40 comments/ 226254 views/ 15 favorites Kathleen's Secret Life By: SusanPSharpPHD Case Study; Kathleen. By Dr. Susan P. Sharp My name is Dr. Susan P. Sharp and I am a praticing family therapist with over thirty years of clinical and private practice in marital and family counselling. I was formerly an adjuct professor at Rutgers Graduate School of Social Services and still lecture practicing counselling professionals. For the last ten years, except for my teaching and research work, I have conducted a private practice out of my home in an affluent suburb in Northern New Jersey. My clients are predominently upper middle class and wealthy couples who live in surrounding communities. This case study was abstracted in my address, “Changing Norms in American Family Relationships” presented before the American Association of Family Therapists in November 2001 at our annual meeting in Las Vegas. At an informal gathering after my presentation, there was a lively discussion among my collegues about the lifestyle and behavioral changes we have all observed in the last twenty years amoug our married clients. Since my presentation only provided the broad outlines of Kathleen’s story, there were many questions from my collegues, most addressed to the more abberational details of Kathleen’s behavior. At first I assumed that much of the interest was merely purient, since the account was so remarkable. But gradually my collegues began relating similar stories from their own practices. At the request of my collegues, I have prepared this detailed case study in a narrative form and I hope to use it in my upcoming book entitled Changing Norms of the American Family Structure. I caution the reader that some of the details of Kathleen’s behaviour are shocking and I have made little attempt to sanitize what she told me in our sessions that spanned nine months. Of course, the names and places have been changed to protect the annonymity of my client and the other persons related in her story. Most important from a clinical standpoint, I caution the reader that the main facts related in Kathleen’s story are true! There will be a great temptation for the reader to dismiss some of the more unbelievable elements of this narrative, which are from my initial interview with the patient and later, from transcripts of tapes made at the actual sessions. But I assure you that, asside from names, places and some other non-essential facts, this is Kathleen’s story, exactly as she related it to me. Session One; Intake. Kathleen was referred to me by her close friend and a former patient of mine. She was looking for a female therapist with exceptional credentials who would take her case. Apparently, one of Kathleen’s criterea was also that the therapist be local and private. The fact that I work out of my home which is in a rather affluent and more rural area of Northern New Jersy seemed important to her. My house and office are not visible from the street and it was important to Kathleen that her car, a late model Mercedes Benz, would not be recognized. At our first meeting I was very impressed with Kathleen. She was 34 years old, dressed tastefully in an obviously expensive two piece business suit which appeared custom tailored. Underneath her jacket she wore a cream colored lace camisole which gave her a feminine, yet attractive, business like appearance. Kathleen appeared to be about 5 foot 7 inches, and in perfect physical condition. She had the lithe body of a dancer. Her most attractive feature was her piercing blue eyes and raven black hair which commanded one’s attention. I guessed that she worked out or had a personal trainer since she appeared lithe and toned, not muscular but no evidence of fat or “secretary spread” that is common in more affluent professional women that I see. At our first meeting I spent a great deal of time getting information about Kathleen, her family history and background. Kathleen related that she was a licensed CPA and a partner at one of the larger local firms in town. As she told me about herself, I realized that I recognized her from her picture in our local town newspaper where she writes a weekly column (actually more of an advertisement) on small businesses and tax issues. Kathleen finished sixth in her class at Columbia University and completed her undergraduate studies in only three years. She went on to graduate school and obtained an advanced degree in corporate taxation. Throughout college and graduate school Kathleen lived at home with her two parents, both of whom are still alive and married to each other. Her home life seemed stable and relatively uneventful. She was raised in a religious Irish-Catholic home and had a younger sister who is now a practicing pediatrician in a suburb of Chicago and with whom she has a close relationship. She started dating only after her first year of university studies. Her dating thoughout college and graduate school was occasional and informal. She had only one love interest during this period and, according to Kathleen, her studies took precedent and that early relationship did not work out. After graduate school, Kathleen was courted by all the big accounting firms and began as a Junior Auditor at one of the “Big Eight” firms in Manhattan. It was there that she met and married her husband of eleven years, Bill. Shortly after their marriage, Kathleen decided that she wanted to start a family while she was still young and wanted to return to her career in accounting as soon as her family was started. It was at that time that she left her fast track carrear in Manhattan took a position with the local accounting firm in which she is now a partner. Although Kathleen had three children, she continued to work, albeit at a reduced schedule, throughout her marriage. Bill, who I met only after several private sessions with Kathleen, is a lanky and relatively handsome man of about 35 years old. He is now a partner in the international accounting firm for which he works and appears to be a hard working and dedicated husband and father. While he sometimes appears distant and withdrawn, there is no doubt that he loves his wife and enjoys the life that he and Kathleen have been able to provide to their family in this affluent community. At our initial meeting I was impressed by the research that Kathleen did before she decided to consult with me. She was aware of my prior teaching position and had even read one of my published papers on family therapy that had been written for professionals. Kathleen is organized, intelligent and capable. She is a “take charge” person and has a commanding presence. She is involved in in several local charities, coordinates the annual blood drive for her parish church (in which she is active), and was formerly the secretary of the local PTA. At thirty-four years old, she is the epitome of a successful modern business women and mother of three beautiful children. After my intitial intake interview with Kathleen, I was curious about her reasons for consulting me. She appeared well adjusted and capable. I assumed our work would invlove issues surrounding her husband and his behaviors and was suspicious that he did not join her for our intitial meeting, since it is almost impossible to conduct family therapy with only one party present. I began with my usual question. “So, Kathleen, tell me why you think you need my help?” “Dr. Sharp, lately my life seems to be unravellng and I really don’t know where to turn. Until now, things have been going pretty