52 comments/ 162215 views/ 15 favorites Charade Ch. 01 By: Blue88 (When we played our charade We were like children posing Playing at games, acting out names Guessing the parts we played) *********************** There I was, 48 years old, sitting in my office overlooking the azure waters of the Pacific, weighing whether I should accept the offer I received for my company. If I did I would net around 24 million, give or take a few thousand. I would be wealthy beyond my wildest imagination. I would be able to buy and do whatever my little heart desired, within reason of course. So why was I feeling so shitty. Professionally I was a success, I had made it, but personally I felt my life was totally fucked up. My name is Jerry Ford, that's Jerry with a J for Jerome, not Gerald, like the President. I came from a lower, middle class, blue collar family and I was a total fuck-up in high school. One reason, I believe, was that I found it so totally boring. I'm pretty sure that I was the only student that my guidance counselor advised to quit and go find a job. I think that she was getting really tired of seeing my rump in her office all the time. I admit it, I was a royal pain in the ass. Miracles happen, I graduated high school (although I kind of think that they just wanted to get rid of me so badly that they let me pass). The Vietnam war was still raging and was becoming more and more unpopular, but I was a gung-ho kid and I wanted to make the world safe for democracy. (Shit, I didn't even know what the word meant.) Anyway, I enlisted in the Army for a three year hitch. My dad wanted me to learn a trade (he was an electrician) and he agreed that the service would be a good idea. It would give me an opportunity to mature as well as teaching me something with which I could earn a living. Funny thing happened, I thrived on the Basic Training. For some ungodly reason the rigid discipline, the demanding physical activity, the attention to detail, etc. were things that were alien to me, but really appealed to me at the same time. Maybe it was because I was so good at what was required. I made it through Basic at the top of my unit, which maybe wasn't so good an idea. Yeah, I was so good that they talked me into volunteering for Ranger training. So I spent the next two months at Ft. Benning, Ga. going through the hell of a intense, uncompromising period of physical and psychological preparedness, in other words, for Vietnam. You have to understand, I was not a heroic physical specimen. I was just shy of 6 foot and weighed about 170. (I keep in good shape, primarily by swimming laps, and I weigh only about 5 pounds more at the present.) But they honed my body and gave me the skills necessary to survive. Two months later found me in Vietnam which, let me tell you, is no Palm Springs. If the Gods ever decide to give the world an enema, Vietnam will get the nozzle. I spent over a year and a half in that hell hole until I was wounded by some shrapnel which did a number on a couple of vertebra as well as some internal damage to my bladder and surrounding area. After spending a couple of months in a Veteran's Hospital stateside, I was discharged. No, I was not incontinent (thank the Gods) and my limp was hardly noticeable, even today. That was the good news - the news that I would be unable to sire children didn't make much of an impact at the time. What was of much more concern to me at the time was that I wasn't impotent, My inability to sire children would come back to haunt me later in life. So there I was, 20 years old, out of the army and still without any real skills (if you discount the ability to disable or kill almost anyone quite efficiently.) I was living at home, not quite sure of what to do with myself. My dad did some research and found that there was counseling and career services for returning vets given at Drexel University and was sponsored by the VA. I figured, why not. An appointment was made and I spent the entire day being tested and interviewed. I still remember the psychologist's name, Dr. Cypress, he told me to call him Al. To make a long story short, the tests showed that I had an aptitude for the technical and he suggested that I attend college and study engineering. I roared, now that was really funny. I told him that I barely made it through high school. He said he had examined my high school records and despite the less than impressive reading, the tests that I had taken in the army and the results of the battery of tests I had taken with him, indicated that I would have no problem in college. He really had me believing him. He made an appointment with the Dean of the School of Engineering at Drexel and before I knew it my ass was in college. My dad was proud as punch and my mom now could brag a little. Remember, I had mentioned that my dad was an electrician which led me to major in electrical engineering. Coincidentally, it was just about this time that I got a call from Ben Klein, a buddy from my days in 'Nam. "Jerry, Jerry, it's Ben, you sonofabitch. I'm out, Jer, I'm out of the Army." "Damn, Ben. It's good to hear your voice. How come you got out early? Where are you? How are you doing? How did you get my number?" I realized I was blabbering, but it was good to hear from him. "I lost a fucking leg, Jer. I stepped on a fucking mine, would you believe it? Jeez, such a goddamn rookie thing to do. But it's ok, I lost the leg below my knee and the prosthesis is great, I get around almost as good. I called your folks, they gave me your number. Jer, I'm in California and guess what. You won't believe this. I"ve been admitted to Cal Tech. I'm gonna be studying architecture. I'm gonna achieve my dream, Jer. I'm gonna be a fucking architect." I roared with laughter. Ben may sound like a gangster, but he was probably the smartest guy in the outfit, including the brass. I knew he had the ability and I knew that he wanted to be an architect since he was a kid. "Ben, that's absolutely great. I'm really happy for you. I guess my folks told you what I'm doing?" "Yeah, that blew my mind. Hey, Jer, how about that. Guys like us becoming professionals - you an engineer and me a fucking architect. Can you believe it?" and he erupted in laughter along with me. We chatted for another half hour and ended the call, promising to keep in touch. I sat for awhile, just shaking my head, digesting what Ben had told me. Life is strange, I concluded. I didn't like the idea of commuting to school from home and since I now had the GI Bill, a small medical pension from the army and the money my folks had saved from what I sent home each month, I was able to afford a studio apartment close to school. I'm exaggerating a little when I call it an apartment. It was basically one room which contained my bed, a couple of easy chairs, an old sofa and a closet kitchen. Oh yeah, a bathroom in which I was just able to turn around. But for me it was ok. I had a study area there for my desk and a used computer and I devoted as much time as I could to the books. I knew that this was it for me; I would either make this work or my future would be really bleak. I didn't need a car, I could easily walk to class and take the streetcar to visit my folks. The first two years went quickly and I was amazed to discover that I didn't flunk out after the mid-term exams, in fact I did rather well. I was deadly serious about accomplishing my goal to become an engineer, a professional, so I hit the books hard which, of course, left little time for any kind of social life. I had made some casual friends in some of my classes and we would get together occasionally for a beer or pizza or both. One Friday, one of the guys (Carl) mentioned that there was going to be a get-together at a sorority over at Penn which was only a few blocks away and he talked me into going with him. I figured, why not. It was the weekend and I was pretty well caught up. That evening changed my life - I met Kimberly. Jeez, Kimberly, who names a girl Kimberly? It's got to be the Main Line. She looked like a rich bitch, with the stylish jeans, top and too cute little diamond earings. My contempt showed I guess. (I know, I know, it was totally unfair, but don't forget my background.) She sensed it when our eyes met, and she flushed. I turned away quickly and went to get a beer. A sharp tap on my shoulder caused me to turn around, and there stood Kimberly, eyes blazing. "Okay, buster. What gives you the right to turn your nose up at us, or is it just me? You think that we're all just spoiled brats, here only because Mommy and Daddy have a lot of money?" I stood there, mouth agape, but she wasn't finished with me. She again poked me, this time in the chest. "You know something, buster. I think that you're pretty stupid, you judge people without even knowing them." She then turned and flounced off. I was totally stunned, helpless under her onslaught and struck dumb even after she had finished raking me over the coals. Carl then sidled up to me and chuckled. "I guess you've just met Kim Van Horn. Nice girl, huh?" and he laughed at my discomfort. "C'mon, Jerry. I think that you've had enough for the evening. Let's get out of here." We stopped at a local watering hole for a couple of beers and I had the opportunity to quiz him about this broad. "Shit, Carl. What's with her? I didn't say one word to her; she didn't have any call to lay into me that way," I complained. Carl chuckled. "That's Kim. I guess she's really sensitive about coming from money. She hates it when people think that she's just a dumb blond without any ability. She's my girlfriends best friend and I've learned to get along with her. As long as you treat her with some respect she's fine; she only gets pissy when she suspects that someone is looking down their nose at her." "Your girlfriend? I didn't see you with anyone there." I said a bit puzzled. "She's away for the weekend. Some family thing, she'll be back on Sunday," answered Carl and then continued. "Look, Jer. Why not come back with me on Sunday to the sorority house and make your apologies to Kim. I think that you'll find she a good kid. I think that you'll like her." I sat and thought about Carl's suggestion. I was intrigued, Kim was certainly easy on the eyes. She was of medium height, blond hair which she wore to her shoulders, blue eyes and a very, very nice physical package. She was also feisty, independent and no introvert. I decided I would like to get to know her and I agreed to accompany Carl on Sunday. We got to the sorority house around noon and I was formally introduced properly to Kim and then to Carol, Carl's girlfriend. It was a funny situation. Kim and I tried to talk at the same time, apologizing for Friday's incident. Finally I was able to tell her that I was really sorry for being so stupid, and she was able to apologize for her rudeness. That being taken care of, we adjourned to a local pizza parlor for some pie and sodas. Damn, I really had a good time and I was becoming attracted to this girl with the bubbly personality and infectious laugh. She was bright and totally unpretentious. I liked her. Shit, who was I kidding, I was totally gaga over her. Over the next few months we dated casually. We would meet, go to a movie or just out for a bite to eat. She certainly wouldn't come up to my place and she never suggested that I come up to her room in the sorority house. We did manage to engage in some light necking at the movies or other appropriate locations, but that's all that there was. Near the end of our junior year I think that both of us began to realize that perhaps there was something building between the two of us. We found that we were in each others thoughts and it seemed that we were dating exclusively now. It was in May, a balmy sweet evening, we had made plans to meet for a light dinner with no plans after. I remember that evening as clearly as if it were a week ago. I had walked to Kim's sorority house and had stopped, rooted to the spot, totally taken by how she looked. It seemed as if she had carefully applied her makeup (unusual, for she seldom used much) and was dressed in a soft, clingy top and mini skirt. While her outfit was far from blatant, I was so used to seeing her in a blouse and jeans, that my jaw dropped in surprise. She looked good enough to eat and with that thought I started to become erect. I realized again that Kim was a gorgeous creature. Her eyes sparkled in amusement and she slipped her arm in mine as she guided me along the sidewalk. "Close your mouth, Jerry. You've seen me in a skirt before," she laughed. "I still can't get over how beautiful you are, honey. I'm serious," I stuttered. Smoothness is not my middle name. She flushed in embarrassment and pleasure and held on to my arm tightly. We dined al fresco in a nearby eatery, it would have been presumptuous to label it a restaurant. It had about 4 tables inside and 3 outside, one of which we occupied. We were finishing our pasta and sipping on some Chianti when Kim raised her eyes to mine and said, "Jerry, how come you've never invited me to see your apartment." I looked at her, startled. "I did, Kim, a few months ago. You didn't think it was exactly proper, as you put it," and I leered at her and wiggled my eyebrows. She laughed at my antics and continued. "Well, I bet it's a typical bachelor pad, smelly and messy." Actually, it wasn't. I had been taught well in the army. While my place may have been somewhat shabby, it was clean with things in their place. I asked Kim if she would like to see it and she replied in the affirmative and we made our way there, enjoying the soft evening air as we strolled. I have to admit, my mind was in a bit of a whirl. How come Kim wanted to see my place all of a sudden? I was full of questions, but I wisely kept my mouth shut and opted to just wait to see what would happen. Yeah, you know what I was hoping. Kim seemed nervous. She was very animated and couldn't stop chattering. Her laughter was a little giddy and she kept taking quick looks at me as she gushed over topics that seemed totally inane. I could sense her nervousness and I struggled to keep myself calm. I reached for her hand as we walked and that seemed to settle her somewhat. "Why Jerry, I'm impressed," Kim exclaimed as she stood and viewed all of my earthly possessions. "Everything is neat and clean. I should have known. You're that type of guy." "That's good, right?" I asked, a