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Consequences - Eve

By: thecelt



This is the first in a series of stories about consequences. 

Thanks to Angel Love for her comments and editing.

My name is Eve. I'm married to a man named John Constantine. We met and married when I was twenty-three and he was twenty-six. He has a brother, Robert, a little older than he and they both lived with their father Salvatore and their mother, Charity. Bobby was married and his wife Celina lived there with him. They were a wonderful, close-knit family. 

I have no family. My mother and father both died of cancer when I was still in my early teens and I was raised by an Aunt Flossy that took me in only because she felt it was her duty and she wanted the money from my trust fund. There were no grandparents on either side so she was my only living relative. She raised me as a strict Catholic and made me go to church every week. I know she hated me so I did as she asked and worked very hard to stay out of her sight. In that way, we tolerated each other until I was eighteen. On that wonderful day, I packed up my few things and left. She didn't even bother to say goodbye. 

I knew that when I turned eighteen, my trust fund would be under my control. It had been paying my aunt a nice sum each month since my mother died. She followed my father within a year of his death and before she died, she had all of their assets converted to a cash endowment that she set up for me. When I met the banker who was in charge of it, he told me that it would give me a nice allowance if I continued to allow him to manage it. I told him that was fine and he could continue in charge if he promised me that Aunt Flossy would no longer get anything. He assured me that was the case. 

But, he informed me that I could go to college and the fund would pay the tuition and living expenses if I chose, or I could just take the money. I decided to let it stay and only took enough to go to a local trade school where I trained to be a dental hygienist. I wanted fast and local and I wanted to be able to make my own way. I took a job with a dentist close to my apartment and began my career. True to his word, the fund paid the tuition and still gave me a small allowance each month. 

Salvatore and his sons worked in construction, Sal as a supervisor and his boys as laborers. John was a bricklayer and Robert was a finisher. They worked well together. They had always worked as a team. They wouldn't take separate jobs and they went where Sal went. He in turn kept them working and made sure they always had jobs. It was a tight family.

That's how I met John. I was going to school downtown next door to one of the projects they were working on. I came out of the building at lunch and breaks to get some air and get away from the other students who were all older than me. That's where this cute well-built guy saw me and began to talk to me. He told me his name was John and we began to look forward to seeing each other on my school days. We hit it off very well and one day he asked me out on a date. I refused the first time he asked but accepted the next. We enjoyed each other and we became a couple. We dated for eight months before John asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were married in a big ceremony with all of his friends and family and I became Eve Constantine, wife of John Constantine. 

Rather than live with his parents, John moved into my apartment where we lived for the next several years until we were able to purchase a small house. We had a good life, me working four days a week and him bringing in good money. We talked about kids but decided to wait. We were happy and we enjoyed each other and his family. I especially like Celina, Bobby's wife. Bobby and Celina were at our place almost as often as we went to John's parents. Celina once told me she just enjoyed getting away form Sal and Charity once in a while. She loved them but wanted some privacy. 

Robert, John and their father Salvatore Constantine had started a small construction business soon after John and I were married. It had been a dream for all of them and now that both sons were married, Salvatore decided the time had come for them to join him and build a business that would provide for their children. Celina and I agreed and we both took jobs to help out during that time. Celina worked in a law office with fourteen lawyers as a receptionist and I still worked as a dental hygienist. We made enough to help our men through the startup and were happy to do it. 

Things were rough for the first two years but as the quality of their work became known, jobs became more steady and the profits began to build. They were able to hire some additional laborers and the company continued to grow. After two more years we were finally able to make some life decisions. John and I had been married now for just over five years.

Bobby and Celina became pregnant and she quit her job when she was five months gone. As the business did well, I dropped down in my hours until I was only working one or two days a week. I tried to keep my hand in while John and I worked on making a baby ourselves but without success. We were having fun trying though so we were content. Things continued unchanged for another year or so before disaster struck.

We had been married now for a little more than seven years and we were no further along in trying to start our family. Bobby and Celina's little girl was sixteen months old and a bundle of energy. Celina was a great mother and she and the baby were at our place all the time. I loved that little girl and Celina and I were as close as sisters. Things were great. 

It was sometime during September of that year when Celina told me she was pregnant again and she wanted to tell her folks in person so she was going to take the baby and visit her mother in upstate New York. It was a four hour drive and she wanted me to go with them but I had already agreed to work another girl's shift since she was to be in her sister's wedding. It was too late to back out and I stayed behind. Celina couldn't wait to tell her mom so it was that they left early that morning without me. I would wonder about that over and over in the next few years and I often wished that I had been with them. But, I didn't think any more about it then.

I only worked a four hour shift that day so I was home by early afternoon. I still remember John coming home from work early that day. I asked him what he was doing home so early and he just looked at me. His face showed so much pain that I immediately went to him to see where he was hurt, but he just reached for me and pulled me tightly to his chest. He held me that way without saying anything until I started to become afraid. I pushed back and asked him what was wrong. I remember his exact words.

"They're both gone, Evie. Celina and baby Jess, gone. So quick, so very quick. Bobby is devastated. He's almost going crazy but mom and dad are with him. But they're both gone Evie. They're dead and gone." 

John was crying and still holding me tight against his chest but I pushed back and tried to grab his arms to get some control.

"What are you talking about? Celina and baby Jess were going to her mother's place. They're not gone, they're just off visiting. Calm down baby."

John was shaking his head violently back and forth. He was shaking and he again reached out for me but I moved back out of his reach.

"John! Talk to me. What's wrong with you? John?" I felt like I should slap him but I was afraid to with him this far out of control.

"They were killed in a car crash on the interstate. They're both dead Evie. They're dead! Gone! Don't you understand? They both died in a car crash and now they're gone."

Suddenly it hit me. He was telling me they were both dead. Celina and Jess, both dead. Oh, my God. Did Bobby know? Yes, John said he was with his mom and dad. 

"Oh God, how can he stand it? He must be crushed! I can't believe the pain he must be in."

I knew how he felt. I watched my mother die of cancer and I understood death. But this was different: a vital, beautiful wife and a precious new daughter both gone in a flash! This kind of death was more cruel. It gave you no time to make peace or to say goodbye. 

