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Backsliding

By: bzzzman



I met my wife during our second year of bible college. I thought she was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen the first time I saw her up on stage, singing a solo in the school choir. She wore the most elegant conservative Pentecostal dress I'd ever seen, and despite her obvious attempts at being modest, it sure seemed to cling to her curves in all the right places. I couldn't make out much about her figure except that she was petite and obviously well built. Like all girls in our religion, she didn't wear any makeup at all, so I knew there would be no surprises in the looks department. With these kinds of girls, what you see is what you get. And what I saw was a beautiful young church girl with the most amazing blue eyes that I had ever seen. Women in our church aren't allowed to trim or cut their hair in any way. This girl had the most gorgeous mane of curly red hair you can imagine. My tastes have changed, but in those days I had this thing for girls with really long hair, redheads in particular. It was love at first sight.

I managed to get up enough nerve after the service to go speak to her. I found out that her name was Sarah and she came from a small town in the next county over from where I grew up. It wasn't long before we started dating, or what our church tried to pass off as dating. We hit it off right from the start and within months we were madly in love. Pre-marital sex was strictly forbidden in our religion and since I had high ambitions of being a famous pastor or evangelist one day, I tried my best to keep my hands off of her. Mostly I did okay, even in the throes of passion when we were making out, but it was hard. 

We dated in school for two more years before we finally announced our engagement. After graduation, we had a big nice church wedding in her home church and her pastor helped me get a job offer at a large and growing church in a neighboring state. I decided to take the position as Assistant Youth Leader and her as a Sunday School Teacher and the manager of the church's day care program. It meant moving away from home and our loved ones, but we were young and adventurous and couldn't wait to see what was out there.

We moved to our new home and settled into a life of religious normalcy. I loved my job and she loved hers, especially the young adult class she taught in Sunday school. We were barely older than the kids we pastored, so it was a great job for us. At home, things couldn't be better. We were both raised that sex was for procreation and not necessarily for pleasure and we both wanted a large family. It was what was expected of us. We may have been ultra conservative in our dress and behavior, but we still wanted the American Dream.

That first year was marital bliss. I quickly rose up the ranks and was offered the position of Youth Pastor after the one we had got caught with one of his students. It was a huge church scandal, but it opened the door for me, so I took full advantage of it. At home, Sarah kept things interesting. Sex was good, if not frequent. We were trying hard to have children, but after a year of trying, we still hadn't had any luck. When we finally visited the doctor, we received the first real blow to our marriage... I was shooting blanks and we wouldn't be able to have any children.

To be told that I was the reason we couldn't have children really put me into a tailspin of depression. Having kids was the centerpiece of my plans to one day pastor a large church. Our church was strict with legalism and if you were to be the head of the church "family", then you were also expected to be the head of your own family. Although I was depressed about the situation, Sarah tried her best to cheer me up and keep me focused. She argued that we could always adopt and that if God really wanted us to have children, He'd find a way. With her encouragement, I kept going through the paces and continued to build my youth group. Soon, I had one of the largest and active youth groups in our district. I was on track to continue to move up the ladder and I was confident that I would, especially when Sarah was offered the position of Sunday school director. 

Not long after we got the news about our inability to have children, I got a bit of good news. The senior pastor was retiring and his son was moving up to the position, leaving the assistant pastor position open. I was first in line for the new AP position, so it came as no surprise when the new pastor called me into his office. What did come as a surprise was when he told me that he was giving the assistant pastor position to someone fresh from divinity school. 

I was absolutely devastated and consequently, I let it affect my youth ministry. Within weeks, I was called into the pastor's office again. This time I met with both the senior pastor and his new assistant. I knew things weren't going to have a happy ending. To make a long story short, my ministry was called into question, I was offended, words were passed, and I was fired.

If Sarah had her hands full with me before, she really had problems now. I was incensed and I wanted us to move back home immediately. She refused. I don't know why I was so surprised that she wanted to remain in her position at church. We were raised that a woman was subservient to her husband, but only as long as it coincided with the wishes of the church itself. My leaving was a sign of rebellion and she could have no part in my spirit of rebellion. I asked her to choose between me and the church. She chose the church. As she became more devoted to her church, I began to rebel even more.

I did manage to find a decent job as an assistant manager at a Harley Davidson dealership downtown. We both had decent jobs, so the financial situation was stable, but I still feared our marriage was headed to a bad end. I resented the fact that she stayed at our church against my wishes, and she obviously resented my sinful nature. I even considered leaving her, but to be honest, I still loved her and didn't want to imagine life without her. Our sex life, while always conservative, had become cold and nonexistent. We became strangers in our own home, barely speaking as we passed in the hallway. 

Slowly, as I became more comfortable in my job, I began to make changes. I'd lost all interest in church completely and turned my back on my old dreams of becoming a famous pastor. I started to hang out with the guys at work more and more and I let some small minor sins creep into my life. I started to curse more and more and I got a kick out of the dirty jokes the mechanics in the back of the shop liked to tell. After work I'd hang out with the guys, telling dirty jokes, talking about women and sex, and drinking the occasional beer. On Fridays, I started stopping off with the sales manager at a local sports bar to have a drink or two before going home to Sister Christian the Ice Queen. 

When I was youth pastor, I had bought a fifteen passenger van with my own money to haul the youth to different events. When I was fired, I kept the van out of spite. I sold it and bought a very nice vintage Harley Davidson hog. Before long I had almost completely stopped driving my pickup to work and rode the Harley everywhere I went. I was slowly immersing myself in the biker culture and it began to show on the outside as much as the inside. I grew my hair out until my close cropped preacher's hair was replaced by long loose curls, brushing the bottom of my collar. I stopped shaving and grew a long mustache and soul patch under my bottom lip. I'd always been fairly slim and somewhat muscular, but I'd started going to the gym during our lunch hour with my manager and my muscles were toned and ripped. When I wasn't at work, my suits and ties were replaced with faded jeans and tight t-shirts. 

As I made these changes and more, I knew that they would push Sarah even farther away, but I didn't care. I didn't give a shit about her misguided view of Christianity anymore and I was determined to do what made me happy. Although strictly forbidden by our old religion, I bought a big nice HD TV. When I got home from work, I'd eat dinner, take a shower, then settle in for a night of college football or a good movie. Sarah would usually refuse to enter the den when I had the TV on. I guess she didn't want to be corrupted. I took it all in stride and continued to do what made me happy, my prudish conservative wife and the devil be damned. 

My drinking after work became more and more frequent and it was only a matter of time before I brought my new love home with me. I thought the first case of beer Sarah found in the fridge was going to be a divorce for sure. It did erupt into a huge fight, but in the end we just let the issue lie. She knew she wasn't going to change me and I knew she was much too brainwashed by her idiot of a pastor for me to change her. We were at a stalemate, but since I was still paying most of the bills, there wasn't much she could say.

It wasn't long after I became bold with my changes and my new life of sin, I started to notice a few chinks in Sarah's own armor. It started slowly. She would wander into the den when I was watching a college football game and sit down beside me. She still didn't say much, but she would curl up on the couch and enjoy a glass of tea and some popcorn while I drank a few beers. Beer invariably made me horny and I still found my wife amazingly attractive. I'd find myself rubbing her bare legs that stuck out from the long jean skirts she preferred. She didn't resist and my rubs turned into heavy petting. Soon, we were rolling on the couch making out like we did when we were in college. I honestly think the taste of beer in my mouth turned her on even more. She kissed me with more tongue than she ever used to and with more passion, too. I also noticed that the nights I wasn't drinking, she seldom came into the den to sit with me.

When I first met Sarah in college, she was my epitome of what a good wife should look like. She was medium height, slim but curvaceous, gorgeous blue eyes and that amazingly long mane of curly deep red hair. The problem was, I was making all of these changes on the inside and out, and Sarah hadn't changed at all in almost two years of marriage. She still wore loose fitting conservative skirts that came to mid-calf, long sleeve blouses that came to her throat, and she kept her hair up like most members of her church do. In fact, her hair was her greatest vanity. It was what identified her more than anything with the church I had come to despise for what they did to me and my dreams. 

Meanwhile, as her life continued on without change or adventure, mine was moving ahead at a breakneck speed. My taste for trying new things was insatiable. I was drinking regularly, had started smoking cigars periodically, and had discovered porn. Well, I more than just discovered porn. I became addicted to it, especially stories of women who transformed themselves into sluts or did things they hated. Porn also turned me onto new fantasies about how my ideal woman would look. I found myself being turned on by women with tattoos and piercings, slutty clothing, and party girls. Biker girls often came into the dealership. Since they fit many of the things that now turned me on, I began to fantasize about them. Even as a pastor, masturbation had been my weakness. Now it was my favorite pastime. 

Things at home continued on without change for weeks. I was becoming bored with my marriage and I knew Sarah was frustrated as well. I even contemplated divorce. 

One night, over a quiet dinner in which neither of us had much to say, I finally breached the subject.

"Are we over?" I asked.

Sarah dropped her fork in surprise. She was obviously shocked and looked at me as if I had two heads. "Huh?" was all she could mutter.

"Are we over? I mean, is our marriage over? Have we grown too far apart?"

"We have grown apart, but I still love you if that's what you mean. Why, do you want a divorce?" she asked, tears rimming her deep blue eyes. 

"I don't know. Do you?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. I just wish things could be like they used to be," she muttered. "Things were so good then. But you, you've changed. You've let Satan into your life and he's changed you. Pastor warned me that it would happen when you left the church. I hoped he was wrong, but I see he's right."

I could feel my anger mounting. This was not going in the direction I wanted, but I was powerless to stop it. 

"Fuck your pastor! It was that motherfucker that shit on every dream I'd ever had. That bastard cost me my career, my dreams, and now, by god, it looks like that dipshit is about to cost me my wife! Stupid motherfucker!" 

Sarah had never even heard me say "shit" or "damn" before, much less drop the F-bomb. She was totally shocked and was crying openly now. I may have become a hard ass, but I still had a soft spot where she was concerned. I reached out and touched her hand. She flinched and tried to withdraw it. I held it tight and softened my voice. 

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I know all of these changes are more than you can handle, but I'm tired of living like this. What we had was real, and I miss that. I can't keep going like this."

"I can't either. I know what happened to you was hard, but you could have turned to me. You didn't have to shut me out and make all of these, uh, changes."

"I didn't mean to shut you out, Sarah, but what was I supposed to do when you remained loyal to the bast...uh, man... that ruined my life. I never resented you, but I admit that deep down I resent that you chose the church over me."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but the church is my life. It's all I've ever known. I can't imagine my life without it. I thought once that you understood that!" she sobbed.

"I do understand it. Or I did. I'm not so sure I do anymore. Once upon a time, I felt the same way. I couldn't see myself doing anything else. But that part of me is dead now, Sarah, and he's not coming back. I enjoy life now. I'm not bound by a stupid set of rules that have nothing to do with anything. Sure, Sara, I drink now. I curse, I let my hair grown, I've got a tattoo, and I even smoke cigars. Does that make me a bad person? Hell no! It just makes me a different person, bad by your church's standards, maybe, but not a bad person. And if I am being bad, then goddamn it, I fucking like being bad!"

I could see her cringe when I took the Lord's name in vain. She burst into another bout of tears. "I don't even know who you are anymore! The man I married would never say such things, much less mean them. Who are you?"

"I'm still the man you married, Sarah. I'm still me. These 'changes' you call them are things that have always interested me. I was just too damn scared or brainwashed to admit it. Haven't you ever wondered what it was like?"

"Wondered what?" she asked.

"Wondered what it was like to not be bound by those stupid church standards. To be free to do what you wanted, when you wanted, and not give a shit about what your pastor or your friends or even your Sunday school class thought about you?"

"Of course I haven't. Unlike you, obviously, I take my salvation very seriously."

"So you've never wondered what it was like? You've never wondered what it would be like to be out of church? To be free? Look me in the eye and tell me that you've never had any secret fantasies of being a bad girl at least once."

When I said this, she hesitated. For a split second, I could see doubt and anxiety cross her face. I'd hit a nerve. She didn't reply. 

"Well, have you? Have you ever wanted to take a walk on the wild side?" This time I could almost hear pleading in my own voice. 

"Of course I have. I'd be lying if I denied it. Sometimes I think about it a lot. But that's all I do...think. I can't do what you've done."

"Can't or won't?" I asked.

"Same thing." She replied. "So, does this mean we need to get a lawyer? Do you want me to move out?"

"No, I don't want you to move out. I don't want a divorce, either."

"Do you still love me?" she asked, hope evident in her voice. 

"Of course I still love you. I just wish we could work all of this shit out. I miss you, Sarah. I miss sharing my day with you and hearing about yours. Do you know how much I'd love to share these 'changes' and the new pleasures I've experienced with you? But I know you wouldn't approve, so I don't bother. But you're right, Sarah, I know these changes are too much for you to handle and I tried to keep them from you as long as I could, but I couldn't keep living a lie."

"I miss you, too, honey. I miss you more than you can imagine. Church isn't the same without you there and it's pretty boring, to be honest, but it's my life. It's all I've ever known." She leaned over to kiss me and I returned the gesture.

We sat at the table, kissing and petting for several minutes before she finally pulled back.

"I'm sorry, honey," I whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm so sorry, too. But making up is so much fun!" she giggled. 

For the first time in months, my beautiful, innocent church wife reached down and grabbed my crotch and slowly began to stroke my member through my jeans. She looked up at me and smiled when I instantly became erect. I could see the devil through the lust in her eyes. I smiled back and let a small moan escape.

"Looks like someone is really happy to see me!" she laughed.

Without saying another word, I picked up my wife and carried her to our bedroom. I threw her on the bed and started to undress. She still had a smile on her face, but behind it, I could see something else. I could see pure, unadulterated passion. 

She started to unbutton the buttons on her silk church blouse with one hand as her other hand pulled her flowing red mane down from her bun. I finished undressing as she wiggled out of her skirt and blouse, her hair flowing down over her bra. I looked down at her flawless white skin, so silky and smooth. My erect member nearly burst a blood vessel. I reached down and grabbed it, stroking it slightly.

I'd never done anything like that before, and I could see that Sarah was turned on. I grinned when I saw a small damp spot appear on her granny panties. 

"Take that shit off. Take it off or I'll..." I said.

"Or you'll what?" she replied seductively. "What will you do to me?" she asked as she finished undressing. I climbed on top of her and put my face close to her ear, my manhood rubbing her dripping clit. With my hand, I rubbed her nipple. She shuddered and let a moan escape. I nibbled on her earlobe. Her body betrayed the passion building in her loins. She shuddered again as I took the head of my dick and rubbed it against the outside of her pussy. Her breathing was labored as she whispered again, more forcefully this time.

"Or you'll do what?" she whispered again, "Tell me what you'll do to me. Please tell me."

"I'll fuck you," I whispered as I entered her glory hole. She arched her back and moaned out loud. She had never been like this in bed. She ground her hips into mine and moaned louder.

"Say it again! Say what you'll do to me! OH MY GOD! Say it again!" she screamed as she began to fuck me back with wild abandon.

"I'm...going...to...fuck...you!" I muttered with each thrust. I knew that my wild side was turning her own and she was getting off on my use of profanity. I thrust harder and whispered, "I'm going to fuck your pussy until you scream, bitch. I'm going to fuck you until I corrupt you. I want you as corrupted and sinful as me! Is that what you want? Do you want to be a bad girl, bitch?"

She ignored my questions as I continued to pound her, but for the first time in our marriage, she fucked me back like a wild child. The headboard on the bed was beating against the bedroom wall, and she was screaming in pleasure. I knew she was releasing pent up energy, but there was something else there, too. It was turning me on as much as my profanity was turning her on. I just needed to hear her say it. I held my cum although I was about to burst. I grabbed her by the hips and thrust harder as I looked down on her, covered in sweat.


Backsliding Ch. 02



If I was expecting my beautiful, shy, innocent and demure church wife Sarah to have some kind of wild, sinful epiphany after our bout of love making, I was seriously mistaken. I'm not sure why I was disappointed when it didn't happen. I mean, I was from the same ultra-conservative church sect as she was and once upon a time I had been as brainwashed as she was now. But I have to admit, I was a little disappointed when things more or less returned to normal almost immediately. The very next morning she was on her way back to work at the church daycare and I was right back at my job at the Harley dealership.

At least things weren't quite as bad as before, however. We at least were speaking again and not just passing like strangers in the hallway. When I got home from work, she actually seemed genuinely concerned when she asked me how my day went. I wish I could say the same when I returned the courtesy, but I'd be lying. I still held a grudge against that church and, to be perfectly honest, it rankled my hide that she was still a member there and working at their daycare. So, when she would answer me over dinner and start in telling me all about her day at the daycare, I'd nod pleasantly and make small talk, but down deep, I still held some resentment toward the church that had ruined my life-long goals and had kicked me to the curb. I somehow resented Sarah for not understanding how I felt and being just as pissed as I, but I also realized it wasn't her fault

Things more or less continued as they had been over the course of the next month or so. Sarah would immerse herself in her work for the church, and I was immersing myself into as many new sinful pleasures as I could. On weekends I was riding my bike with the guys who hung out at the dealership and I was becoming a regular at the Broken Spoke, a biker bar on the outskirts of town. I'd ride over there after work and hang out with the guys. Friday was ladies night and Sarah had Youth Service, so it was a perfect night to step outside the lines and party it up. Despite the alcohol involved, I somehow managed to not cheat on my wife, but I'd be a fool if I said it was easy. The Spoke was always crowded with hot biker babes showing off their tats, piercings and leather and I often found myself aroused as hell. I'd always try to head home fairly early before the party really got to cranking or I let alcohol talk me into something I'd regret later. I knew Sarah's church service would end around nine and she would sometimes go out to eat with the members of her young adults Sunday school class, so I'd always shut down my partying and try to beat her home.

This particular Friday night, things weren't much different. I'd called home after work, as usual, and told Sarah that I'd be out with the boys and would see her when she got home from church. As usual, I went out to the bar, had a couple of beers and shot a couple of games of pool. After the second game, I was collecting the five bucks I'd bet Tommy on the game when he spoke up and grabbed the five back out of my hand.

"Hold on, dude. I'm going to need that five," he said, balling it up and stuffing it back in his jeans.

"Fuck that," I said, "that's my five bucks. I won it fair and square. It's not my fault that you play pool like a girl."

He just laughed, then said, "Hey, I tell you what. I'll give you this five bucks back, but you should go with me and Lizzie and spend it."

"Spend it where?" I asked.

"We're going to the Meat Market. It's a strip club over across the county line. Friday nights are always kickin' in there. Come on, dude, let's go. You'll fuckin' love it."

"Lizzie goes with you to titty bars?" I asked incredulously.

"Hell yeah she does. She loves it. I turned her on to it when we first started dating.

I had to admit that I was absolutely intrigued. Some of my favorite porn involved hot strippers and girl on girl action. I'd choked the chicken more than a few times to images and stories of strippers with their bad girl attitudes and those hot as hell tattoos and strategically placed piercings. But to agree to go to the strip club with Tommy and Lizzie was a little different than hanging out with my friends at a bar for a few hours after work or fantasizing on a computer screen. This was crossing a line I'd never crossed before and I was still hesitant. I shook my head no.

"Pussy," is all that Tommy said.

"Fuck you, Tommy," I retorted.

"You're a fuckin' pussy, Jimmy. What kind of red blooded male would turn down a chance to go look at tits and ass? "

"A married one," I retorted, growing angry.

"I'm married, but it ain't slowed me down any. I just introduced my old lady to the things I loved. Hell, she wasn't much more than a naïve little high school kid when we met. Do you think she knew anything about a strip club or even a biker bar for that matter? Fuck no! But I did and if she wanted to be with me, then she just had to learn to like the things I do," he pointed at his wife out on the dance floor. Lizzie was laughing hysterically, a beer in her hand, as she danced with her ass backed up to another woman. Tommy just looked at her and laughed as she looked at her husband and gave a wink. "She knows that shit turns me on. That's why she does it. Damn, just look at that!"

"Well, Lizzie isn't my Sarah. You'd never see her even on a dance floor, much less at a strip club," I replied.

"Damn, dude, what did you do, marry a nun?"

"Close," I replied as I finished up my beer and stood up to leave. "Damn close."

***

I was still aggravated when I pulled into the driveway at home. It was still well before midnight and Sarah's car wasn't in the garage yet. I don't know why I was so pissed. I knew how Tommy was and I don't know why I let him get to me. What he chose to do with his wife didn't have anything to do with me. But down deep I knew exactly why I was so aggravated. I envied Tommy and Lizzie for some reason.

I stomped into the house and went straight to the kitchen to grab a beer out of the fridge. I pulled off my boots, propped my feet on the coffee table, and picked up the remote. I heard Sarah come in, earlier than normal. By then I was well into a six pack and feeling a decent buzz. She came into the den and sat down by me on the couch. I expected her to say something about me drinking in the house, but she didn't.

"You're home early," I said.

"Yeah, I decided to just let the kids go out and eat without me. I wasn't hungry."

I chuckled. "I'm sure they're happy. Now that they've ditched Mother Hen, they can go parking somewhere and do the big nasty."

Sarah mocked anger and slapped me hard on the arm. "That's a terrible thing to say! You know my kids wouldn't do that sort of thing. They're solid in their walk with Jesus. "

"We were pretty solid in our walks, too, back in college, but that didn't stop us from ditching the dorm monitor and doing our own parking."

"James Edward! You know good and well we saved ourselves for marriage like we were supposed to!" Sarah chuckled herself at that, "But I have to admit, some of our 'petting' got pretty heavy at times."

I just laughed at my wife and took another drink of my Bud Light. I could tell she was in a pretty decent mood. I playfully handed her the bottle.

"Want some?" I asked, already knowing her reaction.

"Heck no! I don't know what you get out of drinking that nasty mess."

"How do you know it's nasty? You've never drank a beer in your life, or anything else for that matter," I teased.

"I just know," she said. She suddenly got a serious look on her face.

"What do you get out of drinking? It wasn't that long ago you preached hellfire and brimstone against the evils of alcohol, now you openly embrace it. I can't believe you've come so far."

It was my turn to get serious. "I know. Let's just say that there was a lot I didn't know back then and things are different now. I see the world from a different perspective. Besides, a little drink in moderation isn't bad. Even Jesus liked a little wine."

"You know as well as I do, Jim, that Jesus didn't drink alcoholic wine. We learned that in church years ago. It was unfermented wine."

I laughed at her innocence. "That would make it grape juice, dear, and the good book doesn't say a single thing about turning water into grape juice. Let's face it, wine is wine and it was flowing freely in the scriptures."

"But you still didn't answer my question. What do you get out of drinking?" This time she acted genuinely curious. I started to get hard.

"It's pretty cool, actually. It doesn't taste bad and it relaxes me. I don't drink to get drunk, but a good buzz is pretty cool. Kinda hard to explain, though."

"Do you have a buzz right now?" she asked. I was getting aroused just thinking about where this might be headed.

"Yeah, a little. Why?"

"Does it make you horny?"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud on that one. She was so innocent and so damn sexy at the same time. I reached up and pulled her hair free from the bun she customarily wore to church. I ran my fingers through her gorgeous red curly locks as they fell free across her shoulders and down her back. The new pastor at her church frowned on the women at church wearing their hair down. He called it "bedroom hair" and insisted that it enticed lust in men. At this particular moment, I was inclined to agree.

"Well, does it?" she asked. I was caught up in the moment and not really listening.

"Huh? I'm sorry," I sheepishly replied.

"I said, does the buzz make you horny?"

"Hell yeah, it makes me horny," I replied with a smile. "Why don't you drink one and find out?"

"There is no need for you to use profanity. I was just trying to have a polite conversation."

"Hell is hardly profanity. Neither is shit, damn, goddamn or motherfucker. Okay, so maybe motherfucker is profanity, but the rest isn't." I was toying with her and she knew it. I knew she was trying to be mad, but it wasn't working. "So, do you want to?"

"Want to what?" she asked.

"Want to get your own drunk on and find out how horny it makes you."

This time she seemed genuinely shocked. But I could also see something else behind those eyes. There was genuine curiosity. I swear I could see a quick flicker of mischief behind those baby blues and maybe even a slight hesitation as she actually gave it some thought.

"I most certainly do not want to drink a beer with you. I'm surprised you'd even ask such a ridiculous question. You know as well as I do that drinking is a sin."

"No, I don't know as well as you do that drinking is a sin. I thought we just had this conversation? But, for the record, I think there are worse things I could be doing than watching a movie and drinking a beer," I replied. I was thinking about what I'd be doing right now if I had taken Tommy and Lizzie up on their offer to go to the strip club with them earlier tonight. I almost mentioned it to Sarah, but that was a can of worms I didn't need to open.

"I guess you're right, there are things much worse than drinking that you could be doing. Did you know that Brother Johnson got caught running around with Sister Claire? At least you're here at home instead of doing stuff like that."

"Roger Johnson the drummer in the church band?" I asked.

"Yeah, and Claire Rodriguez from the choir. It's a huge scandal. Roger had to resign his position in the band. He repented and asked the church for forgiveness, but his wife left him. Claire just left the church. I saw her in Wal-Mart yesterday and she was wearing pants and had her hair trimmed. I guess it didn't take her long to backslide."

"Damn, what were they doing? How did they get caught?"

"Sis-, uh, Claire, was caught with her head in Brother Johnson's crotch in the pre-school classroom after choir practice Tuesday night. "

I couldn't help but laughing out loud on that one. "So Claire Rodriguez got caught blowing Roger in the church? Damn, but that's sweet. He should've kept Claire and run off with her. Susan Johnson is a shriveled up old bitch."

"James! You should be ashamed of yourself! That's a terrible thing to say," she admonished, then smiled, "even if it is true." This time she laughed out loud.

I leaned in and nuzzled her neck. She shuddered slightly, but didn't try to stop me. I put my hand on her stomach under her shirt and rubbed her belly. I could tell she was starting to like it, so I was a little surprised when she spoke up again.  

"Would you ever do that to me?" she asked sheepishly.

"Eat you out in a Sunday school classroom? Damn right I would," I replied as I nibbled on her ear.

"Stop it! You know what I mean. Would you cheat on me with another woman?"

"That's a stupid question," I answered, pulling away slightly, "you already know I wouldn't." Then I thought of Tommy and Lizzie at the strip club. "It might be fun to see you with another woman, though." I chuckled to play it off.

"That's just sick!"

"Why is that sick? That's every man's deepest fantasy. Two women together is smoking hot!"

While she was trying to process my strange announcement, I began flipping through the channels. It was late on a Friday night and I knew "Skinnemax" would probably be playing some soft porn, maybe even with some girl-on-girl action. I wasn't disappointed.

Sarah had been looking intently at me during our conversation so she hadn't noticed when I flipped the channels. I had gotten lucky because a soft porn movie was just starting, one that I had seen before. I knew this one was subtle, but had some girl on girl action about half way through. Hell, it even had somewhat of a plot.

"Let's just change the subject, honey, and watch a movie together," I suggested. "Look, here's one just starting up. It's probably a chick-flick."

I knew she wanted to continue our conversation, but she didn't. Instead, she just switched her focus to the TV. I left her on the couch while I went into the kitchen and got a fresh beer from the fridge. When I came back to the den, she was already watching the movie intently. I sat quietly drinking my beer as we started to move into a cuddle position. I knew she was a sucker for cuddling and I didn't mind nudging her in that direction. As the move became more and more sexual in nature, I could feel myself starting to get aroused. I just hoped that Sarah would actually sit through the movie this time. Normally, when I tried to watch a movie with sexual situations, she would refuse to watch and storm out of the room. I fully expected her to do the same tonight, but I'd been drinking beer all evening and I wasn't feeling much pain. I figured what the fuck, why not take a chance and see what she would do.

I could see that she was getting into the movie. I put my arm around her and drew her closer. I opened up the top button on her blouse and pushed my hand inside. I absent-mindedly began drawing small, soft circles at the bottom of her throat, sometimes gently moving down to the top of her breasts. She just laid her head on my chest and let me continue. By now, the movie had already had several sex scenes, but the girl-on-girl action was coming up. I still expected her to jump up and leave the room as soon as it happened, but I wanted to sort of feel her out before it did happen.

"Well, how's the movie so far?" I asked as I took swig of my Coors Light.

"It's kind of dirty, don't you think? But it has a good story. I like it."

"You do?" I asked, absolutely dumbfounded. This was definitely not the response I expected.

"Yeah, I guess I do. Is that wrong? I know I'm not supposed to be watching this kind of stuff. Heck, I'm not supposed to be watching TV at all. Pastor says that it's a sin."

"I don't think it's wrong to watch a movie in the privacy of your own home, no matter what it's about," I countered.

"Well, yeah, I can see that, but movies like this incite lust."

"Are you feeling 'lustful' right now?" I asked.

She chuckled. "No, I'm feeling downright horny. You never told me that stuff like this could turn people on!"

I felt my dick start to get hard. I'd never once heard her talk like this before, much less use words like "horny" or mention being turned on.

"Well, I've discovered quite a few things since I got out of church," I replied. "Out of church" was church-speak for having left the faith or having "backslid".

"Like what?" she asked, this time seemingly genuinely curious.

"Well, I've learned that some of this stuff," I motioned toward the movie, "is kinda cool. There's some really cool stuff on the Internet, too. Stuff I'd never imagined."

"You mean pornography. I never thought you would get into that sort of thing. What kind of stuff have you discovered?" she asked. "Is it, uh, better than this?"

It was my turn to chuckle. "Yeah, it's much better than this. You should try it sometime."

"I might just do that," she whispered. I thought my dick was going to tear through my jeans.

She nuzzled up closer to me and continued to watch the movie. The girl-on-girl scene was starting to build up and I continued to rub her chest with my finger, moving under the top edge of her bra. She didn't shy away or ask me to stop like she usually did on church nights Tonight was definitely out of the norm and I was enjoying the hell out of it. She had opened up more tonight than she ever had before. I'd never seen her so open about trying forbidden pleasures or experimenting with sin.

As the lesbian sex scene played through, I still fully expected her to get up and run out of the room. She didn't move. If anything, she snuggled even closer. I noticed her breath was a little more labored and I could swear that I was feeling her heart beat faster as the blonde on TV seduced the brunette. I pushed my hand under her bra and tweaked her nipple. She moaned and arched her back slightly. I did it again. She moaned and pressed her tit more firmly into my hand.

