0 comments/ 210646 views/ 25 favorites Rules of Marriage Ch. 01 By: thecelt This story is in three parts, all of which are finished. They will be posted on consecutive days and the ending is yours to finish. You can decide what Sam does. Enjoy. Sam rolled off me and sat up on the side of the bed. "I'm gonna take a shower. Want to join me?" He looked back at me lying there exhausted and sweaty. We had just finished a solid hour of lovemaking and it had been great. "Thanks but no thanks. I need to stay here and recover. You wore me out and I'm going to be sore later. I'm not complaining, mind you." I was certainly not complaining since I had been so close to losing him just two weeks ago. Sam went into the bathroom and I soon heard the sound of the shower going full blast. Sam Simons was my husband of 13 years and my only love. We had two wonderful children, Melissa, 6 and Jennie, 4. They were with their grandparents for the week. Sam and I needed this time together to try to salvage our marriage. So far, things were going very well. We had spent this first evening of our planned alone time just talking about what had happened and how we were going to cope with it. While it had started badly, we ended up in bed and it was great. This was the first time Sam had touched me since he found out. Sam was taking everything very well and I was the one who was the wreck. I was the one that cheated on him and he had found out. Since he knew about my infidelity, he was able to tell that I had been honest about most things and wanted him to forgive me. He took my confession almost too well, which scared me some. I was waiting for the proverbial second shoe to fall. After two weeks, nothing had hit the floor and I was beginning to feel slightly more optimistic. This week together was supposed to give us time to resolve the dilemma that I had caused. It all began 6 weeks ago. My name is Kristen and I am a 38-year-old Public Relations consultant for a Fortune 100 company located here in Atlanta, Ga. I was retained to work on community outreach programs sponsored by the company and to be sure that they got the credit for the good works done by their sponsored groups. I was very good at it and had been doing it for some time. I traveled often and met a lot of very interesting people, and up to this point, it had never been a problem. I had driven to Savanna with two of my crew to meet with a group that was looking for funding for a project that they had submitted. They wanted to set up a small theater in a run down section of the city and bring in young people to train in theater arts, somewhat like the village people years ago. I thought the project had promise and agreed to meet with them. I took two other girls from my department who were very good at project implementation. We were to meet with Rudy Baker, the leader of the group and with three other members who had drafted the proposal. I was very surprised when I met the group leader. He was my age, tall and very good-looking. Rudy had light brown hair, brown eyes and a deep tan. He carried himself with confidence and he had a habit of looking directly into my eyes as he spoke. His voice was beautiful: strong and deep. I found myself attracted to him almost immediately. The meeting went very well and the group members had their facts and numbers well documented and my group was able to set up a schedule for the project rollout. We finished off the proposal and I put the finishing touches on it to present to the CFO of my sponsoring company. I told them I felt this had a very good chance of being approved. I looked at Rudy, wanting him to smile. He had the most beautiful smile. Since it was just over 250 miles back to Atlanta, we had reservations at a hotel downtown for the night. We made plans to go to dinner with everyone but Rudy made reservations at a small, home-style restaurant in his neighborhood. It was a cute place with good food and good music. Everybody enjoyed themselves and we stayed well into the evening. We had shared a bottle of wine and everyone felt like a second bottle. We ordered and continued with our party. I was certainly feeling very mellow by the time we had worked our way through the third bottle. I suddenly noticed that Rudy and I were the only two left at the table and that all the others had somehow disappeared or headed back to the hotel. I had been so focused on him and listening to him talk with that wonderful voice that I didn't see them leave. I thought that maybe I should also leave since we had a long drive back the next morning. I said as much to Rudy and he agreed. We left the restaurant and he called for a cab to get me back to my hotel. It never occurred to me to wonder why he got in the cab with me. Since we were in a part of town that had few nice places to stay, the cab ride took some time. During the ride, I just leaned against him and the motion of the cab almost put me to sleep. I guess I was more intoxicated than I thought I was. Rudy paid for the cab and helped me out. I was able to walk upright and to make my way into the hotel with Rudy's help. It was early so the lobby was busy and I didn't stand out too badly. We finally managed our way to the elevators and Rudy asked me for my room number. "Sixth floor, room 623. I think I can make my own way from here." I leaned against the wall waiting for the elevator to open. I didn't think I could manage to stand on my own for that long. "I'll see you to your room since you don't look too steady on your feet. It's no problem." He held on to me and helped me into the elevator when the doors finally opened. We got in and I immediately grabbed onto the railing facing the back. As the elevator began to rise, I noticed that the back wall was glass and I was suddenly looking down at the floor far below. I almost lost my dinner and I turned quickly, right into Rudy's arms. I buried my face against his chest and held on till my stomach calmed down. "It's a good thing I came with you. You look like you're about to collapse. I'll get you to your room and help you to lie down." He was as steady as could be. It was almost like he had nothing to drink. I couldn't figure that out. Well, I was glad he was here. I held on to him as the elevator continued its climb. The doors opened and Rudy put his arm around my waist and we walked to my room. I rummaged in my purse till I found the key and gave it to him. I certainly couldn't work it just then. He opened the door and helped me inside. He shut the door behind him and walked me to the bed. I thought I heard him put the chain on the door but I wasn't really sure. I staggered to the bed and sat down heavily. My head was beginning to spin and I was afraid to shut my eyes. I felt a cool cloth being pressed against my forehead and it felt like heaven. I reached for the cloth and felt Rudy's warm hand holding it. I put my hand over his and just held it there. He put his other hand on my cheek and caressed me as he held the cool cloth to my burning brow. Somehow his touch cooled my fever as his soft caress warmed me. I wasn't sure why, but I reached out to him and pulled him down to me. I wanted to kiss those lips: lips I had watched all evening. I wanted his hands on me in the most intimate places. I wanted to feel those arms around me and I wanted to bury my face in his chest. I had no conscious thought as I did these things. I was lost in the moment and I wanted this man right now. Rudy stopped and pulled me to my feet. He began to unbutton my blouse slowly. I wanted to help him but he stayed my hands. He undid all the buttons and pushed my blouse off my shoulders. I shuddered with the feeling of the air conditioned air on my naked skin. He then put his hands in the waistband of my skirt and slowly slid it down off my hips. I couldn't help but wiggle my hips as he did so. The skirt went the way of the blouse and I was standing in front of this magnificent man in only my bra and panties. I looked into those brown eyes and waited for his next move. He had made it clear that he was in charge and I was content. He pulled his V-neck shirt over his head and I stared at his rock hard abs and his almost hairless chest. He was deeply tanned from working outside a lot and his physique was wonderful. I put my hand against his flat stomach and felt the hard muscle. I wanted the rest! He obliged me by pulling his pants down and kicking them off. His erection was clear against his boxer shorts. I just stared at it for what seemed like forever before reaching for it. Again, he pushed my hands away. As I watched, Rudy removed his shorts and stood there in front of me. He was magnificent! His body was beautiful and his cock was almost 7" and very thick. It pulsed as I gazed at it and the head was a warm pink. He just stood there while I admired him. He then moved to me and reached behind me to unhook my bra. My breasts were one of my better features and he gasped a small sigh when he first saw them free and proud. He put one hand on my right breast and smiled. After a minute, he put his hands in the waistband of my panties and pushed them down. I kicked them into the corner with the rest of my clothes. He tilted my face up to his and kissed me. I melted against him and felt his erection pressing into my stomach. It felt huge! His tongue invaded my mouth and I opened to him without reservation. I was giving myself to this man to do with as he wanted! His arms surrounded me and I collapsed into him as my legs gave way. I was so hot and so ready and as he caressed me, I pressed myself into him. "Make love to me, please." I pressed harder against him, wanting more and more. I was lost in the moment and wanted him to take me now. His hands caressed my nipples as they hardened and swelled. His touch was like fire to my skin and I was swept away by desire. He dropped to his knees as I stood there naked and he began to kiss the inside of my thighs. I reached down to put my hand to his head and pulled him tight against my sex. He responded with his lips and his tongue while I writhed in ecstasy! He entered me with his tongue and he used one hand to rub my clit. As I began to hump against his face, he put three fingers into me and began to finger me while still rubbing my clit. I was almost uncontrollable as he drove me over the edge. I came almost immediately and my juices flowed down my leg. I held him tightly against me till my climax subsided. My legs finally could hold me no longer and I collapsed to the bed. He stood and watched me as I recovered. I looked up to find him standing directly in front of me with his engorged cock just inches from my face. It was huge and just waiting to be invited in to my willing mouth. I took it in my hand and held it while I placed my lips over the head. I had to stretch some to get my mouth open wide enough to take it all in, but I managed. I took about 3 or 4 inches in and began to swirl my tongue over the sensitive head and loose skin of the shaft. As I did that, I began to bob my head up and down his shaft while my hand continued to jack him off. I kept this up while I caressed his balls with my other hand. I looked up to see his eyes on me and a smile on his face. As I looked at him, I began to bob faster and faster and I jacked him off at the same pace. I could feel his balls begin to swell and tighten and I knew he was close. I moved my hand from his balls to the sensitive area behind and close to his rectum. I could feel him begin to hump my mouth and I sucked harder and put both arms around his ass to pull him in. He suddenly tensed and I felt his cum spurt into the back of my throat. He held my head while he emptied himself into me. I swallowed it all. We both got in bed and we made love twice more. Both times were fantastic. Rudy was an experienced lover and knew how to bring me to climax. He entered me from behind and was able to maintain his erection while he really pounded into me. He reached around with one hand to my clit and the other on my breast. I almost passed out from the feeling. After the second time, with me on top and riding him for all I was worth, I fell asleep for a while and was awakened by Rudy, dressed and ready to leave. He told me it was almost morning and he should go before people began to wake. He kissed me and told me that he had a wonderful time and that he would love to get together again as soon as I could get back to Savanna. I got up to walk with him to the door and told him that I would personally bring the final papers back when they were signed. He kissed me good by at the door and left. After Rudy left, I went in to take a shower and dress for the trip back to Atlanta and my husband. I thought of Sam and what I had just done. I felt guilt but not as bad as I expected. I truly loved Sam and my girls and could not imagine my life without them. But what I had just done was not about Sam. It was just sex, and it felt good, just like a good massage. Sam would never know and I could live with that. I was amazed at myself for my very mature way of rationalizing this. As we drove home that next day, I was setting in the back seat, lost in thought and not a small amount of guilt and wasn't paying attention to anything else. One of the two girls that were with me was driving and they were quietly talking away about last night and the food. Julie, who was driving, mentioned Rudy and laughed a little. I heard her say that Rudy certainly enjoyed the dinner and probably had a good time afterwards as well. I don't think I was supposed to hear that and I tried to pretend sleep. I was humiliated to think that these girls knew about last night. The more I thought about it though there was no way they could know, could they? They left before we did and Rudy left before light this morning. They were just guessing. With that, I dozed the remainder of the trip since I had little sleep the night before. When I got home and saw Sam, my rationalization began to feel less perfect and mature and just dirty. I had a rough time being with him for about a week until I finally learned to live with the guilt and the uncertainty. We made love that weekend and that helped a lot. I did things to Sam that he always liked and tried to make him as happy as I could. That was fun but I knew it was initiated by guilt. Sam was his same loving self and that helped me to get on with my life. If he was OK, things couldn't be too bad. I thought about Rudy sometimes, but Sam was a better lover and far better at making me satisfied. Rudy faded into the background. Things were OK for the next two weeks until something changed. I didn't know what but Sam began to act sort of moody and withdrawn. When I asked him what was up, he simply replied that work was getting to him. Now, that was hard to believe since Sam loved his work. He was a civilian instructor for the Military base in Atlanta in personal and hand-to-hand combat. He enjoyed working with the young Marine pilots and teaching them skills that could save their lives. He also taught civilians off base but didn't enjoy that as much. I couldn't believe he had problems at work. Sam eventually started to behave normally and life went back to normal. I had put Savanna out of my mind and vowed that something like that would never happen again. Sure. The best laid plans, etc., etc. My boss called me in to tell me that the proposal for the group theater in Savanna had been approved. The money was fully funded and the project was accepted as submitted. There were a few procedural changes but they had no impact on the project implementation. He wanted me to personally see to the modifications in the contract and get signatures as soon as possible. As I said, the best laid plans, etc. I called Rudy and told him the good news and that I would be coming down there next Monday. He was delighted and wanted to know whom we would need to assemble to sign the contracts. I told him I only needed his signature to complete the deal. He immediately suggested that he meet me at the hotel where we could have dinner and then take care of the contracts. He also said that he was looking forward to spending the evening with me. I hesitated but agreed to his invitation for dinner. The rest was implied. As I hung up, I debated with myself the wisdom of going to Savanna alone and with a plan to meet the man who led me to cheat on my husband. I went back and forth and finally decided that since Sam seemed to be back to his normal self and nothing bad had come from the last fling, once more couldn't hurt. This would be the last time and I would never again cheat on my husband. Rationalization