Over the next few weeks, following the double funeral, Bobby tried to return to the job but John said that he was not really with it and Sal had to send him home several times because he kept making dumb mistakes and once he almost caused another worker a serious injury. John watched without being able to do much more than be there. He was suffering because his brother was suffering.

But, like all things, life had to go forward. We had been trying to get pregnant but without success. John and I talked about it and decided that to have a baby now would be in the best interests of everyone, including Bobby. It would give him something to focus on and it would do wonders for Sal and Charity as well. We continued to try. 

Bobby was slowly coming back and he would spend a lot of time with us, especially on weekends when the job didn't occupy his mind. He had taken to drinking a little too much but so far it was not out of control. He never got angry or aggressive so we just let him have his time alone. He would go out onto the porch and spend most of the afternoon there while John and I did things around the house. Bobby got to be almost like a fixture around the house.

Sal had made a bid on a job in Fort Wayne, about four hours or so away and he wanted Bobby and John to go over to the job site and talk to the builder. The bid had been tentatively accepted but there were some details that needed to be worked out. John agreed but Bobby pleaded another engagement or something and said he couldn't go. They argued about it but finally John agreed to go by himself. It was only a few hours out of the day and he would be home by late evening. Bobby went off to be by himself and the subject was forgotten.

In bed that evening, John and I talked about Bobby. John was worried that he was beginning to slip back into a depression and wanted me to promise to watch him very closely for a while. I agreed, of course and we made love, trying again for the baby we both wanted so much. John had always been a patient lover and I was always satisfied with our love life. A baby would be welcome but John and I were still in love, more so than when we were married. Everything we had been through had only intensified our devotion to each other.

John left for the site early Tuesday of the following week. He took the truck and his surveying equipment and promised to be home by that evening. He reminded me to keep an eye on Bobby when he left and I promised. I wasn't working that day so I was home by myself when Bobby showed up. It was just 11:00 in the morning and I wondered why he was there so early. 

"Bobby, what are you doing here so early? Why aren't you working? You said you had something to do so you couldn't go with John."

Bobby just shrugged his shoulders and looked at the floor. He was being funny and I was beginning to worry. He didn't seem to be his usual self. 

"Well, come in if you want to. I don't know what's going on but John asked me to watch out for you so come in."

Bobby came in, stood in the kitchen for a few minutes and then walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer and headed for the porch. That was normal. A beer and solitude. I forgot about him as I went about my normal chores for the day. Bobby could take care of himself for a while. 

It was just after lunch when I went out to find Bobby. He wasn't there but I knew he hadn't left so I went in search of him and found him in the den, sound asleep on the couch. I watched him for a minute but finally decided to let him sleep. He couldn't get into trouble if he was sleeping. 

It was just a few minutes past 5:00 when John called to tell me the truck had stopped running. He hadn't left yet and the truck was in a repair shop now. He didn't know what was up but promised to call as soon as he found out anything. I wanted him to leave the truck and rent a car to come home but he wanted to wait and see if the truck could be fixed. All of his equipment was in the truck and he didn't want to leave it if he didn't have too. I hung up and waited. 

Bobby seemed to be both sober and calm this evening so that was a good thing. I watched TV with him until John called just about 8:30. 

"Hey, honey. We got the parts for the truck and it'll be fixed first thing in the morning so I'm going to grab a room and stay. They promised to be on the job by 7:00 tomorrow morning so I should be able to get back by noon. OK babe?"

"Hurry home tomorrow and sleep well. Think about me tonight when you sleep by yourself in that lonely bed."

He promised, laughed and then asked about Bobby. When I told him that he had been there all day and that he was sleeping over tonight, he seemed to be more pleased than anything. I thought he would be upset that he stayed here with nothing to do rather than go with him but John didn't see it that way. He thought Bobby was safer there with me than if he had gone along. The way he explained it was that the delay would probably have started a fight between them, so this was preferable to John. I didn't see it that way, but he was his brother. We talked for a few more minutes and then parted. 

Since it was already late, I decided to go to bed and stuck my head in the family room to tell Bobby. I saw that he was already asleep on the couch so I just covered him with a throw that we kept on the back of the couch. He was sound asleep and didn't stir so I turned off the TV and went upstairs to bed. John would be home early so I wanted to get to sleep so I could be up and ready when he got home. 

I dreamed that night about the loneliness that Bobby had to be feeling and it was enough to wake me. I glanced at the clock which showed 3:15. I had been asleep for almost four hours and now I was not that sleepy. I decided to go down for a late night or early morning snack. If I had some warm milk, it might put me back in the mood to sleep for a couple more hours. I went down the steps being careful not to wake Bobby.

I went into the kitchen and, leaving the light off, got the milk into a pan and on the stove before I heard a noise coming from the family room. I listened and heard it again. I thought it sounded like crying, or rather sobbing. I held my breath and listened and sure enough that's what it was. I quietly moved to the doorway into the room and listened again. It was Bobby! I could see him now, sitting on the couch with his head in his hands and his shoulders moving up and down, sobbing in deep heart wrenching gasps. I went back to the kitchen, turned off the stove and went to comfort Bobby.

I sat down next to him, put my arms around him and pulled his head to my shoulder. I held him with both arms and began to rock him back and forth, talking to him, saying anything I could think of to try to calm him down.

"It's OK baby. Just let it go. That's it, just let it out. It's OK to cry. That's it."

I spoke to him over and over till I felt him begin to relax in my arms. I felt the warm tears on my shoulder and I felt only pity in my heart. I only wanted to comfort him and make the pain go away. I just held him as he calmed down. I wasn't even thinking of what I was wearing until I felt him move his head from my shoulder over to my breasts. I suddenly felt his warm breath on my skin through the thin, almost transparent nightgown I was wearing. It was John's favorite and I was thinking of him when I put it on last night. I always slept nude except for a light nightgown and I suddenly remembered it when I felt his breath. 

