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Blood from a Turnip

By: cpete



"My God Vince I had more money working as a gofer on the wrestling circuit that summer after High School then I do now"

That was my brother Tommy. We were sitting at my kitchen table and going over his finances for the upteem time. Tommy had not fared well in the 2 years since his Divorce.

"OK Tommy" I tried to explain again "you pull in $52K a year after taxes. That is about $4K a month you bring home. Now gone first off the top is the $500 a month you pay in child support each for Tommy Jr and little Frank-after that you have $3K a month left"

"I do not have a problem with that "Tommy interrupted. "Anything for my sons."

This was true. Tommy's ex-wife Brandy had used every trick in the book to keep Tommy from his two boys. Brandy always had an excuse when it was Tommy's weekend with the boys. When Tommy was coaching their little league team, Brandy pulled the kids off the team-she claimed it was hurting their grades. When Tommy volunteered as a Lunch Room Monitor at his son's school Brandy called the owner at the company that Tommy and I worked at. Brady reported Tommy was skipping work and not clocking out. However old man Alverez who owned our company response was not only paying for Tommy's time but lent him the company van. Mr. Alverez made paid time assisting a school company policy. Heck even I got involved doing lunch room duties 3 times a week.

"Pay attention" I instructed Tommy "next up the $1K a month court ordered maintenance for Brandy-now you have $2K a month left."

"That is such BS" Tommy blurted out then slapping the table "Brandy had only 6 months left on her nursing degree when we married. Why do I have to pay her Alimony?"

"Maintenance"

"Excuse me MAINTENANCE. I worked my butt off so she could stay home with the boys. Why can't she get her f'ning degree and get a job! No -she screwed around on me and I gotta to pay the freight why she keeps screwing around"

"We went over this. The maintenance –or alimony payments -is only for 6 years. It is the courts way to let Brandy get skills needed to enter the tight job market. It is common when one spouse has not been in the work force for a while. You are 2 years into that maintenance with 4 years left"

Tommy leaned back in the chair "6 years-She could get another degree in less than 4 years. Besides she has not even gone to one class yet"

I tried to continue "Then you have the house payments- mortgage, taxes etc. That comes to another $1K a month. You have left about $1K in your monthly paycheck at this point"

"Great" Tommy said looking up "Brandy picks out some McMansion that I bust my hump for, then I gotta pay for that place and I sleep in my car"

"Tommy you do not sleep in your car, although seeing where your apartment is your car may be a better option. Brandy only gets to stay in the house until little Frank turns 18 then you can sell"

"Yea and she gets 50%. I pay for the house and she gets free rent and 50% of the profits. How is that fair?"

"The courts concern is a stable place for the children. That is why you were ordered to keep making the house payments. Brandy gets 50% of your future sale because she is expected to keep your house maintained while you make the mortgage, insurance, and tax payments."

"That is even more BS" my brother Tommy countered " Every time something needs to be done I get a call. I would tell Brandy to go to hell-but it is one of the few times I can see the boys without a battle"

"Tommy out of your last thousand dollars left you must pay health and dental insurance for Tommy Jr and Frank about $300 a month"

"Nothing is more important than my boy's health. But I got two beefs. Number 1-why do I have to pay Brandy's heath care"

"Because our company family plans cost is same for the two boys as with or without Brandy on it. Court Judge said you have to carry Brandy also for the same time period as the maintenance payment. Judge cited it was not any additional financial burden"

"Easy for him to say" Tommy replied" what burns me is Brandy uses that health insurance against me. Every time it is my weekend to get the boys they are always too sick. It takes me a month to get on the court docket and drag Brandy before the Judge. Brandy waves all these doctor bills-which I pay for by the way-as proof the boys were too sick to see me. Damn Vince it is nothing more than sniffles, sore throats, and skinned knees and such. The week I am to get the kids, if either one of them coughs Brandy rushes them to the doctor. The only weekends I get the boys is when they need something-new shoes, haircuts, school supplies-that kind of stuff. Where is my child support money going, and the half of my 401K Brandy got? How is that fair?"

"Tommy no one said the Justice were fair-just blind"

"So I am left with $600 a month or $150 a week. I should just quit and say screw it all"

Just then my wife Lisa walked in and put two grocery bags on the table.

"How did quitting work –work out for you last time?" Lisa piped in hearing the end of our conversation.

Tommy just looked down at the table. A year after the divorce and divorce terms, Tommy had quit his job and stopped making any of the court ordered payments. Too bad for Tommy our state had a stiff Deadbeat Dad law that allowed the state to lock up those behind on child support for 60 days up to a year at a time. Two months after Tommy's own personal strike he was thrown in county lock-up. Tommy lasted 12 days before he agreed to comply with the court orders. Good thing Tommy was such a great.tech, old man Alverez gave him his job back. Tommy was a natural techie and craftsman; he could fix anything, as well as do anything-drywall, lay concrete, home repair, whatever. Tommy really shined with complex electronic machinery. Even senior engineers came to Tommy when they were stuck-even though Tommy did not have a degree. Tommy getting his job back was fortunate as not only did Tommy have to make up two months payments, but court costs also.

"Well I had plenty of company in the joint" Tommy grumbled. "Lot of Turnips in lock-up"

Turnip was the term used for Fathers who could not pay child support or alimony-as in "Cannot get blood out of a Turnip." At any time up to 13% of the county inmate population was "Deadbeat Dads –or Turnips" It is form of Debtor's prison sentence handed out like contempt of court. But as it was a Civil penalty a man was not even entitled to a lawyer-Not that it would have done Tommy any good.

My two boys came running in after their mother Lisa and ran right to Tommy

"Uncle Tommy! Uncle Tommy!" my 8 and 10 year old shouted jumping all over Tommy "Did you bring Candy! Did you bring Candy! Where is Candy! Where is Candy?"

Tommy laughed and pointed at the sliding glass door leading to our backyard. On the other side of the glass a large Doberman dog was dancing on his hind legs in excitement and whining loudly on seeing the two boys.

Candy a 110 pound black and tan male Doberman pincher was a dog my brother had adopted after cops had rescued him from a fighting house. The dog was called Candy because it was used as cannon fodder for the Pit Bulls to chew on to get them ready for a match. Candy had survived –but with serious injuries and Tommy had convinced the veterinarian not to put Candy down. Tommy had traded the Vet labor on a new outdoor deck in return for Candy's surgery costs. Candy looked like hell with one chewed up ear and scars crisscrossing his body from muzzle to tail. However while Candy looked like hell and would follow Tommy thru the gates of hell-Candy adored my boys and Tommy's sons. Candy let the boys do anything to him and stuck to them like glue.

"Boys" Tommy said "do not feed Candy too much" as my boys raided the fridge for hot dogs and meat products to give to Candy. While Tommy may be the boys favorite and only Uncle-Candy was their favorite dog.

Lisa opened the sliding glass door for the boys to rush out. You could see she was hesitant "Vince you sure they are going to be OK?" Lisa was not a big fan of dogs. Candy still frightened her a little, and seeing Candy's scarred muzzle and big teeth so close to her children made Lisa uneasy.

Lisa was watching the boys with Candy and both Tommy and I looked at her. Lisa and I were opposites in more ways than one. At just under six foot with light features and blue eyes, Lisa still looked like the star volleyball player whose skills had gotten her a full college scholarship. Lisa had legs that went on forever and her gams would make any Las Vegas dancer jealous. While not vain, Lisa was proud of her legs and always wore outfits that showed off her leggy figure. She was small busted -barely an A cup, and while two births had filled out her hips a bit-Lisa still had the looks of her northern German ancestors and could turn heads at 38 years of age. Even after 12 years of marriage I could not get over her. Tommy and I resembled our Italian forefathers both of us standing no more than 5 foot 6inches with dark features found in southern Italy. While not a Greek god I did not frighten children either, coaching the boy's sport's team had kept my expanding waistline at bay-harder to do now that my 40th birthday had just passed. Lisa was stubborn as a mule and would not back down once she had taken a position. I was more laid back and felt life was too short to sweat the small stuff. We had long ago gotten used to the looks our Mutt and Jeff appearance made.

Tommy adored Lisa. It was Lisa who told Tommy when she found Brandy was cheating on Tommy. Lisa had strong beliefs and when Brandy refused to stop or tell Tommy -Lisa gave Brandy an ultimate. Brandy thought Lisa was bluffing. Lisa never bluffs and called Tommy right in front of Brandy. The divorce was nasty, but Tommy admired Lisa for what she had done and often told me that often.

______________________

"How much was it this time?" Lisa asked that evening while coming out of the bathroom rubbing lotion onto her hands.

"100 dollars" I replied "Tommy Jr and Frankie need new shoes"

Lisa got into bed wearing a nightgown I liked. "What is Tommy going to do?

Since the divorce my brother was always borrowing money for his kids. But Tommy was no freeloader, he always did something that exceeded the loan-I think he had remodeled half my house in the past two years

"Hang that ceiling fan in the porch you wanted and install the tankless hot water heater" I was a skilled accountant but could not nail two boards together. 

"Sounds like we got the better part of the deal on that one." Lisa then fluffed a pillow

"Tommy certainly did not get any deal with Brandy" I said sliding closer to Lisa.

The next statement from Lisa shocked me "Well it is not all Brandy's fault."

"Whoaaaa" I sat up "You want to tell me how Brandy cheating on my brother, and screwing him over is not her fault?"

Lisa wrinkled her brow before she spoke" Brandy was wrong to cheat. There is never any reason to cheat. But your brother overreacted"

"Overreacted!?"

"You know the courts almost always give custody to the mother. Thousands of studies show children are most always better off with their mothers. Say what you will about Brandy but she always was a good mother"

"Lisa studies also show children are better living as a family with a mother and father. How is Brandy breaking up the family with a divorce making Brandy a good mother?"

"Brandy did not file for divorce, Tommy did. Brandy didn't want a divorce" 

"Lisa you know the story as well as I do. Brandy was not even sorry. She refused to stop going out with guys and wanted Tommy to stand down until she got ready to come back"

"Is Tommy better off now? It was only 3 guys and one of them was only a blow job. Brandy told me she was almost done anyway and wanted to get back to Tommy"

"Well that should have made it all better for Tommy"

"Vince don't be so dramatic. It was only sex-and bad sex from what Brandy told me. Remember after Vince Junior's birth? I had complications and was sick to my stomach for almost every day for two months. I knew you had needs and gave you a free pass to get laid. I even scoped out some of the ladies at Tony's school to fill in"

"Lisa I love you but sometimes you drive me crazy. I remember that time. For one -your hormones were all over the place after Vince's Jr. birth so I did not take you seriously. Number two our wedding vows included forsaking all others, not to mention In sickness and in health. I take those vows seriously. You said there was no excuse for cheating-are you now saying there are times when cheating is OK? Because I do not"

"I still think cheating is never OK. But I understand a bit of what Brandy was feeling. Brandy felt she was getting old and was seen as nothing but a mother and Tommy's husband. I do not agree with her cheating –but understand why Brandy did it"

"Lisa I think my head is going to explode. How can you agree with Brandy cheating but believe it was wrong?"

"Well if Brandy had told Tommy it would not have been cheating. If Brandy had told Tommy how she was feeling maybe they could have worked something out. Then there would have been no cheating involved."

"Worked things out? Not cheating if you tell your partner? Lisa you cannot be serious. If Brandy wanted to play cowboy and schoolmarm or cheerleader and football star-Tommy would have been game. But sex with another guy-never gonna happen"

"Then Tommy made the choice and has to live with the consequences. Again you got to ask is Tommy better off now. Look at it logically-what Brandy did was wrong by not telling him-but it was already done. Nothing could change the past, no way to un-ring that bell. The decision Tommy had to make was dealing with his and his family future. Seriously is he doing better now than if he had let slide a couple of stupid meaningless sex sessions that did not threaten him in any way and only pumped up Brandy's self-esteem."

"OK Lisa what is the number of sex partners that Tommy should let slide? 3, 5, 10?"

"Now you are being silly Vince. It is different with women then with men. I saw a few grays last week and it really got me down. Ladies are always judged by their looks."

"What is the big deal?-You always look great. If a few gray hairs is bothering you then head off to your favorite salon and pick out the hair color of your choice"

"It is more than that. After a certain age women become invisible. No one looks at us, wants us, it is like we are not even there. It should not matter-but it does. I know men and women are getting more equal than in our parents days, but until a lady can walk around with a beer belly and a thinning hair yet think they are still sexy it is not going to change."

"So cheating and jumping on a strange dick is going to make you equal, make the marriage better? "

"It is not about the sex, and it isn't cheating if the other partner knows about it." Lisa reached down and fondled me. "You and I are great in bed and you know that. It is about that feeling of being admired, the thrill of for the first time. Something new, a different feeling, that adrenaline rush of being wanted, of deciding to go or not"

"Lisa you know that Tommy adored Brandy before the divorce and you know that the kids and I are your number one fan club and we adore you. But you are saying cheating will make..." I hesitated for a moment "-Lisa do you have something to tell me about the past?" I could feel my blood pressure rise up and my hard on go down.

Lisa shifted closer to me and her hands worked below to bring my penis back to life. "Vince I have never cheated on you and never will"

Lisa knew how to press my buttons and lowered her mouth to my penis. She cupped my balls as she sucked and my dick was at full attention now. After a few minutes of this heavenly feeling I maneuvered Lisa around so we were in a 69. In our first few years of marriage we called it a 68.5 due to our differences in height. Lisa loved to give and receive oral and I enjoyed eating her out. 

After a few minutes Lisa's movements were becoming more frantic and I could hardly hold back myself. Lisa pulled away from my dick and whipping around to impale herself on my manhood. I could feel her pussy spasm as her orgasm clenched me tight. That set me off over the edge and I spurted into her. Lisa came a 2nd time then rode me for a few minutes before coming down off her organism high and getting off me to cuddle.

I was rubbing her back and she was purring contently. Lisa whispered in my ear.

"Just think Tommy is missing all the good times with Brandy like we have all because of some stupid dates in the past he cannot do anything about" 

"Lisa you are freaking me out" I rolled over to go to sleep "Brandy is squeezing Tommy so much for money he is going to lose it soon. You can't get blood out of a stone-or Turnip" and I turned off the light-

------------------------------------------

Three weeks later I was pulling into my driveway late one evening and I saw two cars parked by my curb. Standing around the late model cars were some guys and few girls from the University judging by their dress. I walked into the house to see a large young man sitting on my couch watching TV and drinking one of my beers.

"Can I help you son" I asked the giant. He was as tall as me and he was sitting down, his arms were almost as large as my legs

"No I'm cool "said the giant "you must be Lisa's old man. Dude you are lucky to have a MILF like that every night." He put down the beer " I'm gonna be her date tonight"

I set down my briefcase "Did you just say -You are Lisa's date tonight 

"Ya man. That Lisa is one hot cougar, but she really made me jump thru the hoops for this date. On line interview, medical test, two meetings at the mall that were like a damn job interview. I was skying when she picked me. Dude I hope it is worth it." He rubbed a hand over his crotch "Tell me man she's good-right?"

"Well Good is not a word I would use. Excuse me" I then took off upstairs taking the steps two at a time. I caught Lisa in the bedroom putting on her make-up. Lisa was dressed in painted on jeans, CFM s heels and a tight shirt.

"Lisa what is the jolly green giant doing in our living room? And what is this nonsense about a date?"

Lisa did not even look away from the mirror as she was putting on her lipstick.

"His name is Randy, he is on the University wrestling team and majoring in Communications" Lisa then turned toward me. "I am sorry you got home late from work tonight -I wanted to get this out of the way before Randy came over. But I gotta rush so I will give you the quick version. Sit down for a second" Lisa patted on the bed and I sat down on our flowered comforter.

"Vince I am not getting any younger and I have been a good wife to you for over 12 years and mother to our children for over a decade. I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that. It has nothing to do with you or the kids."

"So you are going to pull a Brandy?" I could hardly speak my heart was pounding thru my chest . 

"NO -what Brandy did was wrong. This is not cheating because I am being very open about what is going on. We talked about this last month. "

"Lisa you are splitting hairs -this is wrong and cheating no matter what you say. I am asking-no telling you as your husband of 12 years and father of your children to stop this nonsense. I think you need a medical work-up. This not you" My face was flush and I was starting to sweat.

Lisa finally turned to look at me. "Well it is too late now-Randy is already here"

"Lisa it is not too late until you walk out that front door. I will take care of Randy" with that I left the bedroom and bounded down the stairs, my heart still going a million miles a minute.

"Randy" I said and the guy stood up. Randy towered above me. "There has been a misunderstanding. Lisa will not be going out with you "


Blood from a Turnip: Her Side



Thanks for the comments-both good and bad on the story "Blood from a Turnip". I had number of email requests for:

A) A companion piece from the wife character Lisa POV. 

B) More descriptive sex scenes.

C) To stop writing such crap and never submit anything ever again (guess you cannot please everyone).

For those who wanted the A & B here it is my attempt at Lisa's POV...

++++++++

I moved my tongue around his shaft as I bobbed my head up and down slowly using my one hand to jack his base. From his moans and movement he was really enjoying my ministrations.

"Oh yeah! Work that tongue! That feels great!" He grabbed my hair with his hands and tried to force me down deeper on his prick.

I had not deep throated a dick this long since college, but like riding a bike you never forget. I relaxed my throat muscles and tried not to gag as I moved down deeper onto his prick.

"That's it baby! All the way down" He pushed up with his hips trying to drive the last inch into my throat.

My eyes started to water up a bit, but I released my grip from the base of his penis and felt my nose bury into his pubic bone. He was all the way in my gullet now. I held him there for a moment, and then pulled back both to increase his pleasure and draw a breath on the outward stroke.

"Damn this cougar is good!" He exclaimed "I ain't ever had a chick deep throat me this way before."

We got into a rhythm with him thrusting his hips up and pushing my head down into his lap. I would swirl my tongue around his dick on both the upstroke and down stroke as it pistoned in and out of my throat. The trick was to time my breathing and gag reflexes to get some air into my lungs between strokes. It was tough to do crammed into the backseat of the car. There was not much room and my head and body were at an awkward angle. Neither he nor I were short people, so there was not a lot of room to maneuver.

"Hey is that MILF going to do me next?" came a voice from the driver into the backseat.

I couldn't answer because my mouth was full. But I heard the other head not in my mouth reply "Hell I don't know-just pay attention to the road until I get my rocks off. I want to enjoy my ride and not worry about getting my dick bit off because you crashed playing peeping tom and not driving"

If you are wondering how a married middle aged mother of two and faithful wife ended up giving a blowjob in the backseat of car you might want to read the story "Blood from a Turnip". My Ex-husband Vince got most of the basic facts rights, but a lot of the problems were based on miscommunication, added with some medical issues on my part. Now I am not saying that what happened was my husband Vince's fault-but a lot of it would have been avoided. Like most things that go wrong in life-hindsight is always 20/20 and we all wish we could have gone back in time and done things differently. I needed a time machine for a month before the date I ended up in that back seat.......

++++++++

Three weeks earlier Vince and I were in bed. Tommy, who is my husband Vince's brother, had just been over that evening to borrow some money to buy his kids some new shoes. Tommy had got the short end of the stick in his divorce with Brandy. His Ex-wife was really doing a number on him-squeezing him dry with money and putting up roadblocks every chance she had to prevent him seeing his sons. Vince was always in a sour mood after talking to Tommy about his ex-wife. I was pleased when Vince told me Tommy was going to hang the ceiling fan and install the tankless hot water heater. My husband was many things-but a handy man was not one of them.

"Sounds like we got the better part of the deal on that one." I fluffed up a pillow.

"Tommy certainly did not get any deal with Brandy." Vince said sliding closer to me.

I think the next statement I made started the whole mess. "Well it is not all Brandy's fault."

"Whoaaaa" Vince sat up. "You want to tell me how Brandy cheating on my brother, and screwing him over is not her fault?"

I thought a second before speaking. I had to explain this in a way that Vince would understand. "Brandy was wrong to cheat. There is never any reason to cheat. But your brother overreacted."

I was brought up in a very disciplined household. Everything was black and white. We were taught to be principled. I felt cheating was wrong. It was me who discovered and confronted Brandy --Tommy's wife about her cheating. When Brandy refused to stop or tell Tommy -I told Tommy. There was no hesitation, I just pulled out my cell phone and called Tommy right in front of Brandy. However I still think Tommy went too far after he found out.

"Overreacted!?" Vince was not agreeing with me.

I would need to explain this in better detail. So I said "You know the courts almost always give custody to the mother. Thousands of studies show children are most always better off with their mothers. Say what you will about Brandy but she always was a good mother." 

I thought that would get Vince to see that being a good mother was one thing and the time to yourself as a woman was another thing altogether. The two were not related in my mind-completely different compartments. 

"Lisa studies also show children are better living as a family with a mother and father. How is Brandy breaking up the family with a divorce making Brandy a good mother?"

I was glad Vince had brought up the divorce; this would prove my side of the discussion. "Brandy did not file for divorce, Tommy did. Brandy didn't want a divorce." 

I do not know what Vince was thinking because he missed the divorce angle completely. 

"Lisa you know the stories as well as I do. Brandy was not even sorry. She refused to stop going out with guys and wanted Tommy to stand down until she got ready to come back."

How could the man I love so much be so dense sometimes? "Is Tommy better off now? It was only 3 guys. One of them was only a blow job. Brandy told me she was almost done anyway and wanted to get back to Tommy."

"Well that should have made it all better for Tommy."

He was getting sarcastic now. Vince always did that when he did not have anything to back up his statements. I tried to calm him down. 

"Vince don't be so dramatic. It was only sex-and bad sex from what Brandy told me. Remember after Vince Junior's birth? I had complications and was sick to my stomach for almost every day for two months. I knew you had needs and gave you a free pass to get laid. I even scoped out some of the ladies at Tony's school to fill in." 

That should settle the issue I though. Vince knew I loved him so much I would do anything to see him happy. Not with just words-but deeds.

"Lisa I love you but sometimes you drive me crazy. I remember that time. For one -your hormones were all over the place after Vince's Jr. birth so I did not take you seriously. Number two our wedding vows included forsaking all others, not to mention In sickness and in health. I take those vows seriously. You said there was no excuse for cheating-are you now saying there are times when cheating is OK? Because I do not."

I could not believe Vince was trying to put words in my mouth, he knew how I felt about cheating-had I not proved it with Brandy and Tommy? I figured I better reassure him. 

"I still think cheating is never OK." I tried to find a way that Vince could comprehend-maybe make it more personal with my own experiences. "I understand a bit of what Brandy was feeling. Brandy felt she was getting old and was seen as nothing but a mother and Tommy's husband. I do not agree with her cheating --but understand why Brandy did it." Surely Vince could see things from a female point of view-if only for few seconds of this conversation.

"Lisa I think my head is going to explode. How can you agree with Brandy cheating but believe it was wrong?"

My God Vince still didn't get it! I was going to have to spell it out to him like one of our grade school children-men are so dense sometimes! 

"Well if Brandy had told Tommy it would not have been cheating. If Brandy had told Tommy how she was feeling maybe they could have worked something out. Then there would have been no cheating involved."

"Worked things out? Not cheating if you tell your partner? Lisa you cannot be serious. If Brandy wanted to play cowboy and schoolmarm or cheerleader and football star-Tommy would have been game. But sex with another guy-never gonna happen."