complete!! I told Sam that Wednesday that I would be going back to Savanna on Monday for an overnight to finalize the contracts for the program. I told him that it had been approved and I just needed to get some signatures for my boss. I said that I would stay overnight again because of the 500-mile roundtrip. Sam's response surprised me. "Do you really have to go, or do you have a reason that you want to go?" He looked at me with a strange look on his face. "It seems like a long trip for you, and since you are the department head, you could send someone else to do it." "I am going because my boss asked me to see to it personally. I only need to talk with one person there so the trip is more time consuming than anything else. Anyway, it's a pleasant drive and a nice hotel so I don't mind." Why did this come up at this time? Could Sam suspect anything? I didn't see how. I would play this out and make a decision based on his response. "OK, babe. You know what's best. I was just thinking about you making a long trip alone and spending a boring evening in the hotel all alone." Sam picked up his paper and went back to reading. I breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't suspect! Thank God. I could still see Rudy for one more time. Sam and I had a great weekend with the kids and we made love both Saturday and Sunday nights. That was unusual, but I certainly welcomed it since it made my intended cheating more acceptable. If Sam was happy, I was more at peace. The only thing that bothered me was Sam's attitude on Sunday. We were all together in the family room: the kids were on the floor playing with some game that they liked; I was reading a book that I had started and Sam was watching a football game. "I love this. We have two wonderful kids, a great family and a great life. I don't want anything to ruin this for us. I would never do anything that would jeopardize this." He looked at the kids with a smile on his face and turned to me. "Would you?" "Sam, what kind of question is that? Of course you could do nothing that would hurt the kids or me, and neither would I. Why would you say something like that?" Now I was worried. Sam was usually not this deep a thinker. He would be more likely to say something like 'nobody had better screw with us' or something like that. This mood scared me. "Just thinking babe. They are really beginning to get serious about moving the training center from the base to somewhere else and it bothers me. I worry about it sometimes and seeing us like this makes me sensitive." He laughed and said, "Don't you women like sensitive guys?" I relaxed a little. I knew Sam was worried about closing the training center and he had mentioned it just last week. I thought that was it but maybe a little reassurance was what he needed. "Sam, you shouldn't worry. We have money in the bank and I have a good job and we could get by for a while on my salary. You could start your own studio and increase your private teaching and probably make more money than you do now." I smiled at him and watched for his reaction. He looked back at me for a minute with a frown, but then smiled. "You're right babe. I guess I just worry too much. I know you will always be there for the kids and me, and I know that I can depend on you." With that, he turned back to the game. I breathed a sigh of relief. He knew nothing and I was safe. Rules of Marriage Ch. 01 That night as I got ready for Monday's trip, I was careful to pull two very conservative pants suits from my closet and hung them on the hook in the bathroom. "Which do you think I should wear tomorrow? I kind of like the beige one." Sam looked at the two suits and stated his preference for the blue one. I didn't care either way because as soon as he left for work the next day, I was going to put my little black dress in the carrier. That is what I would change into after I got to the hotel. Sam and I went to bed and he made love to me again with a passion that surprised me. I asked him what was going on and he again told me the move was on his mind and that I could certainly take his mind off his problems. I laughed and said that I didn't mind all the talk of moving if this is what it was going to do to him. Lovemaking was very good that night. The trip to Atlanta was uneventful and I got there just about 5:00 that evening. I checked into the hotel and had the bellboy take my overnight to my room. I stripped and took a warm relaxing shower. I felt great. I put on my dress and admired my self in the mirror. I could still turn heads. I had great legs and my face was certainly not my worst feature. My waist was back to 24" and my hips were just about right. My breasts had returned to the 34C that I normally had except while pregnant and looked great in the low cut dress. I know Sam always liked my breasts when I was pregnant. I usually went to a D cup. I carefully put on my face and got ready for dinner. Rudy said he would call for me at 6:30 for dinner here in the hotel. I had made reservations for 6:45. I gave myself one more look and waited for the call. As I stood there in that hotel room in Savanna Georgia, thinking about what I was planning on doing and thinking about my life with Sam and the kids, I began to question everything. What was I doing, and more importantly, why was I doing it? More and more, I questioned my motives. I loved Sam more than life itself. My kids were the most important things in my life. Was I going to risk these things for one night of sex with a man I would probably never see again? I began to shake. I felt my face grow hot and I had to set down on the bed to keep from falling over. Was this what guilt felt like? It was probably a panic attack brought on by my thinking the worst. At that instant, the phone rang, jolting me back to reality. It rang three times before I could reach over and pick it up. "Hello?" My voice was shaky but I had it under control. "Hi, gorgeous, it's me." Rudy's voice drove my doubts deep into a dark corner of my mind, giving me back control. "Hi, yourself. Are you in the lobby?" I was again my usual bubbly self and looking forward to the evening. Rudy's voice had been one of the things about him that really turned me on. I went down to meet Rudy for dinner and he was most appreciative of how I looked. It was clear that he would gladly forgo dinner if I would go back to the room with him right now. I wanted dinner and some time to work up to what I had planned as a most enjoyable night. He took my arm and we walked through the lounge to the restaurant. Once seated, we talked and flirted and I rubbed his leg with my stocking feet driving him crazy. I did all the things that I used to do to Sam when we were dating but this was not a date, and Sam was not involved. I again felt a cold shiver go down my back and I felt the panic just below the surface. I had to do something to get myself under control. "Let's get a bottle of wine for when we go upstairs. I can have it sent to the room." I knew wine lowered my inhibitions, which is what happened the last time we were together. So did Rudy. We went to the room after a wonderful dinner and I was beginning to get hot just thinking about what was to come. Rudy had been charming and witty and said all the right things to flatter me. He continually made suggestive comments and the smile on that gorgeous face really made me respond. As we entered the room, Rudy began to caress me and kiss my face and neck. I was so hot that I pushed him away and began to undress for his pleasure. I swayed my hips and wiggled my dress over my hips in a way to make me look like a stripper. I wasn't very good at it, but he didn't seem to mind. As I removed my dress, he tore off his shirt and tie and dropped his pants. He was undressed in no time at all. He sat on the bed, naked except for his socks and watched me perform while he stroked himself. I put my dress over the chair and leaned over, showing my ass to him as I removed my bra and panties. I turned and presented my naked body to this Adonis setting there on my bed. I felt wild and dirty and I wanted to be taken by this man. I moved over to the bed where Rudy was setting and offered myself to his waiting mouth. He reached out and put both hands on my hips and pulled me to him. I held my breath, waiting for the touch of his tongue. I was shivering with desire and wanted his mouth on my sex. At that instant, there was a knock on the door. I froze and backed away. I was shaking and didn't know what to do. The knock was repeated and I looked at Rudy. "Did you order room service?" He shook his head no. "Get in the bathroom. Quick." I looked through the peephole but could see only a vase of flowers. I couldn't see the face. I was confused for a moment but then remembered that Sam had commented on me spending a lonely night in a hotel. He had ordered these flowers for me to make my night more pleasant! Just like him to be so concerned with my feelings and me. I pulled on a terry robe and opened the door. When the man lowered the flowers, I suddenly saw his face: it was Sam! "Oh my God! Sam! What are you doing here? Where did you come from?" I was totally panicked and didn't know what to do or say. I tried to push the door closed but he pushed past me and entered the room. I hoped Sam would believe I was alone but he looked at the closed door to the bathroom. "Why Kristen dear, are you surprised to see me? I would think you would be delighted to have your loving husband pay you a surprise visit with a vase of flowers. Is there something that you would rather me not know about?" As he spoke, he sat the flowers down and walked to the bathroom door. I watched with eyes wide and mouth open in an 'O'. He pushed on the door but it didn't open. Rudy must be holding it closed from inside. "Why don't you just come out, Mr. Baker. I know you are in there and we need to talk." He stepped back and waited for Rudy to come out. In the meantime, he just looked at me with a cold, hard look in his eyes. I was still stunned and was just staring at him. I was beginning to be afraid of what I knew was coming. Rudy entered the room wrapped only in a bath towel. He was really an impressive figure. He had the look of a man that knows he is attractive to women and he had nothing but disdain on his face as he looked at Sam. He had that 'I just fucked your wife' look. He smiled as he looked over at me. "Mr. Baker, I want you to get your clothes and get out of here. This ends, now! I don't ever want to see you again and you will not see my wife again. Is that clear?" Sam watched his face for a response. I knew he was hoping Rudy would do or say something smart. Since Sam was only 5' 11" and just 175 lbs, and Rudy was over six feet tall, 200+ pounds and well built, I thought he might be fooled into thinking he could defend himself against anything Sam could do. I wanted to warn him not to say or do something stupid, but I couldn't open my mouth. Unfortunately Rudy took the path of defiance. "I believe that is up to Kristen to decide. If she prefers a real man …" As he said this, Sam covered the few steps between them in a heartbeat and drove his knee into Rudy's groin. Rudy doubled over and Sam pulled his face down onto his knee. He clubbed him across the shoulders with clenched hands, and Rudy went down like a wet sandbag. The whole thing had taken less than two seconds. Sam bent over and grabbed a handful of Rudy's hair and pulled his face up so that Rudy could see his eyes and asked, "Do you understand what I said? Do you?" Rudy was almost out of it, so Sam slapped him across the face and asked again. This time he got a response. "I, I un, understand!" Sam let him go and he struck the floor hard. Sam stood back and waited until he got up. Rudy staggered around the room picking up his clothes and shoes and took them into the bathroom to dress. Sam yelled at him as he left: "Don't take too long or I'll be in to help you." During all of this, I had said not a word. I just stared at the floor while he waited for Rudy to dress, Rudy finally came out of the bathroom. He looked at Sam fearfully with eyes already beginning to swell and quickly sidled around him to the door. He left without a backward glance at me. Sam finally turned to see me sitting there dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say or do. I knew that my world had just come crashing down and I had no idea of what to do next. I wanted to say all of the stupid things that come to mind at a time like this. I'm sorry; it wasn't what it looked like; it was the first time; please forgive me. All of the things that were lies and meant only to protect me from my own stupidity. As I sat there in shock and foreboding, Sam finally spoke to me. "I will see you at home." That was all he said to me. With that, he walked out of the room without another word. He didn't even look at me. As I sat there alone in a hotel room, naked and in a cheap robe, I began to realize what I had done and what I may have lost. For the first time, I was frightened. Rules of Marriage Ch. 02 I checked out of the hotel less than 20 minutes after Sam left. I put on the jeans and sweater that I traveled from Atlanta in and threw everything else in my overnight. I called the desk and told them I was checking out and the key was on the desk. They could send me the final bill. I got my car from the garage and left Savanna in a rush. I hit Interstate 16 and locked the car on cruise control. I needed to think! I needed to have my story straight when I got home to face Sam. I didn't know how he had found me out but I needed to decide what he knew and how much I could tell him. I wanted only to find a way to save our marriage. I had done the damage and I didn't know what I could do but I had to try. The truth would have been more effective if I had told him three weeks ago. Then it was a one-time thing and he would probably understand. We could find a way past that. This however was a planned betrayal that went terribly wrong. That I couldn't explain away. Maybe he had come there just to surprise me and spend the night with me to make the trip more pleasant. Maybe he had looked for me and saw me with Rudy in the restaurant and put two and two together. Maybe he followed me to the room and then waited for a few minutes to see if Rudy came back out. That would explain the flowers. He had probably picked them up as a surprise for me. I began to relax a little thinking I could explain this as a one time thing. "I'm sorry Sam. We had dinner, some wine, I was too relaxed and things got out of hand". He could buy that, if he didn't know about the first time. Should I take the chance? I thought this over for the next hour. Then I remembered! He had known Rudy's name! That meant he already knew about him, and I had to admit to the first time. That would be the best way to convince him that I was telling the truth. That seemed like my best bet. By the time I hit the outskirts of Atlanta, I had decided to be totally honest and tell Sam everything, including the first time three weeks ago. I had no choice since I didn't know what he knew or how he knew it. Sam was not as dumb as people thought when they first met him. He was smart, witty and a good man at heart. I was going to trust to his goodness and pray. I walked into our home with my heart in my throat, only to find the place empty. Sam was not there and I guessed that the kids were with my parents. Sam must have left them there when he came to Savanna. I went into our bedroom and looked around. Everything was as it should be so I knew he hadn't left me. I breathed a small sigh of relief. I changed into my PJs, fixed a cup of coffee and sat down in the family room and waited. Sam walked in about an hour later. He just stood there and looked at me. As he did, I could feel my face turn red and my breathing become shallow. I remembered what this man did for a living and suddenly realized just how much danger I had exposed Rudy to. I remembered the look on Sam's face in the hotel room and finally understood the control he had exercised not to kill Rudy. He had him down and vulnerable and just slapped him. He could just as easily have ended Rudy's life right then and there. I never considered that he would hurt me: that wasn't Sam. When Sam didn't say anything, I couldn't stand it any more. I began to cry. I hadn't cried this whole night. Not on the way home, not after I had arrived at home and not while I waited for Sam. I broke down and cried. I was sobbing so hard I could hardly catch my breath. During it all, Sam had gone