I started to let him go when he put his arms around me. He pulled me around until I was almost facing him and I felt his hand begin to move down between my legs as his mouth took my nipple through the wispy film of cloth covering it . I was suddenly confused and afraid. I didn't know what to do! This wasn't right! I was about to say this to Bobby when he put his hand behind my head and pulled my lips to his. He pressed his lips to mine with a hard, almost savage kiss while I was still in shock. He forced his tongue between my pliant lips and his hand traveled beneath the gown and found the valley between my legs. He forced his finger up inside me and I gasped at the invasion.

This was getting out of hand very quickly but in the back of my mind, I knew that Bobby was reacting out of his grief and his pain. I wanted to stop him but I didn't want to make him feel worse by becoming angry. I had to get control somehow without making him feel even worse. I started to pull away and tell him to stop when he moved his mouth back to my nipples and began to suckle like a baby. The resulting feeling was one of compassion and I was overwhelmed with love for him. Rather than move away as I had planned, I simply held his head as he suckled. With one hand, he untied the belt of my nightie and pulled it off my shoulders to give him better access and I allowed it. I began to relax and let the pleasure of his mouth overtake me. 

Bobby sucked on first one and then the other nipple while I let my head fall back against the couch. He had two fingers inside me now and he was slowly moving them in and out. The feelings of love and compassion were still driving me and I allowed Bobby to use my body to give him relief. I felt him move up over me and when he pushed me down to my back on the couch, I offered no resistance. He pulled off my nightie completely and I watched as he slid his pants down to his feet. I actually reached out to help him pull his cock out of his boxers but he simply pulled them down as well. 

He bent over me and I could feel him rub his hard cock against my lower lips. I surrendered to what I knew was going to happen and felt his cock slip inside me. I lifted my hips up to take him fully inside and I pushed against him until he drove me down into the cushions of the couch. He took me savagely and powerfully, letting his grief and pain out in this coupling. I wrapped my legs around his hips and urged him on. Let me take his pain! I gripped him tight as he began to pump frantically into me and then after only a short time, he tensed. I could feel his cock pulse inside me and then I felt his seed spray my insides.

Bobby collapsed onto me and I took his full weight. It was not uncomfortable and I still had my arms and legs around him. I was filled with compassion for this poor man who had lost so much so quickly. He needed me and I gave to him to ease his pain and his suffering. I knew what we had done could never be revealed to John or to his parents. While I gave in sympathy and compassion, John would never understand that. Bobby meant nothing to me other than as family. I gave to him as I would to John if John needed me. There was love, but not the love that led to lust. This was love of family. 

Bobby finally rose up and moved off of me. He saw my nakedness and he quickly turned his head to find his own clothing. When he let me up, I got my nightgown and put it on, for all the modesty it provided. Bobby pulled on his pants and sat back down on the couch.

"You must hate me for this. I don't know what came over me. I just needed someone and you were so understanding and your voice was soft and I just lost control. Can you forgive me? Please?"

Instead of answering, I simply reached for his hand. I urged him to stand and looked into his face.

"You were in pain and I gave you what I could to help. You mustn't be sorry. I allowed you to have my body to ease your pain and suffering. That's all it was."

Bobby's face broke into a smile and he seemed to be relieved. He was searching for words to express his feelings when I simply took him by the hand and led him to my bedroom. 


Consequences - Eve



"Stay the night with me. Let me help you to forget, if just for this one night."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I can give you this, but only this one time."

He followed me to my room. I slipped off my nightgown, slid in under the covers and watched as he undressed and slid in on the other side. I held out my arms and he moved against me, both of us laying on our sides. He was already hard so I helped guide him inside me again. This time it was more controlled and he took much more care not to hurt me or cause me discomfort. After several minutes of this, I moved over him and this time I mounted him. I let my body tell me what to do and I began to rise up, almost releasing him and then dropping back down, forcing his cock in as far as it would go. I maintained this motion for several minutes, watching his face relax. I bent over to allow my ample breasts to come within reach of his mouth and felt a surge of pleasure when he took my nipple between his teeth. I moved faster at that and I could feel a climax approaching. It would be my first as I had not cum before. 

Bobby realized what I was feeling and he began to move up to meet my downward trusts. We were now fucking! Before, it was love and compassion; this was not. This was lust and I suddenly realized that it was wrong for me to feel this way. I began to slow down but Bobby had my hips in both hands and was pulling me tightly to him as his hips drove upwards into me. I felt the panic begin to build and was about to say something and stop but it was too late. My climax was on me and I came! Bobby felt the contraction and he came inside me as well. 

I collapsed on top of him and tried to control my breathing and my heart. I felt the calm come slowly and finally moved off and rolled onto my back. I was spent but my mind was in turmoil. I realized what I had done just as I climaxed. I had not done this out of compassion! I had fucked my brother in lust! I felt the shame wash over me and I wanted to cry, but I couldn't let Bobby see that. I got up and went into the bathroom to wash my crime away. I cried as I looked at myself in the mirror. I had betrayed my husband twice, first in pity but then in lust. The sickness overcame me and I went to my knees over the toilet. My stomach contracted and I was violently ill. I remained there for what seemed hours but finally rose and washed my face. I avoided my reflection in the mirror.

When I came out of the bathroom, Bobby had left the room. I went out into the hall looking for him but heard the front door slam shut. He was gone. In a way, I was glad since I wasn't looking forward to talking to him tonight. Maybe after it had become less painful. I went back to bed but didn't sleep at all the rest of that night. 

The next few days were difficult for me. John wasn't aware of anything wrong since I made no mention of what had happened, and Bobby hadn't been around since he left that night. John and I made love when he came home the next day and I admit, I was more forceful than usual, trying to erase what had happened with Bobby from my mind. I could enjoy lust with my husband and I did. Several times. John loved it and wondered but I simply told him I was having so much fun trying to have a baby. My love for John finally gave me the peace to forget Bobby. 

Bobby came by the end of that week and he and I just smiled at each other, behaving as we usually did toward the other and it seemed fine. In a quiet moment, I told Bobby that we needed to forget anything happened and he assured me that it was exactly the way he felt. We parted in agreement and things went back to normal. Bobby did seem to be in better spirits and he began to take an interest in work again. John and Sal both commented on it and both felt he was finally over the hump. I hoped that I had been able to make that much of a difference but if I did, it would be my secret.