much the way I planned but lately, certain events … Let’s just say I have not exactly been honest with my husband and I think it’s time to set things straight. He is a very traditional guy and I know I am going to need some professional guidance so that I can put things in the best light.” I was surprised at Kathleen’s answer but not shocked. It is not unusual in my practice to see high powered woman who have affairs, but Kathleen just did not really fit the type! I proceeded cautiously. “In what way do you think you have not been entirely honest with your husband?” “As I told you, when I left my job in Manhattan at Bill’s firm, I gave up a promissing carrear to start a family. For about eight months I tried to get pregnant, but nothing happened. My gynecologist tested me and told me that I was fine so I assumed, rightly so, that Bill would not be able to give me children. So I kind of took things into my own hands.” “But you told me you have three beautiful children.” “Yes,” Kathleen answered, “but none of them are Bill’s.” I tried not to look shocked by this revalation. “Whose children are they then?” I asked quietly. “What does that matter.” Kathleen responded. “They are my children - our children – and we love them.” “Don’t you think that matters to Bill?” I asked incredulously. “He loves our children and he loves me. It shouldn’t matter to him. After all, if we adopted children, they wouldn’t be either of ours, biologically. I never thought that simple biological issues should stand in the way of my plans for our happieness.” “So you never told him?” “Not yet. That’s why I’m here.” “Don’t you think Bill would be interested in how you became pregnant, what led up to you having children by another man? Was it one man?” “I don’t really know!” Kathleen looked down at the floor and mumbled. “I’m so confused. Things just didn’t work out the way I planned. Oh, Dr. Sharp. I really don’t know what to do!” For the first time, Kathleen’s professional, in control, demeanor started to crack and she began to sob softly. I handed her a tissue and waited until she was able to compose herself. I must admit, by this time my head was reeling and I needed time to compose my thoughts, go over Kathleen’s file and think about what she told me. Our session was almost over and I could see that my normal, 45 minute consultation would be inadequate for this client. “Kathleen, our time is up for today. Let me propose this. There is obviously a lot you need to tell me and all of it is going to be important for your therapy. I would like to schedule you for my last consultation of the day so that we can do a double session, longer if necessary. Also, I would like to tape your story and transcribe it. I don’t usually do that, but I think I need to in your case. The tapes will be absolutely confidential as will the transcripts. They will be helpful to me, not ony in your therapy but in some research I am doing. Would that be acceptable to you?” “Yes, it would.” Kathleen answered. “I want you to know the whole story and I would be honored to help you with your research. I want you to know I am not a bad person. I love my husband and my family and I only wanted the best for them and for me. I’m not a person that likes to settle for second best. I know when we get done you will understand and I’m hoping you will be able to help me straighten out my life.” I gave Kathleen a warm smile and showed her out. When she left I shook my head in disbelief and as her words echoed in my mind. “No Kathleen, I really do not understand.” Session 2. Kathleen’s Story – The Beginning Session 2: Tape 1 SS: “Ok, I think this tape is working. How are you feeling today Kathleen? K: “Fine, thank you. And you Dr. Sharp?” SS: “I have had a long day, but I’m glad to see you this afternoon. Let me first give a recap and brief introduction for the tape. Kathleen has sought my help with a problem that has been going on for several years. She has been unfaithful to her husband, Bill, who is unaware of her affairs, and is now seeking a way of ending this situation and moving on in her marriage and in her relationship with her husband. Unfortunately, there is a complication – none of Kathleen’s three children are from her husband and he is unaware of that fact. Does that accurately summarize where we are right now, Kathleen?” K: Well, . . . I would like to clarify a few things you said, just to be clear, for the record. SS: “Go right ahead.” K: “I have never had an affair and don’t see myself as “unfaithful” to Bill. The way I see it, my major problem right now is that I have not been entirely truthful with my husband about my work.” SS: “Or about your children?” K: “That’s right, or about our children and the fact that Bill is not their biological father.” SS: “Kathleen, how can you admit that Bill is not the biological father of your three children but claim that you never had an affair or were not unfaithful? Don’t you think you are playing with words?” K: “This is complicated. I think I need to start from the beginning. Then maybe you can understand.” SS: “That’s why we are here. Why don’t you start from the beginning.” K: “OK. Bill and I were married in 1991. We both decided that we wanted children and dreamt about having a nice house in the suburbs just like most couples our age. We were both making great money at the firm but were working long hours. At the beginning, we were often traveling on assignment, sometimes for weeks at a time. Even worse, sometimes we would alternate on travel assignments and, for a while, we never saw each other! We both agreed this had to stop or it would wreck our marriage. We decided that I would quit the firm and take a job in the suburbs. Even though this meant putting a promising career on hold and taking a cut in salary, I was willing to do this on one condition, that we immediately start a family. I felt that this would make my sacrifice worthwhile. Also, I reasoned that when our children were older, I could return to my career in Manhattan if my suburban practice was not rewarding. Bill understood this and agreed to it whole heartedly. This was the deal we made and all of my actions have been planned to make our dreams of having a family and being financially independent a reality.” “As soon as I moved to the firm I’m with now, I tried to get pregnant. Nothing happened. Both of us were tested. We were both fine, although Bill did have a low sperm count. The doctors told us that we just had to be more “mindful” if I wanted to get pregnant. You know, make sure all the conditions were right! For a while things were tense. We would check my temperature and make love at the right time of the month. After a while sex was becoming a chore for both of us. After about six months, I decided that I didn’t want to live this way. I told Bill that getting pregnant wasn’t the most important thing in the world and that we should just relax and see what happened. He seemed happy I made this decision. SS: “Had you changed your outlook, your plan - I mean about getting pregnant and starting a family early?” K: “Absolutely not. I told Bill this for a couple of reasons. I did want a rest from the pressure. I also thought that Bill might be more relaxed and that might help! But I never gave up my goal. I guess this was the first lie I told Bill.” SS: “I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. This is not really a lie, it’s more like an attitude adjustment.” K: “Well, when six months passed and I was still not pregnant, I began looking