into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. When I recovered enough to look at him, he was sitting in his favorite chair with a cup in his hands. He was just watching me. He waited until I stopped and finally said, "Well, do you feel better now?" He wasn't smiling nor was he sincere. He was simply cold. "I hope you feel better because I don't." Again, he simply watched me, waiting for me to explain myself. Waiting for something that he could accept that would make what I had done understandable. I had nothing to give him. "I don't know what to say or where to start. I know saying I'm sorry is a poor beginning, but I am. I'm sorry for what I did and I'm sorry you had to find out. I wish I had never done it, but it's too late for that. I know you won't believe this, but it really had nothing to do with you and I. It was simply about me. What I wanted and what I did. You and the kids never entered into it. That part was dishonest, dirty and base. You and the kids don't deserve to ever see that part of me. I'm sorry you did." He still didn't speak. "The first time with Rudy was three weeks ago when we went to Savanna. I had too much to drink and Rudy helped me back to the hotel. I had drunk too much wine and it made me behave like a fool. I wanted him to make love to me and I encouraged him. He simply took what I offered. He stayed the night and left the next morning. I had planned to spend the night with him this time but it was to be the last time. I thought that since you didn't know about it, you wouldn't be hurt and I could do it one more time before never seeing him again." By this time, I was exhausted and I just told the story as it happened. No emotion, no feeling and no guilt. It happened and it was over. It was no longer important. What Sam chose to do was all that I cared about. Sam just sat there watching me. I looked at him but couldn't hold his eyes. I hung my head and waited. He would determine where my life would go from here on. "I knew about the first time two weeks after you came back. I won't tell you how I knew but I did. I knew his name, who he was, and what he did. He has quite a reputation if you didn't know. He is married and has three children. They are all younger than Jennie. He makes it a point to seduce women for his collection. You were just one of the cheap thrills he scored." His look was one of scorn and derision. I realized what a fool I had been and understood now that I was just a piece of married ass to Rudy. "I don't suppose you even cared about his wife and his children? You certainly didn't care about me and ours." "I didn't confront you at that time because I wanted to wait and see if I could live with your infidelity. I knew what you had done but I didn't confront you because I had to be sure in my own mind what I could live with. I had almost come to the decision that I could forget and forgive when you suddenly announced your trip to Savanna. I almost lost it when you said that. If you remember, I asked you some questions that suggested I wanted you to not go, but you had answers for all of them. You had decided to betray me and you were going to do it regardless. You had already convinced yourself that I couldn't know about your cheating." "Sunday night when I talked about our family and our marriage and told you that I would never do anything to jeopardize it, do you remember what you said to me? You said 'Of course you could do nothing that would hurt the kids or me, and neither would I.' You said, neither would I. But, you did, didn't you? You fucked away our happy family. You gave it all up for a stupid shit that just wanted a piece of ass. You were so ready to suck his cock and fuck him and for what? For what!" Sam was struggling to stay in control. I had seen him angry before but never like this. I have to admit I was frightened of this side of him. A gentle, peaceful man that was a teddy bear with his children and always gentle with me. This was what I had created: an angry, ticking bomb ready to explode. "I am not going to make any decisions now. I am angry and I know better than to decide anything when I am like this. For the next few days, I ask that you leave me alone and stay out of my way. I think you should call your parents and ask them to take care of the kids for a couple more days. I don't want them around at this time." He paused for a minute and then said, "Maybe you should stay at your parent's place as well?" "I will not hide out with my parents. I want to face this and have it out as soon as you are ready. I did this and I will face whatever is to come. But, I will not leave my home. And before you say anything, this is still my home, at least for now." I was not going to leave my home or my children. He and I could part but not without a fight. "Fine. I'll sleep in the spare bedroom or stay at the base. I don't want to sleep in the same bed with you because I don't share my wife! You already made plans for tonight that didn't include me. You can sleep with your memory of him. I'm sorry I ruined your night of fun and fucking." Sam looked at me with a look of anger that scared me. I had never seen that look in his eyes before. The next week passed with both of us avoiding the other and treading carefully so as not to create tension. I was hopeful since Sam had not left me or made any suggestions that he or I leave. Sam did spend a lot of evenings out of the house and when he came home, he usually went straight to bed. I didn't know what he was doing and I was afraid to ask. Things stayed this way until that Friday, when Sam suggested that we get the children and bring them home. I agreed quickly and went to pick them up. I didn't discuss anything with my parents, as I didn't want them involved. I hoped that having the children at home would make things less tense. Sam asked me to come into the family room that Saturday evening after we had put the kids to bed. He said that we needed to talk and that he felt he was able to do so calmly and rationally. I could only hope. I did realize that we needed to do this. "I have come to some conclusions and made some decisions. Some I can tell you about now and some need to wait for a while to see how things go. If you agree, I think we should take some time together to be alone. We need to do that to see if I can still make love to you as my wife. I can get a cabin at the lake for a few days if that's OK." "That's wonderful news. Yes, I agree that we need some time alone and I want you back in my bed where you belong. I am your wife and nothing has happened to change that. I know you see it differently, but I am still here. I love you and have never stopped loving you." I was suddenly hopeful that we could get past this and get our life back. Inwardly, I smiled for the first time in a long time, "We'll see. We can leave Sunday night and stay a couple of days. I have time off, if you can take time as well? I don't want to wait." "I don't care what they say, I'll take the time anyway. I'll call in tonight and leave word that I have an emergency and will be out for a week. We can leave anytime." We made arrangements with my mom to take the kids and she agreed, suspecting that we had problems that needed time to work out. The kids were cool since they loved staying with the grandparents. They spoiled them rotten! We packed some things and left just after dinner on Sunday. We were at the cabin in just over an hour and were able to catch some time in the sun before it set. It had started as a pleasant outing and I hoped it would continue that way. "Let's go in and do some talking. We need to start sometime and I suppose this is as good a time as any. Are you OK with that?" Sam seemed to be in an agreeable mood as he suggested this. "It's fine with me. I'm not looking forward to this, but I know it has to be done. I can only tell you what I know and feel. I hope you can hear the truth and still be calm." "I promise to stay calm and controlled. If I didn't think I could do that, I wouldn't have come and I wouldn't have suggested this." We took the stuff in, hung up our clothes and got everything ready in the cabin. We both got settled, a beer for Sam and a coffee for me. I sat on the couch and Sam sat on the floor in front of the now dark fireplace. He started. "The first thing I want to know is why? Why did you feel it was OK to cheat on our children and me? I remember the vows we took when we were married and I don't remember any that said 'forsaking all others most of the time'." Sam looked at me calmly. "I can't tell you why. I think it started because I thought he was very good-looking and very charismatic and then I had too much to drink and things just got out of hand. I also believe that he was making sure that things went the way they did. I wasn't sober enough to stop it." I wasn't sure that this was really why but it was the only answer I had. "So, your answer is that you were drunk and he took advantage?" "No, that's not what I meant. I mean he made sure that I needed his help to my room so that he was there and my inhibitions were down and, you know." "No, I don't know. I have been drunk many times and I don't remember a single time I took another woman to bed with me. I still don't know why you did." He was still very calm just as he promised. "Sam, I just don't know what happened. I didn't mean for it to happen and I don't know why I did it. I certainly didn't plan for it to happen. I still think he took advantage of me." I was rattled and had no sure answer. This was not going well. "I'm sorry, but I remember you spending the entire night with that guy and I can't believe you were drunk the whole time. I also believe that you were either fucking him or about to fuck him the second time before I interrupted you. I also believe you drove 250 miles just to be with him and to have one more time, as I believe you put it. How does that square with your explanation?" Sam now had a small frown on his face. "I can't answer you. I just don't know why. I remember thinking that it was fun, probably because it was wrong and that you would never find out so it's like it never happened. I would come home and never see him again and you would never know and we would be OK again!" I was now in full panic mode. I was losing this fight to save my marriage. "Since it was OK because I didn't know about it, was this the first time you cheated on me?" That one caught me by surprise, but I should have been expecting it. Unfortunately, my hesitation was all he needed. "Well, that certainly answers that question. Makes me wonder if the girls are even mine." I couldn't let him think that! It wasn't true and I knew that without doubt! "Sam, think what you want about me, but Melissa and Jennie are yours. I would never do something like that. Anyway, you make it sound like I am a cheat and a slut." "That's exactly what you are, but let's forget that for the time being. It's clear that you are confused. Let me ask you another question if it's OK. Did you ever think of our two girls or of me when he was fucking you? Did you remember our wedding vows as you sucked his cock? When you yelled his name during an orgasm, did you ever once think of our life together? How about the others? Was it the same with them?" He still appeared calm outside, but his questions were pure anger and hatred. I didn't even try to answer. I just hung my head and began to quietly sob. "Why don't you just tell me in your own words why you did what you did?" Sam watched me sob with no expression on his face. If I expected any sympathy from him, it was not going to happen. "All I can tell you is that I was impressed with him when I first met him. During the time we spent in the meeting, he was smart, self-assured and treated me as an equal. He complimented me on my business knowledge and he treated me with dignity. He was very good looking and his voice was mesmerizing. I guess the whole package was very tempting. That was not the problem. We went to dinner and we started drinking wine. I now remember that my glass was always full and Rudy seemed to be filling it every time I looked. He sat beside me and touched me all during the evening. I got used to his touch and didn't think much about it if it got a little personal." "As the evening went on, we had more wine and I began to focus more and more on Rudy to the exclusion of every body else. When I noticed that we were the last two there, I was pretty wasted. We had finished three bottles of wine, the last one just between the two of us. I don't remember Rudy drinking at all. I had to take a cab to get back to the hotel so Rudy volunteered to call the cab and to see me back to the hotel. He said that I needed his help and I agreed." "Once we were in the hotel, he went to my room with me and helped me to the bed. I was dizzy and very sick and he got a wet washcloth and held it against my forehead. I remember it felt so good and I held his hand, the one with the washcloth. After that, we began to touch and he ended up with his mouth between my legs. After that, it was pure lust. I really don't want to go into specifics, just that we had sex several times. I remember it feeling wonderful. Trite but true: it was just pure, raw sex. We fucked, we didn't make love." I looked at Sam setting there and knew this had to hurt him. It hurt me to tell him about it and I was almost sick to my stomach as I recounted that evening. I was being honest about my feelings and how it came about. The hard part was now coming; why I chose to do it again. "This is the hard part. I left vowing that I would never cheat on you again. I got home and guilt plagued me for the first week. I think now that I was waiting for you to see in my eyes what I had done. When you didn't, I thought that everything was going to be OK and that we were fine. Nothing was going to happen. Since everything was OK, I began to remember the pleasure that I experienced and wondered if I could do it again without you knowing anything. I thought, just once more and then never again." "I didn't pick up on the questions you were asking me about going to Savanna and I didn't connect your behavior the week before. I guess I believed your story about the base closing and you worrying about your classes. I was so wrapped up in my betrayal that I ignored all of the signs that said you knew." I had pretty much run out of steam but I think I had covered it all. "That's it. That's what happened and that's why I did what I did or at least that's what I think. There were no 'others', there was just one other time and it was much like this time with Rudy except that I didn't sleep with him and we only did it once in an empty conference room. I was also drinking at the time and it was just after I had started back to work after Melissa was born. I felt like a dowdy mother and this guy flattered me." I was done. I was exhausted and I was frightened. "Well, that's quite a story. I guess it's as accurate as you can be. I do believe your version of how it happened and it is as painful to hear as I expected it to be. But it's out now and we have to face it." Amazingly, Sam was not angry or sad or anything. He was simply stating the facts and he let it go at that. He got up, asked me if I wanted another coffee and went to get a second beer. Sam came back into the room, but this time he came to the couch where I was sitting and sat beside me. He put his arm around me and pulled me to his chest. I went willingly and just enjoyed the scent of him and feel of his strong arms and his hard chest. I began to relax when I felt his hand move to my side and then to my breast. I didn't move, and I hardly dared breathe. He hadn't touched me since the Sunday before I went to Savanna the second time. Sam cupped my breast and began to touch and kneed it through my sweater. I tentatively let my hand drop to his thigh and began to rub softly. He made no effort to stop me so I moved my hand to his groin and felt his erection. I was so happy that a sob escaped me and I squeezed him in joy. "Please make love to me Sam. I want you so much and I need to show you how much I love you. Please, Sam." I wanted this chance to show my love and to make him forget how much I had hurt him. This was all I knew to do to make up for what I had done. Rules of Marriage Ch. 02 Without a word, Sam picked me up and carried me to the bed. He put me down and began to remove his clothes. I did the same and laid back waiting for him to enter me. Instead, he moved between my legs and began to pleasure me with his tongue and fingers. I tried to pull him up on top of me, but he simply remained there. He drove me mad with pleasure and continued through two orgasms. I was writing and screaming and still he continued. I finally grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up on top of me. "Take me, now! I need to feel you inside me. I want to feel you fill me with your seed. Make me yours!" I held on to him with all my strength and felt him push against my sex. He entered in one swift stroke, causing my breath to leave in a loud groan. I was in heaven as he drove into me with passion and with what no doubt was a lot of anger. I didn't care. Sam was making love to me and that's all I wanted. He continued pounding me in silence until I felt him tense up. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him tight to me. He pushed once more, going as deep as he could and then I felt his cock pulse as he dumped his sperm deep inside me. He finally collapsed on top of me and I just held him as he came back down. "I love you Sam. I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you. What we just did is love. What I am guilty of doing with that other man is nothing. There is no comparison. You have to find a way to forgive me." Maybe I should just let it be but I had to make him see what we shared. It was too wonderful to lose. "I'm trying and I do love you. I hope it will be enough." Sam rolled over but made no attempt to get up. "In the meantime, why don't we see what else we can do to pass the time?" His grin was enough to get me excited again and we made love several times that evening. We did things that we had talked about but this night we tried them all. I began to feel that there was a good chance we would make it, but Sam was still holding something back from me. I could feel it as we made love. Something was coming and I hoped it was not bad news. Rules of Marriage Ch. 03 Sam rolled off me and sat up on the side of the bed. "I'm gonna take a shower. Want to join me?" He looked back at me lying there exhausted and sweaty. We had just finished another solid hour of lovemaking and it had been great. "Thanks but no thanks. I need to stay here and recover. You wore me out and I'm going to be sore later. I'm not complaining, mind you." I got up to put on a robe, but I was too tired to get dressed. I lay back down to try to get my breath back. Sam came out of the bathroom sometime later and sat down on the couch in the open room. I was still lying on the bed dressed only in my robe. I thought maybe we could have another round of that fabulous love that I had missed so much. "Could you come here and sit with me? There are some things that I need to tell you." Sam had come out of the shower dressed in traveling clothes. Since we had no plans to go anywhere or do anything, I was confused. "What's up? Why are you dressed that way?" I was beginning to become worried. "I want to tell you about the rest of the decisions I have made. I told you I had made several but I wanted to wait? First, I resigned my job at the Marine Air base effective last Friday. I also cancelled all of my private classes." "But why would you do that? You love working with those young pilots and you wouldn't just up and quit!" This was getting more and more strange. "Well, as you always said, it really wasn't a job, it was a hobby. Isn't that what you told me? You and your dad always wanted me to get a 'real job'? Well, I did. I called Josh Miller about a job in his personal security firm and we agreed on a package deal. In exchange for a commitment on my part for one year in various locations teaching hand-to-hand and defensive combat to his personnel, he offered me an excellent salary package. Better than I was making both at the base and in my private lessons. That should make you and your dad very happy. I leave tonight." Sam hit me with this without any warning. "Why would that make me happy? How can you quit a job that you love? What do you mean you're leaving tonight, and what about the girls and me? Where will you be when you say various locations?" The anger came first, followed by dread. What was he telling me? "I'll be in Europe and Asia. I'll spend about 3-4 months in each location teaching. I hope to get some time back during some of the holidays, but that's up in the air. I booked a flight out tonight on a military plane to Germany and I plan to be on it." He looked very different now than he did just an hour ago. We had made love to each other an hour ago and I was thinking about our future. Now that future was in jeopardy. "I tried very hard to put what you did in the past and tried to find a way to move on. I kept coming back to the things that you told me about your affair with that man, and that left me with the feeling that I could no longer trust you. A marriage with love but no trust is not something I can live with. I need time to resolve my feelings. I need this year just to see if I can allow myself to begin to trust you again. And I need for you to examine your own feelings to see if you really want this marriage to continue." I had to respond to that. "Of course I want this marriage. I love you and I have tried to show you how much. I don't know what you mean when you say you can't trust me. I made a mistake and I told you everything I can about why. I'll never do it again and I will regret it for the rest of my life. Our children come first. How can you give up on them and on us without a fight?" My composure was gone and tears were coursing down my cheeks. From making love to this. How had it happened so quickly? "I told you there were several things. First, I can accept that you had too much to drink, your inhibitions were down, and he did everything to seduce you. OK. That part was a mistake, maybe. Problem is why did you stay with him all night? Once you sobered up, why did you continue? It's clear to me that you were doing it because you wanted to and to hell with me." "Second, after you cheated on me with this guy and the first one and came home to face me, what was it that allowed you to justify it in your own mind? What allowed you to do it again? You broke our wedding vows, not once but at least three times. You did not honor our marriage or me and you gave yourself to other men." "Finally, since you planned to do it again when there was no wine or seduction, the justification for that leaves me wondering what you would do in a similar situation if it presented itself. Since you have no clear reason for why you did it in the first place, there is no guarantee that you wouldn't do it again." "Please Sam, don't do this. We were so close to working this out. You made beautiful love to me tonight, and I know you still love me. If you love the girls and me, why can't you stay and work this out? Don't the girls mean anything to you?" Desperation made me say that just before I realized what he would say. "I don't remember the girls being a part of your thinking while you planned your infidelity. You didn't think of them while you were fucking your lover. And what was different about what you did with me and with him? Didn't you fuck him? Didn't you suck his cock? Didn't he eat you out? What's different? The fact that you love me? So what? What did that buy me that he didn't get?" Sam was still angry and cold but now it was coming out. He had just let it slide for the past three weeks. His anger had never been displaced. "I'm going to give you what you want. For the next year, you will be here alone. I will not have anyone spy on you, check up on your behavior, or give me reports on what you do or where you go. You cheated on me and told me that it was OK because I would never know and I wouldn't be hurt. For the next year, you can do as you please, fuck whom you want, do whatever you want with whomever you want and I'll never know so I won't be hurt. We will still be married but that hasn't stopped you before. " He spoke these words so coldly it frightened me. "That's what you think marriage is about. It's OK for you to do whatever you want so long as I don't find out about it. You decide what you want to do and what you think is OK in a marriage. The rules are yours to make. I take myself out of your way. I have spoken with an attorney and you will have a deposit each month in the checking account equivalent to what I was depositing. You can use that for child support and I guess your parents could set for you so you could be free to go out with your lovers. I would rather you not bring them to the house, but since I won't know, you can really do as you please." "While I am gone, I intend to live by your rules of marriage. I will do whatever I believe is OK since you won't know what I am doing. So whatever I do should be all right with you. When I return, if I find that I can live with what you have done, we will determine where we go with our marriage. By that time you should have decided what marriage means to you and what the rules are. But if I live by your rules for the next year, I may discover someone else and our marriage will be over." "If you continue to believe that it's OK to do anything you want so long as it's kept secret, we have no marriage. The fact that you believe that gives me serious doubt about any future we could have. But, if at any time while I am gone you want a divorce, just contact my attorney. He'll give you what you need to proceed. I have already signed the necessary papers. You will only have to file them." Sam seemed to be finished and he sat back and waited for my response. "It seems that you have made up your mind about me and what I want. Well, you are wrong and it seems that you are so angry that all you want to do is punish me. Fine, I deserve anything that you do to me. I don't think our daughters deserve to be without their father for a year or more." If I could appeal to his love for our girls, maybe. "I thought about that but came to the conclusion that pain of separation now knowing that I am coming back is probably less than they will have if we split up later. This year is a long shot, but it's a shot. If I had to decide right now, I would file for divorce. After a year, I may feel differently. No guarantees. You have always been a wonderful mother so I have no problem leaving them with you. However, if you continue to behave as you have, I will fight for full custody when I return." He waited for another attempt to talk him out of this. "Can't you accept the fact that I made a mistake and won't do it again?" Desperation. "I could accept that you made a mistake the first time, but there was more than one time. I have no trust in your claim that you won't do it again. I didn't think you could ever do it in the first place, but you did and you did it again. The fact that this last time you remained with him all night even after, in your own words, you realized that you had made a mistake, and the fact that you fully intended to do it again tells me that you never felt it was wrong." "This is why I need the time away. You can't even give me a straight story about what you did and why you did it. You are unwilling to accept responsibility for your own actions. If you can't be honest with yourself and if you continue to try to make me believe something that even you don't believe, how can I ever trust you again?" With that, Sam got up and walked back into the bathroom. He came out carrying a small overnight bag. "I'll have the rest picked up at the house and delivered. I'll let them know where. If you need to contact me, call my attorney. He'll know how to reach me. I don't want any direct contact with you from now on. I'll have letters and cards for the girls delivered through Josh." "Think hard for the next year as to what it is you expect me to accept from you. I can't share you, I can't excuse betrayal and I won't stay with someone who believes I could. Part of our future is up to you. If those things are too much for you to give up, then we are through. I will know if you are telling me the truth when I return, so for once in our marriage, you had better plan to be honest." With those words, Sam walked out of my life. True to his words, I didn't see him for the next year. He did contact the girls and send presents on holidays and their birthdays when they were with my parents, but he never contacted me. I thought he would at least call or send a card on our anniversary, but nothing came. After Sam left me, I remained in the cabin for the next two days. I needed the time to think of what I was going to do. I was not in any shape to face my parents and I had the rest of the week off, so I just went back over our life together and tried to find the truth in what Sam had said of me. What I had to admit was that he was right that I believed as long as I kept the truth from him, there was no harm to him or our marriage. In fact, Rudy was not the first time I had betrayed our marriage and Sam. The first time was just after Melissa was born. Sam and I had just begun to resume lovemaking but I was not yet feeling feminine and desirable. I felt like a mom! In this mood, I had gone to a kickoff dinner related to my job with three clients from Columbia, SC. We had sponsored a concert with them for disadvantaged children that had made a lot of money. We were celebrating and it got quite rowdy. One of the clients was a young man, probably 6 or 7 years younger than me and he had been coming on to me all evening. He was careful not to be too obvious to his companions, but it was clear to me. I was responding because he made me feel exactly how I wanted to feel: sexy! Towards the end of the evening, I got up to go to the ladies room and found him waiting in the hall when I came out. He didn't say a word but he took my hand and pulled me around the corner into an open conference room. I have to admit that I went willingly. At that time of night, no one was around and it was dark inside the room. He pushed me back against one of the walls and smothered any sound I might have made by pressing his mouth to mine. His kiss made my knees weak and I felt the stirrings of desire. He pulled my blouse loose from my skirt and slid his hand up under my bra to cup my breast. His hand rubbed my nipple and I felt it grow erect. I didn't resist and it felt wonderful. I dropped my hand down between his legs and grabbed his erection through his pants. It felt to be a good size and I wanted it in my hand. With my other hand, I undid his zipper and reached in to take him out. It was hot, and big and hard. It was magnificent. I groaned into his mouth and then dropped to my knees on the carpeted floor and took him in my mouth. I tasted a drop of pre cum and it was enough to make me want more. He let me work his cock until it was as hard as iron and then he reached down to pull me back up. He lifted my skirt to my waist and pulled aside my panties. I raised one leg and hooked it to his waist to make entry easier. He put one hand on my hand, the one still holding his cock, and had me guide him into my wetness. He entered me in one swift plunge and it took my breath away. I put my arms around his neck to pull him tighter. He fucked me hard that way for about 5 minutes while we kept our mouths together to avoid making any noise. He was stroking into me powerfully, slamming me against the wall until he suddenly tensed and stopped, buried as deep as he could inside me. I felt him shoot his seed deep into my womb. One, two, three powerful spurts and then he relaxed. I came at the same time. I held him against me until I finally sagged. I lowered my leg and he backed out of me. I squeezed my legs together and, avoiding looking at him or saying anything to him, dropped my skirt and tucked my blouse back in and went to the door. I saw no one so I left and reentered the restroom to clean myself out. I left the party soon after without talking to him, and went home to face my husband. I went through a week of hell, but decided not to tell him and to try to live with what I had done. I did and never thought of it again until now. I realized that what happened then and what happened with Rudy was too similar to ignore. Both times were with someone I had just met. Both times were after drinking at a party and both times were a betrayal of my marriage vows. There was no way to justify what I had done and no way to argue that Sam was wrong when he said that I felt that if he didn't know, somehow it was all right. I knew that I had a very distorted view of what my marriage meant to me. I needed help. I finally decided to go back home to my empty house. I already felt the loss of my husband, my best friend and confidant. Having my children back would help some but they