Finally Vince was beginning to understand. He never said anything about it being wrong if WE told our partner-only about his brother Tommy thinking it was wrong. Vince did not come right out and say YES-but he did not say NO. Still I better make sure we were on the same page --maybe convince him that Tommy was wrong in his thinking also. 

"Tommy made the choice and has to live with the consequences. Again you got to ask is Tommy better off now. Look at it logically-what Brandy did was wrong by not telling him-but it was already done. Nothing could change the past, no way to un-ring that bell. The decision Tommy had to make was dealing with his and his family future. Seriously is he doing better now than if he had let slide a couple of stupid meaningless sex sessions that did not threaten him in any way and only pumped up Brandy's self-esteem." 

"OK Lisa what is the number of sex partners that Tommy should let slide? 3, 5, 10?"

Typical male response-everything revolves around their penis. I had to get his head out of his crotch.

"Now you are being silly Vince. It is different with women then with men. I saw a few grays last week and it really got me down. Ladies are always judged by their looks." I figured if he knew how I was feeling Vince would get the picture.

"Lisa, what is the big deal?-You always look great. If a few gray hairs is bothering you then head off to your favorite salon and pick out the hair color of your choice."

There it was! Now Vince and I seemed to be reading from the same book-at least he was trying to see it from a female perspective. If Vince was OK with me going to a saloon to feel better about myself, he would be OK with other things that would make me feel better about myself. I just needed him to comprehend the idea a bit more.

"It is more than that. After a certain age women become invisible. No one looks at us, wants us, it is like we are not even there. It should not matter-but it does. I know men and women are getting more equal than in our parents days, but until a lady can walk around with a beer belly and a thinning hair yet think they are still sexy it is not going to change."

"So cheating and jumping on a strange dick is going to make you equal, make the marriage better? "

Oh no -now Vince was back to the my pee-pee is bigger than your pee-pee. Don't men ever grow up? It's like they never leave the high school locker room. I knew I could get him to see the bigger picture-the relationship that was so important. The keeping each other happy. 

"Vince It is not about the sex, and it isn't cheating if the other partner knows about it." I reached down and fondled him. "You and I are great in bed and you know that." I had to get his brain to understand sex was just a means to an end. The end being that good feeling -that high. Whether from your partner, or someone else.

"Listen Vince -It is about that feeling of being admired, the thrill of for the first time. Something new, a different feeling, that adrenaline rush of being wanted, of deciding to go or not"

"Lisa you know that Tommy adored Brandy before the divorce and you know that the kids and I are your number one fan club and we adore you. But you are saying cheating will make..." Vince hesitated for a moment "-Lisa do you have something to tell me about the past?" 

I felt Vince's hard on deflate. Then it hit me! Vince thinks I cheated on Him! He thinks I went out with someone else and never told him-well that would be cheating. I better get this solved quickly and put an end to that type of thinking now!

I shifted closer to Vince and worked below to bring his penis back to life. "Vince I have never cheated on you and never will"

I knew how to press his buttons and lowered my mouth to his penis. Gently cupping the balls I sucked slowly to get the dick was to full attention. After a few minutes of this Vince maneuvered me around so we were in a 69. In our first few years of marriage we called it a 68.5 due to our differences in height. I loved to give and receive oral and I enjoyed whenever he went down on me-because Vince was good at it! 

After a few minutes I was getting real aroused and I felt Vince was about to come. I wanted him to come inside me so I and moved around to impale myself on his manhood. I could feel my orgasm start and it clenched me onto Vince tight. That set him off over the edge and I could feel him spurt. This triggered me a 2nd time. I rode him for a few minutes before coming down off my orgasm high and cuddling next to Vince.

Vince was rubbing my back and I felt like a kitten- purring contently.

I wanted Vince to know how lucky we were, so whispered in my hubby's ear.

"Just think Tommy is missing all the good times with Brandy like we have all because of some stupid dates in the past he cannot do anything about."I was so glad we had this conversation.

Vince was acting strange and said "Lisa you are freaking me out." he rolled over away from me. "Brandy is squeezing Tommy so much for money he is going to lose it soon. You can't get blood out of a stone-or Turnip." and he turned off the light.

I lay awake in bed and thought how lucky I was to have married Vince and not Tommy. The entire conversation Vince has talked about how Tommy thought Brandy needing some time to herself was cheating and how his brother would not tolerate it -even if Tommy was told before-hand that Brandy needed some time to herself. Vince never once said HE would object -only about Tommy. I knew this meant Vince loved me enough to give me the space to do the things to I needed to feel good. The whole discussion Vince had never said "No"-that could only mean "Yes". I moved closer and put my arms around my snoring husband.

++++++++++

It was both easy and hard to find what I wanted. A website with people from local University was easy to find. Yet culling out the candidates was hard. Most responses to my ad were crude and some just too cheesy and phony. Over two weeks and I got the number to a manageable level and started doing online chats and narrowed it down to four guys for a face to face at the food court in the local mall. That eliminated it down to just two guys. In the second round of interviews one of the contenders-Randy had something that clinched the deal.

"Hi Mrs. F." Randy said. He was a Communications major and on a wrestling scholarship. He was a large kid and had trouble sitting in the small booth at the mall food court. "I know you said your old man is OK with this but I got something that may help you out."

"What would that be Randy?" I had on casual clothes and a scarf over my head with big sunglasses. I felt like a modern day Mata Hari.

"Well see that chick over there" Randy pointed to a girl across the court, who waved at us. "Well she really likes older dudes. I thought maybe we could set your old man up with her. You know give him something to keep him busy."

"Are you pimping your girlfriend out Randy?" I lowered my glasses to look at the girl. She was a bit on the chubby side, but cute with long dark brown hair and a large set of breasts.

"No Mrs. F." Randy stuttered. "Amy and me are just friends. Friends with benefits-but just friends. She has kind of got "Daddy issues" and worked her way thru most of the facility. Amy is OK with this-swear to god." 

This might work I thought. I was tall almost 6 feet, blond, slender, with just over an A cup. I had long legs I was proud of and, loved to showcase them, dressing to highlight my gams any chance I could .Amy was the complete opposite -small, dark haired, curvy, and big chested. They say men get tired of the same thing. Maybe I could treat Vince to Amy as a gift for being so understanding and letting me do this. Of course Randy was completely opposite of Vince. Where Vince was short and dark, Randy was well over 6 foot and had almost white blond hair. I had been down with the "blues" the past few days, but now felt my excitement start to grow.

"Deal." I said and slid some papers across the table at him. "These are forms for a medical exam to make sure you don't have any STDs. Go to this clinic, I have the form number and can see the results on line. You wear a condom no matter what and pick me up at 9:30 sharp day after tomorrow. Got it?"

"Um yea." Randy replied. "But if I'm getting a medical exam-why do I have to wear a condom?"

"Because I do not know what kind of "benefits" you and your friend there." I pointed at Amy who was eating a burger. "are going to have after you take the test. These terms are non-negotiable. We clear?"

"Sure." 

Standing up, I took out a small index card and handed it to Randy. "This is my address and cell phone number." I pulled his head to mine and gave him a passionate kiss with just a bit of tongue. "Don't get lost and don't be late."

I licked my lips at him, turned around and walked out.

++++++++

It was Friday night and things were going to hell. At first I was giddy as a schoolgirl and could not wait to tell Vince. But last night his car had broken down and he had come home in a foul mood, so I didn't want to say anything. This evening the kids had been a pain to put down, and now tonight of all nights Vince was going to be late coming home. Plus Randy had arrived early with another carful of some guys and girls. 

"Well at least he is anxious as I am." I thought. I got Randy settled downstairs with a beer and some sports program on the TV.

"Damnit Vince." I muttered to myself rushing to get dressed. "Why did you have to work late tonight of all nights" I slipped on a new set of sexy lace bra and panties. I did not know if anything was going to happen tonight-but I wanted to look good if I decided to make things happen.

I heard Vince's car pull into the driveway. I had to inhale to fit into my pair of "skinny jeans". After a few minutes Vince came bounding up the stairs as I was putting on my lipstick.

"Lisa what is the jolly green giant doing in our living room? And what is this nonsense about a date?"

I wish I had more time but Vince was laid back and he would understand the hurry. 

"His name is Randy, he is on the University wrestling team and majoring in Communications." 

I then turned toward Vince. "I am sorry you got home late from work tonight -I wanted to get this out of the way before Randy came over. But I gotta rush so I will give you the quick version. Sit down for a second." 

I patted on the bed. Vince obeyed sitting down on our flowered comforter. I thought "this is going well."

We had already talked last month about how I felt, and what I needed-Vince had pretty much given me the OK. So I knew I could just give Vince a brief outline about my feelings right now.

"Vince I am not getting any younger. I have been a good wife to you for over 12 years, and mother to our children for over a decade. I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that." 

I felt bad putting that guilt trip on Vince, so I added. "It has nothing to do with you or the kids."

"So you are going to pull a Brandy?" Vince's face was all white like the blood had been drained out. 

Brandy? Why the heck was he talking about Brandy?-this was completely different. I was nothing like Brandy! I had to make sure he knew this. 

"NO --Vince what Brandy did was wrong. This is not cheating because I am being very open about what is going on. We talked about this last month. "




Blood from a Turnip: Her Side



Vince did not look too well. He spat out. "Lisa you are splitting hairs -this is wrong and cheating no matter what you say. I am asking-no telling you as your husband of 12 years and father of your children to stop this nonsense. I think you need a medical Work up. This is not you!"

Was Vince changing his mind at the last second? He couldn't do that! Maybe he was just getting cold feet. I remembered I was a bit nervous when I offered to get Vince a partner when my C section had put me out of commission in the bedroom. I just needed to hold firm, to be strong for him. I turned away from the mirror and gave Vince my full attention.

"Well it is too late now-Randy is already here."

Vince did not take that like I expected. "Lisa it is not too late until you walk out that front door. I will take care of Randy." with that he left the bedroom and headed down the stairs.

I grabbed my make-up and hurried after Vince before he did something stupid. As I walked down the stairs Vince and Randy were standing chest to chest (well chest to waist as Randy had a good foot on Vince). They looked like two male gorillas in a nature film about to start beating their chests with their fists. 

"Vince! Stop that right now. Randy would you please wait in your car. I will be right out."

Randy waited a second but walked out the door. "Later man."

What in God's name had come over Vince? He was acting like a little child not wanting to share his toys. I tried to stay calm. No use us both getting agitated.

"Now Vince I am sorry you are upset, and I see this is not going as planned." I took a deep breath "We talked about this. I thought you would be more understanding." 

Well if he was going to act like a child maybe I could pacify him with a bribe. I knew what always put a smile on Vince's face. I held up a finger and pointed at him. 

"How is this-if you are still up when I get home I will give you a bedroom session you will not forget. You can even do my ass --I know you like that."

I gave Vince a sexy leer, turned and wiggled my rear at him-he never turned down a chance to butt fuck me.

"Sloppy seconds-no thank you" he muttered. I gasped. Vince had never put me down or insulted me like that.

"Lisa what have I ever done or said that would make you think I would be alright with this? " His voice was tight and I could see he was pissed. I had never seen Vince this upset. It was not in my nature but I knew I had to make a compromise. Vince had better appreciate it!

"Fine." I threw up my hands. "Vince you win. -Let me go out this one time and you will see it changes nothing. But if after I return from this date and tomorrow you are still upset- I won't go out again until we talk about it some more." That was as far as I was willing to go.

Vince did not budge. He walked in front of the door. "Lisa this is my offer. You stop this BS. Go back upstairs and we will see a doctor and therapist first thing tomorrow morning. But you walk out that door - we will be done. Over. History. Your choice- your children and I.." he pointed out the door. "..Or that."

This had gotten out of hand. If Vince would not respond to a carrot then I would use a stick. Vince knew I never bluffed.

"Oh do not be so dramatic." I picked up my purse. "You love me and the kids too much. I also know you do not want to live like your brother." I checked myself out in the hall mirror. 

Maybe I was going a little too far with that threat. I would throw him a bone. 

"Besides Vince-I do not even know if anything is going happen tonight. Even if it does -Randy is clean --but I will make him wear a condom regardless-there are you happy now?" I thought that last part would let Vince save some face.

Vince was not buying it-What had gotten into him? "No Lisa, I am not happy now by any stretch, and you will not be in the future if you leave out the door. But Lisa you are partly right. I do love my kids, and I will not live like my brother. But you walk out that door and my love for you goes out the door too."

There was no talking to Vince and now I was starting to lose my cool. I walked past him and opened the door. I shouldn't have but I said. 

"You know Randy told me he had a cute coed he knows that has "Daddy issues" and I was going to hook you up with her. But if you are going to be this way --forget it." I took a step out the door "The kids are in bed and what is left of dinner is in the microwave. You have my cell if there is an emergency." 

I shouldn't have spoiled my surprise gift of Amy-but Vince got me mad and now I was in a bad mood to start the evening-Damn him. I walked out before we both did something stupid.

++++++++

We ended up at some old house for a party. At first it was fun, all the young people, their energy, fevor, and enthusiasm was refreshing and catching. Amy the girl with "Daddy issues" was hanging around me chattering like a magpie and pumping me with questions about Vince. She filling me in on the Rave we were going to later. Even though I had a score of years on most of these kids they treated me nice and I was actually having a good time. Randy kept his hand on my ass most of the night and we even did a little make out session when he caught me coming out of the bathroom. I let him maul my tits for a while before another couple come by. I declined Randy's offer to check out one of the bedroom or see the backseat of his car. I didn't encourage him-but didn't turn him down either when he said we would save it for the Rave.

The Rave was held in a big empty warehouse on the outskirts of town. At the beginning the loud music lights and atmosphere were exciting. It was different dancing with Randy, he was taller than me and I had not looked "up" at a dance partner since Vince and I got married. However after a few dances my head was throbbing because of the beat and the smoke was tearing up my eyes. I escaped to an outside door where there was fresh air and a bit less noise. I now had a bad headache. A bunch of others kids around me were smoking and some couples had paired up in the darkness. I truly was feeling tired and out of place.

"Hey baby." I felt Randy's come up behind me and start nibbling on my ear. His big hands circled my waist and rose up under my shirt to cup my small breasts. He moved one hand under my bra and started to tweak my nipple.

"Ouch!" I said spinning around "That hurt. Careful big boy-you are not tuning in a radio station."

Randy grinned and pulled me to him mashing his lips on mine while jamming his tongue into my mouth with the taste of cheap beer and pot smoke. He was about as gentle as a bikini wax. At the same time Randy shoved his hand inside the back of my jeans trying to grab my ass. There was only room for one in my "skinny jeans" and the buttons popped off the front of my pants.

"Damnit Randy! Give me a second." This was not exactly how I had envisioned my big night.

"No problem babe." Randy pulled me deeper into the shadows and continued his tongue assault. He moved down my body lifting my shirt and bra to lick my nipples. His hands crept down the front of my pants and started to push into my vagina. He never got inside my panties so instead of being wet and pleasurable I was bone dry. Randy was stroking me crudely-felt like sand paper being rubbed over my cunt. It was as thrilling as an obgyn exam-and did nothing to turn me on, in fact my headache got worse.

"Ow!" I yelped again when he chewed on one of my nipples.

"Sorry Babe." Randy undid his zipper and pushed my hand inside the fly. "Come on Lisa, let's fuck-I'm ready."

At this point I would have done anything to end this nightmare. "You got the condoms Randy?"

"Shit man, I left the rubbers in the car!"

"No Glove, No Love." I told him while I stroked his shaft.

"Damn! Damn! Damn!" Randy repeated. He dropped his jeans around his knees. "Just give me a blow job then." 

"You must wear protection! That's the deal and you know it."

"You some kind of MILF tease!" he growled. 

I saw the lust and anger reflected in Randy's eyes and figured I better care of things before they got out of hand (so to speak). 

"I'm no tease stud. Here I bet can make you feel better." With that I put both his hands back on my breasts and started to jack him off. I had not touched another man since Vince and I married. Randy was a bit bigger then Vince as you would expect given their height and weight differences. But Randy was only an inch or so longer then Vince and not much bigger around.

"Oh Yea stroke that rod." Randy had his head back and eyes closed as he gyrated back and forth into my hands. 

"Come on stud-come for me, come on do it for me." I encouraged him --all the while moving my hand up and down his cock. To me it was like shucking an ear of corn. I stifled a yawn and really wished I had stayed home. I tried to keep a smile off my face-well at least Vince and I will have a good laugh about this someday. 

I felt Randy tense up and his dick seems to expand a little. I knew he was getting ready to shoot --so I made sure to point him away so I did not get any spunk on my clothes.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Randy groaned as he started to cum. He knocked off three or four spurts before his body started to relax. I pumped him a few times more. But despite my best efforts, I got some sperm on my hand. He bent down to give me a big sloppy kiss saying "Baby that was great, you did great!"

"Sure." I thought as I returned his kiss while wiping my cum covered hand on the back of his shirt.

++++++++

It took a while but we finally rounded up all of Randy's friends and headed home. I was in the back seat of Randy's late model car. A friend Troy was driving, with Amy in the front seat. Randy and I were engaged in a passionate make out session-at least on his part. I could've cared less, and kept looking at my watch. To keep his hands busy I let Randy mangle my breasts. I would be home soon anyway, and my disaster night out would be a bad memory. The only saving grace is I now knew what I didn't want-any more date nights out. Vince would sure be happy about that.

Oh shit Vince! He was pretty upset when I left. I needed some way to get him to listen to reason, get him back in the fold. Convince him nothing went on. He might be a little pissed off about some kissing and the hand job. Oh well-a few days of his favorite meals combined with morning blow jobs and a few nights of butt fucking would mellow him out. But would he believe me? I needed something more...a witness.

"Randy baby." I pushed him off of me.

"What Lisa." He still had his hand under my bra and was rubbing my nipple.

"I need you to do me a favor." I put my hand over his hand to stop him squeezing my tit. My nipples were getting sore. "I need you to come to my door with me and confirm to Vince we didn't screw, have sex, -understand? Let him know no sexual intercourse took place."

"Well that is true enough." Randy laughed. "It wasn't for lack of trying on my part. But what do I get out of the deal?" He had that look of lust in his eyes again.

"You angling for another hand job?" I said sliding my fingers over his crotch.

"Naw-did that." Randy said "Amy toss me those rubbers in the glove box."

Amy got a package and turned around handing them to Randy. "Hey Randy you going to pork her right there in the back seat?" Amy asked.

"Don't see why not. It's not like she is a virgin or anything" replied Randy as he was pulling down his pants and fumbling to fit a condom on. "Come on MILF...I mean Lisa-let's get those panties off you, and get me some of that pretty pussy you been teasing me with all night."

"NO deal." I said, my mind was racing for a solution. "If I have sex with you now, it defeats the whole purpose. We cannot just lie to Vince." 

"Then how about you let me drill that sexy ass of yours instead?" Randy offered. "I'll just butt fuck you. This way we can both truthfully say I didn't have your pussy." He grabbed the front of my jeans and started to yank.

Amy chimed in from the front seat. "That's a good plan! I love it in the ass. Randy really knows how to work it. You won't be disappointed."

Why are all men so anxious to dip their wick in shit? I was not a big fan of backdoor action, but would have tolerated an ass pounding-if that's what it took, but I knew in my mind that anal counted as sex, so a butt fuck was out. 

Randy was still pulling down on my jeans. I swatted at his hands and tried to moved away. Tough to do in the cramped confines of a back seat. I had to find a way out of this, a real puzzle. Get this horny dog some relief so Randy would talk to Vince with me-yet still keep my principles. 

"How's this." I countered "No fucking-my ass or pussy-but I'll suck you off. That way it's not really sex."

Randy thought for a minute and said "MILF you sure got a bunch of whacked out rules-but OK." he started to take off his condom. "If you, that old President dude and fat intern say blowjobs ain't sex, that is good enough for me." 

"The condom stays on." I insisted.

"A covered blowjob!" whined Randy. "No way."

"Take it or leave it."

"Fine --but it better be worth it-so make it good." Randy reached across the seat and pulled my head into his lap. 

+++++++++++++

And that is how I ended up trying to get Randy to ejaculate before his car pulled into my driveway. Problem was, Randy was being difficult and trying to make it last as long as possible.

I was running out of time so I cupped his balls and started to rub his gonads.

"Dudeman this MILF is hot!" Randy moaned. "She has got my stick down to the base and is rubbing my balls-I never want this to end."

Amy must have been staring the whole time because she was giving a running commentary to Troy who was driving.

"Troy that lady has got Randy all the way down her throat and she ain't missing a stroke. It looks like what they do in the porn flicks!"

"Great." I thought I got some bimbo moron giving a blow by blow description. Time to pull out an old trick, get this over with now. 

I snaked my hand under Randy's butt and between his cheeks. I found his hole and jammed my middle finger up his ass.

Randy jumped so high his head hit the headliner of the car. I felt the condom expand as he shot off like a rocket. I squeezed his balls gently to drain the last of his semen and pulled my mouth off his cock as it slowly deflated.

Amy gave me a handi-wipe that I used to dry my watery eyes and clean off my middle finger.

"MILF lady..I mean Lisa." Randy gasped sitting back in the seat. "That was awesome! Just the fucking best!"

"Hey Randy." Amy exclaimed from the front seat. "You saying she is better than me?"

Randy paused to take a breath. "Amy you got the best ass in town, but if it came down to getting a blow job like that, or fucking your tight behind.. well man that would be a tough call."

Amy didn't seem too insulted and turned to me. "Lisa, do ladies your age like it up the ass?"

I took a minute to compose myself. "Amy -ladies my age take that little secret with us to the grave."

++++++++

Randy and Troy were following me up the front steps. Troy was complaining about not getting a blow job like Randy. But Randy told him to shut up. We had left the rest of Randy's friends in the other car. They were anxious to leave and hit an all-night party at some frat house.

I was glad to see the lights on in the porch, hallway and kitchen, Vince must still be up. I would not need to wake him.

"Lisa your old man is not going to come out with a nine and bust a cap in my ass?"

"What?"

Troy translated. "Your husband doesn't have a gun does he? He is not going to come out here shooting like some Dirty Harry movie?"

I chuckled. "No Vince is too laid back for that. I made him get rid of all the firearms when our kids started walking. He still has an old shotgun of his Dads-but I do not even think it works."

The door was locked, as I started to insert my key a female metro police officer opened the door and stepped outside onto the porch.

"Are you Lisa husband of Vince who lives at this house?" she asked.

"Yes." I said. "Where is Vince? Why are you here? Where is my husband?"

"Did you and your husband.." she looked at Randy and Troy. "..and any of these men have an altercation with your husband earlier tonight?"

"Yes-we had a little argument." I was starting to get concerned. "How is that any of your business?-and I am not answering any more of your questions until you tell me where my husband is."

"Your husband is at the hospital, recovering from his injuries, I need you.." she droned on but I tuned her out. I didn't hear anything after I heard the words Vince, Injured and hospital. I turned to run off the porch for my car and head to the hospital-when the officer grabbed my arm swung me around and slapped a handcuff on my wrist.

"What the hell are you doing!" I screamed and started struggling. "I need to go see my husband."

Randy moved in and pushed the officer away. "Can't you just let her go. She ain't done nothing."

The female officer regained her balance and told Randy to back off. Troy stepped in to back up Randy and went to shove the smaller lady cop. The female officer swung an elbow into Troy's stomach and he doubled over in a groan. Randy grabbed the lady cop in bear hug and said. "Chill bitch! Cool down!"