into alternatives. As you know, Dr. Sharp, I am a very thorough person. I looked into artificial insemination, adoption, you name it. I concluded that they were all too expensive, too emotionally draining and not what I wanted. I knew that I could get pregnant. The problem was Bill and his sperm! So I began to work on the real problem – how could I get pregnant and have a family without relying on Bill’s little sperm guys!” “Right after I was hired, my firm assigned me to a client in Patterson who owned a bar. I think they did it as a joke. I was the youngest in the office and the only woman. The owners were two brothers, Tony and Vince Salerno. The bar, actually it was a topless bar, was a sleazy neighborhood joint in downtown Patterson and barely turned a profit.” “I’ll never forget my first day on this account. Tony began calling me “Sweet Cakes” after I introduced myself and was very condescending. Don’t forget, these two were used to hiring bubble headed topless dancers and didn’t really believe a woman could be smarter than they were. Within two weeks, I showed Tony (he was the brains of the operation) that he was loosing money on the bar! That was supposed to be their profit center! Some business men! I helped them analyze their financial problems and within three months, they were making money hand over fist – or should I say, hand over tit. When they saw how lucrative this business could be, they told me about an opportunity they had to buy a large existing club in Union, New Jersey called “EXstasy”. The federal government had sent the owner on an all expense paid vacation to Allenwood, Pennsylvania at their minimum security prison for tax evasion. The Salerno brothers couldn’t even imagine where they could get the $1.5 Million asking price they thought they needed to buy this club. I explained to them how they would go about legitimately buying this club. They gave me the go ahead to represent them, and I was able to arrange a loan at a local bank after working on cash flow pro formas I expected to see at the new club, based on the Salerno’s existing experience. I was able to negotiate a final price of under $1 Million for the new Club and basically put the Salerno boys in business - BIG business for a very little cash outlay on their part.” “By this time I was spending about three afternoons a week with the Salerno’s. I became their consultant and business advisor. They were paying a sizeable retainer to my firm for my services, and even though I got a 20% cut, I realized that the gravy train was leaving the station and I was on the platform. After about three months at EXstasy, I took over the hiring of talent. You see in the “Gentlemen’s Club” business, particularly the more popular clubs, you don’t need to pay girls to dance. They make an amazing amount of money from tips and most would gladly pay you to get to dance in a popular club. After some of my suggestions were implemented, the Salerno’s saved over $350,000 the first year. When they saw how important I was to their business, particularly the “cash” portion of the business, they were open to my suggestion that I become a “silent partner”. After all, if it wasn’t for me, the Salerno’s would still be selling dollar beers to deadbeats in Patterson! “Tony and Vince put me on a “cash” retainer of $2,000 per week. That translated to a taxable salary of over $200,000 per year and I was still getting my small but steady draw from my accounting firm. I was doing great! “ SS: “How did you feel about working in such a seedy industry? I would think that a woman with your background and education would be appalled at working for a strip club? Didn’t it bother you?” K: “Not really. Even though my client’s business was seedy, I wasn’t on the payroll and technically wasn’t even associated with the Salerno’s. I was their accountant, a professional servicing her clients. Does it bother you that some of your client’s are not nice people and that you try to help them?” SS: “I see your point, in a way. Go on.” K: “By the end of 1995, EXstasy was paying Tony and Vince an annual salary of $150,000 each on the books and triple that off the books. They began to get worried about the cash “skim”, particularly in light of the problems the prior owner had. I made them another deal. I set up some off-shore bank accounts to funnel the cash into and set up a conduit to get the money back into the country, legitimately but tax free. The Salerno’s were overjoyed. I was given 10% off the top of all the skim money for this operation. Now I was accumulating about $180,000 a year in an offshore account tax free in addition to my cash draw. “It was at this time that Bill signed up a big national manufacturing client and was traveling almost weekly to supervise audits at their plants around the country. I was feeling desperate – I was able to do such great things in such a short period but my dream of starting a family was not one step closer. Even though Bill wasn’t around much, we both loved each other and were committed to our relationship. Kathleen's Secret Life “It was during this period that I bought our current home in Alpine. In order to raise the down payment, I told Bill that one of my firm’s financial clients made us a personal loan. Actually, it was a “loan” from one of my off-shore accounts. This was a great way for me to bring some of the money I was making back into the country tax free and get a write off for the “interest” to boot. Bill was proud of my work in finding and financing our home while he was on the road. We both loved it and still do. Between the house purchase, my private accounts which I handled in the mornings (the club didn’t open until afternoon) and afternoon’s at the Salerno’s office in the Club I was busy, very busy. Although financially, I was ahead of my plan and loved our new home, I was miserable about not being able to conceive. Now there was only one thing left for me to concentrate on. Getting pregnant. “Then one day, I was talking to Cindy, one of the dancers who works the club’s afternoon shift. Cindy had worked a bachelor party at the club night before. I couldn’t believe the stories she was telling me about what went on in our private room. You see, even though I hired the “talent’, Vince Salerno handled the bachelor party bookings.” SS: “But you must have known that these parties were going on?” K: “Of course. In fact, it was my idea to begin using the private room for these parties. As you probably know, bachelor and bachelorette parties are very popular. Almost everyone has one, especially the younger people. We began getting inquiries about parties almost as soon as we re-opened the club. I realized that there was money to be made in this area - actually a part of the wedding industry, which, as you know, is a multi-billion dollar business in this country. I thought that this would be a good way to augment the business of the club with a more predictable and lucrative cash flow stream than bar and door revenues. I convinced the Salerno’s to outfit a part of the basement of the club for these parties and it was a big success from the moment we started offering this service. When it first started, Vince handled the bookings, not really a hard job. I thought that these parties were similar to what went on before we had the room. You know a group of guys would show up, start drinking and carousing, ogle the dancers and generally behave like little boys.” SS: “What did you learn from Cindy?” K:“Cindy told me that Vince had set up