could not fill my empty bed and my lonely evenings. I decided that I had to have them with me so I made plans to pick them up first thing the next morning. I wanted one more night alone with my thoughts. It was Friday when I called mom to tell her I was coming over to pick up the kids. She said she would get them ready to go but wanted to talk with me for a while. I knew that she suspected what had happened and I wasn't sure I was ready for her. I had to deal with it sooner or later so I might as well get it over with. I left for her place with a heavy heart. "Hi, mom. Where are the kids?" Mom was in the kitchen as usual baking and cooking. I didn't know how she and dad kept so slim. Neither one ever seemed to gain weight in spite of the wonderful food always available. "They're with your father on a trip to the grocery store. I sent him off when I knew you were coming. I want to talk with you about things." She had it planned as usual and was in charge. "I suppose you know that Sam left me?" I might as well get to it. "Yes, I know. He called your dad and I Monday afternoon. Told me he had a new job and was going to be gone for some time. Didn't say much more to me except that you would probably need my help with the kids. He did come by and talk with dad though. Don't know what all he told him." She wiped her hands on the towel she always kept tucked into her apron. "He left because of you, didn't he?" "I betrayed him mom. I slept with a man I met in Savanna and then made it worse by planning to do it again. Somehow, Sam found out about the time in Savanna and then figured out that I had plans when I told him I had to go back. He actually caught me naked in a hotel room with another man." It helped to be able to share it with someone that wouldn't judge me. "What made Sam mad was my attitude that if he didn't know about it, it couldn't hurt him and it was OK." I was able to tell her the whole thing and it felt good. "He said that I had to figure out what I expected from a marriage and that he couldn't accept my idea of no harm, no foul." As I told mom what Sam had told me, I began to realize just how stupid I had been and how callous my idea of fidelity was. Sam was right! "I have to tell you girl that your man is absolutely right and that you have a twisted idea of what marriage is all about. I don't know where you got that idea. It certainly wasn't from me. I understand what my marriage vows mean and I honor your father. There is no two ways about that. It either is or it isn't!" "But I love Sam with all my heart and my marriage is the most important thing in the world to me. How can you think otherwise?" If mom thought this about me I was lost. She had to understand. "I would do anything to keep Sam. He didn't give me a chance and he didn't try to fight for us. He just left me. He may have been right about my cheating but he didn't give me a chance to explain." "Explain what? That you slept with another man and that you were going to do it again? Let me ask you what you could say to make it right?" She looked directly at me as she said this. The look on her face was the one I used to see when I had done something wrong and she was about to lay into me. "I don't know of any reason in the world that you can say gave you the right to betray your man. If you have one, let me hear it right now!" "I didn't say it was right, I just wanted to say why I did it." She must listen. "If it's wrong to do, it makes no difference why you did it." She was relentless. "But, I had too much to drink and he was trying to seduce me. That's why it happened." "That's bull and you know it. A married woman doesn't get drunk with another man and she doesn't put herself in another man's hands when she can't think straight. You did both, so I don't want to hear that as an excuse." "Mom, I'm all screwed up! I know I was wrong but I don't know why I did it. You are right, I keep trying to find an excuse that I can live with but I can't. I was wrong and my husband left me. He was right about me. This wasn't the first time, even though he didn't know that. I want things I shouldn't and I don't want him to find out because he would stop me." As I said it, I realized that it was the truth. I didn't want to be stopped from doing the things I did. I wanted what I wanted and I didn't want Sam in the way. "Finally, you admit it. You were selfish and your marriage was the price you paid for it. Now you have to decide what you want to do from here on in. I can tell you this girl, if you want the same things he wants, then you have to expect the same things from yourself as you expect from him." She paused a minute and then asked, "Would it be OK with you if Sam came home and told you he had found a new love?" "I would die! I don't want Sam to leave me for someone else. I love him and our life together. Why would I want him to find someone else to share his life with?" I had no idea where she was going with this. Rules of Marriage Ch. 03 "Well, what did you expect Sam to say or do when he found you with a new love?" "I don't love Rudy and I didn't love the first man. They were just there at a time when I was stupid." This was insane. I didn't love these guys. I loved Sam! "How was Sam supposed to know that you didn't love this Rudy character? You spent the night with him and made plans to do it again. What was Sam supposed to think?" She drilled into me. "Are you so stupid that you think your husband can just ignore your sleeping with other men? He is a man and he feels that he has somehow failed you and he feels that he was inadequate." She was shaking her head as she used to do when I messed up as a child. "Sam was never inadequate. I was always happy with him and with our love life. He can't believe that." "Why not? What did you give him to make him see that? Were you faithful as you promised? Did you hold yourself only for him? Did no other man ever share what you promised only to him? You betrayed his love and his trust and you have maybe lost them both." Mom was making me see things I didn't want to see. It was hard and cruel and honest. I had done everything she said. I had hurt the one I loved and I had done it more than once. If he left me, I had only myself to blame. At his point, I had no idea of what I could do to make things right again. "I don't know what to do? I really screwed up and I don't know how to make it right. I can't even talk to Sam since he won't let me know how to get in touch with him." I was finally beginning to understand. Too late. "Maybe dad will have some ideas. Maybe Sam talked to him before he left. Dad would know what to do." Dad would certainly help me. He had always been my rock. Mom looked at me sadly. "If I were you, I wouldn't count on your dad too much. Sam did stop and he and your dad had a long conversation. I can only tell you that Harry is very upset with you and he made it clear that he still loves you but doesn't want you around here any more than necessary. He blames you for taking their father away from those girls." That was the final blow. My own father was turning his back on me. I had lost everything! Sam had walked out on me and dad didn't want to have anything to do with me. I felt myself falling and mom grabbing me. I slipped into a deep, dark quiet place and everything just faded away, all my worries and all my guilt. Blessed peace. This quite place was very nice. It had no pain, no sorrow, no guilt and no worry about tomorrow. I could stay here forever. But, I became aware of light, irritating light, coming from somewhere. I tried to ignore it but it wouldn't go away. I wondered what I was doing and where I was but it seemed like too much work, so I forgot about it all for a while and just drifted. But eventually the light came again. I could hear people talking and someone spoke to me about something but it just didn't seem important. I just wanted to go back to that pleasant dark place I had come from. I slowly drifted away again and into forgetfulness. "Mrs. Simons? Can you hear me? Mrs. Simons, please open your eyes. I know you can hear me. Come on, now. It's been two days. You have to wake up." This voice was annoying and I wanted it to go away, but it wouldn't. I finally opened my eyes and immediately closed them again against the bright light. "Good, good, now you are awake. I'll get the doctor and he can come talk to you. I'll pull the blinds so the light isn't so bright." With that the irritating voice went away and the light seemed a little less intense. I knew that it was a mistake, but I opened my eyes carefully to see a white room filled with institutional furniture and a bed with railings. I was in a hospital! After a few minutes, I saw a man wearing a white jacket with the traditional stethoscope around his neck enter the room. He came over to the bed and smiled down at me. "Welcome back to the land of the living. My name is Doctor Carlson and you had a major physical and psychological breakdown. I believe it was a combination of fatigue, worry and some type of shock to your system that caused it. You are going to be fine but you need to see someone professionally to get to the root cause of your obvious depression. If you don't this will happen again. I can arrange a consult if you would like." His smile was reassuring but his words made no sense. I couldn't remember what happened but I couldn't have had a nervous breakdown. "Where's Sam? Where's my husband?" I wanted to see Sam and have him tell me what... Suddenly, I remembered and I began to shake! The tears started to flow and I felt hot and dizzy! I heard a moan and realized that it was mine. The doctor's smile disappeared and he called for the nurse. He had her give me an injection of something and I slowly stopped shaking and began to feel sleepy and relaxed. He stayed till I dropped back to sleep. As I drifted off, I heard him talking to someone. "Whatever her problem is, it hasn't disappeared. Get Psych down here as soon as possible. She'll sleep for about 4 hours but after that, she needs to see someone. Is there family waiting for her?" "Yes, doctor. Her mother is outside waiting to come in. I haven't seen a husband or anyone else." No Sam? That I understood but I didn't seem to care much just now. "Fine. I'll talk with the mother to see if I can find out what the problem is." I spent a week in that stupid hospital while they put me on some type of medicine. They said they had to regulate the dosage so that I could function. I could function OK. I just didn't want to. My life was a wreck and the two most important men in my life had both deserted me. Maybe for good reason, but they were still gone. How was I supposed to function through that? I did have the kids and that was important enough to get me moving again. I talked with mom daily and got the reports that the kids were fine but were worried about me. I called them the first chance I got and told them I would be home very soon. I made arrangements to begin therapy and checked myself out. Mom agreed to come over and help me till I was back to normal. I had taken a leave at work and they were OK if it didn't last too long. I don't want to go into detail about the next several months, just that I did go to therapy and I did return to work. The girls and I are doing OK and I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want from life. I did learn from my shrink that my problem stemmed from a lack of respect for Sam. It was actually very simple. Sam was the one that mentioned it to me the night he left. I just didn't understand it at the time, although it's now certain that he did. I loved Sam from the moment I met him. I dated him for some time before we began to talk of marriage. Sam was doing the same thing at the time; teaching self-defense for the military. I never took that job seriously and talked to Sam about it, but he loved it and was making a decent living doing it. Since I loved him, I accepted what he did. I had a good job and was making quite a bit more than Sam, and when we talked about marriage, I knew that our combined salary was more than sufficient. It is interesting to note that while mom loved Sam from the start, dad never took to him because he didn't think Sam could support a family doing what he did. Dad called it 'damn foolish' and thought Sam should get a decent job. They finally came to like each other, but dad still thought Sam was not living up to his potential. Yet dad was the first to condemn me when Sam left. As if dad didn't play a part. He understands it now! Put it all together: Sam made less money than I did; I never took his job seriously and considered it macho baloney; I knew that dad thought he was beneath me and Sam never considered a better job. It all boiled down to a subconscious lack of respect. In the back of my mind, I always put Sam second to my needs. When Rudy came on to me, I saw a hard working, successful man doing the type of work I considered important. The same with the young man from South Carolina: Successful and doing what I loved to do. When I thought about what I did and thought about Sam, the lack of respect made me devalue his feelings and let me disregard him. Bingo! My shrink, a woman, told me that I had to make a choice. Since my feelings for Sam were rooted in a lack of respect for him, I had to decide if I could stay with him and still remain faithful. Would that lack of respect destroy our marriage if I couldn't cope with it? She said it was going to be hard to do that. She gave me an alternative to think about: was my lack of respect for Sam and what he did valid? Didn't Sam love what he was doing? Did I love Sam enough to want him to be happy or did I simply want him to be successful by my terms? And didn't I finally tell him that I accepted his vocation? Wasn't that decided before we got married? If Sam was happy doing what he did and I loved him, why did I not respect that? Good question and one I had no answer for. The more I thought about it though, the more I began to see that Sam happy was what I valued more than how much money he made. Sam made me happy and made our girls happy and without him we were less. How could I not respect that? More and more, I began to review our marriage and my love for him. I realized that my betrayal was rooted in a selfish desire to please myself, and a callous disregard for Sam and my life with him. There was no honor in what I had done. Sam deserved more from me and I failed to give it to him. That, of course, led to another bout of depression, but at least we knew why I was depressed and with my shrink's help, I got over it. That was where I was 6 months ago. I have come to terms with myself and what I now know is important to me and to my life with Sam and the girls. Sam is due home next week. He called mom and told her that he would be landing in Atlanta on December 17, exactly one year to the day he left, and wanted to see the girls. He had made arrangements for an apartment and he was having his belongings sent there. Mom called to let me know and we decided that I would be the one to take the girls to the airport to see their father. He never requested that I be there, but that was not going to stop me. As I stand here with my girls waiting for Sam to come through the doorway, I fear that he isn't ready to see or talk to me, but I want to talk to him. I am ready to answer the questions he posed to me the night he left and I am determined to make sure he knows it. If nothing else, he will hear that. I know what I want from my marriage. I want Sam back and I want our marriage back but with some big changes. I will be the one working to earn trust and respect from my husband, not the other way around! The lack of respect that I had for him is gone, replaced with a knowledge that I was the one that did not respect my marriage and myself. The ground rules are very simple and always were, even though I didn't recognize them: honor my husband and my children and put caring for them instead of myself first before anything else. Finally, do nothing that would dishonor my marriage. I dishonored it and I have a price to pay for that. I am ready to make payment if Sam will only allow me to. The girls see Sam and run to meet him. He smiles at them, takes them into his arms and looks up to see me waiting. Rules of Marriage Ch. 04 Thanks to thecelt. From Rules of Marriage CH 3 I know what I want from my marriage. I want Sam back and I want our marriage back but with some big changes. I will be the one working to earn trust and respect from my husband, not the other way around! The lack of respect that I had for him