I was already about to explode, but I was now a man on a mission. I wanted to corrupt my sweet, innocent wife. I wanted to hear her scream "fuck me!" at the top of her lungs. I wanted to feel her grab my cock and shove it in her pussy. I wanted her to be a wanton slut.

With her eyes still glued to the TV, I took my other hand and lifted her long wool skirt. I let my fingers play along her inner thigh as I glided softly toward her crotch. I touched the soft fabric of her granny panties and could feel her pubic hair underneath. I also felt something else- dampness. I don't know if it was me or the movie, but she was definitely wet. I didn't care what made her that way, I was just thankful for small miracles.

I rubbed her pussy through the outside of her panties. She began to squirm and moan softly. I knew she was now oblivious to anything but the pleasure raging through her body. Her own demon lusts had taken over and she didn't care who knew it. She turned her head and began kissing me on the neck. Her hand went to my jeans and squeezed my erect member through the fabric. My dick bucked in response. She started to tug on my jean buttons as I slipped my hand inside her panties. My middle finger brushed lightly against the upper folds of her womanhood and I could literally smell her sex before my finger ever found the wetness.

She leaned in and kissed me on the mouth, her tongue forcing itself through my closed lips. I opened my mouth and met her tongue half way. I could taste strawberries on her tongue.

"You taste like beer," she gasped when she broke the kiss. She surprised me when she said, "it tastes, uh, different. Not as bad as I would have thought."

"You want some?" I asked as I kissed her.

"Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you? You'd love to see me drinking and being a bad girl, huh?"

"Hell yeah, I would!"

She just chuckled and tugged on my pants. "Well, it's not happening, big boy. But we can take this to the bedroom and I can show you how good I can be."




Backsliding Ch. 02



I didn't waste any time. I jumped up and scooped her off the couch, carrying her to the bedroom and dumping her on the bed. I started undressing while she did the same. My member was hard as a rock and shot up like a spring when I released it from my briefs. Sarah was unbuttoning her blouse. Ordinarily, Sarah would go into the bathroom to undress and wait until I turned out the lights before she would walk into the bedroom and climb under the covers for our missionary style love-making. This time was different. The lamp beside the bed was still burning as my wife wiggled out of her skirt and sat on the bed watching me with a half-smile on her lips. I lay down beside her and began tugging at her cotton panties. She wiggled out of them.

What she did next took me completely by surprise. Instead of snuggling up beside me and pulling me on top of her missionary style, she climbed up on top of me, straddling my throbbing shaft. She reached down with her hand and guided me inside. She let a small moan escape as I entered her dripping wet honey hole. She began to gyrate on my shaft, her head thrown back slightly and her eyes closed. She moaned louder as I found my rhythm. She began to press against me and soon found her own rhythm, in perfect sync with my own.

One of the new found sinful pleasures I'd found in my porn searches on the Internet had to do with female masturbation. I'd found myself whacking off a few times to pictures and stories of women pleasuring themselves for the first time. I guess I enjoyed it so much because I envisioned Sarah doing it, but I also knew it was something she'd never agree to in a million years. While she rode my shaft and began moaning in pure ecstasy, I gently took her left hand and placed it on the inside of her thigh, near the upper folds of her mound. As expected, she pulled her hand back and laid it on my stomach instead. Undeterred, I placed it there again and held it in place with my own. I used my own fingers to manipulate her fingers and helped her massage her pussy while I arched my back, slamming my dick as deep into her pussy as I could. She moaned louder this time. I moved my hand, but this time she didn't move hers. Instead, she took her right hand and grabbed mine and moved it up to her breast. I rubbed her soft white skin around her rock hard nipple. She dipped her head and let her hair brush my chest. I rubbed harder and thrust harder at the same time. She screamed my name.

"Oh god! Oh-my-god! Ohhh!" she cried out in pure passion.

I was moaning pretty good myself. In our two years of marriage, my dour little innocent wife had never even once acted like this in bed. Love making was always a reserved affair for the dark and under the sheets. This time it was none of those things. This time is was pure, wanton sex. The kind I'd discovered several months ago when I began my descent into a life of sin and what she'd obviously just discovered tonight. I could barely hold back my eruption.

"Oh, GOD! I'm about to cum! Make me cum, baby!" she screamed. I arched my back and thrust my hips forward as hard as I could as she ground down on me. We must have cum simultaneously because as I pumped my seed into her, I could feel her body start to shudder as wave after wave of orgasmic bliss rocked her soul. She fell forward on top of me, still shuddering. My own dick was going through its own convulsions as every drop of cum was pumped from my balls. She lay on top of me, panting. I kissed her neck and whispered that I loved her.

"I love you, too, honey. That was amazing. Maybe being 'bad' ain't so bad after all."

"Maybe it's about time we find out," I said softly. "You might just find that you like it."

"Oh, I'm sure I might like it. I might like it a lot. That's what scares me," she whispered.

I could feel myself growing hard again already at what she just hinted at. I knew down deep inside that I was about to open the lid on something that I may never be able to put back on. But I didn't give a fuck. I knew it was something I had to do, the devil be damned.



Backsliding Ch. 03



I guess there must be some truth to the old cliché that time heals all wounds. In time, even my animosity toward what I conceived as wrongdoing by our former pastor began to subside. As time went on, I found myself caring less and less about what went on at that church and I held no ill will toward Sarah for still attending. I merely went on with my new life and began to feel comfortable in my own skin, even if it was a new skin. As for Sarah, well, life for her had also seemed to settle into a new normalcy. We were no longer strangers passing in the hallway. We weren't quite as close as we had been during my days as a seminary graduate and youth pastor, but we were hardly at one another's throats, either.

I continued to work hard at my management job at the Harley dealership and she continued to work hard at the church's daycare program. In fact, she put her church management degree from Bible College to good use and turned the daycare program into a money-making proposition for the church. No longer did the daycare only take in the children of working church members, it was now effectively marketing itself into one of the leading daycare programs in the city. Sarah had earned the respect of the church Board of Directors and earned herself a promotion in the process. Although I didn't really have any feelings for her employer one way or another, I was proud of my wife's accomplishments. Who would have thought that a degree from a small Midwestern Bible Seminary would have translated well in the business world? Ironically, it was her position as a manager for the church's outreach that would set her on a far different path, but that's a story for another time.

Our evening routine also fell into a sense of normalcy. Like always, I would try to hang out with the guys from work just to be sociable, but I also knew what I had waiting for me at home. I reserved Friday nights when she was at a youth service or some other church function for my time of hanging with the boys. The rest of the week, I tried to come straight home from work like a decent husband would do. Our evenings would actually be spent being civil to one another. She'd fix dinner or we'd go out to grab a bite to eat and make small talk over our meal. I'd joke about something funny that happened at work, or maybe bitch about something when I'd had a bad day, and she'd do the same. After dinner we would settle in to watch a ball game or movie on TV. I'd still drink a beer or two or walk outside to smoke a cigar, but she didn't give me flack about it anymore and I didn't try to push anything off on her. I was how I was going to be and she was who she had always been. Nothing much was going to change any of that, so why bother?

Our sex life was the one area that was affected by time. Personally, I think the changes were for the better. I'm sure Sarah would agree with me. My wife had always been ultra-conservative in the bedroom and I don't blame that on the church. Well, I don't blame it completely on the church. Sarah had always been sort of shy and reserved and a bit old fashioned in her thinking. Her religious beliefs held that sex was for procreation, not recreation, and that didn't exactly translate into wild, uninhibited sex.

However, ever since that night when Sarah discovered soft pornography on TV, I started to notice small changes in my wife's sexual urges. She didn't shy away from movies with sex scenes anymore. In fact, it had become almost common for her to now ditch the youth group after service on Friday nights and rush home to meet me. She would curl up with me on the couch and sort of subtly direct me to one of those soft porn Friday night cable movies. I noticed that she seemed to really get into the shows that had mind control or some other mental or physical transformation as a central theme. After one or two of those movies, she would almost drag me to the bedroom and it was her that would usually take control of our love-making. That was a far cry from our days of bland missionary-style sex. I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoyed it greatly. I found myself searching out those kinds of movies specifically for her whenever possible. Maybe what I was doing was wrong, but it didn't feel wrong and I sure didn't hear her complaining about it anymore. I suppose it was our new norm.

One Friday afternoon, as I was getting ready to leave work, I got a text from Sarah. The message was sort of vague. She just said that she had some "interesting" news to tell me, but it could wait until later. I should go out with the boys and enjoy myself. I was intrigued about what kind of interesting news she had to share, but I didn't think much of it. I figured it was just more church gossip. Even though I had long since made it perfectly clear that I didn't care much for church news anymore, she still felt the need to share it with me almost daily. I just took it all in stride and pretended that I was concerned.

Since tonight was Friday and I knew she would be at church, I went to the Broken Spoke with some of the gang from work for our regular weekend routine. I was well into my second game of pool when I got a text from Sarah asking where I was. I was up front with her about being at the bar, but I did find it a little odd that she was texting from church. That was completely out of character for her. I remembered her cryptic text from earlier and now worry began to nag at the back of my mind. I quickly scratched out of my game and told the guys I had to go. I walked out to the parking lot, climbed on my hog and raced home.

Sure enough, Sarah's car was in the garage when I pulled into the drive. Sarah was a stickler about never missing a church service under any circumstances, not even when she was sick. I began to fear the worst. I quickly put down my kick stand and rushed inside. I half-expected to see Sarah sitting at the table sobbing or laying on the couch with an ice pack on her forehead. Instead, I found her sitting on the couch watching a James Bond movie and sipping a soda. She turned to face me when I walked into the den.

"Oh, hi honey. I didn't expect to see you so soon. I thought you'd be out with the boys at least another couple of hours. I'm sorry that I didn't make dinner yet. I was really getting into this movie."

"That's okay. I grabbed something at the Spoke. I got bored at the bar and decided to come home early," I lied. "I'm surprised to see you here and not at church."

She knew I was fishing for answers and chuckled. "Yeah, well, I decided to play hooky tonight. It was just youth service anyway. I go to church five times a week as it is, not to mention working there every day. It won't hurt me to miss every now and then."

I felt as if someone had hit me with a baseball bat. Sarah had always been so absolutely devoted to church and her perfect attendance was one of her proudest accomplishments. I was getting excited and scared at the same time. Was Sarah moving away from the church? Was she starting down her own path to backsliding like I had done? I shook my head. This was stupid. So she had decided to ditch one service that she really didn't need to attend anyway. Youth Service was for the youth, not married women in their late 20s. So what if she decided to miss one little service? I was reading way too much into all of this!

I tried to play off my anxiety. "So, what's this 'news' that you mentioned earlier?" I asked. She immediately seemed to brighten. She smiled.

"You're never going to believe what happened to me today," she said.

"What? Some badass little kid pissed on your shoe?" I joked.

"Hardly, Mr. Smarty-pants. I got a job offer. A very good job offer."

"Really? What kind of offer?"

"Well, it's kind of a long story. Do you remember Renee Parker?"

"Yeah, I think. Wasn't that the girl who started coming to church for awhile right after we started, then quit and started going to that non-denominational church across town?"

"Yeah, that's her. Remember, you threw a fit because you said she left the truth and went out and backslid. Funny how things change..."

"Okay, does this story have a plot?"

"Anyway, well, even after Renee left our church, she kept her son enrolled in our daycare. She took a new job recently and her mom has been picking him up in the afternoons. Since I got promoted to general manager at the daycare, I've gotten to know Alice Parker pretty good. We just sort of hit it off. Anyway, the other day she mentioned how much the daycare had grown since I took over and how much more efficient it seemed to be running. I thanked her for the compliment, but didn't think much of it. "

"Well, that's nice of her to say. You do realize that her husband Bob owns one of the largest cosmetology companies in the state, don't you?" I asked.

"I do now. Mr. Parker himself came to pick up Caleb after work today. He offered me a job!"

It was my turn to be stunned. "What? Bob Parker, the Robert Parker of Parker Heights, offered you a job? Doing what?"

"Marketing. He said that Mrs. Parker and Renee were always coming home bragging about the daycare and how I had made all of these changes and how I was really promoting it and stuff. He said that he was expanding the business and needed a marketing manager for the area. I tried to explain that I didn't have any secular experience and that I'd never been inside a hair salon in my life, but he just laughed. He said if I could grow a daycare, I could grow salon customers. He invited me to his office after work to discuss the details."

I was actually excited for my wife, but a little scared as well. "Well, did you go meet with him?"

"I sure did. I was nervous, of course, and I kept making excuses about why I couldn't leave the daycare. I guess he thought I was trying to negotiate a salary. Actually, I was just nervous about taking such a huge leap of faith. Anyway, he took out a pad, wrote down some figures, and slid it across the desk to me. I was shocked at what he offered me to come to work for him! If Pastor only knew what I was going to be making, he'd feel ashamed about paying me so little!"

"Going to be making? Are you telling me you actually took the job?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Just the salary alone was pretty astonishing, but it comes with a benefits package as well. I'm nervous, but I couldn't say no. I told him I'd take it."

I was shocked. I never in my wildest dreams thought my dour little wife would have taken such bold initiative. What was ironic was that she'd decided to leave her safe job at her church to take a job for more money in a corporation in the beauty industry. Sarah, who had never trimmed her hair, had her ears pierced or ever worn makeup, would be marketing all of those things to other women. In essence, she would be promoting what her church considered sin. I mentioned as much to Sarah. She just sort of looked confused as if she hadn't thought about it much.

"Well, I did think about that a little. But, I mean, as long as I'm not encouraging women to do it or asking women in church to do it, is it wrong? It's not like I'm cutting my own hair or trying to get one of our church members to cut hers, right? These people are already wearing makeup and cutting their hair. I'm just giving them an alternate location to have it done."

"Sounds logical to me," I chuckled. I knew it was time to change the subject. I didn't want to rain on her parade. "This calls for a celebration!"

I got up and walked to the kitchen. In a few minutes I returned with a bottle of champagne and a couple of long stemmed glasses.

"What is that?" she asked, dumbfounded. "You know I don't drink alcohol."

"It's champagne, for Pete's sake. I'd hardly call it alcohol. You'd have to drink the entire bottle to even feel a buzz," I lied. "I've been saving this bottle since our wedding. What's it going to hurt to indulge in one toast to your new found success?" I could see the confusion cross her face. She was battling her inner demons. I could see her face register defeat.

"Okay, Jim, but just one glass. I don't guess it will hurt to have a sip to celebrate. I am pretty excited."

She giggled out loud when I shook up the bottle and popped the cork just like she'd seen on TV. I poured each of us a glass of the sparkling liquid. I handed her a glass and picked up my own and held it out for a toast. She tipped it toward mine.  

"To new beginnings," I said.

"New beginnings," she repeated. We chinked glasses.

I took a sip and watched her bring hers to her lips. I knew she was nervous as hell and I fully expected her to not go through with drinking the celebratory sip, but tonight was a night of surprises. She brought the glass to her lips and drank. She giggled.

"It tickles!"

"Tickles? How does champagne tickle? "I chuckled at her innocence.

"The bubbles tickle my nose, silly," she laughed.

"Well, how is it?"

"It's actually quite sweet. I guess I expected it to taste like the beer I've tasted on your breath, but it doesn't. It's not bad."

I waited for her to put the glass down, but she didn't. She just held it in her hand and started making small talk. I knew she was excited about the prospect of changing careers, but more than a little nervous, too. I tried to keep her laughing and keep the conversation away from the things I knew would gnaw at her. During the conversation, I noticed that she continued to sip at the glass of champagne. I pretended not to notice and kept the conversation going. By the time she had finished the glass, I noticed she was a bit more animated and giddy than normal. I just chuckled at her inability to hold her liquor. Who in the world gets a buzz off of a single glass of champagne? Obviously a church wife who's never tasted alcohol in her life.

I poured myself another glass, even though I didn't particularly care for champagne. Without giving it any thought, I refilled her glass as well. She caught me off guard when she asked, "What are you doing? I said one glass!"

"Oh, damn! Hey, babe, I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking. I'll pour it out."

She stopped me. "It's no big deal. I'll pour it out later. It's getting late. I wonder what kind of good movies are coming on tonight."

I knew what she meant by "good movies". I picked up the remote and started flipping through the cable movie channels. I settled on a movie that had a title that was sort of cheesy, but I figured it was worth a shot. It didn't really matter what was on, I knew Sarah was in the mood to watch something and I didn't want to disappoint. The movie ended up being about a struggling female artist who falls in love with a vampire next door. It was the classic vampire-falls-in-love-with-a-human tale, but this one had a twist. The vampire in question had a very sexy sister who held none of his misgivings about corrupting an innocent human and she sat out to corrupt her before her brother could partake. Of course the vampire sister was a lesbian and she worked hard to seduce the innocent human. By the time the female seduction scenes came on about half way through the movie, I noticed that Sarah had drunk her second glass of champagne. I also noticed that she was becoming increasingly turned on.

By now it was our normal routine to get into one of these movies and begin some heavy petting. The heavy petting would eventually lead to one of us encouraging the other to remove clothing and follow the other to the bedroom. The bedroom scene usually involved the lights being off and me being on top, but every once in a while, Sarah would surprise me and take control.

But tonight would be different. When the vampire lesbian finally seduced the innocent human, she did so by going down on her and eating her pussy. I could tell Sarah was really turned on by this and I wasted no time in moving my hand up her long jean skirt and finding her soaking wet panties. Sarah moaned when I touched her clit through the satin underwear. I was pleasantly surprised that Sarah was wearing sating panties instead of cotton, but what she did next surprised me even more.

"Do that to me," she whispered. She pointed at the TV screen with her empty champagne glass. I looked at the hot vampire chick with the platinum blonde spiked hair licking at the soft shaven folds of the brunette girl on the screen. Sarah whispered again, this time more forcefully with pure unadulterated lust in her voice. "Do that to me. Eat me like that."

I could feel her body respond to my touch each time my fingers brushed the outside of her panties. I knew she was being controlled by lust, but was it the alcohol talking as well? I knew Sarah wasn't drunk, but I also knew she was bound to be feeling the effects of the champagne.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

I could hear the frustration in her voice this time. "Yes, I'm sure! I want you to kiss me down there. I want you to eat me!"

I knew I was going to. I knew that before I ever asked her if she was sure. But I also knew I wanted to do something else and this may be the only chance I'd ever get. Without saying a word, I got up off the couch and sat my half-empty champagne glass on the coffee table.

"Where are you going?" Sarah demanded, obviously frustrated now.

I picked up my glass and handed it to her. "Hold this, I'll be right back. I've got to get something first." I almost ran out of the room.

In a flash, I was back. She was still sitting upright on the couch, watching the male vampire seduce the female this time. I noticed that some champagne was gone from my glass that she was still holding. I also noticed that her skirt was hiked up above her knees and her legs were spread open. It was so unladylike and I'd never seen her do it before. It was a turn on for me, but so far, everything about this night had been a turn-on for me. I pushed the coffee table back toward the TV and knelt down in front of her. She just looked at me with a confused expression through lust filled eyes. I reached up and unbuttoned her skirt and started to tug it off. She just grinned like a cat that had eaten a canary.

"What are you doing, James Edward?" she asked.

"Trust me, "I said, reaching up and pulling her blouse over her head. She helped me undress her. I had her remove her bra and then I pulled her panties down. The lights in the den were still on and I knew this was a totally new experience for both of us. I pulled her soaked satin panties from around her ankles and slung them behind the couch. I leaned in toward her dripping wet pussy and she moaned in anticipation, opening her legs further. "Wait a minute," I whispered, "I've got to do this first."

I reached behind me on the floor and picked up my beard trimmer. I thumbed the button and the electric trimmer clicked to life. It buzzed like a vibrator as I moved it closer to Sarah's virgin bush. This time I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"What are you doing?" She asked incredulously. I motioned to the shaven brunette now getting pounded by her demon lover on TV.

"I'm making you look like that," I whispered. I pushed the trimmers into her curly bush and pressed down. She moaned as the vibrating razor plowed through her mound, pressing against the skin above her pussy. She arched her back and moaned louder with each passing swipe of the buzzing blades I continued to trim, taking careful aim along the inner folds of her soft pussy lips. As the hair fell away onto the couch with each passing cut, I pressed down against her pussy lips with the back of the vibrating trimmers. She moaned, arched her back, and laid her head back against the couch. She was running her fingers through the hair on my head while I cleaned up the longest hairs with the trimmer. When I'd push down on her lips, she would tug at my scalp. I knew she was about ready to explode.

"Hmmmm," she said as I clicked off the trimmer. She probably thought I was finished and was finally about to bury my head in her mound. She was wrong. Instead, I picked up a can of shaving cream and pressed the top. A put a liberal amount in the palm of my hand and began to carefully spread it over the short bristle of her mound, taking extra care to softly spread it around the folds of her pussy and near her asshole. When I picked up one of my shaving razors I glanced up at her face. I saw a quick flash of concern, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she raised my glass of champagne to her lips and took a swallow. I started to shave her.




Backsliding Ch. 03



When I was done, I wiped her clean with a hot towel. I could tell the heat of the towel was unpleasant on the sensitive skin, but I also knew that it made the razor burn feel better. I put down the towel and looked up at my wife.

I knew we had crossed a threshold tonight that we had never gotten to before in our marriage. Tonight we were entering unchartered territory and I had no idea where it would lead. At the very least, she was willingly doing things I'd never dreamed she'd even consider. As I knelt there, looking up at her exquisite soft white skin, shining in the soft glow of the den lighting, I thought she was the most exotic and beautiful creature I'd ever seen. She had pulled her long, curly red locks from the customary church bun and it fell softly over one shoulder, resting below her right breast. I could see a glassy expression in her sparkling blue eyes, probably a result of the champagne. But I could also see something else. I could see pure, unbridled passion. Whether her sampling of the sinful pleasures of alcohol had anything to do with her lust didn't matter to me at that moment. Nothing mattered at that moment.

I half-stood and kissed Sarah on her left breast. She shuddered as I ran my tongue around her erect nipple and began to move slowly down her tight stomach. I fell back to my knees and ran my tongue across her newly shaven mound, enjoying the soft and amazingly erotic feel of her baby-like smoothness against my tongue. I playfully teased her clit with my tongue.

At that moment, my sweet, innocent and shy church wife became a mad-woman. She arched her back, grabbed my head in her hands and shoved my face deeply into her crotch. She said, somewhat forcefully, "Eat me!" and pressed my nose into her mound. I stuck out my tongue and shoved it into her folds, feeling for her g-spot. I pushed her thighs further open and buried my head in her snatch with a renewed passion, lapping at her honey like a dog lapping water. She screamed and pulled my hair. I lapped harder and harder, all the while rubbing her outer lips with my fingers.

"Oh, my gawwwddddd!" she cried. "Oh my GOD! Yesssss! Yesssss. OH MY GOD!" was all that she could say. I continued to eat her pussy as I had only dreamed of before, while the vampire lover on TV was doing the same to his human thrall. I worked her harder with my tongue. She arched her back, thrust her hips forward and shuddered. I could feel her female juices leaking down my chin as I continued to caress her with my tongue as she came over and over, moaning ever more softly as the orgasm subsided in soft, gentle waves.

On the TV behind me, I could hear the innocent human and her vampire lover going through the motions of wild, uninhibited sex. I could hear the unmistakable sounds of passionate love-making, Hollywood vampire-style. I thought it was appropriate for the moment considering what we had just done, but my heart nearly skipped a beat when the female on TV whispered to her lover.

"Change me," she said. "Change me and make me like you."

I looked up at Sarah and smiled. She smiled back.





Backsliding Ch. 04



It never seems to fail. Just as life with Sarah had started to return to something that resembled normalcy, change reared its ugly head and we had to fall back and regroup. Not all change is bad, however, and I've come to understand that now. I suppose that had things turned out differently, then we would have probably just continued along as we were... her wrapped up in her church friends and me living a life that she barely understood and certainly couldn't accept. Not that continuing down that path was completely a bad thing. We had sort of come to a truce the last few months and our relationship was stronger because of it. Certainly the sex was a little more frequent and she wasn't quite the prude in bed that I'd married.

Just a few days after Sarah accepted the new job with Salon d' Paris, Sarah had to meet with her pastor to give him the news of her decision to leave the church daycare. He was visibly angry and basically told her that she was on the slippery slope to hell for taking a job outside of the church. Worse yet, he warned, she was taking a job with a company that led women astray and dealt in the spirit of Jezebel. Sarah's meeting with her pastor didn't change her decision to take the secular job, but it did put her in a foul mood for several days. She was having some misgivings about leaving her kids at the daycare and the women she worked with there, but I reasoned with her that she could still see most of them at church several times a week. That seemed to help some, but she remained more withdrawn than normal.

The change in job situation probably would have worked itself out, but something else happened at almost the same time that changed our lives forever. It seemed really inconsequential to me at the time, but my perspectives had really changed from Sarah's since I'd left the church. The catalyst of change came from a very unlikely source: Sarah's best friend, Kelly.

Kelly Wells had been Sarah's best friend since our last year of Bible College. In fact, it was Kelly who told us about the job opening at her church. Not long after the three of us graduated, Kelly called Sarah and told her about the Youth Pastor's job at her church and suggested I should come check it out. We drove down, interviewed, and the rest is history. Sarah was always trying to hook Kelly up with some up and coming young preacher she or I knew, but Kelly would have nothing of it. Unlike us, she had come into this denomination late and still had that independent streak down deep. She ended up meeting a guy at her work who knew nothing about her religion. They started dating and then got married about a year ago.

Sarah came home early from a Wednesday night bible study service. I was in the bedroom on the computer reading some porn stories when she surprised me by walking in. I abruptly closed out the program and tried to play it off. If she realized what I'd been doing, she didn't acknowledge it. I could see that she'd been crying and was still quite upset. I assumed it had something to do with her decision to leave the daycare and the flack she was catching from the other church members. I asked her what was wrong.

"It's Kelly," she said. "She backslid!" She was sobbing now.

"Shhhh, come on now, it's okay. What do you mean, she's backslid? Do you mean she quit going to church or is she just going to another church?" I sat down on the bed beside Sarah and pulled her close to me to comfort her. She leaned in closer and started to cry softly.

"She quit church. She resigned from her Sunday school class last Sunday after church and didn't even tell me. She wasn't at church Sunday night, but I didn't think too much of it. I called her to see if she was sick, but she just said 'no' and sort of left it at that. When she didn't show up tonight, I got worried. I left early and drove over to check on her when she didn't return my call. I knocked on the door and Richard let me in. I found Kelly on the back patio..." she started to sob again.

I didn't say anything. I knew she'd tell me when she composed herself. I didn't have long to wait.

"I found Kelly on the back patio. She's already cut her hair and was wearing pants!"

I exhaled. I knew from my own indoctrination that there was a clear distinction in how women were perceived in her church versus how men were judged. A woman was held to a different standard. They weren't allowed to wear pants, revealing clothing, jewelry, or makeup of any kind. I knew, as Sarah did, that Kelly would never cut her hair or wear jeans unless she had consciously made the decision to quit her church. Once she cut her hair, there was no going back. The ultimate statement of rebellion had been made.

I knew how devastated Sarah must be. She was dealing with the anxiety of changing jobs, her pastor was upset with her and now her best friend had backslidden... just like her husband. I felt so sorry for my wife, but what could I say? Deep down, I secretly applauded Kelly for having the balls to stand up for herself, but I couldn't tell Sarah that.

"Did you talk to Kelly? Did she explain why she decided to quit?" I asked.

"She did apologize for me having to find out like that, but she said it was something that had been coming for a long time. She said she'd been questioning doctrinal issues since she'd joined the church. You know Richard probably didn't help, but she kept saying that he wasn't the blame. She said that he encouraged her to stay in church and especially not to cut her hair, but she did it anyway," she said, then looked up at me with a very serious look on her face. I'd come to dread that look. "She said that some of it was your fault."

"What? How the hell could it be my fault?" I had barely seen Kelly or Richard since I left the church months ago.

"Calm down. She didn't mean you encouraged her to quit. She just said that she'd wanted a change for a long time, but she was scared to. She was scared of the warnings she'd always heard about bad things happening to backsliders. She said she'd been miserable trying to live a lie like she was a good Christian while deep down inside all she wanted to do was be her own woman. She said that when you left and nothing happened, she began to question whether or not anything would happen to her. She said you actually seemed happier since you left."

I didn't say anything, but I knew down deep that Kelly was right. I was happier with myself than I'd been in a very long time. I just kept that to myself and let Sarah continue.

"Anyway, she said that she'd become so miserable that she couldn't take it anymore. Last Friday night when Richard came home from work, she was waiting for him at the door with a pair of jeans on. She even told him that she wanted to go out dancing. He claims he protested that she was moving too fast, but it didn't matter. Her mind was made up. Anyway, she said she wasn't at the church garage sale that Saturday because she was hung over from drinking the night before. I guess she felt guilty because she was in church Sunday, but I guess the guilt didn't last. She said that she started losing interest in church and wanted to quit, but couldn't get up the nerve. She was leading a double life. She finally couldn't be a hypocrite anymore, so she just quit going. Sunday morning she resigned her class and only told Pastor. Maybe that's why he was so upset with me when I told him that I was leaving the daycare. Maybe he thinks I'm leaving the church, too?"

"Seems logical," I said. "I would have thought the same thing. He'll calm down once he realizes that you're only changing jobs."

"I know, but it still hurts. I've literally lost my best friend," she started to cry again.

"Hey, I thought I was your best friend? Have you dumped me for another woman? See, I knew all along that you were a closet rug muncher," I teased; hoping humor would cheer her up. It seemed to help a little.

"Hush! You know better than to talk like that. You might want me to have sex with another woman, but I can promise you that it's not Kelly."

"So, dear, are you telling me that you're leaving the possibility open that I'll one day get to watch you go down on another woman? I'm starting to like this conversation already!" I laughed.

"Oh, sure I will. I'll just run out and go down on every woman I see. You'd really like that, wouldn't you?" she asked sarcastically. I just nodded my head frantically and smiled. She looked at my silliness and laughed out loud. We didn't say much anymore, but my attempt at humor seemed to get her mind off of Kelly.

We got ready for bed and Sarah fell asleep in my arms. I lay awake a long time wondering about Kelly. I thought about her becoming assertive enough to rebel and take her life into her own hands. I thought about her experimenting and trying new things without being encumbered with what other people would say. I bet Richard Wells was in for the ride of his life. I started to get hard just thinking about it. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of Kelly Wells. I dreamed of Kelly, but it was Sarah's face that I saw.