John and I continued to work on making our family but nothing seemed to happen. I was late on my period but that was not unusual. I had been as much as three months late before without being pregnant, so I thought nothing about it yet. John was getting more and more depressed and decided to go see the doctor. I just laughed and told him to just wait it out since we were still having fun trying. It had not yet become a chore. He finally agreed and things went on.

It was two months later that I finally knew for sure that I was pregnant. John and I had been trying now for over a year and it finally happened. I looked at the plastic stick in my hand again just to be sure but it had two pink lines. Pregnant! I almost wept for joy for it had been so long in coming. I put the stick in a small plastic bag and stuck it in the trash. I didn't want John to see it until I could put together a little surprise for when I told him. I was Pregnant!!! I was almost too happy to contain myself. But, I wanted it to be perfect when I told John. 

I spent the afternoon shopping for a new nightgown and some items for dinner that I knew would make John very happy. I put together a magnificent meal of lobster with drawn butter, steak medium rare, baked potato with sour cream and chives, a vegetable dish of cauliflower, peas and carrots and a chocolate cake with ice cream for dessert. I wanted it to be perfect so I made each dish carefully, using the recipes that Charity had given me. I called John to confirm that he would be home by 6:30 and planned my dinner for then. Everything was ready. 

I went upstairs just before John was due to arrive and put on my new nightgown. It was so shear that it was as if I was wearing nothing. I slipped on the matching robe of silk that only served to make everything underneath look more mysterious. Neither the nightgown nor the robe was designed to hide, only to entice. That was what I was going for. John would be tempted early but I would make him eat first, then I would give him the news and finally he would take me to bed where I would show him my love and devotion to him and our new family. 

The evening went as I planned. John was home on time, he came in and was caught by surprise by the way I was dressed, but I wouldn't tell him anything. I had set the places before and the table looked beautiful. I served the dishes and watched in pleasure as John's face lit up. We actually spent a pleasant hour at dinner and I even enjoyed the meal. For a few minutes, I forgot my news and enjoyed the conversation and the food with my husband. It was perfect. More than perfect, it was extraordinary. 

I waited until we had finished and told John to go into the family room and I would bring coffee in. I put coffee on as I put away the remaining lobster and meat. I would let everything else go till morning. 

I fixed the coffee, put everything on a tray and carried it into the family room. I set it on the coffee table and sat beside John on the couch while I fixed our coffees. Once he was settled back, I sighed and relaxed. Now was the time.

"You probably wondered why I fixed you this special meal and why I am dressed this way. I have something to tell you and I wanted it to be perfect."

John was looking at me now and I saw a small look of worry cloud his face. I decided to make this quick so as not to worry him. 

"It's nothing bad, John. It is the best news in the world. You know how hard we have been trying to have a baby? Well, guess what! You're going to be a father!"

I watched him, waiting for the light to come into his eyes and turn the face I loved into a picture of joy and love. But instead, I saw a frown begin and then a look of anger come over him turning the face I loved into a mask of contempt. I was lost. What had happened? He wanted children as much as I did so why was he angry? I moved back away from him at the hate I saw in his face and began to cry. What was wrong?

"John, what's the matter? Why are you looking at me that way? This is our baby! This is what we have been striving for. This is what we wanted. Please, talk to me. What's wrong?"

John seemed to struggle with himself, trying to make the words come out but all he did was stutter and spit, his face was so contorted. He fought a battle with his anger and finally got himself under control enough to answer me.

"I had some news myself for tonight. But it wasn't as bad as the news you just gave me. I saw Doctor Jeffers today and he gave me the results of some tests I had run last week. Guess what, my loving wife: I'm sterile! That's right, sterile, as in not able to have children. It happened when I was a kid."

The shock from his words was as if someone had slapped me. I felt the blood leave my face and my breathing become shallow and rapid and I felt dizzy. I tried to stand but my legs wouldn't hold me. I was having trouble focusing on anything and I wanted only to run away, as far and as fast as I could. I was so confused and so frightened. I couldn't accept what I had just heard. I stood up, only to stumble and fall to the floor. I stuck my hand out to catch myself and the pain in my wrist jolted me back to reality.

"What did you say? What do you mean, sterile. I'm pregnant! How could I be pregnant if you're sterile? That's impossi . . . "

And then it hit me! The baby wasn't John's, it was Bobby's! Oh, God! What had I done? What did I do to my husband and my world? I turned away from John and I ran to the bedroom. I shut the door and I locked it from the inside. I couldn't face him now. What had I done? God forgive me, what had I done?

I stayed in my room for the rest of the evening and through the night. I didn't know what John had done or even if he was still home. Home! It was not likely that this would by my home for much longer. John was a wonderful man and very understanding but he would never tolerate infidelity. We had talked about that many times as we saw friends of ours break up and separate due to cheating. His family was very important to him and he would never do anything to jeopardize it. But I had. And irony of ironies, it was family that I was trying to help that caused me to fall. My love for Bobby as a sister and my compassion for his pain was my sin. 

I went down to the kitchen the next morning, dreading what I might find, but John was gone and there were no notes or anything to tell me where he had gone. I didn't even know whether he had stayed last night or left. I had no choice but to wait. I called work and told them that I was not able to come in today and might have to call off the rest of the week. I prepared myself for what was to come. I wondered what I could do and decided to see if I could reach Bobby. I had to let him know that John knew I had been unfaithful and it would soon become clear that Bobby was the most likely candidate. At least I thought that's how John would think. 

I decided to call his cell phone first just to be safe. I dialed the number and waited.

"Hello? Eve?"

"Yes, Bobby, it's me. I have something to tell you. I'm pregnant and the baby is yours. I don't know whether John has figured it out yet but you have to be very careful. Do you hear me?"

"Why would I have to be careful? Isn't the baby his? My God Eve, we only had one time together. How could it be my baby?"

