116 comments/ 154495 views/ 70 favorites Big Mouth Ch. 01 By: Slirpuff They say there is a fine line between the emotions of love and hate. Supposedly it's even documented that a person can swing back and forth and at times experience both emotions at the exact same time. Up until six months ago I would have said that was impossible, but no longer. Right now there is a damn war going on in my head. I'm going from loving to hating and back again to loving the same person, furthermore, I don't have a clue which one is finally going to win out. I only know that it's going to have to end soon because I can't take much more of this. I want to feel normal again. I want to wake up from this nightmare, go to work, come home to my family, and live like most normal families live. However, no matter which way it ends up, those days are over. I just need to decide how much fight I have left in me. Well, one way or another Thursday is decision day and I'm looking forward to it. I may end up with some resemblance of my past life, and for once I might get a good night's sleep, I hope so anyway. ******************** Since I'd drawn the short straw I was delegated to grab the next bucket of long necks from the refrigerator in the kitchen. It was about nine minutes until halftime and the college we'd all attended was up three points after being behind most of the first half. They were in scoring position on the thirty-two yard line and no one wanted to leave the television. So, it was decided that the short straw would fetch the next round of adult beverages and snacks. You can't very well watch the big game without a brew in your hand, can you? Well, certainly not this hard-core alumni group. It was our monthly Saturday get together and everyone was having the usual good time. With Keith's new fifty-two inch 3-D flat screen with surround sound, it was almost like being there. In truth, probably better because of all the amenities and conveniences were here in his house, without having to deal with the crowds. It was Keith and Rhonda's turn to host our little football party and they had gone all out. The only problem was the snacks that were piled high on the dining room table were all the things I wasn't allowed to eat while on the diet my wife had put me on. "A few barbeque chicken wings won't kill me," I thought as I grabbed a couple when I saw no one was around, along with two jalapeño poppers that were filled with cheddar cheese. "Hell, it was the weekend and after eating salads and skinless chicken breasts all week, I deserve this," I told myself. I re-filled the munchies platter for the guys before heading for the kitchen. All us guys had basically grown up together. We went to the same high school, college, and Keith and I even got the chance to play football there our freshman year. That was before realizing we just weren't good enough, not to mention the exorbitant amount of time it took to be even on the taxi squad. Somehow after graduation, we all ended up living within a five-mile radius of one another. Now, years later we're all married and still as close as we ever were. Roger and his wife, Beth, have one kid; David and Sue just had their second and last as Sue put it, and Keith and Rhonda topped our group with three. Heather and I have two, Robert, six years old and Amy, four. We just celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Dinner, drinks, and a little love making while thes took care of the kids made it that much more memorable of a night. I was almost to the kitchen when I heard the laugh. It was loud and high pitched. I knew without question whose it was. My wife's laugh came from her toes and could usually be heard two rooms away. Even with the game blasting in the living room, I'm sure the other guys even heard it. Our wives always seemed to congregate in the kitchen, drinking wine, gossiping, and no doubt comparing notes. I put the last popper in my mouth before quietly sneaking closer to the doorway to hear what was so funny. "He can't be that bad," Sue said with a laugh, looking at my wife. "Honey, I didn't say he was bad, not anymore anyways. Hell, it took me the first five years to show him where it was and to properly train him on what to do with it. So if it's anyone's fault it's mine." They all got a big kick out of that one; everyone that is except me. "Heather, you've got two kids, he must be doing something right," Rhonda followed up with. "Girls, he was just in the right place at the right time." They all laughed again at my expense while Beth refilled their wine glasses. "Look, Steve's a wonderful father and a loyal husband, but as a lover he's just barely adequate." "Well, Roger may be a little shy and quiet around most people, but he's an animal in bed," Beth added, blushing. "I just wish he was you know, just a bit bigger, that's all," she said, showing how long she would like him to be with her hands. All the other wives told her they wished their husbands were that long too. "I've got a little something in my night table that could take care of that problem for you," my darling wife piped up. "It's about ten inches long, silver, and hums like a motherfucker. When I'm really horny and no one is around, I get Brian out and have the most mind blowing orgasms you can imagine." Heather was sipping on her wine and fanning herself with a napkin. "You know what they say, no one can love you better than yourself." "Brian?" Rhonda asked with a puzzled look on her face. "You named your vibrator Brian?" "An ex-boyfriend, but by far the best lover I ever had. He was hung and knew just what buttons to push, boy did he ever. He could almost get me off by just looking at me. Damn, that guy sure knew how to please a woman." By this time I was beyond angry. These were our best friends in the world and here's my loving wife telling them I'm not worth a damn in the sack among other things. "Now, if Steve and I are getting it on, and he's not doing it for me, I think about my times with Brian and then even he can't fuck it up." "God damn, how much worse could it get?" I thought, hearing all those snide comments she was making about our love life. "Maybe I'll have to get a Brian of my own," Sue said laughing, that is until she and everyone else saw me standing in the doorway. The mood in the room drastically changed at that point. Heather turned around to see what everyone was looking at and saw me. "Hi honey, is there something I can get for you?" She said sweetly in her typical southern twang, smiling at me. I think if I had a gun I would have shot her dead right where she stood and gone to jail a happy man. Thankfully for her I didn't own one. "Don't come home. Go to one of your sisters, your parents, or to fucking hell for all I care. But, under no circumstances come home, if you know what's good for you." With that I turned around and headed towards the living room and front door. I heard my name shouted out a couple of times while making my way through the house. Everyone from the kitchen caught up to me just as I hit the living room where all the guys were cheering about something. I didn't have anything to cheer about. "Hey man, where's the beer?" David asked when I came back empty handed. "Roger, I need you to move your car so I can get mine out." I said, trying my best to control my temper. "Just a second, they're going for a two point conversion," he replied, glued to the television still watching the game. "Roger, if you don't move your fucking car now, I'm going to push it into the damn street." The look I gave him told him I was serious. "Jesus Christ, Steve, give me a second, will you?" he said, going for his jacket that held his car keys. "Honey, will you just settle down, it was just a joke," Heather said frantically, grabbing my left arm. She didn't expect what came next. I swung around and pushed her back with my right hand. Heather staggered back two steps before falling flat on her ass. "Don't you ever fucking touch me again, do you hear me?" I screamed out, knowing my face must have turned ten shades of red. I'd lost total control of my emotions, but who would have blamed me? I left a room full of shocked people and headed for my car with Roger in hot pursuit. I guess in my frame of mind, he didn't want to take any chances of me damaging his hot new red Lexus. Everyone was on the front lawn watching as I pulled out, heading for home, which was only about three quarters of a mile away in the next subdivision. I was so angry I was shaking, sweating buckets, and calling Heather every ugly name I could think of. These weren't just some casual acquaintances. I'd known most of these people for almost twenty damn years. What was she thinking? Here was the supposed love of my life stabbing me in the fucking back, telling them what a horseshit lover I am and how fucking great Brian had been. If Brian was so fucking great why didn't she marry him? That's right, Brian was a fucking loser who treated her like shit, but I guess not inside the bedroom. I never liked him and now I had another reason to hate his guts. For once I wished we lived a little further away. Driving, like running, always seemed to calm me down, though right now I don't think even a marathon would have quenched the anger I was feeling. For once, walking into an empty house was a welcome relief because I sure as hell didn't want to talk to anyone. My brain still felt fried, and I needed to try and somehow get control and calm down. Pacing back and forth through the kitchen and living room, the first beer went down in just three long gulps and the second only lasted a few seconds longer. I looked at the third and last one in the refrigerator, debating whether or not to open it. Then I remembered the comment Heather made about Brian—I opened it. My cell rang nonstop until I finally turned it off. When Heather couldn't get me on my cell, she started in on the house phone. I let the answering machine pick up the first couple of messages. "Steve, it was a damn joke! Come back and pick me up so we can talk." The phone and the answering machine both hit the kitchen wall about the same time. A fucking joke? It sure as hell was, but the joke was on me. We'd just celebrated nine years, and I would have staked my life on the fact that I'd rung every bell she had that night. Guess I didn't, or was she thinking about Brian again? I got even more pissed if that was at all possible. Beer number three bit the dust. With the previous two I'd consumed before this nightmare began, I had reached my limit, anymore and I'd be in uncharted territory. I wasn't much of a drinker or hadn't been for the last ten years, Heather saw to that. She said I was a stupid drunk, and if I was with her she wasn't going to put up with it. So, five had been my daily limit, that is until tonight. With a tall rum and diet Coke, no leaded soft drinks in our house since the start of my diet, I went upstairs to our bedroom to look for 'BRIAN'. It looked like Brian had brought his dad and Uncle Leroy with him, because what I found was not one but three toys in her night table's bottom drawer, a silver, a red, and a black one. Shocked doesn't even describe what I was looking at. They ranged in size from large, to extra large, to holy shit how did she get that black motherfucker in there. Underneath I found an assortment of lubricants one of which was even citrus flavored. It looks like there was a whole other world going on under our roof when I wasn't around. Now I wished I was a lot drunker. I was going to stomp them all into oblivion. Instead, I gathered up all her friends and whatever else was in that drawer. I opened up our front door, lined them all up nicely on our front step for the entire world to see, then shut and locked the door. I knew she wouldn't miss me tonight, I wasn't so sure about Brian and his buddies. In the hour and a half I'd been home I'd managed to destroy our home phone and answering machine, safety chained all the doors, disconnected the garage door opener, gotten myself the start of a decent buzz, not to mention evicting her intimate group of friends from the house. Not bad for ninety minutes of work. Then my brain heard the doorbell ring over and over, followed by someone banging on our front door. "Steve, please, open the door," I heard Heather pleading through the door. Looking out the living room window, I saw her on the front step. Beth and Roger were sitting in his car on the driveway. I opened the door but kept the safety chain on. "Heather, what the hell do you want? I thought I made myself perfectly clear that I didn't want to see you." "Steve, I know you're a little angry with me right now but you've got to know I didn't mean a word of what I was saying. I guess I had a little too much to drink. Please, sweetheart, open the door. We need to talk about this." A little angry? Holy shit, if this was only a little angry, I sure as hell wouldn't want her to see me if I was totally pissed off. Memories of the movie Fargo and the wood chipper flashed through my mind. "Heather, just fucking leave, I'm not going to talk to you, and I'm sure as hell not letting you in the damn house. Why don't you take Brian and his big buddies and go some place nice and quiet and fuck yourself." I was done talking and slammed the door in her face. How long she, Beth, and Roger stuck around I'm not sure. I went upstairs to what had been our bedroom and proceeded to puke for the next half hour. By the time I was done, there was nothing left in my stomach, and I think I saw a lung and part of my liver before I finally flushed. With some cold water on my face and a gargle of mouthwash, I walked into the bedroom and passed out on bed. Told you I wasn't much of a drinker. Sunday morning was quiet, too quiet. It was almost nine before my brain kicked in and tried to get me to open my eyes. Our bedroom faced east and with the shades up and the drapes open, the sunlight was doing its best to keep me from sleeping any longer. My head hurt and the inside of my mouth tasted like something I'd rather not think about. I awoke fully dressed, including shoes, on top of the bedspread. When I reached over for my wife and didn't find her next to me, my brain graciously decided to remind me why not. I got pissed all over again. I knew Heather wasn't a virgin when we married. I had been intimate with two girls before I met Heather, both those affairs being brief. I wasn't overly experienced, however I never realized she had that much more experience or I was that lame. Maybe I should have asked for letters of recommendations from the two girls I'd slept with to give to Heather. Looking back, I wondered if they would have sung my praises. I began to seriously doubt myself and my proficiency in the bedroom. What she had offered up, with such gusto yesterday, cut me to the core. She didn't just put me down and shame me in front of our friends, she cut off my fucking balls and had them bronzed. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I wasn't sexually satisfying my wife. All these fucking years it looked like she'd been faking it with me. What's worse, she was fantasizing about being with someone else. The word humiliation doesn't come close to describing what I was feeling at this very moment. How in the hell could I look my friends in the eye ever again after yesterday? Goddamn, I hated her. She not only took my self-respect she took away my best friends. I made it through Sunday without taking a drink or even looking at my cell phone. I already knew I probably had at least a dozen or so messages from Heather—fuck it, she was the last person in the world I wanted to talk to. I knew Monday, after I left for work, Heather would have to come home and get into the house. She and my kids would need a change of clothes for work and school. I would have to prepare myself to deal with her after work, that is if I decided to come home. Monday I was worthless. For the first hour I just stared at my computer screen saver, a beach picture of Heather and me on our honeymoon. We sure looked happy. After that I found a few trivial things to keep me busy until lunch. I was grateful for a budget meeting and a conference call in the afternoon to keep my mind occupied. It was almost five before I had time to again dwell on my situation. My mind kept replaying Saturday afternoon and every time I thought about what she'd said I got angry all over again. I knew we'd have words, I just hoped it would be later rather than sooner because I had a ton of issues to somehow address. All the way home I prayed she wouldn't be there. I wanted to see my children, but I didn't want to get into it with her with them present. Oh well, I'd soon see. I pulled onto our street. "Shit," I said in disgust when I saw Heather's car on the driveway. The kids were in the front yard and ran to my car when I pulled in. "Dad, we're having make your own pizza tonight for dinner. Mom's in the kitchen cutting up all the toppings and told us to tell you to go right in when you got home. I'm going to make myself a garbage pizza with everything on it," Robert said proudly. Amy stood by my side looking up at me. "Well pumpkin, what are you going to put on your pizza?" I asked, picking her up and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Just cheese, Daddy," Amy said smiling. "Well, I'd better get in the house and help your mom if we plan on eating dinner anytime soon." I put Amy down. "You guys play nicely together outside and I'll call you when everything is ready." No use upsetting the young ones. I walked quietly in the front door and saw Heather cutting and chopping in the kitchen. She still had her work clothes on and with her back to me she was oblivious to my presence. How long had I been the stupid fool? From what I'd heard it sounded like most of my married life. She never said a damn word. If I'd know we could have learned what she needed together and been brought that much closer. Now, all I felt was repulsion towards her. She'd blindsided me. And I can only imagine what my friends thought of me now. My anger was bubbling over again. "Well, no time like the present," my brain said as I walked into the kitchen. Dropping my laptop case on the kitchen table Heather jumped. "I didn't hear you come in," she said, before spouting the same bullshit I'd heard for the last couple of days. "I'm so sorry, I must have gone brain dead Saturday. I don't know what I was thinking." I stopped her. "First of all, don't try to bullshit me into believing you were drunk, because we both know you weren't. Second, everything that came out of your mouth afterwards was nothing more than you trying to back pedal and put a new spin on what I heard you say. I'm still in fucking shock. Who are you? You're sure not the woman I thought I married, that's for certain." She started walking towards me. "Steve, please listen to me..." "Heather, save your lies for someone who gives a shit because I no longer do." Tears were welling up in her eyes, they did nothing to soften my mood. It was like I was looking at a total stranger instead of the woman who was supposed to be the love of my life. "Steve, it was just girl talk. You know comparing notes and slamming our husbands, it's what wives do when they're together. You must have heard Beth complaining about Roger, you've got him beat by a mile." "You mean we're both losers? At least Beth didn't embellish on her description of her husband other than to say he was an animal in bed, only lamenting there wasn't a little more of him. You, on the other hand, rated me less than adequate. Weren't those your exact words?" "Yes, except I didn't mean it the way it came out." "You mean it's fucking worse? Jesus Christ, why the hell did you marry me if I was so fucking lame?" My voice was getting louder and cracking. "Oh wait, that's right, Brian wasn't the marrying kind. He was good enough to fuck, just not marry. Isn't that about right?" Big Mouth Ch. 01 "Steve, you've got it all wrong. I love you!" "Yeah, right, like I believe that anymore." At that point our two little ones came running in from outside asking when we were eating. "Pretty soon guys. Why don't the two of you go upstairs and wash up? By the time you come back down we'll be ready to start making our pizzas." They both ran up the stairs. "Steve, we need to talk and work this out." "Sorry, you've lied to me for ten years. I'm done believing anything that comes out of your fucking mouth." Tears started flowing again. We didn't have time to get into it any deeper watching Robert and Amy come bounding down the stairs, hands still damp from their quick wash. Thankfully, they weren't leaving us alone. Dinner wasn't quiet as the kids experimented with different concoctions on their pizza. I wasn't very hungry. Trying my best to put up a good front, I ate two small pieces. There wasn't anything left in the house to drink, and even if there was I wasn't going there tonight. I needed my wits about me for what was going to probably happen later. Everyone helped in the kitchen and by seven the dishes were in the dishwasher, the leftover food put away, and the kids had their dessert of chocolate chip cookies and milk. They and I headed for the den to watch a little television. There was no way I was going to get stuck alone with Heather again. She joined us a little later but sat on a chair rather than the couch with us. For the next hour she stared at me. I knew that look. I could almost see the gears turning in her head. She had tried the tears, since that didn't work she was making plans for her next assault, but it wasn't going to work either. I would have loved to have left and checked into a motel, only there wasn't enough extra money for an extended stay, and I'd miss my kids. We had a three-bedroom house, so there wasn't a spare bedroom to go to. I started thinking about my options. We didn't have a basement, and the garage wasn't something I was going to even consider, that left the den. Because of the size of the room it only had a small couch and two overstuffed chairs. There wasn't a chance in hell I could sleep on the couch, which left the blowup bed we kept on hand for overnight guests. My mind was going a mile a minute and I knew as soon as Robert and Amy went to bed Heather would start in on me again. I had to be prepared. It was shortly after eight thirty when the kids were finally down for the count, and I was putting into effect my own plans for the night. "Steve, we need to talk," Heather said, watching me pull down the inflatable mattress bed. "About what? I think I heard all I wanted to hear Saturday." "Honey, I've tried to explain to you that it was all a stupid misunderstanding, and in no way do I find you inadequate." The look on her face was that of someone pleading their case before the high court hoping against hope not to receive the death penalty. She knew she'd screwed up big time. I grabbed the blow-up bed and headed for the den. "What are you doing with that?" she asked, then realized what was happening. "Steve, come to our bed, we can work this out," Heather said, grabbing for me when we hit the den. I turned, gave her an ugly look, she immediately removed her hand from my arm. "The only reason I'm even in the house right now is because of Robert and Amy. If I had my druthers I'd prefer sleeping at the Super 8 than in the same house with you, but I can't see spending the money when I have a perfectly good alternative," I said, watching the bed expand. "I told you Saturday that there is no way in hell I ever want to touch you again, or have you touch me. Just the thought of it makes me gag. Did you think I was fucking kidding?" She started to protest at what I said. The anger spewed forth from me like vomit. "Look, keep it up and I will get my ass out of here. Heather, you disgust me and right now you're fucking dead to me." She stepped back at that statement and gasped. "You've got your fucking toys and your memories of BRIAN to keep you warm at night so leave me the fuck alone. Wait, now that I think about it, I always wondered why some nights you were tight and others loose as a fucking goose, at least now I fucking know. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to get my new sleeping quarters set up." I turned my back on her to put the sheets and a blanket on my new bed. When I turned around she was gone. I didn't sleep much better Monday night than I had Sunday. I was still royally pissed and had more questions than answers. I thought we had a pretty decent love life right out of the blocks. I was average, but hell, most guys were as far as I could tell from the showers at the gym. I wasn't going out of my way to compare myself to anyone there, maybe I should have. My ego up until Saturday wasn't at all fragile because I was taking care of business—so I thought. Now I was second-guessing everything about our marriage. If she was lying about our love making what else wasn't she telling me. I felt angry, jealous, and hurt that she never confided in me, and now I felt like I couldn't trust her anymore. However, what had started creeping into my mind was the unthinkable, up until Saturday anyway. Was she or had she ever cheated on me? I thought not, but now I wouldn't stake my life on it. The rest of the week sucked. We didn't even live like roommates because even roommates talked to one another. My anger had subsided somewhat, but I no longer looked on her as the love of my life. She was only the mother of my two children. I was almost sorry when Friday rolled around because I'd be stuck at home with Heather all weekend. My kids were going to be there, but I would bet there was going to be a lot of pressure from Heather to talk about our current living arrangement. Saturday morning the kids had cold cereal, I had coffee and toast. Heather never made her presence known until almost nine. I was just finishing up and mentioned I'd left her coffee in the pot. I couldn't read her reaction, although I wasn't paying her much attention. I just wanted out of the kitchen, so I headed out to the garage to do something, anything to keep my mind off the matter at hand. I stayed away from her all the way up until dinner. I did hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. Heather added the cold slaw and a bean salad. A dish of ice cream and a Netflix movie rounded out the rest of the night. Neither one of us really watched the movie. When she wasn't watching me, I was watching her. She wasn't happy and neither was I, though I didn't have a clue what to do about it and wasn't sure if I even wanted to. Once again I slept downstairs in the damn den. I played on the Internet with my work laptop even looking at a few risqué sites. I was still a healthy male even if I hadn't had sex or so much as a kiss in over a week. Sunday through Wednesday I did on autopilot. We talked when the kids were present, but when they weren't I ignored her as much as possible. Just being in the house together was damn hard. That wasn't the only thing that was getting hard. It was Thursday about seven when out of the blue David called. "Hey buddy, you up to having a cold one with a couple of friendly faces?" I told him, "Hell, yes," and was out the door thirty seconds later, without a word to anyone. Rick's Tavern was over on Ninth Street, three miles away. It didn't take me long to get there. David must have called from the bar because he, Roger, and Keith, were already half finished with their beers. "Set my friend up a Corona, will you?" David told the bartender. I grabbed it off the bar and took a long draw off the bottle. "Damn, that tastes good." "From what little I've heard from Sue, I figured you might need to get out of there for a few hours. Things still a little tense on the home front?" David inquired. "A lot more than a little tense. We're together in the house, but apart in most regards. She has her bedroom and I have mine. The kids know something is going on. I'm grateful they're still too young enough to understand the bullshit going on." "You guys doing any talking yet?" Roger asked. "Heather opens up her mouth, words fall out, but I don't believe ninety percent of what she's saying. If I told you I never had a fucking inkling would you believe me? Jesus Christ, now I don't have a fucking clue why she married me." The next swallow finished number one. The bartender brought a quick replacement. "For what it's worth, Beth says that Heather is miserable and regrets what she said," Roger offered up. "Let's be real, the only thing she regrets is getting caught. If I hadn't been in the kitchen doorway I'd still be the deaf, dumb, and blind Steve, still being led around by the ring in my nose." My anger was bubbling up again. "Are you two still going to try to work it out?" Keith asked once more. "Rhonda feels bad about the whole thing happening at our house, but says you should suck it up and get over it. I told her that if she'd said that about me, I'd be in fucking jail for spousal abuse. What don't these women understand?' "Here, here!" we all said together. "Right now I don't even know if I want to get back with her. Don't get me wrong, I still love the bitch, but she sure as hell isn't the woman I thought I married." Roger downed his shot of whiskey and offered his opinion. "No wife should bad mouth her husband to anyone, especially in public. If she has a problem with him, she needs to talk to him, not her fucking girlfriends. Beth and I had words on the way home Saturday about the crack she made about the length of my you know what. It hasn't changed in length one iota since she first met me. If she wasn't satisfied with me way back, then why did she agree to marry me?" "Damn straight!" I shouted in agreement. "But at least Beth told everyone you were an animal in bed; mine just said I was fucking lame. I guess over the last ten years she'd perfected her lies so well that when told me I satisfied her I believed her. No more," I told my friends. David was next to offer advice. "Well, don't do anything stupid that can't be fixed. Even though I know you're still pissed at her, I also know you still care for her. I'm just saying to give it time. Just don't let Heather get under your skin or force you into something you're going to regret later." We drank, we bullshitted, they gave me more advice, and two hours later we were all heading back to our happy homes and wives. That is everyone but me. I didn't consider Heather a loving wife any longer. "Where have you been? I was worried about you," Heather said when I walked in through the garage door into the kitchen. "Just had a couple of beers with a few of my friends," I replied in a non-confrontational tone of voice. I did not want to get into it tonight. "Well, you left in such a hurry I thought there might be something wrong. I'm just glad you're back. You know, if you want to talk, I'm available twenty-four hours a day." She smiled at me. No matter, it wasn't like it was before. "Maybe later, right now I think I need to go to sleep more than I need anything else." Heather was still trying to smile and look positive even as I walked into the den. I didn't sleep. Hell, I hadn't had a decent night's rest since this whole nightmare began. I would have given anything to go back to that Saturday afternoon and have picked the long straw. That way I wouldn't have heard what was going on in that kitchen. So what if I would still be clueless, it would be a lot better than what I'm currently going through. I would still love my wife to death and get a woody every time she gave me that come hither look. Now when she tries to give me that look, all I can think about is what are her real motives, can I satisfy her, and who is on her mind—that fucking Brian or me? Damn I hate that name. The next three weeks, as slow as they went by, were something of a blur. I barely remember much of what happened around the house. I think I was starting to get used to our new normal. Heather still wanted this problem resolved and put behind us and was starting to push me to come back to what used too be our bedroom. I kept telling her I wasn't ready, but like always she wasn't listening. It wasn't like I took Heather away from Brian, she dumped him after what I'm told was an ugly weekend. We hung with the same large circle of friends in college. We knew each other by sight and name, other than that not very well. I thought she was hot from the first time I laid eyes on her. I had a thing for blondes and her shoulder length blond locks were the first thing that caught my attention. Then when I stared into her bright, teal blue eyes, I was hooked like a fifteen-year-old high school kid looking at the girl of his dreams. I was casually dating someone on and off at the time, but after seeing Heather I forgot all about her. I can't say I was obsessed with Heather, only that I always found a way to talk with her whenever we were at the same party or other function. I would smile, put on the charm, and take whatever time I could get. That is until Brian started to feel neglected and pulled in the reins. Physically Brain and I were almost total opposites. Brian was tall, good looking, had a full head of long flowing dark hair, and usually sported two days facial growth. Most days you could find him at the gym, instead of class, proudly showing off his six-pack to every girl he came in contact with. To this