The officer was still struggling in Randy's grip when Troy came up with his fist cocked to hit her. She stomped on Randy's instep. Randy released her from the bear-hug to grab his foot and stumbled into Troy.

Suddenly the screen door slammed open so hard it tore off one of the hinges. Tommy the brother of Vince came bounding thru the door plowing into Randy and Troy with a bone crushing tackle I used to see him teach his young CYO football linebackers.

The three of them crashed thru the porch railing onto the front lawn. Tommy got the first few shots in, then Randy tied him up in some kind of wrestling hold. Randy and Troy started pummeling Tommy on the ground with kicks and punches.

The lady cop was calling some 999 Officer need whatever into her radio, then jumped into the fray with the three guys.

"I don't have time for this macho Bullshit!" I yelled at the scrum. "My husband needs me!" I walked around the pile heading to my car while pulling out my cell phone to dial Vince.

An electric shock started at my left buttock cheek and spread thru my whole body. My knees buckled and I hit the ground. I had not felt such electric pain since I had stuck a fork in the toaster when I was a little girl.

My muscles finally unclenched, I turned over to find that lady cop holding some type of space gun. "Stay down! Don't move!" she was shouting "you are under arrest!" A wire from the space gun snaked out to what felt like a damn dart in my ass.

I stared back at the lady cop. Tommy was still on the ground trying to protect himself, with Randy and Troy kicking at him. A dark blur flew out the partially opened screen door with an ear splitting growl. Candy --Tommy's Doberman pincher was on Randy and Troy like a black and tan tornado. Candy was tearing into Randy and Troy so fast- chunks of flesh and clothing was flying. I saw Troy retreat to the car after trying to fend off a bunch of Candy's bites' Randy was trying to escape from Candy, crab-walking backwards as fast as he could. Apparently not fast enough because Candy clamped onto his groin with a full mouth bite. Randy let out a scream so high it sounded like a girl.

Cars doors started slamming and Randy's friends joined the fracas. Two tackled the female officer and I saw another couple pounce on Tommy. One of them stepped on my leg, and another tripped over me as I tried to crawl away from this chaos. Tommy was fighting like a cornered badger but getting the worst of it. The female cop was struggling under Randy's friends.




Blood from a Turnip: Her Side



A large yell rose up from next door neighbor house, and the cry "1st ARMOURED! 1st DIVISON!" "COACH TOMMY!" could be heard as a bunch of young men with crew cut hair came charging across my lawn like a Greek Phalanx with a battering ram. They tore into Randy and his friends. Naturally I got stepped on again.

"God let this nightmare end." I prayed, but I couldn't take my eyes off the battle. Candy had let go of Randy and was snapping and biting at anyone that got near a prone Tommy. I saw our next door neighbor -young crew cut Juan Rodriquez, take out one of guys from the Rave party who was atop the female cop. "What the hell was he doing here? Juan was in the Army now. Vince and I were at his send-off party. Vince and Tommy had been his CYO football coaches."

Randy had recovered and tried to crush Juan by gripping him in a two handed grip around Juan's waist. Juan head butted Randy in the face, Randy let go, howling in pain. Juan punched Randy savagely in the kidneys before picking the larger Randy up in a fireman carry and throwing him down hard into my rose bushes.

"Great." I though absent-mindly. "Took me all year to get those roses to bloom. Now I got to start all over."

The crew cuts were making short work of Randy's friends-tossing them all around.

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse...it did. With sirens shrieking and lights flashing it looked like every police car in the county showed up at the same time! They did not even stop when they got to the house! They drove right up on the lawn. Bullhorns were blaring for everyone to get down on the ground. They were swinging nightsticks at anything that moved. Tommy was trying to pull a snarling Candy into the house. He had just shoved Candy inside and slammed the door when a State trooper cracked him with a nightstick and yanked him back onto the lawn. I was almost run over by a squad car, and was trampled on twice this time.

I remembered that Vince was hurt and needed me -so I started to limp away. I figured no one would miss me in the confusion. I was almost to the garage when I was hit with that excruciating electric shock again. I was still gasping for air when that damn female cop holding that F'n space gun put the handcuff on my other wrist and started to read me my rights.

+++++++++

I had never had a parking ticket, so jail was a whole new world for me and not a pleasant one. I could take all the little indignities and absence of privacy, but it was the lack of information that was the worst. "What happened to Vince? Was he alright?" I hope he did not hurt himself. "Did he try to commit suicide? " Oh God No. Then I remembered Vince was a big time catholic-suicide was a sin and he would never do that. But other questions kept me pacing. "Who has my children!" The not knowing was driving me crazy.

I found out about the charges a day later when we went for a bail hearing. You can imagine my surprise when I was told besides everything else there was a restraining order against me. Vince had been assaulted and they thought it was me! I could not go home or near my husband or kids. I knew this was a big mistake. I could get this all straightened out if I could talk to Vince. But it was a Catch-22. I was not allowed to talk to Vince and see my kids to get the mess cleared up and the mess couldn't get straighten up until I talked to Vince and saw my kids. It was maddening this circular logic.

Because I was not a flight risk and it was my first offense I was able to self-bond after the second day. (There is an ATM with cash advance right in the jailhouse lobby) I was horrified when our credit cards were declined. Fortunately I had one of my old credit cards I kept in the back of wallet for extreme emergencies. The interest for a cash advance was steep, but Vince and I would pay it back as soon as I got this mess cleared up.

When I finally exited the county lock up, I felt like hell. I had the same clothes on for three days-my skinny jeans with the front buttons missing-I had to hold them closed. I had not bathed for the same time period and I had eaten nothing but baloney sandwiches and milk three times a day in jail. 

A man came up and verified my name. I thought he was here to give me a ride home. I was shocked when he handed me divorce papers. I sat right down on the steps and cried. "How could things get so completely screwed up! Who was putting these crazy ideas in Vince's head?"

It took me six hours to get home. I got lost twice because of the confusing bus routes and ended up walking the last mile home. I threw away my CFM pumps after the first 100 yards. When I got to the house no one was home and none of my keys worked. A legal envelope taped to the door had a copy of the restraining order and a handwritten note from Vince telling me my car was down the block. I found the car full of most of my stuff. I was utterly exhausted and depressed beyond belief. As I started my car -I saw Vince had at least left me a full tank of gas. I hit an ATM and took as much of a cash advance as my single credit card would allow. I checked into a motel. 

I knew I had to talk to Vince, but right now I needed to sleep. The best way to get to Vince was thru our boys. I would get him to talk to me when he went to see the boys at school. I was so tired I fell asleep before I could even take a shower.

++++++++

Randy was not happy to hear my voice

"If I knew it was you calling. I wouldn't have answered the phone" Randy said

"I had to get a temporary cell phone, my other one got canceled" I explained

"Look MILF..I mean Lisa. You said your husband was OK with our arrangement. That guy is one wack job. Do you know he claims we beat him up that night? Got pictures and bruises and everything. You know I never touched that guy. Hell even if I don't get jail time-I might lose my scholarship because of this."

"Randy I know. I never thought Vince would go off the deep end like this. But look if I can talk to him, I know I can convince him nothing happened. Then I can get him to drop all the charges."

"What do you need me for?"

"I have left a dozen messages for Vince on both our home and his cell phone, trying to explain everything. But he will not pick up or return my calls. We must see Vince in person. Randy you were there that night. You can confirm no sex happened. Nothing, Nada."

" You ain't gonna mention the little flag pole polishing and chicken head?"

"Randy that high school stuff is not sex and we all know it. We need to catch him at my son's school before noon. When Vince plays lunch monitor."

"What do I get out of the deal?"

"Randy what -you angling for another blow job?" 

"Fuck NO! It hurts to even put on my underwear. That damn devil dog really did a number on me. I want you to promise me all this shit goes away."

"No problem Randy. I got an ace in the hole. Vince and I had an agreement, an understanding about my ..activities. He freaked out and changed the rules at the last minute. If he and I do not get back on the same page I will screw him over royal in the divorce. Take the kids, the house, his 401K. Make the alimony and child support so high he will need a ladder to write the check."

"You would really do that?"

"I would not want to -but I would. Honestly I am the one that should be ticked off. It was Vince who agreed to everything-he never said No-then that son of a bitch goes and changes the rules at the last second. Besides it was only a single night. Vince may be pissed at me now, but he loves our boys. No way would he give a rat's ass about a hand job if he knows I will take his boys away from him. And I will too, and Vince knows it-I never buff. I am willing to let slide this one time, but this is his last chance"

"You are one cold bitch. What the address?"

"I am not cold --just principled. You got a pen?"

"Uh no." Randy mumbled. "Can you text it to me?"

I gave a big sigh and thought. "Vince damn you-I hope you appreciate what fools I have to deal with because of you." 

++++++++++++++ 

The meeting with Vince at the school went sideways right off the bat. I thought if we could surprise him, Vince would listen to me and get his act together. Vince would not even let me speak and ambushed Randy and I with a bunch of police officers he had sitting our minivan. I was arrested using that phony restraining order and Randy got collared for threatening Vince.

That was the final straw! Vince had blown his last chance. I was going to make him pay in spades. Problem is I was cooling my heels in jail and getting bail was not easy. My parents had passed away long ago after Vince and I married, and I had no siblings. It was true in a break up that you divide up your friends. No one would give me any help. They all sided with my husband. "Good old Saint Vince, Coach Vince could do no wrong everyone thinks" I muttered to myself." Well that big fat liar was going to get his soon!"

The next day, my mouth was open wide in surprise when I saw who posted my bail. Brandy-who was Tommy's Ex-wife was dressed fashionably and gave me a big hug when I stepped out into the county lock-up lobby.

"Close your mouth Lisa." Brandy teased "You will catch flies."

"Brandy, you a..look great" I was unsure what to say "Thank you for posting bail. But you have me at a disadvantage. I am a little shocked."

"Why? Oh because of that Tommy thing? It wasn't really your fault. Tommy was the one who acted like an ass. I guess I'm glad I found he was so uptight, and cared so little about my well-being and feelings." Brandy did a little twirl to show off her attire "Like the outfit? I have a part time job at a little shop downtown. Not even minimum wage, but it doesn't matter, Tommy is paying now for my decade of forced servitude to him. I love being at the shop, I get great deals on the outfits and the customers are just so much fun to be with."

"Well you look good Brandy." and she did too. "I hate to take advantage of you some more. But could you lend me some money to get my car out of impound and a few night for a hotel."

"Oh don't be silly. You are coming home with me. No worries about the money. I will just get some more out of Tommy." Brandy grabbed my arm and led me to her car.

While walking Brandy laughed and said "It is funny -Tommy borrows the money from Vince --so it is really Vince who is paying for all this hassle, -as he should. Besides we are both in the same boat now." 

We were at Brandy's car when I asked her. "What do you mean we are in the same boat?"

"You know -getting caught stepping out, having fun. Cheating-some people even say."

"Brandy you got it all wrong. I was not cheating. Vince and I talked about it. He gave me the green light to date. We did anything to make to make each other feel happy. At least we used to."

"Really Lisa?" Brandy looked surprised as she put on her designer sunglasses. "I though those two troll brothers were a couple of peas in a pod. Tommy thought I belonged only to him. I am shocked to hear Vince said "Yes" to the idea of you seeing other guys. If Tommy had been more like that and let my little flings run their course. We might still be married, a big happy family, and he would have had a satisfied hot little wife."

"Well Vince didn't say "Yes" exactly. But he didn't raise any objections when I told him what I needed to feel good. I mean Vince never said "No" --which I know meant he was OK with it. It was so frustrating! It took me weeks to set up this date-then "POOF" at the last minute Vince changed his mind and expected me to just drop all my plans."

"What a selfish son of bitch!" Brandy agreed.

"Yes and I had even lined up a hot little coed for him as a surprise thank you for Vince for being so cool about everything."

"Wow-you are like a dream wife." Brandy commented "You think Vince would have welcomed that."

"Yeah you would think." I continued "But No. I had my date tested and was going to make him wear protection-you think Vince appreciated all my attention to detail? Noooo, Vince just insulted me. He flat out refused when I offered to let him do my ass later that night after my date."

"I can't believe that-a guy turning down anal? That is unheard of. Well how was your Date night? You get any?"

"Brandy I do not know why you keep doing it. The whole night was terrible. At first it was fun hanging out with the young girls-made me feel like a kid again. My guy was some muscle bound meathead. It was crude and awkward and I had a headache most of the night. I kept looking at my watch counting the time to get home."

"I know what you mean. Almost all of the guys are complete jerks. I have better sex by myself-but I love the attention they give me. You get laid at least?"

"No, we made out like some love struck teenagers. Even that wasn't' any good. I let him maul my tits for a while and he tried to finger me over the panties-I think I am still raw. I ended up giving him a hand job and some head-with a condom on, just so the lug would come back and let Vince know it was no big deal. You understand --try to save Vince's ego and all. I needed my date-that "man child" to confirm no sex went on. That's why I blew him in the car on the way home. Let me tell you Brandy that would have been the first, last and only date if Vince had not pulled this shit."

"Well don't worry Lisa, once you get that fat check from the bank account and every month thereafter, plus watch as the court makes him move out of the house, the pain of all your sacrifice will go away." Brandy pulled out of the parking spot. "You should take your half of Vince's 401K and go on a cruise. I did that with Tommy's and felt so much better afterwards."

++++++++

Brandy got to live in their house that Tommy made payments on as a settlement of the divorce. It was one of those McMansions, so there was plenty of room. My nephews Tommy Jr. and little Frank were happy to see me. I could see they were still dealing with the divorce of Tommy and Brandy. I got the impression Brandy did not give them as much attention as they needed. My nephews were great-but sometimes it just made me miss my boys even more. I was able to see my kids at school --parked 102 yards away with a pair of binoculars. Some days I was so down I could barely get out of bed. Other days I was so pissed I wanted to strangle Vince!

Things were not going so well on the legal front. My hearing about the "Battle Royal" on our front lawn was over 9 months away so I put that out of my mind. My big concern was the divorce. Vince's shark was playing legal games and I couldn't get any money. I had gone thru two lawyers who dropped me after I couldn't come up with their retainer. No attorney wanted to take my case on contingency. That prick Vince had been able to get the restraining order renewed twice-I wanted to kick him for keeping me from my kids. When I found a lawyer I planned to clean his clock in divorce court.

Tommy pulled some bullshit medical-injury-disability-thing to avoid paying Brandy her maintenance. It took a month for Brandy to yank Tommy into court and she really got screwed. The court stopped Tommy's maintenance payments, chopped the child support money and made Brandy take over the house mortgage. She had to go full time at the little fashion shop, but it did not pay very much money.

"I talked to Vince today." Brandy said "Tried to get him to talk his brain dead brother Tommy into going back to work. No go. I thought Vince was the smarter of those two cavemen. Remember how Vince handled those guys at the Christmas party just after you two got married?" 

"God yea." I chuckled at the memory "I really had a lot to drink that night."

"Bullshit Lisa. Those buff guys were all over you and you were enjoying the attention."

"Oh it was just a little harmless flirting." I countered.

"Lisa you had your tongue far enough down one guys throat under that mistletoe you could have tasted his breakfast."

"I did not!"

"Lisa come on!" Brandy laughed "You were squirming so much with that guys hand under your dress I thought he left his watch in your panties!"

"That's not funny Brandy!" I was blushing with embarrassment.

"Well Lisa-Vince did not think it was funny either. Especially when the pals of your finger bang buddy were keeping Vince away. Little guy barely came up to their chins. Remember how Vince got the last laugh?"

The memory was hazy but I recalled Vince came back a few minutes later and told those muscleheads they better hurry outside their cars were being towed away.

"Lisa did Vince really tow their cars?"

I was still uncomfortable about that event. One guy shoved me off his lap so fast I got a bruise on my hip when I hit the floor. 

"Yep. Some of the automobiles even got crushed. Something about having no plates and being declared abandoned." 

I was pretty drunk that night, and we were both young. Still it had taken me two weeks of morning blow jobs and lots of sex to get Vince back into the holiday spirit.

"Sounds like Vince." Mary commented "I always hear Vince telling the boys the biggest muscle is the one between their ears."

"Well some times that smart ass is too clever for his own good."

++++++++

I was manic the day before the hearing. I found an attorney willing to represent me in the divorce case. It was a kid fresh out of law school. I had to promise him a big chunk of my portion of Vince's 401K. 

When Brandy came in from her job at the fashion shop she was giddy with excitement.

"Lisa one of our regulars at the store is a court steno. She said your case got Judge Reynolds." Brandy was rubbing her hands together with glee. "Judge Reynolds looks like my old grandfather, but knows how to decide cases like ours. Judge Reynolds understands how much a woman goes thru as a wife and mother. He recognizes the pressures of raising children are best left to us ladies. You always get a fair deal with him."

"You think I can get my kids back? The house, my money-same ruling as you had with Tommy?"

"Should be a lock. In the case before mine the poor mother came in half drunk and passed out during the hearing. Her husband probably drove her to drink. Judge Reynolds gave her custody, child support, maintenance and split everything else 50/50. The husband and his lawyer were protesting so much, everyone in the courtroom thought they were going to have a stoke." Brady sat down at the table "But Judge Reynolds did not take any of their guff. He told them the wife looked to be under stress with the divorce and all. Judge instructed the husband he should arrange visitations around her AA meetings-if the mom wanted to attend them."

"This Judge Reynolds grasps what I need!" I exclaimed clapping my hands.

"You should start thinking about what cruise you want go on." Brandy said reaching in the fridge to pull out a bottle of wine.

That evening Tommy came over. Brandy had sipped a few glasses of wine. I was not a big wine person and still had my first glass. Tommy was trying to get me to work out a deal with Vince

"Screw him" I tried to keep my temper under control. I always liked Tommy. "I am going to get everything out of your brother. Vince thinks you can't get blood out of a turnip? Come to Judge Reynolds court tomorrow and watch a turnip bleed!"

"Lisa please, listen. Vince is not like me-you know that." Tommy pleaded "You push him too hard and he may just quit the game and do something rash."

"What? Get a restraining order against me? Throw me in jail? Trump up some bogus charge?" I was on a roll. "Your brother brought this on himself. I told him what would happen. Vince set me up. Letting me think I could go out and have some fun-then pulling the rug out from under me..."

"Stop" Tommy interrupted "Lisa you continue like this and you will lose everything. Vince may just bundle up the kids and make a run for the border."




Blood from a Turnip: Her Side



++++++++

I had killed the engine and glided into my driveway with headlights off. It was about 3 AM. Brandy was with me and a little bit tipsy. We planned to snatch up my boys and bring them to her house. The old saying was possession was 9/10's of the law. If Vince did not need to follow the law and was going to kidnap my children, then I could ignore that F'n restraining order. 

Somehow Brandy had slipped the house key off Tommy. I headed to the boys room and Brady went to make sure Vance was still sleeping in the master bedroom.

The boys room was locked which caused me to curse. Brandy come back and told me the master bedroom was empty. I put my ear to the door and heard Vince's voice. If I had been mad before now I felt like spitting flames. I started pounding on the door.

"Dammit Vince open this door! You are not taking my children!" 

No way was my kids going to be hiding out in some third world country in the middle of a drug war or living under a bunch of aliases in the great white North.

Brandy started banging on the door with me. I was getting more pissed by the second.

"Goddamn it Vince if I have to break this door down I will." I screamed at the door. "Open up now! When I smash this door down I will kick your ass for real this time!"

I knew I was no match in any physical fight with Vince. But I would make damn sure he would not leave that house with my children. I would lay down in front of his car first!

In frustration I started kicking the bottom of the door. After a few vicious kicks the plywood split, my foot when all the way thru the door to the calf. That caused a nasty scratch that stung like a bitch. I pulled my leg back.

"Goddamn It Vince that really hurt." I started kicking the door harder. The adrenaline was surging. I could sense myself losing control. It was like a wild women had taken over my body.

"I am going to fucking kill you!" I screamed at the door. I now understood how a bull in the bullfight feels. That door was like waving a damn cape at me.

Brandy was kicking at the bottom of the door now also. The plywood was breaking away. The small holes were getting bigger. The bottom façade was giving away more and more.

Suddenly there was a massive double "BOOM!" The bottom of the door exploded. Someone hit my legs with sledgehammers. I was dropped to the floor like a bowling pin. The bottom of the door was gone and a cloud of smoke rolled out past the jagged wood. I saw Brandy next to me in a heap. Pain more severe than I had ever experienced swept over me. Everything faded to dark..

++++++++

When I awoke my body was in bandages and I was handcuffed to a bed, I became hopeless and wanted to die. My prospects were prison, a life without my children. My legs and looks were as damaged as my future. I was told it could have been worse. The shotgun I was shot with contained shells that were old and powder weak. Still I fell into a deep depression and was put on suicide watch with a full psych, medical work-up. One of the big Pharma firms was doing a clinical trial on hormone replacement medication at the hospital. My doctor was able to interest the man in charge of the project in my case. It took a few weeks of different meds and doses, in addition to daily shrink sessions-but I pulled out of my hole. For the first time in my adult life, I did not suffer the terrible "blue" days or crazy happy swings. My expectations were not high, but at least I no longer wished to die.

I was eating what passed for lunch when there was a quick knock at my hospital door. Without being invited in, a lady with a briefcase and holding a file folder full of paper strode in briskly. She took a seat next to my bed. I hurriedly rearranged the bedcovers over my plaster encased legs. Once my pride and joy, I now tried to keep them covered whenever anyone was around. I felt self-conscious about my lower limbs, even around the nurses and doctors.

"Lisa, I have been assigned your case by the public defender's office" she began, without even a hello. "This is the deal-you are going to testify against Brandy, The ASA agreed to time served, a few months in county and 4 years of probation" She tossed a folder on my bed while searching for a pen in her suit pocket.

"I can't testify against Brandy! She is my friend!" I protested.

"You don't need a friend now, you need an attorney. This is your lucky day -for I am a lawyer. Now sign here, here, and here" she pointed to some places on a mass of papers in my lap. "You plead Guilty now and do some short county time. If we go to trial -your hair will be as gray as mine when you get out of the pen."

"My husband is trying to divorce me. If I plead guilty, I will lose custody of my children."

"You are going to lose custody of the children anyway." she sounded patient-like when I was trying to explain something to my young boys. "Lisa, at least this way you get to see your children by summer. Take the deal. Otherwise the next time you view the kids without bars and an orange jump suit will be at their graduation." 

"If I'm in jail during the divorce hearings Vince will take everything!"

"Well not everything. I already spoke to your husband and blew some smoke up his shorts. He's not too big a jerk -as far as ex-husbands go." She gave a little laugh. "I should know I have three of those ex-bums" She pulled papers from a pile at her feet. "Here is the divorce agreement. You get to keep your car and some of the savings. He gets the house and 401K."

"What about my boys?"

"That you will have to work out with Vince, once you get released. I'm not a marriage therapist, but I would try to be in a better mood when you are trying wrangle visitation terms."

"Vince was never very understanding of my moods, I doubt he will show me any consideration now."

"My 2nd husband was always whining -calling me moody. One day he bought me a mood ring. We discovered that when I was in a good mood, it turned green. When I was in a bad mood, it left a big frickin red mark on his forehead." She smiled at her own joke. "Dumb ass should have bought me a diamond." 