"John is sterile. He has been all his life. He just didn't know it till last night. He told me last night when I told him I was pregnant. He's gone and I don't know where he is. He never said a word to me after he told me. I'm scared now and I don't know what to do. Just be careful."

I hung up without giving him time to ask more questions or to tell me not to worry. I knew John, and I was worried. Bobby would have to be careful but maybe John wouldn't figure it out. My life was now in a mess and I had no idea of where it would end up but I didn't want Bobby to have to be part of it. If he could stay clear, so much the better. I gathered my courage and waited. I didn't have long to wait.

The phone rang and I rushed to answer. I prayed that it was John but in the same instant, I prayed it wasn't. 

"Hello? John? Is that you?"

"It's me. Are you alone?"

"Of course I'm alone. Where are you? Are you coming home? We have to talk. You have to come home so we can talk. John?"

"I'll be there in half an hour."

"Where are . . . "

He had already hung up and I was talking to a dial tone. I put the receiver down and wondered how I was going to handle this. The truth? God, how did I get myself into this mess. If I tell the truth, I cause trouble between John and his brother. If I lie, I stand to lose my marriage without any doubt. If I tell the truth, I have a chance that John will understand the compassion for a family member who was in pain. If I lie, there is no chance that he would ever forgive me. To lie or not to lie. It seems that the only chance for me was with the truth. 

True to his word, John was there in less than half an hour. He came in the front door as he always did and didn't say a word as he went into the kitchen for a beer. He popped the top and walked back to the family room where I was waiting. He sat down across from me in his recliner and just watched me as he took a sip of his beer. I couldn't tell from his face what he was thinking so I waited, not sure of how to begin. I decided to let him set the pace and speak first. 

"Well, how have you been? Seeing anyone? But of course you're seeing someone. You're pregnant, for God's sake so you have to be seeing someone. How can I be so stupid?"

I tried to stifle a small sob but I was unsuccessful. It came out as a hiccup as I tried to swallow the sound. Well, that was how it was going to be. Brutal! Well, if I was going to lose it all, I wasn't going down without a fight. John knew me and he knew I wouldn't let him treat me like a tramp. I knew that what I did was wrong, but I wasn't a tramp or a slut.

"I'm not seeing anyone and I never have. It was a one time thing and it happened, but I wasn't seeing anyone. It just happened. I can tell you about it if you want to listen, but if you'd rather take cheap shots at me, I'll wait till you're done."

"Ah, a good defense is a good offense huh? Well, why don't you tell me all about it and we can both have a big laugh. Tell me about your boyfriend. Let's hear it."

OK, now it was time. How to do this? All I could think of was to tell the truth and let it fall. 

"When you went to Fort Wayne a couple of months ago and had to stay over, you know Bobby came over and stayed the night."

I stopped when he jumped up and grabbed me by the throat. He had his hand on me and I could feel it tighten, but he stopped himself with an oath. It cost him, but he stopped. He had never laid a hand on me in anger but he almost did that time. Rather than pull back, I raised my head, exposing my neck to his anger and waited. He released me and backed down. He moved to the couch and sat again.

"Go ahead. Tell me all of it."

Well, I did. I told him of hearing Bobby crying and going to him and holding him. I told him how it went and how I tried to comfort him. I let him know that the sex was nothing more than a comforting. I tied to get him to see how I felt at that time and how we just came together giving comfort and trying to stop the pain. I told him to remember how much better Bobby was in the next few weeks and that it was worth it just to help him past that terrible time in his life. He was suffering incredible pain and no one was able to help him. That was all it was. That one time and never again. I was conscious that I didn't tell him of the second time that same night but I thought that it was bad enough to know that I had sex with his brother once. I would bear the shame of that alone. 

I finished and just waited. It was in his hands now. I had been almost completely truthful and I had to wait to see if I had a future with my husband. But as I waited, he said nothing. He was looking at the floor and not at me. His mouth was working as if he were saying words but I couldn't make them out. I was becoming nervous as he continued in this way. I finally could stand it no longer and gave vent to my frustrations.

"Well, don't you have anything to say? Aren't you going to yell at me and call me names? I deserve it. Anything at all, I deserve it. Just say something."

He finally looked at me and I saw nothing in his face. That's right: nothing at all. Just a cold, dead stare that was worse than any words. But, he did speak.

"When you gave Bobby this comfort of yours, what did he do? Did he say 'no, I can't do this,' or 'this is wrong' or anything to try to stop you?

"Well, no. He was the one that initiated it but I let it continue. So, no, he didn't try to stop me."

"That's what I thought." 

This was directed at me but then he began to talk almost to himself. I could hear but he wasn't talking to me. 

"So, he was the one that started it. I should have known. I should have suspected. But no, I thought. He's my brother so I don't have to worry. He wouldn't do it again."

At that, John stood up from the couch and turned without another word and walked out the front door, slamming it behind him. I was so surprised that I didn't even try to stop him. By the time I reacted, he was gone and I heard his car pull away. 

I waited for something to happen all that day but nothing. I tried to call John on his cell but got his voice mail. Same with Bobby. I finally gave up and waited. Still nothing. As I fixed a small lunch for myself, I wondered if I should call Sal or Charity. I had no idea if John had told them or where he had been staying since he left last night. I decided to wait and let John decide what to do next. 

By evening, I still had no word. John had apparently decided to punish me with his silence and his absence. Bobby wouldn't contact me now so I could expect no word from him. Since I was not the silent suffering type, I decided to call Charity and see if she would meet me.

I got her at home and spoke with her for a minute to see if she knew anything. It was quickly apparent she knew nothing. I decided right then and there to tell her and see what she would suggest. I asked her if she could meet with me outside the house, maybe at the Denny's on the corner near her home. She agreed, somewhat suspiciously, but she would meet me. I left immediately and arrived just as she did. We found a booth.

"So, tell me what the secret is all about. I know you have something to tell me and I hope it's good news."

"Well, Charity, I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby and I'm almost three months along."

Her face split into a grin and she leaned across the table to grab my shoulders and give me a big kiss. Charity had suffered much from the loss of Celina and her little granddaughter, almost as much as Bobby. She and Sal wanted grandchildren just as much as we wanted to give them to her. 

