160 comments/ 182819 views/ 45 favorites Consequences - Patti By: cageytee With due credit to thecelt in whom I have confidence that he will recognize that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery! The idea for this story came to me after an on-line discussion with one of two very special cyber friends to whom I owe a great deal. Both contributed substantially to this story. Their willingness to share their own experiences and points of view, their criticisms and suggestions, but most of all, their constant encouragement, made this story possible. It is more than likely that the parts of it that you most enjoy came from them! * It's amazing how misguided some of you people are! I've read story after story here on Literotica about wives who cheat on their husbands yet claim to love them and I see there are some (many?) of you out there who immediately claim she could never have really loved him. She couldn't have or she would never have cheated in the first place. Right? That's not always true! I know. Believe me, I know! Sure, in some cases, some of the cheating wives didn't love their husbands but sometimes even a wife who does love her man, slips. My story may not convince too many of you . . . perhaps none of you. If it does nothing other than give some other wives or perhaps even some husbands out there something to think about, I guess the time and personal torture of writing and re-living all this will be worthwhile to someone. My name is Patti Forester and I'm married to Walt Forester, a man, a very, very good man, whom I have loved for a very long time and whom I still love a great deal. We, like every other couple, have had our ups and downs but there have been far more good times than bad. He isn't perfect but he's as close as I'm ever likely to get in a mate. We both hold down pretty good jobs and our combined incomes allow us to live well and still save for a time when we will have our own family. At the time all this happened, about ten years ago, we had been married four years but we lived together for four years before that. We planned to start a family in another two or three years, depending on how things were going in my career, as we agreed I would take a leave and be a full time mom, at least until the kids are in school. We had a great sex life! Walt can be romantic, he can be patient and understanding and he can sometimes "fuck my brains out" depending on our moods at the time. We both enjoy reading Literotica and we have had some pretty exciting weekends reading and acting out (in private) on some of the stories we've read. Our favorite, we have discovered to our great delight, is the same for both of us. I sometimes love to have Walt eat me out while I read a randy passage from a Lit story. Walt says the blowjobs he gets when he is reading Lit are "explosive". I like "Romance" stories and there are a lot of good story tellers in the genre on that site. If I had to pick a favorite it would be difficult to choose between Daniellekitten and evanslily. I like some of the "Loving Wives" stories too, especially the ones that either don't involve actual cheating or where there is good cause for the characters in the story to reconcile. Walt likes "Erotic Couplings" as long as there are no cheating wives. He's among you guys who think a woman cannot love one man and lust after another. It stems from a cousin, someone we both know and like a great deal, whose wife cheated on him during a drunken out of town bachelorette party. I was at that party and it was a wild one but I saw no evidence of the cheating as I was staying at Walt's brother and sister's home at the time and had left the party early, but the next day when we returned to clean up, I did see a devastated woman who was filled with shame and regret long before she confessed to her husband. She did confess and they did try to make a go of it but they were divorced about 7 months later and as we have differing opinions, Walt and I have had a few "heated" discussions about it and it has become painfully clear, at least to me, that Walt's mind is made up and he doesn't want to be confused by the facts! Well . . . I said he is "almost" perfect. My strong feelings on this matter stem from the fact that I love Walt and I would never do anything that would hurt his feelings, yet there is a man whom I occasionally meet professionally and whom I sometimes daydream about fucking. I've known all along that no matter what transpired, I would never act on that lust. The very idea of taking a chance on possibly hurting Walt was enough to turn me away from indulging in it, not to mention that given Walt's personal convictions on this topic, our marriage would be severely damaged, if not destroyed, were I to, in any way, give in on that lust and be found out. I sure as hell was tempted once or twice but I believe that makes me just like everyone else, man or woman! Our Company runs in-service training/conferences at various locations, usually once a year and Dan Sheffield, the object of my occasional lust, is usually there. He is Executive Vice President of Operations for the parent company and he often becomes involved in these in-service workshops. He likes to meet and talk with employees at all levels to help him more fully understand what's going on, what the issues are and how the Company might deal with them. To say that he's popular is a gross understatement! People find it hard to believe that a man that powerful in the Company could be so friendly and down to earth and it is particularly so for many women as he is very handsome, athletic and, over all, sexy as hell. Two years ago he attended one of our training sessions in Chicago and as I normally would, I shared in a little harmless flirting during one of the meetings. I was among the group that he hosted for dinner that evening and I thought he might have been flirting back. I was absolutely positive he was when he invited me to join him in the lounge after dinner. I assumed that there would be others there and I accepted but when I arrived, I soon discovered I was his only guest. When I asked him about it he smiled almost melting me and confirmed he would like to "get to know me a little better". It only took me milliseconds to see where this could be headed and without any concern for the impact it may have on my career, I stood, apologized and told him I appreciated his hospitality but that I would prefer to be with a group rather than just he and I as a couple. His smile put me at ease to some extent but his words were more comforting. He said he understood fully and that he was sorry that he allowed the situation to make me at all uncomfortable. For the rest of the week he remained every bit as friendly, yet professional, as I had known him to be up to that invitation. I did notice however that Alice Buckley, a nice looking woman who worked in HR at our branch did join him in the lounge later that night while I was having a drink with some others, also from our branch. They left before us and I didn't see her until the general session the next morning. That night I brought myself to a delicious orgasm imagining that I hadn't turned Dan down. Before the night was over I managed a second and somehow, even more powerful and satisfying one while planning a reunion night with Walt. As good as they were, neither orgasm was as incredible as the ones I had with my husband the weekend I returned home. Believe me, I had no regrets about turning Dan Sheffield down. Now and then, maybe every two or three months, when I was alone, I would imagine myself with Dan and would masturbate to orgasm. It was a nice fantasy. I believed then and I believe now that my reality was better. Walt is a good lover and a wonderful husband and I am blessed to have such a man. My own orgasms however, don't tell everything! I have had some wonderful sex with Walt when I didn't cum at all! I have been thrilled to have him touch me and to touch him, then later, to have brought Walt to orgasm as I reveled in the expression of release he had on his face as he came in me. To bring such pleasure to someone you love as much as I love Walt was a joy in itself and never once did I feel resentful or annoyed. Then, to spend the rest of the night in his loving arms, to me, was icing on the cake! Did I feel that way each and every night? Of course not, but often enough that I count myself as a very lucky woman. *** I