I laughed too in spite of myself. I was a still little overwhelmed and said so "This a lot for me to grasp. Can I have some time to think about it?"

"You have until I get out of this chair and walk to that door. Listen Princess, I have a couple dozen other cases that need my attention. So get it in gear. Brandy is getting the same offer from the ASA. If she takes the deal first, you won't have to decide. The state will decide every aspect of your life while you are in the joint."

I was still in a bit of a daze from all the new information "Can't you show a little sympathy. I am in the hospital."

"Princess you want sympathy? Look between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. Because you're not going to find it here"

"This is not right! I only wanted to have some fun, feel young again. No one was going to get hurt. That Damn Vince turned on me like a rabid dog. He made up a bunch of lies." I pulled the blanket off my lower body to uncover my legs. "The prick -he shot me! Now Vince gets everything? It's not fair!"

The lady Defense attorney rolled her eyes at my outburst. "Princess I know that big Pharma is pumping you full of wonder drugs to make you feel good, plus them shrinks sessions." She moved her chair closer to me. "But let's you and I cut thru all the psychobabble. You wanted to fuck around on your husband and convinced yourself he was OK with it. Hell you were going to go thru with your little hide the salami night even if he wasn't on board. You got caught and busted. Now I know what hubby did, and his story is pure crap. But you better deal with the cards you have in your hand, not the ones in your mind."

"No one was hurt by what I wanted! It is just not fair!" I repeated.

"Princess no one said Justice was fair-just blind. This is not Law & Order or some episode of CSI --with a cast of dozens searching for the truth. This is fast food justice, so get it now or go hungry. Time to shit, or get off the pot."

I sighed and reached for the pen.

++++++++

Brandy refused any deals. She still thought she could go back to the way it was before with Tommy and her Alimony. Brandy wanted to sue Vince and his homeowners insurance over her injuries. Brandy had big plans for her settlement money. The ASA was not happy and piled on the counts. The jury voted guilty on most of the charges. Brandy ended up going down for 7-10. She might get out in 4 years.

The divorce went thru while I did my 120 days in county. It was mostly boring with only my rehab and shrink sessions a few time a week to break the monotony. I wrote long letters to my boys, even a few to Vince. The long days mellowed out my anger towards Vince and his actions. (The drugs had a big effect on that I guess). Sometimes I even felt some affection when I thought about him, not the love of a wife -but more as the father to my children. I no longer had the mood swings of the past. While I missed the energy and drive my "highs" use to give me-I was thankful not to get the dark depressions the "blues" brought on.

Still I was surprised when Vince was at my release and offered me a ride. I thought he had come to gloat. It was the weekend, so I couldn't get to the bank for the divorce money until Monday. I figured to hole up at the YWCA or a halfway house until then. I dreaded riding the bus, therefore I took Vince up on his offer of a lift.

Once we started to drive, my temper flared.

"You didn't have to shoot me you know."

Vince came right back. "You didn't have to cheat on me, threaten to take the kids and bankrupt me you know." 

I bit my tongue before I blurted out the words "This from the liar!"

Vince continued "Lisa, is this really how you want our first conversation to go?"

I took a deep breath and concentrated on the mental exercises we had done in therapy. Vince was right, no use rehashing the past. It no longer mattered what got us to this point. Where we went from this point was what was important. Besides I needed to be in Vince's graces if I wanted to see my kids.

I thought of everything ahead of me. I had to find a place to live, a job, cajole some time with my children out of Vince. I felt so weary. I just slumped back in the seat and stared at the floor silently while he drove. 

After a while I noticed we were not headed downtown. Vince said he needed to make a stop first. I knew Vince was doing this to prolong my agony. I let Vince know I had a lot to do and pleaded to not add any more delays.

Was I in for a surprise! Vince and Tommy has rented me little condo close to my now former home. The kids were all there and I was over-whelmed. I kept hugging and kissing the boys as they showed me all around my new residence. The place had all my old furnishing , even pictures of my boys on the wall. I then got my second shock, Vince and Tommy wanted me to play Den mother and take care of their household and the children. It was a dream job! I would see my boys every day! Be a part of here lives! I didn't care about the pay. The only question I asked Vince was:

"When do I start!"

++++++++

The next two years flew by and we settle into a routine. The transition was pretty smooth. The biggest obstacle was Tommy's dog Candy. That scarred Doberman was always giving me the eye and a low growl when I arrived at the house in the morning. A few days of extra milk bones and chew treats had that mutt wagging his stubby tail in no time. I must admit Candy was very protective of the boys and the house. Woe to any salesman or solicitor who tried to talk their way past the doorway.

I filled my time in between the house with taking some classes on line and at the local community college. It took a while to get used to the stares my face brought. The "incident" had left a nasty scar on my right side from eye to lower cheek. I could have had plastic surgery, but the boys loved me the way I was. I no longer needed attention from others to provide my self-worth. Tommy and Vince encouraged me to go out, I had kept off the weight I lost in jail and was down to my old college volleyball playing figure, but I was never asked on dates. Some battery operated toys kept the edge off. 

Tommy became quite the lady's man and was never short of dates on the weekend or even overnights. I admit I was a bit jealous when Vince went out. When Vince called me to ask if I could stay overnight while he was out on one of his dates the first time-it took a lot to bite my tongue. 

One Saturday Tommy had taken the boys to a birthday party. I heard Vince singing in the shower, cleaning up after some lawn work. He had a terrible voice, it sounded like someone was killing a cat. I was putting some clean towels in the same bathroom. It was not like we never saw each other without our clothes so I ignored Vince's objections. 

However when I glanced thru the shower door I felt myself get aroused. Vince was still in pretty good shape. Coaching the boy's teams and chasing the kids around had kept him and Tommy fit. I had put an end to the pizza and burger mealtimes. I did not begrudge anyone a little treat-but gone were the endless bags of chips and cartons of ice cream. The children were not going to get diabetes and become little couch potatoes on my watch.

"This was too good a chance to pass up." I thought. Vince had stopped going on dates. But I did the laundry and knew he had not been completely celibate.

I quickly undressed and rubbed some hand lotion inside myself. I had goose-bumps as I open the shower door and stepped thru a cloud of steam. Vince was rinsing off his hair with his back to me. I encircled his waist with one arm and pressed my breasts to his back. I grabbed his manhood and started stroking him. He became hard in an instant.

Before I let Vince turn around I told him how long I had waited for this. When he spun toward me I dropped to my knees and sucked his hard penis right down to the base. Vince did not protest, only gripped my hair and started sliding in and out of my mouth.

He must have been more horny then me, because Vince started spurting after just a few strokes. At first I was disappointed, than saw he was still hard. I never let go of him as I stood up, bent over at the waist, and leaned against the shower wall pulling Vince into me. He slide all the way home. I let out a satisfied moan-this was much better than any of my "toys". The combination of hot water on my back and Vince inside me was sending me over the top. It had been so long since I had had him I felt like a virgin. I pushed back at him and moved one hand down to rub my clit. We got a wonderful rhythm going for a few minutes and I could feel myself getting close. The orgasm started at the center of my body and spread to my whole being as I threw my head back and let the feeling overcome me. Vince was still inside me as I leaned against the shower wall to catch my breath. I was still turned on, so I pulled Vince out of my pussy and placed the head of his dick on my rosebud.

Vince hesitated. I thought he was worried about hurting me as I may not being lubricated.

"Vince I put some lotion in me-but go slow it's been a long time" I told him looking back at him over my shoulder.

He still paused "You sure?"

"Yes" I answered. "I know you like it there, and I want you there" I let go of him and spread my cheeks wider. I was so aroused I was pushing back at Vince.

He delayed to put some lotion on himself, then slowly started to slide into my ass. Vince would stop to let me get used to him, I would wiggle back as my sign I wanted more. Soon he was all the way inside my butt.

"Vince. Hold on a moment. Let me get used to you. You feel so big" I said. 

After I felt myself loosen up, I started moving back and forth on his dick, rubbing my clit at the same time. I nodded my head at Vince that it was OK for him. He started with shallow strokes, but was soon pounding into my ass. Vince reached around taking over the job of rubbing my clit. I moaned as waves of pleasure coursed thru my body as Vince thrust into my tight butt. I seemed like just a few minutes before Vince gripped my hips with both hands and pushed in deeper and held himself in me.

"I gonna cum." Vince gasped.

I reached back to pull him tighter to me. "Yes, Yes, come in me!"

I felt a bit of his semen in my bowels as he pumped a few times before pulling out.

We washed each other off before I was half dragged and half carried to the bed soaking wet, embraced in a kiss. Vince threw me down on the bed and dove between my legs.

Lordy, that man still remember how to use his tongue and fingers. I was a limp rag by the time he entered me again. I got him off two more times and I do not recall how many times I came from his dick, tongue and fingers.

Afterwards we lay together and it felt just like old time. I decided to go for broke.

"Vince the past is water under the bridge. Do you think we can start anew again?" 

I knew we would never have the crazy type of love when we were first married. I thought we could have a more mature kind of affection. Based more on comfort, compatibility, mutual interests and our children-rather than raging hormones. We had both grown. I no longer judged my value by the amount of attention others paid to me. I knew what now mattered most in my life-it wasn't what, or how much other people thought of me.

I was shocked when Vince replied this had been a mistake. He started talking about me leaving, getting another job someplace taking care of some senior.

I put my hand over his mouth and gripped him tight. Blurting out. "No Vince, please- I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that. It has nothing to do with you or the kids."

I couldn't give this up now. It was my reason for getting up in the morning, a lifeline. I loved being with the boys and life I had now. It gave my life meaning.

However when Vince heard me say. "I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that. It has nothing to do with you or the kids." He shot up and away from me like I had stabbed him with an electric cattle prod. He rubbed his eyes for a minute then looked straight ahead. Had I spooked him that bad about getting back together?

Vince did not even look at me when he said "Lisa the last time I heard the sentence from you- "I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that. It has nothing to do with you or the kids"- we were in this same room and you were getting ready for your date. The date that ended our marriage. Hell I think I was sitting at the same spot on this bed."

I was stunned by Vince's statement. I could not recall the exact words from our conversation that night, but from the venom in Vince's voice, it was clear he still had a clear memory of every word and phrase. I did not mean to repeat a statement from my terrible "date night". It was obvious that Vince still had a lot of emotional trauma. When I first started taking care of Vince, Tommy and the boys, Vince had avoided being in any room with me alone. I started leaving right after the boys were put to bed as I saw how uncomfortable I was making Vince. After a few months I thought he had gotten over it. Now it was clear Vince's wounds had not healed. My words coming back from that night had had ripped that wound open. I had to let Vince know I had changed. Times had changed.

"I am not a bad person Vince." I told him.

"Ya I know --the old cliché' You're a good person who did a bad thing."

"That was a long time ago. I know it does not help-but it was not really me back then."

"Well I really wish it wasn't me back then-but it was."

I thought I could appeal to Vince religious nature. "Vince I go to church with you every Sunday. Can't you forgive and forget?"

Vince did not budge on his stance. "It is not about forgiveness and forgetting. It is about trust. Lisa even as well as things have been between us-the Once bitten, Twice Shy analogy- still applies."




Blood from a Turnip: Her Side



Time to see if I could salvage the condition. Get the situation under control. So I tried to pacify him. "OK Vince I understand. I do not like it but I understand. I guess it is too much to ask after all we have been thru. But I do not want to lose what I have with you and the boys. Please let's just keep on the same. Let's just keep it simple."

Vince paused before answering and I held my breath.

"OK Lisa-Works for me."

I let out a high sigh of relief. I got off the bed and started to walk to the bathroom. Turning to say something to Vince I saw he was staring at my behind with a look of lust.

"Vince." I gave him a sly smile and he looked up at my face. "I still reserve the right to ambush you in the shower."

++++++++

Will Vince and I every get back together? Not like we used to be. However I am happy with how my life is. I got a boost to my self-esteem when one of my old instructors asked me out on a date. I got that old thrill for a moment that another's attention used to give me. It passed quickly, and I gracefully talked my way out of the invitation. There was no way I was going to risk what I had-been there done that! I am closer to my boys and nephews then I have ever been. I am at every one of their events-both school and sport. I even stay overnight when I wish. Vince and I get together o make love or have sex when we feel the need. My life is on an even keel, and has four great boys, a man in my life, even a faithful dog. What could be better in my life than that? 



Blood from a Turnip: Is Cheat Back?



++++ 

There is some recycling of characters from the first story I ever wrote for LW called BLOOD FROM A TURNIP (Yes I know the old story REALLY needed editing). https://www.literotica.com/s/blood-from-a-turnip OR https://www.literotica.com/s/blood-from-a-turnip-her-side 

This can be a standalone tale, but it will help to read either "BLOOD FROM A TURNIP" tale to get the backstory. 

Great Thanks to Dave T who edited this fable without drinking poison before he was finished. Any and ALL errors are mine. 

++++ 

"Coach Tommy, is Frankie home?" 

This disheveled sixteen year old on my porch that Saturday morning was Carlos, a friend of my similar aged son Frankie, and a shortstop from one of the many baseball teams I coached over the years. 

As anyone who has ever been involved with youth sports knows, it does not matter if you pilot the Space Shuttle, earned a degree in Thermal Nuclear Quantum Physics, won the Nobel Peace Prize for curing cancer. You will always be addressed for the rest of your life as "Coach". 

"Come on in Carlos, right now Frankie is taking a shower. You can wait in the kitchen." I opened the screen door and walked into the kitchen with Carlos in my wake. 

As we passed through the hallway, a large dog came bounding around the corner. 'Candy Too', our 98 pound black Doberman Pinscher, had heard Carlos voice and come running. A protective but friendly rescue dog, Candy Too always enjoyed visits by any of my son's and nephew's friends. Candy Too knew this mean meant the two 'P's'. Getting 'Petted' or a roughhouse 'Playtime', both of which he enjoyed. 

I motioned Carlos to a chair and set a soda in front of him while returning to the task of putting away the dried dishes. 

"Carlos, you hear anything about your Dad? I gotta tell you we are pretty impressed he snagged that research spot on the NR-1." 

"Nerwin" said Carlos 

"What?" I replied looking over my shoulder at the youth. 

"The NR-1 nuclear research submarine is called the 'Nerwin'. Dad said it has never officially been named, but everyone calls it the Nerwin." 

"Good to know Carlos. Still I bet your Dad is going to be one of the few marine biologists to spend 8 weeks in a nuke sub crawling along the ocean floor..." 

I stopped speaking and looked more closely at Carlos. Our Doberman Candy Too was not engaged in an energetic tug of war with Carlos, nor was Carlos vigorously petting Candy Too as was to be expected. Instead Candy Too had his large head in Carlos lap with big brown eyes mournfully looking up at Carlos. 

Carlos had silent tears brimming in his eyes and was holding his right arm. I knelt down to inspect the limb, and could see it was swollen. As a volunteer sports coach, I had taken several medical classes over the years, and seen my share of injuries. 

"What happened son?" I asked gently, removing his hand so I could examine the arm. 

"Ah.. Coach Tommy, I um.. well... I fell off my bike." 

I knew that Carlos, as well as being a vacuum-like shortstop, was also active with his Dad in the dirt bike circuit. With his mountain goat like balance and cat reflexes of youth, Carlos falling off his bike and getting this type of injury were as likely as me at 5 foot 6 inches, playing starting center on the LA Lakers NBA basketball team. 

I decided not to press the issue. "Carlos, we gotta get you to the ER pronto." I pulled out my phone. "What is your Mom's number? I will have her meet us at the ER." 

"NO! ...I mean...I don't know. Mom's number is programmed into my phone, and um..my phone broke when I fell off my bike." 

"OK Carlos, no problem. I'll have Frankie ride over to your house and tell your Mom to meet us at the ER." 

"I'll be fine Coach Tommy. Please don't get my Mom, um cause well...I don't even think she is home." 

I got up and headed down the hallway toward the bathroom. "Well Carlos, we will not know that until Frankie gets to your house." 

Flinging open the bathroom door, I could see through the cloud of steam my sixteen year old son Frankie doing what every teenager does in the shower. 

"DAD!" Frankie yelled pulling his hand away from his suds soaked groin 

I shook my head. "Frankie listen, Carlos got himself hurt. Get out of the shower before you go blind, and ride down to his house PDQ. Tell his Mom to give me a call and meet us at Memorial ER." 

++++ 

The good or bad side to coaching my two sons and nephews on sports teams for so many years, as well as being a school lunch monitor, is that everyone seemed to know me. From the receptionist to the X-ray tech, everyone appeared to at one time or another, have been on one of my teams, or had a brother, sister, cousin, son, daughter, nephew, niece, neighbor or coworker in a sporting program I was involved in. 

While it was hard to keep the names or years straight, my 'fame' got Carlos through the normally 'hurry up and wait' ER for treatment in record time. I was concerned because Carlo's mother had not showed up yet or called. I was REALLY upset that my son Frankie was not answering my calls or returning my texts. I saw a removal and suspension of his cell phone in the VERY near future. 

The ER doc in front of me had once been a goalie on a team I coached, and still looked like a young kid to me. I was trying to do the math on his age as he motioned to a seat and threw some X-rays up on the wall light box. 

"Coach Tommy, as you can see, Carlos has a fracture. He is getting a cast put on as we speak." Taking out a pen he motioned to a spot on the X-ray. "This fracture was not a result of any fall, I can tell you that. In my experience this almost resembles a spiral type injury, caused by a twisting of the limb." 

He put his pen back in his pocket. "Coach, isn't Carlos' Dad that Wallace guy, the Marine Biologist who got to ride in the nuclear research sub?" 

"Yeah, been out six weeks. Wallace, Carlos' dad, is scheduled to come home in about two more weeks." 

The Doc pulled the X-rays off the light box, stuffing them back into the folder. "Normally I would report this. But as Carlos' dad, Wallace is not around, it may have just been a teenage fisticuffs, or him and his buddies playing MMA." He looked at me. "If you find different Coach, I need you to tell me." 

++++ 

Back home I had put Carlos to bed in my oldest son's room. Both my oldest boy and my nephew were away at college. The painkillers the hospital had given Carlos made it easy to put the groggy boy down. The fact Candy Too the Doberman was with him sealed the deal. I was still worried we could not contact Carlos' mother, and I was major league pissed my son Frankie was still not picking up his cell. 

It was in that state of mind I answered the phone when I saw Frankie's name on my mobile phone display. 

"Frankie, you better get some tin cans and a ball of string, because that is the closest you are ever gonna get to a phone until you are 21. Where the hell are you?" 

"Um Dad, I am a..like, in front of Carlos's house." 

"Wonderful" I growled. "Is Carlos's Mom there? Did you knock on the door? Is her car in the driveway? You try the neighbors? Christ son, it's been almost 6 hours." 

I heard hesitation on the other end. "Ah. Dad, uh like Carlos' mom has been at home the entire time. I think her name is Anna You've met her; she is kinda a MILF lady. But I haven't, like you know.. talked to her yet.." 

"WHAT?" I yelled "You go notify that women RIGHT NOW! Do you hear me! Have her call me IMMEDIATELY! Jesus Christ, she has gotta be worried sick about her son." 

"Dad" Frankie said. "Carlos called me from the hospital. Begged me not to tell his Mom where he was." 

"Carlos called you?" I questioned. "He said his phone was busted." 

I could hear Frankie shrug, even though the phone. "Don't know, Dad, just that Carlos made me swear not to tell his Mom where he was." 

I tried to keep my calm. "Frankie, if you wanna hear some swearing, wait until you get home. Now march up to that house and tell that women where her son is before I reach through this phone and slap you into yesterday." 

++++ 

Fifteen minutes later there was frantic pounding at my door. When I opened the door an anxious attractive lady about my height with light brown hair rushed through before I could say a word. For a small woman she made a lot of noise. 

"Oh my God Tommy! I am so glad you found Carlos! Is he alright? Where is my boy? Where is he?" 

As I turned away from the front door, I saw there was a car with the engine still running at the curb. Someone must have driven Anna, because the passenger side door was still open. It looked like Anna had not even waited for the automobile to stop, let alone pause long enough to close the car door. 

"Anna calm down please." I began holding my hands in front of her. "We just got back from the hospital. Carlos is resting now..." 

"I know. Your son Frankie told me." Anna interrupted while wringing her hands. "But Frankie did not have any more details. What did the doctors say about Carlos? Is he OK? I need to see him!" 

I could see Anna was on the edge of hysteria, and I feared her panic would upset Carlos. 

"Anna, the docs said Carlos needs some rest." Actually the doctors told Carlos to take it easy, but I figure a little stretching of the truth was in order. "Why don't we let just let Carlos sleep, and we can speak to him later. How about I will tell you about what the docs said concerning Carlos condition in the kitchen and you tell me what is going on, OK?" 

I heard someone enter the door behind me. When I turned, a giant of a man shoved me so hard against the wall I hit my head and saw stars. 

A deep voice commanded. "Listen Asswipe, we need to talk to the kid NOW!" 

I looked down to see a massive hand, which was pinning me to the wall. 

"Randy!" I heard Anna shriek "Let Tommy go!" 

I looked up at the big man and our eyes met. "OH FUCK!" we both said at the same time. 

Randy did not let me off the wall, and even increased the pressure from his hand. "Tell me where the kid is, or you gonna be sorry Minidick." he hissed. 

"Too late Dogmeat." I gasped, and with as much of a voice as I could muster yelled "HIT!" 

I think Randy opened his mouth for a snappy comeback, but in a flash an ear splitting growling dark blur of a tornado filled the small space between us. Randy was flung to the ground wearing a black and tan 98-pound Doberman fur coat of fangs and claws named Candy Too. 

++++ 

I tried to catch my breath as Randy rolled around on the ground yelling in pain while Candy Too did his best to rip new air holes into his frame. Anna stood wide eyed in shock, afraid to even move as she watched the mauling. 

"OUT!" an authoritative female voice barked. Candy Too ceased his assault of Randy, sitting down but still keeping an eye on Randy, a dripping snarl displaying an impressive set of pointed canine teeth. 

The authoritative female voice belonged to my ex-sister Lisa. The tall attractive blond with the scar on her face, was the housekeeper/cook/den mother, to both my brother and me, plus our brood. However, at the moment Lisa did not look like a housekeeper. It may have been the double barreled shotgun she held in her hands pointed at Randy. 

"Holy FUCK!" Randy exclaimed, looking up to point at Lisa, and telling Anna. "That bitch is CRAZY!" 

Lisa released the safeties off both triggers. "That's right Moose. Not only am I a crazy bitch, but an ex con with a documented mental illness to boot." She pointed the gun at Randy's crotch. "Don't move, because I am more than willing to trade time in the state rubber room; however, you will be singing soprano in the prison choir." Lisa motioned toward me "Tommy, call the police, and get ahold of your brother Vince. Let him know what is going on." 

As I pulled out my cell phone, Anna suddenly came to life. "NO Please! No Police! Please!" Anna was waving her hands. "Tommy! Lisa! Please! Just let Randy go! I can explain everything!" 

I shook my head. "Anna, that flabby steroid moose." I pointed at Randy. "Attacked me in my own home. Plus this not the first time that giant asshole and I have tangled." 

Anna grabbed my arm holding the cell phone. "Tommy, please! Don't do this for me or him" She pointed at Randy. "Do it for my son Carlos. Just let Randy go, please! I promise I can explain everything." 