three levels of “entertainment” for these parties. The first was what I expected. One or two dancers perform on the platform in the room to sexy music, the DJ (who doubles as the bouncer) announces them and gets the crowd worked up. They usually bring the groom to be onto the stage and embarrass him, you know, they sit on his lap, rub their tits in his face, nothing too outrageous.” “The second level was a live show. Apparently, Vince had convinced several of the girls to bring in their boy friends (in one case a husband!) and put on a live show when that was requested. This was an additional $2,000 charge. The third and raunchiest level was where the girls let the men “touch”. According to Cindy, no sex is promised for this $3,000 charge. It’s all left rather vague with talk about “tipping” and “taking care of the girls”. Apparently the Salerno’s lawyers warned them that anything more explicit than that would be considered prostitution. This way, it’s just a private party where the girls get “friendly” and are awarded with tips depending on how “friendly” they get. The girls get only about $200 for two hours work at these parties, $400 for the “special” parties. They work it into their dance schedule upstairs so it’s gravy for them. And according to Cindy, it’s not uncommon to leave with over $1,500 in tips for a two hour show! That’s not bad for a girl that would otherwise be earning $8.00 an hour waitressing.” SS: “So Cindy had been part of the “special” entertainment the night before?” K: “That’s right! I could hardly speak as I listened to what she told me. The party had been a big one, about 25 men, all young corporate types. After dancing for a few minutes, Cindy stripped naked and invited the groom onto the stage. The two of them, they . . . you know, they did it right there in front of everyone. Cindy said that before she knew it, there were hands on every part of her body while a line formed behind the groom. The other dancer was apparently prepping each guy as he waited his turn. It sounded unbelievable. I asked her how it felt to be raped and she laughed. She said it was some of the hottest sex she ever experienced and split $3,000 in tips with the other dancer for her experience!” SS: “What did you think when you heard that this type of thing was going on at your club?” K: “I was in a state of shock. I never knew this kind of thing went on, let alone at the EXstacy! I admit I was a little turned on by Cindy’s lewd description, but I thought the whole thing was disgusting and dangerous, both for Cindy and for us.” “For the next week of so, I couldn’t get Cindy’s story out of my head. I should explain that Cindy and I had become pretty friendly and would talk once or twice a week. She is married and has a three year old son. I never imagined she would be the type of girl that would do something like that, and worse, enjoy it! But as the weeks went by I realized that Cindy was the same person I always knew, happy, carefree and supporting her family as best she could. I guess I was waiting for something terrible to happen. Then it began to dawn on me that no one really cared what Cindy did or what went on in the private room of the club, and no one ever would. It was then I began to formulate my plan.” END OF TAPE 1 Session 2; Tape 2 SS: “It’s not working. I see the tape turning but the light isn’t on. No, there it is. OK, that looks good. This is Tape 2 of our Second Session with Kathleen, our first in depth therapy session. Before we took a break to change the tape, Kathleen was describing her reaction to learning what really went on at the bachelor parties held at the club. What did you mean when you talked about your “plan”.” K: “It was about this time that my failure to get pregnant was really getting me down. I had already ruled out invasive and expensive medical procedures and adoption. I kept thinking about how stupid Cindy was and how she could have gotten pregnant from any one of the men she was with at that party! I actually felt a little jealous that she could get pregnant any time she wanted to but I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried. She didn’t have to worry about her husband’s low sperm count or whether he was traveling at the right time of the month or if he was not in the mood. Just sign up for a party and there you have it! Twenty-five young, fertile and horny men just chomping at the bit to impregnate you! You want blond hair and blue eyes, no problem. A future doctor or dentist, just pick the right father! It started as kind of a joke I made to myself to get through my depression about my constant disappointment when my period came each month.” SS: “Kathleen, you don’t really mean to tell me that you seriously considered becoming a prostitute in order to get pregnant? That would be crazy!” K: “At first I thought so too. As I said, it was kind of a private joke, a daydream. But after a while, I began to analyze the situation, and my “business” brain clicked in. I made a list of all of the reasons why this was a bad idea. I had no idea who would be at these parties. The men could be diseased or idiots. One of them could be an undercover cop. Then I began to think about the booking process and how I could control it. I approached Tony and Vince about two weeks after my conversation with Cindy. I told them I was concerned about what was going on at the “parties.” I asked them if they had any release forms drafted by our attorney, whether they screened who the guests were and if they had any way of knowing if any of them were undercover cops. Of course, the answer to all these questions was no. I told them they were crazy to risk their investment in the club on these parties and that someone had to monitor the bookings to make sure that everything was legal. At the end of the meeting, I was put in charge of the party bookings. As promised, I visited our attorneys and had them draw up a detailed contract that protected the club. They briefed me on how to handle the discussions about “entertainment” and how to avoid any accusations that we were soliciting or engaging in prostitution.” “After I took over, I would meet with the person booking the party, usually the best man, and have him sign the contract which would include a certification that no guest was a member of or working with any law enforcement agency. I had the best man give me a list of the names and addresses (and occupations) of each guest. I explained that this served two purposes, to make sure that no one was a cop and to insure that if anyone made trouble, we would know were to reach them.” “Our more educated customers were actually pleased with this new throughness. No one wants their party to turn into an emparrassing experience, particularly for wealthier men with a reputation to protect. What I didn’t tell our guests was that this list was my way of getting an insight into the type of gentlemen that would be attending the party. Were they bankers or a motorcylcle club? Now at least I had some idea. What I couldn’t learn from the paperwork, I was able to find out from a friendly discussion with the best man, who was often more than happy to tell a pretty lady almost anything she asked! After handling the bookings for several months, I realized that most of my fears about who would be at these parties could be quantified and dealt with rationally.” SS: “But Kathleen, surely you must have been worried about your personal saftey. After all, a pretty young woman, inflaming all those men, who knows what