saw Dan Sheffield twice during his visits to our branch during the year following that conference and he remained as friendly and professional as ever. At the next conference session, this time held in Boston, I was again included in the group he hosted for dinner and this time, he pointedly asked if I would join him "and a number of home office people" for a drink in the lounge. I accepted and quite enjoyed meeting them all. Fuelled by my seeing him in Boston, he was once more the subject of my occasional fantasy but nothing really changed in that department either as my continuing reality was much better. Then there was this year's meeting in Scottsdale near the Home Office! This time I was on the planning committee and I had the good fortune to travel on the Company tab to see the meeting venue in advance. I was so taken with the beauty of the resort that when I got home to Walt, I couldn't say enough about it and I suggested that he join me at the conference then we would vacation there when it finished. My excitement was infectious and soon Walt was as worked up as me and we took to making our plans. On sober, second thought, we decided that it didn't make sense for Walt to use up some vacation time sitting around during the conference while I was busy, so we decided he would join me as soon as it ended and then we would vacation for 10 days at the resort. It worked really well financially, as the resort let us have the conference rates which saved us about $500 on the cost of our room. We both applied and were granted vacation leave so we confirmed our reservations as we had discussed. As a member of the planning team I had to be there two days before the sessions began, to get set up and make any last minute adjustments. There were five of us on the committee and we were wined and dined as a group by none other than Dan Sheffield. I was in town exploring the shopping opportunities for the conference attendees the afternoon prior to the opening session when I became aware of a minor disturbance in the store I was checking out. I would have ignored it otherwise until I noticed that Dan Sheffield was in the middle of it. I'm mildly embarrassed to admit that I hid behind a display rack and watched and listened to the exchange. In a nutshell, Dan was being asked to accompany the store employee to the office. He was visibly shaken and argued weakly. The man was insistent and Dan finally conceded, following him to the offices at the rear of the store. By this time I was curious enough that I hung around for almost an hour before they returned and again, shielded by the display rack, I listened as the store employee (read store detective) quietly chastised Dan for attempting to leave the store without paying for a watch he had pocketed. The detective was obviously letting him off the hook this time, but I heard him remind Dan that they had the whole thing on video and that if he were to try that again at any of their stores or they heard that there was any issue with any other store, theirs or not, he would be prosecuted. I remained hidden until Dan left then I took a cab back to the resort Wow! Do you have any idea what a rush it is to discover you suddenly have power over someone you always saw as powerful; as someone normally having power over you? Talk about "the shoe being on the other foot"! For the rest of the week I was on a high. Power can do that to you! From the outset it was clear the conference was coming off exceedingly well and on the last night, at the end of the closing banquet, I met Dan as I was headed back to my room. He congratulated me on my part in such a successful conference and suggested we might find some others who would like to join us for a drink in the lounge. I smiled and said I would like to. We checked with the other committee members and a few attendees, all of whom begged off as many people were packing for an early departure in the morning. When Dan apologized for not being able to find anyone, I said I was going to have a drink anyway and he was welcome to join me. Power can do that to you! We ended up having not one but two drinks. We made small talk about the conference and again, he was quite complimentary about the success of it. I felt relaxed and still very much on a high, partly because of the congratulations and partly because I knew what I knew about Dan Sheffield and most of all, because my husband was going to join me the next day for our holiday. About an hour later I said goodnight, politely declined his offer to walk me to my room and left for the evening. When I got to my room I noticed the message light flashing and when I checked it, there was a message from Walt. Please call him. His flight out tomorrow afternoon had been canceled. It was almost 10:30PM and that made it 12:30AM at home but Walt said to call, so I did. Apparently the severe weather conditions had caused a delay in hundreds of flights coming into and out of Hartsfield in Atlanta and conditions were predicted to worsen during the next day. As a precaution, his flight was being postponed to the following day, weather permitting even then. It was a disappointment for us both but there was nothing we could do. The next morning I called Walt again. Things were still difficult but getting better and the airline had told Walt they were pretty sure he would get out the next day. Good news and we were once again back in excitement mode. The day was pretty dull. All the conference attendees had left and I was entirely on my own. There was not one person in the entire resort that I recognized. I sat by the pool for a while, went to my room for a nap in the afternoon, had dinner in my favorite of the resort restaurants that evening, then, called Walt before it got too late at home. It was 8:00PM in Scottsdale and 10:00PM at home. We talked excitedly for about a half hour about our pending holiday then said goodnight. I told Walt I was going to take a walk, then retire for the night as it was still early evening in Scottsdale. It had been very hot by the pool that afternoon but the evening was delightful so I walked all around the resort looking forward to sharing it with Walt the next day. As I crossed the lobby headed for my room, I was shocked to see Dan Sheffield. He was obviously just as shocked to see me. When we overcame all that, I said that I thought everyone from the conference had checked out. He laughed a little and said that he too had checked out but that he lived not too far away and was in the area on a business matter and decided to stop for a drink. He asked if I would like to join him I was only part way into my first drink before my mind pieced together my situation. Here was the man I had lusted after for almost 3 years. We were completely on our own; all the people who knew us were gone. If he had a room of his own, I could go there with him, fuck him and walk away and no one would know except he and I and he couldn't tell even if he wanted to because I knew something he would never want publicly known. Would I do it? I DO love Walt and I could never do anything to hurt him but he was two time zones away. I know because I called him there only an hour ago. Even if he had made that delayed flight story up to surprise me and was really on his way here he couldn't arrive in less than 4 or 5 hours. There's no way he could possibly find out. Could I keep that to myself? Yes! If I had knowledge that could hurt him, I could keep it from Walt. What if Dan decided he wanted to stretch this into an affair instead of a one night stand? Easy! I knew something about him that he would never want to get out, so I had him by the short curlies. He would do what I told him to. One drink turned to three or four and we decided to do some dancing. Dan is a very good dancer. My fantasy of fucking Dan was still in my mind but even if nothing else followed, it was a very pleasant evening. We got closer and closer as we danced and toward the end of the evening there was some mild fondling and kissing but not any more than Walt and I have done while partying with friends and neighbors. The expected proposition came on the fifth drink. In that moment, partly fueled by the drinks and completely convinced that there was no way Walt could be hurt by what I did, in my lust, I decided to go for it! To Dan's surprise, I set the ground rules. His room, one time only, one condom, here's what will happen if this ever