"Charity, please, let me tell you something before you go any further. I need your help. Will you hear me out before you say anything?"

"Of course, but you should be happy. This is great news!"

"Charity, the baby is not John's. It's Bobby's."

She just stared at me as if I had gone crazy. She struggled with this information and it was almost as though she couldn't grasp it. Her face got red and she was breathing very fast. I could see her chest heaving and I saw her clench her fists until the knuckles were white. It was a battle, but she finally got herself under control. She looked at me with contempt on her face.

"How can this be? You and Bobby? Bobby who just lost his wife and baby? How could you do this thing? Tell me! How could you stab my son in the back by sleeping with his brother?"

"It isn't like that. I asked you to let me tell you the truth before you blame me for everything. Are you not going to listen to me?"

She glared at me some more but finally stopped, looked at her clenched fists and relaxed. She looked up with more control and told me to continue. I let out the breath I had been holding and continued.




Consequences - Eve



"I was not having an affair with Bobby and he and I were together only one time. It was almost three months ago and on a night John had to go to Fort Wayne and had to stay over. Bobby had come to our house because he was hurting too much to go with John. He wanted to stay that night since he was in too much pain to be alone. I spoke with John when he called and told him Bobby was there. He said he was happy about it since Bobby shouldn't be alone. I agreed and he slept on the couch in the family room. 

I stopped to take a drink of water and to watch Charity's face. She had turned away when I mentioned Bobby's pain. I knew that both Sal and Charity had been so worried about him during that time and they were unable to do anything to ease his pain. But Charity was listening now and she seemed to be willing to hear me out so I continued. 

"I came down to get some warm milk to help me sleep and I heard him crying. I went in to comfort him and I held him in my arms. You must understand. You certainly have seen his grief and felt helpless. I was only trying to give him support and let him know he wasn't alone. He was crying so hard and I was holding him tight when he began to caress me. I can't explain what happened after that, only that I was filled with compassion and I didn't want to cause him any more pain by reacting in anger. After that, it happened."

Charity was openly crying now as she heard the pain that Bobby was in. It was the sadness of a mother for her son. A son she couldn't help. I just let her cry, recognizing the irony of the situation. I just waited for Charity to calm herself.

It was several minutes while she wept for her wounded son. I knew that this would not change things but I hoped it would allow Charity to understand what happened and how I had let it happen. 

"I understand how you tried to comfort my son but I do not understand how you allowed this to happen. You are John's wife and you have no right to permit things to go as far as you did. Your compassion was welcome but your lack of self restraint was not. You were wrong, just as my son was wrong. But, there is more to it."

Charity now looked me in the eye and told me the depth of the problem.

"Celina was John's girlfriend before she married Bobby. It was Bobby who took her away from John and that caused a great division between my sons. It was not Celina's fault and we never blamed her since she was truly in love with Bobby. She couldn't help her feelings and she told John to his face that she didn't love him like she loved Bobby. But John never accepted it and he blamed Bobby for taking her away. There was bad blood between them for a long time before John finally let it go. Celina talked to him and continued to talk to him until she had him convinced that Bobby hadn't caused her to leave him. It was almost a year into their marriage before John relented. I never believed he had fully forgiven Bobby but he tried."

I was now beginning to understand why John had said what he did when he walked out on me. He was blaming Bobby again and I guess I could understand why. Even though it was not true on my part. But Bobby's? I couldn't know for sure. 

"What can I do? Will John be able to forgive me? Will he forgive Bobby?"

"I don't know child. I can only try to talk to him if he comes back. I don't know where either of them are now. Sal didn't say anything about it but he was worried that something was wrong with them. He said they had words and then they both left together. That was today."

Now I was worried. They were together? That couldn't be good if John felt Bobby had betrayed him. And Bobby might feel the same way and that wasn't any better. What had I done? I knew now that I was foolish, regardless of my motives. I knew better and yet I had let it happen. I was responsible for whatever happened. 

"I have to go home and hope that John calls or comes back. I have to talk to him and make him see that there was nothing to what we did. The child is still of his blood and he will love it regardless. I know he will if he will only let his anger go. I'll tell him. He'll have to see it."

"I don't know child. John had a deep anger inside him that has been controlled for so long. This might be all that was necessary to bring it back to the surface. Only time will tell. Go. I'll talk to Sal and tell him your story. I'll be in touch."

I left and went back to the house to wait. I would wait till John allowed me to tell him how much I still loved him and how much I wanted him back in my arms and in my bed. I would wait as long as it took. 

I stayed in the house for the next three days, waiting for some word form John or even Charity. I had no idea where he could be and why he hadn't at least called to tell me to go to Hell or something like that. Anything would have been preferable to this interminable waiting. Without any other choice, I waited.

It was on the fourth day after I told John of my pregnancy that he came home. I was sitting at the kitchen table, trying to eat something even though I had no appetite when he walked in and sat down across the table from me. I dropped my fork and sat back, relieved but scared. It was time. 

"I'm glad you're home. I've been worried for you. I didn't know where you were or what you were doing. I only hoped you wouldn't do something foolish, even though I did."

John was looking at me with this strange look on his face. I had never seen its like before and I was fearful. It was a cruel look and I knew it was directed at me. I still had no fear of John but I also had little hope for a future with him. But, at least he was here and for that I was thankful. One way or the other, something would happen.

"I have spoken with Robert. I have told him he and I are no longer brothers. I will have nothing to do with him from this day forward. He has betrayed me once too often. The child you bear will never belong to him and he will never be allowed to see it." 

He stood and began to pace the small kitchen area with his hands clasped behind his back and his head lowered watching the floor. I could see his jaws clenched tightly, the muscles bulging out. He was controlling his anger but only barely. I waited.

"While you were guilty of infidelity, he was guilty of betrayal. Betrayal of our marriage, betrayal of me as his brother, betrayal of our family and coveting his brother's wife. None of those can be forgiven this time. If it was the first time, perhaps. But it wasn't and he knew it. Yet he went ahead, encouraged by your acceptance. Together the two of you betrayed me."