might happen?” K: “At first, yes. In fact I asked Cindy about this. She actually laughed! She told me that the men who frequented our club, and especially the ones at these parties, were like docile lambs. She told me that they would do ANYTHING she told them to. Sit down, stand up, touch, don’t touch. They were like little boys obeying their mother. She reminded me that there were always one or two bouncers at the party and there are others upstairs in the club. No man, she explained, wants to have his fun cut short in front of his friends by a 100 pound woman, let alone a 250 pound bouncer who could tear him limb from limb! At first I thought she was exagerating. After all, there was a lot of drinking at these parties (I know, I review the books each week) and these men are really riled up. But after a couple of weeks I confirmed her observation personally. Believe me Dr. Sharp, you are safer in Club Xstacy that you are alone in your own home with your husband!” SS: “So, its seems as if you planned on becoming one of the party girls? It’s hard for me to believe Kathleen.” K: “I wouldn’t say that at this time I made up my mind to become a “party girl” or to get pregnant at a bacheor party at the Club. I still had a lot of reservations. I had never cheated on Bill, in fact, I had only had sex with one other man before I married Bill, and that was rather unspectaculor. Let’s just say that I was open to the possibility and was keeping my options open.” SS: “How did you ever think you could do such a thing?” K: “Actually, I didn’t think I could. I mean, no matter how carefully I planned and researched this, it would be a big leap into the unknown and a terrifying experience. But I had a plan for that too. I decided to try dancing on stage at the club first to see whether I had what it took to be the confident, sexy woman that needed to take charge at a party like that. It was a small step, but an important one.” SS: “You mean to tell me that you decided to became a stripper to “test” yourself?” K: “I did Dr. Sharp, and I am rather proud of myself for it. It was an amazing experience!” END OF TAPE 2 Session 2, Tape 3 SS: “I didn’t think we would go through so many tapes today. What time is it? 4:30. Ok, we have another half hour and then we will call it quits for the day. How are you doing. K: “Fine. Actually, it is very freeing being able to share this with someone.” SS: “Good. Let’s continue. Where were we? I believe you were telling us about your decision to become a “stripper” at the Club. Do they still call it that?” K: “Our employees are called “exotic dancers”. And yes, we were at the point where I decided to try dancing at the Club. I realized that if I couldn’t go up on stage, take off my clothes and wiggle for a bunch of men, I would never be able to go through with my plan to get pregnant. What if I got so scared I started to shake, or ran out the room crying. I would be mortified! “One afternoon I was talking to Cindy and I we started discussing the dancers, how much money they could make, and how it felt being up on stage. I told Cindy that I really admired her for her courage, you know being able to get up on stage and dance in front of all those men. I told her that I had studied dance in college and had put on some amature performances in ballet, but I doubted that I had what it took to dance the way she did. As we talked I asked her whether she thought I would be able to do it. She looked me up and down and without blinking said “Darlin, if your body dosen’t knock a man dead, he’s dead already. Hell, someone as good looking as you don’t even need to know how to dance. Believe me honey, those men are not in here to see the ballet! If you want to dance, hell girl, then dance!” She smiled at me and leaned over speaking confidentially. “Listen Kath, I know your life must be boring, you know, with your head always in those accounting books and all. Why don’t you try it. Live a little. No one will ever know.” “But what about my husband? Suppose someone I know sees me dancing?” Cindy laughed. “Your husband works in the city don’t he? And he’s travelling most of the time anyway. What the hell would he be doing at a strip joint in Union, New Jersey during working hours? Same thing is true for your friends in that tight ass Alpine of yours. Those folks wouldn’t be caught dead in this club. Besides, you won’t be dancing for only two or three ten minute sets every hour, for maybe two hours at most. What’s the chance the someone you know will waltz in here at that very moment? Zero. None. Girl, you got a better chance at winning the Lotto than something like that happening! Hell, I live in the next town over and I don’t ever remember meeting anyone I know in here. What, does your garden club come here for their afternoon meetings?” “I realized that Cindy was right. My fears were real, but the probability of anyone recognizing me was next to nothing. I asked Cindy if she would give me some lessons. She was so pleased and enthusiastic, she promissed that we would both get on stage before the club opened on Thursday to practice a “routine” as she called it. I was so excited, I could barely sleep that night.” SS: “So you decided to try it, a dry run so to speak?” K: “Yes. I was determined to at least try it once when the club was closed. Before 1PM the Club is pretty empty, only a few girls, some bouncers, and of course Tony and Vince are around then.” SS: “You were willing to let them see you do this – Kathleen, I can’t believe it?” K: “You may not believe this, but they never found out. The next day was Thursday. I met Cindy in the girls’ dressing room where we tried on some outfits, actually lingerie and string bikinis. I told Cindy that I would be mortified if Tony or Vince saw me. She told me that they had seen plenty of girls dance and that I wouldn’t be the first. I don’t think Cindy understood my relationship with the Salerno’s. I did not want either Tony or Vince to know about my decision to dance at the club. Cindy assured me that, when she got done with my makeup, even my mother wouldn’t recognize me! Cindy gave me a short blond wig that hid my jet black hair. She also applied several temporary tatoos to my shoulders and above my left breast. I then chose a lime greem string bikini that really showed off my curves. When I looked in the mirror I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. It was the strangest feeling. Now was the test. I was so excited I started to shake. I could hardly walk on the 4 inch clear plastic high heel pumps Cindy lent me!” “Cindy led me by the hand out to the bar area, a place I seldom frequented. Vince was leaning over the bar talking to one of the bartenders. Cindy turned on the juke box and almost pushed me onto the stage, then she leaned against the bar next to Vince and watched me dance. Vince asked her who the “new girl” was! Cindy told him my name was Lisa and that I just came in from Ft. Lauderdale. He didn’t even recogize me!” “I danced for two songs and then left the stage. I felt so excited. It was if I was invisible and could do whatever I wanted. I was really flying! I was convinced that I could pull this off without either Vince or Tony realizing that I was the “new dancer”. I took the name “Lisa Walker” and listed myself on the dance roster for Wednsday afternoons. Since the dancers are not on the payroll, the file I created for Lisa didn’t need any social security number or other verifyable information. Since I did the bookings, it just had to look “official”. “I told Vince and Tony that I would not be coming in for the next couple of weeks on Wednesdays because of commitments I had to our Parish blood drive. This insured that I could come and go in my “Lisa” costume and not raise any suspicions.” “On Tuesday night before my debut, I was nervous. Surprisingly, I was also experiencing strong feelings that I couldn’t explain. I now realize that it was a sexual tension that I had never experienced before in my life. For the first time in years, I initiated sex with Bill. As he made love to me I kept seeing myself dressed as “Lisa” and dancing in front of all those men! I was really embarrassed at these thoughts and emotions and couldn’t understand where they were coming from. You see, I had never done anything this risque before. I think that was the hottest night the two of us ever had up to that time.” SS: “Did you tell Bill that you were going to dance at the Club the next day?” K: “Oh Dr. Sharp! Bill didn’t even know about Club Exstacy! He thought that the Salernos had an Italian restaurant business! I would never tell him about that!” SS: “So all this time you never told him about your involvement in this Club?” K: “No. I did it partially to protect him and partially because it gave me more freedom, you know, to do what I wanted without having to listen to him preach. You see, Bill is very conservative. He would never go along with the offshore account idea I came up with, or the “tax free” cash I was making. By not telling him, he was just an innocent bystander. We could both enjoy the fruits of my “creative accounting” without him feeling guilty and possibly ruining everything.” SS: “But didn’t the two of you discuss your work? After all, you are both accountants.” K: “We decided early on not to discuss our clients with each other. We both agreed to leave work at the office. This way, there is no possibility of either Bill or I mentioning any confidential client information that could create problems. So really, the subject of my work for the Salernos was never discussed as much from mutual agreement as from my desire not to reveal what I had gotten into. I would hope that you don’t discuss the details of your client’s problems with your husband!” SS: “You’re right. I don’t. Kathleen, before you go on and discuss your experiences as a dancer, I would like to divert for a while and discuss your relationship with Bill. In particular your sexual relationship. During this period when you were planning to dance at the club, how would you describe your relationship with your husband?” Kathleen's Secret Life K: “Well, Bill was travelling a lot. Just before that, we had gone through a pretty tough time with me trying to get pregnant. Even when I took the pressure off, our sex life really never got back on track. I don’t think that I could ever describe our sex life as exciting. It was more warm and loving than hot and steamy.” SS: “Did Bill satisfy you?” K: “Well . . .I guess I’d have to answer yes to that. You see, I really didn’t have any great sexual needs or expectations when we married. There were many other things that were a much higher priority to me. In fact, I didn’t think much about sex. We did it. It was fun. It was what married people do. I think I could say I was satisfied.” SS: “Would you describe you sexual repetoire as limited, normal, advanced, kinky?” K: “Definitely “limited” looking back with hindsight. SS: “What makes you choose that description?” K: “Well, this is a little embarrassing . . . we usually did it missionary style, very little oral sex and it wasn’t really playfull. I seldom perfomred oral sex on Bill, and never asked him to do it to me. I’m not blaming him, I was not into sex at the time and probably would have been grossed out thinking about some of the more “creative” things couples do in the bedroom. I assume he still thinks the same way about it. I guess we were kind of up tight about sex and the way we approached it reflected that.” SS: “What about now?” K: “Dr. Sharp, that’s really not a fair question. Bill is a very gently and loving man. In the last four years I have experienced things, you know, sexual things, that most women couldn’t even imagine. After those experiences, it is impossible to think that one man, any man, could give me the exitement and the sexual fulfillment I have experienced. I wish this wasn’t so. I wish that Bill could be a part of that. But he isn’t and I can’t forget the things I’ve experienced and pretend that I don’t know what I’m missing. Bill is my husband and the father of my children. That’s who I married and I am content with who he is.” SS: “That sounds like a “no”!” K: “I guess it does. (pause) Bill is very conservative. He really is not into sex much. He tries to please me and is very considerate. But sex with Bill is like vanilla ice cream. It’s everyone’s favorite, but after a while, its . . . its just plain vanilla. What you have to understand is that I’m not here to complain about Bill or to change him. My life is perfect just the way it is, only it can’t keep going on like this. Something has to give. I don’t want to give up my husband or my childern or our beautiful home. I would hate to have to give up the exitement of the Club. That’s why I’m here with you. To sort all this out.” SS: “I think we are making progress Kathleen, but as you are probably aware, this is not going to be easy. If I am going to help you with this problem, eventually we have to bring Bill in to our sessions for this therapy to work. How do you feel about that?” K: “I’m scared. Bill knows that I am seeing you but I told him that the problem wasn’t him that it was my depression. I guess I knew that this would be inevitable but I was hoping to put it off for as long as possible. Anyway, Bill is travelling next week, so that’s out. And quite frankly, I would prefer that for the first couple of visits, you spoke to him alone, you know to feel him out before we drop this bombshell on his head and he walks out on me.” SS: “I’ll have to think about it. This is not going to be easy. But maybe you are right. I can meet with Bill alone at least once. It’s not fair to him or to you to drop the weight of this deception on him all at once. After all Kathleen, you have been living a secret life for how long, four years, five years?” K: “Over six years.” SS: “Over six years! And he dosen’t have a clue who is wife really is or what she’s been up to behind his back. No, Kathleen, it’s not going to be easy unless your husband is an exceptionally forgiving man and loves you very much. Let me know at our next session whether he is willing to meet with me in three weeks. You don’t need to be here for that session but I am going to warn your, the day must come when we bring Bill into this equation. I don’t intend to be a messenger between the two of you. You have to work this out together. OK?” K: “I guess it has to be OK. Thank you Doctor.” SS: “All right, that’s the end of this session, I will see you next week at the same time and I will see Bill three weeks from today.” END OF TAPE 3 Session 3 Tape 4 SS: OK, let’s begin. This is the beginning of Session 3 with Kathleen and we have started tape 4. Kathleen is here today, and she has given me good news. Her husband Bill will be attending our session after next week. Is that right?” K: “Yes, Dr. Sharp, but I will not attend that session.” SS: “That’s OK. I’m sure I will have to prepare for that session, and much of what we will do today and next week will help me with that. Let’s