Backsliding Ch. 04



"Church can wait. Let's just enjoy the sunset," was all she said. I was slightly shocked, but today was full of shocking moments, so I didn't say anything. I just sat on the top of the table and enjoyed the sunset. By the time dusk arrived, I knew we'd never make it home in time for her to get to church on time and I mentioned that to her.

"I'm not going to church tonight. It won't hurt me to miss once in a while anyway. Besides, this vibrating ride has me all worked up. I can't go to church dripping wet, now can I?"

"No you can't. I think we need to get home and see if we can't do something about that," I said. I probably broke several speeding laws trying to get Sarah back home that evening. I had a pretty good idea about what was coming later that night.

When we arrived home, although I wanted to, I didn't carry her off to the bedroom and fuck her brains out. She acted as if skipping church was the most common thing in the world to her and went about a normal routine of fixing us some dinner. I still had a raging hard on, but I was beginning to wonder if my wife was bi-polar. One minute she was making overtones as a sexy vixen, the next she was acting like Mary Poppins. I went into the den and started watching a re-run of the old Catwoman movie with Halle Berry. Sarah came in a few minutes later with a TV tray and a couple of sandwiches. She sat down beside me and quietly ate her dinner and watched the movie. The transformation scene came on and I could tell Sarah was getting interested. It was the scene where Halle Berry changes herself from the quiet, shy, girl next door into the sexy leather-clad villainess. In this scene she cuts her hair short, puts on thick and sexy makeup and walks out sporting the hottest leather cat suit known to man. No red blooded male in America could resist getting a hard on during that scene and I was no different. Sarah noticed almost immediately and chuckled.

"You like that, don't you? That really turns you on?" She asked.

"Maybe," was all I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. It's just hot, that's all. She's this librarian type and all of a sudden she's this hot badass in leather and a whip about to go kick some ass. That's just hot!"

She didn't reply to that. She just sat quietly and finished the movie. When it was done, she quietly got up and walked to the bathroom. I heard the shower going in a few minutes. Not long thereafter, I heard her blow dryer, so I knew she was getting ready for bed. Things had cooled down since the bike ride, but I was still hopeful that she had something nice planned for me and that I hadn't blown it with my Halle Berry comments.

I heard Sarah walk into the den before I saw her. I felt something ice cold touch the back of my neck and I jumped. I turned around quickly to protest, but what I saw stopped me dead in my tracks. Standing behind me was Sarah wearing a sheer camisole, a satin and lace thong, and a pair of stiletto heels. Her long red hair was teased out and hung down sexily, brushing past her breasts which were straining against her negligee. In her hand, she held a cold beer. She walked around in front of me and held out the bottle.

"Here," she said, "I thought you might want this...and this!" She knelt down in front of me and started unzipping my pants. I thought my dick was going to rip through my jeans before she could get the zipper down. Before I had time to realize what was going on, she had her hand around the base of my shaft and her glossed lips were pulling the head of my dick into her mouth. I don't know where she learned to suck head, but I didn't care. I was in heaven. I just sat there mesmerized, looking down at her bobbing up and down on my shaft. Suddenly she stopped and looked up at me.

"Drink your beer," she whispered.

I did as I was told. For some reason, it never crossed my mind that my own corruption could somehow trigger sexual urges in my wife. It was no secret that I'd fantasized about her becoming a hot ass bad girl, but it came as a complete surprise to me that my own transformation might have triggered something in her. I opened the beer and chugged. I looked down at her and noticed her looking up at me with lust in her eyes, my dick pushing against her inner cheek.

I couldn't stand it any longer. I reached down and pulled her up before I exploded in her mouth. I grabbed the bare cheeks of her ass and rubbed my finger against the g-string of her thong.

"Strip," was all I said. She did as she was told as I did the same thing. Now here she stood before me, in the well light den, as naked as the day she was born. I looked at her mound and smiled. She was shaved smooth, just the way I liked it. I turned and stretched out on the sofa and she started to mount me. I shook my head and directed her around. She took the hint and turned around and straddled my face, putting her body weight on her knees on each side of my neck, her six inch heels brushing past my head. I placed my left hand in the small of her back and pushed her pussy down to my face. At the same time, I used my right hand to push her head down on my dick. She got the hint. I started eating her pussy while she sucked my dick.

She was never one to be vocal during our love-making sessions, but tonight was different. The harder I ate her pussy, the more vocal she became. Her moans started low and deep, but as she neared orgasm, she began to call out.

"Oh, oh, oh! Oh, my GOD!" she screamed. I could feel her arching her back and I knew her head was thrown back in pure ecstasy. She began to shudder as she came, her juices dripping down the sides of my mouth. I allowed her a few seconds to come down off of her sexual high, I then began to push her down to the floor. I sat up again and told me to finish her. She knelt down in front of me and took my throbbing dick back into her mouth. She finished me off and when I finally came, I came in her mouth.





Backsliding Ch. 04



She and Sarah were sitting at the table laughing away as if they'd never missed a beat in their relationship. I came into the kitchen and spoke a greeting, and then walked behind her to the fridge to get a beer. I noticed that she had a much embellished and intricately designed cross tattoo on her right shoulder. I didn't comment. I just grabbed a cold beer and started to close the fridge.

"Can I have one of those?" Kelly asked. "I don't usually drink beer, but that one looks so cold. Do you mind?" she asked me without looking at Sarah. I glanced at Sarah, expecting to see shock in her eyes, but instead I saw nothing. She obviously wasn't bothered about her former church mate drinking beer at her kitchen table. I handed Kelly a Bud Light and walked to the den to enjoy mine. Kelly stayed well after midnight talking to Sarah and catching up on lost time.

The next day was one of my rare Saturday's off. I decided to sleep in and I awoke to find Sarah gone. She left a note on the table saying that she was going in to the salon for a few hours to catch up on some paperwork and that she'd be home around noon. I looked at my watch and discovered that it was 11:00 already. I was outside in the back yard when I heard the patio doors slide open. I figured it was Sarah, so I didn't turn around.

"Did you get your work done at the salon?" I asked.

"Sure did. I even stopped by the church to clean my Sunday school room. Of course Sister Marilyn had to be there. I swear I can't stand that witch!"

A few weeks ago, I'd have been astonished to hear Sarah talk like that about someone, now I was used to it. I turned and looked at her, smiling. For some odd reason, she was smiling back. Something looked different, but I couldn't quite place it. I did notice that her denim skirt barely brushed the top of her knees, shorter than normal, but that wasn't it. She wore tight, stylish name brand t-shirts all the time now, so that still wasn't it. Oh well, maybe I was just imagining things.

"Hey, guess who I saw at the shop today?" She asked. She cut me off before I could answer. "Lizzie, Tommy's wife or girlfriend, or whatever she is. I really like her."

"She's nice. She mentioned last night that she was just at the salon yesterday. She said you convinced her to cut all her hair off."

Sarah laughed out loud. "Cut it off? All she did was cut it up past her shoulders. I told her she should have gone shorter. Did you like it? I thought it looked really good on her." Sarah was rambling. Something was obviously on her mind. "Anyway, she just stopped in to pick up some conditioner and styling gel she forgot yesterday. But she did invite us to go for a ride with her and Tommy later. They'll be here in about 20 minutes, so you better get dressed." She said, turning to leave.

When she turned around, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Was I seeing things? Was my mind playing tricks on me? It couldn't possibly be true, but I knew I wasn't hallucinating. I called out to her before she could walk through the open patio doors.

"Did you cut your hair?"

She wheeled back around, smiling. I knew now that was what she was waiting for me to notice. I was floored. I absolutely knew the implications of this, but I wasn't about to ask.

"I didn't think you'd notice. Actually, I only trimmed about an inch off. The ladies at work said my hair was damaged on the ends and trimming it would make it healthier. I know some people at church might frown on it, but it is my hair. Besides, I'll still wear it up at church tomorrow and no one will know. Now, go get changed. We've got a bike to ride!" She spun and walked into the house as if she hadn't just revealed that she'd committed the cardinal sin for women in her church. I was speechless, but Tommy and Liz soon arrived and I was too preoccupied with the ride to re-open the subject.

After the ride, Tommy and Lizzie came back to the house. I fired up the grill and threw some steaks on for dinner. Tommy and I killed the rest of the Bud Light I had in the fridge, so he suggested to Liz that her and Sarah go to the store and get us another case. I expected Sarah to object, but she didn't.

When they came back from the store, the steaks were almost done. Liz brought us out a cold beer while Sarah stayed in the kitchen, finishing our salads. Liz walked back in the house and came out with a bottle of bourbon and a Coke. Sarah walked out behind her and she looked like she was upset. Her eyes were red as if she had been fighting back tears. I didn't say anything in front of Tommy and Lizzie.

"Damn, girl, you must be about to get your drunk on," Tommy said, nodding toward the bottle of Jack.

"I sure as fuck am!" Lizzie exclaimed, taking a swig directly from the bottle even as she fixed herself a mixed drink.

We sat on the patio for the next several hours, drinking and telling stories. Whatever was bothering Sarah earlier seemed to have disappeared and she was laughing and joking like the rest of us. At one point in the conversation, Sarah even admitted that she'd tried champagne recently and got a little tipsy. Tommy and Lizzie laughed at her use of "tipsy".

"I'd pay good money to see your ass drunk or stoned," Lizzie said, laughing. "I bet you're the shit when you've got a good buzz going."

"Oh, I don't know about that. That one night with a glass of champagne was the only time I've ever drank alcohol. I know for a fact that I'd never use drugs," Sarah replied, a little self-conscious.

"Weed isn't drugs, sweet cheeks," Lizzie said, obviously feeling no pain now. "It's not any worse than drinking beer and you don't get that dumb ass hangover in the morning. So, did you like your buzz off of champagne?"

"Yeah, I did, actually. It was nice. I didn't like the headache the next morning, though."

Eventually the conversation turned to other things. Sarah seemed to be perfectly at ease and I never even saw her flinch as the evening wore on and the beer started to run out. Lizzie had been drinking bourbon for quite a while and she was obviously well on her way to being shit faced. Tommy and I had been smoking cigars and we both laughed when Lizzie reached for one and lit it. She tried to inhale like a cigarette and coughed violently. We laughed even harder. Lizzie put the cigar in an ash tray and started to pour herself another drink. She realized she was out of ice, so she stumbled into the kitchen and came out with two red plastic cups of ice. Without saying a word, she sat down and fixed two bourbons and Coke. She handed one to Sarah. I stopped laughing and looked at my wife.

"Here you go, sweetie," Lizzie said, sliding the glass toward Sarah. Sarah hesitated. "Go on, Sarah, don't be a chicken shit. You did some brave shit today. Just cutting your hair was a huge step. But when you agreed to let Allie give you that hardware, you could've knocked me down with' a fuckin' feather! You did all that shit in one fuckin' day, might as well finish it out!"

I could see that Sarah was visibly shocked. I had no idea what Lizzie was talking about, except for the part about the haircut. I hadn't imagined that Lizzie was present when Sarah decided to trim her hair. I didn't know the positions of all the girls in the salon, but the one time I'd met Allie, she was piercing a client's ears. I started to put two and two together as my dick started to get hard.

Sarah looked at Lizzie with fire in her eyes, but she knew it was just the alcohol talking. I heard her mumble to Lizzie, "He doesn't know yet. It was supposed to be a surprise."

"Damn. I'm sorry, Sarah. I forgot. Now, here, little miss perfect, drink up."

"No. I don't drink, remember?" Sarah said, sliding the cup away. Lizzie slid it back to her.

"You didn't do a lot of things until today. One sin is no worse than another. Hell, I'm pretty fond of all of 'em myself. Now I went through all that trouble of fixing you this drink, the least you could do is actually taste it."

Sarah reached for the cup and glanced at me. I swear she actually smiled as she brought the cup to her lips and took a sip. My dick sprang to attention so hard that I was certain it moved the table. Lizzie and Tommy both cheered her on.

Sarah only drank that one sip and put the cup back on the table. After that, she started really loosening up. She even laughed out loud at Tommy's dirtiest, filthiest jokes. I knew that her tolerance for alcohol, especially for hard liquor, was so low that she probably felt a light buzz, but probably not enough for the alcohol to really affect her actions. Right now, this was pure Sarah. If she was acting differently, it was because she was choosing to, not because of strong drink.

Sarah didn't drink any more that night and I didn't press the issue. The party finally wound down and Tommy and Lizzie eventually said their goodbyes. Tommy was fine, but I was worried that Lizzie might not be able to stay on the back of Tommy's bike, so I told him to take my truck and I'd bring his bike home Sunday morning. Once they were gone, I went back inside to find Sarah sitting at the kitchen table, staring into space. Now that things were quiet, I could see whatever was wrong earlier, was bothering her again. I assumed I had it figured out, so this time I spoke up.

"Listen, honey, there's no shame in tonight. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not a sin to let your hair down and have fun every once in a while, especially in your own home."

"But it is a sin to cut that hair that you let down. And it is a sin to drink alcohol. It's really a sin when someone professes to be a Christian to allow drinking and partying in their own home. Worse yet, I took part in it! I can't believe I was so stupid" she said, standing up abruptly from the table. She started to cry.

"Hush, now, baby," I whispered softly, stepping up to hold her close. She just put her head on my chest and I stroked her hair. "We all do things we regret. Your hair is barely trimmed and it'll grow back. I don't think you've done anything wrong, but if you do, then I promise it will be okay. God will forgive you. "

"He might, but the people at church won't. Remember when Liz and I went to go buy your beer and I came back upset? Well, when we got to the Quick Stop down on the corner, they were out of Bud Light and Lizzie said that's all Tommy will drink and she wanted some Jack, so we went to the supermarket. Guess who walked up behind us in the checkout line? Marilyn Baker! That biddy saw me with a case of beer in my hand and my hair down. She's not dumb; she could tell its cut. I'm sure she's already called pastor by now. "She started to cry again and I just stood there quietly. I understood her fear and it was real, but what's done is done and we couldn't undo it.

She didn't say anything for the longest time. We just stood there embracing, understanding the moment as only a married couple can do. She quit crying and I felt her take a deep breath. She stepped back slightly and looked up at me.

"Do you know what bothers me the most? It's not that I cut my hair. I did that because I wanted to. I might regret it tomorrow, but today I was happy that I did it. What pisses me off is that I'd wanted this to be an amazing evening of surprises for you and somebody like Marilyn had to come along and ruin it!"

I was probably standing there with my mouth open because Sarah had just said "piss", the closest she'd ever come to cursing in her life. But what happened next almost knocked me out cold.

"She even ruined this," she said, lifting her t-shirt to show me a brand new, sparkling barbell through her belly button. She looked at me. I just stood there with my mouth open. My wife had trimmed her hair, drank alcohol and got her first piercing all in the same day. While these things were mundane and probably even boring for "regular" people, considering our religious background, this revelation was earth shattering. I was still speechless when Sarah commented on it. She saw my reaction and finally smiled.

"Do you like it? I wanted to do something wild today and the shop was really slow, so I let Allie and Lizzie talk me into it. The church preaches against outward adornment and wearing jewelry to entice men, but I've never heard them talk about jewelry that can't be seen."

"Well, they got the enticing part right," I said, stepping up and lifting her off her feet to carry her to the bedroom giggling. I stood her up beside the bed and started to undress her. She just stood there and allowed me to. When I'd finished, she stood there like a Greek goddess. Her beautiful make of scarlet hair hung down, bluntly cut and just brushing the tops of her nipples now. Her milky white skin seemed to glow and the light from the bed lamp reflected off of the silver in her belly button. I smiled when I'd noticed that she'd also saved one last surprise for me... a bikini wax. I picked her up and laid her on the bed, then crawled in beside her and started kissing her bare neck.

"Do you like the surprises?" she whispered. "Do you like it when I'm bad? "

"Yes," is all I managed to say as I continued the foreplay with my tongue.

"You know you did this to me, right? It's your fault. When I discovered that porn on your computer, it opened a brand new world for me, one that I've been obsessed with now for weeks. I can't get enough of it, especially the stories. I never dreamed there was such a world of forbidden pleasures out there and I sure never dreamed that they'd make me so horny. You corrupted me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, moving down her neck to her breasts with my tongue.

"Don't be. I like it. But I do have one more surprise for you," she whispered. She turned away and opened the drawer on her night stand and turned off the lamp. She rolled back over to me and moved her hand under the covers to my dick, which was pressing up against her waxed mound. I felt something cold and metallic brush up against the head of my dick. Then I heard a click and a buzzing sound.

Oh my god! Sarah had a vibrator. The girl who had caused the biggest fight of our marriage over her perception of masturbation was now running a vibrator between my dick and her pussy. It was all I could do not to cum right then and there just thinking about it. She pushed the vibrator against my hand. I knew what she wanted without asking. I took the metal shaft and started rubbing the head against her clit. She moaned and instantly got wet. I rubbed it side to side and pushed gently into her folds as she started to lightly thrust against me. I felt for her hand and found it nestled between her thighs, her fingers brushing the folds of her pussy. She was masturbating as I was working her over with her own vibrator. My innocent wife who abhorred sin, degradation and personal sexual gratification was slowly getting herself off.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I turned off the vibrator, rolled over on top of her and pushed the head of my dick into her dripping wet pussy. She opened her legs to accept me and grabbed my shaft to help guide me in. I knew I was so aroused that I wouldn't be able to contain myself much longer. I was about to explode just from thinking about today and the events of the last few weeks. As I thrust into my wife, bringing her almost to orgasm, I dropped my head to her mouth. She nibbled on my earlobe and whispered softly in my ear. I could barely make out her words, but I knew what she said. Her words pushed me over the edge and I erupted inside of her like I'd never done before.

"Fuck me," was all that she had said.



Backsliding Ch. 05



Life is about choices. Looking back now, I realize that with many of the choices I made, I too often played the victim. Maybe my life would have been different had I chosen a different church in a different town. Maybe I would still be a minister had I not allowed the sin of pride to rule my life. But all of that is in the past. I realize that I am the master of my own fate and I chose this path I know walk, for better or worse. 

My wife, Sarah, on the other hand, chose a different path. Sarah chose to stay in her church even when I decided to leave. She chose to remain at the church even though she knew I was upset and thought she should leave when I did. I never openly encouraged her to backslide, but I didn't do my part to encourage her to stay, either. Perhaps I am the reason she recently made the choices she has, but I think not. I'm finding out that my sweet, shy, innocent little wife is far more independent than I ever knew.  Looking back now, maybe I never really knew my wife at all. 

I had always considered Sarah a follower. Her demeanor has always been one of shyness and innocence. I assumed that when she decided to stay with the church after I left, she was doing it because she was following her pastor's orders. Now I understand that she did it because she wanted to. When she decided she wanted to take a secular job away from the church, she did it. And when she decided she wanted to break some of the rules of her church, she did that, too. 

I'll be the first to admit that the changes I'd seen in Sarah recently were an aphrodisiac to me. Maybe it's some kind of sick affliction that I suffer from, I don't know. I didn't want to see her backslide like I had done, but seeing her dabble in forbidden pleasures was so outside of her character that it turned me on.  Our sex life was amazing for the first time in our marriage. 

That evening at home with Tommy and Lizzie, the one where Sarah actually came home with her hair cut and her belly button pierced, really threw me for a flip. On one hand, I was excited about the change Sarah had made, but on the other hand, I feared the consequences. The sex was amazing that night, but I laid awake long after Sarah had fallen asleep, thinking of what the consequences of Sarah's actions may be. I didn't want to be the cause of her eternal damnation. 

Sarah got up the next morning and got dressed for church as always. But this time I could tell something was wrong. I didn't comment on it, but I knew she was worried about Marilyn Baker having seen her in the supermarket with her hair down and trimmed and a case of beer in her hand. Marilyn is a notorious gossip and we both knew that something this juicy, about the church Sunday school director no less, was far too good for her to keep quiet. Sarah headed to church that morning like the condemned going to the gallows. I kissed her good bye, wished her good luck, and fidgeted around the house nervously, waiting for her return. 

I didn't have long to wait. Sarah came home earlier than normal and I was waiting for her when she opened the front door.

"Well, how'd it go?" I asked, trying to hide my nervousness. 

Sarah looked up and smiled. "Actually, it didn't go. Nothing happened."

"What do you mean, nothing happened?" I asked incredulously. 

"I mean, nothing happened. Nada, zilch, nothing. It was just another Sunday. Unless you count the fact that I found out that Sister Baker's husband is having an affair with Stephanie Barnes." Sarah looked at me with just a hint of mischief in her eyes. 

"Stephanie Barnes? The assistant pastor's wife? Are you sure?"

"No, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure. I got to church earlier than normal, because I wanted to have time to pray and repent over what I did yesterday. I went directly to my classroom well before anyone else got there, or so I thought. Anyway, I thought I heard some weird sounds coming from the classroom next to mine, so I moved closer to listen. My first thought was that it might be Sister Marilyn and Brother John, but I doubt she's had sex in the last ten years. When I heard footsteps, I stepped out into the hallway just in time to see John Baker and Stephanie Barnes step out of Marilyn's Sunday school classroom. He was trying to buckle his belt and she was straightening her skirt. I just smiled and said 'good morning' as if nothing was wrong, but they got the message. They didn't waste any time running out of there."

"Damn, what's up with the church? This is the second affair this year!" I said, still in shock. "So, nothing really came of last night?"

"No, which was very surprising," Sarah said, then looked at me very seriously and motioned for the kitchen table, "but we need to have a talk." I felt like the kid who just got called to the principal's office. "We both know that what I've done isn't right. I had no business going against the standards of the church, but I'd also be lying if I told you I didn't have fun last night. I enjoyed it so much that it scares me. I felt so wild and free last night that I doubt there is anything I wouldn't have done."

I was in shock, but I still managed to squeak out a question. "So, are you saying that you're leaving the church?" 

"I don't know what I'm saying. One part of me wants to go wild and get out in the world and experience all it has to offer, but the other part of me, the sensible part, wants to run screaming back and repent of my sins. It's so confusing and frustrating! All I know is this: I'm going to need you to be patient with me, no matter what decision I make. Is that a deal?"

"Deal," I replied. I leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. 

The next few days were a bit confusing for me. Sarah and I spent a nice relaxing Sunday on the patio, but she left early for church. When she came home, she didn't have much to say and went to bed early. Monday morning, as she was getting dressed for work, I noticed she put on a long skirt and a turtle neck and had her hair in her bun again. She hadn't worn a long skirt or a bun to work in weeks. She didn't stay at work any longer than necessary that week and she made sure she left early enough to make it to the Ladies' Auxiliary meeting on Tuesday night, mid-week Bible study on Wednesday and youth service on Friday. She was acting fine, but something was amiss. It sure seemed to me that she was moving right back into her old conservative church routine. 

One Sunday morning I decided to go for a ride while Sarah was at church. When I got home, I found her sitting on the patio, crying. I asked her what was wrong.

"I got fired," she said between sobs. I asked her to explain.  "I'm no longer the Sunday school director. Pastor Johnson called me into his office before service. He told me that it had been reported that I'd been seen in town doing some un-Christian things in the company of sinners. Then he asked me about my hair."

"Asked you what about your hair?"

"He asked if it was true that I cut my hair. I really wanted to lie to him, but I just sat there looking stupid and not answering at all until he asked me to take it down. When I shook my hair loose, he just looked at the ends I'd trimmed and nodded. He went into his speech about how a woman's hair is her glory and how cutting our hair is a grave sin and that I should be ashamed. He reminded me that in order to hold office in the church we had to abide by its standards. He said he had no choice but to remove me from my position as Sunday School Director. 

"What about your Sunday school class? Did he remove you from it too?" I knew how deeply Sarah loved her students. 

"No, thank God. He asked me to pray with him and repent, which I did. He told me that I could keep my class as long as I kept my hair up and promised not to sin anymore. I did."

"That's good, I guess, but I'm not sure why you're crying. Sounds like it worked out pretty good to me."

"No, it didn't. He gave the director's position, my position, to that witch, Marilyn. I know I shouldn't feel that way about anyone, but I seriously dislike that woman. I would almost feel sorry for her because her husband is screwing Sister Stephanie, but she's probably such a prude that he's got to get it where he can."





Backsliding Ch. 05



This felt too good not to share. I took the bottle from her and held it to her nose. She shook her head violently, real fear in her eyes. I understood her apprehension. I was the same way ten minutes ago, but now a line had been crossed and there was no going back. I held the bottle to her nose again.

"What's it like?" she asked, obviously curious. 

"It's amazing. I really don't know how to describe. It doesn't last long, but for two or three minutes, you're fucked up and ready to fuck anything with a heartbeat. Try it."

"I can't. I'm not ready." Her mouth said one thing, but her eyes told me something else. She wanted to, but she was still afraid. "I just bought it more or less as a gag. I wanted to see how you'd like it, not actually use any myself."

"Come on, try it," I whispered softly. "It won't hurt you, I promise." 

I pushed the bottle toward her nose again. She looked at me with a sad, defeated look in her eyes, but didn't turn her nose away this time. I took it as a signal and held her opposite nostril closed. She looked up at me then closed her eyes an inhaled deeply. For a few seconds, nothing happened, all of a sudden her eyes sprang open and she stared at me. I swear I could literally see her pupils dilate as the head rush hit her. She smiled and closed her eyes again. She sat motionless for a few seconds, obviously enjoying her first experience at being high, and then began to ride my cock even harder. 

I was about to come, but I was trying to hold back. Sarah continued to ride me harder, moaning a deep guttural moan from somewhere down deep. I didn't know if it was the amyl nitrate or my dick making her feel this way, but I really didn't care. I pushed the bottle back to her nose. She pushed it back.

"You first," she said. I closed off one nostril with my thumb and inhaled, then repeated the process with the other nostril. I smiled when the rush hit me. The high was so intense that I just sat there with the bottle held loosely in my hands. I barely registered at first as I felt Sarah take the bottle from my hand. Then I saw her bring it to her own nose without any encouragement from me. She closed off a nostril with her thumb like she had seen me do and inhaled. She inhaled so deeply that I feared she was going to actually snort some of the toxic liquid. She repeated the process. Again, she sat motionless on my throbbing shaft as she rode the euphoria of the head rush, then as the blood vessels in her pussy expanded and the wave of lust hit her, she began to thrust on my shaft with wild abandon. I knew at that moment she was as high as I was. We had both crossed a line that could never be uncrossed. 

We both came at the same moment, moaning and fucking like animals. When we were done, we collapsed in each other's arms and slept the whole night together in the nude. She woke me up long before dawn and we went another round, but this time without the amyl. I'd never seen her want sex so much, but I wasn't complaining. 

That night proved to be a turning point in our journey as a couple. We both got up the next morning and went to work as if nothing had changed, but I knew it had. The sweet, totally innocent church wife who left to go to Miami last week wasn't the same person who returned. I suspected that person would never return again. 

My suspicions were confirmed when I came in from work that night and found Sarah watching TV in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I'd never known her to wear shorts before, not even around the house. 

"Aren't you going to be late for the revival tonight?" I asked. She knew immediately that I was fishing for answers to questions I was too afraid to ask. 

"No, I'm not going to be late because I'm not going," she replied coyly. Then she looked up at me with a serious expression on her face and said, "I'll go tomorrow night. Tonight I just want to sit here and sort some things out in my head. " 

The voice of reason said to let her work it out on her own, but I was still sympathetic to what she was struggling with. I'd been there myself and I knew she was having a tougher time dealing with it than I did. I decided to push the subject. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"No. Yes. I don't know. I know it's something I have to figure out on my own, but I don't know which way to turn anymore. A week ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I knew I was sinning and I was sorry for it. I thought when I went to the pastor and confessed I could straighten it all out. My plan was to go and repent, get back on the straight and narrow and do right from now on. That whole women's retreat thing, back to back with this revival, was going to set me up to put my sins behind me. Then I got called to go to the hair show with the girls from work, and boom, I'm worse off now than when I started!" She started to cry softly. 

I didn't say anything for several minutes. 

"Are you happy?" I asked. She looked at me like I had two heads. 

"Do I look happy?" She asked, incredulously. "I'm sitting her crying. My life is a roller coaster. One week I'm Sister Christian and the next I'm acting like a Jezebel. I'm miserable!"

"Then I think you just answered your own question. Why are you doing what you're doing if you're miserable? I think you made your decision a long time ago, you just didn't want to accept it." She just looked at me with a blank stare, so I let the conversation go. 

The next night, I came home from work just in time to catch her heading out the door to go to the revival service. She was dressed in her typical conservative church outfit. I noticed that she had taken extra pains to fix her layered hair up so that it wasn't easily visible that she had cut it. I assumed she was headed out early to go meet with her pastor and seek his forgiveness for falling off the wagon again. 

I went in, showered and settled down to a good movie. Even though it was a Friday night, I decided to skip my regular ritualistic trip to the watering hole with the guys, opting instead to just come home and relax. I was sitting on the couch drinking my third Bud Light of the night when I heard the front door open and close. I looked at my watch, surprised to see that she was home so early. I didn't even turn around when she walked into the den. I just turned up my beer and took another swallow. She stepped in front of me. I could see that her eyes were red from crying, but the tears were gone now. 

"Do you have one of those for me?" She asked, nodding toward my beer. I knew she was joking, so I didn't even acknowledge her remark. She spoke up, "I'm serious. I want a beer."

"Sarah, are you okay? Did you fall and bump your head?" I asked.

"No, I didn't fall. I just need something to calm my nerves," she replied, turning and heading toward the kitchen. I heard the refrigerator door open and heard glass clinking. She walked back in with her own Bud Light and sat down beside me. I waited for her to continue. "Well, it's official. I am officially an ex-member of the First Pentecostal Church. Let the games begin."

The air left me like a steam roller. I couldn't speak. I just looked at her with a confused expression on my face. Before I could digest the news, she turned up her beer and took several large gulps. Whatever had happened tonight was monumental. 

"Yuck. I don't see how you drink this stuff," she said, taking another big swallow and setting the bottle on the coffee table. "I guess you want to know what I'm talking about. Well, I resigned from Sunday school tonight and told the congregation I was quitting the church."

I was still speechless and just nodded for her to continue. 

"I asked permission to address the congregation before the preaching started and I walked up to the microphone and told the entire church that I was resigning my Sunday school class and leaving the church. I then walked out and drove home. Now I'm working on getting drunk for the first time in my life." She finished off her beer and got up and walked to the kitchen again. This time she came back with two beers, handing me one of them. 

I finally managed to ask, "What are you talking about? What do you mean, you resigned?"

"I mean, I resigned. I quit. I'm done with that church. I'm not going back. I made my decision."

"Care to explain what brought on this sudden change of heart?" I asked. 