I tried to speak, wanting to stop what he was saying, wanting to correct him in so many things but he turned his face to me and the look was enough to silence me. I couldn't gather the necessary courage to face him down. 

"I will speak with my father and mother and tell them of my talk with Robert and what you and he have done. I am moving in with them since Robert will be leaving immediately. I will stay there for the remainder of your term. I will not divorce you since the baby would then be born illegitimate and I will not allow that. After the baby is born, we will talk of what to do next."

Without another word, John went upstairs to our room to pack some clothes. I considered following him and pleading with him but I knew in my heart that there was no hope. He was hurt, beyond just my cheating. His brother had betrayed him twice and he could not accept that. I was simply collateral damage in this situation. Had it been someone else, other than his brother, there may have been a chance for me. Not now.

John left and I didn't see him again for several weeks. I was now almost four months along in my pregnancy and I was still able to get around OK. John made sure that there was always money in our checking account and I used it only for food and maintenance of the house. I bought nothing for myself and kept careful records of what I spent. I don't know why I did that, but I did. Nothing else changed. I tried once to call Charity. But Sal answered and said in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't be available to speak to me. Sal hung up without another word. 

By my count, it had been seventeen weeks when the cramping began. I had been reading up on pregnancy and was sure that this was nothing. I laid down and tried to relax and actually fell asleep for awhile but was awakened by the pain. I was starting to worry when I felt a sharp pain in my pelvic region and it was enough to bring me to my knees. Now I was scared and I didn't know what was happening. I crawled over to the phone, pulled it down and dialed 911. I spoke to a voice, telling her I was pregnant and in severe distress and gave her my address. She was talking, telling me to stay on the line but I couldn't. I just couldn't and I passed out.

I woke in the hospital, surrounded by white. The walls, the covers over me, the ceiling and the floor. All were white. The lights were so bright I covered my eyes with my arm and tried to focus on the picture in my mind. Where was I? What had happened to me? As I lay there, struggling with my memory, I remembered severe pain. The pain in my belly. The baby! Was my baby all right? 

I opened my eyes and tried to give them time to accommodate the light. It took several seconds but I began to see again and I saw a table with the nurse call button on it. I pressed it and held it down, waiting for someone to come to tell me if my baby was OK. It was almost five minutes before someone came into my room and walked directly over to me and pulled the call button from my hand. I could tell it was a nurse but she was only a dark shadow, her head haloed from the light behind her. I couldn't make out any details but she took the call button and placed it on the table, far out of my reach.

"Now then. I see you're finally awake. How do you feel? Any pain or discomfort anywhere?"

As she spoke, she was taking my pulse and she wrote something in my chart. She then put the blood pressure cuff on my arm and took my pressure, which she also recorded. She felt my head and nodded as if everything was just perfect.

"What happened to me? Is my baby OK? What did you people do to me? Please, tell me what happened."

"I'll have the doctor come in to see you just as soon as I can find him. He is on the floor somewhere so it shouldn't be too long. You just relax and rest. He'll be in directly."

"Can't you tell me anything? Anything at all?"

"I don't know anything dear. That's for the doctor to tell you. Just you wait till I find him."

With that, she walked out of the room and I was left with nothing but questions. I felt different but I didn't know how or why. I felt my belly but couldn't really feel anything below my chest. I wiggled my toes and I think they moved but I couldn't be sure. I tried to move the covers away but they were tucked in too tight for me to move them in my weakened condition. I collapsed back onto the pillow and just waited, too tired to do anything else. While I waited I dozed back to sleep.

I awoke to a slight shake of my shoulder and a voice, asking me if I was ready to get up. I opened my eyes to see a young man, dressed in a white coat with the stereotyped stethoscope around his neck. He was quite cute and in my drugged state, I smiled without conscious thought. I was able to raise my head a little and he put the pillow behind my shoulders, letting me raise up enough to see the rest of the bed and the room. I tried to move my body back toward the head of the bed and was able finally to get almost into a sitting position. The young doctor did something to the bed and it raised me up even further. I was finally able to actually sit almost upright. 

"What happened to me doctor? Why am I here? I remember calling 911 but nothing after that. How did I get here? What can you tell me?"

"You called emergency and gave them your address. The MT's found you unconscious on the floor and were able to get you here in time. You had severe bleeding and you had lost a lot of blood. They stabilized you and brought you here. We were able to get you back under control, and we finally stopped the bleeding. I have to tell you however, you lost the baby. The bleeding was too severe and the baby had no chance. We aborted it in order to save you."

I had lost the baby. The shock was almost more than I could bear. I think I collapsed again and I remember nothing else until the next morning. I woke in a smaller room with the ever present curtain pulled back allowing me a view of the door and a second bed, now empty. At least these walls had some color: a pale green with an ugly brown trim. This was a hospital room for sure. 

The nurse came in shortly after I woke and took my vitals. As she recorded the readings, she smiled and finally told me I was looking good. Everything was normal. She puttered around the bed, straightening the covers and plumping my pillow, just like she was my mother. She was still there when the doctor came in. He asked her to stay while he gave me a more thorough going over. He finally straightened up and pronounced me fine.

"You gave us quite a scare when you came in the other night but you were a real fighter. We got you stable and you did the rest. You should be able to go home within a day or so. How do you feel?"

"I feel strange. No pain or discomfort, but different. Like I am empty. Is that normal?"

"Yes, it is. You lost a lot of blood and even though the fetus was very small, it was still present and your body knows the difference. That feeling should pass very quickly."

"Who gave you permission to operate on me?"

"We called your husband and he came in almost immediately. He gave his consent to the necessary procedures. He told us that you were the first priority and the baby was secondary. So we did what we had to do knowing his wishes." 

I just nodded my head and listened as the doctor rambled on about taking care of myself and taking no chances until I was stronger. He said he would call John to let him know when I would be released. Since I had no one else, I let it go. John would either come or not, as he wished. It wasn't up to me. As the doctor left, I curled up on the bed and cried myself to sleep.