continue your story. As I recall from my notes, (pause) you had just started telling us about your first experience dancing at the club. Did you finally get up the courage to do that?” K: “Yes, I did. I will never forget my first time dancing on stage. I was one of the last girls out on stage. I was so nervous I couldn’t eat lunch. I was wearing one of Cindy’s tiny string bikinis, my wig and fake tatoos. Again, neither Vince nor Tony recognized me. For the first set, I just couldn’t take off my top. Usually the girls start wearing a short dress or negligee covering up their bikini, but by the first song that is gone. If you want to make tips, you need to lose your bikini quickly or the men concentrate on the other girls. You won’t last long.” SS: “So you had to dance topless?” K: “I guess you have never been to a ‘Gentlemen’s Club’”? SS: “I have seen movies, but no, I have never been in one.” K: “At Club EXstacy the girls eventually dance completely naked except for their high heels.” SS:“Kathleen, I don’t believe it! You were planning to dance completely naked? With no clothes on? Did you do it?” K: “By the end of the second set, I had my top off. I guess because I was so timid, all the men in the club were watching me and waiting to see whether I could do it. At least it felt that way to me! They started laughing and clapping and were really pleased with the way I looked and danced. By the time I left the stage I had almost $70 in tips. I think that’s a record at the club for a 10 minute set. As I dressed and left the stage, a whole bunch of men crowded around me and wanted to talk to me and buy me drinks. I felt like a celebrity. When I went back to the dressing room, Cindy and I counted my tips. I really think she was jeolous of how much I made. Cindy told me she never made that much for only one set, and I still had the bottom of my bikini on. I was so excited! I was flying.” SS: “So how do you think this dancing naked affected you? Did you do it again?” K:“Yes. Eventually I danced two days a week for two hours each day. I averaged over $600 a week cash. It was spending money that I used just for me. Did it affect me? Definitely. I felt as if I was adored by the customers in the club. That is a pretty heady feeling for a woman that never really put much emphasis on her looks. I felt emancipated, as if I could do anything I pleased with no one to stop me. Have you ever felt like that? Felt totally free, powerful yet still knowing that you were true to all your commitments? That’s the way I felt. It was if my life “doubled”. I felt twice as happy, twice as fulfilled. I still had my goals and likes and dislikes but now there was a whole new area of my life that was opening up to me. It’s really hard to explain.” SS: “How did this effect your “plan”, your plan to get pregnant?” K: “After my dancing experience, I knew I could do it. In fact, I knew it would be the right thing to do, just like my decision to dance was right for me. I still had to plan carefully, I wasn’t stupid. But I knew deep inside that I had what it took to make things happen, including doing a bachelor party!” SS: “Kathleen, so far, nothing you have done up to that point has involed sex with anyone other than Bill. Is that true?” K:“Yes.” SS: “Didn’t it bother you that to implement your “plan” you would have to have sex with a man, actually many men, that were not your husband?” Kathleen: “Truthfully, Dr. Sharp, I didn’t really think about it. I know that sounds hard to believe, but I never dwelt on the fact that my plan would necessarily involve sexual conduct. I must have been in denial, but really I think I was just naVve. It wasn’t something that I was interested in and I didn’t think that it would have such a big emotional impact on me! So I just didn’t think about it!” SS: “When it finally dawned on you how did you deal with it? I would imagine you had second thoughts about such a crazy and dangerous plan?” K: “Just the opposite, the idea of my new identity as “Lisa” and the thought of being able to let go sexually on stage was drawing me in. I wanted to experience these new feelings, this excitement, the idea that I was an alluring, sexual woman who was the idol of an entire audience of men! Actually, my plan now included adding this aspect to me life, you know, experiences that I had never allowed myself to think about, let alone participate in! I wanted it all and I believed that I could have it.” SS: “Were you now ready to have such sexual experiences outside of your relationship with Bill?” K: “No, not really. How can I explain this. It was necessary! If I wanted to get pregnant, to implement my plan, I had to have sex with other men. It wasn’t an option. It could be distasteful or it could be exciting. I decided that I would look at it as exciting, as a “growth” experience. Dr. Sharp, I had never done anything like this before, or even really considered it! This was something new for me. The dancing was warming me up for it. But truthfully, I didn’t dwell on it. But at the same time, I didn’t mind that it had to be that way.” SS: “So, you started dancing twice a week. Certainly your husband suspected something?” K: “Not in the least. I kept my costumes in a gym bag in the guest closet. Bill is not very domestic. He never goes through my things, let alon in the guest room. He never suspected a thing.” SS: “Didn’t you feel guilty, hiding this from him?” K: “No. It was my business, kind of like my job. As I said, we rarely discussed our work. This was just another job. It was business, and it was my business.” SS: “So when did you finally decide to participate in one of the bachelor parties?” K: “My first opportunity came about three months after I started dancing. A handsome young man came in to see me about booking a bachelor party for his friend. They were both wealthy investment bankers working in Manhattan. I am sure that their annual bonuses were double what Bill and I made each year. Anyway, the guest list for this party was full of wealthy, young professionals who lived mostly in Manhattan and New York. I realized that if I ever had a good excuse to implement my plan this was it!” SS: “Were you physically attracted to this young man?” K: “As a matter of fact, I was. But that really didn’t have much of a bearing on my decision. It was just that all the “factors” were right this time.” SS: “I take it that you finally decided that you would be one of the girls at this party?” K: “Yes! I convinced the best man to schedule it for a Friday night when I would be fertile. Also, Bill was out of town, but was expected back Saturday morning. I wasn’t ready to get home from this escapade and jump right into bed with my husband! But it was an important part of my plan that Bill and I make love around the date of the party so that he would think that he got me pregnant.” SS: “It sounds like you thought of everything!” K: “Everything but what would actually happen. I convinced Cindy to be the second dancer at this party and swore her to secrecy! She just thought that I was going though a “wild phase”, I didn’t tell her that I was trying to get pregnant. I called Bill that Friday after diner and told him that I had to attend one of my charity meetings and that I would be home late, just in case he called me and I wasn’t home. If he tried my cell phone I would tell him that I turned it off for the meeting. As it turned out, he never called, so the matter never came up.” SS: “Didn’t all this deception bother you?” K: “Yes, it did. But I