"It's not sudden. It's been coming for a long time and you know it. I've just been trying to fight it. I went to church tonight with every intention of going to the altar and praying back through. I really did. I even went early for that very reason. But something happened tonight that let me know I was making a huge mistake. For once, I listened to my heart and not my head."

"What happened?"

"Well, when I got there, Jennifer Beachum was waiting for me in the parking lot." Jennifer Beachum was the 21 year old daughter of Sarah's friend, Janet Beachum, and one of the members of Sarah's young adults Sunday school class. "I could tell that something was wrong right off the bat. Jenny asked if she could speak to me in private, so we went into my classroom and locked the door. Then she started to confide in me. She told me that she was really struggling in her walk with God and that she was considering quitting church. She's a college student and she was struggling with temptations that she couldn't control. Basically, she told me she was backsliding and she wanted me to talk her out of it."

"Did you?" I asked. She just looked at me with a look of defeat on her face and shook her head. She pulled at her Bud Light again, killing half the bottle. She looked at what she had done and let out a quick giggle. She was getting a buzz already. 

"No, of course not, how could I? I realized right then that I couldn't tell her not to do what I'd been doing myself. I refuse to be a hypocrite. I told her that she had to follow her heart. When she left, I knew that I had to do the same thing. So I went to service, managed to force myself to sit through most of it, then asked to address the congregation. Needless to say, I stunned a whole church full of people with that announcement. I didn't wait around to see their reaction after the shock wore off. I got the hell out of there."

"Did you just swear?" I asked jokingly. 

"Saying 'hell' isn't swearing. Besides, I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot worse from now on. I do work with some hardcore sinners, remember? Speaking of which, damn, I think I'm getting a buzz. Bring me another one of these," she said, handing me her second empty bottle. 

I did as instructed, but didn't waste any time escorting her to the bedroom.  She was feeling no pain after only three beers and she was horny as hell. She didn't say much. She just started pulling my clothes off and pushed me on the bed. She quickly stripped and mounted me. We fucked without saying a word. 





Backsliding Ch. 05



Sarah was moving around the house, getting ready to go out. Since it was Friday, she had called me earlier and asked me to come home and pick her up before I headed to the Broken Spoke. She said she felt like going out tonight. I walked into the bedroom and handed her the cold beer. She stood up on her tip toes to kiss me hello. I could taste a margarita on her breath. I was about to comment on that when I noticed the light in the bedroom reflect off of a tiny stud in her left nostril. She saw me looking and smiled. 

"Does this look trashy?" She asked, completely serious, pointing to the new piercing.  

"Actually, no. It's so small; I can barely see it unless the light hits it just right. I think it's pretty cool."

"That's what the girls at work said, too. They recommended I get one. So far, I like it. So, how about this?" Then, without warning, she grabbed the base of her ponytail, lifted her highlighted hair, and turned her head to expose a small butterfly tattoo on the upper nape of her neck.  The soft hairs of her nape had been shaved smooth and a light coating of antiseptic gel covered the fresh ink. 

I got hard on that one. When she had been a practicing Christian, Sarah had been totally against piercings and tattoos on women. Now she sported both, although both were small, inconspicuous and in good taste. I knew that most women her age these days had tattoos, including Kelly and Lizzie and most of the girls at work. Lizzie had said once that they were addictive and you could never have just one. I wondered if that would be the case for Sarah as well.  

"Damn, girl. You're all about surprises, aren't you?" I joked half-heartedly, kissing her hard on the lips. "Tonight's Friday. I expected to come home to find you gone to Youth Service." 

"Oh, you've got jokes, don't you?" She said, taking a sip of her beer. "I think my church days are behind me for good."

"Well, if church is out, we should hurry and get to the Spoke. You can show off your new tat and nose stud to Lizzie." 

"Oh, Lizzie has seen the stud already. She was at the shop today when I got it done. Kelly went with me to get my tattoo, but it was Lizzie that suggested I get one when she found out I was interested in hers. It hurt like hell, though. I'm going to have to be drunk or stoned before I get another one." 

We took the truck to the bar because it was threatening to rain. As always, we had a good time with our friends there. Sarah had learned her lesson after that first night out and didn't drink to get overly drunk. She liked to have a good buzz and enjoy the evening. Lizzie and Sarah were now really close friends and they kept us laughing with their jokes and antics all night. At one point Lizzie and Sarah went outside. I assumed it was to walk to the convenience store to buy Lizzie some cigarettes. When Lizzie came in sporting a fresh pack, I knew I'd been right. Sarah, however, never indicated that she was interested in smoking. We stayed for a couple more hours. I was having a great time and drinking more than I should have when Sarah told me she was ready to go home. I tried to protest, but she would have none of it. For some reason she looked anxious to leave. I noticed Lizzie looking at her and grinning when we left. 

"You guys have fun now," was all Lizzie said when we got up to leave. 

Alcohol has a tendency to arouse Sarah and I suspected that she was in a hurry to get home and make love to me. I was wrong. Instead, when we got home, she led me to the den and told me to sit down on the couch. She went out to the truck and came inside with a plastic grocery bag.

"What's that?" I asked as she opened the bag and started sorting out the items inside. 

"It's something Lizzie gave me for tonight. Here, put this in," she said, handing me a DVD. It was a porn video. I knew Sarah was dabbling in soft porn and erotic stories on the Internet again, but we'd never watched a hardcore bona fide porn movie together before. I opened the case and slid the movie in. However, instead of sitting beside me on the couch, Sarah stepped over to the recliner and sat down with the bag. For some reason, she was keeping her distance. She pulled out a small wooden box and sat it on the lamp stand beside the chair. She looked at me with real fear in her eyes. 

"I can't believe I'm thinking about doing this," she said. I was confused. 

"Why? What is it?" I asked, starting to rise from the couch and walk to her. She stopped me in my tracks when she lifted up a small plastic baggie of green leaf. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. "Is, uh, is that what I think it is?"

"If you think its pot, then yes, it's exactly what you think it is."

"What are you going to do with that?" I asked, sounding like a third grader. 

"I'm going to take a bath in it. What the hell do you think I'm going to with it? If I can get up enough nerve."

Tommy and I both took regular drug tests at work, which seemed sort of strange considering we worked at a place that catered to bikers, but Lizzie had no such restraints. She had often made off-handed remarks about smoking the green, but I never really gave it much thought. Now she had given my wife a sample and had encouraged her to try it. I didn't know if I was angry or turned on. I just sat and looked at her as she studied the bag and the two fat joints already rolled inside. She unzipped the baggie and took out one of the joints. 

"Are you going to do it?" I asked anxiously. As rebellious and sinful as I had become, I had never even considered smoking marijuana. The only drug I'd ever tried was alcohol and amyl nitrate a few times during sex. "Do you realize what you're considering? You're thinking about doing drugs."

"Weed isn't a drug. According to the girls at work and Lizzie, it's no worse than drinking, but without the hangover. But I admit that I am afraid to try it."

"Then don't do it," I pleaded. 

"I want to try it. I'm curious to see what it's like. I wonder what it will do to me. Oh, well, I guess it's high time I found out!"

She put one end of the tightly rolled joint in her mouth and flicked the lighter. She brought it to the flame and inhaled deeply. I expected her to cough, but she didn't. She held the smoke for what seemed like forever, and then let it out slowly. She waited for something to happen. She inhaled deeply from a second pull on the pungent smoke. When she exhaled, almost no smoke escaped. I could smell the powerful weed across the room. 

"This shit doesn't work. I don't feel anything," she said, looking at the joint as if it were defective.  She put it back in her mouth and inhaled again. After four or five hits, most of the joint was gone. She crushed the roach out in the ashtray she had brought with her from the bedroom. She started to complain again. "I told Lizzie that stuff wouldn't..."

Just then, Sarah's face went blank and she tilted her head back on the recliner. Her eyes started to close into a half-lidded expression. She just sat there, never finishing her sentence. I knew that my wife was stoned out of her mind for the first time and my dick was as pressing against my zipper, as hard as a stone.

"Sarah, are you okay?" I asked after she sat there for several minutes without responding. "Sarah, can you hear me? Are you okay?"

She finally turned her head toward the sound of my voice. I could see her trying to focus. "Huh? Okay? Yeah, I'm okay, very okay." Then she fell back into her half-lidded expression, obviously still riding the intense high. After several minutes, she seemed to come back to her senses. I couldn't stand it any longer. I wanted to know what she was experiencing. 

"How do you feel?" I asked.

She was finally able to comprehend what I was saying. She sat up a little in the chair and looked at me. "I feel numb. My whole body is numb. That shit is strong. I didn't think I was going to feel anything, then it hit me like a fucking train," she started to giggle for no apparent reason. "I said fucking," she said, giggling harder now, "I don't fucking cuss. I'm a fucking good girl!" She laughed harder. 

"I take it you're stoned," I replied.

She seemed to ignore my comment. "I think I'm fucked up."

I let her sit in the recliner for several more minutes as I watched the plot-less porn movie she had put on. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore so I stood up and walked to the recliner. I took her by the hand and pulled her up. She stood up and followed me to the couch without comment. We sat and watched the porn together as she started to come down and mellow out. I asked her again how she felt. 

"I feel good, sort of funky, but in a good way. Now I know why people smoke this stuff. It makes you feel pretty good. You should try it," she said, giggling again softly. 

"You know I can't do that. I'm surprised you did it."

"Yeah, me too, but I'm glad I did. Lizzie said I'd like it and she was right. I wonder if Kelly has tried it yet," Sarah said, temporarily zoning back out. 

When she came down again, she started rubbing the bulge in my jeans. She opened my zipper and pulled out my dick, stroking it lightly as she watched two women fucking on the movie. She knew I was aroused.

"That really turns you on, doesn't it?" She asked, pointing toward the TV. "You'd love to see me fuck another woman, wouldn't you?"

I knew the weed was talking. Sarah never talked about our fantasies, but the smoke had made her bold. I just muttered agreement. She already knew that I'd fantasized about my wife with another woman. I had for years. 

"Well, I've got a couple of fantasies of my own, but we'll talk about them some other time. I do admit, though, that watching this movie is really turning me on. I always thought a woman going down on another was sick, but this shit is pretty hot."

I took my chance. "So, are you saying you'd consider being with another woman?" 

"I'm saying this shit on TV looks pretty hot. Now, get your ass up and let's fuck." 

Overall, Sarah was still pretty conservative even after leaving her church. She still seldom used profanity, unless she had been drinking. The weed must be having a similar affect on her, I reasoned. We got up and walked to the bedroom. I noticed that she brought the wooden box with her and sat it on her nightstand. 

I sat on the edge of the bed and started unbuttoning my shirt. She stopped me and did it for me, rubbing my chest in the process. I was already turned on, now I was getting really aroused. She was wearing a tight black spaghetti strap shirt that barely covered her abdomen. I could make out the slightest hint of the silver dolphin dangling from her belly button. I lifted up her shirt and unhooked her bra. Her tits bounced free. I pulled her to me and sucked gently on her left nipple. She moaned and unbuttoned her jeans, wiggling out of them and kicking them out of the way. I noticed she was wearing a thong. She bent down and kissed me on the neck and pushed me back on the bed. She dropped her thong and climbed in on top of me, straddling my dick. I began to thrust as she rode my cock. 

"Wait," she whispered. She leaned over and turned on the lamp beside the bed. "I want you to watch."

She opened the box and took out another joint and the lighter. She sparked the joint and inhaled deeply, sitting motionless on my throbbing dick as she held the smoke deep in her lungs. She exhaled toward me. The pot smell was so strong that I could feel it starting to affect me after she did it three or four more times. I was getting a slight contact high and I liked it. She sat there on my dick with the light on as I watched the change come over her face. I could literally see her eyelids droop as she started to get stoned again. I knew I was about to explode. 

She looked at me through glassy eyes and smiled. She knew exactly what she was doing to me. "Now let's fuck!" She said. 





Backsliding Ch. 05



"Let's get out of here," she said, dragging me back to the table. She had been nursing a rum and Coke most of the night, but when she got to the table, she grabbed it and killed. The other two couples at the table just looked at her in astonishment. Lizzie had just ordered a round of tequila shots and Sarah grabbed two of them and downed them before I could protest. 

"Whoa, sister!" Lizzie said grabbing the third shot before Sarah could get it. 

"Don't call me that!" hissed Sarah. "I'm nobody's sister anymore. Let's get out of this place, right now!" The others just looked at me in amazement and I shrugged my shoulders. We all got up to leave. I knew what was eating at Sarah, but I'd have to wait to explain it to the rest. 

"Where are we going?" asked Tommy

"Let's go to Charades!" chimed Lizzie.

"A strip club?" asked Kelly. "Damn, it's been forever since we went to a strip club with another couple. That sounds like fun. What do you say, Sarah? Do you want to go to Charades?"

"I don't care where we go as long as I can forget this place and get good and drunk!" 

Just when I thought I'd get Sarah calmed down as we headed across the parking lot, the unthinkable happened. The night club was so popular that we had been forced to park in the restaurant parking lot across the street. I knew we used to frequent the restaurant after church on Sunday nights, but I never dreamed that any more of our old church mates would be there tonight, on a Saturday. I was wrong. Just as Sarah and Kelly were about to climb into the backseat of my pickup, I heard a voice call out their names. I spun around to see Marilyn Baker and several of her high school age Sunday school students. 

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen!" said Marilyn, pointing her finger at the three of us and shaking her head. She looked at her students. "Look at these women," she chided. "See what can happen when you let your morals slip? This is what can happen to you when the spirit of Jezebel gets you!" 

I was too astonished to say anything. Just then, Jenny Beachum came running out of the club with Heather McAllister in tow. They spotted us and ran up to us, Heather stumbled along, clearly intoxicated. Marilyn Baker saw the two of them at the same time we did. Her jaw fell open, but I doubt she was any more astonished than I was. 

"Oh my goodness!" screeched Marilyn. "Look kids, see what happens when you allow one sin to creep into your life? It leads others astray. The devil-"

"Shut the fuck up!" screamed Sarah. "Just shut your fucking mouth, you hypocritical bitch! I've had all of you I'm going to stand. For your information, I didn't corrupt anybody. We're all adults and we all made decisions for ourselves. So fucking what if I'm living in sin? At least I'm happy. Most importantly, my husband is happy. That's more than I can say for you, bitch!"

"What did you say?" Marilyn gasped. 

"You heard me. I might be walking out of a bar, half drunk, with short hair and dressed in clothes you don't approve of, but I'm walking out with the man I love. Maybe if you were in that bar right now with your husband, he wouldn't be fucking Stephanie Barnes!" 

You could have heard a pin drop as we digested what Sarah had just revealed. Marilyn didn't say another word. She just turned toward her car and got in, her students staring dumbfounded in the parking lot as she backed out and drove away. Sarah watched her speed away, then flipped her the finger. We all laughed out loud. Even the astonished and abandoned church kids roared on that one. Sarah turned to walk away.

"Now, let's go to the titty bar," she said. 

As I drove us to Charades, I tried to digest what had just happened. I know that Sarah was upset at having seen her former student in a bar, obviously drunk or high and I know she felt responsible. Jennifer Beachum's revelation about what had happened at church after Sarah left really threw her for a loop. Sarah's biggest fear about leaving had come back to haunt her. As we drove across town, I heard her sniffle once or twice, so I knew she was crying. I whispered in her ear, asking if she wanted me to take her home. She whispered "no" and just sat silently. 

Charades was one of those totally nude strip clubs. The city had an ordinance that bars that offered full nudity couldn't sell alcohol, but patrons could bring their own liquor. We pulled up to a liquor store as we neared the club, Lizzie and Tommy rumbled up beside us in Lizzie's convertible. Sarah climbed out of the front seat and went into the store with Lizzie. The three of us just sat in the truck. 

"She'll be alright," Kelly said. "I had something similar happen to me one time right after I left and I did the same thing. I know she feels responsible for those other people, but it's not her fault. I felt responsible for Sarah backsliding for the longest until I finally realized it wasn't my fault. Sarah did what she did; we all did, because we wanted to do it." 

In a few minutes, Sarah and Lizzie walked out of the store. I noticed Sarah put something in her purse. I assumed it was the receipt. Lizzie walked to the back of my truck and opened the ice chest I kept there. She opened a case of Bud Light and covered it with ice. Sarah held a bottle of Jack Daniels and a cup of iced soda. She pulled the lid off the cup and poured herself a nice shot of Jack. She drank most of the cup before we pulled into the strip club. By the time we walked in, she was feeling no pain. 

Our first experience as a couple in a strip club didn't go as I had fantasized. We sat in the back of the club at a table and drank silently. I knew Sarah was still upset and was trying to calm herself down with alcohol. Eventually it seems to have worked, because the evening picked up. Soon we were all laughing and joking again. Several times during the night, Richard and Tommy went up to the stage and sat down to strategically place folded dollar bills with the strippers. I think Sarah may have been shocked to see Lizzie and Kelly actually encourage their husbands to go up and patronize a stripper. As the alcohol continued to flow freely, so did our inhibitions. It wasn't long before I asked Sarah if I could go up front. She looked nervous, but just nodded her head. There was a beautiful African American that had really caught my eye and I wanted to get closer. I sat through a couple of her numbers and dropped several dollars for her. It wasn't long before we started spending generously and the strippers picked up on that. The black chick followed me to our table and sat down. 

She sat down beside Sarah, her perfumed body actually touching my wife. Sarah self-consciously inched closer to me, but I could tell she was at least intrigued by being so close to a nude woman. The other two couples just took it all in stride and laughed it off. Stormi, as the girl called herself, sat at our table and shared our drinks for several sets. She offered each of us guys a lap dance in the back room, but we declined. She turned to Lizzie and offered her one finally. 

"Maybe later?" was all that Lizzie said. Sarah looked shocked as Stormi stood up and sauntered back to the dressing room. 

"Are you serious? You're really considering letting her give you a lap dance?" asked Sarah, in shock. 

"Of course, I mean, that is why people come to strip clubs, right? To see naked women and get aroused," she replied. "Are you saying if she offered you a lap dance, you'd turn her down?"

"Damn right I would," said Sarah, opening a beer. I knew she was pretty close to drunk now. She turned and faced her oldest friend, Kelly. "Would you turn it down, Kelly?"

Kelly was feeling no pain by now, either. "Fuck no I wouldn't turn it down. I love a good lap dance and so does Richard. He knows that he can buy me a few beers and a couple of lap dances and I'll go home and give him the fucking of a lifetime. He's not stupid. You should try it. I promise you'll like it."

Sarah just sat there, looking confused, when the DJ announced that the costume set was about to begin. The girls all clapped and stood up, pulling their husbands to their feet. Kelly grabbed Sarah by the hand and said "let's go". They literally pulled her to the bar as the three guys followed behind. Sarah was reluctant, but she went anyway. 

The costume set was exactly what it sounded like. The strippers came out in various erotic costumes and danced a number. One was a police woman, one a construction worker, and one a French maid. When one girl came out in a Catholic school girl outfit, complete with six inch stilettos and her hair in pony tails, the crowd went wild. Richard and Tommy reached for their wallets as their wives laughed hysterically. But it was the next set that was life-changing for me. 

As the stage went dark, slow, rhythmic music started to thump. It almost sounded like organ music that you'd hear in church, only funkier. The girls started to sway to it. Then a black light came on as Stormi entered the stage. She was obviously wearing black as only a blue-white ring formed around her head. I swear it looked almost like a halo. Then, as she walked up the runway, dry ice started forming smoke, making the scene surreal and eerie. As the lights changed, I noticed that Stormi was wearing a strangely erotic and sacrilegious version of a nun's habit. I instantly got hard and looked at Sarah. She was staring at Stormi, completely transfixed. The music started to pick up tempo and morphed into a version of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" as Stormi began to strip. She must have seen the look on Sarah's face as fell on her knees in front of my wife, now completely naked except for the nun's head covering and a huge gold cross hanging between her pierced nipples. Her sex, shaved smooth and perfumed, revealed a pierced clit with a single gold ring. Sarah was absolutely hypnotized by the scene of pure erotica before her. I noticed Kelly laid a stack of one dollar bills in front of her best friend and nudge her. Sarah was too transfixed to notice. Finally, Tommy grabbed one of the dollars, folded it, and placed it upright in Sarah's cleavage. The stripper-nun took the hint and inched forward to my wife. She opened her breasts and laid them on each side of Sarah's face, slowly moving them side to side, brushing against her soft skin. Finally, she slowly slid down Sarah's body, her tongue stud just barely brushing down Sarah's neck as she finally grabbed the bill with her teeth. Sarah shuddered. 

Stormi went on around the stage as the song played on, collecting generous tips. She knew she had the hottest act in the club, but she was also smart enough to see that she had touched a button in my wife. Before the set ended, the music switched back to the low techno-church music that it had started with. Stormi, now completely nude minus her platform thigh-high boots and the gold cross, lay on her back in front of my wife. Her legs were bent and open, just a few inches from Sarah's face. She swiped her finger across her pierced pussy lips and brought it to her mouth, licking it. Sarah shuddered again. I noticed Sarah gulp, and then reach for one of the folded dollar bills in front of her. She picked it up and held it out with shaking hands. Stormi inched closer and smiled seductively, then opened up her pussy lips with one hand, indicating for Sarah to put the bill between the folds of her clit. As Sarah reached up to do so, Stormi gently brushed her pussy lips around Sarah's finger, then she slid backwards as the set ended. She stood up, grabbed her habit, and blew my wife a kiss. 

Now back at our table, Sarah was sweating. Kelly and Lizzie knew what was going on and just smiled. "Happens to all of us," whispered Lizzie as she looked at her friend, obviously flushed. Sarah picked up the bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a straight shot over the ice left in her cup from earlier. 

"I need a fucking cigarette," she muttered. Then she reached down for her purse. I saw her fidgeting inside and brought out a pack of Marlboro Light 100s and a lighter. She saw me looking at her with slight disapproval. She shot me a go-to-hell look as she lit up the cigarette and inhaled deeply. 

"Got another one of those?" Sarah looked startled and turned around. It was Stormi, now wearing a sheer white open top and thong. She picked up the pack from the table, lit a cigarette, and sit down. We just stared at her. Sarah fidgeted. "So how'd you like my set?" Stormi was talking only to Sarah as if the other five of us didn't exist. 

"It was nice," replied Sarah, softly. Stormi took another inhale of her cigarette, and then crushed it out in the ashtray on the table. Without saying a word, she took Sarah's half-smoked cigarette from her hand and crushed it out as well. She took Sarah by the hand and stood up, pulling her with her. Sarah looked at her, but offered no protest, as Stormi pulled her along to a padded leather seat along the far wall. I looked on in amazement as this beautiful black goddess sat my wife down in the seat. Sarah just sat there with her hands on the seat beside her. As the music started again for another stripper's set, Stormi started gyrating to the music. My wife was getting her first lap dance! I sat transfixed and hypnotized myself as I watched Stormi go down in mock sex on my wife. Sarah didn't attempt to touch Stormi, but I could tell she wanted to. I knew my wife and I knew she was aroused beyond description at that moment, but so was I. I wanted to open my pants and relieve myself right then and there, but I managed to control myself. I couldn't say much for my companions. 

I heard Tommy mutter, "Holy fucking mother of god" as he watched my wife get the most amazing lap dance on record. Lizzie and Kelly just looked at each other and grinned. They stood up and started to walk toward two of the other strippers waiting to give private dances. As they were walking away, Lizzie turned back to me.

"When she gets finished, you better get her home quick or she's going to fuck you right here."

I took Lizzie's advice and didn't waste any time getting my wife out of the strip club. She didn't protest, either. Tommy offered to give Richard and Kelly a ride home. I grabbed my ice chest with the beer in it and handed Sarah her purse and headed for the door. I left the bottle of Jack with our friends. As we got in the truck and started home, Sarah opened another beer. 

"Damn, what a night. I'm so fucked up," she said as she fidgeted in her purse and pulled out a cigarette and lit up. This time I didn't say anything. I just opened her door glass slightly and kept driving. She sat silently, smoking and drinking as we rolled across the deserted streets toward home. When she finished her cigarette, she flicked it out the window and finished off the beer. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I got up enough courage to squeak out the question that was killing me.

"So, uh, did you like it?" I asked. 

She just looked at me. "What do you think?" I didn't answer and she just sat there for a few minutes. Then, out of the blue, she asked, "Is prostitution still legal in Nevada?"

"Huh? I don't know. I think so, why?"

"Oh, I was just curious. Susan offered to send me to a convention in Vegas in a couple of weeks, but it falls on your birthday, so I told her no. I'm thinking I might reconsider. I think I know what I might get you for your birthday. "

"Hmmm," was all I could muster? 

She laughed and turned to the cooler in the backseat and opened yet another beer. She had been drinking all night, but she still didn't act overly drunk. She was building a tolerance to alcohol. 

"I want another cigarette, but I'm not going to. I don't want to get addicted. Tonight ended pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. I had my doubts after that shit at the dance club."

I glanced over at her, "Well, the night isn't completely over yet." She chuckled and slid over the truck seat and snuggled up close to me. I put my arm around her and ran my hand through the short cropped hair along her upper neck. She purred like a kitten and laid her head on my shoulder. 

"I love you," she whispered. 

"Love you, too," I replied. 

"Did you throw out that bag of weed like I asked you too?"

"No, not yet. I had every intention to, but I just haven't gotten around to it."

"Good. Don't. I think we're going to need it tonight to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" 

"The first night of the rest of our lives."



Backsliding Ch. 06



A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I don't remember who was supposed to have said it, but I guess it applies to my situation. When I stepped out of that church office just over a year ago, I never imagined just what kind of journey I was beginning. My own journey from saint to sinner was a life changing experience for me, but Sarah's journey was earth shattering. If you would have told me a year ago that events were about to be set in motion that would transform a meek and innocent Sunday School teacher into a party girl who was drinking, smoking, and going to bars, I'd have accused you of smoking crack. What a difference a year makes. 

While my own transformation was somewhat slow as I moved from a clean cut youth pastor to a rough-around-the-edges biker, Sarah's transformation seemed to happen in overdrive. In only a matter of weeks, Sarah went from ultra-conservative to uninhibited. Gone were her long skirts, no makeup, no jewelry and long uncut hair. Those things disappeared right before my eyes at an alarming rate. The platinum blonde goddess with her new piercings, tattoos and tighter clothing bore almost no resemblance to the choir girl I married. 

Many of Sarah's changes were cosmetic. Although she changed rapidly on the outside, her internal changes were evolving much more slowly. I knew she was constantly fighting a battle with her conscience and her self-confidence. I knew my wife well enough to know she was carrying a tremendous burden of guilt. I had converted to the church much later than Sarah, who had been born into it. When I left, I quickly shrugged off much of their legalistic teachings as absurd. It was harder for Sarah to disregard what she had always been taught. She may have been fine with damning her own soul, but she really had a problem with leading someone else astray. 

The morning after Sarah's wild night at the night club and our first foray into a strip club was pretty rough for Sarah. She had drunk way too much the night before, probably trying to drown her guilt after running into Jennifer Beachum. The woman that night who cursed at a former church mate, drank herself sick, smoked cigarettes and got a lap dance from a stripper was not the woman I married. All of that was completely out of character for Sarah, and I knew I was going to have to bring it up once her hangover wore off. 

"So, honey, how's that head?" I asked playfully. She just looked at me with a go-to-hell look and managed a weak smile. 

"I'm never drinking again," she whispered, still holding her head in her hands. 

"I'm surprised you drank so much. That isn't like you," I replied, trying to move the conversation along. 

"I know. I never intended to. I mean, I like to drink a little now to socialize, but I never set out to get drunk. I guess running into Jenny Beachum really hit me."

"Yeah, what's up with that? I was surprised at your reaction," I said. 

"Me too. I mean, I knew what I was doing to myself when I quit going to church. I admit that maybe I moved too fast when I went out and got my hair chopped off and all, but damn it, I finally felt free for the first time in my life and I wanted to experiment and try some forbidden pleasures, you know?" 

"Yeah, I know. I did the same thing when I left. We all do. But I never thought I'd see you do some of the stuff you've done, especially so soon after leaving."

"Me either," she said, reaching up and touching the small stud on the side of her nose and then pulling her short blonde hair back from her right ear to expose the four rings there. "Look at this. I've always been one to warn my students about how trashy and worldly tattoos and piercings are, but that's one of the first things I ran out and did. I was always the first to argue that pants on women were immodest, but I hardly ever put on a skirt anymore. And look at my 'glory', I cut it all off! And I smoked! Can you believe that? I have always absolutely detested cigarettes, much less marijuana. What has happened to me?" 

I saw tears come to her eyes, so I reached out and held her hand. "Come on, Sarah, it's not that big of a deal. There's nothing wrong with living a little. When you've been held back so long, it's natural to step out and get a little crazy. I did."

"But it was different for you. When you left, you didn't influence other people to stumble. If Jenny, Janet, or Heather die tomorrow and go to hell, their blood is going to be on my hands!" She started to sob. 

I wanted to argue with her that she was wrong and that those people, like us, had made a conscious decision on their own to do what they did, but I knew Sarah wasn't hearing any of it. She was going to have to fight this on her own. I just held her tight and let her cry. 

Ironically, the very next Saturday at work, who should walk into my store but Edward and Janet Beachum? Edward looked the same except for the t-shirt he wore, but I had to do a double take on Janet. Janet was in her late 30s, but she had always carried herself well. Now she carried herself even better. I felt myself get a little stiff when I saw her standing there in a nice brand name t-shirt and a pair of tight jeans. Like Sarah and Jennifer, she hadn't wasted any time getting her hair cut and colored and her ears pierced. When they saw me at my desk, they both smiled and hurried over. I walked out to meet them. 

"Hey, guys, great to see you! Janet, you look amazing!" I said, hugging Janet and giving Edward a good handshake. I had always liked the Beachums. "What brings you guys here?"

"You do, James," Edward said, "My wife has been driving me nuts about test driving a motorcycle for months. I blame it on you."

"Me? What did I do?" I said, grinning. "Whatever it was, I hope it was good enough to get you to do more than just test drive one."

"She's been rambling on since you showed up at church one Saturday and took your wife for a ride. She's always had this thing for bikes and bikers," Edward said, pinching his wife playfully. "I used to use her skirts as an excuse, but now I'm out of excuses."

"We've got plenty to choose from, so feel free to look around. If you see something you like, I'll set you up with a sales person. Let's talk some more before you leave. I'll be in my office if you have any questions." 

Ed and Janet walked off together to look at some bikes. About fifteen minutes later, Janet came up to my office and knocked on my open door. 