day, I can't remember him ever having his shirt totally buttoned up. I, on the other hand, am about five foot ten, with short brown hair, pretty average in most areas, and let's just leave it at that. The other thing that set us totally apart was that I was smart and he wasn't. I did say I was good looking, didn't I? I was in college to do one thing: graduate high enough in my class so I could get a good job and not struggle for the rest of my life like my parents had. Since neither one of them had gone to college, they wanted to make sure I had the opportunity they never got. There was no way I was going to let them down after what they sacrificed for me. So after giving up my pipe dream of being a football great I put all my effort into my studies. By the time I finished my junior year I had a four-point grade average. I was going places, at least I hoped so. Over that summer I had the opportunity to do an unpaid internship at a local marketing firm. At first I felt a little out of place being so young and inexperienced. After the first week I found everyone to be so nice I soon felt more at ease and part of the group. Did I have ground breaking ideas that set the firm on its path to instant success and riches beyond their wildest dreams? Get a grip, this was the real world and I was a lowly intern! My job was to keep my mouth shut, help wherever I could, and learn from people who had fifteen plus years experience, and learn I did. Most people work hard and some even go beyond what's expected of them. However, no one I saw there was driven. They all had been there long enough that just doing their job kept them from getting fired, so they'd become a little lackadaisical. Not me, I had something to prove. Although it took most of the summer, I did end up suggesting a few ideas I thought were a bit out of the box. They wanted me to stay until after the first of the year, but I told them I had a degree to finish and unbeknownst to me at the time, a girl to woo. Thankfully, over the summer Brian had been his usual asshole self and Heather had about reached her limit with him. "Steve, where have you been? I've missed you," she said with her heart-melting smile. "I did a marketing internship and worked part time at a printing company at night to save up enough for this year's tuition. How about you? Are you still seeing, what's his name, Brian?" I knew his name, but I was laying the groundwork for getting her to go out with me. "I guess we're still seeing one another," she said almost hesitantly, eyeing me up. "Too bad, I was going to ask to go with me to that jazz festival in the park down by the river Saturday. Cajun food, chilled wine, and good jazz, it's going to be a fantastic night." I'd thrown the bait, oh so close, and I was just waiting to set the hook. The seconds felt like hours as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other as I watched those beautiful eyes never leave mine. "Pick me up at six and don't go broadcasting we're going together, okay?" was all she said. "Steve, I've got to get going, I've class in twenty minutes. See you Saturday." A kiss on the cheek told me all I needed to know. I didn't even have to set the hook. Saturday night was fabulous, spectacular, wonderful, and a dozen other adjectives. I would need surgery to remove the smile from my face. We ate, drank a ton of wine, listened to the music, and strolled along the river walkway. I was the perfect gentleman even though I was hard most of the night. About eleven o'clock we walked hand in hand back to her apartment. I didn't get an invite in, but I did get a kiss with just enough tongue to let me know she'd had a good time. One more peck on the lips and I was heading back to my parents' house, weak in the knees, but with a smile on my face. I'd gotten to first base. Heather was out of my league; hell, she was out of almost everyone's league. She was hit on constantly, but she'd fallen for shithead hard and it would take everything I'd learned about the two of them to win her over. All I had to do was to be was patient and present, and dickwad would cook his own goose. We went out secretly at least every other weekend. Forget dinner and a movie, that's what everyone did. I made sure we did fun, out of the ordinary things. An impromptu picnic at the planetarium, a couple's massage class, wine making, and an overnight dinner train ride were just a few of the activities I planned for us. On the train ride she ended up sleeping on my shoulder in the upstairs observation car while I inhaled every scent her body gave off. We were made for one another, and at five foot seven she fit perfectly in my arms when we danced. Although I'd only caught a few glimpses here and there of her body, what I saw was more than okay with me. "I've got tickets to the New York Ballet Company for Sunday afternoon, if you're interested," I told Heather on Thursday night. There was a pause—I didn't like the look on her face. "Brian and I are going away for the weekend, otherwise I'd love to go with you," she said almost sadly. "No problem, I'll just find someone else who wants to go." This time I couldn't even force out a smile. "Maybe we can go next time they're in town." She started to say something else but stopped herself at least twice. "Yeah, next time for sure. Look, I've got to run, I've got a million things to do." I got a half ass kiss for my trouble, and then she was gone. Barb was known as someone who was easy when she was in the mood, a boyfriend stealer, and best of all; Heather hated her with a passion. She'd thrown herself at Brian on more than one occasion even while Heather was standing right there next to him. Guess who went to the ballet with me Sunday? Barb was smart, articulate, and knew her ballet. We both dressed to the nines and had a fantastic time. I probably could have gotten lucky after taking her to dinner, but again I was the perfect gentleman. In the hallway in front of her apartment we kissed a bit, and indirectly I found out her ample breasts were real. I was invited in, and though I really could have used a little sexual relief I turned her down. Had I said yes, I don't think I ever would have made it home that night. I was so damn horny my balls weren't just blue, they were purple. Doing it with someone warm and soft to get a little relief was one thing, doing it with someone you cared about, that was something special, and that's what I wanted. Big Mouth Ch. 01 When Heather came back I all but ignored her the first part of the week. It didn't take her long to find out I'd taken Barb to the ballet, and when she saw me having lunch with her at the student union on Wednesday the look she gave me wasn't very special. A couple of friends of ours told me that by Sunday Heather and Brian were doing nothing but arguing. When he called her a bitch, she slapped the shit out of him. Guess I had a much better weekend. Wednesday evening I was upstairs in the library studying for a particularly difficult statistic exam coming up. I was in a zone when I heard my name whispered out. "Steve, do you have a minute?" It was Heather. "Sure, have a seat." I whispered to her, we both had smiles on our faces. "I was wondering if you had any plans for this weekend?" she asked sweetly. Heather was from Mississippi and could turn on that southern charm and twang almost at will, and tonight she was laying it on thick. "Well, Friday night I'm helping Barb study for her math final, but I'm free Saturday night," I said anxiously. I guess she didn't like the fact that Barb was still in the picture. "Well, then make no plans for Saturday night, you and I are going out." It was said like I wasn't being given a choice. "How about Brian? I thought you two were still an item." "Don't worry about Brian. You and I are going out Saturday and are going to have a great time, you hear me?" Looking back, I should have picked up on how forceful Heather could be when she wanted something. Heather wouldn't take no for an answer, even from me. After Saturday there was no more Barb, Heather saw to that. We were an immediate item, even out in public. Brian had done what Brian did best and now Heather was all mine, and I planned to keep it that way. Like I'd said before, I was the fifteen-year-old boy that had gotten the girl of his dreams. I was stupidly crazy, and head over heels in love. Three weeks later, in the bedroom of her apartment, we made love for the first time. As excited as I was, I was a bit clumsy at first and thankfully didn't lose it before we even started. I finally got it together, and by the end of the night we were the only ones that mattered. The next six months were something out of a wet dream. We spent so much time together you'd think we lived together. I'd finally gotten to see and taste every square inch of Heather's fabulous body and thought I had finally found my soul mate. To my delight she turned out to be quite daring and we experimented trying most, but not all, of my fantasies. Flavored gels were something that Heather really got off on and if that's what my girl liked, I was more than happy to oblige. We showed each other what we each liked and I did my best to make sure she was satisfied and happy every time we were together. Now that I think about it, was she that good of an actress or was I totally blinded by love? I imagine a little of both. Looking back now, it was always me who was compromising. If she wanted a little oral or a massage, I gave it to her. However, if I wanted a little oral action she wasn't quite as eager or in the mood a lot of the time. She repeatedly told me that she didn't like doing it because I took too long and her mouth got sore, even though when I went down on her for up to a half an hour nothing was ever said about that. Just two months before I was going to graduate I proposed. I think she said yes before I even had a chance to finish asking. I had a great job already lined up, and since Heather was only two semesters behind me, we'd soon start our working life together as husband and wife. Weddings are stressful and ours was no exception. She wanted the wedding of her dreams and that is what Daddy gave her. I was glad to see it over. We had talked about children, deciding we wanted to wait at least three years and be settled first. I was in love. I think that says it all. She was my life, and I was happier year after year. When our children were born I thought we became even closer. A year later I was promoted and was able to swing a home loan on just my salary. We couldn't have been happier. I had a beautiful loving wife, a wonderful family, and a group of great friends to do things with. All in all a life most guys would be envious as hell for. How did it all go to shit? "Steve, are we going to Roger and Beth's this Saturday? Everyone is bringing their kids so we won't need a sitter." I guess Beth didn't want a repeat of last month's fireworks, thinking that with our kids there I'd be on my best behavior. "Sure, why not," I replied almost anxious to get out of this house and see a few friendly faces for a change. "Just try and keep your trap shut this time around, will you?" I knew it was a cheap shot, but I wanted to remind Heather she was the one that started this whole mess and it sure as hell wasn't resolved yet. The ride Saturday was quiet until Robert and Amy got into it in the back seat. "Kids, if you don't settle down we're going home, you hear me?" I was threatening them, knowing full well there was no way I was going back home. "Just sit quietly and we'll be there in ten minutes." I looked over at Heather who was watching my every move. She leaned over and whispered to me, "Please don't embarrass us today. I know you're still angry with me, but for the sake of our children please don't get drunk or cause a scene." She was pleading for an afternoon without any drama. Like always the guys were watching the game and the wives? Well, they were somewhere else. This time instead of drawing straws to get the next round of drinks, Roger volunteered to go. I'm sure no one wanted to see me go off on Heather again. It was a nice afternoon even though the tension was thick. The wives, like every other Saturday, huddled in the kitchen, the children played outside, and us guys continued to relive our college years through the football game. I and everyone else tried to keep things light, joking with one another to keep it from getting too serious. "Steve, you getting any yet?" Keith asked in a crude sort of way. "Or are you still doing it by hand?" He was snickering. "Don't you think you should be asking Rhonda? You know a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." My insinuation brought on a lot of snickers from the rest of the guys, and more than a few catcalls and swear words. I was laughing as Keith called me an asshole saying I should be so lucky. "But to answer your question," I said, looking around before I finished, "we're still not back together yet." "Don't you think it's about time you let this whole thing drop? Hell, if Sue had mouthed off like that, I'd be getting blow jobs morning, noon, and night," David said, puffing up his chest. "Talk's cheap," more than one of us told him. We all knew Sue, and there was no way in hell she would have buckled under even if she had been wrong, and David wasn't one to push it. David himself was on the short side, at just over five feet six. Sue was about an inch and a half taller than he and to top it off also taught aerobics at the local gym. The woman could probably break his ass in half if she had a mind to. "You just keep thinking that," I replied, trying to keep the conversation away from me. Our team lost by two points, still I had a pretty good afternoon. The only time we saw the wives was when they brought out the food and we all started eating. The kids were supposed to stop playing and eat, but like most kids they grabbed a few bites and were back outside. We all talked together while we ate but as hard as everyone tried, there was still a dark cloud hanging over Heather and me. We smiled, tried to act normal, but were fooling no one. On the ride home I looked over at Heather who was staring out her side window twisting her hair. I would love to have been a fly on the wall in the kitchen that afternoon to hear what the wives were talking about. Most of the guys agreed I was right to be mortified by what Heather had said, but also didn't have a clue how I could resolve my dilemma. That is, with the exception of David who thought I should talk it out and put it behind us. However, coming from someone who is as pussy whipped as he, it didn't hold much credence. "I get sex at least four times a week without begging or even asking. Sue just whispers in my ear that she needs some loving and what am I going to say? Honey, I've got a headache! Please! I'm going to take everything I can get, whenever she wants it. And if that makes me pussy whipped, well, lucky me." He really is a prick sometimes. With the kids in bed later that night, Heather made her move. "Honey, you in the mood tonight? You know, to talk?" I knew what she was asking, and it had nothing to do with talking. "What the hell," I thought. It had been a pretty decent day and what could she possible do to ruin it. I guess I was sliding back into my naïve and stupid frame of mind. So I shrugged and agreed. "Look, I know I've said it a hundred times before, but I'm so sorry about what I said. We were all trash talking about our husbands and I guess I got carried away. There is no way on earth you don't sexually satisfy me. Believe me, I would know." "Well, if that's true, why do you have Brian and the other two if I'm so fucking great in bed?" I knew that would take our conversation off the, 'you are the greatest thing since sliced bread,' scenario she was dishing out. "Steve, sometime I have an itch that only I can take care of, if you know what I mean. It's kind of embarrassing but it's a personal thing, you understand, don't you?" "Oh, I get it," I said, watching Heather start to smile. "That's when you fantasize about being with Brian or one of your other past lovers. Heather, if Brian is the silver one, who in the hell are the other two, especially the big black one? I only wish that when you'd used that one, you didn't pretend to give me sloppy seconds. Thinking back, that really pisses me off now." This, I guess, wasn't the conversation Heather wanted to be having with me right now. "Steve, I never did that to you." "On the contrary, yes, you did. I just want to know if there were any others after we got engaged. All those nights you were studying at school for your midterms and finals, were you studying someone else?" "I