Lisa did not lower the shotgun as she spoke to me. "Screw it Tommy, let that moose Randy go. We can have the police grab him later." I shrugged, than nodded. Lisa motioned with the gun toward the door at Randy. 

Randy got to his feet gingerly, holding up his hands. Eyeing me he spat. "Later old man." 

"Bit of advice Randy. Never pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he will just kill you and be done with it." 

++++ 

I was sitting at the kitchen table with Lisa. My brother Vince had arrived from work, and we had filled him in. He was making coffee. We were awaiting Anna, who had retreated to the bathroom after checking on a sleeping Carlos. 

"Lisa, where did that old cannon come from?" I said pointing at the shotgun in the corner. "That relic is so old you're lucky it did not go off and kill someone." 

"Not a chance." Lisa said with a grin. "There weren't any shells in the weapon, and the firing pins have been removed. You know how I feel about guns." 

I was still trying to come to grips with what happened. "What about the ole 'I never bluff Lisa'?" 

Lisa shrugged. "People can change, especially if they want to bad enough." 

She then sighed and pointed at the inert weapon. "I got that from Metro property after my...ah.. event ended. I keep it as a reminder of what people will do to protect their family." Lisa looked at my brother and her ex-husband Vince's back, before wistfully down at her nails. "And what people, especially me, should do to protect the family." 

My brother Vince and his ex-wife Lisa had a complicated arrangement. Lisa would remarry Vince in a heartbeat, but after her affair, Vince looked at Lisa as no more than the mother of his children. I do not mean to imply he treated her bad. Lisa was at our house every day, her old home, with both Vince and me paying her to be the domestic goddess for us and the kids. Lisa and Vince still slept together sometimes, I am not sure if it was lust, convenience, nostalgia or a combination of all three. I never saw or heard of Lisa dating. If she was not here, Lisa was taking classes at the local community college. Vince still went out with the ladies, but not as much as he could have. Lisa never said anything, but you could tell how hurt she was when Vince did an 'overnight'. 

Vince had just sat down at the table with four cups of coffee, we were passing around the milk and sugar when Carlos' mom Anna came into the room. 

Lisa pointed at a chair with a cup in front of it. "OK Anna, sit down and start talking. What the hell is going on?" 

Vince was stirring her coffee. "How in God's name is Randy involved in this?" 

Taking a sip of my brew I offered "Maybe the Nazi's weren't hiring so he was available." 

Both Vince and Lisa gave me a look as Anna sat down and took a deep breath. 

"Wallace, ah..my husband, has been gone almost two months. This is the first time we have been apart for so long." She stopped to compose herself and took a sip out of her cup. "I know after the county cut his position last year that my job at the supermarket wasn't enough. Wallace has just not been pulling his weight. He has a Doctorate in Marine Biology, for God's sake! Yet he was working at a mall aquarium pet store and cleaning pools." 

Anna got a look of disgust in her eyes. "What kind of man goes from a top leading researcher in the country to vacuuming scum from bottom of other people's pools?" 

I thought Lisa was going to leap across the table. "A REAL man you stupid twat!" she spat. "A father and husband that puts nothing before the welfare of his family." Lisa shook her head. "You fucked Randy, you dumb bitch didn't you." It was a statement not a question. 

Anna's mouth dropped open as Lisa continued. "You fucked that worthless, useless, good-for-shit Randy. And that, you stupid ass, is gonna fuck over your husband and the whole fucking family." 

Anna got defensive. "At least Randy OWNS his own business. He has to be doing well. Did you see that Mercedes CL he drove me here in?" 

Vince pushed his coffee cup forward before speaking. "Randy runs a low end third level debt collection agency, which is four phones in the rented rear of warehouse off MLK Street. The Mercedes is a repo he has not turned in yet." 

Lisa and I both stared at Vince, who looked down sheepishly into his coffee cup. "I..ah, been well..having.. sort of keeping tabs on that a-hole. Just to make sure he has not been bothering you after..well you know.." 

Lisa got tears in her eyes as she grasped Vince's hand. "Vince that is so sweet, I never..." 

"Fine, fine.." I broke in. "You two can get a room later." Pointing at Anna. "I don't give a crap about your fuck buddies. What happen to Carlos?" 

Anna bit her lip before answering. "I was just so lonely and Randy kept coming by the store. Going through my line, giving me compliments. Once even buying me flowers. Well that led to coffee, then drinks, then...well this afternoon we were in, a ah.. romantic position when Carlos came home unexpected.." 

Now the table exploded. "You screwed that dipshit in your own house? On your own bed?" 

"No!" Anna countered. "What kind of women do you thing I am! We used Carlos's room." 

I almost fell out of my chair. 

Anna tried to backpedal. "I was going to change the sheets! Clean the room! I swear it was the first time, a moment of stupidity after too many glasses of wine with lunch." 

I had never seen Vince or Lisa at a loss for words, but both were too stunned to speak. 

Anna closed her eyes. "Carlos walked in just as Randy was in the middle of an... uncomfortable event.." 

"BULLSHIT!" Lisa spat out. All eyes turned toward her. Lisa looked at Vince and me. "That dumb cunt just told us Randy was butt fucking her, but it was their first time having sex. Bullshit!" 

Lisa pointed at Anna. "There is no way any woman lets a guy get her ass first time in the sack. Even paid whores charge extra for anal. So Anna, how many times did you 'do' Randy? And hand jobs, blow jobs and finger banging do count!" 

Anna looked around like a cornered animal. 

I slammed my hand on the table. "Who gives a flying fuck if she screwed the 7th fleet during Superbowl halftime while being broadcast in High Def." I pointed at Anna. "What happen to Carlos!" 

Anna took a breath. "It's so..so..embarrassing. I never even saw Carlos until he rushed at Randy and started hitting him." She put her face in her hands. "It was a big mess, Randy and Carlos rolling around on the floor.." 

Vince and Lisa both jumped out of their chairs. "You let that son of a bitch lay hands on your child!" 

Anna started crying. "I was in shock. I finally pulled Randy off Carlos, but Carlos ran out of the room before I could throw something on and chase after him." 

Lisa walked to the sink and emptied her coffee into the sink. "Throw something on? You should have run buck naked into rush hour traffic on the highway after your son if that's what it took." She turned to face Anna. "What the hell were you thinking?" 

Anna struck back at Lisa. "You should talk!" 

Lisa did not flinch as she answered. "You are a cheating bitch. And yes, it takes one to know one." 

I thought I was going to vomit. "Anna, I notice you did not send Randy away. That muscle head drove you here. What, you just go back to bed and finish boinking?" 




Blood from a Turnip: Is Cheat Back?



"No I did not." Anna countered irritably, then after a pause. "But Randy tried to get me to." She let out a breath. "Like that was ever going to happen." 

I threw up my hands. "Yeah, having your son seeing his mother cheat on his father by being ass fucked, then getting beat up must really have taken the romance out of the air." I commented sarcastically. 

Anna tried to defend herself. "You don't understand. I tried his cell a million times. I was afraid to go out looking for him on the chance I would miss him if he returned. I was on the verge of a breakdown and in the process of calling 911 when Randy stopped me." 

Vince leaned back in his chair. "Oh, this should be good. I can't wait to hear what your love muscle said that was more important than finding your injured kid." 

Anna had the decency to blush. "Randy said the cops would take my son Carlos away, put him in social services. Arrest me for being a bad mother, endangering a child's welfare. Randy said Carlos just had his ego bruised; we could talk to him after Carlos cooled down." 

"There it is." Vince muttered. "Self-preservation, it's all about you. Again you were thinking only about how all this would affect you. Did Randy happen to mention how he would do time in the slammer for assaulting a minor?" 

Anna continued as if Vince had not spoken. "Randy claimed we could keep everything under wraps. Randy knew a guy who could get Carlos a used hot rod car, every new driver's dream. Maybe set Carlos up with some babes that owed Randy favors due to some debts." 

"So you were gonna bribe Carlos for his silence?" I asked. 

"More like Anna was getting payment for services rendered." Lisa commented. "So Anna, is that the price you charge? A used car and some pussy for your son. You have those terms listed on your whore website?" 

I was disgusted with the conversation and got up from the table. "Well Anna, tell Randy his vast medical experience needs updating. The damage his beat down put on Carlos was not to the boy's ego, but his arm." I picked up a folder from the counter and threw it on the table. "Your fuck buddy broke your son's arm. It's in a cast. Luckily he is young, and it'll heal quickly, hopefully in time for your next love meet." 

Anna ran to the sink, pushing Lisa out of the way, and started vomiting. After retching she rinsed out her mouth by cupping water with her hand. Turning around Anna supported herself before speaking. "I need to get Carlos home." 

"Anna that may not be best right now. How about we just let the boy rest." Vince offered. 

Anna stood straight up. "I am Carlos's mother! I will decide what is best for him." She seemed to deflate a bit. "Please." 

There was silence in the room, with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. 

"I ain't going home with you." 

All eyes turned toward the voice. Carlos stood in the kitchen doorway, bed hair sticking up, and his fresh cast still gleaming white. 

Anna took a step toward Carlos, opening her arms wide. "Oh my God, Baby. I am so sorry, let me look at.." 

Carlos interrupted Anna in a voice cold as ice. "Don't come near me!" 

Anna froze. "Oh Carlos, you need to come home now. I'll take care of you." 

Carlos raised his cast. "I've had enough of your 'care', thank you very much." 

Anna tried again. "Carlos, I just want you to come home so I can make sure you are all right. That's all I want." 

I saw Carlos roll his eyes. "Well Mom, I want to strike out the Lord Jesus Christ with bases loaded in the final inning during the seventh game of the World Series. Looks like neither of us is going to get what we want." 

Anna looked at the three of us adults in the room for support. I sure as hell was not going to back her up. 

Anna turned back toward Carlos and used that authoritative tone of voice every parent knows. "You listen YOUNG MAN, this is not up for debate. You are not staying here, but coming home with me this INSTANT. " 

Carlos fished into his pocket with his one good hand and came up with a cell phone. Flipping open his mobile, Carlos displayed the keypad to Anna. "Is that so, MOTHER? How about we call the police and get their opinion?" Anna's eyes widened as Carlos kept talking. "I heard what you said about social services and child endangerment. I may not be staying here, but I am NOT going back to your home. How much you wanna bet if the cops come, you won't be going back to your home either. I also bet you double or nothing my accommodations in some crappy juvie foster house is gonna be better than your jail cell." 

Anna slumped into a chair. "Carlos, please.." but Carlos continued as if she had not spoken. "If the cops make me go home, I'll just run away, and keep running away." 

My brother Vince came to Anna's rescue. "Look Anna, Carlos, this is a lot to absorb. Carlos you can stay here tonight. Its summer, so it's not like you have any classes. And my son and nephew will love to have a sleep over." He turned toward Carlos's mom Anna. "I'll make sure the boys do not spend all night playing 'Call of Duty 2'and get to bed at a decent hour." Vince helped Anna rise from the chair. "Come on Anna, I will give you a lift back to your house." 

++++ 

Well, Carlos stayed more than a night at our home. A three way debate was raging in our household. Vince was inclined to just call the authorities and be done with it. I wanted to wait until Carlos's dad Wallace, came home, and then call the authorities. This way Carlos would be in his father's care, not some social service bureaucratic maze. Lisa also wanted to await until Wallace's arrived from his voyage. However, Lisa felt we should let their family deal with it. Lisa's time in the slammer made her less inclined to throw another mother to that same fate. In my opinion, Anna deserved a spell in the graybar hotel. 

Carlos refused to see or even talk to Anna. She called several time a day, and the first few days showed up at the house, even bringing Carlos's favorite food. This stopped after a short while, as Carlos would flee out the back door at the sight of his mother's car. 

Anna eyes were filled with tears as she stood in our kitchen looking out our back porch at Carlos's back retreating into the distance. 

"Oh Tommy, can't you go get him?" She put a large foiled wrapped platter on our kitchen counter. "This is his favorite dessert." 

I shook my head. "Anna, your son is not a cat who got out of the house that you can lure back from the yard with some catnip. Carlos is an emotionally pissed off teenager, who even with a cast, can run like a god damn deer. Even if I wanted to, which I do not. The only way to catch him and bring him back would be with a tranquilizer gun." 

Anna took to calling several times a day, but Carlos refused to take the phone. Lisa handled most of these calls. I had to admire her patience since they always seemed to be the same. 

"Anna, no Carlos will not come to the phone, and I cannot make him." Lisa would say with her ear to the phone. 

"It is more than 'mistakes were made', Anna. You are going to need to tell your husband Wallace as soon as he returns home. It's not like you went to bed one night a loving wife and woke up in the morning a stupid cheat." Lisa rolled her eyes. 

"I don't care what Randy said. I cannot believe you are still talking with that steroid slimeball. It does not matter that you are not screwing him. Cut all contact immediately if you have half a brain. No I don't think much of Randy's suggestion that rocking Wallace's world in bed before you tell him is going to help. Think above the belt buckle Anna." 

There was a pause as Lisa screwed her face into a grimace. "There is no way you can keep this from your husband. There are three options available. You tell him, Carlos tells him or I will tell him." Another lengthy pause. "Anna if by some miracle you manage to bribe Carlos to keep quiet, I will tell Wallace anyway. If there was some way I could communicate with an underwater submarine I would do it right now." 

Lisa switched the phone to other ear and made a twirling sign with her finger. "Anna, this isn't a secret that you dented the car, or Carlos got a C- in math class you can hide from Wallace. Yes it might end you marriage, but the alternative is living a lie. It is Wallace's choice, and only he can make that call. You made your decision when you were banging Randy, now your husband gets to make his decision." 

Lisa made a sign of sticking her finger down her throat like she was going to gag. "OK Anna, I will let Carlos know you called, and you love him. I gotta go. Bye." 

Lisa put the phone back on the charger and sat down. "Jesus Christ Tommy, that woman is delusional. She wanted me to do a three way with her and Wallace, like I was some slut for hire. She figured a little sex would make everything alright." 

I was amused by this new twist. "What did you tell her Lisa?" 

Lisa gave me a look that could freeze ice. "'NO', is a complete sentence." 

I put a cup of coffee in front of Lisa. "Anna thinks she can live happily ever after like you?" 

Lisa spooned some sugar into her cup. "Of course, because my fairy tale life is based on a true story." 

"So Lisa, the family matriarch, what do you think is gonna happen with Carlos's family?" 

Lisa looked deep into her coffee for a moment." A writer, Sugna, once wrote that a husband might be hurt by cheating and divorce, but kids are often literally destroyed by it. Even without the divorce, cheating can wipe them out. What kids get from a parent who cheats is a large dose of shame. Shame, because half of them is that parent. Half of them is a traitor. They may believe that the cheater not only did not love their other parent, but also did not really love them." 

I sat down across from Lisa. "You think that is true for our broods?" 

Lisa looked sad. "I hope not. I was just lucky you and Vince let me be such a constant presence in the kid's lives. I pray I have been able to negate some of the damage I caused." 

I waved my hand. "You have more than earned your time. I appreciate your taking care of my boys after my ex-wife Brandy..ah um you know.." 

I had seen nor heard from my ex-wife Brandy after she got out of the joint and I refused to give her money. My boys still kept in touch with her via Facebook. But to them Brandy was not a mother, more like an abstract relative. Lisa was their mother figure they turned to; they called her 'Aunt Mom'. Last I heard Brandy was in Vegas working as a waitress and burning through a string of relationships, as well as collecting tattoos and piercings on her body. 

Lisa face got an angry look. "That bitch Brandy is the reas..." she stopped and stared down at her hands. 

I looked at her. 

She took a deep breath. "I was about to say that bitch Brandy is the reason I'm divorced and never know if I'll be sleeping here or in that rented apartment I keep my clothes at. " Lisa sat up straight. "But that is not true and me saying it a million times still will not make my current life anything but what my past choices made it. It was me, not Brandy and nothing but a time machine is going to change that." 

I was not sure what to say. "Lisa, at least you have tried to make the best of a bad situation. Brandy bailed on the marriage and her family. That counts for something in my eyes." 

"Thanks Tommy, but saying I am better at relationships than Brandy is like saying I am the world's tallest midget." 

"Well, it looks like you're gonna get another young cub to play den mother for," I said, motioning toward the video game noise coming from the bedroom where Frankie and our newest addition Carlos was staying. 

++++ 

"Son of a Bitch!" 

Vince and I were in the Metro Justice Building when he uttered that phrase. 

We were there to support Wallace, who with his son Carlos, had been staying with us the past few months. We were about to enter the room used by the Family court for Wallace's divorce proceedings. 

"The Honorable Judge Reynolds" I said, tracing my finger on the nameplate and reading the sign. "I am getting PTSD flashbacks. How is that old prick still alive, let along still in a courtroom?" 

Vince shook his head. "Wallace is going to get screwed to the floorboards." 

I looked around for Wallace and his 'shark'. "That prick judge Reynolds handled my divorce a long time ago and he was a senile doddering old man then." Vince nodded at the memory as I continued. "Judge Reynolds ignores the state rules and just makes up shit as he goes along. Alimony and child support are supposed to be on after tax income and not exceed 25% even at that. The old bastard chopped it up so I barely had 25% of my money left after taxes with all the payments, alimony and crap." 

"Let's not forget Tommy what happened when you tried to challenge his rulings." 

It was tough for me not to spit at that particular memory. "Fucking Reynolds threw my ass in the clink. No lawyer, no appeal, no hearings, nothing. Family Court is a civil matter so habeas corpus and due process don't mean shit. The other courts wouldn't even rule on that asshole. I swear Reynolds must have pictures of all of those other judges fucking sheep in church. They let him run Family court like his own private little kingdom." 

Vince was also scanning the crowd for Wallace. "The old crockpot is stuck in the 1950's. Never met a female who was not a 'poor woman' or the 'fairer sex' that needed protection as they can do no wrong." 

I agreed. "If he starts that spiel about how he is not a divorce judge but a family healer, I think I am going to hurl." 

Unfortunately, about an hour later we were seated on a bench in Judge Reynolds' court and I was trying to keep my breakfast from coming up and splattering the couple in front of me. I feared it was a losing battle as we listened to the prick in a robe, who looked as old as Yoda of Star Wars fame, prattle on. 

"..now in my court I do not see myself as a mere Judge deciding who gets the silverware and gravy boat. I feel it is my God given mission to keep families together." Judge Reynolds looked at Wallace. "Young man, I have been at this a long time, and you have not really given me sufficient reason to dissolve this marriage. In my experience marriage is like a garden, and you must tend to your wife no matter what her circumstances or wanderings..." 

I leaned over and whispered to Vince. "I thought marriage was more like a deck of cards, in the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and a spade." 

Vince coughed to suppress a laugh as the judge continued his sermon. 

"..I see your latest income has not met your earning potential. If you continue with this divorce action you will need to find a way to meet the financial obligations I am going to impose. Otherwise you will enjoy the hospitality of my jail until you find the funds." 

We saw Judge Reynolds take off his glasses. "But young man, this is your lucky day and I am feeling generous. I am ordering 6 months of marriage counseling at a minimum of three times a week, with an advisor of your wife's choosing. As head of the household and traditional breadwinner you will be responsible for the costs. That should set you two on the right path." 

Wallace's lawyer stood up. "Your Honor, my client appreciates your concern, and taking the time to expand on your wisdom and years of experience in the repair of matrimonial associations. However, he feels it would be a waste of the courts' time to pursue restoration of their relationship. We ask you to rule on the issues before you that both parties have unable to agree on." 

Judge Wallace pointed at Anna. "Is that what you want also?" 

Anna's' attorney jumped up. "No Your Honor. My client wants her husband back, and feels with time and work they can rekindle the romance and lost trust the..ah, unfortunate misunderstandings may have accidently caused." 

The Judge put back on his glasses. "There you have it. I so order. Six months of marriage counseling at a minimum of three times a week with an advisor of the wife's choosing. The husband will be responsible for the costs, and the court advised with weekly reports as to status of said marriage counseling sessions. Any questions?" 

Wallace was speaking to his lawyer in a whisper. The attorney shrugged than addressed the Judge. "Your Honor, my client respectively declines to attend or remit payment for any marriage counseling sessions." 

Judge Reynolds looked surprised. "Is that so? Well young man you are not he first to challenge my authority, nor will you be the first to rethink your life choices in my jail." He pointed to an elderly Metro Police officer in the corner, then to Wallace. "I find you in contempt of my court, and order you jailed for a period of 48 hours. Officer please take this man to holding." 

The Judge held up his gavel. "We will see how your attitude adjusts in 48 hours. If you do not get your mind right, we will try 72 more hours as a county uncomfortable guest." 

I cursed, and felt sick to my stomach, it was like a flashback; I had been in Wallace's exact shoes, even in that same chair. 

Vince leaned over to me. "Deja Moo." He said in a low voice. "I've seen all this bull before." 

But before Judge Reynolds could bang his gavel, a tall well-groomed man that looked like he stepped out of Hollywood central casting stood up from the middle of the sparse audience. 

"Your Honor. If I may address the court please." 

Judge Reynolds peered out at the man. "I do not appreciate disruptions in my courtroom. This better be good, or you are going to join this young person in a cell." 

"Thank you, your Honor. I am the Federal District Attorney responsible for this area and have information that concerns this case." 

Reynolds did not look happy. "Fine, approach the bench, but be quick about it. I have a schedule to keep." 

The Fed strode swiftly to the front of the room and handed the court bailiff a thick pile of papers. "As you will see your Honor I have a writ from the federal district court that requires that man, " he pointed at Wallace. "be made available on an 'as needed' basis, for a government project of great importance." 

Reynolds scanned the papers quickly before casting them aside. "This is my courtroom young man. My word is the law here. I do not see what concern this is of my brethren in the Federal Judiciary." 

The Fed paused a moment. "I understand your Honor. But as you can see that writ prevents incarceration, except in cases of criminal conduct. In that case the Federal Government reserves the right to determine the correction facility." He looked over at Wallace, then back to the judge. "This state classifies divorce as a family matter under the jurisdiction of the Civil Court. Clearly spelled out in the writ, is a portion which specifically prevents imprisonment for any Civil Offense." 

Judge Reynolds was getting red in the face. "Step lightly Counseler! I am not above having you held in Contempt of Court." 

The Fed paused again before speaking. "I am sorry about that, your Honor. I meant no disrespect to you or the court. However, if you take action in violation of that writ in your possession, I am regretfully going to be forced to charge you with a Federal Offense and have you taken into custody." 

Reynolds banged down his gavel. "That's it! You have exhausted my patience." He turned to the Metro Courtroom Officer. "Place them both under arrest. I'll be down later to sign the paperwork." 

The Fed let out a sigh, and motioned to several burly men in the audience that had windbreakers with 'US MARSHAL' in yellow on their backs. "I am sorry to do this your Honor. Marshalls, please remove the Judge and have him detained." 

I saw the stenographer bolt from the room, as the big men filed silently out of the seated rows, moving purposefully toward the raised court dais and the seated Judge Reynolds. 




Blood from a Turnip: Is Cheat Back?



Reynolds' face was so flushed I thought he was going to stroke out as he screamed at the Metro Courtroom Officer. "ARREST THEM! ARREST THEM ALL!" 

"Um.. your Honor.." The Metro Courtroom Officer stuttered. 

The Fed looked kindly at the old Metro Courtroom Officer. "Officer, please don't move, or you will also be charged and taken into custody." 