"Find something you like?" I asked.

"We found several we liked, actually. But that's not why I'm here. Do you have a minute?"

"Of course, Janet, come in and have a seat. Shut the door if you'd like." She did just that.

"Is Sarah okay?" Janet asked, cutting right to the chase.

"Yeah, she's fine, I guess," I replied, genuinely confused.

"Look, she does understand that she's not responsible for my decision to get out of church, right?" 

"Well, Janet, I wish I could tell you yes, but the truth is I do think she feels responsible. She's always had this hang up about being a stumbling block to others. One reason she left when she did was because she was afraid she was leading her students astray. So when we bumped into Jenny at that club and she had quit and said you had too, well..."

"Look, this isn't the first time I've been out of church. I quit several years ago, long before you and Sarah moved here, but I went back when Jennifer was young. I've been unhappy for a long time and had been thinking about leaving, but I didn't want to be a bad influence on Jenny. When Sarah left, well, it sort of gave me the courage I needed to go ahead and go. Jenny had already made up her mind to leave months ago. We had already discussed it and I told her to follow her heart. When Sarah told her the same thing, it just confirmed what she had already decided to do. Jeeze, I never wanted Sarah to think she caused us to stumble. I really need to talk to her."

"I'm sure she'd like that. She's really having a tough time right now, trying to work through guilt issues. It would help her a lot if you told her what you just told me. She's working today, actually."

"I've been thinking about cutting my hair again. Maybe I'll drop by after lunch today. Do you think she'd fit me in with one of their stylists on short notice?"

"Of course she would. She sure would enjoy talking with you. You've always been a great friend to her."

"She's an amazing person in her own right. I see Edward talking to a salesman. Maybe I've created a monster," she said, as we both laughed. "Hmmm, I guess I better start looking for some leather if I'm going to be a biker babe. Thanks, James, for letting me talk to you and being honest with me. I'll do what I can to help Sarah. Oh, and make sure you cut us a deal on a motorcycle!"

I laughed again and nodded my head. "Of course I will, Janet. You'll get the best deal in the house!"

I beat Sarah home from work that afternoon and was sitting on the sofa when she finally came in. I was well into a ball game on TV and heard her open the fridge and take something out. I heard the unmistakable sound of a bottle being opened. She walked into the den carrying a cold Bud Lite. 

"I thought you said you were never drinking alcohol again?" I said teasingly. 

"I'm not. This is for you," she said, handing me the bottle. "Guess who came by the shop today?"

"Janet Beachum," I replied. "How did you know?"

"Because she and Ed came by the dealership today looking at bikes. She asked about you and mentioned that she needed a haircut. I suggested she go by your salon." 

"That was nice. We had a really nice chat. She stayed in my office and talked for the longest even after she got her hair done."

"Was that awkward? I know how you feel about her backsliding and all," I said, obviously fishing for answers. 

"It was at first. It was really weird seeing her come into the shop because I had only known her a certain way. It was different when Kelly got out of church. She's my best friend, but Janet was more like my mentor. I never dreamed that she'd leave the church."

"Well, shit happens," I replied. 

"Yeah, it does. That's basically what Janet said. She promised me that it wasn't my fault that she left."

"See, I told you that you were feeling guilty for no reason. People make their own decisions, Sarah."

"I know that now. That talk with Janet really helped me out. For the first time ever, I finally feel like I've been able to cut my ties with the church. I honestly don't give a shit anymore what they do or what they think of me. This is who I am now and I plan to enjoy it while I can."

"Preach it, sister!" I said, sounding like the preacher that I used to be. I put my hand on her forehead and pushed her head back as if I were laying hands on her to pray for her. She knocked my hand back and feigned insult, but with a smile on her face. 

"Fuck you, asshole," she said, laughing out loud. "Now be a dear and go get your poor deprived sinner wife a beer."

"I thought you quit drinking?"

"That was last week. I saw you drinking and it made me stumble back into my sinful ways." 

While I was gone, I heard the phone ring and Sarah answer it. I rummaged around in the kitchen looking for a snack. I could hear Sarah in deep conversation in the den, but I couldn't make out the conversation. When I finally returned to the sofa, she was just hanging up the phone. I handed her the beer and sat down.

"Who was that?"

"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you," Sarah said. "It was Rachel."

"Your sister, Rachel? I thought you two weren't exactly on speaking terms right now?"

Sarah and I had been in this city for almost two years now. When we first moved here, we regularly made the six hour drive back to our hometown in a neighboring state to visit her family. I didn't have much of a family and just adopted hers when we got married. She had always been really close to her family, especially her older sister Rachel. If anything, Rachel was even more of a conservative tow-the-line Pentecostal than Sarah. When word first made it back home that I had backslidden, it was Rachel that suggested that Sarah leave me. She warned Sarah against the dangers of being "unequally yoked" with a non-believer. When Sarah refused, the relationship with her sister became strained. When word got back to Rachel that Sarah had also quit, they quit speaking at all. 

"Yeah, my sister Rachel," Sarah said. "She's coming to visit. I think she's going to stay a few days."

"Rachel is coming here? Wow, that's a miracle."

"She filed for a divorce," Sarah said with a hint of finality to her voice. 

"What? Rachel is getting a divorce? You've got to be kidding me!" I could hardly believe my ears.

"I didn't pry into the details on the phone because she's so upset. She needs to get away from everything when the girls go to Mike's for the summer, which won't be for several weeks. She asked if she could come here. What was I supposed to do? She's my sister."

"No, don't worry about it. She's family. You did the only thing you could do. She needs you right now, so help her out."

Sarah got up and hugged me, whispering "Thanks, I love you honey, in my ear" and kissing me on the lips. I couldn't help but think about Rachel and Mike. They had always seemed to have the perfect life. Mike had a successful business downtown and Rachel was the quintessential soccer mom, staying home to raise their two girls. I was really curious about what had brought on the split. The church strictly forbade divorce under any circumstance except adultery. 

After a while, Sarah spoke up. "That could have been us, you know."

"Yeah, I know. You had a hard time adjusting when I backslid."

"Yes, I did. It seems so silly now. I feel like our marriage is healthier than it has ever been. I guess things started falling into place when I started to accept the changes and started experimenting for myself. I fought against the urges so hard at first, but after a while, I just lost the will to fight. I started breaking a few rules and the next thing you know, I'm a bigger sinner than you are. But the strange part is, for the first time maybe in my whole life, I feel genuinely happy and satisfied with my choices."

After that, life finally settled into a sense of normalcy for us. Sarah was settling down some and not into experimenting with sinful pleasures quite so much. She found that she had a real knack for marketing and the Parker Corporation was experiencing record sales of its products and salons in Sarah's district. Robert Parker himself purposely drove to the salon where Sarah had an office to notify her of her new bonus. It was pretty sizeable and we were both excited. It was enough for a down payment on a new convertible sports car. 

As we moved back into a more familiar married couple routine, we both curtailed our partying somewhat, opting to spend more quality time at home enjoying each other and a quiet evening on the couch. Sarah still stopped off occasionally with the girls for a margarita or daiquiri, but not as often as she did when she first backslid. The same was true for my visits after work to the Broken Spoke. Sarah had completely stopped smoking even the occasional cigarette, even when she was drinking, and she never once mentioned smoking marijuana since she alluded to it after the night at Charades. She even let her hair start to grow out again. All in all, life was good and about as normal as we could make it. 

Our sex life hadn't slowed down much, however. Sarah had discovered a new sexuality within herself since she had left the church and I was all too happy to oblige her lust. We didn't make any more trips to Charades during this time, but Sarah had become more open about her fantasies. She regularly looked at porn on the Internet and had become as addicted as I was to a couple of the better erotic literature sites online. She even got me to go into an erotic lingerie store and help her shop for a few adult toys and clothing that she experimented with behind the closed doors of our bedroom. 

One Sunday morning in early June I was mowing the lawn when a car I didn't recognize pulled into the drive. I stopped the mower and was somewhat surprised to see Sarah's sister Rachel step out. Rachel McAdams was three years older than her sister, and bore a striking resemblance to her from a distance. When she stepped out of the car, I immediately had a quick flashback to what Sarah had looked like just a few months ago. Rachel had the flowing locks down the middle of her back that Sarah had once favored, but hers was a dusty brown instead of red. She was slightly taller than Sarah, but roughly the same body size.

I killed the mower and walked toward her, smiling. She pulled off her oversized shades and smiled. I noticed the way her blue eyes twinkled in a face that had never known makeup. She grabbed me and gave me a hug with genuine sincerity. We had never been close, but she was my wife's only sister and had once been her closest friend. I couldn't help but feel sympathy for her and her situation. We exchanged pleasantries for a second and I invited her in. Sarah had gone to the Quick Mart down the street to pick me up some beer, so I told Rachel that she should be right back. I went inside, helped her put her luggage in the guest bedroom and fixed her a glass of ice tea, which we took outside to the back patio. 

Rachel was in the middle of a conversation catching me up to speed on her young daughters when Sarah walked through the sliding glass doors of the patio. Rachel stopped mid-sentence with her mouth open when she saw her sister. I could see the look of shock and disbelief come over her sister's face, but she masked it quickly and jumped up to run to Sarah. She grabbed her and broke into tears as they hugged. Rachel stepped back and held her sister's shoulders as if to examine her. 

"Wow, Sarah, you look amazing!" She said, sounding genuine. She ran her fingers through the fringes of Sarah's hair which she had been allowing to grow out and now brushed the bottom of her shoulders. "You hair looks really good. Short hair fits you."

"Do you like it? I guess it's one of the benefits of working at a salon. I get free haircuts. I never dreamed I'd like short hair, but I honestly don't think I'll ever have long hair again."

"Never is a long time. Who knows, you may want your glory back one of these days."

I cringed when I heard Rachel say it. I had hoped that Rachel would just let the whole church issue drop. It had all but destroyed their relationship and I wanted them to reconcile. Sarah acted like she didn't hear the snide remark about her hair.

"You look really good, sister. How are the girls?"

No more mention was made about our new sinful ways and Rachel and Sarah settled down to some deep conversation about things back home. Rachel filled us in on how the girls were doing, how Sarah's parents were, how the people in the home church were doing and life in general. Sarah finally got around to asking about Mike and the divorce. Rachel hesitated for a moment, and then went into the details about Mike's infidelity with his new secretary. Rachel explained that even though she was bitterly hurt over his cheating, she still tried to make it work for the girls' sake. Mike had quit the church when the affair became public, but Rachel had convinced him to come back and try to make it work. He did and they tried to work through the problems, but in the end Mike couldn't stay faithful and left again with his secretary. Rachel filed for divorce on advice from her pastor. 

"So Mike's living with his secretary?" asked Sarah. 

"Yeah, do you believe that? He moved in with the little whore and they're living in sin over in Westport. He's not even trying to live for God. I hate to bring my girls around that kind of atmosphere, but what can I do? I don't hate him, I just feel sorry for him, and he's still the girls' dad. They miss him and he needs to be a part of their lives."




Backsliding Ch. 06



"You're right, Rachel. No matter what Mike did, he still loves his girls and they have a right to be with their father when they can." I said. Rachel and Sarah both nodded agreement. 

"I know, but I feel sorry for them. Mike isn't a bad man, but he's not right with the church, either. When the girls go over there, he allows them to watch TV, wear shorts and do things that I'd never allow. When they get back home, I have to work hard to deprogram them from the sin he's allowed them to experience. Kayla is still a little young, but Haylee is already bugging me because Mike promised her she could get her ears pierced. There's no telling what he'll do these next few weeks while he has them for the summer."

Sarah spoke up. "Those poor girls. I know it must be hard trying to straddle the fence and live in two different worlds with two different parents. Are you sure you want them to live life that way, Rachel?" 

"What do you mean? What other choice do I have?"

"Well," Sarah hesitated, but then took a deep breath and decided to push forward, "have you considered maybe loosening up a little?"

Rachel picked up on where Sarah was going with this and sighed. I expected her to immediately get angry, but instead she replied with a simple "yes". Sarah asked her to explain. 

"Ever since I took Mike back, we had some pretty serious conversations about the church, the girls, and our future. We had actually talked about finding a congregation that wasn't so strict, but I got cold feet and wouldn't follow through with it. After that, he went back to Michelle and that was that."

"So you just decided to stay at our old home church?"

"Well, not exactly. Actually, I just haven't had the motivation to go much lately. I've been finding various excuses to stay home, especially when the girls aren't with me. I haven't been to church at all in over a month."

"So does that mean you're quitting the church?" Sarah asked bluntly.

"Of course not!" Rachel shot back, obviously upset. "Why do you say that? Just because you wanted to go out and experience the world doesn't mean I want to!"

"Calm down. It was a valid question and you know it. We've been taught our entire lives that when someone starts missing church on a regular basis; they are sliding away from the truth. Hell, it happened to me, so why wouldn't I ask if it was happening to you?"

"You don't have to swear. No, sister, it's not happening to me. I love the church and what it stands for."

"Okay, fair enough. So you're not getting the urge to experiment?"

Rachel started to shake her head, but stopped. She shrugged her shoulders and looked at her sister. "I can't lie to you, Sarah. I know I'm not where I need to be spiritually. This whole divorce has taken its toll on me. To be honest, I have been dabbling in things I wouldn't ordinarily do."

I saw a brief smile cross Sarah's face as she shot a quick glance at me. "Like what?" she asked. 

"Oh, nothing much, I guess. You can see that my skirts are shorter than I normally would have worn them. I'm wearing my hair down more. I find myself watching TV more and more when I'm at a friend's house. I listen to secular music on the radio. Little things, I guess."

"What about sex? Are you getting any?"

"Sarah Rene! How dare you ask me that?" Rachel almost screamed. I choked on the tea I'd just swallowed. 

"I think it's a very valid question. Obviously you're not getting laid. Do you want to?"

Rachel shot me a glance and looked back at Sarah. I knew she was uneasy talking about it in front of me, but Sarah wouldn't let her out that easy. I knew Sarah had something up her sleeve and she was purposely putting her sister in an uncomfortable situation. 

"Look, Rach," Sarah said, "you're a grown woman with needs. You've been married since you were 19 years old. Aren't you lonely?" 

"Yes, I'm lonely. I know it's only been a few months, but I'd like to start trying to date a little. I feel so unattractive. I couldn't even keep Michael happy. How am I going to attract someone else? There aren't any single guys my age at church. It's one of the reasons I've sort of lost interest in going. I feel awkward being there alone after all these years. All the single men are taken."

"No they're not, Rachel," Sarah said. "You're just not looking in the right places."

After that, the conversation just drifted back into mundane topics. Sarah had planted her seed and she'd wait to see how it developed. Later that night after we'd gone to bed, I asked Sarah what she meant to do about her sister. 

"I'm going to corrupt her," she said. I was surprised and said something to the effect. 

"Just a few weeks ago you were really struggling with guilt because a couple of your students and a friend quit the church. Now you're going to try and get your sister to quit?"

"I know I'm evil," she laughed sarcastically, "but it's for the best. Rachel is miserable inside and she's ready to get out there and live a little. I'm going to help her."

"And you don't feel guilty for doing that? Aren't you leading her down the pathway to sin?" I half joked. 

"No, actually I don't feel guilty for it. Rachel is a grown ass woman who can make grown ass decisions for herself. If she chooses to break a few rules and have a little fun it's because she wanted to. I can't force her to do anything. I can only give her the opportunity. The decision is hers."

Sarah spent as much time with her sister as possible over the next week. She had some vacation days coming from work, so she took those to spend with Rachel. They kept the wheels hot on her convertible, showing her all the tourist spots in the area. In the mean time, Sarah asked me to have some of the single guys from work to meet up Friday at the Spoke. I asked her if she was sure her sister would go to a bar with us and she just smiled and nodded. 

There were a few guys at the shop who were roughly Rachel's age, so I made sure they were going to be at the Spoke that evening. I clocked out early and met Sarah at the house. Rachel was in the den watching TV when we both walked in. 

"What are you doing, Rachel? Get up and let's get dressed! We've got places to go and people to meet! You can't mope around the house your whole life."

"What are you talking about? Where are you planning to take me? It's not a bar is it? You know I don't go to bars!"

"Oh, come on sister. Lighten up a little. I've spent enough time with you this week to know you're more than ready to go to a bar. You're not living right and you know it. Quit making excuses. Now get up and let's go get your groove on!"

"I can't. I don't have anything to wear," she motioned toward her long jean skirt. "Even if I wanted to go out with you, which I don't, I couldn't go looking like this."

"I've got some jeans you could wear. Hell, I've got plenty of clothes you could wear. So now what's your excuse?"

"I don't wear jeans and you know it."

"We could make an exception for once, but you don't have to wear jeans. I've got some nice shorter skirts that you'd be smoking hot in as well, let's go!" Despite her protests, Sarah pulled Rachel to her feet. She motioned for me to go start getting dressed myself. I took the hint. 

Twenty minutes later, I was drinking my first beer of the night when I heard Sarah exclaim behind me, "Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention please? I now present, for your viewing pleasure, one smoking hot babe. Please make welcome the new and improved, Rachel McAdams! Drum roll please?"

I got up and pretended to do a drum roll, making the silly noise with my mouth. Shyly, my sister stepped out around the corner and into the den. My jaw dropped and Sarah smiled. Standing before me was a beautiful woman. Rachel was wearing makeup for the first time in her life. Sarah had become adept at using makeup since going to work at the salon and Rachel looked like a professional had done her eyes, cheeks and lips. The dark eye shadow made her baby blues almost pop out of her skull. Her brown hair had been straightened and hung down over each one of her breasts, which were themselves pronounced under the spaghetti strap top that she wore. The top hugged her breasts and then flared out slightly almost like a dress, stopping just below her waist line. I noticed that Sarah hadn't been able to talk Rachel into wearing jeans, but she was wearing one of Sarah's shorter jean skirts. Rachel was taller than Sarah and the skirt stopped mid-calf on her sister, accenting her gorgeous long legs, which were further enhanced by a pair of thick soled stripper pumps. I noticed that Sarah had even talked her sister into wearing a nice pearl necklace and some bracelets. I whistled at Rachel and she smiled. 

"You like?" Sarah asked me.

"Hell yeah, I like. Rachel, you're fucking hot!" 

Rachel flinched at my use of profanity, but smiled and blushed anyway. I could tell she was enjoying the compliments. Sarah, who looked equally hot in her tight daisy duke shorts and cowboy boots, looked genuinely happy for her sister. On the way to the bar, Sarah phoned Kelly to tell her that Rachel was going with us and suggested she meet us there. Kelly, who had known Rachel for years, readily agreed. She and Richard were waiting there with Tommy and Lizzie when we arrived. 

Rachel was the hit of the evening. For a girl who had never been inside a bar before, she took to it like a duck to water. None of us encouraged her to drink, which she didn't, but by the end of the evening she was taking sips of Sarah's beer. The girls eventually convinced Rachel to get out on the dance floor with them and she seemed to enjoy it, though she had no experience dancing. Eventually, several guys made their rounds to our table and asked Rachel to dance. She kept the dance floor hot for the next hour or so, rarely having time to come back to our table. 

I noticed that she was spending a considerable amount of time on the floor with a big black guy. I noticed that after the second or third time he danced with her, he brought her back to his seat at the bar. I nudged Sarah when I saw the bartender put a mixed drink down in front of Rachel. I also noticed when the black guy put his hand on Rachel's thigh. I felt that old feeling of protection coming down on me and I started to get up and go have a little "chat" with Rachel's friend, but Sarah stopped me. She said that Rachel was a big girl; let her do what she wanted tonight. I sat back down, but I still kept my eye on them. 

Eventually Rachel brought him back to our table and introduced him as Marcus. He sat down for a few minutes and ordered us a round of drinks. As we got to talking, he seemed like a decent enough sort. For the rest of the evening, he monopolized Rachel and bought her several drinks. When it was time to go, he kissed her good night. Rachel wasn't drunk, but she had a really good buzz, so we decided to leave a little early before she got too wasted. 

The next morning was Saturday and I had plenty of things to do around the house. Sarah let Rachel sleep in, but when she finally got up and got her headache under control, Sarah suggested they go shopping. Rachel readily agreed. Several hours later they returned with several large bags from different department stores. I expected that we'd be going out again tonight if Rachel hadn't been scared off from too much partying too soon in her journey. It turns out I was wrong. Rachel hadn't been scared off, not by a long shot, but she wasn't going out with her sister tonight, either. It seems that Marcus had invited her to go out with him instead and she had accepted. 

He knocked on our door about a quarter of eight. Rachel was still in the back getting dressed with Sarah's help, so I played host for a few minutes. The more I talked to Marcus, the more I liked him. He seemed like a genuinely good guy. Like Rachel, he was recently divorced, and had a daughter. We found common ground in sports and motorcycles and had a great conversation going when Rachel finally walked in the room. 

She was stunningly beautiful once Sarah got through with her makeup and wardrobe. I smiled and winked at Sarah when I saw that Rachel was wearing a pair of Sarah's jeans. They accented her curves just right. Her hair was teased out and she looked ready to party. I heard her tell Sarah not to wait up for her as she walked out the door. Sarah just smiled and said not a chance. 

Sarah didn't wait up for Rachel, but she was certainly waiting for her Sunday morning when Rachel did get up. Sarah wanted all the details and Rachel reluctantly gave them to her. They were sitting in the den talking and I was at the kitchen table eating breakfast. I could hear the entire conversation. 

"So how did it go last night?" asked Sarah? 

"It went fine. I had a good time. Marcus is nice."

"Just nice?" 

"Yeah, just nice. He's a lot of fun and he's really easy to talk to. He's bad for me, though." 

"Why is he bad for you?" asked Sarah. 

"He's bad for me because he can get me to do things I wouldn't ordinarily do."

"Oh, please tell!" Sarah exclaimed, suddenly excited. "Did you, uh, do the deed? Is it true what they say about black guys?"

"Oh for god's sake, Sarah! It was our first date. Do you really think I'd have sex with a total stranger on our first date?"

"Yes," Sarah giggled. 

"You know me entirely too well, little sister," I heard Rachel reply laughing. "And yeah, judging by my very limited experience, what they say about black men is definitely true."

Both girls laughed out loud at that. I tried to keep myself from choking on my cereal and waited for the conversation to continue. I didn't have to wait long. 

"So, tell me all about the date. Did he wine you and dine you?"

"Sure did. He was a complete gentleman the entire evening. He only did one thing that almost scared me away, but in the end, I just tried to put it past us and enjoy the evening anyway."

"What did he do?"

"He tried to get me to smoke marijuana. We had gone parking like a couple of kids in high school. We drove up to this scenic overlook in some national forest outside of town. He backed his truck up to the edge, we sat on the tailgate and shared a bottle of bourbon and then he pulled out a cigar, or what I thought was a cigar."

"A blunt," I heard Sarah say. 

"Yeah, he offered me some of his blunt, but I wouldn't take it."

"Not that blunt, anyway," Sarah winked at her sister playfully. "Why didn't you smoke it?"

"What do you mean, why not? Because it was a drug, Sarah. Oh, my god, you've tried it, haven't you?"

"No comment," I heard Sarah say. 

"Oh no, sister, you're not getting off that easy. You've smoked pot, haven't you? Jesus, sister, you really have been wild since you backslid, haven't you?"

"It's not that big of a deal, Rachel, really. If you have to know, I did try it once."

"Did you like it? I mean, what was it like?

"Oh, so you were tempted to smoke with Marcus, weren't you? Don't try to lie to me, big sister. I can tell when you're lying." Both girls just laughed and changed the subject. 

We had a party of sorts planned for that afternoon. We planned a short bike ride through the national forest with Tommy, Lizzie, Edward, Kelly, Janet and Edward, and then we would meet back up at our place and grill some steaks and drink some beer. Rachel called Marcus and she rode double with him, just as the other ladies were riding double with their husbands. After the ride, we settled in for some good food and good fun. The beer flowed rather freely and even Rachel seemed to be at ease walking around with a long neck in her hands. Around four o'clock, most of the company had left. Marcus said that he had to go run an errand for his daughter, but promised to come back later to pick Rachel up for anther ride. I settled down in the hammock and tried to take a nap. Sarah and Rachel were at the patio table chatting. 

I drifted in and out of sleep, but did catch bits and pieces of their girl talk. Not much of it interested me until I heard Sarah ask Rachel, "so, do you want to try it or not?" My ears immediately perked up. I didn't know what they were talking about, but I thought I had an idea. 

"I don't know, Sarah, that's a huge step, don't you think?"

"Well, let's see... you're wearing jeans, wearing makeup, wearing jewelry, you have an appointment to get your hair cut tomorrow, and you're fucking a black guy. So, uh, no, I don't think smoking a joint is really that big of a deal. Do you want to try it or not?"

"What will it do to me? I don't want to get addicted or anything."

"It's weed, Rachel, not crystal meth. You're not going to get addicted. I promise. So would you try it if you could?"

"Yeah, probably, if you did, but I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. Not even Marcus. But that doesn't matter because you don't have any." Rachel said, obviously nervous. Then she added, "Do you?"

"Maybe. Why don't you wait here while I go see if Jim really threw it out like I told him to?" 

I heard Sarah get up and go into the house. I had every intention of throwing the small wooden box of marijuana that Lizzie had given Sarah out like she had asked, but I never quite got around to it. It still sat in the back of my dresser drawer where I had put it the night Sarah tried it in our bedroom. I heard her come back outside a few minutes later. I heard her set the wooden box on the table. 

"What about Jim? I can't do this with Jim here." Rachel sounded nervous.

"He's asleep. He sleeps like a bear after he's had a few beers. He won't wake up, I promise." 

I tried to keep from smiling as I continue to feign sleep. I could hear Sarah getting out the makings. I knew that she had smoked both of the joints that Lizzie had given her so if they were going to smoke now, she was going to have to roll one herself. I cracked one eye and watched my wife roll a fatty for her sister. I felt that familiar bulge start in my jeans again. It was almost more than I could bear when I saw Sarah put the end of the joint in her mouth and light it. She inhaled deeply and held the smoke in for what seemed like a solid minute. When she exhaled, she coughed softly and smiled at her sister. She handed Rachel the joint. 

"What do I do?"

"Just do what I did. Inhale real deep and hold it as long as you can." Rachel did as instructed and immediately went into a coughing fit. 

Sarah giggled and took the joint back from her. Sarah took another hit and handed it back to Rachel. "Shhhh, you're going to wake Sleeping Beauty over there. Here, try it again. Don't try to take in so much this time." 

Still feigning sleep, I kept one eye open as much as I could and watched in amazement as these two sisters bonded over a joint. Something that was completely taboo and forbidden just a few months ago now seemed like second nature as they chatted, laughed and broke into hysterical giggles at the slightest thing. 

"How do you feel, big sister?" asked Sarah as she finished the roach of the joint. 

"Hmmm, I don't know how to describe it, but I think I'm high. I can't believe I let you get me stoned."

"I can't believe you let me do a lot of things I've talked you into this week. But I'm glad you did. I've had a lot of fun. I've missed you, sis."

"I've missed you, too, Sarah. Thank you for helping me this week. I knew when I came here that I was ready for something different in my life, but I was afraid to try it. Now I'm trying all kinds of shit and I'm not afraid of any of it." 

"Did you just say shit?" Sarah asked.

"Fucking right I said shit," Rachel said. They both broke into hysterical laughter again. 

"I'm fucking starving," Sarah said. "I've got the munchies, big time. Let's go find something to eat in the kitchen while we wait on Marcus to come back and give you another ride on his big black hog!" They broke into hysterical laughter again. When I heard the patio doors slide shut behind them, I grabbed my throbbing dick and squeezed. 




Backsliding Ch. 06



An hour or so later, I heard Marcus' bike rumble into the drive and a few minutes later, roar off again. I got up and walked into the house. Sarah was sitting at the table, finishing off a bag of Doritos. She looked up at me and grinned. 

"Well, did you enjoy the show?" 

"What are you talking about, Sarah?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Jim. I know you were awake the whole time I was smoking with Rachel. Why do you think I did it? Watching her get corrupted this week has kept you horny as a goat. The smoking part was just the finishing touch. I'm surprised you were able to contain yourself while we got wasted."

I knew I'd been busted. "It was hard, I must admit. You both really got high didn't you?"

"Yeah, we were stoned off our asses. I'm still a little high. Too bad you won't smoke with me. You'd love it as much as Rachel did, but I understand. So, it really does turn you on watching me corrupt her, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it does. I'm not sure why, but it does."

"It does me too. I never knew just how much I was enjoying it until I was watching her getting high. I knew it was wrong and I shouldn't be doing it, but at the same time, I was getting soaking wet down there. I don't know what's happened to me, I really don't. I really want to be good, but being bad makes me hot. This week I've discovered that helping someone else be bad makes me even hotter. Does that make me a bad person?"

"I hope not, Sarah, because if it does, then we're both going straight to hell."

"Well, at least we won't be lonely in hell. It looks like all of our family and friends will be there to keep us company."

I bent down to kiss her and her tongue met mine as our lips came together. I could taste the Doritos on her breath and smell the slightest hint of ganja in her hair. In a few minutes, Sarah broke off our making out session and looked at her watch. 

"Hey, it's only 7:30, Rachel's gone for the night and we're both off work tomorrow. Why don't we go get a bite to eat and then maybe catch a movie or something? I don't want to waste my buzz sitting here tonight."

"Sounds good to me," I said, getting up and walking toward the bedroom. "Let me change clothes."

We went to a decent restaurant and had a nice meal. We talked about a dozen non-important topics and laughed a lot. It felt like almost like the early dates we had back in Bible College, except back then she never had a margarita with her meal. When we finally got back to the pickup, I asked where we should go next. I expected her say "back home". Instead she surprised me. 

"Do you want to go to Charades?"

I was so surprised that I didn't answer for several seconds. "Charades? Is that the, uh, club we went to?" I said, acting like I barely remembered. Of course she knew I was faking it. I saw my wife get a lap dance for the first time in her life. I'd never forget Charades. 

"Yeah, it's the strip club. I don't feel like going home yet and I don't want to go to a movie. I'm too tired to go dancing. Charades was, um, interesting last time. We could just go and relax and have a few more drinks."

"Sounds good to me," I said, not pushing the issue. I knew this was a delicate subject and one wrong remark could have her changing her mind and me sleeping on the couch tonight. 