gets out. That almost brought the evening to an end as he was more than a little upset when he found out what I knew, but he soon recognized that getting me into his bed might give him a little guarantee that I would not give his secret away. It's funny how a mind works, how your imagination works, how fantasy works in our lives because as I got nearer to making that fantasy of fucking Dan Sheffield a reality, it became less and less exciting. My mind was filled with thoughts of Walt and by the time Dan got a room, bought condoms from the resort shop and ordered some champagne and snacks from room service, I was in a quandary. Logically, I knew Walt could never find out. He was two time zones away. There was no one in the resort who knew us. Dan couldn't hold any sway over me because I had him in a bind over the shoplifting incident. So . . . why was I concerned? The answer came to me as clearly as it would have if it had it been on a flashing neon sign. "I" would know what I did! And my love for Walt would make me hurt for my husband, even if he never found out. The look on my face must have spoken volumes to Dan as he was the one to ask if I were backing out and when I apologized and told him I was, that I loved my husband far too much to do this, even being positive he would never find out. Dan pressed a little. He admitted he had strayed a few times; that he too loved his wife but that he had enjoyed the sex and it hadn't interfered with his marriage at all. I stood my ground and after a while Dan tried the "candy is dandy but liquor is quicker" route and he opened the champagne. I was confident I would be O.K. I thought back to when I first felt the power over Dan at the store less than a week ago and realized that compared to that, the power of deciding in favor of my love for my husband was much, much greater, so I had no hesitation in having a drink with Dan. After a while the conversation turned to business and the conference and it was like nothing untoward had happened. After a second glass of bubbly, I thanked Dan, then got up and left. He came to the door, kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight. As I left, I felt so happy with my decision that I couldn't hide the smile on my face, a huge, delightful smile that I wore all the way back to my own room. *** About 12:30 the next afternoon, Walt arrived and I had never been happier to see him. I convinced him to shower and relax after his trip and was naked in our bed well before he came out of the shower. He threw down his towel and as he came to the bed I could see that he too was visibly aroused. He kissed me passionately, our tongues dueling for control. He lay back and pulled me partly on to his chest, then trailed his kisses across my cheek to my neck and as he did my excitement grew. Consequences - Patti He rolled me over on to my back then resumed trailing his tongue to my breasts where he feasted for what seemed an eternity; then he moved down between my legs where he settled in to bring me to climax in short order. I sure as hell didn't need a Literotica story to achieve an almost violent orgasm that time. My love for my husband and my joy over having chosen not to fuck Dan put me over the top, BIG TIME! By the time I came down from that high, he was inside me and I wanted to scream out the joy I felt having him with me. As I lay there staring into Walt's face as he approached his own orgasm, I knew I had made the right decision. My love for Walt had never been greater, my appreciation of our marriage was at an all time high and the feelings that overwhelmed me as I saw his extreme pleasure were both bitter and sweet. Bitter as I very briefly recognized how close I came to damaging this wonderful relationship and sweet, oh so very, very sweet that I had backed away when I did! We made love twice more before retiring for the night and for the following days and nights, in that heavenly setting, we had the most love filled holiday I could imagine. We did some kinky things, at least for us. We shopped together one day and bought some sexy undies and nightwear for me and knowing I was wearing something from that shopping trip, we would tease each other throughout our evening meal to the point where we barely made it back to our room to make love. One night I went to dinner with out either a bra or panties and made sexually inviting comments through out dinner and later on the dance floor and in the lounge. Walt was beside himself with excitement and in a quiet moment late that night after we had made wild, passionate love, he told me how much he loved me, loved being with me and how happy he was that we would grow old together. Nothing I could have done with Dan Sheffield could come close to this! *** We landed in Atlanta nine days later and as is always the case, we were tired from our travels. We had allowed for this in our planning and we took the following two days to catch up on issues around the house. By the end of the weekend we were both ready to get back to work. In spite of the fact that it was now a full two weeks after the close of the conference, I was pleased that I was still being congratulated on such a fine job. It was a great way to get back to work. I was still excited and on a high when I got home that night but Walt had not yet arrived. That was odd, as he is usually home first but when Walt did arrive only a few minutes later, looking like he had lost his last friend, my world began to fall apart. The one flaw in all my reasoning was about to come back and bite me on the ass! I asked him if something was wrong and, with the darkest of expressions on his face, he immediately said, "Yes, there certainly is!" "You have mentioned Dan Sheffield a number of times," he continued, "and it was always my understanding that you avoided being alone with another man when you travel. Is that correct or am I mistaken?" My heart stopped when he first mentioned Dan's name but I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel as I carefully composed my answer. The only people who knew me and had seen me with Dan were the conference attendees and they all left the morning after the conference ended. This had to be about the drinks in the lounge on the last night of the conference, although I was at a loss to understand how Walt had found out about that. "Walt, I'm sorry. With the excitement of you coming the next day I forgot all about that. I probably shouldn't have but I did go to the lounge with him on the last night of the conference. We did invite a number of people to join us but everyone was anxious to pack to go home and I was on such a high over the success of the conference that I went with him on my own. I had two drinks then left. I turned down his invitation to walk me to my room, then returned to the room on my own and called you at home." Try as I have, I still cannot describe the look on his face; relief that that was all there was to it; embarrassment over showing his jealousy, anger, upset, what? I don't know, but he was still calm, although serious, and I took that as a good sign. With that look still on his face he calmly asked, "Was that all there was to it?" Still having a mind set for that last night of the conference I said, "Yes, that's all there was to it." He simply stared at me, still with that mysterious look and just as it appeared like he would speak, in that split second I decided not to say anything that would unnecessarily hurt Walt's feelings and I continued truthfully with what I hoped was a sincere look on my face, "Walt, aside from a few private fantasies in my mind of being with Brad Pitt or some other guy that turned me on, I have never been with anyone other than you since we started dating." Still, that look! It seemed an eternity before he spoke again. "Are you telling me that drinks in the lounge on the last night of the conference was all there was to it?" Knowing that in the case of that last night of the conference, it was true, I said, "Yes!" Again the silence! Then after a while the expression changed and I think that, in retrospect, I did recognize that one. It was a look of profound sadness! My mind was in a turmoil. I frantically began to organize my thoughts so I could tell Walt the whole truth. I searched for the best way to begin so that I could minimize his hurt, the hurt I had been so determined not to bring him. I waited too long! Walt's expression hardened, he