew it I had my arms around Ted and gave him a kiss on the lips. I felt his hands on my hips, but he neither encouraged nor discouraged me. I slowly pulled away and ran to the bedroom. Ted's lack of response had hurt more than I ever thought it could. I pretended to be asleep when he came to bed.

Friday night, we sat at the table and listened to several speakers as I waited my turn at the podium. I was impressed with the number of people at the event. I had not attended one of these meetings in several years and didn't remember ever seeing so many in attendance. Then my ears suddenly started to burn! 

I heard my name mentioned by the speaker. He was supposed to be introducing the 'Volunteer of the Year'! He was telling the crowd what a wonderful job I had done with the auxiliary and how I was a great mother and a wonderful wife! He embellished everything I had ever done and it became very embarrassing. I knew the truth, and he was so far from it! Finally, he finished his rant and asked me to go up and receive my award and "say a few words".

I was numb as I approached the dais. People were calling my name and applauding loudly. I was handed some glass object and directed toward the microphone. I began to crumble inside. It was so wrong! The crowd should be stoning me, not cheering me.

For whatever reason, I suddenly decided to confess my sins. I think it may have been the stress, along with the knowledge that I was so very far from being a good wife and mother. I spoke into the microphone.

"I...I do not deserve this award," I faltered. "I am not what you think I am."

The crowd had gotten very quiet and strained to hear my words. I felt weak and could barely speak, but I continued.

"This award.. it's for good deeds, but I'm not good. I should have drowned, but Ted,...he wouldn't let me."

I realize now I was not making a lot of sense then, but at the time it all just wanted to come out. I saw Ted stand up and I stopped talking. He strode up to the podium. I remember admiring how good he looked in his tuxedo, yet fearing what he would say or do. My legs were trembling and I was getting dizzy as Ted came up to me, right in front of a room full of people. He placed his hands on my shoulders and held me at arms' length as he spoke quietly.

"Ellie, you do deserve the award. You are a wonderful wife and I really do love you. I was stubborn and stupid." 

Then he opened his arms to me and I don't remember if I fell, or jumped into them! I buried my face in his chest and clung with all my strength. I remember the crowd cheering and applauding. I felt Ted walk to the microphone with me attached to him like a burr.

"My wife thanks you for this honor. No one deserves it more! However, she will be doing all her volunteering for me for a while. We are going on a two-week vacation with the kids," Ted told the crowd. "Then we will be concentrating on our business and family for a few years."

Then Ted scooped me up with his right arm and carried me back to our table as I clung to his neck. Everyone was laughing and cheering as he made the long walk back. I kept my promise to myself and refused to let him out of my arms. I remember the girls laughing, and then my parents were at our side, trying to talk to me. Ted's parents were there, making a fuss over us, too. Apparently everyone knew I was going to get the award, except me.

When I wouldn't let go of Ted so he could drive us home, my father drove us while my mother followed in their car. The girls discussed my strange behavior as we rode home. 

"Do you think Mom is okay?" wondered Audrey. "Will she ever let Dad go?"

"I don't think she ever will, come Hell or high water!" laughed Jen.



Eleanor Rigby



When I stopped on a side street to explain the situation to the policeman, I saw a red BMW shoot past and turn down my street! I knew I should have blocked the road! I gave the cop the short version of the situation and jumped back in the car.

"That looked like Mr. Wilkins' car," volunteered my older daughter, Jen. "I hope he doesn't try to cross that bridge!"

I had a smile cross my face for an instant. Let him ruin his goddamn fancy car, and get good and wet. Then I realized he would have Ellie with him. As much as her cheating had hurt me, I had no desire to see her in danger. I gunned the accelerator in an attempt to catch Wilkins. I was almost half a mile behind them when I saw the car plunge into the stream where the bridge had been a short time before. Jen shrieked as we saw the front of the car disappear and the tail end bob up and down.

As we approached the scene, I saw Wilkins climb on the roof of the car. The waters were swirling around it and getting higher every second. Water was pouring in the window as Eleanor began to claw her way out the very window Wilkins had just used. The girls and I were out of reach and watched helplessly as Wilkins looked at Eleanor climbing out the window, then he turned and jumped for the buttress that remained from the washed bridge. He caught the edge and pulled himself out of the water. Ellie was now on the roof of the car but it started floating downstream!

The girls and I watched in horror as she tumbled into the floodwaters and disappeared. I threw my coat off and jumped in after her. It was unbelievably cold. I felt numb by the time I resurfaced. Downstream was the only direction Ellie could have gone, so I started swimming as well as I could. It seemed forever, but it was probably only a minute or so when I spotted her bobbing on the current. 

It took all my strength but I managed to catch up to her. She was having a bad time of it. I wasn't sure if she was conscious until I felt her grab my arm. We were swept downstream like a couple of twigs. Then I saw some men standing on the next bridge! They were gesturing to me and one was lying under the rail, over the side of the bridge. He was reaching down, holding his hands as close to the water as he could.

I was able to touch ground every few seconds and I pushed Ellie in the guy's direction. It wasn't easy but I lined our path up with the Samaritan on the bridge. The thing was, he would never be able to reach us. I timed our speed and hoisted Ellie up as we approached the bridge. I was weakening fast as the incredibly cold water sapped my strength. I feared I would not get Ellie high enough for him to catch her.