Charades was as active as it had been the week before. We walked into the dark; smoke filled bar and just stood there by the cashier after we paid our cover charge. I looked around at the room that was mostly filled with men sitting at the stage or off on the edge of the room talking to a dancer or getting a lap dance. I looked at Sarah as if to ask her where she wanted to sit and she motioned toward a small table really close to the stage. We walked over and sat down. 

I ordered us drinks and we sat there through several sets. Charades had the reputation of being the most upscale "Gentlemen's Club" in the region and the quality of their dancers was top notch. Several times I stole a glance at Sarah as she watched the girls perform. She had a look on her face as if she were looking for someone in particular. 

During the next set, two women came out together. One was announced as Heidi and I immediately recognized Stormi. Sarah recognized her, too. I saw the faintest of smiles cross her face and an expression of relief. The theme for this set, once again, was costumes. Heidi was rocking her Catholic school girl costume and Stormi was once again a debauched nun. This set was wildly erotic. Heidi was the bad little school girl that needed to be punished and Stormi was the head mistress more than willing to carry out the spanking. When the women began to remove their costumes, Heidi was wearing an amazingly sexy white lace corset and white stockings and Stormi was wearing bits and pieces of a PVC dominatrix outfit. The entire set involved a lot of BDSM undertones and plenty of ass play. It may well have been the most erotic thing I have ever witnessed. 

The scene wasn't lost on Sarah, either. About halfway through the set, without saying a single word, she simply got up and walked to the stage and sat down by the rail. I saw her reach in her jeans pocket and pull out a wad of bills. She sat one down on the stage and put her hands in her lap. Stormi looked at her and smiled a smile of recognition before reaching down and sliding the bill to the pile she had already collected. As they continued, Sarah worked up enough nerve to hold a bill up and let Heidi take it from her. Heidi caressed her hand as she did so. By this part of the set, both girls were both completely nude. Sarah pulled out yet another bill and started to hand it to Stormi. Stormi took the bill, but instead of laying it on the stage with her others, she folded this one lengthwise and very seductively shoved it between Sarah's breasts. 

I quickly moved over to the side of the stage and sat down where I could get a full view of what was unbelievably happening right before my eyes. Stormi, now on her hands and knees, left Heidi to tease the men while she zeroed in on my wife. Stormi slinked up to Sarah and softly started to rub her breasts in my wife's face. I could see that her pierced nipples were actually coming in contact with Sarah's cheeks. Stormi grabbed both of her mocha colored breasts in her hands and pressed them against the top of Sarah's chest, squeezing the bill between them. I just sat back and took it all in, a raging hard on threatening to erupt inside my jeans. I sat mesmerized as if in a trance. I saw how the black lights over the stage gave Sarah's blonde hair and white blouse a glowing purple tint. I saw how the glittering disco ball in the ceiling would turn and momentarily reflect off of Sarah's tiny nose stud or Stormi's nipple rings. I saw the oil glisten over every curve and crevasse of Stormi's toned and hard body. I saw it all and I didn't want it to end. 

But end it did. As the last beats of the techno song were blaring out of the speakers, and as Heidi was gathering up her own stack of bills, I noticed Stormi lean down and whisper something to Sarah. Sarah seemed to blush and smiled. What I saw next shocked me. I saw Stormi give Sarah a peck on the lips and run her hand along the side of Sarah's face before she got up to walk off stage, gathering her clothes and money as she went. 

I was back at our table before Sarah got back. I don't know if she saw my attempt at voyeurism so I didn't mention it. In fact, I didn't mention anything at all. I acted as if nothing had ever happened. I could tell Sarah was flushed and a bead of perspiration was glistening on her forehead. 

"Would you like another beer?" I asked her, trying to kill the awkwardness.

"No. I think I need something a little stronger. Would you mind ordering me a shot?"

I walked to the bar and ordered me another Bud and her a shot of tequila and a Corona chaser. When I got back to the table I saw Stormi and another dancer sitting down. Stormi and Sarah were chatting as if they were long lost friends. I spoke to Stormi and she introduced the other dancer to me as Miranda. Miranda was a very sexy young Latina with the most amazing mane of long black hair I had ever seen. I handed Sarah her shot and sat down. The stage was between sets, so things in the bar were relatively quiet. I sat there nursing my beer. Sarah looked totally at ease, sitting there having a conversation with a woman who takes her clothes off for a living as if it were the most natural thing in the world for a former Sunday school teacher to do. 

Sarah had done her shot and already drank half the chaser when the music for the next set finally started. When the music started, Stormi and Miranda stood up. I assumed they were about to go backstage and get ready for another routine, but instead, Stormi took Sarah by the hand and led her toward the stairway leading to the balcony. Sarah got up and accepted the hand without comment. I was too shocked to say a word. I had lit a cigar earlier and it was smoldering in my hand. I nearly dropped it on the carpet when Miranda reached down and grabbed my own hand, pulling me out of my seat. Without saying a word, she just followed Stormi and Sarah to the staircase. 

As we were climbing the stairs, Sarah just looked back and me and smiled. On the balcony, which overlooked the stage area, the private lap dance areas were set up. They mostly consisted of semi-circle booths of plush velvet. Not exactly private, but not like the couches down on the main floor where everyone could watch, either. Stormi brought Sarah to one of the crescent shaped booths and sat her down. I thought Miranda was going to take me to an adjoining booth, but instead, she sat me down beside my wife. The music piped through the small speakers behind each booth was almost hypnotic in its rhythmic beat. I know I was certainly mesmerized by my wildest fantasy being played out in front of me as these two beautiful strippers began to undress. 

My lap dance was amazing and Miranda, with her dark seductive eyes, had me raging in my jeans the entire time. About half way through the song, she reached down and unbuttoned my shirt, then slid down to my jeans. I remember arching my back when she unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned the fly of my jeans. She rubbed my dick through my pants and ran her long hair up and down my bare chest. When she turned around and sat on my lap with nothing between her pussy and my dick but my cotton boxers, I thought I was going to cum on myself like some junior high teenager. 

I stole a glance beside me at my wife. I caught her staring at me and smiling. She gave me an approving nod, then closed her eyes and arched her head back. I noticed that her own blouse was open and her bra had been unhooked. Sarah's pants were also open. Stormi was performing an almost identical lap dance on Sarah as Mirada was with me, but Stormi wasn't abiding by the no-touching rule. Her hands, breasts and ass were all over my wife. She had even taken Sarah's hands and placed them on her breasts as she sat facing away from Sarah, rubbing her ass in Sarah's crotch. I saw Sarah's hands slowly massage Stormi's breasts and flick playfully at her nipple rings. At one point, I swore I heard Sarah moan out loud. 

Just when I thought the set was over, the beat changed and so did the girls' lap dance routine. Now, without warning, the girls in unison, turned and began to face us, still sitting in our laps. They sat there with their knees pressing into the soft velvet cushion, wearing nothing but body jewelry, tattoos and stiletto heels. I forgot about Sarah as Miranda began to work her magic on me, moving her body to the beat in ways that I didn't think were possible. At one point, she took the half-burned cigar that I had forgotten I still held and put it between her lips. She inhaled deeply on the big Cuban stogie and blew smoke in my face. The cigar looked like a phalanx as she sucked it to life. I know I moaned out loud at that. I looked over and saw that now it was Sarah's turn to gawk. She was watching me intently as another woman nearly brought me to climax. 

On the ride home a half hour later, neither of us spoke a word. I didn't know what to say and I suppose that she didn't either. We had just crossed a line that we never even knew existed and we would never quite be the same. I knew I should feel guilty that I had let another woman arouse me, but I didn't. 

Back at home, I didn't know what to do. When we opened the door and went inside, Sarah immediately went straight to the bathroom without saying a word. I walked absent mindedly to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was 2 a.m., so I headed to the bedroom. I undressed and lay down, leaving the lamp on beside the bed. I heard Sarah leave the hall bathroom and walk to the kitchen. When I heard her come back, I saw her standing in the doorway to the bedroom and immediately I felt the raging hard-on return. 

Standing in front of me was the wildest wet dream of a woman that I ever imagined. Sarah had her short blonde hair teased out into a wild style, revealing the piercings in her ears. She had changed her makeup to something dark and mysterious, much thicker than what she normally wore. Around her neck was a PVC collar that connected to the PVC straps that crisscrossed her breasts and connected to a strap just under her rib cage. A black PVC g-string barely covered her mound. From her thighs down, she wore a pair of black leather stiletto boots. I realized immediately that Sarah was wearing the same costume that Stormi had worn on stage tonight in her routine with Heidi. 

Sarah didn't say a word as she walked toward me in the bed. Before she got to me, I quickly slid my underwear off and lay there in the nude. She looked at me and smiled. I expected her to climb in bed with me, but she didn't. Instead, she pulled me up and had me sit on the side of the bed. She knelt down beside me and started to give me the most amazing blow job I'd ever had. Just before I came in her mouth, she stopped and shoved me back down. She pulled off her thong, then climbed into the bed and straddled me. Reaching over to the nightstand, she opened the drawer and took out the box of Cuban cigars she had bought me in Miami. I knew she wanted me to smoke one for her, so I half turned to pick u a lighter, but she shoved me back down. Instead, she clipped the ends of the stogie and put it in her own mouth and lit it. She began to ride me up and down as I watched her smoke. It was amazingly erotic. 

Just as I was about to explode inside my wild, sexy wife, she pulled off of me and rolled over. She lay beside me and didn't say a word for what seemed like a long time. Finally, she spoke. 

"Was tonight good for you?" She asked quietly. 

"Is it over already? I didn't even get off," I started. She cut me off.

"Hush and just answer my question. Did you enjoy tonight?"

"Fucking right I did. It was amazing. I can't believe you did all of that..."

"Let's not talk about Charades right now. I mean, do you like it when I'm a bad girl? Does this turn you on?"

"You already know it does. Smoking that cigar was fucking hot!" I exclaimed. 

"Good. I knew you had that fantasy. I discovered it that time I found your porn stash on the computer. It was when I first discovered porn for myself. I've got my own fantasies now, you know," she said. 

"Like what?" 

"Well, most of them are private and I'm not ready for you to know yet. But I am ready for one." She rolled over and opened the drawer to her own nightstand. She took out the small brown bottle than she had brought back from Miami with the cigars. I immediately recognized it as amyl nitrate. She held up the bottle and looked at it, then glanced at me. "Do you know what this stuff was made for?"

"No, not really. I just know it gave me a killer high for about 30 seconds then made me extremely horny."

"Gay men use it to loosen up their ass muscles so they can have sex. It does make you high for a few minutes because the blood is rushing to your head, but the reason it makes you horny is because your blood vessels are expanding."

"Thank you, Nurse Sarah. Does this story have a plot?"

"Asshole," she muttered teasingly. "I think you know what the plot is. I want you to have anal sex with me."

"Oh hell no!" was my first reaction. "You are not sticking anything up my ass! I'm not gay."

She laughed. "I don't want to stick anything up your ass, so just relax. I want you to fuck me in my ass. Would you be willing to do that for me?" I kissed her passionately and began to take off her PVC dominatrix outfit. 

"I'd do anything for you, Sarah. Anything at all."

She unscrewed the cap on the bottle of amyl nitrate and held it to my nose. "Time to get you high first," she said. I inhaled deeply and settled back on the bed. She took the bottle from me. 

"My turn," she said and brought the bottle under her nose. She closed off her right nostril with her thumb and inhaled deeply like a pro. She allowed a couple of seconds for the rush to start, and then switched nostrils to maximize the high. She quickly screwed the cap back on, lying down beside me to enjoy the high. After a few minutes, I knew she was feeling the euphoria and I certainly was, so I began to rub her breasts. She moaned and turned her back to me, pushing her ass close to my dick. 

She opened her nightstand drawer and took out something and reached behind herself to hand it to me. I took it without looking at it. I held it up to the light and saw that it was a tube of lubricant. She obviously had been planning tonight for a long time, just waiting for the right moment or the right mood. Tonight, her stars had aligned. I opened the lube and handed it to her. She rolled back over and rubbed it on my throbbing Johnson. She smiled meekly, obviously a little nervous, and handed the tube back to me and rolled back over. I squeezed a little on my fingers and began to rub the crack of her ass, being careful to put some liberally around her asshole. She moaned softly as I did the work. I handed her the tube and she laid it on the table. She picked up the bottle of amyl again and half turned in the bed. She bent her head forward and inhaled deeply four time in quick succession. She moaned loudly this time as the high overtook her. She began to squirm up against my well-oiled member. 

"How do you feel?" I whispered in her ear.

"Mmmm. I feel so good," she whispered back. 

"How good?"

"Fucking good. I fucking feel good."

"Are you high?"

"Yesss, I feel good," she repeated. I heard her inhaling again. I bucked against her, no longer able to hold back. 

"Tell me what you want."

"I want you to fuck me."

"Say it again, baby. Talk dirty to me. Show me the badass bitch that you are now."

"Fuck me! Fuck me in my ass! Fuck my ass!"

So I did. I pulled her up to all fours in the middle of the bed and moved around behind her. I saw her reach for the lamp beside the bed, but I told her to leave the light on. She turned her head to look back at me, her short hair hanging loosely around her face. I grabbed both of her hips with my hands and stood up on my knees and pulled her ass toward me. I took my dick and began to rub it up and down her ass crack, from her pussy upward. Several times I dipped my well lubed cock into her pussy and each time she moaned. I guided the head of my throbbing dick to her asshole.

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. 

"Yes. Fuck me."

As I slid my dick slowing into her ass, I felt her sphincter muscle contract on my dick and she arched her back, her hair just barely brushing her shoulder blades. She screamed. I started to ask if she was okay, but before I could, she began to rock back and forth on my member. I got the hint and started to ram her more forcefully. 




Backsliding Ch. 06



Sarah had never been vocal during sex. She would moan occasionally, but she was never one to cry out my name, pray to god, or scream. But tonight she did all of those things. I had unleashed something inside of my wife that I didn't know existed. I suspect that Sarah didn't really know it existed inside of her, either. The harder I fucked her from behind, the wilder she got. She bucked, arched her back, screamed for me to fuck her harder and a dozen other things in rapid succession until I couldn't keep track of them all. 

I could tell by her moans and the counter-thrusts of her hips that she was nearing an orgasm. Finally, she arched her back and screamed to tell me she was coming. I thought for sure that she would wake the neighbors, but when I felt her sphincter muscle grab my cock like a claw, I let go and exploded inside of her. Wave after wave of pleasure erupted from my dick and I could feel something liquid running down my balls and then onto my thigh. I kept thrusting lightly as the orgasm subsided and her moans became less intense as her own waves of orgasm subsided. 

Slowly, I felt myself start to grow soft so I pulled out of her and rolled onto my back. She slid down on her stomach and lay beside me, her head on my shoulder and her hand playing with my nipples. Eventually she reached over and kissed me on the lips. 

"That was wonderful. Thank you, honey," She said. I kissed her back. 

We lay there together without saying a word for what seemed like forever. I eventually heard the front door open and glanced over at the clock. It was almost 4 a.m. 

"Rachel's home," I said. 

"Sounds like it. She must have had an interesting night as well."

"I bet it wasn't as good as ours," I said reaching over to turn off the lamp. Before I could, however, Sarah rolled over me and stopped my hand. 

"Leave it on," she whispered. She opened the box of Cubans still sitting on my nightstand and started to clip the ends. "I feel like an after sex smoke." 

She lit the stogie and inhaled deeply, blowing smoke rings toward the ceiling. I felt myself start to stiffen again and she noticed. I heard her chuckle. She handed me the cigar and reached down and grabbed my Johnson and started tugging him back to life. My balls ached, but my dick didn't seem to mind. It sprang to life. 

"Looks like somebody is ready for round two," she said playfully, rolling over on top of me and shoving my cigar in her mouth. "Let the games begin."



Backsliding Ch. 07



Time flies when you're having fun. Time must have been zipping by at breakneck speed for Sarah because she seemed to be having the time of her life. For me, time was beginning to slow to a crawl. I wondered if maybe my fun had run its course.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Sarah's latest escapade at Charades and the wild night of sex that followed. I think I'm still in shock over her decision to let me try anal sex on her, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. It still ranks up there as one of the hottest nights of passionate sex we ever had. I just wasn't expecting it at all and I knew deep down that the innocent girl I'd married would never in a million years agree to anal sex, much less ask for it. Maybe that's what was eating at me: I felt like I had lost Sarah and had gained someone else in her place. I guess you are saying that I asked for it and I deserve what I get and you're probably right, but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't shake this feeling of loss.

I sort of spent the next day at work just going through the motions. I was tired after having stayed up most of the night, but there was more to my lethargy than just a lack of sleep. Maybe what was bothering me was that for the first time in our marriage, Sarah was on a journey that didn't include me. I now knew how she must have felt when I first began my own transformation and I remembered her own depression and how she turned to her church for comfort. Trouble is I didn't have anywhere to turn. All I kept thinking about was that if Sarah had discovered on her own, through porn or whatever else, that she had these fantasies or fetishes or whatever the hell she called them, without me knowing, then what else was she doing that I didn't know about?

The feeling of dread that I felt that day must have been one-sided because I spoke to Sarah several times on the phone that day and she seemed perfectly fine. She spent the day with Rachel shopping and asked me to meet them after work for dinner.  

When I got to the restaurant, the first thing I noticed was that Rachel had gotten her waist length brown hair cut. It was still long by anyone's standards, reaching past her shoulder blades, but I knew it was the first haircut she had ever had in her life. The stylist at Sarah's shop had also added some auburn and blonde streaks to her already brown hair and it really looked good. I complimented my sister on her new look.

"Look what else she did," Sarah said smiling, and reaching across the table to hold up a strand of hair over Rachel's ear.

"You got your ears pierced? That's nice, Rachel. I'm proud of you for trying something new," I said, sitting down.

"It's definitely been a week of 'new experiences', that's for sure," Rachel said, looking at her sister and winking. Both girls broke into laughter at their inside joke. I just smiled uneasily, but I think Sarah noticed.

I sat quietly through the meal as the girls made small talk and joked about different experiences growing up. I could tell that for the first time in a very long time they were reconnecting and trying to repair their damaged relationship. I found it ironic that they were doing it through things that had been taboo for most of their lives, but then I remembered how close Sarah and I were to divorce ourselves when I backslid and then how close we became again after she did the same thing. I decided that I needed to put my foul mood behind me and lighten up a little.

The girls were enjoying a margarita with their meal, so I decided to order a beer and relax a little while they strolled down memory lane. Eventually the talk turned to Rachel's daughters and her separation from Mike. I decided to speak up.

"So, Rachel, what are the girls going to think about your makeover?" I asked.

"I've been thinking a lot about that," she said, sounding a little worried. "I don't know, to be honest. I know this divorce thing is so traumatic for them, and now when I go home and they see that I've made some changes, well..."

"Do you regret doing it?" I asked.

She thought on her answer for a moment. "No. No, I don't. It's something that's needed to happen for a long time. I've been so miserable and I didn't even know why. I hated the way I looked and I'm sure that's part of the reason why my marriage failed. There just wasn't any romance there anymore and a lot of that was my fault. But I do worry about the girls, though."

"Don't worry about the girls, sis," Sarah spoke up. "They'll be fine. At least this way, there won't be any tug of war between you and Mike on the little things. That should help the transition for them a little easier."

Rachel nodded her head in agreement and sipped her margarita. I could see her face was beginning to get a little flushed and I knew the alcohol was working on her. I thought back at just how different she was than just a few days ago when she first arrived. Sarah was more proficient at corrupting her sister than I would have given her credit for.

When the meal was over and we had finished our drinks, we decided to head back home. I thought that Rachel would probably be out with Marcus again later tonight, but that proved to not be the case. I commented on it to Rachel. She just looked at me and shrugged, then looked at her sister and grinned.

"Marcus is a lot of fun and I've got a date with him tomorrow night, but it's just a rebound thing. I'm leaving Sunday to go back to the real world. Marcus is here, I had a good time, he made a lasting impression, but it's not something I plan to pursue. Long distance relationships don't work anyway."

"I thought if you went black, you never went back," Sarah said, smiling at her sister playfully.

"Who said I went black?" said Rachel. "We had fun and we played around a little, but I didn't do anything to be ashamed of. I might be committing some minor sins right now, but I've still got my morals. I'm not a slut, Sarah."

"I know, Rach. I was just joking. Let's get out of here and go home and relax a little. I've got a brand new blender at home and a fresh bottle of rum," Sarah said, changing the subject.

I didn't see much of Sarah or Rachel for the rest of the week. Rachel had her date with Marcus the next night, but she spent most of her remaining time with her sister. Sarah and Rachel also spent a considerable amount of time that week going out. They came in late every night that week and I could smell the alcohol and cigarette smoke on Sarah when she would come stumbling in and climb into bed, usually with a good buzz and ready to fuck. I found that when she had been drinking, she had a tendency to want to act out her fantasies. Twice that week she asked me to have anal with her again and once she ever wore that PVC dominatrix thing she surprised me with. I guess I should have been a real man and kick her out of the bed since I'd felt so guilty, but the truth is, I was thinking with a different brain. The one eyed monster seemed to like the new Sarah.

It was the internal conflict that I was struggling with that led to the biggest fight of our marriage. Looking back now, I realize it was all pretty stupid, but that didn't stop me from putting my foot in my mouth. Rachel was due to drive home Sunday morning and Sarah wanted to have a girl's night out with her before she left. The whole deal was just innocent fun among girls, but for the first time in our marriage, Sarah stayed out almost all night. When I finally heard the sisters stumbling in at almost dawn, I lost my temper.

"Would you like to explain yourself, Sarah?" I asked. I could tell I wasn't doing a good job of masking my hurt and anger.

"There's nothing to explain, Jim. I told you that we were going out last night and you agreed. I don't know why you're angry."

I nearly exploded on that one. "Well let's see, Sarah. Is it because you went out last night and got hammered, then come in at dawn smelling like a liquor store? Why wouldn't I be upset? Where were you all night?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal, Jim, really. Rachel and I met Lizzie and Kelly for drinks at a restaurant, and then we decided to go to the club across town and dance a little. We ran into Janet and Jennifer Beachum there, so we decided to party a little more. We danced a little, maybe had a little too much to drink, then came home."

"You came straight home from the club with Lizzie?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?" she replied.

"Are you sure you're telling me everything? We've never had secrets..."

"Why do I fucking have to tell you everything, Jim? You're not my fucking father! I was safe last night and I'm home now. Let's just leave this well enough alone for now!"

I knew she was getting angry and that this couldn't possibly have a happy ending, but I was mad as hell as well and I wouldn't let the issue die. I started in on her again.

"I'm not fucking leaving anything alone, Sarah! Not until you tell me where the hell you were until dawn this morning. You owe me that much!"

"Owe you? What the fuck do I owe you? Should I feel grateful to you for getting all pissy over something trivial at church and turning my whole fucking world upside down when you left? Should I feel fucking grateful to you for leading me into a life of sin and degradation that I didn't know existed? Is that what I fucking owe you?"

"Hey, wait a minute..." I started.

"No, you wait a goddamned minute. I'm a grown-ass woman! For the first time in my pathetic little existence, I'm standing up for myself and doing what Sarah wants to do. If I want to drink and party, then by god, I'm fucking going to drink and party and I don't give a shit who knows about it or what they think! I've spent my entire life doing what other people expected me to do, but I'm done with that shit. I'm going to do what I want to do from now on! If you don't like it, then fuck you. Fuck you, Jim. Fuck you for introducing me to all of this, and fuck you for letting me like it! You fucking wanted this to happen, remember? Every time I started down that slippery slope, you'd get a fucking hard on, so don't fucking preach to me now, mother fucker."

She started to sob and stormed off to our bedroom. I was in shock at her outburst, but I didn't try to follow her. I looked up to see Rachel standing in the doorway, looking at me and shaking her head.

"That went well," she said, smiling weakly and walking towards the table where I was sitting. She sat down across from me and didn't say anything for several minutes.

"I'm an asshole," I said finally.

"Yeah," she answered, and then winked, "but you're an asshole that loves his wife. You had a right to be concerned, but you didn't have a right to be jealous. You can trust Sarah, Jim. You should know that."

"I want to, believe me I do, but she's changing so fast."

"Not as fast as you think, brother. She's like a bird that's been locked in a cage for its whole life. Now that she's free, she doesn't understand how to handle that freedom. She's hungry to experiment with the things she's always been denied. It'll run its course."

The voice of reason told me that Rachel was telling me the truth, but I was still angry. I knew I should go inside and apologize to Sarah, but my pride wouldn't allow it. Instead, I walked to the garage, fired up my bike and roared down the street.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, I thought as I rode around the area for the next two hours. I gradually calmed down and was thinking of turning around and heading home when I saw this little ice house on the outskirts of the suburbs. I saw several bikes and a few pickup trucks parked out front and a live band was setting up on an outdoor stage along the side of the building. I pulled in, killed the bike, and found a table near the makeshift stage. I was ordering my first beer when I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at the number. It was Sarah. The anger seeped back in again as I turned the phone completely off and put it back in my pocket. I was well into my fourth beer when the band started playing. I drank a lot that night. Probably more than I have ever drunk before. By the time the band quit at 1:00, I was hammered.

I don't remember much from that night, but I do remember someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around and was surprised to see Tommy and Lizzie standing there. I smiled and slurred, "What are you two doing here?"

"Looking for you, ass wipe," muttered Tommy, pulling me to my feet. "Give me your keys."

"Why do you need my keys? Did you forget your truck?" I asked like an idiot.

"No, I need your keys so your dumb ass doesn't try to drive home. Sarah's pissed, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want you dead."

I started to ask Tommy where Lizzie was, but I noticed that she was talking to a couple of bikers in the parking lot. They nodded and walked to Tommy's truck and unloaded an aluminum bike ramp from the bed. As Lizzie put me in the back seat and buckled me in, Tommy helped the guys load my bike and tie it down in his truck. I began to complain to Tommy about not wanting to go home to Sarah. I was embarrassed.

I heard Lizzie on the phone. "Yeah, we've got him. Yes, he's fine. Thank god for phone tracking. Okay, love you too, sweetie, and don't worry about it. The two of you will work this out. See you in a little bit, bye."

I don't remember Tommy and Lizzie bringing me home or Sarah putting me to bed. I guess I passed out on the ride home. Sarah let me sleep in the next morning, but when I did finally wake up around noon, I couldn't find a position to hold my head that didn't hurt.

"Well, I see you're back among the living," Sarah said when she walked in the bedroom to check on me.

"It doesn't feel much like living. I feel like shit," I mumbled. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

"You look like shit, too, but I know exactly how you feel. Don't worry, Kelly came by this morning to see Rachel off and she fixed you up an anti-hangover concoction. She said it's guaranteed to either cure you or kill you. Right now, either option would probably be better than what you've got."

"Rachel left already?" I asked, trying to shake the cobwebs from my throbbing skull.

"Yeah, she's gone. She left this morning about ten. She's anxious to get home and see her girls."

"I'm glad she got to spend some time with you," I said.

"I'm glad she did, too. She made a lot of changes this week, some good, some not so good, but I think it'll work out for her in the long run."

"Do you think she'll go wild like..." I caught myself before I said something I'd regret later, but Sarah caught it anyway.

"Go wild like me? No, not Rachel. She'll experiment a little, I'm sure, but she's not me if that's what you're thinking."

"Look, Sarah, about this weekend..."

She put her fingers on my lips and shook her head. "Let's not worry about that right now. Maybe we can discuss it later after you've tried Kelly's Magic Potion. If you're still alive by then," she said playfully.

Kelly must have had plenty of experience in the hangover department because the concoction Sarah brought me worked. It tasted like monkey shit, but in less than an hour most of the throbbing in my head had become a dull ache and my stomach was no longer doing flips. I got out of bed, stumbled through a shower and put on some shorts and a t-shirt. I found Sarah on the sofa watching TV and drinking a glass of iced tea.

"What, no beer drinking today?" I asked sarcastically.

"Hell no. I think we've both had our quota for the weekend, don't you?"

"What's happening to us, Sarah? This isn't who we are."

"Yes, Jim, it is who we are. It just isn't who we were. It is who we've become. Right or wrong, we asked for it. Whether we care to admit it to ourselves or not, this is our new reality."

"The question is where do we go from here?"

"Vegas," she said, smiling.

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember that hair show I told you about on the way home from Charades that first time? Well, Robert booked some of the girls and he offered to let me tag along, sort of as a working vacation. I told him I'd go, but I'd rather you went with me this time."

"I remember what happened the last time you went off with your co-workers to one of these so-called 'working vacations'. You came back a wild woman!"

Sarah just laughed and laid her hand on my crotch. She stroked my manhood through the think fabric of the gym shorts I was wearing.

"I don't remember you complaining the night I got home from Florida," she said playfully.

"We've come a long way since that night, haven't we?" I asked, becoming serious again.

"Yes we have. Do you regret it?"

"No. I have to admit that you kept me on my toes with all of the changes you made. I never knew what you were going to come home with next."

"Which change did you like the most?" she asked.

"All of them," I said, running my fingers through her hair and brushing the small butterfly tattoo on her nape. Then I touched the tiny stud on her left nostril. "Especially these," I said.

"I thought so. I actually soaked my panties when I got my first tattoo. The same thing happened when I got my nose pierced, but none of them compared to my haircut. I think I actually came on that one."

"Are you serious, why?" I asked.

"I don't know, probably because those things were so taboo in church. I think the hair thing might be different. I think I have a hair fetish."

"You're joking, right? Hair turns you on?" I raised up my arm and grabbed her head and shoved it playfully toward my armpit. "Here, let me help you get off!"

"Yuck!" she said playfully, pulling her head back and slapping me on the arm. "That's not the kind of fetish I'm talking about asshole! Besides, I don't think 'fetish' is the right word. I just find changing my hair wildly erotic. Am I weird?"

"No weirder than me wanting to watch you have sex with another woman," I replied quietly.

"You're still hung up on that, aren't you?"

"Absolutely, I almost thought I was going to finally get my wish at Charades the other night."

"Maybe if I had been drinking more you would have. I don't know what came over me. I swear that I never intended for any of that to happen, but when it did, I just went with it. Did that weird you out or anything?"

"You know it didn't," I said.

"What about the sex afterwards? Did that weird you out?"

"Well, it was a surprise, if that's what you're asking. I never expected you'd want to do that," I said.

"Me either. I'd read about it online and it seemed kind of kinky, but I never really thought about doing it. Then I got all worked up at Charades, so I said 'what the fuck' and decided to go for it. When we did, something just clicked and I realized that I actually liked it."

"And what about that PVC dominatrix outfit thingy?" I asked.