stood and took what turned out to be a Fedex package from his briefcase and threw it on the table in front of me saying, with visible, rising anger, "There was a notice on the door saying they tried to deliver this earlier today. I thought it might be important so I went to the depot to pick it up. It is addressed to "Mr. Forester", not W. Forester nor Walt Forester, just Mr! I opened it. It's from an Ann Marie Sheffield who apparently has been concerned that her husband DAN Sheffield has been cheating on her so she engaged a P.I. to investigate. The report is quite detailed and the pictures are quite clear and sharp. According to her note, the P.I. and of course she, only knew your name and street and city of residence from the conference information booklet and thinking your husband should know what his wife does at these conferences, she decided to send me the parts of the report that affected us and, not knowing my first name, addressed it to "Mr". It seems that the P.I. observed the two of you in the lounge on the last night of the conference and from what I recall, it appears that it was much as you described, but when you left, he put the make on at least three other women before he finally left with one of them and went back to her room where he spent the night. Sheffield was again observed by the P.I. when he returned the following night and met you in the lobby. From there you proceeded to have a number of drinks with him in the lounge and you spent a lot of time dancing. The photographs show a move to more and more intimacy on the dance floor. At approximately 9:30 he went to the gift shop where he purchased condoms, then he went to the front desk and registered for a room. Shortly after that he ordered champagne and snacks from room service from a house phone, then the two of you went to his room. Room service arrived moments after you and at about 11:15PM, after almost an hour and a half, you left his room, but not before he came to the door and kissed you goodnight. Did I miss anything?" I was still in too much shock to say anything, so he continued, "By the way, I see, from your "ground rules" that you already know your lover boy is a shoplifter as well. According to the P.I. report, he got caught trying to steal a watch in one of the stores in town." "Walt," I almost shouted out. "I know how awful this looks but I did not sleep with Dan Sheffield." The calmness of his response frightened me more than anything else had to that point. "And in the face of all this evidence and your blatant lie that a couple of drinks in the lounge the night before was all there was to it, I should believe you . . . why?" "Walt, I love you and only you and I swear, I have not done what it looks like I have. Please, please, please let me tell you the whole story." I pleaded. "Patti, the time for telling me the "whole story" would have been when I arrived at the resort or at the very least, a few moments ago when I asked you point blank, "Was that all there was to it?". Right now I am in such a turmoil over this that I can't think straight. What I believed was the most romantic and exciting time I have ever had with you may have been, in reality, almost two weeks of sloppy seconds and that makes me feel ill. Hearing you lie like that to my face just now makes me want to throw up! I'm going to get out for a while to try to clear my head. You better read the report and see the pictures before you try any more lies on me." "No Walt, please don't go. I know this looks bad but it isn't what it looks like, I swear on everything that was ever important to me." Plead as I did, Walt turned away from me but not in time to avoid me seeing the tears well up in his eyes. I watched helplessly as he went straight out the door to his car and drove away. For what seemed like a very long time I did nothing, but I was finally drawn to the Fedex package like a moth to a flame. As bad as things seemed when Walt related all that to me, as I initially glanced through the whole report and the photographs, I could see that it was much worse. The photographs showed us having a drink in the lounge on the last night of the conference, meeting in the lobby the night afterwards, drinking together at the table in the lounge, dancing in the lounge, with the date and time stamps on each picture measuring the time as we progressed to more and more intimate dancing. Two of them showed Dan kissing my cheek while we were on the dance floor. There were pictures of Dan entering and leaving the gift shop, of him at the resort registration desk and of him using the house phone in the lobby. The written report was clearly a part of a much larger report as what we had, began on page 6 with details of Dan's activities during the conference. There was very little damning information until page 7 when it described him being overheard while he tried to get some others to join us in the lounge for a nightcap and on not getting any takers, the report stated that we went on our own. It did support my claim that I returned to my room alone and then went on to show he tried with three other women before scoring and spending the night with the third. The P.I overheard most of our conversation in the lounge. He heard me set down the "ground rules" to Dan, (His room, one time only, one condom, here's what will happen if this ever gets out) he observed Dan buying condoms in the gift shop, registering for a room and ordering champagne and snacks from room service. The report went on to say that we walked together to the room he had just registered for and that I was in there for approximately one hour and twenty minutes. As damning as all that was, the worst was yet to come! The last three pictures showed Dan kissing my cheek as I left his room and me walking back to my room with the look of sheer joy on my face, joy that I felt from making the decision that my marriage to Walt was far more important to me than fucking Dan Sheffield, but who would believe that now? Looking at it, I think I now know what is often referred to as a "just fucked look" but that's not what this was! When I came to, I was disoriented and it took me a while to realize that that I must have fainted. As I gradually regained my senses I was immediately struck by the horror of my situation. In spite of my avowed intention never to do anything that would hurt Walt, I clearly had done exactly that. Walt! Where was he? I looked at the clock and it read 10:43PM. I had no idea how long I had been out or how long Walt had been gone. I tried his cell but there was no answer. I left message after message begging him to call and at least let me know he was O.K. At 11:35PM my phone rang. I grabbed at it at once and called out "Walt!" but as I did I could see that the call was from my sister Barb. "Patti. It's Barb. Are you O.K.?" "Barb, Walt has left me and I can't reach him. He doesn't know what really happened and I need to reach him. I didn't do what he thinks . . . " "PATTI! Calm down!" Barb shouted into the phone. Her loud and seemingly angry voice caught me and I shut up. "Walt is here with Mike but he's in bad shape and it sounds like you're not doing too well either. What the hell has happened? Walt is saying only that things are really bad and that he has left you. What in hell is going on?" "Tell him I love him and I'm so sorry!" I blurted out. "You're sorry! What the hell have you done Patti?" my sister shouted. "Walt is a mess and you sound terrible!" I can't recall much more of the conversation. I was hysterical most of the time, I'm sure. After having listened to me repeat over and over that I hadn't done what Walt thought I had, Barb finally decided to come to see me. That night when I finally calmed down enough to do so, I told my sister the whole story leaving out nothing. I showed her the Fedex package Walt had left behind. After going through it at least twice that I can recall, I remember her staring at me for the longest time and it finally dawned on me that even my own sister was finding it difficult to believe me. She didn't come right out and say it, but she just wasn't sure! She stayed the night and called in sick for me the next day. Walt didn't come home. Barb said he stayed with Mike but that Mike still didn't know what was going on as Walt wouldn't tell him anything other than we had a major falling out and Barb didn't want to discuss it with her husband on the telephone. Barb returned