As we passed under him, I felt Ellie suddenly lifted from my aching arms! He had her! Then I went under the water. I fought back to the surface, but it became increasingly difficult to keep my head above the water. My strength was quickly failing me. I felt a tree limb slap my face and I grabbed it. I clung to it for a few seconds and then felt something smash into my left arm and side, then carry me away. 

It was some kind of pole, or tree. I couldn't tell. Then it caught on something with the end that was away from me and started to pivot. It forced me into shallower water as it swung around. The water was waist high but the log was still pushing me. I dropped down as far as I could and felt something wooden and solid. It must have been the remains of a footbridge or something. I grabbed it and held on. The floating object slid across my back, scouring it as it passed. 

I realized I was only able to cling with my right hand. My left would not respond. I tried to pull myself from the water, but my legs were leaden. I was about to give up when I heard Jen! She was above me, wading as far into the water as she dared. 


I felt her grab my shirt collar and start pulling. Even in my diminished mental state, I worried that if I went back into the current Jen would not let go and be dragged with me. That fear made me crawl and squirm with every bit of strength and determination I could muster. Together, we managed to get out of the water.

I heard Jen talking on her cell phone as I tried to sit up. That was when I saw my left arm bent at a bizarre angle under me. I wondered how I would be able to work with it like that. That was the last thought I remember before hearing voices from far away. That happened a few times before I actually opened my eyes and looked around.

It was obvious that I was in a hospital and my arm was heavily wrapped. I saw Jen, Audrey, and Ellie all sitting around my bed. Jen noticed that my eyes were open and whooped loudly.

"Dad! How are you feeling? That was the bravest, coolest thing I ever saw!" she exclaimed. "You saved Mom's life. That coward, Wilkins, left her and jumped to shore to save himself. You jumped right into the flood and then lifted Mom up to the guy on the bridge."

As Jen spoke, the memories came rushing back. I looked at my left arm. I still couldn't feel it, but I could see my hand. I wiggled my fingers and felt relief wash over me. 

"Your arm was broken pretty bad, but it is going to heal okay, Dad. It looked awful when I helped you out of the water. I bet you're glad I ran cross country and track, aren't you?" quizzed Jen. "I chased you over a mile, trying to catch you. I wasn't going to give up even if I had to run all the way to the river!"

My throat was sore and I couldn't speak. I found out later that I had been under the knife for two hours and was feeling the effects of the drugs I was given.    

Ellie just listened as Jen recounted the events. She never said a word. It wasn't long and I was asleep again. It took four days before I was allowed to leave. I had plenty of time to think as I lay in the hospital.

The girls made a big fuss over me when I finally got home. My parents and Ellie's folks were there to greet me. It was all very touching.

"Son, you saved our daughter's life, at the risk of your own. I honestly expect no less from my daughter's husband, but it sure is good to see that you are the man I hoped you would be," Ellie's father announced in front of everyone. "If she had to depend on that damn Wilkins, she'd just be a fond memory right now."

I blushed at the rare praise from my father. His sincerity could not be doubted. We had a dinner to celebrate my homecoming. Finally everyone left. The girls hugged me and went off to bed.

I made my way to the bedroom and climbed between the sheets. Ellie was watching my every move, saying nothing. I was exhausted and fell to sleep immediately. I woke during the night to the sounds of Ellie's sobs. Then I drifted back to sleep.

I was sitting at the table when the girls left for school. I was making mental notes of things I had to do. First, I had to meet with my crew to find out how far behind schedule we were. I would probably have to hire another man to take my place for a couple months, or so. Ellie's voice broke my concentration.

"Ted, I am so sorry about everything! You saved my life, even after everything I did to you. When I was being tossed around in the floodwaters, I actually wanted to die, but I knew you would come after me. It wasn't a hope that I had. It was a certainty. Dan was just a stupid mistake. He isn't good enough to carry your shoes."

"I have made a serious mistake, but I am determined to make it up to you, Ted, if it takes the rest of my life. I will do anything you ask, Ted," promised Ellie. "Just tell me what you want."

"Ellie, I had a lot of time to think. You were swept into the flooded stream by accident. I could not stand by and see you hurt, or killed, because of a freak accident."

"If you had been standing next to me and told me that you wanted to jump into the raging waters, I would have done all I could to prevent you from doing that. If, after all my efforts, you still jumped, I would feel badly as I watched you being swept away," I admitted. "I would not, however, jump in after you."

Ellie was holding her breath as she listened. I plunged on.

"Ultimately, we are each responsible for our actions. You knowingly, willingly, even eagerly, jumped into Dan Wilkins' arms and bed. It was no accident. I tried to convince you not to take up with him, but you did anyway." 

"Ted! I was wrong! I know that now. He means nothing to me. Please believe me when I tell you that I love only you!" pleaded Ellie. "I haven't seen him since that day. I will do anything to make this up to you!"

"That is good to hear, Ellie," I replied as I reached into my briefcase. "I have come to realize that you are not too good for me. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Just sign these divorce papers for me and I won't ask you for another thing."