"Oh, that? That was all you, big boy. You know, you really ought to delete your history after you surf the web for porn pics. Now I know all of your naughty secrets," she laughed.

She was still absent mindedly rubbing my dick through my shorts. I ran my hand up her t-shirt and flicked playfully at her belly button ring, then slid my hand under her bra. I looked down at her and smiled.

"How about we head to the bedroom and see what other forbidden pleasures we can discover?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

***

Two weeks later I was alone on a flight to Las Vegas. Sarah had flown in three days earlier for the hair show with the crew from work. As marketing director, Sarah was tasked with several logistical issues for the company, but the hair show was in its final day when I landed. The room had been booked through the weekend and the week was all ours.

I had called Sarah the night before and told her what time my flight was coming in. She promised me that she'd be at the airport on time to give me a ride to the hotel. When I walked down the terminal ramp, I didn't immediately notice Sarah standing in the crowd waving at me. She looked radiant, but different. Her shoulder length hair was gone, replaced by the shortest, brightest white pixie cut I'd ever seen. She looked like a different woman; sexy as hell, but different. Remembering our recent conversation about her hair fetish, I suspected that this might be an interesting trip after all.




Backsliding Ch. 07



"Did you miss me?" She asked, smiling and grabbing my hand as we walked toward baggage claim.

"Of course I did," I replied.

We chatted about non-essentials as I waited for the buzzer that would indicate that my baggage was on the ramp. After I collected my two bags, I asked Sarah if she had kept the meter running on the cab. She just laughed as she led me outside to a waiting limo.

"Is this for us?" I stammered as a tall middle aged man in a black suit walked around and opened our door and took my luggage to the trunk.

"Your carriage awaits, sir," Sarah said as she motioned for me to get in. She climbed in behind me and sat down across from me. Against one side of the car was a small wet bar and a bottle of champagne sitting in an ice bucket.

"Wow, this is nice," I commented.

"Wait until you see our suite," she replied. "Mr. Parker said it was a 'bonus' because sales have doubled since I got hired. I also got that raise I was hoping for."

"That's amazing, honey," I replied, reaching for the bottle of champagne. "This calls for a celebration, or is it too early for us to start drinking?"

"This is Vegas, Jim. There are no clocks here."

I sat transfixed as I looked through the darkened windows of the limo at the sights of Las Vegas. Although it was still early morning, the streets on the strip were already packed with people. I was amazed at the hotels that stood in contrast to each other as well. Medieval castles, pyramids, and skyscrapers dotted the scene. When we rolled into the front of our hotel, I was no less amazed. It was one of the newest hotels on the strip and it didn't lack in visual appeal or luxury.

Our suite was just as nice. It wasn't the honeymoon or penthouse suite, but it wasn't a Motel 6, either. The rooms were spacious and it even had a gas fireplace and a balcony with a Jacuzzi that butted up against a plate glass railing. I was in heaven.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked after I'd unpacked and settled down in a leather chair.

She hugged me close and playfully squeezed my cock. "We're in Vegas with a kick ass hotel suite, a wet bar and a balcony Jacuzzi. What do you want to do now?"

"Stupid question, huh?" I asked sheepishly.

"Extremely," she replied playfully.

"Then I think we'll go downstairs and get some lunch and I'll try out the casinos while you help the girls pack the exhibit stuff this afternoon. How does that sound?"

"That sounds like a plan. I'll eat lunch with you and then I'll head over to the exhibit hall. It's technically part of this hotel, so I can just walk there."

After a nice lunch, I kissed Sarah goodbye and watched her walk down the connecting hallway to the exhibit hall. I turned and went into the casino. Gambling, like just about everything else I was coming to enjoy, had been taboo in my church days. Now, I as I sat at the slot machines drinking a rum and Coke, I still didn't understand why. For the better part of the next four hours I just sat and gambled and drank. I even managed to win a couple hundred bucks. By this time I had a good buzz and started to feel like a high roller. I was headed to the roulette wheel when my cell phone buzzed. It was Sarah.

"Susan is here to take over and she said I could leave a little early if I wanted. Why don't you go get dressed in something nice? I'll meet you in the lobby in an hour and a half."

Two hours later I was sitting in the lobby of the hotel. I smelled Sarah's perfume before I saw her. I looked up to see her smiling. She looked like a goddess. She was wearing the most amazing black dress I had ever seen. The dress crossed her breasts, barely covering them, and converged again just above her belly button. The tight dress reached to the top of her thighs and it was completely backless. She twirled on her six inch stiletto heels as I whistled. The stark whiteness of hair new hair color contrasted amazingly with the blackness of her dress and her deep desert tan. When she twirled, I could easily see the brilliant colors of her butterfly tattoo on the back of her neck. The tribal swirls on her lower back peeked out enticingly over the back of her dress.

"You like?" She asked, smiling.

"I like," I replied.

She took me by the arm and we walked out the front of the hotel and up to the limo we'd ridden over in earlier. We climbed in and Sarah told the driver where we had reservations.

Two hours later, we were finishing an exquisite meal at one of the nicest French restaurants in the city. We had also killed most of a bottle of wine and neither of us was feeling any pain at this point. I asked her what was next.

"I'd planned to meet the girls at a club later if that's alright with you, but before we go, I'm giving you the ground rules."

"What ground rules?" I asked with some confusion in my voice.

"We're in Sin City and we're going to enjoy it. No arguing, no fights, no inhibitions, just fun. Whatever happens happens. We go with the flow and live for the moment. Deal?"

"Deal," I replied, swallowing hard.

"Good, now I need a real drink. Let's go sit at the bar."

We met the girls at a very trendy upscale club just a few blocks from our hotel. Tonight was only Tuesday and the place was packed. The girls were well on their way to getting shit-faced by the time we arrived. When they saw Sarah walk in, they immediately grabbed her and brought us to their table. Most of the girls I recognized from the Salon where Sarah had her office, but a couple of the girls were from other salons that Parker owned across town.

Once we settled in, the party really started kicking. The girls were doing shots of tequila and pretty soon they were offering Sarah shots. She refused at first. One of the girls from another salon spoke up.

"What's the matter with her?" she asked Sarah's friend Clarissa. "Is this the holy roller you were telling me about?"

The girls just got quiet and I could see a quick flash of rage cross Sarah's face. She was a sweet thing, but she also had a temper and I could see it building. Clarissa saw it, too, and tried to shut up the other girl, who I later found out was called Sami.

"Oh, Sarah's cool. She just doesn't drink that much," Clarissa said. Sami wouldn't be deterred. She pushed a shot of tequila in front of Sarah as if to taunt her.

"What's the matter, Sister Christian, are you too good to drink with us?" Sami taunted.

"I am drinking, Sami, see?" said Sarah, holding up her cocktail and taking a sip.

"That's not drinking, Sister Girl. I think you're just scared."

"Why would I be scared?" Sarah questioned, her anger coming to the surface again. "I can drink your ass under the table any day of the week."

"Ooohhhh," smirked Sami. "Looks like I touched a nerve with Mother Superior here," she said, then the smile left her face. She shoved the shot glass and the shaker of salt toward Sarah. "Why don't you fucking prove it?"

Clarissa and I both reached for Sarah's arm at the same time. "You don't have to do this," we both said in unison.

"Fuck her," she muttered and grabbed the glass. She grabbed a lime, salted her hand, then licked them both and threw back the shot of premium tequila. I slid her my Budweiser and she chased the shot. She chugged the rest of my beer and sat it on the table forcefully. The other girls cheered.

Sami seemed impressed and actually managed a smile before she raised her hand and signaled the waitress. "Time for round two," she said wickedly.

I sat at the table for the next half hour watching this little competition go on between Sami and Sarah. I'd long since lost track of how many shots the girls had, but in a sadistic kind of way, I was proud of my wife. For a girl who had never touched alcohol in her life a year ago, she was holding her own tonight. I remembered that night so many months ago when I had coaxed her into sipping a glass of champagne and she got buzzed off of that. I chuckled to myself when I thought of the old cigarette ad

"You've come a long way, baby."

"Huh?" Sarah said, leaning toward me. I could smell the liquor on her breath.

"Nothing, babe, just thinking out loud."

"You think too fucking much," she slurred, obviously getting pretty tipsy by now. "Let's dance!"

Techno music wasn't my scene, but I obliged my wife anyway and someone found a way to enjoy myself. We danced for what seemed like hours, and then she finally said she was tired and led me back to the table. Before we got back, however, Clarissa walked up and grabbed me by the hand and told Sarah she was stealing her man. Sarah just laughed and said "bring him back before he turns into a pumpkin" and walked back to the table.

The techno DJ finally switched to some more easy listening type music just as I was ready to finally escape the dance floor for good. Just as I was walking away, a slow song came on and Clarissa grabbed me by my arm again and pulled me back onto the floor. I held her and danced. She stood on her tiptoes and gestured toward the table with her chin.

"I guess the war's over," she said.

"Looks that way," I said, looking at Sarah and Sami in deep conversation. "What's her story, anyway? She sure acted like she had it out for Sarah."

"Yeah, she's pretty anti-religious and likes to ruffle people's feathers. Somebody said she's a preacher's daughter or something and she got shunned when she rebelled. Probably Amish or Mormon or some shit like that," Clarissa said, laughing at her own joke.

"She didn't have to take it out on my wife," I said, kind of defensively.

"Oh, she didn't mean anything by it. She was just feeling her out. But Sarah ought to watch out though; Sami might have an ulterior motive. "

"What do you mean," I asked, but I thought I already knew what Clarissa was getting at.

"She swings both ways," she said. "Sarah is my friend and I don't know if she's been out in the world long enough to know a predator when she sees one. Keep an eye on your wife, Jim. Sami is a nice girl, she really is, once you get to know her, but I've got this hunch she's attracted to Sarah."

With that, the song ended and Clarissa took me by the hand and led me back to the table. I just sat there nursing my beer and thinking on what Clarissa had told me. Several times I caught myself stealing glances at Sami. She was an absolute knockout with her long dark tresses and crystal blue eyes that rivaled even Sara's. I wasn't able to see that she was looking at my wife any differently than anyone else. Maybe Clarissa had just had too much to drink and was exaggerating.

As the night wore on, most of the girls began to hook up with guys in the bar. All of the girls had husbands and girlfriends at home waiting on them, but this was Vegas. As more and more guys started to hang out at our table, I took that as a sign that it was time to go.

I finally managed to pull her away from her friends in the early morning. We had never partied so long in our lives. We were both pretty drunk. When we got back to our hotel room, I suggested we turn on the Jacuzzi and sit in it for awhile to sober up before we went to bed. There's nothing worse than a spinning bed in an unfamiliar room. Besides, the view of the millions of city lights in the city that never sleeps was enough to put anyone in the mood, especially a girl who was already drunk and horny. I predicted that it was going to be a good morning.

I went to the bathroom to put on my swim trunks and brush my teeth. When I walked out on the balcony, Sarah was already in the Jacuzzi, as nude as the day she was born. She had her head laid back and her eyes closed. Her arms were free floating beside her and one thumb was softly rubbing one of her nipples. She opened one eye, noticed my hard-on and smiled.

"Looks like somebody is glad to see me," she said, playfully. "Take that shit off and get in here."

"Sarah, this isn't the penthouse suite. People in other rooms can see us. I'm not standing here naked."

"Fuck them," she slurred again. "This is fucking Las Vegas."

I dropped my shorts and slid into the hot water. I admit that it felt a little wicked knowing that somebody may have seen me sitting nude in a tub with a beautiful blonde. I leaned over and kissed Sarah on her lips. She opened her mouth slightly and slid her tongue out to meet mine. We kissed passionately for several minutes as my hands ran up and down her beautiful breasts. Our groping got more and more aggressive.

"Let's go to bed," I whispered. "I want to fuck you."

"No," she whispered back, "I want you to fuck me right here."

"What if someone sees us doing it?"

"Good, I hope they do. I want them to see me fucking my husband on his birthday."

I had lost track of the time and just realized that it was the early morning hours of my birthday. I couldn't think of a better present as Sarah moved over to straddle my lap, her ample breasts rubbing against my chest in the swirling water.

"I love you," I said, nibbling on her neck.

"Happy birthday," she whispered as she reached down and guided me inside of her. We were still making love when I saw the first rays of desert sunlight start to break over the eastern horizon.

***

I swear I don't know how she could do it. We had spent all night drinking, dancing and making love, and now here she was at 8 o'clock in the morning ordering room service and getting dressed to go to see her girlfriends off at the airport. All I wanted to do was sleep.

I don't know how long I slept, but it must have been around noon when Sarah walked into the bedroom and opened the blinds. The bright sunlight blinded me and nearly gave me a headache.

"Time to get up birthday boy," she said playfully. "We've only got a few precious hours until your birthday is over. You can't sleep it all way. It's time to let our hair down. Or you can let your hair down. I don't have much left to let down," she giggled, brushing her hand through her bleached pixie.

"I love you hair," I said.

"Do you? I know I promised to grow it out, but this is Vegas and you know I've got this thing about my hair and... Anyway, Sami did a great job."

"Sami, the rude bitch from last night? She cut your hair?"

"Yeah, that's her, but I didn't really know here then. I just volunteered to be a hair model and she happened to be the stylist. She's really not that bad once you get to know her."

"That's what Clarissa said," I said, debating whether or not I should mention what else Clarissa said. I decided against it.

"Did you know her dad was a Pentecostal preacher? How ironic is that? By the way, she's meeting us later."

"I thought everyone went home?"

"Nope, not Sami. She's staying here with some friends for a few more days."

Sarah wasn't joking about my birthday being fun. I'd already had great birthday sex before the day had even really begun, but now Sarah was indulging my every whim. We had a great lunch, went to the casino and lost some money, hopped in the limo and went to see the sights of town. Sarah wanted to take me shopping, so I let her. I wasn't much on shopping, but I enjoyed walking downtown with this super trendy hot chick on my arm.

After buying a new suit of clothes that Sarah assured me was the latest in fashion, I pulled her into an upscale tobacco shop. This shop was expensive, but the selection of fine cigars was great. The shop even had a small smoking section where customers could sample the wares before they bought. I picked out a couple of nice exotic smelling cigars and headed to a table. I sat down at the table and lit one. I inhaled the fragrant smoke, but nearly choked on my exhale when I saw Sarah lighting the other. She just winked at me and smiled. We smoked in silence. When I was ready to leave, she pulled her credit card from her purse and walked to the counter.

"I'll take a box of these," she said, indicating the cigar I'd smoked.

"I'll take these, too," she said, picking up a four pack of small black Jamaican cigarillos, "and a pack of Marlboro Light 100s in the box."

When we got back in the limo, Sarah opened the box of cigars, clipped the end put it in her lips and lit it for me. She puffed on it several times until it lit, then handed me the smoking stogie and said "Happy Birthday". Sarah busied herself at the bar and fixed us both a stiff drink.

"Is it a little early to start drinking?" I asked. She shook her head.

"This is Vegas. It's never too early to start drinking. Besides, it's your birthday and we're going to do it up right. We can sober up when we get home. Now drink up."

As I nursed my drink, Sarah finished hers and fixed another. She turned up the stereo and started moving to the beat. I could see that the alcohol was already loosening her up. She opened the bag from the tobacco shop and pulled out the pack of cigarettes and lit one.

"When did you start smoking?" I asked.

She smiled wickedly. "I guess this is one of those 'secrets' you were worried about. I like to smoke a cigarette occasionally when I drink, but this week I've been smoking more than normal. I'm starting to like it," she confided.

I just nodded and took another sip of my drink. She knew I didn't approve of her smoking, but what could I do? She'd already made it plain that she was going to do what she wanted.

We drove around town, took in a couple of matinee stage shows, and continued to drink. Eventually we made it back to our hotel. It was late afternoon by now and Sarah had me call and order room service while she changed into her swimsuit and walked out to the Jacuzzi. I fixed each of us a fresh drink and brought our lunch out to the deck. After we ate, we sat in the warm water and let the jets flow around us. It was amazingly relaxing and romantic as the sun started to set and the lights of Vegas came on.

We nursed our drinks until the night sky was obliterated by the lights of Sin City. I heard a knock at the door and wondered out loud who it could be. Sarah didn't reply, so I wrapped a towel around me and walked to the door. I was surprised to see Sami standing there looking stunning in the shortest, tightest mini-dress I had ever seen.

"Is Sarah here?" she asked as I invited her in.

"Sami!" I heard Sarah say from behind me before I could respond. "I expected you earlier."

"It wasn't dark yet. You know all the freaks come out at night," she said playfully, then she noticed Sarah's black bikini. "Damn, girl, you're smoking hot! I bet you didn't wear that shit to Sunday school!"

Sarah just laughed and blushed. I thought I was picking up the vibes of flirtation, but I shook it off and tried to ignore it. Clarissa was drunk last night and probably talking out of her head. Sami was probably just what she seemed on the outside.

"Would you like a drink?" I asked, deciding to be a good host.

"No thanks," she replied. "I'm in the mood for something, uh, different. Sarah, did you pick up our 'supplies'?" she asked.

Sarah nodded in agreement, gave her a huge smile and a sly wink, and then trotted off to the bedroom, still dripping from the Jacuzzi. In short order, Sarah was back with the package of cigarillos from the tobacco shop. I had been curious when Sarah bought the small cigars, now I was beginning to get the picture. I could feel my dick start to tighten in anticipation.

"Here," Sarah said, handing the cigarillos to her friend, "the girl at the shop said they were Jamaican."

"How ironic," winked Sami, "so is this," she said, pulling out a large baggie of what was obviously weed. Both girls laughed hysterically at the inside joke. "Now sit down and I'll show you how to make a proper blunt. You won't get any of that ghetto shit here, sister."

Sami sat down at the table and began to cut open the cigarillos and explain each detail as if she were teaching a class of fifth graders. Sarah hung on every word as if she were going to be quizzed later for a grade. I just sat back, lit another stogie, opened a beer and watched. I felt like I was on a runaway train. I may as well sit back and enjoy the ride all the way to the scene of the crash.




Backsliding Ch. 07



"Viola!" said Sami as she finished all four blunts. "This is some primo shit, sister girl. Are you ready to get baked?"

Sarah just nodded her head and smiled. Sami smiled back and sparked the blunt, inhaling deeply like a pro. She held the pungent smoke in for what seemed like minutes, and then let it out slowly, blowing it toward Sarah. I saw Sarah reach for the blunt, but Sami shook her head.

"Not so fast, sister. We're going to get you properly baked and we're going to do it my way."

Sarah just looked confused as Sami inhaled another huge hit and then leaned in toward Sarah. I instantly knew what was coming and I felt my already stiffening member spring to attention. My god, was Sami about to give Sarah a shotgun? Sarah must have anticipated what was coming because I saw her shudder slightly and then lean in to meet Sami's lips. Sami softly blew the smoke from her lungs into my wife's mouth. I saw Sarah's chest expand as she inhaled the marijuana into her own lungs and held it there. She softly let it out, then sat back on the sofa and waited for the high.

In only a few minutes, I saw a smile spread across Sarah's face and she relaxed in the sofa. "Ummm, that's good shit," she said dreamily.

Sami took another drag on her blunt and brought her lips to Sarah's again. Sarah was waiting for her this time and softly grabbed the back of Sami's neck and brought her face to hers. She eagerly accepted the smoke from her friend. After she exhaled this time, I swear I could see Sarah's eyes begin to glaze over. Sami must not have been lying about the potency of the weed.

The girls sat there sharing the blunt for several minutes until it was gone. Sami crushed the tip out in an ashtray that I had been using to smoke my cigar. She looked over at my wife who was obviously feeling no pain.

"How do you feel now, Sarah?" she asked.

"Fucked up," Sarah giggled. "That's some dank shit. I'm too fucking stoned."

Sami got up and walked to the kitchen table and retrieved two more blunts. She walked back to the sofa and offered one to Sarah.

"There's no such thing as 'too stoned', you light weight" she said as she lit her own blunt and handed the lighter to Sarah. Sarah lit hers without hesitation.

In the meantime I didn't know what to do. The girls were enjoying their pot as if I weren't even there. I admit that I was a little annoyed. It was my birthday, after all, and I had expected a quiet romantic evening at home with my wife. I was pondering my misfortune when I saw Sarah stand up unexpectedly and walk to my recliner and sit on my lap, the blunt still in her hand. She sat in my lap with my hard-on pressing against her almost bare bikini-clad bottom. She wiggled her ass seductively and sat sideways in my lap.

Without saying a word, she took a huge drag off of her blunt and inhaled deeply. I started to complain about the smell and about someone calling security, but as I opened my mouth to do so, Sarah pressed her lips to mine and blew in the smoke. She pushed my jaw shut and put her fingers over my lips. I wanted to protest, to spit, to sputter, whatever it took to get rid of the pungent smoke, but all I did was inhale the shit deep into my lungs.

"Now hold it," she whispered.

I did what she asked, then exhaled slowly when it felt like my lungs were going to explode. I didn't feel anything at first and started to protest.

"Sarah! You fucking know I can't be smoking that shit! What if I have to drug test at work next week? I can't lose my job over a fucking..."

She didn't let me finish. Instead, she inhaled again and gave me another shotgun. This time, when I inhaled and held it, time seemed to stand still. I looked at my wife, still sitting in my lap with a burning blunt between her fingers and a stoned smile on her lips. I looked over at Sami who was smiling as well. The girls started to giggle.

"You can exhale now, silly," said Sarah.

I realized that I had forgotten to exhale. I found that amazingly funny and started to chuckle as the smoke escaped from my lungs. I sat back in the chair and felt a tingling sensation began to spread slowly up my arms and legs. My head suddenly felt like it was made of clay and my mind became foggy. It felt as if my body was going numb and with it, so were my worries and fears. Suddenly, I didn't give a shit about work or a drug test or whether or not my relationship with Sarah was headed in the wrong direction. I didn't care about anything at all and it felt amazing. This time when Sarah handed me the blunt, I took it on my own and inhaled. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was high for the first time in my life. I laughed out loud as I handed Sarah the half-smoked blunt.

"What's so fucking funny?" she asked.

"Nothing. Everything. Damn if I know. I think I'm stoned," I said, still chuckling.

"I fucking know I am. How do you like it?" she asked coyly, taking yet another hit.

"I like it. I'm surprised," I said, my voice sounding like it was in a barrel.

"Well, I'm all about surprises tonight, so hang on cowboy. It's going to be a hell of a ride!"

Later, the two girls decided we needed to go bar hopping. I was in no shape to argue, so I just went with whatever they suggested. It turned into the quintessential Las Vegas night. We had a limo with the music blaring, the moon roof open and both girls hanging outside drinking and yelling at pedestrians on the street. We were all still pretty high and the drinks kept flowing. I didn't have a care in the world and I was enjoying everything the girls did. At one point, the girls even flashed their tits at some college kids. They fell back inside the car, laughing hysterically, their tits still hanging out. I noticed that Sami's nipples were pierced. Sarah noticed them too, and nudged me to look at them as Sami was pulling the top of her dress back up.

Both girls were obviously wasted. I was tired and ready to head home, but the girls were showing no signs of slowing down. I'd never seen Sarah so wild and uninhibited. I laughed at myself for being so down on her for this kind of behavior just a few days ago. Now I was reveling in it. When Sami pulled the final blunt out of her purse and sparked it, I actually cheered the girls on. When they passed it to me, I took a half-heated drag and handed it back. They didn't seem to notice and finished off the blunt.

Until this point, I was thinking that Clarissa was obviously drunk last night and had the deal all wrong about Sami. Then I saw Sami reach out and put her hand on Sarah's thigh. I red light started flashing in my brain. I saw Sarah glance at me, but she didn't make an effort to move her friend's hand. Sarah was drunk and stoned, but I knew she was coherent enough to know what was happening. She was becoming a willing participant.

When Sami began to rub Sarah's thigh, Sarah actually moaned and leaned in toward her. Sami looked over at me and smiled. Sarah closed her eyes and laid her head back on the seat. I decided to ruin the moment before things got out of hand. I knew this was my wildest fantasy, but I wasn't sure I could handle it.

"So what's next, ladies? Do you want to go to that club from last night?" I asked.

"Fuck no," muttered Sarah without moving, "I'm too fucked up to dance anymore. I want to go home."

"Sounds good to me," I said. "Sami, can we drop you off at your hotel?"

"Sami's coming home with us," Sarah slurred. "We're going back to the Jacuzzi and party some more!"

When we got back to the room, Sarah stumbled into our bedroom and changed into her black thong bikini. Sami stripped down to her bra and panties. Sarah knew the black thong bikini was my favorite, and she winked at me as they trotted off to the Jacuzzi while I brought more drinks.

The Jacuzzi was built for two people, not three, but I didn't say anything as I sat down in a chair and enjoyed the girls' conversation. I turned on the stereo and let some music seep into the balcony. I was sitting across from the girls, not saying a word, when I saw the unexpected.

Sami had gotten up unexpectedly and trotted into the kitchen. When she returned, she was holding a small engraved metal pill box in her hand. As she slid back into the tub, I saw her place a small white pill on the tip of her tongue. I saw her slide over to face Sarah. Without saying a word, Sami kissed my wife on her lips, slowly and passionately. Instead of pulling away, Sarah opened her mouth allowed Sami to slide her tongue in between her lips. I could literally see their tongues meet and I saw Sami pass the pill off to Sarah. Sarah swallowed.

The girls just sat there listening to the music and enjoying the jets of water for several minutes while I fought a raging hard-on. The whole scene was surreal. Did my wife just let another woman kiss her and give her ecstasy? Was this really happening? I must really be drunk, I thought to myself, but I knew I wasn't. Especially later when I saw Sarah's pupils begin to dilate and a smile cross her lips. She slid around and sat in Sami's lap and laid her head back on Sami's shoulder, smiling dreamily.

"Hmmm, I feel...hmmm...oh my god! I've never felt anything like this in my fucking life. Oh Jesus, I feel fucking amazing. What the fuck did you do to me?" she muttered softly, still smiling dreamily with a stoned look on her face.

"It's just ecstasy," smiled Sami. "I thought you might like it. Do you?"

"Oh fuck yeah. I love it, but I don't want to do it alone."

Before I could react, Sarah was handing me a pill. I probably should have thought it through, but I was thinking with my dick again. I was willing to do anything either woman suggested at that point. I took the pill and chased it with a bottle of water without any protest or second thought. I sat there for the next twenty or thirty minutes without anything happening. I was wondering if the pill was real when I started to feel my own heartbeat.

Then, very gently, the euphoria began to sweep over me in soft waves. I had never been so satisfied or happy in my life. I could feel my skin come alive. I could actually taste the breeze and smell the water in the Jacuzzi. I looked down at my wife, who was looking up at me. She had seen the wave of intoxication hit me and she smiled. I looked into the water and could see that Sami was rubbing Sarah's clit through the swimsuit under the water. Sarah didn't complain and turned her head to nibble on Sami's neck. Sami responded by kissing Sarah passionately on her lips.

Sarah stood up on wobbly legs and untied her swimsuit top, then wiggled out of her thong. She turned briefly to face me and smiled. She slid back into the water, facing Sami. She pressed her lips against Sami's pierced nipple, playfully flicking her tongue against the barbell. Sami moaned in pleasure and kissed Sarah's neck.

I couldn't contain myself anymore and I unzipped my pants. When my hands touched the heightened sensitivity of my foreskin, I thought I was going to explode. At that point, all I cared about was what was happening in the 20 feet around me and didn't give a fuck about who might be watching from what balcony or what the neighbors might be hearing. I felt good, incredibly aroused, and I felt a passion for my wife and her new friend that I didn't know existed. I understood why the drug was called ecstasy. I was in it at that moment and I never wanted to leave.

I sat there quietly; the nerve endings in every square inch of my dick exploding in pleasure as I gently squeezed my dick. I could feel the music from the speakers on the balcony, as soft as it was, reverberating through every inch of my body. When I saw Sarah stand up and pull Sami out of the tub, I felt myself shudder in anticipation. Sarah and Sami, still dripping wet, walked inside the suite and toward the bedroom without saying a word. I got up and followed.

When we got into the bedroom, Sami softly pushed Sarah onto the bed. I sat down in a dressing chair and pushed my hand inside my boxers. I wish I could describe the look on Sarah's face, but words won't do it justice. She stared at Sami in rapt attention with half-lidded eyes and dilated pupils. I knew that she must be feeling what I was from the tiny pill, only probably more intensely. When Sami's lips touched Sarah's, Sarah responded with abandon.

The two former church girls made out like two wanton lesbian sluts for what seemed like hours, but must have been only minutes. Time was moving slowly for me at this point, probably fueled by the weed, alcohol and ecstasy. Eventually, however, I saw Sami softly move down Sarah's naked body with her tongue, brushing over her soft tanned skin ever so softly. When she settled on Sarah's nipples, Sarah moaned forcefully with pleasure. Sami continued what she was doing as Sarah started to move her body in time with the soft music still being piped in through the stereo speakers. Slowly gyrating with the beat, Sarah arched her back when Sami flicked Sarah's navel ring. I knew this was a sensitive area for Sarah since she'd had it pierced in her first stages of rebellion and I anticipated what would happen when Sami discovered it.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Sami continued her tongue journey toward Sarah's shaven mound. I knew how much Sarah liked having the top folds of her clit flicked with the tip of my tongue. This was Sarah's most sensitive erogenous zone and I started pulling more forcefully on myself as Sami moved closer. At that moment, Sarah, who had appeared totally stoned and lost in the moment until then, looked at me dead in the eye with absolute clarity. I knew instantly that she was aware of what this whole scene was doing to me. I began to pull harder on my dick, not caring now if anyone knew that I was masturbating shamelessly as another woman went down on my wife.

When Sami's tongue finally entered the folds of Sarah's smooth pussy, Sarah screamed and arched her back, her head rolling back and forth on the pillow, her short spiked blond hair now wet with sweat and sticking to her forehead. Her large golden hoop earrings were swinging like a pendulum against her neck muscles. With each thrust of Sami's tongue, Sarah would moan louder and rock the bed in reckless abandon. I saw Sarah grip the bed sheets with both fists and pull as she arched her back. I knew what was about to happen.

Almost without warning, Sarah made a final arch of her back, coming completely off of the bed from her ass to her shoulders, her head thrust forward. I'm sure she woke the neighbors when she started to chant, "Yes, yes, oh my god! Yes!" Then, with a final shudder, she slowly sank back onto the bed, spent.