is gone, replaced with a knowledge that I was the one that did not respect my marriage and myself. The ground rules are very simple and always were, even though I didn't recognize them: honor my husband and my children and put caring for them instead of myself first before anything else. Finally, do nothing that would dishonor my marriage. I dishonored it and I have a price to pay for that. I am ready to make payment if Sam will only allow me to. The girls see Sam and run to meet him. He smiles at them, takes them into his arms and looks up to see me waiting. Now we start CH 4 Sam just stares at me until I want to cry. The Girls turn and look at me. "Mommy come here its Daddy." I start walking to them. My heart has fallen between my feet. I don't know what to do. Sam obviously didn't want to see me now. The girls are trying to hug their daddy but Sam is just standing there not even noticing them. I get angry. "Sam your daughter have been waiting all year just to see you. Cmon give em a hug." I start to cry. I know I don't want to cry but I'm in agony here. Sam better at least treat his daughters with respect. I keep on walking but I can't see the walkway through my tears. I bump into the wall and start to fall. The girls have been looking at me. They yell, "Mommy, you alright. Don't fall. We come get you." I lean against the wall. I suddenly no longer have the energy to walk the rest of the way to them. Suddenly the girls are standing around me. They are tugging me forward. They want me to meet their daddy. I scrunch up my face and rub my eyes with my free hand. I don't want Sam to see that I've been crying. I may not have much left but I can stand straight for my girls and myself. While I have been communing with the wall, Sam has walked down to us and grabs me and holds me close. "I will help mommy girls you walk to the baggage carousel and look for daddy's bags. Don't pick them up yet, but find them so Daddy doesn't have to look hard for them." The girls run down the way to the baggage pick up. Sam stands me up and pushes me back against the wall. "What are you doing here? If you feeling sick or something, why did you risk driving the girls to the airport?" This made me angrier than I had been about his seeming ignorance of the girls. "I'm not sick or something! Yeah I'm sad that you obviously don't want me in your life, but please don't take it out on the girls. When are you going to divorce me?" "Whoa here, I'm not asking for a divorce. I still want you in my life. Why do you say that I don't want you and I want a divorce?" "Well, your angry stare at me." "Kirsten, I'm dead on my feet I've been awake for fifty hours straight and I'm about to collapse, but I wouldn't have come home just to get a divorce. I could have done that without coming home at all. I do want to work out with you to see if we can stay married and live with each other." This so shocked me that I started to hug and molest Sam right in the walkway. "Look Kirsten I said I wanted to work this out, not go on a second honeymoon. I think I want to be with you and the girls but we still have some unresolved issues here. I don't know if I should stay with you. I don't want to get your hopes up if we cant work it out but." "Sam, I need you. If I can only have for a few more days that is still better than never having you at all. Lets find the girls before they drag your bag through the Hartfield looking for both of us." We picked his bags up. The girls waited with him while I got the car out of the lot and drove to the pickup area. My feelings were in a jumble. I didn't know whether to be happy sad or settle somewhere in the middle. We drove home. We put the girls to bed. Sam was exhausted. He showered and went to bed in the master bedroom. I wanted so much to lie beside him and cuddle, but I was afraid to disturb him. I sat there in the bedroom chair just looking at him. Sam turned his head and spoke, "Kirsten, come to bed please I have slept alone for along time now. I'd like to see if I could get used to sleeping with somebody again." I wasn't too happy to be called a somebody, but I had truly missed all that cuddling. I crawled in bed beside him, and tried to lie very still. Sam pulled me over and held me till he fell asleep. The next morning we had breakfast, and then the girls went outside to play. "Kirsten, now that we have some privacy we need to discuss where we are and where we are going." "Well what do want to discuss first." "Have you found out why you were unfaithful to me?" "You don't start with the easy ones do you. Please listen to all of this before you make comments. My Psychologist and I worked out that I didn't respect you." "You think." "You need to let me finish if there is any hope." "OK I will listen to all of it before making any more judgments." "Well as I was saying, We worked out that I did not respect you because you were not working in the same area as I worked in and that you weren't making as much money as I was, I want you to know that is not how I feel any longer but that is how I felt then." "Why did you sleep with them?" "They were hard working successful people who worked in my career and made successful money. I was into respecting that at the time." "What makes you think that things will be better this time?" "A. I have changed what I respect. I know that it was much better for the girls and I to have you at home always able to care for us in an emergency and doing what satisfied you. B. I will work for the rest of my days to care for you and the girls and I will never again put my wants ahead of the family's needs." "What should I do if you fail again?" I really sweated this one, but I knew that only the truth would serve here. A hard truth would be better than a sweet lie. "Sam if I stray again you would need to take the children and leave because none of my treatments have cured me of my willfulness, but I know that I need to expect the same from you. I know that isn't fair given that I have strayed but any affairs on your part would be just as hard on the family no matter who strays." "Kirsten, if you hadn't included the last statement, I would have thought you were lying. Let try until we fail." I jumped over to him and started hugging and kissing Sam. Ten years later. Sam and I are in the emergency room. One of our daughters has had a serious automobile accident. I don't know how I could ever get through these emergencies without Sam to help me and hold me. Sam is my rock. He gave me quite a scare last year when the doctors thought he had prostate cancer. I begged him to lose the prostate not his life. Fortunately for me, he didn't lose either. Rules of Marriage Ch. 04 For those of you who requested the conclusion, here it is. I believe half of you will be pleased and half will be disappointed, which is why I didn't finish it the first time. But the response was overwhelming to the story so this is my conclusion. I hope you enjoy it. The girls see Sam and run to meet him. He smiles at them, takes them into his arms and looks up to see me waiting. End of Part 3 Sam looks around apparently searching for my mother but doesn't see her. He glances back at me and then gives his full attention to Melissa and Jennie. I was not encouraged by the lack of welcome in his glance. As I stand there watching Sam with the girls, I fear that he isn't ready to see or talk to me. I need to talk to him, however, to make sure that he is still willing to continue with our marriage. When he left, he made it clear that I had broken the rules of marriage and that he no longer believed that I even knew what those rules were. He pointed that out to me and so did my mother. When I came to realize that I had completely betrayed all of the vows that I had made to Sam and to God, I had a breakdown, complicated by rejection by my dad who believed I had cost my girls their father. With help I had come to realize my mistakes and to see very clearly that the failures in my marriage were mine and not Sam's. It was also a shock to both my father and I that he was in part responsible for my lapses in judgment. He and I both demeaned Sam's chosen profession and in so doing, had made him insignificant in my mind when it came time to make behavior judgments. I was unfaithful with two men, both in professions that I considered to be 'proper', unlike Sam who was only 'playing at a career'. The first time was just over 7 years ago now and was a one-time thing that happened in a darkened conference room. The second time was a year ago with Rudy, a project manager in Savannah. That was more serious and resulted in Sam finding me out in a planned betrayal. That was what brought about the collapse of my marriage. All of this went through my mind as I watched the three of them move toward me, the girls laughing and jumping around their father. Sam looked older somehow and more mature. He also looked very tired and I felt some concern. "Hi, Sam. Welcome back. We all missed you very much." I reached up to give him a kiss but he pulled away. I felt the heat rise to my face as a result of the rejection, but I was very careful not to press him, or put him off. I decided to accept this rebuke until I could talk to him. He was obviously still angry and the year away hadn't done much to reduce it. "Do you have much luggage? We can get a dolly from the dispenser if you need one." "I'm fine. I had my luggage sent on ahead to my apartment so I only have a carryon." He glanced quickly at me, and then away. If he noticed my discomfiture, he didn't let on. I turned away to the girls. "Come on girls, let your father catch his breath. Why don't you take his bag and both of you can carry it for him." They liked that and Sam gave the bag to them willingly. He again smiled at them. He was clearly glad to see them. We walked down the corridor to the steps leading to the luggage area and out of the airport. Neither of us spoke for the first part of the trip. I finally decided to break the ice. "You look tired, Sam. Was it a long trip? I guess I don't know where you were coming from this time." I knew this flight came in from London but I didn't know where Sam had left from originally. "It was a long trip. I left yesterday from Singapore. I changed planes three times to get here, but it's over for awhile." "No wonder you are tired. Do you have a car meeting you or do you intend to get a cab? I have the van so I could drop you anywhere you want. I understand you have an apartment that you are going to stay in." I wanted to know why he chose to stay in an apartment rather than come home, but I was careful not to ask too soon. "I thought the apartment would be best for awhile. I wanted to get myself back in stateside behavior mode. Where I was and what I was doing was not for civilized people. I didn't want to make a mistake around the girls." He wouldn't look at me! I didn't know what to make of that, but it scared me. "Sam, do you have any intentions of moving back into our home?" There! I had asked the question but I dreaded the answer. "I don't know. I think it is too soon to talk about that. I told you, I need to get myself back into stateside mode." He was defensive which was not good. I was determined to hold myself in check so I let it go. "I understand. I can still give you a lift to your apartment. The girls need to spend the time with you now and they will be happier if they know where you are staying. They won't understand but they will at least feel better knowing you are close by." "I guess you're right. Let's go then. I'll give you the address that Josh sent me along with the key. That's where all my stuff is, I hope." We walked to the van and the girls got in the back seat. Sam sat in the front with me but turned to talk to the girls most of the way. I knew approximately where the apartment was located and it was only about a 20 minute drive. I pulled onto the side street where the apartment buildings were located and found the complex indicated by the address. It was one of 10 identical buildings. The one we wanted was marked 'C'. I pulled in to a slot in front of the building. "This is the building that we want. The apartment number is 3C so I think it's on the ground floor. Girls, grab the bag and help your father find his apartment." Sam turned to look at me with some surprise. "Aren't you coming in? I don't even know what the place looks like and I might need some advice on what to do first." "This is not our place, Sam. It is yours. I have no desire to see it or to make it more comfortable for you. As a matter of fact, I think if you want to see the girls, you will have to pick them up and drop them off. I won't be coming here. And when they ask, you can explain to them why you are living here rather than at home with us." I had been giving this some thought since I saw Sam at the airport. He had rejected me when he got off the plane and he was making his life here at an apartment rather than at home with the girls and me. The more I considered it, the angrier I became. Sam just stared at me, taken aback by my attitude. I guess he expected me to be the submissive, cheating wife, begging to be taken back into his loving and forgiving arms. Well, part of that was true, but I was not going to beg. I would explain what I found out while he was gone and I would apologize for actions totally inappropriate to our marriage. I would make my amends but I expected to go forward. What he was doing was not going to make repairing our marriage easier. "Come on girls, let's find my place." Sam got out of the car and the girls went with him to a door on the right side of a pass through. Sam tried the key and it opened the door. They disappeared into the apartment while I sat there considering what the future would bring. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why Sam needed a place by himself. It made little sense to me and it was simply an expense that was unnecessary. After about 10 minutes, the girls and Sam came back out to the car. The girls raved about the apartment and they found three bedrooms, one for each of them. They climbed in the back while Sam came around to the driver's side. He still looked surprised by my attitude. "The apartment is pretty nice. Are you sure you don't want to see it?" "I'm sure." I changed the subject to practical matters. "What do you want to do about a car? I sold your BMW as you requested. The money is in a separate account so you could buy something tomorrow. Until then, I guess you could rent a car." "I will probably just rent one for awhile. I'm not sure what my plans are. I need to talk to Josh before making any decisions." "I think you need to talk to me before you make any decisions. I don't know what you think you are doing but you need to remember that there are three other people involved in this. For the past year, you thought only about yourself when you left me here to fend for the girls and myself. The money you provided was fine, but it wasn't you." My anger had been building since Sam rejected me at the airport. I decided that it had to find an outlet and Sam was it. He was not the only one that paid a heavy price when he left me. He had better learn that fact soon. Again, Sam was shocked that I wasn't falling all over myself to make amends and beg for his forgiveness. That wasn't going to happen unless and until he sat down with me and worked on the marriage that we shared. If it was over, I would learn to live with that, but I was not going to live this way. "I guess you're right. I have been alone for so long and thinking only about myself that it is hard to remember what it right and wrong. I'm sorry. I'll settle in and give you a call tomorrow. We can get together, just the two of us, and see where we are going. Is that OK?" "It will have to be. I'll take the girls to moms for the evening. Since I am working, we can't do much before 6:00 or so. Call sometime after that and we can work out a schedule." Again Sam looked surprised. "Are you still working at the same place? I thought maybe you might have left there or changed jobs or something." "Why on earth would I do that? I love my job and the money is great and it gives me a lot of freedom. I needed that since I was an only parent taking care of two girls. You seem to keep forgetting that I was the only parent for our girls for this past year. A few cards and gifts don't make a parent." I began to realize that Sam had not thought much about me since he was gone. I guess I began to believe that our marriage had little chance of surviving. I was starting to prepare myself for what I believed was inevitable. "No, you