bit uncertain about the tone of her voice. "Yes," she replied softly. "Jerry, that's very good," and she put her hand on my cheek. She then turned to face me directly and took my face between her palms. She seemed a bit unsure of herself and looked at me with uncertainty in her eyes. "Jerry," she asked. "Do you love me?" I hesitated and realized that I had never really told Kim how I felt. We had kind of grown together as a couple, but we had never really discussed our feelings. I suddenly took her in my arms and whispered in her ear, "Sweetheart, I love you with all my heart. I should have told you that months ago." She sighed and let out a long breath. "Oh, Jerry. I love you too, more than you'll ever know." We then kissed, long and deep. Kim then put her hands on my chest and pushed me down onto the sofa. She stood over me and pleaded. "Please, Jerry. Don't say a word, I want to do this badly, but I'm afraid I'll chicken out if you say anything. Just sit, ok?" I sat. Kim stood before me and then her body began to sway, slowly and sensuously to a beat that only she could hear. She stepped back and the dance took on a more intense rhythm, her hips now grinding slightly, back and forth. Her hands went to the buttons of her blouse, slowly undoing them, from the top, down, down until the garment hung loosely from her shoulders. With a slight shrug the silky covering fell to the floor. Kim stood quietly for a moment before resuming the movements of her dance. Her bra was nothing more than a strap and two half cups supporting her full breasts, the points exposed above the lacy fringe. Her nipples were pale pink and very erect. She then starting humming a melody unknown to me but with an erotic, exotic tempo. Her hands went to the clasp of her skirt and that too fell to the floor. Her hands then went high above her head, clasped together and her body moved snakelike from side to side. I was spellbound by this stunning apparition before me, scarcely able to breath for fear that she would vanish. The melody she was humming became louder and more intense as she quickly moved to free her breasts from their confinement. Kim slowly raised her hands and lifted those full mounds before letting her palms gently brush over her nipples, causing her to gasp softly. I suddenly recognized what she was humming; it was Henry Mancini's Charade - how appropriate that would become. Her feet stood rooted to the floor as her body moved sinuously to the throbbing beat of the music coming from her throat. She was now dressed only in her panties, brief clinging fabric hardly hiding the swollen lips of her vulva. Her hands moved slowly to her hips, thumbs hooking under the waist of her undergarment. Slowly they descended, pulling her panties slowly over her smooth belly until the soft, blond pubic hair became visable. With an abrupt and sudden movement they too fell to the floor leaving her totally nude before me. I sat, frozen by the erotic figure before me. Her legs were a bit separated and I could see the slightly open lips of her pussy. They looked damp, a sheen of moisture evident. Her eyes bored into mine, searchingly. She moved closer to me and lowered herself to her knees, between my legs. With her eyes still locked on mine, she began to unbutton my shirt. When I tried to help she brushed my hands away and murmured for me to sit still. I was quickly naked to the waist and her hands went to my belt and zipper. I was afraid to make any movement, frightened of breaking the moment. With an effort, Kim managed to pull my jeans and boxers down my legs and off. I sat there as naked as she, my cock erect and throbbing, the head already coated with its natural lubricant. Kim slowly grasped the base of my cock, holding it gently. She had not taken her eyes from mine. "Jerry, do you think that I'm terrible? Am I acting too much like a slut?" I just shook my head almost violently, from side to side. "You're fantastic, you're the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me," I replied quickly. The words were barely out of my mouth when she lowered her head and engulfed the head of my cock. I gasped in shock and delight. Her eyes sought mine again and she kept her gaze on me as she gently laved my throbbing phallus. Then dropping her eyes once more, she slid my cock all the way down her throat, burying her nose in my pubic hair. I felt her throat surround the head and struggled not to explode in orgasm. Kim spent the next five minutes or so between deep throating me and gently sucking and licking the head of my dick. I just sat and luxuriated in the sensations. Kim then stood and towered above me. She pushed me on my back, flat on the sofa and climbed on board. I thought, with whatever senses remained, that she would impale herself on the organ that she had so thoughtfully prepared. Not so. She moved up on me until her pussy was directly over my mouth, her thighs straddling my head. I could see the lips gaping open and the moisture literally dripping on my chin. With a soft whimper she lowered herself down on me and ground her sex into my mouth. I attacked that organ with tongue and lips, moving from her clitoris to her vagina, driving my tongue in as deeply as I could. I could feel her tense suddenly, her thighs gripping me tightly and with a low moan she came, the moan turning into a shrill wail, soft but keening. With a sudden movement, she wrenched from me, moving herself lower on my body onto which she collapsed. I could hear soft sobs coming from her and I held and comforted her, now apprehensive and concerned about what she was now feeling. I thought it best to just keep quiet, at least for the time being. Wise choice. Charade Ch. 01 "Jerry, kiss me, please. Just kiss me," Kim said plaintively, and I did. My lips met hers and we kissed softly and gently. "I'm so embarrassed, Jerry." Kim had her head buried in the crook of my neck. "I wasn't sure that I could do what I just did. I planned on seducing you today. I wanted you so badly, I wanted us to make love. I can't imagine what you must think of me now." I couldn't help it, I had to laugh. "Honey, what I think is that I'm one of the luckiest men alive. I can't even begin to tell you how you made me feel." I suspect that she had begun to suspect that for my very erect cock was lodged between her thighs, rubbing against the lips of her pussy. Still lying atop me, Kim began moving her ass slowly, sliding my cock along the lips of her well lubricated sex. My hips moved and my cock was quickly buried in her. Kim again gasped softly as she felt herself filled. We then made love, quietly and gently, her hips guiding me in and out until we both couldn't hold it any longer. I felt my climax building and as she felt me explode in her she again moaned and came with me. ************** We became inseparable, ignoring all outside distractions, completely oblivious to anyone or anything else. Fortunately it was now summer break between our junior and senior year and our obsession with each other didn't impact on our studies. I shudder to think what would have happened to our grades had this occurred during the school year. Kim was spending more and more time at my place, sleeping over many nights. I hated it when she wasn't there, the place seemed so empty and squalid. Her arrival turned my humble abode into a palace for me. We spoke of marriage, we felt it was inevitable. My fear was how she would view my sterility, my inability to father children. From something that I had always considered rather inconsequential, this now became very worrisome for me. My fears were allayed not long after our first discussion about our future. "Jerry?" There was a question in Kim's voice. "I have to tell you something before we get too much further into our relationship." Her voice faltered. "There's nothing in this world I want more than to be your wife and spend the rest of life with. You know that I love you," and she looked at me with trepidation in her eyes. "I don't want children, Jerry," she blurted out. "Please, Jerry, don't hate me. I know who I am and I know that I wouldn't make a good mother. I have given this a lot of thought, and I really don't want children." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I'll understand if you want to break up, Jer. I really will." Wow, now wasn't that an interesting development. I took Kim in my arms and comforted her. "Kim, if you don't want children, then I don't either," I reassured her. My sterility was now a non-issue, I could bury my worries, I didn't even have to bring it up. Little did I know.... The thing that rather amused me at the time was how Kim was so cavalier about taking her birth control pills. Oh, she would remember most of the time, say 6 or 7 days, but then she would just forget and skip a day or two. The fact that she never got into trouble just reinforced her contention that skipping a day or two really made no difference. I knew that this could be dangerous, but in our case it, of course, made no difference. ****************** "Jerry?" Kim said to me one afternoon, a question in her tone. "I think it's time for you to meet my parents. I've told them all about you and they want to meet you." "Oh, oh," I muttered to myself. I should have expected this. I saw no way out, but I just knew that this meeting wasn't going to go well. They would take one look at me and know that this schmuck wasn't good enough for their only child. Jeez, I started feeling sick to my stomach, but I also knew that there was no way out of this. The meeting was slated to take place on Sunday, two days hence. I was stuck, this was going to happen. I had done a little research on Kim's family. They were on the social register and very well known in the best circles. Bernard Van Horn owned one of the largest construction firms in SE Pennsylvania and had a net worth of hundreds of millions, (Gulp) Katherine Van Horn, his wife, was descended from the Lodges of Boston. (Gulp} They go back to colonial days. I was going to look like the proverbial pair of brown shoes at a black tie affair. I had no choice, I would have to endure. Daddy sent "the car" into the city for us. A black, Lincoln Town Car, naturally, only the best for the little princess. Yeah, I wasn't happy and my attitude was shitty. Kim could tell, but she just smiled and told me not to worry. Like that really reassured me. It didn't take too long and the car pulled into a long driveway that curved into a landing area in front of the house. It was a large, gray stone two story colonial. I could see a four car garage off to one side. The grounds were immaculate, maintained, I was sure, by a crew of landscapers. Kim pulled me from the car and led me to the front door. Pulling me inside, she called out: "Mom, Dad, where are you?" As soon as her parents came into the large foyer, everything changed. Damn, they couldn't have been more gracious. They welcomed me as if I was a long, lost family member just rediscovered. They couldn't have been nicer. I have to admit that I was a bit flummoxed, certainly not expecting such a warm welcome, but as warm and cordial as Katherine Van Horn appeared, I could detect just a hint of caution in her manner. There was nothing overt, but I could sense a bit of coolness that she tried to hide. She did it well though and was friendly and proper. Yeah, that's the word, "proper." She was about 5' 5", blond, blueyed and still built like a young girl, at least from what I could see, despite her years. I'm guessing she was in her mid 40s. Was this Kim in 20 years? If so, I could live with that. Now Bernie was another story. Yeah, he insisted that I call him Bernie; how incongruous. Here's this guy, around 50 years old I guess, tall, distinguished, worth a ton of money and he's insisting that I call him Bernie. But that's the kind of guy Bernie was. I know, I heard the stories; he could be a shark if he thought he was being taken and he could be vicious if provoked, but he could also be one of the warmest, kindest guys you could meet. For some odd reason he took an immediate liking to me. He was fascinated by my background, my school work and my major. I still remember his last words as we left that day. "Jerry, I'm impressed with you. Continue doing well with your studies. You know that I can always use a good engineer," and with that he laughed and slapped me on the back. "Kim, you got a keeper, make sure that he doesn't get away." I had a grin on my face just like Dopey, the seventh dwarf. "See, I told you not to worry. They loved you," Kim smiled and snuggled into me in the back seat of "the car" taking us back into the city. I gave a huge sigh of relief and thanked the stars that that was over. But a recurring thought came into my head; now it was Kim's turn. She would have to meet my folks. I smiled slightly as I compared my Mom and Dad's small, South Philly row house with the estate I had just visited - jeez, talk about contrast. Well, I knew that my folks would take Kim into their hearts, that's the way they were. I just hope that Kim would understand that there was rich and there was not so rich. It would be interesting. Actually, Kim's visit to meet my folks didn't go badly at all. I could see her eyes widen when she first took in my parent's little row house. Kim had never been exposed to how the working class lived and this was a new experience for her. I have to admit she handled it well. It was only now and then that I was able to glimpse a strange expression in her eyes, a look that unsettled me just a bit. Was it contempt? disdain? No, I knew Kim pretty well by then; she wouldn't look down on folks who were in a lower economic level. She and my mom seemed to bond well and before I knew it they were in the little kitchen with Mom giving her a recipe for my favorite pot roast. I had to stifle a laugh, I was not sure if Kiim could boil water. My dad took this opportunity to guide me outdoors where we sat on the stoop. He turned to me, "Jerry, Kim seems like a really nice gal and she obviously adores you. I hope that you'll be very happy together." I could sense a hesitancy in his voice. I looked at him with a question in my eyes. His mouth turned a bit grim as he continued. "Jerry, you have to understand, Kim has only known a life free of want, a life of privilege. I suspect that, without her even realizing it, she will expect you to provide that same kind of life. I know that