never cheated on you!" "Heather, I think we both have a different definition of what constitutes cheating." "So now you're trying to tell me that you never fantasized about being with another woman? Oh please, you're not that much of a saint." "Maybe I do sometimes. But be assured I sure as hell don't do it while I'm making love to my wife!" I was angry all over again. "Steve, I love you. Can't you get that through your thick skull? I want more than anything to go back to the way we were before this all started." "Heather, I also would like nothing better, only I can't get it out of my damn mind what you so casually offered up to everyone. You keep telling me it was just trash talking, but now everything you say I question. Is she lying? Is she telling me just what I want to hear? Heather, I don't have a clue how to get beyond this." "Well, I know a sure fire way," she said, taking me by the hand leading me up the stairs to our bedroom. In my eyes she was still the most beautiful woman in the world. I fell in love with her the first time I laid eyes on her and every day thereafter I fell more in love with her. I just stood there as she peeled off her layers of clothing. I wanted her. I wanted to throw her ass down on that bed and ravish her body until she couldn't move, and it probably would have worked until she opened her fucking mouth walking towards me. "Come here my sweet man, I need your loving tonight." Those were the same words she said to me the night of our ninth wedding anniversary. That was the night I thought I'd rocked her world and was the only man in her eyes. I wondered how many times she'd said those exact words to Brian. I lost my erection and any hope of doing anything more that night. "I'm sorry. It's just not working for me tonight." I said, walking away. "Damn it, Steve, you've got to try. It's been a whole month since we've been together." She just couldn't keep her mouth shut and let me deal with it. I turned around angrily. "We both know it's been going on for a hell of a lot longer than a month! Try ten fucking years! I guess you should have been a better teacher." That, my friends, was the shot heard round the world. After that, Heather gave me more space and didn't pester me more than a couple of times a week instead of every night. I was taking care of my needs and Heather, I assumed, was using her battery operated main man. On Thursday Heather let me know she was going out with a few of her girl friends on Friday, asking if I wouldn't mind watching the kids. They are my kids too, I never minded watching them. "No problem, I'll probably take them out for pizza or something." "Well, don't let them stay up too late." She smiled, but it was forced. It was a long, miserable night. She went out dressed in jeans, a casual top, and sandals, never telling me where they were going. I guess I could have called her cell, but what was the point. She was going out to have some fun, something she wasn't getting much of at home. She and everyone else showed up at our house just after one in the morning. I don't know who drove, but I hoped it wasn't one of the three I saw in the living room. They were all pretty well wasted, and when I walked in the room it looked like they were attempting to call their husbands to pick them up. "Heather, girls, you okay?" They giggled, telling me they'd had a little too much to drink. "Look, don't bother your husbands, I'll drive you all home, I'm up anyway." "See, I told you he was the nicest guy in the world," Heather announced to the other two wives. "And if you're wondering, I didn't have sex with anyone tonight. You can ask them or check if you don't believe me." The other two also piped up that they didn't have sex with anyone either. "I know Roger and Keith will be thrilled to know that." I was not sure why they were sharing this with me, but I played along. I poured all three into my car. I wanted Heather to stay home, but she would have none of that. Both lived within two miles and it took me all of ten minutes to drop them off on their doorsteps. Heather was determined I know she remained faithful to me. "Seriously, you can check if you don't believe me, I don't mind, and I'd probably like it," she said, moving next to me. "Heather, you're drunk and I need to drive," I tried to tell her, while she mauled me in the front seat. "All right, I'll wait until we get home, you party pooper." She was really hammered. It took ten minutes to get her out of the car and another ten to get her upstairs, her hands and lips were in constant motion. When I started undressing her for bed it got a lot worse. It had been so long and she looked so damn good to me. Did I still love my wife? Maybe, but I hated her just the same. It started with one kiss and exploded after that. Tonight, however, I wasn't doing any of the work, Heather was all over me. Brian never entered my mind nor did anything but the woman riding me for all she was worth. I came once and immediately got hard again. This time I lasted a whole lot longer except she was oblivious to everything except getting herself off. After her second scream she rolled off to my right side and promptly fell asleep. I covered her up with a sheet. I went downstairs, poured myself a glass of wine cursing myself for being weak. There was no love making tonight, she used me as much as I used her to get off. True, it sure as hell felt a lot better than what I'd been doing for the last six weeks. I just knew as soon as Heather woke Saturday morning she'd think we'd solved our problems, only we hadn't. The kids were up, fed, and watching cartoons in the den before Heather even stirred. Though she had showered she still looked like warmed over death. Nonetheless came downstairs with a huge smile on her face. "I expected you would still be next to me this morning after what happened last night." She was still beaming. "Heather, we had sex last night, nothing more." "Well, it's a start, isn't it?" "I don't know what the hell 'IT' is anymore," I said. I asked myself why I did what I did last night. "Look, I know we've got problems, and it's all because I went brain dead and disrespected the best thing that ever came into my life. I'll do anything, do you hear me, anything to put this behind us." She had gotten off her chair and walked the three steps to where I was standing. With her eyes watering up, she reached out and pulled me in tight, crying on my shoulder. I may have been angry with her, but I wasn't heartless. She did it to me again. Later that morning I lay there naked in bed next to her trying to remember just how she got me in this position yet again. This time however, it was my turn to shine. I literally tried to pound her ass into submission. If there was any chance we weren't going to be together after all of this, she'd remember this morning for the rest of her life, well, I hoped so anyway. I used lips, tongue, and all ten fingers to keep her up there for the better part of an hour. She refused me nothing. We did things I'd always wanted to try and others we'd never even talked about. I don't think Brian, even on his best day, could have come close to what I'd done that morning. Hell, even I was sore. Heather didn't pass out afterwards this time, but she was still on her back trying to catch her breath. I hope the bitch walked bow legged for at least a week. My thoughts were interrupted by two sets of hands beating on our locked bedroom door. It was almost lunchtime and we were being summoned. I made grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, one of their favorites, and with a glass of milk and a bowl of chips they were happy once again. "Why is Mom still in bed? Is she sick?' Robert asked, his mouth full of food. "Don't talk with your mouth full, and no, your mom isn't sick. She just had a late night and is taking a nap, that's all." If she didn't get up soon I'd have to go grocery shopping by myself, which is something I didn't look forward to. Amy wasn't bad, but Robert wanted everything he saw. He still didn't understand that no means no. This time when Heather came down she was dressed. Even if she'd come down nude, I wasn't going to be baited into doing it again. Don't get me wrong, after six weeks it felt wonderful, it wasn't a husband and wife making love. We just fucked and took care of an immediate need that was all. Heather made it up to go to the grocery store. We looked like your typical happy family. We talked and interacted, even though there was still a black cloud of underlying issues hanging over us. I picked up a few chickens to put on the grill for dinner, a magnum bottle of wine, and a six-pack—I'd probably need that later tonight. Dinner was almost normal. Everyone talked including Heather and I and not just about our kids this time. After dinner the movie they all wanted to watch didn't appeal to me, so I passed on it and decided to fix a few things in the house I'd put off for a while. I had my head under the kitchen sink when I heard her walk in. "Steve, what was with you this morning?" I said nothing, re-tightening a water shutoff valve that had a slow leak. "Don't get me wrong, I liked it, but it was so unlike you." I stopped, "I just can't win," I thought to myself. "For Christ's sakes Heather, did you like it or not?" I could feel the heat rising up from my toes. "I said I liked it, only it seemed like you were trying to make a point. It wasn't the type of love making I'm used to from you." I pulled out from under the sink. The frightened look she gave me when she saw the look on my face was like what I'd seen weeks ago. Big Mouth Ch. 01 "What, now you're comparing me to myself? Will you make up your fucking mind? First you tell everyone I not good enough in bed for you and that you need outside stimulation to get off. Now, I try and take it up a notch and you're still not satisfied? Heather, what the fuck do you want from me because frankly I don't have a clue, and I'm done trying?" The leak could wait. There would be no sleeping in the den or our bedroom for me tonight. I put a couple changes of clothes in an overnight bag and headed out to the garage. Thankfully the kids were still watching the movie and didn't hear or witness my display of anger towards their mother or see me storming out. I was done. Big Mouth Ch. 02 Money or no money I checked into the Super 8 Motel. Heather still was on the "I'm sorry" kick. It didn't cut it with me this time around. After three days, with my office door basically shut most of the day, my boss Rick walked in and shut the door behind him. "You okay?" he wondered, leaning with his back against the inside of the door. "Not really, but I'm here." I wasn't in any mood for small talk and it looked like he wasn't either. "No. You're not. You may be here physically, but mentally you're somewhere else. You want to talk about it?" "Not really, Rick. I'm going through a rough patch on the home front and moved out of the house Saturday night. I'm holding it together, barely." I didn't want to give him or anyone else the details. I was too embarrassed. "Well, our health insurance covers counseling and I highly suggest you take advantage of it. Steve, what you do or don't do around here affects this whole firm and right now, everyone is walking on eggshells around you. I, on the other hand, don't have that luxury." He handed me a slip of paper. "Set up an appointment through H.R. and get your head and ass wired back together. I need the old Steve back, understand?" With that last statement he was gone and the door shut again. So much for thinking I was hiding my problems. Why did it have to be a damn woman? I should have asked for a guy. Knowing our cheap insurance plan though, I probably wouldn't have been given a choice. Dr. Reynolds looked to be in her late forties and although she smiled when greeting me, I knew neither one of us would be smiling after the session started. Our first two sessions mostly brought her up to speed on what happened and where I currently stood on the matter. She didn't agree or disagree, she just let me talk and vent. "Being a woman I don't think you can fully understand how her words affected me. My damn ego and self respect were trashed, and besides her lying to me all these years, I feel like I've been played from day one." "I heard you say Heather told you she was just trash talking with the other wives and she didn't mean what she said. Are you not believing her?" "Yeah, I've heard that explanation a couple of hundred times over. I just don't know what to believe any more. I thought I knew her, now after finding Brian and the other items, it just gives more credence to what I heard her saying. I don't know how I can get past this." "Do you still love your wife?" "Dr Reynolds, that's a tough one. I still feel something for her, but she shattered my image of what I thought my marriage to her was. I think I hate her right now more than anything else." I was being truthful. "Well, Steve, what do you want? Do you want to try and patch things up, start over again, or is your marriage beyond repair in your eyes?" I guess she'd hit the nail on the head, something up until this moment I didn't even want my brain to consider. Did I really want a divorce? "However, before you make any decisions I highly suggest couples counseling before you take that final step, that is unless you don't even want to try anymore. I propose bringing her in here with you and listening to what she has to say. What do you have to lose at this point?" She was right, we needed to talk, but I wasn't sure if her office was the right place. I sent Heather an e-mail the next morning when I got to work. "Heather, we need to talk and it can't be at the house with the kids there. I propose meeting at Tony's after work on Wednesday. Midweek it won't be busy and we can get a booth in the back away from everyone else. I want to caution you though, leave the bullshit home or it's going to be an early evening." It was time for some frank discussions. I was early and was sitting at the bar having already finished my first beer by the time Heather walked in. She looked great, she always did, but she didn't have the same affect on me she'd had months ago. I waved to her and we were seated in the last booth in the back. After ordering and getting our drinks we told the waiter we need a few minutes. "Heather, you look nice this evening," I said, knowing I needed to set the mood or tone of the conversation. She had probably spent a couple of hours getting dressed and putting on her makeup, everything was flawless. "Thank you, honey. You look pretty good to me, too." She now had a huge smile plastered across her face, too bad it wouldn't last. "I've been seeing a counselor the last couple of weeks to somehow try to get a handle on what's happened between us. I've had a chance to look at it in a different light, get her perspective on it, and to think about what I want going forward." Her smile was now gone, replaced with a look of seriousness. "Heather, I'm having a hard time believing you anymore." When she tried to say something, I held up my hand and told her she could speak when I was finished. "I've heard all the excuses, reasons why, and I probably would have believed you if it weren't for what I found in your night table. Frankly, that in itself negated everything you told me." She tried again to speak. I held up my hand telling her again I wasn't done. "I think I still love you and would love to get back to where we once were, except I'd always have lingering doubts in the back of my mind that I wasn't really doing it for you. I'd like to say love is enough for me—it's not. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine we'd be at this point, and for the life of me I can't see a way to erase these doubts from my brain. Last Saturday morning I gave you all I had and the best you could come up with was to say you liked it? Liked it! Jesus Christ, you should have loved it! Maybe if you had said that we wouldn't be here talking about what's next for us. I guess from day one I never measured up to Brian. Tell me, was it fair to me to be judged without being told? You could have said something, you never did, and stupid Steve just went on year after year thinking you were happy when you weren't, not really." Her eyes started to well up. "Steve, I love you." "No, you don't, Heather. You love the idea of the Steve you created in your mind, not the Steve who found out your dirty little secrets." "Steve, a lot of women use vibrators." "But they don't fucking name them after their old boyfriends." "Steve, no matter what you say, you do satisfy me and always have. I don't have a clue how to get you to believe that." "Heather, neither do I, and I can't stay married to a woman who can't get off without fantasizing about one of her old boyfriends or someone with a huge cock." Now I was thinking about the huge black dildo I'd found." "So you're saying you want a divorce? Steve, I haven't cheated on you, I never have," Heather insisted loudly. "But, you weren't honest with me either." "I'll never agree to a divorce. You want to break up our happy home because you heard something said in jest and it bruised your ego? What would I tell the children? Daddy heard Mommy joking around and now he doesn't love her anymore. Steve, get a grip." She just didn't get it. "Heather, how would you feel if I told all my friends that you were a lousy lay and that the only way I could get an erection was to think about one of my old girlfriends? Wouldn't you get a little self conscious?" "Steve, women's egos aren't connected to our vaginas like guys are to their dicks. Besides, I know you. I can get you all worked up in less than two minutes." "And you probably still could, except it would be all physical, not mental like it once was. I considered what we did before making love, which is a far cry from what we did the last couple of times. You fuck a whore, you make love to your wife." I'd said it all. I was done. "So this is it? You're just going to throw away the ten years we've spent together? Christ, I can't believe this is happening. How about if we go to counseling together?" Heather was pleading now. "What's that going to do?" "It will at least give me a chance to show you that you're dead wrong about me, about us." She was grasping for any lifeline right now. I thought about it as her eyes reached out to me. "I may be a damn fool, but okay. Two sessions with the same counselor I've been seeing, although I think it's a waste of time." When the waiter came back all we ordered were drink refills. I think we'd lost our appetites, well, I know I had. It was Wednesday at ten till four. I was in the waiting room when Heather came rushing in. "Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic." Introductions were made and after a brief statement by Dr. Reynolds, she told Heather to tell her side of what happened. By the time she was finally done we only had fifteen minutes left. "Steve, it looks like you heard exactly what your wife said. Now the only problem, as I see it, is the fact that you still don't believe her explanation of why she said it." I was at least hoping Dr. Reynolds would say it sounded like a crock of shit to her also, but she didn't. I guess I was still on my own. "I want you to spend the next week talking to each other. Not just the surface issues but also the deep down problems in your marriage as you both see it. Please, have enough respect for the other to not say exactly what you think the other wants to hear because they'll end up seeing through it. That will only push us further back. I'll hopefully see you both a week from today." I moved back home, and it was one hell of a long week. I talked and Heather argued telling me I was wrong. She had purchased the toys at various adult girl parties over the last couple of years, reminding me that we'd used the flavored gels on more than one occasion. Naming the silver one Brian was supposed to be a joke. However, I saw no humor in it after dealing with that prick way back when. We talked sex and I asked her straight out what I was doing that she did or didn't like. She still kept to the same story that she liked everything that I did. I did tell her that her performance at times was lacking in enthusiasm, and it was like I was screwing someone who chose not to be there. Was this when she was thinking about Brian to push her over the edge? We solved nothing. I kind of knew we wouldn't. I tried—damn, I tried—but the one time we attempted to make love was a total disaster. Both of us were simply afraid to try and do anything out of the norm. What we did do ended up being pitiful at best. I don't think Heather even got off. She was waiting with Dr. Reynolds when I walked in late the following Wednesday. I'd already made up my mind and figured this meeting was nothing more than a formality. They were talking and Heather was even smiling. "I understand the two of you made some progress this last week," Dr. Reynolds said, making a few notes on her pad. "What progress? We couldn't even get it together and make it work the one time we did try. If that's progress, I'd hate to see what failure looks like." "At least the two of you made an attempt to get together, that should mean something." Before Dr. Reynolds or Heather could say anything further I spoke up. "Look this just isn't going to work. I know what I heard. She can tell me it's not what she meant until she's blue in the face, I don't think I'll ever believe her." "Steve, can you really say you don't love me anymore?" "Heather, I still feel something for you, but I'm damn sure it's no longer love. You and your big mouth killed that, thank you very much. I think we're delaying the inevitable and maybe it's time we face the fact that we're never going to be the happy couple we once were." There, I'd said it out loud. "Isn't there any way I can prove to you that you're wrong?" Heather asked, almost in tears. "What in the hell could you possible say or do that would make me believe you again? It's over." "Steve, there is one way, even though it's not totally accurate a hundred percent of the time." We both looked at Dr. Reynolds. "Heather could take a lie detector test. As I said, some people don't believe in them, but I'm told there are people out there that swear by them." "Steve, I'll do it if it means you'll believe me again." I wasn't so sure this was a good idea. The rest of the hour was spent talking about the what if's and the maybe's. Before we left we got the name of four reputable technicians in our area. I still wasn't sure this was a good idea, but Heather was sold on it and Dr. Reynolds kept asking me what I afraid of was. "Okay, but Heather you pick the one you want to use." This way if it goes sour she won't be able to blame me for picking the wrong person." All the way home I thought about how the results would affect my life. On one hand I could get my wife back, and that in itself might be worth it, but on the other hand it could also seal the fate of my marriage. Well, it was going down fast right now, at least I'd finally know the truth. Luke Morgan was forty-three years old and had been performing lie detector tests for almost seventeen years. He prided himself on having the most up to date equipment and of the four choices he seemed to be the most professional. "Mr. and Mrs. Moore, just a few points before we go ahead and schedule your appointment. First, it will be just your wife and me in the room when the test is given. I want her to be as calm and stress free as possible. Secondly, the questions must be geared to only yes or no answers. Finally, I will need a couple of hours to analyze the data. The two of you will have the results that afternoon. Do you have any questions?" "Do I wear anything special for the test?" my wife asked. Leave it to a woman to ask a question like that. "Just loose fitting clothing. And I do ask that twelve hours in advance there are no arguments or anything else to elevate your emotional levels." "Can we have sex?" Heather asked. "If you both agree, I see no reason not to." Like that was going to happen, I thought. "Steve, you will have to give me the questions you want me to ask Heather prior to our session. Remember they have to be able to be answered with a yes or no only." "I've only a few questions. Heather won't be seeing them until we get here, that way she won't have a chance to think about them and practice her answers." Luke had seen it all over the last seventeen years, especially if one of the parties had issues with their partner. "Heather knows basically what I need answers to, but there are a few others I need reassurances on." My wife started looking a bit worried. Luke continued to clarify the procedure. "I've got a list of standard question I start out with to establish a benchmark, like the color of her hair, her age, and the names of her children, before we get into the ones you want answers to." We set up the appointment for early Friday morning, that way we'd have the weekend to think about the test results. We were both feeling anxious waiting for Friday morning to arrive. She kept insisting that this would finally put our troubles behind us. I was hoping she was right. The only thing left was to finalize the questions I wanted answers to, which in itself scared the shit out of me. Every time I looked at my list I got a pain in my gut. Well, at least I'd finally know. I was too hyped up to eat Friday morning. I forced down a cup of coffee, that was it. Heather got the kids off to school and by eight fifteen we were on our way to Luke's office. She looked relaxed, and I made sure not to do anything to disrupt that, I just wanted it over. "Steve, you can either wait in the lobby or leave and come back in about an hour, your choice," Luke said, after looking at my list of questions. "About an hour? That long?" I asked, thinking about the five questions I'd given him. "I'm not going to rush this, especially after looking at what you need answers to. I will probably ask a few easy non-stressful questions in between to lower your wife's stress level." Whatever, he was the expert. I just drove around in an attempt to keep my mind off of what was happening. I kept looking at the digital clock in the car slowly ticking off the minutes. After thirty-four minutes I headed back to the office, my stress level was at an all time high. Maybe they had finished early. They hadn't. I sat there looking at my copy of the questions I'd given Luke: 1.Do you love me? 2.Have you ever physically cheated on me? 3.Was Brian a better lover than me? 4.Do you ever think about your past lovers when we're making love? 5.Do I sexually satisfy you when we make love? 6.Do you want to stay married to me? I was sure I already knew the answers to a couple of them, but as long as we were taking it to this level I might as well get some assurances for my peace of mind. Fifteen minutes later Luke and Heather came out of the back office. From the look on their faces I couldn't tell how it had gone. "Well?" "Steve, we're done. I need to review the data. I have one other session scheduled this morning. I should have your results in about two or three hours. Do the two of you want to come back in or can I just call you with the results?" I looked at Heather before I answered. "Why don't I come back in at one o'clock this afternoon?" "That should give me plenty of time. Give me your cell number just in case I run into any delays." I gave him both Heather's and mine. "Heather, I've got to go into work to finish up a few items," I told her as we drove back to the house. "Steve, I was a hundred percent honest to every question, you have to believe that." That told me nothing because I didn't ask her what she'd given for answers. I needed to get away from her until after I heard the results. On our driveway I got at least three huge kisses and a, "You know I love you," from Heather before she shut the car door. I waved and headed for my office. I don't know why I even went into work, I was less than useless. I alternated between staring out my office window and my blank computer screen watching the time icon in the upper right hand corner. I was out of there just after noon heading in the direction of Luke's office. I probably should have called because he was out to lunch when I got there. I played on my iPhone until he got back just before one. "You're early," Luke said with a deadpan look on his face. "Come on in and we'll go over the results." It didn't take more than twenty minutes to go over them and have answers to all my questions. He was satisfied that the results were accurate and gave me a copy. He told me to take them to some other technician to read for a second opinion if I wanted. No need, they were about what I expected. I sat in my car with the envelope on my lap until almost three thirty, I didn't have a clue what I was going to do going forward. The only thing I knew for certain was that I had to go home at least for tonight. After that I could decide what I wanted to do next. It was almost four before I pulled into my garage next to Heather's car. I knew the kids would probably be in the house somewhere, so I would get a little reprieve on talking to my wife until they were down for the night. I could see my kids in the den watching something on the TV, and Heather? Well, she was probably upstairs doing whatever. I wasn't ready to look for her just yet. At five Heather appeared casually dressed and asked what everyone wanted for dinner. I could have told her what they wanted, it never changed, pizza. Hungry Howie's was knocking at our door forty minutes later with two large pies. All through dinner Heather never took her eyes off me. She started to say something a couple of times but stopped just short of it coming out of her mouth. We'd have to talk, I still wasn't sure what I was going to say. As I said before, I had expected a few of the answers. Still it didn't make it any easier to see them in black and white. Big Mouth Ch. 02 By nine o'clock both kids were in their beds and I was in the den watching CNN to see what other conflicts were going on outside of my own. It seems the world was even more screwed up than my own life, for now anyway. I saw her standing in the doorway. How long she had been there was anyone's guess. She had this blank look on her face almost like she was trying to read my mind or get a little insight into what was going to happen in a few minutes. "You want to talk now?" she asked, almost afraid of what I was going to say. "Not really, but we might as well," I replied not having a clue how to begin. "Here," I finally said, handing her the test results. She looked at the ten or so pages and then looked back up at me. "I don't understand what do all these lines and graphs mean." "Well, let me give you the short version. To the question of do you love me? Your answer of yes was deemed truthful." She smiled looking rather confident at that. "To the question of have you ever physically cheated on me, you answered no, and that also was judged to be a true statement." Again she smiled, I continued without a smile. "I kind of expected your answer to question number three, 'Was Brian a better lover than me?' but it hurt nonetheless to hear it confirmed by Luke." "Steve, I don't know what to say only that I wanted to be totally honest with you especially after everything that has happened." "Well, I guess you were brutally so, especially after saying that you sometimes thought about others when we made love. It just confirmed what I heard you say that day in the kitchen." "Sometimes I just fantasize about other men like when you eyeball some hot girl at the mall or a busty one at the beach who's wearing next to nothing. There really isn't a difference." "Heather, I beg to differ. I never used my thoughts of another woman to get me off, can you say the same?" The look she gave me told me I was right. "Steve, you're a wonderful lover. Even Brian never got me off every time." "That's supposed to make me feel better, knowing that I'm not totally lame? For Christ's sakes, Heather, do you know what it's like to hear from your wife that you can't satisfy her?" "Steve, I never said that. I told Luke that you do satisfy me. I didn't lie." "Well, do you remember that he asked you that question twice?" She looked at me like she didn't understand what I'd just said. "Heather, he asked you that question twice, he just rephrased it the second time around." "Like I said, he proved I was telling the truth, didn't he?" Heather replied. "Inconclusive. Inconclusive is the best he could come up with from your answers. "That doesn't make sense." "But it does. You just said that even Brian didn't always get you off, and if you were telling the truth that he was a better lover than I, there is no way I've been satisfying you all this time." "Steve, now you're twisting around what I said." "But I'm not. The only question he asked you that he couldn't tell if it was true or not was that one." "He didn't say I lied when I answered 'yes,' that you do satisfy me, did he?" "No, but he couldn't confirm you were telling the truth either." "Stephen Moore, I love you and I know that you love me, that's all that matters." Like with her answer to that question, she was wrong about that also. We talked, or should I say she argued with me