to her home 2 days later when I had finally cried myself out. I was in total despair but after a drug induced rest, I settled down a little! On the third day Walt called. His voice was flat and emotionless as he said, "I guess we have to talk Patti. I've heard the story you told Barb and frankly I find it insulting that in spite of the pictures and the P.I. report, you still insist you haven't been fucking Sheffield. If you are sticking with that story, let's just decide how to divide the spoils and go our separate ways." When I heard that I felt like my chest was being crushed! A few moments later Barb came on the line and although I don't remember exactly what was said, I do recall that she said they were bringing Walt home. Later that afternoon they did what they said they would do and strangely, it was Mike who seemed to take the lead. "You two are exhausted and on edge and we think you need a cooling off period. We suggest you agree not to try to discuss any of this until the weekend. Walt says he will move to the guest bedroom in the front and you Patti can stay in the master suite." By that time I was grasping for anything that would keep us together so I agreed immediately. I made it clear that I would prefer that we continue to share the same room and bed but if Walt needed the space, I would move to a guest room and allow him the continued luxury of our master suite. After a brief discussion during which Walt pointed out there would be much more clothing and toiletries to move if I went to the guestroom, I gave in. After a while, Barb and Mike left and we settled into an uneasy peace. Walt spent most of the evening in the guest room watching TV. I knocked on the door about 6:00 and asked if he wanted dinner to which he replied "No thank you!" About an hour later he came downstairs and put on his jacket. "Where are you going?" I asked? "Patti, I'm not trying to be smart-assed or rude," he said in the gentlest of voices, " but I don't think that's any of your business anymore. When we've finished this "cooling off" period, we'll decide what we're going to do and what you have a right to know about what I'm doing, if anything at all." Then he turned and left. He returned about an hour and a half later and went straight to the guestroom. I didn't sleep much that night as I didn't want to take any more of Barb's sleeping pills. I must have dozed off a few times and about 5:30AM I could hear the shower in the upstairs bathroom. I got up and put some coffee on and it was ready when Walt got downstairs, clearly dressed to go to work. He was surprised to see me and being caught off guard, he accepted a cup of coffee but refused breakfast. As he sat in silence drinking his coffee, he suddenly blurted out, "Damn you Patti! How could you throw everything away like that? What was so great about a roll in the hay with Sheffield that you would give up what we had together?" "I know how bad it looks but I swear Walt, I never had sex with Dan Sheffield! Please bear with me and I'll tell you the whole story." Although I knew it would be difficult . . . very, very difficult to explain my occasional lust for Dan in a manner that Walt wouldn't be threatened by, I gave it my best shot. Before I managed to finish with a truthful step by step description of what happened that night, it was obvious Walt was skeptical at best, but he headed off to work without any further comments. By the time Walt returned home that night after he had given me the chance to tell him the whole truth right down to the "gory" details, I think I was more troubled and more hurt than when he first confronted me with my foolishness. As I carefully examined what had transpired and what my role in it was, it became even more obvious that, from Walt's point of view, I had committed adultery that night, that I had fucked Dan Sheffield. I have to give Walt his due! He had listened intently and did not interrupt but if he wasn't interrupting, the pain, so very visible in his face and his body language, caused me to fumble through my carefully thought out list of the facts as I remember them. That he doubted the veracity of what I told him, he made painfully obvious, but it was what he said next led me to begin to really fear that our marriage might be forever, irreparably damaged. "Even if I were to believe this fantastic tale that, although the pictures and the eyewitness accounts showed you planning, even taking the lead in planning to fuck Sheffield, to the point of setting down the "rules", only to back out at the last minute, yet still spend most of two hours in his room, accept a kiss at the door from a guy you claim you just turned down and walked away from that room with an expression that, in some circles, might be called a "just fucked look". Even if I believed all that, would it make any difference? You still plotted to fuck him while you were married to me!" I found the sadness on his face almost unbearable and I wanted to run and hide my shame for causing it but I knew if I did, it would all be over. With that said, Walt sat down and in spite of his attempts to hold them back, tears ran down his cheeks. Not knowing what else I could do, I simply sat and watched, waiting for any opportunity to ease his pain. I have no idea how long it was but after a while it was if Walt had focused on a thought and for a bit, he was lost in it. Then it was a much different expression as if he had somehow made a discovery or come to some sort of solution and he turned to me and said, "While you so carefully plotted to fuck Dan Sheffield, secretly, so that I would never find out, you forgot me! When you were so consumed with lust for that son-of-a-bitch, you forgot ME, your HUSBAND, the guy you married and promised to love and forsake all others for!" Consequences - Patti Walt had lost his temper, at least for Walt, a few times since all this began but this was the first time I had seen him with tears, great huge tears, running down his cheeks while he literally shouted at me. I found his pain to be almost unbearable but in an instant I knew what I had done. "No Walt, "I said, as calmly as I could manage, "I didn't forget you and if that had been what I had done, I might well have ended up fucking Dan Sheffield. But you are right, I did forget someone. In that moment of lust I forgot me! I think I was thinking of you all through that evening and in believing I had made sure you would never find out and that you would never be hurt, I forgot for a while that I WOULD KNOW and because I love you as much as I do, I would be hurt for you and when I remembered me and what you mean to me, I backed out. I screwed up Walt and I will be forever sorry I did, but it wasn't you I forgot, . . . it was me!" The following days and nights were much the same except for the "talking". I had told everything I knew and Walt was not buying it. He rarely ate at home and kept much to himself during the evening. On the rare occasion we were together our "conversations" were limited to, "Would you like some coffee." "Please pass the milk." And a whole lot of other non-threatening things. We went to work each day and somehow I managed to hold it together in spite of my trepidation that my marriage might come to a crashing end. Then, irony of ironies, I was called in to see, not my boss who is a Divisional Manager, but his boss, who is a vice president, a whole two levels up from mine. I have read enough Literotica to know that this is where Dan Sheffield and I get fired for failing to observe the Company's policy on staff becoming involved, except that I had already checked and we have no such policy. I just assumed they were going to fire me anyway and I was already imagining the embarrassment of being fired for having an affair that I really didn't have but couldn't convince anyone that I didn't. Nothing could have been further from the truth. It turned out that upper management was so pleased with my work on the conference that my name was being sent to the promotion committee for consideration for a Divisional Manager position about to become available due to a retirement. No one at the Company knew what had transpired between Dan and I that night. Clearly I was relieved but my sadness over having caused Walt so much hurt and the possibility of losing him, prevented me from being overly excited about my career success. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. . . they did! I had no idea how Walt would take the news abut my promotion but I knew it wasn't something I would keep from him. I was unprepared for what did happen. After I told him as dispassionately as possible about the promotion, in that all too calm and collected voice, Walt announced that we had to talk about us. Hoping against hope that it would be about putting our marriage back together but deep down, knowing it wasn't likely, I sat and listened. "Patti we are going to have to get some matters settled between us. I can't see us staying together and . . ." "No Walt! Please no. I love you. I screwed up really badly and I hurt you but I believe we can still get past this. I'll do anything you say but please not this . . . not until we've given it more of a try than we have so far . . . please!" "Patti, I can't imagine what I could ask you to do that would make this better. I'm not looking to hurt you back. I'm not trying to be mean. I just think we are going to have to begin the process of getting on with our lives . . . you as much as me. We're still relatively young, we have no kids to worry about and except for the house and some of its contents, there's not much to divvy up. Before you get your promotion, we still make about the same salary, yours is a little higher than mine but not enough to make any difference in whatever settlement we decide on. Besides," he added, "my lawyer tells me that if we continue to stay together like this, it could be construed by the courts as me condoning what you have done and I don't!" "Walt can't we please give it a little longer? Can't we try?" His expression softened noticeably. "What do you have in mind?" "I don't really know but surely after 8 years together we could invest a little more time in trying to save our marriage. Why are you in such a rush to end it? Do you hate me that much?" "It's not that I am in a rush to end the marriage Patti. I think YOU have already done that! I'm encouraging you to co-operate with me to start the process of getting on with our lives. I don't hate you at all! I wish I did, then it wouldn't hurt so much. Up until you decided to go outside the marriage, I felt we had a great one! Out of respect for the good times we did have, I'm trying to be kind and fair. I don't want vengeance, although I'm not disappointed that Sheffield will have to deal with his wife over their marriage that he has put into the toilet, but I'm not badmouthing you to friends and family. I'm willing to cooperate with you to get it done with a minimum of additional pain." "More pain on top of what I have already caused you." I said as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "I can see that you are in pain too Patti. It's obvious that things haven't worked out for you either. It hurts me to think it but I assume you were hoping to have your cake and eat it too; to have me, your loving husband at home while you put some excitement in your life and fucked Sheffield on the side." It was like he had punched me in the stomach. The pain was almost unbearable! My face must have reflected what I felt because Walt's expression changed before my eyes. In his pain and anger he had gone too far and he knew it. His expression softened immediately and the tears came once again. In spite of my hurt I saw my opportunity to try to keep our marriage together at least a little longer, as I heard him say, "I'm sorry Patti. That was a bit much even after what you've done. I am sorry!" "Walt, would you be willing to give me a month? A month together to try to repair the damage I've done?" I had caught him off guard and I could see he was struggling with what I had said but at least he was giving it some thought for what seemed like quite a while, but then his counter proposal floored me. "If we can agree on a formal separation agreement based on our current circumstances that will acknowledge that although we temporarily reside in the same house, we are formally separated from our marriage and our financial settlement will be based on our current circumstances and most importantly, it will formally show that I certainly do not condone your behavior. That way no one can accuse me of holding off to benefit in any way from any salary increase due to your pending promotion." I argued that we didn't need to have such an agreement and that if, in one month of trying, we couldn't make enough progress in repairing our marriage, we could come to an agreement then, even if it would mean that I would assume a larger share of whatever costs there were, but Walt would have no part of it. We argued for a while but Walt was adamant and in order to get the month I so desperately wanted, I gave in. Two days later, John Hitchens, our friend and lawyer drew up the document. Although I had already agreed, I was reluctant to sign, as it seemed like it was just one more step in the dissolution of our marriage, in fact, it WAS a dissolution of our marriage as it was a formal separation agreement. About 4 nights after that confrontation, the phone rang and Walt answered. "Hello. . . . . This is Walt Forester. . . .. Who?" then a very long pause followed by "Yes, I do know who you are." Another pause then, "No I'm not just now." Pause "Yes I will do that. When and where?" Walt took a pen and began to write on the notepad he keeps by the phone. "I have that." He said. "I'll be there. If you encounter any problems you can reach me at this number." And he proceeded to give out his cell phone number. Walt does not normally give out that number! Immediately upon finishing the call and without a word, he went to the guest room, returning moments later, obviously dressed to go out. I started to inquire but the look on his face and my recollection of his response the last time I asked where he was going, left me to bear my concern in silence as he walked out the door. I was in our bedroom trying unsuccessfully to sleep when I heard the garage door open and then, moments later, close. Walt must have been taking care to be quiet as I didn't hear anything else. The clock said "1:37 AM". Sleep came in fits and starts and I must have finally dozed off just prior to normal waking time as Walt was showered and gone when I got up. I decided to get off to work myself. I worked a little later that day, trying to catch up on work missed during my earlier absences. I was relieved to find Walt home when I finally arrived. Although I didn't feel like eating, it was at least an opportunity to speak to him by offering to fix dinner but he calmly declined adding his thanks for the offer and that he was going out for dinner. Through that evening I began to wonder if I would collapse under the pressure caused by my stupid behavior, but I managed to get by. At about 11:15, Walt returned. After removing his coat and shoes he headed for our bar and began to fix himself a drink, asking, as he did, if I wanted anything. Desperate for any communication with him, I asked for a single malt, neat and when he handed it to me, I sat down across from him and began to sip the liquor. He seemed different, not as morose, not as angry, not as lost and it made me fearful as I understand people get that way when they have made a difficult but important decision. "I had lunch with Barb and Mike today." He said casually. "She and Mike have been very supportive!" "Oh" I responded weakly, then, foolishly blurted out, "I wish I were able to count on Barb for more support than she's given me so far." I immediately regretted my words but Walt smiled a little and said, "Well you seem to have gotten some . . . "support" as you put it from a very unexpected source. I also had supper with Anne Marie Sheffield. It seems that your Mr. Sheffield has backed up your story. Marie is convinced that, this time at least, he's telling the truth. He too insists that you turned him down after initially having agreed to fuck him. I can't figure out if he's trying to get back in his wife's favor by taking this tack or what, but as she points out, his fault lies in trying to convince you to fuck him and that you turned him down does nothing to assuage his guilt, therefore she thinks it's the truth." "It IS the truth!" I blurted out but he continued as if he hadn't heard me. "Logic tells me that given that you did plot to do it, I shouldn't be all that impressed, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'm happy you didn't. I do love you Patti but I've spent most of