When the Marshalls reached Reynolds, he was standing up on his chair, bare sandaled feet showing under his black robes and spittle flying from his face as he yelled. 'This is my court! You are all in Contempt! All of you! All of you will not escape detention!" 

While the rest of the courtroom sat stunned, I wanted to jump up and lead a cheer. Suddenly both old oak doors in the back of the Courtroom opened, and it looked as if every Judge in the County rolled in like a black robed tide. 

++++ 

We had been given the bums rush out that morning. The next day found us in the same seats, same room. The only difference was Lisa had joined us, and a young blond female, who looked like she could be my son's high school classmate was in a black robe on the dais. 

I had a bit of a hangover, as yesterday an impromptu celebration had broken out in a bar across the street from the courthouse. Most of the attorneys were buying rounds of drinks, with Court Clerks, Cops and Attorneys all trying to outdo each other with the most outrageous Judge Reynolds' stories. 

My head was still pounding when Vince leaned in, speaking in a low voice so both Lisa and I could hear him. "One of the court clerks in the cafeteria said they had to yank this judge out of Traffic Court to handle the Family Court. Seems Family Court is the proctology of courtrooms for a judge. No wonder no judge ever tried to bounce Judge Reynolds out of his throne." 

"Traffic Court?" Lisa asked looking at the young judge "She does not look old enough to have a driver's license." 

The blond female judge tapped the gavel calling the room to order and addressed the people in the room. "Judge Reynolds retired yesterday after a long and distinguished career on the bench." A titter of laughter swept the courtroom. The young Judge grinned to acknowledge the obvious. "I will be presiding over the case where he left off." 

We sat fidgeting as Anna and Wallace's lawyers huddled with the Judge at the dais out of earshot. As they stepped back to their respective benches I thought "Let the games begin." 

The Judge looked at both parties before speaking. "As always it comes down to money." She shuffled some papers in front of her. "I see you both have about equal amounts in the your retirement accounts after a withdrawal last year by the husband.." 

Wallace's Lawyer offered. "That was to starve off a house foreclosure by my client after he was laid off last year your Honor." 

The Judge nodded without looking up. "As the two salaries are about equal and not much is left in the bank accounts, there will not be alimony on either side." She looked at Anna. "I understand you claim your husband is hiding funds?" 

Anna's attorney stood up. "Yes, your Honor. The husband completed a lucrative contact with the US government some months ago. That money should be part of the marital assets." 

"That is not true, your Honor." Wallace's attorney countered. "My clients was subcontracted by a foreign company who required him to open a bank account in that country for funds to be deposited on the completion of his contract." 

The young judge made a hand motion for the attorney to speed it up. 

Wallace's lawyer handed some papers to the Bailiff to give to the Judge. 

"As you can see current law does not count income earned outside the country as taxable or reportable until brought to these shores." 

The Judge furrowed her brow. "I thought that was only for corporations?" 

"Yes, your Honor, that is true. As you can see my client has a corporation in the same country as his contact required." 

Anna's attorney jumped up. "Your Honor! This is an obvious attempt by the husband to keep funds due my client, not to mention the tax man." 

Wallace's attorney shook his head. "Not at all, your Honor. My clients has every intention of paying his fair share of tax. As far as keeping money out of this country? My client is just following in the business practice of U.S. companies such as Microsoft, Apple, Google, Boeing, and General Electric, each whom last year had over $10 Billion overseas they have not brought into this country nor paid U.S. tax on." 

"No wonder everyone hates the IRS." The blond Judge muttered. 

The lawyer for Wallace answered. "Actually, it is the Congress who makes the tax laws. However, my client's soon to be estranged spouse is free to file for compensation in the same country as the accounts reside in." 

To me the judge looked skeptical as she shuffled papers in front of her. 

Wallace's attorney must have had the same thoughts as he added. "This is not uncommon, your Honor. The most visible case in recent times was GE Exec Jack Welch. It was ruled any funds Mr. Welsh had in GE not yet brought to the US for taxation were not part of the couple assets that could be disbursed by the US court system." 

Anna stood up. "That money was to go to pay off the bank for our house!" she cried. "This is not FAIR!" 

The Judge just shrugged. "Please ask your client to sit down." Then she addressed Anna. "If you feel the tax law is unfair you can always write your Congressman." 

The Judged looked at her notes. "This brings us to the next issue, the house. I see notice from the bank that they are starting foreclosure proceedings. While sad, this makes it an easy call. If and when the bank seizes your property, each party will share equally in the financial and tax consequences of that action." 

Removing her classes the young Judge rubbed her nose before speaking. "Now the last issue, which is child custody. I see the minor son is living with his father outside the house." 

"Yes, Your Honor." Wallace's lawyer said standing up. "He shares a room with two of his classmates in a stable household that includes two other estranged fathers, one which is his High School Coach." 

"Sounds like a real boys club," the judge commented. 

The attorney pointed to Lisa. "Well your Honor, one of the boys' mother provides domestic service and does the cooking to make sure a females touch is present." 

The Judge looked at Lisa and nodded. "It's good to see an older mature lady in that man cave to provide a stable women's influence." 

Lisa forced a smile, but hissed under her breath. "Who does Miss Teenage Perky Tits think she is to be calling me old?" 

The Judge looked at Anna and held up some papers. Your spouse has cited adultery as the catalyst for the dissolution of your relationship, and provided documentation, which you have not contested. While this is not an overriding factor, I would be lying if I did not take this into consideration when ruling on child custody." 

The Judge now turned toward Wallace. "The state guidelines are very much in favor of the mother getting physical custody, as well as being the custodial parent with the father given liberal visitation rights." 

I saw Wallace slump down in his chair as she continued. "Also the fact you may leave again for work, a task that keeps you out of communication for an undetermined time, makes me look in favor of following the state recommendations." 

My body started to tense. I just knew the big screw was coming to Wallace. 

Suddenly a man who was short, overweight and balding sitting near the courtroom doors stood up. "YOUR HONOR! I am sorry to disturb the court, but may I have a moment to speak with you? It concerns this matter." 

The Judge looked out at the portly gentlemen in an ill-fitting suitcoat and tie. "You are not with the Federal Government too, are you?" 

A wave of laughter swept the courtroom. The heavyset man joined in, chuckling. "No sir..ma'am ..I mean your Honor." 

Shaking her head, the Judged waved her arm. "Come on down, even with this circus, I doubt you can upstage yesterday's fireworks." 

As the man waddled down the aisle he made eye contact with Vince. They both nodded curtly to each other. I looked at Lisa who also had a puzzled look on her face. 

When he reached the bench there was a flurry of papers being passed around. You could see the look of surprise on everyone's faces. 

The big man in ill-fitting clothes started speaking. "As you can see your Honor, any concerns about the custody of the minor in question is no longer relevant. The young man has been declared an emancipated minor by the courts. Thus he has all the rights and responsibilities due any adult. With the exception of voting and drinking, their son can now own property, has to pay taxes and is no longer their legal obligation. He can choose to live with either parent or neither parent. 

The Judge looked at both Anna and Wallace. "Why is this only being brought up now?" 

Again the big man answered. "Neither of these parties were involved in the filing, your Honor. I just got the ruling this morning. It has been going through the system for some time, but as your Honor understands, our legal system is not known for its speed and efficiency." 

"I guess we are done here." The Judge tapped her gavel. "Get a copy of your court papers from the clerk, an official copy will be mailed to you. Next case please." 

Both Lisa and I were looking at Vince who had cat-that-ate-the-canary look on his face. 

"What?" Vince said, "Carlos and I can't shoot for the moon? Even if we missed we'd still be among the stars." 

I shook my head. "Or reenter the earth's atmosphere and die a fiery death in a crash upon reentry." 

++++ 

Even before the courtroom proceedings of Anna and Wallace, it seemed like Wallace and his son Carlos had always been in the house. Wallace's financial contribution to the household we passed onto Lisa, but she always ended up buying something for the house or the boys. We had to force her to purchase something just for herself. 

Carlos and the two boys were thick as thieves. Lisa put up with the antics that are common when the number of teenage boys exceeds one, and she never seemed to get flustered. That is why I was surprised at how upset she was a week after the finalization of Wallace's divorce. 

"Tommy, the police were here today," Lisa said. 

"I bet I can guess why," I replied. 

"This is not funny Tommy. Why did you file a complaint against Randy?" 

"Lisa, no man assaults me in my house and just walks away." 

"Dammit Tommy, you know darn well Randy got his ass chewed, literally. You did not even get your hair messed up." 

I gave Lisa a look. "Are you defending that asshole?" 

Lisa got a shocked expression on her face. "God no! But I just do not want any connection to him, or he to this household. After my interview Metro Police told me they are issuing a warrant for Randy's arrest." 

"Well, someone who commits assault should be arrested, Lisa." 

"Do you think that was a wise decision Tommy?" 

"Lisa listen, if Randy weren't as dumb as dirt, he'd still cover about an acre." 

Lisa was not amused. "Please Tommy, I'm just concerned something will happen. It's not as if we have a lot of firearms and a backhoe." 

++++ 

Days later, I was picking up the kicking tee after Junior Varsity football practice. 'JV' is for high school freshmen and sophomores to get experience before future years on the Varsity football squad, or juniors who did not have the size or skill to make the varsity team. The JV coaching position was a voluntary spot, not very glamorous, and the program got the hand-me-down equipment and used gear the Varsity squad could spare. School budget cuts had made me sometimes dig into my own. However, I felt this was a small price to pay for being involved in my son's and nephew's sporting activities. 

I was so concerned with my task I did not notice the man's presence until I heard the sound of cracking knuckles. To say I was surprised to see the hulking figure of Randy in front of me would be an understatement. 

"Time for payback, you little asshole." Randy said swinging his arms. "I gotta leave town because of your bitch squealing." 

I looked around. The locker room was on the other side of the field, and Randy was between me and the locker room. 

Randy saw my glances. "Nowhere to run you little pussy, and no fucking devil dogs to save your punk ass this time. You going to take this beating all by yourself finally." 

He lunged at me, moving fast for a man of his bulk. Fortunately I had on cleats, and was able to dodge Randy's grasp as he slipped on the turf. 

I sprinted for the nearest sideline with Randy in pursuit. Reaching a jumble of equipment I could hear his labored breathing behind me as I dug frantically into a large mesh bag. 

Now professional NFL quarterbacks can throw a football at speeds that get up into the 50 MPH range. I was certainly no NFL quarterback, but I did have a strong arm that could wing a hell of a spiral. 

The first football I threw caught Randy dead square in the face. As he raised his hands to shelter his bloody nose, I fired off a salvo at his groin and then any other body parts of opportunity. 

Randy may have been dumb, but he was tough. I was soon out of footballs, but Randy shook his head and got up from the ground. "That you best you got, mini prick?" and he lunged at me again, his arms outstretched. 

"AHHHHH!" Randy screamed in pain grabbing his hand. 

Years ago, one of my teams had given me the gift of an 'old school' whistle. This was not some shiny plastic noisemaker, but a heavy hunk of polished chromed steel with a long sturdy real leather strap. This hefty relic could be heard clear across three football fields. I twirled the dense whistle on its strap in a spinning arc and brought the projectile smashing down onto Randy's other hand. 

Keeping out of reach, I danced around Randy pummeling him with the whistle. But he had a thick layer of fat over his muscle. Even my best shots seemed to only emit a grunt when they struck him. I admit my aim was not the best and I was unable to strike bone like with the first two hand hits. 

Randy covered his head with his arms and charged me. Backing up, my cleats got tangled in the mesh ball bag. I fell to the ground with Randy atop me. My head and arm hit the edge of a bench. I heard a 'crack' and everything went dark. 

++++ 

I opened my eyes and saw my nephew's face inches from my face filling my vision. 

"Hey Frankie! Your Dad's awake!" he shouted in my ear. 

I spied my son sprawled out in a hospital chair eating a pudding cup. I looked around and saw a standard issue hospital room, noting various monitors hooked up to my body. Also, a white cast was on my left arm. 

A hospital food tray was on a moveable dolly. The remains of a mystery meat were still on the plate, but everything else was gone. 

"Um, hi Dad." Frankie said, putting the spoon back into the empty pudding cup. "How are you feeling?" He looked at his cousin then at the empty food tray. "We, ah figured you would not feel like eating when you woke up." 

My nephew gave a guilty nod. "Yeah Uncle Tommy, they were gonna throw the food away. Me and Frankie didn't want it to go to waste." 

I could only shake my head. Teenagers are a bottomless pit when it comes to food. "That's fine boys. You guys still hungry?" A redundant questions; teen boys are always hungry. 

Both boys shook their heads. I looked at Frankie. "How did I get here?" I lifted my plaster wing. "What happened?" 

My nephew opened the Ipad he and Frankie had pooled their summer lawn mowing money to purchase. "Frankie saw you fighting that Godzilla and ran into the locker room to get reinforcements." 

He fussed with some settings, "Let me show you." He slid some of the display's windows around. "The AV teacher helped me transfer some of the security camera tape to my Ipad." 

The screen showed a wide shot of the football field. You could make out when about at the same time Randy took me down, the double doors to the locker room flew open. Two dozen youths came running out, sprinting toward Randy and me. Some of the boys were still in practice uniforms and helmets, other were shirtless, a few only clad in jockstraps or shorts. 

Frankie bounded onto the side of the bed. "It was AWESOME Dad! You can't hear the sound, but we were all yelling 'FALCONS!' and 'COACH TOMMY!', at the top of our lungs." 

I could not hear any audio, but Randy must have heard it, as on screen he jumped off of my prone figure and tried to run away. 

The mob of teens closed the gap in an instant. You ever see on National Geographic were a bunch of cheetahs take down a water buffalo on the African plains? This video was similar, but without the editing. 

JV team co-captains Rodriguez and Washington reached Randy first. I felt a source of pride as they took Randy down just as they had been taught to tackle a bigger opponent. Rodriguez went low, cutting Randy off below the knees; Washington hit Randy higher, barreling full bore into Randy's solar plexus. 

Even without the audio, you could almost feel a concussion from the bone crushing double hit. If Randy had been holding a football, this would have been a fumble for sure. 

The rest of the team piled on. Several pulled off their helmets and started beating what you could see of Randy under the mass of football players. It was a real true team effort. 

"Oh My God!" I said, shocked at the action on the screen. 

"Wait" exclaimed Frankie, pointing at the Ipad. "That's not all. There's more!" 

Suddenly onscreen a bunch of Minivans and SUVs appeared as they came roaring across the parking lot and drove right up to the scrum, not even stopping as they slammed through the chain link fence. From the lead minivan out popped Mrs. Rodriguez. A Hispanic female who can most charitably be described as 4x4. Mrs. Rodriguez was swinging her purse like Thor's hammer, a purse I know weighted a metric ton, as she waded into the fray. 

Right behind her bailing out of an SUV was Mrs. Washington, an Amazon sized black lady, who put the 'B' in BBW. Ms. Washington was not fooling around and wielded a tire iron like she knew how to use it. I recognized some of the other ladies as they jumped out of various vehicles and piled into the fracas. 

The screen froze, my nephew closing the protective cover on their Ipad. "That's all we got." He looked at Frankie. "I told you we should have gotten more memory." 

Addressing me again he said. "You just missed when the cops came. Uncle Tommy. They ruined everything." 

"Yeah Dad. " Frankie chimed in and then repeated one of their video game phrases. "But not before we kicked his ass and took his gas." 

My nephew showed me a bump on the back of his head. "Mrs. Rodriguez whacked me with that big ole purse of hers. She said it was an accident, but I think she is still mad about me playing linebacker and her son having to settle for the safety position." 

Lisa appeared at the door. "Okay boys, get out of here." She pointed at me. "The patient needs his rest. You guys go wait in the lobby, Vince will take you home." 

After a chorus of protest the teens sullenly walked out of the room. 

Lisa had a bag with some clothes she threw onto the bed. Holding up a folder she said, "Docs signed off on you going home. A nurse is going to get you unhooked and transport is on the way with a wheelchair to bring you down. You have a clean break, but the cast is going to be on between six and eight weeks. You got to keep it dry." 

Swinging my legs over the bed I quizzed Lisa. "Don't they wanna keep me for observation or anything?" 

Lisa shook her head. "Nope. I guess your insurance is not THAT good." She reached into her purse. "They said to keep an eye on you, and come back if you don't behave normally. Since you never behave normally, it's going to be hard to tell." 




Blood from a Turnip: Is Cheat Back?



As I put on a shirt I asked, "What happened to that moose Randy? Didn't look like he did so well." 

Lisa smirked. "Why don't you ask him yourself? He is right down the hall." She laughed seeing the look on my face. "Don't worry Tommy, he is in police custody handcuffed to the bed. Even if Randy could move, with all his broken bones, the only place he is going is up the river. You know, to the states' correctional Institution." 

"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy" I muttered, pointing at my cast. 

Lisa waved some slips of paper at me. "Don't be such a baby, Tommy. I got half a dozen phone numbers from ladies here at the hospital." She picked out a slip, chuckling. "Plus one guy, all volunteering to come to the house and give you sponge baths," 

++++ 

Some years have gone by since that day. (I do admit to taking advantage of some of the sponge bath offers-but only the females!) 

Ole 'Coach Tommy' has grayer hair and is thicker around the waist now, but that does not seem to have stopped the ladies. In fact I seem to have more date offers as I get up in years. 

The NR-1 Nuclear submarine was decommissioned and parts of Wallace's work were declassified. It had something to do with tracking submarines by examining tiny changes in ocean bottom sea life other subs had passed over. Apparently this was a big deal in marine biology circles, as it landed Wallace a Department Chair at one of the country's leading Universities. We still see Wallace when he comes into town to visit his grandson. 

Both my boys and nephews are long gone from the house, but close by with families and careers of their own. Vince and I continue to live in the same house and Lisa is still around. I could not understand why Lisa just did not just move in. She spends most of her time here anyway. Lisa and Vince had not remarried, but Vince rarely dated anyone anymore, and I know Lisa never did. I guess their relationship has evolved to a level of 'friends with benefits'. 

Today, I marveled as Lisa and Vince hefted countless bags onto the kitchen tabletop. Our latest Doberman rescue, a red female named 'Tri Candy', whined as she anticipated doggie treats in one of the mounds of packages. 

"My God Lisa." I said surveying the myriad of boxes and bags covering the tabletop and overflowing onto the floor. "We are only babysitting the twins for the weekend. Not adopting them and their whole preschool class!" 

Vince put up his hands, in the universal male sign of surrender all guys make when shopping with a female. 

"Oh hush you." Lisa replied. "Or else I won't let The Great Uncle Tommy teach the toddlers how to kick a curveball into the hoop." 

Vince and I groaned. Because Lisa, despite years of being at almost all her sons' and nephews games plus a former volleyball star, never had really picked up on the various sports and their rules. 

"Tommy, guess who I saw today?" Lisa said breaking into my thoughts. 

"The Pope buying socks at Walmart?" I ventured. 

Lisa threw a box of baby wipes at me. "No, it was Anna, Carlos' mother. She wanted to see pictures of her grandson's baptism." 

Oddly enough this type of 'meeting' was not uncommon, but very sad. In all the time since his 'fractured arm event', Carlos had never ever spoken or had any contact with his mother. Every card, letter or package Anna sent to Carlos's home or work was returned back unopened. Any gift Anna bought for her grandchild was instantly donated to the local hospital charity. If Anna was in any location and Carlos saw her, he would bundle up the family and depart immediately. Anna was left to stalking her only child and his family with her grandson from afar. 

"Yeah, Anna cornered me in the drugstore last week about that," I said breaking open a box of dog biscuits and having Tri Candy go through her tricks. "Anna thought since I was her grandkid's Godfather I would have more pictures." 

"She make you an offer you couldn't refuse?" Vince asked, repeating the old classic Marlon Brando movie line. 

"Hardly," I said shaking Tri Candy's paw. "Anna always has that haunted guilty look. It's almost tragic." 

"I wonder what it will take for Carlos to let his mom back into his life," Lisa mused. "Just holding her grandson would be heaven for Anna." 

I petted Tri Candy on her head. "I think BB King said it best. 'Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but no one wants to die to get there'." 

++++ 

If you got this far, thanks for reading. The NR-1 "Nerwin' was a vessel both loved and hated by its various crews. NR-1 was built by Admiral Rickover using budgetary sleight of hand in 1969. Her time undersea crawling on the deep ocean floor was limited only by the amount of solid human waste its crew produced. Unmatched, even by today's vessels, she was scrapped in 2008. Some parts are on display at the Navy Museum in Groton, Connecticut. 

Judge Reynolds in "Turnips" is based on a current elderly judge, still sitting on the bench. He was famous for giving child custody to a drunk mother, who had passed out in his courtroom. Attorneys repping the mothers, fight to get on his docket. Lawyers for Dads, delay and do everything they can to avoid his court. Sad but true. 

Several local judges, accustomed to running their own little fiefdoms, have been incarcerated by the Feds after defying edicts concerning government witnesses in WITSEC or other government programs. This is according to a book by an unnamed retired US Marshall, detailing his long years in the service. 

Shielding assets from a spouse in an overseas corp. was upheld in former GE Exec Jack Welch divorce case when it was ruled any funds Mr. Welsh had in GE not yet brought to the US for taxation were not part of the couple assets that could be disbursed by the US court system. 

And thanks to the anonymous poster whose comment on my story 'BURN', gave me the idea for this tale.



Blood from a Turnip



"Huh?" Randy looked confused then a light bulb went on in his head "Ah dudeman I get it-Look Lisa told me you were cool with this"

"Well I am not and I would appreciate you leaving now"

"Look dude I am sorry you and Lisa have a disagreement, but that is like between you and her. Me and Lisa got an agreement, you know an arrangement, and I am hanging right here until she tells me different"

"Well Randy my name is the only one on the house title, so unless you want me to call the police..." I grabbed at Randy's arm it was like gripping a tree limb. "It is time to leave"

Randy yanked away his arm. Just then Lisa came down the stairs.

"Vince stop that right now. Randy would you please wait in your car. I will be right out"

Randy waited a second but walked out the door "Later man"

Lisa faced me. "Now Vince I am sorry you are upset and I see this is not going as planned" Lisa took a deep breath "We talked about this and I thought you would be more understanding" Lisa held up a finger and pointed at me. "How is this-if you are still up when I get home I will give you a bedroom session you will not forget. You can even do my ass –I know you like that"

"Sloppy seconds-no thank you" I muttered, I felt like I was about to have a heart attack "Lisa what have I ever done or said that would make you think I would be alright with this? " My voice was tight and Lisa could see I was pissed.

"Fine" Lisa said throwing up her hands "Vince you win. -Let me go out this one time and you will see it changes nothing. But if after I return from this date and tomorrow you are still upset- I won't go out again until we talk about it some more"

I stood up and walked in front of the door trying not to stroke out. "Lisa this is my offer. You stop this BS. Go back upstairs and we will see a doctor and therapist first thing tomorrow morning. But you walk out that door - we will be done. Over. History. Your choice- your children and I" I pointed out the door. "Or that"

"Oh do not be so dramatic" Lisa picked up her purse "You love me and the kids too much. I also know you do not want to live like your brother." Lisa checked herself out in the hall mirror "Besides I do not even know if anything is going happen tonight. Even if it does -Randy is clean –but I will make him wear a condom regardless-there are you happy now?"