for the next couple of hours telling me I was wrong, and this whole thing was being blown totally out of proportion. She kept saying she did love me and that was all that mattered. Luke had confirmed she did love me and she did want our marriage to continue, it was a long night. At two o'clock I told her my brain was mush, and I needed sleep. We slept together, but for me it wasn't the same anymore. Even though I requested some space, by morning we were entangled with one another—so much for space. I lay there awake thinking about yesterday, listening to my wife's soft breathing next to me. She had completely shattered my storybook illusion of what I thought my marriage was. Now, where do we go from here? Do we just pickup the pieces and move on? Can we? Can I? That was the million-dollar question and at seven fifty-five in the morning I had no definitive answer. That didn't stop my brain from going into overdrive. "Why are you watching me?" My wife asked when she opened her eyes and saw me looking at her. "Am I drooling or something?" "No, just thinking about us." "Are you okay? Better yet, are we okay?" I didn't have an answer for her, and after my delay she knew it was better not to push it. She said nothing, just looked at me. I think she wanted to fool around, but didn't know how to say it. Normally I would have jumped at the chance, but nothing in my life was normal anymore. Even though the rest of the weekend was strained, we muddled through as best as we could. Our kids filled in the gaps of silence. Still I was looking forward to going back to work on Monday. The next two weeks weren't much better. We talked, acted like we were a loving family, and even had sex a couple of times. She didn't give me a choice the first time. Heather came out of the bathroom completely nude, turned off the overhead light and flipped on her small night table light. I had on a pair of boxers and without saying a word pulled them off. I thought I was going to lose it when she wrapped her lips around me, but that was just done to get me hard. She threw a leg over me and for the next seven minutes rode me to her heart's content. Physically she was wet enough that I slipped in without any trouble. She made all the right sounds. Her body appeared to love every second of it, and in the end Heather climaxed just as she had over the last ten years. We held each other as we both came down—no matter—it just wasn't the same. She'd proven herself to be an award worthy actress because right now I couldn't tell if she'd really climaxed or if she'd faked it—I couldn't tell before and I sure as hell couldn't tell now. Life was a bitch. For the next eight weeks I smiled and tried to put my marriage back together. Heather was putting forth a hundred and ten percent, while continuing to walk on eggshells around me. We didn't have a marriage. We were simply two people trying our best not to piss the other off. We may have been smiling on the outside, all the while feeling empty inside. I brought it up or more so told Heather not giving her an option. "You want a three month separation? I don't understand, I thought we were doing better?" "Define better, Heather? We talk about nothing of any significance, we do nothing without the kids, and even when we do make love it's almost like it's scripted and planned. There is no real love making like I thought we used to have. It's just raw sex, now we ask the other instead of just going ahead and doing it. We are each afraid of trying or doing anything that might upset the other, and unless I'm wrong, you're not even getting off half the time. You don't ask me to do anything to you anymore, and sometimes you're so wet it's almost like you've already done yourself, and I'm an after thought. I just need to get away from here for a while to get my head straight." "You're just going to leave? How about Robert and Amy?" "I know we can work out some type of schedule. It's not going to be easy on any of us. I just need to get away so I can think." "So, in other words you want to see if you still want to be married to me. Is that about right?" I didn't answer—there was no need. "Do you plan on dating while you're out there on your own? How about me? What am I supposed to do while you're trying to find yourself? Maybe I should be the one to leave, this way I can figure out if I even want you back." "Frankly, Heather, I don't give shit what the hell you do, to be perfectly honest. You started this whole thing. I'm just trying to see if there is anything left of what we once had to start over with. So if you want to go out there and find yourself a big cock and fuck yourself silly, then I say go for it." It was going downhill fast. We were both angry and it was coming out in verbal shots at each another. A full ass-kicking argument is what we had. All our problems were thrown up into each other's face, and by the time it ended I'd packed two suitcases and was on my way to the Red Roof Inn. With my cell off I stewed, fighting the urge to get hammered, knowing it wouldn't solve anything. Tomorrow was a workday and one thing was for certain, no matter how this all washed out, I would need that job to support myself down the road. Sorry, is what we both told one another two days later. Heather still couldn't understand why I had to leave, wondering how we could resolve our issues apart. Truthfully, I couldn't see how we could resolve them together. I would pick up Robert and Amy every Wednesday, and would have dinner at home as a family every Sunday. It was getting expensive being away from home, and a couple of times I almost broke down and went back then remembered that wouldn't solve anything. I went out with one or two of my buddies every once in a while, but they had good marriages. Since Heather and I were no longer a couple, neither one of us fit in with our old group. The women sided with her saying it was nothing more than a bruised ego thing and the guys told their wives that Heather was totally out of line, and in the same circumstances they would have done the same thing. Then I took it up a notch. My self-esteem was at an all time low. After almost two months I'd made the decision—I wasn't going back. Heather had humiliated me beyond all belief, and now I had serious doubts if I'd ever been worth a damn in bed with anyone. Some people might say it was just a guy thing and I should suck it up and go back home, but in my feeble brain I kept hearing those words she spouted off so casually that Saturday. What guy wants to stay married to a woman who disrespects him in that way, not to mention thinks he's lame in bed? "You're shitting me, right? You're going to throw away ten years of marriage because of something stupid I said when I was drinking and shooting the shit with my girl friends? I can't believe you're serious." Heather responded when I told her that I was going to file papers. "I don't want this to be any harder than it has to be. I'll be asking for joint physical custody and we can split up everything fifty fifty." "Steve, I'm going to fight you tooth and nail on this one. Read my lips, I do not want a divorce. Can't you see that I love you?" "You know that's one thing I do believe, it's just that I can't live with a woman I can't satisfy. A guy has to know he's taking care of business in the bedroom, for Christ's sakes." "Grow up, Steve. You do satisfy me in all ways. Okay, so I didn't get off every time we make love but no woman does, and if you don't believe me you can ask most any woman and she'll tell you the same thing. For once, think with your big brain not the little one in your pants." She still didn't get it. I drew up initial papers for her to look at and sent them over to the house. I'm told she immediately ripped them up without even looking at them and handed them back to the server I'd hired. That night she left me an angry e-mail stating if I persisted she would get her own lawyer and take me for everything I had. That wouldn't be too hard because I didn't have much. My kids were now caught in the middle of our ongoing squabble and the effects were not good. They'd become clingy, depressed, and couldn't understand why we didn't all live together. Divorce does no one any good. It was Saturday and I was having a cold one sitting at the bar at one of the local hangouts. I was not in the greatest of moods when a girl walked up next to me and ordered a drink from the busy bartender. We smiled at one another and exchanged a few words. An hour later we ended up at a table laughing and talking. I told her upfront I was married and not interested in taking it any further, she said she understood. We had a great time and by the time we parted company my mood had changed. I left feeling a lot better about myself. Maybe I wasn't the loser Heather thought I was. How Heather found out I'm not sure. Someone had to have seen us and called her. Heather ripped into me asking who the whore was and if she was better in bed than she was. "Heather, we just talked, and no, I didn't sleep with her." I could hear her crying on the other end before telling me how much she loved me and how sorry she was that she ever opened her stupid mouth. Our lives were spiraling out of control. Things started to get even uglier when Heather's father got her an attorney. He told me he had nothing against me personally, but had to protect his daughter's interests. I guess I would have done the same thing if I'd been in his shoes. However, that's when the lawyers took total control, now everything went through them. We no longer had any contact even when I went to pick up my children. Threats went back and forth, and in the end none of the supposed final drafts looked anything like what we'd originally started with. A mediator was brought in and proposed a fifty fifty split, shared physical custody of Amy and Robert, and the sale of the marital home because neither of us wanted or could afford it. Funny, because it was a lot like my original proposal, which Heather's lawyer said not happening. After two months the mediator threw up his hands when we dug in our heels, talking this to the next step. Neither one of us were there when our case came before the judge. It should have been a slam-dunk at this point. It wasn't. The female judge—not sure if being a female had anything to do with it—after reviewing the case, refused to sign off on either one of our agreements. She told our lawyers that she disagreed with the shared physical custody. It meant the children would be relocated from house to house every other week and would have no stability. She didn't like the fact that Heather and I hadn't given couples counseling an adequate chance, and that the financial responsibilities swung in Heather's favor against me, go figure. She pulled both lawyers in. When they started arguing again about what was fair and reasonable I think she had about enough. "Look, I don't care what your two clients want at this point, this is how it's going to play out in my courtroom. First, I want psychological testing done on their two children. They're old enough that all this is most likely having adverse effects on them. Second, the home is not to be put on the market, and the children and Mrs. Moore are to remain there until further notice. Finally, I am ordering couples counseling for a period of twelve sessions. I will require weekly updates, and after all of this if they still want to proceed I will rule at that point. Divorce has gotten too easy, and when there are children involved they usually are the ones that end up permanently scared." "And if our clients don't agree to counseling?" one of the lawyers asked. "Maybe you didn't hear me correctly," the judge answered, smiling for the first time during the hearing. "I'm not asking, I'm ordering it. And, if they happen to disagree or refuse, you can earn your money by explaining to them what being held in contempt means." I'm not sure about Heather, but I wasn't happy about the results. I wanted to move on with my life, and now I was being forced to be tied to her for at a long as the twelve sessions lasted. It wasn't fair, but nothing had been for a long time. I had tried to put away a little money by renting a furnished room with a small bathroom only a half-mile from where I worked. I brought my lunch and walked to work whenever I could. In the interim I was required to pay half the bills, most of the house payment, and leave everyone, including Heather, on my medical insurance. Since I had little choice but to comply with the judge's orders, I'd be in my little furnished room a while longer. The court gave us an approved list of five counselors to pick from. I picked one of the males, Heather picked a female, finally settling on a husband and wife team that only did their sessions in the evening. It looked like my Tuesday and Thursday nights were going to be busy for a while. I hadn't seen or even talked to Heather directly in almost two and a half months. I still saw Amy and Robert twice a week, but as soon as I pulled onto the driveway they rushed out to my car. I never even saw Heather looking out the window. Now, I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting for Heather and our six o'clock appointment. The first change I noticed was that her hair was now dark brown and very short. It also looked like Heather had lost a little weight, even the more than the ten pounds I'd dropped over the last couple of months. There was no smile on her face and she looked almost as annoyed as I that she had to be there. "Heather." "Steve," she replied back, taking a seat in the chair across the room from me. Ann and David Taylor had to be in their late sixties by the looks of them. The meeting room wasn't very large and only contained four chairs set up in a circle. Looks like we'd be close no matter where we sat. "Mr. and Mrs. Moore, I know these sessions were court ordered, but you might be surprised at the number of couples we've helped over the years," Ann said. I guess she was trying to put a positive spin right at the outset. "Since we are required to send weekly reports back to the court, we do expect that the two of you comply with our instructions and homework assignments," David said, cautioning us. "Homework assignments?" I said out loud. "Yes, Mr. Moore, homework assignments. So, shall we begin?" Heather and I sat there looking at one another. "We've read your file, but it's not completely clear as to what started this. Maybe one of you would like to start by telling us how this all came about?" David was now looking at the two of us waiting for one of us to volunteer. "Yeah, Steve, why don't you go ahead and tell them how you threw away a ten year marriage because I bruised your little fucking ego!" Heather said in a sarcastic tone of voice. "Better yet, Heather, why don't you tell them how you opened your fucking mouth to our friends and trashed our marriage. Or why don't you tell them about cheating on me with BRIAN?" "Steve, why don't you go fuck yourself?" "Heather, why don't you? Oh, that's right, you've been doing that ever since I've known you." At that point Ann intervened. "That kind of verbal taunting is not going to get us anywhere. I want to start with each of you telling us what happened, in your eyes. Steve, please start." Heather looked at me. I told them in detail what happened that Saturday afternoon. From what Heather had said to the next few months that followed. "So in other words you were angry with your wife sharing the intimate detail of your sex life?" "Damn right. Especially since I never knew that she was sexually unsatisfied with me." "Steve, how many times do I have to tell you that you were fine in bed?" Heather almost yelled at me. "Mrs. Moore, you will have your turn to speak. Please let your husband finish. I told them how angry I was, saying if I was so damn bad in bed, why had she never talked to me about it. "And you know what the icing on the cake was? When she said if I wasn't doing it for her she'd think about her love making sessions with Brian and that would push her over the top." I was almost spitting out the words looking her right in the eye. "And who is Brian?" Ann asked. "An old boyfriend," Heather offered up. "How old of a boyfriend?" "The guy I was dating when I met Steve." Ann was continually making notes while David kept looking at me and then Heather. Big Mouth Ch. 02 "I take it you didn't like Brian very much?" David asked me. "He was an obnoxious ass who treated her like shit, but maybe she would have been better off to have stayed with him." I was now looking right back at Heather. "This way I wouldn't have wasted ten years of my life on a woman who never had the