engineering can make you a good living, but I'm not sure it comes anywhere near what she will want. Look, I could be totally wrong, but it's something you should think about." He clapped me on the shoulder and guided me back into the house. When the four of us were in the front parlor, my dad brought out wine glasses and stated that he had an announcement to make. "Jerry, Kim, a toast to your happiness. May your lives together be long and filled with joy. And now I would like to tell you that we have sold the house and that we're moving to Florida. We bought a small, two bedroom villa on the west coast there and I have been offered a part time job. We have had enough of the cold winters and we'll be moving by the end of the month. Cheers" He tipped his glass as I sat there dumbfounded. When I was able to get my voice back, I laughed and told them that that was great news and wished them good luck. I mentioned that they should keep that second bedroom ready for Kim and I when we came to visit. I again saw that look in Kim's eyes, but shrugged it off. I was happy for my folks. *************** Kim decided that between what her parents were paying for her lodging and what I was paying for the one room "apartment" we could pool our resources and get a real apartment close by. Her reasoning made sense and that's what we did. We were able to rent a relatively nice apartment not far from where I was now living. Of course Kim insisted that she now needed a car to get he to school so daddy got her a 300 series BMW. Well, she needed a car so I really had no cause to complain. Our senior year went well. Kim was busy with her studies and with wedding plans. Since I had little to do with either I concentrated on my school work and made sure that my grades were high. It was funny; between my school work, Kim's school work and the time she spent on the phone and with her Mom planning this wedding, we actually had less time with each other then before we began cohabitating. A rather unsettling event occurred about two months before graduation. Kim returned home and interrupted me at the computer with startling news. "Jerry, I got the job, the part time job. I start next week, it's just two nights to begin with but if things work out I'll have a promise for full time when I graduate. Isn't that great," she gushed. This was all new to me and I pressed her for more information. She informed me that it was with a large publishing house in center city and she would be a probationary assistant editor. After graduation, the probation period would end and she would assume full time duties in that position. I complained (or whined) a little. "Jeez, Kim. We see each other so seldom now, it's like we're strangers living in the same place. It will be worse now." "I know, Jer. But this is a golden opportunity . Please be happy for me, honey. It's what I've been shooting for," she pleaded. So I just bit my lip and shut my mouth. How could I begrudge her this opportunity? I forced a smile on my puss and tooki her in my arms. "You'll be great, honey. You'll knock them dead. It won't be long before you'll be a senior editor once they recognize your talent." She laughed gleefully and danced around the apartment, while I had this forced grin on my face, wondering why I was experiencing a cold chill of foreboding. Actually, it worked out fairly well. Kim spent a couple of evenings at Crown Publishing during the week when I had late classes, so we really didn't miss too much time together, at least no more than usual. The end of the semester came quickly and before I even realized it the date of the wedding was here. She was to be a June bride. I had only invited a few friends from school and of course my parents came up from Florida. I tried to get Ben Klein to come in from Calif., but he still had a couple of finals and couldn't miss them. It was a bit strange; there were over 200 guests for this shindig, held of course in one of the ritziest hotels in town, and only a handful were my family and friends. I went through the entire day and evening in a bit of a haze, just allowing events to carry me through. The only part of the day that really stood out was a conversation I had with Bernie, Kim's father. Later in the evening he took me aside and escorted me into a room off the ballroom. It was outfitted like a study with easy leather chairs and walls full of books. I briefly wondered what the hotel used this for. "Jerry," he began. "I know that you have resumes out, but I want you to really consider coming to work for me. I need to supplement my technical department and I want you to train with Don, our head electrical engineer. Look, Jerry, this isn't a sinecure, this is a real job with a lot of room for advancement. The fact that you're the boss's son won't mean shit to the guys you'll be working with, plus I'll pay you more than anyone else," and he grinned at me. What the hell, I'm not stupid. I recognized that this was a good deal for me and it wasn't like this was a handout. I would give a 100 percent and Bernie knew it. He was also sensitive to the fact that I felt very strongly that Kim and I would have to make it on our own. We shook hands and that was our contract. My folks gave us a beautiful sterling silver service for 12 which I'm sure put a crimp in their budget. My In-laws gave us a 10 day vacation in Jamaica. I felt a bit funny about that, but I realized that it would be boorish to refuse or complain about them paying for our honeymoon. I just began to feel uneasy about the influence the VanHorns were going to have on my relationship with Kim. Kim and I had had a few conversations about this topic and she knew how adamant I was about making it on our own. She would pooh pooh my concerns, but they were very real to me. The only real disagreement we had (ok, it was a doozy of a fight) came when we discussed where we should live after graduation and our wedding. Kim only insisted that we buy an apartment in one of the high rise buildings in center city. It would be close to her work as well as close to the Van Horn building where I would be located. I tried to explain to her that we had nowhere near the resources for that kind of expenditure and that we would rent a nice apartment near the center of town. Then, when we could financially afford it, we could look for something to buy. Kim was furious that I wouldn't accept help from her folks. I told her in no uncertain terms that mommy and daddy were not going to be cash cows for us. We would either make it on our own, or not make it at all. Kim saw that I was intransigent and finally and grudgingly gave in. It was an argument that I won at the moment, but I didn't know at what cost. We did find a nice two bedroom, two bath place not far from where we both worked. Kim had her car and I would be able to hop on a street car which would drop me off at work ten minutes later. It was really convenient. We went into hock for the furniture, but I was able to control Kim's spending and we had the place furnished nicely in no time. Bernie was true to his word. My job was no cake walk. I was introduced to Don Malone, a big, heavy Irishman, with a shock of white hair. I think he forgot more about engineering that I had learned in the four years in college. He might have been gruff, but he took me under his wing and I learned. Boy, did I learn. I began to realize that graduating from the college program was just the beginning of my career in this field. We wrote performance requirements, we developed maintenance schedules, we planned and designed layouts, we developed time and cost estimates on construction projects. It was a training program that was invaluable to me as a trainee and I took to it like a duck to water. Our work day ended at 5, but it was not unusual for me to remain until 6 or even later, cramming in as much as I could. Kim was also immersed in her job. She loved the excitement of meeting with and working with new authors and developing projects to introduce new works to the market. Two years into the job she was now no longer an assistant, but a full fledged editor. She was making pretty good money and we were trying to sock away as much as we could for a place of our own. Since we were not going to have children, our plan was to buy an apartment in one of the luxury high rises in center city, a place that Kim wanted from the outset. I also noticed that instead of Kim finding pleasure in our new place, she constantly denigrated it, even going so far as to once calling it squalid. It was obvious that she wasn't going to be happy until she was settled into digs that she thought appropriate to her station. I resented her attitude and our relationship became a bit strained. . Ben Klein and I kept in touch. He kept trying to get me to move out to California, but I was content where I was and I also knew that there was no way I was going to convince Kim to move. I tried to convince him that getting me to move was a dead issue, but he would bring it up now and then. I had to laugh, he was such a character. **************** It started with a telephone call. It was a Friday, early evening and I had quietly made reservations at one of the poshest restaurants in town, I had two dozen roses delivered, which were now sitting in water in a very pretty crystal vase. I also had a little velvet box containing two diamond earings as a gift for my beautiful wife It was our 2nd wedding anniversary. I bet she thought I had forgotten, she hadn't said a word to me about it. The ringing of the phone startled me from my reverie. "Jerry?" It was Kim. "Honey, I'm really sorry, but it looks like I'm going to be late again tonight. We have a million things yet to do about the turnout of Paul's new novel and I'm going to be here for at least another few hours. I'll grab something to eat and see you around 10 or so," she rushed. She didn't even give me time to reply before she hung up. I sat with the phone still in my hand, gazing at the roses on the sideboard. Did she even know that it was our anniversary? I wondered. Was that job of hers more important to her? I thought back to the past year. We were both immersed in our jobs, I realized, and had not paid too much attention to the most important job we had; the job of keeping our marriage alive and well. It was almost as if we were friends sharing an apartment. In the last couple of months Kim was almost always either at work, or preoccupied with work. When they had begun work on the introduction of Paul Lavell's new novel, that's all she could talk about. Her excitement was infectious and I was happy for her; although I got a little tired about hearing how wonderful Paul was. I had the occasion to meet him a couple of times and was not too impressed. Oh, he was a tall, goodlooking guy, but I could sense a bit of arrogance in him. He seemed to think that me being an engineer was funny, for some reason. (Oh, what a hit we made We came on next to closing Best on the bill, lovers until Love left the masquerade) Charade Ch. 01 ************** It was a reception at the Rittenhouse Hotel, about 3 or 4 months ago, that I was first introduced to him. Kim was dressed in a clinging black dress that showed no line of bra or even panties. I had not seen her dress that evening, but I was a bit uneasy about her being there with nothing on under that garment. We had no sooner walked in then she pulled me toward this guy with rather long, greasy hair and introduced me. Lavell shook my hand and I felt the pressure he was trying to exert, he was actually trying to cause me pain. I was startled and at that point realized that here was a grade A schmuck. It only took a second or two for his face to pale as I crushed his fingers and he pulled back quickly. "Hi Kim," he almost sneered. "So this is the engineer," and he then laughed. My eyes flicked to Kim and I saw her color and quickly look away. Had they had a previous conversation about me and my profession, I wondered? Did Kim find my profession a cause for amusement? The evening went downhill quickly from that moment. After that somewhat contentious introduction I saw little of Kim. She seemed to be at Lavell's side the whole evening. His eyes would meet mine occasionally and he would then wrap his arm around Kim's waist possessively, almost daring me to object. It's funny though, a week or so later she stopped talking about the project and was almost totally mum about Lavell. When I brought him up in conversation, Kim would wave her hand dismissively and change the subject. I thought it a bit strange. I now began to get a funny feeling in my gut. My face flushed as I realized what I was beginning to suspect. I laughed weakly and told myself not to become paranoid. That didn't help one bit. Days passed and we went through the motions of marriage. Kim was obviously preoccupied and the attention she paid to me and our relationship was almost perfunctory. She was at home in body only. Had she even begun to realize that we hadn't made love in weeks? It was about a week or so before our anniversary that I decided to leave work on time and I made my way to Crown Publishing. I thought that we would have dinner and discuss taking more time for ourselves. Maybe putting our jobs second for a change. Somehow I took the elevator to the executive floor, instead of the one below. I had just exited the elevator when I saw James Frost, the exec. VP. He approached me and smiled. "Jerry, good to see you. It's been awhile," and he slapped me gently on the shoulder. "Hi Jim," I replied. "I obviously got off on the wrong floor. I'm here to take my wife to dinner, hopefully. That is if she isn't still wrapped up in the Lavell thing." "Oh, no. That's been over for a few weeks now. Paul's still staying in the VIP apartment upstairs, but the book's now at the printers and things are back to normal.. Go grab Kim, she deserves a good dinner," he smiled and continued along the hall. I stood there, pensively, and then took the stairs down to the appropriate floor. I made my way to Kim's office and found her standing in the hall. She saw me and I saw a startled expression come to her eyes. "Jerry, what are you doing here?" she blurted out. "Hi Kim," I replied sweetly. "I thought it would be nice to have dinner out together this evening. It's been quite awhile and I thought we could spend some time together for a change." I could see the flash of annoyance. "I can't, Jer. You