viewed it as a surprise for Bill. Kind of like planning a surprise party. I knew he would be overjoyed when he found out I was pregnant. And he was.” SS: “Even knowing as much as I do about you now, it’s still hard for me to believe that you, of all people, would decide to go through with this. I want you to tell me everything that happened that night and what was going through your mind so I can better understand your motivations and your mindset.” K: “Well, Cindy and I showed up at the party about 9:30. Phil, one of the regular bouncers, was there as our chaperone. We danced together for about thirty minutes. After we finished dancing, we were both naked and the men were ready to party. Phil made the announcement that the “real fun” was about to begin. At Cindy’s suggestion, I was blindfold. She told me that way I would be less “connected” to what was going on. Also, it would conceal my identity a little better and help keep my blond wig on! Cindy put on my blindfold and led me into the middle of the platform. There must have been about 30 guys at this party, and all of them were hunks! I was trembling. I finally realized that this was a lot more than dancing! As I was lying on the floor, I felt Cindy starting to kiss me! I had never made love to a woman, but I knew that was standard fare for this type of party, to . . . I guess. . . . to, you know, get the guys in the mood. I felt other hands starting to touch me, to caress me. I was lost in the . . . END OF TAPE 4 Session 3 Tape 5 SS: “It looks like the tape ran out before you finished. I’m afraid I was so enthralled with your story that I didn’t see the light go off! Well, we have both taken a short break and now we are back. Alright. This next one is Tape 5. Good, its working.” K: “Maybe it’s better that that all that stuff didn’t get on tape. It was a little graphic! I’m afraid I got carried away! But As I told you, it was one of the most amazing nights of my life.” SS: “I’ll check how much we lost after you leave. I really didn’t want anything to be left out. You know, when someone finds out their spouse has been cheating, they have an insatiable need to hear every detail. It’s almost as if you are still lying if you don’t tell every gory detail. But I will recap. You were blindfolded at the party and many men, out of the thirty that were there, you estimated about 12, is that right?” K: “Yes. Twelve to fifteen. As I said I lost count!” SS: “About fifteen of them had intercourse with you and may have ejaculated into your womb.” K: “Yes, I think so, some of them were wearing condoms, and quite frankly I was out of it and lost track. But that sounds about right, execept that they were ejaculating everywhere!” SS: “And you said that you enjoyed it. You enjoyed this experience?” K: “Yes, I did! I never thought I would, but I did!” SS: “Was it the sex?” K: “Well, as I described it for you, the sex was unbelievable, beyond my wildest imagination! But it was much more than that. Even though I was blindfolded, I felt as though I were in control. It’s so hard to explain. All those men wanted ME! They couldn’t get their hands off me. I felt like a goddess! And yes, the physical experience, the sex, was something I had never experienced before in my life.” SS: “You had an orgasm?” K: “After the second man, I think I was having one continuous orgasm! I don’t think I can even explain how it felt. It was pure sex and my body was responding in a way that I never imagined it would.” SS: “You left off when you and Cindy were in the dressing room.” K: “Yes. She was cleaning me off as best she could. As I told you … SS: “You were a mess!” K: “To say the least! I just kept saying “Wow” over and over again. Cindy must have thought I was on drugs. I wanted to get home and sleep with my legs up so as much seman as possible would stay in me. After all, my dream was to get pregnant and that was part of it.” SS: “So you went home after you cleaned up?” K: “Yes. Somehow I managed to drive myself home. Even though I wore a panty liner (I came prepared), white stuff was leaking down my legs onto the car seat. It’s a good thing the seats were leather or they would have been ruined.” SS: “Were you able to sleep that night!” K: Well, my head was spinning, but I did finally go to sleep. SS: “Weren’t you feeling guilty about the way you behaved or what you had done to your marriage? Were you feeling any remorse?” K: “No.” SS: “Well then, what were you thinking of.” K: “This is kind of embarrassing. I was thinking of the sex. I masturbated about four or five times, thinking about what happened, wondering which of the men, you know, which of them had me. Then I fell asleep exhasted.” SS: “And Bill came home the next day.” K: “Yes, right before lunch, about 1 PM.” SS: “Did you suggest that the two of you make love when he got home, as you planned?” K: “Yes.” SS: “How did you feel about doing that?” K: “I went wild on him. I practically raped him. I think he was very surprised. I told him that it was that time of the month, but I never did anything that . . . forward before.” SS: “Wasn’t it hard for you to initiate sex with your husband the morning after you had sex with all those men?” K: “No. I was thinking about the night before. It just got me so turned on, I couldn’t control myself!” SS: “What did Bill say when you told him you wanted to make love?” K: “At first he seemed reluctant. I guess he was tired after the trip. But boy was he smiling when we got done!” SS: “So you don’t think he suspected anything?” K: “No, why should he?” SS: “Well, it’s not unusual for people who have done what you did, you know “cheated” on their spouse, to be nervous, to suspect that there are some “signs” that they were unfaithful.” K: “No, Bill had no idea what happened. There was no way he would have known. I really wasn’t worried much about him suspecting that there was something “different” about me.” SS: “But there was.” K: “Yes. I was different. I found that out over the next couple of months.” SS: “What do you mean?” K: “I’m kind of ashamed to admit this . . . but I immediately signed up for another party. I kept telling myself that I really didn’t know whether on not I got pregnant and, you know, just to make sure . . . .” SS:“Kathleen! You could have waited to see. I can’t believe it! It sounds like you were getting addicted to this promiscuous kind of behaviour.” K: “I guess I really was. Actually, I did about five more bachelor parties before I stopped. I was three months pregnant at the time.” SS: “So I guess that tells us that getting pregnant wasn’t your only motivation for getting involved in this kind of thing.” K:“No, not really. I explained my motivation already. I’m not nieve, at least not any more. I’m pretty certain about why I did what I did. After the first time, yes, there were other motivations. I got hooked on the excitement of it, the pure lust involved. But only after I experienced it, not before.” SS: “So, eventually you realized you were pregnant. Tell me what you told your husband. Did you feel guilty?” K:“Yes, I did feel a little guilty. I certainly didn’t tell him “by the way, I had sex with about 20 men and one of them is the father” if that’s what you mean. But I was also excited and, I guess the best word to describe it is “fulfilled”. My plan was a success and my dream of having a baby, of Bill and I having a family, was going to come true. It’s just that now there was something else in the equation, my awakening sexual desires that I felt almost compelled to satisfy.”