the last few days wishing I didn't. That way it wouldn't hurt so much. I don't know what to say or what to do. There doesn't seem to be a guidebook for what to say to a wife who apparently wants to fuck some other guy. There is no formula for how to manage it. It seems that Sheffield's wife has set some conditions by which she will remain in the marriage. Apparently the promiscuity and the kleptomania are connected to some personal emotional issues and his inordinate need for adrenalin rush, so she is willing to stand by him if he gets help for them. I think she's nuts . . . but it's her life." I decided not to comment and we lapsed into an uneasy silence until Walt said goodnight and headed to his room. Once again he was gone when I got up the next day but he had left a note saying he would be very late getting home. It was funny, but even though the note gave no reason for his lateness, the fact that he left one made me a little happier. After another lonely breakfast, I had fixed myself a second coffee and was about to try to pack my briefcase when our phone rang. The call display said "D. Sheffield" and I was reluctant to answer but couldn't resist. It took me a moment to realize the caller was a woman and by the time I had organized my thoughts, I knew it was Ann Marie Sheffield. "Walt's not in just now." I said without paying any attention to what she had said to me. "It's you I would like to speak to Mrs. Forester." She replied. "I'm in Atlanta this week and I would appreciate it if you would meet me for lunch." I was more than a little shocked and really didn't pay all that much attention to what was actually being said but in the end I had agreed to meet her at the airport Marriott at 1:00PM. For the entire morning I was asking myself how do you handle something like this? What do you say to the wife of a man you have lusted after for quite some time? How do you handle conversation with the wife of someone you are suspected of fucking. How do you handle it when you know damn well you didn't fuck him? Given all the real problems in my life just now I smiled at my own idiocy in worrying about such stupid things. After stumbling through the morning at the office, I headed out for what I was now thinking of as my "command performance". I thought through what I might say and how, in general, I might handle myself but my preparations all went for naught as when I arrived, it was not Ann Marie but Dan Sheffield himself who was waiting to have lunch with me. Again, it was a while before I could overcome my shock and while I was trying to compose myself I remember thinking that he had no right to look as well as he did. In fact, I thought, he should look terrible, but he didn't. He did look a little sad but nothing like what I felt. "I'm sorry about the deception." He said, apparently with sincerity, "but we didn't think you would accept an invitation from me." "What is this all about Dan? The last thing you and I should be doing is having lunch. You may have been able to hold your marriage together and I'm happy for you but I have already seriously damaged mine and being here with you is not likely to help me any!" "Actually, it was my wife who insisted on me meeting you and expressing my apology in person and I'm quite sure," he added with no little sarcasm, "that given how much she and your husband have been in touch lately, he already knows we are meeting here!" I was having a hard time following all of this! "Patti, I do want to apologize to you for my part in all your troubles. I am very sorry and I hope you and Walt manage to work things out." "Thank you Dan but my problems are of my own making, you just happened to be the other person. I'm responsible for what I did and although I am working like hell to get Walt to forgive me, whether he does or doesn't, it will be a very long time before I forgive me. For anything you may have done to me, which is little or nothing I didn't allow to happen myself, you are truly forgiven. I have to say, however, that I am very uncomfortable being here with you, given my status with my husband and I'd be more comfortable if I left before he, or someone who knows me, sees me here before I can tell him about it." I saw a wave of sadness pass over his face as he said, "As I already told you, he probably knows about this. Although I admit that I'm not really happy about it, he and Ann Marie are having lunch together as we speak. I don't know where, only that they are! Annie has not seen fit to share that information with me. I am aware that they have spent a lot of time together since Annie and I came to Atlanta." he added, making his concern rather visible. I wish I could say that that news didn't frighten me, but it did, but it also didn't change the fact that I was very uncomfortable and as quickly as I could, I brought the meeting to an end in spite of pleas from Dan to join him for lunch. I went back to the office and as we were moving into transition mode with me moving to my new post and my colleague and friend Janice Rains moving in to take over from me, we were quite busy and I briefly forgot the bizarre events of this afternoon. They returned full force however, as I drove home that evening and they were reinforced when I entered an empty home, remembering only then that Walt was going to be late. The note Walt left me was still on the kitchen table; the note that had given me brief happiness because he had left it for me, now, knowing he might well be with "Annie", brought only trepidation. I picked at my food for a while then finally threw it into the garbage and cleaned up the plates. I tried watching television but missed most of the shows as I wore a path in the carpet while walking to the window to see if Walt was returning home. I fixed myself a drink and downed it in no time, then fixed another. I might well have downed it too but it occurred to me that whatever form our next conversation took, I had better be sober. I changed for bed but remained up in our living room trying to watch TV. I dozed off a few times but I was wide awake at 2:37AM when I heard Walt's car turn into our drive. I had just reached the bottom of the staircase when he entered the house. Concern covered his face as he blurted out, "Patti are you O.K.? You did get my note didn't you? You knew I was going to be late!" "Yes Walt, thank you. I did know. I . . . I thought I'd wait up to tell you about lunch today." Walt's face showed something I couldn't quite interpret. When he first came through the door he seemed concerned for me but the "lunch" topic seemed to change that. "I understand you may already know but I wanted to tell you that I met with Dan Sheffield at lunch today. I didn't stay. I . . . I . . . " I was struggling with what to say next, not having thought any of this through in spite of my long evening wait. "Patti, thank you. You are right, Annie did tell me that part of what she and Dan are going through involved him apologizing to you in person, but Patti . . ." he paused, clearly considering what he was about to say, "I appreciate your willingness to be open but you do know we are legally separated now. You don't have to tell me where you were or who you were with. As mean as I feel saying this, I cannot let it pass. If it's at all that important, then, telling me where you were and who you were with is something you should have been doing well before we were separated." "Believe me Walt, I know that and more than you could ever know, I wish I had, but wishing doesn't make it so." I answered with far more composure than I actually felt. Later, when sleep would not come, I reviewed every detail of that brief conversation and I didn't like what I heard. In addition to taking a shot by reminding me I should have talked to him about Dan before, when we weren't separated, he made it clear that, just as I was no longer obligated to tell him anything, he was, by extension, free to keep his whereabouts and his company to himself as well. It was an awful night! "Annie!" Had he called her "Annie"? Regardless, I was determined to be up when he was and to be as cool as I could be. I had coffee ready when he came downstairs and was ready to make some breakfast but he settled for a toasted bagel. "Walt, when can we take some time to talk about how we can save our marriage?" I asked calmly. He seemed to give it some thought then replied, " Patti I don't think you really have any idea