courage or decency to tell me the truth." I think Heather felt that one. "So in other words she chose you over Brian?" "Well, yes and no. Physically she chose me, but mentally it looks like she never got over him." "What I hear you saying is that Heather emotionally cheated on you?" Ann interjected. "I guess you could say that," I replied. Ann was continually making notes. "Heather, it's time for you to tell your side of this." "Ann, what's the point? I've talked until I'm blue in the face and Steve doesn't believe a thing I say." "Well, appease an old woman and tell me." Heather looked at Steve and began her side of the story. "What Steve heard is what I said, but he never heard what I said before he stuck his head through the kitchen door. He never heard me tell the girls what a great time we had on our anniversary and how I thank my stars every night I married him instead of that ass Brian. They told me I was blinded by love. I told them maybe I was but that as good as Steve is he wasn't perfect either. That was when one by one the wives started talking trash about their husbands. It seemed that everyone tried to outdo the other saying how lame their husbands could be at times. Then I opened my big mouth and the shit started flowing from it. Hell, I was joking around, trash talking, embellishing on everything they'd brought up about their husbands. When I saw Steve in the doorway, I thought he'd just gotten there and hadn't heard the crap I'd laid on the other wives. But he'd heard almost every word of it. The rest as they say is history." "Heather, did you have any of the other wives try to explain to Steve that it was just girl talk?" Ann asked now looking at Steve. "Tried. But he wasn't hearing what anyone else was saying at that point. When I tried to explain the toys he found, and at times I fantasized, he called me everything but a two dollar whore. After that it just went downhill." "I see," David said, now turning towards me. "Steve, do you ever think about other women? Do you have any fantasies that you haven't told your wife about? You know, like a three way with her and another woman? Or how about seeing her screw another guy? Would that turn you on?" "What are you fucking nuts? What normal guy would want his wife screwing some other guy? That's just sick!" "Well, then, how often do you masturbate? A couple of times a week? And who else besides your wife do you think about?" I was caught on that one. What normal guy doesn't do it? And it's just a feel good normal release, I never planned on actually doing what I was thinking about, I loved my wife. "Maybe a couple of times a week, and I'd rather not say what I think about." "So, Is it okay for you to fantasize, thinking about who knows what, but not your wife?" "I didn't name my right hand Lucy or Sue, did I?" "Nonetheless, you still do it," David again pointed out, looking at first me then Heather. "I wonder if the issue here is more of Steve being humiliated in front of your friends, rather than the thoughts that go through Heather's head during sex. We can explore that our next session. Our time is up for today." Thank God, I was thinking to myself. I wanted out. "For next Tuesday I want you to write a letter to each other. I want you to say why or why not you think the divorce is a good idea. We'll meet here Tuesday at six o'clock. I think we made some progress tonight." I literally ran out of that office. In my car my heartbeat finally started to settle down. For the last fifteen minutes I felt like I'd been in an inquisition. I wasn't the person who started this, If Heather had kept her damn mouth shut we wouldn't be going through this. It took me days to get my head and ass wired together. Looking around my meager room I started to get pissed all over again. I wanted my house back and my two children living with me. Let the bitch find someone else—please, just let me go back to being the great father I'd been. I started doing my homework assignment. It took me three days to get it just right. The first day I put it down on paper, the second day I took out three quarters of the ugly things I'd written, and the third day I took out ten percent more, leaving in just enough to get my point across. I picked up Amy and Robert on Sunday and spent some quality time with them. I had nothing at my place so we divided our time between the movie theater and the best pizza place in town. This time I saw Heather looking out the window when I dropped them off. I'm just glad she didn't come out to greet us. I wasn't looking forward to Tuesday. We were supposed to meet twice a week, but David and Ann said we'd start that the third week after we got the initial problems worked out. "Who wants to start?" Ann asked, looking at the two of us. "Shit, might as well get it out of the way," Heather said, pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket. "I think Steve and I should go ahead with the divorce because he no longer trusts or loves me." She folded it back up and put it back in her pocket. "Heather, that was short and to the point. Do you want to expand on it further?" "Not really. Steve doesn't believe a word I say, and frankly I don't give a shit anymore. It's his loss and the he's only hurting himself and our two children. 'How so?" David asked. "Amy and Robert miss him not being there. They'll eventually get over it, and after a while will realize what an ass their father was for breaking up our marriage. I hope they will hate him until he's dead and buried for it." She was looking me right in the eye. "Your turn dick head." "Well, that will be a hard act to follow," I replied, getting out my letter. "Would you two mind if I have the bitch read it?" They looked at each other and then at Heather. Reaching for the letter she snatched it out of my hand. "Hell, give me the damn letter, it was written to me, anyway." "Dear Heather, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you the moment I met you. That look you gave me and your smile told me everything I needed to know. Brian didn't deserve you and I knew if I played my cards right you'd be with me sooner or later. So, I schemed, planned, and connived to win you over and finally thought I had you, heart and soul. I loved you more than my own life. Your love gave me a reason to always push harder and do more than I thought I ever could. When you gave me Amy and then Robert I knew I was the luckiest man on earth. Life wasn't perfect, but I thought our marriage was. Some men look their entire life for their perfect mate, I was lucky to find mine the first time around." Heather stopped for a minute and looked at me. A quick beat later she looked back at the letter and resumed reading. "I thought we could talk about anything, I was wrong. I never knew you felt the way you did about me. I would have gladly given up a kidney, an arm, even a leg to have not been in the kitchen doorway that afternoon. Your words shredded my heart and left an empty shell of a man who minutes before didn't have a care in the world. It would have been more merciful if you'd taken a lover and cheated on me, then I could hate you for something you'd actually done. But you didn't physically do anything, that is the problem. If I'd known, maybe together we could have done something, anything, but you never indicated to me your wants or desires weren't being met. Foolishly I believed I was your soul mate. Maybe I was at first, no longer now. I just want my children and life back. It's my belief that one day I'll be able to fill this emptiness inside me and be whole again. But until that day comes, I need the love of my children to get through this. I don't hate you, I feel sorry for you. One day you'll realize you lost the best thing that ever walked into and then out of your life." I left it unsigned. Heather had tears in her eyes and if I'm not mistaken Ann's eyes were also a little damp. "Steve, you never said if you wanted the divorce to go through." David said, reaching over and taking my letter from Heather. "Does it really matter anymore?" "Steve, everything in life matters." "Yeah, I used to think the same way, no more," I replied. Try as we might, we never came to any resolution, though Heather rarely took her eyes off me, neither did she say a word directly to me. "Thursday I want to talk about what each of you think is best for Robert and Amy. The psychologist is meeting with them tomorrow. Maybe we'll have a little insight into how this is affecting them. Remember I need it in writing, and this week Heather, please give it a little more thought." With that we all headed out. Heather looked like she wanted to say something, but didn't, thank God. It looked like she was still bitter. A look I hated. Why should she be bitter? I was the one whose heart was cut out. "See you Thursday," was the last thing I said before the elevator door closed. I thought I came up with perfect reasons why the kids should live with me. Heather thought the same of her reasons. We each thought we were the better parent, but I had one thing up on Heather. I was planning on moving into my parents' house. They had three unused bedrooms, one for each of us. The kids would have their own room and a full-time adult with them whenever I wasn't around. I was disappointed David and Ann didn't care much for either Heather or my reasons on where the kids should live. They had other ideas of where this session needed to go. Instead of taking about the children, there was question after question from them about Heather and my relationship. I answered them all and truthfully. David and Ann kept on us to open up to one another and we did, but only to a point. "Steve, you keep saying that Heather lied all the time. Besides sex, can you give me an example?" "Look, I can't give you an example, but if she was lying about that, she must have been about other things." "You really are a dick, you know that?" Heather said out loud. "I never lied to you. Maybe I sometimes just didn't tell you the whole truth," she admitted "All right, I'll bite. Give me an example of one of your half truths," I said, folding my arms in front of me. "Okay, did I ever refuse you sex excluding when I was physically sick or had monthly cramps?" I was thinking. "I never did, even when I wasn't in the mood. I knew even if I wasn't in the mood I'd enjoy it anyway, that's just the way you were. You see, I've always needed a lot of foreplay to get off. Sometimes we just didn't have the time, you know what I mean. So, I made sure you got off and I didn't worry about myself. I knew the next time you'd more than make it up to me, and you always did." "So you faked it?" I spit back at her. "Yup, and you never knew." "How many times? Fifty percent? Seventy-five percent? How fucking often, Heather?" "You still don't get it, do you? I didn't do it because I didn't love you; I did it because I loved you too much. Most women would have said NO! Or I have a headache. I wanted to give you pleasure whenever I could. I wasn't pulling the wool over your eyes. I didn't moan and groan screaming for you to fuck me harder. No, we just made tender gentle love. Did I have a mind-blowing orgasm those times? No, but I was satisfied in the fact that I loved you and you loved me and that's all that mattered. But frankly, you did do it for me, and more often than not you had to peel me off the ceiling. I just can't believe you have so little self-confidence in yourself that one stupid statement made by your wife took that all away." She was right about that. I wished she wasn't. Ann wound up our session shortly thereafter. "I know we didn't talk much about the children except each of you stating your ideas of where they should live and why. What we need right now is to keep the focus on the two of you for a while longer before we can even begin to address the children. Next week, I want the two of you to make a tape on what went wrong in your marriage outside of the sexual issues. Also where you see your life six months, a year, and three to five years down the road. I want you to be as specific as possible and cover all aspects of your life." Ann handed us both tape recorders. How in the hell did I know what was going to happen to me. I could tell her what I wanted, but my crystal ball hadn't been too accurate lately—neither had my track record. I just wanted to go back and relive that Saturday. I kept saying that to myself, finally coming to terms that it wasn't going to happen—no matter how much I wanted it. I spent hours dictating into that stupid machine, recording then rerecording, then editing what I'd recorded. We had a pretty fantastic marriage up until our falling out. Work was going great; I was up for a promotion next year when the assistant manager was scheduled to retire. My boss told me I had the inside tract. All I needed to do was to keep doing what I was doing and I had it sewed up. Up until that awful day I had it all. I was still working on my homework assignment Tuesday morning. I thought it sounded lame. I no longer had answers to most of the questions in my life. "Ann is going to be a little late today, but asked that we start without her," David said when Heather and I walked in through the door almost at the same time. I had just come from work and was dressed in my corporate casual normal clothes. Heather, on the other hand, looked like a woman who was going out on a date or maybe to some club. She looked great and sexy as hell. She made sure not to look me in the eye. Looks like someone was planning on having some fun after our session tonight. "I usually ask who wants to go first, but tonight I want the two of you to exchange tapes, go into the adjoining two rooms, and listen to each others recording, then come back so we can talk about what you heard." Our eyes met and we hesitantly handed each other our tape. I sat at the plain wooden desk, pushed play and got more than a few surprises. Holy shit, Heather was leaving after our divorce became final. She was going to quit her job and live with a friend of hers who owned a bed and breakfast in St. Augustine. She had already checked on schools for the kids and was going to buy into the bed and breakfast with the money she made off the sale of our house. She saw herself starting her own business. Finally, she planned on finding someone and remarrying within the next five years because as she put it, "I relish the closeness of giving myself totally to someone I truly love." She was moving on. She was going to be disappointed when she heard what I had to say. Besides looking foreword to my promotion next year, I had no plans for a year and certainly not five years from now. I'd not even thought about the money from the house and just said that I'd do my best to ease the pain my children would feel after the divorce. Looks like I wouldn't be living my life through them. We did agree on one thing though, we both thought our previous life was something out of a fairy tale. Heather said she had been happy, I know I'd been the same. What the hell was wrong with this picture, especially with me in particular? My life was in shambles and I hated it. I walked out of that damn room and met the group in the main room. I threw the recorder on the table and looked at all three of them. "I'm done. Tell the judge I've got nothing more in me, I give up. I can't eat, sleep, and at work I'm basically useless. Heather, you took my friends, my house, and now you're trying to take my children from me. I live in a fucking one room crappy apartment, and walk to work to save money so I can help pay for two separate households. Is it fair? Hell, no, but there isn't a fucking thing I can do about it." "Your choice, you could have stayed, but you chose to leave. No one forced you out," Heather said, standing her ground. "Why didn't you tell me? You're not some shy little girl or a delicate flower. Why didn't you say your needs weren't being met, and don't lay the crap on me that I was the Adonis you'd been waiting your entire life for?" "You would have taken it badly. How could I say that on those few occasions you don't do it for me? Shit, fucking Brian couldn't handle it! That last weekend together I told him straight out although he was good in bed, he was a selfish lover and too often he didn't get me off." That statement made me sit down in my chair. "He told me I was a cold fish, and that there must be something wrong with me because he'd never had any complaints from anyone else. Well, I told him I was complaining. That was the weekend we broke up. When I saw him a few months later, after you and I were a couple, he was still being his big-headed self and mockingly asked if you was doing it for me. I told