know how busy I am with Paul's novel. Please be patient, this thing will be over soon, I promise. and our lives can get back to normal.. I'll try to get home earlier tonight." She reached and patted me on the cheek, turned and went back into her office. I stood for a moment, then turned and left. (Fate seemed to pull the strings I turned and you were gone While from the darkened wings The music box played on) ***************** I saw that it was now almost 11. I guessed that Kim's statement about being home at 10 was like her other promises. I took the roses and tossed them, vase and all, into the trash can. I threw the earings into my desk drawer. I went to bed and lay there awake, wondering where my life was going. It was almost 1 a.m. when I heard the front door open. It didn't take long for Kim to undress and climb into bed, next to me. She smelled clean and fresh, as if from a recent shower. I feigned sleep. It was at that moment that I knew for certain that she was having an affair with Lavell. Yeah, I should have realized it before - I guess that I just didn't want to face it. I did not get much sleep that night. I had no real proof of her adultery, but then again I really needed none. There was no one I had to convince and we didn't have huge assets to fight over. The divorce would be simple. But, by the same token, I didn't want to go off half cocked; I did want her infidelity to be known. I guess I was a little vindictive, I wanted everyone to know what she was. I lay there and let my mind wander, back to the days when we first met, back to the months we first lived together. I had loved that Kim - no, I had adored her. Where had she gone? The tears came, wet my cheeks and ran to my pillow. I was up very early the next morning. It was Saturday, but I headed out for the office. I wanted someplace where I could be alone, I needed to think. I needed to decide how to proceed. I knew that my marriage was over, but I wanted to be in charge of the steps that would end it. I wanted some evidence of my wife's infidelity. I knew that there was really no way I would be able to get the facts that I wanted. I knew what to do. I was able to locate a private investigation firm that was literally next door to Van Horn Construction. I called and was able to set up an appointment with Marge DeMarco, one of the owners, for that very morning. I took the elevator to the 8th floor and opened the door to the suite of offices. As I entered, a tall, slender woman of about 50 waved to me from her office across the reception area and motioned me in. "I presume that you're Jerry Ford. I'm Marge DeMarco," and her handshake was firm and brief. She indicated a chair as she moved behind her desk. "My presence here is fortuitous," she began. "Usually, no one is in on a weekend, unless we're working on something urgent. Please, just relax and tell me what you want us to do for you." I told her of my suspicions and gave her all of the information that I had. When I told her of the VIP apartment at the publishing house, she grimaced. "Jerry," she hesitated and then asked if she could address me so. I nodded. "Ok, Jerry. I get the drift. Based on what you have told me, I would tend to agree that perhaps your suspicions may be correct. The problem, and it's a very big problem, is that VIP apartment. If your wife and this author are or were meeting there, it would be more than difficult for us to determine that. Whatever evidence we could garner would be illegally obtained and could not be used in any court of law." I interrupted her. "Marge, I don't give a rat's ass about the legality of the evidence. I just want to confirm what I already know. My so called "suspicions" are really more than that. I just know that my wife is, or at least has been, unfaithful. I just want that confirmed. She sat and looked at me with what seemed to be a bit of pity. "Ok, Jerry. Give us a couple of weeks and we'll try to get as much as we can. This could be difficult and I want you to be prepared if we tell you that we couldn't get what you want. Here's a packet of information concerning our company, the fees we charge and a copy of the standard contract. Look it over, sign the contact and mail it back with a check. We'll start on Monday and get back to you as soon as we can. Okay?" I again nodded, shook her hand and left. It was now going on noon and I decided to head home. I felt a skosh better, at least I had taken a course of action. I didn't feel like such a victim any longer. When I walked into our apartment I immediately saw Kim standing in the doorway of the kitchen. (Wow, I wasn't sure that she even knew we had one.) Her eyes were blazing and she wasted no time in giving me both barrels. "Goddamnit, Jerry, Where the fuck did you go? Do you even remember that it's our anniversary today? Did you even remember to get me a shitty card, at least? Did you even remember to make at least some small gesture?" I just stood and looked at her. I guess she figured that a good offense was the way to go. "Kimberly," I replied calmly. "Today is the 11th, our anniversary is the 10th, which was yesterday. The roses I got you are outside in the trash can, I had to cancel our dinner reservations, and if you want to root through the junk in my desk, maybe you can find the present that I had gotten for you. I imagine that what you had to do last night was more important, especially since it necessitated staying until almost 1:00 a.m." She just stood and now looked a bit frightened, her eyes darting everywhere, afraid to meet my steady gaze. She had paled, but I could see her trying to pull herself together. "I'm sorry, Jer," she finally managed. She moved to the sofa and sat, shaking her head. "I don't know where I am half the time. This campaign has gotten me really frazzled." She looked up at me, imploring me to understand. "It's over, Jerry. The campaign is finally over. Please, let's try to forget the past couple of months and really work on our marriage." Yeah, like I was really going to forget. What she didn't know was that I knew that the project had ended long before. Shit, the guilt was written all over her face. I don't know how I managed not to gag. I didn't exacerbate the situation, but the tension was palpable and it didn't dissipate much during the week. Again, we were going through the motions. But, there were no more late night meetings. Kim was home every evening around 5 or a few minutes after. It looked like her little adventure with Lavell had ended. You know what, I didn't give a shit; the damage was already done. I could see that Kim was really trying to get our marriage back on track. I thought that I could see the regret and worry surface now and then. As far as I was concerned, it was too late. Was I too proud, too stubborn? Should I have made more of an attempt to save my marriage? Maybe, but her adultery, her betrayal just ate at my guts. The trust which was the foundation of any marriage, was gone. How could I ever trust her again? How could I ever forget? Could I ever forgive her? Who knows - but I knew that I could not forget, and the knowledge of what she had done to us guaranteed the end. Our marriage had become a charade. **************** A few days later I got a call from Ben Klein. We had kept in touch and called each other periodically. "Jerry, did you give any thought to my suggestion about moving our here? The opportunities are unlimited and we sure could use another good electrical engineer." Ben had been trying to get me to move for awhile now. Maybe now I should give it some thought. I had dismissed the suggestion previously. "It's an idea, Ben. I'm not sure right now, but maybe we can talk about it again sometime, okay?" I left it dangling. Ben started to get excited, but I told him that it's just a firm maybe. **************** A few days later, Marge DeMarco called me at work and asked me to drop by. I sat by her desk and refused a glass of water or a cup of coffee. Marge began: "Jerry, I have some news, but I don't know if you'll be happy or not. I called you in early, before the two week period I had requested, because we have come to a dead-end. Our investigation has shown nothing that can confirm your suspicions. That's why I don't have a full, written report for you. If I attempted to put down on paper what we have discovered, there would be little there and what there would be would be innocuous. Thus, I am refunding to you a portion of our fee. The only significant information I can give you is the result of our inquiries into Paul Lavell's background. It looks like he's quite the womanizer. There have been three sexual harassments complaints against him, all settled before they went to court, and it also appears that at least two divorces can be chalked up him. It looks like he's a really nasty character. I'm sorry that we couldn't be of more help to you." I was disappointed but resigned. I guess I really didn't expect them to be too successful. Okay, I would proceed without the evidence I wanted. It wasn't really necessary, I guess I just wanted some payback. I called John Kramer, an attorney I knew slightly, and was told that he was out of town, but would be returning in about ten days. I made an appointment to see him. It was time to get this over with. In the meantime, Kim and I just tiptoed around each other. The surprise came a couple of days before my appointment with Kramer. I had just come home from work and had hung my jacket on the back of a chair when Kim rushed into the house, breathless and obviously agitated. Her movements seemed almost manic, her laughter brittle. "Jerry, Jerry, please sit down. I have to talk to you," she blurted. "I know we didn't want children, but I'm pregnant. We're going to be parents, Jerry. Oh, honey, this can be so wonderful. You're going to be a father. Please don't be angry, Jerry. Please be happy for us," and she looked at me, anxiety written all over her face. I was stunned, absolutely flabbergasted. I really couldn't even think for a couple of seconds. Then the absurdity of it hit me, the irony. Kim was always careless about taking her birth control pills and she got caught, Lavell had impregnated her. And here she was, trying to make me believe that the child was mine. I was enraged; I think that I really hated her at that moment. She had made me a cuckold and now she was trying to make me believe that the child was mine. Strong emotions tore at me. I suddenly felt devastated, a sense of extreme loss almost overcame me, which overrode the anger. I was losing control as I rode an emotional roller coaster. And then.......nothing. I felt nothing, as if something had died inside of me. I felt a vast emptiness, a hollowness, a coldness that pervaded my soul. I just didn't care anymore, I just wanted it over. "I'll be out of here as soon as I pack a few things. I'll get the rest of my stuff later, when you're not here," I said dully. Kim sat and I saw her eyes fill with unshed tears. She knew that the game was over and she lowered her head and a sob caught in her throat. "I'm sorry, Jerry. You don't know how sorry I am," I was curious, I wondered why it had gone so wrong. Was it an inherent flaw in her character? Was it me? "Why Kim? Was our marriage so unimportant to you?" My voice was soft, I did not yell. Kim looked up at me, her eyes watery. "Why? I asked myself that question again and again. I'm not sure; maybe it was the excitement, the glamor, the thrill of being in a spotlight with famous people. Stupid reasons, I have no excuses. I was weak, foolish. I allowed myself to be seduced, not only by Paul, but by the job, that environment. I didn't realize the hole I was digging for myself until it was too late." The tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Jerry, I'm so ashamed, ashamed at what I have done and so ashamed about what I just did - lying to you about being the father of the baby. That was despicable. I was just so terrified. I am truly sorry about that, Jerry. You didn't deserve that; you didn't deserve any of this." Her eyes dropped to her lap. "Is there anyway........?" she asked dully. She knew what the answer would be. I interrupted her. "No," I replied, emotionless. "I have an appointment with John Kramer. I suggest you get a lawyer. We'll split what we have. The divorce should go through without any problems." I rose, went into the bedroom and packed a bag. Walking to the door, I saw that Kim was still sitting there, her head down, sobbing softly. I left. ******************** (Sad little serenade Song of my heart's composing I hear it still, I always will Best on the bill Charade) (To be concluded in Ch. 02) Charade Ch. 02 One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was to confront Bernie Van Horn and tell him that I was divorcing his daughter and handing in my resignation. "Goddamnit, Jerry, Why? Why? At least tell me why. Haven't I treated you well? You're like a son to me; why are you doing this?" Bernie had tears in his eyes and I had to swallow a lump in my throat. "Bernie, please," I managed to get out. "I can't give you the details, I really can't. I imagine Kim will explain everything to you. I really have little choice, Bernie. And you're right - you have been like a second father to me and I'll never be able to repay you for your faith and trust in me. I wish I can explain everything, but I just can't, I can't." I felt myself losing control again and I stopped, unable to continue. I just couldn't tell him that his daughter had been unfaithful and was carrying someone else's child. Bernie saw my distress and I thought I saw a flash of understanding and sympathy in his eyes. He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Okay, Jerry. You don't have to say any more. Get a hold of yourself. Maybe I understand more than you think. Do what you think you have to do, but you have to promise that you'll let me help you however and whenever I can. Okay?." I nodded, rose and left his office. I spent the next week at a Hilton in town, trying to get my head around all that had happened to me. When all was said and done, there really wasn't a lot to think about. I instituted divorce proceedings, I knew that it wouldn't be contested. I took a cold, hard look at my circumstances and realized that there really wasn't anything left for me here. My wife ands were now in my past and my folks had moved to Florida. I made up my mind and called