I was about to explode in my own hand when I saw my beautiful wife look at me and motion for me to join her and Sami on the bed. I stood up on wobbly legs and dropped my pants. I unbuttoned my shirt and let it fall to the floor and wiggled out of my boxers. When I neared the bed, Sarah reached out and softly grabbed my throbbing member and tugged ever so slightly toward herself. I took the hint and slid into the bed beside her. She rolled over to face me, pushing her breasts against my chest and wrapping one leg over my waist. She softly reached down and guided my dick to her dripping pussy, which was still winking with the dying shudders of orgasm.

Sami didn't protest as Sarah turned her back to her and focused her attention on me. Instead, I saw Sami cuddle behind Sarah and kiss her on the back of her neck, her hands resting on the outside edge of Sarah's breast. I refocused my attention on my wife.

Looking back now, I don't know if it was me being caught up in this amazing surreal fantasy or if it was the euphoric side effects of the drug. What I do know, however, was at that moment, I had never felt closer to my wife or loved her more. Although I was throbbing and I knew my dick was full and ready to explode, I was able to go deeper into the moment. I lost track of time as we lost ourselves in the moment. As I softly made love, real love, to my wife, I realized just how much I adored this girl.

"I love you," I whispered softly, just before I finally released myself inside of her.

"Happy birthday, baby," she whispered back.

***

I suppose this is the part of the narrative where I'm supposed to tell you how my formerly demure, innocent, and pure-as-the-driven-snow church wife went off to become a brazen lesbian slut. Maybe that does happen in some people's reality, but not mine. You see, the truth is, today Sarah and I are a fairly average couple living a very average life.

The trip to Las Vegas was two years ago. Granted, we did spend two more days in Sin City and the three of us did our part to put the "sin" in Sin City. It was a grand time, or at least it seemed like it at the moment, but all good things must come to an end. We said our goodbyes to Sami at the airport and never saw her again.

Once we got home, it took a few weeks for Sarah to completely get the wildness out of her system. She continued to drink and smoke and she loved a good party. I willingly went along for the ride, but cautiously. I was nervous as a whore in church while I waited for the marijuana and ecstasy to clear my system, afraid that I may have to face a drug test. Eventually, however, the fear subsided and life went back to normal.

The pendulum began to swing back center for Sarah as well. Several months after our Vegas adventure, we heeded Rachel's urging and finally went home for a visit. I was still afraid of facing the wrath of Sarah's parents for corrupting their innocent daughter, but it was actually a nice visit.

Rachel, now unencumbered with the rules of her legalistic church, seemed happier than ever. The girls no longer had to face the uncomfortable questions from their schoolmates about why they couldn't wear pants, cut their hair, play school sports or attend dances. Now Rachel allowed them to do all of that. When we went to visit, both girls immediately jumped in Aunt Sarah's lap to show off their newly pierced ears. I chuckled at the sight.

Rachel's changes had an unexpected effect on her entire family. She and Mike now had something besides the girls in common and he obviously was impressed with her changes in appearance. He eventually broke things off with his secretary and he and Rachel are trying to work things out. They even started attending a non-denominational church together, which doesn't have most of the legalistic rules of our former church. Even Sarah's hard-nosed parents have attended the new church with the grandkids periodically and have become a little more laid back and less judgmental.

The visit home had a profound effect on Sarah. She came home a different person. Our party lifestyle ceased almost overnight. We still have our friends and we still drink socially occasionally, but no more drugs or overindulgence. Believe it or not, Tommy and Lizzie, of all people, started attending a church similar to Rachel's. Lizzie doesn't drink or smoke at all now, especially since they're expecting their first child. They've even managed to talk Sarah and me into visiting church with them occasionally. I actually found it to be refreshing after being away so long. I think Sarah feels the same way, although neither of us is quite ready to jump back into the whole organized religion thing just yet.

Since Lizzie got pregnant, Sarah is starting to yearn for motherhood again herself. She doesn't say much, but I know how much having a family was a part of our dream when we first got married and I know it bothers her still that I'm unable to have kids. We did finally breach the subject of adoption recently. We'll wait and see how that might work out in the future.

As I sit here writing this, my laptop sitting on the patio table, I find myself looking at Sarah. She is resting peacefully in my hammock. The weather is a little nippy out; the first hint of fall is in the air. Sarah is swinging slowly back and forth, wearing her favorite pair of faded jeans and old flip flops. Her hair, now back to its original deep scarlet color, barely brushes the top of her breasts. I remember how that hair once flowed in gentle curls to her waist and how she filled out those tight jean skirts back in Bible College. I remember the angel that she was then when I first fell in love.




Backsliding Ch. 07



Now I think of the incredible journey of self-discovery. I think of that girl and her nervousness at first experimenting with worldly indulgences: her first piercing, her first haircut, and her first pair of pants. Then I remember our journey into the darker side of sin. Her first drink, her first smoke, her first time getting high, and her first time with another woman.

I look over at the sleeping beauty in the hammock and wonder who she is, but I already know the answer. She is both the innocent and spiritual angel that I first fell in love with and sexual demon that she became. Those two entities, once at odds, have now found common ground and a truce has been declared. Periodically, depending on our mood, either is likely to surface briefly.

Sarah stirs as if my thoughts have pulled her from her sleep. She sits up in the hammock, her hair wild and tasseled around her face, framing her amazing blue eyes. The fading sunlight reflects briefly on the almost invisible diamond nose stud. I notice that she is not wearing a bra and the cool air has her nipples pressing against her tank top. She knows this turns me on and she smiles.

"I love you, Jim," she whispers.

At this moment, nothing else in the world matters.



Backsliding: Tim's Story



Every man has a weakness, but not everyman knows what that weakness is until it is too late. The story I'm about to tell is something I'm not entirely proud of. 

My name is Tim. I'm a 22-year-old college student at California State University. I'm almost at the end of my senior year studying to be an engineer. I'm also a Christian. A very devout one too. Well, at least I was one. I was the kind of Christian that went to church every Sunday, went to Bible studies, and basically followed what God wanted out of me. I had tremendous faith. Looking back now it seems that I was never truly tested before. I come from a quality Christian family who were the opposite of dysfunction. My parents were well off and everything seemed to go my way. My friends were fellow believers and we had good clean fun growing up. We weren't perfect, but we tried to live as close as possible to the ideal life that God wanted for us. 

I moved away to CSU after high school. I was pumped for the new life and opportunities that God had in store for me. I moved into the dorms my freshman year and made a ton of friends. Some were believers some were not. I made sure that people knew where I stood on issues of drugs, alcohol and sex. People respected me for my convictions and many looked up to me. I joined a Christian group on campus called Crusade on Campus (CC). This group consisted of most of my friends at the time. We did everything together is safe environment free of most temptations college students go through everyday. 

It was at Crusade on Campus that I started dating a nice Christian girl named Lindsey. She was extremely sweet and very cute as well. We dated for about a year and we didn't do anything more than the occasional kiss to holding hands. We were very much in love or so I thought. At the middle of my sophomore year I learned that Lindsey had been cheating on me. I was crushed. Not only did she betray me, but also she did it with a non-believer. After we broke up, Lindsey didn't show up to meetings as much and hardly to church anymore. She was with her new boyfriend who many in CC thought was also the boy that she was sleeping with. Lindsey stopped going altogether at the end of the semester. We as a group of believers prayed for her. We prayed that she would see the light and the error of her ways. We prayed that she would halt her backsliding ways. 

I tell you about Lindsey because I am going through something very similar to her. The only difference is that with the exception of one person, nobody knows, so nobody prays. I'm not at a crossroad in my faith where I can chose God or continue my backsliding lifestyle. 

It all started toward the end of my sophomore year. I was taking a general ed business class and our professor told us that we'd be working on a group project. We did group projects in this class already, but this time the professor decided that the groups would be random. I was kinda bummed as I had one of my friends in the class and another guy who I was witnessing too. I got over it, as it really was no big deal. It would give me an opportunity to meet some new people and invite them to a Crusade on Campus meeting. 

Most groups consisted of four, but ours was of three. This again didn't bother me as I pretty much did all the work anyway on these projects. My group members were a guy named Andy who was pretty much flunking out of the class and the other was a girl named Janine who was a very cute Asian who I had noticed a couple times, but had not given much thought. 

The task was to do an oral presentation of the different marketing practices that businesses employ. We could use video, slides, or poster boards to make our presentations. 

Andy, Janine and I after class headed over to the library to talk about our approach for the project. It was then that I noticed Janine's very pretty eyes and attractive figure. I made a mental note to ask her about her spiritual life when we were alone. 

That moment came quicker than I imagined, as Andy had to leave for work. We sent him off with an assignment and Janine and I stayed to continue to talk. And talk we did. For about 2 hours we talked about the project and the about our lives. I quickly managed to mention my beliefs and through that we went off on a religious discussion. It turns out that Janine used to be a believer. She told me that the church she was with wasn't very loving and it turned her off to the whole religion thing. The good thing was that she was seemed open to church as I told her about mine and about the group on campus. I asked if she was interested in coming that week, but she wasn't really ready. We parted ways eventually and agreed to meet again very soon. 

Looking back now I can see that I was very smitten with Janine. She was very attractive with her long black hair and her thin body. She was about 5'4 with very nice size breasts. Hey, I may have been a Christian, but I still was a man. She also had a very cute face. A small little round nose and the best makeup on a girl I've ever seen. It was almost like she was studying to be a cosmetologist. Nevertheless I didn't want to admit that I was attracted to a girl that wasn't a Christian or at least a strong one. I plotted to spend more time with her to talk about God and do a little schoolwork on the side. 

At the weekly Crusade on Campus meeting I mentioned Janine to a couple of friends and asked for prayer. I of course told them that I was merely witnessing and had no feelings for her whatsoever. Maybe I believed that at the time, but I know now that was a total lie. One of the girls named Maggie overheard me talk about my situation with Janine. Maggie was the kind of girl who didn't quite fit in with the rest of the group. She was a wild one who didn't always do things the way God wanted her too. In short, there were rumors going around the dorms that she was less than virtuous. Maggie proceeded to needle me about Janine and ask me if I liked her and all about her. She was almost encouraging me to go ask her out even after knowing that Janine and I were not equally yoked. 

I went home that night to my dorm that night with Janine on my mind. I kept thinking of how pretty she was and how we could talk about anything with each other with such ease. I couldn't wait to be with her again. 

The next time we got together was that Saturday at the local coffee shop. Andy was supposed to join us to talk about the project, but he had to cancel once again due to work. So it was just Janine and I once again. We got a lot of work done that day and decided to reward ourselves by taking in a matinee movie. As we both walked to the theater I complimented her on her outfit. She was wearing a really cute light blue tank top with a little midriff showing. Janine also had on some jean shorts that were definitely too short for the girls at CC. 

Janine wanted to see a scary horror film. I had a personal policy not to see movies that had too much violence or any nudity. This film had it all. In one of my first real compromises I relented and we went in and saw the film. 

The film was horrible and very typical of Hollywood films nowadays. Blood and gore were prominent as were cuss words and all sorts of sexual situations. I was appalled and at the same time excited. Not because of the erotic things on film, but because of the way Janine was reacting to the movie. She was all jittery and jumpy. She'd grab on to me and hold me. Through the last half of the film her hand was firmly in mine. Needless to say, I didn't remember much from the movie, but was concentrating on the beautiful Asian princess that sat beside me. 

After the movie I walked her home, which was nearby. The easy conversation of before was gone and was replaced with the awkwardness of two people aware of their attraction for each other. At her apartment's footsteps she invited me inside. All flustered I politely declined and told her I'd call her the next day. 

The next day came and I called. The easy conversation was back and we agreed to go on a bike ride together that afternoon. It was our first real date. 

Knocking on her door, Janine answered. She was wearing some tight sweat pants and a little shirt that showed off her tight stomach. We got her bike and we were on our way.  We had a blast during our bike ride through the countryside. The whole time I couldn't help but notice her firm ass as she rode in front of me. I was beginning to lust after this girl. I made a note to let my accountability partner know of my problem. 


We stopped at a secluded grassy area and sat down and took out the sack lunches that we prepared before hand. Janine was just radiant as she sat there on the lush green grass. I made sure she knew it too. 

"I got to say Janine, you have one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen."

Janine was blushing, "Thank you Tim. If I didn't know better I'd think you were flirting with me."

"Maybe I am," I said with a mischievous grin. 

"In that case, maybe I should return the favor. I'm very attracted to you as well Tim. You are so strong and kind. When I'm around you, you make me feel like a woman."

Janine then leaned over and kissed me straight on the lips. Her lips were so red and full and soft. I closed my eyes as I kissed back. It had been quite a while since I felt this way about a girl. 

We didn't kiss that long. I was still a good Christian boy at that point. We were a couple from that point on. I knew she wasn't a Christian and that this wasn't right, but she was so interested in God and I knew I was the best chance she had at becoming a believer. Missionary dating is what they call it, and I was for the first time in my life behind the idea. 

My accountability partner never learned of my lustful ways or the fact that Janine wasn't a Christian. For all he knew and the rest of Crusade on Campus knew, Janine was one of them, a good Christian girl.

The rest of the semester we basically kicked Andy out of the group and told him we'd do the project for him. He was ok with that of course. We'd go out on dates, hold hands everywhere and kiss. We never went farther than a kiss at that point, but boy did we love to kiss. 

Lyndsey and I used to do very small little kisses. Practically pecks. My kisses with Janine were long and very wet. It involved tongues and our hands would caress each other's bodies. It was wrong, but I loved it. 

We dated into the summer and got increasingly intimate. Our make out sessions got longer and longer and she began touching me in places that a non-married couple shouldn't touch. I of course kept my hands above the waist concentrating on her full round breasts. 

At the end of summer things went a little too far. We were in her apartment alone. Her roommate was gone and we were on her bed talking. Before I would have had warning signs going off by now, but I didn't notice anything wrong. 

I leaned in for a kiss. My lips slowly touched hers. I felt her tongue enter my mouth as we began to engage in another hot French kiss. Out tongues danced together as my hands caressed her tits. I kissed her cute button nose and began kissing her neck. Janine's hands were exploring my chest and moving southward. She reached under my shirt and ran her long fingernails over my chest hair and arousing my nipples. We were going at it pretty good up top with the kissing. This was the hottest we've ever been. I should have stopped, but I didn't. 

Janine was an animal. I always knew she got hornier than a normal girl, but this time she was unstoppable. She proceeded to slowly take off my tee shirt exposing my muscular chest. Lying on my back, Janine began to kiss and lick my nipples. Her hands went through my hairy chest as her mouth began to wander down to my navel. Her tongue was teasing and pleasing me as my eyes were closed and my mind in wonderland. 

I then here the snap of a button and the sound of a zipper. These sounds should have awoken me to the fact that I had gone too far with this girl. I should stop this. I'm the Christian, I need to be strong and show her an example of how a Christian couple should behave. 

I didn't wake up. Janine's pretty Asian face was now between my legs as my jeans were completely off. All that was left was my white briefs. Janine began kissing my thighs and licking them sexily as I watched her pretty little head. Her red fingernail polished thumbnails dug under my underwear band and began to peel away my last piece of major clothing. Out sprung my cock, all hard and vein. This was the hardest I'd ever been. I remember watching Janine's eyes as she just stared hungrily at my 7-inch beast. 

I moaned at the very first touch. Janine kissed the sides of my penis and slowly worshiped it. Her pretty red tongue slapping the sides of my cock as her hand slowly massaged my balls. I remember watching her close her eyes as she engulfed my manhood. It was like she was praying as she tasted and swallowed my aroused penis. In and out of her little mouth my cock went. Her tongue was like a windmill caressing the sides of my dick. I was in bliss, my eyes closed and breathing hard. A sweet little Asian girl swallowing my big cock so gently and yet so fast. I moaned a warning to Janine that I was going to cum. Her eyes finally opened as if to say, "Give me all you got". I did just that seconds later as my cock exploded. I was in heaven as the pulsating orgasm swept through me. I heard slurping noises as Janine was bravely swallowing as much of my load as she could. 

I was exhausted as I lay back on the bed. Janine still had her mouth on my cock like it was a pacifier. I smiled at her and she smiled back. She let my flaccid cock drop out of her mouth and came toward me. She attacked my mouth with her tongue as she kissed me deeply. Her mouth still had some of my cum in it and I tasted it. It wasn't all that bad. I remember thinking for a split second about only homosexuals enjoy male cum. I quickly dismissed the thought as I had a horny, hot, sexy Asian woman with me. 

As we kissed I had the sudden urge to return the pleasure that Janine had given me. I proceeded to sit her up and take her top off as well as her lace bra. Before me was my first live female breast. It was wonderful. I sat staring at it tracing it with my fingers. This must have tickled Janine as she let out a sweet little giggle. I gently laid her down on her back and began kissing her tits. I noticed for the first time while my face was buried in every man's dream, that she had some little scars around her breasts. I paid no attention, as I wanted to thank her for the wonderful blowjob she gave me. 

I licked and bit her enlarged nipples as she "oohed and ahhed" the whole time. I spent my time getting to know her tits before venturing south to explore new territory. I remember getting to her navel and exploring it with my tongue as she squealed with delight. I unbuttoned her jeans and slowly slid them to her knees while tonguing her belly button while pinching her nipples. I viewed her little white lace panties and began to pull them down to get to her and my reward. I saw a little bit of hair protruding as I peeled away slowly her panties. I remember my mouth beginning to salivate at the thought of licking and tonguing a hairy, wet pussy. As I continued exposing more hair before my prize, Janine suddenly sat up and screamed. 

"No, no, we can't do this. Tim, no please we can't."

I was shocked and a little afraid at what caused this emotional outburst. 

"What's wrong Janine, I thought we were enjoying this?"

Janine quickly hopped out of bed and gathered up her clothes and fled to the bathroom. Behind the door I could hear her saying sorry over and over again. 

"Janine, was it something I did? I'm new at this, just tell me what you want me to do."

"Tim please! It's not you. We shouldn't be doing this. You should leave. I'm so sorry Tim."

"Janine, I thought we both wanted this. Janine I love you, please come out and talk to me."

"Tim you don't want this, trust me. I love you too, but you don't deserve me. I'm not what you really want."

"Janine please!"

"Go home Tim, please. Go home."

"Janine!"

"Go home!"

There was no consoling Janine at that moment. I was totally clueless as to what the problem was. Looking back there were signs, but I chose to ignore them. I left her apartment confused and scared. Later that night after my hormones calmed down I felt guilty. 

I thought it all made sense at the time. Janine knew I was a good Christian and she was corrupting me. In a sense she was right, but I loved her so much. I wanted to be with her emotionally and physically. I kept asking myself how something that felt so right could be so wrong. 

The next couple of days were tough. I tried calling Janine many times, but no answer. She refused to talk to me. I wanted to go to her apartment, but I was afraid. I was alone with nobody to talk to. If I told my problem to some people at CC they'd look down on me. I thought of talking to my ex girlfriend Lyndsey, but I remembered doing the same hurtful things to Lyndsey after learning of her unholy relationship. I was at a loss. Then it hit me. Maggie. If there were anyone that might understand and be able to give me advice it would be her. If the rumors were true she'd experimented with sex for a while now. She couldn't look down on me, at least I hoped not. 

After that weeks summer Crusade on Campus meeting I asked Maggie if I could talk to her alone. I needed advice from a person that understood and had been there. 

I drove Maggie home to the dorms and we sat in my car and talked. I was nervous as telling her my problem meant letting somebody know that I wasn't perfect. Maggie is a natural beauty. Most guys would kill for a girl like her. She had long dirty blonde hair; she's tall with legs that don't quit. She's got a nice rack and is in awesome shape. She's basically the best looking girl at CC. She'd be the best looking girl in most groups she attended. 

"Maggie, I need some advice and at this point you are the only person I can turn to."

"Me? Why me? Aren't there a lot of better people you could talk to?"

"You are the only one who will understand. It's about Janine and I."

"What she wants to kiss you and you are freaking out about that?" laughed Maggie. 

"I'm not that much of a prude. At least not anymore. And it is a lot more than a kiss."

"Really? You go Tim. Moving on to second base now, huh? Be honest, the reason you want to talk to me because you think I'm a slut. Right?"

"No, I have no reason to call anyone that anymore. I have heard stuff, and that is why I thought you could help. If I'm wrong, then sorry."

"I'm not saying you are right, but unlike other people I'm not going to judge you and not help. Tell me Tim what is up?"

"Janine and I have been fooling around lately. A couple of days ago we really went at it and she went down on me. I wanted to do the same for her but at the last minute she freaked and kicked me out. Now she won't talk to me. I'm in love with her Maggie. What can I do?"

Maggie sat there smiling at me. I was worried she'd throw this whole thing in my face for the times I had been unintentionally rude to her. I remember one time when I made a comment about her shirt. She was wearing a midriff tee shirt that showed off her amazingly taut abs. I made a comment about maybe she should get some new shirts as the ones she has now are shrinking. It wasn't a very funny comment, but others at CC laughed. I never really felt bad about that remark until right now. 

"Tim, did she say anything why she wanted you to stop?"

"Well she told me that I don't want to do this. I think she feels bad for corrupting me. I told her I don't care and that I wanted her."

"You gotta talk to her somehow. Have you gone to her place, wrote a letter, done something other than a phone call?"




Backsliding: Tim's Story



Maggie had a good point. I hadn't done everything that I could. I'd have to try harder. 

"Tim you need to tell her how you feel. Show her somehow that you really want to move your relationship to the next level. Make her know that it is want you want."

"Thanks Maggie. Good advice," I told her. 

It is funny how I pretty much knew the answer before hand, but I needed someone to talk to about it. 

"So Tim, were you really willing to eat Janine's pussy?"

I blushed and put my head down, "Yeah I really was."

"Wow, good old Tim was willing to munch on the fur burger. Haha. I guess you and me are a lot alike."

"That's why I came to you Maggie."

"I know this was very hard for you Tim so I'm gonna tell you something about myself. Most of the rumors about me are true. I've fooled around with some guys. I don't know if this rumor is out there yet, but I'm also into girls."

"I've heard something about that, but didn't know if it was true."

"What do you think about that Tim?"

"I don't know. A long time ago I'd probably tell you what you are doing is wrong, but I don't know anymore."

"I sometimes think it is wrong, but it just feels right. You know what I mean?" "Yeah I do. Your secret is safe with me Maggie."

After that Maggie left for her dorm room and I headed back to my apartment. I had to do something about Janine. I was in love with her. 

The next day I made a decision. I was going to ask her to marry me. It was the only way. I was in love and couldn't imagine not being with her, and it was a way that wouldn't make Janine feel guilty if we actually had sex. I went to the mall and used most of my grant and loan money for the upcoming semester and bought a really nice engagement ring. 

For the next couple of days I tried calling her to set up a meeting. I left many messages and even talked to her roommate. Janine was in town, but didn't want to talk to me. I had to just go visit her. It wouldn't be the most romantic proposal, but it would have to do. 

I dressed in a nice suite and was at her doorstep one afternoon. My heart was beating with anticipation and nervousness. I knocked on the door and waited. Nothing happened. I used the buzzer and nothing. I was starting to get discouraged and was just about to turn and walk towards my car when Janine opened the door. 

"Janine. We need to talk."

"Tim I thought I told you we shouldn't see each other anymore."

"But why Janine? You never told me why? Is it something I did?"

Janine began to sob as she turned and went inside her apartment. The door was still open and I followed her in. She was on one side of the couch and I was on the other. 

"Janine, these past 4 months have been the best in my life. I love you and I want to be with you. I know you think you are corrupting a good Christian boy, but I don't care. I want you and that is all. I love you Janine."

"I love you too Tim," a sobbing Janine replied. 

This was my moment. It was now or never. I got up and knelt down before her and pulled out the ring box.

"Janine, I never felt anything about anyone as much as I feel with you. You are my soul mate. I love you and want to be with you forever. Janine. Will you marry me?"

Janine began weeping so hard she couldn't talk. I was waiting and waiting for an answer. 

"I love you too Tim and I would like to marry you but..."

"But what honey?"

"I haven't been totally honest with you. I'm not what I seem. I'm afraid if I tell you then you won't want anything to do with me ever again."

"Janine, sweetie, there is nothing you could say that would make me love you less."

"Just remember you said you loved me and we were soul mates...Tim the reason I wouldn't let you go down on me was because there is something there that you don't want."

At this point I'm very confused. Like an idiot, I have no idea what kind of bombshell she is about to drop on me, but this is the moment where she does. 

"Tim, I'm...I was born....uh...I was born a man, not a woman."

My heart stopped. I had not expected that. Not in a million years. In that moment I began to scour my memory for any clues. They started hitting me like a ton of bricks. Her voice wasn't always that feminine, but I knew women who had raspy voices. I remember the scar on her breast. Must have been breast implants. I couldn't fault just myself as everyone I knew had been fooled. Janine was a very convincing woman. 

"What?" I finally responded after a prolonged silence. 

"I'm a transsexual, a she-male. I have the working genitals of a man, but everything else of a woman. I know this is a shock, I'm sorry."

I felt sorry for her. Janine's eyes were red and teary. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I did know I wasn't going to be my old self and condemn her. I moved closer to her on the couch and held her. She began to cry in my arms and I even shed a tear or two. We held each other for about 20 minutes. 

She handed me back the ring. 

"Obviously I can't accept this. Hopefully we can remain friends. I love you, but I know this must be difficult."

"It is different," I joked. We both nervously laughed. 

"Janine let me think about this. I don't hate you, I'm shocked, but I'm not going to turn my back on you. Give me some time."

And time is what I needed to digest this daytime talk show type drama. I thought of only one person to turn to. Maggie. 

The next day I sit in Maggie's dorm room trying to tell her this unbelievable development.  "Maggie I took your advice. I went to her house and told her how I feel. I even proposed to her."

"What? I can't believe it. You must really be in love with this girl."

"Yeah, but something happened. She told me why she didn't want me eating her."

"And?"

"Please don't tell anyone, but she said she isn't really a woman."

"What!"

"She's a transsexual. She has a dick. That's the reason. I'm not joking."

"Oh my God. I can't believe it. What did you do?"

"I...I told her I need more time."

"You aren't seriously thinking of staying with her are you?"

"I don't know. Part of me is disgusted, but the part of me that loves her and cares for her is also a bit aroused. I need help Maggie."

"I believe that if you love someone it shouldn't matter what gender they are. I mean when I'm with a girl it feels right and when I'm with a guy it feels right. How could sharing the most intimate thing with someone be wrong."

"I'm starting to believe that too."

"Tim you are also pretty lucky. If I want to have a girlfriend everyone will know and talk behind my back. With you nobody knows that she's a he. It could work for you. I say try it."

A couple days later I'm back at the doorstep of Janine's. She opens the door and smiles that beautiful smile of hers. 

"We need to start over. My name is Tim and I'm a really scared and confused male who is willing to give us a shot."

"My name is Janine and I'm a tranny who is love with the best guy any girl could want."

I took her hand and walked inside and kissed Janine on the lips. I led her to the bedroom kissing her along the way. I laid her down on the bed like before and began to finish what we started the last time we were here. I began sliding off her pants exposing her panties. Knowing the truth now, I can see a bulge and I kind of laughed to myself as to how I missed that. I slip her panties off her pretty little body and before my eyes is the sexiest looking penis I ever saw. It is about four inches hard and pointing straight up at me. 

Janine asks me if I'm ready for this and I just smile and kiss the head of her cock. My tongue teases the slit on her cock as I take her all in my mouth. The taste and smell is unbelievable. I'm loving every second slurping and tonguing her hard cock in my mouth. I don't feel gay or homosexual while doing this, I feel like I'm making love to the person I'm in love with. What could be wrong about that?

Clearly loving the attention my mouth is giving her cock, Janine is moaning and giving her approval as I perform. I take a slight detour from her cock and begin to suck and gently lick her balls. I take each sac into my mouth gently and caress it with my tongue. My finger finds its way to her ass as I begin to finger her. I latch onto her penis once again hoping to taste her sweet nectar. I begin to quickly go up and down on her dick while fingering her anus real good. Her moans are like a choir to me as she alerts me of her impending orgasm. I'm there around her shaft, my tongue around the head as she squirts cum fiercely down my throat. I successfully try not to gag as I taste the cum from her cock. It is the most sweetest and wonderful tasting thing I've had because it came from the woman I love. 

Now it was time for us both to lose our virginity. I motioned Janine to get on all fours as I began to use my hands to spread her ass apart giving my mouth easy access to her anus. I licked and stuck my tongue as far as I could up her male pussy. Her moans told me I was doing the right things. Janine's ass was now all wet and lubed from my saliva that I proceeded to slowly enter her virgin ass with my large 7-inch cock. There was a little bit of pain as I moved more of my manhood into her, but eventually my whole penis was inside her. I could feel the walls of her anus squeezing my cock and holding it tight. I carefully slid my cock out and back into her with increasing speed each time. I did this until I was ferociously fucking her ass with my dick. We both were screaming in joy as we were making each other feel so good. My balls were slapping hard against Janine's tight Asian ass as I felt my seed coming. Before I knew it, my cock exploded its contents into her ass. This made Janine orgasm once again as I felt my cock being squeezed. We both came together, myself in her ass, and her in my hand. After the heavenly orgasm we lied next to each other kissing. We fell asleep that night together naked having several times made love through the night. 

It is now a year later. I'm about to start my senior year. The whole missionary dating thing seems to have worked out well. Janine has become a Christian as well. We are active in Crusade and in our church. No one suspects anything is different with us than with any other couple. We are in love, so much so that we will be getting married this summer. We've both agreed to try to stop having sex with each other until we wed, but it is a very difficult task and if you saw Janine you'd know why.  I'm very happy now, as I have found someone that completes me. At the same time I'm not exactly proud of what I'm done, as I don't plan on letting the world know our story. As far as they know, I'm just a normal Christian guy and Janine is a sweet Christian gal. My Christian faith hasn't been the same since Janine. I'm not completely torn up about it, but I know that one day I'll have to stop my backsliding days. 

I hope you enjoyed the story. Feedback always gets me motivated to write more for you. Ideas for future stories or thoughts on this one is much appreciated. Check out my other stories if you liked this one. Thanks again! 



Backsliding



I asked her again, "Is that what you want? Do you want to be corrupted? Do you want to be a bad girl? Is that what you want, Sarah? Tell me!"

With an expression of pure ecstasy and passion like I'd never seen before, my beautiful redheaded wife opened her sky blue eyes and peered into mine in a moment of absolute clarity.

"Yes," she whispered, then much louder as the most powerful orgasm she had ever experienced racked her body, she nearly screamed, "YES!!!"

I exploded inside of her.