are right. I just wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. I forgot how hard it must have been for you." He finally looked at me, really looked at me and seemed to see me for the first time. I guess he was so wrapped up in himself that he had had no time for me. "Apology accepted. I'm going to get the girls home now. It has been a big day for them. I guess I'll wait to hear from you tomorrow." With that, I started the van and backed out of the slot, Sam standing there watching us. The girls waved goodbye as I pulled out. I went to work the next day as usual. As I thought over the previous day, meeting Sam at the airport, his rejection, driving him to his apartment, refusing to go in and telling him that I was a single parent, I realized that I had come a long way in dealing with my past mistakes. I was not going to be a victim of my own foolishness. I had also learned that the way Sam chose to deal with my infidelity was not a way that was without fault. Sam had left, leaving me alone to deal with it. I had learned from my mistakes and I was ready to move on to a new life. I wanted to talk to Sam and to explain the reasons for my fall and to assure him that I had learned what he knew I needed to know. I wanted Sam to be a part of that life, but not at the expense of my pride and dignity. I was willing to apologize and do whatever was necessary to rebuild the trust he once had in me but I was not going to live my life apologizing every day for things I did in the past. I had moved on but apparently, Sam had not. I talked to mom that evening and told her of my feelings after meeting Sam. She was quiet and reflective but finally told me to do as I thought best. She had little to offer, saying only that this was new territory for her and for me and that I had to just take it a day at a time. I agreed with that and told her to tell dad that things were going OK. He and I were back to our previous relationship, once he found out that he was as much to blame for my attitude about Sam and I was. Sam called me at home that evening, asking me if it would be OK for him to stop by about 7:30. I agreed and told him that I would have dinner ready if he wanted to share it. I ate about that time every evening and I could just make enough for the two of us. He agreed and we made plans. I did nothing out of the ordinary for that meeting. I felt that we needed to work things out and that we needed to start on an even level. I had to proceed that way since I wasn't going to beg or grovel. Sam was as wrong in this as I was. Yes, I had cheated and betrayed him but he had left me and my children. We both had problems. I had tried to overcome mine by understanding why I had done what I did and to make changes to my life to be sure they didn't happen again. Sam had run away. At least, that's how I saw it. Maybe that was unreasonable but I didn't think so. Sam arrived right on time and I ushered him in to the dining room. Dinner was on the table and he sat in his usual place at the head of the table. To show him that I was the parent when he was gone, I sat at the other end. It was a little silly, but I was jockeying for position. Sam didn't seem to notice. "This is pretty good for just dinner. Of course, I have been eating some strange things for some time now and I guess I forgot how good meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy could taste. You were always a great cook anyway." He was really putting it away. I remembered that he always had a great appetite. "Good old meatloaf. Hard to mess it up. I wish the girls liked it as much but they prefer mac and cheese or burgers. We have that quite often. I carry home a lot. Makes it easier on me." We chatted over dinner without saying much of importance. He told me a little about the places he had been and the people he had met. I found it fascinating but also a little scary. I told him about some of the girls' exploits. I guess both of us were waiting for later to begin the tough talk. That was fine since it gave me time to study Sam while he ate. He looked very tired and worn. I noticed that he had lost weight, maybe 12 to 15 pounds. He wasn't that heavy to start with and he had a slightly sunken look to him that I didn't like. He was deeply tanned but he looked to be fit in spite of the gaunt look. I didn't comment on it, saving it for a later time. We finished dinner and Sam leaned back, looking full and satisfied. I offered desert, a slice of pie with coffee and Sam accepted readily. He was starved! I told him to go sit in the den and I would bring the pie and coffee in there. He went willingly while I got the desert tray. I found him in his old recliner; the one none of us would sit in while he was gone. He looked relaxed and contented. As we sat there, eating our pie and drinking our coffee, it felt like old times. For a minute, I forgot where we were and just enjoyed the feeling. It wasn't going to last. I finally put down my plate and decided to start. "How do you want to begin this, Sam? I don't know quite what to say or how to start, but I want to say right off that I have considered all that you asked me to think about when you left and I realized my mistakes. First, I am so very sorry that I behaved as I did. It was wrong, it was cruel and it dishonored you and our marriage. I understand what I did wrong and I have learned some hard lessons. I didn't put you and the girls first. That has changed. I did not honor my marriage and that has also changed. I know my priorities and I know what is important. My marriage comes first and everything I do is based on that simple fact. I am willing to go into much more detail and to answer any questions you may have, but I don't think that is going to solve our problems unless you are willing to take steps to be a part of the solution. I certainly don't know what that is anymore and since you have been home, I see no movement on your part toward any kind of beginning." I watched his face for some indication of how he felt. As before, what I saw was confusion and surprise. "I guess I am confused. I am totally surprised by your attitude. You seem to feel that all you have to do is apologize and I should forget everything. I also got the impression yesterday that I was in the wrong for leaving you and the girls. I told you when I left that it was to give you time to decide what you wanted from our marriage and what you thought the rules were. I have no idea of what you have decided and what you expect from me. How does that make it my fault?" "Sam! You haven't talked to me in over a year. You haven't told me anything of what you plan to do; you come home and ask my mother to meet you at the airport with our girls; you treated me like a stranger; and you move into an apartment without talking to me or asking me what I want. Yes, I guess I do think that is your fault. Who was I supposed to talk to while you were God knows where? Who did I express my apologies to? Who was there to help me work out what to do to make this up to you? It certainly wasn't you." Sam looked at me incredulously. "I couldn't stay with you after what you did without some time to understand my feelings. I had to get away from you to do that. You knew that." "You left not only me, you left our children. You left them here with me, without a father. How was that fair to them? Did you want to punish me so badly that they were the price you were willing to pay?" "I left them here with you because as I told you, you were a great mother and I knew they would be safe with you. What's wrong with that?" Sam was becoming more and more frustrated with this conversation. I think he was looking for capitulation on my part and he was still waiting for me to grovel and beg him to forgive me. It wasn't going to happen. I had apologized for my mistakes, yes, but he was not getting a whimpering female if that's what he wanted. "Why don't you ask them what's wrong with that? They asked every night where you were for almost 6 months before they finally gave up. They expected their father to be there with them and you weren't. You were off licking your wounds and salving your male ego. You missed their birthdays, their holidays, the last Christmas and Halloween, their favorite. You weren't there, Sam! How can you not see that?" "That was your fault. You were the one that drove me away." Sam still couldn't see anything wrong in what he did. "No, it wasn't. I cheated on you, Sam. Not them. They paid for what I did and that wasn't fair to them. I was willing to do all that was necessary to fix my mistakes. If you weren't willing to forgive me, that was one thing. You could have divorced me at any time. But you didn't even stay for that. You left that up to me as well." I was getting very angry now because he was just waiting for me to take the responsibility for all of the wrongs in our marriage. "I don't see it that way. You cheated! You lied and you betrayed me." Sam looked at me with a righteous face. He was the wounded one. "You're right. I did. I'm sorry. Now what?" That was all that was necessary as far as I was concerned. I wasn't going to rehash the past. I screwed up, big time, but I paid the price and I did the time and I did the fixing and I learned. What did Sam do? "What, that's all? For what you did? Did you forget what you did?" He was irate. "Of course not. But what do you want from me? You never told me, you never asked me about it and you left me without any discussion of it. I worked my ass off this last year, understanding what and why, taking care of myself and the girls and playing the part of father and mother while I did. I spent time in the hospital, blaming myself until I was able to understand why I did it. Dad learned a lot along the way too and has accepted some of the responsibility. But how about you, Sam? What have you done during that time beside run away?" Rules of Marriage Ch. 04 "I didn't run away. I got a real job like your father and you wanted in the first place. You always told me that I wasn't living up to my potential. So I got a real job and I made some real money and I lived up to your expectations. Didn't I? Wasn't that what you wanted? So I had to leave for a while to do that. That's what it took so I did it." "You ran. If you had stayed with me you would have realized that I finally understood that what I wanted all along was for you to do what made you happy. We talked about that before we were married and I knew what you were doing than and I accepted it. I just forgot. When you were happy, we were happy. When I forgot that, I made mistakes. I learned that soon after my collapse. Dad also understood that his attitude colored the way I looked at you and what you did. He helped to diminish you in my mind. He is so sorry and he is too ashamed to face you. That's why he wouldn't talk to you when you called mom. But you didn't know any of that because you weren't here." Sam just looked at me, thinking about what I said. He had removed himself from our lives so completely that all of this was news to him. He just assumed that dad continued to treat him with contempt as he always had, and that's why he never talked to him. "Some of what you say makes sense, but I still believe that the fault lies with you. You betrayed me." "I agree. I said I was sorry and I understand what I did and why I did it. I know now that I could never do it again. But I ask you again: So what? Where do we go from here? Do you just want me to keep on saying I'm sorry? Is that all you want from me? Fine: I'll say it once a day for the rest of my life. Will that satisfy you? If I promise to do that, will you tell me how we go forward from here?" "I don't know what I want. I still feel the betrayal and the pain and I don't know if I can move forward. I don't honestly know what to do." Sam seemed to be telling me the truth. "OK. I can accept that. If that is the case, I think we need to move forward with the divorce. I refuse to live in limbo for the foreseeable future. If you can't go forward, I can. I need to worry about the girls and their future stability. I still have the papers you left me and I can talk to a lawyer tomorrow, but I will change the reason for divorce to abandonment. You have abandoned the girls and me and I won't accept that. I still have my job and I make enough money to support us with only a little help from you. I will ask for minimal child support and no alimony. That's the best for all of us." Sam had that look of shock on his face again. He seemed to be in shock most of the time anymore. I don't know what he was doing over there, but it certainly didn't do much for his mental acuity. "How can you talk about divorce? I never asked you for a divorce. I told you that if you didn't accept the rules of marriage that we both agreed to when we were married, that you could move on and I would agree to a divorce. I thought you said you had learned and accepted those rules." "I did, but it didn't seem to make any difference to you. I tried to do it your way but it wasn't good enough for you so I have nothing left to give you. I think divorce is what you want. A divorce will make your separation easier since the girls and I will no longer wonder when you are coming back and we can go ahead with our lives." More and more, I felt that this was the right move for all of us. I couldn't take this attitude from Sam. It wasn't fair to me or to the girls. Fine! I screwed up but would I have to pay for it the rest of my life? I wasn't willing to do that. Sam stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what to say or do. I am so confused. This isn't what I expected from you and I can't get my head around what you are saying. I need some time to think. I have to be by myself for a while. I'll call a cab and go back to my place. I'll call you later." "I'm sorry Sam. I am still going to go ahead with the divorce. You don't know what to do or say? You need time alone? You want to go to your place? You've been doing that for the last year and none of it involves your family. None of those things are helping to work through this crisis in our marriage. You are still running away!" I got up and shoved the phone at him. "Here, call your cab." I turned and walked out of the den, leaving Sam alone. I was setting at the kitchen table, just staring at the clock on the wall. It was just after 9:00. It had only taken an hour and a half to end my marriage. I had such high hopes before Sam came home. I had done what he asked of me. I found my problem and I took the steps I needed to take to fix it. I went back to the beginning and I found what I had lost. I rebuilt my life with the correct goals and priorities: Sam and the girls first, above all else. I knew that I had made mistakes, but I had discovered why and knew that it could never happen again. I wanted only to convince Sam of that but he refused to even let me. He wanted something I couldn't give him. Total submission. In that frame of mind, I didn't hear Sam walk into the kitchen. He moved to the table and sat down across from me. It took me a second to focus. He was just looking at me with a calm expression. "Kristen, I owe you an apology. I guess I came home with a preconceived idea of what I expected you to do. I guess I wanted you on your knees, begging forgiveness and crying. I wanted to hear you say 'I'm sorry and I won't do it again', and all of those things. It never occurred to me that you would say I'm sorry and then expect me to move forward. I hadn't even gotten past the apology in my own mind. I was so hung up on my own unhappiness that I never thought of anything else." He paused for a moment, watching me with that same expression. I didn't know what he was going to do or say. I had little hope but I would listen. "You told me what I needed to hear but I couldn't seem to let it go. And you are right: I never thought of what I left you with when I took off. I knew you were a good mother but I never thought of the problems you would have trying to raise two girls alone while in a crisis. I never considered that you would have a breakdown from all that I handed you, and I certainly never bothered to find out. You are absolutely right. I took care of myself without any thought for you and the girls: my family." "I do need some time to myself to sort this out. But I can tell you that I don't want a divorce and I don't intend to leave again. I called Josh just now and told him that I couldn't take another assignment out of the country. He agreed and offered me a full time job here anywhere I wanted to live. I might have to travel occasionally, but