how all this has made me feel! You are so focused on what you want, to have your intended infidelity put behind us, to have tried to take a timeout from our marriage to satisfy your own lust with impunity, that you can't seem to see how it has impacted on me. What about what I want Patti? Why shouldn't we talk about what I want?" Consequences - Patti "We should Walt! We should, but you'll have to tell me what you want." "I want a marriage to a woman whom I love and who loves me, someone who loves me enough to trust me and tell me what she has done and not leave me to find out on my own. I'm not expecting perfection Patti. You have faults as do I, but when the chips were down and you apparently decided not to fuck Dan Sheffield for whatever reason, you also decided you didn't trust in my love enough to tell me what you had done and left me to find out on my own. What was it that led you not to trust me and my love for you Patti? And, while I'm on a roll here, what happens next time you give into your lust? What if you don't chicken out at the last minute? Where the hell does that leave me?" Walt was shouting angrily as he reached the last of this tirade. There were tears in his eyes and through them I could see pain, the very pain I had intended he never feel. "There will never ever be a next time Walt. This one time has made me so frightened of losing you and all we have together that I would never ever consider doing anything like this again. I swear I won't." I replied, once again sounding, at least to myself, a lot more calm than I actually felt. "Patti, I want to believe you, I really do, but you have already lied to me and that makes believing you very difficult. You were the one to ask for time so you will just have to wait while I try to sort through it all." "Are you seeing Anne Marie Sheffield?" I blurted out. Walt's look was one of indignation. "Surely you aren't about to criticize me on this after what you've done. At least I'm not plotting to fuck her!" And with that last comment he turned and left for work! I have no idea how I got through work that day. I suppose that they just expect you to be at least a little bit bewildered when you start a new job as no one seemed to notice my distraction and if they did, they didn't comment on it! Clearly, no one in the office knew about my tryst with the Executive Vice President of Operations for our Company. For the next week or so things went on from there with little change except for the fact that I was growing more anxious and fearful by the day. My "month" was passing rapidly and we had made no noticeable progress. I had been getting very little sleep and my exhaustion was beginning to fray my nerves. Interestingly enough, looking back, I can see that the turning point was when I was just about as low as I could get. I really don't remember the exact words I used but I do remember having prepared a speech to deliver to Walt when he arrived home after another evening out, but when he finally arrived, I was so overtired and distraught that with tears running down my cheeks, I blurted out something like, "Walt, I know this is all my fault. I know I caused it but I am so afraid that I've lost you; that you're having an affair and you're going to leave me. I know you said you weren't, but I'm so confused and afraid that you are using what I've done to justify lying to me. I used to be so sure of your love and so sure of you and now I'm not and . . . and . . . I'm afraid!" I don't know how to describe the look on his face but it was different than the hurt and angry looks I've gotten used to lately. "Well . . . that's really tough isn't it Patti? It hurts when you're not so sure of your spouse's love and it is frightening when you're no longer sure of your spouse. . . isn't it? . . . Well God Damn! Maybe you finally have some idea of what it's like for me!" I have no recollection of what happened then. I think Walt simply left me there and went on to bed. I was so taken back with what he said, I didn't pay any attention. After a while, I realized I was alone so I went to bed but this time, I think, with a much clearer notion of what Walt had been going through. I tossed and turned all night but, in spite of my restlessness, I overslept the next morning and Walt was gone before I made a mad dash to avoid being too late for work. The day seemed interminable! I must have checked the time a dozen times or more that afternoon before it was finally quitting time. I was already exhausted and by the time I got home I could barely stay awake. Like a zombie, I ate a little dinner then went right off to bed. Sometime in the night I woke and wondered if I had been dreaming or had Walt really had dinner ready when I got home? In the morning Walt had coffee on by the time I got downstairs but he left before I could ask. When I got home the following evening, supper wasn't ready but as had been common before my idiocy, Walt had it started. We spoke briefly that night. Walt told me that it had made him feel a lot better to see that I was feeling something of the insecurity he was feeling and he suggested that although no promises would be made, he would be willing to extend the one month "deadline" he had earlier agreed to. For the next few weeks there was a noticeable thaw in our relationship. Whatever he had going with Anne Marie must have been dealt with or, pray to God, was over, as he was home in the evenings. One weekend I was encouraged by the fact that Walt had invited Barb and Mike over for a barbeque dinner on the Saturday evening. It was a little awkward at first but we soon fell into old habits and I enjoyed the evening immensely. During the following week, Walt was almost his old self except that we were still sleeping apart. I wanted him so badly that I decided to risk his rejection by asking but I decided to set the scene first. That Saturday night I prepared his favorite meal, roast beef with baked potato and Yorkshire pudding with an excellent Australian Shiraz and Key Lime sherbet for dessert. Walt seemed to enjoy his supper and poured two brandies for us after dinner. After accepting his compliments on the meal, I girded myself and asked, "Walt, I would like to sleep in your bed with you tonight. May I . . . please?" Walt seemed to be impassively considering my request and I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable waiting for an answer when he said, "No Patti . . ." I could feel my heart breaking but then he added, " but I do have a counter offer." My disappointment overran my picking up on the "counter offer" for a few moments but the look on Walt's face was kind of amused and when his words finally got through, I managed to ask, "What's your counter offer?" "If you would agree, I would rather we sleep together in our bed, in our room right after I move my things back in!" I can't describe the joy I felt just then. The words and phrases that come to mind are, in the final analysis, inadequate. I would like to tell you that we made mad passionate love that night, resulting in multiple orgasms for both of us, but that isn't what happened. We were awkward and fumbling but we managed to get past it and over the following months we regained much of our sexual intimacy but the consequences of my night with Dan Sheffield have been far reaching and on-going. Although no where near as often these days, some 10 years later, I sometimes catch Walt in a brief daze and I can once again see the pain in his expression as I suspect, he involuntarily relives those awful days and nights. I still have difficulty holding back my tears when that happens. I know too that, over all these years, Walt has occasionally checked up on me when I was late getting home or attending some event without him. As recently as last month, (after 10 years and two wonderful children, both sons) I was attending a women's fashion show and dinner in support of our local hospital. I was there with a neighbor and some of the women from work and as we left the hotel that night, I thought I spotted Walt following our car and it still is painful to realize that my actions caused this paranoia in such a wonderful man. That said, it's a hell of a lot better than being without Walt in my life and so, with great regret, I accept the consequences of my behavior with a firm promise to myself to never again, willingly do anything that could endanger our marriage and cause my husband such pain.