Ben Klein. I was on a plane bound for LA within a week. Ben had submitted my resume to his company and I was on the job a few days after my arrival in Los Angles. I stayed with Ben and his wife Rachael for a couple of weeks until I was able to find an apartment near to the job. Ben had married about the same time I did and he found a winner. Rachael didn't know me from Adam, but we had talked a few times over the phone when Ben called or I had phoned him. She was warm and couldn't have been more friendly and welcoming. She, as much as Ben, made me always feel wanted in their home - more then welcome it turned out. She was about 5" 3" inches tall and built beautifully with dark hair and flashing brown eyes. She slowly joined my very small list of very special friends. I was happy for Ben and for Rach also. ********************** So the weeks passed by. I immersed myself in the work. Thank goodness for my work, it kept me from agonizing about the destruction of my marriage and my longing for Kim, at least during the day. The nights were hellish and my sleep was filled with dark dreams and "could have beens." Sometimes I would drink myself into oblivion and then let my anger rise to the surface. I would smash a few things against the wall and then pass out on the sofa. I wanted my wife back - not the one I had divorced, but the one I had met and married. Was Kim's infidelity at least partially my fault? Should I have stayed and tried to work things out? Was I being cowardly for running away? I had given those questions hours and hours of thought and I came to the realization that I wasn't that strong. I couldn't forgive her betrayal and I knew that I couldn't accept the child - the child that would always be a reminder of her adultery. What kept me on a reasonably sane path most of the time was the companionship and friendship of Ben and Rachael. They were constantly after me to spend the weekend at their place, or come with them for a weekend of camping, or nagging me to accept a blind date in which they thought I may have some interest. I managed to avoid the attempts at dating, but I did spend quite a bit of time with them at their house. Relaxing by their pool in the warm sun seemed to help my turmoil. It also gave me the opportunity to appreciate Rachael in her brief bikinis. Oh, they were relatively modest, but she did have a great figure. Nah, no wrong ideas - just normal male appreciation. It was rather strange though. As the months passed, I would get a call every once in awhile from Bernie Van Horn. He was sensitive enough to never bring Kim up in our conversations, but was interested in what I was doing and how I was getting along. The strange thing was that I would also get a call now and then from, of all people, Katherine Van Horn. She seemed genuinely concerned about me and was warm and friendly on the phone. I was really happy that they both wanted to keep in touch. But then things started to get a little weird at the Klein's. As I mentioned, both Ben and Rachael kept after me to come visit every chance they got, so I was over there during the weekends more often than not. It was almost like being with family - no, I take that back. It was like being with family, they were that close to me. And I did enjoy the private back lawn with the pool and patio. But, as time passed, both Ben and Rachael became increasingly concerned about my lack of interest in dating or pursuing members of the opposite sex - you know, women. It wasn't as if I wanted to become a monk or anything, it was just that I really didn't have any interest. I guess the circumstances of the breakup of my marriage may have put me off looking for any type of relationship. Oh, I had the usual urges, but they were taken care of manually, so to speak. But, Rachael's bikinis started to get briefer and briefer until it was almost embarrassing. Her latest was no more then three little triangles of material that could be stuffed in a shirt pocket. The top barely covered her nipples and the bottom was a brief triangle over her crotch and a string up her rear end. I gotta be truthful, it became difficult to hide my erection. Also, little encounters began to occur. I mean like when I would come out of the bathroom, she would be in the hall wearing only a very brief bra and panties, or sometimes just the panties. It really started to become uncomfortable for me. No way in hell would I every even dream of putting a move on Rach, I wasn't that much of a pig. The strange encounters came to a head about four or five weeks after the appearance of the brief bikinis. It was a Saturday and Ben had excused himself to run to the store to get a case of beer. I had volunteered to go, but he had insisted I stay. I was again coming out of the bathroom after taking a leak, when I saw Rachael coming down the hall. She was wearing a short, silk robe which pretty well should have covered the vital parts, but the robe was wide open and she was naked under it. I almost twisted an ankle trying to turn around to avoid her. She came up to me, took me by the hand and commanded, "Come with me, Jerry. We need to talk." "Rach," I stammered. "Please, tie that robe......please. Ben will be home soon. I don't want him getting wrong ideas." I realized that I was babbling, but she was leading me down the hall and out of the house to the patio. "Don't worry about Ben, Jerry. He'll be back when I call and tell him to be back. In the meantime we need to have a conversation," she said calmly while sitting in a chair across from me, her robe totally open and her legs slightly apart. Her tits were staring me in the face and I could see the lips of her sex which were visible under her public hair. "Jerry," she snapped. "Enough - stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not the only guy in the world that got crapped on and you won't be the last. You can't avoid women the rest of your life and you can't get too friendly with your fist, if you know what I mean," and she colored slightly at that remark. She put her hands under her breasts and lifted them slightly. "These are breasts, Jerry. Sometimes they're called tits or boobs or a million other names. All women have them and most men are very appreciative of them." She then pulled at her nipples. "These are nipples, Jerry. They get hard and erect when a woman is aroused. Did you know that?" I sat there, red faced, almost panicking. Ben would kill me and I would let him. I just didn't know how to get out of this quagmire. Rachael then stood and let the robe fall to her feet. She spread her legs and commanded me to look at her pussy. "Look, Jerry. This is a pussy, or kitty, or cunt or whatever. You know the names. In case you've forgotten, it's there for an erect penis, or cock or dick. That's how women are built, Jer. They have pussies so that they can be fucked. That's what it for, Jerry. I don't mean to be crude, but I just want to make sure that you still remember that." She then moved to me and took my hand. I sat paralyzed, almost afraid to even breath. She placed my hand on her pussy and put my finger between her lips. "Feel, Jerry. This is what a pussy feels like. Now it's unfortunate that I am not aroused, but if I were what you're feeling would be very wet or at least moist. Ooops, I guess that I am a little moist," she giggled. "Don't worry, Jerry. You're a dear friend and I am not going to screw you. Ben and I just thought that this kind of shocking encounter would stir you out of your depression and lethargy." She then turned and put her robe back on and closed and tied it this time. She sat again and looked at me calmly. "Ok, Jerry. Now it's your turn to say something. I hope that I didn't shock you too much and I hope you know that we did this out of love and affection for you." She now seemed a bit concerned and unsure of herself. "Holy shit, Rach," I muttered. "That's kind of extreme, to say the least. What's Ben going to think of this," I worried. Rachael smiled. "Don't worry, Jer. Ben knows exactly what I intended to do and he agreed. He thought it may work too. Jerry, Ben trusts you with his life and he feels the same about me. Don't worry about what Ben feels. I want you to examine your feelings and recognize that you have to get back in the game." *********************** Well, I guess it worked, at least to some degree. Ben returned to the house a little later and all he could do is grin and titter. I think that he could barely control himself from breaking into a honest to god belly laugh. His good humor and glee at my embarrassment got rid of my guilt. Almost in self defense, I began accepting blind dates from the Kleins and, surprisingly, quite a few of the gals were nice and I enjoyed myself. I also know that these were just dates and weren't going to go anywhere. I also knew the reason for that. Shit, I still loved Kim. I missed her terribly. How do you stop loving someone? I knew that it was over; I knew that we would never again be together, but it still hurt and it hurt to the core of my being. That was my hang-up, that was the obstacle I had to overcome in order to get my life on track again. I had to bury the horror of the last months with Kim, I had to bury my love for her, I had to forget and move on. And for the first time since I left, I began to do just that. Oh, the love and hurt were still there, I just had sublimated them. I made the attempt to drive them deep into my subconscious, and as time passed I became more and more successful. It wasn't long before it just became a dull, achy memory with which I was able to cope. I also knew that in order to "get back into the game" I had to open myself to opportunities. I couldn't just rely on Ben and Rachael for blind dates. Eventually they were going to run out of women to whom I could be introduced. I joined a local health club and started working out. I signed up for a cooking class at the community college; if nothing else it would improve my pathetic cooking skills. I even went so far as to consider joining a library group, but - nah, I told myself not to get too carried away. Anyway, Ben and Rach were happy that I was "back in the game." So I plugged along, kept busy working, going out on an occasional date, settling into a rut of my own making. Without even realizing it two years had passed since I had moved to the west coast. Was I happy? Hmmm, can't answer that - I seemed to operate in a semi-fog. I went through the motions and I'm sure that everyone saw a guy that seemed normal, but I knew I was fucked up. Shit, two years and I still hurt - not overtly, but deep down and I knew that the pain would never go away. ****************** Then my world changed again. It was on a Thursday evening when I received a call from my mom. She was crying and she was having a hard time getting me to understand, but then it hit me. My dad had had a massive stroke, he had died on the way to the hospital. I felt my stomach turn and I felt light headed. I knew that I had to get control of myself. I tried to calm my mom and told her I would fly out immediately. I called Ben, told him what had happened and interrupted his shocked sympathy. I asked him to contact personnel the next day and have them grant me a leave of absence. I didn't know how long I would be gone. I packed a couple of bags, called the airport and was on a plane for Tampa a few hours later. We landed early the next morning and I managed to get a rental car fairly quickly at the airport. The sun was just up and it looked like it was going to be a hot, muggy day. It wasn't too long before I was at the house. There was a note on the front door addressed to me. It was from Mrs. Simmons, the next door neighbor. She had written her phone number requesting me to call as soon as I arrived. I took the note, unlocked the door and found the house empty. I immediately phoned the number still in my hand. "Mrs. Simmons? This is Jerry Ford. I just got your note........." she interrupted quickly. "Jerry, don't fret, but your mom had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor said that she'll be fine so stay calm. I'll be right over, you stay right there." This was a take charge woman and my first panicky fright was allayed a bit, I calmed down and waited for her. Five minutes later, Mrs. Simmons, or Katy as she told me to call her, gave me all the information she had. They were together last night when my mom starting complaining about neck and arm pains. Being no fool, Katy immediately called 911 and when they arrived they quickly whisked mom to the ER. She was examined, given an EKG and had her heart catherized by a interventional cardiologist who was on call. Blockages had been discovered and she was scheduled for cardiac bypass surgery later in the week. I immediately started for the door when Katy stopped me. She turned me around and spoke calmly and forcibly, "Jerry, just wait for me. Give me 15 minutes to get cleaned up again and dressed and I'll go with you instead of giving you directions to the hospital." I stopped and sagged a bit. She put her arms around me and patted me on the back. "Don't worry, Jerry. Your mom's going to be ok. They do this kind of thing all of the time down here. She's only 56 and she's got plenty of good years left - she's still a young woman." "Thanks, Katy. I appreciate the support. I'll wait for you here. I really am grateful for all that you've done. You're a good friend," and then I gently extracted myself from her embrace. Thank goodness my mom had close friends. We got to the hospital not long after and I had my first opportunity to see my mom and speak with her. She was still in shock at my dad's death. She just didn't care about getting well or having the surgery. I had to do my damned best to convince her to have the surgery. I had to remind her that she now was all that I had, and she had to do her best to be here for me. I appealed to her sense as a mother and I guess it worked. She agreed to the surgery. She was operated on about 5 days later and came through well. Five days after the surgery she was home recuperating. I was amazed, I thought that she would be hospitalized for weeks and bedridden for weeks more. Little did I know. A week after surgery we were taking short walks in the neighborhood. During mom's stay in the hospital I made all of the arrangements for dad's funeral. He was buried in a suburban cemetery with friends and neighbors attending. There