"No I am not happy now by any stretch, and you will not be in the future if you leave out the door. But Lisa you are partly right. I do love my kids, and I will not live like my brother. But you walk out that door and my love for you goes out the door too."

Lisa walked past me opened the door and turned back to me. "You know Randy told me he had a cute coed he knows that has "Daddy issues" and I was going to hook you up with her. But if you are going to be this way –forget it." Lisa took a step out the door "The kids are in bed and what is left of dinner is in the microwave. You have my cell if there is an emergency" With that she was gone and the door closed behind her.

I sat down and willed my pulse to stop racing while I tried to think. This was surreal-this could not be happening!

I finally snapped out of it and went thru options in my mind. I was surprised that my love for Lisa had evaporated. It was said you cannot turn off love, or the love would turn to hate. But I felt nothing for her now-not love , nor hate..just nothing. My main feeling was fear. Fear of losing my children. For a brief second I considered letting Lisa's actions slide-that way I could keep my family. Instantly I knew I could not tolerate Lisa going out with another guy or guys.-it just was not in my DNA.

This was not the Lisa I married, I do not know who she was but I did not love that person. Fear of losing my children filled my mind and pushed out all other thought. I kept seeing the future like my brother fighting for every second with my sons. Missing out on key times in their lives. I ran thru a dozen options from violent action to complicated plans. All ended with me in jail or Lisa getting the kids. Everything led to the same conclusion in a divorce I was going to get screwed and lose seeing my boys. Lisa had really boxed me in.

Then a bizarre idea came to mind. It was the path I decided to take –because the action was so out there and so out of character it would blow the circuit fuses in the person's brain that Lisa had become.

First I checked on the boys. They were sound asleep. I climbed down the steps and stood in front of the hallway mirror.

"This is going to hurt" I muttered to myself. Then reminded myself it was for my boys.

Three minutes later I was done. My shirt was ripped and I had scratches on my chest and face. My nose was bloody and the lip was bleeding. One eye was swelling and be soon be black & blue. Best was my forehead, I had smashed my forehead against mirror shattering the mirror with a big spider web. My forehead was bleeding like a stuck pig. I knew from my days as a wrestling gofer years ago the forehead bleeds a lot-but had no real damage. I had been careful not to bruise my knuckles while punching myself.

"911 what is your emergency"

" 911" I said into the phone "I need help. My wife and her boyfriend assaulted me. My children are in the house and I am afraid they are coming back"

"Sir I have your address and I will have a patrol car on the way now. Can you secure the location? Do you feel in danger?" the 911 operator asked

"Damn right I feel in danger. Please tell the police to hurry" I texted my brother Tommy on my cell to come ASAP as I spoke on the house phone "I can lock the doors –but I do not know when they are coming back

"Do you need medical attention? Did you lose consciousness?"

"Yes I need an ambulance" Might as well make it good "I must have been knocked out because I do not remember anything except my wife and that guy hitting me and I think I got kicked a few times.

"OK sir, Help is on the way. Try to remain calm and stay on the line"

My brother must have been in the area as Tommy got there first. He was stunned but I said I would answer his questions later –now I needed him to watch the boys and take pictures of my injuries. Tommy was snapping pictures with both his cell phone and my digital camera when the police and ambulance arrived. Candy was not happy about the commotion and Tommy had to put the dog in the boy's room-who were still fast asleep. 

-------------------------------------------------

It was around 3:30in the morning as I got out of the cab in front of my once happy home. The doc had patched me up at the hospital and a sympathetic detective had taken my statement. What the hell?" I thought as I looked at the front of my house. There were tire tracks all over the lawn, the bushes were trampled and the front porch railing was hanging askew. A local metro Police car was in the driveway. I opened the front door and Candy welcomed me by trying to give me a series of licks while wagging his stubby tail a mile a minute. As I petted Candy I heard my brother Tommy yell "Vince-we're here in the kitchen" As I entered the kitchen with Candy faithfully following, I saw a small female cop was sitting at the table talking on a cell phone and writing something in a notebook. What shocked me was Tommy.

Tommy was holding an ice pack to his right eye, the corner of his lip was split and Tommy had cotton swabs stuck up one nostril. His clothes were tore in several places and Tommy was missing a shoe. Tommy saw me staring and gave a lopsided grin. "What you looking at Vince? You missed all the fun" Tommy moved his ice pack " You wanna trade bandages? I hope I don't look as bad as you"

I was finally able to stutter out "Tommy what the F did you do?"

Tommy leaned back in the chair "You missed quite a night, It started out with the officer here" Tommy pointed a finger at the female officer still talking on the phone who waved in my direction "Telling me all about your wife and ....err..boy toys assault. We were sitting here drinking coffee awaiting Lisa to come home before all hell broke loose." Tommy petted Candy on his huge head. "The Officer told me in domestic disputes where there is violence –for any reason-one person goes to jail for 24 hours. A cooling down period so to speak"

Tommy took off his ice pack and laid it on the table.

"Well at about 2AM Lisa came home and was met at the door by the Officer and.. well.. Lisa had her boy toy Moose with her-he is a big boy"

"Randy is his name" I muttered

"Ya sure and old Moose had another guy with him" continued Tommy "Anyway after the Officer explained the issues to Lisa, she tried to put the cuffs on Lisa- Then it got crazy. Lisa started to fight back and the boy toys got involved -then I got involved" Tommy pointed at his eye "As you can see not too successfully. As Moose and Squirrel were rearranging my features old Candy came flying thru the open door "Tommy petted Candy sitting by his side "Then it was all about a 110 pound tornado of teeth, fur and fangs. Moose and Squirrel got bit a half dozen times each before Candy latched onto Moose's crotch-he won't be thinking with his dick for a while. " Tommy laughed "The cop had tazed Lisa by now and was giving the old code 999 OFFICER NEEDS URGENT ASSISTANCE on the radio when some of Moose's pals got out of his car and decided to come play too"

"Jesus H Christ!" I exclaimed

"Hold up" Tommy held up his hand "It gets better! You know your next door neighbor Marie Rodriquez's oldest boy Juan"

"Sure, great kid, In the Army now Afghanistan I think. We both coached him on our CYO football team" I said "her youngest son Alberto and my kids have sleepovers all the time."

"Yea seems him and Jamal Franklin-also on our old CYO football squad are back on leave. They and some of their buddies were pulling into their driveway after a night out and saw Old Coach Tommy getting the hell beat outta him. That gang came charging across the front lawn like the 1st Armored Division they belong to." Tommy chucked "Lisa's playmates were flying around like ten pins at an All-Star bowling tournament! Plus Candy was ripping into any limb that got within biting range"

I could only sit back open mouthed

Tommy leaned forward with obvious enjoyment telling the story "But Wait –there is more! Finally the Police Calvary arrives - Metro PD, County Sheriffs, even a Highway Patrol car! They came out swinging sticks and it looked a scene outta Braveheart for about 10 minutes! "Tommy touched the back of his head "Heck even I got wacked trying to get Candy outta there before someone shot my puppy." This earned Candy a scratch behind his torn ear

"Finally the clubs, tazers and Candy settled the issue and everyone was cuffed and on the ground. The Officer & I had to walk around sorting out the good boys from the bad boys. All the naughty children and Lisa are in the pokey now going thru the system" 

The word "Children" snapped me out of my stupor." Where are the boys!" I exclaimed jumping up.

"Relax" Tommy said pointing back to my chair. "Your little ones slept thru the whole ordeal"At that point the female Officer snapped shut both her cell phone and notebook. "Mr. Fontnii I am glad you are here now. I hope you are feeling better." She put way her phone and notebook "Your spouse and friends will most likely be arraigned late tomorrow if you wish to arrange bail" Tommy snorted. The Officer gave him a look "Your spouse is probably looking at resisting arrest, assault, assault on a law enforcement officer, plus some other charges"

The Officer started toward the door "Did they tell you about the restraining order procedure?"

"Yes" I replied "they explained I needed to be at the courthouse room 564 at 10:00 tomorrow morning"

She turned back toward Tommy but was still talking to me "I guess that will be all then. I am sorry about your situation. Please call me if you need anything." She then walked out of the kitchen toward the front door.

Tommy threw the ice pack into the sink then said "What now Vince-you wanna talk?"

"Nope. Sleep-you can take the guest bedroom. Later in the AM I take the kids to school and head to court. You got an early date at Home Depot"

"For...?"

"Locks. I want new deadbolt locks on every door and secure every opening in this place"

It was a busy morning. Tommy headed out to be at Home Depot to be there when the doors opened. I went online and closed all our bank accounts, paid off, then cancelled the credit cards and Lisa cell phone (Hell of a penalty). Got the kids fed and onto school. Next stopped at the bank to pick up the account amounts then onto another bank for new accounts and credit cards. The hearing for a restraining order was quick and fast once it got to the judge. The order was only good for 30 days before it had to be renewed-but it kept Lisa a 100 yards from me, the kids and the house. Lisa could get her stuff only if I was not present and in the company of a court officer.

Next was a divorce attorney. I used the same guy that Tommy's Ex-wife Brandy had. He was a shark-but now he was MY shark. I wanted the papers served on Lisa before she got out of the clink. He said it was not enough time. I was surprised when my shark started talking about looking into a separation first to cool down, perhaps couples therapy. Was this the same guy who flayed my brother alive? I wanted a scorched earth campaign.

"Look" the shark started "Let me play Devil's Advocate for a minute. We do not even know if your wife cheated on you. Not that that matters anyway. You really have no proof. Do you have any hard evidence? Pictures? Witness statement? , Did you hear anyone claim to see her with another guy in an adulteress position? All you know is she left with a group of young girls and guys. They could have been going to a football game"

"It's not football season –and what football game lasts until 2:00 AM?"

"Okay-I am not saying you do not have a strong case. With the assault charges and restraining order you have a better chance than your wife for custody. But you never know what a judge wants, the judge may see a she said-he said issue and no one wins. You want your kids to grow up without one parent? "

"Yea Yea Yea-but I do not want to end up like my brother, maybe seeing his kid every other month and living like an unemployed undergrad"

My shark leaned across his desk "You still might. This is a no fault state, unless she is incarcerated you still need to split the assets 50-50. I will do as you wish, but the courts are very heavily tilted in favor of the mother. In your case you have a much better chance than most but... Is there even the slightest chance you two can work thru this ...event" he folded his hands

"Just do it" I said and started to write out a check for his retainer

Lisa got out two days later. I do not know who paid her bail. A bail bond company called me -Lisa was requesting the house as collateral for bail. I told them it was not going to happen and I would contest any such document. I had packed Lisa's car with as much of her stuff as would fit in her car and parked it 100 yards down the block. The keys and signed title were in the glove box. After that the phone answering machine and my cell was filled with Lisa's calls. I listened to the first few which were full of stories about how no cheating had been going on, nothing happened, she could explain everything, she was shocked I had been injured somehow, but I had gone too far, it was all a mistake, a misunderstanding. Not surprising there was no tears or sobbing. Lisa was still Lisa and had made up her mind. I knew Lisa thought if she could get me to understand her thinking all would be well. Lisa was correct that she knew me after over 10 years-but I also knew Lisa after over a decade together. She would try to get to me thru the kids.

------------------------------------------------

I was walking from the school parking lot to the cafeteria for my monitoring duties when Lisa and –surprise to me- Randy aka Moose came hustling toward me from behind a pillar by the school door. Randy aka Moose was walking a bit slowly with a slight limp-no doubt a lasting reminder from Candy my brothers Doberman.

Lisa started first as soon as she got into range "Vince be reasonable, there was no cheating.." then Randy aka Moose interrupted". Dude you gotta drop the charges..I never touched you..me and her ..it was no big deal..this jail thing gonna fuck up my scholarship..." then Lisa was talking over him and it was a jumble of "..no divorce..hot MILF.. not worth this...I only love you..work this out.." each one of them talking louder and louder.

"Halt!" I said holding up my hand showing a small recorder "I need you both to get away from me –now! " I pointed at Randy aka Moose "You are on bail for assault and now causing me to fear for my safety. " I pointed toward Lisa "and you are in violation of a restraining order!"

"Oh stop being so dramatic" Lisa said reaching out to grab my arm "I do not care about anything some useless court said on a piece of paper. You need to come with me so we can get this straightened out"

Randy aka Moose might be majoring in communication-but I do not think he grasped the concept of a recording device because he said "..dudeman if this screws up my ride I am gonna kill you!"

I had to conceal my smile as I turned and ran back toward the family minivan with Lisa and Randy aka Moose in pursuit. I pointed the remote key entry at the minivan and depressed the button that activated the automatic sliding doors (on both sides).

Did you know that you can hire off duty Metro PD officers in full uniform as private security-even bodyguards? The Metro PD is so efficient they have a form on their website for services with rates that can be paid via credit card. It was not cheap-but it was worth every penny when the four bulky Metro PD officers piled out of the family style minivan.

Randy aka Moose was meek and silent as he was handcuffed and read his rights, but I think Lisa finally understood I was not going to listen to her "reason". Lisa was a little less calm –but still firm as she said "Vince is this what you want! Is IT! Your children's mother in handcuffs-A divorce! Fine I will take the house, your 401K, the kids, every dime you make and you better start saving for your children's 21st birthday –because when this is over that is the next time you are ever going to see them! I am going to squeeze you for all you have! You can't get blood out of a Turnip-but I am going to get it out of you!" Lisa went on and on as we awaited a Metro Patrol car to take the pair to booking. I just nodded at Lisa and made sure the recorder was not going to run out of memory.

-----------------------------------------------------

You ever hear the old saying "The enemy of my enemy is my friend"? Well I guess it is true. You could have knocked me down with a feather when Lisa was bailed out the next day and the person posting the bail was none other than Tommy's ex-wife Brandy. I think Brandy got a kick that the money I had lent Tommy to make his alimony payments- Brandy had used to bail out Lisa. Lisa was now staying with Brandy in Tommy's house.

Tommy and Candy literally moved into our house. My boys were a bit confused about why Mom was missing. I told them Mommy was gone to visit her Aunt Flow (Best I could come up with on the spot) but the trade of their Mom for Uncle Tommy and his dog Candy seemed to win them over.

Lisa was fighting the divorce and the restraining order -but having problems because without funds Lisa was having difficulty keeping a lawyer. Seems lawyers want to get paid and my shark's legal maneuvers was keeping any money out of Lisa hands. Lisa was living off of Brandy, and that then came to halt.

Tommy came into my office at work. "Vince just want to let you know I am going on disability and won't be at work"




Blood from a Turnip



"Tommy are you OK? What's wrong?

"Well after that little melee at your house I am having dizzy spells and trouble balancing. That disability insurance you talked me into paying for every paycheck is going to pay 66% of my salary" Tommy then winked at me "Vince do you know in our state that disability is not subject to alimony. Also child support and divorce terms are to be modified in case of a disability by one partner" Tommy sat down in my chair "Let see how Brandy acts when she has to deal with a little belt tightening"

It did not take long after Tommy's check failed to arrive for Brandy to act. In less than 30 days Brandy had got on the court docket and it do not go well for her. The Judge was disappointed in the lack of Brandy's employment or school enrollment. Brandy's "maintenance" was discontinued and the child support cut -as well. Brandy was also made to take over the home payments. This was extended until Tommy was back to work fulltime.

Still I was surprised a week later to see Brandy at my door with Tommy Jr. and little Frank.

"Uncle Vince is Vince and Tony home" my two nephews asked already walking in the door.

"Sure boys they are in the backyard. Go ahead and play with them" the boys ran thru the house to the backyard.

"Vince I need to speak to you for a moment?" Brandy said stepping into the house. Just then Tommy's doberman Candy came trotting around the corner. The dog spied Brandy and Candy's hair on his back stood up. His upper lip curled into a snarl and exposed a sizable set of teeth, this was accompanied by a low growl.

I gently pushed Brandy out the door and called out "Vince, Tommy come get Candy and bring him into the back yard." Now Brandy and I were standing on the front porch.

"Was that necessary Vince?" Brandy seemed shaken "Can't you control that mutt"

"Brandy I appreciate you bringing over the kids. But what do you want?"

"OK Vince I will cut to the chase. Lisa is staying with me and she is major league pissed at you. Lisa really misses her kids. This little fairy tale you spun about her and that meathead beating you up has Lisa spiting flames. She is vowing to go for full custody, huge child support payments, alimony, the house, your 401K, the works" 

"Well Lisa is free to make that argument in court, going to be tough without a lawyer though-does she have one?-I hear the another one quit after Lisa stiffed him. But why do you care?"

"Because your brother Tommy's little medical vacation is cutting into my lifestyle big time. Here is the deal –back to the old Status Quo. I think I can get Lisa to come back and forgive you for all your childish jackass behavior and you get Tommy to go back to work and make the payments the court originally ordered"

"I think I will pass Brandy. Rather take my chances in court"

"You have no chance in court. You and your brother are two of the biggest fools around. Both you trolls married way above your pay grade and after a decade think Lisa and I are your possessions. Are you willing to throw it all away because Lisa went on a date with some kid half your age? Is that it? Bruise your little ego? Hell Vince -Lisa told me nothing even happened.

I looked at Brandy and raised my eyebrows "And I should believe you both because what.. cheaters never lie?"

"Why would I lie? And on Lisa's one time night out –In all twelve years of marriage -the one single night you are so bent out of shape about- was nothing more than a big teenage-ish make out session." Brandy spat out.

I stared at Brandy, who went on after a pause. "OK-Lisa said there was some petting.."

More hesitation from Brandy "..and she got felt up a bit-perhaps some finger action, -but Lisa said it over the panties.."

I kept looking at Brandy who mumbled "..possibly a little hand job.."

I stared hard at Brandy who finally blurted out "well OK maybe Lisa gave him a blow job too-but it was a quick one in the car-just on the way home. Hell Lisa made him wear a condom even for that. But that was it, no real sex –Gods Truth! You cannot expect Lisa to get that big lug all worked up and leave him without relief-Come on Vince even old Bill Clinton-the president you voted for twice by the way-said blow jobs do not count as sex" 

"Brandy you do know that this is not making me feel any better"

"Jesus H Christ Vince! You been with Lisa for 14 years, married for what a dozen years? Once Lisa gets an opinion in her head nothing can change it. Lisa does not see what she did as cheating. And it's a moot point anyway-Lisa was disappointed with her big "date night" and had no intention of doing it again. She was bringing that side of beef home so both of them could tell you nothing went on"

"Something did go on, not only the blow job-which you glossed over so quickly. Something more important- Lisa disrespected this family, our marriage and me. I have lost any trust in Lisa, and even if I still loved Lisa-I cannot trust her. Without trust there can be no marriage. Lisa had the chance several times to choose between her family and her date. Now it is my choice and I choose my family"

"Vince you cannot be that dense. You will not have any family. Lisa will make your life hell; all because you can't get over Lisa having an exaggerated spit swapping make out session with some giant preppie. Hell-I bet you have done just as bad at some drunken Office Christmas parties"

"I do not know what kind of Christmas parties your office has-but no secret Santa has ever got me a hummer for a under $20 dollar gift. Oral would have been a lot better present then a fruitcake or movie tickets. Thanks for the legal advise Brandy, this conversation is over. Appreciate you stopping by. Do you want me to get your kids?"

Brandy turned to walk down the drive "No Tommy can have them until Monday. Tell Tommy they both need new shirts for the play at school next week"

------------------------------

"What do you mean I might lose my kids!" I tried not to shout at my Shark sitting across the desk in his law office.

"I just want you to be prepared" my Shark explained "Unfortunately we drew Judge Reynolds. This Judge thinks motherhood is next to sainthood and a mother can do no wrong"

"But..but..but.. Lisa has a restraining order against her. Charges of assault on me, the police. She has not seen the kids in three months"

"Does not matter to Judge Reynolds. The restraining order was not issued by this court. The assault charges against your wife have not gone to trial-so Lisa is still innocent. If convicted we could file for a change-but right now I want you to prepare for the worst"

"This is like a nightmare" I said slumping into the chair. "What are my chances?"

"Not good" my shark admitted "I have seen this Judge give kids to drug addicted crack mothers. Reynolds is an old codger who thinks we live in the Beaver Cleaver world of Ozzie and Harriet and he should have left the bench years ago. He has been in that court so long everyone just tolerates him. The only way mothers do not get the kids in his court is if they are dead or in jail"

After I left the law office I flipped open my cell phone and explained the situation to my brother. 

"What are you gonna do?" Tommy asked

"I think my only option is to go commando" I switched the cell to my other ear. "Grab as much cash as I can, load up the kids in the car with fuel and head for the border"

"Vince you can't do that. That is no life for your family. Let me talk to Lisa, maybe I can get her to give you shared custody"

"You can try Tommy, but Lisa does change her mind easy. I think I better saddle up the troops and head out early in the morning"

"Vince I need to be at the apartment tonight. Don't do anything stupid. Let me talk to Lisa –maybe Brandy can help. Do not do anything until I get there in the morning-OK"

"OK Tommy, I gotta go" I closed shut my cell phone and headed home.

--------------------------------------------

It was 3 AM when I heard her car pull up in the driveway with the lights out. They were moving quickly and talking in hushed tones but I could make out Lisa by her height and Brandy by her figure. They made their way to the front door and fumbled to open it with the new keys. I wondered if they had begged, borrowed or stolen Tommy's house keys.

I retreated to the boy's room, locked the door and placed a chair against the knob. The boys were next door at Mrs. Rodriguez. I sat down in a chair facing the door and picked up the home phone punching in 3 numbers.

"911 what is your emergency"

"I have intruders that have broken into my house, can you send help right away"

"I am dispatching a car now. Are you in a safe place?"

"I am locked in my boy's room. I think my wife and her boyfriend are back to beat me up again-how long before the police arrive"

"Stay calm sir they are on their way"

I heard footsteps come up the stairs and try the door knob.

"Shit it's locked" it sounded like Lisa's voice.

"The dumbass must be in there. There in no one in the master bedroom" This was Brandy.

Lisa now gave up any pretense of stealth and started pounding on the door. "Dammit Vince open this door! You are not taking my children!"

"Operator they are pounding on the door-what do I do?-how far are the police!

"Stay calm sir they are on their way. Can you escape, get away anyplace?"

The pounding continued and was getting louder "No Operator I am on the second floor and the locked door is the only way out!"

Both Brandy and Lisa were pounding on the door now. Then one of them began kicking at the door. I held out the phone so the 911 operator could hear the noise.

"Godamn it Vince if I have to break this door down I will. Open up now! When I smash this door down I will kick your ass for real this time!"

I really was frightened now of what was coming, so it was not an act that had fear in my voice as I spoke into the phone "Operator I am scared shitless! Where are the cops!"

"Stay calm sir they are on their way"

Just then one of Lisa's long legs broke thru the bottom of the door façade. "Goddam it Vince that hurt!-I am going to fucking kill you!"

"Operator they have broken thru the door! what do I do! Where is that police car!"

"Sir they are almost there" even the 911 operator's voice was on the edge of panic "Do you have any way to defend yourself! A chair- desk-club-anything to secure your safety!" They were both kicking at the door now "Sir you need to do something to protect yourself! Help is almost there-Do something!"

"OK-yea" I muttered into the handset as Lisa and Brandy kicked away the bottom of the door,- their shoes now making small holes bigger. I put the phone handset down on the carpet facing the door. Taking a deep breath to stop my shaking I picked up the double barrel shotgun laying across my lap. I had not fired the 12 gauge since before my Dad passed and wondered if the shells were still good. One way or another I was going to end things now.