him you were a more caring lover, and even though you weren't as big, you more than knew what to do with it." I was sitting there listening to a conversation that I never knew happened but should have. She told Brian I was better in bed. "Close your mouth Steve, you're catching flies. " "But..." Look, I'm not saying Brian was a bad lover. Hell, he could put me over the top like no other. But, he wasn't you. Steve, Brian looked at sex as a contact sport. He was going to try and pitch a shutout every night. You on the other hand didn't look at it as sex but lovemaking. Don't get me wrong, being pounded into the bed is great sometimes, but in the long run, I will take your type of love making any day of the week." "But you said Brian was a better in bed!" I reminded her. "Steve, Brian had a nine inch cock and could go on for hours. Once, twice, maybe three times is okay, but I didn't want that kind of love making day in day out. Look, I wasn't lying when I said I need a lot of foreplay and with two kids in the house we didn't always have the time. You did nothing wrong, it was me, not you. Talk to any woman and ask them truthfully if they have a mind-blowing orgasms or even an orgasm every time. Steve, you'll find that most normal women don't. Steve, I'm a normal woman who happens to love you very much and am so very sorry you heard what you did. Hell, you at least took it a lot better than Brian did. He slapped me across the face and I proceeded to try and claw his eyes out, while he pelted me a few more times. It wasn't a pretty weekend." "Why didn't you tell me?" "I am ashamed of what happened. I never told anybody. But over and over I told you that I loved you—you, not him. What more was there to say?" "You said the words, but at the time they were just words." Everyone was now looking at me. "Steve, that doesn't make sense what you're saying," Ann said, writing as fast as she could, looking at her husband David. "After I over heard what I did, I stopped hearing what she was saying afterwards. I guess the best way to put it is I felt I was blindsided. What she said might have been true, I just wasn't hearing anything, anymore. We were both talking a lot but neither one of us was listening to what the other was saying or trying to say. Like I said, we were both hearing just words" "Well, this was an interesting session. Why don't we think about what was said tonight and talk more on Thursday." I nodded, totally drained. I wanted to talk to Heather more—it looked like she had other plans for the evening. Ann and David steered us out. The two of us were left alone in the hall. "Heather, let me walk you to your car," I said, leading her down the hall. What's that saying? The silence was deafening? Big Mouth Ch. 02 "I'm sorry," I started to say when we hit her car. "I didn't know." "How could you? I never told you. I was ashamed to tell anyone Brian had hit me. As far as our lovemaking, I was afraid to bruise your male ego, and look where that got us." Our eyes talked, I wanted more. "You have time for a cup of coffee?" I didn't want it to end just yet. "I kind of have plans," she said sheepishly. "It's okay. I guess I'll see you Thursday, have fun tonight." I said with a stupid smile on my face as my insides turned to jelly. Have a nice night? Where the fuck did I come up with that line? I didn't want her to go out and have a nice time, I wanted her here with me, but I blew that. I cursed myself all the way home. That's the problem; we forgot how to talk to one another. We said words and got it right some of the time but not when it really counted. I'll bet you're thinking that Heather showed up at my place later on and we spent the rest of the night in bed. That only happens in romance novels or the movies, this was the real world and we'd made a mess of the last six months. I did text her before I went to sleep telling her that I loved her. I never got a reply; she was probably busy with someone else. For the first time in ages I went to work full of piss and vinegar. I got more work done Wednesday than I had in weeks. On the way out my boss even mentioned that it was good to see the old Steve back in action. He wasn't back, nor was he was dead anymore. Wednesday night was my night with Amy and Robert, so I headed for the house right from work. They came running out and jumped into the car talking a mile a minute. I was hoping to see Heather, guess I was still on her shit list. We had a great night. We went to a laser tag emporium and had a blast. We all lost, but what the hell, we were together. We went to Chili's for dinner; I was tired of pizza. By eight we were pulling onto the driveway. Heather must have seen us and opened the front door as the kids gave me hugs and kisses before running in. She waved once and shut the door. Looks like I was still on the outs—had no to blame but myself. Heather skipped Thursday's session. When she didn't show I walked out also. Ann and David wanted to discuss last Tuesday's session. Without Heather there was nothing to talk about. Looks like she'd said her piece and we were about done. I wondered who the new man in her life might be. After our session on Tuesday I was going to open my heart up to Heather and tell her I wanted to try again as a couple, but she probably had something or someone more important on her plate. As I told everyone a week ago, I was done. Saturday was self-pity night. I got totally fucked up. So much so I missed my Sunday with my kids. I woke up around three in the afternoon and called to say I was sick, assuring them I'd make it up to them on Wednesday. I never even called to cancel Tuesday's session. Court ordered or not, I wasn't going. She had made her plans and was moving forward, it was high time I got my head out of my ass and started to look ahead to my own future. It was up to me to make myself happy now. Steve you missed yesterday's session," was the call I received from David at work Wednesday morning. "We waited for you for a while, when you didn't show we started without you." "You mean Heather graced you with her presence? I'm shocked." "She said something came up unexpectedly." "Something or someone?" I wasn't mincing words. "David, I like you and Ann, but it appears Heather has already made up her mind about what she wants and it looks like it doesn't include me. I wish her the best. I have to look out for myself now." "Steve, theses sessions were court ordered. You could be held in contempt." "Did you tell Heather that when she missed?" It was quiet on the other end. "I thought not. The woman is always right, gets custody, and the man ends up getting the short end of the stick." "Steve, after that last session... I thought" "So did I, but I guess we were the only ones. We had a good run. Now that it's ended I need to move on like Heather has." I thanked him, he threatened me, I called it a night. Okay, so I underestimated David's resolve. There was a policeman at my car when I left work at five o'clock. "Mr. Stephen Moore?" I nodded, yes. "We have two options as I see it. You can go to your counseling session, or I can take you in to see the judge and you can explain to her why you've decided to go against her directive. And, Mr. Moore, if I were you, I wouldn't recommend option number two." Looks like I didn't have much of a choice. "Can I trust you to go or do I have to follow you there?" "All right, I'll go, but I want it noted it's under protest." He didn't give a shit. "So glad you could join us this evening," David said as I walked into the office. Heather and Ann were already there. "I didn't have much choice, did I?" "But you did," he wasn't smiling. "Shall we begin?" "Bullshit is what I heard for the next twenty minutes. Heather wasn't happy I wasn't saying anything. David was telling me I should tell Heather how I really feel about what she'd said a week ago, and Ann must have been taking shorthand she was writing so fast. "Heather, where did you go after our session last Tuesday night?" I asked out of the blue. "Just out to dinner." "Who with?" I asked, looking straight at her. "Just someone from work." Now she wasn't looking at me. "Shall we continue the twenty questions or are you going to tell me?" "All right, it was a guy from work, but it was just a casual date." "You sleep with him?" Heather looked at David for help. "Steve, I don't think this line of questioning is getting us anywhere. Why don't we address the matter at hand?" "Heather, did you sleep with him, yes or no?" "No, I didn't, but I sure as hell wanted to. I haven't been with anyone is six fucking months and I'm horny as hell. Is that what you wanted to know? How many girls have you been with, Steve? Two, three, twenty?" "Sorry to disappoint you Heather, none." It was once again getting ugly. "Like I believe that," was her quick reply. "You really are a bitch, you know that? And to think I was considering trying again. Well, I hope he at least got lucky Thursday night." I stood up. "Tell your cop friend I'll take my chances with the judge next Tuesday." Both Ann and David started to say something, but I wasn't listening anymore. "Fuck them all," I said to myself as I stormed down the hall. I was tired of being angry and being around people who were making me feel that way. I needed a new life. I got in my car, slammed the door, started it up, put it in gear, and almost ran Heather down, she was standing right in front of it. "Heather, get out of the damn way," I screamed, inching forward. She wasn't moving. "For once you're going to listen to me, and then you can go to hell for all I care." I turned off the car. "Say what you have to say so I can get the hell out of here." I had lost any patience I'd come with tonight. "The reason I wasn't here last Thursday was because I was telling Adam I couldn't see him any more." "And why is that? Because you're leaving soon for St. Augustine, or like me, he couldn't do it for you in bed either?" "I said I didn't sleep with him. I told him I was still in love with my stupid ass idiot of a husband and wanted him back. Dumb reason now that I think about. So now that I've said what I came out here to say, why don't you tear out of here with your dick tucked between your legs because frankly I'm done with it, too." Have you ever heard of a Mexican standoff? That's exactly what we had at this point. Me in my car, and Heather standing in front of it with her arms folded in front of her. "Well? You sure had a lot to say ten minutes ago," she spit at me. "Look, I don't know what you want anymore. You've got your life all planned out and there is no way I'm leaving my job to go with you to run a bed and breakfast. I've worked too hard for this promotion, and I deserve to have at least something go right in my life for a change." "Steve, I'm not going anywhere. Ann told me what to say to get some type of reaction out of you. You're floundering in a pool of self-pity, and she thought that might at least get you a little charged up. It worked. Can't you see you've still got a wife who loves you, why I'm not sure, and two children who are crushed that you're not with them? I'm not perfect and neither are you, and I've spared your feeling far too long." "Spared my feelings?" My blood was starting to boil again. "That's right, spared your feeling so I wouldn't hurt your fragile male ego." Now I was pissed. "Don't put this shit on me, If you would have fucking said something maybe, just maybe, we could have averted this whole thing." "All right, I was wrong. It was my fault, are you happy now?" I smiled for the first time in a long time. "See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" She didn't smile, but I saw the corners of her mouth twitch upwards. "Asshole, you're far from perfect too." I knew that—I just wasn't going to admit it—I was on a roll. "Well, you have two choices tonight," she told me. "We can go back upstairs and do some hard talking or you can leave, give the fuck up, and we can end it right here tonight. Your choice." I loved it when she talked dirty, just not when she was angry. The next month sucked. There were many arguments and resentments brought up by both of us. Frankly, I didn't think we had a chance in hell especially when I told Heather she had to tell all our friends personally I didn't suck in bed. "They already know, at least the wives do." "I want you to tell my buddies that I'm not lame in bed and I do it for you." She was balking at that. "Just think of it as a consequence of having opened your mouth at the wrong time." She did it, but wasn't happy about it. It also didn't help matters when the guys gave me high fives saying they knew all along I was a stud. "Look, I didn't say he was a stud, just that he doesn't suck in bed." Heather said, smiling along with the other wives. She always had to have the last word. Is our life back to where it was before all this happened? Not a chance. Amy and Robert are overjoyed I'm back living in the house, and we still do a lot of what we did when I wasn't living there, especially laser tag. However, our bedroom activities have changed greatly. If Heather's not in the mood, she tells me right out, and if she wants to try something new she's not bashful about asking for it. The one thing I did insist on was getting rid of her three friends. I told her if she needed something else, we'd go together to pick it out, and there would be no naming it. It took me about two weeks, but I finally tracked Brian down. Looking at him it appeared that the six-pack was long gone and his job as a bricklayer was taking its toll on him. The beautiful long hair was replaced with a cropped under baseball cap style, and the two- day-old beard was now probably a month old and kind of patchy looking. He was no longer hot, still big as shit. And I knew, not a chick magnet any more. He didn't have a clue who I was, and when I took out my phone and took a picture he wasn't too pleased. "Who the fuck are you and what the hell do you want?" He asked, not wanting to stop what he was doing to chitchat with a stranger. "Brian, do you remember Heather Clark?" I asked with a smile on my face. "Well, she's my wife and we've got two beautiful children." All right, so I said it a bit sarcastically. "You lost and I won, sucker." "I lost nothing, Heather was a lousy lay." Now he was smiling. "I had a hundred other girls that were much better, and by the way, did she ever learn how to suck cock? She had to be the worst at it I ever had." He was now laughing looking at all the other guys from the crew who had stopped to listen to our conversation, which pissed me off, and then I did something really stupid. I guess I went with my heart instead of my head. Brian was still bigger, stronger, and a lot more experienced at what I then did. I punched him square in the face as hard as I could and in the process I think broke my hand on his forehead, that is before he basically cleaned my clock. I managed to get in a few more punches. It wasn't pretty. If a couple of his buddies hadn't pulled him off me it would have been a hell of a lot worse, something about him killing me and going to jail. I was a fucking mess, his face and hands also looked also like he'd been in a knockdown, drag-out fight. "Tell that cunt if she ever gets tired of your wimpy ass to give me a call, maybe it's not too late for some intense training," he was again laughing as I dragged my ass back to my car. I was beat up, but I hadn't backed down. My hand wasn't broken just a little fractured. I had a chipped tooth, one broken rib, cracked two others, and I probably would have two black eyes. At least I'd managed to protect the family jewels. "You stupid idiot," Heather kept yelling over and over while trying her best to clean me up. My two children looked on in amazement asking what happened to their daddy. "He could have killed you! What on God's green earth were you thinking, getting into a fight with Brian of all people?" "No one disrespects, slaps, or hits my wife and gets away with it." Heather stopped, looked at me, and I saw a tiny smile. "It was a long time ago." "But I never knew." She went quite at that point and between us a new bond was formed. I told Robert and Amy to go get ready for bed. "Well, now that I've got that out of the way, we're definitely going to have to work on your oral skills. You still give a horseshit blow job, and if you expect me to learn what pushes you over the edge, you're going to have to meet me half way." That was the last time I ever heard the name Brian mentioned. And he was wrong on more than one point. Heather gives a mean blowjob, and I'm peeling her off the ceiling at least ninety-five percent of the time. All right, no ones perfect!