was a sizeable crowd, he was well liked. I also noted that most of the people there were in there 60s at least and were shocked at dad's untimely death. He had just turned 60 himself. I insisted that mom not attend, she was still weak from surgery and still in hospital. I promised her that we would visit dad's grave as soon as she felt she could. During my days there I was able to give quite a bit of thought to my immediate future. I wasn't sure about mom's health and I really felt reluctant to leave her. After quite a bit of deliberation and talks with both Ben and Rachael I decided to quit my job and move somewhere close to my mom. Ben promised that he would contact a moving company who would pack everything up for me and deliver it on a date specified by me. Ben got most of my personal stuff from the apartment and my desk at work and shipped it to me. He also made arrangements to get my car shipped down to me. Thank goodness for Ben and Rach, their help was a godsend. I was amazed at the progress my mom was making. Oh sure, she tired easily and needed a nap during the afternoon, but, all in all, she made tremendous strides back to health. I was living with her and between my help and the help of Katy Simmons (who, I discovered, was also widowed recently) my mom was doing very well. I had just decided that it was time for me to begin looking for work. I needed a job. My expenses the last few weeks were very minimal, but I knew that I couldn't sit around on my ass forever. Mom was now healthy enough to take care of herself and I needed to work. In this frame of mind I sat with her in the living room and told her that I was going to start to look for a job. Mom looked at me and gave me her opinion. "Jerry, I know that you have a bit of money put aside and I do also. This place is paid for and my living expenses are not great. I have a good suggestion: let's pool our resources and you open your own office. Start your own business. I have tremendous confidence in you; I know that you can make this a success. We can be partners. I know how to run an office and you can do the technical part of it. What do you say?" I was flabbergasted. I had never given any thought to starting my own business. I was an engineer, not a businessman, but I was intrigued. I immediately saw some potential in the idea. I knew that there were a ton of small contractors who did not have an engineering department and farmed out that work. Could I tap into that market? I needed to think about it and I needed to talk to some people, Ben Klein being the first. He was enthusiastic, he told me to go for it; I had nothing to lose. So mom and I pooled what little money we had and I opened a small office in town, just enough space for the little work that I hoped would be coming in. I also advertised in the local trade publications and made it a point to visit and introduce myself to as many local contractors as I could. Slowly, very slowly, some work began to come in. Within a few months we were making expenses. That was it, no profit, just making expenses. Then, out of the blue, I received a request for a bid on a mid-size office building. I worked on that bid for hours and pared my profit margin to the bone. I won that bid. I had to quickly expand to make the deadline which was, thankfully, far enough in the future so I had the time to get more help and get the job done. To make a long story short, the work began to come in and I had to expand three more times in the next few years until we now occupied an entire floor in a relatively new high-rise in town. I knew that I was lucky as hell, we must have hit a building boom just in time and for some reason I received a ton of work. I wasn't about to look that gift horse in the mouth; I just took it and ran with it. Charade Ch. 02 ******************* So, the first couple of years saw me totally immersed in building the business, leaving me little social time. But after about two or three years I had enough help so that I was able to catch my breath and cut back a bit on the hours I was putting in. I again joined a gym and started working out. Forget the cooking classes, I did that once and I was still a lousy cook. Thank goodness for mom. The gym though did produce an added benefit. I met a woman. Her name was Mary, that's right, Mary. Plain as any name can be. Mary Susan Black. The way we met was a little unusual. I was working on the weights and about 20 feet directly across from me was this gal. Hmmm, short dark hair, about 5' 5", nice build (yeah, yeah, nice boobs), about my age or a bit younger. Very pretty, she would have caught any guy's eye. She was working on a machine that was meant to strengthen the leg muscles and her thighs were flexing in and out. That alone would have been very interesting, but something else was happening. She was wearing a leotard, a practical garment for working out. Unfortunately, this one must have had a very weak seam in the crotch area because it was literally coming apart. I was stunned to see that half of her pussy was now exposed and it looked like the crotch of that garment was going to come apart any time now. She obviously had no idea as to what was happening to her down there. Damn, what to do? I could see half of her labia surrounded by her dark pubic hair. I knew that it wouldn't take long for the rest of the seam to go and that the leotard would snap open leaving her fully exposed. I made up my mind and walked over to her. "Uhhhh, miss," I stammered. "Look, I really don't want to be...... . I mean......." Damn, I was sounding like a real idiot. How do you tell a strange woman that her pussy is on view. She had stopped the exercise (thank goodness) and was smiling up at me. "You're really not very good at this, are you? You really should practice a little more before trying to introduce yourself to a girl." She giggled just a little, taking away any possible sting in her remark. Might as well get to it. I leaned over and whispered in her ear. I could see her eyes widen in shock and her face color. She quickly arose and almost ran into the ladies locker room. I then left the area, took my shower, dressed and went to work. It was difficult to get her out of my mind, which was a little disconcerting. She was nice looking and had a killer body which reminded me that I really should start dating again. I mentally shrugged and promised myself to give that some thought. The next day I was at the gym again, but that gal was not there nor was she there any time that week. I surmised that the embarrassment of her exposure to me caused her to chose another facility, which was a shame. I would have liked to see her again. To my surprise she did show up the following week. I didn't notice her at first, she wasn't in my area, but as I was finishing up I saw her approach me. "Hi," she said faintly. "My name is Mary Black and I would like to thank you for warning me in time. It would have been terribly embarrassing for me." I smiled broadly. "You're very welcome and I have been practicing. As a reward would you have lunch with me today. By the way, my name is Jerry Ford," and I extended my hand. Mary smiled a bit and shook my hand. "I guess you're certainly entitled to that, but I really should take you to lunch as a thank you for being so gallant." Well, that was the start. We got to know each other over the next few weeks. Mary was 28, about 3 years younger than I, divorced with a 3 year old daughter named Stacy. She worked in public relations for an advertising company not far from the gym. We started dating and it was after our thrid date that I met Stacy. We had had lunch on a Saturday and when I dropped her at her condo she asked me to come in and meet her little girl. I was delighted and immediately fell in love with this gorgeous little darlin'. Stacy looked nothing like her mother in that she had blond hair and blue, sparkling eyes. She was a complete extrovert and soon had me wrapped around her little finger. Mary couldn't get over how Stacy and I had taken to each other. She remarked that her daughter didn't usually open up to strangers so easily. It got so that half the fun of dating Mary was getting to see and play with her kid. I liked Mary, I really did. But I also knew that I didn't love her, at least, that I didn't feel for her what I had felt for Kimberly. I also knew that that was really not fair. Mary was a totally different person and I realized that I was also. But I liked Mary and I liked being with her. Also, entering the equation was Stacy, I was nuts about that little girl. I couldn't have felt more for her if she had been my own daughter. Mary was pretty and dynamic. She had a strong personality, which I guess was necessary in her career. But she was sweet and kind when with me, I guess it was comfortable for her to let her hair down so to speak. With Stacy she was never anything but loving and understanding. We began to form a relationship, albeit a rather strange one. Strange in that we really didn't have too much physical contact. Ok, some kissing, a little fumbling, but that's it. It never went beyond that. Yeah, yeah, I started to wonder also, until one night..... We were in Mary's condo, Stacy was sound asleep in her room. Mary had made dinner and I had bought a bottle or wine, instead of the usual flowers. I did notice that Mary had looked at me a little strangely when I handed her the wine, but didn't give it much thought. We had a nice quiet dinner. I had a couple of glasses of the wine and I noticed that Mary had just taken a sip or two of hers. "Mary, was bringing wine a mistake?" I was wondering if she was a teetotaler or something. Perhaps she was just pretending to drink because she didn't approve of alcohol? "No, no, Jerry. It's fine, really," and she picked up her glass and took a drink. She then quickly made short work of her glass and then refilled it. By the end of the meal we both were a bit buzzed. We cleared the table, bumping into each other and giggling. We then made our way into the living room and collapsed on the sofa. What happened next left me almost speechless. Mary literally attacked me. She crawled over me, grabbed my head and planted a long, wet kiss on me. My surprise lasted only a second or so and I returned the kiss enthusiastically. I felt her tongue probing and I accepted it gladly and reciprocated. I then felt Mary take my hand and place it on her breast. Yikes, she had always in the past gently removed my hand when I had attempted that. I didn't hesitate, caressing that soft mound. I heard her moan and then she shifted and began to unbutton her blouse while still keeping her lips locked on mine. Jeez, I thought, when she lets go, she lets go. Her blouse was soon open and she shrugged it from her shoulders. Taking her lips from mine, she looked up at me with eyes hooded with desire. Never looking away from me she fumbled a bit with the front clasp of her bra, opened it and tossed it aside. I sat there and just gazed at those lovely, soft hills. Her breasts were topped with dark nipples which now stood fully errect, their points almost quivering as I passed my palms over them. Mary then took my head and brought my lips to her bosum. I didn't hesitate in taking a nipple between my teeth, biting gently. I heard her moan again and I spent delicious minutes alternating between the nipples of her breasts. Without my notice (I was fully occupied) Mary had loosened the side of her skirt which was now on the floor. She sat there with me clad only in brief panties. She took my hand and placed it forcibly on her crotch, over her pussy. The area was moist and I impatiently pulled on the waistband and quickly removed the garment, Mary almost frantically helping. Mary then stood and taking me by the hand she led me to her bedroom. We quickly got rid of my shirt and slax leaving me in my brief boxers. I needed no help in getting those off. In the meantime Mary had reclined on the bed, her legs spread apart, her pussy now glistening in the dim light. I crawled between her thighs, intending to plunge right in when she put her hands on my shoulders and looking at me intently, she firmly pushed me down until I was facing her crotch. There was little doubts as to what she wanted and as if to answer any lingering doubts she grasped my head and pulled my mouth to her vulva. She was sopping wet by this time and the little nub of her clitoris was erect and I felt it pulse a bit as I attacked it with my tongue. I spent the next few minutes lavishing oral attention to the area, trailing my tongue from her clit to her vagina and back up again. I felt her fingernails digging into my scalp and heard her breathing deepen as she approached orgasm. She tensed, held me firmly against her pudendum and exploded intot my mouth. She then moaned again and released me; I pulled back a bit and took a gasp of air into my starved lungs. Her body was still quivering and I moved up and held her gently in my arms. Her body, still trembling slightly, moved and I felt her legs wrap themselves around me. She reached down, grasped my very erect cock and guided me into the steaming morass between her thighs. I was just too excited, I knew that I wouldn't last and I was right. Within a minute or two I felt myself losing control. "Don't come in me, Jerry. Please, pull out," Mary pleaded, realizing how near I was. I did as she asked and ejaculated on her belly. I collapsed beside her, trying again to catch my breath. I turned to her and saw her gazing at me, her eyes alight with affection. "I'm sorry, Mary," I muttered. "I'm sorry that was so quick." I knew that she hadn't come close to a climax. Mary laughed softly. "The night's young, Jerry. You want to make it up to me?" she murmured. "You bet. Just give me a little time, I'm kind of out of commission for awhile," I said faintly. "I know a part of you that will do just fine," and with that she rose to her knees and straddled me. She knee walked up my body until her pussy was directly over my face. I looked up and could see her lips, wet and glistening and swollen with our recent coupling. She then slowly lowered her hips until the vulva was just barely touching my mouth. I could feel stray wisps of pubic hair tickling me. I extended my tongue and moved it along the inner fold of her labia. With a grunt she ground her pussy on to me, literally fucking my tongue. My tongue danced from clit to hole, again back