A portion of the doors façade bottom had just been kicked away when I cocked the shotgun, swung the muzzle around and pulled both triggers.

-----------------------------------------

The loud boom of the double barrel shotgun blast echoed off the walls and deafened me, then my ears started to ring. I coughed and tried to clear my vision of all the gunpowder smoke in the small room. It seemed like forever but as my hearing came back I heard sirens in the distance and a frantic operator's voice on the phone shouting out over and over "Sir are you there! Sir are you there! Sir answer me –are you there!"

I coughed again clearing my throat before picking up the phone "Send ambulances we need medical attention" with that I dropped the phone handset onto the floor again.

The bottom of the door and parts of frame was gone and peppered with holes. Beyond the door moaning could be heard. I got out of my chair and unlocked the door slowly opening it what was left of it. 

Lisa and Brandy lay in heaps. One of Brandy feet was a mangled mess. Both Lisa and Brandy's legs from the thigh down were torn and bleeding. At the last second I had lowered the muzzle from fatal chest level to knee level. Still Lisa had a nasty gash on her face where a piece of splintered door had hit her.

Police came swarming in the house guns drawn. I dropped my shotgun and raised my hands. One officer cuffed me while two others started first aid on Brandy and Lisa. As I was hauled down the steps I passed paramedics bringing stretchers up the stairs.

------------------------------------

The next few days were lost in a fog. I was kept in lock-up until late the next day when Tommy arranged bail. I got a break and the same ASA who done my restraining order caught this case. After talking to the detectives and reviewing the 911 tape my shooting was ruled justified and the charges dropped. Lisa and Brandy were denied bail-but it did not matter as both were in the county hospital recovering from various surgeries to repair the damage from the shotgun blast and door shrapnel.

Tommy got his boys and they and his dog Candy moved in. My sons were delighted with the new addition of their cousin's full time plus Uncle Tommy and Candy. Our house was a virtual boys club. They grumbled about the extra chores and clean up, but everyone pitched in. As long as all the homework was done and house cleaned up there was Sports on the TV, soda's in the fridge, video games in the den and the toilet seat was always up. The home became an almost sit-com man cave and all of our sons friends flocked to hang out here.

Tommy also caught a break and got possession of both the boys and his house while Brandy was in the county hospital. Tommy put his house up for sale at a price so low that he got a buyer even in this down market.

"Vince that monstrosity was never my house anyway. Brandy picked it out and I could barely afford it when Brandy and I were together. I did not make any money off the sale-but having that white elephant off my back is payment enough." My brother was almost giddy with glee "Besides Brandy was to get ½ of the profits. Well ½ of zero is her cut"

All good things have to come to an end and the lady across my kitchen table was it. She was a Public Defender and handling Lisa's case. She had shown up at my doorstep and asked to speak with me.

"The ASA likes cases which are neat and tidy "she began "but this case is like a bad onion. The more you peel away the layers the more messy it gets." 

I kept my mouth shut and kept my hand on the table. "For example" she continued "the night of the shooting. Both Lisa and Brandy were told you were planning to take her sons and flee the country"

I started to speak, but she held up her hand to stop me. 

"Yes I read the report. There were no signs of you and the children planning to flee. No packed suitcases, no large cash withdraws on your account or credit cards. Passports still in the safe deposit box. Your car only had a quarter tank of gas, plus the children were on a sleepover next door" She looked up "yet you were ready and waiting with a loaded shotgun"

"It was an old shotgun with old shells that belonged to my father. The shotgun shells turned out were old and powder weak. I assume you have a point here?" I asked

"Yes a good argument could be made that you planned to ambush your wife. Lured her into a trap. I know earlier you sent your brother over to tell Lisa you were taking the kids and running away"

"I did no such thing" I countered "My brother volunteered to see if he could talk some sense into Lisa about the divorce and custody. I did not know what he was going to tell Lisa"

"You knew Lisa would not stand by and allow you to take the children. That was the one thing that you were counting on to get Lisa to violate the restraining order. That is my second point –the restraining order may have been issued under bogus conditions" 

"You know you really are dreaming if you think you can sell this"

"Well I can try. Your brother Tommy was in the house before the police arrived. Who is say he is not the one who hit you to make it look as if your wife and her friend caused the injuries? If I can push that –then the restraining order, resisting arrest, all of it becomes suspect and reasonable doubt starts to grow."

"Nice try but cell phone records will show my brother was not in the house and arrived only a minute or two before the police. I can tell you Tommy would pass any polygraph test on that account" Well that much was true I thought. "Do I look some kind of wimp to you that would allow himself to be a punching bag for anyone?"

"I did not say that. I am only thinking out loud that a man who loves his children so much may try to game the system to his advantage" 

I leaned back in the chair "Ask my brother Tommy how fair the system was to him in his divorce and attempts to be a father to his children" 

She ignored my answer "The ASA has offered a deal to both Brandy and Lisa. Whoever flips first and testifies against the other get reduced charges, minimum jail time and probation. It is in my client and your wife Lisa's best interests to take that deal. However the ASA needs a win and also to know you will not oppose the deal and cause problems."

"Why would I do anything for Lisa? She betrayed me, the marriage and our family in the vilest and most cruel manner possible-with both malice and forethought-as you legal people say."

"Vince right now everything is going for you. It is true if Lisa is convicted you will have a slam dunk for custody of your boys. But think of this-do you really want your children growing up without a mother? Do you really need to have Lisa sit in a prison for the next decade? Also it only takes one man hating lady on the jury to hang this trial. If I get a Not Guilty verdict then none of this is going to be make a hill of beans to a divorce judge"

" I cut in with as much sarcasm as I could muster "Are you trying to threaten me or scare me-I just want to be sure, because I can't tell 

"Neither. I want you to look at this a couple of ways. Number one is practical-you go along and Lisa pleads guilty, gets time served, 120 days in county, plus 4 years' probation. Thus your custody of the children is assured in the divorce. Second is compassion. Your sons are going to need a mother in the future. Soon they are going to start to have other matters that need a mothers touch-such as dating. They might be OK now-but think about how will they feel in time when they discover Dad send their Mother to prison? Now last is History and Consideration. You two loved each other for over 14 years and Lisa gave you two wonderful children. That should count for something." She paused " Vince are you a religious man?"

"Raised Catholic, church every Sunday, Fish on Friday, altar boy and everything"

"Isn't there something about hate the sin, love the sinner?"

"Lady -I do hate the sin, but loving the sinner is not going to happen" 

"Then there is also this" She dug into her briefcase and gave me a file. 

The file was a bunch of medical jargon about Lisa and blood results, medication, doses,-none of it I could understand. I put the file back on the table. "I am an accountant and deal with numbers. This is all gobblegoke to me. Can you explain this in laymen's terms?'

"Sure-After the surgery Lisa was quite depressed-not uncommon-I mean after being shot and waking up handcuffed to a hospital bed. So she was placed on suicide watch and a full medical and psych work up done. Lisa was found to not only have depression but be also slightly manic. Probably been that way most of her life. The onset of early menopause threw her hormones out of whack and may account for her strange out of character behavior. We were lucky to have doctor doing some research on the subject looking at her chart. They have her on medication and tweaked her dose to get everything back to an even keel"




Blood from a Turnip



"Wonderful. You are going to blame this on PMS and hot flashes!" I threw up my hands.

"No –neither one of those. This is not an excuse, but more of reason for some of Lisa's unusual behavior and poor decision making. This does not abdicate responsibility. It is like a diabetic who does not go to a doctor for insulin. If this person drives but passes out due to low blood sugar and runs into a car full of nuns holding babies-the diabetic is still responsible for their actions and consequences, as their original decision started the chain of events"

I got out of my chair and went to the window over the sink. The boys were chasing Candy around the backyard in some game. I thought it was true Lisa had given me two great kids, but I still felt no love for her anymore. Yet did I owe Lisa one for Old Times' Sake? 

I turned back to the kitchen table. "Ms. Public Defender you could talk birds out of the trees. I will not stand in the way of any deal you get Lisa. But here are my terms." I started to tick off the conditions on my fingers. "Lisa does not oppose any part of the divorce. She gets to keep her car and 35 percent of what left of our savings after divorce court costs and my shark's legal fees –so saving aren't going to be much. I will even continue to carry Lisa on my health insurance -but she pays the deductibles. Full custody of my boys and determination of visitation goes to me. I keep the house and 401K."

"Done" she said picking her briefcase and getting up from the table. "Send the papers to my attention and I will see Lisa gets them at our next meeting.

---------------------------------------

Brandy did not fare so well. Brandy refused to take any deal offered. Brandy felt if she could beat the rap the original terms of her divorce settlement would go back in place. The ASA piled up the charges-breaking and entering, conspiracy, attempted kidnapping (of the children), burglary and a slew of other counts. Brandy was not convicted on all counts but enough Guilty verdicts stuck that Brady ended up going down for 7-10 years. We were told with good behavior she might be out in 4 years.

Lisa did her 120 days in the county jail. She wrote the kids often and asked me not to bring them to visit. Lisa did not want her children to see her in a jail setting. At first she sent me long rambling letters. A lot of it was a repeat of what her Public Defender had said-the meds had helped, how she had battled the blues all her life, she was better now, blah, blah, blah. I never answered back-I could not see the point. Oddly enough it was Tommy who was her biggest supporter and kept pushing me to give Lisa a break. While he knew we would never get back together, he bugged me to lighten up and look at the good times Lisa and I had together. I guess that was the reason I was parked outside the county jail 120 days later awaiting Lisa's release.

Lisa had lost a lot of weight and was walking with a limp. One foot still had a walking cast and she had a wicked scar that went from the bottom of her right cheek to just above her right eye. Lisa hair was cut shorter and had some gray in it. Lisa was surprised when I came up and touched her arm.

"Come to gloat" Lisa said in a monotone voice

"Nope" I replied taking her small gym bag "Come to give you a ride"

"County Correction administrator said a bus comes in a few hours. A stop is in center of town. YWCA nearby, a lot of the girls stay there when they first get out"

"Well my car is right there if you do not want to wait"

Lisa shrugged and followed me into the car. After I opened the passenger door and get her belted in. Lisa gave me a piece of paper with an address.

"It is the halfway house I can stay at if the YWCA is full up "Lisa explained.

The address was in a part of town you better not be caught unarmed. I shivered, belted up and drove off.

Lisa was silent for the first few minutes then without looking at me said "You didn't have to shoot me you know"

"Well you didn't have to cheat on me, try to take my kids and bankrupt me, you know." I got a hold of myself and took a breath "Lisa is this really how you want our first conversation to go?"

"No" she said and was silent for the rest of the drive. Lisa was slumped in her seat most of trip but sat up when we drove into a familiar part of town.

"Vince this is not the way to the YWCA"

"Yea I know . Gotta make a stop first"

"Please Vince it has been a long day. I just want to get settled in and get a plan together for the next few days. I need to find someplace to live and get a job" Lisa snorted "Gainful employment is part of my probation terms. Going to be tough in this economy. Who is going to hire an unskilled house-wife and ex-con to boot"

I turned the corner and pulled into the parking lot of a nice condo complex. Lisa's eyes got wide as she saw her car parked in of the spots. She sucked in a deep breath seeing all boys and Tommy standing next to her car with two big hand lettered signs WELCOME MOM.

Lisa went into female mode scrambling in her purse for make-up while pulling down the visor mirror at the same time trying to pat her hair into place.

"Oh my God no Vince! I look a mess I can't see the boys like this!"

"Lisa relax. The kids have been waiting to see you. They even washed and waxed your car" I said pulling in and killing the engine

The boys were all over the car. Pulling Lisa out of the car and babbling about her new place, how it had a swimming pool, was right around the block from the house. They pulled Lisa into a little one bedroom condo. It was set up with all her stuff from the house from bed sheets and dishes to school pictures of them on the wall. It was overwhelming for Lisa and she kept hugging the boys while walking around the condo with tears streaming down her cheeks. 

After a while the boys got restless and asked Lisa if they could go play in the pool. Tommy agreed to take them and that left Lisa and I alone.

"Vince what is catch" Lisa said sitting in one of her favorite chairs we had transplanted from the house.

"No catch Lisa" I said sitting at a kitchen table. "Can't have the mother of my children living in a slum. Mr. Alverez our boss bought this place years ago for his daughter. She is married now and the market is so bad he does not want to sell it. We paid 6 months of the lease for you in advance. After that the rent is on you. We are not together any more-nor will we be. But we are connected by the boys-no matter if we like it or not"

"My God I do not know what to say" Lisa had tears in her eyes. "That is a load off my mind and gives me some breathing space to find a job"

"About that.." I started looking at my hands "Tommy thinks that all the boys and us living together is great-but the atmosphere has a bit too much testosterone. We live like Bears with furniture." This got a chuckle out of Lisa

"Anyway" I continued "We need a female touch to help out. The boys all pitch in, but last week Tony put his red baseball jersey in the washer with Tommy's white boxers. Tommy may be secure with his manhood-but having pink underwear was a bit too much even for him"

"What are you saying Vince" Lisa was sitting on the edge of her chair

"I am saying we have a business proposition for you. You become basically a den mother and keep a rein on our clan-cooking, cleaning, laundry, whatever you feel needs to be done. This all on the up and up. I had a contract drawn up with tax ID and everything"

"You mean I get to see my kids every day!" Lisa's eyes were wide now

"We would need to talk about your hours-but sure. The house is a 3 minutes' walk around the second block" This was going well I though.

"Oh that is wonderful" Lisa came out of her chair and embraced me in a big hug. At first it felt good, then memories of that night she walked out the door burst into my mind like a movie scene playing over and over and my whole body went ridged.

Lisa did not seem to notice "When I can I start" was her only question

-------------------------------

And so it went for the next two years. Lisa had her own key and was at the house every morning before the boys were up to make them breakfast and pack their lunches. Lisa left after putting the boys to bed. She lingered around after putting the boys were down the first few weeks, but I felt uncomfortable around her, and she seemed to sense it. Good news was the house was always neat, sink clear, and everyone had clean laundry. There were a few rough spots as the boys had to get used to putting the toilet seat down. Tommy's Doberman Candy and Lisa came to an understanding after a few days. Candy was leery of Lisa and protective of the boys-but after lots of chew treats and milk bones -Candy stopped giving Lisa the eye and growling when Lisa came into the house. We even saw Candy wag his stubby tail at Lisa after a week of doggie treats.

Lisa for her part was only absent when she had to report to her probation officer or doing physical rehab on her legs, she still limped a little. Lisa also started taking some classes at the community college both on line and during the day when the boys were at school. Lisa was at all of the boys sporting events and school functions even coming to church with us on Sundays. Tommy's boys came to calling her Aunt Mom.

I encouraged her to get out on her own but she once said "Vince I am almost 40 year old ex-con gimp on drugs to keep from flipping out. Plus I own this carved up face-Yes I see how people stare at me when they think I am not looking. I read that a lady after 35 has a better chance of being on a hijacked plane then finding a man" she laughed "I wish my odds were that good, especially as I had a good man"

I countered with "Lisa we both need to move on. You have a lot to offer and both Tommy and I do not wish you to feel you need to stay here forever." I saw Lisa was self-conscious of her appearance. She had gotten rid of all the outfits that showcased the legs she was once so proud of. Lisa would not even wear shorts or a bathing suit. Even taking the kids swimming Lisa always had on a baggy tracksuit and never went into the water. It was always either pants or maybe a long dress almost touching the floor.

The images of Lisa walking out that fateful day became less vivid, yet I still had no real feelings for her. I felt like anyone would toward a close acquaintance. Then it happened.

Tommy had become very popular with all the single soccer moms and divorcees of the boys on the various teams we coached. Most of the ladies just wanted some attention and a good time every once in a while. Tommy was never serious about his relationships but always respectful. He became the "Go To" man for charity events and functions or just a fun night out (or overnight as sometimes was the case). This particular Saturday Tommy had taken the boys to one of their friend's house for a birthday party. I had just finished some sweaty lawn work and was in the shower.

"OCCUPIED" I yelled out as I heard the bathroom door open.

Lisa's voice came thru the steam. "I am just putting some clean towels on the racks 

"I'll be done in a few minutes" I answered lathering up the shampoo on my hair

"Jesus Vince, It's not like I never saw you naked" Lisa voiced floated back

"True enough" I muttered as I started to rinse off.

Moments later I felt a cold whoosh of air cut thru the steam in the shower and heard the shower door close. I sensed someone just for a second before a pair of warm female breasts with hard nipples pressed against my back and two arms encircled my waist. One of the soft hands gripped my penis and began jacking me to hardness.

"What the hell.." I gasped trying to get rinse soap out of my eyes and turn around at the same time.

A female form molded to my back and a soft chin was on my shoulder. Then Lisa voice whispered in my ear "Vince, please, please I've waited so long for this, please"

I had been on a few dates during our time apart. They were OK but not worth the bother. My right hand had provided relief when needed but that was about it. Lisa still knew what to do and it would have taken a better man then me to resist.

Lisa released her grip on my manhood and I was finally able to turn around. Before I could say anything Lisa dropped to her knees and engulfed me. I am only average size but Lisa had her lips all the way to the base in an instant. I gripped her hair and only got in a few strokes before I felt myself go over the edge. As any guy can understand after such a long absence I felt like a fire hose gushing. Lisa used her tongue on me as I held her head and tried to keep my knees from buckling.

I was spent after a very short time –but to my surprise and delight I was still hard. Lisa took her mouth off my staff and stood up bending over at the waist. She never let go of my dick and inserted me into her pussy, using her other hand to balance herself against the wall.

Either Lisa was incredibly turned on and wet or she had lubed herself before she came in the shower. I slide balls deep in on the first push . Lisa let out a contented moan and pushed back. I grabbed her hips and admired her butt as I started to drive into her hard.

I was thankful I had just cum as it felt so good to be inside Lisa. She pushed back against me moaning and even reaching back to pull me harder into her. Minutes later I heard her moans increase in pitch and frequency then felt her tighten around me. Lisa threw back her head and her whole body shook as she came. I never stopped pumping and felt great.

Lisa stopped for a minute then reached around and gently pulled me out of her. I was disappointed and was ready for more. Then Lisa moved the head of my dick to her tight little rosebud.

" I put some lotion in me-but go slow it's been a long time" she said looking at me over her shoulder. 

Lisa and I were no stranger to anal. It was not an every night occurrence when we were married. More like a treat. While I would screw Lisa's ass anytime, she was not a big fan, but when in the mood got into it.

"You sure?" I said. Hating myself for even giving Lisa the chance to change her mind.

"Yes" Lisa said reaching back to spread her cheeks . "I know you like it and I want you there.

Did not have to ask me twice. I grabbed some lotion from the shower caddy and squeezed a generous amount on my dick and her hole. I started slow and gave Lisa a chance to get used to my dick. After a few seconds she would push back and I would go in a little bit more. Soon I was all the way in .Lisa groaned and said. "Hold still let me get used to you. I miss having you inside me"

It took all the self-control I had to remain motionless. The warm water washed over our bodies and I thought-"Thank god for tankless hot water heaters! Our old hot water tanks would have had us freezing by now"

Lisa then started push/pull in movements with her hips . Then her movements got deeper and she nodded her head at me. I started slowly with shallow strokes but Lisa started moaning louder and pushing back at me harder. After that I grabbed her hips with one hand and reached around with the other hand to stroke her clit. We got into a rhythm as I pulled almost all the way out then pushed all the way into her tight ass while stroking her clit. Damn she felt good, I forgot how sexy she was in this position. All too soon I felt that familiar feeling in my groin.

"I'm gonna cum" I gasped as I gripped her hips with both hands and drove in deep as I could.

"Yes, Yes, cum in me" Lisa moaned and clenched her cheek as she used her hands on the wall to push. back against me.

I let myself go into her and stayed deep in her butt until my penis deflated and Lisa stood up causing me to slide out of her. We spent a few minutes washing each other off then tumbled out of the shower still embraced in a kiss.

I half carried, half dragged Lisa's wet body to the bed and moved down my head to her sex. If this were a porno flick I would still be hard. However while I was still excited -my staff needed time to recover. I took the "down time" to give Lisa the oral pleasure she deserved.

Did we make made passionate love over and over-Don't I wish! I was good for two more rounds with breaks in between before we lay in each other's arms.

"Vince" Lisa began "The past is all water under the bridge. Do you think we can start anew again?

I hesitated and searched deep into myself. The sex had been fine. But that was just what it was –sex. It was great because we knew what each other wanted so there were no awkward moments. After two years any sex would have been great. Yet I knew I had no deep feelings for Lisa.

"Lisa listen. I really enjoyed now being with you" I felt her tense up. "but this may be a mistake. We have too much history together. It would be best if we found other arrangements. Let me talk to Tommy. I know Mr. Alverez our boss is looking for a live in to help his Mom. You would get free room and board, still go to school, they have a pool and the kids could come over any time..."

Lisa put her hand over my mouth and gripped me tight. "No Vince, please- I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that. It has nothing to do with you or the kids."

That phrase-"I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that. It has nothing to do with you or the kids"-sent an electric shock thru my body. I sat straight up and moved to the edge of the bed. The image of Lisa saying that sentence to me while dressed in tight jeans putting on lipstick with her CFM heels in this same room flashed into my brain. The picture was so vivid I blinked and rubbed my eyes to make sure it was not real.

"Lisa the last time I heard the sentence from you- "I just need this right now in my life-you must understand that. It has nothing to do with you or the kids"- we were in this same room and you were getting ready for your date. The date that ended our marriage. Hell I think I was sitting at the same spot on this bed."

Lisa rearranged the bed sheets to cover her legs. She was still uneasy about showing her damaged legs. Lisa put her arms around me from behind and rested her head on my shoulder before speaking.

"I am not a bad person Vince"

"Ya I know –the old cliché' Your a good person who did a bad thing"

"That was a long time ago. I know it does not help-but it was not really me back then"

"Well I really wish it wasn't me back then-but it was"

"Vince I go to church with you every Sunday. Can't you forgive and forget?"

"It is not about forgiveness and forgetting. It is about trust. Lisa even as well as things have been between us-the Once bitten, Twice Shy analogy- still applies"

Lisa's tears were dripping on my shoulder. "OK Vince I understand. I do not like it but I understand. I guess it is too much to ask after all we have been thru. But I do not want to lose what I have with you and the boys. Please let's just keep on the same. Let's just keep it simple"

I thought hard for a few moments "OK-Works for me" I said

Lisa got off the bed and started walking to the bathroom her hips swaying. Scarred legs or not Lisa still a fine figure and my eye were glued to her swinging behind. Lisa turned her head and caught me looking at her.

"Vince" Lisa had a sly smile on her face "I still reserve the right to ambush you in the shower"

I grinned and lay back on the bed.

__________________________________

Did Lisa and I ever get back together? Depends on how you look at it. We have not got remarried and Lisa still keeps her little condo (the boys love the pool). Lisa sleeps over if there is a late night event going on. We have sex or make love whenever the need or urge takes us-but there is never any commitment (at least on my part). Lisa self-esteem went up when she got asked out a few times, but to my surprise, she turned these dates down. Lisa claims to be comfortable with our arrangement and said she has no intention of screwing it up. As for me –I have my great kids, a fine brother and nephews, plus clean clothes and a lovely lady (in my opinion). Life is too short to worry about the other stuff.