not often. I accepted." "If you still want to, I would like to try to work this out. I still love you as much as I did before. I know you made mistakes but we need to deal with them together. I did some things while I was away that I'm not proud of and we need to deal with them as well. You made mistakes of judgment but I made mistakes with intent. I am not sure if that isn't worse." I was quiet for a while, thinking about what Sam said. As it was when he left me, it was a complete change from just minutes ago and it was difficult to change the focus of my thinking. He had heard what I said and he had finally worked through his own expectations. That was a good thing but I wasn't sure it was enough. "I would like to try as well, Sam. I don't know what we can accomplish but it is worth the attempt. I am willing to try with professional help. We can't do it alone. OK?" "I agree. We can find someone to help us. We have two girls that we owe this to. They need both of us, together if possible but both of us either way." With that agreement, Sam and I went to counseling to try to put our marriage back together. We worked very hard and our girls were the foundation we tried to build on. But after almost two years of hard work, we found that we had little left to hold us together. Sam moved back in with us and we tried to get back the old feelings, but they just weren't there. We made love, but it wasn't the same. There were reservations on both our parts and we finally gave up. We loved each other, but we had both changed. I through professional counseling and Sam through travel and being on his own. I had grown, understanding my motivations and strengths as well as my weaknesses. Sam had become more independent and more attuned to his own needs and almost introspective. As a result, Sam wasn't able to let go of my betrayal. He had always been a proud man but he had become far more rigid during his time away. For my part, I couldn't forgive Sam's desertion at a time when we needed to be together to work out our problems. Time away had made my petty affairs far more important in our life than they actually were. With those huge blocks in place, we had little in common other than Melissa and Jennie. They needed us strong and healthy, but not necessarily together. We finally agreed to a divorce and it became final 6 months later. Less than a year after our divorce, Sam married a lovely woman with a son of her own and they seemed to be quite compatible. She was pretty, but mousy, and didn't work. She preferred to be a stay at home mom. Our girls liked her and I found her son to be a delight. We often got together at holidays and special occasions. I was dating an older man, Jeffrey, who was quite well off and he and I traveled together as often as we could. Jeff owned a home in the country with a stable and three horses, so Melissa and Jennie were in 7th heaven. He doted on them and they loved him. We had discussed marriage but neither of us was in a hurry. We decided to move in together and I was happy with that. Sam and Jeff got along quite well. Jeff owned an engineering consulting firm and had contacts all around the world, so they had a lot to talk about. I continued to work and travel but I never again had any temptation to stray. I guess there was nothing lacking in my life and, in my own way, I had made a commitment to Jeff, which I intended to honor. Maybe Sam and I would have continued in our marriage if I hadn't strayed as I did. Maybe, but I doubt it. We both are much happier now. The End Rules of Marriage Ch. 04 - FTDS ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Sam's Decision - my ending to thecelt's series Rules of Marriage http://www.literotica.com/s/rules-of-marriage-ch-01 TheCelt's own resolution of the story (chapter 4) was distasteful to me. The woman had become a total bitch. In my version of the ending, I've decided to keep the personality he'd envisioned for her, even borrowing some of her phrases from his chapter 4. I do it to capture the same attitude he portrayed for her, and mean no disrespect. In this version, which follows immediately after chapter 3, Sam behaves a little different. I like finishing stories. I guess I'm a little weird. Sometimes they are stories that have been abandoned. In cases like this, it's a story where the author has invited others to continue their work, in The Troubador's tradition. When offered the opportunity, I'll give you my idea of an ending. Fair warning though, I don't write about total wimps. May not be BTB, all nuclear and shit, but no voluntary cucks, or whiny simpering wimps. Some of you won't like my endings. That's fair enough. I'm happy to hear your reasons. This is only one author's idea of a fitting resolution. You're welcome to try your hand at writing your own. I hope you enjoy this one. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ I saw my wife waiting, my two little girls standing with her, each holding a hand. I had expected as much. I dropped my bags and got down on one knee to welcome my little girls. Melissa and Jennie were excited, hugging me tightly. I felt a tug at my heart, and a tear in my eye. This would be hardest on them. Kristen walked up to me, arms extended. "Welcome home, Sam, we've all missed you." She tried to kiss me, but I turned away. She looked surprised, but accepted the rejection gracefully. "Do you have much luggage?" she asked. "None checked. This carry-on's all I have. I do need to wait a few minutes. Can we sit down here and talk a bit?" We were outside one of the airport bars. I got the girls Shirley Temples, and ordered myself a beer. Kristen moved them to the small table behind us. I guess the time I was allowed to spend with my daughters was over. I could sense the attitude. I knew the central issue in her cheating had been lack of respect. I don't know why I had hoped it might change, but the repentant wife I thought might be waiting was absent. I could see the irritation in her eyes, when everything didn't go her way. When I didn't take her in my arms and instantly forgive her. When I preferred time with my children to time with her "Long trip?" she asked. "I'm not even sure where you were coming from." "Afghanistan." That's all she needed to know. It wasn't like I'd been on vacation. I checked the gates, waiting for the next wave of people to walk through. "Is this it?" she asked, regaining my attention. "You're gone a year and can't even look at me? Abandoned us for twelve months, thinking only about yourself. You left me here to fend for myself and the girls. Yes you sent a little money, but it wasn't you. And now, 12 months later, you're here, but you're still not here." I couldn't believe the anger and disrespect. She was the cheater. Serial cheater, who had no respect for me or the family. She and her father whining because I'd never amounted to anything. I get what she calls a "real" job, and of course, she's still not happy. Every time she opened her mouth, she reassured me. "How do you want to begin this, Sam? I don't know quite what to say or how to start, but I want to say right off that I have considered all that you asked me to think about when you left and I realized my mistakes. First, I am so very sorry that I behaved as I did. It was wrong, it was cruel and it dishonored you and our marriage. I understand what I did wrong and I have learned some hard lessons. I didn't put you and the girls first. That has changed. I did not honor my marriage and that has also changed. I know my priorities and I know what is important. My marriage comes first and everything I do is based on that simple fact. I am willing to go into much more detail and to answer any questions you may have, but I don't think that is going to solve our problems unless you are willing to take steps to be a part of the solution." "And what steps would those be, Kristen?" "It could start with a little respect. I cheated. I'm sorry. You've punished me and the girls. I was willing to do anything to fix my mistakes, but you didn't even give me a chance. You left. Left me with the kids, and with nobody to talk to!" "I didn't leave. You drove me away. You cheated and betrayed me. I told you this was a chance to come to terms with your own unique idea of what a loving marriage entailed. I would live by your terms, and you'd get to decide if what you had is what you wanted." "What do you want from me?" she whined. "I still don't understand. I said I was sorry. I worked my ass off to understand why I did what I did, taking care of myself and the girls, playing the part of mother and father. I even spent time in the hospital, blaming myself until I was able to understand why I did it. I did my part. How about you, Sam? What have you done during that time, besides run away, like a coward." There it was. My vindication. I smiled, standing up and seeing the answer to her question striding our way. I reached my hand out, and Erica slipped into my arms, kissing me. "Erica, this is my ex-wife, Kristen. Kristen, my fiancée Erica." The Nordic beauty smiled, a touch of humor in her eyes. "Pleased to make your acquaintance. He's said so much about you," she smirked, and hugged me tighter. Kristen looked surprised, stunned. "I told you I'd be living by your rules. I did. You want to know what I've done? This is what I've done, Kristen. I met the most beautiful loving woman imaginable. She respects me and honors the work I do. She is the most amazing individual I've ever met. It's been a year, and I wanted some time to see my girls, but you had to hijack this meeting, when you knew it was them I wanted to see. You had to make it about you. It's always about you, isn't it? I guess I'm glad you're here, so I can get this over with. Tell you face-to-face. It's over." "But—" "No buts. You may think you love me, but you've never shown me an ounce of respect, and it's obvious nothing's changed. I sent cards and presents, but did you ever once think of having the girls send me anything in return? I wanted time with the girls, I called your mother, not you, told her what I wanted, but suspected it would be like this, holding them hostage. No, I see no repentance, no change in you whatsoever." "You never even gave us a chance!" she snapped, obviously embarrassed and angry. "No, Kristen. You never gave us a chance when you betrayed me so coldly. Going back to that bastard, for another cheap fuck, never caring what you were doing to our family." "But the kids! You can't leave me. What about the kids? It's not fair to them," she whined. "It's not. You're right about that. I'm glad you've had the opportunity to learn what it's like to be both mother and father, because when you discarded me and my love so easily, that's the role you accepted, like it or not. They're yours now. I'm starting my own family." I reached over and rubbed Erica's belly, and she giggled, placing her hand on mine. "You got an apartment—" "For one month, to close out business here. I thought I might see the kids, let them know what's going on, as much as they can understand. Close the books with them. I'll be returning to Stockholm, my new center of operations." "No, Sam! You can't do this! You can't leave again!" "It's done. I'm not going to fight with you and your father any more. You didn't want me, someone else does. Very much. Her gain, your loss. Take care of the girls, Kristen. They're good kids. I hope you find someone who can live by your rules of marriage and learn to accept them. There are plenty of spineless wimps out there. You're a decent looking woman. You should be able to con one of them into your bed." "You bastard! I'll take you for everything—" "By all means. The house. The cars, whatever you want. I've taken what I want from the accounts. Thanks, by the way, for selling the Beemer. I've taken that money as well. You're welcome to everything else." "You'll pay—" "Sure. Send me what you think I should pay. I'll consider it. I'll be staying overseas. Spend as much as you want on lawyers, and see how well you can enforce any judgment against me. My skills are highly sought after abroad. My willingness to travel has opened the doors kept closed when I was more concerned with being around you and our children, tied in place by your job. Erica travels with me, assists me. It's pretty damn wonderful to be honest. To be number one for once. Not fourth, behind your work, your lovers, and our kids." "That's not fair," Kristen almost screamed. "You know how important my job is!" "Important to you getting laid. You're still working there, right? Three times it contributed to your cheating on me. Couldn't stand to get away from there, could you? Where would you find your next pickup?" "You bastard. You know that's got nothing to do with it." I sighed. "This is getting us nowhere. Erica and I are running behind. We have to board our next flight in less than twenty minutes. I'll be back, on and off, for the next few weeks, while I pull some loose ends together. I'll call you ahead of time, and see if you can find some way to let me see the kids. You don't have to. You can fight it, but it will certainly impact our final resolution. You'll never see another dime from me, if we can't work out a mutually acceptable way for me to remain in their lives. "You gave me 13 pretty good years, so I want to thank you for that. I hope you have a great life. I plan to. Good luck." She sat their stunned, unable to respond as I turned and kissed my girls goodbye. It would be difficult, but I wouldn't have them living in a house without love. Nobody deserves that. I wouldn't fight a losing battle, with the bitch and her family. No, I'd cut the ties, and move on. I would fund their trusts, and if the ex couldn't do right by them, I'd make sure they went to college and had a good start on life. With the money I was being paid I could certainly afford it. Who knows, she might even be reasonable about sharing time with them. A few weeks in the summer maybe. I'd be willing to reward her if she did. "You were really married to that ugly bitch?" Erica laughed, hanging on my arm as we left. "Don't be mean. She was a decent wife, except for the whole slut, whore, disrespect thing," I teased. "You want I should go back and kick her ass?" I knew she could do it. We make a great team. She's the best hand-to-hand female instructor I'd ever met. Our first sparring had been almost vicious, neither wanting to give an inch. She was tough, as tall as I was, strong and wiry. Tricky as hell, too. Fortunately, in the real world, the toughest woman there is will never quite have the same strength as the toughest man. It's nature. Erica can kick the ass of 99% of the men in the world. I'm lucky to be in that last 1%. Our battle was hot and sexy, and when I mounted her, forcing her submission, I was so turned on I couldn't think straight. She almost killed me in bed that night. Even now, two months pregnant, a third of our love sessions are battles. I let her win on occasion, especially now in her condition. I looked over my shoulder, seeing Kristen watching us, tears streaming down her face. I almost felt sorry for her. But I had warned her. I was going to live by her rules of marriage. I would do it for one year, and I was up front about it, telling her I may discover someone else, and if I did, our marriage would be over. I gazed on the stunning Erica, 5'10" inches of Swedish sex appeal. Long blonde hair, big blue eyes, that round Nordic facial structure. A body honed to perfection through relentless exercise and training. A passion for life and love I had thought never to find. It was at my second station, that I met up with her. We worked together for the full three months. She quit her own job, and followed me to my next station, where I convinced Josh to hire her on as a consultant. Together, we earned nearly $400K that year with minimal, shared expenses. After our last station, we had shopped ourselves out as a team. We'll be making so damn much money, I'm embarrassed to even say it. "No. Don't kick her ass. It wouldn't be much of a challenge would it?" "Not her. Old and fat." "Let it go, Erica." "I want to kick her ass. Punish her. She hurt you. Nobody hurts my man." She was a feisty thing. I loved that about her. Hell, I loved everything about her. "She'll never get another chance." But I was sure as shit happy that I'd gotten mine. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ That's it. Short and sweet. I know it's hard on the girls, but I envision delightful summers in Europe, being spoiled by Daddy, and playing big sisters to the newest family members.