and forth. First lingering on her love button and then driving into her vagina. Within just a few minutes Mary again tensed, held my head tightly between her thighs and came, her breath hissing out. She rose and lay beside me - we fell asleep, both exhausted. Some time during the night I felt Mary rise and cover us with a light blanket. The next day was Saturday, thank goodness, but we both wanted to get up, shower and dress before Stacy. We didn't think that Mary's little girl should get used to seeing a man sleeping with her mother just yet. Mary made a light breakfast for us and over coffee she tried to explain what had happened to her last night. "Jerry," she began. "You have to understand something. The reason I was so aggressive last night was the wine, the alcohol. That's why I seldom drink, it lowers my inhibitions too much. I did drink last night because I wanted to, I wanted us to make love and the wine helped me do that." She looked at me with a bit of uncertainty in her eyes. "Was I too aggressive, Jerry? Do you think any less of me?" I laughed, rose and pulled her to me. "You were perfect, more than perfect and I think the world of you. Come, let me show you," and I took her hand and led her back to the bedroom. ********************** We continued dating for the next few months and had gotten very comfortable with each other. I brought Mary and Stacy to see my mom, who had given up working in my office, and was fully retired. Mary and she hit it off nicely, but mom went gaga over Stacy. She treated her as if she was her grandchild - we both knew that there would be no others. Thankfully Stacy loved her "nana" which was another hurdle overcome. Did I love Mary? Again, difficult to say. I surely liked her. I enjoyed being with her and I adored Stacy. I was happy and comfortable. We never discussed love and the future. I think that we were both content with the status quo. My life was going along so well that I began to think about the immediate future. It was silly for me to run to Mary's place or she to run to mine. We discussed the situation and came to the decision to buy a house. That is, I would buy us a house, on that I insisted. My business was doing better than ever and I certainly could afford something nice for the three of us. We looked at a beautiful ranch in a gated golf course community not far from the ocean and I negotiated the purchase. Two months after first seeing the property we were fully moved in. Marriage? It really never came up. By unspoken agreement it seemed that we really had no interest in that piece of paper. Both of our previous marriages had turned out badly and I think we both wanted to avoid any repetition. Marriage was an option if either one of us changed our minds, but for the presence, unnecessary. Stacy was now calling me daddy, and I, in effect, was her daddy. Life was good. **************** The years passed so quickly, one day blending into another. My company continued to do well. We had gained an excellent reputation and I thankfully had the personnel to keep the business growing and doing well. I didn't have to devote all of my time struggling to keep it afloat any longer. Bernie and Kate Van Horn kept in touch, and while I hadn't seen either of them since I left the area, we did manage to talk at least a couple of times a year. Of course, I was always in touch with Bed and Rachael. Mary was doing well also. She had moved up the corporate ladder and was now the director of public relations for her firm. But it seemed that the further up she moved, the more hours were required of her and the more travel. It was nothing extreme. She was usually home about the same time I was. Now, about a couple times a week, she would call and tell me not to wait dinner for her. A meeting or something would be keeping her at the office. Either of us would, at first, run over to mom's to get Stacy until our girl became old enough to be left by herself. Mary's travel also wasn't too extreme. She usually had to see clients about once every couple of months, sometimes she was gone as much as three or four days a month, but it wasn't a cause for any discontent. Our sex life was good. Even after so many years together, we were still able to light a fire in the bedroom. One strange thing though, Mary was never able to have an orgasm through vaginal intercourse. I remember her telling me....."Jerry, it's not anything to do with you, it's me. I love when you're in me, it excites me and I do feel something, but it's not an orgasm. Why worry about it, you give me massive orgasms with your mouth. I am very, very happy with what we do in bed." "Okay," I thought. "If she's happy, than I'm fine with that." Stacy......ah, beautiful, kind, compassionate Stacy. My little girl grew like topsy into a tall, blond, lovely goddess. Not only was she gorgeous but smart as a whip also. I had watched her grow over the years, totally mesmerized at her transformation from a little tot into a strong, confident, mature young lady. Stacy was now almost 20 and finishing her sophomore year at an ivy league university. ******************* It was about this time that my life started to turn to shit again. I guess that I'm really not too perceptive, but it seemed that over the last few months Mary had become.........what word or words am I looking for? Indifferent, somewhat apathetic, preoccupied..... yeah, but something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I, at first, thought that it was my imagination - after all, we had been together for almost 17 years, we had settled into a routine, had become comfortable with things as they were, what the hell was so different? I started to pay a little more attention to Mary. No, I was not more affectionate, more sensitive, more caring. I considered myself a decent companion. While I may not have loved Mary with a passion, I did care for her and wanted the best for her. I thought that we had a nice relationship, that we cared for each other and wanted each other to be happy. But things had changed and I wasn't sure exactly what or why. I did notice one thing though - sex had become sporadic. While we were no longer young lovers, screwing like rabbits, we did manage to have sex around two or three times a week. I began to realize that the frequency of our love making had dropped. I tried to think back to the last time we had made love and........ I couldn't remember. I concentrated........ jeez, what it really almost two weeks. I remembered making a couple of attempts, but was kindly rebuffed with "I'm tired, honey" or "I have my period." I began to realize that slowly, over the last couple of months, we had made love only a very few times. Okay, you know what I started to suspect. Remember, I had been through this once and I was sickened to think that it may be again happening. I decided to keep my eyes open and pray that I was totally and completely wrong. I needed to talk to Mary; if there was something bothering her I needed to know. It was after dinner, everything was cleaned and put away and I asked her to sit down in the living room. "Mary," I began. "We need to talk. I seem to sense that something's wrong, something's bothering you. You seem like you're a million miles away sometimes, and it seems to me that you've forgotten that I'm even around. I need to know what the problem is." I kept my voice soft and non accusatory. She sat and just stared at me. "What the hell are you talking about, Jerry? Are you getting paranoid in your old age? Are you accusing me of something? Why the hell don't you just get off my back." She then rose and stalked out of the room. I heard our bedroom door slam shut. I sat, a bit stunned. I certainly didn't expect that kind of reaction. Mary had never spoken to me with that tone or level of disrespect. My eyes widened - that was the word I was looking for. Disrespect, over the past few months I detected a level of disrespect, a slight contempt maybe? Perhaps a bit of condescension in her tone? Was I being paranoid? I didn't think so, I wasn't imagining things. Well, I wouldn't wait as I had done years ago - I would discover what the hell was going on. I slept in the guest suite that night. She came out of the bedroom the next morning red eyed and teary and totally apologetic. We made kissy kissy and vowed not to ever fight again. Yeah, yeah. I was conciliatory and sensitive as hell. Mary explained that the job had gotten a little stressful and they were struggling to keep a large client who was making noises about moving his business. I didn't believe one word of what she told me. Something was going on and I was going to find out what. It wasn't unusual for Mary to work late a night or two during the week and it wasn't terribly unusual for her to have to travel somewhere where should would stay a couple of nights. These trips were usually infrequent except for the last couple of months. Yeah, I was putting things together. Maybe I was adding two and two and getting five, but I wanted to either allay my suspicions or confirm them. I wanted to know, one way or the other. Charade Ch. 02 "Here we go again," I thought. I checked with some contacts and got the name of a reputable and discreet private investigation agency. I made an appointment and spoke with one of the owners. I explained what I needed and he understood. I'm sure that he heard thesame story a thousand times. I gave him what information he requested as well as a pretty hefty check. Let them take care of it. My relationship with Mary over the next few weeks was a little strained. We both recognized that a line had been crossed and we were careful around each other. No, no squabbling, no anger or even disagreements, but we were both a bit wary. Our routine didn't change. She didn't suddenly stop all travel or late nights. Things went along as they had been, more or less. I just bided my time, waiting for the information I needed, whatever it would be. I knew in my heart what the report would contain and I was right. Being right didn't make me feel wonderful, in fact I felt like shit. They gave me chapter and verse, no explicit pictures but shots of her meeting a guy at restaurants, kissing, holding hands, going into hotels and leaving a few hours later. I also discovered that she met him when away on her trips. His name was Howard Branch, 48 years old, divorced a few years ago, 6' 3" tall, medium build, blond hair, blue eyes. I was hurt and disappointed, but I was a little surprised that I wasn't devastated as I had been the first time around with my first wife. That though didn't make me feel any better. While I may not have loved Mary passionately, I was happy with her and I thought that she was also content. I was obviously wrong. I had spent some time in reflection: Was it me? Was there something about me that invited this kind of thing. I knew that infidelity was not a rare thing, but for this to smack me in the face twice in as many relationships, was a bit too much. I know, I asked myself if I had it in me to work this out with Mary. I knew what the answer would be - I just couldn't. I guess that I'm just not strong enough, not man enough. I could forgive a lot, but the pain, the humiliation of this kind of thing was something too much for me to handle. I guess that I never learned to share when in kindergarten. I spoke with my attorney; I thought that since Mary and I never really formalized our relationship legally, separating would be a snap. He soon let me know that despite the fact that we didn't marry formally, we, in effect, did live together as man and wife for quite awhile. He also let me know that if this went to the courts, it could be a very sticky legal mess. He suggested that I speak with Mary and see if we couldn't come to some sort of mutual agreement - it would save both of us a lot of grief. *************** It was on the following Friday. We had just finished a pizza for dinner and were sitting in the living room with the TV on. Neither of us were watching it. "How long have you been screwing him?" I asked softly. Mary look up, startled, and paled visibly. I saw her eyes fill with tears, which she blinked away rapidly. I could see her gather herself together. "I'm sorry, Jerry. I had hoped that you wouldn't find out." Her eyes filled again and the tears started to run over her cheeks. "How long, Mary? I know his name, Howard Branch. Do you love him?" I knew that this was hurting her, I didn't care. She had lowered her head and the tears continued. I had to strain to hear her. "About 8 months. He had recently moved to Tampa. I saw him at the mall." She looked up at me, her eyes glistening. "Jerry, he's my ex-husband, Stacy's father." It was like she had just shoved a knife into my chest. Stacy's father??? "FUCK NO. I'M STACY"S FATHER, YOU BITCH," I exploded. No one would take that away from me. She blanched and cowered. "That was stupid," she cried. "I know that you are, you are Stacy's father. I just meant that he is her biological father." I was relentless. "Answer my question, Mary." I had lowered my voice, trying to regain my calm. "Do you love him? Do you love him?" "I don't know," she wailed. "I just don't know. I don't know why I started up with him again. I knew it was a mistake, I knew that I would be sorry. I couldn't stop, Jerry. I couldn't say no to him. It was like it was when we first met and married. I knew he wasn't good for me, but I couldn't keep away from him." She was crying, gasping, trying to catch her breath. Her nose was running, she looked a mess. I rose and got her some tissues. I felt deflated, wrung out. Damn, I also felt sorry for her. My anger had dissipated, I knew that I held the losing cards. Mary was no longer Mary, she was someone else now, whether she knew it or not. I was right back where I had first started, on the shitty end of another relationship. I had had enough. Even though she was not the love of my life, I was hurt, hurt and disappointed in her. The lying, the cheating, the disrespect, all thoroughly disgusted me. I deserved more than that. Okay, okay, I was indulging in a little self-pity, so what. It wasn't fair, I guess not all things in life are fair. "I'm sleeping in the guest suite tonight, Mary," I said dully to her. "I would appreciate you moving out as soon as you can find a place of your own. We'll just tell people that we drifted apart and decided to move on." People like my mom ........ and, of course, Stacy. Shit, that wouldn't be easy. I got up and shuffled, like an old man, to the bedroom. I got up early the next morning and went to work. I tried to keep my mind off my personal trauma, trying to not let it interfere with my work. Yeah, like that was going to happen. When I returned home that evening, Mary was gone. She had packed most of her clothing and personal stuff. It was almost like she had never been there. Oh, yeah, she did leave something - a letter. Dearest Jerry: I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for the hurt I've caused you. You have done absolutely nothing to make me behave in such a shameful manner. As I tried to tell you last night, I don't understand why I can't break this attraction, this addiction, I have for Howard. I know that he will eventually destroy me. I have again vowed never to see him again, but I really don't know if I'm strong enough to keep that promise. You have never been anything but kind and loving. None of this is your fault. You are the sweetest, most compassionate man I've ever met, and, over the past years, I've come to love you. I know that we have, or had, an unspoken agreement about that, but you have to know that I love you. That makes what I've done to us even more horrible, more unthinkable. I will be gone by the time you are reading this. I will send for the rest of my things as soon as possible. I ask that you find it in your heart to someday forgive what I've done. I was not strong enough to stop my infidelity, my betrayal. Please don't hate me. I beg you, Jerry. Please don't hate me. All My Love, Mary I collapsed into an easy chair and let the letter flutter to the floor. I felt exhausted, totally wrung out. I knew that I would miss Mary, she had been a part of my life for so long, but in another sense, I was glad that she was gone. I think that at that time I really wanted to be alone. I didn't want the responsibility of another person in my life. I needed some solitude. I needed time to get my head on straight. Another thought then entered my consciousness, A job I needed to do. A task that I couldn't leave undone. Call it vindictiveness, call it revenge, who gives a shit what it's called. I wanted to do this not only for Mary, but for me also. She needed to start a new life without complications. I was going to see to it that she got that opportunity. I had his address and I knew that it wouldn't be difficult. I was going to take care of Mr. Howard Branch, one way or the other and I was going to do it tonight. I quickly changed clothes and was out of the door in under 10 minutes. It took about 45 minutes to get to where he lived, a part of town that was far from affluent. His apartment building looked a little seedy, a little run down. I knocked on his door and waited. The door opened and I got my first look at this asshole. He was a big fucker and it looked as if he didn't have much fat on him. I quickly put my hand on his chest and pushed, catching him off balance. He staggered back into the apartment and I entered and closed the door behind me. He regained his equilibrium and stared at me "I'm gonna tear your fuckin head off, you little shit," he yelled, coming at me clumsily. Five seconds later he was prone on the floor, moaning. I let him catch his breath and then I pulled him into a sitting position and began to explain the situation to him. "Listen very carefully to me, Howard. My name is Jerry Ford. My friend's name is Mary Black. Do you understand me so far?" I slapped him sharply. He nodded quickly. "Good," I continued. I'm going to show you what pain is like, Howard. I'm going to put you through quite a bit of pain tonight, but I won't leave too many marks on you. I don't want to mark you up." I then did just that. After about 20 minutes Mr. Howard Branch had thrown up twice and was pleading for me to stop. I walked into his little galley kitchen and got a glass of water which I threw in his face. I then filled the glass again and let him drink. I then bent down and turned his face to me. I made sure that he had his wits about him and I explained things to him. "Okay, Howard. This is what you're going to do. You're going to pack what shit you have and you're going to leave this area. By this area, I mean the southeast part of this country. I would strongly suggest that you try California, or Oregon or even Washington. Because if I find you here 24 hours from now I will make sure that you never get out of a wheelchair. I will make sure that you're crippled for life. That's just for starters, Howard. Do you fully understand what I'm telling you, Howard? Look into my eyes and tell me that you understand." He did that and nodded vigorously, or as vigorously as he was able. I left and drove home. I stripped and spent a half hour in the shower. I was sickened by what I had done. Shit, was I no better than that asshole? Intellectually, I rationalized, that my actions would be of tremendous benefit to Mary, she wouldn't have to contend with Branch anymore, but, deep down, I knew that the methods I used were animalistic and at least partly for me; a sort of revenge for fucking up my life again. I shook my head, the hell with it. I wasn't going to agonize over it. I did what had to be done and I would live with it. Mr. Howard Branch was gone the next day. Talking with my mom and then Stacy wasn't easy. They couldn't understand and I wouldn't go into detail. Stacy threatened to fly home, but both Mary and I were adamant and finally convinced her to stay at school. We would talk later. I suspected the Mary finally told Stacy what had happened. When I spoke with my daughter the next time she seemed subdued and sad. "I'll always love you, dad," she had said to me and filled my heart. ******************* So the days and weeks passed. I got on with my life, such as it was. I knew that I had to make a decision about the company, should I sell it or not? The prospective buyer was patient but wasn't going to wait forever. He had told me to take my time. "There's no rush," he emphasized, but he did give me a date, a date when I had to give him a decision. That date was fast approaching, I had a month. On the one hand, I wanted to sell, get rid of the responsibility. But on the other hand, it was the only thing that provided any purpose to my life. What would I do with myself if I sold? So I procrastinated. Finally, a week before the deadline, I called and cancelled the buyout. I would keep the company. Weeks turned into months and I became pensive as I realized that I was now over 49 years old and the half century mark wasn't far away. What did I have to show for the 50 years? Yeah, a successful company, a young lady who was my daughter in almost every sense of the word (Stacy called every week without fail) and a solitary existence. Did I miss Mary? Sure, but it became almost the same as missing Ben and Rachael. We had had good years together, but we moved on. The last I heard Mary was doing well at her job and dating. She would find someone. Did I mind being alone? Not really, I told myself, I guess I had gotten used to it. ******************** "Jerry," I heard Gail, my secretary, on the intercom. "You have a visitor." I was busy with the specs on a proposed job and was deeply involved. I was abrupt with her. "Damn it, Gail. I'm busy. Take care of it for me." She persisted. "Jerry, I think that you'll want to see him. It's Bernard Van Horn." and I could hear the laughter in her voice. Everyone here knew who Bernard Van Horn was. I froze for a long second and then jumped to my feet and rushed out of my door. There, standing by Gail's desk, tall and slim and white haired, looking much younger than his 70 some years, was Bernie Van Horn. I caught him in a bear hug, the lump in my throat preventing me from speaking right away. He hugged me back and patted me on the back. "Okay, Jerry. Let me breath," he laughed. I stepped back and just looked at him. Damn, we had kept in touch, but this was my first sight of him in what, 20 years or so? I quickly ushered him into my office and we sat in the small sitting area there. I still couldn't believe my eyes. We talked, bringing each other up to date. I knew that he had sold his company recently. He told me that he and Kate had moved to Naples, further down the west coast a few weeks ago. It was something that they had discussed for a few years, but never really acted on. On a whim, they had flown down a month ago and looked at some properties. They saw a home on the gulf, fell in love with it and bought it. That quick. Bernie asked about how my business was and what made me decide not to sell. I gave my reasons and he nodded his head in understanding. "Jerry, you know that you're going to have to come down and visit with us now that we're so close. Kate would really be pissed if you didn't" I assured him that I would and we reminisced some more. I talked about the early days, starting my company on a shoestring, barely making it before I got a couple of breaks. I saw a twinkle in his eyes and then the light bulb came on in my head. My God, what kind of idiot was I? I never suspected and I should have. It was Bernie, he gave my company the push it needed. I stumbled over my self in trying to express my gratitude. "Don't be silly, Jerry. All I did was call in a couple of favors. You took the ball and ran with it and everyone saw the excellence of your work. The success of your company was due to your talent and hard work. I really did very little." he said dismissively. There was a lull in our conversation and I saw him gazing at me expectantly. I knew what he was waiting for and it was time. Anyway, I really wanted to know, I was more than curious, but also afraid. I knew that by opening that can of worms I would be exposing myself to more possible heartache. "Bernie, how is Kimberly? Is she ok? Is she happy? I truly hope that she is well," I said quietly. I saw Bernie sit back and let out a soft breath. "I've been waiting a long time for you to ask, Jerry. Thank you, thank you for asking. Kate will be so happy that you did. Now about Kimberly." Bernie shifted in his chair, hesitated a bit, seemed to collect this thoughts and began. "It's been a long time since you left and a lot has happened to her." I steeled myself, knowing that her child was now grown, I expected to hear that she had married and had a family. For some reason, I just didn't want to hear that, I really didn't want to hear that. "Jerry," Bernie continued. "Kim lost the baby about a month after you left. She had a miscarriage. The doctors told her that she would not be able to conceive again. I don't remember the reason for that, I'm not sure I even understood it then. She had already resigned from her position with the publishing company. The divorce, the miscarriage and it's aftermath left her in a clinically depressed state. "No, No, not your fault, Jerry. Don't even begin to blame yourself. What happened to Kim was a mess of her own making and she fully realized that. Her stupidity (her word, not mine) literally destroyed her world. We really feared for her and it took months and months of therapy for her to finally come around. You know, in a sad and tragic way, what Kim allowed to happen changed her. She became more mature, more responsible, more....... ah, compassionate, if that's the word I'm searching for." I didn't know what to say. This was all new information. I was a bit shook about what Bernie had just passed on to me. There were emotions roiling inside of me, but I, at that time, couldn't even begin to identify them. But, one thing for sure, I began to realize that Kim still provoked emotions in me, just discussing her did that. Bernie shifted in his chair again. "When things settled down a bit and Kim seemed on her way to recovery, she came to us. She told us that she wanted to go back to school and study medicine. Damn, we were stunned and thought that this was another facet of her depression. She assured us that she had given this a lot of thought, investigated it thoroughly and really wanted to do this. To make a long story short, she enrolled in Penn's Medical School and became an M.D. She went on to specialize in Pediatric Oncology. She told us that she knew that she would never have children of her own and she wanted to be near them and be of some use to them." Bernie paused and kept his eyes on me. I literally didn't know what to say. Kim had absolutely adored her job as an editor. That was the first shock, that she had resigned. Perhaps her pregnancy caused that. Losing the baby must have been devastating for her, although I couldn't muster up any real sorrow about that, considering how she became pregnant. The rest of what Bernie had told me stunned me. That she could not have children, had become a physician and was a oncologist, a pediatric oncologist at that. Was this the actions of the Kim that I knew? It was hard to even begin to make heads or tails of all of this. "Do you want to know one of the reasons why we moved down here, Jerry?" Bernie asked. "Probably the biggest reason? We wanted to be near Kim, We wanted to be near our daughter." I looked at him blankly. "Huh? Near her? What......" I sounded like a real dimwit. I think that I was getting so much information that I became overloaded. "Kim is here?" I thought to myself. "Kim had accepted the position as Chief of Pediatric Oncology at the Cancer Center at the University here in Tampa. She's been on the job about a couple of months now." Bernie informed me. "Jerry, would you like to see her, say hello maybe. No, no, don't panic. She doesn't even know I'm here. She'd be really pissed if she knew that I had suggested that, but she does know that you're here in Tampa. Do you think that's what influenced her in accepting this position," he teased and I saw the twinkle in his eyes. "Jerry, all kidding aside. I'm pretty sure that she would have accepted the position either way because it's what she wanted, but knowing that you were here kind of gave her pause.. It's not that she didn't want to see you, it's rather that she didn't want to complicate your life with her presence." I just sat and shook my head. I had to process everything that Bernie was telling me. It was just too much, I had to sort it all out. Bernie saw my befuddlement and rose to his feet. "Okay, Jerry. I know that I just unloaded quite a bit on you. Mull it over, you know that I'll be in touch."