I was released by the hospital the next day at just past 10:00 in the morning. I put on the clothes that John had apparently left for me and sat on the bed waiting for the aide with the wheelchair to come get me. I had nothing else but the small bag the hospital gives you with the stuff that they used while you were there. I found the blood soaked clothes I was wearing when I came in, wrapped in a plastic bag and stuffed inside. I had no idea why they kept them. 

When the aide wheeled me out the front door, I was surprised to see John waiting with the car door open and ready for me. I rose from the wheelchair and walked slowly and painfully to the car. John just watched until I was inside and then shut the door and walked around to the driver's side. He slid in and we were on our way. To where, I didn't have a clue. 

As we drove, I glanced over at John to try to get some idea of what he felt. His countenance gave me no clue and I turned away, watching without interest as he drove me back to our home. During the trip, he said nothing and I was not up to beginning a conversation with him. The sadness I felt was a combination of losing my baby, my personal grief in what I had done and John's seeming indifference. I had little hope and nothing positive in my life to offset that. The trip home was a sad reflection of my life.

John did help me out of the car and into the house. I was surprised at this but glad for the help. I hurt in so many places and it was all I could do make it to the couch in the family room. I gratefully collapsed and leaned my head back with my eyes closed and my breathing labored. I felt as though I was going to pass out but I tried to get some degree of control. It took me several minutes but slowly I regained my strength and my breathing became less labored. Finally, I opened my eyes to see John just sitting there watching me. There was still no expression on his face. 

"Thank you for coming for me and helping me in. I don't think I could have done it by myself. I didn't expect you, but I'm glad you were there."

"It was no problem. I wanted to tell you I was sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. But it seems you'll be fine."

"I don't think I'll ever be fine but the doctor tells me that there was no damage done to my body and I should make a full recovery. It won't take too long before I can do for myself."

"That's good. You can stay here until you are back to normal, but after that, I want you to find a place for yourself. When you do, I'll help you pack and move. You can decide what you want and we can decide together if there's a problem."

The suddenness and the coldness of this statement took my breath away. I know I gasped and I felt light headed for a few seconds. Nothing John said was unexpected but the timing and the lack of emotion took me by surprise. I just sat there, the tears starting against my wishes, and tried to calm myself. 

"Alright, if that's what you want. Just give me a few days to get my strength back and then I can start looking for a place to live. I promise I won't stay any longer than absolutely necessary. I don't want to inconvenience you."

As I spoke, the anger began to surface. Yes, I had made a mistake and yes, I had become pregnant by another man. But the anger and coldness from John was more influenced by his anger and hatred for his brother than it was by what I had done. I accepted his decision to divorce me and I accepted his loss of love and trust, but I didn't accept his desire to take all of his anger and frustration out on me. I didn't deserve that from him.

"You can stay as long as you need to. I have no desire to make you do something you're not ready to do. I know you suffered a great loss and I accept that. It was a tragic thing that happened. I will help you all I can but understand that you and I no longer have a marriage and there is no love left on my part."

"I understand. I also know that your hatred of Bobby is what is driving you now and I had no part in that. What I did, I did out of compassion and nothing more. He was your brother and he had suffered a great loss, greater than what I went through. I tried to help and that was my error. I didn't see what I was doing to you as it really was and for that I apologize to you. But, what Bobby did to you was between you and he and that was different. I am just the one in the middle."

John was shaking his head back and forth in denial but I didn't care. I had lost everything and I was in no mood to be compassionate again. I did that once and it was a mistake. I wouldn't do it again. I continued.

"I know you see it differently but so do I. Charity explained what happened between you and Bobby over Celina but I had no part in that. If I had known what happened, I believe things would have been different. Maybe I would have seen that Bobby's actions were not what I thought. Maybe I would have seen him as more devious rather than believing that he was reacting out of grief. We'll never know since I didn't know anything about that part of your life. But, I know the reasons for my actions and I have nothing to be sorry about in trying to help a grieving man. However, I do regret what I did to you, and wish that I had done things differently, but it's too late now."

He had grown calmer while I talked and now he just looked at me with that blank expression.

"Since you are no longer pregnant the situation has changed. I intend to file for divorce immediately. I see no need to wait now, do you?"

"No, there's no reason to wait. I understand and I'll move out as soon as possible. I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. For your information, I won't fight the divorce and I can accept any terms you set."




Consequences - Eve



John was sitting with his head down and his hands clasped in front of him. He stayed that way without responding so I decided to finish it once and for all.

"I was wrong in what I did, but I never meant for you to know and I never intended it to happen again. I made a terrible mistake but it was not because of any fault of yours. You never gave me reason to cheat on you or on our marriage. I understand that."

John just waited, apparently to see if I had any requests or questions. It was clear that he had made his decision and I would pay the price for my indiscretion. I was strangely content with that. There was only one thing left to say and now was the time.

"One last thing I want to say to you and then you can leave. I loved you from the first time I saw you and I love you still. That has never changed and it never will. You were the first and will be the last man that I truly love. This ends because of my actions and not because of you. That should give you some peace."

With that, I rose and went upstairs with as much dignity as I could muster. I needed to cry but I didn't want to do it in front of John. I made it into the bedroom where I fell sobbing onto the bed. I never heard the door shut when he left but I knew in my heart when he was gone. 

It took me just a month to find a new place and to move my belongings. I called Holly and she helped me to pack my clothes and intimate things. I took only the things that I had to have and left everything that John had gotten me or that I had purchased that I didn't absolutely have to have. Some of the things were precious to me but I left them behind. They were a part of my life that was irrevocably gone. I ended up with just a few boxes and my suitcases. Holly and I managed to carry everything ourselves and we piled it in a small pickup truck that I had rented. 

I stood in the driveway and took a final look at the home that John and I had shared for the last five years. When we had moved into this place from our first apartment, John said that this was our new beginning. Now it signaled the ending. I let the tears fall, washing away the end of my marriage. I drove away and never looked back.

My choice to help Bobby was made in compassion and love but it was the wrong choice. I knew that at the time but continued anyway. I never thought of the consequences. 

Consequences can be a bitch!